#but i mean everything i write is tiva lmao

[kim-ruzek]

did u not watch pd yet?

The answer to this is both yes and no: yes, because I have technically watched pd, but largely the answer is no because I skipped through them and only tuned in when my darlings were on screen.

I'm not feeling pd right now, and I was going to not watch the episodes until ones that interest me undoubtedly (aka any burzek ones) came along and this was for numerous of reasons

(I was writing, then I was drained, then I was doing my NCIS rewatch which admittedly was mostly over by the time pd came back from it's break since I did it all while the rookie was away and I was doing my birthday prep (aka planning and freaking out/breaking down because I couldn't figure out what I wanted to get myself) which all also coincided with me running out of my anti-depressants (I forgot to work into my calculations that my renewal would run into Easter so that screwed everything up) while being due on my period)

So everything's been up in the air and honestly the rookie + fire + fbi is just holding my interest a lot more than pd atm and I found myself not really caring which tbf is the Voight effect.

But I did miss my babies so I watched their pretty faces because they make me happy and I have vague ideas about what happens in the episode but really I will have to rewatch the episodes properly before watching any new episodes properly, so I'm not actually counting myself as having watched pd's episodes, even though technically I have, if that makes sense.

So yeah. No I haven't, as I'm taking a break from pd right now unless it's directly in my interests. I did still aim to make gifs of my burzek babies as I have been enjoying doing them, but I've slacked on doing A LOT of my gif ideas recently, mostly due to all the reasons I stated before.

So while I'm taking a bit of a break from the show airing rn I wasn't actually meaning to take a hiatus from the fandom (I was actually meant to do something for it for my birthday lmao) it just ended up being that way.

(although I did deliberately take a bit of a hiatus when the rookie did because of my NCIS rewatch because it just wasn't tenable for me to be on tumblr while pouring all my energy in getting it done before a certain time, especially as I fell in love with it all over again but I was meant to be a little more active which I didn't because all i'd yell about would be Tiva, and then also because of the other reasons I've said).

Thank you for asking! This was a very long winded answer I know, but I thought I'd use the opportunity to explain why I've been a bit quiet.

[pro-bee]

the road less traveled

Note: I cooked this up in the last 24 hours to try to work through some writer’s block on my post-reunion WIP. So this is a bit of a stream of consciousness mess, but if I don’t post this now, I’m gonna chicken out and all my other ideas are going to go PFFT. Also, this is inspired by all the discourse you guys have been floating around lately so it’s your fault.

Rating: G

Spoilers: Nada. Generally season 17. Possibly AU depending on how you look at things. (Also assumes Summer of Secret Sex happened don’t start with me)

Relationships: Implied Tiva. Vague mentions of Bishop/Torres. General team bonding.

Words: 1700

Summary: Sometimes a case hits a little too close to home. Sometimes it makes people want to do something about it.

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“How could they have known that they each had feelings for each other for so long and not done anything about it?! That had to have been torture!”

Bishop has been on a rant since their team got to their table at their favorite watering hole, decompressing after yet another wild case that has prodded at more than a few wounds between them. It was a story of star-crossed lovers, who held back on their feelings for one another for fear of ruining their friendship (and losing their jobs), until one made a tragic mistake and the other paid for it. One of those times where they get no satisfaction out of getting their suspect, because of the chaos left in its wake. 

“Don’t ask me. I have been in love with the same man since I was 23 and I still haven’t fully figured it out.”

Ziva’s unexpected candor (and unexpected help in the investigation) catches the younger agent off-guard; she wasn’t counting on things taking such a personal turn. Bishop gives her a sad smile, though the answer clearly isn’t the one she necessarily wants to hear at the moment. Torres shifts nervously in his seat across the table from her, unclear on where this conversation is headed, on edge the way he is whenever he’s around his predecessor.

The admission gives McGee pause, but maybe this isn’t the time to press.  “It’s funny, looking at us all now, with families of our own, I can’t imagine having to wait that long to finally be with the person you love. I mean, waiting for years just to act on your attraction…”

“Oh, we definitely acted on it,” she offers in typical Ziva bluntness. “We just failed to follow through on any of it.”

McGee nearly chokes on his drink at the revelation. The wheels start to spin in his head, his eyebrows creased in confusion, as he pieces it together at lightning speed. 

“You guys were sleeping together?!”

“I mean, not the whole time,” her hand waves around on its own, as if to punctuate the sentence, “But… some of the times, yes.”

“Like when?!”

“Now look who is butting in! I would expect that from Tony, but you?” She tsks at him, with mock sternness, until she notices the desperation in his eyes as his world seems to have turned upside down. “Okay, fine… Like… Like, when Gibbs retired, for instance.”

(“Gibbs retired?” “When did this happen?” their newer counterparts interject in unison, but their curiosity goes unanswered in the firestorm happening around them.)

“Back then?! That was… Ziva that almost fifteen years ago! You guys have been together for fifteen years?!”

“No! That is my whole point! We were not together together. We were just… what do you say? Letting out air?”

“Blowing off steam?”

“Yes! That!” Her own drink nearly flies off the table.

