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#but ill do digital if it matters that much idk
fiendishartist2 · 1 year
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"i do agree there's a resemblance. um. very strong resemblance between us"
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jabeur · 4 months
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i was tagged by @drunkenromantic and @steffigraf to do the get to know me tag thank youuu <3 (ericka i'm doing it on this blog even if you tagged my main sdksdn)
1. Do you make your bed?
not always but i prefer to! it makes my space feel neat and welcoming (even if it's just to myself lol that's what matters) and it's so nice when i get home and my bed's all tidy bc i made it before going out it's like. ah yes i beat mental illness this morning
2. Favourite number?
19!!!!!
3. What's your job?
an office job in a social cooperative. specifically my office's digital transformation which probably means nothing to anyone
4. If you could go back to school, would you?
well you see. absolutely not! i mean i could probably take night classes to get a high school diploma, i don't want to but i could, but like actually going back to school ? jesus, no. middle and high school were awful
5. Can you parallel park?
i can't drive (yet ?)
6. Do you think aliens are real?
yeah. not in a conspiracy theories way or whatever but i think it'd make sense if they were
7. Can you drive a manual car?
i can't drive any car (yet ?)
8. Guilty pleasure?
mh i don't know? maybe that i too often fall into the temptation of eating outside of meal times and that ruins my appetite and my schedule which makes me mad at myself sdjsjdbs
9. Tattoos?
i have two (like ericka!) both on my right arm. one's inspired by my favorite place, porto selvaggio in puglia (southern italy) and i love it sooooo much i think it's so pretty (and i get compliments about it pretty regularly which is impressive bc it's not Super easy to see but it catches people's attention who want to see it better). the other's a person painting 3 stars with the lyrics "cambia le tue stelle" underneath. i'd like to get more, but same issues as ericka (what to get?? they're fucking expensive) BUT i'm thinking of like getting an addition to the stars tattoo bc basically the 3 stars represent 2 people + 1 pet who passed away that i love very much and now that my sweet little cat ripy is gone too it feels right to get something for him as well. but i have to decide stuff and i'm super bad at decisions lately :^)
10. Favourite colour?
blueeeeeee. any shade tbh. light blue dark blue pastel blue cobalt whatever. i love all blues
11. Favourite type of music?
i listen to a lot of different genres, in different languages, from different decades etc 😭 but i guess if i had to pick, rn i'd say i lean more towards r&b, classic rock and italian pop
12. Do you like puzzles?
yes!!! word puzzles my beloved! i suck at crosswords but i'm trying to do them anyway bc it is so satisfying when i finish one and it's a good way to learn stuff and keep my mind sharp. i like physical jigsaw puzzles too but actually i haven't done one in aaaaages. now i want to tho
13. Any phobias?
no i don't think so
14. Favourite childhood sport?
i played volleyball during my childhood/early teens, i liked it (i wasn't particularly good at it tho). i didn't really play any other sport until tennis (after i dropped volleyball i think? memories are hard) i love tennis but i didn't take lessons for nearly long enough to be decent at it lmao
15. Do you talk to yourself?
yes all the time. now that i live alone i'm always going on monologues while i pace around the (small, it's a lot of back and forth lmao) apartment or do chores or whatever
16. Tea or coffee?
both. tea tho, i prefer it hot so i mostly drink it during the cold months. i actually didn't drink coffee until like 2 years ago then i got a job and..... being around working italian people, i was doomed to start
17. First thing you wanted to be when growing up?
a writer or journalist
18. What movies do you adore?
so many????? i love cinema. if this means like, genres, then again so many. i'll just give you 3 movies i've watched lately and loved: wife! be like a rose! (1935), letter never sent (1960), calcutta 71 (1972)
idk who's done this already or been tagged so feel free to ignore this but i'm tagging @shapovalovvs @lewisfencer @fortyfive-forty @belteppismo @tiiresias @marcotardelli @carlosheinz <3
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The ED has not been ED-ing, really. The thoughts are still there, but I have been eating pr "normally". Sometimes overeating, altho not properly bingeing, thank fuck. Probably gained some weight, probably haven't gained a crazy amount. Maybe I have.
I don't rlly give a shit abt anything atm, altho I kinda do give a lot of shits at the same time. Going to try to not gain any more weight, maybe try to lose some, try to take what opportunities I can.
On one hand, life is good rn, day-to-day shit is quite enjoyable-ish. I've made some fucking incredible, lovely friends. Idk how much they care or don't care about me, esp since they're quite new friends, but they're rlly amazing people and talking to them is a lot of fun.
Blegh. Every day, swinging between being happy and semi-fulfilled and excited abt the future, to feeling insubstantial and nothing-y, to wanting to cut everything out of my life and punish myself and rot away.
I'll be fine, I'm always fine, even if I'm not well I'm still always fine in the end. I should be glad for that, at least. Things could be so much fucking worse.
Want everyone who ever knew me to completely forget that I ever existed. Want to be shut in some dank flat in some bloated, uncaring city. Want no one to ever know that I exist. Want to spend the rest of my life in some living purgatory. Do I actually want that tho? No??? Not rlly???
Idfk. Self-pitying nonsense and bullshit, etc. etc.
Got to try and find a way to not let my feelings consume me, while still feeling my feelings fully. Got to try and just improve without kicking myself over every failure, past or present or future. Got to recognise my failures, while not allowing myself to be crushed by them.
Can I talk to people about my issues without sounding like a pathetic, self-centred whinge? Will they even be able to help me, or will I just hear things that I already know? Will my image be ever tainted in their minds? Does that matter? Do they not deserve to know how awful I truly am?
Talking into the void is good lmao, even if anyone sees this and thinks it's stupid as shit, at least you're just a distant, digital stranger. Maybe it's not stupid as shit. Egh. Not my call to make.
Might be more active on here, might not. Doomsaying rn but things are okay, this is the mentally ill den after all, most of the not-bad stuff doesn't belong here. I'm always fine. I hope you'll always be fine too, in the end.
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zaustavitezemlju · 5 months
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i need ta rant and i dont wanna go bother my friends. so why not add to my digital footprint lets go future employers if you find this enjoy
uh. cw for like. talk abt slurs/racism(?)/homophobia nd transphobia (kinda)
i keep loosing my friends cuz theyre all saying stupid shit. not dropping names but lets say his name is tincan. so tincan and I have been feiends for like 3-4 yrs now and hes a great dude. bit weird soemtimws but hes silly and were on the same wavelength roughly. well imagine my surprise qhere one day in class he just randomly says the n word and stafts cackling like irs so funny!!!!! (hes white btw.) yes king racial slurs are mx FAVORITE form of comedy 😍😍😍 and so ofc i turn to him and im like. tincan that isnt ok what. and he goes dwdw i have the pass ........,........ i think that speaks for itself. and so i go ok. this dudes weird! and i will probably not be talking to him anymore!! but then we have like break right. two weeks and im travelling. out of NOWHERE.DEADASS NOWHERE WE HADMT TWXTED IN AGES. this man sends me a fucking DICK PIC. WITH RHE FUCKING CAPTION OF "i gotchu man since you like dick" NOT OUT OF NOWHERE YOU DRIED LIZARD. and i also didnt have data so i couldnt even reply for ages and it was horrible. and ofc i reply like tincan. what the actual fuck. AND THIS MF GOES "mb i thought you liked dick" LIKE HE WAS DOING ME A FAVOR OR SOME SHIT. so i get PISSEDDD. and i contemplate blocking him and im like youve changed fast af and hes like well what have i done other than send that pic. I DUNNO. SAID THE N WORD? SAID THE F SLUR TO. MY. FACE. AND LAUGHED IT OFF? AGREED WHEN ONE KF YOUR FRIWNDS WAS BEING TRANSPHOBIC TO ME INFRONT OF ME EVEN THOUGH YOUVE PREACHED SO MUCH ABOUT HOW YOUD NEVER STAND FOR THAT???? and then tincan was like ohh okk im sorry ill change for you. idk why he added for you it was weird and creepy and icky. sigh idk what to do tho bc like i dont want to completely push him away bc he is a valuable person to have for like general school matters. but i also do NOT want to be friwnds w someone like that. im just emotionally distancing myswlf for now like im not talking abt personal shit w him and im being more like surface level in convos
hes not rhe knly one tho like my closest friwnd rn is also kind of jumping on the bandwagon. he was talking abt rhis guy who he calls sometimws online and like plays games with (minecraft n shi) and he was like "oh yea he says the n word but its funny because hes british" (yea the guys white ofc (the online guy))and then proceeds to show me a clip of this guy saying the n word while theyre on voice chat while barely managing to hold his laughter. how is this funny im sorry huh? and i just like nodded or whatever cuz i was utterly dumbfounded that he would ever like even find something as stupid and uncreative as that funny. like........... 😧
anyway. i texted him and i was like yo just warning you i dont like the direction youre changing in and if i hear you say the n word we arent chill anymore bc its way too many ppl now. like be so real
what is so funny abt a racial slur. ill never know!!!!!
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vaudeville-venom · 7 months
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3/4AM — O3-12-2O24 : RANT / RAMBLE ﹐🪶 ˖ overview: im tired of tiktok, want to move to other social media platforms. want to start blogging / journaling on tumblr and love the idea of others doing the same and find it interesting. want to redo my intro post really bad (i bring it up alot.) i want to have the 'average highschool experience', feel alone then ramble about my life a bit. talk about how i am rambling and how i dont expect anyone to read it. im tired of having a fucked up sleep schedule and being unstable. then an ending note talking about journaling on tumblr again, moodboards, the fucking intro post again, and want to work on a tagging system. (im really fucking tired oh my god)
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[ me-core / aesthetic of my brain atm ] : images frm Pinterest
im really debating on just leaving tiktok for now, the algorithm fucking sucks especially right now. its boring as fuck and im not even seeing stuff of my interests or my mutuals ☠️ its all the same 3 god damn audios of content i wouldnt ever like want or expect to see??? ive mentally wanted to stop using shit like tiktok and move to using tumblr more and other sites like spacehey and stuff. i really need to redo spachey too. because while tumblr still has an algorithm ofc its alot less addicting and doesnt absolutely wreck your attention span like tiktok has for me. i feel like not using tiktok other than for occasional posts and sending things to / receiving things from friends would make me a bit more productive as well as being better for me mentally. while it wont magically cure me from any mental illness itll make me feel better and probably help my stress a bit.
i really love the idea of using a tumblr blog to post whatever i want and like use as a digital diary of some kind,, its super fun imo. i had an old acc but it felt like more of a chore to keep up with so now it’s abandoned. speaking of that blog i may make a post being like “hey, im [here] now!!” because i had some neat mutuals there. i think its really neat to see people post about their day and share things they like and reblog everything that catches their eye yk! that may just be a me thing.
i want to redo my intro post a bit, because idk im a bit unhappy with it. (dont be surprised if i edit it mid-writing this or before i post this..) i really love to write but i havent had much motivation at all. i typically love researching my interests and taking notes on them but recently i havent been able to no matter how much i want to, maybe this diary / blogging kind of thing will help me get back on my feet with that :)
i really dont have a ‘yearning’ for anything at the moment, besides having the experience of like everyone else my age. idk how (hahaha) corny that may sound but like for background, im online schooled due to mental and physical disabilities, i dont have many friends online or in person, i rarely see anyone, and i live with my dad and see my mom sometimes and dont really have family outside of that. the family i do have i dont get along with very well or theyre distant (physically or emotionally.) the family i really consider is my dad, because hes always there for me, and my friend micah, but he lives like 9 hours away from me like a LOSER (ily bffie.) im a big believer on chosen family and he is that chosen family. ok i got sidetracked, what im saying is i have no social life really, dont have a place to get a social life (school), and cant really connect with people no matter how i try to. i want to live life like how i see in teen life films or tiktoks of people vlogging with their friends, hell id kill to even have an irl bestfriend to be around. i do have irl friends, and i do have close friends, but i dont see them often or have the personal connection of a mutual best-friend feeling. my dads probably my best friend but i need someone my age lmfao.
