#but idk i feel like i'm crazy for thinking that should actually involve MAKING the art that they sell

[scatteredcloud]

Going on yet another rant about “merch”

If you did not screen print that shirt yourself, you did not make it.

You made the design on it, which I’m sure would be a nice poster or sticker perhaps? Which of course you didn't print yourself, that sounds hard! An embroidered design? Maintaining a 12 needle embroidery machine capable of producing a design with that many colors for the number of orders being received is a lot of work, that's pretty impressive! Not to mention maintaining proper tension on the frame working with a hundred stretchy t shirts, which idk came from somewhere who knows! Your repeating pattern looks very nice on a skirt that you did not make and was mass produced by some Vietnamese person getting paid pennies so that ~50 gay people on the internet could pay for international shipping for a design you “made”. Wow that mug is awesome didn’t know you got into sublimation printing! And have a cylindrical heat press to be able to do not just mugs, but tumblers too! Woah your sublimation set up can do bed sheets (any size)? And shower curtains? And three different shapes of throw pillow stuffed with poly fill, which will never decompose and isn't comfortable to begin with?

Your poorly digitized vector art looks lovely as an enamel pin now that someone else (Who? More like who cares!) cleaned it up for you and then created moulds for and maybe even hand injected the enamel into only for you to sell maybe seven or eight of them. Aw damn your design got ripped off? Who could have guessed that with the distribution power of an entire manufacturing plafffnt that has hundreds, if not thousands of moulds sitting around that they might have used your mould to make themselves a profit for a change! Those money grubbing Chinese bastards! After all, you were there every step of the way, casting the negative of the mould, running the injection of liquid metal into that mould, mixing each color of enamel, and precisely filling each segment of the design, which you refused to simplify! You just can't compromise with art.

Ohhh I see they’re made to order so its more sustainable. So this factory (Guatemala? India? The Philippines? Pakistan? Could you point to it on a map? They just don't teach you this stuff in school!) Anyways this factory in some poor country has to keep your design on file, oh and for your enamel pins they have to keep the mould too! Ahh right but it’s sustainable, because it's a limited run. You’re the 100th person this week to place an order, and they're only printing 50 of your design, you should complain to the manufacturer about how slow your orders are being filled.

I love supporting small businesses - it’s just you after all! With all the hard work you’ve put into fiddling around in procreate who has time to figure out material acquisition, and production runs, and printer calibration, and inventory management, and machine maintenance, and payment processing, and international shipping, and packaging, and

[transhitman]

Ok I posted about this in anger a while back but I'm gonna say it more intelligently and actually tag it because I think it's something people need to hear. Something that bugs me about how people talk about the morality of the men in this game is that a lot of analysis totally glosses over Anya's motives and what she actually asks of people, and in doing so once again strips her of agency. Like. The reason Curly sucks isn't because he failed to properly punish Jimmy, it's because he ignored Anya in favor of her abuser. He didn't listen to her regarding how to move forward, he didn't give her a way to protect herself. No matter what he would have done to Jimmy, Anya is still traumatized and in danger, and that's the most important point of failure.

I think a lot of people are projecting a revenge fantasy on Anya, and while I'm not gonna argue about the validity of revenge here, for Anya specifically I think that's a major mischaracterization. She's the one who says that our worst moments don't make us monsters. And while yes, this could just be her trying to appease her abusers, she still doesn't strike me as a particularly vindictive person. She's a nurse, symbolically in a role associated with care and healing. Before the crash, she seems like a very soft-spoken and restrained person. Hell, she can't stand giving Curly his meds because she feels so bad for him. There isn't really a point in the game where she calls for violence at all. And even if punishing Jimmy or Curly is morally correct (subjective), saying that it's what anyone Should have done still glosses over Anya's wants and needs. It still centers the abuser, even in vitriol.

It's especially weird to see people judge Swansea on these grounds, because like... We don't know what his dynamic with Anya was like. We don't actually know what she said to him, if she even confided about her pregnancy or the SA at all! I honestly think Swansea's actions give more credence to the idea that Anya herself wanted a peaceful resolution. The whole "Oh, I'm holding it together" thing, him becoming more hostile after speaking with Anya... He waits until Daisuke AND ANYA are dead before trying to kill Jimmy. I think the obvious reading is that he wants Jimmy dead, but Anya asked him not to do anything crazy. Genuinely, I think Anya just wanted to be safe. She wanted out above everything. She didn't want more violence. The only violence she commits is against herself in the end, in order to escape this hell her coworkers made for her.

And like. Swansea is kind of the only one who actually did try to protect Anya in a meaningful way. I won't say that he couldn't have done more for her - all of the men on that ship failed her in some regard - but Swansea intentionally keeps the axe out of Jimmy's hands. He keeps the pod a secret, probably to give to Daisuke, but we can't say anything for sure. I joke that Swansea should have killed Jimmy from the start, but if we're being real that would have been an insane thing to do given what the characters know. But Swansea isn't the point of this post. Like. Idk I just think it's really bizarre that when people discuss Anya's assault, they still do it from the perspective of the men involved. It's weird and I don't like it. Like people have said before me: it's not enough to hate abusers, you have to love victims.

[eejilunio]

I'm gonna say it again because i thought about it again and it disturbed me again.

But to see the graphic decline of Azula's mental health, with her insomnia, hallucinations, crying fits, self-isolation, and final breakdown that Katara and Zuko witnessed first-hand, and then, to see Katara and Zuko and every other characters in the show flourishing shortly after with no mention of Azula ever again, It feels insulting to look at.

Azula showed scary symptoms of mental illness, and that was the first time she showed vulnerability in front of someone, even her parents didn't see that part of her, so it is a huge thing right? By breaking down in front of her brother and his friend, it could have opened the door for communication. So what are they ogling her for? Are they enjoying the show? At least Katara was disturbed and looked away, but then she looked at Zuko as if she felt sad for him, idk, idk what that look meant i'm not psychic, and Zuko just looked stonily at Azula crying. Nobody said anything, nobody moved while Azula was restrained and sobbing. And then the scene fades out. What am i supposed to think of that conclusion? Am i supposed to forget about it afterwards ? Did Zuko and Katara leave her there and rushed to celebrate with their friends ? Is that what happened? Did they help her or not? I needed to know that before the screen faded out. And i could have also known after when every characters in the show made an appearance, if only they showed Azula somewhere.

Azula feels like the elephant in the room at the end of the show. She should be brought up at least in conversation, but the writers don't want to talk about her.

The way the writers focused so much on Zuko's pain and on giving him a beautiful conclusion, but just left Azula like this with Zuko looking disdainfully at her as if she was beneath him, as if he was satisfied of finally beating his sister at something and he was proven right in the fact he is actually better than her at life or something, it makes me angry. Do i misinterpret Zuko's face? Probably. It's not as if i could understand what he felt through his poker face. A poker face in front of someone sobbing feels like disdain to me, if it's not followed by attempts at helping.

It triggers memories of my own breakdown when my mum and brother just looked at me without saying anything.

