#but i thiiiiiink i hear the -a sound in there

[nattikay]

[streamafterlaughter]

Fundamental Differing

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Chapter XVII: Something In The Way

warnings: MDNI 18+ ONLY! implications of suicide (very slight), alcohol abuse, drug abuse, unhealthy coping mechanisms, angst, miscommunications as always! you get called babe/baby a lot in this chapter (platonically)

tags: rockstar!eddie x rockstar!reader, gn!reader, afab!reader

a/n: remember last time when i said we were like halfway through yeah i thiiiiiink i may have lied. STRAP IN BFFS i have so many ideas and the will to write them. hope this one leaves u looking forward to the next few ;)

Disclaimer: I do not give permission to have my work reposted on other sites. Reblogs are more than welcome, but please inform me if you find my work elsewhere unless otherwise stated.

——

December 1985

Eddie’s POV

“We’ll always find each other”

You tilt your head in question, unsure what he’s getting at. Eddie continues, “When you’re stuck in your nightmares, or when I’m fighting my ego, we’ll find each other. Bring each other back down to earth. When we’re rich and famous and far away from here, we’ll still find each other.”

He can feel his eyes welling at his own words. He can’t imagine losing you, letting you go or watching you leave, not after everything he’s seen. When you nod your head, Eddie feels the tightness in his chest dissipate. “I promise. I’ll always find you.” You seal the words with a kiss, one that grows more desperate as Eddie grips your face in his hand. He lets the tears fall, his eyes screwed shut as you kiss him. It scares him, how he feels about you. Nothing in his life had prepared him for someone like you to love him. He knows he’s broken, that he’ll fuck up constantly. Something in his gut keeps telling him he doesn’t have forever with you, that he’ll make an unfixable mistake and push you away.

-

Your POV

You wake up to an empty bed, the spot where Eddie had lay growing cold. You groan at the light streaming through his windows, rolling over to shield your eyes with a pillow that smells too much like him. There’s a gentle knock on your door before Eddie opens it, “Hey,” He half whispers, “Wayne made breakfast, you hungry?”

You nod into the pillow before sitting up. Eddie’s already dressed in his street clothes, ready for the trip to Columbus for the show tonight. He offers his hand, and you take it, letting him pull you to your feet. You cling to him, your grip on his hand refusing to loosen as he leads you to the kitchen, where Wayne is flipping a chocolate chip pancake on the stove.

“Hey, kiddo. You alright? Ed filled me in on everything.” He eyes his nephew, who doesn’t object to his admission.

“Yeah, thank you.” You look up at Eddie, still feeling soft from sleep. “Eddie took care of me.” You squeeze his hand, and he squeezes back. Wayne places a plate in front of you, and goes to pour another coffee for himself, also pouring one for you and Eddie.

The three of you are quiet as you eat, the only sounds coming from the clinking of forks against plates, or the gentle slurping of coffee, until the comfortable silence is broken by the knocking on Wayne’s front door.

Eddie groans dramatically, head thrown back and eyes rolled to the ceiling. “I’ll get it.” He pushes himself from the table and leaves to answer the door.

You can hear it immediately, Steve’s anxious tone as he rambles, “I don’t know where they went, I figured you’d be the one to know—“

“They’re here, Steve,” Eddie deadpans, and you giggle as Wayne chuckles.

“Here? Like here, here?”

“Nance didn’t tell you?”

“No one tells me shit anymore, Eddie.”

You hear two sets of footsteps. Steve follows Eddie into the kitchen, where he inspects the scene before him; You, in Eddie’s clothes, hair disheveled, stuffing pancakes into your mouth with bright red cheeks, giggling with Eddie’s uncle. “You scared the shit out of me!” Your eyes widen at your friend’s anger, but Steve doesn’t stop. “I woke up and you were gone, not even Robin knew where you were. You could have left a note, called, something!”

“Well, you found me. And I’m safe.” You don’t want to argue, but you really don’t want to explain yourself to Steve right now.

He’s not done, though. “I’m responsible for you, Y/n. On this tour, you and the band are my only priority. If you’re gonna go somewhere in the middle of the goddamn night, you need to tell someone. Preferably me.”

“I figured Nancy would have told you. I woke her up last night, and she knew where I was going.”

Steve rubs his hand down his tired face, and you feel guilty for making him worry. “And I think she believed you wanted some alone time, truly. But we need to go if we’re gonna make it to Columbus in time.”

You hang your head like a scolded child, and drag yourself from the breakfast table. “Alright. I’ll be out in a second.” Steve gives you a short nod before turning around, slamming the door behind him.

“Well,” Eddie starts after a beat of painful silence, “Let’s get this show on the road, yeah?”

“Can I talk to you first?” It’s almost a whisper, but Eddie is so fine tuned to you, he nods without hesitating. You follow him into the dining room, away from where his uncle can hear you, you’re too embarrassed to say anything in front of him.

“I really don’t wanna hear you say sorry again, sweetheart.” Eddie turns to face you, his hand still trapped in yours, making no effort to let go. “You know I’d do anything for you. Anything you wanted.”

You shake your head sadly. “I won’t, I promise. But it doesn’t mean I’m not thinking it.”

Eddie shakes his head, bringing his free hand up to cup your cheek. You lean into his touch without a second thought, your eyes closing as his thumb strokes your skin. “I told you, we’d find each other.” It’s a whisper, barely audible, but you hear him like he’s shouting in your ear. It’s a promise you made to each other long ago, when you were love sick and naive, a promise to come back to each other after every battle, every stupid argument. Of course, things hadn’t gone completely according to plan in the last six years, but he’d still managed to find you. He’s just waiting for you to find him, to keep your promise. You’re still not sure if you can.

