#but ill try my best to get the motivation to start drawing again ^^

[wr-n]

SORRY FOR BEING GONE SO MUCH

[nothorses]

(anon u linked all those videos for) thank you so much! ill definitely check kut those videos but just reading ur posts and personal opinions/analysis on it has helped me feel a lot better. i just saw a dem politician on fox news (my dad watches it) saying basically the same thing, that hes happy he stepped down and they have a chance now. im glad to know that the stuff that ppl are sharing that has scared me are probably just blackpilled "trump is inevitable at this point" ppl ive been trying to get off my dash every time they pop up. again thank you so much for patiently explaining things so well and all the videos!!! hope u find a dollar in ur pocket today 🙂

That's awesome, I'm glad to hear I could be a little encouraging!

I would hesitate to say that everyone who's afraid about it is "blackpilled" mostly because I think a lot of folks just aren't very aware of why he chose to step down, and draw the pretty reasonable conclusion that stepping down this late in the game will mean a scramble to replace him and shift voter support to a new candidate- which could jeopardize the election for Democrats.

And I do think that's a reasonable conclusion to draw, because it's what I saw people saying about the possibility of Trump being disqualified over the criminal charges he's been facing, like, a year ago: that the best possible outcome of that would have been that he'd be disqualified too close to the election for Republicans to get any energy behind a new candidate.

The difference in context is that most of the support for Biden in this race was just support for the Democratic party; or in a lot of cases, support for anyone but Trump. The support for Trump, on the other hand, is support for Trump specifically. Trump brings a lot of voters in who wouldn't otherwise vote at all, which is, to my understanding, why so many Republicans who disagree with him still throw support behind him as a candidate.

If Trump dropped out (or was disqualified somehow), Republicans lose a lot of voters who were only showing up to elect Their Guy. Biden dropping out means that the voters who were only gonna vote for Biden because he was the Democratic nominee (which was where most of his support was coming from) will vote for whoever the next nominee is anyway, and Dems now have a chance to pick someone who will draw in more voters who weren't feeling motivated to vote for Biden, but who would be willing to vote for a Democrat that inspires a little more confidence (and there are several candidates to choose from that fit this bill!)

Which is just to say that I think it's understandable that folks just are not aware of this context, and are just using the information they do have to make what would otherwise be pretty reasonable guesses. I'm definitely surprised by how common that seems to be, just because I guess I don't notice the water I'm swimming in, but I really hope the narrative will shift as more folks get curious about what this means and start to learn/educate each other.

I hope you find five dollars!!

[system-of-a-feather]

Re-establishing Baseline Plan

Since moving, I've (completely understandably and expectedly) had my baseline kinda fucked (did not help by with financial stress + job incompatibility + ear infection + really bad post ear infection cold + probable norovirus in literally one month) and so I've been really overloaded, stressed, and just in a place of mostly survival mode where most of my energy is focused on maintaining my mental and physical state in the easiest manners possible

I have been holding up well all things considered and have set up for a probably more compatible job + my fiance has managed to get a job again that he feels will probably work out well for him and I have at least like a week off between jobs to reorientate myself

So to take a good and active effort to make the best of this time, I want to make a plan to set myself up for success. I actually do this every so often when I really need to pick myself up (historically Lucille would usually do it but pros of being basically fully integrated is that I am Lucille as well as me) and I figured it would be a neat thing to display and demonstrate here cause I'd end up making it *anyways* so why not share with the class

If anyone likes this, yall can borrow it ^^

-----

Question One: What current coping skills and hobbies am I currently doing and trying with my time? Are they affective and would I like to change them?

Art, Drawing, Character Design, Art Fight Prep, Story Planning and Writing

This is one of the easiest and most reliable positive coping mechanisms and has gotten me through the majority of the month mostly on it's own. Compared to other coping mechanisms, this one is almost always something I can drag myself to do or at least ask someone to supervise me to make sure I do it when I feel I need some sort of self care. It serves greatly as an alternative when I find that I am doing maladaptive coping that I would rather not do and when in doubt, it has access to some level of social engagement should I feel I need that. With that being said, having relied largely on this for a month, this is suffering diminishing returns and starting to lead to general lack of inspiration and so diversification from this coping mechanism would be ideal

Weekend Gym Trips

This is actually a really good way for me to release energy, give myself space and time to think, and just feel better moving and existing in my body. It also mandates time for me to listen to music and serves a meditative purpose. That said, I have only been doing this on Saturdays and only once on Sunday and I would like to expand that to be at least 3 times a week or at least more spaced out.

Reading Semi Regularly

This is a new habit and coping I picked up and its actually really good! It provides a unique sense of calm when I need it. Unfortunately I've started to drop off the past week due to general stress and illness, so I think its important to return to this. Perhaps set a general goal of "every other day" rather than every day to lessen the pressure.

Video Games

This was helpful but lately I have been not motivated to play anything and I believe its been burnt out. I think it would be good to resume this but it is currently impractical to force at the moment until overall wellness has returned.

TV with Boy

This is helpful but unforunately nothing seems to interest either of us to watch right now. (cri life is hard /lh)

Board Games with Boy

This is a new one and has actually been very nice. That said, it isn't always available and dependent on my fiance's ability to have the energy, time and interest to play them, particularly since I know he is less interested in board games than me. It is good to maintain the interest and offer, but not a coping skill to become reliant on.

Question Two: What sorts of things that I am currently not doing do I know tend to define behaviors, habits, hobbies, and interests that are done when I am out of survival mode and genuinely enjoying life?

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

Engagement in Exploration and just independent travels without individuals

Engagement and interest in occasionally reaching out to Buddhist environments

Producing art work for the story that is more developed and inspired rather than "quick" or "reference" focused - actually focusing on the creative and artistic expression rather than the practical expression

Increased social circle communication irl beyond my online bestie, fiance, and online friend group chat; reaching out to individuals and developing new irl friendships

Question Three: Which of those hobbies do I think could be the most reasonable and easy to meet sooner than later (even better if I can make steps to start that right now / today)? In what ways could I make steps to make those first changes and help set myself up for success on expanding my engagement with life beyond survival mode?

Interest in watching anything on my own, youtube, TV shows, etc

While I am not extensively motivated in any manner to watch anything in particular, I am starting to randomly get a lot of bleach related stuff on my youtube and I have been meaning to watch TYBW arc. I have been postponing it because of arbitrary "I wanna read the manga first" and just general other excuses, but realistically those are putting up barriers that I may not get to at this rate and currently I could just use something I'm somewhat interested in to give me some independent relaxing engagement. I think I can set the goal of actually watching Bleach TYBW at least an episode a day starting either today or tomorrow and see if that can bring a momentum and habit into actually being able to watch things that interest me on my own.

Engagement in Music, Particularly my Musical Instruments

I can probably actually take my violin back out. The guitar would probably be better but for whatever reason I feel that my brain thinks that would require more - for a lack of better word - work, so I think I can at least try to find time this week to at least play a little bit of my violin.

Regular Birding, Particularly with Peers + "increased social irl connection [...]"

I can reach out and text my new irl birding connections to see if they are interested; if not I can at least plan to take a birding trip later

Engagement in Buddhist Stuff

I know there is an area I've been thinking of visiting that has free english services on Tuesday, I can make plans to go there that day, particularly since my Fiance should be working for the first day then anyways.

Question Four: What are additional goals and check points that we would like to try to bring us closer to the life style that we know tends to support a thriving mental state and life satisfaction rather than one of survival?

Independent Travels

During the time I have, I can keep in mind this goal and if I have down time think of potentially interesting and alternative places to go to explore; additionally I can plan birding trips to places I have not yet checked out.

Increased Social IRL Connection

It is dependent on if my now-ex-coworker still is interested, but I can follow up and see if we want to still play board games; if not I think potential more ways to reach out will be more viable to plan once a higher level of baseline is established; potentially see if there are any in person DnD groups around that I could make a habit of going to or any martial art dojos that we can afford

More Inspired Art

I think this is something that will come with time between lessening the burn out of my current art-as-a-coping mechanism goal as well as actually engaging in more media and independent interests as to gain more inspiration.

Question Five: Summarize the Key Points and Plans Discussed in This into a Bullet Points of Take Aways

Modifying Current Coping:

Diversify and lean off of using art as a main coping mechanism; give that one a break

Attempt to go to the gym more frequently or at least space it out more throughout the week

Continue reading; lessen the ideal to every other day in case demand pressure is adversely affecting it

Keep an open interest in playing board games with fiance

Changes I Want To Make Soon:

Start watching Bleach TYBW w/ at least one episode a day

Bring out my violin and try to at least play with it for one hour this week

Reach out to new bird peers to see if they want to plan a birding trip sometime, if not then plan one independently

Make plans to go to that place on Tuesday for the open Buddhist service

Changes to Keep an Eye Out For:

Opportunities to go somewhere new randomly for no particular reason or goal in mind other than to just see whats around us

Spoons and time availability to see out places to expand our irl social circles

Inspiration for art in general

Question Six: Set for Regular Follow Ups to Check Progress

Isn't tumblr's queue / schedule function super neat for this

[fulgurbugs]

hey man you feeling ok? not to inadvertently project on you, disregard me completely if this doesn’t apply, but the post you just posted is exactly the kind of thing I said to myself when I was stuck in a depressive episode and didn’t realize it yet. are you alright?

it’s all ups and downs right now mostly. i graduated recently so ive been kind of. stuck at home and not enjoying having to live with my parents again (nothing unsafe but basically im annoyed all the time now)

job hunting makes me genuinely upset and ruins my whole day and i only recently managed to land a job with full time hours, but it’s housekeeping so it’s super tiring and draining and i’m still getting used to the change in routine, and i’m also you know. hoping to eventually find a job in my field that my degree is useful for

because of all that other shit and just general lack of motivation i have barely been drawing and when i try to draw for myself i have been kind of hating my results recently, and im just kind of hoping with some time ill get over it and start wanting to draw literally anything again because its making me a little (a lot) upset how burnt out i am

basically it’s a combination of not having the financial ability to live by myself combined with the fucking. hard shit of just doing like physical labor 40 hours a week for minimum looming over me for the foreseeable future that’s kind of fucking me up sometimes. but also like. i’m not doing so so terrible like worst place ive ever been bad (i think)

like i do at least now finally have a full time job (my old job was giving me like 17 hours max a week) which means i can start saving, and like. hehe twirls hair my wonderful partner is ofc there for me so im not like. completely emotionally isolated and i also have like. a hopeful and pretty clear picture of where i want to be in the future (moved the fuck out with them) which is keeping me from doomspiraling into feeling like i’ll be living with my parents forever lol

i dunno i feel like. a lot of my anxiety is partially also kind of state of the world stuff (fuck this stupid baka rent market) so there’s really. not much i can do immediately and personally about it except try and do my best rn lol

[necrogfie]

a piece i made under the cut + rambling abt it ＼(^^)／

version not painted + version painted

there is soo many layers of like paper + paint + hot glue on this ... i was very much not satisfied w how it was before and im still not. but i think that the best ill be able to make out of this so !

i /can/ post this here bcuz it's not good enough for my standard so i won't post it anywhere else but it's not soo awful that i don't wanna share it. also the amount of hours (~ 7 ? ) i spent on it is too big for me to not post it anywhere and throw it so ! it's ending on my tumblr :)

i don't really like the purple yarn it feel out of place but I didn't have any color that worked so went w it. i think the blue and red is neat tho.

i like the broken circle ( it's a round sticker that i cut like this + sticker a lot of pieces of paper on it ) - i think it's neat and ill probably try to incorporate stuff like this onto my future pieces !

again by far not my best work but i deem it good enough for here, i wish i could post my others pieces that are waay better alas its not possible :( but i swear im better at art than this !!

also i think it's important to note that im more of a drawing type of guy than ... collage , painting and all that ? but i want to get out of my zones of comfort so that why i start to delve into stuff like this ! ( i made 3 - 4 counting this one – pieces that are a mix of different medium so there is still a lot of room for improvement !! and that motivating )

i haven't had a lot of inspiration to do art lately so it felt great to do this - even if, again, im not satisfied w it. + it good to accept that i did stuff that is objectively bad in my opinion bcuz i won't be able to do good stuff all the time !! and i need to accept it :) so this is me training myself to accept that i can create ugly shit and that's okay!