this post will be so long that no one will read it i garuntee but also i dont mind?? im not gonna spill my guts like someone wont read this but im not gonna act like i have a large audience. this will just be a nice thing to look back on and keep up unless i anxiously delete it whenever i look back on it (maybe in the morning)
im really tired of waking up at 3-4pm right now, but i cant sleep earlier than 5am no matter what i do. and if i manage to fall asleep at 2am or something i wake up an hour later or wake up at 4-5am panicking for some reason. i havent been to therapy in forever, my therapist is like not doing her job as well as id like and i have no doctor other than my pediatrician who doesn’t understand what im talking about ever!!
i just made this post and thats kinda what led to all of this ranting and wanting to write and shit. im sorta just tired of alot of social media and would love to find myself in other ways and use other forms of social media to share those things even though tumblr is a bit more dead than some things :) im gonna end this one here but if i write another tonight or early tomorrow (like the afternoon same day but it’s tomorrow to me) dont be surprised i love rambling to myself. now i think im going to make this post look cute, post it, redo my pinned intro, work on featured tags/a tagging system, then go from there ^^’
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spikesbimbo · 4 years
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Three's trouble
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Pairing: suna x reader x atsumu
Tags: face fucking, praise, dirty talk, threesome, exhibitionism at first, teasing, choking, oral sex, finger sucking,  idk reader has an oral fixation, lowkey eiffel tower, spit/drool, crying, spanking, daddy!suna, masturbation
wc: 1.8k
a/n: Feeding yall until my dilf fics come out. Iowkey insp by this 
Minors dni 18+
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“C’mon lemme touch her...please rinnie” He teased, copying you, knowing all you had to do was bat your eyelashes and mumble those words and you'd get what you wanted.
“Call me that shit again and i'll kick you out.” suna said. Freezing in place, dick almost going soft after those words. Lucky your pretty face drooling all over his cock brought him back.
“Go ahead...” he sighed, knowing this was gonna happen after he ‘invited’ him to watch yall fuck after he walked in on you two, knowing he was insatiable as you, and that stroking his cock wasn't enough.
“I-,  you sure…?” he asked. “This okay with you, hmm?” Only caring what your answer was, knowing your boyfriend would go along with it if it made you happy.
“Dont get me wrong its hot as fuck, been dreaming about this for so long, but...” He continued waiting for you to put out an answer, an opening as you responded by breaking your head from sunas cock enough for you to mumble a soft, sweet “yeah”. Expression hidden as your boyfriend drags you back onto him, greed overriding him, wanting to be only one to see your face like this.
Physically responding by arching your back more, rocking your hips as the friction of the air wasn't enough, humming out while your lips were wrapped around his cock once again, nodding your consent again as suna wrapped his hand around your head, leaning back with a groan.
“Fuck baby.” he muttered out. Pride rising in your chest, taking all of him like a good girl. His tip hitting the back of your throat, hands sneaking up his thighs to grab his balls in between your fingers. 
“Don't be rough at first, she doesn't like that.” he said, eyes half closed watching his every movement, looking at your body and expression for any signs of discomfort.
“Got it, got it. Don't worry.” He complained, placing himself behind you. “You're acting like i've never touched a girl before.”
“Wouldn't doubt it.” he said under his breath. Turning his vision back to you, stroking your cheek as his face was getting more tinted by the second.
“Hey!”
You let out a whine, needy moans getting their well-needed attention back on you. Body feeling so neglected as tears started forming in your eyes, your boyfriend quickly calming you down.
“shh baby s’okay, ignore him. Just keep all your attention on me.” He cooed cupping your jaw, distracting you by doing the work for you, bobbing your head up and down with his hand on the back of your head.
Your noises getting higher and higher as atsumu moved his hand to your cunt, sliding his fingers down your slit up and down a few times before stopping to rub your clit. Sliding his finger in, so tight but you gave way so easy, curling his finger pushing the build up of slick out of you, dripping onto the floor beneath you.
“So fucking pretty.” he mumbled out, barely getting the words out before he put his lips on your thighs, placing harsh open mouthed kisses on them. Squirming at the feeling, suna’s hands locking you in place while his hands were grabbing your ass, fingers digging into the flesh as he spread you open. “So wet, wanna taste you.”
Moaning at the words, all shame leaving your body as you presented yourself more, just wanting to feel good already, hearing a chuckle followed by a slight smack landing on you. The shock, letting out a cry laced with pleasure, disconnecting your mouth from him, a gasp of “tsumu” falling from your lips, face contorting with embarrassment as your body does the same.
“You like it pretty girl? You like when your daddy spanks you when you're being bad, hmm?” 
Tears pooling in your eyes as the words left his mouth. “Aww, sweetheart. You love when he makes you cry like that, what an angel.”
His hand comes down onto your skin again, jumping at the contact, ashamedly getting you wetter and wetter. ”Fuck, you get this everynight? Lucky bitch.”:
Suna just chuckled, loving how you caught everyone's attention but at the end of the day you were his, no matter who touched you. Every nerve ending was tensing up as he entered you, his hips slowly meeting your ass at first. Watching himself slide in and out of you as he started to move, shallow strokes turning into deeper ones. “God damn baby, your tiny little cunt’s already swallowing me up.” thrusting into you harder and faster, cries leaving your throat as you already made a mess.
“Fuck baby, you already cum?...”Poor little thing, should've known that when i walked in on you creaming just from your daddy playing with your little cunt.”
“C-cause you were teasing me” you softly sobbed out in protest, needing him to move or you would breakdown.
“Was I? M’sorry pretty girl, dont worry ill make you feel good.” Hearing his grunts as you clenched, not stopping but getting rougher. Thrusting into you as his balls were hitting your sensitive clit, walls throbbing around him as you cried out incoherent words.
Watching himself slide in and out of your tiny little cunt  as he starts to move, slow and shallow strokes sliding into deeper ones. “You’re just fucking swallowing me up, fuck.”
“D-daddy” escaping from your lips in a moan, as his hand was wrapped around your neck, forcing you to look your wet sloppy face in his eyes as you were getting fucked. You blurry vision making out his deadpan face, but you felt his gaze on your body, ass bouncing after every thrust, only being held up by him.  
“Daddy?” tsumu questioned, his grip on your hips growing tighter, letting out a little squeal as his thrusts get shakier. “Fuck, youre so lucky.”
Suna just chuckled, knowing what he had, making sure you knew it too. Tsumu leaning back against your body watching you catch his thrusts halfway. Hips rolling, gasps barely having time to escape before they’re knocked out of you again.
Your boyfriend not being able to fight the groans that spill out of his mouth, thumb swiping over your lips, smearing his cum and spit there. Rocking his hips back into your mouth, eyes hooded watching tsumu make you crumble and cry under him.
“He making you feel good baby?” he asked. Whimpering at the way he’s grabbing your jaw, already so sore. “C’mon, be a good girl and tell daddy.”
Being patient with you was one of his specialties, letting you take all the time you needed, eyes focused on you waiting for you to be a big girl and use your words.
“Y-yea, rinnie.” you stuttered out, voice displaced by his thrusts.
“Good girl.”
The way he's speaking to you, so sweet and soft, but so dominant at the same time. Kissing you on the forehead before moving down to your lips. Wet eyes being rubbed by his finger as his other hand is stroking his cock.
Tsumu’s moans are background noise as you drag your tongue down his hand, grabbing it with the hand that isn’t currently on his dick, wrapping your lips around his digits. Not reacting besides letting you do what you want, as usual; breath hitching as you take it down to his knuckle.
“Fuck,” tsumu groaned, flicking his hips up into yours, getting off to the both of you looking like the sight of a porn clip in front of him.
“daddy, i-, im gonna” you whimpered, lips hovering over sunas, a line of spit connecting you two, how romantic. Your sentence not finishing as he dragged you back into a kiss, sloppy and messy, all while tsumu is bruising your cervix, the pain dulling at this point.
“Yeah baby, you gonna cum on my cock? Already doing such a good job.” he said, trying to look back at him before suna grabs your head again, looking into your red teary eyes as you pant out. Dry mouth open as he’s fucking your fist, rocking into you like you were a toy.
“You gonna be a good girl and take it? Gonna be a good girl?” he muttered out, sliding his flushed cock back into your drool covered mouth. 
“Our good girl.”
Suna rolls his eyes as he cups your face again, spit sliding down it as he pushed it in, not wanting to cum again after looking down into your spaced out eyes. The sound of his balls slapping your chin, obscure words leaving his mouth as your nose was now at his crotch.
The pain of your dry lips growing, the ache in your jaw only adding onto it but you were gonna make him finish. Hiccupping out whimpers as astumu gets rougher, picking up the pace. 
The sound of your wetness leaking onto his thighs and balls, every slap sounding lewd as possible the vibrations coming from your mouth is enough to have suna shove himself down your throat more, fucking you there until he cums down it.
A dazed smile appearing on your face as you licks up what slipping between your lips, looking like hes about to pass out at the sight of your lips licking it off of him, leaning his head back as the thinks hes about to blow again.
Another moan leaves your lips as you feel so close to your climax, not having anyone to pay attention to anymore but yourself as you feel your orgasm building up. Selfishly moving your boyfriends dirty hands to you, already catching your drift as he starts lazily rubbing your clit almost instantly making you cum.
Atumu chasing his as soon as he feels yours, rolling his hips deeper as he pushes your back in an arch. Seeing black for a minute as he lets himself go. Getting faster, hips stuttering as your body is limp under him resting on suna. Sobbing at the overstimulation as he continues to abuse your poor cunt as he drains his balls dry, making the most of his orgasm.
Mind going bank, not even realizing that he pulled out of you, and that you were laying in your boyfriends arms. Wrapped in the thin sheets, him coming down from a high just as much as you.
 “You good, baby?” suna whispered, wrapping his arm around you kissing beneath your ear as he rubbed your back. Nodding as you dozed off into him, sleepiness overtaking you at the feeling of being in his hold as you did every night.
“ So…” Atsumu started breaking the silence, suna already giving him a side eye, not wanting to wake up your pretty face squished into his shoulder. “Maybe ne-”
“No.”
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b0ther · 3 years
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tags : drabble/one-shot idk. feminine pronouns, afab reader / royalty or kingdom au, inspired by kill the villainess, eating out, semi-public and clothed though they don’t have sex yet lol we’re gonna have to wait for part two, this was supposed to be short but i got carried away bye.
i’ve been reading a lot of reincarnation manhwas, and i can’t stop thinking about knight yuuta.
knight yuuta with tough, veiny, calloused hands, his fingers are long and pretty and knuckles are chipped with dried blood; a boy that spends his days practicing his swordsmanship against a dull dummy until the sun sets. knight yuuta who is then knighted by a duke’s daughter, whose lips are zipped with obvious intention to display her disinclination to be in the ceremony. knight yuuta who follows the lady home that night, three steps behind her at all times, and recognizes that the vicinity around her isn’t the one that he is welcomed in; knight yuuta who doesn’t speak of it or point it out either way.