“I’ll see you in Columbus.” His hand falls as you speak, and you miss its warmth. “Thank you.” It’s a standoff. You’re still not sure how to say goodbye to him, even though you’ve done it hundreds of times by now. Everything in you is fighting to stay stuck to his floor.

“Yeah, I’ll see you.”

And you finally tear yourself away, not saying a single thing you’d wanted to. Really, all you want is for him to hold you, to stay here with Wayne, quit the band, quit it all to remain in this happy little bubble you’ve deluded yourself into thinking you belong in. But you can’t, so you give Wayne a long hug, and wave goodbye to the Munsons’, closing the door behind you.

-

Eddie’s POV

He blows out the breath he didn’t know he’d been holding. Behind him, Wayne snorts a laugh and Eddie whips his head around. “What are you laughlin’ at?”

Wayne shakes his head. “You, boy. You’re such an idiot.” There’s no bite to his comment, and Eddie laughs with him.

“You’re probably the sixth person to tell me that in the last twenty four hours.”

Wayne stops laughing suddenly, his frown lines deepening. “How many more ‘til you do something about it?”

Eddie’s baffled. “What am I supposed to do?”

“Be straight with ‘em, for one thing. You can’t keep beatin’ around bushes hopin’ they’ll be content with that.” Wayne scolds, and it breaks Eddie’s heart disappointing him.

“Okay, hold on. You don’t have a clue about what’s goin’ on with us.” He feels his walks rising, preparing to shield himself from a harsh truth.

“Because you don’t tell me, Eddie!” Wayne’s voice booms through the house, shooting into Eddie’s ears and rattling his brain. “I do know, that kid loves you.”

“Yeah, but I don’t-“

“Deserve it?” Wayne slams his mug onto the counter, causing Eddie to jump. “No, you don’t, not the way you’ve been actin’ lately. Kid I raised, though? That treated everyone like a friend or family, ‘n’ would chop his own leg off if it meant a better day for someone else? He does. Where the fuck did he go? What have you done with my son?” It’s unmistakable, the breakage of Wayne’s voice. “I almost lost you, Ed. Not once, but twice. You almost died, and your first instinct when you survived was to try and kill yourself.”

Eddie’s ears ring with the silence that follows. “You promised you’d never bring it up.” He feels his throat betray him, choking on his words.

“And you promised me you’d work on yourself. You promised me you’d try to get better.”

“And I am, I- I was. I slipped.”

Wayne rubs his tired face, trying to soothe himself. “I know it’s been hard. I can’t imagine what you must be feeling, frankly I don’t want to. But this ain’t the way to deal with it. Point is, you’re hurtin’ people you love, boy. I know Y/n’s hurtin’ bad.”

“You couldn’t possibly-“

Wayne stares him down, daring Eddie to question him again. “I know. I won’t ask you to promise me again, I’ve learned my lesson. But maybe it’ll get through your thick skull this time. Before it’s too goddamn late.”

Eddie swats a tear away, looking at his uncle through blurred vision. “So you’re saying it’s not too late yet?”

Wayne steps closer, his arms open. He lands a hand on each of his biceps, holding Eddie at arms length. “No, it’s not too late, kid. But you better shape up quick.”

Eddie nods, and lets Wayne pull him into a hug, wrapping his own arms around the older man. “I’m sorry, Wayne.”

“I know, kid. Get used to sayin’ it.”

Wayne pulls back, and Eddie adds, “Y’know, Y/n and I aren’t exactly sure what we’re doing.”

Wayne rolls his eyes, something Eddie’s never seen him do before. “Please, everyone on the planet and beyond knows what you two are doing.”

“Wanna enlighten me, then?”

“Bein’ fuckin’ cowards.” Wayne crosses his arms. “The way you look at each other, no way there’s anyone left that hasn’t caught on. But you’re not acknowledging the hard parts.”

Eddie groans. “Well, yeah, Wayne, we tend to avoid the hard parts. I don’t even know if I’m in the right place to be with them.”

“That is incredibly mature of you, Edward.” Eddie only scoffs. “Look, I get it. I respect your thought process. But you should probably reconcile at the very least. Have a conversation, spend a day together. Maybe not. Do the hard part. I can just tell it’s killin’ you to hold ‘em at night and not even see ‘em the next day.”

Of course he’s right, it’s destroying Eddie, only having you partially. There’s so much you don’t know about what happened to him, and so much he still doesn’t understand about you leaving. He knows he’s done wrong, he’s treated you poorly and he’s paid over and over for it in his mind, but he still doesn’t know what the final nail in the coffin was. Something tells him you’re not gonna give it up easily, either. Something has to give soon, even if he’s gotta make it. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“I’ll tell them. I’ll be honest.”

“Easier said than done, kid.”

Eddie shakes his head. “No, they deserve to know everything. Then, they can decide if they want anything to do with me.”

Wayne sighs. “They won’t see you as less than for it. You know that, right?” Eddie shrugs, gnawing on the inside of his cheek. “Why’d y’think you fell for ‘em in the first place?” He cracks a smile at his nephew. “You’re gonna be okay. You have a real good thing here.”

It’s Eddie who initiates the hug this time, throwing his arms around his uncle. Wayne returns the hug, chuckling into his nephew’s shoulder as he whacks his back lovingly. “Okay, okay,” Eddie let’s him go. “I gotta hit the road. I’ll call you when I get to Columbus.”

