#but i was always met w 'did you pray? did you read the scriptures? if that didn't give you the answer you don't need to know'

[thrassisfras]

Ended up talking to my medieval professor about theology on Tuesday, and when it inevitably came up that I'm ex-Mormon, he almost immediately said "you get to ask questions now" in the most reassuring tone of voice and I've been carrying that with me since

[portfolio-of-dreams]

true religion. | Angel! Yuta Okkotsu x fem! demon reader

w/c: 3.8k

warnings: angel/devil au, depictions of angel wings, halos, devil horns, heaven and hell, religious themes and wording, references to scriptures, praying, explicit smut, sacrilege, fingering, cunnilingus, dacryphilia, exhibitionism (if you think about it), public sex (confessional), slight spitting, tummy bulge, blood mentions, kinda manipulative?, reader gets called angel/pretty girl

MINORS & AGELESS BLOGS DNI. you will be blocked on sight. Characters are aged-up, even if not stated. Thank you.

a/n: This is my submission for @semisgroupie Heaven & Hell collab! thank you to the lovely @devinsdaydreams for helping along with this piece and beta reading!

The way I wanted to gatekeep this piece is unprecedented lol.

“Y/n! Stop this madness. Allow me to help you!” A sweet voice spoke to you, dripping like honest honey in its rawest form and it stung you like the bees that tended to it. It was a voice that you heard often, even repeating in your nightmares.

Weeks turned into months and months into years. Yuta chased after you, singing in his smooth tones as a warm glow cascaded around him with every step. He spoke about deliverance and saving you from the depths of the burning cores of inferno. What did he know? Where you came from and your upbringing in the underworld was all you knew; you’d sink your oars into the murky waters of the passageways that would take you to the mortal world where you could do whatever you wanted. Why would you ever want to leave this life? Deliverance? You were taught that chaos reigns and the lurking shadows always take their victim in a slow burn.

But still- he dreamt of you, as he fell asleep to the harps strumming sweet symphonic sounds in the cotton polished clouds. He was in a different time before he met you. In those early days, his purpose was to ward off the demons and evils that ascended to wreak havoc and invoke sin against the Gods and mortals. It was easy and emotions wouldn’t get in the way of the conquest before him. Until he found you. As the moon light crept across the solemn sky in the night, Yuta couldn’t help but let his mind wander to the possibilities- the possibilities of you. You were so different, so mischievous and curious about the world. It wasn’t fair that you were born to the Underworld, to a life of destruction. It wasn’t fair that your laugh was so devilish but he wanted to hear it everyday. That’s why he chased you- he could sway you, he could bring you to the angels. Make you one of them, make you his.

He’d watch you from above, see you sitting alone in the old wooden church pews questioning this thing called “religion”. Your perfectly pointed bright ruby horns that sat on the crown of your head- oh what he would do to vanquish them and give you an innocent halo, that accented those soft eyes of yours. Pure white feathers fell from his wings and decorated the sky every time he had those explicit thoughts about you... His pale fingers brush over the prayer beads that dangle around his neck and his pink lips move in silence to recite the memorized line, “the sexual immoral person, sins against his own body,” his chin tilts up when his palms meet, soft tears gathering in the corners of his eyes and adorning his long dark lashes. 

His pupils get dilated and a thin ring of blue surrounds them, and it’s not an ordinary blue. It’s ravenous but calm- like the depths of the ocean, glistening with every rolling wave and when the bright continuous outflux of light envelopes his irises like it would an endless sea, it stops the ever flowing breeze around him. Speckled hues of gold highlight his rosy cheeks and his warm glow rids the shadows that encompass the dark corners of the mortal realm.

The soft draping collar of his robes brush up against his jaw and accentuate his collarbones. The open-ended sleeves, decorated in gold foiled olive beaches, gently hang around his toned forearms. He drops his head to the side onto his shoulder and a strand of dark hair falls delicately between his shut eyes. He’d whisper his sweet prayers directed towards you, and your skin burned at the flesh when he said his Amen. You always felt like someone was watching you and even though you’d never heard him wish for your safety or pray for your happiness, your insides got hot- boiling the blood in your veins. And you knew hot, you lived in Hell.

His heart, that’s always leveled and true, leading him down the path of righteousness would occasionally teeter on a scale, weighed against the purist of feathers; what is right and what is wrong? These new thoughts would perplex him and make him question his devotion. His long fingers rush to cup the cross that's rested against his neck, he brings the dainty holy symbol to his lips and places a gentle kiss to it in search of reassurance. And as always- he knows his devotion is true, and he’ll try everything to sway you towards the good, towards him. 

It was an unsteady morning, harsh winds blowing against every object and echoing between the alleyways of buildings. He walked along the street ways, almost as if on air- his feet never touching the tarnished cement. He brought light to every crevice as he passed, searching every dismal corner and every hooded figure, looking for you. He slid down against a dirt cladded piece of land and saw you there- leaning up against the brick and stone, staring at the weeds that grew along the cracks in the pavement. You reached out to touch one, stroking a leaf between your pretty little fingers, feeling the life sprouting through the veins, before it wilted and fell in a stream of dust and ash. Little particles floating around in the gleaming hues of sunlight to your left. And then you saw him.

“You again? Just leave me alone, Yuta…” You spoke in a condescending tone. You rolled your eyes and turned away, but he grabbed your wrist.

“Wait, let’s talk. Just for a moment, y/n” he looked at you with those blue eyes, full of pure innocence and a desperation that makes you stutter your breaths. 

You shrug his hand off of you, - “Your touch hurts, so stop it. Actually stop following me all together.” - you huff out and turn to walk away.

In a swift undetectable motion making no sounds, he's standing there in front of you. Purity dripped from the corner of his soft smile, directed at you. The soft blow of the feathers on his wings, flipping up at the ends when he delicately flutters them and his eyes- looking straight into yours. He knew something, how did he know where to find you? How long had he been watching you?

“For in much wisdom is much grief, and he who increases knowledge increases sorrow.” he spoke soft words that echoed in your ears.

“Sinners are those bound in chains and thrown into hellfire, pleading for their own destruction.Tartarus, the deep abyss for angels who rebelled, may have a place reserved just for you, Yuta” your words laced with hate against him. Did you hate him? Or was it just a conditioned response because he was an angel, albeit a bad one, from your perspective. 

“I know you're intrigued. And I have the ability to teach you- allow me.” His words melted through you like sugar in acid.

You could only scoff as you flicked your wrist against the dirty water in the stream below the overpass. A mix of vantablack and the deepest shade of navy blue swirled together, creating a harsh portal, hot enough to make Yuta sweat. You brushed him off and disappeared into the one place Yuta couldn’t follow you to- Hell. You mumbled to yourself as you guided your canoe along the water of the soul-laden moat. Minutes ticked by before you hit the rocky edge of the pathway.

“He doesn’t know anything. Stupid angel boy with his stupid glittery eyes.” You said under your breath as you returned to your corridors. 

Seating yourself against the anguished looking couch, you flipped a cushion, scratching it with your fingernails in frustration. No one here understood you- they only cared about wrecking havoc, hellfire, and sinful activities. Sure that stuff was important to you but it wasn’t top of the list. Your mind was always thinking about what else? Life washes over those who expect it the least. It seeps in and out of the expanse of space and time and steals the innocent. Then it comes crashing in and destroys moments in its wake. Why did all this happen? What else was there? Why weren’t you privy to this information- you just wanted to know. You were heaving with the full expanse of your chest, again and again, you were out of breath and tired as you screamed into the shreds of cushion left. Before sleep overcame your tired body and you collapses to the lullaby of tortured screams.

Hours passed before you returned to the mortal realm. Peeking your head through the shadows, looking for any sign of the boy who became obsessed with you and your whereabouts. It seemed to be very early morning, dusk had not yet reached its peak. You could freely roam the concrete jungle without others constantly bombarding you. You looked up to the night sky. A vast and unknown universe beyond your eye, a different world entirely from the one you knew. Did Yuta know that world? You watched the black silk, welcomed by countless twinkling dots, and a rounded globe of yellow seamlessly floating above you. Clouds began to melancholically float across, dimming the already faint light of the stars as the morning started to change the skies. A steady drizzle of rain begins to descend from somber clouds; crystal tears landing silently on the pavement below creating opaque puddles that fill the cracks and crevices. Incandescent yellow hues illuminate the charcoal sky as the winds pick up loose leaves in a whirlwind.

They fell onto you but you didn’t feel a thing. What did water feel like? It seemed like such a dumb question to ask yourself. You get angry when these thoughts invade your mind, you were cursed from the start with a different mind. Your father falling in love with a mortal- while you got to be a demon you had a mind that was constantly dreaming of different outcomes. Fuck humanity, but you wanted to know more and more with each thought. 

“Seems I’ve found you again”- that honey voice again, why did he always appear when you had an intrusive thought- “I know what you're thinking about y/n, so just come with me…”

The truth was, Yuta had no idea what you were thinking but he knew how to press your buttons after years of watching you from the realm of angels. Hesitantly, you followed behind his light footed steps. Once he knew you were following him, he’d turn over his shoulder and offer you a smile that sank into your bones and made you feel fragile. He brought you up the stoned steps to an old church, pushing the door aside and motioning you to enter first. You sent him a cold glare as you walked past him. 

He led you to the middle pews and sat you down with him settling beside you. He pulled out an overfilled book from the cubby nailed onto the section in front of you. Worn out papers, most ink stained with age, fell out from between the pages as he opened it. He pointed to the words that made the most sense to you and then his interpretations of them. The way he viewed things was so different from yours- you sat and listened as he told story after story from the old aged book.

Before you knew it, you blurted out your secret: “My mother was mortal.”

Your hands flew up to your mouth so fast after you realized what you had said. Your father said to never tell anyone because you didn’t belong anywhere. You could at least live the life he set up for you, lie after lie. Yuta stared at you for a while before he flashed a wicked grin that left his face as soon as it appeared. You knew he was up to something when he took your hand and led you to a strange curtained box all the way on the right wall of the abandoned church.

“A confession like that can be kept a secret in a confessional. Never to be uttered to another soul.” His thick breath washed over your neck as he pushed you inside. 

You couldn’t do it. You shouldn’t do it. But the fact was, you wanted to. Falling into the trap that was Yuta Okkotsu- his feigned innocence masked by that smile that puts the softest wrinkles in the corners of his eyes. He pulled you in, the trap he’s been setting up from the beginning. Just for you.  

“Don’t you worry that devious little mind, we can atone together- afterwards” silked words dripped from his angelic tongue.

Lips locked with filthy intentions as his wet muscle sweeps across yours. Your chests are pressed against each other as a polished hand dips down, delicate fingers brush against your sensitive cunt like butterfly wings fluttering in soft breezes. You knew this wrong but his hot touch made your skin steam in all the right ways. Your hips roll against the hand that’s cupped your dripping juices like a chalice on the altar. ‘Your filthiness needs cleansing’, he’d whisper as his thumbs bends to tap your puffy clit. 

The dry rotted old booth of the abandoned church holds your secrets in confidence, keeping them tucked away in the old cracks and chipped crevices. Hiding you from the rays of light that came through the broken stained glass windows. They melted hues of scarlets and sapphire against the columns of the church and sank down into the sacramental wine stained carpets. The floorboards creak as you step faintly to lean against the backboard. His hand bends, squeezing your most intimate areas creating a gasp that leaves your lips so roughly, so desperately. Your pupils dilate as your lashes flutter and tears prick the corners- spilling so beautifully against your cheeks. Yuta leans in, kissing them away as briskly as they fall.

“I’ll take good care of you, I promise. Keep letting those tears fall for me, pretty girl.” He said in muted tones against your ear as he licked up the shell making your thigh quiver and pussy clench down around his fingers.

He chuckled lightly as he removed his hand and brought it up to his mouth. Allowing a wad of spit to slip past his plush rose-colored lips onto his middle and index finger. He dips it back down, rubbing your clit with his ‘holy water’ before slipping them into your hole, stretching you open at your tainted entrance. His shoulders arch forward, pressing your back against the screen of the confessional box. Your pussy is clenching at the thought of someone seeing the unholy scene unfolding, such a sin to commit, but as Yuta always says ‘the angels and the demons are always watching.’

You squirm in his touch, a yell out his name leaves your lips, and your toes curl under the pleasure. It was almost delicious the way it hurt as his fingers tugged at your bundle of nerves. Ring clad fingers push against your walls as your thoughts run haywire, only the feelings he’s bestowing on you trot through your mind. Wet lips attach to your neck, nibbling the surface delicately as his fingers work their way between your folds. Your mewling, coming completely undone for him as he slides his slender fingers in and out. Your arousal creating a shine against the gold adorning his digits.

His hand doesn’t leave his position as he bends to his knees in front of you. His free hand removes the cloth covering and he watches as your clit turns a bright red- matching the horns on your head. He’s palming at himself thinking how beautiful you’d look in purity colors; a soft halo replacing those vile obstructions on your head, flowing ivory wings of feathers sprouting so lovely from your shoulder blades, dripping in a crimson as they emerge from the skin and the screams you would let out as they broke your flesh. His deep eyes roll back into his head at just the thought of it. 

He wraps his wings behind your thighs, bringing you closer to his mouth as he lulls his tongue out. Sweeping a soft chorus of innocence that danced along your skin as he trailed his lips up your thigh. His stare is boring into your glistening cunt as he removes his fingers, only to be quickly replaced with his tongue. His well-kept fingernails are digging into your skin as he swipes the tip along your clit, in slow steady movements. He’s unintentionally teasing you the way he’s swirling his spit around against your sensitive spots and prodding at your entrance. He’s sucking in every drop, every miniscule movement of your pussy, memorizing your taste, your sounds. Drinking it in like he’s being baptized all over again. 

“Y-Yuta!” You squeal and try to clench your thighs together around his head but he’s stronger, easily pulling them apart.

His sharply cut jaw is glossed over in your juices as you feel your orgasm overflow. Ripping through your core and coating his chin. He’s groaning between your legs, his ears ringing in muffled sounds of choir bells as he grows lightheaded. He flattens his tongue, licking from your entrance up your waist. He looks up at you, from his knees as his hands clasped together in prayer and he whispers a dirty Amen, his lips glossed in your sheer arousal.

He slowly stands, swiping one last finger between your folds and smoothly pushing it past your lips “Taste yourself- my soon to be angel” the smirk on his face growing.

He carefully lifts you up to his waist. His hard cock nudging your soaked entrance and his ocean eyes stare into your own, whispering secrets in a language you didn’t understand. His hands are gripping at your waist, hard enough to leave imprints, as he sinks you down onto him. He glides so effortlessly into you, so warm and deep into your center. He fills you up completely, feeling his tip hitting your cervix and creating the prettiest bulge in your stomach. Every thrust makes your head reel, thinking of the possibilities of this so-called ‘Heaven’ he always spoke about. Maybe it wouldn’t be too bad if you had Yuta like this more often. Your head collapses into the valley between his neck and shoulder. His breathing is harsh, chest heaving against your own as he lifts and lowers you. The sounds that pass through your parted lips, utterances of pleasure, spill into his ear and cascade through his shivering body. He’s close and his movements hasten from a gentle rocking to a needy pulse. 

Your body is trembling against him. Jolting against the wooden walls and dull colored curtains. Your vision is spotting and your heads in the clouds- dancing along opalescent diamond thoughts. You didn’t care about forgiveness. This was your given duty to corrupt those pure of heart, but with him, it felt the other way around. Disgraceful sounds echo in the small space as sweat drips from both foreheads. You peek down, you're greedy; the way you're taking his cock against your gummy walls. It was too much, and another scream of his name has your body jolting, thighs quivering. More tears trickle down your face and he’s quick to catch them on his tongue, like you would falling snow in the winter. Whatever Heaven was like- you’d hoped it was like this as you cream around him.

“Say it, tell me you want this to be your eternity; convert you as an ethereal being, an angel- my angel.” Yuta grunts against the skin on your cheek.

“Yes! Yuta, please. Bless me for I have sinned against the Father.” you mewl as a soreness envelopes your core.

The final words you spoke were enough for him. The puffy pink tip of his cock smashed against your cervix and he twitches inside of you. Emptying inside of you, making you focus on the gooey warmth of his cum. White ropes plaster against your walls. There’s no turning back now as he rides out his high into your squelching hole. His wings are quivering out behind him. You feel too good to be ashamed of your actions. He slides you down his thighs, peppering kisses to your face.

“Amen, angel” he whispers. 

He takes your shaking hand and leads you out of the steaming box to the altar piece. He gently pushes you to your knees and helps you hold your hand in prayer. He swirls his fingers against the rim of a tarnished silver chalice. It fills in a pale blue pool to the brim and he kneels in front of you. He flicks the water in a cross shape against your skin and it sizzled, god, it hurt so bad. Everything stung and your head was pounding as your horns broke down the middle and fell in streamlined shattered dust to the floor. 

“Come to me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest.” Yuta speaks in a serious tone.

Blood curdling screams left your voice hoarse as white flames erupt from your back. Crescent crimson beads drip from your spine as black tipped feathers emerge, bones crack and your breathing is labored with every growth. Wrecked sobs echo through the thin church walls and he’s in front of you, cradling you, stroking your hair as he whispers sweet nothings into your ear. They mean nothing to you- your mind is only focused on the pain. 

“Shh, don’t worry, my angel. You’re cleansed now, you're free.” He speaks to only you, a smirk resting on his face as his eyes look up to the ceiling. He finally won. After years of chasing you, attempting to sway you- he finally accomplished his personal conquest.

He picked up your breaking body as a halo tilted atop your head. He carried you through the tall beige doors to the outside. The cloudy sky had parted and golden off-white hues spilled through the seams down onto you. You could feel the rays of the sun warming your skin, and it felt nice. You could feel warmth and pain and love. These new feelings weren’t expected but your heart, your heart; you had a heart and it was fluttering in your chest as Yuta carried you up to the clouds. And you suppose, this new life wouldn’t be so bad, with your angel- was worth more than the infernos of hell.

