#but i've been thinking abt it all day
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#in a bn type of headspace lately and listen#not even troye sivan himself could convince me that this song is not about ot7#like come on#we make a really good team but not everyone sees we got this crazy chemistry between us#we take jokes way too far sometimes living's too hard like two (seven) halves of one heart#you don't have to say i love you to say i love you#forget all the shooting stars and all the silver moons#WE'VE BEEN MAKING SHADES OF PURPLE OUT OF RED AND BLUE!?!?!??!?!?!#sickeningly sweet like honey don't need money all i need is you <3#like#sorry to be crazy#but i've been thinking abt it all day#ok bye now#audio#music#ot7#bts#Spotify
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bsd rewatch w my friend means obligatory art of my fav found family ever
#WAAAAAAAAAUUUUGHHHHHHHH I MISS THEM SO FUCKING MUCH YOU GUYS GENUINELY DON'T UNDERSTAND..............................................#LIKE. NOT A DAY GOES BY WHERE I DONT THINK ABT THEM UEUUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUEUUEUEUEUEUEUE😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#bro i didn't mean to make atsushi that short LMFAO it's ok tho bc he's their little boy. their son#literally was in the trenches drawing kunikida bc i've been drawing twinks for so long i forgot how to draw actual MEN😭😭#when will my family return from the war.....................................................................#rewatching bsd made me realize its just a rly shitty slice of life romcom featuring ml dazai and his tired work partner/husband#and the story of how they got their first kid. sopping wet pathetic kitten of a boy they picked up off the riverbank#anyway theyre all so dear to me you don't understandddddd i love these dumbass partners and their little tiger boy :((((((((((((((#bungou stray dogs#bungo stray dogs#bsd#atsushi nakajima#nakajima atsushi#doppo kunikida#kunikida doppo#osamu dazai#dazai osamu#kunikidazai#knkdz#lotus draws
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encore!
#my art#daycare attendant#sundrop#sunnydrop#moondrop#dca fandom#the shading on this was super annoying so if it looks bad it's cause i gave up#anyway.... this was supposed to have some sort of symbolism in it. but i've forgotten what it was by now#interpret it as you'd like i suppose?#also oh my GOD THE DLC. i've been thinking abt them all day it's making me physically ill#this drawing is from way before that but hopefully i'll be able to post some ruin stuff soon
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NO MORE ASSOCIATING THINGS WITH FEMMES ONLY BECAUSE THEY ARE PINK!HYPERFEM FEMMES ARE GREAT AND I LOVE YOU CAMPY FEMMES WHO EMBODY PINK BUT ALSO JESUS CHRIST CAN YOU GUYS NOT GO MORE THAN ONE DAY W/O TRYING TO SHOEHORN FEMMES INTO BEING ONLY PINK UWU BABIES. I AM FEMME AS IN GRASS AS IN DIRT AS IN TREE BARK AS IN WEEDS SPROUTING THROUGH THE SIDEWALK CEMENT. FEMME AS IN GENDER NONCONFORMITY AS IN FUCK YOU MY FEMININITY IS WHAT *I* SAY IT IS. FEMME AS IN DEPTH AND DARKNESS AND WARMTH AND TERROR. FEMME AS IN CAVES. FEMME AS IN LIGHTNING. FEMME AS IN AN AMALGAMATION OF TRAITS THAT I HAVE DECIDED ARE FEMININE REGARDLESS OF WHAT SOCIETY SAYS. FUCK IS IT THAT HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!???
