#but im back to unemployed land

[v1p0]

Has anyone made this yet

[opens-up-4-nobody]

...

[minustwofingers]

love is a laserquest p.2

series masterlist (read p1 here!)

pairing: rockstar!ellie williams x reader

request: @thatgiraffefromtlou so kindly included me on a post about writing something inspired by these beautiful edits :) thank you !

summary: after a serious of unfortunate events, columbia grad y/n y/l/n finds herself using her hard-earned journalism degree interviewing vapid stars and writing articles that she's convinced are rotting her mind. ellie williams has just dropped the album of the year and it's all anyone is talking about, but all she wants is to be off the press train. a certain interview with a certain interviewer might change this.

cws: explicit language, kind of suggestive phrasing? (i get a little feral with guitar playing descriptions), shitty bosses, mentions of nausea and throwing up (no one actually does tho dw), y/n is anxious asf, my writing is a little....yikes...in this one, loser!ellie

a/n: i lied i lied hehe. here's the next part. im still working on building this stupid app so i havent been able to write as much recently + holiday family stuff but oh am i back!

here's a playlist inspired by this fic

wc: 2.4k

tags: tags :) @intrnetdoll @dazedshoon @lovecaraya @pctcr @sariyaflowr @loser-keiji @prettyplant0 @666findgod @sawaagyapong @rystarkov @buzzybuzzsposts @addisonnie@galacticstxrdust @elliesbabygirl @pinkazelma @ariianelle @lu002 @blairfox04 @sparkleswonderland @elliesflower @muthafuckingstargirl @elliewilliamsissubermommyoml @eviestevie-14 @quicksilversg1rl @guacala @crtcrp @overtrred28 @diddiqueen @krisyslostsoul

enjoy mwah

It starts slow, like the drip of a broken faucet. It’s not like you’re actively seeking out anything Ellie William’s related, but somehow it seems like everything Ellie Williams related is seeing you out. 

In the grocery store, one of her hit songs from her newest album blaring over the speakers.

On the street, where you see crumpled pages of magazines with her face plastered all over them. 

And—perhaps the most offensively—on NPR and the New York Times, quite literally days after you’d met her. Suddenly Steve Inskeep and Leila Fadel begin the Up First podcast with a familiar song and devote an entire third of the morning podcast to Ellie and her band’s rise to fame. 

You decide to switch to the BBC World News for a while, but even they seem to be under her spell.

It’s not that you don’t like Ellie. She seems fine. Normal. Really cute, actually, and clearly very talented. But whenever you think about her, you think about the ill-fated, awkward, charmless interview.

“What happened?” Alyssa had asked you when she’d come back from surgery. “That wasn’t you out there.”

Which was actually very hurtful to hear, because you’d been holding onto the hope that you’d been all in your head about your interview being a failure. It all culminates in Eric, your 300 year old manager, sending you a strongly worded email that told you that your performance in the interview was so underwhelming that you were being pulled from the interviewer pool and exiled to article writing land. Which could be worse, you admit. You could be unemployed on the streets of LA. At least you’re still writing. 

And write you do. You spend all your waking hours either at your keyboard, on your yoga mat, or sat in a chair somewhere at a local cafe for a coffee chat. You’ve mostly deleted social media, since all you see nowadays are pictures of Ellie and Becca’s posts about her experience working and loving her life in New York (the algorithm apparently knows exactly what you want to see the most). 

It’s bizarre that, even as you try your best to place your focus on honing your craft and consuming only content that you think will make you a better writer, you still somehow learn everything and more about Ellie Wlliams and her band. It’s in the emails at work whose chains you’re CC’ed on. It’s in the advertisements and the billboards everywhere. It’s even in the conversations you have with your two roommates, Greta and Maureena. 

“She’s so fucking cool,” says Maureena dreamily as you sit around the TV in the living room. “I still can’t believe you got to talk to her.”

“It’s not like I actually got to, like, get to know her or whatever,” you say. “It was honestly kind of dry. Just awkward small talk.”

“That’s more than anyone else I know can say.” She reaches forward and grabs a fistful of popcorn. “How come she gets interviewed by the person who probably cares about her the least in all of LA? Like, what are the chances?”

“I care,” you say, and it sounds unusually defensive coming out of your mouth.

Maureena gives you a long, suspicious look, but before she can respond, Greta comes bursting into the apartment, purse swinging from her shoulder.

A greeting is halfway out of your mouth when she cuts you off. 

“You guys will not believe what I just did.” She’s nearly bursting with excitement, her eyes bright and wide. 

“Like, in a good way?” you ask. 

“Yes. Obviously!” Greta fishes around in her pocket until she pulls her phone out, waving it around. “Check your email.”

The last time Greta had come in with an entrance this energetic, she’d been coming to inform you both that she was getting engaged to her loser boyfriend Brian (which—thank God—didn’t actually last), so you and Maureena trade nervous looks. 

Maureena gets to it first. 

“Tickets to see Ellie Williams? Tonight?” Now she’s about to explode with giddiness, leaping from the couch and throwing her arms around Greta. “I love you, I love you, I love you. How did you get these? I thought they were, like, totally sold out. Or ten thousand dollars.” 

She grins wickedly, holding her hands out in a “who knows” sort of way. “You can all thank me later. We have to leave in about 20 if we want to get there in time. Y/N, you good?”

You’d been staring on in horror, jaw dropped and body completely frozen. You had registered that Ellie was playing in LA tonight—it’s all anyone you knew talked about at work today—but you never once considered actually going to try to see her. “Uh, yeah. Give me just a few.”

By the time you get to the venue, you’re convinced that you might actually puke from the nerves. It’s ridiculous. It’s not like three broke 20 some year olds were going to get last minute seats to an Ellie Williams concert that were genuinely good seats. It’s not like she would see you and realize that the girl who flopped while interviewing her was a big enough fan to attend. You’re going to be fine. 

“Shit, Grets, how are we so close?” asked Maureena as she leads you both closer and closer to the front. 

Horror steadily rises within you as you approach the front row. 

“I got these from my boss,” she says, turning around with a devilish glint in her dark brown eyes. “Her daughter got food poisoning, bless her. She had to stay back to take care of her, and I was the only one who stayed late to work, so…”

Greta’s boss was some filthy rich nepo baby who was a partner of a big talent agency. All of a sudden you feel stupid for not realizing this sooner.

“Shit,” you say, mostly to yourself. “Oh no. Oh my god.”

“Isn’t this so cool!” Greta jumps up and down, hands on your shoulders as she tries to rile you up. “Dude, what if she recognizes you?” 

“I think I’m going to puke,” you say miserably. Somehow the thought of her seeing you made you want to crawl inside your skin in shame and hide for the next calendar year. “Did you guys not see how ass it was? I was so fucking awkward.”

“It wasn’t even that bad.” Maureena pats your shoulder. 

“I literally was forbidden from ever interviewing again because it was so bad.”

“Because Eric hates women,” says Greta. “It’s not your fault he’s a horrible human being. Give it, like, a year or so until he croaks. Then they’ll let you back in the game.”

“Uh huh,” you say, feeling very harrowed. 

You remain in this state of abject terror for the entire opener performance. The nausea doesn’t subside. It only gets worse when you realize that if you actually puke, Ellie’s definitely going to see it. Just like she’s going to see you, with the stupid stars Greta had insisted you paint on your cheekbones with glittery eyeliner and eyeshadow. 

“She really likes space,” Greta had told you while you’d been getting ready, pretending like you didn’t already know all about this. “So all of her fans wear star stuff to see her.”

Before you can think to wipe off the glitter, everything goes black. Then the crowd goes wild. 

When the silvery blue light spills onto the stage, it illuminates Ellie, standing just a number of feet away from you. You barely have enough time to take in the black leather coat and loose white shirt she’s wearing before music explodes out of the speakers, her fingers flying up and down the fretboard. 

You’re spellbound as you watch her. Her voice rings loud and clear and slightly gravelly when it snags on her words. She’s nothing at all like the girl you’d met a month ago—there’s no discomfort, no awkwardness. She looks like she’s born to be on stage. 

