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httpscomexe · 2 months

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Forbidden Secret Desire 4

Summary: You finally put all of the pieces together and your pursuer tries to make a move, failing horribly, so you decide it’s the best plan to just escape.

(Find What I’m currently writing by checking my pinned post)

Parings: Logan Howlett x Reader

Warnings: (Individual warnings per chapter) Mentions of hidden camera, forced touch, clueless reader. Logan is an official warning as approved by the FDA (Food and Drug Administration) because Logan is a DRUG. PLEASE BE AWARE that this will be a NON-CON fic. Do NOT get attached if you do not like non-consensual fiction. I will not change my fic plans because somebody decided not to read the warnings. Thank you.

Tags: @remmyj10 @sammyluvsfics @badbishsblog @dickmaster3000 @cellyx33

Word Count: 3483 (All other chapters here) Chapter 5

P.S. If you’d like to be tagged, ask in the comments, you also have permission to send an ask, but make sure it is NOT anonymous, so I know your username, don’t worry, I’m scared of confrontation too. But this is a SAFE SPACE where I will not judge. Thank you again.

Enjoy your Forbidden Secret Desire…

“Logan?” You call his name as you barge into his office without knocking, not bothering to have any boundaries since the matter seemed important. You were being watched through a camera for the last two days after all.

“Is Mr. Howlett in here?” You ask after being allowed in the lounge where some other teachers were having their lunch break. You had been searching for him all day, and you haven’t seen him once. You figured you would’ve seen him during third period, since he was supposed to be the substitute the entire week, but looked to no avail. You even asked around, wondering if anyone else had seen him. You were slightly hopeful when a few students claimed they saw him on hall duty during the first passing period, but then you were once again in the dark.

You skipped your fourth period also, hoping you might be able to find him outside in the garden or near the little park in the back of the school. Even searching the greenhouse, but of course. He was nowhere to be found. You knew he didn’t leave anywhere, his truck was still parked in the lot where it’s always parked, so eventually you just gave up on searching for him, and headed back to your room to catch up on any assignments you’d missed throughout the day.

As you entered your room and locked your door, you internally groaned. You weren’t sure what to do about the stupid bear, so you went into your closet to collect it.

“Oh! Mr. Howlett…” You yelp in surprise as you collide with Logan in your closet. “Uh what- what’re you doing in here?” You take a few steps back and cross your arms over your chest.

“I came to check on you, you’ve been missing all day.” He tells you, his voice seemed different, almost more tired or grumpier than usual.

“Oh, yea- I’ve actually been looking for you.” He sets the bear down on your desk, once again facing your bed. “Uh- I actually had a question about-” You look down at the bear, the little red light was gone. “Uh…”

“What is it?” He asks, his voice softening down to normal. But you don’t answer. Instead, you continue to look down at the bear. Its eyes were solid black and the whirring noise was gone.

“Never mind actually.” Your shoulders slump. If the red dot wasn’t there, then how would you prove to him that someone was watching you? Maybe he was the one watching you?

…

Nah. He wouldn’t do that. Right?

“Alright, well…” He crosses his arms, and looks down at you. “Are you sure? You look dumbfounded.” You see his hand in front of you but you pay it no mind, until you feel his index finger under your chin and he gently makes you look up at him and away from the bear. “Is it something about the bear? What’s going on?”

“No, no. Nothing’s going on, the bear is awesome. Everything’s cool.” There’s no fucking way he would’ve put a camera inside of the bears eye. Would he? He wouldn’t. He’s the only one that could’ve. No one else had been in your room before. Kurt has. Yesterday was his first time…

“You’re lying to me, pup. I don’t like it. Clearly something is going on.” Your eyes continue to stare into his, as if you were trying to connect to his soul.

“Nothing’s wrong, I promise.” You chuckle slightly. Maybe you shouldn’t bring it up to him… Just in case. “I would tell you if there was.” His hand moves, his index finger going from under your chin to gently caressing your jaw before his hand cups your cheek.

“I still feel like you’re lying to me, but okay.” He drops his hand down to his side and stares at you for a moment, now it was his turn to read into your soul.

But the bell rings just in time. “Anyways, I really have to finish some work that I wasn’t able to catch up on today. So I’ll see you tomorrow.” You force a soft smile onto your lips, trying to make everything seem fine instead of letting out your inner I’m being watched! Someone put a camera inside of my bear and has been watching me sleep! Also sometimes it would make this clicking sound so I’m pretty sure they’re also taking pictures of me when I’m getting dressed and undressed and I have NO idea what to do PLEASE HOLD ME!

That wouldn’t be very appropriate.

“Alright. Well, let me know if you need me for anything please. Anything.” He repeats, his finger making its way back under your chin as you freeze and he presses a kiss to your forehead. Well that’s not very appropriate either now is it? “Have a good night, Y/N.” He tells you, before leaving the room. And you stand still in place. For about a solid ten minutes.

Thousands of thoughts race through your mind. Your brain completely detached from what's in front of you as you stare at the wall and picture nothingness. What if he was the one watching you? He wouldn’t do that. Then why was he kissing you? It was just the forehead. It’s still not appropriate, maybe you should tell someone you trust. You only trust him. What about Kurt? And what’s he gonna do? Seriously, you were sure Logan was just being friendly. He’s just as awkward as you. Now if he started going further, then you would worry. But for now, you had other matters to deal with. Including emails and homework.

You sit on your bed and open your computer to once again, another thousand emails from “Erik Lehnsherr,” all asking about things you know everything about. Nanotech, electricity, (Which was a bit personal if you ask me, considering you produce it) and a bunch of other stuff. Sometimes it makes you wonder why he doesn’t just ask google.

After answering a dozen of them, a few of them he decides to send back with a secondary question, before you finally send one last email.

“I’ll get back to you tomorrow. This is a lot of typing, so maybe it would be better to ask me some of these things in person? I have a lot of work to do also. So, goodnight!” You tap send, and it takes a moment before the ‘sent’ message pops up on the bottom of the screen. Now you just had to finish your homework. You tell yourself, opening your google classroom and tapping the first assignment. Reading human body language. Great.

“So he was just standing there?”

“Yea, it was so weird…”

“How did he get in?”

“I don’t know, he’s a teacher, maybe he has a key?”

“Still doesn’t explain why he was in your room.”

“He claims he was looking for me, I guess worried?” You explain, shrugging your shoulders with your locker open, Kurt leaning on the one next to you as you both talk back and forth.

“He couldn’t send you an email or a text.” You shrug again and close your locker.

“Look, correct me if I’m wrong, but he’s definitely the one that put the camera in your bear, it’s the only thing that would make sense.” It was now his turn to shrug.

“Oh come on. He’s not like that.” Kurt just stares at you, his head slightly tilted. “Ugh, you’re unbearable. I mean what makes you think he’s smart enough to know how to use a camera?”

“Literally no one else has had access to your room.”

“That’s the only thing that gets me.”

“Okay, then who else is on your list for who could’ve gone into your room, put a camera in your bear, then left without being noticed?” Silence. You obviously didn’t have any other names on your list. It was Wednesday already, and you’d just discovered the camera two days ago, so regardless of who it was, you still had to tough it out for the rest of the week to be able to report anything to Xavier. He apparently has no phone reception in the mountains. “Exactly.”

“What’re you two lovebirds talkin’ about?” Alex and Scott bring you out of your thoughts, Alex with a mouthful of pizza as Scott does the talking.

“I thought you two were out for the rest of the week?” Kurt turns away from you, ignoring Scotts comment. “Something about being disruptive in class?”

“Yea, we’re supposed to be at home but he forgot some books in his room.”

“He forgot them?”

“Yea.”

“Then why are you here?” Kurt crosses his arms, the tip of his sharp tail moving to wag as it glides across the lockers. Why did you never realise he has a tail? Wait… “Looks more like you two are the love birds in this situation.”

“Aww, are you getting mad cause we’re talking about your little girl-”

“Boys!” A female voice booms from the other side of the hall. “I gave you five minutes to collect your- wait, is that a pizza in your mouth! Where in the world- No you get back here!” They both quickly scramble away, and the teachers' heels echo as they pass you and Kurt to follow them.

You sigh. “Okay you make a point, but we should-”

“Report it?”

“No, we should leave it be until Xavier gets back.”

“Okay, what if it goes further than the camera? What if your clothes start going missing..?”

“If my clothes start going missing then maybe I’ll consider doing something. But honestly, it just doesn’t seem like him. Not only does he not seem the stalking type, but he definitely would NOT be able to figure out how to connect the camera to his phone, computer, whatever it is.” You explain quickly, not catching a breath until you’re finished.

“Okay… just.” He takes his own deep breath, looking down at you with soft eyes. “Let me know if you need anything from me, okay?”

“Okay. Thank you, Kurt. You’re too sweet.” You smile softly, softly punching his shoulder before beginning to turn around. “I’ll be in my room, so call if you need to, I’m not busy.” Pushing your door open, you see him leaving the lockers from the corner of your eye before you actually step into your room. Locking the door and then immediately checking every corner of your room to make sure no one was in there, before you finally relaxed. Or at least your body relaxed.

Your mind on the other hand raced with thoughts. What if it’s not Logan, and it’s some creep student. You’d be reporting the teacher who helped you be friends with Kurt. That wouldn’t be nice. On the other hand, what if it is Logan? Then what? You have to prove it to Xavier that it was him. The app on his phone showing the camera and the pictures in his gallery would prove it for sure. You realise he probably would’ve deleted everything by now. As soon as he realised the bear was moved into the closet I’m sure he would’ve gotten rid of the proof.

Your mind races for hours, and before you know it, the sun is down. Your head still pounding with what could be the case and what would happen if you did what, each scenario runs rampant in your head, making you dizzy as you unconsciously moved until you were lying on your stomach, your pillow thrown over the back of your head in attempt to silence the thoughts.

Then you feel a hand on the small of your back, immediately causing you to flinch and sit up on your ass, reading to start kicking the damned asshole that's been- oh its Kurt. Wait…

“Are you okay?” You don’t answer him, you instead spring forward, falling into his arms as a few stray tears fall from your cheeks, his tail moving up in the most attractive way possible to wipe the tears off your cheeks, his arms wrapped around your waist as he squeezes you.

You both sit like that for a while, at some point he even moves to lean against your headboard, still holding you in his lap, then his hands move, causing you to sit up slightly, unaware of the way you were positioned on his lap as his hands cradle your face and he looks into your eyes.

“What’s going on?” He whispers softly, not exactly expecting an answer, but figuring your eyes would probably tell him anyway. You sniffle.

“Wait-” Your voice cracks, and you shut your eyes to think. “How did you- when- why?”

“Are you gonna finish any of those questions?” He asks rhetorically, his hands making their way to rest on your thighs. “I came in here like five minutes ago, You weren’t answering your phone and it’s only eight so I got worried.”

“And how..?”

“Honey, I can teleport.” He chuckles, his head tilting slightly, your brain completely ignoring the pet name he’s decided to give you.

“Oh… Yea…” You say softly, and you feel his tail move on your back before it pushes you carefully towards him, his hands moving to wrap back around your waist as he takes you in for another hug, and you rest your forehead on his shoulders. You weren’t crying anymore. Instead, new thoughts ran through your head. He can teleport.

He can teleport…

He can… teleport?

You didn’t know that before. You snap back out of your brain to feel one of his hands on the bare skin of your back, which makes you sit up awkwardly, causing his hand to move across your waist until it's back on your thigh.

“I didn’t know you could teleport.”

“Really? I figured you knew that already.”

“No.” Your voice sounded more stern. He wouldn’t. Would he?

His hands gently move up. His left hand stopping on your wait and his right hand continuing up to your cheek, you also feel something wrap gently around your calf. Something felt wrong. And it makes you feel sick. You clear your throat a little, and try to count to yourself.

Shit… His right hand moves just slightly, his thumb moving softly over your bottom lip as you stare into his eyes, your brows quirked in confusion but they were devoured in tiredness. Then his hand gently cups the back of your neck, and his tail wraps just slightly tighter around your calf. Then he kisses you. Why is he kissing you? He’s supposed to just be your friend. He shouldn’t be doing this. You pull away slightly, but his lips just trail down from your lips to your neck, gently biting at your skin. You open your mouth to say something, but your voice catches in your throat. Then both of his hands gently move down to your waist before he softly pushes you onto your back. NOPE.

You scramble out from under him, but his tail tightens around your calf. “What’s wrong…?” He asks, trying his hardest to sound innocent.

“What do you think you’re doing..?” You finally choke out, pulling again before his tail finally loosens around your leg.

“I just thought-”

“Please get out.” You demand, not letting him finish. Your voice embarrassingly raises a few octaves as you speak. “Now.” Voice shaking, you sit up straight before he finally moves.

“Okay… I’m sorry.” He tells you softly, getting off your bed and making his way to the door, “Goodnight.” He says before finally leaving.

Then you actually catch your breath. What the fuck just happened. He can teleport. Logan. Logan in the morning. Logan…

“Logan!” You barge into his office, but this time he’s there, looking at his computer for a moment before his eyes shift onto you above the screen, barging in with red cheeks and a red nose, and a shaking body. Which is why he stands up quickly and walks towards you, letting him fall into his arms and sob quietly.

“There you go… you’re okay, pup. It’s okay… just breathe.” He whispers soothingly, pressing gentle kisses to the top of your head as his hand softly runs over your back, trying with his best effort to get you to calm down, and reaching behind you for a moment to lock his door, making sure no one else could barge in. “It’s okay, pup… I’ve got you.” He kisses the top of your head one final time before resting his chin there, his arms still wrapped around you as your own arms are squeezing around his waist.

“Okay…” He whispers again after a few moments of not hearing your sobbing. “Tell me what’s going on?” He gently moves his hands to rest on your shoulders, carefully creating a distance big enough for him to look down at you as you use the backs of your hands to dry your cheeks.

“There was a camera…” You start, actually debating whether or not to tell him. Fuck it. You tell yourself again. “It was inside of my bear's eye, and it was watching me, and at first the whirring sound didn’t bother me cause I thought it was my neighbours, I don’t have neighbours, and the clicking drove me crazy. I couldn’t think, every time there was a click. He said it was you, but you don’t know how to deal with simple tech, I told him that, you were the only other one to touch the bear, and he’s never been in my room before, but he can teleport, he teleported, I didn’t know he could teleport, then I ask him, and he kissed me and-”

“Okay, okay.” He interrupts you finally, placing his palm over your mouth. “So somebody put a camera in the eye of your bear?”

“Mhm, Kurt.”

“Okay…” He nods slightly, squinting his eyes as if to take in the information. “He was taking pictures of you, and whirring and clicking what’s with that?”

“See that’s why I know it wasn’t you… It was the camera making sounds.”

“And Kurt thought it was me?” You nod. “He said he’s never been in your room before?” You nod again. “But he can… teleport?” He finishes, making you nod hysterically.

“And then he forced me to kiss him…” You pout a little, your shoulders dropping as you remember what happened in detail. It disgusted you.

“He…” He clears his throat slightly. “Forced you to kiss him…” His voice deepens, but you don’t notice it as you nod some more. “Should I call him in here?” He shrugs himself a little.

“No, no. No, I don't want to see him.” You move away slightly, freaking out.

“Okay, okay. Pup, hun, come here.” He reaches out, gently cupping your face in his hands. “If you don’t want me to then I won’t. But you have to tell me what you want me to do.”

“Am I able to get another room?” His jaw clenches slightly as he thinks about it, then he lets go of you and moves to look at his computer. After moving his mouse and typing some things on his keyboard. “So I can’t. I can only see what room students have, you can request it from Xavier though and he will look into it when he gets-” You groan in the middle of his sentence as he moves away from his desk and you land your forehead on his chest. “-back from his mission.” He finishes telling you, gently wrapping his arms around your waist to pull you closer.

“I don’t wanna be alone in my room anymore at night though. What if he comes in while I’m sleeping? Or what if-” He silences you by placing his palm over your mouth again.

“The only thing I can suggest is not sleeping in the mansion until you get a room change.”

“But I’m not allowed to leave…”

“How is Xavier gonna know?”

“I don’t have a place to go…”

“I have a log cabin.” He tells you, making your eyes practically sparkle slightly. “If you’d like, I can take the rest of the week off and take you there. I can put in an excuse for you.”

You think about it, your eyes leaving his eyes as they stare past him.

“You don’t have to of course. It’s completely up to you. But if you really want to get away from Kurt, then come with me to the cabin. I’ll keep you safe.” He tells you, his left arm moving around your waist and his right hand gently tilting your head up so he could look into your eyes.

“Okay…” You whisper, moving closer again to fall into his arms and onto his chest as his arms snake back around you, as he presses one final kiss to your forehead…

#marvel #marvel smut #fanfic #marvel fanfiction #smut #x reader #wolverine #wolverine x reader #logan #logan x reader #logan howlett

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helplesslyblue77 · 1 year

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You Can't Deny(That Beast Inside)

Genre: Smut, minors dni

Pairing: Hybrid!Felix x Reader

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: Hybrid!Felix is a golden retriever, Friends to Lovers, heat - Freeform, Breeding Kink, Mentions of pups and all the usual stuff that comes(haha get it lol) with a hybrid au, Dirty Talk, hints of Sub!Felix but its mostly Dom!Felix. He gets a little posessive and crazy but we love it

Notes:

bro i love hybrid au's. they weren't something id ever seen out of the kpop fandom, and ive been in a LOT of fandoms. i wonder why thier so specific to kpop

Felix, your best friend of ten years, your lovable Golden Retriever Hybrid who always smiles and makes time for you no matter what, your crush of so many years is avoiding you. It hurts your heart to admit it but it has to be true.

It started three days ago, when you texted him, asking him to come over for your weekly movie night. You received this in response:

“I'm sorry, I can't make it this week.”

He had never, ever skipped out on your weekly movie night.

You had asked if he was ok, and he had told you he was fine, just a little sick.

“Can I come over to help?”

You'd texted and promptly been shut down, rather harshly in your opinion. Fine, whatever.

Ok, so maybe Felix was sick and just didn't want to get you sick as well. You believed that until you saw him at the grocery store, perfectly fine. You marched over to him, intent on giving him a piece of your mind, but to your surprise, he had practically run away from you. Without so much as a greeting.

So you called Chan.

“Is Felix avoiding me?”

He coughed and stuttered out. “N-no of course not, why would you think that?”

Chan was a horrible liar.

“He ran away from me at the grocery store, and he won't answer my texts or calls.”

“He's just sick. It's not too bad, he just doesn't want to get you sick.”

You frowned, “If it's that bad, I should go over there—”

Chan interrupted you.

“No wait, he told us not to let you—”

“WHAT?”

“Wait name don't—”

That infuriated you beyond belief, so he was avoiding you huh?

You hung up, intent on giving him a piece of your mind.

Too bad for him, you knew his address. So you collected yourself and stormed over there, opening the door with the spare key hidden under the rocks by the porch. The house was silent when you entered, storming down the dark hallway you slammed on the lights, shouting at the top of your lungs.

“LEE FELIX.”

⊛⊛⊛

Felix felt bad about ignoring you, every minute apart from you tore at his heart, and your sad face as he had all but run away from you at the grocery store haunted him every moment.

But it was for the best. He couldn't be around you when his heat was approaching, it wasn't safe for you. He felt tense as if any minute he could jump on you and take you, with or without your permission and he would rather die than ever mess up your friendship, even if he wanted you, had wanted you for years now.

Felix had resigned himself to being permanently stuck in the friend zone years ago, and yet he still hoped that one day, you would reciprocate his deep feelings for you, but he knew it was just wishful thinking.

It had started years ago, these urges, and every heat since then Felix had barred alone, accompanied by only thoughts of you. It was dangerous to be near you when he was so close to his heat, your scent tempted him constantly, the pretty sundresses you wore exposed the crotch of your panties when you bent down, and Felix had to do his best not to take you over the kitchen table, in front of all of his friends.

Even if he knew they would enjoy it(Probably a little too much for their own good.)his sense of possessiveness couldn't let the other see you like that.

But it had been worse lately. You had been babysitting your younger cousin, a baby of only two and Felix had watched in agony as you practically glowed with the baby. He couldn’t help imagining the child was yours and the hybrid side of him longed to put his pups into you.

He knew you would look so good all swollen with his pups, and that was when Felix realized his heat was approaching and he needed to get away from you before he did something potentially disastrous. So he had locked himself in his room, in constant agony and accompanied only by his vivid fantasies of you.

So when he heard your pretty voice, shouting his name at first he thought it was just his fantasies.

But the longer he listened, the more wrong it sounded. First of all, the tone was all wrong, you sounded furious and it was acconpanied by a loud slamming sound.

And then he smelled you, you're scent too fresh to belong to the small heap of your clothes he had been desperately sniffing. And then his kitchen door slammed and Felix realized you were here. In his house. Less than a wall was separating the two of you. Felix almost came right then and there, your scent overwhelming him as he humped desperately into the mattress, still fully clothed.

You were stomping around his house, shouting his name and Felix hurriedly pulled himself out of his fantasies and bit his hand so hard it started to bleed.

The sharp burst of pain cleared his hand for a moment and he hurriedly stood up, trying and failing to hide the bulge in his pants, before giving up and taking a deep breath, exiting his bedroom.

You were furious, he could tell as you laid eyes on him, marching right up and planting a finger in his chest. Felix held his breath desperately trying not to lose it as you yelled at him.

“Lee Felix, how dare you ignore me, your not sick—”

You were still yelling but all Felix could focus on was your pretty face, you looked so radiant when you were mad, and Felix would gladly get on his knees and worship you, let you step on his hard cock with your pretty feet or maybe you would slap him, and call him a pervert. He could be your good boy, he could do that. Or if you wanted he could beg you to sit on his face, he would gladly suffocate in your pussy.

That would feel like heaven.

Or maybe if he begged for it enough you would let him fill your pussy with cum, pumping his pups into you until you were nice and round and full, and—

“Felix! Are you even listening to me?”

