#but i wanted this card so bad and i ranked top 30 in the last story event | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thelovelyghostwriter · 3 years ago

Text

Ranking the HxH guys in my Simping Tier: Countdown

Note: This is just for fun and lame-ass humour. You are free to like anyone in hxh and this tier doesn’t reflect how great the character is. It’s just a ranking based on how much I simp for them.

14. Meruem

Okay. There’s a reason why Meruem is at the last list. He’s an ant. He’s not even fully human FML. Can’t believe people wanna fuck this teenaged mutant ninja ant. Can’t even say those people are a furry because this ant has no fur. It’s a no for me.

13. Illumi

The Illumi simps are gonna hack me for having him too low. I find him cute and has really nice hair that can be for shampoo ads... but his eyes... it covers 70% of his face. It’s guppy eyes. It’s like he wore those coloured contact lenses that enlarges the eyes.

12. Shalnark

OKay. Shalnark is cute. He’s really one of the most good looking guys in the series. However, I don’t know why but his personality is kinda “ehh”. He’s a little psycho who controls people with his phone, but somehow his personality is overshadowed by a lot of extreme characters with Hisoka. Also, I try not to get too attached to him because of what happens in the current arc.

11. Kite

Okay. This is weird but... I find Kite more attracted when he’s a red-headed female ant right now. Okay. I know I went all like “MERUEM ISNT EVEN HUMAN” but female Kite LOOKS human. She has freckles and all that. It’s real cute. But I’d say he’s a little lower because he doesn’t really have that “oomph” personality so-

10. Pariston

Now, talk about a character with FABULOUS presentation of himself. Pariston shows himself off with extravagance. NOW, that’s a personality. He’s like one of those celebs that are just so extra like Lady Gaga that it’s amazing. I know he’s underrated in the simping world, but he’s essentially kinda like Hisoka (who has a big simping fandom), only he prefers to play with people’s minds rather than fight people.

9. Tserriednich

You might be wondering, why the fuck is he here? Okay, first of all, he reminds me of Hannibal who is by the way, charming. And yes I mean it in the Mads Mikkelsen AND the Anthony Hopkins way. Makes me wanna his Clarice but I’d rather have Theta have that spot. Secondly, he’s a prince so being his bride is literally a dream come true. Thirdly, yeh, Tserriednich is actually very handsome. Nice blond hair and that facial beard.

8. Gon

He’s quite low on the tier because I had always seen him as a cute green mini-Ging. Personality-wise, he’s really sweet and I can see a lot of girls liking him because he knows how to treat women respectfully. He can even handle the crazy ones like Palm. His alpha side came out during the Chimera Ant arc and his adult form is hella attractive.

Jokes aside, this character is really amazing as an MC. It’s sad that he gets overshadowed but I believe he’s a pretty unique shounen MC because most of the time, a shounen MC doesn’t kill or has a pretty much black-and-white morality. Gon Freecss breaks that stereotype and he’s truly appreciated.

7. Leorio

Listen to me. This man is supposed to be the type of man you’re supposed to marry. Doctor, loyal, caring and funny. This man is the total package. I think the reason why he’s a little lower in my simp tier is because well... he’s the type of guy that I will go for in reality. In fiction, that’s where all my crushes for crazy guys should be. My simp tier is based on my heart, not brain.

6. Killua

Okay. I was down bad for Killua when I was younger. DOWN BAD. So down bad that it was scary. I sort of got over him now. But what can you do? Killua is simped by a lot of teenaged girls or women who had a crush on him since the beginning of time. He’s fiercely loyal, has white hair and pretty blue eyes, is a fun mixture of mischief and seriousness. He’s the type of guy you can count on to get out of trouble and one to always treasure you. I do think that if I ever meet Killua though, that he’d bully me to oblivion.

Okay, we’re at the top 5. From here onwards, some real NSFW simping words.

5. Hisoka

I kinda do understand Hisoka stans, but at the same time, I do not get them. Like him or not, he’s a very flamboyant character. He stands out of the crowd and he just have that unexplained charisma.

He’s actually a really well-written character. He’s the balancing factor in the narrative of HxH. He’s like the joker in the deck of cards. Back to my simp tier, he’s very attractive ESPECIALLY with his hair down. There’s a certain aura that is addictive about him that I can’t pin-point. And for that, he earns my top 5 spot.

4. Feitan

I swear. This simping phenomenon actually manifested from Hiei. Yes, Feitan’s character blueprint, Hiei from Yu Yu Hakusho. (The real OGs will know that Hiei is the character blueprint, not Levi). I know a lot of people compare him to Levi but let me explain why Levi and Feitan are alike: it’s because their character blueprint is Hiei.

Anyway, Hiei is HOT. And to me, the hxh equivalent is Feitan, with a huge addition of sadism and emo-ness. Okay, that makes it even hotter.

I have read some Feitan/Reader on AO3 and BOI. I enjoyed reading certain stuff that I never thought I would enjoy. I read a fic about Reader-chan getting whipped and basically all sorts of BDSM and OMG it’s heaven.

“They say all good boys go to heaven, but bad boys bring heaven to you”

3. Chrollo

At first, I didn’t really care about Chrollo until he wore that tuxedo and let his hair down (Is it just me or a lot of hxh boys look good with their hair down?). HE LOOKS SO GODLY HOLY FUCK.

I’m 100% sure that his character blueprint for the hair-down is Koenma. He also gives me Tuxedo Mask vibes. Overall, such chivalry and handsomeness all in one man. Not to mention, that sexy sexy voice when he recites his fortune-telling. I would say he has the sexiest voice among all hxh guys. He is just that HOT and charismatic. I wanna see where he hid that Spider tattoo and scratch his back.

2. Ging

Okay. Ging is hardly simp by girls. And I do not understand why?? He is motherfucking attractive. Even now. GAWD. I love him.

I think my attraction to him pre-started because he looks and acts SO much like my childhood crush Yusuke Urameshi from Yu Yu Hakusho. I know he’s an asshat but he’s a CHARMING asshat. Yeap, I said it. He is actually highly intelligent and just acts like a total haggard because he can.

It’s not just when he’s young. I STILL think he’s hot even in his 30s. He’s not that old for me to me honest. I don’t care if he’s a decade older than me because I think that’s the appeal of it. I

It’s kinda sad that he’s not that popular because I need some Ging/Reader smut content. Like, I envisioned a smut fic where the reader is like in her 20s and is strangely attracted to Ging. He’s wildly confused over this but he’s seriously considering of tapping it because his old ass haven’t had any action lately. The other Zodiacs are also confused and are convinced that he must have given some sex pollen to the reader because who the hell is sane enough to be attracted to him? (But it’s just that you need some acquired taste to actually find this man alluring). He’s one of the most fuckable characters ahhh.

And... for the last one...

Drumroll please....

1. Kurapika

Seriously, was there even a surprise.

THIS MAN IS THE AKAKU GOD. He’s beautiful, he’s sexy and fucking dominant (yes, I say he’s domineering because do you see the way he throws a hot tantrum during the whole YorkNew arc, demanding shit from his enemies, taking charge of everything?) His chains drives me nuts. I love it when he gets angry. I know he’s kinky on the inside. When he wore that tuxedo... ooof. He looks hella fine. He’s the only guy in hxh that fulfills my ala Michael Corleone mafia boss kink. I want him to ^&*(%%%*%^ (to save myself from embarrassment, I self-censored) as we attempt to repopulate the clan and produce more scarlet eyed babies, as he whispers some real degrading and possessive shit in Kurta while he tells me what to do. AHHHHH. *bye gotta go write some kuraneon porn now byeee*

#hxh #hunterxhunter #sorry im just down bad during quarantine #kurapika #akaku #kurapika akaku akaku #akaku god #ging #ging freecss #chrollo #chrollo lucilfer #feitan #this is a shitpost

122 notes · View notes

takemebacktowheniwassane · 3 years ago

Conversation

DEH Incorrect Quotes Pt. 8 I Think??

Jared: If I'm extra sarcastic with you it probably means I'm flirting with you or you really annoy me and I can't handle your crap... have fun figuring out which one.

Evan:

Jared: I feel like doing something stupid.

Evan: I'm stupid.

Jared: ...?

Evan: Do me?

Jared: oH-

Miguel: As the top of this relationship, I think we should-

Connor: I can't believe your pulling rank on me.

Evan: I still have no idea how I'm attracted to you...

Jared: Too bad. You're stuck with me now, honey.

Evan: My life is a mess.

Jared: Relax. Go get a beer.

Evan: I don't want a beer?

Jared: Who said it was for you?

Evan: We vegetarians love the environment. Carnivores are sick freaks.

Connor: How can vegetarians possibly love the environment.. you keep eating all the fucking plants.

Jared: I'm bored, any suggestions?

Alana, trying to get him to have a decent sleep schedule: Sleeping is nice.

Jared: I acknowledge your suggestion, and I’m deciding to ignore it.

Connor: When life gives you lemons, what do you do?

Alana: Make lemonade! :)

Connor: No! You throw the lemons back up into the sky and make life deal with it's own shit!

Evan: That's illegal, right?

Jared: Why do you care, are you fucking a cop or something?

Evan: No-

Jared: Then shut the fuck up.

7 year old Zoe: I lost my fish, can you help me find it?

9 year old Connor, cooking the fish: What? Speak up, I can't hear you.

Alana: Just be yourself, say something nice!

Jared: Which one? I can't do both.

Zoe: Are you drinking enough water?

Evan: Sometimes my tears get in my mouth.

Evan: I wanna die.

Jared: We all do, you're not special.

Evan: Pick a card, any card.

Connor: Fine.

Evan: Wait, that's my credit card-

Connor: You said any card.

Miguel: So, what would you do if you were in bed with me?

Connor: Depends. Is your bed comfortable?

Miguel: Uh yeah, I guess-

Connor: Then I'd sleep.

Evan: Where are you going??

Jared: Hell, eventually.

Zoe: Hey besties-

Jared: Die.

Zoe: What did I ever do to you-

Evan: Jared, I sense hostility.

Jared: Good, because I fucking hate you.

Miguel: Happy October 32nd! Second Halloween!

Connor: That doesn't exist-

Miguel: Not with that attitude.

Miguel: I wanna be called cute 21/7.

Connor: Why not 24/7?

Miguel: Snack breaks.

Connor, annoyed af: Why can't trees give off something fucking useful... like wifi.

Jared:

Jared: So then just fuck oxygen I guess.

Alana: *Sharpens knife* We have ways of making people talk.

Alana: *Cuts piece of cake*

Evan: ....Can I have some?

Alana: Cake is for talkers.

Evan: What are you drinking?

Jared: Vodka.

Evan: Straight???

Jared: No, gay. Why?

Jared: GET BACK HERE YOU DUMBFUCK!

Evan: LET ME RUN AWAY FROM THE CONSEQUENCES OF MY ACTIONS!!

Connor: I need you to come meet me, and I need you to come alone.

Zoe: And I need you to be less vague and weird-

Alana, texting: Answer your phone

Jared, texting: Wait a minute, I can't find my phone.

Alana: Understood.

Alana, five minutes later: You're a terrible person. You know you're killing me. You're killing me, Jared.

Evan: A mosquito tried to bite me and I slapped it and killed it.

Evan: And I started thinking.

Evan: Like, it was just trying to get food.

Evan: What if I went to the fridge and it just slammed the door shut and snapped my neck?

Alana: Are you ok?

Miguel: What is the one thing I told you not to do?

Connor: Burn the house down.

Miguel: And what did you do?!

Connor: I made dinner.

Miguel:

Connor:

Miguel:

Connor: Okay fine. And burnt the house down.

Evan: Hello, Jared. Made anyone cry today?

Jared: Sadly, no. But it's only 4:30.

Alana: When's the last time you slept?!

Jared: Uh.. a few days ago, I think??

Alana: How many days?

Jared: *Starts counting on his fingers*

Jared: I need more fingers.

Alana: What yOU NEED IS S L E E P!

Zoe: HELP! I'M DROWNING!!

Connor: Calm down, we're only in six feet of water.

Zoe: NOT ALL OF US ARE TALL!

Jared: What'cha doing?

Connor: Stealing my neighbours cat.

Jared: Scandalous.

Jared: Can I help?

Jared: Standing next to sunflowers always makes me feel weak like ‘look at this fucking flower. This flower is taller than I am. This flower is winning and I’m losing.’

Evan: Wow, you are not ready to hear about trees.

Connor: *makes Miguel a cup of tea but puts salt in it*

Miguel: *sips tea*

Connor:

Miguel: *finishes tea*

Connor: Didn't it taste bad?

Miguel: Yeah, but I didn't want to hurt your feelings so I drank it all.

Connor, tearing up: Oh, okay.

Alana: So I have made the decision to trust you.

Evan: A horrible decision, really.

Evan: Hopefully, Jared has learned a lesson about respecting other people's feelings.

Jared: Oh shut up and die, Evan.

Connor: Alright, listen up you little shits-

Connor: Except you, Alana. You're an angel, and we're thrilled you're here.

Zoe: Can you pass the salt?

Jared: Can you pass away?

Zoe: Too much salt.

#deh dearevanhansen dehjaredkleinman dehevanhansen dehconnormurphy dehzoemurphy dehalanabeck dehmiguel kleinsen conguel

17 notes · View notes

sisternihil · 4 years ago

Text

Chapter One: Illuminating

Series: Douce (masterlist)

Pairing: Spencer Reid x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None for this chapter; 18+ after

Word Count: 1.4k

The third Saturday of September was a perfect autumn day. Crisp and sunny. Just right.

The pumpkin patch was more crowded than usual with a suspicious black SUV obscuring the storefront. You parked and started walking down the dirt path to the patches when a gentle voice called behind you.

‘Miss?’

Spinning on your heels, assuming you dropped something you head toward the voice. You stopped several feet in front of him and glanced over his tall, thin frame. He was pretty, pale with plump lips albeit a bit dry. Light brown hair was tucked behind his left ear with soft curly ends resting at his shoulders and his eyes were brown, no wait, they’re hazel in the sunlight. He was beautiful.

‘Miss?’ He calls again.

‘Yes.’ you answer meeting his gaze.

‘I’m Spencer Reid from the FBI, I work with the behavioral analysis unit. We’re investing a disappearance that may have occurred in a corn maze in the area’ his tone was oddly calm considering the circumstances.

‘I heard about that, it’s terrible’ you say as you look down at your dusty shoes. His pants don’t quite touch the tops of his beat-up black and white Chucks and you notice that both his socks are different patterns and colors and you can’t help but smile wide at him.

Is he blushing?

‘Ha-have you seen anyone suspicious in the area?’ He inquires

He’s definitely blushing.

‘Unfortunately no, this is my first trip out here this year. Could I call you if I see anything suspicious?’

You hope he picks up the suggestion but you aren’t sure until he fumbles with his wallet to pull out a business card.

You take it and read aloud ‘Dr. Spencer Reid? You’re impressive you can’t be older than 30.’

‘I, uh, I graduated high school when I was 12 and I am actually 31.’ He’s smoothing his hair back and shifting his weight.

‘Now I’m just embarrassed for myself.’ You chortle, pocketing his card and turning back to the pumpkin patch

‘Uh, you know you could call me even if you don’t see anything suspicious’ he’s trying to sound as confident as possible like Derek had told him.

You face him and smile, ‘I will Dr. Reid.’

He gives you a small wave and slight grin and you try not to be too obvious in your excitement.

Is he the cutest guy you’ve ever seen? He has to be. Suddenly your focus isn’t about finding the most symmetrical pumpkin ever. Should you call him? He was probably just being nice. But he’s so cute. You fight with your inner monologue until you walk back with a pretty good pumpkin.

At the register, you grab fresh donuts and apple cider and tote them to your car. He’s leaning against a black SUV with another handsome guy and a pretty dark-haired woman. You assume those are his partners.

‘Is that her?’ Derek tilts his head toward you.

