#but i would really love to be able to live stream my console games since most of my absolute favorites are

[mariska]

this post is turning 5 years old in October of this year isnt that wild. still a long ways off but i feel like i should do a twitch stream or something playing as ChicknLittle in honor of his special day later this year. that could b fun

soul calibur 6 is a good game

[sege-h]

Thoughts on the State of Play reveal

Under a readmore just in case

1- I know I said I'd keep the Son*dow tag blocked for a bit after Prime ended but I think I'll keep it blocked till the end of the year now lmao

2- I know the rumor has been going around since yesterday but I took it with a grain of salt since it's. Yknow. A rumor. But even when I let myself think 'what if its real tho' this is SO FAR FROM WHAT I EXPECTED. A!!! I thought at most we'd get is a remaster that'd also make Shadow playable! As soon as I saw the new level I was like WAIT WHAT. WAIT WHAT!!?!? and it just kept going from there!!!

I'm so happy we'll be getting a HD biolizard fight! He'll no longer be contained to the 3DS! Also from what little we saw Shadow will get to have some dynamic posing in the boss fights, like Super Sonic did in Frontiers. Good! I loved those!

3- Ian Flynn has #KnowingSmile'd the announcement and I'm hoping this means he got to write for whatever new content there is.

And speaking of Frontiers! I'm hoping that this ends up being Shadow's 'Frontiers' moment. In that his writing and character get what Amy's, Tails', and Knuckles' did in Frontiers.

4-I had the stream off to the side in another tab since I wasn't interested in most of what was shown. And then I heard the first few notes of the Generations music and i immediately switched tabs and I just!!! Feel like I did in 2011 except my computer/internet is way better, and you tube is shittier!

5- I'm excited for this for such Me reasons. For those new here- I live in a country that had no Sonic stuff for...well, never, really. Not until about 2022. The second movie did what I'd hoped the first movie would do (but then the pandemic happened) and brought over Sonic stuff here. For the first time in my life I went to a toy store here and it had Sonic stuff. I got to buy physical Sonic comics for the first time. For the first time in my life I can go to a video game store and actually see Sonic games there. It's been wild

That being said, 2011 had Nothing. Sonic Generations came out. And I didn't want to pirate it because a friend of mine had worked on it. I was determined to find it. And I only saw it irl one time- for the Playstation. A console I've never had. It was pretty upsetting! I remember posting about it here even....I've been on tumblr too long SHDGSHDHS

Later I'd find that there was a 3DS version. I have that! So I looked for that version of it alongside the PC one

So, for almost a decade, I looked, to no avail. And for this whole time I refused to look at any playthroughs! Any knowledge I had on whats in the game came from the trailers we saw

And then in 2019 my best friend helped me buy the 3DS version. I had 9 dollars on my 3DS and whenever the game went on sale it'd be on for 10 dollars. So he gave me a dollar and helped me get it SHDGSHDH

So I finally experienced Generations! It was surprise after surprise in that one, because I knew it was different but I didn't know how. I didn't expect a Rush level in it, or for the Biolizard to be in there!

And then in late 2020 when I got my new computer and could finally get steam, another close friend got me Generations for the PC! I'd somehow managed to dodge spoilers on it all those years so all I knew about it was: Theres Green Hill, Chemical Plant, City Escape, and a Silver boss fight.

I got to play modern City Escape for myself- which is the level that inspired the current iteration of my main OC, Storm. It was a joy

All this rambling to say...it's wild to think that once this remaster comes out, I'll be able to get it day 1, at least I hope I will. Still-it won't take me almost a decade to get to it

And if there's a physical release? I'll be able to go to a store here- HERE, not in one of our neighboring countries, not from somewhere else, but in a store here. Right across the street. And I'll finally have a physical copy of Generations. That was my final goal with the game-- I love it, I have two versions of it! And the plan was always that even though I'd gotten to play them now, if I ever ran into a physical copy of the game, I'd buy it. And now I'll really get to do it

6- Bonus thought of me being silly: Wowow my OC was shown at the State of Play--

[sylwanin-was-right]

My reactions to the review under the cut 💙

5:00-6:00 - i LOVE the incorperation of the wildlife into gameplay so much. We'll get to see so many new and immersive plants from Pandora that are FINALLY canon and feel immersive and not just for "window dressing" or even overtly obvious game machanics.

6:50 - STORM BEAST LMAO

8:00 - I love this "lived in" aspect of the game! The Na'vi are original people of Pandora, so its do nice to actually see them in mundane situations. I cant wait to see more of their daily lives through NCP interactions!

8:10 - UGH THEIR HOMETREE IS SO GORGEOUS. I wish I could get this gane JUST to explore and escape.

10:30 - aw man i love the totem experience dialougue. Rlly profound and beautiful; immersive and spirutual, esp bc the main protag is reconnecting.

11:00 - OFC the RDA were shooting wildlife! Ugh, bastards!!

11:20 - OMG weather conditions affect gameplay!! Nice!! I love the concept of the harvestable resources affected by in-game weather patterns.

12:18 - YES being able to fly ikran anywhere unrestricted... ugh if only i had that simulation on Wii. The Owls of Ga'hoole Wii game had such nice controls for flight and it was soothing just to fly around various maps tilting the wii remote. I imagine its a different feeling with a controler but maybe u can tilt console controler too? Would be a rlly cool experience if u could.

12:50 - Love to hear that the game feels as immersive as it looks!! Thats the biggest perk imo. Ive played skyrim on my xbox (rip, doesnt rlly work well anymore) and at times id just play the game for its ambience and the exploration (open-world games are my fave bc of this). I cant wait to explore Pandora as a true Na'vi bc of the attention to detail of the team from Frontiers!

13:15 - i love that there arent many distractions on screen! Much more immersive that way. And makes u feel like youve really stepped into a different perspective.

- Love bringing the Iknimaya to life in the game! And loyalty is what you get from your ikran for proving to them how strong you are to follow them and work with their mind to fly together. So when u fall they will be there to catch you whenever. Very nice detail.

15:18 - FLAOTING RDA PLATFORMS?? DISRUPTING WILDLIFE?? 👀

- Not much to say abt the combat since I'm no expert or even casual enjoyer of combat games (Most ive ever played is Red Dead Redemption and [cant remember]). Looks cool tho!

20:39 - Oh wow thats an interesting setup to play the game demo lol! Streamed to his PC from a different local lol.

- Hmm he said he prefers first person shooter games on PC. I dont think I've ever played one on PC before! Very interesting.

---

Tewti! What a nice and honest review! Lots of considerations for gameplay time and intentional demo setup from him, and lots to look foward to in only 20 more days!

Oe so'ha nìtxan!!!!!

[sarambcreates]

Domestic room piece: reflection and research

Ever since we were briefed on this project about the future, I knew that in at least one of the futures I would like to address what I would like in MY future specifically, as hopefully in 2050 I will still be alive. Me and my boyfriend love talking about our future and future home, and one of our highlights is how we want a room dedicated solely to gaming, as it is both of our main hobbies. Currently we already have a gaming room, however it is still far from our goal and vision, so that is what I want the domestic room to be about: putting onto an illustration our vision of our future gaming room. Also, considering gaming is always evolving with new technology and the newest console, I can also implement in it the kind of technology we imagine we might have in our future gaming room. One of the biggest aspects that has been changing in gaming is the use of VR that is still around, but it still is growing quite a bit, as fully immersive experiences are only really accessible outside the house and relies on a lot of hardware devices. So before starting this project did some research on the future of gaming.

1) “Level Up: The Future of Video Games is Bright” (2022) by Anders Christofferson, Andre James, Amanda OBrien and Tom Rowland at https://www.bain.com/insights/level-up-the-future-of-video-games-is-bright/#:~:text=Three%20big%20trends%20are%20changing,massive%20global%20audience%20to%20succeed.

- Games industry is always increasing and will continue to do so, as global revenue in gaming is supposedly going to increase by 50% in the next 5 years.

- As games manage to provide more immersive worlds, it also gives more room for microtransactions.

- Streaming  (people live streaming gameplay and offering commentary) is a new type of content creating that has increased incredibly over the past few years and that the gaming industry can really take advantage of.

- increase of younger people (13-17 yrs) spending 40% more time on video games compared to other forms of media/entertainment such as TV and social media. It really makes a difference as it shows that the younger generations are a lot more comfortable spending extensive times in digital environments than older people. 

- Furthermore, older gamers are not ageing out from gaming.

There are three things really boosting the gaming industry right now:

- Tech advancements: People’s increased access to stronger internet makes things more accessible for gaming in several different devices, even if the game has a big extensive world. Virtual Reality is being more implemented and the prices of the devices needed are a lot more accessible.

- Metaverse experiences: The metaverse (a virtual-reality space in which users can interact with a computer-generated environment and other users. (google definition) brings in opportunity for other industries to come into a gaming world as people want more and more events connected to real life in it (Example: in-game concerts in Fortnite)

- New Monetization models: free-to-play games offer revenue through the transactions inside the game instead of the one-off for purchasing the game. These opportunities will be further multiplied by the metaverse

2) “ What is the future of gaming?” (2022) by Buddhika Jayasingha at https://www.bcs.org/articles-opinion-and-research/what-is-the-future-of-gaming/

There are a few main technologies boosting the gaming industry and helping create these immersive intricate worlds:

- Cloud Gaming: This would allow people to play heavy games in devices that in theory should not be able to run them, furthering accessibility of intricate games. With internet the user can play the game by accessing a server, without the need of installing it. It would also decrease the cost of access to the games as people won’t need to buy the whole game.

- AR: This technology takes gaming away from the limits of a screen and a controller and allows the environment around you to be part of the game, further increasing the immersive capabilities of gaming.

- AI: AI being mixed in with games will allow them to not be such a concrete limited thing but allow a game to be adaptable to the user by learning about them and making the game respond accordingly.

- Metaverse: All of the techs above will make intricate metaverse possible which is the peak immersion someone could get from a game by allowing all sorts of different experiences that are normally limited to the real world into the gaming world.

3)  “A potential glimpse at the Gaming industry in 2050!” (2021) by BossMac Suba at https://back2gaming.com/games/a-potential-glimpse-at-the-gaming-industry-in-2050/

-VR will be a lot more advanced in gaming compared to nowadays which is already a thing. The headsets will potentially be more compact, have sound system in it and even a whole console, without the need for a separate device. Glove controllers and other specialized controllers that simulate in game tools. will allow you to control in game movement. 360 degree treadmills (already a thing! https://www.theverge.com/2020/10/7/21504797/virtuix-omni-one-vr-treadmill-announce-crowdfunding) would allow us to move within the same spot and without leaving our homes. 

Reflection: This last aspect would eliminate a lot of the health related disadvantages that gaming has.

4) Movie: Ready Player One (2018)

This movie is incredibly appropriate to my research as it takes place (mostly) inside a metaverse where people go to every day in the year 2045. There they can play several different games but also go shopping, as well as clubbing and to the cinema. The movie then approaches how this metaverse that is such a big part of everyone’s life in this year in the wrong hands can be taken advantage of, as people will gamble their money to try and get more inside the game. In the end of the movie it is highlighted how the creator of the metaverse realized that reality is more precious and that people can’t spend their whole lives inside it or else they are not living fully, and also they discuss about the competitivity of games sometimes but how working in a team and connecting with people is also more valuable. This is an interesting take I might highlight in my piece, however as I will be showing me and my boyfriend playing with it and bonding over it, it should by itself show it as an extension of what life has to offer as well as human connection so that should naturally be communicated.

[doshmanziari]

Most English-speaking people today who are aware of videogame developer T&E Soft only know of them through two titles: the first Hydlide (specifically the, by 1987, dated/inferior NES re-release) and Virtual Hydlide. Both of these have acquired a pretty undue notoriety, mostly encouraged by the exaggerations of e-personalities intent on making everything out to be either AWESOME or LMAO TERRIBLE, since that’s what gets the most attention. It’s better to see Hydlide in its PC-6001/PC-88 context as an innovator of the action-adventure-RPG genre, and the influence for the first two Ys games’ format (also little-known: Ys III: Wanderers from Ys was modeled on the design of Tritorn 2, a game by developer Sein/Xain/Zain Soft; it even copied some of the settings!). Understood as such -- compare the PC releases of Hydlide to, e.g., the original Dragon Slayer, also released for the PC-88 in 1984 --, we can also begin to understand its popularity as a consequence of something more than millions of Japanese citizens being deprived and deluded. Virtual Hydlide is noteworthy too as a strange and perhaps unique attempt at crafting a lightly randomized, score- and time-based 3D arcade game for a home console using the overworld + dungeon crawler format. Its most significant downside is a miserable framerate. I get why this would put people off from playing it, especially since it’s always conflicted with the design’s speedrun-like emphases. But if this were the worst thing you could knock a game for, the medium would be specially positioned among all others for a minimum of faults (hint: it isn’t).

With that preamble out of the way, I’d like to bring to unaware readers’ attention Rune Worth 2 and 3, released for the PC-98 in 1991. As usual, if your only resources on the English-speaking Internet for videogames are Wikipedia and MobyGames, you would probably never know about either of these (Wikipedia cites the first Rune Worth (1989) for the MSX, but says nothing of the sequels; MobyGames does not even cite the former). The Rune Worth series was, by all appearances, T&E Soft’s successor to Hydlide, and while it is formally organized as a trilogy, the three-months-gap between the second and third installment’s release, their discounted price, and the way in which 3 picks up right where 2 leaves off (to the extent of being able to transfer your character data from one to the other), means that, really, there are two full entries. Much of this information was laid out on a dedicated stream for both these games by Macaw45, who has dedicated years to researching, cataloguing, and exposing people to lesser-known videogames. If you can’t read Japanese, or just don’t want to play the games yourself, the embedded video would be your best bet for seeing them in action.

