#but it is also the first finished piece i've created in weeks so we're calling it a warmup doodle at best

[pappelsiin]

merlin fixation in 2022? yes hello that’s me :”) 

also making lq screenshots of extremely hq canvases a part of my brand <3

[revelingrexan]

an assignment in my 3D modeling class was to create two busts (head and shoulders) and spend two hours on them each.

we were allowed to even make fanart. so i. uh.

i got inspired by this art print

and i made a duck man.

"what if i add hair to the duck man"

I LAUGHED SO HARD. I DIDN'T EXPECT IT TO WORK SO WELL

anyway here's the finished version. i hadn't planned on giving him his hair when i started, just the horns, halo, and clothes, but the hair REALLY WORKED, SO--

(more angles and further detail on the assignment under the cut!)

____

(this class, we're mainly using a program called ZBrush. highly discounted for students at participating schools, $10 for six months of access)

this class taught by my particular professor, the first few weeks' assignments were incredibly forgiving:

weeks 1 and 2 of getting an assignment was "four busts, spending one hour on each." (so, eight busts total in those two weeks)

weeks 3 and 4 of getting assignments was "two busts, spending two hours on each." (four busts total in those two weeks)

each week had a few different parameters, such as not using subtools or yes using subtools (a subtool is basically a separate "part" or "piece," like the hair, halo, and several other parts on this model), having the model's final resolution set at different levels, or using specific techniques the professor went over in class

but the MAIN GOAL of the assignments was to just get comfortable in the program. spend time in it so it hopefully won't be so scary

the professor EMPHASIZED, MULTIPLE TIMES, that he wanted us to stop at the one or two hour mark and not spend hours and hours making the models perfect. that, YES, the main goal was as said above, just to get comfortable, not to make masterpieces

i've failed multiple 3D modeling classes (i'm much more comfortable animating, which is making things actually move), and this is the first where we had assignments like this. it was such a relief. (this guy is seriously one of the best professors i've had, for any subject)

so yeah, there's a lot of stuff i'd like to change on this model, and it woulda been fun to include a little flame under the halo, but it's also nice to see what i did manage to get done, given the constraints.

(also, again saying that i've failed multiple 3D modeling classes. which means this is NOT my first time in this 3D modeling program lol. i may not have passed some classes, but i did get SOME practice in while taking them, and i did gain SOME understanding of what i'm doing. so, to anyone who may be struggling with this or similar programs, IT'S OKAY)

anyway, sharing what the professor assigned because it's a good mentality that helped me (especially with the assignments being so low stakes), and i hope it'll help other people too: just spend time getting used to new things. just get practice in! :)

[coolgreatwebsite]

Happy 1 Million Views to the Video That Broke Me

This is a repost of something I wrote over on my Cohost, but I figured a year later it should also probably live on the domain I pay money to have. Better late than never!

This is the most successful piece of content I have ever created. At one million views it is the thing I've made that people have seen the most. It is the thing that the most people have seen my name attached to. And it's total trash.

It's 2017 and we're a week or so out from the release of Sonic Mania, a game that I'm, at that point, pretty damn excited for. A kindly poster from the Something Awful forums (that I have known from many forums previous) poses a challenge: be the first to beat his short kaizo Sonic the Hedgehog 2 ROM hack and he'll gift you a copy of Sonic Mania on Steam when it comes out.

I was already getting the game on PS4 but I figured whatever, everyone else seems to be having trouble with it, I'm bored, I got nothing better to do, I'll give it a shot. I load up KEGA Fusion, start a low bitrate and resolution OBS recording because it'll probably take a few hours and who cares it's a forum contest verification video, and get to work. A hour and half-ish goes by and I'm finished with the hack. I upload the video to YouTube, post it in the thread, win my free copy of Sonic Mania, and that's the end of the story. Thanks for reading.

Except of course it's not the end of the story. A few months after I got done thoroughly enjoying Sonic Mania, I realized that I'd been getting a weird amount of new subscriber emails from YouTube. I decided to actually look at my metrics and noticed a uh, highly localized spike of activity. Give you one guess on which video (hint: it's the one this post is about). "The Algorithm" had suddenly taken it and was running away with it at lightning speed.

In the timespan between posting the video and this spike, YouTube had announced they were drastically raising the bar on the metrics you needed to hit to have your channel monetized. I was by no means a large YouTuber at the time, but I was meeting the old requirements for monetization just fine. I wasn't anywhere near meeting the new requirements until now and this video was blowing the hell up for whatever reason, so I decided to do what any good opportunist would do and made it an unwatchable experience.

I set the ad frequency on that thing to the maximum that it'd let me. I forget exactly how frequent that was but it was something absurd like an ad every 5 minutes. Maybe even more than that. I figured I'd either get rich or maybe it would make people stop watching and leaving the worst comments in the world. Seriously the comments on this thing are their own nightmare, a bizarre soup of people ascribing meaning to nothing, trying to suss out emotions where there are none, saying complete gibberish, I'd need an entire second post to unpack whatever the hell is going on there.

Well, I wouldn't quite say I got rich. The money you get off what most people would conventionally call a popular YouTube video is just not much in the grand scheme of things. But holy shit they didn't stop watching. If anything they were watching more. Why didn't they stop watching? This video was less than nothing. It was an ordeal to watch all the way through. Why were they doing this? Why was the algorithm showing this to everyone? Why this and not one of the things I put effort into or something that was at least meant to be entertaining at all? I didn't have the answers and I still don't.

Before this I personally wasn't lamenting the possibility of losing monetization on my channel as up until this point I had made around $40 total on YouTube in the decade or so I'd had a channel. But I had been spending a lot that time watching friends with channels around the size of mine who were actively hustling to, and unfortunately failing to, meet the new hurdle. They were putting out some really good shit. Way better than my stuff, frankly. And here I was getting launched to the finish line by... a throwaway, blurry, hour and a half long, commentary-free, save state abusing playthrough of a crummy Sonic ROM hack? That I had made as a means to a completely separate end?? That got promoted by a computer program for seemingly no reason???

It felt shitty. One of the friends I mentioned in that last paragraph was my longtime friend Fotts who was in the middle of getting their (sadly now dormant) series TAS Force off the ground. They were constantly tweeting about the ordeal of trying to meet the new monetization requirements and it was a damn shame because they were putting in a ton of effort and it was great. The kind of thing I'd watch even if I wasn't friends with anyone on it. It was a million times funnier than anything I was doing, and the complete opposite of my shitty contest video. If there was any justice in this world the views I was getting on this dumpster fire would be going to them. But as it turns out, there is no justice online.

I recalled a conversation I had with them a few years back while they, I, and a group of about 7 or so other friends were all wandering around an Orlando Wal-Mart wearing identical black t-shirts that read "MARVEL CAN SUCK MY COCK" in big block letters (long story). They had actually kind of gone through this sort of thing before. See, they're the uploader and one of the voices of this video you may or may not have seen with 6.5+ million views on it.

They lamented to me many of the laments I was currently lamenting. "This was just a stupid throwaway thing", "why is this so much more popular than the stuff I put effort into", "it's just me making PaRappa the Rapper say the word 'Chinese' over and over". Ok maybe that last one was a bit more specific to them. Anyway, I responded with (and I admit a lot of the reason I felt this way was because I thought and still think the video is funny) something along the lines of "you can't pick what hits for people, it might have been throwaway but at the end of the day you posted it because you thought it was at least a little bit funny, try and focus on the fact that you have a popular video at all rather than the fact it's not one of the videos you're particularly proud of".

But yeah damn turns out that advice is easier said than done when it happens to you, and it's even harder done when it happens to a factually not entertaining video. One you could have uploaded as unlisted and achieved your intended result with. The runaway success of this thing genuinely broke me on this whole "Internet" deal.

I should stress I mean this in a good way. I realized that it's not so much that you can't pick what hits for people, it's that you physically cannot pick what gets put in front of people. The people cannot pick what hits for them. A computer does. You can try and promote and affect what gets seen in your own small sphere of influence, but ultimately we are, on YouTube and on all of our social platforms, at the mercy of a black box of computer programs that I'm not even sure the people who created them understand anymore. I'd obviously known this on some level prior to this video existing, but bearing witness to it all happening firsthand to this video in particular was another thing entirely. Anything prior that I had achieved marginally similar success with (there were a couple that had broken 100k) was meant to be entertaining. It was meant for people to watch and go "I liked that", not for one guy on a forum to see and go "good work solving my maze Superman". I could classify the success as "neat, people liked that one" in my brain. This defied classification.

The only logical conclusion was that it truly didn't matter what I uploaded. It's all decided by a random machine picking things at random to serve random amounts of people, and the people click on it and watch it simply because it is there. You can poke at the machine, prod at the machine, try to guess what the machine likes, try to iterate on something the machine has previously demonstrated that it likes. It's all an effort to get the machine to put it in front of the people who will click it because it is there. That's what all the bigger capital-C Content Creators do. From the high level stuff of "what kind of things do I upload" to the low level minutia of "how many curse words can I say in the first minute", making it Big On Line in any capacity is about trying to appease an unknowable mechanical entity and nothing else. It's either that or you're "old money" in a sense, established before this all became the case.

And again, the bigger names do this. Entire companies do this. If I were "smart" I would have pivoted my entire YouTube channel to nothing but hour and a half long commentary-free bullshit hard ROM hack playthroughs. Maybe another one would hit like this did. But for the life of me I could not and cannot think of anything more soul crushing.

I wouldn't say I had aspirations to be a Big Time YouTube Man, but at that time I would have maybe liked to be a Moderate Size YouTube Man. Or a moderate size Twitch man. Someone who had people watching but was still able to have fun with it and do his own thing. This newfound realization that it was truly a random lottery, even beyond the random lottery that most of human life is, that becoming any size bigger than Small Time was literally decided by an actual factual random number generator, freed me from the desire to do anything that I didn't want to do. If actively chasing success on these modern, algorithmically-driven platforms, actively going after "Kaizo Sonic 2 Full Run" numbers, meant putting aside the things I like and reinventing myself and the things I do down to the minute details in order to appease a literal ghost beyond anyone's understanding or control that changes what it's looking for on a whim, then I did not want to do that. I did not want to keep a timer for when I could talk normal, I did not want to announce my streams on Twitter with the link in a separate reply one day, in an embedded image the next, and in my display name the next. If there is absolutely one thing I do not want to do in my life, it's dance for a robot.

But the most freeing thing about realizing this is that it also meant if I just kept doing stuff I liked, maybe, someday, I could get lucky enough to where the unknowable internet robot would push that in front of a million or so people. In the grand scheme of things it's about an equal chance of that happening on something I like and am proud of versus something I made in a desperate cloying attempt to placate an algorithm.

Anyway damn this got long and rambly sorry about that lol. This was initially meant to just be a little toast to the 5 year-ish anniversary of me fully becoming an Internet nihilist. Remember folks, it's meaningless to chase success in an algorithm dominated landscape. In the words of a certain extremely Normal-type man, "real life isn't all just being true to yourself", but I reject the notion that the Internet is not or should not be, in spite of the legion of ghouls and freaks at the top of the chain actively trying to make that the case every day.