‘Yes, that’s her. Could you be more conspicuous?’ he breathes out

‘Did you get her name or number?’ both partners ask talking over each other

‘Well, no’ Spencer rubs the back of his neck ‘I just asked her to call me’

‘Go, go, go’ Emily and Derek say in unison pushing him forward.

You can hear someone jogging behind you as you shut your trunk.

‘Dr. Reid?’

‘Um, I forgot to ask, or, well, I wanted to ask, could I-I possibly have your number too?’

‘Of course’ you smile and squeeze his arm lightly. Laying his card on your trunk you send a text ‘Hi, it’s Y/N, the girl from the pumpkin patch’

His phone chimes, ‘that’d be me’ you state and open your car door ‘talk to you soon’.

‘Atta boy’ one of his partners calls out and you can see his male partner slapping his shoulder.

— — — —

On Tuesday you’re immersed in your tarp-covered living room floor with all the tools needed to carve a pumpkin and Hocus Pocus playing in the background. Deciding to finally reach out to the cute doctor you snap a picture of your pumpkin and mess and send it. A ping sounds almost instantly with a compliment to your design and Dr. Reid asking if he could call instead.

‘Hi’ you hope he can hear the smile in your voice.

‘H-hi’ you can, however, hear the nerves in his voice.

Spencer is fiddling with his tie trying to remember how to talk.

‘Spencer are you there?’

‘Ye-yea, I’m here. U-um, I wanted to ask...wouldyouliketogoonadatewithmeSunday’

‘What did you have in mind?’

‘Well, there’s this illuminated pumpkin patch I think you’d love and maybe we could have dinner first?’

‘That sounds amazing.’ you try to hide an excited giggle but it slips out anyway. Spencer lets out a sigh of relief and you carry on with some small talk.

Before you realize two hours have gone by and you feel as if you know Spencer better than anyone you’d met in the last year in the city.

Soft yawns start to interrupt the conversation and both of you bid farewell.

— — — —

Spencer can’t sleep. Not that that’s unusual but tonight he tosses and turns replaying their conversation over in his head. You giggle a lot and yet somehow her presence is very reassuring. He decides needs that.

Soft, affirming, and affectionate. Well, he doesn’t know if you’re affectionate yet or not but he imagines you are. When you touched him at the pumpkin patch he felt like his skin was on fire and he longed for you to touch him again. Wait, was he that touch starved? He decides he is.

— — — —

Sunday can’t come fast enough for either of you. Spencer had insisted that he would pick you up and you’d reluctantly agreed. Surely someone for the FBI wouldn’t be a creep. By Friday you had already picked out your outfit - a cozy sweater, jeans, and booties. You were only a little bit excited, okay that was an understatement. Spencer called every day when he was able and if he couldn’t you always made sure to at least say ‘hi’ via text.

Sunday comes as fast as you’d expect and a shrill ding sounds from the front door. Oh man, you’re fucked. His hair is messed up but in that perfect bedhead sorta way and he’s wearing black and gold horn-rimmed glasses. He’s got on so many layers you don’t bother to count and you realize the mismatched socks are a signature and not a gaffe.

‘I got this for you’ he’s reaching out to place a small ceramic ghost-shaped candy bowl in your hands with a handwritten note attached to the side. ‘I put all of my favorite candies inside and made a ranking chart for you’. You want to melt, how could someone be so sweet? Your cheeks feel unbearably warm as you invite him in while you put up your gift.

‘Let’s go’ you say as your smiling and pulling him out the door. He drives an old VW bug and this doesn’t surprise you in the least.

Dinner goes like catching up with an old friend and you manage to make him snort-laugh with a few really bad jokes.

‘What kind of overalls does Mario wear? Denim-denim-denim.’

Your final destination of the night is just within walking distance from the restaurant. You take note that Spencer walks on the outside of you closest to the street. As you’re about to point this out Spencer starts to explain the Middle Age origins of which side of a man was socially acceptable to walk on and why. ‘Do you know everything?’ It sounds harsh as you blurt it out and you correct yourself ‘I mean is there anything you don’t know something about.’

‘Of course’ he says excitable ‘information and science are constantly evolving so one can’t know everything.’

Your fingers brush against his lightly and he intertwines them. His hands are soft, warm, and engulfing. Fairy lights start to come into view and for a moment you’re almost overwhelmed. Spencer hands two tickets to a booth attendant and you stare in disbelief.

‘Do you like it?’

‘I love it’

Turning to face him you place a chaste kiss on his lips and take his hand as you start walking. Thousands of carved and lit pumpkins line a walkway with displays set up in intervals. Both of you are enthralled with the craftsmanship put into each pumpkin.

You watch his face as he studies what is before him. His profile is dreamy - a cute little nose and a jaw that could cut glass. You were fucked, absolutely, and thoroughly. You knew it when you first laid eyes on him and tonight just reaffirmed your suspicions.

You were deeply, deeply infatuated with Dr. Reid.

— — — —

#spencer reid #dr spencer reid #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid x you #spencer reid x plus size reader #plus size reader #criminal minds #smut #masterlist

156 notes · View notes

ellaenchanting · 4 years ago

Text

Hypnovember 2020 Master List

Now that I have awoken from my post-Hypnovember nap, it’s time to post my 2020 Master List! in comparison to last year’s entries, a lot of stories this year delved more into either more intense kinks or more of my intense personal feelings than my stories last year did. Sometimes writing stories is a bit like reading my own tarot cards in that way- letting an ambiguous prompt roll around in my subconscious and sometimes being surprised or amused or even slightly unsettled by what it turns into. I hope you will find something in this group of works that soothes you, that turns you on, that intrigues you, and that most of all provokes a response. If you do, I’d absolutely love to hear about it. :)

Copying one of my favorite @jukeboxemcsa ideas, I’ve also included a HypnoBS rating for every work about how realistic the hypnosis/mind control is in each work (IMHO). In this ranking, 1 means to is absolute bullshit and 5 is a normal Tuesday night (for someone).

Icons- 📰- story. 🔊- audio 💻- technology 😍- romantic 🌈- queer 😴- regular ole’ hypnosis 🛀- brainwashing and/or character in tub 👻- spooky 🐈- at least one happy pussy ❓- bad or reeeally questionable consent 👨‍🔬 -science! 🤪 -crackfic #-#sceneideas 😭-feeeels ⭐-author’s personal favorites

Day 1: Instant M/f 📰 😴🐈#😭

Choice quote: “Sean chuckled as he moved in closer. And closer. ‘I thought you wanted to know what it was like to be hypnotized, sweetheart. To follow suggestions? To have someone else take control? It’s not real control if I’m doing something you already wanted, now is it?”

HypnoBS- 5. Read the whole thing but- IMHO totally plausible.

Fun Fact- These are the same characters from last year’s Day 5: Poison.

Day 2: Coils F/m 📰 😴 💻 👨‍🔬

Choice quote: “Daniel rolled his eyes. ‘I bet you could hypnotize me with a bar of soap if you wanted to. That still doesn’t make me like spirals.’”

HypnoBS- 5. Maybe 4 because I don’t love the induction but- maybe you will? Also- oh no poor Daniel is so conditioned that he’ll go under to anything Jamie does! How hard for him. :(

Day 3: Staged Hypnosis (Stage) F/f 📰 😴 🌈 🛀 ❓

Choice quote: “No one needed to know she was a plant. A confederate. A stooge.”

HypnoBS- 1.5. This would collapse like a house of cards. It’s a fun concept though.

Day 4: Psychic F/nb 📰 😴 🌈 😍 👨‍🔬⭐

Choice quote: “Something about the hypnosis- being in and out of each other’s heads and in and out of each other’s bodies all weekend- made her feel like she and Tris had merged in some way. Like there was a new, deeper understanding between them now- a telepathic bond.”

HypnoBS- 5. Maybe a 4.5 if you’re recognizing some nre magical thinking here. But- I’ve definitely had this feeling and this kind of experience- and I hope some of you have had it/will have it as well. :)

Day 5: Visor F/multiple 📰 😴 🛀 💻 👨‍🔬 🤪#

Choice quote: “Besides, everyone knew stormtroopers were kinky.”

HypnoBS- 4.5. Some of the exact details would need to be changed and thought through more thoroughly, but I absolutely believe you could do something like this if you wanted to. (And if you do, you definitely have to let me know. I know some of y’all out there go to Dragoncon.)

Day 6: Pendulum F/y’all 🔊😴 👨‍🔬

Choice quote: This is a trick I first learned from a science book I read in 5th grade.

HypnoBS- 5. The real thing.

Day 7: Song Aliens/the human race 📰 💻 👻❓

Choice quote: “Anna didn’t know what she was singing.”

HypnoBS- 1. I hope. Why do the song based stories always turn out so creepy?

Day 8: Performance unknown/f 📰 👻❓😴# ⭐

Choice quote: “With each snap, the gears inside her doll body click click click clicked into action. She turned, jerky but graceful. She was determined to do well. “

HypnoBS- 5 (if part of a fearplay scene, which is my headcanon for this story)

Day 9: (Hot Under the) Collar F/f 📰 😴🛀🌈 🐈#⭐

Choice quote: “She was wearing her collar. She was aroused. It was as simple as that.“

HypnoBS- 5 With time, I think you could do this. Maybe a 4.5 for the 30 minutes thing- that might lead to a bit too much cramping.

Day 10: Gentle 🔊😴

Choice quote: “Just look into the spiral....”

HypnoBS- 5. I hope.

Day 11: Summoning Sappho (Summon) eventual F/f I hope 📰 😴🌈 🤪

Choice quote: “In fact, the only ideas left to try on their brainstorming board included ‘sexy alien invasion’, ‘sexy witches’, and this. Shockingly, at this point a sexy seance seemed the most practical.”

HypnoBS-1. Although stay tuned for Femme Flirt 2021.

Day 12: Plants unknown/m 📰 😴🛀#

Choice quote: “If he focused, Chris could feel that new suggestion also growing stronger and stronger, becoming more and more firmly rooted inside of him. “

HypnoBS- 5, with the right person

Day 13: Artifact F/f 📰 😴🛀🌈 👨‍🔬 ❓

Choice quote: “She fumbled through the contents when suddenly her hand found something unexpected from her past.A red lipstick tube. An artifact.”

HypnoBS- 4? There’s different ways of reading this story, but my headcanon is that the consent here is pretty dubious.

Day 14: Tail M/f 📰 😴🛀❓👻#

Choice quote: “It was no use. She could sense her tail was still behind her. She couldn’t shake him. She should have known he’d come for her.“

HypnoBS- Let’s say 2. Although I think this could work really well for a fearplay scene in an appropriate setting (where someone wasn’t actually left unmonitored with extreme paranoia).

Day 15: Serve F/m 📰 😴#⭐

Choice quote: “He had put his heart and soul into the dish.They were hers now.”

HypnoBS- As a scene? 5 (depending on the person). As a long term effect, much lower.

Day 16: Memory F/f 📰 😴 🛀🌈 😍

Choice quote: “Mesmera waited for Galaxy Girl at the door.”

HypnoBS- 4, you could do an induction along these lines but -1 for psychic powers

Fun Fact: These characters were originally featured in last year’s Day 19: Hideout.

Day 17: Toy F/f m/f 📰 😴 🛀🌈🐈 #

Choice quote: “Dolly hated to have Bad Manners. “

HypnoBS- 4.5. This is pretty deep into headspace, but I wouldn’t want to rule it out for the right person.

Day 18: Monster m/f 📰 😴 ❓😭⭐

Choice quote: “That kind of stuff wasn’t fair to think about here. It wasn’t everyone else’s fault that she was so warped.”

HypnoBS- 5. Ouch my heart. Poor young!Ella.

Day 19: Eyes M/m 📰 😴 🌈 😍

Choice quote: “Scott looked into his partner Brandon’s eyes. Brandon had hypnotized him so many times over the years in so many ways but- this was one of Scott’s favorites.”

HypnoBS- 5. Especially in a long term relationship like this. (In my pretend Hypnovember universe, these guys are some of the patriarchs of the hypnokinky convention scene and absolutely wonderful advice givers.)

Fun fact: The story of how these characters originally got together is in last year’s Day 12: Stage story.

Day 20: Possession F/f 📰 😴 🌈 😍😭

Choice Quote- “Things that were hard to do for herself during these times became easier to do as something owned by Thadra. Taking a shower. Getting up and going to bed at the right time. Making sure she ran once a day. Making sure she ate.”

HypnoBS- Errr....4 trending upwards. Although for this to be safe and healthy you’d really need to be checking in with a therapist and working on your continuing mental health at the same time (IMHO). Please do not get relationship advice from my porn.

Day 21: Snaps 🔊😴👨‍🔬

Choice Quote- “No, that one was up.”

HypnoBS- 5. I’m not sure quite how this translates to audio but this is the kind of shenanigans I pull with friends all of the time.

Day 22: Restrict F/f 📰 😴 🌈 🐈👨‍🔬

Choice quote: “’Hmm. By ‘weird’ do you mean ‘hot’?’ asked Zahara, lounging above her on the couch. Nikki nodded. She definitely meant hot. “

HypnoBS- 2. A month is a long time and this is a strong reaction. But- maaaaaybe would work for a bit, especially within these boundaries?

Day 23: Villain there’s a m and a f 📰 🛀👨‍🔬❓#

Choice quote: “They had been planning against that damned do-gooder reporter Lizzy Lampost for months and now they were about to finally have her in their clutches. “

HypnoBS-1. But you’re not reading this one for realism, are you?

Day 24: Drink F/f 📰 😴👨‍🔬🌈 😍

Choice quote: “’Leah,’ she said. ‘I’ve found a drinking game! This might be fun! Want to try it?’”

HypnoBs- 5. With the right person. (That part of the end might be a bit harder.)

Day 25:Worship: F/m 📰 🛀🌈

Choice quote: “After all, it wasn’t the time to work right now. It was time to worship his Mistress’s cock.”

HypnoBS- Someone on AO3 told me this fic just wrecked them. Lucky that person- this one’s a 5. Maybe not with everyone, but an awful lot of people should be able to do an awful lot of the activities in this story. :)

Day 26: Fey M/f 📰😴 😭⭐

Choice quote: “Humans do not know the spells they weave.”

HypnoBS- 1 Only true in that metaphorical way. (So- really, really true. But not factual.)

Day 27: Recording F./m 📰 🛀❓👻#

Choice quote: “It’s a recording, he reminded himself. “She’s not there. No one is there.”

HypnoBS- 2 At least, I don’t know how to make this happen (outside of a consensual scene).

Day 28: Obsession M/F 📰 🛀😍👨‍🔬

Choice quote: “Some guys had cars. Some had computer systems. Some had home brewing. But Mark’s obsession was Julia.“

HypnoBS- Oh gosh. Errr...2.5? Hard to say.

Fun Fact: This started as a one-sided scenario, then it changed, then it felt really hot, now it feels like a sweet silly sitcom premise. (If you want to read some episode synopses of this hypothetical sitcom, there are some brilliant ones here! Also- feel free to send me more!)

Day 29: Helpless F/m 📰😴😍

Choice quote: “’I want to be helpless,’ he replied. Juan felt his headspace changing. He threw himself into that feeling, trusting Josie to take the reins.“

HypnoBS- 5. Not a scene log, but pretty much How I Top.

Day 30: Awaken 🔊😴👨‍🔬

Choice quote: “Aaaaaand-awaken!”

HypnoBS- 5 Hypnotist BS- also a 5

Thank you all for reading these! Thank you especially to everyone who reblogged, wrote me comments, and generally supported me through this past month. I’m going to specifically single out @daja-the-hypnokitten, @wellgnawed, and @spiralturquoise for the encouragement- y’all are the best. :) I know this is a long post, but I’d really appreciate reblogs of it!

Also, I didn’t have time to contribute myself but- if you donate to Hypnokink for Trans Lives, let me know and I’ll write you an epilogue for any of these stories that you choose.

