#but i'll blame the 'rona

[connorjesup]

Gannibal + Blood

[aviatrix-ash]

I have no idea where I'm going to be this time next year. I'll be fully certified to maintain planes by the summer, and tho I will likely get my start playing with the flight school's planes sometime in the next few months when I get my Airframe license, if all works out, I may get with the local cargo planes after- but there's a high chance the airlines might snatch me up. I have little desire to go into the airlines, ngl, but I may if they bribe me enough, which will end up having to be pretty damn nice bribe cause I already known what the cargo guys have on the table. The offers I've seen from 3 of the biggest airlines so far are extremely lowballed in comparison. 😆Even then, I would still prefer to get into NOAA's Hurricane Hunter base. 😏

They say the airlines are desperate for A&Ps cause most of the people they had the last 20-40 years are retiring rn. + at the beginning of 'rona when all the airlines were grounded, they made thousands of their employees retire, 3 of my teachers in the last year were among em. It's kinda funny, one of teachers said they legit offered him 20k cash to retire on the spot early 2020, so of course he took that, I don't blame him! Tho now they're calling him up during class to come back to work. He turns it down each time cause even tho he's worked for em for 30 years, they keep offering their starting wages (16-18/hr depending on day or overnights) and he's like "I'm not squeezing into fuel tanks again for that!"

When the CEO of that one airline stopped by my class last month to whine about how he can't get any mechanics, but his wages would start at less than what I made in retail and top off at about the same as what I could make in any local warehouse. Like bruh, you want me to be held responsible for thousands and thousands of lives for that and I'd have to move to one of the most expensive cities in the US?? Nah bruh.🙃 Ngl tho, it's kinda nice getting to call some shots as the worker for once. Some of my old coworkers see it as stingy but the sheer level of liability and real consequences that can come if there'sa fuck up makes you think twice. Every older aircraft mechanic I've talked to say they keep a lawyer on speed dial, the companies and the feds will try to do everything in their power to make their job easy and fuck over the easiest person to get. And keeping good personal records of the work you did on a plane can be the only thing keeping you from being charged for murder. One of the museum guys I volunteer with said it almost happened to him because the airline had lost records of a repair someone else after him did. I've seen my Airframe instructor break down after retelling some of her legal battles. & my powerplant teacher says🔺️ deleted lots of old records back in 2011- the big airline that still flies jets that are 30+ years old. In normal US court of law you're innocent until proven guilty, with the FAA you're guilty of crashing a plane with 200 people on it until proven otherwise. Yah, not playing that game. I love aviation with all my being, but imo that type of stuff is more scary than flying any clapped out 1960s flight school shitbox plane. + yah, I highly value my free time and wellbeing, but I know exactly how dangerous this work can get and just what kind of toll it will take on me in time. My options are practically endless rn when I get that card, so I'm going to go with what's best for me. ((':

[manifestashi]

Hi, Rona?

How are you doing? How does it feel to become a “sarjana” finally, particularly a Sarjana Filsafat? Does it weigh your crown with the S.Fil title assigned behind your name? Nonetheless, your hard work paid off, ya, at the end. Proud is an understatement indeed.

Anyway, congratulations, My Blush of Lust! Cool dudes must have finished college in 3.5 years and you are certainly one of them.

Gue sama sekali nggak tahu gimana cara mengawali sebuah surat—oh, more like, I don’t even know how to write it at all. But I’ll try my best, so please bear with me ya, Na.

After all, I want to assure you (once again) that nothing is going on between me and Nadja, me and Yuna, or would you mention more and more other random girls? Yet deep inside my heart, I’m fully aware that it was all my fault. Blame it on me, Na. The way we could not work out … the issues were on me—however, I do wish for us to work out, though.

Oh, where should I begin to address the “girls” matter? Maybe I’ll start with Nadja since I assumed she’s the major reason why you’re pissed off these days—right?

Waktu itu gue lagi BM mi ayam banget, khususnya Mi Ayam Ungaran—tapi sayang udah abis. Terus gue kepikiran jalan agak jauh buat cari mi ayam lain, tapi waktu itu lo nggak bisa nemenin karena ada persiapan sempro sama event Tiktok apa gitu. Dan kebetulan, di sekre BEM saat itu ada Nadja yang mau pulang ke rumah orang tuanya di Semarang. Ada acara mendadak katanya.