I feel like that passiveness in front of clear emotionnal distress is the result of a mix of bystander effect and a lack of empathy. You don't feel enough empathy that could drive you to help, and you don't feel responsible for not helping either because there's another person next to you that could have done it too but didn't. So you feel normal by not helping and standing there like a statue. Like an idiot. And it must be an interesting show to them, it breaks the monotony of everyday life at least.

So yes, i'm projecting on Azula, but maybe if the writers didn't want people projecting on her, they shouldn't have made her have such a realistic breakdown.

I feel like the writers managed to write by accident a realistic depiction of how mental illness is handled by most people in society though : by not handling it at all and purposefully ignoring the obvious distress even when it's in your face, because it's more comfortable to look at someone dying inside for years and call them crazy than to actually get involved and talk about feelings.

There, i'm done.

[tsukiyo-7]

Why do you ship wincest?

Don't you ever stop and think maybe it's a little weird to ship two brothers?

Just curious tbh, I really don't get it

Hello there!

I'm just gonna assume this is in good faith because it's better for us both this way.

The why is more or less the same anyone else involved in shipping might give you about their otp or whatever ship they might enjoy; I'm besotted with their dynamic, their interections, the touches and lingering glances, the said AND unsaid. I genuinely don't have the time right now to launch myself in an essay about all the reasons why I think they're crazy for each other, in every sense of the word, nor I think it is exactly what you're looking for, but if you scroll down a little on my blog you will most likely find a comprehensive list of canon moments that might point you to the right direction, if you so feel inclined.

As for the second question. Honestly? No, I don't.

To me, it's literal another fictional thing I enjoy among the countless other. Like, I'm totally aware that from an outside point of view and a surface level it appears fucked up, because that's a kneejerk reaction to the things that make us uncomfortable and, I mean this in the most neutral and non-judgemental way possible, you have to develop a certain level of analisis and disposition to overcome it; just like to some it appears fucked up that I enjoy horror stories or idk, that I can quote all 4 Twilight movies by heart lol. Damn, to some it's fucked up that I even listen to metal, so really, how stressed should I be about what it looks like from the outside? ("It" being my whole scope of interests apparently, depending who you ask).

The whole issues boils down to the fact that it's all not real. I know it's not real, my homies know it's not real, the existence of the ship and me liking it doesn't actually harm anyone, so why worry? I won't suddenly turn into an abuse apologist or whatever people might think because of a ship, because I'm a whole person with critical thinking and a fully developed moral compass that in no way cross paths with whatever is the subject of my bedtime story of the day; and if that was the case then it still wouldn't be the fiction fault but mine, or maybe, at most, of the people who raised me.

If you don't like horror don't watch it, if you don't like metal don't listen to it, if you don't like wincest block me. It's that simple.

[corvidae-corvus]

SOOOOO I'm watching frozen w/ my little sister, and it's bringing back fierce opinions younger me had. And new Opinions that I have now.

Hate that Hans was the bad guy smh. Worse thing ever, little me hated it, and bigger me still hates that even to this day.

My headcanon: Anna, Hans, and Kristoff are all in a polyamorous relationship! ☝️

Idk how it would have happened but it should have happened. I really like Hans as a character and actually now that I'm watching it, I guess it makes sense that he's the bad guy, he has the motives and shit, just the twist villain with him didn't feel right but also it kinda does? Like I can see it works but I don't like the execution? That's just me though.

Anyways my headcanon involves Hans actually caring about Anna and they kiss but it doesn't work. Like what Hans has for her isn't love it's infatuation. Or desire idk, so she thinks that she's actually in love with Kristoff and stuff and so she goes to try and find him. And she is kinda in love with Kristoff, and Hans and her talk and he's understanding and let's her go, or he acts like he's ok with her being in love with another guy and so he's conflicted but he ultimately chooses to let her go. He goes to get Elsa and Anna goes with Olaf to get Kristoff, Uhhhh the bad guy can be the little old man or someone else that was introduced in the beginning idk. Could have introduced another bad guy in the beginning (in this au) anyways everything happens the same towards the end only Anna stops someone who isn't Hans or helps Elsa in some way, elsa hugs Anna proving true love isn't just romantic it can also be familial or platonic or whatever. Kristoff and Anna are dating and Hans has to go back to his kingdom. Also Hans having 12 brothers? Hans saying that he could have caused an accident towards Elsa? Yea that man's family is probably evil. His family is probably more dramatic and evil and stuff. Where else did he get these crazy ideas?

Anyways continuing this au arendale gets more political, Hans has made an impression on the people soooo excuses on how he can go back to arendale, him and Anna catch up, uhhh something happens, now he's forced to spend time with Kristoff, they don't like each other and are jealous of one another, Kristoff fears that Anna will leave him for Hans especially since when her and Hans reunited they had such good chemistry. He calls him a pretty boy (motherfucker thinks he's pretty) Hans calls him a brute underneath his breath (he thinks Kristoff is hot asf) Kristoff is very nice and Hans is kinda like a snake. Anna likes them both.

It's is a "love triangle" Anna wants them to get along Hans Is in love with Anna and unknowingly falls in love with Kristoff, Kristoff is in love with Anna and is also unknowingly fallen in love with Hans. Hans realizes his feelings first. Is in pure agony. I think Kristoff is next actually and he at first thinks he just starts to like Hans as a friend, cue bromance, realizes he's in love with Hans, panics cause instead of worrying about Anna he's worried about himself. Calms down and becomes the most composed since he knows about Polyamory since he grew up with the love experts, now planning on what to do next.

Anna is the last one to realize (she's kinda slow when it comes to romance) panics the most. Goes to the love trolls, cue musical, realizes she is polyamorous and that she might be able to have both.

Hans is dramatic and hates himself. Tries to leave. Anna and Kristoff talk. Uhhhhh something something, Elsa is AroAce and discovers her true love is politics (or is lesbian, both? Her true love is still politics idk). Some bad guy causes trouble, something something Hans, something something Anna and Kristoff tell each other their feelings. Anna and Kristoff try to save Hans. Hans becomes the damsel in distress (Lol). They all tell each other their feelings. Now in a poly relationship.

Elsa's pov is a political drama and The others are a romance.

Hans is introduced to the love experts. (His in-laws)

Happy ending.

[7ringzsidetoside]

white...

okay ik a lot of people were perfectly fine with white dying and everything, and i would've been as well if his character was written better. He is literally placed in this series for the sole purpose of an nc scene and tee's boyfriend. Also keep in mind the nc scene was SO unnecessary AND he was super underage. Like i would've been kinda okay if it was important to the plot (him kissing his neck and rashes appearing there, etc.), but it had NO importance at all. like boc seriously?

anyways, idk if i read into this wrong (i'm lowkey having trouble interpreting all the symbolism the shows throwing at us), but i think the point for this is that tee sees non in white.

which like... first off the only similarity i see is their "innocence" (besides both of them being adorbs) but then again that's not rly true cuz clearly non relies heavily on sex to feel wanted and white literally is hanging out with a fucking thug ass group 24/7. now if it's innocence in terms of like being aware of the type of people around them and shit, i feel like white was pretty aware of everything.

