#but in an hour ill do it and see how they behave haha

[windydrawallday]

🍬🎃🍬🎃🍬🎃

"Would you let this cute face leave with some extra sweets?"

HAPPY HALLOWEEN!!! (or Samhain to fellow witches that celebrate the Wheel). This is the LAST entry of Corny's "October Activities" I'm sharing for the year... I can't believe I managed to do them in time... this month felt quite long for me and even if currently I'm dealing with sickness, I want to have fun all that lasts the night (even the next day: I generate the 1st of November as much as the 31 of October).

Here I'll put all the Entries I made before: all of them traditional watercolors with bits of digital touches here and there 🧡🧡🧡

[01 Jumping on Autumn Leaves]

[02 Pretending to be Halloween Decoration]

[03 Moon Watching]

[04 Caring for Black Cats]

[05 Cooking Potion Making]

[06 Trick or Treat-ting (You are Here!)]

[lizzieislife94x]

Thats Not Milk Honey (w.m)

WandaxGip Reader

This just came to me also by the time I post this it will be my birthday don't ask how old I am because I'm old asf anyway as always requests are open but I do have a few part 2s and requests to do but will do them after my birthday because I wanted to take a little break 😇 (its not my bday this was last year haha)

Y/ns POV:

"Mhhh good morning baby" I say with a raspy voice as my eyes flutter open to the sight of my wife kissing my jaw "morning baby listen" she whispers looking up at me climbing ontop of my stomach "we had a full night sleep without Emma waking up" I smile and rub her arms "and you spoke to soon someone's hungry, you prepare her breakfast ill grab her" wanda giggles as she takes her tshirt off and I get up walking over to the baby "hey princess did you get a full night sleep look at those big smiles, come see mama and we'll get you some milk" I say smiling as I pick our daughter up holding her close leaving gentle kisses over her head as I turn to see wanda with a huge a smile on her face "this right here is perfect you two are my world" I blush and hand the baby over as my eyes linger on her boobs "booooobieeeessss" I say with a huge smile causing wanda to laugh "youre such a child, can you go make me coffee please honey" I lean over and kiss her gently "of course my love" I walk out of the bedroom and head to the kitchen to make us both coffee.

4 hours later.

"Baby are you ready" I yell to wanda as I sit impatient god I'm so hungry "yeah just finishing pumping some milk for when we're out and a bottle for when we get back ill be 2 minutes" after what seems like forever she walks out in a gorgeous skin tight black dress holding Emma she smiles at the Babysitter "she's due a bottle in 3 hours I've pumped plenty it's in the fridge we should be back just after her next feed and thank you again for doing tonight on such short notice" she smiles as I wrap my arms around wanda "please help yourself to anything food, tv make yourself at home" I say with a smile as we bid our goodbyes it takes us 20 minutes to arrive at the restaurant I quickly jump out and open wandas door "there you go baby" she smiles and takes my arm leaving a delicate kiss on my cheek sending fireworks throughout my body we head inside and get seated I can't help but stare and admire her with a cheesy grin on my face she takes hold of both my hands looking back at me smiling "I love you so much how did I get this lucky, I'm so glad you took a chance on me babygirl" I say as I raise her hands to my lips leaving delicate kisses making her giggle "from the moment I saw you kicking ass defending someone who couldn't defend themselves I knew you where special you stole my heart that day honey and I'm glad because now I have the sexiest wife and the most adorable baby and I wouldn't have it any other way" I feel my heart glowing at her words blushing like a fool as our food is placed infront of us we spend the evening laughing and talking about our past memories and future memories to come while enjoying eachothers company I look at the time and notice its 10pm "come on honey we better get home and let the poor Babysitter go home" I say with a laugh as I raise my hand for the check after I pay we get up and head out to the car we enjoyed a peaceful car ride home with my hand resting on wandas thigh gently squeezing every now and again once we pull up to our house I get out and open her door as she smiles wrapping her arms around me kissing me passionately after a few seconds I pull away smiling "behave baby you know I'll bend you over this car if you don't and if we didn't need to let the Babysitter go home I would" she bites her lip smirking as we head inside giggling "you guys seem to have had a goodnight" the Babysitter says laughing and we agree "thank you so much for tonight" I pull out 200$ and hand her it as she looks at it in disbelief "it's only 50 for a night this is to much" I smile and place my hand on her shoulder "you helped us have a few hours alone take it go do something fun with friends thank you so much for tonight " we bid our goodbyes as wanda heads upstairs to get changed and I walk into the kitchen and grab a bottle of milk filling the cup before turning to get some cookies as wanda walks in smiling "thank you for tonight my love I had so much fun" I smile and wrap my arms around her waist kissing her forehead "you needed a few hours away from our darling daughter" I say laughing I pull away and take a big gulp of milk and freeze as wanda looks at me concerned "baby what's wrong" I smack my lips a few times "there's something wrong with the milk" she takes the cup and smells it before bursting out laughing "what oh god did I drink out of date milk it didn't taste bad just different do I need to go to the hospital" I say panicking as she continues to laugh walking over to me placing her hand on my cheek "that's not milk honey its my breast milk you just drank your daughters spare food" I look at her relief washing over my face "that's breastmilk It tastes good" she wraps her arms around my neck giggling "god youre something else y/n"

I smirk as an idea pops into my head "you know the milk was tasty and you know how much I love your boobs" she looks at me with a raised brow "use your words baby" she says a smirk appearing on her lips "well I think I should take you upstairs take these cute little pj's off so I can suck on these" I say gently cupping her boobs my thumbs teasing her sensitive nipples as a moan slips past her lips "then ill fuck you so good the only words falling from your lips will be my name and moans" I feel her grip on my waist tighten and smirk "fuck let's go before Emma wakes up" she pulls me up to the bedroom as she starts to undress me making me laugh a little "someone's needy" she gives me a look telling me to shut up and I do before I know it im naked with my dick standing to attention and wandas hand wrapped around my member pumping her hand up and down as she attacks my neck sucking and biting I can't help but moan as I push her shorts down and pull away as she steps out of them "top off..now I want to see them tits" I say as lust takes over we've not been able to fuck since the baby was born we've only managed to get eachother off quickly but tonight I'm gonna make her cream all over my dick "mmh fuck yes look at those perfect tits"

I moan as we fall onto the bed giggling I instantly latch my lips around her right nipple as she let's out a moan "fuck y/n" I grin and start to suck her nipple as the milk flows into my mouth as I hum at the taste making wanda moan and grip my hair pushing me closer to her I move my hand between her thighs and quickly find her soaking entrance as I sink 2 fingers inside her "yes fuck me yess" she cries out as I continue to suck her milk and thrust my fingers faster curling them at the spot I know sends her wild I quickly let go of her right nipple and switch to the left sucking as her milk fills my mouth I feel her walls tighten around my fingers my dick throbbing harder than ever as I suck my wife's milk "baby I uh fuckk don't...stop I'm I'm fuckkkk I'm cumming" she screams as her juices flow down my fingers and hand making me smirk I slow my thrusts allowing her to ride out her orgasm as her chest rises and falls rapidly I pull away from her nipple and smash my lips to hers as she moans into my mouth at her taste the kiss is full of passion and lust both of us needing the same thing "im gonna make you cum so many times baby we've got alot of time to make up for" I mumble against her lips as she looks at me "yes we do now hurry baby I need to feel you deep inside me ruin my pussy fuck i need to feel your cum filling me" she says still breathing rapidly I smirk and get up on my knees and flip her pulling her ass up in the air biting my lip at the sight I quickly grab my dick and rub it through her dripping folds lubing myself up as my left hand rubs her ass her moans are fucking music to my ears I can't help but groan at the feeling I slowly start to sink inside her savouring the feeling of her tight warm cunt both of us moaning "fuck baby so fucking tight" I moan as I grip her waist and I sink all 8 inches inside her and give her a second to adjust "fu..so big baby" she pants as I start to thrust at a steady pace her walls gripping my member tightly the sounds of her wet pussy and our skin slapping against eachother is all that's heard as i start to thrust faster and harder the only sounds are  our moans I continue to fuck wanda as she cums all over my cock I smirk and look down as I thrust harder deeper my pace becoming brutal as i look at her cum running down her thighs the sight making me moan "mmmh fuck baby youre doing so well you take me so well I've missed your tight little cunt wrapped around me" I gron as her words make no sense all she can muster is whimpers and moans I feel my own high coming in quick as I increase my thurst speed chasing my own high after a few more thrusts I slam deep inside her cunt and fill her with my seed both of us moaning loudly as another orgasm washes over her her whole body shaking beneath me.

3 hours later 

"Yes yes yes oh my fucking god fuckk" she screams as she bounces up and down on my dick my hands roaming her body squeezing her sensitive nipples milk leaking out turning me on more I start to meet her thrusts both of us getting sloppy "come..on baby youre doing so well give me one more ride my dick just like that honey" I encourage her as I suck her nipple her eyes roll along with mine as her milk flows down my throat, as she continues to chase her high I continue sucking her nipples draining as much milk as I can while fucking her both of our thrusts working in perfect sync "fuck I'm gonna cum" I moan against her nipple, as she bounces faster desperately wanting me to fill her, I unload my cum deep inside her for 8th time tonight as she cums all over my cock for the 12th both of us fall back panting and sweaty as she lays ontop of me with me still inside her both our breathing are erratic as I rub her back after a few minutes I feel her breathing calm on my chest "baby let's get you cleaned up" when I get no reply I smile and kiss her cheek "sleep tight beautiful I love you" I wrap my arms around her gently fixing us into a comfortable position my dick still very much buried in her pussy, i cuddle close as I close my eyes and fall asleep in my wife's arms.

AN: so again this was supposed to be wrote and posted yesterday but I was busy all day haha I hope yall enjoy it all feedback is welcome as always hope your all having a wonderful day 😊 I need to work out what one shots are having a part 2 ect and ill get them done then ill do the couple of requests I have 😘 word count 2.2k

[haecien]

Prankster — Y.JH | warnings - cursing, kissing

I found this cool prompt generator for ships! If ya want the link its here ;D

2/ 13

Link to the masterlist!

Pt. 2 Yoon Jeonghan

Yoon Jeonghan, how do I even begin to explain this prankster? You don't even know what is up his sleeve this time, he pulls the most predictable pranks but I always keep falling for them.

He always pulled some type of prank on the teachers every week, I'm surprised that he isn't suspended yet. " hey psst y/n. " I looked behind me to see jeonghan, I rolled my eyes at him and replied " Yeah? What do you need this time. "

He scratched the back of his head looking a bit embarrassed " Well... you know the scary teacher who's always on my back right? " I nodded my head " Yeah?... where are you going with this. " jeonghan took a deep breath

" Can you stick arround with me, I got introuble with her and I need to actually act like I've changed... maybe if in hang out with you more she would think I got more behaved? "

you felt sick of even having the thought of being seen arround him, but he seemed really genuine this time, he looked at you for a while with a sad expressed. You sighed and given into him " Fine, but on ONE condition. If you pull another one of your pranks again im ditching you. " he let out a slight giggle

" Can't promise that, ill try though " a sly smile spread across his face, you don't know whats wrong with you. You HATE him, but why are you getting so soft with him? Haha, love is werid isn't it?

A few weeks passed by and you realized he wasn't all THAT bad, sure he was a bit mischievous and a bit of a prankster but he was genuinly nice and made you laugh sometimes.

" Hey y/n, I got us some drinks from the cafeteria! You want one? " before I could even reply he cut me of " No? Okay ill have it all to myself! " " YOON JEONGHAN! " you flicked his forehead and grabbed the other drink from his hand " Oww! " he said playfully as you both laughed it off

" Ah, fuck I have to study for a test, Sorry I have to go " you felt a bit sad that you had to part ways so early, you grabbed onto his arm. " Isnt it Chemistry that you need to study for? I can help you. " you felt a little flustered when his eyes light up, he looked so happy and he quickly got out his notebook from his bag

" Whats taking you so long! Let's start! "

You both studied for hours, it was becoming late and your eyes became heavier and heavier by the second. You constantly kept yawning, Jeonghan asked if you wanted to stop but you insisted it was okay, " So, were done with Ionic and Molecular Compounds. Tell me whats the difference? ... " Jeonghan flipped through his notes and started to read out what he wrote

His voice sounded so calming and soft, eventually you dozed off into a deep slumber. Jeonghan got a bit startled and thought you had died on the spot but he placed you on his lap and didn't even move a single inch, he tucked a lock of your hair behind your ear and looked at you with a smile on his face. He gave you a little peck on the forehead,

" Its sad that you won't be able to know what I'm about to say, the truth is. I lied about everything, I just wanted your attention to myself. "

Eventually you woke up to see you lying down on his lap, you looked up and saw that he had fallen asleep too. You were flustered and got up, God how long were you out for? You began to start cleaning up your stuff and placed them into there proper places

" Goodmorning to you angel. "

" Angel? What kind of nickname is that. " " The type of nickname that I gave to the person I like. "

"... Fuck you, Yoon Jeonghan. "

Cien rambles

I was giggling while writing this HAHAHA, our gentle sexy is up next👀 GOD this is so much fun to write i love it!!! Also wow I got 7 followers:D thank you so much❣❣

[oriigirii]

Streamer MC headcannons with the brothers 💞

"You were quite a known face on social media back in the human realm, playing games, doing unboxings, just vibin in general, fans around the globe looked forward to your streams a lot! However, considering the sudden (unannounced) invitation to the exchange program, you had to leave all of that behind out of the blue. It wasn't as bad at first, but you have to admit you do miss the feeling of being able to do goofy shit online. Luckily for you, with the advance technology of Devildom and some spicy magic, the internet had synced with the human realm, and thats when you decided to finally re-enter the streaming scene. How will the brothers react upon seeing your peculiar past time?"

Head empty, No thoughts aside from the brothers just bothering the MC while they stream so here you go haha

Warnings: None, just crackhead energy and a lotta mispellings

Gender: Neutral!

Hotel: Trivago

* [ ಠ╭╮ಠ ] Lucifer *

{How did he know about your career?}

I honestly don't see him as someone who goes on the internet a lot

(He screams boomer to me, change my mind)

He doesn't have the time either, he's too focused on work!

So him finding out is gonna take a while

But! He did find out the hard way when shrilled screaming was heard from your room when he was passing by with some paper stacks in his arms (courtesy of Diavolo)

This man felt his instincts kick in, he ran as fast as he could, papers forgotten, and he immediately slammed your door open. Splinters scattering around, your door definitely damaged, as his eyes held a glare and his demon form was out, wings spread in a threatening display.

He was ready to beat someone's ass as he had thought someone had hurt you in here.

But all hes met with is you, infront of your chair and PC, and a game over on the screen...

To say he was unamused was an understatement cause you just lost your internet priviliges for giving him a heart attack (He said it was because you were being rowdy and noisy but with what you saw you knew that wasn't the case)

Good luck tryna puppy-eye your way to his heart to let you continue streaming lol.

If by some miracle you managed to wriggle your rights back from his hands, he'd warn you not to be so loud next time.

You already learnt your lesson though~ (Hopefully)

{How does he feel about your streams?}

Not everyone's the same, so if you were the shy soft streamer who does more art streams or something akin to a podcast, you can bet that Lucifer will be putting you on while he works, he kinda knows your streaming schedule at this point and if you were running late, he'd force one of his brothers to take over your dish washing duties or any chores you were stuck with

If you were the loud obnoxious meme type, hed still try to watch out of curiosity, and as much as he appreciates that you were getting comfortable here in Devildom with how you laugh and joke around, he still can't approve of it. Its too loud, its much like his brothers energy and he has enough of that already, so he probably doesn't watch as much.

He has countlessly came to your room to shush you and at this point your fans had made a compilation of each time Lucifer had barged in to tell you off

Look he likes it when you scream, but not when hes in the middle of work okay--

At this point, chat has deemed Lucifer as dad and you as their mom/dad.

If he ever catches wind of this he'd definitely be teasing you in private for centuries to come.

Overall fine with it, as long as don't do something stupid on stream.

* ᕕ( ᐛ )ᕗ Mammon*

{How did he know about your career?}

I would say he found out by him crashing into your streams midway but that's too predictable, hence why you've Mammon-proofed your bedroom during streaming hours!

Thanks to our wizard daddy, you have managed to cast a simple lock spell on your door and as well as a sound proofing

You love your broke idiot, but you did wanna keep the tone of your stream today a bit more chill, you wanted to have a proper Q&A with your fans to hopefully clear any bad vibes around your 3 month disappearance.

When Mammon has learnt your door was locked he definitely was a bit pissy, he knocked on your door loudly even and was calling out for you to let him in, but to no avail.

Bro he's scared.

He usually was allowed to enter, and you usually answered if you did need to be left alone for a bit, so just leaving him hanging got his mind racing and he had to press up his ear on the wooden door to try and hear if you were okay

When this continues on he finally resorts to getting help, but the only one in the house ws Levi, so he kicks down HIS door.

Levi boutta summon Lotan for interrupting him honestly

But as Mammon exclaim you weren't answering and he worried for your wellbeing, Levi rolls his eyes and scoffs,

"Idiot Mammon, they're streaming don't bother them…"

Streaming? why didn't you tell him???

Rude much.

He did huff and now was forcing his way to use Levi's PC for a moment

Can Levi stop him?

Nah.

He was busy on his console, and if he stood up now hed be breaking his world record so he was at a terrible state so he just resorts to threats of him drowning the Avatar of Greed if he does anything stupid on his PC.

He immediately logs in to your streaming platform and he watches for a bit,

You were more dolled up now just to look decent on stream, and he felt this jealousy rise as you interact with your chat, especially to those saying I love you's and stuff, and you even said it back? the audacity! You were his werent you? Were you replacing him with these nobodies?