There are many things to say about Rune Worth 2/3 -- the dramatic introductory sequence preceding the main menu, the luxuriant sprawl of its public spaces (one can, for example, go out to the first castle’s rooftop, partitioned into a little pseudo maze, despite no requirement for doing so), its equal emphasis on setting, story, and action -- but since I’ve elected to make this into an image-based post, I want to illustrate how amazing these games look. Even from a distance, many PC-98 games have a distinct and highly abstract composure; and, looking at them up close, where the unlikeliness of certain chromatic and textural decisions make themselves known, it’s a wonder over and over again how representation emerges from what I described in a post about Super Hydlide as “an ornate and time-worn carpet.” The resemblance to a tapestry is especially obvious with Rune Worth 3 and its faded floral border depicting a grape vine. The overall visual splendor of these mosaics on a PC-98 monitor would, of course, be all the subtler and greater.

Over time, a handful of early- to mid-90s Japanese PC videogames have gotten more exposure in the West as the consumption of anime and nostalgic sentiment have grown hand-in-hand (not infrequently to pathologically anti-social effect). The bulk of these have tended to be of the visual novel/eroge type. YU-NO: A Girl Who Chants Love at the Bound of this World, released in 1996 for the PC-98, is a particularly popular example, in part because of its soundtrack by Ryu Umemoto. For me, the in-game artwork for these titles can be technically commendable, but is otherwise not very exciting. When I look at Rune Worth 2 or 3, it sometimes reminds me of looking at artist Kathleen Ryan’s beady sculptures of rotting fruit and marveling at the surprising vibrancy and coloristic range within putrefaction: the intersection of the beautiful and ugly, and its fructifying of the grotesque. This extends to a number of PC-88 titles too, like Sorcerian (Falcom, 1987) and DIOS (Zain Soft, 1989). In some cases, there is a remarkable convergence of visual grit/granularity and fidelity, maybe exemplified best of all by the PC-98 release of Xak III: The Eternal Recurrence (MicroCabin, 1993). But even there I find myself missing the marvelous polychromaticism of these two Rune Worth games. The intention for, say, Super Nintendo games to be played and seen on CRT TVs has never been an impediment to contemporary indie developers mimicking their look for modern LCD monitors. Even if it feels unlikely, then, I wonder if we will one day see a small revival of that fibrous, loom-woven PC-88/PC-98 look.

﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌﹌

You can support my writing, music, and artwork on Patreon.

[alicemitch09writes]

first love

pairing: Kuroo Tetsurou x reader

summary: You never forget your first love.

author’s notes: This is what prompted the many angst fics to come in my repertoire. I’ll just to slowly transfer some of my one-shots that are reader inserts here on tumblr.

twenty one pilot’s cover of ‘can’t help falling in love’ really helped me in the writing of this fic. It’s a favorite of mine I keep going back to when writing fics. Reader is a musician, who plays the ukulele and violin and at the time when I wrote this (back in 2017), I was learning to play the uke, mostly for fun.

also available on ao3.

disclaimer: i own NOTHING but the plot.

Wise men say, only fools rush in

But I can't help, falling in love with you

 They moved to Tokyo when she was 8.

And at a young age, she was pretty much a timid and shy girl, always hiding behind her parents whenever in the presence of new people, especially when she was being introduced. She wasn't very good with socializing, always wary and scared that she'd make a horrible impression.  And of people, in general. People were generally scary, especially those she was unfamiliar with. She found solace in music, due to her father's influence, who was a music instructor at a university. "When words fail, music speaks." He'd tell her as they played 'Heart and Soul' together on the piano, her mother taking a video of them from the side. And a little while later, by some miracle, she made friends with the local kids – Tetsurou and Kenma. The two were an odd pair, given Tetsurou's loud and mischievous demeanor being a total contrast to Kenma's quiet and well-behaved and aloofness. Still, they were the best friends she could ever have.

 Years passed, and the three were inseparable.

Over time, the two proved to be more trouble than they were worth – Tetsurou, with his never-ending schemes and provocation abilities, and Kenma, with his indifference to the world so long as he was playing his games.

Nothing's changed much of her, other than her ability to keep the dynamic duo grounded. Also, she had her flair for music. Still, she was terribly shy. Though she has a voice, she chose to stick to the background, wanting to be out of the limelight.

Tetsurou would scold her, saying that it was a waste because she had a good singing voice. In which, would make her blush. Kenma would say the same thing even without looking up from his game console. But Tetsurou's words resounded, her heart beating like a drum.

    Shall I stay, would it be a sin?

If I can't help, falling in love with you

   It was the clichest thing to happen – she fell in love with her childhood friend.

She fell for Tetsurou.

For all his cockiness, his mischievousness, his peculiar affinity with cats (ironic that they attended Nekoma), and his atrocious bed hair – she loved it all.

Of course, she'd never tell him.

She doesn't have the heart to.

Neither will she tell Kenma, being the perceptive boy he was.

Plus, she'd have to go against a throng of his admirers (who made up of about half of the female population, by the way). There was no way she had a chance. And besides, who was she to him but his ever dependable, timid and adorable best friend?

When he bought her a ukulele on her 16th birthday – he knew she had wanted to try to play it for the longest time, she knew that it was simply out of friendship.

For a while, she became the volleyball team's manager. And for a while, she was able to play it cool with her feelings. This was okay, she thought, its better like this.

"This is my best friend, (Last Name) (Name)." he says, wrapping his arms around her neck as he hugged her from behind, introducing her to two players from Fukurodani.

The shorter of the two – Akaashi Keiji, smiles. "Nice to meet you, (Last name)-san."

"Oh! She's so cute!" says the loud boy – Bokuto Koutarou. "Are you sure she's not your girlfriend?"

Tetsurou laughed, chin digging into her head. "I've known her forever, that'll be weird."

"Kuroo, you're hugging her too tight." Kenma says with a frown.

Best friend.

That's all she'll ever be to him.

    Like a river flows, surely to the sea

Darling, so it goes, this love was meant to be

   It was rare to find Tetsurou at his lowest since he was usually contented with whatever happened. But they lost, unable to secure a spot at nationals.

So when she found him all by himself at the gym, she knew he needed to be cheered up.

Taking her ukulele from her bag, she started playing. Tetsurou looked up just as she started singing. "You with the sad eyes don't be discouraged, oh I realize" she kneeled in front of him, watching him with careful eyes. "It's hard to take courage, in a world full of people; you can lose sight of it all, the darkness inside you, can make you feel so small."

She continued singing to him, feeling her heart beat faster with every line. It was so hard seeing this down, it was so unlike him. He rested his head on his folded arms, eyes closed as she sang. He always loved hearing her sing.

"And I see your true colors shining through," she wished her words reached him. "I see your true colors, and that's why I love you."

For a moment, she choked up. Not intending to say those words out loud, but they were part of the song, and the way she sang it with so much emotion that the look Tetsurou was giving her made her nervous. His golden eyes stared deep into her (eye color) – filled with so much emotion, but she focused on confusion, probably at why she had stopped.

Regaining her composure, she continued. "So don't be afraid to let them show, your true colors are beautiful like a rainbow."

Tetsurou cracked a smile, reaching out to ruffle her hair playfully. "When did you get so cheesy?"

"And when did you become this uncool?" she teased back, slapping his hand away. "Are you feeling better now?"

Sighing, he leaned his back against the wall, staring at the ceiling. "A little, but thanks for coming after me."

"It's not the end of the world," she tells him kindly. "and after all, there's next year. Right, captain?"

The look on his face was priceless – clearly not expecting that. But their senpai had already decided, Kai and Morisuke were on it too, as was Coach Nekomata – before it broke into a grin.

His grin was the biggest she's ever seen.

     Take my hand; take my whole life, too

'Cause I can't help, falling in love with you

  Tetsurou got mad at her, saying painful words to her face.

Furiously, he turned to face her. She took a step back in surprise, clutching her ukulele to her chest. Then her instrument slipped from her hand, landing on the ground with a loud crack. The words coming out from his mouth were hard to bear, and she could just stand there taking it all in.

He didn't mean it really, but the stress and frustrations were just getting to him. She knew that.

"You know nothing. I never want to see your face again." He seethed.

When all was said and done, he up and left.

It felt as though the life was sucked out of her. She couldn't feel anything, she felt too numb to move. It only came as a surprise that she was still there when she found herself sitting on the ground, rocks digging into her skin.

Picking up her ukulele from the ground, she was surprised to find that it was still in one piece. Except for the scratches on the surface, and crack on the rim of the saddle boards. Funny, they seemed like an allegory.

Despite it all, the pain in her heart and Tetsurou's harsh treatment towards her, she found herself smiling. Hot tears streamed down her face, teeth digging unto her lower lip as if to keep her sobs in.

But the pain of it all was too much, she was only human.

Hugging her instrument to her chest, she allowed herself to cry, sobbing loudly, body shaking violently as her heart broke into smithereens.

    She heard that they had made it to the semi-finals, being one of the top four schools, which shouldn't be a surprise. Actually, it was secondhand information from Kenma. Right after what happened with Tetsurou, she decided to cut ties with anything associated with him, which was basically everything – the volleyball club, Kenma.

It was something she had to – no, something she wanted to do.

No matter how much it killed her.

           "Hey, let's make a little bet. If I win, you go out on a date with me."

"And if I win?"

"You won't ever see me again."

          Gentle strums silenced out the lull machines, the dripping of liquids. Faint scents of flowers and fruits hid the overly sanitized room, with walls too white and dull.

"But I can't help," her voice was quiet, low, eyes transfixed to her fingers on each string on her ukulele. "falling in love," a lone tear slips down her face, though a smile graced her lips. "with you."

In front of her, the television displayed the live coverage of the nationals - Nekoma won against Fukorodani, and then lost to Karasuno.

She smiled, hugging her ukulele as tears slipped freely.

The memory of the bet they made when they were younger came to mind, making her smile. That was such a long time ago, Tetsurou probably forgot all about that just as he forgot all about her.

"Don't worry, you won."

Now you won't ever see me again.

          He was surprised when they came back to school, she wasn't there. She was the first person he looked for since she was absent during the whole finals match. But she wasn't anywhere to be found – not in the library, the music room, the club room.

He had a promise to keep, and an apology to make up.

So it came as a surprise to him when his classmates' expressions turned grim at the mention of her name. Some had begun to cry, some looked away, nothing was making sense.

But one word was clear to him – cancer.

He turned to his best friend, who met his gaze. For the first time in his life, he saw anger in those usually stoic eyes. He knew then that he knew, he always knew. There was also pain, pain for his best friend's condition. And for (Name)'s sake, he decided to keep his mouth shut.

Without a word, he ran, as fast as he can, ignoring the calls from his classmates, teachers, teammates. He had to get to her. He had to apologize; he didn't mean what he said. He wanted to see her, hold her, tell her he was stupid and an idiot-

           But he was already too late.

[mggpleasedontlookhere]

dandelions

request: if you vibe with it Spencer X Reader lowkey songfic for Dandelions by Ruth B. Spencer is recovering from Cat traumatizing him and the Reader is a baby tech analyst for the BAU. The Reader learns Spencer believes that he’ll never find true love, and so the Reader pretty much corners him in the techy bat cave and makes him dance with her (to the song). Ends with a semi established relationship and Reader let’s Spencer know she’ll love him when he’s ready. :) ❤️

so before we embark on this story, I just want to let you all know that i’m only up to season 4 of CM, but because of tik tok, i know most of the spoilers already, but i’ll try my absolute best

word count: 2,167                                                                                     reading time aprox: 8 mins

masterlist

It was a leisurely night at the BAU, the usual fleeting agents that roamed around the bullpen causing an uproar of commotion was replaced by a serene environment that was inhibited by a few individuals. It was around the time of the holidays meaning most of the agents had either went home to their loved ones or went to the bars to their loved ones, also known as 5-6 vodka shots with a beer on the side. 

The lights began to dim at the office indicating it was close to midnight. My eyes had accustomed to the sudden change of brightness due to the simple fact that Penelope’s office was just a technically advanced bat cave littered with eclectic trinkets from thrift shops. 

I could remember stepping into Penelope’s office expecting an immaculate high tech lair, only to discover a physical representation of Pen’s psyche splattered in all the crevices of the dark room. Apprenticing for Garcia had been the best decision I’ve made considering that my original disposition was to work in counter terrorism where there wasn’t an unorthodox and silly tech goddess. Not only that, but the BAU team had become more than family to me, taking into account that my biological family had abandoned me when I was young. 

I grew up with a developed resentment against love knowing that people will always abandon you in the end. Despite my childhood, ever since I’ve joined the team, all that contempt dissipated transforming into nothing but genuine love for the people around me.

And sometimes I held a little bit of extra love for definitive individuals. 

I was closing up a few files on Pen’s computer, rewriting the encryptions on her documents to secure her confidentiality when I peered out into the bullpen, a forlorn and solitary silhouette crouched into a seat came to view. The chair swaying side to side in combination with the lackluster lights made it particularly burdensome to identify the figure. The bullpen had emptied out, leaving the creature to it’s lonesome, adding to the ambiguity of the atmosphere. 

