#but it could be cool to compare the twins season w the season of like. the white sox or the yankees

[bigbuxbolds]

recently i started making a graph of the twins wins and losses this season to better visualize the rollercoaster this season has been w highlights on all the streaks going 4 or more games, and im planning on updating it w every game. its been looking good but now im thinking... what if i do other teams too

[kimtranssexler]

Ok I finished trigun stampede an few hours ago and um my review of the show overall: quite a few epic moments, the last episode was mostly epicness with not too many complaints, it was fun to watch. However overall the way the plot is told is needlessly packed…. we need some time to breathe! I feel like I just watched 8 season finales in a row. It just KEEPS pressing on.

Just….there’s no TIME for anything! I feel like I would not have gotten attached to the characters of Meryl and Wolfwood at ALL if I did not know them prior. I certainly did not have time to get attached to Roberto, and I feel like his screen time is basically the same as Meryl’s. Like, there’s just major event-after-major event and absolutely no time for us to get attached to characters, because almost every single one of their interactions happens when they’re under pressure, which simply doesn’t give us a well-rounded impression of them.

+ Plus points for Vash’s Stampede redesign; he looks the least like his manga counterpart but I actually think he retains his energy the most out of all the characters. It’s cute!

+ Plus points for Meryl, I liked Meryl and I can’t wait to see her in s2. She didn’t do much in this season but I think most of her scenes were really fun and actually showed a lot of character when compared to Wolfwood. Maybe that’s just me ?

- Minus points for Elendira being a child!!! And…I think not trans? Why are you nerfing one of like three women in this season AND the only LGBTQ character in the entire series!!!

* Neutral points for Brad being an adult, it was actually kinda cute bc in the manga Vash is the one who’s like “aww look how much you’ve grown ☺️”.

+ Plus points for the Vash backstory at his “Home” overall, I thought that was a real nice touch, I enjoy how they expanded on it and showed his life after the fall but before he became “the Stampede.”

- Minus points for Wolfwood bc who is that. That’s not Wolfwood that’s Dogbark. He’s just edgy and nothing else, like I’m sorry but he’s boring. In the manga he’s fun bc he’s dark but the fun from his banter doesn’t just come straight from edge, he’s a little silly and it plays off Vash. And his “edginess” is actually sensical nihilism and not Hot Topic teenage angst, as it is in Stampede.

- Also ik Nightow himself not have the greatest consistency when coloring his skin but Studio Orange you could have made him slightly visibly darker. Literally I’m pretty sure even ‘98 anime was better and his shading flip flopped a LOT in that one. Also give him his nose back! No excuses.

- Basically NO reason to introduce Livio this early on, especially since we see them for ONE episode. Like you’re just cluttering the show by introducing all the cool stuff all at once. He’s completely forgettable, simply because SO much shit happens in this show! STOP IT!!!! STOP! PLEASE! JUST GIVE US! A FUCKING! MINUTE! TO! CATCH! UP!!!!!!!!!

+ However shifting the timeline around for CERTAIN things was done well (eg Vash losing his arm at that one place instead of July). Like I’m actually pretty impressed w how they recontexualized certain things to rewrite the plot as a backstory while still maintaining cohesion.

+ I love Zazie the beast! I’m glad we see a lot of them! Plus points!

* Neutral points for making Knives the twin with more Plant powers? Like where he doesn’t eat? I have no opinions on it, just wondering why they chose to do that.

+ I like Knives bubble wrap cloak a lot! I also like the piano thing, it’s really cool.

Ummmmm ya that’s my critique. Epic stuff happens but like it’s just all epic stuff. And epic stuff with no substance is worse than no epicness at all. I would maybe say the problem is that it’s all fanservice. But idk which fan this is servicing lol. It’s like….almost like MCU? Maybe it’s Marvelization. Maybe that’s what I’m looking for. Too much cool stuff. Just show me the fucking cat or something. Give me 1 (one) funny moment. Idk.

Edit: wait one more thing. I’m sad that they didn’t make baby Knives the more outgoing/hopeful one. I really enjoyed that in the manga, bc I thought it added so much to his character.

[zaffrenotes]

Sixth Time’s A Charm

Pairing: King Liam x MC (Katrina) Rating/Warnings: G - nothin but fluff here, folks Summary: Following the news of Queen Katrina’s pregnancy near Christmas, Katrina and Liam schedule an appointment with the doctor to find out how their newest addition is doing. Author’s Note: *All main characters belong to Pixelberry, I’m just borrowing them*  😇An amuse-bouche for Fluff War 2018 😈 The shortest little drabble that ever drabbled! Word Count: +/- 500

“Your Majesties,” Dr. Masalis said, smiling warmly as she stepped into the exam room, along with a technician. “Good to see you both again.”

“Good morning, doctor,” Katrina replied.

“How have you been feeling? Any morning sickness or fatigue?” Dr. Masalis wheeled the ultrasound cart closer to the exam table before flipping through the notes on Katrina’s file. “Hmm…bloodwork looks good, though your hCG levels are elevated.” She put the file down, washed her hands, and slipped on a fresh pair of examination gloves.

Katrina let out a dry laugh. “I’m always tired, with the other four to wrangle when we’re not working on keeping the kingdom happy.”

“You did nod off during the last Council meeting, Love,” Liam added.

“Yeobo*, the Viscount was droning on and on about sheep. Sheep!” Katrina retorted. “All I could think about was fluffy sheep jumping over a fence in my head after that.” (*honey/darling in Korean; pronounced yuh-boh)

Liam’s shoulders shook as he laughed, and he kissed the top of her head. “Nic’s mentioned that your morning sickness sometimes lasts through most of the afternoon as well.”

“Most of that’s to be expected early in the pregnancy, but you two are seasoned pros at this,” Dr. Masalis chuckled. “Let's get started, shall we?” Katrina shifted into position on the exam table, Liam standing close to her with their hands laced together. The cool metal of their wedding bands pressed against their warm skin, and Liam kissed her ring finger. She cupped the back of her head with her free hand, inhaling and exhaling slowly to calm her nerves.

Even though it was their sixth time getting a first glimpse at their unborn child, each time the grainy little blob popped up on the screen was like magic, and Liam all but insisted he be present each time. Between the holidays and his busy schedule, they’d had to postpone and reschedule the appointment much later than either of them wanted to. Katrina was quickly approaching the end of her first trimester, based on her own estimate of the conception date.

Dr. Masalis prepared the wand for the internal ultrasound - while slightly uncomfortable compared to the standard ultrasound procedure, it provided clearer images. “You're going to feel a little pressure,” she warned. Katrina nodded in response. After a few seconds, the image of Katrina’s womb appeared on the screen, along with a quiet whoosh whoosh as the doctor adjusted the wand for a clearer view.

“Doctor?” The technician adjusted dials on the monitor, striking a few keys to capture still frames. She rolled the cart so that Dr. Masalis could look at the screen, though Liam and Katrina couldn’t see anything.

“Huh,” she muttered.

“What does ‘huh’ mean, doctor?” Liam’s brow furrowed with concern as he looked into Katrina’s eyes and down at her abdomen.

“That would explain the hCG levels,” Dr. Masalis said, as if she was talking to herself. She turned to look at the couple. “Your Majesties, tell me…do twins happen to run on either side of your families?” She grinned at them. 

Katrina and Liam stared at each other wide-eyed, and Liam pressed his forehead to hers, kissing the tip of her nose.

Tagging: @likethetailofacomet @ooo-barff-ooo @brightpinkpeppercorn @sleepwalkingelite @mind-reader1 @endlessly-searching-for-you @agent-bossypants @blackcoffee85 @blackcatkita @thecordoniandiaries @pixieferry @alj4890 @angelicfangirl @annekebbphotography @bella-ca @bowful @coldcollectornight08 @cordonianredruby @fullbeaumonty @furiousherringoperatortoad @hhiggs @hopefulmoonobject @i-choose-liam @liamxs-world @lodberg @marywrites-things @missevabean @mynameiskaylabella @nekkidmolerat @romanticatheart-posts @sarwin85 @smalltalk88 @umccall71 @jlouise88 @littleblossom-18 @jovialyouthmusic @akrenich @debramcg1106 @innerpostmentality @blznbaby 

[therobinsonwayoflife]

Okay, now that someone has asked about Neil and Wil, I gotta ask about how you think Wilbur and Franny are as mother and son? After all, Franny is most likely fairly famous and busy herself what with the singing frogs and all.

Oooo GOOD Q, FRIEND. Currently listening to jazz as I figure out how to answer it. (Edit: Kidding. I got tired of the jazz after a bit…)

Also note that apparently readmores do not work in asks. Oop. 😦👎 If need be, scroll down to the TLDR.

First of all I’d say that Wilbur is definitely a momma’s boy. Though he doesn’t have a preference for either parent over another, one can assume his relationship with Franny is very… straightforward. If only because we know even less about her than Cornelius. The benefit with Franny though is that we see her, as a mom, interact with Wilbur quite a bit.

The writers were clearly angling for a sentimental cool mom factor and in her introductory frog orchestra scene, she comes off as an idyllic mother: fun, weird, energetic, patient, and nonjudgemental. This is probably her good side that comes out especially around guests. The whole adopting Lewis thing has many possible explanations, one of which is that she just likes kids.

How she acts around Wilbur, esp as he gets older, is more casual. She’s often teasing him with punishments knowing his tendency to push the envelope. On a deeper level, this is her way of establishing boundaries but it’s ultimately one step above playful banter.

She’s vvvv openly affectionate towards Wilbur and to a degree Lewis (and presumably to most others as well). Re: Carpet Scene***, she teases Wilbur and jokes around w him and babies him and is never above play acting with him. That she doesn’t question Wilbur’s convoluted scheme to improve Lewis’ self-esteem is a real character-defining moment. Not a lot of moms would go for that. In fact the entire establishment that Wilbur and Franny regularly have conversations underneath a rug is a sign that Wilbur’s comfortable communicating w her, maybe not everything but I’d wager quite a few things. They do not however have the close, weird no-boundaries relationship that he has with his dad which is probably a good balance and allows him to have the kind of conversations he couldn’t have w someone who is also his best friend. (Boundaries. A slippery slope.) I don’t see a lot of genuine conflict between them, no weird expectations, no complex foil or double-life friendships hidden beneath the surface. Again: straightforward.

Lastly—the work thing. Ngl I think Fran and Neil are both workaholics.* Luckily, they live in a multigenerational home and have several inhuman servants AKA a bounty of free babysitters. Wilbur’s relationship with his parents can remain emotionally close and healthy even if he doesn’t see them 24/7 bc he has a safety net of an equally loving community of cowlicked family members. (And Carl.) Being his parents’ only child plus the whole family around him, Wilbur is never lonely or neglected.

But I do think Franny is ever so slightly less of a workaholic than Cornelius esp bc directing musical frogs isn’t as soul-crushingly demanding as running a tech corporation. Relatively speaking, it’s a solo career: sure you train the frogs, rehearse, compose, tour, promote, argue with your agent and accountant, etc but it’s nearly a one-man band compared to the bureaucratic chaos of Robinson industries. Also Franny and Cornelius’ personalities are complimentary, Franny embodies the Keep Moving Forward motto better than Cornelius does, considering most of what we’ve seen of him is getting obsessively frustrated over work.

And not to bring…… women’s rights….. into this Again but it’s likely Franny more often took time off work for Wilbur. (Which in my books might’ve become a point of contention w/i our little trio.) And to top it off, Franny clearly carves a bit of time for herself for hobbies i.e. karate, which as far as we know Cornelius does not do. As a result of this Wilbur’s probably less intimated by her success than he is w Cornelius.

That’s not to say I don’t think they’re equally work-savvy or equally willing to make sacrifices for Wilbur. I’d always envisioned Cornelius making a huge overhaul w his schedge/working from home more to make room for the ~joys~ of early childhood parenting but unfortch the result of said sacrifices are probably…. still less than Franny’s. Consequently, Wilbur is arguably closer to his mom for the simple fact that she’s there ever so slightly more than Cornelius. But it could also work otherwise: he’s closer to his dad bc in his absence, he gets to be the fun parent. (Or you know the one who grounds him less) Realistically though Fran and Neil probably lecture Wilbur equally but in dif ways

Where Wilbur kind of struggles to find things in common w Cornelius as he ages and presumably more or less hangs around him as he’s working or asks for homework help and maybe they have some TV show they watch together, Wilbur and Franny do share some common interests. Namely sports. Namely KARATE. Also play acting. Also, as I headcanon and think is heavily implied by the way Franny treats Lewis, playing backup to Franny’s rehearsals. (Also coughSINGINGcough)

The thing that peeves me is that where we don’t see Lewis/Cornelius’ relationships outside super individualistic lens, Franny is almost entirely defined by her relationships as a result of practicality n bc Lewis is the protagonist. Franny has… no obvious flaws or points for character growth. O Gods, if only we had the TIME!! (Sigh… thats what fanfic is for I guess.)