“Sure you will.” Wayne crosses his arms.

“I promise!”

“We’ll see!”

“I love you, Wayne.”

“Get goin’ before I boot you out myself.”

Eddie turns around, and right before he shuts the door he hears Wayne call “Love you, too!” causing a smile to creep across his face.

-

Eddie doesn’t want to tell you anything, obviously. He’s terrified. He knows it’s important, if any of this is gonna work out between you two. Trust is earned, he knows that, and he’s figured out it’s earned with truth. No fuckin’ shit.

So maybe he tells you. He confesses this deep, scary truth about himself to you in the hopes that you’ll reciprocate with a reason for leaving? Seems wildly unfair and selfish, even Eddie can see that. No. He shares this with you in hopes that you won’t run screaming in the opposite direction? Why wouldn’t you? Seems like a reasonable reaction. No. He tells you because you deserve to know. There can be no hope, not now. He can’t let himself expect anything from you, you don’t owe him. But it sticks inside his brain regardless, the idea that you might still speak to him after all of it. He can’t help it.

Eddie climbs onto his bus, back through the portal into the scary world of rock and roll, and the driver pulls away, cranking the volume to Something In The Way. His bandmates and Steve greet him cautiously, and he returns their curious glances with a shake of his head. There’s too much to explain right now, and Eddie’s sure they wouldn’t get it.

Steve, however, is not accepting that. “Can you come back here for a sec? Need some help with something.” It’s a command disguised as a question, and Eddie obeys, trudging towards the back of the bus, into the little bedroom where both of them barely fit.

“Thought you went with Death Dance?” Eddie stalls, ready to tiptoe around the elephant in the room.

“Nah, they’re fine without me hovering. You, on the other hand,”

“Need to be hovered around?”

Steve taps his nose. “Bingo. Anyway, look, I know you’re going through a lot, and I know Columbus harbors some old wounds, but I need you to keep it together.”

“I’ll do my best not to freak out, Harrington, but you and I both know I can’t promise anything.”

Steve pinches the bridge of his nose, screwing his eyes shut in frustration. “Fine. But you have to try. If this means anything to you, you’ll try.”

“What’s the big deal, man? Why’s this so important to you?” Eddie tries not to be irritated, but even he can hear the venom in his own voice.

“You’re important to me, dude. It hurts to see you all screwed up, throwing your life away, drinking ‘til you can’t see. You’re scaring us.”

“Us?” Steve presses his lips together. “You been talkin’ behind my back? Can’t really say I’m surprised.” He crosses his arms over his chest. “To who?”

“What?”

“Who’ve you been talking about me with?”

“Who do you think?” Bastard doesn’t even bother lying. It’s Eddie’s turn to shut up. What has he told you? How much do you know?

“What did you-“

“Nothing. None of that shit, that’s not mine to tell. They’ve come to me, worried. I wish you’d open your fuckin’ eyes, man. That’s all.”

“Alright, alright. I surrender. I’ll try to be good!”

“Thank you. I’m kinda sick of the asshole you’ve become.”

“You and me both, brother.”

-

Your POV

“Hey,” Robin places herself across from you in the booth, “You wanna explain that little escapade for me?” She rests her chin in her hand, elbow propped on the table, the ultimate pseudo-posh body language meant for gossip.

You lean into the bit, and into your friend, mirroring her posture. “Well, first I woke up shrieking from a nightmare about Eddie dying, only to ask our lovely hostess for his uncle’s address, steal Mike’s bicycle, and bang on his front door like a fucking campaign volunteer!”

Robin blinks at you, seemingly unbothered by this irrational series of events. Great, you’ve become predictable. “What did he say?”

“Hm?”

“When you told him?”

“Nothing spectacular, it was two a.m.” This isn’t the reaction you’d expected from her.

“So no wild accusations this time?”

You scoff, crossing your arms over your chest. “He apologized. He misunderstood-“

“He eavesdropped! Y/n, babe, please come back to earth for one second here. You really think it’s a shocker to ask if he’s hurt you again? Look at the notes.”

She’s right, but you’ll be damned if she gets to know that. “I’m done with this conversation, Robin. I mean it.”

“Okay, fine! New topic!” Robin snaps you from your daze. “There are whisperings.”

“Oh?” You quirk an eyebrow at her, and she nods vigorously. “I overheard Steve on the phone this morning. All I heard is that one of the smaller bands might have to back out of Lollapalooza. Nothing’s certain, and obviously I’m not supposed to know this, but-“

You hold a hand up to stop her. “Then why are you giddy?”

“Because it’s Lollapalooza! That would be huge for us!”

“Lolla hasn’t even started yet, Robs. Baby steps, please.”

“No, but it starts in two weeks. We overlap dates, and you’ll never guess where.”

You pretend to think. There are only two places important enough to you to mention, and one is growing smaller behind your bus. “August 7th. Great Woods, we play Boston on the 6th.” Home. Playing Lollapalooza at home. You could die after that, and be genuinely content. Robin’s smile creeps across her face again, and you join her this time, letting the excitement of hope tug at your heartstrings.

-

The sun is thinking about setting when you arrive in Columbus, having to forego stopping at the hotel for a shower. The buses pull behind the venue, an arena twice the size of the places you’d been playing until this point, not something expected from a state that’s mostly farmland.

“This is crazy,” Sylvie mutters as security leads the eight of you, Corroded Coffin, and Steve backstage.

“Dude,” Gareth backhands Eddie’s chest, “Judas Priest played here. Scott Travis walked these very halls.” Eddie only rolls his eyes at his awestruck friend. “Travis has only been in the band for two years.”

