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mybg3notebook · 3 years ago

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Gale Summarised Analysis

Disclaimer Game Version: All these analyses were written up to the game version v4.1.104.3536 (Early access). As long as new content is added, and as long as I have free time for that, I will try to keep updating this information. Written in May 2021.

The majority of sources used for this article are in the game itself (this includes my Gale-solo playthroughs as well as a combination of the videos by munmomuu and selphie1999), and the few dev’s notes provided by pjenn. Gale as origin is not taken into account since it’s not finished and has little to none Gale-related content. There will be little datamining content as well since pjenn said the game contained almost no gale-related notes (only in the Weave and in the Revelation scene).

Additional disclaimers about meta-knowledge and interpretations in (post)

The number between brackets [] represents the topic-block related to (this post), which gathers as much evidence as I could get.

We can infer about Gale by analysing what he approves and disapproves of. Sometimes, we can even lightly infer some information from his neutral reactions, but let’s be honest: this way of analysing a char is pretty poor since it leaves everything to speculation. Neutral reactions can only be analysed, in very rare instances, by contrasting the same situation in other contexts, and seeing what other options Gale approves or disapproves of. With these considerations in mind, we can proceed to describe this character.

Disclaimer: this is a meta with my personal interpretation of the character, sticking as much as possible to the facts and leaving little to “desires” or “projections” of what I want him to be. If I do so, I will state it explicitly in the text for the sake of analysis honesty. I want to be clear about what is canon (facts shown in bg3 EA), from what’s personal interpretation with little proof.

Understanding Gale (integrated text)

We are none of us monsters. We are merely hatcheries for monstrous things. So we fight them

---Gale

Collecting most of the information provided in-game, we know he has a cat, a Library, and writes poetry sometimes. One of the first things that Gale will reveal is that he is a private person. He easily and clearly sets boundaries from the first moment, showing Tav where they stand. The second aspect he makes us aware of is his pragmatic thinking and his preference for diplomatic approaches. A third aspect that stands out on its own: he is a very verbose person, maybe as a result of his academia background in combination with his poetry hobby. He also has a bad posture when talking, but I’m not sure if this is intentional or a bug.

We can assure that Gale certainly is a man of the city [13], and may have a decent social status. It's impossible to say for sure if it's noble or rich or both, or it is just a natural consequence of being a wizard scholar: he is frustrated by the harshness of the camping life, he misses the civilisation of the city which offers well cooked meals, soft beds, and scented baths. Not by chance he is the only companion in the group who would approve of giving Oskar 200 gold to fight “the discomforts of the road” [13]. However, he adapts. Despite the lack of luxuries, he managed to survive in the wilderness.

Gale and his link with magic is unquestionable. Magic is life for Gale, metaphorically and literally speaking since it's magic what allows him to stay alive despite the "orb" in his chest. If we talk about Magic, we have to talk about Mystra and the Weave. The Weave is not only the embodiment of Mystra, it's an extension of Mystra herself. It extends across many planes of existence and is in almost all parts of Faerûn. By dragging power from it, Magic can be performed.

Mystra, for lore reasons and conjectures that I will discuss in the post "Mystra and her Chosen ones", turned teenager/young adult Gale into one of her Chosen, making their relationship more intimate and granting Gale a deeper access to the Weave. This put Gale into the category of an archwizard. It's clear that Gale was and still is a devotee of Mystra, which could give us a hint of his alignment since she is a neutral good goddess and she expects for her Chosen to align around it.

Gale likes confidence, in others and in himself. He is confident in his looks (he has described himself as a “handsome devil” and answered during the romance/Revelation scene that he knew he was beautiful under the light as well as Tav). But beyond these two lines, qualifying him as a narcissist seems extreme. He is surely very confident about his knowledge, and we see he is not just mere words: his Mind Flayer knowledge is at the the same level of what githyankis know. If we compare how Astarion/Tav struggled with the book of Thay, and then we see how Gale manages it (sadly the scene is not complete yet in EA, and there is almost no datamining info of Gale), we can conclude once more that his knowledge and power of the mind are real (he is, so far, the main companion who allows us to explore the lore of the game in a deeper way during his conversations). We also know it's a bit more complicated to intrude into his mind using the tadpole because he has knowledge and mental tools to protect himself (check the post about the Tadpole inside Gale). He is certainly a very verbose and confident scholar, who knows his limits, and in occasions he seems to dabble into an ego-teasing play as an attempt of levity, displaying his “insufferable side”, as he has described himself (his self-awareness of these traits is remarkable, and it is the reason why I avoid qualifying him as arrogant. Arrogant chars are hardly self-aware of their own bad manners or insufferable traits). But we can see it's usually done as a joke or, with an evil Tav, as an aggressive reaction. For a deep analysis of this aspect, check the post about "Gale Hypotheses- Part 2", section: "Narcissism".

Based on his approvals and disapprovals, we can see that Gale has a strong preference in avoiding fights, violence, and bloodshed [1]. He will always prefer diplomatic and persuasive approaches [2]. Reasoning is his best weapon, but if the individual we are dealing with can hardly be persuaded, he would approve of a deception or an intimidation as long blood is not spilt. Here is where we see his pragmatism in action, all the time. His primary goal at every moment is to avoid bloodshed. His philosophy could be summed up in the line “the means [as long as they don’t kill gratuitously] hardly matter if the end is worthy”. And for Gale, nothing is more worthy than life [3]. This doesn't cover only the life of innocents he cares about, it includes the life of the most dubious characters as well, such as Rugan or Crusher. Gratuitous death is meaningless for him. During the scene of Nettie we can have a glimpse of his philosophy towards life: he viscerally hates treating life as if it were nothing:

Gale: How dare she snuff out life with as much thought as snuffing out a bloody candle? […] It's not right to feel the cold breath of death in your neck, then move on as if it was nothing but a soothing breeze. One respects life by fighting for it, and one respects death by fearing it.

Gale: One should never be afraid to live life to the fullest.

Probably the limited amount of life he has due to the "orb" increased his sense of respect for life and its celebration. I personally understand Gale as a character who embodies the perspectives of a seriously ill person, knowing that their life may be short, but they will try to make the best out of it.

He doesn't only respect life per se, he also cares about its dignity. This can be seen in his explicit rejection to undead existences such as Connor (he explains that it would be merciful to put an end to his undead nightmare), or in his disapprovals of humiliation and torture [9]

We could suspect that this emphasis in protecting any life comes from the fact that only people who are alive can (sometimes) be forgiven or/and change. This is not explicit, but since he is a character who talks about being better and wiser than his previous self, about acknowledging mistakes, about forgiveness, this interpretation seems reasonable.

These concepts of kindness and compassion combined with “the mistakes of the youth” are repetitive in his interactions and approvals [5,12]. Of course, they echo in his soul since they are reflections and desires of his own experience. This pattern covers forgiving children in particular [5], and disapproving hard judgements [16], especially on matters whose story is not fully understood by Tav. This means he doesn't like quick judgements when he doesn't know the whole story first. This scenario can be easily seen during Karlach's quest, he reserves his judgment until knowing Karlach's side: There are always two sides to each story.

Gale: I have to say I don't know if agreeing to this hunt was such a wise idea. Who's to say who's the real villain in this tale of devils and masquerades? [...]When we track Karlach down, let's chat before we chop.

Similar concept appears during his Revelation scene, when he encourages and keeps asking Tav to listen to him first before judging. This is also the reason why in his Loss scene he would disapprove if Tav quickly assumes that his loss of Mystra was due to arrogance. Tav judged him without knowing the whole story. However, once Tav knows the whole story, Gale will accept any judgement from them without approval penalties during the Revelation scene.

He approves all actions that imply helping others in hard times and disapproves of them if they were done out of greed [4]. He is an animal lover [6,7]. Being kind to animals and treating them good will increase his approval, while animal cruelty will earn his disapproval. Same goes for humanoids: any display of gratuitous violence that could have been prevented with a trick or a diplomatic approach, any humiliation forced upon others, any torture or situation of slavery, is disapproved [8, 9, 11].

In particular, Gale seems to advocate the philosophy of “give others their own medicine”[18] or in other words: poetic justice. We can see this during the Myconid colony; he approves of helping the Myconid to avenge the young killed by the Duergar, adding the comment: “Wicked killers deserve wicked ends”. He is implying to give them a similar, wicked medicine to the Duergars. Another less deadly situation of this kind is shown during the foot situation with Crusher: Gale is the one suggesting “pungent poetic justice” and telling Tav that they should force Crusher to kiss their feet.

The most iconic scene, however, is during Nettie's, if Tav lies during her interrogation. As a hot-headed reaction, Gale states that he would have poisoned Nettie if this situation would have happened to him. Although, after calming down, he approves of and confirms Tav's actions [if Tav managed to persuade Nettie to give them the antidote]

Gale: A taste of her own medicine is what she deserves! […] But you handled it, and you handled it well.

In this scene we also see a pattern: Gale is shown as a fallible human; his most visceral reaction during the first moment is anger and indignation, giving us a hint that he is not so rational when it comes to emotional states. An extremely obvious, human concept.

The scene of Nettie trying to kill a potential menace (the victim of a MF) reverberated in his consciousness, projecting immediately a fact in his mind: if he ever dares to reveal his "orb" problem, and anyone knows what a danger he represents—no matter how stable it looks—people will want to remove the menace by killing him.

This is the reason behind his words “It's just that, had it been me... had it been...” Gale knows that this simplistic and common thinking in removing what's dangerous would end up turning into a more destructive tragedy in his case than in any infected victim of the tadpoles. So this combination makes us see, for the first time, an emotional Gale. After some seconds, he cools down and returns to his more rational, diplomatic, and moderate self. What we can read here is that Gale would be very prone to rush decisions or to make mistakes under emotional circumstances. We will learn later that the other mistake he made under emotional stress ended up with the "orb" stuck in his chest. A third mistake was done during the party, once more under the emotional stress of a potential abandonment by Tav due to the true nature of the orb.

Everything related to the “orb”—which is his most traumatic experience—naturally makes him more emotional and prone to mistakes. To see how truly traumatic the "orb" is in his life we can notice the following patterns during the meeting scene: he speaks about the tadpole in a relaxed, rational way, despite the traumatising experience. He first asks for an archwizard instead of for a cleric, because his priority is the orb. Gale's main fear is not the tadpole, but the orb. If we remember his words after the consumption of the artefacts, we realise he lives in a permanent state of anxiety and raw fear, and probably pain too, given his facial gesticulation when anything interacts with the "orb" (whether artefacts or Tav's hand). His banter with Shadowheart reinforces the concept that he always has a knot in the stomach. When he accepts the deal with Raphael, it seems to be related to the orb, not to the tadpole. The effect of the "orb" has ceased, but the tadpole is still in Gale's head since we still need to roll against a high DC and not only against a 1DC during this scene, so we can assume he still has the tadpole despite Raphael's deal. See the post about "The Tadpole" in Gale for more details.

Gale is a character that represents human experiences deeply related to growing up: mistakes done in the past, and the acceptance of not being forgiven despite the desire of wanting to. This can be easily seen during the conversation of the second tadpole dream, where Gale's mood is foul and we learn that his deepest desire is for Mystra to forgive him, but he also knows it's impossible for that to happen. He detects the lie in this dream because he has accepted that Mystra will never forgive him. Gale is the story of mistakes done during youth with grave consequences, of acknowledging them and trying to make them right, of surviving those mistakes, and depending on the interpretation, he is also the story of an ill dying man, with a gentle vision and deep care for life.

The great majority of his approvals are based on actions that show kindness and compassion, both reiterative concepts that are so important in his character that they come from his lips when we see the goblin party:

Gale: The shadow within is spreading like poison, corrupting kindness and compassion. [Only after a tough DC of 15]

In combination with: Gale: I don't know myself anymore. All this... It's not who I am. Around you, I'm not who I want to be. I should leave.

These lines show how, in a sudden change to an evil path, Gale would start doubting his own morality, explaining that the cause of it is the "orb" itself, corrupting the most core aspects of his personality. This corruption may or may not be lore-related. It's not completely clear what Gale's "orb" truly is. For more details, check the post of the "Orb".

His constant critical thinking comes from his advocacy to non-conventionality [15]: a true scholar will always explore all the options and hypotheses before reaching a conclusion. Therefore, Gale would approve of any non-conventional way to fix a problem [15] as long as it doesn't potentially cause harm or bloodshed [1,2,3,8,9]. Due to his own background, Gale will always advise to be very careful of the consequences of one’s actions. This can be easily seen when, after encountering the caged goblin Sazza, Gale would advocate to explore the possibility of reaching Gut Priestess to cure the tadpole. However, when Tav helps Sazza to escape, Gale will comment briefly against this action.

Gale: I know I said it's not inconceivable a goblin priestess could help us. And yet... was it really wise to set another goblin free so she can arrange introductions? […] consider the consequences. What if she leads her entire tribe to the grove? Tav: I don't care, I owe this grove no allegiance. Gale: No allegiance, no. Though we don't need to sign its death warrant

Once more we see that Gale is up to using any (unharming) means to get a goal, but not at any cost. He has a clear line he doesn't like to cross: life [3]. Avoiding putting other people's lives in danger is very important for him. We see this concept over and over in most scenes.

He doesn't likerushed decisions, and in that same train of thoughts, he will disapprove any use of unknown magic or tricks when nobody in the group can truly understand how they work [17], for example the tadpoles or Raphael's deal (he is against accepting it quickly, but he will approve of having a more cautious attitude and carefully thinking about it).

Since the moment we meet him, we can infer he is obsessed with the artefacts. It's obviously understandable: he doesn't want to die, but also, he doesn't want to kill all those that will be caught in the eruption of the orb. For this reason he will insist on the loot in the Temple Ruins despite knowing that grave robbery is not correct.

Gale: Bad form, isn't it? Grave robbing? […] Let's have a look at the loot. It isn't for your pockets only.

He keeps pondering life over death: although he respects the dead, he will always value more the living creatures in the present. This is also what pushes Gale to suggest Tav to open Rugan's chest. Stealing from the evil Zhentarins is not something that will weigh on his consciousness too much. Besides, he knows it belongs to a wizard: meaning that the chance for it to contain a powerful artefact is really high. Similar suggestions will be said about the Idol of Silvanus, but talking with him in the camp will show us that he won't approve of taking it, only as a last resort. He keeps pondering the living over a sacred piece of stone, since he knows the druids won't take the stealing very peacefully. Once more we see Gale's respect and care for life, trying to minimise damage as much as the circumstances allow him.

Gale is also a survivalist. He doesn't want to die, he loves celebrating life in its more mundane and small details. He is an emotional character for a wizard, a bit strange since they are usually portrayed as more rational and cold, losing their lives among dusty books. However, Gale has shown in many scenes that he prefers to survive without killing, but if he has to, he will do it, dealing with the weight of it in his consciousness because killing unprovoked affects him (scene in the camp after killing the druids, or the goblin party scene).

His moral in preventing gratuitous death sometimes will conflict with his own survival, especially if he is by an evil Tav's side. He couldn't accept bloodshed when other peaceful options were available and possible to reach. This is clearly shown during the goblin party, where Gale's consciousness suffers and feels the corruption of the "orb" killing the kindness and the compassion inside him. He accepts that wanting to live is a powerful drive, but he doesn't support this massacre, questioning if all that blood was necessary. A Tav killing the tieflings seems to lose the possibility of pursuing Gale romantically, at least in EA so far. For Gale, survival is important, but the means to do it (when they can cause death) matter too. Life is worth preserving.

The usual archetype of survivalist tends to be an individualist one who would survive at any cost without remorse because that's the “law of the jungle”, the strongest must survive. However, Gale seems to embody a different concept of survivalist that it's hard to put in words: a sort of communal survivalist, trying to survive in coexistence with his community: he wants his survival to imprint the least harm possible (even though sometimes it would not be possible), trying to help those around him as long as his condition allows it; for example, despite wanting Gut's potential cure for the tadpole, he would disagree in helping Sazza escape because she will lead the goblins to the Grove, no matter the fact that doing this will grant them their introduction to the priestess.

His list of approval shows that his sense of survival is always pondered with the consequences that it can cause on others (check the post with the "Extensive list of Gale's approvals"). The whole concept of the "orb" has this motivation as well: he wants to live and survive, but he also can't give up because his body would kill many, so he needs to do as much as his moral allows him to keep it in check. If he cannot do it any longer, he promises to minimise the disaster as much as possible by erupting in the deep Underdark or in a desolated corner of Faerûn (and considering his ridiculous list of approvals and disapprovals, we know he is honest in not wanting to kill gratuitously). Gale acknowledges his own mistakes, trying—to the best of his ability—to deal with them without catching others in them. Although all his speeches keep emphasising that he is a mere human, and plans may fail.

At some point, if he wants to survive “not at any cost”, he will be forced to ask Tav for help during the scene of the stew (available only for medium approval or higher). As a gesture of honesty, Gale will set a boundary before making this request, acknowledging its unfairness but giving Tav the decision to proceed or not. He is not denying to explain the details later, but at the moment he can't speak the “why” of his condition no matter how curious Tav is. Tav will decide whether they can keep their curiosity on the matter.

We will understand later that this impediment comes as a precaution as well as consequence of his personal trauma with Mystra and the "orb" (See post about "Gale: Manipulation, Lies, and Trust"). So, he is very clear about setting the conditions in which this conversation will happen from the beginning. The easiest way for Gale to avoid this whole situation would have been by simply lying, but he opted for an honest approach with clear out-loud reservations, knowing he was asking for more trust than he was allowed to, but the intention behind is more than important. There is a clear, huge contextual detail that we can't miss: this scene doesn't happen because of Gale's whims, he is forced to ask for help since his condition “is not a patient one” and will endanger everyone if not kept at bay.

This detail where Gale explicitly asks for an exchange of trust is not present if Gale's approval is neutral or lower. In this case, Gale would not care about giving a context to his strange request: he doesn't trust Tav and he doesn't expect to be trusted either, he only wants the artefacts to keep his condition in check for his sake and the sake of others. We can understand this change of attitude depending on the approval as he doesn't want to give any extra explanation to someone he is not interested in building a relationship with. For more details, check the post about "Gale: Manipulation, Lies, and Trust".

I personally support the idea that nobody in canon Faerûn is free of racial prejudices since Forgotten Realms lore has been created based strongly on fantasy racism. I've read that WotC wants to move forward and improve this aspect in 5e, but so far what they allowed Larian to do with the Tieflings in BG3 seems to show the contrary. So, since apparently we are going to face fantasy racism anyways, I will try to analyse racial prejudices from all chars. When it comes to Gale, it's a bit far-stretched to point out unjustified racial biases. He has a vague comment about Rashemi that some people may consider a faerunian saying. Personally, I think that line is a bias forced into him to have a particular dynamic with Minsc (the Rashemi “silly” companion -we all can see where Larian seems to go with this). Gale clearly sees tieflings, gnomes, and even goblins as people, and has a cautious attitude towards some githyanki (at least that's what we can infer with Lae'zel when we find her in the cage), but given the githyanki lore it's pretty reasonable to see them as dangerous creature that could kill people on the spot. So far, he seems to have no racial preference either [10].

As it was said before, he prefers to avoid killing people, but that doesn't mean he won't do it if his life depends on it. He will prefer persuasive and defusing approaches, but if he needs to kill to defend innocents or his own life, he won't hesitate. So therefore, stories about characters making mistakes or having violent excess in an effort to protect themselves or what they hold dear will be understood by him but hardly approved [19]. He tends more to approve a call out of that excess than approving an excuse for it.

Gale has deep abandonment issues that can be easily seen when he defends Astarion from being handed over to Gandrel. We need to put this in context before going on: for Gale, Astarion represents a danger as a vampire who attacked one of them during their sleep. By the display of meta-knowledge, we know with certainty that their approvals and disapprovals are mostly opposite: What one approves, the other will disapprove and vice versa. Getting rid of Astarion should be something that Gale would approve, however, he doesn't. If we explore his comments we will realise that what Gale disapproves from this situation is Tav's abandonment. After Mystra's abandonment, he knows very well that “Loyalty is such a very rare commodity”, and the few situations in EA in which Tav can display abandonment, resound strongly in Gale.

Gale is a scholar with a strong balanced rational side. But unlike the trope, he also embraces an emotional side that, so far the info we received in EA, it's the side that makes him prone to mistakes.

As an amateur poet, Gale loves words. We can obviously notice this in his verbose attitude, but also in the way he carefully uses words. One of his characteristic words is “spectacle”. He has also shown a reiterative—although not always—uneasy use of the word “fun”. Using “fun” as a way to describe the night spent with Gale gives him a slight uneasiness. “That’s a word for it.” He disapproves of using the word “Fun” after the Mayrina/Connor situation, in which scene Gale alludes that “your new company may be a proof of how depraved and twisted you are to see that tragedy as “fun”. Personally I think this is a direct allusion to Astarion, who considers Mayrina's situation as “entertainment”, in the same way he considered as “fun” the show of Arabella's death (two of several instances where he used that word). Gale also doesn’t use the word sex during EA, instead he uses romantic ones such as love-making, intimacy, art of the night/body. In the most technical case: coitus (used only when he is talking about “goblinoid intimacy” in the expression “post-coital snack”). These details are showing not only his poet/romantic side, but also his interpretation of sex from his perspective: sex can only be possible through a connection. We know he doesn’t engage in casual sex with Lae’zel if he is not romanced, and his romance can only potentially start if Tav shares that deep connection with him through the Weave.

Another detail related to words is that Gale has always used an infection/disease-related vocabulary to explain the “orb” stuck in his chest: infested, taint, shadow spreading

[…] I failed to control [this chaotic magic]. Instead it infested me. […] This Netherese taint... this orb, for lack of a better word [..] […] the shadow within is spreading like poison, corrupting kindness and compassion. [...]

