#but id think izzy would have put in a system on knowing if a new digidestined is in DANGER

[mel0deon]

my thoughts of ‘protags in digimon adventure’ include:

reki (17) and tai (33) meet. reki is a new digidestined but feels like he isnt good enough to save the world without any repercusions. especially since the friends he makes get into danger. he doesnt feel like he should be a part of the team bc of this. tai talks about mimi and his first time in the digital world, and of the 02 gang if he needs to learn how to juggle the digital and real worlds.

naruto (12) in digimon adventure is basically: the blondes talk about their abandonment issues. im serious. its right there. dark ocean angst abound. hes tenacious, but is also anxious of why renamon is his partner. he’s sure the people back home wouldnt be happy to see he has a fox physically at his side.

luffy? hes pretty set on how to survive. he’s cool. hungry, but still surviving. he’s got a cool new friend and new nakama to add. why is there weird technology? why is he tied down to a prophecy? he just wants to be free of expectations, of society, of his blood and all the consequences of it

basically,

the digital world is a reflection of how we truly want to see ourselves (02) and it reacts to our psycological issues (adv 2nd half). my boys are going to go THROUGH IT. 

[wizardessheart-sideb]

[Image ID: A chapter image done in the style of Wizardess Heart. A large, off-white imagine with a guy on it. He’s wearing a dark gray uniform. There’s a lavender bar over him that reads “Tsukasa Kuze.” The rest of the text reads “Main Story” and “Chapter 10-2: Contract” /End ID]

Chapter summary: Amidst the chaos, a solution arises.

You could have heard a pin drop. We all turned to Aika.

“Aika… What?” Dorian was clearly struggling for the words. But she kept going.

“If I break my contract with you, you can make one with Tsukasa and heal him, can’t you?!” she demanded, grabbing Dorian’s shirt, looking frantic. My mind felt like it was in a whirlpool.

“What do you mean, ‘your contract?’” I demanded.

“I don’t know what you are exactly, but you’re not human, are you, Dorian? I knew there was something off about you since the moment we met,” Azusa revealed.

“That’s right,” Dorian nodded. My brain stopped working.

“You’re… You’re not human?” Tsukasa asked.

“No, I’m an incubus. And technically speaking, Aika’s familiar.” It all made sense now. The interest in demonology. Being able to detect love and lust. Heck, even suggesting making contracts with demons.

“An incubus?” Tsukasa’s brow furrowed. I was about to explain what it was, but Azusa cut me off.

“Why didn’t you or Aika tell me?” His voice was dripping with pain.

“No one but Headmaster Randolph and Isabelle know, and Izzy only found out on accident. We didn’t think advertising what Dorian is would be a good idea,” Aika explained. There was a flash on pain in Azusa’s eyes, but he nodded.

“Dorian, I’ll do whatever you want if you’ll heal Tsukasa,” he said, standing up.

“Hold on -” Dorian began.

“Yeah, wait a minute,” Tsukasa cut in, riding to his feet. “If anyone’s making a new contract, it’s me.”

“No, you’re absolutely not,” Azusa snapped.

“Can’t I get a fucking word in?!” Dorian shouted. Azusa and Tsukasa immediately fell silent. “I’m already in a contract with Aika and due to the conditions we set years ago, I can’t make other contracts.”

“I told you that I want to break our contract,” Aika said angrily. “I don’t care what happens to me. If it means you can make another deal with them, I’m fine with it.”

“But you know what will happen if we end the contract before you’ve fulfilled your end of the bargain,” Dorian reminded her.

“I know. But the most important part of our deal’s already done. I’m okay with breaking it,” she insisted.

“What will happen to you if you break the contract?” Tsukasa asked.

“I have an idea, but I’m not sure. I won’t die. I know that much.” She refused to look at anyone. I didn’t know what she was hiding, but I just hoped it wasn’t something serious.

“I’ll have to take back my gift to you and your soul will be mine,” Dorian said.

“That last bit was already in our initial agreement. Let’s do it,” she said. Dorian grimaced before glancing over to Tsukasa and Azusa.