“I have a good feeling about him, though!”

The two continue to bicker, and you tune them out. It seems you take many turns down secondary hallways before ending up in a vast, mostly empty room save for two cheap vanity sets and a plastic fold out table with your rider orders displayed, and a few wooden shades to change behind. “This place is huge!” Their voice shakes with nerves, and you place a comforting hand on their shoulder.

“I know, but think of it like this. Maybe more people will leave here listening to our stuff.”

Sylvie nods wordlessly, and you give them a squeeze.

“Okay, guys, we have two hours to showtime, and I am begging you to use that time to relax and get ready,” He shoots a glare at you, instead of stressing yourselves out. Please.”

You raise your hands in mock surrender, and Eddie stifles a laugh poorly. “Alright, well, dismissed.” Steve shoos you all away, leaving the makeshift dressing room in a huff.

“What’s got his panties in a bunch?” Eddie wonders aloud, and no one has an answer. You look at Robin, and she only shrugs. The last thing you need right now is your caretaker having a meltdown.

You’re called for soundcheck, once again being led through the backstage tunnels, flashing your badge to staff members as they pass. The stage is about twice the size of what you’re used to seeing, and maybe four times bigger than the allotment usually given to you as an opener. “There’s so much room for activities!” Robin squeals, and you giggle. She’s right, you could really let loose with your antics up here.

“Alright let’s get busy, check, check!” Steve claps his hands together, and the rest of you scramble to your marks. You watch as Steve takes his place in front of the stage, making sure he can hear you, even though it won’t matter in the long run when there are six thousand people screaming in front of the speakers anyway.

You fiddle with your guitar, tuning each string as quickly as you can, testing your mic and pedals, playing with your in-ear, all while trying to keep an eye on Steve, tapping his foot anxiously in your peripheral. You and Robin send each other concerned glances, both thrown off by Steve’s palpable anxiety.

Despite Steve’s unexplained jitters, sound check is smooth, and the four of you are brought back to your dressing area, switching out for the headliners to deal with Mama Harrington.

-

“WHO ARE WE?!”

“DEATH DANCE APPROXIMATELY!”

You huddle, growling and grunting playfully to hype each other up to perform until you’re cackling so hard your ribs hurt. “This is our biggest show to date,” You put on your pep talk voice, “So we’re gonna go out there and rip this place to shreds, yeah?”

“FUCK YEAH!”

“FUCK YEAH!” You bring it in for one more group hug before shaking off your individual nerves. Security leads you out, the crowd getting louder as you get closer. Steve follows behind you, posture tight as he power walks to the side of the stage to wish you all luck.

“Break a leg, baby,” He holds out his fist for you to bump, but you swat it down, bringing him into a hug that he returns without hesitating.

“We’ll talk after, yeah?” You mumble into his shoulder, and feel him nod.

“Thank you.” You pat his back and let him go, and he watches as you follow the rest of the band on stage, the crowd getting impossibly louder when you appear.

-

Eddie’s POV

He wanders into the crowd with Steve and a crew member close behind, hair tied up and hidden by a baseball cap he’d never choose on his own. Tonight he’s insisted on not drinking, but the anxiety about talking to you, for real, is eating him alive. Of course, when Steve had heard this, he’d gone all Protector mode on Eddie, now following him through the venue to hold him to his word. I could use the company, though, Eddie thinks sadly.

In the back of the venue, casual fans collect their drinks from the bar, or walk away from the merch stands with handfuls of memorabilia. A few people give him second looks that he averts less than slyly, only trying to get a decent view of you on stage.

Tonight, like every other, you’re holding the audience captive with your performance. Dressed in an oversized Bikini Kill shirt, red fishnets, and spandex shorts, your body lifted higher by heavy boots. You glow under the stage lights, hair damp and sticking to your sweaty face as you pour your soul into your vocals. Tonight’s performance seems more raw, to Eddie. Your voice, though still incredible, holds a certain rasp it doesn’t usually. You sound more pained, the way you must have felt originally writing these songs. It’s like you sense it, the shift in your equilibrium finally catching up. Eddie feels it in himself, every time you look at him, somehow still finding him in his disguise, in a room of thousands.

He wants to drink. Or smoke, or fuck, or cut a line, even, the pain in his chest is unbearable, knowing what he’s put you through, and the fact that you don’t know everything. He wants to take it all away, every ounce of pain you could ever feel, even if it means his worst nightmare comes true. Everything inside of Eddie itches, squirms under his skin while you sing, voice grating and cracking against the screaming crown.

“Thank you, Columbus! We have been Death Dance Approximately, and this is our last song! Sing it if you know it!”

Lilith counts you in, and the song is met with even more shrieks of the casual listers recognizing your hit. The one about Eddie, the one written for him in high school by someone he’d never get enough of. He doesn’t usually stay for this one, the song almost impossible for him to listen to now. Tonight, though, Eddie sways with the crowd, even throwing a careless arm around a befuddled Steve. Eddie may never have you again, but he did once, and he plans to hold on tightly to that fact, regardless of what happens after tonight.

-

Your POV

“Thank you! Everybody get pumped, Corroded Coffin’s on next! Goodnight!” You blow kiss after kiss to the audience, eyes scanning for the person they’re actually for as you take your bows and walk offstage. Already, the crew buzzes around you, hauling instruments and wires on and off the stage, hustling to tape down setlists, check levels, and reveal the Corroded Coffin flag currently covered by your band’s logo.