He huffs as he realized that those who paid got their message highlighted, and thus, he starts donating. (Mind you this was Levi's account...)

"Mcccccc Open the dooorrr"

"Ill behave i promiseeeee"

"Cmon pleaseeee?"

Chat is c o n f u s i o n

NGL, they thought Mammon was a creepy stalker and red flags were being waved everywhere

but as chat was pondering who the hell he was, you can only sigh and look at the camera with that unamused expression, but ugh! you just KNOW hes doing that kicked puppy expression of his, and maybe it really wont be so bad

So you snap your fingers and say, "Okay MonMon, its open, Im giving you 3 seconds"

Mammon wasnt deemed to be the fastest out of his brothers for nothing

As soon as you got to '2', you were already tackled by the white haired male and chat went wild.

Now that you've shown your life in Devildom, maybe its time to introduce chat to your boyfriend no?

{How does he feel about your streams?}

You get paid to sit infront of a camera, do I have to say anything else?

But really though, as much as he enjoys the thought of getting so much cash from something so simple, he prefers the joy of being able to proudly exclaim that he was your first man!

ohhhh he thrives on the salt of your overly attached stans

but for those who fully support you, he always feels so mushy and shy when they say the ship you guys so hard

The fanarts has him WEAK (he may or may not have saved a few)

You usually do streams alone, but now you've allowed the door to be left open to let Mammon join whenever

Chat pogs when he enters with so much confidence, only for it to crumble when you kiss his cheek on stream.

Overall finds it fun to spend time with you, but just dont play scary games cause Lucifer might hang him upside down on stream.

* ▘▂▝ Leviathan*

{How did he know about your career?}

He is honestly the most attached to his D.D.D and he catches wind of almost anything going down in the internet, so your 'revival' being hyped up was something he definitely saw and he was just s wo o o ned

His Henry 2.0? a famous streamer?

Were you truly a blessing gifted upon him or was he dreaming?

He definitely didn't bring it up at first as he didn't wanna make it a big deal, but you notice hes been more in his head lately, and you have tried asking him what it was but to no avail.

You have to corner this little snake if you want answers and he eventually admits that he knew of your persona online and was incredibly shy to ask you to stream with him

He's a streamer himself afterall but maybe he doesnt stream as much as you do nor does he have as large of a following, so his intrusive thoughts attacked him and made him think that maybe since he wasnt as famous he didnt deserve to be in the same stream as you

Please tell him to join you and gib him kiss U3U

He'll absolutely m e l t

But now, as you make the announcement to your viewers and Levi to his, the internet explodes as a special collab stream was hapening between the expert gamer and avatar of envy of Devildom along with the beloved exchange student and streamer of the human realm

Your usual viewers reach between 10-15k, but as you start stream, that number boosts higher and beyond

Before streaming though, Levi was incredibly nervous, he'd picked the games for you to play that he knew you would enjoy with him, but his mind kept racing about whatthe fans thought, he didnt wanna disappoint them

But you had to remind him that whatever they say will not matter in the end as this was merely for fun, this was YOUR stream and you guys were gonna do what you want and nobody can have a say on it. (Maybe except Lucifer)

You usually talk for him with your bubbly personality, and to calm his nerves, he hs your pinky wraped around his where the camera can't see it.

Regardless, his thoughts subsided as you two delve into your stream that lasted a solid 7 hours, you definitely promised your chat that you and Levi will be doing more streams together from now on.

Once the cameras cut and yall are left alone, Both of you collapse on bed, and despite you being asleep already, Levi was just far too giddy as everything dwells on him.

Having a player 2 by his side now had never felt so intoxicating and he as just so lucky to have you.

{How does he feel about your streams?}

He obviously adores it, although some streams he wouldnt join just so he can play games on his own

He's still an introvert afterall, he needs his alone time

But he prefers that alone time with you, his Henry.

So when youre about to go stream, he kinda becomes a bit pouty, but with a simple promise of kisses (and maybe even more if youd like) he would let you go, but his attention would disappear from his game altogether.

He might just end up watching you instead

May or may not, at some point, just chat you and ask if its too late to join you

You do allow him to join you and play from the comforts of his room as both of you can simply play via internet, you give him the comfort to not turn on his mic or webcam either and you have no idea how he appreciates that.

Will definitely fight someone online when they start claiming you as theirs (-cough- stans) Please make sure it doesnt escalate to him summoning Lotan

Although the comments would often get to him, and as much as he can fight them online, he still does find himself pondering if they were true, so you need to give him a lotta lovin and reminder that he is your player 1 and no one else can ever fill that place.

------

Wow 3 brothers this time, what an improvement, anyways hope yall enjoy! I think its pretty clear who I simp for depending o nthe length of each lol, but do let me know if you guys want a part 2 for the rest of the brothers, or even the undateables!

[kanri-tea]

Fem! Jakurai

A take on a female Jakurai in the world of Hypnosis Mic

"I don't know who you are, but thank you for rescuing us," Jakurai bowed, thanking their mysterious savior. Next to her, she hears Yotsutsuji's flustered thanks.

"T-thank you from me as well!"

"Haha! It was nothing! It's a pleasure to meetcha! ☆I'm Amemura Ramuda," the pink-haired boy cheerfully introduced himself, "And you're Jinguuji Jakurai and Yotsutsuji!"

"...How do you know our names?"

"Hmm~ How should I explain...? I'll tell you after you check on all those wounded folks! ☆"

Jakurai felt conflicted, on one hand, she definitely wanted to make sure none of them were seriously wounded, on the other, this Amemura Ramuda might actually prove to be dangerous to both her and Yotsutsuji. Taking a deep breath, she reasoned to herself that this wasn't the underworld, trust had to be given to be proved after all.

"May I ask you one thing, Amemura?"

"Whatcha got~?"

"...Will you teach me how to rap?"

"Sure thing! ☆ You're definitely going to be a great MC!"

"Aah.. but..."

"Hmm~?"

"Aren't MCs something that Chuouku assigned to men?"

"Ye~ah?"

"...Amemura, I'm a woman."

"...Eh?"

When she was in middle school, her school had sent her the wrong uniform, but she simply shrugged it off and requested for the right one.

When the military accidentally marked her off as the wrong gender, she simply sighed and had it fixed.

When the Party of Words took over the government, she took note of it and moved on, after all, it had nothing to do with her. So why exactly was she being pushed into all this Hypnosis Microphone nonsense? It was a men's only thing, wasn't it?!

Jakurai sighed, staring into the mirror as if it had all the answers to life.

Tall and slender (although leaning towards underweight), she felt that her body wasn't that bad. Cupping her breasts she wondered if maybe they were too small. Having a B cup wasn't too bad, Jakurai thought to herself.

Maybe it was because of her unnatural height, after all, how many other women could claim to be an amazing 195 cm?

Jakurai cursed her genetics once again for making her so tall and 'masculine.' When she had asked Ramuda to teach her how to rap, she hadn't thought too much of it, after all, hypnosis microphones were pretty common nowadays. It was always better to be safe then sorry.

Even when Ramuda knew of her past of being Ill-Doc, he somehow had still thought that she was a man. God, this was her curse in life, wasn't it? Cursed to be never be able to get a date and constantly be mistaken for a man.

"Sensei!"

"A-ah, I'll be out in a second, Ichiro!"

Curse Ramuda and his constant need for chaos. Curse Ichiro and his innocent puppy eyes that Jakurai refuses to admit to be weak to.

Sulking slightly, she started to put on one of the many dresses that Ramuda chose for her to try. Honestly, it wasn't a big deal that she rarely wore anything but her black turtleneck, jeans, and lab coat. They were comfortable and practical.

Of course, the others (*coughcough*Ramuda*coughcough*Ichiro*coughcough*) vehemently disagreed. Which then turned into a wardrobe overhaul and shopping trip in Shibuya of all things.

Resigning herself to playing dress-up doll for the next couple of hours, Jakurai stepped out of the dressing room.

"Ooh! Huh, I guess sensei really is a lady."

Jakurai felt the urge to slap someone over the head, namely Ichiro hard.

"...Excuse me."

Ichiro stuttered, backtracking and realizing what exactly he just said, "I- I mean, you usually don't, y'know, uhhh..."

As Ichiro descended into mumbles, Ramuda laughed, fully in his element of chaos and destruction.

At least one of us is having fun, Jakurai couldn't help but think uncharitably, feeling rather self-conscious. There was a good reason she rarely wore feminine clothing, and it wasn't just because it was difficult for her to find anything her size (though it played a large part of it.)

"It, uh, it looks good on you, sensei," she turns, startled, having forgotten about Samatoki.

He's blushing, which is, on one hand, is rather adorable, but on the other, she really hopes that he's blushing from embarrassment and not a crush.

"Thank you," Jakurai smiles slightly, wishing to be out of the dress and back into her usual outfit.

Was it too late to run away?

"So I guess we're a team."

"Yup~! ☆"

Jakurai tilted her head, a small smile on her lips. A team, huh. She supposed it was time to say goodbye to Kujaku Posse.

"It'll be us four against everyone else! We'll be the best!"

She listens to Ichiro's exuberant yelling and Samatoki's curses that follow soon after. Nearby, she watches Ramuda cheerfully egg on the two, mixing in his own brand of chaos and calamity into the fold.

Chuckling, a though pops into her head.

"We never did figure out if I was allowed to participate in the rap battles, did we, Ramuda?"

"No~pe!"

"Huh?"

"What are you talking about?"

Watching at the visible confusion on both Ichiro and Samatoki's faces, Jakurai sighed. Oh dear.

"I'm a woman, but the rap battles are a men's only event," she gently reminds the two, or rather inform them. Honestly, she might be extremely tall, but her voice and chest should've at least hinted that she wasn't a man.

Observing the startled faces of her new teammates, she wondered if she was going to have to wear a badge or something to indicate that, no, no she was not a man.

"EHHHHHH?!!"

If this was an indication of how this team was going to be, Jakurai thought to herself as Ramuda laughed himself silly, then God, please give me patience. A lot of patience.

"Ooh, is Jakurai going on a date? You look super pretty in that dress! ☆"

"Ah, well it's been a while," Jakurai hummed, "so I thought I'd put a little extra effort today."

Having styled her hair into a waterfall braid and applied a bit of makeup, Jakurai felt that she looked pretty good. Twirling around, she teasingly asked for Ramuda's approval.

"Definitely a ten out of ten~!"

Out of the corner of her eye, she spots Ichiro and Samatoki huddled together. Shaking her head, she laughs at Ramuda's praise and elects to ignore whatever Ichiro and Samatoki were planning. It probably wasn't going to be good for her stress levels anyways.

"Alright, I'm heading out now. Don't make a mess of my apartment, children," Jakurai calls out, receiving eye-rolls in return and mumbled promises of behaving.

Heading towards the cafe where her blind date was, Jakurai couldn't help but feel a bit suspicious. They're all adults, or well at least close to adults, she reasoned to herself. They're not going to do something stupid she hoped.

"Hi, you're Jakurai, right?"

Startled, Jakurai flinched, not having realized that she had already reached her destination. Politely smiling, she nodded her head towards the man.

"I apologize for not paying attention," she began, "Jinguuji Jakurai. It's nice to meet you."

Settling down, Jakurai felt that her date was probably going to be okay. Neither of them really had anything in common, but he wasn't a bad conversationalist.

"- pretty cool person, Jakurai. But, wow, I really didn't expect you to look so much like a man."

What.

"-and if you wore makeup and got bigger breasts, you'd look really hot, like model-levels of hot, y'know like-"

Jakurai felt her hands twitch. God, this was why she almost never went on dates, especially blind dates. Doing her best to be as polite as possible, she tried to excuse herself.

"Excuse me, I-"

"Oi."

Turning her head, she came face-to-face with Samatoki. Wait. Why was Samatoki here? And with Ichiro and Ramuda too, to boot. How did they even know where she was?

"Hi, sensei!"

"Jakurai! What a cool coincidence to see you~! ☆"

"Samatoki! Ichiro! Ramuda! What are you-"

Behind them, she hears her date spluttering indignantly. Good.

"He~ey, Jakurai, I saw this super duper cool candy store a couple of streets down," Ramuda giggles, it's not a nice one, Jakurai notes, and the gleam in his eyes as he pulls her away from the table is downright vicious.

"H-huh? Ramuda!"

"We're off~! ☆ Ichiro, Samatoki, have fun!"

"Yeah, yeah."

"See you later, sensei!"

Hesitantly, she glanced at her date who was currently trembling and sweating in fear, and then towards the rest of the TDD. Shaking her head, she let herself be pulled by Ramuda.

I can take care of myself, she wants to say, why are trying to protect me, she wants to ask.

Instead, she tosses out a "don't hurt him too much" before walking next to Ramuda.

She hears the screams of terror behind her and a part of her wants to go back, wants to help even the ones who desire to hurt her.

"Ne, Jakurai, you doctors are always helping so many people," she hears Ramuda humming, "but, y'know, sometimes doctors should let others help them too~!"

"...pfft-!"

She's crouching, Jakurai realizes halfheartedly, and her vision is blurred.

"Haha, Ramuda, what are you even talking about," she laughs as tears obscure her sight, "I'm not a damsel in distress."

"Nope! But it's nice to see you as a lady sometimes. You're much better than this annoying onee-san that calls me all the time!"

"...Better enough that you don't have to pretend with me?"

"Hmm~ Who knows!"

She feels Ramuda's arms around her shoulders. It's a comforting feeling, and she can't help but feel guilty. For her to feel happy while having so many sins still weighing upon her shoulders.

She hears footsteps approaching them and looks up to see Samatoki and Ichiro. They're sweaty and out of breath, but the bloodthirsty grins and bright eyes tell her everything she needs to know.

"Sensei!"

Around her are the TDD, and she can't help but feel content and happy. The dark feelings of self-doubt are clawing at her again. Was she allowed to be happy? After causing so much death, so much pain, was it okay for her to-

No.

Jakurai forces those feeling down, forces them into a box for now. Right now, she basks in the warmth that the others provide.

She can't help but love Ramuda, can't help but love Samatoki, can't help but love Ichiro. They're her precious boys, her friends.

It's a nice feeling.

Very few good things last, and the TDD ends up being one of the many that fail, and it h u r t s.

It's been several months since Yotsutsuji fell into a coma, several months since that fateful email.

Suddenly, Jakurai couldn't help but feel all her thirty-something years weighing down on her shoulders. God, she was getting old.

I guess, she bitterly thinks, I was simply the fool for believing that we would last.

Nothing ever lasted. Not family. Not Hitoya. Not even the TDD.

Pulling herself together, she prepared to close her clinic for the night. It was getting late after all.

Knock. Knock.

Who-?

"Samatoki?"

"Hey, sorry to bother," she watches Samatoki stumble into her clinic, his shirt red with blood.

Body on autopilot, she tends to his injuries. The silence between them is oppressing. What was there to say, she wondered, but a small part of her was glad that even though they've all gone their separate ways, Samatoki still trusts her to treat his injuries.

"...Thanks."

She smiles, it's not quite as warm and as fond as it used to be, but she manages. She asks how he's doing, how Nemu is, asks him to take care, to not aggravate his injuries.

Samatoki grunts and shrugs off her questions, is ready to leave before she hears a soft, "Do you regret it?"

I don't know, she thinks; yes, she wants to say.

Instead, she tells a half-truth, half-lie.

"No, our time in the TDD means a lot to me, but I believe it is time for us to move on."

She sees the hurt that roles off of Samatoki in waves, sees how badly the younger man is taking the separation and a large part of her wants to hug him, to tell him that everything will be okay even if she doesn't believe it.

When he leaves, Jakurai can't help but think of Yotsutsuji and his discovery that made Ramuda want him dead, can't help but think of Ichiro and his resolve to raise his siblings himself, can't help but think of Ramuda and what they had.

Can't help but think of what-ifs.

In another life, would things have turned out differently?

[conaionaru]

Honor and Blood (Ivar the Boneless)

A greedy Fool

Synopsis: Vanya is now eight months pregnant and Silas finally arrives. He is in for a big surprise.

Warning: Ivar, angst, toxic family, manipulation, mentions of murder

Tags: 

@youbloodymadgenius @xbellaxcarolinax  @didiintheblog @lol-haha-joke @queenbeeta @heavenly1927 @shannygoatgruff​

P.S. Anything in cursive is Old Norse. Anything in bold and cursive is a memory. 

I am trying to give Silas some form of motive and personality, hopefully it fits. I want him to be more than a villain, that’s there to create drama. He is a jerk (asshole, dick,..), but let him be a deep one. 

I don’t own the gifs. Also, thank you for your support. I really appreciate it. If you want to be tagged please write me<3 

Ever since the sacrifice to Freyja, Vanya had no dreams of Silas or the stranger. If it was thanks to the goddess or her newfound courage, Vanya had no clue. But she didn't care either way. She was no eight months pregnant and more pressing matter to worry about then why she is finally getting sleep.

A fisherman spotted ships on the horizon bearing the red sun of Slegia. Which meant Silas is nearly here, so she must be ready. Brynja and Margrethe helped Vanya dress and did her hair to greet her brother at the shore. "The pink one or the red one?"

"Pink." Margrethe nodded at the order and laid the dress out on Ivar's and Vanya's bed as Brynja helped her out of her sleeping gown. Ivar was already in the Great Hall talking to his brothers and mother about the precautions against Silas. 

Vanya stared out of the window of their chambers to watch people pass by in a hurry. She exhaled loudly and stood up from the chair with great difficulty. Nowadays, the ginger needed help getting up and rested her legs a lot. Sigurd joked to her that she is now equal to Ivar, the heavily pregnant one and the cripple. What a pair they are.

