#but it also plays into: what is the pm even doing?!? definitely not mafia stuff

[sableeira]

all of that ominous introduction of Hirotsu just for peepaw to be yeeted out of the window later.

[caffeinatedseri]

Dazai and No Longer Human’s Yozo

It’s no secret that BSD’s Dazai draws heavily from his real life counterpart, especially from his semi-autobiographical work: No Longer Human. To preface, No Longer Human is written from the perspective of the main character Yozo, with the book itself being a documentation of Yozo’s notebooks (essentially his journals) throughout his life. 

As you progress through the novel, it becomes increasingly clear that Yozo lives an extremely two-sided life; his foolish personality acts as a facade to others in attempts to hide the darker nature within him. 

Dazai shares that obvious similarity with Yozo, but Dazai is characterized in a somewhat vague and mysterious way that leaves a lot of his inner thoughts up to interpretation and inferences. Thus, I’ll be going through some of my favorite quotes from No Longer Human and analyzing Dazai’s character through his similarities to Yozo.

(For the sake of readability, excerpts from No Longer Human will be in pictures, and quotes from the light novel will be in regular block quotes).

Dazai and Yozo’s Participation in Clownery

To start off, Dazai noticeably participates in the same “clowning” as Yozo, which in particular stands out with PM Dazai.

““How did your leg get hurt?” I pointed to the bandages, thinking that it must be the result of some violent fight. “I was reading a book titled ‘How to Prevent Accidental Injuries’ while walking when I accidentally fell into a ditch.” I wasn’t expecting such an abnormal response.” — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era (Oda’s POV)

This is pretty standard Dazai behavior, but the interesting part is how Yozo specifically used the word “deceiving.” If we were to assume Yozo’s true thoughts are Dazai’s as well, then it would imply that Dazai feels as if he’s manipulating people with his absurd claims (such as the above). However, in actuality, his clownish behaviors sound more like a joke, or some type of self-deflection, rather than an attempt to manipulate people. (Yozo also states that he would often incriminate himself by overexaggerating certain things, but I don’t think Dazai does that).

The second statement Yozo makes implies that he doesn’t care about ethics, morality, or the supposed “right way” of living life that’s described as “righteousness.”

Yozo’s statement on “righteousness” parallels Dazai’s in Dark Era, but Dazai’s statement carries a slightly different sentiment. Rather than being indifferent to the likes of morality, Dazai says that he’s “hated” by the concept of morality. 

I’ll be speculating a bit here → It’s heavily implied that Dazai had some sort of dark past that led him to joining the mafia, since he was already suicidal prior to doing so. This suggests that something affected his life so drastically to the point where he could no longer trust in such things as “righteousness,” because righteousness has wronged him in the past.

First, Yozo expresses his fear of people discovering his true nature under the mask of clownery, which would then lead to them pestering him for further inquiry. However, his real fear is that people would mistake his true nature as another part of his typical clownery.

More so than before, this attitude reminds me more of Dazai in the agency, rather than him in the mafia. Even though Dazai danced around darker topics in his conversations with Oda, he was still able to talk about them without much conflict. However, in the agency, Dazai doesn’t talk much about himself or any of his personal issues at all. 

Although this scene has comedic overtones, it’s interesting to see that no one would help Dazai if he was actually dying. Still, it could be argued that the other agency members knew it was just Dazai’s regular antics. (or that Dazai wouldn’t die in the first place). 

This scenario repeats itself another time when Dazai gets kidnapped by the mafia, and the other agency members kind of just brush it aside. As much as they may trust Dazai to take care of himself (which I’m sure he can do), it’s worrying that the other members may not be open to Dazai’s possible attempts at reaching out for help, if he were ever to make one. 

In LN 4, 55 Minutes, Atsushi addresses this issue by asking Dazai why he wants to kill himself, but the answer is left open-ended, with Atsushi himself not remembering the answer (or if Dazai even did answer). You could interpret Dazai’s change from his time in the PM as an improvement of his mental state — which I have no doubt that has happened — but Dazai needs to face his issues head-on if he truly wanted to reconcile with his past.

“Perhaps someone should persistently tie Dazai up, open the lid over his chest and stuff the head of a vacuum cleaner in. They have to let Dazai, who should be screaming in pain and resisting, settle down. Following which, the difficult things in his heart must all be dragged out under the sun and stepped on mercilessly.“ — LN 2, Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era

Oda, the man who understood Dazai more than anyone else could at the time, even specifically stated that the pain in Dazai’s heart must be forcefully dragged out, because he knew that this would ultimately be the most beneficial for Dazai’s sanity.

Throughout No Longer Human, Yozo is often misunderstood by others, or other people simply don’t care about him.

When Dazai goes to visit Oda’s grave in Dead Apple, Atsushi finds him and assumes that he’s visiting the grave of someone important to him, as an act of respect or remembrance, something of the sort. However, Dazai makes the automatic assumption that his “clownish words of deceit” (as stated by Yozo) will always be prioritized over the truth, which is why he chooses to brush off his actions as a joke. 

Although I made the point earlier that the agency members don’t give Dazai opportunities to open up about himself, Atsushi is notably different, similarly to Oda, because he’s able to take Dazai seriously and persist even through his antics. 

Atsushi takes Dazai’s act of visiting a grave seriously, even when Dazai plays it off, because he knows Dazai is a person just like anyone else. This understanding between them leads to Dazai telling Atsushi about Oda, thereby allowing Dazai to divulge a crucial part of his past.

Dazai and Yozo’s Friendships

Similarly to Yozo, Dazai’s attempt at “disentangling” himself from these relationships only serves to wear him out in the end. However, they also slightly differ in a way: Yozo is unable to form any friendships for his whole life, but Dazai had Oda. I would argue that Oda was Dazai’s only friend, mostly because of this quote:

“Odasaku understood him far beyond what Dazai had ever thought. He had already reached close to his heart, the place near the center of his heart. Before this, Dazai had never noticed there was someone who understood him so well. For the first time in his life, Dazai wanted to know something from the depths of his heart.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Oda was special to Dazai because Oda was able to understand him — maybe even more than Dazai could understand himself — which is why Oda is the only person that Dazai asks for advice from. 

However, Dazai does the same thing as Yozo when he “plays the clown” as a form of self-protection from such valuable friendships. (which is probably preventing him from becoming closer to the rest of the agency).

“Things that we don’t want to lose will definitely be lost. Now that it has come to this, I have no more feelings anymore. Things worth pursuing will always disappear the moment before you get them. Nothing is worth prolonging a painful life to pursue.” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Interestingly enough, Dazai says this when Ango is revealed to be a spy — before Oda dies. If Dazai was in this state of distress from Ango’s betrayal, you could only imagine how devastating Oda’s death was. 

Dazai speaks as if he’s speaking from experience, which suggests that he’s faced a similar loss in the past. Despite this implied experience, he still became friends with Oda (and Ango to an extent), fully knowing that it would only bring him pain in the end. Dazai's statement here acts more as a front that makes him sound cold and detached from the situation, only to hide how he truly feels about losing one of his only friends. 

