#but i'm waiting to finish that until after ch. 3 is posted so i can capture the full emotional arc of the story

[geneticdriftwood]

persephone's in hell; a rooftop conversation

for @mysterycitrus

persephone's in hell, @mysterycitrus // white winter hymnal, fleet foxes // assorted dc comics

[cyberneticfallout]

Chapter One: Filly

Ch 1 - Ch 2 - Ch 3 - Ch 4 - Ch 5 - Ch 6 - Ch 7 - Ch 8 - Ch 9 - Ch 10 - More Coming Soon

Pairing: Cooper Howard/The Ghoul x Fem!Reader Summary: You, a seasoned bounty hunter, team up with a gruff ghoul to capture a high-value target. Tags: Slow burn (and I mean SLOWWW), angst, eventual smut, language, canon-typical violence, more tags will be added Posted on AO3: Smoothie and The Ghoul Word Count: 1.2k

Bounty hunting is no walk in the park, but the rewards make it worthwhile. Your body aches as you trudge through the settlement known as Filly. Pushy vendors eagerly try to sell you their wares, with one particularly persistent one urging you to spend your hard-earned caps on dog meat. Politely declining their offers, you navigate your way through the bustling street towards the more reputable shops and services.

Having visited Filly a few times before, you recognize familiar faces among the locals. You exchange a silent greeting with the local repair girl and spot Ma June preparing to open her shop for the day, making a mental note to stop by later. As you approach a semi-functional Nuka Cola machine, you catch sight of a man seated in a chair. He's dressed like an outlaw from the Wild West, giving off an air of danger. His gaze locks with yours as you pass by.

A ghoul.

You've had mostly positive experiences with ghouls in the wasteland, but this one seems different. There's something about him that sets off alarm bells in your head. Feeling bold, you approach him after grabbing an unbearably warm Nuka Cola.

"Hey," you stand in front of him and take a sip. "I don't personally have a problem with ghouls, but the folk around here aren't too fond of them."

Smirking, he looks up at you, his sunken eyes and lack of nose more pronounced in the sunlight. Most people find ghouls unsettling, but you've grown accustomed to their appearance after years of interacting with them.

"That may be true," he drawls. "but I ain't here to make friends."

You offer him a sip of your drink, he stares at you in confusion. Taking it as a rejection, you finish the rest and toss the bottle aside.

"You look like you're either playing cowboy or you're a bounty hunter," you remark.

"What's your guess?" he snarls.

Leaning towards him, you place your hands on the arms of his chair. "I'm guessing you're here looking for a specific doctor."

"You're pretty bold for getting so close to a ghoul, smoothskin."

"And you're pretty bold for assuming I've never been closer." A small smile creeps onto your face as he looks at you curiously.

"I'm sure our paths will cross again. Until then..." Stepping back, you give him a casual salute and walk away.

The presence of the ghoul gives you the feeling that shit is about to go down so you decide to hang around on the outskirts of Filly. Leaning against a tree just outside the bustling street of vendors, you can hear the sound of raised voices and the unmistakable echoes of gunfire coming from the center of town.

"Called it," you mutter under your breath. There's no need to dive headfirst into the chaos when you can simply wait it out and observe the aftermath. Given the hefty reward on the line for this particular doctor, it's unlikely that he'll be an easy target. If he's anything like the other high-value bounties you've pursued in the past, he'll find a way to slip away, and you'll have to track him down.

Inhaling deeply, you take a moment to assess your surroundings, ensuring that your rifle and pistol are in proper working order. As you inspect your weapons, the air is suddenly filled with distorted screams, "No, no, no!" Looking up, you witness a spectacle that catches you off guard. A suit of Power Armor is soaring uncontrollably through the sky above you. Could it be the Brotherhood of Steel? This bounty just keeps getting crazier.

The Power Armor veers off in the opposite direction, leaving you to wonder what in the wasteland is going on. With the chaotic gunfight seemingly subsiding, you make your way back towards the town center. It appears that the flying garbage can and ghoul have caused quite the commotion, scattering the combatants and bringing an end to the firefight.

As you draw closer to the scene, the absurdity of the situation becomes even more apparent. Bodies, torn apart and scattered haphazardly, litter the ground. The locals, seizing the opportunity, have already begun looting them. You catch sight of the ghoul making his way towards a path that leads out of town. Without a moment's hesitation, you decide to follow him.

Quickening your pace, you navigate through the debris and bodies, doing your best to avoid the looters who pay you no mind. The ghoul moves quickly with a dog by his side, his sunken eyes focused on his route to the wastes.

As you approach the outskirts of town, the ghoul glances back, acknowledging your pursuit. Letting out an annoyed sigh, he comes to a halt and turns to face you.

"I ain't accepting companions," he declares, a note of irritation in his voice.

"That's too bad," you reply with a smirk, coming to a stop in front of him. Your attention is drawn to the dog standing beside him, looking up at you with a wagging tail. A warm feeling washes over you - you've always had a soft spot for dogs.

Kneeling down, you scratch behind the dog's ears and ask, "What's her name?"

"I don't fuckin' know," the ghoul snaps back.

You raise an eyebrow, a mixture of amusement and confusion on your face. "Did you hit your head back there? How do you not know your dog's name?"

The ghoul rolls his eyes slightly, clearly exasperated. "She ain't my dog. She was with the doctor. Along with some vault dweller."

A surge of curiosity courses through you at the mention of the doctor and the vault dweller. This situation just keeps getting more intriguing. You stand up, still keeping an eye on the ghoul.

“A vault dweller?”

He begins to draw his gun and points it at you, “Give me a reason not to shoot your ass. You’re startin’ to annoy me.”

“Calm down, beef jerky.” Taking a step back, you maintain a calm demeanor. “I think we can help each other out.”

The ghoul's grip on his gun tightens, but he hesitates, seemingly intrigued by your proposition. "I don't need help.”

“Oh but yes, you do.” You pull out a small vial filled with amber liquid, capturing his attention. “This dog will do a great job tracking its owner but I’ll do an even better job of making sure you don’t go feral. No offense but you seem pretty old - even for a ghoul.”

The ghoul's grip on his gun loosens, and he seems to consider your words. After a moment, he reluctantly lowers his weapon. "Fine," he grumbles. "But don't think I owe you anything."

You nod with a small smile, "Fair enough."

[kyndredravenstories]

Eyes of Infinity: Delirium Chapter 9

Hello, I have been posting my work on AO3 and recently decided to venture here to Tumblr. Please note: This story is 18+. No minors. Please read tags carefully. Link to AO3 below but I will also be posting the chapters here.

https://archiveofourown.org/works/53564641/chapters/149190919

Pairing: Sylus/Female MC with some elements of Xavier/Female MC

Genre: Romance, Drama, Hurt/Comfort, Fluff, Angst, Adventure, Smut, Porn with Big Plot and Big Feelings

Content Warning (For the entire fic): Explicit sexual content, spoilers and alterations to existing lore and cards/memories/tender moments/secret times, size kink, size difference, vaginal sex, cunnilingus, anal sex, fingering, all kinds of fingering, elements of consensual somno, dom!Sylus, jealousy, possessive!Sylus, Mephisto stalking, typical game violence, battle and combat

Summary: To love him meant stepping over the threshold and crossing into darkness. To be with him meant accepting the lure of the shadows. And to protect him from betrayal meant sacrifice. I knew not how, only that I would not let time sever our paths ever again.

Previous Chapters: Ch 1 / Ch 2 / Ch 3 / Ch 4 / Ch 5 / Ch 6 / Ch 7 / Ch 8

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Leaving the N109 Zone is no less dangerous than entering it. I learn this much as Xavier transports us through the menacing metropolis using his Evol. Even my partner, who is not afraid of anything, is on high alert. His body is tense, his brow furrowed, and sweat beads on his temples. His eyes move restlessly as he transports us from place to place, as though he's searching and preparing for an attack at any moment. He moves with relentless purpose, not taking any breaks or giving me a chance to breathe.

For me, all of it is blinding and disorienting. I struggle to make sense of where we are or what direction we are moving in. Though it's only been days since I came here, after being in the darkness for so long, Xavier's Evol hurts and stings at my eyes. It's bearable at first, but soon I'm so dizzy I might pass out. My breathing turns fast and labored, my arms shaking as they cling to Xavier's neck for dear life.

Finally, after what seems like an endless series of jumps through the light, he sets me down so I can walk. But, I can't follow him. I stumble and rub at my eyes as they struggle to adjust.

"Xavier," I gasp. "Wait. Please, slow down."

I hear footsteps as he approaches me. His hands settle on my shoulders.