#personal#i am emotional yes#over the years ive had this blog I've made a few posts abt being femme#nd whether they're serious or jokey..... inevitably someone in the tags goes “ohhh yeah bc pink”#or in the case of what inspired this post: someone going “what about the pink ones” on my praying mantis post#and im just.#sick of it. im sick of femme being equated to pink and frilly girlie behaviors.#im sick of femme being equated to skirts and heels. to makeup. to skincare. to pristine nails exactly almond shaped.#im sick of ppl acting like All femmes aspire to this shit. im sick of femms being reduced to this shit.#and i love pink! i love pink! my phone theme is quite literally just black and pink all over.#im just. so tired of any expression of Femme identity being shoehorned into being a Specific type of femininity#especially as someone who DOES get dysphoric wearing skirts. wearing dresses. embodying the femme aesthetic yall are so set on making#if u guys wanna rb this i truly dont care#i just needed to scream#and this is one small thing#but the 2nd largest category of anon hate i have gotten since making this blog is str8 up homophobia from other “queer” folks#saying i cant be femme bc of how i present. calling me slurs (and using them as such) bc they cant understand femme as anything but that#my wife and i have our users in our personal discord server set as 2 different things of anon hate ive gotten#i have had OTHER FEMMES tell me i am not femme. femmes who Know im femme who still call me butch. femmes who ive corrected and been blocked#-by bc of it. the number 1 largest demographic of queerfolk who have me blocked rn is TME femmes who embody pink also#and i dont think its a coincidence at all. (and i know this bc i go to try and follow these ppl bc they get rbed on my dash & i cant)#and ik their blogs arent deleted bc some of them don't block my wife (tall. white. butch) and it cant be politics cause her and i rb#a lot of the same political shit (fuck. i think she rbs More than i do even. this is genuinely mainly a nsft blog)#and usually i don't say anything but im having a bad day so i get to be angry about this and if anyone fucking tries me i will block u#idc if we've been mutuals 4ever. im judt so tired of feeling like i am not Enough as a femme bc i dont embody this shit#im sick of this lameass lip service to he/him gnc femmes etc when the thin white 50s housewife femme is still what is preferred and loved#im sick of this lamesss lip service when y'all feel entitled to theorizing on other femmes genders bc u cant conceptualize a femme who does#wanna be hypetfeminine. im sick of it. im sick of it. im sick of it.#celebrity bun
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This was too good to keep in the tags... Bakugo tapping his cheek or his lips whenever wants a kiss, or whenever you try to thank him for something...
#bakugo#you get home and he's doing work in his office#and u go to greet him and he's immediately pointing to his cheek so you can kiss it#or when he's buying you stuff....#or when you're just standing together or hugging#doesn't want to say it but he can and will ask for it#UGJDHFALKJDHF i'd do anything#i've lowkey been thinking abt bakugo kisses all day#i am embarrassing#shii posts#gen
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i walk and i walk this endless road, that i must have loved once
#this song was on the radio this morning and i had to be normal for the rest of the day#the i feel as if i've been walking forever of it all#+ i spent the whole of yesterday thinking abt ghost ardbert#Ardbert#fanart#speedpaint#i draw sometimes#Final Fantasy XIV
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yeah...
#wriothesley#neuvillette#sigewinne#neuvithesley#nvthsly modern family au bc I've been giggling all day thinking abt it#doodle jar
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literally nobody asked for it, but here's my list of saltburn essays that i've slowly been drafting over the course of the last week which WILL be required reading for anybody trying to engage with me about this movie. my very personal saltburn 101 syllabus just dropped
A Wolf in Deer's Clothing: Saltburn's Attempt at Innocence
an examination of party costumes and our character's last attempts to masquerade as something they're not: felix—an angel, all-forgiving and all-knowing, something to be worshiped; and oliver—a prey animal, prey to class-divide, prey to saltburn, prey to felix.
thoughts about oliver specifically are loosely organized in my #bambi tag
A Midsummer Night's Mare: Farleigh Start as the Ultimate Victim of Saltburn
a farleigh character study, about the ways he was mistreated and manipulated at saltburn, about fighting to stay alive and the scars left behind by knowing when to give in
alternatively titled "QuickStart", may be adapted into a conclusive essay specifically focusing on oliver and farleigh's relationship
The Eye of the Beholder: On Saltburn's Voyeurism & Violence [working title]
how wealth and class pushes the catton's toward the volatile reality of being able to look, but not touch. on desire and the lack thereof, and portraying yourself as an object to be desired
may end up as two separate essays on wealth and aestheticism but i'm pushing toward a conclusive essay about the intersection of the two, which i feel is at the heart of saltburn
alternatively titled "Poor Man's Pudding: A Melvillian Approach to Saltburn's Class", again, may be adapted into it's own essay
Gender-Fluid: A Study in Sexuality and Saltburn's Desire to be Dry
a deep dive into the bodily fluids of saltburn and how oliver upsets the standard of men who are just so lovely and dry. on the creative choice to lean into the messy wetness of sex and desire and the audience's instinct toward repulsion
a celebration of the grotesque and an examination of why we would label it as such
least developed of the four, heavily inspired by @charnelpit's lovely post about the fluids in saltburn
if anybody is actually interested in any of these, i can work toward something closer to a finished piece instead of just bullet points and quotes in a google doc, but mostly this is so i can share my very brief takes on a multitude of themes in saltburn that have been haunting me
edit for people seeing this in the future: all posts about my essays are being organized into my #saltburn 101 tag if you’re interested in following these through to development!
