#but it also applies to anyone who is weird abt them period

[hereforamediocretimenotalongtime]

its joever for me

----

mostly drew this because people were shitting on them because theyre old.......some of yall are weak as hell and i hope this art finds its way to yall

[in-tua-deep]

I sent an ask like this before but I think tumblr ate it so I guess I’m sending it again. I love your tog/tua crossover! It was the post that made me watch the old guard and I’m v happy abt that. I was thinking about Booker ‘I have trauma about my kids growing old and dying’ Le Livre and I can’t help but think he’d go full dad mode on Five at all times. Five gets the father he deserves and Booker gets an undying child. Everyone wins.

oof yeah it would be... complicated to say the LEAST

I’m not sure Booker would be ready in any sense of the word to be a father again, and having an immortal child would be,, really painful honestly, especially when he had to watch his children grow old and die and now there’s this child who gets to live and it’s not fair

and Booker is... a normal father, for lack of a better word. He loved his children. He told them stories and swung them into his arms and pressed kisses against their rosy little cheeks, he held them when they cried and joined in with the laughter, and he loved them

and so he looks at this - this child, because Five is thirteen and he doesn’t deserve this

but Five is not familiar with the idea of a normal father. His father was cruel, was very forthright in the fact that he did not care about the children as human beings. It’s laughable to think that Reginald Hargreeves would ever tell them stories, would ever hold them or kiss their cheeks or laugh with them. Reginald Hargreeves avoided even touching them. A father to Five is monumentally different than what a father is to Booker

they bright side is that if Booker ever acts fatherly, Five doesn’t clock it as fatherly. He might accuse Booker of mothering him? But honestly Booker probably is like “we can’t let Five do X dangerous thing, he’s baby” which,, Grace helped the kids get ready for their missions, she never tried to protect them from their ‘work’

and some of the things are so far outside of Five’s frame of reference that he just assumes they’re an Old Guard thing or something, like when Five gets a smear of dirt on his cheek and Booker automatically grabs a handkerchief to scrub it off

(I can claim this because Five has such non reactions to the same thing in the s2 gifs I have seen that I can only say he’s just like ??? the whole time and just chooses not to address it, especially bc it happens both with a family member AND an enemy and he doesn’t react either time)

To be fair, they all baby Five to an extent, but it looks different for each of them

Andy doesn’t know what to do with a child? She hasn’t really,, been around children for extended periods of time honestly, she’s used to saving kids and is honestly pretty good at awkwardly talking Five through panic attacks. But she’s kind of tough love, and would probably cheer Five up by giving him weapons and letting him blow stuff up tbh

Nicky and Joe are kind of like fun uncles? they tease Five a lot, and he can’t even argue with them because they’re both like 900 years older than him but also they are very emotional and touchy and they like to ruffle his hair and lean on him and give him hugs that pick him up and swing him around. It’s weird and he isn’t sure if he likes it, but it’s kind of nice to be included?? They never had kids so they’re kind of indulgent with him tbh, kids like taking down horrific time based organizations as a pass time right?

Booker is awkward because he is a father and so he does things like ruffle Five’s hair on autopilot or pile more food on Five’s plate or anything, and he freezes because - it’s something he did with his own kids, and,,,,, he might get more than a little emotional about it. which weirds Five out. Booker is definitely one of the more protective of them though and dislikes putting Five in the line of fire

Nile has Big Sister energy, despite being younger than literally anyone else in this au technically considering that the umbrella academy are 3 years older than her. She has what is vastly lacking: emotional maturity. She sort of adopts Five as a kid brother, which makes her nostalgic for her own brother but also Five is so different it’s not a big issue, but Nile used to babysit for money as well and knows how to handle difficult kids and just applies that to Five

(and it actually works more often than not, five is not immune to Nile’s impeccable logic - mainly because Nile doesn’t order Five she lays out her reasoning in a way that he can’t even argue with)

booker has issues, he has a LOT of issues especially regarding kids and stepping into a fatherly role that I’m not sure he would comfortable with for a long time... but he has a lot of time to wrestle with those issues and eventually step into a more parental role since they have... literally hundreds of years together in the future lmao

five has to learn to actually be a child and not just a child soldier, which isn’t exactly easy considering he’s now going to part of the immortal ‘army’ 

honestly i think a good healing part of this au is just... the og squad learning that surviving isn’t the same as living, and even though they still have to be careful about their footprints even with Copley erasing them... I think they have a lot to learn about living

and having normal human ‘sponsors’ to help out... well I mean - the Hargreeves are super wealthy now that their dad kicked the bucket and are probably very willing to go on camping trips or go to Disney World or drag the squad paintballing. When was the last time the og squad just had fun? no worrying about missions and saving people or saving each other, just pure silly nonsense fun

and the Hargreeves are learning to have fun for the first time as well, even if it means Klaus aggressively putting Mickey Mouse ears on everyone and Diego cheating at paintball and Nile teaming up with Allison to get everyone to go to various plays and musicals

the Hargreeves aren’t immortal but they also aren’t helpless either, and I could see them tagging along on any cool missions for a while. Especially Diego, tbh, with his discount batman schtick he has going on

(honestly if anyone would remind Booker of his kids, it would... probably be Klaus? His children were adults when they died, and he saw them dying, and Klaus is skinny as a rail and sickly looking and probably has health issues thanks to the extended drug use and withdrawal going on

so consider: Booker telling Klaus to sit down and let him cook, get some soup in that boy he’s way too skinny, booker is FRENCH he WILL cook for this beanpole. His mama’s stew could knock the plague right out of a person, probably. 

Booker: that is far too heavy for you let me take it

Klaus: oh! no dude it’s fine - 

Booker: sit down !! you look like a strong breeze could knock you over. I will bring you some soup.

