#but in terms of disability writing I think she did really well

[bogkeep]

forgive me father for i have once again listened to a podcast episode discussing a topic that makes me go >:( and now i must write a blog post about it.

the topic was, i guess Learned Helplessness although they never really used that term. the whole talk got very Kids These Days-y in a way that just. does not sit well with me, very generalizing and victim-blamey. but it IS a complicated topic, because there are many things i DO agree with:

- learning to sit with discomfort, inconvenience and conflict is a good and necessary skill

- anti-intellectualism is bad, and challenging yourself can be very rewarding

- people do have a certain amount of agency and responsibility for their actions

- being in community is good and hyperindividualism is not so good

but oh... how do people argue for how everyone should be constantly challenging themselves and be responsible for everything in their lives, in the same breath as decrying self care (or "self care" with the quotation marks) as hyperindividualist?

is this a los angeles thing. do all podcasters live in LA or something

do i have a different definition of community??????

one of my fundamental philosophies that i've carried with me through life is that not everyone can do everything, and nobody does everything the same. we have different strengths and limits, we do things at different speeds, and in community we can compensate for our differences. and most importantly, nobody needs to be "deserving" of help and resources - everyone should have a right to help and resources.

i volunteered at my local queer youth organization for several years. i did what i could when i could do it. for a while i was the only one with access to a car, so i helped out a lot when moving offices, or when we travelled to a rural town to help out with their first ever pride parade. when i moved out i no longer had access to the car. at every parade i was at, one thing that was made clear in all the speeches was that when we march, we march not only for ourselves, but for everyone unable to join. there was never any shame in being unable to join. be it because of safety reasons, or disability, or just plain availability - not everyone can join! not everyone wants to join! enough people do that we have a parade regardless.

something that became pretty difficult at one point is when the leader of the local chapter started taking on too many tasks and delegating too little, essentially bringing the whole organisation to a halt when she was unable to do the tasks and nobody else had access to them. not knowing your limits makes you a choking point.

and like, okay. i'll be the first to admit that i take the whole sentiment of "you're not trying hard enough" a little bit personally. me, and probably every other disabled and neurodivergent person who has had to hear it a million zillion times while they try and try and try and it just does not yield the results - or they yield only at a great cost.

i have several painful memories of my mother, a woman who gets huffy if she has to stand in a queue for too long, implying that i am unwilling to leave my comfort zone. i've grown up thinking that i'm a weak willed and sensitive soul due to personal failing, or maybe a failing to break a bone in my childhood, and hey, maybe it's true. though i AM starting to suspect someof the challenges i face are like, actual challenges, mayhaps due to being autistic and marginalized in a hostile society.

i can't speak on behalf of all disabled people, but i suspect many are familiar with the experience of not being believed when they say they can't do something.

so... okay. how DO we synthesize the 'learned helplessness epidemic' with the fact that people have limits. surely there's a middle ground between "you're not helpless, you can do anything you set your mind to if you just try harder" and "you're not responsible for anything ever and owe people nothing".

i don't know! i just don't think there's a one size fits all solution. making yourself be active and go out is good if you've got depression, and not good if you've got severe burnout. there are times when you may need to push yourself, and times when you need to be forgiving and let yourself rest. is scrolling on your phone for three hours rotting or resting? it depends! it just does!

i think there's great power in knowing your limits. knowing what you can and can't do means finding solutions - sometimes you find an alternative way of doing something, sometimes you need someone else to do it, sometimes you can learn and practice how to do the thing, and sometimes it doesn't need doing. i don't think it's necessary to have to do everything in the most challenging or normative way possible. if it's difficult to throw away trash, maybe you need more available trash cans. i think it's far, far more responsible to be honest about what you can do than overpromise only to crash and burn.

i'm just!!! so exhausted by the idea of constantly pushing yourself, as if improvement can only happen through exertion.

(quick rundown examples brought up in the podcast that made me grind my teeth:

- "unless you have a LEGITIMATE REASON i think picky eating is a moral failing" ghhgrghhgghhhhh

- the whole "americans are getting worse at reading and they only read garbage" as if all reading must be Intellectual and Challenging and that's the True Purpose Of Books. also, not to be like "the american school system has failed you" but the american school system has been failing to teach people to read. like that is actually a thing. i know anti-intellectualism is on the rise and there's a myriad of reasons behind it. but it's weird to me that nobody brings this up!

- "a fifteen year old feeling uncomfortable with this pop star because she's so sexualized" yeah they're fifteen. do you remember how uncomfortable it is to be fifteen and dealing with your body and sexuality in a society that's simultaneously pushing sex at you at every turn while also being extremely weird about sex due to religion probably. im willing to cut all teenagers a lot of slack for being weird about sex and sexuality tbh

- implying people mostly order food/grocery delivery because they're lazy and anxious. Surely People Do It For Myriads Of Other Reasons

- brief mention of "people have less sex than before". stares into the camera asexually

- they didn't actually bring up Therapy Speak but it feels very much in the same vein, you know? a lot of talk about people using mental illness and trauma as an excuse for avoiding things, but you know what might help with a lot of that? therapy. probably. i would hope. like trauma does in fact fuck with your conflict resolution skills, and a lot of people have plenty reasons to be traumatized. Considering)

anyway that's all for now

[cripplecharacters]

Hi, Im writing two autistic characters and I would like some advice for their backstory. I myself am autistic and Im using them to project my own experiences, but Id like to ask for some outside opinions as well. The two characters are twins, the sister was always better at masking than the brother, who also had really bad sensory issues. In the future they ended up having a falling out when their friend group all goes out to a concert, and the brother can’t enjoy it because the noise hurts his ears. Afterwards they go to a restaurant and they have an arguement because the brother can’t eat the food due to his sensory issues (keep in mind neither of them are diagnosed) and they’ve been on not the best terms since and low contact. The main reason why its such a big deal is because it was meant to celebrate one of their friends (brother’s best friend) getting into their dream college.

Their story basically tackles the brother learning that he isn’t a burden on the people around him, while the sister also tackles her own internalized ableism.

Hi asker,

So their backstory seems to me, based on the information I have from this ask, that the sister is generally being at least somewhat ableist towards her brother. And since they are both undiagnosed, there's also an element of not understanding sensory needs (especially the brother's) because they aren't necessarily attributing it to being a disability trait. Since the sister masks more than the brother, perhaps she is seeing his sensory issues as something he should be able to control or something of the sort. And the event you describe is kind of the tipping point for their relationship.

Please correct me if I'm wrong there, by the way.

So, I'm not sure on advice on what specifically you want regarding the backstory, but it does seem like a pretty realistic situation, especially in regards to the way you want the story to go. It seems like it's open for character development for both the characters, and probably the friends too.

As a note to your story, not the backstory, internalized ableism is mostly about being ableist to yourself. Disabled people can be ableist to other disabled people, sometimes as a result of internalized ableism and sometimes it's just entirely externalized ableism. The sister does I bet have internalized ableism about herself, and can be ableist towards her brother and his needs. If you want her to address her internalized ableism, she should probably address ableist behavior she's had towards her brother, too.

Some general questions I have that you might want to ask yourself are:

what exactly bothers the sister so much about this? yes, it's about their friend getting into their dream college so i can get that she's mad they didn't celebrate 'accordingly,' but is there anything else?

what does the brother say or do when he gets invited to things like the concert or the restaurant where he can't eat anything? did he know he wouldn't be able to enjoy them? was he hoping to anyway? did he not know and is just finding out how hard that was going to be for him?

what does the brother feel about how his sister has acted? likewise, what does the sister feel about how her brother acted?

do either of them ever figure out they're autistic?

what do the friends feel like about the falling out? they were there. and the way the friends feel and react likely affects how Brother and Sister feel and react as well -- friends can take sides, try to stay out of it, etc.

you say the sister is better at masking than the brother. how does she feel about that? how does she feel about masking? what exactly does she have to mask?

how does the brother feel about his own masking ability? about his sister's ability to do the same?

also, do either of them understand this as masking or is it more of a "i'm sure everyone's doing this all the time. whatever" type of situation?

By the way, I put these questions not because I think you haven't posed any of these questions to yourself already. You probably have asked yourself at least some of them, and know probably many of the answers even if you haven't specifically asked yourself the question.

Mostly I'm putting them out there because answering them and/or knowing you already have the answer can help you like, feel comfortable in how you are telling the story and characterizing these characters.

You currently seem to have a pretty reasonable starting point that makes sense within the story you want to tell. This feels like something that, yeah, that could just happen in real life, and probably has. I think that's likely what you were going for, from what I can gather, so, that would work out!

Hope this helps,

mod sparrow

[thurio-edau]

SBG GANG MENTAL ANALYSIS

yup, him for part two. funny thing despite Aiden being my favourite character I'm most excited for the other three posts I'll make, especially the last one. there's a lot to unpack here so

also im writing this with a migraine pls read it-

Part 2: Aiden Clark

ah, yes. the obviously-mentally-ill from the start fan favourite Aiden Clark. let's go.

first, I want to start with something I find really important about his character, what makes him heavily mischaracterized in the fandom. the 'psychopath' cliche.

the terms 'psychopath', 'insane' and 'unstable' are often confused with each other due to media stereotypes, such as Aiden here. one, he is not a psychopath. psychopath literally means a self-centered person who lacks sympathy, affection and care; making them far from most other characters in their franchise. their lack of sympathy/empathy often makes them criminalized, here

disturbing content warning, for an example of a psychopath.

let's take Gressil from Homesick for example since a lot of SBG readers also read Homesick. so, here, Gressil is a perfect example of an actual psychopath. his lack of empathy makes him torment others, he's very self-centered. and when asked why he's doing this? he says he was bored. let's look at Aiden here. what does Aiden do when bored? probably dumb ideas or annoy Tyler. not torturing people for fun. Aiden is just a boy who likes thrills, but he has a sense of empathy, care and justice.

you wanna see a psychopathic Aiden?? the canvas is it

(our local Logan hater is publishing the canvas eps go checc beachy out)

but that's him, not our Aiden. canvas does not equal originals y'all

alright, now since we got that cleared out!! firstly, ADHD.

