#but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldnt know how to be alive

[ilikesoupandcookies]

if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive

[stillwithmeisonlyyou]

I haven't been depressed enough to listen to mitski lately but god i miss that women so today was the mf ing day lets go

This is my mitski playlist btw nothing special except for mitski herself

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

unrelated but i think unboxing our ideas of what it means to be masculine or feminine is how we're going to win the battle we are currently fighting. i just think it will help. a lot.

[liyrical]

mitski was NOT joking when she said i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die

[psychoplasm-girl]

maybe i should stop listening to hole and mistki and stop watching the virgin suicides and girl interrupted and stop reading the bell jar and stop looking at crime scene images and drawing corpses and

[eternalartblock]

overanalyzing kyoko's letter because i have nothing better to do

im having a fucking field day out here.

so in case anyone reading this is unaware, campyfire recently dropped these:

there is a LOT to unpack here. i am losing it over the namedrop but i would mainly like to focus on psychoanalyzing kyoko because. i mean this is her letter, plus in context it wasnt really meant to be read by anyone other than herself, so its likely that shes being pretty damn genuine here. which means i get to look at it and read into it and convince myself even further that she is!!! not okay!!!!!!

We hope your adventures haven’t taken you too far.

“we” is likely referring to the rest of her family, so theyre probably alive and present. which is good because i would actually kill someone if she lost her sister and had literally no one else. i really hope they gave her some support at some point because it seems like she really needs it

Since you’ve been on your journey, I've decided to become an adventurer, just like you!

becoming an adventurer is a lot. leaving home and letting go of your old life is a lot. and kyoko did that because it was something her sister liked to do, because it made her look strong and brave and she wanted to be like her. she mustve really, really looked up to her :(((

…I was scared at first, but talking with them made me happy… really happy.

ok hold up. she was scared??? while she does seem scared for them, shes never appeared to be scared of them, so… why? maybe its because they just come off as intimidating to everyone? it could be like how several npcs in the manor thought they looked off. but that was after she first met them, plus they were definitely a doing a lot better back when they only had one sword. i personally think this might be hinting at some kind of attachment and/or vulnerability issues? idk it REALLY seems like shes got some shit going on, especially because of how she lets you vent about your problems but immediately changes the subject once she mentions hers in her manor dialogue. still not normal about that btw.

Things are weighing down on them though, I didn’t want to trouble them…

shes clearly worried about being a burden to player while theyve got so much going on. even though she has literally let them vent to her. while she ALSO had some shit going on. dont get me wrong, i get why she'd think that way, player IS visibly going through it and they dont need more things to worry about. but it would probably be worth it to at least ask if theyd be ok with listening to her talk about everything. theyre her friend, and theyve got quite a few things in common. they would understand.

I shouldn't give up. I know you're out there, so I'm going to be just like you and never stop trying.

aughhhh fuckkkkkk

the thing about having a loved one go missing is that anything could have happened to them. there so many horrible ways for calypso to have gone out, especially since kyoko has ZERO IDEA where she could have gone. and yet, she chooses to believe that shes still out there somewhere, because she knows her sister, and she knows that shes stronger than that. and she wouldnt leave her.

also consider: calypso's an adventurer. it would be normal to not hear from her for a while. so imagine how long it took for her family to even realize something was wrong. calypso has been gone for a very long time.

im glad kyoko's at least coping somehow... still think she should open up a bit, but its better than nothing. i really want her to get the support she needs, because shes clearly going through a lot, despite how cheerful she might appear. also i wanna know more about calypso, it seems like she was super cool.

anyways kyoko is the best and most well written block tales character. thank you for coming to my ted talk

