#but i think it was meant as a see! im not like those pansexual people who do believe this!

[torukmaktoskxawng]

'anla - part three

Series Masterlist

Summary: A race against time and the problem with having a large family.

Pairing: Ao'nung/Fem!Na'vi!Sully Reader

Warnings: Mature language, time skips, strict parents, blood/gore, HEAVY angst, death, canon typical violence, canon compliance, slow burn, etc.

Word Count: 5k+

Tag: #'anla ao'nung fic

Na'vi Words: tulkun - whale like animal, ilu - dolphin/plesiosaur like animal, ikran - Mountain Banshee, kuru - queue braid, tanhì - bioluminescent freckle, tsurak - skimwing, ionar - riding visor, tsaheylu - bond, matxe'lan - my heart

posted on ao3

Taglist (red indicates "could not tag"): @aonungmyaddiction @lv9su @aisselasstuff @yourusername1 @amortencjja @king-julian6201 @gg-trini @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @mikeyswifie

A/N: I'm only tagging those who specifically asked to be tagged as of rn. If you don't see your user in the taglist and you want to be added, please lemme know. Also, please reread part two before reading this. Thank you!

It was a dream turned into a nightmare. For a split second, Y/n wanted to drag Ao'nung by the hand and demand he takes her back to the Spirit Tree if it meant she could have one more minute of peace. The intrusive thought, however, immediately vanished when the Omatikaya girl finds herself gently holding a crying Tsireya while the entire village becomes an uproar of war cries all around them. Ronal is demanding justice for the murder of her Spirit Sister and calf, her eyes swimming with grief and anger as she mentioned the ones responsible for this crime.

The Sky People were here.

Y/n looks around, spotting her family among the crowd. In his hands, Neteyam held a long and red metal object, equipped with a sharp tip and light. Beside him, Jake is trying to calm the people, begging them to stop and think. Neytiri silently watches, a haunted look of recognition in her eyes as if she had seen all of this before. Kiri held onto her mother's shoulder as a comfort for both of them and Lo'ak, alone, stood small and quiet among the crowd while Tuk is nowhere to be found.

Her father continued to plead with the Metkayina people while Y/n drowned his voice out. She, too, had heard it all before and instead focused more on Tsireya, the reef girl shaking in fear, her innocence in question aside from what the villagers decided to do. Kiri had vanished from the crowd, likely off to find Tuk with danger so close to their new home, making a sickly feeling form in Y/n's stomach.

It only worsened when Jake took the red object, the tracker, from Neteyam's hands and held it out to the crowd, hushing them as he spoke, "You tell the tulkun that if they're hit with this, they're marked for death. And call for me, I'll silence it. Saving their lives, that's all that matters. Right? Saving your family."

Tonowari and Ronal exchange a silent conversation with their eyes alone, before turning to their people, "Tell the tulkun."

"Go. Go!"

The Metkayina scatter, and through the chaos, Tsireya turned to Y/n, eyes widening in a horrifying realization, "Lo'ak--"

"I know," determination fills Y/n's lungs as she grabbed Tsireya's arm and pulled her along, "Let's go."

The girls sprinted toward the docks, asking around for their friends as they went. Eventually, they spot two teenage boys. Not the ones Y/n was particularly looking for, but ones that Tsireya reached for in her panic, "Ao'nung, Rotxo, have you seen Lo'ak?"

"No." Rotxo paused, looking between the two girls, "What is going on?"

Y/n's walk begins to pick up, a scowl permanent on her face, "Take a guess."

She takes off down the walkways, heading toward the hut holding the ilu harnesses, not caring if the others followed her or not. Tsireya and Ao'nung take off after her with Rotxo in tow, all four of the teenagers making their way to the edge of the village. Y/n is the first one there and the first one to spot both of her brothers arguing until they spotted her.

"Lo'ak! 'Teyam!" She called out.

Lo'ak's head whipped around to spot her, Neteyam a little slower to react as Lo'ak begins to back away, pulling his arm out of his big brother's hold, "Get off me--"

Tsireya and the others catch up to Y/n and try to reach out, "Lo'ak!"

"Lo'ak!"

"Come back!"

He doesn't answer the reef girl or his brother and dives into the water below without another word, quickly disappearing into the deep with his ilu. Neteyam turned to the other teens, thumping Ao'nung's chest as he passed him, "Come on! He's going to Payakan!"

Neteyam claps his hands and makes various different calls to summon a ride of his own. The others call for nearby ilu, expertly diving into the water as they all follow suit, in sync and in formation like they have done in recent hunting parties. The ilu fly through the water, jumping out and back in through the waves, picking up speed and desperate to get to Lo'ak as he pushes through far ahead of them.

"Lo'ak! Come back!" Tsireya called up to him in between jumping up through the water before diving back down.

At one point, Kiri with Little Tuk had joined in the race as well, following after their friends and their siblings, confused by the urgency. Soon enough, the group was beyond the reef, close to Three Brothers Rocks when Lo'ak had eventually slowed his ilu, calling out for his Spirit Brother. Payakan had responded, though his calls were not one of joy or greeting. The poor tulkun sounded as though he was in pain. When Lo'ak asked what was wrong, the bull turned until the Na'vi boy noticed the bright red tracker piercing his flesh.

"Shit!" Lo'ak exclaimed while jumping onto Payakan's fin and then climbing onto his back, signing to his Spirit Brother to stay calm.

The rest of the group had caught up to Lo'ak and immediately clocked the situation, all eyes turning when they heard the sound of rotor blades. A demon ship was slowly coming out of hiding from behind the large rock cliffs peeking out of the sea, drifting over to the children and tulkun menacingly. Taking action, Neteyam and Y/n hop off their ilu and climb onto Payakan's back, lifting Tsireya and Ao'nung out of the water to help Lo'ak pull the tracker out of the injured tulkun. Everyone tried pushing and pulling the pinger out, together, with all their might as Lo'ak quickly called in their location to Jake. Neteyam eventually got an idea and used a rope to latch onto the saddle of his ilu, throwing the other end to Ao'nung after shouting his name so the reef boy could tie it to the embedded tracker. 

Ao'nung successfully knots the rope around the red pinger, encouraging Neteyam to pull, "Go, go, go!"

"Pull! Now!" Neteyam demands as he orders his ilu to swim, the strain of the rope tightening as the ilu struggles with all its might, flapping its fins in the water.

"Everybody! Together!"

"Pull!"

Rotxo and Lo'ak pull at the very end of the tracker, while Ao'nung tries pulling at the rope now attached to it. Tsireya tries pushing it out with her foot while Y/n takes both hands and grips tightly onto the base of the needle that stuck out of Payakan's flesh, pulling that with all her might. 

"Pull! Harder!"

"Pull!"

Y/n was the first to feel the tracker loosen and eventually, the pinger releases its grip on Payakan and the force of the rope threw all the teenagers into the water, each of them shouting in surprise as they splash into the sea.

"It's out! Kiri! It's out!"

"Go. Tuk, go!"

"Go! Everybody!"

"Go on, get out of here!"

They don't take time to revel in their small victory. Panicked on borrowed time, the kids immediately swim to their mounts and round each other up. Lo'ak instructs Payakan to dive and get as far away as possible while the others were screaming to one another to hurry up, the demon ship nearly upon them.

Chaos erupted after that. The children were forced to split up after Neteyam took the tracker to draw the Sky People away from the others. Depth charges were tossed into the water, exploding on impact and confusing the children, rattling their teeth and ringing their ears. Neteyam had a couple of close calls but was at least able to stay attached to his ilu as he ditched the tracker, letting it sink to the bottom of the reef. By the time he had lost the Sky People, he looked around and realized that he had been completely separated from his siblings.

Meanwhile, the other Sully children and the Metkayina trio were hiding underwater with their ilu among a forest of gigantic seaweed as they were being pursued by the Sky People's crab suits and submersibles. Weaving through the kelp and trying to keep a safe distance, the children urge their mounts to swim away, the sweet creatures clicking to one another in distress. 

At one point, Y/n loses sight of half of the group as she maneuvers her way through a thicket of seaweed while being pursued by a crab suit, long claws stretching out to try and grab her. She dodges and weaves expertly, her thighs clenching tightly around the saddle of her ilu with the muscle memory of an ikran rider. Her stomach clenches once and Y/n noted that she would need air soon after hiding down here and holding her breath for so long. She needed to lose the demon crab, the others were no longer her priority until she can shake her pursuer. Out of the corner of her eye, Y/n caught sight of another demon crab searching through the seaweed, unbeknownst to her presence. Thinking fast, she sharply turns her ilu and frantically swims over, the crab that had been chasing her still right on her tail. With speed and the element of surprise, Y/n ambushed the unsuspecting crab suit and swiftly swims over it, causing both crabs to crash into one another in pursuit of her. Y/n beams smugly while looking over her shoulder, happily watching the way the machines struggled and quickly forget about her before slowing her swim, looking around in search of the others.

She catches sight of Kiri and turns toward the direction she spotted her sister, ordering her ilu to leave after disconnecting her queue braid. Y/n followed Kiri after she noticed Rotxo and Ao'nung with her. The three others caught sight of Y/n and even look relieved, waving her over and signing for her to follow them for air. Ao'nung takes the lead, swimming ahead, without an ilu, as he finds an underwater pod, swimming up into the center of the blooming flower for a pocket of air. Rotxo has the Omatikaya girls swim ahead of him, letting them swim up after Ao'nung, who grabs Kiri's arm first to bring her up for air, then Y/n. All four teens gather snugly together in that small pocket of air, taking their breaths while Kiri looked around frantically.

"Where is Tuk? Did you see her?"

Y/n's eyes widen, "You mean she's not with you?"

"She had fallen off, but I don't think the Sky People noticed. They were too busy with us."

"I think we lost them," Ao'nung stated.

"What do we do?" Rotxo asked.

Kiri's pupils shrunk and grew rapidly through her panic, "We can't stay here. We gotta find the others. Any of you see Lo'ak and Tsireya?"

"No. It all happened so fast--"

"We find Tuk first," Y/n exclaims, ears pinned back and staring them all down with authority, "She's all alone, then we find the others."

"What about Mom and Dad?" Kiri questioned her older sister.

"Lo'ak called it in. They're on their way, likely with an army. 'Teyam drove the demon ship away, leaving us with whatever is left of their subs," her face suddenly splits with a twinkling, uplifting grin, "I already damaged two. You guys need to catch up."

Kiri rolled her eyes but let out a huff of air resembling a short bout of laughter, her adrenaline appreciating the small bit of humor Y/n tried to break through the tension. Looking around at the other three, Y/n raised her eyebrows, "We ready?"

Ao'nung nodded then turned to his friend, "Rotxo, you go first. I'll stay in the back, in case we need to grab them and swim out of there fast."

Kiri and Y/n exchange a look but say nothing, both internally shocked that Ao'nung didn't take the time to make a 'bad divers' comment while Rotxo just nods, "Right."

He takes a long, practiced breath and sinks back down into the water. Y/n expands her stomach as she takes a deep breath and holds it, following Rotxo as her arms and legs push and pull her through the water. Kiri is not far behind and Ao'nung follows suit, the teenagers carefully looking around, cautious for signs of danger. Rotxo led them all back the way they came in search of Tuk, but the longer they swam, the more things looked unfamiliar. He had turned to swim backward while signing to the others following closely behind him, 'We should have seen her by now.'

Y/n briefly grabs Kiri's shoulder before signing, 'No Sky People either. Maybe we should--'

Throat grunts echo behind her, Y/n's ears perking up at the sound as she spins around. Ao'nung was frantically clicking to grab their attention, pushing Kiri forward as he quickly motions, 'Demon!'

A small submersible appears from behind the large seaweed, bright searchlights blinding the Na'vi children as it spots them. Ao'nung continues to shove the girls forward until they pick up enough energy to swim away, trying to lose the sub around a large coral reef at the edge of the kelp forest. They swim close to the wall of the reef, all the while the sub maintained speed. In her determination to get away, Y/n lost sight of Kiri for a moment only to realize too late that her adopted sister had hung back. Y/n mewls deep in her throat as a way of screaming a warning, stopping and trying to turn around to go back for Kiri, but Ao'nung was suddenly there and he was using his powerful legs and tail to push Y/n in the opposite direction. Y/n tries to struggle but remembered to slow her heartbeat when she realized her thrashing was draining her of oxygen. Looking around for Kiri, all three turned back and notice the girl had attached her kuru braid to a nearby daisy anemone, watching the large plant-like sea creature move and grow out its long tentacle entrapments at her command. 

