#but im so upset at the state of everything rn that i just cannot
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too mad to even facebook marketplace
im rage cleaning and it's not fucking helping
#i will be losing out on that $15 roll of wire mesh that i need for the garden#but im so upset at the state of everything rn that i just cannot#i already have the cash i just need to say hello i will come today and go#but. no.
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me (not joking, very stressed): i think im going to have a mental breakdown if something else goes wrong here.
everyone irl: hahahhahaa ur so funny(:
#i am literally 2 secobds from vomiting over how stressed i am about some worm stuff#*work stuff#but im glad my discomfort is entertaining for them 🙃🙃🙃#(im seriously fine i just have crippling anxiety to the point i speedran the medcard process in my state from how mt assessment went)#(and this would stress Anyone out so yk. i feel like im dying hahahaha)#im also aware mt reaction 8s an over reaction#it just like. kinda sucks that even when im being genuine no one believes me ;~;#no one really believes me unless im like. Actively spiraling in front of them#and then instead of offering support 9/10 ppl get mad and scared and upset that im having a reaction Period#bc they are so large and disproportionate 🤩#anyway. i may actually vomit about this cauze.my stomach wont calm down#and like theres truly solutions there#theres truly things that can be done#im just..so crisised out#between work and personal i have literally not had a SINGLE MONTH this year w/o some major crisis happening around me that im pulled into#i feel so sick#and i have to isolate myself to fix this but dont have the tiiiiiiiiiime available#so yk. doing Great (':#yes this is why ive been extremely online the last few months and Shari everything#i Cannot keep this in and i Cannot talk to people abt it#bc im at a place now where if im asked probing questions theres a 80% chance im gonna wanna explode#and ethically kt doesnt feel ok to go to people Knowing this will happen#im so deeply bot ok rn i am like. woozy#oh no
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literally hate being around my 'family' so much i cant stand trying to placate these people who do a shit job of showing up when you need them and then feel guilty when something happens and they finally go oh maybe i should be doing something to actually help
#instead of just calling every two weeks someone i can stop by and see in 20 mins#when i leave the state i cannot wait to never talk to them again#this is funny cause family and close relationships that i have are so important to me but i literally cannot facilitate any new ones#like these people hvae absolutely destroyed my trust in people. so now family to me is like 5 people and everyone else can die#anyway my parents left me this weekend and i have to deal with these idiots acting like they want to help#how they acted when my grandfather passed away and that whole situation really did change everything for good#it was kinda weird before that but that whole thing cemented it all i guess#anyway im thinking of this rn cause i will just get mad if i think about the other things i will get upset and im not allowed to do that#when my parents arent here
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i dont feel Great about sadposting on tumblr particularly when im not really on here much for much else but i dunno man theres that growing up a sad lonely teen on the internet itch that only angsting away on social media can fill. so im giving myself one (1) post because i feel that the state of my me is just plummeting so hard its a little scary. im safe and all im good at keeping myself safe but otherwise ive just fallen back to a point of anxiety agitation dread constant urgency constant restless energy intrusive thoughts to hell and back deeply deeply fragile which is not good at all when i work as a THERAPIST!!!! if i didnt have this holiday coming up i would really be having to consider taking extended sick leave bc i am finding it so hard rn to do therapy im getting triggered by stuff my clients bring to sessions, like not in session in session im totally fine but then later that night or whatever im finding myself experiencing things i havent experienced for years and im like huh wheres that coming from before remembering a client was speaking about it earlier. they warn you about this in therapy school but until now ive been solid enough to cope, like its obviously difficult working w people who experience [fill in the blank of whatever self destructive behaviour thought pattern whatever which i have in some cases very tenuously recovered from] but until now i have been able to stay grounded enough to empathise, draw from my own experiences to do so, but ultimately leave that in the therapy room when i go home. but now im like ouuufhhhhhh oughhhhh and i just feel so awful all the time like my resting heart rate has gone crazy which tbf might be the new adhd meds but man theres just so much shit going on. every time i get a text from literally anyone i want toccry because i feel like they are upset with me or going to ask something from me that i cannot give right now and actually it feels that responding to messages is something i cannot give right now but also im so desperate for connection because i feel so deathly so i am frantically spamming the discord with annoying shit like Hi!!!! Hi!!!!Hi!!!!! everything is so intense and urgent and shaky i feel explosive and out of control i need to MOVE HOUSES i need christmas break i need to lay down and for all of my friends to lay on top of me like a weighted blanket of friendship . we did that on my bday last year like 6 friends i think maybe ill ask for that again on my bday this year it was very calming. breathe breathe breathe baby youre brave you're strong you're doing it youre a bomb ass therapist and your colleagues are gonna love you for bringing them lebkuchen
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i cannot help but become irritated when im near her. i know that is a toxic thing to say; i know its unhealthy for me. it just... happens
i tried to have a good day today because i was going out with my sister and b-i-l for my birthday and eating later with my whole immediate family. i did have fun! we bowled for 2hrs, went to a japanese bakery and got my birthday cake n some more treats, and i went to get milk tea.
everything was fine until i was near my mom.
i dont know what it is about her, but whenever im away from her for hours n i come back home, it just.... i just get so irritated.
i try to not talk so i dont get her irritated, but that always makes her go "aww, is someone mad?" or "why are you so pissed off for no reason" or gives me a look that shows shes seeing red.
on the way home from dinner, my parents were talking about a house that someone moved out of; they each gave different addresses for the house. my mom *insisted* she was correct, and--even though my dad literally said he may be wrong n doesnt rlly care abt the address--kept arguing that my dad was wrong and upset.
one thing abt my mom that i despise: EVERY SINGLE TIME you "irritate her soul" she will rant abt how much she hates you and at the end WITHOUT FAIL says "fucking trash bag bitch". what comes after that depends on the person... for me she'll say "fucking trash bag bitch, youre so fucking [r slur]" and for my dad she'll say "fucking trash bag bitch, child molesting mother fucker". there is one thats universal though which is "fucking trash bag bitch, i hope you fucking die"
oh! another thing abt that, SHE WILL LITERALLY SAY THAT ABT RANDOM PPL SHE SEES ON THE STREET AND ARE MINDING THEIR FUCKING BUSINESS
anyway, back to my story! while she was arguing w my dad (after telling me theyre not arguing) she said her signature line i stated above.
my dad went into the gas station after she said that to him and heres where i come in!
she was ranting to me "your dad get so upset over every little thing"
i said "well, you do that too"
she said "no he's just mad cuz he's wrong....he never fucking listens..."
*dad comes back to the car with 3 cigarette packs instead of 2 (my dad went into the gas station 4 my mom)*
"...again, he never fucking listens! he just hears what he wants to hear"
"yeah, i dont rlly want to listen to you rn. plus, all you said was 'cigarettes' you didnt say an amount"
"yes i did! i said '2 cigarettes'"
me: "no u only said 'cigarettes'"
mom: "dad, why are you mad?"
"because you keep going on abt something that doesnt matter to me!"
"no, its because youre wrong. youre all mad because youre wrong"
"no im not!"
*i look at the house through maps and tell them the correct address*
mom: "[my first name] shut the fuck up before you become homeless because youre getting real close"
dad: "stop fucking saying that! youre not kicking my daughter outm regardless, shes never gonna be fucking homeless"
*we get home*
dad: "i forgot to get smth to drink because of you"
mom: "yeah, you can get one of those little bottles [of alcohol] like you do every night" (my dad is a recovered alcoholic)
i told her she was irritating 🧍
she said "move tf out then"
i said "im trying to" (because i am)
im sitting in my room now wanting to scream, cry, fight. i feel so fucking .... tense. i feel tense. im so tired of having to deal with my mom. as much as living w a man by myself (even my dad) scared tf out of me, im so tempted to move into his tiny ass apartment and sleep in the living room. i cant live her anymore!!!
me n my friend have been talking abt getting an apartment/go apartment searching after i recover from my procedure that im having next week.
i need to room w her. i need to live w someone that doesnt fucking hate me! i need to save up every paycheck im having. even tho i go on a vacation end-october, im moving out and im going low-contact w my mom. i cannot deal w her anymore. i will get my license in a month/month-half time. im determined. i need to do anything to get away from her
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heyo, it’s me pretty anon. (i like it better than bully anon too :))
i think i fucked up
so, i’ll keep this simple since i need to go to bed cause it’s like 4:30am and i get up at 8 lmao.
since the cruise my dad and step-mom decided to physically split as well. my dad is signing for a divorced in the next couple of days. my step-mom is in a completely different state rn with her youngest daughter and mother. my mom mom doesn’t know about the divorced and honestly i think no one’s told her since we don’t wanna hear it.
so um, i haven’t really gotten a chance to talk to anyone about this stuff since i live in a small town and everyone knows everyone yknow? so firstly, thank you for letting me vent. it’s nice to talk to someone the same age anonymously. you give good advice.
anyway, all of this has kinda been building up on me, which is super weird cause i thought i wouldn’t care. i’m a senior in high school rn so it’s not like i can’t go visit her once i graduate. and my dad and step mom are both encouraging me to keep up a relationship with her. she wasn’t really around much and when she was it was only ever good one on one since with my dad it would be borderline abusive. (or maybe actually abusive, i’m not really sure i know how to identify it. it just seems normal to me)
my dad also asked me if i had contacted my step mom like a couple days after she left. i’d been wanting to but i had no idea what to say to her. so i didn’t. he said to me, and i don’t think i’ll ever forget this, “oh. i thought you loved her.” in the most casual tone. my heart is broken. i got really upset with him and he literally could not comprehend why. i’m starting to second guess myself if i loved her or not. i know for a fact that i did, but does she know it?
so yknow the new ios 16 update? weird change of pace i know but i swear it’s important. well i just decided like an hour ago to get it and i fucking hate it. fun fact, if you have spotify on and your phone turns off then they change YOUR LOCKSCREEN to match the spotify song. wtf. well i started off hating it cause i had to scroll through over 2,000 photos just to find the exact same ones i was currently using (it’s venti and xiao btw) and i started hyperventilating.
well i was doing my daydreams when i realized the spotify thing. and i completely stopped. i had a full blown panic attack for at least 45 minutes. i was hyperventilating so hard i honestly thought i was going to passed out. i later down so i at least wouldn’t fall and everything.
i think i panicked because of all the penh up emotions that i have going on rn.
after i finally calmed down, i went over to plug in my chrome book for school. and then i remembered i had an eyebrow razor in my backpack…
i think you know what i meant when i said i fucked up.
it was only four cuts. not deep enough to draw blood except for one, all tiny on my thigh where no one can see them. i can’t believe i did it though. and the worst part, the absolute worst part is, the relief i felt? it’s like i actually have control.
i know you said the ice cube method. i’ve actually told other freinds going through a hard time about it too. but at the moment, i just wasn’t thinking straight.
im scared im gonna do it again. any ideas on what i should do? lol
with love, pretty anon
HELLO PRETTY <33 I'm so sososososo sorry for answering this so late but!
tw: self harm, relapses, sensitive topics
It's completely valid and I cannot fault you for relapsing it is a very normal part of healing. So long as you get back up, everything will be okay I promise.