[drustvar]

Ch. 15: Best Kept Secrets

"I’m obsessed with you Chickenscratch Rembrandts of your likeness, all this nonsense makes me think My insides cry “try thy finest” - why, then, am I at my brink?" - Will Wood and the Tapeworms

WC: 939 A/N: Another chapter that was really fun to write! Definitely doesn't have a foreboding ending at all :^) Ao3 link in reblog || full text under cut

As she ducked into the alcove, Rosie finally felt like she could breathe again. It was far from any of the Palace’s formal rooms, a tiny space close to the servant’s quarters. She felt safe there. It was as perfect a spot as she was going to get to be alone with her thoughts; even in the guest room she had been provided she felt too much like she was being watched. The alcove’s window overlooked a quiet corner of the garden, and unlike all the other windows of the Palace, it was simple and unassuming. It was one of the few things there that reminded her of home.

Rosie took a last, cautious look over her shoulder as she settled on the window seat before she fished her journal out of her bag, her fingers playing absentmindedly with the soft leather as she flipped past pages full of scrawled words and sketched likenesses. When she found a blank page she stared down at it, chewing absentmindedly on the end of her pencil. She’d never thought of herself as a poet or writer of any sort, but writing was one of the best ways she had found to straighten her thoughts out. Dumping everything out onto a page in a stream of consciousness was cathartic, and a far better alternative to punching holes in walls or running out into the forest until she was lost. She sighed and started to write:

I love him. I love him so much it hurts. Whenever we’re apart I feel like some kind of broken thing. I love him so much it feels like an illness. It feels like a hunger. I wish I could crawl under his skin and curl around his heart so we could be one. So I could always keep him safe. So we would never be apart. So I could always be there to protect him. 

She paused to look out the window. A pair of swallows had landed on the branches just outside, twittering as they gently preened one another.

Isn’t that what love is supposed to feel like? Warm and safe but maddening too? All the stories make it seem so…

She watched the birds again as she leafed back through her journal. She paused to look at some of the loose scraps she had tucked in; little drawings of Julian and sappy little poems. ‘ How very silly ,’ she thought.  ‘ If anyone else ever saw any of this I think I’d just die. ’

“Rosie?” Rosie nearly jumped out of the seat, scrambling to shove her journal back into her bag.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to startle you,” The Countess said, briefly looking worried. 

“How did you find me?” Rosie hadn’t meant for her question to sound so accusatory, or for her voice to shake.

“I,” The Countess paused, seemingly taken aback. “I only asked a few servants if they had seen where you had gone. I was told I could find you here.” 

Rosie forced a smile and a nod. ‘So nowhere is safe. Fantastic,’ she thought. “Sorry about that,” she said as she shouldered her bag. “I just get so wrapped up in uh, in this investigatin’. Lose meself, you know?”    “Yes about that, I’ve been meaning to ask about your findings.” The Countess took a step forward. Rosie took a step back. 

“Perhaps we could discuss it on the veranda, over tea?”

“Oh, uh,” Rosie could feel sweat beading on the back of her neck. The Countess was only a little bit taller than her, and yet Rosie felt like the woman towered over her. “That’s uhm, well that would be a bad time. I’m ‘sposed to have an important talk with Asra then.” “Perhaps after dinner then?” 

If she didn’t know any better, Rosie would think that The Countess wanted to spend time with her. But she was sure that couldn’t be the case, nobles were never without other motives. She felt like a mouse cornered by a cat, desperate for a way out. “I dunnae know if I’ll be back in time for dinner,” Rosie said as she took another step back. “I’ve gotta go into the forest for some very rare fungi I need for a spell I’m gonna use in the investigation.”  “I’d be happy to let you take some servants along, more eyes may make finding this fungi easier.”  

“Oh no, that’s okay!” Rosie said quickly. “This kind of mushroom has a magic property to it that makes it less visible if there are more people in the area looking for it.” That was complete bullshit, there wasn’t any kind of mushroom that could do that, at least not in Vesuvia. But she said it with such confidence that she knew The Countess believed her. 

“That sounds quite interesting. I would love to study it if you are able to gather a spare.” “I’ll do my best!” Rosie laughed as she glanced quickly over her shoulder. “Sorry, but it’s almost noon, I’ve got to be goin’, Asra’s expectin’ me!” Rosie didn’t wait for her to say anything else before she turned and hurried away down the hall. In her haste, she didn’t notice that one of the pages of her journal had come loose and was left fluttering in her wake, landing right at The Countess’ feet.  The Countess’ brow furrowed as she read the page. She glanced up, hoping to catch Rosie at the end of the hall, but the witch had vanished. She pursed her lips as she tucked the paper away in one of the pockets of her gown. There was much to think about. 

[sleepyivoryrose]

All my interests seem to fall into a curse of some kind - Bandai Namco is holding .hack// hostage, Blue Period had an awful anime adaptation (even though the live action one looks really promising, but its not my cup of tea), the GANGSTA mangaka got really sick and couldn't end the series (as far as I'm informed) and now the mangaka of the TAD manga might go to prison...i hope it's fake news, but I've seen in on tumblr and on twitter...

...on the other hand...the animal crossing rumor that next game is going to be completely in a city made its rounds and persisted for quite some time...

Hm....hm....HMMMM!!

Man, I guess it's just more motivation to keep making fanart of some sort.

At least Pokemon and Animal Crossing are thriving as always. You can't mess with the power of cute, no you don't.

---

Right now I am in a bit of a slump, creative wise...like the ocean, it seems to have it's tides. I have been submerged into the depths of it for long enough, it's time to at least try to fight back against...well, against this stagnation.

But how do I do that? I am not strong willed, or very smart, or at least disciplined in some way or another. Organizing myself is also not exactly my forte.

Maybe it's time to work on my drawing and writing techniques. More learning oriented, yknow?

Now I've got at least time, if anything else, might as well to put it to good use.

I tend to be endlessly stuck in the clutches of the neverending cycle of posts of social media.

But how else am I supposed to observe and learn? I could go outside, but my most interesting subject, people, is, well...I'm too socially awkward and not very sly to start people watching. Some might even take offense to being used as reference material. No, I can't do it.

Procastination is the greatest enemy of creative progress. Boredom in itself, on the other hand...

--

One of my favorite books dropped a line once: "Forge your blade in the fires of your wrath, that will be your strength." I'm tired of running from my feelings. I want to feel alive. And I will use those feelings, to run ever forward.

It will not be easy though. Many times I will fall to lethargy and feel hopeless and alone. But I will rise. Sooner or later, I'll get up again, and keep running.

Working with my feelings in a productive matter seems to be the best outlet for now.

Take all this frustration and anger, and produce something meaningful out of it. Confront myself with these ugly manifestations, and gain the ability to not drown in them.

It's scary. Not only because the feelings itself are creepy, but the things and people who provoke these feelings will always be there, and they will not be happy to see my true self.

They seem to forget that my illness is nothing to sneeze at. That I am plagued with thoughts and feelings I wished I could bury ten feet under. Contradictory thoughts and feelings, that slowly convince me that this ugly beast that lurks inside me is the real me.

These are difficult times. And if my old me could at least one thing well, is survive a crisis, acting when everyone is frozen in fear.

Keeping a cool head, even if things seem chaotic and scary at first.

And that's what I will do now. I will strive to be the version of myself I want to be. Even if nobody understands me, or hates me. It's always been like that anyways. I just need to get strong again.

---

But to end this entry in a less intense note...

Last days were rainy like crazy. That makes me happy, the temperature is nice, if, of course, humid, but I got almost used to listening to the rain while falling asleep. It's better than the almost absolute silence there is sometimes. On the weekends, just like this, do happen to be a lot of party people walking by, singing or screaming, completely wasted. It's comforting, as long as you are in the safe haven of your room.

--

Okay, I think that's it for today!

[hand-stuck-in-shredder]

the angst is KILLING ME up in here HELP ugh

warning this be long

lavender, man... i havent thought about Dhuurg in a while (i named my durge and didnt.. anticipate him growing on me. u dont just namechange a child at 25 thats not how that works) cause. Durgetash. but, man. i suddenly cant move onto what im actively working on/am supposed to be finishing because this shit keeps worming its way into my brain. lavender isnt even supposed to be his "canon" but i jsut think itworks so Well for him. he has puppy eyes and i need him to struggle and be anguished

i dont think id end up writing about how he Actually ends up but.. he tries to start up a new cult, become a proper god, you know. Average Tuesday shit. lots less angst of how to learn to live with yourself after getting fragmented (spoiler alert: u cant) and missing something without knowing What youre missing n Why. the body/being remembers the mind forget et cetera.. i dont think lavender would be particularly durgetash centric, i think itd be more of a solo-piece with it being more in the background, but.. still, itd be a motivator enough for him to lose his shit when doordash dies. like what do you MEAN someone so important to me vanished just like that and i couldnt do a damn thing about it?!? even if withers (note: havent finished a durge run yet and havent been 100% spoiled. let me cook) made sure u no longer got dat Bhaal in u, for dhuurg i think it kinda just went dormant until well. that. he had a fine and dandy week of being himself until oops! tragedy! ur living with a demon again yay except this time its just murderous for the sake of habit/grieving and less because of Bhaal. youre literally just like that. you are actually an evil person. good luck coping because unless u get off the bathsalts ur not gonna be able to have an iota of a sense of "self" because surprise, u and your pal are now more integrated than before and there is no seperation anymore, your tadpole is also gone and things are So much worse because of Everything. the lavender doesnt just supress the urges it supresses U now. sedation? somewhat. you live in a beautiful field of lavender out of fear for yourself and what you are. you are softlocked, is this not for the best? there are no horizons left for you, the sun has set and the stars mock you with their long-gone light.

on the lowkey.. it occurred to me that this might be slightly reminiscent of mental illness that's somewhat stigmatized and im ngl while i dont think this concept is the same as that/taking inspiration from something that really real people suffer from, i am being cautious to kinda avoid those themes and trying to be aware of what exactly im goin for. this is more a, two snapshots of two technically seperate people fight for ownership of the body that may or may not be really theirs, with different motives, its.. idk but dhuurg cannot catch a break.

i needa learn how to draw so i can draw dhuurg being cunty and sucking gort within a negative inch of his life. he deserves something good after this ok

[mouse-on-venus]

Officially finished 10 chapters of my Undertale AU!