Wait, calm down. Biasanya Nadja naik travel dari pool deket kampus, tapi pas itu kehabisan. Jadi ya, sekalian deh, pulang dari Candi Borobudur, Nadja akhirnya berangkat dari pool di Magelang. I can see it might hurt you in many possible ways. I’m really sorry. Gue sadar, niat untuk membantu ternyata nggak semua harus direalisasikan.

Terus terkait Yuna. Again, I guess it’s our different perspectives toward the boundaries. Gue pikir interaksi gue sama Yuna ya, sewajarnya temen biasa, temen BEM dan temen satu fakultas. Gue ngerti banget, di mata lo nugas bareng dan makan bareng, sampai pulang bareng itu terlalu kelewatan. Gue harap kita bisa berdiskusi lebih lanjut tentang ini secara baik-baik.

Terakhir, masalah temen KKN. Pure my dumbness. Misal gue bawa-bawa masalah love language gue yang dominan physical touch-quality time apalah, udah seharusnya gue nggak menjalin hubungan seintim itu sama dia. I’m not going to defend myself this time. Tapi itu semua udah selesai, Na. Sekarang ini, gue udah nggak ada siapa-siapa, just in case.

Na, you have no idea how our 3 AM conversations are still stuck in my mind. Thank you for accompanying me throughout most of my lonely time. I wouldn’t be able to survive college without you. I hope the world treats you and us nicely, ya.

Speaking of us, you gave me talks that I didn’t get enough of, Na. Let’s have more, okay? Artemy for the second time, maybe? Promise I'll bring my own Dunia Sophie next time. I'll also be delighted if we could savor another Malatax lunch or Jalan Persatuan dinner :)

Well, I wish you the best of luck in your next endeavors. I am sure you'll achieve everything that you deserve like you always used to.

The bottom line is, that you must live a happier life than me.

That’s all, I’m going to end here. Please remember that I cherish you a lot—more than as a friend. I really do.

— JH

[theflyingfeeling]

Okay okay bear with me with this one because I had Thoughts™ about Cult Channel this morning and I’m making it all of your problem now

First of all I gotta say I don’t really have a specific plot or anything. Sometimes it’s enough to just vibe okay ✨

Anyhow, cult leader Olli is a vicious man with some sorta (childhood?) trauma because of course there’s trauma (what kind? fuck if I know). Everyone loves him and fears him at the same time, except for his inner circle who just loves him, unconditionally and despite all the monstrosities he does

What kinda cult is it? I don’t know exactly, but it’s definitely creepy and definitely not legal 💀

He’s a bad bad man, but inside he’s so so broken and barely keeping it together

(Additional tags: drug use)

Aight, you ready for some pining and unrequited love? His oldest friend Joonas is pretty much the only person with whom Olli allows himself to be vulnerable, but only when things are really bad and only in the dark of his chambers. Doesn’t mean he still isn’t a manipulative asshole to Joonas when he’s in that kinda mood. Does that mean Joonas is still ready to kill and die for him? Absolutely, in a heartbeat. He is so far up Olli’s ass and he knows it, but he can’t help it. He needs to protect Olli, no matter what bridges he may burn and the hearts he may break in the process 💔

Oh, that not enough for you? Well, Joel has not been in the inner circle for long enough to make it in the leader’s bedroom yet – until he does, and falls head over heels, thinking Olli feels the same (you fool). Joonas knows exactly how Joel feels when they witness Tommi entering the cult leader’s chambers one night (Tommi gets invited whenever Olli is in need of a particularly wild time), and the two end up comforting each other, in more than one occasion, enough for poor Joel to fall for Joonas and then break his own heart once he finds Joonas in Olli’s bed again (Joonas knew he shouldn’t, because he has really started to like Joel too, but one look from Olli is all it takes to make him surrender)

I’m happy to tell you, not everyone is in love with Olli. Niko, always the rebel, would follow Olli into the fire for sure, but recently he has begun to challenge Olli in various situations. Does he wish he was the leader? Who knows 👀

