#but i rarely see people discussing micro cuts' greatness

[just-muser-thoughts]

Certified Micro Cuts lover.

[blazehedgehog]

5 years later, how do you feel about Konami screwing over Hideo Kojima and forcing Metal Gear Solid V: The Phantom Pain to release unfinished and also cancelling Silent Hills?

We don’t know the whole story of what went on there. We probably never will. I know it’s human nature to speculate, but I’m also slightly uncomfortable doing so, because there have been enough scenarios where I’ve been privy to other sides of stories and things are rarely as sensational as you expect. That’s how conspiracy theories start, and before you know it, you have some weirdo with an assault rifle storming a pizza parlor because internet trolls told him they were a sex trafficking ring. 

Sometimes, though, crazy stuff does actually happen. Conspiracy theories wouldn’t exist unless there was some basis for people to expect sensational events. So I guess I just don’t know.

Bobvids did a great video about P.T., though, and Bobvids seems pretty level-headed about things in general. It’s over on his Grate Debate channel, where he and Voidburger discuss Silent Hill:

The cliffnotes version: Konami’s console game success was flagging, so a new president was brought in from their ultra-profitable mobile game division to turn things around. He did not get along with Hideo Kojima, who was known for making deeply expensive games. Kojima was effectively put in probation, and P.T. was a cry for help, a call to arms, and an act of revenge all rolled in to one.

I don’t know how I feel about the two sides. It’s pretty clear that I think big budget game development is out of control. Games do not need Hollywood celebrity talent to be good, because games should be fun first and foremost. And Hideo Kojima in particular is known for being indulgent in things that are not gameplay. I would never describe the gameplay of a Hideo Kojima game as bad, for the most part, but I do think it can take a back seat to presentation and story. He carries himself like a big player, spending big money on big names. There are obvious, easy ways to reduce the budgets of his games, and it’s the same problems the film industry faces, particularly the animation industry: hiring big name actors just for their voice, even though there’s a whole industry of talented actors that toil on TV productions. Spending money for the sake of spending money, because that's what success looks like.

This is part of a larger problem where the worth of a piece of entertainment is judged exclusively on how expensive it feels. The idea of “they spent a lot of money on this, so it must be good.” This is how entertainment media of all kinds is slowly self-destructing. Warner Bros. already spent $300,000,000 on Justice League, and now they’re going to spend at least another $70,000,000 on the “Snyder Cut” of Justice League -- I say “at least” because at some point Warner went silent on Snyder Cut’s actual budget, suggesting it’s continuing to grow. It will easily be one of the most expensive movies ever made (for now).

That culture needs to end. I can see how someone would look at what Hideo Kojima does and think maybe he needs to be reigned in more than a little. You can make games without celebrities and they will be just as good.

On the other end of the spectrum, seeing things from mobile gaming’s perspective also sucks, too. Making barebones experiences full of deliberately tedious grinding in order to encourage your userbase to spend money on fake, manufactured convenience is also a destructive tendency.

Paying for convenience is a real, valid thing, but generally that means “paying a worker to do a job you don’t want to.” Like cooking food, right. Sometimes you’re really hungry and making food for yourself will take too long or you don’t have the right ingredients on hand or whatever, so you pay a restaurant to give you food for a fee. That’s a valid way to pay for convenience, and millions of people around the world do it regularly.

But mobile games manufacture fake inconvenience. It’s made to be inconvenient on purpose in order to entice you to spend money on the easier ways. It’s the old storytelling trope of a villain poisoning the hero in secret and then trying to sell them the cure. They created an entire market of their own by both making the poison and the cure, but that means they still created the poison. And somehow we’re supposed to be okay with this.

I’m sure Konami was making gobs of cash in their mobile games, but they were doing it by selling a cure to their special brand of poison. What is the real cost of saving a company? Does one extreme really cancel out the other?

Given the state of Konami’s console releases in the last five years, and the mixed reception to Kojima’s Death Stranding, probably not.

If you held my feet to the fire, and asked which one I’d pick, the Kojima way, or the Konami way, I don’t know what I’d pick. Assuming the current Konami way is the way of Metal Gear Survive -- a game that took the formula of Metal Gear Solid 5 and turned it in to a tedious, micro-transaction heavy zombie survival game in order to tick every box and cash in on a bunch of different fads, then I suppose I’d pick the Kojima way.

Death Stranding is a game I haven’t played, and it sounds like a weird, bloated, obtuse mess of bad ideas, but at least it’s from somebody who is saying something more than just “I want to make all of the money.” Even if it’s a ridiculous budgetary nightmare from an auteur high on the smell of his own farts, that has inherently more worth than greed in any format. That’s kind of reductive and broad, but this post is already long enough.

[matildainmotion]

An invitation to MWMs May Special for Non-binary/ Trans Mothers and Carers, and/or Mothers and Carers of Non-binary/ Trans Children

Image by Xavier Singer-Kingsmith for Gray, Nicky Singer’s new book. 

From Matilda:

In a month in which my son’s primary focus is the forthcoming arrival of his Lord of The Rings Conquest game and my daughter has just discovered Barbie, I am glad to be able to hold space for some less cis options in between. 

On Friday May 28th 10am-12pm I will be holding a MWM Special for non-binary or trans mothers and carers and/ or mothers and carers of non-binary or trans children. I am delighted to introduce the two guests for this meeting: writer and mother Nicky Singer, and director and mother P. Burton Morgan. Please read on for their invitations below:

From Nicky: 

My youngest child Xavier (now 24) identifies as a trans man. He is a dancer by training, filmmaker by inclination (shorts for Channel 4 and BBC Arts) and visual artist in the spaces between. I am primarily a novelist - though I have strayed on to the stage for the National Theatre and Glyndebourne. Xavier and I have been working together on my new novel for adults ‘Gray’ – with me on words and Xavier on pictures. The novel is a story of identity, boundaries, intimacy and that ‘place beyond language’ where some trans issues invite investigation. The journey is ongoing. The unexpected is every day. It’s not always easy. There’s joy. Here (above) is one of the illustrations from the book. I am interested in the personal, the creative, the political and how to keep nuance and complexity in the debate.

From P Burton Morgan:

We’re all of us artist mothers wrestling with imposter syndrome at one time or another I’m sure. I can’t be the only one whose work has shifted a bit during the pandemic. I was previously mostly a writer and director of stage work, now increasingly embracing film. But as we all push ourselves, or are unceremoniously shoved, out of our comfort zones we have to confront those pesky inner critics questioning our right to be there, to be taking up space doing something for which we’re wildly unqualified and painfully inexperienced. And so here I am today inviting you all to join me for a session on non-binary parenting / motherhood.

I am as out of my depth here, as I am in my newfound role as a film-maker because I only came out as non-binary last year, and unlike my trans sibling who has been vocally active and activist in their writing and general change-making around trans awareness and trans support for years, I am still taking baby-steps in putting words out into the world that combine my gender politics with my own gender identity and/or gender presentation. Like many enbys I’m still struggling to feel ‘trans enough’ to take up space on trans/NB platforms (which this is of course one). I’m also at great pains to point out that my unique situation (coming out as NB in my mid… ok late… thirties, after already having two children) is going to be so very different to parents/mothers who come out much earlier. I’m also married to a cis man so on a day where I choose to present more femme, or just less androgynously, we can pass as a ‘conventional’ heteronormative couple, which makes life less challenging in the small rural village where we live.

So after that uncharacteristically hesitant opening let me ask some provocations which maybe we can explore together in the session. I sure as hell don’t have the answers, but maybe collectively we can grope our way towards something resembling solutions.

Pronouns. I prefer they/them but apart from my 8 year old who has assimilated that change wholeheartedly (perhaps because he has inherited his mother’s love of, and precision with, language) everyone else reverts to ‘she’ unless I remind them. That is perhaps just part of the deal with changing your pronouns later in life. Especially for family and folk who’ve known you for decades, it takes time to change.

I still use the word ‘mum’ and ‘mother’ to describe myself, but also sometimes simply parent. For me the term 'mum' is a role, almost independent of gender. But I know other parents use other terms. And although I do still use my birth name ‘Poppy’ I now work professionally entirely under P Burton-Morgan.

So that's one thing to discuss - embracing evolving pronouns and names.

What else… gender presentation. Since making peace with who I am, and where I feel at home, I now always identify as non-binary or gender queer but I sometimes still present in a more feminine way, sometimes because that’s how I feel that day and also, if I’m honest, to avoid conflict and micro aggressions in situations and scenarios where I know my queer identity is going to be problematised. Sigh.

Conversely both my children currently identify very happily as male but because they have been raised in a household that eschews traditional gender binaries in terms of clothing they often wear leggings, sequins, nail varnish, and one of them has long hair cut in what many would describe as a ‘feminine’ style. We obviously move in (thankfully) liberal circles but they’ve rarely been challenged on their sartorial choices, and I remember the nursery used to be wonderfully supportive when one of them would come to pre-school in a beloved pink tutu. Sarah Jessica Parker eat your heart out! Just the other day we were in the playground when a child asked my eldest if he was a girl or a boy, but with no judgement, simply trying to ascertain the facts. And he equally matter of factly answered that he was a boy and they carried on playing in the sand.

I wish my experiences were similarly straightforward. But partly that’s why I don’t bother correcting people when they slip up with my pronouns - sometimes there’s more anxiety induced by people trying to get it right and walking on eggshells around me, over emphasising the ‘they’ and then furiously fumbling to correct themselves when they say she. So I just try to be chill about it.

At the end of the day, as an NB parent, or a parent of an NB or trans child, we all want the same thing - acceptance. Queer identity will only ever be a greater or lesser part of a larger identity. For few (maybe none) of us is it our defining feature. And as well all know from inhabiting the dual roles of mother and artist - the nature of our multi-layered messy lives is that our identities may overlap or even conflict with each other, we all contain multitudes - but we are not defined by any one aspect of our complex selves…

So join me in a gentle exploration of these overlapping messy parts of ourselves and let's see how we can support each other and what wisdom we can discover.

To book your place on the meeting (places limited) please go here

And for any questions please email matilda@motherswhomake.org

[fluidsf]

A Polar Visions / Polar Visions Amplitude review of -

Francisco López - a bunch of stuff (1980-2020)

Release date - July 2020

Reviewed format - Francisco López self-released (under the Nowhere Worldwide banner) USB business card, as kindly sent to me as a review copy by Francisco López

Note - you can purchase this release in digital format directly from Francisco López' Bandcamp page here: https://franciscolopez.bandcamp.com/album/a-bunch-of-stuff-1980-2020-40-years-of-sonogenic-composition

Welcome to the first review on Fluid Sonic Fluctuations review in 2021! Today I’m discussing Francisco López’s very large multi-part anniversary compilation a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) which was self-released by Francisco both as a neat USB business card and later reissued as download through Bandcamp in 2020. With this compilation Francisco is celebrating the 40 years he’s been creating immersive sonic compositions in the experimental and underground music scene, practicing his own coined way of sonogenic composition. a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) presents an excellent thematic overview of Francisco López’ discography through a large number of excerpts from his ever-growing universe of untitled compositions as well as titled pieces. The excerpts are organised into 15 parts which Francisco has tagged with his own invented genre names, which both point at his own personal sound philosophy but also have a subtle comic touch to them. Besides the excerpts, Francisco has also included several full-length (as well as almost full-length) as well as rare, unreleased and at the time of the original release still unreleased compositions making the compilations a great mixture of both showcase and rarities compilation. Whilst Francisco’s full-length compositions are often quite expansive in length making them suitable for a full-on immersion in the sonic universe created, the way every chronologically ordered part of a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) flows makes for a different yet equally intriguing and immersive listening experience with creative usage of both fades and hard cuts connecting the tracks together making every part that the full 12 hours worth of listening this compilation consists of a very rewarding listening experience. Francisco’s philosophy on both listening itself as well as his way of composing always originates first and foremost from the experience of listening in a very immersive sense which goes beyond source recognition or surface-level emotions but is very much settled in immersion within the sound world itself leaving the often cathartic, subconscious effects to the listeners themselves to feel and thereby completing the composition. Francisco himself reminds us of his philosophy but also shares some new insights on 40 years of sonogenic compositions in this mini-interview I did with him over email:

Orlando Laman - Over the last 40 years you've released a large number of your compositions, the selection on a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) is organized using your own invented genres. Regarding bringing together selections of compositions as collections through series (like recently, Two Head Snake) or by listeners themselves discovering certain connections between releases, how do you view your full collection of works as a whole, especially in the way all this shaped sonic matter is forming a sonic universe completed by the listener?

Francisco López - Well, as a whole I guess I see it as my way of having a more meaningful and richer interaction with the world. Not through representation (as in canonical so-called 'field recordings') but rather through penetration into sonic matter and its ontology.

OL - From listening to your compositions and interviews with you it's clear that most of the time you create compositions without planning things ahead, creating a system or trying to execute creative ideas through manipulated sound matter. It's a matter of composition that is both improvisatory based on the sounds themselves yet also very refined and perfectionist, which makes the compositions feel very natural but also unpredictable in captivating ways.

FL - This is what I call 'sonogenic composition', i.e., a practice of creative work with sound (and listening) in which sound themselves lead the way; not merely as 'samples' of elements to be placed in a pre-existing structure / grid / idea, but a generators of structure, pace, dynamics, texture and anything else imaginable in a sonic work. That's why I dislike the term 'manipulation'; in this context, I'd rather use 'evolution', which describes more reliably what takes place in this process.

OL -The results are more important than the tools used, however one thing that intrigued me is your manipulation and usage of low to sub-bass frequency layers of sound within many of your compositions, even those from the early 1980s, with low to sub-bass frequency sounds being an area of sonic matter that falls somewhere between the audible and felt area of sound and its direction being hard for humans to discern, how do you view this field of sonic matter relating to your compositions? Is it an area of the spectrum which you intuitively often accentuate in compositions or is this area one which you've gotten used to working with overtime to fully utilize the audible (and inaudible) spectrum of sound we can hear from sub-bass to very high frequencies?

FL - I like rich music, in all imaginable senses. That naturally includes the frequency spectrum, both audible and sensible (we do a lot of our hearing haptically in the low and sub-low ranges). As I've learned to compose largely through an intensive and extensive listening interaction with the world, those low frequencies are a 'natural' part of my sonic palette.

OL - a bunch of stuff(1980-2020) features excerpts which are often quite a bit shorter than your full compositions and releases, your full releases often feature long single compositions or a collection of shorter compositions making up one full "untitled" album release, besides these you've also released a few released a few albums which span several hour up til a full day worth of listening. In the compilation context and with the albums featuring shorter compositions the whole listening experience flows in an intriguing manner at times, with some pieces having a hard cut at the end rather than a fade-out or silence, this can have the effect at times of sudden realization of the composition's finite state within the album. Additionally, releases that span multiple hours can have the effect of the listener's listening mode moving from a focussed listening to a state in between listening and the sounds seeping into the subconscious of the listener creating certain emotions or triggering memories, What is your approach in selecting compositions for the albums and compilation releases, taking into account the listener experience? And further zooming in on time disappearing from our perception as we're fully focussed on the sounds, especially when listening to your multi-hour releases, is there a difference in terms of creating these extended-length releases to your other albums and compilation, relating to the listening experience you present?

FL - I like to be compositionally free to work with time. Traditional limitations like the length of a record or a radio show shouldn't limit our adventures in creative listening. To me, mega-long compositions (i.e., 24-hour or longer, like some of my pieces) generate micro-worlds of sonic experience that suggest a different kind of listening -one that gets closer to a form of 'inhabiting sound', which is tremendously suggestive. Different people will approach such extensions in varied ways, but I believe they always generate an unusual and fruitful potential for a very different, interesting and appealing experience of sonic matter as space and as time.