Be true to yourself. Do what you love, make what you love, post what you love, and maybe if you're lucky a computer somewhere will decide it's your turn, because that's the single deciding factor in all of this. In the mean time, you'll end up slowly and naturally surrounding yourself with cool people who get you, if only a little bit. At least that's what's happened for me so far. I've been pretty alright with it.

[thisbuildinghasfeelings]

Weekend WIP Game

Thank you for tagging me @welcometololaland @alrightbuckaroo and @lemonlyman-dotcom!

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more).

WIP List:

I have A LOT of ideas. As for things that are actually in progress, I have 4:

TK Project: My project for TK Strand Turns 30. I've been working on this for a few weeks now and should be wrapping up either this weekend or early next week. I'm pretty happy with how it's turning out!

A special project that I'm not going to say anything more about here but will be posted in the first week of November.

TK Babe/Baby, a project using my comically large hoop that will feature quotes of every time TK calls Carlos babe or baby--this one has a complete pattern, a hoop all ready to go, and even a single letter stitched in the center so I know where to start. I'll probably start working on it in earnest over the holidays.

Lone Star Christmas Ornaments--so far I've created one pattern for "Catan is spicy." I want to make at least 2-3 other ones.

Then I also have a variety of ideas, some fairly concrete, others vague notions that require more development and simply exist in a list in the notes app on my phone:

Wise Ass/Lollipop--a Gwyn quote from 2x01, heavily inspired by suggestion from @lemonlyman-dotcom--I haven't made the pattern yet, but it's pretty much fully formed in my head.

The third in my Loft Series--so far I've done one involving the bedroom and one involving the dining area. The third will be the same level of detail as the dining area one but involve the loft entrance, couch, table behind the couch, etc. I need a quote for it and I'm thinking possibly "Welcome home, TK" but I have a couple other ideas too. This pattern will likely take a few hours to create and it's something I'm excited to get working on either in November or maybe during the time off I have at the end of December.

A Carlos Project that would be a companion piece to my current TK Project. I have a list of ideas for it on my phone, but that's as far as I've gotten.

A Lou the First cross stitch with the quote "You brought a flesh-eating reptile into our home?!"

Another Lou one that's kind of ridiculous but I would love to do it if I could pull it off. It would be "He wasn't eating it. He was just...hanging out" with a little Lou poking out of a leg 😂

The fourth in my Loft Series--I want something involving Carlos' punching bag and TK's salad from 3x11. That's as far as I've gotten.

Then I have a variety of quotes that just feel like they should be cross stitches but I haven't thought of solid ideas to go with them (and if anyone has ideas, I would love to hear them!):

Marjan's quote "I'm allergic to poor leadership."

Judd's quote "I wasn't even me 'til I met you."

"Hi. You're TK. I'm Carlos. And we're soulmates." (this one is part of the TK Project, but I think it also deserves its own)

"If I'm your friend from work, then what we did this morning was very unprofessional."

"When you're in yoga clothes, I'm not a very good talker."

"In this house, we Catan."

"Tyler, can I say yes now?"

2. Which WIP is your most complex?

Of the ones I'm actively working on, the TK Project is the most complex. Of the planned future WIPs, it would probably be the third in the loft series, as it's intended to have the same level of detail as the loft dining area piece I recently finished. That one was definitely the most complex I've done up until this point.

3. Do any of your WIPs involve you using a technique/style that you haven't used before? What inspired you to try it?

The ones I've listed really don't, but I do have some vague ideas of branching out into some Lone Star embroidery. I'd need to come up with the right idea for it, but it's something I might try working with when I have time off over the holidays.

4. Which WIP do you expect will take you the longest?

Of the ones I'm actively working on, TK Babe/Baby will definitely take the longest. It will probably take at least 4-5 weeks to complete once I really get going with it.

5. Which WIP are you finding the most enjoyable to create?

I'm really loving the TK Project. It's made up of a bunch of little images and quotes, so it's really fun to see it come together as I complete each individual section.

6. Do you have a favourite character to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

The majority of my projects are TK/Carlos/Tarlos related due to the fact that I often think of little else.

7. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

The loft entrance/third in my Loft Series definitely gives me the most self-doubt. Mostly because it will be a detailed pattern. I'm still fairly new to pattern creation on that level.

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of creator's block?

I haven't had any stitcher's block yet, thankfully. I've been stitching non-stop since April and, as I've made clear here, I still have more ideas than I can handle!

9. Do any of your WIPs contain characters outside the main ship? How are you finding creating those?

My first two projects were the Lone Star logo and an Owen quote. Every other one, including the WIPs that I'm actively working on, has been TK/Carlos/Tarlos related. So I guess I don't branch out from that main ship much! I would like to in the future, and a couple on my ideas list do involve quotes from other characters.

10. What emotions are you hoping to convey through your WIPs?

Mostly the joy and love I experience through Lone Star and Tarlos.

11. Are there any features/details you are finding challenging in your WIPs?

A challenging element of TK Babe/Baby will be the use of the comically large hoop. It has a 23 inch diameter so I can only stitch with it while sitting on my bed because I need somewhere spacious to rest the hoop otherwise my arms get too tired.

12. Which WIP has the most complex shading/colouring?

Probably the loft entrance, the third in my Loft Series. The thing that I think will be the most challenging is the couch, particularly managing to show the shape and dimensions of it properly. I'm not sure how I'm going to get it to look right, but I'm looking forward to messing around with it with my pattern making software. I'm not particularly skilled or experienced with using color gradients to show shadows/dimensions, but I guess I'm going to have to learn!

13. Which WIP has the most complex background?

Same as the last answer, since pretty much the whole thing will be background.

14. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for?

Again, same answer. I want it to meet the expectations set by the loft dining area piece I recently finished. I was thrilled with how that one turned out, so I really hope I'll be equally satisfied with this one.

15. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

I don't think I've ever dreamed about cross stitching. I spend so much time doing it that it seems like I would have by now, though.

16. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other art doesn't?

The TK Project involves several French Knots, which is a different type of stitch that can be very finicky. @reasonandfaithinharmony knows what I mean!

17. Are any of your WIPs commissions?

I haven't done any commissions so far. It's not something I'm necessarily opposed to, so if someone is interested, feel free to dm me and we can talk about it! I just have a lot of my own ideas to work through and cross stitch generally takes a pretty long time to complete, so anyone looking for commissions would need to be ok with waiting a while. Also, I might be willing to mail some of my previously finished pieces to anyone who's interested (due to the unfortunate cost of shipping, this is probably going to have to be limited to people in the US and Canada). There are some that I'm not willing to part with, but I think I've almost reached display capacity, even with many finished projects stored in a box under my bed, so it might be nice for some of the others to find a home.

18. Do you have a character that is more difficult to draw/stitch/paint/depict? Are they in many of your WIP projects?

The majority of my projects so far have been centered on quotes. I don't think any one character is more or less difficult to depict in that way. However, I have run into one issue like that...one of my future ideas is for a Carlos Project that's a companion to my current TK Project. I'm finding it a lot more difficult to come up with ideas for little images and quotes to represent Carlos than it was for TK. One problem might be that I'm reluctant to go stitching a bunch of cop imagery.

19. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs.

The stitched portion of TK Babe/Baby will be about 16 inches x 15 inches in size.

If the third in the Loft Series is anything like the loft dining area piece, it will probably take me somewhere around 80-100 hours of work to complete.

I feel like everyone has been tagged, but I'm going to follow the directions and tag 11 people, one for each of my listed WIPs: @tellmegoodbye @ladytessa74 @im-overstimulated-and-im-sad @carlos-tk @inkweedandlizards @rosedavid @thebumblecee @reasonandfaithinharmony @redshirt2 @louis-ii-reyes-strand @carlos-in-glasses

(And here's the original post that has the questions for writers if you need that!)

[risu5waffles]

Ten-10 for Pen-pen

Got another 10 in the pike for y'all. Which, to think of it. Why pike? Who puts anything in a fish? Aside from fish food? i guess?

Talked about this a few weeks back. Short. Sweet. Well, mostly sweet? It's mostly just short, to be honest.

There are some really nice set pieces in this one, yeah. Loved all the giant zombie-ghosty things. The castle, itself, is a really nicely done environment, tho' i feel like the cameras are really a touch to herky-jerky at times. Gameplay was fun enough, even if a few bits don't totally gel; that bouncy floor bit really didn't quite work for me. The major fly in the ointment is the "This Is Halloween" or whatever it's called playing on loop the whole damned level. Even if it were a good song (and this version of it definitely is not), it just can't sustain 7minutes about of gameplay.

It's funny how you'll never hear of a creator, and then you blink and suddenly they're everywhere? And they're actually really good? This one is not a perfect recreation of Skulldozer, but it approximates it quite well, while putting its own spin on the proceedings. i am always a little bit wary of the Temple as a level kit, 'cause it feels a little bit of a kind of way towards Indian (subcontinent India, that is, not Native American) folx? i don't know. It's not my place to get angry about it, but it does tend to ping my "is this going to be gross?" radar. Anyways, Joja28 has a tonne of levels, and they all seem to have come out fairly recently, and they're all pretty good. i hope i didn't make that sound suspicious, because it isn't really. Sometimes folx just get on a whole tear in create mode.

This is another one, like the Snake Temple level above, that got picked up for a Team Pick right after i recorded, but before the episode went live. Hate that. This one's really fun to look at, but not quite as much to engage wiv. If you get out of the score bubble sections, it's really difficult to get back up, so you're just stuck on the boat forever watching the level go by. But the level does, at least, look nice, and it has a lot of character; it just feels really long when you can't engage wiv it.

The first of Chronos' Neon Dimension series, and already just strong right out the gate. Can we step back and appreciate this was made 12 dang years ago? Chronos was just a wee babby. And he just throws this together, like, oh, yeah, i just had this in my back pocket. i remember playing this the first time and thinking how cool it was that the level just kind of put itself together as i went. That was my benchmark for "is this level really special" for a couple of years when i first started reviewing, and it came from seeing it the first time done well here.

i think this might be my favourite "HARD" levels, tho it doesn't really bill itself the way those ones do (seriously, a lot of them just have hard in all-caps right in the title). This one's really tricky, and some bits take a fair amount of finesse, but it never feels unfair, and it never feels like it's rushing you along before you're ready. Add to that an excellent presentation, an extremely chill vibe, and a great choice of music, and you've got a real masterclass in level design. i tell you, no lie, i was so proud to beat this one way back in the day.

Yooo... what is this even? It is so fluid! The animation, it's like, i know it was done in LBP3, but i don't think i've ever seen anyone pull off something that looked quite as good or as well-done as this. The creator said on the title page they might or might not have gotten around to finishing it, but they were publishing it anyways just to have what was completed out there. i'm not familiar wiv the song, so i can't say yay or nay to that; but what we did get is honestly really special.

We're not also posting this to the subreddit, so i can say more honestly how i feel about this level. Fuck this level. Fuck it right in the ear wiv a big metal dick. Gods. This was actually anti-fun. It actually went out and removed fun from the world. It probably shit on a baby's ice cream while i was playing it, powered by my deep frustration and loathing.