Gale apparently has a particular way to sense magic. I have no way to check this in-game, but it seems very strange how he immediately identifies magical artifacts without casting Detect Magic. There are some extra scenes as well where he says to taste or smell the magic in some objects. Even his encounter with Shadowheart, besides being considered a flirt, could be also interpreted as him detecting the magic that we saw later in her hand or maybe the dark magic that blocks her memories, since Gale pointed out about a curtain covering her soul: “if the eyes are the mirror to the soul, yours have dark curtains across the mirror” (a very ominous flirting if it’s only a flirt)

This makes me suspect that, if the "orb" is not giving him this skill, it may be a consequence of having been Chosen of Mystra (for more details read the post about "Mystra and her Chosen ones"). If this is the case, he may have hindered remains of theirs powers when it comes to detect magic at will.

Gale has a perception of magic with all the senses: he sniffs and tastes magic. During the mirror scene you have an option related to [Arcana] tag where he “Sniff the mirror, trying to understand the nature of its magic”. A wizard Tav will just “Inspect the mirror”. He also said that he could “taste” the magic in the necromancy book and in the runes of teleportation.

What we know of his family is little: when he was a kid there was a housekeeper in his life (mentioned only once during the scene of the harpies) and his mother that seemed to have personally raised and cared for him (mentioned twice: in the ruin temple scene, and in his banter with Wyll)

Tav: Why care about decorum in a long-abandoned tomb? Gale: Because my mother raised a gentleman. Then again, to be alive is to be curious.

Wyll: Between the orb and the bug you've got more than your fair share of unwelcome passengers. Gale: What can I say. Mother always taught me to be a gracious host.

This post was written in May 2021. → For more Gale: Analysis Series Index

#bg3 meta #gale #gale of waterdeep #bg3 gale #bg3 early access #bg3

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theinvisibledreamergirl · 4 years ago

Text

Chap. 7: “Friendship questioned”

A.N: And I still hate this AU and this title because it isn’t much related to the topic 🙄

MASTERLIST

———————————————————————

Donahue’s bar was flooded with interns and residents taking some break after their long night shifts and seemed to enjoy these minutes. The fantastic four (as Klaw would call) Elijah, Jackie, Sienna and Landry and the never-separated couple Dan and Imelda were sat together discussing about the new changes of Edenbrook Hospital that were notified yesterday.

“Could you even imagine? Doing your residency with the most elite diagnostics team in the world?!” Elijah exclaimed.

“Never in my life would’ve thought of this dream.” Landry sighed in a wandered gaze.

“Screw you. This is totally obvious that I am going to be the winner of it.” Jackie put down the shot of tequila raising her eyebrows.

“Someone looks very confident.” Dan replied with a smirk.

“Of course I am not even you scalpel jockeys can stand us.”

“Seriously why didn’t you two sign up for this? Even the surgeons could be part of the fellowship.” Sienna asked.

Imy let a sigh. “Yeah we know but I don’t think we could waste our precious free time plus diagnosing the patients. Scalpel is enough for us. Right sweetie?

Dan kissed the back of her hand gently. “Of course love.”

“Aww you are so cute.”

“Yuck get a room you two already. It’s getting enough disgust in here.” Jackie admitted and everyone shared a laugh.

“What about Klaw? Do you know if she has signed up?” Landry asked curiously. She had mentioned before that she wanted to work with Ethan Ramsey closely and he was also felt in debt for saving his life from that man Miles in their first day of work.

“Hm. I don’t know but I think she had. She would never miss this rare opportunity.” Everyone nodded in agreement.

“Well you’re wrong.” A voice made them to turn their gazes to the tired and not so amused face of Klaw with Bryce accompanying her.

“What?!” Everyone said in unison shocked except from Jackie who snorted.

“See? I told you scalpels cannot handle the diagnosis!”

“You either are stupid for real or you have a reason that you didn’t want this.” Eiljah admitted and a sudden wave of relief was seen in Landry’s face in which Dan noticed it.

“But Klaw... why did you change your mind?” Imy asked in confusion but her expression let her that something had happened and she looked at Bryce for some answers but he mouthed.

Later.

“I’m going to the bathroom I’ll... catch up with you.”

While she was nodding Bryce gave her a knowing glance in which she replied silently with a reassuring smile.

I’ll be fine.

When she made herself disappear to the corner so her friends wouldn’t see her, she texted to Reggie.

Now. We need to talk.

Thankfully he saw the message and carefully after serving the drinks to the guys he went in the same dark room where his other friend was waiting.

“What now?” He crossed his arms.

“Care to explain your friendship with Ethan Ramsey?” She arched her left eyebrow.

He let an exhale knowing that she wouldn’t forget this despite her busy schedule in hospital.

“Fine. I’ll say this quickly... Ethan and I have known each other for ten years since he came for the first time in Boston after university. He wasn’t alone though. He was with Simon and they both needed a strong drink after their first day as interns. It was also my first week in Boston and I wanted to have a good job so I bought this bar and let me tell you-” He motioned with his index finger the surroundings. “- it wasn’t like this. It was rebuilt again thanks to them who offered their money’s to help me and we’re like partners of this bar and after that Simon decided to name it ‘Donahue’.” He chuckled. “Weird name huh?”

Reggie wanted to ease the tension that was appearing in Klaw’s face but that didn’t change it.

“When were you going to tell me?”

“Klaw I seriously didn’t know you would come here. I really wanted to tell you but I just didn’t know how. Look... if you are worried about your involvement with the Mercy Park Crew I won’t tell anything to Ethan.”

“It’s not about that Reggie. I’m just upset because I thought I could trust you and the contrary. Because we’re friends right?” She hesitated at first before saying. “And about Vaug-“

“Do not try mention his name!” He glared at her giving some cold chills down her spine. She knew his anger but despite of that she wanted to try again.

“Vaughn wants to talk to you.”

“I don’t want to talk with a gangster and a criminal who left his family for his own pleasures!” He hissed. “My uncle is devastated and auntie too and I’m not going to let him to enter to our lives ever again!”

She sighed. “I know but he told me-.”

“You should go back to your friends.” He cut her off without giving a second glance.

“Reggie...”

“Go.” He said courtly. “They’ll suspect and you don’t want this, right?” She only nodded when he narrowed his eyebrows. “You go first and I’ll come after two minutes.”

Klaw did as he said. She truly wanted the two cousins to talk about their misunderstandings and solve them to be united again. But it was clearly that this would take a long time given the fact that Reggie was a hot-tempered guy even though it didn’t look from the outside to other people.

Bryce had told his friends about the tragic death of Dolores and now they could understand why Klaw didn’t want to participate in the competition. But this wasn’t the thing he worried about.

Strong arms had been looping her maybe for a couple of minutes but for her it looked like an eternity sleeping.

She blinked her eyes slowly while trying to comprehend what happened.

Oh she thought. Yes- she forgot to drink her usual pills and ran with a fake excuse to her attending to go to the locker room.

And after drinking them her body twisted in a quick motion until feeling someone calling her name.

Definitely it was a man and at first she got worried if he was the one she was thinking about.

But instead she was met with green scrubs and she could recognise that megawatt smile everywhere.

“Look who’s waken up.”

“B-Bryce?”

“Yeah scalpel jockey in the flesh.”

“What’re you doing here?” She murmured slowly.

“Uhm helping and carrying you? Because you were about to knock your head in the ground and your skull would be opened?” She giggled. He was so good at making her feel better. “Now will you tell me why’s in your locker an inhibitor bar?”

She gulped hardly trying to think of an excuse. “It’s- for calmness.”

What a great lie to say him.

“Klaw... you can trust me.” To prove it he caressed her cheek softly letting his thumb linger. Bryce Lahela had feelings for this girl like no one else and seeing her in this state- he wanted to be her saviour. “Look... I’ve seen you avoiding us in many occasions and not interacting with us at all. You refused first to play with me. Second you haven’t given any answer to Sienna about moving together and the third you’ve been pulling your leg all of this week in many surgeries just so you can’t meet us. And now this?” He shook his head. “There’s clearly something wrong with you.”

From the look of his eyes Klaw saw the sincerity and the kindness of him that never thought to come out given the fact that he was always cheerful and flirty all the time. That’s when she started to trust him and thought he wasn’t kind of manipulating person to be. But of course she couldn’t tell him the whole truth even if she wanted to.

“I...” she gulped nervously before inhaling sharply. “I suffer from PTSD Bryce.” That’s when her tears started to drop off her cheeks despite many of her attempts not to.

His grip on her tightened and pulled her in a comforting hug while she was sobbing. Bryce had never seen her in such a devastating situation because she looked strong and capable of everything but clearly this was the contrary.

“Shh... it’s alright Klaw... I’m here.”

“I’m sorry Bryce I-“

“You don’t need to apologise to me.” He frowned his eyebrows. “It’s me who should say that. I’ve asked too much for this, have I?”

“No, you moron. Of course you haven’t.” She scolded him with a slap on his arm. “You were worried about me and there’s nothing to apologise to.”

He sighed. “Does anyone else know this?”

“Only Dan and Imy.”

“Why don’t you tell the others?”

“I’m not ready Bryce I mean... I don’t want to seem like fragile and my friendship to be built because everyone feels sorry about me. And that is really disgusting.”

He laughed revealing his shining teeth. “Well they will know it one day and you won’t escape from that.”

“If you don’t tell them of course.” She jumped from his lap to head to the door. He caught her wrist.

“Whoa hold on where do you think you’re going miss? You just fainted in front of my eyes and I am going to let you go? No way.”

“I have to go back to NICU. Ethan is waiting for me.” The last words fell from her mouth unexpectedly and that’s when Bryce grinned clearly amused.

“Well well someone calls her attending by his name. Hm was he good on his office?”

She laughed loudly. “Bryce what the hell you’re saying? I was talking about Dolores Hudson’s son, Ethan.” And when her smile faded she whispered. “She died today leaving alone the little tadpole and I’m looking after him with Dr. Ramsey.”

His smile faltered too and felt in regret saying it.

Great Bryce you made her upset.

“I’m sorry Klaw. Uhm... you can go now.” He opened the door to let her go first gently but before she left he felt a kiss on his cheek and a soft voice whispering to his ear.

“Thank you for everything scalpel king.”

Not later she joined her friends who were now looking at her with concerns. Suddenly Sienna got up from her seat and hugged her tightly.

“I’m so sorry dolphin.” She whispered sweetly like she was. It was about Dolores. “Please don’t mind our reactions about your decision.”

“It’s okay Sienna. I’m fine.” Her friend assured but she made a face like she wasn’t convinced. “I really am dolphin.” She rubbed her back.

“If you say so.”

“Klaw we’re sorry too.” Elijah said. “I mean damn. That was really heartbreaking and I’m feeling goosebumps now.”

“I can’t imagine what it feels like to grieve for your first patient so sorry from me too.” Jackie said sadly.

“Guys can you please stop this emotional conversation? We have to celebrate for your competition. Right Bryce?” Klaw smiled at him.

“Hell yeah we are fucking doing it!” He stood up letting his feet up the chair to raise a toast. “We surgeons wish you medical interns a very pleasant time with grumps like Ramsey and Mirani and sweets like Delarosa and Tennant. May the best wins! Cheers!”

“Cheers!” Everyone sipped their drinks in one gulp until Ines and Zaid joined them. Ines congratulated them with a hug whereas Zaid with his glaring face to surgeons Bryce and Dan said that even if one of the interns won they wouldn’t merit that.

——————————————————————

“Ethan come on it will be just a meeting.” She pleaded to him. “It won’t kill you.”

“I said no Harper.”

“It is a great opportunity for all of us to renew the project we have with the Banner Health.”

“I still can’t believe that you want us to schmooze in all of their luxurious, idiotic and ridiculous things only for our hospital. Why didn’t you bring Simon for this? He clearly has a much better poker face than I do.”

She leaned closer to him to tie his collar. “Well I would but since the Banner Health Representatives are interested on your research then why don’t we use this opportunity? Besides even Naveen would agree on that.” She gave him a lightly kiss while caressing his broad shoulders. “Come on let’s hit ‘em before we are late.”

Harper was a such in a good mood today that asked himself if she would’ve stayed the same if she knew the real reason why Naveen gave up his position two weeks ago.

“I came up with a decision.”

“What’s wrong Naveen? You called us in such a hurry. Everything okay?” Simon asked worriedly when he saw also Ethan standing with crossed arms behind the chief clearly disapproving.

Ethan knew this and just before they would enter the diagnostics office they debated whether or not to tell everyone about his health condition that was deteriorating day by day and still none of them had arrived into a conclusion what this illness was.

“The main position of this team will be held by Dr. Ramsey.”

“What?!” The shock was evident in all of the team’s faces. Simon was eyeing to Ethan if he knew something about this but instead he was met with a shrug.

“Please doctors calm down.”

Clearly the one who couldn’t calm down herself was Dr. June Hirata who wanted nothing more than the position of the diagnostics which had worked for it ten years and seeing that the jerk doctor take it- made her blood boiled.

“But Dr. Banerji...” Dr. Baz Mirani spoke up frantically. “I’m not saying Ethan isn’t a good doctor but... may I ask why?”

“Ah Baz. I really appreciate your concern but I thought as an old man sometimes I need to rest y’know... I’ve come to an age that everything can happen and the retirement will be the best for me.”

“Are you sick?” Edgar asked in suspicion in which Ethan felt his jaw tightened and again Naveen responded with a smile.

“My dear Edgar. If I were sick I would’ve been now at one of your operation theatres right?”

“Goodness Naveen don’t even say that!” He scolded.

“Well I guess I have to congratulate you my pal.” Simon got up and pulled Ethan in a tightly hug. “I have to say that you saved me from a big responsibility so thanks a lot Naveen!” Even though he wanted to lighten up the strange moment they were experiencing his thoughts were a fog.

“Ha. Very funny Simon.”

Naveen chuckled to them. “And also I’ve told Harper that she will be the Chief of Medicine... if that’s okay to you.”

“Absolutely Naveen.” Everyone agreed but Ethan didn’t say anything at first. His mentor challenged him with an eyebrow and he nodded in half-agreement.

“Well then doctors if you don’t have anything else to say- have a nice day!”

Ethan really wanted to tell Harper and Simon about it but he made a promise to his mentor to not bring up this conversation ever again.

“I’m really going to miss being a neurosurgeon y’know. It’s just a strange feeling not to touch the scalpel while wearing your mask and gloves to open the skull. Now the only thing that I can touch are papers. Unbelievable.” She chuckled while Ethan was driving his car. “Ethan?”

She raised her eyebrow seeing that he wasn’t paying attention to her. In these days Ethan had been acting differently since she was announced as the Chief. Surely there was no surgery that could stop her from meeting him or giving some slyly glances when they had crossed their ways. He looked deep in thought and if that was a reason behind of it, Harper would be delighted to know it if was about their relationship.

And Ethan Ramsey was thinking about a certain woman. The piercing brown eyes who had appeared multiple times in his dreams. He gripped tightly the steer trying to forget that rare smile she gave him when they were looking after little Ethan Hudson.

After making their coffees from his machine that no one in the hospital knew about it he was waiting for the other while checking his watch. He smirked at the thought of his secret. In the quiet NICU room were heard soft steps of his intern who gave him a rare smile he had never seen before.

“Am I late?”

“No you were just eight minutes late.”

She giggled and teased him. “You’ve been counting the minutes. Wow.”

“Just sit down and take it.”

He handed her the coffee packed in a plastic container just like one those of Starbucks. When she sipped it she felt another kind of taste and let out content moan.

“This isn’t Edenbrook’s coffee. It’s clearly a cappuccino.”

He shook his head before sipping. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Liar. This is exactly the same coffee I do in my apartment and it’s originally from Brazil. It’s the same taste and you-“ she pointed her finger to him. “- can’t deny it.”

Instead of answering her he replayed again the moment when she moved her tongue before saying the letter ‘L’.

Ethan get hold of yourself.

He sighed in defeat revealing his secret. “This is from my private coffee machine.” She clapped her hands in victory while whispering ‘yes’ to herself whereas he scoffed. “As soon as I got the office I vowed never to drink that caffeinated dishwasher again. No one knows it so...”

“I won’t tell a soul.” She said before laughing quietly and holding her hand to stop it but when she saw the warning gaze of her attending she pursed her lips. “Okay sorry.”

“Ethan?”

“Uh, yes Harper what were you saying?”

“You took us into the wrong road.”

He took a look of the signs which were leading them to Boston Common instead of the baseball stadium so he shifted his direction to the right one.

They arrived at the local bar where the baseball game was playing. Ironic to Ethan was that the two squads would always choose blue and red uniforms to play. While he was ordering two drinks to the bartender Harper got an emergency call from the hospital and that’s when he didn’t want to deal this by his own.

Jesus Christ what else are you bringing to me now huh?

Apparently his bragging on his mind was stopped when in the corner of his eyes a young woman in her sportswear appeared with her hair tied up, drinking a bit of cigarette. He almost could feel her perfume. That perfume who was standing next to him two weeks ago and his observation skills never failed him. It was indeed that kind of smell that he wanted to forget but it seemed to be inevitable.

After she texted Bryce on her phone she glanced up to see the tall figure standing in a stool enjoying his casual scotch. Her breath hitched when she realized her cigarette was still on her fingers and luckily she found the nearest bin to throw it. She didn’t want another embarrasment in front of him as she moved closer.

God damnit. How is possible that there’s not a single day without seeing him?

“Someone’s date didn’t go as well as expected huh?” She said playfully as if to break the ice but she knew that a man like him wouldn’t bring his girlfriend here. But Klaw wasn’t sure why she was enjoying this little teasing.

“Did you enjoy your smoke?” That’s where she rolled her eyes meaning that he saw it and Ethan curled the corner of his lips. “About the answer of your question no- I’m not in a date. I’m here to renew the contract between Edenbrook and Banner Health Rep and this drink was for Harper but she had to go back to hospital for an emergency case.”

“Oh I see.” She bit her lower lip nervously. The Banner surname. Such familiarity to her. But she didn’t want to think about it because she knew exactly who was behind of that great company. His words interrupted her thoughts.

“And what about you?”

“I’m trying to spend this miraculously day off with my friends. We saw a baseball game in which I had absolutely no idea how it was played and the funny thing was that I was cheering about the blue ones but then I did the same for the red ones clapping like a fool.” She giggled. “I’m literally stupid.”

“Glad that you are aware of it.”

“Hey.” She smacked his arm. “I’m not the only stupid here by the way.” She smiled while when he furrowed his eyebrows. “You clearly are staying here in this bar thinking ‘damn how am I going to survive those pesky and petulant rich people in front of me’ and trying to avoid them but you can’t do that because the deals with Edenbrook are in your hands. Am I correct?”

“Not always.” She gave him an incredulous look. “Okay you caught me. They’re trying to butter me up with lobster, fine wine and all the ridiculous luxuries they can afford.” He sighed. “It’s terrible. And I’m not a man for... schmoozing.”

She rolled her eyes. “Yeeeah I’m almost believing it.” But she did actually. It was just one of her ways to not express herself and it was clearly a rule she lived with for a long time now.

“As much as it humiliates me to ask a favour of an intern... would you... join me upstairs?”

Did he just ask me to... what? But what if I meet his uncle? No. It’s not possible for him to be there. Whatever happens put a poker face... no one knows you.

He sensed her hesitation and added. “I won’t keep you much longer. I just don’t think I’ll survive much longer on my own.”

“Did I say no?” She smiled again and got up from her seat.

He smiled aback. “Follow me then.”

The box suite had a magnificent view of the stadium and a part of Boston Highway. Surely this thing wasn’t foreign to Klaw. Being with rich people. She knew how they used their strategies to attract doctors like Ethan Ramsey or anyone else. But she wasn’t worried about that. She took a brief look at the guests of the room and luckily was no sign of his uncle.

“If you are going to give me lectures about how to behave in front of them don’t.” To prove it she took two glasses of wines before he would say it.

“Then I’m waiting to see what gems are you going to reveal to them Rookie.”

“Watch and learn Dr. Ramsey.” She clinked her glass with his.

“Don’t be such confident. I’ve seen many doctors changing their priorities to be part of these things and don’t tell me I didn’t warn you.”

“Got it Sir.” She winked and maybe that was a bit unprofessional but that came naturally to her and unexpectedly he didn’t even seem to be bothered. Klaw could feel her guilt building up in herself for not telling the truth to her attending what actually happened before arriving at NICU but her thoughts were interrupted until-

“Ethan, Ethan there you are!” A chirping voice was heard in the middle of the crowd now approaching them with an amusing face.

“Smile a bit Dr. Ramsey.” She muttered.

“I am Dr. Craig.” He muttered back.

“Yes from what I’m seeing now you have a very good poker face.” She mocked.

He scoffed. “I am a doctor not an actor for god’s sakes!” Their voices were now barely a whisper as the representatives were coming closer and closer.

“Then you should be.” And both shared a quick glance.

His, a worried and a troubled one.

Hers, a reassuring and a supportive glance.

He seriously didn’t expect their conversation to go flow and in such a quick way thanks to an intern. They finally managed to renew the contract and she didn’t let them escape without her request for better rates on cardiac services. This was one of the biggest achievements they’ve had and a smirk appeared on her face while turning to his gaze back.

“Okay you don’t need to say it.” He raised his hand averting her.

“The future of medicine?”

“Stop it.”

“One of the most promising doctors?”

“I shouldn’t have brought you here.”

“But you wouldn’t have won without me Dr. Ramsey. Now we’re double trouble.”

He scoffed. “I think you are the real trouble here Rookie. Besides I couldn’t introduce you as a colossal pain in my ass, could I?”

“Ha. Ha.” She mocked him while rolling her eyes.

Both of them took their seats to enjoy the last part of the game there. When she thought everything was back to normal that question came back as if slapped her face.

“Why haven’t you signed up for the competition?”

So Klaw how are you going to respond now to your mentor huh? Another lie you want to create? And you pretend that he’s a liar. Fuck it.

“As my bestie said: ‘Scalpel is enough for me.’ So I’m not going to waste that little free time in diagnosing.”

“Then why in your application was written that you wanted to be under my wing? Care to explain?”

“It was just a bingo.” She shrugged. “I mean I didn’t know with who I wanted to work so I just picked your name since I’ve read your book.”

He huffed. “You are very smart Craig but when it comes to lies you are very subtle.”