[shirecorn]

how about 17 and 24? what inspires you and how do you deal with art block?

Long post warning.

Art block...

I don't actually get art block, which is probably a combination of neurodivergence and drawing every day for the last 3 years

I wrote an entire tutorial about how to do that, but didn't feel like illustrating it. Would people want to read it even without visuals?

Maybe... I'll just start rambling.

There's a couple different types of art block, and it's really just a philosophy puzzle to get past them. I'm going to assume that the things I think of slow days, or art mud, is a milder form of art block and work through that.

Art block is a symptom, not a disease. You probably have something deep inside that you don't want to face, or don't know how. Sometimes you need to discover the cause, sometimes just power through.

Method 1: Rest

Let yourself just Exist. The act of consuming art is part of the process. Watching shows and playing games, taking a break and going gardening or focus on school. This is what you need for burnout-induced art block.

Method 2: Action

I always choose action, sometimes it means a tiny 2 min sketch per day. Ugly or super simplified. As long as I don't stop moving.

Toss everything. Start every piece thinking you will throw it away.

The act of drawing moves you forward; pinning it to the fridge does not. Don't work things until they are perfect. Work them until they are there.

Art block causes and solutions:

- No Inspiration

Not sure what to draw, nothing seems appealing. Art won't come out like it used to.

Do studies from life or photos. Sketch, paint, digital, traditional, doesn't matter. Rocks, fruit, figure drawing, landscapes, buildings, anything.

Study and copy professional's work. Old masters are best, like rubens, michalangelo (only his men tho) etc because they will teach you anatomy while you work. If you copy someone with a lot of flaws, you will repeat those flaws.

Trace to learn, not to earn. Trace photography and art from anyone you want. Don't post it unless you have the artist's permission or they are dead, whichever comes first. This is strictly work for yourself, on yourself. It's not about the finished drawing.

Find an artist with a fun style and try converting stuff into their style. Don't make that your new style though and especially don't start selling it. Your style is a chimera of everyone you love, not a clone of one person.

Take blurry photos. You don't need a fancy camera or good skills or beautiful subjects. Doing studies from your own photos can spark life into your workflow.

Make challenges for yourself. Randomly generate things to combine. Try fusing characters! Don't try to make it look good, just be fun.

Doodle patterns, swirls, lines, random stuff. Try looking up art warmups and doing some of those.

- Everything Sucks

You finally see how bad you are. Or somehow you got worse. Every piece is a fight and you spend hours trying to get something right only for it to be stiff and disgusting and STILL wrong.

Why are you trying to draw good? It's enough just to draw.

Accept that your art is bad. Every artist can see flaws in their work. Your problem is that those flaws outweigh anything remotely worthwhile and hurt to look at.

So what? You're in a period of growth, not a period of production. Keep that wonky second eye. Let them have hot dog fingers.

Show everyone! Show no one! No piece of art can ever be a reflection of the artist. Not their worth, not their skill. The only thing your art says about you is "Held and moved a pen for a bit."

Make bad art. It's ok. Most of the time, the pressure to perform and get things Right is what made them wrong in the first place. Relax.

- No Motivation

The #1 killer of artists everywhere. On some level you think you should draw, on every other level you think you should stay in bed.

You are not lazy. You wouldn't have read this far in a post about art block if you were lazy. You wouldn't CALL it art block if you were lazy. Laziness is wishing you didn't have to do anything. A block is wishing you were doing something. If you think you can namecall Yourself into productivity again, you're wrong and You need to unionize so that you don't treat You like that anymore.

Consider Mental Illness. Losing interest in something that brought you joy can be a symptom of depression. I know it seems obvious, but if you're waiting for a sign that it's "bad enough," it's bad enough. Seek care if you have the means. Forgive yourself if you already know this.

Selfcare. Examine yourself for neglect. Nutrition, exercise, enrichment, social need, and sleep are all part of the art process. Eat three meals and sleep 8 hours. That's your gaymer fuel. You deserve it, I promise. Depriving yourself of your needs will make your blocks worse, not kick you into making them better.

Identify potholes. Sketchbook falling apart? Tablet cord frayed? Half your pencils missing? Chair uncomfortable? Desk hard to reach? There's a lot of things that you tell yourself to work around and get over. Just because you CAN workaround something, doesn't mean you SHOULD. A difficult work environment can cause secret dread deep inside that you don't recognize and just think you're lazy. What you think of as "no motivation" might actually be "I don't want to deal with my tablet disconnecting every time I move it wrong and I have to wiggle it for a few seconds to make it work again." These little things are like potholes in the road. Sure you CAN still drive through them, but eventually you're going to look up and realize you haven't voluntarily left the house in weeks.

Repair potholes and roadblocks. You might feel bad about buying a new pencil, headphones, tablet, car, etc because technically the old one works if you hustle. But if you're running into so many potholes you've ground to a halt, it doesn't Actually work anymore, does it? Invest, save up, request, and require working equipment and suitable conditions. This stuff isn't just cushy privilege, it's an investment in yourself and your art. You are worth the effort it takes to clear the way. If you can't afford reliable (reliable! not perfect or luxurious) equipment, then say it. If cardboard is all you can afford, draw on cardboard. But know that you deserve canvas, and one day you might be able to make the jump. Acknowledge that sometimes, if you don't have it in you to smear burned twigs on wet cardboard, the problem isn't motivation, but opportunity.

- Haven't Drawn in So Long

A unique type of art block that self perpetuates. The thought of starting again is so stressful you can't do it. Or maybe you'll do it tomorrow. Yeah. Tomorrow for sure.

Face your fears. Are you ashamed of your lack of drawing? Are you anthropomorphizing your paper and thinking it's going to judge you, like "oh NOW you come back >:/" I internalize voices I hear and project them onto other people, concepts, locations, and inanimate objects. Your paper, computer, WIPs folder.... none of that is judging you.

Reframe your WIPs. Do you feel shame when you see "unfinished" projects? Why? Who says you MUST bring everything you start to Finish? You don't have to. A sketch is a finished art piece; it's called a sketch! If a sketch is a fully realized creation, pages that are half colored, 75% lined, or partially rendered are all fully realized creations too. Unless paid otherwise, art is done when you're done working on it.

Lower the stakes. Draw a chibi or grab some crayons. Get messy and slowly ease yourself back into the flow over the course of a couple days. It's fine.

Get a buddy! Find an art meme, do an art trade, get a study subject, or just wing it. Drawing art alongside someone can help you get past that block.

Pretend you never stopped. Don't think about the gap, how long it's been, or rustiness. As far as anyone knows, you drew the mona lisa yesterday and didn't break a sweat. Today, you drew a starfish on your hand with a gel pen. Keep up that streak, good job!

Just keep drawing. Make a goal to do one sucky drawing per day on the back of a napkin. Don't make up for missed days, just pretend they didn't happen. Who's going to judge you? The calendar? That's pieces of paper; it doesn't have an opinion. Draw a cat on it. Done. Keeping up the momentum is a great way to prevent art blocks in the future.

TLDR: Draw imperfectly and toss it. Selfcare is king. Draw often and don't judge yourself.

Art is a process, not a product.

[honeybunnybeez]

If you want to you could write some C! Dream being soft around reader?

Secluded Cabin's and Gentle Touches

♡Pairing: Dream x GN!Reader (with hints of platonic!GN!reader x Tommy and Tubbo)

♡Genre: Fluff

♡Format: Fanfiction

♡Summary: It's not uncommon for Tommy and Tubbo to bring people over to your place so you can help calm them down after a prank, but today they seemed to drag by a familiar face that you have yet to properly spend time with. Lucky for you, he seems to be longing to talk to you as well.

♡Au Setting: Au where the war never happens but tensions are still high.

"Get back here!"

Despite the voice ordering them to stop, Tommy and Tubbo continued to run like their lives depended on it, and to be fair, it kinda did in this situation. Wet hands stained in different coloured dyes served as proof of their crimes and a green hooded man wearing an awfully smudged looking mask makes it clear who their latest prank victim was.

"What were we fucking thinking!?" but a laugh at the end of his yelling as he dodges Dream's outstretched hand makes it clear that Tommy doesn't regret his life choices at all.

"I don't know!" Tubbo on the otherhand, was starting to regret his involvement in the prank. His legs were starting to ache and his chest began to burn as he slowly became exhausted. A wild chase like this isn't exactly new to them but Dream's persistence really makes it hard for a person to catch a breather between runs. "Tommy, where are we even going!?"

Tommy opened his mouth to respond but a trail of scattered lanterns and torches answers Tubbo's question for him. Tubbo lets out a knowing, "ooooh!" And uses whatever remaining energy he can to keep up with Tommy, knowing exactly what his friend had in mind.

In the distance, they can see you sitting on your porch, playing with a parrot you had managed to tame while out searching for cocoa beans. Relief washes over them when you lock eyes with them and start jogging over with your bird in tow, a worried expression evident on your face.

They're quick to hide behind you when they get close enough, clutching the back of your shirt while trying to catch their breaths to answer your questions as to who they were running from this time and why.

"Dream-" is all Tommy can manage to wheeze out before he's coughing up a lung and swearing again.

"Ah," honestly, after knowing the pair for a good few years now, just mentioning a name gives you a pretty good idea of the type of prank they pulled and the danger they could be in. Thankfully, Dream wasn't a major threat, to you at least.

"Alright, alright, go hide in the house quickly and don't come out until I tell you guys to. If I die, make sure to take care of the farm animals and bees for me."

"Bless you, (y/n)."

"Your sacrifices won't be in vain, we promise!"

You give them a joking salute and urge them to go inside quickly, informing them that you can hear Dream approaching closer. Once the boys were safely inside, you tried your best to look as natural as possible with the limited time you had to adjust yourself. When Dream arrives, you can see that he's just as tired as the boys are thanks to the chase, though his stance continues to be tense as he frantically looks around for them, fists clenched tight until his knuckles turned ghost white.