There are some cute touches in this one, even if i don't feel like it really needed to be as long as it was. i really liked the skiiers and their bits of animation. The setting had a bit more pop in colour than we usually see in snow-themed levels, and i appreciated that as well. But, to be honest, there isn't really too much that sticks out in my mind either? i know that's kind of shitty, but there you go.

Tell you what, i was not expecting this level to be like this. Like, i've played LaDIDa72's levels before, and they can be tricky, but they always felt tricky in spite of themselves, you know? Like, a little playtesting and polish and they'd work better? i guess i didn't realize that street goes both ways. You can take wonky bits and polish them to be harder. This has got some of the fiddliest, most bullshite platforming i've played in a while and i loved it? It never felt unfair, just always just barely not do-able, and that makes all the difference. Plus, there's little that's dependent on things outside your control, and that, i feel like, is super important to keep players engaged wiv this kind of level. Make someone feel like the fuck up is on their end, and they will beat their heads into the wall trying to get past it, but let them think for a moment that the fuck up was on you as a creator, and they will bounce right out. It super helps this level is pretty as fuck. Like it is just super pretty. Which is half the reason i wasn't expecting it to be a hard level. A lot of times those are just dogshit ugly. Fun fact! i can't watch this video on my own YouTube channel thanks to Song 2 being in the level. Thanks a fucking lump Sony Music Japan! You're total fucking peaches!

---------------------

So that's another ten off the top then. Your usual mix of good, bad, and ugly, but alright enough for all that. It feels like it's becoming my day off refrain, but i got stuff done today, but not what i needed, and not what i wanted. Well, a few things i needed, but not, like, needed-needed, you know?

[writteninkat]

Greed | Ushijima x reader

summary: "I didn't like how my teammates watched you a while ago." He admits, his hands clenching on the counter.

"I don't think they understand how you're mine and only mine." He whispers against the shell of your ear, his hot breath tickling shivers down your spine.

f!reader

word count: 3.5k

warning: 18+, name calling if u squint (???)

a/n: this is a reminder that you are amazing, you are loved and you matter. | masterlist for 100 followers event

The boy's volleyball team never paid any attention to the girls as they were always busy with their own training and the two teams played and trained in their own separate indoor volleyball courts. But today is a little different. The floor of your team's court needs changing so the girls and boys have to train under the same roof for a week, and it'll be the first time seeing each other play.

Toshi knew you play volleyball, he knows you were the ace, as a matter of fact, his whole team knows as well. But they didn't know you were this good.

You throw the ball up high in the air, jumping as high as you can and throwing your hand forward, slamming it at the ball. The impact of your hand at the ball always felt so good, the heat and sting of it always gave you some kind of adrenaline and you loved the feeling.

The ball is hit so hard your teammates at the other side of the net barely had any time to react before it hit the wooden floors, giving your side a point.

You smile widely, catching the ball the coach throws at you for a second chance at serving. "Y/n calm the fuck down!" Your teammate yells, "We're not playing for real right now have some mercy!"

"If you can't receive my serves, how are you going to receive the serves from other school who'll surely be better than me?" You yell back, doing another jump float, your form tricking the other team as if you're doing another hard serve, causing them to step away from the net. Your palm then simply pushes on the ball, resulting it to barely go over the net. The players at the other side dives in to try and save the ball, but it hits the ground a second before they do.

The whistle is blown and your side of the court wins. "Y/n! You're a menace to society!" Your teammate jokingly yells, fake-crying on the floor making you giggle. You walk over to your duffel bag on the bleachers and take out your towel, oblivious to the many pairs of eyes on you.

Your short shorts always rode up your thighs and sometimes even ass whenever you played, so you hated wearing the uniform but your long shorts were jn the washer right now, you didn't really have much of a choice. Your uniform hugged your body perfectly, every curve and every hill accentuated by the two pieces of cloth around you.

Your boyfriend's team are bewildered by your skills. They never expected you, so sweet, so gentle and so kind towards them being able to produce such monstrous serves and spikes.

"Y/n!" You hear Tendou call, creating an immediate smile across your face. You loved Tendou, after dating his best friend, the two of you became so close and it's as if you two are best friends too. You watch him run towards you, volleyball in hand. "I never knew you played so good."

"You guys are too busy to watch me play. Why? Wanna join me sometime?" Tendou smiles at your offer, immediately nodding his head. "Yes! Please! Let's olay at my hou-"

"There's no way Y/n's playing with you." Wakatoshi says involuntarily, his eyes widening at his words as his teammates give him questioning stares. He never raised his voice before, nor has he spoken without being spoken to. "Unless! Unless I play with her first." He covers it up, looking away with the faintest blush across his face.

You tilt your head to the side, putting two on two together before smirking. Ah, my adorable, jealous boyfriend. Whatever am I supposed to do with you?

When practice finishes, you go your separate ways from the team. Unlike them who had homes to return to, your home is three hours away from the school and no way in hell were you traveling a total of six hours a day just to get feom and to your house. Getting a dorm in the campus seemed a much better idea, plus, it helped you spend more time with your boyfriend.

A hand snakes its way around your waist and despite sweating for three hours tonight, you can still smell a combination of the scent of your boyfriend's perfume and his shampoo. He smells minty and fresh from his shampoo and at the same time he also smells of lavender and sandalwood.

He continues to wrap both his arms around you as he stands from behind you, his forehead on your shoulder. "Want me to give you a massage once we get back?" You ask, placing a hand on his forearm.

Wakatoshi doesn't speak for a moment and you were beginning to think he fell asleep, but moments later he lifts his head up and takes another step forward, your eyes widening as you feel him poke at your ass.

"I just realised I've never seen you in your uniform before," He breathes out, "You look so sexy baby."

Heat rises up your face, your boyfriend's never said anything like that before. Sure, he once complimented how good yer legs look in shorts or how he likes seeing you so 'comfortable' without a bra on, butbhe's never been straightforward like this.

You can feel yourself creating a pool of slick in your underwear. God, this can not be fucking happening...

"Let's go to my dorm." His voice is an octave lower and he sounds out of breath. "Girls aren't allowed in your dorm building."

"I know most of the people in that building and they know me, they won't tell. So come on," he pulls at you, leading you to his building. He looks back at you, neediness and lust filling his eyes. "I need you right now."

Toshi didn't need to sound like he was begging, you were still going to follow him, but now that he sounds like he wants you so bad he can't control himself anymore, it's making you wanna run to his dorm and rip his clothes off.

You bite on your lower lip, letting him lead you to where his room is.

As you pass through a hall, you smile and wave shyly at some of the familiar faces you see, they look as if they've just seen a ghost. But can you blame them? Ushijima Wakatoshi is currently leading a girl to his room. This is the first time, it should be recorded in the hall of fame or something.

Once the both of you reach his door, which is at the bery end of the hall, Toshi takes his ID card, about to swipe it to unlock the door until he stops midway. He turns around and looks at you straight in the eye, "You don't have to do this if you don't want to. I don't want to be force you."

You blink at him once, twice, thrice- you take the card from his fingers, quickly swiping it on the lock. You push your boyfriend inside the dorm before looking to your right where the boys in the hall still have their undivided attention at you. "It'll probably get loud, you guys play some music or something." You yell before entering the room and slamming the door behind you.

Immediately, you push your boyfriend onto the wall, leaning in to press your lips on his. Finally, being able to touch your boyfriend after a long day of tiring practice feels to freeing and good. A shiver runs up your spine when he licks your bottom lip, asking for entrance. When you grant it to him, he pushes his tongue inside your wet cavern, immediately exploring it like he's a curious speleologist.

His one hand grabs your waist, immediately being able to grab almost half of it given your size differences and his other hand cups your jaw, tilting your head to the side to gain better access.

Your hand travels down to the waistline of his sweatpants, pushing your hand inside, feeling strained cock from inside his underwear as your fingers skillfully stroke it.

"Mmmm-" You hum, pushing Toshi off lightly. "We need to take a shower first, we've been sweaty for hours." You tell him, your hand still going up and down his shaft.

He sighs, pulling your hand out of his pants before pulling you inside his bathroom. Inside, he pins you against the wall, his lips on yours as he begins to lift your shirt, only breaking the kiss when a piece of clothing has to come off from around your heads. He pushes your shorts down along with your underwear, letting them pool around your ankles. He pulls your body closer to him, the tip of his clothed cock pressing against your wet folds making you moan into his mouth.

With one hand, he clasps the lock of your bra behind you, letting it fall on the floor along with your other clothes as his other hand begins toying with your pussy.

"You feel so wet down there. Was it when my teammates were staring at you?" He growls, making you lift a questioning brow. "What... What are you talking about?" You breathe out, sucking in your bottom lip in between your teeth as you grind your hips against his hand, greedy for more friction.

"You like it when my teammates are watching you? Watching as those small fuckin shorts get caught in between your ass? Hmm?" Toshi pushes a fingers inside making you mewl, your walls clenching around it, wanting more. "You like it when people watch you?"

You shake your head, moaning out profanities as you dig your nails on the skin of his shoulders, still rolling your hips and still wanting more of him.

"N-no, no! I only want you to watch me, Toshi!" You whine, moaning loudly once again when he pushes yet again another finger. He scissors his fingers inside you as your walls clench around them hungrily, greedy for more. "You're fucking mine, you got that?" He grits, thrusting his fingers inside you, hitting the particular bundle of nerves again and again leaving you screaming in pleasure with just two of his fingers.

"Yes! Yes, oh yes! I'm yours, Toshi! Fuck!" Your eyes roll to the back of your head, feeling yourself shake as you cum around his fingers, your cunt squelching around them. You breathe heavily, rolling your hips as you ride out your orgasm.

Toshi takes his fingers out, causing you to whine unconsciously when your hole begins tightening around nothing. He places his hands on either of your lower thighs, pulling you up and hugging your legs around his waist as he leads you to his shower.

He puts you down, making sure you can stand by yourself before hooking his thumbs on either side of his sweats, pulling them down, letting them pool around his ankles. Your gaze is immediately on his member, it's looks so hard and red, the size much bigger than usual and precum is currently seeping out of it.

"Like what you see?" Toshi smirks, this whole side of him completely taking you off guard. You love it. You twist the shower knob on before getting on your knees before him. He steps forward towards you, watching you as you take his dick into your small hands.

You look up at him from below, opening your mouth as widely as you can, rolling your tongue out. You begin by giving his precum-covered head some kitten licks, cleaning it up beforetaking half of his length in your mouth. You hollow your mouth, pushing your head lower as you feel his tip already hit the back of your throat.

"Yeah, take that dick like you want it for dinner. My cockslut..." He hisses, taking you by the hair. He tugs on a fistful of your hair, causing you to roll your eyes back in pleasure and moan loudly, the vibration stirring your boyfriend up even more. He begins thrusting his hips slowly, throwing his head back as you play with his balls and the rest of him that you couldn't take in your mouth.