"Are you sure? You could stay in bed and rest; we could tell him you are ill." Brynja asked, worried, seeing the pale complexion her princess spotted. But the said girl only shook her head and pushed her shoulders back with her head held high. 

"It is alright. I just have to do what Sigurd told me. Walk proudly with death in my eyes." Brynja and Margrethe raised both an eyebrow at the tidbit of information, thinking of Ivar and his angry expression all the time. 

Brynja chuckled at the fierce look in Vanya's eyes. "You have been practicing, Vanya. You already look terrifying for someone with a heart as big as yours."

Vanya beamed at the compliment, turning from a scary Viking Princess into a ray of sunshine. The two girls laughed at the sudden change and led Vanya to the Great Hall to join the others. Together Aslaug, Vanya, and the Ragnarssons arrived at the shore where Silas would reach within an hour.

"It will all be alright, Lillemor (Little mother). And before you know it, he will return to his kingdom, and you will forget all about him." Hvitserk whispered into her ear, making Vanya smile in thanks. They agreed not to kill Silas and endure his presence till he left. As long as Silas behaved, he wouldn't be beheaded or harmed.

The ships drew nearer with the help of the good wind, Vanya thought about her monster of a brother.  "You are a waste of space! Unthankful, filthy, and stupid. Aren't you?" "You will do as I say. Or I will let the heathen army have their way with you in the middle of the streets."  "The cattle in the barn has more intelligence than you. Maybe I should let you live with them to learn a thing or two." "I should have smothered you in your crib like I wanted to!" He was cruel and cared about nobody but himself and the throne. 

By the time Vanya snapped out of her thoughts, the ships were docked, and Silas looked at them with a smirk on his face. The King got off the boat, flanked with his knights. 

He was clad in their father's blue cloak with his crown on his head, wearing both proudly and smugly. As if to show everyone, he was better then them. "Welcome to Kattegat, King Silas. I hope the journey was well," Aslaug greeted the blond Saxon, who looked her over and smirked at her.

"Could have been better, but we prevailed like we always do. You must be Queen Aslaug, the one who sees the future?" Aslaug nodded in agreement as Ivar clenched his teeth together in anger. The Christian spoke like a snob mocking his mother without any respect for her title. 

"Let me introduce you, King Silas. You already know, Bjorn." The Queen said with a fake smile, her eyes sharper than any blade. Bjorn stared down at the smug King with hard eyes, Silas returned the stare with the same amount of disgust. "My sons Ubbe, Hvitserk, Sigurd, and Ivar. And of course, my daughter Vanya." 

The Saxon looked the sons of Ragnar and smirked when he had to look down to look at Ivar. The youngest Ragnarsson glared at him from his seat on a chair, with Ubbe on his left and Vanya on his right. Silas looked at his sister and smirked at her brace facade. "Lovely sister, you have grown. I was worried my letter never reached you when you didn't respond."  

"She hasn't been feeling that well, carrying a child is not an easy task," Aslaug said, walking towards her son and his wife, laying a hand on their shoulders. "We can assure you; we have been taking good care of Vanya, she is a part of our family after all." 

"Of course." Silas nodded his smirk still present as he embraced Vanya. "How far along are you?"

The ginger laid a hand on her stomach and smiled at him. "Eight months. Is Mother not here?" Silas shook his head and mentioned back at the ship.

"She has found a new lover with a huge treasury. But let's not trouble ourselves with talk of whores." Silas snapped back spit flying out of his mouth, Vanya agreed against her will thinking of her poor mother who was left alone with this spiteful idiot. 

"How long do you wish to stay, Brother?" Vanya questioned, looking at the knights that he bought with him. They looked tense, watching the Vikings as they would attack at any moment. 

Silas scoffed and glared at Vanya; all his earlier fake smiles gone. "Why, do you wish to get rid of me, Sister?" He spat angrily as Vanya shook her head and mentioned for the knights.

"I am just worried for your knights. They aren't dressed for the weather. The first snows will fall soon. I do not want them to freeze or grow ill." The King shook his head and leaned closer to her ear. The Ragnarsson stiffened, especially Ivar, who reached for the axe, he hid on his back. 

"Don't worry about my playthings. Worry about your pack of savages, dirty and pitiful just like you. Wasn't I right, Vanya? He fits you perfectly." 

"Don't call them savages; they are my people. Just like your knights used to be."

Silas scoffed at that and glared into his sister's eyes. "They are not your people, they never were and never will be. You are the womb to some mutilated heathen, you nor your child have any claim to my throne."

"Then, why are you here?" She hissed, her hatred for him evident even to the knights. Silas stared at her, shocked. How dare she speak back to him, question him, and oppose him? Who does she think she is?

"How about we move to the Great Hall? We prepared a feast to welcome you." Aslaug cut in to deescalate the situation before it came to a fight. Silas scowled down at the ginger, who matched his heated look with one of her own. He scoffed and turned to Aslaug.

"Let's go." He smiled kindly at the Queen as she returned his fake smile. "I wish to see to what standard you hold my visit." His smile turned sour as he slammed his shoulder against Sigurd's and walked with Aslaug to the Great Hall.

"What a joy he is." Hvitserk spat as Ivar and Ubbe checked on Vanya, who was breathing heavily, trying to calm her adrenaline-filled body. 

Sigurd rolled his eyes at the comment and looked up at Bjorn, who frowned at the knights armed from head to toe. "A fool. That's what he is." He spat, walking towards the hall, making sure Aslaug was alright with the King. The Ragnarssons looked at each other and shrugged, following behind Vanya, Ivar, and Ubbe.

The feast was awkward, to say the least. The Vikings had fun like always, but the Saxons were tense, and Silas watched the Northmen like they were lesser people. Ivar clutched his cup in his hand like he might throw it at Silas, even Sigurd was silent. Margrethe filled Vanya's cup and looked at the Princess worriedly. "Are you alright, Princess? You don't look so well?"

Silas looked over at his sister, who was pale with sweat on her forehead. The foreign tongue the thrall used was strange to him. It seemed pathetic in his eyes; English was much more proper. If he were king here, he would forbid the heathens to speak any other tongue, or worship other gods than the Christian one. "I am alright. The child is just restless today, that's all. Something sweet might calm it some, like usually. Could you please fetch me something like that?"

"Of course." Margrethe run off to the kitchens, while Silas stared at Vanya in disbelief. First, she dared oppose him, and now she speaks the language of these savages. How low she has fallen, his foolish little sister.

He stabbed his piece of meat with his fork and cut off a mouthful. After he swallowed the food, he washed it down with a cup of wine bought in his honor. "Mother wanted me to ask if you thought about names. She suggested Ælfgar or Wassa." 

Vanya looked at Silas, confused. "Mother wants me to name my child after Ælfgar The Thirsty?" Silas shrugged his shoulders at the question while Hvitserk looked at Vanya for an explanation. "He went mad and poisoned his three sons so they wouldn't oppose him. His wife threw him down the well and named his brother the rightful heir."

The Ragnarssons grimaced, shrugged and snorted at the weird ancestor of their sister in law. Ivar looked at Silas, trying to see through his innocent question. He doubted that Vanya's mother said that all he wanted to know was the gender of the child. "We wait with the naming until the babe is born. The name means a lot in our culture. It decides the future of the child, what the gods might have in store for it." Aslaug explained, sipping on her cup with her perfect eyebrows raised in a challenge to the bratty King of Slegia. Luckily Silas held his tongue and brooded in silence. What a rare sight it was. 

"And Wassa? What did she do?" Ubbe tried to change the subject. 

"Her husband beheaded her for being infertile," Silas said with a smirk on his face, yet Vanya shook her head at his answer and leaned closer to Ubbe.

"She wasn't infertile; she gave him a daughter. But he wanted an heir as he was already fifty and killed the young Queen. He accused her of cheating on him, said the child wasn't his." 

Silas shrugged at the history lesson and pointed at Vanya. "Can't say I blame him. She was pretty and not even twenty. He was old and rich, thinking that she betrayed him with another was plausible. The child looked nothing like him anyway." He then turned his gaze to Ivar and sneered with his teeth showing. "I wish that your child looks like you. However, it would be a shame if it had your legs. A terrible fate for a babe." 

Ivar growled at that ready to launch himself over the table and strangle the king with his own coat. Ubbe and Vanya held the youngest Ragnarsson whispering into his ear to compose himself and be the smarted man. Yet Ivar kept glaring at the proud Christian who drank his wine like a won a war. 

"Your ancestors are insane," Sigurd commented, thinking of all the family members Vanya mentioned. 

"A little bit, but there was more good than bad. Mother's ancestry is crazier." Vanya recalled thinking of the stories the wet nurses told her as a child.

Silas rolled his blue eyes at that and downed his cup, slamming it against the table. "They believed that fire runs through their veins. That's why so many of them have red hair—kissed by fire: stories, the whole lot of them. Godric The Dragon was just a fool who burned the crops of other kingdoms hoping they would name him king. It worked with a bunch of farmers who overthrew their king and gave Wrosan to Godric, doesn't make him a hero or a dragon."

Vanya hated to agree with Silas on that one. Godric was a desperate man who wanted more than a field to plow. He created a dynasty of redheads by marrying a common girl. And now Wrosan is poor, supported by Slegia though marriage and heirs. It was sad to see a kingdom fall to ruin, because of fights between greedy siblings. What was more tragic was that it was their grandfather that did it, which forced Siflæd to marry Osmond. And Silas was exactly like their grandfather, greedy, foolish, and cunning. 

"Well, at least you are somehow normal, Lillemor ( Little mother)." Hvitserk teased his sister, ignoring the offended noises Silas made. 

"I will take that as a compliment. I think." Vanya mussed, smiling at the flaxen-haired Ragnarsson. 

Sigurd smirked at that and mentioned to Ivar. "Well, you can't be completely normal. Otherwise, you wouldn't love our little brother. And us. It takes a little bit of crazy to like us. Skol!" Everybody drank from their cups, as Silas brooded in his chair.

"What's the matter, My King?" Asked a knight on Silas's right.

The King looked at him fuming, and stabbed his fork into his meat, imagining it to be Vanya's face. "They love her, Stithulf. These savages adore her; she fits right in that unthankful whore."

Stithulf leaned closer to his King and pried his hand off the knife. He held his the blond's hand in his and squeezed it to get his attention. "That's right, My King. She is a whore, that's what you must let the heathens see. You make her husband think of her as an adulterer, and the child will be no threat to you anymore. A bastard has no claim, no matter the sex. She will be nothing, just like she had always been." Silas hung onto every word that left the knight's lips and agreed. "You do trust me, do you not?"

"Of course I do." Silas spat back offended, ripping his hand away before somebody might notice and accuse him of laying with men. Stithulf was his advisor and protector, not his lover. A friend who saw the threat Vanya's child poses for his crown. If it weren't for Stithulf, Silas would have never taken any action. "I just don't see the reason why the babe is such a problem. The council said most of the children here don't live long. And when I marry, my son will be King, no matter if Vanya's was born sooner. The stupid bitch doesn't even want the crown."

"She might not. But what of them? These savages are dangerous. And the child is of heathen blood. Do you want a pegan to sit on your throne? To wear your crown and rule your people? If the cripple doesn't believe us, then we murder the mother and child both. So there won't be any more incidents like this. First, we deal with her; then, we deal with your uncle. You deserve to rule, always did. You are the rightful King of Slegia and Wrosan. Silas the Great."

The spiteful king nodded at that, watching his sister talking with the Queen, Ragnarsson, Helga, and Floki. "Silas the Great. You are right. I deserve everything."

"And you shall get it, My King," Stithulf smirked behind the Kings back. What an easy chess piece the idiot was, so easy to manipulate - The Perfect King indeed.

[leo-interactive-fiction]

Would you give us a little snippet of how the RO's will behave on their other paths ? Like for example E on the Bad Influence path, etc. Just little snippets ? Pretty please 🥺 The wait is killing me 😂

Haha, I suppose I can tease a liiitle, since it may be a bit till they come to full fruition :)

Good Influence E: They hold a determined expression as they stand defensively between you and the aggressor. "I won't let you fight! I'll protect everything I love!"

Bad Influence E: The dust settles on E's clenched fist as the figure before them topples to the ground. Their gaze rests on them before moving to you, "I'm strong…I won't hesitate anymore. I'll do whatever I need to if it means making the world a better place."

Gambling R: The glass shatters as R forces their way through it and into the open air. They turn back in mid air, giving a mocking salute before plummeting downwards, disappearing from view. Luckily, a pile of soft trash was able to catch their fall, and they hold up the shiny piece of jewelry to their face, a sly smirk rising from their expression, "I'm sure they'll be missing this, but oh well. Takers keepers."

Restitution R: The charismatic expression R wears vanishes instantly as they turn away from the conversation, replaced by a contented grin as they walk away, "Like making a songbird sing."

Confident L: L steps close to their harasser, taking their wrist and turning slightly. In a deliberate practiced motion, they use their center of gravity to flip the harasser over their shoulder and slam them onto the ground. Panting from the exertion, L gathers their things, "I…I said no! You're disrespectful and reprehensible in every way! Please leave me alone!"

Forgiveness L: L witnesses a male student harassing a female and keeping a book of hers just out of reach. Smoothly, L plucks the book out of the boys hands and hands it to the girl, a gentle smile on their face, "It's much easier to dislike those who slight you, but I think knowing them better can open up new possibilities. I see…a loving relationship between the two of you in the future."

Soldier V: The sound of a slow exhale leads to silence as a hollow gray eye stares through magnified glass. A dead silence as the trigger is gently squeezed, leading to a piercing scream. The wind rolls over the prone body lightly as V scratches another mark on their rifle with a knife. "Target Eliminated."

Civilian V: The wind whips past V, toying with their clothes and hair as the sun reflects a kaleidoscopic array of colors off of nearby clouds and atmospheric particulates, causing their eyes to widen. "This is…freedom?"

Competitive P: Uncontrollable flames lick the ground beneath P's feet as they gather themselves, a blazing crimson burning in their eyes, "You created this demon, and now you'll cower in its wake! I'll send every last one of you to Hell!"

Cooperative P: A thin circle of flame tames the ground around P as they look out determinedly, set a step ahead of those they care for. "A leader treads first through the path of greatest danger, so those behind them can walk in safety. Now you'll see I no longer fight for myself. I can't lose."

Masochistic M: They step just out of reach of the blade, laughing lightly as they intentionally let the edge bite slightly into the skin. "As much fun…as this is…you're first mistake was thinking…I mind getting a little…bruised…"

Alternative M: A misty breath emits from M's mouth as they slowly gather themselves and enter an alert stance, "I won't allow myself to be…dependent any longer…It's my turn now…!"

Insanity Ra: A creaky laughter echoes down the narrow passageways of the alley, the source unable to be determined from the intensive darkness. In the distance, a faint caw signals the arrival of the carrion bird. The shrill laughter grows louder until suddenly stopping. The Raven's cry grows louder as it circles above. "It calls to me, this siren song. Do you hear it too? Of course you do. Fate is inevitable; inescapable. And so am I."

Therapy Ra: Raven bites their tongue lightly to curb the curving smile spreading across their face, a seemingly inescapable habit they have a hard time breaking as they treat the bruised knee of a child. Upon finding out the child was pushed down by another and asked what they should do, Raven hums slightly, "There's unkindness everywhere you go, but there's also many who are kind. Find someone who will extend their hand out to you when you're on the ground. I think at the darkest of everyone's hour, there is always a fateful light. It's up to each person whether or not they'll extend their own hand towards it."

Speed Demon S: The sandstorm engulfs everything, following close behind a rapidly turning rear wheel as it digs greedily into the ground. The bike flashes across the landscape, creating vacuumous whiplash to nearby objects . Almost as quickly as it travels, the bike stops. The sandstorm halts its progress, dissipating slowly and leaving only a slight dust devil around the driver, who leans against the bike casually. "Courier service."

Trouble Maker S: The blinding white spotlight causes S to wince and hold a hand up to their face. A surprised laugh escapes them as they count several enforcement transport vehicles blocking their routes forward. S smiles casually as the wind picks up, carrying with it a plethora of dust and sand. "I enjoy a good welcomin' party, but I can't say all the guests were welcome. Rain check?"

Royalty F: The sharp snapping of a pair of fingers causes the entire room to quiet, and all eyes to turn to the predatorial smile that stretches across F's face as they sit crossedly in their seat, "Perhaps you were unaware. This is my domain. As soon as you entered here, your very life has become my property. You will witness now: the claim to this throne bares no falsities."

Commoner F: Light breaks through the canopy of vegetation in thin beams, creating a scattering of white across the dried leaves and mossened earth that mark the forest floor. A single leg drapes itself over the edge of a branch as F sits silently in the tree's embrace. They listen intently as the leaves surrounding them are disturbed by numerous ill-intended footfalls. "You pluck selfishly the fruit of other people's labor. You claw ravenously at the possibility of death, the scent of the hunt stark upon you. Come now, Beasts. A Hunter awaits."

[purplesurveys]

1068

What internet browser do you use?  Chrome. It’s what I’m used to, but I also think it looks the cleanest among the other available browsers.

What brand water do you drink? (Smart Water, Dasani, etc) I never reach for imported water brands like Evian because what is the point?? The local bottled water brands we have like Summit and Absolute work fine and already do a great job of quenching my thirst.

Do you have a job? Yes and I go back tomorrow and I’m cringing thinking about it. I love my job, but I wish it wasn’t so mercilessly hectic for 9 straight hours, 5 days a week. I like to think that I was hired right at the start of all the simultaneous Christmas campaigns of our clients which is why everything seemed busy; so I’m hoping the workload will start to die down a little bit now that all the holidays are over.

Are you full-time or part-time? Full-time.