She closed her eyes for a moment while bringing back that fidgety of her fingers- and indicator that she was worried about something. “I don’t want to ruin my friendship because I know if I enter to this competition we will start to have rivalries and in the end we will never talk to each other. I’ve been thinking all of this time Dr. Ramsey, believe me. It’s not easy when you just find out that someone will dump you to get their spot on his or her place. It’s like an animalistic fight for territory but this is between people and this takes to a much cruelty and I don’t want to be part of this. I don’t want to have my friendship questioned.”

Ethan listened attentively to her reasoning and her how her logic had been analysing all of the pros and cons of being part of the competition. She clearly wasn’t a clueless intern. She was an adult who seemed to have been through a lot in her life.

“Remarkably wise outlook for an intern.” He admitted and she watched him in surprise. “Even my friends did the same when they started their residencies and now they’re apart from their rivalries and they’ve put boundaries to each other. So you’re smart to value your allies.”

She smiled while shaking her head in disbelief. “You just called me smart two times.”

He warned her. “And if you tell anyone I said that, I will disavow that entirely.”

“Duly noted.”

First, their meeting in London.

Second, their interaction with little Ethan.

And this was the third.

What else they would keep to each other?

——————————————————————

In the interns new apartment another friend of theirs joined them surprisingly with her husky dog. Sienna was the most excited one as she pulled her in crush hug leaving Klaw breathless.

“What a day, what a game!” Elijah said happily.

Jackie shook her head in disbelief. “I still can’t believe Landry’s advice to the manager got the Nighthawks to come back and win.”

“Well I wouldn’t say it was all me.” Landry grinned triumphantly. “All I did was examine the evidence and diagnose the problem. Which is why you can all kiss that diagnostic team position goodbye.”

“Ha. Dream on, buddy. I’ll give you a run for your money!”

While they were laughing Sienna and Klaw were curled up in a couch patting Jonah’s furry.

“Why did you name him Jonah?”

“I don’t know it just came out naturally. And I’m glad I put that name too. Sienna...”

“Yes?” She asked, her encouraging smile always evident on her face.

Before Klaw would talk about her proposition to move to this apartment her phone rang.

Who in the goddamn hell calls in this hour?

She excused herself while going to the balcony and shut the glass door carefully. “Hello?”

“Good evening Miss Craig! I-I’m terribly sorry that I’m calling in such lateness!” She recognised this voice. It was the receptionist of the apartment where she was staying.

“Yes Billy. Tell me.”

“Uhm there’s a package that came from postal service ma’am and it’s from Greece.”

“From Greece? Who sent this?”

“Let me check ma’am...” she heard some ruffles and scratches. “It’s from Ms. Zelda Ahmad. The location is Athens. What should I do with it?”

Her heart wrenched when she heard her aunt’s name in such a long time. The last meeting with her was when she buried her parents and her brother and went immediately to Los Angeles. To go to that inevitable and dangerous path which seemed to never have ended for her.

“Uhm ma’am are you there?” Billy asked when he didn’t hear anything from the owner and thought to ask her again. “What should I do with the package?”

“Keep it.” She said courtly. “I’ll be there as soon as possible to take it.”

“As you wish ma’am.”

She ended abruptly the call remembering why her aunt had sent her a package. After that Sienna opened the glass door sensing her friend’s troubled mind. “Is everything okay Klaw?”

“Oh, yes Sienna. No worries but can you guys keep Jonah for a minute?”

“Yeah sure but- where are you going?”

“There’s something that I’ve should done before.” She didn’t know how she created that line and Sienna gave her a smile which she did aback. Still not knowing the reason behind of that.

If her friends would’ve known how fast she came to their apartment... clearly they didn’t know that a black muscled Porsche parked in an underground garage was everything that a girl like Klaw Craig would need. She was thankful for this vehicle to have not only the best speed but also the best acceleration to drift a bit where there were no cops patrolling.

She took the package from Billy to jump onto the elevator, her foot tapping nervously to open it. She was afraid of what her aunt could’ve sent her because it had been four years with her absence and thought for a moment of those rare calls on the phone were really something or not.

Klaw didn’t want to open the door while her breath was hitching.

“Oh come on Klaw you can do this. It’s just a package and nothing else.” She scolded herself.

She unlocked the door rapidly and headed to her suite, tossing it to the bed. Her lips twitched several times while eating the insides of her cheeks anxiously. She didn’t know why felt afraid to open it because as much as she could remember she asked Zelda if there was something that her grandma liked such as ornaments or something that she could keep it too to her home. At least reminding bits of her memory.

When she dug the knife inside of it there were some books that she read while she was younger in her years and in the end of it...

She gasped.

The end revealed some medical files with the logo of Edenbrook Hospital. It were clearly her grandmother’s.

Her eyes widened. Now she remembered. She asked Zelda that she needed to see everything that was related to her grandmother’s illness- the treatment, the surgery appointment and the doctor’s name who did the operation. Zelda had said in that time she didn’t remember exactly where she put them because apparently her sister (Klaw’s mother) Marilyn obligated her to not show anything to Klaw.

Upon the files there was a card with some words scribbled.

To my gummy bear niece.

She laughed because she dearly missed the way her aunt called her then started to open it slowly.

Agapití [Dear] Helena,

When you were younger you were always our precious niece that I, Andreas and Mama DD ever wanted. I can’t say how lucky and how proud I am that you’re now a grown woman and an independent one. You know what many other things I could’ve written to you now but I’ll just keep it short. We love you so much and I want to apologise for lying at you at first when you requested Mama DD’s files. Your mother told me to keep them away because she knew your hot temper and you would do everything to find justice. Now no one is stopping you. Here’s everything you need to know which I hope they’ll be helpful. You can continue on your quest my darling. Because I’m waiting and believe me... Mari is waiting too.

xoxo, Z

When she opened the file was the patients name and the condition of her illness altogether with the treatment in which she already knew. But the surgery appointment was nowhere to be found.

“Fuck it!” She shouted while searching for other files. “But if there was a surgery appointment then surely one of them must be on the list of the Diagnostics Team.”

Dr. Banerji’s name wasn’t on the list. The same thing was with Simon but he had told her in the 2011 he was doing some practices in New Mexico and came back after two weeks.

The only names remained were:

Dr. Akash Mirani

Dr. June Hirata

Dr. Kenji Hirata

“Who the hell are these people?” She frowned in annoyance.

Dr. Harper Emery

“Dr. Emery was in Diagnostics Team too? So she knows what has happened to Daisy.” She seethed angrily given the fact that she was a well-respected neurosurgeon. She scoffed. “Even you aren’t perfect as anyone can think Harper Emery.”

True. Nobody was perfect and neither was the last name.

Her eyes landed to the first letter...to the second, to the third until it revealed the full name with the doctor’s title.

Dr. Ethan Ramsey

She stayed still while a chill was running down her spine. Her lips trembled threatening to be welled up in tears. She saw the name again and shook her head in disbelief. Maybe she wasn’t looking properly. Maybe she needed glasses to see better. Maybe...

“No, no... it can’t be... it can’t be.” She said frantically.

She was panting hardly trying to collect herself.

She felt every emotion in one second and couldn’t understand what she was feeling. Relief? Happiness? Anger? Rage? Betray? Fear?

What she knew now was that she had a newly profound change.

Even though she had some bits of good memories with him it seemed like they were vanished.

A change that coursed down her body and made her to look into the mirror on the wall as she remembered some few words.

Competition makes them stronger.

And now she knew exactly what to do. If she wins it she would reach to the truth.

And a new confidence was now appearing even in her voice now.

“Ethan Ramsey... be prepared to see this Rookie being your closest ally.”

She smirked devilishly because if Klaw Helena Craig wanted something... she definitely would take it.

And there was still time before all zeros lined up.

—————————————————-—————

TAGS WILL APPEAR IN A REBLOG!

Part 8: TBA*

Ps: please before you think what’s going to happen in the next part interact with this post.

from now on only the graduation of high school in june is much more important for me now... and also sorry for not replying to your supportive messages and for this post too... i don’t feel like I’m ready... but i truly appreciate them...

until then... stay safe folks...

bye. ❤️ K

#open heart fan fiction #open heart choices #open heart fan fic #open heart au #oh au 1 #ethan ramsey #my mc #ethan ramsey x mc #my writing #bits of friends too

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drariellevalentine · 4 years ago

Text

Medically Inevitable

Chapter 3- Eye-widening Events

Characters:- Arielle Valentine, Sienna Trinh, Elijah Greene, Jackie Varma, Landry Olsen, Ethan Ramsey, Diana Hudson, Kyra Santana, Bryce Lahela

Pairing:- Arielle Valentine x Ethan Ramsey

Warnings:- Death, Miscarriages, PTSD etc.

General PoV:-

Sunlight peeks through the blush tinted curtains in Arielle’s bedroom. Her most relatable song “Older”, by Sasha Sloan plays from her phone, waking her gently. She rises slowly from her queen sized bed, taking her time to follow through her morning routine. After witnessing a vivid sunrise with the accompaniment of a cup of tea, she pins her hair up and steps in her shower. One relaxing shower later, she goes into her walk-in closet and slips on the outfit she picked out last night- a raspberry velvet fitted top paired with white leggings and white pumps. If there’s one thing that Arielle Cerise Valentine loves, it’s jewellery. She goes to the other end of her closet and slips on a pair of matching earrings. Lastly, her mother’s pendant necklace. She felt it was calling to her. After finishing her usual makeup routine and fishtail braid, she steps into the living room, following a delicious scent.

Arielle’s PoV:-

I step into the kitchen to find Sienna and the others laying out a huge breakfast spread. “Oh my god! Guys, when did you even find the time to do this?”

“We wanted to thank you and we all thought we should have a nice roomie breakfast.”, says Sienna.

We all take a seat and eat as much as we possibly could. “Sienna, I swear you had a private chef help you whip up this stuff. It’s so delicious.” Everybody agrees. Sienna blushes and thanks everyone.

“Anyways, I hooked up the TV and bass speakers last night! We are officially ready for a housewarming party!, says Elijah. Everyone starts chiming in ideas for the party, as Sienna notes them down on her phone. We all give her a share of money for the party and decide Sienna and me will go shopping later.

A little while later...

“Have you guys heard the rumours?”, asks Elijah.

“About what?”, you innocently ask.

“About Banerji suddenly quitting.”, Jackie nonchalantly says.

“What?”, Landry exclaims. You nearly spit out your food. “Naveen...quitting! No! It can’t be.”, your mind races.

Landry keeps on rambling, “No going away party?....No announcement?...”

You can’t believe it. Your mind goes to the events of last night, where your godfather and Dr. Ramsey were arguing. Snaps snaps you out of your reverie. “It’s getting late, Ari. You should head for your shift.” You wave goodbye to everyone and head down to the parking lot. Sliding into your Lexus, you drive towards Edenbrook.

Ethan’s PoV:-

You step out of your car, having parked it at your usual spot. You’re about to head inside when you receive a page. Apparently, one of your residents decided to go golfing. You’re about to head inside when you see a rose gold Lexus park next to your BMW. “I’ve never seen this car before, and an excellent driver too.”, he thinks. Out steps a chic dressed woman with a little bag on her back. “Who is this woman?”, you wonder. And that’s when it catches your eye, the violet ombré at the end of her braid. She locks her car, slipping her keys into her pocket while putting on her white coat. “Rookie.”

She looks up, her violet irises laced with surprise. “Dr. Ramsey, Good Morning!”, she says with a cheerful smile. You greet her back. She turns to leave, not wanting for her to leave you say, “Wait. Follow me.” She drops off her belongings and wordlessly follows me. You lead her to the patient who’s doctor decided to ditch his job.

The patient lights up at the sight of her, I mean who wouldn’t! “Goddamnit Ramsey, what is wrong with you today!”

“Are you my doctor?”, the patient asks.

Arielle turns to me with a questioning look.

“This is Kyra Santana. Her doctor decided to ditch his responsibilities so she’s yours now.”

“Ooh yes! Show me off!”, Kyra exclaims.

Arielle chuckles while picking up her chart. “Kyra Santana, age 28, fractured radius in need of casting.”

“Is that all?”, you ask.

“Yes.”, she answers.

“Kyra, tell Dr. Valentine what is actually wrong with you.”

“I’m afraid it’s cancer, my very hot doctor.”

“What?”, Arielle frowns in confusion.

“Check the cell count on the last page, indicating of?...”, you probe.

“Large cell neuroendocrine carcinoma!”

“Yeah, in my left lung.”

“Dr. Valentine, sometimes the problem isn’t always in front of us. You should thoroughly read through a patient’s chart. Nowadays, they let pretty much anyone become healthcare professionals.”

“If you’re here for cancer treatment, how did you break your arm?”

“I saw a bike abandoned by the subway and tried to ride it. Apparently, I’m not very good at it.”, she says gesturing to her arm.

“YOLO huh?”, she laughs.

Kyra laughs.

“Dr. Valentine, what is Kyra’s treatment plan?”

“Well, first we need to cast her arm and then”-

You interrupt her, “Good. Now do that.” You swiftly exit the room.

Arielle’s PoV:-

“Wait! What about”-

“Don’t worry, female version of McDreamy, I already have a treatment plan and a CT scheduled right after this.”

“You should know that I’m straight, but I totally support 🏳️‍🌈.”, you ramble in a worry that Kyra might take offence.

She starts laughing so hard, “I was teasing you, I know that you are straight.”

Feeling embarrassed you say, “Let’s cast that arm, shall we.” You cast it firmly.

“Would you like to sign my cast?”, you write ‘Miss McDreamy’ on it. “Damn! You have legible.. no really pretty handwriting.”, Kyra says. You thank and wave to her.

Later, you are running an errand for Ines. “ Hey Arielle, do me a favour and give these labs to Dr. Ramsey. He’ll be in Room 413.”

You enter the room looking at your pager and say, “Excuse me Dr. Ramsey, Dr. Delarosa asked me to”- You finally look up to see Chief Emery with her hand on his cheek, whispering furtively but quietly. “Oh!...um...I...I’ll just leave these here.” You can bet a million bucks that your cheeks just turned 50 shades of red. You run out of the room and accidentally bump into someone.

“Sorry!”

“Hey Elle!”

“Elle?”

“Yeah, short for Arielle.”

“Okay.” You notice Kyra sitting a bed. “And where are you off to, Madam Flatterer?”

“About to be prepped for a lobectomy, assisted by yours truly.”

“What?!”

“After the CT scan results came back, it kind of happened pretty fast.”

You pull Bryce aside. “Take care of her for me.”

“Don’t worry, Dr. Zimmerman is an amazing surgeon.”

“She’ll be golden.”

“Woah! I never thought I’d see Dr. McDreamy fighting with another Dr. McDreamy.”, you laugh as Bryce wheels Kyra into the OR.

You head down into the ER to see if there are any cases, where you see Aurora, whose ass is being kissed. “Hey Aurora.”

“What?”

“I said hi. It’s legal to greet someone.”

“Well it shouldn’t be.” Just then, you hear the ambulance siren. You both rush to the entrance as the ambulance doors’ open.

A very muscular paramedic steps out, helping an unconscious woman with an oxygen mask on.

“Diana Hudson, office fire, all of her coworkers got out but she’s pregnant and couldn’t move fast enough.”

“How long has she been unconscious?”, you ask.

“She fainted in the ambulance.”

“Serious smoke inhalation, but I hope I got them out in time.”

“ Wait? You got them out! What about the firefighters?”

“They were taking too long.”, he says with a shrug.

“That was really brave of you. Not many people would have done that...”

“Rafael Aveiro.”

“Dr. Arielle Valentine.”

“I’ll see you around, Dr. Valentine.”

After Diana gets admitted, you search her phone for her emergency contacts. You’re scrolling down when one particular contact catches your eye. ‘Dr. Ethan Ramsey’

“No way!” You rush to Dr. Ramsey’s office and knock. “Come in.”

You enter the room. “What do you want, Rookie?”

“I was going through my patient’s emergency contacts when I saw your name. Do you know a Diana Hudson?”

“Diana?” He follows me to the patient’s room as I told him what happened.

You enter the room and are relieved to find Diana awake.

“Hi Diana, I’m”-

“Ethan!”, the woman exclaims.

“Diana! What have you gotten into this time?”

“There was a fire and I couldn’t get out. Luckily, you had Superman on payroll!” You laugh.

“I’ll call your sisters and fly them in from Arizona. I’m so glad you’re alright.”

“Diana, this is Dr. Valentine. Dr. Valentine, Diana was my first patient when I was an intern.”

“What were you in for?”

“Burst appendix, I was totally freaked out but Ethan calmed me down. Even kept in touch over the years.”

“That’s so sweet!”, you exclaim.

You take a stethoscope and warm it on your palm. “So, was Dr. Ramsey always like this?”

“Oh yes, he’s aged like a fine wine, don’t you think?”, she teasingly says that leaves you giggling.

“Dr. Valentine, the examination if you don’t mind.”

You run the resonator and take all her vitals.

“Did the EMT manage to get my purse?” You hand it to her. She searches for something and frowns.

“Is everything alright, Diana?, you ask.

“Yeah, it’s just I saw this adorable stuffed frog and thought it would have been perfect for my little tadpole here, I know it’s silly.”

“No it’s not. It’s absolutely beautiful, in fact Dr. Ramsey and I can go and get it for you.” You give him a pleading look. He agrees and you both step out of the room.

“How are her vitals?”

“They’re all fine, but her breathing is short and her elevated B.P should be low. I’ll order a chest x-ray and a urine sample.

“Good work. Drop off the labs and meet me at the hospital’s entrance in 10 minutes.”

You get the sample and order the x-ray, then walk towards the entrance, leaving your white coat behind. You see Dr. Ramsey, sitting in the driver’s seat of a BMW. You ride shotgun.

“Nice car, Dr. Ramsey.”

“Thank you.”

He turns on the radio and a concerto comes on.

“So...Are you and Chief Emery.. um...in a relationship?”, you tentatively ask.

“I don’t advertise my private life at work.”

“We’re not at work.”, you counter.

He sighs, “Before she became Chief, we were in an on and off relationship. As of last year, no.”

“What about you?” You’re surprised.

“I ended a six year relationship two months ago. He was jealous that I had gotten matched into Edenbrook and he didn’t, so he decided to screw with my then best friend.”, you confide. “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be telling you all this.”

“It’s fine. And for what it’s worth, you should never let anybody hinder your career.”

“Trust me, I learned that lesson a long time ago.” He shoots you a look. Luckily, you’ve arrived at the burning building.

You exit the car and say, “Let’s hope it didn’t fall there.”, gesturing to the raging inferno. You and him scan the surroundings for the little toy. You’re about to give up when... “Look!” He points to a drain, where a green toy is stuck. You both rush and take a look, it’s deep and dark.

“Hell no. I am not going down there! Haven’t you seen IT?”

“It’s just a movie, anyways you won’t be able to reach it.”

“Can you hold my waist?”

“What?”, he looks at you like you’re an idiot.

“I’m very flexible. I can reach down there and grab it with a flashlight but I’ll fall down because I don’t have any support. If you hold me...”

“Fine.”

You lay down and wiggle your upper body down into the drain while he holds your lower waist tightly.

You twist incredibly low and he has to hold your hips instead. “Almost there.....Got it!”

Dr. Ramsey pulls you up from the waist. “How did you manage to get that?”

“A girl’s got to have some secrets.” He hands you a towel to wipe yourself off and a little bag for the plastic toy.

“I’ll get this sterilised and given to Diana.”

“I’ve never seen someone go to this lengths for their patient.”

“Well I’m not like most doctors.”

“Well you could have done it to impress me.” You arrive at Edenbrook.

“Not really. When Diana was telling us about the little frog she bought for her baby, you could see that beautiful smile on her face. There’s nothing more beautiful than a mother’s love towards her child.” You see Dr. Ramsey tense up, but you decide to say nothing. Thanking him for the ride you head inside.

Some time later, Danny hands you the results for Diana. You’re reading through them when, your heart stops. Diana has preeclampsia, the same diagnosis your mother had 24 years ago. You rush to find Dr. Ramsey and hand him the charts. His face falls.

“They’re in serious trouble, aren’t they.”, you say sadly.

“Come on, Rookie. Let’s go tell her.” Your face falls as you imagine her face. “That’s the job, Rookie. Nothing we can do about it.”

You enter the room and Diana notices your faces. “What is it?”

“Have you heard of preeclampsia, Diana? It’s a condition that affects 1 out of 10 pregnant women. It means that the blood flow from your placenta is slowing down, depriving the baby of vital nutrients.”

“Does that mean my little tadpole is in trouble?”

“No, it just means that we’ll have to deliver the baby earlier.”, he says.

“No, I won’t. It’s too early. If he’s not in danger right now, then I won’t.”

“Diana, listen. I know this is scary but if you wait, it might be too late. There are post-birth complications but this is the best way.”

“No, I won’t.” Dr. Ramsey leaves the room.

You turn to her, desperate, with tears in your eyes, “I know what it’s like Diana. My mother had preeclampsia too. She was in the exact same place as you, and by waiting, it cost us a great deal. But I survived, I’m living proof. Please don’t wait. A child should never have to grow up without their mother. It’s the worst form of torture a child could ever face.” Realising tears are streaming down your face, you rapidly leave the room and accidentally crash into someone.

“Hey, hey, hey. What’s wrong?” You look up to see Bryce. He wipes your tears and pulls you aside.

“It’s okay, it’s just one of my patients hit really close to home.”

“A beautiful face like yours shouldn’t cry. Come with me, I am making it my personal mission to cheer you up. He leads you to a milkshake bar a few blocks away and orders a large Oreo milkshake with a ton of ice cream.

“You really know the way to a girl’s heart. I mean it, thank you.”

“You’re welcome. Anyways, you remind me of my sister, she’s all the way in Hawaii. So you can be my little teenage sister.”

“I’m not that young.”, you roll your eyes.

“How old are you?”

“24.”

“I’m 27.”

“So what? I graduated a few years early.”

The huge milkshake arrives. Bryce grabs two spoons and hands one to you.

“Dig in!” Between the two of you, you manage to finish the whole thing.