I honestly think it would make more sense if tee was scared that the things he's done to non would impact white. (again i don't know if that was the actual meaning, i suck at symbolism ngl)

But also, i was even more disappointed because i remember in an interview fuaiz was talking about how he was perfect for the character of white, and literally no one could imagine anyone else doing it. Like don't get me wrong, he played it REALLY well, but white's character is SUPER different from how he is in real life. Like even in hidden character, he admitted to getting involved with the wrong crowds and everything. So i was expecting white to be a two-faced bitch who was like also involved with illegal shit but we got a literal angel of a person who's entire existence was used as a punishment for someone else. Atp, anyone "cute looking" could've played the role of white as there was literally no plot besides that.

i just also think that the fact everyone got so worried at barcode having that scene with jjay is incredible double standards. barcode was around fuaiz's age in kp and had incredibly tame scenes for someone with a canon partner (as it should be). Be on cloud threw fuaiz (an actual actor with actual acting experience) into a role with zero character and a shower half-naked with someone 6 years older than him.

honestly, i rly need someone to write fics about white having a character besides being the clueless bf, or else i'm actually gonna go crazy. T-T All i hope is that bro gets some good roles in the future

[elbiotipo]

(sorry for long ask) I always felt that they could've used the civil war as an excuse for why there are a lot of bandits (but not in the way they do now - aka less guards/cops means more criminals). Have soldiers/deserters be a major raiding force, due to not getting paid, poor discipline or the nature of being an occupying force. There could still be other types, but it would break up the fur clad bandit monotany and get you invested in the war without doing the questline.

Also I feel like generic bandits are most often used when an area is cleared out of its more unique inhabitants (even bandits who at least talk or have a leader) but the game wants enemies in case you come back for another quest. Which I think speaks to a level/quest design issue but thats another topic. I feel like indtead of bandits, nature or undead enemies would make more sense. Or have it reinhabited by non hostile npcs.

As for yielding, its crazy how it only appliesnto yourself (with guards) and a few npcs, but its usually scripted so killing them is impossible (they become essential) or illegal (fistfights), otherwise its just a weird animation that happens.

I feel like they could have it at least where if most of bandit group is dead, those hurt can do the yield mechanic and then you sheathe your weapon, and they leave or give you something idk.

Those are great points! I think one big issue with bandits in Skyrim is, as other pointed out, they're randomly generated. If every band was generated for a determined "dungeon", with different motivations and different ways to deal with them that don't involve just killing everyone, it would make a lot more sense and be a lot more fun. In fact, you already see part of this. There are many bandit dungeons with their own special conversations and NPCs (there's one with a blind guy who's the anonymous leader father, and honestly you feel just so bad for him), so they could have tried, they COULD have made them unique. Personalized factions of enemies would bring so much life to the world. Disgraced bands of soldiers, mercenaries or adventurers (actually the source of much real life 'bandits'), petty thanes who steal from the poor, Khajiit caravans who faced discrimination and turned to crime, criminal families, pirates, there's lots you could do. That was sacrificed in the name of 'radiant quests' and it's something Bethesda has doubled down in their newer games.

I'm not saying that bandits should greet you with hugs and cuddles. I'm saying that, in an RPG, you should be given role-playing choices to deal with them in many ways. There is a lot in Skyrim about 'clever' heroes, but besides sneaking, there are little chances to use that cleverness. Meanwhile, have Fallout New Vegas. You can actually visit the bases of the 'bad' factions by many ways, even the Fiends which are the closest to generic post-apocalyptic bandits have leaders and you can talk to their leader, even if there's not much diplomacy to be done.

And the fact that yielding just straight up does not work is just terrible game design, it's an incomplete mechanic. It's crazy that it just happens and then they just get up and keep hitting you??? I wouldn't mind a 'knocked out' mechanic, which many simpler games seem to have. I wonder if it was something that was just ommitted or did poorly in playtesting. The unfortunate fact is that many gamers are very bloodthirsty and do attack fleeing or surrendering enemies. Being a strict roleplayer I don't enjoy that. I personally don't do many pacifist runs, but I want the things that I do make sense, I don't find any enjoyment in mowing down bandits dressed in fur and endless wolves. I'd much rather have strong or complicated fights tied to narrative.

(there are mods that fix the yielding 'mechanic' and add depth to virtually all of these aspects, but they're mods, so they aren't in the base game, and they work so-so)

[eurydicees]

current thoughts on nanowrimo while i only vaguely do work from home (<- dont tell my employers but i don't think i should have to work when i could be writing).

***i will not be using the website due to the pedophilia and lack of moderation issues. i don't want to involve myself in anything even remotely related to that. however imo the challenge of nanowrimo is bigger than the website, and so i'll still be attempting it.

current potential project ideas!

go back to the iwaoisuga atla au. i've got a lot of snippets but nothing substantial, so i would feel fine starting over and just working on that through the month. bonus is that i get to finish my rewatch.

do a prompt/request/event speedrun again. i have a lot of projects i committed to that i need to complete but haven't been looking at recently and i could just work on all those miscellaneous pieces. i actually have around 25 requests that've been waiting for attention so tbh writing a ~2k word one shot per day, give or take, could be great pacing for this challenge. unfortunately i'm probably incapable of keeping a oneshot to 2k. but this could also be an exercise in pacing myself. maybe.

write something original for the first time in so so so long. idk what it would be but i've been wanting to work on original writing again for a while now and this could be the opportunity.....i just don't have any plot ideas. which makes this idea hard. for obvious reasons.

re: original writing. i could do original short stories. this could be fun. it would involve coming up with a new idea roughly every day or every few days. which would be hard. but i've done it before and while i'm out of practice with original writing, surely i can do it again? idk it could be a fun exercise. i do love writing fucked up life altering short stories.

return to my roots and finish the poetry collection. i want to finally complete this. i've been chipping away at it for a while but i want to commit to it. but also i don't think i could get to 50k words with just poetry.....so maybe not this month. maybe save for april 2025 with a lower word count goal? idk. much to think abt with this one. or honestly maybe i can make it 50k. like if i try REALLY hard. very hard maybe on this one.

attempt the iwaoi soulmate + MCD au. i've been tossing this idea around for a while but it's looking like a huge undertaking so i haven't really worked on it. maybe this is my chance? but also it's probably the project idea i'm least passionate about so maybe not this one. i need to choose something i'm crazy abt lol.

finally finish the transforming of the skts mental illness study fic to original writing. this was a project i started AGES ago and then never completed. i actually just remembered it exists while scrolling through old drafts lol. it was a neat project to work on for a while but i got a little burnt out on it, which could bode badly for nanowrimo, which is such a passion-and-stamina-necessary challenge lol. but also maybe the commitment and accountability that's also so necessary for nano would inspire me? kind of a toss up.

thoughts on my november goals!

goal is 50k words in 30 days. go big or go home hit it till it breaks etc etc. i am going to work so fucking hard. i am pouring everything into this. i'm not manifesting, i'm DOING.

i'm 26,266 words away from 1mill words written for nanowrimo (all time, incl april/july camps). this could be such a fun milestone. i will get there. i WILL get there.

i'm also 54,800 words exactly away from 1mill published on ao3, which is also a super exciting milestone.....so maybe i do really want to just write a long ass fic for this.

i'm currently at 12 nanowrimo wins to 11 losses all time, and 6 wins to 5 losses in the november 50k challenge specifically. i am on cusp of something great.

i am also at a streak of 4 november wins in a row. i am DETERMINED to keep it up. like there are literally no consequences for not doing this. i know that. i promise i know that. but still. i am DETERMINED.

