#but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldnt know how to be alive

[thenightwinggraveyard]

the rotting daughter

perhaps it’s an indicator of how far gone i am; that when faced with their pitying eyes and furrowed brows, all i can do is smile ruefully. 

they say they’re upset that i’m upset. 

they say they’re not disappointed, just worried. and what do i say to that? 

do i tell them that what they’re feeling for me is only a modicum of the depths of my solemn despair? 

do i tell them that the ache is all i know? 

do i tell them that there isn’t a single waking moment where i’m not wishing i was someone else; somewhere else? 

how can i possibly communicate that i don’t know how to not hate what i am.

how do i put into words that no matter what i do, nothing could make up for the fact that it’s me doing it. 

sometimes, it seems that it was my fate to be a ruined daughter. 

i was destined for nothing else but too dry eyes and self-condemning smiles; 

there is a rot inside me that has been there since birth.

- from a girl with anxiety (and some other problems too)

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

unrelated but i think unboxing our ideas of what it means to be masculine or feminine is how we're going to win the battle we are currently fighting. i just think it will help. a lot.

[liyrical]

mitski was NOT joking when she said i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die

[shigarexia]

i'm actually at the point in my life where i would love to recover and don't even want to have an eating disorder anymore but i don't know what to do with my life if i'm not pursuing beauty.

[psychoplasm-girl]

maybe i should stop listening to hole and mistki and stop watching the virgin suicides and girl interrupted and stop reading the bell jar and stop looking at crime scene images and drawing corpses and

[windblume]

i love u mitski

[effervescent-fool]

12 🤯

send me a number 1-100 and i'll tell you the song it corresponds with on my top 100 playlist!

[witski]

girl help i think my life is losing momentum, i think my ways are wearing me down

[oneofthosecrazygirls-mp3]

rip Jennifer Check you would've loved mitski

[fortima]

mitski 1%er yet again :)

[niftykin]

"Im so sorry to bother you at home"

Starring: Nishinoya Yuu

Sypnosis: He has been trying to hit on you subtly for quite a few time, but he has grown a little more determinate now.

Request: Hello! Could you please write a Nishinoya x female reader where she’s seen by everyone as a serious, menacing person, when in reality she’s really just socially awkward and dense? Nishinoya tries hitting on her doing the usual tricks like flowers and bears and pick up lines but she’s just confused. Finally he just becomes more direct with her and honest and slowly she falls for him too? I’m sorry if it’s a bit too detailed and it’s okay if you don’t do this haha it’s been at the back of my head for a while

A/N: This one was so cute to write!, i tried to be really quick making this but the inspiration came to me like a thunder and here we are. Remember i use she/her in this fic.

Nishinoya Yuu. The thunder of the Karasuno team, always so energetic and kind, oftenly called delusional by his feelings towards Kiyoko, little did they know that it wasent a crush, he admired her and by that her personality and how she acted; But he liked you, he admired you and wordshipped the very floor you stepped on.

His tries were almost pathetic, sure he could tell Kiyoko anything btu it was different when it was you, he shacked and mumbled like a little kid inlove everytime he crossed any words with you. Everyone could tell but some way you didnt; Not even the flowers he gave you, little gifts he made for you with his own hands (which were a cute detail since he isnt pretty good with manualities) But from time to time his friends started to see that there was no response tho this little acts.

"She doesn't like you and she's acting like that to decline your feelings nicely" He heard one of them said, his heart ached but then Hinata spoke answering to the previous person, his words were filled with determination and his obvious spark that always bringed hope to everyone. "And what if she isnt?, she could see it was a friendly gesture. Nishinoya haven't talked about his feelings openly to her"

Hinata had a point, Sugawara and Daichi agreed, yes Nishinoya and his friends could think those hints were obvious enough to tell that he was completely head over heels inlove with you. But they know him as a friend and since pretty long time comparing to you; They weren't you and that meant they didnt feel or thinked like you.

He planned his confession, would you like something big? the whole school knowing?, No, it will make you agree by social pressure, Did you liked him enough to say 'Yes' without much people knowing? Oh God.

It was 6PM on a friday. He can remember it vividly, his steps were hard on the floor and his fingers were digging into his shirt and on the little box he held, his palms sweated and his face was red; He knocked at your door. After a few minutes you opened the door.

"Hey, im so sorry to bother you at home" he started as he saw you, his face blushed and his cologne was subtle as always. "I know that this might be hard but... I dont know what to say" he started panicking.

"I like you a lot" He finally stated after a sigh, his gaze fixated on the floor, the blush on his cheeks made him look heated, his breathing was heavy and his mind was longing and pleading for an answer.

"Are you being serious?" You spoke, a hidden tint of amusement in your voice, his feeling were glowing as he answered "Of course i am, why wouldnt i? i like you so much" He said as he took another step, reflecting his mind and then doing the opposite and stepping back, he didnt wanted to make the situation awkard, he just wanted to finally be totally sincere with you.

little did he know you liked him aswell, but oh lord he is the happiest man alive.