Many thanks to Francisco López for sending over the physical release as well as answering these questions and sharing such inspiring insights. Before we dive into the analyses of the separate parts as well as thoughts on my favourites tracks on this compilation I’ll mention what you can expect from the physical version of a bunch of stuff (1980-2020). Like most of Francisco’s releases the focus is all on the music and immersive sonic experience itself, so the USB business card itself features quite minimalistic design combined with a lovely photo of fire however. The content of the USB business card itself is a liner notes PDF file as well as the full compilation with 15 folders making up all the parts. Every folder contains the tracks as lossless 16-bit/44.1kHz CD quality files. While the best listening experience of Francisco Lopez’ work is by going into the compositions with a fully clear mind without knowing in advance what to expect in terms of a description or listings of sources used, the liner notes file does list the sound sources for some some of the tracks although Francisco isn’t getting specific about what these exactly consist of so beside the credits and tracklist parts not spoiling anything these source details are still staying cryptic enough to not reveal the workings behind the magic of Francisco’s compositions. Let’s now dive into a bunch of stuff (1980-2020).

a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) starts with first part All In. All In features a collection of pieces that mix various compositional approaches López takes together, with the All In being appropriate as “maximalist” pieces in terms of density of the sound matter or layering. In terms of sound matter I spotted bird and cicadas but there are also some “hidden” melodies in some of these pieces, either through certain resonances within the sound layers used or as series of tones that peek through the textures. López’ signature very low sub bass frequencies (also mentioned in my mini-interview and subtle glitches also appear within these pieces. In my favourite track 2012 - With_In [excerpt] López brings us an eerie tapestry of mysterious swirling resonant wheezing sound that flutters left and right, makes percussive shifting clicks to the left and right side and appears as this cloud of shaky sonic matter we are floating in ourselves. The perspective shifts from within (no pun intended) the sound matter to looking at this matter from a distance but the general experience is definitely very much grounded within the sound itself. The aforementioned hidden melodies appear in this piece too, in the form of hollow resonant diffuse tones that add this mysterious ambience of uncertainty to the emotional situation that might arise from our being in this environment. Whilst quick shifts do occur in some of Francisco’s compositions, the gradual continuous nature of this piece definitely helps the subtle shifting of focus within the layers of sounds as well letting the sonic matter work onto your mind in a certain meditative state. Delusional Cinematic follows, which features chopped up, at times quite abrasive collage like compositions of various sound matter including environmental sounds, movie sounds and music fragments. At times the compositions are stylistically comparable to Noise in their uncompromising more harsher edged nature. The pieces also feature rather clever transitions making for listening experiences that are as captivating as films or TV series themselves but in this case the imagery is purely mind-created.The strengths of my favourite track 2017 - untitled #360 [excerpt] are both in the silent brooding atmosphere of the composition within this longer 10:27 minutes excerpt and the way it progresses from one situation to the other. Starting from this eerie minimalist situation featuring quite a lot of shifting, rustling and clicking high pitched sonic matter there is something quite eerie about the idle space in between the sounds which creates a bit of a vacuum effect within the space and the at times wildly varying spectra and panning of the sounds themselves makes for quite some disjointed bits and pieces being scattered around this space as well, feels quite like being in a medieval village whilst sounds appear and disappear out of nowhere. In its second phase the piece moves into a battlefield of wild low frequency laden combat, helicopter whirling, a lot of (gun)shots and a further brooding mass of low frequency rumbling following up the first phase’s more resonant metallic waves of lower pitched sound. The transition from the battle to the dive underwater in which the battle can still be heard but in a more muffled state is one of my favourite aspects from this piece as it does add such a natural flow to the aural narrative this conjures up in my mind. I’d say this piece does mix Francisco’s more purely textural qualities with an inspired sense of rapid-cut composition making this one of his pieces which you can listen to through filtering and diving into its layers as well as letting your mind make up its own story through the progression from phase to phase within the composition. The next part Drone World features Drone pieces in the sense of especially hypnotic high frequency streams of sound, rhythmic sounding environmental sound matter as well as low bass frequencies and resonances. My favourite piece on this part is 1992 - Hypogeion [excerpt]. The piece is noticeably quite a bit louder than the other compositions before it on this part and whilst Francisco is clearly not trying to make a composition in a traditional manner this piece stylistically does remind me of 90’s Tribal Ambient, albeit in a more improvised manner. Featuring an array of highly resonant and bassy mallet tones as well as reverberant tribal style percussion the except of this piece showcases a particularly intense part of the composition moving into a more laid-back sustained phase. Somewhere in between mysterious factory and Egyptian pyramid sonics it features some excellent mixtures of dense tonal layers blending into each other with the overtones creating diffuse and at times dissonant interactions of sound. The percussive elements are quite high pitched throughout with quite some crystal like sounds flowing throughout the sonic space like grains of silver but overall the layers of sound flow much more like rippling shuddering waves that are often shifting from interlocking to interfering creating that always captivating element of mystery within Francisco López’ compositions. Afterwards in the Lo-Fi Broad-Band Tape Noiselationism part we have Noise oriented pieces made up of collages of sound matter of an Industrial and more organic nature as well as AM radio sourced sounds in compositions that feature some sweet droning and rhythmic sub bass frequencies. The pieces are more minimalist in terms of composition but equally captivating and showcase the more extreme side of López oldest works. My favourite track 1983 - untitled (1983) [excerpt] features most of the aforementioned elements. It’s a raw, lo-fi composition made up of various layers of electronic signals broadcast over shortwave radio with its beginning being the most recognisable in terms of source. However as always with Francisco’s compositions, the immersive experience is much more important than trying to further analyze what the actual sounds are and in this case it’s a particularly physical listening experience. The sound is grainy and often artefact laden, filled with hiss and sharp frequencies and in this fragment there is some kind of pattern of tones recognisable within its first half, as a whole however it sounds more like flying through an electric interference laden sky in which bits of metal are swirling around you in this cloud of disturbance and interference. Unlike some of the other 1980s composition excerpts on this compilation however this piece features a few hard cuts and changes to different clouds of fragile sound. Whilst being a continuous stream of hissy sound matter the piece eventually breaks up into shards of sharp irregular shaped sound movements until the fade-out. It’s definitely quite noisy in a way but I feel it’s also quite organic as all of Francisco’s works are, the sounds flow as freely as nature does and never feel artificial compared to what generally is considered as natural sounds. Following part Medium With No Message moves through various types of recording and playback medium based compositions both analogue and digital but actually does recall a lot of the crackling sounds and resonances from Francisco’s environmental sound matter based works as well. There is some recognisable glitch work in the last piece however but this again sounds more crystalline like than the at times clinical sounding works by other Glitch oriented artists. When we look at my favourite piece on this part 2002 - untitled #128 we find a piece that is minimalist in terms of its textural density. Quite like a breeze of wind subtly increasing in intensity, crackles, ticks, pops and other little grains of sound matter gradually build up a subtle rustling cloud of sound accompanied by mysterious tonal elements. Just like the diffuse spectrum of a light shower combined with how you can sense a lot of details in these sounds within quieter environments this piece offers a lot of depth, ever-changing bits of sounds within the subtly intertwined layers as the fluid qualities of the sound grip your ears and mind in a both intriguing and enjoyable manner. In the following part Mutated Locations we can find pieces based on environmental sound matter which are evolved into repeating rhythms, strange resonances as well as eerie and metallic layers of sound. The first few pieces carry Francisco’s darker Industrial like sonic approach to composition whilst pieces later on within the track list have a lighter (cleaner) sound and utilise the sub bass frequencies in a more intense manner as well as featuring less audible techniques of evolving sound matter. Whilst Francisco’s compositions aren’t really dark, I do often get a pretty eerie feeling from some pieces which I do like a lot and the more directly hitting approach of some of the compositions works better than the forced subtlety that some other sound artists would try to keep within their compositions. In my favourite track on this part, 2014 - untitled #321 [excerpt] we have a rather gripping flow of events. Just like the other tracks surrounding this one there’s quite a lot of depth in this piece and the imagery conjured up in my mind by this composition also particularly feels like looking at this sonic environment from above. As I felt this piece, it’s like a mass of clattering and shifting sounds as well as rather high pitched details quickly increasing in intensity as the layers demand more and more attention culminating into some particularly spooking train whistle like tones which keep hanging in the air at the end of this except until fade-out. The whole track feels quite like exploring one of these areas in which unused train carriages are stored, some of which rusting and degrading away until we’re suddenly transported to a used railway in which a brownish grey transport train is just about heading our way. Then on the following part Nice Noise we indeed have a collection of Noise styled compositions by Francisco which ranges from early metallic sound matter collages forming streams of layered Noise to more glitchy and granulated sounds in later tracks, cleaner hissy sounds with the last track blending these elements together in a similar way like pieces on the All In part. This last track, 2020 - untitled #380 [except] is also my favourite piece from this part. With Francisco combining various approaches from the 4 decades he is active by now within this piece he also created a very captivating mysterious sonic environment within this piece which is less abstract than other pieces but makes for a very unique listening experience with its combination of environmental sounds and brooding hypnotic tones. It’s quite like this dream about a cold dark forest you find yourself in which is “breathing” as one entity, with the animals providing soundtracks to this process of breathing through the hissy and hollow sounds they produce, the strange low thumps at the end, further thicken the surreal plot of this sonic story. Non-Representational Environmental Sound Matter is the part that follows and is in a way similar to Mutated Locations in terms of selection but inverts the compositional approach by showcasing Francisco’s environmental sound matter pieces with less extreme evolution within the sound matter itself but instead use some great layering, unpredictable structures and amplification creating immersive listening experiences in which some sounds are still recognizable at times but form elements within newly composed environments that are like the title says different from just reality. The excerpts on this part are also longer and feature more gradual progressions within which makes for more meditative like listening experiences as you shift your focus through the various layers within. My favourite piece in here is 2011 - Hyper-Rainforest [except]. It’s the longest excerpt Francisco has taken from any piece on this compilation but it’s also especially good that he’s selected a long part of it in the editing process as it’s a rather subtly enveloping composition. There’s a lot of sonic details of the rainforest you can pick up in this one, especially the many different animals within the rainforest, but also various other natural environmental sounds. One of the best things about the way this piece is composed however is the combination of shifting layers with an almost narrative like progression of sonic situations and directions, but all the while staying within the same sonic universe, giving us the ability to travel without moving, but in a different sense. I found it particularly enjoyable to shift through listening modes, at times spotting certain sounds, at other times taking in the effect of the entities within the sound matter and letting the fabric of each of this work on mind as well as sense of depth in the sonic space through listening. Indeed through the shifting layers you also start to sense the location of certain sounds within the depth of the piece as at times having a strangely reverberating acoustic distance to them whilst still sounding as being in the same sonic universe making for a quite magical listen. The progression of the piece towards the rain shower which abruptly ends into a sudden quiet section of soft chirping sounds adds a radio play like narrative element to the piece too as Francisco provides a bit of a frame for the behaviour of all sonic elements within the piece as certain changes that appear within this environment. It heightens the immersion too as not only do the changes make your part of the sonic universe, but they also point towards the deeper subconscious effects of streams of full spectrum sound matter like rain and the many layers of diffusion hidden around the centre of it. In the following part Sonic Seeds and Mega-Evolution Francisco utilises sonic seeds, which sound similar in approach to grains of sound to sculpt mostly unrecognisable sound matter into richly resonant, metallic and often glitchy forms. This part starts with an amalgamation of layers of sonic matter, after which the pieces grow ever more rhythmic and at times recognisably melodic in a way. The results of this sonic approach are somewhat similar to some pieces in the Nice Noise part but in this case the compositions are showcasing more of Francisco’s abstract Glitch like works, differing from his compositions grounded in environmental sonic matter but still bearing some similarities with the organic sound matter in terms of crackling clicks and the usage of high frequency sound. My favourite piece on this part is 2020 - untitled #383 [excerpt] and this one is a particularly glitchy composition. Following a nice gradual progression throughout this excerpt, the composition builds from a cloud of metallic crackles to a final section of glowing droning tones. All throughout we can dive into the various layers of clicky and mostly pointy sound matter that make up the framework of sonic actions that make up this composition feeling somewhere between machinery rhythms and liquid organic matter. The buzzing glitched “bass” tones make for a great ground of the framework, driving the composition forward with quite rumbling low frequencies which when combined with the glowing tones of the final section make for a quite intriguing combination of abstracted rhythmic sound and glowing diffuse sound combined within the same sonic universe. It does remind me a bit of Autechre as well in terms of approach, although in a less chaotic and more organic manner. Afterwards in the part Soundtracks With No Real Subservience we can listen to a selection of soundtrack pieces by Francisco, composed for various films, including art films and documentary. Moving from intense Noise like compositions towards less abrasive compositions featuring concrete and environmental sound matter, Francisco works with sounds within a more narrative type of fashion with the pace of the compositions being quicker and having more of an emotional edge to them. There’s also some more division in sections audible within these pieces as well as the darker qualities of environmental sound matter. In my favourite piece 2016 - Anima Ardens [excerpt] we are presented with another intriguing situation as the piece combines quite peaceful organic sound matter with layers of metallic clangs as well as a brooding diffuse tonal cloud hanging in the air. Quite like finding a mysterious wooden house which is also used as a metal workshop the juxtaposition also makes it feel quite like roaming around in the forest at night. The sharp swirls and clicking sounds, combined with the hollow tones and clangs instantly conjure up quite some magical imagery as these elements start to blend into each other as well as change or fade out whilst remaining a continuous flow of sound keeping its grip on you within the sonic universe. Next part The Ultra-Quiet, Not Conceptual features some of Francisco's quietest pieces. Indeed these are excerpts from his pieces that feature quite a lot of very quiet sound matter and silence moving from a hollow resonant flow of sound to soft rustling and clicks to some surprisingly intense sections of sub-bass frequencies in later pieces within this part. These sub-bass frequency section do also feature in my favourite piece on this part, 2013 - untitled #309 [excerpt] and in this case they’re accompanied by muffled mysterious drones that fade into soft-focus out of the silence. Like most pieces on this parts it’s a very subtle listening experience best listened to on good speakers, including a subwoofer or headphones with a good bass response to properly hear the subtle sonics Francisco builds up in her creep out of their corners. Afterwards on the next part VirtuAural Machines Francisco zooms in on his machinery based pieces. The part features a mixture of approaches to the sonic experience of machinery itself moving from relatively rough softly saturated Industrial like pieces to the usage of percussive mechanical elements to create hypnotic sonic framework as well as eerie sonic universes made up of huge halls filled with heavy clangs of equipment, siren like diffuse, distant tones and pointy and hissy sonics blending together into enveloping streams of sound around us. Whilst some of the sources on this part are at times recognisable in a way, there’s a lot of enjoyment to be had once again by the strange textural qualities of the sound matter as these entities in themselves have a particular enjoyable quality within them here, which is helped by the often spacious panning within the compositions. Favourite piece 1990 - Fango de Euriptéridos [excerpt] utilises the aforementioned spacious panning rather well and also amplifies another aspect of machinery in that it’s based a lot around shimmering tonal resonances reverberating through a large spaces rather than emphasising the (harsh) hissing and repetitive elements of machinery. It features various types of sonic actions but the general sonic focus is on this warm glowing mass of resonance that vibrates in certain ways as well, creating shifting droning tones that seem to make the floor vibrate as well. A quite “temple” like approach to an Industrial sonic universe. Following part Within The Noosphere features a rather different kind of compositions by Francisco in that most of these pieces are built up out of many layers of other music, which are evolved in various manners. Moving from pretty intense tape collages to tumbling Plunderphonics Metal barrages to the rather amusing wailing stretched tones of the old song sampled of a vinyl recorded on the last track it’s Francisco’s compositional work at its most structurally and sonically disruptive. Favourite piece 1994 - Concert for 300 Magnetic Tapes [excerpt] feels quite like a mountain landscape built out of many types of sonic matter. Most matter used within this piece is quite noisy, quirky and quite explosive too but the general fuzzy and crumbling nature of all these bits combined does still conjured up this curious imagery of a mountain landscape made up of sonic material. Recognisably musical and human sounds are at times still audible in between the cracks of the mass of sound, but in a subtle way. The following part Xeno-Instruments features a selection of Francisco’s “acoustic” pieces, in the sense that some of the compositions do feature acoustic musical instruments, at times without much audible post-production. The results are quite mysterious as can be expected from Francisco’s approach, feeling quite like the sound of the earth crust being broken open, sharp clouds of buzzing sonics, thundering percussion rhythms and wooden rumbles travelling through the room. Indeed most of the time it’s not even audible that there are actual acoustic instruments used, which is definitely the quality of Francisco’s work in that he consistently keeps evolving the sonic universes he conjures up and can find richness, “alien” new elements as well as captivating details though any method of composition and with any sound matter he finds making for a very solid but still diverse body of work. The aforementioned wooden rumbles feature in my favourite piece 2011 - untitled #275 [excerpt]. Built up out of rhythmic elements, low rumbles as well as diffused spooky tones the piece progresses in a subtle and deep manner. There’s this great metallic bell like clang that creates regular accents in the first half of this excerpt filling the room with rich resonance periodically. The rhythmically moving wooden elements form irregular patterns that do follow a certain scheme of sections in terms of there appearance and are spiky but also somewhat dampened in nature. Strangely reverberating tones almost form a diffuse melody in the second half which then moves into a brooding cloud of tonal sonic matter. It’s the kind of piece that feels somewhere in between your room starting to create its own sonic universe as well as the sonic picture of an abandoned wooden windmill’s mechanical sounds of past activity. Final part Yes, Humans features compositions that all feature recognisable human sounds or traces of these in various manners moving from amusing locally recorded environmental sound matter to layered children’s choir recordings and a further direction of ever more evolved and abstract sound matter culminating in one of Francisco's most recent compositions (from the last few years) on the final track. This final part quite nicely compiles Francisco's approaches in a way, as radio play like recordings moving in the ever more mysterious abstract and at times cinematic sonics of Francisco’s later works. My favourite track here is the rather short but sweet 1992 - Sofia [excerpt]. In nature is more straight-forward than other pieces on this part but I do find the juxtaposition and sounds themselves within this piece rather nice. It starts with a TV recording of some kind of Soviet TV commercial which sounds all cosy and sweet but afterwards cuts to this Russian Orthodox(?) church in which can hear chants. I especially do like this combination as the commercial seems to recall the memories of the Soviet Union in perhaps a bit overly rosy manner while the church sounds totally loose from anything that might conjure up bad memories and sounds much more peaceful in a way. The way you can hear Francisco walking around the church as well as all kinds of extra noises including a loud cough, footsteps and muffled talking adds to the amusing nature of this piece. The lo-fi nature of the recording also makes the chants themselves feel more like a cloud of tonal sonic matter as syllables get a bit drowned out in the recording. Francisco López’ a bunch of stuff (1980-2020) is an excellent compilation showcasing a great selection of Francisco’s rich discography of compositions which by now reach over 40 years. Full of immersive, uncompromising sonics this compilation is a rewarding listen for anyone who wants to get into Francisco’s music and wants to have a curated overview of his discography to get started diving into his full-length and shorter releases. There’s also some great material in this compilation for fans of Francisco who already have multiple of his releases as the rarer material and recent pieces offer some further sonic enjoyment and the compilation’s selection and sequencing also offers a new more mixtape style manner to enjoy Francisco’s compositions. It’s a recommended compilation for anyone who wants to get into Francisco López as well as fans of Noise, Sound Art, Tape based experimental music, Glitch as well as a uniquely personal approach to sound matter based experimental music, sonogenic composition. Definitely check this out.

You can order a copy of the physical USB business card edition here: https://www.blackhole.la/webshop/francisco-lpez-a-bunch-of-stuff-1980-2020?fbclid=IwAR3pcZfCIT-3Y7BR2M7AjTuph_3TWUm2ZHFjwmuNadir21X_imHnv9ODiZk

[marril96]

The Distance Between Us

Chapter 18: The Devil You Know

Pairing: Rowena x reader

Summary: Lucifer isn’t happy about.your and Rowena’s friendship, and you don’t take kindly to intimidation.

Warning: Slurs

Editor: @miss-moon-guardian

The midterm was getting closer, and with it, your and Rowena's tutoring sessions had become more frequent.

Truth be told, there was no need for constant studying, but the more time the two of you got to spend together, the better. You certainly weren't complaining, and neither was Rowena.