[cherryblossomforest]

Spending time with my dad was okay, it took me down from whatever I was feeling. Or at least made me switch out. Probably that.

We cried in the car but then as soon as we are face to face with someone those feelings get turned off. Not sure why but I felt it. It doesn't matter who it is. Or at least I've not noticed who we feel okay to cry to.

My dad listened and wanted me to talk about it and we just explained that it's like day and night in our brain. From September (maybe August idk) to February, it's so dark. The deeper in the year it gets worse and it's scary. I explained parts in terms of ages rather than elaborated dissociative parts. No time for that. I just explained it based on age and how they feel stuck in that age as if no time has passed and how overwhelming It feels to experience this. Nothing too detailed. He said if the advocate doesn't fight for me to get treatment he wants to. Shocking to me. Seriously. I don't know this dad. Then he spoke more about me wanting to go to the police and I basically said I'm scared because I don't want to have my mother brought into it and I don't want the police to have to interview them. To put it short he said that if CPS gets involved because I was a child and they have to interview him because he didn't parent me right or any other consequence that it isn't for me to even think about. It's something that *he* will have to deal with and that I also shouldn't be put off if they do the same to my mother because there's no way this can ever fall on me since I'm the one that went through everything. He kept saying that he'd support me and that I should go through with it. Crazy. Truly. He shocks me at times.

I'm not the part that was crying in the car but for accountability sake, I am the part that has been a bit too risky. Running red lights, speeding late at night and racing those random racer guys for a rush. I need to stop though because my fear is not dying but harming someone else. Accountability! I also bought alcohol because that seems to be the only thing to keep us somewhat above water. Our medication isn't working and it's hell because it doesn't make us sleep but when we do sleep it keeps us sleeping for like 11 hours. Even if we take it super early our trauma brain will keep us awake until it's light out and then we sleep for 11 hours so everything is a mess and once our sleeping is a mess we get so so thrown off that our mental health quickly declines. Luckily we have a telephone doctors appointment so before bed I'm going to write down all I need to remember when we wake up. We need help and I definitely don't have to tools to help. All I can do is get us to the next step but we're so out of our depth here. Remembering more trauma and then forgetting but it still being unlocked in our body and mind is bringing up everything bad.

Plus we're planning on going no contact or at least semi no contact with our sister because she's so unbelievably toxic. We told our dad that too. I told him there's nothing I like about her at all... I'm only interested in hearing about the kids and supporting them. I'm done with my sister. All my life her problems have been "bigger" and I've had to constantly look after her. I've NEVER been able to have her be a big sister and she doesn't understand that. She's been in crisis after crisis whilst putting herself in situations and then needing to be saved out of it. She's in her 30s and I'm tired of being "My Sisters Keeper." I'm done with her so now I'm grieving that. Then you have this dead bastards coma anniversary in January with his actual death at the end of that month. Everything feels up in the air. We told our dad that we were scared we'd end up in the hospital again because things are bad. He said he wants to take us swimming again for exercise but also to get out the house. I declined but maybe it'll help. Idk. Idk. Idk.

- Zuri

[ca-suffit]

It's always v funny when showmey0urfangs tries to reduce the show to "they're all monsters!" and "it's gothic romance!" and acts so unbothered by things when she's the one who has been burning this fandom to the ground most of all. If that wasn't trying to be morally superior to everyone then what do u call it? I post things in full context here and I can make arguments for everything I write. She's known for making Fandom PSAs of mostly black fans who were discussing the racial elements of the show, posting out of context screencaps from personal, untagged posts, and telling everyone to block them and hate on them bcuz of...shipping issues or w/e. U can find links to a few different things about her on this post.

It's always fucking crazy to me how these white fandom (a mindset, not a skin color) Anne Rice motherfuckers will always talk about these stories as if they have no familiarity with Anne Rice. I hate Anne Rice as a person but the only reason she's famous is bcuz she humanized vampires. Why can't her actual fans see this?? She gave vampires the ability to experience an existential crisis. She enhanced human emotions through them. *That* is the appeal of them. To keep wiping all of that away bcuz *actually* looking at themes of abuse and letting ppl explore them how they will is too much for u is childish. To say that discussion of things like rape--a theme *famously* part of the Vampire Chronicles throughout--is acting like the cops or w/e is....I'm sorry, she's middle aged??

I might not agree with all the takes she listed but it's not bcuz of a feeling of moral superiority that ppl talk about these things. A lot of it is ppl projecting their own traumas. Some of it's also racism. It's a lot of things but....not rly ever trying to be morally superior and calling everyone else perverts, where tf did u even get that??? It's been around here and there but it's *not* the prime reason ppl talk about this stuff. If my inbox is anything to go by, ppl also are looking for guidance on how to feel about these things bcuz they're not used to seeing complex characters and stories like this. These discussions should be allowed to happen without shame on either side jfc.

The show also incorporates racial discussions now too, something she also hates like hell even though she's a black woman. She uses her identity to tell ppl it's okay to not talk about race and then she uses her PSAs otherwise to try and publicly shame ppl even more about it. She kisses white fandom's ass and all of them think like this. This is the group most ppl flock to bcuz it takes no serious thought to involve urself in them. All they care about is shipping and never looking deeper than that, grouping together to bully everyone around them who doesn't think the same and then play victim v loudly to distract from the fact that it's always been *them* doing it. They've rly shut up since this account has been here and they haven't tried much of shit with me bcuz they don't have anything to say if it's not a personal attack. They can't argue their points like this ^ face to face bcuz they only know how to speak on their own platform.

Idk how u can be this old and reduce these stories to shipping only, getting mad at others who don't do that and trying to gatekeep the fandom bcuz of this, willingly opening up ppl younger than u to racist harassment, and continuing to make posts like this as if u can't easily be called out on *all* of it.

Calling the vampires "serial killers" is so fucking pointless when the real horror of them all doesn't even come from their vampirism. It's their trauma and their v human reactions to that and how they move around each other bcuz of it too. The show *requires* that u see them as more than vampires. The vampirism is a background noise. That is never their main struggle. This is just language used in an attempt to sound smart but ur not saying anything. It just makes u look even stupider tbh. Idek what the Twilight dig is about here bcuz even Twilight had abuse and racism issues in it that u could write essays on and ppl *did.* Like where tf have u been, how do u navigate the world at all idgi.

full post under the cut tw rape mentions

[lavenderpanic]

Your disclaimer does not mean anything when this is what you put in your writing:

Starvation is not a punishment in kink. Even someone who doesn’t know about kink knows that. Or isnt “educated” as you said. Food restriction and weight is not part of kink.

That is not what somnophilia is, because he did not consent.

Bucky was sixteen (underage) and Brock didn’t know. Is that his fault?