But! I remembered an app that I had come across some years ago. I forgot the name and when I tried to look it up i found calm harm.
The app I thought of describes self harm as a wave. The want to harm yourself flows in and then out. It comes and goes. The trick is to distract yourself before the feeling takes over your actions. Calm Harm definitely helps with it from what I've seen. I've never tried these apps though. There are also counters that count how long you've gone without cutting if that kind of thing helps.
Would definitely recommend! As well as watching videos or creating a playlist full of videos/songs that make you happy! Find something that makes you happy and hold onto it for when you need it! I can completely understand not being in the right state of mind and forgetting it which is why you should have it on your phone so you can access it before you can access something else. It also helps if you're ever in public - or even in private - and need to calm down.
Gather resources to prepare for these down times. It'll help!
I understand that self harm can feel good, god trust me I know, but it's not worth it. There are other things that can make you feel better than self harm can. And I can't speak for you but after I self harm I just feel so much shame?? And fear?? Mostly because I don't want someone to find them but I just feel ashamed.
I can't explain it and I really don't have much room to talk because I'm still stuck in self harm. But if it means anything, I would be very proud to see you heal from this <3
I'm glad you can talk about this anonymously but if you ever need to talk to me one on one my dms are always open <3
Take care! And I'm sorry for answering so late, I hope you're okay <33
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maybe later on we could have a better look into billy's psychosis?
i would never survive this cause my psychosis makes me so paranoid sometimes i cannot leave my house. if someone so much as hinted anyone as the killer it would be game over, i can't sleep, i think everything is poisoned and im convinced im always being followed. i can recognise when it's a delusion normally but that doesn't make it any less real. if you tell someone with psychosis that there hallucinations/delusions are not real it's very bad, it's like if someone told you that the sky doesn't exist.
a thing with my psychosis that i would like to think billy experiences is forgetting. i don't want him to be in distress but i would quite like some representation because i want to relate to him more. if someone has hurt me or made me upset sometimes i will just forget. i will associate them with pain but i won't remember what they have done, it really sucks. i most likely remember after a while though. it just feels invalidating and i think that i did something. sometimes i have an episode or really bad anger and my coping is pretty self destructive.
if you don't think it's right for his character or this didn't make sense then ignore me. i hope you are doing well, i love your writing. <3
Sorry, I've had such a busy week! Grandpa in the hospital with pneumonia, driving 30 min away twice a day everyday to take care of his pets, family friend has uterine cancer and my mom is driving her to her surgery and were both helping her out at home this week and weirdly enough my great uncle had been battling cancer for 5 years (Terminal. He's on his death bed basically. He only weighs 95 lbs now.) and has medical psychosis now.
His body has been through so much that one day his mind just snapped for lack of a better word. He walked in the hospital fine and completely his regular self before a surgery and then within an hour of waiting he started screaming and thrashing that he was in a bus and kids were going to get ran over. It scared my aunt to death bc he wasn't my uncle in that moment and none of us have ever seen him like that before. He's home and doing much better. He knows who you are has complete clarity but he is absolutely terrified now of my aunt leaving his side 💔 He got so angry and scared when she left and one of us watched him in her place (He can't hardly walk) but yet that day he made all these appointments and paid bills before my aunt even got up and made a ton of phone calls he just doesn't want her to ever leave...Ik I shouldn't laugh but I gotta find something to laugh about in this situation and he was talking to us calm as can be on the phone and just casually mentioned. "Yeah, ya know she has me in a box underground, right? These fucking abortion nurses are stealing fetuses and they got me locked in a god damn box bc they couldn't steal mine."
...We just rolled with it but omfg I'm glad we know he has psychosis rn bc I can't imagine a stranger calling me and telling me that 🥴☠️ I just have to laugh and so did my aunt bc she's so defeated and tired seeing him like that and taking care of him that we have to find some humor in this especially since he's not scared about it just not connecting certain dots and he only gets scared when she leaves for groceries or anything like that bc that's when the paranoia sets in. And it's just disheartening to see him in this mental state sometimes
I know that psychosis is different in everyone and medical psychosis might not be the same as the psychosis you're dealing with and that there's varying levels and that most psychosis especially medical or stress can go away within time and on proper medication. Now, idk much about psychosis brought on by having other psychological disorders or if there are forms of psychosis that never goes away?? I'm more than eager to learn from your perspective bc I definitely hc Billy is my story as having psychosis similar to his future daughter Sam but he just won't admit it and that maybe it's lessened since his Mom's death or gotten worse; either way. Maybe both? Bc now I could see his paranoia heightening from cops, betrayal, etc.
Sadly tho, this story is from YN POV
I fully understand wanting to relate to him but I feel like that can be hard to do bc from not only who I've known irl with psychosis and what I'm trying to educate myself on is everyone's symptoms and degrees of the symptoms are different. Plus, it's hard to do with YN being the POV and the only canon mental issues she has is PTSD, Anxiety and probably High Functioning Depression from what she's went through (Of course anyone is free to add in their own to personalize the experience while reading) and people thought she had psychosis from Billy and Stu purposely trying to make her doubt herself as well as others doubt her in Windsor. So, that makes it hard to show Billy's POV in detail.
I'm sure tho later on a short story will come along the way and I really appreciate you taking the time to tell me your experience with psychosis so I can add it into Billy's character. 🖤🖤🖤
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Bedtime Reassurances
[image credit to @aloneandblueascanbe, pls let me know if you want it removed!]
pairing: frankie morales x gn!reader
words: 1.8k
content: one innuendo / reference to sex so 18+ only please, job related anxiety, mentions of a pandemic, one bad word, i switch from present and past tense sorry, another comfort fic but at this point is anyone surprised, soft gentle touches, verbal affirmations, frankie just being the best most encouraging bf in the world
a/n: okay so this is very similar to the other frankie fic i wrote, but i actually wrote this one first and this one has some lines that im really proud of, so i figured i’d share this one anyways!! i hope y’all enjoy this, and thank you so SO much to everyone who read my first frankie fic, seriously i cannot believe how much interest it got and i am constantly blown away by how incredible y’all are 💜💜💜 p.s. my taglists are a mess rn so don’t feel obligated to interact, and pls speak up if you want to be added or removed!
Frankie hums under his breath a little as he walks up the stairs. The two of you had just finished watching a new movie and his spirits were pretty high (although part of that might have been because of your reactions to the movie- your laughter, your smiles, your head bobbing to the catchy music). He flicked off the hallway light before entering you room, at which he promptly paused at seeing you perched on the bed wiping your eyes.
“Sweetheart?” he questions, and you look over at him before sitting up and blinking furiously. “Hey, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” He quickly takes a few steps over to you, but his hands hover by your sides to gauge your reaction to his sudden nearness before moving forward to slide them around your back. The last thing he wanted to do was move too fast and cause you to flinch.
“It’s nothing, I’m fine, I was just-,” you cut yourself off to take a stuttery inhale and a shaky exhale. “Just thinking, it’s not even related to anything.” Frankie tilted his head at you sympathetically as his mouth twisted into a small smile.
“If it has you this upset, I know it’s not nothing,” he paused, giving you a moment to process his words. “[y/n]” he whispered, and at hearing your name you look up to meet his eyes. “It’s me,” he said, with nothing but love and concern in his eyes. “You can talk to me. Please.” You blinked at him a couple times, and took a deep breath.
“I, um,” you stuttered and turned your eyes down, and you felt Frankie’s hand rub up and down your back. After a few deep breaths, you spoke. “I just started thinking about work again, and job hunting has been so stressful. And it all seems so scary. And I know it’s not, and I know I’m overthinking it, but I’m just so tired of starting over. And I’m just tired of not feeling good enough. And I’m sure these feelings are way too complicated over just a new job, but I’m just tired of constantly doing different things, and I know this is just the adjustment period making me feel this way, but I just want to be good at something, just one thing, and just do that one thing long enough to actually feel good about how I do that thing,” you paused to take a few deep breaths and at some point during your rambling you must have grabbed onto Frankie because both of your hands were gripping the front of his shirt. You loosened your grip a little and in response he held you a little tighter. As you met Frankie’s eyes for the first time, you couldn’t help but let out the small whimper at the pure understanding and love from him. It’s still so hard to believe that someone could look at you like that even in such a state. He brought one of his hands up to cup your cheek, and the other one wrapped around your waist.
“I’ve got you,” he said, and there was no way to not believe him when he was looking at you like that. “Just let it all out.”
“I’m afraid, but I’m also tired of being afraid, and I’m tired of not being good enough, and I’m just tired,” you laughed a little, even as tears filled your eyes. “I just want to be good enough.” Frankie’s heart cracks at your words, and as your eyes fill with tears, he feels his eyes start to sting too.
“Mi corazón. I promise you, every single person around you can see just how hard you’re trying. I know sometimes it’s hard for you to see, but every day I am in awe of just how much you do.” He sees your face scrunch up in the telltale way when you try to argue with him, so he tilts down to give you a soft kiss, and when he pulls away he can tell that put you in enough of a daze for him to keep going without you interrupting. “Despite what you struggle with, you get up and you help others, and you work on bettering yourself as a person, and you get stronger and kinder and more loving every single day. And every day I am beyond thankful that you let me into your life, that I get to be with you in the big moments and in the small moments, that I get to experience life through your eyes, because you see the world in such a way that it makes me feel so so young.” That gets a small smile from you, and now Frankie feels like he’s on a roll. “You’re kind to me and you’re kind to strangers and you’re even learning to be kind to yourself. You’re taking on the challenge of becoming a better person while also going after a new job while also doing it during a freaking pandemic.” Your breath hitches at that and while he doesn’t want to upset you, he never wants to upset you, he needs you to know this. “You think you’re behind everyone but you are leagues ahead in areas that some people aren’t gonna realize are important until years from now. And you’re doing that in a world where that isn’t the normal. And baby I am so proud of you,” he chokes up a little at that, and he sees worry creep up into your eyes as your hands come up to cup his cheeks, and ever so gently stroke the spot just below his eyes, already ready to wipe away any tears that might stray. “You are a wonderful person, a wonderful friend, and an even more wonderful lover. And I want you to go to bed, and wake up, and spend every minute of every day knowing that I love you so much and that there is so much good in you, and that you are stronger than any of your fears or anxieties or reservations, and that if you ever feel stuck I will always-,” he bumps his forehead against yours and he looks at you so head on that in that moment you feel he is looking straight into you, that he really does see everything he says he does, “-always, be right there by your side helping you out of the situation because I. Love. You.”