Felix could help it, he let out a whimper. You frowned, finally taking in his flushed cheeks, his sweaty hair plastered to his forehead, his wrinkled clothes and most telling of all, the large bulge tenting the front of his gray sweatpants. Your eyes widened, and you stepped back hurriedly. Felix followed you, trying to be as close as possible to you, even if he knew he couldn't have you. You frowned, your back hitting the wall, and parted your pretty lips, asking him a question.

“Felix? Are you in Heat?”

Felix pressed against you, and buried his face in your neck, breathing in your scent in large gulps, trying his best to memorize it before you ran out of the house in disgust.

You shivered a little and Felix groaned as he smelt the sweet smell of arousal emanating from between your thighs. The strings holding his sanity were thin, too close to snapping as you thrashed against him, rubbing your thighs together. You shuddered and ground out a question.

“Felix? Do you need help? I can get someone—”

“No…”

He moaned out, his voice rough and deep and you whimpered. “Only want you, please…”

His tale swished back and forth, the soft yellow fur catching on your leg and you moaned as his pretty hands gripped your thighs desperately. “You…want me?”

The question came out haltingly, your brain muddled and overcome with arousal.

Felix nodded against your neck. “Only wanted you, always. I love you.”

You gasped at the admission, your heart full, even as your empty pussy pulsed.

Felix whined against you, the scent of arousal driving him nearly insane. He was about to tell you to leave, you needed to leave before he lost it and fucked you against the wall, but then you grabbed him by the collar, dragging him into his room and shoving him onto the bed.

“I love you too, Felix.”

He whimpered as you pulled off your shirt and skirt, your panties and bra hitting the floor. He made quick work of his clothes, and you stared greedily at his cock, gulping.

You realized that Hybrids had, um, bigger dicks than humans, but you had never realized how truly big he was. Just the sight of it made your mouth water desperately, and another time you would have loved to have your mouth on it but right now, you just wanted it inside you, spearing your insides and rendering you nearly dumb.

You could tell Felix wanted the same, even as he waited patiently for you, you could see his impatience in how his hands gripped the sheets, ripping holes and he desperately held himself back, trying to not look too desperate. His tail was wagging back and forth, at an embarrassing rate and all he could see was you. He couldn't believe this was even happening.

After years and years of deserted hopes and dreams of you, he tried to hold on to as he woke to a cold empty bed, you were finally his, not Chans, not Jisung's, his mate.

Felix could smell your arousal scenting the air, and the sight of your naked body was just too much for him. He was about two seconds from just jumping on you and taking you against the floor but thankfully, you ceased his torture and moved on top of him gracefully, lining your entrance up with his tip.

You were tempted to tease him, he looked too cute with that desperate look in his eyes, his cheeks flushed and his chest heaving up and down with the effort of restraining himself, but you didn't know if you would last, your arousal driving you nearly insane with want. So you spared him, easing down slowly on his cock, taking him one inch at a time.

He was big, and the stretch was slightly painful but the pain only served to turn you on more, and when you looked down, and saw that only half of him was inside of you, you felt yourself tighten around him. Felix knotted his hands tighter in the blankets, letting you take your time. You felt so good, so tight, the hot walls of your pussy fluttering around him and your pretty moans filling the air.

Felix still half believed this was a dream.

It took a lot of time, but finally, he was fully inside of you. You felt stuffed, unbelievably full as he pulsed inside of you, and you nearly came there and then as you looked down, noticing the bulge denting your stomach.

Felix was almost gone by now, his hybrid side so close to taking over and all he could think about was fucking you full of his pups, filling his precious mate up completely, and fucking you until you were moaning and screaming dumbly on his cock.

Before he was completely gone, he made sure to grip your face, turning your eyes to his own.

“Can I let go?”

You shuddered, and leaned in, kissing him gently. “Yes, Felix. I'm yours.”

And with those words he was gone.

He lunged forward, gripping you close to him and he pounded your pussy desperately, moans and whimpers filling the air and mixing with your own. He set a ruthless pace, his thick cock felt like it was rearranging your internal organs with each thrust and you didn't think you would ever be able to go back. He had quite literally ruined you for another man.

“Your mine, m-my mate. The others cant have you.”

At the mention of the others, you almost stopped him, but his words were slurred and desperate, and his possessive nature turned you on. You could almost feel your thoughts slipping away like he was fucking them out of you.

“Oh Felix, y-yes I'm y-yours…” you interrupted yourself with a loud moan as Felix picked up his thrusts, humping into you with wild abandon.

This desperate, possessive side of your Felix, who was always sunshine and smiles was new to you. It turned you on beyond belief. You could feel your high coming, feel the tense knot in your groin as Felix fucked you closer and closer to completion. You could feel his thrusts stutter as well.

You tried to warn him. “Felix, ‘m c-coming!”

He mumbled out more nonsense, interspersed with desperate moans as he sucked possessive hickeys into your neck.

“Make sure the o-others know your mine…fill you up with my c-cum, breed my pretty mate full of my pups…”

His hand makes its way to your clit and you scream, fingernails leaving large scratches on his back.

His thrusts turn sloppy and he ruts into you desperately, his moans mixing with yours.

“So pretty, always been so p-pretty, and n-now you're mine.”

You whimper, gripping his shoulders tightly. Your high crashes over you, and you clench around Felix's cock, he stutters, shoving inside you one more time, and moans as he cums. You feel his knot swell inside you, locking his cock inside you as he cums and the extra stretch makes you orgasm a second time, clenching around Felix as he lets out an especially raspy grunt.

He seems to cum and cum, his hand making its way down to your clit, and he rubs circles into it, prolonging your orgasm. You pull him down, sealing your lips as his cum pumps into your stomach. The kiss is all teeth and tongue and as your orgasm finally dies down, Felix’s still hard cock lodged in your stomach you feel beyond exhausted. Felix collapses on top of you, kissing your neck.

He hugs you fondly, his voice almost shy as he asks you, “Be my girlfriend?”

You giggle a little, how is this the same man who fucked you ruthlessly into the bed and still has his cock lodged inside you. You can tell he's pouting against your neck so you put him out of his misery, wrapping your arms around his naked back. “Oh course Felix.”

His cock is still hard inside of you, and you can feel yourself clench around him. He sounds almost cocky as he teases you. “Are you ready for more, Baby?”

You slap his back. “How long do heats usually last?”

He smirks, pulling away as his hands and planting a chaste kiss on your lips.

You wiggle, clenching around him.

“About a week.”

You moan as he flips you around, entering you again from the back even as his cum drips down your thighs, wetting the bed below you. You're in for a long week.

originally posted on ao3 on 2023-06-04

reposted on ao3 on 2023-06-08

#stray kids x reader #lee felix x reader #skz smut #smut #stray kids smut #felix lee #hybrid au #skz hybrid

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bvidzsoo · 8 months

Text

Love Me Like A Rockstar (5)

ー☆ Chapter 5: Avalanche

Author: bvidzsoo

Pairing: Song Mingi x female reader

ー☆ Warning: cussing, mentions of suicide ー☆ Word count: 8k ー☆ Genre: university!au, enemies to lovers!au, rockstar!au ー☆ Rating: sfw ー☆ Summary: Love. You wanted none of it. You had already been heartbroken very badly once, you didn't wish to go through that ever again. But the Universe works in intricate ways and, somehow, you found yourself webbed up in a local rockstar's life, Song Mingi. He was everything you expected him to be, yet nothing like you imagined him he would be. What happens when you find mutual understanding and have heartful conversations? Will he be able to break down your walls? Will you be able to chase away his darkness?

A/N: Updateee, hehet. Now, now...this chapter is emotionally loaded, but at least we can notice some progress in their relationship lol, it was about time if you ask me. Please listen to Avalanche before or while reading this chapter, it's really important as it portrays Mingi's story and feelings in the past, so please don't skip it! I can't promise the next update will be soon because I have a deadline by next week, but if I won't be too burned out then I might just update towards next weekend. ALSO G U Y S!!!! Tunnel?!?!?!?!?! SONG MINGI'S SOLO???? ARE WE FINE?!?!?! WHAT DO YOU MEAN HE RELEASES T H A T WHILE I'M WRITING A STORY EXACTLY LIKE THAT???!! No, but seriously, I'm completely not fine, I still can't believe this happened BECAUSE IT'S NOT THE FIRST TIME I WRITE SOMETHING AND IT HAPPENS. Okay, I'm done screaming, sorry. I hope you all enjoy this chapter, I tried my best and I hope it turned out okay. Feedback is appreciated, enjoy now!!

Taglist: @orshii @or5i @lovely-red2 @juicy-red @scarfac3 @sunaswifes-blog @voicesinmyhead-rc @teez-the-time @maru-matt @kyeos4ng @deathbyyeekies @chicksmoothie @okokmaybe01-blog

⟨Series M.list ↭ Previous Chapter⟩

♫Playlist♫

There was a beat of silence, of nobody moving, of nobody blinking or saying anything. My heart shouldn’t have picked up its rhythm so fast, but as my eyes briefly ran over Mingi’s tall form standing in the doorway opposite mine, I realized he looked the same as in the video I have seen on Seulgi’s Instagram story, the only change to his outfit was the black hoodie covering his broad frame—and wet, almost see-through, white shirt.

“What are you doing here?” My mouth was moving before I could think, mind suddenly a puddle.

“Picking up some food since I’m headed home from Outlaw.” Mingi’s explanation came quickly, his own eyes taking in my appearance as they briefly ran over my body. My grip tightened around the doorknob as I suddenly felt embarrassed. I knew I didn’t look like my usual self; my eyes were still red from crying, and I couldn’t help but sniff every other few minute. And I was completely soaked in rainwater.

“What are you doing here?” Mingi asked at once, eyes finally meeting mine. His expression was neutral, but there was something in his eyes—he seemed tired. Black eyeliner rimmed his already sharp eyes, creating the illusion of them piercing right through you. I suddenly felt naked under his attentive gaze, too exposed for my liking. I cleared my throat and stepped away from the doorway finally, circling my arms around my body, just now noticing the teetering of my teeth. I tried to offer my body some comfort by hugging myself, but it wasn’t exactly working.

“I was on a walk when it started raining, so I took shelter in here.” That wasn’t a lie at all, yet under Mingi’s watchful gaze, it felt like one. My eyebrows slightly furrowed at the thought, wondering why it felt like I was lying. Perhaps it was the doubt in his eyes as he looked over me once again, clearly questioning why I was drenched from head to toe if I took shelter in here, but I would not further explain myself to him.

“Right,” His voice conveyed nothing and I tried to hide my surprise as he didn’t prod further, “I understand.”

He stepped outside the men’s restroom finally, making me press myself up against the cold wall of the hallway as it was narrow, sniffing as another shudder ripped through my body. Despite having warmed my hands and cheeks with the warm water, I could feel the cold seep through my bones once again as my clothes clung onto my frame uncomfortably. Mingi didn’t cast me any other glance as he took off towards the main hall and I found myself following after him, licking my dry lips as I tried to hug myself tighter, rubbing at my side clumsily. It was my last attempt to warm myself up. My eyes were trained on the floor as they were burning, but I found them drawn upwards soon, curiously watching the back of Mingi’s head. His black hair was damp, and the blue sheer sunglass I saw him wearing in the video was put on backwards, making me frown as I stared at it as it rested against the back of Mingi’s head. Couldn’t he just take it off? Why wear it backwards? Was this a new trend he was following to become more famous? I scoffed at myself quietly as Mingi and I rounded the corner, walking back inside the main hall of the diner, the lady at the front counter looking up from a notebook she was writing in, cash placed next to it. Her eyes were trained on Mingi only, and I rolled my eyes subconsciously, awaiting her to act like one of his baboons—fangirls—from Outlaw and even from our university, but instead, her eyes held warmth as she leaned down and grabbed something from behind the counter. I found myself rooted to my place, watching the interaction—just slightly intrigued—as if I were a child waiting for their parent to finally move and leave the diner. It was silly, really, why was I waiting for Mingi? It’s not like him and I would be leaving together—yet my feet refused to move despite my thoughts telling me to do so.

“Steak with mashed potatoes and some side dishes, just the way you like it.” The lady said kindly as she placed a casserole inside a bag on the counter, pushing it towards Mingi. My eyes were glued to the side of his face, watching his reaction, waiting for his usual arrogant and flirty self to come to the surface, but instead, a small smile made it onto his face as his right hand slipped inside his pocket. Huh, that was new, I’ve never seen Mingi act like—himself—in front of a woman before.

“Thank you, Dahyun, you always seem to know what I’m craving.” Mingi told her quietly and I squeezed my eyes shut as I felt a sneeze trying to fight its way out of my nose, it burned.

“No, you just always ask for the same meals on the same days,” She chuckled as Mingi extended the money towards her, “You’re a simple man, and my memory is simply too good—it’s on the house tonight, Mingi.”

“But—”

“I already closed the register.” Dahyun winked at him and pushed Mingi’s hand back, ignoring the noises of complaint he made, “Seriously, do you want me to overwork myself?”

“Fine,” Mingi sighed, his eyebrows furrowed. My head started to lightly thump and I found myself leaning against the wall, eyes heavy and burning. My mother would kill me for getting sick for such a dumb reason as to staying out in the rain without realizing it was even pouring. Damn Yunho, it’s his fault, “But at least let me leave a tip.”

Dahyun gave Mingi a pointed stare before her eyes fell on me, suddenly realizing I was there too. I cleared my throat awkwardly as I stood up straight, pushing a strand of hair behind my ear. Mingi turned his head, his eyes falling on me as well, and suddenly I felt—so small. Both of them were looking at me with concern in their eyes, and I couldn’t help but look away as my eyes were suddenly burning with tears in them. Why was I in such an unstable state all of a sudden? My chest felt lighter, my throat wasn’t closing in on me anymore—I was fine, so then why?

“Can you make her some tea? If I’m not asking for too much.” My eyes snapped up in Mingi’s direction as he was looking at me, face still emotionless, but eyebrows furrowed.

“Of course, we’ve still got like five minutes until we’re closing.” Dahyun answered him cheerily and then turned around, opening some cabinets as she got to work.

“Okay, but accept the money this time.” Mingi muttered and placed some bills on the counter, pushing it towards the notebook she seemed to be busy with before we disturbed her.

“Whatever.” Dahyun huffed and cast me a quick glance as Mingi turned to look at me again.

“Are you cold?” Mingi asked and I tensed my muscles, trying to stop the trembling, but it was hard—and it wasn’t even working. But I just gulped and pulled myself together, walking closer to him.

“No.” My teeth clanked against each other again and I sniffed as Dahyun turned to face me, a plastic cup in her hands.

“We only have wild berry tea; I hope you like that.” She said with a smile as she placed the cup on the counter and pushed it towards me. I cleared my throat and looked down at it, the steam hot and inviting as I reluctantly reached out for it. It was embarrassing—this whole situation. I was looking like a mess, on the verge of another breakdown, because why not—my brain decided that I simply wasn’t finished crying over nothing—even if it wasn’t exactly nothing, I refused to acknowledge it. I reluctantly reached for the cup, slightly annoyed that Mingi and this Dahyun girl were looking at me like I was going to break—or explode—at any given moment. I let out a frustrated sigh as my fingers wrapped around the hot cup firmly, skin slightly burning, but I welcomed the feeling as I have stopped feeling my fingers a good few minutes ago.

“Stop looking at me like that, Mingi, I’m fine.” I didn’t mean to snap, but my tone was sharp as I sucked in a sharp breath, bringing the cup up to my lips and blowing on the hot water, the steam warming my skin.

“I’m not looking—anyways,” He cut himself off as he grabbed the bag with his food inside and stepped away from the counter, “Thank you, Dahyun, we won’t be holding you back for longer.”

“No problem, see you soon!” She said with a smile, waving a little as Mingi nodded at her, barely returning her smile. It seemed almost like there was something wrong with him, but I couldn’t tell, I didn’t know him well. He could’ve been simply acting to gain our sympathy—I could see Mingi doing something like that, it didn’t seem too far from his atrocious character.

“Uh, thank you.” I thanked the girl quietly as I slightly bowed my head and she just smiled, waving at me as well as I quickly hurried after Mingi, who had stopped in the doorway, apparently waiting for me.

His hand reached out for the handle, but he hesitated for a second, not opening the door just yet, “It’s still raining…and you don’t have an umbrella…”

I raised an eyebrow as I took a sip of my hot tea, taking a glance at Mingi. He was looking ahead, eyes trained on the road through the glass doors. The sweet taste of wild berries exploded in my mouth and I bit my lip as the warm tea flushed down my throat, warming me up from the inside as I eagerly took another big gulp, slightly burning my tongue.

“Yeah, I don’t have an umbrella.” I said, the two of us looking at each other at the same time, “But it’s fine, I’m already drenched. I’ll just run home—”

“You’re already shivering and shaking constantly, Y/N.” Mingi said matter of fact, and I rolled my eyes almost instantly, “Let me drive you home.”

“You don’t have to, it doesn’t matter.” I muttered with a shrug and took another sip of my tea, but Mingi just shook his head and turned his body slightly towards mine.

“You keep sniffing and you are clearly cold, even if you say you aren’t.” He raised an eyebrow, pointing towards my flushed cheek—I could only hope I wouldn’t have a fever, “You’ll catch a cold at this point, just let me drive you home. It’s not a big deal, really.”

“Mingi,” I sighed loudly, giving him a glare, “I’m fine, I’m not cold and I won’t catch a cold—”

Almost as if the Universe—or my own body—was having a laugh at me, a sneeze forced its way through my nostrils, loud, and an obvious sign that I wasn’t doing too well currently. Mingi’s lips pressed into a thin line as he tried not to smile and suppress his chuckle, making me grumble to myself as I quickly drank the remaining tea, feeling slightly warmer.

“Still going to pass on that ride?” Mingi quirked an eyebrow as a smirk appeared on his lips and I scoffed, crossing my arms in front of my chest.

“Lead the way, Prince Charming.” I mocked, but it only made Mingi giggle as he pushed the door open, the breeze freezing as it suddenly hit me. I instantly shivered and made myself smaller, clutching myself around my middle.

“That’s my car.” Mingi pointed towards a black car across the street and suddenly he took off, pulling his hood over his head, running out into the rain. There was no oncoming traffic, so I quickly left the shop and ran across the road, headed for the passenger seat. As I got there, the car was unlocked and Mingi was pulling the key out of the lock and opening his side of the door quickly, jumping inside. I followed his lead and slammed the door closed after sitting inside, shivering and groaning at the cold gripping at my skin again, pressing myself back into the leather seat of Mingi’s car. He placed the food in the backseat, putting the keys into the ignition. He looked at me, lips slightly pursed.

“Uh,” For the first time in my life, Mingi looked embarrassed as he scratched his nape, “The car’s old so uhm—we’ll have to wait a little bit before we take off. For the engine to warm up and shit, you know.”

I hummed and gulped, grip tightening around the plastic cup I was still holding onto. I did not want to prolong my time spent together with Mingi, so why couldn’t his car work just fine? I watched him as he turned the key, but the engine didn’t start right away, screeching for a second as Mingi tried again, groaning with his eyebrows furrowed. I remained silent as I watched him struggle for a few more seconds until the engine finally rumbled to life, the sound louder than I expected. But it only lasted for another second before it settled down, the pouring rain overshadowing the sound of the old engine. Mingi went and pressed a few buttons on the dashboard and I allowed my muscles to relax slightly, noting the way I was still shaking. When will it stop? It was getting annoying. As if Mingi sensed my train of thoughts, he turned his head towards me and cleared his throat.

“Are you cold?” He asked, making me sigh as I shook my head no, refusing to admit that I couldn’t feel my feet anymore. Maybe if this old wreck could warm up faster I wouldn’t be shaking so much—and I knew Mingi’s car had zero faults right now, but I had to pour my irritation onto something instead of admitting defeat in front of him, “You’re very obviously cold, Y/N.”

I scoffed and my eyes snapped to him as he suddenly leaned more towards me, reaching for something in the backseat of the car, “If it’s so obvious, Mr. Obvious, do something about it—”

My mouth clamped shut the second Mingi was holding a black denim jacket in his hand with a lopsided smile, extending it towards me, “I am doing something about it, here, wear it.”

He let it fall into my lap before I could refuse him and suddenly my cheeks were on fire—and not from the cold. I cleared my throat loudly and averted my gaze as Mingi settled back into his seat with a small grin, watching me as I rolled my eyes, fumbling with the heavy jacket he had given me. I didn’t want to wear it—that was the last thing I actually wanted to do, but a violent shiver racked through my body and I was suddenly moving faster than lightning, groaning as my clothes were still stuck against my body. It was a horrible feeling, but at least Mingi’s seats were leather, easier to clean. I pulled the black denim jacket around my shoulders before putting each arm through the sleeves, trying to ignore Mingi’s eyes on me, and the amused smile he had on his face. It wasn’t funny—but it was probably entertaining to him. I wonder how many girls he took home like this before me, letting them wear his jacket only to flirt with them afterwards as a means of getting to sleep with them. Men were easy, and Mingi was one of them. I could see right through his bullshit, and so, despite the warmth and masculine scent enveloping my senses, I gave Mingi a sharp glare, making him chuckle.

“You’re so predictable,” He said quietly, almost as if to himself, but I heard him, and I scoffed, “You won’t thank me, right?”

“I’m still cold.” I evaded his question instead, giving him a look, but Mingi just giggled, the sound low and deep inside his chest. I watched as his features relaxed and found my heart beating faster once again as I realized that I was enclosed in a tiny space with him, barely a few feet away from each other. There was something different about Mingi all of a sudden as he threw his head back, sighing loudly and gripping the wheel. His eyes fluttered close and I couldn’t will myself to look away, suddenly curious of the man sitting next to me. Who was he? Why was he like this? But the confusing butterflies deep inside my stomach sent me into distress, and I averted my eyes as Mingi opened his, and realized it was becoming suffocating. The silence. I didn’t like it. Mingi wasn’t saying anything, the engine was still dully rumbling and the rain was hitting the roof of the old Honda Prelude loudly. It didn’t feel as restricting as earlier, but my throat was squeezing in on itself and without asking for permission, I reached forward and pressed a button on the stereo, turning the radio on.

