#but i wasnt like huge into astrology i was just like

[silverjirachi]

another beige flag that should have told me i was trans is when i was in high school there was a period of time where i stopped identifying as a girl and only identified as an aquarius

[timetravell]

Twas the first day of school, here is a little recap:

We mainly went over all the new procedures. Theres one about phones and if they have to take it up 4 times in a row you have to pay a fine of 15 dollars. And the dress code regressed?? No teacher is enforcing it though. We still have the same tardy policy (10 tardies = ISS).

If this phone policy doesn't 'work' then we just- wont be allowed to bring our phones at all Which is a HUGE safety concern.

below is a recap of all my class periods <3

1st period: Colorguard

Nothing much happened here, again a lot of today was just a repeat of all procedures. There were a few band specific things, such as attendance, rehearsals, UDB, and stuff pertaining to the band hall itself. There is now a form so if need be, your istrument can be turned into the shop to get fixed!

We also cleaned out the guard locker room/area. All of the costumes from last year got put in one of the lower lockers. We somehow found stuff from seniors who left YEARS ago. And 3 year old water....in a jug still.. yikes.

2nd: Forensics!!!

Im actually so happy I got to be in this class. Im looking forward to a lot of things in it. Especially the labs and that one lecture about blood splatters. Our teacher is actually absent this first week, but thats because he's also the volleyball coach. (Our volleyball team is in Hawaii for nationals I believe)

We had three assignments. One of them was designing a locker (mine is super cute, it has a Marina poster), the second was a Syllabus scavenger hunt which isn't due until tomorrow but I wanted to get a jump on it so I finished it at home. The third was homework, which was just a student survey.

3rd: ELA

It was just, again, more policy updates and a little get to know you card. This class, thank god, wont be all on computer. We'll have some paper assignments. We haven't gotten our reading yet (which upsets me a teeny bit, but I'm sure we'll learn about it later in the week)

4th: AP World History

I'm actually so exited for this class its not even funny. I was genuinley upset when we didnt get our unit 0 packets and when I found out we werent getting our textbooks until Friday.

We did learn that the AP teachers are no longer allowed to split that 70% weighted major assignments to 40/30. Which absolutely sucks, and on top of that our first unit is stuff our state says we NEED to know to get said World History credit. Which means we wont even be tested on it come spring. Our district hates us.

I actually have a good teacher for this AP class, last year I had a very (idk how else to put it) 'White privlidged' teacher. AND AND I narrowly missed being stuck in a class with someone I despise. Made me so happy!

I also learned that 'The History of the Entire World I guess' is pretty accurate! So I can use that as a study resource for like- a short summary.

5th: Astronomy

SO SO SO excited for this class. And there is no math! None! (If they added math it would have to become an AP class). My teacher is so funny unironicly. He's very monotone and you would think he'd be a bore, but he's actually really funny in my opinion.

We actually will talk about why Astrology isnt real which I think will be really fun. I dont nessicarily believe astrology is real, I like the idea of it. But going indepts on why it isnt is going to be really interesting!

We also will get to learn how galaxies and solar systems form, which will be really helpfull for making my story, Abyss. Theres also gonna be night labs!! (if we go we get a free 100 on a test grade) And maybe some Day Labs if the school can get their hands on a solar telescope.

6th: Geometry

It's geometry. There wasnt really anything of note here. Just the fact that i somehow have a class full of kids who dont care abt the Highschool grades. (I have confirmed this, it isnt speculation) It's gonna be a loud period..

7th: Band (they split it up weird)

Again nothing of note. EXCEPT NOW I HAVE TO LEARN THE SHOW?? ON MY FLUTE?? WHAT??

Im in guard, i dont do 'band' until concert season. I cant work on my solo during this period OR my homework. Pissed me of factually because the original plan was as followed:

Used as a study hall

Practice choreography

Practice flute

But nope! They hate me! /j

8th: Musical Theatre!

So many new people! Its gonna be so much fun! I have a lot of friends in that class so im really excited!

I already know the song im gonna do for our first solo, just gotta get permission cuz its technicly not from a musical (Wont say im in love from hercules)

Anyways thats it!! Tmmr will most likely have some more stuff so follow if you want to see!

[starshine555]

Metal Vocalist Indicators in Astrology

I decided to do something a little different to practice reading natal charts so I had the idea to look at metal vocalists' natal charts. Unfortunately, for many of them I couldn't find any birth times so these will mostly be aspects and planet placements. I was specifically aiming for metal vocalists that actually "scream" and not just sing, even if the music they make is more like rock rather than metal to see if there's any significant indicators. So i'll start this list with the placements I saw the most.

Water Mars

This is the placement that appeared the most. I was actually very surprised at first to see this placement pop up A LOT. But the more I thought about it, the more things added up, because of how much water mars bottle up how the feel. I think water mars channel the energy of metal music very well. I was expecting to see a lot of fire mars, but I only saw a sprinkle of leo mars and aries mars here and there.

Examples:

Scorpio mars: Serj Tankian (System of a Down), Jonathan Davis (Korn), Marilyn Manson (Marilyn Manson), Angela Gossow(Arch Enemy), Joe Duplantier (Gojira), Franz (Attila), Kadeem France(Loathe), Winston McCall (Parkway Drive).

Cancer mars: Phil Anselmo (Pantera), Chester Bennington (Linkin Park), Caleb Shomo (Beartooth), George Fisher (Cannibal Corpse), Chris Roetter (Like Moths to Flames), CJ McMahon(Thy Art is Murder), Alex Koehler (Chelsea Grin), Ben Burnley (Breaking Benjamin).

Pisces mars: Chino Moreno (Deftones), Zach de la Rocha (Rage against the machine- yes, i know, he raps, but he does in fact scream in his music), Frank Mullen (Suffocation), Jake Luhrs(August Burns Red).

Mercury-Uranus

This placement makes a lot of sense, because this placement is a huge indicator of having a unique voice in general. I mostly saw a mix of harsh aspects(conjunction, oppositions and squares.), but there were some harmonious placements also.

Most of the people on this list above had this placement, but here are some without water mars:

Ex:

James Hetfeild-conj.(Metallica), Tatiana Shamayluk-sextile(Jinjer), Maynard James Keenan-trine(Tool/ A Perfect Circle), Morgan Landers-sextile(Kittie).

Mars-Uranus

People with this placement have a desire to express themselves through ways that are considered 'out there', hence, this is a good placement for metal vocalists(screaming).

Ex:

Tom Araya -conj.(Slayer), Corey Taylor -opp.(Slipknot), Maria Brink -square(In This Moment), Lacey Sturm -Trine (Flyleaf), David Draiman -square(Disturbed), Chad Grey -Trine(Mudvayne).

Extra Indicators:

These placements weren't as common but I saw some synchronicities to them, so here are some extras.

Mercury-pluto/lilith/saturn- I suppose these placements could sort of an edge to how people communicate, but it wasn't super abundant.

Sun-Mars - this was fairly common, and ofc it makes sense that people with this aspect would do something as bold as scream in music.

Moon-mars - This one wasn't super common but I could definitely see how people with this placement could be potential metal vocalists.

Leo Mars- after all the water mars this is the other more common mars placement. Roar, Leo, roar!!

Taurus Mars- Yet another placement I was not expecting, but I did see it in a lot of people's charts.

Possibly Virgo moon- okay, to be fair, again, most of the natal charts I looked at didn't have birth times so this could be inaccurate. If it wasnt for that I would've put this placement at the top of the list with water mars, but from what I saw a-hell-lot of vocalists had this moon sign.

Conclusion

I'm going to be honest, I was expecting to see a lot of aquarius or aries, but to my suprise that wasn't the case. But the point of this post isn't to say that you MUST have these placements to be a vocalist or whatever, but just to see what kind of energy is most likely to be suited for metal screaming. I put a lot of time into researching this stuff, but it was fun anyways😁.

Photo credit to:Trev Earl

[ballplayersxo]

this sounds like a good man y’all omg. just thinking about his body?? need him expeditiously anon you won fr. but how do you manage to keep this all hidden from your man? you need to give the girls tips on your game

well first off i only cheated bc my man cheated first, im honestly a loyal person but once you have enough you have enough, just to clarify 😭😭 and he cheats bad but at the end of the day hes my man and im not letting go! i seriously love him. but i keep it hidden bc my man trusts me, he doesnt snoop through my shit and i only message him when my mans away and drive to go see him or whenever hes in miami and my mans away we see eachother but otherwise when im with my man his number is blocked and convo deleted even in the deleted convos tab. our fling ended recently and i dont see it starting back up unless my man fucks up again.

also hes not ugly in person. hes not photogenic but a lot of guys are reverse catfishes. ive seen jalen green at a party and wasnt that impressed, but hes a huge pretty boy online. i feel like its better for a man to look good in person and meh online than reverse. and his body is a 12/10. hes actually the best built man ive ever seen and ive seen a lot of muscles and height. hes just HUGE. good personality + good sex. im into astrology so i did his chart, hes a scorpio sun pisces moon cap rising so water water earth. what was the dream you had?? im curious to know.

