#but i was so deep in my self hatred and also stupid that i didnt think it was possible for them or anyone else to like me 😭

[theygender]

My gf and I have talked about hypothetically opening up our relationship at some point in the future which would make me very happy as a polyamorous person, but I just realized that if that actually happens and I have to go back out on the dating scene I'm gonna have some trouble bc now that I'm more outwardly butch people are gonna expect me to make the first move and I have never made a first move in my entire life

In all of my relationships but two the first move was made by the other person, and I wasn't even the person who made the first move in the other two. In the first one the girl chickened out on her plans to ask me out and then our mutual friend who didn't realize that that had happened outed her by asking me what I said afterwards, and in the second one me and the other person both went to the same friend on the same day to talk about our crushes on each other and then she made us talk about our feelings

I met my current girlfriend on a dating app, and the first time she tried to ask me on a date she wanted to take me to the theater so she asked me if I had seen the new beauty & the beast movie and then instead of realizing that she was asking me on a date I said that I'd already seen it and gave her a negative review of the movie. And then when she asked me on a date again a few weeks later I had to ask to make sure it was a date when I got there 😭

...And that reminds me of another event in high school where a girl I liked took me to the mall and we walked around holding hands the entire time and then afterwards I had to get one of our mutual friends to ask her if it was supposed to be a date bc I was too nervous and also stupid 😭 Another girl that year asked me to skip class with her and told me that if I flashed my pretty smile at the teacher I could probably get away with it and I had to show the text to my friend to ask if she was flirting. I'm gonna die out there on my own 😭

[yourlocalguardian]

Yknow I know lot of people think the young therians mainly on tiktok who make masks and do a lot of quadrobics and wear their gear in public are cringe but like. As a bit older kinnie I remember how strong my instincts were when I was that age, how often and how strongly I had mental shifts, and the mental torture I went through my whole young life before I found out that there were other people like me because I felt like I was some sort of freak and didnt understand why I couldn’t just stop feeling the ways I did

Even if you think it’s cringe I know if I had had that community and that ability to engage with my creature-self at that age I would have felt so much better in myself, I wouldn’t have had the deep set self hatred I did for many years, and I think that’s extremely important. It’s extremely important that we don’t let the young members of our community experience that same pain that I and I’m sure others like me have felt

Also friendly reminder too that cringe culture is fucking stupid, if you’re not hurting yourself or anyone else you shouldn’t be shunned for doing what makes you happy. And that means you, person reading this, shouldn’t be the one to make them feel like they should be ashamed. If you feel like it’s cringe keep that to yourself and maybe do some self reflection on why you would think people doing a harmless activity that makes them happy would somehow be wrong. Cringing is a reflex, but that doesn’t mean you have to act upon it.

Additionally if you’re one of those people that’s against them because “they’re making us look bad”/“people won’t take us seriously because of them”. If people won’t accept us in the full extent of who we are then they would never be accepting of us in the first place. Acception when only in a watered down form is not true acception at all. 

[lavaablast]

My headcanons pt1 (because i self project on everything)

(my opinion remember this is all silly fun) (also i change my mind contantly so expect me to edit this post constantly)

Kai Smith:

the band aid on his eyebrow is there because he has an eyebrow piercing, and he wants to protect it from getting ripped in battle (also doesnt want a scolding from Wu hehe)

self harms but instead of c///ing he burns because well, obvious reasons (less likely to be found out too)

orthorexic, is obsessed with being in peak physical form

hear me out on this one, i know he eats junkfood (so do orthorexics okay every 3d is diferent) anyway he never does it alone. he eats junkood only with other people, and he's always thinking he'll "make up for it" later. so yes he eats junkfood and yes he is orthorexic (felt like i had to defend my point there dsfsd)

body dysmorphia. knows he looks good but doesnt know what he looks like

"if i gave up on being pretty, i wouldn't know how to be alive" or wtv mitski said

has an extensive skincare routine but if anyone asks him he'll just say he "washes his face with cold water"

anger issues, but like he can explode on the ninja too and then he immediately regrets it but its too late which leaves him with... ->

guilt. ALL THE TIME. its in the back of his head wherever he goes

sun aries, moon sagittarius. i wont back down on this (im a sun aries and moon sag)

claims he "doesnt care" but actually cares so much it hurts (especially about Nya/Lloyd he'd do anything for them you hear me ANYTHING)

has strong morals and ideals but will give them up in a second when needed for survival of himself or the ninja (people often see this as a bad thing but he just wants everyone to live no matter the cost)

ironically, can't handle spicy food and is ALWAYS made fun of it by the others

is reckless and takes stupid risks because he does not care for his body whatsoever (the others think he doesnt know whats at stake, he does, but doesnt care when it's just his own saftey he's risking)

lowkey a perfectionist, but has a different idea of perfect than others so they wouldnt know (aka he needs things/himself/stuff he makes to be perfect, but not perfect objectively, perfect to what he thinks is right)

loves his parents because they tried their best, but still resents them. he hates that he does, but he does

cried all of his tears out ONCE after Nyas "death" and didnt cry at all after that, instead taking so much on his plate that he didnt get a single chance to think about it again (it'd be too painul, this was easier) which lead to....->

his grief being put on hold; and only when Nya already was back did it come out and he had no idea why he was feeling this way so he didnt tell anyone (what would he have said, im in agony for no reason at all?) and it was HELL to do it alone

tied to the above; he couldn't ask for help if his life depended on it (literally)

loves too hard

hates too hard

BPD coded (i dont wanna diagnose him but,,, im justsayinnn *whistles while walking away suspiciously*)

trust issues, but lowk all the ninja have them because like,,, just look at what they have to deal w bro

commitment issues because freedom is the most important thing in the world (after Nya/Lloyd) so settling down or commiting to one thing too long feels like threatining his freedom

actually smart (both emotinally and intelligently) but doesnt use his brains capabilities that much

great memory but also shit memory (remembers a whole row of numbers for no reason but forgets he has to pick up lloyd from the arcade..)

hot. thats all i rest my case

loves himself but hates himself

everything and nothing at the same time, everything about him contradicts himself, but also doesnt, but also does

hes a really simple person, really. but also the most complex one youll ever meet.

hates labels, especially being labeled by others (for the reasons above)

likes men but hates labels so,, no labels (not even the label "unlabeled")

infact he has a deep hatred for the label 'unlabeled' because if something is unlabeled, then why are you LABELING IT

red. everything is red redredred RED he loves red

has sibling bracelets with nya and lloyd (kai has green & dark blue, lloyd red & dark blue, nya red and green)

everything has to be red except the things that are black and orange. i rest my case once again

drinks just a bit too much for it to be considered concerning (started at 14)

will yell and scream at anyone who tries to help him (why do they think he needs help? why are they babying him? why cant the see he is capable?)

wouldnt let nya touch a bottle until she was 18 (be thankful nya its for the best)

paints his nails black or red.

has a strand of hair dyed red all the time

perfect teeth even tho he often forgets to brush them (how? fuck do i know)

would be a hyena i he was an animal

hates smartphones so he has a.. push-button phone?? whatever they're called. and he also only has the nokia brand. wont change it for a thing

"hates technology" but couldnt live without video games

loves to try new things but will have a breakdown if he HAS to try new things

stubborn asf, wont ever do anything he doesnt want to, which...->

makes people think he's selfish, but actually he's quite the opposite

selfless in an unconventional way, i'll make a drawing explaining it

please understand what i mean with that chart because it explains it so well in my brain

thats it for now cfdsfdr

[thechangeling]

Tell me a story

Ty doesn't believe in fate.

A shout out to @ilikebooks8 for convincing me to make a fanfic about autistic!Eleanor Blackthorn. Autism is genetic so it makes sense for Ty to have autistic ancestors. If you are autistic I guarentee you have someone in your family who is also autistic they just haven't been diagnosed yet. For me, I've got my dad.

Cw: mentions of ableism, abuse and the death of a minor character. Very anti Andrew Blackthorn.

"Tell me a story," Tiberius' asked, in that mature, matter- of-fact way he spoke. Ty was only eight but already he sounded like a boy twice his age in terms of his vocabulary and the way he spoke.

Although he still had the voice of a child which was rather amusing. Eleanor turned to face her son with a groan as she felt searing pain shoot through her bones. She had been laying down all day due to feeling extremely unwell. The noises and lights of the outside world were especially brutal, but she had gotten used to it overtime. She had learned to cope. To smile and nod and make eye contact. To control her movements and still her hands and laugh at their jokes.

Eleanor played the part of the proper shadowhunter and the dutiful wife, the attentive mother. It didn't matter that it had changed her. Had completely turned her into a different person, someone harsher and colder. Someone who was so quick to anger and venomous hatred.

Someone who only knew how to be in pain.

She always tried to not let that side of her show to her children. They didn't deserve it. But the past few weeks in particular had been brutal. Her body felt broken and it was becoming harder and harder to put up that facade.

She faced Ty with the best fake smile she could muster. "Which story would you like to hear?" He climbed up on the bed beside her and sat down in an odd twisted position where his legs were in a W position. He began tapping his hands on his knees as he appeared to contemplate his choices.

Eleanor could remember a time when she was younger when she used to do that. Before her parents had stopped her. She knew she should really tell Tiberius off to discourage him from doing these things in public. He was so blatent and open in a way that frightened and almost angered her. There was no telling what kind of reaction The Clave might have.

She didnt want him to end up with the dregs, or worse.

"I don't know," Ty said finally scrunching up his eyebrows. "I can't think of one right now. Could you make one up?" Eleanor smiled in spite of herself. She had always loved making up stories ever since she was a kid. She had always been a creative person, painting and drawing as often as she could. Shadowhunters didn't really appreciate a creative streak.

Eleanor nodded. "Ok sure, let's see." She took a breath, trying to ignore the agony spreading through her back and shoulders. "Once upon a time there was a prince who was trapped in a tower that was guarded by an evil ogar. The prince had been rumored to have special powers so he was forced by his parents to stay locked away in the tower forever to keep him safe. He wasnt allowed to make friends with any other children so he grew up alone. Teaching himself how to read and write and playing games to amuse himself."

Ty rolled his eyes. "Isn't that rather cliche? The whole prince trapped in a tower story? I've definitely heard that before."

Eleanor laughed. "Where did you hear the word cliche Tiberius?" Ty shrugged, not seeing the amusement in the situation.

"It was in a book. Can you keep going?" He whined impatiently. "I wanna hear the rest."

Eleanor sighed, shaking her head good naturedly. "Alright then. So the prince was trapped for a very long time. Then one day a mysterious adventurer came exploring nearby the tower."

"Can it be a detective?" Ty interrupted, bouncing up and down. He had been obsessed with Clue lately.

