#but in terms of disability writing I think she did really well

[starburstdragon]

Bouncing off the Nimona stuff, I’d love to hear your take on disability in FMA

I think FMA is a story about recovery, first and foremost. Not just from injuries but from other traumatic events too. It’s loaded with characters who are disabled and scarred and mentally ill in a way that most other stories just aren’t.

And these characters recover in different ways too! And to different degrees! And even when someone magically regains a limb or their entire body or whatever, that’s not the end of their recovery.

Ed’s automail prosthetics are also really well written I think. His regular ones are heavy as shit (possibly even stunting his growth) and he needs to work out so that he’s strong enough to use them and account for that extra weight while he does. He needs to get new ones in a different material when he goes somewhere cold so he doesn’t get frostbite. He has to maintain them or they break. They’re expensive, prohibitively so if he didn’t have military money and a bestie whos probably giving him a discount. And at several points when they’re getting repaired we see him using prosthetics that someone might use in real life!

(The manga also includes him having phantom pains from his lost limbs.)

That’s just the main character, and already we can see how Arakawa has researched how this sort of thing works and how it impacts Ed’s life (both the advantages he gets and the inconveniences he has to keep in mind).

And Ed’s far from the only character. Al’s lost his entire body. He lacks so much of his physical sensation. I’m not really qualified to speak on that (it’s rather the opposite of my problem) but I do think it’s presented in a really sensitive and poignant way. Izumi lost several organs and is chronically ill (and I think she has chronic pain specifically? It’s been a bit since I’ve done FMA things lol) and she gets physically blowback when she overworks herself. Hawkeye has scars covering her back and is (as I recall) the superior officer that Ed and Al respect and look up to the most.

Even Scar, who initially seems to be a shoe-in for all the negative tropes that bug me so much, is written sensitively and sympathetically! Honestly once we get the backstory on Ishval I’d say he’s one of the most unconditionally heroic characters in the whole story.

(Also Ling definitely has completely fucked blood sugar levels and he’s pretty cool I think. I’m not really qualified to speak on the whole GreedLing situation though you’d have to ask someone else about that.)

A lot of the characters are also majorly traumatized. Most of the military characters Ed interacts with are reckoning with the horrible things they did during the Ishvalan extermination, for example, and the narrative is sensitive to their pain even as it calls out their mistakes. The librarian (I forgot her name because again I haven’t fulled my metal alchemists in a while) reads as autistic to me and she’s absolutely crucial in salvaging the ruined library.

I haven’t seen Nimona yet, so I can’t really talk about Ballister to compare him to any of that. I might come back to this post later if I do wind up watching it. My best point of reference for Stevenson’s writing of disabilities otherwise is SPOP, but I don’t really want to directly compare anything in SPOP to FMA, either, because… there really isn’t any way to compare them? I can and have talked about this at length in the past (that video predates Stevenson making his name/gender properly known but he had discussed a bit of his feelings on the subject so it mentions his old name and uses neutral pronouns) but it feels more than a little unfair to talk about in this post just because of how much the two stories are in different ballparks wrt their disabled characters. But to make a long story short, SPOP’s protagonists aren’t physically scarred or disabled, even when it would make sense for them to be (Hordak and Spinnerella do both have physical disabilities, just ones that are never shown or mentioned when they’re not opponents, which is… eugh) and the narrative treatment of Entrapta and Scorpia is genuinely insulting to me personally.

In the end I guess it just boils down to… FMA was written by someone who expected disabled people to be part of her audience, and who researched and wrote accordingly. Nimona, despite my interest in it, was helmed by someone who previously has not seemed to have that same expectation for his works.

[thurio-edau]

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

yup, him for part two. funny thing despite Aiden being my favourite character I'm most excited for the other three posts I'll make, especially the last one. there's a lot to unpack here so

also im writing this with a migraine pls read it-

Part 2: Aiden Clark

ah, yes. the obviously-mentally-ill from the start fan favourite Aiden Clark. let's go.

first, I want to start with something I find really important about his character, what makes him heavily mischaracterized in the fandom. the 'psychopath' cliche.

the terms 'psychopath', 'insane' and 'unstable' are often confused with each other due to media stereotypes, such as Aiden here. one, he is not a psychopath. psychopath literally means a self-centered person who lacks sympathy, affection and care; making them far from most other characters in their franchise. their lack of sympathy/empathy often makes them criminalized, here

disturbing content warning, for an example of a psychopath.

let's take Gressil from Homesick for example since a lot of SBG readers also read Homesick. so, here, Gressil is a perfect example of an actual psychopath. his lack of empathy makes him torment others, he's very self-centered. and when asked why he's doing this? he says he was bored. let's look at Aiden here. what does Aiden do when bored? probably dumb ideas or annoy Tyler. not torturing people for fun. Aiden is just a boy who likes thrills, but he has a sense of empathy, care and justice.

you wanna see a psychopathic Aiden?? the canvas is it

(our local Logan hater is publishing the canvas eps go checc beachy out)

but that's him, not our Aiden. canvas does not equal originals y'all

alright, now since we got that cleared out!! firstly, ADHD.

I think everyone in the fandom is already aware that Aiden is ADHD but I'm still going to talk about it just like Ashlyn's autism. Red has also said that she wrote Aiden with ADHD in mind but hadn't canonically confirmed anyone as neurodivergent. let's start with the main symptoms of ADHD, also known as Attention Decifit and Hyperactivity Disorder.

I know about 5 different ADHD people myself and did some research, it probably won't be extremely accurate since I'm not ADHD myself, but I'll try to do whatever I can. first with the AD part, Attention Decifit.

now as seen, he doesn't exactly have any problems with theorizing itself. but the problem is that his attention just goes away easily.

i mean cmon bro was making memes on the job

he tries to do work, but can't. he has a low attention span which makes him not able to concentrate. he can't keep it up for long, he'll get distracted or bored too easily about things that doesn't interest in specially.

it's just distracting. what his attention is on constantly changes, there's more to that after the ADHD part but we're here for now.

the hyperactivity... it's a lot more apparent. but I should explain the insane-unstable thing before that.

insane means that someone's mental health is not in an okay situation, where it prevents the person from thinking normally, acting rationally, very often found together with delusions. the person is seriously mentally ill where it might count as a disability.

unstable, however, where someone is prone to psychiatric problems, has moodswings etc. they're not exactly the most sane person, but they aren't insane either. Aiden here, obviously falls on the unstable side. maybe just a little bit insane if you squint. this will be brought up later too, but it mixed well with his hyperactivity too.

and as we all know, our boy isn't exactly the most stable person. (sorry for the collages, but since there is a tumblr picture limit i have to keep on collaging. yes i learnt from the last time) his hyperactivity mixes with his unstable mindset which makes him incresingly vulnerable to danger- which he likes. from when the first shift happened, he's been really careless about stuff but it's been all about his love for thrill.

and it irritates Tyler, too.

the main subplot about his character is that he's a person of excitement. guess what? ADHD people like the excitement, they like new things, they like the adrenaline and thrill. now, Aiden's main characteristic of being unstable mixed with ADHD makes him an even more reckless person. another thing mixing with the hyperactivity, is boundaries.

this part will mostly be about Ashlyn since the boundary issue only happens with her.

I talked about this on Ashlyn's side on my Ashlyn analysis, now it's time for Aiden's side.

he's really annoying to her at first. Ashlyn is someone with lots of boundaries, like high walls. and who tries to climb them with his dumbass? Aiden of course.

she kept rejecting his efforts to befriend her for some time, until the night they stole the jeep. then she managed to actually bring the walls down, and accept them all into her life. but damn was she blunt.

felt that honestly

and Aiden understands her that night, too.