The submersible arrives and is unaware of the trap until Kiri uses both of her arms' movements to mimic a push as if she was forcing someone off of her. The command is clear as the anemone reaches out, grabbing hold of the sub and completely encasing it with its tentacles. Kiri then uses one arm to mimic smashing something to the side of her, then the anemone pulls the sub in, smashing it against the side of the reef, squeezing the sub until the glass shatters and collapses within itself. When the sky demons within the sub try escaping out the hatch, Kiri makes a motion mimicking the way she would squeeze fruit for a fun and juicy treat as a child, only she made this motion with a menacing glare. The tentacles completely surround the Sky People, swallowing them whole and squeezing them to death. Kiri lowers her arms, satisfied even as her tanhì flickers up and down her entire body.

Ao'nung and Rotxo look at each other, amazed, confused, and a little freaked out. Y/n was used to her sister's... strange abilities and instead tried focusing on holding her breath. She had been underwater for far too long. Ao'nung and Rotxo were just fine and Kiri was strangely accustomed to holding her breath just as long as a Metkayina could, even without training, leaving Y/n to be the only one who was starting to struggle. Her lungs and stomach clenched and constrict, begging for air. Y/n's hands rise to her mouth and nose, forcing them to stay closed as she tries not to panic and keep her heart steady. Black spots started to dot her vision when she looked up to the surface, catching the sun rays peeking through the water.

Y/n grunts deep in her throat to get the others' attention. Kiri and the boys all turn and she frantically signed, 'Need to breathe.'

Kiri swims forward, gesturing with her hands, 'We can't wait for it to be safe. Need to go up.'

Ao'nung and Rotxo move then, taking Kiri's orders when she told them to bring Y/n up to the surface, 'I'll be right behind you.'

Ao'nung took one of Y/n's arms and Rotxo took the other. Together they use their speed to swim the forest girl up to the surface. The moment she felt air on her face, Y/n gasped for breath, sputtering and coughing with whatever water she had accidentally inhaled. Rotxo had let go of Y/n's arm and Kiri emerged, taking deep, more steady breaths. If she had taken the time to notice through her panicked breathing, Y/n would have noted the firm hold Ao'nung still had on her other arm.

The teens form a circle as they breathe but are not spared a moment of peace. The silence should have been a warning before an ikran, armed in Sky People gear and sporting a Recom for its rider, swooped down out of nowhere, wrapping its talons around Kiri's arms and plucking her out of the water like she weighed nothing. 

Kiri screamed, kicking the air as she struggled, "LET ME GO! NO! SISTER, HELP!"

"KIRI!" Y/n screams, staring up and watching in horror as the ikran takes her sister away. Once she realized the banshee was taking Kiri to the demon ship, Y/n immediately began to swim. Her limbs, however, protested. Her arms were heavy and her lungs spasmed, everything begging her to rest even through her determination to go after her sister.

"No!" Ao'nung grips Y/n's elbow a little tighter. She spun back to hiss at him, but noticed the way his entire hand was able to wrap around her whole arm and found it pointless as he continued, "You'll be faster on your ikran. Let's go home and bring back reinforcements."

"No, no, no, I can't. I have to find Tuk!" Y/n exclaims, now allowing her panic to sink in at the idea of all of her siblings separated from one another, "I have to get Kiri back and find Tuk! I have to find Lo'ak and Neteyam--"

"Y/n." She paused at the sound of her name, turning back to the reef boy holding her. Ao'nung makes sure she's looking him in the eyes as he nods encouragingly, "They'll be fine. Look."

He turns his head and Y/n follows his gaze, her yellow eyes widening by what she saw. Fire, for one, lining along the ocean's surface, and a battlefield between the Na'vi and the Sky People. Boats and gunfire ring out against tsurak and Metkayina spears. It was an all-out war, and Y/n couldn't find herself looking away from it.

Ao'nung does, however. Moving his hand up from her elbow to grab her shoulder instead, pulling her gaze back to him, "Our fathers are driving them back. We can use this to buy time to get whoever is left at the village. Come on, Forest Girl. You need your ikran."

He knew -and she did, too- that Y/n stood a better fighting chance in her element, upon her own mount and using her own weapons. Even so, her stomach drops, dread filling her heart at the idea of her brothers and sisters among all that death and destruction. She wasn't sure if she had the willpower to run back now, and somehow, she managed to say it with her eyes alone without ever speaking a word.

And somehow, Ao'nung heard her. She watches his eyes as he reads something written on her face before a decision was made. Ao'nung expression of reassurance melts into something determined, nodding sternly at her as he calls and clicks with his tongue, summoning an ilu.

Rotxo does the same, confused and unsure what decision had been made, and two ilu emerge from the depths. Without a word, the boys climb onto the backs and Ao'nung drags an exhausted Y/n to sit behind him, making sure her hands were secure around his waist before internally ordering the ilu to dive. Y/n hangs on for dear life, taking another deep breath as they submerge underwater. She pressed her whole front against Ao'nung, afraid that she wouldn't have the strength to hold on otherwise, and the warmth radiating along his back was the smallest bit of reassurance she didn't realize she needed.

The swim back to Awa'atlu was longer than she remembered. Eventually, she had to pat Ao'nung's stomach to let him know she needed air. They resurface just outside the large atoll seawall. Without even looking for the village beyond the wall, Y/n remembered to breathe and her first exhale was a shout. She mimicked a bird call, shouting at the top of her lungs as she, Ao'nung, and Rotxo swim through the tunnels of the weaving atoll. Y/n kept yipping and calling out until finally she received an answer. A screech rings out and slowly a large form flies over the treetops behind the Metkayina village, flying over open water and toward the teenagers. 

Hope floods Y/n's chest at the sight of her loyal friend flying toward her. She smiles briefly, sitting up straighter in the ilu saddle as she squeezes Ao'nung's shoulder, "Don't wait up for me, Seaweed Brain."

Ao'nung smirked at her from over his shoulder, "Honestly, Forest Girl? That's all you have to say? Why not 'Thank you, Ao'nung' or 'Be safe, Ao'nung'?"

"Who's Ao'nung?" She grinned back as the shadow of her ikran looms overhead, "I only see you."

Both of them had frozen at her words, eyes widening at one another, the only sound between them being the squeaking ilu, clapping its fins in response to whatever emotions were going through the bond between the creature and Ao'nung. Thankfully, Y/n didn't have to backtrack or rephrase her words as her ikran decided to drop in at the perfect time. Talons out as she dove forward, the ikran screeches again, breaking the awkward air around the teens. The spell breaks and Y/n looks up, holding her hand out just in time as she grabs hold of her banshee's open talon. The ikran bats her wings as hard as she could, banking up high in the air and completely pulling Y/n out of the water. Ao'nung and Rotxo watch the display in amazement, necks craning up with eyes wide and jaws dropped. Y/n pulls herself up and climbs onto the back of her mount, finding her ionar in its respectful saddle pouch and slipping them over her eyes before completing the tsaheylu. 

"Good timing, Evi," Y/n whispered to her ikran, patting the mighty beast's neck, "Thank you."

~~~~~~~~~

The sky was dark as eclipse rolls around, the fires from prior explosives the only thing lighting up the war zone. It was like a waking nightmare for Jake Sully, watching a small group of teenagers come rolling onto the shore of the rock face he had landed on. Quickly, he noticed something was wrong, running over as Lo'ak waved him down.

"Dad! Dad, help! It's Neteyam!"

Tsireya briefly closes her eyes as a harsh wave smacks her in the face, ears drooping when listening to the sounds of Neteyam's coughs. He was weak, short of breath even through her lessons on how he could take large gulps of air for deep diving. It scared her, "Hurry!"

Lo'ak peers back at his brother before sinking into the water, dismounting his ilu and handing his brother to Tsireya, "Here, take him!"

"Oh, no," Jake gasped as he took in the horrific sight of the half-drowned kids trying to pull his wounded firstborn to shore, blood pouring from his chest like the water he was floating in.

Lo'ak keeps repeating the same words through his fear, "It's Neteyam! He's hurt!"

Spider, the only human among them, reaches out for Toruk Makto's arm as he grasps Neteyam's body, "Jake, come on! Come on!"

"Hurry, please!" Lo'ak begs.

Jake finally snaps out of his daze and grabs Spider's arm, trying to help drag all the connected teenagers to shore, "Pull!"

"Bro, watch his head, watch his head!" Lo'ak instructs Spider, panic set in as he watches Neteyam's eyes begin to roll back, the older boy still coughing and otherwise unaware of his surroundings. 

"Pull! Come on!" Jake grunts, finally managing to get all the kids out of the water. He grabs Neteyam's torso, lifting him in the air while Lo'ak and Spider have his sides and Tsireya has his legs. Jake has them bring Neteyam to more solid ground before lowering him, "Just watch his head. Okay--" 

Neteyam shallowly breathes, unable to suck in more air as Lo'ak grasps one of his hands, squeezing hard in comfort, "It's okay, bro. We got you."

Jake pushes Neteyam onto his side, immediately clocking the exit wound bleeding profusely with the help of Spider's flashlight, "Oh, no," looking around, frantic, he instead grabs Lo'ak's hands and presses it harshly against Neteyam's bleeding chest, "Put pressure-- put pressure on it!" 

Neteyam stifles a grunt at the pressure against his chest, trying to get a word out, "Dad, I--"

"It's okay, I'm here!"

Neytiri lands her ikran when she spotted a few members of her family, barely pulling her braid from her mount before running over to the scene, muttering in fear and denial, "No, no, no, no, no!"

"It's okay. It's okay, son, I gotcha." Jake comforted.

Lo'ak tries the same, "It's okay..."

"Dad, where's Y/n?" Neteyam's eyes wildly looked around, unfocused and frightened.

"I don't-- I-- I don't--"

"Where's Y/n?"

"We'll find her, son, we'll find her--"

"--Is she alright?"

It was like his son couldn't hear him, the shock setting Neteyam into panic mode as Jake tries to firmly reassure him, "Neteyam--"

"Is she alright?"

"She's gonna be fine, boy. She'll be here soon."

"More... Tell her-- tell her-- 'find more.'"

"Alright, alright, I will."

Neteyam briefly looked relieved before tears started to brim in his eyes. Just this once, he allows himself to be a little boy again, tearful and sad, "I want to go home..." he grunts out before gasping rapidly, the words exhausting him.

Jake's voice quivers, holding his son's shoulder, "I know. I know. It's okay, we're goin' home. We're goin' home." 

He softens his voice, pushing the desperation away to try and calm his son, as if he was still an infant he was soothing to sleep, "We're going home. It's okay, it's okay."

"Dad, I..."

~~~~~~~~~

The battle was already starting to disperse when Y/n finally arrived, flying in on her ikran. She had spotted a few stranded Sky People and made quick work of them before they got any ideas, taking her bow and arrows from their places attached to Evi's saddle. Like her mother, Y/n didn't miss and continued onward without ever even watching the bodies drop.

It was almost too quiet for her liking, with only the beat of an ikran's wings to keep her company. Searching around and wishing she had a throat mic to contact her family for their location, Y/n's heart sank when she couldn't find the demon ship, wondering if it had left or if something worse had happened to it. Did it sink? If it sank, then they won. But where was Kiri if she was meant to be on that ship? Where are Tuk and Y/n's brothers? Where are her parents?

Her questions are answered when a geyser sprays out of the water, rocketing almost high enough to hit Y/n. Evi squawks as she evades the water spray and Y/n looks down, spotting Payakan below, unharmed. Flying like a vulture in circles so she can get a better look at the tulkun, Y/n's eyes squint as she catches sight of a small ring of blue bodies, drifting over the top of Payakan's only pectoral fin. Gasping in shock, Y/n orders her ikran to dive, pulling her smaller body closer to Evi's as they fall. Once close enough to the water, Y/n suddenly asks Evi to pull up, and as the ikran lifts its wings to catch the air and slow her descent, Y/n holds her breath and breaks her bond with her banshee, diving into the water. She immediately swims back up to the surface and paddles over to the tulkun, where she had seen the group of blue bodies.