© please do not post my work anywhere. <3

tagging: @touyasghosty @bxnten @bokuroskitten @httptamaki @nappingwithyuuji @chifuyuslilkitten @kennyb0y @k-ryuuguji @wakasasucker @rxmera @blueparadis @sano-obsessed @sweetsbysatori @suyaluvs @hshiras @shibuyawardnetwork @witheredroza @crybabylisa​ 

[polishksiezniczka]

Camerlengo Patrick McKenna Fluff ABCs | Camerlengo x Female Reader

Il camerlengo deserves more love ❤

Notes: These take place in an AU where the Cardinal Strauss and Commander Richter are guilty of the attacks on the Vatican. 2K words.

A = Attractive (What do they find attractive about the other?)

There are so many things about you Patrick adores: your beautiful, soft smile; the curiosity and warmth your eyes convey; the feminine lilt of your voice. But most of all, he loves you for your heart. The kindness you show towards others makes you an angel in his eyes.

B = Baby (Do they want a family? Why or why not?)

Despite his vocation to the priesthood, Patrick would love nothing more than to start a family with you. He views the love you share as a gift from God, not something that should be disgraced or vilified. The arbitrary man-made rules of the Church which prevent him from realizing this longing—your own little family—frustrate him to no end.

C = Cuddle (How do they cuddle?)

With the utmost care and gentleness. He holds you against him, reverently stroking your hair, face, and body with his warm fingers. He especially loves to admire the suppleness of you, softly kissing each and every glorious inch he can reach. While these moments are few, they are precious to him.  

D = Dates (What are dates with them like?)

Because your relationship with Patrick is technically “forbidden,” you can’t go on dates in the normal sense. When he can, Patrick will use the secret passage between the Vatican and Castel Sant’ Angelo to discretely travel to the outside world in order to visit you. Because you really can’t be seen alone with him, you instead spend time with Patrick in your apartment, often cooking dinner, talking, and just enjoying each other’s company. Even if you can’t confess your love to the world yet, all he desires is to spend every moment he can with you.

E = Everything [“You are my ____________.” (e.g. my life, my world)]

“You are my heart.”

“You are my treasure.”

“You are my life’s greatest blessing. You are a gift from God.”

F = Feelings (When did they know they were in love?)

When he imagined his life without you. The pain he felt even entertaining the notion was too much for him to bear. He knew he needed to tell you before it was too late.

G = Gentle (Are they gentle? If so, how?)

This is one of the main reasons you fell in love with Patrick—he is truly the gentlest soul you have ever met. He treats you as if you were a priceless relic, practically worshipping the ground you walk on and swearing to defend you from any harm. Not that he won’t stand up for what he believes—he is a fierce defender of his faith and possesses the ability to inspire millions with his commanding oratory. But the look of love in his eyes when you catch him watching you makes your heart flutter rapidly in your chest like a schoolgirl’s.

H = Hands (How do they like to hold hands?)

Secretly and with all the affection he can possibly give. He especially loves to brush his thumb across the back of your hand, squeeze them lightly, or bring them to his lips when they are intertwined. When you are alone together, he always wants to maintain this type of intimate contact.  

I = Impression (What was their first impression?)

When you first met Patrick, the always-charming young priest was left speechless. Not only was he enamored of your beauty, he was mesmerized by your intellect and eloquence. At first, he chided himself for such foolish and boy-like thoughts—he was a priest, after all! But after slowly getting to know you, he realized how much you embodied perfection to him: your poise, the uncommon kindness you showed to all those you met, your deep devotion to your Catholic faith. And you couldn’t help but feel the same strong attraction to him.

J = Jealousy (Do they get jealous much?)

Patrick is not the jealous type—he would never have any reason to be. Your love is built on trust and truthfulness, and he alone holds the key to your heart.

K = Kiss (How do they kiss? Who initiated the first kiss?)

You were the first to kiss Patrick. You had gone to him for guidance after suffering a deeply personal anguish. His words were so gentle and reassuring, you couldn’t help but softly kiss his cheek in gratitude as tears slipped silently from your eyes. You were too numb to even feel ashamed, let alone prepare for Patrick’s response: taking your hand and kissing it lovingly, a gesture meant to assure you your feelings were reciprocated.

Because of Patrick’s profession and his constant presence in the public eye, you can’t be together as often as you’d like. But when you are, you nearly die and go to heaven from his mouth’s attentions alone. Patrick’s kisses are gentle, reverent, and full of love. He is never aggressive or rough; instead, he worships you with his lips, laying them everywhere like a starving man put before a feast.

L = Love (Who says I love you first?)

Patrick did. He was running to the helicopter to dispose of the antimatter chamber, willing to sacrifice his life for the safety of the faithful gathered in the Square and his beloved St. Peter’s. As he prepared to take off, he saw you standing on the steps at the entrance to the basilica, tears in your eyes. He silently mouthed to you, “I love you. Pray for me.” You were distraught but could do nothing but nod as tears clouded your vision and watch as he ascended from the plaza into the night sky.    

M = Memory (What’s their favorite memory together?)

One night you begged Patrick to go for a walk around the city together, like a normal couple would. You couldn’t brush away the romantic childhood notions of strolling through Rome with your beloved. He finally acquiesced to your pleas (your doe eyes and breathy implorations being of great assistance to you) and the two of you slipped quietly out into the dusky night. You frolicked at the Trevi Fountain, gazed at the enormity of the Pantheon, and shared a sweet treat from the gelateria while nestled on a bridge overlooking the Tiber River. Although the ancient city was beautiful, the sight beside him was what truly took his breath away.

N = Nickel (Do they spoil? Do they buy the person they love everything?)

Priests are sworn to a life of poverty, so Patrick does not shower you with expensive presents (nor can he afford to). But none of that matters to you because all you care about is Patrick and your love for him. Of his few earthly possessions, Patrick gifted you his late mother’s golden crucifix necklace inlaid with emerald, despite your attempts to dissuade him. He gave you the look of utmost adoration and smiled. “Angelo mio, you are the only one worthy of wearing it.” You wear the necklace every day as a secret declaration of your love for Patrick.  

O = Orange (What color reminds them of their other half?)

There are two: light pink (it is your favorite color and the color of your favorite flower, the gardenia) and white. White symbolizes purity and peace, as it is the color of the angels, and to Patrick, you are his angel on Earth.  

P = Pet Names (What pet names do they use?)

Angelo mio (“my angel”); cuore mio (“my heart”); mi amore (my love); “beloved”; “dearest”; “my treasure” ; “sweetheart.”

Q = Quaint (What is their favorite non-modern thing?)

His rosary, made of olive wood grown on the shores of the Sea of Galilee. It was a gift from His Holiness.

R = Rainy Day (What do they like to do on a rainy day?)

Ideally, he would spend the day curled up together on the sofa with you, reading, talking, or just basking in the other’s presence. Two mugs of tea and a plate of delectable pastries you had baked for him would sit on the table but would remain uneaten because of the sustenance you provide to each other. When he cannot be with you, he enjoys spending time in his study, doing research, reading Scripture, or writing his weekly homily.  

S = Sad (How do they cheer themselves/others up?)

Prayer—he always turns to God and the Saints for guidance.

Naturally, being by your side and in close physical contact immediately quells even his deepest fears. He relishes listening to your soft, sweet voice, lulling him into a sense of profound comfort and eventually, sleep.

T = Talking (What do they like to talk about?)

Patrick is an intellectual at heart and loved the time he spent in seminary. He is incredibly well-versed in a variety of topics, including literature, history, science, music, art, philosophy, and theology. You could listen to him for hours and never lose interest.

U = Unencumbered (What helps them relax?)

You. Patrick can be himself around you, let his guard down. He knows that he can tell you anything. Sometimes when he has a lot on his mind (responsibilities, the welfare of his Church, your future together), he simply gazes at you lovingly and observes the subtle movements you make when you’re engrossed in a task like cooking, reading, or playing the piano.

When he’s anxious and you are not around, prayer provides him a deep sense of comfort. He also relishes in your sweet scent—a small vial of your perfume you gifted him.  

V = Vaunt (How do they like to show off? What are they proud of?)

Vanity is a sin! 😉

But in secret, he loves showing off his Latin skills to you! You find it incredibly sensual when he speaks to you in that ancient tongue.

W = Wedding (When, how, where do they propose?)

On a dreamy spring night, Patrick led you up to a secret balcony near the base of St. Peter’s massive  dome—a hidden observatory shown to him by His Holiness when he was a young boy. The view is breathtaking; you can see the whole city bathed in golden light, the inky blue darkness above cut by the silver caresses of the moon. You turn to Patrick in complete awe and could hardly articulate how beautiful the view was. He pulls you close to him and whispers that he would be happy if he could never see this view again if it meant he could spend the rest of his life with you. You turned to him, overwhelmed with love, your breath hitching at the significance of his words. He then knelt down before you, taking your hands in his.

“Y/F/N Y/M/N Y/L/N, of all the blessings God has bestowed upon me, none is more precious than you. From the moment I first laid eyes on you, I knew that we were meant to be together, in this place and time.” His eyes were sincere and insistent, his tone earnest as he held your hands tighter and continued: “My mind told me that we could not be together, that my vows of celibacy and chastity forbid this. But my heart tells me that if a love so pure as ours exists, is it not a gift from God, meant to be treasured? And though I may not deserve to understand, all I wish to know and feel is my love for you.” His eyes shone softly with tears.  

“Y/N, my love, will you make me the happiest man on Earth and spend the rest of your life with me? Will you be my wife?”

X = Xylophone (What’s their song?)

Patrick loves the ancient hymns from the early days of the Church, their melodies hauntingly beautiful yet powerful. “Ave Maria” also has a special place in his heart after he heard you singing it softly to yourself one evening while preparing dinner.

Y = Yes (Do they ever think of getting married/proposing?)

Every day! Patrick is so torn between the duties of his priesthood and his intense longing to spend the rest of his life as your husband. He prays to God often about this personal conflict, but finally decides to propose to you before Him alone, indifferent to anyone else’s judgement.

Z = Zebra (If they wanted a pet, what would they get?)

Because Patrick is so easygoing and affectionate, he would do really well with dogs.

Tag: @lemairepstuff @seraferna

[tommysparker]

Black & White: Chapter 1

heyyyy sorry this is a little late, had to make some last minute editd but I hope you enjoy :)

Warnings: like one no-no word, incorrect representation of religion, bad hindi (i used google translate bc I dont really know hindi so Im sorry if i did it wrong blame google)

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                                                                                                            “Forever?” 

                                                                                                             “Forever.” 

                                                                                                           “Promise?” 

                                                                                                      “... I  promise.”

Tom gasped as he stirred awake. What the hell happened?

He could still feel the burn on his wings but didn’t have the energy to lift his head and check. The dull ache in his head was an unfamiliar feeling, for it wasn’t from pain but something he knew not how to describe. 

His vision came slow, but he could make out a couple of things through the mess of blurry colours. 

The walls were stone, with scriptures in an unknown language carved along the edges. There were more engravings, almost like pictures. There was one image that stood out, however, the one that stared right back at him. 

The illustration was of a man, but no man that Tom had ever seen in his life. This man was painted blue, with four arms, and sat on top of what appears to be a bull. He held something that resembled a whip in one hand, and a weapon of some sort in another. What in God’s name is that thing…?

“His name is Yama.” 

Tom jumped at the sound of another voice in the room, his eyes scanned frantically for the source, but finding no one.  

“He is the God of Death and Justice,” the voice continued. It was familiar, he’s heard it before. 

God of Death and Justice…? How can that be? He thought to himself, or maybe out loud because the voice responded. 

“Things are different here, Angel. Think about it, the entity that deals with all the souls infected by bad karma serves justice by forcing them to spend eternity down here. Get it?” 

His head continued swinging back and forth, desperate to locate the place the mysterious wind was whispering in his ears, while also processing what this voice was telling him. Perhaps, the Justice in the name is justified, but one thing still confused him. “There is only one God?” 

“For you, maybe. But for many of us, we have many, thousands even. It gives me a headache just thinking about it.” 

Tom felt a hot breath against his neck and flinched, whipping around to find nothing but a blank wall. He turned his head again, only to be shoved back by a gust of dust. His arms flew across his face to protect his eyes, and once the wind had died down he slowly removed them, but soon regretted the decision after seeing what stood in front of him. 

“What’s with the face, pretty boy? You aren’t happy to see me?” She mock-pouted, wings stretching as she stood tall at the foot of the bed. “C’mon, the least you can do is thank me for allowing you to sleep in my bed, as opposed to the rocks we have in the dungeons.” 

Looking around him, only now realizing exactly where he was. The lit candle holders that lined that were installed strategically, the closet wardrobe that sat on the side of the room, tables and chairs placed accordingly, but most importantly the blood-red mattress he sat upon, a silk canopy above him, the pillars that seemed to be carved out of cold. 

The angel tried to scramble away but winced when he moved to use his wings. He carefully spread them out, wrapping his wounded feathers around his front. The marks the rope had left were indented by a red line of irritation. A small whimper escaped his throat, which didn’t go unnoticed by the Queen, who stood and watched the whole moment. 

All she could see was red, those fucking idiots! 

Now was not the time to get mad, not in front of him at least. She would certainly be paying a visit to a certain bone-head or two. “You’re hurt.” 

Tom looked up from his burn and towards her face-- avoiding eye-contact of course. Instead of the usual stone-cold expression he had seen during their last encounter, he was met with a look of sympathy...and perhaps worry? 

“Allow me,” she reached forward, stopping short when the angel flinched back. “I’ll make it better, just trust me.” 

The divine-being studied the she-devil for a moment, making the reluctant decision to let her do whatever it is she wishes to. He doesn’t know why, but a small voice was telling him it was going to be okay, the same voice that told him to ask if she was alright the first time. 

The Rani waved her hand over the wound, a small black glow emitting from her palm, before disappearing, along with any trace of the marks. “There, good as new.” 

His eyes widening, Tom watched as the magic healed his pain. He opened his mouth to thank her when he realized what kind of magic had been inflicted upon him. Dark magic.

“It’s nothing that will cost your holiness, just a very simple healing spell any person who possesses mystic abilities would have learned.” 

Silence fell between the two mythical creatures, one pondered his thoughts, the other studied the white figure with intensity. 

“What do you want from me?” The angel finally asked. It was straight to the point, the sooner he could get back to heaven and jump into a bath of Holy Water the better. 

“You are very special, my little Angel. I just don’t know why...yet. So ‘till I do, you are staying here-- close your mouth I’m not finished speaking. Good. As I was saying, you’ll be staying here with me. Now you can either stay willingly, or you can resist and have your wings fed to my demons. The choice is yours.” 

There were a lot of things to process. Tom would rather keep his wings attached, and he could always try to escape at night. With his wing fixed, how hard could it be? Sure, he may not have had magic like some other angels but he had confidence. All you have to do is retrace your steps back to the gate...easy right? 

However, something about her made him almost want to stay. Her authoritative persona was no-doubt appealing, and the way she called him her Angel sparked a feeling he has never experienced before. 

She stood patiently, awaiting his answer although she had a pretty good idea what it would be. Reading minds comes in handy with these types of situations. 

“O-okay… I’ll stay.” After weighing out the pros and cons, he decided the best thing he could do was stay for now, and either pray the Angels will send someone to rescue him or he could escape on his own. 

“Wonderful,” She grinned, canines bared. Her teeth were as sharp as a wolf’s, with fangs like a vampire.  

Tom tried to avoid looking into her eyes, but he could see the small glow emitting from the area. Is that normal? 

A quiet knock caused both heads to snap towards the entrance. A frail body with a bull’s head stood, head slightly bowed and hands folded in front of their chest. 

“M-Maharani, हम अभी भी प्रतीक्षा कर रहे हैं…” The man spoke, a hint of fear in his voice as he addressed what Tom assumed was the woman in front of him, though he had no idea what was being said. 

The Queen nodded once, “हम जल्द ही आएँगे.” She turned towards the angel, smiling again but this time it was different. There was no wolfish grin, instead, she wore a soft beam that highlighted her cheekbones. 

“So, you hungry?”

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हम अभी भी प्रतीक्षा कर रहे हैं  = “We are still waiting” 

हम जल्द ही आएँगे = “We will come soon”

Feedback is always welcome! 

B&W Taglist:  @rebekkah4766 @greenorangevioletgrass @allegra-writes @soraitmnt @worldoftom @farfromparker @averyfosterthoughts @parkerpeter24 @angel-spidey @naztheapprentice 

All Taglist: @god-knows-what-am-i-doing​

[deehollowaywrites]

Title: Doomed to Fail: The Incredibly Loud History of Doom, Sludge, and Post-Metal

Author: J.J. Anselmi

Release: February 11, 2020

Genre: music, nonfiction, memoir

Order here!

When I first heard Metallica’s “Battery,” I knew I’d found the real shit, J.J. Anselmi’s newest states in an early chapter. The social alienation, the depression, the anger, and the preoccupation with death: it was the music I needed, right when I needed it. Similar stories abound in volumes like Jon Wiederhorn’s Raising Hell and a recent academic anthology of gender, sexuality, and heavy metal analyses; the typical pathway to extreme music, it seems, is youthful aggression, disaffection, or malaise. It’s not very cool to recall that your teen rage was tempered rather than catalyzed by religion. Even less cool to admit that if you are currently swimming in doom’s murk, you only took the chilly plunge because of boys and men. 

A few antecedents, then: The Minutemen. Captain Beefheart. Def Leppard. The Mars Volta. 