“If I’m not your type, there’s others like me you could make a deal with. But I can’t verify how trustworthy they are,” he told Azusa.

“No, I’m fine with making a contract with you. I’m more than okay with it,” Azusa said.

“Wait, hold on a moment. I’m making the deal,” Tsukasa butted in.

“No, you aren’t,” Azusa replied.

“I’m an adult now, Azusa. I need to start doing things for myself,” Tsukasa argued.

“You are, but I’m making the contract,” Azusa said stubbornly. “You don’t even know what an incubus is.”

“What if I made the contract?” I offered. I would be okay with it and I didn’t want to see them fight. “Then you wouldn’t have to argue about this. I’m willing to make the sacrifice for you, Tsukasa.”

“Uh, I get what you’re saying, but ouch,” Dorian said with a frown.

“No,” Azusa and Tsukasa said in unison.

“I don’t want anyone to make a contract when I’m the one benefiting from it,” Tsukasa went on, turning to his brother.

“We’re all benefiting from it. We all want you to alive, Tsukasa. Look. I get it. I know I can be smothering sometimes. But you’re the only family I have left and it’s my job as your guardian to keep you safe. If I didn’t want to do this, I wouldn’t offer,” Azusa told him.

“I know, but…”

“How about we make a deal? I’ll promise to try and stop being so overprotective if you let me make this contract for you,” Azusa suggested.

“You should be trying to do that in the first place!” Tsukasa cried. “You always act like I’m incapable of doing anything and you never give me a chance to prove myself.”

“I’m not doing that on purpose,” Azusa defended himself. “I’m just trying to do what’s best for you. I know you’re capable of things, but I want to take care of you, Tsukasa.”

The two fell silent. Tsukasa frowned, folding his arms in front of his chest.

“Okay. You can make the contract,” Tsukasa relented. Azusa smiled genuinely for the first time I’d met him. It wasn’t as nice as Tsukasa’s.

“All right. And I’ll try to stop being so overprotective,” he promised. He glanced over to Dorian. “So, what’s the price of making a contract with you?”

“It’s… Uh, I feel weird hitting on you while your brother’s here,” Dorian commented, glancing at Tsukasa.

“He doesn’t mind,” Azusa claimed.

“Yes I do,” Tsukasa spoke up.

“I’m flexible with payment,” Dorian carried on. “First-born children, letting me roam the earth, marriage… Other things. I take it you know what an incubus is?”

“I do,” Azusa nodded.

“You have options.”

“What did you give him, Aika?” Azusa asked. She laughed nervously.

“Uh, well I kinda went overboard with mine. But in my defense, I had to because he kept refusing to make a contract until I made him a deal he couldn’t refuse,” she responded, refusing to look him in the eye.

“You were twelve years old. Of course I didn’t want to make a contract with you,” Dorian pointed out. Suddenly, the “engagement” story made more sense. But still, making a contract that young… Just how awful was her family that she made a contract with Dorian to get away from them?

“I let roam him the earth, make other contracts, get other energy sources until I was eighteen. Then I promised him I’d have his kid and we’d get married and all that domestic fluff,” she explained.

“What do you mean, ‘roam the earth?’” Azusa asked.

“Unless my partner puts it into their contract, I’m only able to come up to the human world when summoned,” Dorian clarified.

“I see.”

“If we’re going to do this, let’s do this. I want to get this over with,” Aika said. She sat down next to where Azusa stood. Dorian sighed, and nodded, kneeling on the other side of her.

“I’m sorry, baby, but this is going to hurt,” he said tenderly.

“I know.”

Dorian put his hand to her head. Azusa knelt down, grabbing her hand and already it looked like she had a vice-like grip on it. There was a flash of light and Aika screamed. Azusa let out of string of profanities. Something gold and sparkling flowed out of her in and into Dorian’s hand. I reached out, stroking her back. It looked like she was convulsing.

When Dorian pulled his hand away, she stopped. She doubled over and vomited, gagging and chest heaving.

“Are you okay?!” I crawled over to her, helping her sit up. She just nodded.