It was only when JJ approached the cryptic individual that it had clicked in my head. Spencer’s hair popped into view as JJ adjusted his desk lamp to give off more light. She had her bag and jacket hanging on her left arm signaling her departure from the office. She conversed with Spencer offering him a cup of coffee which he politely declined with a tight lipped smile. With this response, she patted his shoulder motherly and made her way to bureau’s glass doors. 

The sounds of the rubber stopper hitting the frame of the door indicated that JJ had completely left, leaving the bullpen with the inhabitants of me and Spencer. Although I don’t think he’s acknowledged my occupancy in Pen’s office as he let out a disgruntled sigh, dragging his hands over his perturbed visage. 

In the attempt to leave him to his aloofness, I resorted back to my tasks at hand on Pen’s computer, yet an almost incoherent sniffle echoed throughout the office, catching my ears off-guard. 

I reverted my attention to Spencer once again, watching him pull at his hair while briskly wiping away the dampness that had formed on his face. 

I felt a hefty tug at my heartstrings, feeling as if my chest cavity began to collapse in on it’s self. My esophagus congealed to the sounds of anguish that emitted past Spencer’s lips, feeling destitute as the boy became his own source of self reproach. 

My thoughts fought each other for the custody of my actions, contesting the ideas of soothing the boy or leaving him to his own. It was quite a delicate matter to approach considering the topics that had led him to spiral. 

Spencer Reid had only cared about one thing in the world: his mother and with the recent allegations with Cat Adams resurfacing, he’s been nothing but a ball of disquietude. His intelligence was the only wall that he’d build around himself that protected his unconscious mind from blemishing the utopian reality he had constructed in his conscious mind. It had been the barrier between his internal chaos and serendipity. 

Who knew one woman would be able to decimate the very thing he fabricated since his youth. 

After a few revelations, I became determined to release Spencer of the abhorrent thoughts his mind must of been swarmed in. Messing with bureau’s network, I connected to speakers that were planted in the bullpen that were utilized for broadcasts. 

I leaned over Penelope’s set up, grabbing the mic she hid behind her monitors and connected it wirelessly to the speaker. This ended up emitting a loud echo of feedback that resonated throughout the office, hence catching Spencer’s attention to the ceiling. He looked bewildered at the sudden blare, but settled down as the sound of my voice flooded the room. 

“Dr. Spencer Reid, please report to your nearest tech analyst. Again, Dr. Spencer Reid please report to your tech analyst” I announced, earning a wholesome smile from Spencer as he directed his attention to the office. He waved at me through the open door, chuckling while he stood up to press the wrinkles that had formed on his blazer. 

My heart swelled, growing exponentially vast as his demeanor changed to a more merry disposition. I could already feel the apprehensive twinges begin to appear at my wrists and the ever-growing grin plant itself on my lips. 

Once he arrived at the door frame, he let out an inaudible welcome as I grabbed an extra office chair for him to sit on.

“Long day?” I inquired, reclaiming my spot in my own chair. He leaned back on the spine of the seat, letting out a reluctant chuckle that held more gravity than he wanted to reveal. 

“You have no idea” He replied with a frigid smile. He fidgeted with the tips of his fingers while he gazed at the floor below him. 

“I was 14″ I stated, earning an inquisitive reaction from Spencer. “I was 14 when I decided to reject any form of aid, affection, or remorse from anyone who even came close to knowing me” I admitted, watching his face contort into vulnerability as if my words hit a weak spot in his barricade. “I told myself of the cold reality of the world and that no amount of consolation or love would change that”. I pulled my seat closer to Spencer, making our interaction a bit more intimate and fervent. “That wasn’t until I met you-” I confessed, now acquiring his full undivided regard. “-an-and the team. You guys proved me wrong and convinced me otherwise of my radical theories” I continued. 

I searched for empathy in his eyes, but was met with a distant and doleful gaze while he sucked in his lips as it began to quiver. He took in a sharp breath, maintaining a adamant composure. 

“Spencer, I know it’s been difficult and I’m sorry I can never understand the hardships you must be going through. But, I need you to realize that there are so many people who consider you one of the best parts of their lives” I professed, laying a tender palm on his knee. “That’s including me, you’ve been nothing but the best little genius I’ve had the privilege to be around, even with your constant rambling”. We both laughed at this statement, meeting each other’s gazes as if we were studying each other. “You need to let us in once and while. I don’t like seeing you get down on yourself for things that are normal to feel”

Spencer laid a warm hand on top of my own, squeezing it in acknowledgment before laying his head low once again. “I-i don’t think” He began, pausing in between his phrases to find the right words to articulate. “I don’t think I can ever find true love” He confided, running his fingers through the tangled bits of hair. “After Maeve, Cat, and now my mom, it seems like everything I ever try to love gets ripped out of my hands” He explained. 

With an idea in mind, I scooted away from him and to the computer that was still connected to the bureau’s sound system. I logged onto my Spotify account and began to play Dandelions by Ruth B. The mellow melody streamed throughout the entire room, engulfing the both of us in the beginning verse of the song. 

Maybe it's the way you say my name Maybe it's the way you play your game But it's so good, I've never known anybody like you But it's so good, I've never dreamed of nobody like you

“How about I get your mind off of it for a little while?” I offered, laying my hand out for him to grab. 

“No, no Y/N. I’m not much of a dancer” He dismissed, shaking his head. 

“Come on now doctor” I giggled, pulling at his fingers to join me. “You may not have a PhD in dance, but I’m pretty sure you can calculate the terminal velocity of how you drop that ass” I joked, intertwining our hands as he finally conceded to my antics. 

“Oh god Y/N, I’ll dance with you if you never say that again” He placed a supple hand on the indents of my waist while he centered his feet to match mine. 

After configuring himself, he looked down at me, really emphasizing the height difference between us. “Now was that so bad?” I teased, a toothy grin making it’s appearance on my face. The warmth that was radiating from the both of us made the small gesture more visceral, sending an irrefutable sensation of yearning throughout my entire body. 

Hopefully, it elicited the same feeling for him 

He took the lead, swaying us side to side while the chorus of the song saturated our eardrums, repositioning his hand to the small of my back. He exhaled a cumbersome sigh, lulling himself into my embrace.

Cause I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine And I see forever in your eyes I feel okay when I see you smile, smile

I felt every tap, fidget, or movement Spencer made on the soft skin of my spine to match the rhythm of the melody. My head found asylum in the crevice of his shoulder, letting my hair fall into place as we slow danced. At this moment, I felt reality shift around me at a turtle’s pace, time seemed to have completely marooned, and all I could fixate on was the shallow breaths Spencer would take. 

“Thank you...Y/N, it really does mean a lot” Spencer attested, making me raise my head to meet his hazel eyes. Looking into them was like swimming in a pool of milk and honey while the sunshine eradicated all the bad in the world. “I know I’m not one open up about things like this, but you’re right and you reminded me of that, so thank you” He placed a loving kiss on my forehead, lingering momentarily before retracting. 

“Spencer?” I spoke up

“Yes?”

“I know that you think that love may not be possible for you, but you’re forgetting that Rossi looks at you as if you were his own son, JJ basically thinks of you as her own brother, and I love you too”. I pushed a stray curl that fell in front of him face, caressing his cheek in the process of placing the hair back to where it belongs. “Just like energy, love can’t be destroyed, just transformed” I quoted, settling my hands behind his neck. 

“And you?” 

I hummed in inquisitiveness.

“What do you consider me as?”

I furrowed my eyebrows, beckoning him to continue as I was unable to fully comprehend what he was getting at. 

“You said Rossi thought of me as a son, JJ as a brother. So what do you consider me as?” He pressed, pulling me closer to his chest. 

I could practically feel his breath fanning over my face while a tinted blush blossomed on the apple of my cheeks. “I think that’s another conversation for another dance. Don’t you think?” I suggested in attempt to stray away from his prying. 

“So you’re going to pull me into another dance?” He grinned. 

“Possibly, if you’re up for it of course”

He shook his head chuckling, gently pushing me out, twirling me as he did before letting me rest on his chest. Silence drowned out the room as the song finally came to an end, yet we still stood in each other’s embrace to prolong the occasion 

“Spence, I know that you need time. But just know when you are ready, that I’ll be here for you” I confessed, looking directly in his eyes. 

“I’ll be here ready to love you whenever you’re ready to love yourself first”

I'm in a field of dandelions Wishing on every one that you'll be mine, mine

[purplesurveys]

1510

1) What’re your plans for the weekend? I’m in the middle of it, but I didn’t plan much. All I had booked was a dental x-ray appointment Saturday morning; but my dentist wasn’t too busy so he also got to treat the issue right then and there. Apart from that, I didn’t want to do anything else this weekend because it’s been raining hard anyway and it’s the perfect weather to stay in.

2) Could you ever be vegetarian - why or why not? No. I like the taste of meat too much to give it up, but more importantly there aren’t a lot of vegetarian/vegan-friendly resorces where I live, so it’ll be largely inaccessible and expensive if you need or want to have such a lifestyle.

3) Name a quote from your favourite TV show: I don’t memorize the entire quote but I will forever love the whole spiel of Walter White to Skyler where he says he’s the guy that knocks.

4) What time did you wake up this morning? I initially woke up at 7 AM but at the time I felt like shit since I turned in for bed only three hours earlier. The next time I woke up was an hour later when we had to start preparing for Sunday mass.

5) What chores do you do around the house? Wash dishes, do the mopping and sweeping, feed the dogs and clean up anything and everything that involves them, whether it’s their food bowls or play pen trays, or the dogs themselves.

6) Do you like windchimes, or do they annoy you? I don’t find them a necessity but they’re definitely calming to hear.

7) How much sleep do you usually get a night? Around 5-6. I’m back to sleeping at around 2 AM even on weekdays, but my body seems to be fine with it even if I do have work everyday.

8) If you could have any outfit, cost not an issue, what would you get? I’d get lots of cute dresses but also stock up on oversized fit shirts. My style is definitely all over the place these days hahaha.

9) Do you play any instruments? Nah.

10) What song would you say describes your life right now? Idk if there is anything. I never listen to songs because I find them relatable.

11) Do you have snacks lying around your room? Nah. There was a half-eaten bag of salted egg chips just last week but I already was able to finish it.

12) Did you get up to much today? If it’s morning, what are your plans? Hmm, I wouldn’t say so. I was on leave today which was mainly for watching Hobi’s Lollapalooza set with friends, then I went to a coffee shop...to watch the same set all over again 😂 To be fair the Weverse stream kept crashing so there were lots of bits that we missed, so. But apart from that and Jihope’s live, I made it a point to not be productive. I did have to squeeze in work occasionally because it just couldn’t be avoided, but overall it was a day for rest and recharging. 13) What’s your favourite animal to see in the zoo? I don’t really like going to zoos and it makes me feel bad inside when I do get to visit one. But if we’re talking safaris or like ecoparks where the animals are more in their natural habitat and are better taken care of, it always excites me to see animals I’ll usually only ever see in books, like the Philippine eagle or tarsier.

14) When do you start back to school or college? Are you excited or dreading it? I don’t have plans on pursuing postgrad studies.

15) What other social networking sites are you on? Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter. 16) What was the best year of your life? I wanna say 2014 and 2021 were loads of fun in their own ways. And would you look at that, a 7-year gap :) 17) What plans do you have for the rest of summer? Disregarding summer because we don’t have that ‘season,’ I don’t really make lots of big plans. I’ve been really focused on work and that’s all I want to do for now.

18) How old is the person you like right now? I don’t like anybody.

19) Do you get an allowance? How much? I’m 24 and have my own job hahaha, I haven’t gotten an allowance since I was in college and was able to physically attend classes, pre-pandemic.

20) What games console is your favourite? What about favourite game? I don’t play consoles anymore. These days my favorite game is just a mobile one lol it’s called In the Seom.

21) If you could go anywhere right now, where would it be and why? I recently read a fanfic where the author was able to describe in incredible detail what it’s like to be in a cabin in a really really remote location in New Zealand. I haven’t stopped thinking about the mental images that came from that and even ended up dreaming about it last night.

22) Do your parents nag you a lot? What about? Not so much these days since I’ve been able to tidy up as I’ve gotten older. The only things they nag me about are marriage and grandchildren...and I never really know how to respond to them when it comes up. I ultimately want both of these things for me too, but how am I supposed to tell them they nearly lost me from a breakup that went wrong in every possible way it could go wrong? There’s been lots of trauma from it that I don’t think I’ll ever be up to being in another relationship. 

Anyway, I just shut them down for now by saying that I’m focused on my career, which is true anyway. That’s usually good enough for them to back off til the next time they come back to nag me.

23) What is there on the walls of your room? Some Audrey Hepburn prints and a couple of BTS posters.

24) Is there anyone that just really annoys you? Slow drivers. 25) What are your plans for tomorrow, anything good? Just work. 26) If you could wake up tomorrow being able to do one thing perfectly, what would it be? Cook.

27) You have two wishes to make to help the world, and one can’t be “another wish” or anything similar. What wishes do you make? Continued from last night. Provide clean water for everyone, whether it’s for drinking or otherwise; and making public transportation not just free, but also modern and sustainable. 28) Do you reckon world peace is possible, or are we just too selfish? I don’t think it is. 29) Do you listen to Bright Eyes? Nope.

30) Are you interested in politics or do you just not care? I care way too much.