LMAOOOOO anon we love someone who gets their lick back 😭 do what you have to do and it sounds like you’re being very smart about it! if your man is taking care of you and everything then i get why you don’t wanna let go, no shame there at all. and yeah i think another anon said he looks better in person and i’m guessing his aura is part of that. we love #good men. & honestly the dream was just in bed kissing and he was on top of me so i can remember all his weight on me. i woke up a new woman fr shoutout to this blog and the work y’all have done

[pinkmoondoll9shihtzu]

do u believe in the 27 forever curse? and how did u survive being 27?

in a way i believe it, but i dont see it as a curse, i find it to b more mathematical, as, you see: in astrology there is something called the progressed chart it'd take too iong to explain here but. when you're 27/28 u experience a transit called the "progressed lunar return". Having to do w the moon, it brings up unresolved pains from childhood, it's also seen as a precursor to ur saturn return that happens when ur 28-30. Like that wound u become overwhelmingly aware of at 27 is the set-up for what saturn's about to obliterate in order to redirect your life in alignment w your highest self. its all just math xD

No but it is sad how age 27 has bcome synonymous w /the curse/ as many ppl cant cope w their pain so they end up taking drastic measures. Thats why i like learning abt systems such as astrology cus when i was 27 it was an absolute nightmare but i kept reminding myself its temporary & this difficulty is just what the forecast called for. 27 rly was the grand culmination of all my fuck ups & childhood sadness especially revisiting death + immigration pains.

i survived it by ummmm having a huge embarrassing unrequited crush on slimbo that i fantasized about all day long xD and taking a lot of sedatives. i barely made any art or posts that year. it was complete hell! towards the end of it my friend saint died which catapulted me back into action. idk if i wouldve started using tumblr or getting serious abt art again if it wasnt for saints passing. cus i was in such a defeated place, but i rly wanted b the person they once saw me as. so i pulled myself up i guess and tried to do some saturn shit..And thats how i got thru it

Now 3 yrs later my life completely different. And way better! but still hard. it never gona b perfect. just keep going even if u have to b a shell for a while. Fight! On! Fight! On! -PMD9

[twistedyapping]

how i deal with build ups of energy

to clarify what i mean real quick, anyone that knows me should know im a pretty spiritual kinda guy- i thoroughly believe in negative and positive energies and that both of them are weirdly physical despite falling under the metaphysical category

i also believe in old energy and new energy- it's kinda like water in a way yknow- u dont wanna drink old water bc who KNOWS what it's got in it, so you usually wanna flush it out and get new or clean water instead

now lemme explain why im yapping abt this

i just did a workout and at first i really couldnt get into it (for those who dont know, my method of exercise is literally putting my earbuds in, turning the lights off and performing my favorite songs as if i was the singer on stage in front of a crowd bc that's something i eventually want to Actually do), i did a couple songs and i just wasnt feeling it but i was like Well nah- nah this- this cant be 😧

bc i kinda had to do a workout today, i knew i needed it for some reason, so i was like Ok well let me try a song that almost always works (falling away from me by korn)

and i did it and for the most part i felt this kind of shell i was in start to crack- i started to get a little more energized throughout the whole song and im like Okay inch resting- and it was at that point i started to have a hunch about what this lack of energy was.

i did another song that i hadn't actually done before but knew that whenever i listened to it, i couldn't Not crank the volume every time the chorus hits- it's one of Those™ songs (and it's gravity of discomfort by korn)

right before the first chorus hit, i felt myself REALLY start to come out of whatever shitty shell i was in, but then something bit back into me and the chorus itself wasn't as good-

2nd chorus rolls around and i am FEELING it FINALLY- the breakdown hits and i have the moment where it fully clicks and i know what's wrong with me.

essentially what was happening was i was just full of too much old, shitty, stagnant energy- the kind of shit that when you let it fester, it makes you not want to do the very things that would get rid of it.

it was at this point that i finally started feeling correct again so i did a song that i just wanted to do in general (shoots and ladders), and then i followed it with the one song that is the most energy purging fucking thing i know of for myself (chi- these r all korn songs if u couldnt tell by now-)

this is the ONE SONG that, no matter what vibe im in, i will end up purging Something fucking huge energetically and the song will end and ill feel like a new man completely

if u follow my astrology blog, @twistedastrology, u shouldve seen the cancers and rage post i did bc this ties into it immensely 😮‍💨

this may have been the most insane ive ever gone to this song im not gona lie- i can almost guarantee you i scratched the shit out of my own skin because it's like having a parasite in you and you just start clawing at your own skin, desperate to get it out of you.

that and im a very physical person when it comes to purging shitty energy (again, the cancers and rage post will explain it 💔)

the experience with the song itself almost had me breaking down into tears, and if i wasnt so unbelievably angry, i probably would've-

i literally feel so much better now that i burnt that shit off bc now that i know abt it, i can definitely tell how it's been eating me up inside

but i wanna talk abt before i started getting into the swing of things vs after.

there was this very obvious apprehension that i talked abt, yknow not feeling into it- and then after i got rid of the garbage energy, i was sat on the floor in front of the fan just feeling So much better-

you're always gonna feel like shit before you purge something, it's like pulling teeth, right? the more you dont want to do it or dont feel like doing it, the more you actually need to.

it's that shitty energy's last line of defense, it's digging into you tooth and nail with every appendage it has, begging for you to not evict it from your body and mind because it has nowhere else to go.

think of it like leaving a shitty partner- you say you wanna end things and then they shit themselves and cry and scream and beg and punch walls and threaten to off themselves if you leave them because omg no!!!! nooooo not my energetic breakfast lunch and dinner!!!! nooooo dont leave me ur too sexy haha ur lifeforce is too fun to drain lol

Like bro.

my personal experience with these energy purges is usually the same every time, i catch onto it, get so pissed about it that i basically burn it from the inside out, and then i go to bed that day and wake up the next a whole new person.

i get way happier, better at listening and talking to the ppl around me, i have 10x more energy, i can sleep way better at night, etc.

and then eventually, something will find it's way back in and i have to repeat the cycle, but the only time repeating that cycle is a bad thing is when i fail to burn the shitty energy off and then become a conduit for all things miserable, which i personally refuse to let happen because it's my worst nightmare.

also update i just felt a vague stinging on my collarbone and im like oh shit whar- go to feel it and im like Holy shit that feels bad- check it out and ya i got a big ass scratch right there damn bitch calm down 💔💔💔 im surprised it's not actually bleeding ngl it looks like it's like 2 layers of skin away from it tho 😭😭😭

ANYWAY

i know it sucks and i know it's kinda shitty or silly to say, but a build up of negative energy is very similar to, the same as, and can even Lead To depression, anxiety, whatever.

im never gonna dismiss someone's mental health issues as "oh ur juet holdidng onto too much negative enebgryy Go hold some rocks!!!!!!!".

negative energy can play a part in it, and rocks can help with that part, but they wont magically cure your genuine mental illness and they should never be looked at like they will.

But for me, my mental illness is just exacerbated by said shitty energy, and that's what doing these ungodly purges fixes. sometimes you get shitty energy from just having a long day, sometimes people deliberately (mostly unknowingly tho) throw it onto you because they dont wanna deal with their own shit, sometimes you just get it from yourself.

the source of it doesn't matter as much as the expulsion of it.

and for me, after i expel such an intense amount as i just did, i get SUPER tired, sometimes i even get a temporary but god awful migraine-

at one point i genuinely cleared out so much old energy at once that i kept getting more and more tired to the point of keeling over and knocking out a couple times and waking up with the migraine of a lifetime, AND my ENTIRE body was RUTHLESSLY sore- but i kept going because i wanted all of it out as fast as possible.

i didnt wanna just slowly sift through it no no i HAD to do it as fast as my body would let me, there was no other choice in my head because that's just not how i work.

so while i may sorta fuck myself up with how Quickly and violently i expel this kinda stuff, it's never not for a good reason. i can handle a couple scratches on my body, i can handle a head-splitting migraine, i can handle my whole body feeling like it's gonna fall apart as long as i get the shit out of my system.

with time, my body will heal on it's own, but my mind will spiral if i dont keep it in check.

and i think with that im gona end this yapping session- idk if any of this made any modicum of sense but i hope that if it did, u took Something positive from it.

if u actually read this far legitimately god bless u and there will be plenty more yapping sessions 2 come

- 🌙 -

[monstaxdirtywonk]

MX’s IC (Imum Coeli)

DISCLAIMER : Read this! because I don’t want anyone to start drama at the comments since I said it already. We don’t know their birth times and IC needs birth time. I did a post on my speculations regarding this. That’s why those IC signs are ALLEGED ones. Thank u for understanding~

IC sign, the opossite of Midheaven, a personal one, how we are in private, our hidden desires and sense of comfort.

Shownu (Taurus rising,Leo IC)

I find this so accurate and this post might be a bit playful at some parts since it has to do with upbringing and maybe a bit of ‘weak’ spots. 

Shownu is a traditional man! He’s said so himself and especially in korean culture (I’m not korean but that’s what i’ve heard) reputation is a big deal.