"Alright sure, it was a detective. He was searching the answers to a murder mystery. The murder of a young women."  Ty instantly looked interested. Perhaps murder was not the best subject for a story being told to an eight year old, but Ty was a shadowhunter. They were trained to deal with blood and death.

"His was searching for information and came across the tower," she continued. So he decided to investigate. He snuck passed the ogar and into the tower, where he was ambushed by the prince!"

Ty gasped excitedly, wriggling in place. "What happened next? Did they fight?"

Eleanor opened her mouth to continue, but then the bedroom door flew open, startling them both.

It was Andrew. Instantly Ty shrunk himself down, hunching his shoulders. Eleanor knew that Ty didn't always get along with his father but she knew Andrew still loved him deep down. He glared at them both.

"Ty your mother is meant to be resting," he said pointedly.

Eleanor shook her head. "Oh no it's alright. He wasn't bothering me." Andrew didn't seem to hear her.

"Tiberius let's go," he said harshly. Ty hesitated for a moment, looking up at her.

"But I wanna hear the rest of the story!" He protested. "I wanna know what happens to the prince!" Eleanor sighed solemnly. She didn't want to disappoint Ty, but she was feeling pretty worn out.

"Another time baby," she assured him. "I promise."

But unfortunately she never got the chance. She never got the chance because little did they know, Eleanor Blackthorn had cancer. Something that silent brothers couldn't cure. Something that shadowhunters were powerless against.

"What are you thinking about ?" Kit murmered from his spot curled up against Ty's chest. His breath tickled Ty's chin.

Ty paused, not quite sure how to answer. They were lying on the roof of the LA institute again. It was their special spot. Kit had suggested a night of star gazing for a date since the weather was nice.

Things has been a little weird between them lately. Kit had been pretending that everything was fine and he was unfazed, but Ty could tell that something was bothering him. And he had a feeling he knew what it was.

At Magnus and Alec's anniversary party, Jace made a joke about how Kit and Ty would probably be the next ones to get married and Ty immediately went into a blind panic. He completely froze up at the mention of marriage. At the mention of him getting married. His body instantly went into a complete overload almost as if he was on the verge of a meltdown.

He didn't take the time to think about any of it. He just snapped and yelled that he wasn't getting married. That he wasn't ever getting married. Ty wasnt even sure where it came from. Kit was pretending like it wasnt a big deal but Ty knew he was hurting. He could tell.

Ty traced a pattern across Kit's arm. "Honestly it was nothing," he assured him. "I just-." Ty stared at Kit, studying his face. The curve of his lips, the adorable blush of his cheeks and the tiny beauty mark under his eye that Ty loved to fixate on. Everything ached, but it was a good kind of ache.

Ty loved him.

"I just want to stay like this forever," he murmered. "Here with you, where I feel safe and warm. And loved." Ty nuzzled his nose against Kit's. "I want to be with you forever."

Kit smiled distantly before breaking into a slight frown. "Then why don't you wanna marry me?" He asked sadly. And Ty could instantly hear the old ghosts of self loathing and insecurity still haunting Kit's thoughts.

Ty sighed. "It has nothing to do with you I promise. I just really don't want to get married and I'm not even fully certain of why exactly."

Kit stroked his cheek slowly. "Is it the idea of a big wedding? Because we don't have to do that you know. We can totally just skip it," he said assuredly.

Ty shook his head. "That's part of it but it isn't the only reason." He paused to contemplate what exactly it was that was making him feel this way, feel so afraid.

Strangely enough, Ty kept coming back to his mother. His mother who was always a little peculiar in private. Who always seemed sad and exhausted even before the silent brothers diagnosed her. Who was constantly going along with whatever her husband wanted for whatever reason. Because she assumed he knew what he was doing? Because she didn't want to make waves in a society so rigid and obsessed with conformity?

Ty had been considering it more and more lately.

He sat up, displacing Kit from where he was resting. "I think my mother was like me," Ty admitted in a shakey voice. "I think she was autistic and that's why she ended up in the situations she did."

"Ok?" Kit looked confused. "But that still doesn't explain-."

Ty interrupted him. "She was trying so hard to fit in and do the right thing and she would just let him control her. She kept compromising for him because she thought that's what she was supposed to do and also because despite it all I think she really loved him! And it made her so stupid!" Ty shouted.

"I just don't want to become trapped like that," he confessed.

Kit was silent for a moment, just staring at him with a puzzled expression. "Ok, but Ty you realize that I'm not your dad right? Like I would never try and control you or make you into something you're not. I'm not trying to own you, I'm trying to love you!" He argued. "Ty, marriage isnt supposed to trap you. It's about making our relationship into an Offical legal thing that everyone's forced to acknowledge and accept."

Kit took Ty's hand in his. "It's about making each other family."

Ty looked away. He couldn't meet Kit's eyes when he was staring at him looking so hopeful and desperate. It did strange things to Ty's insides. He squeezed his eyes shut, scrunching up his face along with his fists for a moment before letting go.

"I just don't want to let someone have power over me in that way," he explained. Kit sighed, then smiled softly before leaning forward to rest his forehead against Ty's. Ty let out a little moan as he let the tension release from his body with a sigh. Kit placed his hand over Ty's heart.

"But don't you get it Ty?" He asked softly. "You already have, whether you meant to or not. I'm in your system sweetheart, in your blood just like you're in mine." Ty felt him smile. "Like we were made for each other. Like we've spent our entire lives waiting for each other."

Ty pulled away from him. "No I don't believe that," he stated firmly. "I don't believe in fate or destiny or soulmates. I think it's an overt  romanticization of life and the human condition which can have disastrous consequences. It leads people to believe that they are somehow incomplete without a romantic partner which is incredibly problematic." Ty realized he was probably going on a bit of a tangent as he was known to do. But he couldn't be bothered to care.

Kit pouted a little. "Yeah I get that. But I don't know. I like to romanticize things in life. After everything that I've been through, I guess it just makes things feel better you know?" Kit glanced at him hopefully."I don't care if you don't believe in any of those things. I do. And despite what you might believe, you aren't always right about everything," Kit said pointedly.

Ty scowled at him. Kit was undeterred. "And I get that you're coming at this from a scary trauma place. I understand that. I have those too. But you don't have to be afraid of me," he pleaded.

Ty couldn't resist reaching out and touching him, pushing a curly lock of hair behind his ear. "Can I maybe think about it?" Kit smiled and snuggled up against Ty's chest again. "Of course," he murmered. Ty leaned back and resumed his earlier position, staring up at the sky.

He nuzzled his face against Kit's hair. "I'm glad you're not mad at me anymore," said Ty.

Kit snorted, turning to face Ty. "I'm never mad at you love. It's pretty much impossible." Ty grinned and leaned forward to kiss him slowly, savoring the feeling of Kit's lips against his.

Kit broke off and kissed Ty's cheek, then his orbital bone. Ty giggled and closed his eyes which prompted Kit to place a kiss on each of his eyelids.

"I love every inch of you," Kit whispered. Ty couldn't speak. He was too overwhelmed. He just wrapped his arms around Kit even tighter and pressed a kiss to his forehead.

They lay in peaceful silence for several moments before Kit spoke.

"Tell me a story."

In case you missed it, the story Eleanor was telling Ty is the story of kitty in Lady Midnight basically. Also. Not me projecting my fear of marriage onto my comfort character! 😂

Tag list: (lmk if you wanna be added/removed) @playwithravenclaw @lavender-scented-rat @knifescythe @ti-bae-rius @dianasarrow @jazzkaurtheglorious @waterlillies @zfoxdraws @julieandthefandoms @older-brother-kit @ilikebooks8 @nott-the-best @stxr-thxif @magnus-the-fabulous-entp-bane @foxglove-airmid @littlx-songbxrd @heloisacosta23 @adoravel-fenomeno @eutonyinwhisper

[tylerwritez]

I was gonna post this to my main but decided against it

Disclaimer b4 I type out this post because I know yall are gonna freak out: I am NOT going to shoot up my school. I would never do that. I like my highschool. I have friends, I have a good life, I'm not getting bullied, and I dont even have a gun in the first place. I AM NEVER GOING TO KILL ANYONE!!!! there. Theres your disclaimer, now you can't be pissed off at me.... also tw gun violence tw school shootings, you get the idea. DO NOT KEEP READING IF YOURE GONNA TRY AND THROW ME UNDER THE BUS FOR THIS POST! (tumblr is like a diary to me sometimes)

Okay, now that we've gotten that over with, let's begin. School shootings. I've watched a few PSAs about it (they were both sorta lame and stupid tbh, but I'm not gonna go in depth in those departments), anwyays, I've watched a few school shooting PSAs and I gotta say, the way media frames these attacks is so... I dont know. Maybe I'm looking at it all twisted, but there is a certain fantasy constructed around school shooters that draws in kids who feel theyve been alienated, kids like I used to be in 7th grade. In every PSA, there's always a moment where the shooter reveals himself as your worst fucking nightmare, busts through the doors guns blazing, yelling at everyone "LOOK AT ME!"... there is a power in that moment that I find so captivating. Obviously, I'm not delusional. I'm not a psychopath. I know that in real life, shooting attacks are horrific things. People die. I know this. But oh my god. Those PSAs have really cut me deep, down to some bone whose existence I wish I could ignore. The bone, sawed in half, is crying out to me now. "LOOK AT ME!" it screams. "I AM A PART OF YOU!" and you realize that you have got more in common with that dude on screen than you think. You realize that actually, you and him are kinda the same in this sick twisted way. And in this sick twisted way you wish you woulda done it. You look back to your old junior high and imagine busting through the doors with a gun. You fantasize about the fear in everyones eyes, in their faces, they scream and beg and you finish them off without mercy. The blood, the brains, the horror, and the bodies are there for the taking. You see in your mind such a clear picture.... like in the PSAs. Where instead of the placeholder white teenage boy its YOU, you're the white teenage boy and everyone who ever looked down on you is gonna feel your wrath. It's such a euphoric fantasy. I cant even begin to describe the power!!! In that one moment. The reveal. Everyone is shocked. Everyone is horrified. Everyone runs, afraid of you. Like you become a god, or at least, a predator animal. Then at the end, you save yourself a bullet. Look over the dead bodies,,, your dead bodies,, and then join them. Peaceful exit. Energy spent. Sing a few verses of a song, and then finish the job.

But in the end, that's all it is.

A fantasy. A fantasy from my junior high years that I have trouble releasing. I KNOW that I wouldn't ever do that today. I know that I wouldn't want to do that at my highschool. In the end, I would NEVER do that. But still the dirty thought of it lingers. Every time I see one of these GODDAMN FUCKING PSAs where you have the shooter busting in like that I'm basically triggered into this fantasy. This fantasy I built in secret... this fantasy I must dismantle.