[normalbrothershow]

sambrady headcanons question mark

• brady is gay (closeted besides maybe to his siblings and one or two close friends). he was a pretty shy kid but good with acting like he wasnt in front of employers/school officials/his parents work friends etc. but when he saw sam (see: gilmore girls era jared all tussled up from the bus drive with nothing but a duffel and laptop bag) opening the dorm room theyd share, that whole facade dropped and brady was like uhm hi😦😳🫣 stumbling over his words and tripping over nothing. instantly had a crush on sam and was unintentionally VERY obvious about it. sam of course was like Whaaaat no he isnt when other people were like "brady is crushing on u". but then he paid more attention to it and noticed that brady is actually really cute. they only fooled around at first, then they went on a few dates and sam started crushing back and feeling secure enough at stanford to try an actual relationship. they were ready to try and date– and then brady got possessed. sam thought maybe brady came out to his parents over the holidays and they didnt accept him or something

• brady was conscious inside his body when he was possessed. partly because the demon just had fun with that, but also because brady knew a lot about sam intimately that they could use. at some point the Demon acted more like the real brady, and got sam convinced that brady wanted to try and get sober/clean/back on track. they got closer again and had sex. sam was bradys first time, but it was the Demon who took his virginity. brady/the demon might've been sams first time with a guy, but not the first time in general🤔

• the Demon convinced sam to go to a frat party with him. similar to the seven deadly sins, the Demon had a really easy time with manipulating drunk frat kids/lowering their inhibitions. sam thought it was weird how brady seemed to know all those guys and always touched their shoulders. later, the Demon brought sam a spiked drink and gave the frat guys the sign to take sam upstairs, where theyd gang rape him and the Demon made brady watch. all sam could hear during it was the guys laughing/joking and talking down on him. maybe sam had even prepped himself before, because he thought the night would end up with him and brady having sex. the demon told the guys that sam wanted it, so when they see him all wet and open already theyre like "shit, the guy was right, hes asking for it". later when sam wakes up in his dorm room and brady acting all worried about him, sam thinks brady rescued him. the whole time brady was inside the demon trying to fight it and screaming and crying and telling sam hes sorry but he was too weak to do anything...

• brady is still alive in 5.19. its clear he stayed alive after college considering the body aged. i like to think that the demon told sam brady is dead, so he wouldnt exorcise him right away. and then later once crowley implicated him in crowleys "crimes" he knew being exorcised wouldve been worse than being killed so he couldn't even save himself with "Brady is still alive in here" anymore. but he could go out with the satisfaction that he made sam winchester murder his best friend and former boyfriend, and making brady see and feel it all. the last thing it hears is brady begging sam to listen to him 🤷

[doomedbythenarrator]

if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive

grace vanderwaal // unknown // nessa barrett // fleabag // unknown // @/seravph // john berger // unknown // susan sontag // mitski

[arcreactordreams]

"Im so sorry to bother you at home"

Starring: Nishinoya Yuu

Sypnosis: He has been trying to hit on you subtly for quite a few time, but he has grown a little more determinate now.

Request: Hello! Could you please write a Nishinoya x female reader where she’s seen by everyone as a serious, menacing person, when in reality she’s really just socially awkward and dense? Nishinoya tries hitting on her doing the usual tricks like flowers and bears and pick up lines but she’s just confused. Finally he just becomes more direct with her and honest and slowly she falls for him too? I’m sorry if it’s a bit too detailed and it’s okay if you don’t do this haha it’s been at the back of my head for a while

A/N: This one was so cute to write!, i tried to be really quick making this but the inspiration came to me like a thunder and here we are. Remember i use she/her in this fic.

Nishinoya Yuu. The thunder of the Karasuno team, always so energetic and kind, oftenly called delusional by his feelings towards Kiyoko, little did they know that it wasent a crush, he admired her and by that her personality and how she acted; But he liked you, he admired you and wordshipped the very floor you stepped on.

His tries were almost pathetic, sure he could tell Kiyoko anything btu it was different when it was you, he shacked and mumbled like a little kid inlove everytime he crossed any words with you. Everyone could tell but some way you didnt; Not even the flowers he gave you, little gifts he made for you with his own hands (which were a cute detail since he isnt pretty good with manualities) But from time to time his friends started to see that there was no response tho this little acts.