Klaus: I’m fine !! Don’t worry about me - 

Diego: don’t listen to him!! he absolutely needs minding 24/7 or he WILL find a way to get hurt

Booker: !! are you hurting right now? Sit down! Honestly -devolves into muttered french curses as he bustles off to the kitchen-)

but yes there you go the og squad and umbella academy combine into the ULTIMATE FAMILY due to shared custody of Five for the duration of the academy’s lives

[mychemicalaromanticism]

things ive already established r on this post

besties this got so fucking long but heres a giant ramble about cherri

okay so. there are huge differences betwn cherri as a hyperviolent drac hunter and cherri as a friend of the four and cherri as the girls mentor. with the first one he was 17 and desperate to distance himself from his upbringing so he went all in on Being A Killjoy. he was always one of the first ppl to rush into a fight and he fought hard. he blew up his fuckin hand with that attitude. and all the while he was just racking up more unaddressed trauma and eventually he ran away from that, too. giving himself radiation poisoning was more appealing than facing his problems.

so as a teenager/young adult hes kind of constantly in a panicked state. hes scared the people from his past are going to find him and drag him back with them. so he lashes out and he runs away over and over again.

i said in another post that he has some past life shit goin on which usually would give him a connection to the witch that manifests early in life, but with all the stuff hes gone through he has been Preoccupied. he can become oblivious to almost anything that doesnt apply to whatever hes focused on. not in a hyperfocus way its likeeeeee. when u live on survival mode during prolonged periods of stress. hes immune to magic bullshit bc hes too tired and scared.

anyways around his mid-20s he finally has a little more stability (as much as the average person living in the zones can have, that is) and he finally notices that Weird Stuff happens around him. basically: out of my list of Powers People Connected To The Witch Have he has the prophetic dreams/enhanced intuition as well as a form of sensing ghosts where he can see auras and kind of like, echoes of past events in ppls lives. that look like auras. itz complicated and not of utmost importance so im leaving it at that.

anyways thats what makes him start writing poetry. just 4 funsies he'll describe his weird experiences and embellish them to make em pretty. just as a casual hobby n all that.

he would forget fun ghoul in between the times they ran into each other but its pretty easy to be reminded of who fun ghoul is. the most insane 10 year old cherri has ever met. cherri isnt a brother figure to ghoul. hes just. his friend that happens to be more than twice his age. its whatever lmao

to cherri, ghoul is kinda like a stray animal he keeps seeing. which is hilarious. ghoul actually goes and finds him to introduce him to jet when they start running together, and cherri meets party and kobra (spark and birdie at the time) when he drives the four of them to a party. because he has a truck hell yeah. so now instead of one stray animal he has, like, a feral cat colony that he drives around occasionally. i have no real-life human relationship equivalent to them because irl if some guy that is not related to any of you and isnt even a childhood or family friend and theyre hanging out with you? they are usually not a safe person lmao. but this is my fantasy land and im too stubborn to change anyones birth years even though ghoul being born in 2004 makes everything really hard to make not creepy.

so yeah hes a casual somewhat friend of the fab four. hed probably get more and more concerned as they got famous. the beginnings of any sort of protective feelings, awww :) that sets him up for becoming the girls mentor.

OH FUCK. THE GIRL..... i think if i was in my late 20s and i heard that the gang of 13-17 year olds had adopted a 5 year old kid i would go bananas. what the fuck. it is a LONG while before cherri meets her. but he has the strongest affection for ghoul (if you could even call it that) and ghoul absolutely adores the girl and swings her around under her arms like a cat to show her off to cherri and its very endearing and the girl is sweet and funny so its easy to be around her. and (unfortunately) she is somewhat used to interacting with weird easily agitated people so she kinda gives him space. cherri isnt quite the uncle figure the fandom usually makes him (i luv uncle cherri sm but he simply cannot exist in the universe ive created, f), but hes a little similar.

and then the four had to go and pretend to die. lol.

when the girl was kidnapped, fucking everyone who knew her was ready to storm the city then and there. like regardless of how little you knew her, if you had ever met her you would fucking die for her. she is pure childish charisma and shes precious. i love the girl. so cherris immediately on board with whatever plan the four make to get her back. ive already talked abt how it fucked up the girl tho; there was no way to tell her that the four werent actually dead, she sees the building collapse and she shuts down. and cherri has to fight against his instinct to leave the radio station and never come back when he sees an eight year old girl sitting dissociated on the couch. that fucks everyone up.

i just realized i havent talked about literally anyone else at the radio station. i think cherri started lingering around the station bc it was safe and sheltered while also not being a popular spot. there are less kids there (people pass through but its not a hangout spot). he was kind of just hanging around to get away from the heat and noise and dr d took notice. because that man can see ur soul and no one knows if thats literal or not. so theyd chat a few times a day and show pony was the one 2 get him out of his shell a little and also was the first one he mentioned his poetry hobby to. im making this all up right now as im writing bc i dont know anything about LITERALLY any of the ppl associated w the radio like im not even going 2 try with chimp n newsie i do not have the willpower to tackle all that. justttt. cherri pony n D become bros and live 2gether there.

back 2 the regular timeline. the rescue mission happens in 2019. the girl lives at the station until 2023. during that time she is very much depressed and withdrawn and is only happy when the four come to visit. none of the Adults know how to help her so they just keep her safe and cared for and hope she'll open up to them.

she does not. she takes the weird cat thats been hanging around and she runs away.

cherri does not see her for three years. shes still worse for wear in the mental health department and he can see all kinds of visions of what shes been through since the last time he saw her and he fucking hates the ultra vs bc they remind him of his past. he does not want her going down that path but its obvious that she isnt crazy abt the ultraviolence thing either so thats a relief.

they have a kind of tense relationship throughout the comics. he feels like he failed her and that spirals into feeling like he failed the four for not being a good adult to them and fun ghoul for not helping enough when his commune was bombed and all kinds of shit and that irrational thinking mixed with plain old, yknow, caring about the girl, is what makes him take a bullet (laser. whatever) for her.