Aleksi is a cop, hired to infiltrate into the cult to catch the leader and his minions red-handed, but he and Niko fall in love. However, it’s Aleksi who gets caught instead and is thrown in the dungeon (because of course the cult has dungeons) until Olli comes up with a suitable punishment for the man. Niko is heartbroken for the betrayal but helps Aleksi escape nevertheless, but not without making Aleksi take an oath to not tell anyone anything about the cult, because despite everything, it’s the only family Niko has ever had. Aleksi is conflicted but promises Niko he won’t rat on them. After a couple of weeks missing Aleksi like crazy, Niko purposefully starts a fight in a bar downtown and, according to his plan, is thrown in the drunk tank where Aleksi finds him and takes him home. *insert a scene where the two of them are lying naked in Aleksi’s bed, with Niko groping Aleksi’s now short hair, blatantly telling him he preferred it long (but he still loves him)* 👮‍♂️

(this part of the plot may or may not be inspired by a show I’ve been watching on Netflix recently hehe, but just imagine Aleksi all buff in a police officer’s uniform 😩)

(the pants are so so tight)

aaaaaand that’s all I got so far 🤔 thank you come again 😇

[aflairformisadventures]

welp i've just gone and made a right fucking mess of things on my spotify, that's the only relevant thing i've done this year wbu

[magicdreemurr17]

Hello everyone... Magic here. I'm sorry that I haven't posted anything for the past... three months? Give or take? There's been a lot that has been going on and I wanted to address why Lost In The Echo has been put on another abrupt hiatus.

To put it simply: I am not feeling well. No, no, I don't mean to say that I caught "the rona" or anything like that. Physically, I am well (sort of). Mentally, I am not well. The past three months have been extremely stressful, both irl and online, and I had to take a break from writing (and drawing) in order to attempt to recuperate, but I keep getting things thrown my way when I attempt to get back into said writing.

If you follow me on Twitter or know me on Discord, you might know the context of what has been happening lately between a friend of mine "Crystal Flame" and Glitchtale's creator, Camila Cuevas. I won't go into extensive detail, but I will be posting a link to a video by "Hopeless Peaches" to give you the most detailed explanation possible on the whole situation (and out of respect for Crystal and the others who were done so wrongly, I would appreciate you not referring to this stuff as "drama").

People might be wondering why I jumped into this rabbit hole, and to put it simply, this isn't the first time a friend of mine has gone through something like this, and it got personal for me that this particular friend, who came clean to said other party who knew this dangerous individual, was blamed for their unfortunate experience. It makes me so obscenely angry that someone I would give my life for is having their reputation damaged by the queen of a hivemind who doesn't even deserve her fanbase after proving time and time again that she cares more about protecting the fanbase rather than her fans themselves.

Bringing up accusations against someone this popular, regardless of how much evidence you bring to the table, ESPECIALLY if their fanbase consists mostly of minors or ignorant kids, is like going to war. At the end of the day, it'll be tough, stressful, and you might not even win. What scares me most about this predicament is the kind of backlash that's likely to ensue on the parties against Camila in this situation (one of whom, I'm fully aware, has been in the line of fire of her fanbase already).

On top of all that, as if this situation alone wasn't bad enough, I'm going through some literal hell irl. I won't disclose details, but it's incredibly stressful to deal with someone who's purposely trying to damage your mental health because they have nothing better to do. Because of all this, my sleep schedule (again) has been thrown out of whack and is no longer consistent as it once was.

Bear in mind, most of Lost In The Echo's content in done solely by yours truly. I do all the writing, editing, and proofreading all by myself. Sure, I'll occasionally get friends to draw promo posters for me (mostly because I can't afford to pay another artist, let alone hire a damn editor), but for the most part, Lost In The Echo is worked on by a single person (me).

I didn't want the state of my mental health with everything going on to affect my writing, so I took a step back without saying anything, but I don't want to leave my readers in the dark forever.

I will be coming back after Christmas, hopefully by then, everything will have calmed down and I can actually have stable mental health again. I really want to write more of Lost In The Echo so I can share an Undertale story that most people in this community can love (I can't please everybody, but I'll damn well try).

Thank you for taking the time to read this and (hopefully) understanding.

Stay Determined! <3

[byul153]

Penthouse, Episode 12

When I think of you regretting and blaming yourself every day, I thought I should write you.

What happened to our Rona...I know that it wasn't your fault. Since the true culprit will soon be revealed, you'll be able to go free.

The one who wasn't able to protect Rona...was me. So don't keep blaming yourself.

I'll take all the blame with me.