Are you watching TV right now?  Nope. I was watching on YouTube earlier, but I decided to focus on this.

Or are you listening to music? No. It’s silent here in the living room, just the way I want it to currently be.

Would you go to jail for 3 years for $1,000,000? I don’t think that’s enough money for a dare that big.

When's your birthday?  April 21st.

Thoughts on kids?  I’m a lot less idealistic about them now. I used to want kids with my only formula being “I’ll do the exact opposite of what my mom did with me.” but I realized it’s so much more complicated than that. Raising a kid/kids is a whole damn job in itself and I see that with how my cousins of the same age, but from different families, have been acting. My cousins from one family are really spoiled and entitled, and I can’t last in a room with them for more than a minute; but my cousins in another family are so ridiculously well-behaved I can’t even start to fathom how respectful and kind they are. That observation has scared me away from kids in the meantime, because I still have to figure out how to not fuck such a responsibility up.

Worst punishment you've ever received by your parents?  The worst thing they ever did was take away my laptop privileges for an indefinite period when I was 11, when they caught me being a dumbass on social media and cursing all over the place. It’s a reasonable punishment per se, but that was also a time when the internet was starting to become a resource and requirement for homework and school projects; so my parents didn’t know how many things I failed to submit because they didn’t allow me on the internet.

Are you the type who is completely against abortion? I am pro-choice and pro-pregnant people should be allowed to make decisions about their own bodies. I don’t like the idea of abortion, but I’ve always believed people should have access to resources to learn more about it, to a healthy culture that embraces it as an option, and to actual facilities that will enable them to receive one if the need be.

Have you ever read a book that actually changed your outlook on life? No, I don’t think so. Not yet at least.

Does your favorite flower hold any meaning to you? Peonies don’t mean anything in particular. I just think they look pretty.

What would you do if your favorite animal became endangered?  I can’t imagine dogs ever getting endangered, but hypothetically I’d be crushed. I’d do the same thing I would do with other endangered animals, which is to spread the word about their situation and what can be done to save them from getting even fewer in number.

Have you ever owned an expensive eyeshadow palette?  No. I never cared for makeup. I’m turning 23 and still don’t feel the need to invest in it...should I be worried?

Do you own a tripod for your camera? We used to, but I have not seen it in a long time.

Are your nails always painted?  They never are.

What's one thing you've had a toxic reaction to? A breakup. < This was true for me too, at least for a time. Another one would be the barbecue that my uncle bought for a family gathering once that was definitely contaminated with something...shit gave me food poisoning at 3 AM and made me think my half-naked self was going to die right then and there in the bathroom.

Which holiday is your favorite to decorate for?  We only ever decorate for Christmas, so I guess it wins by default.

Were you popular in school? By the second half of high school I was hanging out with the popular groups and getting invited to popular kid things, but I never wanted to claim to be popular myself. I still liked letting my friends take the spotlight.

Are there any foods that often give you heartburn or indigestion?  Is there something you intend to buy in the near future?  Is anyone in your family artistically talented? What about musically? What cute behaviors or characteristics does/do your pet(s) have?  What's the screensaver on your computer?  Crossing these out as I believe this survey is a shuffle of questions from many different surveys...? and I have already answered these five in a past survey I recently finished.

What’s the sexiest thing about a guy? I don’t really care for guys, I think... I still haven’t made up my mind about them yet, but all I know is I definitely have not felt seriously attracted to any irl man my whole life.

What’s the sexiest thing about a girl?  THIGHS

Who were you with at midnight on January 1, 2021?  Who was the last person to send you a message on social media?  ^ What qualities does this person have, that you appreciate? What was the last thing that caused you to scowl, or frown?  Have you smiled at any point during the last hour?  What was the last thing you consulted Google for? So, did anyone send you a "Happy New Year" message when midnight hit? When was the last time you were on a carousel?  What is the closest you have ever been to an elephant? Have you ever played Halo?  Have you ever read a National Geographic magazine?  When was the last time you had a pillow fight?  Name somebody who you think deserves more respect: In your own words, define what the word sexy means.  What is the most popular tourist attraction where you live?  Without looking - do you know what brand your underwear is? Are you any good at volleyball?  Have you ever had a water balloon fight?  Same situation as above. What an interesting order of questions, hehe. Still having fun with this though!

Do you think some babies are ugly?  Newborns are super wrinkly and make the strangest facial expressions from time to time. That won’t stop me from cooing at them, though.

Don’t you miss Chuck E. Cheese? I’ve never been there. Is it like a standard birthday party events place for kids?

Do you think Fall Out Boy is gonna be a classic band, like Queen or AC/DC? In time, maybe. 

Do you love stuff-crusted pizza?  Yessssss.

Do you apply lotion after you bathe? I don’t, but I should probably pick it up as a habit seeing how dry my skin can get.

What’s your favorite color? Pastel pink. < Same!

Who did you have your most amazing kiss with? Gabie.

Has a YouTube video of yours ever gotten over 10,000 views? I’ve never even posted a video on YouTube.

Would you ever get a tattoo on your collar bone? Not my spot of choice, so maybe not.

Do you like Robert Frost poems?  I’m only familiar with one and I’m having a little trouble remembering it rn haha.

Do you go to church every Sunday?  We used to go to church, yeah; back when it was okay to. Our local church has allowed face-to-face masses again (but with very limited attendees) but my mom has preferred for us to stay home, so for the last few months we’ve been watching livestreams of Sunday mass every week.

Have you ever been in a relationship on-and-off for more than a year?  I would say Gab and I were on-and-off, but it went on a lot longer than a year. The total time would amount to six years.

If you had to get famous for one of the following, which would you choose: music, acting, writing, modeling? Writing. Or modeling, if I could only pull it off.

What do you think of girls with huge boobs that don’t wear bras in public? I seriously don’t care. I skip out on bras all the time because I honestly personally don’t need them, and everyone should be allowed to feel and act the same way.

What is the last thing you tried on in a store? I never do this. Even before Covid, I’ve felt iffy about trying clothes that many others have already put on and were probably not washed 100% well. I’d rather get something, try it on at home, decide if it’s a good fit or not, and then return it ASAP if it ends up being the latter.

Is sleeping naked more comfortable than in clothes?  My mom doesn’t knock so I’ve always been scared to try sleeping naked (and she also throws a fit if she catches me locking my door, which is like - then why did you even buy a doorknob with a lock??), but I definitely see the appeal.

Have you ever had a dream in which you were making out, or more, with someone?  Yes for the more part lmao, but I don’t know if I’ve ever made out in a dream.

Do you feel as though you have a good memory, or are you forgetful at times? Do you feel that your short-term memory or long-term memory is better? Have you ever had a concussion or some other sort of brain injury before?  Do you have any sort of mental illnesses or disorders? What do they involve?  What’s the longest that your hair has ever been? How about the shortest? When is the last time that you got it cut? What are some ways that you style your hair? Do you use any sorts of products in it?  Who was the last person to truly get on your nerves? What do you think caused you to feel that way? 

Do you recycle? Is this through choice or do you live somewhere where it’s compulsory? Through choice. Waste management is sadly not much of a priority here, if at all.

Do you prefer plain, carbonated, or flavored water? Do you think you drink enough water throughout the day?  I have never tried the latter two. Water has always been tasteless and plain to me, and I never understood the point of customizing something that’s meant to be tasteless and uncarbonated. There are days where I’m able to have several glasses and other days where I unconsciously skip out on water until dinner.

Have you ever needed to call the police, ambulance, or fire department? Fortunately I’ve never had to call any of these.

When was the last time you visited the library? What was the purpose of your visit? I wasssssss maybe having something printed? If it wasn’t that, I was probably returning a book.

Do you see a lot of wild animals where you live? Are any of them dangerous? None of that here, especially since I live in the city. A sighting of a wild animal outside of a zoo or eco-park would definitely make national news, like that time an ostrich was seen running around a private village many months ago.

Aside from when you were born, have you ever had to stay the night in the hospital? Yep, from a dengue scare that turned out to be just a simple low platelet count.

Have you ever experienced a panic attack?  Yes, but they are extremely rare. The last time I had one was maybe two or three years ago. Unfortunately I think all my panic attacks were caused by and involved my mom.

Would you ever want to go into the medical profession? Was your answer different pre-COVID?  For a time, when I was hating journalism in college, I was daydreaming about the idea of shifting to biology and making the drastic swerve to med school. But I knew a love of memorizing and biology topics won’t be enough for me to be successful in the medical field, so I quickly shot the idea down.

Where you live, are people paying attention to whatever restrictions are in place to help control COVID? Many? People are definitely following and have been obedient with protocol in different places. Some cities are also still strict with maintaining their checkpoints and banning tourists from entering their area just yet. It’s the government that hasn’t really been making the effort to put measures to contain the virus.

Do you get a real or artificial Christmas tree?  Artificial. I don’t know if getting real trees for Christmas trees is a thing here.

What’s your favourite type/flavor of popcorn?  Cheddar cheese.

Do you drink oat milk? Nopes. I’d like to try it just to say that I have (and I might end up loving it too), but I have yet to look up what foods or drinks it works best with.

Do you love thrifting?  Sure, sometimes I get good finds from it.

Do you consider using only lowercase letters your aesthetic?  Sometimes I’ll use it in a Powerpoint or a tweet, but I wouldn’t say it’s an aesthetic that defines me as a person.

Do you say “mood?”  Too much.

Do you own fairy lights?  No. I wanted those before, but I’m not so sure if I still do now.

Do you own glass straws because the metal ones kind of gross you out because you can’t tell if they are clean or not? I don’t own glass straws. Most places have changed their cups into a design that you can sip directly from, anyway.

Have you made a TikTok? No, don’t care.

Do you own airpods?  No, but would like a pair.

Are you afraid of Mercury in retrograde? I really don’t care.

Do you make life choices based on astrology?  No, I don’t believe in it. It scares me how much some people rely on it and use it as an actual moral compass or judgment system. It doesn’t harm anyone so I never actively speak out against astrology, but it scares me nonetheless.

How many pairs of converse shoes do you own?  One pair. I used to own another one, but my mom threw it out several years ago.

Number of jeans in your closet:  I would say like 10-12.

What accent do you have?  Philippine English/Americanized Filipino, I guess.

Do you have a big butt? I’d say it’s decently-sized.

Do you count how long you and your gf/bf have been together? Yeah, before.

Have you graduated?  Both high school and college, yup.

Rihanna or Lady GaGa?  I like Rihanna’s music more, but I love Gaga’s outfits, concepts, and stage presence more. Do you use fake eyelashes?  No. I had to use them twice, but I’d never seek them out on my own.

Which was the last book that really captivated you? It’s been a while since I encountered a book like this.

What makeup brands do you use?  I don’t use makeup.

[juminsmysticmc]

Could I request reactions of when (mc and rfa+v dating) mc find out she has an terminal illness and ask them to break up without tell them,she wants them to hate her so they do not grieve too much,so when they know mc already died, angst if you cant its ok ilike your imagination♡0♡

RFA + V with a Mc who finds out that she will die soon and makes them hate her to not make them suffer for her

Huhhhh why do you need to make me cry this much! I hope you like my angst, really…please tell me because I personally think that this is one of my best Hc and for the first time I’m really really really proud of myself! Have fun and don’t cry! 

Ps. I watched the Kdrama ,,Uncontrollably Fond’’ where the main lead (Kim Woo Bin) is ill, like Mc in this request and tries to find his old love just to see how much she changed but still loves her. And so the female lead (Suzy) and him go through a lot of hardships since she doesn’t know about his illness at first. I really liked the Drama, it was filled with emotions and secrets! And then after the Drama I found out that Kim Woo Bin was really sick after the Drama, luckily he overcame the illness, I’m soo happy! I first knew him from ,,the Heirs’’ and I didn’t really like him ( Lee MinHo forever haha) but now, ahh I like him! Are there any Kim Woo Bin fans? Now, enough talking, go and read the Headcanon for real! 

ATTENTION! This headcanon can trigger! Don’t read if you can’t handle the mention of: Self harm, death, illness, suicide

Jumin 

,,You must have seen wrong, Doctor.“ you snapped as the doctor told you about the illness you had. 

You were so young, barely 30 and now he told you that you were going to die? 

,,How long?“ you asked him. 

It wasn’t a long time anymore, you knew. 

The doctor told you to please go to the hospital to get treatment. 

Without any help, you would live about three months. 

You however took your purse and glared at him. 

,,If you dare to tell my husband, I will sue you and destroy you.“ you snapped with a trembling voice. 

It wasn’t like you to be like that. Perhaps the fear deep in your heart made you tell him these things. 

You walked out of the room and walked to the parking lot. 

With a click you turned on the radio and began to sob loudly. 

What should you tell him now? 

Should you even tell him? 

And then, you made up your mind. 

Once at home you had time for one hour. 

You decided to make a video for Jumin. 

In there you told him the reason for your lie. 

,,I‘m home!“ Jumin called as he opened the door. 

You smiled at him and hugged him. 

Our last hug….you thought. 

As you kissed him, you thought about your last kiss and when you smiled at him, you thought about the last time you could see his beautiful eyes shining at the view of you. 

You knew you were selfish but you thought it was for his best. 

For the next months the two of you went on trips and every time you went away, you met a former friend. 

You tried to make him jealous and angry. 

You didn’t only make up relationships, but you also tried to discuss with him about everything. 

Deep in your heart it was painful for you too. 

But for him you wanted to be in pain even in your afterlife. 

The third month finally arrived. Jumin still tried to hold into you but he wasn’t as happy as before anymore. 

,,You’re a big cold hearted ass, Jumin Han! Everything I cared about was your money! You know what? I want to have a divorce. Finally get rid of you!“ you yelled and rushed out. 

Jumin Han stayed behind and finally cried after a long long time. 

He didn’t know that you were in pain, ill and worried about him. 

He didn’t know that you hated yourself, that you didn’t mean it, that you didn’t want it. 

He didn’t know that you tried to protect him. 

Three months later Jumin tried to call you for the last sentence for the divorce. 

His anger against you was making him grow colder than he was in the past. 

,,Yes?“ a man responded your phone with a trembling voice. 

Jumin‘s jealously grew once again. 

,,Who are you, Sir? I wanted to talk to Mc.“ he said. 

,,I‘m-no, we need to meet up. I guess you’re her ex-husband, right? I have something for you.“ the man mumbled and told Jumin a place and time. 

Not long after the two of them met, Jumin Han was a totally different man. 

To get to know your cousin and to get to know the news that you died crushed his heart. 

The video he gave him, scared him. 

Even more did the sight of your crying face. 

,,Hello Jumin. If you’re now watching this video it must mean that I‘m dead….haha. How weird to say this. Today I got told that I‘m ill. Deadly ill. I decided to protect your heart and make you hate me. I hope I didn’t fail and that today, you won’t love me as you loved me in the past….I hope that today you’re not in pain without me by your side…Just know that I love you, loved you and will love you forever. Please forgive me. I did everything for you…believe me….“ 

Jumin Han couldn’t bear it anymore. 

He watched the video about three times until he finally decided to sue the doctor. 

Afterwards he spend all his money and strength in donations for ill people who were diagnosed with a deadly illness. 

And of course he spend his money on wine, a lot of wine. 

Three bottles a day in front of the television with your last video, a picture of you and your good smelling pajamas. 

Without you this man was broken. 

,,Mc….rather than spending these days in hate I would have loved it to spend good days with you….why did you make this decision…?“ he often asked you while he was crying his eyes out. 

Zen 

,,Ahhhhh so exciting!“ you giggled to yourself as you patted your flat belly. 

Since days you were feeling dizzy and had to vomit. 

You were sure of it, you were pregnant. 

You still didn’t know that you were wrong. 

You didn’t know that soon you would be confronted with awful news. 

The shock almost made you throw up. 

This time however you weren’t happy at your body’s reaction. 

You were scared, angry and helpless. 

,,But…are you sure that I will die?“ you asked your doctor as tears slowly slipped down your cheeks. 

,,Yes, I‘m sorry to tell you about your illness. We can however decelerate this. We need to send you to the-“ 

,,Sorry. But, will it help me? I will still die. I would rather die now than make my loved ones live with me in pain. Please don’t tell it anybody. My family can’t know about it.“ you begged. 

Without an explanation you left the room and walked back home. 

The happiness you had earlier disappeared. 

Everything but this, you begged and quickly your legs gave up as you began to cry. 

,,No no no no no no no no no please please please please please no!“ you begged. 

And now? You knew you couldn’t destroy the love of your life, if Zen would know about this he would be as dead as you….

That’s when you got the idea to just break up with him. 

You entered your shared home and waited for Zen. 

You deeply hoped that your plan would work out and that today would be the last day of your life together with Zen. 

Because you just couldn’t bear to lie at him. 

,,Hi princess, how was your day?“ 

,,Hi Zenny~ I saw such a beautiful young man~ why don’t you cut your hair? They are ruined. I think we should change job. We would be such good teachers for example ~!“ 

,,Mc, are you kidding me?“ he asked you and you noticed that his mood was getting bad. 

,,I just wanted to change you~ but I guess I failed. Just let’s break up…I didn’t imagine my life like this.“ you told him with an evil smile. 

Zen stayed open mouthed and looked at you. 

What did you mean? 

But he couldn’t react quickly enough, you already stamped out and left the apartment. 

Since then the two of you didn’t speak anymore. 

Instead you posted disgusting emojis below his posts to make him hate you even more. 

,,Mc…why didn’t you tell him…?“ your sister asked you with tears in her eyes. 

,,Do you really want to die without the man you love?“ she asked you as she held your hand. 

Finally your time came. 

 You were thin, you couldn’t even move a muscle anymore. 

,,Take…..the letter….in my purse….if Zen would get to know the truth….give him the letter…..“ you tried to tell her. 