[espressokiri]

Uncomfortable Living

Kenma x GN!Reader

In which reader feels uncomfortable living with their aunt and uncle and Kenma decides to keep their mind away from it, even for a little while.

Warnings: none

Genre: fluff

“It’s not that I don’t like them, it just feels like I’m intruding and I honestly feel like I can’t be as comfortable as I would be if it were my own home.” (Y/n) confessed in a hushed tone, the paranoia of their aunt and uncle overhearing looming over them.

Studying abroad was nothing less than thrilling, but the living situation didn’t make (Y/n) happy. They wished to live alone or in dorms at the very least, it was really frustrating not being able to cook what they want and cater to their aunt and uncle’s lifestyle. It’s not that they didn’t love their family, they did, a lot, it’s just that they were brought up with different habits than the one they are being forced to follow through.

“I’m so tired of waking up early just so I can have time for myself without worrying about what they’re going to think if I’m in my room most of the time. That and it’s always too loud, you know how much I hate loud noises.” (Y/n) sighed on the phone, glad that they had Kenma by their side to keep them sane.

“Aren’t you saving to move out?” Kenma’s soft voice murmured through the phone, “I am, but you know that’s going to take a long time. I don’t know how much I can keep up with the fake persona.”

“You don’t have to be fake around them, y’know? They’re your family.”

“Well I wouldn’t be if they didn’t call my interests childish, I’m sorry I’m interested in comics and video-games.”

“They did what now?” Kenma felt bad for his significant other, he couldn’t fathom what it would be like to feel alienated by your own family. If it was an outsider he would’ve told them to ignore it and move on, but they were being alienated by their own family and he didn’t have any words to console them with.

“Yeah, I’m genuinely losing interest in some of the things I enjoy just because I keep getting put down about it. The other day I was excited that I finally watched the new Spider-Man movie and I told my aunt about it when she asked about my day and she straight up told me that it’s a kids movie!”

Kenma was flabbergasted, how cruel were they to just put down someone as excited like (Y/n)? Even if Kenma had no interests in movies like that, he would listen whole-heartedly to his significant other just to see that sparkle in their eye. You never put down someone that’s excited over something, unless they’re excited over murder or something gruesome that is.

“(Y/n)... Don’t let them ruin you like that, what you like has made you into who you are now. Don’t let them take that away from you.”

“I know but it’s hard when you have to hide your interests 24/7 when you’re with them, it also sucks that I have no one to geek out with.” (Y/n) pouted through the phone, the scar in their heart was deep. They hated seeking validation, let alone from their family.

“(Y/n) you have me, I’m always ready to hear you out, whatever you want to say. No matter what it is, I’ll always listen to you. Nothing you like is childish, you can’t put an age restriction on things, unless you’re a minor, which you’re not.”

Tears gathered at (Y/n)’s eyes, it’s been hard living abroad as it is, but being alienated by your family about the things you find comfort in has been making it even harsher. They were lucky to find Kenma in the raging storm of emotions, he was the eye of their hurricane, the calm in all the chaos around them.

“T-thank you, Kenma.”

Kenma’s eye’s widened hearing the hoarse voice on the other line, he knew they were about to cry. He felt frustrated that they were in that position and he wasn’t there to hold them.

“H-hey (Y/n)? You want to see how I decorated my new island? Maybe I can help you out with yours?”

(Y/n) perked up at the thought of playing Animal Crossing. It’s been a while since they touched their Switch console.

“That would be nice...”

Kenma inaudibly sighed in relief, if he could take their mind away from their reality even for a moment, he was happy to. 

Hearing their laughs through the phone as he hit Eloise the villager with his net multiple times made him smile, “why’re you being mean to Eloise?” (Y/n) laughed, “she’s so annoying.” Kenma deadpanned making (Y/n) giggle.

Even for a moment, if they forgot, it was enough to bring their spirits back up. Kenma was secretly thinking of ways to help (Y/n) move out, the thought of streaming popped up. It was a low effort kind of work and he wouldn’t have to interact with anyone unnecessarily, not that he wouldn’t do anything hard working for them. 

One day he’ll make sure to spoil (Y/n) with all their interests. 

[x--daughters-of-darkness--x]

Cristina Scabbia x Diablo: Inside metal and gaming’s most devilish crossover yet

Outstanding hack-and-slash remaster Diablo II: Resurrected isn’t just about polishing up the beloved original’s relentless fire and brimstone. In a striking collaboration with Lacuna Coil songstress Cristina Scabbia and bizarro YouTube star Mark The Hammer, it’s inspired the latest crossover between video games and heavy music, too…

When Cristina Scabbia first picked up the joypad, she had no idea she was steering herself onto a path that would still be throwing up juicy side-missions three decades down the line. A young teenager in northern Italy during the mid-’80s first generation video game boom, the future Lacuna Coil frontwoman didn’t have the spare cash for the cutting-edge equipment of the time, whose 128-colour palettes and blocky two-dimensional sprites felt utterly futuristic. When a local friend powered up David Crane’s 1982 masterpiece Pitfall! on their Atari 2600, however, it opened the doors to another world.

“I’ve been a gamer for quite a while,” her eyes light up at the memory. ​“I love video games. I love what you can learn from them. I love the stories they tell…”

Few games are as darkly compelling as Blizzard Entertainment’s legendary Diablo series. Bringing to life the dark fantasy realm of Sanctuary – a midpoint between the High Heavens and Burning Hells – its trio of classic titles chronicle the eternal conflict between mankind and the demonic legions led by Diablo, fearsome Destroyer Of Souls. When David Brevik’s original landed in 1996, it was a literal game-changer for the industry, raising the bar in terms of depth and detail, storytelling and character-building. 2000’s Diablo II raised it again, still revered by hardcore gamers as the greatest action-RPG of all, while 2012’s Diablo III brought the franchise into the modern era.

Fittingly, it’s against that shadowy backdrop that Cristina joins us today, to discuss Start Again, her musical collaboration with the minds behind thrilling 3D, HD remaster Diablo II: Resurrected.

Speaking from her high-backed gaming chair in front of an impressive PC set-up this morning, she looks ready for battle. A laid-back, dressed-down counterpart to her imposing onstage alter-ego, she is surrounded by stacks of proudly-displayed paraphernalia, from a plushie of Gremlins’ Gizmo and photos of her band, to figurines of her favourite virtual characters, spare controllers, and the ubiquitous energy drink refrigerator.

Anyone familiar with Cristina’s Twitch streams wondering if this might be a carefully-arranged studio space should think again. ​“It’s actually part of my living room,” she laughs. ​“There’s this big table that was supposed to be for dinners with friends, but as we would go out to eat instead, I decided to use it for something that I like, and filled it with computers, monitors and consoles.

“It’s where I play. It’s where I stream from. It’s the safe space.”

Diablo’s heroes work best when joining forces, and 30 minutes further north, in the town of Saronno, we meet Marco Arata – AKA YouTube sensation Mark The Hammer – Cristina’s collaborator on Start Again, and a playful like mind. ​“I was three years old when I first played on a Game Boy,” he smiles into the light of a bank of monitors, ​“and I never stopped.”

For readers not in the know, Mark is the uber-talented multi-instrumentalist who’s gained a reputation for uploading incisive, tongue-in-cheek videos to YouTube like Irritating Guitar Lessons and How To Create A Black Metal Song… Without Any Talent. Learning piano aged eight, he quickly graduated to electric guitar, bass and drums. He’s since been picked up as the live guitarist/keyboardist for Italian pop-hip-hop icon J‑Ax. The main Mark The Hammer YouTube channel has more than half a million subscribers, while its English-language alternative boasts close to 100,000.

Both accomplished, analytical, artistic minds, it feels key to Start Again’s success that the duo see gaming as a chance to switch off – less interested in graphics and game engines than narrative drive and world-building.

“Whenever you listen to a song as a musician, you have your brain working, thinking about what exactly is going on,” explains Mark. ​“I’m a big fan of acting and drama, too, and the same thing applies when you watch a movie. But when you pick up that game pad, you’re able to relax and [switch that part of your brain off]. It’s the only thing in my life that I can really say is completely relaxing.”

“I know that some people prefer creating groups or being part of a competition,” agrees Cristina, noting that Diablo, in particular, fits her play style ​“but I’m more of a selfish, solitary player. I don’t want to feel that competition while I play. I want to be able to relax and do things at my own pace, to have my own rhythm. I don’t necessarily think of games as an escape. For me, it’s a different world that I want to be part of, [parallel to] the real world. It’s not that I want to [run away and] live in the video game world. But when I’m playing, I want to stay there, I want to focus on what’s happening – I want to absorb all the vibes. It’s not just something that you’re watching: you’re part of it. You can choose your character. You can increase your power. You can pick your path and select your sides.

“There are things about this world that non-gamers could never really understand…”

Like all the best quests, it began with a message from out of the blue. Mark recalls the sense of absurdity, watching an email drop into his inbox that he couldn’t quite believe was real. “I remember opening the message and seeing that it was an opportunity to write [a song inspired by Diablo II] for the release of Diablo II: Resurrected. Oh, yeah, and you’ll have Cristina Scabbia from Lacuna Coil doing vocals. I was just like ‘What?!’”

Having dropped video game soundtrack cover albums Hammer Games Vols 1 and 0 in 2015 and 2016 respectively, Mark had pedigree in the field, but he struggled to comprehend the opportunity for such a high-profile collaboration.

“This is the game that I bought as a 14-year-old when it first came out back in the year 2000,” he fishes out his original CD-ROM jewel case for an unsubtle flex, ​“and you’re asking me to write an official song to go with it? That in itself is mind-blowing. But to be able to do that with the greatest singer in Italian metal?! I thought it was some sort of strange spam at first. When I realised that it wasn’t, it became amazing on so many levels.”

Not a huge fan of YouTube (nor, presumably, of the hack-and-slash sub-genre), Cristina’s manager didn’t quite know what to make of the invitation. Fortunately, having followed one of Lacuna Coil’s old guitarists through a laptop screen and into Sanctuary all those years ago, and already a fan of Mark’s videos, she didn’t take much convincing.

“I was just like, ​‘Mark The Hammer? I follow him!’” she grins. ​“Then, when they told me the project was to write a song for Diablo II: Resurrected, I immediately said yes. If you look back at interviews that I did years ago, whenever they asked me what dream I had or what is missing from my body of work, I’ve always said that I’d like to write something for a video game. When this came along, it was like, ​‘Hello…’”

Cristina admits that she struggled with writer’s block over lockdown. Having watched her native Italy become one of the first countries crippled by the spread of COVID-19, she was unwilling to create music with the power to transport her back to those most troubled of times. Compared to the glacial pace of the music industry over the last 18 months, however, dropping in at crunch time in a massive game’s release schedule came as an invigorating change of pace. The first message exchanged between Cristina and Mark was on August 23, with the song due online to coincide with Diablo II: Resurrected’s launch exactly a month later.

“When you have a deadline, it can either throw you down or really speed everything up and add an excitement,” Cristina muses. ​“For us, it was definitely the latter. We were perhaps a little bit tense about not knowing each other. Any time you’re working with someone new, you ask yourself these questions: ​‘Is he going to be nice? Is he going to be an asshole? Is he going to have the same ideas that I have? The same creativity? The same speed?’

“As soon as we started to text, though, I realised that Mark was really relaxed, really funny. He’s like me. We would send and receive messages in the middle of the night, and get immediate replies. It was like we’d opened the floodgates on an ocean of ideas.”

A high level of fandom was pivotal. Diablo’s angels and monsters – Greater and Lesser Evils – seem like characters lifted from metal album covers to begin with, and the chaotic action that spills from the streets of Tristram and the slopes of Mount Arreat that go down into the depths of Hell could hardly be better suited to metalheads who’re never happier than when throwing down in the pit. Cristina and Mark’s preferred player classes – Sorceress and Barbarian, respectively – even mirror their onstage personas. To simply phone in the sort of crowd-pleasing banger either of these musicians could write in their sleep would be to do the project a deep disservice.

Cristina reckons that if Diablo were a band, it would be either Judas Priest – all OTT outfits, pointy edges and demonic imagery – or Rammstein, spewing sheer pyrotechnic bombast. Mark contends that the larger-than-life, battle-obsessed aesthetic of Iron Maiden might be a better match, pointing out that many of the most monstrous iterations of Ed The Head wouldn’t look out of place in its deepest dungeons. We’d argue that the ominous, folky atmospherics of peak Opeth even more closely evoke the playing experience, echoing Matt Uleman’s iconic original score.

In the same way that Diablo II: Resurrected marks an upgrade for players in 2021 while maintaining the original’s dark heart – dynamic lighting, three-dimensional rendering and high-definition presentation bringing the action sharply up to date – this song needed to pay respect while still packing enough heft to make an impact on metal fans in 2021.

“Diablo is such an iconic game,” nods Mark. ​“I knew the original score. I knew the original atmosphere. I knew where it had to go, more or less. But it was a challenge to make something new while paying respect to the original. There were parts where I wasn’t sure where I was going, but as soon as Cristina got really into the project and added her vocals, it felt like everything [clicked].”

“Mark’s involvement was crucial,” Cristina presses. ​“Looking at that original soundtrack, I was thinking, ​‘This is such a classic – it’s so iconic – but it’s not singable.’ It felt like putting a voice over the top would ruin it. But as soon as I heard the music that Mark had written, it changed everything. He made it singable. He created so many different parts, that offered so many different scenes, so many different moods. There are atmospheric parts, but there are also heavier parts. It’s like a journey, from beginning to end…”

Part sweeping re-score, part fan’s perspective love letter, part limb-swinging metal banger, the finished track feels like a striking bridge between worlds. Is the aim for fans who’ve yet to discover the pleasures of metal or gaming to be able to walk across it?