--Yoon Hee

NO NO NO NO NO NOT ONE MORE DEATH--

[deergoeshome]

Autumn Reflections: Daydreamer

The winter solstice was yesterday, so I have spent the last couple of days reflecting upon the happenings of the last season & holy heck you guys what just happened?

I got the rona at the end of the summer & was convinced I was for real about to die. I'm pretty sure I got sick at the beginning of 2020 too, but it was nothing compared to these two weeks of misery. I hadn't been this sick since I contracted typhoid seven years prior, & I lost over five pounds in five days because I had no appetite. All this to say, if you haven't gotten sick, I do not recommend!!

What was worse than the physical symptoms was the toll it took on my mental health. Maybe it's because I had what seemed like endless hours of reflection time to get lost in thinking about all that has transpired in the last two & a half decades. Or perhaps it was because I am likely one of the most social introverts you'll meet, & the isolation in my room drove me insane. Basically, I was not okay. And what's scary is it feels like the lasting impact of this event affects me to this day.

A number of patients who experience really bad cases of this illness will report experiencing a brain fog for up to six months after contracting the virus. I was not hospitalized, but I would have considered it had the option been presented to me. I blame my bad habit of abstaining from the drinking of water for pretty much any symptom I ever experience, & that day I finally drove myself to the doctor, I can't recall having ever wanted anything more than to be in a hospital bed with an IV in my arm (lol).

After spending nearly two weeks in isolation either sleeping most hours of the day or wishing I could fall back asleep during the hours I was awake & miserable, I felt like I was returning from the land of the dead. It was a really scary experience realizing I didn't want to be awake the times I was awake.

During this time, I realized I do this thing where I will daydream a lot to cope with uncomfortable things. I will plan crazy trips, come up with fun business ideas, or dream up some romantic future relationship for myself when I need to distract myself from the unpleasant realities of the present, even if it is something as minor as waking up in the middle of the night unable to fall back asleep. There are nights when I will dedicate like three hours to planning a tour of South America just because I can't sleep. Like I have maps in the drawer of my nightstand that I will pull out to visualize all the places I'll go, & I'll have dates & flights planned out & everything. I will admit that some of my best ideas come from this type of daydreaming, but of course most of it stays hypothetical.

I also did this when I attended university, & it was for much longer periods of time than just a night of restless slumber.

I had some pretty lofty goals as an undergraduate student that, at one point or another, involved medical school, joining the navy, starting some businesses, teaching with Americorps/Teach for America, & international missions (medical or community development). I now realize that daydreaming about my career became my way of coping with the stress I experienced from the rigorous course load, family issues, & a pretty unhealthy relationship in which I found myself.

What's really sad to me is the fact that I can't really tell you what happened my last two years of college (when I was dating my ex). I can't recall many details from conversations I had, what I did over breaks or on trips, or what I would do for fun. Given, I was kind of really depressed for most of this time, so I'm pretty sure I spent the little "free time" that I had either in therapy, working out, or distracting myself by hanging out with my boyfriend, dreaming about our future together. And I spent so much of my energy focusing on this career path for myself because dreaming about being a doctor is what got me through several hellish semesters of hard classes, waning friendships, & an unhealthy codependent romantic relationship. So I notice when I reminisce about college, it's mostly memories of freshman & sophomore years. It's like my brain blocked the rest of it out.

And that's when I realized what a time warp you find yourself in when your thoughts are so directed at dreaming up something that isn't rooted in reality, that you lose touch with what is actually going on around you. How long have I been doing this subconsciously? How much of my life had I blocked out because I was daydreaming about something else to cope with hard things?

It wasn't working this time. All I wanted to do was fall back asleep because no amount of daydreaming about a future trip, career, or person was bringing me any comfort. What a defeating feeling it is to realize that the thing in which you have conditioned yourself to place your hope is not real. The things I daydream about have not happened & will likely never happen. How much of my life had I spent living like this? What do I actually have to show for the last two & a half decades of this life?

I called my best friend because I felt insane, & she's good at being the voice of reason in my life. I told her how depressed I was feeling. I tried to explain this confusion I was experiencing about feeling like this life I am living isn't real. She suggested after my last day of isolating, I drive to town to hang out. I need to be around people.

