#but i know they exist and it makes me even more annoyed by folks

[writefullyrobin]

No spoilers past 2x10 if possible folks!

2x06 – Dosed thoughts

The 9-1-1 call with the reporter, Taylor, was pretty funny, I won’t lie. The rest of her plot was less funny. As soon as I realised she was hanging around for the ep, it turned very predictable. I have yet to come across a reporter guest character who isn’t driven by the stereotypical need to break the next big story so they can have their breakout moment. I can admire someone having aspirations and goals, but not at the expense of people’s lives.

Taylor very nearly managed to wreck Bobby. I was on tender hooks the entire scene Bobby was high as a kite and thinking he was speaking to Brooke but he was actually chatting with Taylor. I genuinely thought she was gonna find out about Minnesota.

Bobby’s run in with her did give us a nice turnaround of Buck being able to offer Bobby some comfort on the news report. More often than not its Bobby offering the reassurances. It was a nice change of pace to flip the script there.

Although Buck got Taylor’s motive very wrong! I won’t deny there was a bit of chemistry between Buck and Taylor, but I don’t agree with her cameraman. They do not need to find a room, please and thank you. Although this is the first person (ignoring his boy crush on Eddie) who Buck has really sparked with since Abby left. She was heavily involved rather than just appearing in her emergency and disappearing so who knows.

The team being drugged did lend to some very funny moments, I will admit. This cast knows how to turn on the comedic moments well. Then it’s ruined with Bobby on the roof and I nearly have heart palpitations! Gosh, I’m glad Athena managed to talk him down. Her face when she finally managed to get him within reach again nearly broke me. Such brilliant acting.

Bobby’s actor was probably the standout this ep. He killed the scenes with Athena and the kids and May’s homecoming. I’m really happy he gets to be apart of this family milestones with her kids but it’s a kick to the gut at the same time. I loved the final scene’s music. The lyrics were just perfect “when you love someone you make room”. Very sweet and on point for Bobby, whose making room in his heart for new family members alongside the existing. Much more emotional that I was expecting!

Away from the 118, Maddie’s living in her own little Fort Knox. That is a lot of security… how nasty is her ex-husband exactly? This is making me nervous.

Also, Maddie and Chimney? The thought had not even crossed my mind before. Hm. Not sure if Maddie’s in a great place for a new relationship right now but the possibility of her and Chimney… is interesting.

Maddie and Buck have such sibling energy. Pizza on the new sofa? Yes, I would be annoyed with my brother too!

I giggled probably way too much when I heard Buck call pivot (Friends fans will get the reference!).

[genderkoolaid]

sorry completely missed the "think misogyny isn't real" WILD you think i'm deceptive while clearly knowing jack shit about this topic?

transandrophobia was not coined for any reason other than to discuss transandrophobia. people call us conspiracy theorists for using a word to describe our experiences and then they keep ascribing motives to us that make no goddamn sense to justify why they dislike us using this word (and "they" is, very often, transmascs white knighting for transfems, who also very often specifically complain about the word we use). the discussion around transandrophobia is not actually centered around transfems no matter how much people insist that it is

literally never seen anyone argue transmisogyny isnt an intersection of transphobia and misogyny. if you're talking about the transunitist use of transmisogyny, its true that its different from serano's, but not because its not an intersection of transphobia and misogyny. transunity very much affirms that transmisogyny involves transphobia and misogyny, as does every form of transphobia, it just uses transmisogyny as a term to describe transfem-targeted transphobia since thats a popular usage of it anyways. which is why

it makes no goddamn sense to claim we don't believe misogyny exists unless you think that we're basically cis MRAs but trans, since transunity has misogyny as a fundamental part of all transphobia and transmascs are constantly talking about how misogyny affects us and how people very specifically DON'T want us to say that we are affected by misogyny. do you actually know anything about my beliefs or do you just get all this info from the callout grapevine because im pretty sure i talk a fucking lot about misogyny

