#but i'd love to do another stream of the movie soon actually

[sirfrogsworth]

The Death of Physical Media

I keep seeing this concern around all of my home theater circles. Ever since Best Buy decided to abandon physical media there has been a call to arms to save it.

Chris Stuckman did a great video on his love of physical media.

I admire and share his passion.

That said, I think there is nothing to stop physical media from being scaled back. At best, it will end up like vinyl and only a few select titles will still be pressed.

Which is why I think saving physical media is the wrong fight.

There is a much larger fight that encompasses more than just blu-ray discs...

(I'm going to use really big letters for dramatic effect so don't get startled.)

DATA OWNERSHIP!

(Imagine a long trailing echo when reading that in your mind.)

(Sorry, I probably should have included those instructions in the previous parenthetical. So go back and read "data ownership" again with the proper gusto.)

(Did you do it?)

(Was it cool?)

(Cool.)

A blu-ray is just data.

The disc does not positively affect the visuals or the sounds. It's just 1s and 0s coded into microscopic pits. You can put that data on a hard drive. You can put it on an SD Card. You can put it on a thumb drive and wear it on a necklace.

You can even use WinRAR to break it up into little 1.44 megabyte chunks and save it to floppy disks.

Another 40 more cases of floppies and you've got Avatar preserved for life!

The medium is not important.

The *data* is important.

And as everything turns into a subscription we are losing out on ways to own data. Beyond that, people aren't yet seeing the value of owning data. If renting a digital download is cheaper, they are almost always going to choose that option.

So the fight is two-fold.

We need to fight for the right to parrrrrty own data.

We need to convince the populace of the value of owning data.

This can apply to software, movies, video games. Hell, I don't even own my damn doorbell videos. There is no way to download all of the footage. I'd have to do each video one at a time. And if I don't keep my subscription, I will no longer have access to that data as it will soon be deleted.

We would need a platform similar to Steam—though it isn't the perfect data ownership solution. Many titles require internet connectivity and DRM verification. What happens to our media when a company goes out of business and the infrastructure to verify the DRM over the internet is gone?

So that would need to be addressed. Perhaps a new form of DRM linked to our digital identity that can be verified locally.

I mean, I'd love to get rid of DRM, but that is probably not realistic.

I think the best avenue is probably a congressional law.

"The Own Your Own Data Act"

TOYODA?

We can workshop the name later.

In conclusion, we don't need to save blu-rays. We need the option to buy data and actually own it in perpetuity.

Meaning if a streaming service deletes a movie or a movie studio goes belly up, our data doesn't disintegrate along with it. We cannot let our favorite shows go extinct. We need to be part of preserving that history. Not to mention discs have a shelf life. But data can be transferred to new mediums indefinitely.

My house is just going to be wall to wall floppy disks.

[waldau-archived]

it's just us — boo seungkwan | 1,672 words | fluff, hurt/comfort

uri boo :) title comes from his lovely cover of as it was by harry styles. sometimes you need to realize that there are people who actually want to listen to what you want to say, as i learned the hard way. also, seungkwan 💞

gender neutral reader. warnings: none.

seungkwan's hands are almost trembling when he slots the key into the lock of his door. they are trembling, but he doesn't want to let himself believe it. because if he does, he's going to have to acknowledge the fact that he can't get through tonight without seeing you in some way or the other. he doesn't want you worrying over him because he always wants to be taking care of you, not the other way round.

with a deep inhale, he opens the door of his house and prepares to spend another lonely night by himself. maybe you'll be free just long enough to talk to him on video call for a while. that has to suffice till you get back.

seungkwan doesn't expect to see the lights on, or smell something delicious on the stove.

he doesn't even have the time to worry about an intruder in his house because you walk out into the living room from his bedroom, towelling your hair dry. you're supposed to be in paris, for work. you're not supposed to be here, in his place, looking like everything he needs right now.

"hey, kwannie," you say, dropping the towel on the back of a chair and making your way to him. "i know this is sudden, but we wrapped up the conference earlier than expected. i thought i'd come here and stay the night. i hoped you wouldn't mind."

of course it's okay. it's more than okay. but seungkwan can't believe you chose to come to his place after what must have been a tiring week. he doesn't trust himself to speak, but you're still speaking.

"...something for you, i hope you like...kwannie? you okay?"

you're there when he takes shaky steps forward, unsure of what to do with himself. he wants to hug you, kiss your face a million times till you push him away with a laugh, wrap you in his arms and just exist with you, breathing in and out.

instead all he does is kick off his shoes and collapse on the couch. he doesn't want to talk about it. can't, not when you've come back to him after a week away. surely you don't want to listen to why his day was bad. you've even made dinner, for crying out loud.

"kwannie?"

"i'm fine," he says. he thinks you know how untrue it is.

"anything i can do for you?"

"no." he wants to be held by you, but he's scared the facade he's put up is going to come crashing down the moment he's in your arms.

"you sure? are you hungry? do you want me to pick your favourite movie with dinner? run you a bath?"

"i said no."

"but—"

"please, can you not?" he snaps. he doesn't mean to. he regrets the words as soon as they leave his mouth, given that they do little to dispel the burden in his chest. and now he's ended up hurting you, too.

you say nothing, simply walking away to the kitchen. fuck, seungkwan thinks. he shouldn't have said a word. he's wanted you all day long, and he's so lucky you're here, but the first thing he's done is snap at you?

he sinks sideways to hide from you, and before he knows it, there's tears streaming down his face. he's been holding them in for long enough that they don't stop even when you come out of the kitchen, sitting next to him and resting a hand on his thigh.

"kwan," you say softly. "come here?"

seungkwan lets himself be pulled into your embrace, his head resting on your chest while your arms pull him closer. he wants to sink into you forever.

"is this okay?" you ask, pushing his hair from his face. he can finally see you clearly. you don't look upset, or annoyed, or anything he feared you'd be.

"yeah."

one of your hands comes up to wipe the tears from his face. "bad day?"

he nods. "i'm sorry i—"

"shh. i know. want to talk about it?"

"not now."

"that's okay. do you want to hear about my day instead?"

that's what seungkwan loves about you — you always manage to find a solution. whether it's working out what to do when the lights go out, or when you run out of something you should have bought from the supermarket last week, you're level-headed, and he really needs that right now.

he settles himself more comfortably in your embrace, blinking out the rest of his tears while your fingers catch them and wipe them off, your hands still around him.

he listens to you talk about the weather in paris, your weird colleague who wouldn't stop singing during the board meeting, the food you had — it's all mundane stuff, but it helps to ground him. you're here for the night, and you're not going anywhere.

"i missed you every single day there," you sigh, your chin resting on his head. he can feel the slight drip of water from your hair, but he doesn't mind. "every time i took a picture i thought of you."

"really?" he asks, rhetorically.

"yeah. maybe we should go to paris the next time you're free. there's so many things i think you'd like. also, i got you some croissants, but they're probably rock solid by now," you say with a grimace. "maybe the oven can help."

"maybe."

there's silence for a while before you murmur his name in a questioning tone. seungkwan buries himself just a bit more into you, not wanting to have the conversation he knows is inevitable.

"i'm not...asking you to tell me what happened, but i want you to know you can, okay? you're always there to listen to me and it's kind of unfair if i can't be the same person for you."

seungkwan breaks a bit at that. you're not pushy; you just want him to be fine. he's anything but a hypocrite. he thinks of all the times he opens his arms to you, wanting to listen to everything that's bothering you till you feel better. so he shouldn't shy away from being like that with you, right?

"do you really want to hear me talk about...stuff?"

"yes." to emphasize your point, you push your leg under his and curl it towards yourself, effectively trapping him in place on top you. "i'll not let you go."

he feels a giggle come up. "then don't."

and you don't. you reach for the throw near the armrest of the sofa and drape it over the two of you. it's like time stops for seungkwan — all he's aware of is you underneath him, your breath even. he tries to match your breathing.

"have you been sleeping well?"

seungkwan could lie, say that he has, but he thinks you know the answer. "no," he says, refusing to look at you. "missed you."

you sigh, running your hand through his hair. "kwannie, you have to. you know i can't always be with you, right?"

"then move in with me," he says, before he can fully think about it. "i'm sorry, i didn't think—"

"i'd love to," you say, pressing a kiss to his head. "but i want you to say it with a clear mind, okay? i don't want this to feel like you're forced."

"i'm not...i want you to move in. but not right now."

"ask me again later?"

it's not the first time seungkwan marvels at how lucky he is to have someone like you in his life. you're his, and while he's gotten used to the permanency of you in his life, topics like moving in and getting married are still there on the far horizon. he hadn't given them much thought until now, but he can see them happening with you.

he finds his words. "i will. it's just...i'm tired. i'm out there all the time, you know? always working. sometimes i feel like i work too hard to get people to really see me."

"you wish you didn't have such an active role sometimes?"

"yeah. i just want to take a break, but i can't. sometimes i feel nothing i ever do will be enough."

you don't say anything, simply rubbing his back. he feels better already, letting it out, because he knows what he's saying isn't really true — it's just that one part of him that keeps popping up from time to time.

"you know it's not true, right?" you ask when he shifts. "you've done so much you should be proud of yourself for. hell, i'm so proud of you every single day. and the fact that you're my boyfriend is possibly one of the best things that's ever happened to me. you've made me realize there's so many things i can improve about myself, and i can't thank you enough for that, kwannie. if your day's been bad you should know i'm always here for you, even if it's through a phone. i love you. always."

seungkwan nods. i love you, he means to say. thank you for everything. he presses a kiss to your neck, and then another, revelling in the warmth of your skin. you understand his silent words, like he hoped, pulling him closer. you rest like that till your stomach grumbles, which is when you push him away embarrassedly and sit up.

"let me plate dinner," seungkwan says, glad to find his voice is steady. he gets up, but you catch his hand before he leaves.

"i know you have work tomorrow, but when you're done, do you want to come to my place so we can spend the weekend together? we don't have to do anything. just...live. for two days. forget everything outside. maybe actually talk about moving in together."

he feels a smile come up. "i'd...really like that."

he knows it doesn't get easy in just a blink of an eye, but the weight on his shoulders is always less when he's with you.