It was the weirdest experience returning to society. I felt like I was constantly having an out of body experience mixed with a recurring case of deja vu. I was also really depressed so I had very low motivation to do anything & a very difficult time making decisions. And then I noticed I couldn't remember things. I would be driving up some streets that I used to pass every day, & I couldn't remember how to get somewhere. Or I would be trying to remember what exit was coming up on the highway, read the name of the street on the sign hanging on the overpass, & forget what I just read 30 seconds later.

I was really scared to return to work. I pulled my boss aside, looked him in the eye, & told him, "Hey, not to sound dramatic or anything, but there is something wrong with my brain."

Without going into all the details of the autumn season, basically I felt like my worst fears were all coming true. I couldn't remember things. I was hyper emotional & spent several minutes to several hours of every day crying as I struggled with the anxiety & depression. I was letting people down which meant I was a bad leader & friend. I needed help but wasn't getting what I felt like I needed. I would force myself to get up every morning & show up for a long day of work, convincing myself if I could just make it to my afternoon break or the evening, it would be okay. When those breaks came, I would walk back to my house to cry or sleep, but I would be overwhelmed with thoughts of self harm & hopelessness. This was a regular occurrence for a period of one & a half months.

In October, I took a vacation, & it was the first time I felt like myself in months. I road tripped through Colorado down to New Mexico during one of the most iconic times of the year here in the Rocky Mountains. All the aspens were changing to gold, & it had been on my bucket list for several years to see the aspens change at the famous Maroon Bells as well as to attend Albuquerque's International Balloon Fiesta. I had no idea when I planned these activities several months prior that I would be a complete emotional wreck that fall.

I worked one last miserable day at work, got in my car, & spent the night at my best friend's apartment in Denver before leaving early the next morning to head west before turning south to go through the mountains.

I didn't cry nearly as much as I thought I would that first day of driving. During those horrible weeks, I would frequently look forward to being in my car by myself for two hours at a time because that meant I had two hours of uninterrupted cry time (or karaoke time if I got tired of being sad). I lived for those drives to Denver to see my therapist.

But that day, I drove four hours to Aspen-Snowmass area & could barely shed a couple tears. I thought long & hard about what I've made of this life over the last two & a half decades. I thought about college in Oklahoma & my post-college life in Colorado. I thought about high school in California. I thought about all the places I'd been in the last decade as well as all the people I've met & all that I've experienced. I decided to make a mental list of what has happened the last ten years.

I felt thankful that among that list, I had spent over a year collectively abroad on six different continents. I felt blessed for having met my best friends during this time. I felt proud to have learned a new language. I felt exhausted but grateful at the thought of being in school for most of that time & that I was able to walk for two different graduations in the same decade. I felt happy for having discovered favorite books & book series.

And then I got out of the car & hiked around the lake, among the trees, & to the base of those beautiful peaks. I got out my lunch & sat for a long time. It was the first time in a long time that I felt thankful to be me, right there in that spot at that point in time experiencing those senses that allowed me to appreciate being in one of the most spectacular places on earth.

It drizzled on my way back to my car. I stopped at a stream to watch the rainbow trout rise to the surface for bugs for a good half hour or so. Then I drove another four hours to Crested Butte, the wildflower capital of Colorado. I had missed my window of opportunity to visit earlier in the summer when the entire area is teaming with dozens of varieties of wildflowers, but I decided to go late anyway. I took Kebler Pass, a long dirt road with beautiful vistas displaying the changing aspens. It rained almost the entire time. Initially, I was tempted to feel sad, as I had grown very accustomed to feeling, but I couldn't help but feel happy with all the yellow outside my windows.

I spent almost the entire next day in the car driving through various mountain towns with names that sounded vaguely familiar to me after having lived in Colorado for several years. I went through Gunnison, where I had visited previously in the middle of the summer the last time I was distraught & my boss sent me away to regain my composure & sanity. I went out of my way to check out Telluride because I heard there was a free gondola ride that takes you up to see some spectacular views of the trees. I stopped in a thrift store & bought a pocket knife.

Then I proceeded to drive through Ouray, Silverton, & Durango down the "Million Dollar Highway." I can't imagine that I didn't cry while doing this. It was so beautiful, & I was so happy.

This last picture is me & a bagel when I stopped to read about the Dillon Pinnacles near Blue Mesa Reservoir.

[marshmallow-the-vampire-slayer]

MTVS Epic Rewatch #193

BTVS 7x11 Showtime

Stray thoughts

1) Rona was such a wasted opportunity of a character for a show that has a track record of treating POCs poorly. Instead, they turned her into the Token Angry Black Girl. Le sigh.

