#but in the tags MORE BEAUTY . awesome seeing another trans person who works in the medical field :D the pure joy me vinz and her felt in

[studiousbotanist]

(about to say a negative thing but thinks about the beauty instead) I love seeing the quick peak into everyone else's lives thatre visible from a waiting room .. reunions thatve been a long time coming . routine procedures .. other people who are here to support their family after getting surgery done . warms my heart :)!!

[petekaos]

2020 creator wrap + a follow forever

rules: it’s time to love yourselves! choose your 5 (or so) favorite works you created in the past year (fics, art, edits, etc.) and link them below to reflect on the amazing things you brought into the world in 2020. tag as many writers/artists/etc. as you want (fan or original) so we can spread the love and link each other to awesome works!

hiii hello everyone! sorry it’s taken me so long to get on this BUT it’s all for good reason! i thought i would combine this post into me sharing some of the works i am most proud of this year as well as spreading more love in this wonderful little community because i truly love you all tons and being a part of such a lovely group of people has made me beyond happy this year. it’s been a difficult year for all of us and i’m just so glad that i can give back the love and care y’all can give to me 💛

onward to spreading love to people who tagged me, in no particular order! thank you all for tagging me, it means so much and know that i have read through your posts at least twice with a smile on my face.

@wjmild: kylie!! you constantly surprise me with how kind and insightful you are, as well as your dedication to watching absolutely every show with lee thanat in it. you are so smart and educated and every time you talk about your research and your studies i can’t help but feel so incredibly proud of you. i really hope life brings you the peace and fulfillment you deserve. i love you!

@gigiesarocha: cata - it is always such a pleasure to see you on my dash. i can rely on you losing your shit over ingredients every two weeks and every time i see jeff doing things it 100% reminds me of you! you possess such a kind soul and i’m so glad to have had the pleasure of following you this year :’)

@yihwas: sometimes i still can’t believe you know who i am and that we’re grouped together, soph! your blog is such a refuge to me, i adore scrolling through your replies and laughing at all the witty things you say. you are simply so kind and thoughtful in your responses and criticism and you have such talent in gifmaking! i am forever grateful to you for introducing me to new lakorns and to you and shannon for creating @lakornladies​. 

@morksuns: sumaya! my url twin! i absolutely love seeing you on the dash, it really is that trans desi solidarity, no? your moodboards are always so aesthetic and your blog is so soft and calm. i see you sending such lovely asks to people, including myself, and i truly admire your personality so much!

@gayvlad: nico, my sibling! i love you so much and seeing you on the dash always makes me smile. sometimes you’re too hard on yourself, but that’s okay, because i’m always here for you. i loved your reactions to dbk in live time, and that you’re now as attached to the show as i am. we love a lot of the same things, and i’ll forever be grateful to you for indulging my headcanons and developing them with me, like the ram and bohn friendship. the ram fic of him finding the gym as a home was developed through much of your influence, and i’ll never stop being astonished at how kind and supportive you are. i love you! 

@khaotungthanawat: saaaam! your gifs are always a beauty to behold. i admire you so much for making those bl compilation gifsets because that takes so much patience and dedication, especially to find all the moments. i can always count on you for underrated gifsets, too, and i smile every time you send me an ask!

@tanwirapong: roa! oh i adored getting to know you better this year through the gifted gays gc. i remember still when you made a post about there’s an art to honesty and it truly made my day - i sent it to my partner and best friend and they were so fond as well! i will always be so happy about the fact that we both lose it over petekao every now and again, it means the world to me :’)

@emisfritish: your wisdom and way of expressing your thoughts will never fail to amaze me, emma. i can always count on you for calling things like they are and writing out well-worded, thought-provoking posts that express everything i have ever thought about fandom but could never quite write down. it’s such a pleasure seeing you on my dash and honestly, whenever i see tay, he reminds me of you!

so that was everyone who tagged me, for which i am eternally grateful! (if i missed anyone... i am so sorry ily...) now onto me rambling about how much i love specific people in the fandom generally that i haven’t already mentioned.

@earthfluuke: maddie... where do i even start. getting to know you this year means the absolute world to me and i love how many thoughts we can share together and how many aus and ideas we can plot out to the finest detail, but i also love how we can talk about serious topics and irl issues affecting us both and know that the other person will be there. i admire you so much for going on and persevering despite the many difficult factors in your life right now. know that i will always be there - to listen to you, to support your gifs and fics, to develop characters with you, to weigh in on problems or ideas you have. i love you!

@asianmelodrama: faiza!! i can never address you without immediately adding ‘jaan’ after it honestly. you are a sister to me in all things and knowing you has been such an honour. your wise words, your calmness in dealing with things, your infectious excitement - they are all facets of your personality that i both admire and adore. whether it’s getting angry about shitty muslim rep or freaking out about a movie, i know that i can always count on you to be there for me if i ever need it. i hope light and love touches your life always, and you find peace in everything you do. if i ever happen to be in england, i am definitely coming over for your chai :’) i love you!

@yioh: yura my laddoo! i say this all the time, but i simply am so grateful that we met. i love seeing your tags on my posts and i just... adore seeing you doing your thing on your blog, your posts always make me smile. i know school is hard right now, but know that i’m always rooting for you and believe in you completely. words cannot express how happy i am to have found another tamil lgbt person who can understand the same experiences, it really does mean everything to me. and know that i will begin reading tyk soon, i promise, and i’ll tell you all about my thoughts! i love youuu!

@1akorn: shannon!! i still cannot believe people group us together because i’ve always admired you from a distance - imagine my absolute surprise when i found out that you followed me! i 100% rely on you for the good mek content and love your gifs so much. you’re so articulate and speak your thoughts incredibly well, which i truly admire.

@brightwin: jelly - you already know the amount of love and fondness i hold for you. you’re such a kind and bubbly person and your personality shines not only through your tags and responses to people, but also through your gorgeous gifsets that are just so warm and lovely. i can always rely on you to give me updates on all things related to brightwin and 2gether. you’re wonderful!

@yibobibo: aamna! i know i can always get my yibo content from you, and i adore it. i love seeing updates about your bunnies and your kind responses to your anons, you truly are a ray of light! you’re also one of the fairly concentrated cql blogs i follow - and for that i am always grateful.

@metawwin: ali! your gorgeous gifs are always such a light on my dash. i remember once you called me ‘rahulito’ and it made me so soft. your voice and songs are so lovely and i don’t even know where to begin thanking you for sharing your art with us. i know it means a lot to me, and it means the same to many others.

@taytawan: nuriaaa! i remember seeing you so often in the petekao tag and i gotta say that your sets of both petekao and sarawatine, especially the heart eyes series, always make me so soft. and of course, the fact that you gifted me this wonderful url! i will always be thankful for that and for your general kindness and warmth that you bestow upon everyone.

@piningbisexuals: axelle! although we don’t talk that much, i always love seeing your gifs and your thoughts on shows on the dash. i’m wishing you all the best with your thai classes and hope that everything goes well with you! also, you should know that i read that manboss fic you gifted to me at least once a week because it just means that much to me - and i’m so glad i got you into this little silly ship of mine. 

@sunsetchimyeon: nene, my pk anon! i love seeing your asks in my inbox and writing essays as replies. having conversations with you was one of my absolute highlights and i’ll always be blown away by how kind and calm and supportive and patient you are! i hope life is treating you well, my friend.

@toptaps: zey!! oh i love seeing your gifs and kindness on my dash and know that whenever i see toptap in anything, he always reminds me of you! also your gifs of sammy? absolutely gorgeous!

@giftedgays: i love you all SO much it is truly insane. being part of our tumblr gc that evolved into a discord server with a thousand channels has been one of my 2020 highlights. i loved yelling with you all about tgg every week and i must thank you all for sitting through my chanonpom breakdowns every second day. 

in particular: 

@pangwave - dawnie, i love you! i admire you and your no bullshit attitude so much. i know you’re going through a process of change right now, and i could not be prouder of you for persevering through it, regardless of the painful and strange circumstances we find ourselves in. i have full faith in you, and i know that you got this. we’re all here for you! 

@doctorbahnjit: - alexa! i still remember when you wrote the first manboss fic and an anon sent me a link regarding it. you are genuinely one of the funniest people i know and you deserve the absolute world. i read out of the blue every day, no kidding, because it means so much to me! thank you for being my fellow chanonpomer, my fellow manboss-er, and just being an all around ray of absolute sunshine.

@gunatps: vee! i have already embarrassed myself enough in my post to you but it’s worth repeating. i adore our eden chanonpom breakdown sessions, which we should have again soon when you have time, and i love us roasting modi in the chat, it truly cracks me up! we have so much in common and i just want to say that i am so proud of you for studying and taking your exams - i know how difficult they are. 

@wavelovespang: cass!! how i adore your analyses and breakdowns of scenes and relationships, you have so much insight and wisdom that you spread in such thoughtful ways! you’re so supportive and kind and such a great teacher, i know that. your writing is so wonderful and i’m truly so honoured that we all get to read it, it’s a gift!

