#but i'm proud of what i made this year.
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2024 Writing Year In Review
tagged by @persnickett :~) thanks friend
speeding 72 - january 27 - the maze runner, brenda/teresa (90% written in 2023 )
“Do you wanna go somewhere?” Brenda asks you. “Somewhere else. Somewhere we choose.” The stoplight reflecting in her eyes turns green, and you nod. You are Teresa Agnes, and you fall in love in the passenger's seat of a truck.
2. longing needs the leaving (loving needs the bleeding) - april 1 - the chronicles of narnia, caspian/peter
“You’re gone,” Caspian growls. “You’re never coming back.” “But I could!” Peter insists. “I could come back. The island can make it happen.” -- A reflection on Caspian's life and relationship with Peter, alternating between the events of Prince Caspian and The Dawn Treader.
3. my girl's girl - may 7 - the maze runner, teresa/brenda/minho
When Minho jokingly suggests that his girlfriend Brenda ask out her new coworker she seems quite smitten with, it turns into a real shift in their relationship.
4. survival is insufficient - september 29 - the maze runner, teresa/beth
Years after a deadly virus wipes out most of Earth’s population, Teresa roams the wastelands as The Traveling Doctor, offering her services from place to place rather than settling down at any one. When she comes across a new group led by the former firefighter Beth, she begins to question everything she thought she knew about her purpose in this new world.
honorary mention: put down your weapon, child - january 4, 2025 (was almost entirely written in 2024) - the maze runner, gen
He was trying to protect me, Chuck realizes. Just like Gally did. Just like Alby. He surprisingly thinks, for a moment, that he’s getting a little tired of people trying to protect him, if this is how it’s going to keep turning out. - Chuck survives the escape from the Maze. This is the trilogy through his eyes.
#skipping tags bc i can never think of people who haven't already been tagged#so to summarize:#finished something that took me months in 2023 for some reason#Got Possessed By Caspeter Oh My Fucking God#i'm back on that bullshit btw. someone please read that fic i need to scream to someone about them.#then i wrote a very lighthearted fic for the rarepair event#Then I Got Lost In The Teresa/Beth Sauce.#and then i continued to exceed my word count expectations for the chuck genfic for oak#i'm honestly shocked my girl's girl is as low wc as it is given the everything about me.#but anyway this was. a year. for me.#i'm kind of hoping the chuck fic is the only thing i write this year#the only other one i'd accept is finally finishing my big brenderesa wip#i have writing burnout LMFAO#but i'm proud of what i made this year.
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[Toon x Mobster] A tender moment.
[Animation timelapse here!]
[AUDIO USED:] Chet Baker - Almost Blue Sound Effects edited by me!
#toon x mobster#jack desmond#gavriel huffman#original character#original characters#original character art#oc#ocs#oc art#oc animation#oc animatic#I made a little animation about them because I was craving it#I needed to see these two being soft and very loving towards each other#HEY YOU KNOW WHAT THIS IS REMINDING ME#it's like one of those videos back in the early internet years with fandom characters being animated by fans kissing each other HAHAHA#2012 aesthetic <3 two anime/game characters being animated kissing and everyone either screaming from loving or hating it#ooohh those were fun times..#again. I had so much fun with the sound effects [YAAYY I MADE THEM REAL ARE YOU SEEING THAT I DID THAT]#I'm so proud of myself [took literal hours browsing through sound effects with tears slowly sliding down my face]
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what if i broke all the bones in your legs actually
#ramble#please let this be a fucking joke#i cannot imagine being this out of touch#YEAH IT'S ALMOST LIKE ART TAKES FUCKING EFFORT AND THE MAJORITY OF PEOPLE DO ENJOY IT ACTUALLY#the phrase 'labour of love' exists for a reason#i sat and watched my grad film on repeat for days when it was done bc i was so proud that my hundreds of hours paid off#I DON'T MAKE ART TO SIT AND LOOK AT IT#I MAKE IT BECAUSE I PUT TIME AND LOVE INTO IT AND I GET TO LOOK AT IT AND BE LIKE I MADE THAT WITH MY HANDS!!! AND MY BRAIN#GOD FORBID YOU PUT A SECOND OF WORK INTO ANYTHING IN YOUR FUCKING LIFE ANYMORE YOU USELESS FUCK????#i'm so sorry i'm unreasonably mad about this#is it crazy for me to say that you should have to do some things in your life?????? god forbid you read your own emails#what are you DOING how fucking LAZY can you be????#and that is NOT a word i ever want to use but this is the DEFINITION of lazy#kids with adhd aren't lazy. tech bros wanting the exact same things that people have worked years for at the push of a button are lazy#i actually need to go and put my face in grass i'm so upset#thankfully. basically every musician who saw this shut it the fuck down and told him he was an idiot so that's nice
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"but there is nothing more beautiful and terrifying than innocence."