“That was absolutely delightful.” You open your wallet but Bryce doesn’t let you.

“No way am I letting you pay!”

He pays and you both exit the store. Suddenly your pager beeps. “911 for Diana! I gotta go, bye!”

You rush towards the hospital and run into the waiting room, breathless. You find Dr. Ramsey sitting in one of the chairs, attempting to speak you end up coughing. He looks up. You’re finally able to speak. “Wh...what happened..Dr. Ramsey?”, you manage to ask with your chest heaving.

“Diana had a seizure. The baby’s just been delivered via c-section. It’s 50-50 he’ll survive the night.” Your heart tightens. “Diana?”

“She died.” Your throat tightens, it’s hard to breathe. You take deep breaths, recalling what your psychologist said. “I’m so sorry, Dr. Ramsey”-

“I’m fine.” He gets up and leaves; turning around to say, “Go home, Arielle.” He leaves. You can’t find it in your heart to leave and find your legs leading you to the NICU. You step inside and find Dr. Lozoya.

“Is is okay if I give this toy to him? His mother would have wanted him to have it. It’s been sterilised.”

“Of course. Poor thing, we’ll know in the morning.”

She leaves, leaving you alone. You place the little tadpole near the baby.

Your breath catches in your throat as your eye catches the name. ‘Ethan Hudson.’ You want to help him but don’t know how. You start humming one of your favourite arias. One that your mother used to sing as you stand near the cube.

Ethan’s PoV:-

You receive word from one of the nurses that Diana’s baby is in the NICU. You’re walking near when you hear a mesmerising voice, humming a very well known French aria. You follow the voice and find Arielle humming, standing near the baby.

“What are you doing here? I told you to go home.”

“I don’t like the fact that he has to fight for his life alone. I’m staying with him.”

“Do you mind if I can join you?”

“Not at all.”

You sit beside her on the loveseat.

“Ethan...”, she whispers. You’re shocked that she just called you by your first name.

“Excuse me?”

She doesn’t break her trance. Instead she answers, “Ethan...the baby’s name is Ethan, Ethan Hudson. She named him after you.”

You’re speechless. Your eyes flash towards the name tag. “She was right, she had named him after you.”, you think. Your throat tightens.

“You must have known her pretty well.”

“I did. I didn’t have many friends back then. I just meant to check on her, knowing that my patients were out there, living their live to the fullest,.. it really kept me going. She was recently divorced and feeling alone, so she insisted we meet for coffee. It turned into more emails and coffees, and Sunday roasts in between.”

You can see that her eyes are red. “Does it ever get easier?”, she asks.

“Grieving for the loss of a patient isn’t a bad thing. I would be more concerned if you didn’t. To answer your question, we have a certain process when it comes to... the end stage. It helps the family to cope a bit more easier.” Her face remains the same.

“The first patient I lost was in my 4th week. I didn’t make any mistakes though. He had an inoperable malignant tumour in his brain. He wasn’t much older than I am now. It was hard.” She turns to look at you, her violet irises meeting yours.

“She trusted us, she trusted her life and her baby’s. Maybe if I had talked to her some more, she would have agreed sooner.”

“She gave her consent to the surgery, but she had a seizure in between. She said to me that you were the one who had convinced her. How did you do it?”

She takes a deep breath. “I...My mother was diagnosed with preeclampsia in her late third trimester. Since my brother was perfectly healthy, she didn’t want to deliver me yet and kept putting it off. “It...”, her voice breaks. “It cost her her life.”

“I’m so sorry, Arielle. You should have told me, I would have taken you off this case.”

“Do you know what the worst part is? She was fine, after she gave birth. We were all so happy that she had survived, and then a day later, she died. An artery was slightly nicked, causing internal bleeding. They didn’t notice until it was too late.” Tears are streaming down her face.

You wipe them away. “I thought, at least I could save her, but I couldn’t.”

She wipes her face and says, “I’m sorry, I’m the one who’s supposed to be offering condolences.”

“It’s okay.” She wordlessly places her hand on your thigh. You place your hand on top of hers. You see her drift off to sleep and you do the same.

“Bzzzt....Bzzzt...” You wake up to see Arielle, fallen asleep on your shoulder. And then, you see baby Ethan, his heartbeat strong. A smile spreads across your lips.

“Arielle....Arielle?” You gently tap her cheek.

Arielle’s PoV:-

You faintly hear someone calling your name. Your eyes flutter open to Dr. Ramsey’s face. You realise that you’ve been resting your head on his shoulder. You jerk up and apologise, “Oh my god! I’m so sorry. Your shirt’s ruined!” Your cheeks turn red for the second time today. “It’s alright. Look.” He points to baby Ethan’s cubicle. You suddenly remember where you are and jump up and rush over to see. There he is lying peacefully, breathing in and out, heart beating strong. “Je suis si fier de toi petit têtard. Tu ressembles à ta mère.(I’m so proud of you, little tadpole. You look just like your mother.)”, you whisper in French to the baby.

“Tu parles français?(You speak French?), he asks.

“Oui. Très couramment en fait. Ma mère est ... était française.(Yes. Quite fluently actually. My mother is...was French.), you reply.

Your pager buzzes. “Crap! I have rounds in 20 minutes.”

“You should go.” You turn to leave. “Thank you Arielle.”

“You’re welcome.” You leave the room and head towards the locker room to shower and change.

Thrity minutes into the shift, and suddenly the central paging system goes off, asking all the medical interns to gather in the atrium.

Sighing, I ask Sarah to run a blood test of my patient in room 508 before hurrying down the halls.

God knows what happened this time!

"Any idea what's wrong?" I nudge Jackie reaching the group in the atrium. Sienna is yet to join us but everyone else is here.

Jackie just shrugs.

A few minutes later Sienna joins us. "What happened guys?"

"No idea," I answer as Elijah and Landry is fanning over some comic.

"Good morning interns," Dr.Emery tries to grab our attention.

She's standing in front us, near the reception desk, Dr. Ramsey standing by her side. And unlike Dr. Emery he seems angry and exasperate.

"As many of you may have heard, Dr. Banerji is now a person of early retirement," She starts. Your mind starts racing again, no matter how much you try to calm it.

“Dr. Banerji is retiring? But why? He loves treating patients, saving lives. There's no way he wants to leave all this on his own.”, you think. Harper Emery keeps saying things but I can hardly concentrate.

“He left. I won’t be able to talk to him, apologize to him, bond with him.” All my hope shatters.

"-which leaves and empty position in the Diagnostics team. And this year you guys will be competing each other for that position. Dr. Ramsey will explain you the rest."

That's the last thing I hear her say before Dr. Ramsey takes over.

"We'll be evaluating you every week on the basis of how well you solve your cases."

"Your weekly evaluation result will be published in the announcement board every week," he continues. "Anyone who wants to join drop by my office before midnight tomorrow to sign up your names."

"You all can go and resume your regular activities now," Dr. Emery smiles before walking away.

Dr. Ramsey too walks away but towards the hall where construction of the new block is going on.

"I can't believe they will be taking interns on their beloved Diagnostics Team!" Landry says surprised.

"Development of the interns must be so important to them," Sienna says thoughtfully and Jackie scoffs.

Leaving the group to talk I rush after Dr. Ramsey.

“Dr. Ramsey, wait," I call after him. He stops and turns around.

"I- is this what you were talking about with Dr. Emery yesterday?"

"Yes," he sighs.

"But you said that we aren’t ready yet."

"Because you aren’t," he stops then again continues thoughtfully, " But are any of us truly ready for anything."

He says, walking away leaving me alone to deal with my thoughts.

“Naveen left. I don’t know where he lives, why he left; hell! I don’t even know if he’s in the US or not.”

“Cosa farò adesso!?(What will I do now!?)”, you scream in Italian.

#playchoices #open heart #ohsy #ethanjonahramsey #modern au #ethan x mc #collab #fantiction

18 notes · View notes

mayareth · 5 years ago

Text

Our little frog

Pairing: Fenrir x Cassiopée

Type: Angst

Warnings: child loss, depression, suicide tendencies.

Word count: 1601

This fic is inspired by the so-well-written headcanons of the fantastic @hejer-maomao 💙 I have to say, I wanted to write something NSFW for the Lancelot Appreciation Week (and the Kinktober challenge) but I was more inspired for some angst (thanks to Mr Sunshine, this drama is ruining my life). It's not as good as I wanted it to be but I still wanted to share it with you because I don't think I’ll have the time to write something else soon (thanks to the university life, heck, I thought it would have the taste of freedom).

Hope you enjoy!

*******

FENRIR’S POV

Cassie was lying next to me, smiling as every morning. Waking up to her beautiful face was the utmost joy to me, especially since we weren't two but three in this bed. I touched her small baby bump while kissing her forehead softly.

”Good morning, honey.”

I whispered in her ear.

”Good morning, cupcake.”

She said, her lips brushing mine. I loved this quiet moment we enjoyed every day before being caught in the agitation of the day. The sun reflected in her green eyes, making them sparkles like two emeralds. I brushed off a hair lock from her face to give her a proper morning kiss when suddenly, Cassie moved both of her hands to her belly, wincing.

”Cassie, are you ok? Are you feeling sick again? Do you need me to bring you tea or something to soothe your cramps or maybe...”

She shook her head although she was now avoiding my gaze.

”No, it's alright Fenrir. Don't worry, it often happens, I’m pretty sure it's because I'm now at the end of my third month of pregnancy. It's just my body adapting itself to this little one. Also, if you stay under the sheets five more minutes, you’re gonna miss the special army meeting your so-called partner appointed this morning.”

Panic flooded through me when I looked at the clock. The meeting! I’m going to be scolded by Daddy Sirius again and Luka will cook tomatoes for a whole month if I arrive late at a meeting with the Red Army. No way I would let this happen. I jumped out of bed and grabbed my uniform, getting change as fast as I could.

”See you later, Cassie! And you little princess, don't exhaust your mother too much.”

”How can you be so sure it’s a girl? When did you leave your guns to become a gynaecologist?”

Cassie was smiling, the kind of fake smile I could sometimes see on Sirius’ face. However, I barely paid attention to it, thinking she was just tired and barely had a look for her as I put on my military cap.

”I know what I produced, I’ll let ya know!”

I winked at her before hurrying to the Central Quarter.

*******

After the meeting, I decided to enjoy the good weather and to take a stroll in the shopping streets. As I walked, I gazed at the shops when some little green baby pyjamas caught my attention. I thought back at when Cassie announced me she was expecting. Once I had calmed down from the extreme joy I had experienced, we decided together to attribute the green colour to this baby, a colour of hope that suits boys and girls alike. The little one became our little frog, the cutest frog in the world. I could already picture myself, playing in the fields with our child, running and jumping everywhere after a picnic on a sunny day like this one. Ray would be the godfather and Margareth the godmother of course. What a lucky baby...

Remembering the look on my beloved face this morning, I decided to make her a surprise and bought the cute pyjamas. I walked back to the headquarters, feeling as light as a feather, daydreaming. I couldn't wait to become a father.

*******

When I came back home, however, something in the atmosphere was different. I tensed immediately. I ran into Margareth. Worry was all across her features.

”Hey, Margareth, did something happened while I was out? Please, tell me.”

I’ve never seen her like this. My best buddy’s woman looked like she was about to cry.

”It’s Cassiopée... She locked herself up in her room and refused to let anyone in since this morning. It's not just a bad mood. There must be something else. Usually, when she has a problem with someone or something, she always tells me. But here... She told me that she wasn't worthy to get anyone’s help or affection.”

I immediately understood that it must be related to the baby. Bad mood or not, my most important duty now was to check what was wrong and to stay with her.

”That’s not good, not good at all... Please, Margareth, tell Sirius I will do my paperwork later. For now, I have other priorities. Explain the situation and...”

”He already knows. He gave you the rest of the day off as well. Go and tell me as soon as you can if I can help.”

”I will, thanks.”

I hurried to my beloved room as if my life or hers was on the line. Please, please, please, tell me it's just one more weird effect the hormones have on pregnant women, please tell me she is just in a really bad mood and she will get better after a good night of sleep. Please...

I repeated this polite word like a mantra in my head until I reached her door. I knocked. No one answered.

”Cassie? Cassie, it's me, Fenrir.”

I knocked again, desperately but she gave me no sign. Finally, I decided to open the door by myself, with the key she gave me when we got married, as a symbol that we were now sharing everything.

*******

I will never forget what I saw this day. My wife, the love of my life, the woman I share everything with was there, lying on her bed. I could have thought she was just resting if there wasn't a river of red liquid dripping between her legs. Her complexion was so pale I mistook her with a ghost for a short moment. My head was spinning and all I could do was to rush over her bed to check if she was still alive. Cassie sighed faintly when I took her hand in mine and placed it against my cheek. Cold. So cold.

”Please, honey, wake up...”

When I felt her hand becoming wet, I realized I was crying. I was about to scream at the top of my lungs when Cassiopée finally opened her eyes.

”Fenrir... Let me here... I... I don't... Deserve your attention... I’m so useless...”

I placed a finger on her delicate lips, making her stop right away.

”A doctor is on his way. Try to hold on until then. Please, don’t leave me, Cassie...”

”Fenrir... You haven't listened to me... I lost our child... I don't deserve to be loved by anyone after this... Just let me die here, with our little frog...”

The air in the room seemed so cold to me at this moment, even though we were still in the middle of July. My blood turned to ice when I heard the joyful lady I married spitting such horrible things about her. She stared at me, panting, until the tears in her eyes made her turn away.

”Find someone better than me. A woman that could give birth to your beautiful child. Your daughter, your precious little one...”

I felt my heart breaking into thousands of pieces. How can she say such horrible things? Of course, I was extremely pained that she had lost out child but that doesn't make me less in love with her. In no time, I found myself hugging tight the only woman I cared at that moment.

”Cassie. Listen to me now. I love you and I will always love you. Remember? We promised to support each other in the best as well as in the worst moments. Tell me you still mean it. Please.”

I felt her falling apart in my arms, crying and letting all the tears she had held back falling. Soon, my jacket was wet so was her dress but neither of us cared. We just held each other until the doctor arrived.

*******

”Had it really to be Kyle?”

Cassie asked me while we were getting ready for the night, a sad smile on her face.

”He had always been taking care of everyone in the Red Army, but also in all of Cradle. He is the best doctor we can find here when he is not drunk, that is. I noticed he wasn't today. I have to say it surprised me.”

We both chuckled as if the tension that had been in the air all this time was finally vanishing.

”Was it really necessary to add that I truly was Lancelot’s cousin? Am I really that awful?”

”As a patient, certainly. As a wife, you are all I could ever ask for. You are so brave I have no doubt you will become even stronger after this.”

She stayed quiet as I kissed her on the forehead, perfectly aware that difficult times were ahead of us and we will both need time to recover from this loss. But tonight, we had both agreed that enough tears had been shed.

”Goodnight, honey”

”Goodnight, cupcake”

We acted as if everything was normal even though we both knew neither of us was alright. Our little frog was gone, we haven't had the chance to meet her and all we can do for now is imagining all sorts of adventures we could have lived together. I was doing this and I knew Cassie was doing the same. As soon as the clock struck midnight, tears would start to fall again, as if we wanted to create a lake for our tadpole.

”I swear that if this tadpole has a lake, the next one will have a cradle.”

All my wife could do was to nod as she eventually fell asleep in my arms and I was soon following her into a sleepy yet restless end of the night.

*******

Still here? So I’m tagging @hejer-maomao of course, @muggzc, @kiarigirl, @plumpblueberry, @lovingsiriusoswald, @lovingikesen, @jonahlover42069, @pianoperson, @alloveroliver-ash (angst break in the middle of the Kinktober) and @saphyhowl.

Please tell me if you want to be tagged/untagged!

#I promised to write something based on these headcanons #here you are 💙#I hesitated to end this fic on a breakup #but I couldn't make them suffer more #my writing #fanfic #fenrir godspeed #cassiopée #angst #my cradlesona

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megabadbunny · 7 years ago

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A Rose by Any Other Martha

The short answer? I think they would become friends pretty quickly but until then, things might be a little...strained. :’D

As for the long answer, I think the day Rose Tyler appears in her original universe is an interesting day for Martha, as she thinks of it, later.

“Wow,” says Martha, after the hubbub has died down a bit. It’s only taken a few hours (or a few years, but who’s counting?), but Rose and the Doctor have finally stopped hugging and laughing and crying and laugh-crying long enough for her to get a word in edgewise. “I finally get to meet the infamous Rose Tyler. Big day for me.” Rose’s smile wanes only the littlest bit as she steps back from the Doctor to take Martha in properly, her eyes making their first departure from the Doctor since she first showed up beaming outside the TARDIS doors. “Big day for me, too,” she replies. “Martha, was it? What’s your story?” It’s a friendly enough question, the shell of it, but Martha can see through to the meat. There’s distrust, too, and suspicion, and the vague scent of someone threatened, though Martha hasn’t any clue why Rose would feel any of those things. She herself doesn’t have much experience with this sort of behavior, but she’s watched enough of her friends prowling around each other, catlike and narrow-eyed and hackles raised, to recognize this primal behavior when she sees it. She shrugs—she figures it’s noncommittal, non-threatening. “No story,” she says, honestly enough. “Nothing much anyway. Got caught up in some funny business at hospital, the Doctor offered to take me on a trip after.” “And one trip became two became a whole bunch,” Rose supplies. “Oh, Martha’s brilliant,” says the Doctor, flashing that stupid-pretty grin of his as he loops one arm around Martha’s shoulders—and is Martha imagining things, or has a shadow fallen across Rose’s face? “Brilliant, astonishing, molto bene, a fantastically clever physician-in-training with brains for centuries, slick as an otter covered in oil!” “Erm, thanks?” says Martha uncertainly. “A quality addition to Team TARDIS, don’t you think?” the Doctor continues, and without waiting for a reply, goes on to say, “The two of you will get on wonderfully. Actually, why not start now, take a few minutes to get to know each other?” He takes off before the words have finished leaving his mouth, long strides taking him out of the console room before either woman has time to blink.

“Wait,” Rose calls after him, frowning. “Where are you going?” “Just a routine trip down to the basement, got to check a few things after that rough landing. Be back in a tic!” the Doctor shouts over his shoulder. “Come on, now, time to make friends!” “Sir, yes, sir!” Martha calls after him with a mock-salute. “Right,” says Rose, quietly. “Friends.” She doesn’t turn around to face Martha. Fidgeting uncomfortably, Martha taps one pointed-boot-toe on the grating after a few moments have passed, and it becomes increasingly apparent that, no, the Doctor won’t be back in a tic after all; whether he found something in the basement that genuinely needs work or he’s stalling for some unknown reason, it’s just going to be her and Rose for a while. And Rose doesn’t seem too interested in that. Martha grimaces behind Rose’s back. She hates to be petty, but something about Rose is—well, unlikeable seems just a little strong, doesn’t it? Especially since they’ve only just met. But maybe once she gets her talking, Rose will surprise her with some hitherto-unrevealed good qualities. Surely she has one or two. “So, Rose,” Martha starts. “Heard a lot about—” “Sorry,” interrupts Rose with a sigh, and Martha watches as one hand flies up to rub tiredly at her temple. “I’m a little worn out. Maybe we can do this later?” (“Or never?” she adds under her breath, as if she thinks Martha won’t hear.) Biting her tongue and anything that might roll off it without her permission, Martha nods and slaps on a smile, even though Rose won’t see either. “Sure,” she says. “Later. When you’re less…worn out. All that universe-hopping has gotta be pretty exhausting, right?” “You have no idea,” says Rose, not bothering to turn around even once before she stalks off from the console room. Martha grumbles under her breath. “Oh, I’ve got an inkling,” she says mutinously.