"MOM! DAD!"

Jake's ears perk up as he pulls away from the family embrace, and hurriedly looks around until he spots a familiar figure in the water. He wheezes in pain because of his injuries, but he lifts his arm and frantically waves, "Y/n!"

Neytiri follows her mate's gaze and nearly sobs in relief, crying and smiling all at once, "Y/n, matxe'lan! Matxe'lan!"

Lo'ak, Kiri, and Tuk also chime in, relieved and excited to see their big sister, alive and well, "Y/n!"

"Y/N!"

"Sister!"

Y/n is crying and shaking in relief as she finally reaches her family, both her mother and father pulling her up onto Payakan's fin when she couldn't find the strength to do it herself. The parents nestled their oldest daughter between them, each embracing her one at a time and surrounding her in their hugs, Neytiri even going as far as to kiss all over Y/n's face.

Jake is almost beside himself, hushed exhales escaping him as he settles his cheek over the top of Y/n's head and closes his eyes in relief, "You're okay. You're okay, sweetheart."

For a moment, she revels in the peace and her parents' embrace before looking around, inspecting each of her siblings' faces before she took a head count in her mind. She pulls away to look at her mother's face, "Where-- Where's Neteyam?"

Immediately, Neytiri's face falls, and unshed tears quickly form in her aging eyes. Her hand reaches up to cup Y/n's face while looking each of her daughters in the eyes, "Y/n... my girls... something happened."

~~~~~~~~~

Payakan brings all of them to the flat rock faces sticking out of the ocean, forming small islands of their own in the middle of the empty war zone. The Sully family slowly and painfully drag themselves to shore and Lo'ak thanks Payakan before the tulkun leaves. Y/n catches her breath and looks around, finding Tonowari and Ronal, standing off to the side, holding Ao'nung and a sobbing Tsireya in their arms. Lo'ak calls out the reef girl's name and Tsireya starts a new round of crying as she broke away from her parents to embrace him. Ao'nung briefly looks up when the Sullys arrived and locked eyes with Y/n, and to her sinking horror, he looked at her with pity and sorrow. 

She soon found out why when the sound of Tuk's crying rang in her ears. Y/n spun around, ready to defend her baby sister, until she realized that there was no danger. Tuk was crying over a body, holding its arm to her little chest and hand to her face, sobbing. Neytiri blocked Y/n's view as she knelt on the other side of the body, picking it up and holding the head close to her chest. Y/n looks around and catches Jake's eyes as he looked at her expectedly, waiting for her reaction with broken eyes and tear tracks running down his aging face.

Y/n begins to catch on to what was happening, but the words that fled her mouth were ones of denial, "No... no no nononono."

She stomps over to her family, kneeling down around the legs of the body as she frantically looks around, "What's wrong with Neteyam? Mama, don't just stand there! What's wrong with him?! Someone help him! Help him!"

"Maite..."

"Don't!" She pushes Neytiri away and hovers over the body, kneeling down to it opposite Tuk. She finally allows herself to stare at her twin brother's face, and she's haunted by those unblinking eyes, unfocused and staring off at a place they couldn't see anymore. Panicked, Y/n roughly grabs Neteyam's jaw and tries tilting his head around to make him look at her, "'Teyam. 'Teyam? Wake up. You're okay, you're okay, you're okay..."

She is met with silence, and that almost rings louder in her ears than the sound of a roaring waterfall. His eyes still don't blink and his mouth never moves. Y/n, from that day forward, wished she had never looked down, because all the blood was permanently sewn into her memory and purged her nightmares. 

One look at the gunshot puncturing her twin brother's chest, Y/n became a madwoman, roughly grabbing onto Neteyam's shoulders, "TSMUKAN! ZA'U NE'ÌM TSONTA, RUTXE! RUTXE!"

The noise that escapes her lungs is unlike any sound ever heard on Pandora. It pierces the air, shattered and broken like glass to the point where it had to hurt her throat. Tuk was completely terrified, scared to see her oldest sister lose her cool and continue crowing and sobbing like a feral, wounded creature. It was heartwrenching to listen to, and even worse to watch.

Y/n rocked herself back and forth as she sobbed uncontrollably, trying to find the smallest bit of comfort as she held her other half in her arms. Neytiri tried to be her comfort, even through her own shattered cries. Neytiri knelt on the other side of Neteyam's body, holding his shoulder in one hand and Y/n's in the other. The twins, neither living nor dead, noticed or even acknowledged their mother's touch.

"NETEYAM!"

Y/n's last words to Neteyam are roughly translated to: "BROTHER! COME BACK TO ME, PLEASE! PLEASE!"

A/N: So... uh... did I not mention that I write heavy angst? I think I should've put that in my resume. I have several blogs for several fandoms, and if you asked my followers anywhere else, they'll tell you I write angst on purpose. I write angst to make them suffer. Their tears keep me young forever.

Although I can't say this was written without any of my own tears being shed. That would be a lie. I swear I was bawling my eyes while watching the death scene happen (for the dozenth time, I'll be honest) and writing it out. No movie has ever pulled tears from me after I've already watched it several times, which is why I admire Zoe's acting for shattering my heart every time Neytiri screams and cries over her dead child.

But, look at that! Y/n's ikran has a name! It's Evi, derived from the Na'vi word 'evi, which is an affectionate word for 'kid'. That's something light-hearted and cute, right??? Right??? Ha ha, please don't kill me.

Anyway, I promise that this is only the beginning of the series and I hope the rest of it helps you heal from this loss like I know Y/n will likely learn to heal in time 😇 I honestly believe this will help me recover from Neteyam by writing about my characters' own healing journeys.

[laurzvahll]

8, 9, and 15 for the self insert ask meme?

hihiii thank you for the ask!! this batch was kind of fun to do (warning this one might get long)

8. what is your self insert’s orientation?

Truth be told, Sol has a bit of a hard time with labels, or at least used to. It took them a good while to be comfortable in their identity, and a lot of the time they put off even thinking about it due to feeling like they already had so much on their plate LOL. For orientation, they’d never felt connected to any label like bisexual or pansexual and etc. They identified as different ones growing up but now as an adult, they don’t really care I guess you could say, and they’re much happier just calling themselves Queer. Sol likes who they like, no matter the gender and that’s just how it is :3. And they are also Ace, which took them way longer to figure out, but they feel really content in that aspect of their identity.

For gender identity which I felt is also important to mention.. If they were a char in the show I’d want their gender to be like part of this fun bit where it’s never confirmed or anything and so a lot of the other characters often have this moment where they wonder… is that a pretty guy or a handsome girl? Yk, being confusing for funnies, but they just “are”. Like they aren’t a gender, they’re just Sol LMFAOO. And in the non gag anime way, their gender identity is a little more complicated. To strangers and the public eye, they’re comfortable with being seen as a man , even tho though don’t feel like one or identify as one, at least not fully. It’ll always be confusing for them, maybe never fully clear, but as long as they’re happy and comfortable presenting in whatever way they want, the label doesn’t really matter to them in the long run.. so Non binary is what feels right for now. (Fun Sol fact.. they’ve also had top surgery!)

9. who are your self insert’s closest friends?

I lovee this question.. I’ve mentioned them before, but in Sols story their closest friends before they grow close with karamatsu and later the res of the matsunos, their closest friends are Beck and Mimi :D my friends ocs!

I had to draw them for this one bc I love them so much. Sol meets Mimi at their convenience store job almost immediately after moving to Japan, and spending almost every day together leads to them quickly clicking and becoming friends, soon beginning to hang out outside of work … and becoming even closer when Sol confides in Mimi about their whole situation with their new painful blue friend that starts slowly snowballing into something bigger…. It takes a little while longer for Sol to become friends with Beck, since Beck actually meets Mimi first through his new friend Jyushimatsu, who is also friends with Mimi! Along with Ichimatsu and Todomatsu :P my friend Otter only recently made Beck so there’s stuff we’re still figuring out story wise, but rest assured they all get into silly antics together and get to hear Sol ramble on and on while they yell at them to open their eyes and accept there’s something that changed and is definitely going on with them and their friend.. I have this really funny lore bit with Mimi and the three youngest matsus that want to post about sometime soon.. but we shall see

Last but not least, 15. how does your self insert play a role in the plot of the story? do they help directly defeat the villain, support the heroes, etc.?

Sol was never meant to play any sort of role in the story, and I’d still say that they barely add anything to canon at all.. but im not sure how to explain. Sol was always meant to be a background character, but like in a literal sense. Show wise. They weren’t supposed to have a name, or friends or a past, they were just supposed to exist in the background and appear every once in a while. Even after they arrived in Japan. That was until they met the sextuplets, and it’s like they were suddenly aware. Like those silly posts you see about people talking about when they gain consciousness LOL, but literally. They were sort of shoved into this whole new world with new BIG overwhelming feelings and memories, almost as if a life had materialized from thin air, and one that had not treated them kindly in the past.

They still don’t play any sort of role in the canon universe, but something definitely changed. A change that they were not ready for, but became grateful for.. in the long run.

[drdemonprince]

Interesting to read yer response to that last ask about yer history exploring gender + transitioning. I guess it’s p relatable to me even tho I think we feel somewhat differently about our own gender. I’ve always felt a very strong internal sense of gender, it’s quite clear to me and it’s definitely not neutral, it’s quite intense. I’ve identified as nonbinary for a long time. But I’ve found the closer I’ve gotten to being in touch with it, the more confused and unwelcoming the rest of the world has become. So I spend all this time thinking about how im perceived and how to navigate that and balancing what I internally want vs trying to manage reactions to me. This is where I see our similarities. It’s gotten especially bad recently as I’ve felt a new connection to manhood and I’ve wanted to explore that but I’ve felt the backlash way stronger cause I feel like people feel much more confident to tell me that I’m failing being a man than being nonbinary. So it’s getting to the point of like, what even is being a man. (Feels like failure is a pretty core aspect of it lol) Like you talk about making these choices to join queer men’s space, which is where I’d feel the most connected to manhood, but I feel like I’d have to make pretty big changes to how I move through the world gender wise to be even allowed or welcomed there. I don’t feel an apathy like you describe, but I can totally see how this constant weighing of expressing yerself vs being seen how you want would end up in apathy

I don't know your situation, but I'd give those queer men's spaces a shot. A lot of them are far less transphobic than you've been conditioned to think. There are trans men in the queer men's spaces around you, there are people who are read as cis gay men who are themselves very much not so, everybody's fucking pansexual and nonbinary these days it's fucking crazy dog. besides, what transphobic bias does exist against trans mascs in men's spaces is so fuckin mild compared to what trans women typically confront in wlw spaces. the worst i've ever had happen to me was someone befriend me on the dancefloor and then helpfully recommend that we all head to a lesbian bar. and he wasn't even being insincere, he just didnt know what kind of person he was talking to. beyond that it's been like a total nonissue even long before i passed. so you should give it a shot, you will learn more about yourself and other people from it. and it has generally for me been pretty positive!

the problem is. finding acceptance into the little gendered club meant there was still a whole lot of Gender there. and i'm so sick of it. this is also an asexuality thing for me too. im so fed up of people being into my body or my appearance. im so sick of the obsession with bodies and appearances and the gendered projections made onto those things. it grosses me out so much. i just feel like putty that everybody's hands have been all over. im so sick of people trying to leave their mark on me.

[etherealspacejelly]

Hey dad,

Are you out to your parents? I can never come out to mine, which creates a lot of questioning for my future.

If you are, how did you do it (I’m presuming you have parents)?

Thanks from a closeted new follower of your brilliant posts :)

I am out to my parents! I came out about 5 years ago now, it was my anniversary recently actually!

i came out to my dad first. i was going to his house for a different reason, but i decided to do it then because. idk. i just felt ready i guess. i sat down with him and he could tell something was up, so he asked me if there was anything i wanted to talk about and i said yes. and i told him i was nonbinary and aroace, and that i wanted to use they/them pronouns and go by a shortened version of my birth name (this was before i had decided on robin and he/they). he asked me what those things meant, with genuine curiosity because he hadnt heard of them before, so i explained it to him and he said ok! thats fine. and he said he loved me and supported me no matter what, and that it would be a bit hypocritical for him not to since he is queer himself (which i was not aware of at the time! he just assumed i knew??? hes pansexual lmao)