Edgy enough, weird enough, almost metallic enough, nearly harsh enough. It’s easy to see the slippery slope, to hear my mother’s voice in my head. If that’s what you want to spend your money on, she said of The Mars Volta’s full-length debut, I guess it’s your money. A year or so later, she would be interrogating me about certain media downloads to the family desktop--not because I was infringing copyright via poorly-labeled LimeWire files, but because the music was the sort that drove away the Holy Spirit (to be fair, Master of Puppets didn’t inspire any epiphanies). Mormons are very concerned with the Spirit’s presence. Movies and music are the fastest and most seductive shortcuts to becoming lost in a mire of worldliness, spiritual miasma, and sin. Interestingly, my mother was less perturbed by my weekly emails to a much-older dude I’d “met” on a geek forum, he of the curly beard and Captain Beefheart appreciation. For a suburban teenage girl reading SPIN in 2003, music in particular seemed a clear Point A to ineffable cool’s Point B, as evidenced by--although at the time I wouldn’t have phrased it thus--fuckability. Whiteboy music journalists, from Klosterman with his contrarian hair metal love to Azerrad deifying The Minutemen, had Ideas about what made rock music good. It was a trail of breadcrumbs that could be followed by anyone, so maybe I’d start off as me and end up as Brody Dalle. Of course, wanting to be punk is proof that you're destined to remain square, so the guy in the homemade Leftöver Crack t-shirt likewise stayed a mystery. Meanwhile, I made a fansite about The Mars Volta for my web design class, wrote an AP essay about why filesharing is good, actually, and counted the days ‘til graduation.

Euro-style power metal is romantic. Good make-out tunes. The fine art of getting into something that someone you fancy is into, well, that’s bog-standard for a huge swath of humanity and I’ve never been above it because I do like exploring new things. However, there’s a certain flavor of man who encourages women to listen to music he likes not out of genuine enthusiasm and desire to share, but because filling up a vessel with water from your spring means that you, yourself, will never be thirsty. There’s no rearranging of boundaries necessary for the recommender, no exchange of gifts, no call to reassess your favorites in light of new information. Where things get hairy is when women take what is conferred and make it their own. The vaguely fringe music that had already primed my eardrums led away from flourish-laden prog and high-camp power metal, into weirder and uglier places my boyfriend at the time had no interest in traversing. It stings a bit to realize that your heart is big enough to hold all the loves that comprise the person you love, that your desire is malleable and open, and that they have always been enough by themselves, fully-formed, unswerving as a highway through the desert. It hurts to hear that you’re not doing the thing (metal or comics or horse racing) in the way that was shown you, properly. This might be when the rage starts to seep back in, poisoning the spring. But solo concert-going is only lonely until you make it past the venue’s threshold. After that, the Spirit is always with you.

Myself, I’ve seldom found the divine in places it was supposed to inhabit.

The thing about The Mars Volta that embedded itself in my ribcage seventeen years ago wasn’t their tight jeans: it was how they seemed to have misplaced all their fucks. Prior to Sacha Jenkins’ 2003 SPIN review, the ugliest thing I’d sought out of my own volition was an Anti-Flag album, a suitably edgy move in George W. Bush’s America. Deloused in the Comatorium did not care if you understood what it was going for; an impetus existed behind the unexpected time signatures, dog-bothering vocals, and salsa moves that was alluring in its opacity and bloody-mindedness. A bunch of weirdos recorded a fuck-you in album format because they wanted to. Atmosphere, emotion, tension could all be far more important to a song than melody or lyrics. Listenable was up for debate. Art formed its own excuse. In this way, although the two groups couldn’t be further apart sonically, my heart was made ready for Katatonia. Then Oceans of Slumber. Torche. Black Castle, Thou, Bell Witch, Cult of Luna, on and on, an endless sinkhole opening up. 

A great and appealing contrast of doom metal lies in the apparent dumbassery of its sound. This is broadly true of all metal, of course; Coal Chamber or Megadeth, Black Sabbath or Pantera, metal was music for drop-outs, stoners, school shooters… the purview not only of miscreants, but of boys and stupid boys at that. Punk seemed the smarter option, if you had anger issues, had heard of feminism, or tended toward hobbies like trying to form a Young Democratic Socialists chapter at your school. For older me, trying to rewrite a religious mind into a liberal and cosmopolitan one, prog metal was defensibly slick and impressive, while power metal seemed less openly hateful toward women. All the while, doom lurked beneath layers of nay-saying. Adult men I’ve known, talented guitarists with good ears and smart hands, have sneered at all the seeming lack populating the slower subgenres--lack of beauty, skill, or even aggression in its most recognizable and masculine forms. Yet, for a listener whose favorite pastime is intellectualizing everything in sight, doom is the other side of the sun. 

I don’t… really… understand what a tritone is. I know it’s important, and I could do a bad approximation of the opening of “Black Sabbath,” but definitionally I’m at a loss. Often I have no idea which instrument is making the sound that I like. I don’t know anything about music theory or how to talk with authority about what makes music good, important, or even what differentiates music from other sounds. Maybe a drone metal track is a collection of sounds, rather than a song? My Dream Theater-enthusiast ex figured since I was a nebbishy bespectacled geek, prog would be all I needed. The thinking man’s metal! No one has ever felt threatened by Steven Wilson. You can remain Smart™ while listening to assorted finger-wanky Europeans. In contrast, kicking it with a Texas weed-cult at the skatepark is stupid. Obviously, every genre of metal contains its geniuses, and one of doom’s most lovable qualities is how often unquestionable finesse arrives wrapped in brutal, bizarre, counterintuitive paper. But beyond the plausible deniability of technique and philosophy found in groups like Neurosis is something even more compelling. Sometimes, it just fucking sounds cool.

It sounds like that because someone did it intentionally, gleefully. I wrote a novel like that because I liked how it looked, sounded, felt.

One of the birthrights of normative (white, cis, straight, abled) masculinity is feeling. If you turn out queer, or are socialized as female, or live with the massed connotations of a racist culture written over your skin, overt and violent emotion may be anathema. The power of accessing a fully human emotional spectrum for the first time should not be underrated. The doom bands I grew into loving, independent of the people closest to me who putatively liked similar music, are into feelings. Even, or maybe especially, the ones authority figures wish you didn’t have (and those aren’t always the bad ones. Authority hates it even more if you feel good). If there’s a thing Mormons don’t countenance, it’s feeling bad things and informing people of them, or feeling the wrong good things. Doubt is a big no-no. It’s always better to feel shame when possible. If the Spirit isn’t telling you what you know it should, it’s on you for not listening enough, praying enough, being enough. If the Spirit’s voice isn’t soft and gentle, if it instead materializes in the best growl this side of Obituary, well, Satan quotes scripture too. Meanwhile, doubt--lack of clarity, spiritual and emotional murkiness, bone-deep ambivalence--is doom’s molten heart. Meanwhile, shame--at the self’s fondled hatreds, as C.S. Lewis has it, for things desired and things questioned--is shunned by doomsayers.

The body experiences advance warning. Fury, fear, arousal. Sure, I attribute my openness toward weird music to frustrated teen lust. Sure, I owe Roy Khan and Tony Kakko for first love and redrawn horizons. When fire dies, what’s left is not absence but ash, fertile and generative. Doomed to Fail recognizes that continual plumbing and revolving in uncertainty for its beauty and possibility. Whatever formed my rage and love, those two sides of the same forbidden coin, they belong to me now. 

[dailyaudiobible]

06/17/2019 DAB Transcript

1 Kings 18:1-46, Acts 11:1-30, Psalms 135:1-21, Proverbs 17:12-13

Today is the 17th day of June. Welcome to the Daily Audio Bible. I am Brian and it's great to be here with you, great to be here with you today as we settle into the flow of this week out in front of us, kinda get back to work and move through the middle of the month here. So, we began reading from the Amplified Bible yesterday because it was the beginning of the week and some pretty monumental things going on in the Scriptures. We met Elijah the prophet in the Old Testament and in the New Testament the apostle Peter had seen a vision, had been summoned by a Gentile Centurion, he has gone into the house of a Gentile, which is…which is frowned upon at best, and he has seen the Holy Spirit fall upon Gentile people, which is messing with him pretty good and is definitely going to mess with the early church as we will see going forward. In fact, it's so monumental, this shift that's taking place, that it it's going to change everything. And it'll take some time, we’ll see this over the course of Paul's writings and so forth. So, we’re gonna be spending some time with this sub theme before us. But let's not get ahead of ourselves. We are right here, right now and the Scriptures are going to lead us today in the next step and the next step will take us into first Kings chapter 18.

Commentary:

Okay. So, in the book of first Kings we’re seeing why Elijah is a famous prophet now, and we’re seeing the power of God that's being displayed through him, especially here at this show down on the top of Mount Caramel with the prophets of Asherah and Baal versus basically Elijah, the God of Israel. And, so, when we saw this dramatic story…I can read this story now and see it so vividly in my mind because we've been to the top of Mount Carmel so many times and just exploring this story. I mean, it would seem like the stories over, right? The prophets of Baal and Asherah, they’re no longer with us. The people's hearts have turned back to God and God is now sending rain on the land. So, it would seem like end of story, good job, but it's not the end of the story and it's got a bizarre twist to it and we’ll get to that tomorrow.

Then in the book of Acts, I mean I’ve said this a couple times as we've gotten into this story, that these are fundamental formation things in the early church that are taking place that affect us until today. And that's not an understatement in anyway. You see the Peter was in Joppa and then he went down the coast to Cornelius's house where the Holy Spirit fell upon a Gentile family and they received the Lord and they were baptized in the name of Jesus. Once Peter got back to Jerusalem and the mother church, right, the Jerusalem church, there were plenty of people going, “wait…wait…that's against the rules. We don't do those kinds of things. We don't associate with those kinds of people. We don't want those kinds of people in our church.” And we might think, “well that stuff doesn't really happen these days” but that's not true. It happens all the time. I was talking to a pastor friend the other day who was helping strategize for another church who wanted to plant a sister church, plant a new church in a different part of the community and he was basically just saying, “your strategies fine, but you have this beautiful building you are using for two hours a day, one day of the week basically and why…like why wouldn't you plant the kind of community you're wanting here in this beautiful building.” And he said one of their deacons was like, “because we don't want those kinds of people in our church.” I was surprised that would be spoken out loud in that kind of environment, but this kind of stuff happens all the time. We segregate ourselves into like-minded people where we can all be right, and we can all convince each other that we are right. And, so, Peter’s coming back to the Jerusalem church with information that is absolutely and completely disruptive because now Jesus, the Hebrew Messiah that they are believing in that He came and offered them new life and hope for the people, well now this isn’t exclusive. Now this is open to all of the world, whereas originally the people were thinking, “well, Jesus was Jewish and he taught the Torah and you follow the customs. He certainly critiqued the religion without a doubt, but he was never saying like you shouldn’t be Jewish or Hebrew, I mean, like you shouldn’t do this anymore. He was just unveiling how it had gotten sidetracked and He was setting things right, but we were never thinking like everybody in the world could get in this.” The first believers in Jesus were Hebrew people who were following a Rabbi. They were following his teachings. They were following the Way. They were processing His critique on their traditions and their rituals and their religion. They were following the Way. They weren't leaving one faith and converting to another faith. And, so, for Gentile people to begin to convert or follow Jesus teachings without first converting to Judaism was messing with their minds and we will certainly see how this plays out, but we will eventually be able to see how this faith in Christ that was borne out in this little patch of land within a Hebrew context grew to become far and away beyond the Hebrew context and it is largely made up of Gentile people. We’ll see this story before our eyes and the implications of it because there are significant implications for us to examine today and we’ll be examining this stuff for the rest of the year whenever the Bible brings it up. And it brings it up often.

Prayer:

Father, we thank You for Your word. We thank You for bringing us into this new week. We invite You fully and we see that there is disruption happening in Old and New Testaments and we realize that disruption is a part of life. And, so, Father help us this week that as we are disrupted, before we immediately label it a bad thing, help us to take a breath and to consider, “Are You in this? Are You shaking things up? Are You pulling us forward?” Come Holy Spirit we pray. As You did on the family of Cornelius, fall upon us we pray in Jesus’ name. Amen.

Announcements:

dailyaudiobible.com is the website, its home base, its where you find out what’s going on around here. And there's always something going on around. So, be sure to stay connected.

Connect with each other on social media. You can get all of the links of different social media channels and groups and stuff at dailyaudiobible.com in the Community section. The Prayer Wall lives there as well and there are people praying for each other and asking for prayer continually. It’s a great place to connect.

If you want to partner with the Daily Audio Bible, you can do that at dailyaudiobible.com. There is a link, it lives on the homepage. Thank you for your partnership, profoundly, with all humility. If you’re using the Daily Audio Bible app, you can press the Give button in the upper right-hand corner or, if you prefer, the mailing address is PO Box 1996 Spring Hill Tennessee 37174.

And, as always, if you have a prayer request or comment, 877-942-4253 is the number to dial.

And that is it for today. I'm Brian I love you and I'll be waiting for you here tomorrow.

Community Prayer and Praise:

Hi DAB family, It’s James here from the UK. Haven’t called in for a while but just coming in this morning. Heard the prayer request from Marcella from Brisbane. And Marcella you really touched me, you really triggered something in me that just compelled me to call in. I heard in your voice the burden that you’re carrying right now and the financial hardship that mentioned that you’re facing into. And there’s a few things that just really triggered in me, things that I wanted to convey to you. And I think this is the Spirit’s work. Marcella, you talked about starting afresh, and I know that right now that is very hard thing to contemplate. What the future looks like is really uncertain and as a provider, as a man, there is a burden on you regarding your family and how you’re going to care for them. And you need to know that God is going to care for you Marcella, that God has got plans for you and that when you start afresh and when you start to move into this new space, albeit that it’s going to be a painful process to go through, He will provide riches that you’re not…you’re not envisioning right now. It might not be financial riches, but they will be things that you can’t comprehend at this moment in time. And I just needed you to hear that Marcella. Thank you so much for your call and I’m praying for you.

Good morning brothers and sisters in the Lord. Thank you so much for your continued faithfulness and praying for each other. This is Southern Belle from Canada. My children who farm have been living in a drought the summer and it’s ironic that the people in the states in the Midwest who are drowning in mud and up here in Canada we are dry as can be. I’m asking for prayer for them. They are so fragile in their relationship due to extended circumstances with my daughter who passed away and they’ve been looking after for her estate for four years already and an abusive ex-husband that my daughter had and the children and the estate. I just don’t even want to go into it, all the convoluted mess of it all. But my son and daughter-in-law with three children of their own who are trying so hard to be faithful in their walk with the Lord and they try putting the seed into the ground and we all know what it’s like to put seed in, into our lives and to not have anything come from the fruition with it Lord. I just pray in the name of Jesus that You would send rain for their crops, that You would protect their harvest and that You would bring it to such an abundance that they wouldn’t be able to realize it. Not only my children God but for all the farmers out here in Midwest Canada. And Lord, for all those around the world God who are facing their own drought whether spiritually or relationally or whatever. We need You Jesus to be in our life, we need You to pour out Your rain. Come Lord, fill our hearts overflowing that we would reflect You, that we would be faithful regardless of the circumstances. And I pray for…

Hi, my name is Roslyn. I live in Louisiana. I have a very, very important prayer request. This is my first time to ever call and I’ve been listening since 2006. But we have a newborn, she was born a little bit early. And this week she was picked up. An ambulance came from Vanderbilt to take her up there to do heart surgery. And they couldn’t do it until she weighed 4 pounds. And she’s at 4 pounds right now. So, I’m just praying that everybody that listens to the DAB would pray for Willow. And thank you so much. I love you all. I listen every single day and I’m not going to mention any names but everybody that calls in on the prayer request, your prayers are heard and I’m sure a lot are answered in some way or another. Thank you so much for praying for Willow and I love you all. Thank you, Brian and Jill. And it has been wonderful to have this, and I hope…and I told my Bible study teacher that people around the world would be praying for Willow. Thank you so much. Have a good day. Bye.

Hi everyone, it’s Doug from Alabama. I meant to call in the past several months because it’s been a while. I always have that urge and then for some reason I don’t. But I’ll go ahead and get to the point because I only have my two minutes here. Please keep me in your prayers as far as my mental health. The last two or three months, I’m not sure if it’s because I haven’t been really sleeping well or what, but my anxiety has really just been through the roof. I’ve been having a lot of anxiety, __ attacks, I think that’s really what it is. I’ve just been really sensitive the last couple months. I’ve been trying to get into see a doctor. My psychiatrist had to cancel for an appointment on Monday because he had to go to back to India where he’s from. So, I can’t see him for a few months and I have to make a separate appointment to see a new therapist, which is money I really don’t have. So, there’s a lot of different things. I’ve got a bedbug infestation too. And, so, I wonder if that’s why I’m not sleeping very well and maybe that’s the root of it, but please just keep me in your prayers as far as my mental health because there are some days I feel like I’m going crazy, where, you know, I feel like I just need to be locked up in a room __. And also a couple of other points. Please keep me in your prayers as far as jobs because I’m extremely burned out at this current job I work at. I work as a donation tenant for a food store. So, I sit outside in the heat all day and take donations and it’s very lonely. And I haven’t really been able to handle the heat well. And, so, I’m still looking for a job too and I feel like a job would really help me. __ about up here. So, I really appreciate all your prayers. I listen to all of yours and I try to pray…like when my mind allows me. So…

[frmartinshomiliesandreflections]

18th November >> Fr. Martin’s Gospel Reflections / Homilies on Luke 19:45-48 for Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time: ‘The people as a whole hung on his words’.

Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

Gospel (Except USA)

Luke 19:45-48

You have turned God's house into a robbers' den.

Jesus went into the Temple and began driving out those who were selling. ‘According to scripture,’ he said ‘my house will be a house of prayer. But you have turned it into a robbers’ den.’

   He taught in the Temple every day. The chief priests and the scribes, with the support of the leading citizens, tried to do away with him, but they did not see how they could carry this out because the people as a whole hung on his words.

Gospel (USA)

Luke 19:45-48

You have made it a den of thieves.