@class2clown: angel! i cannot say this enough but i admire your art so much, it’s so so beautiful! you’ve always been so kind and lovely, and just like with cass, thank you so much for organising the gifted week events! although i couldn’t properly partake this year because of time constraints, i loved seeing everyone’s creations and it was super thoughtful.

@soulmatelines: i’ve said this before, jo, but it must be said again: i cannot believe you thought i was cool. i’ve always adored your gifs from afar and you’re such a sweet person! i love love love talking with you in the kpop channel (even if you personally hate 3racha smh), and you truly do bear the novel agenda! i’ve learned about so many more novels i must read and for that i am so grateful :’) 

@billkinpp: violet, i will never fail to crack up at a) your and kylie’s plans to run away and get married, and b) you having a thousand sideblogs and complimenting yourself on your own gifs in the tags, as you absolutely should! i hope the next year is kind to you and that your sleep schedule isn’t too fucked up :’)

@vihokratanas: mel, i will always be in complete awe of your gifs! they are always so clean and crisp. i remember still when you were fondestphan and my phannie days flashed in front of my eyes fhsnfg but either way, you’re so kind and sweet! 

@pvrrish: eleni!! i don’t think i’ve ever told you this before but i’ve always loved the 2gether poster that you made, i sometimes go on your blog to look at it for like 5 minutes, it’s truly so beautiful! i hope you’ve had an okay year, all things considered, and that life is kind to you!

@lee-thanat: another leesbian, ke! y’all always crack me up in the lesbians for lee thanat channel truly. your simping for ms ladda is so valid, i miss her so much honestly. i hope that the coming year is kind to you, and that you find the peace you deserve!

okay, so i think that’s everyone that i either talk to regularly or admire a lot! in case i didn’t mention you, please please feel free to reach out to me because i mean no offense at all - my brain is small haha. would also like to shout out all my anons who send me asks and bear with my late responses these days because of life, i adore you all and i love answering your asks.

if you’re still reading after this... whole monster of a post, i’m just gonna quickly mention some things i’ve been proud of either writing or making this year. in no particular order:

1. my weary heart has come to rest in yours. this is a fic i wrote in an... interesting headspace, and i was really going through my chanonpom feelings at the time. i’m really proud of how it came out and i adored writing chanon through pom’s pov. also i kinda love how i tied in p’bird’s song prip dtah in with the fic because i adore the song and it fits so well with them.

2. petekao week 2020. i guess this is sort of cheating, because these are technically 7 fics, BUT. i am actually proud of myself for writing seven, and i think they’re all of fairly good quality. i just really love this little universe i created for the dbk characters after the show and this whole week was just so warm and lovely to be a part of.

3. this set of num and prang from a gift for whom you hate. this moment really stuck with me from the finale and i actually am really proud of the colouring and how it came out! i think the blues really popped and i managed to lighten this dark ass scene without whitewashing mek or aye. the fireworks gif also is one of my favourites i’ve made! num and prang’s whole relationship was so pure throughout the entirety of this show, i adored them. 

4. but love is impossible and it goes on despite the impossible. this is the longest fic i’ve posted so far and i’m super proud of it - it’s also my most well-received fic. the yunmeng brothers mean the world to me and i just... wanted to write about jiang cheng and his love for his brother and give them a somewhat happy ending, in one future at least.

5. there’s an art to honesty. i think i really nailed my version of kao in this work! i just really loved writing this fic so much, especially because it was right after the whole ‘scandal’ with new happened. i was really just finding a way to separate kao from him, and i delved into my feelings with this fic as well, because i relate to kao in multiple ways. either way, i thought writing this fic was fun and a lot of people loved it too, which made me so soft!

if you’ve read this far, i personally adore you! while this has been a difficult year, i am blessed to have been part of this loving community, and i really hope that next year will be kinder to us all and give us good shows and discussions! i love you all. stay safe and stay kind, friends 💛

[sharkfish]

ps i loved this one

(rereading bookmarks edition)

i’ve been rereading stories from my bookmarks as a comfort thing. i’m getting real deep in there to stuff i haven’t (re)read for years, and damn do i have good taste. the ones i’ve read recently that you should, too: 

(under the cut so i’m not that asshole that makes you scroll past an endless post) 

A Change of Scene by SurlyCat

When Dean goes over to see his Dom on Christmas Eve, he isn't expecting Cas to play naughty Santa, and neither of them is expecting how it turns out for them.

ooooomg fuck me up with that sex to lovers thing featuring bdsm. yessssss 

A Room of His Own (or not) by Valinde (Valyria)

Dean took a deep breath and reassessed the situation. He was in bed with a guy, sure, and technically they were snuggling, but it was Cas. The guy had absolutely no reference on what was appropriate physical contact between two dudes sharing a bed in the... normal, completely unsexy, no-funny-business, way.

cas is fallen, dean is confused (what else is new), A+ cuddling. that’s the fic. 

Boys On Film by LoversAntiquities @tragidean​ 

But maybe that’s what it is—maybe Castiel’s finally realized something Dean is too chicken to admit, despite the fact he’s been jerking off to the idea of Castiel fucking him for the past few weeks. The idea warms him as much as it pains him to think about, his friend not being able to talk to him about something like that. That has to be it—it’s the only explanation. Castiel likes him.

“Or maybe he knows you do cam shows.”

Dean chokes on his burger.

idk what to say, i love a good sex worker fic and here you go. @tragidean​ is always here with that first-class content. 

Castiel's Angel by Valinde (Valyria) @valinde​

The angel took a deep breath and looked down at his hands. He was fidgeting Cas noticed. Usually he was so bizarrely at ease in his human form, lounging around and tossing winks and smirks at anyone with a pulse. That more than anything had Cas straightening on his stool and wishing he was a little less tipsy.

“Ineedyoutogroommywings,” Dean muttered in one long, almost unintelligible, string. He was blushing.

all my fellow wing hos should flock* to this fic. i also love me a good switcharoo with angel dean (and hunter cas, as this is an alternate canon universe). and dean gets all claim-y, which is also my jam. 

*this was unintentional but a pretty funny joke 

For Science! by pm_lo 

Selected transcripts and supporting materials from Dr. Castiel Williams and Dean Winchester’s seminal study on physiological and psychological sexual response by gender designation.

i believe this was the first abo fic i added to my bookmarks. story time: many, many moons ago, i kept track of my reading list. i was doing that “50 books a year” thing so it was mostly for tracking that, but i had another tab for fics, because i read few enough that i could track them. i rated things and sometimes left notes, and by all the abo ones i was like “don’t tell anyone i read this.” yes, i shamed myself for liking abo. it was a dark time in my life.

anyway, then i read this, and was like, all right i can see what’s going on here.

this is a great fic for multiple reasons, and the format is one. it’s written as dialogue-only transcripts from their experiment. it’s hard to make that kind of format work, but pm_lo ain’t fucking around. 

Just a Stranger On the Bus by Amelia_Clark 

December 31 9:32 PM When Castiel boards the bus in KC, they think it’s empty at first—but when they toss their backpack onto an aisle seat and climb in after it, there’s a muffled yelp from the dimness at the back of the bus. They turn in time to see a man in a faded Carharrt jacket, sitting up and yawning as he rubs sleep out of his eyes. The man’s hair is greasy and matted down on one side, and there’s drool on the side of his face; nonetheless, he’s ridiculously good-looking.

“Hey man,” he says. Castiel does not correct him. “This can’t be Chicago.”

the non-binary tag, just like the trans tags in general, are a house half-built and left to rot in the rain. even if that wasn’t true, this series is goddamn amazing. also there’s rimming. also there’s a line in there that said something like “they don’t dislike their body, it just never felt like theirs” and i had a lightbulb moment irt my own experience. did dean ever wear carharrt in the actual series? if not, mistakes have been made. 

Just Turn Around and Go by PorcupineGirl @porcupine-girl​

Dean should be happy. His best friend and housemate of five years, Castiel, is moving out to live with his boyfriend, Balthazar. Dean's career is going great, so he can easily afford the house on his own now. This is just growing up, moving forward to the next phase of their lives.

It would be awesome, if he weren't in love with Cas.

Well, here we go, he thinks as he opens the refrigerator and digs around for sandwich supplies. First day of the rest of your life. Time to move the fuck on. As he slams his meat and mayo and pickles down on the counter, he considers adding the bottle of whiskey he knows is hiding in the cabinet, but decides that he has enough self-respect to wait 'til five. Then he'll get fucking blackout drunk. Yep. Awesome.

y’all, do i even have to say anything about this? roommates to friends to a pathetic amount of pining without saying shit to disgustingly in love. also i think i cried, but i’ve been in tears so many times in the last week, who’s to say. 

Plus One by ceeainthereforthat @ceeainthereforthat​ 

Castiel Novak might have to attend three weddings in two months, but he’s not about to let his brother play matchmaker. His family’s Internet streaming company is too important to let a relationship steal his time, but he knows exactly what to do–hire someone to pretend to be his boyfriend.