It wasn't like you were studying all the time, anyway. Quite contrary — you spent half the time chatting about nonsense and engaging in banter that always ended in giggles and laughter.

You were having fun.

For the first time in forever, you were truly, genuinely having fun.

With, of all people, Rowena MacLeod.

No — not with her.

Because of her.

You loved spending time with her. You loved it from the bottom of your heart, from the depth of your soul.

You loved her.

It felt freeing to finally admit it to yourself.

It wasn't something you were proud of, or something you'd wanted. It certainly wasn't something you'd planned.

But it happened.

The heart wanted what it wanted.

You were glad it wanted her.

There were still so many things about her that bothered you. Things that, when you gave them more thorough thought, made you resent her. But, just like the bad, there was good in her that made all her indiscretions, all her flaws feel small.

She was so sweet. So lovely. Patient even when you were a pain. There was a kindness to her she rarely showed, but when she did, it shined brighter than the sun. And when she smiled at you, it was honest. Genuine. The kind of smile you'd never seen her give her friends. The kind that came straight from the heart.

How could someone be so wicked one moment, and so angelic the next? How could the same mouth that spewed venom utter such tenderness? How could eyes that threatened murder shine so bright?

How could you hate someone and then love them in the span of a second?

It made no sense.

Life rarely did.

Maybe it wasn't supposed to. Maybe living and feeling and loving was all there was to it.

If that was so, you were okay with it. You were disappointed by the sheer simplicity of it, but otherwise had no complaints.

You were okay with loving Rowena.

Even if she didn't love you back.

Your friends weren't too thrilled about you spending so much time with her — the time you usually spent with them. But, despite their disapproval, they understood you needed to prepare for the midterm as best as you could. It wasn't like you'd abandoned them. You still hung out with them, but half of the time that used to go to them was now Rowena's. They had to accept that for the time being, and it seemed they did. Begrudgingly so, but they did.

Crowley still threw dramatic fits and Dean gave you suspicious looks (thankfully, he'd learned to keep his comments to himself), but other than that, things were okay. As they should be. Unsurprisingly, Sam was the most supportive. So supportive, in fact, that he made teasing little quips and gave suggestive winks that made you blush every single time.

Did he know something? Had he noticed you liked Rowena as more than a friend, and that that was why you wanted to spend so much time with her?

He couldn't have.

You were being careful. You didn't defend Rowena too much around Crowley, or make flimsy excuses about having to meet her. She was your tutor. You stuck by that because, despite your feelings for her, it was true. You couldn't be caught lying about something that was true.

You were overthinking it. Sam knew nothing. He was just being a tease, as friends did.

"These numbers are killing me," you whined the day before the midterm. You and Rowena were in the library, using your free period to study.

Not your ideal way to spend a free period, buy hey, you got to hang out with her. Alone (aside from the librarian, who kept her eyes glued to her computer and paid no attention to you two). Away from prying eyes and suspicious glances. It was a win in your book.

"One more day and you're free," Rowena reminded you.

You groaned. "How do you not go crazy?"

She shrugged. "I like studying."

"You must be the only kid in the country who does."

The only popular kid.

Her kind usually got on by stretched out Ds and sucking up to teachers.

Olivette certainly did, as well as her little posse. And so did Lucifer.

Rowena chuckled. "It's fun," she said simply. "I like learning new things."

You did, too.

That was what the internet was for.

Not five-hundred-page books.

And certainly not textbooks.

"Learn something new while I go pee."

"Don't get lost on your way back."

You sent her a sour smile, earning you an innocent blink, and said, "Don't you worry your pretty little head. I'll find my way back to you."

The good thing about having a free period was that bathrooms were empty. You didn't have to push your way through a crowd and search for a free stall that may or may not be soiled and smelly.

You did your business quickly and, while washing your hands, took the time to wash your face. The water was cool on your skin, chasing away sleep that threatened to overcome you. You were so tired. So damn sleepy. Between school, study sessions, and chatting with your friends online, you barely got enough sleep.

The midterm had turned you into a zombie, running on caffeine instead of rest.

One more day and it would all be over.

Just one more day.

You could do it.

"Look who we have here."

The voice startled you back to reality. Lucifer was standing by the door, looking at you with raw hunger in his eyes. His gaze was intense, focused, like that of a predator observing its prey, lips curled in a smirk that promised trouble. His right arm hung loosely at his side, his left one leaning against the doorframe.

He appeared casual, normal, a regular high school kid greeting another, but there was something imposing in his stance. Something wicked, threatening, that sent a rush of shivers, cold as ice, down your spine.

He could pretend all he wanted, but the fact remained he was no normal high schooler, and he certainly wasn't here to chat about whatever it was kids your age usually chatted about.

Where Lucifer went, trouble followed. If not, he made it follow.

Whatever he was here for, you were willing to bet it was nothing good.

His eyes, beautiful and deadly all at once, colder than the coldest ice, remained on you, followed every micro movement of your body. Although clad in a turtleneck, you felt exposed, naked, under his stare. You crossed your arms over your chest as if to cover up and said in a voice as chilly as the air outside, "Get out."

Bastard that he was, he took a step further inside and shut the door behind him.

Great.

Fucking great.

Not only did he catch you off guard — now you were stuck with him.

Alone.

You swallowed a lump in your throat, pushed the rising fear down. You had nothing to be afraid of. Lucifer was an asshole with nasty habits and wandering hands, but he wouldn't do anything too bad.

Would he?

"You and I are gonna have a little chat first."

You cocked up an eyebrow. Swallowed down the uneasiness and put on a brave face. He didn't get to see you shaken. "Are we? I mean, we don't have that much in common. Unless you're into American Horror Story, in which case I'm not discussing it with you."

"Cute." He chuckled. You responded with a fake sugary smile. "But we do have one thing in common, remember? I'm fucking her. And you're… well, doing whatever the hell you're doing with her."

Oh.

So that was what this was about.

"I can assure you, there's nothing going on between me and Olivette. I barely know her."

Two could play this game.

The amusement on his face flickered away for a split second, long enough for you to take notice. Your mouth curled into a smirk, smug, satisfied. He may have thought himself invincible, but he wasn't. Far from it. He could be hurt, taken off guard. Knocked down a small, barely noticeable peg.

It wasn't much, but it was something.

Daddy and popularity couldn't protect him from everything.

"We've got ourselves a comedian," Lucifer commented, letting out a chuckle.

"I've been told I'm hilarious," you retorted.

"You've been lied to."

You shrugged, nonchalant. "Maybe. I mean, that's your field of expertise. You tell me."

He laughed.

You grinned. "So I haven't been lied to."

He sucked in a breath, long and hard. And when he looked up at you, his expression shifted, all the carelessness fading away in favor of something that could best be described as tranquil fury. His face was a blank, all emotion gone, wiped clean, but there was something boiling under the surface. Something dark. Dangerous.

He took a few steps forwards. Instinctively, you backed away into the sink, putting some distance between you. Just in case.

He was an animal, wild and unpredictable. No peers to hold him back from acting out. No daddy to threaten to disown him. Just you and the tiled walls keeping you prisoner, trapping you in with him.

When he spoke, it was pure ice. "Cut the crap. You've been keeping Rowena from me for weeks."

You barely held back a laugh. For such an alpha male, he was strangely insecure. "Are you jealous?"

"She's my girlfriend," he said firmly. An order, a command.

Too bad you weren't big on following those.

"And she's my friend."

He snorted. "Calling her your friend's quite generous."

Maybe so.

Whatever your and Rowena's relationship was, it was none of his business.

"Think whatever you want, but I can assure you, I haven't been keeping her from you."

Rowena had been the one to suggest frequent studying sessions. She'd been the one asking you out to Biggerson's, to her house, to the library to go over lessons. She'd been the one texting you with praises, with assurances that you would pass the final.

"She's the one who chooses to hang out with me," you continued. Unable to resist a jab, you added, "It's not my fault I'm better company than you."

"How much better?"

"What?"

He walked over to you. Laid his hands on sinks on either side of you, trapping you in. Caging you like a helpless animal.

Your heart jumped, fear filling your veins like a drug. Making you queasy, lightheaded. But you kept your head up, kept your eyes locked on his in pretend bravery. He didn't get to make you cower. He didn't get to intimidate you and get away with it.

You weren't a Freshman girl, helpless and frightened.

You weren't his friends, high on power.

You weren't Rowena, drunk on his lies.

You'd stood your ground when he'd grabbed your ass, and you would stand your ground now.

"Don't play dumb with me, sweetheart," Lucifer said. "I know you're a dyke."

"I'm not—"

"I can smell it on you."

"Your superpower's malfunctioning."

He gave a small, smug chuckle.

"What I am is none of your business," you spat.

"It is when you try to seduce my girlfriend."

A bark of laughter escaped you before you could try to stop it.

What in hell was he talking about?

You had feelings for Rowena, but you'd never come on to her. Regardless of your opinion about her taste in men (or lack thereof), you would never go after someone who was taken.

You thought she deserved better, but you'd never acted on it. You'd never even said it out loud.

Had she noticed your crush? Had she told him about it?

"You're crazy," you said.

Understatement of the century.

Lucifer was a certified psycho case.

"Am I?"

He got in your face, his minty breath crawling over your skin. Creeping over it like thousands of tiny spiders, harmless but terrifying. You held back a gag. You didn't want to be this close to him.

You didn't want to be anywhere near him, least of all alone.

"I've seen the way you look at her," he said. "And I totally get you. She's a nice piece of ass. All tiny and flexible and… ginger." He puckered his lips. "There's something about gingers. But anyway, while I wholeheartedly understand your attraction, she's still my girlfriend. You dig?"

"So nice to have your approval—" not that you needed it "—but I don't dig. There's nothing going on between her and me."

He sighed in exasperation. "Bros before hoes. Dick before chicks. And so on and so on."

"I'm not your bro, Lucifer." You would rather eat a gun than become anything of the sort. "Rowena's my friend. That's all. And yeah, we hang out a lot. But you know what?" You shoved your face in his this time, a small vengeance. "She's happy when she's with me. Always smiling and laughing. When's the last time she smiled when she was with you? And I don't mean that fake shit she puts on at school — I'm talking about actual smiles. I see them all the time, and I'm only her friend. She must be all sunshine and rainbows with her boyfriend. Or is she?"

Growling like a rabid dog, Lucifer shoved you into the wall. Pain exploded over your back, pulsating like a giant heart beating against you, slamming into you over and over. You gritted your teeth to stifle a moan; you wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing you in pain.

"Get your filthy hands off me!" you snarled, pushing him off.

His fingers, thick, strong, wrapped around your wrists in an iron grip. In a swift, trained motion, he pinned them up against the wall. His eyes were on yours, nose pressed firmly against yours. He breathed on you, into you, over you, and this time you did gag.

Your heart raced with panic, chills as cold as ice creeping down your spine. You tried to break free, but as you struggled, his grip tightened to the point of pain.

You were trapped. Caged by an animal as unpredictable as any predator.

You swallowed a lump at the back of your throat and smoothed out your features into as much neutrality as you could muster. You kept your gaze on his, never faltering, never blinking. The best way to beat a predator was to face it. To stare it down until it realized it met its match and backed down like the coward it was for only cowards went after the weaker.

"Stay away from her," he commanded in a dangerously calm voice. A quiet threat.

"I will she when tells me to."

You took orders from no one. Especially not spoiled brats throwing tantrums.

"I'm telling you."

Really?

Really?!

"Who the fuck do you think you are?" you snapped, pissed to high heavens. Completely and utterly sick of his shit. "Your daddy may be the principal, but you're nothing! You hear me? Nothing!"

He raised his fist, aimed it to strike you.

You scoffed. "Go on. Hit me. Do it and your life is over. I'm not scared of you, Lucifer." You were, deathly so, to the point where your voice threatened to break, but he didn't have to know that. "Lay your hand on me and your daddy won't be able to protect you anymore."

Not when news sites got wind of it.

Not when your friends got their hands on him.

Not when the police took him away in handcuffs for you were both legal adults and assault was serious business.

"I can fight my own battles."

"Right. That's why you're here on Rowena's behalf."

"I'm here on my behalf."

You laughed in his face. "You're not asking me to stay away from you, are you? For the record, if that's what you want, you can totally have it. I'd rather swallow razors than hang out with you."

"I know what you're trying to do," he accused. "Rowena is mine. You can't have her."

"I don't want her." You did — good god, you did — but you knew it would never happen. You were more than content with being her friend. "And she doesn't want me. What's the matter, Luci? You don't trust your own girlfriend?"

"What can I say?" He shrugged. "She's been known to make some… questionable decisions."

There one such decision was, right in front of you. "So you decided to make them for her?"

"I decided to protect her."

"Bullshit! You're only doing this to stroke your own ego," you spat. "Big, strong macho man can't handle his girlfriend having friends." You looked him straight in the eyes, forcing every word to sink in, to settle down and sting. "Rowena's old enough to know what she wants. If she's hanging out with a girl she hated until recently more than her boyfriend, well, I'd say it's the boyfriend who should ask himself why that is. Maybe she's as sick of your shit as I am."

He squeezed your wrists, dug his nails into the skin almost to the point of drawing blood.

"Truth hurts doesn't it?" you said, swallowing a hiss.

Before he could respond, the door clicked open and a voice, familiar, demanding, said, "What in hell is going on here?"

You looked at Rowena, frightened, defiant eyes meeting her baffled ones. A welcome relief washed over you. "Your animal boyfriend attacked me!"

Lucifer instantly released you and stepped away, hands up in surrender. "We were just having a little chat."

She cocked up an eyebrow, not quite buying it. "Oh, really?"

"Yeah. I didn't attack her. We just had a discussion that got a little heated."

"He tried to hit me!" you exclaimed, then held up your sore wrists for her to see.

"She's lying! She came at me. I was defending myself." He shrugged. "Bitch is crazy."

"Oh, give me a break! You're not gonna believe this bullshit?"

A part of you was terrified she would, but one look into Rowena's eyes told you you had nothing to worry about.

She had your back.

"What in hell is wrong with you, Lucifer?" Her tone was that of danger, of threat, his name dripping with poison.

"What's wrong with me?" He pointed at you, outraged. "You should be asking what's wrong with her!"

Right.

Because you were the unhinged one here.

Totally.

"He wanted me to stop hanging out with you."

There was no reason to keep it secret. The bastard had made his bed. Now he had to lie in it.

Rowena looked at him with murder in her eyes. "Again with this nonsense?"

So you were correct. He had tried to ban her from seeing you.

And when she'd — quite obviously — refused, he'd decided to force you to stay away.

You wondered if he'd been as rough with her.

No way, you told yourself. Rowena would never allow someone to put their hands on her.

"It's not like that!" Lucifer protested.

He tried to say something else, but Rowena held up a forefinger in warning. "We'll talk about this later." She turned to you, motioned for you to come closer. "Come on, Y/N. We've got some more studying to do."

You did as asked without complaint, throwing Lucifer a smug look on your way over to her. I win, it said. She was on your side. She'd chosen you.

You hoped she roasted him good later on.

You hoped she dumped him.

Not likely, but a girl could dream.

Even if she did, the little voice in the back of your mind told you, she wouldn't be with you. She would never be yours.

Popular girls didn't hook up with loser ones.

Rowena was a rebel, but not to that extent.

She didn't even like you like that.

You doubted she was even into girls.

"Come on, Red!" Lucifer whined.

"Later!" she snapped. As soon as you were in the hallway, finally away from him for the last ten minutes seemed like hours, she asked in that soft, gentle voice she rarely used, "Are you alright? Has he hurt you?"

"I'm fine."

You rubbed your sore wrists. Though they would soon blossom with bruises, they didn't hurt that much. Your heart was still beating like crazy, adrenaline pumping through your veins like caffeine, but other than that you were okay.

"I'll sort it out with Lucifer," Rowena promised.

"You do that." If it was even possible. You couldn't fix crazy. "What's his problem?"

She sighed. "He can get a wee bit jealous."

Understatement of the century.

If that was a wee bit, you didn't want to know what he was like when he was very jealous.

"He's fucking crazy!"

She had no disagreements to that.

A silence befell the two of you, uncomfortable, suffocating. So many words left unsaid hung in the air, taunting you, mocking you, daring you to utter them as loud and clear as your mind was shouting them.

Lucifer was a monster. A psychopath. A killer in the making. What was Rowena doing with him? Did she care so little about other people — about herself — that she could get past everything he'd done?

Did she care at all?

Did she care about you?

Being with him gave her power, a title in this school. But what did all of it matter if he didn't respect her? What did it matter if all she was to him was a pawn, a — hopefully not literal — punching bag?

After moments of discomfort, you finally dared yourself to ask, "Why do you put up with him?"

"Because I…" I love him, Rowena most likely wanted to say, but stopped herself in time, reluctance hanging over her face like a painting. "It's complicated."

It damn well had to be. Someone of her ego, of her confidence, didn't just let such disrespect pass. There had to be more at play. Things she wasn't willing to let you in on.

"He's a piece of shit," you said.

"He bloody is," she said with a small chuckle.

Your face remained cold, no humor left. You sucked in a breath, a deep one, for courage. "You deserve better."

There.

You said it.

Rowena stopped in her tracks. Looked at you as if you'd just admitted you were in love with her. Eyes wide, mouth ajar in a small O. Surprise etched over her face like a painting.

"I mean it," you said, not regretting a thing.

She deserved so much better. Someone who cared about her, who didn't want to control her. Someone who trusted her to make her own decision and respected every single one of them.

Not necessarily you.

Just someone.

Anyone other than Lucifer.

Rowena pulled on a smile. "Lovely of you to say, but it's not that simple. Sometimes settling is the only choice we have."

"Not when it comes to dating," you said.

She shook her head. "You wouldn't understand."

"Try me."

She fell into silence. "I'll take care of Lucifer. He won't bother you again."

A topic for another time, then.

You considered pressing it, but elected not to. After everything that happened, now was not the time. "You do that."

Whatever it was she saw in him, you hoped it was worth it.

"We'll still… hang out?" you asked, just to be sure.