“Great show, guys, absolutely killed it.” Steve claps for all of you as you enter the dressing room, careful to stay out of the way of your tour mates’ paths. But someone’s missing from the scramble.

“Has anyone seen Eddie?” Jeff looks from you, to Steve, to anyone else in his eye line. His question is met with the shaking of heads, no one confirming they’ve had eyes on him.

Steve takes charge easily. “Alright. Rob, check the bar. Sylvie, check the bathrooms, and Lilith, go talk to the bouncers. I will try to call his—“ he pauses, looking at you, “…friend, here in town.”

You ignore your friend’s strange inflection. “What about me?”

“What?”

“Where should I look?”

Steve presses his lips together, not fully looking you in the eye. “I think it’s probably best if you don’t get involved, Y/n.”

This baffles you. “Excuse me?”

“It’s not you, it’s just,” he huffs, “This city is hard for him to be in, after… Look, I don’t know what you know. Let’s just say I expected this.”

“Steve, holy shit, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“I don’t have time to explain right now!” Your bandmates have already left the room. “We need to find him. If you have such a dire need to look for him, fine, but I can’t tell you anything else. It’s not my place.”

What the fuck could he be talking about? You groan, throwing yourself into a fold out chair, defeated, and Steve stomps out of the room. It takes you all of two minutes to give in, grumbling to yourself as you exit the dressing room into the backstage labyrinth. “He could be anywhere. Shit!”

Before you even make it around the first corner, you hear the beep of a security guard’s walkie. “Hey, yeah, we found him. Out behind the parking lot with some girl.”

“He alright?” Steve.

“Yeah, he’s good. No sign of substances. On our way in.” You chew on the inside of your cheek as you return to the room. He’s got a girl here?

—

chapter XVIII

tag list: @children-of-the-grave @five-bi-five @wiildflower-xxx @beebeerockknot @champagne-glamour @xxgothwhorexx @therensistance @chonkzombie @brxkenartt @sidthedollface2 @bibieddiesgf @gaysludge @eddiesguitarskills @littlepotatobeansworld @poisonedluv @kellsck @m-chmcl-rmnc

[tubby-time-lord]

“You’d like the Time Lord I’m stuck with~ she goes by the Librarian, she’s on her fourth regeneration and I thiiiiiink she said she’s 675 or something? Whatever. All I know is she’s wonderful~”

He hummed, smiling brightly at the thought of her

“It’s nice traveling with her, but being by myself every so often is nice too. What about you? Got anyone?”

"Sounds like we'd get on well, wonder if I'll ever meet her out there?" Reena mused, glad to hear there was another Time Lord out there who shared her love of food.

"Me? I mean...I've tried on a few occasions. But usually they don't like the travelling aspect in some way or another, or it's... difficult for them to accept what I am. I'm not immortal by any stretch, but Time Lords can live for a very, very long time. Some people aren't okay with being with someone they can't grow old with." She sighed, looking down at herself.

"And some aren't exactly keen on this. But I don't let those lot get me down, it's more the other reasons that stop me."

[bonesandpoemsandflowers]

Aw I'm so glad to hear that! ☺️ You'll definitely get plenty of werewolf content from me. Sounds like you know what my blog is 😅 I would say I guess I reblog too many werewolves but there's no such thing as too much. (I'm also the anon that welcomed you back a bit ago when you returned to tumblr so maybe you know what my blogs are after all. If you don't mind I'll still remain in the shadows for now but it's good to connect a little again. Take care ❤️)

I thiiiiiink I know, but honestly, the werewolf bit is less dispositive than you might think, because I still have a couple of (very lovely wonderful people) who follow me from way back in the werewolf novel days, so I see more werewolf content than your average tumblr user (probably), but assuming you’re the mutal that most consistently posts the best werewolves I find on my dash, yes, I know who you are! But I’m also terrible with usernames so you can just wait a month and I’ll be second guessing myself again. Maybe I should write this down.

Everything about the way this interaction has gone down is delightful and adorable, not entirely anon anon. Thank you for being great.

also yes. never enough werewolves.

I also need to organize my tags because half the time I reblog with ‘werewoof’ and half the time I go ‘a baby!!’ but the latter also applies to, like...alligators and dragons and occasionally an actual dog.

[kevineldon]

So yeah basically I rung my gp to get referred to the london gic and they were super cool about it! It felt really affirming! Some old guy so I was a bit put off initially but he was really lovely and even complained about the wait times.

Also the chat sort of confirmed to me that I am trans- when I'm thinking this stuff over in my head I can talk myself out of it 'you're just faking, you're delusional' etc so it was nice to hear a medical professional go 'sounds like you've been trans for many many years to me!'

After I get back from my holidays I'm going to formally change my name and probably change my gender marker too. And then apply for a private clinic in London and start hrt! I thiiiiiink I've got enough money 😬 but I can sell some stuff and start posting out merch if not. Lots to look forward to!