[speakyskelly-1999]

keanu

keanu

keanu

eveyones favorite guy

look at him

he vibing

so my friends and i decided to watch all of (some of lets be real) keanu's filmogoraphy

and it's been a blast

basically one of my friends just really wanted to watchh all 4 matix's and i said i would if we went through all his films

i'm normal okay

i just really wanted an excuse to watch speed, my favorite keanu film

(okay the fact that i like know the timestamp that gif is taking from shows i'm very normal)

so any way

...

errr

fuck

ye

we've watched about half of them now

and like i could wait till we've finished all of them to talk about them#

but i won't

cos i won't remember all of them

so without further ado

keanu movies we've watched so far

(formatted like godzilla maybe)

(but not in watch order cos i don't rmember)

(fuck you)

(also i bet i can get a gif for each movie)

bill and ted's exellent adventures:

8/10 very funny, thought they'd have a third act break up but they didn't which was baised. will rewatch again. absolute classic. the nothing behind the eyes with ted was chef's kiss

point break:

oh, oh wow, oh that like ot intense, i wasn't expecting it to get that intence. damn okay. very good movie 8/10 won't be rewatching it any time soon, also johnny gets wet in the water of the sea

(keanu being called some varient of john, getting wet, and being depressed are come comon features of keanu's movies)

(the power point will make this clearer in the future)

bill and ted's bogus journey:

good sequal like 7/10 just cos the first is such a classic and a new idea but it was really well done. gotta love death

bram stoker's dracula:

omg he's depressed, gets wet and is called johnathen, tick. otherwise this films was garbage. he cannot do an enlish accent which was funny and actually enjoyable. keanu's proformence was the only enjoyable part of the movie. 1/10 i'd rather rewatch godzilla final wars and pocahuntus

(realising i havn't geven my disney reviews here it's fine all do that at some point

.... maybe)

Speed:

omg it's my favorite keanu movie. hehehe my friends trust my taste cos of like this movie and legally blonde. hehehe. 10/10 no note. i am bnot bias. okay but in all fairness it is really good and the script is really well thought out. don't watch speed 2 no keanu

johnny mnemonic:

god i could write a whole paragraph about this movie. from the short story written by the father of cyberpunk, to it's buched production, to the actual film, to the japanese cut which was more like what it was supose to be. aaaah. this movie is not good. it's vibes are impecable. ice-T is there. jones the cybernetic dolphin who was recrited by the military and was forcefully adicted to drugs to ensure his loyalty was the fucking highlight. random prest guy who is addicted to tech who is a hit man to fuel is addiction is funny. like critically this movie is a 2/10 but emotionally, but vibes wise, but on a purly primeveil basist, 10/10 movie. watch the japanese cut it makes more sense it's just on youtube

you're welcome

so imma just take a moment and say this, keanu reves movies are hard to find

like the only ones on streaming are johnny mnemonic on amazon prime, the day the earth stood still on disney and speed which is also on disney. oh and spone on the run which is on netflix. like non of the john wicks. only matirx 4 on netflix. it's wild. so shout out to cex and hmv for having the real goods

another side note i can spell mnemonic and cardasian fine and yet i have to quote aritha franklin to spell respect

anyway back to it

the matrix:

yea i should have believed my friends when they said this was the transes movie in existance. i see it. no straights here. only the gays. man this movie was a slay. genuinly no idea why i just haddn't seen it yet. 8/10

the matrix reloaded:

oooh, a ten miniet looney tunes agent smith fight scene. ooooh a 15 motorway fight scene. mmmmh okay. yea the action is fun but maaaaan the plot fucking stalls, 4/10

the matrix revolations:

omg is the plot moving again. omg yay. i really like this one which seems to be like an umpopular oppinion. i dunno. i liked it. i liked it's ending it worked. fuck you. 7/10

the day the earth stood still 2008:

omg, omg is that john ham yay. klaatu my main man was grat. got a jaden smith jumpscare and the girl from lybrinth jumpscare aswell. had a lot of fun. we also watched the 1951 version and personally i prefer that one but stilll thisnmovie was great. 7/10 climate change is a threat and we're the virus

john wick:

yea erm yea you shouldn't have killed that dog man. 8/10

john wick 2:

okay but like it was a slay that she killed herself, real power move. also winston is a real g. 7/10 great pasing

bill and ted face the music:

omg. omg they have louis armstong. omg omg omg. jimi hendrix. motzard. KID CUDI! AAAAH THIS MOVIE WAS MADE FOR ME. also has the girl from I Saw The TV Glow which my friend loved. 7/10 again not as good as the classic but holy shit was this line up of hiistorical people for me

the matric resurrection:

neil partick harris i'll kill you. how do you keep ending up in things i watch. i sware i'll end up watching your entrire filmography by watching other peoples. stop it. you haunt me. i liked this movie a lot. like it deffo helps watching the matrix series almost back to back. good stuff, and all the recasting and stuff was the right call i think. this and face the music have like the same weird vibe to them that i weirdly like. oh and keanu is depressed and get wet. also i love the fact that trinity just punches neil patrick harris mutiple time. i'm not biased and idk why you'd think that :) 6/10

and thats all the keanu films i've watched so far

not gonna lie was wondering about half way though how long a tumblr post can be hehehe

i shall be back once i've watched the remaineding films

and then the power point hehehe

[sege-h]

Thoughts on the State of Play reveal

Under a readmore just in case

1- I know I said I'd keep the Son*dow tag blocked for a bit after Prime ended but I think I'll keep it blocked till the end of the year now lmao

2- I know the rumor has been going around since yesterday but I took it with a grain of salt since it's. Yknow. A rumor. But even when I let myself think 'what if its real tho' this is SO FAR FROM WHAT I EXPECTED. A!!! I thought at most we'd get is a remaster that'd also make Shadow playable! As soon as I saw the new level I was like WAIT WHAT. WAIT WHAT!!?!? and it just kept going from there!!!

I'm so happy we'll be getting a HD biolizard fight! He'll no longer be contained to the 3DS! Also from what little we saw Shadow will get to have some dynamic posing in the boss fights, like Super Sonic did in Frontiers. Good! I loved those!

3- Ian Flynn has #KnowingSmile'd the announcement and I'm hoping this means he got to write for whatever new content there is.

And speaking of Frontiers! I'm hoping that this ends up being Shadow's 'Frontiers' moment. In that his writing and character get what Amy's, Tails', and Knuckles' did in Frontiers.

4-I had the stream off to the side in another tab since I wasn't interested in most of what was shown. And then I heard the first few notes of the Generations music and i immediately switched tabs and I just!!! Feel like I did in 2011 except my computer/internet is way better, and you tube is shittier!

5- I'm excited for this for such Me reasons. For those new here- I live in a country that had no Sonic stuff for...well, never, really. Not until about 2022. The second movie did what I'd hoped the first movie would do (but then the pandemic happened) and brought over Sonic stuff here. For the first time in my life I went to a toy store here and it had Sonic stuff. I got to buy physical Sonic comics for the first time. For the first time in my life I can go to a video game store and actually see Sonic games there. It's been wild

That being said, 2011 had Nothing. Sonic Generations came out. And I didn't want to pirate it because a friend of mine had worked on it. I was determined to find it. And I only saw it irl one time- for the Playstation. A console I've never had. It was pretty upsetting! I remember posting about it here even....I've been on tumblr too long SHDGSHDHS

Later I'd find that there was a 3DS version. I have that! So I looked for that version of it alongside the PC one

So, for almost a decade, I looked, to no avail. And for this whole time I refused to look at any playthroughs! Any knowledge I had on whats in the game came from the trailers we saw

And then in 2019 my best friend helped me buy the 3DS version. I had 9 dollars on my 3DS and whenever the game went on sale it'd be on for 10 dollars. So he gave me a dollar and helped me get it SHDGSHDH

So I finally experienced Generations! It was surprise after surprise in that one, because I knew it was different but I didn't know how. I didn't expect a Rush level in it, or for the Biolizard to be in there!

And then in late 2020 when I got my new computer and could finally get steam, another close friend got me Generations for the PC! I'd somehow managed to dodge spoilers on it all those years so all I knew about it was: Theres Green Hill, Chemical Plant, City Escape, and a Silver boss fight.

I got to play modern City Escape for myself- which is the level that inspired the current iteration of my main OC, Storm. It was a joy

All this rambling to say...it's wild to think that once this remaster comes out, I'll be able to get it day 1, at least I hope I will. Still-it won't take me almost a decade to get to it

And if there's a physical release? I'll be able to go to a store here- HERE, not in one of our neighboring countries, not from somewhere else, but in a store here. Right across the street. And I'll finally have a physical copy of Generations. That was my final goal with the game-- I love it, I have two versions of it! And the plan was always that even though I'd gotten to play them now, if I ever ran into a physical copy of the game, I'd buy it. And now I'll really get to do it

6- Bonus thought of me being silly: Wowow my OC was shown at the State of Play--

[evilblot]

Tagged Summoned by @fullmoondagger, thanks king!

Last song: Relax by Frankie goes to Hollywood. Another song that's been forever ruined by a movie I recently watched and now activates a pavlovian response everytime I hear it (<- starts foaming at the mouth but at least they don't want to kill the president of Malaysia. Yet.)

Fave color: FUCKIGN PURPLE BABYYYYYYYY

Currently watching: The entirety of Will Ferrell's filmography. All of it. I can feel my brain atrophying and shrivel with each one I manage to finish (with a few exceptions), but trust me: this suffering is not for nothing. I have a plan (<- the brain rot wrote this)

Last movie/TV show: Bewitched. The.. the 2005 version. It was cute I guess. It definitely didn't fill my brain with ideas about doing a themed AU but with werewolves or similar beasts ahahaha..!

Currently reading: Nothing, unfortunately. I got some titles I'd like to get back to now that I've got a little more time, but I still need to find the mental capacity to sit down and actually read :')

Sweet/Savoury/Spicy: All of them! Combined, possibly. Like hot honey-glazed spare ribs.... Hrrmrmm.. Dammit, I'm salivating like a starving dog now, help dhjshsjs

Relationship status: People say I'm a self-insert Mary Sue slut... but the truth is, I have fifty BILLION boyfriends. And they all love me. And you're just mad that I'm having WAY more FUCKING FUN than you EVER WILL. You know, what's your damage? Maybe you should try having fifty BILLION boyfriends too, because then you might not be such a salty, jealous bitch. I'm just sayin.

Current obsession: Do I... Do I even have to say it? Take a look around and take a wild guess. The hints are there I prommy fjsbxjdls BUT!!!! I'm also going back to being obsessed with 3D sculpting since I'll be soon finally able to carry out the insane ideas I got... SOON!!!!! *cackling like a mad man*

Last thing you googled: How to stream movies on discord. And once I figure it out, we're gonna watch the Barbie movie. Together <3c

Tagging @taonpest @smimon @dansdaughter @monochromatictoad @hedjblogr @amazinlei (no pressure guys, ignore it if y'all ain't in the mood, I just wanted to let y'all know ily <3)

[misireads]

What Kind of Mother by Clay McLeod Chapman

[ audiobook, listened in english ]

a woman returns to her hometown after becoming estranged from her teenage daughter, to work as a palm reader and live at a motel. she reunites with a highschool boyfriend who has become a sombre man who's been grieving the disappearance of his baby son and the subsequent suicide of his wife for the past six years. the woman agrees to help him look for his missing son and their relationship is re-kindled although he seems kind of weird. for a while, she entertains all sorts of paranoid ideas of whether the missing boy is even alive anymore, that perhaps his mother or even his father killed him, and is thoroughly surprised when one day the boy simply appears as if he was never missing in the first place. she soon realises there's something deeply fucked up about the boy, though.

➕ the main reason i kept reading, other than the sunk cost fallacy of "well i only have 5 hours left so could as well finish. only 3 hours left. just one hour jfc i can do this", was that there's uh…. aquatic?? horror? in here that was pretty entertaining to me. some goodreads reviews called it southern salt-water gothic. i like water-related horror and have no explanation why

➕ i'd say it's a plus that this is short but i've never listened to a book this short that felt so fucking long

➖ what a bunch of crazy ass nonsense. i went in thinking this would be a mystery about the missing boy but he appears like half way through. this book has no plot, there's no real story structure, no real mystery to solve. random things just happen. the PoV is mostly the woman but jumps to the man a couple times and both ramble on and on about the most pointless shit. nothing much happens here, the actual events probably took about an hour of this 8-hour book and the rest is the two main characters being fucking delirious, it was very hard to follow at times. i also have zero interest in or drive towards parental love-themed stories so there's that

➖ this reads like the script of a B movie. the "horror" was rather silly, and the body horror is rendered completely pointless by the main character being so unfazed by any of it. and i did pick this up for having been on a list of recommended horror… yeaaaah.

