#boy also made a comment today abt wanting to act for me in class specifically bc he needs to guarantee that i get the student full length
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also no offense but if i don't end up getting into nti next year and i Don't get the student full length. when i am the only director in our year who actually plans to go into this professionally and hasn't decided to change paths post college. well i will be so so so upset
#i don't think it's gonna happen#tbh it's just me and one friend left in the running#and given that he has just decided he's pursuing paleontology in grad school i think he would probably step down to give it to me#but if he doesn't . man . i will be so deeply disheartened and frustrated. like i don't think i Can work harder#i can just never tell if i'm actually getting better it's such a nebulous thing. people tell me i'm good but idk how to recognize#- when that's true. not in a self confidence way like i literally don't know how to see it or judge my own work#boy also made a comment today abt wanting to act for me in class specifically bc he needs to guarantee that i get the student full length#do you. do you see what i mean. about the weirdness being at least a little mutual#ted talks
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