#but in practice it made it a bit hard to actually see the non-Taylor stuff

[windowsandfeelings]

Songbook Trail at the V&A

[whynotwinnie]

Tímida: Roger Taylor x OC series

sorry guys i’ve been m.i.a. with second semester starting i’ve been stressing with class and all that but i had this chapter for awhile now and i decided to finish it. also i’m trying to work on “wounded” the kylo ren series but i fell into a bit of a writers block for that one. .-. i’ll work on it soon. but here is this roger taylor fic you can use ben hardy’s version of roger if you would like. :) thanks for reading.

 MICKEY

Waking up groggy you checked your alarm clock, 12:00 in the afternoon you have definitely seen worse you groaned as you got up from your bed. 

You had always followed a very specific routine in all honestly it just made sense living on your own had definitely impacted you and your mental health so sticking to a routine made it feel like your life was always on track, when it certainly was not. 

The first thing on your non-existent schedule was coffee, no matter the time you always needed some sort of caffeine when you are tight on cash it was tea at home, but when you were able and that was most of the time you went to a small coffee shop that was about a fifteen-minute walk from your studio apartment. 

After doing the basic self-hygiene you grabbed your tote bag filled with your work stuff and started walking to the directions to Beachwood Cafe.

The walk is always quiet and calm, but it always gave you little bits and pieces into other people’s lives. Like the old lady watering her plants or the way, the housewife takes her toddler for a walk in his stroller. The sense of familiarity comforted you. 

“Hello there.” 

You whipped your head toward the direction of the voice, this was not part of the routine you had never seen this man before, his shoulder-length blonde hair and ridiculously blue eyes were unfamiliar yet comforting. He was confident yet nonchalant with his greeting.

“Hello,” you said with a small smile he looked down at you smiling.

You continued to walk seeing Beachwood in the distance.

“Were you going to get a cuppa?” you nodded your head “That is so crazy because so was I.” he picked up his pace so he can open the door for you. 

You muttered a small thank you and walked in, Beachwood was a small but very popular coffeeshop the owner Dayla has became a very good friend of yours and always brightened up your day with a joke or two.

“Mimi, how are you love?” she asked from behind the counter.

“I’m good Day how are you?”

“Can’t complain if I say so myself.” she said grinning “Let me guess Caffe Latte and a pastry?”

“Yes ma’am, it’s late in the day you didn’t run out of the pastries yet?”

“I just took out a fresh batch right now, I knew you were going to have a late start today.”  God, you loved this woman.

You stepped aside to get your wallet from your bag 

“What would you like young man?” Dayla asked the man who walked in with you.

“I’ll just get a cup of tea please, Oh! I’ll get her order as well” he said as he saw you handing money to Dayla.

“That’s okay!” you said feeling the heat rise to your cheeks.

“Please I insist.” He said practically throwing the money to pay for your order at Dayla.

“Please let me-”

“Mimi! he said he insists go sit down,” Dayla said looking at you wide-eyed.

You looked at both of them and walked to the seat you usually sat at and what a surprise the man came with you.

“Do you mind if I sit here?” he said motioning to the seat across from you.

“Go ahead,” you said

He sat down looking out the window and then back at you. “I’m sorry I realized I never introduced myself I’m Roger Taylor.” he said extending his hand out to you, you grabbed it.

“I’m Mickey… well it’s not really Mickey but it’s just easier to pronounce.” Stupid you should’ve just said Mickey.

“May I ask what your real name is?” Roger said still holding your hand

“It’s Mikaela but Mickey is fine.”

“Can you say it one more time, I want to make sure I got it right.” he rubbed his thumb across your knuckles.

“Umm… yeah it’s pronounced Me as in me and you, Ki like eye but with a K in front of it and Yella like yell with an A after… That sounded really complicated actually you don’t have to-”

“Mikaela?” he said slowly looking up at you for confirmation. 

“Yeah!” your heart skipped a beat it is so nice hearing your name.

“Nice to meet you Mikaela” he said as he brought your hand up to his mouth and pressed a soft kiss on your knuckles.

Fuck.

Of course, at the exact same time as that happened, Dayla came with your drinks. She set your drink down smirking and left without saying another word.

“Is it safe to assume that you are not from here?” He asked while blowing on his tea before taking a small sip.

“Yeah, you can say that. What gave it away.” You said smiling from your coffee cup

“You’re just different from everyone not in a bad way either I like it. Where are you from.”

Oh god, I can die happy right now.

“Well, it's a bit of a long story.”

“I don't have anywhere to be.” He said his blues eyes burning into yours

Oh wow, he's so hot

“Oh in that case. I was born in a small town in Spain. Spanish was my first language so that’s why I talk funny.”

“I like the way you talk.”

He did not. Your face was definitely red.

“How does a girl from Spain come to London?”

“Ummm sheer luck I suppose.”

“Can I ask you a question?”

“Sure”

“Was it hard learning another language?”

“Learning English was super difficult sometimes I feel like I dont know what I’m saying, but English is my third language my second was Italian.”

“Italian? Where do you find the time to learn two extra languages?” He was genuinely in disbelief

“Well my mom was from Spain and my dad was from Italy so I just needed to know both and they’re pretty similar to each other so it wasn’t that hard.

“What do you do for fun?”

“What do I do for fun?” I repeated thinking hard

“Yes, you obviously must have loads of friends.”

“Well… I do have friends, I just can’t think of one at this second.”

This is embarrassing now he thinks I’m a loser

“Don’t worry I don’t have many friends either but consider me as your friend Mickey.”

“What about you? What do you do for fun?” I need to change the subject oh my god.

“Well, I’m in a rock band.”

“A rock band?!” You said a little too loudly

“What about me isn’t rock and roll Mickey?” he said laughing

“Not in a bad way of course you don’t seem like the type to be singing in front of a crowd,” I said shaking my head 

“Well, I suppose you got that right I’m on the drums in the back so the audience can’t really see me anyways.”

“I’m sorry I’m not trying to make fun of you I just got caught off guard, does your band have a name?”

“Sm- Queen,” he said shaking his head.

“I like the name Queen, are you playing soon I would like to see what I’m missing out on.”

“We’re actually recording our first album right now, the recording place is not too far from here about a block or two further down. So we’re going on a small break until we’re done with the album but I believe the next one is in three weeks.”

“I’ll keep an eye out for it then.” You said sipping your coffee

“Actually I was hoping to see you earlier than that.”

You immediately choked on your coffee, making a scene by coughing into your napkin.

“That wasn’t the response I had hoped for,” he said passing you his napkin so you can wipe your tears with.

“Oh, I’m so sorry I wasn’t trying to be mean I just- well I would like to see you again as well.”

“Really?,” He said smiling, and you swear you could melt from his smile alone.

“Yes, of course.” You smiled back.

He then prompted to drink his cup of tea until it was finished and left money on the table.

“Great then I’m going to leave before I can mess up this perfect first moment. By any chance do you have a pen on you?”

You shook your head yes and looked through your bag handing it to him.

“This is my number, we’re recording until 6 today so anytime after that call me and I’d love to talk to you more.”

You felt your head spinning with how fast he was talking and moving.

He plucked your hand up and gave you a small kiss on it again, he then walked to the door before saying.

“Promise me you’ll call me,” he told you while he grabbed the door handle.

“I promise I’ll call you,” you said softly

“Perfect,” he said while he winked at you and then left.

He gave you one last look through the window and then left, once he was out of view Dayla came to the table.

“Who was that?” she said, collecting her tip that Roger left her.

“His name is Roger. I met him today.”

“Today! You’re joking.”

“I swear Dayla I met him minutes before coming here?”

“He can be a psychopath! And here you are chatting with him after knowing him for 30 minutes.”

That stopped you.

“He is not a psycho he was so nice and funny, and did you see how hot he is Day?”

“Yeah well murderers can be funny and hot.”

“Do you really think he’s a murderer?” you asked in a exsperated way.

“No, I was just kidding he is really hot and besides who would want to murder you?” Dayla said as she wiggled her eyebrows.

“Wow that doesn’t really make me feel better.”

She stood up grabbing Roger’s empty cup “Girl you know I was just playing I say go for it and have fun, anyone would be lucky to have you.” she bumped your shoulder with her hip and left.