Jesus entered the temple area and proceeded to drive out those who were selling things, saying to them, “It is written, My house shall be a house of prayer, but you have made it a den of thieves.” And every day he was teaching in the temple area. The chief priests, the scribes, and the leaders of the people, meanwhile, were seeking to put him to death, but they could find no way to accomplish their purpose because all the people were hanging on his words.

Reflections (10)

(i) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus speaks of the Temple in Jerusalem as a ‘house of prayer’. We think of a house as a place where a family gathers. The Temple was the place where the family of God’s people gathered for prayer, whether it was the prayer of petition, of thanksgiving or of intercession. Every parish church could be described as a house of prayer. It is a place where the family of God’s people gather to pray. In our prayer, as Christians, we recognize the God to whom the Jewish people prayed in the Temple as the Father of Jesus and we recognize Jesus as God’s beloved Son. We pray to God our Father, through Jesus, in the power of the Holy Spirit, whom we recognize as the Spirit of both God the Father and God the Son. When we gather in this house of prayer, we do so as family, as the family of faith, recognizing ourselves and one another as sons and daughters of God, brothers and sisters of Jesus and temples of the Holy Spirit. Even when we come into the church on our own, we are always conscious of the other members of our family of faith and of the human family, and, indeed, the family of all God’s creatures, all God’s creation. In the house of prayer, which is our parish church, as in every house of prayer, we open ourselves up to God present to us through his Son and the Holy Spirit. As a result, we are strengthened in our identity as sons and daughters of God, brothers and sisters of Jesus and temples of the Holy Spirit. We leave this house of prayer empowered to live out of that identity more generously and courageously.

And/Or

(ii) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

In the gospel reading we have just heard, Jesus firstly drives all trade out of the Temple area and then he proceeds to teach there every day. According to our reading, the presence of Jesus in the Temple met with a divided response. The religious leaders, the chief priests and the leading citizens who were responsible for the running of the temple wanted to do away with Jesus. In contrast, the people as a whole hung on Jesus’ words. A few chapters further on in his gospel Luke describes the crucifixion of Jesus and once again he makes the same distinction between the religious leaders and the people. He tells us that as Jesus hung from the cross the leaders scoffed at him, whereas the people simple stood by watching and after Jesus died they returned home, beating their breasts as a sign of sorrow and repentance. Luke makes it clear that the religious leaders were much more hostile to Jesus than the people as a whole because Jesus was perceived by them as threatening their vested interests. They had something to defend against Jesus whereas the people as a whole knew they had much to receive from Jesus. They somehow recognized that God was visiting them in a special way through Jesus. They had nothing to lose and everything to receive from Jesus. This morning we are invited to stand with the people in hanging on the words of Jesus, and, like them, we too beat our breasts as we look upon the cross of Jesus, recognizing that we have not always lived by his word or walked in his way.

 And/Or

(iii) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

In the gospel reading this morning, Jesus drives all trade out of the temple, so as to purify it for the worship of God alone. The temple was to be a place of worship and prayer but it had become something else. The buying and selling of the market place had intruded into the temple and had undermined the temple’s primary purpose as a house of prayer. The temple no longer exists but there are still houses of prayer. Our church buildings are houses of prayer. We all feel that we have a very special house of prayer in our own parish church. It is a place of worship, a space into which people can enter to pray and to worship God. Everything in the church is to serve that purpose, the art work, the lighting, the decor, the furniture. I have always felt coming into this church that it is a place where people have been praying for a very long time, as indeed they have. The bulk of the church goes back to the late 1830s. People’s prayer over the generations leaves its mark on a building and makes it easier for us to pray. Our prayerful presence here, in turn, leaves its mark on the building and makes it easier of others to enter into prayer, including those of the generations to come.

 And/Or

(iv) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

In this morning’s gospel reading Jesus shows his displeasure at what is happening in the Temple in Jerusalem. Instead of serving its original purpose as a house of prayer for everyone, it had come to serve the interests of a few. Every human institution needs ongoing reform and renewal, and that includes religious institutions, like the church. The Lord is always prompting us to reform and renew our institutions so that they serve God’s purposes more fully, rather than our own purposes. No human institution, no matter how revered, is perfect; it will always be in need of renewal, because it will always be shaped by people who are tainted by sin. What is important is to acknowledge this in an ongoing way and to be open to the Lord’s call to repentance and renewal. This was not the case with those responsible for the Jewish temple in Jerusalem. After Jesus’ actions in the temple, the gospel reading says that the chief priests and the scribes tried to do away with Jesus. To resist ongoing renewal is to resist the Lord. Our journey towards God, both as individuals and as communities, will always involve repentance, a willing to keep on turning more fully towards what God wants for our lives.

 And/Or

(v) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

In today’s gospel reading Jesus refers to the Temple in Jerusalem as a ‘house of prayer’. The primary activity of the Temple was to be the activity of prayer. However, other activities had taken over and become more important than they should have been, such as the selling of animals for sacrifice, the exchange of coins, all of which could have been done outside the temple precinct. Jesus’ identification of the Temple as a ‘house of prayer’ is appropriate for every Christian church building. The primary activity of this parish church, and of buildings like it, is the activity of prayer. Every other activity is secondary and should, in some way, be at the service of the primary activity of prayer. Everything in the building should be at the service of people’s prayer such as the lighting, the furniture, the art work, whether it be in the form of statues, paintings, mosaics or stained glass. Our purpose in coming into a church is to pray, and to pray in the whole variety of forms of prayer that have evolved over the centuries within the Jewish and the Christian tradition, the prayer of petition, of contrition, of praise and thanksgiving, of intercession, the quiet prayer of attentive listening. All those forms of prayer have their place within the great prayer of the Eucharist. If this parish church is a ‘house of prayer’, then its primary purpose is to help us to become a people of prayer, in the way that Jesus was a man of prayer. In becoming people of prayer we open ourselves more fully to God’s purpose for our lives and for our world.

 And/Or

(vi) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus, quoting one of the prophets, speaks of the Temple in Jerusalem as a ‘house of prayer’. Prayer was to be the primary activity of the Temple. However, in Jesus’ day certain economic activities had become so important that they had gotten in the way of the Temple being a house of prayer for everyone, including non-Jews. Jesus is suggesting that the Temple had lost its way; it was no longer serving God’s purpose but was at the service of various human purposes. We can all lose our way. We can all end up serving our own purpose rather than God’s purpose. This can happen not only with individuals but with institutions, even institutions as sacred as the Temple in Jerusalem. Every so often we need to hear a prophetic voice calling us back to God’s way. For us as Christians, the most authoritative prophetic voice is the voice of Jesus which we hear above all in the gospels. We need to keep returning to his voice, to his living word, as it comes to us through the Scriptures, so that we can live our lives in keeping with God’s purpose. Every parish church, like the Temple in Jerusalem, is a house of prayer. It is above all in that setting that we can prayerfully listen to the word of the Lord addressed to each of us individually and to all of us as members of God’s people, the church.

And/Or

 (vii) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

According to our first reading, it was on the 25th day of the Jewish month of Chislev that Judas Maccabeus and his associates purified the Temple in Jerusalem which had become contaminated by pagan images and practices. This happened a little over 150 years before the birth of Jesus. The 25th of Chislev remains an important feast day for Jews today. It is usually celebrated in November/December, the Feast of the Rededication of the Temple. In the gospel reading Jesus is also portrayed as purifying the Temple in Jerusalem. On this occasion it wasn’t pagans, non-Jews, who were responsible for the unsatisfactory state of the Temple, but other Jews, in particular, the priests who were responsible for the Temple. They had allowed people to sell goods in one of the courts of the Temple, the court reserved for non-Jews. As a result, non-Jews could not pray in the area reserved for them. The Temple was meant to be a house of prayer for Jews and non-Jews. Jesus saw that the Temple was not conducting its business in accordance with God’s purpose. It had become, according to Jesus, a ‘robber’s den’ rather than a ‘house of prayer’. According to Luke, Jesus had referred to the Temple, when a twelve-year-old, as ‘my Father’s house’. Jesus, the Son of God, acted authoritatively to purify and renew his Father’s house.  Every institution stands in need of continuing renewal, including religious institutions, of which the most sacred in Jesus’ day was the Temple in Jerusalem. The church, likewise, is always in need of reform. We who comprise the church are always in need of the Lord’s reforming and renewing zeal. It is a seal that is born of love, because the Lord wants us to become all that God desires for us. Each day we try to open ourselves anew to the Lord’s continuing work of renewal in our lives.

 And/Or

(viii) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

The prophet Malachi in the Jewish Scriptures had written, ‘the Lord whom you seek will suddenly enter his Temple’. The scene in today’s gospel reading where Jesus enters the Temple is the fulfilment of that prophecy. Earlier in Luke’s gospel, the twelve year old Jesus had spoken of the Temple as ‘my Father’s house’. At the beginning of today’s gospel reading, Jesus quotes God’s word as found in Isaiah, ‘my house will be a house of prayer’. The Temple, God’s house, was to be a place of prayer. Jesus, God’s Son, acts authoritatively in God his Father’s house, because far from being a house of prayer it had become a ‘robbers’ den’. Buying and selling, the making of money, had become a higher priority than prayer. Those responsible for the activities of the Temple saw it as a resource that could serve their own purposes, rather than a place that was to serve God’s purpose. It has been said that Jesus comforts the afflicted and afflicts the comfortable. Those whose management of the Temple had left them comfortable were now experiencing the disturbing side of Jesus’ words and actions and, in response, Luke says that ‘they tried to do away with him’. Yet, the people as a whole, Luke tells us, ‘hung on his words’. We are invited to stand with the ordinary people in hanging on the Lord’s words. The Lord’s words bring light and life, love and mercy, into our lives, healing our wounds and restoring our spirit. Yet, there are times when we will also experience his words as disturbing our comfort zones. At such times too, we need to hang on his words, because, even then, the Lord’s words remain words of spirit and life for us.

 And/Or

(ix) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

Religious buildings can be very significant for people. Parishioners have a great love for our parish church. A lot of work is being done at the moment to conserve and restore the fabric. The most important religious building for the Jews in the time of Jesus, and before his time, was the Temple in Jerusalem. It had been profaned by the pagan rulers of Judea about 150 years before the coming of Christ. Today’s first reading is the story of the Temple’s joyful rededication after the people of Israel regained control of it from the pagans. In the gospel reading, Jesus recognizes the value of the Temple, declaring it to be a house of prayer. Perhaps that is a good description of our own parish church, a ‘house of prayer’. However, Jesus could see that the focus of the Temple was no longer prayer but various commercial activities, and, so, he drove out from the Temple all who were selling. There is a little warning there to us also. We must be careful that prayer remains the focus of our own church building and not some commercial activity, no matter how well intentioned. This building is about the work of prayer, the prayer of the liturgy, the Eucharist and other sacraments, the prayer of the church, the praying of the rosary, the private prayers of people who come into the church, often expressed through the lighting of candles. When we are entering this church, we are entering a house of prayer and the focal point of that house is the presence of the Lord in the Eucharist calling us to prayer. In this place, we open ourselves to the Lord in prayer so as to be better able to bring the Lord to those we meet when we leave this house of prayer.

 And/Or

(x) Friday, Thirty Third Week in Ordinary Time

In today’s gospel reading, Jesus refers to the Temple of Jerusalem as a ‘house of prayer’. He clearly felt that some of the other activities that were going on there were working against it being the house or place of prayer that God intended the Temple to be. Every parish church is a house of prayer. We gather in our own parish church, during normal times, to pray together as a community. People also come into the church during the day for their own personal prayer. I have been struck by the numbers of people who have been coming to our church to pray during the day in recent weeks and months. There is no other building that could be described as a house of prayer, a place whose primary role it is to support people in prayer. We need such spaces in our busy world with all its many activities. It is said in today’s gospel reading that ‘the people hung on the words of Jesus’ as he taught in the Temple. Our parish church is also a place where we hear the word of the Lord, whether listening with others as that word is proclaimed in the setting of the Eucharist and other liturgical settings, or whether we reflect on the Lord’s word to us quietly and alone. I sometimes see people with the Missalette for the following Sunday praying quietly on the word of God. We come into a house of prayer like this to pray and to hang on the Lord’s word, so that we can go out to witness to the Lord’s love and presence with greater energy and courage. That pattern of coming in and going out is at the heart of our lives as the Lord’s disciples, coming in to pray and going out to live what we have prayed. This parish church, this house of prayer, is at the service of this important pattern in our lives.

Fr. Martin Hogan.

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Mental Health Hospitals Aren’t Filled with the “Criminally Insane”

https://reignagameofpower.com/2018/05/30/mental-health-hospitals-arent-filled-with-the-criminally-insane/

(Trigger Warning: Discussion and pictures regarding depression/suicide)

Take it from someone who knows. Something I’ve never quite liked about this community is these “asylum challenges” for Sims who are deemed “insane” or otherwise mentally ill. The hospital I was in, wasn’t run down, didn’t have cheap furniture, there was no one holding me against my will, etc. And often the people who were fellow patients were rich, did have aspirations to further their already prominent careers. There were people from all social classes and walks of life. And no one was outwardly would one would think of as “insane”. It could be your kindergarten teacher, a councilperson, a stay at home mother, anyone. Those are some of the people I met.

It’s one thing when you’re looking at it from an entertainment standpoint, not ever truly knowing what mental health/behavioral health hospitals are like, but for those who’ve been in that situation the severity of an illness that incapacitates millions of people every day. May is Mental Health Month. I’ve always tried to inject parts of myself and life experiences into my stories and characters, no truer example of that is when I wrote for Apollonia De-Sai, mother of my protagonist Reagan Leeds in my first Sims story.

Apollonia, like a lot of black women, came from an environment where mental illness was looked as a taboo and not openly discussed within the black community/family. She’s a woman who came of age in the 80s and had her children in the 90s when we still didn’t talk about these issues. Sure, with newer generations, younger people are more open to discussing mental health disorders, but there is still a significant stigma attached to it. A lot of people are ashamed to admit they’ve dealt with depression, suicide attempts, cutting, etc. I have gone through all of that. I’m not incredibly young, I’m an 80s kid and didn’t get proper help until I was 24 years old.

When I wrote Apollonia’s first POV in 2014, I went back in time to her birthplace in Trinidad and Tobago and her journey to the United States in the late 80s. Apollonia had dealt with anger problems and unbeknownst to her, depression for years. But she like a lot of people believed that having depression or anxiety automatically meant one was crazy. She didn’t “seem” depressed. Apollonia didn’t get any help until she overdosed on pain medication and ended up in a mental health hospital; even then it wasn’t easy for her to accept she had an illness. She was already well into her late 30s by then.

I wanted to present that part of Apollonia’s POV from the most honest place I could, from personal experience. Maybe her stay at a behavioral health institution in Queens, NY wasn’t as exciting as being strapped down in a straight jacket. It didn’t contain scenes from ‘One Out of the Cuckoo’s Nest,’ but rather it was more of a serene and therapeutic environment, based on my firsthand account of being an inpatient. I have no shame in telling people that, and I’ve been open about that part of my life for several years now.

Since it is Mental Health Month, I wanted to reshare some of the scenes from chapter 39 of Reagan Leeds: Run The World.  Apollonia also “wrote” an article (What No One Told a Lil  Black ‘Ting About Depression and Suicide) for S.H.E magazine several months ago about her experience and journey dealing with mental illness. You can check that out here. I’m a mental health advocate, and I have at times consulted with my brother a psychiatrist for his perspective as a professional for my story.

Thank you, as always Happy Simming -Camille

Excerpt from chapter 39 ‘Apollonia’

After being in this shitty apartment over the last few years, it became clear, that my career would never get off the ground in the way I hoped. Constantly being turned down for every good part I auditioned for began to take its toll on me. I kept hearing in my head, my mama’s voice: you’re just a little black ‘ting from an island country…you’ll never be famous, Apollonia. I tried shaking my head as hard as I could, unable to get her voice out of there. I watched the heavy dark rain drops fall over New York City. If I can make it here, I can make it anywhere. Well, apparently that wasn’t true for me. I failed miserably.

The last few years seemed to go by in a blur. It was as if only yesterday, I moved to the Bronx. I packed my clothes one night, got a taxi and left my children. Reagan and Kennedey are in college by now. It’s not like I don’t ever think about them, I do. Knowing Reagan, the only thing about college, she was enjoying was the partying. Kennedey, is loving to learn as much as she can and probably taking on way too much for herself at once. An overwhelming sense of shame and guilt came over me. I slumped down to the floor, holding my head.

What kind of person am I? How could I do that? How could I leave my own children behind? I asked myself. For what purpose? My dreams did not turn out the way I envisioned when I got here. Silly and foolish I am to even believe in dreams. For one glimmering moment, I thought I had a small chance to live the life I set out to live when I first came to this country. Never again, Apollonia, never again.

I grabbed a bottle of vodka and stretched out on my bed. I don’t usually go for hard liquor, but wine wasn’t going to cut it tonight. I didn’t bother mixing the vodka with anything, I just took it to the head. I looked up at the peeling paint on the ceiling and the bad speckling job I did when I first moved in. I glanced around the apartment. What a dump. My house in Miami may have not been the biggest or the nicest, but it was clean and I lived in a good neighborhood. I couldn’t say the same now.

This couldn’t be life. Of the three books I took with when I left Miami, Reagan and Kennedey’s baby books, I also brought my Bible with me. I don’t really know why it’s been years since I’ve read it. There was a time I looked to the Scriptures for strength and encouragement, but I began to reject it the more my parents told me to give up everything I loved and focus on the Bible. In many ways, they ruined it for me. Every time I tried reading Matthew chapter 6 or the or Psalms, I kept hearing Daddy say: Prayer and supplication, prayer and supplication, Apollonia. You must pray and do things the way your mama and I tell you.

