#but ill try to make some stuff if i can
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Yours truly
#crazeymcart#me#lmao#these days have been weird#and rough#some good#some awful#some very very very very awful.#I'll be okay#its a shame that i havent got enough time for art or motivation#but ill try to make some stuff if i can#cuz i love posting art
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so with echoes of wisdom .. i havent watched any of the trailers beyond the very first one and the thumbnails/screenshots and what others have said about it-
but with the world inside the rift being called "Welt des Nichts" aka "world of nothing/void" in german ('still' in english, for some reason) and demises title in french being "avatar of nothing" ... yeah my anxiety is shooting through the roof again
(hopefully you can be a little more forgiving for me being anxious/weird about it bc demise is my blorbo)
i had similar worries with totk, that werent proven true thankfully, but the darn book is making it all worse again with all those weird lore things the game doesnt even so much as hint at AND potential retcons- im in for a really rough time huh, not just stress in real life (more in tags.. its alot) but now about my specific hyperfixation from two things even (AND artblock still..)
weird as it may sound, i dont want demise to get more lore, partly bc i dont believe theyd do anything with him that i would like (given their track record) but much more importantly- the fact that he has this little lore about him is precisely one of the reasons why i fell in love with him, i tend to like characters that are neglected by the narrative, and his story being both so flat and already done meant i can be very creative with what i come up with for him without necessarily contradicting anything in canon (which is ... or was a big point of how i wrote destiny's story and lore, working with canon in a way that reframes it all without straight up ignoring it ... but i suppose i urgently need to let go of that and accept i spend alot of time working things that will go to waste :( ) AND not having to worry that there will be more stuff with him that would massively change not only what im writing but also potentially how i feel about him since the game he was briefly in was the oldest chronologically and ended with his death- i didnt expect them to mess with anything that far back and thought theyd just go forward and leave the timeline behind and wouldnt mess with it again, given how botw seemed to be a sort of 'fresh start' that seemingly regarded the past as the past that needs to rest and that the timeline was finally no longer a discussion if everythings unified through botw and one thing going forward
but i suppose i was very wrong with that .__.
right now the only thing that motivates me still is the left over determination and spite to work on my zelda comic, since i have never gotten this far and really want to get something done for once, but i cant lie that im feeling like i should pause all work on it too to wait and see waht the book and the new game will do .. either to determine if i still have the will to keep working on it after those things are out (my love for tloz has been taking alot of hits lately ..) or if i have to change stuff (mostly bc of my lore problem trying to not ignore it ..)
#ganondoodles talks#zelda#ganondoodles rants#sorta#suicide attempt mention in the IRL stuff im talking about in the following tags btw#theres some construction stuff on our house going on#and my father is extremely stressed about it#he used to be very explosive- being silent and then exploding out of nowhere .. probably left me with lasting damage yippie-#but now he much more lets it eat at himself bc hes old and feels bad for the past stuff so now it makes him irritated and depressed#my older brother is the most normal cis straight guy you can imagine and incredibly impatient and bossy (you CANNOT talk with him)#(brother doesnt live in our house)#and while hes helping out hes doing it exactly how my father doesnt like and since you cant talk to the guy (explosive +200) it stresses hi#to the point of my father yesterday saying that “it would have been better if i had just died back in the day”#likely referring to the time when he was drafted for the military against his will and tried to kill himself#which i learned only like .. a year ago- theres so little my parents tell me ....#its like my mother telling me- while my father was in hospital for heart surgery- that she not only almost died back when i was a young tee#and only survived bc of some incredibly unebelievable lucky coincidences (medics on a travel being there that knew what she had-#-while our local doctors said welp- nothing we can do lady AND them beign there with a helicopter and emergency transferring her#to antoher bigger hospital while giving her immediate treatment our local one didnt do- AND at the big one just so happened to have-#-an expert on that illness in the facility when she arrived who was able to narrrowly save her life#BUT ALSO while she was recovering and weak and frail as a dust bunny witnessing someone stealing hospital surplies-#not noticing she was in the room at first (which .. the nurses left her in the nurse room while going on break ... which uhm .. yeah cool)#and if my mother hadnt acted in time like she was fully asleep and the lady stealing stuff beign in hurry- she might have killed her#without my mother being able to fight back bc she could barely even talk (the nurses didnt want to believe her when they got back either)#ANYWAY that comment from my father brough me to tears#and my mom is trying out more ... other medication shes not prescribed in hopes of it helping agaisnt her many pains#but i worry it will interact with the other stuff shes on ...#and i worry so much about both of their mental and physical well being#always trying to be the one to calm them down or help with communication bc that is a big problem in this houesehold#but i myself am also a very much not normal and not medicated shut in who has trouble dealing even with my own feelings
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okay fine i'll read homestuck. whatever. i've cracked i can't take it anymore i need to fuck around and find out.