I think everyone in the fandom is already aware that Aiden is ADHD but I'm still going to talk about it just like Ashlyn's autism. Red has also said that she wrote Aiden with ADHD in mind but hadn't canonically confirmed anyone as neurodivergent. let's start with the main symptoms of ADHD, also known as Attention Decifit and Hyperactivity Disorder.

I know about 5 different ADHD people myself and did some research, it probably won't be extremely accurate since I'm not ADHD myself, but I'll try to do whatever I can. first with the AD part, Attention Decifit.

now as seen, he doesn't exactly have any problems with theorizing itself. but the problem is that his attention just goes away easily.

i mean cmon bro was making memes on the job

he tries to do work, but can't. he has a low attention span which makes him not able to concentrate. he can't keep it up for long, he'll get distracted or bored too easily about things that doesn't interest in specially.

it's just distracting. what his attention is on constantly changes, there's more to that after the ADHD part but we're here for now.

the hyperactivity... it's a lot more apparent. but I should explain the insane-unstable thing before that.

insane means that someone's mental health is not in an okay situation, where it prevents the person from thinking normally, acting rationally, very often found together with delusions. the person is seriously mentally ill where it might count as a disability.

unstable, however, where someone is prone to psychiatric problems, has moodswings etc. they're not exactly the most sane person, but they aren't insane either. Aiden here, obviously falls on the unstable side. maybe just a little bit insane if you squint. this will be brought up later too, but it mixed well with his hyperactivity too.

and as we all know, our boy isn't exactly the most stable person. (sorry for the collages, but since there is a tumblr picture limit i have to keep on collaging. yes i learnt from the last time) his hyperactivity mixes with his unstable mindset which makes him incresingly vulnerable to danger- which he likes. from when the first shift happened, he's been really careless about stuff but it's been all about his love for thrill.

and it irritates Tyler, too.

the main subplot about his character is that he's a person of excitement. guess what? ADHD people like the excitement, they like new things, they like the adrenaline and thrill. now, Aiden's main characteristic of being unstable mixed with ADHD makes him an even more reckless person. another thing mixing with the hyperactivity, is boundaries.

this part will mostly be about Ashlyn since the boundary issue only happens with her.

I talked about this on Ashlyn's side on my Ashlyn analysis, now it's time for Aiden's side.

he's really annoying to her at first. Ashlyn is someone with lots of boundaries, like high walls. and who tries to climb them with his dumbass? Aiden of course.

she kept rejecting his efforts to befriend her for some time, until the night they stole the jeep. then she managed to actually bring the walls down, and accept them all into her life. but damn was she blunt.

felt that honestly

and Aiden understands her that night, too.

Ashlyn was hesistant to hug him, yes, he was aware. but she still did which made him realize she was also trying. i have to tell you, people with ADHD and people with autism either have trouble getting along, or go perfectly well. my ADHD sibling for example, I have to push them away for a lot and tell them to lower their voice. but once they remember my boundaries it actually becomes a normal, even pleasant hangout. which, Aiden realizes and tries to get along with. he tries.

seeing his efforts on her boundaries makes something click in her mind. and she starts to be a lot nicer when they hang out in the arcade.

Aiden eventually learns and remembers what she's like and what she loves to do. he already tried to watch her ballet sessions once -got slammed-, he's been to her room where he remembered the mat from and her fighting makes it obvious. I'm sure he knew he'd get cooked by betting that. but he still did,

because he knew it'd interest her. which he succeeded, he saw her smile again. the arcade day went great until Barron and his gang pulled up, but if we ignore that part it all went well. Aiden started to understand and respect her boundaries.

anyways then Tyler fucking dies

he knows that Ashlyn feels guilty. Aiden wants to comfort her through it, but also do it correctly. without going over any boundaries. which makes him really,

really,

really surprised when she responds.

also including this pannel cause its hilarious

here we see that he's still trying. hell, I'm sure he spent minutes thinking if he should come close physically to help her. that's probably why he just nudged her softly before anything else. he's not used to it, he has to conciously make an effort to not cross said boundaries. keeping his voice lower, try to not be so reckless, not doing anything physically close unless she reciprocates. wow how i wish another someone i knew irl tried that hard instead of blaming it on me cOUGH COUGH COUGH

also other small things to include

he's yapping a lot

he has a comically large amount of puzzles in his backpack for one single trip

and sticks his head into lamps for some reason

but that's just Aiden and his little neurodivergent brain for ya.

now the part I wanted to get to the most.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

first, what is Borderline Personality Disorder?

shortened as BPD, borderline is when someone's mood is inconsistent and swinging. think of it's name; the person's mental state is in the border, in the border line, switching up fastly. the most easily understood and common type is when the person goes from a depression to a happy state. but no matter which state they are in and/or go to, one thing stays the same: it is unstable.

one thing about borderline is that it is frequently mixed with bipolar. however bipolar is a neurodivengercy which means it is what someone is born with and cannot be changed. but borderline is obtained later in life. it usually happens with depression. bipolar is much more random and the episodes last longer in comparison. it may last up to hours, and the person's memory might have trouble remembering their episodes. borderline, on the other hand, is a short-lived mood swing.

now here. here's the catch; people with BPD during mood swings can have reckless behaviour, suicidal thoughts -in his case as far as we know, lowered sense of protecting himself- or a loss of understanding danger. sounds familiar?

borderline's recklessness and dangerousness, sometimes self-destructive acts combines with ADHD's love for thrill and excitement, combined with Aiden's own personality all make up for a great condition of instability.

Aiden's behaviour constantly goes crazy, I think his most frequent mood swing might be his normal self (at least, as normal as he could be) to this more maniac way of acting. I noticed it from his eyes, when he's in a more calm-ish normal state his pupils are a bit more dilated. in the pictures above, you can clearly see that he's still in the episode; filled with the adrenaline, the unstable way of thinking.

but, what causes that? surely a mental illness such as borderline doesn't happen on it's own.

right?

cause it didn't.

it never works that way.

but it can get better.

eventually.

but what happened to him?

personally, as much as a large amounnt of people seems to believe it's something like family abuse I don't think so. maybe neglect, maybe withdrawal, maybe maybe. but we've seen his parents. I don't think they would hurt him like that. I can't put any more pictures, but this is the last part anyway. his parents seem to be kind and gentle, despite that picture in his house. I'm thinking the picture was only for the dramatic effect. his parents said that he used to be really calm and quiet during Lily's birthday, and both Aiden and Ben seem comfortable around them. they were happy taking Ben in too, any kind of abusive parent wouldn't do that at least that's what I believe. also there is that Aiden got serious and concerned when he learnt that their parents were also in the facility, most likely worried for his own as you would have thought.

there was a post that I've been trying to find for like half an hour, I commented on it but I can't find the post now. the person talked about their own theory. if I remember correctly it was that when Aiden was depressive as a child, his parents took him to a thrilling activity like the ones he's been talking about (bungee-jumping, skydiving etc.) and the thrill made him actually get excited. which is why his parents allowed him to go even more reckless, because they are aware of how prone their son could be to the depression.

what happened? let's ignore the parents factor. someone can have a loving family and still be traumatized, someone can be taken care of and still feel abandoned, someone can never have confronted a situation they are terrified of.

one of my theories is that, the loneliness. it must get to a child heavily considering children need to not be left alone, but Aiden was. he didn't have any actual friends since they always moved from one place to another from his parents' business, and they might have not had enough time to make for him (which I believe is bullshitting, every child deserves to be taken some time out for. some people quit their jobs entirely for their child.) and be unaware, and that doesn't change that he was still depressed and alone. his depressive state was seemingly before Ben was taken in. now here one thing with borderline, at least from my experience, is faking actions. smiles, laughs, friendships, conversations... almost as if there's two different lives; one fake, and one real. you keep on switching, you keep on swinging between the sides where you're yourself and where you're just mimicking 'normal human behaviour'.

it starts from faking a happy state during their depression, and by time you're faking it it becomes an automatic adition to your personality. to your mind. once it furthers, it becomes the disorder. Aiden we see is always smiling. it becomes a habit that only breaks sometimes. now, I'm not saying his smile is fake- I think his face is literally just stuck like that. it breaks ever so slightly sometimes. fake it till ya make it yanno? that kind of thing. and when he swings from his calm mood to his borderline-d mood, his pupils get small and his smile gets worse. noticably worse. I'll be rereading the series (AGAIN) and this time look at all the small details since Red loves putting them and I love theorizing so

which, wraps up the Aiden thing! im actually really proud of how i could put my thoughts into text which i never could. i'd love any additions because i love other opinions as well.

and you know what? im glad Ash and Ai are out of the place because the rest are what I'm actually looking forward to >:)

...and i should sleep. really.