To give some context to this passage, Yozo’s partner, Yoshiko, had been sexually assaulted by a coworker, of which Yozo attributes the cause to her overly trusting nature. Thus, this leads to Yozo’s belief that trustfulness is inherently wrong or creates weakness.

Dazai’s hesitance to form friendships most likely stems from this same inability to trust others like Yozo, but Dazai does trust a few people, namely Chuuya, Oda, and Atsushi.

With Chuuya, there’s a different type of trust between him and Dazai. Their impeccable trust is obviously a key factor in their partnership as SKK, but there’s a certain limit with this trust. They certainly trust each other in battle, but I’d argue that this trust doesn’t extend to their personal business. 

As of now, we don’t know a lot about how SKK interacted with each other during their time in the mafia (which could change with the new LN), but I doubt PM Dazai would feel comfortable with confiding in Chuuya with anything because they (kind of) hated each other. The level of trust required for a friendship would involve a mutual understanding between two people, but Chuuya and Dazai haven’t necessarily shown us that they were able to do that.

Dazai essentially broke his trust with Chuuya by leaving the mafia on a whim, but he also intentionally antagonized himself to try to make Chuuya hate him.

This scene also has comedic overtones, but it suggests something a bit sadder about Dazai. There are possibly two motivations as to why Dazai chose to do this: (or a mix of the two)

1. Dazai didn’t want Chuuya to be incriminated as his accomplice when he became an enemy of the mafia.

2. Dazai wanted to push Chuuya away because Oda — Dazai’s most trusted friend — had just died. As a form of self-protection, Dazai broke whatever semblance of friendship he shared with Chuuya in order to prevent the same pain that came with Oda’s death. 

It’s also important to consider that trust is a 2-way street; both parties have to have the same level of trust in each other. Just like Yozo, if Dazai is unable to trust anyone, then he may have cut Chuuya off to protect him (since Chuuya may have trusted Dazai more than Dazai was able to reciprocate).

In contrast, Oda and Dazai have a level of unspoken trust that basically motivates Dazai to change his entire life. 

“Odasaku’s eyes radiate with conviction. The words are clearly said with some sort of strong basis. Is it past experience? Or perhaps someone’s suggestion? — He is trying to show Dazai the path he once walked. Dazai understands this. Dazai can trust it.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

Returning to Yozo’s question — “Is trustfulness a sin?” — Dazai answers it by showing us the strength of trust in this moment. Trust insinuates blind faith in another person, the willingness to believe someone else without logical reasoning, which makes it all the more important when PM Dazai — the genius prodigy who operates on a solely logical basis — is able to trust Oda and change his path in life. 

Atsushi is most likely the one that Dazai trusts the most in the agency, due to the aforementioned issues with the other members. However, it seems more like a budding trust that’s growing to become like Oda and Dazai, but it still requires Dazai to take that step forward to further their trust. 

Dazai and Yozo’s View of the World

In this scene, Yozo had made a decision for immediate gratification, but that choice caused him insufferable pain afterwards — supporting his belief that the world was a “place of bottomless horror.”

This parallels two of Dazai’s statements: one from Dark Era and one from Dead Apple.

“Please, take me with you. Wake me up from this rotten world of a dream. Come on, come on, come on!” — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

(Dazai wasn’t talking about himself here, but the allusion sets up a situation where he can talk about himself indirectly — I talk about it more in my other post here)

We don’t really get a reason for why Dazai is suicidal, but from this we can infer that it’s something more complex than he makes it out to be — something like an issue deeply rooted within the world, with no easy solution. 

One could guess that this was the result of an unfortunate decision (like Yozo), or the realization that the world was simply a terrible place (possibly because no one cared for him as a kid and he had Mori as a “parental” figure instead).

Yozo expresses his lack of understanding in the compassion of human nature, but Dazai (as we know) seems to understand other people perfectly, as least enough to manipulate them.

However, this forms somewhat of a paradox: Dazai understands people so well to the point that he can’t understand them.

Dazai understands every flawed aspect of a human being — the tendency to manipulate, lie, kill, etc. — most likely because of his past as a young child. “Human beings never did teach” him the hopeful aspect of human nature  — the ability to love and cherish others.

Shibusawa in Dead Apple reflects this mindset, but take note of what Dazai says: “You wouldn’t be saying that if you actually had friends” — clearly a reflection of Dazai’s personal experience, by knowing how important friends are.

Yozo’s deathly fear of society tames itself when he comes to the realization that society is really just made up of a bunch of individuals working for their individual benefit, so he has no reason to fear society as a whole.

I don’t believe Dazai has this same fear of society, but he does reflect this individualistic mindset in the way he acts. Often enough, Dazai doesn’t tell anyone about his plans and would rather manipulate people into following such plans, even when it would be easier to cooperate. He always takes care of conflicts by himself, and by his standard.

Yozo’s fear of society possibly manifested into Dazai’s ostracization from society. More speculation here, but → My guess is that Dazai was alienated not only as a genius isolated for his intelligence, but also for his ability. There seems to be some division between regular society and ability-users’ society, but I can see Dazai being rejected by both because he’s the antithesis to all abilities. 

Regular society would either shun him like other users or attempt to exploit him for their personal gain (possibly for his intelligence AND his ability), or ability-users would see him as a threat and/or menace to their safety.

When Yozo considers a double suicide with his partner, he comes to this unsure conclusion of whether or not he actually wants to go through with it.

This reflects what Oda believes about Dazai:

“I thought you and Dazai were very similar, unable to see the value of your life, hoping for death, hence jumping into a world of violence and fighting. But that’s not the case. That guy is just a child who’s too smart. Just a crying child who’s been left alone in the darkness, a world of nothingness far emptier than the world we can see.“ — LN 2, “Osamu Dazai and the Dark Era”

At the end of the story, Gide and Oda are different from Dazai because they face an inevitable hopelessness. However, Dazai has a small spark of hope to live on that persists beyond the other two. 

This is represented in Dazai’s own statement to Oda, when Oda is set on walking to his death: “Go and rely on something, hope for something good to happen next, that something will definitely happen.” 

If anything, this sounds more like a plea to himself than to Oda, but it establishes an important point: hope is built upon the assumption that the future will treat your present desires well. Vice versa, hopelessness is built upon the expectation that the future will neglect your present desires.

It’s a bit wordy, so I’ll elaborate on. Right after Dazai says this line, they proceed to talk about their desires �� Dazai wants to find a reason to live, so he joined the mafia; Oda wanted to become a novelist, so he didn’t kill anyone. 

Now, the difference between hope and hopelessness:

Oda feels hopeless because he expects that his present desire (to become a novelist) won’t be fulfilled in the future. By losing the one qualification that he felt he had to follow (not killing anyone), he no longer believes that he can become a novelist.

