#but it didn’t happen lol I’m a fuckin sheep

[melrosing]

tullys 🐟!

[best-cosmetics123]

https://plazza.pk/product/versace-eros-perfume

[schoolbagx]

https://plazza.pk/product/bnb-brightening-vitamin-c-organic-source-face-wash/

[readbythestarlight]

c2e136

Oh? Prop sale??

Oh darn lol

"To the creep who loves me" xD

Okay, that was

Something

Yeah

[[MORE]]

Last we left off Essek and Caleb were flirting

Oooo are the eyes giving them night vision? That’s handy at least

Like I still hate them but

Oh daaaaaamn

Cad’s and Fjord’s playful antics are my faves

?????

Sprinkle is Artagan?????

WHAT

That’s amazing

Oh no

Too many powers

.....hey jester ask Essek who he has a crush on while Caleb reads his thoughts

Kidding I’m sorry I’m awful

Oh?

OHH??

Temporal?? Alteration??

AYOOOOO

THE DODECAHEDRONS

Time travel holy shit

Here we go

It’s all coming together

Oh boyyyyy

Essek and Caleb gonna have to make some decisions

"Is he coming onto you?"

god jester I sure hope so

"It’s complicated" IT DOESNT HAVE TO BE THO

Except I like that that wasn’t a solid no

Fjord don’t encourage fluffernutter

Y’all can’t just not huh

Yasha what??

Babe??

SOMEBODY HEAL HER

Everything is going baaaaaadly

Which makes me think that yet again the Big Fight will be next week

Tentacles now, lovely

Of course he knows you’re there you morons

Okay please go to break I need to sleep

God I hate Lucien

Oh god oh man wait this is actually happening

I didn’t think we’d actually ever get here and now I’m SCARED

Okay okay I didn’t mention this at the time but can we talk about how the key to what Caleb has been looking for since episode 1 (time travel magic) was revealed to be the combination of dunemancy and transmutation, aka the combination of Essek’s school of magic and Caleb’s school of magic because Y’ALL

This ship sails itSELF

The freaking PLOT is sailing this ship at this point like look at all this stuff that is literally just Caleb’s and Essek’s mutual interests and magical pursuits

"Here’s my plan: we’re all COWS"

I hate him a lot

Oh I forgot he got the fuckin’ orb

Ooooo Lucien did NOT like that

"Tell us more, Circus man."

Why??? React to it??

Holy?

Shit?

Bad vibes noPE

What was the point of that??

"Leave this world better than how you found it?" stoooppppp

"Earn your ticket. Come join the show." I hate it.

Fuck

I love how Matt is talking slow, gives them the chance to do something anD THEYRE NOT DOING ANYTHING

FUCKING GO AFTER HIM

HERE WE GOOOOOOOOOO

and by here we go I mean now we get to go into the astral plane and have at least one MORE episode until we fight Lucien

Where does Essek fall into the initiative

Essek it’s time to pop in and save your boy

I’m WHEEZING wildmagic is the best

Caleb

Babe

CALEB

HES A SHEEP

HE SHEEPSHIFTED

No Caleb!!

“In space no one can hear you bleat”

Essek just standing here like “this is the man I have chosen to love” as he turns into a sheep and steps into the portal

Oh darn he didn’t see it xD

“Don’t be sheepish get in there”

“This shear torture”

Oh my god the PUNS

“Caleb’s already hoof in’ it that way”

“This is veal bad” veal isn’t even sheep lol

Ooo nice, saving the cleric. Good hot boi.

Look at Jester being the cleric!

Good for her

“Anything for my Princess” lmao

Come on hot boi get yourself out

Oh thank god

NO

JESTER BABE

PULL THE LEVER

oh my god

I’m SO glad Veth did Mage Hand holy shit

I mean now they’re trapped but oh my god

Holy shit we’re really in the Astral Plane now guys

I hate the voices

This is gonna be AWESOME

[square-blunt]

Even though you're never there I didn't feel you disappear.

WOOOOOOOOO I HAVE NOT SLEPT IN THREE DAYS LET'S FUCKING GO WITH A MUMZA & MR. TOMMY DANGER CAREFUL KRAKEN INNIT FIC WITH A THEMES OF REGRET AND CLOSURE WIHT A SPECIAL APPEARANCE FROM HAPPY GHOSTBUR AND FRIEND BC WILBUR SOOT CAN SUCK MY FUCKING DICK LETS FUCKING GO

Tw- a slight bit of a panic attack, but it doesn't last long at all, only a line or two, uh, death mention, Tommy's normal 'I love women' humor, I've taken the liberty to add some of my own hc about how this whole thing works and it's better than what ever Soot (derogatory) could come up with bc i say so. Wc: 4200 (lmfao 420 lol haha) AO3: here

-

Tommy regrets a lot of things. He doesn’t realize how much until he’s walking back from the hotel one cold, windy night. Nothing he would admit, oh no, he would never do that. It was only a way for people to target him more.

‘Talk less, smile more,’ Wilbur would say, ‘everything you say can be used by our enemies.’ And Tommy took that to heart… later than he should have. After Exile to be exact.

‘There’s a reason you never told Techno about what happened,’ Puffy had said, ‘you were scared he would use your trauma against you.’ And she was right… to a point. All this 'would say', 'had said', it didn’t matter to Tommy, it couldn't matter less because what’s done is done, what’s said is said, and who’s gone… is gone. Forever. There’s no point in fighting the unfightable. Battle, person, there was no point. The last time he reached to try and change anything he got killed- he was abandoned, again, and left to die. He knows his situation isn’t fair- Puffy’s told him so, Eret’s told him so, Ranboo’s told him so- but that doesn’t change the fact that it is. It is unfair that he can’t… have things, people. As soon as he makes something for himself, people try and take it away from him, as soon as he finds something that makes him happy they get snatched out of his hands, as soon as he finds people who are willing to help him, unapologetically, no strings attached, they are murdered in front of him. It isn’t fair, and no one else seems to see it. That’s something he regrets. Letting it get this bad. Because if all of this is happening to him, is being blamed on him, there must be something wrong, right? Ranboo doesn’t remember things, so maybe he did something awful and just… doesn’t remember. He burnt George’s house down, and if that warrants Dream’s abuse for months then he could have done anything to deserve everything else. To have almost everything and everyone he loves to be taken away from him time and time again. He couldn’t show emotion about it either, because he would be punished then, too. His best friend got blown up and he- he fucking- says something about how that’s not fair and then- he gets beat to death in a fucking box- for the crime of- fucking, what would that even count as, questioning the great Technoblade?

