#but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldnt know how to be alive

[thenightwinggraveyard]

the rotting daughter

perhaps it’s an indicator of how far gone i am; that when faced with their pitying eyes and furrowed brows, all i can do is smile ruefully. 

they say they’re upset that i’m upset. 

they say they’re not disappointed, just worried. and what do i say to that? 

do i tell them that what they’re feeling for me is only a modicum of the depths of my solemn despair? 

do i tell them that the ache is all i know? 

do i tell them that there isn’t a single waking moment where i’m not wishing i was someone else; somewhere else? 

how can i possibly communicate that i don’t know how to not hate what i am.

how do i put into words that no matter what i do, nothing could make up for the fact that it’s me doing it. 

sometimes, it seems that it was my fate to be a ruined daughter. 

i was destined for nothing else but too dry eyes and self-condemning smiles; 

there is a rot inside me that has been there since birth.

- from a girl with anxiety (and some other problems too)

[stillwithmeisonlyyou]

I haven't been depressed enough to listen to mitski lately but god i miss that women so today was the mf ing day lets go

This is my mitski playlist btw nothing special except for mitski herself

[ominouspositivity-or-else]

unrelated but i think unboxing our ideas of what it means to be masculine or feminine is how we're going to win the battle we are currently fighting. i just think it will help. a lot.

[liyrical]

mitski was NOT joking when she said i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die

[shigarexia]

i'm actually at the point in my life where i would love to recover and don't even want to have an eating disorder anymore but i don't know what to do with my life if i'm not pursuing beauty.

[psychoplasm-girl]

maybe i should stop listening to hole and mistki and stop watching the virgin suicides and girl interrupted and stop reading the bell jar and stop looking at crime scene images and drawing corpses and

[witski]

girl help i think my life is losing momentum, i think my ways are wearing me down

[niftykin]

"Im so sorry to bother you at home"

Starring: Nishinoya Yuu

Sypnosis: He has been trying to hit on you subtly for quite a few time, but he has grown a little more determinate now.

Request: Hello! Could you please write a Nishinoya x female reader where she’s seen by everyone as a serious, menacing person, when in reality she’s really just socially awkward and dense? Nishinoya tries hitting on her doing the usual tricks like flowers and bears and pick up lines but she’s just confused. Finally he just becomes more direct with her and honest and slowly she falls for him too? I’m sorry if it’s a bit too detailed and it’s okay if you don’t do this haha it’s been at the back of my head for a while

A/N: This one was so cute to write!, i tried to be really quick making this but the inspiration came to me like a thunder and here we are. Remember i use she/her in this fic.

Nishinoya Yuu. The thunder of the Karasuno team, always so energetic and kind, oftenly called delusional by his feelings towards Kiyoko, little did they know that it wasent a crush, he admired her and by that her personality and how she acted; But he liked you, he admired you and wordshipped the very floor you stepped on.

His tries were almost pathetic, sure he could tell Kiyoko anything btu it was different when it was you, he shacked and mumbled like a little kid inlove everytime he crossed any words with you. Everyone could tell but some way you didnt; Not even the flowers he gave you, little gifts he made for you with his own hands (which were a cute detail since he isnt pretty good with manualities) But from time to time his friends started to see that there was no response tho this little acts.

"She doesn't like you and she's acting like that to decline your feelings nicely" He heard one of them said, his heart ached but then Hinata spoke answering to the previous person, his words were filled with determination and his obvious spark that always bringed hope to everyone. "And what if she isnt?, she could see it was a friendly gesture. Nishinoya haven't talked about his feelings openly to her"

Hinata had a point, Sugawara and Daichi agreed, yes Nishinoya and his friends could think those hints were obvious enough to tell that he was completely head over heels inlove with you. But they know him as a friend and since pretty long time comparing to you; They weren't you and that meant they didnt feel or thinked like you.

He planned his confession, would you like something big? the whole school knowing?, No, it will make you agree by social pressure, Did you liked him enough to say 'Yes' without much people knowing? Oh God.