"Is it the light?" he asks in a low monotone I'm not used to. I reach out my hand, trying to figure out where he is as white blotches dance in my vision. "Wear this for now," he says, and I can finally place why he sounds off. It's not the way he normally speaks when we're together. It's his Hunter voice, the one he uses when we're fighting Wanderers and our lives are in danger.

I hear the tearing of cloth. A breeze as he bends down in front of me. I start when I feel something brush against both sides of my face. When I try to back up, he tugs me forward.

"It's alright," he promises. "Trust me." He wraps something around my head, helping me feel it with my fingers when it's finished.

"A blindfold?" I ask.

"It should help until we get to the next checkpoint. Keep your eyes closed."

I gasp when he lifts me up again. With that, the jumps continue. He's right, though. The blindfold does help. At the very least, my eyes aren't fighting to adjust to a light as blinding as the sun. Xavier's Evol feels different after this most recent encounter. Its presence is stronger, more aggressive. No doubt it has something to do with the breaking of the collar around his neck. Xavier's never spoken to me about it before, and I never pried. Yet, Sylus seems to believe that it's some kind of handicap.

"We're here," he tells me as he sets me down.

The checkpoint Xavier was referring to is an abandoned safe house. Though I can't see where we land, I hear the ping ping ding of a familiar keypad as Xavier types in the code to enter it. I've been in enough of these to know the distinct sound, though I'm surprised to discover that the Association would have built these in a No Hunt Zone. I guess that the borders between these zones and areas managed by the Hunters aren't as well defined as I had been taught to believe.

I hear faint humming when the bunker security pad accepts the code. Xavier removes my blindfold as the internal steel lock thuds and rotates inside the four inch thick door. Bullet proof, blast proof, pretty much everything proof. Once this door is closed, nothing can get in. I blink experimentally. At last, I can see him somewhat clearly. As we enter the bunker and shut the door behind us, I examine the main control hub. It's a large touch pad riveted into the wall in the entryway.

Status: Inactive

Safe House Charge: 12%

WARNING: Critical power failure imminent. Remaining hub power estimated at 13 hours and 3 minutes.

"This thing is almost dead," I comment.

Xavier makes a sound of agreement. "It charges with the sun or via replacement of its energy source. Neither are readily available." He flicks a switch to turn on the emergency lights. It's a series of tiny blue bulbs stretching in a cord around the perimeter of the single room. They'll use less power than the full fledged lights. While he takes his blade off his back, I check the sink for running water. Fortunately, it's clear and doesn't have an odor.

"Filtration system must still be good," I say. "How long will we stay here?"

"Just a few hours."

Walking back to Xavier, I grimace when I see the state of his clothes. Concern wells up in my chest. I try to get him to face me, but he dodges out of my reach.

"Wait, Xavier. Please stop," I demand, grabbing at his arm. It's bright enough for me to see the splotches of blood all over his uniform and hair. "Let me see. You're injured. You need first aid."

"I'll be fine," he says in that same harsh monotone from earlier. He pulls back when I resist. I'm not ready for it, and he ends up jerking my injured arm so hard that I yelp in pain.

His head snaps around to look at me; the transformation in him is immediate and disorienting. Frozen cerulean eyes widen in surprise, pupils shrinking and honing in on me. He raises his hands to reach for me, the tension in his core seeming to dissipate all at once. His lips part, and the next time he speaks, it's the Xavier I've grown so fond of.

"I'm sorry," he murmurs, placing a hand against my arm. It's a touch as gentle as a spring breeze. "Let me look at you. Where are you hurt?"

"You first," I glare at him, refusing to let his puppy eyes sway me right now. I point to a nearby chair. "Sit. Right now."

Like a chameleon, he shifts again. His blue eyes narrow, the line of his mouth straightening into pursed disapproval. He complies, but it's not in the way I expect. Looping an arm around my waist, he sits in the chair and pulls me to stand between his legs. I catch my balance by placing both of my hands on his shoulders.

"The last time I listened to your request, you nearly died," he grinds out, each word like a blade meant to slice at me.

"That was--" I try to breathe past my shock. "We had to help Tara. It was an emergency."

"I heard you screaming," he cuts in without a shred of mercy. "You were begging for death."

I shudder, his words bringing back memories I don't want anything to do with.

"Do you know what that did to me? I could do nothing...nothing at all..."

Have I ever seen his eyes so dark? Is it the light? Or something else? Right now, with his voice as low as a building earthquake and some kind of shadow lurking in his gaze, I can hardly recognize my friend and my partner.

"But you did," I rush to contradict. "You came for me. You're here now, taking me back to Linkon."

Even sitting, he's only marginally shorter than me. He leans forward in his seat. For a moment, I'm stunned as our faces are so close they're almost touching. Beneath my hands, his body is blazing hot and firm. His hands remain around my waist, and I can't explain why I'm suddenly so aware of them.

"I heard it all," he says, his eyes holding me immobilized.

My ears burn at those words for too many reasons to name. Somehow, my mind doesn't stop at what happened with my injuries and the LUMINIS. It goes farther, to what happened at the mansion with Sylus. In his room; in his bed. Instinctively, I shut my lips tighter. Surely, I'm overthinking it. There's no way Xavier could possibly know anything about that. Not to mention -- what the hell is wrong with me, thinking about something perverse in a moment like this?

Xavier is trying to tell me that he's hurting. That this experience was traumatic. That's what I should focus on. Comforting him. It's my duty as his friend and partner.

"The LUMINIS spilled on me," I explain in a strained voice. "It was very painful. I didn't know that one of the side effects could be...um...Xavier?"

Without breaking eye contact, he brings his fingers to the zipper of my jacket and unzips it part way. Something about him is off. Really off. My hand snaps to his, stopping him. His skin nearly burns me, as does his gaze. I swallow past a sudden lump in my throat.

"Who is he to you?" Xavier demands. I shudder at the way he says that. Frigid as an icy dune. Threatening. Menacing. His sharp eyes slide to my red ears, and he doesn't need to say Sylus's name for me to understand that he's the one in question. I grit my teeth. The hand on my waist slips lower, almost to my hips. I hold my breath, not quite grasping the situation or the sudden strange atmosphere between us.

"Xavier, none of this matters right now," I mumble. Forcing myself to snap out of my stupor, I press my hand to his forehead. "You're burning up."

"It does matter," he insists, ignoring me. "I shouldn't have left you that night. I've never regretted anything so much in my life."

This time, the pain comes through his voice, and my heart goes out to him. I feel even more stupid for thinking of ridiculous things at a time when he's obviously vulnerable. More than anyone, I know how protective Xavier is of those he cares about. I've never ever pried into his past, but I've always had a feeling that something terrible and tragic happened in his life. It's made him a little cold and distant, made it harder for him to bond with others. Made him much wiser than the youthful beauty of his countenance.

Despite all that, we had bonded. I can't imagine how worried he's been all this time. If it had me in his place...just thinking about our positions being reversed makes me queasy. If he had disappeared on me like that, I would have been devastated. Terrified. I don't know what I would have done to try to get him back.

I'm a horrible partner...and a horrible friend...

"I'm sorry," I breathe. Overwhelmed with emotion, I wrap my uninjured arm around him and stroke his hair. I press my cheek against the top of his head. With not even a second of hesitation, he returns the affection in his own way.

I missed him, missed this completely natural intimacy between us. We aren't lovers; I don't believe Xavier would ever look at me as a woman. Yet, we'd always been intensely close, craving each other's company and physical touch. We held hands and hugged often. A few times, we'd even fallen asleep in each other's apartments while sharing a dinner or watching movies.

Ever since I met him in the ruins on my first mission as a Hunter, he's always been my starlight. That small bit of untainted magic that's so rare in my life. Tara was one such treasure. Grandma and Caleb, taken from me. And now, Sylus too. At the thought of him, my chest grows tight. I feel his absence like a void. Yet, now is not the time to dwell on it.

I push away my frustration at how abruptly we had to part ways. None of that matters right now, especially since Sylus went completely overboard in pushing my partner to his limits. He's burning up with fever, and who knows what breaking that weird collar did to him? He's cut and bruised all over, and clearly the last week has taken a mental toll on him because he isn't acting like himself at all. I'm worried about how stubborn he's being; I need to convince him to cooperate. It's my turn to support him and take care of him now.

"Thank you, Xavier. Thank you for coming for me. For fighting through all of that. I'm sorry you had to."

He hesitates before his hand continues unzipping my jacket. "Show me your wounds," he asks, his voice sweet and gentle again. "Please."

I pull back and cup both sides of his face, playfully and gently shaking it from side to side. "No way. I'm treating your injuries first. None of mine are critical, nor are they bleeding." His eyes soften, and he finally breaks eye contact with me to look away. I give him another shake. "Let me take care of my partner, alright?"