‘Oops- sorry- you enjoyed your music a little too much I’m going to kill your best friend and throw you in the prison for it, shouldn’t have done that, Tommy, c’mon now you now better-’ It was fucking ridiculous. He can’t understand why his consequences are so extreme compared to everyone else- Schlatt still got a grave for fuck’s sake! He has no fucking idea if anyone ever made him one- he knows Tubbo did, but Tommy and Tubbbo- Tubbo is the only one who actually gives to fucks about him at this point. Ranboo might be another, but with his memory shit, it’ll only be a matter of time before all he knows of Tommy is what other people tell him. Puffy’s only doing therapy for him because she feels guilty about losing Foolish, Eret, as much as he cares about her, is really only by his side because she feels she has a debt to pay, he’s the one following Wilbur around, fuck what Sam used to be to Tommy, Quackity was only going to get worse, Jack and Niki tried to fucking blow him up- anyone else who has unapologetically been by his side has been killed right in front of him. Everyone who has ever stood up for him has been killed in front of him or almost been killed in front of him- maybe that’s why. Maybe that’s why no one wants to be on his side because they’re afraid of the trouble he brings.

He’s a liability. They don’t want to die- so they’d rather let him die than risk anything.

He’s not a kid.

He’s something to avoid like the plague, and anyone who even remotely cared about him caught it. He feels tears sting his eyes. He hears a big gust of wind shake the trees before it whips around him- carrying a voice. A familiar voice. It whispers in his ear and settles in his mind, soft, like a blanket, he can hear it clear as day, asking if he needs anything, asking what his favorite thing in the world is, crying- crying out that he’s scared- asking with tears burning his face if it’ll be alright, ‘You promised I’d be ok!’

He regrets failing Ghostbur the most out of everything. He regrets not spending enough time with him, he regrets not telling him how much he meant to him- he sprints the rest of the way home. The digs through all his chests, his ender chest, not stopping until he finds-

“Blue, blue, blue, where is it- fuckin- please tell me I have some left, no- fuck where is it? What happened to it- please tell me- oh thank fuck- thank fuck-” After combing through the same two chests multiple times, he finally finds a few handfuls of blue left. Choking back a sob, he sees what's left of the clear turn blue and grow heavy in his hands. Ghostbur remarked that any blue he gave Tommy turned blue on contact, that it was odd, because it only happened with a few other people- Phil and Eret. People with towering regret. Phil must have regretted killing Wilbur… Eret, well, Tommy knows all too well their regret. Tommy was never able to place exactly what his regrets were.

He knows now that his regrets have only grown to encompass everything he knows.

Fuck, he feels so guilty about Ghostbur- it was Tommy's fault, wasn't it? He blamed Sam in the moment, but it really was… he was the one who told Ghostbur what to do- he was the one to use him to get into the prison in the first place. And he had to try and- calm him down- his fear still haunts Tommy's nightmares. Because he did promise. He did promise everything would be ok. But it wasn't, Tommy botched it, and Dream- Tommy had to watch- shit, it was his fault. Ghostbur is gone and there's nothing he can do to bring him back. He doesn't know anything about resurrection, and he- maybe- what if he agreed to let dream out if he got ghostbur back- no, no- no, no that's exactly what Dream wants. He wants Tommy to feel as though he's his only option. So Dream still has control. He… the last thing he wants for Ghostbur is to become a trading point. On the verge of tears, the blue changes in his hands. That never happened before- the blue changing. He looks down, and sees that the blue has turned into wool.

He hears a sheep bleat happily outside his door.

He scrambles up, moving faster than he has in a while, throwing his door open- he's not at his house. He's… not in the server even- what the hell-

It's still nighttime, but the stars are thousands of times brighter than he remembers. Instead of the prime path ahead of him, there's a quartz walkway spanning under tall birch and spruce trees; it seems that the stars are in the leaves, too. He looks behind him, hoping to hide back in his house- but it's not there. Instead, a quartz and mossy cobble archway, with more quartz pathing spilling out behind it. Tommy… might be stuck here. But he doesn't start to panic. He feels a strange kind of calm. Like this realm will let him out when his business is done. But he doesn't know what his business is.

He feels the weight leave his hands. He looks down- and the blue wool has turned clear. It's turned into delicate spindles of… something. Back to its original state. That has… never happened to Tommy before.

He looks past his hands, and the path lights up where his feet are. He jumps around a little, the light disappearing when his feet leave the path, and reappearing as they make contact again.

He laughs.

He dances around, his smile growing bigger.

The stars and the leaves seem to laugh with him.

"Hello, Tommy." a soft voice says behind him. A woman's voice.

Tommy stops, turning around, his grip tightening around the… well, it's not blue anymore, is it?

The woman is standing under the archway, tall, wearing black robes that flow around wings that are tucked neatly behind her, her long black hair almost seems a dark purple when it catches the light. To top it all off, she has a large black hat, similar to a witch’s hat, but Tommy understands that she doesn't want to hurt him. But he can never be too careful.

"Who- who the fuck are you?" Tommy says, defensively.

"Please, don't tell me that's how you greet every woman you come across?" She says, lightness in her voice and laughter in her eyes.

"Only the ones who trap me in weird- what is this place?" Tommy mutters, then asks.

"This is my home," she says clasping her hands together in front of her. "I figured you might need some closure."

"It's very pretty," Tommy murmurs again, looking down at his feet.

"Thank you, Tommy, I-"

"Wait, how do you know my name? I've never seen you before, and trust me, I would remember if I had met you." Tommy says, trying to lighten the small ball of worry in his chest. The woman laughs.