“Azusa, Tsukasa?” Dorian spoke up.

“Let’s do this,” Azusa said.

They stood up and I stayed on the ground with Aika. Dorian reached out his hand to Azusa, who took it.

“I want you to completely heal Tsukasa and fix his immune system. He’ll be healthy and able to fight off illnesses just fine. In exchange, I give you permission to stay in the human world indefinitely and I will provide you with any energy you need,” Azusa told him. Dorian grinned.

“I accept your deal, Azusa.” Again, there was a blinding light. Red ribbons of light wrapped around Dorian and Azusa’s arms. They quickly faded from view. Dorian smiled and looked over to Tsukasa.

“Come over here. It’s time for Dr. Dorian to fix you up,” he said. Aika groaned. Tsukasa walked over to Dorian, who raised his hand. “I’m not sure if this is going to hurt, so brace yourself.”

“That’s not very reassuring, but okay,” Tsukasa replied. He stiffened up and Dorian put his hands on Tsukasa’s shoulder. A calming blue light radiated from his hands and enveloped Tsukasa’s body. Tsukasa twitched, biting his lip, but his reaction to whatever Dorian was doing was a lot less violent than Aika’s.

It was like a switch went off. Tsukasa’s face, which had been drained of color, looked lively. He no longer looked exhausted; I hadn’t realized how tired he looked until now.

“There you go,” Dorian said. He knelt down to help Aika and I traded places with him, hurrying to Tsukasa.

“How do you feel?” I asked.

“Not like garbage,” he replied with a crooked grin. I couldn’t help but laugh. My arms wrapped around him, pulling him into a hug.

“I’m so glad you’re okay.” Tears welled in my eyes and I learned into Tsukasa, resting my head on his shoulder. This nightmare was over. Tsukasa was going to be okay. He wasn’t going to die. This was all over.

“We should head back to campus before it gets too early,” Dorian spoke up. He picked up Aika and motioned for us to leave. “And I’m not going to make you do this, Azusa, but you should probably free that unicorn.” Oh yeah…

We looked to the unicorn in the magical cage. It still looked furious.

“Thank you for finally noticing me, filth,” it seethed, glaring daggers at Dorian, who returned the cod glare.

“Do us a favor and die, you waste of space. I hate unicorns,” he muttered before turning to head back to campus. Tsukasa grabbed my hand and started pulling me along, but Azusa stopped him.

“Hey, can we stay back for a moment and talk?” he asked.

“Uh, sure,” Tsukasa replied.

“I’ll be waiting at the dorms for you,” I told him. I quickly leaned in, giving him a quick kiss. “I love you.”

“I love you, too.” He gave me another kiss. He squeezed my hand before going over to his brother. As I caught up with Aika and Dorian, I glanced back at Tsukasa. I felt so much relief. This nightmare was over.

[trippz2ill2ace8itout]

🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙||HOPE #4; ||You Know My Name, Not My Story||🌙🌙🔥🌙🌙