"She doesn't like you and she's acting like that to decline your feelings nicely" He heard one of them said, his heart ached but then Hinata spoke answering to the previous person, his words were filled with determination and his obvious spark that always bringed hope to everyone. "And what if she isnt?, she could see it was a friendly gesture. Nishinoya haven't talked about his feelings openly to her"

Hinata had a point, Sugawara and Daichi agreed, yes Nishinoya and his friends could think those hints were obvious enough to tell that he was completely head over heels inlove with you. But they know him as a friend and since pretty long time comparing to you; They weren't you and that meant they didnt feel or thinked like you.

He planned his confession, would you like something big? the whole school knowing?, No, it will make you agree by social pressure, Did you liked him enough to say 'Yes' without much people knowing? Oh God.

It was 6PM on a friday. He can remember it vividly, his steps were hard on the floor and his fingers were digging into his shirt and on the little box he held, his palms sweated and his face was red; He knocked at your door. After a few minutes you opened the door.

"Hey, im so sorry to bother you at home" he started as he saw you, his face blushed and his cologne was subtle as always. "I know that this might be hard but... I dont know what to say" he started panicking.

"I like you a lot" He finally stated after a sigh, his gaze fixated on the floor, the blush on his cheeks made him look heated, his breathing was heavy and his mind was longing and pleading for an answer.

"Are you being serious?" You spoke, a hidden tint of amusement in your voice, his feeling were glowing as he answered "Of course i am, why wouldnt i? i like you so much" He said as he took another step, reflecting his mind and then doing the opposite and stepping back, he didnt wanted to make the situation awkard, he just wanted to finally be totally sincere with you.

little did he know you liked him aswell, but oh lord he is the happiest man alive.

"Hey, i bringed this for you too" He said as he smiled at you, more confident and smug after your answer, handing you a little figure you have been longing to have since quite a few time. He buyed it for you since the first day you mentioned it but he decided to wait untill the ocation was perfect, and sure it was.

[lavaablast]

My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)

(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)

Kai Smith:

the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)

self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)

orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form

hear me out on this one, i know he eats junkfood (so do orthorexics okay every 3d is diferent) anyway he never does it alone. he eats junkood only with other people, and he's always thinking he'll "make up for it" later. so yes he eats junkfood and yes he is orthorexic (felt like i had to defend my point there dsfsd)

body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like

"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said

has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"

anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->

guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes

sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)

claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)

has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)

ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others

is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)

lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)

loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does

cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->

his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone

tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)

loves too hard

hates too hard

BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)

trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro

commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom

actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much

great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)

hot. thats all i rest my case

loves himself but hates himself

everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does

hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.

hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)

likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")

infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT

red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red

has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)

everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again

drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)

will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)

wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)

paints his nails black or red.

has a strand of hair dyed red all the time

perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)

would be a hyena i he was an animal

hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing

"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games

loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things

stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->

makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite

selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it

please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain

thats it for now cfdsfdr

[mechs-headcanons]

in a bertie mood ig so!! bertie headcanons!!

a HUUGE trickster. loved to play pranks and was generally a class clown. the biggest little shit, and wouldnt follow rules if he thought they were stupid. malicious compliance was his best friend and loopholes were his brothers in arms

often had to be the """responsible""" friend bc tim was so reckless and chaotic and got into so. many. fights. but every once in a while would get into his own fights and would encourage gunpowder's fights. was also a pretty good fighter, but he fought dirty. like biting and scratching and he never cut his nails so he kind of had claws. regularly drew blood and once some kid his bit the wound got infected and bertie bragged abt it for like. weeks

wild child. woudlnt wear shoes and ran around in the woods all the time. would eat anything, even handfuls of dirt. he did this regularly

