#but if he doesn't . man . i will be so deeply disheartened and frustrated. like i don't think i Can work harder

[callixton]

also no offense but if i don't end up getting into nti next year and i Don't get the student full length. when i am the only director in our year who actually plans to go into this professionally and hasn't decided to change paths post college. well i will be so so so upset

[piratecaptainscaptainpirates]

One of the things that still really frustrates me is how we know the crew of OFMD were so intentional with cutting off any "Ed is abusive!" allegations at the knees.

There are three things from Ed's kraken spiral that we know for a fact did not make it into the show. One of them (the scene of Ed throwing a knife at Izzy) even made it into the trailer before it was cut; the other two I'm thinking of are the bts footage we have of Ed drinking heavily the night he has his last fantasy of looking at the cake toppers and a still of Ed making the bride cake topper push around the groom.

I think all three of these things were very wise to cut and it's obvious why they did it. The drinking and throwing stuff ran the risk of making Ed look too much like his abusive dad (not to mention heavy drinking tied to abusive behavior runs into deeply uncomfortable stereotypes about indigenous men like Ed), and when all we see of Ed is him gently caressing the cake topper that reminds him of Stede, it reinforces a core aspect of Ed as a person, which is how he would never, ever hurt Stede and wants nothing but gentleness and tenderness for and from him.

And it's incredibly frustrating that these things weren't enough. We're shown over and over again that Ed during the kraken spiral, right up until his mutiny-as-a-suicide-attempt, is doing normal piracy (that's why Archie is here! The only characters who are emotionally affected are the ones who know what life was like on Stede's ship!), and the only person who is actually physically harmed is Izzy (for good reason in Ed's mind; he was the trigger for the whole thing and Ed lists him along with booze and drugs as destructive influences on his life). We even get other characters say things to Stede like "do you think Blackbeard is gonna murder you" and Stede, who explicitly knows Ed better than anyone, is always like "what the fuck are you talking about? Of course not," and he's obviously right.

It's just so disheartening that there can be this much intentionality in making sure it's next to impossible to read a man of color as abusive and it will still happen. White fandom has such a tendency to center itself and white characters that it doesn't even matter how much effort they put into taking the audience by the shoulders and saying "this guy isn't abusive, he's being an imperfect victim in response to being abused himself," up to and including having the white guy in question say on his deathbed "sorry for abusing you for years." And people still wonder why fans of color are sick and tired of this shit to the point where some of us just want to leave fandom altogether.

[average-guy-reviews]

The Banshees Of Inisherin (2022)

"On a remote island off the coast of Ireland, Pádraic is devastated when his buddy Colm suddenly puts an end to their lifelong friendship. With help from his sister and a troubled young islander, Pádraic sets out to repair the damaged relationship by any means necessary. However, as Colm's resolve only strengthens, he soon delivers an ultimatum that leads to shocking consequences."

From the moment I first saw the trailer I was hooked, and needed to see this film. I thought, a little, that I had an idea of what I was in for. I could not have been more wrong. Every other time I have been to the silver screen this year I have just watched a film. This? This was heartbreaking cinema at its finest. It leads you on a journey, draws you in and makes you feel deeply for each of the main characters........and then it plunges an ice cold finger of heartbreak deep into your chest. It is pure drama, with just a sprinkling of lighter moments...though they are few and far between.

Set early in the 20th century, with the Irish Civil War as a backdrop, the film is set on the small island of Inisherin. It's the kind of place where everyone knows everyone, and information spreads like wildfire. Focussing on Pádraic, played by Colin Farrell, and Colm, played by Brendan Gleeson, it tells the tale of two friends. Gleeson's character suddenly announces that he no longer likes, or wants to be around, Farrell's Pádraic. He feels like he wants to concentrate on writing music so that he'll be remembered long past his death...."No-one remembers you for being nice!"

I've always been impressed by both men, despite some questionable performances in the past, but they opened my eyes, and my heart, with their skills on screen in this film. They are quite simply brilliant. The chemistry between the actors is electric, despite the anatgonistic relationship the characters have. Farrell is playing in a style I have never seen him in before. He brings a heart-wrenching character fully to life, a character who is not the brightest and, at first, doesn't understand why his old friend no longer likes him. His is a path I wouldn't want to follow and Farrell marches us down it whether we want to go or not, and by the end I was both grateful and disheartened to have walked that walk. Farrell is excellent.

Brendan Gleeson, as the gruff fiddler Colm, is on fine form. Playing a man that is clearly smarter than Pádraic he has the unenviable job of trying to explain why he no longer likes his friend. As an audience it's clear, and Gleeson's delivery of his explanations is exquisite, as is the build up of frustration. Colm makes a promise to Pádraic about what he will do in a certain situation and, without specific spoilers, he is a man of his word. Gleeson gives us a masterclass in emotional build up, and his and Farrell's performances should be on any curriculum for dramatic acting.

