spacecharr

[spacecharr]

Watching Oxboxtra play Mario Party while pleasantly high after my first rock climbing class in yeaaaaars. Feels good, bro.

[spacecharr]

been a while

So, it's been a while.

I had a bit of a hiccup mental health wise, but am slowly edging back to normal. Anxiety is a bitch.

Full disclosure, I'm drafting this while high the morning hours of 4/20/20, sitting in on a training session for a new tool for my job. Workin remote from home.

This high feels like a really good reminder of what the goals I was chasing before my little mental health flare up were. Maybe it's because I'm finally getting used to the shock of the current situation, or because winter seems to have finally died, but I feel like this is a really "inspiring" sorta sesh. This really reminds me of the way I used to smoke weed when I first started.

I've been introspecting for the last hour or so of my day, able to reflect a lot of the ways my life isn't meeting what I want out of it in a stoic sort of way.

Usually this sort of introspection would result in me spiraling into an overly self-critical pessimistic storm. But while I'm high on some Rainbow Mint it's a much more optimistic exercise.

A few of my realizations and thoughts, which will likely end up as goals:

I'm becoming increasingly dissatisfied with my current living situation, vis a vis my apartment namely.

Nevertheless, it's still something to be grateful for and thus treat it with more care.

I have stagnated in progress and allowed previous trauma and issues to "bully" me in a way to avoid pursuing things that I want or that would benefit me because of a mental narrative that I have from being raised by a narcissist.

My stoicism is good, but it has often been morphed by my good ol’ Catholic Guilt(TM) and Millennial Paranoid Frugality(R), into habitually denying myself things that would help me, bring my happiness or ease, or improve my life.

There’s nothing holding me back from creating a better life for myself, except for... well... my own damn self, lol. So the step now is to get myself outta my own way and spend some concerted, deliberate time chasing these goals down.

I’m still struggling with the War-on-Drugs mentality my parents raised me with, since I keep having periods of time where I worry that using weed to keep my anxiety at bay and enable me to experience a sort of optimism that helps me tackle life more fully is actually me just being a “druggie”. But I’ve had several meetings with doctors that have legitimized my use of it to me, so that narrative just doesn’t hold up any more.

Anywho, gonna get on with my day. Just wanted to check in with a bit of a breakthrough from my morning 4/20 sesh.

I’ll defs be celebrating 4:20 4/20. Maybe even post a pic of my celebratory Charlotte’s Web joint pre-Diablo III marathon to level cap.

[spacecharr]

Weed Blend 001: Cosmos Blend

Don't fucking judge my naming conventions, you cockwaffles

Comprises of:

Jack Herer

Tangerine Dream

Red Congo

Effects:

Sativa blend

Some CBD

Consumed by combustion (joint)

Ideas flowing like hell

Lookit my last two posts and you basically have it.

[spacecharr]

Post-Trip Realisation 002

Deets: T+10 Days 1.5g GT, lemon-ginger-honey tea

Weed and shrooms are fucking amazing for your creativity and mental health (when used safely and blah blah blah gotta be PC and/or appease the dinosaurs)

I honestly feel like I am overwhelmed with how many amazing options, possibilities, ideas, and shiny new objects there are to chase in life.

It’s like childlike wonder

but combined with a professional adult’s ability to “adult” and actually do the things I’m so in awe of

I’ve begun to realize my own strengths, and as someone who grew up with a crippling self-image problem and has only just started to actively feel like she has had her anxiety strongly in hand and under control in the last four months, that is a big deal for me

I’m honestly so stoked guys. I think I legit jus figured out my life for me. like, not all of it, but just... like how I can make my life the best version of what it could be, y’know?

Again, it’s that childlike ability to just spitball ideas, brainstorm madly in my head, immediately be sold on some and so on

and then the professional adult has the business degree, the HR experience, the corporate experience and all the ideas of who to reach out to for more ideas and more support

and then the two combine like those saiyan kids (I’ll find a gif) and now I have all these ideas AND ideas on exactly how to make them a reality.