When the first song ends, she steps back, grabbing the standing mic next to her. 

“Uh. Hi,” she says, and it’s so endearingly nervous compared to how she’d just sounded that something in your chest twists. She rubs the back of her neck. “I’m Ellie.”

Greta and Maureena join the crowd, screaming and cheering. 

“I LOVE YOU!” someone shrieks, louder than everyone else.

“You know,” she says, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to people reacting like this to me just, like, saying my name. It’s really fucking weird. Oh. Shit. Sorry. Are you guys okay with me swearing?” 

The roar that comes from the crowd is entirely undecipherable. 

“Right,” says Ellie. “Um. I’ll take that as a yes. Sorry to anyone who brought their kids or something. Anyway, this one’s about the ex who cheated on me and gave me mono.” 

Before you can react to that, she starts playing. 

As she proceeds through the setlist, you’re struck by just how close you are to her, how many things you can notice that hardly anyone else in the crowd can see. You see the outline of her phone in her pocket, the pieces of hair that have fallen out of her little half bun and are sticking to her face, the way that the glitter on her collarbones trails down her shirt in little rivulets. 

And, above everything else, you can see the horrible way her fingers straddle the fretboard, curling and pressing with ease so practiced it looks tender. 

Apart from this bad, bad development (you can feel your mind going a million miles an hour about things you should not be thinking about), things are going great. Ellie hasn’t noticed you. Or even looked in your direction. You’re not even sure she can see you, given how little light is shed onto the crowd. The false sense of security makes you feel comfortable singing along with Greta and Maureena, your lips forming the lyrics you’d been pretending to not listen to whenever her songs came on. 

It happens during a slower song, a sort of ballad that makes your heart thud harder in your chest to hear from her mouth. The lights on stage dim a little. Light spills just the slightest onto the front of the crowd, and Ellie’s eyes fall and snap onto yours so decisively that it almost feels audible. 

For a moment, you can’t breathe. Ellie’s voice suddenly catches mid-word, faltering and missing a beat. She thrusts her hand with the mic into the crowd, which eagerly picks up where she left off and finishes the verse. 

It’s impossible to see on the screen projecting her image behind her, but you can see the flicker of recognition in her eyes, the stiffness that comes with realizing that you actually know someone from somewhere. 

You’re the one who breaks eye contact, focused with a sudden intensity on the way the thin fabric of your sleeves are situated on your arms. 

Greta pokes you so hard in your ribs that you gasp. 

“What the fuck!” you snap, but the words are swept away by the noise around you. 

“Why didn’t you wave?!” she hisses in your ear. “She totally recognized you.”

The realization falls over you with the subtlety of an anvil. Oh my god. You totally should’ve waved. That was the normal, well-adjusted thing to do. Now she was going to think you were weird. And it was too late now. But she didn’t wave to you. Wasn’t she supposed to wave first? Because you of course remembered her, but she might not remember you. Yeah. You could go with that.

Maybe she didn’t remember you. 

You can’t relax for the rest of the concert. You try your best to just act normal and dance along with your friends and casually mouth the words, but it’s hard when it feels like she’s staring at you. Which is completely impossible. The light doesn’t fall back onto the crowd until the concert is over and Ellie and her band are long gone backstage. 

~

Two months later, all you can think about is the way that Ellie stuttered over her words when she saw you in the crowd. Of course, this is definitely something you’ve made up in your mind, because there’s a number of reasons why she might’ve slipped up. Maybe she just thought she knew you from somewhere and couldn’t place it. That’s why she (allegedly) kept looking in your direction afterwards. Or maybe you’re completely batshit insane, and she didn’t look at you at all. Because if she had, wouldn’t she have waved? Right?

It’s almost bad enough to distract you from work. You find yourself prowling on Twitter, watching the #elliewilliams tag blow up following every concert date. It doesn’t give you any clarity, because in every picture, she looks just as perfect and cool and confident as she was at the LA show. You don’t know why you assumed she’d look different if it was true that she’d recognized you. More human, maybe. But she’s just as bathed in starlight as she was that night many weeks before, just as far away and untouchable. 

You spend so much time thinking about her that you’re convinced you might’ve slipped into a dream when Eric appears at your cubicle with the news.

Instead of saying hello, he plops a stack of papers on the desk in front of you, all labeled “PopNow! Interview Etiquette”. 

“Excuse me?” you say. 

“Start reading up, kid,” says Eric. “You’re back in the game.”

“What?” 

“You have an interview scheduled later this week.” He scowls down at you, gum smacking in his mouth. He smells faintly of tobacco. 

“But I thought I was removed from—”

“You still are,” he says. “But someone requested you. Their manager told us they wouldn’t talk to us if they didn’t get you.”

“What?” 

He huffs out a short laugh. “Believe me, I was surprised too. Don’t know what they’re on about after the last time you talked to their client. Fuck this one up and you’re out, okay? Got it? The info’s in your inbox already.” 

Somehow the words don’t quite sink in until you open the email and see the words on paper. 

SENDER: Maria Miller

RECIPIENT: Eric Bal

CC: ewilliamsmusic@gmail.com, y/ny/l/n@popnow!.com

Eric,

Great to hear back from you. Glad that 3 next Wednesday works. 

Best,

MM

final a/n: lmk how u guys feel about this...feeling a little unsure about where this is going but enjoying writing it anyway there are two wolves inside of me etc. etc. also ive missed u all! i hope everyone is doing well! dont b shy!

[sleeplessinunova]

Pokemon type specialist stereotypes

Normal - “I like bread” damn ur boring. Normal type. Fucking normal type. I feel bad for anyone whos tried to text you cause you’re definitely the the to reply “k” and “ig” to everything

Fire - “RAAAAHHHH” Fire type trainers have no chill and they also think very highly of themselves, unfortunately without their booties theyre useless. Never seen a fire type trainer who texted in lowercase

Water - “Guys lets swim in a thunder storm itll be ok g—“ weirdly athletic. Like ig that makes sense but alot of water specialists are more built than fighting specialists. Or you’re a jolly old fisher.

Grass - “photosynthesis is real” believes in crystal healings and also calls themselves cottagecore while living in like…lumios city. You are not “eepy” you are 26 and unemployed, take a fucking shower.

Electric - Nothing distinct from Fire type, but they don’t have to invest all their money into boots. Definitely has unmedicated adhd

Ice - “chill out! Haha…haha…ha…” you’re either old or a sadist. Theirs no in between. Like you’re either a sweet old man who loves the snow or you think that frostbite is the funniest thing since comedy, get help.

Fighting - “HIT ME!! HIT ME!! NEVER GIVE UP!!” You think you’re a shonen protag when you’re actually the comic relief. Musclehead who chugs protien shakes and punches their poliwrath for 6 hours straight before going to football practice.

Poison - “The poison is already erroding your pokemon’s poor health…” you THINK you’re the sadist ice type trainer but you’ll never be them, stop trying. You have a salazzle because otherwise a single steel type ruins your whole month

Ground - “*earthquake property damage joke*” you and the steel type trainer will not shut the fuck up about how competitive your types are. Quit your wiglett measuring contest. Meta this, meta that, have you ever MET A GIRL???

Flying - You don’t exist

Psychic - “i gaze into the great beyond” may or may not be actually psychic. You’re who the ghost girl wishes she was. But you also have your head very far up your own ass and won’t stop reliving the glory days of when your type was considered powerful. You think you’re so above everyone and you’re probably using the psychic type to have a nerd revenge fantasy against the fighting type jocks who shoved you into a locker in high school

Bug - “im no standard bug catcher” yes you are timmy shut the fuck up. You didn’t actually like bug types that much at first but you made them your entire personality when you saw how mean everyone else was being

Rock - you became the ground type trainer after realizing they were you but better

Ghost - “Guys im a ghost trainer isnt that quirky, aren’t i spooky and scary guys im a ghost trainer guys guys where are you going—“ prolly lives in a “cottagecore” house and does nothing but scroll on joltiktok. Uses aesthetic as their personality. Definitely traumatized. Wants lavender town to go back to how it was in the 90s

Dragon - “The majestic dragon can only be tamed by the strongest trainers” you want to be lance so fucking badly its pathetic. Definitely plays dnd. Definitely owns a cape and is either too ashamed to ever wear it, or wears it EVERYWHERE

Dark - “absol is just a misunderstood bapy” you think your takes about dark types are subversive when they aren’t. No one cares about how your hydreigon would “never do something like that” KAREN—wait thats an actual dark type trainers name fuck

Steel - Basically the ground type trainer. You’re also guaranteed to have a metagross and you have a framed photo of steven stone over your bed so you forget how alone you are.