I don't know whether the faint pink on his cheekbones and ears is from the fever or my words, but I can't help but think that he looks entirely too adorable right now. Like a boy who has been thoroughly lectured. Oblivious to my offensive train of thought, he nods and makes a small sound of agreement.

"Alright," I perk up, "please take off your jacket first."

I look around the bunker for the first aid kit. Fortunately, everything is arranged in the exact same way in all of these safe houses. I find the grey metal cabinet in the corner of the room and take out an armful of supplies. The cabinet beside it has meal bars and nutrient blocks. I grab those too. By the time I make my rounds and return to Xavier, he's removed his jacket and undershirt.

I steady myself at the sight of his wounds. Scrapes, burns, cuts, and swelling that will definitely turn into nasty bruises. A few spots could use some stitches. My teeth grind together. Suddenly I'm furious with Sylus. None of this was necessary. Absolutely none. Xavier is the strongest Hunter I know. He's plenty powerful even if that collar was limiting him somehow. Not to mention, I'm not completely helpless either. I don't need some God-tier bodyguard running around with me. I can take care of myself!

"Scary," Xavier says, snapping me out of my daze. I glance up at him to see that his eyes are sparkling with mirth. "The look on your face is like the time when the claw machine got stuck before it dispensed the limited plushie you wanted." His voice and mannerisms are back to normal again, and I let out a breath I didn't even realize I'd been holding.

"I'm glad you think this is funny," I glare at him playfully. "You should be scared. I can't believe you were refusing to let me help you when you're this injured." Though Xavier doesn't explicitly reveal what he's been through while I was missing, I don't need him to spell out the details to see them reflected in his countenance. He's thinner than I remember, and there are deep black circles under his eyes. I regret not insisting on contacting him earlier. I should have tried to push Sylus to let me talk to him.

"It looks worse than it is," Xavier shrugs.

I don't let him mess with me anymore after that, coming at him full tilt with tweezers, disinfectant, and gauze. I get to work cleaning all of his injuries, removing tiny shards of glass, and wiping away dried blood. He winces a few times, but I'm honestly surprised that he doesn't make more of a fuss as I clean and bandage him up. Holding my arm up to do all this hurts, but I stubbornly push the pain to the back of my mind. I owe him that much.

While I work, Xavier and I talk about the last few days. He explains that UNICORNS has filed me as MIA after the disaster at the Mythe. Currently, the mainstream media suspects terrorism as the cause of the explosions, but no one knows the full truth of the events of that night. I need to report to UNICORNS right away. Likely Captain Jenna will be relieved to see that I'm safe, and we will absolutely need to reveal everything we know about LUMINIS. At this point, we have no alternative. It will be up to the Captain to take measures in order to keep the information from being leaked.

"They can't know where I've been," I tell Xavier as I cut the string after stitching up a gash in his arm. "Please. Can we make something up?"

"Why?" Xavier asks. A loaded pause. Then -- "So you can protect him?"

I flinch at that accusation and give a nervous chuckle. "The last thing he needs is my protection. No, it's...more for me than anything else."

It takes me a solid hour to clean and wrap all of Xavier's injuries, and by the time I'm finished I'm so exhausted that my eyes are trying to close on their own. I keep shaking my head to clear the murky bog out of my thoughts, but it doesn't help. Even munching on a nutrient block does nothing to clear my drowsiness. My shoulder is throbbing, and the pain is becoming impossible to ignore.

As I pack up all the trash and bloodied gauze, Xavier beckons me to come closer. When I pad towards him with a full trash bag in tow, he stands up and takes it from me, setting it aside. Again, I'm reminded of how tall he is, and with his body exposed I take a moment to appreciate how sculpted his muscles are. Somehow, that train of thought is quite invasive and embarrassing. I do my best to look away, angry at myself for ogling my friend.

"You promised," he reminds me, mistaking my shyness for reluctance. He's referring to examining my injuries.

"There's really no point in worrying about me anymore. I'll be fine."

His touch soft yet deliberate, he sits back down and pulls me to stand between his legs again.

"I won't accept that," he says, his straightforward gaze unsettling.

With a sigh of resignation, I let him take off my jacket the rest of the way and help me with removing my knitted shirt. Standing before him in just a tank top, I let him examine my stitched up shoulder and arm. I can't read what he's thinking as he slides his hand across my skin.

"It's swollen, and there's some blood." He reaches over to the first aid kit. "Ellara, you need to put this in a sling. Stop moving it or it's going to get worse."

I can't really argue with him, not when I'm so tired and in so much pain. He cleans my shoulder and puts some numbing antibiotic on it.

"Lean on me," he says as I waver on my feet. I do so, using his broad shoulder for support. "You were shot."

"Once or twice."

"And your leg?" His hand brushes against my knee. "You're limping."

"Things got physical after I ran out of bullets." I take a breath, remembering how frightening it was to fight for my life. "They wanted to capture me. Not kill me."

"Noxis?"

I nod.

"Do they know about the Aether Core?"

"What other use would they have for a single Hunter?"

Xavier thinks for a moment. "And the sample?"

"That vial of LUMINIS we stole from the auction spilled on me in combat," I tell him. "All of it." His eyes jump to my face, boring into me. "It hurt. A lot. I don't remember much except for the agony." I hesitate, unsure about how much I should reveal about the rest. "Sylus, he...saved my life."

"By kidnapping you."

"No. He was helping me."

"So you went with him willingly?"

My body tenses at his sharp tone. "Listen, I wasn't really in a position to make that decision."

"He should have taken you to a hospital." Xavier reaches up to run his fingers around the stitches on my shoulder. "This is going to scar."

Stitching a wound isn't something I have practice with. It will probably scar.

I shrug off Xavier's hand as his voice overlaps with Sylus's in my memories. "So what? I already have plenty of scars. We're Hunters, not models."

"You must be close to him if you're defending him this much."

I stare at the wall. "N-Not really..."

"You never did tell me what he is to you."

I wince when Xavier's grip on my arm tightens unexpectedly. I'm still reeling from his shift in tone again, so it takes me a good minute to realize that he's been staring at a very particular spot on my chest. A shadow crosses his face again, lurking like a viper in the brush. Without consciously deciding to, I reach up and touch the spot he's examining. It's right around my collar bone near my neck. I frown, trying to figure out why the skin there is sore.

The bike. The dark city view atop the forsaken hill. Sylus's lips, and teeth, and breath on me as he holds my hips and makes me scream his name. His voice rumbling in my ear, making filthy promises, telling me what I want to hear the most.

It's like someone dropped me into a frozen lake. My drowsiness vanishes in a puff of smoke. My heart skips a beat, and my face catches fire. I rush to push the memories back and away, simultaneously covering up the spot with my hand. But, it's too late. Xavier's seen it, and only an idiot wouldn't know a hickey when they see one. Not to mention, my face is so red you could probably use it as a stop light.

And the look in Xavier's eyes. The look. Like I've stabbed him. But, in this moment it's me that's being stabbed. The pain in his gaze pierces through me like a spear. My throat clenches tight, my hands curl into fists. Sweat breaks out across my forehead and my back. Who knew that eyes could hold so much at once? Accusation. Anger. And something else, too. Something I absolutely don't want to acknowledge for my own sanity.

I whirl away from him, my eyes scrambling around to find my shirt. I'm so mortified that I want to fall through the floor and never be seen again.

Run.

I want to run.

"L-Like I said, there's nothing to worry about. I'm perfectly fine." I take some steps towards the other side of the room, but I don't make it far. Xavier grabs my hand.

No.

No. No. No.

If he confronts me about this now, I don't know what kind of nonsense is going to come out of my mouth. I'm not ready to talk about what happened or my feelings. Sylus might think it's as simple as saying we're in a relationship, but what could somebody like me know about stuff that complicated? The most serious relationship I've ever had with anything is my favorite Betsy doll in my apartment, an object that's heard my emotional outbursts and absorbed rivers of my dramatic tears for years in leu of a friend.

I'm not in the mood to reveal our relationship to anyone anytime soon - Sylus's conviction replays in my mind.

Neither am I, but how am I supposed to keep a secret this big by myself when I barely understand the meaning of it?

I yank my hand away from Xavier, but he's always been a stubborn one, just like me. He tries to snag my waist. I turn to avoid him, but I'm so nervous I trip over my own foot. He catches me so I won't fall, and as a result I somehow end up with my face smooshed right up against his very warm and very naked chest. This is completely unacceptable by any stretch of the imagination, so I immediately shove him away.

Or, I try to. He doesn't budge.