🌙🌙🔥🔥facebook, this is part of my life story, this is in the past. Im in no way a harm to myself and others. Thank u. PART FOUR!!!🌟🌟🥀🥀 *SatanslashGod; im gonna pray, i think God is calling me to fufill His duties. I was homeless for the 13th time. I walked the streets for days. I got possessed by God. And i acted out bizarrely insanely dangerously, abnormally, like an animal. I stayed up for 3 days straight. And taking extra of my medication. I had a full blown physcotic break. I didnt kniw my name. I was talking like a baby, waving my arms in the air. I lost all my senses. I forgot how to function. I got admitted to Loma Linda ER, and they took me in right away. I was like nonresponsive. I was an animal, a vegetable. I was dysfunctional. And then they transferred me to Loma Linda BMC. Mental hospital. While i was there i acted out. They put me on concervertaship, i had a hearing, and i saw the judge. It was my over 200th mental hospital. And the judge almost sent me to an institution but i lied, and i got off. Ive been concervered over 5 times. I gor diagnosed with ovee 10+ mental illnesses. Critically/Clinically Insane && The Most High Maitnence Case In The System. When i was 12 i sold my soul to the devil. And i became a bully. And multiple places and people told me that i had a serial killers personality, that she looked into my eyes and said "theres nothing in there" "your untreatable" "your too high maintenance for us to treat" my therapist Thea said ahe waz one step away from conserving me and taken to a state institution. And she said they probably couldn't treat me. Ive been to 215 mental hospitals. And ive been thru it all. I cant tell the difference between God and satan, when i get commands i cant tell the difference. *Richard Enxxellia/Puppoi/Three 7s/SeventyThree6's/UglyBitterSky; Richard gives me paranormal activities. Qualities, which he possesses me to act out dangerously. One example is when i get homoscidal. He decodes the devil into me. He moves certain objects and living things to make me use my 10 senses. As i dissociate to many alternate universes. The darkness takes over me. He decodes demons into me. Decoding me, i have codes, we all do. In NXSP. Rascal/Raskal is my therapy dog. Whos dying of cancer. I hallucinate him everywhere. But i see him as if he was real. And people tell me itz all in my head. Like i have a full blown convo or im playing with him. But my mom and bro tells me hes not in here. Three 7s is where my mania gets out of control. Like i feel like im famous, for the right or wrong reasons. Its all a delusional world. I go out of reality now 100% of the day. And thats not normal. *Bad Mommy-Good Mommy/Duplicates Of People/TwentyStepsForward; __::::TSF was a demon that Johnny hated, but somehow was connected too. So after Me/I, Izzy "Ace 8/Spizey/MsSweetInsanityyx" (Me/I/M3/iii) killed him. The reason why Lily "Dancing Fire" was so mad at Izzy was because TSF turned to ashes after Johnny died, (was killed by Izzy) and that made Lily wanna send Izzy to The Ends more, as she tried to follow thru with that plan, but failed. Ever since i killed Johnny, Dancing Fire has become a bigger and more dangerous demon in my head, becoming worse and telling Alvaro to possess me more. So Alvaro && Dancing Fire have gotten worse. After i killed Johnny. __::::Bad Mommy/Good Mommy take toll of my mind. When i was in my drug and alcohol addiction, Bad Mommy got worse, she wears a scar on her face. She abuses me, (in real life she did abuse me mentally and very rarely physically, but this was before i got back into my addiction) after i tried to come home after she kicked me out *again* (while i was homeless for the 13th time) i was on cocaine, meth. Acid, pills, heroin etc etc. I came home and she slammed me against a wall, and called me a whore. Then she "switched" and forgot about it later, it scared me, and she won my trust and forgiveness back by giving me brownies. This went on for awhile. In reality tho. She did call me really offensive names. But she didn't slam me against the wall. I was scared of her and on multiple occasions didn't wanna come home from school. Anyways i dont wanna elaborate on that. __::::Duplicates of people really fucked me up. This waz after me coming home in 2018. I saw duplicates of people i do and don't know. And it scares me. Now it only happens with my therapy dog, Rascal *Cones/Wesley "Presley" Garcia/Mr.OutOfDate; |__::::????::::__| XX_XX __::::????::::__ | | Cones;____Guide me in the right direction. Master Cone. Controlling your slaves and servants. Your fucking with my head, your make me follow your path, as u soar strangely thru the air. Trying to show me a new reality, the Cones are