"Hey, i bringed this for you too" He said as he smiled at you, more confident and smug after your answer, handing you a little figure you have been longing to have since quite a few time. He buyed it for you since the first day you mentioned it but he decided to wait untill the ocation was perfect, and sure it was.

[doomedbythenarrator]

if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive

grace vanderwaal // unknown // nessa barrett // fleabag // unknown // @/seravph // john berger // unknown // susan sontag // mitski

[lavaablast]

My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)

(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)

Kai Smith:

the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)

self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)

orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form

hear me out on this one, i know he eats junkfood (so do orthorexics okay every 3d is diferent) anyway he never does it alone. he eats junkood only with other people, and he's always thinking he'll "make up for it" later. so yes he eats junkfood and yes he is orthorexic (felt like i had to defend my point there dsfsd)

body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like

"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said

has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"

anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->

guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes

sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)

claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)

has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)

ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others

is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)

lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)

loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does

cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->

his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone

tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)

loves too hard

hates too hard

BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)

trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro

commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom

actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much

great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)

hot. thats all i rest my case

loves himself but hates himself

everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does

hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.

hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)

likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")

infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT

red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red

has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)

everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again

drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)

will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)

wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)

paints his nails black or red.

has a strand of hair dyed red all the time

perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)

would be a hyena i he was an animal

hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing

"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games

loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things

stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->

makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite

selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it

please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain

thats it for now cfdsfdr

[lyrarizi]

Alastor theory time:

I have had a theory about his soul deal for so long and i decided to finally share it

I think Alastor sold his soul when he was alive, dont come at me. It just makes much more sense to me than him selling his soul in hell. Imagine you just arrive in hell with an gigantic amounts of power, i wouldn't need to sell my soul for more power if i already got so much.

Now how to explain this is that lilith OR roo (i really like the roo theory) came to him when he was alive to kinda set him up as a puppet for when he would arrive in hell. He is a psychopathic serial killer, who wouldn't want to have him on a leash to do your bidding in hell.

But it makes much more sense cause when he was alive he would have no idea what a soul contract would mean, or he has suspicions that its weird but he would agree much faster. Definitely when roo or lilith would say that it could help him killing people who were like his father. He also canonnically is a mama's boy so roo or lilith could use that too.

But that is the part where he sold his soul, now what would happen in hell and his dissapearence

So when he came into hell he realized he was on a leash. We got 2 different routes that replies to the person, roo or lilith

Lilith:

- the killing spree of Alastor of overlords is not a command its just him wanting to kill them and show his power

- lilith wouldnt order him around much in the time when he arrived in hell and his dissapearence i think.

- when he dissapeared maybe she just locked him up for a time-out or he could have brought him to heaven, maybe to see his mother but that's a bit long stretched.

- after he came back he recieved an order to look after her daughter in the hotel or he went down there without an order to get close to the Princess of hell to free himself from his leash

But we also got roo who i think could be eve or her spirit became roo and Eve is sorta trapped in roo

So imagine this alright? You are the cause for sin to get a physical form or exist and you dont get to rule hell but you are banished while the ones who baited you into sin can happily rule hell and are the most powerfull beings there. I would be pretty pissed and angry.

Here's where Alastor comes into the story.

Roo:

- so she got his soul when he was alive and gave him some extra powers in hell (or all but that makes him really weak and kills his hype and kinda destorys his character, that he actually is a weak guy who recieved all his powers)

- here his killing spree on overlords would be a training for him to eventually kidnap the Queen of hell for roo

- could be that that was earlier in time and she disgueses herself as lilith to destroy the marriage between her and lucifer or lilith destroyed the relationship herself and got kidnapped which follows to her 7 year dissapearence

- so when Alastor kidnapped lilith he would no longer be of use and be put in time out (what really would make it tragic is what i read in a fic is that he would be locked up in a black void with nothing except himself for 7 years and i kinda love it)

- roo got notice of a hotel by the Princess of hell and that was her next target, the daughter of Lucifer and lilith, so she sent Alastor to the hotel to befriend charlie so she could use it later in her revenge

And now we are at the end of the series but some small things are (explained) further in this post:

- His rivalry with lucifer: he just hates him because of lilith

- the eyes following him would refer to roo watching him

- lilith on the beach could be eve just enjoying a vacation while her puppet is doing all the work

- also in ep5 it was eve's hair, not lilith she never had her hair like that

- my personal theory for alastor's smile is thats its stitched to prevent him from talking about his deal, sure be can talk that he made a deal otherwise Husk couldn't know but he cant say anything about what was in the contract and with who

I know the lilith theory is really popular but it just seems so obvious, too obvious and why would lilith even want alastor's soul i cant think of a reason for it

Anyways thanks for reading my theory ❤️

[shrubmogai]

prettydielyrica - a gender connected to the lines "but if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive / i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die" from "brand new city" by mitski

[hitori-eli]

"but if i gave up being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive " fem!zen /yuna ryu