i was trying to figure out the timing of each of their ghost experiences, but i want both of them to talk to the witch and im just gonna make it like dreams where a whole buncha stuff happens but irl its been like seconds. so its like barely a second while the girl has her Witch Convo and cherri FINALLY gets a straight answer, yes there is weird shit going on with him having powers. he doesnt have any story-significant past lives because im lazy, hes just an old soul. like really fuckin old. the amount of latent life experience and stuff his soul/energy/whatever has picked up along the way makes him VERY noticeable to gods n stuff. he fuckin lights up all the alarms like what the FUCK is that over there. she wasnt rly able to get to him or even properly notice him while he was a kid and a young adult so shes happy to finally see him again. he has a STRONG sense of familiarity with her. they know each other on a wild ass level that he cant really comprehend.

welp thats some more lore I'll have 2 think abt. anywayz

post canon is when he and val get to have the most awkward spiderman meme moment of realizing that they have the same trauma SOOOOO thatz fun lol /s sorry kings i thought it would be fun to give u something fucked up to bond over <3

not much changes in his personality. he has a better understanding of Weird Magic and delights in freaking out the ultra vs but for the most part he returns to his life at the radio station. i love him

THIS GOT SO CRAZY LONG I DID NOT MEAN 2 GO THROUGH EVERY PART OF HIS LIFE LIKE SOME WEIRD CHARACTER STUDY but here we are. this is basically a first draft like almost all of this is subject to change but u gotta start somewhere. so heres my start i love this guy. its probably obvious but i have not read ANY twitterverse killjoys stuff </3 maybe i will someday idk

[thisdreamplace]

Hii. Two people in my family r v self-righteous. They make unreasonable requests, then when those 'requests' arnt met obvii, they get v... You'll see

Many times they do things that exclude the certain person they're 'targeting' and will pretend its the other person (the target) who's acting wrong. Theyll team up and exclude the target, and if you mention this, they get v defensive and together lash out against the speaker, listijg long random details of how the speaker did so and so. And most of it is, frankly, unfair and unreasonable 'reasons'

Ive been the target, and so have others in my family. But these two refuse to get how hurtful and self-righteous their actions are! I say self righteous becaus they literally are convinced they have the 'right' to 'act' this way, as it seems so justified in their eyes. I can't deal with this, esp as it's a sensitice tkpic and in the past id fall into their guilt traps and as a result had near zero esteem + became a pushover at school. I'd think if im not being of use to anyonez or if I say no, it's so wrong and I'm a bad guy who has to suffer for that. Thanks to these Law blogs on tumbler and other things ive learned... That thinking is so victim-y blegh. Good for me, lol

Things in my family, as u can guess, aren't that great, thanks to this weird clique-ish behavjor, and other reasons too. But this reason, it's not only me who's facing this behavior? It's others too? And frankly idec abt this behavior that much coz I'm used to it and i am trying to see it as a challenge to improve my self concept eg realising it shouldn't really matter to me if I'm excluded and they make plans w/o me. Why shd I let myself get hurt? I can use this to realise im the one who can create and besides, I've been working on an assumption in which I'm leaving this place (not much success thereyet, but im spinning this in a positive way, if evrything is neutral!)

Ik why this happens to me - it's evry time I accept my olf assumptions on them acting this way, this creates more of the old story-- but why does it happen to others too? Or how can I make them realise wth they're doing? Theyre only damaging themselves anyway :(

Sorry for being all over the place

And also, I said im working on my self concept, so I found out some major beliefs I had, and while meditating i discovered this random old memory from when I was a child ig which I think is where I started to buy into me being guilty and ashamed of who I am. Ik this stuff is what they call shadow work but still do u know where I can go from here? How do I work with this awful memory? To like put it away forever, coz I thought being aware of it would be enough, but it isnt. Some say forgive urself, and the others in the memory, but idk it doesn't seem to work for me. I don't feel relief. Do u have experience with this? Or do u have a resource u could share with me that deals with this safely?

Ok bye bye luvv u

Hi!

Firstly I want to say I'm sorry this is something you are experiencing. But thanks to the law, you have the power to change it for good.

That being said, I think this is why it's really important to go all in when you come to the law of assumption. It's a lot deeper than just manifesting things. You can't be one foot in, one foot out when it comes to the law. You have to acknowledge all the concepts and learn how to apply them. You're experiencing a lot more grief over this topic, because of how you're not applying "everyone is you pushed out." Taking full responsibility for every aspect of the law, and therefore every aspect of your life, will lead you to the solutions you're seeking.

"but why does it happen to others too? Or how can I make them realise wth they're doing?"

It's not happening to anyone else. It's only happening to you and you're experiencing it happening to "others" because of how you're keeping this reality alive. You don't have to make them realize anything, not by force anyway. All you have to do is go within. There is no one to change but self. Period. There's a really good article that could help you get on the right track with this:

No One To Change But Self

When it comes to that memory, from my experience the best I could ever do is let it be and know how it means nothing anymore. Even if it still hurts. The thing is, self concept work has more to do with building self confidence. And this confidence lies in remembering who you really are: God of your reality. The more you focus on that instead, the pain surrounding the memory will begin to dissolve on it's own. Because you know how anything not aligned with love just simply isn't the truth anymore. I think this following article could be helpful in giving you an idea on how to navigate difficult inner moments.

Self Acceptance

I hope this is helpful! 💖

[shelikesthosefunnypeople]

Pls explain more abt the ancient history thing b I’m very interested

Hello anon!

I know this was sent in months ago and I should have replied to it then but I’m a master procrastinator and life has been strange (before coronavirus kicked off I was in the middle of preparing for exams). Anyway, I’m happy to answer this.