I want to let go of the hate in my heart. Listen, hear me out. I have never in my life had a healthy way of coping with anything. I didn't get help from anyone, so of course I didnt have healthy coping mechanisms, I was a mentally ill child with nobody. It was... not a surprise.

I think that, on a path towards healing, you need to learn to drop your unhealthy coping mechanisms and get healthier ones. You need to drop the god fantasy, you need to drop the self harm, you need to drop the child with healthy parent-child relationship fantasy... you need to drop everything that's downright degenerate about you. For me I think those are the main three. The way they contrast each other is jarring.

Look, I KNOW this sounds borderline psychopathic. But I swear I'm a... okay, maybe not normal... I'm a decent person. I try to be. I try to be kind to everyone yknow? I'm not... I'm not so full of hatred anymore. It's just that sometimes I see somehting like that PSA and the anger resurfaces and I remember and I can feel my past self...

Not even just shooting stuff... that's a relatively minor part of the big picture. In the big picture, it's always things like happy children with their wholesome parents. That takes me back and I can again feel my past self,, even my present self mourns the loss of this. And i am so... angry. Jealous. Sad. And well, I'm at a loss for how I should feel. I always think "why? Why them? Why does that kid get a happy childhood? Why not me? I was the same as that kid is right now. The exact same. And you're giving HIM this experience... this HAPPY, NORMAL, HEALTHY experience... and you give me this clusterfuck of confusion. Okay.

.... who is "you"???? I notice I talk in second person a lot but I don't know who I'm addressing it to.

I used to have a habit of talking to god so maybe it's just that carrying over..

I used to beg god when I was a child. To let me be happy. To let me be normal.

.... I wish things could be different.

[mikkock]

Hey hi your murder mystery art is super totally cool and amazing and I'd like to Extra! Extra! hear all about it *rattles bells*

haha wow i cant believe ud ask me THIS! unbelievable! now im gonna have to make a long post!

all info under the cut cause im kind like that ♥

For reasons I felt like making a Fancy Ass murder mystery story, with you know, hella complex secret storylines and everyone having drama and shit, and one person died but the more the story goes the less people care about who did the murder and the more they want tHE JUICY DETAILs. X and Y had an afFAIR you say!!! well that’s thousands time more interesting than that murder that happened, who cares about the culprit its not like any of us are going anywhere anyway! tell me more about the marital issues!

The ultimate Vibes are Clue (the game, ya kno, it had a movie too, and that movie was shot with three different endings -fun fact- so that movie theatres could play one alternatively that way people wouldnt get spoiled or even if they did they would not get the ending they were spoiled or even if all three were spoiled you couldnt know which ending you were getting anyway, big dick move, cause its an old movie and film is expensive, also that movie stupid and campy, ALSO I ONLY LEARNED MAKING THIS AU THAT IN ENGLISH THE GAME’S CALLED “CLUE” wE CALL IT CLUEDO therefore my wip playlist is called cluedo. because. fuck it.)(i just have an emotional attachment to that game i even had a cd rom video game version and it was the spookiest shit for a 6 years old, trust me, i played it so much tho i didnt even understand the rULES i was just making scenarios like gathering the characters in rooms n making conversations outloud cause honestly the banter is the best part of a murder mystery) ANYWAY that sure is a whole paragraph of tangent. 

BUT YE the inspo from the Clue game. you can tell it from the Colours obviously, everyone’s colour codded.(even everyone’s name is colours as well you’ll see it’s real dang fancy! im just remaking that game but with 2932020 characters and more behind the scenes drama and also for gay people.)

So BASIC PLOT!

Sir Belyy, the dude in white, is The Rich Powerful Respected Fancy Boss, and he throws a Fancy Reception Party with his closest friends and associates to celebrate the opening of a new branch of his business. All the lads gather in his wonderful little very isolated mansion in the middle of nowhere, like ok he got a death wish or something or he’s very trusting of his business partners, but not a good move, cause in the middle of the reception, as A Phat Storm Starts (for plot convenience, we going with a campy vibe if you couldnt tell), his body is found, it’s awful, there’s a killer on the loose! All the guests gather, and attempt to maybe contact the authorities, to not avail, since The Storm ya know, phone lines are Broken my dude. Its clear that the culprit is among them, since no one could have entered the house, or left it (cuz once again, ThE sTORm). And then it’s all about interrogating each other, distrust, alliances and betrayal, revealing one’s deepest secrets when they form an alibi and revealing someone else’s deepest secret for they could be a motive! Meanwhile there’s a dead body in the mansion just chillin there. 

.

So as I mentioned, I changed everyone’s name to be colour related (or ya know, food or flowers of that colour cause sometimes a colour in a language would not work as a name given the way names work in that culture all that jazz) which is the trippiest thing cause tHATS NOT YALLS USUAL NAMES but its fun (also changed so many ages hgfhs it was a trip)(still no one’s really old i guess i got boomerphobia). The “Cast” is clearly the most important part, and if ur a True “My OCs” Connaisseur (hdfghd the most useful skill to have, knowing *MY* Charactersdshgd) you may have recognised some faces and can already read some vibes and predict who will be progressing the plot and who will be yelling at people throwing accusations ghdfgd.

(god i wish i hadnt slacked off making the portraits of everyone in that AU i only have 3 tho that’s so sad so ill just make little sketches just cause <3 only text??? i got too many hoes with no attention span for that)

.

Sir BELYY (the one who dIEs lmao)

(bust shot missing the fact that this man is the tallest beefiest lad around)

Intimidating, powerful, composed, wealthy, carries the name of a family who has generations of control to it’s reputation, he’s The Man that hoes who believe in the economy wishes they were. As in, the “self made” man who only just happened to benefit from having a wealthy background to uplift his plans. In his youth, he wanted to prove his worth, seperated himself from his father, started a business, that business became big, then got attached to the family’s business, bam back to square one but with Reputation now. There seemed to be VERY big tension between him and The Father, some speculate it had to do with his unknown mother, and some family drama there, and it never got resolved as old man Belyy died quite young (the jUICY speculations are that current sir Belyy mURDEREd old man sir Belyy, fucked up if true!). People love him though in general, as he has that reputation of “Cold Lad With a Gold Heart” aka he takes people under his wings, donates, doesnt treat his employees like the absolute worst garbage etc... you know, he’s rich and a half decent person, so obviously he’s an angel on earth. But does it matter though, he’s dead! that’s the concept of the story!  

Mr.GRAY (the grey guest)(who could have guessed from the name)

He’s one of Sir Belyy’s oldest employees, and benefits from a high rank in the company. But, sadly for him, he’s been stagnating lately, as newer, youngest employees seem to have Belyy’s favours, and are his prefered associates for important tasks and positions. Therefore he has Some Bitterness, Some Salt, Some Distaste, some unbriddled but professionally muted hatred for Specific people in the company. He can be an antagonistic figure, but the amount of time he spent in Belyy’s circle grants him an immense quantity of information about the man, but mostly, about his business. Anything about the company’s history, dealings, operations, he’s aware of, either having been told of them, or having snooped around to obtain, immune to being questioned due to his legitimacy in the company.

Mr.LIM (the green guest)

Remember when it was said that Gray had beef with some employees cause they were younger and rose to high ranks faster than him and became Belyy’s favourite over him? Yeah well here comes the one he hates the most for that (ofc he’s belyys fave cuz he’s Mine <3) Our lad caught Belyy’s attention for his Exploits in like, em fancy high school tournaments of smart people, it’s a thing its ridiculous, making kids compete on Smart stuff for the pride of their schools n shit, well homie Lim got clout when doing that, and Belyy was extremely interested cause that kid’s main thing was how “this young lad got mad strategic skills tf are u a war general or smth how fancy”, and that’s a coveted skill for ruthless business. So as soon as the kid is an adult, bam, join the company my dude. And because he’s just that Cool n Sexy ofc he met the expectations Belyy had, and old man Belyy got attached cuz it do be such a young lad, a kid, mentally i am adopting. That’s how you get a youngas employee becoming the right hand man of one the phatest CEO in a few years, and even make your way into being a Good Lad on top of a business partner. And that’s how you get Gray to hate your ass too. Now though, fine lad with mad strategic skills, rising to power that fast, and even infiltrating Belyy’s private life? If I were Gray I’d call suspicion there’s surely some shady stuff going no way we’re just dealing with a nice fella who just happens to work good and be friendly to the boss right?

Herra MUSTA (the black “guest”)

Belyy’s newest butler, assistant, house keeper, he multitasks. His family has been tied to Belyy’s for generations, fullfilling roles of help, but also of confidents. He’s been the head butler since only a short time, after his mother passed, and as such is still “in training” you could say, despite having served the family his whole life. There are rumours going around that the contract tying his family to the Belyys may end on his generation and need to be resigned. He known the manor by heart, and carries all keys to any locked room (and mostly, The Master Key, cause in an old house, some doors may be locked beyond all still existing keys). He also knows secrets of the family that no one else knows, but good luck getting em out of him, he’s under contract not to divulge em bro.

Mr. HASSEL (the brown guest)

Belyy’s childhood friend. They grew up together, pictured their dreams together, sworn to flourish together, worked together when starting the company, and then Hassel felt he should create his own thing instead of depending on his friend’s existing wealth, and while Belyy’s business went wild, his never took off. They still stayed very close, despite the massive difference in wealth. Belyy considers him his closest friend, the one person he can trust (fucked if hassel did the murder lemme tell u). So of course, he’s still always invited to the Prestigious meet ups where’s he’s free to feel uncomfortably out of place amongst all the rich and powerful people that he could have been a part of had he had a tiny bit of luck and a small loan from a wealthy relative...People LOVE saying he’s still hanging out with Belyy so much to leech off his wealth, cause of course they do! His bestie status means he has a whole different brand of information of Belyy than his butler does, the Most Intimate Stuff, the Childhood Stuff. The Juicy stuff ya kno...But Bro Code, its all secrets...