It’s like being an ideas person, then an entrepreneurial person, then an execution and follow through person, and THEN being a serial repeater of all of them.

wtf guys

legit limitlessing

ON WHAT I WOULD CALL A LEVEL 1 TRIP

I thought my inaugural session wasn’t gonna be a teacher

holy shit I was wrong

and now I reaaaaaaaallly need to work

I mean, I used to think I’d have a problem fasting for weight loss (I’m doin’ snake diet because my friend really had great success with it and he’s guiding me along. His girlfriend did it with him and she’s pretty much who I wanna be when I get to goal weight - she’s my same height, Asian as well, and has a rocking bod.

oh that reminds me, there’s gonna be a new acupuncturist starting soon and apparently she has an amazing body too - the girlfriend I mentioned in the point above, being herself someone who prides herself in a beautiful body, said that this new acupuncturist has the same kinda body she and I are aiming for. Capped shoulders, defined arms, visible abs. And apparently she’s also a really great acupuncturist and is also really sweet. :D

Also- high me is a cat enrichment genius. Or Trivia’s been rubbing off on me. Z’s old fishing rod cat toy thing broke and I had tied the surviving line and the lure onto his cat tower. Recently I saw him finally getting interested in the cubby in the cat tower, so I cleared it out (I’d used it to store his training supplies before) and taped the lure to the inside of the cube. BAM! Instant new toy! >w<

[spacecharr]

Good fucking lord, I can see through time and perceive the cosmos.

basically how my brain feels right now

[spacecharr]

Another virtual smoke spot to sit at if the weather’s bad outside tomorrow morning. :D

[spacecharr]

Relatable as fuck.

[spacecharr]

Footage shows the devastating moment ICE agents broke through a man’s window and detained him while his two young kids were in the car.

Can’t believe this is actually happening. 

[spacecharr]

Post-Trip Reflection 001

Deets T+5 Days from the trip 1.5g GT, Ginger-Lemon-Honey Tea

So my trip was 5 days ago and I feel like I'm still learning new things. It's incredible. Even though it wasn’t the “teaching” I wanted, I’m realizing there’s still a shit-ton for me to integrate, it just wasn’t “pulled out” in front of me as strongly as I anticipated/expected/wanted.

I've found that my ideas are flowing amazingly unimpeded, my confidence and optimism (I've fucking been a nihilistic cynic my whole life - I have optimistic realism now, what the fuck!!!!), I am ACTUALLY happy, and I'm confident.

Examples of the idea thing:

I was in a meeting for 4 hours and - I mean, the subject matter was legit interesting, it’s emerging tech, but still - retained not just focus, but I had so much engagement and ideas that I legit may have just created a new project team.

I feel like I’m fuckin’ beautiful minding it.

I have two 11x17 mind charts of interlocking ideas for 3 applications, how I could sell this thing - AND I HATE SELLING SHIT - to almost anyone, and I have almost national-scale transformational applications AND the plans on how to get in on the ground level and engage on companies on multiple levels.

I mean, holy fucking shit, guys my brain is literally hemorrhaging ideas.

I mean, even outside of work ideas have been flowing.

The confidence things are an interesting mix:

I give no fucks now. About so many things.

I give no fucks about how others see me. I don’t give a shit if you all think I’m a crazy little nerd for nerding out over tech stuff. I don’t give a shieeeeet if you think I’m “capitalist scum” because I’m finding markets for my international level, home-grown start consulting firm. I also don’t give a fuck for all the legit capitalist scum who exist in the tech industry AND in my company (not many of ‘em by virtue of our culture, but still some and unfortunately they’re influential), because I can see ways for my work to make significant social change and I’m gonna push to sell it to or find ways to get it to people who could use this tech for good.