I made a post in the distant past, basically saying that I think there is a view that history before 1800 is somehow less intellectual and that this is rooted in sexism. That post is here. Allow me to explain and please bare in mind that this is all just my opinion and is based off my experiences.

Apologies for the length.

Firstly, I love history. I’m a complete geek for it. I think it’s important, interesting and with a bit of luck I’ll be studying it at university soon. Therefore, this isn’t a post where I try to claim that actually history before 1800 is superior... because that’s just dumb. History is history and while historians can have personal preferences over which period they find most interesting, that doesn’t make that period “better” than any others. Literally. I mean, everything leading up to the present day didn’t happen in isolated, distinct boxes and all of it is useful to understanding how modern society has developed.

It makes sense that there is a general interest in “modern history”. After all, it is interesting and we have more information about it thanks to technological developments. The 20th century was a time of massive change if you compare 1900 to 2000 - although, I’m sure it’s easy for us to see the difference, seeing as the 20th century wasn’t so long ago in the grand scheme of things and many people who are alive today lived through a part of it. I’m sure people living in the early part of any century probably thought (if they had access to history) that the start and end of the previous century were hugely different. Nevertheless, I agree that the 20th century is quite profound in this respect, at least at the moment. In 100 years, who knows?

The 19th century also offers us a lot more remnants than its predecessors and I think culturally is still viewed as important. Some people have a rose tinted view of the 19th century. In Britain, I’d say it is seen by those of a certain political persuasion (check out Tory MP Jacob Rees-Mogg) as a time of peak Britishness(TM) and nationalistic pride... although that narrative is simplistic and disregards the suffering of the colonies and indeed the working classes of Britain, who had to prop up all this “greatness”. Anyway, I’m sure if you found a stuffy 19th century bloke, he would tell you how his society’s morality has gone to complete shambles and that he yearns for a bygone era that only really exists in his mind. I guess that’s just what some people always do. Conservatives, eh?

I’ll actually get to the point now.

At my college, there were two history courses available: modern (involving subjects such as the Russian Revolution and Britain from about 1950-2007) and pre-modern (involving subjects such as the crusades and the English Reformation). I took the latter course and was in a class of 18, where there were 13 girls and 5 boys. Generally, the modern history classes were weighted in the opposite way, which simply suggests that at my particular college with my particular year group, boys had a preference for modern history and girls for pre-modern. I would argue that this preference appears to be more widespread in general, but that’s not definite.

The fact that this difference existed is not the problem. The problem is what people perceived this difference to mean.

I was told by a boy (not a nice boy, so not a representation of everyone) who was studying history that the course I was taking was “the gay version”. That, of course, is a puerile insult for 2020 and highlights his maturity level - all history is very, very gay and if you take issue with that then I don’t know what to tell you. Get your head out of your arse, maybe? But anyway... why did he feel superior about studying a different bit of history?

It wasn’t just him. A (male) teacher once told me that the history course I had chosen wasn’t as useful as the other one and that the only use it had was that I could apply transferable essay writing skills to my other subjects. Which was bollocks, might I add. Unsurprisingly, he wasn’t a history teacher.

So, where were these views coming from? Why was the English Reformation - which was basically 16th century Brexit - seen as lesser than the Russian Revolution? The obvious argument one could make is that events that have happened more recently are more important and have more of an impact today. However, without the events of the years before them, would these events have happened either? Does the Church of England not still exist? Do we not have a statue of Richard the Lionheart in Westminster (because we like giving statues to tossers, apparently)?

In my opinion, the answer to this odd hierarchy of time periods lies in gender socialisation and the propensity of people to view history in the same way they view fiction. We know that the traditional male/female gender socialisation patterns are different: boys are socialised to be “tough”, “leaders”, “aggressive” etc. whilst girls are socialised to be “submissive”, “friendly”, “polite” etc. This is hopefully changing now but inbuilt, subconscious biases about the genders and what quantifies masculinity and femininity are still around. There is the stereotype of boys being interested in war due to the toys they were given to play with. Surprise, surprise - warfare in the 20th century alone was vastly different to anything that had come before it and, as I said, due to technology we have more archived about it. I’m not suggesting that only boys are interested in historical war - again, that’s a stereotype. Anyone can be interested in war, 20th century or otherwise. Despite this, I’m not going to pretend there still aren’t those guys who get waaaay into warfare and that their interest and knowledge in history is largely confined to that subject.

And that’s fine! You know, as long as you don’t start worshipping Hitler or anything equally creepy. People aren’t experts on every little bit of history and are allowed to have stereotypical interests.

Yet, that still doesn’t explain completely why “modern history” is viewed as more intellectual, just because maybe it appeals slightly more to men (apart from the obvious that anything men like is viewed as superior in some way).

As historical societies are notably different to our own - especially on the surface - and because there is so much historical fiction that seeks to romanticise it, it is not massively surprising that many people do see history as an extension to fiction. It’s gone, we live in the now, lots of people don’t even believe history matters. The fantasy genre has a habit of adopting historical (often medieval) settings for its tales. It’s an obvious example but Game of Thrones was a retelling of the Wars of the Roses, amongst other things. I think when fantasy is applied to history it makes it seem even less real than it may already and this can lead to it being taken less seriously (though please do watch Horrible Histories or Blackadder and take the piss out of all time periods because humans of every age have been fallible). Of course, it is far easier to romanticise and play around with times that are further from our own because they are further detached and therefore more fantastical. This plays into post-1800 being seen as more “real” and “intellectual”.

Some men who wish to keep women out of the historical circle accuse them of only being interested in history because of “romance” or “fancy dresses” - princesses and knights and fairytales. This is more a low down problem with internet trolls than actual, published historians but the issue still stands. If you view “pre-modern” history through this veil of fiction then it must seem rather childish compared to the stark brutality of the World Wars and the political rise of the New Right in the West. However, conversely, it could also be argued that the nationalism and legend attached to recent warfare makes it equally comparable to a story. Not a happy story but then, Game of Thrones isn’t a happy story either.