#🐉#james reads homestuck#btw i know some people have legitimate objections to it so im fully prepared for that#and im not going to be an idiot and just try to ignore that and bury my head in the sand#but im curious as hell and even if some of it sucks i want to understand why#its such a compelling and beloved story to so many people#and hell i want to actually understand why some of it is Bad (for lack of a better word)#and not just take the word of random internet strangers as objective truth without further investigation#because thats the opposite of using my critical thinking skills#if you think reading media with some shitty stuff in it makes you a Bad Person just by exposure well idk why youre still following me anywa#but yea heres your warning that i will become aware of homestuck if thats something you cant stand#even though the likelihood of me blogging about it is slim#and if i do ill probably like. make a sideblog so people who really dont like it can avoid it.#MAN. okay. sorry for the disclaimer im just worried people are gonna think im an idiot or something and send me condescending asks#or assume the worst about me as a person#because. internet.
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Forgot to post this here butttt
Working on a welcome home animation and mighttttt take me a while
#the idea is just wally getting the barnaby plush and thats kinda it#i did plan this before when i ordered the wally plush (sep 8 2023) but didnt have the motivation and stuff for it#its inspired by the image of wally peaking out of homes side window with the text below “there he is!” not sure if its wally saying it#either wally noticed someone or someone noticed him but anyway#i saw that image and was thinking to make an animation of it instead of the “there he is!” text its going to say “he's here.”#i also realized i might need to voice that only line or even make sounds for the background😭#i already was close to finishing background 2 (where eddie will be seen walking to wallys house) but my tablet died#grrrrrr#also unrelated but i wrote in my book todayyy (i never write at all) but hey its kinda fun to write my ideas huahahahaah#i plan on doing some research on welcome home and write it down (maybe even some theories hmm??) also doing research on the characters#just to try to get to know them more (cuz i have been crazy for them for AGES and still feel like i haven't done enough)#oh yeah CALL ME CRAZYYY butttt since the irl world sucks i plan on making little writings like im IN welcome home just because idk#more explaining and better ones on my tiktok vid description (user in my bio)#also i feel like things might be getting better for me cuz wowie i never thought id be animating again#but now all this motivation...so many ideas appearing...need to focus on one at a time...darn#HEY! 12 days till a break from the evil cell of educational purposes??? (school) FINALLY PURE HEAVEN I CAN BE FREE WITHOUT SUFFERING#welcome home#partycoffin#wally darling#welcome home arg#welcome home fanart#welcome home wally#7 backgrounds left to do...then ill have to animate...oh evilllll so evillll
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Is it hard dating that isn’t chronically ill? I am another chronically ill person and I’m scared to date someone that isn’t chronically ill because they won’t understand my pain and make me feel bad about it (I’ve had a lot of trauma with it in the past). Just wondering if it’s possible to do and how you and your partner navigate it?
honestly, yes it’s so hard, but only in the sense that i constantly feel like im holding her back or disappointing her. it’s so hard being sick all the time and not knowing when or if im going to be well enough to take her on an actual date or all the other things that my illnesses get in the way of, but she’s the first person i’ve ever known to never ever validate that guilt by making me feel bad for things out of my control.
she always lets me know i don’t have to apologize for bailing last minute or spending our only weekend together sick and in bed asleep for half the time because she knows it’s not something i’ve chosen. i’m so used to people making me feel like im just being lazy and choosing to not participate in things and am purposefully letting people down, especially in romantic relationships with non-chronically ill people, so i totally get the fear and it’s so valid. if you ever wanna talk more in depth my dms are always always open, i hope this made sense
#em is the most caring empathetic understanding person i’ve ever met#she helps me from pushing myself all the time even when i know it’s disappointing to her#but she never lets it be my fault or resent me for it and part of that is open communication definitely#we do our best to plan dates and things we can do when there are little to no spoons left#so that there’s always stuff we can do to make both of us feel a little better#but it’s really only Me that makes it hard#she makes it so so easy#i’m just also traumatized and trying to unlearn it#some people really are that patient and loving and i’m learning that with em#my asks#cw chronic illness
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yet another oc that only exists because i wanted to write something very specific
(middle is a little older, hence her scar healing. i like to think she gets a glass eye at some point)
anyway this is mira! (they/she) since that wip is almost 20k words and counting i won’t give away too much but long story short she’s the result of meta going “one last time, i promise” and adopting yet another kid
also galaxia kinda indirectly picked the name :)
i’ve mentioned before that i headcanon that pretty much all astrals are autistic and this is just kinda an extension of that. whereas meta tends to suppress his emotions and conform to others, mira…doesn’t. she gets uncomfortable and upset and lashes out at people easily, and working through their emotions is no small task.