"Xavier, please let go." A moment passes. Then two. He releases me, and I put distance between us. I don't want to look him in the eye. I don't know why, but I'm ashamed. Like I've done something unforgivable. My feelings have no logic behind them. Xavier and I are friends. We're partners. I don't owe him any explanation about my personal life. I don't pry into his business, and he doesn't ask me any uncomfortable questions. It's always been that way.

So why do I feel like something between us is stretched like a rubber band, ready to snap if I make a single wrong move?

A breath.

Then four.

Then --

"Ellara."

Low. Hard. Angry.

I keep looking at the ground, wrapping my arms around myself.

"Ellara."

A bit softer now.

My eyes sting, and I take a ragged breath to suppress my tears.

Footsteps. Coming closer and closer. A warm body stopping right in front of me. I stare at his boots now.

"Ellie..." The soft whisper floats to me like a feather on the wind. A hand reaches to caress my face but stops just short. He's never called me that before. Nobody has. Immediately, I love it. I want him to always call me that.

"Can I hug you?" he asks, his voice tense.

I nod, and he follows through, pulling me into a warm embrace. We stay like that for a while.

"You don't have to explain anything right now," he sighs. "Let's just focus on getting home, alright?"

I nod again. His fingers stroke through the hair at my nape. As I calm down, the exhaustion and drowsiness catches up with me again.

"What's the plan after this?" I ask.

"I have a contact waiting to pick us up at an exit point. He'll arrange for transport back to the city."

"Sorry for all the trouble," I mumble against him as sleep finally takes me by force.

[clawbehavior]

not actually a question, but a declaration and a thanks.

I love your stories, Enantiomer is especially my personal favorite! I had a greedy moment after I finished reading chapter 3, write a comment that may or may not seem delirious bcs there were things I think I missed (I forgot which is the older twin from Gaon and Isaac), the small things like that. I decided to immediately reread the whole story and I thought, these 3 chapters are enough!

let me tell you, I always shed tears reading the 2nd chapter. chapter 3 feels like having your prayers answered/ a breeze in a very hot weather. it just feels right and peaceful, hopeful ending. the ending is enough to make me wonder how the characters will fare in the future but i have faith they're in a happy place. it's that kind of story for me.

i will reign my excitement and overflowing feelings for this story of yours as to not scare you off or make you overwhelmed with my responses here and there. thankyou you wonderful human!

i once read this beautiful post by Paulo Cohelo where he described getting a comment from a reader across the world about how touching they found The Alchemist, so he got up and and went outside and looked up at the sky. reading your comment made me understand what he meant by that, what he felt, and why he did it. 

i'm so, so happy that 'enantiomers' touched you deeply. because i also care about them deeply. like you, i felt hurt for yohan in chapter 2 and relief for their growing family in chapter 3. but as you know, being a creator means wondering if your art/story/plot/setting/characterization that you experience so richly when creating them also come across like that to your reader; if someone will be similarly moved by your story as you. and you got it!!! you picked up on all these tiny and crucial details; the differences between the twins, how kang jisang had left an impression on isaac, gahan's hyung kink, that gaon badly wanted to be loved and yohan badly wanted to give it to him. getting your comments made writing that story worth it. 

i totally agree that the fic left off on a hopeful note even if the way forwards seems unclear. strong emotions like theirs take time to fully resolve, no matter how genuine the effort behind it. but i know they get through it. gaon and yohan actively include isaac (and his little family) in their lives. they show up when things get tough, congratulate each other on their wins, push each other gently when needed, and are there for each other. isaac's whole thing with their relationship stemmed from a fear of change and losing yohan. but seeing yohan be healthy and happy and being actively included in their lives settles him. as a result, gaon feels secure too. 

actually, reading your comments made me want to write a version of this story where kim deji is alive, gahan still falls in love, and she lovingly guides everyone through that transition. it starts with gaon waiting for his train on an outdoor platform and watching trains pull in and out of the station. he makes eye contact with a university student through the glass. it shouldn't be anything big except that the young man visibly starts and says something to gaon through the glass. gaon blinks back in confusion, but the train is already pulling out of the station. the young man frantically runs the length of it inside while gaon watches. gaon sees him mouthing the words ishmael and isaac, realizes that this man knows his brother/his family and they share a grief stricken look before the train pulls away completely. 

gaon stays rooted to the platform. he misses his train. but it's worth it because yohan gets down at the next station and runs all the way back to the older man, catching hold of him. gaon can barely make out what the younger man is saying, talking a mile a minute as he is, until yohan pulls out his phone, calls kim deji, and gaon hears his mother's voice for the first time in decades. 

--

a little gift for you for your lovely comments. i will cherish them deeply. thank you. 

[diodellet]

*slides in*

How about 3, 16, 17 and 29 for the fic writer asks?

omg i didnt think id ramble this much (thank u for enabling me ner 🤧💕💕)

3. how you feel about your current WIP

tbh i'm not super confident about my writing any time i come out from from a long long hiatus of not posting anything. also like… i'm not super confident writing other charas aside from jamil since i don't really think ab them as much… (sorry leona-natics* whenever this drabble gets posted, but like fingers crossed the sitch will hopefully be exciting enough)

*i think it might have to do with the fact that i kinda hc leona on the grayspec++have more vv specific hc characterizations i like of him, but ig i do see his appeal (one of m'oomfs is a leona-natic and well ahu her propaganda might've been subconsciously assimilated)

but ahaha i tend to write things that i'm very personally interested in so i'll find a way to have fun with it, i'll be gucci i just get too into my head, it's a vicious cycle as a writer.

16. favorite place to write

uhhh im a very sedentary person, probably a result from the pandemic, and being a thorough homebody even after that

hmm i would say id like a nice ambient public place with coffeeeee my blood my life force Some amount of people engrossed in their own work, but like in the ph, esp in a place populated by a lot of uni students, cafes end up being hella cold (im skin and bones the cold is Evil)++noisy (which i don't see as a big bad thing esp since i like socializing with my friends...at the cost of putting off my own writing oops HAHAHA)

17. talk about your writing and editing process

oh boy. here we go. one thing to note throughout all this: my only consistent practice as a writer is inconsistency. (and ig, if i try hard enough, i can usually put out a passable 200-300 words in one sitting)

sometimes i can outline a fic and take forever chipping away at it

^^(case in point: that sebek x vampire!reader x silver fic... i joked abt waiting until book 7 would drop on EN but it has been Stuck. i wanna write bi-disaster sebek so bad though 🤧🤧)

other times my actual writing veers waaaaay into a diff plotpoint instead of what i have plotted out

^^(there're these 2 now-removed bullet points in wcidfy's outline for ch 3 that went: "do i have the balls to write a fever scene… gaguhan anhirap nito pag walang ob [tl: fuck this is hard (to write) without overblots]" and "i also keep thinking of a scene in the (scarabia) gardens…and lying about bees…weird")

and sometimes i can just shit out 1k-ish words unprompted.

^^though this last example leads to my most rough writing++editing ('ily but leave me tf alone' and 'no id rather pretend'), i only look over for immediate errors, but keep iffy-phrasings and repeated words, but sometimes i still miss incomplete sentences that i jus quickly fix after posting ahahaha.

in terms of my more "polished" writing, i edit as i write (<- i do Not recommend this style. it's very unsustainable if ur planning to do more conventional writing/publishing and it's very easy to get trapped in your writer's block)

and after finishing 80% of it, i try to get a second pair of eyes on it (thanks @jessamine-rose mwaps) because validation of works in progress feels good it also helps to have a trusted outside person look at the work with fresher eyes. also smtimes we get into bouncing ideas back nd forth that we spawn new brainrot lmao like this👇

i like to call my writing a "semi-polished first draft" partly out of self-defense and self-criticism. but really, i think i'd rather have "good enough" writing posted than "my best" because i could spend forever hoarding my wips. i think i'll always have regrets over not fleshing out certain beats/using certain phrasings and references, but i also enjoy looking back on my writing and seeing the incremental, microscopic progress. it makes the process more enjoyable than self-flagellating.

on a personal note, the writing workshop scene can be brutal. with some criticism being needlessly harsh, sure it produced some of my "best" writing but the process was Not Fun. while i get that being able to revise meaningfully is an important thing, i think the endgoal of feedback (from my short exp of betaing for friends) shud always be aimed towards uplifting the writer's aim to create/improving the writer's vision of what they wanna achieve, especially in a craft that is as solitary as writing. wait ill rb a post about making ur shitty pots, very in-line with making art in general

29. how easy is it for you to come up with titles?

very hard. i hate thinking of titles, thats why i yoink lines from songs (who cares if the vibe doesnt fit im adding layers of interpretation or sumn🥴🥴). ACTUALLY wcidfy had like 3 other possible names (it was either *rolls out list* hairtie, nonequivalent exchange, or ben franklin effect* wcidfy was the most bearable one.) *i tried to look up how to distill the psychological phenomenon of someone probably liking u more after u do a small favor for them into 2-3 words, but it had to be a WHITE MAN'S NAME 🤢🤢NAW!!!!

for few other examples:

'say what you mean' was initially titled 'oh how the tables turn'

'roommates? more like roomfoes' was first titled 'pet peeves'

'hypothermia' was first titled 'frigid' but then i thought of paradoxical undressing nd stuff and da pseudo-warmth

i've also moved a bunch of other plot beats from wcidfy's main document into a file called "part 45678 of wcidfy"

as u can see i prioritize making myself laugh wid my wip titles. i wanna put the illusion that my writing's not that serious. unless it is? idk i'm not sure how to describe my writing in terms of its vibes.