Your mind felt overwhelmed with all the excitement from today you even almost forgot that you had some work orders to do you tried to push Roger from your mind as you grabbed your journal and sketchbook from your bag. You looked back at your notes reading on what your client wanted: a floor-length gown but not something too flashy something to show off their arms and their cleavage. Perfect. You spent your time designing the gown having fun with it since you probably wouldn’t have another gown piece for months. After finishing you went on to your smaller orders feeling yourself getting into the groove of things.

Looking up from your sketch you noticed how dark it got outside and how empty it now was in the cafe. You decided to call it a day, well that was until you go home, and then you would start making the gown. You noticed the clock when you were telling Dayla good night. 6:58 Damn time really flew by and then you remembered the number you had in your bag.

The walk home went by to fast your thoughts about what you would say to Roger once you called made you nervous to the point that your keys kept slipping from your hands as you were trying to open the door to your apartment. 

You purposely threw your jacket on the phone hook so you didn’t have to see it and went to the bathroom you looked at your appearance baggy jeans, an oversize t-shirt that you also slept in, hair a mess, and no makeup. You shook your head, no way Roger was being serious about you calling him he was so much more put together and out of your league completely. You could just imagine all the beautiful women that he has been with, no way you could compare. You sighed walking out the bathroom ready to get started on your order. You grabbed the different fabrics you needed for making the gown and when you went to grab your sketchbook Roger’s number fell and slowly fluttered down to the floor like it was taunting you. You stared at the paper hard groaning when you opened it reading that he wrote “Roger <3” following his number. You did promise him you would call…

Your heartbeat picked up when you approached the phone dialing each number slowly wishing a catastrophic event would happen and end the world so you didn’t have to finish dialing. It didn’t happen. You put the phone to your ear and hear the first ring, and then the second. This was stupid calling him in the first place you removed the phone from your ear and were half a second away from hanging up when you heard “Hello?”

Shit.

You couldn’t just hang up now. 

“Hello, is this Roger?”

“It took you long enough.”

[ganzeer-reviews]

POPISM: THE WARHOL 60′s by Andy Warhol and Pat Hackett o-o-o-o-o

In most of his interviews, Andy Warhol wasn't very talkative and came off as hella awkward while simultaneously being kinda snarky, often dicking interviewers around. So it's quite refreshing to be getting his take on things in his own voice. 300 pages of it, no less. Sure, you can bet the actual writing was done by Pat Hacket, but you can be equally sure that the voice behind the writing belongs to no one but Andy Warhol.

"Very few people on the [West] Coast knew or cared about contemporary art, and the press for my show wasn't too good. I always have a laugh, though, when I think of how Hollywood called Pop Art a put-on! Hollywood?? I mean, when you look at the kind of movies they were making then--those were supposed to be real??"

It's also nice to see him recount his transition from his commercial art practice to his early beginning within the gallery circuit-- when he was still not quite sure of himself-- before he became a superstar and way before his studio became the go-to place for every major counter-cultural figure in America.

"By the time Ivan [Karp] (who worked at Leo Castelli Gallery) introduced me to Henry [Geldzahler] (who at the time was a new young 'curatorial-assistant-with-no-specific-duties' at the Met) I was keeping my commercial drawings absolutely buried in another part of the house because one of the people Ivan had brought by before had remembered me from my commercial art days and asked to see some drawings. As soon as I showed them to him, his whole attitude toward me changed. I could actually see him changing his mind about my paintings, so from then on I decided to have a firm no-show policy about the drawings. Even with Henry, it was a couple of months before I was secure enough about his mentality to show them to him."

But if it's the explosive Factory years you're interested in, rest assured there's plenty of that as well. One of the best things about this book though is Warhol's observations about the times.  Because that is very much what the book is: a window onto the 1960's through they eyes and words of Andy Warhol. It starts off in 1960 and ends in 1969. By all accounts the 60's was a very special decade in America, and Warhol's retelling definitely drives the point home

"Everything went young in '64. The kids were throwing out all the preppy outfits and the dress-up clothes that made them look like their mothers and fathers, and suddenly everything was reversed--the mothers and fathers were trying to look like their kids."

It gets better:

"Generally speaking, girls were still pretty chubby, but with the new slim clothes coming in, they all went on diets. This was the first year I can remember seeing loads of people drink low-calorie sodas."

And then later:

"Since diet pills are made out of amphetamine, that was one reason speed was as popular with Society as it was with street people. And these Society women would pass out the pills to the whole family, too--to their sons and daughters to help them lose weight, and to their husbands to help them work harder and stay out later. There were so many people from every level on amphetamine, and although it sounds strange, I think a lot of it was because of the new fashions."

So you get interesting anecdotes like that, with associations and theories only someone like Warhol would come up with; Fashion made Speed popular.

He does go on tangents throughout the book, recounting other people's stories instead of his own--which I s'pose you can say is a very Warholian thing to do, isn't it? I can imagine some people getting tired of these long tangents, but I find them to be wonderful additions to Warhol's montage of the decade.

"'I gave Bob Dylan a book of my poems a couple of years ago,' Taylor [Mead] said, 'right after the first time I saw him perform. I thought he was a great poet and I told him so... And now', Taylor started to laugh, 'now when he's a big sensation and everything, he asked me for a free copy of my second book. I said 'but you're rich now--you can afford to buy it!' And he said, 'But I only get paid quarterly.'"

These asides cover a huge roster of characters, from Dylan to Jackson Pollock to Robert Rauschenberg to Jonas Mekas to Dennis Hopper to Edie Sedgwick to Jim Morrison to Lou Reed to Nico to Mick Jagger and on and on. The tone is very conversational and often gosspiy, but it isn't all mere gossip. You learn, for example, how Warhol introduced Henry Geldzahler to a young British painter by the name of David Hockney. This was before Geldzahler became curator of American Art at the Met and way before he became Commissioner of Cultural Affairs for New York City. And it was really before Andy Warhol himself became anything close to a cult figure, which he would start to become only 1-2 years later.

Hard to imagine the transition when you take into account the initial reception towards his work:

"When Ivan brought Leo Castelli up to my studio, the place was a mass, with the big canvases strewn around the living room--painting was a lot messier than drawing. Leo looked my stuff over, the Dick Tracys and the Nose Jobs in particular, and then said, 'Well, it's unfortunate, the timing, because I just took on Roy Lichtenstein, and the two of you in the same gallery would collide."

And then later:

"Henry Geldzahler was also pounding the pavements for me. He offered me to Sidney Janis, who refused. He begged Robert Elkon. He approached Eleanor Ward, who seemed interested but said she didn't have room. Nobody, but nobody, would take me."

Amidst the stories, the gossip, and observations, there's also the occasional tip.

"To be successful as an artist, you have to have your work shown in a good gallery for the same reason that, say, Dior never sold his originals from a counter in Woolworth's. It's a matter of marketing, among other things. If a guy has, say, a few thousand dollars to spend on a painting, he doesn't wander along the street till he sees something lying around that 'amuses' him. He wants to buy something that's going to go up and up in value, and the only way that can happen is with a good gallery, one that looks out for the artist, promotes him, and sees to it that his work is shown in the right way to the right people."

He finally got his first New York show in the fall of '62 at Eleanor Ward's Stable Gallery (only 3 years before announcing his retirement from painting). By early '63 he'd moved his work studio from his home to an old firehouse on East 87th st, and soon thereafter he hired Gerard Malanga as his assistant, who was also instrumental in keeping Andy plugged into all the cultural happenings.

"Gerard kept up with every arty event and movement in the city--all the things that sent out fliers or advertised in the Voice. He took me to a lot of dank, musty basements where plays were put on, movies screened, poetry read--he was an influence on me in that way."

The more things Warhol was exposed to, the more he soaked up stuff like a sponge, not just for his art, but for his very persona.

"In those days I didn't have a real fashion look yet... Eventually I picked up some style from Wynn [Chamberlain] , who was one of the first to go in for the S & M leather look."

Perhaps some of the most interesting parts in the book is when Warhol recounts some of his efforts in film, which indeed took up the majority of the 60's despite not "bringing home the bacon" in the same way the paintings did. Even today Andy's films have yet to occupy the same place his paintings have, but in reading his retelling it's hard to think that even the most skeptical of skeptics wouldn't be able to see that there's at least a bit of genius in them. In one bit, Warhol even talks about "slow cinema" something that seems to be regaining popularity in recent years.

"That had always fascinated me, the way people could sit by a window or on a porch all day and look out and never be bored, but then if they went to a movie or a play, they suddenly objected to being bored. I always felt that a very slow film could be just as interesting as a porch-sit if you thought about it the same way."