Ashlyn was hesistant to hug him, yes, he was aware. but she still did which made him realize she was also trying. i have to tell you, people with ADHD and people with autism either have trouble getting along, or go perfectly well. my ADHD sibling for example, I have to push them away for a lot and tell them to lower their voice. but once they remember my boundaries it actually becomes a normal, even pleasant hangout. which, Aiden realizes and tries to get along with. he tries.

seeing his efforts on her boundaries makes something click in her mind. and she starts to be a lot nicer when they hang out in the arcade.

Aiden eventually learns and remembers what she's like and what she loves to do. he already tried to watch her ballet sessions once -got slammed-, he's been to her room where he remembered the mat from and her fighting makes it obvious. I'm sure he knew he'd get cooked by betting that. but he still did,

because he knew it'd interest her. which he succeeded, he saw her smile again. the arcade day went great until Barron and his gang pulled up, but if we ignore that part it all went well. Aiden started to understand and respect her boundaries.

anyways then Tyler fucking dies

he knows that Ashlyn feels guilty. Aiden wants to comfort her through it, but also do it correctly. without going over any boundaries. which makes him really,

really,

really surprised when she responds.

also including this pannel cause its hilarious

here we see that he's still trying. hell, I'm sure he spent minutes thinking if he should come close physically to help her. that's probably why he just nudged her softly before anything else. he's not used to it, he has to conciously make an effort to not cross said boundaries. keeping his voice lower, try to not be so reckless, not doing anything physically close unless she reciprocates. wow how i wish another someone i knew irl tried that hard instead of blaming it on me cOUGH COUGH COUGH

also other small things to include

he's yapping a lot

he has a comically large amount of puzzles in his backpack for one single trip

and sticks his head into lamps for some reason

but that's just Aiden and his little neurodivergent brain for ya.

now the part I wanted to get to the most.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

first, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

shortened as BPD, borderline is when someone's mood is inconsistent and swinging. think of it's name; the person's mental state is in the border, in the border line, switching up fastly. the most easily understood and common type is when the person goes from a depression to a happy state. but no matter which state they are in and/or go to, one thing stays the same: it is unstable.

one thing about borderline is that it is frequently mixed with bipolar. however bipolar is a neurodivengercy which means it is what someone is born with and cannot be changed. but borderline is obtained later in life. it usually happens with depression. bipolar is much more random and the episodes last longer in comparison. it may last up to hours, and the person's memory might have trouble remembering their episodes. borderline, on the other hand, is a short-lived mood swing.

now here. here's the catch; people with BPD during mood swings can have reckless behaviour, suicidal thoughts -in his case as far as we know, lowered sense of protecting himself- or a loss of understanding danger. sounds familiar?

borderline's recklessness and dangerousness, sometimes self-destructive acts combines with ADHD's love for thrill and excitement, combined with Aiden's own personality all make up for a great condition of instability.

Aiden's behaviour constantly goes crazy, I think his most frequent mood swing might be his normal self (at least, as normal as he could be) to this more maniac way of acting. I noticed it from his eyes, when he's in a more calm-ish normal state his pupils are a bit more dilated. in the pictures above, you can clearly see that he's still in the episode; filled with the adrenaline, the unstable way of thinking.

but, what causes that? surely a mental illness such as borderline doesn't happen on it's own.

right?

cause it didn't.

it never works that way.

but it can get better.

eventually.

but what happened to him?

personally, as much as a large amounnt of people seems to believe it's something like family abuse I don't think so. maybe neglect, maybe withdrawal, maybe maybe. but we've seen his parents. I don't think they would hurt him like that. I can't put any more pictures, but this is the last part anyway. his parents seem to be kind and gentle, despite that picture in his house. I'm thinking the picture was only for the dramatic effect. his parents said that he used to be really calm and quiet during Lily's birthday, and both Aiden and Ben seem comfortable around them. they were happy taking Ben in too, any kind of abusive parent wouldn't do that at least that's what I believe. also there is that Aiden got serious and concerned when he learnt that their parents were also in the facility, most likely worried for his own as you would have thought.

there was a post that I've been trying to find for like half an hour, I commented on it but I can't find the post now. the person talked about their own theory. if I remember correctly it was that when Aiden was depressive as a child, his parents took him to a thrilling activity like the ones he's been talking about (bungee-jumping, skydiving etc.) and the thrill made him actually get excited. which is why his parents allowed him to go even more reckless, because they are aware of how prone their son could be to the depression.

what happened? let's ignore the parents factor. someone can have a loving family and still be traumatized, someone can be taken care of and still feel abandoned, someone can never have confronted a situation they are terrified of.

one of my theories is that, the loneliness. it must get to a child heavily considering children need to not be left alone, but Aiden was. he didn't have any actual friends since they always moved from one place to another from his parents' business, and they might have not had enough time to make for him (which I believe is bullshitting, every child deserves to be taken some time out for. some people quit their jobs entirely for their child.) and be unaware, and that doesn't change that he was still depressed and alone. his depressive state was seemingly before Ben was taken in. now here one thing with borderline, at least from my experience, is faking actions. smiles, laughs, friendships, conversations... almost as if there's two different lives; one fake, and one real. you keep on switching, you keep on swinging between the sides where you're yourself and where you're just mimicking 'normal human behaviour'.

it starts from faking a happy state during their depression, and by time you're faking it it becomes an automatic adition to your personality. to your mind. once it furthers, it becomes the disorder. Aiden we see is always smiling. it becomes a habit that only breaks sometimes. now, I'm not saying his smile is fake- I think his face is literally just stuck like that. it breaks ever so slightly sometimes. fake it till ya make it yanno? that kind of thing. and when he swings from his calm mood to his borderline-d mood, his pupils get small and his smile gets worse. noticably worse. I'll be rereading the series (AGAIN) and this time look at all the small details since Red loves putting them and I love theorizing so

which, wraps up the Aiden thing! im actually really proud of how i could put my thoughts into text which i never could. i'd love any additions because i love other opinions as well.

and you know what? im glad Ash and Ai are out of the place because the rest are what I'm actually looking forward to >:)

...and i should sleep. really.

(wow sorry yall i finished this hours ago and said 'alright reread to make sure its good before sleep' and fell asleep through it lol sorry for 4 hour delay ig)

(leaving for school rn see yall 8 hours later 🫡)

[tex-now]

New challenge. Watch Guilt Trip Of ML Season 4.

I did?? Like a while ago?? Did you not read the disclaimer orrrr

Also. In all seriousness. Guilt Trip also isn't done very well in terms of dealing with a character having a disability, with it being like "yeah, she doesn't NEED all this help even though she has a disability cause disabled people aren't fragile and helpless" which is a good message but it's not done well. And it also just makes Marinette look like more of an ass in retrospect because she was only willing to accommodate rose cause they're ~friends~ and rose is good so she can't be lying about her disability! Unlike that super liar Lila who is definitely lying >:( because she's evil >:( (and yes she was lying and the only reason why is so Marinette can have an excuse for her horrible behavior)

Also juleka tells rose's secret without her consent to the entire class (not cool) and rose is also a common archetype of a character who "has a disability but that won't stop me from living life to the fullest!" Except it's only brought up in this episode and never acknowledged again because MLB doesn't know how to write characters with disabilities.

Oh and also they do that stupid thing where they only really focus on how sad their poor loved one must be, having to worry about them all the time :( /s which is a very common and quite ignorant thing that always happens when writing disabled characters.

It's not a good episode. Like. At all. The only thing it does is make Marinette look like the worst type of ableist person and prove that the writers should not be allowed to touch this topic ever again.

I'll be honest I don't think it's marinette or juleka's fault that they do such fucked up things because it's obvious that the writers are trying to frame their actions in the right and act like what they're doing isn't fucked up.