***

“…so then the Face of Boe gave up his remaining energy to open up the Motorway, and the Doctor and I finally had a proper chat about what happened with you, and the Time War and Gallifrey and everything, and then…” Martha trails off, watching Rose as she drinks in neither her tea nor a word Martha has said, probably not for some time now. Instead she stares blankly into the middle distance, eyes glazed and unfocused, stirring her spoon round in her cup. It’s a series of lazy circles, a flash of silver in a tiny beige-brown vortex that’s growing cooler by the second, much like Martha’s attitude. “…then the Doctor asked me to carry his children, and we had a procedure for it on Neptune, and I’m expecting a litter of his tadpoles in seventy-three months,” Martha finishes drily. “Good, good,” says Rose, her tone as absent as her expression. “So do you think you’re done now, or…?” Martha frowns. “Done what?” “Traveling with the Doctor. When do you think you’ll be done?” Eyebrow piqued with surprise, Martha sets her tea down on the galley-table, gently. “Dunno. Guess that’s up to him, isn’t it?” “Sure, I just don’t want things to get awkward for you or anything.” “Awkward?” “Oh, y’know.” Finally Rose takes a sip of her tea; whether or not she registers how tepid it is at this point is anyone’s guess. “That whole third wheel thing isn’t any fun, is it?” Martha’s smile grows somewhat strained. “I wouldn’t know.” “I mean, nothing against you or anything, I’m sure you’re lovely once you let that whole superiority complex die down a little bit. But the Doctor—” “Superiority complex?” Martha tries to say, but Rose won’t stop talking, what a surprise. “—the Doctor and I just have all this shared history, you see,” Rose continues, “and that’s not gonna feel great for you, is it? Listening to us with all our stories, feeling out of the loop, all that.” Gritting her teeth so loudly she’s surprised Rose can’t hear her molars cracking, Martha forces her mouth into a smirk. “Oh, it’s so nice of you to worry,” she says, “but you needn’t bother. The Doctor and I have plenty history all on our own.” “Sure, I bet you do,” replies Rose, and her smug little grin makes Martha want to shake her by the shoulders. “Oh, yeah,” says Martha. “Loads of stuff. We really bonded, y’know. Actually, I was a little concerned for you when you came onboard, because you’ve missed so much, you see.” Rose nods. “Sort of a pesky little side effect of saving the universe, sometimes you miss out on things. What’s a girl to do?” “I’d recommend some grip-strengthening exercises, for starters,” Martha mutters. Rose’s eyes flash with hurt, and Martha instantly regrets the words leaving her mouth—cow or not, Rose only slipped into the other universe, only lost her grip on that lever, because she was trying to help the Doctor, and the memory is clearly quite painful for them both. Some blows are too low and Martha suspects this was one of them. Besides, it isn’t like Martha has any idea how hard it was to hang on to that lever, especially with all those Cybermen and Daleks whizzing past. These cheap jabs are starting to make Martha feel sort of queasy. But before she can apologize, Rose downs the rest of her lukewarm tea in one gulp and fixes Martha with a bright-eyed stare. “So how’s your little crush going anyway?” she asks sweetly. Martha chokes on the air in her lungs. “S-sorry?” she splutters. “Your little crush on the Doctor,” Rose replies, all friendly innocence. “Oh, but I’m not—I wouldn’t say—it’s not that he’s not, but he’s not really—and I don’t—” Laughing gaily, Rose flashes Martha a wide grin, one Martha suspects is normally quite charming when she doesn’t smell blood on the air. Right now, it’s positively shark-like. “No worries, mate. I won’t give your secret away. Besides, I think it’s kind of cute, the way you trail after him like an adoring kitten.” Martha’s immediate impulse is to bristle, but instead she returns Rose’s grin with one of her own. “What can I say?” she asks, sipping delicately at her tea. “I guess I was just kind of a goner after he kissed me.” Rose’s grin slips by millimeters. “Yeah, well, there’s no accounting for taste.” “That how he justified picking you up that first time?” “Wow, you really do know a lot about our time together. Just how much did the Doctor talk about me while I was gone? What’s it like, hearing your crush constantly talk about another woman?” Martha glares at Rose. Rose glares back. “Ah, there they are!” interrupts the cheerful voice of the Doctor, only just preceding him before he pops into the galley, all confidence and bouncy heels and cheeky grin. “How are my two favorite twenty-first century women today?” “Fine,” says Martha, just a little too loudly. “Tremendous,” says Rose, just a little bit louder. “Never better,” Martha shoots back louder still. Glance flickering between them, the Doctor steps back, eyes wide. “Right,” he says, his brow furrowing in confusion. But soon enough the grin returns as bright as ever. “Anyway, I was just thinking, how does a trip to Broadway sound, eh? But wait, it gets better! How does a trip to the Golden Age of Broadway sound? I’m thinking flappers and gangsters and top hats and white ties and tails, feathers and sequins and music and pastiche galore! Seems like just the ticket, doesn’t it?” “Sounds just as good as a spot of Dickens in 1869,” chirps Rose. “Or maybe even as good as Shakespeare himself in the 1500’s?” chimes in Martha. “Or even Elvis in 1953!” “Or,” says the Doctor, “very possibly it’s related to none of those things in the slightest! Except for the stage bit. And the fun.” He flashes them both an encouraging (if a bit expectant) smile. “Remember fun? Doesn’t that sound nice?” Crossing her arms, Rose stares at Martha. “Sounds great.” “Just spiffy.” Rose’s cheek twitches. “Positively smashing.” Fingers drumming nervously against his thighs, the Doctor looks between the two of them once again, his eyes narrow and suspicious as if Rose and Martha make up two pieces to a puzzle he can’t quite solve. But he just shakes it off and turns to leave the galley, grabbing Martha’s teacup on the way. “Do you mind?” he asks, even as he downs it. A flush blossoms across Rose’s face as a wicked grin spreads over Martha’s. “Not at all, darling,” she says, fluttering her lashes when he pushes the empty cup absentmindedly back into her hands. (Rose squeezes her own cup until the handle snaps off.)

***

“Ah,” says the Doctor, drinking in a deep lungful of ocean-salty air, “Smell that Atlantic breeze. Nice and cold. Lovely.” Turning back toward his companions, plimsolls scuffing the pavement, he beams. “Martha, Rose, have you met my friend?” he asks, gesturing to the scene before them. Stepping outside the TARDIS, Martha follows the line of the Doctor’s pointing finger, up, up, up, until she sees— “Is that…?” she starts to ask excitedly, and the Doctor nods, urging her onward. Martha’s eyes travel slowly over the figure, taking a moment to soak it all in, the massive and intricate craftsmanship before them. A giant statue of a woman fills her vision, clutching a stone tablet in one hand, a torch in the other; a crown adorns her head, and her face is calm, impassive, inscrutable as a Roman sculpture of old. “Oh my god,” Martha breathes. “That’s the Statue of Liberty!” “Nothing gets past you,” mutters Rose as she pushes past, but Martha ignore her. “That’s right. Gateway to the New World,” says the Doctor. “Give me your tired, your poor, your huddled masses yearning to breathe free.” “That’s so brilliant,” says Martha, grinning. “I’ve always wanted to go to New York. I mean the real New York, not the new, new, new, new, new one.” Out of the corner of her eyes, she sees Rose glance at her darkly (dear god, what could she possibly have done to offend Her Highness now?) but she decides to ignore that, too. “Well, here’s the genuine article,” says the Doctor, pocketing his hands as he rocks back on his heels. “The Empire State, the Big Apple, New York, New York. So good they named it twice,” he adds, clicking his tongue and sending a wink Rose’s way. Rose laughs delightedly and the two of them beam at each other like a pair of idiots. Martha rolls her eyes and keeps walking.

None of them are smiling by the time they reach Hooverville. “What happened here?” asks Rose, aghast at the shanty town laid out before them. Granted, it’s not like Martha particularly enjoys the sight of the slipshod tents and rickety clotheslines poking out of the mud, or the widows huddling together for warmth around chicken-wire-bonfires, or the dogs fighting for scraps or runaway children running around barefoot in the cold evening air. But Rose—she doesn’t look concerned in that way that polite middle-class people do when they hear about those poor unfortunate Third World countries on the news. She looks positively stricken. It makes it really, really hard for Martha to do what she really wants to do, which is to explain to Rose all about the finer points of the Roaring Twenties and the Wall Street Crash and the Great Depression, thereby demonstrating to both Rose and the Doctor that at least some people managed to pay attention in history class, so instead she swallows her pride and shelves her knowledge for later, when it won’t make her look so horribly petty in the face of Rose’s famous perfect compassion. Dammit. “Hard times,” she finds herself saying. She half-expects Rose to bite back with some sarcastic retort, so she’s surprised when instead, Rose just nods. “Yeah,” she says, her voice quiet. And then Martha watches as, with a tentative step forward, Rose sheds her leather jacket and offers it to one of the more underdressed children, a small boy who eyes her with no small measure of distrust. Confused, Martha turns to the Doctor. “Can we do stuff like that? I mean, help people, like, with jackets and money and stuff?” “Erm, generally best to keep that sort of thing to a minimum, just for the sake of timelines and fixed points and all that,” the Doctor admits, scratching the back of his neck. “But don’t worry. Rose knows the rules.” “Even if she breaks them?” Martha asks jokingly. Both of them look on as a small herd of children slowly swarm around Rose, some of them plucking at the leather jacket now adorning the boy’s shoulders, others looking up to her like she might have something else to offer. She’s only got the one jacket—not everyone can have the Doctor’s bigger-on-the-inside pockets, Martha supposes—but she unwinds the scarf from round her neck to give to one child, peels off her gloves for another. Martha frowns. How can one person be simultaneously so nice and so awful at the same time? It just doesn’t make sense. Stupid Rose. Stupid, saintly, self-sacrificing Rose. “Sorry,” Martha says to the Doctor, willing her eyes not to roll—if she keeps rolling them, surely they’re bound to get stuck that way. “That was petty of me. I’m sure Rose doesn’t break the rules.” The Doctor bursts into a peal of laughter so loud it scares off the pigeons grazing nearby.

“The sewers,” Martha mutters darkly as they trudge underground with people they just met, sloshing through damp stuff she doesn’t want to think about. “Why’s it always got to be the sewers?” “To be fair, it’s not always sewers,” counters Rose. “No?” “Nope,” she says brightly. “Sometimes it’s tunnels, ship corridors, prison hallways…” “Lots of running down hallways, isn’t it?” “An astonishing amount of running down hallways,” Rose agrees, and the two of them share a brief laugh. Rose seems a little softer, now, after encountering the folks from Hooverville; Martha wonders why that is, but she’s smart enough not to ask. Besides, she’s still waiting for the next lightning-fast snake strike. (She doesn’t have to wait long.) “What’s that supposed to mean?” Rose snaps at Tallulah, and if her eyes could stare daggers, Tallulah’s cute little chorus-girl dress would surely be riddled with dozens of bloody little holes by now. If Tallulah feels the bite behind Rose’s words, she doesn’t show it. “Just sayin’, your friend here’s got herself a nice little hotsy-totsy fella, that’s all. She’s sweet and all, but she doesn’t know how good she’s got it with him.” “No, no,” Martha stammers, her face turning to ice as the blood rapidly rushes from it. “We’re not—” “Oh, no, they’re not together,” Rose laughs, and for some reason, it’s not the words so much as the laugh—the Dear me, how absurd of it all—that makes Martha grit her teeth together and ball her fists in her jacket-pockets. Pushing her anger down (deep, deep down, where it belongs), Martha turns to Tallulah with a dangerous smile plastered on. “No, not together like that. We’re just really good friends. Really, really good friends.” After a pause for emphasis, Martha’s smile deepens, widens, like a Cheshire cat’s. “I can see why you might think that, though. There’s a closeness, isn’t there?” “Trust me, sweetie, I get it,” Tallulah says with a knowing nod. “Close but no cigar, right? But don’t worry, you’ll get there. I’ve seen the way you look at him—hell, I’ve seen the way you two look at each other. It’s clear as could be.” With a lovelorn sigh that’s only slightly over-exaggerated (only the littlest, tiniest smidgen of a bit), Martha places one hand dramatically over her heart, the other on Tallulah’s shoulder. “Aww, bless,” she says fondly. “Did you hear that, Rose? Sounds like wedding bells any day n—” She turns just in time to see Rose disappear out the dressing-room door.

It only takes Martha half a minute to track Rose through the backstage crowd, thick with chorus-girls and blokes and stagehands. “Oh, come on, Rose,” she drawls, because she’s cold and impatient and she’s absolutely done with this weird indirect dancing-around-precious-Rose’s-precious-feelings bullshit. “It was just a joke, can’t you even take a stupid joke?” “God, I get it, all right? You don’t have to beat about it anymore, you can just come and say it, come out and tell me how much you hate me!” Rose snaps. Stunned by the outburst—what, does Rose have some kind of telepathic-whatsit now? Can she read minds now? Should she just give up and worship at the feet of the all-seeing, all-knowing Rose?—Martha just stares. “I’m sorry?” “You heard me!” Rose hisses. One of the stagehands whirls around with a finger pressed to his lips, silently but sharply telling them to hush. Mouth opening and shutting again wordlessly, Martha looks all around at the other stagehands and performers, as if one of them could come to her aid, but of course, no one can, and the Doctor’s nowhere to be seen. “What kind of—?” she finally stammers. “I don’t have a problem with you—you’re the one who has a problem with me!” “Don’t give me that, you’ve had it out for me from the very beginning,” Rose argues in a heated whisper. “From the very first second I stepped back onboard the TARDIS, you’ve been nothing but snarky and passive-aggressive and just flat-out mean!” Now all the blood rushes right back to Martha’s cheeks, burning them with a vengeance. Denial is the first thing that comes to mind, but the frustrating thing is that Rose is right. Even if she started it all, Martha hasn’t exactly risen above the fray, and that just makes her even angrier. “You think I’ve been petty and mean? Well, you’ve easily been just as bad!” she retorts. Pointing her finger in accusation, Rose opens her mouth with a reply that Martha can practically see scalding the tip of her tongue, but instead of letting it fly, she swallows it. Something in her seems to wilt, deflating like a pin-pricked balloon. “Shit,” she says, quietly, to herself just as much as Martha. Then, resigned, “You’re right.” And again, under her breath, harsher, “Shit.” Drawing in a deep breath, as if she’s rallying her strength for some grand action, Rose bites her lip. “I’m sorry,” she says, her voice curt. Martha feels it again, that spark of childishness urging her to say something unpleasant in return—Wow, that’s big of you, Don’t strain yourself there, Don’t do me any favors—but no; she drinks in a calming lungful of her own. She hasn’t risen above the fray yet, but now’s her chance. She can do it. She can. “Me too,” she says, only a little grudgingly. And now neither of them can meet each other’s gaze. Great. “It’s just,” Martha starts to say, and she closes her eyes, because it’s easier that way, somehow, “I’m just afraid you’re gonna replace me. Like it’s pretty clear that the Doctor’s only keeping me around for—for stupid reasons, now that you’re back.” “No, he wouldn’t—” says Rose, but Martha cuts her off with a sharp shake of the head. “It’s okay, you don’t have to defend him, I already know the truth,” Martha says, sadly. “Cos see, you don’t know what he was like, while you were gone. He—I don’t know what he was like before, but even I could tell he was broken. He missed you, Rose. He missed you so, so much.” She opens her eyes to find that Rose’s are glittering with the hint of tears. “I mean, I think it was a little better by the time I came along, I think having me around helped with the loneliness,” Martha rushes, “but it was like there was still this huge, gaping hole, that absolutely no one else could fill, no one but you. You know?” Rose thumbs her would-be tears away. “I thought maybe he’d already done that with you.” Eyebrow raised, Martha laughs shakily. “Right, that’s a good one. Tell me another.” But when Rose doesn’t reply, just wraps her arms around herself protectively, Martha starts to wonder. “Wait,” she says, realization dawning. “You didn’t honestly think I had replaced you…?” “Well, why not? Even if there’s nothing romantic going on there, it’s like the Doctor said—you’re brilliant, Martha.” Dumbfounded, Martha isn’t sure how to reply to that, so she doesn’t. “You’re smart, you’re quick on your feet, you’re able to take his nonsense in stride,” Rose counts off. “Not to mention you’re clever and posh and educated and beautiful.” “Beautiful?” Martha repeats, incredulous. “Uh, yeah,” Rose replies, as if it’s obvious. “Don’t act like you don’t know you’re a babe.” Now Martha’s cheeks are warm for an entirely different reason. “Are you in love with the Doctor, or with me?” she jokes feebly. “You’re even training to be a doctor yourself. You’re learning how to help people, how to fix them. How to get to the heart of the problem and make it better. That’s just like him—the two of you have so much in common.” “Well, maybe, but—” “You said he told you all about the Time War,” Rose continues quietly. “And what was that other thing you mentioned, Gallifrey? I don’t even know what that is.” A pang pierces Martha deep in her gut. “That’s the name of his home planet. Gallifrey. You mean he never told you…?” Lips pursed together, Rose shakes her head. “Well, that’s just him being an idiot, then. It doesn’t mean he has feelings for me. Any kind of feelings. Definitely not like what he had for you.” “Yeah, but that’s just the thing,” Rose says. “The feelings he had for me. What if he’s moved on now?” At that, Martha can only blink in surprise for a few seconds before bursting into laughter, heedless of the dirty looks any stagehands may throw her way. “I’m serious,” Rose insists, but Martha just laughs harder, until she’s doubled-over from the strain of it. “I’m sorry,” she wheezes, “It’s just—that’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard!” She fears that Rose might bristle at the remark, but instead the corners of her mouth quirk upward like she might smile. “Yeah?” “Yeah,” Martha chuckles, wiping a tear of mirth out of the corner of her eye. “I’ve heard some pretty stupid things, but that takes the cake. He bloody loves you, all right? It’s obvious to anyone who’s got two eyes and a heart.” “I don’t know, though, I just—” “Yeah, back there, in Tallulah’s dressing-room?” Martha continues as if Rose never spoke. “She’s a nice girl but she had no idea what she was talking about. If anyone’s making moon-eyes at each other, it’s the two of you. I’m not even in the picture.” Martha quiets, her laughter subsiding into wistfulness. “Oh, Rose, I’m not even in the same universe,” she says. “It was nice of you to chuck all those compliments at me earlier, but we both know the Doctor’s only keeping me around so he doesn’t have to be alone with you. He doesn’t want to have to face up to everything he felt while you were gone, doesn’t want to admit how much he cares about you. He’s just keeping me around cos he’s scared.” “That’s not true,” Rose says stubbornly, taking Martha’s hands in hers. “And even if that does play any part of it—Martha, the Doctor doesn’t suffer fools. He doesn’t ask just anyone to travel with him. Regardless of anything else that might be going on, and regardless of any nasty thing I might have said to you, the Doctor only keeps company with people he thinks are special. Period. He only chooses the best.” She squeezes Martha’s hands in reassurance. “So that means you’re one of the best. Even if the Doctor doesn’t say it—cos let’s face it, he’s wonderful, but he’s also an emotionally-repressed prat—you, Martha Jones, are one of the best. Better than he deserves, even. Okay?” Martha’s heart swells in her ribcage, expanding at such a rate she’s afraid her lungs might rupture. This absolutely is not the outcome she expected from this conversation—nor, indeed, from any conversation with Rose, ever—but if she has learned anything from her travels through time and space, it’s that things are rarely what they seem on first glance, one may find allies in even the unlikeliest places, and damn, but Rose Tyler can be really convincing when she wants to be. “Okay,” she says, and she and Rose beam at each other, identical smiles spreading slowly over their faces. “So, erm, did we just become friends?” “Oh, we totally just did,” Rose laughs before pulling Martha in for a hug. (It’s not a bad hug, either; soft and warm, and even from a strictly platonic viewpoint, Martha can understand why the Doctor likes it so much.) And then she notices the pigman skulking around in the shadows backstage, staring longingly at Tallulah as she dances and glitters in the limelight. And just before it disappears in the direction of the sewers, even though Martha doesn’t get the best look at it, she notices straightaway that it’s different from the other pigmen somehow… “Rose, how do you feel about a trip back into the sewers?” Martha asks. Rose chuckles. “Why, Martha, I thought you’d never ask.”

***

After a day well-saved and a job well-done, the three of them stroll back down the street toward the TARDIS, Rose and the Doctor walking happily hand-in-hand. Martha is pleasantly surprised when Rose holds a hand out to her, too, and she takes it. Rose wasn’t half-bad in their little adventure, after all. And she’s not half-bad as a friend, either. “Do you reckon it’s gonna work, those two?” asks Martha, to nobody in particular. “Sure it will,” replies Rose. “Beauty and the Beast, Lady and the Tramp, the pig and the showgirl. Love conquers all. Don’t you think, Doctor?” she asks, nudging the Doctor’s shoulder with hers. The Doctor hesitates, and for a brief second, Martha could swear he was about to say something else, something optimistic and bright, but it’s as if his thoughts turn on a pin, and suddenly he’s saying, “Maybe. You’d like to think if they could make it anywhere, it’d be New York, but I suppose one never knows.” “Nah, I think this just proves it,” Martha insists. “There’s someone for everyone.” “Perhaps,” the Doctor murmurs. Martha feels Rose’s grip slacken at that; she squeezes her fingers, offering comfort, but Rose doesn’t squeeze back. “Hey, maybe we could catch a quick bite before we turn in, yeah?” Martha says quickly—things have only just smoothed over, and she isn’t quite ready for the merriment to end, yet. “Get a slice of authentic New York pizza—have they got pizza, now?—or we could nab something from one of those famous New York diners?” But Rose is already pulling ahead, slipping away until both Martha and the Doctor are left empty-handed. “Sounds brilliant,” she says, turning around just long enough to flash them both a wan, tired smile. “Catch up with you later?” “You’re not coming with?” Martha asks, and she’s surprised to note that she actually feels a little disappointed at the thought. “Nah, I reckon after all that time in the sewers, I’m overdue a good, long bath. Besides, you can fill him in on our end of things, right?” They stop just outside the TARDIS doors, Rose shooting Martha a meaningful look over one shoulder, a look only Martha can see. And, ah. This isn’t only about Rose and the Doctor, then; she’s also giving Martha a chance to see for herself that she’s not just a third wheel, after all. That she and the Doctor are friends on their own. “Okay,” says Martha, a little reluctantly. She appreciates the gesture, but now that she and Rose are friendly, well. It doesn’t exactly feel good to see her so down, does it? “Want us to bring you anything after?” “How about some pie?” asks the Doctor, rocking back on his heels. “Nice piece of pie, two-crust, extra whipped cream on top, just the way you like it? Any flavor but cherry?” Rose smiles softly. “Sounds perfect, yeah.” She unlocks the TARDIS doors and slips inside, leaving Martha and the Doctor to themselves. “Right, then, a brief culinary adventure with Smith and Jones,” says the Doctor, taking off again down the street at a jaunty pace. “Now, did you see a particular placed that piqued your fancy, or—” “You need to talk to Rose.” The Doctor turns around but doesn’t stop walking; Martha has to jog after him if she wants to catch up. “What’s that?” the Doctor says, holding a hand up to one ear as he walks backward. “Sorry, you’ll have to speak up.” “I know you heard me, so don’t play stupid, all right? You’ve got to talk to Rose.” “Fairly certain I spoke to Rose just now.” “You know what I mean,” says Martha, offering the Doctor a proper glare. “Like a proper sit-down. I don’t think you’ve had anything like that since she came back, have you? Maybe not ever.” “And this is your concern, how?” asks the Doctor, voice mild as he turns round to walk normally. “Because Rose and I are friends, okay? And it’s not fair to her, having to guess at your thoughts all the time. She can’t read your mind, she doesn’t know what you’re thinking, doesn’t know how you feel.” The Doctor doesn’t reply to that, but Martha swears she can read the response plain enough on his face. (She doesn’t know how I feel? She should.) “And quite frankly, it’s not fair to me, either,” Martha finishes. The Doctor quirks an eyebrow in question. “Look, I’m not your buffer, all right?” Martha blurts out. “I don’t want you to keep me on the TARDIS just so you don’t have to be alone with Rose and, y’know, God forbid, actually own up to how you feel. Own up to her, I mean. You don’t have to talk to her tonight, or even tomorrow, or however that works in the TARDIS, but you do have to talk to her. Okay?” Shoving her hands in her jacket-pockets, Martha stares stubbornly forward, refusing to let herself be cowed by anything she might see playing across the Doctor’s face. “She’s been through a lot, and she needs you,” Martha says quietly, and she wishes she could say she’s only talking about Rose here. “And she needs you to tell her how much you care. She needs to hear it. Humans need to hear stuff like that. It doesn’t matter if you think it’s stupid or unnecessary or not. It’s still what she needs.” Now she looks up at him, jaw set and gaze sharp. “Got it?” At least the Doctor has the decency to look the littlest bit abashed before his trademark grin slaps back in place. “So you’re properly friends, then?” “Yeah,” says Martha grumpily, crossing her arms with a hmph. “We are.” “Good, I was starting to think you two might not fancy each other’s company all that much.” “Well, I like her a whole lot better than I like you right now.” The Doctor chuckles. “Fair enough.” Beaming down at her, he extends an elbow. “Now, I believe we were discussing the possibility of obtaining some local delicacies, Miss Jones?” Martha eyes his arm warily. He winks at her. Ugh. He’s such an arse sometimes. But still, he’s an arse who’s happy to grab a bite with her, with or without Rose. So maybe that counts for something. And pie doesn’t sound half-bad. (An irresistible arse, then. And doesn’t he know it.) “Fine,” Martha says grudgingly, threading her arm through his. “But you’re paying, Mr. Smith.” “Fair enough,” the Doctor says again, laughing. ***

#martha jones and rose tyler #martha jones fic #rose tyler fic #ficandchips #tenrose #well implied tenrose/ficandchips #the more overt stuff comes later #in a sort-of sequel!#:D #because i'll be honest i've never really had much interest in doing any kind of s3 rewrite with rose #until i received this prompt #and like i don't have the time or energy to rewrite the entirety of s3 buuuuuut #there are some bits #that i find intriguing #both in terms of rose + doctor and also how rose would impact storylines #and also bc after rose and martha's initial bouts of petty jealousness i think they would be great friends #like best of besties #like queerplatonic levels of bestiehood #(queerplatonic since rose is bi as far as i'm concerned but martha strikes me as being pretty straight)#(and like wow i feel like tiffo and i really had a breakthru convo on the subject of platonic/queerplatonic relationships the other day)#(which may not have been a breakthru for them quite as much as me since they already appear to have figured some of it out lol)#(but basically it answered a lot of stuff about me personally as well as the way i tend to process romance both irl and in fiction)#(romance and platonic but important relationships alike)#(but anyhoo that's another story/post for another day)#and i would love a story featuring all three companions but that might be further down the road #since i already have approximately 8 million wips i'm working on #and my dear readers/mutuals might murder me if i don't finish at least one of them soon #<3 #mbb fic

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badly-drawn-piplup · 7 years ago

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Happiness Overload Chapter Twelve

I love my sister, I really do. But sometimes she can be a nuisance.