The first thing you noticed were his hands on your face, mostly because the pressure had increased, not in an uncomfortable way, just in a more noticeable way. And then you noticed the way his chest was moving, like saying everything he did genuinely winded him. And then you noticed his eyes, which if your being honest was probably the first thing you noticed because there’s no way not to: their deep, rich color with more depth than any other eyes you’ve ever seen, the almost imperceptible sparkle to them, because somehow this man’s eyes just sparkle, and the way that his eyes are the definition of love and compassion and trust, because there is no other way to describe them.
“Oh my gosh,” you whisper, because how on earth do you respond to that? As you wrap your arms around the back of his neck again and drag him down to kiss him, he pulls you closer as your lips touch and you press further into him because the need to have him so impossibly close is overwhelming. He breaks away for only a second before leaning back in, and he tilts you back to deepen the kiss. Your legs come up to wrap around his and he lowers you slowly all the way down onto the bed. When you break away you keep your hands firmly locked around the back of his head, keeping his forehead pressed to yours as you both catch your breath. “I love you so much,” you finally say, keeping your eyes locked on his. “I love you so dang much and sometimes I still can’t believe you’re here, with me, in our house, with me.”
“You better believe it baby, cuz there’s no getting rid of me,” his mouth cracking into a lazy smile as he nudges his strong nose against yours.
“Never,” you say, much more seriously than his joking tone warrants, but you need him to know, especially after everything he said. “I never want to get rid of you. I need you. I love you.” His eyes soften and while his teasing tone leaves, his smile never does.
“You’ll make it through this sweetheart, I promise. I’m here every step of the way.”
You beam at him, “Thank you Frankie. For everything. Everything.” Your eyes start to droop and he places a quick kiss on your nose before backing away to pull down the covers. You crawl up to the pillows, barely even acknowledging your own side in favor of his. He chuckles and crosses over to the other side, and when he’s under he cuddles you close before pulling up the blanket and securing it around you. “Tomorrow’s a new day, and somebody needs their beauty sleep to tackle their to do list.” You hum contentedly, wrapping your arms around him and slotting your head under his chin. His arms wrap around yours as he presses a kiss to your forehead and noses your hair.
“Well, you are definitely on my to do list because holy shit someone deserves some good sex for what you said,” you half mumble under your breath, and as Frankie breaks into a laugh he tries not to jostle you too much, but you caught him off guard and now he’s pretty much full on laughing, in the way that makes your heart clench a little because you love him and his beautiful laugh so dang much, the laugh that gives you so much pride because you’re the one that made it happen. When he settles down he pulls away slightly to look at you, and you are positively beaming at him, clearly proud of that joke you were able to come up with half asleep.
“Well there’s my [y/n],” he says in that deep raspy voice that only makes you smile more. He leans in to give your forehead a slow kiss.
“Thanks for finding me,” you whisper as you look up at him.
“Ehh, you’ve trusted me with most of your hiding spots, so I’ve gotten pretty good.” You prop yourself up on your elbow and place your hand on the side of his face to get a good look at him.
“But seriously Frankie, thank you. You always know exactly what to say, and I am so unbelievably grateful for you in so many ways.” His face goes as soft as he turns to give your palm a soft kiss, and you lean in one more time to kiss him properly before resuming your position. He gives you a gentle squeeze and it isn’t long until you’re drifting off to sleep in the arms of your love.
tag list: @keeper0fthestars, @scribbledghost, @icanbringyouincold, @bestintheparsec-reads, @ezrasarm, @andriecastana, @tweedlydumbtweedlydoo, @murdermewithbooks, @remmysrecs, @lv7867
#frankie morales x reader#frankie morales x you#frankie morales x gn!reader#frankie morales#triple frontier#my writing#once again i am asking yall HOW YALL COME UP WITH TITLES CUZ I SAT HERE FOREVER THINKING OF ONE LOL#maybe this isn't the best time to post this but im tiring of just looking at it in my drafts#why is posting fic so uncomfy ahsfjkdshfjks#ANYWAYS ENJOY <3
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Okay so i'm feeling pretty bad atm because my best friend replaced me and i need some fluffy rn. How about hcs for the reader being coldly abandoned by their previous best friend. Believing she is alone, she falls to her knees and cries outside in the middle of the rain. A moment later, she glances over to see Bakugou, Kirishima and Shinsou behind them trying their best to cover her from the rain with their jacket. Thank you♡
COMFORTING YOU AFTER A FRIENDSHIP ENDS HEADCANNONS + SCENARIOS
[ft. bakugo katuski, kirishima ejirou, shinsou hitoshi]
SUMMARY: In which you are abandoned by your closest friend and are found by the boys.
WORD COUNT: 2.7k
WARNINGS: mentions of murder, mean friends, me being violent, y/n has those main character moments in the rain its nice,
A/N: bb im so sorry that they did that,,, please know that im here if you need anything and i will fight this person :D with your permission of course.
BAKUGOU KATSUKI
your so called friend ended up ditching you
im going to throw hands literally
you end up leaving the café you have been waiting for her in, near tears, and as if it can’t get any worse, you have no ride home, so naturally, you are now walking whilst trying to keep from crying
you’re about half a mile from UA, the hill is visible in the distance and you are very relieved because you just wanna cry in your bed
then it starts to rain
so yeah it did get worse
out of frustration and the built up sadness, you just kinda start crying, coming to a stop and falling to a seat at the side of the road
you felt so alone, the one person you thought would always be around he replaced you
clearly they didn’t feel the same
meanwhile, katuski is running with his jacket above his head, cursing out the skies
and then he spots someone crying in the rain, he initially thinks nothing of it, until he realizes its you
the girl who he “begrudgingly” helped study on weekends, the one who he was up until 2AM with, even though he slept like a grandpa
now he’s cursing for a different reason, he comes over to you
he is gonna wanna kill someone when he finds out and tbh you should let him but thats just me
in the past, people have abandoned him due to his personality, and though it hurt in the moment, he got over it pretty quickly
and tbh, most of the time he had a little squad of jerks following him around so he didn’t really care abt anyone else.
Staring at the text she’d just recieved, Y/N let out a shaky breath, trying to compose herself. Her so called best friend wasn’t coming, and would never be coming again. Apparently she had better things to do than hangout with some wannabe hero. Blinking away the tears, Y/N stood making her way to the exit of the shop, she stepped outside.
She was beginning to regret ever leaving the UA campus, because at this point she’d much rather be crying in bed rather than in public. Y/N was suddenly grateful that the café was relatively close as she speedily walked down the sidewalk.
The one person she thought would be there for her through everything, through all the pain and joy and anything in between, was gone. Great.
At least it couldn’t get worse than this, she decided as she saw the UA Campus in the distance, relief flooding her as her pace quickened.
Then she saw lightning in the distance, thunder rattling in the sky, Y/N couldn’t help but wince. As water began to poor over her she paused her steps, exhaling deeply as she looked up at the sky.
Then the tears began to fall, a hand coming to her mouth to quiet the sobs escaping her as she fell to the ground, seating herself at the side of the road, Y/N felt her body shake as she tried to force herself to even out her breathing.
Meanwhile, Katsuki was cursing out the skies, he’ been on his way back from visiting his parents when it began to pour. Immediately bringing his jacket over his body to try and shield himself from the brunt of the rain as he ran through the now empty streets. Save for one shaking person on the side of the road, causing him to raise a brow at, it was pouring rain and they were just sitting there?
He slowed temporarily to try and get a better understanding of what was going on, only to realize he recognized the person. Y/N. His classmate, the one he begrudgingly tutored on the weekend, the one he cursed out when she forgot to eat, the one who kept him up until 2AM even though his bedtime was normally 9PM.
Katsuki grimaced, coming up behind her with his jacket overhead to try and shield her from the rain as he spoke, “what the hell are you doing out right now? You’re gonna get sick.”
Y/N jumped at the sudden voice behind her, though she knew it was Katsuki, she turned to see he was holding his jacket over the two of them, the red of her eyes a dead giveaway that she’d been crying. She couldn’t bring herself to speak as she looked up at him in shock. What was he doing here?
Katsuki’s face fell as his eyes scanned her for injuries, “who did this to you?” He wasn’t the best when it came to comfort, and he feared that would show as he began to interrogate her.
Blinking Y/N realized what she must’ve looked like, trying to shake off the feelings she was experiencing she spoke, “we should go.” Wiping the water from her face, she moved to stand, and Katuski moved with her, his eyes still on her face.
“Hold this side of the jacket.” He ordered, and she did as she was told, bringing one hand up to the left side of the jacket, which was now soaked in water and doing little to help. This action provided Katsuki with a freehand to put on the small of her back and push her forward rather aggressively. He lead them to a small grocery store on the street, pushing the door open.
They were dripping wet, and looking up at Katsuki, who had returned to interrogating her, Y/N couldn’t help it when more tears leaked out of her eyes and she lunged forwards to tackle him in a hug.
He quickly shut up, body stiffening momentarily before he allowed his hands to wrap around her waist and return the hug. “Thank you,” she mumbled, burying her head in his chest.
Brows furrowed, Katsuki scoffed, “yeah, yeah. Whatever.” He turned to the view the rest of the store, “pick out some food, I’ll cook you something when we get back.”
Looking up at him, her mouth gaped open, “are you serious?”
“Did I stutter, you idiot?”
kirishima ejirou
okay so
kirishima definitely is gonna hound you with questions when he finds you crying
like he cannot allow his bb to cry
not that you know you are his bb but like
it would be unmanly of him to just leave you in such a state so he does his best to comfort you.
has likely never experienced something like this so he can’t really empathize with you but he’ll try
basically tries to make you smile and laugh the entire time you are upset
contemplates talking to the girls for help, but he doesn’t know if you want others involved
instead texts them how girls like to be treated when sad but in a very vague way and tries to pass it off as some obscure tik tok trend
they go along with it, thankfully, mina has a major obsesssion though so shes upset she didn’t know about this trend
thats how kirishima accidentally started a tik tok trend
will respectfully commit a murder
respectfully
i’ll help
least likely to acc go through with murder tho
he’s going to try his best
also goes the food route, based off his studies via the “tik tok trend” and he will gladly hold you
Exiting the convenience store with a plastic bag of candy in hand, Kirishima sighed. He’d been out longer than anticipated, and it was already getting dark. The grey clouds above signaling the possibility of rain, Kirishima grimaced, he needed to get back to UA quickly.