I sometimes looked in my Bible when my girls were younger and I thought to myself, maybe God doesn’t like me, maybe His word isn’t for people like me. Perhaps He knew my faith was never as strong as it needed to be. He looked inside and could see how selfish I was. ‘I am searching the heart, examining the kidneys, even to give to each one according to his ways.’ I recall thinking, God knows I’m no good. I looked over at the numerous prescriptions on my bedside table. I had muscles relaxers and pain medications from my workouts and auditions. I never liked taking medication, but these days, I could barely get out of bed without popping one because of all the pain I was in.

All of this thinking about my children and how it is a very real possibility that God sees me as wicked made very uneasy and anxious. I felt scared. Scared of what the rest of my life would bring me. Afraid that nothing would ever be right again. I didn’t feel happy. That wasn’t anything new, I couldn’t remember the last time I felt happy. Not when I married Raymond, not even when I gave birth to my children. Anything my family has ever said about me inevitably became true. I wasn’t anything. Nothing Apollonia De-Sai ever did would matter in this world. If I died tomorrow, none of my family would know about it. I go by my Nani’s maiden name, Alexander. No one in New York knew I had children or where I came from.

Reagan and Kennedey were going on with their lives, but there was no doubt in my mind they both hated me. I was their mother, but I wasn’t there for them. I never told them I loved them. I abandoned them to live out some stupid ass fantasy as a famous dancer. What a joke I am. I opened the bottles to my Soma and Oxycontin, popping first just a few of each in my mouth. I took another swig of the vodka to wash the medication down. Within in minutes I began to feel very relaxed.

I grabbed the vodka and the rest of my Oxycontin. I got up from the bed and staggered over to the sofa. I felt hot and thought lying on the floor would cool me off. I opened the bottle back up and spread out a number of pills on the rug. I had every instinct to put every last one in my mouth. I couldn’t think very clearly about anything, except for the pain I felt inside. I reached for the vodka again and accidentally knocked it over. Nothing spilled from it, I didn’t realize I drank it all.

If there was ever a time for me to talk to God, it would be now. I didn’t ask for His forgiveness or the forgiveness of my children, no I simply begged to not wake up. Please just don’t let me wake up. I don’t mean anything by this, I’m just tired. So, so tired.

My stomach lurched and began feeling queasy. I managed to pull myself up from the floor and slowly drag my feet to the bathroom. I’ve never felt so sick in my life. Maybe if I threw up everything, I wouldn’t feel so bad. To this day, I don’t remember what happened when I made it to the bathroom that night.

I didn’t even remember how I got back into the living area. The only reason I know I passed out by the sofa, is because my neighbor, Laura found me. She later told me, she banged on my door before discovering it was unlocked.

Laura immediately called the paramedics and off I went to the ER. I’ve had low points in my life before, but I will always look at that time as the lowest in my life. Seeing how my kids grew up and knowing I have a grandbaby makes me thankful every day I didn’t stay asleep for good. I don’t know, maybe God was watching me and maybe He did hear my cry.

**********************************************

I don’t remember much about the night of my overdose. I barely remember being in the hospital and getting transferred to Flushing Meadows Behavioral Health, which is a mental health hospital out in Queens. My mind was still very foggy the morning I woke up in the hospital.

I set up on my bed and looked across the room. I got in late last night and went straight to sleep. Now, as I looked around the room, I could see that there was another bed in there, but I didn’t have a roommate. Thank goodness, because the last thing I wanted, was for some weirdo invading my privacy. This is such bullshit, I thought. I’m the last person who needed to be in a place like this. I wasn’t some ‘psycho’. I looked down at what I had on. How did I get these clothes? They were mine and then I remembered Laura coming to the ER with a bag of my stuff.

I got up, showered, and brushed my teeth. I had no idea what to expect when I walked outside of my room, but I could imagine it would be very much like ‘One Flew Over The Cuckoos Nest’. After I dressed and ate breakfast in my room, I was told to see the nurse at the nurse’s station. I had no idea what the hell she could want, but I needed answers. I needed to know how to get out of this place.

“Good morning, Apollonia. How are you feeling today? Any thoughts of harming yourself?” asked the Nurse, who I referred to as Nurse Ratchet. “Excuse me? What the fuck kind of question is that? You don’t know me,” I replied, completely offended. Nurse Ratchet looked slightly confused. “Uh, I have to ask you if you’re having any thoughts of harming yourself,” she repeated. Again, I had no clue as to why this stupid woman would be asking me that.

“Of course not! Why would you ask me that?” I demanded. “Well, Apollonia, we are required to ask the patients questions about their symptoms, what brought them here. You came in because you tried to harm yourself. Now, again, I need to know if you have any of those thoughts right now. Also, how is your depression and anxiety today?” she asked. I shook my head, still unable to understand what these questions could possibly have to do with me.

“Like, I said before, no I don’t. I didn’t try to “harm” myself for your information. Neither do I have depression and anxiety. Where are you hearing this bullshit?” I asked. “It’s right here in your chart. The doctor in the ER stated you were suffering from both depression and anxiety. The same doctor wrote orders for you to be treated in this facility because you overdosed on pain medications and vodka,” answered Nurse Ratchet, matter-of-factually. “I’m only saying this once again. I am fine. Who the hell do I see about getting out of here?” I asked. “That’s not up to me. You have to see Dr. Parsons first. He’s your assigned doctor and should be making his rounds shortly,” she replied. “Fine,” I said and walked off.

I started to head back to my room, and contemplate what my next move would be, when I was summoned to a small conference room to meet with the inpatient psychiatrist. “Good morning, Apollonia. I’m Dr. Parsons, I’m the doctor you’ll be seeing while you’re here in the hospital. First, let me ask, how are you feeling today?” he asked , staring at me from across the table. “Fine,” I replied, flatly.

“Are you having any self-harm thoughts?” he asked. “No,” I replied, starting to feel more irritated by the second. I watched him jot a couple of things down on his pad. There wasn’t anything remotely interesting about the man. He’s obviously a super boring person leading a mundane life. His questions to me, seemed as if he were just going through the motions, like he’s asked these same questions hundreds of times in the past.

I asked Dr. Parsons when I would be able to go home, to which he could not give me a definite answer. For someone who went to medical school and made good money, he certainly did not have too much to say. All he did was ask me about my personal history and what led to me “wanting to harm myself.” I swear, the next person who makes that assumption is going to get a fist to the face. “Look, like I told that dumb nurse out there, there is nothing wrong with me. I had a backache the other night and I drank a little too much, okay. Don’t assume that you know me, because you don’t,” I snapped. Dr. Parsons didn’t seem to take my combativeness too seriously. He made a couple of more notes and told me of the drugs he was prescribing for me to take while I was here.

*************************************

I left the conference room as soon as I had finished talking to the doctor. I went out into the common area and grabbed a book to read. I couldn’t tell you what it was about. I just needed to get my mind off the fact that I was in a place like this. I sensed someone watching me and looked up. “Hi, how you doin’? Mind if I sit down?” asked the man. I shrugged, indicating that I didn’t care one way or the other. “I’m Maurice,” he introduced himself. I rolled my eyes and didn’t respond.

“You gotta name?” asked Maurice. “Yes,” I replied, dryly. “Well, what is it?” he asked. I sucked my teeth, it was obvious this foo’ wasn’t going to leave me alone. “Apollonia,” I said. “Like Apollonia from ‘Purple Rain’?” wondered Maurice. Was this guy serious? “I was in high school when that movie came out, so no,” I snapped. “For real? Damn you look, hella young,” responded Maurice, in surprise.

Since I had nothing better to do, I listened as Maurice told me the reason why he was in the hospital. He had a problem with alcohol and checked himself in here a few days ago. He wanted to know if I’d been to any groups, to which I told him and that I didn’t plan to. I admitted the reason these people said I needed to be here. “It’s such crap. I never had any mental problems before. These assholes only want money from me,” I complained. Maurice claimed he knew how I felt, but said I should try one of the groups. Apparently it looks good for you if the staff and doctors know you’re participating in different activities. I had no desire to sit around a room with strangers and share my personal business.

Nevertheless, I took Maurice’s advice and went to the next group therapy session that started. I came in and sat down, half listening to the mumbo jumbo the group therapist was talking about. He talked to the group about common behaviors and self-destructive patterns people tend to have. I looked over at the other patients, who eagerly shared their own experiences. I found it very crazy, pun intended, perfect strangers would talk about various symptoms they have, what mental illness they suffered from, and their experiences with drugs and alcohol.

As silly and close-minded as I was at the time, I didn’t believe I had anything in common with these people. One of the women talked about how she heard voices and saw hallucinations. What the fuck kind of shit was this? Another lady said she’s been a cutter for over ten years and this was her seventh hospitalization. I shook my head, I couldn’t relate to anything these folks were talking about. They’re the kind of people who need to be in the hospital, not me.

The group therapist, whose name was Jon, turned his attention to me and asked what were some patterns I’d seen in my past and how did I deal with my depression in the past. He made himself seem very friendly and like he had the ‘right’ to ask me such intrusive questions. “I don’t have any patterns cause I don’t have depression,” I replied. A sympathetic look spread across Jon’s face. “Apollonia, it’s perfectly fine to be open in group. Anything we say in here is confidential. Don’t be afraid to open up,” urged Jon.

“Look, do you see my face? I don’t give a damn if this is confidential. I don’t know you people. Spare me with this psycho bullshit, okay?” I said. “Apollonia, it’s not bullshit. These groups are designed to help you,” countered Jon.

I hastily stood up. “Fuck out of here with all of that. Where I come from, we don’t stay high on Prozac. You can keep your little American Psych 101. I’m not here for this,” I said angrily and walked out the room.

*************************************

More than anything, I began to feel very frustrated while I was in the hospital. How the hell did I get here? When I thought about what life would be like for me, I never imagined this. I didn’t think I could get any lower than this. Over the course of the next few days, I continued to be defiant with the hospital staff. Maurice said I only made things worse for myself. He advised me that I needed to tell the doctor and nurses what they wanted to hear. The longer I put off participating in my “therapy”, the longer they would try to make me stay. Even if I petitioned to sign out against medical advice, the hospital could petition the court to make me stay here. I didn’t feel like going through such a hassle. I decided to play nice and be a good girl. I didn’t share in the groups, that I refused to do, but I made myself go to a few and answer the nurses and Dr. Parsons’ questions without an attitude.

After ten days, I was told I could go home. The hospital social worker set me up with a therapist to see as an outpatient. I acted as if I would go, but really had no intention of talking to some stranger about my personal business. I had bigger problems, Laura called me and said I’d been replaced at the bar for missing so many days. When it rains, it pours. Now I had no job and no income. My little savings were just about gone. This couldn’t come at a worse time. Before he left, Maurice gave me his contact information. Desperate, knowing I couldn’t afford to keep my apartment, I took him up on his offer to come and stay with him. If I’d known back then what I knew now, I would’ve stayed under a bridge than live with Maurice. I rue the day I ever met that son of a bitch…

You can read the rest at Reagan Leeds: Run The World

[dalet-us]

Why Singapore?

My dear friend,

     You may be wondering why I chose to start the quest in Singapore.  It’s a good question, and, truthfully, I am not exactly sure why I did.  It was the first city that came to my mind, but I honestly did not think that it would be the ultimate selection for the start and end point.  It really was the providence of God.  I have a good friend of mine who is a commercial airline pilot, who flies to Singapore on a regular basis, and he has shared many stories, pictures, and text messages from and about Singapore.  Additionally, when I went to the RSA conference last year, I spent quite a while at the Singapore booth, learning about the city/nation. As time has passed, the advantages and benefits of starting in Singapore continue to multiply.

    For some reason, it reminds me a bit of the way that my wife and I came to a decision to marry.  When I first met her, she made it abundantly clear to me that she was not interested in getting married to anyone, at any point in her life.  At the time, I was not especially concerned about that statement. She seemed to be genuinely interested in me, and it was no more than a couple of months later before we had established a solid monogamous relationship.  Then my father passed; I was working 65+ hours/week non-stop, after which I started up my own business.  Before I really knew what happened, we had been together for about three years, and I started thinking to myself, “I really do want to get married someday!”  With that self-realization, I had to seriously consider why I was still dating her. I thought to myself, “If she never wants to get married to anyone, perhaps, I should end our relationship, so that I can begin looking for a woman who does want to get married and raise up a family?”

    However, I was too busy with life, and our relationship felt far too comfortable. Therefore, we continued on like that for another year or more.

    Then one day, out of the blue! … she asked me when we were going to get married! … as if we had already made the decision to do so!  I did not take her seriously.  I thought she was pulling my leg!  But she kept at it!  After a couple of months, it was quite obvious to me that she was serious.  What had made her change her mind about marriage? I was mystified!  Moreover, I did not know what to do.  I never said “no” to her, but neither would I commit to it. Therefore, she took it upon herself to begin planning our wedding.  She planned and arranged everything: the church, the preacher, the reception hall, the catering, the dress, the flowers, the invitations, and everything that goes with a proper wedding.  She even enrolled us into the engaged couples class, required by the hosting church that we had been attending more frequently.  (… another mystery to me.  Why had she suddenly taken such an increased interest in church?)

    It was a bit amusing that we were the darlings of the engaged couples class. All the other members of the class were more established and involved in the church than we were, but they all struggled with the exercises that we did in the class.  My fiancée and I breezed through everything!  We were the perfect couple in their eyes.

    What they did not understand is that I had been struggling with my decision to commit to her in matrimony.  I took the matter very seriously.  I was not about to commit to a life-long relationship until I was utterly convinced that I would be faithful until death do us part.  At that point in my life, I was not especially sure of myself.  I did not want to sin against her, nor did I want to sin against God.

    I did not have a very close relationship with my Lord and Savior at that stage of my life, but I had begun to spend more time in the Word of God and also in prayer.  It helped me immensely!  It took about six months, but God lead me through this difficultly.  He showed me that I would be able to stay true to my wife, if I put my trust in Him.

    (It is a bit silly of me.  I was spending more time in the Word, but a sizable amount of that time was spent studying the Book of Revelation.  This is something that a lot of people do.  It is not especially constructive.  You see there are about ten major themes of prophecy running throughout the Bible that all terminate in the Book of Revelation.  In order to understand these ten themes you must have read most all of the 65 books of the Bible that come before Revelation. Otherwise, you will not have a complete understanding of these major themes, and Revelation will not make any sense at all.  That is not to say that I did not get anything out of my time reading Revelation, but I would have learned a whole lot more if I would have started at the beginning of the testaments.

    However, I the Spirit of God did teach me!  I was diligent in the matter of prayer.  I always prayed before I began to read the scriptures.  You may recall that I told you about this before. The Bible is a supernatural book. The words on the page are written with ink, but when we read those words, we are only reading a translation. The true words of the Bible are living words.  They are spiritual words.  They can only be understood through the Spirit of God.  Anyone can read the Bible, but no one can understand the true living words of God without the Spirit.  It is the Spirit of God that teaches us to understand the truth in the Word. This is why we must always pray and ask God to show us the truth. This is a prayer that anyone can make to God, saved or unsaved.  If you are earnest and genuine in your desire to know the truth, God is faithful to answer your prayer … every time!  God will always honor that prayer, without fail!)

    Although, it took me six months to get to the point where I was prepared to ask God the right question, He gave me the answer immediately upon asking. The very next day I went to the jeweler and ordered the wedding ring for my fiancée.  Unfortunately, I did not receive the ring as quickly as I received my answer from God. I had to endure one more weekend of engaged couples classes.  I knew the time would come when we would have to exchange stories about how the groom proposed to the bride.  Sure enough, that next Friday evening we did that very thing.  When it came time for me to speak, I wanted to crawl into a crack in the ground!  What could I do?  I did not want to spoil the moment that I had planned in order to propose to my love.  All I could do was to keep my mouth shut, as she explained to our peers that I had yet to propose! Everyone was in shock and amazement!  How could it be that the darlings of all the couples not be settled in their decision, just three weeks before the big day?!

    Nonetheless, I was true to her, and I always have been.  Through untold trials and temptations, God has always kept me from going astray.  When I finally did receive the ring from the jeweler, I made a proper proposal to her … one that will not be forgotten!  Amen!

    The start of any great journey is always important.  If we neglect to look to God from the very beginning, it is more likely than not that we will start in the wrong place and/or at the wrong time. The reason why is that we can devise the most elaborate and sound plan of attack for whatever it is that we set out to do, but it is God that will ultimately determine the final outcome. Moreover, if we attempt to do anything without consulting God, we are essentially working against Him.  His ways are so much higher than our own, we could never hope to understand what the best plan for anything is going to be. His ways are always better than our own.

“A man's heart deviseth his way: but the LORD directeth his steps..” – Proverbs 16:9 KJV

“For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts.” – Isaiah 55:9 KJV

“There is no wisdom nor understanding nor counsel against the LORD.” – Proverbs 21:30 KJV

    How could Joseph have ever known that it would be the greatest blessing in his life that his brothers sell him as a slave to the Midianites? But by the infinite wisdom of God, it was!

** Children of Jacob sell his brother Joseph, Konstantin Flavitsky, 1855

    Having said these things, I must admit that I am not 100% certain that Singapore is ultimately where God wants me to begin my journey.  However, it certainly seems to be the way that He has led me, up to this point.  The import thing is that I have to keep looking to Him to provide the direction. After all, if I had, at any point, taken my eyes off of Him, I would have never made it this far along.  I would have never considered this quest to be taken seriously.  I would still be trying to figure out a way to get the truth of God to the door of your heart. I would have never believed that this was the way to do it.

    It is true that Singapore seems to be positioned in an ideal location for this journey.  I would have to go out of my way to avoid it, no matter where I started from.  Singapore is also a hub for high-tech.  There is an excellent opportunity to manufacture most everything that I need to build for the quest, right there in Singapore.  The primary language spoken there is English. It is situated right on the upper edge of the Java Sea, an ideal body of water to begin my journey. Most of all, however, it appears to be the place where God wants me to begin. That is all that really matters.  Because, if the door of your heart is the final destination, I need to make absolutely certain that I am starting in the right place.