open for better quality | no reposts
#n harmonia#natural harmonia gropius#pokemon#pokemon black and white#fanart#myart#doodle#can't believe they dropped the rawest line of the century in a mainline pokemon game. unova remakes when??#for context one of my friends sent me a video of this trend w/ kvh and it made me think of N so here we are#me the whole time drawing this: please don't let me fall back into my N phase please don't let me fall back into my N phase-#but yeah i haven't drawn him in like what. almost 10 years?? and i'm really proud of how the 2nd piece turned out#younger minty would be so happy i can draw him prettily now lol#also (not so new) trivia drop: did you know g.hetsis' hydreigon has a moveset that can singlehandedly wipe N's party??#i only just recently found this out and it has horrifying implications#anyway!! tldr i love and missed my boy so i drew him ^^
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A very late Birthday + Christmas present for @gen-is-gone based on The Year of Intelligent Tigers by Kate Orman
I designed it to function as an alternate cover for the book as well!
#EDAs#doctor who#dr who#eighth doctor#fitz kreiner#anji kapoor#karl sadeghi#the year of intelligent tigers#this was one of my favorite EDAs (unsurprising) and I really wanted to see what I could do with it when Gen asked for fanart as a gift#and then I made a design with way too much going on and it took me months to finish whoops#I'm very proud of the final product though
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2024 Tumblr Top 10
1. 11,390 notes - Sep 3 2024
2. 3,349 notes - Nov 5 2024
3. 2,299 notes - Dec 16 2024
4. 2,109 notes - Nov 6 2024
5. 1,806 notes - Jun 1 2024
6. 1,579 notes - May 29 2024
7. 1,254 notes - Aug 15 2024
8. 1,250 notes - Oct 22 2024
9. 1,223 notes - Jul 12 2024
10. 1,114 notes - Feb 9 2024
Created by TumblrTop10
waow 2024 is almost dead!!! gone too soon. feels like it’s been a big year for me art-wise for many reasons, BUT. i’m making 2025 bigger.... hopefully....i’ve made some art goals for next year which i won’t explain in detail but they boil down to 1) do more studies 2) tackle my weaknesses (backgrounds, dynamic poses/angles, uhhh lots of stuff i am a one trick pony right now) 3) get into drawing comics, all of which are in preparation for 4) take my story ideas more seriously and get started on one of the many graphic novels living in my head. i have one in mind i HAVE to complete in my lifetime or i will die, but firstly i’m gonna mess around with some little standalone svanhildr comics perhaps. goat fans rejoice.