“Wait, that means—  How did you keep it a secret for so long?!”

“I knew!” Palmer offers helpfully.

“I am fairly certain everyone knew, eventually.”

“No way!  Gibbs didn’t.” 

“Gibbs definitely knew,” she snorts at the memory of being on the receiving end of his beady stare one morning when she and her partner were just a hair more heated in their bickering than usual, even for them.

“And you lived to tell the tale?!” Surely Boss would have banished them to desk duty, or worse yet, Inventory, if he found out they were hot bunking.

“I believe it was a case of don’t ask, don’t tell. Besides, it’s not like it affected our work.”

“True, you two were just as unprofessional as always.”

She flings her discarded crumpled straw wrapper at him.

His mind still reels, though.

“How— how did I not know that my best friends were hooking up behind my back?!”

“McGee!” she lilts, stretching his name out like a song in the way only she does,  “You cannot be serious! You wrote a whole book about us! Several, in fact!”

“For the last time, Tommy and Lisa were not about you and Tony! Those books were works of fiction!”

“Oh come on McGee,” pipes in Torres, who had until now tried his best to find any escape from this forced socialization. “Even I knew that! And I’ve never even read your books.”

“Or a book, period,” his partner mutters into her glass.

“How do you even know about—?”

“Bishop,” he shrugs.

“Ellie!”

“What?! It’s not like it’s a secret, Tim.”

“It’s personal! And again, Tommy and Lisa are fictional.”

Bishop and Torres roll their eyes in unison.

“Well, then, you must have psychic powers in addition to your keen observational skills as an agent,” she teases, with only a touch of sarcasm in her voice. She can’t believe they’re really hashing out their scars in the open like this, but it is a brave new world.

McGee finally shakes his head and laughs in disbelief, and even she can’t help the grin stretching across her face. Old friends, indeed.

She takes a breath and grounds herself back to reality, reminded again of the point she was trying to make in the first place. “What I am trying to say is that it is so easy to get caught up in your own fears when it comes to matters of the heart. You get so scared that you are not enough, that you are going to upset whatever it is between you, and that when you inevitably mess it all up, and you will, that you are going to ruin the one good thing you have. So you lie to yourself that you do not have it and that it does not mean anything.”

“Are we talking about you or the petty officer now?”

“Both,” she answers with a hint of a wistful smile. McGee returns with his own expression of sympathy, fully aware of all those twists and turns that have led to where his friends are now.

The group sits in companionable silence for a spell, the weight of the week’s case lifting, only to be replaced with familiar exhaustion. 

Ziva feels a buzz coming from her pocket, reminding her that, yes, these matters do come to a close somehow.

- Having fun on a school night?  

- Going down memory lane with the team. 

- The good ones, I hope?

- They are now. :-) Just about done, heading home soon.

- Can’t wait. Kiddo’s asleep. ;-) Love you. 

McGee across the table notices the way her eyes crinkle as she glances at her screen. Once again, he is grateful for these small mercies they’ve been granted. How this story eventually got the happy ending it deserved.

“Well, this has been fun, but it is getting late and I should get home.” She pushes herself off the seat and grabs her coat, untangling her curls from the collar as she twists her arms through the sleeves. “I will see you all soon, I hope.”

“Yeah, I’m beat too,” Torres chimes in, “I’ll walk you out.”

The gang exchange goodnights and talk to you laters, with only the faintest of intrigue from Bishop as her partner, who is not known for his chivalrous nature, follows Ziva out the door.

Standing face to face now, at their full height, Ziva narrows her own eyes at the man, seeing right through him and daring him to come out with it, already.

“Ziva, what you said in there… Is that why you keep pushing me about Bishop?”

She stares at her feet for a second and breaks into a genuine grin now.

“Ah, he finally catches on.”

He breathes in, swallowing his nerves with every gulp of air reaching his lungs. She supposes it’s time to put him out of his misery.

“Look, Agent Torres, if there is anything I have learned throughout all of this, it is that time is the most precious resource we have. I know that it sounds like a cliché, believe me, but it is the truth. When I think about all the time Tony and I wasted over the years… It was not worth it.”

“Yeah, but it seems to have worked out, right?”

“Yes, it has,” she presses her lips together in a regretful smile. “But it very nearly did not. We missed out on so much, I missed out on so much, and it was all because I let fear get the best of me. I liked to tell myself that I was not scared of anything, when really, I was scared of everything.”

Torres absorbs the confession with appropriate gravity.

“Nick, do not let fear rule you. I promise you, whatever happens, taking that chance is worth the risk. I wish I had had the courage much sooner. It might have saved us all a lot of pain.”

He glances through the blinds in the window at the object of this discussion, only for Ellie to catch his eye at that moment. They each avert their gaze on opposite sides of the pane, feeling decidedly like the suspects they’ve just interrogated, without fully understanding why.

“What if I can’t do it?”

“You are a smart man. You will figure it out. You bested me, did you not?” It’s his turn to laugh, and she answers in turn. Maybe she has gotten through to him, after all.