I don’t think anyone serious about history actually believes that the romantic, fantastical elements attached to any historical periods are 100% true. Hopefully, most people don’t see them as proof that being interested in a certain period makes you better than someone who is interested in another period. Any period can be romanticised, including the “modern” one - Titanic, anyone? Not to mention the frilly view we have of the Victorians (although that’s not silly because of the Britishness(TM), remember). Actually, using history in fiction and even making fiction about history isn’t even a bad thing and I certainly encourage it. I just think that the truth shouldn’t be conveniently forgotten by those with weird superiority complexes who think that because The Tudors was all about love trysts and fine clothing, the entire period is “girly” and a write off.

What am I saying amongst this rambling mess? The next time you see a girl going through her Ancient Egypt phase, don’t roll your eyes. Not if you wouldn’t do the same when you see a boy with an interest in WW2 tanks. Whichever way people come to their interest in the past is valid (apart from the creepy fascist worshipping I mentioned). A lot of things in our world are gendered when they shouldn’t be; history should be equally open to all and although there is a focus on the past 200 years (just look at the uni modules on offer), that doesn’t mean that if you are interested in the years before, your interest isn’t valid enough.

I hope I’ve managed to explain myself properly and have gotten through how gender plays into this sufficiently. I know this is a very niche thing to have an opinion on and I’d like to stress again that this is just my opinion and you are free to disagree with me. That said, if you send me hate then don’t expect a proper response.

Thanks for the ask!

[unproduciblesmackdown]

6:15am Gripes Post lads!! 🥂

im in one of those things where something innocuous bugs me for days b/c its just a personal irritation...i saw something for like a book or a game on twitter & it was like “this is about being a teenager” and it looked like it was about the kind of teenagerdom where you hang out with your friends after school & have a few romantic partners where it doesn’t all go smoothly because youre both inexperienced and havent figured things out enough to have a really healthy mature relationship but its complicated and there’s good things in there too so its all just a mixed bag and classic teenager

anyways theres nothing wrong with that in and of itself of course but i dont like getting what is a specific narrative conflated with a universal narrative...i.e. while that might be a common experience, being 13-19 isnt defined by that kind of usual teenage experience checklist. i mean, everyone who’s been a teenager has an experience in that time which must also be a teenage experience you know. and of course mine happens to be the kind that was nothing like the being out late with friends and having awkward date moments of bewilderment and figuring out who you are and all

i dont love to be reminded that theres a specific narrative thats meant to describe the General Universal Experience, when thats not my experience. what does that make my experience, and by extension, me

like i already feel invalidated enough by the course my life happened to go, i dont need a reminder that it was supposed to go This Way actually, and if it didnt then are you even a real person. and theres a ton of ways peoples lives could differ in major ways from whatever idea of whats universal that are also different from mine, so i dont know how not to be a bit annoyed from that angle either. i dont know its like....i guess ~Adolescence~ is especially treated as some flat, formuleic, predictable time in life where everyone is simple and shallow when its all really the opposite. its as complex and varied as ever and so are teenagers & people are completely wrong to act like teens are all just self centered immature kids—and not only wrong to do so but actually writing off really serious issues that affect teens as like “angst!!” or whatever...lord

anyways so i was like actively suicidal from like 14? 15? i say “was” when its just more like “have been,” but anyway. theres that part, and i didnt go to high school, which im sure would be for the better for anyone, and i wasn’t interested in dating anyone & also didn’t, and i was kind of having a version of the Universal Teen Story in that i was getting to be away from home for weeks at a time with only a weekend back every now and then (and breaks between semesters) and doing so finally let me like, even start to be a person who could exist outside the hellzone of my house. which made going back home for say, long summer breaks increasingly laden with friction. teens and their spats with parents right!! but actually it was that my situation was abusive & i had to figure that out on my own & in the meantime i did think i must be doing something wrong in trying to feel like i actually had the right to my own identity, because i must be doing something wrong if it makes me get along with my parents less. and really the idea that teens are just angsty & rebellious & argumentative was further damaging b/c i trivialized my own abuse as i always had (b/c all i had to go on was that it must be normal) & blamed myself for not succeeding in this impossible situation. it was really Not the universal experience even with the conflict and identity questions and growing familial pains

also i still had few friends, but i at least had a bit more room to Do Shit than at home. idek how to say how isolated i was for the entire like, well most of my life but a tiny bit less so during college. i had campus & a 1.5 mile radius and occasional trips and stuff, and being able to just do things as i wanted. at my parents house, the location made it so you couldnt really walk anywhere, and our town didnt really have a lot of hangouts anyways, and i didnt have any friends really. i did get a few from school and friendly acquaintances but i would rarely see any of them outside school, and that was mostly only middle school anyways. i was on the fringe even in preschool, which i imagine helped w how i read all the time at school and at home. and home and the abuse and having nowhere else to be also had to contribute to how i live in my head, i have to guess. i dont mind that, my head is great. but other people think im weird and in terms of being someone who grew up exposed to long term trauma & bad attention & memory & an awful lot of pretty specific things seem to align w autism but if i mention that ppl (irl) like to talk abt how well really everyones autistic in SOME ways (which well they arent unless you want to have a huge talk abt the entire field of what it means when usually nt ppl define Disorders) anyways the point is that i also dont trust people much because theres a slight history of taking a chance on ppl who seem interested in being friendly w/ me only to turn around & realize i was being laughed at to a degree for things that were just part of how i personally socialize, thanks. but not all of it. ive met some really solid people. but im not that eager to meet people as im wary of a lot of them & my instincts are usually justified when i take a dislike to somebody. and ive just never been in a position to make or have a lot of friends. and that sucks, coz the few times ive been able to be around multiple people i like is always a lot of fun, usually the result of some roadtrip or special occasion or something and very short lived. i WISH i’d had a period of constant access to a friend group, that i couldve left my parents house and had somewhere to go anytime i felt like it, that i had people i could do things with and all. i dont need adventure, i like parking lots and just doing nothing but hanging out and all, but that didnt happen. i was stuck in my parents house & i didnt even think i had maybe been cheated out of anything & maybe i wasnt just a inferior quality person until i started to figure out for myself around 18 that i might actually be abused, and it took me another couple of years to really believe that i didnt deserve it