the main reason i chose to write them that way was for the sake of narrative but i’ve grown attached to it because there’s a lot of ideas there i’d like to explore. stuff about navigating emotions and relationships when existing is so suffocatingly uncomfortable. it’s not something i could center around Kirby himself, but i think it makes sense with a post character development meta knight.
they are very loved (omg oldee cameo???)
kirby was definitely very excited to have younger siblings after being used to being the youngest in the room for so long!! (with the like. one and only exception being gooey.) he’s super affectionate with both of them and wants to have a close relationship one day, but for now mira is pretty unappreciative of that fact lol. they don’t like being pestered for hugs
everyone else is okay tho
(i know that’s hard to read. oops. “obvious bite marks”. siblings being siblings.)
mira also has a very love/hate relationship with the egg kid, being so close in age they kinda Have to get along but in typical sibling nature they also fight a lot. sure it’s probably rough for a while but i think in the end they’d be good buddies. maybe not as close as Kirby and Bandee but still.
anyway i have a lot of thoughts and am very busy but. i’m really enjoying writing about all this lately it’s been fun ^^
#I picked a name and then proceeded to write a comic in pen in which i used that name and posted it#and only after all that did i learn that mira is becoming a very popular name. which i generally avoid#but oh well. it’s stuck#im gonna be completely honest a lot of how i pick names for characters is based off of how many puns i can make out of it#im sorry to disappoint you with that information /j#kirbyposting#my art or something#meta knight#kirby#king dedede#metadede#Kirby oc#semi future au#I swear i’ll introduce oldee one day im just bad at having drawing ideas#also trying very hard to not make self deprecating comments over some of this art cause i just. don’t really want to spend forever redrawing#stuff anymore. like I used to do for a lot of these posts. It’s whatever#anyway kinda a part two to yesterday’s post (as in: I made sure they were both ready at the same time so i could queue them together lol)#weirdly enough this isn’t all that different from my dmk interpretation#i can’t really decide what color she is either#part of me wants to say bright blue red eyes because i think that would look absolutely sick but that seems like a bit too much blue#all things considered#maybe bright yellow blue eyes idk ill figure it out later (maybe)
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i made a post asking if u guys would like my oc being a failed eva/trish thingy (would it be eva or trish i still dont know) and i think yall did and i did say if enough people liked it i would make a post going a bit more into it. yeah. something like that. anyway this is thay post
be warned this is one of the few times ive decided to write out oc lore n stuaff so it migjt be a little sloppy. a bit bad. im not a professional at this sort of thing. we ball
ok yap time
so the whole idea was that Liniyal (the dmc oc in question) was like. a proto trish i guess u could say???? that eventually escapes mallet island and tries to live a normal life. or as normal as she can all things considered
how she escapes i havent really figured out yet. i think during the collapse would make tje most sene but thats as far as that goes. i heard that trish and dante got there by boat so maybe she made her own little makeshift boat and skedaddled??? who knows. but she Gets Out
the only reason why mundus even keeps her long enough that she manages to escape is that he wanted to punish her failure (even if technically he was the one that failed) by keeping her locked up and showing her what she couldve been and what she couldve done when he finally creates the perfect one aka trish. its like when a parent says "you should/could be more like (person)" but way worse if that makes sense
so then dmc1 happens and all the while liniyal is like somewhere just kinda trapped and then mundus is defeated and shes able to be set free since his magic stuff was beung used to keep her locked up and since hes like gone? probably? it would kinda just disappear. you know??.????