(wow sorry yall i finished this hours ago and said 'alright reread to make sure its good before sleep' and fell asleep through it lol sorry for 4 hour delay ig)

(leaving for school rn see yall 8 hours later 🫡)

[haveyouseenthisskeleton]

hii im really getting into the horror boys mainly and wanna learn more about their scars, can you write down all of the horror boy's biggest like physical dissabilities, or things they have a hard time with, and like what are they missing, like i think copper is missing one arm etc etc

Horrortale Sans

He sacrificed himself Underground as Undyne and Alphys wanted to use his brother's eyes at first, so he tricked Willow into not going and went instead. The encounter didn't go well, as Oak pretty much told Undyne all he had on the heart, which pissed her off a little too much. Since he wasn't going to cooperate, Undyne threw two spears in his ribs, dusting four of them permanently. She then tried to grab Oak's eye by his socket, but since it wasn't working as he kept moving and defend himself, she threw a spear through his head. She left him for dead there, and Willow found him pretty much agonizing in Hotlands.

Oak fell into a coma for weeks, maintained alive by Toriel and Willow's hard work. Toriel managed to infuse enough magic into his socket to recreate an artificial eye, but he can't see colors. He sees all in black and white, and he's blind in his right eye. Except that, when he woke up, he was pretty much unresponsive. He couldn't talk, couldn't eat, couldn't walk, couldn't even clean himself. He had to learn everything again, and it took around two years to be more or less functional again.

He's permanently disabled, though. He has short-term memory loss and can forget pretty much what he did right after he did it. He can't be unsupervised for a long time, as he's dangerous to himself. He can't cook, he can't drive, he can't use sharp objects, if he's in a place he doesn't know, he gets lost. He also needs to focus really hard on everything, so he talks really slowly, he does things very slowly, and it's not rare that he just zones out because he's bugged. It's very complicated for him, but he's more used to it now.

Horrortale Papyrus

Willow had that extremely bad habit of gnawing on wood when he was hungry, Underground, which is the main reason his teeth were in such a bad condition. That and the last fight against Undyne, as Undyne hit him in the face several times and dislocated his jaw. His teeth are still being treated, years after, but he's almost done with them.

As for his back, it's the result of his sudden growth because of the lack of food. A monster grows its entire life, but sometimes, it can accelerate growth when the body isn't enough to sustain basic needs, as magic levels grow with the body. Willow grew up way too fast, and his body didn't follow because of the starvation. His spine is too fine to support the rest of the body, heavier, and so he's in constant pain. Added to that, Undyne threw a spear in his spine in the last battle that almost paralyzed him permanently. The doctors warned him that he had to be extremely careful, as another hit or shock could paralyze him completely.

Willow walks with a cane (when he thinks about it) and has a wheelchair for the bad days, as he's sometimes too much in pain to walk. He also has a medicalised bed and needs to have access to everything without having to crouch, as it's extremely painful for him.

Horrorswap Sans

Nugget had a big growth, so he's taller than Blue and almost as big as Oak. Like Willow, his back is fragile, but still a lot better than his friend's.

He has tons of scars on his entire body. Not all humans died without fighting, and he got shot, beaten, had broken bones... All of these injuries didn't heal properly as Nugget refused to ask for help. He's missing two fingers on his right hand because a human bit them off. He has ugly scars on the entire skull.

His worst injury is his missing leg, which he lost fighting Alphys. He's amputated below the knee and wears a prosthetic leg. He's extremely resilient and worked hard to walk normally again, so it's hard to tell he's disabled, even though he's limping. He refuses to show any weakness and will get mad if someone stares at his leg too much.

Horrorswap Papyrus

He's in a horrifying state. After years of torture, he left the Underground with a terrifying number of unhealed fractures and scars. Most of his bones have bumps or are not straight anymore, especially his arms and legs. Alphys broke them so many times that they healed above the fractures. Because of this, he has premature arthritis, so any joints are extremely painful. He walks with a cane.

Several bones were dusted as well. He's missing half of his ribs, and Underswap Undyne had to replace the missing ones with metal so his soul doesn't stay exposed. He's missing several small bones everywhere in his body, which makes his arthritis worse. He also has a lot of scars everywhere, like someone carved his bones sometimes, which is not far from the truth.

Because of his many many head traumas, he can't see very well and he has some uncontrollable spasms from time to time, especially when he's nervous.

Obviously, his worst injury is his missing inferior jaw. He can't eat solid food, he can't talk except for a few sounds, and all his face is painful. Underswap Undyne built a prosthetic jaw, but it's still very experimental and it's fake, it can't imitate how a jaw work. It's purely aesthetic. However, eating only liquid food is provoking other problems as his body doesn't get enough magic nutrients to function normally, so he has to take meds to compensate... Which makes him sick.

Added to all of this, there's obviously the traumas. Pumpkin is scared of anything he doesn't know, and any negative experience sends him into a panic attack. It's hard to make him snap out of his crisis. Loud noises, big movements, and people screaming are a big big no and makes him panic, and sometimes attack if he can't flee.

Horrorfell Sans

Since the Underfell Monsters were already suffering from famine way before the actual famine happened, they were less affected by the entire deal. However, Copper still had an impressive growth, and he's as big as Oak, even a little bigger. He's big boi.

Copper bones are full of scars, both from before and during the famine. He's blind in an eye, but it's from birth, so he's used to it. However, he's missing an arm, yes. It happened. He doesn't care too much about it, as it's pretty common in the Underground, and at least he's still alive, so that could have been worse. He's amputated above the shoulder from his right arm. He has a prosthetic arm, but he doesn't use it that much as it's heavy and he doesn't like it. He couldn't care less what people think of it, honestly.

He has a few teeth problems as well, but he doesn't want to get them treated and prefers to hide that he's in pain, as he would rather die than admit he needs help.

Other than that, he's pretty good mentally and happy to be out of hell. Well... He has PTSD because of loud noises and that cave in he was stuck under, but he can deal with it (not very well, but once again, he will push anyone trying to help lol).

Horrorfell Papyrus

Like his brother, he's big big boi. He would have similar problems to Willow if Undyne hadn't messed up his spine so bad that he can't feel anything in his lower body :D Chief is completely paralyzed below his pelvis. He didn't have any sensitivity in his legs for months, but recently, he made some progress with therapy and managed to move his toes a little. It's still far from healing, and he knows he will never be able to walk normally again, but just being able to stand up would be nice.

He's living his immobility badly, but he resigned to his fate. Sometimes, he gets really frustrated with not being able to do the things he wants, and he definitely struggles with accessibility, as he realized the Surface is not made for wheelchairs. He can't stand random humans trying to help him going somewhere, he can't stand having to wait to see if the bus driver can take him in or not, he's tired of having to call every place he's going to check if it's alright, or to be treated like an annoyance. He just wants to be independent, but things are for sure not helping.

Added to that, he had to put his pride aside to ask for help sometimes, which he doesn't like. It's fine with his brother, but showing he's vulnerable to humans is something he really doesn't like.

Other than that, he's alright mentally. He already went through worse Underground, so the Surface is for sure a relief. He's actually Pumpkin's support skeleton because he is comforting to have around, which is a shock for him. Man, he didn't know he could have friends, so how the hell was he supposed to know he inspires trust?

Horrorswapfell San

Bear wanted to help to break the Barrier, but Undyne just wanted him dead because she hates his guts. Undyne cut his face open. He doesn't have a face above the nose, just a gigantic hole. He's completely blind. The worst part is that she tortured him, for hours, without any anesthesia.

Bear is traumatized. First of all because in a world where anything can kill you, being blind is a death sentence, secondly because he knew that if he showed up in front of Toriel like that, she would have put him out of his misery, and thirdly, because the entire thing is extremely traumatic, obviously. He has an extreme fear of touch, and he's extremely jumpy. Never sneak out on him, or you get stabbed. His magic is the only thing he has left, unaffected by some sort of miracle, and when he feels in danger, he attacks with no warning.

His growth made his entire body painful, and he has arthritis. He takes painkillers every day, both for the hole in his face and for his bones, and he walks very slowly. He can't walk for a long time either. He tends to overdose because he can't stand the pain anymore, but it's not good for him.

Mentally, he still has a lot of panic attacks and anxiety. It's getting better now that he doesn't have to fear for his life every second of his life, but he is extremely insecure and doesn't like to get out of his comfort zone. He almost never gets out of the farm, he flees all interactions with people he doesn't know and as soon as he's uncomfortable, he shuts down like an oyster and goes to lock himself in his room, where he feels safer. He's still far from doing better.

Horrorswapfell Papyrus

Tiger doesn't have any huge injury like the other, except for the growth, but since the brothers got better access to food in the Ruins, it's not as bad as the others. He's pretty fine physically, and he's now scarier, which he actually likes a lot because he was tired of people considering him like a joke.

Mentally though? It's complicated. First of all, Tiger got badly mistreated during his army training. He doesn't stand people touching him, and any big movement next to him can be a death sentence. He also struggles even more with authority, and will put himself in danger if someone dares to do something he doesn't want to do, just out of spite. He is traumatized, and he doesn't trust anyone before a long, long, loooooong time.

Secondly, because he lived for years in lockdown with his brother, mostly silent, Tiger lost it a little because he couldn't stand getting bored anymore. After killing for fun all the little monsters in the Ruins, he started to hunt pretty much anything moving just so he could feel a little bit of excitement. Rats were his favorite, as they were challenging. The main problem with that is that his hunting instincts are still extremely developed, and sometimes when he's bored, he instinctively goes to hunt. Most of the time, it's Oak and Willow's chickens that end up in his claws, but he found it fun to extend his hunts to any intruder on the farm. He already attacked Wine, Honey, Rus or Coffee several times, but also random humans that got lost, which is a lot more problematic. He can't be unsupervised when he's outside.