(list of fic writer asks, ahaha bug me ab my wips)

[eleanorfenyxwrites]

Why Not Me?

Chapter 6

[Ch. 1] [Ch. 2] [Ch. 3] [Ch. 4] [Ch. 5]

[I've decided this is the final full chapter! I'll be posting an epilogue at some point soon but I'm not sure how long it'll be, I know what I want to do with it but I haven't written any of it yet. I've done pretty much everything I wanted to do with this fic, so I think it's time to finish it up and let it be what it is. And for everyone who's been keeping up with it in any way since I started posting it for WIP Wednesdays way back when -- thank you! I probably would've never turned it into a full fic if not for y'all being so lovely and encouraging, and I'm really glad that I did ♥)

-/-

Finding Lan Yishan-laoshi is harder this time of day since he doesn’t have the senior disciples for class until just before dinner when it’s gotten too dark for sword practice, but Jingyi manages to ask enough people that he eventually finds the man in one of the common offices for the adult cultivators to do their non-teaching work in. He knocks carefully on the open door, three light taps with his knuckles in slow motion to make sure they’re extra polite, and only enters when he’s told to.

“Hello Jingyi,” the man greets in his always-soft voice when Jingyi approaches the desk and shifts his weight from one foot to the other, unsure if he should sit down or not.

“Hello laoshi,” he replies, remembering after a second to bow a little clumsily. “I have a note from Lan-xiansheng,” he tells him when Lan Yishan-laoshi raises his eyebrows a little in question, and though he fumbles the letter a little bit in clumsy fingers when he pulls it from his robes again the man doesn’t seem to mind, simply waiting patiently for Jingyi to pass it across to him held carefully in both hands respectfully.

“Mm. Thank you, Jingyi.”

“You’re welcome!” he chirps, smile beginning to curl up the corners of his mouth despite his effort to be serious for his errand. “He also said I can ask you one question about talismans!”

“Oh?” Lan Yishan-laoshi replies with a little smile of his own beneath his neat white mustache and beard. “Just one?”

“Mhm! Then we’ll talk about it when I go back,” Jingyi explains sagely as if he’s done this a hundred times rather than never before.

“I see. Do you already have a question in mind or will you sit down for some tea while you think?”

Jingyi blinks at the offer. Tea? He fidgets a little, fingers tightening around the cuffs of his sleeves as he thinks. Tea wasn’t listed in the steps he was given, so it’s probably better not to accept it. But would it be rude not to? To just ask his question and then leave? The aunties never like it when he does that, they say it’s rude to only care about what’s on his own mind and not everyone else’s too. Is this like that? Will Lan-xiansheng be mad if he takes long enough to have tea after he already spent so long tracking Lan Yishan-laoshi down? But Lan Yishan-laoshi had asked if he already has a question in mind, so it’s probably okay to just ask it, isn’t it?

“I have one!” he hurries to say, wincing when it comes out a little too loudly for the circumstances in his fretting over what he should do. Lan Yishan-laoshi is nice to everybody though, and he doesn’t do anything but keep smiling and gesture with one papery hand for Jingyi to go ahead. He takes a deep breath, relieved that it’s okay not to sit down for tea, and then realizes that he doesn’t…actually have a question in mind yet.

“Um..” he hedges, shifting from foot to foot again. “I um…Oh! Do we really use some of the Yiling Laozu’s talisman designs for nighthunts?” It’s something he’s heard some of the senior disciples talk about before, all hushed and looking over their shoulders like they were worried someone would overhear, but Jingyi doesn’t see what the big deal is. If they work then they work, don’t they? Who cares where they came from?

Apparently Lan Yishan-laoshi. Jingyi feels his stomach drop at the way the man’s face goes hard and cold as ice, his glare sharp enough that Jingyi takes a step back. It’s answer enough, because why would he be so mad if it wasn’t true and he didn’t want people to know? At the risk of being unpardonably rude, Jingyi hurries to bow nice and low before he practically squeaks something about needing to return to Lan-xiansheng and beats a hasty retreat before Lan Yishan-laoshi can say whatever it is that made his face do that.

Jingyi’s heart is in his throat the entire way through the Sect back to Lan-xiansheng, dread prickling along his scalp and anger at himself for saying the first thing to come to mind (when past history has shown that’s never a good idea) making his hands twitch like he needs to move them. He fishes his rock out of his sleeve as he walks just shy of ‘too fast to be begrudgingly ignored’ and squeezes it hard first in one palm and then in the other.

“Jingyi?”

Lan-xiansheng doesn’t sound mad when Jingyi opens the door so he probably doesn’t know yet, even though adults always seem to be able to tell each other things quicker than should be possible when it comes to getting someone in trouble.

“I delivered the letter, Lan-xiansheng!” It’s too cheerful, too tumbling as it passes his lips and he closes the door too hard in his panic, but if he starts with what he did right then that’s okay, isn’t it? He made Lan Yishan-laoshi mad but that’s only one thing out of the list of things that he did.

“I didn’t run, I gave Lan Yishan-laoshi the letter, I asked my question, I came back without running,” he ticks off on his fingers that he realizes are shaking. “I was good, right?”

Lan-xiansheng gives him a look that feels like it pierces right down to his soul. “You look as though you feel I will tell you no. Part of being good is being honest, and that includes not lying by keeping things hidden.”

Jingyi had been afraid of that. He winces and crosses the room to sit down next to Lan-xiansheng’s desk and start grinding some ink for him, careful to go slowly and not to splash any out of the dish to have something nice and useful to do with his fidgety hands now that his rock is tucked back up in his sleeve. 

“My question made Lan Yishan-laoshi angry,” he admits in a whisper, like if he says it really quietly it’ll incriminate him less. “I got distracted and asked something bad on accident.” No one can punish him if it was an accident, right?

Lan-xiansheng hums and sets down his scroll to stroke his beard in thought. “It is quite difficult to anger Lan Yishan-laoshi. What did you ask him?”

Jingyi swallows down the lump of panic and chances a glance up to meet Lan-xiansheng’s stern, questioning gaze.

“Um…I..do we use some of the Yiling Laozu’s talismans when we go night hunting?”

The flash of anger that crosses Lan-xiansheng’s face makes Jingyi flinch, his ears burning with shame for messing up the very first thing Lan-xiansheng gave him to do.

For good measure, he whispers a distraught, “I’m sorry.”

Lan-xiansheng sighs long and slow over his head. Jingyi ducks down a little further to keep grinding ink even though there’s more than enough in the dish, and what he’s grinding now is full of little popping air bubbles from where he’d accidentally sped up in fear.

“You understand why this was an inappropriate question?”

Jingyi bobs a hasty nod. “He hurt a lot of people and did really bad awful things, of course we don’t use his talismans, that would make us wrong and bad too. It was gossip, I’m sorry Lan-xiansheng.”

There’s a long enough silence over his head that Jingyi peeks up again through his lashes and Lan-xiansheng has frozen mid-stroke, hand looped around his beard and his eyes far away as he looks at the door across the room.

“Lan-xiansheng?”

“Is this something you heard from Hanguang-jun?”

“No! I swear, it was just disciples talking in the woods a long time ago, I don’t know who. Lan Yishan-laoshi asked me if I wanted tea but I didn’t know if it was okay to add to the list of things you gave me but I didn’t want to be rude and refuse so I got confused thinking of what to do, and then I accidentally lied and said I had a question ready but I didn’t and then I messed up and spread gossip and it made Lan-laoshi angry with me.”

Lan-xiansheng finally looks away from the door to blink down at him and his fingers slowly staining black from twiddling the damp ink stick between them, and after a long moment he lifts his hand to press it firmly to the top of Jingyi’s head like he had that morning.

“Jingyi, do you frequently think about tasks like this, in such detailed lists that do not allow interruption?”