It was 6PM on a friday. He can remember it vividly, his steps were hard on the floor and his fingers were digging into his shirt and on the little box he held, his palms sweated and his face was red; He knocked at your door. After a few minutes you opened the door.

"Hey, im so sorry to bother you at home" he started as he saw you, his face blushed and his cologne was subtle as always. "I know that this might be hard but... I dont know what to say" he started panicking.

"I like you a lot" He finally stated after a sigh, his gaze fixated on the floor, the blush on his cheeks made him look heated, his breathing was heavy and his mind was longing and pleading for an answer.

"Are you being serious?" You spoke, a hidden tint of amusement in your voice, his feeling were glowing as he answered "Of course i am, why wouldnt i? i like you so much" He said as he took another step, reflecting his mind and then doing the opposite and stepping back, he didnt wanted to make the situation awkard, he just wanted to finally be totally sincere with you.

little did he know you liked him aswell, but oh lord he is the happiest man alive.

"Hey, i bringed this for you too" He said as he smiled at you, more confident and smug after your answer, handing you a little figure you have been longing to have since quite a few time. He buyed it for you since the first day you mentioned it but he decided to wait untill the ocation was perfect, and sure it was.

[doomedbythenarrator]

if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive

grace vanderwaal // unknown // nessa barrett // fleabag // unknown // @/seravph // john berger // unknown // susan sontag // mitski

[lavaablast]

My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)

(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)

Kai Smith:

the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)

self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)

orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form

hear me out on this one, i know he eats junkfood (so do orthorexics okay every 3d is diferent) anyway he never does it alone. he eats junkood only with other people, and he's always thinking he'll "make up for it" later. so yes he eats junkfood and yes he is orthorexic (felt like i had to defend my point there dsfsd)

body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like

"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said

has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"

anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->

guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes

sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)

claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)

has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)

ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others

is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)

lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)

loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does

cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->

his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone

tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)

loves too hard

hates too hard

BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)

trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro

commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom

actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much

great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)

hot. thats all i rest my case

loves himself but hates himself

everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does

hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.

hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)

likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")

infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT

red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red

has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)

everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again

drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)

will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)

wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)

paints his nails black or red.

has a strand of hair dyed red all the time

perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)

would be a hyena i he was an animal

hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing

"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games

loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things

stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->

makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite

selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it

please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain

thats it for now cfdsfdr

[lyrarizi]

Alastor theory time:

I have had a theory about his soul deal for so long and i decided to finally share it

I think Alastor sold his soul when he was alive, dont come at me. It just makes much more sense to me than him selling his soul in hell. Imagine you just arrive in hell with an gigantic amounts of power, i wouldn't need to sell my soul for more power if i already got so much.

Now how to explain this is that lilith OR roo (i really like the roo theory) came to him when he was alive to kinda set him up as a puppet for when he would arrive in hell. He is a psychopathic serial killer, who wouldn't want to have him on a leash to do your bidding in hell.

But it makes much more sense cause when he was alive he would have no idea what a soul contract would mean, or he has suspicions that its weird but he would agree much faster. Definitely when roo or lilith would say that it could help him killing people who were like his father. He also canonnically is a mama's boy so roo or lilith could use that too.

But that is the part where he sold his soul, now what would happen in hell and his dissapearence

So when he came into hell he realized he was on a leash. We got 2 different routes that replies to the person, roo or lilith

Lilith:

- the killing spree of Alastor of overlords is not a command its just him wanting to kill them and show his power

- lilith wouldnt order him around much in the time when he arrived in hell and his dissapearence i think.

- when he dissapeared maybe she just locked him up for a time-out or he could have brought him to heaven, maybe to see his mother but that's a bit long stretched.

- after he came back he recieved an order to look after her daughter in the hotel or he went down there without an order to get close to the Princess of hell to free himself from his leash

But we also got roo who i think could be eve or her spirit became roo and Eve is sorta trapped in roo

So imagine this alright? You are the cause for sin to get a physical form or exist and you dont get to rule hell but you are banished while the ones who baited you into sin can happily rule hell and are the most powerfull beings there. I would be pretty pissed and angry.