Dazai has hope because he assumes that his present desire (to find a reason to live) will be fulfilled in the future. He doesn’t know that for sure, but he persists onwards regardless of having full assurance or not. 

Dazai’s hope and trust in Oda brings him to where he is in the present, and takes him one step closer towards discovering his reason to live. 

[lombredanslaeu]

softly | lee taeyong

▸ mafia! taeyong x reader, mafia! nct

▸ warnings: smut, fluff, angst

Lee Taeyong was always known as the no-nonsense boss of the no-nonsense mafia, NCT. He crawled his way through fire and blood to put his team to the top of the chain. Contrary to popular belief, Taeyong isn’t fond of playing around with women unless he sees a future with them and he isn’t one to put something before his work. On another note, Kim Y/N was always protected by her older brother, Kim Doyoung - one of NCT’s hitmen. She is the only family Doyoung has left so he invested in keeping sure she is always away from harm; with his wealth, it was not a problem at all. Doyoung also kept Y/N away from his field and from his comrades - no matter how much he trust them. But a pest investation in their university dorm forced Y/N to live in the NCT Mansion for the mean time.

Taeyong’s presence shouldn’t bother you as much but it does. The only interaction you’ve had with him was during your first night at the mansion. You made eye contact with him during dinner and it would be a lie to say that his stares never ran through your thoughts every night. It was the finals week in university and you only needed a few work done before you could enjoy the summer break. With Doyoung as your brother, you never got to enjoy the so-called “college life”. It was a shame to admit that you are a bit innocent to things people your age are exposed to because your brother never allowed you to go out after 9:00 pm. He makes up for it by going on trips with you overseas during your school breaks.

You noticed the time was almost midnight. You stretched your back and felt the sweet relief after hunching on your desk, writing an essay for almost three hours now. You became thirsty so you decided to go down and get a glass of whatever you could find. The men in the house was kind enough to stuff their huge refrigerator with food during your arrival. According to Yangyang, it was always empty; except for like an apple or something. You looked for something to drink inside.

“Warm milk is best for falling asleep,” a voice spoke behind you. You pivoted and saw Taeyong. His presence immediately made your cheeks flush. This feeling was foreign to you and you blame it on his magnetic eyes and beautiful bone structure. “Here, I’ll warm some up for you.”

“Oh, I can do it,” you immediately offered, worried that you might be keeping him away from doing something. “You might be doing something and I don’t wanna bother you.”

He remained silent, as if he never heard you, and continued on getting a pan from the shelves. Before you could repeat what you said, he spoke. “I don’t help anyone warming their milk so just accept it.”

You kept your mouth shut. Even though he is dressed in pajamas decorated with ducks, he still radiated dominance over everything. That thought made you feel funny somewhere. You decided to sit on the kitchen island as you watched him heat the milk up. While he waited for it to finish, he sat opposite to you.

Taeyong has always found you attractive. He noticed the pink flush that covered your cheeks when you first came to the mansion. It wasn’t in his nature to fall for the soft ones - he always preferred the fiesty ones. All he wanted to do from the very beginning was to touch your skin but he kept his composure that day. It’s only been two weeks since your arrival but all he thought about every night since your arrival is how would you look on your knees, in front of him.

“Do you usually stay up this late?” He asked, wanting to get to know you better. Despite what others might label him, he actually enjoyed getting to know people.

“I’m in university, it’s natural for us to stay late.” You responded. “I’m currently writing an essay for my class. That’s why I’m up this late.”

“What is it all about?” He asked. You furrowed your eyebrows at his sudden curiosity. For the short time you’ve been around him, he never seemed like he gave a shit about you.

“It’s about Othello.” You replied. “It sounds like a high school thing to do but it’s the topic of the class.”

“I like Shakespeare.” He stated. “If you want, I could help you.”

The two of you became close that night. It was also the first time you heard him laugh. He helped you finish your essay. The following nights made you two bond more. The mornings are always hectic for everyone - even you, with your classes and errands. You would go home earlier than any of the men and it won’t be until around 7:00 PM do you see them arrive one by one. The rest of the night would always end up with you and Taeyong doing something together; whatever you both end up doing that night, you found yourself happy and comfortable. There was a night where he asked you to watch a movie with him. He helped you bring your favorite blanket and teddy bear to his room; and yes, he uncontrollably laughed at the fact that you still needed a teddy bear to help you sleep. That revelation ended with him jokingly calling you “baby”. You found yourself a little closer to him that you expected to be. Your shoulder overlapping his as you sat on his bed watching the movie.

Taeyong looked at your side profile as your eyes was fixated to the screen of his laptop. Each time he lays his eyes upon you, he is reminded that there is beauty in this destructive world. You were too pure to be held by someone like him. His hands are tainted with the ghosts of every man he killed and he thinks they’re undeserving to touch you. He was just a mere mortal and you are like a deity that he longs so much to reach. You noticed him staring and you took every bravery you have to match his stare. Before you know it, his lips are moving against yours and his palm on the side of your face. It was a foreign feeling. No one has kissed or touched you like this before. Despite your lack of experience, you found yourself replicating the movements of his lips. You wanted so bad to be good enough for him. As if on instinct, you leaned closer to his touch as your hands searched their way through his hair. As he was about to push you to lay down, your phone alarm interrupted you both. It was time to you to head back to your room before Doyoung wakes up. You smiled at him, to assure him that you wanted it. He kissed you one last time, as if to remind you that this will happen again, before letting you leave his room.

--

You left school earlier than you usually do. You finished all the work needed for your classes and you didn’t have any lectures anymore. It was a Friday so it was natural for the boys to be at home. You wanted to show Taeyong the good score you got for the Othello essay. The memories of the previous night made your veins alive. As you were approaching his office, the faint sound of screaming entered your ears. The door to Taeyong’s office was slightly ajar, allowing you to see what was going inside. You saw him standing from his seat and as calm as his face was, the words that left his mouth said otherwise. An older man was seated in front of his joke, trying so hard to be heard but Taeyong’s angry rebuttals prevented him to do so.

“I told you, it’s not always that there’s a malfunct-” before the old man could continue, Taeyong cut him off with a threat.

“If you don’t shut the fuck and leave this room, so help me God, I will put a bullet through your skull.” Taeyong said with conviction. The look on his face and the tone of his threat sparked fear in your heart. Taeyong has always looked cold and domineering when he’s outside of his comfort zone. It was only at night you seem him smile and relax. The man hurriedly exited the office, leaving the door widely open which made your figure visible to Taeyong’s vision.

“I- you weren’t suppose to see that,” He started, sitting back down on his chair before sighing. Seeing the stress and frustration in his demeanor, all you wanted to do was to kiss him until he forgets about whatever it was that made him angry.

“Is there anything I could do to help?” You asked, softly. Taeyong was glad he had such a lovely presence right now.