He also has huge mood swings, a bit like a cat. He can be all playful one moment, but as soon as he gets too excited, it turns into aggression. He doesn't know how to control himself anymore, and it makes him a little distressed.

[tex-now]

New challenge. Watch Guilt Trip Of ML Season 4.

I did?? Like a while ago?? Did you not read the disclaimer orrrr

Also. In all seriousness. Guilt Trip also isn't done very well in terms of dealing with a character having a disability, with it being like "yeah, she doesn't NEED all this help even though she has a disability cause disabled people aren't fragile and helpless" which is a good message but it's not done well. And it also just makes Marinette look like more of an ass in retrospect because she was only willing to accommodate rose cause they're ~friends~ and rose is good so she can't be lying about her disability! Unlike that super liar Lila who is definitely lying >:( because she's evil >:( (and yes she was lying and the only reason why is so Marinette can have an excuse for her horrible behavior)

Also juleka tells rose's secret without her consent to the entire class (not cool) and rose is also a common archetype of a character who "has a disability but that won't stop me from living life to the fullest!" Except it's only brought up in this episode and never acknowledged again because MLB doesn't know how to write characters with disabilities.

Oh and also they do that stupid thing where they only really focus on how sad their poor loved one must be, having to worry about them all the time :( /s which is a very common and quite ignorant thing that always happens when writing disabled characters.

It's not a good episode. Like. At all. The only thing it does is make Marinette look like the worst type of ableist person and prove that the writers should not be allowed to touch this topic ever again.

I'll be honest I don't think it's marinette or juleka's fault that they do such fucked up things because it's obvious that the writers are trying to frame their actions in the right and act like what they're doing isn't fucked up.

The problem is the writing not the characters themselves. Their personalities get pushed and pulled in the direction that the plot needs to move forward. I know I sound like I think Marinette sucks but it's not her it's her writing. Does that make sense

Edit: Juleka actually only told Marinette and Adrien about rose, so she didn't tell the whole class, it was Marinette who had notified everyone of rose's condition, contrary to what i remembered. Apologies on my part

[edelgard-more-like-baedelgard]

it's really amusing to me how transfem mei is the most popular transfem hc in the honkai 3rd fandom when bronya is RIGHT THERE. silverwing n-ex was a mistake and terrible writing. they should have left allistic-passing bronya to bronya rand in star rail. but think about it. by the time part 1 ends she's probably around 18? maybe a bit older, maybe a bit younger (though I think when the game starts she was 16 so I don't think she would be any younger than 18, I don't remember exactly how much time passed) she has no breast growth, so if she were going to get any she would have gotten most of it by then unless she were on puberty blockers or some honkai-driven permanent equivalent for some reason (entirely possible given her background). for most of the story she really only ever smiled in the presence of seele (though by the end she's more comfortable around kiana and mei). flash forward so-and-so years. she's got some quite large breasts, she smiles tons, altogether seems way less depressed. maybe all she needed was some hrt. I'm not transfem myself so correct me if this is stupid but I am trans and while I socially transitioned years ago I'm sure I'd be much happier if I decide to get top surgery so that's kind of where I'm coming from

The popularity of transfem Mei outside the transfem part of the fandom is mired in transmisoginy unfortunately, and got a massive uptick when ER came out and people started reading Mei's depression as her being some sadistic dommy mommy and decided she was a great candidate for being a sex toy for the other girls (all cis ofc)

But as far as the transfem hcs themselves go, ngl I've never really thought abt Bronya as a character to seriously hc transfem like I did Mei and Kiana after going through the story, though thinking about it she does follow the same kind of beats that made me like headcannoning KiaMei as transfem. A girl pushed into the lowest of the low by society, forced to become/made to be a tool by those with power over her, Mei ostracized by everyone else once her use had run out, Kiana abandoned "for her own good", Bronya saved by Cocolia only to still be used as a tool by her for her Quantum project, and how she rises into her own, finds it in her to finally stand up to Cocolia to stay with those who truly care about her instead. The way Sin Mal attacks her for having found a stable relationship in Seele instead of being open for her abuse/attention. Ur right that there's a lot about Bronya that could also lead to a transfem reading. I don't think she's really a MORE fitting candidate for such a headcannon than Mei or Kiana is though, they all have things about their character that fit it really well.

Tbh never really considered it in terms of the changes Silverwing Bronya made because I also hate how Silverwing Bronya seems to be Mihoyo going "Look we fixed her disabilities :)" lmao Maybe Bronya has been the transfem top surgery rep we needed all along asdfgsdsghjsdksksks

But also I much prefer getting my transfem readings from the themes surrounding the character's story and such rather than thinking of it as an explanation for physical character decisions like Silverwing having top surgery. That struggle to find a place of acceptance and finding it in each other after society has rejected them (The entire reason t4t was made to originally mean transfem 4 transfem), Kiana helping Mei learn to take up space and exist and not shrink down to avoid conflict, Bronya standing up to her mother instead of continuing to lie down and take her mistreatment despite it making her lose her family at the orphanage and AE, etc. that kind of thing is what makes these kinds of headcannons compelling to me, since I really like coming to these conclusions through analysing canon.

At the same time I also still think the dynamic of t4t transfem KiaMei and their cis homophobic lesbian bestie Bronya is really funny

[lordelmelloi2]

My OCD is making me have this argument with myself... Ok. Because the point is that... Kiritsugu met Irisviel and Taught her everything she knows about the world but also groomed her into loving and supporting him. Yet Irisviel is also smart enough (probably, also, because of Kiritsugu if I'm going to be up front about it) to understand that Kiritsugu is an idiot about things. So in Fate Zero when Kiritsugu starts having other thoughts about running away and abandoning the grail war Irisviel says "You'd never forgive yourself" but we kind of know that Kiritsugu would've been making the right choice to abandon the grail war on an interpersonal level. I think the Fuyuki Catastrophe would've happened anyways because if I remember correctly it happened because the Greater Grail already had Angra Mainyu in it which fucked the entire thing up, so any activation of the grail after the 3rd war would've been catastrophic.

But anyhow like when Artoria meets Irisviel she's a grown ass woman. Like homunculus years are just straight up different from human years idk what to say. It's a part of the fantasy. Irisviel has like a daughter she's raising and a husband and can drive a car (im not saying she can do it WITHOUT ENDANGERING PEOPLE I'm saying she can do it. think about some of the drivers in your life LOL) and be independent like she is equipped at this point to be approaching the world as an adult & Kiritsugu explicitly tried to teach her how to do all of that. like for as much yes as it was a lot of emotional grooming he also Did teach her how to be independent and fend for herself in some ways. I think also maybe people don't recognize Irisviel as a disabled person even though it's like right there? as a concept? I sometimes think about how it could be construed that Irisviel is still immature and shouldn't be considered as an adult because she was sheltered but like. Many disabled adults go through similar things and we know Irisviel would effectively be considered the same way? I'm not even talking about the glaringly obvious body-shutting-down part in the later parts of the grail war Im talking about how she's new to the world and some adults don't gain independence and ability to explore until they're way into adulthood. it's not really all that uncommon.

But anyways like. To me its a little bizarre to not regard Irisviel as an adult. The narrative her emotional maturity and her understanding of the world as a whole is more Adult Mature Homunculus than it is Nine Year Old Human. Which. Is a pretty fucking substantial difference. And I enjoy SaberIri because I really feel like those dynamics of two adults forced into by birth and fate to play certain roles & both of them coming to terms with it as a part of their identity is really interesting. and yes I also obviously still like Diarturia 💕 and Bediartoria as well. I think Saber deserves THREE girlfriends. Or FIVE

Now the thing I was arguing with myself about... was basically why I dislike RinSaber and ShirouSaber. And it's always going to be bottom line that Nasu retconned Artoria's age twice as he was fleshing her character out, and to me, thats just... makes things skeevy. First it was she's 25. Now it's "She's 35". IF SHES 35 WHY IS SHE WITH TWO 17-18 YEAR OLDS 😭 its the same part of why I don't like waverrider fate zero because waver is 19 and iskandar is a whole 32 years old. and you just never see those age gaps unless the teen has literally no idea what's going on for a 32 yr old to be interested in them romantically. ARTORIA IS OLDER THAN FUCKING ISKANDAR IS ‼️‼️

But the thing too is that the narrative of Fate Stay Night is very dependent on Rin and Shirou being... well. High schoolers. Im 30 years old and have a life so let me fucking tell you it is baffling to me to see anyone treating a highschooler, 18 or not, as an emotional equal. I can't take RinSaber seriously I can't take ShirouSaber seriously and I don't care what Nasu writes, I don't believe Artoria's salvation in Avalon comes with meeting Shirou again there. I think it's a nice THOUGHT but I don't think it's the end all be all? I think it's reductive to her depth as a character and as a being. Like yes Fate is trying to make a point about Artoria's loss of innocence but she's. 35. She's 35. She isnt a 16 year old King and again I also understand that she was groomed into being a King but she isn't a 16 year old in the middle of being groomed by Merlin in fate stay night she's THIRTY FUCKING FIVE! SHE KNOWS TAX POLICIES AND INTERNATIONAL AFFAIRS! SHE KNOWS MILITARY MANAGEMENT! SHES THIRTY FIVE! NASU DID THIS TO HER BECAUSE HE WANTED TO WRITE HER AS A MORE FULLY FLESHED OUT CHARACTER 😭😭😭😭

So I can't look at the fate stay night ships and be like oh yeah They're the only ones who can understand her... BECAUSE TO ME THAT ALSO LOOKS LIKE GROOMING TEENAGERS 😭 BECAUSE ARTORIA IS 35 FUCKING YEARS OLDDDD!!!!!!!!