Dean Winchester has worked five-star hospitality long enough to know how to fit in with Castiel’s crowd, and this job could score him the connections to make his acting career take off. It’s a business deal, no matter how they’re drawn to each other. When the lines of their contract start to blur into real feelings, can they withstand Castiel’s family and jealous fans working to split them up?

there are a lot of great fake dating stories out there, but this one takes the cake (or, at least, a slice of it). also, i cried a lot rereading this, both “ohhh god i love their love” tears and also “ohhhh god this hurts so bad” tears. 

Should've Just Asked by Annie D (scaramouche) 

Despite their age gap and differing social circles, Castiel has struck up a warm friendship with Mary Winchester, a wealthy widowed socialite. When Castiel needs a place to stay, Mary invites him into her house, where there’s loads of spare room. Castiel’s aware that they make an odd pair, but he doesn’t fully realize how things look to outsiders, especially to Mary’s eldest son. All Dean Winchester sees is that his mom has apparently hooked up with a hot young guy (who is totally Dean’s type) and that makes things… weird.

they’re both oblivious idiots in love, cas is grey-ace, dean’s a total dork, it’s all just very lovely (and frustrating in the way oblivious idiots can be!!!). 

PS - annie d is writing marvel fic lately and i’m sure it’s fantastic if you’re into that kind of thing. 

Support Your Local Gay Beekeeper by Powerfulweak

It’s not like Dean goes on Grindr very often, just when he’s bored and alone. The blue-eyed guy's profile reads "Beekeeper, 29, 5'10, Single, I watch the bees." Dean is intrigued. He has to send a message.

this is a series that starts with some great phone sex and then goes on to very, very awkward sex injuries. a goddamn cringefest that had me in complete horror imagining it. but it’s fun! they persevere! people so rarely write about Sex Going Wrong and i love @powerfulweak​ for taking the bullet for us on that one. 

Take Me Home Tonight by Persephoneshadow @persephoneshadow​

“Come on, we’re finding you someone to…engage with sexually or whatever,” Dean explains, chancing another swig of beer before going on. “Anyone in this bar, no limits, who would you would be your top choice to bang?” “Well, you, ideally.” Dean spits out some beer before collapsing in on himself, legitimately choking this time. “Excuse me?!” ---- Or the one where Cas wants to have sex and Dean is there to help.

your classic denialist “i’ll be your wingman” turning to “actually imagining someone else touching you makes me want to punch someone.” which is dumb, because cas actually wanted dean all along. 

Words with Friends by betts

"Dean Winchester is as straight as an arrow. He’s a lady’s man of epic proportions: the king of the one night stand, the messiah of the friends with benefits paradigm, the emperor of perpetual bachelorhood.

Except, apparently, when it comes to his best friend, Castiel Novak."

***

Wherein a longstanding acquaintanceship leads to friendship, then best friendship, then sexting, then dirty talk, then mutual masturbation, then, inevitably, fucking.

look i think you’re always in good hands with @bettsfic​. but this one has some good sexting and phone sex right at the start, which i’m totally into, and then it gets even better. cas is a lil bossy, by which i meant to say he’s the kind of bdsm geek who has equipment installed in his bedroom for sex purposes. 

You're The Only Stranger I Need by lyndsie_l

When Castiel receives a text from a stranger, he finds himself engaging in conversations daily. He's drawn to the outgoing college student and longs to interact with the other man as often as he can. Slowly, he finds himself falling in love with the other and can't imagine ever meeting a more beautiful person.

The only problem?

He's never actually met this other man.

be still my heart! a long distance/texting/phone sex thing! i want to read it again right this second. cas is such a cool nerd, dean is a brat, it’s a good time all around. 

if you enjoy these fics (and you should), please give the writer some love via kudos and/or comments. <3 

ps - as always, if i didn’t tag the writer and you know their tumblr, please tag in the comments. i don’t think there’s a writer alive who wouldn’t be happy to be on a rec list. :) 

[beaulesbian]

I decided to finally make a part two of this post, it took me half a year longer than I anticipated, but I rushed to finish it at least for June.

🏳️‍🌈 Happy pride month! 🏳️‍🌈

The Watchmaker of Filigree Street by Natasha Pulley – The best kind of subtle romance I have ever read. Includes mysterious pocket watch, solving bomb threats in Victorian London, a lady scientist, changing of future based on occurring events, an adorable clockwork octopus, and so much more! Did I mention the best, most beautiful romance I didn’t even expect to get?? Read it! (mlm main characters)

All out: The No-Longer-Secret Stories of Queer Teens Throughout the Ages by multiple authors, edited by Saundra Mitchell – This book was so refreshing to read!!! Retellings of fairy tales but queer and poc and mostly happy. I enjoyed each of the short story so so much, I don’t have words to say how much I loved this book, just, can we please have more stories like that? Thank you.

Radio Silence by Alice Oseman – Ever wanted a book with a main character boy and girl who won’t end up together by the end of the book? Then this is a book for you. Frances and Aled do not only become best friends who won’t end up together, but there’s even more diverse characters than these two main ones. This book even has an ace (demi) sexual representation, which I was very excited about, and the main character is biracial bisexual girl. There is lot of fandom talk and a radio show drama (kind of similar to Welcome to Night Vale). But also talks about other important topics like deciding that college might not be for everyone despite them being a great student in high school.

Not Your Sidekick by C.B. Lee – It’s a cute and sweet superhero themed futuristic story, first book of a trilogy I think. The main character is Vietnamese American bisexual girl, Jessika Tran, whose parents are both superheroes, but she doesn’t have any powers. She starts working for a company she later discovers belongs to town’s villains, but with time she learns that not everything about superheroes and villains is perfectly black and white. Also she’s working there with her crush, so that’s a bonus. It’s a really great book, there’s wlw romance and lot of diversity, action and silly scenes. The history behind the people’s superpowers and worldbuilding was really interesting too. The sequel is also already out, featuring a poc trans boy as the main character, who is part of Jessika‘s friend squad.

The Gentleman‘s guide to Vice and Virtue by Mackenzi Lee – A book everyone here should read!! A historical roadtrip with lot of angst, fluff and mutual pining of two of the main characters. It takes place in 18th century Europe. Monty is kind of an asshole, some moments you will hate him then you will love him, but as the journey progresses so does he. He travels with his sister, Felicity, and his best friend (and crush!) Percy, to visit few cities in Europe before he has to start work in his fathers company. This book addressed lot of issues, like white privilege and racism in that time period, sexism and ableism. But it’s also an adventurous book that’s funny and charming, and makes you feel really happy one moment and sad the next. There are also pirates!

Dreadnought by April Daniels – This is a first book of a duology about a lesbian trans girl Danny who receives superpowers after witnessing death of the superhero Dreadnought, which means she now has to become the new Dreadnought. But with the powers also becames real the ideal vision of her body, that she always wanted. She is very happy about it, but it also means she has to face her family and best friend and explain why she looks different. On top of that she has to help the other superheroes with stopping the new threat to the city, the villain who killed previous Dreadnought. Trigger warnings for transphobia, but it’s really worth to read.

Mask of Shadows by Linsey Miller – I’ve seen mixed reviews of this book but personally I loved it. It’s a fantasy YA with lgbt protagonist, that I don’t have enough of. Sal is a genderfluid, also bi? pan? thief who enters a competition to become one of Queen’s Assassins. Basically the last one standing (or rather living) takes the place. Sal knows how to fight and survive but also needs to learn other things to win this position. Like taking classes of writing/reading which teaches him a lady of court they previously stole something from, whom Sal quickly starts to like more than they should, with the competition at play. For me it was a really great book to read and I can’t wait to read the sequel!

The Upside of Unrequited by Becky Albertalli – I had to read this one quickly before Leah on the offbeat came out, and it was a joy to read this one too! Again so much representation, I love Becky’s books and the Simon vs world. This story is about Molly who has had a lot of crushes but never actually dated anyone. She’s jewish, has anxiety, is fat, loves her family, is very creative, and has another crush on a guy who is her coworker. There’s so much cuteness in this book, I was smiling and crying the whole time reading it. More for representation: her sister is gay, she has two moms, a new Korean-American pansexual friend (who her sister totally likes) and more. I need to meantion trigger warnings for fatphobia, because of part there with her relative, it made me cry so much, it was very reletable and I hated it but there was very good closure for it in the end, which I’m happy about. Anyway read this book, overall it’s a cute and happy book with lots of fluff!

Leah on the Offbeat by Becky Albertalli – I loved Leah from the Simon vs book, so I was really happy we got more focus on her. She’s fat and funny, unapologetic about who she is, in her words: “basically your resident fat Slytherin Rory Gilmore”. There was mentions she likes boys as well as girls. Because of a tour for her college she goes with Abby to see where she will live the next few years and stuff happens. And then there’s also their high school prom, which she thought she was ready for, but maybe she’s not ready for at all. I’m not even going to write more, it’s an amazing book, I cried so many times.