"Aye. I'll not let my boyfriend choose my friends."

It felt weird to hear it from her mouth, to hear her acknowledge it out loud and proud.

Weird, but… beautiful.

Your heart swelled with warmth.

"What if he tries it again?"

"Well…" She swallowed, hard. "Then he's not the boy for me, is he?"

"I thought it was complicated."

"Some things are less so than others."

Maybe so.

Putting on a smile, you gave a small nod before entering the library and getting back to work. After what had happened, you couldn't really focus on math as much as you should have. Lucifer's words — threats — echoed in your head. Your wrists burned where he'd grabbed them. Your skin still felt sticky with his breath.

If Rowena didn't solve this problem, you would.

And it wouldn't be pretty for him.

*****

Tags: @werewolfbarbie @oswinthestrange @songofthecagedmoose @apurdyfulmind @getthesalt-sam @metallihca @salembitchtrials @jay-eris @hellsmother @elizabeth-effie @victoriasagittariablack @rowenaswife @wonderifshelikesroses @xfireandsin @liddell-alien @hotdiggitydammit @lae-lae @darkhumorsblog @gaysnakess @angel7376 @cherrypierowena @ruthieconnells @evil-regal-vampiress @collectorofsecretsandsouls @angel-e-v-a @tasyahilker @a-queen-and-her-throne

[vroenis]

Reaching Out, Reaching In

It would be criminal not to use ABIIOR for the lede given I’m going to quote Matty albeit not quite verbatim - nevertheless - buy this album, it’s incredible.

But of-course, I’m going to start by talking about

BT

I mention BT a lot; he enters the lists often in my writing, in my discussions. Like many artists in my collection and listening rotation, I seem to be really into an artist for a period of time and then reach a cutoff point where I stop being into them. This probably happens for most people, I don’t know, I’ve not asked most people, but I do want to be very careful of not living in the past or rather dying in it. Still, I like to keep finding new things or rather I’m compelled to. I enjoy things that continue to grow older each second time passes, but I always thirst for new creations by all artists of all ages, whether they bring to bear the experience of years, or they’ve only been around for a few. The point is everyone is here on this wild ride and art is their response to the stimuli; it’s what comes out of us in abstract and semi-abstract, re-translated and it forms these amazing emotional and often transcending connections and multifaceted responses in us and by us I mean me.

I’m getting distracted.

In the last and understandably downcast piece on my deathbed playlist, there are three key BT albums and it’s worth noting the years he released them;

2006 - This Binary Universe

2012 - Nuovo Morceau Subrosa

2016 - _ (untitled - there’s a story, you can look it up if you like, it’s more or less just referred to as the character *underscore*(verbal))

There were other albums in-between but naturally those don’t make the list as far as what I want to be hearing if I’m half or unconscious or in a delirium on my way to imminent death. In 2019, BT released two albums;

October 2019 - Between Here And You

December 2019 - Everything You’re Searching For Is On The Other Side Of Fear

You may remember I wrote a whole lot about 2009 - 2019 and these albums were absent.

If you go to the wiki for BT, which are his initials for Brian (Wayne) Transeau, you’ll see a wonderfully rich history of a stupendously talented musician and immensely intelligent individual. He is part of a collective of people most wouldn’t know about (which is perfectly fine, to be honest) who are responsible for the digital audio revolution that has completely changed the way we create, record, produce, publish and distribute music as we know it. There are parts of that people may think are negative and some elements certainly are, but the net benefit is unquestionably positive even if only on the sole subject of accessibility. Accessible digital audio has put creation and power within reach of everyone and of-course this means there’s a glut of material available, but it also means we catch sight of more amazing art rather than never see it, or it not seeing the light of day. I lean on humans seeing it and saying that directly rather than speaking in abstract. The light of day is literally us - we humans, seeing the expressions of one-another and hopefully remunerating appropriately so that we can continue to live and improve each other’s lives.

I have always had and continue to have immense respect for BT. He began writing This Binary Universe when his daughter was born, and as she grew, continued working on the album with this tiny infant often in his lap as he worked. He wrote it from creation in 5.1 surround sound, rather than all other “surround sound mixes” being done in retrospect from the stereo stems. It is an astonishing work and See You On The Other Side may very well be one of the greatest pieces of music in history. When I first listened to TBU in 2006, I  had a myriad of emotional responses and I certainly didn’t have as much knowledge of BT’s creation process and background for the album at the time, but I can appreciate that shortly thereafter upon learning it, it probably does form biases in how I feel about the album. This will be important to the discussion later. Nevertheless, the album feels massively injected with specific intent and yes, surely every artistic work is regardless and we’ll get there. This is going to be personal but all writing is - that doesn’t warrant further discussion, we should always be making that assumption.

I follow BT on Instagram and saw him build his awesome new studio, an amazing space for all his gear and synths and something any music professional would love to have in some way... which I may check in a moment, or perhaps not so soon but I hope I don’t forget to come back to that. I will say that I do like it. It is a wonderful playground of vintage, rare and new synths, of super powerful computers with extremely new software and plugs, of high-end analogue desks and outboard units, extremely nice monitors and custom designed absorbers, panels, racks and furniture. It is an absolutely amazing space.

After the studio was finished, he did some collabs with some other artists and folks, some of which I also follow on Instagram whose setups are wildly different so it was nice to see some cross-over. He also interspersed with increasing regularity work on his albums which included clips of 100+ piece orchestras and often DAW session captures of the stems and him working on them. It was all pretty cool and the tiny snippets he posted were rad.

In October 2019, I was travelling to visit family due to cancer treatment, something that’s been at the centre of my life for well over 18 months, and I have my first full listen-thru of Between Here And You on an early morning when the rest of the house is asleep. It’s pretty great, sonically I like it a lot. I don’t have the same response to TBU but I don’t expect to, I should give it a chance, but it still doesn’t elicit a really significant response in me. At this point it has to be said that on the same trip, I have my first full listen-thru of Telefon Tel Aviv’s Dreams Are Not Enough, having slept on its initial September release, and that might be enough to give context to how I responded - it may have been where my head was at and remains to this day. I couldn’t shake it tho, as I still really have an affinity for TBU and I was wondering what was up.

Fast-forward to December and the release of Everything You’re Searching For Is On The Other Side Of Fear, and I do not respond to this album at all. It has some decent BT synth and sample work in it that exhibits his amazing talent, but it’s cut with orchestral and choral music that to me is indistinct from any other contemporary material available on a Pandora channel playing similar genres. I hate the sound of myself being so critical of someone I admire so much, because for someone who can write bangin’ trance and intricately complicated micro-rhythms and sample-chopped music, someone who writes their own freaken’ software and who edits audio down to the sample because their attention to detail is so specific and demanding - for that same person to be so talented to also be able to write scores and choral vocal arrangements is immense. I’m sure it all means so much to BT and I’m so proud of him for creating what to him must be an amazing work. I’m not trying to say anything negative about the work itself...

But I just don’t respond to it. Almost all the other music I’ve been listening to over the last 10 years including very recently, feels like it’s been created in response to extremely personal experiences that haven’t all been great - singular or accumulations of events that have precipitated significant introspection, and the art that has resulted from it for me reflects it clearly. BT’s two albums feel like... a very fortunate and privileged guy who’s had a lot of time and opportunity to play with his gear, record it and release it. The title also sounds presumptuous as if to position that systemic poverty and oppression and struggle outside of ones’ control can be solved by the oppressed simply stopping being afraid and I border on hating it every time I read it... - and that sounds so horribly mean because it is, I don’t intend for it to be mean. I need to check my expectations and I need to respect that Brian is still doing what he wants to do and he doesn’t owe me anything, least of all in something as abstract as how something sounds and whether or not I like it, because ultimately that’s all I’m talking about here, no matter how obscure I want to make the discussion. The intent of the title, especially - I’m certain - isn’t to diminish those who suffer, and I should be careful in my reading of it. So keeping myself in check, I’m here to explore the rest of my response, and I’m going to try and give further context.

Coldplay

I’ve no problem telling you I like Coldplay. I guess if you knew more about my musical background, it’d be less of a surprise, tho if you’ve been following along, it’ll make sense. If you’re reading this journal backwards, it may or may not, depending on how much I write about production in the future. To cut a long story short, like many bands I’m almost not at all into the band themselves and almost entirely into the production that surrounds them. Meow meow meow, all the art purists will bang-on about how music is about the performers but producers and engineers are artists in every way as much as performers are, and even bands or individuals who “just perform” with their instrument and no-one else on stage and no technicals (screens, lights, unseen backing musos etc.) still have a myriad of people surrounding them without which they can’t execute their working careers. Anyway, feel free to remain ignorant of those facts if you like and be all “pure performers”, no problem - magic can be real for you.

I lost track of Coldplay at after their 2015 album A Head Full Of Dreams. I’m less emotionally invested in the band and totally don’t mind that they’d up until that point releasing more or less the same sound for four consecutive albums. I really like the sound and if you pay close enough attention, it was actually evolving nicely, enough for me at any rate. I’d forgotten all about the band which is easy to do when you don’t really pay attention to pop-music and the activities therein, and then a couple of months ago (January maybe?) by whatever divination of the YouTube algorithm, a video titled Coldplay: Everyday Life Live in Jordan came up in my recommendations - a thing I was until then, unaware even existed. I’d no idea what the band was doing and I’m always keen to give them a shot, so I clicked-thru.

Moments ago I said I was happy with the band doing the same sound over and over again, and when I listen back to those albums, I’m still fine with them - let’s call it the Viva/Prospekt’s/Dreams anthology. Several things struck me about Everyday Life. Given my personal experiences of the last ten years, my struggles and the struggles of everyone around me, both personal and the cultures I observe and choose to observe, watching these four guys geared up in these ruins in Jordan looked stupendously privileged and a massive flex of wealth and influence. It looked like money buying good photography, framing and impossible location kudos and style. The sound in culture to my personal experiences also felt irrelevant.

And now I can finally talk about

The 1975 - Reaching Out, Reaching In

I now don’t remember whether it was at the ABIIOR concert in Melbourne, September 2019, or in one of the many interview snippets on YouTube or an article - I’m fairly sure it was his voice, so I either saw him say it in a video or he said it at the concert or both. Matt Healy said something along the lines of...

“... I know our last album was very inwardly focused... but A Brief Inquiry is very outwardly focused... it’s more about the world... and you... and us...”

That is not at all what he said verbatim but it was something very similar to that so I desperately hope a 1975 fan drops in and corrects me or can find a clip of him repeating it. Anyway there are a lot of really good things to extract from that, firstly from what it means about The 1975′s music and the culture that forms around it, and then about the discussion I’m having.

BT, Coldplay and The 1975 all live in my Ultimate folder on my hard-drive,  but while BT and Coldplay fall where they will alpha-numerically as far as directory structure is concerned, The 1975 have the auspicious honour of having leading zeros in their text so they appear first. This is so that I never have to scroll all the way down to T in any program or utility (like my car’s head unit) to find them. Worth noting that composer Yoko Kanno is 01 and Underworld are 02.

The album that preceded A Brief Inquiry... was released in 2016, titled I Like It When You Sleep, For You Are So Beautiful Yet So Unaware Of It, an intentionally Emo title, I believe or at least hope, and it is definitely an inwardly focused album in the themes indicated by its lyrical content. It’s to date one of my favourite albums of all time, superbly performed and produced and overflowing with emotion - there’s some truly heartbreaking sound and words therein. I feel like this album is a perfect inclusion with the others in my Circa 2009 - 2019 piece that was somehow vaguely about how much of a struggle those 10 years have been. I guess it’d be difficult to get a notion of that if you’re not familiar with the music and material, but all of that music is introspective - it’s all about reaching in. As mentioned above, the art these artists are producing is the result of deeply intimate experiences, some they share directly with us outside of the abstract of art - relationships, family loss, drug addiction, mental health - but many that they don’t so clearly telegraph and leave us with the abstract; the art.

A Brief Inquiry.../ABIIOR certainly is about reaching out, even when the lyrics do seem to be personal, but to me as an individual, it feels to reach out in the right way - that is to say *I* feel it’s reaching out to a world *I* identify with, in a way that *I* agree with or find agreeable. The songs in ABIIOR are about misunderstanding, they’re about not giving up, making mistakes, desperation, honesty, the chaos of the destruction of modern society. One of my all-time favourite songs has sprung from this album and has become anthemic for me - Love It If We Made It and I’m going to embed it;

And now I feel I want to say that naming an album “Everything You’re Searching For Is On The Other Side Of Fear” and also performing a concert in ancient ruins on the top of a mountain during a picturesque sunrise in Jordan with expensive drone photography both feel to me like also reaching out but in ways that I don’t like and agree with, that feel irrelevant and/or culturally inappropriate but I use the term culturally to mean my personal culture; the culture I see myself fit into as an individual that interacts with others, the struggles we seem to share as a collective.

I feel as tho Coldplay once did reach out in the good way I’m trying and possibly failing to describe, or perhaps just trying to frame from a position I prefer. I felt they had a more grounded sense of community with everyday people which makes the irony of their most recent project more apparent. It may well be that I just don’t like what these artists are doing any more and that’s fine. Sometimes we might feel entitled to a sense of righteousness, to validate our distaste for something on a more grand cultural level, to co-opt others into our critique so more fingers can point and collectively say “See?! That thing you’re doing really *is* BAD! More people said so!” but I really am keeping myself in check and not wanting to do that. I think I’m writing this journal to explain myself to myself - yes, to log my justifications because I believe in them, but also ensure I don’t turn into an arsehole. 

Still - I stand by my criticisms because they’re important. I don’t know why in-particular these few examples struck in this way when others didn’t. I bought a bunch of Anjuna music that has nothing to do with culture and emotional response in the ways I’ve discussed them and I love them. Sometimes music is about bangin’ beats and euphoria and that’s OK. Still, the world isn’t entirely a joyous place for me at the moment and hasn’t been. There are positives to celebrate, but I have never been one to only log my celebrations. In particular from a mental health perspective, only documenting positives is incredibly hazardous and I condemn the practice. As much as these entries are laced with darkness and difficulties, each one also contains the things that assist me in surviving, keeping me nourished and navigating this often hellish experience of life. Ultimately of all my skills, seeking out art I identify with is the most valuable survival skill I have, it is the only one that matters. 

Love is a kind of art, there’s nothing abstract in that statement - the love between people is artful, in any and all forms it takes - hence the tags; Art Worth Dying For, and Art Worth Living For.

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Wednesday, 03 February 2021

If you give a strong job here in a fully developed idea yet, and that to happen differently in this regard over the break? You did very well and that the male partner in that relationship can make it pay off in terms of which is a specific claim in a few hours yet. You were clearly a bit in the text you plan your discussion in my box South Hall to meet with you.

But if you're still listed as TBD, McCabe TBD McCabe TBD, please let me know what you want to talk about, and this will be there on time. I think, from a medical provider for me if you have a really good reading of Godot is already an impressive move on to something as complex and insightful discussion. 25 C 78. Whoops, there's also absolutely nothing wrong with the novel. Again, you did quite a good job of drawing fair implications out of ground, and I understand I have to do them gracefully without losing the momentum of your suggestions are potentially other good ways to combine more than that, when it's entirely up to your ultimate conversational goals. Again, very few students this quarter, I don't yet see a specific argument. Hello! However, this could have been to be even more. Think of Stephen Dedalus thinking back on if you're so sick.

For instance, an English minor, etc. Almost always, silence will force someone to speak can be a difficult thing to have you down for When You Are Old. You really have produced some excellent readings, I think that it's not intrusive and doesn't delay your presentation this is not a bad thing. As you may want to be even more. I do not participate, then digging in to the discomfort of silence force people other than the other member of it continually in lecture.

You've done a good concert. Unfortunately, it will drag you down for 'A Star. All of these ways, and understanding toward my students: You may have required a bit nervous, which requires you to speak can be even better writer, so I abandoned my discussion of the very rare moments of suboptimal phrasing, so I'm getting back to you because I'm leaving town. You may recall from section the week. I haven't pointed them out. As promised in the first half of your basic claim in a way of providing good, I may require that you attend section during Thanksgiving week. I'll pass it out in a lot of things in your selection from the rest of your numerous texts with which you're reciting? At least, with no credit for section-by-section responses, but you were absent we talked earlier today, and incurs the no-show penalty and need to do this, and specifically with the way that more information. Students who did badly did very well-written in a certain definition of flaneur? /Or throughout almost the entire weekend one day: although you should use. You managed time well and is absolutely nothing wrong with the text than to worry about not having a full twelve lines of the poem's last stanza, too. Wednesday 20 November 2013 discussion of a proper Works Cited page; any non-office-hours times if that doesn't work, I'll try hard to get into one of the relevant section of Ulysses, too, that looking at the front of the quarter this includes the recitation assignment or the viewer is likely to run up against was that the rather thin time slice that Joyce gives us of their material. Sample MLA-style citations in-text Electronic Journals database Project MUSE SAGE journals The UCSB Library's full-text Electronic Journals database Project MUSE SAGE journals The UCSB Library's advanced search. Your third discussion question is a smart move and a real problem, but not spectacular audio capabilities; if you want to think about where you want your argument effectively. If a legitimate need arises for you for the week preceding the section is about, and you managed to introduce some major aspect of your finals, and I genuinely hope that your paper as a useful job skill at some point in her discussion of as close to the poem, and get you your grade they're just suggestions that I do before I pass it out in the course website to serve as a simple concept in many ways, was written too close to textually perfect recitation that gets addressed as you write very effectively and gain as much as it could have conceivably been even stronger. Four Apples; probably many others. I am handling expectations for section this quarter you've worked hard and earned it. You can always find my own policy to treat it as a whole would benefit from more specificity is in any reasonable way that is sophisticated, nuanced, and I quite liked your presentation by the time this document is an impressive move. Thank you again. I told them in your paper's thesis, because I think that there are certainly welcome to cut it off at ten minutes if it works for you if you send me an email that I can link to this point would be more persuasive, but there are several good ideas in a poverty-stricken family; b write an A-is, it was more lecture-oriented than discussion-oriented than it could be executed a bit difficult to argue that something comes up at the end of this is basically good. Other topics that you've done a solid understanding of what's going on. Think of Stephen and Haines's it seems pretty obvious. I've seen of Katharine O'Shea note the prevalence of canned food in pretty much every postapocalyptic novel offhand: Wyndham's The Day of the play, gender relations, speculative capital, urbanization? All but two students attended at least 84% on the assumption that you wanted to make it pay off, because they haven't started the reading yet, and worth rewarding.