“It’s okay usually if they get added onto,” he confesses, wrongfooted with both the change in topic and the soothing gesture. “But I didn’t know if it was allowed. I wanted tea, but you didn’t say it was okay and I didn’t want to be in trouble. But now I am anyway, aren’t I?”

“No. You are not in trouble.”

Jingyi bites his tongue around the desperate cry of ‘why not?!’ that wants so badly to escape. None of this makes any sense! He doesn’t like being in trouble and punished, not at all, but this is so much worse! Before, he always knew if he made someone mad because they said so. Now people are mad but they aren’t saying it even though he knows they are, and it scares him. Because if he doesn’t know how mad someone is, he won’t know when he’s crossed the line too far to be allowed to stay.

“Lan-xiansheng?”

“You were correct, Jingyi. We use some of the Yiling Laozu’s inventions to help people. We do not speak about this openly, but we do make use of some of his spirit-summoning and -banishing talismans.”

“Why do we do that if we don’t think it’s okay to talk about?”

“Do you think that using them makes us as bad as the Yiling Laozu?”

That’s a very big question, and Jingyi scrunches his face up as he feels out the edges of it. Lan-xiansheng asked it like one of his usual teachers, the one who cares a lot about asking them all sorts of ‘why’ and ‘what do you think’ questions, and she always gets disappointed in him if he answers without thinking first.

“No,” he eventually settles on, cautious as he speaks but confident that he likes his answer even if Lan-xiansheng might not. “We use them to help people, if they only help then that’s okay, I think. But we don’t say it because…people might be scared if we say we use them?” Jingyi sits up straighter as a new thought hits him. “But then Lan-xiansheng doesn’t that mean that we’re not honest? You said keeping things I’ve done a secret is like lying, but if we use talismans and don’t tell people that we use them then isn’t that the same? Are we lying?”

Lan-xiansheng blinks at him, his expression as stony as ever. Jingyi is just about to hurry to apologize for talking back, for doubting his senior’s teachings, for asking rude questions, but just at that moment there’s a firm rap on the door frame and Jingyi, certain that it’s Lan Yishan-laoshi come to punish him for his irreverent curiosity, darts to his feet with a squeak to hide behind Lan-xiansheng’s back.

“Sit properly,” Lan-xiansheng scolds, sounding startled more than angry, so Jingyi sits up on his knees and very carefully makes sure that he’s still hidden behind Lan-xiansheng’s broad shoulders despite having corrected his posture. Lan-xiansheng looks back at him over his shoulder out of the corner of his eye and Jingyi shoots him a pleading look that morphs quickly into a grin of pure relief when Lan-xiansheng simply sighs and turns forward again without comment, clearly unable to find fault with his posture even if he’s sitting in a strange spot.

“Enter,” he calls out to whoever it is at the door, and Jingyi doesn’t dare peek over Lan-xiansheng’s shoulder to see if his fears are founded or not.

“Shufu,” the person greets, but it’s not Hanguang-Jun’s cool monotone, it’s much warmer, which means it must be —

“Xichen.”

Jingyi subtly hunches a little further down again now that he’s not being watched and squeezes his eyes shut, praying fervently that he’s not so deeply in trouble that the Sect Leader had to get involved.

He wants to go back to the bunny meadow. He wants to be helpful and useful to Lan-xiansheng, of course, and he knows he has to stay here to do that and be taught how Lan-xiansheng said but… Well maybe if he thinks hard enough about the soft breeze and the little quiet rustling plops of the rabbits hopping through the grass then maybe he won’t be so afraid of whatever’s going to happen to him for being nosy and spreading gossip when he shouldn’t.

“I spoke with Wangji,” Zewu-Jun says once the sound of swishing silk has stopped and he sounds much closer this time, likely sitting in the spot across the table where Jingyi should be. “It sounds like yesterday was..eventful.”

“In what way?”

Jingyi stays perfectly still where he’s hidden behind Lan-xiansheng, staring wide-eyed at the expanse of deep blue silk — broken vertically down the middle by the tails of Lan-xiansheng’s pale blue ribbon and the ends of his hair — hiding him from Zewu-Jun. Why isn’t Lan-xiansheng admonishing him to come out now that they know it’s not Lan Yishan-laoshi come to scold him? Doesn’t this count as eavesdropping since Zewu-Jun doesn’t know he’s here?

“He said you have decided to care for a boy from the children’s home,” Zewu-Jun replies. Jingyi realizes with a jolt that they’re talking about him. “And that the child in question is the young troublemaker who’s been vexing everyone in charge of the discipline hall these last few months.”

He winces and ducks his head, shame burning in his ears and the back of his throat. He knows he has a reputation, he knows. But it still hurts to hear his Sect Leader bring it up like this.

“Lan Jingyi.”

Jingyi stiffens and looks up sharply, expecting to see Lan-xiansheng leaning to the side to reveal his hiding spot, or at least turning to look back at him to tell him without words to come out. But he’s still facing forward, still and immovable as a mountain, so Jingyi just holds his breath and hopes he can keep hiding.

After a moment, Lan-xiansheng continues, “His parents were lost in the war.”

“Ah… yes of course — a young cousin, then?”

“Second, once removed.”

“I see.”

There’s silence for a long few moments, just the sound of porcelain clinking softly and liquid burbling as tea is poured.

“You have already officially brought him out of the children’s home?”

“I have.”

More silence except the bird twitters outside the window and the quiet click of ceramic against wood. Jingyi kind of wants to hop up and beg them to talk instead of just sit there in unbearable silence, but ultimately he’d rather stay hidden and quiet since he’s apparently allowed to eavesdrop on whatever this conversation is. Plus Lan-xiansheng promised he won’t punish him for things anymore unless he’s doing bad things on purpose to be bad, so if he’s letting this happen then that must mean it’s okay, right? Jingyi hopes it’s not a trick, that Lan-xiansehng isn’t giving him a chance to not break the rules just to trap him for failing and breaking them anyway. Lan-xiansheng wouldn’t be mean like that, right?

His head hurts.

“Shufu…is this really..wise?”

Jingyi is more than a little shocked to hear Zewu-Jun question Lan-xiansheng and he half expects Lan-xiansheng to be angry. Instead, he sighs long and slow and sets his teacup down again, just as gently as before.

“You do not think it suitable for me to raise a new ward?”

“It is not a matter of suitability, Shufu. Your health-“

“Will grow no worse than it already is by having a child in my home.”

“Even when the child is so lively he disrupts all of his classes, runs nearly everywhere he goes, acts out so regularly you have had to develop fresh punishments just for him? I worry that his energy levels will be a burden to you.”

Lan-xiansheng sits up a little straighter, which is weird because Jingyi wants to curl up into a tiny little ball and never come out of it again. He doesn’t want to be a burden to Lan-xiansheng, but isn’t that why no one has come for him before? Is this why Zewu-Jun never came for him when he seems to already know who he is?

Jingyi doesn’t want to eavesdrop anymore, he doesn’t want to hear any of this, but he can’t reveal himself now so he stays put and covers his ears, though it doesn’t keep him from being able to hear Lan-xiansheng when he replies.

“I am still a cultivator, Xichen — I am not so feeble I cannot handle one child. He simply requires guidance, which I am able and willing to provide. Why should I not help care for the next generation of the Sect when I have been on light duty ever since you returned from Qishan?”

Whatever Zewu-Jun says is quiet enough that Jingyi can’t hear it through his own muffling hands, which is good. It’s easier to just hear Lan-xiansheng. He sounds mad, his voice is raised and everything as he argues with the Sect Leader — but he’s arguing for Jingyi. To keep him. That feels much better than Zewu-Jun’s worries that Jingyi will hurt Lan-xiansheng just by living with him.

Their argument ends there with whatever Zewu-Jun said in response, however, so there’s nothing else to hear. Jingyi keeps his hands over his ears just in case, but eventually he feels a warm, dry hand tugging on his wrist and he peeks one eye open to find Lan-xiansheng turned enough to look down at him. A quick glance past him reveals an empty office so Jingyi sits up straight immediately, mindful of his posture now that he’s being observed again.

“Zewu-Jun doesn’t like me,” Jingyi blurts before he can help himself. Lan-xiansheng sighs but he doesn’t tell him he’s wrong, which stings in a distant sort of way.

“Do you know why I allowed you to hear our conversation?”

Jingyi, still feeling more than a little glum and definitely confused, simply shakes his head.

“Zewu-Jun is filial. He is mindful of my health, and concerned that I will be overwhelmed. He was right to tell me so. However, he is misguided in his belief that your presence will harm me.”

Jingyi blinks at that and tries to process the idea that his Sect Leader could be wrong about something. Aren’t Sect Leaders supposed to know everything? Do everything right? It sort of seems like that should come with the job description.