so yada yada she escapes and arrives to main land and the immediate first thing she wants to do is remove or cover anything that reminds her of what she is. basically starting a new life or at least trying to
its like a V situation where she has to go around stealing stuff and hunting demons 4 food (since i think he does that in vov) at first she probably has the mosy horrendous fashion taste but for like 95% of her life she WAS naked so u cant blame her too much. she does get better eventually i hopr
ive yet to decide whether or not i want to give her a buddy who like helps her w everythinf because while i do think it would be nice idk if id want to make it a canon character and if not that would mean id have to make up a whole new character and i just Dont Know how to go about that. maybe i can jusg say there was some guy and you can put your own interpetations on em if u wanted
also still thinkimg about when she would actually appear in "canon" either during dmc4 or dmc5. not sure when in dmc4 but for 5 i thought about maybe her firsy appearence would be in the far background when nero is fightinf (checks notes) artemis kinda like how in the one dmc4 cutscene you can see dante just chilling while neros kicking ass
and then her like meeting appearence if that also makes sense would be when V or nero come across a later boss (still on surface or when v is in the queen empusa area) and she gets like whacked so one of em decides they gotta like help??? and soon enough she'll be bavk on her feet and syart fighting alongside em and be like a companion. dont know where to go after that though
i 100% do think that if she were to ever meet trish it would be AWKWARD. even if trish wouldnt know her (another thing i havent decided on. that comes up a lot in here) she would know trish and just feel all weird aroun her because. You Know
and i think? thats all i can think off the top of my head????? it is fsirly late when im writing this so idk i might be too tired to remember anything else that would be important
i hope this isnt a let down like i said im not very good this sort of thing. at some point i think im gonna make a ref that has liniyal, trish, and eva to likr compare them and see how liniyal was considered a failure. and thrn also her weapon and yada yada
if anyone has any suggestions or questions or corrections u wanna make feel free to reblog or senf me an ask i am open to Everything
okauy. goodnight
#thesillyvivi.txt#devil may cry#dmc oc#liniyal#ok mayne a LITTLE more rambling in tags. sorruy#idk if ive ever mentioned this befote but incase i havent#another one of my ideas for liniyal was that she would have been an old friend of nico#that decides to pay her a visit during dmc5 and maybe offer some help where she could#i debated on making her half demon like the sparda bros or even like nero#but idk how that would work#also im REALLY bad at making s/dt designs........#i do think i will be redesigning her a tad bit when i make the ref. jusy a little#possibly may come back to this from time to time to edit stuff if need be#after this ill try to delve moreinto dmc lore so i can make some stuff more accurate#+ get a general better understsnding of how this will all fit into everything#now THATS everything i can think off the top of my hesd inportant or not.#bye
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the main characters (minus 3) of teensy tiny bad dreams!!!1 they are literallyjust standing there why aren’t they moving
+ one mono sketch that i rlly like :]
#SORRY this is sorta boring this is all i can do rn#ill try to make interesting stuff but life will be getting in the way like all of next month :sob:#i am very happy with their designs atm#they look more distinct (?) from each other#don’t rlly know how to word it lol#anyway the sillies!!! i love them!!! eepys#not much rambling today tbh im gonna go doodle some OTHER GUY which isn’t them#little nightmares#little nightmares 2#very little nightmares#little nightmares fanart#ln six#ln mono#ln rcg#ln rk
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Wverytime I sit down at a computer to make music I get so scared
#i like siting down with a guitar and writing music but the daw is still so scary to me and i dont know how to make it less scary#its like i dont know where to start#i understand music theory i can write chord progressions i can write melodies but arranging feels so daunting#like just trying to pick keyboard voices and stuff im like overwhelmed and then its like i just dont even know where to start#i think i need to do more covers to practice arranging because trying to do it with my own songs im just like i have NO IDEA#i do think that trying to recreate arrangements of other songs I like will help me but also just idk#i really want to get better at writing at the piano but i find it really hard#rn i write almost all my songs on the guitar then i guess what i have to do is try to think of like what style i want it to have#and sort of try to create a map like probably literally on paper and then try to go in and sort of do it but god its so hard i dont know#it feels so so daunting#even trying to make silly little stuff with just like some synths is really hard for me right now its so out of my comfort zone and AUGH id#its frustrating im scared of the computer but i also very much do not want to be an acoustic singer songwriter but thats all i can do#because all i can do is play fucking guitar!!!! and its just so frustrating#technically im like with a midi controller i should be able to do whatever program drums write little synth lines etc i dont have to like#know how to play piano and yet whenever i try to do it i just get so overwhelmed and freaked out with how many possibilities there are#that i just . cannnnnt#AHGHHHHHHHHHHHH im so im in such a bad mood right ow#ive had such a horrible night honestly#i think i will just go engage in fixation for comfort and then go to bed sigh#i dont know what to do to improve at making music in the daw i guess ill just maybe try again this weekend to take another crack at it#god its just so frustrating that i only started writing songs 2 years ago and have only learned to use a daw in the last 3 months i WISH#that i was one of these teenagers who spent all my time writing silly songs and playing around with a midi controller but i just didnt#because i was scared!!!!!!!#playing the guitar and singing has always been like the only thing that felt safe cos i felt if i tried to actually write and arrange songs#by myself i would fail so now i just feel so frustrated because i dont feel like a real musician and i feel like im starting too late#AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH whatever sorry for using the tags of this post as my diary but#i am frustrated!!!!