“Sit on my lap.” He ordered. There was something dominant about his tone, but he still never failed to make it soft for you. You obliged; all you wanted right now was to help him relax. You made yourself comfortable in his lap as you linked your arm around his shoulders. His fingers brushed away the hair from your face as he looked into your eyes. His lips found yours in no time. You grew confidence with your kissing abilities. His hands found themselves from your waist down to the skin of your thigh that your skirt provided. He helped you put your knees on the sides of his hips so that you could straddle him. You gasped lightly as you feel him underneath you. You brief stories about this man and never once in your life did you think that you would be in this position. You moaned into the kiss as his fingers found themselves under your skirt.

Taeyong couldn’t bear it anymore. His length was hardening within his slacks but he knew better than you fuck you immediately. He knew this was your first time and the thought of him being the first one to feel you - to touch you like this - made his ego inflate. With his hands supporting your ass, he lifted you and set you down on his desk. For a moment, he felt like it was inappropriate to take you for the first time in his desk but he really can’t be bothered to walk to his room.

“Can I take this off?” He asked, his own question foreign to him. Usually, he would take off anyone’s blouse without question. But you were his baby - he wanted to put you first before himself. You gave him permission to strip you off all your clothing and he took off his as well. You gawked at his body. The sight of his muscles overwhelmed you but definitely made you burn to your core.

“Like what you see?” He smirks. You felt yourself become embarrassed and lowered yourself in hopes of avoiding his eyes. He noticed how you became shy and held your face, before leaning down and capturing your lips with his. His hand trailed down to the waist band of your underwear as he slowly peeled them away. Once there was nothing between him and your core, you closed your legs from embarrassment. He chuckled and placed his hands on your knees.

“Open up, baby, I won’t hurt you…” he said, as he slowly opened your legs to reveal your moist pussy. “…yet.”

His fingers opened your folds and his eyes devoured your pink matter.

“You’re so wet for me, baby,” He praised. “I can’t believe no one has fucked you before. You’re so hot.”

You squirmed at his words. You feel yourself become wetter and needier. You wanted him to touch you so bad and he’s still not doing that. “Please, Taeyong,…”

His head shot up at your words. Your begging was like the angels singing. He wanted to hear you say more of it.

“I can’t hear you, baby, what did you say?” He teased. His palms running up and down your legs, the sensation bringing more heat to your core.

“Please…please,” Then, you said something that drove the beast inside him nuts. “Ruin me.”

He wasted no time but to push two digits into your pussy. He moaned at how tight you felt. His cock grew needier each moment he feels your velvet walls clench around his fingers.

“You think your tight, virgin pussy can handle me?” He spoke, his face dangerously close to yours as he kissed your neck. You wanted to push his face away from your neck. You knew it could cause hickeys and you weren’t sure you wanted Doyoung, or anyone, to know you were fucking their leader. “Can you be my good babygirl and take all of it?”

“Yes, yes,” You breathed, desperate for him - all of him. “I’ll be your good girl.”

He smiled proudly at the sight of you begging for him. The first night he met you all he wanted to do was ruin you. “This will hurt, baby.”

You whimpered. You felt his tip enter your folds. You grip his shoulder tightly as he kissed your face to help ease the discomfort. “Tell me if you want me to stop.”

He took his time, letting you adjust inch by inch. It wasn’t look till you’re full of him. He hasn’t moved, letting you savor him for a while before doing so. He groaned at how tight you felt. It was like you were made for him. He started to move slowly. You hissed at the sudden movement but he immediately comforted you by kissing you. His pace grew faster each time and soon the pain you felt was shadowed by pleasure. You felt like it was a sin to feel this good.

“Moan for me, baby, let them know who you belong to,” he stated. Usually, you would be appalled at how men thinks women are their objects. But here you are, fully accepting to yourself that you belonged to him. You obliged him, like you always do. His thrusts are faster than before, hitting you in the right spot and leaving you breathless. You felt a knot tightening within you and it’s aching to be released.

“Tae, I’m…” you couldn’t continue what you were about to say as your mind was clouded with lust.

“Go on, baby, cum all over me,” He said. And what he says, you will do. You felt your orgasm rock over your system as you clenched your walls around him. His pace was still controlled and quick.

“Can I come inside you?” You nodded at his questions. It wasn’t long until you felt him coat your walls with his cum. Your walls clenching for the last time at the sensation. He stayed inside for a while before pulling out. He watched his release leak from your tight pussy.

“Are you okay?” He asked, his eyes filled with concern as he stroked your hair. You nodded, still unable to form words. He lifts you and placed you back on his lap, where he held you close for a while.

--

Your relationship didn’t remain hidden for so long. Everyone was shocked but was still happy for the two of you; especially, to their leader who found true love after all this time. They vowed to remain loyal to you as they are loyal to Taeyong. Your brother, on the other hand, acted like any brother would. He was furious that you two had sex before even having a first official date. He was mad for a solid hour but in the end, he was glad it was Taeyong you fell in love with. Being with the leader of the top mafia meant extra security and protection. If you think Doyoung’s protectiveness over you couldn’t be topped, it definitely was when you met Taeyong. Your friends invited you to go to Jeju for the summer break. You wanted so desperately to have fun and be out of the house for a while. Doyoung couldn’t take you overseas because he was deployed to do surveillance work with Haechan in Busan. And Tayeong, being the leader, was always busy. Your friends knew you would say no but you appreciated how they always ask you, nevertheless. You felt sad that you missed out on such a fun adventure but Taeyong assured you he will make up for it once time was right.

The beginning of the new semester was fast approaching. It was a peaceful evening when Taeyong found you deciding what classes you should take for the semester. His heart felt heavy with the weight of the question he was about to ask you. He didn’t know whether you would like it or not and the mere thought of you being angry at him, scared him to the core.

“What do you mean I have to quit school?” Your smiley exterior was immediately replaced with a serious frown. Taeyong hated having to explain himself. But he needed you understand where he’s coming from.

“Y/N, we’re in a serious relationship now. Being Doyoung’s sister was already a risk for you. What more if the rivals find out that we’re together? You will be put into a much greater risk than you already are.” He explained.

You were tired of this. Tired of being treated like a baby. Tired of always missing out trips and fun things with your friends. You never blamed Doyoung for taking this work and you will never blame Taeyong. However, if he can’t find it in himself to protect you - with the skill and power he possess - then, he shouldn’t have bothered you at all. Education was seriously important to you. You worked your way to get accepted in a university with a low acceptance rate. You were on top of the class and never missed one lecture from any professor. That was how serious you took your education; it was something no one could take away from you.

“I’m not quitting university.” You stated with finality. You saw Taeyong’s face become frustrated but you didn’t care.

He rubbed his face with his hands before talking again. “Y/N. I care so much for you. I know how much this will affect you. But, I can’t risk your safety.”

You weren’t accepting any excuse. He could take away your liberty of having fun outside this mansion but no one could take your liberty of finishing college. You felt so conflicted that you wanted to cry. You love Taeyong. You want to be with him until you die. He made you feel things you didn’t believe in before. He made you feel wanted and beautiful. But, you also had dreams; dreams that you established for yourself way before you met him.