Anyways thats my thoughts of the day. Does anyone want to argue with me about this

[ladyhoneydarlinglove]

hey i read the dyslexic zoro fic you posted and really really liked it, did you end up making a more in depth post about the headcannon? I'd love to hear more about your take on it

i haven’t yet, i have a draft sitting in my google docs that i keep forgetting to post lol but since you asked i figure i might as well put it all here!

(before we begin, i just want to reiterate the disclaimer that i myself am not dyslexic, and that all of the info in this post is gathered either from speaking to my friend R or from internet research. i am by no means an expert on any of this, i’m just trying to apply what i do know to zoro because i think it’s a neat headcanon.)

so, as i mentioned in the author’s notes on the fic, dyslexia doesn’t just affect people’s reading ability; it can extend to a whole host of other issues stemming either from the dyslexia itself or a host of common co-morbidities. i’m not going to list them all here since there are many and the symptoms can vary from person to person, but here are the ones I think pertain best to Zoro.

his dogshit sense of direction

i know i already touched on this one in the author’s notes but i think it bears repeating since it’s the symptom that started this whole thing lol. people with dyslexia struggle with directions for multiple reasons, including difficulty differentiating between left and right, difficulty memorizing sequences or lists (think about how directions are often just a set of steps going from A to B), and issues with short term memory. R has described to me zoro levels of getting lost on many occasions, from things like ‘the road lanes shifted slightly due to construction and now i don’t recognize this street’ or ‘they removed something that i was using as a location marker and now i have no idea where the fuck i am’. just a few weeks ago she got lost cat sitting for me even though she’d been taking the same route to my apartment every day, and basically had to ride her bike around until she found a familiar landmark and could trace her way back home. if that isn’t peak zoro behavior, i don’t know what is.

his tendency to nap

tiredness is actually a common problem for people with dyslexia, largely due to the fact that they have to expend more energy doing day-to-day tasks since they’re having to constantly compensate for their disability, and that means a faster drain on their overall energy. i have seen R just start falling asleep with little to no warning because she’s hit a wall for the day, and she’s told me that any time she tries to push through and keep going when she’s already hit her limit, she winds up paying for it later, usually by having a day where she’s too tired to do much of anything. i know zoro’s napping has technically been confirmed by the SBS to be because he only gets three hours of solid sleep a night since he’s the unofficial night watchman, but i’m claiming it for this headcanon too because i think it fits really well.

the fact that he CAN do math

as i mentioned above, dyslexia often comes with a lot of co-morbidities, and two of the most common are dysgraphia (difficulty writing, specifically spelling and organizing thoughts on paper) and dyscalculia (difficulty processing numbers and mathematical concepts; this is more than just being ‘bad’ at math, it means struggling to the point where sometimes you can’t even do what’s considered basic addition). R has told me that it isn’t uncommon for someone with dyslexia to have two of the three; for example, she has dyslexia and dyscalculia but not dysgraphia, so on a good day when she isn’t experiencing too much difficulty with her dyslexia overall, she can write just fine. her brother on the other hand has dyslexia and dysgraphia so even on a good dyslexia day he struggles with writing, but he doesn’t have dyscalculia, and actually excelled at math right up until the point where he started having to learn geometry because proofs are, of course, writing based. so zoro being good at math (especially since the math we see him doing is stuff like basic multiplication) actually fits nicely into this as well.

memory issues and difficulty conveying information

there’s one moment in particular that i’m thinking of that relates to this, and it’s during the egghead arc when zoro and luffy fight s-hawk and s-bear with lucci and kaku and the other three berate zoro for not having noticed the seraphim’s resemblance to king sooner given how similar their physical characteristics are. there are two dyslexia symptoms that i think could explain this.

the first is issues with memory; dyslexia and memory have a lot of interplay, and people with dyslexia tend to have issues with short term information storage and recall (trouble memorizing sequences for example, as mentioned above). R has said that her issues with memory tend to get worse the more stressed out/overworked she is, and given how much stress zoro would have been under during his fight with king, i don’t think it’s unreasonable to say that his working memory (i.e. his ability to retain and apply new information) was probably not operating at peak capacity. so to me it kind of makes sense that he wouldn’t have been able to put two and two together right away in regards to the seraphim looking like king, especially since he’s also under a lot of stress during that fight and it probably wasn’t the first thing on his mind.

the second is information relay. in VERY simple terms, dyslexia affects the brain’s ability to process any language based skills, including speech. i’ve seen this manifest a few different ways with R, including getting terms mixed up with their opposite meanings (like saying over-the-counter drugs when she meant prescription), subbing in different words than what she intended to say (which makes it seem like she’s making completely incongruous statements to whatever the subject at hand is), and even just flat out not being able to voice her thoughts coherently because her brain can’t process the information she wants to relay correctly. so even if zoro DID recognize the seraphim’s resemblance to king sooner, he may not have been able to voice it properly, especially since (as previously said) he was in the middle of a high stress situation, and so his brain’s processing capacity was likely limited. there are also other examples of zoro’s info relay not being great scattered throughout the canon material, which brings me to my final point—

the perception (both in canon and in fanon) that zoro is dumb

it is a very unfortunate reality of the world that even in today’s day and age, people with learning disabilities are often treated as less intelligent than their non-disabled peers, simply because they seem to struggle with things the non-disabled people take for granted. if you ever want a little taste of how many things a dyslexic person might struggle with on a day-to-day basis, just try keeping a tally of how often you read something throughout the day; i guarantee it’s a LOT more than you think. R is easily one of the smartest people i know, but she’s been fighting against negative perceptions of her intelligence all her life and has some absolute horror stories to share about how she was treated when she was young, even by adults that were supposed to be helping her.

i’ve already spoken before about how there’s a tendency among fans to depict zoro as a ‘sword thoughts only otherwise head empty’ himbo despite canon clearly showing otherwise, which obviously pisses me off; but even the canon has moments where people tend to assume zoro is an idiot (like the seraphim moment mentioned above), and he’s probably the crew member whose general intelligence gets insulted the most after luffy (who btw i also fully don’t believe is actually dumb, he clearly just has rampant ADHD). i know this is largely for comedic effect, but it does happen and i think the perception of zoro as dumb because he struggles in ways other people don’t understand fits pretty well with all of that. and like obviously i don’t think any of the straw hats would be intentionally cruel towards zoro because of his dyslexia, but as seen in the fic, i also don’t know that it would occur to zoro to tell them he has dyslexia since he’s been dealing with those prejudices all his life and has decided that the best way to deal with them is to just ignore it.

so there you have it!

[daydream-defender]

I had a discussion with some people on Discord about a week ago about children's autonomy and honestly I'm really proud of myself for handling it well and responding rationally pretty much the whole way through - since I've had so many cases of getting triggered by other people's bigoted declarations regarding youth and subsequently fumbling the conversation - but the ways I could've done better still bother me. So I guess I'm gonna talk about it here.

Basically, it was started by discussing a character in fandom, as such things often are. I argued that this character - who is the mother of the protagonist - had no real right to do the magical fantasy BS she did to the protagonist, even if it did give him another chance at life; I likened it to making a decision for someone who's comatose. This, of course, brought us into the argument of "is it okay to hurt someone if it's good for them in the long term?" which is of course, something that comes up in youth rights discussions a lot. I came up with an example: a child has a dental condition for which braces are suggested to fix or prevent pain or quality of life issues. However, the child does not want to have braces. Are their parents in the right to force them to get braces? I and another person discussed this reasonably, and they agreed that the parents did not have the right to force the child to get braces, while pointing out that it wasn't a binary issue and the parents and child should ideally discuss it, to which I agreed. However, other people interjected with the belief that it was the parents' right to force their child to get braces. I responded (perhaps a bit pettily) that I'm sure my parents thought they were doing what was best for me when they forced me to go to a therapeutic day school in which I was horribly abused, constantly dehumanized, and ended up so deeply traumatized I rarely leave the house and never finished high school or had a paying job at 21 years old but it was still very definitely bad for me and if they hadn't forced me to go I'd be in a better place, and all they had to say was... "This is a case of them failing to meet your needs. The same way not getting medically important braces is failing to meet a child's needs."

And like

This isn't a bad person I'm talking about. I hesitate to consider them a friend, but they're a large presence in the communities I frequent, usually pretty responsible, and just recently ran a community fundraiser in which people donated to a queer children's camp in exchange for three particular fanfic authors to write prompts that they hated (and had agreed to beforehand). This is someone that, by all intents and purposes, should be a responsible community leader.

So I was utterly floored that they just... talked over me about my trauma like that. Literally re-explaining my trauma to me.

It's absolutely insane to me. Do these people not ever doubt their own convictions? Do they never seriously consider that they might be the ones in the wrong? Are they just willing to do whatever to stand by their beliefs? I could never imagine being like that. I doubt myself constantly. I'm always looking to challenge my own conceptions, to keep growing and learning and coming to my own conclusions rather than what other people tell me. I can't imagine how anyone who doesn't do that could feel like a responsible activist.