"Oh, you are exactly like my husband-"

"Oh no- You're married? Why?? A woman like you can't be tied down to just one man-"

"Tommy!" The woman laughs more.

"Augh- you're tall- you're so fucking tall and dark and mysterious- fucking hell you're tall- like I'm comfortable enough in my masculinity but still-" Tommy laughs, "and you're wearing all black- who's funeral are you going to?" he adds sarcastically. His face falls as her mood noticeably changes more somber.

"Everyone's- and no one's." she takes a few steps forward, and sighs. "My name is Kristin, Goddess of death."

"...what- i- how can- Wait a minute- oh fuck am I dead again- Wait a fucking minute where the hell were you the first three times I died- or for Tubbo- or for- Wilbur- Ghost- Ghostbur? Mexican Dream? Are they here? What do you fucking mean goddess of death? Is this the afterlife? Why the fuck didn't we go here-"

"Tommy, Tommy, I understand that you are.. allowed to ask questions, I called you here against your will- I will let you go back, I promise, and I'm going to try and answer all of your questions. Shall we walk?" She steps up, offering an arm.

Tommy is hesitant. If she… is actually the goddess of fucking death itself does he even have a choice? He nods and takes her arm. He immediately is filled with a cozy warmth- like drinking hot chocolate on a snowy day, finally getting in bed after working all night, a warmth that feels like home, like rest. Tommy muses if that's what a true, honest to prime death would feel like. When your joints finally stop aching, your breath stops rattling around your lungs.

His didn't feel like rest.

He wonders if he'll have a true death- he wonders if his joints will ever stop aching, because they do already. His breath rattles around in his lungs. Will he ever feel rested? With everything he's been through, with all the guilt he's got, probably not.

"Tommy-" Kristin begins to say,

"Are you an American? You sound-" Tommy tries to postpone the conversation he knows she's about to start

"Tommy-" she sighs, but he knows she's not mad.

"I know, I know, I use humor to cope with my trauma and to avoid talking about it, Puffy's told me this." Tommy quickly says. He feels something light brush his other arm- a feather, Kristin's put her wing around him.

"Puffy's smart, you should listen to her." Kristin nods. "But even Einstein didn't have all the answers-"

"Who?"

"-so you still should ask questions." She waves away his confusion with a motherly smile. "And you've asked plenty. And I have plenty of answers. So, one, no. You aren't dead. I simply realm hopped you to me. Any doorway can become a gateway, and it is quite easy to make one for someone like me. Something that I can't do, however, is help with pre-set death rules. Each timeline we make- just plain old 'live your life and die' got boring, so we shook it up. You all got canon lives, which… are completely not up to me. I do not get to decide which death is canon or not, and I don't get to even interact with your spirits until the third."

"Ok, then I wanna talk with the motherfucker who is in charge of those because I have a few words for them-"

"Tommy, trust me, you don't. While you are of great interest to them, and they do like you a lot, they are not going to budge on things. They are stubborn as hell- but they're a storyteller."

"Well, they're fucking stupid whoever they are."

"Although, something they- any of us really- didn't plan for was Dream having the revive book- or the revive book getting stolen from my husband in the first place. I can't tell you how many meetings I had to sit in to try and convince the others not to smite him off his earth- but that's a story for another time. Because of Dream knowing… the contents of that book, he was able to hold souls from coming to me, and he was able to place them wherever he liked. He didn't do Wilbur's soul correctly, however. His soul slipped through the cracks and got placed in… he called it limbo? That caused some issues for Dream that I'll tell you about later, but he messed up again, placing Mexican Dream in a limbo of his own, but those circumstances allowed me to save his soul from Dream-"

"Wait if you could save MD then why not-"

"Wilbur, like I said, slipped away from Dream and fell into his limbo. But, because Dream had no hand in actually directly placing Wilbur there, I wasn't able to save him. Not to mention, the manner of his death…. Nevertheless, I was able to save Mexican Dream from his limbo. In hindsight, I maybe shouldn't have, because Dream learned from that and you… you were placed somewhere I can't even access-"

"The void," Tommy whispers. He doesn't want to think about it, he shifts closer to Kristin, holding tighter to the fluff in his hand and onto Kristin's arm. She, in turn, holds him closer with her wing.

"There's an in-between life and death, and an in-between here and the limbos. Pockets of emptiness, waiting to be filled. More people find themselves there than you think, but even fewer who find their way out- you, and one of our own. There have been others, but your entire life has been different. Do you remember your life before the SMP?" she asks, softly. "You don't have to answer, but it's something to think about."

"I just want- Wilbur said that his limbo was awful. That he was there for thirteen years and that it was awful, and now because of me Ghostbur is there, too…" The black hole in his past is the last thing he wants to think about, so he changes the subject- guilt radiating off him.

"Remember the reason why I couldn't save Wilbur?" she asks, a twinkle in her voice.

"Because Dream didn't put him there- you can only save people who got put somewhere they weren't supposed to be?" Tommy looks up at her, hope tingling in his chest.

"Because Wilbur's soul fell… as naturally as it could have, Dream had to find a soul to replace Wilbur's with- with you, there was no need to find a soul to replace, because he had your soul in his hand, but for Wilbur, it was a… natural resurrection. With a missing soul, the entire continuum would collapse. So, he swapped Wilbur with Ghostbur. He placed Ghostbur somewhere he wasn't supposed to be. I was able to save him. Would you like to see him?" she smiles down at him.

"Wait he-" Tommy stops, his head spinning. Kristin stops too.

"He's safe. He's safe, and it's actually because of you. Because of that book- you can only place a soul in the void once. That was you. He had to put Ghostbur somewhere I could get him, or else his plan falls apart. Now… I can show you where Ghostbur is. But, I can't let him see you, or let you talk to each other. It's a precaution we have to take-"

"No, no, that's fine I just want to make sure he's- that he's- that I'm not-" Tommy shakes his head, trying to clear his mind, he feels like a vice has been released- one of many, but it's one. He takes a long shaky breath and nods his head. "I want to make sure that he's happy."