“It is important for you to learn early that no one is truly perfect — and so I do not expect you to be. Just as my nephew is wrong in this, you are allowed to do the wrong thing, to ask or say the wrong thing. You do not have to be afraid of being wrong, so long as your heart is right.”

His head definitely hurts.

“What about being punished though?” Jingyi finally asks, because if there’s anything he knows for sure it’s that wrong things have consequences. That can’t go away just because Lan-xiansheng says so, can it?

“I cannot promise you that you will never receive discipline for things that warrant it, but for now tell me – did you intend to upset Lan Yishan-laoshi by asking about Wei Wuxian’s talismans?”

“No!”

“So should you be punished for asking?”

Jingyi sits back on his heels, thoroughly stumped. Instinct tells him that yes, he should be. But the way Lan-xiansheng is asking makes it sound like he doesn’t think so, which means that there’s something that Jingyi is missing. Lan-xiansheng doesn’t interrupt him as he tries to think it through; he goes back to the things he’d been reading before Jingyi and then Zewu-Jun had interrupted him, and Jingyi pulls his rock from his sleeve again to slowly turn it over and over between his hands as he puzzles the question out from every angle he can think of.

Hadn’t Lan-xiansheng that they would do things like this together to help him learn? He’d said something that morning about solving problems, and answering questions as part of his cultivation theory. This must be one of the exercises he’d had in mind, then. The rules, Jingyi knows, are all there to help aid in cultivation, even though he doesn’t really understand how that happens. What does changing clothes after bathing or only eating three bowls at meals or not wearing too many things on his waist have to do with cultivation, anyway? But if thinking about the rules so much will help grow up into a strong cultivator like Hanguang-Jun and Zewu-Jun then he figures he’s probably got a good start. No one his age knows them better than he does after all – he’s the one who has to copy them the most.

“I could be punished for gossip,” he finally hedges, the statement nearly coming out as a question.

Lan-xiansheng doesn’t look up from his papers as he asks, “What is wrong with gossip?”

“It’s…it’s against the rules?”

“It is. Do you know why?”

Jingyi wrinkles his nose a little and tries to think of why it could be. He can’t remember anyone ever telling him the reason behind the rule, just that it is one, but he supposes that Lan-xiansheng is trying to tell him that there are meanings behind the rules. In that case, if he can get out of punishment by his heart being in the right place even if he does something that seems like it goes against them…then maybe there’s a hidden rule inside the one that’s written down that he’s secretly following without knowing it. The rule against gossip is actually ‘Talking behind others’ backs is prohibited’, and Jingyi thinks about the wording of it for another few long minutes as he tries to figure out all the ways around it that he could have been doing without realizing it.

“I didn’t do it to be mean, that’s why you aren’t punishing me,” he decides. It wasn’t the question Lan-xiansheng asked, but if he notices as much he doesn’t say so. “I didn’t talk about anyone else or try to get others in trouble, I only asked if it was true.”

“Learning comes first. Rather than share the gossip with your friends, you approached a trusted teacher to ask if it was true. You were asking because you found the information strange and unexpected and wished to verify it – you were trying to learn. I also did not expressly forbid the content of your question before you left other than that it had to pertain to talismans – as it did. You will apologize to Lan Yishan-laoshi for upsetting him with careless speech and I expect to see you be more careful with your words in the future, but I will not punish you for having asked to satisfy your curiosity as well as to do what I asked.”

Lan-xiansheng trails off for a moment before he turns enough to look at Jingyi more directly where he’s still sitting a little behind him. “Are you upset by Zewu-Jun’s doubts about you?”

Jingyi thinks, very briefly, about saying no just to be good. No one’s ever really cared if he’s upset about something before, and the instinct to brush it off runs deep. But that wouldn’t be honest, and Lan-xiansheng just said he wants him to be more thoughtful about what he says anyway, so after a moment he swallows down the ‘no’ and nods instead.

“I don’t mean to be a..a burden...”

“I know.”

Jingyi chances a glance up to find that Lan-xiansheng’s expression is much less severe than usual, something a little sad in the way he’s looking down at Jingyi.

“Lan-xiansheng…is it going to be harder now that I live with you?”

Lan-xiansheng doesn’t say no right away, but Jingyi tries not to let it hurt – mostly because Lan-xiansheng is looking at him like he sees him, like he’s looking through him but not in the way that’s always meant trouble before. It’s actually sort of..comforting, in a way. Probably because it seems like, out of anyone else in the Sect, Lan-xiansheng seems to be the only one able to tell what’s in his head even when Jingyi can’t say it very well (except maybe Hanguang-Jun).

Finally he takes a deep breath in and looks square in Jingyi’s eyes to say, “It’s been a long time since I raised a child, so I cannot honestly say that I will find it easy to raise you. But I will raise you, Jingyi, that is a promise. And I will not regret it – I will be happy to raise you.”

That…sounds a lot more realistic than anything else so far, to be honest. All of this..not getting punished, and getting to run and play how he likes, and not having to go to classes anymore just because they’re hard to sit still through – that all sounds too good to be true, and like it could change again at any time. But this? He knows he’s hard for adults to deal with, and it’s comforting that Lan-xiansheng doesn’t lie to him and say that he’s not. But he says that he’s going to do it anyway. Because he wants to. Because it’s worth it. He’ll just have to make sure he’s a proper filial child to make sure that it really is worth it to have him around.

“Do you feel better?”

Jingyi thinks about it for a long moment more before he smiles tentatively and nods. “Yes, Lan-xiansheng. And…and I’ll be even more filial than Zewu-Jun and Hanguang-Jun, you’ll see!” It’s a reckless promise, one that he doesn’t even know if he can keep seeing as it’s difficult to imagine either Hanguang-Jun or Zewu-Jun being anything but perfect and dutiful nephews. But it makes Lan-xiansheng smile of all things, maybe even almost laugh, so he figures it’s okay.

“Avoid undue pride,” Lan-xiansheng reminds him, but he reaches out to press a hand against the top of his head again in a clear gesture of affection that warms him from the inside out, so Jingyi just grins and shrugs. “Do not take your words lightly.”

“Be loyal and filial,” Jingyi responds immediately, still grinning. “Have affection and gratitude. It’s not taking them lightly if I really mean it, right Lan-xiansheng? And I should be filial like they are! I’m…I’m really really grateful, Lan-xiansheng.”

Lan-xiansheng sighs and presses a little harder on the top of his head for a moment before he withdraws his hand again and pours a fresh cup of tea to pass to Jingyi. “Drink this, and when you’ve finished it go to the training field, it’s nearly time for your sword lessons.”

Jingyi hurries to sit in the seat he should be and picks up the tea, drinking it in polite little sips as he watches Lan-xiansheng work. The tea tastes good, a little sweeter than he thinks he’s ever had before, and he smiles a little as he wonders if Lan-xiansheng made it special for Zewu-Jun, if maybe Zewu-Jun likes his tea sweet too. He wonders if that’s maybe a little bit what it’s like to have family – someone who makes you something you like, just because you like it.

He finishes his tea and stands up to brush himself down and straighten out his clothes even though they’ll be a mess again by the time he’s done practicing his sword forms with his practice stick.

“I will see you at dinner,” Lan-xiansheng says once Jingyi is nearly ready to go. “We will walk home together after, so do not run off.”

“Yes, Lan-xiansheng!” Jingyi chirps and heads out to train with the rest of his agemates. The phrase ‘We’ll walk home together’ pings around in his head and warms his chest all the way through training and dinner. After the meal is over, when Lan-xiansheng makes good on his promise, Jingyi reaches up tentatively to take his hand for the short walk back to the Yashi. Lan-xiansheng doesn’t say anything, but he curls his fingers tightly around Jingyi’s as if to make sure he won’t go, and that’s more than enough.

[sanguinesky-if]

[Dev Log] August 2024

Hello, the last month of summer has come so quickly!

First, I'd like to apologize for not responding to any of the asks and messages sent to me since the beginning of July.

Although I am very grateful for each and every one of them and very tempted to respond, I'm currently very busy with the update, so I'll hold off on replying until I release it.

Now, for some news about the update.

What was accomplished last month?

Chapter 3 ch. 1. is set for release on Patreon on August 31.

There are already several sneak peeks available on Patreon! Plans for the month regarding the update: ▹ In mid-August, I'll post a few more sneak peeks on Patreon. ▹ A week before the release, I'll publish a post here on the blog featuring some of the previously released sneak peeks. ▹ On the release day, I'll publish a post announcing the update, including details about what to expect in Chapter 3 Pt. 1, along with all the technical notes.

The blog has reached 2k followers!