The problem is the writing not the characters themselves. Their personalities get pushed and pulled in the direction that the plot needs to move forward. I know I sound like I think Marinette sucks but it's not her it's her writing. Does that make sense

Edit: Juleka actually only told Marinette and Adrien about rose, so she didn't tell the whole class, it was Marinette who had notified everyone of rose's condition, contrary to what i remembered. Apologies on my part

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! I’m writing a story about a lady with Down Syndrome. I was wondering if you knew where I can find any resources about Down Syndrome made by people who actually have it, or any organisations that would be good to follow. Any resources made by people with intellectual disability would be really helpful as well.

I read your post about this and it was really helpful so thank you, I’m going to use it as a starting point for my research.

If you’d like some context about the story she’s literally a lady in the 1920s who’s trying to get control of her family’s estate from her brother. Shes underestimated for her disabilities and for being a women but I’m trying to not focus so much on the discrimination and work more on giving her an interesting mystery to solve with the detective she hired. I’d like it to be a bit lighthearted. Anyway, as she’s a main character I really wanted to make sure I wrote her well. Thanks!

Hey!

There aren't many resources out there unfortunately, but there is a page on the UK Down Syndrome's Association's website where members with DS share their opinions on representation in TV and film. You can read it here. For info on intellectual disability in general the best I can do is link some of my previous posts on it - there's close to nothing that's actually made by us unfortunately, everything that I was able to find is always made by someone who knows a person with ID at best. To be clear, not all of it is bad - I thought this interview (TW for abuse that happens in the movie's plot) about a movie starring actors with DS was pretty good - but it's still a sign that we aren't getting enough #OwnVoices representation. It's slowly changing though.

To learn more about DS I would probably recommend NDSS, it's one of the very few orgs that have people with Down Syndrome as board and team members (should be the bare minimum, but it unfortunately isn't). There's also information on things like preferred language and myths that often show up around Down Syndrome.

I'm not great with history, but in the 1920s she would be a subject to a lot more than just discrimination. Eugenics and institutionalization would definitely be present. Not sure what route you'll take there, but basically all the words around that time that she would be described with are currently considered slurs or pejoratives. The racist term for a person with Down Syndrome was officially used into the 60s, and the ableist one is still used legally in 2024. But if you want to skip past that, I think that's more than fine. You don't always have to aim for 100% historical accuracy, just be aware of the real history.

A detective story sounds very exciting. If you decide to publish it on Tumblr or other online site feel free to send me an ask with a link, I'd love to read it.

Thank you for the ask,

mod Sasza

I’m just popping in as a history fan for a couple bits of history notes — but again, like Sasza said, you don’t have to be 100% historically accurate if you don’t want to and if you don’t feel it’s necessary.

So, especially in the first half of the 1900s, a large part of disabled children, including children with Down Syndrome, were institutionalized very early in their life. Around this time the push that immorality caused disability was strong, and people were often convinced by doctors and professionals that the children’s needs would always be too much for them. Eugenicism was sort of reaching a peak around this time, as well—I would say it was at its most intense in the period of 1900-1940s.

Not all parents institutionalized their children, though. There was pressure to do so, but that doesn’t mean everyone fell victim to it. There wasn’t really any official support for parents who did this, and there weren’t official organizations for Down Syndrome. From my research, the current large DS organizations seem to have popped up in the 60s.

The term ‘Down Syndrome’ wasn’t in popular use until the 70s, and it wasn’t known that it’s caused by an extra chromosome until 1959.

Life expectancy in 1900-1920 for people born with Down Syndrome was 9 years old. Some of this could absolutely have been due to conditions in institutions, but likely even more relevant is that about 50% of people with DS are born with heart defects (also known as congenital heart disease) that can be fatal if not treated with surgery. Heart surgery wasn’t really feasible until the late 30s and early 40s. Another risk factor is a higher risk for infection, which isn’t easy to manage in a world that doesn’t yet have antibiotics.

I actually wanted to find pictures of adults with Down Syndrome pre-1940ish, though, to see real tangible evidence of adults being part of a community. First I found just one picture of a baby in 1925 on this Minnesota government website. But then I found a collection someone made of photos of both children and young adults, but they are not specifically dated. The first baby picture is from the 30s according to the poster!

Judging by the clothes I see people wearing in these photos, photo #4 (man with Down Syndrome in a suit next to a woman) seems to be from the 20s and photo #13 (young woman with Down Syndrome and very long hair) seems to be from about the 1910s. #18 (large family with a lot of sons, including one boy with Down Syndrome) could be from the 30s. Those three are the oldest people with DS in the photos, and they seem like young adults. A lot of these pictures show a community and aren’t just isolated kids, which I find nice.

It’s hard to find specific historical record of people with Down Syndrome from that period of time, but I wanted to show photos of real people in their communities to show, hey look! They were there, too!

Either way, I love detective stories and historical fiction and I’m glad you’re writing a story and that you care about your character’s portrayal but I totally know the feeling of that tricky balance between historical accuracy and modern acknowledgement that we should have been doing better.

— Mod Sparrow

[adamnablelittledevil]

Just finished Part I of The Vampire Lestat and here are my first impressions (I skipped IWTV *for now* since the show has already covered it... I'll read it eventually):

I can't tell yet if I like it or not.

So far, I enjoy the concept and the characters seem to be compelling. In terms of eventfulness, there hasn't been much, but I do have some interest in these people. They all appear to be complicated and have a lot of baggage, which I guess makes them appealing and gives the story potential. Let's see where this goes.

I don't hate, but I also don't love Anne's writing style. I don't think she narrates and describes things very well, she lingers on stuff I don't care that much for and doesn't provide details on things I'm actually curious about? There are some abrupt changes that annoy me sometimes as well.

I do believe this might be an attempt to get ourselves in the mind of Lestat and how he process to the world around him, though? It would make sense considering how chaotic he is.

Another thing I like is how he got so obsessed with the 20th Century, music and theater. The descriptions really give me the idea of someone experiencing the world for the first time (in a while) and considering how isolated he was growing up or after everything that happened with Louis/Claudia, it makes sense that he is so fascinated by all these discoveries. And it's really immersive and sweet to see how he in awe he is with all of it.

He also speaks like he is somebody born in the 1700s. So I give her credits for that as well.

Pretty sure Lestat is neurodivergent at this point (ADHD is basically a yes from me, maybe he has dyslexia and/or autism too).

And his memory is trash. So often he doesn't know if he actually did something, or if it were someone else, or if it was just a thought... I'm like, ARE YOU OKAY (he isn't)? By the way, this is painfully relatable because I also have poor short (and long-term) memory. Heaven help him (and moi).

That boy is a water sign if I've ever seen one.

He cries A LOT. I don't remember ever seeing any (book/show/movie) character cry that much, specially in such a short time lol. And the fact this is coming from a man and not a woman... There you go with defying gender norms, king!

Lestat having Borderline Personality Disorder isn't even a headcanon at this point, but a FACT.

He probably hasn't been hugged enough times in his life and it SHOWS.

Even with the abuse in his family, his frustration with his mother and the "malady of mortality", he manages to stay optimistic in a way that feels so childlike and naive that makes my heart warm and ache for him. I'm like, you deserve better.

Again, I don't know if I'm enjoying or not, but I do like the fact I can imagine Sam's Lestat doing all of this on season 3. Picturing Sam bringing these moments to life is the BEST PART of the reading.

Would I still read these books if the show never existed? That's what I need to find out.

I can see why some people got so invested in this character, though. At least for now. Some stuff hit close to home and I find myself rooting for him. I imagine that for the ones who read it at as a teenager, it must've made them feel less alone and seen to some extent.