"Alright, come with me." She leads Tommy off the path and into the trees. Tommy hadn't lied when he said it was pretty. He has lighter steps now, and his smile is bigger than it was when he got here. They walk a little ways, Tommy sprinting when he hears the sound of familiar laughter, bright and carefree. He peeks out from behind a tree to see a clearing with a small house, mossy stone bricks, wood, and- and cobblestone. And, one semi-translucent ghost sitting behind a wall, in a garden of blue and yellow flowers, giggling. He's got a new sweater, still yellow, but there aren't any stains on it- blue or red. It's just… yellow. Pure yellow.

"I also pulled a few strings after that Skeppy incident," Kristin says, coming up behind Tommy, and Tommy perks up as he hears Ghostbur laugh again, this time a blue sheep running around the wall and up to Ghostbur.

"You found me! Good job, Friend!" Tommy hears Ghostbur say. Tommy feels a sting in his eyes, and then a hand on his back.

"You promise he's happy?" Tommy whispers.

"I swear," Kristan answers. Ghostbur stands and says something to the sheep, who bounds away. Ghostbur begins to count- backward from 10. Tommy doubles over, clutching his stomach.

"Tommy?" Kristin crouches down next to him, rubbing circles into his back.

"Counting down from 10 is not a good thing, I've decided," Tommy says, looking ahead, as Ghostbur laughs his wonderful laugh and disappears around the wall. His throat becomes dry, he doesn't want to cry in front of a goddess.

"It wasn't your fault." Kristin stands next to him, Tommy straightening up to meet her.

"Wasn't it?" he feels a tear run down his face, as he stares at the spot in that gates where Ghostbur was just moments ago.

"It was Dream's, as are so many others. Just because he punished you, doesn't mean it wasn't his fault, to begin with. Chances are, it was his fault more than anyone else's," Kristin says, her hand still running Tommy's back. He sniffles. "Are you ready to go?"

"No."

"I know, I'm sorry." Kristin's hand leaves his back, and it takes all his willpower to turn away from the small cottage and follow her. They make it back to the path, and she stops, "Oh, he gave this to me, but I don't really need it, so here. Have some blue."

That's when Tommy cries.

She's holding out a handful of light blue wool, he opens his left hand to show his one wool, now a dark blue. He reaches out, quickly, snatching it out of her hands, and he sobs out a sorry. The blue, once again, turns dark blue on contact. Then it turns clear- and then immediately turns dark blue again. It fluctuates between clear, and every shade of blue, as more and more tears fall from his face. He blocks out Kristin's words on habit- Wilbur would be telling him to suck it up by now. He tries to stop the tears, to stop sobbing, to regain composure, but he can't.

"I- I- I've- I'm a murd- I murdered pe- people- I'm not- a good p- person- why- did he tr- eat me like- I was- he treat- they tre- treated me like- like- like- like a human- when no- no one else- did- and- look at- look at where that got h- him-" Tommy turns his face into Kristin's side, and she hugs him close, closing her wings around him too. He holds the blue up to his face, letting the tears catch in it.

"Tommy, there's a reason they chose you. It's because they saw what you could be- who you could be. They wanted to help you. They knew, under all that doubt and hurt and regret was a boy who loved his friends. And they love you, too. I swear on it." She keeps rubbing circles into his back, letting Tommy cry. "I know all about sorrow, Tommy," she says, kind, "I understand that you will hurt. There's no bringing back who you lost, and it will hurt for as long as you live- but that hurt is proof that you care. It's proof that you are a good person. You are a good person."

Tommy breathes in a long shuddering breath, and lets it out, moving his arms to hug her back.

"Thank you, mom- oh wait I'm sorry-" Tommy pulls back, absolutely mortified at his slip-up, Kristin just laughs- not at Tommy, no, no, it's happy… motherly.

"No, Tommy, I can be your mother if you'd like!" She smiles.

"Yeah, because Puffy is kinda my dad because Phil didn't really do a good job." Tommy looks down at his feet.

"Oh, of course, I think my husband would be fine with adopting another kid. Although, considering what happened to the first one- I'm kidding, I'm kidding, he could have turned out worse," Kristin laughs, holding Tommy’s face and wiping away the tear marks.

"Wait- wasn't I flirting with you a few minutes ago-" Tommy smiles, laughing too.

"Oh my-"

"Welp, you're still my mother now- that makes you a milf, you're welcome!" Tommy doesn't mean anything by it, of course, he's just pointing it out.

"Tommy!!" Kristin laughs harder, and Tommy's smile grows bigger. "We should get you back anyways, you need some sleep."

"But moooooooom-" Tommy complains, joking, of course.

"Now, now, Tommy, I am your mother, I know what's best," Kristin says, picking up the bit.

"My stomach hurts, do I have to go to school tomorrow?" Tommy jokes, walking back towards the archway.

"Oh dear," Kristin tsks, walking next to him, putting the back of her hand up to his forehead, "You don't seem to have a fever at the moment, we'll see how you feel in the morning."

They laugh and joke around until they reach the portal, and she reaches up to pluck a feather from her hat and hand it to Tommy.

"A token for my son. Something you can flaunt around. Also- can you do me a favor?" Kristen smiles.

"Oh, of course!" Tommy gingerly takes the feather and spins it around in his fingers.

"When you get back, can you just tell my husband I said hi? He'll see it." She looks through the empty portal longingly, and Tommy wonders who this husband is.

"If he ever hurts you I'll kill him, " He says, completely serious.

Kristin laughs, "I know you will, Tommy, I know you will. Thank you." She snaps her fingers and the archway leads into his house. She ruffles his hair, and Tommy playfully swats her hand away. "I'll see you again, be safe, ok?"

"I will. Tell Ghostbur, if you can, that…. Tell him that I'm sorry, and that I miss him?" He says, one foot through the gateway, before stopping and looking back.

"I will. Good luck, Tommy.” She smiles, and Tommy can’t help but smile back. He steps through the portal, and looks back one last time- and it’s gone. He sees those oak doors, the prime path outside, he hears Shroud above him. His smile stays.

/msg all: Hey, Kristin’s husband? She says hi.

He laughs.