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the masculine urge to take a saucepan off thr draining board and bash myself repeatedly over the head with it until I pass out and no longer have to experience feeling Bad 😍
#struggling to tolerate this one ngl its fucking dire this weekend. i just cant do this man#thr things i would fucking do for attention please. just one person to notice and care in the slighest i feel like im losing my fucking#mind out here how does every single person who has ever mattered to me in my lifr see me in distress and choose to ignore it or maybe they#dont even recognise im ij distress in the first place i dont know whats worse i dont think i hide it well at all im just so done#listen like ultimately its fucking fine. i will get myself through it like ive gotten myself through everything else in my fuckijg life#i dont even feel bad that often these days im doing so so so much better and its so much more tolerable to only have to deal with this#once or twice a week instead of it being a struggle every single day like i dont think i could go back to feeling like that again ever i#dont know how i managed to get througyh it before jesus fucking christ. but i can deal with it i can deal with this#ik ill feel fine tomorrow. its just thr fact im so desperately fucking alone with it that makes it so much worse than it has to be#i fucking hate repression i hate being so incapable of expressing myself that its easier for me to injure myself than it is to talk about#how i feel to anyone i hate being trapped in this stupif fucking torture labyrinth and not knowing how to get out of it and never being#given a single avenue anything to hold onto i hate having to do it alone every single fucking time and when i do try i just freeze out#entirely i cant form a coherent thought my brain enters total fucking shutdown pure static white noise fuzz and i dont know why please#its so unfair i dont think its that much to want a little comfort. just once just for someone to stay with me while i cry it doesnt have#to be more than that i just dont want to be alone like this i just want to feel safe around someone just close to someone just once#and well ill survive without it bc i always have i guess. so far at least. and there are many things im grateful for and i do in general#feel pretty okay my life is pretty good at times even. i feel so pathetic and stupid and ashamed for even feeling like this#but do i have to go my entire life without ever experiencing any kind of real intimacy with another person emotionally that is#i mean physical is nice too and they go hand in hand in some ways but i just want to feel seen and safe over anything.im tired#i feel like i try.but not hard enough i know its all my fault really but i dont know how to try any harder but nothing will ever change if#i dont i cant expect anyone to do anything if i cant rven communicate in thr first place. oh i dont want to think about it anymore#i have a headache from crhing and its not even 8pm ugh. okay. well it is what it is.#ill breathe until i calm down and then tidy up whatever i left in the kitchen and get my work stuff ready for tmr#and polish my boots maybe. and read and go to bed at 9:30 i think. and ill feel fine in the morning#my fault for thinking about it earlier i know i shouldve nipped it earlier on its such an easy spiral to fall into i need to get better#it happens. okay anyway. no cause for concern im good guys. weakly thumbs up at the camera all covered in blood#my period is late actually thats probably all this is lmao. makes sense thinking abt it#cant wait for it to finally start and all earthly desire to leave my body so i never experience pain again amen#.vent#ignore this sorry for being mentally ill im not even that mentally ill anymore so no excuse rly ummmm. bit embarrassing innit.
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not otherkin related but bc this blog is the most active of mine and thus where i deal with it the most. here's a gentle reminder;
Don't forget your manners just because you're on the internet!
the users behind all ur fav blogs are real flesh and blood beings with thoughts and feelings. Treat them as such. If you don't like a post or part of a post, keep it to yourself?? or better yet, don't reblog it at all??? dont comment that you dont like it or that its gross. That's weird and mean and unnecessary. Be polite when talking to people you don't know. If I don't know you I am not going to be comfortable with "friendly" banter or rudeness, it's just rude. and for the love the universe, if you are asking for something (a request, a doodle or a link to some resources): SAY PLEASE AND THANK YOU!