[funkymeihem-fiction]

Meihem Sleepover - (NSFW)

The wind was howling outside her tent, although the snows had not yet started. But she almost preferred the snow. It was soft and clean and could be manipulated into barriers and walls to shield her and her friends from the the storm. But here on the steppes, there was nothing but rock; bare and gray and cold rock, scrubby and scratchy plains grass, and that awful screaming wind. The temperatures had plummeted after the sun had dropped, and the only things keeping her and the rest of the team relatively comfortable were the scattered tents and the climate control fields that shimmered around them to keep the heat in; technology fighting against nature. She wasn’t sure if the others were asleep…Or, well, Reinhardt was definitely asleep, and snoring so loud that he could be heard above the winds. Likely the others were trying to rest as well, with how late it had gotten. The only ones she knew were awake was herself and the junkers. And she knew because she could hear them in the tent next to hers, and they were fighting again. It was muffled, but she definitely heard Junkrat’s high-pitched voice snapping and snarling, and the much lower, rumbling tones of Roadhog for the few times he chose to answer. Rolling her eyes, she put on a pair of headphones and tried to block it out. The fighting continued, and she looked up a few times when there was a crashing and ripping noise, but decided it was best to remain in her own cozy tent, playing her music and looking over her notes. “Caught a kinda fever, whenever you’re around,” she sang softly, a little off-key and under her breath, “Can’t fight the way that you mess with my temperature…Uh-oh, can’t believe it-” There was a rattling ‘knock’ at her tent, the fabric denting and rustling, and a familiar “Oi, Mei?” at the door. She closed her eyes briefly, sighing before removing her music and adjusting her pajamas, going to unzip the door enough to peek out. Sure enough, Junkrat stood just inside the faint glow of the climate field, hunched a little to fit inside, holding a tattered sleeping bag. He was dressed in nothing but a pair of smiley-face print pajama pants and shivered constantly as he gave her a look that was both miffed and perhaps a little pitiful, sniffling and wiping at his nose with one arm before announcing, “I’m sleeping with you tonight.” “Excuse me?” “Gonna share a tent, yeah?” “It’s late, Jamison, go back to your own tent.” “Uh…” He gestured behind himself; there in the dark, was the ripped up and thoroughly broken and stomped-looking remains of Junkrat’s tent, strips of fabric hanging from the broken poles at odd angles, and the climate field generator was nowhere to be found. “I can’t?” She gave him a baffled look, palms up in an imploring manner. “What on earth happened?” “…I dunno.”

She sighed. “Okay…Well, you need to try and get some rest…Go sleep with Roadhog, then.” “No!” “Jamison-” “No. Me and him are havin’…a gentleman’s disagreement.” He rubbed at his jaw ruefully. “But you know me, darl. I’m the bigger man! …I mean, in a metaphorical sense of course, don’t think anyone’s actually bigger than old Roadie. But this time I’m the bigger man, and I choose not to pursue this further with him, because I don’t want to,” he insisted, refusing to look back at where Roadhog’s intact tent clicked its light off. “Besides. There’s no room in there with him, and you smell better. Think of it as an unscheduled sleepover! We can pillowfight, make mixed drinks, judge lingerie, compare tits, all that stuff what goes on at lady sleepovers.” For a moment she wasn’t sure if she should be amused or offended, but amusement won out. “You’ve never been to a real sleepover, have you?” He grinned, wiggling his brows. “I’ve seen ‘em on videos!” “I’m sure you have. All right, come on. But this is just for tonight, we’re definitely getting you a new tent tomorrow.” She rubbed a hand down her face before finally shaking her head, unzipping the tent flap the rest of the way and inviting him in. His grin widening, the junker bent his long spine and ducked down to get inside, waiting for her to move her notebooks and piles of belongings so that he could unfurl his own sleeping bag next to hers. He made a show of it, flinging the bag open and whirling about before throwing himself inside as the thick cloth settled over him, snuggling his pointed nose into his pillow. Mei sat up, leaned over to place a small kiss to his forehead, then leaned and clicked off the lantern. They lay there in the dark for less than a minute before she heard him shuffling impatiently, then the mechanical creak of him fumbling with his mechanical leg (He had insisted on sleeping with his prosthetics on more often lately, on one of his paranoid tears about ‘being ready’), and the familiar sound of him trying to adjust his pillow. She waited for it… “Oi. Mei. I can’t sleep.” With a sigh, she rolled over to face him. She’d been expecting as much. “All right, come here. But you really should try to sl-” He was already unzipping her sleeping bag in a flash, not bothering to zip it up after him as he latched onto her from behind. “You’re the best, darl. Hey, wanna kick this slumber party off right? Wanna compare our tits?” “Jamison, I swear. Go to sleep.” She rolled over and closed her eyes. But she could still feel him fidgeting, still alive with nervous energy. And truth be told, she had been up late as well and she wasn’t really that sleepy herself. Drumming her fingers once or twice, she turned her head a little, feeling his breath rustling her hair. “Besides, we don’t actually do that at sleepovers.” “Well why not? If I had a pair as ace as yours, I’d show them off to all and sundry. What d’you do instead?” He snorted in her ear. “Well we’d watch movies, order in food or eat popcorn, stay up late, talk about what had happened at school or who we had a crush on…” “Did you have a crush on me, darl?!” He squeezed her a little tighter. “I didn’t know you then, remember?” “Oooohh, right.” “You um…you weren’t even born yet, I don’t think,” she said hesitantly, before burying her face in both hands and shrinking away from him. “Oh my gosh, I keep forgetting how…the age thing…and the cryostasis…” “Nooo no no! Come on, knock off with that again.” He followed her across her sleeping bag when she retreated, arms wrapping around her once more. “You’re here with me now, having a real Junkrat style slumber party all our own. But really though, the tit comparisons, you’re sure they’re not real?” He squeezed his grip around her, walking two fingers up towards her chest in a bid to distract her. “It’s not like that! It’s a lot more boring than, um…popular media would portray?…” She squirmed a little and batted at his hands. “…Wanna try a round of it, then?” “You are absolutely silly, you know that?” “All right, let’s see.” He shuffled around behind her, and she leaned slightly as she felt him pat at his chest with one hand with a low, “Hmmm!” before he reached back around her, squeezing his arm under her side…and abruptly seized onto both her breasts through her sweatshirt, squeezing roughly. “Oh! Nope, you win!” Her cheeks reddened a little, elbowing him softly where she could reach. “Jamison!” “Hold on, let me check again,” he grunted in her ear, rolling them through the warm fabric, starting to kiss at the nape of her neck as he toyed with her ample chest, tweaking playfully with one hand. “Okay, nope, you’re still winning. I thiiiiiink…Kind of hard to tell through the sweats…” “Jamie…” Her voice had gone a little softer, a little more breathy. “Mei?…” Her head shifted just slightly atop her pillow as she ever so hesitantly arched her back up into his waiting palm. That was all the permission he needed. ***