That’s why he grew up taking pride in his heritage, embracing his culture and this is where his pride lies. 

As a shownu stan, i might know him a little bit better than the rest and I have to say the follow era was a hell for him but he didn’t show it because he puts a ‘rock’ persona out

besides his band mate leaving the group, what hurts him the most is his reputation being ruined in the eyes of the entire country

you don’t understand how harmful this is for shownu

thankfully many agreed he wasnt in the wrong but still it was a lot

anyways that’s over and we’re doing much better and that’s what matters

regarding the desire part, he wants someone that truly respects him for who he is

and he truly is someone worthy of that

Wonho (Cancer rising, Libra IC)

Another hard one but some posts are like that

in general the best signs for an IC are the water ones (yayy we are validated for once xD)

wonho has in general lots of water influence and as we can see, he is someone in touch with his emotional side that tends to get touched easily and cries even in more light-hearted situations that aren’t that heavy

after all water signs are known for being crybabies

his ic can create an opossition here since libra ic can be about mantaining peace and a seemingly ideal family/personal life

but this doesnt exist and problems arise

however his need for mantaining that perfect picture might make him skip on those and kind of bury such issues

this might connects with his past and those issues he shared with us after the entire ‘scandal’

maybe as a teen, he avoided all this and this might be the reason why nowdays he is prone to crying, he misses that

i am a huge advocant on men expressing their feelings and im happy he does that

according to his ic but chart in general, i do think that he wants a peaceful life and to be with someone that rarely gets agressive, someone mild and understanding, someone to encourage his emotional side he might supressed in the past

Minhyuk (Libra rising, Capricorn IC)

i do get the vibes that minhyuk was very put together from a very young age

neat and all

probably very responsible and mature too

his libra self has high ideals and he enjoys luxury and that’s why he might works extra hard to have this life

this might lead to him being demanding at times which is very intersting since this is a side of his we’ve never seen 

he craves stability and that’s a bit contrasting with his seemingly chaotic life

family oriented as well, we know how good he is with kids

he loves all of that

Kihyun (Pisces rising, Cancer IC)

that’s a great sign for IC since cancer rules this placement

his caring nature and mother role goes hand in hand with his childhood which seemed to be great 

he was nourished and felt safe with strong parental figures

he finds joy in family like settings

also he has a special connection with home, wants it to be cozy and all

might not even care about a ‘modern’ home but maybe his family one, that’s probably an average korean home, means much more than any other super luxurious one

he craves people that he can feel comfortable with and be real

Jooheon(Capricorn rising, Taurus IC)

This is something repetitive that i’ve seen when they talk about this placement

which might make sense with his rising

that there’s a need to create your own individual person and move away from your family ideals/habbits

well behaved as a kid, but this need of being a ‘good boy’ might’ve made him following others expectations instead of his own

but still close to family, just having his own influence over himself and he’s done that in my eyes

Changkyun(Scorpio rising,Aries IC)

Honestly if there’s a member I wish I knew his birth time the most, it;s Changkyun

I wanna see what his houses reveal because he seems to have an inner conflict at times

he has pisces/scorpio making him very romantic intimate and even clingy but then there’s aquarius and aries, wanting independence

he might not want to admit the first part because i do think that at times he wears a ‘mask’

i’m not saying he is not genuine but he might want to appear tough since the world can be too cruel for his delicate feelings at times

rebellious and impulsive , especially with that aquarius, but if he is careful, he can bring change and have an impact since he is an idealist

(for astrology ships dm me 4-5$)

[dannyphannypack]

WHERES THE REST. WHERES THE REST. I. THE REST.

Rejection Letter

Summary:   Even after fighting ghosts, it’s the human failures that hurt Danny the worst. Unfortunately for him, he’s not the only one who didn’t get accepted to college. Post D-Stabilized, ignores Phantom Planet.

Other notes:  In this AU each season took a separate year of high school, so D-Stabilized happened in junior year, and this takes place a little less than a year later.  

(Part 1 of 2)

(Read on AO3 | FFN)

Dear Daniel,

The admissions committee has reviewed your application for admission for the fall of 2008.  I regret to inform you that we are unable to offer you admission to Elmerton Community College and that we will not be holding reapplications this term.  Please be assured that we gave your application a very careful review before making this difficult decision.

I regret to inform you… We are unable to offer you admission…

We will not be holding reapplications…

A drop of water stained the already-crumpled rejection letter.  That didn’t stop him from crumpling it again, with all the force of his Phantom form.  He could have incinerated it with a weak ectoblast - or a strong one - but he shouldn’t draw attention to himself.  He wasn’t expecting any ghosts after catching Skulker in a thermos this afternoon, but there could always be some dumb humans out.  Stupid “paranormal investigators,” making stupid documentaries no one outside the city would even believe.  He didn’t want anyone like that finding his hiding place at the top of the park’s tallest aspen.  Especially now.

We are unable…

He grit his teeth and smeared the back of his gloved hand across his eyes.  What had he expected?  His grades hadn’t exactly been stellar all of high school.  And it wasn’t like he could include “classified as a spectral entity level seven,” “saved Amity Park from being sucked into another dimension,” or “can walk through walls, disappear, and fly” on his college application.  

His future had been shot from the moment he stepped out of that portal.  Why had he wasted four years pretending otherwise?

Keep reading

[celestialmystical]

Crystals, a Kalimba, & Lancome Perfume

This morning, September 9th, 2020, I woke up without my consent. It was one of those abrupt, rude awakenings you get quite frequently if you live at my parent's house.

My first thought when I woke up like this was, "Out of all the things I'm not going to miss about America, (which is a lot), having to hear my dog bark at the top of his lungs so early in the morning is at the tippity tip top of my list."

The last couple of days I haven't been able to sleep well because today, at midnight, or I guess tomorrow, I am going to go on a plane to South Korea, where I'll be living for a whole year--at the least.

I've been in a mixture of excitement and nervousness for the last couple of days which I just call antsy. When I'm antsy, even if I fall asleep, the slumber is restless and unsatisfying.

Even the day before I was feeling antsy and tired, but because I had an 'open house' where my friends could come in and chill with me while I packed, it cancelled out my tiredness completely.

It started off with hanging out with my friend, we'll call him Sad Boy, at my local Starbucks. We hadn't talked in a while, probably not since the start of quarantine, six months ago. We had a lot to catch up to each other, and because we both basically have the same astrological chart, we were able to really connect and be there for each other.

It made me think: Am I really ready to leave America and go to South Korea?

Later, we went back to my house and other people came over. We'll call them: Slow Walker, Hot Manga Chick, and Avatar.

We all mostly just sat in my room and talked and caught up with each other. I had one of my suitcases packed before I met up with Sad Boy and didn't really do anything productive while we were all together. But it was extremely fun and comforting to know how much my friends love and care about me.

They were the ones to convince me to write this blog.

Again I thought, Am I ready to go?

Anyway, before dinner time, which was like 6:30, they left.

Then, 10 minutes later, after a long day of work in a hospital and an hour drive, showed up my friend, Birthing Hips.

After I was done eating, we went up into my room, talked, caught up, and I thought she was going to leave, because I thought she was very tired from her long day of work. BUT she stayed. And I am so grateful and thankful that she did.

Without the amazing, practical Birthing Hips and another guest I will mention later, my packing would have been disastrous.

Going through my dresser was fine and easy. It was just delicates, pajamas, and shorts. Birthing Hips helped me slim down my pickings for those things.

Birthing Hips helped me roll my clothes and put them in these plastic bags that you squeeze the air out of so it compresses and makes less space. Birthing Hips used her magical birthing hip strength to squeeze the air out of the bags for me which was no easy feat let me tell you.

Once it came to my closet, that was a more difficult issue.

I told Birthing Hips, I'm just going to take everything that I want to bring off of my hangers and put them in pile.

She was like k.

So, I pulled one thing off. Then another. And another. And another. And another. And another.

Each article of clothing made Birthing Hips' eyes go wider and wider.

Once I was done with my closet, which only had five pieces of clothes left in it, I turned to Birthing Hips, who was starring at me like I was crazy, and said, "That's summer. Now onto winter."

Birthing Hips looked beyond stressed for me. I was oblivious.

I took everything out of the cabinet below my closet and plopped them all onto the same pile.

I said, "Done!"

The pile was higher than my fan, who wears the only bucket hat I own better than I do and is named Rebecca.

Birthing Hips looked at the pile and was like, "Yeah, you're going to have to cut that down."

But I'll be gone for a whole year! I need all of these! I thought then.

But I trusted Birthing Hips because she is so logical and practical, and I am very much whimsical and impulsive, which I know isn't a great thing to be when you're packing. Plus, she has been to South Korea before.

So I tried cutting it.

After a couple of minutes, Birthing Hips spoke again: "I feel like you're just putting the same pile to the other side of the room."

Which I was. But I honestly couldn't imagine myself not having all of those clothes. How am I supposed to know what I'll wanna wear there? I'm going to be there for a whole year, shouldn't I bring everything?