But all in all the greatest thing about the book is that it's such a perceptive account of some of the most interesting aspects of 60's New York. There's lots on Jonas Mekas' Cinematheque, plenty on the changing neighborhoods, how the East Village was becoming all Bohemian, when the Beatles became all the rage and the Stones were having publicity issues, how fashions were quickly evolving year after year ("The masses wanted to look non-conformist, so that meant the non-conformity had to be mass-manufactured").

I find it quite odd that in the wide array of art-related books recommended to me over the years, Andy Warhol's Popism was never mentioned once. In fact, I never even knew of the book's existence, and just happened upon it by sheer coincidence. It strikes me as essential reading to anyone interested in not just Andy Warhol, but New York's art scene in the 60's more generally, arguably the most important decade in American art and culture at large. And actually, art aside, it's an incredible telling account of the decade more generally, with Warhol's keen observations on things like fashion, music, and media. Even with Warhol's shortcomings--his obsessions with things like glamour, fame, and money, all things that come across in this here book--he still manages to do what he's always done best: hold up a mirror right in America's face.

Highly recommended.

[Available on Amazon]

[thesinglesjukebox]

ARIANA GRANDE FT. NICKI MINAJ - THE LIGHT IS COMING

[6.36]

It's Ariana Gran-Day! Starting off with this Nicki duet, containing an unexpected sample...

Rebecca A. Gowns: The sample is fascinating. It reminds me of the baby coo in "Are You That Somebody"; a non-musical sound transformed into a musical refrain, then multiplied so often it becomes the beat itself. And seemingly not connected to the actual content of the song... or is it? Like, is "Are You That Somebody" really about making babies? (Not just euphemistically, but about conception itself?) And is this song really an anti-establishment taunt? (Not just the music industry, but the clowns in Congress, if you will?) Well, who the hell knows. The music here is so much more fascinating than the lyrical content; the man yells about not being interrupted between stringent beep-bop-boop sounds crossing over from Dan Deacon territory. Honestly, it's reminiscent of a certain other pop/rap song that could also be called equal turns annoying, political, and just plain fun. And like that song, I like it even when it starts to grate. Maybe even because it's grating -- like, thank God established pop artists take risks like this sometimes. [8]

Katherine St Asaph: Gather around, folks, for a recent history lesson! The man sampled all over "The Light Is Coming," Craig Miller, was part of a Tea Party-organized, "almost entirely white and irritable" crowd protesting an 2009 Arlen Specter town hall in soon-to-flip-red Pennsylvania. The protest was against Obamacare, but it devolved almost immediately into more general right-wing bullshit. You can watch the whole thing on C-SPAN, if you're short on despair. Lowlights include: "What about this Guantanamo closure? ... The [mispronounced] Koar-ann says that all unbelievers shall be executed, killed. That's why I cannot support Islam." "He's right." (43:56); cheering at "we can take the non-U.S. citizens and give them an airplane ticket and ship them back" (38:47); even louder cheering at "the illegals, they shouldn't even be here" (18:34), and, toward the end (1:13:13), a familiar refrain: "The people in this room want their country back." One of them felt the need to clarify that she didn't have "any Nazi symbols with [her]" (7:45), perhaps because the previous day, in Georgia, someone painted a swastika outside Democratic representative David Scott's office after his town hall. Do I think Pharrell -- who also sampled Specter's own remarks in "Lemon" -- is maliciously sneaking far-right propaganda into our children's pop music? No, of course not. Maybe he just thought it sounded cool. But including a sample this obscure, this prominently, must have some point, and choosing one so politically charged brings in connotations -- connotations that just don't play nice with the light/darkness/taking-back/theft imagery and taunting delivery of "the light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole." It doesn't help that the Manchester bombing, which every Sweetener interview unavoidably alludes to, was quickly exploited by the far right. It also doesn't help that Grande's verses don't rebut but echo Miller, targeting someone who's a "know-it-all" (see other protesters' gripes about "elitists" and a bill written above "junior high school" language), who's irrational and doesn't listen, who's "tellin' everyone, stay woke" -- sides clearly assigned. The beat is great, the most inventive and sinuous Pharrell's sounded in years, but it's wasted on -- what, exactly? Both-sidesing? A Producers-esque attempt to squash innovation in pop with a bizarre sample set up to fail? Or inadvertently (I hope) something more reactionary than anything Taylor Swift's ever released? It could be worse. The track's a "Sleazy"/"Dark Horse"/"Jewels 'n' Drugs" urban crossover attempt, for which Grande's team "auditioned eight rappers," one of whom may have been much-streamed XXXTentacion. Nicki's winning verse, self-promotion and fuckboy dissing written remotely, doesn't engage with the song at all, which is probably for the best. As for fan consensus? Seems to be: "Will that old guy please STFU?" [2]

Vikram Joseph: Ladies and gentlemen, 2018's most bizarre sampling decision! I've read the context behind the "You wouldn't let anybody speak, and instead..." quote, and it still makes minimal sense to loop it continuously behind what's otherwise a seductive, abrasive, very N.E.R.D. throb of a beat. Thematically, it seems to be an attempt to take down condescension and echo-chamber complacency in debate ("if it ain't your view, that's the bottom line"); this is ambitious, and only occasionally hits the mark, too often stumbling into jumbled nonsense such as "give you a box of chances, every time you blow it all". Nicki Minaj, meanwhile, is relegated to a brief, off-topic turn in the intro. And all the while, that shouty man keeps shouting (and, god, I really can't emphasise enough what a strange choice of sample this is). Good Beat, B.A.A.D. Decisions. [5]

Tobi Tella: I mean, you don't know how HARD I tried to like this. Coming off their three amazing previous collaborations, this should've been great. But there's so much about this I don't like: the repetitive chorus, the weird way she sings so you can't actually understand a word she's saying, the sample of a conservative yelling? It's all just off-putting and irritating to me. Nicki gets in the best line of the song with "Yo Ariana come let give you a high five", but even her solid verse can't save the trainwreck around her. [3]

Abdullah Siddiqui: Little about this track is normal for a Top 40 single. And I find that very refreshing. The hook is effective, in that it hasn't left the back of my mind in weeks. The instrumental is beautifully minimalistic; the drum sequence at the start reminds me of Björk's "Heirloom". I love when the track kicks into double time. Minaj delivers a few solid bars at the top. Grande doesn't rely too much on her vocal tricks for this one, and it works to the song's benefit. The track is not without its flaws, however. It feels somewhat structurally underdeveloped. The "you wouldn't let anybody speak" is a bit overused, and it feels particularly misplaced during the verses. But these flaws are not by any means fatal. This is definitely one of Grande's most adventurous releases, and I'd go so far as to say, one of her best. [8]

Jacob Sujin Kuppermann: Aside from Nicki Minaj, whose tacked-on verse sounds less like its own contribution and more like another mandatory installment in the "Chun-Li" cinematic universe, all the many moving parts here end up making a lot of sense. Ariana's vocal performance darts between the little open spaces of Pharrell's beat, expanding and contracting as he brings in bizarro-bounce elements (including a sample from an anti-Obamacare town hall, of all things.) It's almost interesting enough as a pure physical feat, the way she moves from taunting cadences to breathy whispers to damn-near belting on a second's notice, but fortunately there's a good enough song as scaffolding around her too, one that provides enough structure to support "the light is coming" in its pursuit of weird pop glory. [7]

Alex Clifton: Ariana seems to be reinventing pop this year; the work off of Sweetener so far is the most eclectic stuff I've heard on the charts in quite some time. Where "No Tears Left to Cry" refused to resolve in any particular tonality (major or minor? why not both!), "The Light Is Coming" stutters and glitches with a sample of an irate citizen from hearings over Obamacare paired with video game beeps and boops. On paper, it shouldn't work, and it doesn't overwhelm me the way that all of Ariana's best tracks have in the past. But in practice it ends up sounding like a dystopian dance song/spoken word poem, which in 2018 feels like a real mood. Ariana and Nicki work well together as always although once Nicki's initial verse is gone she's out of the song for good; she could've come back pretty easily, and that would've made for some nice vocal interplay. But the more I hear of Ariana's music the more I keep wanting to hear, even when it misses the mark. It's been a while since I've seen a Pop Diva experiment so boldly away from her typical formula, and I'm revelling in every moment of it. [6]