Anyways TL;DR: Franny is a fun mom and Wilbur’s a happy, spoilt momma’s boy. That scene in Twin Peaks season three with the mother racing her son across the street? Thats them.** Joyce and Will Byers? Also them. Mz. Frizzle and all her students? Also them!!!

*Workaholics: Most of the Robinsons probably are and this is sort of tied to the whole work hard, follow your dreams theme which has sort of become a Disney cliche. Notice how Robots (2005) and Cloudy w A Chance… are eerily close to MTR’s premise minus the humility of the adoption/family plot.

**Well… no spoilers but not entirely. I’m sorry I always reference things that Disney fandom-ers don’t watch… ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

*** for the uninitiated: THE CARPET SCENE: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=7uPCWiqPCls&t=2m05s

[tube-thoughts-blog]

Vol. 11

Zero stars - terrible, 1/2 a star - dull, 1 star - folly, 1 1/2 stars - lacking, 2 stars - fair, 2 1/2 stars - decent, 3 stars - terrific

"Groove On Fight" --Sega Saturn-- (Atlus) -1997- *Imagine a Japanese pretty boy version of Christopher Walken with a neo biker / leather cowboy fetish. Now imagine an entire, -wealthy & powerful- "Game of Thrones style" inbred family of them all with some peculiar fetish. They fight it out for control of the family. The matriarchy of the family is two grannies tied back to back like Siamese bondage twins. One fight takes place on the back of an American type bomber plane up above the clouds. That last sentence pretty much speaks to the disturbed nature of a lot of Japanese art after World War 2.* close to 3 stars

Godfrey Ho's "Ninja Commandments" (1987) *Who knew that honky moral issues like pre-marital sex were such problems for Ninjas, or that they liked to party with skanky groupies, and that pretty much all ninjas are not-so-secretly middle age white men.* between 2 and 2 1/2 stars

Red Letter Media: Best of the Worst --------

*Deadly Prey: Ice T's "The Game"(?), a movie where a guy gets kidnapped by army dudes and hunted for sport only to fight back, this time with a hero who's a Patrick Swayze type bohunk Rambo.* 2 1/2 stars

*Hard Ticket To Hawaii: Skinemax classic about blonde bimbos trying to stop criminal smuggling in an exotic locale. Also, killer, "infectious," cancer-ridden, huge snake.* 2 1/2 stars

*Miami Connection: Lost & found gem of a movie with nearly as many awkwardly awesome moments as Tommy Wiseau's "The Room."* 3 stars

Red Letter agrees that Miami Connection is "The Best of the Worst."

---------------------------------

"Red Earth" aka "Warzard" (Capcom) *A wizard summons up a bunch of kaiju monsters, in scattered epic sites, that only a big lion-man and several other heroes can vanquish from the earth. Typical wizard being a total dickhead, to the rest of magic-impaired mankind, behavior.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Bushido Blade 2" (Playstation 1) *Bloodthirsty Japanese clans have kept up the honor of warring over territory for power for centuries up into modern times, in this game. It's a nice mixture of both old and new worlds, and the music and dialogue is well done, and even the setting and characters (though limited by the blocky polygon look of early 3D). It keeps with "realism" too with one good killing stroke, with a warrior's sword, doing the job. It even has thrills like bikini girls with machine guns.* 2 1/2 stars

"The Kurosagi Corpse Delivery Service Vol. 4" (Dark Horse Manga) *Morbid and eccentric tales of a group of Buddhist college students with unique gifts of communicating with corpses littered in strange locations around Japan. They help fill the odd requests of these bodies to be put at peace usually in some morbid way or involving some morbid mystery. Instead of trash "reality" entertainment like Long Island Medium, this much better "talking with the deceased" fiction should be turned into tv entertainment for western audiences. It's so much more interesting and entertaining.* 3 stars

"Savage Reign" (SNK) *This is the Kris Kross of fighters. Kriss Kross being a pair of 12 year old rappers whose record company realized their talent was lacking so they came up with the bright idea to have the duo dress with their clothes backwards. The gimmicks in Savage Reign are plenty. There's a clown who fights with roller skates. A valley-girl swinging around a pink bowling ball. His name is Joker, and she looks like a cleaned up Harley Quinn, come to think of it now. A Vanilla Ice look-a-like sports a Captain America' Canadian tuxedo of denim and stars and stripes. The Ryu style hero, of the game, fights without fireballs but instead a silly boomerang. The big boss is a fancier "cock of the walk" Shao Kahn throwing his punches with fists covered in boxing gloves. Sickly serene backgrounds include a generic Disneyland theme park and an underground cow milking gang hideout that is almost as weird as something out of "Naked Lunch."* 2 stars

The Spoony Experiment: Clones of Bruce Lee *When Bruce Lee tragically died during the height of his career, movie producing jerks didn't let it stop them from abusing his legacy. Tons of Bruce Lee impersonators popped up and a sub-genre of exploitation movies was born. They were called Brucesploitation flicks. In this one, it's about as shameless as it gets with a plot about cloning Bruce Lee before his body has even grown cold and using the clones for nefarious purposes.* close to 2 stars for the sleazy, cheesy movie and 3 stars for Spoony's review

"Fight For Life" (The Last Official Atari Jaguar Game) --1996-- *Show a kid, today, an Atari 2600 game and they'll think you're giving them something like an ink blot test. Having witnessed an Atari 2600 game, back in the day, it felt like I was standing on the edge of the digital future. The Atari Jaguar promised that brave, new, digital future with their doomed Jaguar gaming machine. I remember the first time I saw Sega's Virtua Fighter in an arcade. I did get that "tomorrow feeling." I couldn't wait to take these blocky 3D characters and make them my sandbox toys tossing them around with their ragdoll physics. It was mind blowing. Atari's Fight For Life wanted to be like Virtua Fighter, only it comes off more like a 2600 ink blot test for the imagination, and really painful to the senses. Man, is it ugly and clunky. It's definitely not "epic," but I can compare it to something else that is "epic." The Faith No More "Epic" music video where the fish out of water is flopping its death throes. It's more like that fish than a jaguar.* between 1 and 1 1/2 stars

The Cinema Snob: Karate Girl *Rape revenge exploitation "thriller" circa 1970s about a mute girl from a Turkish village. The kind of movie that Tarantino would rip off elements from and be called a genius later. Also featuring an infamous over-the-top death scene that's become an internet meme.* close to 2 stars for the movie & close to 3 stars for the review

"The Blonde Fury" (1989) *Cynthia Rothrock is the greatest female action star. It had to be said, because it's true. This is a Hong Kong action flick about crazy counterfeiters and quirky investigators. The English dubbing is extra entertaining and the comedy is quite clever.* 3 stars

Black Sails: Season 1 Episode 5 *Finally, a bloody battle, at sea, to go along with the pirate base politics and prostitute abuse.* 3 stars

Hot Package: Pilot (Adult Swim) --2013-- *Spoof of insipid celebrity obsessed shows like E!NEWS and Entertainment Tonight, but with a weird EverythingIsTerrible style obscure internet clip twist. Featuring "hot phone sex" Pat from Access Hollywood and produced by Tim & Eric from Adult Swim.* close to 2 1/2 stars

"Slap Happy Rhythm Busters" (Playstation One) *Filled with quirky characters who use supermoves similar to a Marvel Versus series game & graphics as brightly colored as 'Viewtiful Joe' 'Katamari Damacy' & 'Legend of Zelda Windwaker', Slap Happy will slap you silly with enjoyment.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Slaughter Sport" aka "Tongue of the Fatman" (Razorsoft) Sega Genesis 1991 *Another barbaric battle of death, in a palace pit, hosted by a Jabba the Hutt style freak boss who also looks like a shirtless Eric Cartman, in his underwear, with a hideous face and tongue on his fat rolls of a belly. Tech-abominations like a cybernetic chicken, fierce sex slave warrior chicks, gassy gargoyles, spider-women, bad boy white rappers, and other mutated freaks of the wasteland compete for the hunger and amusement of Mondu, the fatman. His pet sand-shark finishes off the losers.* running from close to 2 stars down to 1 star

"Godzilla, Destroy All Monsters: Melee" (x-Box) *This has almost everything a fan of kaiju destruction could want. Just about every Tokyo stomping monster is in it, and playable. Only thing missing is frightened citizens running about pointing at "Gojira." Plus, I think the voices over the airwaves should sound Asian. Points for the quirky bits like a UFO hovering over attacking and Mothra getting in on the action.* close to 3 stars

"Rakuga Kids" *Some brats battle their stuffed animals around their playrooms and neighborhood that look like they're out of a pop-up storybook. It's sort of Street Fighter 2 meets Toy Story 2. Animated similar to Rugrats and Adult Swim's Home Movies.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Dragoon Might" -Arcade- (Konami) --1995-- *The fancy presentation of this game reminds me of 2009's 3D spectacle, Avatar. It makes me wanna reach out and pick a low hanging piece of pretty fruit and bite into it. Yet, there's a pit. The artistry and poetry looks at times like it's coming from a Crouching Tiger, but hidden in the bushes, ready to pounce, is a shirtless guy in torn jeans and brandishing a butcher knife. It's just goodtime trash stealing your quarters.* 2 1/2 stars

"Kaiser Knucle" (Arcade) *This is the Vanilla Ice "Cool As Ice" of Street Fighter 2 rip offs. You can play as Fred Flinstone's daughter or "Barts" Yes with an S (teen biker Bart Simpson?) & Ryu w/ flowing mullet, or even "Boggy" who is a MC Hammer wannabe. "Don't hurt 'em!"* 2 stars

Nostalgia Critic: Rise of the Commercials *A look back on when silly advertising really RULED! "Don't put it in your mouth." That is unless it's been properly branded by corporate America and parent approved.* 3 stars

Double Dare: Super Sloppiest Moments *Kids, and their mostly whitebread families, get covered in green slime.* 2 1/2 stars

Jack & Triumph: Commercial *It starts off funny with making fun of Dennis Leary for stealing Bill Hicks' comedy act. Then it gets typical with the whole Alan Thicke showing up and we're supposed to accept that he's now "ironically funny" because he's a square former celebrity acting in an offensive way that we never saw on his old tv show. That's the same kind of lame shit that media is always trying to do in a hipster way with all these former celebrities from the 70s, 80s, or 90s. Robert Smigel can do so much better, see TV Funhouse for example.* close to 2 1/2 stars

Mystery Science Theater 3000: Master Ninja 1 *Lee Van Cleef makes a convincing wild west badass. Surrounded by 70s style slacker dude in a muscle van, mousey & young Demi Moore, hicksploitation villains, and obvious kung fu stuntman doing his action work -Lee struggles to make a convincing martial arts badass.* 2 stars with riffing between 1 1/2 and 2 stars without riffing

"Project Justice" --Sega Dreamcast-- (Capcom) *I believe it was the 70s, that era of great television, that first introduced the novelty of students teaming up with a teacher in the classic "Welcome Back, Kotter." The 80s went further, with this, having society's school aged misfits solving problems of gangs of bullies terrorizing the halls of school or jerks who wanted to close down the local youth center and even the retro cheese staple of ski slope jerks challenging our youthful heroes to a race for control of the ski slope club's mountain. This game is similar, in nature, and has the extra benefit of featuring quirky Japanese style characters and aesthetics.* close to 3 stars

"Last Bronx" (Sega Model 2 Arcade) *Consumer electronics have always been trendy with yuppies. When home entertainment centers became hot, everybody had to have one. Digital watches were on every wrist. A Sony walkman around every neck and in every pocket. Still, there was always a stigma about technology, whenever it was new or in development. At the turn of the 21st century, few would have imagined people lining up around the streets to get each new Apple computer product. Same with gaming, it was a kids novelty, and didn't have the online social media culture that it enjoyed after their was a broadband connection and a Sony Playstation 2 in most every living room across the globe. In the 90s testing stage for high end electronics and gaming, Japan was the tech giant. This game says "Last Bronx" but it's more like "Neo Tokyo." It had to have been pretty revolutionary for the time, and yet it looks very much like some thing most of us western yuppies would turn away at.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Robocop, the series: Officer Missing *"Winter is coming".... Land of the Dead... The Purge.... A Christmas Carol (Well, maybe not that one), Robocop did it first.* close to 2 1/2 stars

The Gong Show with Dave Attell: Season 1 Episode 8 *This show yips off into the sunset (cancelled, deservingly, I'm guessing) like a balloon animal dog from the sphincter of a sword swallower. It was riding a flaming pogo stick. The straw that broke the camel's back was heavy metal cookie monster or large man in diaper strip tease.* 2 stars

Robert Crumb: Despair *"You may not think it's funny, but I've got a morbid sense of humor."* close to 3 stars