But no. I couldn't. I could only bring 2 suitcases, 1 carry-on, and the suitcases couldn't be anymore than fifty pounds. I wanted one suitcase for clothes and shoes, the other for everything else.

So I really had to think which outfits I had to have now versus what I could have later, when my parents could ship it to me.

Finally, I was able to cut the pile half it's size. And then I cut it again half it's size.

Birthing Hips approved and it was go time.

That's when the amazing Glitter Queen came over with McDonalds and box for me to put stuff that I want shipped to me later in. Yay. She also helped us roll and squeeze the bags of clothes. And helped me decide on only four pairs of shoes.

That was difficult for me. FOUR???

Anyway, after the clothing suitcase, Birthing Hips looked at my other packed suitcase and saw it was still kind of opened.

She was like, "I have a strong feeling we should look in there."

Glitter Queen agreed after hearing about the struggle of me packing my clothes.

They opened it and were immediately mortified.

All of my toiletries were haphazardly placed without protection in the top zipper bag of the suitcase and everything inside was a mess that looked like I was just trying to cram as much stuff in there are possible--which is exactly what I did.

Birthing Hips laughed and took out something, "A crystal? You're bringing a crystal?"

"I'm bringing three of them." I told her.

"This is going to break if we don't wrap it with something."

"Why are you bringing a Kalimba?" Glitter Queen inquired and took out the little instrument that I painted. "Do you even touch this thing?"

"I do!" I yelled.

I took the Kalimba from her and tried to play the Avatar theme song. I failed miserably but still said, "I love this thing. I have to bring it."

Then Glitter Queen took out my huge Lancome Perfume. "Girl, this is going to break and shatter everywhere."

It went on like this. Everything they took out, they had something to joke about how it would break. So we had to take some things out, like one of my crystals because it was an easily breakable one even if we did wrap it, and we had to take out a jewelry box made out of glass. We had to put a lot of things in little baggies to make sure if anything spilled it wouldn't go everywhere.

It made sense to me when they were explaining how each item could have lead to horrible damage and I wasnt angry at all but thankful. It was just so funny to me how I didn't think about any of that at all when I was packing and what might of happened if we never opened that suitcase.

I also took out the Kalimba but I would not compromise the Lancome Perfume.

Priorities, you know?

So we put that in one of my purses and put a towel over everything else.

As I was putting the Kalimba back on the shelf I said, "This is so cute though, even though I don't really use it. I wish I could bring it."

"So you finally admit you don't touch it?" Glitter Queen said.

We all laughed.

Again I thought, Am I ready to leave all of my friends who are so amazing and helpful in so many unique, beautiful ways?

Later we hung out outside with another one of my friends, we'll call him Pumpkin Ghost, which was fun because we spilled, sipped, drank, and choked from laughter on all the tea we had for each other.

I thought, I am so lucky to have such amazing friends. Even though I want to explore the world on my own, am I ready to leave everything and everyone I love and know, and instead, follow my heart and face the unknown?

The next day came, which is today. Nothing really special happened. I ran last minutes errands. Taped shampoo down and put it in a plastic baggie like Birthing Hips told me to do. My mom gave me a pedicure, which hasn't happened since I was a child, but we bickered and talked the same. My dad and I went to get food, we kind of talked and he mostly played on his phone, like usual.

Night time came, my parents drove me to LAX. We listened to my r&b playlist on the way there. I watched everything out of the car window with the mindset that this is the last time I'm going to see all of these things that I've seen several of hundreds of times since I was three years old.

Am I really ready for this?

I felt somber and forlorn and confused.

We parked in the parking lot at the airport. Already I was feeling what I've been craving, to be the minority in terms of race. It felt scary and uncomfortable, but also thrilling and exhilarating.

My parents walked me into the airport, helped me out with checking in my bags, and getting my ticket.

Then it was time for me to go through security. SO I had to say goodbye.

I hugged my mom and then I hugged my dad, and he held me so tight and for so long, tighter and longer than any other hug I've ever received from him. And he started crying. I cry now as I write this but then I was just so overwhelmed with everything and the line was moving.

Then I really thought, I could leave now. I could stop this now. Am I really ready? Do I really want to do this? This is a big step. A huge step. Moving across the world into a country that doesn't primarily speak English. What am I doing?

But my feet moved on their own. I got on the escalator, waved goodbye to my parents, and went through security.

As I waited in the airport and kept myself busy, I still kept asking myself, Am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready?

Then I got on the airplane. Got myself situated. Buckled my seatbelt. Waited more.

Am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready?

The airplane slowly started backing up and make it's way onto the ramp.

Am I ready? Am I ready? Am I ready?

It drove to the edge of drive way and started speeding against it.

I gripped onto the arms of my chair, watching out of the window was the background blurred by faster and faster.

The plane lifted, and my gut dropped, but my heart soared and lighted my entire being and came out of my throat:

"I'm ready."

[survivorbehemoth]

Episode 15: "congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!” - Jules

congrats daisy for winning season 7 of celestial: behemoth!

________________________________________________________________

JIOFEOJIFEWOJIWOJI THAT SOUNDS SO BITTER BUT DYLAN SIR U HANDED HER THE GAME! HANDED IT TO HER! GOD! and its what she deserves!

________________________________________________________________

anyways. let it be known this was NOT MY FAULT.

________________________________________________________________

let the record show, before last night's tribal, I SAID SOMETHING WAS NOT SITTING RIGHT WITH MY SPIRIT!!!!!!!!!! AND???? what happened. look what happened.

Vocaroo

Vocaroo 2

Video

Vocaroo

Vocaroo 2

Vocaroo 3

Video

________________________________________________________________

still practicing my slide puzzles WJIJIEFIJWJIFIFWJEJWIEEJWIF

OH MY GOD I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME I HATE THIS GAME!!!

this final 4 is absolutely amazing and i literally love all of them so much, but that just makes things 10x worse. i think that playing my idol on daisy was a huge risk and the fact that it is now a final 2 makes things a bit more interesting. my ideal plan was to have daisy in the final 4 with me so that i wouldnt be the next target, but now that she won immunity it just didnt work out how i intended at all!!

voting out jules and szymon is purely going to come down to which one of them will sway my way and it's going to hurt to send one of them to jury no matter what, but i just feel like i came all this way and not making top 3 would just suck so badly. so yeah, this sucks. i hate that no matter what i do im going to be upsetting people and hurting feelings but... i guess that's just the game! at this point im not even sure if i can win against daisy but it seems like she will take me, it just depends on whether or not i stay loyal to her if i win FIC or if i take whoever is with me in final 3.

much to think about, BUT I JUST CANT BELIEVE I MADE IT THIS FAR !!!!

Video

________________________________________________________________

Jules is voted out 3-1. She becomes the 8th member of our jury.

Watch the Cast Assessment take place below:

Video

Video

Vocaroo

Video

________________________________________________________________

Szymon is voted out by Daisy. He becomes the final member of our jury.

Video

idk thought this would be cute to include my voting log and stuff hehe <3 https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/1RiA0RUWX4TRpqBTgRzLJJ3fHu2jBqZ-bCJozFd3HcRs/edit?usp=sharing

Jules: https://youtu.be/6zKeJuOJKeY 

https://youtu.be/5dV_-X6Rv2U

https://youtu.be/N5tnq-4QAT8

someone (zach) asked me to rank the jurors from nicest to meanest...so here we go. ily all <3 <3

1. seamus (this will def come as a surprise, but seamus was the most levelheaded and nice one on the jury. he really never made a bitter comment even though he had every right to, especially at me/daisy/dylan and really anyone who was in after him except chips. like. he was the only person to reach out in pms after and it was immediate, he really comforted me and i really admire men who can have like good relationship w/ women that are platonic??? i know he's been like terrible in the past and i did call him on some stuff in hydravivor and ill be the FIRST to admit that i called him a crackhead on a daily basis but i think he's grown a lot!!!!!! idk. i think he's also the MOST self aware!!!! im a seamus stan, what about it?)

2. brandan (while brandan was kinda irrelevant game wise this season -- but not in our hearts -- he was very objective and a peacemaker. he had good reason to be MIA too so the fact that he got as far as he did means to me that he did form some strong social connections. and he did!!! with me, i think w/ conor, so idk, he had a role like i did in the game imo. i really liked him and he really brought a fresh perspective on things!!!)

3. szymon (he's only not ranked higher bc he's pissed off rob and he stands his ground a lot more outwardly than the first two, at least in the jury chat. also he's not had as much time as a juror. but even then, i think szymon is not a bad guy like some of the ppl make him out to be. like, idk, i think he made a mistake on a game level and he even admitted it and idk he's a legend. truly. im so glad to have met him and i think he was a really nice juror to have around while he was ACTUALLY around bc he stood up for me/daisy the way seamus did)

4. lovelis (lovelis makes some pointed comments but.....he's not dumb at all and so i don't think he's been bitter. also his pointed comments have been funny and mostly radiating the energy of the other Bitter Jurors so idk. i really like him on a personal level as well and have for a while so idk. i dont KNOW KNOW him but he's never been the type to make harsh comments without them having some merit to them. so i kinda trust his judgement even though he wasnt in the game long/an early merge boot. idk i think he's open minded enough and he's also someone who admits when he's done a Lil Too Much but he's really lovely. just competitive.)