2) I guess we were supposed to be into the flirty banter here, but it feels… I don’t know? Too forward? Too abrupt? Too soon? Too unearned?

KENNEDY You don't have to do this. Flooring it. In the bag. 'Cause nice big comfy bed right here. I mean, you ought to know. Your bed.

WILLOW Yeah, but no. I'm OK. I just, I like it down here. It's firm.

KENNEDY Funny, you look a little uncomfortable. Or... is it just me? (…) So, you're saying I should enjoy having this bed all to myself as long as I can?

3) Using the dead potential to infiltrate Buffy’s house was a smart move but The First didn’t play it right. But I’ll get into that later.

4)

RONA Um... why is that guy tied to a chair?

XANDER The question you'll soon be asking is, "Why isn't he gagged?"

 5) Your Cordelia is showing, Buffy…

BUFFY We know stakes don’t kill it, but anything in those ancient books about what does? Sunlight, fire, germs?

6) I get the point they were trying to make here…

EVE Spike? Sorry, I'm confused. He's that vampire who's been killing people, right? He's the one you're worried about helping?

BUFFY Well, we need him to—he's the one that's been—it's complicated, Chloe.

They were trying to highlight that Buffy wanted to rescue Spike for personal reasons more than anything. But there was a more obvious and rational answer to that question: the fact that the First wanted Spike and had obviously been manipulating him should be enough of a reason to want to keep an eye on him.

I still can’tunderstand why no one could put two and two together! Especially Giles...

7) Spike dreaming of breaking free and seeing Buffy is #sad. And then the way he repeats “she’ll come for me” as a mantra is #waysadder. Although it’s beautiful how the reality ended up being so much better than his fantasies.

8) Shocker: Xander truly was Anya’s best boyfriend.

9) Anya is the true hero in this episode.

ANYA OK, Torg, look, you open this tiny little gateway to the Beljoxa's Eye for me, and I'll— You and I will go— I'll have sex with you again.

Same, Giles.

10) Sloppy Firsty tsk tsk.

If it had cleaned up after its murder, as one should, it would’ve gotten away with infiltrating and manipulating the potentials for way longer and getting priceless intel in the process.

11) You’re damn right, Dawn.

ANDREW OK, here's another interesting thing: how come the slayer's always a girl?

DAWN I dunno. 'Cause girls are cooler?

12) Now this is so cool, I love it!

I wish we’d gotten to see more demons/monsters like this one. For a supernatural show, Buffy was usually pretty light on the horror part of it or, well, repetitive (is this a penis metahoor?) 

13) There is something that I appreciate about Kennedy: her bravado and fearlessness. Most of the girlss are sacred shitless, and she’s like, let’s go kill some stuff.

14) And I fucking love this moment. I don’t know, it kind of proved the show still had a few tricks up its sleeve and that it could still surprise us, you know? It’s such a small moment and it almost goes unnoticed, and when it’s revealed what actually was going on it acquires so much relevance.

15)

WILLOW Last time I tried using magic, The First—it turned it around on me. Got inside. I felt it just surging through me, every fiber of my being. Pure, undiluted evil. I could taste it.

KENNEDY How's evil taste?

WILLOW A little chalky.

16) WTF Buffy!

Literally 20 seconds later...

The fucking Turok Han was after them and this girl took her time to put on her jacket and buttoning it up??? PRIORITIES!!!!

17) Now, this is something I didn’t need to hear…

ANYA I just—I don't understand how Buffy's death mucked up the whole slayer mojo. You know, it's not like she hasn't died before.

GILES It's not because she died. The Beljoxa's Eye was quite clear about that in its enigmatic way. It's because she lives. Again. Buffy's not responsible for that.

ANYA Oh. Oh. Willow and me and Xander and Tara. We're the ones who brought Buffy back. We're—we're the reason The First is here, the reason those girls were murdered. No, it's our fault. The world would've been better off if Buffy had just stayed dead.

��How dare you, Anya. How fucking dare you. Yes, they fucked up, they had messed with dark forces they couldn’t even imagine because they were selfish and scared. And while there’s truth to what Anya says, there’s something about the way she phrases it that rubs me the wrong way. Because, you see, she’s putting the blame on Buffy. She’s saying: “the world would be better off if Buffy had stayed dead” instead of “the world would be better off if we hadn’t brought her back”

18) I fucking love this, all of it. Iconic.