He’d intended to have a movie night with the rest of the Bakusquad that night, and maybe even invite Y/N. He’d been trying to work up the courage to finally ask her out, but it hadn’t been going well. He didn’t feel very manly each time he chickened out, and Kaminari’s teasing didn’t help at all, escaping him was the main reason Kirishima agreed to pick up the candy that day.
Sighing, Kirishima continued to walk, though the rain came faster, pouring down onto him as he groaned in annoyance, hoping that it wouldn’t damage his snacks as he pulled his jacket off to provide himself with some cover. Though it wasn’t very helpful, it was better than nothing.
He begins to speed up, jogging slightly when he notices someone on the curb, seated. Kirishima frowns, moving behind them and bringing his jacket over them, “hey, what are you doing?” Considering how much it was raining now, and the sound of the thunder overhead, he figured the storm that was coming would only get worse. Being outside was the worst idea. And as a hero in training, he simply couldn’t allow this action.
The mysterious person turns around, and Kirishima suddenly realizes its his classmate, his frown only deepening when he sees her swollen eyes. “Kirishima? She says, confusion clear in her tone as she looks up at him, eyes wide. They knew each other fairly well, though he could be shy at times, he was fun, and nice. And of course, rather respectful during all their interactions, she liked him.
Kirishima pauses before finding himself sitting beside her in the pouring rain and allowing the water to hit him as he lowered his jacket, pulling a candy bar from his bag. “What’s wrong?” He asked, extending the candy to her. Though it would likely react poorly should she open it and the candy came in contact with the rain, it was the thought that counted.
Y/N’s mouth gaped open as she smiled sadly at him, taking the candy bar from him, “thank you.” She whispered, “it doesn’t really matter anymore, though.” She looks up at the sky, water cascading down her face as she inahles deeply.
Suddenly, Kirishima’s hand is in hers, “it’s bothering you, so obviously it matters.” He tugs her hand to get her to stand up alongside him, “and it wouldn’t be very manly of me to leave a pretty lady out in the rain.”
A laugh escaped Y/N at this, “and I could never force a handsome man like yourself to stay out in rain.” Comes her reply, “let’s go.”
She wasn’t alone. Not while she had him.
shinsou hitoshi
WELL
definitely the best at comforting someone especially with something like this
feeds you sweets because food makes everything better, will be affectionate just for this instance because he knows you just want some love during this time
the best to talk to about it tbh, he’s very good at giving advice and listening to your problems
i feel like shinsou has probably experienced something similar in the past and he’s gonna understand what you are feeling
won’t try to make you open up but you’ll want to, he has a comforting presence
very calm about it, gently speaks with you and guides your actions, makes sure you take care of yourself if you are in a really bad place
once you’ve stopped crying he’ll ask you what happened and should you tell him he’ll honestly be VERY mad
like why would someone do that to an ANGEL like YOU???
is genuinely confused and potentially in a murderous mood
and he has the quirk to get away with it
wants to go off on this person though, desperately, and should he ever run into them they are going to get a piece of his mind
a really really mean piece of his mind
Shinsou frowned as he felt a droplet of water fall onto his head, realizing that rain would likely come soon, he picked up the pace of his walk. He’d been out at the bookstore, and was suddenly grateful that he hadn’t bought anything as he watched everyone in the shopping center begin to retreat to their cars and into shops.
He watched a lightning flashed in the distance, brows furrowing at the realization that a storm was coming when thunder accompanied the sight and pouring rain soon followed. UA wasn’t far, but he didn’t really want to have to run in the rain up the hill the school had been built upon.
Turning a corner, his eyes scanned the area in search of a shop he could wait out the storm in when they fell on the figure of someone seated in the rain, no umbrella or hood to protect them from the downfall, and their body shaking.
Then he recognized the hoodie. It was his actually, and he knew exactly who he’d lent it to.
Y/N L/N. The pretty girl in the hero course who’d threatened anyone who spoke poorly of him, defending his honor even though he never asked. She was always kind to him, even when they weren’t the closest of friends. Though that had changed, the pair now talking almost daily about a variety of things, something Shinsou was grateful for.
Questions flood his mind as he removes his jacket and brings it above him, going over to her, and when he’s close enough he can hear her small sobs, barely muffled by the palm of her hand. Shinsou can’t help but feel concerned as he brings his jacket above her to shield her from the rain, “hey, let’s go.” He mumbles gently.
Y/N looks up at him, her eyes red and puffy, and if it weren’t pouring Shinsou would’ve hugged her right there. “What are you doing?” When she’d simply collapsed in the rain, her emotions overwhelming her, she hadn’t assumed Shinsou would randomly appear.
“Getting you out of the rain.” Came his response, “come on, we can wait out the storm in the café.” Shinsou would’ve extended a hand had he not be preoccupied by holding up his jacket, which was now soaking through.
Sniffing, she nodded, “yeah, you’re right.” She stands, and he follows her movements, jacket never leaving her figure as the pair makes their way to the door of the café. Y/N pushes the door open, and they both enter, allowing him to finally put the jacket above his head down, though it started soaking onto the floor.
He threw it outside, much to Y/N’s shock, “I don’t wanna dirty the floor.” Shinsou explained nonchalantly, his purple hair sticking to his forehead. “Have you eaten?”
“Sorry about your hoodie.” She mumbled, at they moved out of the way of the entrance.
Raising a brow, he extended a hand, “that didn’t answer my question.”
Y/N’s brows furrowed as she looked to his hand, tilting her head in confusion as she placed her hand into his, Shinsou gave her a small smile before leading her to the line of the café as she replied, “no. I didn’t.”
His brows draw together as she looks at her, she seems resigned, quieter than normal. “How about a muffin then? Or maybe a cupcake?” He peers into the display window, squinting at the variety of foods. “I say cupcakes,” In his experience, sugary foods always made things better, to an extent at least.
Giving him a tight lipped smile, she nodded, “sure.” He was trying. It was better than nothing if she was honest. Considering the fact that her best friend had abandoned her today, it was a nice reminder, that she wasn’t alone. She had other people, regardless of what had happened.
Shinsou’s eyes met hers as he sighed, bringing his free hand to the back of his neck, “you wanna talk about it?” He knew they’d have to address it at some point, there was no denying that she had clearly been crying, something had upset her.
Shaking her head, Y/N pulled him closer using their joined hands and brought him into a hug, “not right now.” It was an oddly intimate moment, despite the fact that they were in public.
Regardless, he pulls her tightly against him, wrapping his arms around her protectively as he responds, “alright.
A/N: if anyone ever needs to talk or anything pls know im here! my dms are always open to anyone for anything :D
anyways, remember to sleep well, eat food, and drink water!
#bakugou x reader#shinsou x reader#kirishima x reader#bakugo x reader#shinso x reader#bakugo katsuki x reader#bakugou katsuki x reader#shinso hitoshi x reader#kirishima ejirou x reader#shinsou hitoshi x reader#hitoshi x reader#katsuki x reader#ejirou x reader#ejiro x reader#ejirou kirishima x reader#ejiro kirishima x reader#katsuki bakugou x reader#katsuki bakugo x reader#hitoshi shinso x reader#hitoshi shinsou x reader#x reader#hitoshi x you#katsuki x you#kirishima x you
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Brothers anon, it makes me really happy and comforts me that you enjoy reading what I submit. It makes me really happy to write all of this and finally be able to tell someone my ideas. Thank you so much.
At first he kept trying to deny the father figure role, but when one night Jackie had a nightmare and came to him and ended up calling him dad, he stopped denying it and accepted it. And once he accepted it he did basically adopt all of them. Jackie and Grievous are literally chaos incarnate most days. They regularly love to prank the contestants and just act insane. Ran and Jackie just kind of hang around eachother, like Ran could be reading and Jackie training and they'd enjoy eachothers company. They do sometimes nap next to eachother, or play card games (which is a rare instance where Ran gets (playfully) rilled up and competitive). Grievous and Ran bonding sadly gets interrupted when Ranbob suddenly drops in, but before that Grievous would try to talk to Ran about what book he's reading and just try to make conversation with him.
Oh the height difference definitely remains. And its both terrifying and hailours to new people. It's even better when it's a 2v2 fight because Jackie has a habit of just climbing Ran like a monkey gym and sitting on his shoulders and its terrifying.
Well, since the drinking age is 3, I personally think the age limit is like 14 or something close. I believe I made their ages as Ran is 19 (almost 20. Maybe 4 months away), Jackie is 16, Watson is 30 something, Grievous is 22, and Ranbob is 28 (Ran is younger than his brother by 9 years) I have written down all their ages somewhere (and the ages where the events of Mizu took place) and if I got any wrong I will submit another ask with their ages. The other gladiators have managed to keep good relationships with most of eachother. A few like Grievous and Genevieve are close, Edward, Levi, and Watson are drinking buddies. Lagguis sadly isn't as involved cause he is sick and can't vist often at all. (I think I got everyone. Tell me if I missed anyone please, I cant check cause whenever I exit tumblr, tumblr deletes everything in my ask :') )
I dont have many rules for the Pit rn but I do have, no injuries that could cause long term or chronic damage, no sabotaging opponents, no teaming unless its a team round, no blackmail or anything of the sort to force an opponent to forfeit, and in order for a battle to end due to forfeit both sides must agree to it. But the Pit in general is a lot of things, there's fights for money, fame, and positions (like general). There's tournaments meant for nothing other than to show skill and just to fight your heart out. It's open to anyone above 14 and anyone under 80, to people from Subbin to those just passing through.
And there are different battles in the Pit, theres singles, the ones we saw in the Tales of the SMP episode. Teams, where teams of 2 battles against eachother. Free-for-all, where literally everyone fights against eachother. And Ion battles, battles where there are super powered weapons (like flame 2 iron sword. Or strength 3 potions) that spawn in the area at random. Typically Ran and Watson work best toghere, as their strategists and plan everything with back up plans, and they always call out warnings and watch eachothers back so its incredibly hard to actually hit them. And Jackie and Grievous work best toghere, with the two going insane and often taking people by surprise with their unmeasure and randomized movements and attacks.