She reaches out to gently pat his elbow. “Take care, Agent Torres.” 

With that, she takes her leave and heads down the street towards her car, the heels of her boots clicking down the sidewalk with every step, leaving Nick to reflect on her words of wisdom. He shifts his weight from foot to foot, unsure of how to proceed. With one last look into the bar, he turns in the opposite direction in search of his own vehicle, more confused than ever. Yet somehow he knows that the former agent is right.

What he doesn’t realize as he turns his back is that Bishop takes one last look at him, Ziva’s words ringing in her ears as well. That maybe blazing the road not travelled is not as scary as it may seem. 

- Bishop, you’ve got a big mouth. See you tomorrow.

She grins at her phone in spite of herself. Maybe that’s a thought for another day. 

[justkindaoverhereobsessing]

okay hear me out - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, 14, 15, 16, 17, 18, 19 and twenty. for the ask thingy, please ma'am

Gonna go ahead and tag @wanna-be-bold here because your ask clearly had some overlap with Sofia’s mega-ask. XD 

1. who is the hardest character for you to write? Anyone outside of my normal ships, lol. I’m pretty comfortable with Tiva but you throw Vance (and his toothpick) in there? I’m gonna struggle. 

2. who is the easiest character for you to write? Ziva, I think, or an original character I wrote years ago. Characters I really feel like I understand! 

3. How do you know if your writing is “in character”? I don’t, lmao. I just write what feels right and then hope for the best!

4. Where do your story ideas come from? YOU SOF. And sometimes other places too, lol. But seriously, a lot of my ideas are sparked from the fics of other writers! I love a good “what if” that stems from a different “what if”.

5. Do you tell the people in your life that you write fics? Lmao. Well you know my mom read WAAO so you really think I keep any secrets after that? Everyone in my life knows what I love and I don’t hesitate to talk their ears off about it all! 

6. What has been the hardest fic for you to write? We Are an Ocean, definitely. There’s so much more range to it than anything else I’ve ever written, so I’ve had to figure out how to shift gears from smut to fluff to plot to angst and back again! 

7. What fic of yours makes you the most emotional? The Place Where the Light Enters, a very old collab I never finished, lmao. That story saw me through some tough times and we put our characters through some REAL TOUGH times, too! Actually, one of my tattoos relates back to it, lol. “I picked up a pen; I wrote my own deliverance.”

8. What is a scene you wrote that you are most proud of? Gotta be some scene from That We May Forgive, but I’m not sure which one. I just know that’s the fic I’m most proud of!

9. Is there one character that you refuse to write? why? Ehhhhhh not really. But there are definitely characters I don’t enjoy writing. Jenny Shepard, lookin’ at you! 

10. When you write fics, how much of canon are you willing to ignore/skip over? Lmao. Depends on the day, my mood, and the fic in question. I love AUs so really I’m willing to throw everything out the window. Suck it, canon writers. You don’t own me. 

11. Do you prefer to be cold or hot when you write? COLD COLD COLD COLD COLD. I’m allergic to the cold but I would love to be cold for my whole life, so long as I have a decent supply of quilts and hot tea. I can’t focus when it’s too hot... living in Ghana was a STRUGGLE.

12. What is your ideal writing area? I usually write in bed, laptop in my lap and my back leaning on a pillow propped against the wall. It’s not ideal but I don’t have a desk so it’s become MY “ideal”. 

13. How do you come up with your titles? I have zero creativity in my body so I’ll decide on a theme and then google quotes for that theme. For example, for a fic I referenced earlier, the theme was healing. I found the quote “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.” (Rumi) The fic then became titled as a shortened version of that quote, The Place Where the Light Enters. 

14. How do you come up with chapter titles? I never title my chapters, lol.

15. At what point in writing a fic, do you decide to quit? I... okay, I can’t truthfully say what I was about to say. I WANTED to say “I don’t quit fics” but I have definitely abandoned a few in my day. (Haven’t done that for years, though.) Unless this question really means when I decide a fic is finished and ready to be published, in which case my answer is that I throw a dart at my nonexistent plotting paper and end the fic wherever it lands. I’m terrible at ending things, lol. 

16. How much of your personal life do you put into fics? Oof. Enough to be offended by this question, lmao. I sometimes use events from my personal life to inspire or plot fics, but more often, I explore my own confused emotions by making characters feel similar ones and writing it out. 

17. What is the most supportive comment you have gotten? Definitely something from you, @indestinatus, the queen of fic comments (and also the queen of fics, shush). But I’ve gotten some really really nice ones from strangers, too, especially on ff.net. 

18. What is the most negative comment you have gotten? Well this is embarrassing to admit. My first ever fic when I was... eh, ten years old? I tried to post it on Mugglenet, the only fanfic site I’ve ever been on that needed fics to be approved. My fic was rejected and the mod who rejected it said my main character was a Mary Sue. I’ve never recovered. 

19. How do you handle negative comments? I genuinely don’t get them often, so I’m not sure how to answer. People are usually really really nice. 

20. What story that you have written makes you the happiest to re-read? That We May Forgive! I poured my heart and soul into it.