″Polo!″ She whined whilst hopping about in her bedroom. I could hear the whining from clear across the hall. The vibrations in the building could be felt from across the hall as well. She had such mighty hops. I rushed to her aid. Along the way I thought of birds. I was so glad to not be an eagle. My sister might be poison dart. Her skin has been known to give me rashes, but I would risk a million rashes if it meant hugging her a million times.

The door, neither wooden nor metal, but some kind of fiber that might have been edible, slammed open. Some of the hinges seemed to be coming loose. It might have been me who slammed the door.

″Polo!″ She was rolling around now. There was a certain fury to her voice that made me unsure how to approach her. Siblings, as we all know, can be difficult to read sometimes. What they want, what they don't want.

″What's all the commotion, dear sister?″ She jolted up and stopped moving save for her bulging eyes which scanned her surroundings. She must have seen my presence and went back to pouting.

″Polo! Polo!″ She pouted and pointed at her wall.

There it was: a poster of a character from an anime.

″Now, now, dear sister! You can't be Tsuyu!″

My sister sunk to the floor. It looked like she was going to cry. I don't think she had tear ducts, though.

″You don't have the right hairstyle!″ I tried to console her. I think I did a good job. It was really interesting how amphibian eggs tend to lay near water in jelly sacs. Tadpoles are especially adorable. Earth is filled with many wonderful things.

″Polo! Polo! Polo! Polo!″ She croaked. I hate it when my sister and I argue. I love her so, but she can be so damn stubborn.

″No, you can't date Tsuyu, either! She's not real!″

My sister leaped at me. With her webbed hands balled into a webbed fist, she pounded away at my chest. None of it hurt or even tickled, but it was nice to know how much she cared.

″Now, now. There's plenty of gay frogs in the pond!″ I hummed the words to a jazzy tune. That seemed to calm her down just a little. But not enough, for she hopped over to her bed and perched, arms folded and chin stretched, but not another word out of her.

I sighed. ″Looks like I need to leave you be for now, huh, little Polo?″

There were other matters to attend to, anyhow. Disciplinary measures had to be made. No one was allowed to make my sister sad. Not even me. I remember once when I kept a jar of flies high up on a shelf. She had already eaten but she must have still been hungry, for she stretched her tongue up high and grabbed the jar with it. But her grip wasn't strong enough and the jar broke, letting many flies free. My arms were folded, my eyes were squinted, and I was about ready to scold her. She must have heard the yelling in her head before I even had a chance to do any, for she let out a little chirp and I let loose my folded arms and gave her a hug instead. I developed burns across my arms, but I knew that the right decision had been made.

″Hey! You've corrupted my sister with your sinful images!″ I chastised the pariah sitting at the computer next to many a gay figures. This pariah was a guest in our home, a major asset or possible ambassador. After being sent to the chopping block one too many times, this pariah took the shape of a human. The same shape of a human that must have been taken over a hundred times already. They weren't an amphibian.

″The fuck you talking about?″ Growled our guest. Quite the rude one, but I was used to our guest being a rude one. I was used to this rude guest before they became 'this rude guest'. Before it was more 'this rude acquaintance'.

″I know you watch anime when you should be uncovering secret documents related to The Flashbulb!″ I scolded.

″So? These things take time. Conrad understood that. Why can't you?″

″Oh, my dear Kelly Roger. I understand it quite well. I also understand that there are far better uses of your time. I see everything you see, and by extension, my sister sees everything you see.″

″So when I watch porn...″ Kelly Roger, this thing identified as, started off. I knew it was more of an insinuation, a question that suggested an answer already known, but I knew better than to humor a humorless chap.

″The clouds are shifting this afternoon,″ I observed.

″Marco, we're indoors!″ Kelly Roger's fingers snapped. Reality was something I was seeped in and yet I was supposed to believe I ever left.

″Look, because of your sinful images, my sister has a poster of a character named 'Tsuyu' and wants to be just like her. Or in a relationship with her. It's hard to tell with siblings, you know?″

Kelly Roger, that smarmy bastard, shrugged.

″No. I don't know.″

This brat was a wonderful not-froggy thing, but I missed the days when we would talk about making this dream of ours a reality – this dream of a bright, froggy future, where everyone could live real, meaningful, happy lives.

Actually, I think those days was just yesterday. In fact, I think yesterday was the first day. Or the only day. Unless you count that day three years ago. It's hard to keep track of time. The past is such a stingy thing; best left ignored, save for the small details.

″I was thinking of getting out of here for good!″ Velvet grinned, something uncharacteristic of her. ″We'll even leave Conrad behind!″

Now that was odd. Why would Velvet want to leave Conrad behind? Maybe she knew something I didn't, but from what I could tell, she always seemed to regard Conrad as the man with the plans. Even still, I decided to play along. I gave off a smirk.

″It's about time. I've been planning to do the exact same thing for a while, but I don't know a damn thing on how to pilot your ship.″

Velvet tilted her head, puzzled by my reply. I didn't have the heart to tell her that I was just playing along and had no actual plan of my own. If I could go for a ride with Velvet, and not just into the nearest Egyptian city, that would have been awesome. It might have been a real adventure that I was lacking these past three years.

″Excellent!″

We were walking toward the large doors where Velvet's ship resided. Soon enough, we would board it and take off into who knows where? Maybe she actually had a plan and the next chapter in my life would begin. I hoped so, but just as we reached the doors, Velvet stopped dead in her tracks.

″Do you feel that?″ She asked. Her voice was hushed, almost like she thought someone was watching or listening in. It wasn't the same grin, the same carefree attitude she was displaying just a minute ago.

″Is someone invisible touching you?″ I asked in reply. That was a stupid thing to ask, and I wasn't sure whether I asked it in earnest or trying to ease the tension that she must have been feeling.

She shook her head. ″That might be more comfortable than...″

″Than what?″ But I shouldn't have even bothered asking. I felt it too.

″This is bad. We should have never talked about leaving for good!″

″Hey, you're the one who brought it up!″ I retorted. She didn't have a comeback. She looked more concerned than anything. She raced back to where the Beiges were. I tried to follow suit, but found it hard to keep up with her.

How is it that you're in better shape than me when you're the one who eats mostly junk food? I thought while going as quick as my feet would carry me.

The further I walked toward the living room where Velvet probably was at, the stuffier the air grew. Something was off, that I knew for sure. But what...?

My arms rubbed against each other, moisture catching onto each hand. It was a sort of compulsive, absentminded movement, but I realized, still walking, what I was feeling.

Sweat.

Once I reached the living room, where the Beiges leaned back in their chairs, the smell hit me: musty, dank, and not quite marijuana.

″It's suffocating...″ was the murmur I heard from Velvet before I noticed her shape at the corner of the room, she herself peering out into the many halls.

″It's like a hotbox in here,″ I remarked, although my breath short.

Gusts of hot air blew forth and I started to gag. I took small strides toward Velvet, muscling through the weight of the heat.

I feel like a boiled frog, I thought.

″Do you ever stop cracking jokes?″ She chided. I felt the sting of her comment, but tried to brush it off, pointing to the Beiges sitting down.

″They're just faded, right?″

She shook her head. Her head seemed to bob back and forth. She wasn't doing too well either, but it was like I was seeing a portion of her true colors.

″I checked. No heartbeat, kiddo.″

She took weary steps forward into one of the halls. Again, I followed behind.

″So they're dead? But why?″

She was hunched over. She didn't quite shrug, but the gesture she made had the same effect. She lifted her hand up and made little flitting movements with it.

″Their air conditioner unit. It's blowing hot air. It's suffocating...″ she groaned.

″I don't get it. How were they able to survive in here for thousands of years without an a/c but it was an a/c that killed them?″ I pondered.

″Don't know. Not important now.″

″What is important? Do you even know where you're going?″ I was concerned for Velvet. Concerned for myself. The air, whether it be the heat or some other gut feeling, reeked of dread.

″I don't know yet, but I will. All I know is that their deaths weren't an accident.″

She swayed, her movements suggested that she was trying to take strides, but couldn't. Only a few paces forward and we were both met by another gust, this time of cool air. It sent us back and I fell on my back. She held her arms over her head. In that moment she looked like a true hero, shining bright. Meanwhile, my vision was too blurry, me too dizzy, to take it all in.

She glanced back at me. ″I'm all right, kiddo! I'm stronger than I look!″

I believed her, until she wobbled to and fro and collapsed.

We were both on the floor, a cool breeze blowing away our running sweats.

″Look at the sorry states we're in,″ I observed. ″How pathetic.″

She raised a finger, and after drawing labored breaths, made an observation of her own.

″It's to be expected...an intense heat met by a sudden chill...not a good feeling.″

″So this is it?″ I lifted my head to meet Velvet. ″We're going to die?″

″It was not planned that way. The Beige were the target,″ replied someone. I thought it was Velvet at first, but the voice didn't quite match. This voice was huskier, but also...tinny? There was a mechanic feeling in her voice. Not just that, it was too familiar...

I struggled up and I think Velvet did the same. She let out a yelp, as did I.

Etna, the hologram AI, in the pyramid with us, walked through the nearby wall. Her empty eyes peered down at Velvet and I.

″Why are you here?″ I growled.

She studied her hand and flexed her fingers about, ignoring my question.

″It seems there is only a certain radius in which I can move around. What electronics I am able to utilize is dependent on said radius.″

″Hey!″ I barked. ″I asked you a question!″

She shot a glance at me. ″Ask your friend Conrad.″

Etna started walking away, but followed up her statement with one more before we lost sight of her:

″You two are free to leave.″

″What?!″ I shouted. ″Didn't you want to kill me the last time we met?″

She chuckled a laughter devoid of humor. ″Three years have passed. I've moved on. The world has moved on.″

She disappeared from view. Whatever anger I may have had was cut short. What I really felt was confusion. Why was she here? How was she here? And now of all times?

″She said to ask Conrad!″ I blurted out, the lightbulb over my head shining fluorescent.

″Yeah, I was right there, too,″ Velvet replied, not at all impressed with my revelation. She picked herself up, still looking woozy. ″That was the artificial intelligence that killed the previous you, by the way,″ she added.

″Yeah, I saw,″ I replied. Twice.

″Condolences,″ she said in a way that seemed devoid of care, but I knew better.

″So, we getting back on the ship? She gave us a chance to leave, after all,″ I asked.

Velvet shook her head. ″Hell no! I'm going to find Conrad and sort this shit out!″

″Where will you find him? From what I can remember, she needs a rather large computer to project her image.″

″Yeah, I know exactly where to find him.″

″Well, even if you do, it seems a bit...dangerous?″

She started flexing her arms. ″Dude, I eat Cheetos. I live dangerously.″

We both paused. She hung her head. ″Sorry, that line was cheesy.″

There was no further comment that could be made, so I turned in the other direction.

″Where are you going?″ She asked. ″You making a run for it? You already admitted you don't know how to pilot my ship.″

″I just gotta take care of something. I'll be right back.″

″Take care of something? At a time like this?″ She sounded baffled.

″I'll just be a few minutes,″ I reassured. ″I'll meet back with you.″

I walked away, but as I did so, I heard her yell.

″Yeah! Good luck with that! These hallways alone are 5 and a half minutes long!″

Gee, did you take the time to count?

Time. Time was definitely an issue. I didn't know how well Etna could be trusted. She was a bullshitter of the highest caliber. I, being a bullshitter as well, could see past any of the bluffs she may have made and could avoid certain death if I played my cards right, but I didn't know how well Velvet would fare. If at all possible, I would have liked for both Velvet and I to make it out of this alive, but I didn't trust Etna to keep her word and leave us alone.

As I found that door I had visited so many times before, I turned back and saw the dead Beiges.

″I'm sorry, guys...″ I whispered. They taught me to weave baskets, to make my own shirts out of hemp. I was forever in their debt. Etna wiped them all out, silently, when they were at their most high, and for what? What ever reason she had, I couldn't fathom, but it was unforgivable. ″I promise I'll make it right.��

While running down the stairway, it finally clicked: I knew where Conrad was too. It was so obvious, why didn't I figure it out as soon as Velvet did? This was good. It meant there was something I could do.

Once I passed through the door and into the Hall of Memories, I looked around. I needed some place to put a note, somewhere where I could find it.

I found one of the books I read about some old man who thinks a lot about fake cheese. It didn't seem important, and there was enough of a blank space for me to write on the bottom of it, so I ripped out the page and folded it. I reached into my pocket for a pen, only I didn't have one. That's when I realized something else, anyway: my plan wouldn't have worked.

I kicked one of the shelves. I paced around, not knowing what else to do. We were really doomed, weren't we?

I couldn't write a note to my past self because this is the future. I could tear out every page in every memory and it would have no effect in the past. What's done was done. All I could do was try to get out of here with Velvet.

″Damn it! If only I could go further back into the past, end up here, write the note I was going to write, then go back to the future!″ I cursed. Why I had to be such an idiot in such a dire situation I didn't know, but it was something I would have to take to the grave with me.

″Spill orange juice on whatever it is Conrad's been working on in that guest room,″ was what I meant to write, but it would have done me no good.

I raced back up the stairs and out the door. I didn't even bother closing it. Once more, I saw the dead Beiges lounging.

″I'm sorry,″ I once again said. ″I don't think I can make this right, but I swear I'll make this less wrong, somehow.″

In the hallway I found the darkened room where Conrad built the computer allowing Etna to roam free. I stepped inside, tossing aside any warning signs, any caution that may have been thrown my way.

″Conrad? Velvet?″ I called, mouth cupped, and in such a hushed voice as to not attract too much attention. No answer. Maybe I wasn't loud enough. Etna didn't seem concerned about me being alive. I supposed there was no harm in being a tiny bit louder.

″Oh my god!″ I heard a yell from upstairs right as I was about to cup my hands to my mouth. Out of the possible candidates, Velvet seemed the likely suspect to be the owner of said yell. Was she in danger? Was she in distress?

What do you think, moron? My thought argued with me.

Good point. I should run up there and help her out, I agreed.

I took the stride to run upstairs, but I fell; tripped over a thick cable on the floor. Connected to a power outlet on the wall, or some source of electricity. While on the floor, a piercing sound shot through. 'Shot' being an appropriate word: the unmistakable sound of gunfire.

Shit. Fuck. Fuckshit. Shitfuck, were my thoughts. Juvenile as they may have been, this was a point of duress and could anyone really blame me?

I picked myself up off my feet and ran out the room, not bothering to curse myself over the lack of useful findings in that dark palace that Conrad called his home and instead cursing myself that Velvet may be seriously hurt. Up the stairs, my sprints were met with a series of trips, internal profanities (none of which were creative), and picking myself back up only to go back to step one.

Quick turn of the head. Nothing around. Silence. I located the next flight of stairs and ran once more. It wasn't until I was at the tip of the pyramid where I arrived at the scene.

Just one room: Velvet in front of me, unharmed, holding a gun of her own. Conrad, across the room, also holding a gun. How either of them came into possession was beyond me. I would have tapped on Velvet's shoulder, asked her, but it seemed she was a little tense at the moment.

In the middle of the room lie the body of a Beige, lifeless and faded.

″I can't believe you killed Tim! You bastard!″ I shouted. I never interacted with Tim, but as the only Beige with a name, it was hard to not know who Tim was. Everyone always said that Tim resided at the very top and didn't do anything. Well, that was true more than ever.

″Now you know why I said 'oh my god'!″ Velvet turned around and replied.

″Man, I'm glad you're okay,″ I told her as I let out a sigh of relief.

″You know me,″ she winked. I didn't really, but I think that was the point; I knew as much as she wanted me to know.

″It's not what it looks like!″ Conrad went on the defense, hands shaking on the gun. ″The Beige are a threat that must be eliminated!″

″A threat to who? You? The Flashbulb? Us?″ I stepped forward, feeling bold enough to interject.

″You guys weren't even supposed to be here!″ He protested, and at the same time, ignored my question. ″I let you guys leave so you would be safe!″

I turned back to Velvet. Sure, he could have taken that time to shoot me, but it's not like I had anything to defend myself from a gun anyway. Velvet shrugged, letting slip an ″oops″ smile.

″Well, maybe we'll just leave now, right Velvet?″

″Fuck that noise!″ Velvet roared. ″I ain't leavin' 'til we get some answers! First off: really? You in The Flashbulb? That's, like, the lamest plot twist ever!″

″I have my reasons,″ Conrad stated.

Velvet shot the floor next to where he stood. He jumped back, letting out a yelp.

″That's not gonna do.″

″Fine,″ he growled. ″What do you want to know?″

I raised my hand. Both Velvet and Conrad looked at me, annoyed. Velvet, in particular, gave me the look of ″what do you think you're doing interrupting me?″ or maybe it was the look of ″we're in the middle of a tense situation and you're raising your hand? What could you possibly want?″

″I just wanna say, while it's probably a big mystery as to why you would join an organization you often call 'evil' and 'something that must be stopped', what I really want to know is why you brought Etna here? What purpose does she serve in coming here?″

″You have been my least favorite Blanc so far,″ he growled.

I shrugged. So did Velvet.

″I don't know how you found out, but it doesn't matter now. I needed Etna here so I could go back to headquarters. My device broke and she's the only one I could reach out to.″

″So did none of us matter to you?″ Velvet pierced through Conrad with her question. He opened his mouth, ready to answer, but before he could, the figure of Etna appeared, pacing about behind Conrad.

″Interesting. So it seems I can move freely up here,″ she observed, not taking any notice of the three humans and one dead alien.

Conrad averted his gaze from Velvet and toward Etna. ″Are you going to help me out now? I brought you here!″ He demanded.

″For none but selfish reasons,″ she explained, looking at the ceiling rather than the one addressing her. ″My power here is limited, none of you are of value to me, and while decorative, killing the Beige was unnecessary as they provided little to no threat in our plans. In short,″ she pushed her glasses up and fixed her gaze on Conrad. ″I owe you nothing.″

I stood in awe at someone I might have once considered a friend get burned by what I might have currently considered an enemy. Not just awe, but enjoyment. I wanted to clap my hands but I knew better than to break the mood.

Conrad grunted, groaned, stomped his feet. ″This is not how it should go!″ He roared, and gave another stomp for good measure. There was no helping it; I let out a chuckle, coupled with a giggle. A titter, if you will. He saw that and pointed his bony finger at me.

″You!″ He hissed. ″This is all your fault!″

″What? Me?″ I pointed to myself. Now there were two fingers pointed at me.

″Conrad, settle down,″ Velvet warned, in a voice that was less calm and more of a threat. ″You're not thinking clearly. It's probably the heat.″

Instead of heeding Velvet's words, he responded with the click of a trigger pointed at my chest and a piercing sound ringing throughout the pyramid.

Here it is. And to think I never got to see Euphoria again, were my final thoughts before my death.

If my death were to occur.

Velvet dived in front of me just in time. In the very same instant that she was hit, she fired a bullet that hit Conrad in the shoulder. He let out the most god awful scream which would have put Wilhelm to shame. Velvet, too, yelped and winced as she made a thud against the floor.

″Holy shit!″ I yelped. ″Why would you do something like that?″

In spite of the pain, she managed a wry smile. ″I was just tired of not doing anything.″ She gave a thumbs up, as if to say ″go get 'em, tiger!″ but I had no idea what I was supposed to get, nor did I think of myself as a tiger.

Synthetic laughter cut its way through the commotion. Etna with all her artificial motions, was basking in the scene taking place.