The instrumental wasn’t something I have heard before, and the harsh beat of the drums resounded in the car loudly, making my heart jump. Soon, the drum was accompanied by the lively but soft melody of the guitar, guiding it through. It felt like a storm, the loud and harsh beats of the drums lead by the soft yet determined guitar. It was almost as if two sides of the coin were leaning on each other for support—almost as if one was desperate to be shown some light in the darkness. I saw Mingi shift in the corner of my eyes, and I was startled at the intense look in his eyes as he looked at me, lips parted and eyebrows drawn up. He seemed surprised but at the same time almost angry, it was a look I couldn’t read well yet. I didn’t understand why he was looking at me like that. Suddenly, the drums slightly softened, until they became silent, and the guitar guided the melody smoothly, bringing it a comforting feeling. Mingi and I were still looking at each other and I was about to ask why he was looking at me like that, but suddenly the raspy, yet warm, voice resounding in the car took me off guard as my eyes widened, leaving me gaping at Mingi.

『Cut me open and tell me what's inside

Diagnose me 'cause I can't keep wondering why

And no, it's not a phase 'cause it happens all the time

Start over, check again, now tell me what you find

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

His voice was smooth as the drums and guitar accompanied it, dropping lower at times and feeling like the caress of a whisper at the same time. Mingi’s face had turned emotionless once again as his eyes locked with mine, and I tried to give him a glare, but my mind was focused on the words he was singing—on the message behind his lyrics.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice』

The beat picked up again, the drums louder as the melody grew more aggressive, Mingi’s voice reflecting it and gliding with it. His voice was powerful and held sincerity as he sung, his words ringing through my mind as the raspiness of it became more hearable. I couldn’t hold Mingi’s gaze anymore and I swiftly turned my head, playing with the cup I had in my hands as I gulped, the melody slowing down once again.

『Am I broken? What's the chance I will survive?

Don't sugarcoat me 'cause I feel like suicide

Just give it to me straight, 'cause I'm running out of time

I need an antidote, now what can you prescribe?』

My eyebrows furrowed the longer I listened to his words, wondering if this is what he actually felt like. Wondering when he wrote this song. Wondering why and how was Mingi hiding such feelings locked away in himself, in a way that nobody would be able to see the real him. Why were his words so relatable and why did I suddenly find myself teary eyed, biting my lower lip to try and get a grip of myself again.

『It's like an avalanche, I feel myself go under

'Cause the weight of it's like hands around my neck

I never stood a chance, my heart has frozen over

And I feel like I am treading on thin ice, and I'm going under』

I wonder who made him feel like that. Who had hurt Mingi so much that he felt like he was on the verge of giving it all up. Did he still feel like that? Were the two of us not so much different from each other after all? I sniffed, turning my head to look out the window instead, scared that if I hung my head down the tears would actually fall.

『I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world

I need a cure for me 'cause the square doesn't fit the circle

Give me a remedy 'cause my head wasn't wired for this world』

My grip around the cup tightened and I heard Mingi shift in his seat again, but I didn’t turn around to look at him. Emotions and thoughts of all sorts were whirling in my head, and I couldn’t stop thinking. I haven’t really paid attention to what he sings in his songs before—not that I had many occasions to do so—but this one suddenly felt so familiar, as if there was at least one person in the world who understood my struggles too. I’ve had low points in life before, especially after Yunho left me, and I really felt like there was no way out for me. I didn’t know how to cope and what to do with myself, I became uncaring and closed myself off to the world, only talking to those necessary, and barely doing anything if I could. That was the only time in my life when my art didn’t help at all, when I couldn’t pick up my pencil out of fear of what my mind would conjure up to torment me with. My life revolved around Jeong Yunho, and I knew because of missing him, he would be the only thing I would be drawing. He was my muse, and I hated it for such a long time not realizing that it was in some twisted way helping with getting over him. I have memorized every single feature and flaw of his, knowing it by heart. It was freeing when I was able to highlight all the things I knew he hated about himself, it made it easier for me to remind myself that he wasn’t as perfect as I thought he was. It was just the idea I had created of him in my head.

My fingers were tapping against the cup, following the rhythm of the song as Mingi’s beautiful voice carried on singing, the melody wrapping me up in my thoughts, almost getting lost to the point where I wasn’t paying attention to the song anymore. But it was actually impossible to do that, Mingi had a way to keep you focused on himself even if he was just simply singing, his raspy and warm voice keeping you in a vice grip, making you yearn for more. As the song came to an end, I released a breath I didn’t even realize I had been holding. Mingi was swift as he leaned forward and turned off the stereo, clearing his throat loudly. For a few more seconds nothing was said between the two of us, silence enveloping around us once again. But I didn’t feel uncomfortable anymore, I felt—almost sad, but mostly curious of the making of this song. Of what prompted Mingi to write it. Why were his emotions so raw in this, and who caused him to feel like this.

“It wasn’t bad,” I found myself speaking up, not really thinking through my words first, “you’re not too bad at this, Mingi.”

I didn’t expect him to laugh, and as I turned my head, he was already looking at me with an amused look on his face, covering his mouth as his laughter got louder for a second. My eyebrows furrowed, and I was about to say something less nice to him, but I realized my compliment sounded oddly similar to the one I had gotten from him back at the library. Despite fighting against the smile wanting to appear on my lips, I quickly let out a chuckle, our eyes with Mingi connecting. Despite the depth of the song and the somber atmosphere it created, Mingi seemed to be almost ecstatic as he shrugged, drumming his fingers against the wheel. Subconsciously, I nuzzled further into the collar of the denim jacket, the cologne stronger as I inhaled it, reminded that I was wearing Mingi’s jacket. I didn’t miss the way a fond smile appeared on his face for a few moments, quickly disappearing as he cleared his throat and looked ahead, pressing some other buttons on the dashboard.

“Thank you, getting a compliment from a fine arts genius certainly feels like I have won a Grammy or something.” I scoffed and rolled my eyes as Mingi chuckled, grinning at me for a second before he turned his body fully towards me, taking me off guard, “I wrote this song a long time ago, when—well, there’s nothing to hide here, when Yunho left for college. When I—remained alone at home, here in this town. Nothing was set in stone yet, to be honest, I had absolutely no idea what to do with my life back then. I was eighteen and I was confused and scared. The pressure of figuring out what you wanted to do with your life at such a young age was frightening and breaking me down, to be honest. I’ve always struggled mentally—you know, with depression and anxiety—and I think that period of time was the lowest I had ever been.”

I was soaking in every word Mingi was saying, mind silent and eyes focused on him, wanting to hear more as he continued talking, “Yunho was always the stronger one between the two of us and he always knew from a young age what he wanted to do, so when I realized I hadn’t planned my future ahead like him, I lost myself. And he—left, to college—in a different city. Hours away, leaving me all alone. I know I might sound dramatic, but I don’t deal well with change. I never have and I never will, I’m afraid. It took me almost a year to finally get used to living alone and sometimes I still struggle, it’s really frustrating. So you can imagine how badly I took my best friend, whom I have never been separated from before and we’ve known each other since kindergarten, leaving and abandoning me in the small town I have always hated and had no future in. I fell into deep depression and nothing was helping, like at all. Not even Yunho returning home out of the blue after two weeks of no contact on my part. When he saw the state I was in, we—we cried for hours, Y/N. It was horrible. I hate making him feel like that, because it wasn’t his fault, it was all mine.”

My eyebrows furrowed and my heart clenched upon hearing Mingi’s words, quietly letting out a breath which felt like it was restricting my lungs. In this moment, I heard my own thoughts and feelings in Mingi. His struggles and pain, I understood them. My fingers crushed the cup accidentally, but thankfully Mingi didn’t seem to notice as he took a deep breath and continued, “I wanted to kill myself. If Yuyu wouldn’t have come home in that exact moment—I don’t think we’d be having this conversation right now.”

My eyebrows furrowed and without really thinking, my left hand reached over the center console and I found myself gripping Mingi’s right hand, his skin so much hotter than mine. He bit his lower lip, eyebrows twitching as he averted his gaze all of a sudden, turning his hand upwards so that my fingers could slip over his palm. It was weird how easily my skin tingled at the contact; thoughts silent for once.

“He suggested I find a way of getting these thoughts and feelings out of myself. And after he left once again I knew I had to do something unless I planned on completely losing my mind, so…I took a pen and paper and started writing. Everything I felt, everything I thought. And miraculously, it worked. Slowly, of course, but it started working. I found a good therapist as well and suddenly I could see a way out of this dark cloud hung up around my head, fogging my thoughts up. I searched for a beat on YouTube and realized I could turn these thoughts and feelings into music. And they didn’t even sound bad, but what was most important was that I enjoyed doing it. I felt free, I felt like I could finally say anything I ever wanted. And I knew if this helped me, then it would help others as well, let them know they weren’t alone, and that you can go on even if it seems like you can’t. I wrote this song right before signing up to our university and sent it in as a sample. I was granted access to the studious a week later, and two weeks later accepted to the university. It’s probably one of my happiest memories, especially since Yunho surprised me that day by coming home and celebrating it with me.”

As Mingi was done talking, silence settled between the two of us. Comforting, understanding. I looked down at my lap, mind a whirlwind of thoughts all of a sudden, threatening to rush out at once. The sudden thumb sweeping against my knuckles made me slightly tense, realizing that I was completely holding hands with Mingi. My cheeks burned all of a sudden and my heart jumped, yet despite my thoughts telling me to pull my hand out of his, I didn’t move just yet. The feeling—wasn’t so bad.

“My sketchbook—the one you flipped through without my permission—” I sent Mingi a small glare as he snorted, cutting me off for a second, “is like my journal. I doddle in it daily, sometimes I even write little messages next to the sketches, noting down the things on my mind or just simply how my day went. When I draw, my mind is completely silent, I feel at ease. There’s nothing bothering me and I don’t have to worry in that moment of what the next line will illustrate or what the overall drawing will be. My thoughts are often too loud and I get overwhelmed by them, it’s hard to ignore them, you know? But by drawing, I can escape them and free myself even for a little while, it’s similar to what you must feel when you write music. Just letting go and releasing everything you feel.”

Mingi’s eyes were warm and soft as a small smile appeared on his lips, his skin suddenly burning mine and as my heartbeat showed no signs of slowing down, so, I carefully slipped my hand out of his, turning ahead and staring out at the pouring rain, feeling exposed and too small, “I understand what it must’ve felt like going through all of that. There was a time in my life, when—my whole world revolved around one person only and when—when he left, I thought I would die. I didn’t want to continue on living, to be completely honest. But with time, and thanks to my mother and Seulgi, I built myself back up. It’s fine now—I mean, I’m fine now.”

Mingi just hummed and I could feel his gaze on me as I leaned forward in the seat, rubbing my face as I felt fatigue settle over my whole being. At least I wasn’t shaking anymore, the car had warmed up significantly and my clothes weren’t sticking to my skin so violently anymore.

“Everyone has their story, Y/N.” Mingi spoke up, and I could hear the smile in his voice, “And it was very obvious to me that your attitude towards me is just a defense mechanism—”

“Oh, don’t get too cocky now that I’ve shared something so insignificant from my life.” I snapped as I turned my head, giving him a small glare. Mingi chuckled, holding his hands up in a way that said he wasn’t trying to attack me.

“I don’t think it’s insignificant—”

“Mingi.”

“Tell me something…” He trailed off and I sighed loudly, not in the mood to converse anymore. I wanted to go home, “Are those eyes really Yunho’s in your sketchbook? Because I really don’t think they are. I mean, I know what my own eyes like look and—”

“Whatever, they are yours, okay?” I snapped defensively as I crossed my arms in front of my chest, cutting Mingi off. I knew I should’ve never confessed to him that those were indeed his eyes, because now the shit eating grin he had on his lips and the way his eyes sparkled weren’t worth it. Not when my cheeks felt on fire, and I knew it wasn’t from the warmth inside the car.

“I knew it!” He said triumphantly, giggling a little, making me role my eyes.

“Just because you have pretty eyes doesn’t mean I’m in love with you.” I scoffed and suddenly Mingi froze, staring at me like I said something wrong. I raised my eyebrows at him in question.

“I never said you were in love with me.” Shit. I scoffed and rolled my eyes again, giving him a deadpan look.

“Very well, can’t have you thinking that now that you know those are your eyes.” Mingi laughed, again, as he playfully leaned towards me, making my glare deepen.

“So, you think I’m pretty?” He bit his lower lip and my brain blanked for a second as my eyes ran over his face quickly, taking in his features. Yes, he was very pretty—what the fuck?!

“Just because you have features which are easy to draw, Mingi, doesn’t mean I think you’re pretty. Have I told you already that you’re self-absorbed?” I raised my eyebrows mockingly as I clicked my tongue and Mingi chuckled as he faced forward, turning on the windshield wipers.

“Yes, quite a few times, actually.” I scoffed, putting on my seatbelt when I saw Mingi doing the same.

“Just take me home.” I muttered as I turned my head and looked out the window.

“Tell me your address first.” Mingi’s tone was playful as he turned on the stereo again, this time a channel of a radio playing music in Mingi’s vintage car as he slowly drove off.

After arriving home I had taken a very long and very hot shower, letting my body stay under the stream for a long time, probably making my mother think that I was drowning. I could feel my muscles finally relaxing, the shivers completely gone from my body as I dressed into my warmest pajamas once I got out of the shower, blow-drying my hair quickly, eager to get underneath my warm blanket. Thankfully my mother wasn’t angry at all by the time I got home, she was waiting for me with two mugs of hot chocolate with marshmallows, and a big hug. She didn’t want to tell me where her sudden affection was coming from, but she said she knew there was something wrong, and that I could go to her the next time I’m struggling. It’s funny how she always knows what the problem is, yet I don’t want to burden her furthermore with my own dramatic emotions.

After drinking the hot chocolate and having a laugh with my mother over the comedy show she was watching in her room, I finally retreated to my own room, under the oh, so warm blanket. I couldn’t help but sigh contently and nuzzle even further into the pillow under my head, grateful to be finally able to rest. But as if the Universe was out against me tonight—and it probably was hence the shitshow today was—sleep never came to me. I was beyond tired, yet I couldn’t sleep. I felt slightly restless, as if I had to do something and I wouldn’t be able to rest until I have done it—and that was drawing. The image in my head was begging for me to be released onto a blank canvas, but I wished it could wait until tomorrow—but it couldn’t, so, with a loud sigh, I sat up and turned on my lamp. The sketchbook was bigger than the one I use as a journal since I rarely use it outside of class, but for what I wanted to draw tonight I needed the bigger one. I flipped it open to a new page and grabbed my pencil, twirling it around my fingers as I sectioned the blank paper, searching for the right angle to start the drawing.

First, I settled on drawing the outlines with faded lines, the background not the most important but since it played a part in the spacing of the drawing, I had to start with that. I went and first did the outline of the car from the inside, adding shading to show where the streetlamps couldn’t reach as the car drove down the empty road, gloomy clouds raining down on us, making the roads slippery and reducing visibility, but Mingi was an attentive and calm driver as he hummed and nodded his head to the beat of the music playing on the radio. His jaw was set and eyes focused up front, on the road, eyebrows ever so slightly furrowed and lower lip quite often between his teeth as he bit into the supple flesh, his lips cherry colored and plump. His jawline long, and sharp; and cheekbones well defined, yet not too sharp; his brow bone more forward, giving him an intimidating look from the side with his eyebrows drawn together. His nose, tall, and long, and pointy—too pretty. I cleared my throat and shook my head, focusing on drawing the rest of Mingi’s features and willing my brain to shut up about whether Mingi was pretty or not—he wasn’t. I couldn’t help but draw the sunglasses he wore so hideously backwards, ruining his overall nice look, making me grimace as I darkened his hair by adding more shading to it. I illustrated the shadows falling over his face as well, his gaze slightly obscured from my view. His long fingers gripped the wheel tightly, the gemstones of his rings glinting whenever the light fell on it in a peculiar way, and I couldn’t help but recall the feeling of his skin against mine as drew the lines defining the muscle of his hands. Just as I went to draw his neck, my phone pinged, slightly startling me as it was loud. It was placed on my nightstand and I groaned as I had to lean over half of my bed to reach it. And as I took my phone into my hands, my heart skipped a beat.

I hate him: are u asleep?

I glanced at the clock and realized it would be soon midnight, I had to get this drawing done and then go to sleep as I had class early in the morning tomorrow. Besides, I didn’t want to talk to Mingi. Why was he texting me? Just because we shared a few sappy stories about ourselves doesn’t mean that we have suddenly become best friends, sharing even more life stories with each other—and most certainly Mingi had no business texting me this late at night. With a huff, I let my phone fall next to me as I continued to draw, focusing on my creation instead. Drawing the neck was easy and quick and I focused on adding little details to it instead, the silver chains he had hanging against his neck tonight, peeking through the collar of his black hoodie. I continued drawing the rest of his body, his arms and torso as well as I could as they weren’t too essential to the drawing as of now. I only wanted to draw Mingi’s profile as he drove, the darkness combined with the streetlamps casting beautiful shadows over his flawless face. But drawing Mingi, knowing that Mingi had texted me all of a sudden felt weird, and I sighed as I dropped my pencil, grabbing my phone again as I unlocked it. He had sent the message five minutes ago, that was enough time for him to fall asleep so even if I text him he’ll only see this in the morning and if he’ll answer I won’t have to text him back anymore—because I didn’t want to be texting with Mingi, at all.

Me: no. u?

As I went to close my phone, his reply came instantly, leaving me surprised. There goes my plan of Mingi being asleep and not having to talk to him tonight…

I hate him: nope, why aren’t u sleeping? Me: i can’t sleep. u?

I chewed on my bottom lip as I shuffled around for a second to be able to sit cross legged in my bed.

I hate him: yeah, same. the rain makes it hard for me to sleep…i hate rain, actually, especially the thunder.

I almost went ahead and typed back that I knew, but Mingi wasn’t supposed to know that. Mingi had no idea Yunho and I had dated back in highschool—Mingi had no idea how much I actually knew about him due to Yunho, and I intended on keeping that a secret from him. I didn’t want to wake up old ghosts in my heart which would bring pain once again.

Me: ig i’m fine with rain as long as i’m somewhere inside, but the humidity kills me. it’s the winter time i actually hate…i can’t deal with cold weather, i get easily sick…

I rubbed my forehead as I pressed send and sighed as I lowered my phone into my lap, suddenly aware of the weird butterflies in my stomach, making me almost nauseous. As I glanced back down at my phone, the three bubbles signaling that Mingi was typing back appeared, and I had to take a deep breath to settle my erratic heartbeat. What was happening? Why was my body reacting in such a weird way?

I hate him: oh, yeah, i totally get the winter thing as someone who loves dressing light. i feel like i am more myself in the summer time lol; my style rocks during the summer and then gets okay-ish during the winter, it’s sad actually…

I chuckled and smirked as I quickly typed back.

Me: why? cuz you can’t show off your biceps during the winter? I hate him: ha-ha aren’t u so funny tonight? Me: i’m always funny, mingi…

I couldn’t help but chuckle as I quickly sent the message despite Mingi still typing.

I hate him: u wish u were always funny, doll…if someone’s funny then that person is me, y/n Me: yeah, right, u wish, prince I hate him: aren’t u just in a delightful mood tonight, doll?

I scoffed but couldn’t fight off the amused smile from my lips.

Me: it’s all thanks to you, idiot I hate him: i think I prefer u calling me prince, actually… Me: u wish, idiot. I hate him: anyways, what’s your favorite season?

I raised an eyebrow as I read the text from Mingi.

Me: interesting question I hate him: well u said u didn’t like winter, so what do you like then? Me: not u, that’s for sure…

I couldn’t help but cackle at my own reply, feeling proud of myself over such little thing. I could imagine Mingi chuckling and shaking his head at it, perhaps glaring down at his phone.

Me: autumn or spring, really…not too cold nor too warm, in-between, just perfect u know?

There was a second of nothing until the bubbles popped up again, making me realize I was smiling down at my phone, so I quickly cleared my throat and got it together. There was nothing to be smiling at here.

I hate him: i get it, those seasons are really pretty…talking of pretty…do you really think i’m pretty?

I couldn’t help the loud scoff which left my lips at the same time as I rolled my eyes, very tempted to leave him on read and just go to sleep right then and there.

Me: i have already told you, mingi, i don’t think u are pretty because u a r e n ‘t, get it???

The reply was instant.

I hate him: hahahahahahaha; u are cute!

My body froze for a second, eyebrows furrowing as I reread his reply. What the fuck? Me? Cute? Yeah, sure, cute my ass—this idiot was testing my patience and kindness, once again.

Me: u’re disgusting, I’m blocking u I hate him: whatever u say, gorgeous, I know u a r e n ‘t!!!

My jaw clenched at the blatant mocking and I scoffed loudly as I looked ahead, glaring at nothing particular as my blood was boiling. He really thought I wouldn’t block him? There was nothing holding me back from doing so—suddenly the bubbles appeared again, and I looked down at my phone—just slightly curious.

I hate him: sorry if that was too much, i was just joking. i wanted to ask something all night, but i just didn’t know whether the timing was right or not or just whatever, but…are u okay? like…do you feel okay?

I gulped, my anger dissipating like it never even happened, leaving me confused. Was he now worried about me? Why would he be?

Me: i’m ok, why?

It took a little time for Mingi to answer, and it made me gulp as I read it.