wild how you bring up that most people think oppression is just being called slurs on the streets, because thats something i have seen "transandrophobia truthers" literally call out (specifically in terms of how people think that, because a trans man could hypothetically pass as a cis man, that must mean we arent oppressed, as if transphobia is based entirely around how strangers on the street see you and not about things like medical transphobia or interpersonal transphobia or legal transphobia or the risk of being outed etc etc)

its honestly wild, when you sit with it, that people are trying to beat and criminalize trans people out of existence. and folks are genuinely like wait a minute everyone!!! we need to debate the exact right word for when people want trans men dead. IF it even happens🙄. like if ur in a fight do u stop to look around for a specific model of knife with the perfect weight and shape thats appropriately sharpened or do you grab whatevers available and get to work

[papaiyatree]

wow!! going into the sonic idw tag was a fucking mistake!!

[okartichoke]

ace avian. that’s what we’re calling this 🗣️🗣️🗣️

please let me know if you have any thoughts or suggestions or input or anything! i’m happy to bounce ideas around (i'll post DL-6 someday soon i swear)

link to masterpost || explations below cut

shoutout to the anon who sent in that ask bc i seriously fell in love with blue jay phoenix. SHOUTOUT TO TAKAHE PHOENIX TOO THO takahe phoenix, you will forever be in my heart and im glad you existed <3333,, (maybe in this au he’s got some loving adoptive takahe parents :3) (YKNOW WHAT YEAH that’s canon now)

but yeah, flight-avoidant jay phoenix still lends itself well to the common-man hardworking underdog vibe i want from him. speaking of flight-avoidant...

Phoenix's relationship with flying:

It's a bit complicated. Basically, Phoenix can fly, but he historically chooses not to. From the lack of any practice, he's an INCREDIBLY weak flier. (That hovering is really all he can manage)

For one, he's still afraid of heights. Can't help that. This fear means he was less inclined to practice flying, which made him a weaker flier. And being a weaker flier, in turn, made his fear of heights worse. And so on, in a loop. With flightless parents too (it's canon now it's canon), there's even less of a reason to learn to fly. At some point, not flying might've even become something he stuck with out of stubbornness lol, knowing Phoenix.

(I will soon be making a couple small world building posts, but) flying isn't necessary to get around in their society. Convenient, sure, but Phoenix realized he could make do without, and so he did. Phoenix, you icon. Slay. 💅💅

i know this probably isn't the popular take with wing AUs??, but Phoenix being flightless (or at least semi-flightless) sounded like a really fun take on the idea to me. His name is irony at its peak. I also look forward to exploring how other characters react to him not flying. The prosecutors are going to have so many cheap insult opportunities.

As I mentioned though, he still uses his wings a LOT, though. He's much more emotive with them than most people. His sarcastic inner-dialogue remarks are also betrayed by his wings lmao

I also imagine bird-folk never really invented bikes (riding would just be annoying with their wings, plus bikes aren't fast/efficient enough to outweigh just flying), so instead, Phoenix gets around on a little wing-powered scooter device (like scootaloo lol) (they're usually made for children who can't fly yet, but Phoenix still uses one)

finally, wow, stellar jay’s are quite literally just phoenix wright as a bird lmao? color scheme, hair, it’s uncanny. give it a pink tie and it just is Phoenix Wright, i used a blue jay since they’ve got a bit more striking wings but wow.

(ty again for the support and for reading my essay ! :3)

one more thing, but @kora-kat YES YES YES this. ^^^^ omg THIS. this is still true even though he's a jay now.

[nthspecialll]

The fandom glorifies Arthur Morgan

Now I am not talking about about low honor, I play high honor and got it as the top at the end of every damn playthrough but my Arthur, as it is the cannon Arthur, is not a good guy. I am not going to talk about all of the murder, robbing and stuff he does, because we are majorly aware of it, I am talking his sexism, casual ignorance and disrespecfulness.

I quite often see people say that Arthur Morgan is a woman lover, and he definitely is, he is better than a lot of men from that time (which isn't hard), but he would not hold up in modern times, because he is not from modern times.