anyway i wasn’t meant to ramble so i’ll just say THANK YOU for the support as always!!! i’m very flattered all of these have more than 1000 notes.....crazy. thank you. muah
#tumblrtop10#my art#looking forward to 2025 i really really REALLY REALLY want to get stuck in with my story ideas.....#my main passion project i'm more and more leaning into not even sharing i cannot lie. it's very personally made for ME to love and enjoy#and i suck at a lot of what i'd need to draw for it (humans interior backgrounds and an art style that's at least a little gritty)#GOD it's been taking over my mind so much i want to gnaw on it but it's in my head#so maybe i'll just do a first draft for me and me alone and when i'm in my 30s and maybe better at those things i can draw it finally#actually one of the characters for that features here hiii mockley!!! coming in at number 2 most popular of 2024 i'm so proud of her#her design's come a long way i'm kind of super happy with her as always <3 i love you my repressed old woman dinosaur#ALSO i'm SOOOOO excited about a character i made recently i can't wait to share her with the world#she's been a LONG time coming....my goirl.....#i will hopefully show her off in the new year#ALSO no one will see this i'm sure but thank you to my commissioners for the patience#i have now finished my break and will continue drawing
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The similarity is uncanny... Fairy godmother being Azul's grandma is starting to look more and more canon /j
And what if I say I had a secret fem azul ver I mean what. Who said that
Anyway, non-sparkle ver is utc! (Coincidentally, Sparkle from Your Name just started playing)
I bet you didn't expect to see the ver I made last year. But yeah bro when I colored I made them look like ghosts idk 😭😭 The glow up goes crazy, all in the span of 11 months (tbf to past me, I was also lazy and speed ran it)
Taglist: @solxima @angelwishess @scint1llat3 @distant-velleity @twtysevapr @cynthinesia @h0neybane @viperbunnies @linabirb @thehollowwriter @wafflethewitchboy @siphoklansan @jewelulu @skibidibabygirl @gimmeurmoneyagh (ask me if you wanna be added/removed!) Sorry I know y'all probably weren't expecting to be tagged for. whatever this is 😭😭😭
#Get this to 1k and I'll post a fem azul one challenge (impossible)#Idek what I was thinking when I first made this OANODNFKSF#But I'm very proud of it. This is my magnum opus#Now I wonder how different my art will look in a year#twisted wonderland#twst#twst art#twst fanart#azul ashengrotto#twst azul#And featuring:#taruchi#It barely shows how I plan for her mostro lounge outfit to look like HAHAHA#Anywhoozle... Off to the war (math assignment) I go#☆ taruchi's drawings 🖌
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The Group Photo feat. Sam and Adam 🥹💙
All of my fav boys in one place 🥹
#plane just landed and this was the last video i had to share 🥹#guys. i was SO DAMN enthralled by Adam but didn't take a single picture because i didn't want to seem weird 🥺 be proud of me pls 🥺#i didn't really payed him much attention during the st set. But OH BOY. i really was so focused on bilmuri#but everytime he came to our side i just couldn't look away. they could've been setting a car on fire om stage and i wouldn't know#he was literally within an arm's reach. and at one point he took off his hat completely AND the hoodie#so my guy was walking around with loose hair and visible tattoos (with a t-shirt). pussy fresh serving millions#and sam 🥹 well. he a cutie pie#you can't see me in the group photo cus i'm LITERALLY behind the banner#but i made it in the back-to-back photo of iii and ivy on iv's post 🥹#i was there and my friends were there and it was amazing and beautiful and aaaaaaaaa#i need to do a recap once i'm actually home but. wow. what a show and what a way to *basically* end the year#sleep token#adamrossi#sam hallett#sleep token vessel#sleep token ii#sleep token iii#sleep token iv#sleep token tog tour#london ritual
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i have GOT to stop drawing things for fics i haven't written yet
#qkdraws#id in alt#mob psycho 100#mob psycho#mp100#mp100 ritsu#ritsu kageyama#takenaka momozou#in general i think i'm pretty proud of this one#i was going for a very specific vibe and i'm not sure if i rly hit the mark but i got close i think#i love giving ritsu long as fuck hair. boy get u a brush and some scissors my god#goes against his generally put-together appearance in canon#in my heart he's a messy 13 year old with leaves in his hair and no brush to be seen in his bathroom. he doesn't own one.#he learns to be a little more Himself after s3 and he becomes a little less perfectly civil and a little more Wild#without the gang fights this time tho. character development#that's within ritsu standards ofc. he still says please and thank you and still sits w perfect posture at the dinner table#but if he comes home w mud in that stupid spiky cut uhm . let him live his life ? damn.#what was i talking about . ...oh right the tumblr post#if u ask me abt this fic i'll give u my entire collection of cool rocks. they're around here somewhere.some of them are sparkly#i like drawing takenaka i think his hair is fun#it's basically oot link hair and that's always cool#made it extra messy this time. to convey the Horrors#u have no idea the amount of restraint it took to NOT put ritsu in a hoodie here#im god's strongest soldier