he did a bunch of research in his own time, watching videos by nonbinary youtubers and stuff like that. he learned how important it is for parents to facilitate social transition, so he took me to get my first gender affirming haircut a few weeks later. he also bought me my first binder, and took me shopping in the mens section for the first time. he also took me to my first pride that year! he has remained super supportive, calling me his son at work, greeting me with "hey my boy!" every time he sees me or calls me on the phone, has barely ever slipped up on my pronouns. basically, my dads a fucking legend lmao

i think a few weeks to a couple months after i told my dad, i came out to my mum. that went. not great. she was like. ok. and immediately went back to her phone. my heart just sank. she still gets my pronouns wrong 5 years later, she says often that i will always be her daughter. she even said that trans people are just mentally ill. she loves jkr and often uses terf talking points. but, she Says she supports me and isnt transphobic, and she Tries to use my pronouns so. yk. that makes everything ok /s

she also thinks that ill change my mind about being aroace when i find 'the right person'. i never told her about the queer platonic relationship i was in because i knew she would just use that against me. i had an entire year long relationship, and to this day she has no idea.

the thing is, my mum had always been a self professed supporter of the lgbtq. when i was a kid it was always "when you grow up and get a boyfriend or girlfriend" or "when you get married to your husband or wife", so i thought it would be a slam dunk. i thought, theres no way she wont accept me. but here we are. meanwhile, i had been quite nervous about telling my dad! i didnt know how he was going to react.

so, you never really know how these things will go. this isnt me telling you to come out, by the way! if you feel unsafe or unready then please dont. do whats right for you first and foremost. but, sometimes people will surprise you i guess, and not always for the better.

you will find your people. family is about unconditional love and acceptance, and if your parents arent providing that for you then they're not doing their damn jobs properly.

im always here if you need a dad, it would be my honour.

I love you, and I'm proud of you, kiddo :)

[catboyclarity]

feel free to ignore if this is too personal of a question but

what is the structure of your relationship with your fiance like? Im demiro and i romantically love with someone who thinks they might be aro, so i guess i just want to learn about other relationship types and structures, to see if something could work out for me. and i figured id ask you what its like since youre aro and getting married.

I’m alright answering this and I do appreciate you considering me for guidance on the subject. Putting the rest under a cut for Long.

For context, I id as aromantic/greyromantic (I do not and have not experienced romantic attraction. At all. Ever. But I like relationships.) pansexual, and Alek, my fiancé IDs as gay and asexual. It has never bothered me that Alek is not sexually attracted to me and vice versa it does not bother Alek that I am not romantically attracted to them. The relationships terms are not really defined very much differently than what you’d picture for a typical romantic relationship, partly because I didn’t realize the aro thing until I’d been with Alek for many years.

However that does not mean I navigate/view the relationship the same way an alloromantic person would: the best example of this is like. So I view the "romantic trappings" of the relationship, things like cuddling, kissing, romantic language as essentially fun extras. To me the point of being in a relationship was to get to hang out with your most favorite friend (my first """"""romantic crush""""""" in high school came from me going "i like him a lot. i want to talk to him all the time. it kind of feels like I want him to be my best friend? but i already have a best friend. i must have romantic feelings for him.") all of the time. I did not realize that many people--including Alek!--do need those things to feel truly part of a relationship, and don't just view it as side quests or Sexy Roleplay.

This meant that at one point Alek had to specifically be like "I am your boyfriend. I want you to kiss me and be loving with me." which like. generally alloromantic people do not need to be told this because for them a major part of wanting to be in a relationship is feeling the drive to do that stuff with a specific person, as I have come to slowly, tediously understand over the course of years. There's other things like this from us on both sides, but what it really all comes down to is we both need to do a lot of extra communication on stuff that I think in other relationships would be basically understood.

And while the extra work is at times frustrating and at times we have hurt each other, we don't mind it because ultimately, what matters to me and what matters to Alek is that we get to BE WITH each other in any capacity. I'm fine with the relationship being defined as romantic: I would be fine with the relationship if it was defined as queerplatonic: I would be fine with the relationship if it was defined as "best friends who make out and go to the grocery store together": at this point I trust Alek enough that I'd be fine if the relationship wasn't defined at all.

I think what matters for you here, is what you want and what the person you love wants. Do they want to BE WITH you? Do you want to BE WITH them? If so, what do both of you need to feel comfortable and fulfilled? The only people who can answer these questions are the two of you, together, but I hope what I've said can shine some light on things.

[seoafin]

i’m gonna be a nasty lil nerd and geek out about the fic okay i’m on vacation rn n i feared if i left it for when i came back home i would forget. SO ur insane actually sooooooo crazy for writing that like i’m willling to check u into a mental hospital for putting me through all of that. (it was amazing please never stop) can i tell u my lil ripmc headcannon it doesn’t have to be true and please feel free to ignore if u hate it but i kinda hc that she can read a cursed objected history or take important information from it. i’m unaware if you’ve delved deeper into her techinque ik she uses the katana n idk i think it would be kinda cool if she realized that technique n decided to get proficient with the katana maybe as a way to raise her value as a sorcerer in the eyes of the higher ups n fight curses with the collected information she learned from them in her fighting style with her katana! sorry if like hc stuff about ur if’s is annoying and please feel free to ignore i just thought it’d be kinda cool! like making her super powered up i feel like would clash a bit with geto n gojo but making her just interesting enough a nice puzzle piece to fit in between them she’s capable of understanding an objects entire history but incapable of reading between the lines that her two best friends wanna do the nasty. also i love love love the way you’ve written ripmc n her view in love and relationships i relate so much to it. i’ve tried verbalizing it to myself but end confusing myself even more and i just really loved the simple way in which you explained that she simply loves geto gojo n shoko n all the kids of course. like i have some trouble dissecting the difference between romantic love and platonic love but i just know i have so much of it to give even tho i don’t see love as a huge huge part of my life? we’re u interested in writing ripmc with any hints of aromance or pansexuality in the mind? idk just so cool all around!!!! also the first chapter with her and geto cooking was so fucking wrenching because u do so well the thing where they look at her and they’re clearly mad and they know they’re mad and she’s just apologetic for existing n they’re just fed up and there’s so much unsaid in the quiet of it all n in between all those stolen glances it makes me wanna rip my heart into two. ALSO just the way you wrote rip mc with geto cooking n then gojo n her touching like i feel like you incorporated their love languages so beautifully woah man woahhh. last thing loved the guilt tripping from the children it was awesome i felt like an absentee father who didn’t go see her childrens recital or smt 10/10 recommend. ALSO ALSO megumi is sooooooo possesive of ripmc he is such an adorable lil jealous brat i love how it makes gojo spiral n wish he could revert back in age so he could cuddle up to her and hold her hand ughhhhh🤯

ahhhhhh!!! you can honestly project and imagine whatever you want onto rip!mc she's meant to be written that way!!! but yes haha if you know me then you probably im a very big proponent of having platonic and romantic love overlap. to me there's no clear boundary that marks romantic from platonic vice versa and i don't really think it's something to be necessarily distinguished as different. love is love you know. but also imo our western constructs of romantic love vs platonic love works to our detriment. it places too much of a heavy burden on a partner to fulfill all your emotional needs and emphasizes romantic fulfillment over platonic fulfillment when ideally you should have both! anyway I went off on a tangent lmfao. In the end love is love and rip!mc sees that. no matter how many people you love or how you love. I am sooo looking forward to actually writing mimiko and nanako past a few lines. I know I mainly focus on megumi but all the kids are very precious!!! as I said before you can definitely read rip!mc as pansexual/aromantic (which other ppl have also hc'd her) thank you for reading I'm glad you enjoyed it!!!

[problematicattraction]

Curious about your opinions on paraphilias vs sexuality?

I know you said you wouldn’t go on a rant lol but I’m personally interested, especially since I’m of the opinion that there can be no difference between non-disorders paras and kinks/fetishes (if there is a difference or not is very subjective)

Maybe I should've added a tone tag! I meant it in a silly and sort of sarcastic way, like, oh I TOTALLY won't go on a rant *wink wink*(I'm still getting used to being human, pardon me.)

Btw this is less about differences and more about like, how they intertwine and overlap, idk why I put differences in the post, but this rant is kinda like, how paraphilias can become sexualities or influence sexualities. Also this is just my personal opinion based on some things in my system. okay thank you anyways

Okay so let's start of discussing paraphilias. Im a paraphile myself, along with being queer (pansexual, demisexual, demiromantic, so forth), and I've noticed a very big overlapping of my paraphilias and my sexuality, and I've discussed this with other alters of my system and I've noticed there are different intensities of this. Like, my sexuality only exists when I am with the people of my paraphilia, meaning my sexuality doesn't exist without my paraphilia, and that's not to say "Oh if I didn't have a para, I'd be straight", I mean, I wouldn't be anything. At all. I'd have no attraction. I think I'd still date people but without my current partners, who are tied to my paraphilia / the objects of my attraction, I'd never be content with it. I'd never be happy with someone, even if I dated to try and feel happy, no matter the gender, I just couldn't feel it. But with my partners, I have ones of all genders, thus making me pan. You know?

Some of my alters expressed this too, I'll take one of my most recent, who I'll call Danielle bc that's similar to her name, and explain her opinion. So she's Dreamsexual, not the sleep one but the MCYT one, and that might've started as a paraphilia, but she just, doesn't have a sexuality besides that. She's not pan, or bi, or lesbian, or gay, she's just Dreamsexual, this IS her sexuality. It's not just a paraphilia (which is what some people have told her.)

Or Ikar, whose generally MCYTsexual (coining coming soon lol) / DSMPsexual (also coming soon) and he's attracted to certain genders within those boundaries but not outside of them, he just, can't do it.

I have some who are lesbian because of their paraphilias. Like, some have paraphilias specifically for pink fabrics, and associate those fabrics with feminity, which makes them attracted to all people who are feminine or wearing pink, and some who are attracted to female dolls specifically due to a paraphilia making them lesbian.

I just see that paraphilias and sexualities tend to overlap, at least for us, and I want to normalize "weird" or "odd" sexualities because their valid and deserve love. Does that make sense?

I'm also personally someone who prefers "-sexual" over "-philia" because I just feel more comfortable with it being my sexuality. Of course, I love all paraphiles and those who prefer to use paraphilia over sexuality, that's valid, but in my opinion it just feels nicer and makes me feel better, I haven't met anyone else like that though I don't think

[sleepymccoy]

I agree that talking about what terfs did to turn bisexuals against pansexuals is important, but that post by jwjdhdjsksks is literally just panphobic bullshit without any of the discussion you mentioned in your tags and comes off as... endorsement? I've identified as pansexual for over a decade now. I've literally never thought bisexuality excluded trans people, it just didn't fit me.

I don't agree that post was talking about turning bisexuals against pansexuals. On the most basic level it reads as how pansexuals attacked the bisexual community (and, just to be super clear, I think that's a load of bullshit). But I actually read it as describing how terfs used the pansexual identity as a weapon. I also don't believe bisexuals have been turned against pansexuals, unless they've been tricked by clever little twists of terf rhetoric

I'm sorry if you thought I was endorsing the opinion in the post, I wasn't and I don't, and I thought that expressing in my tags that the argument in the post has massive terf vibes that hadn't been mentioned would be sufficient for that. Especially given how entirely non-exclusionist an attitude I regularly blog with