I hate him: bcz your eyes were red when we met in front of the restrooms and idk…u just kinda felt off or smth…i just wanted to make sure. Me: i had a rough day, but i’m fine… thanks for asking ig… I hate him: ofc, anytime

Did he mean that? I couldn’t help but wonder. But there were so many things about Mingi that I didn’t know yet and…something changed tonight. I couldn’t completely hate him like before. The conversation we had in his car, the things he willingly shared with me were so personal and hard, yet he trusted me with them. I couldn’t help but feel good about it, thankful in a way, that despite my demeanor he still found me worthy of knowing about his past—of knowing of the backstory of said song we have listened to. I thought Mingi was all smirks and a cocky attitude, nothing in that empty and self-centered brain of his—yet he pretty much proved me wrong today, and for some reason I didn’t seem to mind too much. I couldn’t help but bite my lower lip as I looked down at my phone, realizing that it was past midnight now, I had to go to sleep.

Me: goodnight, i have classes early in the morning… I hate him: sweet dreams, y/n…see u at uni.

『I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?

'Cause I'm going out of frequency

Can anyone respond?』

❱❱ Next chapter

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randomyuu · 5 months

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so hold my hand (consign me not to darkness) [1/4]

Ah, yes. The fic that made me realise I’m in desperate need of Cursed Spirit Gojou in my ever-growing favourite GoYuu tropes.

Content Warning!

Major Character Death. Other characters are disrespectful to the corpse.

I highly suggest you read the fic first, or just the fic, since I don’t think I was properly able to adapt it into drawings. While I managed to use roughly two weeks of on-and-off planning, researching, and storyboarding, I only had a full week to finish it. You can read more of my thoughts below the comic if you’re curious.

Title: so hold my hand (consign me not to darkness)

Author: qalb_al_louz

It’s ongoing, and as of this drawing, the fic is in its third chapter. While this is (sexually) SFW, always be mindful of the tags! Please keep yourself safe and sound.

Please read from right to left, and enjoy!

You can only upload 30 images in one post, huh Damn, I gotta divide it into parts

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4

Alrighty, I'll put my watered down unhinged thoughts below. No extra drawings down there if you're curious haha (unless you want to see the storyboard and the characters' full body character sheet, lemme know). You can skip the stuff underneath the Keep Reading for all parts.

This fic had me grinning from ear to ear every time I read this. The atmosphere, how it goes from POV to POV—of pure fear and panic—and the peak excitement I got when Yuuji properly meets Gojou, like brooooo 😭

Gosh I cannot emphasise how much I love this fic. I’ve always been wanting to make a whole comic out of it, especially since it was 2 chapters and it doesn’t look like the author will update it, but it just… kind of forgotten ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿

But then the author posted a new chapter and I told myself this is a sign I should really start.

also goddamn I was so naive to think I can tackle 2 chapters as comic—no I was in fact cannot

The moment I laid my eyes on the first paragraph, things were portrayed very vividly in my mind. The panel, the angle, Gojou's head rolling down... I was like, hell yeah. Then I continued reading and I finally succumbed to my desire to draw this out.

At first I want to adapt this into a vertical format like those manhwas. However the longer I try to learn and storyboard it... I am simply not yet comfortable with it, especially for such a big project. Even the 1st storyboard starts vaguely vertical before the panels quickly crammed into that B4-B5 format lol. The first sketch estimated 69 (heh) pages for 90% of chapter 1. I said "no" for my own sanity and fully focused on the usual manga format and it was narrowed down to 60. Still a lot though, quantity and time-wise. So with a heavy heart, I can only do the majority of chapter 1 :”) I really really want to draw Sukuna talks back to Gojou—do you have any idea how good that scene was??? Gojou tried so hard to restrain himself, he’s so other I love him 😭

Due to the sheer length of this comic (I'm still in disbelief), I have limit lots of things, and that includes the drawing. If you've seen my other JJK fanarts, they are more rendered than this one. Well, this one is purely sketched with the help of the eraser to tidy up some lines. This is also the first fanart that I did purely on Photoshop, so I can control the typesets and drawings in one place. Usually, I use Photoshop for panels and typesetting and Krita for drawing.

I don't really like Photoshop's brush, but it did really well in curbing my perfectionist tendencies, so that's good.

It's also been quite a while since I draw in general (sobs) so... yeah, you might find differences, or not ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But I hope you enjoy it nonetheless!

I know setting is important, but maaan I genuinely won't miss rereading chapter 83-93 with a heavy focus on background and character locations. I just want to read the action and dialogue😭 However continuity is really important. But my spatial intelligence is almost non-existent even GPS sometimes can't help me. All I'm saying is that if you find some silly drawing mistakes, do forgive me ∠( ᐛ 」∠)＿I only drew all this in a week because otherwise I won't have another chance to complete this.

Well, lots of things I won't miss from this project, but haha let's talk about the characters instead because holy shit what was I thinking, starting this year drawing this many characters in the same project??? I have never drawn anyone here except for Yuuji, Gojou, Nanami and Megumi. I don't think I've ever drawn older Getou before. I already forgot how to draw my boy Yuuji and I gotta draw all these people???

This is what you call making a bad decision, kids. Don't do your "drawing warmup" after months of not drawing and tackling a project of a scale way bigger than you've ever tackled before.

Thank you for reading this far! I hope you find my complaint entertaining! But make no mistake, I genuinely still love the fic. Drawing this, even with all the headaches it gave me, only makes me adore this fic even more.

Thank you very much to each one of you who follows and leaves comments and tags on my silly art—it never failed to make my day :D And I sincerely wish this one also made your day or even made your minute! I'll see you in the next part!

#yuu's art #jjk-fic-fanart #jjk-ship #五悠 #goyuu #goyu #5u #gojou x yuuji #shibuya arc #shibuya arc canon divergence #lots of characters on this one #kenjaku #chousou #mahito #jogo jjk #gojo satoru

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plutoswrath · 2 years

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ᴀꜱᴛʀᴏ ᴍᴜꜱɪɴɢꜱ 2: ʟɪʟɪᴛʜ - ᴀɴᴄɪᴇɴᴛ, ᴡɪʟᴅ ᴍᴏᴛʜᴇʀ

TW: themes of abuse, power dynamics, sociology, misogyny. Astrology + politics mixed, I'm leftist after all, if that's not your cup of tea, skip this one and save yourself the rage quit lol. Women/femme presenting is an all inclusive term in this post!

So since a long time now I've been very intruiged by Lilith (mean, true, asteroid and waldemarth) but since we're most familiar with osculating Lilith and Black Moon Lilith, I will focus on these two specifically.

Keep in mind that there are multiple stories (even if it's just the tiny details that alter the story) and thus interpretations about Lilith, Lilith is also still very much unexplored in astrology.

But the stories of Lilith all do unite in the themes of demand, oppression, shame, morality, breaking free of limitations, isolation/ostracization, rage and autonomy. It’s about power dynamics, you and your raw self, all the desires and needs in relation to others/society. Lilith is described as dark and hidden because that’s exactly what we are taught to do with Lilith energy: hide it. Lilith is therefore often described as off putting, because nothing can be as uncomfortable as going against all reasoning and what you were told was ‘good’ and instead going by instinct and impulse. Lilith deals a lot with survivial. It can be both, a blessing in disguise or at times, a snake biting it’s own tail.

And before we dive deeper into Lilith, I want to say a few words on the practice of astrology, so you can get familiar with the way I use and practice it too:

Astrology is a tool to research our society/world and self, thus Lilith is a reflection of our societal circumstances and therefore you can't discuss Lilith without getting political and talking about misogyny/oppressive systems.

This does not (!) mean Lilith and its effects are limited to gender by any means, but because gender is a social construct, Lilith and it’s effects are influenced by the way we are socialized and by who we are politically. This is why people constantly find these weird power dynamics between men and women who share strong Lilith synastry in the first place.

Gender as we define it is not inherent in the stars and astrology, but our socialization will direct or at least set off the tone in which way certain astrological facts can develop potentially. This is why - very different to my usual approach - I do in fact want to highlight the performance and construct of gender in this take, because the themes of Lilith represent in the different roles and scripts that exist for men and women in our heteronormative society. It shows in the power dynamic that is created between those who are politically men and women or rather said those who are straying away from the script they we're ought to follow by those who hold more power over them. This is an universal experience that can be experienced by everyone, but I want to say that private and political self intertwine and it’s very much present in the stories of those who have experienced strong Lilith influence in their life. If you want to read further on my reasoning and understand my approach to astrology, you can read it here.

⇨ Sociology and politics aside, let’s get back to Lilith:

Naturally, because there is still a lot of mystery and complexion around Lilith, she is a very hot topic in synastry. But the assumptions of steamy sex and kinky encounters aside, and from what I've seen and studied, right now I'll go so far to say that when we deal with a (perceived) hetero relationship, it can only truly work out if the man involved absolutely sees the woman as an absolute equal and treats her as such. Even if difficulties arise and are set off by Lilith, both need to remain an be seen as an independend being with agency and acknowledge that at all times, no matter the decision. It's a choice both should commit to at the very beginning.

You think this is common sense in partnerships (should be at least) but Lilith has a very unique and personal relationship with ostracization, shame, humiliation, oppression and anger.

I often read that prominent Lilith contacts in synastry (but I'd add composite to that too!) need both partners to be healthy, functional (or at least have an idea of what that should be and look like) and communicate effectively and clearly, be vulnerable and honest. While this is definitely true, any strong Lilith energy in relationships between a woman and a man needs the man to dissect his views and held notions of women, I believe. Not that anyone should dissect and deconstruct what their internalized held beliefs of what gender, and what femme and masculine is, to begin with (duh), but I repeat my previous statement about Lilith’s themes: Lilith ultimately finds itself battling and dealing with power dynamics, because it represents you and your raw self, all the desires and needs in relation to others/society. Lilith is described as dark and hidden because that’s exactly what we are taught to do with Lilith energy: hide it.

The woman in the connection, especially if she is Lilith, will be the woman that will mentally have the man on his knees because her mere existence can challenge his previously believed authority he has on her/women, as well as the way people are wired and set in position in society. We see him questioning the ‘script’ or holding close to it like a dogma. There is (sometimes watered down) anger and resentment a man will channel towards the woman he has Lilith contact with. It can often be thoughts of ‘how dare she’ and ‘I’ll stop her before she even gets the chance to start’. As much as the escapism we search for online think this might turn out in an overly romanticzed femme fatale fantasy, reality often hits us hard when we see dysfunctional relationships unfolding right in front of us.

She will be the announcement of a possible challenge, a test of character, which he'll fail or master. It's a question of morality, for both. Because Lilith here can be the person he always dreamed of, but always has been too afraid to engage with. There is something uttrely objectifying happening when talking about lilith and it's effects, even if you don't want to, it is bound to happen living in the world we are in right now.

And this has all to do with what Lilith stands for. Especially those who have strong Liltih influence in their chart (doesn't matter which Liltih you use) - I'm talking in angular houses, on the angles, in contact to personal planets or to the chart ruler - have undeniably an interesting relationship with and effect on those people who want them to 'follow the scrip' in the way society wants it. And very important (!!): just because someone has strong Lilith influence, doesn't mean that they are in any way better or worse than other women. I want to highlight this because women with Lilith energy will get shit from anyone (!!) who has strong internalized misogyny in them. Think about the way women are raised to compete with each other and follow the script in order to survive and get by in a patriarchal society. Of course someone who's very 'Lilith' will trigger them. Same with men who encounter someone who's very 'Lilith'.

Lilith can join the club of the outsider that you'll find at the metaphorical table that is placed in an imagined highschool's cafeteria: finding her place right next to Scorpio, shaking hands with Uranus, Neptune and Pluto, nodding acknowledging to Cancer, Aquarius and Pisces.

I noticed women who have strong Lilith in their chart have had prominent themes of isolation, autonomy, exclusion and conflict in their life. Either born or forced in positions that has them relying on themselves and their gut instincts a lot (!) and the rest of their charts backed that up too. But whatever is touched by Lilith is bount to become fierce and brutal. Doesn't matter if it's natal, a transit, in composite; Lilith forces you to look within and unleash something inside of you, it works like a catalyst of some sort. Lilith also talks about demands. Think about how she demanded a different treatment, before she left the Garden Eden. Lilith's needs are that strong, that she is willing to face the brutal consequences of it. If anything, Lilith's pursue can be just as brutal (metaphorically, but perhaps phyiscally as well) as her will.

Pop astrology makes Lilith out to be solely about the physical act of intimacy, and sexuality definitely is a theme for Lilith, but not in the way people think it is, I believe.

There is an undeniable generational trauma and influence Lilith has on those who are politically a woman (all inclusive term)/femme presenting.

I will be even bolder in my claims and say that we still view Lilith through the lense society views women that ultimately choose to abandon societal and cultural prestigue and status by choosing themselves no matter what will occure, especially if it also means having to play with those societal expectations or finding their own niche in those roles and scrips they have to follow to get by. And this is not me trying to #girboss Lilith, but rather me saying that our studies still integrate and reproduce held harmful beliefs of women.

Deciding to work with Lilith is deciding to choose yourself because you see beyond the oppression and injustice, no matter what you think that might be in your life or in the life of others. The reactionary nature is most of the times caused by pushing and pulling from those who want her to follow the script. But Lilith often wants to write her own script, or at least edit what people have been given to her.

This is why, for example, women with Lilith in contact with their Juno will be known as partners that are demanding in the eyes of those who want them to act as we expect women to be in relationships. They expect commitment that borders on obedience but these individuals will eventually combust under the pressure. They will find their way to assert their own role, but at the same time they can end up with people that are inherently lilith to them in the best or worst ways. Likewise, we see celebrity men with Lilith Juno contacts that are known to be immoral lovers, not caring if the spotlights are on them or not. The whole world is gonna see, how they want to have commitment and what it requires. (not to say that you are doomed to be a horrible partner just because you have Lilith-Juno contacts, this is just one way it can manifest!)

I believe that at it’s best and it’s very essence, Lilith is not about choosing hate over love, glorifying destruction over peace and community. I truly believe that at it's core and very best, Lilith is ancient and wise, she knows - because she has wisdom that is inherent to her - what is right and wrong for her and she downright rejects the status quo because she can see beyond the limitations and power plays people have put on each other. She is the link to our gut feeling, I believe. And it acts out, whenever something doesn't sit quiet right with us, or something might feel incredibly good (for better or worse). Again, Lilith was ostracized and forced to be alone, she had to be and sit with herself. That doesn't mean Lilith is the ulterior good, but rather the 'what if you would choose to not follow the script - what if you become mindful of your own and listen within yourself.'

She is very much wild and raw and instinctual as mother earth herself is (the sadow of the moon). Remember, after all, she is according to the stories the very first woman. She is following a very deep rooted beat of a drum, a melody, that will always guide her through life, she wants to connect to her own, inherent eco system.

When I research Lilith in astrological texts and read about her, no matter which Lilith it is, it most of the time feels almost like a caricature, oddly enough. If she's not 100% girlbossyfied, she is mostly only seen as the 'evil one' (or at least very constroversial figure). Despite the fact that she indeed can be bad, it's also a role Lilith was pushed to take on too, because after all, there hasn’t been any cooperation with her. So she doesn’t cooperate and rather does her own thing (for better and worse, but as long as it feels good to her, there's probably no one who can stop her). Looking at it from a more psychological and sociological lens, Lilith's story inherently integrates the idea of 'I play the villian you always thought of me as'. Which is in itself an (unfortunate) self-fulfilling and isolating prophecy. It's not inherently a cool, but rather a cruel thing, but she had to work her way around that too, I guess.

Growing up 'Lilith', I do want to talk about the many facettes she has. I don't think that the reduction of Lilith as a mere 'sexual' indication does her justice, even if the sexual part does play a role after all. Picking up the previous point about astrology and sexuality, I wonder how the extreme sexualization and fetishization of anything a woman does plays into the sex-focused interpretations of her (but I think part of the credit has to be given to the way sexuality - especially in women - is also used as a method and commodity).

I also often read about women that are Lilith and feel very wise and mature, being a spiritual teacher to their lovers. I personally agree. I feel the wisdom and knowledge of Lilith can get twisted - either she becomes the 'crazy one' or people take away her agency and personhood and reduce her to the (sexual) magnetism that she possesses by being deeply involved and concerned with her sexual energy (aka creative energy, it's the force we connenct with when we create ANYTHING). Thus, often resulting in her being very much in touch with it.

There’s also the concept of motherhood that I keep thinking about. After all Lilith made sure to revenge her killed children by.....kiling other children? Uhh, don't know really about that move but sure, you show them that was fucked up ig.

Since Lilith is the shadow of the moon, I wonder how much our upbringing, our mother figure and motherhood influence Lilith’s energy.

And of course: the other woman. Lilith came back to the Garden Eden just to find Adam with another chick!!! After she had to leave when she wanted to be treated with basic respect. And yes, she did take revenge on Adam too, but point is that Lilith also deals with betrayal and distrust.

There is so much I could write about Lilith. I feel one can't discuss and learn about lilith without getting sociological, political and a bit psychological as well. After all, she is one of the most complex and intruiging figures out there. Controversial. The dark side of the moon.

#astro musings #astro notes #astrology notes #astro observations #Lilith #black moon lilith #oscalating lilith #bml #bml in synastry #lilith in synastry #lilith in composite #asteroids #composite #astrology #astro community

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yanderecrazysie · 7 months

Note

so i wanted to ask if maybe we could get a 3rd for "change"

(This one part could be skipped since this is basically what i'd imagined happened not long afterwards) since mc obviously doesn't like oikawa and doesn't really anything to do with him then maybe she could try (emphasis on try) and distance herself to give herself some time to breathe, but then he ends up going to her place every morning/night to either pick her up or drop her off. So their usually stuck together most days if not everyday. Anyways i imagined that's how it must be going for her, but imma get to the main point now.

So i was wondering that while at a cafe or something, like a "date" that oikawa planned for them after practice she ends up meeting another guy while oinkawa was grabbing their drinks and they talked for a bit. One thing led to another and their now friends (with or without oikawa knowing.) They end up having a genuine relationship with each other overtime and mc develops a small crush on him, oikawa finds out and obviously he wouldn't like that. The rest is up to you, i don't think he'd kidnap her but would probably still do something pretty drastic.

Can you make something like this happen please °^°

I can make that happen and I will :3

Title: Change (Part 3)

Pairings: Oikawa Tooru x Reader

WARNINGS: Yandere themes, swearing, violence

Summary: After returning to the way you’d always been, Oikawa’s become nothing short of a nightmare.

Part 1: here

change

/verb/

make (someone or something) different; alter or modify:

Oikawa never thought he’d have to compete with anyone, much less the guy he was seeing. He was a two out of ten, whereas Oikawa was a ten through and through.

Messy brown hair, thick glasses, a face riddled with acne… The guy gave a toothy smile, revealing braces. And, worse, you gave him a smile back.

Oikawa hadn’t seen you smile in two or three months now. Believe him, he’d tried. His jokes left you blank-faced, his cuddling left you tearful (maybe physical touch wasn’t your love language) and his gentle affections made you shrink away or flinch.

For a minute, Oikawa stood there dumbfounded, holding a coffee in each hand, silently admiring your smile, even if it wasn’t for him. The next minute, he was at your side, standing between you and the boy that dared to talk to you.

“Sweetheart,” Oikawa put every ounce of affection he had into the word and sent a threatening look towards the nerdy-looking male, “Who is this?”

“His name is Hikaru,” you said. You stood up and gave your “boyfriend” a challenging look, “We were just talking.”

Oikawa shoved down the green-eyed monster rearing its ugly head and offered the stranger a friendly smile, “I see you’ve met my girlfriend.”

“We aren’t dating,” you snapped. You were talking more now than you had talked in months, and this was what you were saying? How disappointing… No, insulting.

“My princess likes to joke,” Oikawa said, letting out a carefree chuckle, “Now…” He turned his face so only the two-out-of-ten could see. His smile morphed into a sneer and his eyes narrowed, dark with anger.

“Goodbye.”

Hikaru held Oikawa’s stare for a few seconds before crumbling. “I’ll see you later, (Y/n).”

“See you later,” you said softly, disappointment lacing your tone.

Oikawa frowned deeply at that disappointment. You never sounded disappointed when he left. You were always so relieved…

He pushed your coffee closer to you as he took a seat at your shared table, “It’s just how you like it.”

“How do you know how I like my coffee?” you asked, looking up at him with suspicion.

Oikawa ignored your question, “I don’t like when you talk to other boys.”

“And I don’t give a fuck what you think,” you snapped.

It’s her time of month, Oikawa decided. Usually you were much meeker. Now, even your glasses flashed with anger. He reached out to play with your messy hair and you swatted his hand away. So feisty. This was a new side of you and hell if he wasn’t enjoying it.

His eyes gleamed with excitement. High off the adrenaline of scaring away a potential rival, he reached out and grabbed your hand. When you pulled away, he tightened his grip.

He laced his fingers with yours, smiling softly when he compared how much smaller your hands were than his. You were his. Not Hikaru’s. In time, you would come to understand that.

—---------------------------------

Your mother had fallen for Oikawa’s charms, always saying things like “you don’t have to be embarrassed that you’re dating” whenever you denied him being your boyfriend.

So, when Saturday rolled around, and he appeared at your door, knocking on it like he always did, he wasn’t surprised by your mother opening it with a smile.

“Did she forget something?” your mother asked.

Oikawa furrowed his eyebrows in confusion, “What do you mean?”

“I thought she was out with you,” your mother said, equally confused.

Oikawa’s heart sank. If you were out of the house, either you left alone to avoid him or the worst case scenario was unfolding. The possibility that you were out with…

No. There was no way. He had scared that little nerd away, intimidated the shit out of him.

Despite his thoughts, he had already broken into a run. You could be anywhere, sure, but Oikawa knew where you would be. With your new “attitude”, you’d be exactly where he looked first.

He burst into the cafe so violently that people stared. His eyes zeroed in on the couple at a table near the back. Your pretty, bespectacled face looked up at him with a knowing smile. Oikawa doesn’t need to be a genius to guess who the messy-haired boy sitting across from you was.