➖ i'm just gonna spoil shit because i don't care, this isn't a good book so you shouldn't read it anyway: so this woman has a daughter, feels sad that she's chosen to live with her father, is happy that she can meet her once a week or something at least. then some eldritch horror creature pretending to be a child she first heard about approximately 2 days ago appears and she's like omg!! must protecc!! at all costs!!! and the monster child attacks her real daughter and tries to like, bite her head off, and the mother is like: aww :( don't do that :( i love u :( sweet child!! and takes the boy and. leaves. and uuhh. yeah alright. so that's how many shits she gave about her daughter actually??? i truly don't understand what this story is trying to say. and what the fuck is a "peeler"???? it doesn't mean anythiiiingggg

➖ every time i thought, okay. this is approaching the end, there can't possibly be anything else to tell in this story, we're done. it continues. and continues. and nonsense shit happens. and happens. and happens. the crab child is eating something weird again, ok cool. the crab child is being all kinda weird and strange again ooooo oooo ok cool. are we done now? no? no we're gonna keep talking about crabs coming out of his ass for another hour? mm okay i see. dear god. i think 90% of this was the author's unauthorised stream of consciousness

➖ thhhee mmmaaaallle nnaarraatoooorr oooff thhhee auudiiiooboookkkk haaasss thhheee slooowweest drAAAWLLLlll iiiiive eveeeer hheeaaardddd. still slurring at 2x speed. which by the way, didn't make this book go by any faster

⭐ score: 2-

[kylesvariouslistsandstuff]

Lots of scuttlebutt on WISH's early critical reception. What's it at on that... Errr... Moldy Potatoes website? A little above Moldy?

Whatever.

Rotten Tomatoes, one must realize, is merely an aggregate. Should WISH land somewhere in the low-to-high 60s, it simply means that that's the percentage of critics that gave the picture a passing grade. A movie could have a 100% on there, and all the reviews would be at B-... It really doesn't mean anything.

And chances are, you might be part of the lower percentage that actually likes the picture... And this applies to everything, not just WISH. It's why I wince at all these anti-critics screeds, all this harping on critics as being these snobs who look down on us, when that really isn't the case. You do get some real doozies every now and then, but that's more of a reflection of the individual critic than the world of film criticism as a whole. Like that putz who whined that THE MARVELS was a movie made for tween girls.

Anyways, I'm indifferent on WISH for the most part. I will see it soon, all I hope is that I get something entertaining out of it. That it'll have at least one thing I'll take home with me after seeing it. If I don't like it, no big deal, I'll just wait and see what the next WDAS movie is. They count 62 films as part of their little "canon", obviously not every single one is going to work for a person.

And maybe all that centennial stuff and "a story a CENTURY in the making" fluff was all so silly in the end, because a big tribute and tons of Easter eggs to all Disney classics made over the course of DECADES in one movie does not equal a movie everyone will love... It does not equal the "ultimate Disney film", because there's an "ultimate Disney film" for everyone. For me, it's probably FANTASIA, but that depends on my mood. On another day I say, "Nah, it's actually DUMBO" or I'll be like "You know what? PINOCCHIO. Just, near-perfect."

But this movie will likely mean something to some random 8-year-old out there, and that's pretty cool honestly.

One of the lowest-percentage Disney animated movies on Rotten is 2003's BROTHER BEAR. Below the 40s. That's very, very low. Near-tied with CHICKEN LITTLE. At age 11-12, I was *all over* that film... And then went through a phase where I agreed with everyone that it was an extremely flawed Disney animated effort... Now I'm like, "There's a lot of stuff I love in this movie, and that's all that matters." If I find gold nuggets in a mud puddle, I'm satisfied.

For me, if I'm not really into WISH, it'll just be another movie that I saw. I own - on physical media, look at me go! - all the WDAS films made from 2007 (MEET THE ROBINSONS) to now, so... That's impressive. I can't tell Jennifer Lee or WDAS filmmakers what to do, really. There might be things I'd personally love to see come from their recent movies, but I don't want to act all entitled. To me, the studio has become a "legacy" brand of sorts, and that their movies are really being made for the families that streamed ENCANTO, MOANA, and the FROZEN movies a gazillion times. I hear they test screen these movies for little kids and hold back on bite, which I'm not really a fan of, myself... But clearly it's working for someone! I'll just look elsewhere. But even then, I still find things of merit in films like STRANGE WORLD and ENCANTO and RAYA, so that's nice!

Like, where does FROZEN stand right now on Rotten Tomatoes? What's the percentage of critic that gave that film a good grade?

It has a 90%...

Fun fact about me: I'm really not all that big of a fan of FROZEN. I must have a cold, cold heart in needed of melting.

And I lived the FROZEN fever of 2014. How it was touted as the greatest Disney film ever! The most progressive! That it took everything about the studio's past fairy tale adaptations and turned them all on their heads! How it was just the ultimate Disney film!

I didn't think so. And this was back when it came out, not after the hype gave way to backlash. I don't think it's a bad film, nowhere near.

I just thought that it was alright, it has some standout stuff in it and some great songs. I always liked TANGLED, WRECK-IT RALPH, and BIG HERO 6 more, myself. Heck, I like the much-contested FROZEN II more than FROZEN! Basically, the critical response doesn't matter to me in the long run. I always like to listen to what people have to say about movies, even if it's in contrast to how I feel! So long as it's well-founded and backed by something valid. And not half of the uninformed, reductionist hyperbole that was showered on FROZEN.

So... Yeah... I may love WISH, I may outright despise it. I may like it or dislike it. Not an animated film, but a recent film I saw that had pretty good critical reception, over 80 on Rotten, and did excellently at the box office... That I personally borderline HATED... Was SMILE. But I'm one person, and lots of other folks dug that movie, sooooo... Again, the scores and the overall reception/consensus is meaningless to me. It's often meaningless to audiences, too. THE SUPER MARIO BROS. MOVIE got very mixed reviews all across the board, but it made a killing at the box office. ELEMENTAL's generally positive reception and passing reviews couldn't stop it from having the best legs for a Pixar film since TOY STORY... Yep, since TOY STORY. CARS, long thought to be a Pixar dud, seems to be rehabilitated as a bona fide classic of the studio's early lineup. I always loved it, myself.

Anyways, yeah. All meaningless. I'll be seeing it as soon as I can. Ditto TROLLS BAND TOGETHER, and all three of those movies don't have the best scores, either.

[nverdied]

dw you don’t have to see the movie to know about jack, he’s basically my oc anyway.

[blacksun-judar]

Relationship headcanons with Haruchiyo Sanzu ❀

rating/warnings: second part is nsfw! mdni. mentions of knife and gun play, choking, degradation, dacryphilia, overstim and other mature themes.

notes: english is not my first language, so I apologize for any and all mistakes. I'd let this man do unspeakable things to me.

masterlist

• oh honey, what were you thinking?

• no really, you’re in for a ride.

• this man is unhinged in the best and worst ways imaginable and you’re his number one prey.

• i pin sanzu as someone for whom the concept of personal space simply doesn’t exist. he loves to touch you, not necessarily in a sexual way. but feeling your warmth grounds him and provides a sense of security. • all those drugs really mess with his head, so memory issues and mood swings are a given.

• he keeps track of important dates by writing sticky notes or setting reminders on his phone.

• doesn’t want to lash out at you but if he’s had an especially rough week even the smallest of things can tick him off. won’t harm you physically but by god this man has a foul mouth.

• i only really see sanzu working out with someone who accepts him for who he is. you may suggest he tone down the drugs or work a little less but don’t expect him to quit either. • he is a workaholic par excellence, so please understand if he has to prioritize bonten at times. • it’s not that he doesn’t want to spend time with you, quite the opposite actually. but living life as a criminal, there’s just things he can’t forsee.

• if you make him choose between yourself and bonten, he’ll 1000% go with the latter. • firstly, quitting bonten not only meant certain death for himself but it also put you at high risk of being hurt. secondly, if you truly loved him, you wouldn’t force such a decision on him.

• I mentioned this in another post but sanzu is a surprisingly good cook. he sucks at anything else domestic but preparing a dinner for you at least once a week is his way of making up for all those nights he couldn’t spend with you.

• despite what he seems, this man has a really gentle and playful side that only you really get to see.

• cute date nights at home playing video games or watching movies.

• sometimes he’ll even have you paint his nails or do his hair.

• likes going out for drinks and flaunting you around. if there’s people checking you out it fills him with a weird sense of pride. though they’d better not stare for too long.

• loves watching you do just about anything. you could be sitting at your desk reading a book or doing laundry and he’s completely enamoured.

• really into matching couple outfits.

NSFW

• freak. absolute freak.

• name any kink and there’s a 99,9999% chance he’s into it.

• definitely leans more towards dom but by god does he make for a good bratty sub too.

• likes it messy. like really, really messy. • if you’re a squirter. he’ll make sure to soak the sheets with your juices and won’t stop until you’re a trembling mess

• knife and gun play!!! you know he’d never actually pull the trigger but that small glint of fear makes him so hard. if you let him, he’d carve his initals into your pretty skin. and of course he’d be happy to have you return the favour.

• please tease him. a lot. sanzu likes a challenge and he doesn’t want you to just lie there lifelessly.

• let him know you’re just as into it as he is. tug his hair, scratch his back, bite his lip, anything.

• sometimes wears a cockring to keep him from cumming so soon.

• very high libido. doesn’t always act on his urges but he’s ready to go whenever you are.

• sanzu enjoys giving head as much as receiving. • definitely a head pusher because how could he help himself when your pretty lips feel so heavenly around his cock. you’re just so good that he barely lets you get a breath in. • sometimes he’ll tie your hands to the headboard and fuck your throat until there’s tears streaming down your face.

• again, loves the mess.

• if you’re on top, overstim him. he swears he can take it.

• very vocal and will degrade you to hell and back. nothing but filth leaves this man’s mouth and he absolutely needs to hear you beg for him. • one of these days your pretty little moans will be the death of him.

• definitely into choking. Because nothing beats the way your gummy walls tighten impossibly harder around his cock whenever his fingers are wrapped around your neck.

• surprisingly gentle after sex. whispers sweet nothings into your ear and loves taking a bath together.

[the-bau-quinjet]

You're an Idiot

Summary: Bucky panics when he thinks Y/N is catching on to his surprise.

Warnings: angst, mostly fluff

Word Count: 3531

a/n: This request is honestly so cute. It just makes me smile. :)

Masterlist

"Did you get it yet?" Steve skipped all formalities upon entering Bucky's room.

Bucky's head snapped up from the book he was reading, eyes immediately going to the closing door to make sure nobody was in the hall.

"Well? Did you?" Steve pestered, eager to share in his friends happiness.

"I did." Bucky sighed, knowing there was no keeping this from Steve.

"Let me see it!" There are no words to explain how excited Steve is for his best friend. When he first got Bucky back, a part of him was worried he would never recover from the pain and guilt.

That is, until Bucky met you. It wasn't an instantaneous change, but meeting you definitely affected Bucky.

He was more willing to spend time with the team. He was more likely be found in a common area instead of his own bedroom. Hell, he even smiled more.

Bucky carefully pulled out the drawer of his nightstand, retrieving a dark green velvet box. He opened it, his own eyes taking in the beauty of the ring before he turned it around to show Steve.

"Buck... She's going to love it." Steve smiled, eyes watering slightly. He's always been a romantic. "Have you decided how you're going to ask her?"

Bucky shook his head, quickly returning the box to its place in the drawer. He ran a hand through his hair, a physical manifestation of his nerves.

"I don't know. I have so many ideas, but none of them seem perfect." Bucky chanced a look at Steve, rolling his eyes at his friends exasperated look.

"Bucky. She'll think it's perfect because it's you. Trust me." Steve encouraged him, knowing he needed a bit of reassurance.

"Are you sure?" His recurring self doubt as beginning to peek through.

"Sure about what?" You popped into the room, never one to knock when it came to Bucky. Similarly, he never needed to knock to know he was welcome in your room.

"Just that Bucky deserves to be happy." Steve avoided Bucky's glare as he moved to exit that room.