Looking back at the post, yeah I could be clearer in my tags that I disagree. And imma add a tag in to clear that up in case someone else misreads. I hope you're well x

[batmanisagatewaydrug]

been seeing people use “queer” to mean “same gender attracted” lately, resulting in phrases like “we’re here to support trans and queer students” (from my university’s “lgbtqia resource center”). i think this is worrying (undermining queer solidarity) and frustrating (as a genderqueer in whom gayness and gender variance are one and the same). do you reckon im overreacting? sorry for coming to you for non-sex-advice, just don’t have any other non-baby-gay queers to ask for a vibe check here

ah hey what's up beloved baby gay, happy to be your somewhat-more-experienced queer! especially happy to be coming at you hot as someone who also works in an LGBTQ resource center!

I would say this is a case of "no one's the asshole here" - the folks working in your resource center are almost certainly not deliberately trying to undermine efforts toward solidarity, and your concerns are very understandable. no buts, they're both true.

having said that, we both know why you feel the way you feel, so let's talk a little bit about what might be going on with your resource center:

finding the right terminology to talk about our community can be difficult - especially when you're visible in a role that requires you to be your job's spokesperson for the entire community. it comes with a lot of pressure to use language that's all-inclusive to people in the know but also understandable for those who aren't - and that includes people who are new to the community and haven't picked up all the nuances yet, not just the dread cishets. in my work I've run into tentatively out pansexuals who aren't quite sure what being trans means and nonbinary people baffled by terms like "deadname" - and we have to account for these people as much as members of the community who are already up to their eyes in the discourse du jour and reading Judith Butler for fun.

trying to bridge every possible linguistic gap can be tricky, and it can ABSOLUTELY result in some clunky language that may work just fine for somebody and feel Deeply Off to someone else. I can absolutely see how someone might, for instance, decide that "queer and trans" is the terminology to go with in the name of making ear that they serve trans students, because that's a question that comes up sometimes! (similarly, I've had very worried ace students ask if my office is for them because we formed before the A was commonly added to the acronym and don't have it in our name.) on the other hand, I hear the word 'queer and trans" and hear a redundancy, since "queer", obviously covers "trans." it's messy!

I don't know how your university works and I can't say whether or not every student resources center is as friendly as mine, but if you're worried about it I would really sincerely recommend reaching out and opening a dialogue about this with someone working there. you're part of the community they're meant to serve, and if you have worries it's good for them to know 💜

[izzyliker]

hey - this is one of the mods of the bi jon project. we don't actually dislike or disagree with pan jon at all, we just want to make a project focused on and celebrating bisexuality. our carrd is a bit rambling, but frankly we were trying our best/overcompensating to try and make sure people didn't misunderstand us and do - well, this. our intentions are good, and it's really kind of disenheartening to see all the hate we've gotten for what was meant to be a positive project. (1)

you're under no obligation to answer these, but i saw some of your posts in the tag and felt like reaching out because you did give us even the tiniest bit of slack in good faith. honestly, if you have any advice about what in our carrd is so overwhelmingly bad, we'd be happy to hear it. we've been trying to respond to the overwhelming amount of criticism we've got in a positive way, and take peoples' suggestions. (2)

as for why 'no anti-antis' was at the bottom of our rules list, it's legitimately bc we were trying so hard to be preventative about this negativity that we forgot to add it when we first posted the blog, and just remembered later. again, you're under no obligation to answer these, i just feel like no one's really actually letting us defend ourselves/are taking things in as bad faith a way as possible. (3)

im not exactly sure how the posts showed up in the tag bc ive been very purposefully not tagging them, also ive blocked all of you back (not sure why you blocked me if you actually want feedback, so it seems more like you just want free positive pr and not actual feedback) so its unlikely youll see whatever it is that i reply to this but whatever. 

the issues have all been repeatedly brought up to you so i dont really see how me repeating all of them once again could help. when i last looked at the cardd the things that stood out immediately included. 

pitting ace & bi identities and people against each other REPEATEDLY,  

starting off with a guilt trippy tone and maintaining it throughout (in my experience this is the #1 best way to receive backlash because people do not want to participate in events where you feel like youre being guilted into it, which going into scrutinizing detail over there not being enough content and passing judgement onto authors or artists over it is something that comes across as guilt trippy.),

repeatedly equating asexuality with sex repulsion (not to get into the misleading information about modteam aspec identity breakdowns, since you claimed that 3/4 of the team are aspec, which is technically correct, but what you didnt say was that only one is acespec. surely you know that [allosexual] aro and [alloromantic] ace are not interchangeable) and calling using biromantic over bisexual a “misunderstanding” of the identity as if how to define romantic vs sexual attraction (how to divide, if or if not to divide, use interchangeably different labels) isnt a deeply personal choice ace people who experience romantic attraction make, 

claiming that bisexual jon is canon (he isn’t. this is why people are suspicious of anti-other mspec identities sentiments. which theyre right, if youll be so kind as to stick around til the last paragraph) and repeatedly implying that the reason there isnt “enough” content centering bi jon because the aces are simply unable to not fixate on his asexuality (again, pitting identities against each other),

making the banned ship list way needlessly confusing and including ships that dont even include jon to it, which simply comes across as some kind of a list of bad ships, idk. a way to bypass this would simply be to say “we are looking for portrayals of healthy relationships!” and that couldve just been it. if you felt that that wouldnt exclude specific ships (eg. jondaisy that a lot of people write as a relationship between trauma survivors who have done very bad things trying to get better and learning to trust each other) it is possible to simply say “the modteam is squicked[/triggered] by ships with daisy/elias/peter and we’d like to read all of the works submitted so we’re asking not to receive submissions with those ships.” hating ships is literally completely normal but making rules hard to parse is going to attract questions, especially when the implication is that ships are excluded on the grounds of morality, and a blatant power difference ship (jonelias) is equated with jondaisy, which is from what ive seen almost exclusively shown to be a relationship between equals. that makes people EXTREMELY confused about where the line is. thats why youre getting so many questions about this.  

in general the carrd was spotty, guilt trippy, and needlessly moralizing where it definitely did not need to be. the key to getting people to engage without getting backlash is to make the event seem fun. when your carrd is filled with stuff about unrelated negative stuff people are not going to think it’s a fun event at all. 

and none of this even gets into the fact that at least one of the mods has a history of open hostility against pan people. i heard through the grapevine that he has since made a fauxpology about it, but frankly it already shone through in the language used in the event descriptions. its extremely hard to take any of this is good faith when it is easy to see that one of the organizers is quite fucking clear about thinking pansexuality is biphobic and the carrd is or at least used to be full of anti-pan (and other mspec identity) dogwhistles, and is notorious in some of the tma fic author circles for being extremely fucking nasty about trans men writing fic he doesn’t like to the point of pretending that we’re all cis people (in case youre not keeping track that is misgendering us by implication) because he doesn’t like it. i think some of you (or maybe all of you? idk) in general could stand to examine whether your engagements and participations in the fandom have been at all about having fun or adding positivity to anything, or simply making posts about what other people are doing wrong. it seems that every post i see from anyone in this group is guilt trippy and authoritative, and sadly this translated directly into the event. 

when youre, say, a trans man whose first touch to one of the mods was a post about how fic where trans men have piv sex with cis men is hurting him personally and making it a moral issue and not a matter of a simple preference to the point where he feels comfortable making claims about the trans men (and transmasc nonbinary people) writing fic about trans characters re: their gender or whether theyre fetishizing trans men, your willingness to engage in good faith with an event hosted by him that features numerous red flags is not going to be unconditional. 

im sorry to hear that it has been bad for your mental health, and idk whats fucking going on with this event anymore, but my good faith interpretations have diminished significantly since i saw the shit tmc specifically has been saying about pansexual people and pansexuality as an identity label. i have no clue where the rest of you stand but tmc has repeatedly, consistently shown himself to be unable to act in good faith towards anyone other than people who agree with him.  

[armillary-spheres-lover]

Hey

Idk if you ever got the answer to your thing. But I’m a person who is queer but regularly uses the term lesbian to make things simpler. I can tell you why I hate the phrase monosexual- it feels transphobic to me- I am not attracted to men at all, but I am attracted to women, non-binary folks, gender queer folks, and agender folks. If I was with a partner and they transitioned to be a man I would still love them. That wouldn’t change. Sexuality is fluid and calling someone monosexual seems to erase that and really put people in boxes. Everyone has exceptions. And as someone who has identified as bisexual and pansexual in the past and find those not to suit me and fit right (especially since I am not sexually/romantically attracted to people physically/based on appearances- it’s more about personality and what I could do with a person)

I don’t mean this in an antagonistic way, I really hope it doesn’t come off that way(I’m bad expressing myself sorry).

(I’m sorry, I know you’re not trying to be rude. My answer, however, will sound rude and upset because you touched upon some stuff that needs a lot of unpacking to me lmao. Just know this anger is not necessarily directed at you but at biphobia in general.)

Why do bisexual people may need to use the term monosexual?

A. It is descriptive

I see what you mean but as you said you're queer and lesbian is a term to make things simpler, right?

So I wouldnt call you monosexual because you’re clearly not attracted to only one gender (but if you want to who I am to stop you?). Monosexual is someone who is almost exclusively dating/is attracted to people of one gender. There are plenty trans people that are straight or gay that would NOT date a partner if they realized they were a different gender. For real: kat blaque made a video (here it is if youre interested) on youtube about this - she’s trans and she wants to date men and wouldnt feel comfortable on continuing dating if a partner of hers realized they were actually a trans woman all along. She wants to date guys not girls and that's FINE it just means A. She actually recognizes the girl gender, obviously B. She's straight af and that's wonderful! It’s not a box if that’s how her experience is and she likes it that way!

Also how is being monosexual transphobic? Cant a girl just like guys exclusively (both cis and trans) or like girls exclusively (both cis and trans)? It's not even enbyphobic since you dont need to be attracted to a person to support their rights. (Gay men arent attracted to women but can be 100% feminists.) Being open to fuck somebody is not the same as supporting their rights: fetishization is a thing. Again, I refer to the video Kat Blaque made.

Sexuality IS fluid but to some people (like me and you) it is more than others. Some people don’t feel comfortable dating people that dont fall into the gender theyre usually attracted to and thats 100% okay.

B. It helps in talking about biphobia and panphobia in society

Biphobia and panphobia are for the large part based on the assumption that you cant be attracted to more than one gender (not even non-binary and so on) and that if you do you're weird/disgusting/mentally ill/a sexual predator. I can tell you 100% that's the narrative both straight and gay people can and may perpetuate since I struggle w this kind of shit every single time Im attracted to someone no matter their gender (YES, EVEN IF THEY'RE A GUY, BECAUSE THE OTHER DAY I WAS ATTRACTED TO A GIRL AND NOW I FEEL LIKE A FUCKING ANIMAL THAT CANT CONTROL ITSELF, even though it makes NO sense because if it was two girls or two boys the actual number of people my hormones activated to wouldnt change, but it would make my experience not subjected to biphobia!). I’m not saying gay people are the same as straight people. But I do feel alienated BOTH from heteronormative society AND from (subtly biphobic) gay spaces because of my bisexuality. I costantly feel like I’m outside both of those worlds and you know how humans are: I just need a term to encompass it all easily, to say “I don’t identify with any of this” (which is both straight and strictly gay spaces: ie, monosexual). To me is literally the same as saying non-bisexual/non-pansexual.