--

The semester starts within a week and you needed to go back to the city to fix some stuff before classes start. Your building management already informed you that it was now safe to move back. The conversation that you and Taeyong had a couple nights prior was still unsettled. He took it as a sign that you were okay with his idea but the sight of your boxes and bags packed and ready to go told him otherwise.

“Where are you going?” He started.

“I need to go back to the city to fix some stuff before school.” You replied. “I’ll just get these things settled and I’ll go back here later tonight.”

“Didn’t we discuss this already?” His brows furrowed. Yangyang, who was helping you pack, grew nervous about Taeyon’s demeanor so he excused himself out.

“Yeah, we did.” You stated. “I’m not quitting university. I can come back here every weekend-”

“You really don’t listen, do you?” He cut you off. “I’m doing this to protect you. I love you, Y/N. I know this is a huge decision for you but I expected you to understand.”

“I love you too.” You responded, making relief come to his nerves. But, that didn’t last long. With tears in your eyes, you begged for him to let you go. “I’m not leaving university. I have dreams, goals that I want to achieve. If you love me, you would let me have that.”

“If you love me, you would stay here and keep yourself from harm. I can’t lose you, you know that.” Frustration was evident in his voice. You were scared to see where this is going but you stood your ground.

“I don’t think you love me enough to take the risk.” You started, surprisingly calm despite the rage of emotions inside you. “and I don’t think I love you enough to scratch my future for you.”

You turned around from him, and head outside to go to the city.

The following nights you expected him to call. You called yourself dumb for even thinking that. He was a mafia boss; he had a huge ego and pride. You missed the way his skin felt against yours. You missed him and slowly, you started to think that maybe this was bad idea. The urge to call him first and tell him you wanted to go home to him was overpowering you. You reached for your phone and you noticed an email notification from one of the renowned companies in your field, offering you an internship.

You hoped someone would magically whisper what to do. Taeyong gave you a summer to remember. Within just a few months, he gave you a dreamy love story. You lived like you were on a dream.

That’s the problem with falling in love with dream boys. Sooner or later, you have to wake up.

a/n: hey! this is my first time writing a smut scene so pls be kind hehe i actually dont know if i’ll keep this fic up since im kinda lowkey not happy with it. idk lemme know what u think hehe 

[narika-a]

Misunderstanding

[Part 1] [Part 2] [Part 3] [Part 4]

Oh Sehun x Spy!Reader

Summary: You have been working as a spy your whole life but you never expected to be the one spied on.

Genre: Mafia AU

Word Count: 2,781

You looked around for the last time before crossing the street. It was getting late and you didn’t have much time as it is. It took you the rest of the day to get back to the city but what’s more you’re freezing cold! You could feel your cheeks burning, not the most ideal time of the year to go for a swim. You finally reached the house Yixing was stationed at. Not wanting to draw any attention, in case they knew about this place you decided to go through the back door. You jumped over the fence and moved away the plant under which he kept the spare key.

“Yixing?” you shouted as you walked in. The house was completely empty and there was no trace of anyone ever being here. “Where the fuck is he?” you thought strolling around. The house was actually almost empty, all of the extra things you left were still here. Except for another suit, or a change of clothes in general. The one thing you need right now. You slammed the closet door in frustration. Yixing could have at least left you a shirt or something. It seems the universe started working against you ever since Sehun noticed you on that roof. Well there is not much you can do now, except wait for tomorrow morning. You have no equipment, no gun and you still didn’t get back that damn phone. You will have to contact HQ as soon as you wake up, which actually scared you the most.

You slowly took off your still drenched suit and threw it on the chair. Somehow you felt so tired and exhausted, maybe it’s just the after effects of all the things that happened in the span of 48 hours but the coldness of the room was not helping. You hoped Yixing won’t mind you sleeping in his bed naked when he comes back. If he comes back that is. It’s highly unlikely he went looking for you as that is not his area of expertise and he also knew where you were going, but he could have at least waited for a while before going back to HQ. At least you assumed he went back there, since this place was kind of compromised, or you wished he did but deep in your mind, you didn’t rule out the possibility that it was actually him who walked into the room while you were still bound to that chair. Why else would that man want to take you with him?

“You’re so stupid, of course it’s not him,” you said out loud and rolled to the other side. Might as well get some sleep before you clean up your own mess.

7 DAYS LEFT

▲▼▲▼▲

Sehun’s POV

I started whistling as I watched Junmyeon pace back and forth across the room. We have been at this for ours and honestly, I was getting bored.

“Stop it,” Minseok said through gritted teeth. “You think this is a game?”

Well it most definitely is for me but I opted to stay quiet. Minseok is scarier than Junmyeon when he’s angry.

“You let her go two times now!! What the heck is your problem?” he continued.

“I’m sorry Junmyeon, Suho, leader, boss, however you want us to call you but why is he the only one here?” I interrupted.

“Because he’s right,” Junmyeon finally started speaking. “At this point I’m not so sure if I can trust you. Are you secretly working for them? Do you have some kind of deal with her?”

“Ah not at all. Actually, I’m just interested in her,” I replied.

“Interested?!” Minseok shouted. “How? Like a play thing? Rival? Lover?”

“Why not all of them?”

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Minseok stood up and came up to me before Junmyeon stopped him.

“Look, this is no laughing matter. It seems they were on to us as it is but now by sending her over, they kind of made the first move. You can’t just tell me you will clean up the mess while all you’re doing is making it worse-“

He was talking about all this important stuff but somehow my mind drifted off. I glanced at my wrist watch. She should be back in the city by now. Now that I think about it, she went out completely drenched, it won’t be good if she gets sick and can’t attend our date.

“Hey! Are you even listening to me?” Junmyeon snapped his fingers in front of my face.

“Umm wha?”

“Okay that’s it. You’re on your own,” Minseok said, dramatically exiting the room. I was always good at making him lose his patience.

“Sehun, can you take this seriously for one second? There haven’t been any problems with you before but ever since she showed up on that building…” Junmyeon sighed. “It’s like she has you on some kind of spell.”

Never thought about it this way. But I finally got the opportunity to talk to her and damn right I’m getting excited.

“If you endanger yourself, then a weak spot opens up in the whole group. I’m asking you one last time, could you sort this out without revealing everything to her? It’s not our problem what they’re doing with their people. Remember, right now they have much more power than us and at least for now I would like to avoid any trouble with them. So can you do this for us? For me?”

I swear to god, he knows how to choose the best words to get us moving. I had no choice but to agree. For now that is. I already set everything up, too late to cancel.

“So?” he asked one more time and I just nodded. “Good. Then you’re dismissed.”