5. chips (i dont think chips is MEAN per se, in fact, i dont think he has a mean bone in his body on a personal level. like WFIJFJIFWE I DONT KNOW HOW ELSE TO SAY IT HES SO FUCKING NICE!!!!!!! but thats why it's so funny to see him in games bc he's a lil lying, a lil backstabby and sometimes he's a lil passive aggressive. but its not undeserved. its also a pisces thing WEFJIEIEJWEFJIWEF i think what i saw in the jury house was sometimes chips going along w/ things, but i dont know, i really do not know much about chips game and ill probs ask him more afterwards?? but idk he was REALLY nice to me tho so FWIJFWEWFIFW i just dont trust him in games.......i dont know whats on his mind half of the time......)

I WANNA SAY FOR THE NEXT 3 MEN THEYRE HEAVILY INFLUENCED BY THEIR FIRE SIGN PLACEMENTS SO while i know some of them do hold resentment, its a lot easier to deal with and work with and with all 3 of them we've talked it out with/are going to talk it out. only #8 has been the MOST stubborn but idk imma let him do his thing & try not to pass too much judgement u know cause i dont need to waste my braincells on that

6. conor (knowing conor's astrological placements makes this make sense to me. but i wanna say that i think he's the type of leo to like be upfront, get it out, vent, and be fine? which is why i respect him a lot and i think we do have a mutual respect for each other. some of the comments he made were kinda rude tho and him fake liking astrology for social game was SO UGLY TO ME!!!! like i'll clown him for it for as long as i know him now cause....JOKE'S ON HIM!!!!!!! WJOEFWEOWEFO but that was kinda mean but def conor's come around and seen the light / has also reached out to me to talk. he's also admitted he left a mean speech in sbbb9 and regretted it so i think he might just shoot off at the mouth a bit. but BETTER THE DEVIL U KNOW THAN THE ONE U DONT and i appreciate the transparency NOW as opposed to the fakeness of him saying he liked astrology for social game. THIS IS A HILL I WILL DIE ON!!!!! im a fan of leos tho and he's a leo moon like me. so. i think we'll be fine. )

7. rob (i actually really REALLY like rob on a personal level but i really do not know if i could play another game with him, at least survivor, id be open to playing bb. i think ill say that the best thing about rob is that he's also apologized, was one of the first to when i confronted them all, me and him have a good personal relationship tbh!! but some of the game comments he made were p harsh and he's definitely a lil bitter but again, he's admitted it, i think while he's more up front -- i dont think i ever wanna be on his bad side in a game. EVER!!! cause we didnt even have any loyalty to each other in the game but he was SO harsh on my game like it was wild bc i dont think id ever be that harsh to ANY OF THEM ABOUT THEIR GAMES LIKE THAT???? anyways. its fine bc again he's apologized and he's owned it but PHEW he got a lil bit of a sharp tongue. really eloquent tho!!!!!!!!!!! love hearing him speak)

8. gage (last but least the southern belle himself................this man an aries and i dont know his other signs but him being an aries man is enough. they POP OFF!!!!!! a lot of times there's some truth to it, sure, but sometimes they just be popping off and FOR WHAT!!!!! i do understand gage's frustrations though but even he apologized for being too mean in HIS FUTURE FUCKING CONFESSIONALSSSSSSSS TO MEEEEEE so. idk. he's got an issue with letting things go in games and miss annajane calls him on a lot of BS and it does NOT seem to really knock him down but. gage is really wht u see is what u get, doesnt really own his faults but at least u kinda know where ur at w/ him. but he's still probs the meanest one in there but i do understand from a game level why he was so fucked up about it, especially after hearing FTC. its just that. i understand his position. BUT HE NEEDS TO TAKE A XANAX SOMETIMES I S2G GAGE I WILL GIVE YOU ONE!!! girl it is NOT that serious!!!!!!)

also forgot to mention that i admitted to gage that chris from s1 was NOT actually my brother and his jaw was on the floor <3 I GOT TO DO ONE TROLL THING RIGHT!!!!!! rip me/seamus' showmance serious!!!!!!)

okay just to add onto my last confessional -- the songs i think represent me best from this playlist game wise are: - perfect for you - punchin' bag - stayin' alive - flip - femme fatale/future nostalgia (for the girls alliance that never was....rip but also me/daisy at merge vibes) - X - the shortchange - TAKE ME AS I AM!!!!! THAT SONG IS THE ONE THATS BECOME MY SONG!!!! for this game especially!!!!! - over yet (the lyrics literally speak for themselves) - tough on myself (sorry for stealing ur song vincent) - seven devils - villains pt. 1 (i dont think i was a villain but i did stuff in this game that i usually dont and would consider villainous for myself FEWIWFEJIFEW i was in my feelings!) - passion & pain taste the same when i'm weak (me coming into the jury house and realizing they'd all snatched my wig w/ the edges and the glue.....i DID cry to this song for at least 2 hours! yes i did! WIFJWJIWEIJE) - tar ('under the stars -- pull yourself from the tar'. at the end of the day, this season was fucking stacked and there wasn't one person who was a bad player at all. at all.stars, if you will. i was under a lot of stars and from all the breakdowns in my game to me actually breaking down -- i GOTTA PULL MYSELF FROM THE TAR!!!! learn!! grow!! be better!!)

TOP 5 (not 'perfect for you'): - punchin' bag - take me as i am - over yet - tough on myself - tar

good for my whole journey imo!! the last 3!!! okay this is my ACTUAL last confessional okay thank u for everything!!! bye!!!

https://youtu.be/T5wRzWwlOp8

and here's my personal playlist for the org: https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2E8KGCo1SrBgoJIQ9DycfM?si=96PWq-6ERCyisacQr3zPww

it is literally an hour and a half until the winner reveal and i really just have no idea what's going to happen. like in the back of mind i just have a feeling that im losing bc, yeah you know self-deprecation woo! but yeah idk i think i really gave this game my all and while i dont think i played it flawlessly, i still think i played a strong game i can be proud of :,)

having it be a live final tribal for my first ever like, jury questioning was just--- ugh wild but i actually think it went really well. just based on what people were saying it definitely seemed as if some of the jurors didnt really want to see me and daisy at the end or like, really werent consider voting for me but i think i was definitely able to sway some people who were willing to listen and definitely gave some of the jurors something to think about. so whether or not i win i do think that i had a really great final tribal performance, maybe it was even enough to sway enough people into giving me their vote?? WHO'S TO SAY

anyways this has been such a wild experience and it's surreal to think that it's ending in like, a little over an hour but no matter what happens i can say confidently that i will be able to look back on this season fondly and will be leaving it with my head held high bc I REALLY DID THIS LIKE!!! I REALLY MADE IT TO THE END!! WOW I STILL CANT GET OVER IT HAHAHA!! but yeah bye forever <33

Rob’s Last Video:  https://youtu.be/X3krxxfJ3oo

________________________________________________________________

Daisy wins in a 7-2 vote!

[thoughtsofsilk]

gonna come on here to rant for a bit bc no one in real life can find me here and my astrologer told me I can connect to source through my writing so I guess i’ll give it a try

I’ve been separated from someone who I thought was my soul mate for a couple of months now. Its been extremely hard on some days, and some days are easier where I realize and try to find lessons in what we went through.

My heart is still healing.

If you had asked me in December how I was doing with the separation I would be in pieces. Now, approaching June… i feel better, not whole, but better. And that’s something to be proud of. When the universe removed him, i felt like i was taking so many steps back… financially I took a huge hit having to put all my belongings in storage because my parents, as much as i love them, couldnt possibly make the room for my belongings in their 5 bedroom house where its just the two of them living… i got so depressed that I didnt work or create art for months, i depended on my credit cards to pay my bills, i moved in with my bestfriend for 4 months before ultimately coming back to my parents, a place i tried so hard to leave prior to things falling apart… i’m coming up on 8 months since everything happened and i’m just now starting to get on my feet again, and im proud of myself…

If you happen to know me and find this, you will know I wear my heart on my sleeve. I love with everything i’ve got and I like to leave people, places and things better than I found them. I’ll be 25 in a little over a month and in this quarter of time I’ve experienced so much. So much love, so much loss, so much life in general. And every moment, whether sweet or sour has made me into the person I am today. With scars on my heart that show that I loved even when love wasnt being returned.

I’m happy with the person I am… i never let the hurt i’ve been through turn me cold. I’m going to try to hold onto that. Maybe i’ll write again in another 8 months completely healed.