“i don’t need a knight,” the lady then says one afternoon, eyes closed as she sips on her most favored flavor of tea under the bright sunlight. knight yuuta is sitting across her, eyes vigilantly watching her every move and ears perked up as if someone is going to ambush her in her own garden — he insisted that the lady enjoy her afternoon tea alone, you see, that he isn’t fit to be sitting on the same table as a lady. but she looked up at him with disinterest that struck his chest, questioning his loyalty to her. he immediately took the only empty seat on the round table.
the duke’s daughter, knight yuuta quickly learns, has a cute side to herself. she keeps him close to her, in the mansion and in the castle, even when she told him that she has no need of him to be around. she takes him to the market, and inside extravagant boutiques that he had never thought that he could enter. and though she has her own lady-in-waiting, she prefers discerning his opinion over hers. knight yuuta does not think of dresses often, and so he carelessly picks ones that he thinks would look best on his lady, and waits just outside the changing room.
but she drags him in, her touch delicate and unforgettable, it’s the first time he’s been touched by those soft hands — she smells of lemon cakes and roses; his lady closes the door and tells him to sit on a chair on the very back of the room. one servant argues — it would be improper for him to see you change, my lady — and she indifferently waves their reasoning away, “he is the only person in this room who has sworn his life to me, wouldn’t it be audacious of me to place my faith on all of you but not him?” as more complaints flows out of the servant’s mouth, his lady raises one hand to silence them and commands another to undo the laces of her dress. that day, knight yuuta learns of the boundaries the lady placed between them — he also learns that the lady has smooth, silky skin, and though his expression is unmoving as he watches her undress to her corset, both hands on his knees forms a fist.
neither knight yuuta nor his lady likes the crown prince very much. he came to learn that the person he is serving is second only to the crown prince, his lady’s inimical fiancé, and that she holds power and influent that most people would not be able to even imagine. knight yuuta knows his lady as one who is loved by all in the duke’s household — and how can one not? his lady, despite her frigid appearance, has the heart of gold that many claims to have, and he is convinced that no one in the kingdom is able to rival neither her elegance nor beauty. and so he wonders, day and night, how is her fate so ill that she is set to marry the wretched prince.
knight yuuta has not ever comment on the countless times his lady hides behind the palace pavilions, shielding herself from leering eyes as she continues to sob and wail quietly into her fragile palms. he has never seen her cry, at all times, he is on the lookout for people that are walking towards them — his gaze is enough to send them away — so that his lady’s dignity would not be tarnished any more than what that bastard prince has commit. he’d kill him, knight yuuta swears, if he isn’t the goddamned crown prince, he’d slit his throat wide open for making his lady cry.
why would anyone choose another woman than his lady? why would anyone openly flaunt their choice in picking arrogant and crude ladies to be their partner? doing so is one thing, but letting his lady catch them in the middle of coition is another. she is trying her best to fit in the mold of the perfect king’s wife, and the crown prince insists lazing around with no inch of grace in his body, even knight yuuta, who comes from a lowly origin, knows better than to exhibit infidelity even in a political driven engagement.
his lady asks him to accompany her to a nighttime tea one evening, and who is knight yuuta to refuse? the underlying sparks in her eyes isn’t present, her voice is low under flickering candlelight as she brings her cup to her lips. “you’re the only one i can trust, sir yuuta,” she says without precipitating movements, “you are my only friend.” that night, yuuta stabs his blade through the chest of a man who tried to bring a knife up to his lady’s face in her own garden. though his lady is unmoving, she lifts her gaze to the sky as the assassin breathes his last breath, “the crown prince has trivialized my knight.” as yuuta peers up at his lady, his eyes widen in overwhelming exalt — she looks magnificent.
trips to town has become a weekly occurrences for yuuta and his lady; her favorite hobby is to dress in regular clothings and prance down the marketplace, making him carry all her luggages. the downtown theater is her best loved place — a new short play every week is to be presented, with new songs and new tricks. his lady loves stories, and yuuta loves watching her eyes light up at every twist the play would offer. though that evening, his lady’s melancholic frown seeps pass her defenses, and he immediately recognizes the presence of the crown prince three rows under where they are sitting — in his arm is another lover yuuta does not recognize.
as his hand creeps to the hilt of his sword, his lady stood up. she is silent, as always, trying her best to not be the center of attention, as she makes her way out the exit. all thoughts of harming the crown prince escapes his mind — his lady is all that matters, after all. he follows her to the empty night streets, hand flying out to catch her wrist; yuuta disobeys his lady for the first time and did not let go even when she tries to pry him off. she refuses to look at him, and he understands, so he tugs her frail body towards his larger one, hand pressing her forehead against his chest.
“i don’t even love him,” as soon as he feels his lady’s sobbings, yuuta pulls them into an alleyway — he will not see her crying face, so no one else can do so. her fingers grip his tunic, tears sopping the material and yuuta can only rock them back and forth as a vain attempt in calming her down. “yuuta, i’m a-always doing my best, i-is that not enough?”
yuuta grits his teeth at the question — he’d kill the crown prince, he swears it. he pulls her from his chest, for the first time, he takes in the sight of her piteous face — her tear-stained cheeks are flushed, eyes swollen, and chest heaving. his heart clenches at the sight, and so, he closes his eyes and brings his large hand to cup her jaws, leaning down to catch her quivering lips with his.
at first, yuuta expects a harsh shove. he expects a slap on his face, or perhaps even a punch. he does not expect for his lady to be melting into the contact; all the tension on his shoulders fades away as he falls in deeper to the kiss, one hand wrapping around her small waist to hold her body closer to his. he can feel her hiccups as she raises her arms to snake around his neck, pulling him down towards her. yuuta knows that he should be careful when it comes to his delicate lady, that he should hold himself back as he is much stronger than she is; and he might have committed a sin when he thrusts her onto the wall.
he silently reprimands his excitement, and while he keeps each hand on her jaw and waist, his dark eyes peered down to his lady, waiting for her to rebuke his actions. but she does not comment on the cold wall or his daring decision — instead, she looks down to her feet, still trying to manage her hiccups, and quietly asks, “are you not going to kiss me again?”
splutters of apologies fly out his lips — he has kissed the crown prince’s fiancé, and while the fear of his own life is not present, yuuta fears for his lady’s. she turns away for a moment, her then erratic breath is now calm and slow, muttering something yuuta does not quite catch. she unhooks her arms from his neck, her soft touch traveling from his neck to the curves of his hard jaws. turning to look at him, shy and timid, his lady grips the base of the hand on her jaw with her smaller ones, tugging it off his face and placing it very carefully on the mound of her breast.
yuuta holds his breath.
the resilient lady keeps her eye contact — he doesn’t know how she does it — and presses her fingers on top of his, making him dig into the fabric and feel his digits drowning in the soft flesh underneath. yuuta does not say a word, he merely does what his lady tells him to do. “you can move,” her pliable voice whispers, and so he does. he takes the initiative to fondle her chest, stepping in closer as he admires how she fits perfectly in his wide palm. the fingers on his hand loosens; his lady takes one thumb to nibble between her teeth as yuuta continues to knead her mound, his breath hot against her face. he was so engrossed in her breast, that when his lady lets out a low sigh, he immediately pulls away.
at an instant, his eyes goes to her face — has he hurt her? he is greeted, however, by his lady’s flushed face (now for an entirely different reason) and her drool pooling on her thumb and on the corner of her pretty lips, threatening to spill out. has her lips always been this plump? yuuta feels his cock hardening against the restraining fabric of his pants as he thinks about how his kiss may be the one making her look so. . . amorous.
“sir yuuta,” his lady whimpers, and he almost flinched at how sultry the complaint sounds. she is so different from the lady he usually serves — so different from the usual bold and prideful woman that she is. yuuta raises his hand back to her chest and she lets out a sigh of relief; his lady looks so small as he towers her, so supple and pliant. is he allowed to do this? is he allowed to see her in such state?
she must have noticed his hesitation. her teeth let go of the thumb in her mouth and she slowly tugs the material of her long skirt to her chest. yuuta let go of her body completely and allows her to exhibit her smooth skin, the fat of her thighs making his head go dizzy even when he’s seen her change so many times. the reveal of her undergarments is slow, but yuuta doesn’t mind, not when his lady is revealing so much of herself to him — her laced underwear cups the shape of her pussy so well, that he almost convinces himself that it’s a sin to be staring for so long.
yuuta swallows the lump in his throat and squats before his lady, the case of his blade clashing against the ground. his face is just inches from her core, breath blowing against her warmth when his lady breaks his trance, “y-you can touch it. if you want.”
he may as well faints. yuuta looks up at his lady who’s intently staring back at him, tense from all that is happening. something tells him that she wants him to touch her, and so he raises one finger — just one, he tries not to be greedy — and presses that finger flat against the length of her slit.
“ngh—“
the responses are all so new for him. he keeps his eyes on his lady as her face rumples into an expression he has never seen her worn — it stirs something inside of him. he wants nothing more but to take his cock out and beat it to the expression she is showing him, but he doesn’t do it. instead, he waits for her cues while occasionally pressing harder on her mound.
“you—“ his lady takes his hand and directs him to a specific spot of her groin; yuuta can feel a bud nestling right there under her underwear, “—you can touch me there.”
yuuta follows her command, and he finds his heart drumming against his chest when his lady’s fingers immediately grips his hair. he places his free hand on her thigh — one he has been longing to hold — and continues pressing her down on the spot she had shown him while occasionally running his finger up and down her slit.
his eyes never leaves his beautiful lady’s face, only glancing to what is in front of him for a moment to see her undergarments getting darker in color when he feels his finger getting wet. yuuta swallows the lump of his throat again — she looks so ravishing, he must say, so inviting. it takes every fiber of his being to not do anything too rash, he wouldn’t want his lady to be uncomfortable around him, but he is only getting more and more close to her pulsating core. her little pants are music to his ears, her little moans of his name — and just his name. they both don’t know what to say in times like this, and yuuta feels content with his lady calling out to him with her velvety voice.
until, of course, something inside of him decides that it’s a good idea to press his lips against the fabric separating his finger and her folds. “yuuta—!” his lady squeals, fingers digging in his scalp as he continues to place flutters of little kisses on her drenched underwear, tasting the sweet slick of his beloved lady. she’s addicting.
yuuta shifts on his feet, angling his face so that he can kiss her better. he uses one finger to pull the fabric aside and let the cool night air breeze against her wet slit. his lady shivers, and he is sure that she is about to say something but his tongue races her, and takes one long lick in between her folds to let her juice run down his tongue. his lips settle on the bud he had felt earlier and slowly sucks on her glistening clit.
noises that his lady makes after he does that is different. though she was panting before, she didn’t do so in a way that is so. . . exhilarating. he is rock hard now, sucking on her throbbing clit, squelching sounds that fill him with delight entering his ears easily. she is so so wet, sopped in her own slick for him.
“y-yuuta—“
he loves her. he really do. yuuta does not lower the intensity of his sucking, and instead, only grips her hips to support her body against the wall once he feels her knees trembling from either side of his body. she’s muttering all sorts of things now, telling him how he feels so good, how his tongue is making her feel so hot.
“yuuta— i’m gonna, i—“
his sweet lady cannot finish her sentence — she is cut off by her own gushing, juice flowing to make a mess on his chin as he continues eating her out, tongue poking at the sensitive button between her folds. she’s trying so hard to keep her voice down, yuuta can tell, biting the back of her hand as she throws her head on the wall. her hips convulses so hard against his face, grinding down on him.
yuuta does not stop. he keeps on lapping up her cum, obsessed with the taste of her honeyed slick as he tugs on her clit softly with his lips, silently begging her to give him more.