"That's right, lap up my cock so fucking good, angel. That's right- ah! oh god..." His breathing becomes irregular and his thrusts slowly become more frantic. The tip of his dick continues abusing the back of your throat and tears begin to pool on the corners of your eyes, your cunt dripping wet at the thought of your boyfriend face fucking you at this moment.

Your hand plays with your pussy, drawing circles around and on the clit, chasing after Toshi so the two of you can cum together. "That's right, you're mine. This mouth is mine, and I'm not fucking sharing you with anyone." He seethes, his thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier by the second until he thrusts particularly deep inside your mouth, the tip of his dick going down your throat as he cums inside you, hot liquid going down your throat has your pussy clenching around your own fingers.

He pulls out, watching as you swallow his load until your mouth is empty of his white seed. The corner of Toshi's hand twitches into a smirk as he wipes a thumb over your bottom lip, immediately you suck on it as you look up at him teasingly.

"Let's wash up, darling." He pulls you up, taking his shampoo bottle and squirting a small amount on his palm, wiping it on your hair continuously until it begins to bubble up. He then proceeds to pour his body wash all over your body, hands roaming around you.

He presses kisses on the shell of your ear as he massages and squeezes your breasts, pinching and pulling at your nipples before going down and washing your slippiery folds. He copies what he did to your breast down to your ass, kneading them like fine bread before guiding you when the water is hitting. As you wash off the soap suds, he pours the same kind of shampoo on his head, combing his fingers through his soap-sud covered hair before following it by lathering his soap all over his body. His hands go up and down his well defined abs and pecks, teasing you as he slowly trails it down to his shaft.

He watches you watch him clean himself, letting you pull him closer to you, letting himself be hit by the running water. Once all the soap is rinsed off, you step away from him and take a towel, drying off your hair infront of the mirror.

You watch in the reflection as Toshi walks out of the shower and towards you, his usual indifferent expression across his face. He runs his haze down your figure before pulling on your towel, setting it down on the counter.

He leans forward, trapping you between him and the counter as he places both of his hands on either sides of your body. "I didn't like how my teammates watched you a while ago." He admits, his hands clenching on the counter. "I don't think they understand how you're mine and only mine." He whispers against the shell of your ear, his hot breath tickling shivers down your spine.

"Why won't you make me yours?" You challenge him, looking at him dead in the eye. He looks at you for a second, two seconds, three- he spins you around, pressing his lips against yours.

"You're playing a really dangerous game, darling, and I'm not in the best mood tonight." He growls through the kiss, his tongue more aggressive and lips harsher than usual. "Show me how to play it, maybe I'll get to know the rules and it won't be as dangerous as you say it is." You shoot back, running your hands all over his naked torso, feeling ever elevation and dip of his sculpted chest and abs underneath the pads of your fingertips.

Toshi growls into the kiss, turning you around once again and pushing you down on the counter. He presses his tip against your dripping folds, slowly entering you as to not hurt you in any way. He lets you adjust to his size for a few moments and the moment you begin rolling your hips, he combs his fingers through your damp hair, pulling on it and forcing you to see yourself being fucked in front of the mirror.

He thrusts relentlessly into you, the tip of his cock hitting places your fingers never hit before. Your jaw hangs open as you moan loudly, taken in a trance at the feeling of your boyfriend abusing the certain bundle of nerves inside you.

Toshi lifts a leg up on your side, the feeling becoming more and more overwhelming as his thrusts become deeper, much faster and harder. Your walls clamp around him tightly, making him click his tongue. "Yeah that's it, this pussy is all fucking mine, isn't it."

He pulls at your hair, letting go of it before cupping your face, forcing you to look at yourself in the mirror. "Look at you. Look at how lewd you are right now. You feeling good clamping down on my cock like that?" He asks, his thrusts never once slowing down. The feeling becomes overwhelming to the point where you couldn't form words, and instead you nod your head as to not make a fool out of yourself.

Your eyes roll to the back of your head as you feel the knot tighten in your belly, your jaw hangs open as drool begins to drip out the corner of your mouth. Your boyfriend breathes heavily into your ear, "Wanna cum? You wanna cum right now?"

"Ye-yeah... yeah fuck...wanna...wanna cum... let... let me...cum...." You lose your capability to form coherent sentences and capability to talk. "I'm fucking you so dumb right now, aren't I?" Toshi smirks, shoving two of his fingers inside your mouth, pressing them on your tongue as he watches you make a mess out of yourself.

Your moans fill the bathroom completely and you feel yourself hanging by a thread, simoly waiting for a word, that one ward that'll have you releasing so hard your legs are for sure going to give out. Just one word-

"Alright my darling, you deserve this." Toshi growls into your ear, letting go of your face in the process. "Cum."

You cum all over his cock, your clenching walls trying to milk him of his own release. Your back arches and toes curl as your boyfriend continues thrusting inside you, thrusts becoming sloppy and uneven as well as his breath.

Once you finish, he pulls out, cumming all over your ass, hot white ropes of his release reaching all over your ass, back and some even on your hair. He moans loudly, throwing his head back as he presses his length on your ass. The two of you stay there panting for a good minute, soaking in what you just did before Toshi begins pulling away. He looks at his artwork on you, mentally patting himself and telling himself 'good job' before he snakes an arm around your limp body.

"Come on, I'll wash you up." He carries you back to the shower, once again going through the process of soaping your body to make sure you're clean before setting you down on his counter. You flinch and hiss at the contact of your pussy on his counter, it hurt.

Toshi kisses you all over you face, muttering apologies about being too harsh in return you tell him it wasn't his fault at all. He dries up your body and hair, letting you brush your teeth before carrying you to his bed. He dresses you up in his clothes and takes out your special kit- basically a box full of skin care products in case you slept over.

"I'll do your skin care for you, just lay down and relax yourself. He says, sitting cross legged on the floor as he rummages through the products inside the box. You look at him, smiling to yourself and asking yourself how the hell you got so lucky to score someone like him. "Do you want charcoal or a strawberry mask tonight?" He asks, holding up two of your favorite mask packs.

You place your hand on his cheek, caressing it softly. "I love you." You whisper out, his eyes widening as it catches him off guard. Toshi feels his heart sink to his tummy as butterflies flutter and dance all over it. He smiles, a faint blush across his cheek. "I love you more." He kisses the tip of your nose.

Toshi then proceeds to just stare at you for a few moments before looking like he snaps out of his trance. A deep blush takes over his face as he buries his face on your chest in embarrassment. You laugh loudly, asking him what was going on.

"You're too cute, I'm never sharing you or this side of you to anyone." He mumbles against your chest, making you smile widely. He turns his head to the side, eyelids halfway down, "I'm greedy for you and only you. Never sharing you with anyone, ever."

[twh-news]

Loki director Kate Herron and star Jonathan Majors on his pivotal character's wild debut

The director/executive producer and surprise finale guest-star discuss He Who Remains' grand entrance, the actor's clown training, and which moments were improvised.

Warning: The following contains spoilers from the season 1 finale of Disney+'s Loki.

Like the Sacred Timeline, Loki's end point was determined from the beginning: The multiverse would be born after Loki (Tom Hiddleston) and Sylvie (Sophia Di Martino) reached the Citadel at the End of Time and met He Who Remains, the mysterious and potentially villainous figure who created the Time Variance Authority and lorded over the Sacred Timeline.

"It was always our North star," Loki executive producer and director Kate Herron told EW Friday morning, two days after the chaos-creating finale arrived on the streamer. "What happened [between] when they met him and when the multiverse was born was still on the table, that's something obviously me, the writers, Michael [Waldron, the head writer], and the studio discussed and worked on.... I think honestly, for me and the writing team, we were just like, 'Okay, we'll just keep assuming we're going to get to introduce him until we're not allowed to.'"

Thankfully, no one told them no. Thus, Loki's first season ended with the introduction of Lovecraft Country's Jonathan Majors as He Who Remains — a variant of Kang the Conqueror, the supervillain Majors will play in 2023's Ant-Man & The Wasp: Quantumania.

"We got to do it and what an honor it was to bring him into the MCU. It was a big secret to sit on," said Herron.

"It was one of those moments in one's life, depending on one's occupation, where you go, 'Ah, this is it. This is it,'" Majors told EW when we spoke to him for an upcoming piece about his Emmy nomination for Lovecraft Country. "'All the s--- you talked about wanting to do, [now] there's a door in front of you. Be brave, walk through the door, and leave it on the field.' That was my mentality."

From Herron's point of view, the trickiest part about pulling off the He Who Remains reveal was casting the right actor, because this is the first time the audience would meet this pivotal character.

"[The character's appeal is] in the writing, in the sense that we want to know who is behind the Citadel and who could be there. I think the exciting thing was he tells this story about his past and who he is. For me beyond that, then, it's, which actor are we going to bring in? Because it's got to be an actor with presence that immediately grabs you, because not every actor can do that, and Jonathan is one of the best actors out there. The fact that we got him to do this, I was just so happy because I was like, 'We're gonna be in really safe hands now.' He just commands attention. That for me was the real key thing for me, just getting the casting right," said Herron. "I was so excited that I got to be part of the conversation about the casting of his character with the studio and Peyton [Reed, Ant & The Wasp: Quantumania's director]. It was a massive honor and very exciting, and he's just an actor that we all loved."

Once Majors was cast as He Who Remains (and Kang), Herron thought of a way to integrate him into Loki before we ever saw his face on-screen: Through the Time Keepers.

"Something that was really fun for me was we hadn't, for example, cast the voice of the Time Keepers yet, because you know Wizard of Oz was an obvious reference of ours. I was like, 'Oh, let's get Jonathan to do it, because he's an amazing character actor,'" she said. "We sent him the art of all the characters and it was really fun [because] he was sending us all of these different voices he could do for each character, which was great."

The other obstacle they faced was Majors' availability, because he was working on Netflix's upcoming western The Harder They Fall in New Mexico when Loki was in production. "That was the hard part: preparing [He Who Remains] while leading The Harder They Fall," said the Da 5 Bloods actor, who arrived on set for Loki's final week of production in Atlanta. "It was wild."

"We finished with Loki, Sylvie, and He Who Remains, and it was kind of beautiful in a way because it is also how our story ends. So we filmed with Jonathan for a week," said Herron, who held read-throughs with Hiddleston, Martino, and Majors via Zoom before they started shooting. "Working on He Who Remains, it was really interesting because I started production filming so much of the Time Theatre with Loki and Mobius [in the premiere], and I love how it almost starts with a conversation and ends with one with He Who Remains."

As He Who Remains, Majors was intimidating, for sure, but he was also charismatic, eccentric, and very funny. The actor loved playing the role because it allowed him to draw on the clown/commedia training he learned at the Yale School of Drama.

"There's more smiling in that one performance than there has been in my other performances combined. It's just what it calls for." he said. "I'm a classically trained clown. That's part of my training. I've been at it for a long time, and to be able to exercise that was a lot of fun."

For her part, Herron wanted to do everything in her power to give Majors the room to play, experiment, and forget about the schedule, and the actor took full advantage of that and improvised. For example, the moment when He Who Remains rattles off what his variants said to each other when they met for the first time — "'I love your shoes.' 'I love your hair.' 'Oh, man, nice nose.' 'Thanks, man.'" — wasn't scripted, nor He Who Remains dramatically standing on the desk at the end of his tale.