I had been through heartbreak before but this one was different. Its hard to build a life and future with someone and find out in the end that it was a lie… and that’s not even me speculating, he made it loud and clear I was never what he wanted in the end… everything towards the end and after, i feel like how could I be so blind, to not see when someone I came home to every day wasn’t there anymore. The only thing I wish that happened differently, for any of my past lovers and especially my last… if you dont care about me let me go… you not only robbed me of something real but also yourself.. if you’re not happy, be honest, be caring, im a real person with real feelings and we both deserve to be happy. If we are not that for eachother, no hard feelings, life is short, go find your happiness. But dont sit there and keep me when you want something different. Dont keep me around because you’re afraid of hurting my feelings. Let me go

In the past couple of months i’ve had to experience so many things that were supposed to be joyful but instead left me with an ache in my chest… I said yes to a dress that i’ll never get to use, and matched it with a veil that i’ll never wear… ordered custom gifts for bridesmaids that ended up being just gifts for friends, spent time on invitations that never got sent. Changed my phone number because the connection was lost, stopped listening to songs that I used to love when they would come on. Attended my cousins wedding when I should’ve been at my own first, and I never expected how hard it would be to keep it together when my cousin said her vows. When they said “I Do”, when everyone cheered as they walked down the isle. At the reception, the speeches from loved ones, the dancing with our parents and seeing my grandma so happy to see another one of her grandkids get married… I never imagined how hard it would be to experience that when I was planning it all for myself. I tried to prepare myself from days before, telling myself not to cry and just be in the moment. I never knew how triggering a wedding would be for me. despite it hurting to be there im happy I went. Im happy that i overcame my own feelings and was there for my family. But that doesnt mean I want to attend anymore weddings any time soon.

My niece brought up my ex for the first time, he was the only person she ever knew me to be with… we were drawing in my room one night while she was in town and she asked me “are you still mad at him?” I asked “mad at who?” And she responded with what she used to call him and it stung… I told her “im not mad… just sad because he hurt my feelings..” i asked “do you miss him?” And she said “no, because he hurt your feelings.” My niece, who loved my previous partner, who i’ve also seen twice since everything happened, waited until it was just us two to ask me about him. Soon after our split in november, i was on a trip to california for this festival Dreamstate and stopped to visit my niece. I had just arrived and was drawing outside with my niece when my previous partner decided to send me a string of texts after I left him a note saying I hope he’s okay & i’m always there if he needed anything… he went on to tell me that he doesnt care about me and that he didnt care about what I was going through. I told him I wont stoop to his level and say things like that because thats not how i feel, i said I could die tomorrow and these would be the last things you ever told me. He said i always threaten taking my whole life but that wasnt what i meant at all. I remember the last part so clearly because I just told him thanks for reminding me you dont care about me and his response was “your welcome because I dont”. I was trying to not cry in front of my niece during this time because she didnt know.. but I couldnt hold it in… she drew a heart with a sad face on the concrete with some chalk and told me that was me…. This last interaction with her plus the first made me realize she’s known and recognized his absense, she waited until we were alone to ask me just incase i got upset. At my cousins wedding I held her up so she could see the wedding because she’s tiny lol, and when they started their vows and i started crying she wiped my tears. It was the most loving thing i’ve experienced recently. And it was from my 5 year old niece, she could see i was hurting. Im grateful that even with tears streaming down my face I shared that moment with her.

I think i will just have to keep going. I have no choice unless i choose to give up. I owe it to myself to heal and be happy. I know the universe sees my heart. Im trying. Im really trying. To anyone who has hurt me, i wish you happiness. To anyone who has been hurt by me, im sorry. I hope the next time i write this i’ll be in a better place again. If you know me and you find this… just know i wrote this from my heart. And to the person I thought was my person, what you did to me showed me so much. It made me realize you never really know someone or their intentions. You never really know a person even when you think you do. You can spend almost every day with someone for years and one day everything can change. I wish you the best, and I know deep down im waiting on an apology that may never come. But i cant wait. I have to move forward. So i have to forgive you, for myself, for my own healing. And one day when everything catches up to you I hope you can forgive yourself for hurting someone who trusted you with their heart in your hands.

[someplacein-between]

for the ask game--6, 7, 32, 36, 37, 38 (do all or a few, up to you!)

ahaha so i reblogged two ask games in a row, and i dont know which one to refer to, so im just gonna do both lol. get ready! also, thank you anon!!! 

6.1.  How do you look right now? 

hmmm i like to think i look kinda cute rn? im wearin a flannel with a cute graphic tee with cacti underneath, and my hair is up in a messy lil bun.

7.1. What exactly are you wearing right now?

ok from top 2 bottom i am wearing: hair clip, lotta earrings, blue and green flanel, yellow tee with cacti, jeans that are a lil too small, some stripey socks.

32.1. Do you like watching scary movies?

i like thrillers and horror and stuff! not a huge fan of jump scare type movies

36.1. Is there anyone you can tell EVERYTHING to?

yes it’s my own damn self lmfao gotta keep some secrets ya feel?

37.1. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

oh oof ouch the existential dread is kicking in

38.1. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

at least one person! perhaps more hmmmmm but i will never know

-----

6.2. Do you see yourself differently than other people describe you?

umm psh lets see.... i mean i dont think so. i obviously am able to give more details i guess. but yeah i think most people would describe me in the same ways id describe myself! 

7.2. What are you really, really good at?

hmm. i know this wasnt the question but im PRETTY good at cooking, also astrology lol. oh and skyrim? oh god i am useless

32.2. What’s the first thing you notice about someone?

their voice, their hands, their eyes

36.2. Ideal height?

like in terms of attractiveness? i like guys who are on the shorter side (5′6″-5′9″) and TALL GIRLS

37.2. Describe, personality-wise, what your ideal boy/girlfriend would be like?

himbos n bimbos pls

38.2. Describe, appearance-wise, what your ideal boy/girlfriend would be like?

himbo !!!!!! bimbo!!!!!!!!

[ifdragonscouldtalk]

in mesopotamia, they believed illnesses were caused by demons, ghosts, or gods

in greece, they believed illness was caused by miasma or a bad mix of humors (elements) in the body, or gods

in rome, they thought illness was caused by bad air, bad water, miasma, curses, or gods

sometimes in rome and greece they literally sent ill people to the countryside for fresh air so the miasma could clear from their system. it wasnt just the victorians yall

mesopotamians invented (parts of) the western zodiac using incredible astrological calculations. this is relevant because they then used the zodiac to predict and treat illness (and famine, disasters, wars, etc)

because of the breadth of texts available, we have evidence of seizures (the great illness) and things which resemble mood disorders in ancient mesopotamian texts

one of the ways to treat a headache in ancient mesopotamia was to smear some gate grease on that baby and wrap it with a bandage. idk what was in that gate grease but if its effective i want some

one of the primary difficulties in examining ancient medicine is we have no fucking clue what plants theyre talking about. just no goddamn idea. do they even exist anymore? honestly, some of them probably not

but the greeks and romans definitely used opiods

the ancients had SOME conception that something outside their bodies caused illness, as there are texts that note unmixed water (meaning, not mixed with some form of alcohol, which sterilized it) had a high risk of causing sickness in a person

on an unrelated note, texts in rome specifically describe those who wish to get drunk and party as drinking "un-mix'd wine" (meaning not mixed with water) which completely debunks the idea that these guys were drunk all the time. it was an incredibly small amount of alcohol that they consumed with their water, but enough that the water was safe of contaminants. they werent straight up doing shots all the time from the wine jug, no matter what bbc tells you

in ancient mesopotamia, the primary alcohol used for sterilization was beer actually

they knew about cancer guys. you see some dude dying and hes got a huge lump on his back you know whats causing it. they knew about cancer and had no clue what to do about it, because surgery was unthinkable for them

ALSO THEY DIDNT ONLY LIVE TILL TWENTY YEARS OLD FFS. life expectancy (even today) is a skewed statistic unless you factor out the infant mortality rate! if you lived past six years old in ancient times, there was a good chance you would live to sixty or seventy or even eighty just like now!!! they just had a lot of dead babies!

fun facts about ancient medicine because i can:

we know more about ancient mesopotamian medicine than practically any other aspect of their culture and medical assyriology is a field of study nearly completely independent from assyriology itself. we have a WEALTH of texts, REPEATING TEXTS that in detail describe their healing rituals, incantations, and prescriptions. we could perform one of their rituals ourselves if we wanted. we could diagnose an illness based on the symptoms using their texts if we wanted and give it a sumerian name.