Ashley John: The dismembered corpses of pure pop hooks and Pennsylvania politics roughly stitched together with a Pharrell beat is as close to a summary of Me as a song can get, so I'm partial to and suspicious of it right away. "The Light is Coming" should feel gimmicky, like Ariana is rushing in a rebellious phase, but instead it hits closer to a teaser--of what I am not sure. A Lorde song without the specificity or the groove, a Gwen Stefani track without the whimsy, and in those places just a hollow, trembling core. The track feels like it could collapse in on itself at any point, and actually, how fitting for a chorus of chanted, demanded optimism. [7]

Alfred Soto: A gesture -- an attempt to coalesce Pharrellistic effects around a would-be aphorism. One of the effects is Nicki Minaj. [6]

Thomas Inskeep: The beat, the slightly off-kilter rhythm was nagging at me, and then once I looked up the credits it made sense: it's Pharrell. And what he's brought for Ariana here is Trio's "Da Da Da" cut with Hot Butter's 1972 smash "Popcorn"! And then, on top of that, Minaj drops a solid opening 12 bars before Grande cuts loose with a message of positivity -- the chorus is "the light is coming to give back everything the darkness stole" -- that's obviously another reference to Manchester. And it works. I hope this hits on radio, because it'll sound glaringly different, and radio needs more of that right now. [7]

Will Rivitz: Man, Pharrell can't miss, can he? No one quite does the minimal beat like he does, and the versatility of his productions -- fitting everyone from Clipse to Ed Sheeran -- is on full display here, addictive vocal sample and all. Of course, it helps that everything else clicks, too: Ariana's finally embracing her "sardonic" side in her music, Nicki's verse is serviceable and appropriate if not particularly memorable, and the eerie nonchalance of the chorus perfectly encapsulates the song's uncanny ambience. Dangerous Woman is one of the best pop albums of the decade, and if Grande's current singles are any indication, Sweetener could be even better. [9]

Stephen Eisermann: Pharrell's production has been a bit shaky lately, but here his experimentation works. Nicki gives a perfectly serviceable verse to Pharrell's noisy beat, but it's Ariana's commitment and sass that elevates the track. To take on a track this playful, you need an artist who is willing and able to dance along to the track and Ariana is no slacker; even if the song is a bit weird thematically, sonically it's a gem and I'll be dancing along all summer. [7]

Maxwell Cavaseno: The unlikely world where I can imagine if Ariana thought the kind of music that came out of Ghostly International at the start of the decade would be the perfect sort of music to top the charts. Nevertheless, she's utterly at home, crooning and yammering through the strange pinball playground of her design, and to make the retrofitting all the more complete, you have Nicki doing her best to remember when she last sounded interesting... way back at the dawn of the decade. [7]

Pedro João Santos: It's a idiosyncratic mix of atypical vocal restraint by Ariana, boundless structure and glitchy, angular production courtesy of Pharrell. The verses are amorphous and abstract; Nicki makes a perfunctory but reliable appearance; the circular hook is repeated ad infinitum. Somehow, it all amounts to moderate success, after the brilliant "No Tears Left to Cry", even despite the appalling sample, which might serve for texture, but not much else. At least, it led to interview gold: "Is Ariana Grande a Christian?", the man whose voice was sampled, unbeknownst to him, asks an MTV reporter; his wife Karen sensibly replies: "Craig, I think she's more like Madonna." [7]

[Read, comment and vote on The Singles Jukebox]

[cosmosogler]

hi guys. i am starting at 10:08 today because i had some things to finish.

i woke up this morning kinda miserable just because i’d. wait. did i go to bed late last night? i think i did? i set my alarm for 8... when i was brushing my teeth i realized that the right side of my neck and shoulder hurt very badly and i couldn’t seem to lift anything that weighed more than two pounds. and i couldn’t lift my arm above shoulder level without hissing through my teeth.

i biked to school anyway!!!!!!

but before that there were thousands of police sirens constantly. i figured it might be difficult to get to campus but i left late anyway because i guess i’m just dumb or something, i dunno. i thought i was getting ready on time but then preparing lunch just went on forever...

so i turbo pedaled to campus, sort of, between whining to myself about my shoulder and running out of steam in my legs. i didn’t get stopped at the light for too long so that cut about 3 minutes off my trip so i actually did make it to class on time.

none of my students finished their labs today. even though there was only 2/3rds attendance and i had lots of time for everyone. i felt like a bum. it’s like... it’s weird. it seems like everyone in the section has similar problems, but then there’s different common problems between sections. by the third hour i was getting really turned around calibration wise. as always i just could not get my students to leave until 10 minutes after the class ended. i was really sad about that because i really, really had to go to the bathroom but i didn’t want to yell at them. but they had to leave!!! the next class was coming in!!! i hate that they put me in this position of forcing them to not finish their work. 

i’m not angry that they didn’t finish, i’m just upset that they wouldn’t leave. and they never leave and i never have any time for a lunch break before my coaching sessions with the drc. so i packed all that lunch and didn’t get to eat any of it anyway. 

i didn’t have a meeting with the drc today but i did want to go to a thing. so i forced down some guac before i biked uphill all the way to the counseling center where i went to a wellness coaching event. i invited suzanne and she told me to text her the details but she never responded to say she was or wasn’t going and when i got back to the department she had left for the day.

the wellness thing was good. we sat at a small table on the floor and colored. there were three other students there, all undergrad freshmen. it was weird to be 25 in a room with only 17/18 year olds. the coach was older than me at least. she was turkish. 

i drew a sunset with crayons and then i drew a thing with pastels. i had so much trouble moving my right arm around that i usually ended up flopping my left arm over the table to get a crayon and knocking the box over. i joked that i just wanted it knocked over but the clumsy reaches with my non-dominant hand and the pauses to breathe out the pain every few minutes probably gave away that i was hurting.

i tried to get up to use the bathroom and my legs were asleep and i fell over and then had so much trouble getting up with just one arm and no legs. i made a show of it because what else was i gonna do.

i colored for a little over an hour. it was nice. i just did whatever i felt like and didn’t make any sketch lines. i might post the pictures later... i don’t want to spend time on that right now.

afterward i biked back to the department but there was NO ONE THERE. well, except taylor, and adamya came into the office and then five minutes later passed out in a chair for like an hour while i scrolled through a web site waiting to see if anyone else would come in... i don’t remember which one. it wasn’t important really.

harrison was also there but he was teaching his four-hour shift and i didn’t want to wait around until dinnertime to start studying. i biked home and when i tried to get off my bike that last time i had to struggle to lift myself high enough to get off the seat. my shoulder and neck were really not feelin it.

after that i was home! and i didn’t get anything done, naturally!!! 

well, i spent some time relaxing. i made myself some tea and played pokemon by the fan and open window for a while until my shoulder didn’t feel like death. then i stretched and that helped too. i could almost turn my head for a little while. it’s hurting real bad again now though. my neck feels like it’s gonna snap if i turn or tilt my head more than a few degrees or lift my arm too high.

i couldn’t pick up any energy for working though. i played pokemon and brushed snoopy and listened to music. i did everything i could to avoid thinking about quantum mechanics. naturally. eventually my marshadow got to level 100 and i had to put the game away since there was nothing left to do. i talked to asher and wished him a happy birthday. i found a podcast to help you fall asleep and i had zoned out before the 2-minute mark. so i’m gonna try putting that on when i go to bed tonight.

at like 9 i said “ok fine” and picked up my quantum notes and looked at them for a little while. i admired the decent grades i’ve gotten on the homework and tried to remember the method i’d used for each question. didn’t have the energy to do any practice problems. but as long as i remember what exactly the question is asking for it’s not hard to get it. 

so much of our homework has been proofs, though, that i worry about what kinds of questions are actually going to be on the exam. everyone is worried. i sent a message in the groupme about how i was concerned that no one was around in the office to study with and suzanne replied that morale is not high this week. that’s fair i guess. i still wish i’d had someone around to help me keep focused though.

while i was drawing with those freshmen and the coach... i remembered some happy things. i told stories about my high school art class i think. i don’t remember what i said. we talked about our majors a little bit. i said i really respected chemistry and material science. like even though chemistry is a “solved” science thanks to qm, there’s still so much detail packed into it and so many useful things that we haven’t discovered yet because there are basically infinite combinations of all these elements and endless details to fill in. i think that made them happy. i know there’s a lot of competition between branches of science and it isn’t always friendly. some professions are respected a lot less than others. i think they are all important. it wouldn’t be any good if there were five hundred million theoretical physicists running around and no engineers.

