#but i'm old and can remember when she was in eastenders

[thenotoriousscuttlecliff]

Just love how Anita Dobson showing up to the Doctor Who premiere with her musician husband is blowing a lot of fans minds

[forensicated]

Smiffina Episodes - Episode 299

Smithy: How are you today?

Gina: Busy as ever. How's Custody?

Smithy: I meant-

Gina: I know exactly what you meant.

Smithy: (about Gina following what the doctors have told her like stopping smoking) I do hope you're obeying those orders.

Gina: I made the right noises.

Smithy: You mean you lied.

Gina: Would I? [Smithy looks at her hand] What...?

Smithy: [internal eyeroll as he walks off] nothing.

Gina: .... I'm giving up!

Gina bollocks JT for giving a woman the address of a man who has found her handbag for her to go and collect it... the man in question was Alan Kennedy - under surveillance by Sam and Terry after their case against him was thrown out of court after Andrea was torn apart by the defence barrister.

Smithy comes in straight after to 'give Gina some paperwork' aka: check up on her and make sure she's ok. Turns out he's been doing this roughly every hour all day. He gently confesses he's never been in the situation of someone he cares about telling him they have a serious illness, especially given he can't speak to anyone else about it - and he's sort of floundering. He knows it's off topic to talk about with Gina too. Gina shouts that thats why she doesn't want to tell people because you have to spend half the time consoling them. Smithy shouts back that he didn't want consollation, he wanted to offer support "But you don't need help from anyone ever, do ya?!"

Gina sees him a little later and he's clearly still a pouty boy so she leads him into her office, by his hand, to talk to him properly.

Gina apologises and Smithy visibly softens and he asks her if she's told her family, she says no and he says that she should. "Why? My fathers dead, my brothers dead and my mothers been in a state of semi-conciousness for as far back as I can remember." Her mums in a home in Kent now, but when Gina was a kid she used to be addicted to vallium "and be crawling the walls when trying to come off it and staring into the middle distance when she was on it." "So your dad raised you then?" "Oh do leave off, an EastEnd bookie? I brought myself up!" She tells him and Smithy gives her a small smile at that thought. "Something pathetic isn't it... about a 50 year old woman banging on about how terrible her childhood was." "According to you there's something pathetic about showing any form of emotion at all." ouch! Gina says she can't afford to fall apart because she doesn't have a support network to pick up the pieces.. "The irony is you do." Smithy tells her. "You just won't let them." Gina swallows hard and stops, realising there is something that she does have to do. She tells him that she's the only person to take care of her mum and asks him if, when she goes into hospital for her treatement, she could give the home his number incase anything happened. Smithy tells her instantly that it's not a problem. He then adds, as he leaves, "If you ever did want to fall apart.... I promise, I wouldn't tell anyone." My heaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaart!

[sunsetsover]

i'm a pretty new viewer and i really love ben, But one thing that irks me is when he was talking to bobby and he says he doesn't think about heather like, at all. just considering how affected he is by paul's murder, i find it kinda strange he doesn't dwell on how her murder could've affected people idk - do you think he just can't handle thinking about it or hes seriously just able to say 'that was a mistake oops' and forget about it?

i personally took him saying that less as a 'i killed her and i don't care' thing and more as a 'it happened but i’m not dwelling on it’ thing. i mean it was a terrible, terrible thing and like with all terrible things, it’s human nature to do everything we can to not think about them. so while i completely understand why him saying that might irk you and other people, i personally kind of get it. it's like that 'i have to laugh otherwise i'll cry' mentality. but if you’re talking about it on a scale, i do think it kind of leans towards the 'he just can't handle thinking about it' side - like if he dwells on the fact that he killed someone all the time, how could he possibly move on with his life?

and just because he doesn't think about it now doesn't mean he hasn't thought about it in the past. him killing heather must have happened right around the time i stopped watching eastenders bc i have very little memory of it happening, but jay saying 'don't you remember how we felt after hev?' to ben in the hospital when he was gonna bump off phil says to me that it was obvious to the people around him that did affect ben, so i feel like it’s safe to say it’s not like he killed her and just went about his business as usual. and let's not forget he did go to prison for what he did. i'm sure he had plenty of time to think about his actions there (whether he actually did or not is another story and i doubt we’ll ever get an answer). and all of this happened nearly 10 years ago at this point, y'know? (he was only, what, 15 at the time? old enough to know better, yes, but still just a kid in a lot of ways) so i'm sure his feelings on the matter have faded somewhat over time. that's just what happens. and tbh it wouldn't surprise me if he has almost distanced himself from what happened in his mind, like it was another person or another lifetime.

i also think he said it more for bobby's benefit rather than because it's completely 100% true. i mean like what was he gonna say? 'yes i think about her all the time'? he was trying to help bobby move forward, not make him feel worse. like i personally don't believe that ben never, ever thinks about heather and what happened. do i think he thinks about it often? no. do i think it affects his day to day life? no. but i don't believe he never thinks about what he did either. i think it's a matter of him choosing not to think about it so he can go about his day to day life, like i said - and i think this is just something he does - with all the terrible things he's done, and all the terrible things that have happened to him, too. i think he’s good at compartmentalising. 

and i have to say i do think comparing what ben did to what happened to paul is a little bit unfair. if you’re a recent viewer you might not have seen the scene itself or know exactly what happened (or how young he was), but the contexts are very different. ben hit heather with a photo frame, yes, and he did lie about it after the fact too, and i am in no way condoning that. but he hit her one time, and she fell and hit her head. he didn't batter her. and he was still fairly young, and he was already traumatized and fucked up, even back then. but he didn't intend to kill her. he didn't mean to kill her. it was a tragic accident in many ways. whereas paul was beaten to death by a group of grown men because he was gay. and maybe they didn't necessarily intend to kill him either, but they certainly didn't give a fuck what happened to him after they’d made their point or had their fun or whatever fucked up reason they did what they did. but those boys wanted to hurt paul. they wanted him - and ben - to suffer. i know which one is worse in my mind.

ben's fucked up. in many, many ways. he's done plenty of fucked up things. but u know. this is a soap. he’s a character in a soap. my moral compass kind of goes out the window when it comes to soaps. he has done and said many things that would disgust me if he was a real person. but he's not, he's a fictional character in a soap opera. so u kind of just have to go 'man that was fucked up' and move on u know? u can't afford to get caught up on pesky things like 'morals' when stanning a soap character otherwise you'll never be able to enjoy it 100% !!

and idk if you’re from the uk or watch other soaps but like?? ppl be killin ppl ALL the fuckin time - and not even necessarily villainous or bad characters, just like the normal ones. it happens. the fact that what ben did is still brought up to this day is kind of rare tbh bc a lot of times soap murders will just kind of get swept under the rug. maybe every so often you’ll get a mention of it or the audience will be like ‘remember when so and so killed that guy?’ and that’s it.

but yh basically in terms of character i think i has affected him, but it affects him less now. and i don't think it's that never thinks abt it bc he's forgotten abt it, but bc he has to be able to live his life now and he can't do that if he dwells on what he’s done, you know? :-)