BUFFY Looks good, doesn't it? They're trapped in here. Terrified. Meat for the beast, and there's nothing they can do but wait. That's all they've been doing for days. Waiting to be picked off. Having nightmares about monsters that can't be killed. But I don't believe in that. I always find a way. I'm the thing that monsters have nightmares about. And right now, you and me are gonna show 'em why. It's time. Welcome to Thunderdome.

It truly is an iconic moment, and for good reason. The previous episode had ended with Buffy making a grand speech which was more of a mission statement than an actual plan. The potentials could tell she had good intentions, but they had yet to see what she was capable of doing. On the contrary, they had seen at least two of their own getting killed off, Buffy being beaten up, and The First easily infiltrating their home without anyone noticing it. Buffy needed to show them in an unequivocal way that she was a force to be reckoned with, and that she was putting her money where her mouth was.

In-fucking-deed.

The fight with the Turok Han is definitely one of the most memorable fight scenes in the whole show, and yet another highlight of the season, in my opinion.

And she was so damn right, even if it was still more for show than anything.

BUFFY See? Dust. Just like the rest of 'em. I don't know what's coming next, but I do know it's gonna be just like this. Hard. Painful. But in the end it's gonna be us. If we all do our parts, believe it, we'll be the ones left standing.

19) BRB, crying.

I just love how far from the fantasy he played out in his head this scenario is. He imagined there would be this epic battle and that he’d kick some Bringers’ ass and then Buffy would be waiting for him, loving and welcoming. The hero returning to his lady. In reality, there was no battle at all, it wasn’t much of a grand rescue, and instead of being the hero he was the damsel in distress. Buffy simply arrived and set him free. But the way she looked at him, with such tenderness, that was so much more than what he could’ve asked for, let alone imagined.

20) Good episode!

21)  If you’ve got this far, thank you for reading! If you enjoy my recaps and my blog, please consider supporting it on ko-fi. Thanks!

[pjisskullourful]

ok it was my bad🙈🙈🙈🙈 im blaming the rona brain cos ya girl has been in a thicc fog

i hadnt deleted every single end of chapter note from stainedsheets& gayenough so it was the same issue as last week- phew!

communicating with ao3 now& i'll let yall know whenthe fics are back up

im a dummy-- but you have to be nice to me

WTF?? Stained sheets is hidden now?? Oh my fucking God! 🤬 Is there anyway you can contest it to get it back up? Of course we’ll all keep reading it here on the app regardless but that is so fucking annoying. What the fuck is wrong with people? I’m so sorry you’ve got such a dickhead doing all of this. It’s fucked.

honestly idk what kind of contesting/appeals process ao3 has-- so if anyone has faced this before& can give tips, damn i'd love you forever

i filled out this thing from the email but who knows when they'll get back to me

im really annyoed about it cos i dont know why those 2 got pulled. the initial email lastweek told me to stop sharing my comm link so i did, i took it out of all the notes of each fic, took it out of my bio, removed the tag 'commission' from every fic it was on. so i genuinely dont know what rules i've broken & its stressful

its also annoying cos i work so fucking hard on my shit. i try to be flippant& just have a good time-- but fuck me running, i work so damn hard, especially on gayenough, thats like my most favourite child. stainedsheets had my most hits& getting to look at that number whenever i wanted was such a confidence booster& ya girl doesnt have a whole lotta things to pull confidence from& now this troll is taking more& im pissed

[apicturewithasmile]

Got tested and will get the result by monday. That being said... I'll have to find a new gp because that guy just was a total asshole when I mentioned my panic attacks. He literally did everything you shouldn't do when a patient sits there and says they have panic attacks. He patronized me, blamed me for going to him instead of my psychiatrist (like... I'm here for a Rona test - why would I go to my psychiatrist for that?), said it's "irresponsible" that I'm not taking my meds (aka the ones I got prescribed a week ago for emergencies!). What a fucking asshole.

So.... sitting in my doctor's waiting room bc either I'm just in hyper panic mode or my corona scare is justified. Been lowkey feeling dizzy, sore throat, sour taste in my mouth, no appetite, headaches for the past few days. And that could all just be my brain fucking with me or I got a common cold or I got the rona. (Please just let it be my brain fucking with me!!!)