Fairy - You live in delulu land. You have never left delulu land. And you’re best friends with the ghost type trainer. Take your medication sweetums.

[spookfished]

media roundup sep 2024

hello! havent done these in a while. im currently "extremely unemployed" lol well see if i go back and do any of the previous months i skipped ㄟ( ▔, ▔ )ㄏ i think its nice to force myself to summarize my thoughts like this

BOOKS: the tyrant baru cormorant by seth dickinson: most recent book in the masquerade series, which is a thriller (?) about the mechanics of empire. dude this book was so great. no notes. there were some incredibly gratifying payoffs in here and some craaazy twists. idk i wish i had something more to say i just thought it was really really good im glad that baru gets to have some good things as well as bad. of course, seth dickinson has amazing prose and the ending was so like, uplifting? and inspiring? i was very surprised lol

when the angels left the old country by sacha lamb: queer jewish immigrant YA, apparently for fans of good omens. an angel and a demon from a small, small town go to america to track down one of the town's mising daughters. despite neither being a gomens fan (although i did read it) nor jewish, i really enjoyed this! it has a dreamy, fairytale, eva ibbotson-like tone to it that made it a pleasure to read, despite the somewhat foreboding topic (let's all have a fun time on ellis island while visibly jewish!) the stories of the humans and the non-humans feel equally important, but i really especially enjoyed the way the angel changed over time as a response to the world it saw. its just a really nice book :3

long live evil by sarah rees brennan: villainess isekai, but western tradpub. a woman dying from cancer at a young age is given the chance to live again--as a two-bit floozy villainess the day before her execution?! how will rae find a way out? and how well, really, does she remember the time of iron? sarah rees brennan is sort of a comfort author to me; in other lands meant a Lot to me as a mentally ill teenager. all the same, i almost dropped this book during the first couple of chapters. in my opinion, this book has a REALLY rough start that evened out into a ride that i enjoyed quite a bit despite many other factors. while some parts of the part are clearly deeply personal (this is the author's first book published after recovering from late stage cancer), it also has a tendency to hammer in its points over and over again and undercuts too many serious moments with quippy dialogue in a way that deflates tension rather than increasing it. also, one b-couple takes clear inspiration from one of her previous works (but this time more #toxic --they kill each other in time of iron) and as a result unfortunately outshines the main couple at times, who also have to share screentime with a huge cast that often feels improperly balanced. but also, i thought the main couple was pretty cute, actually! the ending twist, while not unpredictable (and also very, uh, danmei?) was also very enjoyable and nice to let creep up on you. i feel like i'm being more strict with it than i am with a lot of villainess isekai i read though, haha… i agree with ineedacatchyname's review of it (and a lot of these thoughts just echo theirs. woops!)--a lot of this could be fixed with a bit more editing, but ultimately i spent the second half unable to put it down and i'm still going to read the sequel.

against football by steve almond: fairly short nonfiction. one diehard football fan's searing condemnation of the state of american football today (and what we could do to make it better). this was recommended to me by megafaunatic, and i really enjoyed it :3 i come from a pretty "ugh, sportsball" type of family, and so it was really interesting to see why people love watching football (especially a team as "wretched" as the former oakland raiders) as well as playing it--but also how the continuation of football in its current state is pretty much inexcusable (one bright side is that division i graduation rates have actually gone up quite a bit since this book was published in 2016!) id easily recommend to both football fans and non-fans.

GAMES: pikmin bloom: pikmin bloom is a game about walking around, growing pikmin, and planting virtual flowers. i didnt play this game for a while bc i was like "well, its pokemon go but with pikmin -_-" and like. it is. but niantic has also taken the opportunity to overhaul a lot of its base game mechanics with a focus on actually getting you to GO OUTSIDE and WALK AROUND, which i think is to its benefit! like, yeah it actually did get me to go on some walks when i wouldnt have otherwise. the microtransactions kinda suck but as long as youre willing to kill your darlings (pikmin) its fine i think. < guy with a very high deathcount in pikmin 3 and 4

return of the obra dinn: stylized mystery game about unpacking what happened in a scaaary voyage by seeing the moment surrounding the crewmembers' deaths. dude. this game is so fucking good. it was like everyones goty in 2018 and as soon as i finished it i was like "i wish i could get hit in the head so i could play it again." imo, its a really good game to play as a group (with one person driving) bc so much of the gameplay takes place outside of the game--deducing, speculating, etc and it's really fun to do that as a conversation with someone else! the game does a good job of disincentivizing random guessing--when i played this game with my family, we did guess on a couple but it was almost always a 50-50 "choice A or choice B". and the game can (apparently) be completed without any chance guesswork whatsoever! can be a little gory at times, but its all in this sort of dithery monochrome style so you don't really think about it until you're walking to the bathroom in the halflit moonlight and youre kinda like hey this kinda looks like return of the obra dinn haha. wait. anyways play this game!!

unpacking: cute little game about unpacking/moving in during the various phases of one person's life. probably a masterclass in "environmental storytelling" that invites you into making your own stories for our unseen protagonist while also providing these understated beautiful little moments of understanding. also, it was really theraputic getting everything perfectly placed in order when i currently live in a very messy house ;-_-

umineko chapter 2: ahhh year of umineko 2024 continues. im definitely not finishing the whole game this year (lol) but i might end up finishing the question arcs at least..? anyways ive been lbing this the whole time (#year of the seacat 2024 for blacklist) but man this was pretty harsh compared to the first episode. it even makes battler break down..! i was secretly wondering how it was going to try and turn around my opinion on rosa, but, well, i still really dont like her. has bright points in more beatrice!!! the introduction of the meta, some ???really horny??? parts and the [You are incompetent] scene. also, everyone seems to really hate george for some reason but i feel like i still dont get it.

SHOWS:

the decameron: drama about fucking and dying in black plague-era italy, and a villa meant to be a getaway from it all. in high school i wanted to read the decameron because it was mentioned in theatre of coolty--just so you know, this is nothing like it. its just really fun! and full of light intrigue and twists and reveals and tragedy. a lot of the plague-based humor hit in some pretty uncomfortable places, which the showrunners were definitely going for. neifile and panfilo hands down had my favorite relationship.

witch from mercury: revolutionary girl gundam?? this is how everyone pitched it to me, which honestly put me off a little bit. wfm is clearly aware and respectful of its predecessors but also takes the first episode to go "nah were going to do something a little different though." like, its kind of like instead of tackling rape culture it decided to tackle the military industrial complex instead ? ? i guess?? it seems like a good entry point into gundam for many (including me!) i enjoyed the first season very fun and currently watching the second. looking forward to seeing how sick and twisted things can get

in terms of music ive been listening to a lot of zerobaseone.. every time were in the car together neil is like lets listen to yurayura and im like yessss. yurayuraa oh ive also been listening to counter//weight while driving but im not going to include it bc its been slow going lol. all my thoughts about it so far is like "this is the thing neil really likes"

anyways if you got to the end or skimmed or whatever, thanks for reading! hope u have a good one.

