#but instead im locked into my little apartment reading about depressing environmental studies and crying over the red list
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#i got such an insane inferiority complex#i feel less than anyone else and its making me desperately try to be better but im failing#and its making me so mad#i am so frustrated at being worse than others#i want to be like them. i want to be smart and learn easily and be fun and hot and popular and nice and a good person#i wanna be someone that change peoples lives i wanna be someone good#i wanna be someone that people look up to i wanna be better i wanna be better#i will never be on the same level as that one but i dont mind that. i have somehow managed to lock them into my phone mentally#theyre not real and i will never meet them or get their love anyway so who cares lol but i still want to be someone#i want to be. better#i want to be better#i want to do better#i want to be someone important#i want to be someone that makes a change#i want to be beautiful#i want to be smart and cool and competent#but instead im locked into my little apartment reading about depressing environmental studies and crying over the red list#i dont want to be less than#i dont like being powerless i hate being looked down on and pity makes my blood boil#there's nothing worse than being pitied#or being infantilized or made to feel powerless and small#i get so angry and frustrated and hopeless and sad and ugh#i want to be someone you cant look down on#i want to be special#i want to stop comparing myself#i dont know how#i get jealous and i get frustrated and i get desperate#i feel so fucking useless right now#i feel so pathetic#i hate feeling pathetic
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