“The worlds of metal and gaming have always been strongly connected,” reckons Cristina, highlighting the fact that they’re both tightly-knit outsider communities fascinated by the dark and fantastical, which can appear intimidating to outsiders looking in. Although she and Mark will happily welcome new fans, the main priority was to write a great song, hopefully tightening the bond between communities that already exists. ​“It’s a lifestyle,” she gestures. ​“If you see a metalhead, there’s a strong chance you’ll be able to talk about games – or vice-versa.”

Indeed, the lines have increasingly blurred over the last couple of decades. Countless rockers found their way into the world via the legendary Tony Hawk’s Pro Skater soundtracks. The Guitar Hero franchise brought songs as unusual DragonForce​’s Through The Fire And The Flames, Lamb Of God​’s Laid To Rest and Slayer​’s Raining Blood – not to forget Lacuna Coil’s Closer – into the non-metalhead sphere. Celebrities as high profile as Tenacious D​’s Jack Black have spearheaded their own digital-metal crossovers, while Avenged Sevenfold​’s M. Shadows cropped up as a playable character in Call Of Duty: Black Ops 4. Gamers have even increasingly taken to wearing branded T‑shirts a la those of their favourite bands, enabling them to recognise each other on the street.

On the other side of the coin, bleeding-edge artists like The Armed, Refused and Run The Jewels have recently been inspired to write specifically for games. Svalbard​’s Serena Cherry just started a one-woman black metal side-project called Noctule, dedicated to her favourite epic RPG. Hell, Cristina even tells us that pounding compositions by djent-influenced video game soundtrack maestro Mick Gordon are amongst the most listened on her personal playlist.

It’s down to a change in perspective, Cristina reckons, where intelligent eye for detail is now considered every bit as cool as a debauched hell-raiser attitude. Games’ intricate storytelling and epic design are recognised as on par with the finest parts of cinema, and e‑sports competitions regularly boast larger prize pots than those of their athletic counterparts.

“I was always part of the nerd world,” she says, with more than a hint of vindication. ​“A few years ago, it felt like it was almost something to be ashamed of to admit that you’re a nerd, as if you had this weird, ridiculous aura. But now, everybody – all these people who were never interested – seem to want to be involved in this world. I [sometimes think], ​‘Nah, you need to prove you’re really into it…’”

She’s not kidding. As if that massive cache of gaming equipment – from the original PlayStation to countless Game Boys and computer components – wasn’t proof enough, Cristina has even appeared as playable character The Shadow Sorceress in Iron Maiden’s ever-evolving Legacy Of The Beast mobile game. ​“It was such an honour, such a pleasure to create my own character and give all the directions for the outfit, which was basically the outfit I was wearing on the last Lacuna Coil tour before lockdown,” she grins.

Going even geekier, Lacuna Coil also just launched their own Horns Up tabletop card game, where players must fight their way to the front of the stage. ​“It’s something we’re all really interested in, but particularly our bassist Maki [Coti Zelati],” Cristina continues. ​“Every card is related to metal clichés. We even gave our fans the opportunity to see themselves on one of the cards…”

Although Lacuna Coil maintained their high-drama presence with September 2020’s Black Anima: Live From The Apocalypse stream and June 2021’s live album of the same name, Cristina was keen to use the time off to introduce fans to her character away from the band, emboldened to set up her own channel on Twitch.

“I just wanted to learn new things which could enrich my baggage of knowledge,” she enthuses. ​“I’m already singing, already writing, but I don’t want to fixate on those. Life is made up of so many different things that can enrich my music and my creativity. I was already a Twitch user, watching other people play games, but I didn’t know what my purpose was. I almost felt scared at first. I am a singer. I am somehow an entertainer. I like to talk, which is clear. But it’s different when you’re talking to a lot of people for a couple of hours – or more!

“Eventually, I decided to keep it as informal as I could so that people could see how Cristina is at home. Cristina isn’t just the singer of Lacuna Coil: I have a house, I have a life, I have passions, I have my own personality. I just wanted people to discover that. Luckily they also like this quirky side of me, which feels like the opposite that dark goth lady that so many people know. As much as I didn’t have purpose in the beginning, there’s now such a strong community every time I go online – such a clean place to exchange good vibes!”

Even the persistent undertones of sexism and misogyny that have plagued gaming, she pushes, are a speed bump to be put in the rearview, comparable to what she experienced when first making her name in heavy music.

“In metal, I encountered the same problem,” she explains, bluntly. “[Women becoming a major presence in the community] was something new, and when something is new, people have suspicions and doubts. They don’t know how to deal with it. But there are a lot of female gamers now, and a lot of females in metal. It’s been normalised, which it should be, because games and metal are for everyone.”

As the world comes back up to speed, hectic schedules mean that attention is turning away from screens, and back towards studio and stage. Mark is churning out more and more top-class YouTube content. Cristina has a packed diary, with a tribute concert for late collaborator Franco Battiato at the spectacular Arena di Verona this week, and another secretive collaboration in the works, not to mention writing for Lacuna Coil’s 10th LP, which has just begun – her creative fires reignited by bringing Start Again to life.

Having dipped toes in the video game world, though, they’re both keen to return.

“I really hope we do,” Cristina says. ​“As a fan of video games, it’s such a great chance to bring together these different passions in your life. There are so many different things I’d like to do, and places I’d like to explore in this world, but time is limited!”

“I loved the challenge here, and the process of collaboration,” nods Mark. ​“If we could work together again when it comes time to make Diablo IV, that would be amazing. I’d love the opportunity to have my own playable character in an Iron Maiden video game, too, but I’m not sure that’s achievable!”

“I thought the same thing,” grins Cristina, ever adventurous, as we wave farewell. ​“Never say never!”

Diablo II: Resurrected is out now on Nintendo Switch, PS4, PS5, Xbox One, Xbox X/S and PC.

[ryqoshay]

Promptober-2021: Happy Life: Let’s Rock!

Primary Pairing: YohaRiko Words: 624 Rating: G AU: Angelic? Prompt: Thunderbolt Parent Fic: Happy Life Time Frame: Late college? Young adult, post college?

----------

Author’s Note: A fourth entry for Oct 6th’s prompt that I wrote on my lunch break at work and managed to post to the Discord server before the next prompt was revealed.

Summary: Mari has a treat for YohaRiko

----------

Riko startled as an unexpected knock sounded at the door. The movement disturbed both Prelude and Phobetor curled up in her lap, kitten atop pup.

“Sorry, you two.” Riko apologized to her pets as she coaxed them off so she could get up. “Coming!” She called toward the entryway.

“<Happy Halloween!>” a voice cried in English as soon as the door opened.

“Ah, Mari, welcome.” Riko said, having long since become used to her former subgroup member’s unannounced arrivals. “Do you need help carrying any of that?”

“<Yes! Please!>” Did she switch to Italian?

“What is all this?” Riko asked, accepting a sizable box.

“<Trick or Treat!>” Back to English, apparently. “Except no trick, I’m just bringing treats!” And now Japanese. Geez…

“Oh, the door’s open.” Another voice commented. “I’m home, Riri. Hey, Mari. Did we get a delivery or something?”

“Come, Yoshiko!” Mari said, moving into the apartment. “Let’s get this all set up!”

Yoshiko and Riko exchanged confused glances before greeting each other with a hug and kiss. Finally, they all gathered in the living room were Mari was already unboxing stuff.

“Is this…” Yoshiko breathed. “The new Rock Band game?”

“Good eye!” Mari replied. “Papa doesn’t want me playing in the hotel, and I don’t have anyone to play with there anyway. So, I thought I’d come here!”

“Thank you for thinking of us, Mari!” Yoshiko cheered, practically diving into a second box. “I’ve only ever been able to play these games at conventions and such.”

“Uhm, what kind of game is it?” Riko asked.

Yoshiko immediately burst into an excited explanation, of which Riko really only caught about half. But it was music and rhythm based, so that alone intrigued Riko.

“I wonder if they have that song Thunderbolt.” Yoshiko pondered as cords were being connected.

“You mean Thunderstruck?” Mari corrected. “By AC/DC? Yeah, they do. No way they’d leave out a classic rock song like that.”

“Ooo… let’s play that one first.”

“Of course!”

“Hrm…” Riko observed the faux instruments. “No keyboard…”

“Riri has good rhythm, so maybe she can play drums?” Yoshiko suggested.

“And we can all take turns singing.” Mari proposed. “Though I did bring extra microphones for Harmony mode. Do you want lead or bass, Yoshiko?”

“Either.” Yoshiko shrugged. “We can switch between songs, just like singing?”

“Alright!” Mari agreed. “<Power On!>” She announced, turning on Yoshiko’s console.

Riko couldn’t help smiling as she watched her two friends hype themselves up as the game booted. Truth be told, though nervous about her skills with a drum set, she couldn’t deny that she was also excited to play a music game with her friends.

Mari navigated through the menus and selected their first song.

“<Heaven or Hell>” Yoshiko intoned in English “<Let’s Rock!>”

Mari giggled. “<Let’s Rock!>” She repeated in kind.

Isnt’t that line from the fighting game Yocchan has me to play on stream with her sometimes? Surly, they didn’t use it in this game as well… Oh, shoot, it’s starting!

Riko almost missed the first notes as they scrolled down the screen. She had a surprisingly long intro by herself before Mari joined in on guitar and both other girls began the vocals. The song built up on itself and by the time Yoshiko came in on bass, Riko was fully caught up in the energy of a song she had never heard but couldn’t deny its power.

Riko’s heart was pounding by the time the song came to an end.

“Hee, Riri did good for her first round.” Yoshiko grinned at her.

“Thank you, that was actually a lot of fun.” Riko admitted.

“<Freebird!>” Mari called, having made the selection while the other two talked.

And with that, the three began the next song.

----------

Author’s Note Continued: It’s established canon that Yohane loves games and that Mari loves rock and metal. Granted, in the anime, Yohane was worn out by Mari’s musical preferences, but I imagine after spending enough time with her in Guilty Kiss, she would warm up to the genre.

Anyway, credit where it’s due, I was reading ficlets from two other users on the server, mireia and Benjamin, and was inspired to write something involving gaming and happy YohaRiko. Thus, this ficlet.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #347

“lay your head down, child  /  i won’t let the bogeyman come  /  count the bodies like sheep to the rhythm of the war drums”