#otherkin#therian#alterhuman#tumblr#fandom#just in general#i can and DO block people over this#just be nice??? good lord#ill try make or reblog some nice aesthetic stuff to balance out all the text posts soon#just been talky recently i guess#its not even just on tumblr too i have to have a 'use ur manners' rule on my TH resources too#like jfc
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shit... now that i wear earrings im gonna have to whip up an earring rack to hang them all in plain sight, lest i forget they exist...
#im Thinking! buncha granny squares crocheted together?#or perhaps... some sort of rug thing...#OHHHH RICE STITCH MAYHAPS!#i could combine the rice stitch idea with the squares#rice stitch squares slapped together...#or maybe ill try a New stitch#maybe....#i have a nice skein of ombre brown yarn i haven't touched yet...#OH OH OH I COULD COMBINE ALL THREE#granny squares! rice stitch squares! Who Knows squares!#that could create a fun Texture. a Look#absolutely unprompted#fuckkkkk i love crochet its so neat i can make my own stuff!!!!#i need a jewelry rack? i can make it!#i want some cozy elbow-length hand warmers? made em! making more!#coasters? abound! blanket? you got it! tiny whale? plenty! cat toys? easy!#saves money and Increases Quality of Life!#i can surround myself with fun handmade things of my own creation#Useful things! Meaningless things as well!#my pig beanie baby has a Sweater now if you hadnt heard! i made it! its ugly. i love it!
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how is your game dev going:O
hi hi! ^-^/ it's tedious time-consuming work but thinking about The OCs™ I lovingly made and people maybe liking them all one day is what drives me when i get lazy or wonder why im doing this fr.
honestly i always want to talk about em here, but there's a part of me that doesnt want to spoil too much or 'ruin' the surprise for others yknow?
i do have a gamedev account. i nvr shared it cuz i got shy, but for those that want little peeks and updates here and there youre free to follow -> @kendev
but overall there's been pretty good progress on art and writing. been trying to focus more-so on the writing for a good while though, it's hard when you get distracted easy and lack discipline </3 </3 </3 but its getting there!
better to try than not :] ty for the ask
#kenmail#honestly i havent posted much there in a long time. its mainly little doodles or textposts i think fit characters#with the occasional devlog or character sprite/color testing#the separate blog is bcuz idk how much constant updates and stuff would bug ppl here#like yeah i get it. its my account i can post whatever! but there are some excited abt the game who want to go in somewhat blind#so i was trying to consider that. like 'hm ok. ill just make an account dedicated to The Work and snippets' yknow#that way people have the choice to view it if they want. or even mute the blog i suppose.#besides i wanna make more games in the future!! i figure its best for general branding. keep all the games under one catalogue kinda(?)#like yay follow this account for xyz updates. u-u probably gonna have to be a name change in the future tho maybe?#unless i make a separate blog again 🤔 so many accounts tho it sounds like more work so who knows....