"Fuck, where did they run off to?"

"Not gonna give a stranger a kind hello after walking onto their lawn with murderous intent?" You and Dream weren't really strangers per say, you had to meet up with him when you moved into the server after all, but due to conflicting schedules and how often Tommy and Tubbo dragged you away whenever he tried to make conversation, you two didn't know each other all that well. That doesn't mean that you didn't want to try though.

When Dream realizes where he was and who he was talking, he's quick to adjust his mask and hoodie to make himself look somewhat... presentable, as presentable as he can look with sweat marks and a messed up mask at least.

'Why did those two have to run up to your house out of all places,' Dream mentally whines to himself, clearing his throat and giving you a single awkward wave as he walks up to you.

"Hey, (y/n). I didn't know you lived in this part of the server," that was a lie. Dream did know where you live, he knew where everyone did but it would be a little creepy to just put that information out there, wouldn't it?

"It'd be a little weird if I just started screaming out my address to random people on the streets, wouldn't it?" You try to joke, earning a little laugh from Dream.

"Okay, yeah, you got me there."

You pat an empty spot beside you on your porch step, inviting Dream over for a bit of rest and he accepts your offer gratefully, practically slumping beside you as he suddenly feels just how tired he is.

"Love the new look you gave your mask by the way," Dream groans at your teasing and pulls at his hoodie strings, hoping to cover his whole mask with his hood. He's glad you can't see his face right now because he can feel his cheeks practically burning at the fact that when he finally gets a chance to talk and get close to you it's when he's a sweating tired mess who looks like a wreck at best.

"I'm going to kill those two when I find them," he mumbles under his breath.

The slam that follows within your home could not have been more terribly timed.

"What was that?"

"Must be my wolves," you lied through your teeth, knowing damn well that your actual wolves were sleeping in your bedroom, "they learned how to open doors recently, I think they're messing around at the moment."

While he's distracted, staring at your window to check what's going on inside of your home, you're quick to read through your most recent private messages on your communicator.

Tommy: HE'S HERE!

Tommy: (Y/N), WHY AREN'T YOU TELLING HIM TO FUCK OFF!?

Tommy: Fuck this, we're hiding in the kitchen.

Tubbo: We're making a run for it through the back.

Tommy: We'll hide in your barn like runaway children.

Tubbo: Isn't that what we technically are right now?

Tommy: (y/n), we're making a fucking run for it if you don't answer us in 3 seconds.

Tommy: 3!

Tommy: 2!

Tubbo: We'RE OUT! I REPEAT, WE'RE OUT!

"Yup," you pop your P a little at the end, annoyed yet amused at the string of frantic messages still continuing to pop up on your communicator as they make their escape, "definitely my wolves causing all of that chaos."

Dream knows that you're lying from the way you read through your messages but he doesn't say a word about it, choosing instead to take this golden opportunity to get closer to you without worrying about anyone getting in the way.

"Not really how you thought the day would go, huh?"

You can't help but laugh and shake your head, "Not at all, I thought it was just going to be another boring day with my bird, but hey, I'm glad you showed up to make it a little more special."

"Really?" Dream hates how happy he sounds to hear you say that, but he'll beat himself up over it another time.

"It's not everyday you see Mr. WasTaken himself visiting your humble home, now is it?" Oh, or maybe he won't.

"I guess not, that really should change, shouldn't it?" You can hear the little grin in his voice as he realizes the game your playing.

"It really should, but a quick heads up would be good, unless you'd like to deal with said 'wolves' I mentioned earlier."

He chuckles and shakes his head, mentioning how he's more than aware that those two 'wolves' of yours would probably rip him apart if he ever visited you unannounced.

It isn't long before you invite Dream inside, offering to help clean his mask as an apology on the boys's behalf. He claims that he doesn't mind but he would rather not take his mask off in front of you when he hasn't gotten to know you all that well.

"You don't have to remove it if you feel uncomfortable, I'll just wipe away whatever I can with a cloth, but if you're still hesitant, I'd understand."

He takes a moment to consider your offer, trying to see if you have any other ulterior motives. It's not that he doesn't want to trust you, he does, but sometimes you just have to be a little extra cautious even with people you like. Sensing no ill intent on your part though, he relaxes himself once more and accepts your help, letting his hood finally loosen and fall back to ease your process.

Your actions are incredibly comforting to Dream who can't help himself from leaning into your touches every once in a while. He watches you with his fullest attention as you wipe away the mess on his mask with a damp cloth. He loves how focused you look while doing so, taking in every little quirk you may have while you concentrate. His little crush on you that he's harboured ever since he saw you running around the server can't help but grow every second you give him your attention.

There's a certain draw to you that Dream can't fight off no matter how hard he tries, you just manage to hold a certain power over him and that was evident by the fact that he completely lost interest in continuing his hunt for Tommy and Tubbo even after finding out that they were still most likely on your property. Dream was a persistent man, he was never one to simply drop something with no proper reason at all. There was just this appeal to you that he couldn't describe and he was desperate to find out what it was about you that made him act differently than he normally would.

"Okay then, that's the last of it," he has to stop himself from letting out a whine when you pull your hands away from his mask, he wants to say something to try to get you to continue on longer but decides against it, not wanting to seem desperate. His eyes don't leave you even after you pull away, watching you rinse off the dirty cloth before throwing it into what seemed to be a bin filled with laundry. When you return to sit by his side, he can't help but swallow a bit of his pride to rest his head on your shoulder. It's a big risk to take, but at least he has an excuse for his actions if he ever needs it.

"Tired, Dream?"

"Mhmm," he feels himself melt when you let your fingers run through his slightly sweat damp hair, clearly unphased by the state of it much, to his joy.

"You wanna rest here for a while? I'm sure you could get a good nap in before leaving."

"That depends, can I still use you as my pillow?"

"Not like I have anything else to do for the rest of the day, knock yourself out."

"Then if you'll excuse me," his head is quick to leave your shoulder to instead rest in your lap and the blissful sigh he lets out escapes his lips before he can even stop himself. You just feel so comfortable to him. "I'm gonna drift off, wake me up in an hour or so, will you?"

You let out a hum in response and it isn't long before you start to see Dream's body go slack, his breathing now steady and deep as he slowly falls asleep. It's quite endearing seeing Dream act so affectionately towards you, something you certainly didn't expect from a guy who carries himself with a subtle wave of authority, but you definitely weren't complaining as you continued to play with his hair once again.

Dream would never tell a single soul about it, but this was quiet possible the best sleep he's gotten in years, if he even tried to sleep at all to begin with. The thought to just slow down and relax is never really on his mind, his head always spinning with things he has to do. However, with you, he's glad to know that he can look to you for comfort from now on, something he now realizes is rather hard to find on the server. It pains him to know that he'll have to leave in just a few moments but for now, he'll take what he can get from you and maybe, if you let him, he'll be sure to return your sweet gestures tenfold one day.

A/N: Hello, everyone! I am so sorry for being absent recently, I know the writer's block excuse can only go so far but- yeah ^^' I'm so sorry again for everything and I'm sorry if this isn't what you were hoping for anon! Thank you so much for the rquest and feel free to request it again if you want me to remake this to hopefully suit what you wanted. Anyways, I hope you all have a good day and thank you so much for reading!

(Requests are open and anon is on!)

[kylorens]

hehe i turned off all instant notifications for twt on my phone and wont look at it for a couple of days until i get the ignition to share art again there. Already scheduled posts on IG until february so im relaxed. actually i was going to start this break yesterday but i wanted to share my l/o stuff lmao

thing is. besides the weirdos on twt, ive been having issues with my coloring and just honestly am very disheartened by it lately - ive talked abt it on twt and i couldn't even finish a horny kiryu drawing bc of this. THE HORROR!!!😂 a mutual agreed to collab with me and they colored it SO GORGEOUSLY its insane!!

anyway so i thought i would stop starting another wip and instead could focus on my 2nd l/o comic project, since it doesnt require me coloring. but then i remembered my second enemy, SHADING. I tried to mimic my fav manga shading styles but i failed so npw im completely torn apart 🚶‍♂️🚶‍♂️

so. in final: i think its best for me to stop drawing for a while. idk if this is burnout, art block or whatever im just so annoyed by everything. i still have and get even more ideas which is sad bc i lack the motivation 😓

i think ill just focus on finishing yakuza 5, im still on haruka's part day 2 of princess league. im getting tired of this game ngl 😶 i think its the completionist in me trying to finish everything before i progress the story that is keeping me from continuing on lol 😅

istg the mg fandom makes me want to stop sharing my art most of the time

[imnothingbutpoetry]

Happy Tears

Howdy people!

How are you? I hope that you are all fine and healthy during these times.

Today I have to show you some cute drabbles of our best boys in Haikyuu!! in a quite peculiar situation.

(I got a little carried away with these drabbles. This was going to be shorter, but, you know me - you really don’t -)

Please enjoy this writing, and constructive comments are always appreciated!

Once said this, let’s get into it!

--------------------------------------------------

Pairings -> gn!reader x Bokuto Kōtarō / Tendō Satori / Yamaguchi Tadashi / Lev Haiba (separately)

Warnings -> Fluff and happy tears

Synopsis -> People always associate tears and cries with sadness, grief, and worry. But how would some of our boys react to a s/o who starts crying from happiness?

Words-> 4667

--------------------------------------------------

Bokuto Kōtarō

Bokuto Kōtarō is a ball of fluffiness that needs constant affection, praise, and cuddles. If he doesn’t have that, he will fall into a pit of “emo feelings”, becoming his depressed self.

For this reason, all of his past partners never lasted long enough to finally get to know the boy: he was too much to handle for people who only wanted him for his looks and popularity, leaving Akaashi to look after him and take him out of his sad seasons.

Or at least, that was until he encountered you. You were someone who was willing to pamper him through his gloomy days and encourage him to be his best version, looking behind his pretty face and the popular agenda he was used to relating to. For this reason, he vowed to care for you and make you the happiest person to ever step on the earth.

Your duty as Bokuto Kōtarō’s partner was quite easy: give him cuddles, love, and baked goods, and he will be putty in your hands, as well as the happiest boy on the earth. Being his partner was a hard job that you were delighted to have, because, in return, the lover boy made you the happiest person on this planet, giving you lots and lots of love and kisses.

For this reason, you couldn’t understand how his anterior partners couldn’t keep up with the boy. You could tell that Bokuto was the sweetest person you ever met, and he was the most beautiful human, on the inside and outside, that stole your heart and protected it with all his care.

Because of this, when you overheard some of Bokuto’s classmates talking bad about your partner, you lost all your sense of rationality and went there to kick some asses.