Generally speaking, Arthur Morgan is a man who believes in gender roles, he believes in the idea of "a man being a man" and "a woman being a woman." He has opinions about what a woman should do and what a man should do.

I think the biggest hint at this is his relationship with Sadie, because while he accepts her running with the boys he doesn't seem entirely happy about it. "You got a pair of pants and all of a sudden you think you're Landon Ricketts?" "You want to ruuuunnnn with the men?" and also "can Ms Grimshaw spare you?" when the girls asks if they can come to Valentine with him.

Talking of that quest, when he runs off to get Jimmy Brooks he puts Uncle, a lazy old bastard, in charge of getting the girls home even though they are more than capable of doing it themselves as they are healthy young women who knows how to handle horses.

In several antagonize lines against women performers (which are just as cannon as his greet lines) he shouts things like "That isn't very ladylike!" or "Go back to the kitchen" and "go make someone supper."

People keep saying Arthur would "treat them right" and he would, to an extent, he would care for you, he would be nice to you, but he would force those gender roles. He does have a belief women are somehow "softer" and that he as a person with a provider gene should do more of the harsh work.

So now we covered that, lets talk about the racism, or as I probably should rather call it, ignorance, because it is very commonly know Arthur does not judge by the color of skin.

The first one is that Arthur uses the whites-only saloon in Rhodes. Tilly mentions it to Arthur that they don't allow people of color into it, and yet he still supports it, it isn't a big thing but it is something of notice.

Secondly, when he talks to Eagle Flies where he "sets him in his place" Arthur, honey, you are so wrong here. Eagle Flies is being chased by the government for the mere fact that he exists with a different culture, you are being chased because you murdered so many folks, you can run across the sea and live a good life, they are fucked regardless.

When we first arrive in Lemoyne, Lenny and Arthur talks about the Lemoyne Raiders about racism and Arthur says "These boys got a manner about them but I haven't particularly noticed," Arthur of course you wouldn't, you are a tall, muscular, white man with sun kissed hair and blue eyes, you are the poster boy for eugenics.

Lastly, which will also bring me to the third point, the casual disrespect:

Arthur causally calling Javier a slur on the boat for no reason, did you really need that one-liner so badly? That goes for a lot of times in the game such as: "are you secretly normal" "what a lunatic" "we should find a better story for that scar" "But you continue to irritate me, I will kill you and make my appologies to the lady" "stick around and you might die for her as well" "oh I didn't know I was talking to a lady." All those were a slight bit disrespectful, enough to be able to annoy the majority of us if he said it to us, and they were also unnecessary.

He is also canonically chronically late, most notably we can hear Sean saying "that man will be late to his own funeral," and when you go around antagonizing characters in camp they are not surprised at all, rather they go "back at it again huh?"

All of this is just to sum up, Arthur is a pretty bad man (also counting in all the illegal stuff) and we tend to glorify him and forget some of these things, partly is also because Rockstar are amazing at hiding them, at making them seem natural, and they are because this is a historically accurate game! It is set in 1899 and this is a man from 1899 he is going to be casually sexist and disrespectful, and again, considering that he is from 1899 he is a decent guy because the majority of folk would be like Micah, not Arthur.

I definitely love Arthur, and I love Arthur exactly because the point of his character is him not being a saint but a human. His redemption is choosing to do good where he can, but even so, this is a man in 1899 and he is going to have a 1899 mindset. If you want to play a game that is set in the past but don't have that type of accuracy it is not Red Dead you want to play.

Also here is an Arthur pic as a thank you for reading all of that. I love him.

[ombiblombi]

P.AI.nter is SUCH an interesting character to me... he's probably become one of my all time favorites, as I haven't fixated on a character this hard since since...TMC. It physically hurts to think about it in the best way possible-

That being said, I have SO MANY THOUGHTS to say about 'em... so I'm going to dump them here.