"Power Instinct: Matrimelee" (Atlus) --Neo Geo-- *The creepy family members, from "Groove On Fight," are back. This time they're fighting it out, on a televised American Idol type stage, Jerry Springer style. The prize is a hand in marriage. Given its pedigree, and Japanese setting, it's weird as fuck, yet very surprisingly charming.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Kill Or Be Killed" (1980) *Our villain: an escaped Nazi seeking vague revenge by hosting a "Enter the Dragon" type death tournament. Our hero: a mullet-headed, shirtless, karate badass in a tight pair of bell-bottom jeans. He's out to save his girlfriend from the Nazi. Our wildcard: a Game of Thrones type scheming dwarf helping out our karate hero. Our story: pure grindhouse chop sockey cinema.* close to 3 stars

"Rabbit" (Sega Saturn) *Presentation of this game is nice. It reminds me of the new HD Rayman games' colorful eye candy and whimsy joined together with a clever Cartoon Network cartoon like Regular Show or Adventure Time. The fighters each have a beast or spirit animal. It reminds me of sports fanatics and their team mascots. If so many animals weren't endangered, sports fans would be worse than an old school Ruskie with a dancing bear. There would be a stadium full of Eagles fans each with their own personal bald eagle to show off. Dolphins fans would have a kids swimming pool, in the living room beneath the big screen, sporting a live dolphin who they'd feed anchovies off of their pizza to. Another thing about these fighting games, why are all the people in the background so unaffected by the brawls? They're always nicely eating a bowl of noodles in an outdoor cafe or riding a bicycle with a monkey or.....* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Waku Waku 7" (Sunsoft) -1996- *While watching lemmings hop around musically, on this game, I had an epiphany. Fellas we are never gonna get around to building those war robots out of our spare lawnmower and washing machine parts. Ladies, our obese house cats aren't gonna magically start talking and giving us humorous life advice to share on social media. Don't fret, we'll always have the Japanese to create our crazy dreams. That is unless a giant, radiated salamander, with a taste for human sushi, crawls up on the sands of some south Pacific beach.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Streets of Rage 3" (SEGA) *It's a typical beat 'em up story. The evil Mr. X is controlling the city with his band of street punks. Our heroes: Dr. Zan (the bald fu-manchu sporting head of a martial arts sensei badass on top of a cyborg body riding around on rocket skates), this ninja chick in a short minskirt, a blonde Ken Masters look-a-like kung fu street fighter, and a token 90s black kid who loves basketball so much he won't put down his b'ball. They have to battle through wave after wave of mercs and pick up turkey dinner power ups.* 2 1/2 stars

Red Letter Media: Best of the Worst --------

Russian Terminator: *"that's what friends ARE! for" also an Anna Nicole look-a-like, a Kenny Rogers look-a-like, and a ninja.* 2 very awkward stars

Ninja Vengeance: *"Ninja" (a horrible one) John Tesh look-a-like on the run from the Klan in the backwoods of a hicksploitation town.* 1 1/2 stars

Never Too Young To Die: *Heart-throb John Stamos, sexy "Vanity" who's a Prince protege, and chick with a dick Gene Simmons is the rockstar who plays the over the top villain.* 2 stars

Red Letter Media ranks them best to worst as Russian T., Never Too Y., and Ninja V.*

---------------------------------

Freddy Krueger in "Mortal Kombat" (2011) *Freddy mocked the rising popularity of video games in "Freddy's Dead." Two decades later, he returns to the mockery. Released a couple years after the toothless remake, this tongueless appearance by Freddy is sorely missing Robert Englund's macabre wordplay.* 1 1/2 stars

Freddy's Nightmares: Identity Crisis ----

*Jeff Conaway, and the sheriff from Friday the 13th: Part 6, give this episode a level of Tales from the Crypt "star power." The story is the 'Family Ties' zeitgeist of the its time period. The spirit of the 60s (hippies) versus the spirit of the 80s (yuppies).* close to 3 stars

*Teenage pound puppies. Emo pound puppies.* 1 1/2 stars for most of the episode 2 1/2 stars for the Freddy dreamhouse sequences

---------------------------

Forensic Files: Postal Mortem *Radioshack enthusiast who's a 'Hercules Bullseye Bomber' and master forger of Mormon historical documents.* 2 1/2 stars

Wizards and Warriors: Skies of Death *Doomsday cannon on the cliffs of doom.* 3 stars

Attack On Titan: Episode 2 *Giving a new meaning to "in your face." A term that I don't care for, but here it comes to represent humongous, naked, grinning humans stomping up in one's personal space to chow down on that person like a corndog. The emotions of the kids, and the dread of the situation for them, keeps everything from getting too out of hand as a spectacle.* 3 stars

The Cinema Snob: The Pierre Kirby Saga *A more-than-competent action badass from a handful of less-than-competent Hong Kong action exploitation "movies."* 3 stars for Snob's retrospect and close to 2 stars for the "movies"

Look Around You: Iron *Point point zero point, ring the bell and the experiment can begin within the twinkling of an eye that is hidden behind a metal face shackle.* 2 1/2 stars

VH1 Classics --- Pop Up Video --- (The Big 80's) -------

a-ha - "Take On Me": Few Americans stuck around to notice that this internationally popular Swedish band lasted long after their early 1980s one hit wonder and only broke up after the 1994 Winter Olypics in which they were featured European band.* 3 plus stars for the pop ups and 3 classic MTV stars for the original video

Pat Benatar - Love is a Battlefield": 30 year old Pat portrayed a 16 year old runaway "too controversial for MTV prostitute" in this video.* 3 plus stars with pop ups and close to 3 stars MTV classic without

John Cougar - "Jack & Diane": One guy lived in a coma for 37 years. He wasn't doing a lot of handclapping and air drumming like Johnny Cougar was doing in this video.* 3 stars with pop ups between 2 1/2 and 3 stars without

Lionel Richie - "Hello": Lionel loves for all of his video vixens to have the same hairstyle as he does.* 3 stars with pop ups 2 1/2 stars, cheesy stars, without pop ups

Van Halen - "Hot For Teacher": This unruly music video caused the child stars to eventually become unruly like the real life Van Halen.* 3 plus stars with pop ups 3 sleazy stars without pop ups

--------------------------

Viper: Mind Games *A sleeper saboteur, a vixen viper, and a truckload of disease.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Twisted Tales #10 ----------------- (Bruce Jones, Bernie Wrightson, Bill Wray, Rick Geary)

Beer: A story of ribbing greenhorns up where the tree-line ends and the green turns to white snowy mountains, and there be yeti's who drive a hard bargain and a sled.* 3 stars

One For The Money: A cat-burglar gets caught and commits murder. He assumes a bear-suit disguise and flees to the woods where he gets gunned down by hunters.* 2 1/2 stars

Hatchet Job: Scientists go back and time and bumble trying to solve the Lizzie Borden murders. ha.* 2 1/2 stars

Two For The Show: A retelling of the earlier cat-burglar tale. This time the party guest kills the intruder, then takes the jewels for himself. Instead of getting shot by a pair of hunters, he gets mauled by a mother grizzly bear. The irony.* close to 3 stars

A haggard man buys a bed from a used store for his sick daughter to rest on her deathbed as she gets out of the hospital. That night, he's visited by the ghost of a girl haunting the bed that died in it, years earlier, in a torn down orphanage fire.* 3 stars, I guess...

Poison in the Pantry: A miserable and mistreated wife and stepmother puts rat poison in the family's soup. She dreams of even better days, from behind bars.* 3 stars

-------------------------------

Hill Street Blues: Life. Death. Eternity... *Etcetera.* 3 stars

X Files: Tooms *Skinner, the Smoking Man, and one of the best "monster" villains ever on the show.* 3 stars

Twitch City: I'm Fat and I'm Proud *Every episode of every tv show ever on tape. And almost everything else a slacker could ever want, for all seasons, except love? And the ability to exit comfortably into society.* 3 stars

Real Pulp Comics #1 *Perverse and humorous tales of skid row lowlifestyle in the babyboom generation's peak.* 2 1/2 stars

Max Headroom: Neurostim *Football, Fast-Food, Fantasy. counter-Fucking-revolutionary.* 3 stars

Farscape: Nerve *Infiltrating a Peacekeeper base, and meeting the Peacekeeper's Darth Vader (Scorpius).* 3 stars

Look Around You: Brain *"Pretty smart for something that looks like a common garden cauliflower."* close 3 stars

Forensic Files: Micro Clues *Tiny communities of freshwater creatures ring out truth and justice from the lungs of a drowned boy of a Swiss village.* 2 stars

Kingdom Hospital: Season 1 Episode 10 *Call the doctor, call the nurse, these guys (King and Lars) are goofy and getting worse.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

---Animal Planet--- I Was Bitten: The Walker County Incident *"Animal Planet, surprisingly human." Unsurprisingly stupid. Far more entertaining than the usual (Finding Bigfoot) cryptozoology reality tv whore idiots. Points for the twist ending prank gotcha moment.* either 1 star or close to 2 1/2 stars

======= Trash TV ---- Seasons Finale ------ Marathon ===================

Forensic Files: Something's Fishy *The cyanide tainted Excederin pain reliever panic of the early 90s.* 2 1/2 stars

Forensic Files: Sealed With A Kiss *Psycho teacher stalks herself and then frames a rival faculty member.* close to 3 stars

Forensic Files: Deadly Parasites *Shit leaked into Lake Michigan contaminates the Milwaukee water supply and kills over a hundred people.* 2 1/2 stars

American Horror Story --- Murder House: Afterbirth *The "Murder House" is back on the market at a reduced prices. Also, ghosts can slit other ghosts' throats and they bleed ghost blood. Who knew? They even like to celebrate the season of giving (Christmas) with all the trimmings of the living.* either 1 star or 3 stars for a balls out finale

American Horror Story --- Asylum: Madness Ends *Lana Winters (the reporter from AHS: Asylum) is no Edison Carter (the reporter from Max Headroom). And so concludes this chapter of American Melodrama. Horror's end is supposed to be wrapped up in neat little bows of tenderness... EH? No? Ok.* 2 1/2 stars, I guess

American Horror Story --- Coven: Go To Hell *"I made you die those little deaths." Hell is a fried chicken shack. Ghosts need passports for travel. Who knew? Paula Deen isn't really sorry. She's just sorry that she was caught.* close to 3 stars

American Horror Story --- Coven: The Seven Wonders

*Welcome to the World Series of witchcraft. Let the Harry Potter games begin.

I especially got a chuckle out of the girls just wanna have fun teleportation game of tag that happened right after the hippie witch got stuck in her own personal "8th grade biology dissection of a frog" hell.

It would seem like black humor, but I think it's not meant to be. It's just poor writing.

Take for instance how the redheaded hag/nag says that the new supreme witch can't have a "Whitewater scandal" to be a blemish on her new leadership.

So, she demands to be burned alive in the most soap opera dramatic and laughable way possible to the Stevie Nicks music that's playing throughout the show (the show even begins like a Stevie Nicks music video. *rolls eyes*).

Since the new Coven is going public (kind of like a corporation joining the New York Stock exchange and opening all their books up, or whatever), one would think that committing an act of murder (the witch burning) might somehow leak out and be frowned upon eventually leading to scandal.  

Anyway, that aside, "The Axe Man" and "Fiona" carry the show with their charisma and moody moments together, as usual.

We get another feel good ending, for some reason, because that's horror, according to the producers of this show and the Fox musical GLEE.

Why are these guys pretending to do horror?

I did appreciate Fiona's return from the dead, before dying again (Ha), reminding me of Interview With A Vampire's scene where Tom Cruise crawls out of the swamp after being gatorbait left for dead by his gloomy boyfriend and porcelain doll daughter.

Also, in closing, Fiona's version of hell was quite fitting and moody compared to the pretentious and childish versions of hell for all the other characters.

For example; the annoying good teenager chick's hell beat out the annoying bad teenager chick's hell for level of awfulness.

And that was an accomplishment.

The bad chick's hell was being stuck on a Hollywood musical that she didn't like. *Snot*

The good chick's hell was having her James Dean wannabe boyfriend breaking up with her every day. *Vomit*

I guess hell is happening here on earth for every emo 16 year old all the time.

I have already wasted too many words on most of this pile stinky fish guts.*

running from around 1 1/2 stars a lot of the time up to 2 1/2 stars at different moments

==========================================================================

"Sacred Cow Halloween Special" circa 1993 (All Hallow's Eve? Why not? It's June) *Early 1990s public access tv special featuring a lot of low-fi indie music videos from bands who don't give a shit and live call in guests to the hosts and Bill Hicks in hell. Plus the legend, Bill Hicks, pulls out the home video footage of where he stood in the neighboring cow pasture, and ranted about the government, while Janet Reno rolled tanks with flamethrowers through the walls of a crazy cult so that they could charbroil children. Yep, have a happy trick r' Summer treat and roast in the heat.* more than 2 1/2 stars

"Beyond Belief" =================================

*Early 90s Nickelodeon took time to educate kids, where modern Nick tries to sell them tweeny bopper pop star insipid kid sitcoms.