ahead of the other flying objects. Its like your all dancing around me and my reality of a dreamland, a dreamland like reality. You opened my eyes, but also made me more insane. Therez all sorts of shapes, dancing strangly. You made me dissociate more than usual. As i traveled all the universes and galaxies. You did both harm and good for me. Thank u, for opening up my eyes, as im developing my 11th sense, i already have 10 senses. You traumatized me and u saved me. Thank u. Cones and Objects. For becoming a part of me. Cones are non living transitioning to living. But only i can see them. I appreciate you all. All the different breeds and kinds of objects. Theres millions of them. And im glad we crossed paths. I love u my Cone Family🖤🥀🌙🔥 Wesley "Presley" Garcia;____ Dear, Wesley/Presley, Did u Wanna get away, why did u make Johnny so bad, i know u were his master. And i know after u died, Johnny took your place, but i had to kill him, he tortured me and all of NXSP, i just wanna ask, why are u so fucked up? We did nothing to deserve this torture. Thank u for trying ur best with Johnny, but i just wanna let u know, even if u tortured us (made Johnny do it) im still here for u, cus i jyst found out that you didn't torture Johnny. Lily lied. And i should have known. Johnny tortured u, and no one knew, so i apologize for blaming u. Johnny also made up stories about you, that u tortured him. And i just put the pieces together and i realized Johnny started all this. NOT ERIN! Lily is just as bad as Johnny and Alvaro. All 3 of them fucked and traumatized all of us. If there is anything i can do to help. Plz let me know. I wanna save NXSP. Not destroy it. I know ur dead, but i miss u. And i realized you tried to pull/put NXSP back together, now its just pure darkness. Do u mind (&& u dont have to if ur not comfortable with it) send us angels to protect us from harm. Like what Constance used to do. I love u hun, keep fighting, soldier, Sincerely, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez/Ace 8/Spizey/Ms_SweetInsanityyx && im also speaking for my family at NXSP. I love u. Hope u get this message.🖤🥀🌙🔥 Mr.OutOfDate;____ You give me reoccurring dreams and visions of my mom dying. && u made me live thru hell itself. Literally, and u bring me closer and more content with death. I feel like im dying everyday, like literally. I feel my body being tortured by my demons and Satan. Who ive met thru traveling the galaxies and universes. Why? I wanna live, not die. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this. "I wanna become content with living But i feel closer that death My mom is the only thing i have Without her i would already be dead I check her breathing while shes asleep on her bed I just wanna be dead No words left unsaid I feel closer to death everyday And i feel myself fading away Still happens to this day Losing levels of sanity more each day Losing my mind and i cant stay awake Ive been thru hell and torture Trauma, pain and darkness Do we know all the answers? Do we all get possessed by the devil Do we all lose control by the hour Dont die Mom Plz dont go Your my sun Plz dont go Your my reason I sold my soul to the darkness But i cant let my mom go Its hard to explain the love i have for her Its easy to explain why i love her Im becoming closer to death Got this fire in my heart Got this fire in my soul Im not whole, im not ok Maybe ill be ok one day I love u mom, Mr.OutOfDate, Youve come way to date You brought me and made me live thru hell Ive lived thru hell itself. Goodnight my beautiful sunshine Aint nobody dying tonight."-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Were all strangers to ourselves. Its hard to say i love myself, cuz im broken and damaged. I love u mom, ur my everything. Your my sunshine my sunrise and my nighttime. If u die i die. Goodnight. 🖤🥀🌙🔥 *Visions&Hallucinations of Past&Future/ObjectsHavingAForceOnMe; Dancing Fire cordinates it. All 100% of my past flashes in my head at random times. And i cant control it. Id be in a completely different reality. And i use all my 10 intensitied senses for every part of my past. Like i was there again. CODE 203 J REPEAT CODE 203 THIS IS SYSTEM SHUTDOWN X FOLLOW ALL GIVEN PROCATIONS. Lily you need to get the fuck outta here with that shit. SHUT UP CHARLOTTE! Homie, you better back up. Im talking to u, Lily. Well Charlotte imma show Izzy her past right now. OHHHH IS THAT IT LILY THATS WHY UR SHUTTING EVERYTHING DOWN! I miss u Lily, the old u.. Im not feeling to good Lily. Im sorry Lily. IM DONE! When objects look at me, its like im looking in a mirror, and there using codes to take over me && they scare me, for example i can look at a door knob, a window. A