First and formost, it's so interesting that P.AI.nter has such a wide array of emotions when it comes to attacking and interacting with the Expendables. At first it's strange, like "WTF?? You're trying to kill me and you just yelled how I was boring, wdym you're sorry??" But... knowing his lore and backstory, it makes so much sense.

P.AI.nters creator was gunned down on accident by Urbanshade, which upon the discovery of P.AI.nter, then decided to trap him in a harddrive and make it mine whats essenically crypto at the Hadal Site- For years, it's stuck mining for the company unwillingly, unable to draw the lanscapes it loved. For fucks sake, P.AI.nter tried to FRY HIS CIRCUTS just to get out. He's desprate, miserable and lonely, and just wants to escape- Any way possible.

And so when Sebastian comes reeks his havoc on the site and finds it, P.AI.nter is incredibly trusting of him to get them both out. Maybe alittle too trusting, but whats he got left to loose? They've both been used by the company and want nothing more to leave, leave and never return. So when Sebastian connects it to the servers- to the Navi-Path & Turrets and tells him to stop the Expendables, P.AI.nter does.

However.

This is self preservation down here. P.AI.nter of course, is rightfully angry at times. I mean- The same company that killed it's creator before his very (nonexistant) eyes, trapped it down here, and even sucked the joy he has from creating art away is now actively getting in the way of the freedom he yearns for. But at the same time... this isn't something done that it entirely wants to be doing. Like I said. This is self preservation. And his actions, and even your deaths weigh heavy. Theres a voiceline, and its delievered so well- Of P.AI.nter pleading for the player to wake up and apologizing profusely if it kills you.

That line sparked this whole theory in the first place.

Your death, reminds it of his creator.

Isn't it ironic how it's now manning the very same weapon that killed the one who brought him sentience in the first place? That he's now the one at fault? Thats gotta be on the back of his mind each and every time it leads an expendable to their demise.

This isn't personal.

He doesn't know who you are.

But it still hurts.

It really annoys me when people in the community call P.AI.nter two faced, or god forbid, do the shitty thing of saying in a derogatory manner that he's bipolar or such as a "joke". Thats just disrespectful to both the character and folks who do have it. It's just plain rude. People do something similar for Sebastian, saying that oh, they're ruining his character by making him mean and snarky and whatnot. I know this happens in every fandom out there, and that this rant is fruitless, but... people need to understand that characters like P.AI.nter and Sebastian have reasons behind their actions and have existing trauma that if you take a moment to look at, you can go "Wowie! Thats a complex character! Everything makes so much sense now, like a puzzle peice I can see traces of in their character in almost every aspect!" Rather than doing awful things like I brought up at the start. But... I digress. I know this rant wont change much so. I hope y'all enjoyed my mini character analysis

Anyway this video has all of P.AI.nters voicelines if 'ya wanna go have a listen after this :] also I got plenty more thoughts about P.AI.nter and Sebastian if anyone wants to know!

[neroushalvaus]

Tumblr in the 60s – deleted posts

Some people requested a sequel to this post so I thought I'd post these drafts that didn't make it to the original. Maybe doing more at some point if the inspiration hits me but I hope these bring you some joy.

🚀 starrfleet Follow

HEY GUYS!! We're buying The Beatles so John and Paul can finally get together!! Who's in

🎹 nixonsafascist Follow

Call that... Beatles for Sale

🚀 starrfleet Follow

Dude this is serious. We want to free them. Why is homophobia so very funny to you?

🎶 mclennstarrison Follow

Didn't The Beatles start managing themselves after Mr Epstein died? So you plan to buy them... From themselves?

🚀 starrfleet Follow

Oh so the george harrison vampire mpreg blog is going to preach to us now.

92 notes

📻 lesbianbobdylan Follow

"Let men have short hair!!" "It's okay to not agree with the civil rights folk" "Don't let tumblr tell you that serving your country is bad" You are all so chronically online and convinced your little hippie bubble represents the world that you have the worst takes. Conservatism is alive and well, us hippies are the fucking minority. The outside world is perfectly okay with all the anti-mlk short-haired men who are happily getting drafted. You are not counterculture.