She nodded and asked you to please stay awake as she took the letter. 

But you couldn’t stand it anymore. 

Your thoughts were filled with Zen and your eyes searched for him. 

In the last seconds of your life you stayed alone. 

All your wrongdoings came back to your mind and as you breathed your last breath, you said his name ,,Zen“. 

Three years passed, Zen tried to check several times your social media accounts but it was no use, as is if you had disappeared. 

Your family also behaved odd that’s how he came to know that you died. 

He was shocked as he read your sisters post and so the next day he met her. 

,,To be honest I did this on purpose, Hyun. She didn’t want you to know but…..well. Here, a letter from her. I should give it you if you would come to know about her death.“ you sister mumbled while crying. She got up, hugged him, apologized a last time and went away, leaving the young white haired man on his own. 

As Zen read the letter, a lot of things came to make sense. 

Zen read the letter a lot of times until he decided to follow you. 

His dream was to let you know how stupid your decision was and how much he still loved you. 

And so Zen died only four years later after your death day, thinking about you 

,,I want you to live, who are you kidding, Mc….I want to live with you…“ 

Yoosung 

,,RIKA RIKA RIKA RIKA! I‘m fucking annoyed! You only talk about Rika and LOLOL, Yoosung! Grow up, IDIOT! I will just go to the man who approached me yesterday. I‘m fucking finished!“ you yelled at the blond man who was tearing up. 

He didn’t even have the strength to ran after you, to stop you or beg you for forgiveness. 

As soon as you packed your things and left the house, you began to cry. 

The cold rain pounded on you as the tears rolled down your cheeks. 

The coldness outside was almost warm, compared to the loneliness in your heart which made you shiver. 

You were indeed a bad woman, you lied and crushed him without blinking, you thought. 

,,Illness…to hell!“ you snapped and got up and like a strong woman you entered the hospital to get hospitalized. 

,,Oh, Mrs Kim! Who are you writing again?“ the Nurse asked you as she handled you over the pictures you asked her to print. 

,,My husband!“ you said with a big smile as you looked at the pictures. 

Hair and chest were missing but you were sure, that everything would get better soon. 

,,Oh, he‘s in the abroad?“ she asked you. 

When you however told her that he didn’t know, her face froze. 

It didn’t take long and your situation got even worser. 

At some point the nurse begged you to call Yoosung but you never lost hope. 

Until one morning you died, alone in the white hospital room. 

,,Who’s that?!“ Yoosung snapped as he threw his head phones on the floor. 

How long has it been after you left him? 

After he lost your whereabouts? 

When he opened the door his hopes of seeing you got crushed. 

The nurse who was caring for you, was at his door and handled him the letters ,,She fought until her last breath. She was a wonderful woman who mistook one decision. I‘m sorry for your loss.“ she told him and left. 

Yoosung read the letters and looked at all the pictures you sent him. 

His tears didn’t stop and soaked your last letters. 

,,Dear Yoosung, you’re reading this letters while I‘m probably in front of you! We did it, Yoosung! We finally fought, I‘m healthy and alive, Rika‘s faith spared us. 

I deeply hope that you will forgive me, Yoosung because I really did my best in order to spare you from these hard moments. I love you.“ 

Yoosung didn‘t know what to do, the young man cursed you and everyone. 

He began to toss all kind of objects around him. 

Because this lost was a hard one, a loss which would leave his heart empty forever. 

Jaehee 

You watched your beautiful girlfriend as she served a guest with a big smile. 

You loved her just so much, you wanted to protect her with all your strength. 

That’s why you had to do what you planned in your little head. 

,,Jaehee.“ you called her after everyone left. 

,,Yes?“ she responded and turned her head to you, her beautiful long hair danced as she looked at you. 

Her beauty made it even harder for you to break up. 

,,I….I decided to move out. This shop…it’s a big burden for me. I hate it here.“ you told her. 

,,I would like to break up with you.“ you said. 

She didn’t even have time to respond as you began to throw away the cake you prepared for the next day. 

,,I HATE IT HERE!“ you screamed and began to sob. 

You didn’t want to do it like that, but the fear of your soon death scared you. 

Even more the thought about the fact that you will die while she would hate you. 

You left the shop sobbing and left Jaehee behind. 

You didn’t hear from her for a long long time. 

She never called you and so did you. 

The only one who knew the real issue was Jumin who was also by your side while you faced the hardship. 

Well, to be honest deep in your heart you wanted him to carry your secret as a payback for Jaehee‘s hardships but in the end it turned out that you just wanted someone by your side. 

,,How is she…?“ you mumbled after he let you slip a bit of water. 

,,Together with Yoosung she‘s working again for me. She cut her hair and closed the shop.“ Jumin said without showing any feelings. 

,,So my act will be in vain?“ you asked him. 

,,Sometimes it’s just better to say something personally. People think they can protect each other like that, but that’s not true. In the end they just get hurt deeply.“ 

,,You speak as if you’re not human, Mr Han.“ you teased him and had to cough. 

,,Mc, I said several times that I would pay for the hospital fees why didn’t you get hospitalized?“ he asked you. 

,,You did more than I actually wanted you to do….“ you told him. 

The next day Jumin came, he found two letters on your table. Unfortunately you fell asleep forever after writing them. 

A lonely sleep. 

,,Dear Jumin. 

Thank you for everything you did. Please give this letter to Jaehee. I want to see her a last time. And in order to make her come I wrote the letter. I decided to write you a letter too because it seemed more prettier. And besides I was so sleepy and wanted you to let her know right away. Would you do me this last please? If I‘m asleep, please wake me up~“ the letter said. 

Jumin Han shed a tear. You couldn’t see it or hear his sobbing sounds, but he cried for you. 

,,Mc had a reason.“ he told Jaehee when he came back. 

,,Mr Han I appreciate it that you want us to make up but-“ 

,,This wasn‘t my intention, Assistant Kang. I wanted her to rest in peace and you…to live without any regrets. Please read the letter and go to give her your goodbyes.“ Jumin told her. 

Jaehee softly opened the letter and read every word. 

Tears slipped down her face as she read your begs. 

To please come to visit her, let you see her beautiful eyes, smell her long hair and listen to her beautiful voice as she talked about the shop. 

For several days Jaehee couldn’t get a hold of her life. 

As she looked at the shop from the outside, she noticed that everything seemed lonely, cold and dark but when Jaehee remembered your letter, her life began to bloom once again. 

,,Please go on with your dream. Our dream, I will always support you.“ your last sentence said. 

Saeyoung 

,,I’m off!’’ you said and left through the door to go to the hospital. 

Since a few days you were feeling odd, you had headaches and felt sick, you also lost a lot of hair and your vision kept getting bad. 

You decided to go to the medical. 

Saeyoung knew but had no time to go with you. 

But your soon to be husband promised you that he would check your condition through the doctors files. 

Although you often begged him to stop hacking. 

Well, you could never be sure and that’s why today you had two assignments. 

Saeyoung although knew only about one, the fake one. 

You first went to the fake appointment, you needed new birth control pills, that’s why everything went by pretty quickly, the next one was the real appointment. 

Saeyoung didn’t know about this one, and it was good so. 

Because the awful truth you came to know would stay your secret forever. 

You looked at your tests as you realized that you were really dying. 

,,What did you say, doctor? I….I won’t live more than four months…?’’ you asked him again as tears filled your brown eyes. 

The doctor nodded. 

,,No, Sir, you must have done a mistake, there’s….it’s impossible!’’ you began to sob and cried. 

,,No, I’m sorry to tell you that the test is right. But if you like, I could make another appointment for you with another doctor.’’ he told you. 

,,No, no…thank you…’’ you mumbled. 

Deep in your mind you already knew that you were dying, deep in your heart you could already feel the sadness and loneliness. 

Your pale body would soon lay into the tight coffin, darkness would surround you below the ground, coldness will accompany you forever. 

You were at the end of your nerves, you were scared. 

What would you tell him, the man of your life? 

After all he went through, you couldn’t tell him that you would join V. 

Your hands began to tremble as you thought about Saeran who still was in a critical situation, Saeyoung wouldn’t be able to survive this on his own, he wouldn’t! 

,,But fuck…he’s such a genius!’’ you sobbed harder as you began to chew on your nails. 

,,This is all because I kept eating unhealthy things, because I judged Rika, V is giving me his payback for everything what happened in the RFA!’’ you cried. 

That day you came home late, Saeyoung was pretty happy to see you but you felt sick at his smile.

He was so happy and your happiness would vanish soon. 

,,Crap!’’ you snapped to yourself and slapped your cheek at your ill minded thoughts. 

Saeyoung deserved happiness…why were you like that?!

After that moment you noticed that you needed to break up immediately.

,,Mc….why are you packing your stuff?’’ Saeyoung asked you. 

,,Saeyoung, you were right, you will hurt me…you are dangerous….you…you are so…difficult to live with! I…I feel like dying with you! I…can’t I’m sorry…this is all to much…please become happy without me and look after Saeran but please let me go, let me live happily!’’ you begged and slapped yourself in your thoughts. 

Why did you say that? Why would you hurt him like that? You knew that Saeyoung would get hurt by that, you knew perfectly that he would be unhappy but still, your thoughts kept hunting you. 

He could be happy, you not, so why not hurting him?

,,SHUT THE FUCK UP I HATE IT!’’ you screamed and threw everything on the ground. 

,,I HATE YOU!’’ you yelled even loader. 

,,YOU….YOU! IT’S BECAUSE OF YOU!’’ you panicked and began to cry harder, cold tears dripped on the floor while a few came to touch your lips. 

The salt taste of your tears made you notice your words. 

You wanted to apologize, beg him for forgiveness and help but all you said was a simply ,,I hate you.’’

With that you left him behind, Saeyoung saw his nightmare in front of him. 

He tried to chase you but you glared at him. 

,,I won’t give up….’’ he mumbled as he saw you leave. 

He didn’t give up on his brother either and now he was together with him again so why should he let you suffer alone?

He knew that something was wrong and that’s why he decided to leave you for a bit. 

But perhaps he left you alone for too long. 

Because five months later everything about you disappeared. 

Nothing was left and the fear that someone could have harmed you let him tremble even in his dreams. 

But he never expected to find out about your death. 

It was as if he was trapped in a never ending nightmare when he read your doctors files. 

Every file said ,,deceased’’. 

Was this true? 

Saeyoung visited every grave yard and asked everyone about you but he didn’t find you either. 

,,Maybe she…she found someone who could hack too?’’ Yoosung mumbled as the RFA were on their way to visit Jihyun’s grave. 

Saeran went with them but abruptly stopped his steps as he saw a face he didn’t see for a long time - yours. 

,,S….Saeyoung….’’ he mumbled. 

,,Huh…?’’ Saeyoung whispered as he followed his brothers eyes to your grave, next to the blue haired man’s one. 

,,Huh…?’’ he croaked. 

,,No….’’ he mumbled and fell on his knees. 

,,NO MC! MC! MC! I’M SORRY FOR MY JOKES, DON’T….DON’T BE LIKE THAT!’’ the red haired man screamed, making everyone notice your grave. 

,,NO NO NO NO NO NO!’’ he sobbed harder as his hands touched the cold ground, digging into the dirt to save you from down there. 

,,No no no no she’s afraid SHE’S AFRAID OF DARK PLACES!’’ he screamed louder and tried to burrow up your grave. 

Only Zen, Jumin and his brother were strong enough to hold him back. 

Saeyoung could only read the sentence on your grave before his mind went blank, before he lost his head. 

,,The space dust of me will whisper ,,I love you’’ into the infinity of the universe’’

None dared to say it but everyone knew that he would follow you, but none knew that he would follow you so soon….

Jihyun 

,,I love you….’’ he whispered as he stroked your hair. 

You kissed his cheek and closed your eyes. 

Until now you never knew that you were such a good actor, you never knew that you could deceive people so good. 

But right now you were doing it. 

The truth was that you were ill, you wouldn’t be able to live as long as you thought and wished for. 

You would have to leave your boyfriend soon. 

You could hear your boyfriend mumble in his dreams while you observed him. 

You wanted to break up with him, to let him hate you. 

But you already knew that he couldn’t hate you, he even loved Rika so deeply…. 

While you were watching your handsome boyfriend you were thinking about a way to make him hate you and with thoughts about this problem you fell asleep. 

The next morning Jihyun got woken up by a loud thud and screams. 

When he went to check on you were throwing around his paintings and pictures. 

The man you loved didn’t dare to move an inch as he saw you destroying everything. 

,,YOU!’’ you screamed when you saw him, faking anger was pretty hard for you, you loved him after all. 

But right now your thoughts were filled with your deadly illness. 

,,YOU DREAMED ABOUT HER, RIKA! YOU DREAMED ABOUT HER AND CALLED HER IN YOUR DREAMS! I HATE IT!’’ you screamed. 

Jihyun was perplexed, he was sure that he didn’t dream about Rika. 

,,Mc, please, don’t destroy them…you will hurt yourself…let us talk…’’ he begged you. 

He didn’t knew how to react to you, you never behaved like this. 

,,Don’t dare, I WON’T!’’ you screamed. 

,,If I become like her, will you love me then?’’ you asked him with a scary voice as you approached him and scratched his arm with a fragment of the broken frame. 

Jihyun immediately flinched and went a few steps back, his eyes were filled with surprise, he didn’t knew what to do. 

,,Ah….what a pity….your mother died for you, huh? Such a vain…now I get why your father is like that.’’ you snapped at him, hitting his feelings really deep. 

You hated yourself for your words as you saw his wet eyes. 

When would he finally find happiness? 

When would he meet a healthy woman filled with love and happiness? Was this man cursed? 

But before you could care more you left the room, trying to get away from him.

To leave him alone with his thoughts about your ugly actions. 

You seemed to have done a good job because a few days later everyone from the RFA tried to contact you except for Jihyun. 

But unfortunately they were way too late. 

You crushed your phone and kissed with red lipstick the letter for Jihyun before you took a few sleeping pills too much. 

Your eyes slowly closed as you thought about the man you were leaving. 

You wouldn’t allow the illness to destroy you, in his mind you wanted to stay the beautiful girlfriend although you already lost this status for a long time. 

,,What?’’ Jihyun sobbed as he heard the news of your death. 

,,Yes, I’m sorry.’’ Jumin mumbled and looked at his best friend’s hand who had a big scar left. 

He hated you for your act but also was grateful that you left him without any more scars. 

Although the tall, black haired man didn’t know that you already left a scar on his friend’s heart. 

And so the young man was surprised to see Jihyun dead in the bathtub. 

,,Live for me, huh?’’ Jumin mumbled as he read your letter of good bye for Jihyun. 

The young man slipped at his glass and gulped the red fluid as he observed the place on his right. 

So, the two women he liked the most hurt him once again and even took his best friend from him, huh? 

MASTERLIST 1MASTERLIST 2

29.04.’19// 22:37 MEST

Tagged:

@foreversunshine-love @giulia2372 @milkyxstrawberry

@widya345 @remiliadacalde @sailormoonrocks666 @r-f-a-journalists

[the-quiet-winds]

Silence Screaming Over Your Words (part one)

tiny kat! she’s back! we love the baby! but she is in for a world of trouble in this installment haha @ichlugebulletsandcornnuts​ and i totally haven’t been waiting to post this. the fourth installments are always unlucky huh...

warnings for this story: very blunt conversations of death, but also just death

[Part 1: I Never Did You Right]

things become mostly settled in the seymour household after the intensity of the past few months. katherine is mostly a well-behaved little girl and the household staff dote on her, and jane would be lying if she said she didn’t spoil her daughter just a little bit, meaning katherine tends to get away with most things.

one day, however, katherine disappears. jane searches all over the house, calling katherine’s name and becoming increasingly concerned at the lack of response.

“kitty-kat?” she calls for the hundredth time, grinding her teeth as the headache she already had intensifies more. “where are you, love?”

there’s no response and she continues her third search of the house. 

she’s just reached the top of the stairs again, when the door opens and swiftly closes, and there stands katherine, red-faced and panting but still smiling.

relief floods through jane at the sight of katherine, but the overprotective maternal side of her is still in panic mode.

“where have you been?” she gasps, making her way down the stairs as quickly as she can. katherine gives her a confused look.

“playing in the woods.”

“and you went without telling anyone?” jane’s voice is stricter than normal in her concern and katherine looks taken aback.

"i didn't think it was that big of a deal," katherine says, voice small, then she turns confused. "am i not allowed to play in the woods?"

"of course you are," jane says, head pounding incessantly, "but you can't go without telling anyone, especially not at night!"

katherine looks up at jane, who seems far too angry over something so small, and crosses her arms defiantly. "i'm a big girl, i can handle myself."

“katherine seymour,” jane says evenly, and the full name really lets katherine know that she’s in serious trouble. “you can’t go running off like that! remember what happened with spain? i thought something like that had happened to you again. i’ve told you before to always ask me or your nurse before leaving the garden!”

katherine flinches at the reminder of her time in spain. then she looks defiant. “it was just the woods! i was fine!”

“well i didn’t know that!” jane fires back. 