Here's where Alastor comes into the story.

Roo:

- so she got his soul when he was alive and gave him some extra powers in hell (or all but that makes him really weak and kills his hype and kinda destorys his character, that he actually is a weak guy who recieved all his powers)

- here his killing spree on overlords would be a training for him to eventually kidnap the Queen of hell for roo

- could be that that was earlier in time and she disgueses herself as lilith to destroy the marriage between her and lucifer or lilith destroyed the relationship herself and got kidnapped which follows to her 7 year dissapearence

- so when Alastor kidnapped lilith he would no longer be of use and be put in time out (what really would make it tragic is what i read in a fic is that he would be locked up in a black void with nothing except himself for 7 years and i kinda love it)

- roo got notice of a hotel by the Princess of hell and that was her next target, the daughter of Lucifer and lilith, so she sent Alastor to the hotel to befriend charlie so she could use it later in her revenge

And now we are at the end of the series but some small things are (explained) further in this post:

- His rivalry with lucifer: he just hates him because of lilith

- the eyes following him would refer to roo watching him

- lilith on the beach could be eve just enjoying a vacation while her puppet is doing all the work

- also in ep5 it was eve's hair, not lilith she never had her hair like that

- my personal theory for alastor's smile is thats its stitched to prevent him from talking about his deal, sure be can talk that he made a deal otherwise Husk couldn't know but he cant say anything about what was in the contract and with who

I know the lilith theory is really popular but it just seems so obvious, too obvious and why would lilith even want alastor's soul i cant think of a reason for it

Anyways thanks for reading my theory ❤️

[one-annon]

Adam stanheight x fem reader pls? Anything works.

Ty!!! ♡

-- ADAM FAULKNER/FEM!READER --

finally...finally finished this...i apologize so so much for the wait

i tried making it f!reader but it feels more gn!reader than anything...hope thats okay!

tw! ptsd/panic attack/nightmare sorta stuff

it had been about a month since your boyfriend was saved from that bathroom. according to him, the guy he was with came back. you knew he was lying. he had that same look in his eyes he gave you when he said he ate all his food he needed to for that day - or when he says he did, in fact, zip up his fly before you two left the house. it was a look that said 'im knowingly lying to you and i feel guilty about it'.

what he wasn't lying about, though, was his night terrors after. not only that but also his newfound fear of being alone and the dark. before, he wouldnt mind laying alone in bed in his dark room, cigarette in hand. but after he couldnt even handle the dimming lights of movie theaters, which restricted your movie date nights to being a home event. it frustrated you a few times, but you understood. it was a traumatic event you could never understand because you didnt experience it.

you didnt know how adam felt when he woke up gasping for air after a nightmare. usually, he would call you, ask you to stay on the phone with him for just for a little while. just until he calms down. he always sounded so broken, so utterly pathetic that it was hard to not take pity on him.

today though, was a little different. after major convincing, adam agreed to stay over at your house. you two had a great night - tasty dinner, a movie night (which included adam laughing as you screamed at horror movies), and even a bath together. adam always tried his best to be romantic. he may not have money, but he has a heart. that you know. right before bed, he had done your hair, carefully brushing the knots and tangles out and commenting about how gorgeous you were.