And the club let underage Bucky inside which is not how kink clubs work.

A quote from a chapter. “Bucky shrugs. “Technically an acronym, but sure. Honestly, Brock and I kind of do our own thing, so I really don’t know if either of us would call it that, but that’s… the general term, I suppose. I had this… this period of a few months, I guess, a few years ago, when I was super anxious and withdrawn and… I just wasn’t in a good headspace. I kinda felt attracted to the thought of dominance and submission and all that because it felt like a safe way to cope with my anxiety, and I met Brock at a club and… and it’s just been us since then. Nobody’s ever understood me like he does. A lot of people look at me like I’m crazy or weird, but Brock never thought that. It’s like… a balanced scale, kinda. He’s my counterweight, just as strong in the opposite direction.” This is not what kink is and it is not why poeple get into kink. This is false information and does not represent the community.

He has a safe word but Brock does not listen to it. Bucky should know that this is not how safe words work.

There are so many examples. You are corellating abuse and kink and that is dangerous for people who are actually in the community. Being abused does not excuse you.

I've been staring at this for like an hour and I just... like I'm genuinely at a loss for words. This is so incredibly weird. Like, I feel so weird right now, this is so creepy. I don't even think I know my fic well enough to pull fucking examples like this out of my ass why the fuck are you so weirdly obsessed??

Food restriction can 100% be a part of a TPE. Again, I've got weird and mixed-up feelings about it, but it isn't like... absurdly uncommon. But also, like... Bucky has anorexia. Brock knows this. Brock is abusing him. Brock is not like... conforming to BDSM rules or practices or whatever. I really don't know what you aren't understanding about this. I'm not saying that food restriction = abuse or what Brock is doing = a normal part of BDSM.

The fic is tagged "non-consensual somnophilia." It is not tagged "somnophilia." I don't even use that word in-text, I'm pretty sure. AGAIN, I feel weird about somnophilia, but if that's part of your dynamic and it's consensual WHATEVER IDCCCCC I'M OBVIOUSLY NOT TALKING ABOUT YOUUUUU.

Brock knows Bucky is underage before they do anything together sexually. He also coerces Bucky the first time they meet, regardless of his age. Yup, it's Brock's fault.

Clubs will let in people who are 18. This is a fact. Like I said in the fic, they mark that Bucky is <21 and can't drink. He has a fake ID which says he is 18.

That quote is actually inspired by my own experience, and I know I'm not the only person who felt that way. I don't claim to represent every person involved in the community. I never have. This is one person's story. You can't just make a blanket statement like "this isn't why people get into kink" because you're just fucking wrong.

Bucky knows this isn't how safewords work. He is abused and assaulted. He is being abused. He is being manipulated. You said you were older than me but your reading comprehension skills are like kindergarten level.

Nothing I have written is dangerous for any community (idk except maybe abusers?) and I have absolutely no clue why you would think so. I'm not claiming to represent an entire community. I am sharing my experience. I am writing one person's story. Fact of the matter is, there are many people involved in kink who take advantage of people who are new to kink because they can be so easy to manipulate and coerce and push past their boundaries. If you're saying I'm wrong, then you're either so fucking dumb I'm genuinely concerned for your wellbeing, or you're a predator or someone who excuses them. YOUUUU are the one sharing gross misinformation.

Go fuck yourself, genuinely. I'm blocking you and every other account you make and I'm not giving you my attention anymore. I have actual real-life problems and I really don't have the mental capacity at the moment to deal with shit like this. This is the one true safe space I still have in my life. I can't imagine how fucking miserable and alone you have to be to spend your fucking time making anonymous fucking accounts and antagonizing someone trying to bring awareness to victims of DV?? What the actual fuck is your deal? Go get a fucking job or volunteer or get a hobby you miserable piece of shit.

[spitefulfemme]

Hey, idk if my ask got received, just in case it didn't here's the thing again, have a great day

hey there, fellow lesbian here. Little rant up coming, about a few things on your blog. Please, please, read it all the way through and the article I linked before you call me a Nazi. (I may have German heritage, but we left to the US in the late 1890s, I'm German and Polish American, if you're curious) I put way too much thought into this.

So, I do really like your blog, and I like a lot of other blogs that kinda post the same stuff about Gaza and Israel every once in a while. I don't agree with what Israel is doing. It's abhorrent. But so is the hate *you* guys are spreading. Below: My thoughts and rant. (yeah I commented this like yesterday, but I wanted to make sure you and other could see it, so I shot in an ask.)

Uhm...guys...this isn't the answer. First statements: I'm not Jewish. I'm not Zionist. I'm not Muslim. Raised kinda Christian, like I'm baptized, my family rarely goes to church, and we are very open and affirming. (two pride flags in the sanctuary, open gay members, we do ceremonies, all that jazz)

However i think neither of them are right in the first place. Israel, yes, they're the aggressor. But the way the world has responded is shocking. I don't support Israel's actions. I don't support Palestine. But I scroll through these blogs and the amount of hate towards people who aren't directly involved in the conflict, from people it's lives are not going to affect is crazy! Comparing Zionism to Nazis??? Wtf??? I think y'all don't know what Zionism actually is.

This, is taken from annefrankhouse.com. (https://www.annefrank.org/en/topics/antisemitism/are-all-jews-zionists/#:~:text=Zionism%20is%20about%20the%20pursuit,inhabitants%20of%20Israel%20are%20Jewish.)

"Many Palestinians and supporters of the Palestinian cause no longer distinguish between the words 'Jew', 'Israeli' and 'Zionist'. That is not correct. Most Jews do not live in Israel. Not every inhabitant of Israel is Jewish; there are also many non-Jews living in Israel. And not all Jewish Israelis are 'settlers' who want to conquer more and more Palestinian land. The vast majority of Jews believe that the State of Israel should continue to exist. But many Jews, both living in Israel and elsewhere, are in favour of a Palestinian state alongside Israel as a possible solution to the conflict. To cut a long story short: although many Jews identify with Zionism, there are still many different points of view. That is reason enough not to mix up the words 'Jew', 'Israelis' and 'Zionists'."

so, what is wrong with wanting to have a state, a free state, where your religion is respected and your culture is celebrated? Wouldn't anyone want that? Yes, Israel's done some bad shit, I ain't denying it. But that is NO reason to go full anti-Zionist and anti-Semitic. From reading your posts and such, I get the feeling some people don't know what they're getting into.

Also, stop. Stop calling them Nazis. As much as you may hate acknowledging this, this is how Holocaust denial starts. This is how more people, end up dead. So, before you 'pick a side', do your research. Know what that phrase you're chanting at protest actually means. (some of them mean kill all Jews) And know this; what is happening in Rafah and Gaza is wrong. What is happening around the world is wrong. But by only increasing the hate? You're making it worse. So, please try to voice your concerns and be open about your thoughts, without spreading more hate! Anti-Semitism is already a huge problem in the US. We don't need to be making it worse.

And for the people calling for the dissolution of Israel? Where tf are all those people gonna go? Cause you've made it clear you don't want them, so for many citizens, you'd be creating another massive Human Rights issue.