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As aforementioned, please take my Leyendecker type Nando bcs that recent Boss pic has brainrotted me
+ ref:
#wish i could be even half the illustratator Leyendecker was 🤧🤧#i wasnt trying too hard to copy his style but i felt myslef subconsciously imitating some stuff#i feel like i always go look to his art for ref so it was nice to directly draw smth!!!#Nando's fitted waist 😵💫😵💫😵💫 reminded me so much of early 20th century clothes#so i HAD TO bcs my god#i don't think ill be able to get over that pic#as i said before can they make him do a shoot with full suits????#i love the mix of race suits and dressy clothing but god...imagine him in a full suit#and they should also add in the flowers from the gq shoot god....#okay anyways jfc its almost 8 am why do i do these things 😭#i think this took me about 5 hours ah....#well im very happy w it :)#i never draw masc men so i think i did pretty okay with this????#maybe now i will feel confidence enough for the 007 au haha#f1#formula 1#fernando alonso#f1 art#formula 1 art#catie.art.#*OH ALSO did you notice i gave him his fluffy hair back???#^ i think thats eveyrone's only complaint w the boss pics. no fluffy :(
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Friendship is the most special thing in the world because no award could be give me bigger happiness than jumping around in my room and smiling because my pookie asked me if I wanted to match pfps
#SHES AMAZING I LOVE HER AHHHHH#I hope we manage to find a cute bsd pfp it would be literally my dream#little vent tw!!#it's been so long since I matched pfps last time was with my ex who started being wayyyyy too weird..#and the other time was with a friend who started ghosting me some months later just because I didnt give her enough adopt me pets or smth 💔#and like. her stopping talking to be literally broke me as a person. it was devastanting for like 13yo me#woahhh thank you k. now I have social anxiety and keep dobting whether people really want me there or not#I still have a sort of love hate relationship w her but like its been over 2 years maybe 3 why do I still care abt it sm :<#especially since our other bestie is wayy more affectionate w k than w me it just makes me feel so weird like im sort of a 3rd wheel#but at least the friend im gonna match with is the sweetest person ever and we can be silly together :333#unfortunately we only know eachother from a course so we always have to wait 2 weeks to see eachother#and even tho i still see k almost every day shes pretty different now#but ive been feeling so so happy the last few days since school started and im afraid I might go back to being how I was when she returns#because. I bet my two friends will keep being silly together and ill have to sit w my ex again cuz hes still part of our friend group#I mean hes a nice and funny guy but I figured that a relationship wont work with us. I tried it and I just wanna be friends#I have a lot of fun w him but like in a platonic way#and im afraid he still thinks we should be together#meanwhile my besties keep flirting w eachother like??#I mean its pretty funny as a joke but I cant help but feeling kinda jealous especially because I used to have a huge crush in one of them#talked a bit too much ooopssss#Im just trying to move on but I hope k coming back doesnt start everything over again#anyways!! I love my bestie from the course smmmmmm Im still so so happy :D wish we could see eachother more#random stuff#chaos#friendship#violet rambles
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sorry about that last rambling post, i didnt mean to sound like its worse than it may be, but i got no ... lense to view it through but my own, and the main reason i wrote it out anyway was bc i needed to get it out (even if posting it might be not the greatest idea) .. and bc it kinda showcases, i think, how my stories kinda write themselves, involuntarily in a way? its not like im not putting in any effort- but its like .. i cant STOP it always keeps going and even the dumbest idea stays in some form, its very hard to get everything in place bc theres so much going on all the while i am very slow at making anything, writing or drawing anything, especially anythign coherent is very hard bc not only do i get constantly distracted, i get distracted by my own thoughts suddendly skipping to a certain scene and me having to go throguh imagining in detail NO MATTER how many times i have done it before for the same scene that i already decided on how it goes, when theres a new idea it can take over my entire day bc i cant let go of it-
not trying to sound either like im the only that has that sort of problem, but i think its a big part as of why i start tso many projects without being able to finish them, or even start them bc i constantly have to fight my own thoughts from derailing into another daydream session, thinking of too much too fast than i can ever draw or even write about and not knowing what is worthwhile and what isnt (im telling you i have no idea what is good and what isnt, idk why but for all i know all things i do could be trash, or they all could be bad, maybe the one i thinnk is decent is actually worse than the things i deem not good enough and once i start to think no this isnt good enough i stop having fun making or thinking it bc im trying to do better
honestly its kind of impressive that i can get anything out at all, not to pat myself on the back there but even if i hate how long it takes me, considering how much im having to work just to start working on something at all, the fact that i could post stuff coherent enough for some people to understand AND LIKE is something i should be a little more proud of
#ganondoodles talks#personal#sorry today is a bit of a brain fart day#got a headache and have wasted the entire time until now (5pm) with watching old analysis videos i have watched 5 times already#and crying over undertales music#how much could i get done if i didnt have to deal with thought trains going 200 above speed limit#also didnt mean to sound mean to people who like the things i deem cringy#BC I DONT KNOW WHAT IM TALKIGN ABOUT 90% OF THE TIME#I DONT KNOW IF ITS GOOD maybe it is#my judgement of my own stuff is pretty random#.... maybe thats why i can work with fanstuff that adheres to lore better#bc it sets limits for me#it gives me options of rails to derail onto without falling straight into the woods#idk if that made sense either#... i need to start drinking more#(and i guess by calling some of my stuff cringe bc i am entirely unsure of its quality im trying to make myself smaller than i am)#(so if it turns out to be actually bad- im more safe from ridicule since LOOK I AM SELF AWARE)#and there i go letting my thoughts spin further#maybe ill delete both of these posts tomorrow when i realize how dumb this is to say in the first place
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