and i mean still i didnt just take an “alternate route” to the same endpoint everyone else did. i cant do buzzfeed quizzes about You And Your BFF / Friend / Friend Group coz i cant even fake my way through them. i know i have an identity and am as much a person as anyone but i know that the chances to explore life that are supposed to be Common and Universal werent available to me, and that who i am as a person, aka a normal one, not a terrible one, was info i didnt know for most of my life and had to figure out on my own. and im still figuring out on my own, because shits never exactly been okay yknow

anyways my experience may be “worse” but its not lesser or less real or valid or makes me less of a person because i didnt get to do it your way. idk

tldr it annoys me like thanks for reminding me ive never got to have friends even though that’s still one of the few things i’ll feel bad about b/c i know just how much that hurts me & how much ive missed my fleeting chances to have a micro taste of what that couldve been like. and for a reminder that whats considered Real Full Person’s Experience is so default it doesnt even need modifiers, & so what does that make me if it doesnt apply at all?

funny how much an throwaway almost joke of a sentence bugs me but thats how it goes huh

[gabbyzvolt25]

-Rules:pick nine characters that you relate to from any media and tag nine people.

Tagged by @reaganthebird

1) Jupiter from Planetary Moe.

I love small cute things. 

Softe boi deluxe.

I’m dating a short. (I mean he isn’t canonically dating anyone short but short ppl are canonically his type??Also I swear it’s at least hinted that he feels some type of shit for Mercury like. And frankly I can relate Mercury is a qt.) 

I smile when I get annoyed. 

Scary deathglares. 

Okay like. One of my friends told me when she first saw me she was afraid to approach me because I looked scary?? <”0D

Also I legit have his hairstyle now it isn’t debatable I can style it JUST LIKE HOW I DRAW HIS HAIR.

I say weird shit to ppl I have a crush on. (I’m also more likely to tell those people abotu my got dam sin.)

Just like how Jupiter attracts comets/asteroids/moons/etc. I attract cats?? Or rather my house does but Chester ignored some basic hoes to cross a busy street to follow me home so I mean???

A red birthmark. (His beign the Great Red Spot and mine being the one on me foot.)

Clumsy fuck who breaks shit. (And feels bad abt it.) 

Scared of hurting things. (I once struggled to pick up a mouse because I didn’t want to hurt it.)

Childish ho.

What’s personal space? If I like you I’m glued to your side.

Can’t fuckign cook.

2) Sans from Undertale

I’m thin enough to make jokes about being a skeleton.

Depressed.

Smol.

I fucking love puns so much.

I love hearing people groan or say stop in response to puns.

Sarcastic af.

Lazy (but not actually lazy.)

Sleeps a lot/long af.

I used to eat ketchup sandwiches when I was like 8 and younger or smth? Gross shit tbh it was just ketchup on some bread. P close to chuggin’ ketchup if you ask me.

3) Dave Strider from Homestuck

I too had a period where I struggled with my sexuality. (Both in going ‘oh shit i’m not attracted to 1 gender (guys)’ and also a period where I went 'holy shit i can be asexual because i can feel romantic shit without wanting to fuck.’ So not quite the same as Dave but it applies.)

Self esteem? Don’t know her.

Childhood abuse. Though, Dave’s was much, much worse than mine, and most of the abuse I’ve had to deal with has been emotional/verbal.

Dick jokes.

Drawing shitposty comics.

Says fuck a lot.

Likes music from things/groups/artists that no one (in my irl setting at least) recognizes/knows.

Apple juice good slormp.

4) Karkat Vantas from Homestuck

Says fuck a lot.

Acts like I’m a badass who will fight but I’m really just a pussy.

Talks a lot of smack for someone who can’t fucking fight.

Shit self esteem.

Worried ppl will find out shit about me that would be harmful info for them to know. (People finding out I’m trans vs. Karkat’s blood colour.)

Leader of my internet squad.

Leader complex.

Shouty.

Is really creative with insults.

Blood aspect.

Gets angry easily.

5) Venus from Planetary Moe

Was a tomboy when I ID’d as female; still say fuck gender roles though.

Hates dresses.

Leader. (P sure it was said somewhere that she’s the most likely to be a good leader or something.)

Will freak out/cry if forced into a dress.

Can’t deal with bullshit.

I feel like there’s enough canon shit to imply she’s ace tbh? 

Hates being touched. (By people I don’t know.)

Again. Cant fucking cook.

6) Mercury from Planetary Moe.

A smol boi.

Another soft boi deluxe.

Hates when ppl say I look girly.

Forgets people’s names when I don’t talk with them often.

Forgets people’s FACES if I don’t talk with them often.

Forgets about people I don’t interact with in general..

Is hard to be made into your close friend chummy chum who will send u p much anything about my life, but once I am in that spot I’m loyal as fuck.

Looks mean but really isn’t. (Just has resting bitch face, a little bit.)

YET ANOTHER CHARACTER I RELATE TO WHO CAN’T. FUCKING. COOK!!!

7) Tails from Sonic

Was bullied when I was younger.

Is smart.

YET ANOTHER CUTE SOFTE BOI DELUXE.

High pitched bois. ;o(

To also want to fly high so I can reach the highest of all the heavens.

This scene. (Starts at 9:12.) Especially with the hand gesture at the end like. Kill ‘em Tails.

Always willing to help others.

Tails’ colour is v close to my favourite colour like this boi is a good boi.