He walked back out the door, seething. He needed to get rid of this pest and teach you a little lesson about hanging out with other men.

—--------------------

“Oikawa, STOP!” you screamed.

Oikawa had gone temporarily deaf, his knuckles bruised and reddened with blood. He continued to slam his fists into Hikaru’s face.

Hikaru was unconscious at this point, which was probably a blessing. That way, he couldn’t feel his nose breaking with a loud SNAP.

You threw yourself on Oikawa, trying to wrestle him away from the poor boy, but he shrugged you off like you were a pesky mosquito. Tears ran down your cheeks as you begged him to stop caving in your friend’s face.

“Tell me you made a mistake or I’ll kill him,” Oikawa stared down at you with a terrifyingly blank expression, cheeks speckled with blood and forehead soaked in sweat.

You stared back, speechless, and he raised his voice, “Tell me you made a mistake!”

You opened your mouth but nothing came out.

“DO IT FUCKING NOW!”

“I’m sorry, I made a mistake, please stop hurting him!” you wailed.

Oikawa took a step towards you, “Tell me you’ll never talk to another boy again.”

“I’ll never do it again, I swear!”

“Do what?”

“Talk to another boy! Just please don’t kill him!”

Oikawa looked disdainfully at the boy and his bloodied, broken face.

“I’m glad we’re in agreement!” he said with a bright smile, eyes betraying the darkness within him.

#yandere #yandere x reader #yandere one shot #yandere haikyuu #haikyuu!!#one shot #yandere oikawa #oikawa tooru

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gomzdrawfr · 6 months

Text

Everything but you

another fic for PriceRaven, BUT this is an art + fic combo fic :3 I'll do a separate post for just the art (or you can check out this clip i posted on twt), so for now, enjoy this mess

this fic is within PriceRaven's cannon timeline, somewhere after MW3 and during fishy arc

tags:

angst and fluff, hurt/comfort, slow burn, canon-typical violence and behavior, character study (done poorly), grief, major character death (MCD), mention of MW3 content, author trying to be poetic but most likely just messing up the narrative flow, miscommunication, happy ending

author's note:

word count: 6,048 (the back part is not proof read)

the italics are internal thoughts or third perspective thoughts

━━━━━━❆━━━━━━━ [this divider represent a time skip]

Raven knew the possibility of Price having to leave for a period of time, and was fully aware of the escalation of things when the news of Makarov started popping up.

“To update you on the breaking news of a Russian passenger jet that crashed…”

“A hundred and thirty-three passengers and nine crew members were on board the flight…”

“Descending very rapidly…..unexplained descent…..”

“Kastovia flight 761 bound for sochi…”

“...just hours after a missile attack on Arklove Military Base…..looks to be a terrorist attack”

They both knew then, that this would be the beginning of a long separation.

A quick goodbye, a hug and a kiss.

A swift departure, leaving Raven to tend to their home with their two lovely cats, their girls, after the shit show that went down between Cobra and Vik.

━━━━━━❆━━━━━━━

Months later, Price would return a changed man, sprawled on the front door and drenched by the rain, clutching onto Raven for dear life as he shakes.

She’d never seen this man in this state; never seen Price that would openly show his distress to this level.

She could deduce that the operations most likely did not go well, and something terrible must’ve happened.

The guess confirms itself in the form of a watch.

Soap’s watch. Resting on his desk.

And later, a conversation.

“We’ll have to abandon everything”

“The house, the plants, the cars-”

“The girls…”

There was a sense of urgency in his tone, its timbre deepened and solemn since his return. A frown etched between his brows, accompanied by an increased consumption of cigars and even cigarettes.

━━━━━━❆━━━━━━━

“I tied one of many loose ends”

He murmured into her skin in the quiet of night where the world is asleep. Price returned hours ago, dressed in a dark overcoat and a beanie, with a handgun beneath his shirt.

“Did you now?”

Shepherd huh.

She whispered back, feeling his chin resting on her shoulder, his beard tickling her skin slightly, properly nestled in his arms, but there weren't the usual giggles and laughter that surrounded the two.

No, this was their last night on this bed, on this home.

Their last night in the comforts of their safe haven.

“Mm” He mumbled back, palms covering her arms as he hugged her closer, spooning her in his arms.

Nervous that somehow, she’ll slip away, taken away from his grasp.

“....” “Tell me, Pricey” She brushed his knuckles, easing his tension.

“Will you follow me still, Raven….? Even if we have to leave…” he trails off, leaving things unsaid.

She understood fully the gravity of the question. Even if we have to leave away our hopes and dreams, dreams of settling down, growing old peacefully, dreams of comfort and promises of the future.

“Where would I go if not with you, John?”

“...I don’t know, Singapore?”

“...and what does Singapore have to offer again?”

“Really good seafood”

“So you’re assuming I’ll pick seafood over you?”

“Well, I was hoping you don’t”

A small chuckle escapes her, which made him smile in return, some of the pressure and uneasiness dispersed from this exchange.

“I won’t leave you” She whispered back, holding his hand up to kiss his fingers. Bittersweet murmurs exchanged throughout the night that comforted the two. “Alright then, Eira”

━━━━━━❆━━━━━━━

It was exhilarating and intense for Raven to get back on the field with Price, joined as an ally to provide much-needed support in the mess and development following the escape of Makarov from the Trojan Horse mission.

But they have to admit it was exhausting having to move constantly without a proper place to settle down.

Physically and mentally.

Which explains why they’re here now, on this island that Raven can only assume that it's a personal island owned by Price.

“You telling me you own this place?!”

“Ah well, I wouldn’t say “own”, birdie…”

She still doesn’t fully comprehend what he meant by that.

It was a much needed break, being surrounded by the ocean and forest, exploring the places, catching fishes and crabs.

Price hasn’t seen Raven smiled this much in a long time.

Raven witnessed a side of Price she had longed to see: relaxed, carefree, and at peace. Yet, beneath his newfound calmness, she sensed something off about Price that hinted at a deeper turmoil within him.

There were moments when he'd gaze into the distance, lost in thought, thinking.

Pondering.

This was, unfortunately, one of the many truths Raven had come to understand about Price.

More often or not that contemplative look of his means he is plotting or thinking ahead of things, which inherently, is not a bad thing.

It only became problematic when he kept these plans from her, setting things in motion without her knowledge.

Because that’s what Price does.

Plan, execute, reflect, repeat.

The other negative trait from this, is that it always means there is something he was harboring within that was threatening to break apart. Troubles he would rather deal with alone.

Things that slowly etched eats him out bit by bit on the inside.

Now, Price was a man of many many thoughts, meticulously organized into mental compartments, sealed, and cast into the abyss of the unknown.

A man who had no room for lingering emotions: guilt, anger, sadness – anything that could hinder his motives, his plans, his every step.

A man that is calm, quiet, composed and in control, with a constant battle inside he can never say or show.

Behind his eyes, Raven saw it all.

The ocean behind those eyes of his are no longer violent and roaring, similar to when they had to toss their belongings into a pool of fire after that last night in their home.

Freedom tastes like ash and anger after all.

His eyes are now shrouded in darkness, like the deep blue sea.

Suffering and screams muffled in silence.

Drowning.

━━━━━━❆━━━━━━━

“Up for a ride, birdie?”

“Sure”

It wasn’t uncommon for them to venture into the sea at night, they would drive out in their trusty lil boat (named Cash ‘n’ Fly) far enough until the horizon stretched endlessly, with a seamless line between the sea and the starry sky.

It creates an illusion of infinite space and solitude.

A small escape from everything.

What set this trip apart was the cigar hanging loosely between Price’s lips.

She counted the amount of cigar he used daily, and it was reduced to one or two per day during their break.

So to see him light it up, the fourth one of the day, right now, especially when it's dark and quiet, it could only mean one thing.

“You know…Eira”

And so it begins.

Everything but you.

She had anticipated this conversation, in some form or another.

She didn’t know it would be…this.

Leaving me with the island? I’ll have everything?

And I am supposed to be content with this?

Price was a hardened soldier, a veteran.

A seasoned Captain that has done enough chaos and has enough body piles up below him more than he could handle.

Battles stitched across his skin and back, hands coated in blood and regrets that clung onto his soul.

Far from a savior, close to a sinner.

Hands that were better suited for violence, instead of softness.

It should’ve been just another one of those moments, where he’d tell off some of his men, his soldiers, people who depended on him, boys and girls alike, to leave, to never come back.

To leave him.

So why is it so different when it comes to…the person before him now?

Why does this ache so differently?

What Price has in mind, doesn’t quite align with what John wants.

Needs.

John craves for the simplicity of being loved. Yearns for warmth and understanding, desperate for someone to look into his eyes and see the real him.

John thinks about Eira, thinks about her, her hands, her voice, and he wants more, more and more, a beast that is never satisfied, that can never get enough.

John wants to drown in love. In her.

Price fears that John loves more than he is ever allowed to.

Price wants what is right.

It’s for the best.

The one sentence that helps justify everything, doesn’t it?

“....”

Price watches as she stood up abruptly after a long uncomfortable silence, seeing her approaching the bow of the boat-

“Raven?--”

A loud splash was heard, and his body moved before he could process anything.

“What the bloody hell are you doing?! Have you lost your mind?? RAVEN??”

Raven, out of all the possible reactions he has anticipated, does none of what he expected and dives into the black sea.

“I'm going back to land!” She yells back with a strain, huffing as she proceeds to swim to the general direction of where the shore was.

“That’s way too far!! You’ll freeze your arse before you could even reach it!!” “GOOD, I’VE ALWAYS WANTED TO DIE IN THE OCEAN ANYWAYS”

“EIRA!!”

God dammit.

He quickly drove the boat, starting up the engine to propel the boat towards her, careful not to hit her as he quickly pulled her aboard.

“What–what are you trying to achieve by doing something stupid like this?”

“Nothing productive”

“Ei-”

He stops mid-sentence, seeing her freezing and trembling form, sea water coating her entire form as she shakes like a leaf on the wood.

For a split second, he wanted to ask if she cried, when he saw the red corners from her eyes.

Instead, he took off his jacket and outer shirt to wrap it around her.

The ride home was nothing but silence.

━━━━━━❆━━━━━━━

A letter and a necklace, that should be all.

Price thought to himself as he placed the necessary items on the table outside their room, with a heavy bag on his left as his thumb lingered on the necklace.

An owl head marble piece hangs at the end of it, an item he found comfort in whenever they were separated.

Not like it would be…of any use now.

He brushed it one last time, before heading out, leaving Raven behind.

At least, that’s what he intended to do, to leave behind the one person he had willingly, and stubbornly let into his life.

And now, he’s walking away like a mad man.

He sees Nik’s heli in the far distance, the sight both a relieving but solemn reminder of what is about to happen.

Usually, he wouldn’t think.

Just walk, it’s right there.

Yet, he stays rooted in the sand, as if waiting for a miracle.

“Is that it?!” A shout made him flinch slightly, turning around only to be completely knocked down into the sandy beach.

“You think you can throw me aside like a doll, a birdie with songs you’ve grown bored of, is it?”

“Wha-”

A loud clean slap, with the sting now buzzing on his left cheek as his eyes widened.

“You– you don’t get to decide what’s right for me”

“Listen here you– prick! Old geezer whatever the fuck you are right now-”

“You only get to choose me once, you either live with me forever, or we live our lives apart”

“Can you live your life without me?”

“Eira–”

“Don’t you dare say anything other than to answer my questions”

A long uncomfortable silence stretched between them, as Raven stayed straddling his chest as he lay against the sand that felt like it was burying him up.

It wasn’t when he felt the warm drops of tears on his cheek that his eyes truly met her.

“....do I mean nothing to you? Am i…just another pawn for you in the grand scheme of things? That could be abandoned once you’re done?”

“What happened to staying together through thick and thin? What about the vows you exchanged when you put this ring on my finger?”

More tears streamed down her face, hands shakily but tightly gripping his collar

“Answer me, coward”

That finally broke Price out of the trance as he quickly reached up to cup her face, brushing away the droplets of pain and sorrow that dampened her delicate face.

“I have to go…” “Why…? Just…just why?” “I wrote everything in the letter-” “I don’t care about the damn letter…tell me straight in the face”

“I can’t-” “John, please”

“I CAN’T LOSE ANOTHER ONE–”

Now it was Raven’s time to pause, a frown that formed for a split second before it softened.

“....” She sighs, letting go of his collar as she cradled his cheeks.

“....you know you won’t” “That’s what I said to him too…you know”

“....it wasn’t your fault”

“sunshine…I called him sunshine…Eira….I-”

“You didn’t know”

“I should’ve…”

His eyes glistened as vision blurred, the months of unshed grief escaping, cascading down to the sand.

Price never got to grieve, it swirls inside, a little bit like a black hole, like infinity.

A small part of him is lost with every soldier and civilian he loses.

And Soap took a big chunk of him, a good part perhaps, one of his– kinder shards.

Another, is stuck frozen in the moment, in the tunnel. No goodbye, just an absence, sudden, abrupt end, a gunshot louder than any screams that ensues.

Price tends to get rid of grief, one way or another, because it reminds him of his mistake, because it feels like he is holding onto a lost cause.

But here’s the thing about loss, grief is hanging onto love.

It is why it is always felt at all times.

Even on days where he thought he’d healed, while other days it was like old wounds opening up deeper than before.

There was not a day where he wouldn’t miss his favorite Scottish gremlin.

And if his absence was strong enough that it makes it hard to breathe, he could only imagine what it would be like if Eira’s gone as well.

“I can’t lose you”

There is no more desperate creature, than a human being on the verge of losing love.

She sighs, leaning down as she lays down next to him on the sand ungraciously, staring up the sky with him

“....leaving me alone here on this island doesn’t guarantee my safety either, you know that right?”

“I have my people watching you here…” “And a tsunami could come and drown us all”

“Well if that happens I would know-” “No, no you won’t”

She can tell he was about to argue as she shushes him gently, turning to face him, uncaring for the sharp sandy stones that scratched into her ear.

“You can’t always take the blame for things out of your control”

She murmured, holding his palm

“...and you can’t let your worry cloud your conscious and…do something stupid like this”

“Don’t push me away, when you’ve already made a place in my heart that will never be replaceable by anyone.”

“....you think this was dumber than you jumping into the ocean?”

“Absolutely” He chuckles lightly, raising a brow as he smiles.

“I don’t want to be…your regret, John” She whispered, voice breaking a little

“Even if we were not meant to be together…we’ve proved that idea wrong, time and time again…”

He shifted, sitting up slightly as he pulls her onto his lap, hands brushing away the sand on her hair slightly (failing, sands are stubborn lil shits) as he lets out a quiet sigh

“I dream of a time where…the universe was never wrong to begin with, and you’re mine to keep…forever”

“Well you ought to pick a better dream” She smiles, leaning up as she landed a small kiss on his nose

“This dream is already true, because Im yours forever, and ever”

“You are stuck with me, whether you like it or not”

“I suppose I am, aren't I…” “Absolutely…” He smiles, and hugged her tightly, everything about this felt neither wrong or right.

It felt like home.

“Now, are you going to continue mopping around in the sand or will Nik start throwing a tantrum when we get there? Last time he did he defied physics..."

“Im sure man’s busy with the coconuts and alcohol over there, plus we need to get your stuff–”

“It’s in your bag”

“my–what?”

He unzips the cover, and realize that somehow Eira’s sneaked her belongings inside

“No wonder it got heavier…” “Im telling you, you’re an idiot” He laughs slightly, ruffling her hair as they stood up, pulling her closer by the ends of her shirt as he kissed her forehead.

“Yes…but I’m your idiot…”

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krislin · 6 months

Text

Monster Sides

A Sanders Sides Monster AU fic

Summary:

In a dark forest, some distance away from the capital, but right outside a small village, lived six individuals.

These six were seen as cursed, as monsters.

But those in the forest saw them as a part of nature, maybe even guardians.

These six were a close family, living together and helping each other.

Word Count: 4590

The land of the large kingdom was extraordinary. The meadows were a beautiful green, the skies a bright blue, and the weather was usually at its best. Gentle winds blew over. The grass and leaves dancing softly alongside it. The forests around in the kingdom were a significant source of materials for the city, towns, and villages. All from herbs, to food, and to wood could be gathered in these gatherings of flora.

But there was one forest in the kingdom that none dared to even approach.

Next to a small village, a fair distance away from the capital of the kingdom, was a large, gloomy forest. Objectively, one would say it looked no different from any other forests in the territory of the kingdom, but for the people, it was a cursed and dangerous place.

After centuries of living next to that forest, people had come to learn to never step inside, or even close to it. It didn't even take long after the village was first established that they found out something dangerous resided in the darkness between the large, old trees.

Or not just something.

Deep in the forest stood a large and old, almost run-down, mansion. But no human lived inside.

Or preferably said, no full human.

All the creatures belonging to the forest knew who they were, and what they were. But they all lived in harmony.

Because in the mansion lived six men. All hybrids that made them only half human.

Many would see them as monsters, but the fauna saw them as much of a part of nature as themselves. Maybe even more. The nature of the forest would sometimes even call them the guardians of their home.

Outside the mansion laid a small lake. Next to the lake was one of the six. The man had bright brown hair and round gray glasses on his face. As a silhouette, he would have the appearance of a normal human, but in the light, one would immediately take their words back. His skin was a slight shade of green, and clearly looking moist. The man smiled brightly as he skipped alongside the lake side. His leaps were longer and higher than possible for the normal human.

Because this is Patton. The frog hybrid of the mansion.

Patton continued to hum and skip his way back towards the mansion. His beams were as bright as he was known for every time he saw an animal or a pretty plant close by. Even if he knew their domain well, it always made his day to see the forest in such a pretty state.

The sound of a hysterical cackle came from the trees next to him, but it didn't alert the man. Patton only smiled widely as he stopped to turn in the direction. "Remus! Back already?" he beamed as he waved towards the rustling bushes closing in.

Through the bushes stretched a dark green tentacles, placing itself on the ground to drag its core forwards. "Heya, Croakie!" the man, Remus, grinned when through the plants. The man had the upper body of a human with dark brown hair with a silver highlight on his bangs. But his lower body was of just dark green tentacles with black dots on the top.

This is Remus. The octopus hybrid of the mansion.

"You should have seen those brats!" Remus told, laughing hysterically as he dragged his tentacles to approach the other. "They had the audacity to make a dare to approach our territory! But that just made the day so much better!" he laughed, as he held his right arm to the side. He held his hand open, and suddenly green sparkles sparkled over his palm, and his morning star fell into his hold. "It's been far too long since I got to play with the humans!"

"Now, now, kiddo. I know they're humans, but don't be too harsh on them. Especially if they were kids," Patton softly scolded the other. But even with his hands on his hips, there was still a slight amused smile on his face. Patton may ever be the optimist, friendly, and peaceful one, but even he had the disliking to the human species.

Snickers filled the air around them as Remus explained the humorous scene to Patton. They had never hurt any humans, unless necessary. They only wanted the selfish species to stay away from their territory and those residing in it; them, the animals, and all the plants.

The sound of wing beats reached them through the silent air, making the two turn to see the third of the six flying in for a landing. Patton beamed seeing the man, jumping high in joy as he landed. "Logan!" he beamed, leaping to immediately stand next to him. "Everyone's back early! This is great!"

This one is Logan. The owl hybrid of the mansion.

"Indeed," Logan answered, a tiny smile of joy visible. He tucked his dark brown feathered wings into his back, then turned to the octopus hybrid. "It would seem your scare has given us the boost for a peaceful day today."

"Of course!" Remus beamed at the praise hidden behind the sentence. A hand was proudly placed to his chest, his weapon disappearing with a green light. "But as much as I wished to play with them more, Hoarder and I have something to finish."

Logan's black hair blew to the passing wind as he narrowed his eyes at the other. "If this is that creation competition you are talking about, I do hope you tend to mend what you break and make sure he doesn't hoard more than he already has."

"Hey!" an offended yell came from the mansion. They all turned, and they all saw a man with red hair and red dragon wings and tail come flying over. "I am only keeping the necessary things in life in our home. Thank you very much!" The man landed down by the group, but he was mostly throwing Remus a glare, which earned a grin back.

This man is Roman. The dragon hybrid of the mansion.

A deep sigh left Logan, and Roman turned to the owl hybrid to see the man shaking his head. "The pile of unnecessary equipment and object in your hoarding room says otherwise, I believe." Logan turned his eyes to look at the dragon hybrid through his black glasses. The talons of his hand were raised to adjust the glasses properly back on his nose again. "But as long as it doesn't pile up outside that room, do as you please."

"Great!" Roman beamed, but shook his head and coughed into his fist of clawed hand. "I mean-. Like it will ever overfill. There's so much room left inside! I can still fly inside, you know!"

"Now, now, do not lie," another man's voice came from behind, a slight hiss in his speech. Everyone turned around to see a man with a bright yellow snake lower body slithering towards them from the mansion. The man's snake tongue flicked out, but looking rather amused as he slithered closer. The left side of his face had greenish-yellow scales which almost gleamed in the light, and on top of his brown hair laid a black fedora with a yellow ribbon around the base. "You know lying to us won't do."

This is Janus. The snake hybrid of the mansion.

Roman rolled his eyes at the fifth man of the group as he stopped by them. "Yeah, yeah, whatever, Slithering Scales," the man scoffed out, but gave out a small smile as he nudged the yellow snake hybrid with his elbow. But a small scoff them came from him, and his red eyes glanced between Janus and Patton. "But you two alright to be out? Winter's approaching, you know."

"Ever the overprotective hoarder you are," Janus commented as he rolled his eyes, but gave a small smile as he shook his head. "We are fine. The season is yet to properly begin. We cold-bloods have survived multiple winter already, you know."

"Yeah!" Patton beamed, leaping around them all. "Your fire and my strange, dark son's clothes and blankets really help!"

Roman gave out a pleased smile at the response, but he did give out a pout at Janus's comment. As part dragon, of course he would be protective of his hoard. And his main, and most precious, treasure he had in said hoard was his family. "Great to hear, Padre," he smiled at Patton, but turned to glance back at the mansion. "Speaking of him, where is he?"