Love Always,

Dale 😊

** The well protected and warm waters of the Java Sea (w/ Singapore in the very upper left corner)

Read this post on my own personal blog Website dalet.us

©2021 Dale Trussell

[bldgrelationshipwgod]

Do you thank God indeed? | Jerusalem Assembly [Nov.12/19]

How are you this morning? No really, how are you? It’s a question we often ask one another, just as a greeting, but there is a question of evaluation.

In English we often say how do you do? How are you? In Hebrew we only ask: What is your shalom? How is your peace? How is your peace with GOD?

How is your peace with family? with neighbours?

So this morning, I want to focus on actually (not just saying it as a phrase of greeting) but actually asking: How are we? How is our peace w/ GOD/family/neighbours?

>> Let’s ask GOD for help with that (prayer).

LORD we thank you for this privilege to get together with these dear people on this Sabbath morning. And we ask for the help of your Holy Spirit, that You will turn our attention to You.

That YOU will open the eyes of our hearts to see the Scriptures.

So we can look in the mirror & fix what needs to be fixed. So that we can glorify You. In JESUS Name, Amen.

Who was here last week, put up your hands.

Okay I think most of you, so last week we heard from John Black about evaluation. It was mostly about: How do we evaluate ourselves?

The God Who Evaluates | John Black [Nov.4/19]

We also had communion, whenever we have the LORD’s Supper, we always talk about we need to examine/evaluate ourselves.

And as a continuation to that I really want to examine our spiritual states today.

Cause it is important to GOD, He wants us to be in a good place. We are His children; He loves us. We are called by His Name.

People can’t see GOD, but they are supposed to recognize Him in us.

So in what way & how can we measure our spiritual state.

You know people often care about their health, & they say the most important thing to have is your health; & it’s true that health is important, but spiritual health is even more important.

So w/ GOD’s help, I want us to go through a few verses that talk about examining our spiritual state.

Just like you can go to a doctor & have different types of blood tests that are meant to examine different aspects of your health.

We are not going through all the different tests, that you can do on your spiritual state. We’re going to focus on 1 specific point.             ________________________________________________________

The one I really want to focus on is the one about thanksgiving. Because one of the ways that a person can really examine their spiritual situation is: How much are you giving thanks to GOD?             ________________________________________________________

I want to say that again, one of the best ways to evaluate our spiritual state is how often we’re giving thanks to GOD.

Is giving thanks to GOD something that defines you? If it does, then great, thank GOD. Continue to do that, it brings Him glory.

If that is not what defines you, then we need to find the reasons. And we need to see what we can change. I have heard of ppl who pray: GOD may You plz give me a thankful heart. GOD has already done everything, so we can have such a heart. >> But it depends on us.

So I really want to focus this lesson on: being thankful to GOD. Am I giving thanks to GOD?            ________________________________________________________

1.] In order to do that, let’s start w/ how do we define THANKSGIVING?

   Then we will go through the Word of GOD, see how the Scripture teaches us    about this subject.

Why do we give thanks

How do we give thanks

When do we give thanks

   But first of all, let’s define it: What is thankfulness?    When we open a dictionary, it’s defined differently, but it’s often the    same principle.

   Thankfulness is the expression of the heart towards a good source.

   So by thanking, you’re not focusing yourself on the good thing, you’re    focusing on the source of the good thing.

   In the Hebrew, the word for giving thanks comes from the same root as the    word to confess. And that’s not a coincidence.

Because the meaning of confession is to clarify truth w/out trying to cover it.

   Thankfulness & confession have the same root in the Hebrew language.    So thankfulness is in a way: Recognizing the good deed/thing.    There’s even an expression that implies that in Hebrew.           ________________________________________________________

1a] Now let’s see how according to the Bible we define it.

   Thankfulness to GOD is to recognize from the heart that this is something that    comes from GOD, & to direct the thankfulness to GOD.

   Thankfulness to GOD is an expression of the heart towards the source of    the good while knowing that this source is GOD.

   We have defined what it means to be thankful & to be thankful to GOD.              ________________________________________________________

1b] And now we will ask ourselves why?

   Now about why, it is a big subject of course.    But I’ve summarized it to 4 different points.

   1st thing I want to say is: Thanking is to confess that this comes from GOD.    We can read this in James 1:16,

James 1:16-17 | Do not be deceived, my beloved believers. Every good & perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, with whom there is no change or shifting shadow.   

   If you are parents then you are always giving good things to your children.    But you notice that they don’t acknowledge that it comes from you, & that    they are not thankful. They’re ungrateful for anything you ever give them.

   They just take it for granted & just want more & more; you feel like there’s     something that is not okay there; like something that’s missing.

   This is especially if you have teenagers, who think they have a room that is    only theirs. When you’re actually the one paying the rent for it.

   This is mine! This is mine! But actually all that they have is from you.

   Now it’s easy for us to recognize this w/ teenagers, but    we are often the same towards GOD.

   Because everything good that we have in life, it comes from GOD.    And we often take it for granted.

   And GOD doesn’t want us to take it for granted.

Is it because He’s so egotistic & wants to hear our thankfulness to Him all the time? No, it’s because He loves us; & He knows it is good to give thanks to the LORD. That’s the next thing, He knows that us recognizing that this comes from Him & giving thanks to Him that it does good for us because we are created in His image. And it is s/t that is good for our being.

And as a saved people, even though we cannot walk next to Him like we did before the fall in the garden of Eden. We can still walk throughout our life with our eyes fixed upon Him. Knowing that everything good comes from Him, & being filled w/ thankfulness for that.

And you know in the secular world when they try to get GOD out of the picture. They try to do that in their own way. They talk about having positive thoughts (positive thinking). They say that if you suffer from depression that is something that will help. If you start to develop a habit of positive thinking. The problem is that’s only part of the truth. Because the most important element there is missing. >> What’s missing is thankfulness to GOD. ________________________________________________________

1c] That brings me to the 3rd point of why we need to be thankful.

   Because thankfulness leads to true & intimate    relationship w/ GOD.

   And it is a sign that you are saved.    Thankfulness to GOD is a sign of saving faith.

   I want us to turn to Luke 17:12-19, it’s a well known story about the 10 lepers.

Luke 17:12-19 | As He entered one of the villages, He was met by 10 lepers. They stood at a distance & raised their voices, shouting, “Jesus, Master, have mercy on us!” When Jesus saw them, He said, “Go, show yourselves to the priests.” And as they were on their way, they were cleansed.

When one of them saw that he was healed, he came back, praising God in a loud voice. He fell facedown at Jesus’ feet in thanksgiving to Him—& he was a Samaritan.

“Were not all ten cleansed?” Jesus asked. “Where then are the other 9? Was no one found except this foreigner to return & give glory to God?” Then Jesus said to him, “Rise & go; your faith has made you well!”

   Remember this story because we’re going to go back to it.    But I want to go back to this pt: Being thankful to GOD is a sign of saving faith.

   Because to this one leper who came back, only to him, Jesus said:    You are saved! Your faith has made you well. Your faith has saved you.

   A sign of good relations with GOD, good relations w/    JESUS, is that you have the Holy Spirit within you—    without that you don’t have salvation.

   Without that you’re not born again.

   So s/o who is filled w/ the Holy Spirit is also filled w/ thankfulness.

   In that context we want to read a few other verses.

Ephesians 5:18-20 | Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to reckless indiscretion. Instead, be filled w/ the Spirit. Speak to one another w/ psalms, hymns, & spiritual songs. Sing & make music in your hearts to the Lord, always giving thanks to God the Father for everything in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. I don’t need to add that much to it, whoever is filled w/ the Holy Spirit, s/he is also filled w/ thanksgiving unto GOD.

1 Thessalonians 5:16-19 | Rejoice at all times. Pray w/out ceasing. Give thanks in every circumstance, for this is God’s will for you in Christ Jesus. Do not extinguish (quench) the Spirit. WHY? Because it’s GOD’s Will; & bc it’s good for us.

4.] The fourth point: WHY to give thanks?      Is because giving thanks to GOD is a commandment.

     Not only in the NT, but also in the OT. Let’s look at Psalms 50:14.

Psalm 50:14 | Sacrifice a thank offering to God, & fulfill your vows to the Most High. The writer here is saying thanksgiving is like a vow you have to pay. A sacrifice of thanksgiving is when we are filled w/ thankfulness to GOD. We do it out of thankfulness to GOD.

What is your answer when s/o says, “How can I give thanks to GOD, if I don’t feel thankful? I don’t have this thankfulness in me.”

Giving thanks to GOD has nothing to do w/ your feelings. It shouldn’t be dependent on your feelings, to be more precise.

Thankfulness to GOD is a step in faith. Just like love & joy, ppl tend to connect these w/ all kinds of emotions. It’s true that it often comes w/ these emotions, but it is not dependent on our emotions. Otherwise GOD wouldn’t give us as a commandment. How can you command s/o to love [or to be happy / give thanks]? You would feel that it is artificial, but not GOD wants us to do these things no matter what circumstances we are in. We often look at the world through these filters (darkened glasses which Satan has put on us); we see everything in a gloomy light; everything is black or dark.

But GOD wants us to see things thru His perspective. Through the wonderful things He has already done, & the things He has promised.

Even if we can’t feel it with our emotions GOD wants us to recognize it. And in light of these things to proclaim these things comes from GOD & it is wonderful & we should give thanks to Him.

Because it’s true.

We can see throughout the book of Psalms, how the writers of Psalms & how they do it & GOD also fills them with joy.

The secular world (who don’t know GOD); they take GOD out of the picture & they encourage ppl to think positively.

GOD doesn’t always tell us to think positively, He tells us to look at the truth. The way GOD created it. And the things that are actually the truth.

Look at the truth of GOD, at the Word of GOD, & give thanks for that.

So why give thanks to GOD?

It’s for our own good.

It glorifies GOD.

bc it’s truth that we have so many things to be thankful for.

Before we come to the next question: What do we give thanks for? I’m going to stay on this 1st question of: Why give thanks?

I’m going to approach it from the opposite side.

[kiatastic]

Fall

The deep exhales of breath released from my nostrils became visible in the crisp, cold air around me. Tree branches hovered over my head as the sun filtered its beaming rays through hues of green, red and yellow leaves. Each step I took was followed by a crunch – the sound of fallen leaves under my feet. As beautiful as fall is, there is also a harsh reality:

When leaves fall, they die.

Similar to the pruning process autumn brings, there were leaves in my own life that had to fall while transitioning from the dorm room to the boardroom – habits, tendencies and character flaws that had to die if I ever wanted to grow. Moving away from Atlanta to start my career began as the loneliest season of my life. At the same time, it brought new opportunity to experience the Lord for myself, allow Him to change me and experience Him in new ways. Andy Mineo said it best in one of my favorite songs: 

“I was so far from home – and everything that I’ve known. But I got grown in that time alone and that faith became my own.”

I was an anxious college-graduate. Ready to leave those awfully flavored 5-hour energy shots behind me in the KSU Sturgis Library. Eager to box my work within the parameters of 8am – 5pm. Prepared for the ultimate corporate office slay! I was also entirely wrong to believe my most challenging years were behind me. In the words of my late grandfather Charles W. Little, "All your life you are a freshman". I was at the top of my game as a college graduate and at the bottom of the largest learning curve of my life – all at the same time.

Before starting my job I was required to make a pit stop at Indiana University for 3 weeks of training sponsored by the Company known as Immersion I. Think of it as an intense boot camp for rookies in Corporate America. I met all 150 of my colleagues in the Digital Technology Leadership Program from around the world including Brazil, France, India and Egypt – and they were truly the brightest minds I’ve ever met. Each morning began with a quiz on previously reviewed material. The remaining hours were spent in C# building our capstone applications – a language I did not learn in school. I seemed to be the only one starting from ground zero. While many of my colleagues could afford to go out at night after class, I expended several hours in my hotel room learning the very basics. 11:00 pm turned into 2:00 am. 2:00 am turned into 4:00 am. 4:00 am turned into resurfaced doubts as I reflected on all I accomplished in college. From being named a top 5 IS student to winning Miss Alpha South – I started wishing I were back at KSU.

Thoughts and feelings from the previous night lingered in my head the following morning as I talked myself into finally putting my feet on the floor… so much for ditching those artificially grape-flavored 5-hour energy shots. While eating breakfast, an email notification appeared on my phone titled “Short Daily Devotion” – a daily email I receive with a short scripture and word of encouragement. The Lord put my thoughts in check with Isaiah 43:18-19:

“Forget about what’s happened; don’t keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I’m about to do something brand-new.”

After all the Lord brought me through in college, I had not really learned to trust Him. It was obvious through my desire to retreat back to a season that presented more comfort – but the only place to fully blossom is in the soil the Lord chooses to plant us. That is where His grace and perfect will reside.

I walked back to my hotel room stiff as a board – the Lord had just snatched my entire life with one scripture. I approached my room and heard a voice singing, “You are the Living Word” by Fred Hammond. It was Rachel – another colleague from my Company. I said to myself “she MUST be a believer!” We ended up going out for Endless Wing Monday at a bar that evening. From that moment to this one Rachel has been one of my closest, dearest friends. I never expected to meet a colleague at work who was also a strong Christian. The Lord orchestrated our friendship in the time I needed it most.

Three weeks passed as boot camp came to a close. Aside from earning an A in my first graduate course, my group was awarded for having the best capstone project out of all 150 colleagues in the class. I reflected back on day 1 and remembered how intimidated I was by everyone around me. Since high school, I have always had an unhealthy habit of comparing myself to others. I habitually convinced myself that I was not smart enough, experienced enough or good enough to be among the best. The problem is – there is no win in comparison. When I compare myself to others and come out on top, it breeds pride. When I compare and come out underneath, it produces false humility. Both are wrong. There is absolutely no competition for your seat at God’s table. Only you are eligible for the plans the Lord has for you.

After leaving Indiana, I flew home to get my car and drove to my new home in Jackson, TN. The commute to work was about an hour. I spent my rotation delivering software solutions to bridge gaps in the manufacturing processes on the shop floor. Fresh out of college, I knew absolutely nothing about engineering or manufacturing IT. I had Google pulled up on every phone call to look up all the terms and acronyms I did not understand. I quickly got up to speed by enrolling in free SAP classes and setting up 1x1 meetings with electrical engineers. A typical day included walking the factory floor in goggles, steel-toed boots and earplugs – so much for that ultimate corporate office slay.

Outside of work, I spent most of my weekends alone. Jackson, TN wasn’t exactly overpopulated with young professionals. Solo movie dates and online shopping became regular weekend pleasantries. I needed to get involved with a church ASAP and find some less expensive hobbies. Upon my first visit to a nearby church the pastor told me Jesus Christ was not my savior because I had not been baptized specifically in their congregation. I left in tears – devastated by the twisted approach they taught on the Word of God. I learned that day how important is to know the Word for myself. That evening I went for a walk around my apartment complex saying “Lord, if you don’t lead me directly to a new church home… I think I’d rather attend Bedside Baptist! I cannot risk experiencing that again and I need your help. Show me what to do.”

The next week I was leaving the factory floor when a man named Andre noticed me. He introduced himself and said, “Hey, I’ve seen you around and heard you’re new in Tennessee.” I looked down and noticed a brochure he was holding in his hand. “I would like to invite you to my church, Historic First Baptist”, he continued. Immediately, I remembered my prayer to the Lord. Overwhelming joy took over my countenance as I replied, “You have no idea how crazy this is. I JUST prayed for a church recommendation on Sunday!” I met Andre and his wife at HFBC that Sunday. It was more traditional than I was used to – but Pastor Watson taught on the foundation of the Bible and that was most important to me. There was no time to waste. I joined THAT Sunday. Throughout my time in Tennessee Andre and his wife, Liakita were my God-sent blessings. They encouraged me to take the New Member’s class and introduced me to so many people there. My circle of friends outside of work was birthed at HFBC. They even encouraged me to grow in my relationship with the Lord. Although I wasn’t perfect with daily quiet time, I did my best to set aside Saturday mornings to pray and read my Bible.

One Saturday in particular, I spent my morning watching a sermon on YouTube recommended by my friend Gabby called “Five Keys to Finding Your Soul Mate.” I had my pen and notepad ready – finding bae was a priority on my to-do list. The pastor, Toure Roberts made an altar call for loneliness at the end of the sermon. To my own frustration and disappointment, what I took away from that sermon had nothing to do with finding bae. Instead, the Lord brought an ugly truth in me to light – a void of loneliness.

I never knew I was lonely because I often “talked” to guys I never had any business considering. To fix that the Lord moved me to a place where I had no choice but to “talk” to Him. There were no longer casual movie dates or “good-morning, beautiful” text messages to fill my void. I began to realize that “trying to fill an infinite hole with a finite thing or person only leaves an insatiable appetite that can never be fully and finally satisfied.” Any attempt to fill a God-sized void with selfish pleasures (no matter how harmless they seem) will fail every time. The Holy Spirit showed me that the part of my life I wanted to control was the part He wanted most. I paused the YouTube video while going into one of the most unorthodox cries I have ever had. For the first time I became aware of God’s relentless pursuit of me – and my half-hearted acknowledgement of His love in return.

“… Every man’s emptiness is nothing more than a hunger for God, masked by temporary pleasures. We always want more and more of it, because it will satisfy us less and less – until soon it does not satisfy us at all.”

I had tried several times to surrender my love life (or lack thereof) to the Lord – but never sincerely meant it. I regretfully acknowledge that He had to strip me of all options to win my undivided attention. “For the Lord, whose name is Jealous, is a Jealous God (Exodus 34:14).” In complete vulnerability and transparency with Him, His love ushered me into His perfect peace – a need for no one else but Him.