For the people calling Zionists Nazis? What the ACTUAL FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU? I'm sorry, yes, terrible things are happening. But that does NOT, AND WILL NEVER give you the right to call them Nazis. Six million people. No. Just no. That's near as bad as denying the Holocaust happened.

**YOU MAY NOT LIKE ISRAEL, YOU MAY OPENOY DISAGREE AND PROTEST THEM. BUT THAT DOES NOT GIVE YOU THE RIGHT TI DISGRACE THE DEATHS OF SIX MILLION PEOPLE BY CALLING THEIR DESCENDANTS NAZIS.**

And even if you're taking this from a strategic standpoint, the Israeli army is not using tactics and methods the the Nazis did. They're completely different. So please, I beg of you, think about what you're posting. Don't call people Nazis if they aren't fucking Neo Nazis.

I hope you actually read this. I hope you read the article I sent from annefrankhouse.org. And please, think about what I've said.

Sincerely,

-a concerned Bleh-345.

you are right. no one should be called neo nazis if they aren't nazis. i apologize for the harm i've caused by spreading this narrative around. thank you for taking the time and writing this out. i haven't outright called the jewish people nazis but i will look into my blog and delete any reblogs that even feel like an anti-semitic post. it isn't activism by ignoring the harm caused by the holocaust while advocating for the palestinian people. it's ignorant, inconsiderate, and dumb, to put it bluntly. i am so very sorry for any negative feelings i've caused by my own negligence. (sorry if this seems half-assed, i hope it doesn't come off that way. i am so down to have a further conversation with you though if you'd like.)

[melancholycatastrophe]

Only Friends Ep. 5 Thoughts

spoilers

not even two minutes in and someone is trying to kill ray, its not looking good out here

nick interrupting the raysand handjob is so wild because sandnick knows that top cheated on mew and they know mew and ray are friends and theyre just not gonna say anything to ray, thats crazy

the raysand and topmew dates are so cute i just know this isn't gonna last

sidenote: that wasn't actually topmew being cute, it was forcebook. the only way i can keep myself sane is by pretending its just forcebook

sand dressed the way i want to dress im going insane he's my favorite kind of boy: guitar player, rock and indie fan, leather jackets, anger issues, homoerotic tension with men - if ray doesn't want him I'll keep him

NOOOO MEW NOT THE GLASSES

top fixing mew's glasses 😭 he's too fine to be such a scumbag

mew's prescription is -5.00, he's just like me fr

am i tripping or is mew now hyperaware of every time top talks to another man because he thinks that they're all ex-hookups or top might hook up with them after? like what was that look when the server gave top the bill?

IS THIS BITCH--? IS NICK CHANGING THE WAY HE DRESSES AND GOING TO THE GYM IN ORDER TO LOOK MORE LIKE TOP AND GET BOSTON'S ATTENTION????? BOY STAND UP PLEASE DONT BE LIKE TOP PLEASE

bostonnick in the pool just reminded me of that one kinnporsche pool scene im sorry i was hoping they would have sex in the pool

also -- diversity win! the lying backstabbing guy who is playing with your feelings and ruining his friendgroup believes in safe sex!

another thing that intrigues me: does boston even like his friends? cuz we've seen all four of them together and having fun, and they look to get along well if you ignore everything happening in the background, but individually? has boston hung out with or just simply had a normal convo with anyone? mew has with ray and cheum, and im starting to believe that boston hates mew for something that happened in the past or is really jealous, but does he hang out ray and cheum just one on one? because at this point it feels like the only person boston talks to is nick, which is.... idk I'm just so curious as to how the raymewbostoncheum friend group came to be

also the fact that he's not even interested in the hostel. the only people we've seen truly working on it are mew and cheum, mew possibly because if it fails he loses his place as top student, idk why but cheum is a business major so she probably has some vested interest in this project. i'm assuming ray is a buisness major because of his dad and even tho it's technically his project - as boston points out - i doubt he wants to work in that field

"I don't want to sleep around anymore. I want to have sex with someone I can talk to and be affectionate with" boston the word you are looking for is boyfriend. you want a boyfriend, and nick is right there (for some reason)

instead of being called only friends, this show should be called "getting cockblocked by all your friends" because this is getting ridiculous. first raysand, then raysand again, then bostonnick, and then raysand again

the way mew wants his friends to be in serious relationships is soo......cute, but also funny that he's over here rooting for his friends meanwhile he keeps top in a situationship like bestie look in the mirror

also i will chew on concrete if boston only dislikes mew because of top oh my god its never that serious over dick

ray please stop talking to that girl omg summer is too pretty to be involved in whatever the fuck you and your friends have going on, give her to me

that concert scene makes me miss brightwin idk

atp I'm gonna assume that every guy who looks at top has fucked him unless proven otherwise cuz this is getting ridiculous

ah fuck....mew has fallen for top..... but anyway this confirms mew is probs demiromantic and demisexual

not the debt collectors 😭 is it really a rich x poor storyline if there's no debt collectors?

sand's mom owns....the go go club....i'm.....oh my god thats why he was there in episode like 2

ray singing sand a love song for his birthday oh be still my beating heart

not mew calling boston to tell him that he's ready to have sex with top 😭 bestie i get that he's your friend with the most sexual experience and you dont want to tell ray cuz he had feelings for you but oh my god why did you tell ton??????

but also "I'm afraid if I don't have sex with Top he'll get bored of me" after seeing so many people check out Top that day.....Mew is finally at a point where he has romantic feelings for Top and its probably for the first time ever and he doesn't want to let him go so he'll have sex with him, he's so real honestly I relate to him a stupid amount

also...okay wait....so is the friendship between bostonmew one-sided or is top truly the reason why their friendship will crumble in the future? cuz mew calls boston about top for reassurance and boston reassures him for some reason....

out of context topmew is cute.....oh their break up is gonna be awful

their first time having sex was so sweet and tender but i know damn well this wont last

ray and his mommy issues back at it again

sand distracting ray from drinking more by sharing personal details about his life....oh......oh....

sand was named after the place his mom and dad had sex oh my god....

ray's mom 🤝 ray

suicidal and alcohol addicts

"Only Cockblocked By Your Friends" the series strikes again!!!

it just hit me that they're eating weed cookies.....

also... "sand, this isnt your usual stuff?" does this mean sand sold ton drugs before or....?

ray keeps saying he and sand aren't dating and its breaking both mine and sand's heart

bostonnick and raysand drinking and partying together doesnt sit right in my heart....somehow someone is gonna say something bad while high

"even if you really like ray, i doubt it would work out between you two" whelp there it is

boston for the love of god shut the fuck up so we can have happy raysand and topmew please stop telling everyone and their mother that ray is in love with mew so that he can move on oh my god please its only episode 5 i need some happy moments between the two couples a little longer please

why is ton airing out all of ray's dirty laundry why is he doing the things that he does he's so messy i love it

well......ray and boston are probably not friends anymore

boston is too fine to be acting like this

now that I'm thinking about it....were boston and ray ever friends or were they just in the same friend group? cuz back in like episode one he was the one who was supposed to take care of ray when he was drunk and didn't so, like....

that last scene with sandray is sad and all but I'm too distracted over the fact that they're sleeping without blankets covering them

WAS THAT RAYMEW FIGHTING IN THE PREVIEW NO I CAN TAKE EVERYTHING BUT RAYMEW FIGHTING STOP DONT DO THIS TO ME

[gemharvest]

I found you through your post about transfem BF, and to put first words first: THANK YOU. I was honestly looking for someone who shared the headcanon.