Sir RUZH (the red “guest”)

Deep dive into Belyy’s personnal history, the man has many employees working at his house keeping it working, clean, ya know the vibe. They live on the premice, one has a kid who’s just a Joy to be around, all the employees just vibe with that lad, he’s just a born socialite you know? Belyy gets to meet the kid, and also hella vibes with him. And because human are influenced by their feelings, he gives the kid’s mum a bit of a preferencial treatment, in the tasks she fullfils and all, til he gives her an important-as mission, and then there’s an accident n mama dies, and now Belyy got guilt and there’s this kid who just Vibes. So naturally the move is to take the kid in, and play on how his vibes are just so clean, and raise him to be the Perfect Entertainer for guests, bam, its soft power propaganda, if everyone loves your now son’s vibes, they associate them with you too. And also that’s kind of a clean rep, the selfless man who adopted his employee’s son to not have him fall to the streets, how heartwarming. Not at all traumatising for the kid too I bet! But anyway now the lad is just the most charming young adult, mission accomplished. He’s always present at any reception, ready to work his people-pleasing magic, and then going back to a gigantic empty manor to wait for the next and curate the perfect vibes to meet the expectations of dad. On the plus side, he knows everyone, and those who don’t know him cannot wAIT to, he’s just got that aura ya know. People skills for miles, and the insider knowledge that comes with being the son of the CEO, all this hidden behind the personna of the fresh innocent bashful party lad. 

Dr.FEN (the pink guest)

Do not get mistaken by the title, he’s no doc, he will not diagnose you with anything, he just studied long enough to get the sexy title. Study in what? Haha. Nothing shady. Just toxicology. He’s a world reknown poison expert basically, that’s his main thing. Oh but don’t worry, of course studying substances that may kill people is only for finding out how to cure them from it of course. What brings him in this circle? Simple, Belyy may or may not have started to suffer some weird illness that no doctor has been able to find the source, let alone cure, of. Him and Dr.Fen had met previously on some event, cause some rich man also love flexing how smart they are and attending sciencey shit, and he was contacted as sort of a shot in the dark. The lad does know how to treat some things, maybe he can treat The Mysterious Unwellness, since no traditional doctor was able to. He knows science, he’s trustworthy, bam, you’re hired to work on My Case Exclusively. Thanks to this, Dr.Fen has access to the whole health history of Belyy and his family, to many mANY dangerous substances, and also has The Respect of the hoes at the party. He HAS a doctorate after all. Epitome of knowledge. And he’s a kind to people and he wears pink like dang how can you nOT pour your wHOLE trust in him. 

Sir MOREVITCH (the blue guest)

Youngest son of an affluent family, who used to be close the the Belyys. The two families fell slightly appart after the death of the previous head of the family on the Belyy side, as they do nOT vibe with the current one (well current, til the first night of the story ig). But, unbeknownst to all, one strong link had been kept, between the youngest of the Morevitch, who dislikes his family and wishes to emancipate himself from them while also assuring his depart will not throw him basically in the streets, and our beloved Sir Belyy, who also dislikes the Morevitches but loves to see the rebellious energy of the young one (and ya know, my enemy’s enemy’s my friend or however you say that). So Belyy’s basically offering tips and helping Morevitch plant himself safely out of his family’s grasp, but it’s all taking quite some time isn’t it, slow and steady is fine until your parents try to arrange a wedding to secure more political power, and suddenly it is all quite urgent that you escape that situation because No Thank You Parents I Do Not Want A Wife I’m Too Young And Also Huh <3 Stuff You Won’t Like Hearing For Sure <3. The people who know they’re working together also know that it’s a big point of argument between them, the difference in vision between “you have to go slow and steady to be safe” and “I have very limited time to get to that safety anyway so I gotta risk it” “hell no you cant i can’t follow through if we’re going that quick that’ll put me at risk and you’re family’s gonna send gunmen to take me down”. A mess, it’d be much quicker to just obtain a few million bucks out of nowhere and bolt for sure...

Mr.GANG (the orange guest)

Morevitch’s trusted assistant. He hears the concerns, he helps the secret businesses, he lies to the parents about the whereabouts, and mostly, he’s basically a budget spy. The lad got that talent where people just don’t notice him popping behind them and catching all their dirty laundry as they confess it to someone they trust, and he always manages to break into places, get the intel he was looking for, and escape, putting everything back into place as if no one was ever there (wonder where he got all those skills from damn!). But what he’s even better at is being sneaky not only to benefit his boss, but himself as well <3. If he can catch all the info in the world, go any places, nothing’s stopping him from playing double agent and also going behind Morevitch’s back. After all the assistant life isn’t the most glamourous and rewarding, who can blame him from going and using his talents to build his own little exit route, right? Everybody sort of knows he cannot be trusted, but also no one managed to really incriminate or stop him, and as much as he has tea on many people, no has it on him, but bet once found that would be heeeella juicy.

M.MOUTARDE (the yellow guest)(this one is straight up the name of the yellow player in the french edition of clue too when i say its my main vibe)

Moutarde was an influential celebrity. He had a big break acting in a movie that the whole country stanned so hard they basically turned the script into their national anthem (they would have if it was a true democracy where the people really decide), he was so handsome and elegant, everyone’s dream husband. And then the fame fiddled out because it’s how fame is, one moment you’re the sexiest dish on the table and the next someone brings in dessert and baam, its all about that fresh cake, and no one pays any mind to your delightful aroma anymore, you’ve gone cold, they had a bite, their interest is somewhere else. Belyy really admires his work though, and mostly finds his image fits with the brand of his company, therefore the two are working on a collaboration to make Moutarde a representative. This WOULD boost Moutarde’s reputation, for his ads would be displayed on every imaginable surface of the country, and it would also benefit the company cause being represented by thAT sexy motherfucker? clearly that’s a deal. The freshness of the partnership means Moutarde is a newcomer in the guests, a fresh face, with no reputation, no relationships, no unfair biases against him. He’s just the new handsome charismatic lad with a squeaky clean image. Emphasis on “image”. After all, no one really knows anything of his background, right?

Kun.LAWENDER (the purple guest)