At the start Ranbob was completely under Dreams thrall, not being able to really think for himself and even foregoing self care. When Ranbob starts to become himself again the fishermen are more than confused and hesitant, with Cletus especially stating multiple times that it may just be a trick. So it takes a while but Isaac actually is the one to suggest maybe it isn't a trick, and has to do with the mask that was found. This is later confirmed when the mask is brought to the group and Ranbob has a massive negative reaction that sets him back to how he was when they first met him.
Im honestly not sure yet, I think I want it to be a 'lets never go back' type thing but im not positive yet.
I dont have a solid backstory for the fishermen, but I know I want a little bit of it to tie to the story. Do you have any ideas for their backstory or nah? I do know I want them to have met eachother while they where in unfortunate situations and because of those they got family level close.
Ranbob doesn't take the little space well at first; staying outside when able too, even though that really upset Benjamin; and Ranbob has no idea how the outside works and has no idea how to read the weather or what he can and cant eat, but hey the enderman boi is trying his best to make up for everything he's done. And trying to build his own house to not impose on the fishermen (much like Ranboo did with Techno), but Benjamin wouldn't accept that and kept dragging him inside. It wasn't that hard for Benjamin, Isaac, and Charles to get used to Ranbob, already being used to sharing a small house, it was more Cletus with him refusing to leave Ranbob alone even for a second because he doesn't trust Ranbob at all.
The two groups actually get along surprisingly well! They like eachother and Watson once said, "It was like a family reunion. Or like long lost siblings finally found their way home."
I am once again not sure! Originally I planned for them to stay in Subbin and in the Pit. But the more I think about it the more boring that is and more I like the idea of the groups traveling toghere in the world.
I like this question! So enderman travel in groups called hauntings right? I personally headcanon the enderman in this group are basically family, biological or not. And ever since Ran and Ranbob lost their family they lost their haunting, which can be mentally damaging to a enderman. Once Ran found Waston, Jackie, and Grievous and started hanging around them more, he started feeling a connection ot them he hasn't felt on a long time. He's claimed them, as his haunting, his family. And he'll defend them with his life against anyone and anything. And then suddenly Ranbob came in, a enderman that should be part of his haunting but isn't, a enderman that killed his previous haunting. So Ran is incredibly defensive over his group, and is trying his best to keep Ranbob as far from his haunting as possible, to protect them.
Now Ranbob also got a haunting, his being Charles, Isaac, Benjamin, and even Cletus. So Ranbob is also defensive over his family. But unlike Ran, Ranbob still considers his brother as part of his haunting, his family (and yes, Ranbob did think Ran was dead when he first chased him out years ago, so he's shocked and relieved that his baby brother is still alive). And he sees how his family gets along so well with Rans family and then starts to even consider Rans haunting part of Ranbob's. Basically Ranbob has a big heart and is willing to accept almost anyone into his family, no matter what they've done.
Yep, the reason Porkius is so interested in Ran is because he's an enderman hybrid. And no one else is a hybrid expect for the two brothers (and Porkius, with him being a piglin hybrid).
Porkius is excited! He's excited to see what happens and is more than happy to agree to help as long as he is kept in the loop. Though unless he's directly asked to be involved he prefers watching from a distance at whats happening. Just so he doesn't get mauled by a pissed off enderman.
Sorry for any spelling mistakes (its late) and its so long! Im probably going to try to shorten them.
I’m glad you’re happy, it’s a nice thing to feel. Your ideas are really cool, and I hope I’ll get to see more of them in the future.
Now, can I simply say how adorable so much of this is? Jackie going to Watson when he had a nightmare, the Rans being protective of their groups, Jackie climbing Ran? I love that, it’s very heartwarming and cute, and it made me smile.
So Watson wasn’t really sure what to do with his new title at first, hm? And then Jackie called him dad? How’d he feel about that? How’d Jackie feel about the slip? Or did he even notice? He’s parenting them all, he’s gonna have a dad voice and everything. How do the adopted ones feel about him embracing it?
Jackie and Grievous, two people to truly fear when they wish to cause havoc. Tremble before them. Do they prank people, or do they just become absolute madmen on the battlefield? Or something else. Honestly, anything with these two just instantly makes me amused.
Jackie and Ran being chill buddies. very nice. Ran getting competitive over card games is a funny thought. Does he win often? Does Jackie? What kind of card games do they play?
Rather sad Ran and Grievous bonding is interrupted, but it’s nice to hear Grievous trying it. Hopefully they’ll get there someday.
Oh my god, it’s the height difference. Jackie getting on Ran’s shoulder sounds absolutely terrifying. Imagine being some poor new guy pitted against these gremlins and the short ones climbs on the tall ones shoulder-both look absolutely gleeful with the destruction they’re about to wreak, and you already know you cannot outrun them.
Jackie...Jackie...he’s da youngest. He’s small, and young, and you have no idea how much I’m laughing at this. I don’t even know why, it’s just really, really funny to me. Probably something to do with what a complete force of chaos we all know this boy is. Oddly fitting, but hilarious. How does Jackie feel about this?
How do the others? Are they a bit more protective over him? Does Ran like to flaunt his three years more over him?
Grievous and Genevieve are buddies! Very nice, they seem to have a good dynamic. Watson, Edward, and Levi also being close? Very interesting, has a lot of potential. I bet they share a lot of funny stories.
So we’ve established the basics of The Pit. Doesn’t seem too bad, for a fighting arena, to be honest. Seems pretty popular, actually. Do the gladiators live there? In the palace? Or do they just have a house somewhere nearby? What kind of establishments and areas are around? Food places, stores?
So Ran and Watson are the scariest team because of their strategy, and Jackie and Grievous are the scariest team because of their randomness? It checks out. I’m curious though, how do the other combinations work out?
Ranbob sounds like he has a less than fun time here, and the poor guy could really use some closure. What’s he like, free from the influence of the mask? He seems pretty close to Benjamin, so at least he’s got that going for him. Though he and Cletus don’t seem to have the strongest bond at first. How is that resolved?
And how does Ran feel about his brother’s new haunting, after everything? I imagine that he’s at least a little bit unhappy with it, for one reason or another-and there’s quite a few reasons for him to pick from.
How did that house-building attempt go, between Ran never being above water, and probably never building a house before? I can’t imagine too well.
Some ideas for backstory, well, hm. Isaac seemed dressed a bit fancier than the others, perhaps he comes from a richer family than the others? That’s about all I’ve got for now, sorry.
It’s nice to hear they got along, who clicks the easiest?
Possible road trip? Always fun.
So, the enderman hybrids have adopted their respective groups as their hauntings. You’ve mentioned Ranbob’s pretty cool with this, how does Ran feel? Obviously, he’s less than pleased with Ranbob, but what about the fishermen? Protective Ran and Ranbob! How protective exactly? Is it subtle, or overbearing at times? Actually, how do their instincts lead to them interacting with their groups overall?
Porkius must not see Ender hybrids too often, if he’s so interested in them. It’s nice that he’s willing to help out though, and his concern is valid. I wouldn’t want an angry enderman hybrid after me either.
Are hybrids not overly common, then, if there’s only Ran, Ranbob, and Porkius around currently, or are they just not mentioned a lot?
Thanks for the ask, a lot of it made me smile. I enjoyed reading it, and I hope you’ll be willing to send more when you have the time.
#dream smp#Brothers AU#dream smp au#tales from the smp#ranbob#ran#jackie#watson#isaac#charles#benjamin#cletus#grievous#porkius
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Getting frustrated, demotivated
I had a bunch of desires I started working on months ago. Then when I felt jd done enough work to feel I had them, I forgot about thrm
And i randomly remembered them and now I feel so frustrated and sad coz the 3d hasn't shown anything to reflect them. They were important desires, but I thought I did enough and so I actually forvot about ghem. I'm really sad now and want to give up this whole manifesting thing. I think I want to go back to my old ways when I was powerless and unhappy cox now it seems everythings going wrong, especially inside me I mean I feel horrible, sad, and like no one understands what im going throu. I have old urges to end everything again
I didn't think I'd be so affected by not having those desires, but theoreticaly I do get the law and maybe saying the 3d isn't showing signs means it's not showing signs coz I'm saying it etc. Um I dont know. It's not even about signs. The desires were all observable things, not invisible like becomjng healthier etc. I know im going with fear and not love and fears not real. Isn't that easier said than done? I heard u say u can also manifest from state of lack and neediness? So I want it to work. I want to I want so many things. I'm just so upset rn sorry
I realy love ur blog
Of course, all of this is much easier said than done. Although you feel alone on this journey, realize that you're not. Many of us have felt the exact same things you have and experienced that exact same things you have. It's just part of the journey. I think that the most important thing, is what we decide to do going forward from these types of moments. Allow yourself to feel the way you do, without judgment. It's not always going to be easy. Sometimes this journey is super painful. There's no denying that. But it's okay, it's all leading you exactly where you want to be.
When you feel like giving up on the law, my best advice for you is to at least not give up on yourself. The gag with this is, you could never give up on the law. Because the law is law, it's always working. We're always manifesting and we cannot stop. However, by turning the attention on ourselves and improving our conception of self, the law is going to reflect this effortlessly. The thing about this approach is that it takes that pressure off of our desires and allows us to go back to the most important part in all of this: ourselves. Because it's our concept of self that is automatically manifesting in the first place.
My best advice for you is to take a step back from your desires and practice the basics. Neville was never trying to teach us how to change the 3D. He was trying to teach us how to change ourselves. So, when going back to the basics this is essentially what you focus on: accepting how you're God of your reality and building confidence/faith in that knowing. Knowing how consciousness is the only reality. Focusing on changing yourself, rather than looking out towards the 3D for evidence of change. The only change you need to make is within, and the only place you need to see progress/validation is within yourself. Practice knowing how you are the fulfillment. Your desires are within you, not outside of you. Your desires reflect back to you in the 3D, when you accept them as yours within. Because the 3D is only ever reflecting our inner world.
Anything you want, you can have. Your desires are a promise. Thing is, the only thing that is ever standing between you and your desires is yourself. The more you focus on yourself, the more you allow the illusions of what you thought was between you and your desires to dissolve. There is no one to change but self. So at the very least, turn your back on everything else. But persist for yourself. I mean, at least your inner world will become a lovelier place. And that counts for something.
Hopefully this is helpful. You can get through this. We're all there with you, persisting on our own journeys too. 💖
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aight. here somes the ask lore thingie
tw for ppl readin: mention of mental illness, father mention
firstly, how did rui end up meetin the rest of the gang? did they all have sum sort of run in? did they just happen to meet on exident?
also is the father a villain? i remember ya mention him, and was wonderin
and do they have a specific place where they stay? like in a dormstory, a single house, do they live in a single town, or in completly different places?
do any of them suffer from mental/physical illnesses? if they do, how does it affect their life/relationships w others?