*strikes him with the asthma beam* (i dont have asthma but my siblings do so most of my headcanons abt his asthma are based off of them) he prefers humid climates bc its easier to breathe. would get asthma attacks after running around for three hours and then get back up and run around again as if nothing happened, often to his own detriment. has to be cajoled by tim to actually take his inhaler. he forgot abt it a lot so gunpowder would carry it just in case. would get completely Wiped Out by sickness if it targeted his lungs/throat

every once in a while during the war would just come back to camp completely covered in blood. who's blood? who knows, but never his!! Jonny thought it was the hottest thing ever

probably a war criminal like tim tbh

demisexual cupioromantic, trans man

he uses he/him but i think he also just doesnt care. just dont be disrespectful bc he Would Punch You In The Face, and you'd probably lose a few teeth

probably gave the toy soldier teeth as a gift several times. he never said where he got the teeth though. ts adored it

toy soldier introduced him to teeth in tea and bertie's life changed for the better. gunpowder, though he was well aware of how Weird bertie was, thought that was the weirdest thing he ever did/enjoyed.

probably had a bunch of hobbies and half finished projects, always finding something new to work on/start

didn;t want to join the lunar war when he and gunpowder were drafted, almost became a draft dodger abt it, but went anyway to make sure gunpowder didn't die or do something ridiculous

only likes attention when he chose to be the center of it, if you start looking at him when he isnt being funny or performing he gets embarrassed and starts stuttering and looking anywhere but your face

was killed by a nasty combination of an infected gun shot wound a gas attack after his mask was broken. his body had to be burned bc those who were killed by the gas weren't exactly edible

this man has No morals, just people he cares about and will do anything for

regularly stole provisions from other soldiers and other camps.

he could talk his way into Anything, he was a manipulative bastard and the ultimate sweet talker. managed to convince jonny to give him the better booze that the first mate had hidden away in his tent exactly once before jonny started refusing to give him anyhing point blank.

if he was in the city/alive during UDAD i think he'd be one of the furies. lawyer/manipulation vibes and yet still often an omen of death and the embodiment of "oh no, the consequences of my actions!"

chaos incarnate bertie is just neat i think :3

-✨ who is always thinking about this loser and need more people to conside that he was probably Just As Unhinged as gunpowder tim

bertie!! yes give him asthma,,,, me too my chest hurts.

[wish-i-were-heather]

but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldnt know how to be alive

[90shetfield]

When he comes out at night - James Hetfield x F!Y/N

When Y/N runs away from home she thinks she's going to die out in the forest all alone with nothing left of her. When suddenly a werewolf comes to help her out...

CHAPTER 1

So tear me open poor me out…

1991

You walk around the dark mysterious forest. The eeire feeling in your gut sends chills down your spine. You're scared but more lonely than anything. The  empty forest reminds you of how empty you really feel right now. You ran away from home not looking back as your mom screamed for you. The hardships you’ve had to endure over the years living in that horrible house gave you the courage to finally escape. Now though, you 're alone with no one to help you through it all. Did you make a mistake? No it's better to feel like this then endure another day at that hell hole.

You kick around the leaves enjoying the rustling sound they make. Focusing on the leaves made all the huge problems go away like how you're basically dead if you don't go back or you're dead when you do go back. Either way doesn't seem good and you know that. The cold fall air whisps around you giving you more chills. You wrap your arms around your body, wincing at how cold it is. You have no jacket, nothing to cover your bare skin from the harsh elements. Only being in a tank top and some jean shorts. Hopefully you could find somewhere to stay for the night.

“God this was so stupid!” you yell at yourself kicking the leaves with more veracity. The dead tree branches  dance in the wind. You look up at the bright moon wishing everything will work out.

You hear some howling in the background. It sounds pretty close to where you are unease sets in, you quicken your pace trying to get away from it. The last thing you want is to end up as food for the wolfs. You look around realizing how far you’ve gone into the forest. 

You're lost. You went too far into the forest and now you can't find your way out. 

On top of that you're freezing and might be dead by tomorrow if you don't figure something out quickly. But how can you when you have nothing? Just let the wolves eat you.

You hear another howl even more loud and close. Running would be pointless anyways…. It simply wasn't made for you to make it out alive. You sit down on the brownish grass covered in multicolored dead leaves. You lie your back on the grass reaching your arms out once again staring at the moon. The glow it admits gave you hope but all of that was extinguished.