Timekeeper by Tara Sim – This story takes place in a Victorian era Britain where clock towers are needed for time to flow correctly. Therefore there is lot of mechanics who repair said clock towers, because if the clock stops, the town around it stops in time as well. The main character Danny is one of those mechanics in London, but his father is trapped in a town that Stopped and Danny needs to find a way to save him. But after someone tries to sabotage a clock tower in a small city, Danny is assigned in that town to fix it, and he eventually finds out that the myths he heard – that in clock towers could sometimes be seen beings, spirits of the towers – might actually be true. This book was so nice to read, there was the atmosphere of the Victorian era, mystery, cute mlm romance and awesome female characters.

I’ll give you the sun by Jandy Nelson – I cried a lot reading this book. At first it actually took me few months to read past first two chapters, because the writing style was so different from what I was used to, but after that I got absorbed in it very quickly. It’s a story about two siblings, Noah and Jude Sweetwine, who both go through some difficult times, with family, school and personal stuff, it’s about making mistakes and fixing mistakes. It’s about love, art, sibling struggles and growing up.

Other books that I read and loved and definitely recommend:

Of Fire and Stars - Audrey Coulthurst (f/f fantasy romance)

We are the Ants –  Shaun David Hutchinson (m/m)

In Other Lands -  Sarah Rees Brennan (bi mc, m/m)

Release – Patrick Ness (m/m)

Our dark duet – V.E. Schwab (sequel of duology, agender character, not much romance at all in this duology, it‘s one of my favourites)

A Conjuring of Light – V.E. Schwab (a beautiful fantasy, last book of trilogy, happy ending for m/m pairing whose each story is important throughout the whole series. Again, one of my favourite series)

Magnus Chase and the Ship of Dead - Rick Riordan (I don‘t want to spoil here but it‘s good, genderfluid representation since book two, more in this final book)

Ice crypt - Tiana Warner (sequel of the Ice Massacre, wlw romance between mermaid and human girl, who knew each other since childhood, there is third final book, Ice Kingdom, already out, but I still haven‘t read it..)

Happy reading!

(tagging few people who i think might enjoy it ♥♥: @eradne, @poefinn, @twomillionfreckles, @eliotcoldwater, @queen-max, @tsukiyam-a)

[grelleswife]

Grelle and L Lawliet? =)

For the multishipper challenge (which two characters do I ship with them?)

Grelle

Grelle x Sebastian Michaelis (Sebagrelle, “red and black”)

As you can probably figure out after spending two minutes on my blog, I am extremely passionate about Sebagrelle. In fact, it’s among my most cherished OTPs in any fandom. While I do believe that certain aspects of their personalities would need to be tweaked in order for the relationship to work (i.e. Sebastian would need to be capable of empathy, while Grelle would need to learn to respect others’ boundaries), I am convinced that this pairing is a goldmine of untapped potential. At their core, these two actually have quite a bit in common. Both are inexorably drawn to beauty, but each also possesses a wild ferocity and considerable skill in combat. I also see both of them as individuals who don’t quite fit in with their surroundings– Grelle’s a trans woman whose identity is not respected or even acknowledged by her peers, while Sebastian is a demon masquerading among mortals (and I headcanon that other demons tend to view Sebastian as an oddity due to the fact that he’s an aesthete with an inordinate fondness for cats). Their personalities also complement each other quite nicely. Grelle is sassy, vivacious, and outspoken, while Bassy is more elegant and subdued. I headcanon that Sebastian himself is genderfluid, so I could see him eventually accepting Grelle’s womanhood more readily than the other characters in the series– and that is something she desperately needs. Add the fact that their relationship would likely constitute a forbidden romance (given that demons and reapers are by their very nature at odds with one another), and you have the essential ingredients for a lovely pairing.

Grelle x Madame Red (Redcliff, “the fire and the flame” [yes, I’m that extra])

I readily admit, that, in canon, Grelle is only romantically attracted to men. As such, I don’t believe her actual relationship with Madame Red was ever sexual in nature. However, because I’m gay trash for this woman and lover her to pieces for certain reasons, I enjoy pretending that she’s bi. If that was the case, and assuming that Madame Red was also bi, this could be a delightful wlw OTP. Both ladies love red and have an impeccable sense of style, both excel in their respective professions, neither shies away from violence/breaking the rules, both are passionate individuals, etc. Just imagining them doing one another’s makeup (or Madame Red sharing her dresses with Grelle) is enough to make my bi little heart go doki-doki. And, in some AU. I love the thought of them as happily wedded wives with an adorable foster daughter or two. :D

L Lawliet

L x Naomi Misora (Lawmassacre)

I’ve gushed about this OTP in a couple of previous asks (check out the “l x naomi” tag on my blog), but I consider Lawmassacre to be an awesome yet criminally underrated ship. Besides the superficial appeal (both L and Naomi are pretty people), I see them as the ultimate power couple: Two highly intelligent, dangerous individuals serving the cause of justice, even if their underlying motives differ. With her practical attitude and kind heart, Naomi would be a good influence on L, while the froggy detective would value her worth as an agent. I could see him coming to rely on her as his right-hand woman/personal field operative. King and queen!

L x Wedy (Wedlaw? lol)

This is even more of a Death Note rarepair than Lawmassacre, but it’s grown on me. L and Wedy are both cunning, ruthless, and not afraid to resort to shady tactics in order to get what they want. I headcanon that Wedy was the person who taught L how to pick pockets, that, along with Aiber, she played an instrumental role in L’s victory in the “detective war” against Coil and Deneuve, and that L lost his v-card to her. ;) I see the relationship as an intermittent affair that the two rekindled whenever L called Wedy in for assistance with cases, and that, while not soulmates, both developed feelings for each other.

Thanks so much for the ask!

[blue--green]

FAQs

GENERAL

You didn’t write back to me! Yes I know and I am SO sorry!  Believe me – it’s not you.  I never stop writing to someone because of them – if I don’t want to write to you, I will tell you.  I stop writing because I am mentally ill and sometimes (more often than I’d like) the world gets on top of me.  

Why do you have anon on? anon hate, babe. But I’m shy and I want to send you a message… Send it anyway!  Just tell me not to post it, and unless you’re being a dick to me, I won’t. But please understand that I might not reply.  Not because of you!  But because I just don’t always have it in me to reply.  I have literally hundreds of messages in my inbox and dozens of unanswered personal messages.  It’s killing me – you all deserve answers.  I’m mentally ill.  Sometimes I just can’t. And just know that I can’t remember my own birthdate or how to spell my surname – there is nothing you could send me more embarrassing than that!

  WRITING

You’re a writer? Yes and I have had some things published under a pseudonym that I will never reveal – don’t bother asking.  But that was a long time ago.  I write fanfic and my own original work as well.  Here’s a masterpost of what I’ve put up online and here’s my AO3 I’m not the greatest writer, but I do love writing.  

Will you tag me in your writing? Yes but only if you like one of my tagging posts.  Please don’t just tell me to tag you on the end of one of my stories – I’m terrible at keeping track of everything, so those posts are my way of doing it. - Here’s the post to like if you want to be tagged in everything I write (this has links to all the other pages too) - Here’s the post to like if you want to be tagged in my MMFD writing only - Here’s the post to like if you want to be tagged in my Skyrim writing only - Here’s the post to like if you want to be tagged in my Elsa stories only

Are you ever going to finish X story? Yes. My brain is run by a dozen angry goblins who fight and squabble over who gets to drive the meat sack body at any given time.  Each one of these goblins has their own idea for a story and they won’t shut up until it’s completely done.  However sometimes one goblin is more in control and sometimes another goblin is more in charge - and I have no choice but to listen to whatever goblin is in charge. I always finish every story I start – it just takes varying degrees of time.  I’m usually working on at least half a dozen different stories at any given time – it’s the way my brain is – I have to get the stories out.  

I love your OC can I do a faceclaim? Please please please do! tag me in it.  I love seeing who you think would play them in a movie / tv series. I generally love all faceclaims unless you whitewash my oc.  Generally the race of my oc’s can’t be changed because it matters to their identity and the way the world treats them.  but if you are wanting to change the race of my characters – don’t whitewash.

I head cannon your oc as trans / queer / not-white AWESOME!  Tell me all about it!! Love it!

I have this little head cannon drabble about your oc… Write it and send it to me – I bet I’ll love it!  I get so excited for this stuff!!  If you decide to post it, just link back to the work of mine you got inspired by!

 How do you come up with ideas?  How do you write so much, so fast? I honestly don’t know. my head is a jungle (with goblins in it).  I often wonder how people don’t write like me - how do you keep all this noise in your heads?! (But apparently not everyone has this much noise in their heads.) I have a lot of insomnia and night terrors – some of my ideas come from those. \ But some just come from the goblins in my head. And for writing I just – plant the seeds and let the characters take me where they will. Sometimes they go places I didn’t expect.  I might have a trellis set up for them, but it sometimes (often) grows elsewhere and I have to move my trellis. It’s why my stories are so messy and long. I just trust myself / my head / my shitty typing fingers to tell the stories.