“s’enough—“ his lady’s words fall on deaf ears, yuuta keeps slurping up her juice until she finally pushes his head away. “e-enough, sir yuuta!”
yuuta blinks up at her — drowning in the sight of her post orgasm: sweat drenching down her face and neck, chest heaving with massive draws of breath, her hair disheveled and messy (quite unfitting for a lady), and her face somewhat debauched. he made her look like that, a sense of burning pride flares up in his chest, he’s the only one to see his lady like that.
remnants of her juice dribbles down his chin on his throat, and yuuta unconsciously scoops it up with a finger to put in his mouth, indulging himself in another taste of her sweet slick. his lady sees this and looks away, muttering about how indecent he is being. he cannot help the small smirk slipping on his lips as he wipes his face free of her wetness. he stands up, not making a move though his eyes lingers on her chest — he stares longer, more than he usually would and wonders what would his lady’s tits look like under all these article of clothings, and would she ever let him suck on them.
she drops the skirt from her hand, crossing her arms under her chest — perhaps to tease him, or to coax him even further — as her cool expression returns to her face. she still looks embarrassed, face still flushed with her hair sticking firmly on her forehead with sweat, but yuuta does not point it out.
instead, he simply offers her his hand when she says, “take me back to the mansion.” he does not mention too, of course, the way she stumbles in her steps, slightly limping, as they walk back home.
458 notes · View notes
opluffys · 4 years
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What We Aren’t- Killer x Reader
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this took me so long cuz i had no motivation to write it... i fucking love killer but i’m so lazy lol. i hate this but there’s not that many fics for him, so enjoy? idk i’ve been unhappy with my writing for a while ughhh. please enjoy even though it’s bad! *please let me know if something looks off in the writing, sometimes it copies weird!!*
-smut/nsfw-
You sat perched upon your small, uncomfortable office chair, calmly awaiting a very important call. All you had been doing this entire day was waiting, for that damn transponder snail to ring. How long does it take to read over one single paper and respond back?
Being a member of a Supernova's crew meant a lot of injuries, you were no fool, no. You knew the toll it'd take on you as a surgeon to become Kid's ship doctor. One would take a look at you and assume you had enjoyed the challenge, the thrill of getting a new patient under the operating table each hour with something new wrong with them.
No, that was not the case, not at all.
Goodness, you adored being a surgeon, of course! Holding that scalpel and practically slicing people open always made you giddy. A sadistic surgeon, guess that's what people would pinpoint you as. But those were just simple perks of being the ship doctor on the Victoria Punk.
The real treat was the second in command.
Every time you weren't blinded by the lights in the operating room, you would steal glances at the attractive man. How mysterious he was just did wonders for you...
Over the years that you had stayed, you obviously had made advances. You wouldn't say that Killer always had women throwing themselves at him, they must be blind, though. So of course when you hinted that you wanted him in a more, intimate, manner, he at times accepted.
The two of you were not in a relationship, in fact, the two of you had barely exchanged any words to one another. Even though you always treated his wounds with utmost care, and not a word was said. Just a simple thanks and he was on his way.
You didn't care, though. You were not, by any means, looking for a long term relationship. You did not have the time for that, and you probably never would, if you were to continue your role as a surgeon, that was all you could focus on.
You scribbled notes down messily, crossing names out on the list quickly. While you waited for the transponder snail to ring, you decided to doodle a list. It wasn't important, not in the slightest. But you wanted to see how each crew member had gotten injured and where. It wouldn't help, but it was fun to see such a thing.
You heard the door swing open, being caught just in time in order not to bang against the wall. You were about to yell at whoever burst inside in such a way, but then you saw that familiar mass of fluffy blonde hair.
"Well, hello." You said, settling back into the chair, hearing it give a weak squeak in response to any weight put onto it. You really needed to get a new chair.
Killer grunted in response, and a small sigh left your lips. At times, you would question why he wasn't so talkative like the rest of the crew.
You quickly ripped the list that you had made, tossing it in the nearest trash bin you could find. You figured now would be a time to make an actual list you would use, not one that would bring you petty amusement.
"So, what do you need? You don't look injured, and I only do surgeries. So go over to the others if you have a scratch you need checked." You said, scribbling more unreadable words down.
"Since when do you only do surgeries?" You heard an unfamiliar voice pipe in. In question, you rose your head from the notes over to the voice you heard. After seeing a random lackey holding bandages, you scoffed and gave an eye roll.
"Too many on this ship come to me everyday to go under my operating table. You know that? Imagine if I had to take care of everyone else who came to me with a runny nose crying for dear life. I'd go insane." You said, relaxing your skilled hands in your lap, smiling proudly. Of course you would end up helping anyone who wandered into your office regardless. You knew nobody else could take care of anyone like you.
You shooed the young boy out of the office, who smiled in return to your words, not believing a thing, he knew how soft you were.
You groaned loudly, putting your head against the table. Why couldn't you be a mean pirate like your captain? Refusing any with a small bruise on their arm. It's your own damn fault, being too nice to the crew members, acting like their damn mother.
You then returned to take your notes.
"I need painkillers."
You nearly had a heart attack.
"You're gonna fucking end me..!" You gasped, feeling your heart beat quicken.
You calmed down quickly, your heart still beating quite quickly. Not because of how scared you were, but because of who was in front of you.
"Why?"
"I've been feeling a little sore and tense lately." Killer replied, leaning on the wall.
You laughed, bringing your hand to your mouth. "I can give you painkillers for that, but it can easily go away by a simple massage." You said, kicking your legs up onto the table. Hell, it was disrespectful, but it was your office. You could do whatever the fuck you wanted here.
"And I think I could help you out with that." You added, sounding a little suggestive about a simple favour to a friend, if you could call him such a thing.
"I thought you only did surgeries..?" He said, and you could've swore you heard a slight teasing undertone. Sly bastard...
You didn't bother a reply, you did not want to bicker with the man. Especially at a time where just a look at him paired with the sound of his voice would ignite your entire body on fire.
You sauntered over to him, urging him to take a seat. He did so, and you knew your chair couldn't take his mass of muscles for very long.
"Your shirt." You said from your place behind him. You were sure the both of you knew he didn't really need his shirt off. But ugh, that back of his...
You obviously were not a masseuse, but how hard could it be?
You dipped your fingers into his skin lightly, pushing harder when he didn't say anything to put a stop to you.
After around thirty or so minutes, you could've cooked anything with just the temperature of your skin. You were dying to be under the man in front of you, harsh nail markings sporting his sculpted back.
You leaned in a little closer, pressing your lips against the nape of his neck. He immediately stiffened, not being used to such a loving gesture.
"So? How does it feel now?" You questioned, spinning him around to view you.
You took a seat on his thighs, a much better place to be seated than your chair.
"I hope I made you feel at least a little better. It would hurt my reputation if one of my patients left without being helped, even just a bit." You grinned, hands roaming all over his built chest.
His breath hitched as you began to move your hips against him, feeling his hands attach to you.
"Now?" Killer questioned, not seeming to protest against any of your actions.
"Why not? I've been awaiting a call, but it looks like that idiot forgot about it."
It seems as if that were all the affirmation he needed, because soon after you said that, you were pushed harshly against your own desk, a surprised squeak coming from you.
Your garments were ripped off with haste, a lazy smile spread across your reddened lips.
Within seconds, you were just an utter mess. You always questioned how he always knew what your body had craved from him.      
He quickly pushed your soaked panties aside, sliding his fingers against your slick folds. You bit your lip to try to prevent any unwanted noise from leaving you, but just the sheer skill he had was too much for you.
Your cheek was against the desk, your mouth slightly agape. Such a lewd face you had made, and all he had done was a little teasing.
"So wet already. What have we done that was exciting?"
You whimpered in response, pushing your hips back in hopes of feeling his fingers, or rather, something else, fill your insides.
You felt his presence flush against your back, "Or maybe," he pushed his fingers inside agonizingly slow, nearly causing your death, "this had been on your mind the entire day?"
Fuck, this man was a master at reading people.
Your hands were balled into fists, nails creating marks on your soft palm. You didn't want to give in, you didn't want to beg, but your mind was beginning to disagree with your pride.
"No. That's not the case..." You gasped, feeling his thick fingers curling inside of you, "Hmm, I don't like liars. But, I do like watching you squirm."
"All you have to do is tell me the truth, come on. I know you can do it." Sick bastard. Fuck him. Yeah, you didn't need him, you could finish yourself off, if needed.
"I already told you," You took a deep breath, feeling him move behind you with ill intentions, "all that I've done today was wait for a call. Then, I'd seen you... My thoughts had run for a little, that's all."
Yeah right! Like he'd believe such a thing! This seems like a child who took something they shouldn't. It wasn't your fault, you weren't working properly. Your mind had become wired on feeling Killer inside of you, and that's what you had needed.
You heard shuffling behind you, followed by the removal of his digits. You grumbled unhappily, was he really hellbent on you admitting something that didn't matter? You were both adults, and adults were supposed to get mad behind closed doors. Yup.
While you had been lost in thought, you felt his tip press against your dripping entrance. Finally! About time! You almost broke out in song you were so happy.
You won this little dispute.
Actually, no. You didn't.
He pushed himself inside rather slowly, cock snug against your velvety walls. You expected him to start moving, or at least do anything. But nope.
Nothing.
"Seriously..." You mumbled, trying to move back into him, obviously he didn't allow this, hands stopping any of your ministrations.
This is fine. You were going to be okay like this. You weren't going to give up. You wanted to be a pirate, so you couldn't just rip your pride to shreds.
You knew he couldn't last longer than you. He would crack eventually, and you would triumph. In this case, it was seen as the opposite.
"You really can't admit it, can you?"
No! You couldn't! It wasn't the truth... Mhm, just keep telling yourself that.
You knew he obviously didn't care, he just loved to see you have an internal meltdown. He would use anything and everything he could against you. You could practically hear the 'teehee' come from the bastard.
He took a seat on your tiny chair, bringing you with him while the chair squeaked in discomfort. Now sitting upright on him, oh this wasn't good for you. You could feel him deeper inside of you and you craved more. You craved sweet friction of any kind.
You squeezed around him tightly, trying to ease him into forgetting about this little feud.
You heard his breathing become slightly uneven after that, you grinned, you had an ace up your sleeve.
"What kind of monster takes teasing to such a level?" You politely asked, slightly raising your hips. He wasn't able to stop you in time as you sank onto him slowly.
He was so heavy inside of you, you couldn't take it anymore. You wanted him to fuck you until your mind stopped working. You just got a little taste of what you could have, and you wanted more, you wanted it all.
"How about we take a rain check on this. I think we're both a little needy today." You smiled, you're such a genius. This way, you didn't lose. No, you won. You wanted to tell him to suck it, but you had boundaries.
"Fine. But next time, don't expect me to give in so easily." He sighed, getting a better grip on your hips.
You turned around briefly, seating yourself back onto him. You always secretly enjoyed being so close to him, hearing his heartbeat in an irregular way. Maybe it was because you were so close. Your face heated up a bit, no, that couldn't be it. You placed you hands on his chest gently, "You can move now." You braced yourself for a second, at times, the two of you had gotten a bit rough. You didn't mind, as long as the both of you enjoyed it, you were happy.
He lifted you slightly, you felt a little empty for a moment but sighed blissfully when you felt him back inside.
This was an odd pace... Almost like he was taking how you felt in consideration. Usually you fucked like animals, but this? This was more of a lovers pace. Even the way he held you, it was gentle, for such a large man you hadn't thought he could hold you in such a way.
Maybe he was still teasing, going at a slower pace than you were used to. You could wait a little, at least he was moving now. Your head made contact with his chest, a slightly more comfortable pose for you.
How awkward for him! Your soft hands at his chest lovingly, your face against him while he slowly pumped inside of you... This is what lovers would do, not people who just wanted a quick session... He almost imagined you looking up at him with teary eyes, mumbling an 'I love you'.
He too, felt his face warm. It was such an uncomfortable feeling for someone who didn't welcome such emotions.