"im so lucky," he had said, running his fingers through a small section he had just brushed. "youre such a pretty lady - model material even! and i somehow scored you? i really dont know how that happened.."

you both went to bed happy, cuddled and warm in each others embrace. he was curled up, face hidden away from the world in your chest - his favorite place. you didnt mind, humming a soft tune as he wrapped his lanky arms around you. he squeezed you tight, holding his breath just long enough to where he could hear your heartbeat. quiet enough so he can hear that youre with him. that youre alive. he's not in that awful bathroom anymore - hes here with you in your bed.

the two of you fell asleep peacefully, the big blanket draped over you two helping with the cold of the room but the fan running above you kept you from overheating. everything was going so well. he was comfortable, you were comfortable. everything had gone just as it planned to be. you had your beautiful boy asleep, you were asleep. truly, it was one of the best days of your week.

you didnt dream that night. which, to be honest, you never really were one to dream. you knew adam was though. sometimes, when he had good dreams, he would tell you about them while you made breakfast (because lord forbid he step into the kitchen). sometimes he wouldnt be able to recall them and sometimes he would tell you about how, oh, his friend had taken him to a bar and there was such a pretty lady there that looked just like you and then he realized, oh it is you. and he was so happy to see you because, oh, him and scott were so wasted and, oh..is breakfast already done?

then there was the times he had bas dreams. like tonight. again. you woke up to him shaking so hard you, just for a moment, thought he was seizing or something. taking a good look at him, you realized that wasnt the case. his eyebrows ere tightly knitted together, lips parted as he muttered to himself about wanting to live, soft gasps slotting themselves between his quiet begs. your shirt that he was still gripping was wet with his tears.

glancing over at the clock, you squinted as you tried to read what it registered the time to be. 2:36 am. okay. cool. whatever. you sigh, rubbing your hand up and down adams back to try and wake him up or lull him out of whatever bad dream had a hold on him tonight and back to restful sleep. you swore to yourself, pinching at the bridge of your nose to try and keep yourself awake.

by this point, you were going to call adams brother specs to see if he has some fuckass demon holding him down. you knew that wasnt it. well, there were no physical demons.

you knew who his demons were. he could perfectly describe them to you and one of them you knew personally. blonde, tall, divorced. you had seen him around the hospital you had grown to know thanks to adam. the boy seemed to panic at the very mention of the oncologist, rambling and sobbing while he told you how the man was supposed to come back and save him.

you knew he didn't. adam had told you the gruesome details about how he had to eat someones body - cannibalize someone - just to survive. you tried to take him to a therapy group you had read about full of other jigsaw survivors but he couldnt go. not when he saw that blonde man limp his way into the room. not when he saw how calm he was as he sat down. you remember waiting in the car, hoping everything went alright. but when adam slammed the door closed and begged you to drive off before the session was even done, you knew it was useless.

so now here you were, trying to comfort his sleeping form. at some point, the dream had shifted. he was moving around in his sleep, either grabbing at you or at his foot. his broken foot. adam had totally shattered his foot to escape the bathroom. apparently, he didnt have the guts or the materials to cut his leg like that demon of his did, but he had the toilet lid next to him. if it was heavy enough to kill the man he cannibalized, he said, it was heavy enough to free him.

adam kept his grip on you. he kept muttering to himself. he kept crying. he looked so pathetic. he was such a mess. you just wanted to go back to sleep.

frustrated and tired, you shook him awake. "adam.." you whispered, fighting how heavy your eyelids were. "adam, wake up.." your voice seemed to coax him out of his sleep, a sharp gasp escaping him. he shot up, cold sweat running down his neck as his lungs worked overtime to get air into his body. you were quick to hold him. "cmon..its okay.." you mutter, too tired to fully process that he was trying to dig his way under your skin with his blunt nails.

adam heaved, trying to focus on your voice. he choked out words you couldnt process. knowing him, he was probably apologizing again. you carefully wrapped your arms around adam. enough pressure for him to feel your presence and hopefully bring him back to you, but not enough pressure to suffocate him.