#saltburn#saltburn posting#really desperately need someone to pay me to write saltburn essays all day#or else these will never be more than a smattering of bullet points#and these are only the most developed of the millions of the thoughts that i've had rolling around in my brain this last week#idk if lengthy meta-essays are interesting to literally anyone other than me#but if any of these speak to u and u have thoughts abt them#of course u are welcome to send them my way#i think all of these were born out of either seeing bad fandom takes (ie. everything ive seen about farleigh and oliver)#or rly good fandom takes that haven't been talked about enough like the fluids thing#anyway#oh also if u want any interview clips that back up any of these ideas i have a list thats like a million miles long#and would be happy to dig for any specific things im talking about here#bambi#also also im sorry i kno the colon in academic essay titles is so overused i just love a subtitle sm#i love love love a clever little essay title. titling my essays was literally my favorite part of the essay process in college#saltburn 101
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HAPPY JAY DAY 2024 !!!
#enhypenet#malegroupsnet#kpopco#enhypen#jay#enhypen jay#heetual#danablr#HAPPY JAY DAY LETS GO 22 22 HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUDDY omg so honoured to share my age with you for the next 8ish months u rock never change#love u dude#gosh thank FUCK he's not turning 20 i would literally have deactivated like another 20 posters would have been absurd oh my gosh#hope everyones doing well and looking after themselves appreciate all the love while i've been wallowing in my room thinking abt my life lo#ok enough from me HAPPY JAY DAY TO EVERYONE WHO CELEBRATES !!! love this poster love these concept pics okay bye talk in a few love u guys#<333#z.enhypen#z.jay#z.gfx#z.birthday
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so we all know the explicit sakai deer imagery, right? despite stags being associated with kazumasa, deer are still an appropriate symbol for jin as well (fast, silent, peaceful rather than predatory by nature but still capable of killing). since jin = deer, what would ryuzo best be represented by? maybe there's some textual hint, or hidden dialogue that we could go off of? maybe it's not explicit, but-
yeah, no. the game literally awards you this trophy right after you recruit him. the only way i think they could get more explicit with the shady wolf analogy is by calling the trophy "the big bad wolf", or "wolf in sheep's clothing".
ryuzo - passionate, unpredictable, violent ryuzo - being compared to a wolf is fitting, even more so when you consider the trophy refers to multiple wolves, meaning the straw hats. he was taken in by them, an unruly, masterless group, and he became their leader. despite betraying jin, he doesn't lack loyalty entirely; he only remains loyal to those he views as family after they took him in following the tournament.
his primary motivations in the narrative are staying fed, and providing for his family. he doesn't care about playing nice, or fighting clean, or lessening collateral damage. if his belly is full and his family is fed, none of that matters, and i can't think of a more apt description of that mentality than wolfish.
#len speaks#len's meta#ryuzo meta#ghost of tsushima meta#ghost of tsushima#ryuzo#jin sakai#ryujin#i was gonna make this a joke post abt how the duel at castle shimura is essentially just jinstomping ryuzo to death with his hooves#but then i blinked and i had a short meta post instead so i decided to roll with it :^)#in all honesty i've been thinking abt dog motifs all day so it kind of wrote itself. and yeah dog motif ≠ wolf motif but close enough#also i hesitated to think of ryuzo as a wolf before i saw that trophy bc wolves weren't native to tsushima but it's literally in the text#oh and ik company of wolves is a book/film ref about werewolves but i haven't seen it so i didn't wanna try and add that in. though#there WAS an interesting tidbit about werewolves being able to become men if their clothes were saved. that interested me considering you#can buy ryuzo's armor in ng+ and also keep his hat but it was too nebulous a thought to expound on#i wanted 2 draw more of a contrast between jin & ryuzo and deer & wolves here but i'm kind of braindead rn so i might elaborate later#it's a really obvious contrast though so it's probs not necessary
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#momonina#kindof. embarrassed to post this one bc its just pure fluff lmao… theyre so LAME in this pic (/j)#i can hear mmk going ったく…#nn’s outfits are always soooo cute though#waaaaaah i love the fashion….#miiiight color it though..#edit incoming#future pix here#mmnn#<- decided the drawings of the two of em can have momonina in them but if it leans more romo than plato it has mmnn#bc i rotate them in my head so fast#but as the days pass i get really crazy over them being Not Romantic but still More than That#im losing my Mind tbh#the only thing im certain of is that mmk is definitely a lesbian all things considered like look at her LMAO#everytime i rewatch i do consider how gay her actions are...???#(i've been rotating mmnn around in my mind since ep 1 tbh... the codependency was tempting...!)