Stories here include:

The City of the Dead that lies beneath Paris.

History lesson about how the Greeks burned half the Roman, enemy, fleet using solar energized shields.

Sadly poetic tale of The Elephant Man and his time in a London hospital.

Important message about conservation and protecting endangered animals. "Don't cut down the rainforest." Man, I have fond memories of "earth friendly" science lessons during my childhood school years. A really hopeful, positive time.

We visit the Cabaret Mechanical Theater featuring robotic dolls & toys (creepy and cool).

Some funny laws, around the world, are discussed like the illegal carrying of ice cream cones in your pocket in Kentucky and so on.

Cursed opera causes God to smite anyone the opera singer looks at while singing, "Oh, God smash him!"

We meet a 17 year old autistic genius artist who can draw any London monument or building. Autism was still misunderstood, greatly, during this time.

A visit to an old magician's backyard where he displays to us a new, old trick.

Finally, it's a history lesson about Westerners reluctance at first and then being sold on the idea and practice of embalming the corpses of their loved ones for funeral display.

Great stuff.

-Classic commercials include:

Scram Ball, "the hot new game."

Bubble tape, the bubble gum that's hard for grandma to eat.

Murray mountain bikes are so rugged that they can help a 10 year old outrun his 16 year old bro's pickup truck on rocky terrain.

A Fresh Prince of Bel'Air kid is tired of being told "no" so he eats Raisin Bran for some reason....

A gang of 90s tv kids have a video cam corder scavenger hunt thanks to McDonalds.*

close to 3 stars

=======================================================

Police Squad: A Substantial Gift (WLS7-Chicago) 3 - 4 - 1982 =============

*First we get a commercial for a home electronics and appliance store. Man, the 70s and early 80s had such an ugly color decor thing going on. Putrid greens, tans, yellows, and dingy greys going on everything from fridges to stoves to dishwashers to carpet to vaccuumcleaners. Some nice pics of walls of the very popular, at the time, ghetto blaster boom boxes (nice).

 "Blast From The Past," Saturday at 6:30 featuring a dapper dude brushing his wavy hair and a go go chick hula hooping. The 80s were really nostalgic for the 50s.

And, now with a flashing red siren we're told we'll be watching Police Squad "In Color."  The show starts out with a woman who's being stuck for cash by a crooked orthodonist. Ha. She kills her loan clerk boyfriend and frames a poor sap trying to get the loan in a double homicide.

A hazy looking Loren cosmetics commercial

followed by a movie trailer for the insipid Oscar bait movie "On Golden Pond."

Leslie Nielsen shows up to the crime, knocking over trash cans with his cop car. Funny sight gag of the meat wagon boys taking out an extra, extra long body on an extra, extra long stretcher. They find a way to work in the old type "Who's on first!?" joke to her formal statement of the crime.

The forensic lab guy is a wacko.

A visit to the victim's wife, and Nielsen rambles on about himself (ha) during her grief.

The killer dame shows up to give her official statement looking like an obvious fink in a new fur coat and feathered boa.

We get a funny scene where one cop's so tall his head is off camera.

"Crisp and clean" "No Caffeine" "Never had it, never will." "Feelin' up with 7 'Up."

A pretty model girl walks around fields of amber grains waving while sporting a "Cover Girl Face."

 Benson & Open All Night are part of the ABC Friday Night line up.

Lieutenant Nielsen re-enacts the crime by actually shoothing his fellow officers, leaving a pile of bodies while he ponders the crime. Ha.

Cops and Priests (What do you know about life after death? *hands over a 20$*) seek confidential information from a shoe shine man.

Medieval orthodontist gear is highlighted via willingly happy kids wearing headgear. Leslie does some dental exam physical comedy.

Some oblivious cops sight gags in an elevator. Clever stuff.

Showdown with the dirty dame featuring bad wigs and a bullet filled Mexican standoff from a couple feet away from each other behind trash cans and a sidewalk bus bench. Bullhorn "Give it up!" warning from just as close a length.

New Aim mint is the talk of the whiteboy locker room..

Sexy as heck, and wet in a pool, Lynda Carter likes her lips "wet." Mmmmmm

Stay Tuned for Bossom Budies and "Night of 100 Stars"

Old school, syndicated television. Can't beat it.*

3 stars

=========================================================================

MTV's Ridiculousness with special guest Dr. Drew Pinsky *Normally this poor kid's America's Funniest Home Videos for skateboard wiggers, hosted by a skateboard wigger & his black friend & his airheaded blonde friend, would get zero stars for its unfunny commentary on outdated extreme sports accident videos and mishap/ prank videos.... but since quack pop-psychiatry tv celebrity "doctor" Drew is on here and giving insight into the social problems many of these fools, in these foolish videos, do happen to supposedly have... Well, it's more absurd and tolerable.* close to 2 stars

"Five Fingers Of Death" *It's the formula tale of bullies terrorizing a town, and the heroes finally standing up to them. It could be a western, an 80s surfing/ski resort movie, but here it's a Shaw brothers kung fu flick. Many hipsters will recognize the Kill Bill music that Tarantino stole from this film.* 3 stars

Tom Green's Subway Monkey Hour --2002-- *Tom Green will probably always be infamous for the terrible "Freddy Got Fingered," and he deserves it. This hour long MTV special featuring Tom being the weirdest Westerner possibly ever in Japan is way better than that awful Hollywood mistake of a "movie." In fact, it's a dozen times more interesting than the Jackass movies that borrow the skit after skit format of this special. Add an extra thirty minutes of footage from this trip to Japan, which I'm sure they had, and it would have been a better choice to be released in movie theaters instead of "Freddy Got Fingered."* close to 3 stars

Tales From The Crypt: Lover Come Hack To Me *Car trouble on a desolate road on the honeymoon night. The couple seeks shelter in an old-dark-house. There's a cozy fireplace with a big, medieval axe hanging above it. A storm is raging outside. The bride is a strange, little virgin. The groom is a sleazy bohunk acting surprised to have found a 45 magnum in his glove box. She wonders if he married her for the money (no surprise, he did). Bloody memories haunt the place same as their "romance." It's the perfect setting for mur-der (*Thunder & Lightning!*)...* 3 stars

Six Feet Under: The Will *Diving board death. Pyramid scheme. Backstreet Boy look-a-like douchey boyfriend. Meeting of gay firemen. Breaking up with Ed Begley Jr. Blackmail from beyond the grave. Selling a slightly used coffin at a discount rate. Burning someone's name into your flesh. Buyout offer. Emotional breakdown on the bus that killed the father. Toe suck.* close to 3 stars

100 Bullets: The Counterfifth Detective (Vertigo Comics) *Piano bar without a piano player. A private dick wrapped up like the Invisible Man. Stolen art with codes from one's past. A damaging echo.* between 2 1/2 & 3 stars

Justified: Season 1 Episode 5 *The cowboy's pa is an outlaw.* 3 stars

American Gothic: Resurrector *Going away presents for a ghost and a sacrifice to the devil.* close to 3 stars

Kung Fu: Nine Lives *"Find a cat or be a tramp all your life." "Dark and vain are the ways of lust, the poet said." or something of that nature...* 3 stars

"Master of the Flying Guillotine" *A bloody martial arts tournament, where every fighter has a unique gimmick or style, is interrupted by a badass villain using his flying guillotine to pull the heads off of every one armed boxer that he finds until he gets his revenge. He finds out that he's not as badass as the real one armed boxer. This flick had to have had a huge influence on both Street Fighter 2 and Mortal Kombat.* 3 stars

Doctor Who: The Satan Pit *A claustrophobic, high stakes sci fi story similar to The Thing, Leviathan, and Alien.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

"Horror Express" (Christopher Lee & Peter Cushing) *It's about time, some cryptozoology monster goodness. Finding Bigfoot type nonsense has almost killed the fun in this fantasy genre. It helps that this movie is Hammer horror style and has Lovecraftian-dread overtones.* 3 stars

Gerhard's America: Gerhard at NASCAR *Gerhard finds he has a lot in common with effeminate racer Michael Waltrip.* close to 2 1/2 stars

------ TV Carnage:

*A Lot Of Men Collect Barbie Dolls: "It's a professional hobby, now." Nothing weird, at all here.* 2 stars

*A Woman's Guide To Guns and Hallucinating: Learn about your weapon, instead of fantasizing about it.* close to 2 stars

*Aids = Hump Day Poison!: The 80s were all about high risk behavior.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Child Actor Failures: Are you being rigid enough or in some cases too rigid with your little gold-mine?* close to 3 stars

*Damn Shame: It's a shame that white boy thugs get gunned down every day. Call America's Most Wanted or Yo! MTV Raps with any info on the possible killer.* 2 1/2 stars

---------------------------------------

Monstervision with Joe Bob Briggs: Big Trouble In Little China

*Joe Bob pokes fun at the culture of addiction.

We learn about Carter Wong, the martial arts expert who stars in the movie. Amazing credits to his kung fu game.

Preview for TNT's new classic "The Golden Child" starring Eddie Murphy

quirky KIA suv car commercial from 1998 featuring cliche gator hunting / swamp loving Cajuns who'd be the type in reality shows more than a decade later. It's funny here, sort of, but tiresome if you live in this era of bad reality tv "real folk" like this.

preview for Jacki Chan's "Rumble in the Bronx" and its American cable tv debut on TNT

a yuppy mom tries to stuff a pizza into her toaster, but doesn't have to anymore because some processed junk food company invented toaster pizza snacks. "White lady/mom problems"

Kim Cattral is gorgeous, in this movie, and not an old whore who'd make you swear off women like she would after her Sex in the City days

SNL's Weekend Update anchor Kevin Nealon sells out for a collect call "so 90s it hurts" advertisement. One good thing about cell phones is that these ads disappeared

Joe Bob's Drive In Totals for this flick: 57 dead bodies... One kidnapping... Four motor vehicle chases... One wheelchair chase... One White-Slavery Ring... Yellow-Slavery Ring... One Machine Gun Massacre... One Machete Battle... Multiple Blue Finger-Flame... One Zombie-fied Levitating 2,000-Year-Old Man With Really Bad Fingernails... Exploding Building...Exploding Temple... Knife To The Forehead... One Ocean of Chained Skeletons... One Palace Of Golden Buddhas... Poison Gas... Nine Kung Fu Scenes...

Racquelle Welch in One Million BC, another drive in classic, next week on Monstervision

Some Hollywood stunt-men cowboys beat the shit out of each other for a Pontiac "Montana" minivan. Sure, why not?

Soulful 70s singer-songwriter Aflac family insurance ad, family station wagon Tru Value helpful employee kidnapping ad, Home Depot helpful employees..., some bruthas turn a stranger's need for directions into a roadtrip down the road for some McDonalds.... 90s commercials tried to be really feel good, but come off very insipid

"Tired of Phony Psychics?" Generic graphics of lightning strikes and huge yellow background typed letters plus a doe eyed weirdo lady claiming to have certified psychics for her phone network.... "Guaranteed Authentic by the U.S. Govt." HAAAA.... wow! what a claim!

Joe Bob pines about how there aren't perfect women in the world, and how guys give up women over nail color, comparing it to the plot of the movie being about the search for a perfect, green eyed Chinese chick

Then, Joe Bob skewers the politically correct critics, of this movie, who said that Big Trouble re-enforced Asian stereotypes.

Kitschy style Miller Lite commercial where four old ladies try to contact the spirit of one lady's dead husband. He's a slab, of course, and comes back to life, possessing the body of one of her friends, raiding the fridge for beer and scratching his (her) ass. She's overjoyed.

Kellog's Breakfast Mates... A commercial that's basically saying, "Let corporate America continue to "raise" your children." It's convenient.

Joe Bob teaches us about Kurt Russell's ties to Elvis and Disney and John Carpenter

TNT updates its Monstervision website "once a week." Current people and websites, of the internet(s), update every second of the day. Waiting a week for something new is almost as painful as the information (nonsense) overload of right now.

Dennis Miller is in line at a hipster coffe shop complaining about the price of "a cup of Joe" and the price of collect calls. If he sounds like a cranky and out of touch old man here, wait til a decade later where he's rambling incoherently to his best pal Mr.Bill O'Reilly on Fox News.

Two 90s alterna-chicks having a conversation: "One day we'll meet, marry, and have cyber sex with the man of our dreams online." Robert Englud cameo in Dee Snider's Strangeland

Joe Bob points out that there's a "not so incognito" Penthouse Pet in this flick

TNT Mail Girl Reno gets asked to how much it would take to "get nekkid" by Joe Bob, and then he reads an angry letter from an upset liberal who loves freedom so much that he wants to ban free speech that he doesn't like by calling it "hatred." Ha. Joe Bob made a joke about "killing liberals" or something and this guy got his feelings hurt. Boo hoo.