"He was never meant to get on the desk," Herron recalled. "That was the fun thing with the improvisation. [The camera team] saw him start to move, and Autumn [Durald, the cinematographer] was like, 'Okay…" and then you saw the cameras start to move; it was almost like a dance with him. But that was not planned. It just blew us away because it was just so cool. That was the fun thing with him: I love the way he brought movement to the character in different ways, because I think that was really important as well. Where are we going to go for that big energy moment? Where are we going to draw people in?" She continued, "I love the bit when he sinks into the chair and he's like, 'I'm old and I'm tired,' and you feel his frailness in a way, you feel his aging, [even though] he's obviously a young man."

"The things that come out that aren't scripted only come out because the script is the way it is, and the world is what it is," said Majors. "A lot of it was through collaboration with Tom, Sophia, Kate, and Kevin Wright, the producer. They really let me run. And that's the best thing you can hope for."

As of right now, Majors couldn't say much about how playing He Who Remains affected his performance as Kang in Quantumania, which is currently in production. "You take it a day at a time. That's all I would say about that," he said. "You take it a day at a time and clean your plate and see what tomorrow brings. See what the next story is, and then take it from there."

Loki will return for a season 2, but when? Only time will tell.

[lovemecharlie]

When Erik Met King Jade

Have you ever wondered what it's like to be in a romantic relationship where both parties alternate between "driving the boat" so to speak? It requires a lot of communication. You need to be willing to listen and follow as well as assert yourself and lead. You have to care about your partner's needs and be aware of your own.

N'Jadaka and I like to believe that we have found the balance because we make an effort to learn about each other continuously, but the thing about balance is that it requires great effort to maintain. Our relationship always wants to tip one way or another, and we're not perfect enough to stop it when it does. The thing that rights us is when we check the issue instead of each other.

At the beginning of the relationship though.. I won't lie. We had issues. We power struggled in a way that was not fun for us. I'm sure you wanna hear that too and I might as well tell you since I've shared so much as it is.

Let's go back to before the baby.. before the marriage.. when N'Jadaka and I were somewhat new and I still lived on the east coast.

◇

Erik strolls close beside me through the Maryland art exhibit, hands in his plaid pants pockets while I hang onto his bicep, arm linked in his. I've pulled out my 22 inch wavy unit for this occasion.

It's our mid-week date but we've specifically come to this rather liberal museum to support a college friend of mine who has a section of the gallery dedicated to her sculpted works. Signing her guest book I put in a bid for sculpture titled Womb in Motion.

"It's the low-hanging fruit," he says. "She didn't work too hard for that message, don't you think it's generic?"

"Because movement suggests life and the womb is life.. I love it," I explain to Erik. He's not completely sold. I'm glad Alice, the artist is not there to hear his honest opinions.

"It's a good fertility representation," I shrug, silently agreeing. He's not wrong. "I have another colleague who does Lamaze."

"I guess.." He moves us smoothly to the next piece, a sculpture called Rapture where it looks like a man is having an insane orgasm by the expression chiseled into his face.

"Well..." I bite the inside of my lip and look slyly to Erik. "That's a familiar face if I've ever seen it." When he sighs, my cheeks lift.

"Charlie this is the ugliest statue I've seen in my life and I don't look a damn thing like that... I don't," he adds when my brows go up.

Smiling with closed lips I glance to my right and that's when I see it.. a blatant symbol of a conversation I've been purposely avoiding. Immediately my reaction is to stand in a way that blocks Erik's view.

Draping my arms around his neck, I tilt my head to capture his gaze. "Let's go look at some paintings, I want to get at this Llama picture I saw briefly before someone beats me to it." ...But it doesn't work. Logically we both know it only makes sense to see what's in each exhibit as we walk and appreciate each individual work. It's what we do.

I know he sees it when his eyes stare past me and he pauses leaving me to roll my eyes. He puts his arm on my waist to guide me to it, unaware that I've already seent it through the corner of my eye..

"This one's interesting," he allows. Of course this would be the one he somewhat approves of. He's into this one, I can tell because he tries to view it from other angles and he's really looking at it. I try to talk about it as far as technique and material, but the subject matter is too obvious to ignore.

"Perfect Submission," he reads. It shows a woman kneeling and holding onto a man's leg and the man projects heavy alpha energy. It's a loud piece, skillfully created.. but loud.

"Baby... How would you feel having me as your dom,” he asks innocently. "You ever have one?"

There it is, the question I've been trying so hard to avoid.

"Have one?... No." I let him put two and two together. Suddenly, he's staring at me and I can feel it. When I look up, he looks confused and I don't like this intensely focused silence. "...What?"

"So, you've been one?" Sculpture forgotten, I'm now the focus of this conversation.

"No, I wouldn't say that..," I squint, "But I am used to.. calling the shots if you will. That's just how it's always been." I can see in his confused stare that it's a foreign concept to him. He can't picture it. "...Is that it?"

"Are you interested in experiencing sex differently? Seeing what it's like to give away control?"

I tilt my head, "Are you?"

"Honestly?" Wild brows high, he smiles humorlessly and I already know his answer, but I still wait for him to say it. "...No."

"Same.. I'm not cut out for taking orders. I don't like being told what to do."

"Neither do my wives, but in the bedroom it's different.. They feel good knowing they always have a firm hand and a strong dick."

"Pftt," I nearly spit, but cover my snickering. "Boy bye. I'm not your wife." That comment he made was enough to make my sides hurt.

"I'm for real. There's something I haven't told you yet," he says gauging my expression and I try to compose myself. "...I am a dominant." His eyes are serious. After a beat, I know I have to be serious too. I take a deep sigh.

"I could've guessed that," I admit. He didn't have to tell me and I was hoping that he wouldn't.

"My wives are all my submissives. We are into kink. We do fuck in the open. We do have group sex. We also do things that normal people do in relationships because we love our family."

"It's the weirdest family I've ever heard of..," I mumble, thrown by the explosion of TMI.

"We believe in full disclosure."

“Well, I'm not a submissive so it would get awkward really fast if you tried to dom me.”

"Is that facts?"

When I smile so to say 'yes indeed it's facts' he smiles as if he's thinking 'wtf' and his brows shoot up again like I'm some foreign object he can't figure out. He looks like I've just told him I have six husbands and want him to be the seventh... and he's just staring.

“Is something wrong?”

"Eh..," he mutters and it's like he wants to say something but changes his mind. "Charlie." Grabbing my hand to briefly kiss my fingers, he moves in closer and holds my hand in close to him. “Close your eyes and picture this.. You and me making love in Cancun.. music playing.. I lay you down and tease your body until you need the real thing and then I give it all to you.. I hold you down and have you take all of me.. and all you have to do is say yes. I'll buy you white lingerie from Agent Provocateur.. lace teddies and heels.. and I'll let you model them for me, while I touch you with my eyes.. Then I'll tie you up and kiss you all over your body from head to toe till you beg me to fuck you some more.. Now open your eyes. You don't want that?”

“Not really. One, that's boring and I'd rather explore and party if I'm in Cancun. Two, I can buy my own lingerie and I don't like white. Three, I'm not about to beg you for anything.. You can beg me," I tease. "Honestly, I'd probably end up tying you up and doing what I wish with you.. edging you. Imagine you in all your glory, naked in an apron cooking me breakfast because I turned you out and tore that cherry out,” I grin loving the image.

"Hell nah," he blurts moving onto a different sculpture where the sculpted couple is entwined around a third party. Any excitement he had deteriorated when I mentioned my lil fantasy.

"Um.. you good?" I follow closely, noting the shift. He says he's good, but I know I burst his little bubble.. this is exactly why I avoided the topic. "Look," I grab onto his arm linking mine again "I understand that this is different for you. Being in a serious relationship is different for me. I'm not used to this.. this is new."

"I know that. I respect you for being real with me, I just didn't see this coming. I have to adjust.."

"I tell you what. I have a suggestion and you just tell me if you're with it.. Okay?" Following him to the next exhibit, we stand side by side before an abstract painting that looks like the night.

"Mhm?"

"Well," I sigh, "What if we tried taking turns, that way both of us could orchestrate our fantasies and bring'em to life. I think we should try a situation where I dom you and then we'll switch it and.. you'll dom me?"

"Reverse it, I want you first," he blurts. It's not a big deal. Shrugging, I agree and we take time to finish looking through the exhibits before heading out  to my car. After grabbing milkshakes, I take him to his hotel and drop him at the front before heading home.

◇

Little did I know this would be the start of our complicated journey, but I'll tell you more.. after I put this baby down for her nap. By the way, I have more to tell you about that too.

[beatsfortheillperth]

Words with Jetson

Our next interview is with a producer and rapper out of a beautiful place known as Tauranga, in New Zealand, This creative is known as Jetson.

He happens to be one of my cat, Rain's personal favourites for sleep time and regardless of the amount of thumping bass Jetson's music creates and picture frames it knocks over, I understand why he sleeps so sweetly.

Probably a lot to do with the fact that bass has rhythm, just like the sweet sweet words Jetson correlates with his word-plays in tracks such as "Milk" and "SENSEI". Not only impressing cats, Jetson has made moves and connections beyond the long white cloud, proving isolation doesn't always silence brilliance. Jetson brings words any generation can hold some sort of relevance to, words that allow one to notice life moves fast and slow and sometimes you just have to chill and become an observer rather than an instigator.

This is something I feel Jetson has accomplished with his rather low-key approach to releases and interviews.

Jetson is a natural, a true prodigy of sound and a sharer of moods, and to me, is a reminder that with a little bit of passion and persistence, great things can happen, whatever your field.

Jetson’s collective and label - Chill Children is evidence of that, as through it , Jetson is able to work and release with producers and beat-makers all over the globe.

emo the optimist, BACKWHEN, fuyu, eets, and junyii are just some of the diverse talents working with Chill Children and everyone on the catalogue are game-changers that make music that’s anointed in chills. 

Creators that push boundaries and portray emotion through sound in the most soothing way, one must check Chill Children.

So with that I hope you enjoy rare words with the nuance wonder, and in his own words.

Sit back, relax, get baked, create, f**k it.

Enjoy and much love.

Hey man thanks for the opportunity to share words. Let's start with a few random quick questions to get things going. Favourite Beverage: Lemon water. Favourite thing to do in your down-time: Make music/skate. Views on Reincarnation: It will be cool if it is true but I guess it doesn't really change anything if it is 🤷‍♂️ Favourite Food: Sushi. Favourite Album of All Time: Tribe Called Quest - Midnight Marauders A song to break it down to: Ethereal & Playboi Carti - Beef A song to chill to: Durand Jones & The Indications - Cruising to the park Do you prefer Sunrise? or Sunset? Why?: Sunset, because I'm never awake for sunrise. A childhood memory in regards to music: I remember saving up to buy Graduation by Kanye West and listening to that shit front to back for weeks straight. Favourite Place to be: Probably on an island.