Why do you write so many love triangles? I know – that evil love triangle trope! I hate them.  if I have to see one more conventionally attractive, thin, white, woman in a love triangle I might punch someone named Jennifer… Yes we get it – the skinny white girl is what every man wants and no one has ever heard of a healthy polyamorous relationship - ever! BUT!  there are women out there that are never told that they are beautiful or desirable.  Big women (fat or muscular).  Women of colour.  Disabled women.  etc.  I like seeing them be loved by lots of people. Sometimes that ends up in some poly love.  Sometimes it ends up in a love triangle or love circle or love square or whatever. I want women that are never seen in positions of being loveable and desirable to see that in my writing.  

Why do you write about so many traumatic things? I may have experienced a little trauma in my life.  Writing about traumatic things is free therapy for me.  I try to do it in a responsible way.

Why do you write about bigotry etc so much? Because it exists in the world and I refuse to pretend it doesn’t or that it isn’t evil. I’ve experienced bigotry, I’ve witnessed it, I want bigotry to die in a ditch.  As with trauma, I try to write about it in a responsible way.  

How do you write such great sex? 1. I write what turns me on. 2. I’m not embarrassed by sex or by being turned on or by my own lusty thoughts. 3. I’ve had a lot of sex and sometimes (a little too often) I just write something I’ve already done.

 Why do you never edit your stories? My brain can’t focus on that – I have to get the next story out. I try not to make too many typos, but I know I do make them and I’m sorry.  

Can I make a donation to you? I am so poor – yes please!!! I made one of those ‘Buy Me a Coffee’ accounts - here

  PERSONAL

You’re sick? What happened? Are you ok? I had a staph infection (beginning of September 2017) and it went through my whole body and I went into multi-organ failure (heart and lungs).  I’ve been in and out of hospital and am still quite sick, but I’m also on the mend. Photos of me in December 2017 with my oxygen thingy Name? Emma. Star sign? Scorpio

What’s your personality type? Here’s a bunch of tests I took and results: MBTI - INFP-T 4 Temperaments – melancholic Hogwarts House – Ravenclaw Moral Alignment – Chaotic Good RHETI (Enneagram) – Types 1,2 & 4 were tied and all apply to me.  Type 5 was also tied, but applies a little less.

Country ‘Straya mate (Australia)

Do you have any pets? A kitty named Vincent – he’s the best.

Age? Probably older than you (in my late 30s.)  If you’re a minor and you don’t want me to follow you – just let me know.  

Relationship status? well after ten years with a guy named ben, he cheated on me for a year with a girl literally 20 years younger then me, and less than a month after he’d dumped me he went overseas with her to celebrate their 1 year anniversary. he left me while he was my sole care (multi-organ failure and severe mental illness) and the only source of income and also while i was at high risk of suicide.  he told me he loved me every day of our relationship - even on the day he left me.  i thought we would be together for the rest of our lives, i believed in our vows and working through our problems, but on the last day of 2017, he ended it all.  needless to say 2018 has been pretty fucking shitty.  i am at risk of homelessness and i have zero income and i’m sick as fuck. thanks ben.

sexuality? I realised I was bisexual when I was about 15.  In my late 20s when I heard of pansexual I found that I liked it and it applied to me, but I couldn’t let go of bisexual.  So I kept it.  they are both mine mwahahahaha – oh those greedy bi’s! also happy to be called queer. and on that topic - every word in the mouths of those that hate us is a slur.  i will not give them back ‘queer’ when i spent so long claiming it as mine.  they don’t get to control me. 

Are you actually fat?  Some of your pics don’t make you look fat? It’s just angles. Last time I got weighed I was 188 kilos (414 pounds) – that was at fertility doctor’s office and she told me that I shouldn’t’ be allowed to have kids cos I was fat, that fat women produced malformed kids, and likened fat parents to abusive parents.  Awesome day – I didn’t at all cry on that day.  Not once.  I put on a bit of weight then lost some since then, so I have no idea how much I weigh now and I don’t care. I follow Health at Every Size principles and since I’ve been doing that my health has improved so much over what it was when I was hating myself and trying to lose weight. Even my doctor admits that and he was staunchly against me quitting dieting and going HAES.  Now I’m trying to love myself.  And for reference – here are the pics of me

Don’t you know that you’re killing yourself being fat? I didn’t know being skinny made you immortal?? Amazing! Fuck off. Or if you want to educate yourself on why I think the way I do – start here (big fat science)

You’re mentally ill? Yep.  Diagnosed by doctor and psychologist (although I did self diagnose beforehand.  I was right so *shrugs*)

I have - C-PTSD (formally diagnosed as PTSD because C-PTSD is not recognised by the DSM, but my shrink thinks it should be and thinks I have C-PTSD), depression, anxiety, agoraphobia, depersonalisation disorder, pain disorder, excoriation disorder, claustrophobia, nyctophobia and a bunch of other things - she actually just had to write a massive letter to support me getting a disability pension - there was so much stuff on it!  i’m messed up apparently!

It’s super fun being me.

How did you get PTSD? (C-PTSD) Boy is that a story!

My half-brother Is ten years older than me raped me repeatedly when I was a child – until I was about 12 – my earliest memory is when I was about 4 and I was pleading with my parents to not make me go camping in the back yard with him alone, because I knew he’d do it to me again – but I told them it was because I was afraid of the dark.  I told my mother when I was 10 years old what he was doing – I said he ‘got on top of me and went up and down and it hurts’ – she didn’t believe me.  It kept happening.  He also like to lock me in dark closets for hours and he tried to set me on fire a few times.  Fun times (sarcasm)

My father Huge temper problem – like to use his belt to beat me – my half-brother would sometimes protect me and take the beating for me.  Wanna guess how much that messed me up? One time he nearly strangled me to death for wearing too many necklaces (which according to him made me look like a slut) – my mother had to pull him off me as I passed out He had a problem with me closing doors – my bedroom, the bathroom… which wasn’t a problem until I went through puberty.  Then he’d comment on how my body was changing – my breasts coming in, my pubic hair etc and of I was beautiful yet (I wasn’t – I never was) Always made me feel a bit icky when he hugged me, like he was copping a feel, squeezing too tight – those sorts of things.  But I always distrust these memories.  Bottom line – I don’t like believing all this bad shit about my dad.  so I always try to minimise it. Every time my mum did something bad to me and I asked him to protect me, he’d agree she was wrong, but tell me he loved her more than me so I was on my own.  The first time I remember him telling me that – I was 7.  Calls my mother stupid and hard to live with, constantly puts her down to her face and to me.  Punched holes in walls when I upset him. Told me doing drugs was fun – when I was 10.  Guess who did a lot of drugs?  Me. Verbally harangues and abuses me to this day.  My current partner says that’s he very demeaning and terrifying when he gets going. Makes excuses about his horrible child-hood giving him temper issues.  He’s been telling me horror stories from his childhood since I was a kid – it was too much for a kid to deal with. When I told him (as an adult) what my half-brother did to me he said he hadn’t known and if he had he would have done something – he agreed to never mention my half-brother’s name again or talk about him to me, and to try and get mum to comply – I’d been asking them for years to stop talking about him to me. I had a shining moment of feeling like I had an actual real father for once.  And then a few weeks later he told me that my step-brother had been raped by his father as a child and it messed him up.  I said it didn’t excuse what he did to me. So he went on to say that when he (as in my father) was a kid, his father had raped all of his sisters, and since he was the only boy, he wondered why his daddy didn’t love him.  Then he started naming my rapist repeatedly.  I’m not sure what he was trying to say with all of this – but it painfully reminded me that I in fact do not have a real father.  

My mother Was an alcoholic (sober now), who beat me, made me do all the housework (and she liked the place to be hospital clean – I was doing housework from about 5 or 6 years old), told me in detail about her sex life, and then her lack of sex life when her and dad stopped having sex (they stopped having sex when I was 16), emotionally manipulated me, used guilt constantly – even to this day, screamed and cried at me constantly… lots of emotional and mental abuse at her hands.  

Fun family. My therapist said I was surrounded by three abusers and had no safety except when one of my abusers chose to protect me from one of my other abusers.  It’s left me with a few problems.  To say the least.  I moved out at 18 by marrying a guy so I could get the fuck away from my parents.  He was emotionally distant and judgemental of my sexuality.  I stayed with him far too long because he was safe in comparison to what I’d had so far. I did the strong, repression, that childhood didn’t get me down until I was in my 20s.  had lots of sex and friends, did career things I loved in theatre and writing. Eventually needed to make real money do got an office job.  Got bullied there. Got into another job. Got bullied there. Ended up having a mental breakdown and all of this stuff came flooding in on me.  Because I never had dealt with it all – I’d just repressed it. Now in my 30s I am finally trying to actually deal with it all.  I married another guy who i thought was a good guy - who promised me everything. who told me i was safe with him, and that i coudl trust him and that he’d be with me forever. but he cheated on me for a year and dumped me after 10 years together.  knowing the trust issues and trauma background i have, he knowingly and willingly added to it by cheating on me and lying to my face for a whole year.  so that’s added to my problems! and that’s without going into the details of the problems in the relationship.  like i did things sexually for him that i woudln’t have done for anyone else because i felt like i didn’t deserve him.  and he knew that... and it kept happening anyway.  i need so much therapy!