Joe Bob rips TNT a new asshole for taking an awful commercial break, featuring about 14 insipid 90s "feel good" commercials, during the EPIC kung fu finale. Being on TNT, and not too late in the night unlike TNT's 100% Weird, Monstervision suffered some really lame commercials. USA UP All Night usually had more lame B movies instead of good B movies, yet they featured a lot more entertaining and sleazy commercials compared to Monstervision Other, late night basic cable and UHF B movies had better commercials than TNT as well. Fucking TNT. So schmaltzy and sickening. You watch a weird, late night movie, you want weird late night commercials, and you want them not to interrupt the best part of the movie. You don't want a great kung fu scene stopped to have five minutes of sepia toned artsy cinematography of elderly couples slow dancing in the shadow of the Brooklyn bridge while romantic piano music plays and there's a warm feeling about life insurance or some crap.

Roll Credits.*

3 stars for Big Trouble (For fun and memorable characters, it's to the 80s what A New Hope was to the 70s) 3 stars for Joe Bob and 1 star for TNT's bullstuff

---------------------------------------------------------------------

--- Found Footage Fest:

*Caught In The Web, Staying Safe in Cyberspace: Surfin' with a cyber sleuth and stopping smut and sickos both online and in the real world. If any of this is actually real.* close to 3 stars

*Check It Out _ Acne Video: "Hip" teen talk show infomercial about bogus zits.* 2 1/2 stars

*Chef Keith _ Fake Chef Pranks Morning TV Shows: You can make one of those creepy smiling talking head news morning show hosts believe that "The average person eats around a pound and a half of feces a year." HA! Most of the feces comes from morning talks shows.* 3 stars

*Christian Rock Video Showdown: We're all a wiener slash loser with these bands that are a even more soft rock cross between Journey, Foreigner, Kenny Loggins, and a hairy butt.* close to 3 stars

*John and Johnny and Earrings: Homeshopping host is giddy about seashell earrings.* close to 2 stars

--------------------------------

Fargo: The Six Ungraspables *There are no saints in the animal kingdom, only breakfast... lunch.. and dinner.* 3 stars

Gerhard Reinke's America: Gerhard Reinke in Burlington, Vermont *Home of laidback liberals and Lochness lizards.* 2 1/2 stars

Vanity Fair, Confidential: Mad About the Boys *Lou Pearlman loved to hear singing from voices that hadn't yet gone through puberty. He also loved hot air balloons and ponzi schemes. No surprise that the super-rich sponsor of a creepy cult of child entertainers was not-so-secretly a pig-man spawn of Satan himself.* 2 1/2 stars

X Files: Born Again *Mustache'd cop working Chinatown. He gets killed by some shady colleagues. Years later, he returns as a very gloomy little-girl with special powers and vengeance on her(his) mind.* close to 3 stars

The Prisoner: Checkmate *On a wing and a prayer and unfortunately an air of authority.* 3 stars

----- TV Carnage:

*Dr. Drew and MTV Got Cold Feet: Could be worse. Could be dead like Corey Haim and his girlfriend. Killed by Brigette Nielsen, Stallone and Flava Flav's ex.* close to 2 stars

*TV Carnage: Dixie Carter Death Trip: Designing women to be strangely obnoxious.* 2 stars

*Even His Scream Is Bad Acting: Bohunk (Dumb goodlooking American guy. Not the dictionary definition which insults someone from Europe.) slasher victim.* close to 2 1/2 stars

*Give Head Responsibly: Consult your doctor before giving or receiving.* 2 1/2 stars

*God Gives A Second Chance To Anyone. It's In His Book: Especially to those with a Pat Boone singing style and a new book coming out about second chances.* close to 2 1/2 stars

-----------------------------------------

Hannibal: Sorbet *Hannibal has a stalker/fan/wannabe BFF who compares him to Michael Jackson. Meanwhile, Hannibal keeps recipes of people on their business cards.* between 2 1/2 and 3 stars

Look Around You: Music (season 2) *The show's format has completely changed to an in studio info / variety presentation, and while it's no longer the mock science docu-series that it started out as, it's still silly and clever. Plus, it's longer at a half hour.* 2 1/2 stars

Game of Thrones: Season 3 Episode 9 *This show is good and shockingly heavy, as usual, but I watch it in a way that would more than frustrate diehard fans. I'm seasons behind where everyone else is, and I have no concern as to when I see the next chapter.* 3 stars

Shaw Brothers: Executioners from Shaolin *At the heart of this movie is a dysfunctional kung fu family. On the wedding night, the groom can't get the bride's legs open because her crane style is too strong. Mother teaches son crane style kung fu and they playfully use it even when she's trying to wash the family's clothes. Dad can't even sit down to a good meal, because son wants to test dad's tiger style kung fu.* 3 stars

[unassumingvenusaur]

c-s hinata & leo support

this support was basically the result of looking at hinatas nohrian festival dlc conversations and the fact that hisame was supposed to be his little twin brother at first and going “he would want to be everyones big brother” and also looking at leos supports and saying “hes so smooth but theres gotta be someone who can sweep him off his feet and turn him into a tomato”

C SUPPORT Leo: (If the archers are positioned in such a way, it’ll be hard to attack the, at all… they cover each other’s weak spots-) Hinata: LORD LEO! Leo: Y-yes!? Leo: You’re Prince Takumi’s retainer, Hinata. Is he calling for me? Hinata: Nah, I just wanted to give you something! Hinata: You read a ton, and I was passing by the bookstore after a grabbing a bite. Hinata: And the saleswoman had this super awesome book on historic battles! I thought you’d like it, so here it is! Leo: … Hinata: Do you like it?! Leo: (pained expression) Hinata. Leo: That is a children’s book. Hinata: What?! But there’s a picture of this huge, totally intimidating knight on it! Leo: The title is “My Daddy is a Knight”. It’s a propaganda piece meant to encourage children to want to take up arms for the glory of Nohr. Hinata: Aw man, I knew I was bad with Nohrian, but this is… really bad. Hinata: Don’t worry, Lord Leo! I’ll be better next time! Leo: Next ti-? (Hinata disappears) Leo: Why did you even want to do this in the first place…?

B SUPPORT (Leo alone) Leo: The nerve of them…! Leo: An attempt on my life, and such a blatant one at that, will not be forgiven. When I find the traitor in the army, there’ll be nothing but- Hinata: You okay, Lord Leo? You’re looking pretty steamed. Leo: I’m to dispose of a poisonous substance that was left at my door this morning. Hinata: Gosh, someone tried to poison you?! That’s terrible! That’s- Hinata: Hey, that’s my lollipop! Leo: Explain. Now. Hinata: See, I was trying to figure out where I went wrong with the book. And I admit, I don’t know much about Nohr at all. Can’t read a lick of Nohrian, and this war’s the first time there are Nohrians I’m not kicking the snot out of. Hinata: So I thought that I gotta understand more about the place you come from, and what better way to do that than with food? No one hates sweets! Sugar brings a smile to even the grumpiest of guys! Leo: That still doesn’t explain this… creation. Hinata: Well it’d be dumb if I charged right into it if I didn’t know what I was doing, right? Hinata: So I asked Felicia for help. Leo: (Oh gods.) Hinata: (smile) She was really good, too! We melted sugar in the oven until it was all goopy! Hinata: Of course, Lady Hinoka had to put out the fire after that, but we figured out how to use Felicia’s powers to freeze the goop so we could take it out. Hinata: (frown) But then Lady Hinoka had to get the oven out of the block of ice… Leo: (There is no way this is meant for human consumption! It’s not meant for consumption at all!) Leo: (Maybe I can just refuse.) Leo: (wince) (But then he would just trail after me like a heartbroken puppy…) Hinata: We kind of screwed up with the recipe, though. We accidentally turned salt into goop instead of sugar. And Lady Hinoka banned us from the kitchen. Leo: (And there’s no way I can accept, because Hinata would want to see my reaction to his gift…) Hinata: Luckily, Rinkah was training nearby! She was so hot, we just held a frying pan full of sugar behind her and it melted! Leo: (No… the two choices laid before me both lead to undesirable outcomes…) Hinata: But she got mad at us for interrupting her training so we left. Leo: (But there has to be a way out. A third, unconventional choice!) Hinata: And then Setsuna said we needed to consider what you like and stuff. She helped us find a tomato to add to the mix. Hinata: Keaton helped too! Not sure what he did, but it turned a cool purple after, just like those Nohrian banners! Leo: (smirk) (I know just what to do.) Hinata: We wrapped it up in a bag and left it at your door, and that’s how we got here. Leo: That’s quite a story. Leo: I apologize for having mistaken your gift for an assassination attempt. Hinata: No problem! Hinata: I shoulda considered that royalty are careful about what they eat cuz of that. Leo: I appreciate the thought, but I’ve just eaten. Leo: I’ll keep it until i feel hungry again, alright? Hinata: Sure! Tell me what you think after, Lord Leo! Leo: (wince) Of course… Hinata: Woohoo! I gotta tell the others! They’ll be so thrilled to hear that you liked it! Leo: Don’t let me keep you. Hinata: See ya later, Lord Leo! Leo: Goodbye. (Hinata disappears.) Leo: (Maybe I could throw it into the nearest body of water.) Leo: (But then it would pollute the ecosystem…)

A SUPPORT Leo: Hinata. Hinata: Woah, hey Lord Leo! Nice to see you! Leo: I’ve been meaning to ask… Leo: Why do you insist on giving me gifts at all? Leo: And are you so casual that you treat every member of the royal member like this? Hinata: But I call you Lord Leo! And Princess Elise is Lady Elise and Prince Xander is Lord Xander and I think Lady Camilla wants to kill me… Hinata: Which sucks, because I wanna treat you like a little brother too! Leo: P-pardon? Hinata: I’m jealous! You guys are so close and stuff! Hinata: Me and my little brother were never like that. Hisashi was always going “you’re only older by three minutes, stop treating me like a child,” or “stop ruffling my hair, you oaf!” or “if you have time to goof off, you have time to train!”. Leo: So you seek to use me as a replacement. Hinata: No, no, that’s not it at all! Hinata: You guys are totally different! You’re smart and strong and composed, and when I see you, I just wanna hug you and tell you that I’m proud of you! Hinata: You do so much more compared to me, with the strategies and fighting and royal stuff, and all I can say is “wow!” Leo: Don’t downplay your own contributions. Your devotion to training and protecting your liege is admirable in its own right. Hinata: Aw shucks! That’s so nice of you! Leo: If you ruffle my hair, my headband will be dislodged! S-stop! Hinata: Sorry, milord! Couldn’t help it! Leo: I have enough older siblings to last a lifetime. I’ve no need for anymore. Hinata: (frown) Awww…. Leo: (smile) But, I suppose I have enough room in my life for a friend. Hinata: (THE BIG GRIN) WOO! Leo: H-Hinata…. if you hug me so tightly… I can’t breathe….!

S SUPPORT Hoshidan woman: This tome was said to belong to an ancient, honorable line of mages throughout history. It’s said that, in the right hands, it would be as powerful as the legendary Linde’s Aura spell! Hinata: Wow! That sounds- (Leo replaces Hinata) Leo: -entirely fabricated. Leo: For an ancient tome, it shows remarkably little wear and tear. In fact, a seasoned magic-user would say that it’s nothing more than a run-of-the-mill Fire spell. Hoshidan woman: Urk-! Well, you see- Leo: There’s no point in trying to keep up the ruse. We’re done here, anyways. (Hinata replaces npc) Hinata: Yeah, let’s go to the next store! (scene transition) Leo: What is the purpose of this excursion, anyways? We’ve been going around for an hour, and all you seem to do is get duped by shopkeepers. Hinata: I found out from Jakob that you threw out the lollipop. Leo: (sweat) O-oh? Hinata: And I thought,“man, Hinata, how come you keep screwing up when it comes to Lord Leo?” Hinata: It seemed like every time I tried to do something for you, I’d find a way to mess it up. Hinata: So I brought you along! That way you can tell me what you want me to get! Leo: There’s no need for you to buy me anything! You don’t need to lavish so much attention on me… Hinata: Yeah, but I like spending time with you! Spoiling you is one of the best things ever! Leo: (blushing glare) (G-gods, how can he just say that so casually?) Leo: (blushing wince) (It makes it impossible to be certain of his true feelings!) (Nohrian woman replaces Hinata) NPC: Flowers! Get your fresh-picked flowers, cheap as the dirt they grew in! Leo: (Stay focused! You had a plan, remember?! You asked Camilla and Elise and Avatar for help, even Prince Takumi!) Leo: (blushing wince with sweat) (Though…. he started choking on his spit when I asked…) (Hinata replaces Leo) Hinata: Ooooh! I’ll get some! NPC: Right this way, then! (They both disappear, and Leo shows up again) Leo: (Xander’s retainer even had the courtesy of showing you what NOT to do. Just stick to the-) Hinata: Lord Leo! Leo: Gah! Hinata: Woah, sorry for scaring you! Leo: I’m not sca- Leo: What. Are. You. Holding. Hinata: Roses! Aren’t they so pretty? The nice lady over there sold them to me! Leo: They do not mean friendship! Or brotherhood! Or pride, or companionship, or anything that conniving woman told you! Leo: And didn’t we agree that you weren’t going to go of on your own and buy every single thing a cute girl told you to?! Otherwise you’d lose your wallet to every female store owner in the market! Hinata: But I wanted this to be a surprise… Leo: You wanted to surprise me. With red roses. Hinata: Yeah. Leo: Do you even know what they mean?! Hinata: Obviously. There’s a limit to how stupid someone can be. Hinata: (blushing wink) Red roses mean love. Nine of them mean you want to be with someone forever. Leo: W-wh- Hinata: I want to be with you, Lord Leo! I want to protect you and hold you close and tell you everyday that I love you! Hinata: I want to be strong enough to beat everyone who hurts you, and I want to make you happy! Hinata: I might keep screwing up now, but just you wait! I’ll sweep you off your feet! Leo: You already did. Hinata: Huh?! Leo: I have no need for any gifts, because… because spending time with you is enough to make me happy. Hinata: Even though I can’t read Nohrian, or cook the food you like, or act formally around people higher than me on the social ladder? Leo: Even so, I want to be with you. Leo: Your flaws are part of you, and I’d have you no other way. Hinata: Woah! I didn’t have to work for it at all! Leo: (smile) You didn’t. Leo: Hinata, would you do me the honour of accepting this ring? As a sign that, no matter what may come, we’ll be by each other’s side? Hinata: Duh! Why in the world would I say no?! (Hinata and Leo disappear, Hoshidan woman appears) NPC: Finally…! I thought that samurai would buy half my stock, trying to find the perfect gift for the “best man in the world”!