"He was resting in his web the last time I saw him," Janus shrugged as he answered the other. "I had him rest after creating a bit too much silk for his crocheting and knitting later. He doesn't eat enough for the silk production he's doing."

"My poor kiddo!" Patton immediately spoke out in horror and concern. The man made a giant leap towards the mansion, but the sound of skittering had him stop.

Everyone glanced up the walls of the mansion. And out one of the top windows, something came out. "Hey, Snake Face, I have control of my own health, you know," the last of those calling the mansion their home said. The man had black hair and a black hoodie on, but his lower body was of a large spider body. Though his upper body wasn't fully human. The man had eight eyes, six fully purple and the last two human brown, and on each side of his mouth he had the fangs of a spider, which moved slightly as he spoke. And his lower body, his spider body, was large enough for someone to actually sit on his back, but mostly having to curl into themselves to not get hit by the eight legs as the man crawled around.

This is Virgil. The spider hybrid of the mansion.

Virgil crawled down the wall of the mansion, his spider legs letting him walk on any surface without troubles. He crawled down to step down on the grass, his arms crossed in front of his chest as he glared at the snake hybrid. "And for your information, I had just stopped when you slithered in. I was just about to start crocheting, but you just had to barge in."

"Whatever you say, Spiderling," Janus responded, rolling his eyes, but throwing him a smile. "Just make sure to rest. You work too much when winter approaches. You're cold-blooded as well, so you need your rest, especially with the stress of the season."

A scoff left the spider hybrid, but he shook his head and let his arms fall down, his black clawed fingers having a few short silk threads dangling down and dancing to the breeze. "I'm the one making clothes and blankets, you know. So for now, I'm the warmest cold-blooded here."

The chirp of birds came as two magpies came flying down, landing on the back of the spider hybrid. The birds chirped happily up at them all, and they all smiled and greeted back with a nod. Virgil gave the two a smile, and he moved his hands into the pockets of his hoodie. Getting something out of the pocket, Virgil got out a small crochet blanket of his silk, handing it over to the two small birds.

"Here you go," Virgil spoke, smiling as he handed the birds the small blanket. "Stay safe and warm in your nest now. The cold's approaching soon." The magpies gave him joyful and thankful chirps, and the two grabbed the silk blanket and flew off into the forest. Virgil smiled as he watched them fly off, but turned to glance at the others again, also taking notice of the skies above turning dark. "Well, evening's coming, so I better get to my route while handing out what I got."

"Alright, stay safe, kiddo!" Patton beamed at the other, beaming brightly as Virgil went to crawl past them. "Let us know if you need anything, alright?"

"Of course, Popstar," Virgil responded, giving a salute over his shoulder as he headed for the trees behind. Suddenly the man stopped and turned around to face them again. "Oh, and I repaired all the stuff with holes in them," he informed them all, earning beams of delight in return. "That includes the plushies. They're all on my web, so get them whenever."

Cheers erupted from Patton, Remus, and Roman, while Janus and Logan smiled with a nod of appreciation. "You're awesome, Virge!" Roman beamed, eyes visibly sparkling with joy before he spun around to bolt into the mansion to fetch what Virgil had repaired for him.

Patton was not far behind the flying dragon, Remus quick to follow as well. Janus and Logan was left, chuckling alongside Virgil as they watched the others charge in with such energy. "Thank you, Virgil. It is much appreciated," Logan said with a smile at the spider. "But stay safe out. Remus most definitely has scared the humans away for today, but one never know when it comes to that species."

"Yes, yes, I know," Virgil answered, rolling his eyes. "No need to say that every time. I can take care of myself. My poison is paralyzing for a reason."

"Yes, Remus had you show so too many times," Janus agreed, snorting at the memories of the octopus hybrid constantly having Virgil paralyze some of his detached tentacles after regenerating new ones for fun. "Just make sure you don't freeze. The colder you get, the slower you get. And that means the longer in the cold you will be."

Virgil huffed in response, but gave no other answer as he turned to leave the place. Janus and Logan watched as the spider left into the forest, and the two turned to head into the mansion themselves.

*************

Virgil silently hummed to himself as he crawled between trees and bushes. Each step his eight legs took made a tiny sound in the grass and leaves, and with the speed of his steps, his crawling always sounded like skittering. And many in the forest recognized that skittering.

Birds, squirrels, deer, and all the animals of the forest would glance up and approach him during his routes through their home. Virgil greeted them all with a small smile, and many animals came either leaping, running, or flying over. The day was turning dark, a time where most would go to lie down for the day, but seeing the hybrid being close, they'd always come over to greet him.

"Hey, guys," Virgil softly greeted. All the animals joyfully greeted back, and a soft chuckle left the hybrid as bunnies, squirrels, and birds came to rest on his spider back. "Hope you're all doing well. But since winter is approaching, I came to give you all new blankets."

The spider put his hands into his pocket, and out came a roll of blankets of his silk. All of the animals grew visibly joyful, and Virgil smiled, pleased to see them like it. He handed out blankets, one by one to the animals around him. All the deer got the larger blankets over them, the birds got the smallest to carry to their nests, and the squirrels and bunnies got the perfect size for them, or larger ones if Virgil knew they had a family. All the other animals with them got their blankets as well, and Virgil was happy as to how tight he rolled the blankets, seeing that it was good that he brought as many as he could.

Virgil lifted the last blanket in his hold to hand to another pair of birds, but the sudden harsh gust of a wind had it fly out of their hold. The birds chirped in dismay as the silk was blown away from them, and they watched it quickly disappear into the darkness with a distressed look.

"Oh, crap..." the spider muttered, seeing the blanket fly between all the trees and much farther away through his night vision. "That was my last one too..." The birds' chirps was low and short, both lowering down to the ground in sadness. "Hey, hey, it's alright," Virgil assured them, gently holding down his hands to them. Both birds glanced up at him, but jumped onto his palms for him to lift them up. Virgil held them up and guided them to his left front leg, letting them jump on to rest right by him. "Don't worry, I can quickly make a new one. It's all fine."

Questioning chirps came from the two, and Virgil gave a soft chuckle as he shook his head. He quickly reassured them once again, and he raised a clawed finger to his mouth and stretched out multiple silk threads, enough to make a thick enough thread to use.

"Won't take long. Don't worry," Virgil mumbled as he moved the thread to his left pointy finger, using his right one to drag out more silk from his mouth. Unlike normal spiders, Virgil created silk from his mouth, usually using his fangs to hold the thread still as he used his clawed fingers to crochet, knitt, or sew with. And his clawed fingers were able to make a small hook at the tip, which was what made him able to crochet, but for knitting and sewing, and outside all that, he usually kept his claws straight and pointy.

Virgil laid on the ground as he started. His legs, except the one the birds sat on, halfway tucked under his body to lie comfortably. Most of the animals had left to sleep for the approaching night, but some continued to stay around the spider, curled in their blanket as they peacefully watched the hybrid crochet another of his blankets.

The birds happily chirped as they watched him masterfully create their blanket, and Virgil smiled as he glanced to the side at them.

Unusual gusts of winds came to their hearing, and they glanced up at the dark night sky to see something red come flying over them. "Ah, there you are, Spider Nightful!" Roman was to speak as he beamed seeing them under him. The dragon flapped his wings to slowly lower down to the ground, careful of the trees' branches. But as he landed his feet down on the ground, he raised an eyebrow at the glare Virgil was throwing at him. "What?"

"Mind your wings, Flame Head. I'm crocheting here, and your gusts are not helping," Virgil scoffed, but returned to his crocheting, being close to finishing the small silk blanket for the two waiting birds.

"And why are you out here, working more in the middle of the cold night after not having had your meal after your last production?" Roman challenged the other, a protective glare thrown at him through narrowed eyes. "I am certain you have not eaten anything protein filled since you left. You know you'll grow weak if you're lacking that, Virgil! You can't go producing more silk without refilling yourself!"

Another scoff left the spider, and he finished off his blanket as he sent the other a glare. "Geez, never took you to be one to sound like Logan," he commented, but averted his gaze to give the blanket to the thankful birds. The birds gave thankful chirps and took off with their new blanket, and Virgil gave them a small smile before turning it into a sigh as he turned back to the dragon. "Why are you here anyway? Aren't you supposed to stay in the mansion to keep up the fire for the others?"

"Logan can hold the fire up long enough until I return," Roman answered with a shrug, but stepped forwards to give Virgil a push in the direction of their home. "You're much later than normal, and you need my fire just as much as them! So off we go now, Night Crawl!"

"Alright, alright, Ro! Geez!" Virgil yelled, but sighed as he shook his head. "I know you're a hoarder, but keep it down, could you? You know I can defend myself if something would suddenly come."

"Whatever you say, V," was all Roman responded before grabbing the spider's wrist to drag him along with him. Virgil groaned as he was dragged by Roman, who power-walked through the forest. The dragon hybrid was dedicated on bringing the spider with him back home before the air grew too cold for the cold-blooded. Roman threw the other a glare after hearing the annoyed groan. "You have no right to do that, Emo Nightmare. Only one hoodie isn't good enough! You don't even have any of your blankets on you! What you have on isn't enough to keep you warm, and you know that!" Roman scolded, only receiving an annoyed deadpan in return, which he ignored as he faced forward again, all out on getting home. "This is why you need my fire!"

A snort came from the other, but he didn't speak out. He knew Roman was in his protective hoarder mode because of his longer than usual absence. And because of that, he knew it was futile to fight against it. He never fought against it, only showing his annoyance or teasing the other, whichever fit the situation best.

It wasn't long until they came to the treeline ending by their mansion. Stepping through the last bushes, they appeared in the back garden of their home. Faint light danced on the grass during the darkness of the night, so Roman strode towards the back door, still dragging the spider with him.

Roman swung the old wooden door open, stepping into the indoor light with Virgil right behind. The moment they stepped inside, Virgil felt the change in temperature, and a silent sigh of relief left him. The spider's shoulders slumped down at the warmth, not having to force an appearance anymore.

"Come," Roman spoke with a stern voice, but stepping through the room and towards the living room right by. Another sigh left Virgil, but the spider crawled after to follow into the warmer room.

Huddled together in some type of pile were the others. Janus and Patton laid in the middle, Remus using his tentacles to keep the large blanket over them in place, and Logan standing by the fire in the fireplace. Hearing the two return home, Patton beamed brightly, almost jumping out of his spot as he waved them over.

Roman smiled at the frog hybrid, but turned to give Virgil a brief nod to then take Logan's place by the fire. Logan gave the dragon a nod, and he stepped to join the pile of hybrids to help keep the warmth for the cold-blooded ones.

Virgil soon came to crawl over, and Remus lifted some of his tentacles, a part of the blanket while at it, so the spider could join in the middle, the spot for the cold ones. When tucking in his legs and lying down, Janus wrapped his long tail around him, but placing an arm on his back as support. With Virgil's body being a lot different, his back basically going ninety degree up from his spider body, he always only laid with his spider body, his human top having to hang or lean into something for support.

Remus stretched the blanket out to lie over the spider's back, but stretched a different tentacle to fetch another blanket to their side. With the new blanket, he wrapped it around Virgil's shoulder, having the spider now fully covered. Finished with his job, he continued to have his tentacles spread to keep the blanket over the three firmly in place, even if they were to move slightly.

But having nothing much but an arm to support his back, Virgil raised a finger to his mouth for his silk. He needed something to lean on, or his back would turn stiff again, and a single thread hanging from the ceiling would be enough for him. But as he went to do so, a growl from Roman had him stop to turn and raise an eyebrow.

"What did I just tell you earlier?" Roman questioned, eyes obviously narrowed with a warning look.

A huff left the spider, but he let his hand fall back down. A demanding look was shot back, and the dragon immediately went to drag over a cushioned stool for him.

When the furniture was in arm reach, Virgil immediately dragged it over and leaned onto it with crossed arms.

Seeing as everything was finally settled, a sigh of pleasure came from Patton, and he melted into the pile. With everyone back home, and Roman keeping a bright fire burning for them, everything was perfect. The group had always lived together and had this routine for the colder times. The more warm-blooded would always make sure the cold-blooded were all well in health, not growing cold or sick.

Remus, as an octopus hybrid, should also be a cold-blooded, but for some miracle, he was actually not. Maybe it was from his creation magic, like Roman's, or if it was his relation to the dragon hybrid, no one knew. They were just glad he wasn't cold-blooded as well. Knowing he would have been a difficult one to keep healthy as so. That man was always all around. All from being underwater in the lake, to climbing in the trees, to doing his job to scare off all the humans daring to step close to their territory. Keeping him constantly warm enough would be a pain for them all, so they were thankful for that miracle.

Logan got up from his place, his wings tucked behind his back, but Virgil could see the others had helped him groom by the time he had gotten back, or more like Roman dragged him back. "I will go and start on something for us all to eat," Logan stated, heading to the kitchen, leaving the group to continue to huddle together for warmth. "I will be right back."

"Alright! But call if you need help!" Patton called after the other, but cuddled closed to Janus as he hugged the silk blanket closer to them.

"He'll be fine like usual, Padre," Roman chuckled as he stepped over to take Logan's place by the frog. "He does fine in the kitchen. Though I do still prefer your meals, but the priority is to keep you warm."

A small chuckle left Patton, and the man croaked as he reached an arm up at the dragon. Roman smiled as he took it, and Patton dragged him down to lie with them. An amused laugh came from Roman, but he got himself comfortable by the pile, but making sure he had good view of the fire, being ready to strengthen it if it was to weaken for even a moment.

Everything was nice, cozy, and peaceful for them as another normal day passed by. The six men were as close as one could be without being blood-related, with the exception of Remus and Roman that is. And they would continue to be a close family of unique specimen, who stood out from everything else in the world.

The moon of the night sky shone beautifully down over the mansion as they all feasted and cuddled together for warmth and rest. This was all they ever needed, and it was all they ever wanted.

This is the hybrids' mansion. Their home.

#sanders sides #sanders sides fic #patton sanders #logan sanders #roman sanders #remus sanders #janus sanders #virgil sanders #spider virgil #snake janus #octopus remus #dragon roman #owl logan #frog patton #fanfic #sanders sides au #platonic drlamp

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thetempleofthemasaigoddess · 1 year

Text

One of a kind

Elrond x reader. This is a modern AU!

This fic is dedicated to @montyc @lady-of-imladris and @sotwk. You guys rock!!

*****

The small bookstore, situated in the oldest part of the city and semi-hidden between a laundromat and a grocery store, is a decidedly peculiar place. No volumes with brightly coloured covers arranged in alphabetical order or grouped by topic on the shelves, no new releases put on display on the front window, no section reserved to academic texts or books for children. It is a tiny, dusty space, with tomes of all sorts, sizes and shapes (!) piled in the corners or spread over tables; some look like they have not been touched for years, or are barely legible. It looks more like a pawn shop or a flea market than a bookstore, but the unassuming, modest appearance hides a veritable treasure cove: the store deals with rare and antique books, including many unique pieces, some of which are worth as much as the rent of a four rooms apartment. You adore it, and adore spending hours browsing around: you have been studying, and working with, old books ever since you were a girl, and in the bookstore you have found many precious volumes to add to your private collection; were it for you, you would never leave.

The sole downside of the store is its owner…

In a cool, rainy fall afternoon, you are wandering about as usual, inspecting the hundreds of books all around you, some of which are even piled under the furniture, given the lack of space, protectively holding the loot of today against your chest: a book printed at the beginning of the last century, in mint conditions, that many experts in the field considered lost. You know already that the store owner will ask a high sum for it, but the book is well worth it.

As you continue your tour in the barely lit rooms, the old parquet crackling under your feet, you find yourself walking by the counter: the owner, behind it, is discussing with a young man with dark hair, who you briefly, almost reflexively, glance at… and find yourself unable to look away.

He looks roughly your age, with the slender, strong build you would expect from an athlete, short hair the colour of oak wood framing the sort of face you had only seen in centuries-old paintings: he is simply dressed -jeans, a soft sweater, dark boots- but there is something elegant, even refined, in him. You move a few, hopefully unseen, steps towards him, to better look at him under the soft light of the old chandelier… and your eyes fall on the book the man and the store owner are discussing about; it is sitting on the counter between them, and when you recognize it, your heart skips a beat or four.

“So… how much could it be worth in your opinion, sir?” the man asks, his polite tone betraying a hint of anxiety.

“Hmm, let’s see...” the owner answers with the condescending tone you are used to, but still dislike “It is in fairly good conditions. I’d say… a hundred.”

The book you had chosen almost slips from your hands. A hundred?!?!

“So little?” the man asks, disappointment evident on his fair face “It is antique, I thought...”

“So it is, but what makes a book valuable is its rarity, not so much its age. This edition of your book was printed in more than five thousand copies, which significantly reduces its worth.”

“Oh.”

The man sighs, visibly saddened. “I see. A hundred is fine.”

The two men, engrossed in their conversation, pay you no mind, and you wait until the store owner has opened a drawer under the counter to take the money before making your move.

“If I may interrupt.” you intervene in your sweetest tone as you approach; the store owner glares at you.

“What do you want?”

“Simply to take a look at the book, if the gentleman allows.” you explain before addressing him directly “Do you mind? I am a bibliographer, and antique and rare books are exactly my field of study.”

“Of course.” he readily answers as he turns towards you, and for a moment you feel your heart tremble because of the soft, clever but kind look of his dark eyes, pink lips opening in a friendly smile; he is undoubtedly one of the most attractive people you have met in a long time, attractive enough to leave you speechless for a moment, but the weight of the book he is offering you in your hands quickly brings you back to attention. It is as you thought: a copy of The Annals of the Beleriand printed at the very beginning of the last century. And it is in perfect conditions!

“I had not seen one of these for years!” you exclaim, as usual unable to hide your excitement when a rare book is concerned “May I ask how you came by this?”

“It is part of the book collection we inherited from our parents.” the man explains; he has sensed your interest, and looks at you hopefully “Do you think it is worth more than a hundred?”

“I’d say! Normally, two hundreds would be a fair price for a book from this period, but for a particularity: it is said that the warehouse where the copies of this edition were kept was set aflame on the night before the books were supposed to be transferred and put on the market.”

“You are saying the books burnt?”

“I am; the fire very nearly spread to the whole street, according to an old newspaper article I read. Anyway, only six copies were said to have survived; including this, and another one which is in my possession.” you explain with satisfaction, and then offer your sweetest smile to the store owner, who has gone red in the face with anger and irritation “I am sure our friend here was unaware of this little detail, otherwise he would have never offered you such a modest sum.”

The dark-haired man’s smile, already aware you saved him from being swindled, grows even larger, and grateful; there is no need for words, and in a moment, you have allied against the owner. “And since you are clearly an expert on the subject, what price do you think I should accept?” he asks, his eyes boring into yours.

Ah! “I would say...” dramatic pause “A thousand.”

It is ten times the sum the man was going to accept, had you not intervened, and this makes him gasp with joy; the bookstore owner, on the other hand, looks on the verge of a heart attack.

“Of course, if the gentleman here cannot afford to offer such a figure, I know a few people who…”

“No, no, just a second!” the owner protests “The book’s conditions are not so satisfactory after all. I think seven hundred is…”

“A thousand.” your new friend interrupts him, still polite but clearly determined not to accept less than what he could ask for “Either a thousand or the deal is over.”

It is with great pleasure that you observe as the owner takes the agreed sum out of the drawer and rudely puts it in the hands of the client; on his request, he also writes a receipt for the sale.

“I’d like to buy this instead.” you state then, handing the man the book you had chosen, and your credit card “I think four hundred is a fair price.”

The owner glares at you; if looks could kill, friends and family would be already gathered to cry on your tomb. “It’s not up to the client to decide the price. Six hundred.”

“Four hundred and fifty.”

“Five hundred and fifty.”

“Five hundred.”

“Five hundred, all right.” he finally relents with a sigh, while you mentally pat yourself on the back; this is a fair price, and the one you had intention to pay from the start. You put the book in your bag, while the man next to you does the same with his money.

“Goodbye and thank you!” you say almost as one to the owner, still glaring at you both while he looks at the man open the door and let you pass first.

Once you are both outside, the dark-haired man smiles at you, full of joy and relief. “If we were a couple of teenagers, I would now high-five you.” he confesses “But since we are both adults, I’ll limit myself to thank you from the bottom of my heart, for your help.”

“It was a real pleasure.” you sincerely answer, while impulsively you offer his your hand “I am (full name).”

“Elrond Peredhel. Pleased to meet you.”

Elrond’s hand -the grasp firm but not painful, the fingers long and elegant… and naked, you cannot help but noticing, with no wedding or engagement ring on sight- shakes yours; the gaze of his dark eyes is so intense it makes you shiver… and the sensation is not at all unpleasant.

“How may I repay you?”

“There is no need, really; I can’t stand those who take advantage of other people’s ingenuity.”

“I agree, but thanks to you I earned ten times what I would have otherwise. May I at least buy you dinner?”

He is not asking you out, unfortunately, but you like his approach, the ability to recognize he is in debt without humbling himself; he has a self-confident, but not proud, bearing, this young man you find yourself liking more with each passing minute. Who knows, maybe he has other books to sell, and in that case you could meet again at the store…

“Thank you, but I really can’t accept.” you answer, forcing yourself not to take advantage of his generosity “Dinner would be far too much…”

“A drink, then?” Elrond insists, a friendly smile softening the insistence in his words “Wherever you wish.”

By now you can’t help smiling; why not, after all?, you ask yourself; he’s offering, and all you ask is to enjoy his attention for a while. “All right; if you are sure, thank you.”

You decide on a nearby pub. It has started raining, and Elrond covers both with his umbrella as you walk towards it, his boots and your sneakers advancing side by side on the wet cobblestone.

“You are a regular at the bookstore, I gathered.”