A small part of you somewhat enjoyed this, being next to him like this. You wished you could feel his lips plush against your own at this very moment. You smiled while in thought.
He looked down at you through the holes in his mask, he didn't expect such a serene look on you..! You had been liked this, hadn't you? Holding him while you had sighed and whimpered with want.
He took no time to pull out of you, flip you the other way, so you were, once again, facing the desk. He shoved himself inside, pounding into you at a more wanted rate.
All of this has happened very fast. Literally blink of an eye. You had no time to adjust whatsoever, from a slow and leisurely pace, to harsh snapping of the hips.
The expression on your face was priceless, but also very vulgar. The illusion of lovers was wiped away instantly, meaningless pleasure filling its slot.
Your muscles had stopped supporting you, your body nearly becoming lifeless. You silently depended on Killer to keep your body from not falling off of the desk. You laughed imagining this actually happening.
Your eyes screwed shut while your lips had only been able to form, 'yes yes yes!'. You knew his ego was through the roof right now, having a girl under him screaming for more.
And you were right, spot on, actually.
Again, Killer didn't always have women offering themselves to him. You however, would happily flock to him anytime he felt like he needed to relieve some stress.
He looked down at you again, seeing your greedy cunt swallow his cock with urgency put him in a trance. Fuck you took him too good. It was literally as if you were the missing piece to his life.
The way your insides clenched around his length every single time he moved a single muscle, paired with your small and delicate moans... He felt like he'd break you in an instant at such a pace. But he knew you could take it, he wanted you to take all of him every time the two of you do this.
Tears came out of your closed eyes due to the intensity your body was undergoing. It felt fucking phenomenal to be stretched and filled and body bent while being pushed into the uncomfortable wood of the desk. God, you nearly unraveled right there.
Your grip on the desk tightened, knuckled turning a burning white. You couldn't go on forever, you knew that. But with the earlier teasing, you were going to be finished soon.
"Oh fuck yes... Right there fuck yes!!" You screamed, the feeling of pleasure skyrocket when he brushed against that sweet bundle of nerves inside.
"Right here, huh..?" He hummed, large hand caressing the curve of your ass. You panted and whispered something even you didn't know in response. You were just broken at this point.
You were certainly not prepared for when he continued to slam into that desired spot over, and over, and- oh fuck you couldn't handle this shit.
Your orgasm hit you fucking hard, you felt lifeless. Completely and utterly dead.
Seeing you moan and whimper desperately beneath him was, simply, hot as fuck to Killer. The way your body silently begged for more with every thrust, you lightly convulsing and squeezing him when you had gotten close, and the sudden outburst when you had finished... It just kept replaying in his head over, and over, and- oh fuck he couldn't handle this shit.
A deep grunt left him and he pushed deep inside of you again, a quiet whimper coming from you since you were so sensitive. His tip giving a final kiss to your insides, and finally sealing his hot release in you.
You mumbled incoherently while you struggled to get up, trying to pull on your panties.
"Woah, no need to waste." He grinned, pushing a finger into your entrance, keeping his cum inside.
You lightly fell onto his lap, not knowing he'd still stimulate your exhausted nerves. You turned your head into his hard chest and nearly cried.
"Don't be an asshole..." You muttered lowly, looking up at him, "Someone might come in and see."
"So? Maybe it's a kink of yours..." He replied, voice slightly hinting a mischievous undertone.
You snickered, rolling your eyes. When he wasn't so scary, he was quite pleasant to be around.
"Maybe... We might explore some of your kinks too." You giggled, feeling him stiffen at your response. Usually after sex the two of you would go separate ways. You would never bask in the afterglow with him, at least not this long. Talking so casually, too.
You were scared at what the two of you shouldn't become. This was a dangerous life, you couldn't get attached.
And finally the fucking phone rang.
It was as you hadn't just had the best sex of your life, finally this idiot had done what you asked. Who the hell knows why it took him so long.
"Yes? Hello?" You answered, getting off of your comfortable seat, which had been Killer, and leant against the desk.
"What a fucking view..." He mumbled to himself. It seemed that you had forgotten to put your garments on, just how important was this call?
You faked a laugh, this fucker said he went to the wrong island. How. How did that happen..? You would be sure to give him hell when he came back.
"It's okay! It's okay, I'm not mad!" Yeah, you're fucking seething. He was lucky you got remarkable sex out of this.
"Yes, please tell me how much they want for it? Also don't forget to try to swindle them for it, okay? I know you're a shy bastard but you can do it!" You said into the phone. He better get your herbs. You need these stupid little fucking plants or else you couldn't make your medicine.
"Holy shit, that's a lot of money... Well can you try-"
Oh he did not just.
While you were on the phone.
Your assistant constantly asked if you were okay, a shaky answer leaving your red lips.
"Hold on a second sweetie." You said calmly into the phone, acting like you didn't once again, have a huge cock deep inside of you.
"While I'm talking to someone? You couldn't fucking wait?" You whispered, bending slightly. This man had no shame, he wanted you to take it all, clearly.
"Let's see how quiet you can be." He retorted, not even acting like he'd done anything wrong. "Fine, just don't move too much. I don't want anyone on the other line figuring out that we're doing something so scandalous... It's quite rude to do so on the phone." You sighed, removing your hand off of the receiver.
You actually held up quite well, rocking side to side a bit while holding a normal conversation with the shop keeper, haggling about a price. You were so proud of yourself!
“No, put the price lower that’s way too... Too, ah..! Oh fuck..!” You yelled, feeling his large thumb rub harsh circles into your clit. Now everyone knew what you were doing, fucking great.
“Aww, and you were doing so well.” He chuckled, watching you shake under him. You didn’t bother saying anything back to him, too far gone in your own pleasure to care.
How embarrassing... You could try to cover this up, but you don’t know if that would end up well...
“Yes, yes I’m fine... Just stubbed my toe...” You laughed nervously, biting your lip not to let any unwanted noises out.
“How sly.” He smiled, hidden admiration in his voice. You gave him a quick middle finger, cursing at him a couple of times.
“Yeah thanks sweetheart. I’m gonna hang up now okay? Yeah, bye bye.” You spoke, not even hearing anything your assistant had said. You were focused on feeling another great climax, and certainly didn’t care about the price of the plant any longer.
“You’re so fucking wet...”
“Yeah, I wonder why.” Cue the eye roll, “I guess I was right? This is one of your kinks, isn’t it?” He grinned, pushing his cock deeper inside of your warm walls.
“You gonna finish inside of me without warning again?” You muttered, exhaling a shaky breath.
“Only if you want it babe.”
Oh. Oh he had called you babe. Names like those? Oh fuck now you were gonna get attached, and... And...
And maybe that’s okay.
“Fill me up.” You moaned, letting out a gasp of his name that you had chanted like a prayer.
You sure as hell didn’t need to tell him twice.
•Bonus•
“Hey,” You looked up at Killer, hugging him under the sheets, “I think I like you.” You sighed, worried for his answer. You had a feeling the worst thing that could happen was a simple no, but hopefully you wouldn’t lose the sex.
He took his warm hands off of you, which you took as a no towards your earlier statement. You felt a tinge of embarrassment, but since you were so tired, you also didn’t care.
He lifted his mask just so his painted lips were shown, he quickly captured your lips in his own and you felt the sparks fly. You initially thought that it was just sexual, but during the day when you had thought of him, goodness, you were oblivious to your own feelings.
“Really now? You’re not just using me for the sex, are you?” He whispered, voice husky and deep in your ear. You reached to scratch his goatee lightly, “Who knows.” You pressed your lips against his once again, sitting upwards and quickly growing hot. Who knew a make out session would be this hot? The mans got mystery, that’s some extra points right there.
“I think I like you too.”
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magical-agatha · 2 years
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i wanted to say that hearing u talk about mlp has inspired me to rewatch and finally catch up on the show and it's been a great time so far. im on season 7 and trixie w starlight is so cute, i thought this whole time it was just a popular ship i had no idea it was basically canon lol
oh fuck yeah!!!!!! congrats im so glad ur enjoying it!!! theres like, quite a lot of gay women in that show its one of the cooler parts. but i also love how like, they dont just reset to the status quo all the time, things that happen matter and come up again later. they rly do a good job of making it feel like a real world that the creators respect. its such a good show. im so glad its having a renaissance. it rly deserves to be seen and appreciated and taken seriously. its like, so good. i do find myself wishing quite a lot that i could go back in time a couple years and like, catch the tail end of the popularity boom. bc now im an adult with control over her life and i want like, pony things but all the merch is like, lost to time mostly TwT. feels like archaeology... and theres like, a handful of fan projects ive uncovered that have been abandoned that i really wish i could have seen at their height. the main one being a really passionately made MtG fan set based on mlpfim. the person making it approached it trying to emulate official sets in terms of like, sincerity and fleshing out the setting and story through the cards, and rather than just using screenshots from the show they actually got like, artists from the fandom to make art they could use for the cards. its like, not perfect bc it was made by only one person, but its rly cool and i can see viscerally how much passion they poured into it. its called Nightfall in Equestria, in case anyone's wondering. but its almost impossible to find online, the official website went down in 2017 but luckily someone archived the cards on a site called PonyMTG. unfortunately the archive is like, very minimal, and the card image quality is the very bare minimum mediocre jpg. ive been working on getting it into a state where anyone could play it digitally, but its hard work and the guides for formatting everything arent great TwT. need to get in touch with the creator and like, ask if i have his permission to go full steam and resurrect his set but idk if ill be able to get in touch with him.
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swimfuel · 3 years
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okay humanstuck thoughts under the cut
i owe a lot of this to @/rhythmic-idealist's kankri/vantasposting bc holy shit theyve got such a big brain (ill link to their individual posts when im on desktop since im using this to keep all my thoughts straight and i agree with most of what they say wholeheartedly)
general status quo stuff:
signless works in an extremely demanding career involving helping others (i'm leaning towards an attorney who works with organizations and does pro bono work), and is also extensively involved in social justice work outside of his job... he is very rarely home
he loves and cares for his children deeply and tries to express it whenever they're face to face, but the couch in his cramped and messy office has seen far too much use over the years for him to have been able to say it enough
his habits of working himself to the point of exhaustion are handily passed down to his kids btw
the kids had to grow up quickly because signless was out of the house so often and so consistently—kankri, who was already pretty high-strung, has to learn to take care of himself and karkat
they grow up near ms firuzeh maryam, who's their pseudoaunt/grandma (she took in a nine year old kavana vantas when she was about twenty), but they just call her ms rosa
they spent a lot of time in the maryam house growing up, with miss rosa's two nieces. porrim is a year older than kankri, while kanaya and karkat are the same age
kankri grows kinda sensitive to people trying to mother him since it rubs against the notion that he's the "adult of the house" and that he can take care of himself and karkat just fine
(and it also kinda underlines the fact that kankri has no idea what he's doing at the best of times)
and ironically enough, kankri becomes overbearing and naggy towards karkat in his own right, which forestalls them becoming close in any brotherly sort of way
they grow up really just... unable to communicate with one another clearly
karkat develops his ornery exterior in response to kankri's constant stream of opinions and frantic attempts at making up for the presence of a guardian in the house
i think there would actually be some really interesting parallels with rose in this au.. maybe i'm drawing from my own experiences as well but i think he'd begin to assume that every time his brother opens his mouth, he's going to criticize karkat
but instead of reacting like rose with the "making yourself more of a puzzle"/passive aggressive stuff, he gets a more defensive/hackles raised/"argue with you before you can argue with me" approach
and the thing is that they do love each other and would take a bullet for the other etc etc etc.. but they don't know how to express it because they've fallen into these shitty patterns
and it really doesn't help that kankri has grown somewhat resentful of signless over the years... that mix of resentment and fear and love gets more extreme and more polar every time signless gets injured during a political demonstration
i think kankri and signless would also be slightly closer than karkat and signless, as signless' job really only started to ramp up when karkat was less than years old and kankri was in his early double digits
kankri autistic btw its word of god (i am god)
karkat has a pet crab. its name is also karkat. he vents his frustrations to it.