[fujoshawty]

hii this is going to be super informal but im thinking about selling off some of my stuff since im having a super hard time landing a job and want to afford to visit my partner in august :(

currently, im selling: Naruto - Uchiha Sasuke - Grandista - Grandista -Shinobi Relations- - 2 (Banpresto) $22, shipping included

Genshin Impact - Klee - Motto Ookikunatta Chibigurumi (Bandai Spirits) $33, shipping included

Nanami Kento - Jufutsu no Waza (Bandai Spirits) $18, shipping included

the honey house studio kento nanami resin GK nsfw statue(search at your own risk!) for $400 (negotiable), shipping not included. 2 of his fingers broke in the package but i did get them back on, he's pretty delicate but a stunning figure in otherwise excellent condition. only the sfw side has been displayed and he cost me nearly $600 so i really would love to rehome him </3

i also have misc ososan stuff up on my mercari, please lmk if there is any interest!!

considering selling a little busters cosleeping sheet, my black ver. super sonico bicute bunnies statue, some nanami plushies, and maybe some of my keito hasumi goodies. it breaks my heart to rehome my collection, but i am still unemployed and need to afford stuff </3

reply to this post or dm for pics and other info. all figures have their original packaging!

[virgobitch1994]

ive been struggling mentally since i got laid off in may, to feel literally anything other than dread, panic and just general unhappiness. my life at the beginning of the year started off so awesome and then quickly devolved into a mess at the beginning of may. my job laying me off literally knocked me off course for all of the goals i had in mind.

ive been feeling like a shell of my former self. ive lost all hope and motivation. i feel extremely defeated. everything in my life feels like its falling apart around me and im trying desperately to put it back together. thankfully, i was able to land a job at the beginning of august, after being unemployed all summer... but as im going through training, im quickly learning that im not cut out for this job... but i need the money.

so now im stuck trying to get through this training and praying i can actually do this job until i can find something else, which feels impossible. i went through so many rejection emails before an old manager of mine was able to help me even get an interview for this job i currently have. i dont want to sound ungrateful, because i really do appreciate him helping me get an interview, but this job is turning out to be a lot more complicated than i initially thought.

on top of that, it doesnt pay a livable wage and im starting at the bottom. it doesnt matter that i worked my ass off to move up the ladder at my last two jobs, the experience i gained is basically moot. i feel like im in a constant cycle of starting over from the beginning with jobs because i get laid off after i get promoted into a better position, because these start up companies keep losing money and dont see me as a valuable asset.

and i hate even fucking talking like this because it makes me sound like a corporate drone but holy FUCK. even if i play the game and do what i have to do to make a living, i still get fucked in the end. it all feels so pointless and im struggling every day to find a reason to keep going. i havent felt this hopeless in so long. i know i can get through it but it doesnt feel that way right now.

right now i want to dissolve into the dirt and become a tree and live out the rest of my life soaking up the sun and enjoying the rain.

edit: TLDR; im basically tired of working unfulling jobs and giving away my time and effort to try and make a living wage, only to be laid off once i finally get somewhere, because they suddenly cant afford it anymore.

[bitchapalooza]

I wrote this a while ago as an excersise with only like little intention of posting it. But now y'all can have it. It hasnt been edited in weeks(because I go back to it every so often when Im bored and find more grammer mistakes 💀) so enjoy????

Dear Captain Cyllene,

I am afraid I can not accept your offer at this time or any time going forward. I do appreciate the offer nonetheless. Any opportunity to study pokemon is a good one I say! However, I've too many projects to finish and a family to care for, which takes priority above all. I am deeply sorry, Captain Cyllene.

Professor Blackthorn looked up from his task to the door of his home study, creaking as it opened. In plopped an exasperated man, head immediately going to his hands, letter loosely gripped between the palm and forehead. A fellow man of science, and his former research partner, Professor Edward Laventon. Blackthorn clicked his tongue. "Another rejection, I take it?"

Laventon solemnly nodded.

"Don't worry, old chap! I'm sure someone'll accept your services!" Blackthorn cheered. But Laventon didn't seem to agree. He fell onto the back cushions of the scarlet couch, letting his arms fall to his side as he looked to the ceiling.

"There's no more sense in hoping, I'm afraid," Laventon said, sounding so very defeated. So out of his wits. "I'm a foozler! A meater!" He cried.

Blackthorn rolled his eyes. "I've told you before, Edward. I don't speak whatever language you farmers and poor folk made up."

"I am a klutzy coward, Peter! No one wants that!" Laventon reiterated, bit more bite in his words than he intended.

As the man went into a rambling craze of negativity, Blackthorn glanced at the letter he'd been sent. Captain Cyllene of the fairly new Jubilife Village, Hisui, that's who it was from. She'd requested his help, and many others she mentioned, in a project. Study the pokemon of Hisui in hopes of building a safer, secure future for everyone in the village. An interesting project he'd be sure to love. He had to refuse, however. His oldest was to be wed by next week. His wife was due with their third child in less than a month. He had several research papers to get done, field studies to fulfill and report to the Director as soon as possible, and a whole research novel to finish and publish. His plate was entirely full!

Blackthorn shifted back to Laventon, now pacing across the study as he grumbled. Blackthorn smirked. "Look at you, all in a tizzy and whatnot."

Laventon stopped. Upset was clear on his face. Blackthorn didn't blame him, being unemployed and unable to land a job would make the jolliest of men go sour.

"Of course I'm 'in a tizzy', Peter!" The stress had clearly been weighing down on the man. "I lost my job to the only sponsors who cared to fund my research. I've been rejected seven times now from every small independent scientist around here, so now, I'm pretty damn sure the Director has requested or bribed everyone to blacklist me from their services, managing to reach all the way to the newly discovered Orange Islands of all bloody places! Which, granted, would be my fault for that incredibly idiotic outburst of mine!"

Blackthorn only stared with a calm smile. "Will a liquorice calm you down, my friend?" He says as he offers said sweet.

Laventon rolled his lilac eyes. His tirade seemed to have calmed momentarily as he took the candy and plucked it into his mouth. He wasn't a sweets person, despite how he looks and acts, but every now and then he craved it.

"Good. Now," Blackthorn nodded back to the couch. "Sit. Relax."

"Ed, listen. It's only been two and a half weeks since you'd been fired. Birdy and I have been letting you stay here without pay so you needn't worry about saving so much. And I know you are. You can't fool me. We've known each other for nearly four years now, I think I'd know my best research partner by now!"

"Former research partner."

"Technicalities," Blackthorn waved. "But in all seriousness, Edward. Do you want help? I know you have a hard time asking for it when you really need it. You took my offer to live here. Why can't you accept any other offers of help?"

"Because," Laventon's face was set straight. "I know how to find my own employment."

"Then why haven't you applied to any factories in the city? There is even a new one accepting workers like crazy."

"I'm not an idiot, Peter. The uranium is what's killing people. I mean why do you think your last maid was literally glowing and growing bumps on her skin and then suddenly died on the job? The factories of course! That is where she worked before you employed her. Working in those factories is deadlier than drinking the river water immediatly after someone has shat in it."

"So you've been applying to independent labs— ones that, frankly, do not even deal with the study of pokemon— only to be expectedly saddened by the end result of being totally blown off."

Laventon shrugged. "You summed it up perfectly, actually."

Blackthorn crossed his arms, frustration rising. While being stubborn and stuck in your own way can be  a good thing, sometimes it can also be the worst. Laventon hardly ever takes No as an answer. Why he practically bugged the Director into giving him his former job! Then when he got it, he put in request after request for his grant to study and record the pokemon of not just Johto, Alola, but Unova too. After his eighth request for Unova, it was finally accepted. Of course it was cut extremely short and he never started that "poke-dex" of his, but regardless, his persistence really can get him far in life.

Except now that is.

Blackthorn was personally told Laventon had been barred from lab work so long as he resided inside of Galar. It was even extended to Kalos, and to really piss him off, anywhere else the team was stationed or owned by Kalos itself. "He needed to be taught a lesson," many coworkers would justify, but Blackthorn couldn't see it. He did nothing wrong. He just spoke the truth on the wrongdoings of what these foreigners were doing to their land and it's pokemon, something he couldn't do himself. But he wasn't going to tell Laventon this. It would only crush him. To know one was banned from performing his passion in nearly every region that exists, well that's more soul crushing than being rejected over and over again! Or, thats Blackthorn's logic anyway.