“I really am. The owner hates me, and the only thing stopping him from shutting the door in my face is the fact that I am his best customer, and I have brought many others to the store. It really is the best place in town when it comes to rare and antique books, which is why I put up with him.” you explain with a sigh, and Elrond smiles.

“Well, all the better for me.”

You reach the pub five minutes later, and soon you and Elrond are sitting at one of the round, lacquered tables; as a perfect gentleman, he lets you order first.

“Forgive me if I say so, but a thousand seems like an absurd sum for a book.”

“I understand you’re surprised, but believe me, that is a pretty standard price for what I usually deal with, and I have seen many volumes sold for much higher prices.” you eagerly explain; you like to talk about your job, especially when the interlocutor is clearly interested in what you have to say “Last year, a first edition of The Red Book of Westmarch was sold for a hundred thousand. And that is not the most striking case.”

“Hmm…”

Elrond sips his drink as he reflects on your words. “Would you be able to assess the value of any rare book? And to put the owner in touch with a potential buyer?” he inquires in the end.

“Of course, with a little time at my disposal.” you proudly answer “I know many collectors and bibliophiles, and even a few auction houses. Why, you have other treasures to sell?”

Elrond’s expression turns serious, almost circumspect, as he takes a notebook out of his bag, opens it and then offers it to you. “I think I can trust you.” he states, and you are taken aback at how proud, and sincerely happy, you feel because of that assessment “Here, tell me what you think.”

Listed on the pages of the notebook in a small and elegant calligraphy, under the title Ada’s books are more than a hundred volumes; of each, Elrond has neatly listed the title, the year of publication, the editor and the conditions - mostly perfect or very good.

And what a list! You feel your eyes widen as you scroll down the page and realize the content of this notebook is a veritable treasure cave. First editions, novels in languages that were only printed once, signed copies… if they are all, or even just half of them, genuine -which you can’t assume, no matter how friendly and handsome Elrond is; like any bibliographer, you are by now an expert in recognizing a forgery, and you can’t count the times the masterpiece you thought you had discovered was actually not even twenty years old- this is a discovery worth to be shown to all the experts in the field, and even to be exhibited.

“So? What do you think?” Elrond anxiously asks, and you make sure to look at him in the eyes before answering.

“I feel as if I had opened a cookie box and found all three Silmarils inside.”

His cheeks turn an adorable shade of pink. “Oh, come on…!”

“I am deadly serious, Elrond. This list… some volumes on it are first editions, and a few must be rare enough to be classified as almost impossible to find. There is at least a title, maybe two, for which a single copy was thought to exist until now! Eru… it is a veritable fortune! We are talking of very sizeable sums, if you were to sell them.”

“Please! Lower your voice!” Elrond urges you, discretely looking all around him.

“Sorry, sorry. It is just…”

You swallow the rest of your drink in a gulp; you are so excited that the hand holding the glass is shaking.

“I am sorry; when it comes to rare books, I lose the sense of moderation like some women do in a clothing boutique; I really am obsessed. My mother says this is why I am still single.” you admit, making him laugh “How did you come by this… collection?”

Elrond explains that his ancestors have bought rare books for decades, and that through the generations the collection, by now of considerable size and richness, was bequeathed to him and his twin brother Elros. Then, the expression of your new friend turns sad.

“Our parents were… taken from us when we were very young. We were kidnapped, in a sense, and then we were informed they had died.” he explains, catching you a bit off-guard; you can’t see how that tragedy is linked to the book collection, but that doesn’t prevent you from offering him your sincere condolences.

“I am so sorry, Elrond; it’s… it’s a terrible thing to experience, especially when one is so young.”

“It was. Now we are older, and we manage just fine, except… my brother fell ill, six months ago; very ill, enough that for a while we thought he would not… anyway, there is a cure that has a good probability to restore his health, but it is costly. Very costly - too much for me, and none of our friends can help in a way that would really matter.”

Even with the relatively good news of the cure, taking care of his brother has clearly taken a toll on Elrond; his sad, scared and still brave smile talks of a man who has spent more than one sleepless night wondering how to save the life of the only family he has left. Poor, poor Elrond, you think as you feel your heart break for him; you have already taken a liking to him, to his sweet smile and expressive dark eyes, but this poor man is dealing with problems you would not wish on your worse enemy, and that are taking a toll more on his mental equilibrium than on his economic situation.

“I am so sorry, Elrond.” you whisper; instinctively, and even though you have never been used to physical contact with people you have barely met, your hand finds his arm on the table, and gently squeezes it in consolation “I took care of my father for years before… before he left; I know how painful it is.”

“Thank you, (name). But there is no need for condolences; Elros will live, I know, I only need to help him, and there is nothing I wouldn’t do to in order to give him just one more chance. To sell our family’s book collection was a tough decision -all of it, should it be necessary- considering it is one of the few things we have left of our father, but my brother comes before everything else.”

Elrond smiles. “Thanks to you, that copy of the Annals will pay for two months of his therapy; so thank you, (name), thank you so much.”

You tell him you are happy you could help, especially now that you know what he will use the money for. “Maybe… maybe I could do something else.” you tentatively add, suddenly shy for a reason you can’t fully comprehend but determined to support Elrond in any way you can, for no reason but the need to make sure his brother receives the best of care, and the love and the concern you see in his dark eyes. “Could I borrow this list? Or could you make me a copy?”

“Why?”

“Even at first glance it is clear that you are in possession of a veritable gold mine in books, but I would like to do a throughout research on a few of this volumes. I need to consult a few database and maybe with one or two colleagues, and check with the auction houses to see what price we -you- could realistically hope to sell at, because sometimes simply there is no one willing, or able, to pay a fair price. You could tell me if there are volumes you would be more inclined to sell, or what sum you need for Elros’ next cycle of therapy, and I would do my best to find a buyer. What do you think?”

Elrond doesn’t think much, at the moment, judging by his overwhelmed expression. “I… I had thought about bringing one or two volumes at a time at the bookstore…”

“You could; but as you have seen, the store owner is the last person you could expect a fair payment from; if you let an expert -which I am, false modesty aside- help you, you will be sure no one is taking advantage of you.”

“And you could help me? You would?”

“Of course.” you reassure him with a smile “This is what I do. I usually take a percentage of each sale I help arrange, but don’t worry, I am relatively cheap - ehm, my fee is.”

You would be tempted to add you can repay me taking me out to dinner or something like that, but you don’t; even in jest it would be offensive, given what Elrond told you regarding his brother, and you have seen enough of him to know already he would be terribly embarrassed by your proposal. It would be highly inappropriate… for now, at least, and regardless of whether he would be inclined to accept or not. Who knows...

A quick telephone number and e-mail address exchange later, Elrond promises to send you a copy of the list before the end of the day, and you to get down to work as soon as he does.

“Meeting you was a gift from above, (name).” Elrond says “I am sorry you had to waste a whole afternoon because of me.”

“Believe me, I was happy to help.” you answer, as sincere as you have never been before, while you leave the pub together, under a sky devoid of clouds, the blue almost blinding “And I had nothing else to do, to be honest. I have walked my dog this morning and I, uhm, I am not married, you know, and so...”

“Well, all the better for me.” Elrond says, and then, realizing the implications, he blushes a fiery red “I mean… otherwise I wouldn’t have been able to consult you, and...”

He’s stammering, but he smiles when he sees you do the same, and finds again the polite, self-assured attitude you have already witnessed while he spoke to the bookstore owner; you have dealt with your fair share of rare books, you suddenly reflect, but he is the first real one of a kind you have ever encountered. “I’ll write to you as soon as I get home, (name).” he promises.

“Amazing. You’ll hear from me very soon, I promise.”

He hesitates for a moment -he is still blushing- and then kisses you on the cheek, his touch as delicate as a sparrow’s wing. You depart, stopping just once to look at Elrond’s elegant, slender form walking away, and then you set off for home, feeling happy for reasons that have nothing to do with the antique book stored in your bag.

Tagging as usual @starlady66 and @elvenenby.

#The Lord of the Rings #The Lord of the Rings: The Rings of Power #The Rings of Power #Rings of Power #Elrond #Elrond Peredhel #Elrond x reader #Robert Aramayo #Bellona's stuff

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missywritesfor7 · 1 year

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Constellations | KTH

Synopsis: A short Taehyung fluff inspired by Constellations by Jack Johnson.

Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Reader

Word count: 1.1k

Warnings: none. Just fluff.

Only 30 minutes have passed but you already feel your legs begging for a break. Wherever Taehyung is taking you he seems very excited about it. Whenever you slow down he looks back at you with his big boxy smile and grabs your arm to help you continue along the path to his “special” location. You only hope it’s not much longer so your legs can rest. Despite the mild exhaustion, you’re fueled by his childlike enthusiasm to continue on.

“Where are you taking me?” You ask for probably the hundredth time.

“We’re almost there, my love.” He wraps his arm around your shoulder still walking with an excited bounce.

With him he brought a large blanket, one you two typically use for picnics, but he didn’t bring anything else. A picnic with no food? You wondered. The sun was close to setting so you assumed he wanted to watch as he does often. This time, however, he’s taking you somewhere you’ve never been. You’re not even sure how he found such a remote place. Climbing a hill that looks over the vast lake below. You can’t deny it’s a beautiful sight.

“Here!” Taehyung points to a large tree up ahead and skips over. He lays the blanket out under the tree and sits down.

You sit next to him curling up under his arm taking in his warmth. The sun is quickly disappearing over the horizon, it’s reflection in the lake fading minute by minute. It’s beautiful, much more so than watching from home. It’s clear why Tae wanted to come here. There’s no one around and the view can’t be beat.

Soon there’s nothing left of the sun and the moon has taken its place in the sky amongst the stars. The stars which seem much brighter here than you’ve ever seen them. The sky looks unreal yet so hypnotizing. It’s gorgeous.

“Babe,” you look up at Taehyung who hasn’t taken his eyes off of the sky since he sat down. “Thanks for bringing me here. It’s beautiful.”

“Someone as beautiful as you deserves to see beautiful things.” He smiles pressing his lips softly against yours.

You both look out to the sky saying nothing more, just taking in the beautiful constellations painted across the dark canvas.

“How did you find this place?” You whisper still in awe at what a great location it is.

“An angel told me about it,” he smiles giving you a wink.

“An angel?” You should have known he wasn’t going to give you a straight answer.

Tae nods and points to a cluster of stars. “Those stars kind of look like an angel.” He smiles fondly as you squint trying to see the angel that he’s pointing out. “That’s the angel that told me about it,” he continues.

You’re still trying to see what he sees, but you nod along anyway. Tae has an incredible ability to see things that most people can’t and he usually has a story to go along with it. He approaches life from a different perspective and it gives him the ability to see beauty in things others aren’t able to even comprehend. Although you can’t see the angel in the sky you can still see the beauty simply through listening to him talk about it.

“How did the angel tell you?” You ask urging him to continue.

“I saw it one day when I was a kid. I couldn’t see it very well though. I knew it was trying to speak to me, but I couldn’t understand what it was saying. I asked how I could see it better so I could understand it, but there was no answer. Everyday since then I looked for a place where I could see the angel and talk to it.” He pauses still staring into the sky. His mouth turned up in an endearing smile.

“Finally,” he carried on. “I heard a voice tell me to look for the tree by the water. Everyday I searched for a place with a tree by water. I didn’t know about this place until I finally found it on a map last week.”

“Last week?” You look up at him though his eyes are still focused on the sky. “So you came here last week?”

“No, this is my first time here. I was so sure that this was the place that I waited to bring you with me. If I was going to finally see the angel that’s been guiding me my whole life, then I wanted to share the moment with you.”

“Babe,” you can feel your emotions clogging your throat as you try to get words out. You can tell he feels connected to this angel so deeply, and the fact that he thought to include you in this, that he’s been searching for most his life, is making you feel warm and so very loved.

“I couldn’t understand much, but I would hear the angel's voice come though every now and then,” Tae says with the reflection of the stars dancing in his eyes. “It’s been guiding me. It’s never steered me wrong this whole time. It’s my guardian. And I’m so happy I finally found it so I can talk to it. I’m happy to share this moment with you.” Taehyung looks at you and you can see the emotions in his face. The tears welling in his eyes as he experiences something he’d been chasing for so long.

“I’m happy to share this moment with you too,” you say kissing him. You’ve kissed him many times but it almost feels like this is the first kiss all over again. The butterflies you had on your first date are nothing compared to the ones overflowing out of you at this moment. His warm lips sending chills through your body are as strong as the first night you two spent together. In this moment it feels like you’ve fallen in love all over again.

“I love you,” he says looking into your eyes. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too.”

He looks back to the sky and stares for a moment as if he’s listening.

“What’s the angel telling you now?” You ask.

Taehyung smiles not taking his eyes off the stars. “I’ll tell you when the time is right.” He says holding you closer.

In that moment you finally see it. You see the angel that he had been searching for all his life. The angel you squinted so hard into the sky to see. However the angel isn’t is the sky, the angel is in his eyes.

#bts #bts au #bts fanfic #bts fic #kim taehyung #v #v x reader #taehyung x reader #Taehyung #drabble #bts fluff #taehyung fluff #fluff

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apocalypticavolition · 2 months

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Let's (re)Read The Wheel of Time! Chapter 29: A Trap to Spring

Here there be spoilers! And snacks. But they're fortune cookies and the fortunes are just more spoilers for the whole book series so, y'know.

This chapter has the Flame of Tar Valon icon because we're focused on our Accepted girls while Nynaeve has a secret meeting with the Amyrlin.

It was a measure of her upset that she used such language, and another that she did not even notice she had done it.

Pretty interesting for the POV to note their unawareness of something, but that's Nynaeve for you.

She was more than merely stout, with layers of chins, and a spotless white apron that could have made three novice dresses. She carried her own long-handled wooden spoon like a scepter. It was not for stirring, that spoon. It was for directing those under her, and smacking those who were not building character quickly enough to suit her.

Laras isn't an innkeeper, but the fatness = goodness equation still applies to her, even if she is a bit of a tyrant.

But to be treated as a lazy, none-too-bright child by this Laras, to be forced to curtsy and scurry for this woman she could have put in her place with a few well-chosen words back home—that made her grind her teeth almost as much as did the thought of Moiraine.

Part of the reason Nynaeve ends up such a good Aes Sedai is that she gets to sidestep this part of the initiation process by skipping being a Novice and only spending a few days in the Tower being punished.

She stared at the women slicing oatcake. She glared at the women peeling vegetables. She sneered into the soup kettles, then at the women tending them; the women became engrossed in studying the surface of the soup. Her frown set the girls carrying plates and bowls out to the dining hall to a run. Her glower put the novices darting like mice sighting a cat.

Not one of Siuan's best spent moments, if you ask me. I get why she's playing this character, but she's rather too far into it. Though I guess in her mind making Laras's title official at the end of the chapter balances the books, and since Laras will be saving her life I guess she's right.

“If they are this easily cowed,” she muttered softly, “perhaps they really have been getting away with too much for too long.”

An amusing running theme we'll see in our Aes Sedai and for that matter the Darkfriends going forward, and some might argue something to play out in real life as well.

Laras came waddling faster than Nynaeve had ever seen the woman move before, darting at Elayne and Egwene to seize an ear of each, all the while repeating, “Yes, Mother. Immediately, Mother. As you command, Mother.” She hurried the two young women out of the kitchen as if eager to escape the Amyrlin’s stare.

She is eager, Nynaeve. The Amyrlin probably almost never comes into the kitchens except during important feastdays or diplomatic events and she's probably usually in a better mood.

“I planned to have you brought to my study after the midday meal. To scold you for not choosing your studies, so I implied to Leane. But there is news that could not wait. Sheriam found another Gray Man. A woman. Dead as last week’s fish, and not a mark on her. She was laid out as if resting, right in the middle of Sheriam’s bed. Not very pleasant for Sheriam.”

This Dead Man is meant to exonerate Sheriam so that she seems like a target of the Dark instead of one of its allies, but unfortunately no one has the sense to ask the good question, "Why would she be targeted by the Dark?" or even "Why this roundabout use of a threat instead of using a Gray Man for its intended purpose?" though Nynaeve at least has the sense to point out that Sheriam is aware of the investigation, not that Siuan listens. And Nynaeve being suspicious of Sheriam after being so clearly unreliable in her internal narration helps trick the reader too.

She could not make herself entirely trust the woman wearing the seven-striped stole—or any woman who could wear the shawl, for that matter—and it seemed best to keep some things in reserve.

*headdesks over everyone's continued refusal to talk to one another*

As for Else Grinwell. . . . I remember the girl. She could have learned, had she applied herself, but all she wanted was to smile at the men at the Warders’ practice yard. Else Grinwell was put on a trading vessel and sent back to her mother ten days ago.

And thus the characters become aware of the deception that we've known has been going on for some time. Unfortunately they never do solve this mystery, but at least it's a complete non-issue compared to everything else.

“And what do you mean to do about this . . . so-obvious trap?” the Amyrlin said softly, still staring over the kitchen, away from Nynaeve. “Do you mean to fall into this one, too?”

And the next one and the next one and the next, creeping in the pretty noose from trap to trap.

“I will put gold in your room for the journey. And I will let it be whispered about that I have sent you out to a farm to hoe cabbages. Will Elayne be going with you?”

Since I've had some accuse me of being too on the gals' side, let's note that the timeline of this chapter (midday) and that Mat's escape is probably several hours from now means that the girls make absolutely no effort to help fund him on his mission for them even when they have the resources to do so. Not being able to find time to visit him immediately in light of all that's happened is one thing, not taking the time do so as everything starts into motion is part of the callous disregard for him that will take Birgitte to fix.

Putting Morgase back on the proper path whether she wants to go or not will be hard enough without her thinking I’ve sent her daughter to sea in a leaky skiff. This way I can say straight out that it was none of my doing.

Note how the Oaths work on perception of truth instead of absolute truth; Siuan is absolutely an accomplice in the scheme to throw a princess at the Darkfriends but she doesn't see herself as complicit so she can say she isn't.

No more than a dozen women in the Tower know what Callandor is, and perhaps as many outside. The High Lords of Tear know, but they never speak of it except when a Lord of the Land is told on being raised. The Sword That Cannot Be Touched is a sa’angreal, girl. Only two more powerful were ever made, and thank the Light, neither of those was ever used. With Callandor in your hands, child, you could level a city at one blow.

I doubt any of the people Siuan mentions knows Callandor's true purpose, and note as well how the canon will drift on the subject. Right now, Callandor is the thirdmost powerful sa'angreal ever made (and apparently a threat in the hands of the Black Ajah even though it's clearly for a dude) and the two more powerful, never used amplifiers that exceed it are the individual Choedan Kal statues. At some point later, possibly purely a point of Brandon's confusion but maybe not I genuinely don't remember, it will become the thirdmost powerful male sa'angreal and presumably fourthmost overall, with Sakarnen taking the slot. That said, even Siuan isn't an infalliable source, so we can assume her ignorance of Sakarnen is because it ended up in Shara which is well outside of her wheelhouse.

“Oh, they do hate it, child. Hate it, and fear it. When they find a Tairen girl who can channel, they bundle her onto a ship for Tar Valon before the day is done, with hardly time to speak goodbyes to her family.”

It's lucky for Siuan that they don't just get killed.

Their fortress that has broken a hundred armies will fall as one of the signs the Dragon is Reborn. Not even the only sign; just one. How that must rankle their proud hearts. Their downfall will not even be the one great sign of the world’s change.

Funnily enough for Siuan and Tairien pride, the fall of the Stone does end up being the great sign that convinces the most people in the west.

You are a fine judge of character, child. You must have done well as the Wisdom of your village. It was Laras who went to Sheriam and demanded to know how long you three are to be kept to the dirtiest and hardest work, without a turn at lighter. She said she would not be a party to breaking any woman’s health or spirit, no matter what I said.

Nynaeve is in some ways even haughtier than the actual princess, though since she's spent most of her life as the Wisdom or her heir apparent, she has the same archetypal background, so it makes sense.

Laras’ frown deepened, and she began tapping her spoon on her thigh, apparently forgetting that for once it had been used for its intended purpose.

I imagine Laras finds Nynaeve's smile so unpleasant because it's so forced, you know? It must feel almost like mockery.

“We leave after the washing up is done,” she told them, “just as quickly as we can fetch our belongings from our rooms.”

So again: they absolutely have time to say goodbye to Mat and toss him a bit of coin, but don't even think about it because he's already doing it for him so why think about him again? Probably the reason Nynaeve will spend four or five books not bothering to tell Rand that Mat is missing, presumed dead, in Ebou Dar is that she told him to find a servant to fetch her some tea right before that wall collapsed and immediately put him out of her mind except for the occasional certainty that she's much thirstier than she should be.

Next time: Mat has a night on the town!

#let's read #wheel of time #wot #robert jordan #wheel of time spoilers #wot spoilers #nynaeve al'meara #elayne trakand #egwene al'vere #laras #siuan sanche

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thenoisethatkeepsmeawake · 9 days

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Hi there! It seems like you watch a wide variety of horror movies. Could you recommend some interesting or unique vampire films that have caught your attention?

Hi there anon,

I'd sure like to help. Since you say "interesting or unique" I'll skip over the widely praised usual things. Vampire basics like Bram Stoker's Dracula (looks gorgeous, great cast, perfect soundtrack), The Lost Boys (peak 80s style) or Blade (great vampire action).