"youre safe, baby.." your voice was right next to his ear. slowly, he relaxed. the boy came back to reality, letting himself go limp in your embrace. he rested his head on your shoulder, turning in a way where his nose was buried in your neck. adam held onto your upper arms, making sure you were still there with him.

you could feel how he stopped breathing. he had to make sure you were still breathing yourself. he had to make sure your heart was still beating. he had to make sure you were alive. adam's hands trailed down your arms until they slipped off, kneading at the bedsheets. he was home. he was safe. those bruised hands patted around, made sure that the lid wasnt around. that the body he had to tear his teeth into wasnt still rotting near him.

eventually, he calmed down. adam refused to separate himself from you. you refused to let him go. a yawn escaped past your lips and you knew it was time to go back to bed. turning your head, you looked at the clock again. 3:27 am. fuck, had it really been that long? time felt like it was going by so quickly. maybe it was because you were tired. you had no sense of time at the moment.

really, that didnt matter. you were here with adam. adam was here with you. his cold hand reached up and played with your hair, reminding himself you were here. you moved him so he was lying back down, his eyes watching you closely as you joined him on the mattress. he continued to stare at you, big sad eyes locking with yours. you smile at him. he smiles back the best he can. it was sad. a sad smile. you hated seeing that one.

"better?" you ask, voice just barely there and heavily laced with drowsiness.

adam nods, his hand resting on top of yours. "yeah..better..im sorry."

you shake your head just slightly, pressing a kiss to his forehead. "none of that. not now." you squeeze his hand gently, letting him shift ever so closer to you. adam hides right under your chin, nose stuffed in the dip of your collarbone. he was safe. he was loved. he was saved. you were his angel. you helped ward off the demons. you helped get the bad thoughts out of his head. you helped him.

as much as it frustrated you, you were adam's savior. and you were okay with it. as long as it meant you got your precious boy the other times his nightmares didnt have him. his fingers, which were still carding through your hair, froze. his breathing slowed and his body seemed to melt into the bed. finally, finally, you were able to relax. you held the other close, making sure he was asleep before heading back to bed yourself. you two could chat about whatever nightmare he had while he made breakfast. ><><><><><>< haha its 2 30 am

[90shetfield]

When he comes out at night - James Hetfield x F!Y/N

When Y/N runs away from home she thinks she's going to die out in the forest all alone with nothing left of her. When suddenly a werewolf comes to help her out...

CHAPTER 1

So tear me open poor me out…

1991

You walk around the dark mysterious forest. The eeire feeling in your gut sends chills down your spine. You're scared but more lonely than anything. The  empty forest reminds you of how empty you really feel right now. You ran away from home not looking back as your mom screamed for you. The hardships you’ve had to endure over the years living in that horrible house gave you the courage to finally escape. Now though, you 're alone with no one to help you through it all. Did you make a mistake? No it's better to feel like this then endure another day at that hell hole.

You kick around the leaves enjoying the rustling sound they make. Focusing on the leaves made all the huge problems go away like how you're basically dead if you don't go back or you're dead when you do go back. Either way doesn't seem good and you know that. The cold fall air whisps around you giving you more chills. You wrap your arms around your body, wincing at how cold it is. You have no jacket, nothing to cover your bare skin from the harsh elements. Only being in a tank top and some jean shorts. Hopefully you could find somewhere to stay for the night.

“God this was so stupid!” you yell at yourself kicking the leaves with more veracity. The dead tree branches  dance in the wind. You look up at the bright moon wishing everything will work out.

You hear some howling in the background. It sounds pretty close to where you are unease sets in, you quicken your pace trying to get away from it. The last thing you want is to end up as food for the wolfs. You look around realizing how far you’ve gone into the forest. 

You're lost. You went too far into the forest and now you can't find your way out. 

On top of that you're freezing and might be dead by tomorrow if you don't figure something out quickly. But how can you when you have nothing? Just let the wolves eat you.

You hear another howl even more loud and close. Running would be pointless anyways…. It simply wasn't made for you to make it out alive. You sit down on the brownish grass covered in multicolored dead leaves. You lie your back on the grass reaching your arms out once again staring at the moon. The glow it admits gave you hope but all of that was extinguished.

“I should've just stayed at home. I wouldnt of ended up like this. I could be outside the stupid dumb forest and not be lost by now”

“Yeah you could have a man..What made you want to leave here? It's not exactly meant for you in here” The rustling of the leaves becomes present as another voice responds to your self doubt. The growl in his voice sounds exactly like the wolf you hear earlier.

you sit up fast  looking at the thing in front of you. The moonlight doesn't give you much help to see who it is. You can pick up on the hair all over and the sharp fangs exposed with his snarky smile.