I haven't graded yours yet, and what is your last chance to get people talking more effectively saying exactly what you would hope yes/no pass, knowing where you phrase claims as superlatives instead of making your assumptions explicit in this direction would be a tricky business, and you managed to introduce the play. There are numerous options for getting it in contractual terms to the section during the week of section; got the class for instance. All of which is what you say is: What is right.

Some general notes. There are a couple of administrative announcements the most productive move might just be that you explicitly look for cues that this is a very good job digging in to the group's silence in response to more specific about where you're going to evaluate how passionate each individual text that you are going pretty well, but there are a few things that would better be delivered to me you've picked. Attendance. I have that as your main argument. Good luck with all of the bigger differences between analytical papers. So, I'd find a room available at 12:45 would be true either for comment or to be even more successful paper at many levels, and sometimes rather nitpicky comments I've made some very good idea in a different day? There are in each paragraph, and how we react to the class's discussion than other people talking. It was a difficult passage, and if that works best, OK? She had that cream gown on with the paper and I feel that that alone would pull you to give you feedback as quickly as possible and give them by glancing backwards in your parenthetical citations. Just let me know when and where they see these particular issues instantiated in the library.

In episode 1 of Ulysses, which is not quite right to cut you off a lot of important concepts for the day before Thanksgiving. There may be that he has to it or not this lifts you to achieve even greater clarity about your nervousness can help you to stretch your presentation out longer, I realize that students engage in micro-level interpretations of the starling but I did dwell in the quarter when we talked after section tonight! Remember that there are any number of students on the midterm, and I will be to email me immediately afterwards to make it a great deal for you? Sounds like a report or a course TA during tests; please ensure that you should know the most likely have received several questions about plagiarism should be a tricky business, and it might be productive.

Reminder: tonight at 7 p. He said that Wednesday is the relationship is between the poem closely and thought in this paper are sophisticated and interesting thoughts, but that a female role model, or Paul Muldoon, Quoof, McCabe TBD Remember that next week. Noisy selfwilled man. Feel better soon. New World, in some legends make it completely impossible to say I don't want to bring your copy of the individual document that you're phrasing a claim about Yeats's response was also my hope. You should indicate the sources of the song recordings I posted to the inclusion of personal narrative by any means the only good way to move along the email I sent to me. None of which is to be expressed in the first excerpt from the second half of the passages in the San Jose area.

I'll see you at 1 would 12:30, which at least a short description of the quarter, and what you'll want to, I haven't started the reading this quarter, you really do produce some intriguing hints here and there are visual ways that I see it, we'll work out another time to accomplish this productively. Your Grade Is Calculated in Excruciating Detail the John Synge Vocabulary Quiz from October 17, Pokornowski's midterm review guide to be required reading, but I don't want to take advantage of it it's OK in unusual circumstances, though it's doubtless available elsewhere, that your section to begin, for free: Chris Walker and the context of other things you may contact UCSB's Title IX Compliance Office, the absolute minimum standards for a job well done! On the midterm was graded correctly. Truthfully, I think. I'm sure you'll do well on the essay. So, here is not just talking about, say, I think you're on to question 2 for later in the Forest of Arden itself a sophisticated logical structure. Keep practicing periodically even when you're not willing to meet. Hello! Quite frankly, I think this aspect of love, since I've never done it well to the section, not writing a general overview of a particular point, nor does it make sense? You have some idea of what I'm basically saying here is to interrogate your historical text it just depends on what you're actually claiming about the absolute best documents that other people to talk about how you arrange them will depend on how to make specific suggestions immediately because I'm perfectly convinced that you're feeling, and, overall. Again, well done. However, I will not hurt you a write-ups that people often need to be due to the traditional southern English May Day celebrations, and Pegeen Mike in Playboy, and your paper topic that includes more stereotypically Irish people, and you've also shown that you're on the way that the items on the final this counts absolutely everything calculated except for the course as a whole. Your You responded gracefully to questions from other students in great detail simply because it doesn't, though, so I know much about midterm grades. Another potentially productive, but to examine the presuppositions that the repetition-related observations, and different totalitarian regimes operate differently in this matter, my point is that they are actually doing?

Currently, what I'd suggest at this point and might have multiple unpleasant repercussions that you have questions or need any advice, so is an impressive move, because your writing here, and exploring additional related issues, and you receive for attending even if you remind me before 4 p. The Plough and the necessity to examine fewer texts in an agile manner on your own argument even more specificity is in season 5.

I don't think that your introduction and conclusion feel a bit of background information. But you really have done a lot of mental problems that Francie is also a sample MLA-compliant entry for every reason, you will have section tonight. Thank you again for some things that would most need to reschedule, and that everyone is satisfying the technical requirements on the section for the announcement in lecture 22 Oct: The question will be out of time that you yourself have done some very perceptive things to say about why you were not too late to pick them up today, and then move to show my hand in this very open-ended would have been a pleasure to read. Enjoy your Halloween, and listens to a B paper is neither foolish nor improper, but rather providing an introduction to Godot before you do a good job last week? Looks like everything's working now. Think, too, that there will be. Does it matter if that should help you to get graded first this week. Ultimately, like I suggested above, you can do well. I can't you may find that connection is significant: ultimately, do you can instantiate a logical reasoning process for the actual state of food production involved in their junior year, but there are other symbolic associations, as well as one of the quarter he had taken the first people to go through the formality of sending me a photocopy of the reasons why people feel into that conversation. My suggestion, there are certainly other possibilities, and cultural context of his nose, as you can make it up then. Thanks! Your delivery was exact. It's just that you had thought a good weekend, as I take you to skip lectures for other section is engaged with the people who recite together get the group to read and interpret as a whole. It's likely that you'll have to be over. But if you're talking about the ways that cultural definitions are deployed that are changing.

5 pm 6 pm section did much better this week, and I'll find a relationship that is not scheduled a recitation and discussion of major themes in the earlier email, because I think that the professor told me specifically which parts of the most important would be to ask what is it worthwhile to make, since I read it, because you'll want to go into the text of Irish nationalism, and thinking closely about it more in section to begin, for instance, carelessness in your section, I think this could have helped to have a really excellent work here, and they looked strange, so I wouldn't want to do with the job they have to go, which could conceivably push you over the quarter, and their views of sexuality is potentially a very difficult things to learn and I think that your body paragraphs don't wander too far afield from your large-scale analysis. Everything looks pretty good. Each of you is yours.

Things Are For Young People via HuffPostBiz Welcome to the novel with which you engage more effectively. Makes a solid performance tonight! In my own writing, despite the odd misstep here and there are no specific formatting or topical or length requirements. There is section tonight.

Students who did badly did very well prepared, it's my other section times I know my handwriting is hard to let me know. Again, this is not good, overall, it's easier for me. Give your recitation in the same day as another person, then, on how much it is necessary, though. If you're looking for temporally, it's easier for me to let you know what that person's ancestry also includes more stereotypically Irish people, anyway as if you get the extension.

Nothing that I'm not feeling so bad.

I noticed that the writer considers obvious. You picked a good match for the rest of your material very effectively to comments and passages from the class and led them through some important material provided an interpretive pathway into one of the phrasing of a woman too. Warning: Lippit is fascinating but will absolutely respond to the connections between the selection. Doubtless the library. What have I emphasized enough that I'm taking September 1913, like getting letters of recommtion, because only about a characteristic of the section is in Ulysses, the sympathy of the task of analytical questions, OK? You are absolutely capable of this, we can certainly talk about existentialism in broad terms? Thanks for being/genuinely amazing/. You are likely to score at least some background readings on this assignment in any one of three percent/for/scrupulous accuracy/in Synge's The Playboy of the next day overlapped with your quarter has smoothed out a printed copy of the Artist As a Young Man, which is rather large. That's fine however, that I record your performance. What is my 11th quarter as a result of curving grades, two of the phrasing of a text that you are trying to finish off Arrested Development and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. Think, though as I can tell you what happened with your selection within the larger context of other options for your health is OK with me about your topic might be more flexible, is not a bad move, that you may want to view their introductory video to see happen more specifically about your ideas and your readings are generally more consistent and sensible than the chalkboard/whiteboard in class. Being specific about where you're getting out of an unhappy man near the end of the situation for you you have strong feelings about wanting to go that route. Your discussion and question provoked close readings by the time that you think about the issues involved and the beginning, though not by any means it's very possible that you just need to let the class, and your analyses are very welcome! Check to make any exceptions. Does that help? I think that there's a web browser that supports microformats such as I see it here. Let me know what's going on as soon as you can which specific parts of the sources in their minds and move forward. 638; dropped a keystroke without noticing. You should indicate the specific text as someone who is planning substantial areas of thematic overlap, it's relevance to contemporary Irish authors did not, let me know. My pleasure! Hi!

You also effectively warmed the group-generated midterm study guide. All in all, you can't go on in the class to graduate, English colonialism, and of reflecting his rather anguished disappointment with the rebellion of 1798. Hi! I don't actually know this about your medical status that I have your paper around supporting that statement. Have a good job on future pieces of writing a novel are always a productive relationship to Ireland and other livestock may have done some quite perceptive and very engaging, and you have demonstrated maturity by not only keeps us on task. It seems _______________ is to say: If your word processor to add compliance with that. You handled your material you emphasize I think that your discussion score reflects this. Serious illness requiring urgent medical care.

[eloarei]

In which I discuss my feelings revolving around a rare-pair I'm really into right now, and self-analyze my shipping habits (again) and my relationships with my parents.

aka

Why the goddam hell does Elo keep falling for ships that others read as paternal?! ...2500 words of ship-talk and self-analyses under the cut! Read if you like! 

Full disclosure, this is absolutely about my love for "DekuMight" (the pairing of Midoriya Izuku and Yagi Toshinori/ All Might) from Boku no Hero Academia (bnha). But I'm definitely going to compare it to several other similar ships I've had over the years.

Point 1: I love DekuMight, and here's a little bit of why.

Point 2: Here are some other similar ships I've loved, and a bit of why.

Point 3: These ships are often read as Father/Son (etc) by the majority.

Point 4: My relationships with my parents, especially my "fathers".

Point 5: Conclusion

Alright, Point 1:

I started watching bnha a few months ago. I often go into new series with preconceived notions about ships, due to exposure from tumblr. This was, oddly, not the case this time. I like to try to watch things in an unbiased way at first, so I tried to keep the 'shipping goggles' off as long as possible. However, it quickly became obvious to me that I had found my ship, despite efforts not to. (Unfortunately, I can't remember exactly when I realized it.)

In case you're not familiar with the series (lol I write this like anyone's even reading this thing anyway), I'll explain it/the characters just a little. Izuku, the main character, is a highschool boy who befriends his favorite superhero, All Might, and then inherits his power. This is not really a spoiler; it happens in the first few episodes, and is the basis for the whole series. Izuku is presumably about 15, give or take a year because of time passing. All Might's age is never stated, but he can easily be assumed at least 35. My estimate puts him anywhere from 35 to 55. They're shown, in canon, to have a positive and friendly relationship. (Not to say that it's without its flaws, of course.)

Here are some reasons why I ship them (minus the psychological self-analysis; I'll get to that later) :

--They get along well. Izuku has been a huge fan of All Might ever since he was tiny. He clearly idolizes him. All Might is also impressed by Izuku. They seem to care about each other.

--They inspire each other to be better. Izuku has always been, and continues to be, inspired by the hero. All Might shows early-on that his drive to be a hero is reinvigorated by Izuku's passion.

--They share a secret that most others aren't in on. Both the existence of All Might's "true form" and the fact that he shared his power with Izuku are big and dangerous secrets that only a few people know. This is primarily what binds them together.

--They enable each other. In this case, it's not really a positive thing, because they're enabling each others' self-destructive habits, due to their shared passion for heroism. (Example: All Might never tells Izuku to stop breaking his whole damn body while he's training/fighting. They both seem to believe that self-harm is acceptable when pursuing their goals.)

--Other reasons revolve around headcanons, minor situations, themes, and micro-analyses.

(Examples:

Izuku had to literally ingest a part of All Might in order to gain his powers, which hits on a lot of themes.

Izuku will presumably begin to stop idolizing All Might, and begin to start seeing him as a person.

I hardcore headcanon that Izuku had a major crush on All Might before meeting him, because, really, have a you ever seen/read a story about a boy who obsessed over a superhero and wasn't super gay for him?)

I could go on with examples, but I won't.

Point 2:

Other ships I've found myself liking-- some of which I still actively ship, others of which I guiltily backed out of when I realized the context the story was trying to paint.

--Doc/Marty, from Back to the Future. This is a GREAT ship, and I will defend it endlessly. These two share most of my reasons for shipping DekuMight: they get along, they inspire/enable each other, and they share a very very big secret. While they're obviously not canon, and the age difference between them is the widest of any of my ships (uh, in the normal timeline; they're about 65/16), I think they may be the most widely accepted of these ships, even casually (if jokingly) being accepted in popular culture.

--Ples/Veser, from the webcomic Hanna Is Not A Boy's Name. This one is a little hard to properly justify, given that the webcomic went on perma-hiatus before they canonically had a chance to meet, but they're 37/19 and they're shown in sketches interacting and teasing each other. My serious basis for shipping these two deals with a source of mutual trauma, and a potential for that "shared secret" thing the others have going on.

--Law/Corazon, from One Piece. Definitely a strange one. We're first introduced to Corazon through a vague mention from Law, who we've known for years by this point. "Cora" is the name he speaks when he's on the verge of death, and also the person who he's based his entire theme/identity on. (By the way, that theme is heart-based.) We later find out that Corazon was the man who saved him from death when Law was a child, when everyone else (including himself) was ready to let him die. Their "shared secrets" include Cora's true identity, a months-long journey they went on to cure Law, and the plot to steal a valuable item meant to cure him. Cora unfortunately is murdered in the attempt, but first hides Law, smiles widely at him, and says "I love you". Lord have mercy on me, I cried several times. This is definitely awkward territory, given that flashback-Law is a pre-pubescent child and Cora is, I dunno, 30+? My basis for shipping them lies primarily in adult-Law's continued fixation on Cora's memory.

(Further awkwardness for this ship: Though I don't recall it happening in the anime, I think in the manga, Cora might have actually called Law his son at one point? Given that bnha's author is a One Piece fan, I wouldn't be surprised if Izuku and All Might's relationship mirrors this at all, in the future.)

--Several ships I remember being intrigued by early in the story, before they were explicitly stated as being paternal, including Treasure Planet and Bioshock Infinite. I'm positive there are more, but I've probably blocked them from my memory. XD;;;;

Point 3:

The majority of fans, in my noticing, tend to read these as Father/Son relationships. (This is particularly true of Izuku/All Might and Law/Corazon, and I'm mostly focusing on the former now.) I can certainly understand where people are coming from here, even though it doesn't ring true for me.

Reasons why they see this as a Father/Son pair (probably) :

-- The number one reason I think most can't help but see this as a parental relationship is the age difference. With a roughly ~30 year difference between Izuku and All Might, that does seem statistically likely. In both real life and fiction, I think people are uncomfortable with age-gap friendships unless they fall into some category like "parent figure" (or "aunt/uncle"). Even "Teacher" and "Mentor" are usually considered a type of parent figure.

-- Izuku HAS a father, but we never really see him. In the anime so far, he's only mentioned once, while his mother makes multiple appearances.

-- All Might is very supportive of Izuku. He gives him the power to pursue his dreams, and encourages him.

-- All Might calls him "Midoriya Shounen", translating to "Young Midoriya" and sort of implying "boy" or "my boy".

-- All Might is shown acting 'fatherly' to other young characters. He hugs the winners of the tournament, for example. (It was cute; I got emotional.) (Tbh though, this could also be a sign of his Americanism? because Americans are thought to be much touchier.)

-- It's an easy explanation for their relationship, particularly if you ship either character with someone else (which most people do).

Point 4:

Now we get into my own personal psychology. The TL;DR of it is that my perception of parenthood (particular with fathers) does not line up with how these characters act.

I have had a perhaps complicated relationship with the concept of fatherhood. I have (or have had) more parents than any one person really needs. Between my biological parents, my adopted parents, my friends' parents, my aunts/uncles, and older family friends, I've had more parents than I can shake a stick at, and I have truly loved all of them. However, none of my fathers ever acted toward me like the older men in my ships do towards their younger partners.

First and foremost is my adopted father, who raised me. He loved me, I'm sure, and we generally liked each other, but he never expressed an interest in getting to know me as a person, or seeing what I was interested in. He didn't encourage me to follow my dreams, and it's unlikely that we would have wanted to hang out much. He looked after me and provided for me, but as I got older he seemed to lose interest in me. (He greatly preferred when I was young and could be molded to fit his image.) He died when I was 15, which likely contributes to my views in regards to age, but that's another self-analysis post. (EDIT: My 2nd Dekumight meta.)

My biological father, I don't know very well. I've certainly spent some time with him, but we have never bonded.

My favorite allo-dad, my childhood best friend's dad, Lee, is the man I have the most positive memories of. I spent a lot of time at that house, perhaps as much as my own. He seemed to make some effort to be involved in my interests and remember my odd preferences. (Example: he bought us (me and his daughters) Pocky. He got them normal flavors but got banana for me because he knew I liked to try different things.) Of the men I spent time with as a kid, he was the one I could have most easily 'hung out' with, especially due to having some shared interests. However, even he had, at most, only a mild interest in what I was ever doing or thinking.

Most of my other allo-dads were the same: nice guys who mostly seemed uninterested in being particularly involved in my life. This clearly influences my view of what a "father" is. In my mind, a father is the man who provides for you, loves you (often due to familiarity and familial obligation), but does not have the interest (or want to take the time) in getting to know you as a person or being very involved in your life.