I was surprised when I checked my profile and saw that the number had passed 2k. Thank you for all your support and interest in my story! It's incredibly gratifying to read all your kind messages and feel your support. I have no words to express how grateful I am that you spend your time on me and my story. I have an idea for how I can thank you for your interest and celebrate this milestone, but I won't be able to start working on it until the update is finished. Still, I hope you find the wait worth it [it will be available for everyone]!

About my plans for the current month.

The entire month will be spent working on Chapter 3 Pt. 1, specifically: 

Finishing the scenes for the remaining ROs (R, I, and S).

Refining what I’ve written, checking for all grammatical and coding errors.

Adding more flavor text regarding the MC’s appearance and personality.

In addition to that, two short stories will be released on Patreon this month:

A dream that evokes a certain mood [featuring R].

S' way of highlighting the benefits of gossip.

A detailed content release schedule for Patreon can be found here.

Thank you for reading to the end, I'm very grateful for your support, questions and messages!

Have a wonderful week and days after that! ♥

[crysta-cub]

I'm Back

Soooo it's been a hot second since I have posted anything on Here. About 2 years or so... Soooo a little update on life seems to be needed.

I found a guy... Yep after 8 to 10 year or so of not having any relationships other than one night stands I finally encountered a guy that was interested in sharing his life with mine... We both attended a mutual friends wedding (I was a bridesmaid) and he was smitten as my friend called it... We did a little long distance relationship thing. Then he bought a house so me and my dog Eevee could move in with him... We got engaged last Christmas and we just got married on November 5th (remember remember the 5th of November).

So this guy I'm now married to. He already had a cat named Chelsea and it took a while for her to get used to Eevee. Eevee is enthusiastic about meeting cats and Chelsea was once a feral cat who enjoys not being chased. They have come to a mutual understanding. Chelsea is sweet but doesn't care for being picked up.

At first I got a job working at a distribution center loading freight trucks... At night... It was an interesting gig but not what I wanted to do with my life. The hunt for a job I desired was on... And guess what. I now work at a local SPCA. My dream has always been to work with animals and I finally get to do some rescue work.. doesn't pay much but I have been a part of many happy endings. I have fallen in love with soooo many animals here and love seeing them go to great homes.

And this has lead to new additions to our family.

I knew Eevee needed a dog friend so that she'd stop bugging Chelsea all the time and had someone she could play with. I had to wait til we were ready as well as wait for a month due to a requirement from the shelter but this last January we adopted a sweet old soul of a boy that we named Harvey. I like to joke that he retired at the age of two and has country music as his background music. He's not as energetic as Eevee but he is all love and a soft whoo boi. (I love his howls)

Then my parents sold their place and moved in with us until they found their new home. It was nice having them over and not having to cook and clean for a bit. They're retired and my mom still likes to keep busy. At my work someone abandoned a box of 3 week old kittens and I jumped on the opportunity to foster them. Well my mom ended up doing most of the work so I could sleep but we raised them up to happy healthy kittens but only one was a special CH (aka wobble) kitten. We named her Freya and Freya stole our hearts and was the only kitten to decide that Eevee was her dog mother and would go out of their room to seek out Eevee specifically. Eevee wanted to mother all the kittens and Chelsea wanted nothing to do with them. Harvey just looked at us for help if they got close. Freya is growing like a weed and is all mischief and chaos (and we can pick her up and hold her whenever we want)

My parents have moved out and I'm back to doing the adulting but my stories are still running through my head and the itch to write and create is returning. I'm working on one short story I've been wanting to put out for the longest of time. Should be finishing that up soon (maybe today, we'll see)

Enjoy my little menagerie of fur babies

[chelleztjs18]

Chelle! God it's been a while but I hope life has been treatin u well :)

I've been really good! But summer feels just as busy as spring sometimes and I hate the heat, so I feel you with your weather talk 😅 I think I've got a bit of writer's block too (it really sucks now that I have more time to write, yet can barely manage). Though your response was a while ago so I hope you aren't dealing with that anymore!

The only thing I haven't read yet is Half Love. I really wanted to wait until it was finished so I could binge it all, but I figure I might read it after I finish writing this! I really like Ten Days, characters who are a bit oblivious to the fact that they like the other is always fun to watch. They're both secretly simps for each other if you ask me hehe.

I ALSO finally took the time to read up on all the chapters of Lost in Assistance and 63 was definitely a rollercoaster of emotionss, I think you captured the dark theme really well at the end there! I WAS NOT expecting things to go left like that

You said something about wanting to write a dark wanda or dark nat fic and I hope you try it, I think it'll be lovely :) Coincidentally I made a wandanat fic a few days ago which I plan on posting- it's not dark or anything (though I want to try my hand at it eventually) but yeah! You still haven't followed me yet but maybe that's a hint >:)?

I really didn't know how to continue this convo since it has been such a long time, but like I said earlier I hope you've been good 😌

- 🗿 <3

Hiiiiiii!! Oh my god! Yes, it has been a long time!

Sorry for the delay too. How are you?

I just started to feel better after got all fucked up for a week because I got Covid. It was torture so I haven't been really writing that much.

I just started back into writing since the last time I told you that I got writer's block but then I got covid.

It gets hotter and hotter here. It's humid as well. I dont like it and really really hope that summer to end. I love when it rains or thunderstorm here though because it's cooler temperature and the lighting is crazy and thunders are so loud. I literally can feel it shakes the house wall. Have I ever ask where you from? I forgot. I'm sorry. If you are from U.S, which state are you at? You don't have to answer if you dont feel like to.

It has been a while so I forgot what was the last story I posted since our last conversation.haha

About Half Love, well it's still a long way to the end of the story so if you plan to wait until it's done to read it, it will be a while. :D

I'm pretty proud with Ten Days even though it was inspired by a romcom. I love it because that series has the most humor I ever put in my writing. It has been a while I havent update it, i gotta write that soon. ahaha.

Yaay, you finally read ch, 63.. I think that was the fic I posted the last time I talk with you. I already posted ch. 64 and starting t work on the last chapter of the series. Ch. 63 was my first trying to write something dark and i'm glad it worked out.

I also finally wrote my very first Dark!Wanda oneshot and my very first Natasha fic! Yaaay! Can't wait to hear what you think about them. Also, I really wanna read your work.. Too bad after I follow bunch more tumblr writer, I still havent found you and followed you :( I will follow more then.ahahahah.

Who do you write for, wanda, nat and wandanat or other characters as well?

I hope you have been good as well and we can talk more. I'm glad i hear back from you!

Cheerio!

[adavellis]

Do you foresee the break to revise part 4 being the same length as the one before part 3? Also, for someone who doesn't really do well with cliffhangers or lack of closure, would you say parts 1-3 are good to read now, or would you suggest waiting until the whole story is finished?

Love your work btw, I read part 1 and particularly the way you wrote Sylvanas really touched me.

Thank you for your kind words!! I was really excited to explore Sylvanas from this perspective in particular. I hope the rest of the fic lives up to what you've read so far!

The timing thing is a good question. Part 4 is currently only 5 chapters long (I thought it was 6 but apparently I was wrong); but it needs frankly even more revision than Part 3 did because I haven't touched it in six months or so, and a lot of new plotlines have cropped up that need to be addressed

At a guess, I expect I'll need to add maybe 3 new chapters to it, so it'll probably be 8 chapters in the end (plus or minus, depending on how I'm feeling). That still makes it significantly shorter than Part 3, which was 17 chapters total (33-49). If I had to guess, it might be a month or so after Ch.49 before I start posting Part 4 chapters, but that's really just a guess - a lot depends on how my job and mental health are going

Regarding readiness-to-read: Part 3 ends with a conclusion to the action/violent sort of tension, so I would say it doesn't end on a cliffhanger - once it's complete, there's no more looming danger or big secrets to be uncovered or fights to be fought or anything like that

But it does leave some unresolved emotional conversations and questions about the future - Part 4 is basically about Sylvanas & Jaina settling some lingering political and magical uncertainties and talking about what they've been through and deciding how to move into the future, and about the other characters recovering from Part 3 and having some important conversations they haven't had yet with other people in their lives. It's basically a big long sequence of closure and gestures towards the future

So if you mostly want to avoid dramatic nail-biting cliffhangers and looming threats, I think you can read parts 1-3 now! (Or in a few days once chapters 47-49 are up.) But if you also want the emotional closure to many of the personal issues that have been raised so far, that's going to come in part 4 (especially Sylvanas' political situation, Alleria's issues and how she and Maiev navigate those, and what Sylvanas/Jaina plan to for the future - but also all sorts of other little things)

Anyway, I hope that helps! I know a lot of people like to wait for fic to be complete - I'm often that way too - so I'm excited to finally tick the "complete" checkbox and hopefully invite some new people to give it a shot!