At this moment, it's Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicholas for me.

Lestat's father isn't a person I care about, but depending on how the show adapts him, I guess it could be a good opportunity for a blind actor. It would be killing two birds with one stone, because it would develop Lestat's backstory, but also give space for a category that barely gets any job in the industry. I would love to see a powerful guest star that is a an actual disabled person playing a disabled character. Sure, we would hate him, but if someone manages to show their potential, book more roles and maybe even earn an award or nomination, why not?

Whenever Lestat talks about kissing his mother I get confused if the incest is already happening or not lol. Because I normally would just imagine a platonic kiss on the cheek or forehead and I haven't seen anything explicitly inappropriate. I don't know if it's because I'm reading the Brazilian Portuguese version, or if Anne wasn't that clear, or maybe I'm slow and naive, but nothing big seems to have happened? But I'm familiar with those spoilers, so... Anyway, whatever. It's not like I was counting the days to read about incest, so I don't really care about it being evident or not. I just mean that for now they seem to be more of a "parent that didn't want kids, but cares for him in a distant, but still real way and child that seeks for any crumbs of love and affection" kind of relationship.

Speaking of that, Lestat is SO DESPERATE for love, omg. Nicki was basically the first person besides his mother that was nice to him and he told the guy ALL OF HIS LIFE STORY AND FELL IN LOVE almost immediately? Get up!

Peak BPD/ADHD/maybe autistic/water sign/Scorpio behavior. MY GOD.

Still don't know how to picture Gabrielle and who I fancast playing her. I do think I have some sense of who she is now, which is nice. I also have some actors that could pass for Sam's parent and have the appropriate age to play her in my mental library, but I can't form a face yet. Not the face of a real actress or even an imaginary face, it's just a blur so far. Which sucks because I loooooooooove imagining fancasts, specially for a show as great as this one, but I'm just waiting for the revelation to come to me lmao.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Last Twilight - final thoughts

Well, this isn't a fraught topic at all today, lol.

Normally I wait a bit longer before writing about my final thoughts, but I have a lot spinning in my mind right now and want to get it out.

Disclaimer - this is just my subjective opinion. I cannot speak to having a disability like Day or a trauma like Mhok.

To start, overall I greatly enjoyed this show. The acting was fantastic, the story was compelling, the romance was romancing. I do have some mixed feelings about the last few episodes. I know some people liked it! I know some people feel very let down. But I hope we can all use this as a chance for respectful discussion.

Disability representation and how we talk about it

One thing I do think it is important to remember, is that the disability experience is extremely different for different people. And there are a number of people with disabilities who are working on recovery, or looking into options for reducing the impact of their disability. This can be a very controversial thing. One example is the Deaf community, and the very different perspectives on things like cochlear implants.

As we talk about Last Twilight, of course people can disagree with how the story went, or the timing of events. But I would caution people from saying that Day's experience as a blind man is meaningless, or that the story was pointless, because he regained his sight in the end. Because that can be a very invalidating thing for people who have been through similar experiences.

To me? It honestly felt realistic for Day to get another donation. He's wealthy and privileged. He also had gained a sense of contentment while still blind, and knew he could live a good life that way. And I think all of his past experiences still mattered, because it was part of his journey to being who he was at the end.

Do I also want more representation of people with disabilities, in all ways, shapes, and forms, living amazing lives and kicking ass? Hell yeah!

Day's mother

I've written a bit about my feelings on Day's mom before, so I'm not going to go in depth. I did see some people saying this was about culture, and that she was acting in accordance to how a lot of parents would in her situation, who are a part of that culture. I don't disagree with that. My issue is that she started at point A, she was suddenly at point B, and we saw nothing of how she got from A to B.

I do think, in terms of disability representation, showing more of her journey in accepting Day's autonomy would have been worthwhile.

Day & Mhok's relationship

This is where I have more of a struggle with this show. To be clear, I don't think Day is a villain, and I understand how terrified he was of being seen as lesser by the person he loved. I don't even have an issue with a breakup, just some of the aspects of it.

A lot of what happened felt rushed for these past two episodes. I may have felt better about it if there was more space to dip into nuance. Considering how the time was spent in earlier episodes, this was so fast paced.

I mostly have an issue with Mhok being treated as 100% responsible for their break up - and for him apologizing and thanking Day for doing it.

I used to actually professionally train people in Conflict Navigation, and I've spent a lot of time with people on some of the key components when successfully dealing with conflict.

Btw, we deliberately didn't call it Conflict Resolution, because a lot of conflicts don't get resolved. And that's ok! It's learning how to work within them, if you want to maintain a relationship.

But a really important part of resolution is that both parties need to understand the role they played in what happened. It's not fun or comfortable, but it's an essential piece to moving through it.

And I get that Day & Mhok were both young, so not having the best approach to conflict at that time makes sense. Day being impulsive makes sense. (Though I maintain that scene should have had a few more minutes to it).

But when they are back in the same space, (after Day blocking Mhok's contact for 3 years, yikes?), when they have both grown and matured, and yet Mhok takes all the blame for what happened back then - to me, this reads as the setup of a relationship where Day will get mad, and Mhok will continue to take full responsibility to keep things smooth.

And honestly, it again feels infantalizing of Day to say that because he is the one with the disability, he was the one who was 100% correct in everything that he did. If he is going to be treated as a fully independent autonomous person, that means accepting the role he played in what happened. His perspective was valid, he still has to own his piece of their relationship falling apart, and him doing nothing to address it in any other kind of way before going straight to breaking up.

Again, not saying Day was wrong. I'm saying for a healthy future relationship, he needs to own his part in things, and not just agree that Mhok was the problem.

Privilege and status

My final quibble is that the early episodes did such a good job of showing how Mhok and Day were both in disadvantaged situations - of very different kinds, but it was a connector between them. Mhok was struggling due to his status as someone from a poor background, and his status as an ex-con. The way he and his sister fought to make ends meet after the parents passing away, and then the trauma of his experience of losing his sister. The struggle to find work, to be seen as worthy, as someone who is still a part of society regardless of having been to prison.

But this all slipped away through the story, until at the end the only thing that mattered was Day and his journey. Which was important! But Mhok had his own journey, and it matters. His trauma was significant, and it deserved more than being treated as an excuse for Day to leave him.

Final final thoughts

Oof, ok, needed to get that out! I think a big part of why I disliked Mhok being fully blamed is that I just love the guy so damn much. If only men like that really existed, lol.

But what incredible acting by Sea & Jimmy, they worked so hard. I adored Night & Porjai as side characters, and now very much want a one shot spinoff of their honeymoon, where they stumble on to a secret spy meetup and shenanigans ensue.

P'Aof is a very talented director, and there were some great visuals in this show. I've never seen such erotic hand touching in my life.

Well, at least it never gets boring in BL land!

[walmart-sekai]

Guess who just finished First Star After the Rain? 👀

(I did, it was me.)

Final thoughts:

Have I mentioned before that I’m chronically ill? Have I mentioned I have a tendency to push myself too hard because I’m afraid of missing out during the few times I do feel well enough to get out and do stuff?

Most importantly,

Have I mentioned I love Saki Tenma?

We as a society tend to view illness as this very temporary thing. We think someone gets sick and then after a while, they either get better or (bummer alert) they die.

But here’s the thing: Not all of us get better. Some of us keep on living and we’re never really healthy.

I spend a lot of time in bed, in pain, or both, and you know what? It sucks. It’s a tough way to live. But I still try to enjoy my life as much as I can, because even if my bones hurt I can still watch cool movies and talk to my friends and watch the sunset.

You can be disabled and still be happy. You can be disabled and still have a fulfilling life. It’s tough sometimes, but you can do it.

And bless her heart, Saki’s trying her best to do it.