sky, a cieling, and i feel like it has a force on me. Like there trying to get inside me. Like i see a chair and i scream cuz its looking right thru me. Heres a lil poem i wrote: "Dont talk to the ceiling It might talk back Taking over me Can u see me Can u hear me Do u get that peculiar feeling Of all the hell im dealing Leave me alone I dont have a stable home I look into ur eyes The pretty silver sky Its looking right thru me Its posessing oh its controlling me Got that strange feeling Are these the Aces that im dealing Your looking right thru me Dont listen to the walls They dont think when they talk Dont run away from fear Dont draw the devil nearer There decoding you my darling There breathing how non living objects should Cuz non living things are just as important As living things, your being cornered Breathe my friend In and out Breathe and shout Theres no way out There surrounding me Im inside my TV This is all a game And i declare you insane Smiles on everybody Nobody knows what goes on behind closed doors Smiles on my little baby Nobody needs to ser what goes on behind closed doors. Take control dont let it control you Why are u so blue? Are u in the flumes Ace 8 Break It Down Theres No Way Out Im In The Dark Now Im Just Hellbound The more u try to fight it The stronger it gets I would take my life to save yours Trauma occurring 24/7 From 2001-2018 Over 10+ mental illnesses They say your insane Well they did diagnose me critically/clinically insane So play your game, Satan Torture me, im waiting So play your Ace, Aint nobody dying tonight Not in this place Your known as the girl with no face Your pointing me towards my dog days Who am i, good question Fuck me torture me, my new obsession Im used to hell and trauma I know rock bottom Im used to pain and darkness Were all in it for the torture There controlling me There possessing me They arnt living Sonetimes non living things Are more alive than the living Smiles on, everybody Shut them system down Smiles on, everyone Were not going down without a fight."-written by me. Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez Sometimes non living are more living than the living. I deal with this everyday. Stay strong yo. *Flying Objects/DemonsPosssesingMe; **||||** Flying Objects: objects that are non living but act like there living. All non living objects float around and talk and act like the living. Like the taxis, or the furniture or anything thats an object. Starts using there senses, they have more senses than us. Heres a lil thing i wrote about that.;;;; "You take control Sweet little ceiling A dangerous feeling Are we really dreaming Your magic head got me screaming You are demons inside of objects As the tables fly As the staircase sighs Its like a labrynth Were all sentenced Were in a fantasy This isnt reality Wake up. Wake up Torture me plz dont stop Wake up wake up All non living things are living All non living things are living Dont be drifting Dont be living Cuz ur not living No not at all They all have faces They all have bodies They all have senses Dont be scared my love Dont runaway my love Im an animal in a cage I got blinding rage I got bad and good days The chairs are all wrong Smiley is coming back Am i wrong? Am i right? Police on the search for me There not gonna catch me These flying objects are very living They will protect me They will seduce me. Flying objects flying round They dont make a single sound Take me far away"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez **||||** Demons Possessing Me; ??????Different Species if demons come and literallt possess me. I start raising hell ans becoming the demon thats controlling my body. I literally "snap into DeZanity" which is 100% worse than Insanity. I become dangerous, act out strangely unsafely dangerously etc etc. I become worse than satan himself. I walk thru and live thru hell itself. Ive seen hell. Ive literally lived in hell. I become darkness itself. Heres a lil thing i wrote about this; "Falling down to rock bottom Lived inside hell, oh pardon? Did u possess me last night the devil fucked me in the dark light I dont kno what to do Why u feelin blue, My darling my darling They say im acting strange Out of character as u say They say i went completely insane Out of character as they say The darkness controlling me Demons possessing me Im dangerous, im dangerous This aint fun Im always on the run I snapped into DeZanity I lost all my senses Ive died many times Im just fucking senseless As all the species of demons Come inside of me Im a dysfunctional animal Im a dysfunctional animal Who am i, my mind is worse than hell itself The devil puts himself up on the shelf Hes not powerful enough to