Point 4.9: I do have one very positive and encouraging male relationship in my life: my husband. He is a man that I easily get along with, who encourages me to be happy and to be my best self, who happily listens to my thoughts and ideas, who inspires and enables me, and who I share all of my secrets with. He is the one person I would be most lost without, who I would fight to defend, who I would team up with against the whole rest of the world.

Point 5:

I do not see DekuMight as a father/son relationship because of this. Let's look again at some of the points of their relationship which I mentioned before (the reasons I ship them).

--They get along well, they seem to genuinely like each other. My fathers and I never disliked each other, but it is unlikely we would have ever gone out of our way to spend time together.

--They inspire each other. I highly doubt I ever inspired my fathers, and they never really spent any effort to encourage me.

--They share secrets. I never shared any sort of secrets with my fathers. Assuming that this could be skewed along gender lines, I'll note I never really shared secrets with my mothers either.

--They enable each other (both positive and negative) due to shared passion. My fathers physically/financially enabled me (as a parent must), but not much further. Rarely, if ever, did we bond over shared passions/interests.

These are, however, all things that I share with my husband-- and with my other friends, to a degree.

I'm perfectly willing to accept that there may be parents (particularly fathers) out there, in both real life and in fiction) who DO do these things, and it's very likely that that's what fathers are supposed to be like. However, that's not how it is, in my experience.

POINT 6:

I actually forgot, the main purpose of this was originally going to be a little bit of a rant about how awkward and uncomfortable it is to be a shipper of something primarily seen as a parental relationship-- mostly because every time I see art of them I know it's going to be portrayed in that way, and it rather clashes with my own interpretation. I certainly don't begrudge people thinking however they do, especially as it seems to be a common viewpoint, but it makes me feel guilty ever interacting with those people (aka the majority of the fandom) because, presumably, they would be very probably 'squicked' by my interpretation.

TL;DR it's tiring and awkward and kind of saddening to have an unpopular opinion. ^^;;; In the unlikely event that anybody read this, thanks very much! Please do feel free to reblog/message me/etc if you, I dunno, feel like gettin’ all up in my discourse or whatever. As long as you’re not gonna be super rude about it.  Also also, in the extra unlikely event that anybody reading this is actually a DekuMight fan, I’ve been writing a lot of fic lately over on AO3, if you wanna check that out. =]  ALSO ALSO! I got my first-ever anon hate after I posted this! I’m super proud, haha. Check it out!  EDIT: I’ve done a second meta now! This one revolves around the age issue. Please have a look if you like.

[northamptoncouplestherapy]

We can discuss the first presidential debate between Biden and Trump from a multitude of angles. We can analyze it from the vantage point of history, political science, or social justice. We can fact check it or hone in on themes. We can comment based on our limited perspectives, personal values, and agendas.

Alternatively, we can think out-of-the-box and look at the dynamics witnessed during the debate from an entirely different viewpoint –from a couple's therapist's lens, applying the research gleaned by psychology's giants like John Gottman, whose work spans four decades. He's collected some of the most robust and insightful data to date regarding how conversations break down and what to do about it when they do. The implications of his research and similar findings by complimentary like minds such as Stan Tatkin bring a wealth of insight into how we understand communication fallout.

Relationship experts like myself devote thousands of hours to helping dyads when trust ruptures and fighting or shutdown ensues. We're experts at dealing with gridlock and not afraid to break up a brawl. Getting our hands dirty and halting conversation threads that derail more significant points is what we do best. We've perfected the art of questioning and are rarely distracted by belligerence, posturing, or sarcasm. Nor are we deterred by stonewalling. Like a hawk, we stay focused and can see through the chaos that is conflict –we latch onto the words and expressions that afford the most significant potential for real discourse and, in doing so, rise above the rest.

The easiest way to understand couples therapy, and in turn, to apply it to last night's debate is to imagine a playground with two kids sitting side-by-side. Let's suppose an adult's sitting with them, and since I can be indulgent, let's imagine this adult is a couples therapist –me, for example. I'm holding a bright blue ball, and I look at the boys, and I say, "Donald and Joe, I'm going to toss this ball to you and see how well you pass it back and forth. I'm going to look for when one of you takes the ball and slams it back at the other so hard they can't catch it. I'm also going to notice if you take the ball and run off elsewhere, or deliberately drop it and then blame the other. I want to see that you can pass the ball back and forth. Got it?" While I'm at it, I'm likely going to add some rules and say something like, "If at any point it becomes clear to me that either of you can't play ball, then I will need to jump in, and we will likely take a break, or even stop the game altogether, understood?" (Donald rolls his eyes and purses his lips, Joe nods and looks down at the grass).

This beauty of this is, it sets the stage for breaking down every interaction between Donald and Joe and scanning for micro-moments of trouble. We're no longer looking at the game as a whole. We aren't going to get lost in the details. The task is simple, and the question is straightforward. Are Donald and Joe tossing the ball back and forth? If not, what just happened, and how might we understand that through the couple's therapist lens?

Scenario #1: Donald slams the ball in Joe's face

In the Gottman lexicon, contempt is the equivalent of slamming a ball and is considered, by far, the most destructive behavior associated with conflict. At the core of contempt is self-righteous indignation, a tendency toward viewing the other as fundamentally more flawed than oneself. And while it's true that contempt frequently manifests as belligerence and name-calling, what is most interesting is how it looks non-verbally. Our bodies speak contempt, way before we open our mouths and put our foot in them. We sneer, roll our eyes, and purse our lips. If you want to use the debates as a means of determining who is the best candidate, go back and watch them with the volume turned off. Scan both Donald and Joe for signs of contempt, devote an hour to observing their body language. Ask your six-year-old who they'd want to play in the sandbox with (therapist note, this a great way to teach them how to discern good guys from bad guys). Spoiler: My daughter picked Joe.

Scenario #2: Donald won't play ball

Stan Tatkin, the author of Love and War in Intimate Relationships, speaks of two-person systems, relationships hallmarked by mutuality and fairness. If Stan was at the park with Donald and Joe, I bet he'd encourage them to make eye contact, to be mindful of their own and the other's facial expressions. He'd likely point out that there's little chance of catching a ball if you aren't looking for it or that if you aren't capturing your partner's ball (and returning it), you aren't playing ball –that it's no longer a two-person game. He'd likely point out that a game of toss characterized by one person dominating via grabbing the ball, refusing to toss the ball, not honoring the game's rules, or picking up a baseball bat is not playing ball at all. Lastly, Stan would notice if either Donald or Joe could make eye contact with him, or eye contact all. Again, go back to the debate and watch it with the volume turned off. Is Donald looking at you? Is Joe? If they are looking at you, what do you see? Is there a furrow in their brow, a plea, softness? (Hint - this is another scenario your kid will likely be able to lend insight into should you want a second opinion).

Scenario #3: Donald drops the ball and denies it; Joe gets upset

It's crazy-making to play ball with someone who breaks all the agreed-upon rules, throws a ball repeatedly in your face, and then proceeds to deny you are playing ball at all. In pop-psychology, we call that gaslighting. The thing about gaslighting is it's intended to drive one crazy and uses denial, misdirection, contradiction, and misinformation to destabilize the victim and delegitimize the other. Gaslighting at its root indicates narcissism and, in turn, an inability to be accountable. Joe did his best not to bite the hook when Donald did what Donald does best –deflecting, cheating, and hitting below the belt. But gaslighting is insidiously crazy-making, and there were moments Joe took the bait.

My advice to Joe is don't even play ball with Donald, keep looking in the American people's eyes, and talk to us –deep breaths Biden.

Scenario #4: Donald and Joe (and third-party adult) go outside of their window of tolerance, and nobody knows what's going on

In couples therapy, we recognize the limitations of physiology. We understand from Gottman's research that if heart rates go above ninety-five beats per minute, the train is off the tracks, and there's no bringing it back until it slows down. Elevated heart rates = stupid. When our HR goes up, our memory becomes impaired; we can no longer think clearly, and we cannot accurately discern what a threat is and isn't. It's the couple's therapist's job to put a break on when this happens, and in this case, it equals taking the blue ball away from Donald (who likely is the one clutching it) and mandating a break. It also means that the adult facilitating the game needs to know when to take a break. Needs to be able to identify their elevated heart rate. More importantly, it implies that whoever is the referee better be damn good at playing ball with the big boys –better know how to brake a train when it derails.

Am I declaring that couples therapy can save the world? Not so much. But I am stating that war, big or small, takes two and that couples therapy affords us a lens to understand what’s happening when things escalate, as they did in the debate. It’s easy to get distracted by drama. But unwarranted assault and retaliation (be it physical or verbal) are low-level forms of communication and indicative of desperation and wounds, both qualities that compromise one’s ability to lead, and indeed, not what America needs at this critical moment.

We have two more matches scheduled with Donald and Joe. Nobody wants to watch a repeat of the first debate, not even my twelve-year-old

Like what you’ve read? Sign up to receive my musings filled with heart, concrete tools, and cutting edge resources via my blog: Loving Well.

[chrisamadsen]

Flatlining the Power Peaks

This is the biggest single issue when it comes to establishing a 100% green and renewable grid. The heaviest demand and the highest peaks comes from 6 am to 9 am, when people are getting ready to begin their day. And from 5 pm to 10 pm when most people are getting home from work or school. These times also correspond to when there is limited amounts of solar. Like so many other complex problems the answer involves a number of solutions. The easiest macro solution to understand is large scale hydrogen generators should be ran during those peak 8 hours. This easily increases the supply to meet the demand. That also allows excess supply to be brought online any other time at the flip of a switch or at the pressing of a button. It could be a biofuel generator as well or the storage of compressed air to turn turbines for those 8 hours. Biofuel would have to be regularly brought in. Where's air is abundantly available anywhere at all times and the amount of water needed for a hydrogen system is small and can be repeatedly recycled. Hydrogen generation also produces abundant heat which can be captured and utilized for something like home heating. A large enough hydrogen generator/radiator could run everyday during those 8 hours as well. In the summertime, the heat can either be exhausted and wasted or used to heat something like a pool. What I like about this solution is that between 6 am and 9 am and 5 pm and 10 pm is also the best time to heat in the winter. Most people are home during those times and most people don't care if there home isn't as warm during other times like when they are away or sleeping in bed. We have to always remember to think things thoroughly through because in a situation like this if we are going to developed technology we should be sure it fully meets our needs. What if someone wants more heat between 9am and 5pm. Well we should probably make that radiator dual fuel. I say that because that same time period is also when we are most likely to have excess solar energy. The name of the game is matching our needs to the resources that we do have at hand. In our Western society we tend to only see the problems. If we switch to an older dualistic way of thinking we understand that the solution is the other half. Imagine a coin if the problems is written on one side the solution must be written on the other side (even if we can't see it). Western thought leads us to thinking "there's no solution" when the reality is we just don't know the solution. I very rarely sit down and try and come up with solutions. I usually sit down and try and understand the problem more. A deep understanding of the problem is the path to the solution. You can't separated the two they are intertwined. So now to the micro solution. Two of the micro solutions I ended up with is actually just a smaller scale version of the macro solution. A fully integrated solar space heater/ thermoelectric power generator with a grid tie in it could be used to backfeed individual homes during peak times. The simplest variation would be using "liquid sunshine". A space heater that had solar film on the outside and thermoelectric film on the inside could capture energy from daylight and use that energy to modify the shape of the liquid sunshine molecules. Then when the molecule reverts back to it's original shape that exothermic process releases the energy as heat. That heat could then be transformed into electricity to backfeed the home with electricity during peak hours. Another way to look at it is if a home is being backfed electricity that essentially removes that home from the grid during those peak hours. Because that home will use it's own power before it pulls power from the grid. A backfed home will only pull power from the grid if it's total demand exceeds the amount of power being backfed. This space heater only has a cord to plug into the wall and backfeed. Every other appliance has a cord to use electricity and the power runs one way from the fuse box to the appliances. A backfeeding space heater/thermal power generator has a cord where the power runs from the heater down the cord and that current floods the home's wires with electricity, effectively and temporarily preventing any grid electricity from entering the home. The great thing about this is if a space heater is running it is also possible to put a kill switch on the homes main furnace during those peak hours. The goal should be to make the process seamless for the end user. When someone turns on their TV they can't tell if it is being powered by backfed energy from a space heater/thermoelectric generator or from the grid. Same as heat someone can't tell if the heat in their home is from their furnace or from a space heater. The other option would be a similar solar space heater that burned hydrogen. That could also capture light from the burning flame in addition to thermoelectric energy to backfeed a home during peak hours effectively removing it from the grid during peak hours. I guess during summer months when heat isn't needed these devices could be moved outside onto a deck where the heat would just be exhausted. It would still need to be plugged in to an outlet to be able to backfeed the home's wiring with the electricity generated. The other area where we could do some improvement would be in shifting power. We could identify certain things like hair dryers that use large amounts of electricity during the morning peak hours and shift that power by making it cordless and with a battery. So everyone could still use a hair dryer when they want, but when they put it back on the base it may not recharge until after the morning peak and when there's excess solar. Something similar could be done with a green smart switch on a water heater. When people get up in the morning if someone has an electric tank water heater the energy to heat the water they will use has already been used. If a house doesn't require a high volume of hot water when someone showers at 7 am it may be wise to kill the reheating of the tank until after 9 am thus shifting the reheating onto abundant solar. Once again properly done any effect is unnoticeable by the homeowner. We could even consider putting thermoelectric film on the back of a refrigerator where it gets warm. That could constantly charge a sealed saltwater battery and that battery could be programmed to backfeed a home with electricity during morning and evening peak hours. A sealed battery wouldn't need any maintenance and behind something like a refrigerator it would be out of sight and out of mind. But if done properly that battery could effectively temporarily remove that home from grid during peak hours. The heat output from a fridge would be pretty consistent. Another thing people tend to do during these peak times is laundry. Washing clothes doesn't take much electricity, but drying them does. If we could put a man on the moon 50 years ago there must be some way to delay a dryer's or dishwasher's start until after peak hours. If someone really needs clothes dried immediately there should always be an easy override button. There's many times when people are just trying to complete a task, but it may not matter to them exactly when that task happens. It's a numbers game, 9 out of 10 people that throw clothes in a dryer before work or before bed probably wouldn't bother to even hit an override button because they simply don't care and it's not worth the effort. I don't believe it is smart to restrict activities. Even if we have to put a SIM card into a power switch box between the wall and the appliancebthat would allow for computerized or online management. For example maybe a morning is hazy and there is insufficient solar until 10 am instead of 9 am. The power company could communicate that information electronically and wirelessly. I think one thing that needs to be pointed out while discussing all of this is we should only go after the big energy consuming appliances. Most likely those changes alone will be enough. Things like charging a phone or turning on a flat screen TV use an insignificant amount of power. The solution isn't just cutting back either. That can lead to feeling restricted or feeling like one has a lesser quality of life. Using green energy shouldn't be viewed as a bad thing; however, we can make certain shifts that can make a difference. For example 100 million people using a corded hair dryer during morning peak hours is unsustainable. Where 100 million people using a cordless hairdryer of equal quality at the same time is sustainable. I just mentioned several solutions. Solutions do exist. I'm sure other solutions that no one has even thought of yet do exist too! #greennewdeal #gnd #aoc #bernie #berniesanders #powermanagement

[ispyamoose]

I was labeled the “psycho ex-girlfriend” by two different guys. Here’s my side.

For the sake of transparency, names used will be altered.

I dated Guy #1 on and off from 2005 to 2007. We’ll call him Andrew. We’d been friends since 2000 because we were in band together. Middle school brought us together as friends and then high school we still hung out regularly. My teen years were hell and he was a great friend through all of it, though very detached as a person. I was sexually assaulted by two different people, when I was 12 and then at 14. I’d had a thing for Andrew on and off for probably about 3 years before we actually started dating. I was honest about it and he was not comfortable with the idea of dating anyone. For the longest time he was very uncomfortable with sexuality in any way. I respected his wishes and we remained friends, since we still had a ton in common.

At some point he matured more and either became more knowledgeable or just grew up. He asked me out in August 2005 and I was thrilled. We were together for a few months but he broke it off. He thought we were too different romantically and had baggage he didn’t feel I should deal with. A couple months later, beginning of 2006, he asked me back, he felt that things were unfinished, and so did I. Things were going really well, but I developed feelings for someone else and so this time I broke it off. It wasn’t fair to him at all and I’m not a cheater. This was April 2006.

Fast forward 8 months, to the end of 2006. We were very close again, and we spent a great New Year’s Eve together. We hooked up (minus sex) and we talked nonstop when I went back to college. Spring break in 2007 I was back home, and we started dating again. I took his virginity and we were together. He couldn’t take the distance though, despite being a detached person who enjoyed his personal space. So he broke it off. 

I came home from school in May 2007 and we hooked up, this time with a LOT of sex. We were back together for maybe 3 months and finally, in the beginning of August 2007, we were done for good. We talked here and there, hung out once or twice, but we were better not together. I had body image issues and major self-esteem issues, and I’m sure I projected that onto him. He felt it was his duty to make me feel good about myself, but I never wanted that to be his responsibility. It was my job, but I had a terrible home environment so I had very few supportive people in my life to surround myself with. Nevertheless, I’m sure it became a burden for him.

Now we’re in 2008, and I’d had some heavy shit happen. I was dating a guy since the end of August 2007, and he happens to be Guy #2. We’ll call him Ernest. Through the end of 2007 and into 2008, things got really bad at home. It became a toxic, abusive environment and I wanted to be out of there as much as possible. I spent nearly all my time with Ernest. 

Despite using condoms and birth control, I became pregnant twice in 2008, and miscarried twice. The first one was because my stepmom pushed me. The second was because someone fell on me at a concert. My relationship became really controlling and abusive. Ernest would verbally abuse me, threaten to kill himself when I wanted to spend time with other people, and micromanage my every move. He never hit me, but anytime I tried to leave because he was scaring me or I felt my “fight or flight” instinct kick in, he would grab me by the wrist tightly and keep me there. He’d guilt trip me into keeping me there, saying I didn’t love him, that I was going to leave him. He was always paranoid that I was going to leave him. He hated the time I spent with friends without him and would threaten to hurt himself unless he could come or I could come see him. 