You back up as fear plagues your mind and body. What is that? What kind of monster? All these burning questions crowd your mind. He steps closer to you. The dark yellowish tint in his blue eyes shine out giving you more than unease and discomfort.

“W-what are you!?” he reaches his hand out. The sharp claws scratch your skin. You push him away, backing up more and more. You also saw ears on top of his head. Li\ke some humanoid creature.

“I'm James, James Hetfield and you?” He kneels down putting his hand on his chest showing you that he's not going to hurt any bit of you.

“I-i’m Y/N” the nervous shake of your voice doesn't seem to go away quite as your heart beats back and forth, thumping in your chest.

“That's a beautiful name, Y/N. What are you doing out here in the forest? It's not safe especial

Ly at night” his sincerely shows as he reaches his hand out again. This time you slowly take it, he helps you up.

“James uh? You didn't say what exactly you are?”still curious, you ask him again what he is. He sighs.

“I'm a werewolf Y/N”

“Pfft” You laugh at his ridiculous claim. Werewolf really? Yeah right those aren't real! He could never be a werewolf no matter how hard he thinks he is.

“You don't believe me?” you nod still laughing at him. He grabs you by the shoulder and brings you closer to him. Your body heats mix together so you feel his breath tingle down your face. You gulp starting to realize maybe he really isn't joking. He holds you in a tight embrace. You feel the fuzzy fur on his chest. It all sets in he really is a werewolf, from the claws to the ears to the glint in his eyes it all makes sense now

Werewolves are real… and one's right in front of you right now.

“See? Why didn't you see before? It's not like i look like a human right now..” he lets you go not wanting to overstep his boundaries only just having met you a couple of minutes ago

“I don't know! Maybe because everyone says werewolves aren’t real!” His huge stature towers over you. He's really tall compared to the average inhuman right now.

“But wait, you can turn back to a human?” 

“Every Night when the sun rises i turn back.” he grabs your arm making sure you follow him. After a little bit he lets go again. You guys walk with each other down farther into the forest. He takes the lead trying to keep you safe but it's like he's on edge for some reason, like somebody's watching him.

“You turn back every night? I thought it was only on the full moon?” he shakes his head

“I wish that was the case, it's a common misconception for us. Some can turn only on the full moon but most of us turn every single night”

“That must be hard for you huh?” You ask him to feel a sense of caring for the poor man. You touch his long blonde hair coming from his head. The blonde color is different from the deep brown of his fur. It adds a nice bit of contrast to him. The ears twitch at the sound of anything big or small. Even if you didn't hear it he did. He growls a little bit at the sudden contact. You take away your hand, keeping it down by your side, not touching him anymore.

“Oh uhm, I'm sorry I'm not used to people doing that…it's not that hard for me i've gotten used to it y’know” he looks away from you avoiding your kind gaze. You put an arm around his big body giving him a warm open hug. He stops dead in his tracks unsure on what to do.

“Its okay to let people care for you james” You look up at him. The irises glowing yellow like usual but have a hint of admiration for you. Nobody has ever done this for him, he never thought that anyone, even a stranger like you, would care so deeply about him even when he's in his human form.

“Why are you hugging a literal werewolf you met 30 minutes ago, aren't you scared I might kill you? He pulls you off of him still hiding his face. You could tell he had a small hint of blush adorned on his cheeks though.

“It's better than living the life i've been living” You tell him honestly. You remember the horrid nights at your house, all the screaming and threats made everyday. The walls filled with things that inspired you so that one day you could run away and live the dream. Some dream you're living right now, huh?

“You went through alot huh?” you nod shivering at the cold.

“Are you cold?” You nod again, he picks you up bridal style, you thought about fighting but you never matched your body movements with it. Instead you let him wrap you up in his big arms. You rest your head on his chest, the fur making you feel so much more warm now.