I give no fucks about who gets credit for this shit. My ego can get fucked. All I want is to have fun at work, enjoy what I do, and continue to build what I have going. 

I legit don’t give a fuck if I get recognition. Would it be nice? Sure. But I’m still gonna do this all without it, because what the fuck do I care.

Plus here’s some bonus reflections:

My emotions are heightened - but my anxiety is absent.

I was so “in love” with everyone on my trip day - I gushed to my best friend/tripsitter about how much I (platonically) loved her and how she’s the greatest. I also gushed to another friend who dropped by that I respect and like him too much for me not to be who I really am with him.

If my “happiness baseline” is 3/5, I’ve been at a 4.5/5 for the last 5 days. And was at a 6/5 during the trip.

My favourite PM is being pulled out of my projects with her and instead is working on a bigger project. I was legit so sad because I love this woman. Her work ethic, professionalism, mix of personal and professional, and her just... she’s just awesome. I have a crush on her, legit. I was deeply sad...

but I wasn’t anxious

Anxiety is ABSENT

Lemme repeat that for those in the back.

MY ANXIETY IS ABSENT

I have forgotten to take my SSRIs 2x this week. Maybe even more. Legitimately have forgotten.

And I have felt AMAZING FUCKING AMAZEBALLS.

Honestly, I have felt all the heightened emotions, but it’s been even better because I can differentiate between “me” and “my emotions”.

Where before, I would have felt that intense sadness, and it would have triggered (or the situation itself would have) a spiral into being depressed and sad and anxiously hypothesizing in all the ways my work life is gonna tank now that my favourite PM is being taken from me.

But instead, I was able to genuinely celebrate that she’s moving into a really prominent project. And I didn’t even feel any anxiety. Even thinking about it now, the only thing going through my mind is “eh, fuck it, I’ll find some way to still enjoy work”.

“I’LL FIND SOME WAY TO STILL ENJOY WORK”

WHAT THE MOTHER FUCK HAVE THESE DONE TO ME?!

This is legitimately amazing.

Motivation has increased:

While I’ve broken my fasting habits this week, I’ve still managed to do a lot with it.

Also, I’VE FUCKING CLEANED MY PLACE

Not all the way, but it’s easy for me now to make time to do it. 

I’ve hit the gym again and find it easy to “flow” into it.

My attention and enthusiasm have become so strong, it’s lmoast like I don’t know how to contain myself.

Energy

Related to the last of the above

Legit, I feel like I should just be running around full speed.

Honestly I was considering taking Ritalin or stacking ECH to get this sort of actionability - both of those would have fuckin’ wrecked me. 

But shrooms are natural, the fractals are fucking beautiful, and they have little risk if you use them responsibly.

Whereas if you fuckin’ use Ritalin responsibly then you still get fucked in the ass by it.

I wanna see if maybe I can accelerate the reduction of my pharmaceutical SSRIs by microdosing. I’m nervous about fucking it up, but I actually think it’ll improve my life more than making it worse. And that’s not the shroom goggles talking. 

That’s based off reading into the studies done by John Hopkins, my conclusions after reading through most of Michael Pollan’s How to Change Your Mind, and all my other research into weed, shrooms, and psychedelics.

Honestly, dudes, I have no words. 

Microdosing’s gonna happen. But beyond that, it’s just... holy fuck, dudes. Holy fuck.

My dudes. The world is a land of fucking beautiful opportunity. Yeah lots of it fuckin’ sucks, but a lot of it is also full the brim with beautiful new ways to make life - for yourself and others - better.

[spacecharr]

Oh my fucking god, it's legitimately like Limitlessing

My brain 5 days post a beginner as fuck shroom trip

[spacecharr]

‘celestial body’

[spacecharr]

Another picrew creation. 

SpaceCat version of SpaceCharr.

[spacecharr]

Weed makes parks and nature better.

Don't fuck it up by throwing your trash on the ground. You're never too high to put something in your fucking pocket.