"Peter," Laventon's voice dropped. "You think I will ever be able to finish my research? Even from self funding?"

Blackthorn once again looked at the letter on his desk. Then back to his friend. His dream was… A big one. One that needed a lot of money. A lot, a lot of money. And being from the very poor lineage that he's from wouldn't give him any leverage. His old hometown isn't worth the lint in his pocket, really. And his adoptive family, far more wealthier but still fairly poor, wouldn't be of any help either. So realistically, he had no chance unless he found a sponsor. But that was even less likely to happen. Still though. Maybe there is another way…

Blackthorn shrugged. "Perhaps."

Laventon blinked and looked away. He didn't believe in him, that was very clear.

"Right," Laventon clicked his tongue as he rose up from the sofa.  "Right, well. I'm going to the pub to meet my brothers then. I'll see you later."

"Of course. Tell David and Quinn I say hello." Laventon hummed his acknowledgement.

Blackthorn dipped his quill into some ink, letting the excess drop back into the glass from which it came. He set back to writing his letter.

If you haven't already, might I recommend Edward Laventon? He's a bright scientist with whom I have closely worked with for several years. He has a few published papers, but I doubt you can find them there. I will attach a portion of his work in this parchment. The good Professor really is up for any task. I implore you to at least consider him. Thank you.

Oh, and please do not let him know I've asked this of you. He doesn't like handouts. A stubborn man, but a good hard worker, I assure you of that!

Professor Peter Moss Blackthorn

Hammerlocke City, Kalos Reaserch and Expedition, Field Search Division.

[talaxyan]

hello from 2023

hiiiiiii

it's so funny to think that all the posts from this tumblr are all just for me in the future but I hope it's gonna be another good reflection to see what I was like in the past.

but let me give you a little update since the last time I was here ((THERE WERE A LOT!!!))

ok first of all. im unemployed now, I graduated college 4 months ago and still haven't been able to land a job- I'm on my last round of interview for this pharmaceuticals company tho and I REALLY HOPE I GET THE JOB BECAUSE IM DESPERATEEEE. if I don't get an offer soon my OPT might expires meaning it'll be harder for me to escape indo.

as much as i love being at home and spending most days with my nieces and having no worry at all, I miss doing something intelligent like doing all the academic weapon I was supposed to be doing. it was hard landing a job yall, I swear I've applied to at least 400+ job but still 0 offer. IM REALLY HOPING THIS PHARMA JOB WORKS OUT I REALLY WANNA GO BACKKKKKK I wanna live in city I can wander around please

anyway, on the fun part ((my nonexistant love life))

in 2022, i went for a semester abroad in LONDON AND IT WAS WILDDDDD like really good experience and I love london so much I wish to go back there again and visiting my london fam innit- it was surprising really good like i had a solid friendgroup in just a month of settling down (shout out to SHAIMA LOVE U SO MUCH GURL) i went travelling to edinburg and Stonehenge. it was a surreal experience.

oh and i was on dating apps while in London and I got the taste of love (a little bit). my first ever date was really good, i'd give it 7/10 I wasn't that attracted to this dude but he was smart and caring at least before he became annoying and called me a self-obsessed girl- like dude HOW CANT I BE OBSESSED OVER MYSELFF? anyway I didn't continue talking to him because I really thought I should give an ugly guy a chance just bc he seems nice personally but he really wasn't so I went to 7 more dates after that--- ND I GOT MY FIRST EVER KISS??? LIKE HELLO? this dude I kissed, we met on tinder and I went to his place the night I first saw him and I gave him a glockglock3000 it was crazy-- but after that night I learnt why people like dick- and he got a pretty one too and it tasted sweet?????? maybe from the lube he was using but we didn't do the full thing cuz I was kinda hesitant cuz I BARELY KNOW HIM OFC??? but yea I learnt some things but my experience with men in general wasn't really working out bc ALL I WANT IS LOVE and it seems like u cant really find that on dating app.

other than that, i cut off some people from my life. it was sad but I think its about time. this girl I really wanted to befriend with since freshman year, we ended became bestie and even lived together in the apartment, but I think it was really toxic tbh- it think the more I knew people, the more I feel like I withdrew myself form them.thats kinda scared me because I really wanted to accept people the way they are but it was really not good having her around- for some reason in social settings, everytime I spent time wth her, it just irritaes me more and that made me realize that friendship wasn't supposed to be like that, it shouldn't cost you your mental health to be living with your friend so yeah, after graduation, I never contacted her and she also never contact me either so it's mutual I think

my time at skidmore was overall fun, I went to typical college parties, got drunk and wasted but it was all really fun. i love my girl friends my bbygurl I love them so much and they made my time at skidmore 100000x so much better. i would be a lot more miserable if it wasn't because of them. there was rough patches along the way but we are good friends so I was able to let go everything and keep our friendship eventho now w graduated and harder to see each other but I really hope to meet them again<3 I love them thao kim connie rebecca and my isu babies<3

my plan now is hoping i land that job in Boston > lease an apartment > fly from jakarta and meet natan > relocate to Boston and get my stuff at Uhaul in Albany > starting working and getting the sense of really world > SAVE A LOT OF MONEY SO I CAN SPOIL MY LOVED ONES AND MYSELF

i think i can do it. delusion is the key and I quite frankly believe in myself. i really hope so I wish.

so yeah, thats mostly the update from me. hopefully in the next post I can give you a better news and more GOOD STORY FROM MY LOVE LIFE yea. ok goodbye for now and I see u later

[rawrmeansilyindinosawr]

HARD COCK CAFE > OLIVE GARDEN iN TIMES SQUARE????

Tha security guards there were giggling while asking me if I had a drank in my purse at Hard cock cafe !! excuse MOi??? i have NEVER blacked out in ANY circumstance under the influence of alcohol! except at Von where the owner touched my belly button! (And maybe 1 more or 2 or 3 more times) i only have chewing gum and cigarettes, a blue condom from Ag Urgent care i'm afraid to use, and my hello kitty house key in my purse !! I tried to eye tha area to find a hot daddie but.... No luck SIGHHHH. V sad, v disappointing, lots of asexual - "it's strictly business"- vibes. Olive garden is MUCH better. (ask for anydrink with italian rum and Its a Guaranteed black out.not that I would kno ab tht tho.)

CELEB SIGHTINGS OF THIS WK:

i saw debby ryan in a vanity fair commercial and frank ocean biking on a Benz bike in tha city . and amy poeler in a neuromarketing article online this week and now i feel like i was neuromarketed in a Neuromarketing article? I love science and psychology!!!!!!

Fashion tht im obsessed with RN!:

-Marie Antoinette Accessories + 90's Kristen dunst's FACE```

-Carrie bradshaw's grungey purple corset tryna b

80's madonna

-Heatwave attire : blazer with nothing inside , lingerie ONLY *most recommended to wear to ur local bodega cuz u hav GOT to b tha hottest 1 at tha deli<3*

-Crochet knit wear / crochet lingerie

-Full pussy out as the NEW LOW RISE!!! ! Inspo by julia fox. Tha queen herself wears it w a bald /Brazilian pussy but as a body positive and pubic hairadvocate, I personally enjoy a landing strip with a pussy tat. ^ ^

FASHION WEBSITES I FOUND VIA SKOOL THT R ACTUALLY SUPER HELPFUL N COOL:

-wgsn.com (trendspotters run it and track fashiontrends + emerging brands/designers/store fronts)

-fashionsnoops.com (online forecasting + fashion

trend analysis service)

-snapfashun!! (LA+ European retail reports n merchandising trends. They have a fashion library n it's updated 14 times a year!)