Aight, so here we go, be ready cuz shit's long.
(1st part - The Rui n the gang meeting; The Shou meeting) No Tw
Honestly, I also kinda wanted to do this for quite a long time, so I'm gonna firstly talk about how the gang (w/o really mentioning the others name's since they're gonna get introduced soon) met itself and decided to form, and then I'll individually do It in Lyva's and Shou's case, specifically Shou's since i mentioned that his meetin was somethin id have to take care of in another post, so i will rn.
First things first, w the whole gang. Now It wasn't really casually, mainly because Lyva n Rui did meet up, but It was during a special occasion still, that being a really important manifestation in one of the main regions in my oc universe. (They don't have name's yet so pls don't bash me🤡) Them being primarly the Forest, where Rui eventually lives in after all of his past shit, the near-countryside part, where Lyva was living, a pretty much city living on water, where Shou's currently living, and many more, as such the dunes with which I'll introduce Qiran (hopefully tomorrow/today),The sea itself, some High up places and as I said many, many other more. Other than this brief intro, they meet up where Lyva used to live, but mainly because of problems and out of conviniance.
Everyone had something to take back from, so they agreed to help eachother to reach that end, so it's all really planned. Now i won't really go w Lyva, cuz i explained how she met Rui the first time n how they helped her, so I don't need to ramble more on this. Now I'm gonna go w Shou's part though.
This Is more of a note i wanted y'all to know first, cuz i really like how Lyva n Rui met him the first time (cuz the second time was when the gang then all agreed to form n all that jazz.). Basically, Rui n Lyva were out, n visiting new places as such, to prepare themselves further and to try and search for more weapons, cuz they both knew that they'd eventually get in trouble, and even though they still are good, they wouldn't stand much a chance, n since Shou's Place is known for its production they decided to go. N fun fact, there's many funny shit that happends, for example Rui tries to touch a fish, but gets SLAPPED by It. They're still mad >:[. Ajkskdj anyways, some other stuff happends n they just, lose themselves. They had a map ofc but still managed to do so. But Rui was usin It so, I don't really blame em for gettin lost.
Shit happends n they find themselves pratically in front of his shrine/palace. Shou's servitors (cuz he saw everything happend from afar n gave them the okay) brought em in, but rather than makin em idk some tea n just making them recouver, Shou rather put them under some "tests" w/o tellin em, to see if they were any use.
For example he brought them some cups of tea, but before drinking them Rui noticed somethin unusual in the water, so they gave Lyva a sign to not drink It, n as Shou asked as a reason why they just replied that they weren't thirsthy, leavin Shou in a kind of defeated state. Bitch if i love this part honestly, there's so much fun to seein all of their reactions, but I'm gonna go brief rn. So other of this tests pass later n Shou eventually gets upset cuz they're all winnin n seemingly makin fun of him, lettin him in a weaket standpoint, n a fight happends. Even though it's a 2v1 situation he can still manage pretty well, so It ends in a draw. They get to talk after this and get to understand that they don't have to necesseraly be on the opposite side, though Shou Is still unsure whether to belive in that or not.
After they leave him, pratically almost alone w only a bunch of servitors helpin him. He admits defeat n won't show up until the event and yadayada. (Also it's during this weak time of his he'll meet Qiran which i already have plans w so it's all goin to be said bout their relationship in their post.)
(2nd part, the father mention.) Tw:father mention
So it's true that w Shou i did mention his father, but I'm not entirely sure bout his involvment honestly. In theory he kind of is a villain itself, even because of his devilish nature, so it's true, but im not sure whether to make him an independent villain or part of a group of them. But rather than that yes, i do want to make him some sort of villain in the end, because that's also part of Shou's agreement to be part of the group. I will make concept art for him so he'll definetly be involved. Not gonna lie, mabye that bastards also involved w Rui's cult too in a way or another but im givin in too many details holy shit I'll never get outta this fuck
(3rd part- where do they live) No Tw
They live in their own homes honestly, but It would be no surprise if they'd all decide to sleep over someone in specifical, though they have their own place. I made some concepts for Rui's intern home, which here It Is 😤 (forgive me for the bad quality but it's 2 am rn 🤡) I made this a while ago but only did Rui's, so I'll do Lyva's, Shou's n the other one's too. They live in different places, for the exception of, atm, Qiran, since I'm gonna say that they're more of a traveller n don't have a stable home.
(4th part- the mental/physical ilnesses) Tw: Self harm and Mental ilness mention
Well, this Is gonna be a ride. They all suffer from Ptsd, which Rui n Shou suffering from It the most. It still affects them all, though in different occasions, so Imma just do them in specifical. (Also because i gotta add some shit to shou that i didn't wanna add because i thought It was too much honestly)
Rui-
It affects them really much. They use crystals n gems to avoid anything going w their past or anything remotely related It, as whenever they feel awful about havin those flashbacks when they still were a child. They never want to talk about what happened, n during their moments It gets really, really bad. Both emotionally and physically, as their body sometimes cannot handle anything so it completely shuts down. They never really got any help for It as Rui's too scared to share bout their experience, both because of trauma itself that doesn't make them say anything even if they wanted to and because of the cults influence, so either way they've got to handle It by their own.
Lyva-
Other than havin to deal w mornin sickness, which Is the least for her, she has to deal w her neglectful childood and how desperate she's always been for litteraly anythin, whether it's related about love,friendship, food, toys, anything. She tried to seek for help and semi found It, but as of now she can't keep up w It and has better things to take care of. It's still really bad overall, but she's hoping for things to get better. Spoiler It really won't.
Shou-
⭕Tw for sh⭕
It's... really fucking bad. I'm gonna get outta this w saying something i didn't want to add because it's really triggerin, but im gonna do It now. So basically, I've mentioned them acting feminenly for his own mother, but i didn't say what would've happened if he displeased her. She would just stare down at him and whispering some awful shit or names. This would happen especially whenever he'd slip off that mask of his or revealed even a tiny bit of his devilish essence. Note that he's still a child here. So, best thing he could to was to "punish" himself, which basically consists of him scratching his arms too much and, i don't really want to continue this, forgive me but it's kind of triggering even for me. But...you can guess what he's doing, since he even to this day still keeps sharp nails. I'm sorry for putting this, but it's another way to show how his mother fucked him up and now suffering from this.
I'm sorry for rushin the last part but i'm not personally vibing w it.
Tags undercut
@a-chaotic-dumbass @spoopy-fish-writes @dopesaladlady @damnfoxx (I'm really unsure bout taggin ya in this ;-;)
If you want your tag removed, dm me cuz it's 3 am at the moment n i may have messed em up. (I'm not gonna recheck tomorrow so that's why)
#whdkkwkwkdk honestly I've written so fucjing much n for what😭😭#ruruasks#rurusocs#ruruslore#oc#ocs#my ocs stuff#rui#Lyva#shou#oc lore#i hope this shit doesn't flop cuz I've written so much n im just goinwbdjlwkdjdowodijqowodjdjoaodjdjdj#asks
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caly... ma’lady... why?? that was a hell of an intense chapter you threw at us and my case against you for emotional distress keeps getting thicker 😷😷
i knew it was coming, and still... seonghwa on the cell was very much upsetting and devastating to read. add jisung torturing him on top of that and you got me LIVID. then you go and make us see a very vulnerable hongjoong hating on himself??? idk if you stated that specifically but we all KNOW he was beating himself up over having to lock seonghwa... your angst has got out of control, how much longer will you make us suffer!? 🤧
and now... the parts of the chapter i actually got to enjoy because it wasn’t all characters falling apart and others watching unable to help (YES this is a call out)
the dream??? hello?? hmmmmm what have you got there and why do they all felt like premonitions??? THEY BETTER NOT BE 👀 i’m seriously worried rn because we already got the woosang separation and the hongjoong getting stabbed by seonghwa..... it wasn’t exactly how it happened in the dream, but STILL. what are you playing. if you dare have mingi hurt jongho.... if you DARE have san forget everything............. CALY 🔪🔪🔪🔪🔪 the fact YN was unable to wake up through them makes it very clear that they were either torture or warnings... was it daichi?? did wooyoung and seonghwa have similar dreams?? why are you so intent on drowning YN??? UGH I LOVE IT WHEN YOU DO THESE SCENES AND LEAVE US WITH MORE QUESTIONS THAN ANSWERS!!
back to the characters falling apart scenes... this one was actually very emotional and i could enjoy it despite everything... YN’s reassurance to seonghwa that he’s free to make his decision bc the crew will not leave him behind?? the whole “These people — the family you have built and chosen yourself — will continue to love you even if you get a little lost along the way”.... i loved that, and i think it pretty much sums up the whole of mists?? these characters were, are or will get lost at some point but the bonds they built won’t get destroyed because they all understand... devastating concept, but also so uplifting and hopeful, i LOVE it.
and my personal favorite bit of the chapter: YN’s threat to jisung by putting herself at risk, then making decisions without the captain, THEN almost killing jisung. that whole scene was so enjoyable and powerful and i loved to see her taking control like that. just like with wooyoung a few chapters ago getting to be bold and reckless in the cell, this felt just like that, like she was finally taking control over her situation and handling it in her way instead of letting others control or manipulate her. BRILLIANT i must say.
keep doing what you’re doing but PLEASE, bring back mingi and san already 😢
wo... ma'lady... i'm so sorry... IM SORRY PLS hold the case i promise i'll make it up to you 😫 the distress cannot be stopped right now we're on a roll :')
believe me it hurt so much to put seonghwa in that cell and just ;-; hahHAHAHh hWhhHHEEWwwWW pAIN TRAIN!!!! and i just had to have vulnerable hongjoong on top of that i enjoy hurting my poor characters too much :') i HAVE gotten out of control someone needs to grab me and hold me back from now on i swear i gotta be stopped T-T
the DREAM THO !!! what have i got there? who says it can't just be a dream? a really really bad dream 🧐 does everything HAVE to be premonitions why can't we have one nice thing 😤 i will make note of the MANY KNIFE THREATS THO!!! i think u'll enjoy what i have planned much more tho :3 listen i DONT KNOW WHY IM SO INTENT ON DROWNING POOR YN i think i channel my biggest fears into it and my biggest fear is DROWNING so i can't think of anything WORSE than drowning T_T
god the whole chapter after the dream part was just </3 so much fun to write and i enjoyed writing it so much so im THRILLED u enjoyed it as well esp that convo between y/n and seonghwa tis was a very emotionally charged one that i really adored <3 there's not been enough of that hope and i loved getting to write it in and show that encouragement and hope rather than just negativenegativenegative no reprieve hehe
and the woman of the HOUR miss yn THREATENING HAN JISUNG hell fucking yes that was the most satisfying scene to date methinks seeing a boss bitch snap and take control.... delicious. absolutely DELICIOUS!!! but i promise mingi and san... soon... very.... soon....