Mint is unproblematic fav.

Hates feeling useless and ignored.

Gets v angry if someone insults my abilities.

Supports, loves, and cares for all my friends.

My name is also a pun. (Miles Prower (miles per hour) = bcuz he’s in a game where speed is key. Gabby = I’m talkative af.)

8) Sailor Moon 

Okay I haven’t watched Sailor Moon and it’s something I need to do but from what I can tell she’s a crybaby, loves video games, loves eating, and loves sleeping and tbh that’s enough for me.

9) Cream the Rabbit from Sonic

I can do a perfect Cream impression I’m p sure lmao. I kinda ran out of ideas. Idk probably also because I’m sweet and polite?

@bloodlily16 @coolsonicrules @freckleddanijesus @mandaka @pseudomiracles @snake-the-fleshboy @nori-in-the-house @juicyjyushis @vulpesradical

[angrybelieverconnoisseur-blog]

Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

"Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

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Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

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""When you switch car insurance companies, trusting the new company with the quote they give you, do they have?

to stick with that quote throughout the year or can they cheat you and increase it later and the quote is just an estimate. I live in California

""Does car insurance go down when you move to a different state, if so how do i lower mine? (see details)?""

I used to live in LA and my car insurance was 46.00. Well, I went to progressive and did a quote with my new address which is in TX and my car insurance quote is for 26.00. How do i go about getting these new rates since I no longer live in Louisiana.""

How much Would car Insurance Be for me If Im 18 in California?

And have a 08 or 09 Honda Civic brand new(going to be buying a car) And going to college(since I hear most insurance Companies discount kids under 20 who are going to college) Is it really expensive? Also I hear its lower then before since economy is down.

What do you do if you cant afford car insurance?

Im a sinlge mother and my bills are more than my income. I seriously have to choose between food or car insurance. i cant take the bus to work the schedule doesnt work out....Im scared Im going to get pulled over. What do I do?

Cheapest auto insurance?

What is the cheapest auto insurance from personal experience, Please and thank you!!""

Do you need insurance for a 50cc scooter in florida?

Do you need insurance for a 50cc scooter in florida?

Car insurance help..?

I just asked this question but i'll add more details--------------------- About me - I pass my test 06/03/12 And bought a car and insurance - 10/03/12 ( the car was a vauxhall corsa) I still have the vauxhall and it's insured untull the 10th of March. I'm buying a suzuki swift today and want to insure it but It's cheaper if i have 1 year No claims bonus (NCB). To get my NCB i have to wait until the 10th and i dont mind that what's bothering me is I want to sell my Corsa before or after the 10th or whatever to a garage so not private sale and still have my NCB. Is there something a garage can do where i take it to them on the day my insurance ends and they keep it until it ends? I haven't insured the suzuki AT ALL yet and i'm relying on my NCB as it takes a huge chunk out of the money. thanks.

Motorcycle Insurance?

My son has had his motorcycle in storage and has been paying insurance on it. He has had to pay for monthly insurance as if he had been driving it. Is this right?

How do I get insurance without having a car?

I got a DUI a few years ago and have never needed to get my license back.now I'm about to have my first child and really need to get it back if I need to drive somewhere but I do not have a car. But I need insurance to get it back. Any help will be great. Thank you.

How much does horse insurance cost?

How much would it cost to insure a 14 year old gelding quarter horse? He is 1,200 pounds and does jumping and dressage. I need to know this ASAP!!!""

""Car accident, insurance wont pay up, need help?""

i was coming home from work and i hit someone else's parked car when i skidded on ice. i have since found out that i was not supposed to drive to and from work under a technicality of not using the car for work. however i don't use it for work and only use it for the 3 minute commute, as i have a Sunday job. however the insurance company is saying that it will not pay out for both my car and the car i hit. its a 6 grand motor and god knows what the other guys car will cost to fix. basically im asking if they are within their right to not pay out and would i have to pay for the other guys car? i understand i should phone the insurance company but they're closed for Christmas""

How would I go about trying to lower my car insurance?

I know after so many years of having car insurance, paying it on time, and having no accidents, that your car insurance is lowered every so often. When I first received car insurance, I did it online, received a quote and payed it. I've been paying that amount ever since. How would I go about trying to get it lowered or at least seeing if I can lower it? I'm with Allstate. Thanks!""

Car Insurance...?

I was wondering which car insurance company has a reasonable price?

About how much does full coverage auto insurance cost?

I'm just curious of how much a good estimate is. If you need a vehicle, try 2000 Honda civic.""

Can we get finally affordable health insurance now?

Me and my fiance pay $650/month on health insurance and it really sucks. My fiance was denied by every health insurance b/c of a heart condition which is common in his family and I am pregnant and everybody denied me of course too. So we got coverage with Cover Colorado. With the new health reform, can we apply now at different insurances? How is that with the premium? If they need to take you, can they give you a very high premium?""

What is a price of car insurance in Italy?

What is a average car insurance premium for 25 years old with 5 years of no claim bonus in Italy?

Why did my car insurance go down?

My car insurance premium went down by $10/ mo. I have no idea why. My credit score just went from 631 to 747 in just a couple of months because I fixed some errors, and I am also turning 24. Could either of these be the reason that my premium went down? Or is my car just worth less b/c all the new models are comming out? I drive a 2002 Honda Civic.""

Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

Is there a website for seeing what class of car you have for insurance to see how much it wil be.?

I know insurance have classes of cars based on a number. Like my old school might be a 7. but my Escalade might be a 20 or something. Please help.

Can I get a motorcycle license without a drivers license ?

I am 16 and I live in Florida, I just want to get a motorcycle license without the whole drivers license thing because cheaper insurance. My parents are making me pay and I need it as cheap as possible. Thanks :)""

""How much does it cost to live on your own in Sacramento, CA?""