#Hypnovember 2020 #master post #me/my accomplishments #thank you all again for reading!#seeing people actually liking my stuff gives me a ton of energy to keep going #<3 #19746 words and almost an hour of audio #an entire month of my life :P #not a novel but definitely a novella

71 notes · View notes

obeyme-kaidii · 4 years ago

Text

Obey Me Tips

General Obey Me Gameplay Advice

I really love Obey Me. Really really really love it. I love the characters and the stories, and I really love the fan content that’s been created for it. I’ve never been involved in a fandom before, but I have to say it’s pretty amazing finding like minded people to interact and share these things with. I’m not brave enough to write fanfic, but I can give game play advice and do math, so that’s why I write these guides.☺️

My advice here is either from personal experience or because I did the research and the math so I could figure out the answer. I’ll always have proof to back up my assertions, if you’d like to see for yourself if my theories hold water. (I’ve even started a free account on my iPad just so I can thoroughly test all my recommendations from the perspective of a non-paid player.)

Please keep in mind that my advice is geared towards players that view finishing the normal mode lessons/main story as their priority. You may prefer to collect outfits or bloom all your favorite cards, and that’s quite alright too.

So without any further ado, here are my general gameplay tips and advice.

An ideal team consists of 3 Demon cards and 3 Memory cards per type.

But a team with only 2 Demon cards and 2 Memory cards per type is also viable for the normal mode lessons at this stage in the game (up to lesson 40).

This is because of the 2.6x type boost for primary types and 1.9x type boost for secondary types per level. The boost only applies to the cards that match the types on that level - so on a level with Envy as its primary type, the Envy stat on your Envy cards will receive the 2.6x boost.

So while that 2.6x boost is pretty awesome, the 1.9x boost is nothing to scoff at either. And if you have 2 Demon and 2 Memory cards of each type, then you can guarantee that all of your cards will receive some sort of boost on all the new levels.

For the first season of levels (lessons 1 - 20), you can get by with just a single team of 3 Demon cards and 3 Memory cards because the type boost for those levels works differently and applies to all cards, not just the ones that match the types for the level.

(And don’t forget you can only use 1 Demon card per brother on a single team. So if you have two Greed cards, but they are both Mammon, you’ll only be able to use one Mammon at a time. Don’t waste your time powering up both of them.)

Powering your cards up evenly is the best way to advance in the game.

I don’t know how it got started, but at some point everyone became convinced that the best way to advance was to work on a single card at a time. And that’s simply not true. In fact, it’s pretty bad advice if I’m being honest.

Things get more expensive as your cards get stronger and you get less strength for the effort. When you level your cards evenly you’re able to get more strength combined for the amount of Grimm you spend.

(If you’d like to see the math on this, I have a whole 4 part series that breaks it down bit by bit packed with examples.)

This advice applies to stars too. Bring all your cards for your teams to 1 star, then 2 stars etc. Sometimes you’ll already have the mats on hand to unlock more stars on cards of certain types, and that’s totally cool and fine to do. But when you are short on mats and trying to figure out what to work towards next, remember to strengthen your weaker cards first.

Use Grimm to level up your cards.

You do receive a small portion of experience in battles that will help your cards gain levels. But because of the mechanics of the battles and how long they take, I really don’t recommend grinding them for experience to save a few Grimm.

Maybe if you had a ton of free time and nothing better to do, I guess? But it’s just not worth the trouble to me. I think it would be a better use of your time to use the “x3” or “x5” button and just get it over with, and then go read some smutty fanfics, where you get pounded by the demon(s) of your choice. 🙃

It is worth mentioning though that the addition of the “SKIP” feature for battles where you overpower your opponent by a large margin makes it much easier to earn experience through battles, but you’ll still occasionally be given a Surprise Guest to entertain. It’s up to you to decide if that delay is worth the experience.

Stars are overrated.

I already mentioned how for most of the game my cards only had 3 stars. And that’s because the amount of time and effort you have to spend to farm hard mode materials in pretty crazy. It’s just not worth the effort to get hung up on them. You’ll quickly find yourself struggling to advance if you get distracted by the stars.

You’re better off doing events to get new cards and waiting for Levi’s Otaku Bootcamp to roll around, and doing the hard mode battles then. And if you just absolutely have to have some hard mode mats - buy the extra levels from the current event so at least you can get extra event points (and thus more rewards).

Only spend your Demon Vouchers in sets of 10.

That guarantee of getting 1 SSR card is pretty gosh darn important especially for free players that don’t have DV to waste. I know it’s tempting to spend them as you earn them, but try to resist the temptation. My biggest regret is that I didn’t spend my DV more wisely when I first started.

Don’t waste your DV on Chapter A.

Besides the UR cards, all of the cards in Chapter A can be won in the event Nightmares. So unless you really really want one of the OG Demon UR cards (which I admit, they are all pretty awesome), don’t do it. And if there is a specific UR card you want, you should try to wait until the birthday event for that demon for a better chance at getting that specific UR card (assuming they continue the pattern of releasing birthday Nightmares for all the brothers).

Invest in Chapter M when you get the chance (be sure to use 10 DV at a time).

This is important to free players especially because it’s the best way to get Memory cards. Odds are you won’t be able to get enough points for the new events to win the SSR or UR Memory cards so you’ll have to get them somewhere.

(Replaying the old events in Lonely Devil is also another good option because the rewards were much cheaper and easier to acquire than they are now.)

Don’t neglect your Memory cards.

I really cannot emphasize this enough. I know they give less strength than the Demon cards, but they are still really important in terms of not only strength, but also their special skills that can boost your strength during a dance battle (or hinder your opponent).

Glow sticks are amazing.

I love glow sticks. I always try to use the type specific glow sticks first, and save my rainbow glow sticks for when the type specific ones aren’t enough. And if you’re a free player, the rainbow ones are arguably the best way to spend your Raven.

But please don’t waste your glow sticks. If you can’t beat a level after 1 shot, take a break and look at how you can strengthen your team before trying again. You’ll be surprised at how much easier it’ll be to advance if you just add 5 levels to a card on your team whenever you get stuck.

Rainbow glow sticks - grant you a 30% boost to the Strength of the card you equip it to

Single color glow sticks - grant you a 10% boost to the Strength of the card you equip it to

If you are 10,000 strength stronger than your opponent, you have a really good chance of winning with 2 stars.

If you go for 20,000 - 30,000 strength over your opponent, it’s pretty much a guarantee at getting 3 stars.

There are exceptions to this where special skills come into play (especially in boss battles), but this has been my experience when advancing through the normal levels.

If a level is giving you trouble, try to counter the opponent’s special skills.

This was especially important for the boss battle with Diavolo at the end of Lesson 40. His combination of skills was absolutely brutal.

My original recommended team was over 50,000S above Diavolo’s S and I barely filled the bar halfway. But when I switched to a team that focused on countering all of his skills, I was able to win with a considerably weaker team.

(Yep, you’re reading that right. Beel was only level 10.)

The cards with the Abilities that can counter these skills are found in the new event Nightmares. Both the UR cards and the SSR card will have whatever the featured Ability is. The SSR cards will simply neutralize the opponent’s skill when it’s activated, but the UR cards “reflect” the skill back to your opponent so that they are cursed instead.

Only buy DV from the 99 DP offers that are available when you level up.

Or during special sales like Solomon’s Summoning Sale. Or specific packages in Mammon’s Rip-off Sale.

Sometimes you’ll need to spend some DP because you have no DV left and really want a chance at a specific card, but try to avoid doing so as much as possible. Your DV and DP will go further and last longer if you save and spend it wisely. This is especially important for free players who have to balance card collecting with building stronger teams.

Whenever you have Grimm to spare, dump it into Chapter G.

This will be your primary way to earn Raven. And Raven is a great way to buy rainbow glow sticks, additional Demon Vouchers, and now even card pieces for certain SSR and UR cards.

They also have the outfits for all the brothers demon forms which are pretty neat. I do own them all, but that’s not exactly necessary and definitely not the best use of Raven. 😂

If you need friends for the daily AP, just add all the top players from the current event.

The top players are the ones most likely to be active, and know how to use the feature to add friends. (Let’s not talk about how long it took me to figure that out when I first started playing, ok? Lol) So they’ll be the ones most likely to accept your friend request and send you AP daily.

On my free account, I just started at rank 1 and sent requests to everyone down to about rank 200 or so until I had 50 friends. And then whenever I had some new spots open up, I’d do the same thing again. I’d also check my Friends Request section to see if I had any new requests from other active players.

Oh, and I periodically remove friends that haven’t played in over 2 weeks. No sense in keeping them on my friends list when there are plenty of new people and active players who could use the free AP and send me some as well.

That’s all I’ve got for now! I hope these tips help you out some if you ever find yourself stuck and uncertain as what to do next. ❤️

#obey me #obey me tips #obey me advice from kaidii #obey me strategy #obey me guide

69 notes · View notes

dumplingfaye · 3 years ago

Text

Here’s my top 30 strongest characters in Black clover

(I’m trying to be extremely fair but there is some biased so if there’s someone that doesn’t make that much sense why they’re highly ranked it’s because I’m biased one character in particular and I’m doing this because someone made a absolutely god awful top 15)

Charlotte Roselei .30

if you wonder why she’s ranked so low it’s because even though she fought Vanica and won that was when Vanica was weaker and once Vanica went 100% she creamed Charlotte plus her magic was only effective because it was cursed magic if she fought any of the other dark triad members she would have probably lost

Lumiere Silvamillion Clover/Licht .29/.28

if you’re wondering why they’re so low on the list it’s because they couldn’t defeat Zagred and contrary to some people’s beliefs Zagred is actually extremely weak at least compared to the other Devils

Zagred .27

he’s very powerful what can I say but he’s pretty low on the list because well he is smart however when it comes to fighting he’s very bland and does the exact same thing over and over

Luck Voltia/Leopoldo Vermillion/Charmy Pappitson/Mimosa Vermillion .26/.25/.24/.23

a basic summary they all have true magic and intern they all have ultimate magic (Luck has Elven magic as well which also gives him an extra boost) (Leopoldo is a Royal and trains a lot so he doesn’t gets left behind)” not that that helps”(Charmy is a hybrid of a human and a dwarf)and (Mimosa is a Royal as well as a recovery mage but that doesn’t mean that she can’t put up a good fight)

Nozel Silva/Fuegoleon Vermillion 22/.21

(Nozel to tell the truth i’m not actually sure how much powerful he’s gotten over the last six months but he’s probably going to play a big role soon so this is also kind of his biased) as for (Fuegoleon to tell the truth I kind of think he’s pretty weak but maybe he has spirit dive so that’s why he’s here if he doesn’t well he’s not even on the list in that case)

Zora Ideale .20

you’re probably wondering why he’s here This isn’t me being biased because I’m kind of indifference towards Zora but he’s here because his magic is quite interesting he can reflect someone’s attack and double its power and he possibly even has more tricks up his sleeve after all it has been six months

Magna Swing: .19

now you’re probably wondering why he’s so low on the list after all he beat Dante well that’s actually pretty simple it’s because to me this is actually kind of me being biased I don’t actually like Magna in fact I actually hate him but to me personally I think his trump card is for very pacific conditions for starters we know that Dante is extremely strong right when it comes to magic but when it comes to intellect or physical strength he has none so to me if Magna fights someone with either of those things or God for bid both I personally think he would lose but this could just be my bias talking

Gaja .18

he fought the wizard king to a stalemate and he was able to fight Devil Lolopechka to an even degree when he wasn’t even trying to hurt her but she was trying to hurt him (I could be wrong please don’t get mad at me keep in mind this is just my opinion)

Julius Novachrono(at prime) .17

Julius at his prime everyone stroke his power and even though Yami trained for six months he was still weaker than Julius he only became stronger after he surpassed his limits

Yami Sukehiro .16

(dimension slash/Equinox)(death thrust)(Black hole) etc.

Jack the Ripper .15

if I’m being honest I’m pretty sure if he fought Magna he would probably lose (because he has a weak body and doesn’t have that much intellect) but because his magic is so versatile that he can adapt to the magic attribute it’s against he possibly could do incredible things with it even though I kind a wish he would die I don’t like him either

Devil Lolopechka .14

To tell the truth I’m not exactly sure if she’s stronger than anyone who’s on the list but I assume she is at the very least I know she’s stronger than Charlotte but because she’s a devil she’s probably stronger than most of the other characters

Zenon Zogratis /Yuno Grinberryall .13/.12

if I’m being honest I don’t actually know who’s stronger because even though at the beginning of their fight (of course not in their first one) Yuno was indeed winning the fight but after Zenon went 100% it came to a stalemate so I’m not exactly sure who is stronger (one is a devil user) and the other (is a spirit user) so 50/50 ╰(0 ~ 0)╯

Dante Zogratis/Vanica Zogratis: .11/.10

I mean they’re both stupid and they’re both strong and I didn’t put them in the same boat as Zenon because when Vanica heard that “Yami was defeated by Zenon” she said that he might not be as strong as she hoped implying that she was stronger than Zenon plus Dante has the king of all devils so that’s why there here

Dorothy Unsworth .9

this might be my bias talking but because she has her own world (created by magic) she can conjure up anything she wants and of course she’s gotten stronger over the six months so that’s why she’s highly ranked

Mereoleona Vermillion .8

She’s fighting a demon God and even though her magic is being absorbed she can still fight so yeah

Noelle Silva/Acier Silva .7/.6

to me personally they don’t actually have that many differences when it comes to strengths because both of them defeated Vanica and sure Vanica was weaker when she fought Acier but (Acier had to protect both of her children plus she died because of Megicula’s interference) and Acier was able to leave a permanent mark on Vanica

Nacht Faust .5

(OKAY if I’m being honest this is extremely biased I really like him a lot) but Nacht was able to cream Asta and Liebe for two days straight and while they were being cured he wasn’t (I mean it’s possible he was but I didn’t see it and neither did you” except in Fanart”) and they were able to defeat Dante and fight on par with Yami when they were weaker and out of breath and not even working in conjunction with each other so yeah and when he fought Naamah and Lilith he was able to perform a spell that is on the same level as supreme devils and the only reason why they were able to break through it is because Naamah and Lilith burn/freeze everything even invincible concepts/constructs and they were the strongest Devils we’ve seen so far at that pint in time and even though they were playing with him at a stalemate they were still stronger than anything they faced before and he was able to keep them busy for a little while wow this one was long

Naamah and Lilith .4

I just said it before but they’re able to burn/freeze everything you need including invincible concept/constructs anyhow they’re basically extremely strong and they could cream everyone on the list except the people who are higher than them

Megicula .3

well he/she (I don’t want to assume genders and be wrong) basically trashes on everyone in mere instant

Asta & Liebe .2

Devil union is just that over powered I mean it’s able to take out transformations such as spirit dive possibly other devil unions and of course normal spells such as Valkyrie dress or princess healing flower robe as well spirit of hellfire etc. able to dispel mana-zone based rooms is able to cut through any type of magic even if it’s a physical being and the sword themselves already pack a punch by themselves so with extra power that’s just over powered

Lucifuge/Lucifero .1/.0

Who the fu*k did you think was going to be number one/number zero Seriously who they’re literally the main bad guys in this arc it is impossible to tell what they’re capable of but whatever it is we know that they can kill anyone they want in an instant without even trying this isn’t me overhyping them this is a factual thing they are practically the most overpowered creatures in Black clover we have yet to see them and frankly I don’t think we want to I mean both of them killed really kind people Lucifero killed Licita Lucifuge I mean technically he didn’t kill Morgan (Morgen died because he interfered with the Devil ritual) but they killed Nacht and Morgan parents and if we’re being honest their parents well they kind of did deserve death

#Black clover #Black clover Asta #Asta #Black clover Liebe #Black clover Nacht #Black clover Nacht Faust #Nacht Faust #Black clover Noelle #Noelle #Black clover Noelle Silva #Noelle Silva #Black clover Yuno #Yuno #Black clover Yuno Grinberryall #Yuno Grinberryall

7 notes · View notes

zmediaoutlet · 4 years ago

Note

you ever think about hooker sam? at 15, 23, 30? has gay for pay sam ever crossed your mind? ho for dough, lucre for cougar? what are the chances, do you think? being himself, completely himself, maybe with a brother he has suspicions about, and thinking: how bad could it be?

related to the last ask: actually, no! No, it never crosses my mind!