[spacecharr]

“Wake up, Barkley! You’re tripping balls, man!”

Godzilla vs. Barkley (1993) Written by Mike Baron Pencils by Jeff Butler Inks by Keith Aiken Colors by James Sinclair

[spacecharr]

like/reblog if u are:

a bitch

a bastard

an all around fool

an omnipresent all-powerful being

a sparrow

c̵͙̳͕̈͛ụ̷̔r̸̗͎̽̓͗͜s̴̨̈́̿͘e̸͍̰̜͊̈́d̵̛̫̙͍͝͝

capable of moving at immense, incomprehensible speeds

an eldritch being

no one will know which one u chose! :D

[spacecharr]

Post-trip Report: Inaugural Shroom Trip

so I did my first magic mushroom trip today.

shroom: 1.5g of Golden Teacher consumption: ginger-lemon-honey tea (specifics to come) notes: tripped with a sitter, my best friend Triv

first off, this wasn’t a real strong dose. This is by design.

My goal in using shrooms today is a few fold:

ascertain if I feel comfortable doing this solo (answer: yes)

ascertain if microdosing will work (answer: uncertain, but going to try it)

just see what a trip is like (answer: “there’s a universe in my ceiling”)

Do I feel comfy tripping solo? Yes. I had my friends with me today and they got to talking about phobias. Obvs, not the funnest topic when you’re on a trip. So I excused myself, went to my room (newly cleaned and bed made) and listened to music for a bit. Then I came back out in a bit.

So I feel very comfy tripping alone, and I would have more fun, I think.

Because I love my friends, but I wanted quiet introspection and I find, with friends, I’m more interested in talking to them than going on a trip.

Will microdosing work? I’m not really sure. With this small dose, it makes me see fractals (srsly, so fuckin’ cool and I love it), but I didn’t get a “teaching”. That said, I did feel dramatically happier, more energetic, and more creative - all effects I want to feel.

So I’ll try microdosing with my current stash and will take notes. 

That said, I won’t start until 2 weeks from now - I want to ensure I have “baseline” reattained.

I also plan to do a 3g trip likely in the fall sometime.

What was the trip like? The fractals were my favourite. I totally get now what people mean when they say “the walls were breathing”. Watching TV was weird because it was like rainbow after images after everything. 

But the best thing were the fractals.

I have that spackled ceiling stuff - boring shit. But on shrooms? Beautiful paisley-like fractals, living and breathing on the ceiling. Layers and layers of amazing visuals.

I wanna do it again, but more. 

The only bad part was the stomach ache - but not bad and certainly manageable. I plan to have more ginger next time.

Ginger Lemon Honey Tea I found a recipe on some tea, and made some changes.

Slice up about two inches of fresh ginger, add to water and bring to boil

As ginger-water is boiling, powder shrooms and add honey (as much as you want) - stir the shroom-honey into a paste and let sit while water is boiling.

Once water has boiled, pour lemon juice over the shroom-honey paste and mix a bit.

Then, add boiled water enough to cover the shroom-honey paste. Stir well so that all the shrooms have “mixed in”.

Let sit for 10ish mins, as the tea cools.

Consume, then add some more water to drink the dregs.

Onset for me was around 15 mins and the trip lasted about 3 hours (1.5g, remember). It was very mild, manageable and the extent of the trip was fractals on the ceiling.

I would try a few things differently next time:

Grate/process ginger into a sort of puree and add to the shroom-honey paste.

Have ginger beer (not much sugar in it ideally) or ginger candies to combat the upset stomach

Have all the cleaning done before hand, esp the bedroom.

Have several different textured items around (some different blankets and other soft things) - I fixated on soft textures.

Just chill and enjoy the universe in my ceiling.

I’m really excited to do my next trip, guys.

Shrooms are magic.

[spacecharr]

heck yes, those shrooms

🍄 🍄 🍄