Anyway, back to youth rights stuff. One of the things these people kept saying was that children are usually not "rational actors", and I'm like. Do you guys think adults are usually rational actors? Because they're not! We're humans, and we're creatures of emotion! Nothing we do is 100% logical! Sure, there's a different degree of how much someone can reason. But as a disabled adult, I'm still infantilized because I can't provide for myself. Is that okay? No! And I'd be willing to bet the people I was arguing with would agree with that!

But when it comes to children, it's different. Suddenly their agency doesn't matter. Suddenly it's all "yeah, you should reason with children when you can, but the adult has to have the last say."

And I'm just like

No one should have the last say over a person's body besides that person, themself. No matter how young they are, no matter how old they are, no matter if they can provide for themselves, no matter what. If you can accept that an 80+ year old can be dependent and need a caretaker and need someone to help them cross the street or buy groceries or wipe their bottom but still deserves agency and dignity in their own body... why can't you accept that for children?

[movedtonewblogcheckpinnedpost]

Just finished Part I of The Vampire Lestat and here are my first impressions (I skipped IWTV *for now* since the show has already covered it... I'll read it eventually):

I can't tell yet if I like it or not.

So far, I enjoy the concept and the characters seem to be compelling. In terms of eventfulness, there hasn't been much, but I do have some interest in these people. They all appear to be complicated and have a lot of baggage, which I guess makes them appealing and gives the story potential. Let's see where this goes.

I don't hate, but I also don't love Anne's writing style. I don't think she narrates and describes things very well, she lingers on stuff I don't care that much for and doesn't provide details on things I'm actually curious about? There are some abrupt changes that annoy me sometimes as well.

I do believe this might be an attempt to get ourselves in the mind of Lestat and how he process to the world around him, though? It would make sense considering how chaotic he is.

Another thing I like is how he got so obsessed with the 20th Century, music and theater. The descriptions really give me the idea of someone experiencing the world for the first time (in a while) and considering how isolated he was growing up or after everything that happened with Louis/Claudia, it makes sense that he is so fascinated by all these discoveries. And it's really immersive and sweet to see how he in awe he is with all of it.

He also speaks like he is somebody born in the 1700s. So I give her credits for that as well.

Pretty sure Lestat is neurodivergent at this point (ADHD is basically a yes from me, maybe he has dyslexia and/or autism too).

And his memory is trash. So often he doesn't know if he actually did something, or if it were someone else, or if it was just a thought... I'm like, ARE YOU OKAY (he isn't)? By the way, this is painfully relatable because I also have poor short (and long-term) memory. Heaven help him (and moi).

That boy is a water sign if I've ever seen one.

He cries A LOT. I don't remember ever seeing any (book/show/movie) character cry that much, specially in such a short time lol. And the fact this is coming from a man and not a woman... There you go with defying gender norms, king!

Lestat having Borderline Personality Disorder isn't even a headcanon at this point, but a FACT.

He probably hasn't been hugged enough times in his life and it SHOWS.

Even with the abuse in his family, his frustration with his mother and the "malady of mortality", he manages to stay optimistic in a way that feels so childlike and naive that makes my heart warm and ache for him. I'm like, you deserve better.

Again, I don't know if I'm enjoying or not, but I do like the fact I can imagine Sam's Lestat doing all of this on season 3. Picturing Sam bringing these moments to life is the BEST PART of the reading.

Would I still read these books if the show never existed? That's what I need to find out.

I can see why some people got so invested in this character, though. At least for now. Some stuff hit close to home and I find myself rooting for him. I imagine that for the ones who read it at as a teenager, it must've made them feel less alone and seen to some extent.

At this moment, it's Lestat > Gabrielle > Nicholas for me.

Lestat's father isn't a person I care about, but depending on how the show adapts him, I guess it could be a good opportunity for a blind actor. It would be killing two birds with one stone, because it would develop Lestat's backstory, but also give space for a category that barely gets any job in the industry. I would love to see a powerful guest star that is a an actual disabled person playing a disabled character. Sure, we would hate him, but if someone manages to show their potential, book more roles and maybe even earn an award or nomination, why not?

Whenever Lestat talks about kissing his mother I get confused if the incest is already happening or not lol. Because I normally would just imagine a platonic kiss on the cheek or forehead and I haven't seen anything explicitly inappropriate. I don't know if it's because I'm reading the Brazilian Portuguese version, or if Anne wasn't that clear, or maybe I'm slow and naive, but nothing big seems to have happened? But I'm familiar with those spoilers, so... Anyway, whatever. It's not like I was counting the days to read about incest, so I don't really care about it being evident or not. I just mean that for now they seem to be more of a "parent that didn't want kids, but cares for him in a distant, but still real way and child that seeks for any crumbs of love and affection" kind of relationship.

Speaking of that, Lestat is SO DESPERATE for love, omg. Nicki was basically the first person besides his mother that was nice to him and he told the guy ALL OF HIS LIFE STORY AND FELL IN LOVE almost immediately? Get up!

Peak BPD/ADHD/maybe autistic/water sign/Scorpio behavior. MY GOD.

Still don't know how to picture Gabrielle and who I fancast playing her. I do think I have some sense of who she is now, which is nice. I also have some actors that could pass for Sam's parent and have the appropriate age to play her in my mental library, but I can't form a face yet. Not the face of a real actress or even an imaginary face, it's just a blur so far. Which sucks because I loooooooooove imagining fancasts, specially for a show as great as this one, but I'm just waiting for the revelation to come to me lmao.

[mohgreal]

how my elden ring modern au i have in my head looks like:

Miquella - I thought of him in a modern setting first, only instead of being just Miq in a modern setting, he's like my other au of Miquella, (deathblight Miquella/corrupted Miquella) in a modern setting. Basically, he used to be like the goodie "i love everyone!!!" but then like...got traumatized. and now hes like that. Well actually he's the exact same nice boy but protective and mean on mondays. I really haven't thought about him in a bit so my memory on how i thought about this is foggy af. and yes he is a adult, around 20

Malenia - Kind of a meme slighty in terms of personality, i watched too much elden ring abridged what can i say. Just plays sports with Loretta & Finlay, and instead of scarlet rot she is just disabled. Which, is probably common sense but still. Works for some pizza place or dosen't work at all, again, didn't really think about it

Mohg - This sounds funny when i write it down, but he owns a cartel instead of a cult. yes you may laugh. A mexican cartel to be exact, and all the Mohgwyn followers work for him. Haven't thought about the cartel too much in depth either....also has my bleed character tarnished work 4 him since why not. also thought about making my bleed tarnished his (adopted) son so he can be relevant to the plot, but honestly no one cares about tarnished modern au or not so whatever

Morgott - Haven't thought him too much, but i imagine he'd be like a priest or some sort of hardcore christian (not slandering.) just does whatever old men do thesedays.

Rennala - Teacher. teaches about books or something, again, didn't think the details out very much whoops. Divorced from Radagon for plot reasons, but her children don't live with her either (also for plot reasons) mostly just sadly reads books and gives her students good grades. would study for

Rykard - I imagine he'd be like a criminal of sorts too, but idk what kind. Would keep it hidden very well though. would live w/ Tanith and Rya because funni famileeee guy. Has dyed red hair because it makes him look cool/i said so. Is also very overdramatic despite owning like 3 snakes (each have names)

Radahn - sports guy & horse girl. mostly plays sports (sometimes with Malenia too) and reads horse facts on google dot com

Radagon - Miserably lives with Marika in a arranged marriage for religous reasons (golden order is like a religon if u think abt it). mostly just works and will post "i miss my wife and 3 kids" on facebook

did not think the rest too much through because my head is disorganised as hell. this is just my take on a modern au so don't overthink it chat

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Last Twilight - final thoughts

Well, this isn't a fraught topic at all today, lol.

Normally I wait a bit longer before writing about my final thoughts, but I have a lot spinning in my mind right now and want to get it out.

Disclaimer - this is just my subjective opinion. I cannot speak to having a disability like Day or a trauma like Mhok.

To start, overall I greatly enjoyed this show. The acting was fantastic, the story was compelling, the romance was romancing. I do have some mixed feelings about the last few episodes. I know some people liked it! I know some people feel very let down. But I hope we can all use this as a chance for respectful discussion.

Disability representation and how we talk about it

One thing I do think it is important to remember, is that the disability experience is extremely different for different people. And there are a number of people with disabilities who are working on recovery, or looking into options for reducing the impact of their disability. This can be a very controversial thing. One example is the Deaf community, and the very different perspectives on things like cochlear implants.

As we talk about Last Twilight, of course people can disagree with how the story went, or the timing of events. But I would caution people from saying that Day's experience as a blind man is meaningless, or that the story was pointless, because he regained his sight in the end. Because that can be a very invalidating thing for people who have been through similar experiences.

To me? It honestly felt realistic for Day to get another donation. He's wealthy and privileged. He also had gained a sense of contentment while still blind, and knew he could live a good life that way. And I think all of his past experiences still mattered, because it was part of his journey to being who he was at the end.

Do I also want more representation of people with disabilities, in all ways, shapes, and forms, living amazing lives and kicking ass? Hell yeah!

Day's mother

I've written a bit about my feelings on Day's mom before, so I'm not going to go in depth. I did see some people saying this was about culture, and that she was acting in accordance to how a lot of parents would in her situation, who are a part of that culture. I don't disagree with that. My issue is that she started at point A, she was suddenly at point B, and we saw nothing of how she got from A to B.

I do think, in terms of disability representation, showing more of her journey in accepting Day's autonomy would have been worthwhile.

Day & Mhok's relationship

This is where I have more of a struggle with this show. To be clear, I don't think Day is a villain, and I understand how terrified he was of being seen as lesser by the person he loved. I don't even have an issue with a breakup, just some of the aspects of it.