Thanks for that, so let's start by asking what inspires you to produce and not only produce but continually produce, what to me is an array of tunes fitting so many genres?

Do you have a set of goals in place when you release a track or do you just hit upload and just hope people are feeling your sound?

What I like to listen to is constantly changing so I like to challenge myself to try and make the things that I'm inspired by.

I like to think that you never know what you're gonna get when you listen to my music but I've still got so much to learn and experiment with. I just try have fun with it and not think about it too much.

How long have you been producing music, and what did you find was hardest to get the hang of when it first came to producing beats?

I had no music theory knowledge or anything when I started making beats (I still don't have much) so there was a lot to learn right away.

Probably the hardest thing that I still battle with is knowing what you should release, what you shouldn't etc. It's hard to balance knowing when something is finished and when it still needs work.

Could you give a quick run-through of the process you follow when it comes to making a beat?

I try to change my process as much as I can to keep things fresh and fun for myself. But I really enjoy hearing a sample somewhere like keys, a quote or a rapper I want to remix, then I start working with that piece and see where it goes.

I'll mess around with the beat for a while and sometimes a track comes out. It can take one day, it can take months. Just depends.

Oldies are always goodies in my books and I have to mention your "bumps from 2014" mixtape, it truly is something special.

What inspired those little bumps? What were you doing back then? Also, can you remember the mood you were in when you made them?

I'm glad you like it haha. That was when I really had no clue what I was doing in terms of making beats, I was making all of those 'off the grid' in Ableton so I was placing drums in random places, I had no idea what bpm the samples were or anything. I really didn't know wtf I was doing, just going off of a vibe. 

My mood was really just being excited about making music, I was living in the basement at my mum's house blasting beats on the speakers all day.

[bumps from 2014] - https://soundcloud.com/sleepgodd/bumps-from-2014

You are also a rapper. My favourite NZ rapper to be more precise so thank you for the vibes you create. How did you find out you had it in you to rap and how old were you?

Damn, I appreciate that ✌️ I started rapping with a friend of mine, Jesse aka j cafe when we were around 20. We'd sit in my room smoking weed, and free-styling over beats on Soundcloud all night. 

Then we decided to make a track, so we found a beat and jumped in the closet to record some vocals on the laptop microphone.

We put it up on Soundcloud and I've been addicted to making music ever since.

Link to j cafe’s Soundcloud here - https://soundcloud.com/j-cafe

Cover art for Jetson’s 2019 rap release - bluntscraps

Album cover art by Takuroh Toyama

When did you first start rapping in front of others? What did it feel like in the beginning compared to now when you perform live?

I was insanely nervous the first time I ever did anything live and that feeling really hasn't left me lol.

Except now I know how to deal with nerves a bit better and actually enjoy the whole experience of doing something live.

I definitely think I'm a lot better now than my first time doing it, but I still kinda suck 😂 Staying on topic with your rapping, material-wise you have mad skills, your music is forever helping me chill out so thank you.

When did you start writing down your words and turning them into structured songs? Do you have any other artists that inspire your writing style?

When I was younger I really liked the flow of rappers rather than what they were actually saying.

Dudes like MF Doom and Earl Sweatshirt really influenced me at the start wanting to come up with lines that were catchy and different.

To form an actual track I usually just mumble over beats to get the flow, then I start placing words in the spots where I think they fit.

Does your family know you make music? If so what do they think of it, any dance parties in the Jetson Family Household? 

My immediate family all know and support my music. My mum used to have one of my tracks as her ringtone for years lol.

No jetson dance parties yet, but seems like every year more people in my extended family know about my music.

You were also a member of NZ Duo, Chill Children of which you rap and produce with yet another kiwi talent, both having low-key approaches when it comes to presenting yourselves through social media. What happened with that?

Me and J Cafe started Chill Children as a rap project in the early days but we moved to different places in the world and started doing our own solo projects so things sort of stopped happening with it.

I still credit those times with really getting me started on music though. He's still making dope shit and we'll probably link up on a track soon.

So then it became a sort of collective community, and through your Chill Children Soundcloud, you allow a platform for other artists to have their music heard.

Much Love on the concept, What inspired you to start sharing other artists music and what keeps you sharing? I'm very grateful btw, too many gems.

I work on music a lot with my friend emo the optimist (aka kodama) and we always wanted to run a label/collective kind of thing so we could release music from artists that we really liked.

After me and Jesse started doing our own thing, Chill Children seemed like the perfect place to start doing that.

It's one of my favorite things to work on as we have a hand in working with the artists on every release. I just love that we're able to share so much music that we really like with the world.

Check Chill Children here -

Bandcamp - https://chillchildren.bandcamp.com/

Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/chillchildren

Instagram - @chillchildren

Any new Chill Children material we should keep an eye out for?

We always have new music from new artists dropping so definitely follow our instagram/twitter if you want to stay updated on it.

We're currently working on a phonk compilation with guys like DJ Yung Vamp, Genshin etc. It's gonna be crazy 🤯

Back to your solo releases through your alias Jetson. What made you want to start putting out your material alone? Also, do you have a favourite Jetson release?

I really felt like I had to release music solo to see what I could do.

I've learned so much about myself through that process, became more confident and a better musician.

Probably my favorite rap track I've made is called 'Escape'.

Not many people have heard it but it's on Spotify and other places.

My favorite beat I've made is probably 'dylan rieder'.

Have to ask, are you working on any new releases we should keep an ear out for? If so, what can we expect with your coming releases?

I just released an album on Bandcamp called THROWED TAPES which was really influenced by DJ screw and other phonk producers.

I'm working on a lofi R&B tape for Bandcamp, a lofi beat tape, and I really want to release a rap EP.

Who knows when those will come out though haha

Taking it back a little to your rapping again I have to mention "Milk". What inspires the words in this track?

Also please share the story behind your track "Melancholy"? The words are somewhat mesmerizing, thank you!

With milk, I just heard the beat from bsd.u and really wanted to make something weird that just followed the flow of the beat.

On melancholy I tried to think about what I was saying a little more. The instrumental is so introspective and smooth I knew I had to come correct on it.

THROWED TAPES By Jetson, released August, 27, 2020

Musical Recommendations?

junyii - emo the optimist - knxwledge - j cafe - jesse james solomon - the smiths - dj yung vamp - shuggie otis - hm surf - alicks - MIKE - baccyard - meraki soul - steve hiett I could go on for days though lol

Creatives to keep an eye out for in music and art? Takuroh Toyama (photography) Moebius (visual art) Steve Hiett (photography/music) Any Last Words?

It really trips me out that people enjoy something I love to do so much.

So just thank you for vibing with me, I have a lot more to share ✌️

Support Jetson here -

Soundcloud - https://soundcloud.com/highimjetson

Bandcamp - https://jetsonbumps.bandcamp.com/

Spotify - https://open.spotify.com/artist/2bkf2PmiVyfCqg2uzIFIqJ

Twitter - https://twitter.com/jetsonbumps

Instagram - https://www.instagram.com/jetsonn/?hl=en

Milk by Jetson (Production by bsd.u)

[sincerelymarinette]

A Recorded Life (32/50) - Miraculous Ladybug

Words: 1758 Chapter Summary: A few days after the release with Jagged Stone, many things have gone back to normal. Well, kind of. Adrien and Marinette have been having a lot more sleepovers and movie/game nights, but they're just friends, right? Hawkmoth says time for another akuma! Author's Note: i have a love/hate relationship with this one. I really wanted to write another akuma battle but it was really hard for some reason, but I like everything else about the chapter. Also, I want to see Marinette and Adrien play Mario Kart.

Prev / Next / Masterlist

Copy

---

Alya, Nino, and Chloé were ecstatic. On Friday, Master Fu had left Miraculous boxes in their rooms for them. Clearly, he agreed it would be beneficial to have the extra backup against Hawkmoth and his newfound persuasiveness. Marinette knew it was hard for Master Fu to let other Kwamis out in the world, but it would really give Marinette and Adrien a hand.

And they had been helping out! Hawkmoth akumatized a kid over the weekend, and it was the perfect chance to give Rena Rouge, Carapace, and Queen Bee a chance to get back out there. It's safe to say Hawkmoth wasn't expecting it, and he was probably going to up his game with there being more Miraculous holders against him. The team needed to be prepared.

After a week, Adrien and Marinette have been having as many sleepovers as they can get. Adrien keeps telling his father and Nathalie he has projects with her, and he kept calling or texting to say he was staying the night, it was safer than waiting around for a ride home. For some reason, Nathalie didn't argue it.

"They asked me if I know who Rena Rouge and Carapce are," Adrien said as they raced in Mario Kart.

"What did you say?" Marinette asked. "Ha! Blue shell coming for you!" She cheered.

Adrien groaned when he dropped into fifth place. "I told them I had no clue. They and Chloé just showed up the other day, and we've been making do."

"Good idea," Marinette nodded. "We don't need anyone knowing their identities, us and Chloé are enough," She sighed. "Yes!" She jumped up as the screen showed he crossing the finish line in first place. "Told you I play too much Mario Kart."

With a defeated nod, Adrien laughed as Marinette went on to select the next course. "They also kind of mentioned they don't like how much I've been over here? They think it's weird."

"Well, are you going to stop?" Marinette turned her head to look at him.

"No way, I have to beat you at Mario Kart eventually!" He pushed her shoulder. "I told them I was at Nino's helping him catch up on school work."

Marinette chuckled when she selected Rainbow Road. "And they believed it because they don't like Nino and probably think he isn't good at school."

"Naturally," Adrien said. "God, I'm gonna fall off this map like seventeen times in the first lap. Why, Mari?"

Just as Adrien said that, he drove right off the course. He also drove off the course when he heard a crash. "What a shame! An Akuma attack!" Adrien called out. "Guess we can't finish the race."

Marinette rolled her eyes. "We'll be playing later," She said as the turned off the TV and stood up.

"Tikki."

"Plagg."

The two transformed into their superhero selves and saw a flash of light come from a few blocks away. Ladybug opened her yo-yo to call the others, but Rena Rouge and Carapace were already running towards her and Chat Noir, and Queen Bee was coming from behind. "Good, we all heard the crash," Ladybug announced and tucked her yo-yo back onto her waist. "Has anyone seen anything?"

"Not yet," Rena Rouge responded. "Just heard the Akuma come from that way," She pointed behind her. "And Carapace and I figured this is where we would find you."

Queen Bee furrowed her eyebrows. "What? No, the Akuma came from that way," She pointed in the opposite direction.

Ladybug and Chat Noir looked at each other. "Don't tell me there's two," Chat Noir said. "That's not...normal?" He sighed.

"Okay, I guess we have to split up. Carapace, you come with me. The three of you head towards the one Rena Rouge heard," She directed to the group. "Everyone, stay safe."

Ladybug and Carapace took off in the opposite direction. "Two akumas? Has he done that before?" Carapace asked Ladybug.

"Not to start with. We've had it where they can duplicate, but that doesn't normally happen until after a little while," She replied. "I'm not even sure if they're the same Akuma, or two different people."

Ladybug held her yo-yo up to her ear. "Chat, you guys see anything?" She asked.