I need to move out when I turn 18 due to problems at home and with my family. How much would it cost, realistically, to live on my own in a studio apartment in sacramento, roseville, citrus heights, rocklin or the surrounding area? I mean the bare minimum cost, including car insurance, rent, food, medical insurance, etc. I would be paying for everything on my own. Thank you for the input!""

How much would car insurance for a 21 year old be for all state?

How much would car insurance for a 21 year old be for all state?

""In Alabama, is it hard to get insurance for a Jeep if...?""

i'm turning 16 soon. Getting my intermediate license, then six months later i'll get my real license. I've been looking at Jeep Wranglers, but i've decided I need something that gets a little better gas milage. So now i've really come to like Jeep Grand Cherokee's. The price of the Jeep isn't a problem, I can pay for the gas too. But the insurance is another. Does anyone have any clue how much insurance might be? I think my mom is with progressive if it matters. Thanks in advance!""

Is Medicaid consider as A health insurance?

Hello, I live in Texas and am going to college. My mom wants me to get health insurance stuffs fill out for college, so I have to pay less(? not sure if this is true). The website told me to to file my health insurance so they can take some of the health bill off the insurance.""

Heallth insurance for the self employed?

I need dental and health insurance for an affordable price. I am unmarried.... what can I do? who offers it? how much will it cost?

Any young UK drivers know any cheap car insurance companies?

Any young UK drivers know any cheap car insurance companies?

""I would like to buy a VW bus, but i am a student and i was wondering how much maintenance would cost monthly?""

I am dying to get this car, it is my dream car, or bus, but i don't have very much money. So, i am trying to better understand the circumstances that i am getting myself into before i make this big step. I already know about insurance prices and gas prices, but i am pretty much clueless at maintenance prices, i am really looking for a ballpark figure.""

I am retired federal employee & want info on car insurance rates?

I am retired federal employee & want info on car insurance rates?

Is car insurance in any way fair?

I know there is not much that I can do about it on my own but I am thoroughly annoyed by paying for car insurance. You pay for it in the hopes that you don't get into an accident and it increases. Once you've gotten into an accident, depending on the company, they try to figure out a way not to pay for it. If your car is totally destroyed, you're stuck with the blue book value and the remainder of your car note in some cases (if your insurance is really bad). While all of this is going on, the car is depreciating at an almost exponential rate and the top it all off, it is a requirement by our government to pay for it. Now I do undestand its place but there needs to be some type of adjustment in the way that this system works. I mean, while they're collecting money on your insurance, they are reinvesting it and making money off of your money that you will never get back and ultimately never use....I'm annoyed. I feel like I am just throwing money away. What do you think?""

I have a Mazda 6 ... whats the cheapest Car insurance I should get for it? per month?

What's the cheapest car insurance to get on a Mazda 6...2008? Expected Monthly payments, ect. I am currently at 70/month... with Allstate but I wanted to know if there was a cheaper service out there.""

Insurance for ninja vs nighthawk?

I am planning on getting a small 250cc motorcycle either a kawasaki ninja or honfa nighthawk. i am 16 yo and this will be my first bike. will insurance for a ninja be alot more than insurance for a nighthawk? just liability i dont want comprehensive or collision.

How much a month will it cost to have a car including insurance maintance and gas?

How much a month will it cost to have a car including insurance maintance and gas?

Where can i find affordable life insurance for my 81 yr old granmother?

I live in Illinois, and I work for the UI, but im not sure if I can add my grandmother on my insurance...So Im trying to find somewhere that will take senior citizens, but something i ...show more""

How can i lower my car insurance quotes?

hi im 16 and am soon going to be able to drive so i have started to look at what my inurance quotes will be for a newly qualified driver, and there to high at 3000+ for a renault clio with a 1.2 engine. Just wondering how i might be able to lower this figure with some kind of higher qualififed driving licence, if there are any compaies that insurance new drivers for quite low amonts or if i am just going to have to wait until i am older?? thanks""

""I was rear ended, will my insurance go up?""

I was rear ended and filed a claim with my insurance company. It was clearly not my fault since I was hit from behind. However, I wonder if I want to get the car fixed through my insurance company and pay the deductibles, will my insurance go up in the future? Any help is much appreciated.""

Is Allstate a good insurance company to work for as a claims adjuster?

Is Allstate a good insurance company to work for as a claims adjuster?

How much would my car insurance be?

i plan to by a 95 toyota , i have been driving since i was 17 and now 21 and have had no accidents. how much would my insurance be on average.""

Would disability insurance premiums be deductible if you are self employed?

Would disability insurance premiums be deductible if you are self employed?

Will my auto insurance be high if i was not insured before. even though i have my G1.?

Hello, I'm a 20yr old Male, and I'm planning on getting a used car ( 1999 - 2004 ) bellow $3000 CAD. The problem is that i was never insured before. I got my g1 on 2007, and my G at 2010. Most of those years i drove with my uncle beside me, because he worked close to my school. So I was wandering, how high will my insurance will be? considering the fact that i did not have any insurance and i'm a 20yr old male. I searched online for quotes and the lowest i got was 499 per month... I am a student, thus i'm only making around 450 - 600 a month doing part time job. And any suggesting on a car for a first timer is more than welcome. (colour, make, model, yr. etc. ) Thank you very much for reading this.""

""Car insurance,if im fully?""

If im fully comp on my own insurance, could i buy another car and not pay any more premiums.""

What exactly is affordable health care premium?

To me that means everyone pays $100.00 per month Is that what it means?

How much home insurance & tax for a cheap studio?

I know 0 about this: are home insurance rates annual or monthly? Could someone give me just a very rough idea about how much a cheap studio's home insurance & tax would cost? (in ...mostrar ms

What is the best type of car to get for cheaper insurance?

What is the best type of car to get for cheaper insurance?

Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

Rosemont West Virginia Cheap car insurance quotes zip 26424

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