There are two more performances that need to be noted. Barry Keoghan, as Dominic, is cast as the village "gom" (idiot) and is both frustratingly annoying, and loveable to a degree. Early on we discover he is a victim of domestic violence at the hands of his policeman father. Keoghan's performance never wavers, and it is easy to cultivate an emotional attachment to someone who doesn't really understand why he is treated as he is, as well as simply accepting that it is what it is. I don't know Keoghan's work well but this is a damn fine performance.

The last of the four main characters is Pádraic's sister, Siobhán, played by Kerry Condon. To call her the least of the four is both accurate and yet unfair, because her performance is by no means anything that should be looked at as the least. A much smarter sister she has to deal with her brother's difficulties in navigating what is happening. She helps him, sometimes in ways he may not know, and Condon is delightful to watch as she weaves her way through her character's life. She is a welcome addition to an all round wonderful cast.

The film itself has been crafted beautifully. Martin McDonagh, in the director's chair, made decisions that blended everything together seamlessly. His choices of shots across the green, yet dark, landscape of Inisherin, and the amalgamation of music into the story is just so well done. I really hope he is as proud of this film as he deerves to be. He has given me a glimpse into a society I could never have seen, and I thank him for that.

This is a slow film, with a long build up. I don't say this to be negative. Far from it. The pacing of the film is perfect for the story, and the build up of tensions and difficulties is done as well as it may be possible to do. I have been in action packed films and been bored, but at no point in this slow, deliberate, movie did i ever feel less than engaged.

Overall this is brilliant piece of cinema. Excellent performances and a great direction have brought a new story to the screen that i believe could eventualy go down in the books as a classic. I thoroughly enjoyed it, and don't do this lightly, but it is getting a 10/10, with a maximum recommendation to go and see it if you can. I know it won't be for everyome, and that's okay. It was for me, and I am more than glad to have seen it.

[mariellemichelle-blog]

No Commitment, No Sex - What to Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Marry You

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No Commitment, No Sex - What to Do If Your Boyfriend Doesn't Want to Marry You

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You’re stuck. You couldn’t have ever imagined this would be you. You and your boyfriend have been dating for longer than you care to admit. You waited patiently for months for him to pop the all important question and present you with a breathtaking diamond engagement ring, but the wait isn’t over yet, is it? He seems no closer to proposing today than he was on your first date. It’s frustrating. It’s disheartening and it’s confusing. If he loves you as much as he constantly claims he does why the resistance? Beyond that, what should you be doing? You’ve been toying with the idea of giving him an ultimatum. You’re thinking that since he’s withholding the one thing you really want which is a committed future, you should play that game too and withhold the one thing he really wants. But is cutting off intimate contact really the way to get the wedding of your dreams?

Why an Ultimatum Won’t Get You What You Want From Him

The moment a woman threatens her man with an ultimatum that is designed to get her a commitment, she can say goodbye to the dream of being his wife forever. Most men don’t do well when they are cornered emotionally, particularly in relation to something as life changing as an engagement. If you tell your boyfriend that you aren’t going to sleep with him until he becomes your fiancee, you may as well begin packing his things so you can ship him out of your life.

Men do things on their own schedule. It’s the reason it takes a man three hours to take the trash out or six months to get a room painted. When they feel it’s the right time to do something they will gladly do it. Hence the reason you haven’t been sporting an impressive diamond ring on your finger yet. Your boyfriend isn’t ready to ask you to be his wife, and removing sex from the equation certainly isn’t going to speed him along.

What Happens When You Stop Having Sex with Him

If you follow through with your threat to not have sex with him until he proposes, he will deeply resent you. The same is true if you decide to go the more subtle approach and just stop sleeping with him in the hope that he’ll suddenly wise up and realize that he’s going to lose the closeness that you two share unless he decides it’s time to become your better half.

Intimacy is a very important part of a relationship, particularly a relationship that you hope will result in a lifelong commitment. If you remove physical intimacy from the equation you can expect emotional intimacy to collapse as well.

Your boyfriend will likely absorb your refusal to sleep with him (be it an all out “no” or a more simplistic approach such as “I have a headache”) as a personal affront. He’ll be desperately hurt and it will create an emotional barrier between the two of you that will be very difficult for you to overcome.

Talk to Your Boyfriend About What You’re Feeling

If you are indeed feeling less connected to him because you’re hurt by the fact that he doesn’t want to get married, tell him that. Explain that to you, physical and emotional intimacy are interwoven and since you feel rejected in a sense by his refusal to marry you, you’re finding it harder to feel closer to him physically.

It’s important to realize that men tend to see physical intimacy in a very different way than we do. They can separate the emotions from it and are more able to just enjoy sex for what it is physically.

If you calmly and compassionately explain that you’re looking forward to living your life with him and that you feel uncomfortable continuing with intimacy without some sort of promise, expect him to be taken back. It’s important that you don’t tell him that you won’t sleep with him until you’re engaged. Be clear that you want to be intimate but it would hold more meaning if you two were on the path towards a more committed relationship.

Let him know that your needs and desires are just as important to you as his are to him and that you hope, in time, he’ll see the future through the same eyes as you do.

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