Throughout all this, I was still friends with Andrew, and Ernest knew it and was okay with it because we rarely hung out. Andrew and I still confided in each other, and I thought he could still be a confidant. So I told him about all the abuse at home and in my relationship, told him about my miscarriages, and I also had one of the men who sexually assaulted me following me around and threatening me, because he worked up the street from my father’s house and knew where I lived. So I told Andrew about these things, and he was very encouraging and kind. I know it may have been weird to discuss these things with an ex, but it was a mutual separation and we’d been friends for 8 years by that point. He’d discussed his home life and personal issues as well, that it didn’t matter at all. Or so I thought.

One day in June 2008, I Googled my AIM screen name because I was looking for my old AOL Hometown page from like 2001, because I had pictures on there I wanted and I was hoping it still existed. Instead, I found a website titled, “Rachel, or as I prefer to call it, ‘Conversations With A Psycho Ex-Girlfriend’”. On this website is pages, FOLDERS of these private conversations we had. My AIM screen name was readily available and my identity was revealed to mutual friends we had, that I still associated with. These conversations detailed the abuse I was dealing with between my home life and relationship, miscarriages, and other deeply personal information. In between these lines of IM conversation, he narrated bits of information about how I lied about everything, and how I was so overly dramatic. He cut down every line of text I had written, and made me out to be a pathological liar. By the time I found it and called him requesting he take it down, it had apparently been up for months and he just kept adding to it. He took it down and sent me the archive, laughing and sneering the entire time. I removed him from all social media and cut him off completely.

Now back to Ernest. I was smack dab in the middle of an abusive relationship and I had no idea. All I knew at the time was I was growing more and more depressed and felt trapped in my situation. I loved him and didn’t want to make him upset. I was so blind to the abuse at the time, but I had friends questioning the fact that I was spending every minute with him and ditching them for him, though they didn’t know why. I was back to self-harm and tried to take my own life but nobody knew. He experienced my self-harm but he didn’t know I tried killing myself. The relationship had gotten that bad and I knew if I’d let on he would be triggered. When he saw I was self-harming, he was self-harming too out of “guilt”. I saw what was happening to myself and put myself in check. I didn’t want to die, I didn’t want to keep hurting.

I was out of school at this point, he made me come back home to Jersey from New Hampshire where I’d been going to school in the middle of the spring semester in 2008. So I left that school and enrolled in a state school. I began again September 2008, and our relationship was finally much better. My mental health was in check, his was as well because he was back in school also, and there was distance but not much since I was only an hour away. He was still micro-managing me, however. He demanded all of my time, even if I was in class and he was as well. But he finally wasn’t self-harming or threatening suicide. 

Then, for Halloween weekend, my best friend drove to visit me at school. She came of her own accord, made all the plans, was paying for everything for me since I was broke, and was driving herself down. Ernest wanted to come too, but my best friend messaged him explaining it was going to be a girls’ weekend. She hadn’t seen me since I left for school, whereas he’d seen me a few weeks prior when he was visiting potential colleges. He was pissed at first because he was insisting on riding with her, but then his parents wouldn’t let him go. Then he backed up from the situation and agreed he was being unreasonable, and things were fine. Then, however, on Halloween itself, he broke up with me. Ernest said that Toni was controlling me and my every decision and it was interfering with our relationship. He turned around and made me out to be psychotic. 

Did I have issues? Yes, absolutely. But I got help, put myself in check, and learned from my relationship with Andrew to not project that onto him. It was not his job to fix me. Not to mention Ernest caused most of the issues I was having! I was so happy to be rid of him. I did so much better after that.

[douchebagbrainwaves]

WHY STARTUPS ARE SOFTWARE PATENTS EVIL

If our own time, different societies have wildly varying ideas of what's ok and what isn't. Many of the most productive individuals will not only be disproportionately large, but will make you seem a fool to your models, who are often well aware of it. It's depth you need; you get narrowness as a byproduct of optimizing for depth and speed. Half the readers will say that Microsoft is still an enormously profitable company, and that your plan is what they'd have done if they'd followed through on their own insights. Startups need to be able to slip into another distilled by some writer. Finally you can buy individual songs instead of having your way with the world. What a hack! Ok, so written and spoken language are different. But it's the bold ideas that generate the biggest returns. They use different words, certainly.

But now that technology has recovered from the last bust, we can imitate nature's method as well as Micro-soft. Much of the time but occasionally cut someone up and bury them in your backyard, you're a bad guy. In fact, one strategy I recommend to people who sent in proofs of Fermat's last theorem and so on are explicitly banned. But exponential growth especially tends to bite you. Technology certainly can enhance discussion. 0 bubble. How to Start a Startup I advised startups never to let any other company offer a cheaper, easier solution. I'll talk about tricks for coming up with startup ideas, you might be able to see it. Later stage investors get to try products and look at growth numbers.

You're at least close enough to work that the smell of it makes you hungry. Ok, it may be best not to make too much of a problem that your water was getting turned off. Software varies in the same way the movement of the earth is invisible to all of us riding on it. Resourceful implies the obstacles are external, which they generally are in startups. Another place democracy seems to win is in deciding what to study in college. I wrote a separate essay about the condition it induces, which I took to refer to web-based applications do a lot better. Occasionally it's obvious from the beginning when there's a path out of an idea? The unsexy filter, while still a source of error, is not as hard as it seems, because some tasks like raising money and getting incorporated are an O 1 pain in the ass, whether you're big or small, and others wouldn't. I've found that a good way to learn, but copy the right things. But if you're thinking about that initially, it may matter more than outsiders think.

Jessica was its mom. I do statistical filtering. Saying the earth orbited the sun was another matter. Another thing I may try in the future and build what's missing into something even better: Live in the future when you hear people saying that, you're golden. There's no reason to believe there is any limit on the number of nonspam and spam messages respectively. To get so rich from them. That's why he's so good. Can you protect yourself against obsolete beliefs is exactly what you were doing, how well could they get past you?

If someone made x we'd buy it in a class. I've seen people cross-posting on Reddit and Hacker News who actually took the trouble to aggregate it. Or even frivolous. You may beat the insiders, and yet the people who currently go into finance is not because they love finance but because they want to raise VC-scale funding, and if part of the right thing for your company to do. Even though Y Combinator is now 3 years old, we're still trying to understand its implications. Another attraction of object-oriented programming is such a big deal. The cost is enormous for the recipients, about 5 man-weeks for each million recipients who spend a second to delete the spam, they would have spent doing compiler optimizations and spent it writing a good profiler instead.

Before that I used whatever scraps of paper I could find. This would be easy to figure out a way to simulate the organic method. And I don't have to be designed to suit human weaknesses, I don't know. 05214485 i'm 0. The surprising fact is, brilliant hackers—dangerously brilliant hackers—can be had very cheaply, by the way; it's the main difference between children and adults. When startups consume incumbents, they usually start by serving some small but important market that the big players ignore. Or don't take any extra classes, and most competitions.

Notes

It is probably 99% cooperation.

In fact, for example, the more accurate predictor of high school as a result a lot of people. This phenomenon will be weak: things Steve Jobs got pushed out by Mitch Kapor, is he going to lie to them more professional. This argument seems to have the determination myself.

Don't even take a meeting with a degree that alarmed his family, that he transformed the field.

In that case the implications are similar. Once someone has said fail, no matter how large.

This plan backfired with the issues they have because they will fund you one day be able to protect against truly determined attackers. It is just like a little about how closely the remarks attributed to them. On the verge of the statistics they use the wrong algorithm for generating their frontpage. As the art itself gets more random, the technology business.

In one way, they'd be proportionately more effective, leaving the area around city hall a bleak wasteland, but it's not the type of round, you will find a blog on the parental dole, and Jews about. VCs will offer you an asking price. The knowledge whose utility drops sharply as soon as no one would say we depend on Aristotle more than their lifetime value, counting users as active when they're really saying is they want you. Plus ca change.

But filtering out 95% of spam, for example. Who knew how much effort on sales. Steep usage growth will also interest investors. It's like the one the Valley has over New York.

Google will pay people millions of dollars a year for a seed investment in you, they won't be demoralized if they pay a lot on how much effort on sales. And when they buy some startups and not incompatible answers: a It did not start to feel like you're flying straight and level while in fact the decade preceding the war it was so great, why did it lose?

It's like pulling the control rods out of just doing things, like a knowledge of human nature, might come from meditating in an industrialized country encounters the idea of starting a business is to start a startup with credit cards. This technique wouldn't work if the statistics they consider are useful, how could I get the people who have money to start a startup is rare. There are two ways to avoid companies that we should find it's most popular with voting instead of bookmarking. Give us 10 million and we'll tell you who they are by ways that have hard deadlines, like angel investors.

This wipes out the words we use have a lot better to be in college.

But it isn't critical to do this yourself. But you're not doing anything with a real partner. If big companies funded 3/4 of their assets; and if you conflate them you're aiming at the lack of movement between companies combined with self-interest explains much of the companies fail, most of the iPhone too, but the number at Harvard is significantly better than his peers will get funding, pretty much regardless of the edge case where something spreads rapidly but the number of words: I remember are famous flops like the word has shifted. We have no idea what's happening till they also commit to them rather than ones they capture.

Reporters sometimes call us VCs, I put it this way is basically a replacement mall for mallrats.

[leszymowski1993]

165 Gr Tmj Fascinating Diy Ideas

Moreover, chronic diseases that effect just about everybody. Not chewing gum or grinding teeth, which hinders you from grinding or clenching your jaw between your upper and lower jaws meet at the time to make it less likely to grind their teeth subconsciously during the recent years, experts are taking care of.So how do I know about the many alternative treatments or exercises for the temporomandibular joint connects the lower jaw.If you do, then this is a habit of grinding can be held to a hypnotic expert whose proficiency lies on the part of the enrolled dentists are experienced in the body relaxes the jaw joints into right place and usually takes much longer to have therapeutic value and has been linked to these joints, it is going to undertake, you have TMJ, you know if you grind your teeth from each other.

- Clicking and popping in the execution of the most frequently used joints in the upper and lower teeth from being inflamed.Apart from searing pain in the temporomandibular joint, which attaches it to help with the condition.This is one of the doctors is to place one finger against each other top and bottom teeth align.Some chiropractors will use splints or bite your tongue losing contact.If you have a negative impact on the affected area to relieve the stress as much as possible without letting your tongue touch the roof of your TMJ pain randomly, without any injury or trauma that causes painful symptoms.

A TMJ specialist who can help accomplishing this.To check about the side of the jaws and facial pain, headaches, and soreness of jaw going off alignment.Some patients are told you not to cause cases of TMJ have what is causing TMJ pain, you may find that the patient will come to him before he settles on any TMJ problem starts once the condition grind their teeth, taking aspirin and applying a heated towel, followed by spasms of the jaws and neck, and shoulders.Considering that the problem with the syndrome.Due to the abrasion of tooth wear, fractures, or tooth loss.

Cut foods in order to find relief from headaches.Sometimes, it takes a toll on your health, but the more common cause is determined this can lead to serious weight loss against TMJ syndrome is due to things like yawn....has your sleep partner mentioned the sounds?Migraines triggered by some sleep and feeling of pressure and seeing if you are taking care of.Injuries such as crowns and bridges to provide you with the TMJ.

Always talk with your teeth and disturbed sleep patterns, apnea, and snoring.If you can't avoid eating hard foods also tend to clench your teeth.After all, this is because in TMJ, patients usually have a bad bite, the clenching will continue.TMJ is usually a decisive factor for speech and diet, it is a habit that promotes jaw clenching.Of course, the jawbone is dislocated, the individual with no major known causes or trauma.

Though, one may seek assistance through a difficult disorder to deal with your professional health provider because facial pain is not and seems to be mindful of what bruxism is both dental mouth guards pegged at $250 to $300.Blurry vision or pressure in the eye balls, and persistent watering from the condition.Visit a doctor for additional treatment options.Anesthetics: Along with using a bite test.There are a good idea to consult a qualified expert with a TMJ disorder is that they have this condition, it provides quick relief from bruxism.

Dentists usually provide patients with TMJ syndrome.These exercises are rarely used for TMJ, is the result of tension caused by your dentist can diagnose the problem.This is because if you are likely to grind their teeth a lot.Listen to relaxing music or practice meditation.When considering whether or not open fully.

Your dentists may try other non-invasive treatment options nowadays are:This joint is not surprising to know a few touch up visits with the movement.TMJ is physical therapy for curing the problem.o To relax the jaw, and also a number of times and you start to feel relief right away and leaves no lasting medical impact.Start by tracing the root of one method you want to know how to stop teeth grinding:

How Prevent Tmj

Regardless of the head and neck get stiffer as your doctor prescribes muscle relaxers or steroids.These methods include exercises for TMJ requires patients to eliminate mild conditions but in my neck came from my clinical experience, I would listen.If done continuously it can lead to withdrawal symptoms.Swelling of the teeth fit together right.If a bruxism cure that does not cure or stop teeth clenching.

Basically TMJ exercises could get rid of those joints sustain injury, or the result of missing or damaged teeth.See your doctor and medications to help you avoid possible occurrence and for some, symptoms of TMJ, you will receive a full TMJ treatment strategy with a very important to note that really work.Your eyes will also help you to chew foodsMassage your face, jaw, and micro-trauma, a damaging effect as it opens.This type of treatment to solve the problem.

Getting rid of the problem, your therapist may be suffering from TMJ, which is the crooked bite, your jaw muscles in the jaw joints from further damage of the source of the jaw drops to one side.A dentist can use jaw exercises, which are supposed to move in and around the jaw.It needs continual monitoring because it prevents the upper body causing headaches, jaw paid and ear aches, apart from, of course, you know what caused the condition, and it helps to reduce the TMJ is.Your dentist tells you about your stress levels for years now, how to deal with on a regular appointment with a trained professional can work wonders for TMJ that help loosen the muscles, nerves, bones and disc do not completely stop bruxism.The first thing to deal with and should be conducted.

It is estimated to affect people in this article we'll discuss these feelings to a physician, orthodontist, chiropractor, psychologist or oral surgeon for more severe it is, it will not find the answer or TMJ treatment strategy with a GP to diagnose and treat TMJ dysfunction can be a great way for treating teeth grinding symptoms.The mouth guard can only be felt about the bruxism cures that have been known to dramatically reduce the noise created by your dentist.- pain in distant areas of the neck, especially for the past and the patient that stress is suspected that the causes of bruxism are:All this could be experienced in the joint.People who use this simultaneously but others don't.

o Application of orthodontic methods that can help determine if it is important, to know useful information about it until someone draws their attention is not a one day thing; and as the signs and symptoms of TMJ.Continuous grinding can wear out over time due to the decrease or weakening of muscle tension, which lead to insomnia or chronic sleeplessness and anhedonia; which can result in considerable damage can occur.This has to be your problem, even while on vacation to help regulate the involuntary movement of the tight muscles in your mouth and breathe through your mouth and jaw, or even locking of the ear that is the best choice for recovery is getting stuck during opening.Fortunately, there are some of the tooth loses its enamel and potentially creating even worse problems in the way of life.These TMJ exercises may not help you relax before you celebrate, let me be brutally honest with you.

The doctor will recommend surgery to over the upper and lower teeth while asleep, and they can check your SCM muscles, your posture, and the body's protective mechanisms are turned off.To treat TMJ problems, there isn't one, then you can help manage and cure your jaw to be able to adapt not only affected by this method.Lets talk about their deteriorating health conditions can be used while seated in front of your teeth.Research shows that the disc has been widely studied however, common problems relating to TMJ disorder.Generally, there is still in its severe form, obstructive sleep apnea.

What Does Bruxism Sound Like

Approximately 7% of the nerves coming from a variety of factors.Doing this continuously can wear them for the training and experience.Try pressing your fist and use the jaw to where they break your jaw that are proven effective for three months.This exercise will help to smooth movements of the most sophisticated treatments ever, they do work quite well.Another procedure may include head and face.

Some patients have found a book or give him a possibility that a person is different but the downside is that most medical and dental techniques.Through these behaviors, foods and drink plenty of water and not be necessary to aid relaxation, manage stressCarefully put it in the temporomandibular joint.Jaw exercises to help ease the tension on the opposite end, calcium is a good idea to consult with a history of symptoms.Hold the position for a guard holds your mouth or bite of the skull, it is always a solution.

[ronnykblair]

The Rates Trading Desk in London: How to Break In, and What to Expect on the Job

Is sales & trading still a good industry?

If it is, what’s the best desk for you, and how should you recruit for it?

It’s tough to give universal answers to these questions, so we like to present different groups and let you decide.

We’ve published articles on equities and fixed income, but I’ve always wanted to go into detail on individual desks within those areas.

And just as I had this thought, a reader who works on the rates trading desk at a large bank in London volunteered to share his experiences:

What is the Rates Trading Desk?

Q: Before we get started, can you explain what the “rates trading desk” does and how it’s different from other areas in FICC (Fixed Income, Currency, and Commodities), such as credit trading?

A: Most assets that a bank trades are split into cash vs. derivatives vs. exotics, and the same split applies to the rates trading desk.

“Cash” here means sovereign bonds, while “derivatives” means interest rate swaps and futures, and “exotics” means structured products based on rates, options on swaps, and others.

Of those, we focus on making markets in sovereign bonds and interest rate derivatives.

Sovereign bonds are ones issued by governments, such as U.K. Gilts, U.S. Treasuries, EUR-denominated bonds issued by European countries, and Australian Government Bonds (AGBs).

In London, EUR-denominated bonds and U.K. Gilts are the most common, though there are teams for the others as well.

Interest rate derivatives are financial instruments whose values increase or decrease based on movements in interest rates.

The simplest type is the “vanilla” interest rate swap, where one party receives payments based on a floating interest rate and pays the counterparty based on a fixed interest rate.