A lot of what happened felt rushed for these past two episodes. I may have felt better about it if there was more space to dip into nuance. Considering how the time was spent in earlier episodes, this was so fast paced.

I mostly have an issue with Mhok being treated as 100% responsible for their break up - and for him apologizing and thanking Day for doing it.

I used to actually professionally train people in Conflict Navigation, and I've spent a lot of time with people on some of the key components when successfully dealing with conflict.

Btw, we deliberately didn't call it Conflict Resolution, because a lot of conflicts don't get resolved. And that's ok! It's learning how to work within them, if you want to maintain a relationship.

But a really important part of resolution is that both parties need to understand the role they played in what happened. It's not fun or comfortable, but it's an essential piece to moving through it.

And I get that Day & Mhok were both young, so not having the best approach to conflict at that time makes sense. Day being impulsive makes sense. (Though I maintain that scene should have had a few more minutes to it).

But when they are back in the same space, (after Day blocking Mhok's contact for 3 years, yikes?), when they have both grown and matured, and yet Mhok takes all the blame for what happened back then - to me, this reads as the setup of a relationship where Day will get mad, and Mhok will continue to take full responsibility to keep things smooth.

And honestly, it again feels infantalizing of Day to say that because he is the one with the disability, he was the one who was 100% correct in everything that he did. If he is going to be treated as a fully independent autonomous person, that means accepting the role he played in what happened. His perspective was valid, he still has to own his piece of their relationship falling apart, and him doing nothing to address it in any other kind of way before going straight to breaking up.

Again, not saying Day was wrong. I'm saying for a healthy future relationship, he needs to own his part in things, and not just agree that Mhok was the problem.

Privilege and status

My final quibble is that the early episodes did such a good job of showing how Mhok and Day were both in disadvantaged situations - of very different kinds, but it was a connector between them. Mhok was struggling due to his status as someone from a poor background, and his status as an ex-con. The way he and his sister fought to make ends meet after the parents passing away, and then the trauma of his experience of losing his sister. The struggle to find work, to be seen as worthy, as someone who is still a part of society regardless of having been to prison.

But this all slipped away through the story, until at the end the only thing that mattered was Day and his journey. Which was important! But Mhok had his own journey, and it matters. His trauma was significant, and it deserved more than being treated as an excuse for Day to leave him.

Final final thoughts

Oof, ok, needed to get that out! I think a big part of why I disliked Mhok being fully blamed is that I just love the guy so damn much. If only men like that really existed, lol.

But what incredible acting by Sea & Jimmy, they worked so hard. I adored Night & Porjai as side characters, and now very much want a one shot spinoff of their honeymoon, where they stumble on to a secret spy meetup and shenanigans ensue.

P'Aof is a very talented director, and there were some great visuals in this show. I've never seen such erotic hand touching in my life.

Well, at least it never gets boring in BL land!

[cripplecharacters]

Hi! I’m writing a story about a lady with Down Syndrome. I was wondering if you knew where I can find any resources about Down Syndrome made by people who actually have it, or any organisations that would be good to follow. Any resources made by people with intellectual disability would be really helpful as well.

I read your post about this and it was really helpful so thank you, I’m going to use it as a starting point for my research.

If you’d like some context about the story she’s literally a lady in the 1920s who’s trying to get control of her family’s estate from her brother. Shes underestimated for her disabilities and for being a women but I’m trying to not focus so much on the discrimination and work more on giving her an interesting mystery to solve with the detective she hired. I’d like it to be a bit lighthearted. Anyway, as she’s a main character I really wanted to make sure I wrote her well. Thanks!

Hey!

There aren't many resources out there unfortunately, but there is a page on the UK Down Syndrome's Association's website where members with DS share their opinions on representation in TV and film. You can read it here. For info on intellectual disability in general the best I can do is link some of my previous posts on it - there's close to nothing that's actually made by us unfortunately, everything that I was able to find is always made by someone who knows a person with ID at best. To be clear, not all of it is bad - I thought this interview (TW for abuse that happens in the movie's plot) about a movie starring actors with DS was pretty good - but it's still a sign that we aren't getting enough #OwnVoices representation. It's slowly changing though.

To learn more about DS I would probably recommend NDSS, it's one of the very few orgs that have people with Down Syndrome as board and team members (should be the bare minimum, but it unfortunately isn't). There's also information on things like preferred language and myths that often show up around Down Syndrome.

I'm not great with history, but in the 1920s she would be a subject to a lot more than just discrimination. Eugenics and institutionalization would definitely be present. Not sure what route you'll take there, but basically all the words around that time that she would be described with are currently considered slurs or pejoratives. The racist term for a person with Down Syndrome was officially used into the 60s, and the ableist one is still used legally in 2024. But if you want to skip past that, I think that's more than fine. You don't always have to aim for 100% historical accuracy, just be aware of the real history.

A detective story sounds very exciting. If you decide to publish it on Tumblr or other online site feel free to send me an ask with a link, I'd love to read it.

Thank you for the ask,

mod Sasza

I’m just popping in as a history fan for a couple bits of history notes — but again, like Sasza said, you don’t have to be 100% historically accurate if you don’t want to and if you don’t feel it’s necessary.

So, especially in the first half of the 1900s, a large part of disabled children, including children with Down Syndrome, were institutionalized very early in their life. Around this time the push that immorality caused disability was strong, and people were often convinced by doctors and professionals that the children’s needs would always be too much for them. Eugenicism was sort of reaching a peak around this time, as well—I would say it was at its most intense in the period of 1900-1940s.

Not all parents institutionalized their children, though. There was pressure to do so, but that doesn’t mean everyone fell victim to it. There wasn’t really any official support for parents who did this, and there weren’t official organizations for Down Syndrome. From my research, the current large DS organizations seem to have popped up in the 60s.

The term ‘Down Syndrome’ wasn’t in popular use until the 70s, and it wasn’t known that it’s caused by an extra chromosome until 1959.

Life expectancy in 1900-1920 for people born with Down Syndrome was 9 years old. Some of this could absolutely have been due to conditions in institutions, but likely even more relevant is that about 50% of people with DS are born with heart defects (also known as congenital heart disease) that can be fatal if not treated with surgery. Heart surgery wasn’t really feasible until the late 30s and early 40s. Another risk factor is a higher risk for infection, which isn’t easy to manage in a world that doesn’t yet have antibiotics.

I actually wanted to find pictures of adults with Down Syndrome pre-1940ish, though, to see real tangible evidence of adults being part of a community. First I found just one picture of a baby in 1925 on this Minnesota government website. But then I found a collection someone made of photos of both children and young adults, but they are not specifically dated. The first baby picture is from the 30s according to the poster!

Judging by the clothes I see people wearing in these photos, photo #4 (man with Down Syndrome in a suit next to a woman) seems to be from the 20s and photo #13 (young woman with Down Syndrome and very long hair) seems to be from about the 1910s. #18 (large family with a lot of sons, including one boy with Down Syndrome) could be from the 30s. Those three are the oldest people with DS in the photos, and they seem like young adults. A lot of these pictures show a community and aren’t just isolated kids, which I find nice.

It’s hard to find specific historical record of people with Down Syndrome from that period of time, but I wanted to show photos of real people in their communities to show, hey look! They were there, too!

Either way, I love detective stories and historical fiction and I’m glad you’re writing a story and that you care about your character’s portrayal but I totally know the feeling of that tricky balance between historical accuracy and modern acknowledgement that we should have been doing better.

— Mod Sparrow

[sylphofspaceyuri]

Re: your post on writing an intersex character. I wanna start off by saying that "intersex" is not a subset of "nonbinary", and in fact has nothing to do with gender at all. "Intersex" means "has sexual characteristics that don't quite fit in the male/female dichotomy" (so for exemple, "having a lot of body hair" would be a common intersex trait. It's called hirsutism btw look it up.) Intersex people can be trans, can be cis, can be non binary, can be gnc, just bear in mind that "being intersex" doesn't imply any of the above necesarily.

(Sorry if you already knew about that part, but "intersex = nb" is a VERY pervasive misconceptions especially in queer spaces, so anytime someone asks for info on intersex people I need to start with the big disclaimer of "INTERSEX IS NOT A GENDER THING, YOU CAN GIVE YOUR CHARACTER GENDER IF YOU WANT BUT KNOW THAT IT'S NOT LINKED TO BEING INTERSEX")

Anyways. Being intersex can manifests itself in a variety of ways, including but not limited to: genitals, gonads, chromosomes, hormones, secondary sexual characteristics, and probably a bunch of others I forgot about. If your character is intersex, this is gonna have an impact on their appearance, and possibly their health (since plenty of intersex conditions are disabling.) My advice is to either look up one specific condition (like Swyer syndrome) and then look at all the ways it would impact your character, or look at whatever traits you wanna give your character (like hirsutism as mentioned above), and look up whatever intersex condition could lead to that to reverse engineer how being intersex would impact your oc. If the variation you end up picking for your character is disabling, then you might have to mention whatever treatment she's undergoing to aleviate the symptoms (ie intersex people with hormonal imbalance REALLY need their T and/or E.)

(Also, sorry again if you're already informed, but again it's a common misconception so I gotta say it: there is no such a thing as having "both functional equipments." Futanaris aren't real. Genital intersex variations are usually more along the lines of "having a huge clit" "having a micropenis" "having a very shallow vagina" and the likes. And as I said prior, there are plenty of intersex variations that don't affect the junk at all.)