enter Tryna make these dreams centered Tryna make reality my bitch Dont try. Do, win lose Dont do. Try, lose win Either way. There out to get me Lets change the codes Weve already killed ourselves. So far away from home Im feeling so alone. Im feeling cold Flying around the universes There aint no reverses Imma tell u a secret I am more powerful than the devil Are u gonna run and hide Were committing suicide My name is Izzy, Ace 8 My name is Tyler, Ms_SweetInsanityyx Lets fuck this place up Im here to save and help all non living And living things, im here to save the world I help, care. Love support be there Im by there side no matter what When u fall ill lift u up I help everyone and everything obsessivly Im on the battlefield fighting by yo side Im not in the sidelines Lets get ready to snap back Izzys out for the attack. Goodnight, Drearyyx"-written by me, Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez _____________||||____________ *Dancing Rooms/Past In Vivid Movie-LikeForm; ||||_||||Dancing Rooms; dont talk to the ceiling it might talk back. Im in a dreamscape, traveling thru the galaxies, doors all over the walls, all the stair cases are going in many directions, they keep moving. They dont stop. Each room is something new. Im walking over the stars 🌟 , i see all of these different galaxies. Were midnight racing. Its like im in a Lo-Fi setting. All my dreams turned reality. Im in a wild place. Im soaring thru space. U ever seen the movie Labrynth with David Bowie its like that. I feel so free, racing cars over the stars. Im not in reality. Im escaping. Its like im flying, always flying. Im traveling everywhere. You saved me. Dancing Room. Its like a good trip. Like were in a movie, many kinds of movies. Its a new reality. Im escaping earth. So many colors. So much to see. Im sitting on the sunrise. I turn on Lo-Fi radio (the app is purple) and i do meditation to it. I go to extraordinary places. Thank u Dancing Rooms. ||||_|||| Past In Vivid Like Movie Form; so u kno ive had brutal trauma. Hell, pain, torture, bad experiences occurring 24/7 since 2001-2018, and u read part of my life story. Well theres sone parts u dont kknow, Dancing Fire flashes my past in more than just flashbacksx its in vivid movie form frok beginning to end. But its everyday. And even when im happy i get reminded that it constantly, Dancing Fire aka Lileth "Lily" Ramos-Garcia. Tortures me with it. The more i try to escape it or "put my past in the past" i get reminded of it everyday, from beginning to end. Its not ok. And i also get nightmares everynight that makes me not wanna sleep. Like i could be doing my thing, and out of fucking nowhere here comes the show (vivid movie like form of my past from beginning to end) and i cant escape. People say "leave ur past in the past" uh how am i supposed to do that if i get constantly reminded of it every day. ?? But yet i help care love support fix save be there for everyone and everything obsessivly. And i dont stop. I love helping others, i wanna save and fix all non living and living things. That's what keeps me alive. Someone asks me "what's wrong Izzy. U havent been yourself lately?" i tell them an excuse like "im fine" so imagine this: _Having over 10+ Mental illnesses _Having trauma occurred 24/7 from 2001-2018 _being constantly reminded of ur past daily _having 22+ mental breakdowns a day, every day _trying to remain sane _dealing with the present. _never escaping the past _everything combined together times 10+ working all at once _and trying to describe what ur feeling/whats going on/what's wrong, cus u don't know how to explain it _Constantly having demons fuck with ur head _hating myself _having an eating disorder/autism _not kniwing what ur feeling _feeling unwanted and unloved _being tortured, abused, raped most of ur life _not knowing who u are _having no home from 2011-2018 _having no hope _having severe brain damage _being critically/clinically insane _Been thru/experienced mostly every traumatic thing _not wanting pity sympathy or attention _after 2018, the hell never ending, getting worse mentally physically and emotionally _being insecure _dealing and drug addiction/alcoholism (im over 1 year sober _being the blacksheep _being LBGTQ _not wanting to date ever again/hating sex _cant go in public without breaking down _dissociating 99% of the day _explaining yourself to people _my mom being sick. My dogs having cancer _my mom and bro not wanting me home _thinking ur worth nothing _being a prisoner to ur mind _not knowing who u are _Alvaro possessing me _not feeling like ur in ur body/being possessed _paranioa/objects having a force on u _being confused/delusional _everything youve read/heard in all of this story applied to u everyday _acting like ur okay _trying to save. Fix. Love. Care, support, help, be there for everyone and everything obsessivly but not feeling like its good enough _missing my unbio son, Anthony everyday. _not wanting to cry or show emotions _avoiding feeling feelings/being so used to the bad that u cant process the good _not processing things _wanting to end ur life on a daily basis _wanting to self harm/act out on a daily basis _just hating yourself/having trust and anger issues _the rest i cant explain 🌟🔥🌙Hey this is Izzy here, thank u for breathing, for being alive. Im proud of u. Thank u for coming to my TED TALK.