/msg all: She also adopted me so I’m your son now, good luck L kekw

With that, he closes his communicator and lets the chaos ensue. He spins the feather in one hand and holds the blue- back in its original... substance? He opens his ender chest, placing the blue somewhere he knows he’ll find it, and lays the feather next to his discs.

“Thank you. I’ll do you proud.”

[choicesenthusiast]

Queen B, Ch. 5 AKA Sheep Snatching

What happened this week:

More of rescuing recruiting people from feeling like Poppy’s sheep and asking them to be our sheep instead. This time it’s Taylor, the poor assistant, who probably got arthritis from carrying Poppy’s dry cleaning.

Infiltrate the sorority on a super secret spy mission, which doesn’t really work that well anyways because Poppy can smell anything that’s not designer perfume within a 100 mile radius. Too bad she tells everyone to go away before we can kill her with our 10/10 roast battle skills. She also scares Taylor away to do more dry cleaning.

So let me get this clear. Kingsley can read erotica out loud with you, be openly kinky in a bookstore, spank your ass in a “private part” of the bookstore (first of all, pun intended. Second, bookstores do not have private areas. Some introverted reader will always find a private area before you do, rendering it non-private anymore. I know; I’m one of them.), but also 180os that shit in an instant, claiming to be “unprofessional”. Make it make sense, PB! Make it make McFuckin’ sense.

Recruit Taylor to your posse by convincing her that napkins are not something you tear like tight pants. Oh, and also that she’s unhappy being Poppy’s assistant. That too. I am Collecting. A pixelated sheep army.

“Accidentally” forget to deliver Poppy’s diarrhea meds (irl I wouldn’t wish that upon anybody, no matter how much I hate them, but this shit was funny af to my middle-schooler sense of humour). Or don’t do that.

Poppy is so pissed off that she accidentally breaks the fourth wall, enters into the TNA universe, and steals a character name from there, giving us more free ammunition to aid in usurping her.

Thoughts:

I know that this is such a pisspoor excuse for a bullet point and I’m just nitpicking, but MC fuckin’ litters? I think this was the second time she’s done it. Lol we do not condone littering here on Choices Tumblr.

Someone at PB clearly cares too much about Chrissy Teigen, cause this is the second time in a few weeks that she’s been mentioned. She’s great and all that, but there are so many more celebrities in this world. Unless I woke up this morning and every celebrity doesn’t exist anymore, except for Chrissy? Someone pls confirm.

I see that The Elementalists reference. I see what you’re trying to do, PB. Garner sympathy and pander to those who will never see another Elementalists book again.

So people totally took pictures of us with Taylor in the froyo shop but didn’t see us with the Professor? Hmmmm, seems especially convenient for this unnecessary romance plot.

THE IMAGE OF THE MEDS WAS JUST A BLANK BACKGROUND I CACKLED SO HARD AT THIS IT’S TOO FUNNY

I don’t really care that y’all are into Poppy but I will only ditch my general “I don’t really care about you” demeanor once she starts showing redeeming qualities besides looking good? We keep recruiting people to get dirt on her, yet we still know nothing about her besides what she’s already given us.

[unicyclehippo]

Gosh, you’re so inspiring. I’ve been reading your work and following your blog for a while now. You’ve been helping keep me on track for NaNoWriMo with your posts too haha. I was wondering, do you have any tips for writing dialogue? I’ve done research on how to write it and reread my fav books for inspiration but I always feel my characters are so bland at the end? And then the thought of that is so overwhelming lol. Thank you for listening either way. :)

oh hell Yeah nano buddy !!!

uhh dialogue is wildly difficult for me, i find not-dialogue to be so much easier ! that being said, it’s smth im keen to develop so the two things i usually keep in mind is:

a) people very rarely talk to what they actually want to say.

we have secrets & tact & habits & rituals & messy incomplete knowledge & in jokes with people close to us & history & all of that & people say a lot of stuff by bringing up things they “just thought of” or by inching sideways toward a topic or by making pointed digs about someone being untrustworthy/an asshole/etc but never actually saying too much about what they did (rmbr the time they slashed your brothers bicycle tire? - gd, who does that to a nine year old? - he’s genuinely a horrible horrible man).

& b) this isn’t advice on writing dialogue per se, it’s just smth i keep in mind: listen to people around you. eavesdrop. go to a cafe & listen to two friends talk, or people on a date, or someone skype calling their mum. listen to urself when u talk - what are u leaving out? what are u talking around? why do u do it?

humans arent perfect or even necessarily good at talking. a lot of people don’t talk perfectly. a lot of people don’t talk in the same way & especially it is dependant on who we are talking to & in what context. we um & ah & forget words & drop words we don’t need & make jokes & over describe things we really like or that we think the other person would like. maybe they have a stutter or are very shy or it’s not their first language, etc

//

so take this conversation:

“hey, you awake?”

“no.”

“hm. didn’t realise you were a sleep talker.”

(yawn) “runs in the family.”

“... you know rachael, from the store?”

“... i do know rachael from the store. she’s very pretty.”

“oh yes, i definitely would talk about how pretty another woman is in my marriage bed, that’s what i always think really makes my wife happy. all i was gonna say is that she’s a sleepwalker.”

“know that from personal experience, do you?”

“jesus fuckin—she told me it stopped when her husband of nine years whom she loves very much sleeps in the same bed with her every night but it still happens every time he goes away on trips. and yknow they got a kid,”

“just got one outta the store.”

“picked up a brand spankin’ new laddy.”

“for the low low price of seventeen ninety five you too can have a bouncing baby boy. they eat, shit, and sleep and with new features appearing randomly on the daily like crawling frighteningly fast and babbling like they’re talking to someone but there’s no one there and it makes you think your place is haunted, you’ll never know what happens next!”

“no two babies are the same! this one comes pre-installed with a sensitivity to bees, nature’s hardest worker, and enjoys mischief mayhem and smearing his mushy food all over the walls.”

(laugh) “ok what about their bundle of poopy joy? rachael’s, I mean”

“Hmm? oh yeah, hes just learned to walk, yknow, and he’s started to sleep walk too. they’ve found him all over the place. bathroom. staircase. now that actually runs in the family.”