I dont mean to say lesbians or gays have it easier or are just like straight people. But we do have different experiences and I need terms to express that. It honestly doesnt matter to me if you identify as lesbian or queer (though I think you’re implying you’re more queer than anything). But I do need a term to talk about how society at large treats sexuality; ie, as a monosexual thing. Another concept that’s been thrown around is bi erasure. A strictly monosexual society is bound to view a girl dating a girl (or girl presenting) as if theyre both LESBIANS and erase a queer person the moment they’re in a m/f relationship, because people cant COMPUTE that it may not be the case and that the girl dating a cis straight dude isnt betraying her queerness.To think so is basic biphobia.

In some ways, I think it’s the same as when transgender people started using the term cisgender - which is applicable to both straight people and queer/gay people. They simply needed a term which meant “not-trans” as they were saying “I dont identify with this” (ie the cisgender experience). Does it imply that cisgender people, no matter if queer, have something in common? Yeah, yeah it does. Does it imply that queer people are just the same as straight people, or face no oppression? Of course not. Seeing people being offended upon being called monosexual feels like people being offended upon being called cis to me.

Also, saying that the terms bisexual people use are transphobic is almost implying that bisexuality is inherently transphobic? Or reeks to me of that kind of rhetoric. I use the terms I need to use, just like any other marginilized group does, and nobody outside of that group has any right of denying me that. It’s like I’m trying to create a safe space for myself and people like me and yall come around to judge us YET AGAIN. And I'm just tired of hearing this bullshit. I could accept this kind of criticism only if it came from a trans person themselves, I guess? But it’s not usually trans people who accuse us of being transphobic, in fact, many trans people identify as bisexual and use bisexual terminology lmfao.

“Hearts not parts” rhetoric

Finally, about personality being superior to physical appearance. That's amazing but I do want to note that, not you necessarily, but many people who are into the “hearts not parts” rhetoric are, how can I say this. Slut-shaming people? I’m not sure if you are doing this but I feel it needs to be said just to be sure. A lesbian trans woman can be just attracted to a girl for her physical appearance and just want to fuck her - and THAT'S OKAY. That's fine. I am a sexually attracted to people and that doesnt mean I have to form a deep bond first. Sex positivity is about accepting that people can feel like this and not shame them for this. "Hearts not parts” rhetoric has in the past infantilized, sanitized or outright shamed other queer experiences. It's fine if you feel that way but dont start acting like you're morally superior because of that. That's catholicism with extra steps. My bisexuality its not the symptom of some predatory and animalistic thing that should be purified into something more palatable and less sexual. That’s the same thing they used to say about gay people and now gay (biphobic) people are using this against us. That’s also the kind of thing trans women (especially if they’re sapphic) constantly hear every fucking day. Queer people have a good part of their discrimination rooted in the shaming of purely sexual desires. Forcing ourselves to be more palatable and less sexual is just respectability politics. I’m tired of it. (This is obviously different from being on the asexual spectrum: but you dont see ace people going around pretending they’re morally superior than everybody else, and many are actually very sex positive)   You would still love your partner if they were a different gender: that’s great, but that’s not how some (most) people feel, and they aren’t superficial because of this, just different from you.

Also, I think you’d really benefit from hearing a trans person say they don’t care if someone has genitalia preferences. Here it is. This obviously doesnt mean that every trans person will feel like she does, but it does mean that we can’t generalize trans experiences/preferences/what they feel transphobia is. Just like straight people dont get to say what’s homophobic or not, cis people dont get to say what’s transphobic or not. The definition of those terms relies entirely on the community that is targeted by these things.

I hope this wasnt excessively confusing but I wanted to make my point clear.

[graffitiskies]

━♡ guess the 26 year old july baby just arrived to dallyeog! it makes sense, because jeon yooseul is just as wild as the month of july. wait, why do they remind me of bae suji? beyond that, they seemed audacious and impartial upon first glance. i heard someone say they’re sort of stormful and brusque though. i hope they get acquainted here in complex #3 / apartment #0722 / floor # 2 ; she seems to have a lot going on with her job as a rideshare driver.

tw: missing persons

hey everyone!!!! ;u; i’m so glad to be joining you at this ungodly hour (it’s literally after 4am here SMH!!) but hey when the muse hits you IT HITS YOU LIKE A CINDERBLOCK and i for one love when i get a weird burst of sudden muse for a new character hehe :> anyways, that character would be jeon yooseul, a somewhat asocial rideshare driver who’s been living at dallyeog for about a year now :0 pretty much all the info i have for her is below, but in case you’d rather not read a big stretch of text all together, here’s some individual page links: x, x & x :)

profile / stats basic

full name - jeon yooseul nickname/s - yoo, yoojwi ( from her aunt due to her quiet nature ) age - twenty six dob - 07/22/1994 gender identity - cis female orientation/s - pansexual / demiromantic blood type - o born - gyeonggi-do, south korea  grew up - pohang, south korea nationality - korean occupation: rideshare driver languages: korean, conversational japanese, very basic english

personality

label - the thunderstorm traits - audacious, stormful, impartial, brusque, enigmatic, aloof aesthetics - long drives with no destination, concealed crying fits, lonely shadow puppets on the wall in the waning sun, wind and raindrops in your hair, smudged lip balm, beat up messenger bags, the jingling of keys, continental drift, being left on read western horoscope - cancer chinese zodiac - dog alignment - chaotic neutral mbti - the logician ( intp-t ) enneagram - the philosopher ( 5w4 ) disc type - the architect ( Dc )

appearance

fc - bae su-ji ( bae suzy ) hair - deep brown and usually worn naturally, with little effort put in. eye color - black build - slender clothing style - simple, aimless - lots of blacks, earth tones and neutrals. owns a few leather jackets. piercings - both ears in multiple places tattoos - a small heart on her left ring finger, a heart topped with a cross on lower part of the back of her neck

familial ties

mother - jeon hyesun ( status unknown ) father - jeon soonil ( status unknown ) siblings - younger brother jeon yoohwan ( 20, currently in university ) aunt - im darae ( 49, living in pohang ) uncle - im jongho ( 52, living in pohang )

biography

yooseul was born in the muggy, oppressive heat of july to two very kind, yet very naive people. they were both young; barely 19 when they had yooseul, and were in no position to take care of a child. however, they still took on the challenge, as it was simply the kind of people they were.

while the pair meant well, they were always leaving yooseul with her aunt and uncle before traipsing off on another adventure. they loved traveling the world doing all kinds of thrilling, but reckless activities. climbing infamous mountain peaks, visiting the sites of active volcanos, boating down the amazon river with scarce supplies. the little girl would overhear pieces of arguments between her aunt & uncle and her parents. yooseul’s aunt and uncle tended to look out for her even more than her parents did, and were adamant that all the traveling was actively harming yooseul’s development. her mother and father remained steadfast that their daughter wouldn’t even remember this stretch of her life, due to how young she was.

when yooseul’s brother was born, everyone was a bit hopeful that yooseul’s parents would slow down with their jet-setting lifestyle, but if anything, it seemed to kick them into high gear. it was as though having a second child made them feel as though the clock were ticking on their lives, and off they were again on another adrenaline rush.

as yooseul grew enough to truly comprehend and lament her parents’ absence, it was only then that they seemed to finally understand the effect they were having. then again, anyone would probably start listening when their young child is on their knees, begging and crying with an intensity of someone’s whose heart was truly breaking. the trips slowed to a crawl and became every once in a while, rather than every other weekend. yooseul grew passive about them by age seven, as they were so infrequent, so when her parents told her they’d be going on a hiking trip to the south korean evergreen forests, she honestly didn’t think much of it.

she hadn’t seen her aunt and uncle in months, and she and her brother could fly kites in their spacious garden. it was a handful of positives, or so yooseul thought. ( tw begins here ) the days stretched on at their house, and it seemed to be taking a bit longer for her parents to return than she’d anticipated. she could tell something may have been wrong by the hushed conversations her aunt and uncle had, coupled with teary phone calls to people that yooseul couldn’t seem to make out.

she learned the truth while eavesdropping on a news story about her parents; apparently they had gone out hiking as planned, but they had never returned back to the hotel they were staying at. several searches had been conducted in the forest, but only scant, inconclusive traces of the couple were found.

as she was just a child, yooseul knew only hope. her parents would come back one day. why wouldn’t they? they’d been hiking before. they knew what they were doing. days turned into months, and optimism turned into doubt. the evergreen forests were so large and covered so much ground - and who knew if they were even still in there?

( end of tw ) her aunt and uncle did what they could for her and her brother, as the two had gained custody of the children due to their frequent care of them. while her brother was able to develop at a relatively normal pace, yooseul withdrew inside of herself for the most part. the hope she had once known had shifted into stinging pessimism. she loved the family she had left of course, but she was terrible at opening up about what she was feeling, and she was so reluctant for people to see any weakness in her. she had to be the strong one, and it was so much easier to be strong when you let emotions roll off your back entirely.

yooseul had difficult focusing on the things that went on around her, especially in school. she never really made socializing a priority, and her grades were abysmal. it was honestly a wonder that she graduated at all, but her aunt and uncle didn’t want her to be without a secondary diploma, so they refused to let her fall back irretrievably far.

trying to enter the workforce was even worse. she’d sworn off university, and all the small trade jobs she got never seemed to last more than a couple of months, mostly due to her lack of interest. she simply drifted from one meaningless wad of money to the next, either saving it up in a jar for goals she didn’t have or slipping it into her aunt’s purse when she’d refuse to take it directly.

having no prospects might have seemed like a downer of a life to live, but yooseul didn’t really think of things in those terms - she was solely focused on existing in whatever moment she was in and doing whatever she wanted to do. after her aunt and uncle surprised her with a fairly nice kia k8 (as they knew it was something she’d never buy for herself), she leaned into late night drives for comfort. there was something about being alone, feeling the wind ruffling through your hair, some mindless song on the radio recorded solely to push false emotions, watching the lines on the road come at you like knives when you push the limits of the car’s engine. it felt free.

after hearing word of a new rideshare app launching from her uncle, yooseul decided to apply to be a driver. she had nothing else going on at the moment, and those late night drives she enjoyed so much could actually make her some money.

she’s been doing it for a few years now and enjoys it as much as yooseul can enjoy something. the social aspect of it can be a bit awkward, so she loves nothing more than when her passenger keeps their face locked on their phone in silence. she’s since moved out of her aunt and uncle’s place and intro her own apartment at dallyeog. she figured it was finally time to move on, as her brother was now entering college and hadn’t really needed any help taking care of for some time now. maybe, deep down, she’d stuck around so long for sentimental reasons, but she’d never ever admit that.

wanted connections ( first come first serve )

anniversary of an uninteresting event ( open ) - yooseul never talks about it, but y/m saw the story about her parents on some exploitative talk show where they launched a ton of conspiracy theories about what happened. you want to set the record straight, but she doesn’t really wanna hear it.

be quiet and drive ( open ) - y/m orders a ride from yooseul with no set destination in mind. they’ve just had a really awful day and want to zoom through the city towards the sunset without looking back. lucky for them, that is just yooseul’s vibe.

needles and pins ( open ) - y/m and yooseul knew eachother before she moved into dallyeog, possibly even dating back to childhood. they actually know her better than most of the people she’s around now, which makes her mighty uncomfortable. she feels as if they hold some sort of key to a past she thought she’d locked away forever.