“Who do you think you are, talking like that about a guy who is better than you in every aspect?” You stomped towards the two guys, who stopped talking at your abrupt appearance.

Looking at you up and down, one of them continued talking. “And who are you to interrupt us?” Laughing, both of the guys shared another look. Bitches.

“If you didn’t know, I’m Bokuto’s partner by the way.” At this, both of them paled a little bit. There may be some “rumors” about the volleyball captain's partner slapping someone because they were making fun of their boyfriend’s emo-mood. Yeah, “just” rumors… Well, continuing where we were. “So if you have anything bad to say, you can put your opinions up your a-”

When you were finishing the sentence, a hand on your shoulder silenced it. Turning your head, you saw Bokuto standing next to you. His presence alone was sufficient to make the boys storm off, leaving you and your boyfriend alone.

“Hey babe.” Bokuto said gloomily. That’s when you knew that he also heard what those two guys were saying earlier.

“Bokuto!” Hugging him, you started speaking again. “Baby you don’t have to listen to anything that these boys tell about you. You know how amazing you are and how beautiful and precious you are, and how you do everything from the heart, and how yo-”

“Y/n, it doesn’t matter, really.” Bokuto undid the hug you both were sharing, and you could see behind his eyes. He was affected.

“No Bo you don’t understand, you can let them talk bad about you, you can’t-” At this point you were speed-talking, and a glimpse of tears could be seen in your gaze.

“Y/N!” Bokuto shouted when he saw that tears started falling from your eyes. “Baby, babe, pup, what happened?” Whipping the crystal tears from your cheeks, Bokuto started caressing your face and neck.

“It’s just that-” Sniffling, you launched yourself at Bokuto, who caught you between his chest and arms, with one of them in your back, and the other gripping your thigh.

“Come on pup, what happened?” Rubbing your back and giving you a little peck on the cheek, your boyfriend tried to draw out the motive of your intense crying. “Are you ill? Do you need me to take you to the nurse's office?”

“No Bo.” Trying to recompose yourself so you could speak, you gave the bicolored-haired boy a soft look, which was even softer by the redness of your face. “It’s just…” Breathing in, you explained to him what was bothering you, and why you seemed so upset with those people before. “It’s just that I can’t stand people making fun of you. You are a beautiful person who always makes other people your top priority. Why does it matter if you need more cuddles than other people? I will always be here to take care of you, because I know that you will be here to take care of me. We are a couple, and my duty as your partner is to make you happy and content. My duty is to make you feel loved.”

With this little speech, Bokuto was the one that started tearing up. Then, it was his turn to speak. “That’s why you are crying? Because some other people made me upset?”

“That’s not exactly the reason.” Smiling through your tears, you gave the captain one of the brightest smiles he had ever seen from you. “I am crying because I am so happy that you are my lover, Bo. I’m crying because I never had someone like you before, and seeing other people make fun of you made me realize that I want to protect you and make you feel the one and only in this world. Baby, I am crying because I love you so much that I didn't know how to express it, Bo. Because I love you, and I will always love you.”

When you said this, none of you said anything during what seemed an eternity. You started thinking that maybe you went a little overboard with what you have said, so you started trying to climb down his strong arms. That’s when Bokuto reareacted, and gripping you tighter, he talked again.

“I love you so much, y/n. I think you broke me because I don’t know what to say, and the only thing that comes to my mind is that I love you so, so much. Baby, I love you!” While your boyfriend was saying this, he also started crying, tearing his eyes up with salty tears, while he hid his face on your neck.

This nearly broke you too, as your love for the boy seemed to increase with his sentence. What happened next, it’s something that both of you will remember as the happiest peak of your relationship, and the moment when you realized that you were a perfect match. For this reason, you couldn’t think of anything better than to shout “I love you’s” with your boyfriend.

“BO I LOVE YOU!”

“Y/N!”

“BOKUTO!”

While you were shouting each other’s names while crying and hugging with an incredible force, you didn’t notice a certain black-haired guy who was watching you from afar. The guy’s name was Akaashi, and upon seeing the scene in front of him, he let out a long sigh. Today, he wasn’t only left to take care of a sad burrito, but of two lovers who couldn’t stop crying and bawling their eyes out. Today Akaashi was going to be a nanny, but for his two friends, he would go to the end of the world and back so they could stay safe and sound and cry without anyone getting in their way.

Tendō Satori

My my, this boy is an interesting one, and I think that he doesn’t have the recognition that he deserves.

Contrary to popular belief, I firmly believe that Tendō isn’t a yandere who will take pride in hurting you. So please stop making him like this, it isn’t his personality.

Said this, in my opinion Tendō is someone who will make “his paradise”, his pet name for you, the happiest person on earth, taking them to weird and unusual dates, but ensuring that his partner always has a smile on their face. So imagine his bewilderment when you start randomly crying on your date to the zoo.

“Come on my paradise, or we will be late to see the birds.”

“Tendō, we are running towards the zoo, we can’t possibly be late when they open in an hour!”

This conversation is the one that you have with your boyfriend Tendō Satori, while you both are running towards the zoo because he decided that today he wanted to see wild animals when in the first place, you were going to have a movie date in your house.

“What happened to Ten-Ten, my love?” The red-head then stops running, causing you to crash against his back. Thank god that he had your hand in a firm grip, because if it wasn’t, well, then you would have crashed against the cold hard floor.

“I would have called you Ten-Ten if we were walking, you know I don’t play volleyball like you!”

“And? A little adventure it’s good for everyone.”

You look into each other's eyes, and then you both start laughing with stars in your sight.

“Okay, you got me there Ten, but can we stop for a minute or two?” Running out of breath you push Tendō towards a bank in a small square, where your boyfriend sits down and pushes you on his lap. “We still have time, you know?” Caressing his face, you both kiss. When he breaks it, he starts talking again.

“I know, but, I just wanted to see the birds with you.” Putting his head on your shoulder, he lets himself relax a little bit.

“Ten-Ten, you may be able to fool your enemies in the court, but you know you can’t lie to your partner.” Tendō raises his head and looks directly into your eyes, as if trying to decipher the meaning behind those words.

“What do you mean?”

“I mean that I know you, babe.” As you talk, you let your hand play with his own, tracing his bandaged fingers and giving each one little kisses as you continue with your explanation. “I know the look in your eyes when you are lying to me. Maybe in the court this gaze is transformed into something indestructible, but with me, you know that I can understand each one of your glances.”

Tendō hugged your waist and gave a tiny kiss to your neck and shoulder. He always does this when he is nervous or excited about something.

“Well…” He starts talking while his eyes wander far from your form. “Maybe it’s not the birds what I want to see.”

“Then what do you want to visit, Ten? Do you want to return to my house and watch the new movie that you wanted to see with me?”

“No!” Exalted, he nearly shouted the word to you. Then, when he was a little calmer, he continued with his rambling. “What I really want to see is your smile.”

With his statement you turned your head towards his, and this time it was your turn to put your head on his shoulder. Giving him a tiny smile, you asked him with curiosity. “What does that mean, Tendō? You always see my smile when I’m with you.”

“Yeah, I know, it’s just that…” Your boyfriend stopped talking and you gave him an encouraging kiss on his head. Then, he continued. “You always make things for me, and do whatever I want, so I wanted to return you the favor.” Tendō grabbed your hand and interlocked your fingers with his bandaged ones. “At the zoo for today they will put this new section with a petting zoo of sheep and llamas and alpacas, and I know how much you love these animals, so I thought I could bring you there to see your smile while petting them. You always have this sappy smile when you talk about how you would like to pet an alpaca, so I thought it would be a great idea. I was just thrilled to see you happy, so I wanted to get there as early as possible.”

“Tendō…” Saying his name with a whispering voice, you were suddenly overwhelmed with all this love. You were on the verge of crying, and your boyfriend took notice of this too.

“The idea was that horrible? You look like you're about to cry.” Putting his hand on your cheek, he continued. “Do you still want to go to the zoo? We can just get some ice cream in the park next to your house.”

With this final sentence, abruptly all hell broke loose and you started bawling and tearing your eyes out.

“Babe?! Y/n why are you crying? We don’t need to go to the zoo if you don’t want, we can-”

“No no, it’s not because of the zoo.” Sniffling, you started explaining the motives of your crying. “It’s just because I’m so happy Ten-Ten.”

Tendō looked at you weirdly, but still with worried and loving eyes. “Are you crying because you are happy?”

“I know it’s weird but, it’s just,” Making a pause to recompose yourself, you finally looked straight into his eyes. “I am so happy right now with you. Nobody ever cared that much for me, nobody loved me as you do, and I certainly never have loved someone as much as I love you.”

You grabbed his hands, and you looked into his eyes as if it was the first time that you did so. “Tendō, I love you so much. So, so much. And you remember everything that I say, and you make me so happy. Yes, I want to go to the petting area of the zoo with you. I would like it so much.”

At this, your boyfriend got your face between his hands and gave you a little smooch. “My paradise, look at me. The shine of my eyes it’s because of you, because of how happy you make me. I would do anything for you. But babe, you don’t need to cry of happiness. In that case, you should only laugh. I want you to laugh every day, okay?” Giving you another kiss, he pushed you carefully off his lap and stood up with you.

“Now, my paradise, do you want to go to the zoo, or do you prefer crying a little bit more about how much do you love me?”

Giving him a tiny shoulder punch, you grabbed his hand and started running with him again towards the zoo. Even though you cried this day, you can surely tell that it was the best day of your life.

Yamaguchi Tadashi

Yamaguchi has always been at your side.

Being childhood friends alongside Tsukishima, you found yourself falling in love with the freckled boy a little bit more every day, while having to listen to the nasty side remarks the blond boy threw at your side.

However, your friendship ended the day you decided to confess to Yamaguchi, having a tearful final full of surprises.

With the final ring of the school bell, classes finally ended and students were able to leave the school behind. Some people left towards an upcoming weekend full of adventures, and, some other people, left for a full weekend of homework. Thankfully, you were one of the lucky students who didn’t get any schoolwork, having done all your exams and having got good grades.

However, all the calmness that you could get by having a free-work weekend it’s replaced by the nervous feeling of having to confess to your childhood friend, whom you have asked if you could meet tomorrow morning.

“Why am I doing this?” You thought, “Oh right, because Tsukishima said that if I didn’t confess this weekend, he would do it for me” and believe me, it’s better if he doesn’t confess your feelings for you. He can be quite, hum, sarcastic and horrible when he wants to.

While you were lost in your thoughts, a usually nervous boy approached you with a sappy smile on his face. Can you guess who it is?

“Y/n, wait for me!” At this, you jumped a little bit and stopped walking towards the school gates. Turning your head to the voice, you encountered the love of your li-, your childhood friend.

“Yams, what are you doing here? You scared me, didn't you have practice?” Exalted you exclaimed.