That same evening I received a FaceTime call from my close friend, Drew. Andrew became my go-to Alpha during my time serving as Miss Black & Gold at KSU. However, we became friends through a Bible study group the Lord led me to start during my junior year of college.  After expressing how much he valued our friendship, he shared that night that he had feelings for me he could not quite put his finger on. Immediately, I said in my head “Lord, you’ve got a serious sense of humor. I know I just cried my eyes out about being single – but this is not what I wanted. Drew is my friend! I can’t date him.” Still, I was pleasantly shocked to be pursued (for the first time) by a God-fearing man. I knew Drew personally as a friend for years. I have even tried to hook him up with a friend in the past! I told him I did not know how to feel about it. He assured me that if I did not feel the same way, he would still love me as a friend. Surely this man was from another planet. Never in my life had a man with such humility and Godly love approached me the way he did.

When it was time to wrap up my first rotation in Tennessee, Drew surprised me by driving to Jackson to help pack up my apartment. I told him my company was paying all the expenses for movers to come pack – but he insisted on coming anyway. He stayed in the hotel across the street and never insinuated wanting anything out of me. I became drawn to the sincerity and Godliness of his heart. Although I thought about him often, I knew the Lord was still working on me. I read a book called “Your Knight and Shining Armor” by P.B. Wilson. At the end of it I concluded I was not ready to date anyone – there were parts of me that needed work first. Drew and I remained friends for the next several months.

Two days before my rotation ended, I pitched out my final results from my rotation to several executives and business leaders. I made friends with so many people in the factory – they even brought in home-cooked dishes on my last day! I was thanked personally by the CIO of the business for going to work alone in a factory without any IT colleagues or mentors. It was an a-typical situation for someone new to the Company, but the Lord was my Source through it all.

In Tennessee, I learned that my weaknesses are the best platforms for God to teach me about His power. In Judges 7, the Lord commanded Gideon to slash his army down to 300 men before going into battle. It wasn’t about terrifying Gideon – it was about stripping away anything that could suggest that God was not the reason for his victory. These are win-win scenarios - the Lord is glorified and our faith is strengthened in the process.

As soon as I started to build my network, understand supply chain IT and become comfortable in my new city… it was time to do it all over again. One rotation down - three left to go. I packed the few remaining valuables from my apartment in my Honda accord and headed to my second rotation in Houston, TX. The autumn leaves had fallen, but a new season was on the way. Bundle up – winter is coming.

[johneburton]

It's Time to Start Scaring Visitors Away From the Church JOHN BURTON 4 MONTHS AGO - 14 MINUTE READ Many are working hard to attract the wrong crowd on Sunday—and the result is an Ichabod church. We soon won't be able to define going to church the way we do now. God is coming to reform, to crush structures of old for what is to be introduced very soon. Our call isn't to stand strong until the shift comes, it's to prophetically sound the alarm and awaken those at risk! God is coming! The force from Heaven, the celestial asteroid, is going to impact the Church, and most pastors and people will resist with everything that's within them. Man-made support systems will be removed. People's financial and relational structures will be threatened by this strange new spiritual invasion. The human wisdom and natural common sense that have been involved in the development of the current church structure will not be usable in the new. Those who walk by sight are in danger. ~The Coming Church, John Burton I've met countless pastors and others who say they are focused on revival, but who are misguided on exactly what it is. Their focus is on attracting people to the church, on people getting "saved" and on other church growth strategies. The problem? The foundational pursuit of revival has nothing to do with church growth or the lost. It has everything to do with the church awakening, contending in intercession and attracting the fire of the Holy Spirit. The lost didn't show up in the upper room. Marginal followers of Jesus were repelled by the upper room. Revival isn't marked by a full house. Revival starts in a room that reveals the remnant. The revival that erupted in that roomful of remnants resulted in explosive church growth and kingdom advance. Premature church growth will result in a multiplication of lukewarm, dead and dying people who have no idea what it feels like to have tongues of fire igniting over top of them. When the day of Pentecost had come, they were all together in one place. Suddenly a sound like a mighty rushing wind came from heaven, and it filled the whole house where they were sitting. There appeared to them tongues as of fire, being distributed and resting on each of them (Acts 2:1-3). Visitors Should Be Shaken by What They See in the Church. The pure Christian message of surrender, repentance, holiness, intercession and rescuing souls from hell has been replaced by a self-centered gospel that boldly affirms a focus on benefits without cost, on personal gain without sacrifice, on freedom without consecration. The Church has been unapologetically and boldly focused on how to have faith to receive while forsaking the call to have faith to give. The spirit of the age infiltrated churches long ago—and now, all too often, that demonic spirit is the primary counselor. ~The Coming Church, John Burton It's time self-focused, semi-interested people are no longer given the opportunity to demand what they are looking for in a church. It's time to close up the welcome centers and put away the welcome gifts. When presented with the unmistakable burning only a supernatural church can offer, their decision to stay or leave will be immediate. I've often said that one indicator of the Holy Spirit moving in power is that bystanders will do one of two things. They will either marvel or they will mock. They were all amazed and perplexed, saying to each other, "What does this mean?" Others mocking said, "These men are full of new wine" (Acts 2:12-13). When naturally minded people walk into a furnace of intercession, a place that is electric with supernatural activity, they should be radically unsettled, yet so many church assimilation teams today attempt to make the environment as familiar and comfortable as possible. I've often heard pastors admit they hide the pre-service prayer (for those who have pre-service prayer at all) in a side room instead of filling the sanctuary with groans of intercession because they don't want to freak out the soon-arriving visitors. I've heard that many, many times, and I was grieved every time. There are a few legitimate reasons why prayer might not work in the sanctuary prior to the service in some churches, but that's not one of them. If we are attempting to introduce people into the wonder of a supernatural encounter with Jesus, why would we, at the same time, work so hard at shielding their eyes? I propose bringing the fire and the groan right into the heart of the Sunday service. Those who remain will be the laborers you need to fulfill your mission. Many years ago, when I first started Revolution Church in Manitou Springs, Colorado, I worked hard at assimilating visitors. I would excitedly connect with them and share just how much they would enjoy making our church their new home. It didn't take long for me to start feeling like a used-car salesman: dirty, compromised. My strategy grieved my spirit. The truth was that our atmosphere and our vision were called by God to be driven by intercession and marked by a strong prophetic emphasis. The messages were intense. Revolution Church was not designed for those who would be marginally committed (as no church is}. The "Sunday go to meeting" Christians would, by choice, not remain for long. The reality was, that by attempting to attract those types of people, I was compromising the vision. The church needed the remnant who would lock in and pray, who would contend for revival and who would endure with great strength. A large group of non-remnant people would be a distraction. Years would be lost. Lives would be at risk. Eternities would be in danger. So, I shifted. I started literally trying to scare people away from our church. To the dismay of those who simply want to hear a little worship and listen to good (and short) teaching, services will become more like prayer meetings. This is one of the most critical and most upsetting shifts that will come–and it must come now. Today, most of the energy church leadership teams expend is usually on attracting and keeping visitors instead of training and engaging intercessors. ~The Coming Church, John Burton A Church on Fire America doesn't need another bed-and-breakfast church that comforts our flesh (our natural desires). Our nation needs a church with a volatile atmosphere that explodes, burns human flesh and shocks our culture. —The Coming Church, John Burton I knew we were called to lead a church on fire, and that just wasn't possible with tepid, resistant, lukewarm people. I know your works, that you have a reputation of being alive, but you are dead. Be watchful, and strengthen the things which remain but are ready to die (Rev. 3:1-2). I was confident that, if I clearly shared the wild, costly, other-worldly vision that God had given us, and how people at our church were called to invest into that vision, that those who would not be interested in such a lifestyle would not return. Understand, my invitation for them to run with us was genuine. Our door was wide open. When I say "I tried to scare them away" I mean I was simply authentic. I stripped off the suit of a salesman and shared my raw, passionate dream of God to advance with a team of zealots for Jesus. Such an invitation was all I needed to see who was deeply hungry for revival and who was not. I would do my best to help those people connect in another local church. I'd give them the names of some churches they might enjoy. While I truly wanted the very best for them, it always broke my heart when they decided against adopting a lifestyle of intercession and revival. That lifestyle is not for a specialized few. It's for all. This resulted in a confidence that those who remained were, in most cases, part of our remnant, firebrands who would dig in and assimilate with our tribe of revivalists. When you spend energy attracting the mildly committed, you compromise your entire vision. Simply, you need soldiers to become equipped and ready to lay down their lives and fight for the freedom of souls in the region. I believe it's core to the mission of the church to give opportunity for people to clearly evaluate their commitment and to give room for them to leave. The intensity of the truth demands it. We must call people out of a natural life and into the supernatural, out of a casual place and into radical surrender. It is the Spirit who gives life. The flesh profits nothing. The words that I speak to you are spirit and are life. But there are some of you who do not believe." For Jesus knew from the beginning who they were who did not believe, and who it was who would betray Him. Then He said, "For this reason I have said to you that no one can come to Me unless it were given him by My Father." From that time many of His disciples went back and walked no more with Him. So Jesus said to the twelve, "Do you also want to go away?" Understand, similar to the way Jesus ministered in the above passage along with other key examples in Scripture, the Upper Room served as a filter. It filtered out those who weren't radically devoted. Most were repelled by the call to pray. The agenda did not change in the hopes of assimilating more people. The disciples loved them as they went their way, and then they turned the world upside down with the few who remained as a result. What filters do you have in your church, pastor, to call people to a transparent, genuine place of soul searching and decision? You must start and continue with an Upper Room atmosphere and an offensive, flesh-crushing Gospel message. It's important to remember that the ekklesia, the church gathering, was not designed for the lost. So many pastors get derailed on this point alone. The church is a house of prayer for all nations. The predominant church activity should be white hot intercession with tongues of fire atop everyone, with groans filling the atmosphere. It's a remnant ministry. This call is for all who call themselves Christian. If you build a church with people who won't devote themselves to the prayer room, you build your church with those who are disinterested at best and lukewarm at worst. Your church will be a low-water-level church. It will be a place where the fire can't rage. It will be naturally familiar with distant, elusive, marginally supernatural dreams. Pipe dreams. Christians who aren't invested in fervent, supernatural prayer will be enticed by the natural familiarity of Ichabod churches (where the glory has departed). —The Coming Church, John Burton What About the Seekers? A question I hear from very good-hearted people is this: What do we do with people who are seeking? Do we just turn them away? We absolutely don't turn them away! We invite them into the furnace. We do not turn down the fire. We turn it up! Those who are hungry for God must not be introduced to a tepid, natural environment with an image of God that looks just like themselves. Reveal the glory of our mysterious, fiery, living God and watch them collapse to their knees in desperation. However, as I have stated already, many will choose to leave at the sight of something so alien and costly. That's a choice they themselves have a right to make. Again, we must faithfully reveal the cost of following Jesus. We don't come on our terms. We come on God's. Too many are interested in warming their flesh by the fire instead of their flesh being consumed by the fire. When he heard this he became very sorrowful, for he was very rich. When Jesus saw that he became very sorrowful, He said, "How hard it is for those who have riches to enter the kingdom of God! For it is easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a rich man to enter the kingdom of God." Those who heard this said, "Who then can be saved?" He said, "What is impossible with men is possible with God." Peter said, "Look, we have left everything and followed You." He said to them, "Truly, I tell you, there is no man who has left his home or parents or brothers or wife or children, for the sake of the kingdom of God, who shall not receive many times more in this age and, in the age to come, eternal life." Many will turn away sad. Even the most devoted will feel the severity of a life devoted to Jesus. They will cry out, "Then who can be saved?" That tension will result in a church that is sober and on fire and something that true seekers will give themselves to. Pretenders will certainly go away sad as the remnant church is revealed. My lifelong commitment in ministry is this: I refuse to tone down the activity of the Holy Spirit out of respect of those less hungry. That commitment requires everything I do to have the smell of smoke. In fact, pastors, one reason even the most devoted people aren't coming to your prayer meetings is simple—they are dead, humanistic and boring. They are logically driven. They are simply a rehashing of what the natural mind can discern. As someone who comes alive in prophetic, prayer-fueled environments, I aggressively avoid powerless prayer meetings that are driven by lists of needs and human understanding. I don't want my soul activated. I want my spirit to burn! I think tired, powerless petition-driven prayer meetings can do more damage than good much of the time. Do your prayer meetings have the smell of smoke? Are tongues of fire resting on everybody? If not, don't be surprised when the even the most devoted disciples are no-shows. We need a church on fire today more than ever. The lost are being introduced into lukewarm, natural, Ichabod religion instead of a supernatural shaking that can only come from the Great I Am. They are convinced they are saved as they are assimilated into a community of likeminded quasi-spiritual people who would love to see God manifest in their natural realm—yet have no interest in manifesting in the spiritual realm where the Holy Spirit broods. My challenge to pastors is simple: Risk everything. Allow your church to dwindle, if necessary, to a few remnant people who will live, pray, walk and advance in the Spirit. The world is waiting for them. You can download a free chapter and order The Coming Church by John Burton as at burton.tv/resources. This article originally appeared at burton.tv. John Burton has been developing and leading ministries for over 25 years and is a sought out teacher, prophetic messenger and revivalist. John has authored ten books, is a regular contributor to Charisma Magazine, has appeared on Christian television and radio and directed one of the primary internships at the International House of Prayer (IHOP) in Kansas City. A large and growing library of audio and video teachings, articles, books and other resources can be found on his website at burton.tv. John, his wife Amy and their five children live in Branson, Missouri.

[live4yahushua-blog]

Amightywind prophecy #94

Prophecy 94: I, YAHUVEH, Say, “Don’t Underestimate MY Anger for it’s been Building Up as a Raging Inferno”

Written/Spoken under the Anointing of the HOLY SPIRIT (RUACH HA KODESH)

Through Apostle & Prophet Elisabeth Elijah (Elisheva Eliyahu)

December 22, 2007; “Small Message” Referred to in Prophecy 93

This Word came forth because on the Sabbath, Elisabeth (Elisheva) was led to read Ezekiel, Chapters 9-16. She was also praying for a man she had seen in a dream a while back. The man called “Caleb” in this Prophetic Word is the man Elisabeth (Elisheva) had seen in the dream. He is distinguished by snow white hair without a line in his face. He has a smile that wouldn’t leave his face no matter what the soldiers did to him, meaning he was being tortured and starved. Also he wept, but nobody saw it.

In the dream Elisabeth (Elisheva) went to him. She just appeared to him. He had been praying and wore a prayer shawl. She gave him a little communion wafer, like unleavened bread. She said, “Don’t worry, I’m coming back and next time I’ll bring you more bread and wine.” The man loves YAHUSHUA. She knew he was in Jerusalem. He had a job where he needed to encourage others, thus, always the smile on his face—hiding his own personal sorrow and suffering for YAHUSHUA’S sake.

When Elisbaeth (Elisheva) awoke from the dream she was amazed at the love she felt for this man.

* * * * * * *

Below is the Prophecy as it came forth

—with Prophet Elisheva’s “Holy tongues,” as GOD’S SPIRIT gives utterance (Acts 2:3-4) of heavenly or earthly languages (1 Co 13:1). Elisheva speaks forth in tongues bringing Prophecy (1 Co 14:6).

It contains the HEBREW NAMES of GOD:

YAH / YAHU יה is GOD’S HOLY, SACRED NAME as in “Alleluia” or “Hallelu YAH” הללו–יה which literally means “Praise YAH”: YAHUVEH / YAHWEH י-ה-ו-ה GOD THE FATHER; YAHUSHUA / YAHSHUA יהושוע GOD’S ONLY BEGOTTEN SON—(HA MASHIACH המשיח means “THE MESSIAH”; ELOHIM אלוהים means “GOD.”)

The Revelation of “SH’KHINYAH GLORY” שכניה תפארה —as the PERSONAL NAME of RUACH HA KODESH רוח הקדש, (in English “The HOLY SPIRIT”)—is also on this site. (HA SH’KHINAH שכינה {SHEKINAH} is Hebrew for GOD’S ABIDING, DIVINE PRESENCE.)

Additionally, ABBA YAH אבא יה means “FATHER YAH” and IMMA YAH אמא יה means “MOTHER YAH.”

Scripture quotes are KJV or NKJV unless otherwise indicated. Right click footnote numbers to open a second tab.

* * * * * * *

YAHUVEH’S Words to Elisheva to be added before the Prophecies:

I warned you a long time ago Elisabeth [Elisheva], not to name this Ministry after a man or a woman. Even before there was a Ministry, I put it in your spirit.

For none of this has been done by your hands. None of this has come forth from your mouth.

It is from the Mouth of YAHUVEH that has given birth. It is from the Mouth of YAHUSHUA, your MASHIACH, that it has been given birth. It is from the Mouth of the RUACH HA KODESH, your IMMAYAH, that it has been given birth.

If it had only been by your hand, it would have failed long ago.

It is by the SHKHINYAH GLORY’S WIND that blows across this earth, the HOLY WIND OF REVIVAL. It is not by your breath, or it would have failed.

“I AM the LORD YAHUVEH: that is MY NAME: And MY GLORY I will not give to another, Neither MY PRAISE to graven images.” Isaiah 42:8

(Prophecy 105)

In July 2010, YAHUVEH GOD also said to add the following as a warning to those who mock:

But they mocked the Messengers of GOD, despised HIS Words, and scoffed at HIS Prophets, until the Wrath of YAHUVEH arose against HIS People, till there was no remedy. —2 Chronicles 36:16

Then, in July 2016:

Woe be unto anyone that dares to try to harm—these two anointed ones. You will regret the day you ever were born. Touch not MY anointed and neither do these two Prophets any harm (see Ps 105:15; 1 Ch 16:22). It would be better for you if I, ABBA YAHUVEH, would tear out your tongue!

(Prophecy 128)

And from Prophet Ezra:

I warn you all—those who are coming against this Ministry AND THESE PROPHECIES and Elisheva and I, all the Ministers of AmightyWind Ministry—I warn you now, ‘Touch not YAH’S Anointed and do HIS Prophets no harm’ (Ps 105:15; 1 Ch 16:22) lest the Wrath of the Rod of YAH come upon you. But for those who are blessed and are a blessing for this Ministry, and faithful, and who receive the Prophecies, much blessing will come on you—all to protect what belongs to YAH in the NAME OF YAHUSHUA.