I don't know the setting you're writing, but if it's our modern world or something similar, then growing up in a society that enforces the sex binary is gonna have a huge impact on your character too. IRL, there is a LOT of medical malpractice related to "fixing" intersex children (either as infant, or when puberty kicks in "wrong"). It's also very common for intersex people to not know fully what's up with their body, because hospitals tend to straight up lie on your medical file about the fact that they did cosmetic surgery on your junk. If medical malpractice doesn't apply to your character, there might still be some issues with "puberty hit and everyone is growing differently than me what's up with that" "none of the biology books look even remotely like me that's weird" at best and "everyone insists my body is wrong for some reason and they're trying to force me back into a binary I do not understand" at worst.

Hope that helped! I highly recommend you look up your local intersex activist group, these usually have extensive FAQs on what intersex means, what are the intersex fighting subjects, common intersex experiences, ect.

Hi yes this is very helpful!

I do know a fair few of these things so I'm better off saying what I did not know and other information

-I did not know many of the actual terms like hirsutism and swyer syndrome

-In regards to setting, it's a post revolution sci fi world where things are A Lot Better so she is treated well socially, though the environment she is in is not a good one so I think that will create some deep insecurity and internalized issues with some of the more disabling factors of being intersex. Namely, the criminal faction she is in is extremist in nature and deeply ableist due to their mentality surrounding physical and mental strength, I imagine her treatment there would be "you can be intersex but only if it doesn't impair your capabilities in combat" which she may be deeply insecure about

-I VERY much appreciate you citing that activist thing, I will definitely use that it sounds incredibly helpful

-The intersex ≠ trans, cis, etc thing is quite helpful too! It helps me figure the proper terms for her, I think cisgender applies to her as she's very comfortable with her sex given that she's lived with it into her late 30s at the current timeline

-The other experiences cited like "puberty hit and everyone else is growing up differently" may be very helpful when fleshing out her childhood, which I need to do more of anyway

And no need to apologize for mentioning the misconceptions and such! I understand, while I do know about those things I appreciate the detail and attentiveness

[kustas]

dagda and olruggio for the aak game!

My first impression

Dagda: I actually don't remember! I don't think I paid much attention to him at first. He's very much an npc with little personality in the first chapters he appears in

Olruggio: hello handsome followed by woah. Here comes a true hater

My impression now

Dagda: very underrated character, I really like him but I'm not sure if at this point it's the character or my interpretation of him I like most! I used to have a lot of headcanons about his past who all got disproven by the story but I still think a lot about what he'd have been up to before plot beats, and what he's like as a person.

Olruggio: I'm fond of him! Goofy and endearing, really good foil to Qifrey, and nice with the girls....:) he's also a very relatable character to me, in many ways! And his design goes extremely hard

Favorite thing about that character

Dagda: how he views his relationship with his son. It's tragic but loving at once, that he sees him as his biggest triumph and the only worthwhile thing he's done in his life. If only you knew how highly your little guy thinks of you...

Olruggio: as mentioned before I share a lot of his personality traits and it's relaxing to me to see him portrayed as sympathetic for it. I also really like his place in the story, as someone with good contacts in witch society and legal obligations, his position as the Eye brings both tension to the story and real nice hints of world building elements

Least favorite thing

Dagda: hard to tell because he doesn't have a lot of screentime tbh. I wish he did not get murked because it feels distasteful to give Custas this much trouble when he's already struggling enough. But that's not really about Dagda isn't it

Olruggio: how he's reduced to blushy tsundere for fandom tropes' sake. He is those things but he is more than that

Favorite line/scene

Dagda: Either the monologue where he talks about Cus being the only good deed he's done, or the short flashback where he's spared by the musicians after accepting they were going to kill him

Olruggio: I struggled to pick, but I'm gonna say, the moment he finds the disabled kid in the street. It's such a good scene in terms of drama and in relation to the wider themes of the series

Favorite interaction that character has with another

Dagda: When he replies to his boy begging him to abandon him with a silent hug and wet puppy eyes

Olruggio: Previously mentioned scene with the lil kid, how he snaps at Agott during the river rescue mission, his tense little staircase moment with Utowin

A character that I wish that character would interact with more

Dagda: of the ones he's interacted with previously : Lulucy, Olruggio, Coco. His interactions with adult witches are interesting because of the balance of power. I could write an essay about his relationship with Lulucy just based on that alone! With Oru, it's because I believe they have a lot in common and could actually get along well. With Coco, I find endearing how gentle it is to her, and given she mostly knows him as a father and her own dad died when she was very young, it might be cool to see how that goes.

Of the ones he has not interacted with previously, I am begging mentally for him to spend a significant amount of time with one of the Wise Three, the king, or both - to contrast between the leaders of their respective societies, and a guy who is the lowest of the low in said societies. Also I really want a world where he hangs out with the atelier girlies and they get to bother him

Olruggio: of the characters he's interacted with: all the girlies...especially Riche and Agott. He's less...overtly affectionate? Than Qifrey, more frank and snappy but it feels like they like him for that. Dagda as previously mentioned. Beldaruit bc their interactions were rly funny lol

Of the characters he's not interacted with yet: Lagler, because they're both witches who work with unknowings with strong moral compasses. Ininia, because I want to see him react to a kid who's unapologetically in his opposing faction. Atwert, because given that guy's current situation and his own empathy it would bring up lots of interesting elements I feel

Another character from another fandom that reminds me of that character

Dagda: they have nothing in common personality wise but lots of contextual parallels with a character I adored as a kid, Dustfingers

Olruggio: as previously established, Me from Real Life (jk. I couldn't find a good one for him)

A headcanon about that character

Dagda: I think he's a very meek and submissive man who's seen a lot of shit but has never tried to fight against it properly. Haven't decided yet if it's because he's a pessimist or just doesn't care. Also I think he's not very clever

Olruggio: That one's basically confirmed but I like to imagine he gets wooed a lot even by unknowings, and absolutely hates it LOL

A song that reminds of that character

Dagda: Corvus Corax - La i Mbealtaine. It's my voice claim for him, and given he's named after a Celtic god and he's a minstrel, a gaelic song made from a medieval poem feels fitting

Olruggio: can't think of one ;_;

An unpopular opinion about that character

Dagda: nobody ever talks about this bloke lol there are no popular opinions. I'm the only one. Hello. Hi

Olruggio: I'm not denying there's something kinda gay in the air in that Atelier but the fandom's accepted romantic pairing of him and Qifrey feels completely OOC. It would not be a nice sweet relationship, Qifrey is a sneaky elusive man with deep rooted trust issues and Oru strongly corrects him. I think they have deep affection for each other that manifests in commitment and boundaries but that their actual communication is entraves by both their personalities and that in their current state at least they would never enter a traditional relationship

Favorite picture

Dagda: this panel bc it's closets to how I draw him/imagine his face! He's got some cute panels too tho

Olruggio: yes it's not in the manga but man. Unmatched swag and the details are so sweet. U know crumbs fly off when he sits up. I could NOT find the full pic but you need to know he's wearing fuckass flipflops with this fit

[purple-ant]

I picked these fruits for you!!! 🍉🍊🍋

🍉 - Do you prefer to write short fics or long fics? Multichaptered works or single ones? Why?

I really feel better writing short fics because most of the time I have this one image/vibe that I really want to bring to life. But it doesn’t feel right sometimes, like I should give people more context/feelings/describe stuff which looks obvious to me but not for the reader- and suddenly I’m tired of writing -_-

I have a lot of ideas for multichapter works some of them even started but let’s say by now i started posting about six fics that were supposed to be big and only one of them is finished (Beat, Resonance, Unison), two are frozen and the rest haven't moved past the first chapter. I'm really worried about I Pray My Mind be Good to Me but it’s going pretty good, much better than I expected

So in the end short fics >>> long fics

🍊 - Who’s a character you don’t write for that often, but keep meaning to write for more? (They’re so interesting! But maybe you have trouble pinning them down, or keep getting distracted by another blorbo...)

Right now I think a LOT about Serenno royal family and not only Jenza (it is so fun to write her pov but it’s also a hard time for her :c poor girl doesn’t understand that ALL men in her family are bastards).

We don’t know much about Anya but the tiny pieces that the Cursed Book gives us are so tasty: she cares about the Funeral Moon and she is kinda cold with her kids and still - I think she is the one who called the Jedi for Dooku; she probably never loved Gora and it looks like women don’t have much power on Serenno-

And Ramil!! The first son, heir to the throne, he rebels against his father, finds sponsors and connections (including some very bad people) through his own efforts to become a pod-racer. And he’s good at it!! What was that about human inability not to win but even survive a podrace?? And how it feels when your only sister thinks that some sorcerer on Coruscant is a better brother than you? and THEN he becomes disabled because of his own actions and his father dies (did he kill Gora???) and he becomes a count and-

I want to study this family under a microscope

🍋 - What’s your favorite spicier trope to write?

Jess- JESS!!! ughhh you read so much of my unpublished porn and that's how you pay?? I can’t really say what is my favorite because how I understand the smut is more about feelings than tropes for me. Like if I catch the dynamic and feelings between characters, I can take myself and the reader into mostly anything (few tropes are too much even for me)

But in the end, I think it would be bondage and serving top (if this is the right term)

Something about the trust and giving the control to another person where the bottom can relax and not worry about anything. And the second thing is well, it’s something about serving, about the character giving their all just to make their loved one feel good without thinking about their own finish, pleasure not from their own stimulation but from simply seeing their partner enjoying and melting in their arms.