i feel like the vantases exemplify both the best and worst parts of their aspects with one another as well... the strength of their bonds keeps them together and grounded, but TOO grounded. [insert Blood rant here]
the Blood rant:
i define Blood as bonds, responsibility, and the "core". if Life is the fertile soil and everything living on a planet's surface, then Blood is the gravitational core of the planet keeping everything together
i also think Blood, Heart, & Mind work in tandem to define a person just as blood serves to connect the pieces of the human body... Heart is the soul and the self, Mind is the application of one's self through active choices (agency), while Blood defines both the self and the choices one makes in greater detail [and, as an aside, Life provides the physical spark of life needed to keep the heart pumping blood]
OKAY wow that got tangential anyways
SO BASICALLY! too much Blood makes you stagnate, so for example:
kankri is split between staying home with karkat or going to college across the country and being truly unbound for the first time in years
another crisis of Blood: signless is caught between his empathy and responsibility to the whole world and his responsibility to his own children
okay so here's more status quo stuff:
the maryam and vantas kids grow up together and its hilarious because you'll see them all together and its just like (girlboss) (girlboss) (physical manlet) (emotional manlet)
the maryam girls are actually miss rosa's nieces but she took them in when they were both pretty young
the pyropes know the vantases well enough considering pyrope senior and sign have known one another from their respective legal practices for years, but they live on the other side of town
the leijons lived in town when kankri and meulin were very young, but they moved and travelled for a long time before coming back and reestablishing their roots
the captors (psii being one of sign's oldest and closest friends) move into town with the peixes family pretty early on though
the condesce is.. a horrible spouse and guardian, to put it plainly. she's very emotionally manipulative and isn't averse to smacking people around, including her own family. she moves herself and her perfect little family into town so she can properly oversee a new business venture close by
feferi is one of the best young swimmers in the country and has a pretty good shot of getting onto the olympic team.. a lot of this drive to be perfect and to be better results from the condesce's unrelenting pressure and thinly veiled resentment throughout her whole life
so yeah psii, )(ic, feferi, and sollux all live together and it's really not great for anyone involved. (meenah ran away years ago, and crashed on aranea's couch for a pretty long while���mituna moved out with latula for college before psii and the condesce got married)
it gets bad to the point of sollux staying with the maryams for two months while the adults try to sort out that absolute clusterfuck and get the divorce proceedings going (meenah finally convinces feferi to get out and come stay with her and aranea for the duration as well)
in terms of relationships i think latula and porrim were really really close in high school, and probably had some kind of unacknowledged thing going on for a while that never actually turned into anything because latula and mituna were going steady
kankri has had a crush on latula for years but never acted on it for similar reasons
meenah still carries a lot of that give no fucks attitude (it's developed moreso as a defense mechanism here) and can't understand why feferi refuses to leave the condesce with her
okay back to VANTAS MANPAIN i also think that karkat feels the weight of a lot of expectations on his shoulders as well
he feels responsible to live up to the example his dad and his brother set, even if it's to his own detriment—and kankri's oblivious rambling about his grades and his teachers and all his clubs certainly aren't helping the matter
kankri is one of those overinvolved kids taking a million AP's while simultaneously shitting on the collegeboard at every single step
hes this super overachiever anal retentive perfectionist type dude and (just as karkat preemptively criticizes others to forestall their criticisms of him only to harshly criticize himself) kankri subconsciously holds the people around him to the same expectations he holds for himself
so karkat also develops this sense of lacking which, in combination with everything else, culminates in self loathing and thinking he has to solve everyone else's problems and getting horribly mad at himself for every little mistake
GOD i have a lot more but lemme post this before i accidentally close out of the app and lose it all
more little details:
vriska's mom and terezi's mom HATE each other like HATE HATE HATE one another it's so bad
karkat wrote a ten page review of my immortal in middle school
jade is one of nepeta's best online friends
sollux can't raise one eyebrow at a time.. karkat gives him so much grief about it
the vantases eat a lot of shitty renditions of persian dishes until karkat learns to cook because literally the only person in the world with a CHANCE of getting KANKRI VANTAS to make an EDIBLE DISH is miss rosa
kanaya is really good at persian dance too but is VERY VERY embarassed to perform in front of people.. however porrim definitely is not
karkat has insomnia while kankri just stays up stupidly late for assignments that really shouldnt be taken that seriously.. but they both have the same rumination/sleep anxiety thing where your brain goes insane with horrible and depressing scenarios as you try to sleep
and more ideas that i thought were interesting but idk how to fit in the context of this au:
signless and disciple getting married pretty late in life after having been in love for years, the vantases move in with the leijons and karkat suddenly has two sisters
nepeta and karkat are both juniors at this point, meulin is probably in her third year at a local college nearby while kankri is about to start his second year at a university pretty far away
the kids in general honestly but ill figure it out
more random hcs this time with kids:
kanaya and rose get into a flame war online that gradually settles into elaborate courtship rituals
also nepeta + jade online besties
also bec can inexplicably still teleport
the first sbahj movie comes out and the next six months of dave strider junior's high school career are absolute hell
actually hc that dave senior goes by d strider professionally. the d stands for a lot of things
aradia and dave frequent a lot of the same forums but never end up really interacting
meanwhile karkat and john frequent a lot of the same forums and DEFINITELY end up interacting. this turns into grudging (at least on karkat's part) friendship after they find themselves fighting for their lives defending an objectively shitty movie together on the same thread
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engaardesque · 3 years
Text
whadda hell 400(and TEN . . . ) followers . . uhhh idk funny event time i guess ! i can draw stuff for u guys if you want !
uhhh ill do color palette stuff , which is under my #color curiosity tag !
ill just do normal doodles , too either digital or traditional , funny or serious, doesn't matter rlly !
thats p much it unless u guys want like . aesthetics or icons too ✌
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tobebugjewce · 3 years
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THE WALTEN FILES: my jumbled notes on my blind run-in with this web series
first off this is gonna be long and unorganized, also this is my second time writing this as i had lost literally half of my progress and im This (imagine two fingers almost touching with a 0.0000000001mm distance between them) close to ripping all of the fucking hair out of my goddamn head. but now this will be extra long and yes, i will lose some accuracy to my first writing but thats okay ill probably edit this a kajillion times over
which brings me to my next tangent; im literally braindumping here. so to have a smidge of organization all afterthoughts, edits and corrections will be boldened, i forgot what im gonna do with italicized text but ill probably bolden it here yeah im pretty sure its for side tangents, separate from Corrections, which are in bold. also theyre for emphasis too.
so in general, this post right here is all of my notes i wrote down on my grid-patterned sticky notes (which i used WAYYYY too much of) about the first 3 uploaded walten files youtube videos transferred onto my handy dandy digital notebook, this b(l)og. yeppers peppers. you know im serious about this shit when i typed probably over like a thousand fucking words including boldened shit, italicized shit and motherfucking links, lost it ALL, and im sitting here re-typing it again.
i feel bad about this but im not gonna trigger warn right here, but this is technically a warning. if you want a list of triggers as to what this post (and the walten files in general) i will link a little list to that here
without further a doo doo, (mama mia) here the fucking fuck we go again.
THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #1
clarifying this now, im gonna put some useless shit which i thought was code onto this because even though it was useless it was part of my notes and im physically going to combust if i dont put down every single thing i wrote on my papers. so what i thought was code was in the closed captions, i started writing it down when i got to the second video but came back to my first videos notes to include them. i wrote down the first letter to every word that was capitalized in the closed captions, which i had on as a default because number one i knew going into this id need them because most web horror things like args and cryptic shit like that has some of the most crucial shits in the closed captions. number two i am autistic and have auditory processing issues and have most closed captioning on as a default if theyre available.
firstly jotted, i wrote down the closed captions “code” so im gonna put the rest here too: HYWITB(BSI)Y A(BSI)BJWFKWITW ILHHFSBBSBTLBWI USOISTBNBSFIRBCAWHSHCBWHTAIGRNB*C*BTWLTSFA(20)MCFP ILITIIACPH(1978, 1979)SA(4)YTSCH*C*OGSSU SFTGRPATDBBUTFBNLLCHMIHLBRALLCLAYTUKB*LC*WHATWASTHATTHING 
the numbers in parenthesis are there because i wasnt sure they should be included in the “code” or not. i also thought of this with the BSI - bunny smiles incorporated and also the years 1978 and 1979. the shits in asterisks are coughs and light coughs, which were capitalized in the closed captions so i included them too just in case
i then jotted, in parenthesis of course, the names of the animatronics when they were listed in the animation section of the video; bon aka the blue bunny, sha aka the sheep one, boozoo aka the clown<3 honk<33, and banny aka the purpled eyelashed up one who is also a bunny btw. also i got boozoo the clown and boozoo the mustache guy confused because apparently the clowns name is billy???? but they named “boozoo” in bons sleepover and showed the clown? idk maybe im an idiot and theyre the same or just an idiot and theyre different or a super mega (matt and ryan?!?!??) idiot in general which is probably the case
i started drawing little stars to write down things i thought would be super important or to 100% look at again. the first subject of this pointy torture was the part of the video where at 3:00, i marked it down to make sure to reverse the audio as it was most definitely a weird audio that has that signature warp-y effect that makes sure you KNOW its in reverse. i then listened back to it Very carefully (still got it wrong) and got this: “you finally start to remember. that old doll. they will look out for you soon” im also pretty sure i heard “sophie” at the end of that audio but im not entirely sure and dont remember and i dont wanna go back to check lmfao but anyways it didnt matter because i was wrong anyway. after i had finished all 3 walten files i watched the film theory video on the walten files (which didnt cover all 3 but was dece.) out of curiosity and to hear matpats signature silly little voice explain some stuff i already knew, and click some shit in my brain that i couldve thought up of if i was a bit more... i dont know honestly. anyways yeah so the actual audio is “you finally start to remember. that old day. they will look out for you soon.” so yeah. day, not doll.
i then wrote down “sarah evelyn”, the name on the bons sleepover animation (i dont remember if she created it or animated it or whatnot) and scribbled will she matter? under her name. turns out no, as i didnt see her name in the rest of the series, let alone the first video. this is also a great time to mention how matpat theory helped me realize that the walten files are collections of videos, uploaded onto youtube by anthony. (i already knew about anthony as he signed his name in the descriptions of the youtube videos, making me categorize this overall web series more into an arg type genre.) but yes, the tapes, recorded “irl” footage, animated clips, vhs tape recordings and other audio-visual content is all collected and labeled the walten files, as i had mistaken each video to be a tape. stupid me. alrighty, onward!
i starred this one, good for me; MISSING: Jack Walten LAST SEEN: 06/11/1974
i jotted down with an arrow that; sophie was a nightguard? she was wearing the uniform explained in tape 2 i dont know why but i went back into my video 1 notes after i had watched video 2. organization purposes. i guess.?? 
i then paused the video when the screen flickered a date, the beginning of video footage dated 10/10/1982 (Brian Stells?) god my little genius ass assuming the videographer was brian stells, based on the id card i saw earlier.