Faster than she could even comprehend, he grasped the bottom of her sweatshirt and yanked it upward, pulling it up and over the wide span of her chest, waiting until she lifted her chin and arms so that he could shuck it off. It wasn’t entirely gentle; the impatience behind his movements was clear as he ripped it the rest of the way off her; her skin prickling into gooseflesh at the relative chill of the night air enveloped her. She almost rolled to face him, but found his hand landing firmly upon her shoulder instead, stilling her movement and holding her in place. One long, lithe muscled arm reached across her, sliding across her ribcage as the calloused tips of his fingers tickled over her side. “Mm…” He grunted into her ear again. “Never get tired of these tits…” His fingers spread apart and seized one breast, pulling her in against his bony chest as he began massaging roughly at the plush flesh. Despite his hand’s larger size, their softness still overflowed his grip as he rolled it under his palm, feeling its weight as he caressed and fondled. His first fingers scissored together blindly, eventually finding the harder, pebbled nub of pink- laughing softly into her ear in delight as he began pinching and tugging, feeling them harden further under his touch. Despite his frantic nature and tendency for shaky limbs, he’d always been good about delicate bits; whether that meant tightening the screws in a tiny divot in his latest explosive device, or manipulating the sensitive and tender little buttons on the woman beneath him. And it seemed to be working, Mei squirming and writhing quietly against him, her head bowing with a little gasp as she tightened her thighs together, rubbing to soothe the heat that was growing warmer between them. With one slow motion, he guided her to roll onto her stomach, laying flat at he came to rest atop her. For a moment she couldn’t help but tense as his weight settled, solid and heavy- yet careful not to crush her as she was pinned firmly beneath. She fit perfectly against him, pressed together in every curve, skin against skin. It was like she had been made just for him. The arc of her spine was flush to his chest, his bony hips nestling just below the swell of her rear, where they could both feel the hot bulge of his erection aching and straining through the thin fabric of her pajama pants. He was so large compared to her, stretched tall astride her as his hand slid up to tangle in the back of her hair, pulling just to the point of stinging as he pulled her chin upward. His breath was heavy against her ear and the back of her neck, trailing his lips across hear earlobe, sharp teeth scraping at her jaw, not truly kissing her. It was almost strange, him being this close without kissing her. When she tried, his grip tugged hard on her hair until she hissed, straightening out under him once more. Excitement tingled under her skin at the force of it, just enough to sting without truly hurting, that little reminder of the terrifying strength she knew he held. He was a wild creature, capable of chaos and violence; yet could also handle her with surprising delicacy, like she was a precious thing he couldn’t risk breaking. He was being careful with her, she could tell, as the warm grip of his flesh hand slid down from her hair- down, down, all the way down across the length of her body- and into the elastic of her pajamas. She lifted herself just slightly as his lithe fingers pushed insistently into the gap between her hip and belly, slipping beneath her and in between her legs. Within moments they found her slit and the inconspicuous bud of pink at its front, the pads of his fingers curling deftly as he began to stroke at the opening, slicking the tips of two digits while his thumb found the nub of her clit and began to toy in slow circles. “Yeah, you like that, darl? Heh. Don’t even need to say anything, can hear it in your breathin’.” He grunted against her ear, and grinned when she couldn’t stifle a small whimper. “Mm, just like that, make those l’il noises I like, the ones you make just for Junkrat…” She whimpered on cue as his fingers spread apart, opening her up and slipping ever further in. Her own fingers tightened into the fabric of her sleeping bag, uttering a barely audible moan as his head dipped down and rough lips found the curve of her throat, tongue tracing the vein where her blood surged with every pound of her rapidly beating heart. She bared her neck willingly to his attentions, beginning to squirm beneath him as much as his weight would allow, lifting her hips further as his fingers pressed deeper inside her, working deeper into her wet heat. She jumped a little when a low hissing growl uttered from his throat, apparently growing frustrated at the elastic of her pants, lifting off her just enough that he could impatiently pull them down, leaving them strung around her knees. But when she tried to move to help he bared his teeth and pinned her again, his weight pushing her back down, and she stayed there. “Hold still,” he whispered. When he straddled her again, there was nothing to separate them as his narrow pelvis settled comfortably between her thighs, nudging her knees a little wider and holding them in place. He seemed to ignore her little whine of desperation when he withdrew his fingers, shining wet in the dim light as he admired them- before leaning down by her ear again, letting her hear him when he slipped them into his mouth, audibly sucking them clean. He heard her gasp when he withdrew them with a little pop, and brought both hands down on either side of her, supporting him as her nudged her knees further apart. Without that annoying fabric in the way, he could really feel her now. She was nice and wet -exactly how he wanted her- and the heat between her thighs was warm and ready, waiting just for him. “J-Jamie…” Her voice was pleading. She tried moving her hips a little, unable to do more than rub herself a useless inch or two against him, panting heavily already. He lifted off her to wrap one hand around the straining girth of his cock, positioning himself at her entrance. She braced herself, feeling him press the blunt, swollen head against her opening… but he didn’t thrust forward, didn’t give her what she wanted. He