And relating to what her name would be, I imagine she would keep it as Boyfriend, mainly because the phrase "This is my boyfriend, Girlfriend, and I'm his girlfriend, Boyfriend," somehow came to my mind. Note that I don't headcanon GF as transmasc, it just popped up in my mind and I laughed my ass off.

HOLDING YOUR HANDS ANON I feel like I'm soooo alone with how prevalent transmasc BF is; I'm so glad there's other transfem truthers out there. She is so Girl to me it's crazy I'm kinda sad there isn't really a lot out there for her (I'm mostly thinking about my time perusing AO3 ship tags and being met with every fic involving a trans Boyf being transmasc and not transfem, though I do not, for a second, think the general fanart space/ whatever fairs much better).

I feel like people aren't giving her a good shot just cuz.. fans do have this weiirddd tendency to only do trans headcanons towards what the character already presents as in canon, this specific case being "oh well canonically Boyfriend is a Dude so my trans headcanon should make him a trans dude" and I'm not saying that's the only reason people will do that, but idk you end up in these spaces long enough and it's a trend you will pick up on. This is not to say I think it's Bad to have a transmasc Boyfriend headcanon, I just cannot see it personally beyond wanting to project transmasc experiences. Which is cool but idk I think she deserves estrogen. As a treat.

Idk I don't think there's a deep issue with this in Boyf's case (and I want to stress the fact that I do not hate transmasc BF nor look down on people who headcanon him as such) it's just kinda.. MAN I wish more people let her be a girl. Y'all are missing out this is so fun.

ANYWAYS LOL sorry if you can't tell I have been Stewing with thoughts and I never pass up the opportunity for a good ramble. As for her name, HONESTLY my first thought was also that I don't think she'd actually care enough about her name to want to change it. I do enjoy calling her Girlfriend2 for the giggle or also Joyfriend (someone in my replies also suggested Babefriend, which is honestly rlly cute even if I don't see myself using it for her) but if I am being real she tooootally seems like she'd be fine with sticking to Boyfriend and maybe even getting a chuckle out of it confusing people. It fits with me not rlly seeing her to be the type to transition to be hyper-feminine. The most I see her doing is growing out her hair + effects from going on E. I don't think she'd even care to voice train LOL. And the hair thing is solely because I think she'd look cute with this kinda hairstyle:

(sorry for letting my interest in scene slip into this, it will happen again <3)

AND YOU'RE SO RIGHT THE WHOLE "This is my boyfriend, Girlfriend, and I'm his girlfriend, Boyfriend" LINE IS SO FUNNY. I don't see myself adopting a trans HC for Girlfriend but it would be worth it alone just for that. New headcanon dropped Girlfriend is still a cis girl but she lets Boyfriend refer to her as her boyfriend for the fun of it. Love wins.

[compacflt]

okay so something I love in what you've written is the running thematic element of how the "lack" of a character is treated as its own entity/character, not only with Goose--how he’s the “center of the universe” as you say--but also with Sarah. Idk if I just focused hard on Ice’s childhood/adolescence the entire time reading because I’m obsessed with how you wrote him, but the way there were bits and pieces thrown in about her as the story unfolded (Tom's pot-smoking era, the way they grew up so different but had a similar childhood, the unreturned letters and phone calls--also, Ice seeing Chorus Line on Broadway alone was so silly I loved it. Iceman Kazansky: pilot by day, musical theater fan by night. why was he so interested in fucking Chorus Line of all musicals.) but she never actually made an in-the-flesh appearance makes the entire fic, and Ice’s characterization, so dynamic and moving. Like Ice didn’t grow up as a sad little kid with no siblings and some evil overbearing Admiral father that turned him into a Navy-regulated cog in the machine; he had a sister (and grandmother?? A hipster Woodstock grandma?) who loved or at least cared for him a long long time ago, and her presence left a very visible mark (both emotionally and career-wise) on him no matter how “ice cold” he made himself. And in the very very beginning of WWGATTAI, he and Mav were bro-talking about their families and Ice was all like “grr I might as well not have a sister” because he’s secretly Popeye he was grouchy and young and Sarah had stopped talking to him, but then 9/11 happened and he kept trying to get in touch with her just to make sure she’s okay, and then they finally get to talk at the end of Debriefing and it's like...he's reached the top and he's become the person he's always wanted to become, but he's still the exact same. He wants his sister. He's “The Iceman" and can probably run the Navy on his own, but he’s also just someone’s little brother that used to smoke pot with all the other California hippies. He misses her but he can't talk about it.

Also, you didn't just shoehorn her into the story as a character that would be the Tom Kazansky Version of Carole-and-Goose (or as Ice's wife LMAO) and I loved how you gave her personal depth and a purpose/life outside the story while still adding to Ice's characterization through giving him another person to (a) care too much about and (b) shove into his closet of skeletons because the relationship he has with them is breaking some sort of federal regulation. I hope this all makes sense hahaha, but anyway I loved Sarah and how you treated her. It was so entertaining/heartbreaking to watch Ice wrestle with how the main three people he loves are his communist sister, a male romantic partner who is also a subordinate he bails out of sticky situations constantly, and the son of the man he was involved in the death of. crazy stuff.

ok this is so funny & I love this so much because… it wasn't really how I was thinking about it at the time & I'm so glad it comes across as much warmer than how I originally wrote it... okay like i could explain everything but muh “death of the author”…… eh fuck it okay. I’ll put it under a cut so you can choose not to watch me auto-fellate. another long post, sorry. 

so, on Sarah. 

I should start this post by saying straight off the bat that she’s literally just a self-insert for me, the author, as a leftist who lives in New York and would not give someone like Tom the time of day, so I could feel better morally/ethically about writing Top Gun fanfiction. So, there’s that. But she (just like everyone else in this fic) is just a tool to get across information about Ice and the story as a whole, and there’s a reason she was introduced in chapter one (two if you’re reading on AO3 i guess. no prologue, wtf is up with that AO3 you guys need to fix that). I wanted to convey a shitload of information at the start, especially because I was posting semi-weekly and wanted people to know what they were getting into because it’s a slow burn.

To summarize what happens in chapter one:

Goose is dead. 

Ice and Maverick kill some MiGskyites in addition to killing Goose and it cements some weird fucked-up hyperinterdependent relationship between them. 

No, this does not make them instantly friends. They are still fundamentally different people who dislike each other’s outlook on life.

Ice kills some more Soviets and becomes Maverick’s equal, though still not in rank/honor. 

Ice writes to his sister Sarah, who doesn’t answer. 

Ice hooks up with a girl, but finds that he can’t relate to her as much as he did before the experience of TOPGUN. Also, he can’t relate to women at all.

Ice tries to visit Sarah, and is rejected.

Ice sees A Chorus Line on Broadway by himself.