* * * * * * *

Prophecy 94 Begins:

December 26, 2007

…From now on, when the five of you take it [communion], this man is not to be left out [of your prayers]. And I shall give you more revelations of who he is. For now you can call him “Caleb.”

This day, Elisabeth [Elisheva], I just command you, “Enjoy this day.” I want to see you play. I want to see you do that which you have been enjoying with ME. Let your mind rest. For I’m going to show you and I’m going to reveal to you and a new Prophecy is going to be loosed concerning Israel, concerning the hidden treasures—starting with Ezekiel 9.

For know this! No man can silence you! No woman can silence you! No devil can silence you! I, YAHUVEH, have the power to silence you and you humbly are always at MY Feet.

I laugh every time I hear you say, “I’m just minding my own business.” You never mind your own business. Elisabeth [Elisheva], you’re always minding MINE! When you are playing a game, there you are before MY Throne. Constantly I AM on your mind.

For Elisabeth [Elisheva] I have raised you up and now a Word is going to come forth defending those who are truly MINE—in Israel, who feel all alone. You call them Messianic Jews. They do not have a Prophet. But I have raised up a Prophet and I have placed you right where you are and you shall be used to bring them Fresh Manna from Heaven.

You shall be used to pronounce MY Judgment on the others. You shall be used to bring forth MY New Wine. For I have Holy that are locked in the Gaza strip. I have Holy who are being tormented along with the enemies. I have the Bride locked in Gaza. And I AM calling you to pray them free.

I have the Bride in Lebanon. Yea, I have Bride in Iraq even—so hidden, so neglected, needing a Word from Heaven. I have Bride in China. They are MY Chinese Bride. So satan seeks to muzzle you, to silence you but I tell you: you will only shout louder!

All of you—all of you start studying the Scriptures I have released unto Elisabeth [Elisheva]. Dig into each word. For I tell you there is a hidden gold mine that is yet to come and it is not far away.

As you see these things happening in Israel, know that I AM not easily mocked.

I have already released a Prophecy and in it I stated—for I, YAHUVEH, say—’You cannot give away what I have not given you to give away.’ Again, put this Notice before the world. For I have spoken.

There are consequences that are going to be met.

For I have commanded Israel to repent.

Beware of the thoughts that will come as you study these Scriptures that I have commanded Elisabeth [Elisheva] this day to read and meditate on. When you hear a voice say, “YAHUVEH would not do that,” just know this, oh yes I will.

Do not underestimate MY Power. Do not underestimate MY Anger for it has been building up as a raging inferno. It has caused hell to get so much hotter. They talk about global warming. The very flames of hell warm this earth—combined with that which is buried and hidden in the coldest part of the earth! Combine all this with man-made pollution—chemicals in the air. For it is more than one. The rich think only they are going to survive.

They believe the lies that satan tells. But MY Word says, “The meek shall inherit this earth,” (Ps 37:11; Mt 5:5) the humble—not the proud and the haughty and the rich.

You are rich through your Faith in ME.

You are rich through Treasures that others cannot see;

I gave you a Protection that NO money can buy.

I AM the WINGS THAT UNDER YOU HIDE (Ps 91).

I AM—the ONE—that encourages you.

MY SHED BLOOD at Calvary

 is the only THING that saves you.

 Through MY NAME!

 Through MY BLOOD!

 You have the WITNESS (1 John 5:9)!

 You have the TESTIMONY!

Even for those who on this earth their life is snuffed out,

 it is only a shell they are talking about.

They cannot kill

 that which is meant to be—Eternal (Mt 10:28).

To be absent from the body is to be present by MY Side,5

for those whose names are written in the LAMB’S Book of Life.

End of Prophecy

So it is spoken, so it is written on December 22, 2007 Prophet Elisheva Eliyahu.

[End comments on audio:]

[Elisheva:] We just send blessings to Caleb, ABBA YAHUVEH, in the NAME OF YAHUSHUA. We send encouragement to him. We send prayers. We thank YOU that he has heard these prayers. We thank YOU, ABBA YAHUVEH that he will write. He will be able to get into a computer. I don’t know where he is at ABBA YAHUVEH. I don’t know how YOU will do this. But some way, somehow, the Word will be given and he will get these Prophecies to encourage all those who are the Bride of YAHUSHUA in Israel, in Jerusalem, in the NAME OF YAHUSHUA, in Lebanon, wherever they are scattered around this world, HEAVENLY FATHER.

YOU said YOU have but one Ringmaiden. When the devil hears that he thinks he’s got to get me for sure, but only if YOU allow it ABBA YAHVUVEH. So even this affliction that has come upon this frail body, ABBA YAHUVEH, it is only YOU WHO can heal it in the NAME OF YAHUSHUA. It is only YOU who are the DELIVERER, YAHUSHUA. It’s only YOUR SHED BLOOD. Thank YOU. Thank YOU.

We [Caleb and I] are one. When I get afflicted he feels afflicted. We are all one. All of us are to take communion and every communion. HE said, [YAH said], “For now I’m giving you the name Caleb.”

Ezekiel [9]! It’s right there. It’s YAHUVEH’S. The devil’s got a counterfeit [UFO] and YAHUVEH’S got a real [Angel’s vehicles, chariots of fire], the one that brought this forth. It’s an “unidentified flying object.” And Ezekiel saw the wheel a way up in the middle of the air and not only that there was always the wheel, the wheel within a wheel.

About Israel too, something’s going into Israel. You start reading from Ezekiel 9. We got a Prophecy. It’s about the writer’s Scribe, a Prophet going and marking all the Holy and those without the mark in Israel are going to killed. HE [YAHUVEH] is so angry. HE’s angry at Israel. HE’s angry at the unholiness. HE’s angry right now. HE said the devil wanted to kill me because he didn’t want this Word out.

It was all about why the….it wasn’t about me. So ok, the secrets are hidden—starting with Ezekiel 9 and then HE had me reading [chapter] 13 even all the way to the false prophets. Wow, this is big. This is YAHUVEH though. This is YAHUVEH that’s in charge of the good UFO’S and winged creatures.

THEY are not talking about no chariots. No chariots. My Bible says it has the face of a winged creature. It has the face of the human, the face of a lion and the face of an eagle. That’s four again.

[And] the wings, when you read Ezekiel 10, it talks about the wheels and then it talks about the faces.

I’m not even claiming to understand. I’m not even claiming because this is deep. This is so deep and it hasn’t come to pass but it’s about to come to pass. Because I believe I’ve got this Revelation right now that’s coming forth and I believe what it is when the aliens come here to earth and they’re battling the humans, I believe YAHUVEH’S sending HIS angels, HIS weapons also to battle at the same time because humans cannot overcome these aliens.

We’ve got to have supernatural help from Heaven. And HE’S sending it for the Holy. But it’s tied up with Israel right now. With everything that’s going on with Israel. So that’s what I think the new Prophecy is going to be about Israel. This really is going to be concerning Israel, big time. Praise YAHUSHUA!

End of Recording

Jms 5:1-8 1 Come now, you rich, weep and howl for your miseries that are coming upon you! 2 Your riches are corrupted, and your garments are moth-eaten. 3 Your gold and silver are corroded, and their corrosion will be a witness against you and will eat your flesh like fire. You have heaped up treasure in the Last Days. 4 Indeed the wages of the laborers who mowed your fields, which you kept back by fraud, cry out; and the cries of the reapers have reached the ears of the LORD YAHUVEH OF HOSTS. 5 You have lived on the earth in pleasure and luxury; you have fattened your hearts as in a day of slaughter. 6 You have condemned, you have murdered the just; he does not resist you.

7 Therefore be patient, brethren, until the Coming of the LORD YAHUSHUA. See how the farmer waits for the Precious Fruit of the earth, waiting patiently for it until it receives the Early & Latter Rain. 8 You also be patient. Establish your hearts, for the Coming of the LORD YAHUSHUA is at hand.

[johnhardinsawyer]

The Only Label that Matters

John Sawyer

Bedford Presbyterian Church

10 / 8 / 17

 Philippians 3:4b-14

Matthew 3:13-17

 “The Only Label That Matters”

(How Do You Self-Identify?)

Well, it’s been a sad week in our community.  The TCBY store on South River Road has closed.  That’s right – the store that claimed to sell “The Country’s Best Yogurt” is no longer selling anything.  Just so you know, TCBY was not named “The Best” by any official yogurt-making or yogurt-tasting groups.  Nor was there any official nation-wide proclamation in which someone spoke for the entire country, declaring that TCBY was “The Best.”  Nope.  They gave themselves the title.  According to the “Fount of All Knowledge,” known as Wikipedia, TCBY used to stand for “This Can’t Be Yogurt,” but – because of a lawsuit – they had to change it. So, they went big and self-identified as the place that sells “The Country’s Best Yogurt.”[1]  It’s funny, sometimes, the way we label ourselves. . .

If you were asked to label yourself, based on who you think you are or who society says you are, how would you self-identify?  You might not start by saying that you are “The Country’s Best ‘Whatever’,” but you might say something about who your family is, what your ethnic background may be, where you are from, where you went to school, or what you do for a living.  Labels like this can be helpful, sometimes – they can help us understand a little bit about one another.  Someone might self-identify as a doctor or a teacher or a lobster fisherman, but they might also be a mother or a father, a poet or a veteran, or a barbecue master or a world-champion juggler.  You can put big stock into the labels that define you, but most of us are way more than any one label.

The Apostle Paul had a whole list of labels that could have defined him.  In fact, he gives that list in today’s reading from his letter to the Philippians. Paul had quite a pedigree:  he was from a religious family, descended from the small – but fierce – tribe of Benjamin (who could trace their roots all the way back to Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob).  He was a religious leader in the Jewish faith and followed every letter of the law of Moses.  He was so passionate about following the law that he had even oppressed and pursued and imprisoned people whose beliefs were not up to snuff, religiously speaking.  To people within the Jewish faith – of a certain, strict persuasion – Paul was a really good person.  He was “blameless, without fault.”[2]  (Philippians 3:4b-6)  Paul very well could have been labeled “One of the Country’s Best Jews.”  He might have even given himself that label from time to time.

Paul had every reason to boast and be confident because of his status – the labels he had received by checking all of the right boxes, religiously and socially speaking. . .  But then Paul met Jesus, and Paul came to the realization that all of the things which had seemed so valuable and important to him didn’t add up to a hill of beans.  The word that polite Bible translators use to describe all of the things that had previously given Paul’s life meaning is the word “rubbish.”  But in the original language, the word that Paul uses here is the word for the kind of stuff that gets thrown out in a bag of dirty diapers, or scooped out of the kitty litter, or picked up by a dog walker whose dog makes a “deposit” on someone’s lawn.[3] 

“[W]hatever gains I had [because of my social status],” Paul writes, “these I have come to regard as loss because of Christ.  More than that, I regard everything as loss because of the surpassing value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord.  For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things, and I regard them as rubbish – skubalon – in order that I may gain Christ.”  (3:7-8) 

“So you can take my family name,” Paul is saying here, “all of my awards and advanced degrees, my reputation, all my years of thinking that I was doing the right thing – and you can throw them out the window.  Because none of that stuff is important to me any longer.  In fact, when I think about it, all of the time and energy I spent on all of that stuff embarrasses me now.  It offends me.  I have gladly thrown it away because compared to knowing Jesus, all of that other stuff doesn’t matter anymore.  I have put it behind me.”

I am sure that there were some things that Paul wanted to put behind him – some labels he wanted to remove from his past.  At one point, back when Paul was known as “Saul” – he had stood by and watched as some people were killing a man named Stephen. The scriptures tell us that Saul held their coats and approved of what they were doing because Stephen was a follower of Jesus.[4]  Saul felt he was justified, but really, he was an accessory to murder.

There are those who self-identify in certain ways – those who hide behind their labels and will sometimes use those labels as a defense. People self-identify as being part of one group or another and use that to justify all kinds of things – even violence.

A few years ago, a young man named Jason was passed over for a job down in Virginia.  He became convinced that this had happened because he was a white male and then he read some things on the internet and became further-convinced that the white race is somehow being targeted for genocide.  This is not true – not in the slightest – but the labels that Jason used on himself made it feel true.  And in this day and age, “feeling” is often wrongly equated with “truth.”  Jason says that he is not a white supremacist.  He’s just pro-white.[5]  He claims there is a difference between the two.  But sometimes the labels we place on ourselves don’t have clearly defined edges. One label can slowly bleed into another without us knowing.  Anyway, Jason organized a rally for white people in his hometown of Charlottesville at which people were hurt and a woman was killed.  He says all of this is someone else’s fault – the fault of black people and women.

Sometimes, our labels become our idols and we worship them. We even make sacrifices to them, as if the ways we self-identify somehow give us power.  The Bible has more than a few things to say about idolatry, but Paul sums it up in one word:  “Rubbish!” Because there is only one true God who exists and only one true label that matters.  It is only by God’s grace that we come to know this.  I hope and pray that Jason will come to know it.

In today’s reading from the Gospel of Matthew, Jesus went to be baptized.  He didn’t self-identify as the “Messiah” or “Son of God” when he went, though.  John the Baptizer knew who Jesus was and would have prevented him, saying “I need to be baptized by you [Jesus]. . .” (Matthew 3:14) But Jesus insisted, and he humbled himself, and was baptized by John in the Jordan River.  As the story goes,

When Jesus had been baptized, just as he came up from the water, suddenly the heavens were opened to him, and he saw the Spirit of God descending like a dove and alighting on him.  And a voice from heaven said, “This is my Son, the Beloved, with whom I am well pleased.”  (3:16-17) 

“This is my child.  I love him.  I am pleased with him.”

When someone comes to be baptized, we believe that they are marked with a sign – a label, if you will.  And this label from God reads, simply.  “This is my child.  I love them. I am pleased with them.”  This holy label is permanent.  It is a mark that won’t come off in the wash and there is nothing that will completely cover it up.  This mark is, in large part, invisible most of the time.  There are times when it becomes faint or worn, times when we forget about it, but it is always there.  

Many of you probably know the story of how Paul, back when he was known as Saul was going along the road to Damascus, on his way to arrest some followers of Jesus – and how, suddenly, he saw a bright light and a voice said, “Saul!  Why do you persecute me?”  (Acts 9:4) In that moment, something within Saul changed – he realized that everything he had been doing against the church of Jesus was wrong.  He also realized that even though he had been a sinner his whole life, Jesus still loved him. He became aware of God’s grace for the first time.  When Saul – completely blinded by his experience on the road – finally arrived in Damascus, he regained his sight and he was baptized.  After years of thinking that he belonged to God based on who his family was or how much he thought he was doing to be faithful, in his baptism, Saul found that all of the old labels no longer mattered.  God had wiped them away and had given him a new label – a label of love and light and hope and peace and healing and forgiveness and reconciliation. God had given him a new identity – a new way to self-identify:  “I am God’s child.  God loves me. God is pleased with me.”

Because of this grace, from then on, Paul only wanted to know Jesus.  He gave his life to Jesus and this is what defined him.  This is the label that he wore – the sign to the world that this, and only this, was the label that mattered.  “Christ Jesus has made me his own,” Paul says in today’s reading. (Philippians 3:12)  “And I am going to live the rest of my life trying to embrace this label – this new identity.  I will press on until the end because the end will be glorious.”  Paul didn’t always get it right.  He knew that he was a sinner and that he fell short all the time, but he knew that Jesus loved him even when he did fall short.  This is the kind of grace that we receive when we belong to God.  If only we could be this gracious with one another.

The first time I remember reading today’s passage from Philippians, I was in a dorm room with a group of guys for a college Bible study.  We spent a lot of time talking about how Paul used the word skubalon for “poop,” and we thought that was awesome (and hilarious – boys will be boys, after all).  I was in that Bible study for a whole year and got to know those guys pretty well, but later, one of them (we’ll call him Joey, because that was his name) asked my roommate if I was a Christian.  Thankfully, my roommate said something like, “Joey, you were in a Bible study with John for a long time.  You should know.”  I was hurt. I had thought Joey was my friend. Why would he ask such a question? “Am I a Christian?”  It seems that Joey was using a certain set of theological labels – a certain set of religious boxes to check – to ask, not really if I was a Christian, but if I was his kind of Christian, because to Joey, his kind of Christian was the only real kind.

I was upset about this for quite some time, but then I remembered my baptism.  I remembered that I belong to God, that God loves me, and God is pleased with me.  I also remembered that Joey has been baptized, too.  He belongs to God, God loves him, and God is pleased with him.  Our baptism is something we hold in common.  This label that we share is a bridge that spans the theological divide between us.  Maybe someday, Christians like him and Christians like me can find common ground and meet in the middle of that bridge.  

I’ll close with this. . .  It’s not every day that a preacher has the privilege of preaching on the occasion of his or her own child’s baptism.  This might be my one and only shot at this.  I do not know what kind of person Samuel will grow up to be – what sort of labels will be placed upon him by the world or what sort of labels he will place upon himself.  There are good labels and there are bad labels, after all, and I’m sure that Samuel will have his share of both.  My one hope in the midst of all of this is that he will be taught and he will remember the only label that matters – the sign and seal that he belongs to God, that God loves him, and that God is pleased with him.  No other label matters more than that.

Sisters and brothers, remember:  you, too, belong to God, God loves you, and God is pleased with you.  Christ Jesus has made you his own.  No other label matters more. . .

In the name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit.  Amen.

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[1] https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/TCBY.

[2] Walter Bauer, A Greek-English Lexicon of the New Testament and Other Early Christian Literature (Chicago:  University of Chicago Press, 1979) 45.

[3] Bauer, 758.

[4] See Acts 7:54 ff.

[5] https://www.thisamericanlife.org/radio-archives/episode/626/white-haze?act=2#play.