it was... strange, i guess? i don’t hardly ever draw around other people. and i wasn’t paying that much attention to them and didn’t say much total over the course of the hour. but i had a lot more happy thoughts in my head while i was drawing. at the end the coach gave me a tiny booklet of mandalas i can color for a few minutes here and there.

hmm. there’s a book convention this weekend. i am going to have to limit myself to 4 or 5 books because i just don’t have any space left for any more books until i start actually reading some. suzanne and jennica are going. i think rebika wants to go too. one of them might pick us up so we can go together. or it’s in biking distance, i’ll check it out tomorrow night. i don’t want to try to hold too much more information in my head right now. it’s gonna get dumped during the quantum test.

one thing i’d like to do moving forward is, i guess, figure out how to force myself to work for just 5 minutes. just to get started. just to do SOMETHING. five minutes is better than no minutes. even if it’s not good enough... it’s better than no minutes.

a funny thing about depression is that doing things does help you feel better for a little bit. but it takes energy to start doing things. this week i’ve just felt too bad to even do things that would make me feel better.

except... i did do things to help me feel better. i still bike to school to get some exercise even though i have no energy for it and coast as much as i can. i went to the wellness thing today. i taught my classes even if i didn’t grade anything. i am taking care of my cat better than i was in september after the hurricane when i was so busy. 

i guess the fear here is that i don’t want to start patting myself on the back before i’m actually over the hurdle. i don’t want to say “ok this is a good first step, but the first step is good enough” and then stop there. it’s like... in my brain saying “this is good” is like saying “this is done and you have to stop now.”

i dunno i’m doing all this stuff and i still feel bad, of course. it doesn’t make the depression go away or even ease up half the time. but it still feels... worth it? like, i didn’t think about how depressed i was for 40 minutes at the wellness thing today, even though i was depressed before and after. but that’s 40 less minutes of feeling totally miserable in my day (outside of the physical pain). thumbs up, i guess?

i’m gonna say that’s my good thing. i have 1 minute left. i’m gonna get the podcast loaded up.

[doomedandstoned]

The Day We Chatted It Up With Black Tusk

~By Shawn Gibson~

Photos by Sally Townsend

On this Flashback Friday, here's a previously unpublished interview Shawn did with Corey and Andrew of Black Tusk last year during one of the busiest years on record for Doomed & Stoned. While some of it is obviously dated, the conversation ventures into some interesting areas that touches upon topics as diverse as favorite hardcore band, the Savannah Scene, good reads, police corruption, and even raising toddlers (among others). I've also decided to preserve it verbatim, with little editing of the format, in order to preserve the conversational feel. Hope you enjoy the read and, as the band finds itself deep in the middle of a spring EuroTour, we hope you'll also get out and support the band's awesome live performances!   (Billy)

Film by Frank Huang

Hello, Corey?!

Corey: Hey, how you doing? Andrew's with me also.

Andrew: Hey, what's up man?

What's up, Andrew?

Andrew: Not much. Just getting off work.

Time to kick back and relax.

Corey: We're going to try our best.

I want to thank both of you guys for your time.

Corey: Yeah, thanks for doing this.

I had an interview with Taylor from White Nails, probably two or three days ago.

Andrew: We actually haven't met those guys yet.

We're taking it back old school. We decided we're coming out swinging.

He sounds like a cool guy. You guys will be on tour with White Nails and Whores in a few days?

Andrew: Yeah, it's about like twenty-one days, something like that.

At the end of this tour you will be in Asheville at the Heavy Mountain Festival right?

Corey: That's right.

Andrew: A friend of ours is booking that. I think it's the first year. Ray Worth, He's in that band Bask. Yeah we've done a tour with them.

Yep I've heard of em'. You guys have a new album coming out right? On Season of Mist?

Andrew: Yeah August 17th.

T.C.B.T?

Corey: That's right.

T.C.B.T. by Black Tusk

If you could, please explain T.C.B.T.

Andrew: What do you think it means?

Uh, I was wondering if it had anything to do with Jonathan. I've seen him with the logo.

Andrew: So the T.C.B.T thing is a thing that Athon and James came up with a while ago. It's part of our merch. It's our Black Tusk....

Corey: ...Motto.

Andrew: Kind of like a logo for the band. It means Taking Care of Black Tusk. We decided to name the record T.C.B.T because the band has been reconfigured in the last couple of years. This is the first record with Corey writing. It's still Black Tusk, but it's a new Black Tusk. We're taking it back old school. We decided we're coming out swinging and we're taking care of Black Tusk.

The artwork for the album looks like it was spray painted on some grip tape.

Corey: (laughs) Close enough! It is spray paint on one of our cases for our amplifiers.

Right on.

Corey: The idea behind the artwork was how Andrew was just explaining to you, about the actual meaning of the title and starting over where we wanted to get away with what the band has done in the past, in that sense. Musically, we did that. We were like, "Fuck it! Let's do it with the artwork, as well!" It's kind of like an homage to older, grittier album covers that we like. Also, it's one of our cases to prove we're road dogs. We're never giving up and we’re working hard, and always have been. This what we have to show for it, our busted-up wear on everything. We had Brian Mercer do the rest of the artwork and collaborate with our jangled mess of ideas.

What's that like being on Season of Mist?

Andrew: So far so good. This is our first record with them. We'll see how it plays out with the release and the touring. We're pretty happy. The guy who runs the North American wing of the label, Gordon Conrad, he was in charge of Relapse when we first signed to them all that time ago.

So does that make it a smoother transition?

Andrew: For sure.

Corey: Oh yeah.

Nice.

Andrew: Half-way through our career with Relapse, he pushed the Season of Mist. When our deal with Relapse was up and we decided to switch labels, he was there. He said, "Hey, you guys. Come do your new record with us." I thoroughly enjoyed working with him when he was at Relapse and it felt like a smart move to make. He's great, he takes care of bands. We're pretty happy.

Corey: Season has a great roster going on right now. It made good sense for us. Once the offer was there for us, it just made sense for us to move. Floor...

Andrew: ...Weedeater, Watain.

Corey: They don't have Watain anymore.

Andrew: They don't?

Corey: You know what I'm saying! Their roster is pretty impressive. The last record I was on with my older band, we were on Season. There was no complaints on my end.

Sweet.

Corey: It's been a good thing.

What are some Savannah bands you guys dig and or love to play with?

Andrew: Right now, one of the main bands in town doing something in our vein, our style, is called Lies In Stone. It's with members of Dammad and Dead Yet? It was Victoria's band, who recently passed. That's probably my favorite local band that's doing stuff.

Corey: The whole Savannah scene, years and years passed for our style of music, like a pretty heavy thing. It's kinda slowed down a bit. Definitely Lies In Stone is the band to look at. It's got Cooper, who played in classic crust metal bands like Anti-Schism and Initial State. He still plays and is amazing! (laughs)

What are some of Black Tusk's influences musically?

Corey: Oh man, each person in the band could give you like ten different bands. The generalized we all like punk stuff, you know. Not to sound cliché, but the classic punk shit. Anything from like Black Plague to like...

Andrew: ...there's no list of bands we're trying to emulate.

Of course.

Andrew: We all listen to an array of music that reflects stuff from classic rock to punk rock to speed metal to, you know, your stoner and sludge. That's all kind of stuff we listen to. It's kind of mushed together and with all three of us listening to different stuff, that's how it comes out when we're writing.

Corey: To elaborate on that even more, I could easily say I think when we were writing most of this I was actually listening to more yacht rock stuff. We don't sound anything like that. You can't be like metal, metal, metal, punk, punk, punk all the time. When we went through actually writing on these songs, we didn't sit down and write a song like blah, blah, blah or whatever. It was more like what naturally came. We figured we can write metal stuff, but there's people who can write better. The people that can write it better don't play stuff we want to hear anyway. We're punk dudes and that's what came out.

Do you guys like Dayglo Abortions?

Andrew: Yeah, I had that tape as a teenager in high school, man.

I had that shit in high school on a tape that was dubbed, then I went out and got the original, 'Feed Us A Fetus.'

Andrew: Yeah, I had that one. The one with Ronald Reagan on the cover.

Yep that's it!

What's a damn good book you guys have read?

Corey: A book? What's that? (laughs)

Andrew: The last book I read was kinda interesting. I read The Power Of The Dog. It's kind of like historical fiction about the drug wars on the borders. It's pretty interesting.

Corey: Unfortunately with Andrew and myself, we both have toddlers...

Andrew: ...We have no time to read!

I have two sons. I understand.