[moechadfish]

First 3 Chapters of A Sense of Wonder

Part I: Naomi

The scene began out of focus at first, moving every which way, erratically, but not smoothly, as if the scene was popping up from one place to the another. With gold sparks all around the image, the scene slowly begins to focus, smoothly changing its colors from shades of gray to hues of red, yellow, and blue. The image then froze in place, stopping its erratic movement and now I can see clearly, like a movie.

A bluff of limestone outcropping a small lake, that is longer than it is wide, but I can only see that from a distances and if I look to the right. What I am guessing I am meant to see is the couple sitting on a bench near a large rock that is sitting vertical, and that looks as if you can just poke it and the boulder will tumble off the ledge it sits upon.

The couple is young and dressed in 40’s clothing, but then it looks as if time passes, the small trees that surround them start growing and as they do so, I see the girl remain sitting. The man disappears for a time, only to come walking in to sit next to the girl on the bench. It looks as if at least twenty years have passed and the bench disappears as a wedding takes place between them. The girl dressed with a beautifully long pink dress and the male in a handsome tux. At that moment, I felt as if something was trying to make me think, trying to show me something, but the feeling soon fades with the scene and time passes.

They begin to age now, and I soon begin to feel sorry for them, watching both aging so quickly. Kids enter and a realization comes over me. Two kids, a male and female. I try to say something to the female, not knowing why but my voice is not heard and as I watch the kids get older with their parents, I keep on calling out to the female wanting her to hear me, a lonesomeness building inside of me, but my voice is never heard. And just as soon as the kids appear, they vanish from the now almost elderly couple.

With the trees looking to be fully grown, things start to slow down; longer periods are between each transition, until finally, I see the daughter of the two kids that were there before, entering; no man shows this time. Slowly but surely the silence that was engulfing me fades out and I hear the two women, the older one hunched over crying on her daughter’s shoulder.

Blinking, everything vanishes. I do not know how I knew they were my family although that might be the reason I tried calling out to the girl, she was my mother who had died many years prior. Turbulence awakens me from my slumber as I open my eyes to the crowded but silent cabin of an airplane. Turning my head this way and that I stop, staring at the bug eyed kid in the seat in front of me.

Smiling, I hold out my hand and tilt my head saying in my friendly voice, “Hi, what is your name? I am Naomi.”

“Naomi, you’re crying.” He laughs, but I see a hand pat him on the head and his mom tells him that he is being impolite. “Sorry I was watching you,” He sighs and turns back in his seat, obeying his mother.

Bringing a hand to my cheek I feel the tears that the boy mentioned. Was I really just crying? What a strange dream, I think to myself as I dry my cheeks with my palms.

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts I look over to my grandmother sitting by my side. She lets out one of her snores and a smile crawls to my face as I think to myself that I did the right thing by bringing her back to the States where she grew up. Uncle Mike will be happy to see his mother again after so long. What has it been, ten years at least? Ten years since he saw me as well, I wonder what he will think of me all grown up.

Opening the window shade, I watch the sun dawning. Resting my chin on the back of my hand I remain watching the sun, thinking of the meeting that will soon take place between all of us. After so long, I wonder how my cousins are. I am sure they will be glad to see me. Pausing, trying to jog me memory, I see two female faces in my mind, both with white hair and both identical. Right, they are identical twins, and they must look really pretty now, being my age as well. Wonder if I am taller than them? I hope not. I am already a giant compared to the women and my classmates on Hawaii.

Another snore erupts from my grandmother and I let out a laugh, something which I hardly heard because I am shy and my voice is very soft. Blushing I look away from the window and down at my lap, clenching the hem of my skirt and ask myself the one question that I’ve been worried about since leaving…

Am I going to get along with them?

Part II: Fate

“You look down, anything wrong?” My sister asks with her usual calm demeanor.

Setting my brush down and swiveling on my chair so I’m facing her I can tell she’s making a joke at my expense. What happened today feels off. “The Mistress shouldn’t be picking me to take her place. She could have easily picked one of you guys.”

She only smiles, “that isn’t our decision. She sees you as someone she respects, you know that, but now you’re being stubborn and you don’t want to accept her gift.”

Snorting, I turn back around knowing full well my sister is right, she’s usually the goodie two shoes. “Hope, you piss me off sometimes.”

“Glad I could help,” she answers sarcastically. Watching her through my mirror, I see she’s staring blankly at my back as I continue getting ready to meet our cousin after so long. The last time we’ve seen each other must have been years ago, how older were we when her parents died? “You know I can help…” she pauses, “you know your hair was beautiful before, I still don’t understand why you’d cut it so short.”

Before, my hair use to be as long as hers, just past my shoulder blades, but I’ve been asked to cut it by the Mistress for some time now. Hope doesn’t need to know the reason but she was surprised a few weeks back when she wanted to help comb my hair much like today. Our bonding time to her, I see it more of venting after a hard day from the Mistresses constant badgering and wanting us to preform with precision.

She’s blind…but she never lets that get in her way. She’s a kind person and I don’t ever want to get on her bad side. “I’m here if anything is wrong sister,” she tells me before trailing off, her clouded blue eyes hinting at a bit of gloom and I hate keeping secrets from her but until I’m told otherwise this is one I have to keep.

We share the same eyes, but hers are clouded. We have the same hair, silver, a gene passed to us by our mother; Isabella. And we’re twins, identical, both of us standing the same height of five foot. We’re both sophomores in high school as well.

A tapping on the door startles me as I gasp and a giggle leaves my sisters mouth as we hear Danny ask if I’m ready in his unusually high pitched voice. “Almost,” I answer back, grabbing my pair of jeans lying on my bed and slipping them on, butting up my white blouse and sliding on a frilly black skirt to sit over my jeans. An off colored windbreaker from the coat hanger to the side of the large door that leads into our room and I ‘m gone, leaving with a wave to Hope who instinctively waves back.

I shouldn’t say she’s completely blind, she can still see shades but with the twilight now setting in from the sun’s rays inking into our room, I guess I’m surprised.

Running into him as I leave my room he remains still, and I simply bounce off him. Grunting, he turns in the hall, ready to lead me to the car just outside the mansion’s walls. He’s taller that my sister and I, by a head or so, and by all accounts, he looks female. His thick coal color hair with a few gray strands lying flat while hanging just past his ears, he keeps his hair short so as not to have people confuse him for being male but our clientele still does. I don’t know if he resents this fact or not but he doesn’t seem phased.

We come to the foyer where two bay windows are on either side of the grand oak door which is beautifully carve with many verities of flowers, the main being lilies. He gets the door for us, and I’m greeted first with the cooling breeze that’s been blowing these past few weeks as we draw closer to the autumn season.

Danny is to drive me to the airport to pick Naomi up, and my dad has gone to fetch Tom and Bert. I smile at this thought knowing Tom was absolutely devastated to hear the Mistress tell us that I would take over for her. Clearing his throat, I see that he has taken his seat at the wheel and has opening the passenger’s window of the van to hurry me along. Once I’m in he stars the engine and we’re off for the hour ride to the airport

That hour flies by as before I know it we’re at the airport, and Danny departs, leaving me at the entrance to where passengers of the flights come to collect their luggage. Taking a seat across from a luggage rack I plant a large pair of older looking headphones, ones that are from the mid 90’s. Turning on some oldies rock from my cellphone, I close my eyes and let myself fade into the melodies. Opening an eye now and again to see if they have arrived yet.

Five minutes pass which drags into ten, then fifteen. And after twenty minutes I see a tall girl walking arm in arm with an elderly woman. It’s the elderly woman I recognize first to by my grandmother. Her hair tied in a small bun, and grayed from age. The girl with her, must be my cousin. She’s changed a lot, far taller than Hope and I. Very tanned skin and an hourglass figure, she’s matured fast. It sure has been years since we last met, she wasn’t as distinguished as she now looks. Her eyes a sky blue, cold, and when our eyes meet.

She seems skittish as I place my headphones around my neck and greet them.

“Fate?” Naomi asks as I nod, watching my grandmother rather than her. Her eyes are soulless, I feel there is nothing behind those eyes even with her asking my name with a pleasing smile.

Grandma looks brittle. She’s moving slowly as she tries to dig something out of her carry-on, a small purse with the strap resting on her wrist, her other arm entwined with Naomi’s to help keep her balance. She’s hunched over, pulling a pair of glasses from the purse and placing them on her nose, her eyes glace me but briefly as she stares past me rather than at me, “who is this cute thing?” she asks, her voice weary from either the walk over me or the jet-lag. Could very well be both.

“This is…”

Naomi starts but I cut her off. “I’m Fate, your granddaughter, you remember me.” I tell her in a kind voice, but Naomi frowns and Grandma only mumbles something, as if she’s saying okay but she still doesn’t recognize me. I can’t say I was expecting much, Dad told me she’d be like this.

I’m not overly upset but Naomi does seem timid of me now. I forgot how she was back then and I can’t say I know how she is now. With years of time passed between us, I never got a feel for who she is. She’s in the same boat though and I look back to her, a fake smile on my face as I hold my arms opening. It’s a brief and awkward hug. She doesn’t hesitate but I can tell she’s not use to contact of this nature. Doing the same with my grandmother she accepts the hug more graciously as if she has some remembrances of who I am.

Naomi speaks quietly while I’m embracing our grandmother and she walks back towards the luggage rack to wait for their luggage to pass on the conveyor belt. When it does she grabs the two bags, both on wheels and comes back to us, a smile on her face, genuine unlike my earlier display. Her general cheerfulness is beginning to annoy me. She seems happy yet I can tell by her grip on the handles of the bags that she’s nervous as hell.

“Uncle Mike said something about a special spot we’re be going to before we head home. Where is it? It’s getting late too.”

I laugh, “we have a few hours’ drive, three to be precise, we’re not going to be back home until one but I was told that she must see it.”

“See what?” she asks.

“Devil’s Reservoir. A lake surrounded by limestone buffs, I was told that Grandma Kala spent a lot of time there in her early days and Dad feels it will jog some of her memories and he wants it done sooner rather than later because of her Eye.”

I’m already walking forward when I hear them in step with me, Naomi is a bit clumsy and stumbles with a quiet scream before righting herself. Grandma on the other hand follows in tune with me, she still seems out of it but her eyes have a look of acknowledgment to them. I feel she knows that name, she knows Devil’s Reservoir and she wants to go there.

A cab awaiting us outside, Naomi and I take the back seat while the cab driving provides some assistance to our grandmother and place her in the passenger seat.

We pull away from the airport and after sometime we see our grandmother losing it. She’s back to having no idea what’s going on. Before she was calm, following along quietly, and now she’s causing a racket because of her Alzheimer. Continually she complies to the cab driver, telling him where is he taking them, why and so forth. Naomi gently rest a hand on her shoulder, telling her that it’s okay and she’s calm for a while but it begins not ten minutes later and it’s like this the whole way there, save of the last twenty some minutes when she finally shuts up and watches outside, as if in awe.