“Huh. cool, I guess?”

“...are you going back to sleep?”

“i was going to try but i guess it depends on if you’re gonna let me. ... anna?”

“yeah. yeah, go to sleep. sorry.”

“are you going to sleep?”

“of course, yeah.” (a Look.) “im fine, love. it’s not like last time. i just...there are a lot of thoughts in my head right now.”

“you? an over thinker? never would’ve guessed.”

“well i try to dumb myself down for you, y’see”

“you do an incredible job of it.”

“cheers.”

“like, a real bang up job”

“you can stop at any time”

“sometimes i think oh boy this lady has nothing in her head at all”

“you are such an asshole” (laugh) “go to sleep”

“you gonna join me?”

“i think I’m gonna go to the study, actually. read through a boring case and try to fall asleep on the couch, okay?”

“...okay. i love you”

//

so forgive me bc it’s early & i don’t actually have a story for this but the subtext of the conversation is that she has insomnia maybe or she’s too anxious to sleep & her wife is trying to sleep & trying to help her to sleep. but there’s no point in talking about things like “have u tried counting sheep” etc bc this is clearly (hopefully) smth that has happened before & they already know those things don’t work. gentle teasing in place of advice to let her wife know that she knows what is going on, to let her know that it’s okay. because she doesn’t know how to rly help her or what to do

so yeah hopefully this was fun to read & maybe helped? it’s by no means perfect advice, just some stuff i have heard & that i use for my own stories. i also find it helps sometimes if im stuck in a scene to write a stripped down version where they aren’t talking around their problem or secret & see what they might want to say. it helps for getting character motivation clear in ur head so it comes through in the proper dialogue. for the previous convo it might be smth like:

“I can’t sleep”

“What do you need?”

“I don’t know”

“I can’t help you and I’m sorry. I love you”

“I know. I’m going to go somewhere else to not sleep so I don’t disturb you”

//

anyway! have fun nano buddy!! may your dialogue flow easily ! may your characters not fight Too Much as you set them on the page !

[cruddyborderlandstheories]

oh? Typhon?

hell yeah

Here’s some transcripts and speculation

i want you guys to imagine these with a very thick new york accent. 

Recording 4: “I remember the day I arrived on Promethea. Those buildings looked so majestic! I was so busy sky-gazing that a thief stole the pants right off my keister! Promethea’s no Pandora, but a city is still plenty dangerous! I knew this was the sorta place I would either find my destiny or die in a gutter! And thanks to my partner slash nemesis, Azlan DeVega, Promethea was almost both!”

Recording 5: “I thought a city like Promethea would be crammed full of opportunity. But, actually, it was a tinderbox of violence and greed. Corporations were pulling out, calling the joint a dead end. People were starving! Eating stone soup and boiled rats to get by. But, somehow, I survived. It was a real wrong place at the right time type of situation. You know, sometimes the trick to being successful is just staying in the game longer than the other guy.”

Recording 3: “Azlan DeVega: my partner slash nemesis. He talked a big game, but there was a reason why he was down on his luck. He was lazy! But I was hungry to prove myself. Then, one time, we were wandering through the Quazmarian Quarry and I fell through some brittle rock! Azlan calls down: “Nice knowing ya, Deleon!”, grabs my stuff, and splits! Well, I had to find another way up. And, bam! That’s when I found the Vault! I guess the moral is: sometimes you gotta fall before you make it big.”

Recording 1: “I saw the key just sitting there in front of the Vault. Good thing I didn’t open it! I gave the Vault Key to Atlas, got a butt-load of cash and the rest is history! Anyway, as soon as I made my money, who shows up at my door but Azlan DeVega? Sayin’ that I owe him half of the cut! Baloney! I was on my own, and after that, whenever someone wanted to find Eridian ruins, they called me! Typhon Deleon! The first Vault Hunter!”

Recording 2: “So I found that Vault! Atlas was lagging behind those other guys! They almost got wiped out during the corporate wars and were looking to rise from the ashes, like the, uh, what’s it called? The fire bird. Anyway, the Atlas CEO was getting desperate just throwing explorer(s?) at ruins. Now, I never thought growing up on Pandora would do me a lick of good, but I spent my childhood hunting Eridian ruins and that gave me the edge! How about that; Pandora is good for something!”

(I got REALLY distracted while writing this and started analyzing all the Sanctuary 3 footage we got lmao so expect a post on that soon)

So to start, I find it really interesting that Promethea already had a city on it before Typhon arrived. I had assumed the city popped up because Atlas got rich from the discovery of Eridian ruins on Promethea, but that doesn’t seem to be the case! It looks as though a bunch of different corporations all had their hands in the city, but pulled out once the going got tough.

Wild.

Ah, Azlan DeVega. 

Azlan apparently means “Lion” and DeVega means “of Meadow”. This is kinda important for 2 reasons.

1. A very important lion in greek mythology is the Nemean lion, which had golden fur that was impervious to physical attacks and was the child of Typhon. 

2. “of Meadow” didn’t really turn up anything of note within Greek Mythology directly, however! it did return the Epimelides, goddesses of meadows, which translates to “Protector of Sheep”. Sheep and Lions in general are usually associated with Peace, which I thought was a pretty neat connection. I wonder if Typhon is lying... 

3. There’s also this neat bit of mythology here: “When a lion attacked her father's sheep, Cyrene wrestled with the lion” and “when Eurypylus was still ruling Libya, a monstrous lion was created, which was a great terror to the citizens. So Apollo sent Cyrene to kill the beast. After she succeeded, she was made the ruler of the city Cyrene”. I don’t know if this has anything to do with this story tbh but Cyrene is suspiciously similar to Tyreen lmao. Her name even means “Sovereign Queen”... Supreme queen... god queen...... I wouldn’t be shocked if Tyreen goes after Azlan DeVega and/or his descendants

So we’re 100% definitely visiting Quzmarian Quarry, right? This is somewhere on Promethea, so we’ve got a few options. Personally, I wouldn’t be surprised if that’s where the abandoned research base is. 