“you’re making a big deal out of nothing!” katherine shouts, hands balled into fists. she stomps a foot and looks at jane to yell the worst thing she can think of. “you’re not even my mum!”

she shoves past jane and goes up to her room, slamming the door as hard as she can.

jane can’t help but feel a chill at katherine’s words, even though she knows the little girl is only acting out because she’s frustrated. the insecurities about being a mother still grip jane even several months into her guardianship of katherine, and she’d be lying if katherine’s words didn’t hit close to home.

she shivers again as her mind wanders into what-ifs and upsetting potential futures and she sighs, resting a hand on the railing of the staircase.

a third chill runs down her spine, her headache nearly splitting now, as katherine’s words echo in her skull again.

she starts up the stairs to talk to katherine and makes barely a few steps up when she suddenly feels very weak, very tired. 

the world blurs before her eyes and she feels herself falling back down, colliding with the floor and shivering madly. the only thing she can feel is cold, like someone has replaced her blood with ice.

she’s barely aware of a door opening and one of the household staff gasping and dropping a tray, and she can hardly even feel the hands on her as she’s lifted and carried up to her bedroom and placed on her bed.

if she was more lucid she’d have heard the panic amongst the staff, maybe even heard the butler set off on horseback to fetch a physician from a nearby village. but she isn’t, and all she can feel is the grip of cold creeping over her, and then suddenly a wave of heat hits her all at once.

it feels like she’s suffocating. 

the room is so hot, she feels she’s burning. even in her delirium, hands shaking, she rips at the collar of her dress, desperately searching for release from the heat, which comes when one of her maids loosens the stays on her dress. 

it isn’t enough, and very quickly her entire face is damp with sweat.

katherine hears the commotion in the hallway and pokes her head out of her room, confusion crossing her features.

“what’s happening?” she asks with a tilt of her head, but everyone is too busy to answer her. the door to jane’s bedroom is open, however, and katherine can see jane on her bed and she frowns. she heads towards the room but katherine’s nurse steps in the doorway and gently stops her, hands on her shoulders.

“let’s get you ready for bed, katherine,” she says softly but firmly.

katherine cranes her neck and gasps. she sees jane on the bed, writhing and gasping for breath, and suddenly all anger she has been feeling up until that moment disappears.

“mama!” she squeaks and makes for the bed, but the nurse stops her again. 

“you mustn’t go close to her, katherine,” the woman says softly.

“why not?” katherine protests, trying to push her way into the room. “what’s wrong?”

her nurse steers her back by her shoulders, her firm grip more powerful than the eleven-year-old.

“lady jane has taken ill, and we don’t want you getting ill too. everything will be okay in the morning, so let’s just get you ready for bed now.”

“ill?!” katherine nearly shrieks. she tries once again to force her way into the room, but to no avail. 

“she’ll be okay in the morning,” her nurse repeats softly, and the quiet sureness in her voice melts katherine’s resolve. with one last glance at her mother, katherine allows herself to be led to her room. 

the physician arrives not that much later, and he gives the house staff the news they had been dreading. “she has the sweat.”

there’s a miserable silence that radiates through the house. jane is well liked, and nobody would wish sweating sickness even on their worst enemy. within twenty-four hours jane could be dead, and katherine would lose her second mother.

“no one tells katherine until morning,” the girl’s nurse declares. “she must sleep tonight.”

the nurse, head of the household, and butler all look at each other. “all of you,” the butler says, “get some rest. it will be a long day tomorrow.” 

he, the nurse, and the head of household linger behind as everyone shuffles towards their respective chambers, mumbling quiet well-wishing sentiments as they leave.

the butler looks over at the other two with a grave expression. “i suppose we should prepare to inform lady jane’s brothers, if the worst happens.”

“we should not think of such matters,” the nurse begins, but the butler shakes his head.

“you know how quickly the sweating can kill a person.” he swallows roughly and glances over towards the door to jane’s room.

“that may be so,” the nurse concedes. “but there are also cases of people surviving the sweat.”

“but many don’t,” the butler fires back. 

“he is right about that,” the head of household agrees. “we should put word out to her brothers that lady jane might pass in the night.”

“mama might die?”

all three turn, and standing in her doorway, shaking and very pale in fear, is katherine.

“katherine!” her nurse says immediately, concern in her voice. “what are you doing out of bed?”

katherine doesn’t pay any attention to her words, her attention still fixed on the head of household.

“is mama going to die?” she whimpers, tears already welling in her eyes.

the physician, who was just about to take his leave, kneels before katherine. “your mother is a strong woman, little one,” he says gently. “if anyone could pull through, it would be her.” he sighs, looks down, then back up. “but it is possible she won’t. the sweating sickness is very strong and swift.” he lowers his voice. “it is possible.”

this was not the answer katherine wanted to hear, and she immediately runs to her nurse for comfort. the woman opens her arms to katherine and holds her tightly as the little girl sobs against her.

“mama can’t die,” she chokes out, clinging to her nurse as if she were jane herself.

“shh,” the nurse tries to hush her. “she’ll fight for you. i know she is fighting for you. she won’t ever leave you.”

katherine makes a small whimper and clings tighter. 

“but i don’t think she’d want you up all night worrying,” the nurse says, pulling away just slightly. 

“i won’t be able to sleep!” katherine protests, still crying.

“it’s better to try, katherine,” her nurse tries to soothe. “i’ll stay with you.” she manages to pick up the girl and balance her on her hip as if she were much younger than she actually is, even as katherine protests and sobs. “your mama would want you to get some rest, and i think you know that, sweet.”

katherine does her best to fight back, but exhaustion and panic set in at oddly the same time, and suddenly she feels very, very sleepy. 

her nurse helps her back into bed and sits down in the armchair jane often occupied to help katherine sleep.

"it's gonna be alright," she whispers, hoping she's not spreading false promises. "we'll be here when you wake up in the morning, sweetheart."

katherine wants to fight, wants to get up and run to jane in the other room regardless of what her nurse and the others say, but she’s struck with exhaustion and can’t bring herself to climb out of the bed. she sobs a little more and clutches her pillow close.

“mama,” she half-whimpers and her nurse reaches out, tracing katherine’s hairline with her index finger.

“it’s going to be alright,” she repeats. “your mama will pull through.”

———————————————————————————————————–

tag list: @percabeth15 @kats-seymour @qualquercoisa945 @jane-fucking-seymour @a-slightly-cracked-egg @justqueentingz @annabanana2401 @wolfies-chew-toy @broad-way-13 @tvandmusicals @lailaliquorice @aimieallenatkinson @sweet-child-why03 @gaylinda-of-the-upper-uplands @funky-lesbians @thinkaboutitmaybe @hansholbeingoesaroundzeworld @anaamess @beeskneeshuh @prick-up-ur-ears @theartoflazy@justqueentwo @brother-orion @paleshadowofadragon @lafemmestars @beautifulashes17 @jarneiarichardnxel @idkimbadwithusernamesandstuff @sixcago @mixer1323 @boleynssixthfinger @aimieallen @elphiesdance @boleynthebunny @krystalhuntress @lupin-loves-chocolate @bellacardoza16 @bluify

[stellar-aide]

> Kanaya: Discuss, once more.

[cyanpeacock]

Realtalk(tm): The Continued Brainprocessing of Fucky Shit

it’s a long one boys but they all are atm

like jinkies scoob i have been Avoiding So Much with les drogues. avoiding so much like, wow, shit, I Feel So Empty Around People Who Were In My Life. but yes, very necessary to dissociate from this shit for a period while i adjusted to the possibility of, oh, wait, this really is My Apartment? this... i can Live Here without being Disturbed or Attacked? still adjusting. but without les drogues this time.

im continually coming to terms with like... ok, so, i have been and sometimes still like... engage in emotionally and physically abusive behaviour towards my own body, and to other bodies around me? 

and also, i am coming to terms with, this does not strictly mean i am An Abuser Forever full stop (i.e. Bad Person, Irredeemable, Disgusting, Abhorrent, Should Be Euthanised, etc).

this is reflective of, emotional and physical abuse has been so normalised to me as a young individual, that i have been repeating patterns of behaviour i saw routinely growing up, not even understanding why that kind of behaviour is hurtful or how i could do stuff differently. and that kind of makes me go, oh shit. dude, what the hell? that’s... that’s actually, yeah, that’s one fucked up upbringing. it really Was that bad. 

even regarding like The Voices In My Head(tm), my reaction historically was just like, scream at them? yell at them? injure the body somehow until they shut up or it passes out? 

which, uh, oh. that’s totally what my mother did when i was displaying “unreasonable” or “irrational” emotions as a small thing. rejecting then snapping then shouting then smacking until i either ran away to cry alone and injure myself more (emotional abandonment; reenacting and normalizing physical punishment) or went very numb and quiet and compliant like a Good Child (dissociative reaction/freezing; fawning). 

now like i am aware of these structures and this history Right Now. but still frequently i do get into the old frame of mind where it’s like, “you’re being stupid. you’re overreacting. you’re being melodramatic. Other People Have It Worse. Just Don’t Think About It” which, yeah, that’s introjected from a number of adult figures in my life. very very unhelpful, but when you’re a kid, you’re looking to adults for structures to implement to help you navigate your own life. when those adults are emotionally unhealthy... Yeah. this happens.

and right now, i’m like, uh, what the hell? it’s not a dick measuring contest, you’re telling a kid in pain that they’re not allowed to express their pain?

like i’ve talked abt this before probably but it’s an incident that reminds me how fucked up the whole situation was and is. when my school found out i was self harming in like y7 (so like, 11-12yo), because i’d cut so far down my PE shorts didn’t cover the marks, my PE teacher legally had to get the school to call home. and like, i fucking Begged her, please don’t, a call home is gonna make things SO much worse for me. but ofc the law is the law especially when it comes to teaching, and the call home got made. and later that evening my mother bust into my room with NO warning and fucking screamed at me, “You Selfish Little Cow.” 

like i went numb as hell. i don’t really remember clearly what she said after that but it was a whole tirade. stuff about how i was a brat and going to get her in trouble with social services and how i was ruining the family (implicitly, her life) and causing trouble, and how i ought to Think About What I’d Done. i was thinking/feeling, oh my god, she’s beating me again. i’ve ruined everything for everyone again. this is all my fault. i’m responsible, i’m the one to blame, i should have hidden it better. i’m not allowed to talk. i’m not allowed to feel. i’m supposed to be Quiet and Good and Do School and Not Annoy Anyone and Behave. i’ve failed. i am a failure. I Am A Selfish Little Cow. 

i think i tried to commit after she left? but like, in that way where you’re so numb and out of it you can’t actually physically pull together the methods, despite the mind wanting No More. 

and like i’ve been going to visit the woman that DID THAT TO ME. smiling and telling her about my life while Really Fucking Avoiding Telling Her Any Details About My Life. hesitating in pain and then adding “xx” to the end of the text messages i felt like i was obliged to send her. trying to convince myself “she’s my mum, i’m not gonna get another one, i should call her, it’s not so bad, we can talk about... uh, talk about politics, or religion, or, uh, her dog, or my siblings...” COMPLETELY fucking avoiding the fact that, like. this is the Same Person who caused me all that pain, and i don’t feel safe or secure talking to her about important details of my life, or my emotions, or, well, me. i hide and go Nothing Is Wrong! :) I’m Doing Fine! :) 

and! it really does seem like she’s not, you know, as cruel as she was with me, with her other children, at least since after i ran away. but no amount of that can actually change MY memories of growing up with her? my more-or-less programmed Make Her Happy reaction to her physical body? i can’t just, you know, conveniently forget those Things that Hurt Me to engage with her for her happiness. because, well, Her Happiness is not My Happiness, although i was lead to believe that was so. and, when i’m Conveniently Forgetting those things (i.e. my emotions at the hands of an abusive relative), i’m not behaving with the proper regard for myself as a person, and by extension i’m missing pieces of how to properly engage with other people. 

i don’t wanna like, mask the in between spaces of utter dread and anxiety and total blankness with Everything Is Totally Fine. I Am Functioning. Yes I Did Well In School This Year. That’s All That Matters. What Have I Been Doing? Oh You Know. The Usual. (without ever saying what The Usual is, because, yeah, when i’m in that Mode, i don’t fucking know what i do at home! idk how i spend my time! My Function Is To Avoid Conflict). 

because, uh, yeah, academically, sure! i am functioning, sort of! bodily? uh, well, i’m SLOWLY learning how to properly feed myself, and sleep without chemicals, and stay clean, stuff like that. socially? Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. okay, fuck. that’s the one i can’t... figure out, like, at all, on my own. how do i... where the fuck do I even start? i’m not even okay enough with Myself to navigate the social world without passing inappropriate judgement on potential peers. i see people who might, Might, be friends, and my brain goes POTENTIAL THREAT REGISTERED. SELF: SIGHTED. ACTION: HIDE. DO NOT APPROACH. FLEE IF CONTACT INITIATED. 

SO LIKE. my issue now is, i totally know that like... these patterns of behaviour are not My Fault, don’t make me Useless, Bad, Bratty etc, if i sit down and write about it, frowning on-and-off for hours. but, i can’t actually implement these regulatory thought processes in realtime quickly enough to... meet new people and enjoy it? on like, a social level? even on a professional level i have to wait for a good day, and switch off like, chunks of me to get the Task Completed. and uh, talking to friends isn’t a Task process, it’s supposed to be a Leisure process?

i’m quite capable of filling my time and navigating the world quietly, alone! there is a surprising amount i can find to do. but hypothetically i’d really like to, like, meet people, and not talk about “haha dude I’m so sick right now. let’s smoke another blunt,” because while it was... uh, reassuring? and i suppose fun? for a while? to meet other people dealing with life pain like that, that sort of thing gets really mutually toxic.

like, i’m in the process of quitting drugs altogether, and drugs tend to go hand in hand with that social space. daily use, even second-hand smoke, is not something i can be around any more. weed was great for ages, but now like, the drug basically told me “nah g i’m not for u any more”? - as in, it was not helping me any further, i could feel this, and i just... smashed the pipe i’d smoked out of since living in the YMCA, deleted my dealers’ numbers, and withdrew. goodbye ganja! I Keap The   B o m g   In My Mind Now

i was offered like, support from a local drug addiction charity? people fucking pushing me and pushing me to go there, actually. but like... i step outside the place and the ground is carpeted in fag ends. there are cheap booze shops like 5 minutes walk away. it felt like the kind of place where something heavy would come up in group, and i’d be with the people who peel away afterwards to chainsmoke, get a couple litres of cheap voddy, then somebody pulls out their second phone to get a baggie of the good shit once the booze hits? like it could easily just drag me back down. this is a thing i gotta discuss later, and more privately. that kind of group Not For Me.

i’d also like... started Really noticing the whole undercurrent of like, anger and judgement and denial and impermanence in the we’re-all-mentally-ill-here social spaces i used to hang out in? and i’m aware that i was participating in that too, and that while it was good to begin with and for a long time, it really isn’t good for me any more. actually tbh i go Completely Wack upon returning to those people and places now. which, fuck, like, if the person in question happens to be reading this, i’m very sorry. and yeah, sorry doesn’t cut it, because that must have been Fucking Alarming from your perspective, and i wouldn’t have done it if i’d been in my right mind, and i wasn’t in my right mind, and currently can’t be around so many triggers, and yeah your lifestyle being triggering to me is NOT your fault at all, which is why all i can really do is a disappearing act. cuz there’s no conversation that can even make a goodbye feel right, fucker that this situation is. rip. 

so yeah uh. my issue now, is Establishing Trust and Healthy Social Connections. that is, trust that someone is gonna like me for, the collection of things i like and do and say and am? uh, or even several people? 

this... is one i can’t figure out Alone, because, well, it concerns social relations. and i have very little confidence in social relations, because, well, they’ve either been painful, or centered around painful experiences. and i’ve been told that when i’m really truly enthusiastic and happy about something, i’m overwhelming and annoying to others? so i put the brakes on like crazy if i start feeling “too” happy and end up going Appeasement Mode to get out of the social situation as quickly and smoothly as possible.

and uh, what, i don’t even know the collection of things i like and do and say and am. i don’t... Know all of those things at any one time. how, uh, what? what am I. you know. the usual ??????????? flippy haze. 

i mean! i’m getting better at talking Within myself. i REALLY try to talk slowly with kindness and understanding of context to myself and the voices in my head now, and figure out solutions to pain and problems that don’t involve different kinds of pain or avoidance? but i still lapse into like, you know, Augh Jesus Christ I’ve Heard This One Before Why Do I Need To Have This Discussion Again, and frequently i can’t find a viable alternative for avoidance, because i get overwhelmed easily and that makes EVERYTHING worse. and i haven’t figured out how to take my foot off the brake pedal, either, even though i’m not always pressing it. I Need It There For Now Or Else The Car Might Crash u kno. 

so, like, what? i guess i just keep, talking kindly to the voices, and also to myself? practice until it becomes the default state of being when a trigger pops in? this requires patience, and also booting away people who refuse to have patience with me. unfortunate, necessary.

the thing about IRL conversations, is they happen so QUICKLY, and like, i don’t have enough time to calm the brain down from every trigger that pops up! because like, it can be a facial expression, a movement, a word or phrase, a tone, something in the periphery, something behind me, an internal sensation. it’s SO much information my brain is scanning urgently for threats, and my brain scans harder the more a person knows me, because a person who knows you can deal WAY more damage than a stranger. 

so... yes. this is the part i require assistance with. Hrrrrrrmmnhghdfgjnh.

I SUPPOSE. perhaps now the university have stepped in to arrange a case review with the NHS, they can really push for the kind of support i need. which, yeah, it’s long-term one-on-one trauma-focused counselling or therapy, and also some help with social interaction???? not repeated crisis team referrals, not some 12-week DBT course, i’ve literally been off finding DBT skills and employing them on my own because the waiting lists are so fucking long, and not a 12-week psychodynamic course, because i’ve been seeing a psychodynamic counsellor on and off for four years privately, and the work is nowhere near a conclusion. shit, i’d be satisfied if they could just somehow secure funding for me to keep seeing that guy specifically? he’s REALLY helpful to me, literally like my fucking role model for non-toxic masculinity. and i’m not ready for like, group social skills work, Yet. but soon, you know? only when i’m like “okay, yeah, i really do think I can handle this without my health going backwards again” - which, i need more within-myself security for that. 

also better mood monitoring would be nice, i.e. seeing the same damn person, who actually knows my case, instead of a different person every time saying “I’ve just quickly had a look at your case notes”. because if i go low again this winter, then my “depressive disorder NOS” is bipolar, and i’ve been mismedicated from the beginning. and yeah honestly like? as soon as it starts getting dark and cold, I get inexplicably sad, even with plenty of indoor light and warm clothes and whatnot. but yeah we’ll see about that.

anyway This Shit Wack. Im Done.