Private investigator, very useful to be around at a party it’s almost like it was expected there’d be a body to investigate, he’s a very close associate of Belyy, as there’s nothing more important to business than investigating the rivals and finding dirt on them to make them fall through infamy. He’s not exactly the PI who goes look for justice to be served, he’s just here for cash bro. He’s got intel on everyone, and will only let it out if offered the right thing in return (money, or sometimes other pieces of very secret intel, trade is good). Wouldn’t advise letting him and Gang team up tbh but they probably wouldnt, as Lawender is really more of a lone wolf player, going on his own for himself. The one thing that negates his usefulness as a PI on an accidental crime of scene is that even if he knew the whole truth of the event he would not spit it out unless he benefitted from saying it. He sure is a polarising lad, but at the same time, an untouchable one, he’s too knowledgeable to be taken down. Rather than sneaky, he’s extremely observant, noticing the tiniest details and engraving them in his memory, ready to be linked up to other details to deduct the big picture. He’s the upfront tea gathered basically (as opposed to Gang’s shadow tea gathering if you will, they are similar forces but using opposite methods)(also one of em got a licence n the other does not hAH).

~~~~

Now the secrets, all of em have them. One of em at least got the secret of having KILLED Belyy that’s that. But that’s to be kept for later (for if i ever use this story for more than daydream material gfhjgh) bet you can imagine what some of em may be just out of Knowing what i do, from having seen the characters in other contexts, or just because you’re a genius and reading the character profiles immediatly lit up the bulbs in your head forming the perfect theory, props to you, mad genius.

Honestly my thoughts are just how lit of a game that would be, you get to pick one hoe (maybe sum are locked til u find their secrets for juicy purposes) and you do your invetigation using your character’s perks and disadvantages, and maybe there could even be Multiple scenarios and outcomes, to spice it up, give replay value, i just think it’d be a game id spend hours on. tryin to get the spicy details of everyone’s life. walking around n digging through a rich man’s stuff, witnessing the drAMA of people fighting cause they’re locked in with a murderer and that’s stressful ngl. That or a long ass show @ netflix wanna give me a show maybe? give me hella budget we’re making it animated cause im too cultured for live action. 

whatever i make of it though, i hope i can make this story Flourish, just so that i can lay down all those secret backstories i’ve written. i want the satisfaction of throwing out the craziest secret drama between character n seeing peeps loose their minds, it just is a tasty experience.

also i gotta say, i plug the hell out of Clue for an inspo but when i was building the basics of the story my mind immediatly went “oH MY GOD THE VIBES,, THE BACKSTABBING AND tEAMING UP and all,,, its The Genius, that one tv show where peeps have to do the wildest games that require strategy n they’re in that fancy set that looks like a rich ppl mansion oh god the vibes” so yeah, i rewatched the whole first two seasons cause they’re my faves and that had an impact if only minimal in the aesthetic.

Anyway hope that quick presentation gave you a lil taste of the story, and maybe,,,, got you curious,,, craving to learn more like you never did before (im exaggerating the only real question we all got is just “so who’s fuckin with whom then how many of yall secretly dating” this the real deal)

[estevand]

This is the woman Ive loved for 5 years. this was only 2 years into our relationship. I have had a rough life. Most of us all have. I lost my sister at 8 years old. I had to go through being judged for being a dark skinned kid with a white mother. The amount of times my family and I will be out somewhere and someone says to my mother “ Oh its so wonderful that you adopted all these kids” all because my one sister is full white and me and my other siblings arent Is fucking appalling. I was forced to drop out of highschool at 17. I’ve never had a father figure. After my sister died he tried to come back. and after my sister died my mom just emotionally and mentally gave up. my stepdad was an abusive alcoholic. and my mother has been a very non faithful woman to every man she dated after my step dad. Theres honestly so much more to talk about but theres no point. Id be writing a fucking bible if i were. But this woman. This beautiful, crazy, caring, selfless, goofy monument of a woman. She is the reason I have kept myself out of trouble. I was not in a good place when we met. I was hanging out with the wrong people. I was doing xanax everyday. multiple bars a day sometimes. I was such a lost soul just searching for a purpose. I had absolutely no idea what I was supposed to do with my life. I felt worthless. I had a job but that didnt mean anything to me. Ive always been the outcast. Ive always kept to myself and been a very shy person. But when I met her, The feeling of worthlessness was gone. We met at cheerleading. We both did competitive cheerleading at the same gym. When I first saw her walk in the gym I remember I looked to my friend Jared. I looked at him and said “ who the hell is that” and he looked at me and just laughed. We both knew she was out of my league, and there was no way that she would even give me the time of day. She walked with this aura. By aura I mean she had an atmosphere to her. When she would walk past me I would just have this gut feeling. I knew she was everything I ever wanted in a woman. She was stunning. Just the way she walked around the gym. It was almost like she knew that my eyes were constantly on her. I was just struck by this sense of “You NEED to be MINE”. I still remember the first time we kissed. We weren’t dating. We were at a competition in D.C. we were in the bleachers watching other teams perform. The smell of Aquanet, and cheap shitty convention center food in the air. Me and her friend who was also on our team. I remember the lights from the stage shining back towards us every couple seconds. I timed it so every time the light came back to us I would quickly stare at her. It wasnt because it was dark. It wasnt because of how her cheer makeup was done. Every time I looked at her I felt home. I couldnt help but stare at the beauty literally shining off of her. The way she looked off into the distance, just made me so love struck. It was like I was discovering a new emotion. I thought I had loved previous girlfriends before. But this was real. I remember her looking away. I got closer to her. I cant remember What I actually said but I remember catching her off guard. I leaned in and she just was ready for it just as I was. When our lips touched it was other worldly. the feelings I got I had never felt with anyone. Thats when I knew. I knew I was going to be with her forever. we became best friends before we even started dating. We were so comfortable with each other it was insane. I mean for 3 years straight we were inseparable. We both moved out together. I was her first boyfriend. She was my first real girlfriend. We were so in love. So happy. Now I’m alone and terrified. I fucked up multiple times in our relationship. I watched my mother cheat on every man shes ever been with. I cheated. I still dont know why. Maybe it was me being so selfish because I had everything I wanted. Maybe it was because I watched my mother cheat on every man she dated. Maybe its because Im actually fucking stupid. I dont know. What I do know is theres no excuse for it. I gave up my perfect relationship. The woman that gave me my first born child. for someone who I never wouldve even looked twice at if i passed them on the street. I had no idea what I had. I’ve now spent months working to get my relationship with her back on track. When she left me I wasnt just broken hearted. I was dead. Literally emotionally dead. I had no feelings for anyone or anything. I tried doing everything I do to make me happy. I tried playing video games, I tried working out, I tried playing music. Nothing could over come the feeling of self hatred and self humiliation. But than I sat there and thought to myself. This is what I made her feel. She did nothing to me to make me cheat. I broke her god damn heart. The woman that I promised my late sister that I would never hurt. I destroyed her trust for me. no matter how much I try to prove to her shell never be able to look at me the same. Im still the same person. I just fucked up and wasnt grateful for what I had. I’ve been living with this demon weighing on me. Knowing I did what I did. something I promised myself that I would never do. I did it to the one person that actually mattered to me. It’s so hard having to try and rebuild what I had with her because I know deep down the only reason she is even giving me a chance to try and be anything with her again is because we have a kid together. Ive prayed so much just hoping that god will help me. I didnt even believe in god until I met her. But she changed that. just like how she changed my whole life, I want nothing more than to be back together and be a family again. its so fucking disappointing. Knowing that I’m that scumbag. But I’m a human. I’m learning everyday and growing everyday. I want to be the man she can trust. I want to be the man that she knows I am. And most importantly I want my son to have two loving parents that love each other to no limits. I just need her back in my life. Even if she decides to tell me she can never be with me again. I’ll accept it. Even tho I’m gonna be devastated. I’ll accept. Because at the end of the day thats the girl I love. If shes gonna be happy with someone else unfortunately thats what i want for her. I guess thats how you know our love was real. Because even if she was with someone else I’d still love her like i did 5 years ago. Id still love her like I did a year ago, a month ago, a week ago. Id still love her like I do now. But I want her happy. If she cant be happy with me than the choice is already made. so for now I’ll keep praying. Ill keep on the path im on working and trying to get our relationship mended. All I want is to have the love of my life back. I’ve realized the things I’ve done wrong. And I just want to fix it. 

[jerek]

[[MORE]]

i mean for gods sake in canon garrosh calls sylvanas a bitch and implies shes no different than the lich king but in my version she was killed by a misogynistic warlock, literally demonized after her death, and mourned in a Cringy but to my younger self quietly poignant scene by a version of garrosh that only truly comes into her femininity in remembrance and admiration for the woman who she feels alienated from in both nature and values but also spent so much time with, giving an honest ear to her cruel, world-taught views.

I mean for gods sake how did i write this. I accidentally wrote Garrosh as a nonbinary lesbian with a crush on a homophobic woman. Half of what i just detailed was a metaphor for things I would later go on to experience.

And i know this was some lesbian shit because it didnt end there. My version of garrosh was a physically imposing masculine lesbian, but she herself had an alternate version.

The alternate version was smaller, more normatively feminine, and drawn as an animal. In some branches of the story, she’s a reincarnation of the main lesbian garrosh, in a world where everyone else is reincarnated as a symbolic animal version of themselves, but in the main branch she never spoke, never interacted with anyone, and haunted Nagrand like a ghost.

Also let me talk about Nagrand. Fucking nagrand. When she got there is when the REAL feminist theory started. There were three main plot points.

1. it was revealed here that sylvanas lived on in a sort of afterlife. Not the empty blank void that Blizzard sent their favorite misogynist caricature to, to reflect the way they wrote her, but a dreamlike world that floated between the lines of the universe’s rulebook— surrounded by a perpetual rose-gold haze.

Sometimes it was a grassy floating island, with a single tree and a little pool of water, sometimes it was a modern driveway and a street and a park based on my own neighborhood, and then.

Sometimes they’d travel to the furthest edge of the afterlife, and there would be no great gate. Instead, there would be a silver strip, like a metal tightrope, and Sylvanas would walk her down it on their tiptoes, with only one of each woman’s arm extended for balance because the opposite hands were holding each other.

it was a dreamlike world, and until she gave up her life and met her there, she could only ever dream of it.

2. She did, eventually.

it was for garrosh. not my female version, because she had a different name that i would randomly change, but the male garrosh, the canonical garrosh, the garrosh who was meant to escape into the timeline she found herself accidentally in.

she saw him as a big brother, but at the same time, not. he was worse than her, and she knew that, but much like sylvanas it itched in the back of her brain that she could change him, that she could show him a new way like anduin tried to, that if this giving calm existed in her it surely rested dormant in garrosh.

because after all, like a nb lesbian and her favorite male character, she and garrosh were the same person.

garrosh was killed, and she sought revenge. wielding two axes— her own, and that of garrosh, she strode up to thrall and thrust her heart to the sky as she was struck down.

she went to the afterlife, and there sylvanas would sleep atop her chest, under the tree.

3. but before that…

you know how i joke about anduin being a lesbian??

i also used to have a virulent hatred for varian, from my version of anduin— another extended metaphor, this time for how neurodivergence affected my school life and my online life back in 7th grade.

and anduin snuck off.

almost every other day, he’d sneak off; sometimes to the animal world, where instead of being reincarnated he emerged from a dark, underground labyrinth in elwynn to a world that had never heard the words “prince of stormwind”— and unknowingly, he emerged transformed into a wild, half-maned feline.

sometimes to nyalotha, where he could rest, where he could recover, where in a single psychic scream he could eliminate the pull of duty and become not what he perhaps should have been, but what he was nonetheless happy to turn into.

sometimes back to veiled stair, sometimes he would burn the valley of four winds in his black-hole suspicions— he would drink too much of something shadowy purple— and he would sleep well knowing High Queen Proudmoore would understand that though destruction is a choice, one far easier than creation, sometimes the only real choice is whether to do something stupid or just stand by.

but this time, it was him and my version of garrosh. him, and her, and varian back in stormwind.