But I think this is because: Sam is such a... fortress. He’s got worries and uncertainties and fears, sure, but I just never, ever see him as violable. (Very much unlike his brother.) Which I think is largely supported by canon, though maybe not by tender Sam!girls, haha. So the normal sorts of excitements and pleasures of hooker!fic just... never apply to Sam, in my head.

That said: as you say, a Sam who’s completely himself but thinking ‘how bad could it be’ w/r/t suspecting that Dean’s done sex work -- in that VERY particular instance -- that is sort of interesting. My instinct is to pull toward soulless!Sam but you say I can’t, since completely himself, so you have to imagine a Sam who: a) needs the cash; b) can’t think of another way to get it easily; c) doesn’t mind the implications. An interesting experiment. Not likely for a younger Sam, e.g. Stanford era, who’s so self-righteously concerned with normal and legal. Nor likely for a late-seasons Sam, who has instant cash whenever via fake cards, so why bother. Two moments, then, where it seems feasible:

5.03: running away from Dean’s disappointment, at his lowest, hitching a ride to anywhere just to not be in the Impala. Huge-shouldered, tall, miserable, in a truckstop restaurant at midnight, no cash and nowhere to be. Just somewhere else. An older guy in a John Deere hat glancing his way, and Sam knowing as he always does when someone wants him, and he chews the inside of his lip and remembers times that Dean came home with bruises on his neck, but not from being choked, and thinking, well. It’s fifty bucks closer to not-here. Maybe.

7.06, roughly: after Bobby realizes the Leviathan are tracking their credit cards, and everything suddenly gets a lot harder. Dean’s drinking like he’s trying out for Beerfest and there are dark shadows under his eyes all the time and there’s this dark pit in him that Sam’s trying not to see, because if he can’t rely on Dean, then-- and Lucifer’s always around, always smiling, always saying can’t do anything right, can you, slugger?-- and they’re down to their last fifty bucks, for a shitty shitty motel room outside Albuquerque, and Dean looks at the stains in the bathroom and closes his eyes and just lays down in all his clothes, on the closer bed, and Sam looks at him and says he’s going out, and he goes to an equally shitty bar and he thinks there’s a chance he could do okay at pool and maybe he could get a bet on the poker, but there’s a woman in a halter top with half the sequins coming off standing outside and she sucks her teeth at him and smiles too friendly and it occurs to Sam, all at once, then. That--that’s an option. Always cash, no Leviathan to see. And maybe not here--not this bar, with these people--but he could--maybe. Lucifer laughing about it, delighted. Cheating on me now, buddy? Dean can’t know--can never, ever know--but. Sam gets off his knees the first time, fifty bucks richer, and it didn’t taste like anything at all, and the guy’s slender and middle-aged and obviously half in love with him, and Sam smiles at him to be nice, but leaves right after. Dean doesn’t ask where the cash came from and they fill up the stolen car, and there’s money for burgers at the drive through. It’s not the worst thing Sam’s done. It doesn’t even rank. He starts pulling up Craigslist M4M, every town they go to.

#spn #my writing #i guess #it sort of got narrativey at the end #but the sort of usual half-lolita sexkitten sam?#he doesn't exist anywhere but tumblr #so definitely not that kind of prozzer fic #from me at least #ever #Anonymous

30 notes · View notes

beansprouts · 3 years ago

Text

Bean's Eurovision 2021 Song Ranking: Part 1

My first eurovision post got a handful of notes, so as I teased, here is my full ranking of all 39 songs in this year's Eurovision Song Contest! Separated into a handful of parts for my own sake, and to build hype :)

>Part 1< | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

A few mentions before I start: (1) I live in America so I won't be voting; I technically could by manipulating SIM cards but that feels against the spirit of the thing, (2) I made this ranking based on the songs themselves before we knew how they would be staged at Rotterdam. (3) Some of these opinions are spicy, especially here in the bottom of the rankings. music is inherently subjective. please don't yell at me >///<

Ranking Numbers 39-30 Under the Cut (in reverse order)

39) El Diablo - Elena Tsagrinou [Cyprus] We start this list already spicy, since El Diablo is some folks' top choice to win. I will not deny that the chorus is catchy as hell, but like... that's what you get when you directly rip off Lady Gaga. The verses, though, are not just bad, they are actively offensive. Did everyone putting El Diablo as their number one miss the lines "Hotter than sriracha on our bodies / Ta-taco tamale, yeah that's my mood / All this spicy melts my ice edges" ? Yuck, no thanks. Oh, and in case you want some cringe to go with your racism, there's a fucking squirrel/elmo voice at the end. I thought we had outgrown that in the mid-2000s? It doesn't even accomplish anything rhetorically (but that checks because there's absolutely nothing artistic about this song).

38) Amen - Vincent Bueno [Austria] I'm sorry, I know I'm biased but I just can't take seriously a song that starts with "amen....I guess." It's too trite. It is literally preventing me from even engaging with the rest of the song. I have a feeling this will rise in my ranking after the contest itself because Vincent Bueno is a very good singer and performer, but for now I can't. Sorry.

37) I Don't Feel Hate - Jendrik [Germany] For an escapee from the lanky whiteboy youtuber cloning facilities, Jendrik seems nice enough. But he cannot be absolved of his responsibilities for this sparkly fecal matter of a song. It's the same kind of fucked up "let's reduce bigotry to hatred and pretend it can be ignored" as Taylor Swift's You Need to Calm Down. Privilege songified. I Don't Feel Hate only escaped being last in my ranking because the ukulele solo and whistles are stupidly catchy.

36) The Lucky One - Uku Suviste [Estonia] Cheesy and depressingly heterosexual. I am asleep.

35) You - Tornike Kipiani [Georgia] Remember how in my last post I mentioned not liking ballads, and prefering higher energy numbers? This is definitely that kind of ballad. I find it hard to rate because I feel exactly no emotional response to it whatsoever.

34) omaga - Benny Cristo [Czech Republic] Poor Benny Cristo. I actually really liked his song last year, it was cute and genuine, all the things that omaga just....isn't? Like, here you've named your song after an "oh my god!" exultation of love, right, and yet the rest of the song is so incredibly vague that it doesn't feel like there's any love involved in the process whatsoever. It's the kind of pop song that Bo Burnham was satirizing with Repeat Stuff, a plastic mockery of a real emotion. And almost a bop.

33) Embers - James Newman [United Kingdom] I've been told this is the UK's first time trying in a while, which is a little yikes for me, chief, because this is one of the most generic pop songs I've ever heard. Feels like it was written by a Markov generator. I mean, it's not...bad, it's just kind of, like, a Times New Roman of a song.

32) Here I Stand - Vasil [North Macedonia] When I saw NikkieTutorial's interview with Vasil I instantly felt horrible that I placed him so low in my ranking, because the dude is so charming and seems like such a true artist. And yet, despite knowing I enjoy it while watching it performed, I have forgotten this song existed and had to look it up to remember it so many times. Even now I can't recall anything from the melody. I'm sorry Vasil...

31) Voy a quedarme - Blas Cantó [Spain] This is another perfectly unmemorable ballad, but I gave it more points for being in Spanish.

30) Amnesia - Roxen [Romania] I'm a bad Romanian-American for putting Roxen so low. But I have my reasons. It irks me that people keep comparing Roxen to Billie Eilish... Billie's music is avant-garde, it's shock value, it's edgy and off-kilter and violent at times. There's nothing edgy about Alcohol You or Amnesia; they're just repetitive piano pieces with slightly unconventional song structure and a juvenile sense of melody. Have we so lost our sense of genre that any young girl singing about her emotions is Billie Eilish now? If Roxen is emulating the style of any Top 20 American artist, I would say that's Christina Perri. Like A Thousand Years, Amnesia is emotional but not raw, and as such feels a little boring. And unfortunately Roxen kind of mumbles, so she doesn't even have Christina Perri's vocal prowess to lean on... That being said, I actually do like the lyrics themselves. As poetry I like Roxen's work. And Amnesia resonates harder than Alcohol You does (at least to me). I'm not going to say that any of her songs are bad, I just don't vibe with the style very much.

#esc 2021 #eurovision #beansprouts commentates #music review

4 notes · View notes

bloodelves88 · 4 years ago

Text

Fundamental Game Design Problems with Genshin Impact

I’ve been playing Genshin Impact since its launch, and I’ve had some sort of a love-hate relationship with it. On one hand, I love the world, the characters, the story, and how it feels so carefree and beautiful. On the other hand, I really hate its leveling system, its gacha system, and the time-reward ratio of its activities.

I find that there are quite a few issues in Genshin Impact that just doesn’t make sense from a game design perspective. These issues make the player want to play less, or avoid features in the game that should not be avoided, and instead should be encouraged to explore. Coincidentally, the very same game design issues do encourage players to spend real money on the game, so I guess that’s the crux of the issue.

Issue 1: The Resin System

If you play Genshin Impact, we all saw this issue coming, didn’t we?

Resin is basically the stamina/energy that you would know in other gacha games. The problem is that there’s just too little resin, which leads to almost every other problem that I’m going to talk about later.

In short, there’s just too little resin given to the player. The amount of time to recover resin is just too long for the amount of rewards given in exchange.

In Genshin Impact, you can spend resin on ley lines (random fights in the open world that give either character experience or money), domains (instanced fights that give you artifact equipment, or weapon ascension materials), and open world bosses (gives you character ascension materials). Nothing wrong with that, so far so good.

What if I told you that you need to spend approximately 5 hours worth of resin in order to get the rewards from a world boss, and that boss might not even drop the material? Just this past week alone, I spent about 5 days worth of resin on just one boss and nothing else, and I came out with no high tier materials at all. On the bright side, the game does allow you to combine lower tier materials into higher tier materials. This still doesn’t sound too bad... but read on to issue 2 and 3 to see why this becomes a problem that snowballs.

Another strange point is that the weekly quests require you to spend more resin than you can recover. This pretty much means that you must spend real money in order to complete the quest. Totally broken.

Issue 2: The World Level System

In Genshin Impact, there is something called a “World Level”. This determines the level of the monsters in the world, which in turn determines the quality of the loot that they drop.

The problem is, the world level increases as your adventure rank increases. Your adventure rank increases when you do pretty much anything in the game. Completing quests, opening chests, completing domains, defeating bosses, and completing ley lines all give you adventure rank experience.

This means that you will be kept on your toes, and you cannot afford to spend your resin on things you do not need. God forbid that you end up with a high world level with weak characters. You’re pretty much dead if that happens.

I’ve not found myself in such a situation yet, and I have no idea if it’s possible to break out of such an impasse. Too weak to farm materials, and no way to get around that. Big oof.

It’s strange, because this is such a chill and calming game, but the system behind it is anything but.

Ever since I hit adventure rank 30, I’ve avoided doing any random quests that I come across in the open world (game design problem: your players are avoiding quests). I simply do not want to level up! I’m scared of leveling up (game design problem: your players do not want to level up).

Now, why does this happen? The resin system! The player is just not able to farm enough to become strong enough to handle a higher world level.

There is a minor breather for this though. Every 10 adventure rank levels starting at level 25, there’s a trial that you have to pass before the world level will go up. This gives the you an infinite amount of time to catch up and farm whatever you want, and the world level will not go up. However, you will still earn adventure rank experience, which will all be added once you’ve passed the trial. I skipped level 26-30 this way and jumped two world levels because of this. Luckily, I was prepared enough to handle it.

You might think that this trial is there to counter this problem of being too weak in the world level you’re in. Nope. The boss (electro hypostasis) in the trial is one of the easiest bosses in the game due to a lack of an enrage timer (DPS check) and it has very obvious attacks that are easily dodged. So... it doesn’t gatekeep anything.

Issue 3: The Leveling System

In Genshin Impact, your characters level up using character experience cards. These cards are dropped from chests, and are given as rewards from quests or ley lines.

In Genshin Impact, you also control a squad of four characters at a time, and elemental reactions and elemental advantages are a big part of the combat system. So, you aren’t just going to be able to get away with training one character, and I’d say that you would need about 6 characters to cover all your bases.

I’ve personally leveled up two characters to 70, one to 60, two to 50, and one to 40. And I’m all out of character experience cards.

The problem? The resin system! Your main source of character experience cards in the late game would be from ley lines, and this requires resin if you want to gain rewards from it. But wait! I also need resin to farm weapon ascension materials and character ascension materials! Well, too bad. Welcome to Genshin Impact.

The fundamental game design issue from this is that it prevents the player from experimentation. You would think, “Hmm, what would character X be like if I used her in this squad? Oh wait, I don’t have the resources to level her up anyway”. You might think that’s fine, because you might think that you could just go farm some resources to level this character up and try her out. But remember issue 2? Your world level might go up while you’re doing this, which will make all content more difficult to clear. Is there really time for experimentation? What if the character doesn’t work out? Then your main squad hasn’t gained any strength while the world level went up. I guess you’re dead.

I’m not even excited about getting new characters anymore, because I know that all they’ll do is sit in my roster at level 1, and the only time they’ll ever get used is when I send them off to collect materials on expeditions. I have a Venti doing just that. Will I ever be able to train him? Ha! Who knows? Maybe when I’m stuck at adventure rank 45.

So from the start of the game, you have to pick your squad, maybe you’re allowed to deviate and level up two new characters on top of your main four, and that’s it. You got to lock that squad in and never use any other character ever again because you just can’t afford to.

Wut.

Issue 4: The Gacha Rates

In Genshin Impact, the highest rarity (5 star) comes at a 0.6% rate. Compared to other popular gacha games which come in at around 1-2%, the difference is huge.

To me, this alone is already an issue from a design perspective. When it’s too low, it can get people frustrated enough to quit the game (I was planning to, until the last roll I could afford gave me Klee). The amount of money the whales are spending just to get a single character or weapon can easily go into the hundreds or even thousands of dollars.

Another problem that arises from the poor rates is you start to lack important archetypes in your squad. For a long time I lacked a heavy-hitting claymore user (this is important to break shields and rocks), and I also lacked someone good against frost enemies. So I spent all my free gems (six 10 rolls, worth US$180) and finally got Klee, a fire bomb user. The game does give a free claymore user, but I don’t have the resources to train another character (see, resin raises its ugly head again). The game also does give a good free fire character, but she isn’t fiery enough to fight a whole domain of frost enemies.

If Genshin Impact wants to keep its gacha rates low, fine by me. But the game needs to give all players a complete and well-rounded set of characters that can cover all bases. Every element needs to be countered, a healer is needed, and a shield-breaker is needed. And this set of characters need to do the job well. Having complete jokes of a character like Amber is not going to help. Having a difficult to understand/build character like Noelle is not going to help.

-----

I do like this game, and I do want to keep playing it. But sometimes I wonder if I should wait a little and let Mihoyo fix the game before I start playing again.

#genshin impact

17 notes · View notes

sailorbellewrites · 5 years ago

Text

More Than You Can Chew

characters— taehyung x reader (aka kiddo) (ft. members of bts)

summary— taehyung has been (not so quietly) obsessed with the young rapper who eats glazed donuts at the corner table every saturday night for some time now. but everyone thinks dating her is biting off more than he can chew.

information— one shot. fluff. femme reader. character inspired by megan thee stallion, cardi b, and lil’ kim. longer than previous works. same universe as “no limit”, now titled the baking news au. there will be a second part to this titled jawbreaker, which will be released later this month.

warnings— strong language. mean & aggressive characters. casual mentions of sex and sexual behavior (but no smut because i’m shy). excessive mentions of the color pink. vague mentions of other celebrities and influencers. taehyung is an adorable tryhard.

more than you can chew—

On the outside looking in, Yoongi was kind of an asshole. He didn’t speak much and when he did, he never had anything nice to say. His face was void of most emotions, except for the sour expression that would develop when Hoseok laughed too loud in the backseat of your car. The happiest you had ever seen him was when the aforementioned male got too excited during a cypher and fell off the stage. Yoongi laughed hysterically for 30 minutes, much to Hoseok’s annoyance. He spent more time in the studio than he did with his fiancée, a fact that resulted in her calling off the wedding three times in the past year. He always wore black, even in the dead of summer. On the inside looking in, he was much worse. That’s why it’s all too easy to tell him “no” when he asks for a favor.