"Well, that I can agree to!" You plopped down across his lap throwing your arms around his neck. You felt a familiar shiver as he moved his hands, one to your back and the other over your thigh.

"Well, it's a good thing I have you." Bucky pressed a quick kiss to your lips, waving at Steve as he closed the door.

"You make me happy too." You responded in kind, leaning into his embrace.

-

"So?" Steve questioned.

"Not yet." Bucky sighed, still unsure of the perfect way to propose to you.

"Buck. You've had it for 2 weeks! Just ask her!" Steve whisper yelled since the two were in the kitchen. Unfortunately, nosy ears still caught the conversation.

"Ask who, what?" Sam eagerly inserted himself into the conversation.

Bucky and Steve shared a look, only giving Sam a better idea as to what was going on.

"Oh my god. Oh my god! You're going to ask Y/N-"

"Ask me what?" You cut Sam off as you entered the kitchen, heading for the fridge.

"To train with me!" Sam quickly threw out an excuse.

"Okay? We train together all the time..." You looked between the three men confusion evident in the furrow of your brow.

"Well, yeah. But you've never flown before." Sam tried to further explain the lie, earning an excited smile from you and a glare from the two super soldiers.

"Seriously! Sam you swore you'd never let me fly your suit. What changed?" You narrowed your eyes, suspicious of the three men.

"Yeah, well Barnes practically begged me. He wanted to surprise you, but I guess I ruined that. My bad!" He replied, swiftly exiting the kitchen before you could further question him.

"Bucky, that is so sweet! Thank you so much! You know how much I want to fly that suit!" You ran to him, throwing your arms around him in a bear hug.

"Anything for you, doll. Anything for you."

-

"I think he's going to propose." You laid it all out on the line during girl's night. Three margaritas in, and you couldn't keep the thoughts to yourself anymore. It didn't matter how embarrassing it would be if you were wrong. Not when the tequila was doing the talking.

"Oh my god!" Wanda squealed, just as excited as you.

"Wow." Nat smirked, containing her happiness much better.

"I know! I'm just not sure when." You bit your lip, fidgeting a bit.

"Well, what do you know?" Nat asked for details.

"He was talking to Steve about something when I walked in and Steve said he deserves to be happy. Then, this morning Sam was freaking out about a question he was going to ask me. I mean, he covered it with something about letting me fly his suit, but still. I just have a feeling." You couldn't stop the smile from spreading across your face.

"Okay. He's probably just nervous then." Nat replied easily.

"Just drop some subtle hints that you would say yes. Maybe he just needs some reassurance!" Wanda grinned over the glass of her own margarita.

"Okay. Subtle hints. I can do that." You nodded to yourself, thoughts spinning with ways to let Bucky know you would say yes.

-

"I've got it." Bucky rushed into Steve's room, a wide smile on his face.

"You do?" Steve jumped from his desk, excitement overflowing.

Bucky vigorously nodded before explaining his plan.

"Two more weeks?!" Steve was dying for Bucky to just ask you, but if his plan had to wait two more weeks, so be it.

"Yes. It's perfect. She'll be so surprised!" You and Bucky had briefly talked about marriage before, but nothing in detail. Just enough that he knows you want to get married.

"I'm happy for you, bud. You really do deserve this." Steve patted him on the back, as he went through the plan one more time.

-

"Bucky?" You had been looking for him all over the compound before finally checking the living room.

He paused the film, turning all his attention to you. He smiled in greeting, gesturing for you to join him on the couch.

"What do you need?" His brows pinched together in concern, earning a sweet smile from you.

"I just wanted to ask what color you think I should paint my nails!" You showed him the various bottles you were carrying.

"Oh." His pinched brows now showcased his confusion. "Um, okay. Any particular reason why?"

"Not really. I'm thinking of getting a new ring soon, and I want my nails to look good when I take pictures of it!" You tried to sound nonchalant, but your heart was racing. Was this subtle enough?

Bucky's own heart picked up speed at the idea of you finding out before the surprise he had planned.

"Oh, that's nice. I'd go with the yellow. It's happy." He turned his attention back to the movie, trying to cut the conversation short.

"Okay, thank you!" You pressed a kiss to his cheek before leaving the room. Clearly you needed a better plan.

-

"Hi, Doll." Bucky greeted you as he entered the kitchen. "What are you making?"

"Italian Wedding Soup!" You exclaimed, excited to try another hint. "Don't you just love weddings?"

Bucky nearly choked on his water. "Um, yep. Yeah, wedding's are great. I've, uh, got to meet Steve for training! I'll see you later!" he nearly ran out of the room.

"Well, that didn't go well." You muttered to yourself, now angry at the soup.

-

"Bucky, can I ask you something?" He had been practically avoiding you for the last two days, ever since the soup incident.

"Of course." He met your eye, the nervous tone of your voice causing his heart to ache.

"Do you ever think about getting married?" You decided to just bite the bullet and ask him what you've been wondering for the last few days.

"Nope." He panicked. 100% panicked. "I don't believe in marriage."

His nerves caused him to miss the way your shoulders dropped.

"Oh."

"Yep. It's not for me. Just can't picture it." His head was screaming for him to stop talking, but he just kept rambling.

"Well, okay. I was, um, just wondering. Ya know. Wanda was talking about it the other day, so I was curious what you thought." You tried to cover your sadness, at least until you could get out of the room. "I'm actually going to grab lunch with Wanda now, so I'll see you later. Bye!"

You quickly ran out of the room, leaving Bucky to contemplate what the hell just happened.

-

"I was so wrong." You burst into tears the minute you entered Wanda's room.

"Honey! About what?" She pulled you across the room to her bed, wrapping an arm around your shoulder.

"Bucky!" You cried harder as you said his name.

"What about him?" Wanda floundered, unused to seeing you so distraught.

"He doesn't want to propose! He doesn't believe in marriage." Your heart broke even further as you said the words out loud.

"What?!" Wanda's eyes were wide. Her mind went blank at the shock of hearing why you were so upset.

Suddenly the door swung open, Nat entering before quickly closing it again.

"I could hear her crying from down the hall. What happened?" Her own voice was laced with concern as she quickly moved to comfort you from the opposite side of Wanda.

"Bucky doesn't want to marry me!" You cried into your hands. "How could I have been so stupid?"

"Y/N, Bucky is crazy about you." Nat, ever the voice of reason, tried to calm you down.

"I know he loves me, but he doesn't wanna marry me." Your cries were calming down, silent tears streaming down your face as you hiccuped every so often.

"How do you know he doesn't want to marry you?" She questioned further, trying to get to the bottom of this. Nat knew, with 100% certainty, that he was planning to propose. She's seen the ring, even if nobody knows that she's seen it.

"I asked him if he ever thought about getting married..." You took a shaky breath, trying not to sob again. "And he said 'Nope. I don't believe in marriage.'"

Wanda and Nat made eye contact, each expressing their confusion over the words.

"Oh, honey. It's okay. Cry it out." Wanda let you lean into her and cry.

"I just, I feel so stupid." You sighed once more.

Marriage was never something you thought about until you met Bucky. Well, maybe when you were little, but who doesn't?

Ever since you discovered what it meant to be independent, you knew you didn't need to get married to live a fulfilling life. It wasn't something you deemed necessary.

At least, not before Bucky.

There's just something about how much you love him that makes you want to announce it to the world in front of your closest friends and family. You want to share that moment with him, where you express how completely devoted to each other you are.

Finding out Bucky doesn't want the same thing hurt.

"Y/N. You are absolutely not stupid. You love him, it only makes sense that you would think about a wedding." Wanda tried to console you as Nat put the pieces together in her head.

She knew Bucky must have a surprise proposal planned. He must've panicked when you asked him about getting married. Why he would panic that much is unknown to her, but still. That's the only explanation that makes sense. Of course, she couldn't tell you that.

"Bucky's an idiot if he doesn't want to marry you." She settled for blindly supporting your emotions instead.

"It's not me is it?" Your eyes went wide with fear.

"No, of course not!" Nat panicked. "You two are perfect together."

"Not perfect enough for him to want to marry me." You cried into Wanda's shoulder again.

Nat shook her head, silently pleading for Wanda to take over consoling you.

-

"Steve. I fucked up." Bucky couldn't stop replaying the look on your face when he said he doesn't believe in marriage. "And before you say anything about my language, there's no other word for how badly I just fucked up."

Steve eyed his friend with concern. "What did you do?"

"Well, Y/N, she's been hinting at wanting me to propose." He stalled briefly, not really wanting to admit it.

"That's a good thing. It means the two of you are on the same page." Steve tried to reassure him, blissfully unaware of what happened.

"I know. But, she flat out asked me if I ever think about getting married... and I panicked." Bucky refused to look Steve in the eye, opting instead to pace the room.

"Panicked how?" Steve's voice was hard. He always thought of you like a little sister, and if Bucky hurt you he would be livid.

"I told her... I told her I don't believe in marriage." Bucky mumbled under his breath, but Steve could still make out the words with his enhanced hearing.

"YOU DID WHAT?" His eyes went wide, mind stuttering with shock. All he could do was yell. "What the hell is wrong with you? Why on earth would you say that? Y/N must be so heartbroken right now! You know that she wants to marry you, and what do you do? Tell her you don't. You've really outdone yourself with the stupid this time, pal-"

"Steve! I know! I didn't mean it! I just didn't want to ruin the surprise. It's supposed to be this Friday!" Bucky tried defending himself, but he knew it was futile.

"Well, you can still do what you were planning... right?" Steve questioned, unsure if you would agree to the date.

"I hope so." Bucky nervously chewed his lip, trying to come up with a back up plan.

-

You were avoiding him. Everytime he tried to talk to you about going on a date on Friday, you somehow evaded the conversation entirely.

If you weren't on your way to training, you had plans with Nat or Wanda. If it wasn't plans with them, you absolutely had to finish a mission report. You always had an escape route, and it killed him that you felt like you needed to hide from him.

Bucky finally managed to corner you in the gym Thursday morning.

"Y/N!" He nearly screamed from the other side of the gym.

You took a deep breath, trying to ready yourself for the conversation.

"Hi Bucky." You greeted him with a small kiss.

It was time. You needed to talk to him. If he didn't want to get married, that had to be okay with you. You'd rather live your life with him as your boyfriend forever than not have him at all.

He seemed stunned by your greeting, having grown used to you trying to escape the second he entered a room.

"Hi..." He suddenly got quiet, not wanting to spook you.

"Um, what are you doing tomorrow?" He hasn't felt this awkward asking you on a date since the first time he asked you to get dinner with him.

"Nothing, I think." You were feeling just as awkward as Bucky.

"Perfect. I've got a surprise for you." He pulled you into a hug, feeling a sense of calm just from holding you.

"Oh, really?" You would have thought a proposal would be the surprise, but because of your last conversation you're left clueless.

"Yep." Bucky relaxed for the first time in days at the sight of your smile. "I'm taking you to dinner. You deserve it."

You couldn't stop the way your heart fluttered at seeing his cheeky smile. I can live my life like this. You thought to yourself.

"Ooh. Okay, well what should I wear?" You were already thinking over outfit options.

"Whatever you want. Something comfortable though." He was honestly nervous you would say no, so this is more progress than he expected.

"How mysterious. Okay, I've got to go. I'm supposed to meet Nat and Wanda. I love you." You kissed him quickly before leaving the gym.

-

"Ugh. I haven't been this nervous for a date with Bucky since... well since ever! I wasn't even this nervous the first time." You whined to Nat and Wanda. It felt like you had gone through every outfit in your closet and you still haven't found something to wear.

"Y/N, relax." Wanda picked out clothes for you, handing you one of your favorite cute and comfy outfits. "Wear this."