[neotericbitch]

a sequel to DarqAnon

part the first

It’s quite abusive, there I said it, how you’re allowed to force a ritual onto a child, whether it be reciting an anthem or staring at the sun, before their brain has developed enough to comprehend the significance. In fact, doing so makes it more likely that as the child grows up, they will never truly find meaning in the action! How sad is that? I’d never force anything on my son.

Growing up, staring into the sun was something I never understood. For a long time I didn’t, I couldn’t conceive of the satisfaction or happiness my family derived from it. It meant something to them, so they tried to teach it to me, but it never meant anything to me. I understood that the sun was their god, but because I never truly believed, I couldn’t grasp how or why it would be important to them to stare up at it, burning their eyeballs out of their sockets. Their god was sending a clear message, do not look at me. Why would they do it anyway?

Oh, but - do keep in mind that that’s all in the past. I understand now. I understand perfectly.

Valkyrie Cain has the most brilliant black eyes. Truly, her every feature is marvellous, her sharp nose, her expressive mouth - but I always go back to the eyes. For Crandall, it’s her hands. They’ve shared many times over many meetings, to the point where I find it very annoying, that they want nothing more than to feel her hands on the sides of their head before she crushes it. I think it’s a nice little fantasy to have, just stop telling us about it. I have only ever shared what I wanted two, maybe three times. That’s an acceptable amount of times! Any more is overdoing it, Crandall! Crandall, I know you’re listening. I’ve been able to feel it even when a very good Sensitive is in my head, Crandall, and you are not a very good Sensitive.

Beside me they turn their head away. Why would they want to listen to my thoughts, anyway, when Valkyrie is here? I suppose I understand their hesitance. Darquesse, goodness - Darquesse wouldn’t stand for anyone hearing her thoughts, absolutely not! To attempt it on her would be a high offence. But Crandall, if you’re still listening, I’d say go ahead for the time being. Darquesse isn’t here. Not yet.

Looking at her, it all makes sense. I want to call up my mother and tell her I understand, I understand wanting - needing! - to look at something, even if it does not want you to. The sun may try to blind you. Valkyrie may glare and scream and curse. But you simply cannot look away.

I cannot call up my mother, of course. She has been dead for a hundred years, and I’m busy right now - and I don’t think there’s mobile phone reception here anyway.

For this week’s Thursday meeting, 6 to 7:30, we have made a temporary move from the community hall to the vault, generously donated for DA’s use by Nicki, who we had to murder. Dear girl, she didn’t want to let me hold the meeting here this week. I suggested it at the end of last week’s meeting and everyone was very excited. A hundred meters beneath the spot where Darquesse opened her portal to another dimension and disappeared - we’re so lucky to have this place! Of course everyone wants to come here whenever we have the opportunity! But Nicki said no. Nicki said to me, “Isserley, these meetings have been really great, you are a good organiser and I’m very happy to have met everyone, but I think what you’re planning is wrong. Please return the vault key to me.” So we had to kill her.

And here we are tonight, and I almost wish Nicki were here so I could say, to think you didn’t want this! The meeting is going very well, I think it’s our best one yet. 6:40 and we’re just about to finish setting up, we’re a neat little group of people. We won’t go over time at all! I’d like to say that I, being an incredibly organised person, have been a good influence on my fellow DA-goers.

Salma finishes painting the symbol on the ground. Her designs are ugly, but she has a steady hand and knows how best to use the petrol paste, a very special concoction. No one else could have done this job - though I must admit, I am a bit envious. Easy, Isserley! Remember, your job is the most important. Without you, this wouldn’t work. Without you, Valkyrie would not even be here.

Salma reaches for Valkyrie. She thrashes wildly - and I can’t say I blame her! I wouldn’t want Salma to touch me, either! Haha. But it really won’t do for her to behave this way, we really need her complete cooperation, so I motion to Respite at the wall and he turns the crank, tightening the chains attached to the bound cuffs at her every limb. She is pulled tight, and by the sounds of it it’s not a very comfortable experience, but now she is tense and mostly still - perfect for Salma to draw the symbol on her wrists and stomach.

She puts up a hell of a fight when Respite disconnects the chains from the wall and reconnects them to the floor, at each corner of where the symbol has been painted so she is now seated in the centre. I can’t help but smile! She reminds me of one of those beautiful shrine maidens. If only I’d thought of that earlier. I would have put this off one more week and gotten an outfit made. But the clothes she put on herself this morning are more than lovely. Darquesse will like them. Darquesse will like being back.

Valkyrie keeps straining and trying to get up, the poor dear! I wish I could go over there and pat her face, like I used to pat my son’s when he was resisting me - I wish I could tell her everything will be alright. But I know, even chained and without magic, she could certainly find a way to kill me if I were within reach. And I don’t want her to kill me until the ritual is complete, of course! Otherwise what would be the point?

“I don’t even know,” Valkyrie growls - what a good word for it! Indeed, she is doing her very best to sound deep, dark and scary. Soon it will come naturally. “I don’t even know what you think this will do. It’s not a full moon, or a blood moon, or any kind of moon. It’s not a magical day, it’s not a holiday, it’s not even a day that means anything to me.”

It’s my birthday, but don’t tell anyone that. It’s my special little secret, my gift to myself.

“This sigil is totally made-up. It’s not going to do anything.” She tries to raise her hand to her face to wipe off some sweat, but the chain is too short. “Let me go and I’ll make it quick - because when Skulduggery gets here, he certainly fucking won’t.”

I crouch down to be on her level, and I’m filled with such...reverence. I understand. I understand. This is what I was supposed to feel kneeling in the sweltering heat for hours on end. I’m glad I feel it here instead.

“You will kill us,” I say. “But we’re not going to uncuff you, you’ll do that yourself.”

“What are you talking about?” She is so exasperated and so irritated and so wonderful. “These cuffs are bound. It doesn’t matter how great you think I am, I’m not that strong.”

“You will be! You will be.” In the corner of my vision I see Salma fidgeting. Salma!!! You’re ruining this!! To make her stop, I gesture at her so she can speak and stop annoying everyone with her movements.

“The sigil you’re sitting on,” she fires off in her horrible, grating voice, “and the sigils that are on you are my own designs. Just because you haven’t seen them before doesn’t mean they won’t work. They’ll work.” Her lip trembles and she bows her head. “I’m sorry you don’t...believe in me.”

Valkyrie stares for a moment. “You’re completely nuts.” Nuts! Aah! That’s the word I use to describe her! How exciting!

“They’ll work, I swear. I promise. We only need to activate them, and...” Salma looks to me. Unfortunately, I have to stand up now and go back to looking down on Valkyrie. It’s okay, though. It’s okay. Soon she’ll be looking down on me.

For now, she doesn’t look at me at all. She looks down at where she’s put her arms on her knees, wrists facing out. Perhaps Supreme Mage Sorrows once gave her a lesson on what certain strokes can mean, perhaps she’s trying to work out how to counteract our symbol.

She’s fabulous and smart, yes, but she won’t be able to work it out. I am confident. I snap my fingers, summoning a bright, orange flame into my hand. She lifts her head, looks me directly in the eye, and I smile widely. Very widely. Not widely enough. I hope, before Darquesse kills me, she at least takes the time to appreciate what I’m doing for her. I hope she recognises how much I love her. No - I don’t hope. I know. She will. She must.

I take a step forward and crouch again, reaching my hand out to the edge of the symbol on the ground. My flame will catch onto the petrol paste and spread immediately. Valkyrie will be burned, but only a little bit! Just a little bit. Long enough for the fire to catch the symbols on her skin, and she will be protected - and Darquesse will be summoned back into her. She will be complete again.

Before my flame touches the paste, Valkyrie shoots her hand out and smudges the line, which gives me just about the fright of my life! Thank goodness I have such incredible reflexes, otherwise I wouldn’t have jerked my hand away in time. The paste would have caught on fire and surely burned her to death! She rubs her wrists together, wiping away the symbols written there, then kicks her legs out from under her so she’s in a more traditional butt-to-ground position, but that means she’s made the ground symbol worse and displaced dirt into my face.

It’s hard to love her when she has literally blinded me. That whole thing about the sun and everything, it was more of a metaphor. I still love her of course! I’m only taken aback. Anything I may say as I fall backwards isn’t really my fault, since she’s the one who kicked dirt in my eyes. It's more of my reflexes. I never would say anything of the sort to her under normal circumstances. Never.

“You bitch!”

What an inconvenience. I don’t get to see any of what happens next! I only hear the door flying open and gunshots, the sounds of my people yelling and trying to fight. Punches, kicks, bodies falling to the ground. When I hear Salma scream and feel her blood land on my face, I can’t help it! I can’t help it but think, serves you right for putting a cent in the collection tray every week!

“Skulduggery, the-”

“Valkyrie. Are you alright?” Is that him getting on his knees? Maybe he understands after all. “Are you hurt?”

“My skin’s burning, let me loose so I can get this shit off me. The crank on the wall, I think that controls the cuffs.”

I roll onto my side and wipe the dirt from my eyes. I hear Pleasant at the wall, turning the crank back and hitting the release. It’s terribly uncomfortable, but I can open my eyes and see well enough - and what I see is Crandall dead next to me! It’s such a shock, my heart skips at least three beats. That rotten Pleasant. What a barbarian. I lift my head as carefully as I can, so I won’t be noticed. Valkyrie has lifted her shirt to get the symbol off her stomach and cannot see me.

This is so unfair. I put so much work into this plan. It was so hard to trap her! I was going to bring Darquesse back. Me. Not Crandall, not Salma. Not Nicki. Her black eyes would have bored into my skull and killed me and I would have been good and happy. Huh! Maybe I'm not too different to those Faceless worshippers who go blowing themselves up in public places.

“Isserley. I thought that was you.” Pleasant. Pleasant is talking to me. “How have you been?”

Valkyrie snaps her head up at him. “You know her?”

“We’ve seen her in the High Sanctuary.”

“Jesus. Is there anyone you don’t remember.”

“No.” He reaches out and wipes the rest of the symbol off her stomach in one motion. I have dirt in my eyes but I see how her tummy kind of curls in a bit as she drops her shirt down.

That should be me. That should be me. I love her more than anyone. I burst into tears.

“She tried to set me on fire.”

“I think a list of people who haven’t tried to set you on fire would be shorter than a list of those who have.” I hear the clink of handcuffs. “Come on, now, Isserley.”

I let my head drop back onto the ground and stare up at the ceiling. I do not take one more look at Valkyrie. I’m not worthy. I’m not worthy. I failed. “Why don’t you just kill me.” I’m not even aware of myself saying it, to be honest! Just one of those things that...slips out...

“She makes a good point, Skulduggery.”

“Can’t be done. We should leave at least one cultist alive to arrest, so why not take the woman in charge?”

“How do you know she’s the one in charge?”

His terrible skull fills my vision as he looks down at me. You know, hearing him talk this much at one time has jogged my memory. And he does happen to wear very beautiful suits. My mouth falls open. “You’re-”

Valkyrie was startled for a moment by the sudden gunshot. Shoulders tensed, she looked over to Skulduggery standing over the woman, gun still pointed into a face that didn’t really exist anymore.

“What made you change your mind?” she asked as he put the revolver away. Skulduggery came over to her and brushed some hair out of her face, went back to fussing over the injuries she sustained on her way here.

“Too talkative,” he said, and she laughed and teased him about being a hypocrite.

[moonchildhcs]

parkjin hcs!

high school au! uwu

okay all of yall are different ages with woojin, chan, minho, and changbin in their last year, the 00 line in their middle year, and jeongin in his first year (with u and persi)

yall are taking,,, drum roll please,,,

art 1 !

listen. these mad lads went straight for their music and dance which  is FINE but mandatory one year of art so yall are in a class together! strange,,, but that is the class all eleven of yall share and its,, fairly chaotic

well, mostly because of the crackheads (you, felix, minho, and jisung) who congregated in the back corner and get kicked out three times a week for their antics but like. the rest of yall are chillin and are good diligent students !

well,

for the most part

see the thing is,,

you get your stuff done all the time !! in fact youre probably among the first to turn their stuff in !! like WOWZA ur fast

but, that, is, because, u, want, maximum, time, to, daydream, about,,,,

HYUNJIN

you never really interact with him because hes an uppcerclassman and hes got his friend group and stuff and ur best buds with the Crackheads ! but like. hes so CUTE and SOFT and TALENTED like truly... an ideal boyfie

and your friends make fun of you ALL THE TIME ! like.. you finished your work and youre goofing off with the mad lads in the corner and then jisung will nudge you and go “oOoOoO he glanced in our direction i wonder what that could mean”

and ur like. we are. so loud. the loudest ppl in the class. hes probably a lil annoyed but on the inside ur like “WEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOOWEEWOO” like ur having an internal meltdown bc dance god visual god just looked in your direction

but then the teacher comes by and ur head goes down a wee bit and you add some finishing touches to ur project as the teacher bags on the rest of the Crackhead Squad for goofing off in class and theyre asked to step outside and take a breather and once they think they can behave they can return to class

which MEANS they aint comin back

so you take this opportunity of Tranquility to do your fave activity ...

daydream abt ur crush and stare at the back of his head wistfully ! and its real cute and wholesome and stuff and like

when he turns to ask woojin about something for the project you see the lil mole under his eye and the sunlight catches his soft hair just right and ur just losing it because hes SO SOFT like bitch what the absolute fuck !! why did god pop off so hard making him

and then... It Happens

youre gazing at him, lost in space as you daydream about holding his hand and going on ice cream dates, he turns around to ask woojin something again and as he does so Yall Make Eye Contact and you FREAK

not externally but internally youre literally on fire and you dont know what to do

so out of instinct you do a quick peace sign and he gives you a little smile and then goes to do what he intended to do (ask woojin how the hell ur supposed to paint this)

and youre LOSING IT like not only did he acknowledge you but HE SMILED AT YOU!! HOLY SHIT !! BITCH WHAT THE FUCK OH MY GOD

youre lowkey hyperventilating but its fine because class ends and its your last period so you pack up your bags and head out to walk home with lix, jisung, and minho!! and theyre like wiggling their eyebrows at you and you KNOW theyll tease you but. you need to share this interaction.

and lemme tell you THEY LOSE IT TOO!!! bc hyunjin is a Shy Lad there is no way he caught you looking at him and let it pass !! he had to like you theres no way he didnt NOT like you yknow??? it is Out Of His Character he usually ignores that stuff

and ur like haha no guys its not that deep !! but internally ur freaking out Because Oh MY God What If It Is That Deep so you decide,, to hatch a plan to confess

and the thing is,,, IT IS THAT DEEP

hyunjin is lowkey losing it because. he usually Minds His Own Business and he knows hes popular among people for being cute but ur just. so funny and cute and wholesome and oh wow is his heart beating a lil fast?

YES IT IS !! and hes like u know what?? heck it ILL CONFESS and hope she likes me and this wasnt a coincidence hhhh

so. yall are hatching your plans to confess

hyunjin goes to persi, resident Secret Holder for the laid ease, and reveals that you like nice bright flowers !! like roses, sunflowers, orchids!!! and that you really like pretzels and chocolate almonds uwu

and you go to seungmin and jeongin, who reveal that hyunjin loves forget-me-nots! and he has an affinity for strawb milk and the golden oreos!!!

the thing is,, yall are kinda cliche. like,,, shoujo manga kinda cliche. so if it isnt obvious already yall are hatching THE SAME CONFESSION  PLAN HHHHH YALL ARE SO C U T E

so yall draft letters upon letters, spilling your hearts out in its contents ! 

hyunjins letter is pure white, smelling a bit like his cologne ! it has no marks on it or anything

your letter is light pink and smells like your perfume! its closed with a red heart sticker uwu

yall slip a little note onto each others desk asking to meet each other on the rooftop and ur both like FUCK I HOPE THEY COME EARLY SO I CAN REJECT THEM BEFORE THE PERSON I ACTUALLY LIKE COMES

because,, since yall dont interact much yall dont recognize the others handwriting sgfgfdghf literally dumb bitch hours

anyways yall both SPRINT to that rooftop after school but you were nervous so you got a pep talk from ur friends, the lads, before going up

so once again, yall dont realize. that you have. the same plan.

so hyunjin is waiting there all nervous HOPING youll come first and not whoever else planned on confessing

and youre sprinting up the stairs, hoping whoever planned on confessing wasnt there yet but hyunjin is so that you can confess

and as you burst through the door, pink letter in hand, your eyes zoom to the letter in hyunjins hands and ur like. Oh. Oh Dear.

and hyunjin looks at you, then the letter in ur hands like. Oh. Oh Dear. 

so you two shyly exchange letters, faces burning red as you read through the confession 

and the thing is at one point in your letter you mention how it would be a dream to even hold is hand so he just. this absolute cheeseball. he hold your hand and goes “i guess dreams come true!” and you LOSE IT because oh my god hes such a NERD !!!! but now hes your nerd :^)

so yall go to the park afterwards and split your snacks between the two of you, monching and talking until the stars are twinkling and you guys realize FUCK THERES HOMEWORK

so you go home to do your hw! and yall put the flowers in a cute vase, right next to your beds :^) as a reminder ! (though hyunjin presses some of them with the help of his mom so he can preserve them forever oopsies_

and when yall walk onto school the next day hand in hand, hyunjins friends are like “NICE” but also super shocked bc HYUNJIN?? DATING???

but then your friends. your mad lads. absolutely fucking LOSE IT they are hooting and hollering and you are like Oh My God I Am So Sorry and hyunjin just. does a lil smirk and kisses ur cheek and u are sent into SHOCK and your friends are in cardiac arrest because holy fucking SHIT

and you two are literally the school’s it couple like initially some people were hostile because they wanted to date hyunjin !! but after a while they accepted it and grew to love the both of yall together, from your wholesome interactions to slight crackheadedness

its just so CUTE he always brings you like a rose or smth every day and ur like “this must be expensive” and hes like ! “for you, nothing is expensive” and ur like “ur so cheesy” and hes like “only for you bb :^)”

also now your side of the class has merged with hyunjin and his friends now joining yall crackheads and its cute uwu

[theopposablethumb]

More travel thoughts

I’ve been travelling for three months now, and I’m almost at the end of my tour around Europe. I still haven’t committed as much time to art as I would like, but I keep reminding myself it’s ok. I started this trip under the worst possible circumstances I could imagine, but I’ve got this far and it’s been an incredible experience. I’ve learned a lot, met some great people, and some amazing things. I may write a guide on how to travel, or how not to be a tourist. Same thing.