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random note about king on that animation, i got really lucky with how simple his animation was and how clean my sketches were to begin with that i was able to do very minimal cleanup on what i had sketched (and add back. his horn. it's supposed to take place just after echoes of the past, Oops) and call it done that way instead of having to redraw the entire thing like i had to on his dad
first sketch > line cleanup > nearly final animation (i'd added slight eye movements last-second but otherwise that's the final)
#toh#the owl house#animation#gif#king clawthorne#the lineart slightly flickers on his one paw where i had to erase the tag and i thought it would bother me a lot more#but most people seem to use the internet on their phones - coupled with the darker palette and color of his fur#it basically completely hides it#based on feedback i don't think a lot of people realize i made that and it's not a gif from the show lmfao#BUT ITS STILL REALLY NICE THAT PEOPLE THINK IT IS!!!! I AM NOT AN ANIMATOR I AM JUST A HOBBYIST...#i animate like once a year... shits hard man.... but apparently when i do animate. its extremely good :) proud of that#even if i have an extremely unhinged way of animating#i don't have an animation program i draw everything individually frame by frame in photoshop#each character had their own psd file with the same background and every frame was its own group. twice. one for sketch one for colors#i do test takes with gifcam (there are literally 55 WIP gifs in my documents folder rn) by switching between layers and taking a 'frame'#and i compile in blender's video editor and to move things separately i save each character's frame in its own .png 'cel'#so luz was her own 'cel'. king was his own 'cel.' etc. and then i have to manually slide the lengths of the frames around#to match the right framerate. traditionally animation is animated at 24 FPS on 2's - so 12 frames a second. i go on 3s. 4 to slow down#anime-ass framerate. i'm insane apparently but its what i like to do#i dont understand real animation programs they have too many pieces but i DO understand photoshop and my funny brushes#imagine having Digital Programs and Still basically doing ye olde traditional animation method just in the computer#if im Just making a gif then i only use gifcam and switch between layers. like digital stop motion. somethings wrong with me
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the best books i read in 2024!
this year was all right in terms of reading. there were many duds, but the books i did enjoy i truly enjoyed, and really stuck out to me in a sea of mediocrity. there's a difference between a book i think is good and a book i think is great, and that's when it changes my brain chemistry in a way that inspires me as a writer <3 all of these just had a little kick to them. i really wanted to emulate some of what these books did in my own work.
intermezzo: i'd never picked up a sally rooney book before because i wasn't interested in them being primarily romance oriented, but the brothers being the main characters here intrigued me so i picked it up and the rest is history <3 this was so tender. it's about the importance of community and how the small kindnesses of the people around you are what will save you and how people need people. it was so lovely. and i was completely enamored with her writing style, the way she used two completely different styles for ivan and peter, it was so effective. and i love when a man is in intense emotional pain, so ivan's chapters were like crack to me. i don't care if this didn't really have a plot, or that it was, as one review said, ‘just sad people doing sad things’, it scratched such an itch in my brain and made me realize i do actually quite like contemporary if it's written like this. introspective, meandering, somber, thoughtful 💙 my favorite book of the year!
in memoriam: historical fiction my beloved <3 so i've already spoken at length how i adore english novels that take place in the english countryside around the ww2 era (or any era of turmoil/at the cusp of change) so it was a given i was going to love this, and i did. i still can't believe this is a debut....the character work was astonishing, the newspaper clippings made my heart drop every time, the meditations on england, the futility of war and the clarity it brings, the way the wool was pulled from their eyes all made for such an immersive, emotional experience. it was so unbelievably good. again, i'm in shock this is a debut.....i can't wait for what else alice winn does.