Have you ever watched a whole hour long infomercial? Ha, Girt and I have one day when he was hanging out. It was about a vacuum, to be precise. Do you tend to cave into peer pressure? No. Do you think it's attractive for a man to wear eyeliner? Yeah. Are you listening to music currently? Yeah, it's this version of Manson's "Lunchbox" that I hadn't heard before. Have you ever done something you once thought you'd be too chicken to do? Yeah, like going on this one ride at a fair. Y'know, the kind that slowly brings you way up and abruptly drops you. What's your relationship to the child you’re around most? They're my nieces and nephew. Have you ever had an illegal substance in your blood stream? No. What is the worst thing that has ever happened to your hair? More than once, back when I had long hair, it would get so knotted from neglect that I'd brush out just... giant clumps of hair. The joys of depression, right? It's honestly part of the reason I cut it all off, and it's something I seriously recommend for people who struggle with brushing their hair. What do you think about cats? I adore them. Who do you want with you when you're afraid? Absolutely my mom. Who might as well just be your sibling? Ha, Sara. We're just so remarkably similar, and even when we first met in person, we clicked like it was nothing. Would you ever consider working for the government? No; I'm not working with corrupt, lying motherfuckers. What is the weirdest thing you have ever witnessed a sibling doing? Well, your sister "sleepwalking" or whatever she was actually doing and grabbing a knife she'd hidden under her mattress to creep towards her then-boyfriend was beyond just "weird." Your first best friend's name? Brianna. How do you act when you're uncomfortable? "Anxious, impatient, and fidgety." <<<< Same. It's very obvious I want to get out of the situation. What bug would you like to be extinct? Do wasps do like... anything for the environment? I don't want to give a definite answer here that ends up being ignorant, because I appreciate bugs that are even just a regular food source for more vital creatures like spiders, but I don't know a damn thing wasps do that are beneficial. They just kill bees, from what I know. Do you know anyone other than a cop who has ever owned a cop car? No. Have you ever felt fire? I mean, I've never directly touched fire, no. What would you do if your first love asked you back out? I REALLY DON'T WANT TO PICTURE THIS. Do you know anyone that is a lesbian? Yeah. What are your thoughts on roleplaying games? I think they're fun. Do you want to have a bachelor/bachelorette party before you get married? So, true story, I don't even know what those entail exactly. But considering how few friends I have, I probably wouldn't. Ever been texted by mistake and played along & acted like you knew them? No. Would you ever get a name tattooed on you? Noooo sir. Do your parents dress like they’re years younger? Does it gross you out? They don't, but it wouldn't gross me out...? They can dress however they damn well please. Obsession from childhood? Dinosaurs and Spyro probably top the list. Favorite activity to do in warm weather? Just swim, really. I hate warm weather. Favorite activity to do in cold weather? If there's snow, take pictures. If it's just cold, then I like to just stay inside and bundle up in bed. Five songs to describe you? I don't know five, but I know a few I resonate with: "Get Up" by Mother Mother, "That's What You Get" by Paramore, uhhh then idk. Best way for someone to bond with you? Hm. Probably just like... talk about life, like our stories and things we've been through, both good and bad. Just being mutually vulnerable makes me feel connected to people. I like bonding via music, too, and I find it pretty exciting to share songs and, once again, go deeper and share what they mean to you, etc. etc. In summary, I just like getting to know a person at their core. What is the first meme you remember seeing? Hell if I know. Lemonade or tea? Lemonade, by a landslide. Sci-fi, fantasy, or superheroes? Fantasy. Favorite type of cheese? American. If you were a video game character, what would your catchphrase be? I relate very deeply to Henry Townshend from SH4 with saying "what the hell?" about literally everything. If you were an anime character, what genre of anime would it be? I'unno. Character you relate to? Since watching a playthrough of the game the first time, I've related to Max Caulfield from Life is Strange very deeply. An awkward photographer that cares a lot for people. Favorite website from your childhood? Webkinz. Least favorite flavor of food or drink? Grape, usually. Or orange. Favorite potato food? French fries. PC or console gaming? I prefer console games. Writing or drawing? Shit man, why you gotta make me choose? I feel much more satisfaction after drawing something I'm proud of, but I write way more. Who would you put before everyone else? My mom. How many phone numbers do you have memorized? Literally none. Do you get motion sickness? No. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Have you ever bailed a friend out of jail? No. Have you ever won anything from a radio station? No. What do you do when you go to the beach? Swim for a while and then sit under the tent or whatever we brought and think about how ready I am to go home and get out of the heat. How many pillows are on your bed? Two. Do you like pickles? Yeah. Do you like camping? I've never been *legit* camping; Dad would just sometimes set up the tent in the yard and he and my sisters and I would sleep out there. I LOVED that as a kiddo. I think I'd enjoy like, one night of actual camping, so long as I have my camera and phone. My technology dependence would probably get me by Day #2, lol. Have you ever ridden a motorcycle? No, and I don't plan to. Wrecking in one of those can fuck you the hell up. Even with a helmet, just honestly, it seems... pretty stupid to put yourself at THAT incredible a risk. Have you ever had plastic surgery? No. Were you ever sent to the principal’s office as a kid? I don't think so... but maybe once? I have this super faint memory of being in the office, but maybe I was bringing them something from my teacher? That sounds about right. Have you ever used a slingshot? No. Have you ever driven an electric car? No. Do you live in an area that is prone to tornadoes? They happen here, but I wouldn't say we're "prone" to them. We get tornado watches/warnings a lot when we have summer storms, but it's seldom they actually occur, and it's even rarer for them to be noteworthy at all. What breed was the last dog you saw? One of our neighbors has a German Shepherd she walks a lot. How long have your parents been together (or how long were they together, if they no longer are): I wanna say around or over 20 years? I don't know. What 5 words best describe your mother’s personality? Loving, welcoming, resilient, selfless, and strong. Do you know any transgender people? Yes. Have you ever had a parrot sit on your shoulder? No, but that'd be cool. In the morning, do you eat breakfast first or brush your teeth first? I eat first. What’s something you’ve been struggling with lately? A number of things, but my weight's the real problem right now. All the weight loss progress I once made has almost been entirely erased... and I'm extremely, extremely upset about it. I'd rather move onto the next question than elaborate on this bullshit. Do you carry condoms? No, I don't have a reason to. Would you date someone with braces? Yes. Do you think people look up to you? God no. How often do you have trouble sleeping at night? Pretty much every night. Any vacations planned? No. We've never been able to afford vacations. Who were you last in a car with? My mom. Did you ever watch Sailor Moon? Yeah. My older sister was ooooobsessed. She even had the little toy wand and would dance to the theme when it came on. What do you want for Christmas? Well, it's rather early to think of that, but if I had to pull out an answer right now, it'd probably be either Venus' new terrarium (if I don't already have it) or supplies for it. If by some miracle I've been able to get everything I wanted for it by then, I would seriously love a hognose snake. If you had to get glasses would you wear contacts? I've worn glasses for many years, and I can live with it. I'd prefer contacts so I can get an undereye dermal piercing, but they're just too tedious for me. Best party you’ve ever been to? Maybe a big party my friend Summer had for one of her birthdays many years ago. We played lots of games like darts and stuff while listening to good music and just hanging out. Have you ever been surfing? I have not. Are you thinking about asking anyone out? No. Pink lemonade or regular lemonade? Pink. Chocolate or strawberry milk? Chocolate, for sure. I hate strawberry milk. Are you subscribed to a lot of channels on YouTube? Oh yes. Do you wish you had a better phone? Yeah. I mean, my phone is fine, but I particularly dislike the poor camera quality. Do you find texting fun? I'm officially becoming an old woman in that I don't really like texting anymore, but only because I make way too many typos. I would much rather type via an actual keyboard. Do you have any friends who have had twins? No. Do you have any past mistakes you’ve made that haunt you every day? Yes. Seriously. Are you bothered by something someone said to you years ago? Things especially Bryar and Colleen have said to me are probably going to die with me.

[sulsulellison]

Hı uh this is kinda an emergency req. Can i get oikawa,akaashi kenma and bokuto comfort with an s/o who feels really unloved at their home.

i tried to get this done quickly, so i do hope you like it. also if you are going through something like this, i do send my prayers and i do hope that it gets better. 

happy thanksgiving to those who celebrate and luv you all

i wanted each to be vague but also relatable, so they are short but i did try to add some detail  (i will also be reuploading this with hashtags)

 Oikawa:

since oikawa is someone portrayed/headcanoned as touch starved, i believe he would be up for physical comforts, like cuddles, to console his s/o

though, sadly like the others, this is the only effect that he’s tried

but it’s still a good thing

he’s someone that would try new ways but always stuck with physical affection

oikawa still remembers the first time you came to his house starved of unmistakeable love but also a nice home-made meal

at the time you went over, it was only oikawa and his mother present; they were yet to eat diner, and ms. toru was glad to add another plate to the table

as you both waited for the food, a classic western movie was being played on the tv and cuddled with oikawa

then about 22 minutes, ms. toru called both of you in to make the table and soon eat

during diner, all of you were able to have a lively conversation that wasn’t demanding of personal answers or long explanations it was a non-anxiety causing environment

as time went, so did the craving need for love, which was filled with a certain warmth that was similar to eating your favorite food after a long and stressful day of work

Akaashi:

having to deal with bokuto has drained akaashi over time but has also helped him be able to tell when you need reassurance the most

his own personal way to help you is to make it seem like he’s not actually trying to comfort you, like just asking to go to the library or a cafe near the school

he does that because it doesn’t bring attention to it and also implies that he will do it at anytime

when going to study, he always brings small snacks that he hid in his bag along with a slightly too big hoodie

but over time he did start to realize that maybe it would be more comforting to also go to different places that were more private and weren’t overly filled with clique conversations between passing families

as an attempt to make you feel better, he bought you a stuffed animal toy he saw in a shop window that caught his eye and an old t-shirt that he had put on the toy

It wasn’t a big gesture and probably wasn’t that helpful but he only hoped that it would make you feel loved in any sort of way

Kenma:

obviously, kenma would try to use gaming as a sort of excuse to try and comfort you but he has reason

kenma had grown up with kuroo try to comfort him and using different games as a way to help him,

so since kenma found it helpful and enjoyable, he tries to use that method for when your feeling like you effection bar is low

but he really likes it when you initiate it since he doesn’t want to bug you with gaming

kenma is definitely the one that won’t immediately start talking to you about your family life

but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t want to talk about it, he just doesn’t want to pry into things

and he believes that to make you feel better he simply just needs to hold your hand as he games on stream or when sitting in bed

he’s a simple man

Bokuto:

since bokuto is bokuto, he really likes to just energize everything

he would invite you over each weekend to hangout with his family and play multiple games

you’ve gone over atleast four times by now and each time mrs. bokuto tries to comfort you with a mothers love

and due to kotaro’s sisters having the same energy as him, theres never a moment where you don’t feel the chaotic warmth

but at the end of the night, after all the competitive games, what makes it better is when both you and kotaro go outside and walk to a nearby park that is also close to your house

bokutos contribution to comforting you is letting you sit on his lap and vent things out to him; he likes hearing your voice but also the fact that youre able to confine in him

It honestly comforts him too

then after youve felt better or whenit starts to get really late, he walks you back to your house and makes sure you get a light snack and shower before leaving to go back to his house

insta: @sul_sul_ellison

[voyager-into-the-unknown]

The Dumb One

By PlanceGardener21 on AO3

Lance allowed Red to fly on autopilot as the Paladins soared through the void on their long journey home. He leaned back in his pilot’s chair, listening to his teammates’ comm chatter, but saying nothing. Allura was having a discussion with Pidge and Hunk about quintessence conversion efficiency and the necessity of allowing the lions to recharge. They would have to find a habitable planet to land on soon. Keith and Allura had some ideas about which one would be suitable for their needs. Pidge made some quick calculations which she sent to Black Lion, and Keith adjusted their route towards Earth, which they apparently weren’t going to reach anytime in the near future.

Lance sighed. What could he contribute to this conversation anyway? It was like they had forgotten he was even there. He thought about their recent encounter with the mysterious alien entity known to them only as Bob. The dumb one, Lance thought. That’s what he called me, and that’s who I am. Everyone seems to agree on that. He closed his eyes. He just wanted this war to be over. He missed Earth. He missed his family. He could feel the moisture welling up beneath his eyelids. He just wanted to go home.

“Lance!” Hunk practically shouted over his comm. “Are you with us, buddy? You’ve been really quiet lately.”

“Sorry. I must have been napping for awhile.”

“Are you sure you’re awake back there?” Keith asked. Red, the normally the fastest of the lions, had drifted to the rear of their formation.

“Keep up, Lonce,” Allura chided. “You don’t want to get left behind.” After all this time she still pronounced his name incorrectly. At first he thought it was cute, but now it was beginning to get on his nerves every time she said it. Lance pulled a face that he was glad the princess could not see.

That’s just great, he thought. Now, I’m the slow one, too.

“Lance?” Pidge’s voice was more gentle than usual for some reason. “Would you like to play Killbot in tandem with me? It would be a great way to pass the time.”

“How can I play when I’m over here? The game console is with you, Pidge.”

“I’ve downloaded the game’s code into one of Green’s auxiliary computers. I can send a copy of the program to one of Red’s auxiliaries and broadcast a signal link that will allow us to play together in real time. It’ll be fun.”

Lance was impressed. “That must have been a lot of work for you. Why did you go to so much trouble?”

Pidge hesitated. “Well...you did go through a lot to help me get the game in the first place. And even though it’s fun to play alone, I’ve always thought that it’s even more fun to play Killbot with you.”

Lance smiled crookedly in spite of the gloomy mood he had been in a few moments before. “Well, what are you waiting for? Send me the program!” He then grinned broadly in anticipation of another gaming session with Pidge. Somehow, She managed to bring him out of his foul mood with just a few words. He noticed that she did that a lot lately.

“Ugh, can you two put all of your gaming talk on a private channel.” Allura sounded annoyed.

“Will do!” Pidge replied cheerfully. There was a brief burst of static, and then he heard Pidge’s voice on a different channel. “Lance, you there?” He activated his viewscreen.

“Your favorite Paladin’s right here, Pidgey,” he said with a smirk while pointing finger guns at her. “I’m cuter than a yelmor, and I smell better than one too!” He really didn’t know what made him say that, but it made her giggle, so it must have been the right thing to say. It may have been his imagination, but he could have sworn that Pidge blushed a little as she smiled at him.

She typed quickly, then pressed a button. “Sending now. Let me know when it’s finished downloading to your auxiliary terminal. It will take several minutes.”

“Thanks for doing all this for me, Pidge. I really missed gaming with you.”

“l missed you too,” Pidge declared absentmindedly as she studied one of her data screens. “And it was the least I could do for you after what happened on board the pirate ship.”

“What do you mean?”

“Zethrid and Ezor were gleeful about the idea of torturing me, but you wouldn’t let them take me. Even though you were restrained, you fought to defend me, to keep me safe. What you did was selfless, reckless, and very brave. For the longest time I just wanted to say...” Pidge’s voice cracked. Her eyes were shining. “Thank you for that.”

Lance’s mouth fell open in stunned silence. After a long pause, he softly murmured, “No problem.” He watched as she wiped her eyes quickly and swallowed. Lance stammered, “I...uh...I really didn’t have time to think. I just reacted. Someone I care about was in danger, and something inside of me just...snapped. I had to protect you. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I hadn’t done something. Pidge, if they had taken you, if they had hurt you, I—“

She gave him a watery smile. “But they didn’t hurt me. Ezor beat you up instead.” Tears streamed down Pidge’s cheeks, and she wiped them away with the heel of one hand. “If Coran, Acxa, and the mice hadn’t arrived to rescue us, no telling what they might have done to you.”

“It’s all right. I only had a few bruises. I’m fine, really. And if I had to do it all over again, I would.” His face suddenly felt very warm.

She looked at him in astonishment, and then smiled shyly. She was definitely blushing this time, and looking at him with what could only be described as admiration. Selfless, she had called him. Brave.

“I guess you’re my hero, then.” The look she gave him was the softest he had ever seen from her. He was speechless.