The less people have to loose the friendlier they are.

Supermarkets are amazing. In every country.

Not drinking alcohol is better than drinking alcohol.

Healthy street food does exist.

Eat fruit whenever you get the opportunity.

Random and unplanned is the best way to explore. The most interesting things happen when you don’t have a plan. In large cities, limit planning to “this area is safe” and “this area is not safe”.

Too much planning leads to failure, disappointment, and anxiety. Less cool stuff happens.

Sometimes disasters happen. Don’t panic, have faith, be patient. The universe will provide.

Taking a rest is ok. Especially if you’ve spent between 9 and 14 hours a day every day for 3 months on your feet exploring.

Camping in Europe is cheap and fun.

Nature can provide much better entertainment than any digital device, for free, and with no carbon footprint.

Getting ill cannot be avoided. It will happen. Get some rest, drink plenty of water, and ride it out.

Be wary of random strangers, especially if they offer you something.

Always be polite and smile.

There is always a cheaper option for whatever you’re looking for. Look some more.

Taking photos for other people is fun and satisfying. The look on the couples face when I captured them kissing on the phone they gave me was priceless. Also I hope the American family appreciate the random selfie of me gurning as much as I did. Haha!

Don’t bother lending your camera to someone so they can photograph you. Most people don’t know how to use a real camera. Including most of the people walking around with DSLRs.

Don’t buy carpets in Istanbul. There is no special discount. Everyone has the best carpets or the best leather. Don’t make excuses. Just say no. Walk away.

There is no special discount anywhere. Just walk away.

Don’t use taxis.

If you photograph a street entertainer then pay them.

Forgiveness is better than revenge and provides more closure.

Tourists are awful human beings. They will push and shove and be rude, often so they can all take the exact same photo on a smartphone.

Where ever you go you are a guest. Respect the locals, including hotel staff, waiters and waitresses, shopkeepers, tour guides, anyone you come into contact with. They are doing a job and pushing, shoving, and shouting makes everybody’s life harder. You are in their home, and they will appreciate it if you behave respectfully. I’ve learned a lot from local people who were willing to talk to me just because I showed some humility.

Don’t push or shove. Be patient. Whatever it is it will happen, just give it time. Everyone else wants to see it too.

[asidian]

How about something about Gladio and Ignis or other Citadel-related people handling the fact that puberty turned Noctis from a cute kid into a really surprisingly attractive young man?

Author’s Notes: I’m… not sure if this is at all what you wanted? H-haha, sorry. orz Anyway, thank you for the prompt, and sorry this got so long and rambly. ^^

===

Notice

===

Puberty comes late to the crown prince of Lucis. At fifteen, he still looks like a child, with a certain softness to his face and a slenderness to his build.

He tries to beg his way out of school picture day, because he knows well enough that, when he stands beside his classmates, he’ll be shorter than all but a handful.

Then comes sixteen, and with it all the trappings of adulthood. Per the king’s instructions, Ignis begins briefing Noct in more expansive matters of state: in boundary disputes and diplomacy; in civic planning and rules of law.

It’s as though Noct’s body rushes to catch up with the responsibility.

He grows a foot in two months; his limbs take on the gangling, awkward look of adolescent puppies. He has to be measured for an entire new wardrobe, and then another, several months after that.

Ignis notes the razor that rests by the bathroom sink now, a point of pride, though he doubts that Noct has much call to use it. He notes the frequency with which the maids have to change His Highness’ sheets, and he sighs, reminds himself of the hormone-driven days he was more than happy to leave behind, and sits Noctis down for the most embarrassing conversation that he has ever had call to engage in with another human being.

It lasts for half an hour. It focuses primarily on responsibilities, and the importance of maintaining the royal lineage. It covers the unpleasant effects of certain sexually transmitted diseases, and what measures should be taken in order to avoid scandal. 

It ends with Noctis in possession of a box of condoms. 

It ends with the knowledge that Noct can turn that peculiar shade of dahlia pink, heretofore unseen.

===

The damn kid has a fan club. 

Gladio’s not sure when it happened, but hell if it isn’t the funniest thing he’s ever heard.

Iris comes home from school one day, all worked up about it, and Gladio knows by now exactly which way to prod to get his sister to talk about whatever she’s excited about. She’s bad at hiding it; that’s just the kind of person she is. If she’s into something, it comes bubbling up out of her.

So he prods, and she begs off answering, and then two hours later, she comes back around while Gladio’s reading in his father’s study. She sits herself down on the couch, and she says, “I wasn’t the one who started it,” and Gladio feels his eyebrow go up.

Iris launches into a tale of intrigue and betrayal, one that ends with two of the most popular girls at their school founding the Prince Noctis Fan Club.

And what else was she going to do? She has to keep an eye on them, to make sure they’re not doing anything that’ll be bad for Noct’s good name. So she joined, too. She might not be first in line to be Shield, but she can shield the prince from some things, at least.

Gladio tells her that she did the right thing.

He agrees that it’s best she keep tabs on membership, for Noct’s sake. 

He sees her to the door, and he closes it behind her, and he sits back down with his book.

Then he laughs so hard tears roll down his cheeks, and bites his thumb to keep from being loud about it.

And when Iris’ class comes to the Citadel on their field trip, he cajoles Noct into playing tour guide.

===

Noct’s new apartment looks like a space that can be lived in, finally.

The cardboard boxes scattered haphazardly across the floor have long been unpacked. Their contents fill the shelves. Ignis saw to most of it, fiddling with considerations such as convenience and aesthetics, while Noct played games on his sofa.

That’s months in the past, now. On the occasions when the space is clean, it actually looks quite nice.

The young man that stands in the center of it, in his trim black suit and sloppy tie, looks at home here. It’s done Noct a world of good, getting some space for himself outside the Citadel.

The new living arrangements come with several specific unfortunate downsides, however. Among them: the time between coaxing Noctis from bed and him walking through the door to the Council’s chamber has dramatically increased.

Ignis glances him over, with a critical eye.

He looks half awake, still. His hair has been gelled, but there’s a certain sloppiness to the way it’s been teased into its peaks and valleys. His face is washed, but the concealer and eyeliner the prince sometimes takes pains to apply is conspicuously absent, abandoned in favor of a few more minutes in bed. The tie knotted at his throat, a beautiful silken blue, looks as though it’s been arranged by a five year old.

“Honestly, Noct,” says Ignis, and steps forward to straighten it up.

His fingers slide against the silk; his touches are brisk and businesslike. But he’s aware of Noct’s eyes on him, that curious shade of night-sky blue. He’s aware of long lashes that truly don’t need the help of the eyeliner. He’s aware of the way Noct’s lips curve up at the corner into a smile, fond and familiar.

Suddenly, Ignis isn’t certain when the chubby toddler he played with as a child turned into this young man before him, who looks every inch the dashing prince from the pages of a fairy tale.

“You do it better, anyway,” says Noct.

Ignis steps back and admires his handwork; the tie is crisp and even, and Noctis looks very much the young gentleman.

“There,” he says. “That will serve.”

It will more than serve. 

His Highness has a photo shoot for a popular girl’s magazine next week. Ignis makes a mental note to ensure they fit this tie into the wardrobe.

It complements the blue of Noct’s eyes quite nicely, indeed.

===

They’re in the middle of training when Noct loses the shirt.

Gladio doesn’t blame him; it’s hot as hell, and they’ve been going at it for damn near an hour and a half. He stripped out of his own at the start of the session, and he’s still sweating buckets.

But Noct hardly ever ditches his.

If Gladio had to guess, he’d say it probably has something to do with the mess of a scar halfway down the kid’s back. It’s pretty badass, honestly, but he there’s no telling what’ll set someone off. 

Whatever the reason, Noct keeps the shirt on, most days. He hasn’t taken it off in training for – hell, probably almost four years now.

He was a scrawny scrap of a thing, last time Gladio saw him without it, but those days, it looks like, are long in the past.

He’s filled out, that’s for sure. The shoulders are broader, and the abdomen is all lean muscle. However much Gladio gets on him to lay off the pizza, he doesn’t need to. Sure, he’s not ripped. Gladio knows for damn sure he can bench press four times what Noct can pull off, easy.

But Noct’s trained in just about every weapon in the armory, and it shows. He’s built like a gymnast, all sleek power. 

It’s a good look on him. No wonder his fan club’s having its three year anniversary next week.

When Noct glances up and catches him looking, Gladio gives an unimpressed snort.

“Gonna have to step up arm day,” he says. “Can’t have the crown prince flexing with those noodle arms.”

“Noodle arms,” says Noct. “Right.” There’s a flash of blue, and the biggest great sword in the Armiger flickers to life in his hands. It’s as long as Noct is. When they started, he could barely lift it, but now he falls into his stance, massive blade out before him, head tipped up in challenge. “That sounds to me like an invite to knock you on your ass.”

Gladio feels himself grinning. He calls up his own sword in one hand – uses the other to crook his fingers, the world’s universal come-get-some gesture. “Bring it, princess. Let’s see what you’ve got.”

===

The Accordan ambassador is tall and amiable, and entirely too familiar with the prince.

At dinner, he’s seated to Noct’s left, and he spends the meal leaning in closer than is proper. After, he blames the drink; Lucian wine, he claims, is far more powerful than what he’s grown accustomed to.

Ignis, who counts himself something of an expert on vintages, knows very well that the alcohol content from most Accordan wines is much higher, but for propriety’s sake, he presses his lips together and says nothing.

After the meal, King Regis and his son retire to the lounge to entertain the visiting diplomat. There are certain concessions in the upcoming trade deal that His Majesty hopes to lay the groundwork for, off the books.

Ignis won’t be needed for the remainder of the evening. He’s free to retire to his own quarters, and nothing pressing requires his attention. It could be one of those rare few early nights, if he so chooses.

Instead, he lingers in the grand hall, seating himself where the tour groups pass to and fro, during daylight hours. Now, the there are no curious eyes about to see the sights. Now, the Citadel is nearly empty.

He’s not certain what he’s waiting for.

He idles there far longer than he can excuse as fancy, tapping notes to himself neatly into his phone for tomorrow’s meetings, for want of anything better to do.

That’s where Gladiolus finds him. The man’s in a suit, hair slicked back. He had a tie at one point, but it’s been removed from its spot around his neck, crammed into a pocket haphazardly.

“What,” says Gladio, slowing to a stop before him. “You don’t have anywhere else to be?”

“Not at the moment,” says Ignis, primly, and taps in the last of his notes before looking up.

Gladio sprawls onto the bench without waiting to be invited, legs spread casually in the manner of ill-behaved thirteen-year-old boys. Ignis spares him a lingering glance. 

“Never seen you not in a rush to do something or other,” says Gladio, bemused.

“There’s nothing wrong with keeping a tight schedule.” Ignis adjusts his glasses, though truth be told they don’t need it. “What of yourself? It isn’t like you to linger after hours.”

Gladio lifts one big shoulder and lets it fall. “What, can’t a guy feel like hanging around?”

It would be hypocritical for Ignis to argue the point, and so he doesn’t. He only opens up a new document for his three o'clock with the minister of finance and begins tapping in something new.

He’s written barely two words when his phone buzzes.

It’s a text from Noct, and it reads, “you still around?”

Ignis replies immediately: “I am.”

There is a moment’s pause, during which Ignis pretends to add to his notes but makes no alterations of any value. Then a new text arrives. “can you come here pls.”

He’s on his feet before he’s finished reading, turning toward the elevator that leads up to the higher-security levels of the Citadel.

Gladio says, “What’s the rush?”

And Ignis, thoughts on the Accordan ambassador blaming the wine, says, “Noct,” and his tone is a bit tighter than he intended.

Perhaps Gladio can read his inflection. Perhaps his posture, more closed off than usual, gives him away.

But Gladiolus is on his feet an instant later, falling into step beside Ignis as he makes for the elevator. “On my way,” Ignis taps into his phone, as the doors slide closed behind him.

They arrive at the king’s lounge barely five minutes later. Ignis knocks on the door, brisk and businesslike, and calls out, “Highness?” in a voice loud enough to be audible through the elaborate paneled wood.

There’s a pause, and then Noct opens the door.

He’s decidedly more disheveled than he was half an hour ago. His hair is askew, and the knot of his tie is sloppy. But more than that, his eyes are flat and guarded, in the way they get when he’s upset about something.

Ignis takes in the scene: a room empty of King Regis, empty of anyone else save the Accordan ambassador leaning casually back against the couch, a glass of half-drunk scotch in his hand. His face is redder than it was before, and he looks a touch disheveled, as well.

And Noct. Noct catches at Ignis’ cuff and stares up at him, and then toward Gladio, standing there in the hall. His grip is too tight, and his fingers are trembling.

That tells Ignis all he needs to know.

“Terribly sorry,” says Ignis. “I’m afraid the Council has announced an emergency meeting. His Highness is required elsewhere.”

Then he holds the door wide and says, “Gladiolus, if you’d be so kind as to see the ambassador out?”

He doesn’t think he imagines the way Gladio’s eyes linger on Noct. He doesn’t think he imagines the tightness in the man’s jaw. “With pleasure,” says Gladio, grimly.

“Highness,” says Ignis. “Shall we? The timeline is rather pressing, I’m afraid.”

Noct nods, and lets go of Ignis’ sleeve. He says, “Lead the way.”

He follows Ignis out into the hall, toward the Council chamber. They walk in silence until they reach the first turn in the hallway. Then Ignis changes his route, circling back around to veer toward the Citadel’s private suites.

It takes them just shy of five minutes to reach Noct’s old room. It’s maintained in his absence, for when an official function runs late and he wishes to stay over instead of returning to his apartment.

He stands there in the doorway, looking somewhat harrowed, until Ignis says, “If he tries to reschedule, I’ll shift his appointments around until his ship sails. After he’s safely off our shores, the authorities in Accordo will receive a request for a new representative.”

“Thanks,” says Noct. He swallows. “My dad had to beg off. His leg gets bad, you know? But I thought, it’s just groundwork, right? I’m okay at negotiating.”

Ignis waits for the rest. He hopes that Gladio was rather less gentle than usually warranted, in seeing the ambassador out.

When the silence stretches too long, Noct says, “He got kinda handsy. I would’ve punched him out, only I thought dad wouldn’t appreciate a diplomatic incident.”

Ignis feels a strange swell in his chest at the words. He says, “The right ties in the Accordan media make certain diplomatic incidents all but disappear, you’ll find. As it so happens, I have the right ties in the Accordan media.”

“So you’re saying I should have punched him out.”

“I’m saying,” says Ignis, tone more fierce than intended, “that it would have been no more than he deserved.”

Noct thaws a little, then. The guardedness slips from his eyes, and from his posture. He looks like he means to reply, but Ignis’ phone buzzes before he can. “Go on,” says Noct. “It’s probably Gladio.”

It is, in fact, Gladio.

“How is he?” the text reads. “Does this guy need to accidentally fall down the stairs before I cut him loose?”

Ignis stifles a smile. “Your Shield,” he says, “is considering something of a diplomatic incident of his own.”

Noct leans over to look, with a huff of something very nearly a laugh. “Call him off. And tell him I’m fine.”

Ignis taps his reply into the phone and then slides it into his pocket again. “Are you?” he says, when he looks up.

“I am,” says Noct. But the longer Ignis stares, frank and even, the less Noct seems able to meet the gaze. “I just didn’t expect it, you know?”

Ignis takes a breath in and lets it out slowly. It’s a rhetorical question, but he finds himself answering, anyway. “Nor should you have had to.”

They stand there for a moment, in silence. At last, Noct says, “Thanks, Specs.”

“I would say any time,” says Ignis, “but frankly, I’m hoping we’ve never cause for a repeat occurrence.”

Noct smiles, wry and crooked. “You and me both.” He turns from the door, toward the couch where he used to play video games at twelve years of age, and sits himself down on the indent that still indicates his favorite spot. “Hey,” he says, almost as though it’s an afterthought. “You mind giving me a ride home, when we get out of here?”

“Not at all,” says Ignis. “Although I suspect we’d best wait for Gladio. Unless I miss my guess, he’ll be along shortly.”

Gladio is along shortly, and he brings with him some choice words about the Accordan ambassador’s parentage. Ignis adds a few thoughts of his own, decidedly less crude but every bit as cutting.

By the time they see Noct from the building, through the meandering back hallways of the Citadel and into the private attached garage, that shaken, uncertain look has been chased from his face entirely.