Ur ex fiancé from La is cyber stalking ur friends thruthe dog's account and is tryna explain how he's new ly single/see how ur doing/n want 2 know what Yr face tat looks like????? i think i will spend the rest of my Life wondering why some people can bring out some emotions in me i never knew i could feel, some i never thoughtWERE possible to feel, and i think i will s pend a lot more time than i originally thought 2 unlearn the intensity of those emotions And to never again mistake it for "love.' And i will have to accept i'll never get the apology i truly deserve from ppl from La that "moved to Ny to have a fresh start" ... when they know they got more drama here than back west. Closure comes from within i know but some people best know it's on site .

i miss dancing w strangers in Le pain to Ol town road. We were all thinking the same thing, did we ever really think we'd dance to billy rae cyrus at a club when we'd grow up ? And sneaking bottles into jane hotel and dancing on the table tops while getting free clothes from designers, I love my life n i love all my friends I get to make memories with and I fukin love myself !!!! I want everyone to know ..... I'm in my hate male era!!!! and adderal era!! and taking NO shit era cuz i know im gullible but i sure as fuck am not stupid!!! ERA!!!!!!! Unemployed and omw to Washington, LA, then Mexico ERA!!!!!!

AAAAAAHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!! ( Comment tht u heard

me scream if u heard me scream thru tha screen!!!!!) Til nxt week maybe?? :3

Xoxo, Ur fav gossip girl, bushwick baby, n

Taiwanese-Rockaway-princess,REN!!!!!!!<3

[millionsorganel]

2022

(Wrote in 22/12/22)

This year is almost done. 1st January 2022, i dont really picture what to achieve other than completing my never ending assignments and struggle to finish my degree. That time i was so scared, so anxious I couldn’t finish my degree like how i wanted for so long. Time pass by. During semester break in March i have trip to Penang with my friends like how we planned (after a year postponed) spending time with them for 3 days and how short it is compared to when we were in diploma years we met everyday, i miss those moment and realize it will never be the same anymore. I hoped we all achieve our dreams i will always prayed the best for them. I hoped even after 20 years we still there for each other even we no longer in the same path like how we met before. I always blessed with unexpected rezeki. A week after, my aunty offered to join her trip to tioman bcs her friends couldn’t make it. I just payed half of the expenses for the trip and it is one of the best unexpected trip to go. I always grateful for that. In april, i started my final semester, this time there are classes in hybrid and physical. I didnt get college and had to going back and forth bangi shah alam like in March 2020 before covid happens. Of course i never like shah alam before, i always feel i never belonged there. Aby (my friend) offered to stay with her sometimes since she got college and she will be attending more physical class. There are few times i stay with her when im tired to go back. I started getting close to her in 2019 we were housemate and same place for internship. It was four of us, until we entered degree we still close. And when covid happen, i think she is one of friend that I regularly kept in touch and met. Before she was having hard time but recently she getting a job that she really happy with and back near her home, im so happy for her.

My final semester was not the best, i juggling with every emotions, i felt alone, i was trying very hard, going back and forth, seeing everyone travelling, working, having their own money to spend where i still nowhere. It was so hard. Till the very end, i still cannot believe in myself to completing this degree. 5 August 2022, im officially finished and complete my degree. Submitted my final thesis and sitting exam for the last time. I go back home with all heavy burden lifted but i feel overwhelmed at the same time. Next day, i jumped to a roadtrip with my highschool friends, it was fun and best trip because for the first time i dont have to think about my study, my thesis or my assignments. It was one of the best moment in my life. We checked in at a beautiful boutique hotel. It also the first time we met nani’s boyfriend. I think he was shy with us, we rarely make any conversation and i kinda feel bad to joined their date. But i can see they clearly loves each other, i prayed the best for them!!!! Our on the way back was all fun until we almost arrive home.. we had a small accident. a bit traumatised bcs involve big lorry and it was at the highway and things could go really bad if we are not lucky. We made police report and all those things and arrived home safely. Back from the trip, i am officially unemployed and yes i have been job hunting ever since. It was up and down moment for me seeing my friends landing their first job only after a month graduate. I try to think positive it not yet my rezeki, my time will come soon. Idk i just hope i landed my first job this year but now less than 10 days to 2023, im not getting any job offer yet. During this 4 months of unemployed and job hunting, i try to rediscover myself, i wanted to be better, i wanted to change bad habits. Slowly but surely. I hoped i become better next year. I also going to few places that was not in plan. I went to perak with my family, trip to singapore with my parent as birthday trip and went to genting with my cousin. Im trying to enjoyed those moment that i will maybe no longer can do it after i landed a job. Deep inside i know Allah has planned something bigger for me that i have been waited patiently. But as human, theres a time i questioning why im still jobless, why im still like this, why im not like others. Having 9-5 job (they hated) but had that adult money to spend. Maybe it just because of money, i know i have to trust Allah in this but i still have to do something right?

I know i have to start somewhere but I couldn’t find where to begin. Idk if im not meant to be an engineer or it just not my time yet? Im scared i will become a failure to my family. I am a burden now, i wanted to help my family financial crisis. But im lowkey scared to start randomly. I hoped i have the courage to start again.

22 December 2022, 11.19 pm

[desitenya]

chapter long breaking bad inspired spin off. just rewriting 212 and everything goes back to normal by the end. emphasis on gag anime

everything starts the same but like instead of kochikame ending breaking bad just ended. kusuo doesnt really care. kuniharu just lost his job and at the same time’s mourning the loss of his favorite show. hes all like aaagh wish i could just cook CENSORED. kusuo smacks the word out of the air hes spiking a volleyball. youre insane, you cant just say that in a shonen jump manga. also did you not at all get the point of the show.

kuniharu’s like yeah i was joking but im still unemployed and kuusuke walks in sitcom style like cannon. he’s like yeah let the man do what he wants. i think this would be a great independent business opportunity and i’ll even be your first employee. dont worry about the chemistry part i can do that. kuniharu’s like noooo i wouldnt noooooooo. but’s totally into it.

anyways by this point i havent got a clue how kuusuke would be able to walk out the door without kusuo grabbing him by the scruff of his neck and putting him into time out in some barren land. if kuusuke manages to talk himself out of it promising that hes crushed up blue raspberry jolly ranchers for him, a montage of kuniharu being chased by various dangerous things is just the level of fucked up but acceptable that sknpn allows.

as for the his old company gaining enough money.. idk maybe kuusuke uploads a series of viral vids of kuniharu narrowly escaping those situations. heavily edited of course. “39 year old man expertly climbs a tree as hes being chased by extremely large guard dogs”. naturally kusuo looks directly at the reader and says dont do drugs.

[fuck-customers]

sorry this is not exactly a fuck customers, but it's about my customer service job and i needed to vent

a little while back i sent in an ask where at the end i mentioned being thankful that i only had a week left at my shitty car wash job. i had been offered a job as an insurance verifier at a physical therapy clinic by one of our regular customers who was the owner of that place. after being stuck at the car wash for four years and constantly failing to land any interviews or get any calls back anywhere i applied i thought things were finally looking up for me. i was going to finally get to work inside out of the heat, get paid a little more and get health and dental (my family doesn't have health insurance so i really needed this)

so today, about two weeks into me working there, i come in and get told that they're going to have to let me go for the time being because the second location that i was going to be sent to once my training was over might have to shut down due to becoming severely understaffed. they told me that they would give me a call when they figure out what's going to happen and if the location gets to stay open they'll bring me back but for the time being looks like im unemployed

the car wash i worked at is right by the clinic location i had been training at so at the very least after getting the news i was able to swing by and explain my situation and ask them if they'd be able to take me back for now, i at least left them on good terms and they hadn't actually permanently filled my position yet (figured they wouldn't, that place is a fucking mess) so the supervisors said they'd talk to the boss over the weekend and see if they could bring me back monday. i really can't afford to be out of work for very long...

im relieved that ill probably still be able to get back to work quickly but man, im fucking defeated lol. i was so excited about the new job, finally having insurance, not having to deal with customers anymore. i felt humiliated even having to go back and ask for my old job back. really feels like that damn place owns my soul by this point. before i got offered that job i had considered becoming a custodian or a janitor so i guess i might try to look back into that

fingers crossed i can finally escape this hellhole for good soon. im so tired

[anandasamsara]

Hi, hello, im alive and back after a long while with no updates

Still don't have a job, but at the very least the lands mom owned were sold. We invested the money to try and buy a house. It's gonna take a long while yet.