I have real problems forming normal healthy relationships, but I have built up some close friends around me that I think of as my family, cos fuck my blood my blood relatives.  Seriously.

Can I ask you a question about your mental health / trauma? You can, but I might not answer.  It depends on where I’m at when you ask, what you’re asking, and how you ask.  It also depends on how much anxiety my inbox / messages are giving me – sometimes I just can’t look at it.

 If you have any other questions you’d like added to this, send me a message!

 I love you all – thank you for reading this!!

[fanfictionlive]

The (not so!) Ultimate Guide to Transgender Fanfics.

First of all this is by no means an inclusive or full list. I mean, I suppose I could just copy everything that uses the "canon trans character" or "gender dysphoria" Tag on ao3, but that could possibly be problematic. I can only vouch for those I've read.

Yesterday I had a talk with some awesome guys about representation of trans men in smut. Which inspired me to write this list. Most of the stories don't feature transmen, or smut, however, as I don't seek that sort of content much. Just as a Warning.

So without further ado, here's a list of some I have read and enjoyed:

Magical Metamorphosis - A harry Potter one, it is kind of heavy to read. However what caught my attention was the event that triggered the whole discovery, as it was something that had passed through my mind once or twice before.

Raven's Colours - Technically not the best written thing in the world, and associting harry potter and even a !trans girl Harry, with the name Raven is asking for trouble, this one stands in contrast with the previous one due to how light it is. There's some implications but nothing super dark or bad. It makes me smile. (blind Harry)

Insert Pun about Miss Justice - Probably the only trans edgeworth story around. It conveys the wackiness of the ace attorney japamerican universe very well. Shame it's so short.

I knew you Once - A frozen fanfic with characters from tangled intermixed, this one cuts deep and close to me. I haven't been able to read it more than once due to how much it reminds me of my life. With that said I remember it being written quite well even if, for obvious reasons, I can't really confirm it.

Hey Nicki! - There are probably a dozen or so stories which explore how the predator/prey relationship would extend to trans mammals in the world of zootopia. I enjoy this one, it's fluffy and cute and - Sometimes you need to see a character in your situation handling it well to see it's not that bad. (!Mtf Nick, Zootopia)

Bloom - Life is Strange fanfic, I have it on my phone and read it about two times a month. It's probably one of the fics that treats the issue with more respect, and portrays real relationships super well. Delves into polyromantic relationships in the lter half. NSFW. (Trans girl Max)

How the other half lives - Poignant, beautiful, kind of filled with unfortunate implications? Nsfw. Involves body swap, via drugging, which is dealth with appropriately. (My little pony: friendship is Magic.)

My story, from blind follower to leader of my own gender, a silver spoon story - I wrote this one, so I might be biased. I wrote it while questioning, a FtM (well technically mare to stallion), story, which chronicles how a background character realises it and uses it to improve their life. Was used as the basis for a short story published professionally. It's probably not as good as the others, just adding it out of bias. (oneshot, MLP)

The Person Inside - Another Mlp fanfic, it's probably amongst my favorites in the site. Unfortunately real life caught with the author, who has had to delay updates. Anyway, it's cute, it's cynical, it's snarky, I utterly love this fanfic. (Mtf, My little pony: Equestria girls, or, humanised my little pony)

What's in a name - From the same author, not sure of whether or not it classifies as transgender. Basically human male gets turned into pregnant pony mare, shenanigans, and much cuteness ensues. I check for an update every day, even if I already follow it. (My little pony)

Music to his Ears - Short but great. You can have everything, fame, a loving partner, but what does it mean for you if you don't feel comfortable with yourself? Notable for it to accurately represent transiction (well, to a pony extent, I gues), with all the delays, questioning, and trouble before someone can move forward. (My Little Pony)

The Dysphoria Saga - Widely regarded as some of the best written, and most important works in the mlp fim trans fandom, I've never read them, but I would be a fool not to include them. 5 arcs so far. (My little Pony)

end of list

extra notes: Currently the mlp fandom has 192 (and counting) transgender works registered, though more are sure to be around and not added to the group. If you're still looking at something to read, you can take a look at it, here , ratings should indicate what stories are good or not (if you take into consideration that every trans story receives a few downvotes)

extra, extra notes: These are just the ones I know and have enjoyed. If you've got any suggestions of your own, feel free to list them in the comments.

Thank you for clicking on this link, I believe diversity is probably one of the (many) strong points for fanfics over traditional publishing. Enjoy your reading!

submitted by /u/SomecallmeMichelle [link] [comments] from FanFiction: Where Magical Ponies battle Imperial Titans http://ift.tt/2hEQJwd

[totalkpoptrash]

Get To Know Me Tag

    I was tagged a while ago by @awkwardlyjin !!! Thank you for the tag sorry it took me so long I’ve been so busy!

Name: Melissa

Nicknames: Hoboy let’s start this I have a million. My husband calls me Cabbage (I’m married, it’s a thing haha) and he calls me sauerkraut when I’m grumpy XD (Get it, because sauerkraut is pickled cabbage... okay lol it’s stupid :3)He also calls me Bug. My main nickname that my friends call me is Missa, because I always hated being called Missy growing up and liked Missa instead. My mom calls me Boo Boo or Sissy most of the time, or Melsiemae, which is a mash up of my first and middle names. My dad calls me Scooter Bird or Scooter. One of my brothers occasionally calls me Cheese Head, Walrus Head, or Stinkerbell when he’s using childhood nicknames that he used to use to pick on me. My foster brother ALWAYS calls me Little One. My aunt only refers to me as Miss Melissa. She never says my name without the Miss before it haha. In high school a lot of people called me Panda. I go by Axiss on a lot of forums and stuff like Steam and Skype and in games with friends etc. I have two very close friends that started calling me Melrose about 5 years ago and they still call me that lol. Some people also call me Mel. But for the most part, Missa is the easiest way to get me to respond to you hahaha.

Gender: Female

Star Sign: Pisces

Height: 5'2

Sexual Orientation: Basically pansexual. I’m not as worried about gender or identity as long as there is attraction. 

Hogwarts House: Gryffindor!

Favorite Color: Green, black, silver (All slytherin colors ahaha) purples and bright purples, really saturated blues.

Favorite Animal: Dogs, wolves, snakes and horses oh and rats!

Time Right Now: 11:21 PM

Average Hours of Sleep: Uhhh.... maximum of like...5 on a night that I sleep a lot >.>

Cat or Dog Person: Dog

Favorite Fictional Character: Oh how do I even begin to answer this?!?!?! So many! But for the sake of being lazy I’ll say... Probably Darth Vader. He’s so cool XD

Dream Trip: I would love to go to somewhere overseas like Germany or Japan, any kind of new culture and experiences are always great. I have a lot of heritage in Germany so that would be cool. But I’d be super happy also to go back to Disneyland. Yes I’m in my late 20s and Disneyland is still my favorite place. Deal with it >.<

When Was This Blog Created: Uhhh.... a few months ago. I think like... September? October? I can’t remember lol.

When did your blog reach its peak: I don’t think it has yet. I only have like 60 followers but that’s okay :3

What Made You Decide to Make a Tumblr: I didn’t want to flood my other blog with kpop when I mostly posted stuff about bone collecting and art and whatever music I was into at the time and just random stuff, so I made this blog instead and kind of abandoned my old one... @miss-wicked if anyone wanted to check that one out lol. (Warning, some NSFW stuff there on occasion)

How Old Are You: 27

What Are You Talented At: Music! I have always had good rhythm and I was in choir all my life and I can read music and time signatures and stuff. I used to play guitar a little (not very well) but I had to pawn my guitar for gas money to move across the country in 2015 and never got a new one. I also think I’m really good at my job but circumstances are a little garbage at the place I’m working right now with my management team so it’s been really frustrating.

What Is A Big Goal You Are Working Towards: Getting myself back into a supervisor position at work and shoving my foot in stupid manager’s faces. Getting back into art, because it makes me happy. Losing some weight/being more active and eating a little better in general because that also makes me feel better about myself.

What’s your aesthetic: Roaring bonfires, the energy of a crowd at a concert, the Olympic national rain forest. Laying on a trampoline in the middle of the night in the summer with friends. Stacks of novels that have been read over and over and show wear on the bindings. Socks with little holes in the toes. Fingerless gloves and to go cups. Standing at a bus stop early in the morning and dancing alone on the side of the highway. Walking the dog at 3AM when the world can’t see me dancing to the songs that mend the holes in my heart. Cigarette smoke trailing up into the air over a group of people who share a common bond. (I’m gonna try to quit that this year, universe save me from myself) Angry tears that come with lyrics that speak to my soul. Late night chats with global friends. Tumblr. (I’m pretty sure I just summed myself up haha)

Do you collect anything: bones from animals who have died of natural causes, Warhammer 40k models (nerd alert), stuffed animals! Star wars stuff, comic books stuff.