#but i keep thinking abt mmk herself saying “i saw my past self in you” in like. ep 2 already... and it would linger in my mind#i had written in my notes a While back#like when ep 4 was airing#that it just felt like mmk was trying to be kind to her past self ykno#because she believed that the her now... had failed in her dream#so yknow... by giving the guitar she was trying to have nn continue that dream for her (leading into mmk “guiding nn”)#ofc nn gives back her guitar though and i thank that person on twitter everyday for putting it so well#LIKE AGHHH THEIR MEETING WAS FATE BUT THE ACTIONS THEY TOOK TO PULL EACH OTHER UP... KILL ME!!!!#the choices they make regarding themselves... of staying true to themselves... hhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhgjhg#idk how many people will see this edit so im just treating it like the void (haha Void) here#(i've made that joke multiple times to myself now#i still think about. how mmnn were drawn to the honesty of each other#and yet. didnt exactly recognize each other as an actual person yet?#nn loved void and so loved mmk for creating it and saving her life. so mmk was a savior to her
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More of my favourite low effort CPDS Members as my screenshotted tiktok comments memes for you as an apology for being so inactive and proof I am still around hehe <33
#am just about to start my final year of university#which is pretty crazy to thing abt#so if anyones been wondering where I've been....ive been around haha#been working on shows basically non stop#apparently 13 hour day tech weeks dont leave much time or energy for tumblr posting 😔😔#i also get way too hype thinking abt mischief which means it takes even more energy out of me oopsie#i did work on a production this year that was basically rip off ppgw it was very fun especially knowing the context but it is so difficult#pantomime tech is so difficult things just dont like to go to plan#very rewarding tho#anyway if anyone is interested in what im doing u can follow my tech professional instagram acc @abirustagetheatretech#anyway yeah accept my badly made memes as my apology for being so inactive#love u all lots still <33#hope everyone is doing well#mischief theatre#mischief comedy#the goes wrong show#mischief theatre memes
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#tropius#HE SO APPY!!! FUCK!!! HOLY SHIT I LOVE THIS ONE#i've never looked at tropius up close before i didn't even know they had a little helmet and shit. this is WONDERFUL. they're SO appy#i hope you all appreciate this as much as i do because this is very good. i don't even know anything about tropius. jack SHIT. except that#they're so appy. and i will accept this. i gotta work but i've been too busy thinking abt how appy they are#i also started the process of remaking my main blog. bc it just had a lot of posts on it all the way back to way back in my past#and i felt like it was weighing the whole blog down and making me not want to use it. and that blog needed some housekeeping for me to want#to associate myself with it. so i'm currently in the process of coming up with a new URL before i start really renovating#so the hunt for miss ffp starts anew or something. unless i've lazily replied to you in a comment once and you remember my url#i've done that to a few of you. demifiendcruithne is one. shoutouts to you demifiendcruithne you're the best#then there was that one who assumed i use windows. despite recognizing that i'm “rather techy.” yuck!#had to respond to that one to clear up any suspicion that i might be a windows user. this is all totally unrelated and also will be#totally irrelevant by the time this post gets up anyway. hopefully. y'know if i haven't come up with a new url by then then#i mean. that's my fault. but this isn't gonna post until july 23rd. 10 days from today. so. hopefully!#see you all then
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Sparkstember Day 18: Balls (Bullet Train)
Sometimes (oftentimes) it's true that all you need are Balls. I personally absolutely love Balls. I'm a big fan! Ekhem. Today I'm using the help of (I mean, copying most of the passages from it) my earlier Balls rant that I have written down after my first listen of it back in January. I really love this album and I don't want to completely skip over saying a couple words on it at least but I really don't think I have the headspace to write anything very good for it today. I'll still try though!
So yeah, Balls. It's a great album, fun and chill (in my sense of what I call and consider chill anyway), consistent, as Sparks albums tend to be, and as I suspected / hoped it does fit this specific vibe of driving around at night somewhere city-like and illuminated. Or being on a train deep at night and looking at the world zooming by (if you'd even see much of it on a train at night anyway.....). And I do think that it's not so dissimilar to Gratsax (I'd say now that it's definitely darker and moodier than its predecessor...). So it's interesting to think about how it's considered to be one of the "weak" ones (by music reviewers at least) while Gratsax is so beloved in comparision.
I will admit, I don't really know what the big problem with this album could be. As I said, it's fun, it has the melodies, it has the energy, it has the theatricality (I like seeing how more and more orchestral instruments such as strings are being incorporated into the music, in a way the jump into Lil' Beethoven two years later doesn't come of as THAT much of a shock because of this. The evolution of sound here is fascinating!) I really like the intense beats, just as much as the more laid-back and moodier pieces. And there's lots of gold to be found in the lyrics department as always.