Dad's health took a turn downside. It's probably cancer, which we all already knew, but yeah. He has an appointment with the oncologist in december to see what exactly we have to do. But. His morals also took the same turn. He's not working bc of a medical leave, but he's been dealing with everything terribly. He's decided he doesn't want to stay with mom anymore, he's been a jerk to her these last few months, and im suspicious that he has someone else. Don't have the courage to bring it up tho, mom's not the best but no one deserves this and it isn't supposed to be my problem anyway. So. Not touching that.

Mom's doing some treatments too, so she's been not awful lately. We had an 180 here. Im worried about her, bur can't help more than with company.

And what about me, you ask? Well, as every unemployed adult with close to zero work experience after being fired from my last job, i decided to invest in something, anything, to feel a bit like im not useless. So i bought a cutting plotter machine thingy to start a print shop that also makes stickers. Will have my first few orders in the next couple of weeks as im starting the business during the most busy art times of the year. There's at least 10 artists already planning on working with me, and 3 big artists alleys coming up, followed by a few smaller ones. But, i was stupid and bought the wrong sticker paper for my printer and just realized it yesterday. Now i gotta wait until Monday to see if i can return it and get the right paper, which im not sure its gonna work, so i might need to spend another 300brl (about 60usd) that i hadn't planned on spending. I even considered opening commissions again, but my head isnt in the right place for that yet. Gonna have to move some funds around, hopefully I'll still have money to try out for my specialization in medieval history next month. Bc even if it's being offered at a public university, it's still paid. Go figure.

Anyways, that's update done i guess, fingers crossed that the business go well enough to pay back the machine too bc that was painful. Financially painful.

[dalamjisung]

do you ❀ im jaebeom

word count: 1504

genre: slice of life, fluff, unemployed!jaebeom

member: jaebeom x reader

description: all is said and done; GOT7 disbanded. Your boyfriend, however, the leader of the group, knows it’s not the end... it’s just the beginning. 

You are not sure what surprises you more; him showing up behind you so suddenly, or the words that follow.

“It’s done.”

In the surprise of seeing your boyfriend in the middle of the afternoon, relaxed smile on his face and crinkling proud eyes, you complete forgot what he left for.

“Are– Are you sure?” Your hand covers your mouth in shock, wide eyes looking for any faltering sign in his, but all Jaebeom does is shake his head and giggle, opening his arms for you to come to him. Congratulate him, comfort him, love him; he isn’t really sure what he is feeling, and you catch on pretty quickly. After six years together, and four in the sharing the same apartment, you know how to read Im Jaebeom like one of the many book in his shelves, and you are sure he is the most beautiful collection of stories you’ve ever read. All of his movements, all of his words– it’s all perfect. His twin moles under his eyebrow, his wide smile that hides his eyes, his longish hair tickling his neck… it’s all perfect.

“Jaebeom, I swear to god if you’re fucking with me I’ll–“

“Just come here already,” He steps forward and pulls you by the hand, kissing you quick and softly. He doesn’t stop smiling for a second of it. “It’s done. We signed it.”

“Oh my god,” You pull away a bit, looking into his eyes. “Are you okay? I know it must’ve been hard…”

“It was the easiest decision we’ve ever made as a group,” He chuckles, arms pulling you closer and closer and closer until you are standing on his feet, laughing as he foolishly walks both of you to the couch. The sun peeks in through the window, almost like it is curious as to why there is so much giggling and hushed whispers coming from your living room, and when the light finally reaches him, you feel your heart so full that it might just explode. “You know how we felt about the agency.”

“But–“

“And no matter what,” He sighs, a fond smile in his face as he gives in to the warm comfort of the afternoon. “We’ll forever be GOT7. But I think it is important for us to grow as people now; not just as idols.”

“I’m proud of you.”

And you think that it’s your choice of words that drags a sob out of his chest. And then another one, and another, and another, and you pull him up to sit and melt into your chest; fingers running through the hair on his neck, caressing all the wight he’s carried over seven years in his shoulders away. It’s a been a long time coming, you’ve known it for a long, long time– all the nights Jaebeom would come home crying because of the CEO, all of the stress he’d put up with, all the disappointment, all of the anger. It is all gone now.

“This is so weird,” He mumble as he nuzzles towards your neck. “Being home this early.”

“Well, get used to it, my love,” You whisper in his ear, and just as you are about to kiss him again, you sneeze. Looking around, you see her, slowly making her way to her owner that is now almost asleep.

Nora swiftly jumps onto the couch and nestles in his chest, and as his hand caresses her back, you move to get up.

“Where are you going?”

“I forgot to take my allergy medication,” You chuckle, quickly grabbing a couple of pills and taking them with water. “Don’t want Nora or Odd to set me off again.”

“Marry me.”

Just as quickly as the water went in, it went out, straight through your nose. Cake, your favorite out of the five, is quick to come inspect the situation, and Jaebeom follows. He is smiling still, hand softly tapping your back in hopes to easy your breathing.

“Why are you so surprised?” He asks, bringing you closer and kissing the top of your head. “I always said I’d propose once I was no longer with the agency.”

“Wha– I; no, I–“

“No?”

“No, I mean, yes! Bu–“

“Then yes?”

“Im Jaebeom!” You screech, turning to look at him. His smile is now a teasing smirk, and you cover your face with your hands. “You… you just left, I didn’t think it would be now or– maybe I just forgot? I don’t know, are you sure? Are you sure this is what you want to do? I have no problem waiting, and–“

“Marry me,” He chuckles. “You’ve waited long enough. You’ve taken allergy pills long enough, and, well, you’ll still have to take them after we get married, but just the fact that you were willing to take them for years just to be with me is… I’m sure. I’ve been sure for years now, but I wanted to wait. I wanted–I want you to be my priority. Babe, I did work, I did idol, I did everything I had to; now I wanna do you.”

“Uh…”

“Not like that,” He blushes, and you swear you see some sweat accumulating in his forehead. His hand, usually steady and calm, are now agitated, fiddling with his rings. “I mean, like that too, but not now… unless you want to! Then I’ll gladly take you to the room and–“

You stop his rambling the best way you can think of. He is quick to respond, lips moving over yours and just letting you take all you want to take, because finally he had no one else to give anything too, anymore. For now, there are no schedules, anymore; no interviews, no reality shows, no rumors, no shows, anymore. For now, there’s just you.

“Is that a yes?” He whispers when you pull away, and you giggle at his nervousness.

“Yes,” You peck his lips, then his nose, then his cheeks. “I’ll marry you. Always.”

“Hopefully one time will be enough,” He breathes out, and from his fingers he pulls out one of his rings– a simple silver band that only fit on your thumb, but it didn’t matter. Nothing mattered as he slid the jewelry on your finger. “I’ll get you a ring. I promise– I just; I didn’t count on actually having the balls to ask you today and I didn’t prepare…”

“I want this one,” You tell him, thump up in his face.

“No, I can get you something better,” He rolls his eyes.

“But I want this one,” You pout.

“… why are you like this?” He mumbles, kissing you all over. “I love you so much.”

“I love you much more.”

“Well, that’s a blatant lie,” He snorts. “But I’ll let you have this one.”

“Oh, baby,” You follow him to the couch, laying on top of him as the cats got comfortable around you. “You’ll be letting me have all of them. I’m your fiancee, now. Get used to it.”

“Holy shit,” He breathes out and the smile is gone is a second. Suddenly, he is hoisting you up in his shoulders, hand quickly slapping your ass as you yelped in surprise. “Say that again.”

“Put you fiancee down!” You hit his ass too, the blood rushing down to your head making you slightly dizzy. “Jae–“

He throws you on your shared bed.

“Time to do you.”