What is a topic you always talk about: Kpop haha, and kdramas, but really just music in general. I will never shut up about music. I talk about my job a lot too, and lately it’s complaining more than talking haha. Scientific advances that I think are really cool. Robotics. Legends and folklore.

What is a pet peeve of yours: Leaving jelly/jam on the counter instead of wiping it up if someone spills it! Being called Missy.

Good Advice: Life moves forward one day at a time, try to move with it instead of clinging to the problems of the past. Things have a way of working out, maybe not always for the best. the thing that seems like an impossible crisis today will find a way to resolution, even if it isn’t exactly what you hope for. Try to make the most of whatever may be, and do what you can to help things work out for the best.

Recommend three songs: 

Dreams by Rogue. This song is something beautiful to me. I really enjoy a lot of techno/industrial/dubstep stuff and this is one of my favorites. The lyrics are simple but meaningful. I really enjoy the vocals. One of my faves for sure.

The Evil in Me by Combichrist. This song is really slow and sort of dark feeling? I love this band so much and I even got to meet them and hang out with them a few years ago. The vocalist, Andy, has a really pleasant voice and accent, and the lyrics of this one are also interesting to me.  

“Nothing really matters here We're dying by default, You're searching for serenity, You're to late.

Cause there is nothing left In the nether world, Another world is rising, And we're doomed to face our faith.”  I always just thought it was an interesting song and I love the way it sounds.

Honeybee by Steam Powered Giraffe. These guys are pretty awesome (Okay guys and girl, The main vocalist, Rabbit with the goggles on his hat is trans and she goes by Bunny now) and I have a fondness for this song because it was the first song I heard from them, and also because my name means Honey Bee in Greek XD I wanted to give some non kpop suggestions and all of these songs are also not pop or mainstream stuff! I hope people will give them a listen to get a taste for some new music! I figured if I posted kpop songs everyone would already know them hahahaha.  Thanks again for the tag! I’ll just tag anyone who wants to do it since I’m not sure who has already lol.

[spacecharr]

Black Rose Sesh Report V

i think it’s number five at least.

Here we go again:

fuck having a bum shoulder. again. seriously, fuck it. right in the asshole.

ok

the trip back wasn’t an odyssey so much as it was a revelation-filled romp.

also chillhop music makes me seriously so lyrical. it’s... it’s like I’m helpless, but I’m also scared that people might see me as a pretentious bitch or something, but I also recognize that maybe this is just my anxiety or some shit? 

thought looops, like frooot loops

oh yeah!

revalations

one: holy fuck I am so fucking bi.

there was this couple heading back -- WAITTTTT

how could I almost forget Oliver?!

ok

People I met on the romp back:

(wait tags)

(ok, back to here - but ow, fuck)

Eric, Lisa, and Oliver the Dog.

amazing neighbors who’ve lived in the area for a long ass time. also Oliver is cleverly named due to the location.

the black cat that I thought was a little girl twin of my handsome boy? nope! He’s an adorable little psychopath named Merlin! he loves people, is adorable, vocal, cuddly, his owners are this amazingly punk rock lady and this guy who could be like a secret badass punk nerd from accounting or something. And he’s a bit psycho ‘cause he does the whole “snuggle up to your leg to purr and cuddle you, ask for belly rubs, then will attack your hand”. My Zi doesn’t do that at all. He will give you maaaaaany warning bops with his back legs, no claws, before he begins to lazily warning bite you.

Alright, ok. 

Revelations.

one: I am so fucking bi.

there was this couple heading home from a run. both of them were HELLA FINE. I mean, of the two I’d prefer the dude, but if I could have both of ‘em, then hell yes I would.

I have the preference namely because the lady was wearing matching pink shirt and scrunchie - and that get up on a wavy blonde made me think of that character from the Arnold the Armadillo show and I don’t like her as much.

they were wearing matching running tights, the girl was wearing pink and the guy was wearing orange (my favourite colour).

Both probably within my age range, maybe in their 30s.

The guy was super in shape, bony, broad, muscled shoulders and a runner’s taper. 

Gal was thicc and had a face that looked like Denaerys Targarean (idk how the fuck to spell that name rn)

two: I’m living in my dream neighborhood, basically, and living my dream.

where I’m at, I just went out for a walk to a park - it felt like I was at a lake. 

there’s dogs everywhere, and friendly people who own those dogs. people with stories to tell, who are happy to sit down and chat.

there’s beautiful people where I live. All sorts of beautiful people. (see revelation one: I am hella bi - and for any biphobes out there, remember that bi means i find more than one gender attractive. think about that for a sec, I’ll wait.)

there are couples in their 30s with no kids, so this place is fairly childfree.

there are people leading alternative lifestyles all around me, mixed in and living side by side harmoniously with neighbors who are more traditional. including couples even who are made up of a “normal” looking person and someone visibly living that alternative lifestyle.

today has been filled with so many LGBTQ encounters of other LGBTQ people living visibly out - whether they’re living out to prove a point, living out because it’s right for them, living out despite the fear, living out because it’s fun to, etc, etc. - that it makes me so happy to see.

there was a dude in this really fancy sports car - likewise somewhere in this 30s - which almost everyone at the intersection had to turn their heads to appreciate

there was this guy with a beard (beards are so attractive) balancing on this fancy looking road bike (god, I love bikes) - makin’ that choice for whatever his reason is, but it’s one I love because we need more bikes and less cars

on my way home, and this ties into the point below, I passed under a balcony where several ladies where having a girl’s night and discussing things.

and it turned into this awesome look on feminism in a way because they were talking about I think female genital mutilation (these are all ladies in their late 30s or older - lots of talk of husbands, etc) and how there’s so many women still having it done to them.

one of the ladies mentioned how some man in her life somewhere (she mentioned how she knew, but there was a dog I was distracted by when she explained, so I didn’t really catch it) was talking about how less girls get mutilated than boys or something. And she was like “well i don’t know the numbers for boys, but even if it is higher, that’s still six--(some ridiculously large number like 600 million or something, or 600 thousand...) and then that means there’s even more children being mutilated than that because the boys get mutilated more often.” 

like, holy shit, a man engaging in “oppression olympics” when a woman was just trying to express her shock that any children are being mutilated - and that he was being excited for winning a gender competition for “whose gender is mutilated the most as young, helpless babies?!”!

anyways, that little aside aside

holy fuck my shoulder hurts

I was thinking I could do this part as part of the stream of conscience further down, but I don’t think I can hold out that long.

So ok, I separated the AC joint (or something like that) in my right shoulder from some bungled board breaking I did during a parade with my karate club. Boards got rained on and my student and I still broke them.

I bungled this break only in that the first two elbow attempts didn’t work - the board was way too wet and it bounced both the elbows back. So I resorted to  hammer fist to break it and boooooo. I wanted to elbow it.

But yeah, turns out I’m hurting.

But I’m not sure if I am or not. Again, this is probably anxiety? or maybe another revelation.

But like, I’m confused. Would a separated shoulder take 48hrs to fully onset in terms of the pain and symptoms? Cause I felt like I was sore, but still able to do thinsg. Then when I went in yesterday to see my chiro for a scheduled appt from way before the parade, I mentioned my shoulder pain.

he ran two quick assessments on me and diagnosed me with a separated AC joint. it’s on the mild side, but it’s still a separated shoulder he said. and since them I’ve been way more conscious of it and I wonder - is it because he told me something’s wrong and I’m “pretending” because I’m hyper-aware of any sensation in the area? Or did it really just take until now for it to start being so bothersome?

--- another aside within aside within aside: I’m starting to feel suuuuper sleepy.

but then also, I’m high. I’m high on 50mg edible THC and 1/2 a 210mg joint. I should be pretty medicated by now, we can all agree. And I do feel a familiar stoner feel from the indica. Nice heavy body feel. But through it all, my neck, shoulder and lat are just screaming at me occasionally.

Especially my neck. 

And my shoulder when I go to use my right arm - reaching, etc. OHHHHHH!!!! It hurts more today than yesterday because I did karate this morning!!!!! And I pushed (but didn’t hurt) myself a bit because I wanted to train with our guests.

ok.

I get it now.

I’m not crazy, it legit hurts. I’m not being a wuss, I’m being realistic. Okay.

SEE!?! WEED! REVELATIONS!

Dammit, guys, weed really is a therapist. 

Have I even told you guys I’m a relatively new stoner? Like, just since it got legalized in Canada, and like, in November? So a lot of those like random “crazy-ass” stoner stereotypical phrases that I used to make fun of and think were like “oh, hurr durr, only stupid stoners who can’t think straight think like that” - they’re TRUE!!!! holy fuck, guys.

Hm, also, I think I am definitely going to be able to ride along and let the shrooms take me where they will next weekend. I’m ready for it. I’m excited for it. I feel like there will be so many more breakthroughs.

OH! yes, returning.

So, those ladies and talking about not even feminism, but just out in the open, within earshot of people on the street (fair, they’re just having an open air convo on their own personal balcony - everyone else is on the public sidewalk, the acoustics in this area are just very conducive), talking about statistics about women.

It’s so awesome that I live ina  place where that can happen.