Ice and Maverick talk to each other as semi-equals, and Ice explains that his sister is a Commie who will never talk to him again. He also explains that he wants to get to the top because he thinks it will make him a good man, or that he can make the Navy better because he himself is a good man. Maverick says, yeah right bozo.

So we’re 5,000 words into a 90,000-word fic and already you know the following:

This entire story and everyone in it revolves around Goose’s death and who gets the blame for Goose’s death. 

Ice and Mav are brought together not because they like each other, but because the experience of killing both their friend and their enemies has made it impossible for anyone else on Earth to understand them to that same extent. From the first word, they're already both so fucked-up it really is each other or nobody.

This is gonna be a sloooow burn.

Ice and Mav might end up as superior and subordinate, but they are fundamentally equal ("you can be my wingman anytime/bullshit you can be mine"), and start out as equals. They are now directly responsible for the same amount of death.

Sarah is Ice’s sister, so Ice is definitely not getting married to a woman in this fic. Good news for everyone scared by the slow burn.

Ice had previously had fun with women, and still wants to marry a woman because it "follows all the rules," but after meeting Maverick/the whole TOPGUN experience he finds them annoying/unrelatable. He can’t relate to women at all and doesn't believe this woman when she tells him she loves him because he himself has never been in love with a woman. He is gay.

Ice sees A Chorus Line on Broadway by himself. He is gay. 

Sarah will not be in this fic, and Ice is a categorically lonely man who is isolated from anyone who could possibly help him talk about how he feels. 

Sarah is a Communist who rejected her military brother, not the other way around, so this is a leftist fic from a leftist perspective, but about conservative men whose conservative personal and political opinions will be repeatedly challenged by the end. This is not a pro-Navy story. 

As a corollary to that, the ship for Ice to “be a good man” has already sailed. He’s gonna try his best to be a good man—emphasis on man—throughout the story, but he’s already failed from the very first line. 

And Ice steadfastly and stubbornly refuses to be honest with us or himself about how he feels about any of the above.

So you basically have everything you need to understand the rest of the story. Now you (reader) and I (author) can meet each other in the middle on equal terms, and the real story can actually finally get started in the next chapter. It’s a lot of information. Which is why it’s not written very well and the pacing is fucked. 

But yeah I just used “Sarah” as an expository tool to help first-time readers understand the political lens of this fic from the get-go, so we don’t have to have a lot of hand-wringing when Ice becomes a war hero of the Persian Gulf War or anything like that (though in my a/n for chapter 5 i did admittedly do some hand-wringing. i gotta delete those a/ns). So, Sarah becomes kind of a weak stand-in for Ice’s political guilt. She’s only mentioned four times besides chapter one, i think—once when Ice is with “Laura” (he is still incredibly guilty about all the people he killed & feels like he let “Sarah” down); once with 9/11 (he still thinks about “Sarah” often enough that she’s the first thing he thinks of when the country has been attacked [still haven't decided if this is the real Sarah though]); once when he’s getting high with Maverick (he is constantly reminded by the brass of the ways in which he is not a good man); and once at the end of “Debriefing,” where they actually get to talk to each other—because he has finally “snapped out of it” and left the Navy.

This fic wasn’t meant to be my sorta-kinda-but-not-really-anti-military soapbox preaching, though, which is why Sarah’s hardly in it at all. It’s a D-plot. Maybe even an E-plot. All in service of the Icemav A-plot. That end scene has a couple different purposes, actually. The second is that Sarah, who at this point is pretty much just a stranger, becomes a receptacle for Ice to prove that he can finally be honest with himself and others about his relationship with Maverick. And…that’s pretty much it. I did do more with her in my Slider one-shot but i honestly dk if that’s getting posted at this point (ITS ROUGH) so im not gonna talk about it now. 

But—that was all Sarah as a symbol, which is very un-fun. Sarah as a character is kind of a blank slate, but how Ice thinks about her/misses her is not, as you said :) I’m wary of posting headcanons that are dependent on my fic, though I do have many, because I feel like that’s not really the point of headcanons… “compacflt!Ice-specific headcanons…” idk that seems a little self-aggrandizing even for me. But, yeah, I guess I would characterize my Ice’s childhood as not greeeaaat, because his dad apparently died in Vietnam when he was like eight and his mom apparently died in a car crash when he was twelve (which is why he’s such a good driver [ch 8 notwithstanding DO NOT DRIVE 120 ON I-5]), but also not, like, abusive or anything. Raised by his grandmother (in the Slider one-shot, which I might as well spoil for you since I’m feeling quite hopeless about it, Slider kinda helps Ice deal with her death in the second year they’re at the Academy together, and it’s how their friendship really starts) who might have been hippy-ish and encouraged him breaking the rules, but also he & his sister were very very impacted by the death of their father at war. This is getting kind of deep into it, and I’m just kinda making it up, but I think there was probably a lot of strife between him and Sarah when he was gearing up to go to the Academy/getting his recommendations etc., like actual arguments and screaming matches—yes, she’s disappointed in him, but more than anything she wants to keep him safe so he doesn’t die like their dad (relevant for ice/rooster later)—and he ended up losing her, so it made a deep, deep impression on how he handles (avoids) confrontation about serious stuff like this when he knows he's gonna lose… my ice has a confrontation issue, obviously. but so does canon. see him "apologizing" to maverick for goose's death in the movie for another example of this. bro is struggling.

But thats just me makin shit up so whatever.

But that’s me just makin shit up so whatever.

[stylecouncil]

Sorry I'm switching back to asks bc of the character limit.

I'm definitely intrigued by their early career, I've always imagined that actually living in Vegas would be simultaneously chaotic and mundane. I've also never fully unpacked the "he doesn't look a thing like Jesus" line despite being struck by it at the tender age of eleven. I used to work in an electronics store and Wonderful Wonderful felt like a godsend compared to a lot of the other new release slop that we had to play all the time. Oh and White Demon Love Song slaps. Now knowing Brandon Flowers was obsessed with Morrissey (makes sense, many such cases), I need to know if he was also a Cramps guy.

Lol, blur is a good example of something we don't agree on. I love a lot of their stuff (girls and boys included) but Damon is a prick. But like I agree that it just sounds that he was salty to be even considered in the same league as a "pop" guy which like. Grow up. Booo 🍅🍅🍅

you should listen to pressure machine! (and if you’d like to unpack more lyrics about men who definitely don’t look like jesus) I really think it’s their masterpiece. but also I feel like something like the desired effect from brandon’s solo career really hits the perfect pop high if you’re looking for that too. idk how he felt about the cramps (now I’m also curious) but I know he was briefly kind of involved in rockabilly stuff just because he worked at the gold coast where they would host a giant rockabilly convention and he was obsessed with boz boorer by extension of being a morrissey obsessive (the story about him stealing morrissey demos from his bag is crazy).

I just feel like when you scrape back the layers with blur there’s not really anything of substance there or to really sink your teeth into which is unfortunately my biggest issue with them. like I went through a brief period where I listened to everything and thought I was a fan but nothing stuck for me. also damon albarn being detestable in the most boring whiney of ways doesn’t help.