“Well, we have a little break. I just wanted to confirm if tomorrow you still can meet me at the park.”

Sweating (when did you start sweating?), you answered. “Of course Yams, I will be there, you know I invited you in the first place.”

“Yeah, I know.” Yamaguchi started rubbing his neck with his right hand, and you swear that one day you are going to die of his cuteness. “And another thing before you leave, Tsukki is coming too.”

NO, No, no, no, “W-what?” if you thought you were sweating before, you haven’t seen yourself now. “Why is Tsukishima coming?”

“Well, he asked if he could come too because he said that he doesn’t want to miss something that would make him laugh a lot. I haven’t understood that part.”

That bitch. “Okay, don’t worry, we will still be together, so no problem. See you tomorrow, Yams.” I swear I can hear his stupid laugh.

“See you tomorrow y/n!” Now running towards the gym door, the boy disappeared, and you know that you never had this enormous urge of killing blondes before.

Tomorrow came earlier than expected, and you found yourself walking towards the park in slow motion. Little steps without confidence were the ones that you gave until you stopped at the large gates of the park.

“You can do this y/n, just ignore Tsukishima.” Repeating this like a mantra in your head, you advanced towards your special spot in the park, a little spot full of flowers and two swings. You always go there with Yams, and every time you end up with flower crowns made by the freckled friend.

“Look who's here already, our little shy friend y/n.” That bitch already. At least I know I have arrived in time for our meeting.

“Tsukishima.” Giving him your nastiest glare, you turn towards Yamaguchi, who is swinging in the wooden plaything. “Hello Yams! How are you?”

“It’s nice knowing that you care for me”

“Shut up Tsukishima, and go away.” Looking at him, you know that he won’t go away that easily. “Oh please lord Tsukishima, go away.” The disgusting things that I have to do for him to leave.

“Well if you insist, I’ll be right there.” And he only steps aside to the tree next to the swings. Well, this has to do.

“What's the matter, y/n?” Yams stands up and touches your arm. “Are you okay?”

Y/n please don’t mess this up. Please please don’t mess this up. Please don’t be nervous, you can do it, please-

“I LIKE YOU!”

…

“W-What?”

Congratulations y/n, you messed up. You really really messed up. And on top of it all, the blonde bitch is nearly falling from laughter. You have to solve this now.

“Okay Yams, I know that this isn’t how I should have confessed but… I really like you, since forever. You are always by my side, and you are what makes my world spin. I know that you don’t feel the same, but I-”

“I like you too, y/n.”

“What?” You look at him, and you feel like crying.

“I also like you… I have been liking you for a long time really, and, wait, are you crying?”

At this point, the pressure finally settled down, and you started sniffling, with tears running down your cheeks.

“I’m sorry Yams, I’m just, so so so happy-” Stopping to clean your face with your sleeve, you continued crying even more. “to be with you.”

“Come on, please don’t cry!” At this, Yamaguchi gives you a bear hug, and you can’t be happier.

“These are happy tears, Yams. I’m just so happy that you also like me!” And more and more tears.

“Well, then you are going to cry some more, because I’m going to be with you from now on.”

Hugging him even more, you nearly tackled him to the floor, and cried even more.

“I love you Yams!” At this, it was Yamaguchi who started crying of happiness, and the people at the park wondered why two teenagers were desperately bawling their eyes out, while looking at you with pity and some disgust.

“You both look ridiculous right now.”

“Shut up, Tsukishima!” And you remained hugging each other until the blonde boy had to separate you two because it was getting late, and lunch was going to be served in each of your homes.

Lev Haiba

With Lev Haiba you know one thing for sure: it doesn’t matter how tall you are, he will always be taller.

Said this, this statement leads to him picking you up on every opportunity that he has, super comfortable bear hugs, and, of course, piggyback rides on every walk home.

Used to be alone all your life, this new and recently acquired affection brings back some tears that you thought you left behind, but this time, the tears have another flavor in them.

Watching volleyball matches wasn’t something that you overly enjoyed, but when Lev was on the court, the matches transformed into a movie that you could spend your entire life watching. Even though the boy wasn’t the best player, and definitely wasn’t the team's ace, all the effort that he put into those matches was something that you could observe forever. Lev was an upcoming star who made some mistakes, but on the court, life seemed to disappear and the only thing that mattered was the ball in front of him, calling for his name.

And while he was on the court, the only thing that mattered to you were his vibrant eyes that shine through the dim lights of the gym and reflect all of his passion for the sport. While he was on the court, you could only view how happy volleyball made him, and how happy it made you that Lev has something he could rely on forever, that he has something that makes his big eyes enjoy the small world he was seeing.

However, the shine of his eyes disappears when he touches the ball, changing into determination and dedication, only for it to return when the ball goes to the other side of the court and makes a point. Then, it’s when Lev would look up at the grades and search for some other eyes. Then, it’s when Lev would search for your beautiful e/c eyes and send you one of his killing smiles, one of the smiles that make your heart engulf your chest, and that makes hundreds of butterflies appear in your stomach.

When Lev gets a point, you know that right after he will be always looking after your gaze, and then it will be your turn to have shiny eyes that demonstrate how proud you are of him, and how much you love the half-Russian guy.

Even though it’s during the match when you are proud of him, it’s when it finishes that you can go next to the guy and actually show him how much it meant to you.

After every game, it doesn’t matter if it’s a practice or a significant one, he will always come running to you in the gym halls, grabbing you and spinning you in an enormous bear hug. While he is sweaty and tired, that doesn’t stop him from showing you his love.

“Y/n!” He would say while grabbing your tights and making you hug his neck so you don’t fall to the floor. “Have you seen me? Have you seen that point?”

“Of course I have seen it, Lev!” You would also exclaim, excited for the Nekoma’s winning. “You were amazing, as always.”

“He could have been a little more observant of the ball, and not of you.” Then, it was Kuroo’s turn to speak, when he usually guided his team to their bus. “He is always looking at the grades after you when you come to the games. Although I can’t complain, he plays better when you are here.”

“Kuroo!” Lev was always embarrassed when his captain talked to you. It was an adorable sight that you witnessed when the taller guy put you on the floor again.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever you say. We are going to go get something to drink at the vending machines, and in half an hour we will be on the bus. If you are not there, we will leave without you.” The black-haired guy threatening your Lev was also a daily occurrence, but he never would leave without the half-Japanese teammate. Or at least, that’s what you two like to think.

“I won’t entertain him a lot Kuroo, don’t worry.” In the end, it was you who put a dot on the conversation, and while the team was going to eat something, Lev was busy talking to you. He preferred talking to you, and that made your heart beat faster each time.

“I know I’m sweaty, but, can I hold you again?”

While starting to blush, you respond. “Of course Lev, always.”

On every after-match you both have this conversation. The Russian asks if he can hold you again, and, who are you to deny that? Then, he goes to the nearest bank and sits with you, while hugging you even more.

“I was thinking about you while making the point. You always inspire me to do my best.”

After a game, Lev transforms into a big teddy bear. He’s tired, and he only wants you to cuddle him before going back to Nekoma’s gym. To make this cuddling session even more comfortable, he gives you his spare team jacket. A red coat that envelops you completely, drowning you in his cologne and his warmth.

“I know Lev. You always dedicate all of your points to me.”

“But this one was more special!”

“Oh yes? And why was this one more special?” You asked intrigued. This was a new conversation that he never mentioned before.

“Well, this one is special because I was thinking…” The boy stops mid-sentence, and you urge him to continue.

“You can tell me, Lev. I won’t tell anyone.”

“This one’s special because I was thinking about how much I love you.” Speechless, you let him continue. “I love you so much y/n. You make me better.” At this, the boy hides his face in your neck.

“Lev…” Hugging him even more, you finally answer the unspoken question that was lingering in the air with a breaking voice. “I love you too.”

“Really!” Separating his face from your neck, he notices something that worries him. “Wait, are you crying? Why are you crying? You just said that you love me… It was a joke?”

“No Lev, it wasn’t a joke.” Sniffling and letting even more tears fall down your cheeks onto his shirt, you continue. “I’m just so happy that you love me, Lev. I’m so happy because I also love you, and I have been dying to tell you this for a really long time.”

“If you are happy you shouldn’t be crying.” When he said this, he approached you and put his hands on your damped cheeks. “If anything, you should be laughing.” Finally, Lev put his lips on top of yours, and you two shared your first kiss.

It was a kiss full of tears, but you couldn’t have asked for a better first kiss when your Lev was the one kissing you and filling you up with an unspoken happiness, that would make you both the two luckiest people in this world.

--------------------------------------------------

If you liked this, please look for my other works!

Kageyama x female!reader x Oikawa angst!

A fluffy bad day (Fluff drabble with Kenma & Hinata)

Tall girls love short boys most (Fluff imagine with Nishinoya)

I’m not a usual writer, but if someone wants to send a request and give inspiration, feel free to do it! My asks are always open!

Thank you so much for reading!

[issaxcharlie]

We say we're friends, we play pretend (2/2 )You're more to me, we're everything

PART 1 HERE

Pairing: Charlie Gillespie x Fem reader

Summary: Charlie and Y/N were best friends and a couple as teens, after their breakup they meet again 4 years later on JATP and have to work together. Will they be able to recover more than their friendship?

If Charlie knew anything in life, it was that he had to take things carefully. Especially with such strong feelings involved. In general, when you like someone, the least you want is for that person to see you as a friend, but particularly for them, recovering their friendship bond was the most important step.

“You were so cute!” Tori and Owen are looking at photos of the guitarist's childhood on his phone. A photo of little Charlie in a suit grinning from ear to ear while holding a girl as if he is spinning her around shows up.

That memory is one of his favorites. He was always a very loved boy with many friends, but in the case of girls he was not the most popular. His best friend on the other hand was, at least for him, the most beautiful girl he had ever seen and boys were always around her. He knew he needed to find a partner for the dance so that she wouldn't feel guilty or he wouldn't feel humiliated by not having someone to go with.

However, he was rejected, quite a few times. He didn’t want to say anything about the dance to his best friend that week because he knew that she would stay home with him without hesitation. But that day half an hour before, he arrived in a suit and flowers for her, so at least he could have a picture of such an important moment with the person he loves the most, and he was the one surprised.

“It was about time Char, we have to take about 30 pictures before we go. Mom bought you a tie so we can match." She is up and down looking for one of her shoes, not even turning to see her friend who doesn’t know if he understood correctly.

At that moment she finally turns to see him and runs for a hug, Charlie barely had time to raise his arm with the flowers.

“You look so handsome, and the flowers are perfect. Best partner ever, I love you so much C! I’ll be ready in a second.”

She had planned to go with him from the beginning, and thought it was an implicit pact. That realization made Charlie's heart beat a lot faster that day. No matter how many people invited her, she wanted to go with him. He spent the night with his favorite person dancing and singing, feeling grateful for her, this light who always chooses him of all people.