I say that mostly because it looks as though there’s a door in the floor here. It’d make sense if Typhon fell somewhere and found the Vault there, that Atlas would rush on top of that and ensure nobody else was getting in.

Also, this confuses me, because in TFTBL, its mentioned that Gortys was “Atlas’s last ditch effort at opening a Vault”, but they had the opportunity here! What gives?! I imagine there was resistance, but it sounds like Typhon escaped with the Vault Key just fine, which is weird to me. I suppose if we’re considering opening the Vault being the be-all end-all then Atlas had opened a Vault on Pandora, too. It’s just that they never killed the Destroyer... since, well, y’all know what happened to Steele. And if we’re not considering the Destroyer’s Vault to be a tally in favor of Atlas, then perhaps something attacked those who 'opened’ the Vault and they could never actually access the things inside. It’s likely then, that their technological advances were due to basic Eridian treasure troves, like the one in Captain Scarelett’s DLC (y’know, just, without the Leviathan). 

Furthermore, we can be certain there are at maximum 3 Vault Keys at play in BL3, and minimum there’s only 1.

The one used to open the Vault on Promethea.

The ‘Vault Map’ we see in the Holy Broadcasting Center.

And the Vault Key Lilith had in Sanctuary.

Personally, I was of the theory that the Vault Key we see in the HBC is the same Vault Key from Sanctuary. It’s literally described as a map of Vaults on other worlds, which is what Lilith discovers at the end of BL2 and obviously something happened to Sanctuary before the events of BL3. Of course, its possible this is also the Vault Key used to open the Vault on Promethea, which could mean there’s only one Vault Key (weird considering it takes 200 years to naturally charge, but considering there are Sirens about that can charge the Vault Key forcibly using Eridium, not too weird. Let’s not think about the fact that Eridium only started appearing after the opening of the first Vault for now cuz im super tired lol)

“Sometimes you gotta fall before you make it big”. 

100% this is foreshadowing for the game’s story somehow and you can’t convince me otherwise.

“Whenever someone wanted to find Eridian ruins, they called me!” 

I find it kinda interesting that Tannis never mentions Typhon in BL1 in any of her ECHO logs detailing her time spend on Pandora trying to find ‘evidence of alien life’, however if this is due to DAHL not wanting to use an Atlas schmuck’s info or because the writers created his character for BL3, I’m not certain. Let’s pretend it’s the first one and move on because it really bugs me that Tannis is forced to look for evidence of alien activity on Pandora when apparently Typhon grew up there and “spent [his] childhood hunting Eridian ruins”. 

A reference to the “fire bird”. I know, I know, its a reference to a phoenix, but honestly? how fuckin’ cool would it be if this was actually a reference to the ‘Firehawk’? the mass murdering bounty hunter like the Lilith Firehawk? like if the Firehawk was actually a mythological thing in the borderlands universe. I mean, there’s a pistol called Firehawk in BL1 (y’know, before Lilith starts her cult), so I wouldn’t put it past them to pull that shit. It would kinda make sense for the bandits (who are usually DAHL workers in the first place) to start worshiping the Firehawk as a god if there was a precedent for it already. Even better if it was a dude god, which, outside of Jack not knowing Lilith was alive, could explain her usage of the voice changer.

As for my shitpost? Because you all knew it was coming....

Tannis, Tyreen, and Troy are all descendants of Typhon Deleon in one way or another.

Look at that poster. You tell me it doesn’t look like he’s wearing that giant-ass feather collar Troy’s got going on. 

All their names start with T (oh, such compelling evidence I have here, I know!)

Tannis and Typhon both have yellow goggles

Typhon is basically known as the father of all monsters lmao and he worked with Atlas and baby you KNOW im in love with the Atlas and the Calypsos theory. maybe perhapeth they used Typhon’s dna or his cryo-frozen body to create the twins and thats why they believe the vaults are their birthright, hmmmm?

but hey maybe that’s just because he helped lead to the opening of the first Vault which, y’know, lead to the opening of all the other Vaults. all of which house Vault Monsters

[best-cosmetics123]

[schoolbagx]

[sorcererinthestars]

hi yes since it's your fault I'm in a super myan mood, you get to write me myan (if you want lol). Michael and Ryan stealing a police car and then leading the cops on a merry chase maybe?

Literally you and Shade sent me the exact same prompt. Good thing I adore Myan and I will write my murder bois all night.I got more carried away on this one, apparently.

-

If Ryan was asked later by the rest of the crew what had happened that night, he wouldn’t quite be able to explain it. His breath rasped in his throat as he raced out of the smoky aftermath of one of Michael’s grenades, the air hot and painful in his throat. He backed up, gattling gun hauled in one arm, and shot wildly into the crowd, his coms sending him a constant stream of information on where his crew was and where they weren’t. He had learned to rely on it with hardly a second thought, letting it guide him subconsciously towards certain actions. The breath in his ears, wild and sharp, combined with the chatter of his loved ones, created a cacophony of sound, but one he was able to drone out no problem.When the flash of his gun died down and the muzzle steamed in the cold light air, he heard a whoop of excitement that could only be Michael. In the milliseconds it took to try to figure out if the voice was coming from outside or through his coms, a police car shrieked up next to him and very nearly ran him the fuck over.He leapt out of the way and had his shotgun out in a heartbeat, his own heart pounding wildly. It was only his instincts that made him hesitate on firing as the window (bulletproof) rolled down and revealed the laughing face of his partner in crime, his red-headed firecracker, his Michael.

“Coming?!” His Jersey Devil asked, eyes bright in a ruddy face. Blood was smeared under his nose and it was obviously broken, but it didn’t hinder the wide-grinned smile on Michael’s face for even a second. He laid his hand on the horn and the noise shrieked through the sound of the fighting and the police sirens.

Ryan’s own lopsided grin was hid by the mask, but he slid over the front of the car and hopped in the passenger seat. Ripping off the mask so he could breathe better, he wiped off some of the sweat and paint with the back of his hand and gave Michael a bright grin, all wicked eyes and a sadistic smile. “Thought you had a car planted, Jones.”