and he would ask her— why?

she would be silent, and keep bandaging his wounds from the local wildlife. they would heal eventually.

but he wasn’t the only insane, stupid one around. like a child younger than himself, sometimes she would leave their makeshift tent, and sit in the bushes, and sulk.

does it matter, one dream showed me her asking; my thinking, if it only lasts a moment?

he didn’t understand yet, but this wasn’t the branch where he ran from the same problem— a mix of his upbringing and the failures of his brain.

she would ask— “if i feel nothing for any longer than a few minutes,” in a tone i eventually thought betrayed who she was meant to represent— “how do i know that this momentary despair, this momentary rage even matters?”

“does it matter why, if i can do good only because i forget so often my evil nature?”

she would plead— smite her, burn a hole through her eyelid as was done to sylvanas, and remove what makes her this way. what makes her any way.

perhaps when she was redeemed, honorable by both orc and human standards, she would allow herself to die.

only one tear a night fell from my version of garrosh, and though they were both unstable, anduin learned from her. she was his mentor, his aunt, his idol, and his replacing parent.

when the si:7 found him, he was alone. he was scratching in his sleep at reddened pustules around old wolf-bite scars she had helped to close, and they took him back. as they do in every branch where he survives, by trap or by net or by silent cooperation.

through the fevers, he traveled back to stormwind. through the nausea, he embraced his father.

relishing the pain of red pox all over, pain body-wide that had never let itself exist without hellscream, he stabbed his father in varian’s own throne room.

this is how it must end with wrynn kings.

he didn’t know whether the guards slew him or arrested him. he saw only a thin strip of silver, splitting the evening sky, and knew soon he would be there with the woman he felt was truly worthy of being his family.

he experienced what she did. the weight on his heart, closing his throat as he tried to get people to see why he does what he does— why he sees the world the way he does, why it doesn’t mean he’s just a naive idealist waiting patiently for reality to beat it out of him. why it doesn’t make him stupid.

being haunted by himself. the dark face of the moon she was to him was small, and spindly, and though it was striped, unlike a lion, it wore a thick, soft mane from the top of its head down to its chest. he didn’t think the dead could laugh, but here he was— because what stalked him wherever he went was so much like her. big, and strong, and when he was alone daydreaming instead of performing for the crown, he imagined it free from the alliance.

dreaming of what could be. even with his own garrosh, he felt a familiarity that ate at him— how deep and warm his voice, how bright his eyes, how quick his temper— and how breakable he felt, from the moment his father woke every morning, to that moment in draenor where he saw another towering figure in solid stance, with hair long and tied, stare down at him and ask— who are you?

and with her, he could answer that.

i am what i am, he would tell her, the moment his soul untangled from his form, and there are no words in my language to describe me.

except for one, if his new mother would see fit— if orcish surnames could pass the grave he might feel around him were he able to move.

she had once called herself garrosh, because she thought she was him.

now, though it would take courage, as all things seemed to take when done her way— he would ask if he was a hellscream yet.

honorable to orcs and humans alike.

[tumblunni]

Rambling about my new watchholder oc Mallory

* absolute gremlin child. Eats dirt. Probably more of a monster than most of the yokai.

* at the same time tho, she is like super sunshine friend! She looks kinda gloomy ominous but her personality is actually super bubbly and her biggest priority in life is making new yokai friends and loving them forever. Like, creepy in a wholesome way? She does indeed love horror movies and creepy crawlies and could probably fistfight god, but that doesnt mean she's evil!

* kinda always bored but also easily exciteable? One of her biggest recurring jokes is just ignoring the normal or sane solution to a thing and doing something more fun even if its more difficult or dangerous. Actually i guess its more "fearless" than bored? Or bored of fear, lol. Fearless and doesnt really give a shit about any rules. But again not in a mean way, she doesnt break rules because she wants to piss people off, just like "im not gonna believe this if nobody bothers explaining why its supposed to be so important". But not exactly phrased like that cos that would be rude, lol. So uhh more like just relateable autism feel of not grasping social cues but mixed with a personality thats quite outgoing and uncaring of being judged poorly for not being normal, as opposed to me who's always worried about what people think.

* oh wait thats the word for it!! Free-spirited! Trickster! Like a peter pan type of trickster tho, more than loki. Like just "i am naturally outside the obligations of normalcy" rather than "i am intentionally trying to prank/illusion/manipulate people cos its funny". Or uhh i guess "manic pixie dream girl" but without all the stupid shit that trope has got associated with.

* pretty much just wish fullfillment of "what if i was confident enough to not care what people think and just act like myself no matter what"

* anyway in summary she likes to climb trees n stuff and her reaction to yokai being real is "yay" and her reaction to seeing an undefeatable giant kaiju is to run at it and try and suplex it with her bare hands. She's kind of a badass! Tho lol also her biggest character flaw is her badassness, cos she can be reckless due to the lack of fear. But then also sometimes when everyone is hopeless she really does manage to save the day no matter what, and help inspire everyone else to be brave too!

* though i'm thinking of maybe a character arc where she starts off seeing this as just a fun adventure with no stakes, and it doesnt matter if you take risks cos nobody's gonna get hurt anyway. Like a "this isnt really real, its just my hero's story" sort of thing? When things start getting more dark and she faces things she cant just defeat with simple optimism, it kinda stops being fun anymore. And she has to realize that even if she doesnt care about her own self preservation there's consequences that could happen to her friends and family. And maybe she's already made mistakes that she can't take back, and now she's neck deep in a conflict thats a lot bigger and more insurmountable than she thought. You can't just fistfight something like the abstract concept of hatred for humanity which will continue to be perpetuated as long as the idea keeps taking root. And maybe even yokai you befriended could start to believe it too, after all you've kinda been treating them as just fun toys and sidekicks on a story that's all about you, and dragging them into danger with your recklessness. Even though you're fighting the villains, are you really doing it because you actually care about saving the day? Do you even know what you're saving it from...?

* and similar to her unflappable victoryness being shaken, i think her fearlessness and confidence could also be deeper than they look on the surface. I feel like maybe as the story goes on it could be revealed that its less being fearless and more just not caring about her own safety. You start to see her get more actual consequences from her fights, and it starts to become sort of concerning that she keeps brushing it off as no big deal. Laughing it off. Wondering why her friends are even sad that she got hurt. And maybe she isnt really happy all the time and 100% secure in who she is, she just tries to hide any signs of doubt because she feels like nobody would care. And that she has to always be the funny class clown or else nobody would want to be her friend. And like.. She doesnt even really believe that she's great, believe that she's fine as she is. She's more aware of her weirdness than she lets on. She's constantly, paralyzingly aware that everyone thinks she's a freak. She did use to try and change herself to fit in, but she kept failing at it and it never helped her get any friends. Or when she did think she made a friend they'd turn on her whenever she slipped up and showed a crack in her mask of the perfect normal person. The perfect normal person they wanted her to be.. Constantly changing into WHATEVER anyone wanted her to be. The only reason she doesnt do that anymore is that she lost all hope in it working, not that she actually gained confidence in her true self. And even when she's npt conciously doing it she's still subconciously trying to be what people want her to be. She has to always be funny, always be fearless, she has to cling to the few parts of her weirdness that people dont seem to hate. And now she has to be the hero. She has to carry all the dreams of everyone she's met along the way, while never letting them know when she's scared she wont be able to help make them come true. She's always just laughing it off and never being fully open with any of her friends, because she's scared they'll hate her. ..

* so uhh.. Yeah. Personal experience of that. Personal experience of trying to fit into negative stereotypes of autism because thats what everyone saw me as no matter how hard i tried, and also it was the only form of autism theyd treat positively, somehow. Like just be the "funny one" and dont challenge any of their assumptions ans they'll leave you in relative peace. Put up with some degree of degredation to avoid the even worse version. And i was doing all of this at a very youbg age before i even knew i was autistic or what autism was, but i could still feel how people treated me differently and how i had to friggin agree with it or else they'd never let it go. Gahhh.. It was all way too complicated and dark for a kid to understand!

* so yeah anyway her story arc is going from being a badass funny to being a funny badass? Like she just becomes more genuinely tough and cool when she's not always winning and the stakes dont seem so low and comical AND most importantly you know her real feelings and see that she will indeed continue fighting even when she's scared. And she doesnt try so hard to be cool all the time so it just lets her be more genuine. And form actual relationships with everyone with genuine feelings. So its less "she is badass because its funny" and more "she is a badass because she's a badass". But she's still funny, just in more varied ways than simply "the only reason she won this fight so fast is because jokes". Fighting legit threatening enemies in fights that arent over in five seconds. So they can contain... SEVERAL joke..!!! And also some actual fighting for once!!

* hhh i dunno i am very tired im probably not explaining this well

* oh and i think possibly she has a bit of a complex of feeling she's nothing without her yokai watch? Like the yokai are her first friends who never abandoned her. And she always felt like she was useless and it was her own fault that she didnt have any friends. She first started off being all irreverent and goofy when she got the yokai watch cos she was well into her "i dont care anymore" phase of depression and felt certain these new friends would all realise she was awful eventually and leave, so like.. Why get attatched? Just have fun while it lasts. So maybe actually she shows early signs of her depression by trying harder to be normal whenever anyone shows her friendship. Maybe something where she starts straigjtening her hair or dressing more feminine and then you just see this look on her face like her heart has shattered when someone agrees that she does look better now. (Maybe a new yokai she recently caught who was like super cool and she wanted to impress them?) And she gets compulsively obsessed with it, exaggerating it to a ridiculous degree and starting to change other parts of her appearance and everyone goes from giggling about this weird circumstance to getting REALLY DAMN CONCERNED! And in the end something something the yokai who was an asshole abput her needing to be more feminine slips up and shows his true assy colours to the other yokai and theyre like IT WAS YOU and he's like "what? You should be thanking me for fixing your shitty trainer!" And Then Everyone Beats Him Up Forever. Etc etc moral that real friends accept you for who you are and anyone who tells you you have to change to impress them is not worth impressing. Also maybe some aspect where the yokai dude thinks that mallory is trying to impress him cos she has a crush on him, and thats the moment that manages to snap her out of her depressive funk. Self hate overrided by sheer EWW NO IM A LESBIAN, DUDE i just liked ur cool hat, geez. (Wait was that entire plot idea just an excuse to find a way to foreshadow her getting a crush on hailey in yw3...?)

* and maybe i dunno some sort of dramatic episode where she loses the ability to use the yokai watch and is faced with her self worth issues all at once and its super fuckin sad and we all know eventually she will get to see all her yokai friends again cos the plots not gonna end before finishing all the games but still MEGA SUPER SAD MOMENT ANYWAY (also tearful reunions!)

* also i just heard theres a yokai called furgus thats a big adorable hairball that gives people big hair. So maybe that could be one of the comically easy victory episodes? He uses his power on mallory but her hair is already too fluffy to be floofed! Maybe it backfires and turns his own hair into a boring bowl cut, lol? And then maybe a sequel where he returns for revenge a million episodes later but it just so happens to be during the maddiman boss fight and he accidentally cures his balding. "Noooo dont thank me nooooo" *is forced against his will to become a popular advertosing mascot for hair cream* *like straight up just gets sucked into the nearest bottle and sealed like a genie* *cursed forever to fame and fortune and a million dollar salary*

* lol i dont think im as funny as the actual yokai watch writers but i have a few ideas at least. This will be fun to draw!

[shamaste]

Oh Boy! I am completely upset about the rhythm. In a little while I will become a creature of the night. I lay down this afternoon, but then i waked up much later.

I just want to tell you something about the gate. The Christ light, Star of Bethlemen, or whatever you name it.

Since the opening of that gate, a new energyform has been hanging here, not just for me, and that same energy came very sneecky with that light to us thru that gate on December 21. -Something in me or someone said: make and open your own gate with it. Yes, I am a gate opener, and very grateful that I am one of the few who may and can do that. So my own gate exist as acgood neighbour, its a vortex gateway. He has a deep purple and royal blue color. That is the Gateway to the universe. Its Supports for what is to come and there is a lot to come.