It’s only on the next day that you truly understand Jaebeom’s ease about this whole ordeal– only when Jackson’s shrill voice wakes both of you up, and when Jinyoung’s disapproving gaze towards his friend lands on you, immediately turning into one of excitement. They drag you both to the living room, once all clothes were put on, and there is Bambam and Yugyeom bickering about Cake’s tiny legs. You hear Youngjae humming something from the kitchen, and you smell breakfast before he can even announce it. There is freshly brewed coffee on the kitchen counter and Mark comes into view with a beautiful bouquet in hands, eyes widening when he sees you.

“Yah!” He shouts, laughing while looking around. “Wasn’t this supposed to be a surprise?”

“How much of a surprise it can be when it on their apartment?” Bambam shrugs, still hugging Cake like there is no tomorrow.

“It would’ve been one,” Jinyoung pitches in. “If Jackson didn’t wake them up!”

“They are just too cute!” He squeals, running to you and hugging you tight. “She’s finally officially in the family!”

“I’ve been in the family for six years, what the fuck?!” You giggle, but hug him back nonetheless.

“Well,” Mark approaches, pulling you towards him in a warm hug. “We’re happy for you. For both of you.”

He gives you the flowers and you look at your fiancee, and the way he smiles is enough for you to know that this is the family you are marrying into. They are not going anywhere, and that is all you could ever wish for a better future with the man you love.

—————————-

Leader Im Jaebeom time! How about it? What do you think? Let me know :D I’m excited to see where JB will go and if the rumours about him signing with my favorite agency ever, AOMG, is true. Once again, thanks for the support lovelies, it means the world for me <3

[confidinggoblin-blog]

Joy.

Good evening (from my perspective) one and all. I hope you are all doing bloody well. Old Lukey boy has had a pretty good week all things considering.

It has been a busy week but that is what i need and as stated i wanted to write a blog post about all the good stuff in my life at the moment. It is important for me to be open and honest with you all about the stuff that i am going through out there has been a serious imbalance with what i have been open about very much in the flavor of all the bad shit and the stuff that has been bringing me down so it is well beyond the time that i should tell you about ll the stuff that is really keeping me going and smiling.

Friends.

To all my gorgeous, wonderful, kindhearted and fabulous friends out there that have reached out to me. I adore you. One of the toughest things about this separation has been that i have been completely uprooted from my life and from the people that have been closest to me for the last decade or so. The lesson that i have learned in this time is that i have been a fool to consider time and distance to be a defining feature of people that matter to me. I have people all over the slowly shrinking UK and seemingly the rest of the world that have taken the time to message me. You might not no this but something as small as a text or a facebook message have meant more to me than you could possibly imagine.

It's been such a comfort to me in this awful time but knowing you guys are there has been amazing and it's given me the opportunity to connect with people that I think I might have neglected over the years. This isn't through any lack of care or feeling or anything but purely through life getting in the way. Upon reflection being by all means unemployed for the moment has really been great for me to have the time to talk to folks that i haven't had the opportunity to connect with properly for a while. Already when i land back in the UK this Tuesday I'm looking forwards so much to going to Norfolk to see some of the best people a man could ask to know. All of my friends have been so amazing and it feels like I'm caught in some sort of wonderful pocket dimension where time has stood still on all these different formative periods of my life. From secondary school to the drama group i was apart of to the university days and London and beyond. I want you to know that although time and space got in the way i never let you stray too far from my thoughts and i cant thank you enough for not letting me stray too far from yours.

With summer looming over us like the big hay fever, eye rubbing, asthmatic bastard that it is i will be making my upmost effort to be seeing as much of you as possible. So dust off your sofas and spare rooms because the midlands ginger Hagrid is coming for you.

Family.

A very humble and gracious moment of thanks to all of my family near and far. I would like to think that this separation has been as much of a surprise/shock as it was to me but you have all been so fantastic in your support. To all my parents step or other wise, I know you thought you got rid of me but I'm back baby. ike a 6ft boomerang im back in your lives and i thank you so much for being supportive and understanding but giving me the room to cope with the massive task of working out what has to come next. It was a life event that im sure you werent expecting but you have been a great comfort in such a turbulant time in my life. Being able to return home and still have my own space is a luxury that not many people might have so i am incredibly grateful to you for allowing me to be safe and secure. If i get the chance and oppertunity in the future i will make sure you all end up in really wonderful old people's homes. Running water and Werther's origionals. Not the generic stuff from lidl's.

To my big brother and my wonderful sister in law.

It was in no way your responsibility to take me into your home in a time of great crisis in my life. The world has dealt enough blows but for you to welcome me into your lives form this last month has been a time of great change for me. Having someone invade your life (family or no) can't be easy and i know from personal experience that i am an less than ideal house guest but i really can't state with enough humility how much this has helped me to heal. I have never once felt like i was in the way (i am sure i was but you have never made me feel this way). You have included me in every aspect of your lives and i hope that one day i get the opportunity to thank you properly. You opened your door to me when i needed it most with no question and no demanding of details. You gave me time to be hurt. You gave me time to be happy and join you in happiness and you gave me time to talk to you about how i am hurting without judgment or impatience. On top of this the time i have been able to spend with my kick ass funny nephew has been something that has been severely lacking in my life.

To my little brother and phenomenal sister in law B&B.

When i rang around everyone to let them know what had happened you jumped into action like the dammed justice league, I think you were in the van with a full tank before the phone call had ended ready to rescue me from my misery and solitude. You had a home open to me and jobs waiting to keep me afloat and a baby nephew that you couldn't wait to have spend more time with his uncle Luke. Your care and love has done more to mend my heart more than anyone could ever break it. I am a better man for knowing the three of you and i strive t o keep being the best version of myself that you all deserve. And if you are reading this Pav (or anyone who knows him) i want you to know that i count you in the family. Who else than family could have such a stunning precision for calling at the exact moment that we sat down for dinner all those years ago just to tell us what you had been up to. Not to mention that you dropped everything to help the big brother of your friend. It might not seem like much but you are a very special young man and i am very lucky to know you.

To my little sister R.

I initially saw your excitement at my leaving London as a double edged sword what with everything falling apart but you have been a huge part of my ability to heal. I took the excitement of my coming back to the midlands badly much to my shame. The joy you felt was now the very same joy that i feel with only a couple of days left in Ireland. I feel the same joy that i can now be such a more present part of my beautiful nieces and nephews life. The days following the separation where i could hang out with the kids and show them star wars for the first time have quickly become a part of my life that i will treasure as long as i live. This period of my life where i have been able to share something so important to me with the people i love have helped to show me what is really important. I have given up the rat race for the moment. Living my life to go to an unforgiving job and replaced it with the excitement of my nieces and nephews running into my living room excited to hang out and find out what happens next in one of my favorite stories. It is especially special to me when that story is completely about family. A story where family is the driving force for being better. A story where no matter how bad things might be, family good or bad will be the thing that makes everything better. Where together even an insurmountable oppressive force can be overpowered by just letting yourself help and be helped by those closest to you.

And for my little sister J.

You are growing up in a time that few have had to grow up in. The pandemic has made it as hard and as unforgiving a time to start university as possible but you have shown yourself to be driven, brave and unrelenting in the face of a very trying first couple of years at uni. I am proud to be your big brother and i cant wait for you to come back from uni and you can show me what young people get up to. I will be insisting on at least one night out with you because i realized that any opportunity that i can take to be the embarrassing big brother is something that i wont pass up for a long time. One of my favorite photos of us is at my wedding with me throwing you around the dance floor. I know the teenage embarrassment was strong that night but the photo really shows what it means and i promise to keep embarresing you for as long as i can. Make sure you bring your dancing shoes to L&D's wedding.

To L&D. I cannot wait for the wedding and i will be on top form. Seeing all you guys again is so exciting and a good motivator to make sure i can fit into my good suit and extending the invitation through the day was so generous. I will repay it with dances and good times for sure.

i should sign off now as we are creeping into the very wee hours but aren't you all proud of how focused that was.

I continue to try my best to be better.

Smiles and Sunshine.

L

cc