“Thank you James, i still don't know how i'm going to survive out here though, i'm all alone”

“You could always stay with me man.. I have a house in the next town over, I come to the forest at night, i don't want people to see me like this..” You touch his hair again. He doesn't swat you away just letting you do it. You snuggle into his embrace getting even closer in his arms. Your hair blows in the cold air. This is your life now, running away from your house to being in the arms of some sort of thing  that nobody thought was actually real.

You two hear ruffling behind you guys.  Your gut  drops hearing the voice of your mom call out for you. The fake sound of concern and worry in her high pitch voice. You tug on James' fur all the angst and hurt filling your body once again. The memory’s flood of all the times she hurt you or favored others over her own kin. He looks down at you seeing all the emotions across your face realizing what's going on

“Y/N! Is that you?” James shields you away from her so she doesn't see you. He caresses your cheek telling you that he’ll get you to safety. He looks up at the moon, catching a glimpse of its setting. He's going to turn back soon.

“Shit” he mutters to himself. You guys are pretty stuck. You think for a moment what could you do to get out of this... An idea appears in your mind. You give him a devilish smirk and he looks at you confused.

“James, that was you howling before right?” you whisper softly and quietly, making sure your mom doesn't hear you.

“Yeah? What are you planning?” he looks back behind him catching a glimpse of your mother approaching in her tattered white nightgown.

“Can you howl? She might hear it, get scared and run off. Where we live the fear of wolves is everywhere in someone's mind. my mom is petrified of wolves” He matches your smirk. He gently sets you down on the side of a tree hiding you from your mothers gaze.

He backs up from you, holding a tight pose getting ready to howl. He looks you dead in the eyes before releasing a loud gnarly howl. The deep undertones are the same ones that scared you so bad earlier but now you actually kind of like the howl. you cover your ears  as he howled much larger and bigger than the first couple of howls you heard.

As expected your mom screams and runs away without ever seeing you or james. You hear something drop from out of her pocket. A loud metal clash hits the rock on the dead patch of grass. You run over to see it. The glistening reflection shows you it's a knife. You pick it up admiring the intricate symbols on it carved in the metal permanently.

“What's that Y/N?” your blank expression says it all. You drop the knife on the ground again, smudging it into the dirt in anger.

“She was going to kill me, this knife was my grandmothers, there's only one reason why she brought it,” you sigh, picking up the slightly damaged dager planning to use it when the situation calls for it.

“C’mon James it's almost morning, let's get to your home” he grabs your hand taking you away. He grabs your legs, lifting you up on his back. He secures your legs with his arms letting you ride on his back.

“This’ll be faster and I don't want you walking so much” he picks up speed really quickly zooming past all of the trees and plants. All of this feels like a fever dream, but it's not.not anymore. You fall asleep on his back snoring the night away.

-~-~-~-

You wake up in a small bed. The heavy blankets covering your body, adorned with a light jacket. The sunlight peaks out from the dark washed curtains. You slowly lift yourself up sitting on the bed now looking at the sun.

“Are you feeling a little bit warmer?” James comes into the room. You turn to look at him. Your eyes widened with shock. He's human now! The playful smirk never left  his face. The long blonde hair  comes down to his shoulder just like when he was a werewolf. His chest covered with a black tank top revealing some of his chest hairs. He paired it with a black belt and jeans the only hint of color is from his brown boots. The facial hair complements his entire face so well. He looks heavenly but of course you're not going to tell him that.

“Oh uhm- yeah i am thank you james” you look back out at the window. The cars passing by as pedestrians walk into countless shops and restaurants. The village was a lot bigger than you expected. And much more modernized too. Your mother shielded you away from a lot of the modern things so all of this was new.

“Here all i have is beer so uh drink up man” he throws you a cold canned beer. You open it up drinking some of the bitter liquid. A unique taste you opted to say before downing the whole thing in mere seconds. James laughs, taking the can out from your hand and throwing it in the  trash.