Arriving at the gravel parking lot after entering into a State Forest we all disembark from the cab. The man’s very nice and with his gruff voice he tells us he’ll hang around. Told us that my dad payed him a little extra to get him to work and stay out this late, it’s already nine.

We never really talked during the ride over, just a few comments here and there besides the constant trying to settle Grandma Kala down. But now that we’re here, and Naomi has given the cab driver a bit of extra money for his troubles we are ready to head to a peak that is within the forest, a path that we’ve been given permission to use tonight, even with the crescent moon in the sky, the trail will be hard to see thought I came prepared with I have a high powered flashlight.

Saying bye to the cab driver, Naomi and I turn to start walking down the trail close by when we notice that Grandma is nowhere in sight…“Where did she go?” I ask Naomi who rests a hand on my shoulder pointing to a figure some ways off in the distances, barely visible in the moonlight. What’s odd though is her movement, she’s much faster that I had thought. Not wasting anytime, we dash off after her...who we think is her at least, no one in there right mind would be out this late besides maybe campers to the park.

Naomi in front of me, her strides are much longer than mine, and she has a grace about her that I hadn’t previously noticed. Unlike at the airport she’s not stumbling, and even with the flashlight shaking about, she isn’t tripping as much as I would have guessed...where as I’m trained for such hikes, she isn’t to my knowledge. Our grandmother is out running the two of us by yards, how...she’s in her seventies and looked so frail not a few hours ago.

Never did we exchange words, nor are neither of us are panting as we travel the trail, moving from gravel to just a dirt path then to steps made from logs and soon enough we come to an opening, finally catching up to the figure we’ve been following. We both are hesitant, as there, facing away from us a younger woman. Her figure much like Naomi’s yet smaller in height.

She stopped and we approach consciously to either side of her, her clothing matching our grandmothers I only assume her to be...but I have never experienced something like this.

Looking to me first, her iris’s are glowing pink while turns her head to smile at Naomi who gasps. A hand is planted on my back, so to on Naomi’s when she parts from us. Walking with a slow stride to the bench which is dwarfed by two large lime stone spires. The ground worn smooth from repeated traffic from fellow hikers. The moon lighting up the ground as if this were a gift given to us. Naomi and I give each other simultaneously confused looks of shock and awe.

“It’s her,” Naomi struggles to say, standing very still and just watching. “it’s just like my dream…”

“That is Grandma Kala, she’s young, how is she young?” I ask having a very vague idea of why, but not fully understanding it.

“I don’t know.”

“I mean even with all my training I never seen this kind of event…these must be her memories taken physical form or at least a visual illusion that we’re seeing of her past self…”

“What?” She asks but I say no more, we both silently watch as our Grandmother takes a seat on the bench, watching the night sky and clasping her hands together and she looks to the sky, praying.

It’s not long before I hear a small snort come from Naomi, she’s crying, her eyes filled with tears, she’s moved a hand from her side to her mouth as she tries…fails to try to hold back her tears. Looking back at our grandmother I see a ghostly figure walking past us, he’s wearing army garb from what I can only guess to be World War II. Medium height, but a recognizable face, he looks much like my dad. “Grandpa?” I question.

“This…this must be where Grandma and Grandpa met…” Naomi struggles to say as the ghostly figure rests a hand on Grandma Kala’s shoulder and she turns her neck to face him, her youthful appearance diminishing to how she looked prior to changing. She’s back to her old self yet tears continue to stream down her cheeks. My eyes begin fogging up as well as I realize I’m witnessing something beautiful and yet sad. A bitter sweet moment and our Grandma stands, hugging the ghost.

“Frank.” We hear her say as the ghostly figure now vanishes and our grandmother slumps to the ground.

“Grandma!” Both of us shocked, we begin to rush forward only to be blinded.

When the light vanishes, I’m leaning against one of the many pine trees that are scattered about the clearing. Flashing red and blue lights and the sirens of an ambulance ring in my ears.

Trying to get my barrens I feel myself being helped up by a gentle hand. “Fate…good, your awake.” My sister says quietly as I look beyond her at the scene. Where we were standing who knows how long ago, Tom is helping Naomi who is silently crying while whispering…trying to speak but I hear no words. My father and Bert, near the ambulance and I head in that direction only to be stopped my my sister holding onto my arm. She look at our father, then back to me as I turn, to her, wanting her to let go of my hand. “She died…”

Part III: Tom

Dusk setting upon us, I know my brother has been following me since I stormed off an hour ago after Fate and Hope went to their room to ready themselves for the new arrival, their cousin Naomi. A long walk through the small town of Keso, and I find myself at the park where car shows a held during the summers and various other activities which all take place at the center of town here.

In my usual attire, a black and ripped sleeveless tee shirt with cargo shorts. Pouting about the Mistresses decision. My eyes catch the three empty tether-balls poles which line one of the few sandboxes, each containing different equipment for the younger kids who come here to play during reasonable hours.

“Seems fun,” I tell myself, my voice gruffer that usual as I pick up the ball from the far left pole and hit it. Spinning around by it’s string, I smack the ball in the opposite direction. It comes at me from the right and I swing harder. A clap echoes as I whale on the ball, making it swing back to the right the string going taunt. Taking a step back to adjust for the lengthen string,  the ball comes from my left.

Growling as I eye the ball, I let all my restraint go. Punching the ball with my right fist the ball swings around one more time before I hear shredding of the string and the ball flying off into the distances far out of sight.

“As stupidly strong as you are, I expected farther.” He’s decided to show himself as he squint his piercing brown eyes, searching for the ball. I didn’t even see where it went and my younger brother by half a year has glasses, he claims he can see where it went? He probably wants to help me cool off but I’m not here for that, and I don’t like that he’s been following me all this time.

“What do you want Berton? Do you want to scold me for calling her an old hag or something?” He pauses, standing and watching over me. He thin framed glasses resting on his nose while he adjusts them. I’ve argued with him about getting contacts but he says he wouldn’t look intelligent. His own way of looking down on me I guess but I’ve long since given up on that goal. It’s pointless. He wears a beige suit, not that it’s a special occasion or anything, he just always wears a suit. Hardly ever is he in relaxing or ordinary clothing. He says he wants to look professional but he seems more stuck up than anything. Similar black hair to mine only I have stubs growing because I rather go with the bald look. His is cut short and parted, he looks like a nerd.

“What you and her argue about isn’t my business, but I’m worried about this…it’s been a year since she told us she was going to stop training all of us, she told us that you, as well as Fate or even Hope could take her place. She could have easily asked Danny, or Mike to do so, but instead left it up to her students.”

“Why does that matter?” I ask and my brother with a frown then planting myself on a nearby bench. “Mike was her student years ago, why not pick him. Why Fate?”

“Tom, that is why you don’t understand.” He argues, “Mike already runs the funeral home himself, the Mistress is too old to deal with anything besides training us. At one point she did Mike’s job, even Danny’s but again she’s too old to be juggling stuff like she uses to. The Mistress chose Fate because she is reliable, she can get stuff done without going overboard as I’m sure you can contest to.”

Mummer some choice words, he rises a brow as he approaches me.

“I’m right Tom, and you know it.”

“Shut it!” I reply, my voice slightly louder than my growling from before. He thinks he’s above all of us because he’s smart, because he researches, because he lives in that library tower of his at home. “Why do you always talk down to me, like I know nothing about why I wasn’t picked.”

“Then act your age, if you know then man up and stop blaming everyone and everything for your stupid actions!”

Standing, and cocking my arm, ready to swing I’m inches from his four eyed face when her voice drifts past us. “Getting along as usual I see.” She points to her eyes, making a joke at her expense but giggling. We both stand at attention before her and her father—Mike who has silently walked forward.

Hope’s in a long dress that reaches her ankles which is uncommon for her, she likes to be a bit freer. A black sweatshirt tied around her waist while her white tee says something along the lines of “4 is a lucky number.” which is badly faded in black letters.

Mike, much like Bert is dressed in a suit, without a jacket, he looks casual in his egg shell white dress shirt which isn’t even tucked in. Bert is prim and proper and Mike doesn’t care. I’d wish that attitude of his would rub off on my brother, he’s always stressed for no reason but I’m not sure what will help.

“Boys, we need to get going. I’m not sure how aware you’ve been made of Naomi’s and my mother’s arrival. We’re heading to Devil’s Reservoir; I’d like you two to come so we can do introductions away from Mary.”

Neither of us argue, what point would there be, and we’re both eager to meet Naomi, only knowing bits and pieces from Fate and Hope we gladly follow Mike to his apple red van in the park’s parking lot. Hope takes shotgun while I take the middle seat behind her and Bert behind Mike; next to me. He reverses and pulls out of the parking lot. A few hours later with very little conversion between us besides a call from Mike to the Mistress—where he does seem stressed—we arrive next to a taxi that’s sitting in the gravel lot. The man inside reading some news off his phone.

Mike is out the instant as he parks the van and heads over to the taxi as the rest of us take our time. “He’s rushed, is something up?” I ask Hope as we depart, feeling a dread as I familiarize myself with my surroundings. “something has to be up; you’re feeling it too?” Hope nods, looking worried.

“Bert, you’re staying with the Taxi driver, you understand?” Mike directs his attention on Bert who has just closed the sliding door behind him. He says nothing as he walks over to the Taxi driver while Mike hands off a flask to him. Mike now stares at us, “You two can reach the peak faster than I, I’m taking the path but you two, contact me once you get there or if anything else happens…my mother has passed on but if those get to her before she can completely leave she will never be able to rest.”

I’m not one to back down from a fight but, we may be up against many Husk at once is what Mike is saying. I hear rustling behind me as well as a bright pink light. Hope has already dashed into the woods. Turning on my toes, I dash off into the woods as well, following no direct path, rather using the trees and stones as foot holds as I bounce from one to the next like an acrobat. We’re trained in parkour and even with my small build but strong body I’m easily able to stay on my feet as I run though the damp woods, twigs scraping me along the way but I can dodge ever minor obstruction.

I don’t go long before dawning my own Harmony. A sort of outfit created from the soul that guards us to an extent. My clothing changing so I now only have my shorts, and shoes, revealing my muscular chest.

Catching up to Hope as she’s a bit ahead of me, she’s slow down and is waiting for me in her own Harmony. A charcoal colored maid outfit, with all the frills you’d expect. It’s cut short just above her knees and unlike the one her sister would be wearing; she goes without the white tights.

As we continue ascending the rather steep hill, the trees provide us good ground to launch from one branch to the next, testing each one briefly before considering it secured and targeting our next landing. This terrain is unfamiliar to us so we’re lucky to have not fallen yet, and some of the heights are enough to kill a man…well a normal man without the training we’ve been though by our brutal Mistress.

From below we begin to hear clatter, and inhuman noises. Both Hope and I pause, stopping our assent, and I’m the unlucky bastard to be the first to find a less than ideal branch as it snaps, sending me plummeting to the ground. I’m able to right myself before landing, falling to my feet and bending my knees while rolling forward to decrease the momentum and stop myself from any further injuries besides from the initial fall. My right arm has some blood trickling down from it but nothing to serious considering the twenty foot fall or so.

Hope appears next to me, a small smile on her face, I know she found it funny but that’s beside the point as we’re now in the midst of a horde of Husks. They’re hard to pinpoint in this lighting but what stands out is the blue orb we’ve dubbed the Eye. We destroy that and we vanquish the Husk.

“No prep work, she’s not going to like us destroying them all but it’s not like we have a choice.” Hope pants quietly while I try to size up how many we’re dealing with. Some are large, while others small, but they all have similar looks. An amoeba like form, taking shape of an animal or some distorted human form. Most here resemble animals, but a few human looking ones. Most run right past us while a few hang behind, being distorted by our Harmony. They’re looking for soul, what they feed off of to grow stronger.

“How many are there?” Hope ask after a few seconds as she too can sense them approaching us. These Husk are bold, why are there so many though? Just for one soul, was Mike’s mother that strong?

“I can’t tell because we’re not in the trees any longer but over twenty if not more. This is insane I’ve never seen so many at once.”

A warm breeze comes from behind as we both turn, watching in the thicket of the woods as deep violet flames engulf one of many Husks. Then another and another, circling us as we’re dumbfounded by what’s going on around us. At least up until this point we understood what was happening. Many Husks who wanted Mike’s mother’s soul to eat were gathering but this, what is causing them to vanish into thin air via violet flames?

A woman laugh echoes in the woods as we watch on, helpless to the Husk being dispersed by who we can only guess is this woman laughing. Who’s she? But it’s not long before this woman in a tattered looking trench coat appears before us, only her back though as she say’s “whoops.” Before taking out a Husk that had gotten close to us without our noticing. But just as she was before us she vanishes, leaving us in the clear.

“What the hell.” I ask myself scratching my head.

“Best not to think about it, let’s get moving.” Hope answers, us wasting time watching this is going to annoy Mike who told us to reach the peak before he does and update him when we do.