🌙🔥 **Another One Of My Suicide Attempts (i was on the online news); My brother and i got into a huge fight. Cuz we were playing pranks on eachother, but around that time i got raped *again* my mom still isnt aware that it. My whole past flashed by in my head vividly. My mom and brother told me they didnt want me home. And i felt like a failure. I was walking on the side of the street and the highway. I self harmed really bad. But i got home and everything else was a blackout. I had 33 breakdowns that day. We were at Farmer Boys. And my mom kept asking if i was "okay" i told her "yes" but i was lying. I had dreams of my granpa dying (hes deceas3d now) and my monmm dying. My mental health got 10 times worse. Leading up to my attempt i got raped again* by 10 people one by one torture, abusing and raping me for about 2 hours. I still havnt told my mom. I came home and i tried to have a "silent suicide attempt" i took 2 bottles of Gabapentin (one of my medications, this ones for anxiety) and they were big bottles, and i took every pill in there. I started fading out and u heard a voice in my head, trying to stop me from dying. I called 911 and told them that i overdosed, they got all my info and told me to stay where i was. There were fire trucks. Ambulances, police cars. They made me drink Charcoal, instead of pumping my stomach. My mom came out && was talking to the officers/AMRs etc. They did there normal procedures and transported me to Corona Regional Medical Center (aka CRC). I had a sitter, or a 1:1, they did their hospital procedures and i got transferred to "The Willows Mental Hospital" (Still CRC but not emergency, just psychiatric) my brother told me i was on the Corona Newspage, descibing my attempt. But not using any names of people. But it showed my house. I stayed on a 52/50 hold. I cant remember clearly exactly how the whole thing happened but im doing the best i can. ________________________________________ 🌙🔥🌟🥀hey its izzy, if anyone needs a prayer lemme know ok. This is something i just wrote, its from my heart. Stay True!!! Keep sharing your story, cuz it matters you matter your life matters YOU MATTER. , thank u for breathing, for continuing and being alive. Ur all Angels, you are a work of art, you just gotta put the peices together. U gotta creaate your art, your story. It doesnt end here tho. Id give my life if it meant all of u become painless, im not a saint. I just wanna be the person to save care love be there for living and non living things. Yea ive had trauma occurring 24/7 from 2001-2018, but its 2020 in a month. All i want for Christmas is for all yall to be safe and happy. If any of yall need anything, ill be here. Ill be fighting by ur side on the battlegrounds. Im sitting here crying cuz idk how to fix this world. Im proud of u. Even if u didnt wanna be alive today, youve made it another day and youve made it this far. Your doing the best u can. You all make me wanna cry cuz of how amazing u are and how beautiful ur soul is. If ur thinking about taking ur life tonight trust me ive been there. Put ur hand on ur heart, feel that? That's purpose. Your life is a mess right now. Keep looking up. Your someones reason. I wanna save ur life tonight/today. Thank u for ecsisting. I know its dark out, you grow stronger every second. Take ur time. Slow down, take a moment or a few moments. Relax ur whole body, ur gonna be ok. Ur gonna keep fighting. For everyone but mainly for yourself. Im proud of u. Trust me im far from ok. But id do anything if it means everyone else can ok. U are a broken soul. But we will fight, we will win. We will stick together x im here for all yall. Dont go. Its not ur time. I kno it may seem cliche. Bit ur voice matters ur story matters your message matters. YOU MATTER YOUR IMPORTANT YOU HAVE A PURPOSE YOUR ENOUGH YOUR WORTH IT. ! Thank u for being u. This is Izzy here. Keep fighting, soldier. Keep going. Your destiny is inside of u. I love u all. Message me if anything. Stay true stay u. Live u my warriors my angels xx----Izzy Magdalinoz-Martinez (me)🖤🥀🖤🥀