“Circumstances being what they are, I had to fuckin’ improvise,” he shrugged, revving the engine. “Grenade blew up 00Mogar.” He looked suitably pissed, lip curling in a grimace as he lurched forward.

“Fuck,” Ryan said, leaning out of the window and sending pot shots into the crowd. “Sorry about that.”You two stop fuckin’ chattering and do your goddamn jobs, or I’m leaving you out in the cold tonight! Geoff, his voice angry, cut through the coms, and Ryan sent Michael a smirk. “Go on. I’ll cover your ass.”That was all Michael needed, the police car tearing ass forward and sending Michael flying into his seat as it accelerated from 0-60mph in a few hundred feet. They tore out onto the main street, knowing the others could take care of themselves when they led most of the cops away. And - fucking idiots!!! - the cops followed like particularly aggressive sheep, shrieking with sirens blaring as they started a merry chase down the freeways of Los Santos proper.The cop car wasn’t 00Mogar, not by a long shot, but the LSPD had recently upgraded their cars to stop drag races and the beast Michael had stolen was holding its own. It also helped that Ryan was leaning out the window, throwing grenades and sending pot shots back at the pursuers. Michael just threw back his head and howled as they raced down the freeway, shrieking his victory into the night air like the wolf on the back of his shirt. Ryan sent him another bright grin which Michael met with one of his own.

“We’ve led them on a merry fuckin’ chase,” Ryan said, breathing quickly, the open window seemingly sucking the oxygen out of the car at 100mph. “Wanna get rid of them?”Michael saw what Ryan meant in a few seconds. A ramp made for construction workers, left there. It had been on the freeway forever and they had all drove their cars off of it, flying off the bridge and landing heavily but safely in the canal underneath.There was no way of knowing if the cop car had good enough shocks to brace them for impact, but what the fuck. What was life without a little risk?Revving the car as fast as it could go, they hit the jump and launched off of it perfectly, flying through the air. Ryan would swear six ways to Sunday he saw the horrified faces of the LSPD as they dipped below the bridge.Slamming onto the ground was painful, jolting all the wind out of both of them, but they were free. No one was going to follow them there. Together, Michael and Ryan let out a howl of victory like the animals they were, smeared with blood and sweat and tears from the racing air. Then they tore through the canal and towards home, towards family and money and, probably, a night of festivities worthy only of Kings.They ruled this fucking town and no one would take that from them.

[aden-of-eden]

Ayy got tagged by @aurarora to do the tag game so here goes.

the tag game 

nickname: Elzor, Elsa, literally any mispronunciation of Elze, Aden

star sign: Taurus

height: 5′6

last thing i googled: ‘ana tips overwatch’ been trying to learn how to play her...i suck at snipers but am a support main lmao

favorite music artist: honestly i listen to too much, tho Sleeping at Last has been a recent fav.

song stuck in my head: Apex Beat from Transistor bc this binch just finished the game and has the whole soundtrack in spotify B) 

last movie i watched: Appleseed Ex Machina  - love my strong wife and big cyborg husband duo...

last tv show i watched: oh god i don’t really watch tv shows. I guess it’d have to be season 1 of skin wars?

what are you wearing right now: pjs and robe bc i woke up like an hour ago

when did you create your blog: i’d say somewhere around sophmore year so like 2014ish? Been on tumblr for like a couple years longer tho

what kind of stuff do you post: Ayy nerdy stuff like science and vidya games, but also i have a p big witch and flower aesthetic. Also fashion!

do you have other blogs: lmao i have 2 but they’re both hella inactive, one for overwatch stuff and one for my ffxiv character.

do you get asks regularly: sadly noo, i love gettin em tho, hmu

why did you choose your url: I have an oc named Aden and shes sort of a self insert of me so i used it + it rhymes with Eden and sounds cool together lol

gender: girl

hogwarts house: hufflepuffff

pokemon team: lmao i chose instinct bc my two good friends chose mystic and valor and i didn’t want to pick a side so was like “welp instinct it is” and boy am i glad that this turned out to be the meme team

fave color: magenta and any shades of reds - i love my reds...

average hours of sleep: 6 on weekdays, 8ish on weekends

fave characters: bruh i have 3 many bc i love too much but my recent favs would have to be the Transistor, and Bri and Deunan from Appleseed

how many blankets do you sleep with: 3 bc my room is cold af

dream job: honestly it would be cool if i could be a prosthetic designer... otherwise i’d love anything biology related

following: 178

______________________________________________________________

the alphabet tag:

age: 18

biggest fear: dying/physical harm

drink i last had: water bish (unless you mean non water then i guess tea?)

easiest person to talk to: this is a surprisingly hard question lol, i guess my best friends? Or my step-dad. I generally keep personal stuff to myself tho

favourite song: i really don’t have fav songs but ‘Envelopes’ by Sleeping at Last is rlly good.

grossest memory: honestly my perception of gross is skewed bc i have lil siblings but i guess any time when my siblings had runny diarrhea and it fuckin, leaked, from their diaper

jealous of people: all the time, and my self esteem suffers from it bc i just judge my self-worth from it. Tho i don’t tend to tell ppl that im jealous or act on it.

killed someone: lol

love at first sight or should i walk by again: walk by again pls bc my crushes are 10x stronger if i like your personality - i really don’t base ppl on appearance much bc i can find nearly anyone attractive.

number of siblings: 2 sisters and brother 

one wish: i guess its convincing myself that i’m a lovable person; its been a rough while since i’ve believed that. That and i wish success to all my friends bc i love them and want them to do well in life.

person i last called: my oldest sister

question i always get asked: “what happened to ur arm?”

song i last sang: ‘In Circles’ from Transistor

time i woke up: 9 am ish

underwear colour: white with patterns of blues and yellows

vacation destination: o shit a bunch of places. I’d really like to revisit Norway tho bc that was my paradise for my childhood imagination with the wide fields with flowers and mountains all surrounding me and herds of sheep walking early in the morning...it was nice

worst habit: procrastination

favourite food: sushi hands down

zodiac sign: Taurus :o

______________________________________________________________

i tag: @official-hotpockets , @starrysnow , @nydiak

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