She bolts off and I follow. In no time at all we’re at the peak where we find three bodies. Hope goes over to the one near the bench and quietly starts crying as she pulls out her cell, I hear her calling her dad, the conversation is brief as she then dials three buttons. She’s calling for an ambulance. Finding her sister next to a taller looking girl, kneeling and looking toward the setting sun, she must be Naomi. Picking her off the ground and I bring her over to a nearby tree to rest upon. Her pulse is normal and I remove my pointer and index finger from her neck.

Examining her, a faint glowing all but gone shines through her thin top under her left shoulder sleeve. Glowing white, it flickers and then is gone as I stop my thoughts and try to wake her up. This isn’t good for her to be out for so long, she could have a concussion.

“Dad already called for an ambulance, they’ll be here shortly, he’s almost up the path.”

“And that woman we saw earlier in the throng of Husks?” I ask, standing.

“That can wait…I need to process what’s going on, I just lost my grandma.”

Her voice is shallow, but still firm. She’s never been weak even with her disability so this is the most emotion I’ve seen on her face. I’m not sure what to do, only resting one of my large hands on her shoulder. “we’ve all gone through a death, it never gets easier. But why would we let it? You have memories of her right? Don’t lose them or else she will die.”

More tears begin flowing, “when did my dad give you a pep talk?”

“Really those are my true thoughts on the matter, Mike didn’t tell me jack.” I tell her in a playful tone even though I am annoyed by her thinking that I used her father words on her.

We hear the sirens before long and both Mike and Bert meet up with us. Hope has gone to try waking her sister while I’m trying to wake up Naomi who’s as stiff as a board.

“Slap her.” I hear Mike tell me from afar.

Bert who is standing near him gives him a serious look which he notices but continues staring at me, “I said slap her, we her need awake.”

Shaking her instead I shake more vigorously, hoping she’ll fall limp and it’s not long before she does. “I’m not going to slap her.” I tell Mike who sighs but seems pleased all the same. Naomi’s cold eyes flutter open but she still seems in a daze as I help her stand, “come on Sleeping Beauty, time to wake up.”

“A bit corny?” my brother questions but I ignore him as I head in the direction of the ambulance which Mike’s mother has already be loaded on to, pronounced dead here.

Arm in arm with Naomi, I see that Fate has recovered much quicker and is following her sister. Mike stays by the ambulance and tells Bert and I to head back to the van first, having us take Naomi with us while him and his daughters stay behind for a while before meeting back with us so we can head home at this late hour.

[amannahmad-blog]

Podcast Transcript: Detailing a trip to the Train Show

Hey y’all, Amann here. This week on “How to be a Woke Teacher”, I’ll be talking about a not only educational, but also super cool field trip you can take your students on around anytime between November 22nd and January 15th of every year. I was originally going to discuss the ins and outs of a field trip to the entire Botanical Gardens that covers a whopping 250 acres, but I just visited this seasonal exhibit there and I gotta share it with you! So, let’s focus on the Holiday Train Show the NYBG puts on inside of its historic glass conservatory. Interwoven between the tropical landscape of ferns, waterfalls and a 10-foot palm, visitors watch toy trains move between historical NY landmarks like the Brooklyn Bridge and Penn Station. But, that’s not even the coolest part! Created by this dope artist named Paul Busse, the buildings are all made of natural materials found at the NYBG. He uses things like pine bark as the stone facade of buildings and cocoa nuts, mahogany, pine oak acorn caps and black lichen to make cherubs (you know those uh weird baby angels Europeans love to put in their drawings and make into statues?). Students can see the intersection between engineering, things found in Nature and New York’s history at the train show. How cool!

So now that we know a little bit about what the Holiday Train Show is, we can get into the nitty gritty you are all wondering about. That’s right! Logistics!

Cost: This is, of course, is the most important aspect for some since I know our budget’s are basically non-existent. Each visitor between the ages of 2 and 12 costs $10 each. We can come back to this but there are some great fundraising ideas to get around this, so that the students don’t have to pay this fee out of pocket. I hope you agree that all our students should be able to come, regardless of if they can front the 10 bucks or not.

Group size: For grades 1 through 8 there’s a 30 students maximum and 1 adult per 7 students ratio including the teacher. The Gardens allow a max of 3 additional chaperones at a fee of $12 per chaperone.

Registration: It is NECESSARY for all school-group visits. To register your class, and yes we have to do this even if we aren’t taking a guided tour and are doing a self-guided tour through the train show, you must either call 718-817-8181 between 8 a.m.-4 p.m., Monday-Friday OR email childed@nybg.org.

Payment needs to be received two weeks after registration and this can be done either online or by mailing a check in (who does that anymore). Of course, all this information is detailed at NYBG.org. Click on “Learn”, then “Schools and Teachers” and then “Class trips”.  Oh actually, while you’re on this page, you’ll see links for “Trip and Class Resources” and also “Pre and Post activity guides” and this is great BUT they won’t apply to our train show field trip. Later on in the podcast, I’ll mention some resources and pre and post activities that do pertain to the train show.

Okay back to logistics...and I know, I know it’s not as interesting to go over but it’s still important. When registering your class, include any information on disability-related accommodations needed by your students. The NYBG will make sure to include these accommodations in your visit. And while we’re on the topic of accessibility, the buildings of the NYBG are all wheelchair accessible. But the placards that label all the buildings in the train show are only written in English, not also in braille. There is a super cool video for people to watch before walking into the exhibit though and it has Spanish subtitles which is pretty cool. I gave the Gardens points for this, but am still confused as to why they aren’t also English closed captions for folks who are hard of hearing. Anyway, after the first scheduling change, you will be charged a  $15 processing fee for each additional change. To receive a full refund, cancellations must be made at least 4 weeks before the scheduled visit. Cancellations made 2 to 4 weeks in advance will only be refunded 50% of their payment. There are no refunds for cancellations made two weeks or less before the scheduled visit.

Lunch! There is no indoor eating facility for school groups. But, they can eat the lunch they bring with them, there’s also no cafeteria for kids to buy food, at the Clay Family Picnic Pavilion, which is located near the School Group Entrance. It’ll probably be cold to eat outside between November and January but you know what they say! There is no bad weather, just bad clothing. So, make sure to send home directions for winter jackets, gloves, hats etc to parents before the field trip. Speaking of weather, the holiday train show is open rain or shine since its inside. I would recommend allotting two and a half hours for the field trip with an hour and a half to walk through the train show, half an hour to eat and the rest of the time to round the group up and take a bathroom break before leaving.

Final piece of logistics: School group check-in is at the Everett Garden Gate, located on 2900 Southern Boulevard, across from Fordham University. All school groups must be picked up at the Everett Garden Gate at the end of their visit. Since there is no bus parking available in the Gardens, the bus must find street parking. Chaperones can park in the Gardens parking lot if they come separately but they’ll have to pay the $15 parking fee (yikes). I don’t mention the option of getting to the botanical gardens by subway because the B, D, or 4 train stop at Bedford Park Blvd. is pretty far from the entrance to NYBG so you’d have to take the Bx26 bus east to the Garden’s Mosholu Entrance or walk eight blocks down the hill on Bedford Park Blvd which takes about 20 minutes. That doesn’t seem very doable with a large group of elementary school children... Oh darn, one last logistical thing, garden hours are Tuesday to Sunday, 10am-6pm. I visited later in the day around 3pm and the exhibit was still really beautiful, but I’d recommend going in the morning when the light filtering through the glass ceiling of the conservatory helps students see all the details of the train show. It will probably be a little warmer during the early afternoon anyway.

A cool interactive activity students can do while walking through the exhibit is writing down short phrases to describe their reactions to what they see, hear and smell. They can also sketch what they see. [But honestly, there is so much to take in, it might be nice to just let students explore all the stimulation without having to also draw and write.]

I’ve chosen three primary resources we, as teachers, can introduce to our students before and after heading to the glam and glory of the botanical gardens. The first is two pictures from the early 1900s of the NYBG conservatory which now hosts the train show. These original photographs will show students what the site looked like a century ago. You can find these black and white photos in the transcript for this week’s podcast along with the link to the NYBG’s archive (Oh my Gaia, I said ahr-CHive!) with many more photos to choose from.

Primary Resource #1: Historical Photos of the NYBG

October 27, 1938

Photo Credit: http://mertzdigital.nybg.org/cdm/singleitem/collection/p9016coll20/id/27

March 13, 1919

http://mertzdigital.nybg.org/cdm/singleitem/collection/p9016coll20/id/803

The second resource is a set of design plans for N.Y. bridges including

The Williamsburg Bridge, the Manhattan Bridge, Brooklyn Bridge and Queensboro Bridge. These sketches made by engineers were found on the Weinstock Brothers website, the company that supplied the structural bolts and equipment for these bridges along with other structures like the Twin Towers. As a class, you can compare and contrast these blueprints and try to spot the differences between the bridges before seeing them at the train show. I’ll include some pictures I took of these amazing mini-bridges at the end of the transcript or on the tumblr page.

Primary Resource #2: Design plans for NY bridges

Photo Credit: http://www.weinstockbros.com

The third primary resource I thought would be neat to use with students after the field trip was an interview NYC monthly did with Paul Busse who created all of the buildings in the Holiday Train Show (not only for NY but all cities like Washington D.C. and Chicago). This interview would hopefully answer some questions the students had about his process or designing and building. Because the interview is a little wordy, you could re-type a few particularly interesting questions the interviewer asked like “Share with us a story of one of the New York landmarks that you most enjoyed working on and why.”

Primary Resource #3: An interview with the creator of the Holiday Train Show, Paul Busse

Link: https://nycmonthly.com/article/holiday-train-show-interview-w-paul-busse/

Some other post-field trip activities you could use are writing letters to Paul Busse asking any questions the interview didn’t answer. Hopefully Paul, or someone else from his company, Applied Imagination, will respond (maybe not individually but to the class). Another post-trip activity is taking a walk outside around the school, in the park down the street, in the community garden close by to collect things like leaves, twigs and acorns to make a class structure. This structure will involve planning, sketching of blueprints, and Gaia knows a whole lot of cooperation. But, it’ll give the students an opportunity to try creating famous landmarks with things found in Nature the way our man Paul did. Lastly, using a jigsaw activity in which you break up the students into groups and have them becomes “experts” on something together before breaking up into new groups and teaching their new group all about what they are an expert on. Before or after the field trip, you can have students from each initial group conduct research on the computer on one NYC landmark including the Brooklyn Bridge, the Empire State Building, Grand Central Terminal and Central Park. Then, after those groups have mastered the key facts of landmark along with a couple of “fun facts”, they will be placed in a new group comprised of students who each mastered a different landmark. They will then teach each other about their landmark. This gives the students an opportunity to practice researching skills, teach each other instead of listening to us blabber on and learn more deeply about the buildings and places we might see every day.

Let’s talk standards. How does running around the Holiday Train Show adhere to NYSS? For one, comparing the historical relevance of city landmarks to how they fit into popular culture and society today, is delving into the theme of “Time, continuity and change”. We are also “studying places” and asking, “Why were these structures originally built? What do these places mean to us today?”. Lastly, the Holiday Train Show is playing with the connection and “relationship between science, technology and society”. We’re interacting with the engineering of the buildings and can think about how their construction was beneficial or detrimental to NYC society. Since we gotta stay woke, push your students to ask, “Who built these structures? Who reaped the benefit of using them? Who was not allowed to participate in the more ‘important’ roles of building?” Make sure to send a SHOUTOUT to Emily Warren as a woman who helped complete the Brooklyn Bridge. She was one of the first female field engineer’s in the U.S. (and also got her law degree at NYU, as if she wasn’t cool enough). Check out roeblingmuseum.org and look for info on our female comrade, Emily. If you still don’t feel strong in your pitch to your administration as to how this field trip links to Standards, check out www.socialstudies.org/standards/strands for yourself!

So we’re questioning the master narrative, as New Yorkers we’re super proud (even boastful) about our skyline, our progress, our superiority as a city. But, we built all these buildings in the late 1800s at what cost? At whose cost? Who held the power in the planning and building of our city? And who did the physical building? Emily Warren Roebling is dope, but why did her father-in-law (the chief engineer for the Brooklyn Bridge) have to die and then her husband who took his father’s role have to become bed ridden in order for Emily to get her shot? And yes, women are now encouraged to enter the STEM field and more women are engineers, but have we totally moved passed sexism, racism and all the other “isms” in city planning. Why is it still “weird” if a woman is a construction worker? Hopefully students will not only be engaging in the history of NYC, but also on how identity has changed over time and how the socioeconomic impact of racism and discrimination affected how our city was literally built.

Well, that’s it for this podcast! I hope this was helpful for y’all out there trying to be woke teachers. Here’s a quote for us to end on- “They tried to bury us. They didn’t know we were seeds”. Salaam.