It had occurred to him, and not for the first time either, that Pidge was growing up. She was taller now, her hair was longer, the subtle curves of her slight figure had become more obvious recently. There was no way she could pass for a young boy anymore. She’s too pretty to be a boy, he thought, and then suddenly felt warm all over. Where had that thought come from? Pretty. Delicate. Graceful. Brilliant. Sweet. Courageous. Determined. She was all of those things and so much more. And she saw him as a hero. He was her hero.

Hero...How many times had he hoped that he might be regarded as a hero by some attractive young woman? How much time had he spent in idle daydreaming about rescuing a fair damsel in distress who would fall in love with him? How long had he fantasized that one day a girl would look at him the way Katie Holt was looking at him at this very moment? Well, it was time to be really brave then. He looked back at her and said aloud what he had been meaning to tell her for the longest time.

“You—you’re my hero too, you know. You saved me. Remember when Bob put me in that vat of acid?”

“Don’t remind me. That arrogant little creep could have killed you, Lance. I was furious!”

“Yeah, I am not a fan of that guy either. I was so nervous that I couldn’t think straight. Every time I got an answer wrong I felt like I was letting the team down, and I could never forgive myself if we lost because of my stupidity.”

“You’re not stupid, Lance. Don’t ever call yourself that.”

“Why not? Everyone knows that I’m the dumb one. Bob kept saying it over and over, and he’s some kind of ancient being with godlike knowledge and power, so it must be true.”

“That is absolute nonsense. Bob doesn’t know what he’s talking about. And you’re not dumb! I can prove it to you.”

“Good luck with that,” he said skeptically.

“Are you familiar with Howard Gardener’s Theory of Multiple Intelligences?”

“No. Wait, multiple? Are you saying that there is more than one way to be smart?”

“That’s exactly what I am saying. Even before we became Paladins, I hacked the Garrison’s computers several times when I was searching for Matt and Dad. I saved nearly everything I could find that was classified, including data about Shiro, who was missing too, and Keith because of his connection to Shiro. I researched you and Hunk also, since the three of us were training together as a flight crew. I wanted to know everything there is to know about you two. I made a dossier on each member of our team.”

“Yeah, you told us. I mean, normal people do scary stuff like that all the time.” He rolled his eyes.

She glared at him. “Lance...”

“I’m just saying! Look, you got angry at Hunk for being nosy when he tried to get a peek at your diary. In a way, this is even worse!”

“I’m sorry! I was desperate to find my family, okay? And I wanted to know more about you and Hunk. I wanted to know if I could trust you. I entered the Garrison illegally, under a false identity, and sooner or later one of you would figure out that Pidge Gunderson was an alias. If Iverson found out that I was really Sam Holt’s daughter...”

“Okay, okay. I’m sorry too. I know you were probably in a constant state of anxiety back then. I honestly thought there was something very weird going on with you all the time, even though I was too dense to figure out that you weren’t really a boy.”

She paused, looking thoughtful for a moment, remembering their time together as cadets. “You kept trying to be friends with me, and I kept pushing you away. I felt terrible about that, you know. I really wanted to be friends, but I was afraid you and Hunk would figure out who I really was.”

“It’s alright, Pidge. I understand why you did it. And I hope you noticed that we didn’t give up on you.”

“I know. You and Hunk were the first real friends I’ve ever had.” She smiled again, her eyes shining.

He smiled back at her. “You and Hunk are like, my favorite people in the entire universe, okay? You’re both so brilliant I often wonder why either of you would want an idiot like me around, unless it’s for comic relief.”

“Lance! Stop that! I already told you, you are not dumb, so stop saying it.”

“Okay, okay. I’ll stop. What was it that you were saying about multiple intelligences?”

“I have all of your files from our days at the Garrison: standardized test scores, pilot trainee stats, physical fitness data, psych profile, and MI survey results, as well as everyone else’s. We both scored pretty high in Visual/Spatial Intelligence.”

“You have to in order to be a pilot trainee.”

“And to be so great at video games. It’s also necessary to be a skilled sharpshooter,” she grinned at him. “I may be a genius in Logical/Mathematical, but your score in Bodily/Kinesthetic Intelligence is much higher than mine. You also scored really high in Linguistic, Musical, and especially Interpersonal Intellligences. That last one is my weakest area.”

“Wait a tic, are you saying that I’m smarter than you in some areas?!”

“Yes, without a doubt. The data is right here. I can send it to you...”

“No, I...” Lance looked shy all of a sudden. “It’s enough just to know that you think I’m not dumb. I mean, you’re one of the most intelligent people I have ever met, not to mention that you’re one of the people I love most in the entire universe, so your opinion means everything to me. I guess what I am trying to say is...thank you.”

Wait, did he just say love? Out loud?! Oh no, she heard that. That’s why she isn’t saying anything. Idiot. There was an awkward silence between them.

The computer console chimed softly, signaling the download was finished.

“You’re welcome, Lance,” she said carefully. “And I think you should know that even though you are dense as a neutron star about some things, you are brilliant as a supernova in many other ways.” She paused again. “I guess that’s why I love you so much, you Goofball.” She said all of this with a dazzling smile that made his heart beat faster.

Lance’s heart was racing for quite some time, and he could not stop smiling for the next varga or so. He and Pidge became absorbed in excitement of the video game, but in the back of his mind Pidge’s words reverberated through the cavern of his memory, echoing again and again without diminishing in intensity: Selfless. Brave. Hero. You’re not dumb. I love you.

I love you...I love you...I love you. His mind replayed those words over and over as they battled digital monsters. With each victory he felt more confident, more sure of himself. He whooped with unbridled joy when their teamwork took down one foe after another.

He loved her. He knew that now, and he had already wasted so much precious time flirting with girls who really didn’t matter to him. He vowed he wouldn’t do that anymore. They were fighting in an interstellar war that had been going on for thousands of years before they were even born. Who knew how much time they had left? Days, months, years, a lifetime?

A lifetime. He realized at that moment that he could spend a lifetime talking or gaming or just growing old with Pidge. He wanted that, if they survived this endless war. He wanted her.

When they finally landed on the planet that Keith and Allura were talking about earlier, he might be able to walk around with Pidge for a bit and enjoy the fresh air of a planet with a breathable atmosphere. He would try to hold her hand, of course. And, maybe, if he could find a place to be alone with her, he could tell her face to face how he really felt about her. He wondered if she would let him steal a kiss...

“Team, look alive!” Keith’s voice over the main comm channel broke Lance’s concentration. Pidge paused their game. “There’s a renegade Galra battlegroup straight ahead. Incoming!” Galra fighters swarmed around Keith, Allura, and Hunk like a hive of angry hornets.

Quiznak! Well, it was time to put that Visual/Spatial Bodily/Kinesthetic Intelligence to use. Red soared ahead with Green right behind him and Lance opened fire on the fighter drone who was tailing Black Lion. It burst in an explosion of color and light in front of him.

“Nice shooting!” Hunk exclaimed.

“Way to go, Sharpshooter!” Pidge cheered. “That was a genius move.” Was she teasing him?

Lance grinned as he bullseyed another fighter.

[raintowhiterun]

The Story of Aus (Skyrim SE 100% Playthrough) Information & Introduction

So, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to post this or not, but I did work hard on it so I figured I’d share, plus I’d like to keep this as a memory ^~^)/ Basically, this is the “script” for the prologue for the series I plan to start, possibly tomorrow? I’m super excited so here goes!

•─────────•♖•─────────•

∾ Introduction

Hello hello and welcome to my channel! My name is Tiger and I use this channel to keep my gaming memories. I don't expect anyone to watch this series, but if you decided to check it out, I'd like to welcome you! I hope you enjoy this game as much as I do.

I wanted to start this series on the PC, but I don't know when I'll be able to buy the audio splitter that I need for my computer and there's no guarantee my mic will even work when I do manage to buy it, so I decided to just play this out on the PS4, which will be streamed since I don't have recording software. I'll be using a timer to keep the videos around 30 minutes long.

Now, this series will be a 100% playthrough. I've seen several of these floating around, but some of them leave out factions, others leave out the Daedra quests, some don't do locations. And in my opinion, that isn't a true 100% playthrough. In this series, my goal is to truly 100% the game by doing EVERYTHING - the main storyline, the war storyline, all of the guilds, the Daedra quests, discovering all locations, completing every single quest including the miscellaneous ones, and so much more. It's going to be a long ass ride, but I'm excited to discover this game in its entirety!

It may seem boring or stupid, but the point of this 100% playthrough is so I can take my time and enjoy the game as its meant to be enjoyed. It's such a beautiful game with so much content and such a rich story, I want to take my time and enjoy it while streaming so I can keep the memory. Who knows, maybe someone else will enjoy this adventure with me~

I should mention that I WILL be attempting to play the role of this character as if I AM her. If you've seen my Dark Brotherhood playthrough which, at this time, is currently on-going, you'll know that this is going to be cringy as fuck, but I'm going to try my best. I won't be skipping any of the dialogue, either. I AM using a few mods, but no over-powered or crazy ones, in my opinion. I'll drop those in the description so you can judge that for yourself. Most of them are just aesthetic mods~

Let's get started by meeting our main character and learning about her story!

•─────────•♖•─────────•

∾ Backstory

My name is Auserie, or Aus for short. I was born on a cold, rainy night in Solitude's chapel to an Altmer woman named Erralaine Aedire. Everyone assumed I was fathered by her fiance, an Altmer man named Ondolemar, but they assumed wrong. My mother loathed Ondolemar, but the two had been set to wed since they were just infants, fresh out of their mother's womb. She tried everything to avoid this union, but her family would not let her get away. She a member of the Aedire, after all, a clan of Thalmor soldiers that served the Almeri Dominion without fail. In an attempt to comfort her, Erralaine's grandmother, a kind woman named Ley, tried to convince her that love would eventually blossom between them.

But how could love possibly blossom from such a deep hatred?

To Erralaine's surprise, love DID blossom, but not with Ondolemar. No, love came to her from a young Nord soldier fighting for the empire. Atarse Fire-Hair was one of three soldiers tasked with guarding Erralaine and her elder sister, Siranya, on their way to the Thalmor headquarters in Solitude. He was the youngest, not yet wise to the ways of the world, and he didn't hesitate to strike up a conversation with the two women. While Siranya ignored him, Erralaine was happy to be speaking to someone that was neither haughty nor rude. It wasn't long before the two of them fell in love and from that love, I was born.

No one but great grandma Ley knew of this secret, and she wasn't about to tell anyone. While Erralaine still was not happy with her husband, she acted out less with me around, but as I got older, I started to look more like Atarse and people started to notice. I was five the first time Ondolemar hit my mother, accusing her of being a harlot that slept around on him. He would have gotten rid of her, but she was currently with child and, according to the priestess of Arkay that often checked on my mother, she was due to have a boy.

This pleased him greatly and he kept his mouth shut, denying any allegations that were raised to him about my appearance. Exactly one year after my brother, Tusriil, was born, my mother came to me in the middle of the night, rousing me from my sleep. Even in my confused, half-asleep state, I recognized the urgency in her voice. She spoke to me in a hushed voice, telling me that everything would be okay. But it wasn't - at least not for her.

She snuck me out of Solitude with the help of a few Imperial soldiers, where I got onto a horse with a soldier whose name I was never given. He was kind, and I remember the soft smile he gave me and the protective way he held me as the horse started to trot away, leaving behind my mother and baby brother. At the time, I never thought I wouldn't see them again.

We rode on for nearly a day before arriving at a small shack northwest of Rorikstead where a red-headed man was waiting. I'll never forget the bright smile he offered me, his blue eyes full of happiness. I'll never forget how his expression darkened as he asked about my mother to the soldier, who shook his head. This man was Atarse Fire-Hair, my father, and this shack was to be my new home.

I later learned that, two days after I was smuggled out of Solitude, my mother was found stabbed through the heart. They called it a robbery gone wrong, but everyone that was involved knew better. It was no robbery, and it certainly wasn't an accident.

Despite missing my mother and brother dearly, I was happy with my father. He taught me how to use a bow and how to hunt for food, he read to me every single night, and he was there every time I had a nightmare. He was a damn good father, better than Ondolemar could even dream of being. I loved him dearly but, as he got older in age, he grew weaker and weaker until, finally, his body gave out on him and Shor carried his soul to Sovngarde.

For a while, I just sat within the shack and slept. I had no one and I felt so... lost. What was I to do with my life? But I knew neither of my parents would want me to suffer the way I was. They would want me to live, to experience life as I wanted to and, more importantly, to be happy. It was the toughest time of my life, but I took my father's bow and arrows, and I left the shack for the last time, not looking back.

For two years, I just wandered the land of Skyrim, living off the land and avoiding all major cities. While I did interact with some people, I much rather preferred to be with nature and with the wilds that lived within in. My life was peaceful and I was slowly beginning to recover from the loss of my father.

And then I got dragged down by being in the wrong place as the wrong time. I had been hunting near the border separating Skyrim from Morrowind when Ulfric Stormcloak, leader of the rebellion against the Imperials, appeared with a few of his soldiers in tow. I realized the situation and did not want to be swept up in their war, but it was too late - the Imperials ambushed them and I was captured as an accomplice, along with another man who had just been passing by at the wrong time.

While I did manage to escape losing my head, the situation in Helgen set off a chain of events that I know is going to alter my life, whether I like it or not. I'm not sure what path my life will go down and I don't really have a goal to go after, but I hope that by wandering through life, I will find my purpose. A small part of me wants revenge against Ondolemar, and another small part wishes to find my baby brother, but that's a can of worms I'm just not ready to open.