“Awww, come on Kiddo.”

“Fuck off.”

“I never ask you for shit—”

“So why ruin a good thing and start now?” Yoongi rolls his eyes at your words, body falling into the chair across from you. You eye his limp form slowly, appraising the black hoodie and ripped jeans combination he often gravitated to. He looked good, you had to admit. He always did. Yoongi had the bad boy aesthetic down pat, to the point where it came off as effortless. It wasn’t any wonder as to why girls threw themselves at him during club appearances. If you didn’t know what he was really like (and if he wasn’t dating your friend), you might have tried to bed him too. But you mostly envied Yoongi’s appearance, envied how easy he made dressing and rapping and just about everything look. You were always walking a fine line between putting forth too much effort and being called a try hard bitch or putting forth too little and being accused of looking for a handout. You sighed; being a woman in your industry was tough. “Where’s Hope?”

“DJ owes him money or something. He was pissed.” You shake your head, knowing just how intense an angry Hoseok could be. While you could only count on one hand the amount of times you’d seen him truly filled with rage, each new moment was much more scary than the last. The last time ended with him put in handcuffs, though you were able to talk the cop out of actually taking him to the station. “Not important. You need to do this thing for me.”

“No.”

“I’ll make it worth your while.”

You snort at the cheesy line he deploys. “I’m telling your fiancée you said that.” Yoongi shrugs, as though he was not at all scared of his lover’s wrath. As much as he claimed to hate the drama of their relationship, he often did nothing to stop it. In fact, you would find him actively stoking the flames. You suspect he gets off on it. “You’re such a dickhead. You know you don’t deserve her, right?”

“Whatever. If you do this thing, I’ll buy you donuts everyday for a week.”

You slam your hands flat on the table in front of you, using the extra stability to lean yourself closer to him. “You buy me donuts everyday for a month, original glazed only, and you pay full price,” you bargain in a low voice. You are fully aware of how ridiculous you look, perched on the table like some low level gangster, but you can’t find it in yourself to care. Shame was a feeling no longer within you.

Yoongi scoffs in disbelief, shaking his head before you even finish your proposal. “I have never paid full price here and I’m not gonna start now.”

You push yourself off of your table, throwing your hands up in the air. “Take it or leave it!”

“You don’t even know what I want you to do.”

“Take it or leave it!” You repeat even louder.

Yoongi curses under his breath, knowing he’s caught between a rock and a hard place. He shoots a quick glance behind him, instantly met with the wide expectant eyes of the bakery worker now playing cashier. Looking back at you, he sees you pretending to check your nails—long, pink, and sharp—as though you were bored by him. He scoffs again, wondering why he let his partner drag him into this situation before stating, “Okay, fine. Two donuts, everyday, for a month. Will you do it?”

You smirk, crossing your arms in victory as you lean back in your chair. “Sure. Now what am I doing for you?”

“Going on a date with your hero.”

Kim Taehyung has had a crush on you for some time now. It was no secret to anyone who frequented the small yellow bakery; he’d been smitten from the first day—or rather night—that you walked into Baking News. You looked like a model as you strut through the building, high waisted leather pants accentuating your curves and cleavage pushed up to ten in a lacy pink crop top. You ordered two original glazed donuts before he could even stutter out the pun filled greeting Seokjin had come up with, smirk settled on your lips as though you knew just how much you affected him. When he gave them to you half off because it was so close to closing, you called him your hero. He thought your voice sounded like honey. Taehyung was caught in a trance the rest of the night night, and quickly found himself being wrapped up in thoughts of you every time you walked through those glass doors.

He’s asked you out a few times. Movies, cafes, museums, and the park were all on the table for you to pick up at any time, but you never did. You had every excuse under the sun for why you couldn’t go out with him; you were always too tired, too busy, too unavailable. It made sense, in some ways. Rappers were like that. Or at least, that’s what he told himself to ease the sting of rejection. He held onto his hope that you would eventually say yes because, in truth, you had never given him a concrete “no”. Attached to every excuse of why you couldn’t go out with him was the promise of a “next time”. That “next time” is what kept him going, kept him giving you half priced glazed donuts even when it wasn’t closing time, kept his attraction to you alive.

Naturally, though, he got tired of waiting. Seeing Seokjin’s relationship flourish right before his eyes only made him want you more. He wished he could sit you on the counter and kiss you until he couldn’t breathe, wished he could bring you to the kitchen and “ice cakes” (if he was using Seokjin’s terminology). Taehyung was tired of being kept at arm's length. He couldn’t understand what he was missing; what you didn’t see in him. He knew you found him attractive. He heard you say it to Yoongi’s girlfriend before, hearing your “definitive ranking of the Baking News men” as he wiped down the table behind you. But attraction clearly wasn’t enough. Not for you, it seemed.

Luck was on Taehyung’s side one sunny Sunday morning in April, when Yoongi’s girlfriend rushed into the shop with an embarrassed look on her face. He had known the girl people affectionately called Boo for years, having gone to college with her and her sister, but they weren’t close. She was much more attached to Jungkook (in spite of her relationship with Yoongi), having spent lots of time outside of the bakery walls with the younger man. Thus, the beeline she made for Taehyung was strange; even stranger was the desperate plea she frantically whispered in his ear asking if he could give her two dozen glazed donuts and two cups of hot chocolate for free.

“You know I can’t do th—”

“Okay, but just lis—”

“Boo, my boss would kill m—

"I will lose the maid of honor at my wedding if you don’t do this for me!” She shouted out in clear cut frustration, only to slap her own hand over her mouth in shock. She looked around the bakery pitifully and, noting all of the eyes trained on her, lowered her voice. “Look, Yoongi and I got into it at the club last night—bad. He threw my wallet somewhere. We couldn’t find it. I’ll pay you back when I get all my new cards, I promise. You know I’m good for it. But if I don’t bring some kind of peace offering to her, she won’t be in the wedding.”

Taehyung’s eyes squinted in confusion. “I don’t get why you need donuts for this friend when you’re fighting with your boyfriend.”

“Well he’s my fiancé for starters.”

“Sure, sure,” Taehyung responded with an eye roll, motioning his hand for the woman in front of him to continue.

“And… I may have forgotten that I was her ride back home. She ended up walking by herself… in the rain.”

“Jesus, what the hell is wrong with you?” Taehyng chided, now understanding the source of her odd behavior. “I understand why your friend would want to quit your wedding. You’re an asshole.”

“I am not—listen, that's not the point. The point is… I need the donuts and the hot chocolate. That’s the only way I can start getting back on her good side. If I don’t, she’s never gonna talk to me again. She holds a grudge like you wouldn’t believe. She’s worse than Yoongi.”

Taehyung clicked his tongue, not exactly moved by her story, but knowing she wouldn’t take another “no” easily. “Why don’t you ask Jungkook? He won’t get fired, no matter how much he messes up. It’s too high of a risk for me.”

“I would, but she says you’re the only one who makes the hot chocolate right. Something about always putting caramel or cinnamon in there and that Jungkook doesn’t know how to do it. It has to be you.” Taehyung’s throat dried up at her words, understanding that this friend wasn’t just some random girl with a donut obsession; this friend was you.

Taehyung liked working the cafe side of the bakery more than the others. He didn’t hate icing cakes or kneading dough, but he thoroughly enjoyed the interaction that came from making the quick drinks and packaging small desserts. He could also keep his eye on you more easily when working the counter. That’s how he learned that you loved warm, sweet drinks, particularly when you were having a bad day. However, you found the bakery’s hot chocolate missing something; so Taehyung started experimenting with adding extra flavors to your order. When you told him that you liked the vanilla/cinnamon combination the best, he always made sure to add those for you, regardless of if you asked for it specifically or not. He didn’t do this for anyone else though; didn’t care to see anyone else smile the way you did when you lifted the cup to your lips and took a sip. So it had to be you that Yoongi’s girlfriend was talking about, because you were the only person who got special hot chocolate.

“Okay,” Taehyung said, voice confident, “I’ll get the things ready for you now. Should take about five minutes.”

“Wait… really?” The woman asked, a big smile spreading on her face. “Oh my god, I’m so relieved. You are saving my weddin—no, you are saving my life! I’ll pay you back in like a week, tops. I promise! I’ll even pay extra.”

“You don’t have to pay me back,” Taehyung said quickly, throwing his hands up. “I’ll cover it. Money is not that important. It would be like 15 thousand at most. You don’t need to stress over 15 thousand.”

“Oh,” she responded with a pout, voice deflating. “Well… I can’t do nothing… that would be using you. I’m not Yoongi; I don’t use people. What can I give you to pay you back if not money?”

Taehyung shrugs, unsure of what the woman in front of him could possibly give him before it dawns on him. “A date.”

“A date? With me?”

He scoffs. “With your friend. Get her to agree to go out with me just once and we’re more than even.” For a moment, Boo looks as though she is going to say no. Taehyung knew it would be a hard sell for you, not only accepting your friend’s apology, but then agreeing to go on a date to pay for that apology. But he can see her resolve strengthen and she gives him a firm nod.

That’s how Taehyung ends up sitting across from you on a chilly Tuesday night, watching you fiddle with the tangled up wires of your earbuds and phone charger. Your studio was small, but brighter than Taehyung anticipated. The walls were white, lit up by pink fairy lights that had small polaroid photos pinned between each bulb. The love seat and rolling desk chair you were currently sitting in were a pale grey color, but held bright pink and yellow throw pillows. On your desk were two white computer monitors, a set of studio monitors, a pink MIDI controller, a black control surface, and a set of rose gold over ear headphones with the word ‘kiddo’ engraved on each side. The whole space was, for lack of a better term, girly. Far girlier than you had ever presented yourself to Taehyung; but, as you told him, the design was on purpose.

“They’re so dark all the time,” you murmur, followed by a short ‘ah’ as you finally get all the cords untangled and manage to plug in your phone. You turn in your chair to face him, annoyed expression on your face as you continue, “every single one of them have these ugly black walls and stupid pictures of naked girls all over the place. I swear, half of them are hard every time they record. It’s suffocating and awkward. When I finally got the money to get my own studio, I had to make sure the space prioritized my comfort. You know?”

“I do,” Taehyung whispers back in awe. He decides he loves listening to you talk. Your voice was already the sweetest that he had ever heard, but your way with words was even better. The way you put words together always garnered a reaction from him, even if you weren’t trying. It wasn’t any wonder why you became a rapper. “How do the guys in your crew feel when they record here?”

“Hope doesn’t mind it, but everyone else thinks it’s excessive. I get it. It doesn’t fit the whole Kiddo image.”

“Why do they call you Kiddo, anyway? That’s nothing like your real name.” Taehyung asks, placing his elbows on his knees and holding his own face in his hands as he waits patiently for your answer.

You hum as you think of it, mirroring his pose in your chair and Taehyung didn’t think you could get any cuter than you were now. You were a far cry from the barely there outfits he often saw you wear in the bakery before (or occasionally after) performances, wearing a pink sweater dress that was two sizes too big if the way it swallowed you up was any indication. He just wanted to hold you in his arms, but he wasn’t sure you were there yet. It had only been two hours that he had been in the studio in which you insisted the date take place and you had kept your physical affection to a minimum. At most, you poked his shoulder and cheek when teasing him about the puns he had to say when taking orders at work. However, the conversation flowed so naturally and you hadn’t asked him to leave yet; he was sure the night would end with you feeling something more for him than before.

“You know the movie Kill Bill? The main character’s real name is Beatrix Kiddo.”

“You named yourself after a movie assassin?”

“Oh no. That would be so generic and cliche. Suga actually picked out the name. When I first started out, I was going by something completely different. But I covered this song called "Chill Bill" that got a lot of attention a couple years ago and someone commented that I… I think they said I killed or murdered the beat like Kiddo or something. I can’t really remember the exact thing too well. Anyway, Suga thought that it would be a good voice tag and then the tag became a nickname and… well here we are. I’m Kiddo now.”

“Can I listen to the song that inspired the name?”

You sit up abruptly. “Hell no. That song is awful. I’m so much better now.”

“You can’t invite me to your studio and not let me listen to your music. Be a better date,” he teases, causing you to release a small giggle. “You have to let me listen to something at least. What are you working on?”

You shake your head with a small smirk, turning back to face your desk. Your hand grips the mouse and you click around on one of the screens as you move to pull up your latest song. However, you still question him, asking, “Are you sure you want to listen? It’s kind of raunchy.”

“I can handle it.”

“My lyrics aren’t for the faint of heart, Taehyung.”

“Give it to me,” he requests excitedly and you instantly press play. He lets out a loud laugh as soon as he hears the lyrics, instantly understanding their intent even though they are in English. Your warning was more than necessary, as you spit out graphic depictions of sexual acts in a cocky tone of voice. The dichotomy of your current appearance with the words coming out of the speakers only makes him laugh harder, as his brain fails to connect the two personas together.

You stop the song, turning to face him with a shocked look on your face. “Are you really laughing at my music? Seriously?”

“No, no!” He chokes out, waving his hands in the air to show his innocence as his laughter winds down into sporadic giggles. “It’s not like that. I don’t think it’s bad. I’m just surprised by it.” He can tell from the look on your face that you don’t believe him. And Taehyung isn’t sure what comes over him in that moment, but he suddenly finds himself rocking forward to cradle your face in both of his hands as though he was handling fine china. You tense in his grasp, but make no moves to pull away as he whispers, “Don’t look at me like that. I wouldn’t lie to you. The song is good. You just look so much… softer than that song right now. It caught me off guard; but I would never laugh at you. I like you too much to do that.”

His sincerity has you reeling. Although he stopped speaking, he doesn’t let you go. Instead, his eyes study your face like you’re a piece of artwork, committing every new detail he finds to memory as though he’s worried that he’ll never see you again. His eyes finally settle on your lips, becoming lidded as you are able to guess what he wants.

“Are you going to kiss me?” You question quietly.

“I want to. Are you going to let me?”

“Yes.” He gives you two slow blinks before he bends his head down to slot his lips against yours.

It’s soft at first, the gentle pressure of his lips coaxing your own open as though he’s still asking for permission. When you angle your head up to move your lips against his better, he lets out a small whimper that sends a shiver up your spine. It continues on like this for a few seconds before he slips tongue inside of your mouth. All hell breaks loose within you then, as you wrap your arms around his neck to get closer to him. This act causes him to finally release your face, hands dropping to your waist. The kiss gets deep, tongues wrestling with each other as he fights against you to take the lead. When the struggle continues for longer than he would like, his hands firmly grip your waist and pull you forward off of your chair until you're straddling his thighs. He wins the battle when he pulls your hips down at the same time that he grinds his hips up. The friction is more intense than you were prepared for, only then remembering the only barrier between your center and his jeans was a thong you had slipped on in haste. He repeats the action once more before pulling away with a big gasp for breath. You rest your forehead against his as you take in deep breaths of your own. You make note of his expression—satisfaction.

“So is this date as bad as you imagined it being?” He whispers against your lips, fingers running up and down your back gently as he breathing finally calms.

You pout at his question. “Why would you ask that?”

“You avoided it for so long.”

“I… I was… I don’t know,” you stutter out, unsure of how to respond to the call out. It’s hard to think when the room is so hot, when he’s still so close to you, when his crotch is still pressed firmly against your own. “I just didn’t… wanna make things awkward?”