“I should've just stayed at home. I wouldnt of ended up like this. I could be outside the stupid dumb forest and not be lost by now”

“Yeah you could have a man..What made you want to leave here? It's not exactly meant for you in here” The rustling of the leaves becomes present as another voice responds to your self doubt. The growl in his voice sounds exactly like the wolf you hear earlier.

you sit up fast  looking at the thing in front of you. The moonlight doesn't give you much help to see who it is. You can pick up on the hair all over and the sharp fangs exposed with his snarky smile.

You back up as fear plagues your mind and body. What is that? What kind of monster? All these burning questions crowd your mind. He steps closer to you. The dark yellowish tint in his blue eyes shine out giving you more than unease and discomfort.

“W-what are you!?” he reaches his hand out. The sharp claws scratch your skin. You push him away, backing up more and more. You also saw ears on top of his head. Li\ke some humanoid creature.

“I'm James, James Hetfield and you?” He kneels down putting his hand on his chest showing you that he's not going to hurt any bit of you.

“I-i’m Y/N” the nervous shake of your voice doesn't seem to go away quite as your heart beats back and forth, thumping in your chest.

“That's a beautiful name, Y/N. What are you doing out here in the forest? It's not safe especial

Ly at night” his sincerely shows as he reaches his hand out again. This time you slowly take it, he helps you up.

“James uh? You didn't say what exactly you are?”still curious, you ask him again what he is. He sighs.

“I'm a werewolf Y/N”

“Pfft” You laugh at his ridiculous claim. Werewolf really? Yeah right those aren't real! He could never be a werewolf no matter how hard he thinks he is.

“You don't believe me?” you nod still laughing at him. He grabs you by the shoulder and brings you closer to him. Your body heats mix together so you feel his breath tingle down your face. You gulp starting to realize maybe he really isn't joking. He holds you in a tight embrace. You feel the fuzzy fur on his chest. It all sets in he really is a werewolf, from the claws to the ears to the glint in his eyes it all makes sense now

Werewolves are real… and one's right in front of you right now.

“See? Why didn't you see before? It's not like i look like a human right now..” he lets you go not wanting to overstep his boundaries only just having met you a couple of minutes ago

“I don't know! Maybe because everyone says werewolves aren’t real!” His huge stature towers over you. He's really tall compared to the average inhuman right now.

“But wait, you can turn back to a human?” 

“Every Night when the sun rises i turn back.” he grabs your arm making sure you follow him. After a little bit he lets go again. You guys walk with each other down farther into the forest. He takes the lead trying to keep you safe but it's like he's on edge for some reason, like somebody's watching him.

“You turn back every night? I thought it was only on the full moon?” he shakes his head

“I wish that was the case, it's a common misconception for us. Some can turn only on the full moon but most of us turn every single night”

“That must be hard for you huh?” You ask him to feel a sense of caring for the poor man. You touch his long blonde hair coming from his head. The blonde color is different from the deep brown of his fur. It adds a nice bit of contrast to him. The ears twitch at the sound of anything big or small. Even if you didn't hear it he did. He growls a little bit at the sudden contact. You take away your hand, keeping it down by your side, not touching him anymore.

“Oh uhm, I'm sorry I'm not used to people doing that…it's not that hard for me i've gotten used to it y’know” he looks away from you avoiding your kind gaze. You put an arm around his big body giving him a warm open hug. He stops dead in his tracks unsure on what to do.

“Its okay to let people care for you james” You look up at him. The irises glowing yellow like usual but have a hint of admiration for you. Nobody has ever done this for him, he never thought that anyone, even a stranger like you, would care so deeply about him even when he's in his human form.

“Why are you hugging a literal werewolf you met 30 minutes ago, aren't you scared I might kill you? He pulls you off of him still hiding his face. You could tell he had a small hint of blush adorned on his cheeks though.

“It's better than living the life i've been living” You tell him honestly. You remember the horrid nights at your house, all the screaming and threats made everyday. The walls filled with things that inspired you so that one day you could run away and live the dream. Some dream you're living right now, huh?

“You went through alot huh?” you nod shivering at the cold.