″I would be lying if I said I didn't find this to be entertaining,″ she spoke, words echoing from across the room.

″Ugh...″ Velvet groaned, squirming on the floor. Blood was leaking down from her side, her hand covered her torso, just under her chest. ″This is my least favorite trope...I never even got to kiss a girl beforehand...″

Ignoring Etna's remark, I was focused on Velvet, the one who saved me from certain (or at least possible) death. ″What do you mean?″ I asked.

″I'm dying, you fucking idiot,″ she groaned, before turning her head and closing her eyes.

″Oh. Fuck,″ was all I could muster. My mouth went dry and I felt my heart dropping, the chains keeping it in place loosening. In the three years that I had known her, Velvet was like an older sister, watching out for me, teaching me things, protecting me. We may not have always got along, but that's probably what made me think of us as like siblings.

″There may yet be time,″ Etna observed. I fixed my gaze, this time, on Etna, who herself watched the dying Conrad and Velvet, seemingly amused by it all. The sadness and pain I was feeling, for a moment, was transferring and redirecting itself to the anger department.

″I could bring forth Ecstasy, revive one or even both of them.″

″Stop it, you!″ I barked. Those were stupid words, but they were all I could think to say.

″You know, Ecstasy has no sexual preference. Either one of them will do,″ she goaded.

It's too late for Velvet, I thought. I could hear Conrad seething, still breathing, even if he wasn't exactly having a good time.

″I thought you said your power here was limited!″ I reminded her. Maybe she lad a lapse in reason and I would have the upper hand.

Instead, she raised a finger, then waved it. It seemed like she was going to say ″tsk. Tsk.″ She was enjoying this villain role a little too much. It was disgusting.

″Limited, but not powerless. Never powerless. Right now there are terminals where I can manifest all around the world. I can allow millions of images of me to move free in any city. This pyramid gives me little to do. But Ecstasy, she can be anywhere. She can do so much more. All she needs is a vessel...″

I gulped. That really wasn't fair. I wasn't even sure if it made much sense. At least I had one rebuttal.

″Conrad would never agree to join with Ecstasy, though! He's got standards!″ I thought for a second, then retracted my statement. ″Well, maybe not, but he knows better!″

″I agree,″ I heard, in a low voice. Conrad lifted his head, a rush of energy filling him.

God damn it, Conrad! I thought. Why you gotta play me like that?

″His memories may not be the same as before, but, you know what they say about the devil and details,″ she played coy. It was ill fitting of an AI.

Conrad stood, hunched over. He swayed back and forth, in a sort of trance. He seemed to be mouthing words, but no sounds were emitted. It was as if he was still getting accustomed to having a roommate in his body.

″Oh, come on!″ I whined. ″He just got shot in the shoulder!″ Shot through the heart and you're too late... fuck, why was that song playing in my head as I said that? ″He would have lived!″

Etna ignored my comment and instead made one of her own, once again basking in the scenery.

″Now, I have no reason to kill you. As I said, the world and I have moved on without you. Killing you would do nothing as you pose no threat.″

Oh thank goodness. She really is a Bond villain.

″However,″ she added. ″I am a sadist.″

I gulped, but also felt at ease. At least there was no longer any pretense about it. It was so annoying when she tried to make grandiose speeches.

Gusts of wind followed by stings brushed up against me, forming cuts on my arms, legs, cheeks, and chest. What followed were consecutive sharp pains across my back. I yelped and was brought down to my knees. I could feel myself falling over, while blood (or sweat (or a mixture of both)) ran down. I imagined Blanc, the one that wasn't me and that I only heard about through stories, went through something similar when they entered the elevator that day.

Squinting my eyes, I noticed everything growing dimmer. I could see shadows swimming about, dancing in fashion, as if they were vines or tentacles, behind Conrad.

This must be the work of Ecstasy, I thought.

Conrad was silent while standing still, attacking me. One of the shadows looked like it was aiming for my head. He (and in extension, Ecstasy) wanted to end me then and there. I could hear Etna's laughter, so sincere, yet so hollow. It could have very well been the end of me, but I couldn't let that happen without trying to do something about it. What good would Velvet's sacrifice have been if I just did nothing and accept my death?

As the shadow tentacles shot forth, I closed my eyes and held out my hands.

″Just one moment!″ I yelled. Conrad stopped. ″Just one moment with Etna, that's all I ask!″

She loved watching the death of others, that much was clear. But she also loved the sound of her own voice, especially when it could be used to hurt others.

″I'm going to die anyway, so what's a minute or two of your time?″ I raised the question, smirking along the way.

″Very well. Surely you have something in mind, so what could it be?″ She shot back.

″I'm just thinking, if you kill me, I won't be able to grant you a physical form,″ I hoped that with what I said, that she took the bait. Instead, she laughed.

″Why would I ever want a human body? I'm much more powerful how I am now! I can do so much more and without the restraints of blind ambition! Simple propositions will not work on someone like me!″

Despite what she said, there was a way in which she defended herself that made me feel like if I nudged just a little more, I would have her. While I knew the elder Beige trusted me, I was also a fan of self-preservation.

″I get all that, trust me, I do, but I also get how you felt when Laharl and Vyers betrayed you and turned you into a machine.″

She looked startled by my words, but then smiled her coy smile.

″Interesting. So somehow you looked into my memories. Even still, what use would I have being human once more? As already stated, I have power and knowledge that my human self lacked. If I so desire, those two directors could meet a terrible fate,″ she explained.

″Yes,″ but I grinned right back. ″What if I told you I could make it so that you return to your human self but still have the capabilities you have now?″

″Doubtful, but I'll humor you. Tell me: How do you plan on going about this?″

″Now, now,″ I made little shooing motions, acting all playful despite my life being on the line. I suppose if I were to die, I may as well have gone out having fun. ″A magician never reveals their secrets. But...I will need some assistance from the audience,″ I winked. I felt like such a dork, but playing it up may have been just what I needed to do.

″If I were to grant your wish, what is it that you would require?″ She asked, both to my delight, and surprise.

″Si...simple!″ I stammered, then cleared my throat. ″Uh, simple: I would need entry into The Flashbulb's headquarters.″

″Is that all?″ She inquired, as if what I asked of her actually was simple.

″I also require Conrad to escort me.″

Conrad's mouth was agape. He must have been in shock over what was going down. No doubt he didn't want to help me, either.

″Very well,″ Etna smiled. This time I couldn't tell what was behind that smile. I knew there was nothing as it was just an image, but that aside, there was the matter of just what her smile meant. Was she in genuine gratitude that I might be able to help her? Was she genuinely happy? Or did she believe that either way, my fate was sealed and this was just a way to humor me and in turn, humor her?

Nah, that couldn't be it. At the moment, I was her hero.

Etna closed her artificial eyes and the same moment I thought she considered me to be her hero, she spoke not a word. It must have been a difficult moment for her, but when she opened her eyes, she spoke.

″I sent a transmission to the higher ups. It is awaiting approval.″

Just as she said that, a portal opened up and through the portal I could see an image of a metallic hallway, similar to the labyrinth I once traversed with Euphoria.

″Begone, you two,″ she pointed to the portal. Conrad was hesitant.

″Why me?″ He groaned.

″Perhaps you're the type who gets off to your own pain, but if that's the case, I imagine if I were to leave your body now that you would just die of pleasure,″ she crooned. Something told me she didn't have to say it herself, that she could have had Ecstasy say it without me listening, but then, I think she wanted me to hear it. For whatever reason that may have been.

″Fine,″ he dragged his feet and followed me into the great unknown, or the great familiar, depending on one's perspective.

We arrived at the facility in the dead of night. I checked my phone. 3 AM. The witching hour. Not that I believed any of that garbage, but it was always funny how superstitious people were about a time of day as if it actually meant something.

Along the way to the facility, I kept getting bonked on the head by the same person who carried me on his shoulders.

″So? How did it feel? Riding that elevator? So many times?″

I growled. ″I don't know! Like an elevator? Boring?″

″Oh yes, I imagine something like that. Some nice muzak here and there?″ He teased.

″I can't remember? Look, does it really even matter? I'm here, aren't I?″ There was no point squirming, just one of his hands on my back was like that of a boa constrictor's grip. Or, so I imagined. I never saw the appeal of zoos.

″Polo!″ Polo butted in. She was hopping from rooftop to rooftop, following the rhythm of motions that Marco made as he leaped across. All the while, I wanted to hurl, and I was certain I probably did at some point.

On the outskirts of the city, Marco set me down and he raised the hand he used to carry me up to his head as he scanned his surroundings.

″Where is this Lilypad base, anyway?″ I asked.

″We're going across the pond!″ Marco responded in a half-cheer and half-sing-a-long.

″Really? England?″

″The seagulls are stirring...″ he muttered, before turning around and looking astounded. ″What? Why would we be going to England? I was just making a frog reference!″

″Polo!″ Polo agreed.

″See? My sister gets it!″

I'm sorry, but I'm not your sister, I thought, clearly not getting it.

″There's an island off the coast of the next city over!″

″Ugh, I hate that city! They're so smug over there!″ I complained.

″Do you think that if I cut off a portion of my arm that I would grow back a second arm on top of my current arm?″ Marco wondered.

″Polo! Polo!″ Polo rebutted.

″Right, I'm not a salamander! Thanks for clearing that up, dear sister!″

I sighed, then felt an upset in my stomach. I had a feeling I was going to throw up again.

Marco bonked me over the head. It felt like an anvil. If I had died from the bonk then and there, this would be a much better, and less boring story.

″So how many times have you taken that elevator?″

″I don't know. At least a hundred?″ ″Oh boy! Just a hundred? It has been three years, has it not?″

″Fine. At least three hundred, I guess?″

″Oh boy! Your head must be mush! Seriously messed up, I dare say! How are you even functioning right now?″ He kept tapping me with his fist while making jeers I didn't understand. ″Gone for a little 'chop and change' every other day or so, huh?″

″Are you done?″ I groaned.

He nodded his head. I took a sigh of relief, but right as I did, he started up again.

″Like, who am I talking to right now? You may as well be a mindless serotonin government slave right now, huh?″

I wanted to hit my head against this concrete block wall or jump off the roof, just end it here and there. Those two were a headache, both physically and metaphorically. I didn't know if I could endure any more, or if any hacker group was worth this much trouble.

Before I had any time to take any drastic measures, Marco swooped me up and threw me into the air, propping me up on his shoulders once more.

″Come on, my little bugaboo! The night is still young and we have many stars to catch!″ His voice sang, dreamy as it was, it was also a whole lot of nothing.

″Polo!″ Polo rang a little ribbit, not quite as dreamy but still amounted to nothing as far as meaningful dialogue goes.

There wasn't a lot I recall during the moments of flight due to the motion sickness I acquired and made clear with my dizzy head and vomit, but there was a point where I swore security guards heard us and start pouring out from doorways and onto the rooftops we were jumping from. Somehow, against all odds, I passed out, although I heard static over their radios and possible gunfire.

What caused my awakening was a loud thud and sand in my face. My eyes opened to see myself on the shore of a beach next to some large building, the building itself obscured by palm trees. Hard to say how obscured it was, though, since palm trees did not grow around these parts and it would be rather out of place however you look at it.

″The fuck? That fucking hurt!″ I half yelled and half yawned.

″Beats taking the ferry though, eh? No fare to the ferryman!″ Marco sang.

″There's no such thi...ugh. Why do I even bother with you?″

″Falcons and eagles had better watch out for my sister. She's a poison dart gay frog.″

″I...uh...″ wasn't following. But this was Marco we were talking about here. It didn't take more than two sentences to lose track of what Marco was talking about. ″Say, were we shot at? Did police get involved? Were we noticed? Did anyone yell 'get down from those buildings?'″

Marco whistled. Polo licked her eyeballs with her tongue.

″Answer me, dammit!″ I growled.

″It was all in your head,″ Marco grinned and shrugged.

″Ugh! You had better not be joking around right now! I spent years in therapy! I was told you two didn't even exist, that you two were all in my head! I was lead to question what was real and what wasn't. Are you aware of what 'gaslighting' is?″

″Sure would be nice to see the other amphibians, yes? Let's go inside!″ Marco gestured toward the door.

″Well?!″ I stamped my foot.

″It couldn't be outside of your head for your eyes were closed, lad. Whether it was real or not, you didn't see it,″ he reassured in his own illogical way. It didn't make me any less angry, but I decided it was pointless to argue further and just walked into the facility with him.

Inside were rows of tables and cubicles separating the many, many desktop computers, humming. The click-clack of keyboard mashes and mouse clicks made me feel right at home. There seemed to be a few things out of place, like, say, the test tubes and beakers on tables next to the walls. Severed human body parts floating in some chemical mixture (eyes, feet, hands, noses), and swarms of flies buzzing around the room. The numerous computers seemed to be but a fraction of what made up this facility with various doors leading to what I assumed to be extensions of the building, further mysteries I might see soon enough.

″My god, am I in IT heaven?″ I marveled at what I was seeing.

Marco raised his hands up. ″Welcome to our froggy abode!″ He cheered.

Polo hopped across the room, to which a big, burly man stood up wearing some flannel outfit that made him look like a lumberjack. He was covered in warts and had a greenish complexion.

″Curly-Wurly!″ The man bellowed and Polo leaped into his hairy and warty arms.

″Polo!″ She gave a cheerful ribbit.

″Chungus!″ He bellowed once more.

″Kelly Roger, meet Mr. Periwinkle, he's a toad.″

″Toads aren't frogs,″ I pointed out.

Marco seemed to be ignoring me, instead marveling at the moment between his 'sister' and this 'toad' named Mr. Periwinkle.

″Why are they hugging for so long, anyway?″

″Frog and Toad are friends!″ Marco cheered.

″Yeah, but are they also lovers or something? They seem to be awful close.″

″Oh, no, my dear Kelly Roger, you have it all wrong! Mr. Periwinkle is a bear!″ Marco explained while also further confusing me.

″Okay so first you said this place was inhabited by nothing but frogs but then you say Mr. Periwinkle is a toad. Then you say he's a bear. But really, all's I see is a human.″

″Chumbawumba!″ Mr. Periwinkle made a loud, low croak. Marco brought his hands forward.

″Now, now, Mr. Periwinkle, my dear friend Kelly Roger didn't mean it like that!″ Marco turned to me. ″Mr. Periwinkle is a gay toad, just like my sister is a gay frog. In fact, Mr. Periwinkle has a husband. He and his husband have been very supportive of my sister since she was a wee tadpole!″

″Tadpole?! She's a--″ Marco stopped my tirade before I could even begin.

″Shh! My sister's very sensitive!″ He turned his head to each side, then fixed himself back on me. ″Here, come with me. We have much to discuss. Brief history lessons.″

I would have grumbled, but I reminded myself what kind of heaven I was in and kept my cool.

We walked through the halls, through another doorway which sure enough, lead to an extension of the building where mechanisms I didn't know the names for were moving about. It looked like the other side was more than some facility but once a factory or a laboratory of sorts.

Marco did a little tap dance and hummed a tune.

″Are you going to make a point?″ I growled.

″Our world is so full of points. Point A, point B, point #1, and so on.″

Whatever voice he had couldn't mask his mannerisms, which were nails on a chalkboard in comparison. ″Long ago, the powers that be tried to prove a point. Or not so long ago. All a matter of perspective, really.″

He swayed now, rather than dancing in place, as if a soothing lullaby was flowing through his mind.

″The Flashbulb crunched in some numbers, saw a sort of future where amphibians would take over the earth and cause humans to go extinct. So they did what any rational organization would do and experimented on frogs, toads, salamanders, um...″ Marco started counting on his long fingers. ″Name something, Kelly Roger.″

″Newts,″ I replied, already bored out of my mind.

″Ah, yes! That's why you're so brilliant! Even though you are, by all manners of speaking, brain dead!″

″They experimented on poor, helpless amphibians and made it so that they would go into the wild, mate, and their offspring would go infertile. But it had some unintended side-effects.″

″Such as?″

″Swamps could make a good vacation spot, now that I think about it...″

″Such as?″ I asked again, this time louder.

″Well, to put it simply, all amphibians became hyper-intelligent. And gay. They overthrew the wicked scientists and turned this facility into what you see now. Oh, and they developed humanoid appearances, which not all of them are too happy about. I find them beautiful, myself, though. Almost like a metamorphosis.″

″So whenever Alex Jones goes on one of his rants...?″ I suggested, thinking of how he might have actually gotten something right.

Marco laughed a hearty laugh. ″He's just a puppet for The Flashbulb. They pay him to spew nonsense and entertain idiots who think fascism is cool. His real name is Richard Nozzle, by the way. Now, if you want to get down to who's on the side of amphibians...Look no further than the World Wildlife Foundation, which we work with in order to raise awareness of preserving the frog population and avoiding extinction.″

I shrugged. ″Whatever. Why do you need me?″

Marco grinned. ″Someone with your, say, condition, would make a perfect ambassador. What we hope to do is to make it so all humans become gay frogs and have the best living conditions possible. A total gay froggy utopia! You can help spread the word on how great it is to be a gay frog!″

He was still beaming. ″We'll give froggy people universal healthcare, a living wage, no, no wage, because no one will have to be a slave, we'll restore the environment, give everyone a froggy home! We'll do it all and spread the love of gay frogs!″

″Look, I don't care about any of that social justice bullshit. I just wanna hack shit.″

″Oh Kelly Roger, never change. Even though you've changed hundreds of times already!″

I think he could tell how deep my apathy went, so he shrugged as well. ″Very well, K. Rog (a nickname that I was hoping would not stick). Go find an open computer and get to uncovering information on The Flashbulb.″

I walked back into the office and looked around. There were some aspects of these people that could be considered...frog-like, but even if Marco was right, it didn't mean a thing to me. I was where I wanted to be, and I needed nothing more.

Through each hall, with all the neon blue lighting and wires, I walked alongside Blanc, hoping for an opportunity to get rid of them and do what needed to be done.

And what would that be, hm? Ecstasy rang in my ear, who I knew not to really be Ecstasy, as I wasn't born yesterday.

You already know, I shot back. Making sure not to speak out loud.

″This place is so cool, don't you think?″ Blanc remarked. I was hating this experience already. I wished Velvet aimed for a vital organ.

″No, it's not cool. It's deadly. Don't you remember your experience in the underground maze? This is very similar.″

″Maybe from a design standpoint...″ Blanc looked around while saying. ″Yeah, I can see the similarities, but I feel a sense of purpose here. More so than I did when I was down there.″ I shook my head. ″I'm afraid I don't understand. You're still going to die here.″

″Is that so?″ Blanc asked, sounding more curious than afraid. There was something unsettling about the whole thing. Like I was dealing with someone who stole the body of someone I knew rather than the real thing.

″This place is surrounded by cameras, watching our every move. Listening in on all of our conversations. I have seen no timeline in which you make it out of this alive. Whatever you're planning, it's useless,″ I warned them, hoping it would instill some sense of fear. Instead Blanc just gave a bit of a laugh.

″How many timelines have you seen where I've been here?″ They asked. The answer was none.

They gotcha there, Ecstasy rubbed it in. I sighed. Ecstasy would hate me for this, but that was fine by me, as I hated her already.

″To tell you the truth, I wasn't always a member of The Flashbulb. As I told you, Blanc and I worked to take them down. It didn't work out. I stole their time device, but after so many do-overs, only to reach the same conclusion, Blanc's death, I figured if I couldn't beat them, join them.″

Blanc, the clone, yawned. ″You don't have to explain yourself to me, y'know? I may be me, but I'm not your friend. Your friend is dead.″

A chill ran over me despite the lack of breeze in the room. I wanted to cry, but it felt like Ecstasy was holding me back.

Blanc continued. ″That said, I don't think I can forgive you for killing those Beige. They weren't doing anything.″

I snapped. ″That's where you're wrong! They're the enemies of Earth just as The Flashbulb and Amphibian Overlords are. They're all manipulators. If you don't believe anything else I say, believe this: you couldn't trust them any more than you can trust me!″

″Oh really? And what could they possibly be doing just sitting around smoking weed all day, every day?″

″They didn't have to do anything! You know those 'antichrist' stories? The book of revelations? Mark of the beast and all that?″

″I think the past me once saw The Omen once or twice. Makes me associate Damien with evil, even if the person in question is perfectly fine. Honestly it's such a bad movie for that reason alone. Why?″

″When the Beiges moved into Egypt, one of them bore an offspring with a Pharaoh. From documents I've seen, this offspring is still alive somewhere, and prepared to sow chaos wherever they see fit.″

″Pretty creepy stuff, if only it was relevant.″

I imagined Blanc would have been more fazed. Something should have gotten to them. Just as I was contemplating how to break them next, a couple of guards walked by. Heavily armored, carrying assault weapons. I could see Blanc freezing up, finally experiencing the fear I was waiting for. Now everything would fall apart.

The two pointed their weapons at us. Blanc raised both hands forward.

″Now, now, there's, uh, no need to sh-shoot,″ Blanc stammered, but also faking a deep voice, for whatever reason. ″I'm Doctor David Blaine. I'm with the Waste Management Department.″

What? That's so stupid? Doctor 'David Blaine'? What does Blanc think they're doing? I raced through thoughts, somewhat in fear, myself.

I think the deep voice is kind of sexy, Ecstasy remarked. I chose to ignore that.

″Oh, you!″ One of the guards remarked. ″We've heard about you! Wow, what a shithole of Earth!″

″Yeah, it's a load of trash, all right!″ Blanc grimaced and scratched their head. ″Say, could one of you direct me to Dr. Copperfield's office?″

″Sure,″ the other guard replied. ″But you're not going to find him in right now. He's off in the break room.″

″Thanks for the heads up!″

The two guards pointed their weapons at me, now. I couldn't believe it. Shouldn't they know who I am? I could hear Ecstasy hissing.

″Now what about you? Who are you and what are you doing here?″

I wanted to yell and bark on about how they didn't know who I was, but Blanc chimed in instead.

″This is my assistant and comrade, Conrad. He's not a doctor.″

I felt insulted. Even though it was true. I wasn't a doctor.