Only Lovers Left Alive - vampires are somewhat immortal and living long enough brings its own bag of emotions. Dread, depression, nihilism. Tilda Swinton and Tom Hiddleston play longtime married vampires living mostly apart and drifting back into each other's life for a bit. Also blood sucking isn't all that fun with todays diseases. (IMDB)

Near Dark - this is a classic, but sometimes it gets overlooked. Director/writer Kathryn Bigelow tells a sorta western story, but there are vampires in it, except we don't even call them that. It starts with young dude means a beautiful woman, and oops she bites him and then he falls in with the crowd she hangs out with. Lots of violence in this one. (IMDB)

Stake Land - I really enjoy the film "Daybreakers" about a world with vampires being the dominant species and the problems it causes, that is a wider known film of that variety. "Stake Land" is like the discarded sibling, focusing on a post-apocalyptic atmosphere. A vampire hunter finds a survivor who just saw his family being slaughtered and they drive cross-country to hopefully find a safe place. If you like typical zombie-apocalypse genre conventions, then this is a nice vampire version. (IMDB)

Shadow of the Vampire - really not a hidden gem, but I have to mention it. This film tells the story of the filming of Murnau's 1922 "Nosferatu", but in this the lead actor Max Schreck is actually a vampire. Willem Dafoe gives a wonderful performance and it's just film history wrapped into vampire drama. (IMDB)

What We Do in the Shadows - this was definitely unique when it came out and hey, it spawned a whole tv show. A mockumentary about vampires just living in the real world. Just fun to watch. (IMDB)

Cronos - this is Guillermo del Toro's first feature film and tbh it's been forever since I've seen it. There is a device that grants immortality, but the side effects are pretty much turning into a vampire (the hunger for blood, not going out in the sun). An old man finds the device and a not so noble businessman desperately wants it. Fun to see early del Toro and his use of monsters vs human evil. (IMDB)

A Girl Walks Home Alone at Night - an Iranian black-and-white film, about a female vampire who is drawn into some family drama about addiction. Not an easy watch, very stylistic (influenced highly by spaghetti western), but also really interesting with the themes of desire and danger. Unique for sure. (IMDB)

We Are the Night - if I'm really honest, I'm not sure I would even call this a good film. There is so much I'd like to change. BUT I also absolutely adore it for being unapologetic about a group of women doing what the fuck they want - as vampires. And there is a reason they don't turn men. This is something that can be build on. (IMDB)

Byzantium - full disclosure, I saw this once and didn't enjoy it much, but I want to give it another shot, because I think I was in the wrong mood back then. Director Neil Jordan is good with visuals and being weird like in "Interview with the Vampire", "The Butcher Boy" ot"Breakfast on Pluto". And here he tells a long interwoven life story of a mother and daughter vampire duo. In a world where vampires have a strict code and used to be mostly noble men. So there is class and gender in the mix, lots of sexuality (there is rape and prostitution) etc etc. Maybe this could be for you, idk. (IMDB)

Let the Right on in - always to be found on a list like this. There is the Swedish film (based on the book) and an US remake that made a few choice changes, but is overall still worth watching. Kinda a bummer to put it out as a vampire film right away. When I read the book I thought it was just a serial killer story and the twists and turns of who is who was a wild ride. There is a young boy who gets bullied at school, but befriends the new kid in the neighborhood who seems to live a weird life. Heavy themes about grooming and the true horror only sets in at the end. (IMDB)

As for simple vampire action, I do love the "Underworld" series. This year's "Abigail" shouldn't have revealed it was a vampire film at all, but it's very bloody and funny, so a quick watch. Also a bloody good time is "30 Days of Night", and I stand by my belief that red blood looks fantastic on white snow. If you like animated films, the anime "Vampire Hunter D: Bloodlust" is a great gothic vampire love story. There's lots to find.

#anon ask #ramblings

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ladylooch · 1 year

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Loving & Leaving- Part 2

Visit the series page here.

A/N: We are going to get CHAOTIC with this one. So buckle up. 😈

Warnings: SMUT 18+ Content, Swearing, angsty

Word Count: 4k

The Swiss Hockey Federation awards are in the late summer. And every year, Nico begs me at the last minute to come with him. With his good looks and professional hockey career, you would think he would be able to find a true date to go with. But every year, it’s me on his arm. We skip the red carpet, as per usual, and slide into the sleek, modern event space relatively undetected. The room is stunning, decked out in the reds and whites of our national colors. The Swiss flag flies proudly around the room while various projectors showcase the latest and greatest hockey talent Switzerland has to offer.

As an event planner myself, I am quite impressed. This is an detailed, high-end event with waiters trolling the floor carrying small bites and free flutes of champagne. The full, open bar has anything you could want including expensive liquors from all over the world. The bright chandeliers twinkle in the low lighting, complimenting the live jazz music that fills the room. An air of sophistication wafts through and loud laughter rings in my ears as Nico hands me a glass of champagne.

“Thank you.” I say, bringing it to my lips as I scan the room again.

“Expecting someone?” Nico asks, watching my face.

“No.” I lie. “Admiring the details.”

“I’m going to go walk the room. You good?”

“Yeah. Take your time.” I tell him.

Anticipation buzzes in my blood, eye sweeping, looking for a certain Devil who isn’t my brother. I haven’t seen Timo since March. He’s reached out but I’ve put him off, absorbed in work and my friend group. I know he returned to Switzerland weeks ago, but he’s been in and out of the country with his family, spending precious moments with them that he doesn’t get during the season. But that doesn’t mean he’s been far from my thoughts.

I don’t see Timo, but I know he will be here. Every year for the past three years, Timo has been here. I’ve been here. The night always ends the same: frantic lips, desperate hands, and silent screams of pleasure in a nearby closet.

The one just to the left of the women’s bathroom looks like the winner this year.

The moment he arrives, my body knows. My brown eyes wander to him, drinking him in like a parched camel. He’s dressed in a Navy suit and works on buttoning his jacket again after the red carpet. He has dark, sexy stubble lining his jaw and upper lip. I want to know what that feels like between my thighs. I push out a controlled breath, feeling my core tremble as he rubs a hand along his cheek, then inspects the room. I watch him find my brother. He sees Nico alone and furrows his brow, running his tongue along the inside of his mouth. He heads right to him, extending a hand and shaking it with his easy smile. He looks good tonight. Everything about him pulls me in. I’m yearning to feel his skin, tanned from his trip to Italy, beneath my finger prints.

Nico and Timo talk for a few minutes while I watch. Timo lets out a loud laugh, head tilting back towards the ceiling. It flows through the air to me, lodging in my chest, soothing some of the missing him. Nico gestures to his left, then turns, looking right at me. I freeze as Timo’s gaze finds me. Excitement fills his face. He gives me a smile followed by a brief, friendly wave that has butterflies growing in my abdomen. When Nico turns away, Timo tosses me a wink. It’s brief. Anyone else would have missed it, but it’s been the agreement I’ve been waiting for.

Tonight, we’ll play another round of desperate roulette. Winner picks the tempo.

As the night drags on, I visit with various players, running around with my brother until I bore of the same conversation over and over again. Yes- Jersey is great. Yes, the team is getting better. Yes, its so funny how it’s become Switzerland of the West. Ha, ha, ha. Bleh. I don’t know how Nico does it. But, he’s always been sweet, charming, and attentive. It’s what makes him a great captain.

The one person we don’t go see is Timo. It’s all part of our game. When Nico and I get close, he moves along to the other side of the room. There, his gaze drags along my skin, spreading wildfire through me and an ache that I’m getting desperate for him to cure.

I’m on my third glass of champagne when I perch myself perfectly in Timo’s view. Lust fills my cheeks and lips as he strokes the glass of his drink, rubbing at the condensation while chatting with Kevin Fiala. If I close my eyes, I can imagine that same thumb rubbing against my throbbing clit. My teeth tease my lip wondering how much longer it’s going to take for him to make his move. Nico is drawing closer and closer to me again. The night is seemingly winding down after speeches and awards. I worry our time is running out.

Kevin disappears with his wife from the bar, but Timo remains. He glances over his shoulder in my direction, a small smirk tilting his lips at seeing me staring at him.

Here we go.

He pushes up, turning my way when a petite blonde with bursting cleavage intercepts him. My eyes narrow slightly. She’s ruining my night. I look towards my bother who is in conversation just to the left of me now. Shit. I contemplate how to get him further away while watching Timo from across the room. The blonde is closer now, absorbed, watching his mouth. Her fingers brush the jacket of his suit. I suddenly feel hot, but not in a good way.

It’s a different twist in my core now. Shades of green and ugly- about to rear into something I haven’t felt this intensely before.

The woman tosses her hair like she’s in a shampoo commercial, giggling at him. I jut my jaw out in irritation. She is so fake. And plastic. I bet she’s stuffed with fillers to hide from her insecurities. So unattractive. Yet… he’s looking at her like he’s interested? Is this what he picks when I’m not around? Yuck.

She calls out to the bartender who tosses her a white napkin on the bar top. She takes out her lipstick from her purse, red and deep just how I know he likes it. It’s almost the exact shade I picked tonight, just for him. She sketches what must be her number onto the napkin. Then, she places it in his hand, letting her fingers linger, taking stock of his curiosity. I stiffen, watching as she places her red lips against his cheek, then slide to his ear to whisper parting words.

My cheeks sting like he slapped me when he stuffs the napkin into his pocket. He knows I’m here, watching, and he did that? He could have tossed it on the bar. He could have let it accidentally drift to the floor from his hand. He could have not taken it at all. He should have don’t that. Instead, he’s saving it for later. My fingers almost smash the flute in my hand when I see his eyes soaking in her ass as she walks away.

And in that moment, I am decidedly done with this night.

“Can we go?” I interrupt my brother’s conversation next to me. “My feet hurt.” I point down to the black Jimmy Choos he bought for me last Christmas.

“I told you not to wear those.” He rolls his eyes. Truthfully, he doesn’t seem too disappointed at the prospect of leaving.

“You’re right as per usual.” I shrug, pacifying him so we will leave.

“I’m going to go say goodbye to Josi. I didn’t get to him earlier.” Nico hands me the valet ticket. “Have them grab the car.”

I stalk from the room before Timo can get to me. If he’s coming, I don’t know. I stopped looking when his eyeballs were glued to a sequined ass that wasn’t mine.

I’m standing at the valet podium when the man in question extends his vehicle ticket to the remaining valet. The employee walks off towards the parking lot, leaving us alone.

“Hi.” His voice is warm rolling over the bare skin of my shoulders to blanket me. One word and he makes me want to bury my face in the side of his neck.

“Hi.”

“Do I get to see you tonight?” He asks

Some fucking audacity. My eyes squint as I stare forward.

“No. But I’m sure the girl who’s number is on that napkin in your pocket is available.”

“Oooo.” He chuckles. “Careful, Em, you sound a little jealous.” I turn my icy stare on him. No words pass between us because we both know I am. “Ask nicely and I’ll come over.”

“I’m not begging for shit.” I snap back. He observes my anger, softening with his approach.

“You really don’t have to. I’m more than willing. You look so beautiful tonight.” He reaches his hand out to slide along the small of my back. His touch caresses like it belongs there. I close my eyes, jaw tightening as I resist the pull I feel to give in. “All I wanted was to be across the room with you. Be that glass you held all night.”

“Fooled me.” I snip. Damn him and his compliments.

“We were just talking.” Timo says. I turn to face him, demeanor still cold. “I’m out here with you, no?” My eyes drag along his suit jacket, stopping at the button holding it together. “I’m trying to end the night tasting the sweetest parts of you.” He reaches up, fingering the diamond stud in my ear that was a gift from him.

“I’m really not in the mood.” My teeth are tight from the tension. Timo’s fingers pause on my lobe until he slowly drops his hand back to his side.

“Why are you mad at me when I’m the one who hasn’t heard from you in months? I texted you earlier this week asking if you were going to be here and you ignored me.” His thick eyebrows pull together in annoyance. “I didn’t even know you were here until your brother told me.”

“It’s not your business where I am in the world.”

“It’s not?”

“No, you’re not my boyfriend.”

“Not by my choice.” My nostrils flare at his pointed tone.

“If I need to get crystal clear with you, I will. We’re never going to be together.”

“Yeah, because you’re fucking scared.” He scoffs, rolling his eyes at me.

“No. I’m not giving up my entire life for you so that you can have all your dreams come true while I’m just your trophy wife. Staying silent and pretty is not the life for me.” I whirl my hands about. “Plus, your behavior tonight just shows how incapable you are of loving me the way I deserve. You want options and I’m not going to share you.” Even to my own ears, I sound scared and unsure of what I’m saying. Like its a bunch of rapid fire excuses to deflect from how badly I want him right now.

“Behavior? I didn’t do anything wrong.” He spits out. “You just told me I’m not your boyfriend, so why does it matter who’s number I take?” He holds his hands out to the sides exasperated. “And I never asked you to give anything up for me. You’re making this all or nothing because you’re too damn chicken to try. I told you in Jersey that I want this. You were the one who ghosted me for months.” His chest is rising and falling rapidly. “That fucking hurts, Em.”

Tears fill my eyes as I dig my teeth into my bottom lip. I peel my gaze away from him, trying to regain my composure. Footsteps fall heavily behind us belonging to my brother.

“You’re leaving too?” Nico asks Timo as he comes between us. Nico snuck up on us, but a quick glance at his lax posture makes me believe he has no idea about us.

“Uh..” Timo clears his throat, stepping back, balling his hands into fists in frustration. “Yeah, early training tomorrow.”

“Bummer. Was going to say you should come over for a drink.” I hold my breath in anticipation of Timo’s answer.

“Nah, I shouldn’t.” He says as the valet comes forward with Nico’s car. Disappointment rattles in my stomach. Even as I want the distance, telling myself I don’t need this, I crave him.

“Next time.” Nico extends his hand for Timo to shake. I begin to walk forward without acknowledging Timo.

“It was great seeing you, Emma.” I toss a look at him over my shoulder. I can see the hurt in his blue eyes. I know I should say something to keep the act up, but I can’t. Instead, I slide into the passenger seat without another word.

Nico allows the silence for a few minutes on our drive home.

“You seem upset.”

“I’m just tired.” I toss a small, appeasing smile to him. His eyes don’t leave the road, but he sighs like he doesn’t believe me.

- - -

I’m outside.

Timo’s text comes through just as I settle against my pillows to sleep. I’m utterly exhausted after such a whirlwind night. I decide to ignore him, tossing my phone onto the other pillow and turning the lamp off. Light from my screen fills my room a minute later.

Come out here or I’m coming in.

Well. Can’t have that.

I toss my covers off begrudgingly, moving as quietly as I can down to the front door. I carefully tip toe out of the house, looking down the driveway to where Timo’s car purrs in the street, somewhat hidden by the trees and bushes. As I walk further down, I can see Timo outside the car, leaning against the driver’s side tire.

“Get in the car, Em.” He says as I approach. He takes in my matching pajama set of red shorts and an old, navy t-shirt.

“No.”

“Yes.” His jaw visibly tightens at my defiance.

“Or what?”

My body shakes from the chill of the mountain air. I underestimated how cool it was without the summer sun.

“Or, I’m going to drag you back inside and fuck you so hard we wake up your brother.” Whoa, this is new.

“Shh.” I hiss, stepping forward. I glare at him as I walk around the car and put myself into the back seat. He gives me a tired look. “You didn’t say where to sit.”

“You’re being such a brat.” He rubs angrily at his forehead, mumbling under his breath as he slams his door shut. He begins to drive, weaving with the road towards a hidden park down the street from home. He tosses the car in park, then comes into the back seat with me. I stare straight ahead. “You don’t get to act like this.”

“I’m not acting like anything.”

“You’re playing games with me. You’re all jealous because I took some girl’s number, then telling me we’re never going to be together? Which one is it? It doesn’t get to be both.”

“Fine. Fuck whoever you want then.” I snap. “I don’t care.”

“You don’t?” He snarls, grabbing my face with his hand. “It would be fine if I was balls deep in someone else tonight?” I wince from his words and he softens his grip instantly. “I’m sorry. I’m.. so sorry. I need you to… stop doing this to me. You’re driving me crazy, baby.” My eyes close when he murmurs the pet name. I get weak when he calls me that. “Acting like you don’t care and then getting all hot and jealous. Throwing tantrums and glaring at me before your eyes go dark, silently begging me to take you right in front of your brother.” He strokes his thumb along my cheek. I wrap my hand around his neck.

“Fuck me.” I tell him this time. “Right here. Please.” The rapid change between us is fitting and he takes it in stride.

“Thought you weren’t going to beg.” He reminds me, placing kisses along my throat, working down towards my chest.

“I don’t care. I just need you.” I confess as his fingers slide up my t-shirt, skirting along the soft skin of my abdomen. “So bad.” I whimper as he sucks against my collar bone.

“I don’t have anything.” He tells me, kissing sloppily over towards my ear. He pulls me into his lap after his confession. I contemplate, knowing we both know I’m on the pill. It’s a risk- I know it is. I hesitate, pulling back to look at his face. He pauses his movements, getting soft and serious as he holds my neck. “I’m clean. I’d never do anything that would hurt you.”

I believe him. Because he looks at me like he’s in love with me and it matches the yearning in my chest for him too. He could be anywhere else right now. Instead, he chose me.

“I trust you.” I whisper. “I’m good.”

“No one since me?” He asks the thing we always ask even though it hurts. I shake my head no. “Me either.” I smile against his lips on mine.

The feeling of our bare skins connecting has electric groans coming from our lips.

“You feel so good. So fucking wet.” He moans, putting his forehead between my breasts. “I’m not going to last. Can’t.” He moans again, louder this time as I rock on him.

“Good.” I whine as he strokes my clit. He watches my face as I bounce on him, thick eyebrows pulling down in pleasure as I ride. I’m not surprised at how quickly the tension begins to leak from us.

“Baby, where should I cum?” He groans after what feels like seconds.

“Right where you are.” I plea, working my hips into him faster. I grind harder against his hand, moaning loudly when his lips work my nipple over with the right strokes. “T-T- Ah.” I sob as I come, clenching him tightly in hard pulses until he shoots ribbons inside of me. The feeling of him in my heat, leaking, has my heart constricting in my chest. It’s so intimate it aches.

“Mmm.” He moans against my breast. His hot breath dances against my wet nipple, making me tremble more in his arms. I thread my fingers through his hair, tugging the strands so his head falls back into my palm. I place my mouth, wet and hungry, over his, sucking his tongue into mine. I rotate my hips, feeling him ooze more into me. “You are… incredible.” He whispers when we pull apart to gasp in air.

Our soft smooches fill the car, coming down gradually from our hasty high, savoring the taste and feel of each other.

“You deserve better than this.” He eventually speaks against my shoulder. “You should be in my bed, 800 thread count sheets hugging your beautiful curves. Or a luxury apartment building where you can look at New York City while I fuck you from behind. Not this.” He gestures to the back seat of his car, where our heads are awkwardly avoiding the roof. I turn to bury my nose into his shoulder again.

“I can’t leave my life here.” I whisper against his hot skin.

“What is here that I can’t give you? Events are everywhere.”

“I have a client base that can’t be recreated anywhere.”

“I have connections. So does your brother. We can build you something new in America. Maybe even better?” Irritation pops my bubble. Why is he pressing this again?

“You can’t just create something new that fits with what you want and think that’s payment for leaving my life behind. My answer is still the same.” I say, pushing off of him. His softening dick flops out of me quickly. I grimace at the feeling of his cum sliding out.

“Why are you arguing against everything I’m trying to do to make this work?” He asks me, holding his hands out to the side in question.

I can’t really put words together to answer him. It’s just a dreaded feeling in my soul of following someone else, somewhere else, and getting lost in their world. Never mind that I’m in love with him. I feel my body jolt at the new, inner thought and pull myself farther away from him. It’s terrifying to love someone like him. Someone that proved tonight he could have his pick of anyone else. The temptation is so much. I know enough from Nico to not want to sign up for this.

“Don’t do this.” He mutters. “Just.. sit here for a second. I want to talk.”

My afterglow has been shattered by his questions. I stretch my neck to the side, wincing at the way it tightens back up immediately under the weight of my head. He reaches out to kneed at my tense muscles, thumbs putting firm pressure where it’s needed most.

“We already talked about this earlier tonight. Why can’t you just let this be enough?” I gesture between our bodies.

“I thought you were only saying that because you were mad…” He questions.

“No. I meant it.”

“You’re not even willing to try?”

“It seems pointless.” I shrug. Unwillingly, my mind cuts out pictures of that life. City dates in New York, wearing his last name on a WAG jacket, and waking up next to him in the morning, not needing to run away. Maybe a ring.. eventually a baby or two. There’s that ache in my chest again.

Timo is silent next to me. Carefully, fingers dragging along every inch of me, he begins to pull away. First his fingers fall from around my neck. Then, he slowly moves his other hand from my bare thigh. He works himself back into his pants as I wiggle my shorts into place. The only noise between us is his belt hooking back into place.

Until…

“Emma, I can’t.” He pauses. “I can’t do this anymore.” It’s quiet and questioning, like he doesn’t want to say or mean it.

“Okay.” I pick at my thumb nail. I’ve heard this before. It never lasts.

“No, I’m serious. I love you.” The blood slows in my veins. He’s never said those words to me before and I wish it wasn’t this way. “And I can’t have only parts of you anymore. It’s not enough.” Something about his voice makes my heart drop into my stomach. Panic forces my blood to begin racing through my veins again.

He pops the back door open. Hair stands up straight on the back of my neck, jolting when the door shuts again. My body trembles as he gets into the driver’s seat. The car roars to life. I adjust my shirt back into place and tuck my hair behind my ears as he drives. I purse my lips together, looking at him in the rearview mirror. He won’t return my gaze but his flickering jaw tells me he knows I’m looking.

The house comes into view. Timo throws the car in park at the end of the driveway. The interior of the car smells like sex. I can feel my raw folds coated with his sticky seed, still remembering his thrusts. Tears poke my eyes when he refuses to meet my gaze. I have no choice but to get out of the car. Isn’t this what I want anyway? I can’t ignore the way my heart cracks when I pop the door to step out.

I turn back, expecting him to get out of the car with me. To say something else. He doesn’t. And he doesn’t wait for me to get to the house.

Instead, he drives off into the night, red tail lights blazing until they disappear into darkness.

I won’t see him again until November, under much different circumstances.

#TM: Loving & Leaving #Timo Meier #Timo Meier Smut #hockey writing #New Jersey Devils #NHL fan fiction

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