This new energy that has come with the opening of that Christ's gate is new and difficult to trace and you cannot manipulate or direct it. What many people like to do is manipulate. Dont try it with this. It is especially meant for us, humans, and yes, it is also as an answer to ... to save Mother Earth. Its from the Mother of all Mothers, Gothmother of the universe, Birthgiver of light. SHE is the first, the big bang, creator of life. All the light from here to infinity, is Borne out her. Its not God. She is our balance, that what we are affraid of. But is part of us. She is the Black Light. Its stands besides the white light. We humans and de whole universe, are like yin yang. We need our dark light as much as the white light. Now here is the problem. When fear rules, they dismiss the dark sides. Reject it en denying it. When the scale is out of balance, 90% IS white then it is 10% dark light. THE universe needs balance, and shall maintain it. So it will go back to 50/50% whether you like it or not. OUR earth is now overwhelmed by light and her energy and grid is damaged. A rift has opend in her esterial grid. What that means. It has never occured before, but i know its not healthy for the energysystem. Our protection is damaged.

Back to the night on 21 dec. With the white light came this energy and contains a codex or codec. This is a special code and for anyone who has been working with that port from the night before. And until next year everyone will get that codec, it will load up along with the other light and you don't know if it has been downloaded into you. But i know, black light is invisable for most people. A few can see it. But you will notice. Whether you want it or not, you get that codec.

This codex settles in you, like a virus in a place in your unconscious, on that particle that is suppressed, and then has released it. That part is within you, and what the humans or humanity has forgotten. his Essence.

Stupidity and ignorance.

I had already warned people in March not to send energy to the earth in groups. When you look at the earth, it is now like an overexposed photo. To much love and light will kill her. A crack, rift has formed in the mother Earth grid. Her energy pattern has now been changed by humans. And that's bad. We humans sending also energy, but with everything does that, it is called vibration. Waves you can feel or sent.

The world is now torn apart, because humans are too. And that is been broadcast. Everyone just shouts after everything, anything like: we are all one (are we? Nope.), with nature, the earth and the universe. But when I warn groups to stop healing the earth, you get a big mouth, namecalling back. If you give the earth energy, then it to everything. Yes, also the microbes, bacteria and viruses are therefore also included. Even covid19 flurish by that energy.

My pants come off, what spiritual people talk about, nothing light and love. Hatred, curses, fear, frustration wrapped in fake love and light, and that also sends light around? That should be prohibited.

What strikes me is that the vast majority of spiritual people are the least purely engaged. They pretend to have a higher consciousness, but act like irresponsible scared little children. And that works with light and love? Disastrous. Look around and you is true.

And if you or all those people who work with energy, light energy, either alone or in groups and that with all kinds of suppressed dark things in it and a little more impurity sending it around the world? What do you think will happen?

Well this is already what happened, a giant outbreak of covid19 plus the darkside effect and that what is still to come. Spiritual people they should know better, but are also stupid and follow their own way only, they have the 'knowing al better- syndrome'. And that without real knowledge (as it turns out now) and condemning everyone who think differently than they do and that also without knowing what the hell they are doing.

Unfortunately and irreversible.

A lot has been sent around the earth with fear, fear of their own skin and life. Give everything, everyone energy without being asked. It going bad now and they refused to look at it. And still they think is not their problem. And certainly they wint look to itself. Nice and pure are those, right?

I say now: Stop sending.

It just makes things worse. How can you heal something when your it self is out of balance? How can you help someone or something with problems if you yourself are full of it? And then send energy in this condition? No, It really doesn't happen in light and love, but out of selfishness and fear.

And it is mother earth that needs to be saved? No, the person who sends energy must be saved, he / she thinks. There is no we! Q

And you send that away towards the universe. And then it comes: what do you, or humanity think? That angels, metatron, micheal will arrive or something to save you? Lol. Your wish.

If you know that people are doing it, men is making the earth sicker, then you also should know: people will be dealt with. Because we are the cause and that is sent around the world in groups. So stupidity, ignorance, stubbornness, spiritual conceit, selfishness and finally: fear, of terrifying death. That is nice to send that away. Then we shall have that in return, feeling better now?

No? What a shame, all those energies so called love and light, that have been sent will be as a universal boomerang coming back, ohnoo, its allready returned as! The black light and with that the danger, which is rotten in humans and that's what makes mother earth sick. That is going to be tackled here, on earth, so we the human beings, we are now the victims of light. What goes around, comes around. I hope, that this energy what is summond by humans themselves, whipes out us humans. I think .... maybe its better for mother earth. Her mother is here to rescue our planet that we are destroying, first hiv. That didnt work, now covid19.. there will be answers. So take responsebillity, start heal yourself, or there will be nothing left to heal. Sick in your mind and body, till death sets you free.

The dark light is the other part, what we have dismissed by fear, ignorance, by teachings. Even the bible says that light is the only good, and black light , the evil itself, is the bad thing. How many humans are death because of that light, what is the bible?

Black light prevents you to kill, it tells what is really bad in ourself, and we need it more now, then ever. To much fakery white light messengers are on this world. Abusing the light for his own sake and purpose. This world is going to be confronted with the lies about good and bad. One way or the other. There is no escaping from that part what is part of you and me. Thats youre dark side, what is coming to surfice. Even good people turned out te be bad and wicked.

Our deepest fears should released, the fear who we really are and that part is now back, has returned. Yes, thats the real deal, the knowledge that we are not childeren of light, and we never will be, because we are born out of the dark, our growingplace. We need the darkside, to grow to the light. Thats our purpose of black. Without there is no light. Without that dark part in you, you want be able to know and to be yourself. A slave of light, making lives miserable even your own.

And thanks for reading and sharing.

Black light matters.

They Dancing together.

There is no life without the one or the other.

[gee-ef]

UNEXPECTED ENCOUNTERS

"Still can't sleep at night?"

A familiar voice and I got distracted from choosing what kind of cheese should I get.

I can not remember when was the last time I heard that voice. But my senses can recall and flashback memories. I can't believe that I'll see her again, after years.

Almost lost my cool when she approached and place a block of cheddar on my hand and bottle of vintage on my basket.

"Should stick to what is good for you."

"Still authoritarian as always. And yes insomnia is back" I utter. I didnt say anything else but then deep inside, my soul is screaming, asking, looking for explanation. I still choose not to ask.

"This is a surprise that you are doing the grocery shopping, you don't like doing this by your self." she said.

I don't have a choice. I said quietly.

I don't know what happen but just like before, with one stupid but amazing smile she changed everything. And just like that, we found our selves talking and laughing with little silly things. Like what we used to.

Shelves of goods quickly being empty by shoppers and lines at the check out counter are getting longer but she didn't bother. She always take her time when doing anything. Me, I'm always on a rush.

I know that this is just an unexpected encounter.

Nothing special.

Nothing else.

Nothing.

I'm drown with my thoughts when she said,

"Just came back, and I think I'm gonna stay for good."

I don't know what to say so I just smiled.

But I know what she mean to say.

Before I had a chance to speak and say goodbye, she grabbed my hand, with shopping bags on the other, walk towards the door and tell me that we should get something to eat and wink.

Gosh, the signature wink that makes everyone's heart melt. I so know that gesture.

Settled on the cafe that happens to be my favorite place to hang out and kill time lately.

Without looking at the menu she made our order.

"Iced Black English Breakfast tea and mango smoothie for her." pointing at me.

"Change that to Irish cream coffee" I told the server and add some of your best seller cake. He nodded and left.

"Since when you learned to say no to mango smoothie?" she asked with confused look on her face but smiling and trying to catch my eyes.

I know that look. I've seen that years ago. But tried to shake it off.

"People change like you always say before" I said on a cold voice.

I don't know where did I get the courage. I've been trying to burry this hatred in my heart. I know that I will never see her again after the night she walk out of my life. How she said the words and left a fear and pain in my heart for the longest time.

*********

It's the last summer vacation of being a student. Next year, I'll be busy with interneship then a corporate slave. Perhaps, I have to make sure that this will be our best summer.

I always want to go to the beach. Its calming and romantic. And this is our favorite place. She love this place so much and she is happy whenever we were here.

Tonight, I'll ask Elaine to be my girl. Everything is perfect. I have prepared a blanket and some snacks. She love picnics at the evening and also sunset. What a weirdo but I want her to be my weirdo.

She came on her white halter dress. So elegant and beautiful but with the looks on her face, I know there is something wrong.

I'm always confident and courageous. I didn't hesitate to ask her. "Hey, you okay?"

She give me a loud sigh, looked me at the eye and let go her train of thoughts.

"This is not right."

"We should stop."

"I'm just a phase."

"You're just bored."

"Don't want this, us"

I don't understand but I can not breathe because of what she just said. Puzzled and I don't know what to say she grabbed my hands and kissed them.

"George, you are the smartes one in our class and I know that you can understand me" she said, teary eyed.

"I know... its for the better... we should stop this. I'm sorry" and just like that she turned her back and walked away from me.

********

The scent of Irish cream coffee brings me back to the present. Sitting on awkward silence. I just want to finish my drink and go home. There's nothing left with us. But then, she reached out and hold my hand and didn't care if everyone in the cafe is looking.

"I'm sorry, if I was not brave enough to do this before." she said on a shakey voice.

"All this years, I always think of you. I know, I've hurt you and I don't deserve to be with you. You were brave, smart, funny, and willing to stay by my side no matter what. But I can not do the same. I thought the you are better for someone else." she added

Surprised with her revelation but I can feel the same pain years back. "So you just choose to hurt me, and now you are telling me this?" I said on dry voice

She squeezed my hand lightly and said "Im so afraid of what other people would say. I came from a well known religious family".

So its all about what people would say I clarify to my self. The she cut me before I can say anything.

I'm so lost then but I don't want to hide anymore. The day I told you that we should stop is the same day I have realized that I still want you in my life.

I came out to my parents and told them that I like someone, that's why they sent me away. They changed my number, my social media, and email. I tried writing you a letter but didn't have the courage to mail it"

I'm in shock and let her speak. I know my voice will betray me if I will say a single word.

She pulled out a memory stick from her bag and give it to me. "I always bring this with me. I know I will meet you again, on the most unexpected time. All those letters that I was not able to send you, were all in there. My feelings for you."

She grabbed my hand and kissed it. "George, you are the best thing that ever happened in my life."

The ice in my soul are slowly melting. I took the memory stick. Maybe all the answers to my question are in here. At lease I'll get some peace of mind.

We stayed like that for I don't know how long. But I know I'm not yet ready to accept her in my life again.

"Elaine, you are sweet, and I admire you for being courageous to stand for your self. I've been carrying this burden for the longest time. I don't know what happen to us. Thank you for giving me some peace of mind."

She gave me a thin smile but it went out with the next thing I've said.

I will always care and love you but I can't afford to be hurt now. Things have changed. Maybe you have realized things and so do I.

We can't be together. You've made your decision and I respect that.

Then I grab my stuff, kissed her on the forehead and went out of the cafe.

Then, I never looked back.

=============================

Inspired by real events. Name of characters were changed for their protection.

REVISED AND PUBLISHED: MARCH 2020

[vosebin-blog]

AAAHHHH *insert my longest yeah boy ever here* HOWDY i’m sophie, the writer for this cute lady here. i haven’t....watched twin peaks cause im lame but i did grow up watching the twilight zone and i think true detective is in the same vein of concept of dark and creepy so!! all about having a good time here my friends🍸✨🍸 

u know the drill: plots and tldr after the jump, app jic, stats.  send me a dm if u wanna brainstorm or give this a like and ill get to u asap! xoxo

26 y.o muhan native that had moved to seoul for college, then work. "day" job was an accountant and its only v recently that she revealed herself 2 be the ~mysterious~ writer thatd been topping the bookseller lists w her rlly icky nasty writing