“Are things awkward now?”

“Not really. No.”

“So what do you think?”

“About what?”

“About dating me.”

“You ask a lot of questions, Kim Taehyung. It’s been one date.”

“I just know what I want,” he responds seriously, voice dropping an octave as he makes eye contact with you and holds your stare. “I like you. I like you more now than I did before. I want you. Do you want me too?”

“I… yeah. I guess I like you too. We can… Let’s see where this goes.”

“Here.”

You jump up to your feet at the sound of a familiar deep voice. Looking up, you’re met with the sight of a pink cardboard cup wrapped up in pale, ring clad fingers. “You came,” you note, reaching for the cup as you get your first real look at Taehyung that night. He easily lets you have it, hand slipping behind your neck to pull you into for a quick hug. He releases you with a kiss to your temple, a lazy smile sitting on his face that you admittedly find more attractive than you should. You often found yourself wishing that he wasn’t so outwardly handsome; dealing with an attractive partner always causes issues.

“You thought I wouldn’t?” He questions. You shrug. Taehyung was easily the most attentive person you ever dealt with. You woke up to emoji filled good morning texts every morning and didn’t hit your bed without a sweet phone call wishing you a good night. He commented on every picture you posted to Instagram, was five minutes early to every date, and sent food to your studio when he knew you were too busy to eat something real. You would have felt suffocated by his intensity if not for the lackadaisical way he went about being with you: most dates ending on his old couch, watching mind numbing TV shows as he cradled you in his arms to talk about nothing. He made you feel precious and that worried you. You were left wondering how he would treat you when he finally realized you weren’t worth your weight in gold.

“What’s this?”

“Hot chocolate.”

“Why?”

“Boo told me you were stressing.”

“Does this have cinnamon and vanilla in it?”

He rolls his eyes at you in a mock display of annoyance. “Doesn’t it always?”

“My hero,” you coo gently at him, voice upping in pitch as though you were speaking to a child. He doesn’t mind your patronizing tone, responding with a megawatt smile that would make even the most stoic person happy. You take a small sip, letting out a small breath some of the tension you were feeling begins to melt away.

“What were you doing back here?” Taehyung asks, concern pulling at the edges of his words, despite how casual he attempted to sound. He was never good at hiding his emotions when it came to you. You liked that. He never left you guessing at where you stood with him.

“Hiding,” you answer honestly, not ashamed of your actions. You had been crouched behind the club for at least twenty minutes, going over your lyrics and the performance blocking in your head again and again. Rehearsals hadn’t gone well, with Hoseok’s nerves shot due to the knowledge that his favorite producer would be in the building and Yoongi still pissed about some argument he had gotten into with his girlfriend. You also weren’t at your best, anxious about having Taehyung in the audience. He had seen videos of you performing before, but he had never been in the audience. You didn’t know what he would think of the environment and the people that it attracted. He claimed he didn’t scare easy, but everybody did.

“Hiding from what?”

“Just people. You know how I feel about people.”

“You must be glad I’m not just people then, huh?” He joked, hand sneaking over to yours and lacing your fingers together. You let out a non-committal hum that has him tightening his grip in faux warning. “Stop pretending that you don’t like me.”

“What time is it?”

He looks at his watch. “11:34.”

“I’m on in like 40 minutes,” you told him, moving forward to pull him to the front of the club. He lets you lead him, submitting to you more easily than most men would in his situation. Whereas many of the men who found themselves lucky enough to get close to you tried to wear you like an accessory, molding you against their form to make them appear more interesting than they were, Taehyung found solace staying in the background. It was nice.

“There you are!” Hoseok yells as you approach, his voice far higher in pitch than what was normal even for him. He stands in the center of your crew, wearing a distressed look on his face as he scolds you with the same intensity of an overworked stay-at-home mom. “We go up soon. Where have you been?”

“Hiding.”

“Not the fucking time for hiding dumbass,” he snaps at you, making Yoongi laugh.

The palm of your hand disconnects from Taehyung’s and lands on Hoseok’s chest with a loud thwap before you can blink. The following five hits are more deliberate though, punctuating your words as you shout, “Don’t call me a dumbass!” Hoseok lets out rough grunts at the hits, responding with a harsh shove that sends you flying back into Taehyung. You let out a snarky laugh.

It had taken Taehyung some time to get used to this aspect of your relationship with your friends. They all treated you as though you were one of the guys, pushing and shoving you around with glee in spite of the fact that some of them were much bigger than you. You always matched their energy though, whether physically or verbally. You never backed down, which is why they seemed to respect you. Still, it was hard for Taehyung to watch you roughhouse with them. He was afraid there would be a day it would go too far, although you were adamant that you could always handle yourself.

“Alright now, children, let’s calm down,” Yoongi said in a condescending tone. “We have to work soon, no fighting on stage.”

“Are you ready?” Hoseok asks, ignoring Yoongi’s words.

“Are you ready?” You parrot back, much to his clear annoyance. “I’m not the one who forgot my lyrics today. Are you ready?”

“Let’s just go inside,” Yoongi groaned out, making his way towards the entrance of the club in a way that demanded everyone else follow suit.

A VIP section of tables is where you lead Taehyung, sitting him down in a seat next to Yoongi’s girlfriend. “You should be able to see us really well from here,” you note, playing with the rings that adorn his fingers. “Nobody should mess with you either. If they do, tell her,” you instruct, nodding your head towards your friend currently having her own private discussion with Yoongi, “because she’s worse than me.”

“I heard that!” The girl in question yells back. You roll your eyes and press your lips quickly against Taehyung’s own before you make your way to the stage. “Oh fuck, who invited them?” The woman sitting next to him mutters angrily, pointedly staring at three men who walk into the section and take a seat at a table adjacent to where Taehyung is seated. He doesn’t recognize them, though it’s clear from the way others in the section tense up that they aren’t welcome guests. He makes a decision to ignore them, focusing his attention on the stage where a DJ continues to play popular hip hop songs from abroad.

Suddenly, the lights on the stage brighten up and the music comes to a stop. The DJ begins hyping up the crowd for the upcoming performance and Taehyung is stunned at the amount of excitement people show when your name is mentioned. It multiplies ten fold when a spotlight finally highlights your place on the stage and the performance begins. He’s mesmerized. You handle yourself well. You seem to know exactly when to draw attention to yourself and when to step back and let the others shine. It’s clearly calculated, but you make it look easy. It’s hard for all eyes not to be on you, though. You’re the only woman on stage and the hot pink crop top you’ve chosen to wear makes you stick out amongst the rest of your crew dressed in all black. When you happily dance around Hoseok as a distraction to make the man stutter out his lyrics, Taehyung can’t help but laugh.

“She’s good, right?” A voice asks, forcing Taehyung’s attention away from you. Next to him stands a large man, muscled arms crossed at his chest and covered in black tattoos. He holds an unimpressed gaze as he stares at the stage, as though he’s seen it all before. “He freaks out everytime she pulls that little stunt. He’s so whipped for her. She needs to just fuck the poor bastard already.”

“Excuse me?” Taehyung asks at the same time that Yoongi’s girlfriend shouts, “Why are you over here?”

“Calm down, Boo,” the man states with a light chuckle, eyes still on the stage. “Just here to support my girl.” The man then turns his gaze to Taehyung, “But I guess she’s your girl now, right? I see you all over her Instagram and Twitter. You must be really giving it to her good. She never posts about who she’s fucking.” Taehyung tenses at the man’s words, but does not offer up a response. The man looks back towards the stage with an amused laugh. “Didn’t think she would fuck pretty boys though. Her type is a little more… tough.”

He knows he’s being tested. It has happened more than once. As much as the guys you hung around pretended that they didn’t care about your dating life, they were actually extremely protective over you. There were endless threats whispered into his ear when he found himself in your studio during actual recording sessions. It never bothered him, though. He found it a bit heartwarming that men who would push you down to get the last piece of chicken would also fight for you so easily. But this was different. The man standing beside Taehyung eyes you like a predator stalking prey. It makes Taehyung’s skin crawl.

The performance ends with a bang, the energy in the room still electric as you make your way off the stage. The pride painted on your face as you are stopped by various people in the crowd warms Taehyung’s heart. It’s the happiest that he has ever seen you. You and the guys practically bounce back into the section, still riding the high of a successful performance. However, your happy steps slow to a crawl when you realize who is standing next to him. Of course the one person you didn’t want to see would find his way over to Taehyung. You could see the agitation in Taehyung’s face as the two exchanged words.

Sensing your apprehension, Hoseok throws his arm around your neck happily, leaning most of his body weight on you. “I can punch him if you want,” Hoseok offers lazily, as though it would be all too easy. It would, but you knew that the aftermath wouldn’t be pretty. “If your pretty boy won’t do it, I mean. It’s been a while since we’ve been in a real fight.”

You shudder slightly under his hold as you remember exactly what happened the last time you got into a fight. Hoseok was still banned from two clubs over that incident. “Calm down, Hope. I don’t wanna get kicked out of another club.”

“No fun,” he whispers in your ear. “Are you gonna go in there and save him?” You release an annoyed scoff at the idea because it’s nowhere near your job to rescue a grown man. “I wonder what they’re talking about,” Hoseok muses. “If I had to guess? Probably your weird bathroom sex kin—oof!” You cut him off with an elbow to the ribs, sighing in relief as he removes himself from you. “Go get your boyfriend before he’s not your boyfriend anymore, asshole.”

“Fine.” You make an effort to straighten your back and set your shoulders back before you start the short journey to where Taehyung is seated next to your ex. You slip your arm through Taehyung’s when you make your way there, only mildly surprised by how quickly he tangles his long fingers through your own and pulls you closer. You ex smirks at the interaction, pleased by the effect he had. “Hey,” you say much more confidently than you feel.

“Well if it isn’t our favorite girl,” your ex barks out happily, throwing you a wink. You can’t help but roll your eyes. “Me and your friend here were just talking about you.” Taehyung quietly grunts at the word ‘friend’ beside you, but neither of you make a move to correct the person standing in front of you. You knew responding to the minor dig would only further feed his ego. “We both had a lot to say.”

“Only nice things, I hope?” You ask, your question pointed more at Taehyung. The boy offers you a reassuring smile in return causing you to let out a breath you didn’t realize you were holding. You could only imagine the things that had been said, both true and untrue.

“I was telling your new friend here all of the things we used to do together. He couldn’t believe how wild you used to be. I’m so surprised by how much you’re holding back on him, love. That’s so unlike you.”

“Don’t call me love,” you respond almost robotically. It had become an automatic response to his continued usage of the pet name in recent months. In actuality it had been years since you were with the heavily tattooed man, but Taehyung had no way of knowing that. Past relationships were one of the few topics both of you agreed to stay away from. It would only cause more problems.

“Don’t exaggerate for my benefit,” Taehyung suddenly speaks up, eyeing the man thoughtfully.

“Hmm?” The man hums out.

“Lying is only gonna make you look like more of an asshole.”

“You wish I was lyi—” Before the man can finish his retort, you hear your name being screamed out over the thumping bass of the music. Turning your head, you see a red faced Hoseok running towards you.

Concern is etched on his features as he rushes out, “We gotta go.” He keeps shifting from left to right like he’s ready to escape from the confines of the roped off section at the drop of a dime. “Yoongi threw a couple bottles and the managers are not happy.”

“He threw a whole bottle?” Taehyung asks in shock at the same time as you shout, “He threw more than one? Again? Fuck me! Why?” Your ex laughs loudly at the news, himself having been a part of a few bottle throwings when he was with you.

“The same reason they always get us kicked out of places,” Hoseok explains with a frustrated eye roll. “You think at this point he would stop inviting exes to shows. Let the rejects stay where they are, right?” Taehyung snorts at Hoseok’s pointed insult towards your ex. You give him a grateful smile for the diss. “Anyways, we gotta leave before they ask for their money back. This gig is paying for my new equipment.”

“Noted.” You tug Taehyung up out of his seat quickly, before turning to your ex one last time. “We gotta go. It was not nice seeing you. Die.” Then the three of you quickly make you way out of the club before things can get even more tense.

The couple is still arguing outside when you exit the venue, Yoongi’s hand firmly wrapped around your best friend’s wrist as she screams at him to let her go. Yoongi’s knuckles are bleeding and you wonder if he cut himself on the glass or punched a wall again. You know better than to ask at this moment. Trying to stop them was a recipe for a disaster. “Fuck this. I’m going home,” Hoseok says frustratedly. He turns to you, forcing a hopeful expression as he asks,“See ya tomorrow?”

“Yup. Don’t be late.” Hoseok nods at you twice and winks at Taehyung before he crosses the street and disappears into the night.

“Does this always happen?” Taehyung asks suddenly, eyes still on the couple as Yoongi starts to yell back about who actually crossed the line. Taehyung knew that they fought, but he never understood the extent of it. Seeing it in person was a completely different ball game.

“Every single time we go to a club,” you say with a shrug, dropping the hold you have on his hand. “Perks of dating a rapper, I guess. Relationships don’t do well in this environment.” Taehyung’s eyes snap to you at the implication of his words.

“But Yoongi and his girl have been together for years right? It can’t be all bad.”

“And they fight all the time. She breaks up with him constantly. I mean, she’s been my friend for longer than she’s known him and it’s still hard for her to handle all of,” you stop, waving your hand around the wannabe rap boys dressed in baggy clothes, the club, and the drunk girls stumbling down the block before continuing, “all of this. And it only gets worse the more popular you get. No one really wants to deal with this.”

“I do,” he says, not even taking the time to consider your words. “I think I could handle it.”

You eye him carefully, cocking your head to the side as you formulate a response. The truth of your lifestyle was a bitter pill to swallow. Love was often the first casualty of Hip Hop, whether rappers liked to admit it or not. You weren’t sure if your words would ruin the good thing you had going with him. “Taehyung, you saw my ex. All that animosity between us comes from him being insanely jealous of the people around me. He couldn’t handle it.”

“I’m better than your ex.”

“Okay, but it’s not just jealousy that comes with this. Do you really think you could handle guys constantly hitting on me? Slapping my ass on stage? Calling me a whore in diss tracks? Trying to spike my drinks or give me drugs?”

Taehyung moves to wrap his arms around your waist, pressing the front of your body against his own. He sways gently with you in his arms, pressing soft kisses to your forehead as he thinks. Finally he settles on, “For you, I could handle all of that and more.” He pulls away from you slightly to stare into your eyes deeply, before leaning into to press a kiss against your lips. He pulls back once more to whisper against your lips, “I just want to be with you. I don’t care about the rest.”

“Hmm… you really are my hero.”

authors note— there will be a continuation of this couple’s story called jawbreaker released later this month. jawbreaker was originally meant to be a part of more than you can chew, but it ballooned past what i imagined and i need more time to finish. hope you enjoyed this and will read jawbreaker when it’s released.

#taehyung scenarios #v scenarios #bts scenarios #kim taehyung #another long one #kim taehyung scenarios #taehyung fluff #v fluff #sailor belle writes #au: baking news

60 notes · View notes

randomobsessionsofa30something · 5 years ago

Text

My top 10 korean dramas of 2019

10. Extraordinary you. Based on a webtoon, I actually almost missed this one because it looked like the typical high school drama but I got curious and watched it. The story is about a girl that realizes she is actually a secondary role on a webtoon and that her life is being written by the author. Nevertheless she makes the decision to make her own story and falling for whoever she chooses. It definitely is a silly rom-com but with a spin. The chemistry between SF9′s RoWoon and Kim Hyeoyeon is what made binge watch the 32 episodes (around 35 minutes each) in just a couple of days.

9. Her private life. Kim Jae Wook and Park Min Young star in this really fun rom-com based on a korean webtoon about a girl that lives a double life: being an art gallery curator and also a devoted super fan of a member of an idol group (played by One). However everything changes when the new gallery director, Ryan, arrives with an agenda that will make her worlds collide. I wasn’t a huge fan of how they portrayed super fans. I thought it was a missed opportunity of really getting into the mindset of a those kind of fans.