▲▼▲▼▲

The next morning you woke up with a headache and your body aching all over. But that actually wasn’t the reason why you woke up. You got startled by loud banging on the front door. You rolled out of the bed falling on the floor with a thud. You groaned in pain but just as you were about to stand up you noticed a gun attached to the mattress under the bed. So he did leave something for you. You ripped it out and promptly stood up, taking a few step backs from the dizziness caused by the quick movement. By the time you collected yourself, the banging had already stopped. You slowly approached the door. On the count to three you kicked them open, pointing your gun to whoever was waiting for you outside. But you were only greeted by an early morning breeze, which reminded you that you were only in your underwear. You looked down and noticed a box by your doorstep. You picked it up and looking around for the last time headed back inside.

You placed the box in the middle of the room, thinking if you should open it. No one should know this address so whoever sent you this must be important. You have no idea what’s inside and who it is from. It could be a trap. A bomb? Tracker?

You decided to take the risk and check it out. You crouched down in front of it and setting your gun aside, opened it. There was a smaller white box inside, neatly wrapped in ribbon. You untangled it and took the cover off; a note fell out as soon as you lifted it.

Millennium Hotel 9 pm, tonight. Don’t be late or I will come get you myself.

You crumpled the paper and grunted in frustration. You took out the soft fabric from the box and upon closer inspection realized it was a red evening dress. It had a v-neckline, an open back and a split starting from the thigh. It’s so revealing, no way are you going dressed up in that! Wait. No way are you going at all! What’s gotten into you? You should contact the HQ.

At that moment you heard a phone ringing in the distance. You followed the sound to the bathroom. “Why the heck would you hide it here, Yixing?” you thought taking the toilet lid off.

“Hello?” you answered.

“You should go,” the voice at the other end told you before hanging up. Well there is no need to contact them anymore.

▲▼▲▼▲

“Miss Y/N?” somebody spoke behind you, as soon as you exited the house in the evening. You quickly spun around and slammed the man into the car parked nearby.

“Who are you?” you shouted, twisting his arm.

“Miss, please calm down. I’m just a driver,” the man begged, so you let him go. He turned around to face you. “Oh no, why are you still not ready?”

“What do you mean?”

“I’m afraid, you can’t go dressed like this,” he said, gesturing at your suit. “I must insist that you wear the dress or else he will kill me.”

You pinched the bridge of your nose.

“Ugh fine,” you said, going back inside.

“Oh and miss, please hurry up! I don’t want to die if I get you there late.”

It seems it always ends up how he wants it to be. You picked up the box. You hadn’t noticed before but besides the dress there were also high heels and jewellery inside. He really thought about everything. You slipped on the dress. It was so well fitted you couldn’t even hide a gun underneath it. You sighed. Well no going back now. You will come up with something. You always do.

▲▼▲▼▲

You thanked the driver as he opened the door for you. “He couldn’t pick even more obvious place than this?” you thought as you rolled your eyes at the luxury. You slowly made your way to the entrance. The dress seriously restricted your movements, one more advantage for him. You noticed a man leaning on the door but he immediately stood up straight when he saw you.

“Well well well,” Sehun said when you finally approached him. “I actually didn’t think it will be this easy,” he laughed.

“Oh please, I just felt sorry for the poor driver you threatened.”

“You left me no other choice,” he said. You two started at each other for a while before his eyes travelled down to check you out.

“I must say, you look-“

“Don’t,” you tried to stop him.

“Sexy,” he finished. “You should wear outfits like this more often,” he smirked, linking his arms with you. “I assume you don’t have any other weapons besides the knife between your legs.”

You tried not to look surprised that he noticed. He took you inside and turned right in the direction of the restaurant. You glanced around and noticed only one bodyguard at each of the door.

“Don’t worry. I made sure we could have as much privacy as we can. That’s why I rented the place out,” Sehun said, sitting you down at the table.

“How nice of you,” you mocked.

“You see, I kind of promised to certain someone, so I shouldn’t even be here,” he spoke, picking up a bottle from the ice bucket and filling the glasses.

“Yet here you are.”

“The things I do for you…”

“Lets get to the point. Why are we really here?” you asked, taking the glass from him.

“I promised you a real date, haven’t I?” he smirked. “Can’t you relax for a bit?”

“Not around someone like you.”

He narrowed his eyes and then chugged the drink in one go.

“Well I wish I could tell you but your beauty is distracting me,” he chuckled. Such simple words but they somehow got your heart racing.

“Just say it, you dumbass,” you commanded averting your eyes from him. He took out a folder and slid it over to your side of the table.

“What’s this?” you questioned but he remained silent. You opened the first page. There were the same documents you saw in his office that night. This doesn’t make any sense. Why would he show you something that is marked confidential?

“Watch out!!” somebody shouted as Sehun tackled you to the floor, knocking over the table as it started raining bullets from every direction.

“What the fuck!” you shouted, taking you knife out of its holder. “I thought you said we will have privacy?” you jumped onto him and set your knife against his throat.

“Y/N, baby, calm down. This is a misunderstanding.”

“Misunderstanding?!” you shouted as a bullet flew right past you, you pressed your body closer to him and he used this opportunity to knock the knife out of your hands. You watched it slide across the floor. Shit. You crawled to take cover behind a wall, Sehun following. You peeked out to try and get a better look but there were so many of them, you counted at least twenty, that they started firing again as soon as they saw you.

“Fuck,” you hissed. You glanced back at him and your eyes stopped on the gun hidden behind his jacket. It seems he was thinking the exact same thing but you were the first to grab it. “You have three seconds to explain yourself,” you said, pointing it at him.

“They’re not my men!” he quickly answered.

“What?”

“You should look more closely,” you turned your head to the side. He was right. The bodyguards you saw earlier were lying on the floor in a pool of their own blood. Then who the fuck is shooting at you? You focused your eyes on the man approaching. No. It can’t be.

You felt the gun slip out of your hand as Sehun caught it. He pushed you into the wall. Holding the gun close to your chest.

“Say Y/N,” he breathed out, his face so close you felt his breath on your skin. “Have you ever killed someone before?” There it was. He had that look again. The one you saw on the roof. The one who just screamed danger. The one who made you feel scared.

You gulped. It was probably pretty obvious that you haven’t. After all that’s not your job. You’re a spy. Not an assassin. You gather information, for god’s sake!

“I was hoping you will be my first,” you whispered, trying to hide your shaking voice.

“Then let me take care of this,” he grinned, pointing the gun to the side and firing it at the man who came up to you two. You watched the lifeless body fall to the ground. From this distance, you couldn’t mistake it. He really did have the ‘Anexis’ logo on him.

“I don’t understand. I still have time!” you stuttered.

“I’m more surprised they haven’t killed you already,” Sehun mumbled, standing you up. “Can you walk? We need to get out of here.”

You quickly took off the high heels and nodded.

“This way,” he shouted, firing a few more shots, to create an opening for you to get to the back door. You ran out into the alley behind the building and he quickly blocked the door with some trash bins.

“This won’t hold them for long. Let’s go!” Sehun yelled. You had no choice but to follow him as you heard shouts coming from the opposite side of the door. You were running for good ten minutes when he suddenly grabbed you by the hand and pulled you inside another alley. He pressed your body to his, hiding behind the dumpsters.