Corey: The last time I think I read a book was the last time we did a larger tour. I think the book was about this guy’s Vietnam experience, To Live and Die in a Combat Zone. I think most of us, if we read, it's something with more of a historical account.

Andrew: That's where I'm at.

Yes. I love non-fiction. Getting nerdy, I love reference books!

Corey: Other than reading books, because it's easier with all the streaming services, more like watching documentaries. Whenever we have down time at practice, we're not talking about which books to read, which maybe we'd be better people if we did that.(laughs) It's more like, "You should check out this documentary," and someone will chime in with something else.

What is something that makes you guys laugh uncontrollably?

Andrew: Shit my kid does, probably!

Corey: Probably what most people don't want to read: the kid aspect with the two of us is like whatever weird shit the kids are doing. It's hard to answer that kind of question. There's lots of stuff that'll make you laugh.

Andrew: The stuff James does at practice. James is full of funny stuff.

Corey: James, out of everybody in the band, he is the complete opposite of us. He ain't got no kids, doesn't have a wife. He has, well not a bachelor life, but not far from it. We don't have that.

For everybody else in the continental United States, could you guys describe St. Patty's Day in Savannah?

Andrew: Not really, 'cause we're usually in tour.

Corey: Or if we are not on tour, we are not anywhere around that shit.

Fuck downtown!

Andrew: We were here last year and we took our kids downtown for the parade.

The parade and then you get the hell out of there and go home!

Corey: There's all that stuff that happens downtown and that area. The last couple of years, I've been in town for that stuff. It's such a fucking hassle to even deal with that stuff. We'll go and watch the parade with the kids and somebody will have like a barbeque that's not downtown where you can go and hangout. Unfortunately, James isn't here. He would be the one to ask -- he's a bartender.

Where's he bartend?

Corey: At the Jinx.

No shit? Nice!

Corey: I'm sure his thing would be like a week of no sleep. I think those dudes sleep at the bar. Don't they?

Pretty close to it.

Andrew: They open at 10am and stay open 'till 3am.

I used to live in Savannah and worked the door at Savannah Smiles.

Corey: Okay.

I worked St. Patty’s Day and that was the case. I went to the parade had a pint or two of Guinness, then went to work at noon and got off at 4am. The thousands of people in Savannah and in that bar was insane!

Corey: It's one of those things where if I want to go out and get drunk, I can do that anytime I want. I don't need a weekend to do it. I see more of an inconvenience, the different people that come down to here to take part in that stuff. A good friend of mine years and years ago told me about St. Patrick's Day. He's like, “There’s two kinds of people: those who spend money and those who make money, and you don't want to be the one who spends money." So that's how I take it and avoid downtown.

What do you guys think it will take to curb some of the violence in Savannah? There's a shooting or more every night.

Andrew: What I think they should do is: a lot of local politicians they run on this platform as anti-crime and they want to hire more police -- I don't think that's the answer. I think there's a huge income divide in Savannah.

Big time.

Andrew: There's a lot of poverty here that isn't addressed. They should put more money in the school systems, put more money in leisure services and parks, have things for kids to do to get off the streets. There needs to be after-school programs. They need to focus on that stuff. Make our schools better, so you catch the kids early, before they turn to crime and street stuff. Have stuff in place to get them while they are young. Show them that there's better ways to do things. That's how you fix a crime problem in a town, not with more police -- that just makes the problem worse.

It almost seems like certain areas are trying to push out certain people.

A few years back there, Savannah had a lot of corruption with the cops.

Andrew: Yeah!

Probably still is.

Andrew: Willie Lovett is what you’re referring to, I think. The ex-police chief.

Yeah, yeah.

Corey: It's not just the police, it's the local government. They seem more eager to please the larger things in town -- obviously, the college that's here.

SCAD

Andrew: The historic district.

Corey: Or the builders who want to build, they also want to please them. It almost seems like certain areas are trying to push out certain people. Trying to raise the value of places. It's definitely on our minds, since we have families here, but it’s not what drives a lot of bands' thinking. At the same time, it does reflect what we write in songs and in a sense, because we do live in a shitty area. So that's always on our mind. You'll hear stories of friends or friends of friends, it's always going to be on your mind.

I'm sure you're familiar with J. H. Statts.

Corey: Oh yeah.

With what happened to him, he's an amazing guy. He was a victim of circumstance. Statts Fest is coming up in September. This will be a ten year anniversary for Statts Fest. It is terrible what happened to him and hearing about shootings in daylight at City Market is insane!

Andrew: It still happens. It seems like the last few months you don't hear about it too much, but it definitely happens. I'm not saying it's getting any better, you know. It's one of those things. If you live in this town, you know you lived here, you might relate. We've lived here longer. You get to a point where you stop thinking about it. When you hear the stories that come out, it's not a shock. It’s not like we're sitting here helpless and hiding. Everyone just kinda goes on. When shit happens it’s like, "Oh, that happened." You can't prevent it, if that makes any sense. You just don't think about it.

Well, on a lighter note, besides The Jinx and the Wormhole what are some Savannah venues you guys like to play?

Andrew: We've never played the Wormhole. There is an art gallery space where we're friends of: Sulphur Studios. We do shows there that are all ages.

Nice.

You've got to go out and support your community if it's ever going to continue.

Corey: When we play shows in town. We can't play houses. If we did, that would be the last time they did a house show! (laughs)

Andrew: We'll do a house show! The last time we did a house show it was insane. That was probably five years ago.

Corey: The legit venues in town in Savannah is a small big city. You have the Jinx, you have the Wormhole, which those are your good medium size venues. There's not too many other places to play at the moment. There are some people building, some larger stuff.

Andrew Jinx and Wormhole is it, unless it's an all-ages show at Sulphur Studios.

I was proud to catch Kylesa at the Wormhole. I've heard of a few house shows, but didn't go.

Corey: This city's got house shows, but the places that have been doing them haven't been directed towards heavier stuff. It was more indie stuff, maybe punk. With Savannah, we try not play a lot in Savannah so we don't get played out, you know? We go out and support some of those shows. You've got to go out and support your community, if it's ever going to continue. Even with the house shows, it seems it's died down a bit in the last couple months. I can't speak for everyone in the band, but I can speak for myself: the whole point of wanting to be a touring musician was to get out of Savannah and see other shit.

Besides this tour, what's in the future for Black Tusk?

Andrew: We've got this tour coming up, basically U.S. touring until the end of the year. There's some European stuff in the works. We'll see what's after that!

You have the new album, 'T.C.B.T' coming out on Season Of Mist. I'm going to try to catch you guys on the road!

Andrew: We have a Charlotte show and a fest in Pittsburgh in October.

Corey: Late October. There's a Wilmington date, as well. Asheville show. You should go to the Asheville show!

Yeah, I should go to that one, because I used to live there and have a lot of friends there. The day that you guys are playing with High On Fire and Obituary and Inter Arma, come on dude that's a fuckin' sick ass lineup!

Andrew: It's pretty tight!

Corey: You should go to that one, just 'cause.

Andrew: It's going to be a show for the books man!

Corey: High On Fire, Obituary, and White Nails are playing that show, too.

I didn't see them on the bill.

Corey: I might be wrong about that. They might not be playing. But still, the lineup is pretty sick!

Corey and Andrew, thank you very much, I appreciate your time!

Corey: Yeah, thank you.

Andrew: T.C.B.T August 17th, pick it up!

Corey: Alright. We’ll talk to you later, bye now.

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[finchanddora]

Time Travel, Pizza, Franconia Ridge, and Mooseses on ATVs

(Reminder: before I go too far into the stupid stuff, Alexandra’s Instagram is @thetravelingartist9, so go follow her because she’s got pictures and hashtags)

Xandry was just staring at the door in the bathroom because she had CBD oil (which has basically 0 THC) and still managed to get high because she’s a sensitive snow angel leopard (insert Xandry’s plug for the amazing benefits of CBD oil to sleep through the noise here). She said she was thinking about hiking. I don’t know if I believe that nor whether I can even process it mentally, but I can’t question success. Also, checking back an old blog posting from 2 years ago, it turns out we’ve stayed in basically this same town last time we were in NH. I knew that Wal-Mart and Subway looked familiar.

Anyways, we’re in Berlin, NH, where the mountains are stupendous, the farmers markets are the most happening event for the 17 people living here, the bears are literally clawing at our door (well, not tonight, but it apparently does happen at this AirBnB), and the mooseses are adding much needed helping hands (hooves?) at the paper mill. It’s exactly like the state motto goes: “Live Free or Die… Hard… With a vengeance… on Mt. Washington… from a collision with a moose on an ATV.”