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good morning love! (or afternoon for you hehe)
deku vs kacchan part 2 is my favorite ep of the entire series actually. i’ve watch that ep so many times as well it’s just perfect. i got into them when i watched that episode actually! the voice acting god..... literally shivers. now that i think about it it might even be my favorite anime ep of all time help. i just love how bakugou lets it all out and we get to see that side of him.. the insecure scared child he tries to hide. god i could ramble about it forever idk just love it. OH YOU WATCHED THE MOVE RIGHT AFTER? a scene with bakugou and todoroki is guaranteed a good time.. and they work so well together. haha that’s such a nice coincidence tho their dynamic is great in that movie even if it’s mostly kiribaku sjsksjk. what do you think about kiribaku btw?
RIGHT!!! at least we have a couple days to decide hihi.... paimon no longer emergency snack.. only seelie. 🥴 oooh? what kind of thing have you envisioned? (if you wanna share ofc!)
i’ve seen so many people mention that!! like one of the worst parts of the game is that in the higher level you get the less there are to do.. ssjksjdk at some point all you can do is grind domains and try to level up shdkdfhdj
LEVEL 40 INTO A LEVEL 70+ FIGHT ok that’s honestly hilariously brave doesn’t she like die right away 😔 oh yeah you’ll be leveling up Again soon *praying for you*... can’t believe they don’t keep the easy bosses anymore sjdkfh that’s so rude. this game is just grind grind grind. WE NEED A BENNY STORY SO BADLY. like imagine a story with him wanting to seek out diluc because he wants to learn how to fight from a master or something like that. i saw it in a comic and i can’t stop thinking about it 😭 all of them deserve stories!!! there’s so many ways they could make it happen pls mihoyo... chongyun x xingqiu story... <333
shfkjdskdjhf nope right now i’m playing with noelle as my main damage dealer, traveller, lisa and barbara actually. so i think i have a pretty good balance atm.. 2 long range 2 short range-ish. i usually trade out barbara for another character if i have to tho, hehe. that’s only combat though ^ benny is with me when we explore. mood is me having a 5 star and not even using her... i still need to think of ways qiqi could fit into the group yk. is your group still looking the same as before? ooooh if you could rank the elements what would your ranking look like?
172!!!!! that’s a bit short though when you said tall i thought like... 190 or something sjksjdxk. wait how tall are You?
oh i just meant like... people bashing others for spending too much money on the game vs those that bash people for not spending money and complaining that they don’t get 5 star etc? idk yt comments can be so ugly though so it’s a good thing that you don’t read them sjdjdjdkd
that’s super smart!!! you just follow along the plan and delete when you come to the part. must feel so satisfying too i imagine. haha, what little notes i have i put in the notes app and just check up on when i need to. sometimes i even forget they’re there shdkdhsks. my notes are filled with half-assed dialogue or random one words notes that don’t make any sense to me anymore.. nskdhddjdj
you’re right!! so you write at night? sometimes i just open docs on my phone and write a bit before i sleep and when i wake up it’s either a grammatical mess or just... super bad hskshd the brain is simply too tired to create anything shakespeareian
nooo i’ll def check these out and let you know what i think. i’ve seen halsey being in pretty much every klance playlist on spotify so i imagine she portrays their vibes pretty nicely. doesn’t she have a song she sings about being blue and red or something... shdjfhdj such a bad description but i see it being used in edits a lot. also now that i think of it melanie has a song called pacify her that i really like!! do you like it?
THATS SO CUTE YOU ARE A CRYBABY. 🥺 same here tbh i actually like crying sometimes... sjskdjdjd like you said it just feels nice to get it all out. i cry to almost movie or series or book i read i’m a super emotional person but i also think it adds to the experience? you feel more immersed in it that way.
RIGHT??? ITS SO BEAUTIFUL!!! and it’s our boys 😭 and they’re cuddling 😭 under the sun 😭 ssjdjdhdjdj 😭
can’t wait to hear from you again <3 yours, ma <3
good night! more like ahhah
:o!! that’s so legendary of them wow.. <33 and yeah honestly the voice acting is phenomenal.. and all the implications behind the fight too? bakugou finally opening up? midoriya understanding that what he needs is to fight him? ugh. kiribaku is fine! fhdsjfks my brain is so full of todobaku that any other ship is really just... in the background hfskjfs but i can appreciate the relationship they have! with kiri being the only one bakugou has really acknowledged and seeing as being on the same level, that iconic hand clasp when bakugou was being rescued... i have a kiribaku fic in my drafts but idk if i can ever get to it ahha. you like them a lot right?
ikkk also i didn’t know we had to wait until the very end to buy? i have more than enough to buy it rn but when i clicked it said ‘must explore area 14 first’ and i was just... bruh. AHAHAH. okay so in my mind it’s like.. chongyun at a funky angle we’re kinda looking up at him and his body is like bent down towards us fhsdkjs idk how to describe it but i can picture it very well but i also cannot put it to paper/screen. and then his clothes are just black instead of white! HAHAH. tho i kinda wanna see if i can draw a xiao first to offer up to the gacha gods hfsdjkfs (and if i can i’ll do a version w a dark outfit too for u hehe)
legitttt im literally just logging in and grinding the talent domains every day fhsdkjfhskfhjd there are some artifacts i want as well but the domain is literally SO difficult for me fuck.
i just go in and use her skill then heal a bit and switch right away fhsdkjfsd it going alright! and then i go ham with my other 3 charas and switch back to her to heal again fhskfjd. OMGGG that’s so cute please... i miss diluc too... come back!! i wish we had a way to replay the old quests even if we get nothing out of them like i just wanna experience it again ya know.
oooo! that’s pretty nice. hfskjd you could switch barbara out for qiqi! since she’s a healer as well. omg wait you have lumine right? so your combat team has no males? legendary 😩 we love fighting queens! ya! traveller, chongyun, xiangling, fischl. and then i switch depending on the domain/boss i’m gonna fight. hmm elements I think would go: anemo, cryo, electro, pyro, hydro, geo, dendro? LMAO i reckon if i had diluc tho pyro would be higher... i also almost forgot to add geo to that list lmaooooooo oops, hbu??
I JUST SAW THE LINK.... AAAAAAAAAAAAH!!! the bestest boys look how cute they’re sjdkfjdjjdd i’m obsessed. the picture where benny has his back turned sjdudjdjddnd stop. 🥺 they’re so neat. 🥺 also NO ARE YOU SERIOUS? that’s so upsetting are you gonna try it out nonetheless or do you think it’s too risky?
they’re SO neat!!! and bennett facing the other way was so fhskjfd yeah cute <3333333 I KNOWWW IM SO SAD :((( and no...... im not gonna try 😭😭😭 i told my brother about it too and he asked how many rolls i was at and i said 70 and he was straight up ‘you can’t try then’ and i was like ‘i know 😔😔’. @ xiao... i am giving up xingqiu rate up for you 😤😤😤😤 ugh i hope i can still get xingqiu in xiao’s banner tho even tho the chances will be shit. are you gonna roll ganyu’s banner?
FHSKJFSD NOOOOOO don’t tell me 172 is average for you wtf... (apparently the average male height in japan is 160cm! for reference ahah) and i myself am. one hundred and. fifty something cm hfsdjfhskjdfhskdjfhw9uehdsifhwsdkjfhsdkfhsd 😔 big sighs lmaoooooooo. how tall are you? (im assuming much taller 😔😔😔😔😔)
ooh notes app? nice ahaha. fhdkjfhskfsk hdthat’s the mood tho! if i don’t have my laptop with me i’ll write out everything on notes first then transfer to my laptop~
AHAHAH yeahhh i think mostly i do? bc during school times i’ll only write after i’m done with my work which = night time. for a while Peak writing time for me was like 1am lmfao but i do that in a like half-asleep half-conscious state so when i come back the next day at a “normal” time i run into the same issue as you fshdfkjshfs
she does!!! it’s called colours 😩 but i think the one i related to voltron most is control! there was this really good shiro edit with that song i still remember it to this day <3 yeah i do!!! i like most of melanie’s songs actually ahahah. i think my favourite for a while was show and tell~
it totally does!! like it’s satisfying as well you know... like the characters have gone through so much and you experienced that with them so it’s natural to get emotional about it. that reminds me, what kind of books do/did you read? did you read all Those YA novels ahah talking about crying has reminded me how i cried reading those..
<333 i wanna be there with them 😩 actually no i want to BE them 😩😩😩
eager for your response <33 love, c.r.
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tagged by @kabeswaters and @fortisfiliae love u both sm <3 <3
1. on a scale of 1-10, how excited are you about life right now? it fluctuates but right now -1
2. describe yourself in a hashtag? #anxious
3. if you could do a love scene with anyone, who would it be? JAKE MOTHERFUCKING GYLLENHAAL
4. if your life was a musical, what would the marquee say? i dont know what that is hah
5. what’s one thing people don’t know about you? i guess some people don’t know i’m type one diabetic??
6. what’s your wake up ritual? uh phone, animal crossing, fruit loops, weed
7. what’s your go to bed ritual? I watch asmr videos cuz im usually high as fuck and they knock me out lol, or i watch tiktok or pillow talk with my bf nick.
8. what’s your favorite time of day? like 9 pm?
9. your go to for having a good laugh? my boyfriend always makes me laugh no matter how angry or upset i am so i’d talk to him uwu
10. dream country to visit? FRANCe specifically Paris oui oui with my french candian bullshit
11. what’s the biggest surprise you’ve ever had? when they announced 5sos was touring with one direction and i had tickets, never screamed so loud in my LIFE
12. heels or flats/sneakers? sneakers duh
13. vintage or new? vintage babey
14. who do you want to write your obituary? ME from the great beyond, the only other person who knows me well enouhg is nick and i love him but he is very stupid.
15. style icon? uh harry styles, devon lee carlson, halsey, bella hadid, tyler the creator some normal people whos style i LOVE from insta are rebeccaramsdale , kehllie , kikalateefff , yourgirlneens , lilxmg !
16. what are three things you cannot live without? phone, insulin, art, music
17. what’s one ingredient you put in everything? probs vanilla or hotsauce, the only two flavours.