also, while there was an incredible amount of shifting in mesopotamian religion (it was three CENTURIES of empires and culture, after all) there are more healing goddesses than any other god/goddess i've encountered in my studies and she is the patron god of huge swaths of land and many major cities. she was important yall

the longevity of healing rituals (five centuries, give or take, if we aren't including medieval medicine which had its own entirely separate rituals) now has modern scientific basis which is so cool because religion has been proven to activate the same mechanisms in the brain as the placebo affect. religious ritual and belief has the ability to substantially influence the body, particularly the immune system

ancient romans commonly performed cataract surgery. we know because we found the tools to perform cataract surgery a lot of times and we still performed cataract surgery like that with those tools for a loooong time. we have more physical evidence of cataract surgeons than practically every other medical practitioner, aside from gynecologists and templar healers

yeah, ancient greece and rome had gynecologists. they had whole TEXTS about gynecology too. they were sexist as fuck, but sooooo interesting

we have EIGHT BOOKS of medical encyclopedias written for the roman layperson so that the father head of the household (paterfamilias) could understand slightly how to heal his investments (children and slaves)

there is evidence of plastic surgery in rome. one of the emperors i think, i dont remember specifically but yeah they had that

we have great evidence of people making medicines (and poisons) through herbals!! not as weird as the medievals using mummies in medicine, but they did utilize shit (yes you read that right) and in rome human breast milk (the greeks thought that was Gross)

on that note, human breast milk is actually incredible for boosting the immune system and kicking out infection! it was often used for malnourishment (adults and children alike) and treating eye infections (which it is still effective for, but don't try it, please just get some penicillin)

honey is one of the most effective antibacterials we know of to this day, and also helps expedite the healing of wounds. it was first commonly used in ancient egypt. the only reason we don't use it regularly anymore is because of the myth of the scientific method. they are bringing honey back for burns because it is HANDS DOWN the most effective method of treating them. so next time you touch a hot stove, slather some honey on that bitch (after you verify it isnt second or third degree. please please go to the hospital if it is a severe or large burn, it is very dangerous)

because of celsus, we know that ancient humans did in fact treat broken bones through setting

ancient greeks knew that you needed to vary your diet and have proper exercise if you wanted to try and prevent serious illness

we have hollow needles like syringes found in ancient greece and rome. i dont know what they were used for

blood letting also originated in the ancient mediterranean, not medieval europe.

we have more anatomical and healing votives from ancient greece and rome than any other religious artefacts (we have literally THOUSANDS and are constantly uncovering more)

we also have a lot of healing votives from ancient mesopotamia, but they arent anatomical. theyre dogs uwu the healing goddess' patron animal is the dog

[hylian-crown]

About Me!

Hey all <3 since ive gained more follows and haven’t really “introduced” myself personally, i thought it’d be a great way to get to know each other! Im going to put everything below the cut though because it might be long!

if you want to know anything else just send me an ask and ill respond!

My name is Bryan, im 16 years old, i live in NY, and im an Aries in Sun! I work at a movie theater and have made amazing friends there

Im very into energy, crystals, warding, tarot/oracle cards, and i do fully believe in spirits and the worlds they reside in

I do classify myself as a Pagan, though im still undecided of what “branch” as to say.  I do believe in Aphrodite and Artemis, Victoria/Nike, and such, but i also believe other deities are out there!

I do believe in Pop culture paganism as well!

also super into astrology!

enough about my beliefs;

i luv zelda and ive always been more drawn to Princess Zelda! I also love Peach, Daisy, and Rosalina!

Im always hoping for the day where we get a zelda game where i can play as the princess fully! not just like in spirit tracks

i play league of legends with my friends! if you want to play we also have a discord! 

still waiting for a REAL luigis mansion part 2. i felt dark moon was a huge let down.  wasnt a console game, no portrait ghosts, weird mission type levels?? didnt have the same feel.

my goal is to be able to draw like my friend courtney so i can make zelda fan art

i want a birb. maybe a cockatiel or a budgie. birb

im a sarcastic bih so. I ALSO REBLOG MEMES BECAUSE I LOVE THEM

[fuckyeahexofics]

fic search #151

Please use the reply function to answer these. If you do use the ask box (and we prefer you don’t) please give link, # of fic search and # of item in the search. Thank you.

1. Running Up That Hill by adtoyks

Hi Admins! I'm looking for this story but I've forgotten who's the main ship T.T BUT the ending was A left Korea to be in Hong Kong where he works at a Korean restaurant coz a nice lady took him and his brother (I think its Suho) in & B didn't contact him until a few years later. They only met coz Luhan & Xiumin threw A a surprise & send A on a "delivery" job while the lady negotiated B. I'm so sorry I can't provide more details & strangely all I can remember is the ending! Thank you so much!

2. Shouldn't Fall in Love with You by kamjongin and mybabyjongin94

Hi, I really tried my best look on everywhere and typing in google keywords. it's SEKAI. sehun's the prince and kai's a warrior from the opposite kingdom. kai escorts sehun to meet his fiance but ends up getting kidnapped by sehun's friends. there's a mysterious island and sehun makes a wish and it ends up coming true. somehow they fall in love and sehun is pregnant. the child is called KAEL fungi something. it would be so awesome if you could find it for me <3

2b. I’m looking for a fic I forgot where I read it. But it’s a sekai fic. Sehun is a prince and Kai is a commander from another country. Their countries was in war. Sehun needed to marry Kai’s country princess or yadda yadda. Then sehun run away dragging Kai and his gangs a long. They went to an island making a wish. Luhan wish he was a girl. Chanyeol wish he was a dog. Sehun wish Kai was a prince and he would marry the person he hate the most..

3.

Hey:)So there was a 1-Chapter FF with the main pairing Krisyeol, but it also contained Taokrisyeol. It was on Live Journal. It started with Chanyeol telling something about his past life and how he got into that kind of school(?). And then he was spanked in front of the other students by Kris on a stage(?) and after that he was in Kris' room with him and Tao and they had a threesome, where Chanyeol was the submissive. Long story short: I need your help to find that story again<3Thanks in advance

4.

hi :) I'm looking for this SuLay fic where sulay met at a bar and had a one night stand. days after that suho started working as a teacher. lay pretended to be a music teacher. in the end it turns out that yixing is actually the school's headmaster. can you help to find this fic or something similar to this? thank you in advance :))

5. Wolves!AU by @incendir 

Hi! I'm lo king for a fic where xiumin is the head alpha. Every time he uses his alpha powers he's in pain but hides it from the rest of the pack. Everyone is a werewolf except jongdae. Junmyeom ends up dating jongdae but hides it from the rest of the pack.

6. Salvation of A Sinner by Machines

Hi! i need help with finding this sekai fic where jongin who used to be a mafia leader got kidnapped and tortured so he wants to have his revenge and so he made a deal with sehun who is a demon to help him. Hes supposed to die after the deal but sehun turned him into a demon in the end. I forgot the title and i cant find it anywhere again 😢 hope you could help thanks! 💛

7.

I was wondering if there was a fic of chanyeol with a girl but sorry i’m not sure if it was girl!baekhyun or just oc:/ anyway it had a huge age gap and quite a lot of smut and the girl was really innocent and chanyeol knew her older brother or something.... not very sure but please help if you know which one it is! and its chaptered/very long i think:/ thanks a million!!!

8. 

hello! there's this fic... i think the main character was baekhyun and he slept around a lot and when he was going steady/about to be serious about person A, a one night stand calls him up and tells him that he got her pregnant. the girl was a divorce lawyer, and he supported her but there wasnt any romantic attachment and he was the one to raise the kid with his boyfriend... i don't remember the pairing/title so i hope you could help. also the blog looks really amazing! love the gold!! <3

8b. hello mods! maybe my ask got eaten or something, but i was looking for this baekhyun fic where he slept around a lot before he met <exo member> who became his boyfriend but then he got a girl pregnant... i don't remember much else but the girl was a divorce lawyer and baekhyun and the exo member took care of the kid after it was born. hope you could help, and sorry if this got send in twice ;;; w ;;;

9.  

hi!! i rly need help finding a fic. there was this fic i read a while ago where chen and baek were best friends and i think it was kind of a soulmate au, where chen was baek's soulmate(but im p sure it was refered to as smth to do with astrology) & chanbaek were dating then got engaged and chen was their best man. the ending was really sad with chen pulling his hand down and it was wet because he was crying. im sorry if i wasn't specific enough i rly hope you can help me find it

10. need to be friends with the author to read this fic

Hi :) i would like to ask if you know a fanfic in which i believe luhan, baekhyun, tao and kyungsoo are brothers and they live in a poor town or smth like that and a doctor helps them because of their mom, but then sehun, kai, chanyeol and kris arrive and they are kind of like infuencial people and sehun sees luhan and they (sh, kai, cy and kris) take the others away, i think it was on aff or in lj I can't really remember and I've been looking everywhere but with no luck, help please!

thanks to CCLOVEEXO, PHOTOSYNTHESIS-IS UNNATURAL, YIXINGSOSWEET and the anons for your help!

[dinacharya]

Chapter 2. aka, Adele 25 therapy

what are tumblrs for if not for ridiculous oversharing and creeping into people’s lives you have no business being in, right? 

disclaimer: it’s a saturday night, 11:45pm to be exact, and i’m 4 hours deep into listening to Adele’s 25 album on repeat. i’ve also micro-dosed. or maybe regular dosed, depends who you ask. For all intents and purposes here, I’m calling it a micro because i very much have a grip even if my trusty wall tapestry is doing pretty things, and I had a very clear intention diving in. 

the tl;dr is that this 25-year old’s solo post-break up trip is a fucking cleanse and this is the vibe I’m fully on right now:

lol so, how did we get there: 

well waking up from last night’s binge smoking, gaming & sugar session (which was honestly much needed - shout out to the peeps who were there for that) didn’t feel the hottest, obviously. but crushed that shit with more sleep and getting back into jillian michaels* in my living room and eating a healthy lunch and whatnot. 