Even when she’s in the hospital, lonely, anxious, and afraid, she doesn’t let herself sink all the way into depression. She looks up at the stars, and she writes letters to her friends, and she tries to be as happy as she can be. And as a chronically ill person, it’s really nice to see other people like me living and thriving as much as they can, which is why I love seeing Saki deal with the long term effects of her health issues.

It’s also why I wish they’d jUST—

LET SAKI BE SICK

I said this in an earlier post but PJSK has this weird aversion to writing Saki as actually chronically ill. They’ll give her lines like “I’m not ill anymore” or “the doctor said I’m fine,” but then they have her pass out with a fever because she’s overworked herself.

And when that happens, they say she worked so hard she CAUGHT A COLD. Y’all, that’s not how colds work.

You know what does work like that? Chronic illness flare ups. You work yourself too hard, and stress yourself out too much, and it triggers your symptoms, and you flare up.

If they said Saki had an autoimmune disorder, or was immunocompromised, or SOMETHING, her symptoms would make a lot more sense. It would also make her internal conflict more impactful, because that whole “making up for lost time” motivation of hers would be emphasized by the fear that she’ll get sick again, and that this may be the only time she has to be healthy before she’s stuck in a hospital bed for another couple years.

I’m just saying if the writers were 1. Less vague about what symptoms Saki had/has and 2. Didn’t try to make it seem like she was magically better after years of debilitating hospitalizing illness, Saki’s development would be even better and even more realistic than it is now. And it’s already pretty great, and, as a chronically ill person myself, it feels pretty realistic! But it could be better if we just let Saki be disabled.

(To be fair, this could also be a translation thing. Maybe in the original Japanese they’re more explicit about what’s wrong with Saki. Maybe not. I’m just going off what I have access to.)

Conclusion:

Overall, despite my gripes, I loved this story. People promised me Leo/Need would get better with the event stories and by god they were right. I felt 100 times more invested in this than I did the main story. I was able to get a deeper look into all the characters, not just Saki. Shiho in particular had some lovely characterization in this story.

And, best of all, Leo/Need continues to stick the landing. Just like the main story, the final episode of this event story was succinct, it was touching, and it re-emphasized all the important beats from the previous episodes. It wrapped things up nicely, but still left me eager to read the next story. Magnifique as always, PJSK.

[mohgreal]

how my elden ring modern au i have in my head looks like:

Miquella - I thought of him in a modern setting first, only instead of being just Miq in a modern setting, he's like my other au of Miquella, (deathblight Miquella/corrupted Miquella) in a modern setting. Basically, he used to be like the goodie "i love everyone!!!" but then like...got traumatized. and now hes like that. Well actually he's the exact same nice boy but protective and mean on mondays. I really haven't thought about him in a bit so my memory on how i thought about this is foggy af. and yes he is a adult, around 20

Malenia - Kind of a meme slighty in terms of personality, i watched too much elden ring abridged what can i say. Just plays sports with Loretta & Finlay, and instead of scarlet rot she is just disabled. Which, is probably common sense but still. Works for some pizza place or dosen't work at all, again, didn't really think about it

Mohg - This sounds funny when i write it down, but he owns a cartel instead of a cult. yes you may laugh. A mexican cartel to be exact, and all the Mohgwyn followers work for him. Haven't thought about the cartel too much in depth either....also has my bleed character tarnished work 4 him since why not. also thought about making my bleed tarnished his (adopted) son so he can be relevant to the plot, but honestly no one cares about tarnished modern au or not so whatever

Morgott - Haven't thought him too much, but i imagine he'd be like a priest or some sort of hardcore christian (not slandering.) just does whatever old men do thesedays.

Rennala - Teacher. teaches about books or something, again, didn't think the details out very much whoops. Divorced from Radagon for plot reasons, but her children don't live with her either (also for plot reasons) mostly just sadly reads books and gives her students good grades. would study for

Rykard - I imagine he'd be like a criminal of sorts too, but idk what kind. Would keep it hidden very well though. would live w/ Tanith and Rya because funni famileeee guy. Has dyed red hair because it makes him look cool/i said so. Is also very overdramatic despite owning like 3 snakes (each have names)

Radahn - sports guy & horse girl. mostly plays sports (sometimes with Malenia too) and reads horse facts on google dot com

Radagon - Miserably lives with Marika in a arranged marriage for religous reasons (golden order is like a religon if u think abt it). mostly just works and will post "i miss my wife and 3 kids" on facebook

did not think the rest too much through because my head is disorganised as hell. this is just my take on a modern au so don't overthink it chat

[sylphofspaceyuri]

Re: your post on writing an intersex character. I wanna start off by saying that "intersex" is not a subset of "nonbinary", and in fact has nothing to do with gender at all. "Intersex" means "has sexual characteristics that don't quite fit in the male/female dichotomy" (so for exemple, "having a lot of body hair" would be a common intersex trait. It's called hirsutism btw look it up.) Intersex people can be trans, can be cis, can be non binary, can be gnc, just bear in mind that "being intersex" doesn't imply any of the above necesarily.

(Sorry if you already knew about that part, but "intersex = nb" is a VERY pervasive misconceptions especially in queer spaces, so anytime someone asks for info on intersex people I need to start with the big disclaimer of "INTERSEX IS NOT A GENDER THING, YOU CAN GIVE YOUR CHARACTER GENDER IF YOU WANT BUT KNOW THAT IT'S NOT LINKED TO BEING INTERSEX")

Anyways. Being intersex can manifests itself in a variety of ways, including but not limited to: genitals, gonads, chromosomes, hormones, secondary sexual characteristics, and probably a bunch of others I forgot about. If your character is intersex, this is gonna have an impact on their appearance, and possibly their health (since plenty of intersex conditions are disabling.) My advice is to either look up one specific condition (like Swyer syndrome) and then look at all the ways it would impact your character, or look at whatever traits you wanna give your character (like hirsutism as mentioned above), and look up whatever intersex condition could lead to that to reverse engineer how being intersex would impact your oc. If the variation you end up picking for your character is disabling, then you might have to mention whatever treatment she's undergoing to aleviate the symptoms (ie intersex people with hormonal imbalance REALLY need their T and/or E.)

(Also, sorry again if you're already informed, but again it's a common misconception so I gotta say it: there is no such a thing as having "both functional equipments." Futanaris aren't real. Genital intersex variations are usually more along the lines of "having a huge clit" "having a micropenis" "having a very shallow vagina" and the likes. And as I said prior, there are plenty of intersex variations that don't affect the junk at all.)

I don't know the setting you're writing, but if it's our modern world or something similar, then growing up in a society that enforces the sex binary is gonna have a huge impact on your character too. IRL, there is a LOT of medical malpractice related to "fixing" intersex children (either as infant, or when puberty kicks in "wrong"). It's also very common for intersex people to not know fully what's up with their body, because hospitals tend to straight up lie on your medical file about the fact that they did cosmetic surgery on your junk. If medical malpractice doesn't apply to your character, there might still be some issues with "puberty hit and everyone is growing differently than me what's up with that" "none of the biology books look even remotely like me that's weird" at best and "everyone insists my body is wrong for some reason and they're trying to force me back into a binary I do not understand" at worst.

Hope that helped! I highly recommend you look up your local intersex activist group, these usually have extensive FAQs on what intersex means, what are the intersex fighting subjects, common intersex experiences, ect.

Hi yes this is very helpful!

