#but i love this guy smfm so whatever

[floral-elixir]

i’m really irritated that i knew something was up and hidden from me with the whole miranda situation and i was right. i didn’t find out cuz i didn’t go searching and to be fair to ethan, he told me flat out without me having to even fish for it. so why am i upset? because i was right? because i didn’t want there to be more to the story even though i knew i was missing something?

i guess part of it is that i was ignoring my intuition.

i do appreciate that he came clean about how he knew her because i’m taking him to meet my parents this weekend. it was obviously very hard for him to talk about it because he had been holding in that she’s the mysterious married woman he was talking to around the same time we first started dating. he Says they haven’t had sex but i’m not entirely sure that’s true now. but does it even matter? honestly, not really. only in the sense that it would’ve been a lie. but i mean, i can see why he’d lie about that. she’s a touchy subject for the relationship. he doesn’t really talk about hannah anymore but he def still talks about miranda.

idk man. i don’t like their friendship but i’m not going to be That Girl who makes him stop talking to her. he’s been more than patient about me breaking up with Ryan on my own timeline, and he knows about the dude friends i have and how i’ll flirt with like two but it won’t ever go past that or tread into territory where i think he’d be hurt if he read my texts.

also, we’ve been friends before. he’s really strict about sticking to boundaries lol. even with me, the girl he is head over heels for since we first met, he was good at establishing and enforcing boundaries. i know i have nothing to worry about. i don’t know why that doesn’t bring me comfort.