i then wrote down what text i saw on the dead, mangled, bloody body in the purple security suit; “i cant feel anything” “he thought i was her” then drew a little arrow pointing to; thought brian was sophie? or ashley? i also starred the name Brian Stells this is totally out of order LMFAOOOOOOOO also i wrote down ashley because, again, my little pea brain went back on my video 1 notes after watching video 2. but yep thats all i wrote for The Walten Files 1 - Company Introductory Tape
THE WALTEN FILES - VIDEO #2 
Tape #1 - created 07/02/1978
awesome how thats first and foremost in the captions. god. so sexy of you martin walls. /j /nsx
this pack of notes is chunkier because again, like i have mentioned before i am an absolute goober and thought the capitalized letters of the words would actually mean something. I MEAN MAYBE THEY DO AND IM JUST DOING IT WRONG but i stopped doing it after this video because holy shit it was exhausting and my stupid little fingers couldnt take the writing anymore becasue i am WEAK. 
so write off the bat (squeak) i wrote down 197[] the blacked out rectangle over the last digit of that year and everything im also now assuming its probably 1978 or 1974 because lore reasons but whos to say but yeah i also wrote down this;
Tape #2 - created 08/13/1978
then, straight up in the beginning of the video i caught it, the flash of text, as i had by now realized i gotta be SUPER stupid focused on the screen in case i miss anything, i wanted to be crazy precise on my theorizing and mental notes, among other things. but yes i saw it, the first half of a youtube link;  “https://youtu” 
claps hands together and rubs them evilly. oh yeah baby. thats the hot lunch. this shit right here? the cats pajamas. lets fucking go.
i wrote down this goofy shit i pasued to inspect when i saw bon sorting through a file cabinet and naturally scribbled down the labels and other written things i could see on the files; 
relocate X/X/75 felix
storage K-9 07/23/1975 felix k(ranken)
Bons Burgers 06/28/1974 Jack Walten
Shipping Service 1975
New Location -> 1982
i also wrote down more goofy shit, like when banny was created for some reason; in 1974
starred, i noted to go back and reverse the audio at 5:09, when played back, i didnt write it down so i dont remember. lmao.
i also marked to screenshot and brighten the darkened image i saw at 5:20, i was going to do it on my phone then realized i can just do it on my computer so i quickly took a screenshot, brightened it and wrote down what i saw; a missing person poster that read MISSING: SUSAN WOODINGS(?) Last seen: 1974 i was very unsure of the spelling of her last name because the image was so goddamn low quality and grainy but its what i saw. this is where tape #3 gets thrown in, which im gonna type again because i like how the formatting looks;
Tape #3 - created 07/09/1978 (BEFORE tape 2?!//1/1??? its more likely than you think)
i wrote down more dates, any dates i saw, i jotted down. i wrote; 
Technical Support 1978 
then, 
Brian Stells (for some reason i dont remember right now)
alrighty this is where the stupid capitalized letters come in, but before it looks like i vomit a keysmash time infinity on this, ill put down the little inbetween things i wrote in the midst of the caps lockalypse like timestamps and stuff, so here you go;
- Reverse at 8:16 which i did but of course didnt write down what i heard. i think it was too warbled to hear anything clear out of it, or it was just the good ol auditory processing issues fucking me over yet again. WAIT yep yes i did here it is: “rosemary would go to the restaurant every night hoping that [her] beloved husband would reappear after being missing for weeks but no response until one day [s]he heard a voice [saying] ‘i know where he is rosie’ coming from the back stage” the bracketed stuff is the corrections, i misheard the audio and thought the audio said “his”, “he” and “singing” like a nimrod
- Brighten at 10:14 which was another missing person poster, but i dont think it had any information on it because i didnt write it down, just;
- Sophie again (pic at 9:08?) (dismemberd and put in Sha) i was stupid and wrong haha idiot it was rosemary who was put in sha but anywho
i starred and underlined a huge thing i discovered which was;
- Walten had 3 kids which i dont remember how i found out but it doesnt matter, its good important info i uncovered.
- Tape #4 - Unkown Date
- recorded 07/12-07/14 1978 
- Hilary B, Ashley P & Kevin W i made sure to get these names down as soon as i saw them on screen but then realized shortly after i wouldnt really need to have it as the closed captions made sure i knew which person was talking by using their first initial (capitalized of course) before each line of text. this is the perfect time to announce the arrival of the clusterfuck of capital letters, which is going to include colons which will indicate that the letter before it is the initial of the person talking. without further aedue, here comes another chinese earthquake;
TCWTSTATO(K-9)TBSSFWFCNEHAWBSUBIUC(BSIIDC)OWHISF INBIJTILNSPL(K-9)LCSCKCCCWTTLTLITTTYROTFAJAMHPYYSTCSPMBBWSBIB H:NTPPCCK:DA:HH:YCPRPMWTCBCRAWK:JH:SYYTCPBACPSTBAWCA:TK(?):FMTTCMK:TCPNOA:DTOFK:ITNPPRA:YBUTIRRFH:HKIBESRAIA:TCK:WA:WPCCFTRRIDPEH:GGK:GPA:LKK:WA:HNCGTKMK:YH:IGKA:ESK:MFH:RK:HILRLBNTRPPUWHITRRTPEIFEPH:YWBEBPK:MAHPBTRPTRPEL(LN)HTACPKLIKHPFITSKLTKLB(LB?)ISIBSUBIPRW AEBATHSPUAICTPURTWBBRPHTRTIIIILTCITCUCCP S(bpe, be)WA”IDCPBPSIB
holy shit its finally over okay now onto some MORE of what i wrote down in between and also after that keysmash attack;
12 doors? (backrooms) 27? 26? i was unsure because ashley was unsure too lmfao
found cassette (6/11/78) <- says “discard”? yeah it did
Tape in clown audio, speaking voice; jack, susan, charles(?), rosemary, sophie, last word sounds like “walrus” it was walten lmfao
Ashley died? yeah she did lmfao OR AT LEAST I THINK SO??
starred this one, Reverse @ 17:06, then got this;
“they left the next day, they thought ashley left early, but she was in the backdoors, screaming as much as she could, but no one heard the screams, the following days the caretakers would complain about an awful smell coming from the backdoors, company decided to shut down facility until new advice, the relocate project was unsuccessful. ashley is still there, but she is not screaming anymore, she saw something she wasnt supposed to see and now shes beautiful” the phrase “shes beautiful” was repeating like a bajillion times in that wall of text. then, god motherfuckng bless: 
at 17:23 i found the other half of the youtube link, “.be/k07QqEDOfQ” i pieced that bad boy together as instant as i think any form of ramen could never be, but remained ever patient. because i made sure to jot down this before moving onto my next segment;
@ end of vid 2, “shadow man sees* me when lights go off” im an idiot *it was actually “feeds” not “sees”, which AGAIN, i only found out after watching the stupid little film theory video *begins snarling and foaming at the mouth*
okay im not proud to admit im editing this to post it and realized ive lost my notes. well. 
might as well post what ive got! if i find my shit ill add onto this, i suppose.
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brockachu · 3 years
Note
if it means anything, i love your blog and your thoughts, im new to hockey and so i dont know much but you put so much love and happiness and enjoyment into your blog that i cant help but get excited for all of the players and teams you post about and its just very fun so. at the very least i dont hate you, and i know thats not much because im just a faceless anon but i hope its something. <3
hey, no, being anon doesn’t make your encouragement any less valuable. this is so, so kind and sweet of you, and i appreciate it so much. i very genuinely needed this. and i’m really glad to hear that my joy & how hard i try to share fun comes through! like it is very hard for me to put myself outside of myself — idk if i just come off as like an old weirdo or if i actually contribute anything, whether that’s actual knowledge about hockey, or history of the ~narratives~, or vibes or whatever else. and idk if it’s silly to care that much about ‘contributing’, but i’ve always wanted to be someone who’s capable of creating things.
i used to draw & write a lot. i also used to get to go to events & take photos (my current city’s ahl team has moved & i no longer live in a college hockey town or near an echl/ahl/nhl city & i never lived in a chl/nwhl/phf city + covid stuff so i just haven’t been to Any live events in 2+ years now). i still sew sometimes when my mental health isn’t fighting me every stitch of the way.
i guess what i’m saying is that, even if the point is mainly to have fun & most of my blog/twitter is really kinda silly, it’s become a major outlet for me to do my write-ups or share memes & edits or make fancams. and bc i can never tell from inside myself if any of it is fun for anyone else, sometimes it all feels a little futile, like i’m fighting myself to convince myself i get to exist and make things and take up even the tiniest digital space. and i know a lot of that isn’t anything that i can ever overcome by continuing to seek outside validation. but hell if getting some outside validation doesn’t help keep me going on really bad days (which i unfortunately have had a lot of recently. god when will winter fucking end. it’s So Ironic that hockey brings me so much joy when the literal season that allows hockey to exist has been torture for me since i was an actual kid. like i remember winter being miserable for me as young as like 12 years old)
god this answer has gone entirely off the rail — i’m just really exhausted & i want to feel like i’m doing anything & that i’ve had any progress in the decade i’ve been haunting this lil hellsite and i also do not want the younger ppl on here to see me struggling and think that life doesn’t get better. it really fucking sucks for me right now, but life does get better & i still find shit to have fun with, even when my brain is convinced to have the worst time. like, look! i wrote a fucking depressing tag essay about my self-loathing and someone likes me enough to come tell me about it. there is Always someone who is gonna give a fuck and like you, no matter what your mental illness tells you. even when you’re miserable, someone is So Glad just to know you’re still there.
i really needed this message and i hope y’all get to enjoy my much better days with me too. thank you, anon 💖
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sajdd · 3 years
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Oomph yeah :/ I used to draw almost constantly, and then I got access to the internet and wanted to draw more complex stuff, but it never came out quite right and left me quite disheartened. (That and I have the fuckn shakiest hands when I do digital stuff, what the Fuck)
I don't know what you've tried, but in case you haven't already you could try having a look at some reference poses or tutorials on yt in a style you like, and give them a bit of a practice - perspective, hands and proper shading especially, as they're a huge sticking point for artists and getting them right can make things look miles better. (Main thing here is very few artists are islands - most people practice and use other refs until they've got a form they're happy with. I say this as sometimes people feel like they aren't good enough if they aren't working things out by themselves as they go, which isn't true at all and it's important to know that.)