"The two of you love each other. That's all you need to think about right now." Nat reassured you as you changed for the fifteenth time.

"Exactly. Just go enjoy your date." Wanda encouraged you as well.

"What did I do to deserve the two of you." You pulled them into a group hug, laughing when they pushed you out the door.

You were still smiling when you ran into Bucky in the hallway.

"Oh. I was just coming to find you!" You kissed him quickly. "I wasn't sure what time you wanted to leave."

"That's what I was coming to find you for. I'm ready when you are, doll."

"Well, then. Let's go." You grinned when Bucky took your hand, leading you out of the compound and down to the lake.

He brought you right up to a picnic blanket that was already setup on the dock.

"I thought we could picnic tonight." He looked at you with a shy expression.

"Bucky, that's perfect. There's actually supposed to be a-"

"A meteor shower tonight." He finished for you. "That's actually why I planned a picnic."

The feelings of doubt and heartache that had been plaguing your mind for the last few days all but vanished in the blink of an eye.

"I love you so much." You leaned into his touch, sitting next to him while he pulled food from the picnic basket.

"I love you too." He pressed a soft kiss to your forehead, handing you various foods.

The two of you fell back into natural conversation throughout the night. Any lingering nervousness left you, although Bucky kept fidgeting throughout the night.

It wasn't until after dessert that anything out of the ordinary happened.

"The meteor shower is supposed to start in a few minutes, do you want to go sit at the end of the dock?" Bucky stood, his hand out for you to grab.

You pulled yourself up, not letting go of Bucky's hand as you walked the short distance to the end of the pier. Just as you took the last step, you could see a few meteors shoot across the sky.

"It's beautiful." you gazed up at the stars, missing the deep breath Bucky took before sinking to one knee.

"Y/N, I think I fell in love with you the moment I met you. I didn't know it at the time, but I felt it. Every minute I've spent with you since then has been a gift."

The expression on your face could only be described as a mixture of shock, awe, love, and annoyance.

"When I was young, I used to think about who I would marry. I never thought of someone as incredible as you. After everything that happened, I didn't think I'd ever be worthy of someone's love. I still don't know how I convinced you to fall in love with me, but I'm grateful everyday that you did. There is nothing that would make me happier than spending the rest of my life as your husband."

He took a deep breath, looking right into your eyes as he asked the question.

"Will you marry me?"

"I- Yes. Of course I will marry you." You didn't even realize you were crying until Bucky wiped a tear from your cheek.

"I love you so much." He whispered as he slipped the ring on your finger.

"I love you too." You kissed him as soon as he stood up. Immediately stepping back to hit him.

"What was that for?" He looked affronted.

"'I don't believe in marriage.'" You mocked the deep timber of his voice.

Bucky laughed, pulling you closer to him. "I'm sorry." He pressed your foreheads together. "I really panicked when I thought you were going to ruin the surprise."

"You're such an idiot." You laughed. The two of you were all smiles as you held each other.

"Trust me, Steve let me know just how much of an idiot I am." Bucky shook his head. "He'll just be glad I've finally done it."

"Finally? How long have you had the ring?" You smiled as you glanced between your left hand and Bucky's face.

"A month. Not too long really. I think he was more annoyed with how long it took me to get the ring." He smiled, looking into your eyes.

"We've only been dating for 2 years. I wouldn't say that's abnormally long." Your brows furrowed.

"That is correct..."

"But?" You encouraged.

"But I told him I wanted to marry you the second we finished our first date."

permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner @jesuswasnotawhiteman @madewithsebstan

[anychairinthisplace]

okay -- my unnecessarily long and uninteresting answer! (i'm physically incapable of being concise ever!)

I watched Breaking Bad...I think soon after it finished airing? It was just A Show That I'd Heard Was Pretty Good (from nebulous unremembered sources). I don't remember but I assume I just binged the whole thing off mildly sketchy streaming sites? And I think I enjoyed it well enough (although tbh I barely remember any of the show now🙈), I liked Jesse and Skyler and was relieved that things worked out okay-ish for them in the end, but I wasn't obsessive or fandom-seeking about the show. (Probably because of some combo of (a) hating Walt with a passion, and I can't care much about shows where I despise the main protag(s); and (b) there not being any romantic relationship that I was super invested in -- I've always always always been shipper trash, so.🤷‍♀️)

At some point later I heard about the existence of BCS (I can't remember when or how, possibly it was from certain friends whose media tastes mostly don't match mine), but I'll be honest, BrBa Saul was just...not someone I was interested in seeing more of, so I didn't bother to check it out.

(I've never rewatched BrBa since that first time, and I'm honestly not looking forward to doing so -- although I will at some point -- because I already know it's gonna be torturous seeing my beloved Jimbo as that hollowed-out flattened shell/mask/coping mechanism, just the thought of him without Kim for all those years depresses and saddens me so much and how much worse to actually watch it for four seasons, and I know I'm gonna spend the whole time alternating between "jesus Jimmy wtf are you doing stop that >:c" and "Ohh, Jimmy... :(((")

What finally got me into Better Call Saul was actually the posts of jaimetheexplorer, who wrote *the* most insightful Jaime/Brienne meta back in the day. It made such an impression that even after that show ended and she pretty much stopped posting, I periodically checked back on her tumblr just in case, and when I did the most recent time, she had a bunch of stuff about BCS, from last year when s6 was airing and just after. I mostly skimmed past it, meta and gifs of a show I'd never seen, but it stuck with me on some level? There were some J/B and Mcwexler parallels posts she made? And some of, like, the visuals stayed in my head? (One I know for sure was the shared smoke scene from Uno because I remember watching the first time and as the camera started to zoom out to reveal more of the garage I recognized it and perked up immediately, all "omg, it's Kim!" even before I knew anything about her lmao.)

Anyway, it got my interest piqued enough that I suggested it to my partner as a show we could watch -- we watch tv/movies every day along with meals -- and we did, starting literally just this January lol.

We watched in the standard way for us: with an hour-long show, it's an episode a day, half-ish at lunch and the rest at dinner, with a few days break to watch a movie after each season (including after 6a)...except that I also had to take breaks after both Point and Shoot *and* Fun and Games because it was all too stressful and I'd spoiled myself for a lot of stuff that was coming (even as I tried not to) because I couldn't stop myself from getting on tumblr about this fucking show when I became irrevocably gone on it after Switch. (My shipper heart, yo.) (And not to say that I didn't love s1! I did! And not that I didn't already ship it, because I also did and was insanely intrigued by all the delightful hints and what we saw of them there. But s2 started and it was like, "okay, looks like I'm *in love* with this now. Maybe I can find gifs from just the episodes I've seen and somehow avoid everything else!")

In this way I think we finished the whole show around the end of March? (Now that I think on it, there might have been another break before Saul Gone? or maybe it was just the post-Fun and Games break extended a few days longer? I remember I didn't want to be partway through an ep when we went to see Linoleum, and then after seeing that once I needed to go and see it a couple more times, which pushed finishing BCS a bit longer than it would have taken otherwise.)

Also I made us discuss the show nigh endlessly, after each lunch and dinner watching session and in the gaps between (and I'm still bringing up things that I see online or notice on millionth rewatch of certain scenes), far more than I think any other thing we've watched ever? So there's that. (This show, man. This show.)

rb and share how you started watching breaking bad/better call saul. for science.

[ultraintrovertedgryffindor]

Trauma Nightmares - Ben Miller (Escape Room)

I believe I will be at least one of the first people to make an x reader for this character, which is like, unacceptable. Ben is a cinnamon roll and deserves more love. Get👏🏻with👏🏻the👏🏻program👏🏻sheeple

! ! ! Spoilers for the Escape Room movies ! ! !

~~~~~~~~~~

(my gif)

You awoke to the sound of whimpering.

At first, your thoughts immediately went to your dog, maybe he needed to go out? But as you gained more consciousness, you realized it wasn't your dog at all.

You looked over to see your boyfriend's sleeping form in the dark, but you quickly noticed that something was wrong.

You quickly turned on your bedside lamp, illuminating Ben's face to show you his face contorted in a fearful expression, his eyes shut tightly and his fists clenching. He was whimpering and whispering words that only sounded muffled to you.

He was having another nightmare.

As soon as you saw tears streaming down his face, you gently shook him. "Ben." You said as softly as possible, caressing his face. He woke with a jolt, grabbing you by your shoulders tightly, wildly looking around the room in a panic. "Hey, it's okay. It's okay."

Ben was still tense, but his panicked look calmed when his eyes finally landed on your concerned face. He slowly released the vice grip he had on your shoulders. The tension finally being released made you want to wince, but you stayed quiet because you knew he'd feel awful about hurting you, even unintentionally.

Ben frantically ran his fingers through his tangled hair, exhaling a loud shuddering breath.

You took hold of his hand, bringing it up to place a kiss on his knuckles. "It was just a dream."

Ben frowned, "Yeah..."

It was more than just a dream. It was a memory that was even more fucked up being replicated by his subconscious every time he closed his eyes. There were nights where it wasn't so bad, but it was almost always the same...

Ben was in a large room, every inch decorated in a way that would make you think you were in a rich person's mansion. The walls covered with ornate looking wallpaper, the burning fireplace giving the gold patterns a reflective shine. It felt cramped, fancy furniture filling the room that emitted an old, sweet musk that permeated his nostrils. It might've been a cool place to hang out in, if only he wasn't trying to fight for his life.

The walls were closing in as Ben's mental timer counted down, only seconds away from getting crushed to death along with all the expensive looking and fragile furniture, pieces of splintering wood getting lodged in his skin and shards of glass from the chandelier quickly slicing flesh and making him bleed a bright red.

Ben thought he had gotten all the clues, he could've sworn the code for the door was correct. But the walls didn't stop pushing further and further in. The doors wouldn't open. There was no escape. He could never escape...

But he did. He did escape that wretched Minos building and he was here with you, the sweet scent of your freshly washed hair relaxed him more than you could ever know. Just you sitting with him was enough most of the time, he appreciated you so much.

Ben allowed his eyes to close when he felt your soft skin against his, gently running your thumb across his knuckles. Sometimes he wondered if you were an actual angel sent down to help him overcome his PTSD, it felt like it in moments like these.

"Do you want to talk about it?" You voiced softly.

Ben slightly shook his head. "It's the same as always. There would be no point."

You noticed the sweat stains on his shirt and came up with an idea. "How about I run you a hot bath?"

Ben looked at you. "Why?"

You offered a small smile. "It'll help soothe you." And without another word, you pushed your duvet off and stood on the cool carpet, walking to the joint bathroom without waiting for an answer from Ben.

You turned the valve almost all the way to the left, got water soon flowing out of the faucet and quickly filling up the tub. You stepped back into the room to see Ben blankly staring off into space, most likely thinking about his dream over and over again like he usually does.

You didn't understand what he was going through, because you were never in that type of situation. You were never trapped in those escape rooms, and you hoped you never would. The way Ben described it to you, you wouldn't wish it on your worst enemy. You wished you knew exactly what he needed, but alas, you weren't a psychologist and you felt helpless when it came to his nightmares/flashbacks. But you did research soothing techniques for people with PTSD, and it helped some.

Whenever Ben had a horrible nightmare and couldn't escape his own head, he'd allow you to take the lead and you'd try your best to help calm his mind. And tonight, it was a hot bath.

You lead Ben into the bathroom like a toddler, gently undressing him and slowly easing him down to sit in the tub. You smiled softly when you heard him let out a sigh, the hot water feeling like heaven against his skin. But he didn't have to say anything to let you know he wanted you to sit with him, his big green puppy dog eyes were practically begging you.

You quickly undressed, not as gracefully as you undressed Ben, but you soon placed yourself to sit behind him. You wrapped your arms around his torso, and he instinctually relaxed against you, your warm skin proving to be more soothing than the hot water that engulfed the two of you.

You soon entangled your fingers in Ben's long, blonde locks, gently working out the knots from his bedhead and massaging his scalp. You smiled softly when you heard him let out a whiny sigh, feeling the muscles in his back finally untensing in your embrace.

"I hate these fuckin' goddamn nightmares..." Ben voiced.

"I know." You frowned, giving a soft kiss to his shoulder. "I know...I wish I could do more to help you."

Ben turned his head to look at you. "Hey..." He brought his hand up to caress your cheek. "Just being here, with me, is more than enough. I honestly don't think I'd be able to keep my sanity if it weren't for you."

You gently shook your head. "You're strong, Ben. You would be okay."

Ben frowned, turning his head back to stare forward. "I'm not as strong as you think I am."

"You are strong. I wouldn't even survive the stress of a situation like that."

"You'd never know until you were in that place. That was the whole point of that goddamn murder maze. Seeing what someone is capable of when their life is on the line." He huffed, tensing once again at the thought of being back at Minos.

You hugged him tighter, laying your head on his shoulder. "You won't have to deal with that evil place ever again, okay? You're safe now."

Ben chuckled bitterly. "Zoey wants me to fly to Manhattan with her, to try and take down Minos. I don't the universe has much safety in store for me any time soon."

"Ben, I thought we talked about this. You don't have to feel obligated to go with Zoey when you want to move on. It's not your fault if she's still stuck there."

"She saved my life. I owe her everything."

You sighed, you knew you couldn't talk him out of it. Now, life debts, you could understand well enough. Zoey was a sweet girl, a bit intense, but for a good reason. If Ben was going to help her take down Minos, you wanted to help too.

"I'm going with you."

Ben's eyes widened, quickly shaking his head, turning around in the tub to face you. "No. No, you can't. It's too dangerous. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something happened to you."

"And I wouldn't be able to live with myself if something bad happened to you. If you're going, I'm going too, and you can't talk me out of it."

"Y/n..."

"I love you, Ben. And I'll be damned if I don't do anything I can to help you." You finally snapped.

Ben blushed, his lip trembling slightly as tears built up his in eyes once again. "I don't want you to go through what I had to. Minos is run by psychopaths and they'll do anything to people for money. I just want you to be safe, at any cost...I've never felt that way about someone before..."

You smiled softly, leaning towards him and placing your hands on his cheeks before fully connecting your lips with his. "As long as we're together," You started once you pulled away, "I believe we'll be okay."

Ben finally nodded, enveloping you in a tight hug and releasing a shaky sigh. "I hope so..."