One more thing I wanna say is that at some point I wondered if this music sounds older than it is. Maybe it does? But then I remembered that this was 2000 and honestly when I think about it, there just IS something about this album that fits so well with the Y2K image and vibe and all. Sparks 2000 and all that.
Favourite songs (and other highlights):
Balls: I mean. It's Balls.
Scheherazade: absolutely LOVE this one and I had the strangest impression of it sounding very familiar when I first heard it. Months later I found out that it was just briefly featured in TSB so I think that explains it (I will talk more about my TSB viewings on TSB day. EVERYTHING has to be explained in excruciating detail, lmao)
The Calm Before The Storm: bugsonas 4ever. Song itself is amazing too
How To Get Your Ass Kicked: how can a song about getting your ass kicked be so pleasant and relaxing, it always keeps cracking me up, how perfect that is actually
Bullet Train: I love it how introducing the topic of the song with a "It's the [topic of the song]" is a reoccurring theme on this album. Thank you Sparks for this ode to technology and art (these lyrics always have me giggling). And also it just goes hard as heck
It's Educational: a perfect fusion of / sequel to I Thought I Told You To Wait In The Car and Progress (it's mostly the vocal delivery that reminds me of the latter)
The Angels: such an odd one here but I still like it a lot, I apparently said that it sounds "surprisingly mainstream for Sparks but somehow in a positive way". It's very sweet and I absolutely love how Russell sings here, it's so different from what we're used to but that only makes it hit you even more in the feels, lol. And I actually prefer the alternative version of this song that's featured as a bonus track, and I do think that's in big part because you can hear Russell better on it (or that was my first impression of it at least and it kind of stuck)
#balls dayyyyyyy#how weird that i went with a different drawing idea than the bugsonas considering that i'm such a big fan of them#(maybe the bugsonas COULD appear later. still don't have an idea for the final day so hm. thinking about this)#but yeah i couldn't pass up the opportunity to draw russell in this era of glasses & haircut combination#and i love sparks' tour photos too much to not give them some sort of tribute at least once#and honestly! i think this is my favourite drawing so far. might even beat out noisy boys#it turned out better than the vision i had of it in my mind!!! that NEVER happens. yet it did this time#(yet also i'm adding this to the series of me making my life harder for myself that it needs to be#because i insisted that the text has to be handwritten for WHATEVER reason. looks good tho so that's a win)#but also man. lil beethoven day tomorrow#i feel so sick about all three of the upcoming albums still and it brings me close to having an existential crisis#to think about how it's been almost a year already since i first heard LB. that's just soooo wrongggggg#i've already been thinking pretty hard abt these albums over the past couple of days (just like every day before that too tbh)#truly nothing else like them in this world. tune in tomorrow to see the madness unfold!!!#sparkstember 2024#my art#goose monologues
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fandom to reaction to sera and sebastian would have been so different if they had just switched games for real. sera fits so much more into the da2 crew and sebastian so much more into the dai crew. in this essay i will-
#petra.txt#naur i've been thinking abt this soooo much#am i crazy. or do u guys agree#at the same time good for me bc i would NOT have been able to choose a romance in dai if that had happened lmao#imagine the powerhouse of sera merrill isabela. unstoppable#imagine sebastian and vivienne talking. BESTIES#i love sebastian with all my heart but there's nobody in the goddamn da2 crew he vibes with#he would totally vibe with viv blackwall cullen cassandra probably also dorian#his banter with solas would have been sooooo interesting as well
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Was gonna make a vent post talking abt how everything sucks but then something good happened so I'm okay now, I'm cured
#Still gonna vent a lil...#So things kinda sucks as of late for me#I have all these little problems. That on their own aren't that bad. But they just. keep piling up and become one big problem for me#One thing after the other. I am tired. Like emotionally. My mind is exhausted#At this point I keep thinking that something really bad is gonna happen#I try to be positive. I try to make all these problems not get to me#But man. It's kinda hard#Idk. I just don't know.#I just feel unlucky#Whatever. At least I still have my ability to draw. That's one of the most important things for me!#If I feel bad I'll just draw something. Maybe even for someone! I've been having fun drawing other ppls ocs :]#I feel better now btw. Sorry for the vent tho I actually don't like venting like this but also. if I don't talk abt this I'll explode.#So yeah. Hope everyone has a good day!
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