If you've tried refs yourself and they aren't working, then honestly it's good to ask for help from friends as well. As said before, very few artists are islands - you're like most of us lol
i mean yeah,,, i do use a lot of references most of the time but there usually arent references for the Actual thign i want to do so i alwya shave to do smth different,,,, and even then i sometime sstruggle and just,,,,,,,,, its like no matter how well i know what i want to do, my hand cant do it, an dim just like mmmm
i mean ive tried looking at artists and stuff but idk it doesnt rlly help that much,,,,,, i mean i guess i need to spend more time on it
my biggest issue really is the lack of motivation to do anythign.. or rather executive dysfunction lol
bc,,,,, usually when i finally get round to drawing its been a while and so im out of practice and just bleughugf i dont know
i was also just having a Breakdown Moment im feeling a bit better now,,,, i guess ill just try to stick through it and maybe try to form an actual plan for what to do,,,, idk im just so mad ive wasted so much tiem and everytime i try to draw smth it just makes me feel bad and just,,,,,,,, yeah,, but thanks,,
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this is kinda hard to say but ive really been meaning to make an emotional post like this for a long time but ive always thought it woudnt matter anyways and-- i should just get to the point.
tumblr is.... special to me. i hate it here but also ive been here so long and made great experiences too and i really fuckin love how the site is built in general so im staying.
and
tumblr was also the place where i first expressed my own creativity. where i first made art and posted it. ive been lurking on tumblr for a long time, as far back as i can remember anyways, but it was only 2015 when i made an account myself. and it was to post undertale stuff. and follow my favorite undertale fanartists and au creators and
although that old account may be gone and forgotten now, since i forgot the password somewhere around 2018 and at this point also forgot the url. but ill never forget the experiences. the friends i made. the things i learned (yeah i learned digital art from a friend here on tumblr!) the things that kept me going while i was in a prettttry bad place (its gotten better, even if only minimally)
but
the internet changed a lot since then.
things i used to enjoy are now cringeworthy in the eye of everyone. and my favorite things have long been discontinued
ive lost hope in a sense
ive always looked back at the things i used to love, and still do love, and then just seeing how they
stop at some point.
and every time it made me sad. really REALLY sad.
and of course this relates to deltarune as well with it being from toby fox and tying back to undertale and the fandom even being for some part even the same people but its. its different. of course it is. its supposed to be.
and yesterday was the same thing with the handplates comic by @zarla-s (if you read this, hii!!!). something i used to love. and i still enjoy it. and i expected it to be the same as always. its ended or discontinued years ago and ill be all sad again about things having changed so much and me not being to handle it but
this time it was different
this time it didnt stop
and when i checked the date of the last page
it was today. 10 hours ago, from when im writing this at least.
and its probably really fucking stupid to say this but ive already said so much so might as well
it gave me hope
hope that maybe i was wrong. that i still can be happy like i was back then. and thag the things i used to love arent entirely dead. and that not only the bad things from my past persisted, but also the nice ones. i mean, this is proof!
and even though ive planned to finally write this for so long, ive only now gotten to because i have this hope i guess
idk
i guess im just weird
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weaselbeaselpants · 4 years
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That Krispy Cat: A Warning, part 3
The last of the images cause I don’t want this bitch on my computer anymore. 
Knowing tumblr I kept the images hidden JUUUUST in case no one reads the fine print and can’t tell I’m being critical of this and gets me in trouble.
VVV ((Just in case you thought the JewishGriffon piece assured everyone that Crispy couldn’t POSSIBLY hate people of color, some of her earliest Nazi art had her character Klaus beating up Amigo Bear. She also made Amigo into a liberal strawman. )) VVV
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((Dialogue to one of her TROLLARIOUS pictures that featured Amigo:
Amigo Bear: *muttering* "Your leader was a !@#$% little #@%^!@$^*!, you fascist feather duster..." General Klaus: "Fräulein, Ich vant you to cover your ears und shut your eyes as tight as you can." Crispy: "How come, General?" General Klaus: "Klaus ist about to say und do very bad sings zhat he does not vant his little Edelweiß to see or hear." Crispy: "Alrighty!" General Klaus: "WHO SAID ZHAT ABOUT DER FÜHRER? WER DIE FICK GESAGT? WHO'S ZUH SCHLEIMIG LITTLE COMMUNIST-SCHEISS SCHWANZLUTSCHER DOWN ZHERE, WHO JUST SIGNED HIS OWN DEATH VARRANT? NIEMAND?! GOTTVERDAMMT STALIN SAID IT! HERVORRAGEND! VHICH VUN OF YOU VANTS TO BE ZUH FIRST TO FIND OUT ZUH HARD VAY VHY MEIN FEINDE CALLED MIR DER BUTCHER BIRD?" ))
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^^^ ((BUTOPHERARTISGOODSOYOUCAN’TCOMPLAIN
also the disc. for this pic before it was deleted had a ‘joke’ about cooking Jews in ovens. Oh and yes, that IS Hitler she’s giving that ugly ass cupcake too.))
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^^^ (( - Thanks dA I never would have known I had a notifications unless eclipse blah -
This is one of her rants about how #Triggered she is that Starlight be compared to the Nazis when she runs a communist cult. Because A) that’s the real problem here and B) I too get upset when people say my OC is based on Jeffrey Dahmer when he’s so CLEARLY based on Ed Gein, Bwwwaaaah D> D> D> !)) ^^^
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VVV ((Ugly art of her friend’s awful OCs.)) ^^^
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VVV ((Crispy showing off why no one wants to be a patriot in our country.)) VVV
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((FYI, Crisp, that attitude will make the Hamilton fans stronger so just keep that SJW-flinging coming you little SJW.
WHAT?! Social Justice is a broad term and as Crispy’s plainly demonstrated, you can circle it around and make a majority-class sound like the real underprivledged if you have enough fancy frou frou know-how and furries. Also, if a Social Justice Warrior constitutes someone who takes their cause soooo seriously that they’re annoying/petting/cruel/stupid about it....idk I think Crispy qualified.))
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^^^ ((Crispy and her friend muse about what other races occupy the world of MLP in her headcanon. This, more than any other dA disc. and picture shows you her brand of “Segregationist-Nationalism is OKAY” thinking, cuz the art of these different races isn’t super offensive or cruel and neither are the characters. BUT if you scratch under the surface you’ll find that Crispy really likes these different people staying in their place and not in “someone else’s” country.
THEN, this same kind of thinking is used to convince you any mix of cultures is just cultural appropriation, again acting like she and her Nazi-stans are the only ones standing up to actual bigotry.)) VVV
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^^^ ((Crispy makes the world a worse place by bringing up actual decent points; like how Americans dress Thanksgiving up as progressive and for the natives when we all know that’s not true...all to better her worldview.
fyi, GET OUT whenever you see a selfproclaimed Nazi fawn over Native Americans, because: Nazi Germany had a deep fascination with American Indians and used their struggles about their land being taken away from them to justify their eugenic genocide.)) ^^^
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^^^ (( Crispy laughing it up on Furaffinity how she couldn’t be banned from her Furaffinity and then mysteriously never using her site there wowie.)) ^^^
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^^^ (( Crispy complaining about SOPA cause her freedom of speech and blahblahblah.
Freedom of Speech is important. Unfortunately what people like Crispy don’t understand or care for is there’s no freedom of consequence. )) vvv
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VVV ((LOL Joseph Mengele was such a stinkah let’s tell blithe jokes about him. At least WE AREN’T LIKE HIM!!!)) VVVV
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VVV ((Early onset eugenic BS from her Spyro stuff that would be easy to miss if you didn’t know what this woman was talking about)) VVV
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((Crispy admitting she thinks gays are pointless cuz they don’t reproduce but apparently loves them anyway. Also big shock Crispy’s seen Hetalia.)) VVV
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VVV ((Crispy probably wanting Weeaboos to attack her cuz aren’t Japan’s animations so laaaaaaazy?!!?!? GUUdd think’ I’m a naziaboo! Germany’s never made any shitty animation evah. You know what, I lied. She doesn’t deserve Hetalia. She just doesn’t.)) VVVV
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VVV ((Crispy dragging Brazil down with her as the apparent “Best South American Country”. Yikes.)) VVV
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VVV ((More “it’s trolling ergo it’s not harmful” shit. Bulgarians probably do deserve their own Care Bears, but they certainly don’t want yours Crispy.)) VVV
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VVV ((Disc. for her Richard Spencer bear art)) VVV
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------
I know, I know...this isn’t what you wanted to read today, guys. I know it’s offensive and I’m sorry if it made you ill. I also know I’m putting my own blog under fire by showing these images here but I think that should say something about dA’s bad policies that this art gets a filter slapped on it and nothing more when the artist is blatantly pro-fascist.
Crispy resonates with me so much - and no it’s not cause I DARED to be “triggered”.
It’s because, for one, she was talented. I MEAN I HAVE EYES! That’s some nicely drawn digital stuff I’m not gonna deny. She had some cool rewrites and sequel ideas that, had it come from someone else I would have eaten up and faved to hell and back onceupona2012. But I didn’t, where a ton of MLP and furry fans did because they undervalued their own talents and would say “well it’s pretty who cares about the message?” 
Unlike so many commercial+published artists, it’s REALLY hard to separate the art from the artist here because the artist is so connected and a part of her art and storytelling. If you fav her art, even if you didn’t like her, that was telling Crispy she’d won. It’s so defeating to have other artists say their gonna ignore their gut for the sake of prettypretty-Don-Bluth style art. And yes, that stigma DOES affect my view on 2D purists btw.
Crispy was so holier than thou’, and that attitude also was appealing to dA folks, not to mention her knowledge of art history by the time she dropped off the radar. Crispy was the kind of person who’d make long, detailed, justified rants against the design and color choices in Hazbin Hotel and then a bunch of antis would eat her redesigns up only to learn the awful truth later and embarrass themselves cuz they were so taken up by the craft they didn’t know they were reblogging a fucking Nazi.
Not to underplay Viv’s wrongdoings of course, but I’m sorry; the two aren’t comparable on the problematic artist meter. THAT’S HOW BAD CRISPY WAS.
If this somehow was just a faze and she’s come to her senses or doesn’t really think this shite she preaches...I don’t care. She said some vile shit and fuck no I’m not forgiving her. It’s like KenDraw or Shadman. You’ve changed your life around and realized you’ve done/drawn nasty shit that’s done real harm? Cool....I’m still not talking or ever promoting you, ya dingbat. You ain’t no Roman Polanski or Doug Tennaple. You’re a singular internet artist and any support of the project has to go to you - and you suck!
ThisCrispyKat was a wakeup call that showed me these people not only still exist but will be allowed to get away with it. I was very touchy bout this kind of thing back in the day. Fuck, I STILL AM TOUCHY. The rabbit holes I found thanks to Crispy opened up to reveal communities where people think my hair color’s going extinct. People would detail how much they wanted to rape me - a natural blonde - and kill my friends and family for not looking like me. That they want to jerk off in my naturally curly hair and see me in glowy German princess gowns preparing them dinner.
Crispy and other Nazistans would look at me; a blond-haired blue eyed Polish/German American woman and think I need to be “fixed” because I DARE to repeat propaganda that the Nazis were bad. They’d call me a traitor for thinking that celebrating the Nazi party ISN’T German pride.
HOW DARE YOU TELL ME THAT’S GERMAN PRIDE! I’LL SHOW YOU GERMAN PRIDE YOU EGOSTROKING-LIMPDICKED ATTENTION WHORES.
People like Crispy make it 1000x harder to actually show interest in German things. Because I AM interested in German shit btw.
Like for real: it’s a country I’d love to visit one day (at least the black forest, which is where my mom’s fam comes from). I love German art and German fairytales slap. I really do want to explore my heritage through art and stuff.
But guess what? Much as Crispy would argue to the contrary I DO know my WWII history and beyond and FUCK YOU if you honestly think jerking it to cuddly Nazi-furs is empowering or just “showing your interest in history”. Take your own advice and read a god-damn book.
TL;DR: I DO NOT have to be proud of Nazis to enjoy German culture and if you think otherwise, FUCK YOU. It’s a slap in the face to everyone even if you are ‘just trolling’ and it in no way values actual German’s feeling on the matter. It’s annoying how people undervalue real people just for the sake of fan art.
The Nazis were evil. They were racist, eugenic-genocidal idiots who killed over six million Jewish people, Romani, Slavs, Jehovahs Witnesses, disabled people, Poles, homosexuals and prisoners of war. They would have killed my dad’s side of the family if they were in Poland at the time. They made bullshit tanks that killed the people making them and didn’t work on the battlefield. Their leader was a fat, farting one-testicaled bastard who preferred animals to people.
They ruined everything for everyone and then took the easy way out, leaving the Germans that were left in the hands of the also-genocidal Soviets and Americans. Germany is still paying their war debts and now, 70-80 years later everyone else wants to laugh off this dark period of history with memes and forget what they did, and as such, are forgetting the victims of the genocide.
I have 0 tolerance for Nazi things for the sake of HUMANITY, let alone the individual groups they target. I don’t have to have German ancestry or know a single Jewish person to tell you any of this. It’s fucking history.
Eat shit.
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