That I live in a place where a trans woman and her lesbian girlfriend can walk through the park. Where an openly lesbian couple, an openly gay couple, two best dude friends (and or maybe another gay couple, it’s not like they were dressed in rainbows or held hands or anything), a single dad with two kids, a single stoner, and all sorts of straight couples can just all exist alongside each other without anyone feeling pressured or attacked or anything.

It’s awesome.

Ok. My shoulder is really hurting. I know I’m not being a wuss with this now.

Though I have to say, as much as this fucking sucks, I still wouldn’t trade it for my experience as a martial artist. Now I know for next year, and I can protect my younger students now since I know that wet boards are so harsh on even my body - it’d tear out the shoulder of some of our younger kids. And I can experiment with drying the boards a bit more so they’re more brittle and won’t bounce back. 

I think if I had been doing a single break in a controlled setting like a dojo instead of needing to set up in as few steps as possible and break and move on quick so you don’t hold up the route, I could have broken it. But as it was, it’s not possible for me to courteously summon up the concentration for a break like that on a parade route.

I’m gonna just relax for a while. Probably find some anime to watch. I wanted to draw, but I don’t think my shoulder’s up for it. I’ll have to try to remember the imagery.

It’s like, space-sci-fi dystopia future-wave sort of thing but with lower tech and more slum-like. cartoony. cel shaded. primariy colours: orange-brown, blue/purple like vaporwave, red, orange-orange, maybe some yellow/yellow-white.

guys, weed is magical. I love weed. I mean, I’m a highly functioning member of society. I live a frugal lifestyle, but I kill it at work, I’m becoming highly involved in my community, etc. 

it’s crazy how there’s that stoner stereotype, but honestly I’d say that’s just the entertaining minority. the minority we all like to smoke along with. XD

ok, that’s a wrap on this part. maybe more, maybe not. dunno.

in anycase, fuck bum shoulders, stay chill, and see ya in space.

...srsly should I do audios?

[we-are-threadmage]

I've seen you post some really awesome stuff for a long while now, and maybe you can help me out. I have a friend who is a plus sized lady who needs 4x and 5x clothes. She loves dresses, nerdy stuff, and the hipster/ punk/ rockabilly style of clothes. She used to shop at Torrid and Hot Topic but she no longer fits their sizes. Do you know of, or can you find with your thready magical powers, a site or 9 where she can get her clothes? I hate seeing her so down because her wardrobe is ill fitting.

First, thanks so much for being such a good friend and proactively trying to help: finding out that someone went and did research or sought expertise on an issue you’re burdened with gives a warm feeling I can hardly explain (speaking as a disabled chronically ill person).

Second, I’m absolutely not an expert partly because I have the luxury of not having to deal with this- I may have trouble getting to the store and shopping without making myself ill but I can just walk into any store I want and find something that vaguely caters to my body size.

I therefore tried to reach out to my friends who do struggle to find clothes more than I do as well as doing research (of course I’m going to try and help!) but I just want that context clear.

I’ve accumulated linked suggestions, related posts, and general tips and they’re all also tagged “Plus size ask”.

Your friend is facing a mountain of unfair issues; to a great extent she has no choice but to spend more time looking, more money, more time failing, more money, and also in other ways more money, just to clothe her body at all let alone do so how she wants (to say nothing of how little choice she has in doing so given that if she doesn’t the nastiness increases exponentially).

Depending on how she feels, it may help her to know that her body size is just like my disability: we have essentially no control over it and it’s not wrong - it’s the context of our society refusing to acknowledge, respect and integrate us that makes it a problem.

And/or she’s like, yeah, no, I know and all but I need to not be naked so like get to the useful stuff, lady!

Most of the go-to plus size options me friends mentioned are the ones she’s sized out of; she’s running into the next ‘subdivision’ of access in that it’s a bit better than it used to be for people up to 2 or 3x but anything past that is almost invisible. The farther you go to the edge of any demographic bell curve the harder it is.

My very tall and large friendo did mention that she mostly found clothing by happening to befriend her cadre of trans ladies as they had similar issues to her when it came to clothing options; your friend may also find a significant overlap with the queer community that may or may not help them.

Places I personally checked:

Modcloth- up to 4x-specific plus size section, decent range of styles and types of clothing, inherently more expensive ranging from moderate to very much money, often have detailed reviews which helps one find good investment pieces or fit, personally I’ve had good luck with the support staff for advice, only to 4x not higher that I could see

Fat Owl Fashion- variably to 4x- very new queer, disabled company, selection therefore limited but they are also committed to each new piece being available to anyone and everyone, I suspect they will be very responsive to customers (especially loyal ones) so it’s one to support/watch

Rainbow Shops- variably up to 4x- specific plus size section with intensive filtering options, significantly cheaper (both in price and apparent construction quality), wide style range, wide clothing type range, struck me as a ‘fast fashion’ style store in that things likely change frequently and may sell out quickly although there is always a clearance section

Fat Girl Flow.com- variably up to 5, 6x- entirely geared towards the plus size shopper but with new and therefore limited stock (likely to expand), more than anything this is a blog and a resource goldmine for other resources by someone with actual expertise and worth trawling and following for tips, reviews, special interest articles like budget or swimwear, etc.

Killstar- up to 4x- specific (newish?) plus size section, very much a goth site so certain pieces might help her inject a nice edge or it’s a wash for her depending on her style, only up to 4x not higher that I could see

Chubby Cartwheels- up to 5x- entirely geared towards the plus size shopper, an independent designer out of her home so pros include unique/interesting style and customer attention ( ie “Custom sizing on skater dresses and bodysuits are free, so please don't hesitate to ask!”) cons being limited options/ runs at any given time, medium price point

NerdyKeppie on Etsy- up to 5x- nerdy, queer, disabled independent designer (and cool person if you wanna follow on tumblr at vaspider, Em’s gotten a number of things from them, some custom), dedicated to high quality, durable, ethical, and affordable to the community (a tall combined task, ye?), this means nothing is cheap ($) but also nothing is... cheap(shoddy), it’s also worth noting that they are happy to do custom orders (no extra charge) they just can’t spend the money on permanent listings so you just have to ask (I’m guessing if you require actual extra hours to draw a new image you would accordingly pay for that work but not to just put an existing image on a different shirt style, etc)

On the topic of etsy artisans I suspect there’s lots of others somewhere in there- finding them being the rub. I think it could be time well spent in that she might well find a small handful of designers who really speak to her and are worth being loyal to. If she has to spend more money, it may as well come with better customer service, unique designs, some assurance of quality, and supporting an artist. I think over time a sort of ‘stable’ of independent people she checks on will yield better investment pieces and, eventually, a piece of mind and return of the delight of shopping.

Similarly, I think her best bet is seeking the expertise of people who live this more than me- even if they can shop up to 3x, say, they will still be more likely to know the 5x options out there as well as have strategies on stretching a budget and wardrobe, etc. I recommend she check out plus size beauty/fashion vloggers as listed on this post (Nabela Noor is another). Again I’ve not gone through their work but only she can know what speaks to her (and might find it affirming and fun?)

I found one compilation list post here; I’d recommend either pre-screening for her or being prepared for a high fail rate simply because much of it doesn’t match what I saw and she’s experienced. My guess is it’s old (only a year but) and plus size availability is as inconsistent and ephemeral as gluten free stocks- you pray, dance, and sacrifice a goat plushie each time you go.

I think she’ll go the least crazy if she accumulates a bookmark folder of experts, blogs (like fff.com above), and artists that she can therefore peruse periodically and regularly. That way she has the breathing room to really pick and choose investment pieces, snap up great limited runs or deals, and generally minimize constantly being stuck with mediocre/good enough/ sale-bin-for-a-reason options while glaring at ‘sold out’ stickers mournfully. There’s just so many things limiting availability so I think the regular browse rather than only going ‘as needed’ will serve her better (the way things work at thrift stores or TJmaxx -type places for instance).

My last and either best or worst suggestion depending on her life is that she consider learning to sew. Many of the designers listed started out where she is and just threw up their hands and started making what they couldn’t find. There’s obviously the issue that it will pay off only after the time and money of learning and one-time equipment but with a decent sewing machine you can actually go quite far with a small handful of easy techniques. It only gets crazy when you’re into engineering complicated things like formal gowns, but once you have a couple patterns you like for basics you can make them over and over with endless fabrics or tweaks (one pattern may contain a few neckline and sleeve options for a dress, say, which you can also chop into two so it’s really multipurpose). These days there’s a vibrant maker community online and in person so you can teach yourself almost anything. 

It may be an expensive hassle she doesn’t want to deal with (and while you can get great budget fabric oh boy can you get in trouble :wiggles fingers in imaginary heavy plush weights:). But it might be something empowering that she can do and learn and take control of, so it was worth mentioning.

{Oh my gods I just looked up and saw how long this is, cool cool cool. One final note Chubby Cartwheels happened to incidentally come on my dash while I worked on this, so you will find that post in this ask tag too.}

Thanks again, and best of luck to your friend and her most excellent body in an un-excellent world!