"Yeah, over by the school. You?" He replied.

"Not yet," Just as she said that, there was a crash right around the corner. "Now we do."

Chat Noir grunted as he jumped out of the way. "All this Akuma has done is throw cars at us and grunt. He hasn't said anything."

"We're just encountering ours. Stay safe," She said and put the yo-yo back on her waist. She nodded to Carapace, and at the same time they began running towards the Akuma. It looked like Stoneheart, but three times his size and a lot more violent. Stoneheart was years ago, why did Hawkmoth decide to create this one now?

Carapace laughed. "The old man must be running out of ideas," He said.

"Maybe we can beat him the same way we did years ago," Ladybug thought out loud. Just as she was about to call her lucky charm, Carapace yelled and grabbed her arm.

"Shell-ter!" He screamed, and a shield popped up around them. "What the hell is happening?" He asked as they stared at the Akuma.

The Akuma seemed to pixelate, and was shrinking down. The Akuma was now a copy of The Puppeteer, but again, three times the original size. "Manon?" Ladybug called out. She looked so different, but that was what she looked like when she was Akumatized.

"I am not Manon!" The Akuma yelled. "I am Copy. And you will give me your Miraculous!" The Akuma demanded. Though they looked like the Puppeteer, they sounded nothing like Manon. The voice was distorted, switching from really deep to really high, and everything in between.

"Well, this should be...interesting," Ladybug signed and called Chat Noir on her yo-yo. "You figure out what your Akuma can do?"

Chat Noir was breathing heavily. "Oh yeah," He said as he was running. "Yours changing from Akuma to Akuma, too?"

"Yep. Twins, maybe?"

"That, or one is a fake," Chat Noir replied.

"I doubt it," Ladybug said. "He wouldn't want to risk not getting a Miraculous."

With a groan, Chat Noir hung up his baton. "What's she been saying?" Ladybug asked Carapace.

Carapace shrugged. "I think they're trying to persuade you again."

"I won't let that happen. I've got too many other things to worry about and won't be persuaded," Ladybug determined.

"And if it takes over, you now I got your back, dude," Carapace promised.

Ladybug smiled and nodded. "Okay, I have a plan."

As Ladybug explained the plan quickly and quietly to Carapace, Copy was shifting into any Akuma that could break through the forcefield. Nothing was working, but it sure was distracting.

As Copy retreated back to switch Akumas again, the forcefield dropped to start the plan.

"Ah, I see you're finally deciding to join me," Copy, now Silencer with a twist, pointed out. They changed again, now as Lady Wifi, holding up the phone and ready to strike.

Copy started throwing the pause buttons at Ladybug and Carapace, both of them dodging flawlessly. Copy was clearly getting frustrated. "Come on, Marinette," Copy sing-songed. "Where's Adrien? Aren't you worried that since you guys are separated, he could be hurt?" Copy asked. "If you give me your Miraculous, you could go save him now."

Ladybug stopped moving and stared at Copy. "Ladybug! Don't!" Carapace yelled as he stood next to her.

She burst out laughing. "You think I'd fall for that again?" She directed at Copy. "No way! I know the rest of my team is safe, and they're just as strong. Hawkmoth really needs to learn some new tricks."

"Come on," Copy egged on. "Listen to me, your best friend," They continued. "Go ahead and hand it over."

Ladybug didn't move again, but saw Carapace sneak away while Copy was focused on Ladybug. She was staring at Copy, while Copy was slowly getting closer.

Marinette didn't realize how long the back and forth lasted, but it was a while. She continued to lead Copy to believe she almost was going to give up her earrings, but at the last second would back out. She couldn't imagine how annoyed Hawkmoth was, but she knew he wouldn't give up.

Finally, after Copy was almost going to give up, Carapace threw his shield from behind and hit Copy in the head. Copy fell forward, and at the perfect time, Carapace yelled, "Shell-ter!" And captured Ladybug and Copy into a green forcefield.

Copy was nearly losing consciousness, which seemed to make it hard to focus on being Lady Wifi. Copy pixelated again, turning back into what Ladybug guessed was what Copy really looked like. She picked up the piece of paper in Copy's hand.

"Oops," She said when she ripped it in half, and the Akuma flew out. "Well, isn't that lucky! No more evildoing for you, little Akuma."

Ladybug captured the Akuma, and Carapace dropped the forcefield. They high-fived each other, and ran as fast as they could to find the other three heroes and capture the other Akuma. Just as Ladybug and Carapace arrived, they saw their Akuma pixelating just like the other one, and Rena Rouge snapped the paper out of Copy's hand. "Gotcha!" Ladybug yelled as she landed in front of Copy and the other heroes.

"Talk about perfect timing," Rena Rouge said as the purified Akuma flew away.

"Where's Chat?" Ladybug asked, looking around.

Rena Rouge pointed to a building a few rooftops away. "He got hit and went to go recharge, but Queen Bee and I handled the rest of Copy. Speaking of, we should help them get home."

Ladybug nodded. "Yeah, of course. You and Carapace can take care of that, right?" She asked.

"Yeah, it's no problem," Rena Rouge said and started to walk towards her respectful twin.

Ladybug took off toward the rooftop Chat Nour was on. "Adrien, are you okay?" She said when she saw Chat Noir laying on the roof.

Chat Noir started to sit up. "Yeah, I'm good. Just a little hit."

Grabbing his hands, she helped Chat Noir stand up. "You had me worried," Ladybug said as she pulled him into a hug.

When they released, Chat Noir and Ladybug- no, Adrien and Marinette, were staring at each other. With very little thought, they looked at each other, and leaned in to share a kiss.

---

Alya Césaire @alyacesaire

WE'RE WINNING TODAY BOYS

---

@lady-of-the-roses-and-lilies @bookishserendipity03 @avatheexceed @gkz10 @coccinellegirl @kat-thatoneweirdo @strawberryblondish @snow-swordswoman @lilgaga98 @evufries

[ghost-btch]

He Could Be The One~ 5 Seconds Of Summer

(Chapter One: Phoenix)

Prologue was posted right before this on my blog. I would link it but I'm scared it won't show up in the tags if I do.

Rating: literally for everyone lol

Warning: none besides the fact there may be grammatical errors, oops lol

Word Count: 1.6k

Author's note: You can read this also on wattpad, @/raineyC4. I may update quicker on there then here so go check it out on there aswell. This is my first Tumblr Fanfic so this is quite exciting, though I've been making stories on wattpad since 2016. Anyways enjoy the story!!

*******************************************

3rd Person P.O.V

   The blue-eyed blonde singer stood right off stage. Her show would start in a few minutes. She was incredibly nervous, like always. She's done this for years but the anxiety is always there. But as clique as it sounds, every time she steps on stage that feeling fades away. She shook herself and prepared to walk on. Then before she knew it, it was her que to walk on.

The big screen on the back "wall" was flashing in black and white, then red "Phoenix". It glitching as it did so to the beat of the song.

That song was ...Ready For It? by Taylor Swift. Phoenix only had about 10 songs of her own out so she did a lot of covers.

"Knew he was a killer first time that I saw him..." Phoenix began to sing trying not to smile to create an effect.

As she sang she danced around the "T" shaped stage to the song. It seemed be choreographed but really she just made them up as she went. She was a true performer.

She wore a black body suite much like Taylor Swift wore during her preformce of the song. But it had more of shorts at the bottom. And it had a few red sparkles. Her hair was slightly curled and she wore crimson red lipstick. Her reddish boots went up to her knees.

When the song came to an end the next song, I Did Something Bad, started to play.

Phoenix loved to preform this song more then even her own songs. She had managed to learn Taylor Swift's original choreography to the song from watching the AMAs preformce over and over again. It was a dramatic performance and Phoenix loved it for that exact reason.

When she finished she was at the very end if the "T" stage in the middle. She laughed and smiled like an idiot looking over the crowd. And starring back at her where around what seemed a thousand people.

"Oh my God! I can't- I can't believe this is my life! Y'all have no idea how much I've dreamed and wished for the chance to do this. I love each and every one of y'all for being here. Whether you wanted to, weather you were bored and went to the nearest concert just because, or you were dragged here by someone else. Just thank you and I hope you guys like the show so far! You seem to be, but are you?" the crowd screamed, "Okay I'm gonna take that as a yes. Anyways she next song's called 'Don't Blame Me' and oh I'm Phoenix!" Phoenix said into the mic.

****

When the song finished she was back in the place she started. A trap "door" under her lowered her to under the stage. There she had to quickly change into the next costume while the ending music of "Don't Blame Me" played to the crowd.

While this happened a red piano was rolled out onto the stage. Phoenix walked out wearing a red sequined top with a red skirt that went to her knees.

She sat down on the little bench and started to play a few keys, "So this I wrote a while back when I was in middle school. I had this friend who I'd geek out with. Eventually I realized I liked him. After awhile I couldn't take it anymore and told him in a note that I practically threw at him out of nerves," she laughed at this, "Then after about a week he gave me a small piece of paper that read 'sorry I just want to be friends'. I was devastated of course, but I just hoped nothing would change. Oh how I was wrong. He never spoke to me again. Here's a song I wrote about a year later."

She proceeded to sing a song called "Let Things Go". It was written so long ago, and she was definitely, definitely, over the kid. But she every time she sang it she felt as if it was a new scar. 'Guess scars don't really ever go away?' She thought one day.

As soon as it finished she started to play another Taylor song, The Moment I Knew.

It of course started on the piano, but when it came to the chorus she stood up. And after the chorus she walked around the stage almost acting out the lyrics.

During the bridge Phoenix looked out into the crowd almost crying as the lyrics said it too.

As it finished ahead gave a soft smile. Just two years ago in her 20th birthday this song became so real for her. She wasn't quite over this scar yet.

She walked back to the piano and when she walked out from behind it she was no longer wearing the skirt, but now a pair of black shorts.

She then jumped up onto the piano and sat on it, her legs dangling off. The music of We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together started to play.

She began singing while still sitting until the "What?" part and acted out the song the rest of the song. Phoenix always had the most fun singing this song, it never got old. And by the end she was sat back on the piano.

"Liked that little costume changed?" Phoenix laughed as the crowd cheered.

She hoped off the piano, "So I was wondering if it was okay for me to do a little something different now? I won't be able to run around though, so there's a negative. But I really think you're gonna lie the positive! Just give me a second, I'll be right back."

She scampered off stage and when she walked back on she held a red guitar in her hands. She walked up to the microphone stand in the middle of the stage right before it extended out.

"So uhh, surprise!" Phoenix said into the mic smiling.

"So how about I play my guitar here for a few songs? I'll take that as a yes. So this first one is an old one. It's from an old Disney show called Hannah Montana. It was definitely my favorite TV show and this was one if my favorite songs. Never thought that eventually I'd laugh at a few lyrics because of someone. No I'm not saying who, though most of y'all probably already know. Anyways hears a song called 'He Could Be The One'!"

"Smooth talkin', so rockin'

He's got everything that a girl's wantin'

Guitar cutie, he plays it groovy

And I can't keep myself from doin' somethin' stupid..." she sang smiling at a few certain lyrics.