pink heart jam: my only manga! this was completely unexpected. i loved this one so much. bl is full of tropes i couldn't care less for so i was shockingly pleased how normal this was. like, the two main characters were even the same height (!!!!), their conversations felt so realistic and honest, there was a tenderness and maturity to it all that i absolutely didn't expect (the bar is in hell). is it perfect? well, no <3 but the older i get, the less time i have for nonsensical garbage, especially in the bl genre (why is it so hard to find a tender, raw story that isn't just gratuitous sex and unsavoury tropes and which also has a lovely art style.....), so this was literally a diamond in the rough—i'd honestly given up finding anything worthwhile. i'm so disappointed that part 2 was cancelled....i know i won't find anything else like this for a long time.
poor things: shockingly funny! i think it's really hard to do the 'new human learns about civilization' type of story in a way that's both engaging and entertaining but poor things manages it and more. a scathing critique on capitalism and patriarchy. what struck me really is how pathetic all of these men are, whining and flapping about in the name of some supposed goodness they are working toward. the use of language, especially hyperbolic language made for a book that i did not expect to be so funny, and bella’s dialogue was such a treat. two different narrations of the same events by two unreliable narrators makes for a reading experience that has you questioning everything you've just read while reaffirming the core themes of the text. it's genius.
the library at mount char: i don't want to say too much about this one, but there's a genre of book i like to call simply fucked up. just outlandish in the best way possible. what a wild ride.....everyone should read this one!
now for my two honorable mentions—
the goldfinch: this is no surprise.....i'll read anything donna tartt writes. like what else is there to even say about her. she's a master at the craft, and i loved sitting back and relishing in that fact and knowing i was in such capable hands. i loved the experience of reading this. she created such a world and such a colorful cast of characters and i loved being along for the ride, especially as someone who's enamored with art and art history. i'd been meaning to read this one for years and i'm so glad i finally did! when's the next book donna!!!!
prophet song: really harrowing, really prevalent story that absolutely moved me to my core with some devastating imagery that's going to stay with me. a family torn apart, a mother's ironclad will in ensuring the survival of herself and her children. it was hard to read. all throughout there was a permeable tension pulsing just underneath the surface which made for an unputdownable experience. it's really important. everyone should read this one!
#yay i'm proud of myself for not writing novel length descriptions <333 it was these books that made me realize omg i love reading....#bc let me tell u there was so much nonsense i read this year :(( these books were my shining lights#what do i even tag this lol#books 2024#edit: IF YOU SAW THE FUCKED UP FORMATTING NO YOU DIDN'T HGKSHFJD i fixed it now.....
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I'm one year older today, so I figured I gotta wrap a present or two~
.
..
...
... Wait...
... I got it backwards, didn't I...
... I'm supposed to be... uhh... the one opening gifts today...
... Oh, how incredibly silly of me...
Welp, I'm sure Ramattra doesn't mind~
#Borb's Scribbles#Overwatch#Ramattra#Unholy Abomination#rest in pepperonis my blog's rating#fr tho my bday is the time of year when i allow myself to be completely unhinged and self indulgent in art#bc may as well treat myself right?#my victim this year is our poor ramram#and i just so happened to be in the mood for something more... extreme... this time#i doodle sin every once in a while#tho it's been YEARS since i made sin that i would deem “finished art”#this is the first one of those i'm actually proud of#and HOT DAMN I did not realize just how much power i have in my hands-#shit i may just have to draw polished sin more often#because if i don't draw what i wanna see who will???#i have been disrespectfully staring at the other variants for way too long now-#...oh yeah did i mention there are rated e variants of this?#because OF COURSE there are#kinda wanna post them but tumblr would probably crucify me for showing robot schlong#welp ya'll just gonna have to live with that i guess lol#jk jk bear with me while i wrap my head around a website that allows this stuff to be posted-
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Hiii, i love your stuff and kinda from a distance really look up at you for, in my perception, being able to express yourself without giving a fuck. Thats sick dude, Im so so afraid, of absolutely everything, its nice to think like i might grow into someone less apologetic of my existence. Nice to see people just being yknow
hey, thank you, this is really really nice. the secret that is probably not a secret is that i am also deeply afraid a lot of the time lmao -- but less than i used to be, and in ways that feel less stifling and self-suffocating, if that makes sense.