~~~~~~~~~~

Ben is my boy, he is very precious so me😊

[itsdanii]

To the person whose ask won't go through and decided to drop me a dm, here's your request ♥️ I hope you like it, bub! Have a good day and stay hydrated!

Security

genre: slight angst fluff

warning/s: insecurity, self doubts, mentions of che*ting (He didn't do it, just a thought)

a/n: please do read the warnings before you proceed. warnings have been put there for a reason.

prompt/s: "sleep at my place tonight", "i don't like the idea of you walking down the streets alone", "please talk to me about it".

ft. matsukawa issei, f!reader

you've always been secured about your relationship but with the way matsun was acting, you weren't so sure any more. how can you, when he doesn't even bother hiding the fact that he was avoiding you?

You weren't a possessive girlfriend nor were you a crazy psycho bitch who would glare at every girl who would get close to your boyfriend.

No, you were understanding. In fact, you were too understanding to the point that you refuse to confront your boyfriend despite several days of not eating lunch with you, only to find him having lunch with another girl just behind the school's gym.

Despite the countless doubts swimming inside your head, you forced yourself to be positive, to think that the interaction was only between two friends who would eat lunch together.

Eating lunches with your friends was pretty normal anyway, right? Everybody does it and so can Mattsun.

Throughout the whole day, your attention in class was at its lowest point. You were too distracted that one of your teachers even pointed it out, telling the whole room that you were somewhere up in space.

"Y/n-chan! You okay?" Oikawa asked as he came out of nowhere, his bag carelessly dangling on his side as he held a volleyball with his hand.

"Mhm, just not in the mood," you answered with a small smile.

Suddenly, Oikawa put an arm over your shoulder and leaned down beside your ear. "It's about Mattsun, isn't it? It's written all over your face, y/n-chan."

You didn't have the energy to deny so you only gave him a nod before sliding his arm off your shoulder dismissively. "It's just that he's been too busy lately. I mean, I'm not trying to eat up all his attention but I can't help but feel lonely, you know? He's my boyfriend yet he spends his time more with that girl from his class."

"Ooh, is our dear y/n-chan jealous?" he teased, poking your side which eventually made you gasp.

"So what if I am? I'm still his girlfriend," you said, crossing your arms over your chest.

As the two of you continued gossiping with random stuff that happened throughout your day, you both decided to get some icecream since it had almost been a week since you and oikawa catch up.

However, the moment you entered, the first person you saw was none other than your boyfriend who claimed that he was going to go home early because of some emergency. A chocolate icecream was placed on top of his table along with a strawberry one that obviously belonged to the person he was sitting with.

Mattsun's lips parted, looking like a deer suddenly caught in headlights, and the moment your feet moved to run away from the store, Matsukawa instantly stood up to chase you.

You only managed to run a few distance away from the icecream shop when a hand suddenly clasped around your wrist. You struggled against his hold, trying to take your hand back as the tears started streaming down your cheeks. "Let me go, Issei!"

"Love, please. Listen to me. It's a misunderstanding, okay? I wasn't-"

"Shut up, I don't wanna hear any of your excuses," you spat at him and forcefully pulled your wrist back, successfully this time. "I'm going home."

"I know you're mad and you probably want your space but, love, at least let me walk you home. You know how much I don't like the idea of you walking down the streets alone." Matsukawa looked at you with pleading eyes, his hand clenching and unclenching on his side at the fear of losing you.

You stared at his hand for a few moments before finally muttering a low "Fine."

The two of you walked quietly, a small distance between the both of you which you knew Matsukawa obviously hated. Everytime he would try to reach for your hand, you would take it away and pretend as if you were sctraching something or playing with the ends of your hair.

It was 10 minutes during your walk when he finally had enough of the looming silence. Without saying anything, he slid an arm over your waist and pulled you to him. "I wasn't cheating on you if that's what you're thinking," he immediately said as soon as you were wrapped around his arms.

You felt yourself relax a little upon hearing that but still, you were hurt by how cold he treated you. "Then why?" you asked, voice almost cracking as you held yourself back from crying, your hand fisting the back of his jacket tightly as if you didn't want to let go.

"I guess I really have to ruin the plan," Matsukawa muttered with a sigh. "She's actually my cousin and I asked for help since your birthday is coming up. I... don't know how to choose something a girl would like."

Oh no.

He didn't cheated on you. He wanted to buy you a gift.

And you ruined it.

On top of that, you basically accused your boyfriend of cheating on you when he only wanted to make you happy.

As if sensing the way your body suddenly became stiff, Matsukawa unwrapped his arms from around you. "Hey, love, it's okay. I understand where you were coming from."

You shook your head no and looked up at him with trembling lips. "It's not okay, Issei. I'm sorry. I just thought that I was going to lose you and I-"

You were silenced by the feeling of Matsukawa's lips on yours, his hand making it's way to your nape in order to guide you. At the feel of his lips moving against yours, your eyes fluttered close, savoring the feeling.

As he pulled away, he rested his forehead against yours, lips still hovering over your own as you both panted for air. "Fuck, I missed you," he whispered before giving your lips another peck. "It was my fault for acting cold towards you but please, the next time you feel insecure and need reassurance, please talk to me about it."

You nodded in response, still caught up with the kiss you both shared. With your arms still wrapped around his neck, fingers playing with the tips of his hair, you opened your eyes to stare at him. "I love you."

"And I love you too." Matsukawa pulled away and gently pat your hair down, chuckling at how it was slightly disheveled. "Sleep at my place tonight. Let's watch some shitty movies you love watching. It's weekend tomorrow anyway."

Smiling at him, you took his hand and interlocked your fingers together before answering, "I'd never say no to that."

I've never felt so single 👁️👄👁️

[choptop-sawyer]

Hi again 😎💫 im here to dig at ur brain again bcs i. M. Aaa sorry i just love ur stuff but. I have this kinda rly specific storyline type hc area and I'd love to hear any hcs you might get from it if its at all jr thing. But um I keep sometimes thinking back to the idea of kinda, vaguely growing up in the same area as the Sawyers, being childhood friends (and being stupid 2gether, running arount the countryside, ditching school & playing in corn fields) -

But then having to leave in your late teens to school / whatever (I mean 😎 my sappy ass also thinks abt mutual pining w Bobby but you know...... nearly unrelated.......)

Then, later on (Bobbys now Chop Top, Nubbins is..... dead I guess but also >:( maybe not, the family is up to being a mess etc) returning to town to take a break from work or whatever. N meeting up w the family again, i mean, oblivious to the bullshit they get up to but.... yk

This is a bit rambly i should probs have waited to sleep but I can't get the thought of returning to the Sawyer door wearing Bobbys tie dye sweatshirt that hr borrowed u years ago and all the impact of being a former family member bc u were also kind of an outsider or whatever but also the drama of leaving so uwu sksjd

This got so long. All i wanted to ask is: sawyer family headcanons for a childhood friend returning to town after being away for years. Rip.

THANK YOU FOR SENDING THIS god I love the image too of just standing in the doorway,, you're not home, you've changed a little bit, but you still fit into some of the old aspects you know so well they fit you and cover you.

Actually this is great because that fic that I swear exists has pretty much the same premise but!!! I can make this one less tragic than that one. 😎

(This is mostly Chop Top n you centric please don't mind)

Also this timeline is all fucky. I think that as soon as Chop came home from Vietnam the Sawyers had basically uprooted themselves and were living in North Texas because of the... Hardesty incident. But like can we pretend that that never happened they r still there in Newt? Just for this. (Hope you like it!)

Chop Top's Childhood Friend Returns

You don't think you would have turned out the way you did without the Sawyers.

They were the main element of your childhood, a mystery that you had to be a part of. A mystery, because they were closed off. Mistrustful. The sickness of small towns carried to the extreme, because they were mostly alone. The loneliness made them more miserable, the misery made them more isolated. A cycle, a legacy.

So it was a a miracle that you were even allowed to be apart of some of it, but you attribute that miracle to Bobby.

He seemed to think you were as much of mystery as what you thought the Sawyers were. Two kids looking through a small window into another world. But he liked that. He liked that you were something different, something new. From beyond that small world of loneliness that lived in the house.

You learned quickly that he had a desire for anything beyond that world. So he'd invite you out with him, when you were kids, to run free in the tall grass, when you got older, to drive with him to places unknown. He had a knack for finding these odd places, and he always brought you along with the music cranked up loud on the radio.

Bobby told you many times that he wanted to see the world. He had this lust for life that went beyond the restlessness of the young. He also said that he wanted to bring you along with him when he saw the world. You didn't ever mention how that always made your heart skip a beat when he said that.

Maybe you should have. But the past is the past and you can't change that.

You knew the other Sawyers too, but Bobby tended to avoid them sometimes. But occasionally, you got to hang out with them.

Nubbins was an enigma. You didn't think Nubbins was his real name. But that's the only one you heard from him, but the name situation was the least confusing thing. He was the most open person you knew. And yet you couldn't understand him, and decided at some point that you wouldn't ever. But he was fun. His energy was infectious, if he was filled with joy, you couldn't help but laugh with him too. That was Nubbins, so absent of any purposeful deceit that he was almost a mirror, you saw yourself around him, sometimes it was uncomfortable, but other times it was fun.