“What the fuck are you doing?” you started but he quickly covered your mouth with his hand, gesturing with his head to the men who just ran by.

“I saw them going in this direction. They can’t be far!” they shouted to each other.

You stayed silent for a few more minutes, in case they decided to come back.

“I think they’re gone,” Sehun whispered, removing his hand but still not letting you go. Not that you were complaining in these circumstances, it was freezing outside, and you were barefoot no less, while his body radiated nothing but warmth.

He put his hands on your cheeks and then one of it on your forehead.

“Man you’re so hot!” he blurted out but then realized what he just said. “Well I mean this applies to you both ways but are you feeling okay? You’re so red.”

“I’m fine,” you said, smacking his hand away and standing up. You tugged his arm up and looked at his wrist watch. It was already past 12. “Where to now?” you asked.

“I have a good place we could hide,” he told you, taking your hand despite your protests. “Come with me.”

6 DAYS LEFT

A/N: I know I should have posted that NCT mafia au before this but I don’t yet quite feel done with it. I promise the next time I post a scenario it will be that or the 5th part of this story 😂

[bwicblog]

02-24-2018 [MAFIA: UV+KUA]

CAC RIGHT NOW opened memo on 8oard BWIC MAFIA HIDEOUT.

CURRENT gladsomeGluttony [CGG] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CGG: oh dear

CAC: hahaha.

CAC: you'll do fine, don't worry!

CAC: just kill people creatively, i guess.

CGG: :'V

CGG: im not good at thaaaat

CGG: wheres the other one??

CAC: don't worry, i've got your back.

CGG: thank you :'O

CAC: tomie is a coldblooded killer. i totally watched him rip off someone's head once.

CGG: whaaaaaaaat

CAC: he's totally going to, like, have this down pat.

CAC: for real. just like, wow.

CAC: totally feral.

CAC: scared me half witless.

CGG: seriously??

CAC: i still have daymares, it's terrible.

CAC: yes!

CAC: i was emotionally traumatised, not even going to lie to you.

CGG: or are you only saying this because you kind of like him ;O

CGG: im not even sure if thats just a rumor, pfffff

CCC made BD an OP.

CGG: so you /do/ like hi-

CCC took away BD's OP powers.

CURRENT bubblegumDiva [CBD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CBD: hiii

CGG: heyyyyy ;V

CAC: ha!

CAC: there we go.

CAC: tell me who you're killing.

CGG: i thought tomie was coming?

CGG: ..but im not sure! bd, who do you want to cull?

CAC: no, tomie can go fuck himself with something prickly.

CAC: he had his chance, and now it is gone.

CGG: oh dear.

CBD: hmmmm

CBD: i dont know

CBD: why don't you pick

CGG: :V

CGG: i think im picking tomie so kua and him can /stop flooding the chat/

CBD: yes i agree

CAC: hahaha.

CAC: okay, give me a death method.

CAC: or, man, you know, you could totally -

CAC: nope.

CAC: can't offer tips.

CAC: zipping my lips.

CGG: what? :O

CGG: nooo, tell us!

CAC: nope!

CAC: tell me how to kill him so i can write this up.

CBD: stuff him in a canon ball

CGG: yes!! perfect

CBD: and launch him into the cold vaccumous depths of space

CGG: ..in a cannon or in a ball?

CBD: vacuumous

CGG: wooooow bd

CBD: cannon

CGG: thats so mean!

CBD: look 

CGG: ...kuaaa

CBD: he's talking about helm kink

CGG: can you make a pun on shooting for the stars about it?

CAC: oh man.

CAC: i don't know if my translator will work with that.

CGG: awwwww

CAC: but let's do it!

CBD ceased responding to memo.

CAC: spit out who we're murdering today, kids.

CGG: iiii would like to cull someone who gets along with tomie?

CGG: so hes not lonely in the other chat :V

CURRENT bubblegumDiva [CBD] RIGHT NOW responded to memo.

CBD: why?

CBD: omg

CGG: being alone in there sucks! >:V

CBD: he and wc seemed to get along

CBD: but uhhh

CGG: i dont thiiiink shes playing?

CBD: she's not in the game!

CGG: aw :(

CBD: and im not sure he gets along with most the others

CGG: deeefinitely not vadaya, he seemed pretty mad at him

CBD: vadaya and him seem to be 

CBD: acquaintences?

CGG: ...

CGG: he just ordered him around!

CBD: yes but they have a mutual friend

CGG: okayyy

CGG: then lets cull him!

CGG: but no drowning! thats so /mean/ >:V

CBD: he's been drowned an awful lot

CBD: and has gill slits cut, and all sorts of awful things

CGG: hoooonestly

CGG: poor vadaya!

CAC: uhh. well, i'm going to put this out here:

CAC: why don't you, say, kill off id, instead?

CAC: because i heard tomie and id get along pretty great.

CGG: why? :O

CAC: the red one, not the pink one.

CGG: ohhhh

CAC: i bet he'll really appreciate his presence in limbo!

CGG: thats hadean, kua >:V

CAC: like, way more than vadaya.

CAC: oh, shit, so it is.

CGG: were killing vadaya!

CAC: yes, hadean's friends with basically everyone.

CAC: are you sure you want to kill vadaya?

CGG: >:V

CBD: yes 

CAC: i'm just saying, you could totally kill hadean, and make tomie's entire night.

CGG: are you talking to tomie in the limbo chat?

CBD: hadean's a wild card 

CAC: absolutely not.

CBD: vadaya plays like he knows what he's doing

CAC: why would i be talking to tomie in the limbo chat?

CBD: we should definitely take out the one who knows what he's doing first

CGG: because you like him, and you dont want vadaya in there to keep you from flirting! ;O

CBD: for game things

CGG: ...and also that°!

CBD: .... lol

CGG: leeets cull him with sleeping pills

CBD: poison. okay!

CBD: just stir it intoooo

CBD: coffee. 

CGG: coooffee? 

CBD: he seems like a coffee kind of person

CGG: perfect! he seems like he needs it ;O

CGG: pfffffffffffff

CGG: who were you again?

CBD: me?

CBD: oh i'm gertie

CGG: hi gertie! im matcha ;V

CBD: i suppose i don't get a lot of introductions when i'm busy running the game

CGG: pffff

CGG: thats a pity! youre really nice

CBD: aww thanks!

CCC made BD an OP.

CBD: oops

CBD: dang it

CCC took away BD's OP powers.

CAC: okay, okay, let me write everything up.

CGG: KUA!!

CBD: ....

CGG: you have to type what we tell you! >:V

CAC: =:V

CAC: i am helping, dude.

CGG: i cant believe you!!

CBD: this is a blatant disregard

CAC: you, like.

CGG: youre helping yourself and no one else!

CAC: made a shitty choice, and i decided to fix it.

CAC: you will thank me in the long run.

CAC: trust me!

CGG: you cant do that°!

CAC: i am only looking out for your totally best interests here.

CAC: aww.