I do know a fair few of these things so I'm better off saying what I did not know and other information

-I did not know many of the actual terms like hirsutism and swyer syndrome

-In regards to setting, it's a post revolution sci fi world where things are A Lot Better so she is treated well socially, though the environment she is in is not a good one so I think that will create some deep insecurity and internalized issues with some of the more disabling factors of being intersex. Namely, the criminal faction she is in is extremist in nature and deeply ableist due to their mentality surrounding physical and mental strength, I imagine her treatment there would be "you can be intersex but only if it doesn't impair your capabilities in combat" which she may be deeply insecure about

-I VERY much appreciate you citing that activist thing, I will definitely use that it sounds incredibly helpful

-The intersex ≠ trans, cis, etc thing is quite helpful too! It helps me figure the proper terms for her, I think cisgender applies to her as she's very comfortable with her sex given that she's lived with it into her late 30s at the current timeline

-The other experiences cited like "puberty hit and everyone else is growing up differently" may be very helpful when fleshing out her childhood, which I need to do more of anyway

And no need to apologize for mentioning the misconceptions and such! I understand, while I do know about those things I appreciate the detail and attentiveness

[kustas]

dagda and olruggio for the aak game!

My first impression

Dagda: I actually don't remember! I don't think I paid much attention to him at first. He's very much an npc with little personality in the first chapters he appears in

Olruggio: hello handsome followed by woah. Here comes a true hater

My impression now

Dagda: very underrated character, I really like him but I'm not sure if at this point it's the character or my interpretation of him I like most! I used to have a lot of headcanons about his past who all got disproven by the story but I still think a lot about what he'd have been up to before plot beats, and what he's like as a person.

Olruggio: I'm fond of him! Goofy and endearing, really good foil to Qifrey, and nice with the girls....:) he's also a very relatable character to me, in many ways! And his design goes extremely hard

Favorite thing about that character

Dagda: how he views his relationship with his son. It's tragic but loving at once, that he sees him as his biggest triumph and the only worthwhile thing he's done in his life. If only you knew how highly your little guy thinks of you...

Olruggio: as mentioned before I share a lot of his personality traits and it's relaxing to me to see him portrayed as sympathetic for it. I also really like his place in the story, as someone with good contacts in witch society and legal obligations, his position as the Eye brings both tension to the story and real nice hints of world building elements

Least favorite thing

Dagda: hard to tell because he doesn't have a lot of screentime tbh. I wish he did not get murked because it feels distasteful to give Custas this much trouble when he's already struggling enough. But that's not really about Dagda isn't it

Olruggio: how he's reduced to blushy tsundere for fandom tropes' sake. He is those things but he is more than that

Favorite line/scene

Dagda: Either the monologue where he talks about Cus being the only good deed he's done, or the short flashback where he's spared by the musicians after accepting they were going to kill him

Olruggio: I struggled to pick, but I'm gonna say, the moment he finds the disabled kid in the street. It's such a good scene in terms of drama and in relation to the wider themes of the series

Favorite interaction that character has with another

Dagda: When he replies to his boy begging him to abandon him with a silent hug and wet puppy eyes

Olruggio: Previously mentioned scene with the lil kid, how he snaps at Agott during the river rescue mission, his tense little staircase moment with Utowin

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Dagda: of the ones he's interacted with previously : Lulucy, Olruggio, Coco. His interactions with adult witches are interesting because of the balance of power. I could write an essay about his relationship with Lulucy just based on that alone! With Oru, it's because I believe they have a lot in common and could actually get along well. With Coco, I find endearing how gentle it is to her, and given she mostly knows him as a father and her own dad died when she was very young, it might be cool to see how that goes.

Of the ones he has not interacted with previously, I am begging mentally for him to spend a significant amount of time with one of the Wise Three, the king, or both - to contrast between the leaders of their respective societies, and a guy who is the lowest of the low in said societies. Also I really want a world where he hangs out with the atelier girlies and they get to bother him

Olruggio: of the characters he's interacted with: all the girlies...especially Riche and Agott. He's less...overtly affectionate? Than Qifrey, more frank and snappy but it feels like they like him for that. Dagda as previously mentioned. Beldaruit bc their interactions were rly funny lol

Of the characters he's not interacted with yet: Lagler, because they're both witches who work with unknowings with strong moral compasses. Ininia, because I want to see him react to a kid who's unapologetically in his opposing faction. Atwert, because given that guy's current situation and his own empathy it would bring up lots of interesting elements I feel

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Dagda: they have nothing in common personality wise but lots of contextual parallels with a character I adored as a kid, Dustfingers

Olruggio: as previously established, Me from Real Life (jk. I couldn't find a good one for him)

A headcanon about that character

Dagda: I think he's a very meek and submissive man who's seen a lot of shit but has never tried to fight against it properly. Haven't decided yet if it's because he's a pessimist or just doesn't care. Also I think he's not very clever

Olruggio: That one's basically confirmed but I like to imagine he gets wooed a lot even by unknowings, and absolutely hates it LOL

A song that reminds of that character

Dagda: Corvus Corax - La i Mbealtaine. It's my voice claim for him, and given he's named after a Celtic god and he's a minstrel, a gaelic song made from a medieval poem feels fitting

Olruggio: can't think of one ;_;

An unpopular opinion about that character

Dagda: nobody ever talks about this bloke lol there are no popular opinions. I'm the only one. Hello. Hi

Olruggio: I'm not denying there's something kinda gay in the air in that Atelier but the fandom's accepted romantic pairing of him and Qifrey feels completely OOC. It would not be a nice sweet relationship, Qifrey is a sneaky elusive man with deep rooted trust issues and Oru strongly corrects him. I think they have deep affection for each other that manifests in commitment and boundaries but that their actual communication is entraves by both their personalities and that in their current state at least they would never enter a traditional relationship

Favorite picture

Dagda: this panel bc it's closets to how I draw him/imagine his face! He's got some cute panels too tho

Olruggio: yes it's not in the manga but man. Unmatched swag and the details are so sweet. U know crumbs fly off when he sits up. I could NOT find the full pic but you need to know he's wearing fuckass flipflops with this fit

[tadpolesonalgae]

Omg ICBMTHY is so so good! I binged it this morning and i am already obsessed!! 😍😍

Also can we talk about how awful all of the IC is in this? Like not one of them has tried to talk to her, to try to understand her? Do you people not care?! She’s clearly suffering in silence, just because her pain is not as obvious a her sister’s it doesn’t mean it’s not there!!! Ugh, they make me so mad.

Also Eris. I love his character so so much but i have to admit he was a bit o a d*ck to our dear Reader with tho whole swan thing. I hope he sees that and apologizes or something and they actually become really good friends. Like he could teach her about how things works in Prythian and how to have some self-worth and dignity.

And Azriel omg just this bat needs a good slap. I honestly would rather the Reader end up with Eris or Helion. This Azriel is so mean and toxic. Like babe, if you want to end up with her you have a WHOLE lot to make up for.

And i really hope the Reader leave the Night Court. Just like flees in the night and makes them al regret being such d*cks to her. Like she could go to the exiles with Lucien, to Autumn with Eris or Day with Helion. I mean i would even be happy if she went to Spring tbh.

Anyway sorry for the rambling but i needed to get it all out. Your writing is amazing and I cannot wait to see what happens now and to read everything else you have!!

Lots of love 💕

Warnings below: mentions of ableism + human experimentation

This sort of stuff (regarding how obvious someone’s problems are) really interests me in a fantasy setting? I mean, the whole idea of mental disorders is a pretty recent realisation? I’m fairly certain that doctors/surgeons would sometimes operate on disabled people because they thought they couldn’t feel pain and were sub-human which is pretty horrific to think about :/

What I’m saying is I wonder how advanced their medical knowledge is? If technical terms exist??? Is the concept of mental health well-known???? Fun stuff 🥳

I mean, Feyre’s trauma manifested both physically and mentally; Nesta’s seemed much more internal though as a consequence it did have an impact on her physical health also, while reader so far has managed to keep to herself and aside from that one burst with Feyre, she hasn’t really shown many obvious signs to pick up on?