So, this is my story.

•─────────•♖•─────────•

∾ Mods

Here's the list of mods I'm using in this playthrough:

1. Meeko and Vigilance are huskies 2. On The Hunt - Gathering 3. On The Hunt - Hunting (Survival Friendly) 4. Epic Enhanced Console Graphics V5 (PS4) 5. NLA - Natural Lighting Aesthetica 6. No Salt Required! 7. Marry Almost Anyone 8. Various Dragons 9. Dense Grass PS4 10. Better Horses 11. Immersive Citizens - AI Overhaul 12. Hunter's Cabin of Riverwood PS4 13. Stones of Barenziah Quest Markers 14. Realistic Conversations ( PS4 ) 15. [PS4]Lampposts of Skyrim:Special Edition 16. Point the Way

•─────────•♖•─────────•

[the--sad--hatter]

Game Of Survival - 7 (Bucky x Reader)

FANDOM - MARVEL

PAIRING - BUCKY X FEM!READER

WARNINGS - SMUT, VIOLENCE, ANGST, VERY GRAPHIC BLOOD AND GORE, SWEARING, DRUGS AND ALCOHOL

DESCRIPTION -

The Executioner - Killer of Killers, the monster that hunts monsters, the bad-guys bogeyman.

It’s a title you earned and one that you cherish. Your goals are justified, your methods are not. But when a simple murder turns into a suicide and you are left clutching a flash drive with a terrible secret on it, you find yourself caught up in a mystery that you can’t solve alone. You turn to the professionals, the experts, the heroes. The Avengers.

With the lives of everyone in the world suddenly at stake, Earth’s Mightiest Heroes have no choice but accept your help and Bucky Barnes quickly finds himself drawn in by you. He never much believed in love, let alone love at first sight so it figures he’d be proven wrong in such a spectacular way.

Masterlist 

Chapter Seven

You idly swiped your fingers through the blood running down her chest and flicked your fingers, sending red droplets spinning through the air. Bucky’s breath was laboured as he stood, frozen with shock. Steve and Sam were in a similar position. The quick brutality had been done so quickly that they hadn’t been able to stop it. They had foolishly kept their weapons holstered, forgetting that you weren’t one of the good guys, thinking they could talk you down.

“You killed her.” Steve stated.

 “Yes, I did.” It was not the death you would have chosen for her, it was too quick and not nearly poetic enough.

 Had you been free to do as she deserved she would have died slowly, locked away and forgotten about as she starved. But you’d settled for a quick death and consoled yourself that she’d died in front of three superhero’s, her last thought would have been the knowledge that they couldn’t save her.

 Sam was the first one to pull himself out of his shock and pulled his gun out, steadily pointing at you.

 “Put your hands up.” He ordered.

 Bucky swallowed thickly. The situation had already plummeted south and it was still sinking. Steve moved to stand at Sam’s back, Shield poised and at the ready. You had just straight up murdered someone in front of them and no matter how hard he wracked his brain, Bucky couldn’t figure a way out of this for you.

 “No.”

 Sam didn’t falter, meeting your gaze with as much determination as your refusal had held.

 “Drop the knife and put your hands up.” He said calmly.

 You cocked your head to the side and smirked.

 “No.”

 “You think I won’t shoot you?”

 “Do what he says Ex. We won’t hurt you, you have my word.” Steve said solemnly.

 “I never tried to hide what I was, I told you. You knew and you worked with me anyway, now you want to take me in because you can’t pretend I’m anything else anymore? You don’t have the option of closing your eyes to the truth so I should suffer for it?” You said coldly.

 “She was unarmed, tied up. She was not a threat and you killed her.” Sam hissed.

 “That’s what I do.”

 “Not anymore. You’re done.” Sam said.

 There was absolutely no warning, no tell, no flicker of warning on your face as the knife left your hand and whizzed across the room. Steve brought the Shield in front of Sam and the knife dinged off of it but it had only been a distraction and with breath-taking speed and dexterity you darted forwards, reaching behind yourself to pull out the gun in the holster at the small of your back as you dropped to your knees and slid the last few feet to the men.

 Sam was forced to re-aim and Bucky’s eyes narrowed at the strange way you had unholstered the gun. You leaned to the side, narrowly avoiding the shield as it flew past you. Sam was a fraction of a second too slow and you had your gun pointed at him before he could point his at you again.

 “I can pull the trigger before you can stop me Cap.” You warned.

 “Then pull it.” Bucky said, speaking for the first time since you’d slashes Shumi’s throat.

 “Your faith in me is rapidly going from cute to worrying.” You told him.

 “I know you would pull the trigger, I want you to do it.” He responded.

 “Barnes!” Sam snapped.

 “Bucky stop. Ex, you’re making this worse than it has to be. Please, let me help you.” Steve said but the darkness of his tone gave him away, he was barely containing his anger.

 You did have a gun pointed at one of his best friends after all.

 “Pull the trigger Ex.” Bucky said, ignoring everyone else.

 “Reverse psychology won’t work on me Bucky.” You snarled.

 “Pull it.” He demanded, strolling towards you.

 “Stop it.” You hissed at him.

 “Pull the fucking trigger Ex.” He commanded, looming over you.

 Your knuckles were turning white, you were gripping the gun that hard. Until he yanked it out of your hand and pointed it at himself, pulling the trigger.

 Sam and Steve jolted forward to stop him but stopped when the gun clicked. Bucky smirked and yanked you to your feet, slipping his fingers into the waistband of your jeans and pulling the clip out to show his teammates.

 “She popped the clip when she unholstered it. She couldn’t bring herself to point a loaded gun at a hero.” He said smugly.

 The anger drained out of Steve and his shoulders dropped and he almost seemed to be the 100 year old man he was, even if he didn’t look it. He stared you down, his jaw ticking as he pinned you with his gaze.

 “Bucky, take her back to the jet. Sam and I need to clean this mess up.” He sighed.

 You were disturbingly quiet as Bucky stood behind you and shepherded you out of the room.

 “We really gonna clean up her mess? How?” Sam asked.

 “We’ll tell the truth, just leaving out the part where we brought her here and she left with us” Steve answered.

 “She’s damaged Steve.” Sam said wearily.

 “I know.”

 “We need to do something.” He pressed.

 “I know.”

 “We need to help her.” Sam insisted.

 “I kn… what?” Steve was visibly shocked.

 “She wouldn’t even bluff it, she took the bullets out of the gun. She just cut a woman’s throat without blinking but couldn’t point a loaded gun at me. Her morals are completely intact, it’s her sense of justice that’s skewed and something tells me that’s not her fault.” Sam sighed.

 “Five minutes ago you wanted to arrest her, you’ve been outspoken about her since she arrived.” Steve pointed out.

 “And then she endangered her freedom because she didn’t want to risk hurting me. I don’t think she’s someone who can be saved but if we don’t try, it says more about us than it does her.” Sam said, but he didn’t look happy about it.

 “I wish you’d told me this before I sent her away with Bucky.” Steve said wryly.

 “Son of a… You set it up for her to run?” Sam snapped.

 “If anyone can get through to her, it’s Bucky. If she’s not on the quinjet when we get back, nothing could have kept her there.”

 ~~~~~~~~~~

 “You killed that woman just to prove how far gone you are, to scare us off.” Bucky said lowly as he escorted you through the streets.

 You looked at him with genuine puzzlement.

 “I don’t kill to prove a point, if I did that I’d be no better than the people I execute.” You said, genuinely offended by the insinuation.

 “So why sneak off and grab her? What the hell were you thinking?” He snapped.

 “You… but… I…. You said the Avengers couldn’t grab her!” You stuttered.

 Bucky’s head whipped around to look at you in disbelief.

 “You thought I wanted you to take her?”

 “Didn’t you?” You asked.

 “No! No, doll.” He sighed.

 Everytime he thought he had you figured out, another piece of the puzzle would fall into place and change the whole picture. You had kidnapped her to help him, and you had killed her because you genuinely thought she needed to die.

 You looked disappointed and hurt and he resisted the urge to do something, anything to get that look of your face. It wasn’t fair, serial killer weren’t supposed to be so damn beautiful and they definitely weren’t supposed to invoke his protective side.

 Not for the first time, he wondered how the hell you had ended up this way.

 “What did your father do to you?” He asked bluntly.

 “Taught me everything he knew.” You said quickly, without hesitating.

 “What the hell does that even mean?” Hey, stop.” He demanded, grabbing your arm and pulling you aside.

 “Why does it matter to you?” You asked, looking at him with an innocent kind of confusion.

 “You know the difference between right and wrong Ex. You know what you do is wrong. So why do you still do it?”

~~~~~~~~~~Twenty-Two Years Ago~~~~~~~~~~

 “Straighten your back, you’re slouching.” Your ‘tutor’ barked at you, circling the room with the whip slung casually over his shoulder.

 You pushed your shoulders back, straightening your spine even though your whole body was trembling with the pain. Hours you’d been stood there, balancing on the pedestal. Falling was not an option, the punishment alone would be severe but the ground was carefully lined with broken glass.

 “Please, I’m so tired.” You whimpered.

 You were too young to have a proper concept of time and there was no clock in the room but it had been hours, you knew that.

 “Oh, you’re tired? YOU’RE TIRED?” He yelled, cracking the whip towards you.

 It had been a bluff, a threat but you flinched anyway and your careful balance was lost, sending you tumbling to the floor. There was no sympathy in your tutors eyes as you screamed in pain, no sympathy for the thin rivulets of blood streaming down your arms.

 “If you flinch in anticipation of pain, you will suffer more in the long run. Learn to accept that which you can not stop.” He said coldly, yanking you to your feet.

 “Start again.” He ordered, not letting you even pull the shards of glass from your skin before you were put back on the wooden pedestal.

 The next time he flicked the whip, you didn’t fall. The second time, you didn’t move an inch. The third time, it wasn’t a bluff and you fell again.

 “She does not seem to be learning.” You father voice said and you looked up to see him stood at the door.  

 “She is weak.” Your tutor argued.

 “Everyone is weak until they learn otherwise. You are supposed to be teaching her and yet she hasn’t learned a thing.” Your father snarled.

 The tutor paled at the anger directed towards him.

 “Perhaps another will succeed where you have failed.” Your father mused and waved his hand.

 Another man, one you had never seen before entered the room. He walked straight over to your tutor and without any warning, slid a knife between his ribs. Your tutor fell to the ground with a gurgling cry as blood bubbled from his lips. The strange mans expression had not once changed as he had killed him or as he left him to die on the floor and turned to you.

 “Get up.” The stranger commanded and you obeyed immediately, fear coursing through you.

 “Teach her.” Your father commanded.

 “Pain is just a sensation. It can be ignored and your body can be bent to your will.” The stranger told you, pointing to the pedestal.

 You wordlessly stood on it, trying to control your shaking limbs. Minutes passed by and slowly the pain you were feeling faded from consuming to irritating. Within hours the pain was little more than background noise, the tiredness of your body just an ignorable facet of the torture. Little by little, you sunk into yourself until your mind was separated from your body and what you were physically feeling had no bearing. With every crack of the whip you stared blankly ahead, your eyes as lifeless as your tutors.

 “Good.” The father said with a nod of approval.

 You didn’t move, didn’t get down. You weren’t sure if his approval meant permission and you didn’t want to chance it. You wanted him to nod in approval again, so you stayed.

 “Get down.” He commanded and you waited a moment, ensuring you didn’t seem too relieved or eager before you stepped down.

 “Come here.” You father said.

 You walked over to him and he silently held out a knife to you.

 “Do you hate him?” Your father asked.

 “Yes.” You whispered.

 “Then you know what to do.” You father said.

 You took the knife from him. You did know what to do.

 ~~~~~~~~~~Today~~~~~~~~~~

 “If I hate someone, I kill them. If I hate someone, they die. That’s what I was taught.” You said, like it was really that simple.

 And suddenly, Bucky realised it was.              

 “Come back to the compound, come back with me. Let me teach you another way.” He offered.

 “Teach me another way?” You repeated.

 “You caused a lot of trouble for us by killing her. She would have suffered just as much, if not more in prison. You didn’t need to kill her and you did it anyway.” He admonished.

 “Killing is kind of what I do. I agreed to work with you, to help you but I didn’t agree to change my methods. Notice I’m not asking you to change yours…”

 “What?” He asked, thrown.

 “I’m not trying to change you, to turn the Avengers into killers. I’m letting you do things your way. Why can’t you give me the same courtesy?” You demanded.

 He didn’t have an answer for that, not one you’d listen to anyway. He knew that no matter how hard he tried to explain morality, justice and the proper procedure, you wouldn’t understand. You weren’t even being purposefully obtuse, it was just such a foreign concept to you.

 ~~~~~~~~~~~

 “Tony, we have a problem. We lost Ex, she left. We sent her back to the quinjet with Bucky, hoping he’d get her to stick around but…” Steve said heavily, holding the phone to his ear and trying to ignore Sam’s judgemental look.

 “Tinmans not as smooth as you hoped?” Tony sighed.

 “He couldn’t make her stay, so he left with her.” Steve explained.

 “What?!”

 “He left a note. He took the quinjet and took her to London to follow a lead. Bucky and Ex are in the wind.”

A/N -  

 Bucky: If you can't beat em, join em. Sam: I was just starting to warm up to her and she stole one of my super soldiers. Not cool.

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