CAC: i thought i was in charge of the game, and making sure everyone has fun?

CGG: youre putting your fling over the game here! >:V

CAC: nooo, i am just making sure that tomie and i can still have fun, and so will you guys.

CAC: duh.

CGG: being told what to do isnt fun, i go to work for that!

CAC: do you know how much it sucks that vadaya pops out of the bushes every time we try to flirt is?

CAC: because it totally sucks.

CBD: its called get a pm

CAC: god, no, he's hooked in.

CAC: they're probably reading every pm he does.

CAC: do you think i want technichians reading my messages/

CAC: uh, no.

CAC: that'd be super gross.

CAC: i'm not an exhibitionist, here.

CBD: but he can't do that with the _memos_

CAC: absolutely not.

CAC: who wants to read you guys chatter?

CGG: i thiiiink theyre probably reading this too?

CGG: i would, if i was a helmstech!

CAC: wow, matcha.

CAC: way to be nosy.

CGG: ...

CGG: i would just be doing my job! >:V

CAC: okay, but, wow, guess i'm leaving, since bd is banning me from everything.

CAC: jerks.

CAC: =:'V

CBD: byeee

CGG: whaaaaaat

CBD: sorry!

CGG: oh noooo

CBD: but you broke the rules

CGG: :'V

CBD: you're just banned from hosting!

CBD: you can still play

CAC: no, no, that's fine.

CAC: .. i might play, i'm not sure. hmm.

CAC: we'll see!

[katalinhalmai]

Gulyás demokrácia

Richard Visser, az utrechti egyetem nemzetközi kapcsolatok szakának végzős diákja “Gulyás demokrácia” címmel értekezést írt a magyarországi demokrácia 1989-2014 közötti fejlődéséről. Már a tézis következtetéseit fogalmazta, amikor eljutott hozzá a Népszabadság bezárásának a híre. Gyorsan írt hát egy rövid fejezetet a magyarországi sajtószabadság helyzetéről. Itt, Európában talált rám, és interjút kért. Diplomamunkája mellékletében publikálta beszélgetésünk teljes szövegét. 

Richard Visser [RV]: Take me back to the day Népszabadság was shut down. How did you hear about it? What was your first reaction?

Katalin Halmai [KH]: I was having breakfast while I was listening to the news on Klubrádió when I heard something about my newspaper and they said a press release was put out on the website. It said the newspaper got suspended and that they were working on long term solutions. Mail addresses of employees were blocked too. Then I called my colleagues and they too told me that they heard it through the radio. All this happened on a Saturday, the day before they were supposed to move to a different building. Staff were no longer allowed to enter the building that day. They had put all their stuff into boxes as they left on Friday evening, because they were preparing to move to another building. People were shocked, upset, angry. First, I didn't understand what was going on. But after two or three hours I realised Népszabadság was gone. It was a shameful lie. We were not moving to another building and they never were going to relaunch the newspaper.

RV: The press statement says that financial problems played a key role in the shutting down of the newspaper. What is your response to this?

KH: We had been hearing rumours for quite a long time that Mediaworks would be sold to people who are close to the Fidesz party. However, there were no talks about shutting down the newspaper. Nobody told us that the plan was to close the paper. I have no evidence, but based on rumours there could be multiple reasons why the newspaper was shut down. Mediaworks owned the sports daily that PM Orbán liked, and the company bought 12 of the 18 regional newspapers last summer. Another reason could be that as a condition for the purchase to happen, Mediaworks first needed to get rid of Népszabadság.

Yes, circulations went down the last couple of years but Népszabadság was not the only newspaper facing this problem. Also, the drop of newspaper circulations had stopped during the last quarter. Plus, many investigative stories that we wrote were shared by many other media, some of which were shared by right wing media. Ultimately, I think the press statement contained a false reason.

RV: Could you describe what has happened to the journalists working for Népszabadság since it closed down?

KH: The trickiest thing about the situation is that all of us are suspended, so technically we're not without jobs. Because, of course, Mediaworks said they were planning on relaunching the newspaper. That meant that many of the staff couldn't look for new jobs, couldn't publish, and couldn't use the Népszabadság title. For the last couple of weeks, many of the staff have resigned and some of us now have new jobs but it's very difficult. Apolitical photographers find jobs easier than political commentators do, but that is of course due to the special situation Hungarian press freedom finds itself in.

RV: How did other Hungarian media react to the closure of Népszabadság? Has there been any public outrage?

KH: Some media showed solidarity. Some pro-government newspapers obviously didn't, but even some right-wing newspapers were with us. The general public largely didn’t care. There were 3 demonstrations to express solidarity, the first one on Saturday evening, but with no more than five or six thousand people. For a city the size of Budapest, that should have been a larger crowd, but we thank the ones who showed their support anyway. The biggest sign of support that came out of it, was that the Népszabadság Facebook page got more than 50.000 likes. Maybe it's apathy, I really don’t know. Maybe they simply don’t care.

Press freedom and democracy

RV: How would you describe the current state of press freedom in Hungary? Is the current state of press freedom in Hungary comparable to the situation in Turkey or Russia?

KH: Looking back today, press was free during the 1990s. But maybe that's psychological. Many newspapers came out to the market. Political dailies too. However, those days are gone now. I think a comparison with Russia or Turkey now would still be too harsh and I don't think we'll ever get there. We're still EU members, have some form of democracy and we're not being harassed like journalists are in Turkey or Russia. But press freedom is under serious attack from the government and its share in the media market is growing.

RV: Recently, some critics have been describing Hungary as an illiberal democracy. What's your take on this?

KH: It's up to political scientists to define that, but Hungary is definitely distancing itself from real democracy. We have free elections, some functioning institutions and some civil society, but the grab of the government on all of these things, in particular the media, is increasing.

RV: Former Minister of Education, Bálint Magyar, has made some very critical statements about the current government and has called Hungary a mafia state in his recently published book. Do you agree with that classification?

KH: His book was right on many things, but he is also a political enemy of Orbán so he can't be completely objective. But it is a mafia state. I think it's a regime whose main purpose is to steal everything they can get their hands on. To get as much money as they can. All the other things, like political ideology are merely covers.

RV: How do you foresee the future of press freedom in Hungary? And other civil liberties in that respect?

KH: It's a bad outlook in general. The 2018 parliamentary elections are going to be very important, but I don't see any change coming. The political opposition is too divided, still. We will see more examples like Népszabadság before the 2018 elections. Hostile media takeovers are still happening after the closure of Népszabadság and attacks against the civil society will go on. Other media will fall prey to the government as well. They either destroy media or buy them. Last week, FIGYELŐ, a quality business weekly, was purchased by a former advisor of Orbán. I believe press freedom will continue to deteriorate.

There is the risk of spill-over effects too. The government of Poland is adopting a lot of policies that the Hungarian government has made over recent years. Last week, I was talking with my Polish colleagues; [jokingly] I can already give them some scoops about what is going to happen in their country these coming months.