The Eris scene makes me laugh 🤩

He definitely should apologise, but… well, he’s Eris. Outlook not too good 🤔

WOW

You know it’s getting bad when you want reader to run away to the Spring Court 😭

Jokes aside, there is a fun little trip coming up (I would guess maybe two chapters away but I’m not sure? I want to keep the story entertaining but I also don’t want to rush any of the developments :/)

And please don’t apologise for rambling, I absolutely love reading your thoughts! It’s so fun to interact with these sorts of asks and seeing your reactions 🧡💛

[purple-ant]

I picked these fruits for you!!! 🍉🍊🍋

🍉 - Do you prefer to write short fics or long fics? Multichaptered works or single ones? Why?

I really feel better writing short fics because most of the time I have this one image/vibe that I really want to bring to life. But it doesn’t feel right sometimes, like I should give people more context/feelings/describe stuff which looks obvious to me but not for the reader- and suddenly I’m tired of writing -_-

I have a lot of ideas for multichapter works some of them even started but let’s say by now i started posting about six fics that were supposed to be big and only one of them is finished (Beat, Resonance, Unison), two are frozen and the rest haven't moved past the first chapter. I'm really worried about I Pray My Mind be Good to Me but it’s going pretty good, much better than I expected

So in the end short fics >>> long fics

🍊 - Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more? (They’re so interesting! But maybe you have trouble pinning them down, or keep getting distracted by another blorbo...)

Right now I think a LOT about Serenno royal family and not only Jenza (it is so fun to write her pov but it’s also a hard time for her :c poor girl doesn’t understand that ALL men in her family are bastards).

We don’t know much about Anya but the tiny pieces that the Cursed Book gives us are so tasty: she cares about the Funeral Moon and she is kinda cold with her kids and still - I think she is the one who called the Jedi for Dooku; she probably never loved Gora and it looks like women don’t have much power on Serenno-

And Ramil!! The first son, heir to the throne, he rebels against his father, finds sponsors and connections (including some very bad people) through his own efforts to become a pod-racer. And he’s good at it!! What was that about human inability not to win but even survive a podrace?? And how it feels when your only sister thinks that some sorcerer on Coruscant is a better brother than you? and THEN he becomes disabled because of his own actions and his father dies (did he kill Gora???) and he becomes a count and-

I want to study this family under a microscope

🍋 - What’s your favorite spicier trope to write?

Jess- JESS!!! ughhh you read so much of my unpublished porn and that's how you pay?? I can’t really say what is my favorite because how I understand the smut is more about feelings than tropes for me. Like if I catch the dynamic and feelings between characters, I can take myself and the reader into mostly anything (few tropes are too much even for me)

But in the end, I think it would be bondage and serving top (if this is the right term)

Something about the trust and giving the control to another person where the bottom can relax and not worry about anything. And the second thing is well, it’s something about serving, about the character giving their all just to make their loved one feel good without thinking about their own finish, pleasure not from their own stimulation but from simply seeing their partner enjoying and melting in their arms.

[rhineposting]

What do you think of Lilith? Do you think she got redeemed too fast, or do you think her development was fine?

I was really looking forward to seeing someone ask about her again, so I'm more than happy to answer!

Per usual, more below the cut.

From the beginning I rather enjoyed Lilith as a character, both design, personality and writing wise as she proved to be a fun mix of both a very powerful and intelligent sorceress and a nerdy older sister.

As opposed to some people, I consider her arc to be rather well written, when you look at in retrospect. Her story is of that coming to terms with her individuality, self worth and even at some point, her faith.

(NOTE : Since I already discussed most of her trauma related to her being a former cult member in my first post about her, as well as parts of her family related trauma in another post, I will focus on other aspects of her character in this one.)

From when we first see her in Covention, we see that she's ridden with guilt upon seeing her sister in a fragile state - believing it was her fault. Which technically was, it was just that at this very moment Eda was playing dumb. In that guilt, to every opportunity of getting Eda to join her cause and in turn cured, she immediately broke her Covenhead persona - the one she built up for years and practically wears as her face. If that makes sense.

Right then and there, I had a feeling that she would join the main cast later on. So I wouldn't say it was done too quickly? It was hinted for a good while, in my opinion.

As for the other things...

The crew did incredible when portraying her. Their use of combined tropes in her character were executed delightfully! Instead of appearing obnoxious, like with Odalia and Boscha, they blended together into a very cohesive charaterization of a nerdy, older sibling character - without making her look like a complete joke. Even though throughout the show her excitement in history and alike is often a base for jokes, it's never actually made fun of.

She is almost never shamed for her interests nor how she approaches them. However, when it does happen it's either her sister, or another character who is clearly depicted as being in the wrong. It's a small thing, but to people who grew up being ridiculed for their hobbies, it probably means the world.

Most importantly, her being the scholarly type is never her whole character - it's just a puzzle piece that makes the picture of who she is. She's also very perceptive, determined person who learns very quickly and is ready to put herself before her family.

Personally, I also liked how the show portrayed her struggles at the very beginning of season 2.

On top of still feeling guilty over essentially rendering her sister disabled for the rest of her life, she had to also deal with the baggage that came with being a cult survivor that for years was deprived of her true identity, stripped of her self worth as an individual and led to believe her self worth was determined by whether or not she was devoting herself to serving a higher power or goal.

All of that combined eventually lead to her initially seeking full independence and refusing any help, which is actually quite realistic, as finding balance is probably the hardest part in recovering and healing. Been there myself.

Though, even almost at the very end of seaon 2, we still see her struggle. This time, with faith. After being used to having a figure of absolute authority all her life, she immediately latches onto the idea of King being a god, once again indirectly trying to reduce herself to a faithful servant.

It's actually one of my favourite aspects of her arc. Progress and healing is not linear, and so there will be moments of returning to old ways of thinking and acting - which is what happened to Lilith, and there is nothing wrong about it. No one tried to shame her for it, or viewed her as crazy.

In fact, precisely the opposite happens! In that same episode, we see a character portrayed as being at peace with himself admit that he had gone through something similar and offered advice based on his own experience! And King simply told her that he's seeing a "pattern" in her behaviour, reminding her that what she was doing was unhealthy to her, first and foremost - not that she was weird or wrong for it. Just misguided.

In the end, all of that built up for a very satisfying conclusion - she made a best friend, came to terms with her disability and made peace with it, reconnected with her family after being separated from them for years, started working in her actual desired field of interests and actually grew into the person she wanted to be, surrounded by people who respect and love her for who she is.

Just how am I not supposed to love her as well? It's literally impossible. Per my best friend and soulmate's words, who said it best :

10/10

Hilarious. Magnificent. Incredible. She's the dream.

[alpaca-clouds]

You are not worse than big name writers

You know what? A few days ago I reblogged this one post and rebutted it in my TL. This one thing saying: "Hey, you are a worse writer than all the established writers, as you are writing your fanfics. But that is okay. You can just do something because you like to do it."

And that one really, really bugged me. Because while the post doesn't reference who they mean with established writers... either way, it rings untrue.

Let me explain: Literature as an industry and as an artistic medium has a lot of problems. Chiefly among them that it is gatekeepy as fuck and very much centered around the experience of cishet men (in the west mostly white cishet men). Meanwhile those white cishet men can at times churn out the most average bullshit, and they will still be celebrated for it.

I still remember one book that is at times considered part of the German literary canon. "Steppenwolf" by Herman Hesse. Sure, it is an old book, but also... It is unstructured as fuck. The writer is very much not interested in the female characters. Generally most characters are underwritten. Oh, and there are sentences in this book, that are almost 200 words long. A single sentence. 200 words. Yes.