*side note: i’m sure she’s made millions already, but in this era with all the IG fitness models and influencers out there i still think jillian michaels is queen and underrated. 20 mins of jumping around and flailing weights, guided by her via TV is literally all i need to be like woh bitch i’m back. haha. 

now: you know how there are just those random people in your life that perhaps weren’t around all that long or maybe they had an impact on you that you only realized later? or maybe you just never shared with them how much they meant to you, because you didn’t even know. so there are a couple of those i’m going to bring up here (no names). 

starting with one - a friend from my NYC juice bar days, we spent many a wintery days and hours cooped up in that tiny shop kicking ass honestly with grade A difficult customers. she was one of my favorites to work with - so fun to laugh, with gossip with, just share a space with. i have so many fond memories of night shifts there, snow falling outside the windows. people coming in for smoothies at 10:45pm making us wonder what the fuck? 

she was stunning, tall, beautiful effortless skin and bone structure and all that, she just glowed. she was always lifting up other girls around her while shaming herself. i get it, that’s just what we do, that’s what I do. but fact is she was a straight 12/10 no question. anyways, we lost touch. we all know how that whole restaurant went down in sad flames with our owner locked up at rikers (if you don’t know of the psycho saga via vogue’s coverage, and want to hear a first-hand account, that’s for another day, it’s honestly a fun one to tell). so all the people in my life from the restaurant, who were what felt like home to me in NY, kind of faded out with time.

anyways, she’s one of those people for me that still pops into mind from time to time and i just wonder what she’s up to and miss her. so today in my idle morning of moping around, she popped into mind and a quick social media search led me to find her humble page and podcast she’s just recently started - and i ended up listening to a couple episodes because, lord knows i’m a podcast nerd. but i had a chance to hear her story and how much i didn’t know of her background when we were friends back then, and what a light she still was to those around her was pretty amazing.  she did say that her time in nyc was a bit of a blur that’s hard to remember because she was struggling at the time. it hurts my heart to know that, but at the same time i definitely can relate. generally i’d say living in nyc, as a student or not, can feel very isolating and while i have a lot of very vivid memories and recollections, a lot of that time is also a blur for me now the more distance i get from it. 

anyways, so kind of reflecting on all that this afternoon while mozy-ing around in bed was one part of today’s journey. one bit that was also huge was hearing her talk about her overeating/binge & restrictive eating disorder during that time, which is something i’ve tried to vocalize to my friends and family and even doctor but generally isn’t taken all that seriously. when in fact these habits i haven’t addressed are probably the most crucial detriment to my health. it turns out there’s such a thing as overeaters-anonymous. like AA but for people with compulsive eating problems. that’s 100% me, so this was a HUGE discovery today for me that something like this exists. i’m not going to say i’ll walk straight into a meeting this second, but i’m definitely interested. as carly whose lived with me for the last 3 years could easily tell you better than anyone else, i have a hell of a fucking problem and i don’t even know if i understand it fully myself.

part 2:

coincidentally, around mid day I happened to get a text from an old NY roommate, someone I hadn’t heard from in over a year probably, so it was pretty out of the blue. I always perceived her to be like an older sister figure, a funny lady from Malaysia with a heavy accent and a strong attitude, doing her best to fit into American culture, dating apps, heavy into the astrology shit, and all. Anyways, she hit me up because she was concerned she couldn’t find me on social media anymore (quickly resolved) and she mentioned that she enjoyed seeing my DIY stuff on IG stories and that it was serving as inspiration for some future business she’s been envisioning once she gets out of corporate life in Pittsburgh, PA. It was all endearing and sweet. i have heard from friends before that my IG could be turned into something more if i wanted to, but i’ve never had the heart to put more structure to things that just feel like natural parts of me that i want to remain free, if that makes sense. but it’s still nice to know that out there somewhere in pennsylvania the random things i do in my kitchen and share into the IG ether can serve as a little inspo for a roommate from 5 years ago. also it was just a nice reminder to self that in the same way i have these people i admire and root for and wonder about from a distance, maybe there’s room for me to be someone like that for somebody else i’ve crossed paths with. that makes me happy. 

So, part 3: hello, Adele.

i haven’t been shy about admitting the last couple months have been a struggle for me. basically since turning 25. even leading up to the big number, all year really i’d been kind of dreading what this age meant. it just feels like it’s gotta be messy whether i want it to be or not. considering every prior year has been a positive & fairly steady uphill climb, i figured at some point i’d have to pause/break/falter. don’t ask me why, age has always been something i’m glued to. (it’s funny because i don’t own a clock, the one watch i have is tucked into my wedding planner e-kit and only comes out on those days. given my job title and being a virgo and all, time has oddly never been a day to-day concern for me. (those who know me know i am never on time for anything, sorry) but i’ve always been hyper concerned about my age and the expectations (self imposed, inescapable) that come looming with it*. so birthday season usually is just a very introspective time every year where i evaluate where i’m at, the progress i’ve made, what’s holding me back, what i’m proud of, what i’m not proud of. 

*quick side story, the person i’ve dated all year always would say our age difference was nothing. but that statement always irked me because it’s far from the truth. every year 20, 21, 22, 23, 24 i’ve felt i’ve learned exponentially about myself and grown. so yeah, there’s a HUGE difference, emotionally/self-awareness, all that, between 22 and 25 if you ask me. like bless my early 20′s for being stoned fun & shit, but girl’s been putting in work too ya know?

anyways, back on track: come time for my birthday this year i didn’t really want to think too hard about it and just wanted to have fun, and i did! it was definitely one of the more fun/eventful birthdays i can recall. 

but now, 2 months post-birthday, fresh off of a break up, I’m beginning to see more clearly why I pushed all that usual introspective evaluation under the rug. essentially it’s what i’ve done all year, pretending 22 - 25 is nothing, and that all the work i’d done to get here was whatever. i’d taken steps back self-esteem wise, kind of let my work fall by the wayside just as something to do and not something i was excited about (which is more my norm), and i realize i wasnt being present in the right ways to friendships that mean the most to me. All in favor of some shiny beacon of excitement, being sucked into this vortex of conditional relationships*  and “fun” where i frankly just had no place being.

*linked there ^ is a stellar article, when you’re ready for it

THANK GOD FOR MY FRIENDS. seriously i don’t say this enough. I have been FREAKING BLESSED by the people who choose to be in my life. like fuck yo i know it’s FACT i have not been the most pleasant to be around or hear from this year but the true ones persisted and showed me love when I needed it most, were there for me constantly through all the thick of it and still are. like those calls every day just to chat about what the fuck ever, those random “i’m thinking of you’s” and “let’s hangs” mean so much to me in my isolated world of working from home and just being a general homebody type. let me just promise to all of you once i’m out of this present messiness, that I’ll be back on track. i’ve hated being that girl, i’ve heard myself, and i’ve hated it. so while I’ve been kind of MIA morphing into something i haven’t been proud of, thank you to every single friend who’s reminded me there was still something here worthy of your time and your energy and your attention.

*now, much less saving me, I get to start showing up for you guys better too. 

i’ve explained this to close friends before who have experienced it with me - psychedelics are one of my favorite ways to get a grip on my life. of course, i understand their role in fun experiences too, but i’ve always valued it first and foremost as a powerful mind-opening tool. (so naturally, i adore michael pollan’s latest book “how to change your mind”.) when i’m feeling overwhelmed or at a crossroads or muddled, i’ve found it to be the most affective way for me to tune into myself, see things with a fresh perspective, and commit to the choices i need to. 

so having been on a fucking ride with these breakup emotions, knee deep in self-pity, not knowing what to make of the past year, past month, past week, & where i’m at... i was like, 

why the fuck not?

just what i needed on a night to myself to give my soul a fucking cleanse. it’s a convenient weekend to have the house all to myself. read: a good place to be singing at the top of my lungs haha and doing whatever the fuck my single ass wishes all night. somehow along the way, i managed to cook up a pretty A+ tikka masala sauce and prepped a brussel sprouts salad for a dinner with friends tomorrow night, don’t ask me how. i’ve had a spiritual fucking connection to every single song on this Adele 25 album, obviously. idk why it hadn’t occurred to me until doing this that i’m now 25 listening to this album :) so all of this is to say:

Thank you, Adele.

for being a girl i can identify with who marks progress with age, unabashedly tunes into her emotions, and provides breakup comfort like no other. even though i refused to listen to this album until like a year ago

(also can we just take a moment to appreciate that Adele posted this on her own IG profile)

Thanks to those who aren’t necessarily at the frontlines of my life, but have a place in my heart, whether you know it or not, and bring forth some amazing shit or tune in at the right times.

Thank you, most sincerely, to each and every one of my friends that I won’t name here. 

Close and far, you’re the ones pulling me out of a drudge of a year where I lost myself and you’re reminding me what I love to do and who I am and it feels good to get a footing again. 

~ ciao, finally @ 1:43am.

p.s. below is THE picture of what i’ve been like for the last couple weeks ~ can always count on a new girl reference to have my back heheh

*we can also mark this as the night where i FINALLY get over my weird thing about not liking “Hello.” That shit’s a fucking masterpiece who was i to say anything otherwise hahaha