to make it easy, if u want to get a good idea of her content, think gillian flynn and crank that up by 10. writing is also quite similar: blunt, unapologetic, meant 2 make u uncomfortable. cults. religious mania. murder. unpleasant women for characters galore. wrote 3 books: scratch marks, hunger of the woods, split wide

also y no one would have guessed that a face like hers wouldve written about shit so unnerving + horror / mystery genre dominated by male writers!!

has been accused over the yrs for misogyny and misandry thats apparently “present” in her work. if u bring this up to her she will probably laugh u out of town 

only had 1 press conference, and that was 2 announce a sudden retirement + reveal her identity ( tho its rlly an.....indefinite hiatus but anyway ) and thats really that for seoul

but to those at muhan, shes probably just known as the girl who returned right when her mothers gone missing. coincidence??? i think not

except theyre not entirely wrong lol but with how carefree and relaxed shes been theres been a certain reputation thats been tacked onto her since game start

which she fully embraces, stereotype by stereotype, bcus its funny. creepy writer aesthetics? shes got it buddy, from the rickety rocking chair on the front porch near the mouth of the woods 2 that anne sexton ~flair~ for storytelling. 

keeps a pleasant exterior, but lmao the bitch vibes r thereeeee 200%. nice to talk to, but not a nice person i can promise u that. maybe makes up for it a little for being self aware and not being fake about it???

if u were in highschool wit her or were of acquaintance, then u most likely got a taste of it loool. was that 1 friend ( frenemy?? enemy??? ) who held nothing back, insults or otherwise

real reason y shes back here is only to pay back wtv huge ass debt mama accumulated and ran away from....but no one knows that except those friendly debt collectors thatve been coming around lately. shes working on it, but the bigger issue is having to face the demons of living in ur childhood home where youve left buried in the yard till now

long story short: sebin and mom had an extremely, extremely dysfunctional relationship. complicated history of envy, hatred, emotional abuse, vicious fights, gaslighting, understanding and family love. ultimately shit happens when ur left as a single mom banished to the side of the woods and have 2 give up everything to raise a kid u didnt even want. its not pretty, its not cute but its the 1 thing that shes known to be real all her life and it means something. writing ( obscured as it may be ) has helped her deal with it and in a way, its almost confessional. she hasnt disclosed any of this with anybody and doesnt plan to

given that, shes turned out ok?? as in, she kind of embraces the person shes been shaped into rather than reeling from shame

pet peeve is when ppl think they have her ~all figured out~ to which shes like.....ok....its not that deep lmao pls kindly fuck off sherlock holmes

should probably add that mom ran a little apothecary that raked in a decent amount of money but not enough. sebin just recently sold it 

thinks church is pointless, isnt all that aware of the cult but would prob think its stupid as fuck too. someone, be it god or satan or anyone else, pls save her...or dont LOL

dresses all ~casual chic~ ankle boots, lightwashed jeans, loose dress shirts. lotsa cute scarves

drinks too much. smokes too much. its a problem but she dont think so

find her @ the casino playing bridge or at college being a guest lecturer when shes not chilling at her house 

some plots / prompts

someone to have clever banter with

fan or admirer of her work that wont pipe the fuck down or relax and kinda makes sebin snap

bible thumpers who think shes a disgrace to the ~esteemed~ image of her mom

cult members who think that she’d be a good addition to their crew

mutual sexual ~tension~ or the classic will they wont they with a twist

her writing hit hard @ something rlly personal and it makes u rlly uncomfortable and u rlly just cant feel easy around her as a result

friends, exes, frenemies, classmates, childhood playmates

u thought her mom was an absolute darling and got along with her well so when sebin comes along and sells her shit right after the lady’s disappeared it strikes a nerve

someone shes met in seoul and / or uni

sebin just highkey scares u and she gets a kick out of messing witchu

let me show you my darker half, and i’ll show you mine. intense. honest. maybe even a little frightening. not so idle conversation late at night

u try to hit on her but shes just not gonna let u in so easy buddy

rainy night and u need somewhere to stay so u come by her house

‘why do u have.....all those knives........and guns.......and taxidermy......’

[tumblunni]

fuck, that story did so many complex things with morality, i think that’s why ultimately it was his most well remembered story like the basic premise of a unicorn looking for the other unicorns is basically nothing compared to the MILLION DEEP QUESTIONS it kindles in childrens’s brains along the way! and like, the fact that it was even aimed at children despite having so much dark imagery and psychological horror. and how the psychological horror comes from weird places?? like, it subverts and analyzes the fairytale genre and turns a lot of commonly accepted ‘happy ending’ things into absolute burning hell and eighty million other far more interesting plotlines springing from the corpse of the cliche it just killed. I love it. I LOVE IT.

Random examples of stuff that really intrigued me as a kid!

* the whole idea of how it starts off, that this unicorn just legit doesn’t know that anything happened to the rest of her people. she’s lived alone for centuries and doesn’t even know what loneliness is until she finds out that the world has changed while she wasn’t looking, and her assumption that there’s a million other forests with a million other unicorns was false. And like.. her journey is really complex because of it? her motivation is less about saving a family she personally knew, and more about the fear of being forgotten like they were, and like.. ‘do i even have any value if i’m not defined as a unicorn anymore, if people forget what unicorns mean?’ And like the idea of her first meeting other unicorns for the first time and having even mroe challenges to her perception of reality, like thats not even something she WANTS but the same somewhat rude and egotistical sense of honor she has as an immortal is gonna keep her going towards an ending that probably won’t be happy in any way.

* the many many nuanced moments where the unicorn completely fucks up and is generally allowed to be a flawed protagonist, despite existing in a narrative that’s from her perspective and paints her as perfect and her philosophy as the only thing that exists. And like.. how many of her fuckup moments are ABOUT her being this perfect godly figure to everyone else! How molly breaks down at seeing a unicorn NOW, instead of back when she was young and had hope of a happy fairytale ending. How she feels like she isn’t worthy of a unicorn even looking at her anymore, and how it manifetss into screaming anger, blaming this thing for being too late. And how the unicorn didn’t even know that this woman was waiting for her, and hinging her entire life worth on meeting her, and like.. molly isn’t prepared to look at it that way, if anything its even scarier to think that the people you idealise just DIDNT CARE. And how its complex cos i mean its not like the unicorn is bad, either?? She just didnt know what she meant to humans until she got out of her forest and started meeting them. She was so self-absorbed and proud about being immortal without even knowing the reason why magical creatures are considered godly. And its so complex cos the way she figures it out is via the actions of an asshole villain, like seriously its SO SAD that she gets to see little human kids feeling like they have a reason to live just from seeing the false image of a unicorn that the creepy slavemaster witch lady shows to them. the unicorn herself was powerless to be what they needed her to be, and all she even cared about was judging the humans as rude bastards for not being able to see her, rather than thinking about it as it really is, and realizing that its not like they don;t want to, they’re absolutely desperate to...

* and okay just seriously THE COMPLEX NATURE OF HUMANITY! cos she sees all the worst of humans and all the best of them too, and the story doesn’t even draw any conclusions as to whether we’re worth it, it’s up to you to decide

* also it was really deep and complex how becoming human wasn’t just a cliche happy ending for her! it was TERRIFYING! being forced into a new body wasnt even the worst part, it was the loss of identity factor that hit her after she was limited into a non immortal mind and soul. she goes crazy ‘feeling this body die around her’ and gets scared that she’s going to forget her old self, and also scared of going back to her old self because she doesnt know if these things like love are impossible for unicorns and she’ll become unable to feel them anymore. her opinion of herself falls so far from arrogance into outright FEAR! and its so fucked up because being human is hurting her like this yet she’s also kinda idealizing humanity and blaming it for all her positive character development and like SHE’S ANGRY AND SCARED OF POSITIVE CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT??? it fucking makes my soul weep and then the ending is so fucked up cos she does return to being a unicorn, and no she doesnt stop feeling love for the human guy she fell for, and all her human friends who helped her this far. but now she’s burdened with the knowledge that she will never die and they will, so the story just ends with her running away so she doesn’t have to feel that pain, or burden them with any more pain too. And she’s even more alone than she was at the start, because she knows that none of the other unicorns understand these emotions, they’re all like her pre character development self and she could never be part of their world again. Its complex because these positive emotions and this kinder personality is like.. a curse to her. because at least she didnt hurt when she was blissfully oblivious, and didnt care about anyone but herself. Its like.. was this newfound ability to feel love actually a blessing, if she gets the love but also the ability to have her happy ending is forever lost to her? so really all she gained was the power to be aware that she was suffering all along. and like even if she managed to get magicked into a human again, the story makes it clear that it’s intense suffering for her, its like walking on knives and her personality would just melt away and she wouldnt even remember why being able to love was so new and so important. it’d be just like someone else having a happy ending instead, and her ceasing to exist. But then the story also gives us this very clear binary where all of her personality is very much linked to being immortal, and her only choices are to live forever and be sad, or to die and not even fully be happy because she’d lose herself. and like all she accomplished was losing the option she never knew she had- to live in innocence without a concept of good and evil, and thus never regret. which isnt a happy ending either, but at least she wouldnt KNOW she was in a bad ending...

* fuck this movie is so hard to explain and so sad

* oh and!! the harpy was fuckin terrifying!! and all the morality around it was even more so! its the first time the unicorn really fucks up, cos she’s just running on the honor of all magical creatures, which is very far from concepts like good and evil. she has to free a fellow immortal, even if its clear that the harpy is evil and will only do harm. but she doesnt even fully understand evil yet, all she knows is.. like.. fear? and betrayal. she knows that for some reason she doesnt understand, she fears this other person who is like her. and subconciously she recognises the darker side of what an innocence of good and evil can turn you into. but she recklessly chooses to ignore the humans trying to explain morality t her, cos thats just a human thing she doesnt need to care about, right? and then what ultimately surprises and scares her isn’t that the harpy does what humans think are evil, but that the harpy has no loyalty to the one who freed her, and immediately tries to kill the unicorn too. And you even get the sense that the unicorn would have still freed her even if she expected this would happen, its just this sense of duty between immortals because being caged means so much more when you’ll never even have the release of death. And i mean.., that’s kind of a point, too. the story’s one moment of embracing cliches is that it says that the harpy is just inherantly evil and was born evil, rather than more directly placing it as a parallel to the unicorn’s absence of good and evil. how do we know that this thing really IS an embodiment of all hatred, and its not just a lost and deluded creature like our protagonist, whose moral neutrality got pushed down the wrong path due to the difference of life it had once it first encountered humans? i mean, the unicorn encounters plenty of shitty humans too, but she manages to at least find some good ones and like.. she had a starting point of assuming she was a proud and inherantly good creature, which was confirmed even by the humans who manipulated and hurt her. she gets to see herself worshipped by humans, even if its as a way to make a quick buck. and we don’t know how long that harpy was locked up in an even worse version of her situation, and whether the unicorn would have become just as hateful if she hadnt been resuced... Its just kinda lazy to say ‘wow its good that shitty mc fuckface locked up this inherantly evil creature, yet bad that she did the same thing to you’ But still it makes for a really scary scene cos the film really went all out in establishing what a born-evil creature would actually be like, and how fucking terrifying it would be to deal with something that just wants to kill and kill and will kill even if there’s no benefit and no logic to it. It’ll betray anyone who shows kindness to it, and you’re being stupid by treating it like a real sentient being with thoughts and a soul. And thats terrifying. But its also fucking sad. And its the one lack of complex morality in this story. but i guess maybe i wasnt supposed to be a story all about exploring complex versions of morality, but just.. different and interesting ones? so taking the ‘inherantly evil’ trope and being like ‘no, you dont get to use that lightly, this is how horrifying and child-unfriendly that would really be’ is still an intriguing idea in its own right

...anyway its a real good movie also my lunch is burning cos i couldnt take it out of the over til i finished rambling RIP salmon dinner