“Are you cold?” You nod again, he picks you up bridal style, you thought about fighting but you never matched your body movements with it. Instead you let him wrap you up in his big arms. You rest your head on his chest, the fur making you feel so much more warm now.

“Thank you James, i still don't know how i'm going to survive out here though, i'm all alone”

“You could always stay with me man.. I have a house in the next town over, I come to the forest at night, i don't want people to see me like this..” You touch his hair again. He doesn't swat you away just letting you do it. You snuggle into his embrace getting even closer in his arms. Your hair blows in the cold air. This is your life now, running away from your house to being in the arms of some sort of thing  that nobody thought was actually real.

You two hear ruffling behind you guys.  Your gut  drops hearing the voice of your mom call out for you. The fake sound of concern and worry in her high pitch voice. You tug on James' fur all the angst and hurt filling your body once again. The memory’s flood of all the times she hurt you or favored others over her own kin. He looks down at you seeing all the emotions across your face realizing what's going on

“Y/N! Is that you?” James shields you away from her so she doesn't see you. He caresses your cheek telling you that he’ll get you to safety. He looks up at the moon, catching a glimpse of its setting. He's going to turn back soon.

“Shit” he mutters to himself. You guys are pretty stuck. You think for a moment what could you do to get out of this... An idea appears in your mind. You give him a devilish smirk and he looks at you confused.

“James, that was you howling before right?” you whisper softly and quietly, making sure your mom doesn't hear you.

“Yeah? What are you planning?” he looks back behind him catching a glimpse of your mother approaching in her tattered white nightgown.

“Can you howl? She might hear it, get scared and run off. Where we live the fear of wolves is everywhere in someone's mind. my mom is petrified of wolves” He matches your smirk. He gently sets you down on the side of a tree hiding you from your mothers gaze.

He backs up from you, holding a tight pose getting ready to howl. He looks you dead in the eyes before releasing a loud gnarly howl. The deep undertones are the same ones that scared you so bad earlier but now you actually kind of like the howl. you cover your ears  as he howled much larger and bigger than the first couple of howls you heard.

As expected your mom screams and runs away without ever seeing you or james. You hear something drop from out of her pocket. A loud metal clash hits the rock on the dead patch of grass. You run over to see it. The glistening reflection shows you it's a knife. You pick it up admiring the intricate symbols on it carved in the metal permanently.

“What's that Y/N?” your blank expression says it all. You drop the knife on the ground again, smudging it into the dirt in anger.

“She was going to kill me, this knife was my grandmothers, there's only one reason why she brought it,” you sigh, picking up the slightly damaged dager planning to use it when the situation calls for it.

“C’mon James it's almost morning, let's get to your home” he grabs your hand taking you away. He grabs your legs, lifting you up on his back. He secures your legs with his arms letting you ride on his back.

“This’ll be faster and I don't want you walking so much” he picks up speed really quickly zooming past all of the trees and plants. All of this feels like a fever dream, but it's not.not anymore. You fall asleep on his back snoring the night away.

-~-~-~-

You wake up in a small bed. The heavy blankets covering your body, adorned with a light jacket. The sunlight peaks out from the dark washed curtains. You slowly lift yourself up sitting on the bed now looking at the sun.

“Are you feeling a little bit warmer?” James comes into the room. You turn to look at him. Your eyes widened with shock. He's human now! The playful smirk never left  his face. The long blonde hair  comes down to his shoulder just like when he was a werewolf. His chest covered with a black tank top revealing some of his chest hairs. He paired it with a black belt and jeans the only hint of color is from his brown boots. The facial hair complements his entire face so well. He looks heavenly but of course you're not going to tell him that.

“Oh uhm- yeah i am thank you james” you look back out at the window. The cars passing by as pedestrians walk into countless shops and restaurants. The village was a lot bigger than you expected. And much more modernized too. Your mother shielded you away from a lot of the modern things so all of this was new.

“Here all i have is beer so uh drink up man” he throws you a cold canned beer. You open it up drinking some of the bitter liquid. A unique taste you opted to say before downing the whole thing in mere seconds. James laughs, taking the can out from your hand and throwing it in the  trash.