like, it used to be "i'm scared that if i express myself the way i want to, everyone will find me obnoxious, so let's just sand those edges down to be safe" -- now my fears are more like "now that i'm expressing myself in a way that feels natural and real, i'm afraid that it's all stupid/vapid/not worthwhile or meaningful" (<- specifically abt my art) or "i'm happy that i talk and act the way i want to now, but what if it makes me impossible to befriend," etc etc etc. which still feels bad and puts me in a funk a lot of the time but at least it's a fear that comes After/in reaction to doing stuff, rather than a fear that STOPS me from doing stuff, you know? like, it's evolved into a kind of fear that's less in my way.
anyway. i believe you'll experience something like this, because wanting to grow is the first step of growing. the fact that u hope or wish for something different means you're already on your way. to fewer fucks!! or at least distributing the fucks u give in a way that serves u better
#stuff like accepting that i'm reserved and i'm not very accessible via messages.#or that my online tone isn't very bubbly and it's weird and uncomfortable to force it.#i stop letting fears about that shape my behavior ('i'll look mean or snotty so let's force markers of Friendliness to avoid that!!') -#- and instead act the way i want to and then trade it in for new fears that come After the action.#also a good reminder to give urself is that if ur fear is abt how other ppl perceive u (as 90% of mine is personally)#u really... can't actually control that. and being very very anxious abt it all the time is usually ur brain throwing a tantrum abt not--#--having that control. bc it is understandably very scary that u don't have that control#as much as it sucks + is terrifying the truth is the only thing u can do is ask urself 'am i behaving in a way that i'm proud of'#'am i behaving in a way that's in alignment w my values + what i think is important'#bc if the answer to that is yes and somebody hates u or is deeply offended by ur existence anyway. well. literally not ur problem#but obv being at peace w that is way way easier said than done + requires tons of practice and will take. probably. years. which is fine#i am stuck with myself. i can either contort myself forever trying to be someone everyone will like and find totally nonthreatening and-#inoffensive and in the process exhaust myself totally and never feel safe or natural myself. OR#i can say okay. so i am a kind of prickly guy with stern and drab speech patterns and close to no social energy. and i think i can still be#-sexy and fun this way. and it is up to other ppl to figure out if they can agree w me on that#ANYWAY enough rambling for now. just another one of those things i think abt a lot so i have a lot of ready-made sentences abt it in mind
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*voice of boy who just experienced romantic/sexual attraction for the first time* did you guys see that. that was insane. wdym you live like this
#um?????#i've had “crushes” before but that was just guessing#it wasn't until *checks calendar* two days ago that i discovered what y'all are talking about#that was legit insane#also very proud of my initiative. underneath it all i'm quite bold. got his number (re: asked him if he wanted my number which is much more#fun. also he later told me that it made him blush which is cute) and he danced with me.#and it was such a vibe???#like. i've been flirted with before#specifically a guy asked to dance with me (we were at a dance) and like. i did but it was really not it. i'm very enthusiastic when dancing#and there to have as much fun as i can and he was doing that awkward shuffle step thing and i could tell he wasn't really into dancing and#it felt he was bringing me down. dampening the vibe.#but with this guy we were vibing like crazy. he liked dancing! there was energy! he twirled me! it was insane you guys#also he has the cutest little southern accent#i didn't notice at first but my friend pointed it out to me and y'all it's adorable#got his spotify and we like a lot of the same music too#unfortunately he lives 2-3 states over (depending how you count)#we've been texting though#i met him at my competition so if we both win again i'll see him next year lol#finn says shit
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depression is really weird actually wdym i spent 2.5 years of my life in bed