18. what 3 people living or dead would you want to make dinner for? my dead brother DJ, kurt cobain andddd ryan dunn from jackass what a weird mix.
19. what’s your biggest fear in life? loosing my senses, loosing control, the fear that i am not actually real and ... oh spiders.
20. window or aisle seat? window
21. what’s your current tv obsession? think its gonna be adventure time again
22. favorite app? instagram or discord so i can talk to my friends uwu
23. secret talent? i can speak french and giberish
24. most adventurous thing you’ve ever done in your life? camping i guess?
25. how would you define yourself in three words? anxious, empathetic, creative
26. favorite piece of clothing you own? my vintage star wars shirt
27. a must have clothing item that everyone should have? blank tees, good quality blank tees!!! white black grey mhmhmh
28. a superpower you would want? i’d wanna be spidergirl
29. what’s inspiring you in life right now? nothing at all :(
30. best piece of advice you’ve received? my grade six teacher telling me that i was very empathetic as i was sitting at the back of the class crying because of the movie we were watching, she told me not everyone is empathetic like i am but its okay to be soft. but not to expect that from everyone else.
31. best advice you’d give your teenage self? teenage me was a mess but not messy enough that i’d change anything. i’d just say, things get better but im currently back in the state teenage me was in so...i’d be lying. maybe that wanting to kill yourself does not count as a personality trait - and start reading comics earlier cuz u really like them.
32. a book everyone should read? i read wack books, everyone on tumblr should read fangirl tho
33. what would you like to be remembered for? something i created
34. how do you define beauty? self expression and individuality
35. what do you love most about your body? wait people love their bodies? not everyone was severly damaged by online diet culture and thigh gap era tumblr? weird ok
36. best way to take a rest/decompress? weed or bath or a movie
37. favorite place to view art? there is an art gallery in saskatchewan that i love, i was suposed to go there this summer before corona took over :(((
38. if your life was a song, what would the title be? either something short like “mellow” or fob style like “im so anxiuos all the time and nothing ever feels real and i dont know what im doing but somehow im doing pretty good while feeling prety bad and laughing through my tears lol.” or i’d steal “teen idle” by marina and the diamonds.
39. if you could master one instrument, what would it be? guitar or piano because im lame at both.
40. if you had a tattoo, where would it be? i want two moths above my knees rn
41 dolphins or koalas? neither
42. what’s an animal that represents you? im more of a pokemon, i think id be jigglypuff
43. best gift you’ve ever received? whenever nick buys me clothes from stussy or maybe infinity on high on vinyl.
44. best gift you’ve given? i bought nick the entire sin city comic series in one giant book.
45. what’s your favorite board game? monopoly
46. what’s your favorite color? yellow
47. least favorite color? that weird pinky purple
48. diamond or pearls? pearls
49. drugstore makeup or designer? colour pop and fenty
50. pilates or yoga? yoga
51. coffee or tea? tea
52. what’s the weirdest word in the english language? pumpernickle is my fav one.
53. dark chocolate or milk chocolate? MILK
54. stairs or elevators? stairs
55. summer or winter? summer, canadian winters are brutal.
56. you are stuck on an island, you can pick one food to eat forever without getting tired of it, what would you eat? ur asking someone who has very specific comfort foods so i already do this - cheese bagel toasted with cream cheese and then toasted again to melt cheddar cheese on top. with a diet coke thats very important.
57. a dessert you don’t like? cheesecake
58. a skill you’re working on mastering? im crazy so this is a lot but - writing , drawing and painting, polymer clay, sewing, resin art and pottery.
59. best thing to happen to you today? nothing
60. worst thing to happen to you today? the line at starbucks was too long and i had to get wendys instead, and a few other things i won’t mention.
61. best compliment you’ve ever received? whenever my mom says i remind her of my brother dj, when people say anything nice about my art or writing style. when people ask about my clothes. when my friend jess called me a “known softie” uwu
62. favorite smell? lavender
63. hugs or kisses? hugs
64. if you made a documentary, what would it be about? i’d talk about star wars for hours on end
65. last piece of content you consumed that made you cry? of mice and men made me ball my fucking eyes out
66. lipstick or lipgloss? chapstickk
67. sweet or savory? sweet
68. girl crush? Zendaya
69. how do you know you’re in love? idk ive just always been in love with nick (since i was 15) before i even really knew what love was, i guess if the other person feels like home, you know ur doing something right.
70. a song you can listen to on repeat? nine in the afternoon by p!atd or a match into water by peirce the veil, over my head by fleetwood mac
71. if you could switch lives with someone for a day, who would it be? harry styles that mysterious fucker
72. what are you most excited for/about this time in your life? currently not looking forward to anything becase my life is super uncertain right now ha.. maybe the release of the chaos walking movie whenever that decides to happen.
tagging: i assume yall have been tagged in this already but just incase @beskarjedi @woakiees @bluemadcnna @carolinesbookworld @theseuscmander and anyone else who wants to do this consider urself tagged.
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I got tagged by like six people so idk who all tagged me besides @satans-helper @shes-outta-sight @cantbehandled-ever @mountainofthesunn Thank you babeeesss. :)
P.S @cantbehandled-ever our answers were like identical on A LOT of these.
What was the last thing you read?
- An article on how cannabis have positive effects on your brain.
Favourite movie?
- The Breakfast Club
Favourite book?
- Perks Of Being A Wallflower by Steven Chbosky.
Dream date?
- Getting coffee and painting pottery. :)
Do you have a crush?
- Yes. On a few people. But only one has my attention.
What are your hobbies?
- Collecting vinyl, playing guitar, painting pottery, thrifting, finding new coffee houses, reading etc.
What’s your favourite time of day?
- Mid morning for sure. Like 10am. Nothing better than sleeping in a little and giving yourself time to wake up. Go for coffee and breakfast. The best.
If you could look like anything, what would you look like?
- Stevie Nicks? Like she’s gorgeous and a style icon. fight me.
Are you romantic?
- I am a total hopeless romantic. I cannot stop. It actually becomes an issue because I romanticize everything to the point when it can cloud my voice of reason. I’m a pisces sooo, what do you expect?
What’s your favourite type of weather?
- Fall weather. Sunny mid 60′s. Comfy hoodie weather.
What do you like talking about?
- Music, film and art. Food too.
What are your turn ons?
- The mind. Someone talking about something they’re passionate about or something super smart like something complicated they’re studying...oooooof. That shit does things for me. Praise. Slight touches/tender PDA. Biting..scratching...hair pu- I’m gonna stop there.
Turn offs?
- Trump supporter. Close minded. Condescending. Hot/cold personality. Rude to wait staff or people “beneath” them in social or job status.
If you got a tattoo what would it be and where would you get it?
- I have one. Nirvana smiley on my calf. If I got another it’d be on my ankle, a dainty little sunflower with my Grams handwriting “I love you, Trouble.”
Do you have any pets?
- Yes I have two cats. Nova who is a Siamese. Eris who is a tabby. :)
Dream job?
- Ultrasound Technician/radiologist.
Dream place to live?
- Uhm, in the states probably Colorado or Northern California. Internationally Amsterdam, Ireland or Norway
Dream vacation?
- Ireland! Definitely. Amsterdam and Germany are tied for second.
Do you have any piercings?
- My ears and my nose.
If you had kids, what would you name them?
- I don’t want kids unless I adopt in the very distant future and even then it’s a...maaaaaaayyybbbeeee. If it’s a girl I really like Athena/Alayna Grace if it’s a boy I like August or Carter.
What are your best traits?
- I’m really witty. I can roast someone within a second, don’t even have to think about it. This also gets me in trouble. I’m a great kisser? I’m extremely compassionate and empathetic.
Worst traits?
- I’m far too caring. I poor all of myself into someone and left empty when they don’t return it. I trust too easily. I shut down sometimes when there’s an issue. I have a hard time discerning what is “wrong” when I’m upset, like the reason. So it can take me a few days to process what was really bothering me.
What’s your worst fear?
- What happens after we die. Never amounting to anything.
What do you want to eat right now?
- I just binged a ben and jerry’s pint. So I probably won’t eat for three days sooo nothing.
What’s your best vacation you’ve ever been on?
- Playa De Carmen, Mexico. I also really loved driving to Washington state from Wisconsin.
Favourite city?
- San Diego, California or Madison Wisconsin
Favourite social media platform?
- tumblr/snapchat
Favourite article of clothing?
- Any of my gypsy dresses or cardigans.
Do you play any sports?
- I used to play softball (how lesbian of me) and soccer. The boys banned me from playing football because I threw the ball too hard and I would hurt them..
Favourite meal of the day?
- Uh, I like a brunch.
What are you excited for?
- @sparrowof-thedawn visiting in ten days. :)
Not excited for?
- @sparrowof-thedawn visiting in ten days. :(
(because in 13 days she’ll be gone again soooo)
When was the last time you cried?
- Wow. I used to cry daily honestly but ever since I broke up with my ex I haven’t really cried? Wow. What a concept, when you’re supported emotionally there’s less reason to cry??? Wow. But honestly almost a month ago.
Dream house?
- Wrap around porch. Preferably somewhere out in the country. Big windows. High ceilings. Big garden.
What’s something you hate about the world?
- Lack of empathy and respect for our fellow humans regardless of race, sex, religion, sexuality or gender identity.
What’s something you love about the world?
- When people prove me wrong about the answer above.
What scents do you like?
- Mahogany Teakwood by Bath and Body works. Cinnamon. Fruity shit.
What kind of sleeper are you?
- I sleep on my side with my leg streched out and my arm under my pillow.
Are you a cat or dog person?
- Cat person 100%. I like dogs and I’ve had a few but much prefer cats.
How long would you survive in a zombie apocalypse?
- I think I’d survive okay. Based only on the fact I’d avoid anyone and everyone always. I’d be that bitch killing people on sight. Full survival.
Are you trusting?
- I trust waaay to easily and it’s a problem.
What fictional character do you identify with?
- Plenty. But Charlie from Perks Of Being A Wallflower because we have the same trauma and mental illness.
What labels do you commonly get?
- Condescending. Funny. Ditzy. Loud. Kind. Intense.
What song would be your life anthem?
- Landslide Fleetwood Mac
What issues are you dealing with rn?
- Stress and Eating Disorder which go together for me.
How can someone win you over?
- Stimulate me mentally and it’s a green light right away. Also you have to make me laugh.
What’s something about you people don’t know?
- I’m allergic to everything.
I tag @sparrowof-thedawn @lantern-inthenight @im-gettin-hazy @i-was-never-glam
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