cherry waves ( open ) - nobody knows how y/m and yooseul came together, but every time they come into contact, they both immediately lose themselves. sitting on the beaches of busan with a bottle of whiskey, tiptoeing on the edge of dallyeog’s rooftop hand in hand, or ending up a tangled mess of flushed skin and kiss-swollen lips in the back of yooseul’s car; wherever they are, time doesn’t seem to exist.

battle axe ( open ) - yooseul can be a little abrasive when she’s irritated, and maybe that’s why y/m likes pushing her buttons so much. maybe they just like to challenge her attitude of not caring about anything. 

passenger ( open ) - somehow, every time y/m orders from the rideshare app, they end up with yooseul as their driver. it’s not that she doesn’t get them there safely and on time, but she can be...rather scary. maybe all it would take is a few conversations, and they’d see she’s not so bad, and maybe even bump up her rating to three stars?

hole in the earth ( open ) - yooseul did the unthinkable when she and y/m were together a few years ago: she actually opened up. she told them things she never thought she’d tell anyone, and y/m didn’t really understand the weight of that decision for her, betraying her trust. seeing y/m again now is just reopening old wounds and pouring on the salt.

digital bath ( open ) - for whatever reason, it is way easier for yooseul to have lengthier conversations over texts, snaps and other various digital means of communication. perhaps it’s not having to see the person’s reaction in real-time and therefor not having to process any of her own emotions. y/m is one of the only people who actually indulges her on this, and now they have become somewhat friendly as a result.

this is all i have for the moment, but i am v enthusiastic about brainstorming things based on chemistry and character traits or of course scooping up one of your open plots! 

[vampireqrow-moved]

um its my birthday so wait until 12:01am pst to block me if u hate this post 🥰🥰

long story short the pansexual label is redudant and actively harmful (its far from the worst problem bisexuals face but it is one issue) and i dont hate anyone who identifies as pan because A) those ppl are bi like me and B) i used to identify as pan myself.

if thats enough for you to block me and make a callout post for me then i cant stop you but pretty please either read this whole thing or just wait a few minutes for my bday to end 🥰🥰

anyways im kicking off this point with some personal experiences bc i love to talk to myself. i got introduced to the pan label at maybe 10ish years old, and started identifying with it pretty much right away. i heard about it before bisexual and it was pitched as attraction to all genders and of course trans people. i was of course a trans ally! i had trans friends! i was trans also but hadnt figured it out yet! the way i had heard of it, there was no bisexual, there was no need for bisexual, and identifying differently was excluding trans people, which I was certainly against. being bisexual was trans exclusionary and why would i exclude trans people? the 'hearts not parts' slogan was thriving around this time and i genuinely said it and meant it.

as i started to become more online, mostly through roleplaying websites and tumblr here, i started hearing of bisexuality. it was supposedly an older term, so older people still used it, but it was common knowledge that pansexual was the better, inclusive label and younger people should adopt the new inclusive language instead of the old and transphobic words like bisexual. /s

and then bi and pan solidarity was all the rage! pansexual wasnt erasing bisexuality, why did anyone ever think that? bi and pan were two separate and complete identities that were valid and had to be respected or youre a mean exclusionist. and an asexual person, hearing people labelled exclusionist always meant they were excluding people from the lgbta community who rightfully belonged, denying peoples lived experiences, and generally telling people theyre wrong about their sexuality because theyre too young. and all of those things were bad and had hurt me, so it would be ridiculous to change labels and support "pan exclusionists" because they were just as bad as ace and aro exclusionists, and they were all the same people. or so it seemed to me at that time.

then, 'hearts not parts' began getting called out for blatant transphobic by insinuating that pansexual was the only identity that loved people for their "hearts" and personalities instead of those gross gays, lesbians, bisexuals, and even straights who only saw people for their "parts". (STRAIGHT PEOPLE ARE NOT OPPRESSED. I AM MERELY POINTING OUT THAT PANSEXUALITY WAS SHOWN AS ABOVE ALL OTHERS.) many pan people, including myself, began to denounce the slogan and insist pansexuality wasnt transphobic, there had just been a coincidence that a transphobic slogan was everywhere and a huge part of people's explantions of and associations with pansexuality. hint: it wasnt a coincidence.

from my perspective, this is when i began to see people discussing dropping the word pansexual. that seemed to be a huge step from getting rid off a transphobic slogan, and these people were just meanies who hated microlabels. and i like microlabels! as a genderfluid person, and someone who has friends who use specific aro and acespec labels, ive seen how people can use them to name specific experiences while still acknowleging their presence underneath umbrella terms like aromantic, asexual, nonbinary, lgbta, and for some people, queer.

pansexuals dont do that. they dont label pansexuality as a specific set of experiences under the bisexual umbrella, they see themselves as a separate identity, and even if they started to, the history of biphobia and transphobic undeniably linked to the existence of pansexuality in enough to stop being worth using. but i digress. pansexualitys shiny new definition that many people cling to is that pansexual is attraction to all genders. bisexual is two or more genders.

which. frankly? doesnt make any sense. my guess is that its supposed to be inclusive of nonbinary genders and those a part of cultures who historically have not had a binary gender system in the first place. i cannot speak for the latter group, but as a nonbinary person, its not inclusive. anyone can be attracted to nonbinary people. literally anyone. theres no way to know if everyone you meet is nonbinary or not. whether or not a nonbinary person reciprocates those feelings and is interested in pursuing a relationship is completely up to the individual, regardless of the sexualities of the people involved.

bottom line is that you cant number the amounts of genders someone can be attracted to, thus rendering those definitions pointless. people can be attracted to all kinds of people regardless of gender, even if they are gay, a lesbian, or straight. all people can date thousands of nonbinary genders if all people involved are interested and comfortable with it. numbering the genders you can be attracted to diminishes the post of nonbinary, as it is not a third gender, it simply any experience not fitting within the western concept of the gender binary (if the person so chooses to identify as such. if you cant tell already, the nonbinary experience is varied between every single nonbinary person.) important to note also that no widely accepted bisexual text defines bisexual as attracted to exclusively two genders or even the "two or more genders". i know this is used a lot but please read the bisexual manifesto. its free online i promise.

some people also claim pansexuals experience "genderblind" attraction while bisexuals feel differently attracted to different genders. this is very nitpicky for whats supposed to be two unconnected idenities, but thats only part of the problem. this definition is also not in any widely accepted bisexual texts, and bisexuality has never excluded those who experience genderblind attraction. i am in fact a bi person who experiences genderblind attraction. this does not mean i am not bisexual. it simply means i experience bisexuality differently than other bisexuals, and thats wonderful! no broad communities like bisexuality are expected to all share the same experience. we are all so different and its amazing were able to come together under the bisexual flag.

last definition, or justification i should say, is that yes these definitions are redundant and theyre the same sexuality, but people prefer different labels and thats okay. i agree in principle. people can define themselves as many things like homosexuals or gays or lesbians or queers or even other reclaimed slurs, while still not labelling themselves under the most "common" or "accurate" labels.

but pansexuality isnt the same as bisexuality, which may sound silly but hear me out. it has been continually used as a way to further divide bisexuals, who are already subject to large amounts of lgbta discrimination. "pansexuality was started by trans people who were upset with transphobia within the bisexual community! it cant be transphobic OR biphobic!" except of course that it can and it is. to say that trans people cant be transphobic is absurd. transmedicalism is right there, but thats not what im getting at. all minorities can have internal and sometimes external biases against people who are the same minority as them.

pansexuality was started as a way to be trans inclusive at the expense of labelling bisexuality as transphobic when its not. transphobia is everywhere, and bisexuals are not exempt. instead of working on the transphobia within the community, the creators of pansexuality decided to remove themselves from it to create a better and less tainted word and community, and the fact that pansexuality is intended to replace bisexuality or leave it for the transphobes goes to show a few things. pansexuality and bisexuality are inherently linked because the pan label is in response to the bi label. due to its origins, it is inherently competing with bisexuality and it cant be "reclaimed" from its biphobic roots. pansexuality is not a whole, separate, and valid label. its a biphobic response to issues within the bisexual community.

to top off this post, heres something a full grown adult once said to me. in person. she was my roommate. "i feel like im pan because im attracted to trans people. trans women, trans men, i could definitely date them. but not nonbinary people because thats gross and weird." she saw pan as trans inclusive and defined herself that way as opposed to bi which is shitty!

also a little extra tidbit about my experiences identifying as pan. i saw myself as better than every bi person. all of them. even my trans and bi friends. whenever they brought up being bisexual i would think to myself "why dont you identify as pansexual? its better and shows people you support trans people." because i was made to believe bisexuality didnt and was therefore inferior. thats the mindset that emerged from my time in the pansexual community. i am so sorry to all of my bisexual friends even if they never noticed. i love you all and hope you have a great day. this also goes to any bisexuals or people who identify as bi in anyway, such as biromantic or simply bi. love you all.

ummm yeah heres some extra reading i found helpful and relevant. here and here. also noooo dont disagree with me and unfollow me im so sexy 🥴🥴🥴

[clems-grove]

okay so this is absolutely in no way meant to shame people who are pansexual. i simply found this out and thought it was interesting. while it may not be the same now, pansexuallity was originally very transphobic and very biphobic. people who identified as pansexual were saying they were pansexual because they’re attracted to trans people as well and that’s crazy cuz like, that’s just transphobic since trans men are men and trans women are women. those were quotes taken from as recently as 2018. in 2020 the quotes were much better, but there were still some that were stating because they’re attracted to trans ppl they cannot be bisexual. i know there is of course nothing wrong with being pansexual and that not all pansexual feel this way. and i know that like not all bisexuals are attracted to both sexes or attracted to all and that the difference between pan is bi is that gender does not play into pan sexuality. idk i guess it was just kinda sad to see people say these things. i know that not all pansexuals think this way but it’s just kinda interesting. i sincerely hope this doesn’t bother you or cause you any distress- that’s the last thing i’d want to do, but i found this out and wanted to ramble a bit, so i apologize. feel free to ignore and delete this ask if it upsets you and if it does im sorry.

Hi, please fuck off from my blog entirely. This makes me extremely uncomfortable even just glazing over it. I’ve literally done nothing to prompt this. You shouldn’t pop into my ask box and say shit like this. Even if you had good intentions you should KNOW better. I want to live my life as a pan person without constantly being bothered about it with asks like these. I don’t know you. I didn’t ask for your opinion. I don’t bring up discourse unless abolsutley necessary, and I never said you were allowed to bring it into my inbox. Leave me the fuck alone for 2 goddamn seconds.

[souvcniir]

*   bopping  along  to  forever  by  drake  is  𝐀𝐋𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐑 𝐒𝐀𝐋𝐀𝐙𝐀𝐑  ,  the  twenty  two  year  old  cis  man  thrown  back  to  their  business  days  with  none  of  his   memories  .  voted  most  likely  to  move  out  the  country  ,  alis  was  known  for  being   resilient &   facetious ,  go  figures  you'd  always  find  them  being  threatened  to  be  kicked  off  of  the  football  team  ,  but  grew  up  to  be   audacious &  untrusting  .

what’s  happening  cuties  !   listen  ,  i  cannot  join  a  group  without  giving  the  fattest  and  biggest  warning  that  despite  being  in  the  rpc  for  a  minute  now  ,   i  still  suck  at  introductions  .  embarrassing  luv  ,  i  know  asdj  .  i’m  gi(anna)  ,  i’m  nineteen  years  old  ( a  big  old  baby   )  ,  i  go  by  she  and  her  pronouns  and  i  currently  live  on  the  east  coast  which  throws  me  in  the  est  timezone  !!!  this  is  one  out  of  two  of  my  children  that  i’ll  be  bringing  you  ,   and  um  can  i  just  say  im  obsessed  with  the  fc  pairing  i  got  going  on  for  alistair  .  aron  piper  and   giuseppe  maggio  ?   this  is  what  heaven  is   asdfgh  .    down  below  you’ll  find  a  little  about  alistair  !  and  if  you  want  to  plot  you  can  either  smash  the  heart  button  ,  send  me  a  message  ,  or  message  me  on  discord  at  𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭'𝐬 𝐫𝐨𝐮𝐠𝐡 𝐛𝐮𝐝𝐝𝐲#1776  .