Bubba was the opposite. He seemed to be legitimately wary of you. Bobby once told you that Bubba didn't like to leave the house, ever. He stayed and did the chores. You wondered if he minded, being stuck with all the chores but Bobby said he didn't. It was comforting for him. Always having something set to do. You only saw him once. Nubbins had made him tag along when he needed him to hang some things from a tree. Bones from indeterminate animals, a clock with a nail through it. You don't think Nubbins actually needed Bubba to reach the branches (he climbed pretty well) but he just wanted his little brother to see his work. Bubba didn't make eye contact with you the entire time. He was wholly focused on his task of helping Nubbins. But he was gentle when he helped his brother, careful, and for that you liked him.

Drayton was... well. He was the one Bobby argued with the most. He was his brother, but with how much age between the two, it was almost hard to believe sometimes. Drayton was the one that everybody in Newt knew the most. People liked him well enough, but they said he was odd behind his back. He knew that. You don't think he trusted anything outside the insular world he and his family had existed in for years, and was at odds with Bobby because he didn't get why Bobby wanted anything to do with the world outside.

Oftentimes you would see Bobby after he and Drayton got into it. He'd be fuming, but he'd smile when he saw you. You'd leave with him whenever he came to you. These adventures were the most fun you had when you were there.

The other times you'd go off were when he'd convince you to skip school. Bobby never went himself. He didn't get the idea of all those kids sitting in classrooms for hours, doing nothing but writing and listening. Why do that when you can find things out for yourself? Get into some trouble? In his mind, he was saving you from a very boring thing.

You two knew the area around Newt well. The fields and the flat expanses were the best kind of playground. Your dreams were still set in them. A kind of sunshine filled melancholy.

Bobby told you things in the grass. His dreams yes, but his own thoughts. On music, on late night radio, on movies, on you. He perhaps thought of you as wonderful as voices on the radio, stars on the screen. He never told you that though. But your name was never far from his mouth when Bobby talked about the things he loved.

You and him loved each other as much as two kids who didn't know how to could. He was always on your mind now, with not much tangible objects to remember him with. A photograph taken by Nubbins, your faces blurred because you were laughing. A button, the pin on the back bent. A sweatshirt, which he tie dyed himself, and gave to you one night. The colors were faded. You never did get to return it.

The years away did nothing to lessen thoughts of him. No, they just blurred all together now, and the stream of the sunshine filled melancholy was almost endless. You needed a break. There was only one place you could think of that could help you with that.

So you came back. All things led back to this place eventually. Newt was dying, or dead. Didn't you see somewhere that when a ship went down, it took everything with it? You didn't want to stay for long. But you had to see all of them, you had to know that they were all not these strange figures you had dreamt up.

You went right to the house. You'd never actually been allowed inside, Bobby just always said something along the lines of 'Grandma and Grandpa are napping upstairs' or 'there's a mess' (never mind that he could care less usually about messes.) But you figured he had had a good reason. Maybe he was embarrassed.

When you knocked on the door, your heart was pounding. And that was all. Nothing happened, no indication that anyone was there. You waited, the sweatshirt was too hot but you didn't want to take it off.

Maybe you should come back another time. You were just about to turn around and leave when the door burst open, almost whacking you in the face. And there (you couldn't believe your eyes you couldn't this was a dream) he was.

Bobby had a hammer raised over his head, grinning, he was poised to swing it down, but then he saw you and he felt as if he was in a dream too.

It's been so long. He thought he made you up, a dream to carry him through misery, and you looked the part, even as you stood before him on the doorway. The light of the setting sun shone behind you, heat waves shimmered in the dusk, and you... you.

Facing each other, you stood, just staring. Over head the sky grew colorful, in the fields the grass whispered in the wind. Nothing had changed. Everything had changed. Bobby dropped the hammer and grabbed for your face, and he held it, fingers digging in so tight it hurt.

"H-hey you." He said, and fell to his knees, releasing your face. You numbly touched the marks his fingers left. Bobby still looked like a man who had seen a ghost.

You called his name, and his eyes looked lost, like he hadn't heard it in a long time. He looked up at you, and you could really get a good look at him. His face was leaner, he looked sickly and wiry, but his eyes were just as you remembered. You sank down to the porch to sit with him.

"Fuck... FUCK I didn't... I- I thought ya'd forgotten all about me... uh.. uhm. Fuck! I mean, r-really! Turnin' up out of the blue like you're some kinda... ghost or whatever... WHOA man... like, ya here to return m-my, my sweatshirt? You're wearin' it, you can keep it! You look better in it anyway... heh, fuck." He rambled on and on, hands tensing and twitching as if they were moving to touch you again, just to reaffirm your existence. Did he know how glad you were to see him? Did he know that you hadn't felt right for the longest time being away?

You forgot all about the sweatshirt, the hammer he had raised with a sadistic grin. You reached out and held one of his twitching hands, and he stilled and stopped talking. There was a peace now.

It didn't seem possible for your heart to feel this full. But it was. And by god, if this wasn't the best decision you made in your life to visit your old hometown, if only just for this moment.

Bobby stood, with your hand still in his, pulling you up. He smiled at you, and you knew you still loved him, and in your deepest heart, you knew he loved you too.

But this time around, maybe you and him could love each other right.

[btsxmalereaders]

➳ LMLY

Pairing: Jackson Wang x male reader

Genre: Angst

Word Count: 1,3k

🎵 LMLY

[If this is goodbye don't leave me loving you.]

Masterlist.

"You really need to end it, Y/N." Bambam sighs and stares at you, not intentionally to sound severe. "You'll only end up getting hurt."

It wasn't the first time you two have had this conversation, though. And you were very aware of what he has been repeating every time he got the chance, despite the way you acted.

"I know," You, as always, remind him of it. "I know that. But, honestly, wouldn't you do the same?"

"No, definitely not." He denies with his head and has an indecipherable expression on his face. "I know you've had this big crush on him for a while, but is it really worth it?"

Whatever you were about to say is interrupted by the sound of a message on your phone. You quickly glance at it and the rapid beating of your heart combined with a small smile, gives away who's the sender of that message.

"He wants to meet me later." You murmur, to which Bambam simply denies with his head. "Look, I understand why you don't like it, but I'm very aware of this; I know this is nothing serious and no matter how much I want it or try, Jackson will never love me as much as he loved his ex, but this is the only way I get to be with him, so I'll just go with it."

"I, I just really want you to know that you deserve better, Y/N. I don't want you to see you hurt, but if this is what you want... Then I guess I can't make you change your mind."

He stands up and ruffles your hair a bit, making you smile. "I have to leave, but call me if you need anything."

You tightly nod and get up from the couch after he leaves your apartment, getting ready for whatever Jackson wanted to see you.

After putting on your nicest clothes for the mere purpose of him finding you good-looking, you exit your place and make your way to his, with the excitement and nervousness running your entire body.

He greets you with that smile you fell in love with and hugs you quickly, inviting you to enter his apartment and saying he prepared dinner for you. Your heart feels fluttered and your cheeks covers in a pinkish hue.

Deciding to have dinner while watching movies, you both sit on the couch and share laughs and a small conversation when the movies are over and in the time you pick the next one.

Jackson is very attentive to everything you say, smiles at you all the time, and even comes up to you to snuggle on the couch, leaving occasional kisses on your shoulder and head, giving you the famous butterflies in your stomach.

When you both realize it's too late, he invites you to spend the night there, so you end up sleeping in each other's arms after another kissing session, and when he sleeps peacefully next to you and you look at him, so perfect, so wrong... The realization that you shouldn't have accepted this in the first place makes you feel terrible. Jackson just had told you it was fun to spend time with you, and you only wanted to tell him how in love you were with him.

"It's been like three months now," You say and turn on your feet to face Bambam, who is now raising his eyebrow and his arms are crossed over his chest. "So I'm just going to tell him."

"Really? You should've told him since day one." He blurts out sarcastically.

"Not helping! Your friend here is having a crisis now."

"Alright, alright." He walks towards you and places his hands over your shoulders to give them a small squeeze and comfort. "Are you sure you want to do this? You know, you're probably expecting him to consider your feelings and... really try to have something serious with you, but..."

"I know that it can go wrong. Of course I took that into consideration."

"Okay, I was just making sure." He smiles and sighs. "So, when are you telling him?"

"Well, I'm going to see him tomorrow."

"Alright, well, good luck, I guess? I don't know what to tell you." He giggles, making you smile and feel less tense.

"Thanks, I'm going to need it."

"Just in case things go wrong, for the record, I always hated him." He says, making you fake gasp. "But if all goes well, then... Nah, I always hated him."

"Hey!" You pout and he walks over to your living room as he laughs. "Come here!"

When the day finally came you were more than nervous. Your body shaked at the thought of you confessing to him, and your heart would feel the excitement by imagining things actually going well.

Just when you were about to get ready, someone knocks on your door, and you immediately think that it's Bambam, probably to give you some encouragement, but you are surprised to see Jackson with a nervous expression on his face.

"Oh? I thought we would meet up at the restaurant. Is everything okay? Do you want to come in?" You quickly babble, feeling incredibly nervous.

"I'm sorry," He says, not intending to get inside. "I- I've been talking to Jae lately... And we kind of, you know, are getting back together."

"Oh," An awkward smile appears on your face. "I, uh, I understand. After all, this wasn't serious..."

"Yeah, again, I'm sorry."

"No worries," You say, feeling a lump on your throat and your hands shaking. "I'll see you around?"

Jackson nods, not knowing what else to say, and walks away.

When you close the door, your weak legs make you slide to the ground, feeling so pathetic, wondering how you could have ever believed that what you two had really had a future.

You knew it. Deep down, you knew things would end up just like now; yet, you still held on to that bit of hope, and now you're there, with tears streaming down your face and a broken heart.

With shaking hands you get to grab your phone from your pocket and text your friend, knowing he'd be there for you in no time.

Bam♡

Do i have to beat someone?

You

No, just get here as soon as you can

And bring nice ice cream with you

Bam♡

Rocky road and movies?

You

Please:(

Bam♡

I'll be there in a heartbeat!

That night, Bambam let you cry over his shoulder. He gave you hugs and made sure to always be around you, listening to everything you had to say.

"I'd say it's not worth it to cry over that jerk, but now you need to let all that out." He says as he comes back from the kitchen. "Here. More ice cream and tissues."

You take what he's handing you and whisper a thank you before start crying again. "I am so stupid. I should've listened to you."

He sits next to you, pausing your favorite movie and staring back at you. "You're not stupid, don't say that... a little bit silly, maybe..."

When your crying becomes louder, Bambam goes for a hug. "I am just kidding, ah, I am sorry, I just wanted to make you laugh."

He gives soft caresses to your back, making your breathing more stable and stoping the tears in your eyes; bringing you calmness.

In between his warm arms, you feel thankful to have such a supportive friend next to you,  meanwhile Bambam knows his heart is beating fast because, even after all this time, he's still in love with you.

But not today, he reminds himself. Tonight he has to put his feelings aside and comfort you  because you need it. He doesn't want to burden you with the confession of his crush right now, you don't need that now. So for now he only gives you a shoulder to cry on, his support and, in shy caresses, all of his love. 

[pink-peony-princess]

Isn't She Lovely?