pushed forward only a bit, dragging himself in circles around her soft, sensitive lips, parting them to glide the length of him back and forth within them and occasionally slipping forward into her, just an inch or two. Her moisture coated him in such a marvelous way as he rubbed and humped against her, toying with her and feeling her squirming grow more anxious. “Oh, did y’want something?” He asked. She could tell he was grinning, could hear it in his voice. What a jerk. But she did want it, and wasn’t above asking for it. “Jamie! Yes…Please, I want it…you…” Satisfied, Junkrat guided himself back into place, pushing slowly forward until the head of him vanished inside. His lanky back hunched over her, every bony vertebrae visible as he made one swift jab with his hips, hungrily sheathing himself inside, gliding through like moistened silk until he was seated fully within. The noises she made, guttural and primal and so very unlike her normal polite self-control, made all the teasing worth it. She was still pinned beneath him, unable to move her hips as he took the lead, pulling out with a shallow quickness before thrusting again, his hips slamming into the pillowed flesh of her rear. He lost no time in setting the pace, hips snapping to and fro as he rode her into the ground, her little body jolting against the thick fabric of her sleeping bag. She moaned aloud before bringing her hand to her mouth, stifling herself so she could moan again. He paused breathlessly, his hand seizing hers and dragging it from her lips before snatching the other as well, stretching both her arms up above her head and pinning her by the wrists before he continued his relentless thrusting. “Nuh-uh. Lemme hear ya…” He punctuated his words with a particularly sharp snap of his hips. “I like hearing ya.” “But, the others will h- aah!” Her soft voice lifted into a cry. “Heh, what, hear that? Or this? How about…” He ground himself into her, hitting that spot somewhere deep inside her that he knew she liked. “This? Or this?…Or, oh, right there…” She could no longer protest, her eyes rolling back as she made noises that would have shamed her more-aware self. Was she drooling? She might have been drooling a little, the side of her face smushed into the wet sleeping bag. His cock felt like it was splitting her in all the best ways, a blunt pressure in her belly that set off lights behind her vision and blurred everything around the edges. He collapsed on top of her, almost knocking the air from her lungs as his bony chest landed on her back, holding her wrists so tight that they must have been bruising; his hips pounding and smacking between the back of her thighs. “Soft!” he moaned aloud with her. “S-sooo soft…so good…” It hadn’t been long at all, but Mei could feel herself unraveling already. This was going to be quick and dirty and deep; and if she still had her wits about her, she might be blushing later when he inevitably brought it up again. She recognized her own voice somewhere in all the noises he was making, and realized she was speaking to him as she drooled and groaned against the ground, whining encouragements in slurred Mandarin, and he clearly had no idea what she was saying… and neither of them cared. “Gonna cum…Gonna fill you up, darl. Gonna cum!” He wheezed into her ear, warning her as his bony hips slammed steadily inward. She couldn’t really manage anything more than an embarrassing little ‘nneuugh’ noise, mewling aloud. She felt overheated, burning inside and out, her back slick with the sweat dripping from him, and could feel his flames threatening to engulf what little remained of her senses. His cock still relentlessly jackhammered into her, pushing until it felt like she might break in two; hitting that spot just right, over and over and over again… Just a little more…just a little more… His back stiffened and straightened, then coiled again, as his sharp teeth snapped open and came down on the side of the meat of her shoulder, biting down hard enough to make her wail. She jolted and tightened around him, squeezing and pulsing around every thick inch as he rammed forward as deep as he could go. For a moment he simply blacked out. Nothing else in the world mattered at that moment, nothing but Mei and that urge to fill her with everything he had, every last drop of cum; useless as it might have been, even if it never made her belly swell. Fill her up…Fill her up. Hot and gooey on the inside… “Yes!” He gasped into her neck, shivering from the aftershocks of his peak. His tongue lolled from his jaws, lathing and soothing his bite mark, tasting like her sweat and a drop or two of blood where one of his canines had pierced through. Whoops. Best he didn’t mention breaking the skin. She panted beneath him, limp and pliant, and he finally and reluctantly rolled off her. Cold air bathed them where they had been hot and sweaty against one another, though neither of them moved for a long while. She recovered first, pushing wisps of hair from her face as she rolled to face him, nudging his arm up and nestling in against his heaving chest. “Jamie. Are you all right?” “Y-yeah. Just…Just gimme a tick, love. Bloody hell, that was…” His grin had turned goofy and content, not bothering to wipe away the sweat still beaded on his reddened face. The air was still thick with the smell of sex and for the moment he was fine with relaxing in the afterglow. It was one of the only times ‘relaxing’ could ever really apply to someone like him. “Yeah, that was good. Best slumber party I been to in ages. Just…gimme a sec.” She traced her fingers along the side of his ribs while he caught his breath, squirming a little and making a face when she felt the familiar sensation of his seed leaking out of her, staining the sleeping bag beneath her. With a sigh, she closed her eyes, nuzzling against him and letting him rest. His breath had turned slower and more steady and his usual twitching had stopped. Smirking, she leaned up onto his chest to whisper a soft, “I’ll admit it…That was a very nice sleepover. I mean, it wasn’t really like the sleepovers I’m used to. But probably more like the ones you were imagining. But still, good. Very good. Jamie. Jamie?” He answered her with a soft snore where he had finally collapsed asleep.