“Who knew you were already an alcoholic!” you roll your eyes spotting the dagger still covered in dirt on the small table in the middle of the room.

“I'm not!” you pout as he still laughs, messing your hair up. 

“You're going to be safe with me Y/N i promise, i won't let her take you.” he puts a hand on your shoulder caressing it. You look up at him the yellow in his baby blue eyes disappeared

“Thank you James i'm never going to forget this”

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i feel reallllllly bad abt this

so some backstory my bf plays a lot of military video games (war thunder esp thats his fave) and loves military boats and planes and wants to go into the military via an academy.

i have a complicated relationship w the military and military men. a lot of the men in my family (my grandfathers, uncles, cousins etc) were at one point in the military and it didnt go well for any of them. they all have major issues cause of their service. my grandfather developed a drinking problem after vietnam, my great uncle extreme PTSD after fighting in Iraq and all have or had been abandoned by the govt esp my uncles. so needless to say i have a weird relationship w the us govt and military systems.

so my bf wants to go into the military and while im well aware that high school sweethearts usually dont work out weve been dating for over 3 years straight and bros been talking abt marriage lately so i kinda have a feeling well last so his military dreams scare the SHIT out of me. not just the possibility of having him come back in a casket, or not coming back at all but him coming back so different, angry/violent or a drunk or an addict or sick or all of the above. i want him to be happy but i dont want him to come back blown to bits or missing limbs.

hes one of those people who wants to do it for the glory. the love of country the idea of coming back a hero. the way the current politics are going in america were probably gonna have a huge war soon maybe even on 2 fronts, WWIII. that scares me too just in general and add someone i love so much so far for so long going years w/o seeing him, sometimes not knowing if hes dead or alive. scares me but thats so selfish. thats my problem im so selfish about it. ive told him my concerns and it makes me feel like a bad person cause ik he wants this pretty bad tho he did say if he doesnt get into an academy he wont enlist hell go somewhere else for engineering and work for the govt that way. but i just feel so selfish. i want him to be happy but i also want him alive and safe.

also while im being honest here i really dont think hes military material. hes not very uh fit (i doubt hed pass the physical test), his grades r pretty average the academies r really hard to get into, hes EXTREMELY stubborn which the military would not at all approve of he only does one extracurricular, and he has some other problems i wont mention that wouldnt go well in the military. so his chances at an academy arent very high but just enough to scare me.

and i know its selfish which is why i feel so bad about it. its so complicated. on one hand i really dont want him to go and i just want him to consider the pros and cons, he has a very video game propaganda-y watered down "glory" view of the military that they can do no wrong and i know the other end the trauma, the abandonment, the fear, ive heard the stories the stories of men watching each other get blown up, watching civilians struggle to breathe cause of the chemicals we used, my grandfather had to watch his best friend get his legs blown off. the coming back different, changed and not for the better. sure the glorys nice the honor is amazing but at what cost? i have relatives who have purple hearts and were abandoned by the system that gave it to them. on the other hand tho i know its so selfish to not want him to follow what he wants to do. to tell him he shouldnt, that its a bad idea, that its not worth it, that the risk isnt worth the possible reward, to think abt how once u sign on that dotted line u cant quit till ur contract is up. im gonna follow my dreams of being an artist so why should i let him follow his?

i feel so conflicted abt it. i cant tell where the line between caring and selfishness is. i feel guilty and selfish and scared all at the same time. i hope and pray he changes his mind but i know i cant make him no matter how many times i not so subtly mention the possiblity of death, disability, PTSD the thousands of things that can go wrong. i feel so selfish but i cant help my fear. i think i care too much. thats my problem. i care too much abt his physical safety i overlook his happiness. i apologized to him abt my selfishness over this like a half hour ago and havent heard back.

[klapollo]

but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldnt know how to be alive

[shrubmogai]

prettydielyrica - a gender connected to the lines "but if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive / i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die" from "brand new city" by mitski