8. Vagabond. The first episode of this drama really got me excited about it but somehow after a couple of episodes I started loosing interest. When I watched it after a while I somehow finished the whole thing. I think it had its ups and downs but all in all an interesting action romance drama. Lee Seung Gi plays a stunt man that somehow finds himself a father figure to the son of his deceased sister. Money troubles weights him down but he works hard to make a decent living for his nephew. However the kid passes away along with several others in a plane crash. He discovers it wasn’t an accident and he turns his life around to take justice at his own hands. Along the way she meets an agent of an intelligence agency (played by Suzy) and they both work to find the people behind the plane crash.

7. When the camellia blooms. The main characters of this one are not only endearing but really funny. Gong Hyo Jin has always been one of my favorite korean actresses and this is my favorite part Kang Ha Neul has done. This popular drama is about a single mother who owns a bar and a policeman who falls for her and will stop at nothing until he wins her heart but nothing will come easy for these two, they will have to face several challenges from a killer on the loose to a conservative mother.

6. Chief of Staff. This drama had two seasons last year something different from the usual modus operandi of korean dramas. Honestly I enjoyed the first season more but even if the story line was a bit messy sometimes, it really was an interesting political drama. Lee Jung Jae plays a character that definitely made me remember House of Cards and The West Wing but in a very korean setting. A former detective is now chief of staff to a congressman and has strong ambicions but he always seems to be stopping fires. It was a very well made drama. Shin Min Ah, Lee Eljah, Kim Dong Joon, Jung Woong In and Kim Kap Soo were all amazing on this one.

5. SKY CASTLE. This drama gave much to talk about in Korea because it revolves around the pressure parents put on their children to make it to the best universities in the country. The story is set in a rich neighbourhood in Seoul and it shows how some parents will stop at nothing to make their children excel and how it reflects on those children. That dynamic made for an intense 20 episodes. The cast did an amazing job.

youtube

4. Hotel Del Luna. This was a great fantasy drama and I was going to rank it higher but truth is in the second part I felt like they drag the conclussion a bit more than necessary. IU plays Jang Man-Wol the “owner” of Hotel del Luna a place where spirits stay before they pass on. Goo Chang-seong (Yeo Jin Goo) is an assitant manager of a hotel corporation who suddenly learns his father made a deal with a woman that he would have to work in her hotel except her hotel in unlike any other. He’s forced to work there but he refuses to do things like Manwol wants him to and tries to change her mind set. She lives with regrets which has made her have a bad attitude but her walls start to fall down with Chang Seong around. This drama was truely addictive.

youtube

3. One Spring Night. This drama by Ahn Pan Seok was beautifully shot and it deals with how single fathers are looked in a conservative society like Korea and how parents put pressure on their kids to marry well. The tone is definitely similar to Something in the Rain, his previous work also starred by Jung Hae In. Han Ji Min plays a girl in her 30s that has a boyfriend who she’s expected to settle down with but realizes she doesn’t want to marry him just because it’s about time. She meets a single father and she falls for him but society gets in the way and they both will need to decide whether they are strong enough to go against social standards to be together

youtube

2. Crash landing on you. I was waiting for a Hyun Bin drama and finally he did this one with Son Ye Jin and it really turned out great. It’s still airing so I might be making a mistake by ranking this one so high. I really love it though and it’s clearly popular since it’s making double digit ratings which for a cable drama is difficult. The story is about a girl that has an accident that lands her on North Korean soil and seeks help with a North Korean officer to help her return to South Korea. He agrees and they fall in love in the process. It makes for a sweet fun drama but the fact that they are from two countries in conflict will make it difficult to stay together.

youtube

1. WWW: Search. Sometimes you just connect with a drama and that’s what happened to me with this one. It might not have been the greatest love story on this list or the most innovative drama. However I was really drawn by the main character played by Im Soo Jung and also by the script .She really is a strong female character. I think the story really made some really good points regarding the power of social media in Korea as well as how corruption can disrupt the truth. Korea has a web portal in real life called Naver that basically works both as google and as twitter since it shows the top related searches constantly which makes all internet users aware of when something is popular whether is about politics or entertainment. In the drama there’s two portals that do just that: Unicon and Baro, Bae Ta-Mi is a director of Unicon but is betrayed and ends up switching companies to Baro and makes her goal to beat Unicon and make Baro the most used portal in Korea. At the same time, she meets a young CEO (Jang Ki Young) of a small music company for games and he tries to date her after a one night stand. I also love the secondary couple played by Lee Dae Hae and Lee Jae Wook. The friendship between Lee Dae Hae’s character and Im Soo Jung is definitely one of the most fun parts of the drama.

youtube

76 notes · View notes

eurosong · 4 years ago

Text

Undo my ESC

Good evening, folks! If you saw my first instalment of “Undo my ESC”, the annual feature where I make a year’s Eurovision better for me by making alterations in each country, you might have thought that ESC getting cancelled had dulled my edge, since, comparing to usual standards, I hardly changed much at all there. Well, that’s because, once again, we have seriously uneven semis, and Semi #1 would have been killer, whilst Semi #2 would have been dead. Here is what Í would have done to even those semis up! 🇦🇱 Albania: The Albanian delegation had seemingly done all it could to wash its hands of, well, two years of comparatively excellent results with authentic, melancholically poëtic and qualitative tracks, namely Malland Ktheju tokës. They brought in Byuckman, in whose interest it is for the contest to become as generically “radio-friendly” as possible, and the genius who brought us lyrics like “this is love/rain falls from above”. As judges. Of a serious musical festival. The foreign jurors did as expected, and voted for the appointed “bop”, but were foiled, however, by one of the minority Albanian jurors on the panel who put it low in her ranks. An actual renowned music professor who got called all the names under the sun for doing so. And so, to an ensuing shitstorm, the classical and powerful Shaj prevailed instead. Unfortunately, the battle was won but the war was lost, because the representative herself took the lessons of 2018-9, threw them down the aeroplane toilet on the way to LA, and ripped the spirit out of the song, reverting back to the previous Albanian trend of terrible “revamps” and laboured translations into English. The result, Fall from the sky, is but a husk of the original. In my ESC, I’d probably simply keeping the original version of Shaj, which was my uncontested #1 of all songs, but part of me would opt for Ajër, which I love almost as well but which doesn’t carry the baggage of hanging over my head like the sword of Democles this entire season. 🇦🇲 Armenia: I’ve more often than not loved the entries of Hayastan, from the joyous Jan Jan to the soaring Fly with me and defiant Walking out. To say they took a step back this year is kind – it was more like a powerful jump backwards that landed them in the nearest ocean, where they sank like a stone. It was one of the most singularly unpalatable NFs that I have ever watched in this era. Rather than retraumatise myself by going into detail about it, I’ll just say, I would have sent Srbuk or Artsvik again to get the top 10 that I feel both warranted!

🇦🇹 Austria: What a journey for Österreich. From Conchita to this guy, a perky homophobe who explicitly said he wished his kids would not turn out to be gay. He comes up with a third-rate impersonator of a third-rate Benjamin Ingrosso impersonator’s third-rate impersonation of a Timberlake b-side. I would throw that in the bin and invite Pænda back from last year for a shot at redemption after her gorgeous Limits got slept on in 2019.

🇧🇬 Bulgaria: Some people had the neck to say to me “who needs Hungary when Bulgaria is coming back?” Well, I do. Hungary were constantly in the top of my rankings, and just quietly and consistently brought quality. Bulgaria has brought me one good thing – Poli Genova’s œuvre – and a tonne of hype. Their song this year was one of the favourites, and I still can’t wrap my head around how other than the force of PR. It’s a bizarre, unsettling combination of passive-aggressive “look how much you’re making me hurt myself” lyrics with Disneyish saccharine accompaniment, topped off with a key change?! For want yet again of a national final, I would bring Poli back – third time even luckier? 🇨🇿 Czechia: The Bohemians (and Moravians) keep it contemporary but superficial for a third year running, although, thankfully, for the first time since they began doing national finals, we finally have a song without a dubious attitude towards women in the lyrics. Not that there is much to analyse in those lyrics. It’s a merely ok song for me, no better, no worse: a superior alternative would have been Barbara Mochowa’s lush and contemplative second effort, White and black holes, or the glorious 90s British indie-influenced All the blood. 🇩🇰 Denmark: Did Denmark confound international monitors into calling it the world’s happiest country by exposing them to the relentlessly cheery songs that they pick for Eurovision lately? And yet – I really do say yes to Yes, To a certain extent, to a limited amount of exposure, and despite the fact that it leans a little too hard into the territory of sounding like a second Little talks. It was one of the few good songs from DMGP – I also liked the 80s shoegaze-ish Den eneste goth– and I feel so mad at DR that they won’t give Ben and Tan a guaranteed second shot to represent their country after they won in front of an empty crowd. 🇪🇪 Estonia: The days of Eesti being Beesti seem like from a distant memory to me, but there was some quality and quirkiness in Eesti Laul, buried under mountains of beigedom, like the rich-voiced Egert Miller’s soulful Georgia, the jazzy Write about me, or the feisty earworm that was Ping pong. Instead, we got a dreary dirge with sub-Hallmark lines about wot luv is, which would have sounded dated in a contest 30 years ago, sung by a repugnant guy who tried to get people to vote for him last year by leaning on the idea that he was the “only true Estonian.” I’d have Egert get his rightful place as Jüri Pootsmann’s spiritual successor. 🇫🇮 Finland: I was one of the few to be jubilant when a bizarre ode to an Italian porn star with a backing track sounding like a violated version of Eläköön elämä came second in the polls to its spiritual opposite: a shy and rather awkward guy singing a quietly moving song about the passing of time. I love Looking back and wouldn’t change a thing. 🇬🇪 Georgia: You never know what to expect from Georgia, except the unexpected, and yet even I was surprised by what they came up with: a close-shaven guy with veins popping in his head screaming “why don’t you love meeeee?” to a rocky, electronic backdrop. Me being me, I actually do like it a lot. “Take me as I am” sounds like a veiled potshot at the big 5 and a vindication of Georgia’s “keep it weird, send what we want” philosophy. I could suggest that the lyrics, that sound like those of a spurned angsty teen, change a bit, but that would be defeating the purpose of Georgia: one takes them as they are. 🇬🇪 Greece: So, somehow, despite S!STERS coming dead last with 0 pts in the televote last year, using exclamation marks to substitute the letter I is now a thing in Eurovision with the advent of Superg!rl. I spent an hour watching folk waffle on in Greek in its reveal show only for them to reveal the song literally at the very end, so after that, it was a little underwhelming, and nowhere near as good as Better love in 2019. I don’t hate it – and the music video’s concept of her being an amazing superhero who can change the world, but instead she’s stopping people slipping over bananas and rescuing cats from trees is weirdly endearing, so it can stay, but I’d improve the lyrics, particularly in the chorus. “I’m a supergirl, supergirl, in a crazy world, crazy world” is not much higher than “this is love, rain falls from above” in historically bad Greek lyrics at ESC. 🇮🇸 Iceland: Daði Freyr came back from near-victory with the delightful Is this love, added a lovely inspiration in his newborn daughter to a similarly funky and playful track, and came out with Think about things. Unlike what usually happens with songs that are a little bit odd, I was positively surprised to see it walk the NF, and become a phenomenon even outside the ESC fandom. This was perfect and joyous from beginning to end. I hope Iceland will not be like the other Nordics, and will invite Daði directly back .🇱🇻 Latvia: I have come to enjoy the bizarre chaötic energy of Still breathing, It’s a hot mess, but I take weird over dull any day. It wasn’t my favourite in Supernova – that would be the effortlessly cool Polyester, an earworm with a social conscience, written about the cost of fast fashion but dismissed by many people as “she luvs t-shirts song lol”. Given that Samanta Tina tried over half a dozen times to go to ESC, finally won and then had the chance ripped out of her hands by the cancellation, I don’t have the heart to remove her from my ideal ESC 2020 though. She stays, but maybe the staging changes? It’s odd to have what you believe is a feminist anthem but then relegate your backing singers to in the distance, their faces shielded away. 🇲🇩 Moldova: Life is too short to follow Moldovan national finals, especially when you know, lately, that whoever is backed by the hilariously inaptly named Dream team will win there. They are like a parasite, sucking out the colour and fun out of a country that once had plenty of both – cross-reference Hora din Moldova or Lăutar to name just two examples. I guess out of an uninspiring lineüp, I’d go for Moldoviţa for having at least a hint of the brassy folk that used to be their calling card. 🇵🇱 Poland: Speaking of calling cards, after a one year hiatus with an arresting combo of white voice and rocky instrumentation, Poland has returned to what it has most often done in recent years – presented us with an absolute dirge, Empires, which seems like it was written by an unenthusiastic English student whose homework assignment (for which they received a generous C-) was to write a poëm with a bunch of metaphors “we’re moths to a flame, birds to a pane of glass, gasoline and a match”. Despite having a big music industry from which to choose many gems, Poland offers me little alternative choice given that there were only three songs in their grand final – one by the Czech representative last year who, as you might guess from what I said literally a sentence up, isn’t even Polish!Horny Elf, who’s contractually obliged to write only creepy lyrics for songs, tried to represent Polska with a song inspired by a true-life situation where he went around Tel Aviv with a cardboard cutout of one of the hostesses of the show. It’s a love song inspired by gallivanting around with a piece of cardboard. Addressed to that actual hostess. And it’s an almighty earworm that hasn’t escaped my mind since. Amazingly, his Lucy would be my Polish representative. 🇵🇹 Portugal: Portugal is another country beloved by me by for dancing to the beat of its own drummer, or perhaps, rather shedding tears to the strumming of its own fado guitar. They struggled being different, they won being different, and for the last few years they’ve struggled again, despite having a lot of support for both O jardim and Telemóveis amongst fans. This year, the televote went for one interesting song, the charmingly Gallic, accordion-drenched Passe-partout, a song about a cultured girl shaking off her boorish ex who could “never even get into Piaf”, whilst the jury got behind another interesting song, Gerbera, an entrancing, arresting and poëtic song laden with metaphor about the idea of music competing itself. This let Medo de sentir,second in both polls, turn silver into gold. It’s a lovely, heart-felt track, but rather unexceptional - I would have had one of the other more singular songs win. 🇸🇲 San Marino: The weird boil on the face of ESC that somehow never pops, SM is back after its bewildering qualification with a tone-deaf dentist wailing to a microwaved disco song… with something actually palatable, sort of. The aptly named Freaky is dated, odd, overly busy, but Senhit has a lot of charisma, and the idea of “break[ing] all the rules, mak[ing] up some new [ones] and destroy[ing] all of them too” and “life goes by too quickly not to be freaking it up”, well, maybe we do get on board. 🇷🇸 Serbia: Serbia is usually a byword for quality at the contest – they won with one of the best 21st century winners hands down in Molitva, and also sent some of the most beautiful compositions in the contest’s history at the hands of Željko. This year, they decided to join in the leitmotif of reliable countries sucking by sending a group that sound like a third-rate mid-2000s girl band from Transnistria when beautiful songs like Cvet sa Prokletija were right there. 🇨🇭 Switzerland: Fair play to the Swiss for not doing a Cyprus and leaning in on their success with their male Fuego, She gat me, and instead going in a completely different direction with this moody effort. I’m not entirely convinced by the teenage emo-ish lyrics or the unnecessary falsetto, but Répondez-moi is a refreshing effort, and has the bonus of being in French too! And the automatic qualifiers: 🇫🇷 France: You’ve heard of France, right? You know, that wee country south of Belgium, north of Andorra, not much of a music industry… or so you’d think, given that the troolee jeenyuss new delegation, who abandoned their brilliant national final which showcased how diverse and qualitative their music scene is despite it being a huge success in the fandom, and instead reached out to the writer of last year’s last place song for the UK and a few other rentaswedes and they produced something that sounds like a b-side that not even Westlife would have recorded, replete with a stock key change. About as French as IKEA köttbullar. A real shame for one of Europe’s most highly esteemed cultural hotbeds. If they wanted to pick Tom Leeb, who seems like a nice guy and has written some lovely music, he could have made his own song and it would have indubitably been scores better than this. 🇪🇸 Spain: I’m going to apply this to all the automatic qualifiers voting on this semi-final: they scrapped a national final for this? OT was not an ideal format as last year demonstrated with its shit show of contestants sabotaging themselves so as not to get picked for ESC – but still. There’s not much I can say about this other than I don’t like it much and I’d rather Spain return to a proper NF. You don’t spend time trapped on a bus where this song with its torturous falsetto was on replay and emerge with fond feelings. 🇬🇧 United Kingdom: Usually, in this space, I can point to a song that the UK should have sent and that I fell in love with – like I wish I loved you more or You. Once again, though, another big 6 nation scrapped their NF after tanking it with a bizarre format last year. The BBC said nothing for months, then were unwilling to spend tv time on ESC this year so just blurted out an announcement of an announcement in about 40 seconds after some dance show. And then they dropped this song. It’s… passable at best, with an annoying chorus (especially that beat in “my last… breath”) and a staggering amount of repetition in a song that clocks in at only around 80% of the standard Eurovision song length. James Newman surely could have come up with something better. It’s a baby step in the right direction, but one taken at the shore where you need to start running to avoid getting pulled away in a rip.