“I looked pretty good in those clothes.” Y/N says as she and Madison sit at the table.

“You always look amazing, but yeah that night was special.” It's also the night that he realized that he was feeling more than friendship for his best friend, but this is not the time to talk about it.

He decides to continue preparing his waffles, than even though it already has like 5 ingredients, it seems something is missing.

Y/N blushes a little and smiles. “Here, handsome.” She hands him a can of pringles that she grabbed from the cafeteria when she saw him making eggo’s.

“Perfect, Y/N Y/L teaching everyone why she's my soulmate.” Everyone at the table begins to complain about what they qualify as the most disgusting thing they have ever seen, while the former couple smiles happily as they secretly link their legs under the table and continue their breakfast.

Little details like that one, or as removing all the products that she would take with milk from her hands because she seems to forget every morning that she is allergic can make a difference.

“You are 22 years old and you are still as careless as when we were children, I do not understand how you have survived these 4 years."

“You were always the one who cared about it and kept me safe, I guess unconsciously having you close my brain says, ‘no worries, Char will take care of it.’ So I’m sorry, I'll be more careful.”

A seriously ill 10-year Y/N on the way to the hospital invaded Charlie's mind, whom quickly shook off the bad memory.

“It’s all good, bright star.”

“What did you say?” Madison asks.

“Bright star. I know Kenny calls her ‘golden star’, but he’s the copycat. I've been calling her like that all my life.”

Y/N just smiles, enjoying the moment. She had not heard those words from his lips for years, and honestly Kenny also calling her a star even If it was sweet, made her remember Charles practically every day, and that didn’t help at all to get over the guitarist.

“You are my brightest burning star.” Madison replies, looking at Charlie with amusement in her eyes.

At that moment the actor understands what is going through his co-star's head and panics.

“So this queen is the one who has you so inspired, I should have realized it before.”

“She’s always my inspiration, period.” Y/N starts to laugh while blushing, and Madison’s attention falls completely on her.

“And I guess ‘Bright’ is a coincidence? And rise through the night, you and I, We will fight to shine together...Bright forever.” The songwriter wants to disappear at that precise moment while everyone turns to see her as if she had a third eye on her forehead.

“But you wrote bright long before you even knew Charlie was part of the proyect.” Owen adds, smirking.

“If you are asking me if I draw inspiration from the people I love, to write... the answer is yes. And yes, of course I love him.” How is it possible for the guitarist to slow things down when she says things like that in front of everyone? All he wants right now is to kiss her. This discovery means that despite the time she still had him in mind, the song cannot have been written for long. Hope is flooding his body.

“Ok but they inspiring each other is the sweetest thing in the world, goals right there.” Tori adds excited, her friends blushing.

All those teasing moments helped them to be more transparent with their feelings, hugging, touching, and basically staying close each time they finished their work obligations, almost as if they were afraid that the other would disappear or as if they were trying to make up for lost time.

“We need a lot more energy, especially from Charlie. Luke lives for music, nothing can give him more joy than being on stage."

"They have been working for 17 hours straight and at least 15 attempts with this musical." Paul tries to reason with Kenny mid-recording of Now or Never, which still does not come out as the director was expecting.

“What was in the recording studio that is not here now? I thought they would show an even greater energy than there after they stepped on stage."

They both turn to each other, as if the light had been turned on at the same time, and Paul takes his phone.

A few minutes later Y/N walks on set, Sunset Curve smiles upon seeing her.

“I wanted to make sure that we are fulfilling the vision of our beloved songwriter. Let's not disappoint her, okay? Let's try it one more time." Kenny shouts before starting to record again.

Instantly the energy is seen a thousand times higher, Charlie more radiant than ever, while Y/N replicates his energy behind the cameras, flooding him with sass and attitude. The young singer also motivates her now friends and unknowingly gave Sunset Curve that extra thing they needed to finally achieve the perfect performance. Kenny and Paul doing a fist bump behind the screens.

Soon their chemistry and energy turned into open conversation. The way they made everyone on set cry the first time they practiced Unsaid Emily or how connected and dreamy they were while dancing to Perfect Harmony when Madison wasn't on set.

But they still weren’t together, at least officialy.

If Charlie was honest, the fear of throwing himself all over and losing her again terrified him. The industry they love so much and decided to work in doesn't let having a relationship be easy, and if things go wrong again, they don't know if it might be possible to fix it again. It was basically a leap of faith.

Nonetheless, he knows he's willing, but what about her?

That morning he enters the set overwhelmed with his situation when he sees an even more overwhelmed Y/N walk by without even turning around, almost running to the recording studio.

“I advise you to give her some space for a few hours. Let's say she’s going to have a pretty difficult day."

"Why? What happened?" Jeremy asks as he and Owen stand next to the director.

“She got a call from the people at Netflix, they have already approved almost all the music except ‘Stand Tall’, the closing song, and her favorite. They will come in an hour to hear her presentation and convince them that it is good enough."

At that moment Charlie has an idea. There is no way that he will leave her alone, if he has the opportunity to help her he will do it and he’ll drag along all the people he needs to achieve it.

"Kenny, do you happen to have the music sheets for the song?"

“Don’t tell me-” Owen tries to ask but Charlie interrumpts him.

“Yes, let’s get to work boys.”

An hour later Y/N is freaking out, and she can't help but wish Charlie was around. Of all the days he could choose to disappear, he chose today.

She walks towards the auditorium, where to her surprise way more people than she expected are present, including most of the cast. But there is no sign of her lover boy anywhere.

Now or never. She takes a deep breath and start playing the keyboard. Her voice is the only thing that accompanies the keys. Everything is going as planned, but she can't help but feel distracted, nervous, and overwhelmed.

She is about to give up this fight internally when a drum before the second verse gives her the strength to continue singing, Owen smiles and winks at her to give her some peace of mind, and just a few seconds later Jeremy begins to accompany them with the bass. She knows whose idea it is and she just waits for him to come out from wherever he is hidden.

"I’m going out of my mind, Whatever happens, even if I'm the last standing I’ma stand tall, I’ma stand tall." His voice finishes waking her up and she accompanies him in the chorus, their chemistry electrifying everyone until every single person is standing, the cast supporting, dancing and clapping while the couple continues to focus on each other, separating out of obligation every so often but taking the opportunity to sing along with Jeremy and Owen who were doing an amazing job too, impacting with their solos.

The song ends and the boys disappear while Y/N talks to the people who came to evaluate her work, who finally approve the last song on the soundtrack that she has been working on for so long and to which she put all her soul.

The very second people outside the cast leave, Y/N looks for who has always been the boy of her life, the one who has proven that even though the years go by, they only need a few seconds to be themselves again, to be everything again. And as soon as she finds him hanging around only with the other 3 members of JATP she runs and jumps on him, entwining her legs at his hips and hugging him from the neck with all her strength, he immediately secures her by putting his arms around her waist.

“Thank you, thank you, thank you!”

The band starts screaming “Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss!” hoping that one of the two will already dare to take the next step, and Y/N stamps her lips against Charlie's, who reacts almost automatically and kisses her back hard, deciding quickly this is the happiest moment of his life. He finally got the girl, or with what just happened, her fierce girl got him.

Hours later both are in Y/N's apartment curled up on a sofa, enjoying being together again.

“Yes, that sexy, beautiful, adorable and talented man is my boyfriend, Charlie Gillespie.”

Charlie chuckles at her random declaration. “What was that?”

“I’m practicing, and I wanted to say it aloud. I’m just so happy right now.”

His heart melts, she’s the most beautiful thing in the world. His brightest burning star.

His girlfriend doesn't give him time to reply, devouring his lips again. After all, she has four years to recover, and as always, he is more than willing to help her.

Thank you so much for reading!

NEXT PART HERE

Tag list:

@siennanoelle01

@reblogserpent

@kiss-themoongoodbye

@writerinlearning

@rachelle3musicals

[unilightwrites]

writeblrs intro - the show is starting

Hi there! I'm Helen, the mind behind Unilight Writes - a blog I wanted to get out to actually do something with my writing. I think I'll be treating this as a safe space to motivate me to get the things I imagine out of my head and onto paper. Or a screen I guess. Semantics. Now, the last time I used Tumblr was years back when I was very much an angsty teen - I feel kind of confused and out of place but I hope to find a curious community here! And maybe send bullshit asks my friends' way. But hush. ANYHOW, not to drone on any longer - I enjoy and plan to work on some things during my... uh... stay? Yeah, let's roll with stay.

I'd love to share ideas and concepts that rattle around my brain with you all! I'm always up for discussions and questions, maybe some practice in going Random Bullshit, Go!. I'm looking for inspiration, whether it be phrasing, art, other creative expression or simply reading through works of storytellers. Gods only know how exhaustive is creativity. Characters. Just, characters. Making them alive, making them lovable or deserving of hate, evoking emotion through the creation of their mind. WORLDBUILDING. Don't get me even started! drafting and coming up with scenarios and little details for the worlds inside our heads is simply one of the best things ever. The dreaded word - WIP. I intend to share or showcase bits and pieces of my work that are stuffed so deep inside my mental closets that it's even deeper than I was before coming out. Anyhow - ill be leaving it out for you lot, whether you want it or not. That's my hubris right there, the true purpose of Unilight Writes Some general things about me: - I've always wanted to write and bring forward the stories of my imagination - but I think that to be a common thing among us here. Why write if you have nothing to say, why write if you don't want to. I did some writing when I was younger but I gave it up to focus more on school work. Guess what! school is not in the picture for the time being so here I go, doing what I love once again! - I'm rekindling a lot of old flames here. I started reading for pleasure again (right now I'm going through Memoirs of Lady Isabella Trent, a great pick for anyone who enjoys dragons and women in science, but make it victorian!) and relearned how to entertain the imagination in my head. I'd die for a nice fantasy book but I'm not that big on sci-fi. Anything in fantasy -low, high, medium, medieval, modern, whatever. Unless we're talking SJM, I'm out the second there is harp music in my spicy scenes. - I'm pretty interested in random Wikipedia bullshit, researching nonsense topics, and drawing inspiration from folklore and cultures I have yet to fully experience. - Music-wise I'm bordering all subgenres of folk - indie, rock, alt. Anything is fair game, to be honest - I'm all for DnD. If you play it? Amazing. If you don't? Welcome to my table, young one, lets's go on an adventure. I love how expressive it is and the degree of creativity you can have around it. - I'm trying to learn cardistry. Honestly, I'm rather shit at it but I'm doing my best and it's absolutely exhilarating. Doing all those little card tricks and shuffles is a great way to actually let my mind wander and come back with solutions instead of panic. - I absolutely ADORE piercings and tattoos, they're the main part of my everyday aesthetic (plus, if you have a nice sketch of a duck in a burglar outfit that's stealing a pack of cigarettes, please please hit me up, I want that tattooed) - I use she/they pronouns and consider myself queer - putting a label has helped me a lot in the early parts of my self-actualization but now I'm just as confused as back then and I can't be bothered to do anything about it. Now, seeing as all three pre-play rings did their thing - lets have a seat and glance upon the absolute bastard of a child my brian came up with: "The Grand Circus" It's currently my one and only work in progress. It's very much still in the preliminary steps of development, but it's there! The novel will follow the life of Varadia - a person living in a world filled to the brim with magickal creatures taken from a fair share of different cultures and belief systems. Ever since being a wobbly child, she wanted to join the Grand Circus - a troupe of travelling artists that showcase all around the continent. And now after years of self-training, she will get the chance to audition. But as always, there are a lot of political intrigues and people being not quite who they seem to be. With a double layer to everything, she'll have to navigate a wide world she hasn't seen before, alone save for her newfound family - other performers

[floral-and-fine]

Linger Part 2

Beorn x female reader

Part 1

Summary: Beorn worries about the reader’s safety shortly after meeting her and the company.