#and wdym that lifestyle changed so quickly into being out and about and an active member of the world??#very proud of myself#and i mean it wasn't that quick of a change#it was like 1.5 years primarily depression bedrotting with occasional school -> primarily depression bedrotting ->#primarily depression bedrotting with 3-9 hours of work weekly -> straight into 31+ hours school+9-12 hours work weekly#so there was somewhat of a gradual progression#but still#also wowza i wake up 7-7:30am every morning now. 1pm was an early wake up for a not so insignificant amount of time#i mean of all fundamental growth years to miss out on the ages like what 12/13-15 aren't too bad? they would suck in a different way if i#had been socially involved#anyway it's just. yea i'm proud of myself but it is a crazy lifestyle change#and even when i was deeply depressed in a horrible routine i feel like i learned a lot. how to regulate my emotions and cope well and find#the joy in everything. bc if i stayed in bed all day then i would at least be happy about the sun or whatever#and for the while of being not at school at all i WANTED to be at school i just could not find one bc our school system is so cute like tha#(basically every school is at capacity and the local school that has a guaranteed place for me would have been an all boys or girls 😭)#but i miraculously found and got into this school and miraculously made it work so well for me socially and now academically#it's also a good time to get back into school for my education bc any later and it woulda been pretty bad for all my certifications and uni#ive missed out on so much maths that its not worth it to me to try and catch up but my teacher knows that#but ive always hated maths regardless i only ever understood it for the first half of yr 7 then my attendance dropped#and after my recent exam i decided to try harder at school. but i still got an A on the exam i didn't study for!! academic weapon fr#i'm just idk thinking back to myself in the past few years#and how hopeless it all felt. but i got out of it!! i beat the depression and social anxiety and found a good place and made the most of it#and during the peak of my depression i remember i went out someplace near my old school and panicked so so badly about seeing#kids from my old school. and the friends at the time didnt really check on me when i went to shake and cry in a side street lmao#i kept the best of that friendgroup and have better friends now. but anyway now i take a bus each morning with some kids from my old school#and you see these hands? they look like they're shaking to you?#anyway yeah it's just cool i got to this point :) i really had no hope for so long but now i have a life i'm living and a future i'm build#--ing towards#which is funny i just decided some random day last november after watching some better call saul 'huh actually lawyer would b pretty cool'#and will i get there? we'll see but i do have hope now
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#i don't think the fic is bad or anything but it fought me more than any story has this year. mostly bc of how i've been feeling?#and i think i could've made it a lot better if i'd shelved it for like two or three months tbh#until i was in the right mindset to try to say what i was trying to say? which is one of the main reasons why i shouldn't do big bangs tbh.#but! it's done. and that's the important thing lmao. and i did say my priority this year is finishing things not making them good#i do feel like. there's? some pressure? well-meaning and incredibly kind to be clear! but i do.#but i feel like i have. expectations? on me? and i'm not sure this is going to live up to them?#which is. like i think the story turned out fine but i feel like ppl expect more than fine? from me?#which!!! sounds conceited!!! i am aware!!! but i don't mean it in conceited i mean it like. i'm /stressed/ lmao.#like i think i'd be more okay with failing to meet my own expectations if ppl were okay w/ expecting less from me?#this is a mess.#i just wish i could be proud that i got it finished and instead didn't feel like i was going to let ppl down who expected more?#anyway. i've been working on my internal expectations this year. and i think next year has GOTTA be about external expectations lmao.#like it's absolutely no one's fault it's my own bad brain and you're absolutely not responsible for my feelings!! it's just.#anyway. i'm going to focus on being proud of myself for finishing it because it was very very very hard for me to do that#so it's done! and that's exciting!#and that's gotta be the most important thing for me rn lmao#stretching that writing muscle tag
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