The girl completely jammed out to the song like there was no tomorrow. Running around in that one area when she wasn't singing. Yep definitely a performer.

"Well that was fun!" Phoenix laughed.

"Well I think it's time for one where I know y'all will have fun aswell." She said as she started to play "She's Kinda Hot" by 5 Seconds of Summer.

"Surprise!" She said right before singing.

But there was one thing that the girl had yet to find out. It was that, that very band stood only a few yards ahead of her.

The boys were just all hanging out in L.A. with nothing to do. Ashton suggest that they should just go to the nearest concert because why not? So they did. Now they stood towards the back kinda freaking out because someone was singing there song.

Then at the end of the song the music faded into "Babylon", another favorite of the blue-eyed singer.

The girl had so much fun playing this song and the audience loved it. Even the people who didn't know the original singers they still acted as if they did.

****

Phoenix changed into ripped back pants and a while shirt to sing the next few songs, all if which being her's.

Falling For You- a song revealed to be about fictional/celebrity crushes

Me- a song about her excepting who she really is

My Story- a song about her childhood and teenage years

We Don't Care About Anyone Else- a song she wrote about her friends and her, and the fact that they know they're weird but totally okay with that

After adding a leather jacket to the mix she also sang a song by Bea Miller called "We're Taking Over".

****

The last part of the concert was all the songs Phoenix felt was the funniest to sing/dance to.

Blank Space- making sure to point her tattoo of "Darling I'm A Nightmare, Dressed Like A Daydream" during that part.

New Romantics

This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things

Then it came to almost a close:

"Well I'm sorry to say but this is the last song of the night. Thanks to all of you, you've made this a night to remember. And I hope that I was able to make you as happy as you've made me! This last song was my first single I put out. I've always been so proud of it and promised to sing it every show. It's about how my life was back in school, to what I'd hope my life would be, and now it really is. Oh and enjoy the original music video playing on the screen!" Phoenix smiled.

Phoenix danced around and sang like her life depended on it. She never wanted it to end. But unfortunately it did. When she finished she said "Thank you" once more and then ran around the perimeter of the stage to touch as may people's hands as she could. She did a bow and then waved with the biggest smile and went off stage.

~~~~

As the show came to a close the 5SOS boys decided to see if they could surprise the girl they just watch perform. But they had to figure out how to get back stage.

"We don't need another last time something like this happened." One said referring to a certain person.

"Hey!" was Ashton's response.

....

Tag list: @rip-lukes-balsamic @euphoric-swift //just comment if you'd like to be on my tag list//

A/N: try to guess who the person Phoenix likes hehe lol

[shhhselah]

What A Wonderful Life...

​Friday, May 17, 2019

2:35pm

​​"What an interesting life you've caught me in the middle of...."

I caught myself saying this out loud a few weeks ago. That date overhead to be exact.

Life is such a journey. Such a process.

Constantly, we're growing, changing, evolving- never really staying in one spot or settling into one modus operandi. Have you ever heard the phrase, "A master piece and work in progress?" That's truly a concept I feel slips the mind of so many. Even ourselves. We know that we're changing and adjusting, but, honestly, we don't always agree with, like or desire the change we find ourselves going through. Sometimes that change alters us physically, and it may not always be flattering or pleasing.

And other times, we witness emotional, mental and spiritual transformations that either excite us, or frighten us. I've experienced this. We all have. (And actually, correction- I ​​am experiencing this. A season that rattles me because I don't recognize my spiritual surroundings.)

We all have those moments where you take stock of who you are versus who you used to be and find yourself to be a current stranger to the you once known. A stranger in your own body, a foreigner in your own thoughts.

​​When did I get so defensive? When did I become so broken? Why did I stop trusting, smiling, opening up? When did I stop talking, believing, hoping? How did I stop loving? When did I stop truly ​​living? What happened.... to "me?"

And you know what can be so damaging and yet helpful all at once? ​​M e m o r i e s.

See, while it's good to recall memories, it's so harmful to ​​harp on them. We were made to live in the present, it's why our breath comes and goes so steadily instead of staying behind in one spot that we have to consistently travel backwards to in order to reach. We were designed to live in the moment.

Those memories are a blessing. They're an opportunity to view and learn from every present you've ever found yourself in, every gift you've gotten to live in- so that you can walk a little straighter, wiser and freer in the next....but the moment you start harping on those past presents, you neglect all the undivided attention this current one requires. And you live in a duality that brings both anxiousness and confusion.

You bring a nasty case of comparison into the mix. We tend to split our time between nostalgia, trauma, reality and delusions of grandeur. Past. Present. Future.

The both good and bad times of the past, the ever steady action of the present and the unknown possibilities of the future. We live in them all and somehow expect our present selves to maintain order and a standard of satisfactory being that appeases each viewpoint.

Let me set you free here and now-

You will ​​never be completely like your old self- you've gone through too much. So much more than that self of even ​​days ago has experienced. I'm starting to learn and accept that, but it's hard for me on some days when I liked the old version better. What gives me hope, is knowing that God has a greater design for me that He didn't leave in the past, but lays peacefully in every step forward I take. If the past were better, I'd be there. But it's not. There was something there that was still obsolete, untapped and lacking.

What's more, you will ​​never be like your future self- they've witnessed more than the present can presently tell you. Secrets that God has purposed only time to hold.

And understand, your present self is constantly being prepared for the future and shaped by the past. They're under a lot of work. But that work is null in void if you don't allow them to soak up every moment they're in so they can pull something from it and be molded by it.

​​What an interesting life you've caught me in....

Who we're used to being and used to being known as, isn't going to always be the truth of who we are and will be. So set yourself free to forever be a work in progress and masterpiece all at once.

Set yourself free to live life and experience life as it comes. If the day is unpredictable, why can't your growth process be? Don't set restrictions on yourself. Live. What's meant will come and happen, because you have a sovereign God who always starts what He finishes (​​Isaiah 46:9-11). And He calls you His workmanship, His clay, His skillfully and wonderfully made creation in whom He delights.

Trust me, He has an attention to detail and His attention is all yours. You're worth it, and truly, He loves it. So be free, and live in the beautiful, yet startling vulnerability of being creation, where you don't have to constantly create yourself- forever loved and governed by Almighty above.

"12 Not that I have already obtained this or am already perfect, but I press on to make it my own, because Christ Jesus has made me His own. 13 Brothers, I do not consider that I have made it my own. But one thing I do: forgetting what lies behind and straining forward to what lies ahead, 14 I press on toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus. 15 Let those of us who are mature think this way, and if in anything (in any point) you think otherwise (differently), God will reveal that (make it clear) also to you. 16 Only let us hold true (live up to) to what we have (already) attained."

Philippians 3:12-16

Don't ever feel like you have something to prove. What God has put in you is intrinsic. The areas you walk into were made to build you, be a catalyst that sparks your nature and be a field in which to practice, hone and shine in who you are. You were created for those places.

Your only job is to BE. God will continue to sculpt exactly what that "being" looks like at any given moment, whether seemingly good, bad, ugly or pleasing. That's a part of Surrender- ​​ceasing resistance, submitting to an authority greater than your own, to give up possession of, to deliver up."

Give up your ideas of what you should do, who you should be, and where you should be. It's an act harder done than said, but it's a journey that is best walked with the Creator- who has all the finer details etched out and all the possibilities accounted for- purposing each one for good. (​​Psalm 37:23, Proverbs 16:9, Romans 8:28)

Do you know the difference between Evidence and Proof?

Proof is a biased concept. It seeks to discount one thing and support another.

Evidence is objective. It has no agenda. It is simply there, and its presence tells a story.

The story of God's existence is in the evidence of creation- our world. He tells us this in ​​Romans 1:19-20.

Trees, animals, the ocean, the wind, birds, bees, flowers, and even our complex DNA, they have never moved to prove anything. They simply exist and operate in their nature, and have been a consistent testimony to something greater.

We have sought for years to understand their origin and complexity, ​​our origin and complexity. They derive from the same Caretaker who clothes the fields of grass and feeds the birds of the sky.

​​"25 'Therefore I tell you, do not be anxious about your life, what you will eat or what you will drink, nor about your body, what you will put on. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothing? 26 Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? 27 And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? 28 And why are you anxious about clothing? Consider the lilies of the field, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, 29 yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. 30 But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which today is alive and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, will he not much more clothe you, O you of little faith? 31 Therefore do not be anxious, saying, ‘What shall we eat?’ or ‘What shall we drink?’ or ‘What shall we wear?’ 32 For the Gentiles seek after all these things, and your heavenly Father knows that you need them all. 33 But seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness, and all these things will be added to you.

34 Therefore do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.'"

​​Matthew 6:25-34

You will always feel behind and be behind when you have something to prove.

God is always with us. In every moment. Living in the past or future holds no meaning, it's a trick of the enemy that keeps us between condemnation and striving desperately and futilely beyond grace.

​​"8 For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not your own doing; it is the gift of God, 9 not a result of works, so that no one may boast. 10 For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them."

​​Ephesians 2:8-10

I've had a habit of pointing to the past to remind God of where I can't go again or where I was better off. I also have a habit (which was the entirety of my 2018), where I take the snippets of what God has shown me He has for me, and I drag Him around and try to drill Him like a sergeant to get me there. The year was saturated with impatience, exhaustion, resentment, bitterness, envy, confusion and hurt.

This life is not yours when you're in Christ. It's His. ​​​​Galatians 2:20 ​​tells us that,

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who lives, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself for me."

And in being His, there are plans, achievements, dreams, timings, and revelations that He's taken on the responsibility to deliver and create. This is not yours to carry.

Why carry something on your own that God told you He'd do Himself? If He put it on your heart, it's for Him to do, not you. Why try to do God's job and be Him? How futile. We fail and stall out when we attempt to take His plans, make them our own and go running off with them.

There is a partnership called Faith. That leads us to Obedience. But we can't obey who we do not serve or even acknowledge. When striving in our own efforts, understandings, assumptions and desires, when do we have time and room to consult the One who prepared our good works ahead of time?

Stay steady with Him in the now. His grace has covered your entire timeline, but reap the benefits of the fresh mercies He purposed for this moment.

​​"22 The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;

   his mercies never come to an end;

23 they are new every morning;

   great is your faithfulness."

​​Lamentations 3:22-23

Don't try to run ahead. Take it from me, it leaves you bitter and worn.

Be spoiled by the God who has already completed the works.

​​"9 Remember the former things of old,

For I am God, and there is no other;

I am God, and there is none like Me,

10 Declaring the end from the beginning,

And from ancient times things that are not yet done,

Saying, ‘My counsel shall stand,

And I will do all My pleasure,’

11 Calling a bird of prey from the east,

The man who executes My counsel, from a far country.

Indeed I have spoken it;

I will also bring it to pass.

I have purposed it;

I will also do it."

​​Isaiah 46:9-11

Prove nothing and never strive . Like evidence, just be, and watch yourself ever unfold on this journey of life as God unravels all the beautiful secrets He's placed down on the inside of you, tucked neatly away in the timeline of your path.

Time to be set free, darlings.

Live. Presently.