"Please, please go to sleep" I whispered desperately, as I rocked back and forth in the small room. Gracie our one month old daughter was distraught, I'd tried everything feeding her burping her, changing her, laying her down, rocking her and still she was crying. I was at the end of my wit and I really didn't know what to do. To make matters worse Shawn, the love of my life and husband of six months had gone out for the day with his little sister and even though he told me before he left to call if I needed abything, I was reluctant. This was his first full day off from work as an E.R. doctor in almost a month. Normally he'd spend the day with me and Gracie and he'd tried to do the same thing today, but I was insistent when his sister contacted him that he spend the day with her. The last thing I wanted was to get in the way of that.

But I was really starting to regret it now. It felt like no matter what I did, nothing would stop the unchecked sobs that left poor Gracie's mouth, her face was red and blotchy from the tears and her skin clammy from the force she was exuding.

"Sshh, sshh," I lulled, trying to comfort her, but it was no use, my voice could barely be heard over her cries. Finally I gave up, placing her in her crib which only caused her to cry harder and went down stairs to find the formula which we kept on hand for times like this when there was no other solution. For some reason she always seemed to settle when she was fed formula. Strange, maybe, but it worked, and I wasn't about to say no to something that might calm her down. We were both exhausted.

I made the bottle quickly rushing around the kitchen, conscious of the fact that she was upstairs squawking her little head off. I was just heading back up stairs when I remembered her dummy on the counter and turned back to get it,but there must have been water on the floor from when I was rinsing the bottle that I'd somehow missed, because the last thing I was aware of was falling and not being able to catch myself, whacking my head on the counter,landing harshly on the floor and then black.

The next thing I was aware of was the vague sound of a lock being turned and then a shadow in the doorway to the kitchen which I couldn't quite make out in my hazy state before a frantic voice yelled out, way to loudly for my pounding head,

"Shawn, you need to get in here now!"

There was the sound of quick footsteps, only making my head hurt more, before Shawn was squatting down so his face was level with mine. I had never seen him look as worried in all the time I'd known him than he did right now. His brows furrowed, mouth tipped slightly downwards as he studied me.

"Baby, what happened? Why is Gracie crying? Are you okay?" he fired question after question at me, but my brain was still too frazzled to take much in.It felt like when you wake up from an extra long nap and you're all disoriented. And all I could take in was pain, both my head and side were throbbing and I couldn't help but hold my side around my ribs in a weak attempt to stop it hurting.

The look of concern only grew at my silence. Finally the gravity of the situation actually hit me and it all came flooding back, Gracie's crying,my unsuccessful attempts to pacify her, the kitchen and my fall.

"I'm sorry, I'm sorry," I sobbed into his chest, tears now streaming down my face. "It's okay baby, tell me what happend? Aaliyah would you go and get Gracie please?" he asked, looking up at her from the floor.

She nodded, and left the room quickly ,leaving us alone momentarily.

"I'm so sorry," I continued to mumble into his chest between sobs as Shawn rubbed soothing circles into my back, waiting patiently for me to calm down enough to explain what had happened. I must have looked like a complete mess.

"Baby, I'm not mad, I promise," he whispered leaning back again to look at me. "I'm just worried, you scared me so bad," he admitted, kissing the top of my head. "Now what happened?"

I just looked at him still feeling overwhelmed and guilty. How could I let this happen?

"Tell me what happend?" he whispered again, brushing the hair out of my face.

"I was coming down here to get the formula, she's been crying all day, and I'm so tired and sore Shawn!" I hiccupped.

"Why didn't you tell me, honey? You should have called or texted," he half scolded, but I could tell his heart wasn't in it.

"And I feel so stupid, I can't even get my own baby to feed properly and she's crying all the time, and my scar is excruciating," I cried. My C-section scar had been hurting for a little over a week now and when I'd looked at it, it looked red and I knew it was probably infected, but I was too scared to do anything about it, so this was the first time Shawn was hearing about it.

"Hey, the last thing you are is stupid, I don't ever want to hear you say that again," he spoke fiercely. "You are the mother of my child and the love of my life." He kissed my hair softly.

"Can I have a look?" he asked, moving to lift my top up.

I nodded, letting him know it was okay.

He lifted the fabric and there was the scar looking more red and angry than ever.

"Baby, why didn't you tell me?" he asked searching my face. The worst part wasn't the pain I was in, but the fact that he looked genuinely hurt that I hadn't asked him for help. I really couldn't tell you what had stopped me, but the way he looked at me now made me feel so guity. I let out a whimper as he gently touched the area surrounding the wound testing for I don't know what.

"Baby this is infected. You'll need antibiotics and cream for this," he explained, moving to sit on the floor in front of me, taking my hands in his.

"Promise me next time, you'll tell me okay. Even if you think it's nothing okay. You know I'm always here for you." he squeezed my hands gently as he spoke. I nodded not trusting my voice as I felt a new wave of tears coming.

"I didn't want to worry you, you were out with Liyah, and I didn't want to bother you." I paused unsure of how to go on.

Thankfully he seemed to understand and broke the silence for me.

"You've knocked your head on something honey, you've got a small cut above your left eyebrow." He reached up to the bench grabbing the kitchen towel roll and tapping at my face gently, before showing me the red paper.

"It's not as bad as it could be, but I'll still need to clean it."

"I can do it," I insisted. He frowned, clearly disapproving. He knew I didn't like it when he went all medical on me.

"Lilah, no offense baby, but you're in no state to be doing anything medically related right now. You're clearly exhausted, you've hit your head and from the way you're holding your side I'd bet you've bruised a few ribs."

"Come on, let's go into the bathroom and we'll get you cleaned up and you can have a nice long bath, with some Epsom salts and I'll see about getting you on some antibiotics and cleaning your scar okay?" he smiled encouragingly.

I went to open my mouth, but he stopped me mid-word, holding his finger to my lips with a smile. "No buts, I know you don't like it when I worry, but it's my job, both as your husband and as a doctor, please let me do it."

He led me into the bathroom, helping me to sit down on the closed lid of the toilet seat, before reaching up into the cabinet and pulling the giant first aid box down.

"You know," he spoke as he opened it up and surveyed the contents for a moment. "Asking for help doesn't make you a bad mum. If anything it'll make you an even better mum- if that's even possible," he smiled. "Because you will have the support there when you need it. Me your mum, my mum even are Aaliyah are all here for you Lilah."

I dropped my head as what he was saying sank in. I could have avoided all of this if I'd just swallowed my pride and asked for help.

"I'm sorry," I whispered again.

"Baby, you don't need to be sorry," he murmured coming over to stand in from of me holding what looked like cotton swabs. "Head up for me honey," he spoke, tapping under my chin with his pointer finger.

I lifted my head as he asked and made the mistake of looking him in the eye. That was all it took for another round of tears fuelled by exhaustion and humiliation to well up as I faught to stop them falling again.

"I'm just going to wipe the blood away so I can see the cut a little better okay?" he asked, stepping closer so his legs were on either side of mine. I nodded, trying to be brave.

Once he'd cleaned by head up and placed a plaster on it for good measure he turned his attention to my scar. "Lift your top for me again Princess?" he asked as he turned to get more cotton swabs, disinfectant and cream from the box.

"This is going to sting, I'm sorry honey," he warned as he poured the yellowish liquid onto one of the swabs and moved to pull the fabric of my shirt up further."Ready?" he asked, watching me carefully.

I nodded,clenching my fists. "Try to relax honey," he encouraged, dropping my shirt and placing a comforting hand on my thigh instead.

Sure enough as soon as the liquid came into contact with my skin I wanted to scream.

"Deep breathes Lilah," he encouraged as he wiped the area a few times. "Nearly done."

I tried my hardest to not move, but I couldn't help he whimper that slipped through my lips. Shawn frowned, his hand giving my thigh a slight squeeze.

"What do you want to have for dinner tonight bub? I could do Carbonara?" I knew he was trying to distract me from what he was doing, but I was greatful. It gave me something to do other than focus on the intense burning that was still eminating from my stomach.

"That would be nice," I smiled, I could feel my stomach rumbling at the thought.

"Okay, we'll do that and we can have a movie night how does that sound?" he asked as he finally removed the swab,and placed it in the bin.

"How you feeling Lilah?" Aaliyah asked a few minutes later, stepping into the bathroom as Shawn wiped some soothing care onto the area.

Gracie was now asleep in her arms, no hint of the earlier upset apparent on her face. She looked like a sleeping angel.

Shawn placed the cream on the counter and went over to take Gracie gently from his sister kissing her softly on the head as she fidgeted slightly getting comfortable in her daddy's arms. I could just make out him speaking softly to her, " I heard you've been giving your mommy a hard time little lady, maybe save that for when daddy's home so we can play two man defense," he whispered.

I couldn't help but laugh at the way he spoke as though she could understand everything he was saying.

"Hey, who said you could listen in, this is a private conversation between me and my girl." he hugged her closer to his chest a fake scowl on his face as she grabbed a fist full of his shirt in her sleep,

"She's half mine," I quipped back with a grin.

"Touche," he smiled, rubbing the bridge of her nose with a feather light touch watching as she scrunched it in response.

"How about you take a bath honey, I'll start getting dinner going," he suggested as he carefully passed Gracie back Aaliyah.

"But what about Gracie?" I asked.

"Her aunty has her hey baby," Aaliyah smiled down at Gracie from the doorway.

I smiled, I knew that between Aaliyah and Shawn they could handle her, so I nodded and they both left, though Shawn not before placing a soft kiss to my temple and whispering an "I love you."

...

It was several hours later and Shawn had made dinner and put Gracie down, Aaliyah having left leaving Shawn and I to cuddle on the sofa 10 things I hate about you playing softly on the T.V. though I was so tired from the day's events that I wasn't really paying attention to the movie, instead enjoying the warmth radiating from Shawn his soft breathing lulling me further into sleep.

"I'm sorry if you felt like you couldn't tell me," he murmured as he traced patterns into my thigh.

I sighed, snuggling into him more.

"It's okay, it's me, it's just all new, and I guess I wasn't expecting it to be so hard," I admitted.

"You know, I'm always here right, whenever you need me, my family comes before anything."

"I know." And I did know, Shawn was never exactly quiet about his love of protectiveness of us.

"You and Gracie are my life," he spoke.

Just as he said that a soft whine started from down the hallway signalling that she'd woken.

I sighed going to get up,"No," he spoke firmly, pushing me gently so I was forced back into my little cacoon on the sofa. "I'll go."

"Are you sure, I'm fine to get her," I started.

"Babe, you've had a tough day,let me look after my girls," he pleaded with the best puppy dog eyes I'd ever seen, even for him.

I nodded, letting him go, watching as he made his way down the hall and into our daughter's room.

A few moments later he returned, little Gracie in nothing but a nappy due to the hot summer night, her whines having turned into soft little grunts as she lay on Shawn's shoulder.

"Hi bubba," I sang as Shawn sat down again, moving her to his right shoulder so I could keep talking to her. "What are you doing up so late ha? You're gonna be so tired in the morning little lady." As if on cue she started crying again, more forcefully than before.

I sat up holding my hands out ready to take her, a reflex reaction, but Shawn shook his head "I wanna try something," he told me, shifting her slightly and unbuttoning his shirt to show his toned chest. Her placed Gracie down and as soon as her skin touched his she settled. I smiled, watching the cute scene unfold before me.

"She knows daddy's got her and it's all okay,hey baby," he cooed softly and unapologetically, rubbing firm comforting circles into her back. "I can't believe we made her," he whispered in awe minutes later when she'd fallen back to sleep, resting soundly on Shawn.

"I can, but isn't she lovely," I moved to ever so softly stroke her hair, it was like angel's hair, still perfect,she was perfect, still so innocent, oblivious to the big bad world outside our perfect little family.

"She's the most lovely girl in the world, she takes after her mommy like that," Shawn smiled, turning to peak me on the lips. And in that moment I felt that everything in the world was right. That no matter what happened I would always have my perfect little family and that was all I needed.