But how was Pittsfield, MA? Glad you asked! Although not a ton of hiking was done, hazy and non-hazy New England beer was most certainly had. Also some pretty dope pizza with BBQ sauce, figs, pineapples, the tears of an iguana, and the top-center block of an authentic Russian igloo. Aside from the actually really good pizza over at Berkshire Mountain Bakery Pizza Café (yes, I Googled that and gave you the full name), we traveled back in time to see Peter Frampton and Steve Miller Band perform on a Monday kind of night and James Taylor perform on a Wednesday, July 4th, kind of night over at either the Guci store at Lenox Mall or Tanglewood in Lenox, MA. I’m told that’s a common mistake. It was our immense honor to also meet the guy who claimed to invent quinoa. He was surprisingly white and not that old looking for a dude that must be a native Andean pushing 3,000 years of life. He may have meant it less literally.

We also ventured over to Jacob’s Pillow, which thankfully was not true to its name and instead featured a bunch of impressive dance performances, including one by the Israeli group Bat Sheva and another by a group from the Georgia that’s not in the US. So for the most part, Pittsfield and Lenox were pretty great. There may have been a drug house right next to our AirBnB, but every neighborhood needs one of those. And Lenox felt a bit higher class than what we’re used to, but that’s nothing a nice, audible fart in a public area can’t fix.

With a week in Pittsfield behind us, we loaded up the car and made our way northward once more. Two years after making the promise that we will return, we finally made it back to New Hampshire. Along the way, we made a quick detour at River Roost Brewing and then a quick trip to a nearby co-op store, where they make sushi out of quinoa (invented by that guy we met at Tanglewood) and chocolate chip cookies out of almonds (probably also invented by the guy we met at Tanglewood). The state line separating VT and NH was right along the nearby river, so the cashier was ragging on whichever state she wasn’t living in at the time. We also tried to squeeze in a hike that day but ran out of time to complete the last 0.3 miles L. I guess quick detour + quick trip + 5 hours of driving = no summit.

We more than made up for it the next day. That’s when Nadav could finally shut up about wanting to hike Franconia Ridge because we finally hiked Franconia Ridge. It lived up to expectations. Highly recommended. The views, friendly dogs named Bosco with friendly parents working in the autonomous cars industry, park rangers using scare tactics to try to convince you to buy a map, and organic chemistry professors hiking 14 miles that day and carrying a handle of whiskey and still needing to drive back to Pennsylvania all made the endless hills of rocks you have to climb and descend entirely worth it. For the record, the ranger’s scare tactics did not work. Phones came through solid and determined to not bust they faces on said rocks as he promised they would. Also, too many humans along the ridge to actually get lost. In fact, just the right amount and mix of humans for two French girls to definitely see us peeing off the trail at one point. ‘Murica!

The rest of the week has been filled with work, visits to Wal-Mart, cooking canned beans and untamed rice, afternoon hikes, winning the lottery, quitting our jobs, traveling, realizing we were already doing that while working, begging for our jobs back because we realized we don’t actually play the lottery and instead just scribbled the numbers in crayons on our fridge one day because they look good together and we needed the practice, settling for night shifts at the local bowling alley, and thinking about the fact that if Steve Jobs really named his company Pineapple, their first computer would’ve probably been called Cayenne. That’s right, a pineapple cultivar reference. That’s right, I had to Google that (which did lead me to learn the word “cultivar”). And you thought I wouldn’t follow through with that reference last post.

[theinvinciblenoob]

I admit I was a little reluctant to try this pack out, but in the end it was my favorite of the Chrome bags I tested for TechCrunch Bag Week 2018, perhaps not coincidentally, one of the least Chrome-like. If you’re familiar with Chrome’s bike messenger bag roots, the Pace feels like an abrupt departure, but it’s one you might fall in love with.

Wearing the Pace just feels…. fun? I don’t really know another way to describe it. For one, you can wear it as a tote bag or as a backpack and that is surprisingly liberating.

Plenty of bags, including Chrome’s oversized, industrial-strength packs, feel a bit like readying for a battle when you put them on. With a big pack on, you are no longer a person just shopping for groceries or going to the bookstore, you’re a person with a very serious backpack who is also doing those things. Maybe you’re some kind of hardcore bike person. And whether you are or not, wearing a huge backpack around town can just look like you take yourself very seriously.

The Pace is the opposite of that, while still managing that efficient, industrial thing that Chrome does so well. At 18L, it’s like you barely remembered to grab a bag at all, but here you are with a practical way (two ways!) to carry just the essentials. At first glance, the Pace looks tiny, but for me it comfortably fit a laptop, a 16oz water bottle, various pens, a book, my phone, charging cables and assorted other stuff I compulsively drag around every single day just in case because my anxiety medicine doesn’t work all the way.

Photo via Chrome Industries

The Pace, like the MXD Fathom, its less convertible twin, is tough black pack made from 1680d ballistic nylon and seatbelt-style webbing. The pack has a tote-style top-loading interior that zips up (why don’t all totes zip up?) and two stowaway backpack straps hidden behind a zipper on the back.

The Pace’s two external pockets are super thoughtful and great for a phone and sunglasses and keys or whatever other instant access stuff you need. From my experience, you need to be mindful about making sure those particular zippers are closed all the way around because it’s easy to leave them a little open. The zippers all felt great, though the main top zipper, which I didn’t even close most of the time because i’m living that #hybridbaglife, did snag on the material under it sometimes. It wasn’t hard to get loose, but still worth mentioning since it happened two or three times over five days or so of regular use.

My cat was inexplicably obsessed with the Pace. TechCrunch/Taylor Hatmaker

One complaint I had because I did get so comfortable carrying this pack around is that an optional sternum strap would be nice, even if it’d harsh the vibe a little. The pack is super comfy somehow, in spite of its relative lack of structure, but did slide out toward my shoulders occasionally. This might be because most Chrome stuff is designed for broad dudes doing broad dude stuff, but on the whole the Pace felt like one of the least big dude-centric designs that I’ve ever seen from the company. The Pace’s ability to casually transform into a sturdy little tote bag should be a selling point for women and other smaller-bodied folks who aren’t built like tree trunks.

TechCrunch/Taylor Hatmaker

Aside from carrying my laptop around (one complaint: no padding on the bottom of the laptop sleeve), I mostly used the Pace to haul a small assortment of stuff back and forth at a weeklong event and it performed well all around. I also managed to take it on a short, steep hike and it did just fine, though it’s such a breeze to carry I actually didn’t notice that I wasn’t wearing it, left it at the top of the hike and had to re-hike back up there to get it. It must have been pretty comfortable because forgetting my pack is not a thing that happens to me.

I’m usually a rigid-backed pack person but I actually liked how unstructured this bag is. One night I went out to cover an event and was surprised to realize that the Pace carried my Sony A7S II and a change of lens just fine, distributing its weight and carrying it so well I forgot it was in there. I’m not sure what kind of dark tote bag magic is to thank here, but usually carrying any kind of camera in a non-camera bag makes for an awkward, lumpy experience.

What else? The Pace has some great internal organization pockets, though a few felt redundant enough that I couldn’t ever remember where I’d put my chapstick or my notebook or whatever I was reaching for at the moment, leading me to check the non-mesh internal pocket, the main internal compartment, the outside zippered area and the zip area that the straps tuck back into, which was convenient enough that I accidentally stuck stuff in there a lot.

She’s still doing it. TechCrunch/Taylor Hatmaker

I liked the Pace enough that I’d consider picking up the Fathom just to see what it feels like. There’s something special about this design. The Pace is a clever, lighthearted bag and it genuinely feels fun to carry. If that sounds dumb, then get the hell out of here, why are you reading bag reviews instead of checking your altcoin portfolio or whatever?

The Pace is an excellent casual city bag for when you want to run out the door to do something fun and carefree and mildly edgy, but you don’t want to look too prepared or like you brought your laptop even though you totally did. Like you’re showing up to a music video shoot that you’re not cast in or just want to look casual lowkey famous at brunch. Or like sleeping over at a date’s house but looking like you are playing it very cool and not carrying a change of clothes, a toothbrush and your Kindle. It’s unassuming and cool and might just be my new everyday pack.

What it is: A small tote/backpack hybrid that is very cool and not dorky.