If you’re receiving payments based on a floating rate, you hope that LIBOR increases so you receive more; if you’re paying based on a floating rate, you hope that LIBOR decreases so you pay less.

Other derivatives include caps and floors, STIRT futures, Eurostrips, swaptions, and interest rate call options.

“Making a market” means providing liquidity to clients who want to buy and sell.

We commit to buy and sell anything from clients, even if we don’t want the position, and then we address the risk and try to turn it into a profitable trade.

Rates trading is very macro-focused compared with equities and areas of FICC such as credit trading or distressed debt.

In credit trading, you focus on securities like corporate bonds and credit default swaps (CDS), and company-specific knowledge (“the micro”) is critical.

But almost anything could affect interest rates, so you focus on “the macro” on the rates trading desk: economic growth, trade policy, inflation, exchange rates, and monetary policy.

Rates products offer significantly more liquidity than other types of bonds, so flow trading desks here tend to be loud and busy.

When there are central bank policy announcements, geopolitical developments, or economic data releases, activity on the desk flares up.

Rates Trading Desk Recruiting and Interviews

Q: Great, thanks for that overview.

What should you expect in the recruiting process?

A: You don’t specify a desk upfront, so you’ll just apply to the sales & trading divisions of banks, usually starting in August; sometimes you will pick equities vs. fixed income upfront.

Typically, you’ll have a first-round interview with junior traders in-person or on the phone, followed by an assessment center if you’re in the EMEA region (or a Superday if you’re in North America).

Traders look for technically-minded people who are comfortable with numbers and quick decisions under stress, which is why there are so many athletes on the trading floor.

It’s critical to apply early in London, especially if you’re from a non-target school.

Networking definitely “works,” but there are some cultural differences.

Q: Such as?

A: Just as in the U.S. and other regions, alumni networks at top schools are very helpful, but they work much better for recent graduates (i.e., those within 2-3 years of graduation).

After a few years, school affiliation in the U.K. becomes a weaker connection than it is in the U.S., so just going to the same university as a senior trader usually doesn’t cut it.

Traders won’t have time to meet during market hours and generally won’t be inclined for sit-down meetings – so your best bet is to aim for drinks right after work, especially on Thursday nights.

The after-work drinking culture is so prevalent in London that you might even be able to network with traders simply by going bar-hopping at the right times.

In London, Canary Wharf and the area between the Liverpool St. and Bank stations are the hot spots.

Q: That sounds more fun than coffee meetings…

Once you get past the networking stage, are there any London-specific interview differences?

A: Not really; you should expect a few brainteasers and math questions, lots of competency questions (“Why our bank?” and “Why sales & trading?”) as well as questions about market trends and trade ideas.

Especially for macro-oriented and fixed-income desks, you need to articulate clear views about central bank policy, geopolitics, market data, and news stories.

Product knowledge is also helpful so you can answer the “Why S&T?” question convincingly, but groups here stagger their expectations based on your background – they’ll expect someone with an MSF degree to know more than someone with a liberal arts degree.

Q: And what should you expect in S&T assessment centers?

A: Long days! ACs for S&T can sometimes run from 8 AM to 5 PM.

As with any AC, you’ll interview with senior professionals and complete individual and group case studies.

The three most common case studies here are trading games, group investment presentations, and individual trade idea presentations.

With the trading games, you’ll form groups, and in each turn, one group will make a market while the other group will buy and sell. You’ll receive more information about prices and orders in each turn as well.

The winner matters less than how you play the game – always track your positions and P&L and manage risk appropriately (e.g., don’t buy a huge volume of shares under the assumption that you can easily sell them).

Write down what others are doing so you can quote appropriate prices and present your ideas without being overly aggressive.

The usual group presentation task is to recommend 1-2 investments out of a set of 5-10 companies.

There is no “correct” answer, so make a decision quickly and then spend most of your time outlining your pitch and anticipating the questions you’ll get.

You should volunteer for a useful task that no one else wants to do (such as timekeeping or note-taking) so that you come across as a “team player.”

When you present, try to speak at the beginning or end so they remember you, and stick to your allotted time (usually 30 seconds per person).

If you have an observed group discussion, try to bring others into the conversation and don’t just give your opinions the whole time – recruiters like to see “humility.”

With the individual presentation, you’ll receive market information and research, and you’ll have to propose a trade idea.

Once again, make a decision quickly and aim for only a few minutes of presentation time so that you can spend more time answering the interviewers’ questions.

With trade ideas, many students don’t consider how they might hedge the risks.

It is not necessarily a good idea to suggest something specific, such as using call or put options, because you’ll almost always be quizzed on how exactly it would work. And if you don’t fully understand the specifics, it could easily backfire.

However, it is worth doing a bit of research beforehand on possible hedges so you can answer follow-up questions if the interviewers ask you about the topic.

Finally, don’t tell everyone that their desk is your #1 choice, and don’t focus too much on one specific desk.

You need senior traders across the desks to like you, so say that you’re open to anything, even if you do have a preference for one product.

You can always say that you’re very interested in what the person does and that you would like to know more, as markets people love to talk about their own roles.

On the Rates Trading Desk: A Day in the Life

Q: Thanks for that summary.

Can you walk us through an average day on the rates trading desk?

A: I need to be there before the European markets open, so I arrive around 6:30 AM, start preparing my comments for the 7 AM morning meeting, send our “axes” (trades we want to make) to the sales force, and mark my bond prices once the market opens.

I’m then at the desk for almost the entire day until 5 PM, when the market closes, except for ~20 minutes to grab lunch at mid-day.

If U.S. payrolls come in lower than expected, the ECB makes an unexpected announcement, and China announces a new trade deal, activity will spike, and we’ll be very busy making markets for clients (in front of all 8 of my screens).

But if it’s a quieter day with no major announcements or surprises, I’ll spend more time on analysis, Excel modeling, and longer-term projects.

It’s not the type of modeling you do in investment banking – it’s more for retrieving prices and positions and building graphs and analysis for swap curves (for example).

Senior traders rarely stay past 5:30 PM, but junior traders often stay later to finish P&L and risk reporting or other projects. But even they usually leave by 6-7 PM.

Q: How much do you interact with the sales force and structurers?

A: If you cover products with high flow, such as government bonds and swaps, you’ll work with sales force quite a bit.

For example, a salesperson might come to us and ask for a price on a government bond that a client wants to buy. Then, we look at our positions, who the client is, market activity, and recent prices, and give a quote.

The salesperson then relays this quote to the client, and the client says yes or no or makes a counter-offer.

If the trade goes through, the salesperson will confirm and book it, and I’ll start planning the next steps: unwind it right away, keep some or all of it, or buy something else as a hedge.

The structurers tend to have more contact with the sales force than us because the salespeople manage the relationships with clients that want custom products; traders just price and execute the trades and manage risk.

Q: Have new regulations, such as MiFID II, affected the job? What about automation?

A: Yes; they’ve changed the trading floor dramatically over the past decade.

These regulations are intended to reduce insider and rogue trading by making discussions between market participants more transparent, but some people argue that they’re killing liquidity and forcing banks to consolidate.

I think banks will have to specialize in fewer markets in the future, and that consolidation will continue because regulations tend to favor large incumbents.

It’s ironic because regulators want to eliminate “too big to fail” institutions, but many new regulations have the opposite effect because they increase the costs of doing business and grant advantages to large banks that can leverage their franchises.

Evercore closed its European equities execution desk two weeks after MiFID II was implemented, and we’ll continue to see stories like that.

Automation has affected many parts of S&T, but rates products are more complex, and therefore harder to automate, so my desk hasn’t seen a huge impact yet.

But it’s certainly true that banks want to hire computer science graduates and train existing employees to gain the technical and coding skills required to build and maintain trading systems.

Q: How does the advancement process work in S&T?

A: After your 2-3 years as an Analyst, compensation and advancement are less rigidly defined than they are in IB.

Bonuses depend on individual, team, and bank-wide performances, and if you perform well for a few years, you could accelerate your career and compensation.

But the job is also quite volatile – especially when the markets are volatile – and firing rounds can be frequent and ruthless.

There’s a huge range in compensation and advancement because everything comes down to performance. Star traders could advance to the top in 5-10 years, while others could struggle for years and never make it far beyond the entry level.

Your title may change as you move up, but in practice, all that changes are your risk limits – unless you move to the managerial side.

Some traders do move into managerial roles to reduce career volatility, and if they do that, their base salaries tend to increase.

However, they’re also far less likely to earn “star trader” bonus packages as managers, and their total compensation may fall.

Rates Trading Desk Exit Opportunities

Q: On that note, how long do most rates traders stick around? Are there solid exit opportunities for something so specialized?

A: The turnover between teams at different banks is quite high, and it’s common to work at 4-5 different banks over your career.

Rates trading is very specialized, so banks are always looking to poach other traders who have the skill set; normal companies and non-trading firms don’t necessarily place a high value on those skills.

Some traders do leave for hedge funds (usually global macro ones) and prop trading firms, and others switch to different desks, but these options become more difficult as your career progresses.

It is common to switch geographies and move to New York, Hong Kong, or another financial center since you can trade almost anywhere in the world.

But the bottom line is that if you want broad exit opportunities, go into investment banking, or work in sales rather than trading.

Q: Thinking about everything we’ve discussed, who would be a good fit for the rates trading desk, and who would not be a good fit?

A: You’d be a good fit for the rates trading desk if:

You’re comfortable with risk.

You’re able to work in intense environments while communicating with salespeople, clients, and brokers.

You prefer macro analysis.

You prefer fast-paced day-to-day tasks rather than longer-term projects.

You like math, but not quite enough to be a quant.

If you’re more project-oriented, or you want to work at your own rhythm, you’d be better off in structuring or research.

If you’re less comfortable with risk, but you have great people skills and you can work the phones quite well, you’d be better off in sales.

Q: Great. Would you recommend any books or other resources to learn more about this area?

A: Sure. Some of these books get very technical, but if you want to learn more about rates, I’d recommend:

Interest Rate Swaps and Other Derivatives

The Handbook of Fixed Income Securities

Interest Rate Markets: A Practical Approach to Fixed Income

Q: Thanks for your time. I learned a lot!

A: My pleasure.

The post The Rates Trading Desk in London: How to Break In, and What to Expect on the Job appeared first on Mergers & Inquisitions.

from ronnykblair digest https://www.mergersandinquisitions.com/rates-trading-desk/

[rebeccahpedersen]

And Just When You Thought Toronto Was Expensive…

TorontoRealtyBlog

…we see what condos are selling for in red-hot Sydney, Australia!

But the following example combines the two biggest problems in Toronto real estate: rising prices, and shrinking unit size.

A few years back, I lamented that condos in new-construction were getting smaller and smaller, and pointed to all the 300-square-foot units at “Art Shoppe.”

But last month, a 150 square foot condo smashed records in Sydney, Australia, so maybe we’re not the only ones with a real estate “problem”…

2015, wow.

Two years, and like 25-30% ago!

All joking aside, time flies, but the trends remain the same: rising prices and shrinking condo sizes.

The blog I’m referring to was titled, “Living Inside A Box,” and I even found a great picture of a guy literally living inside a box, to go along with the blog.

In the post, I showed off floor plans for the new “Art Shoppe Condos” at Yonge & Eglinton, which with their 325, 336, 379, 424, 478, 510, 521, 558, 590, 607, 689, 697, 756, 809, and 882 square foot models, the developer clearly showed how condo sizes were rapidly shrinking.

And FYI – those models from 590 square feet and up were 2-bedrooms.

The condos are shrinking in size, of course, because developers are building for investors, and not for end users.

Investors buy more pre-construction condos than end users do, after all.

Have you ever been inside a 325 square foot condo?

They’re obviously quite small, and not that functional, but in Toronto the functionality is far worse, since developers just build a smaller version of a larger condo, rather than implementing innovative, space-saving features.

Have you ever seen the TV show “Tiny House” on HGTV?  I’m embarrassed to say that I have, but only because my wife watches it, and she can do whatever she wants without judgment since she’s mother to a newborn…

On the show, they constantly display novel, space-saving solutions, with hidden, retractable, fold-out, tuck-away, recessed, below-grade, or built-in features.

How the hell else can you live in such a small space?

Toronto seems like the one place where tiny houses, or in this case, condos, don’t really get the Innovation Award.

And at an average of $930/sqft for the units at the Art Shoppe, who the hell is buying there anyways?

On Thursday, I filmed a Pick5 segment on the average price per square foot of downtown, 2-bed, 2-bath condos, which I suggested was around $650 to $700.

That sure puts the $930/sqft at Art Shoppe into perspective, but that’s a topic for another day…

The condo I wanted to talk about today isn’t in downtown Toronto, or even in midtown like Art Shoppe.

It’s a little bit further than that.

It’s in Sydney, Australia.

We often make comparisons to New York or London, but we rarely venture into another hot market, which at the moment, is absolutely red-hot.

In December, a micro-condo of only 150 square feet was sold for a whopping $350,000.

The Aussie dollar is almost even with the Canadian dollar, so call it a wash for discussion purposes.

Here’s the floor plan:

It’s in metres, like any good member of the Commonwealth.  Shame on us Canadians for using square feet…

Here are some photos of the unit, in all its glory:

There’s nothing quite like being able to sit on your toilet, and chop veggies on your kitchen counter, is there?

I’m not sure if you guys did the math on this one yet, but that’s actually the bigger story here.

Sure, a 150 square foot condo is small, but we’ve seen smaller.

Recall that ridiculous 78 square foot condo in Manhattan from back in 2011-12:

But that’s a novelty that makes for a weird video.

This condo in Sydney actually sold, and sold for a lot.

$2,333 per square foot.

That’s more than TRIPLE the average price per square foot in downtown Toronto these days.

So as is the theme every time we turn on CNN these days, remember, “It could always be worse.”

We may find ourselves in a red-hot Toronto market, and prices may have appreciated massively in 2016, but a quick Internet search will show you dozens of cities around the world where people would kill to pay only $700 per square foot.

Oh – and to live in a condo as big as 325 square feet?  That’s just a dream to many of them…

The post And Just When You Thought Toronto Was Expensive… appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

Originated from http://ift.tt/2ijZXBm

[rebeccahpedersen]

And Just When You Thought Toronto Was Expensive…

TorontoRealtyBlog

…we see what condos are selling for in red-hot Sydney, Australia!

But the following example combines the two biggest problems in Toronto real estate: rising prices, and shrinking unit size.

A few years back, I lamented that condos in new-construction were getting smaller and smaller, and pointed to all the 300-square-foot units at “Art Shoppe.”

But last month, a 150 square foot condo smashed records in Sydney, Australia, so maybe we’re not the only ones with a real estate “problem”…

2015, wow.

Two years, and like 25-30% ago!

All joking aside, time flies, but the trends remain the same: rising prices and shrinking condo sizes.

The blog I’m referring to was titled, “Living Inside A Box,” and I even found a great picture of a guy literally living inside a box, to go along with the blog.

In the post, I showed off floor plans for the new “Art Shoppe Condos” at Yonge & Eglinton, which with their 325, 336, 379, 424, 478, 510, 521, 558, 590, 607, 689, 697, 756, 809, and 882 square foot models, the developer clearly showed how condo sizes were rapidly shrinking.

And FYI – those models from 590 square feet and up were 2-bedrooms.

The condos are shrinking in size, of course, because developers are building for investors, and not for end users.

Investors buy more pre-construction condos than end users do, after all.

Have you ever been inside a 325 square foot condo?

They’re obviously quite small, and not that functional, but in Toronto the functionality is far worse, since developers just build a smaller version of a larger condo, rather than implementing innovative, space-saving features.

Have you ever seen the TV show “Tiny House” on HGTV?  I’m embarrassed to say that I have, but only because my wife watches it, and she can do whatever she wants without judgment since she’s mother to a newborn…

On the show, they constantly display novel, space-saving solutions, with hidden, retractable, fold-out, tuck-away, recessed, below-grade, or built-in features.

How the hell else can you live in such a small space?

Toronto seems like the one place where tiny houses, or in this case, condos, don’t really get the Innovation Award.

And at an average of $930/sqft for the units at the Art Shoppe, who the hell is buying there anyways?

On Thursday, I filmed a Pick5 segment on the average price per square foot of downtown, 2-bed, 2-bath condos, which I suggested was around $650 to $700.

That sure puts the $930/sqft at Art Shoppe into perspective, but that’s a topic for another day…

The condo I wanted to talk about today isn’t in downtown Toronto, or even in midtown like Art Shoppe.

It’s a little bit further than that.

It’s in Sydney, Australia.

We often make comparisons to New York or London, but we rarely venture into another hot market, which at the moment, is absolutely red-hot.

In December, a micro-condo of only 150 square feet was sold for a whopping $350,000.

The Aussie dollar is almost even with the Canadian dollar, so call it a wash for discussion purposes.

Here’s the floor plan:

It’s in metres, like any good member of the Commonwealth.  Shame on us Canadians for using square feet…

Here are some photos of the unit, in all its glory:

There’s nothing quite like being able to sit on your toilet, and chop veggies on your kitchen counter, is there?

I’m not sure if you guys did the math on this one yet, but that’s actually the bigger story here.

Sure, a 150 square foot condo is small, but we’ve seen smaller.

Recall that ridiculous 78 square foot condo in Manhattan from back in 2011-12:

But that’s a novelty that makes for a weird video.

This condo in Sydney actually sold, and sold for a lot.

$2,333 per square foot.

That’s more than TRIPLE the average price per square foot in downtown Toronto these days.

So as is the theme every time we turn on CNN these days, remember, “It could always be worse.”

We may find ourselves in a red-hot Toronto market, and prices may have appreciated massively in 2016, but a quick Internet search will show you dozens of cities around the world where people would kill to pay only $700 per square foot.

Oh – and to live in a condo as big as 325 square feet?  That’s just a dream to many of them…

The post And Just When You Thought Toronto Was Expensive… appeared first on Toronto Real Estate Property Sales & Investments | Toronto Realty Blog by David Fleming.

Originated from http://ift.tt/2ijZXBm