A/n: Thinking about writing a third part. Sorry, this took so long. Thank you @luna-xial​ for helping me stay motivated!

The woods had been abnormally quiet lately, the air was still and all the woodland creatures appeared to be in hiding, there was no rustling in the trees and all the birds had stopped singing. 

Beorn hadn’t encountered any orcs either nor seen any sign of them for the last several nights now. However, he continued his patrols, making his rounds, keeping an eye out for any clue that would hint at what the orcs were planning. Their absence was an eerie one, a sign that something terrible was going to happen. 

Beorn wasn’t a fool, he knew their disappearance coinciding with the dwarves retaking their home was anything but a coincidence. 

He knew their little venture was a risky one, especially with Azog's interest in Thorin. No telling how far the orc would go to end the Durin line. 

He growled, wrinkling his snout as he prowled through the forest on all fours, the idea of you getting caught in the crossfire between Azog and the dwarves, angered him. He feared the worst would happen to you as a result of it. 

Beorn had, on occasion since your departure, imagined what it would’ve been like if you had stayed. What it would be like to have your company in the evening, your presence nearby as he worked, to be able to listen to you talk and laugh. 

He had been without companionship for so long, after the pain of losing his people, he avoided anyone other than his animals. Who would've guessed had become so lonely? That deep down he longed to be close to someone again?

As Beorn traveled to higher ground, he froze when he realized that in the distance a massive army of Orcs was marching towards the lonely mountain. With an army of that size, there would surely be a massacre. 

His choice seemed clear at this point, he would need to travel quickly to the Lonely Mountain if he was going to be of any help. 

…

Beorn staggered forward, his body shifting from bear to man. He fell to the ground, barely able to hold himself upon his hands, groaning as every bone in his body changed shape and readjusted position. 

The battle had been chaos, Beorn and the eagles arrived just moments after the orcs struck. Without hesitation he had joined the fight, biting and clawing his way through, while keeping a hopeful eye out for you. However, there had been no sign of you with the dwarves. 

Once the fighting had finally ended, and the remaining orcs had fled, Beorn resumed his search, even fiercer than before. 

Getting back on his feet, he grabbed a discarded banner and wrapped it around his hips, and held it up with his left hand.  Men and elves gawked over his size, watching as he stumbled towards the camps. 

His bones and muscles ached from transforming in such quick succession, his energy drained from fighting, but he was desperate to find you. 

Beorn pressed on, limping forward, passing by nameless faces belonging to men, elves, and dwarves. His eyes searching for any sign of you. Many thoughts crossed his mind, should he remain hopeful that he’d find you alive and well or brace himself for the worst should he find you dead or not at all?

“Y/n,” he called from the center of the camp, his eyes darting back and forth. 

Tilda, Bard’s youngest, spotted the giant man calling for you. Too intimidated to approach him herself, she decided to find you for him instead.

She quickly made her way around the tents and rumble of the old city, finally finding you speaking with her father. 

“Y/n,” she said, tugging on your sleeve drawing your attention away from Bard. 

“Yes?” You chirped. 

“Someone’s looking for you.”

You furrowed your brow, “Who is?”

She shrugged, “no idea, never seen anyone like him.”

Filled with curiosity, you followed Tilda. You had no clue as to who would come looking for you, you had already seen the company. 

You stopped dead in your tracks upon seeing a very bewildered and naked Beorn calling out for you. 

Beorn?” You shouted, still utterly surprised to see the skin-changer here of all places.

He spun around and the moment he saw you alive and well, he collapsed to his knees. Without thinking, you rushed to his side and knelt down beside him. 

“Are you alright?” He asked immediately, his large hand cupping your cheek.

“I’m fine,” you shook your head with a small smile. “it’s you who needs tending to.” You looked behind you towards your tent, then back to Beorn, “Are you able to walk?”

He nodded, wincing as he rose to his feet. You guided him forward towards your tent and helped him settle down on the blankets. 

“You weren’t you with the dwarves...” he started, groaning as he laid down. 

“It’s a long story,” you sighed, preparing to tend to Beorn’s various cuts and bruises.

“I’ve got time,” he encouraged. 

You laughed. “I suppose you're right… well, after our encounter with the elves, we met Bard, who was kind enough to smuggle us into Lake-Town,” you began, wrapping his hand with a bandage. 

“Thorin offered the townsfolk a share of the mountain's riches for their help. I stayed behind when they departed... Kili had fallen ill, I offered to stay and help care for him.”

Beorn listened intently to your story. His eyes observing you carefully as you effortlessly talked and worked at the same time. 

You explained how Bard and his son slayed Smaug, and how you rejoined the rest of the dwarves, but by then Thorin had succumbed to the Dragon Sickness.

“He had become so cruel,” you continued, cleaning a long scratch on Beorn’s forearm. “the rest of the company was concerned for him as well.”

You sighed, setting the rag down and retrieving a salve.  “I believe what Bilbo did was justified, so when Thorin called Bilbo a traitor, I left too and joined the others,” you shrugged. 

During most of the battle, you were with Bard’s children, trying your best to protect them, despite not being much of a fighter. 

“I’m glad you’re alright,” Beorn said softly, looking up at you. 

“What about you?” You asked, lifting your brow. “I can't imagine that you were anxious to help the dwarves out again.”

He looked away for a moment, before quietly answering. “I’m here for you,” he said with a serious look. 

“For me?” You stuttered, wide-eyed.

He nodded, his cheeks turning a faint shade of pink. 

“I’m happy you’re here,” You smiled, lightly pushing back his hair from his face and stroking his cheek tenderly, as you admired the rather gentle skin-changer.

 “Now, sweet man, get some rest,” you urged, before pressing a kiss to his forehead. 

Beorn fell asleep easily enough, in fact, the sound of his snoring could be heard from all corners of the camp. 

He had traveled quite a distance in such a short amount of time, then immediately fought his way through an army of orcs just for you. The thought alone made you feel as though you were floating. 

Quietly, you tiptoed out of the tent in search of fabric. You doubted any of the spare clothing here would fit him, he was far taller and larger than most of the men at the camp. 

It was dark out when you returned, Beorn was still sleeping soundly in your tent. You found the sound of his snores oddly comforting. The nights here and on your travels had been far too quiet for your liking, making you feel rather lonely at night. 

Sitting in the corner by a lit candle,  you worked on using spare fabric to make Beorn some pants. You couldn’t imagine what people had thought seeing him wandering around practically naked. 

Your face heated up as you pictured him standing there with nothing but a raggedy scrap of cloth to cover himself with. He was an attractive man in a wild sort of way, muscular with untamed hair. 

Lost in your thoughts, you accidentally stabbed your finger with the needle, hissing you sucked on your fingertip to help with the pain. 

Beorn stirred at the sound, “are you alright?”

“You heard that?” You perked up. 

“Mmhmm,” he answered, still partially asleep. “I can hear the mice outside the tent scurrying about, and even the horses braying in the distance.”

“That’s quite amazing,” you noted. 

He laughed lowly, “I suppose it is… what are you doing up so late Busy Bee?” 

“Just need to finish something first.”

He closed his eyes again, “you should be sleeping.”

“I will shortly,” you smiled, running the needle through the fabric again as you worked on finishing the seam. 

…

Beorn stared at you with an unreadable expression, his eyes focused on the pants you were currently holding out towards him. 

“It’s not my best work,” you started, fidgeting slightly. “But I figured it had to be better than nothing. I guessed your measurements, and I think they’ll fit at least well enough for you to walk around the camp, and if they’re too loose, I can take them in a bit. That wouldn’t take too long, I suppose.”

You continued to ramble as Beorn sat there somehow quieter than usual. This gift presented an odd dilemma with it. 

You made something for him, you had considered his needs and worked almost all night on it. According to skin-changer traditions, this could be considered a marriage proposal, a symbol of you willing to provide for him. 

Of course, he was aware that you were unfamiliar with skin-changer practices, but that still didn’t make this any easier on him. As the last of his kind, he was the last to maintain their customs and traditions.

“I’m afraid I cannot accept,” Beorn finally admitted.

Your shoulders slumped, your hands lowering, “why? I made them for you.”

Beorn sighed, “For skin-changers giving gifts is a romantic gesture to put it lightly.”

“Oh, I see,” you nodded, feeling rather embarrassed. 

The truth was you wouldn’t mind becoming romantically involved with Beorn, it wasn’t something you had given much thought to. But you couldn’t deny the attraction that was there. 

Not sure what else to do, you went about your day as he continued to rest. 

It didn’t take long for Beorn to heal, by the second day he looked as good as new. 

He sighed, sitting in your tent alone with his thoughts. He had no excuse to stay any longer, the animals at home needed him to return. He accomplished what he had set out to do, he fought orcs, found you safe and sound. It was time for him to leave. 

But that didn’t mean he wanted to leave, and he was completely aware of why he didn’t want to leave you. 

"Beorn?" You said lightly shuffling inside the tent, and successfully drawing him from his thoughts.

His intense gaze falling upon you. “Yes, little bee?”

You inhaled deeply and held out the pants to him again.

His brow furrowed, “y/n-“

“I know,” you interrupted him. “But please hear me out, my feelings for you are rather new, but I’ve traveled a long way to get here, and of all the amazing and terrifying places I had seen, the only one I wanted to return to was your home.” 

Your heart was racing, your face was flush, and you didn’t dare meet his gaze, instead, you stared at the ground praying he’d say something.

Suddenly you felt his fingers lightly brush against yours as he accepted your gift. 

Your head snapped up, as you looked at him with big eyes. A content smile formed on his lips as he leaned down and his forehead touched yours gently nuzzling against it while his large hands softly caressed your arms. 

“We’ll depart in the morning,” he whispered.