What is isn’t: Capable of hauling many massive, heavy things. Run-of-the-mill.

Read more reviews from TechCrunch Bag Week 2018 here.

Bag Week 2018: Chrome’s Vega Transit Brief makes your work vibe less uncool

Bag Week 2018: Chrome’s BLCKCHRM Bravo 2.0 backpack is a burly, stylish beast

via TechCrunch

[cosmosogler]

i am having PROBLEMS!!!

this morning i did ok, but as the day went on i have been getting more and more restless and agitated. i seem to have endeared myself to some of the staff but i really, really don’t feel prepared for this test. i know only two of us have studied for it but... suzanne told me that about half of the students pass the test on the first try. i joked about getting “a zero or something embarrassing like that” to the staff member that came and visited with us studying in the office and he laughed, but it wasn’t really a joke... 

i left a little late but i did ride the bus to the department. i got there at 10 and made myself comfortable in the lounge for a little bit before suzanne and her little brother alex showed up. alex is super into recycling and waste management. i friended him on facebook and he types like a maniac though. he’s my age but he’s not a major so he just hung out for a little bit while suzanne filled out some notes for his doctor for him i guess.

snoopy has started headbutting me in the hair whenever i bend over to pick stuff up. maybe she can tell how stressed i am and wants to reassure me. i don’t know. i’m glad she feels more comfortable around me at least. she let me brush her chest a little bit today. she didn’t eat as much though. 

i also got my meds refilled. that wasn’t too hard except getting to the health center through the construction was hellish. i studied with suzanne and jennica and ioannis and soham and taylor for most of the day. i didn’t see keegan. i am listing all the physics grads i know here so i can try to start remembering everyone. 

it was exhausting. i liked the lunch i packed and ate most of it... but i guess the difficulty of the material on top of the long hours on top of the stress draining my energy just wiped me out and i felt braindead by 4:30 so i went home. the bus took a half hour to get to the station which was obnoxious, and the bus schedule app doesn’t say which stops go in which direction or which routes go to which stops. just which routes arrive at any particular stop. so i had to memorize the four day routes that go past my apartment complex and the three night routes. that was tiring too.

when i got home i unpacked and got settled in and then made myself a big mac and cheese dinner with some fruit and green machine juice. i also hard boiled some eggs for breakfast- never done that before! it didn’t turn out the best, but i think i might know what to do instead next time. so i will try again tomorrow. i didn’t get sick from the velveeta goop cheese so i’m hoping that means i can handle milk products in general in the future. 

but i was so scatterbrained after dinner that i didn’t get any more studying done. i just couldn’t. i barely remember what i did all evening. i want to sleep for a million years and never take the test. 

it’s hard to take a 12-hour test BEFORE classes start and expect to get anything more than 10%. i was hoping i could work on my test anxiety a little bit beforehand i guess. or get some kind of pep talk? but all the encouragement and “oh i didn’t either”s i’ve gotten from the people around me haven’t helped at all. 

i found out today that i also got a scholarship for 3,000 dollars a year for three years. now that i know the school invested in me (which was apparently kind of risky if i go by what i saw of the graduate adviser yesterday) and then put in extra resources ON TOP of that i feel like i’m going to let everyone down before the semester even begins. 

if i don’t do well on this test... that will be a really bad sign for the future, and it will also mean that i have a ton of work to do if i want to catch up and then, worse, keep up. 

man. i haven’t even considered that i might do *well* on the test. it wasn’t worth the resources to consider. the chances are basically “not going to happen” anyway. i can’t do well on tests. i don’t do well on tests. short tests, long tests, marathon tests. quizzes. the only thing i contribute to group projects is a lot of questions that i have to rely on my teammate to answer, and then i can’t answer any of their questions.

i want so badly to do well. i keep telling myself that. but thinking about it, it seems so likely that i’m going to worry everyone right out of the gate that it feels like i don’t even want to do well any more. and that’s really bothersome. i don’t like that. i want to want to succeed. 

i want to talk to someone about how i’m feeling, but my old friends aren’t really available and my new friends i haven’t put enough time into to really trust them at all yet. and i think if i sat them down and told them how seriously, non-jokingly horrible i feel about the test coming up in 11 hours then i’ll really intimidate them. 

when i interact with these new guys i feel like i’m watching myself say words at them. i can understand the words they say back fine, and i am trying to get to know them. but every time i open my big dumb loud mouth and talk about my goddang feelings i feel like i’m hogging the spotlight. like maybe if i cram in just one more snappy comment they’ll like me more. but the whole time i’m also sitting there in the back of my mind thinking, is this really happening? is it me saying those words? why am i saying them? what will these other people get out of it? 

i wish i had more time, but i know that if i had more time i would spend it all doing nothing anyway. 

i don’t understand why the negative self talk comes back in full force so quickly every time i go a few days without seeing a therapist. am i just not working hard enough? 

maybe i’ve forgotten how to practice. practice anything. i sit and look at stuff and i think and think about it but i don’t do any of the things i think about doing. and i’m an active learner. i know this. i know that if i go out and do stuff a lot i’ll get better at the stuff i do. but i’m so tired, and i just want to die, and if i do nothing for long enough maybe no one will miss me when i do die.

i guess that’s the root of it, huh. being invested in my life is hard, and unpleasant, and i know the world will go on without me. there’s no actual requirement, and if there was, i probably still wouldn’t do it even then. all those connections got chopped off over the years. all the tethers to real life vs the life in my head where i am still enthusiastic about stuff but i never participate in any of it outside of my imagination. at this point i may as well just literally be a brain in a jar with a nonstop receipt style printout of nonsense words. 

i keep recognizing the problem in new ways but i still haven’t done anything about it. or maybe i do things about it and then stop and forget about it until i rediscover the problem, and hope that using this NEW metaphor will finally get me moving!!! if all the pieces fall into place, then the effort just happens, right? if i can move the information around enough then new things will happen, right? i don’t have to do anything for things to happen, right???

no willpower at all. i used to be so stubborn. now i’m just stubbornly nothing.

it’s... hard, to exert my will in life. it’s hard because i know that saying “no” doesn’t actually mean anything. people won’t stop if THEY don’t want to, because what they want is more important to them than what i want and there’s no way i can actually stop them from doing what i told them not to do. crying, making a fuss, fighting back, calling for help, none of it actually does anything. people won’t help if they don’t want to help. you just sit there in the dark screaming forever and no one comes because there is no one TO come.

i hate that that also applies to me.

i screamed a lot in my nightmares as a kid but i’m a silent sleeper i guess. people don’t wake me up from nightmares. i don’t really call for help even in my dreams any more.

how do you not kill yourself after living like that? after learning that about the world? your own parents don’t stop hurting you because they don’t feel like stopping? your best “friend” won’t stop hurting you because he doesn’t feel like it? your friends won’t help you or even believe you even when it happens right in front of them because they don’t feel like it?

i guess the only reason i haven’t killed myself at this point is because that would require actually doing something. there’s a certain unreality to the idea, like “i can’t actually do that, it wouldn’t happen that way” when i think about it, the same feeling i get when i think about anything. graduating. HAVING LITERALLY GRADUATED ALREADY, WITH A DEGREE. working a real job. meeting people and caring about them. making meals, which i do every day despite being surprised at finding myself in the kitchen every time. 

sleeping.

hmm. this might be more urgent than i thought it was. maybe i should call the counseling center during my lunch break tomorrow (between the two sections of test) and see if i can get a quick appointment. not sure when i’d go in this week because of the test, but i only have three hours of class a day this semester. next week could be fine.

making phone calls is weird too but i guess at this point i’m completely uninvested in what’s happening so it’s easier than it used to be. 

ok. pep talk. even if i do get a 0 on the test, i am already enrolled. it would be weird to kick me out, even if i will get a lot of worried looks. if i put in the work, and use my resources, and put myself in a position to succeed, all i gotta do is work hard to succeed. so all i gotta do here, besides *actually practice my field,* is learn how to be invested again. i’ve been invested before. maybe it’s like learning to walk again. 

in my experience, doing more things than i have energy for, but not so many things that i get burnt out, actually gives me more energy. kind of like working out. if i push myself (but not break myself), and keep myself healthy, then maybe i can learn how to throw myself at a problem in a way that will actually solve it.

is that an ok pep talk? i wanted to try to end on a positive note. finding bad thoughts and replacing them with more realistic ideas is how you train your brain to think in a less self-destructive way. and it’s easier to sleep when i’m pumped up than it is when i want to cry.