And if you really look at it, a lot of the "literary canon" works are similar. Often unstructured (because that's artistic, I guess), mostly desinterested in female characters, or really anything that does not center a white man.

Back then, I compared "Steppenwolf" in an essay for the class to "Homo Faber", which for the record is one of those literary works I kinda like, because the style spoke to me. But if you do not know about "Homo Faber": It is about a depressed guy travelling the world, and by happenstance meeting a girl young enough to be his daughter, falling for her, sleeping with her, she dies. Plot twist, she was not only young enough to be his daughter, she WAS his daughter. Dude dies of pancreatic cancer in the end. It is a book I really did enjoy in terms of the writing style. But... I mean, can you think of a plot more white, cishet male than that?

The literary "genre" (that does not want to be genre, because it stands above the genre literature) is for the most part just cishet dudes smelling their own farts in a very artistic way with stylistic devices and shit. Sure, there are great books in this genre, mostly by people who are not in fact cishet or ablebodied, but those are not the ones usually getting celebrated or put into the "canon". Because we cannot challenge the fucking patriarchy, can we now?

And if we go into genre literature, like... Talking about western publishing mostly, because that is what I know: Most big releases are still mostly cishet white people, writing about white cishet experiences. Like, maybe you might find something in there, that is a white, cis queer woman, but... That's usually the most you get.

Sure, there are a few releases by non-white, trans or disabled people, but those are still super rare compared to actual demographics within each country. And usually outside of smaller publishing houses... Well, let's put it like this: Books are not allowed to rock the boat too much, right?

I have been told - and I know that the same is true for a whole lot of other writers - that a black, queer, polyamorous, autistic character is "unrealistic" and "asking too much of the reader" in a fantasy book.

Meanwhile there is tons of average, if not outright bad books being published by white, cis writers, focusing on white, cis perspectives. I mean, it is kinda a meme to rant about Coleen Hoover or Sarah J. Maas, but... Let's face it. It is, what it is. Those are not exactly well written. And, to put it frankly: Most fanfics I have read on Ao3 were at least of the same quality, if not a lot better than those books.

So, like... No?

Is there tons of bad fics out there? Yes. Are fanfics a medium for new writers to first explore their writing? Yes. But are fanfics on average worse than published literature? I would very much argue, no.

And of course, it should be said that yeah, fanfics themselves still have a big, big issue with featuring white, western perspectives. While a lot of fic writers are queer, they are mostly white, cis queer women. And a lot of writers from more marginalized groups struggle to find their audience, which is definitely an issue.

But, like... Don't act as if getting a book published somehow says something about the quality.

[norbezjones]

I've been thinking a lot about something concerning Romance The Backrooms, so I wanted to write it down and share it.

Content Warning: Discussion of suicidal thoughts, self harm, mental health issues, and homelessness. There is a hopeful ending.

I got the idea for RtB in October, when I was living on a friend's couch and trying to find permanent housing. That ended up being a really difficult month for me, because I self-harmed for the first time in months and, as a result, I went to inpatient.

I was there for a while, and I got better. With all the time I had in thee, I worked on creative things, and really fleshed out RtB. I couldn't live with my friend anymore after October ended, but the social worker told me that she would find me a group home.

However, when I was transferred to a different wing of the hospital, I was given a new social worker. And this one said that I couldn't get into a group home, and he was going to discharge me into a homeless shelter asap.

That resulted in a spike of suicidal thoughts. Why had I come this far, only for this to happen to me? Should I just end it? But, no--if I did that, who would be around to make Romance The Backrooms? If my light snuffed out now, that game would never be made.

I've been suicidal since I was 10 years old, and it's usually not big, grand things that make me want to stay alive. It's the dogs I would never pet and the movies I'd never be able to watch that make me say, "One more day." And RtB became my "One more day." It became the reason why I persevered.

After I was discharged, my friends told me that I still needed inpatient help & psychiatric care. So after toughing things out for a few days, I brought myself to the ER and was admitted. A few days later, I was brought to another inpatient, and two weeks later, that inpatient sent me to a short-term residential program.

It was a wonderful program, and I met some fantastic people there. I also worked more on RtB--I figured out all of my love interests, and drew them for the first time. On the characters profiles, which you can view here, there are drawings with the description, "Concept art from when I was in treatment in December 2023." These were all done while I was at the residential program.

I was able to scrounge up some money to be able to get an Airbnb after I discharged--it was cheaper than other options, and would hopefully be temporary while I searched for permanent housing.

Unfortunately, finding housing is difficult when you haven't worked in 2 years (mainly thanks to pseudo-dementia, which I've documented extensively in this game here), and don't have the money for a security deposit. I also wasn't poor enough or disabled enough to get help from the government. Very unfortunate.

Long story short, I ran out of funds to stay at the Airbnb in 2 months. I was able to get into a short-term housing program for homeless folks with mental health issues. That was when I met Kevin.

Kevin told me he could help me get hotel & housing vouchers if I went with him after our time at the program was done. I had no other options, so I did. I spent the money I had keeping us afloat at a motel while we waited for the voucher, and went across the state to a different one when Kevin told me the one we were at wouldn't accept the voucher. When he left to retrieve it, I waited very patiently for him to return.

He never did.

I suspect the whole thing was some sort of scam all along, and even though part of me knew it could be, I went with it because it was either go with Kevin, or go to the homeless shelter.

The next day, I had to check out of the motel--I had literally no money left. I gathered my bags and sat in the lobby--well, I say lobby, but there weren't any chairs or tables, so I was basically sitting on the ground in the corner of the room, with sun from the window scorching my back--while I tried to come up with a plan.

I made a lot of phone calls to people who might be able to help me, but nothing came through. Even 211 had nothing, because the homeless shelters in the town I was in were full.

I became suicidal again at that moment. Again, the eternal question: why had I come this far, only for this to happen to me? Should I just end it?

No, goddammit. If I go now, Romance The Backrooms will never be made, I thought to myself. I want to be around to make it. I want to be around to see it through. Come on, Bez. Things looks like shit, but let's keep going anyway.

Not long after that thought came to my mind, another person entered my head, someone else I could call. I wavered, but eventually decided to try calling them, and they answered. They were able to help.

It's thanks to them that I am where I am today. I have housing for a while, and I got a job that I'm satisfied with.

Best of all, I'm working on Romance The Backrooms.

I'm so happy I stayed around to see it through.

[jonesthebonelord]

“To be fair a lot of people on this site are valid for having a negative reaction to the word, but I just think it's enabling discrimination to let it become a slur.”

i think its a little too late… like if you “have to” write a word out as “the _-word” im pretty sure its already considered derogatory. i dont really understand what youre looking for here?

I get what you mean, but the thing is there isn't really a reason to write it out as "the R-word" though. Like, the people who do that do it because they don't want to say it, and that can be applied to nearly any word that other people consider a curse word and choose not to say as well. I've had to say "the C-word" in front of my mother because she believes that it's a misogynistic slur.

As things stand though I will censor it in order to keep things relatively civil. I just wish people got that it really isn't worse than those "low IQ specimen" memes. If anything, those might be worse since they're more specific with who they're about, and they're actively making a joke out of them.

Regardless of if it's a slur, whatever metric you choose to measure by, it has little reason to be one. A disability is an inherently negative thing, and ceasing usage of a term for one because it's considered too negative feels somewhat absurd. They're called disabilities for a reason. Besides, nearly every disability is used on occasion as an insult, because it's rather hard to insult someone without saying they're doing subpar.

As it stands, for the foreseeable future I will continue to censor it on most occasions, but I think eventually people will probably stop caring, just as they did with moron and imbecile, which both meant the exact same thing.