″Oh, like a secretary?″

Blanc laughed a hearty laugh. ″Pretty much! Fetches me my reports, my coffee, all that jazz! He knows I love me that soylent green!″

The guards laughed as well. ″Alright, we you two keep to your designated zones. You know the drill.″

The two walked off and Blanc hunched over, letting out a sigh of relief. ″Can you believe that worked? Pretty lucky guess that there'd be a Dr. Copperfield, right? Maybe I'll keep having a lucky streak.″

″How did you know that Flashbulb doctors use codenames?″ I demanded to know. There was no way Blanc should have known that. Not unless they were already a Flashbulb member. Our secrets were pretty well guarded.

″What? I didn't know. Like I said, lucky guess. If it didn't turn out true, I'd be dead, right?″

″Which is why it couldn't just be a 'lucky guess'. Tell me right now!″

Blanc tried to whistle, something they weren't very good at. I squinted my eyes. Things just weren't adding up and it was infuriating. ″Let's go to that break room, shall we, comrade?″

″Don't you dare --call me 'comrade'. Only Blanc was allowed to call me that. Not some copy.″ I was about to say, but stopped myself. I felt like the power dynamic was no longer in my favor, even if it was clear Blanc couldn't do whatever it was they were planning.

We continued our path forward, figuring that I was going to be the one to show Blanc to the break room. It was just a few paces forward, past some double doors...

″Hey there, Dr. Copperfield!″ Blanc called out in the same exaggerated, low voice.

Dr. Copperfield was a middle-aged doctor, thinning hair and glasses. Chubby cheeks, and unshaved whiskers. If I had to give a general description, Dr. Copperfield looked like someone I could end up becoming if I wasn't so emaciated.

″Excuse me, who are you?″ Dr. Copperfield asked, without looking up from his eggs and sausage breakfast.

″I'm Dr. Blaine. I just got assigned to the waste management department. I'm thinking of arranging a team to help me out here. I already tried getting rid of the trash via a giant incinerator, but I feel like it's causing serious environmental issues.″

Dr. Copperfield shrugged. ″Leave environmental issues to the Environmental Department. Waste Management is just for getting rid of trash.″

″Oh yeah, good point! Well, what do you say, think of joining my team?″

″I don't know. It's beneath me as a scientist. Waste Management's kind of bottom of the barrel when it comes to departments, you know?″

″Suit yourself. I'm going to recruit Dr. Houdini.″

″Ha!″ Dr. Copperfield gave a resounding laugh. ″He's currently drowning in paperwork, which he probably isn't doing! Don't you know he has a habit of getting out of responsibilities?″

″I'll get him on my side, even if I have to handcuff him!″ Blanc declared. Something I knew Blanc wouldn't even try to do. I had to ask myself if there was a point to anything Blanc was doing, but then again, I was on my toes, knowing something suspicious was going on.

When Blanc and I left the break room, I spoke up.

″What part of that is supposed to give Etna a physical form?″ I reminded them of why they were here.

Blanc shrugged. ″I just took a quick detour. Anyway, which room is Dr. Houdini's?″

″Follow me,″ I groaned.

While we were walking, Blanc mused on about things that I really didn't have the patience for.

″So how does time travel work, exactly? I imagine it's like...hm...″ Blanc got lost in thought for a second.

Please don't mention Doctor Who. Please don't mention Doctor Who.

″Is it like Back to the Future or more like Bill and Ted?″ Blanc asked instead.

″You need not concern yourself with that. Only those with a time cube can go to various times.″

″Is that what it's called? 'Time Cube'? Interesting stuff.″

″Like I said, it doesn't matter, because need I remind you, you're not going to make it out of here alive!″ I fumed.

You should tell Blanc this... Ecstasy suggested as she began to relay a message from Etna.

″By the way,″ I began to retell. ″Etna tricked you. She knows you're going to fail. That's because at this point in time, she's already become the computer system you know. She just wanted you to toy with you as you experience the despair of knowing that whatever you do, you're going to die having fulfilled nothing.″

Blanc stared, wide eyed, at least for a second. Then blew out a deep breath and smiled. ″Hey, I know you're trying to scare me, but this is really reassuring. You could have just waited until I actually got there, but you decided to do it now.″

″What? You're not scared?″ I was flabbergasted.

″Well, maybe a little, but as long as I get something done, I don't mind dying.″

It was like they just ignored everything I had said. I couldn't believe what I was hearing.

″You're not as dumb as you make yourself out to be.″

″Thanks,″ they replied.

″Just who are you?″ I muttered. ″What are you planning?″

Blanc grinned. ″Me? I'm just a hopeless romantic.″

#happiness overload #tsuyu #back to the future #time cube #bill and ted #scifi #horror #writing #stories #epwrites #david blaine #something something leonard bernstein #with special guest appearances by etna

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esskadi-blog · 6 years ago

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The looooong road to baby story - Part I

We’ll begin in true Stephanie style smack dab in the middle of my list from my first post. I’ve never been known to be orderly.

I’ve been pretty open with my story of infertility with anyone who asks, but I want to go ahead and get the whole thing down while the details are fresh(ish), so my story has the opportunity to help anyone it can. This is going to be very thoroughly detailed, and thus very long. THE BEGINNING

Less than 3 months after Brannon and I got married, we found out we were (SURPRISE!) pregnant. I’ve never been on birth control in my life, so I knew this was a possibility, but it was still unexpected. We were kind of using the natural family planning form of birth control at this point (i.e. not having sex during the time of the month I’d be fertile.) However, we weren’t 100% at that....so things happened rather quickly. At the time we had just bought a house, Hazel was a tiny psycho puppy, I was working full time with Brannon at CCC and had just started Interior Design school full time on top of work. Not to mention we had joined a kickball team (relevant b/c every ounce of energy I had was being super extra sucked up). I knew I was pregnant before I tested, the same way I’ve known every time since - by the fact that I had become possessed with a demonic rage against Brannon. I had never felt anything like this kind of irritation before in my life, but I have felt it since - every time I’m in the window of 3-4.5 weeks pregnant. There’s another symptom I actually get even sooner which is my physical stamina immediately plummets to nonexistant during any form of working out, but this symptom isn’t normally enough to tip me off. I did however know Khloe K was pregnant before she did in the episode where she’s having a rough go at her regular workout, because the way she describes feeling is how I have felt every single early pregnancy workout. ANYWAY, back on track. So here I was a pregnant newlywed and I was super excited but also scared at the same time, and I decided not to tell hardly anyone about this pregnancy. So it was up to my friend Google to learn all the stuff about finding a doctor and when to go and what to expect and yadda yadda yadda. Let me tell you, Google is not very good at this sort of advice. I was told to wait until 8 or 9 weeks, and I was told that all the ladies of Knoxville love a doctor named Brabson and his team of midwives. So I scheduled my appointment for 9 weeks on the dot, not wanting to appear too eager. How silly this was in retrospect! The day of the appointment we show up to this wildly outdated office and are called back to a room to receive my first ultrasound. I was on pins and needles excited to get a look at my little nuggets for the first time (I was convinced they were twins). The ultrasound tech starts looking around in there and we’re seeing some stuff on the screen, but I don’t have a clue what I’m looking at, and the ultrasound tech is DEAD SILENT. She then says she’s going to go get a midwife. Midwife comes in and they start probing around again and the ultrasound tech mentions something about a yolk sac and a fetal pole or something, but this is all gibberish to me because I’d not previously schooled myself in anything to do with whats happening in my body, and nothing was stated in plain English until the midwife starts to tear up and stroke my arm and literally just says, “If it were me I’d wait a week and check again to be sure.” And I’m still sitting there like wait a week for what?! What on earth is going on?! No one had mentioned anything about what they were not seeing that they were supposed to be seeing. I had no idea at this point that we should be able to see a heartbeat and we weren’t seeing it, because like I said I’d done zero research into this type of thing. So all I knew was something was wrong, but I was too shocked to want to ask anymore questions I guess, and I was wondering if the infamous Dr. B was anywhere around because maybe I could see him next and he’d actually tell me what was happening? But that was not to be, after way more arm petting than I was comfortable with they sent us on our way. So we went home and of course that was when I decided I had questions. I called the office back in hysterics asking if the midwife could explain to me what was seen on the ultrasound but the midwife I had seen was gone, and the girl who had taken over said she couldn’t tell me anything over the phone and that I needed to come back in a week, but I had absolutely zero desire to step foot in that office ever again. We were going to Birmingham that weekend where we had planned on sharing the good news with Brannon’s parents, but instead I was stifling the emotions of potential miscarriage the whole weekend. With my lack of information from the midwife or ultrasound tech, I promptly googled the few words I could remember from the experience (namely “fetal pole” and “yolk sac”) and began looking at other images of 9 week ultrasounds to see what I was supposed to be seeing. What I could recognize was that what I had seen on the screen was not as developed as what I was finding in the image search. My thing hadn’t looked anything like this clear shot of a little tadpole like embryo with a defined head and body. I had seen a picture perfect circle, maybe 2 circles?, but nothing remotely human like. I deduced that maybe this meant there was no baby developing at all, and I told brannon thinking of it this way made me less sad because all along I had felt like I was pregnant with twins, so this made me feel more like I was just making the whole connection up if really nothing was happening.

The following week I had my ultrasound with the new doctor (not just a tech...thank goodness!) and was shown my twins whose hearts had stopped beating probably around 8 weeks. I was heartbroken knowing I’d been right about the twin feeling, but glad to know what was going on. We discussed options and I opted to have a d&c the following Sunday so I would get it over with and not miss any work or school. The on call doctor for Sunday approved my surgery and she ended up being my favorite obgyn I’ve had in Knoxville so I was happy to be in her care for the surgery and aftermath. I ended up hemorrhaging in surgery so it was a little scarier than expected, and I did end up missing a day of work and school, but everything turned out ok in the end.

Following this situation I knew I wasn’t ready to be pregnant again for awhile, both because of the emotional recovery and the fact that I now understood so much better the intense physical toll pregnancy takes on your body (i.e. 24/7 worst hangover of your life) so we made greater efforts to avoid this happening again for the next year or so while I got deeper into design school and we enjoyed our first year of marriage. I guess I shouldn’t end this part of the story without explaining the way this first miscarriage left me feeling, as each one has been unique. This time I was left feeling pretty alone. I didn’t feel like Brannon really felt the same depths of emotions pertaining to the loss, and none of my friends had gone through this. One friend with a child said some pretty insensitive stuff when I was trying to talk to her about it one day so that left me feeling more closed off and alone. Another friend without a child always knew the most perfect thing to say to make me feel better. My brother and sister-in-law had just gone through a miscarriage of their own weeks before, so I did have them, but our situations were different in that they’d been trying for that baby for awhile, so I didn’t feel like my pain was really worthy of being related to the greater depth of their pain. But I guess back to trying to explain some of the miscarriage emotions, I’ve learned that for me the massive flux in hormones leaves me feeling the same way each time for at least 2-3 weeks. It has always mostly resolved by the start of my next cycle. It’s easy to see the difference between the depression like feelings brought on by the hormone flux and the more deeply rooted feelings of hopelessness that lingered past the first cycle of subsequent miscarriages when I was so desparately wanting a baby and not knowing if it would ever be in the cards for me. The last factor brought on by this miscarriage is something that will probably never leave me, and thats the little hint of worry brought on by reading stories of misdiagnosed miscarriages in the time since, and wondering if maybe it was too soon to have detected the heartbeats or if the timing was incorrect. I can mostly logic these worries away (with really good reason), but theres a tiny shred of me that will always have that fear, I think just because I was so much less informed about everything that was happening with this miscarriage than I was with the next ones.

One final note on this first miscarriage is an interesting fact I picked up on much later when reviewing my medical records from the pregnancy. On that second ultrasound done at the good doctor, my twins’ measurements showed an estimated due date of 6/16/14. This sent chills up my spine, because my dad and his twin sister were born 6/16/61. :) Of course this wouldn’t have been their actual EDD because they’d spent the last week not living, but it was still pretty crazy to see on paper! Ok I thiiiiiiiink that about covers it for babies 1 &2. We’ll pick up in fall of 2014 for part 2 of this probably 3-4 part story.

#miscarriage #pregnancyloss #twinmiscarriage

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mikeyd1986 · 7 years ago

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MIKEY’S PERSONAL BLOG 75, October 2017

The past few days have been really difficult for me to say the least. I can already feel that I’m in a state of transition right now after walking away from my current personal trainer Luke Davey last Friday. It was an extremely tough decision for me as I was hoping that things would get better and that we could turn a corner somehow. But the reality is that I just wasn’t happy training there anymore. No amount of self-help books, positive affirmations and friendly exchanges could cover up how I was truly feeling inside...uncertain, depressed, frustrated, misunderstood, conflicted, upset and hurt. I needed to move on.

Does it make me a bad person to want to change personal trainers? Hell no! I don’t think so. My biggest problem has always been worrying what other people will think and how they will react to my decisions. Am I making the right choice? Am I being too sensitive? Am I giving up too easily? Nope. I’m simply doing what’s best for me. From my perspective, there’s no bad blood between myself and Luke at all and I really appreciate everything he has done for me. He has helped me achieve many of my fitness goals. He has challenged me physically, mentally and emotionally. I’ve learned lots of new skills, movements and techniques.

So no, I don’t regret any of it at all. I just hope that Luke can accept and respect my decision as well. I’m really proud of myself for being open and honest with Luke as well as ending this PT-client relationship on respectful and peaceful terms.

Here is a list of achievements I’ve made with Luke Davey at Breakaway Fitness:

Losing 20kg of body weight (from 105 to 85kg)

Building up lean muscle in my arms, legs, glutes, hamstrings, back, buttocks etc.

Learning the correct techniques, forms and movements for doing deadlifts, back squats, front squats, bench press and dumbbell bench press

Completing many AMRAPs (As Many Reps As Possible), EMOTM (Every Minute on the Minute), 3-4 rounds and time based workouts

Learning how to do stretches, box jumps, push ups, ring rows, using the balance board, kettle bell swings, single arm kettle bell lifts, squats, walking lunges and burpees

Improved my squat depth and weight lifting ability

Learning how to deal with anxiety, depression, fear, stress, overthinking, self-doubt, self confidence issues and believing in myself

On Monday morning, I went to my Yin yoga class with Kelly Wallis at Now, Yoga. in Narre Warren South. I kinda embarrassed myself this morning as I expected to see Kelly the moment I walked into the studio but instead saw another lady at the desk and instantly assumed that she was filling in. Whoops! But I let that moment go pretty quickly. It was moderately full class with about 10 students or so. I haven’t been to one of Kelly’s classes in a long time and I’ve missed her style of teaching.

Today there was a lot of focus on doing long holds and supported variations of poses including Standing Forward Bend, Yogic Squat, Sphinx pose, Puppy pose, Cow Face pose, Reclining Single Leg Spinal Twist and Child’s pose. And for the first time in the eight years I’ve been doing yoga, everyone had a literally chuck a temper tantrum. Normally, I hardly ever give myself permission to act silly or make lots of loud noises but today was the exception. And it felt great...releasing negative emotions like anger, frustration, guilt, shame, regret is so important and trust Kelly to come up with the idea. It was brilliant! http://nowyoga.net.au/

On Monday night, I revisited The Yard Strength & Fitness in Pakenham for the first time since August. It felt good being back here. In some ways, it was the ace up my sleeve if things went pear shaped at UFT. You can call it jumping ship but I have honourable intentions behind it. I truly believe that I deserve to train in a place where I feel supported and encouraged by everyone there. Part of me will miss being at UFT PLAYgrounds but I know in myself that I’ve made the right decision in leaving. I have to keep moving forward. https://www.facebook.com/TheYardStr...

Tonight I did a Bootcamp class with two other girls, Eliza and Ebony, and it was run by Stacey Kett. We warmed up by doing some kettle bell swings and runs up and down the carpark. It honestly felt like I was doing the beep test back in high school PE class. Next we did a series of movements at 25 seconds each including KB squats, bar knee tucks, KB swings, squat bar jumps, KB high lifts, plank holds with KB touch and push ups.

The final part involved an eight round TABATA doing plank holds. I was pretty much shaking and pouring with sweat at this point. My foam yoga mat was covered in it. But that meant that I really worked hard tonight. None of the tough emotional issues from last week were going to bring me down. I also feel like I’m improving heaps with my push ups, squats, running and plank holds.

After the Bootcamp class, I had a brief chat with Abhishek Ashokkumar from Silverback Training Co. about the possibility of him becoming my next personal trainer. Honestly, I was a little nervous and weary as I normally am meeting new people but I felt comfortable enough to tell him about my goals, my mental health issues, what happened between me and Luke and why I want him to train me. I’m looking for someone who is compassionate, supportive, encouraging, patient and kind. Hopefully Abhi can deliver on those fronts. One step at a time. https://www.facebook.com/silverback...

On Tuesday morning, I had my feedback session with Dr. Yasmin Baliz at CNS: Comprehensive Neuropsychological Services in Narre Warren. I was feeling a bit nervous waiting for Yasmin to arrive the reception area with my mum sitting across from me. Today was the day that I’ll find out either way whether I sit on the Autism Spectrum or not. We sat in the same room that we were in during the first appointment, with the same white plush leather sofas, black glass coffee table, fake palms and artificial cricket/tadpole noises from the Rainforest Room next door.

So the moment of truth...I’ve been officially diagnosed with High Functioning Autism, which is essentially a mild form of Autism. Characteristics for diagnosis include difficulties with social interaction in groups, poor social skills, difficulties with verbal and non-verbal communication, prefers routine and predictable environments, prefers independent activities and finds sensory environments to be overwhelming. It was a lot of information to process in that session but thankfully there is lots of support and resources out there to understand it better. http://www.cnspsych.com.au/process....

Yasmin left me with the “The Autism Spectrum Information Booklet” and will be posting me out the report on my results from the assessment. I feel better knowing that there is an underlying cause for my thoughts, feelings, emotions and behaviour particularly in social situations that were often difficult to explain to others. There is a strong genetic component with a cousin on my Mother’s side also having Autism and there have been signs since childhood that I may be predisposed to it. But at least I know now so it’s like a veil’s been lifted. http://www.autism-help.org/autism-h...

On Tuesday night, I attended the Mental Health & Wellbeing seminar at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. Sadly there wasn’t a big attendance at tonight’s event with most staff members taking up the semi-circle of folded chairs but I still felt like I got a lot out of the presentation. https://www.caseyarc.ymca.org.au/wh...

The first presenter was a guy named James who is a personal trainer and an ambassador for Beyond Blue. He has suffered with depression and suicidal thoughts since the age of 13, going through periods of low self-esteem, self harm, substance abuse and denial. It took him many attempts to overcome his depression with several relapses and various psychologists but eventually he pulled through it. His strategies include finding a psychologist with similar values, being open about how you’re thinking and feeling and doing productive activities such as reading, going to the gym, hanging out with mates. https://www.beyondblue.org.au/conne...

The second presenter was Dr. James Collard who is a clinical psychologist and representative from CBT Australia. His talk on mental health was more in depth and academic, exploring where emotions come from, the biological, social and psychological aspects, the effects of depression and anxiety, dealing with anger and problem behaviours and using self-care strategies to help cope with mental health issues. He provided quite a few examples from young clients and parents who he has worked with over the years which I found to be quite relatable. https://www.cbtaustralia.com.au/

On Thursday morning, I attended my Body Balance class with Wendy Lynne Perrow at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. It was a really great feeling to walk into that group fitness studio and be welcomed by Wendy as soon as I stepped onto the mat...”It’s lovely to see you again Michael. Welcome back.” Sometimes that’s all you need, that acknowledgement, to know that somebody else cares about you and it’s what I needed in that moment. Truthfully, I’ve missed Wendy’s classes as well.

Today we did release number 69 which featured the following exercises: Tai-Chi Warmup (Overhead circles, Wide legged arm sweeps, Soft blocks), Sun Salutations (Forward fold, Downward Facing Dog, Plank, Baby Cobra), Standing Strength (Warrior 2, Sun Warrior), Balance (Aeroplane pose, Dancer’s pose), Pilates (Double arm and leg extensions, Double D, Threading the Needle), Twists (Seated open and closed twist, Butterfly pose) and Hamstring Stretches (Staff pose with legs crossed, Wide Legged Forward Fold) and Relaxation. https://grandnat.co.uk/what-already...

The thing I really appreciate about Wendy’s classes is her patience and guidance, allowing us all to take different options if we need to and not worry if the poses or movements aren’t “perfect”. She always has a way of making the class enjoyable for everyone and when it comes to the Relaxation, she is the undisputed queen of Guided Meditations. Her voice is so gentle and calming. I could easily drift off to sleep if I wanted to! https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f... On Friday morning, I had my Body Combat class with Cinamon Guerin at YMCA Casey ARC in Narre Warren. So today’s class was a little different than usual. Firstly, it’s a longer class at 55 minutes and there was many more people participating, probably around 30 or so. There was also a small group of women down the front who were loud, extroverted and singing along with the tracks. I made the choice to not let them bother me nor do I necessarily have to be like them or copy what they’re doing. Just focus on being myself and doing my own workout.

There were quite a few challenging sections in this morning’s class especially doing dynamic lunges and front kicks. It always messes with my balance and I find it difficult to keep up the pace. But otherwise I was doing fine. I put a lot of effort in and could feel a huge emotional release during the jab boxes. You just get to the point where you’ve had enough of dealing with negativity and people who bring you down. So it felt good getting all of that out of my system today. https://www.lesmills.com/workouts/f...

“I can't fake it, it's never enough. It's got a hold on me. Left behind here, I can't keep up. Come get a hold of me. I was thinking if I could be tough. You'd wanna hold onto me. I will be your home, keep you warm when it's cold. I will try to be what you need when you're low. I can only promise the girl that I am. I'll do anything that I can.” Broods - Recovery (2016)

“Something tipped me over. Someone knocked me down. Emptied out my inside. Poured it on the ground. A cavern for a body, The deeper darker kind. For all I hear are echoes, Repeat inside my mind. I thought the shade around me, was making me feel blind. I thought I was a hero, but I was just a child.” Broods - Worth The Fight (2016)

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