*   𝐎𝐍𝐄                          𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐀𝐄𝐒𝐓𝐇𝐄𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒  .

a   black   eye   in   response   of   words   of   provokement   ,   lonely   nights   concealed   by   random   bodies   ,   gold   rings   sitting   on   bruised   knuckles   ,   calloused   digits   shielding   a   bright   sun   from   bloodshot   eyes   ,   distant   chatter   drowned   out   by   loud   thoughts   ,    salty  drops   gleaming   on   tan   skin   ,   enchanting   pearly   whites   ,   thunderstorms   singing   pretty   hues   to   sleep     .

*   𝐓𝐖𝐎                          𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐒𝐓𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐒𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐒 .

full   name.   alistair  aurelius  salazar  .   nickname(s).    alis  ,  ali  .   preferred   name.   alistair  .   past  age.   twenty  two  .   present  age.   thirty  two  .   date  of  birth.   november  first  .  zodiac.  scorpio  . gender.    cis  man .   pronouns.   he  and  him  .   sexuality.  pansexual  .   younger  faceclaim.   aron  piper  .   older  faceclaim.   giuseppe  maggio   .   character  inspiration.    hardin  scott  ,   niccolo  govender  rossi  ,  lip  gallagher  ,  and   bellamy  blake  .

*   𝐓𝐇𝐑𝐄𝐄                          𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐑𝐎𝐎𝐓𝐒  .

(   physical  abuse  ,  slightly  detailed     )

    sorrows  and  raindrops     ,   remnants  of  a  first  breath  that  established  the  tone  of  the  upbringing  of  curly  locks  and  pearly  whites  that  never  flashed  for  too  long  .      he  was  a  prisoner  in  a  punishment  meant  for  another  .   he  was  a  prisoner  to  rage  .

   he’s  made  up  of  pleads  ,   and  sobs  that  still  haunt  his  childhood   .   neglected  of  forehead  kisses  and  bedtime  stories   ,  gifted  fists  against  previously  bruised  flesh  in  substitution  .    black  and  blue  decorating  his  body  so  frequency  that  for  a  while  he  forgot  what  he  looked  like  without  them  .   

   one  night  ,  he   held  his  broken  arm  in  his  lap  and  begged  her  to  tell  him  why  ,  why  did  she  hate  him  so  much  ?    she  never  answered  ,   didn’t  even  move  a  muscle  .   left  her  seven  year  old  child  to  pull  himself  off  of  the  floor  and  out  the  door  .  that  was  his  last  memory  of  her  .

    left  in  the  care  of  the  foster  system    and  a  year  later  was  put  into  the  custody of  a  man  who  was  suppose  to  be  his  father  .   a  politician  who  had  cared  more  about  his  image  then  his  own  blood  eight  years  earlier  .   not  an  excuse  ,  his  father  would  learn  that  with  the  help  of  guilt  eating  him  from  the  inside  out  .  did  everything  he  could  think  of  to  make  it  up  ,    not  an  easy  challenge  .  

*   𝐅𝐎𝐔𝐑                         𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓 .

walked  hand  in  hand  with  being  difficult  .      labeled  the  broken  bird  .  the  dirt  bag  .   found  traces  of  himself  in  chaos  and  so  he  became  it  .    a  smart  boy  drowning  in  a  hurt  he  had  not  fully  recovered  from  .    got  better  as  the  years  went  ,   and  twenty  two  was  his  golden  years  of  doing  his  very  best  to  not  self  destruction  .  

kept  himself  busy  ,  but  that  does  not  mean  he  kept  himself  out  of  trouble  .  a  smart  boy  who  had  the  ability  to  stumble  into  class  with  black  rims  covering  regrets  from  the  previous  night  .   cannabis  was  the  best  form  of  therapy  and  getting  blacked  out  on  weekdays  was  his  favorite  sin  .   

careless  and  impulsive  ,  everyone’s  favorite  partner  in  crime  .  bruised  knuckles  and  a  fat  lip  were  the  consequence  of  a  insolent  mouth  that  never  knew  when  to  stop  .   smiled  with  blood  dripping  from  his  mouth  and  returned  to  his  dorm  with  bruised  knuckles  ,  now  he  remembered  what  he  looked  like  .    

charming  words  and  wandering  hands  might’ve  fooled  you  ,  but  commitment  for  him  was  unreachable  .   he  was  stuck  in  the  mindset  that  he  was  too  fucked  up  for  someone  to  love  him  and  it  showed  in  every  relationship  he  had  ever  had  .   he  was  the  heartbreaker  ,  or  more  so  the  cold  hearted  .  used  others  to  silence  the  demons  in  his  head  and  left  before  the  sun  crept  through  curtains  .  

*   𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄                         𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐂𝐔𝐑𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓  .

ten  years  formed  a  new  label  ,  the  phoenix  .   the  businessman  .    moved  around  until  he  settled  in   san  francisco  where  he  soon  opened  up  a  bar  with  his  business  partner  .   successful  ,  finally  funded  his  own  life  with  money  that  he  earned  .  but  there  was  more  to  him  then  just  expensive  cars  and  days  being  referred  to  as  boss  . 

healed  in  more  ways  then  he  had  been  ten  years  ago  ,  thanks  to  the  help  of  actual  therapy  (  though  cannabis   was  still  a  friend  )   .   greatest  achievement  was  finding  forgiveness  in  his  heart  for  his  father  and  building  a  normal  son  -  father  relationship  .    

decided  early  he  didn’t  want  kids  and  instead  adopted  a  pitbull  named  kyson  .   his  best  friend  and  as  those  around  him  joke  ,  his  son  .   is  his  background  a  picture  of  him  and  his  dog  ,  yes  .  mind  your  business  .

now  a  known  playboy  ,  though  most  aren’t  surprised  .  says  he’s  too  busy  for  relationships  but  it’s  just  the  fact  that  some  things  never  change  and  commitment  was  still  a  scary  thing  .  

recently  ,  as  in  the  last  three  years  ,  moved  to  riccione  ,  where  he  opened  up  his  fourth  bar  .   lives  in  a  house  on  the  beach  and  only  returns  home  every  few  months  (  plus  the  holidays  )  .  has  become  a  big  beach  bum  ,  but  he  likes  the  environment  .  does  the  whole  beach  life  activities  too  ,  the  hiking  and  the  surfing  (  though  he’s  not  very  good  )   .  

no  longer  a  fighter  ,  and  instead  is  the  one  breaking  them  up  .   realized  there  was  one  thing  he  never  wanted  to  be  ,  his  mother  ,  and  so  he’d  never  resort  to  using  his  fist  unless  in  the  act  of  defense  and  even  then  he’s  had  a  good  job  of  walking  away  .  

*   𝐒𝐈𝐗                         𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐏𝐀𝐒𝐓  𝐈𝐍  𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐏𝐑𝐄𝐒𝐄𝐍𝐓   .

back  to  square  one  .  no  memories  of  who  he  grew  up  to  be  ,  just  the  old  feeling  of  anger  and  hurt  .   sad  to  see  his  process  thrown  out  the  window  ,  his  healing  cracked  open  .  the  biggest  question  ,  is  will  he  get  to  his  end  point  once  again  or  will  a  second  chance  be  his  downfall  ?

*   𝐒𝐄𝐕𝐄𝐍                          𝐓𝐇𝐄  𝐄𝐗𝐓𝐑𝐀𝐒  .

has  always  taken  very  good  care  of  himself  in  the  sense  of   what  he  puts  into  his  body  ,  even  in  college  he  paid  important  attention  to  diet  and  exercise  .  

doesn’t  speak  of  his  mother  ,  or  at  least  he  didn’t  .  you  asked  a  question  and  got  silence  in  return  .  most  never  actually  knew  what  the  first  seven  years  of  his  life  was  ,  which  left  many  in  shock  when  he  finally  decided  to  open  up  about  it  .

he  doesn’t  like  nicknames  and  prefers  to  be  called  just  alistair  ,  though  some  people  do  get  a  pass  ,  even  if  that  pass  comes  with  a  hard  look  .

his  drink  of  choice  is  bourbon  but  he  hasn’t  been  a  bigger  drinker  since  his  college  days  ...  his  friends  would  joke  it’s  because  he  overdid  it  too  many  times  in  his  younger  years  . 

*  𝐄𝐈𝐆𝐇𝐓                          𝐓𝐇𝐄   𝐂𝐎𝐍𝐍𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒  .

*   these  are  simply  just  ideas  to  give  us  something  to  start  with  ,  i  am  open  to  anything  that  is  not  mentioned  as  well  am  completely  and  totally  okay  with  switching  things  around  and  adding  things  to  these  ideas !!!  i  love  plotting  and  bouncing ideas  off  of  each  other  so  don’t  be  afraid  to  stray !

                    YOU’RE  BAD  FOR  MY  HEALTH  ,  YEAH  YOU  SHOULD  HURT  SOMEBODY  ELSE  (  PAST  CONNECTION  ┋  OPEN    )  .    he  was  bad  for  their  health    ,   a  rollercoaster  that  consisted  of  too  many  downs  .  toxic  ?  yes  .  in  love  ?  in  denial  .  but  whatever  was  between  these  two  ,  it  kept  them  at  each  others  throats  and  in  each  other  bed  .   this  was  not  the  one  who  got  away  ,  it  was  the  one  he  needed  to  stay  away  from  . 

                   WILL  HE  ALWAYS  BE  MINE  ?   ( PRESENT  CONNECTION  ┋  OPEN   ) .    his  first  adult  relationship  ,  and  like  alistair  himself  it  was  not  always  easy  .  long  nights  ,  busy  days  ,  sometimes  this  relationship  felt  like  it  was  set  up  to  fail  ..  and  then  they  got  their  moments  where  butterflies  flapped  their  wings  and  rose  spreaded  to  cheeks  and  it  really  seemed  like  it  would  work  ...  but   good  moments  ,  they  come  and  go  and  this  relationship  leaves  the  other  thinking  how  long  they  might  have  alistair  . 

                  I  GOT  A  BAD  IDEA  ( PAST  CONNECTION  ┋  OPEN   ) .    he  looked  to  his  left  and  saw  them  ,  and  when  he   looked  in  front  of  him  he  saw  the  bars  and  regrets  forming  .   these  two  were  a  duo  that  wreaked  havoc   ,  being  around  them  meant  cop  sirens  and  bad  decisions  .  these  two  were  ,  what  do  they  say  ?  young  and  dumb  .

                  WHOLE  SQUAD  MOBBIN  EVEN  THOUGH  WE  ONLY  SIX  DEEP  ( PAST  CONNECTION  ┋  OPEN   ) .    his  best  buddies  (  that  i  manage  are  still  apart  of  his  life  in  present  time  )  made  up  of  two  to  three  others  .  they  are  his  people  ,  his  picked  family  .   

                I  SWEAR  IF  I  EVER  LEFT  YOU  IN  THE  COLD  ,  IT’S  CAUSE  IT  WAS  COLDER  INSIDE   (  PRESENT  CONNECTION  ┋  OPEN   )  .   a  old  friend  who’s  no  longer  that  ,  a  friend  .  i  picture  this  to  be  more  complicated  then  what  it  seems  ,  but  picture  these  two  going  from  being  attached  at  the  hip  to  not  speaking  to  one  another  .

                  CAN  YOU  IMAGINE  ?   ( PAST  CONNECTION  ┋  OPEN   ) .    that  one  person  who  badly  wanted  something  more  from  alistair  and  got  exactly  the  opposite  .   lovers  in  the  way  of  intimacy  but  one  sided  emotionally  .  

[queer-omens-in-the-archives]

ok i'm seeing whiffs on my dash of The Good Old Exclusionary Rhetoric again, but this time packaged to drive a wedge between bi and pan people with "pansexuality is an inherently biphobic identity". i'm so sad and angry. when and where will it stop.

literally y'all. do you not see the problems with that statement? do you not see how this is exclusionary rhetoric, meant to divide the queer community where we stand united? don't you remember "these broadly overlap but the difference matters to some people and that's okay"? where has that solidarity and acceptance gone?

do you not see the similarities to ace discourse, to trans-exclusionary rhetoric? do you not see where all that is going? what the end goal is? do you not see that we need solidarity -- all of us, between all of us, no matter how we may choose to label our experiences for ourselves -- in the face of systemic oppression? do you really think we need to invalidate and nitpick each other's identities and experiences among ourselves, when cis- and hetero-normative society is already figuratively hungry for our blood, and will get it if we do not practice acceptance and tolerance within our own community? do you not see that?

like... as a personal aside. i've been on tumblr since 2012, and (clumsy as it could be sometimes) i miss those times when unconditional acceptance, unity and community support were much more widespread. as they should be. like the community was never homogeneous, but this is the space where i first felt safe questioning myself and everything i was ever taught, because i was given the space to do so safely, without judgement or hatred or fear. i want other people in the future to have that space, too. everyone deserves to have that space of community support for authentic self-discovery.

and im so sad and angry, seeing that very same space getting more and more divided, seeing exclusionary discourse getting bolder every year. it feels like every year more people fall for it. and it blows my mind, with how OBVIOUS the intent to divide is, and how predictable the evolution of ~the discourse~ is, that some folks still play into it. im so sad and angry. and tired.

another aside. if your community support does not already come from a place of compassion and understanding for fellow queer people and their experiences, no matter how unlike yours they are; if it comes from wanting to be perceived as "in the right"; if you want to be the one telling people what they are or are not allowed to experience or identify as. remember that, systematically, every time, every single time without fail, when people start accusing folks of not being queer "enough" and start pointing fingers and vitriol: remember that, sooner or later, when they decide to move the goalposts (as they will eventually), you will be next. first trans people, terf rhetoric. then ace discourse. now this bullshit. i hope that's where we make it end.

im so tired. just... love and support each other, be kind, be understanding, be compassionate, y'all. please. it takes effort and thoughtfulness but it's necessary. we need to stand united and preserve that unity, for ourselves now and for the next generations of queer people in the future. it's worth it.