“Who knew you were already an alcoholic!” you roll your eyes spotting the dagger still covered in dirt on the small table in the middle of the room.

“I'm not!” you pout as he still laughs, messing your hair up. 

“You're going to be safe with me Y/N i promise, i won't let her take you.” he puts a hand on your shoulder caressing it. You look up at him the yellow in his baby blue eyes disappeared

“Thank you James i'm never going to forget this”

[xxxg0ryygurlll13xxx]

i feel reallllllly bad abt this

so some backstory my bf plays a lot of military video games (war thunder esp thats his fave) and loves military boats and planes and wants to go into the military via an academy.

i have a complicated relationship w the military and military men. a lot of the men in my family (my grandfathers, uncles, cousins etc) were at one point in the military and it didnt go well for any of them. they all have major issues cause of their service. my grandfather developed a drinking problem after vietnam, my great uncle extreme PTSD after fighting in Iraq and all have or had been abandoned by the govt esp my uncles. so needless to say i have a weird relationship w the us govt and military systems.

so my bf wants to go into the military and while im well aware that high school sweethearts usually dont work out weve been dating for over 3 years straight and bros been talking abt marriage lately so i kinda have a feeling well last so his military dreams scare the SHIT out of me. not just the possibility of having him come back in a casket, or not coming back at all but him coming back so different, angry/violent or a drunk or an addict or sick or all of the above. i want him to be happy but i dont want him to come back blown to bits or missing limbs.

hes one of those people who wants to do it for the glory. the love of country the idea of coming back a hero. the way the current politics are going in america were probably gonna have a huge war soon maybe even on 2 fronts, WWIII. that scares me too just in general and add someone i love so much so far for so long going years w/o seeing him, sometimes not knowing if hes dead or alive. scares me but thats so selfish. thats my problem im so selfish about it. ive told him my concerns and it makes me feel like a bad person cause ik he wants this pretty bad tho he did say if he doesnt get into an academy he wont enlist hell go somewhere else for engineering and work for the govt that way. but i just feel so selfish. i want him to be happy but i also want him alive and safe.

also while im being honest here i really dont think hes military material. hes not very uh fit (i doubt hed pass the physical test), his grades r pretty average the academies r really hard to get into, hes EXTREMELY stubborn which the military would not at all approve of he only does one extracurricular, and he has some other problems i wont mention that wouldnt go well in the military. so his chances at an academy arent very high but just enough to scare me.

and i know its selfish which is why i feel so bad about it. its so complicated. on one hand i really dont want him to go and i just want him to consider the pros and cons, he has a very video game propaganda-y watered down "glory" view of the military that they can do no wrong and i know the other end the trauma, the abandonment, the fear, ive heard the stories the stories of men watching each other get blown up, watching civilians struggle to breathe cause of the chemicals we used, my grandfather had to watch his best friend get his legs blown off. the coming back different, changed and not for the better. sure the glorys nice the honor is amazing but at what cost? i have relatives who have purple hearts and were abandoned by the system that gave it to them. on the other hand tho i know its so selfish to not want him to follow what he wants to do. to tell him he shouldnt, that its a bad idea, that its not worth it, that the risk isnt worth the possible reward, to think abt how once u sign on that dotted line u cant quit till ur contract is up. im gonna follow my dreams of being an artist so why should i let him follow his?

i feel so conflicted abt it. i cant tell where the line between caring and selfishness is. i feel guilty and selfish and scared all at the same time. i hope and pray he changes his mind but i know i cant make him no matter how many times i not so subtly mention the possiblity of death, disability, PTSD the thousands of things that can go wrong. i feel so selfish but i cant help my fear. i think i care too much. thats my problem. i care too much abt his physical safety i overlook his happiness. i apologized to him abt my selfishness over this like a half hour ago and havent heard back.

[klapollo]

but if i gave up on being pretty i wouldnt know how to be alive

[shrubmogai]

prettydielyrica - a gender connected to the lines "but if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldnt know how to be alive / i should move to a brand new city and teach myself how to die" from "brand new city" by mitski