#eurovision #eurovision song contest #opinion #esc 2020 #eurovision 2020

9 notes · View notes

bishie-haven · 5 years ago

Text

CecilCelebration, October 6: A Super Rare Snap!

Hi, Princesses and Princes!

This post...isn’t about what I was expecting to cover today. I was working on Day 6′s original topic to play catchup, however due to the wonderful technology we rely on, the file of the post’s content was corrupted, losing EVERYTHING. I’m legitimately crying right now, but I know that I need to keep moving. So, to make up for it, I’m moving two shorter posts up in my schedule so that we can actually make it to Day 7 ON Day 7!

So, what’s the new topic? We’re moving from 2011 to 2017, right into the era of Shining Live!

What’s the thing that people think of most when they hear about this tappy tap game? The songs? Nah. The beatmaps? Not really. The events? In some cases, yes, but not much other than that.

The big draw of the game? The cards you use to play!

And when there are multiple photos of lovable characters, you know what that means~

Ranking lists!

Yep, I’ve taken all the available photos of our prince, and I’m going to be revealing my Top 7 of his SRs and URs! Why Top 7? Because when Cecil became a full-fledged member of STARISH, he changed the number of rainbow colored boys from six lovable characters to seven!

This post will cover the Top 7 SRs, while the next will cover the URs. So, let’s get started!

#7: Shining Sports Day

While the outfit is pretty basic (white shirt, black sport shorts, jacket of team color), what really got it for me was the poses. In the Normal shot, Cecil’s parading around with megaphones, looking like he’s ready to cheer his own team on (cheerleader set KLab PLZ). And in the Special shot? Poor boy can’t handle the spice in the bread, it’s so CUTE! Get this guy some milk!

#6: Holy Night Santa Claus (Christmas V2)

I’m very soft for this Christmas set from last year, and Cecil’s card is no exception. Considering that (fun fact!) he never celebrated the holiday in his country and only started understanding it once he became an idol, seeing how caring he is about spreading the joy of it to children just warms my heart. The sweet expression he has while filling the stocking gets to me every time. ^^

#5: Marine Festival

I’m a sucker for sailor suits. Marine sets are one of my weaknesses. I just recently got the UR Otoya from this set, one of my dream cards.

But back to Cecil. It seems weird that he would be a part of this, as the boy hates water along with the fishies, but this look fits him really well! And him with the bright green water gun? COME TO ME, BABY!

(But his side story...honey, I need to teach you the meaning of “double entendre”...)

#4: Odorokiman

MAN THIS SET WAS FOR HIM. I know this look is based off a planet people like to make puns out of, but this look is perfect for what we hear about in terms of his heritage and his magic abilities. The gloves and the cat head staff are two of my favorite touches~ (Also, have you seen him on your home screen?

The ribbons are HUGE!!!)

#3: Magical Halloween Live Show (Halloween V1)

I said that marine sets were a big weakness of mine? Well Halloween sets are an even bigger one. And aside from one or two cards in this set, this is my favorite out of the OG designs. Cecil being a witch wizard is just spot on, and the fact that he openly gets to use his magic in the Special shot is just beautiful! And the expressions...in the Special shot, I know that’s he’s showing off the petals he’s conjured up, but I bust out laughing because the way the card is framed with his eyes just screams to me,

“Look at this big stick I have!”

#2: New Year’s Feast: Happiness and Prosperity (New Years V2)

THIS is peak adorable levels for the prince, FIGHT ME. Cecil is known to love aspects of Japanese culture and explore new things relating to it. So to see him decked out in a kimono playing a good ol’ game of karuta (played it myself, really fun game, really helps while learning the language) is just great.

And BOTH expressions on his face. They. Are. PRECIOUS.

I want to squeeze him in a hug so BAD!!

#1: Happy Hearts♡My Dear Doctor

Now some of you may be wondering: “If I love the last one so much, why is THIS event card your #1 SR?” Well, mainly because...this card means a lot to me. For a few reasons:

This card was part of the first event that I ever attempted to tier on. I had gotten enough to get URs via points, but never enough to get past ranks that would just get you an extra SR. During the entire week of March this event was on, I was in uncharted territory trying my HARDEST to stay high. In the end, I had gotten #288 on the charts, enough to stay in Tier 2 and get a near max copy of the UR and a FULL copy of this SR. And to this day it remains my ONLY event card that I have maxed and crowned.

As much as I love music and the arts, I’m currently in my second year of college studying to get into dental school. And for me, when media that I love combines with something that I’m striving for in real life, it hits me right in the kokoro. As such, I love medical/dental themes. TO DEATH. I kid you not, at 5 in the morning, when I was getting ready for a 7:30 lab, I seen the first announcement of this event and I felt like my heart was going to lift out of my chest. And I know that they push the fact that Cecil is a nurse in this, I get it. But with the products they try to sell, the scrubs, and the background of that Special shot, I see him as a dental hygienist to the end. I DARE YOU, FIGHT ME.

The overall card is FLAT OUT CUTE. The boy’s arms are overflowing in the Normal shot, just wanting to share the love he’s promoting to his friends. And the Special shot? MY WORD. That gorgeous smile on his face while he’s clinging onto a huge tube of toothpaste? I love it. I just love it.

So, those were my Top 7 Cecil SRs! Stay tuned for my Top 7 URs in just a little bit!

See you later, Princesses and Princes!

#utapri #uta no prince sama #cecil aijima #cecilcelebration #day6

17 notes · View notes

oldtumblhurgoyf · 5 years ago

Text

Lauren Orsini wants to kiss a cat man and that’s wrong*

Here’s a ranking of All 36 'Magic: The Gathering' War of the Spark Planeswalkers Ranked By Dateability in Forbes no less. But it’s so terribly wrong. Here’s my Empirically Correct List of Planeswalkers Ranked By Dateability.

*this is all very silly and Orsini’s list is fine, I’m sure... for her.

36-28 Undateable

36 and 35. Tie between Gideon Jura and Domri Rade (with an honorable mention to Dack Fayden).

Dudes are all literally dead. Sorry, but I’m not dating a corpse. Also, before Gideon’s death, he was running himself ragged hopping from plane to plane to save the world. He didn’t have the time for a relationship. Domri is an obnoxious child (emphasis on child too). Of the three, Dack had the most potential but even alive he’d be lucky to break the top 20 of my list. Good for a few fun weekends and that’s probably it. Tempting to hope your love could reform him but that’s just a good way to have your heart stolen.

34. Nicol Bolas

He’s downright evil and self-centered to an unfathomable degree. Hard pass, no thank you. Literally no redeeming qualities.

33. Ob Nixilis

The obvious date for him is someone into BDSM, right? Wrong. He’s not going to respect your boundaries or practice good after care. He’ll use and abuse you for what he wants and then probably murder you. That’s not a date.

32. Dovin Baan

This dude’s whole deal is that he sees the flaws in everything. He’d probably outright refuse to date and if not, he’d constantly be nitpicking your relationship and you. There’s probably a decent amount of built up angst and stuff and if he ever cut loose there could be some fun, but it would be very fleeting and comes at too great a cost (months later thinking “what did he mean by ‘your forehead is adequate, but your nose is not the ideal shape’?”).

31. Tibalt

See Ob Nixilis. Kind of crazy how similar these two are.

30. Ashiok

We don’t know a whole lot about them, but I’m envisioning they’re like Ob Nixilis/Tibalt except it’s all mental/psychological harm. It’s Dovin Baan but instead of an ostensible pursuit of perfection, the mental anguish is its own reward.

29. Ugin

Like dating a dad, but a really boring dad. And like any other dragon, he’s still very full of himself, he’s just a little more subtle about it. Besides, apparently you’d do all your dating in the Prison Realm and Bolas would be there trying to ruin your (already pretty miserable) date as some small payback for being trapped.

28. Sorin Markov

Things will be okay, but he gives me weird unwanted daddy vibes and he’s just going to ghost you anyway.

27-19 Redeeming Qualities, Not Long-Term Material

27. The Wanderer

Not much to go on here but we do know she’s gonna ghost you though probably not voluntarily.

26. Teyo Verada

He seems nice enough but he’s pretty young and super naive. He’s got some things to figure out and some growing to do before you’d want to date him.

25. Jiang Yanggu

What I said for Teyo goes for Yanggu as well. Plus side, every date with him there is a really cute pupper coming along.

24. Kaya

She’s giving me Gideon vibes. I think she’d be more fun than Gids, but she’s too devoted to her career to have time for a relationship.

23. Teferi

It’s a common refrain I’m running into here, but Teferi is also too dedicated to his job to make for a good relationship. Additionally he’s got lifetimes of experiences that make him “The Most Interesting Man in the Multiverse” and you’re always going to feel like a second fiddle to him, not an equal. This is a case where he’s almost too perfect.

22. Jaya

Jaya’s got distinct mother vibes for me. There’s just no way I could see a date with her that isn’t weird. It wouldn’t even be a bad date per se, but it’s not gonna happen.

21. Samut

I’m intimidated by Samut. I mean, who wouldn’t be? She’s been through Amonkhet’s trials and stood ready in front of Hazoret’s spear. That’s such a singular dedication that few others can match. I think I’d shrivel in front of her love.

20. Kiora

She’s a playful trickster and kind of flighty. You’ve got one good date with her and then maybe a follow up fling at some point, but there’s no building a relationship here. I mean, unless you’re really lucky, but I wouldn’t count on it.

19. Karn

Karn’s got plenty going for him. He’s done some really interesting stuff, he’s motivated, and deeply invested even if he doesn’t always show it. He can certainly show you a lot of cool things. But long term the lack of humanity creates distance and problems.

18-10 A Good Time, Let’s See How it Works Out

19. Liliana Vess

She’s a toss up to me at this point. She’s been through a whole helluva lot and this is the point where she could go completely good, or take her get out of demon-contract-death jail free card and double down on all her worst attributes. She’ll be a fun date, you just can’t be sure it should be more than that.

17. Angrath

Dude’s super dedicated to his family but he gets incredibly frustrated and pretty damn easily. His name’s literally angry wrath so you kind of have to expect that. If you think going to a dive bar and getting into a fight with a biker is a good date then Angrath is going to be a fun time.

16. Vivien Reid

Maybe I just haven’t been paying a whole lot of attention, but I know less about Vivien Reid than any other planeswalker on this list I think (which is wild when you consider exactly how little we know about the Wanderer or Kasmina). But as the Steve Irwin of the multiverse, there’s no way this date isn’t fun. You’ve just perhaps bitten off more than you can chew.

15. Ajani Goldmane

Ajani is a total sweetheart who will care for you like no other. The flip side of that is he is always pushing you to be your better self and, hon, that’s just a little much for me. Like can’t we just stay in and cuddle for once? I do NOT want to go to the gym again this week.

14. Arlinn Kord

Unlike Jaya, I don’t have mom vibes here. She’s a good looking lady who definitely seems to be here for a good time.

13. Huatli

This one is totally an “it’s not you, it’s me situation.” She’s so big on community and sharing stories--I’m more of a homebody. There’s nothing wrong exactly, we just won’t be compatible, I don’t think. But somebody out there is, and the two of you will get along famously. Another list would totally rank her as marriage material.

12. Narset

This is another case of such dedication and perfectionism that I just don’t think I could measure up in a relationship with her. She’ll come home from exploring the multiverse and meditation and combat training and reading ancient scrolls to find all I’ve done is take out the trash and do some dishes before playing some games and... not be disappointed exactly, but it won’t inspire respect and desire in her. Another one where there’s incredible potential there... for the right person.

11. Kasmina

Mysterious as she is, I’m getting young Jaya vibes from Kasmina. Not as in, when Jaya was actually young and all fiery temper and stuff. But rather, current Jaya without the creepy (to me) mom vibes. There’s potential here but so much mystery it’s impossible to say for sure without taking a chance.

10. Nahiri

I can’t imagine anyone I’d have a better single date with. Like a real good time. She’s planned it out perfectly and she’s ready to go. It might not last, but you’ll enjoy it while it does. Keep the lines of communication clear, respect boundaries, and be aware she can hold a grudge, and I think this actually has a chance.

9-1 Marriage Material

9. Jace Beleren

He’s sort of what I see Yanggu or Teyo needing. He’s done that growing and learning and he’s a pretty solid guy. He’s learned a lot of lessons the hard way but he’s definitely better for it.

8. Tamiyo

She’s literally married and raising kids in a happy home. The potential is there (if we ignore her canon marriage and assume she is available to date), not to mention her chosen career of essentially multiverse astronomer is pretty damn cool and relatively safe compared to what these other planeswalkers have devoted themselves to. (Sure, there’s Innistrad and Emrakul, but I imagine most planes’ moons are much safer to observe than that.)

7. Sarkhan Vol

Like Jace, he’s worked through a lot and is a pretty awesome person because of it. Unlike Jace, he’s been attractive the whole time. He’s tender and vibrant and aware and just cool as all hell. Bringing him home would be like dating Brendan Frasier in his prime.

6. Vraska

Downside to Vraska is that she’s pretty clique-ish and suspect of anyone from outside her group. Her views have expanded recently, but I think she’s still going to put up a rock hard exterior. If you can chisel your way through that then you’ve got a heart of gold.

5. Davriel Cane

Forget the demon contracts and all that nonsense. What this guy wants deep down is to just be left alone. Let’s retire to a nice estate on the countryside and enjoy our time together.

4. Saheeli Rai

Creative and inspiring, Saheeli is an absolute sweetheart. And she’s dedicated to a craft that she can do at home. She doesn’t have go trooping about the multiverse on dangerous missions without you. She can work on amazing marvels in her workshop then come next door to take you out for ice cream.

3. Nissa Revane

Nissa is a bit aloof and distant, but don’t let that fool you. She’s nurturing in every way you could want and then some. She’s great if you can get past that stoic exterior.

2. Ral Zarek

Ral’s more romantic than I ever woulda thought. He’s dedicated and thoughtful, but not so stuffy that things get boring. Actually the biggest detractor here is that things will never be boring with Ral, but he’ll make it worth your while to stick beside him through it all.

1. Chandra Nalaar

Full of warmth and passion, Chandra’s got what it takes to make the strongest connection. And she’s another character who has made some incredible personal growth recently. She’s ready to take the next step with someone special and if that were you, the two of you are in for a long-burning love.

#mtg #planeswalkers #forbes #lauren orsini #dateability #this is a really silly list #but it was fun

55 notes · View notes