15,5 t. notes

☁️ ankin-vaimo Follow

Tumblr is so US/UK centric. Scrolling through this site you'd think there were no other tv shows than star trek and no other bands than the monkees and that the stonewall riots were the only meaningful political activism that has ever happened. There's so much great culture elsewhere. I bet you have never even heard of Tapani Kansa.

���🇳 shirellesofficial

#shhh don't tell Tumblr that other countries exist #they couldn't even admit Please Mr. Postman was originated by black women (tags via @marvelettesofficial)

peer reviewed tags

#sorry for going through your tumblr marvelettesofficial #you're just so funny #hope i'm not annoying you

54 notes

🌼 andpeoplesaywebeatlearound Follow

People really like to pretend us Beatles girlies hate Y*ko for being asian and a woman like she didn't literally make John cheat on his wife and leave his young son

🪕 prostitutesandlesbians Follow

don't talk like us beatles girlies are all the same, i personally want to fuck her on a canvas while we're both covered in menstrual blood, creating modern art by making love

✝️ jesusrevolution Follow

Op is this you? ↓

🎶 mclennstarrison Follow

Also like, "made John cheat on his wife and leave his young son", did John himself have nothing to do with that decision or..?

🪕 prostitutesandlesbians Follow

do you guys think she and john do mommy play

🎶 mclennstarrison Follow

I appreciate the input @prostitutesandlesbians but we're trying to call the op out for being a racist misogynist

🪕 prostitutesandlesbians Follow

sorry

346 notes

🤪 thekinkykinks Follow

Why is there even discourse about this... Yeah, the folks at Stonewall could have been more respectful towards the police officers who were just doing their jobs, but why are we acting like throwing some pennies at the police officers and calling them "Lily Law" is the worst type of oppression

🥿 trustnobutch Follow

You know what? No. Fuck you. I'm tired of you all talking about these people like they were your poor little meow meows. Have you read about this at all? The raid did not happen because the police "hates gay people wah wah". Stonewall Inn was run by the mob. The. Fucking. Mob. Would you rather have the police not protecting us from criminals, huh??? And the rioters were nothing but a bunch of attention seekers. I heard that a guy from the fucking Mattachine Society phoned newspapers and took pictures of the riot. I'm so disappointed, that was the only gay group that seemed to care about looking respectable in the eyes of the heterosexuals. People who were there made us all look bad and set our movement back like 50 years. Fuck you for supporting them.

🍊 kissmemissoklaholma Follow

Yeah. I heard someone threw a brick.

✌ draftdodgerdyke

??? Nobody threw bricks, where the fuck do you get your information ??

#they should have tho #chilling at the stockholm airport finding the weirdest takes

998 notes

🧸 teddyboyfemme Follow

i'm sharing a joint with this cute ass butch with the cutest curliest hair ever guyyyyssss I think i'm falling in love

🧸 teddyboyfemme Follow

she plays the harmonica for me i want to fuck her to the mattress

🧸 teddyboyfemme Follow

i don't have any idea what she's singing about but i think she likes the rolling stones too, we have so much in commonnnn

🧸 teddyboyfemme Follow

So it turns out that was Bob Dylan.

70,9 t. notes

[olderthannetfic]

Re: discourse about using outliers / the worst examples of a group to justify generalizations-- this is also a problem with the femslash wank asks

I'm one of those filthy f/f folks who actually does want to see more femslash relative to mascslash, but I'm not anti-fujo or a terf or telling ppl to change their own tastes. I'm proship / SALS and kinkmato and I think fujoshi are great; I appreciate their massive contribution to fandom culture including AO3's existence itself

But some ppl seem like they just hate f/f fandoms generally and want a reason to bitch about us? and I've felt super demoralized by it whenever I read your blog lately

Like the complaints about f/f being too wholesome and fluffy and that this is somehow bad?? tumblr is C O V E R E D with cutesey fluffy bubbly m/m art using That Artstyle we all know and nobody complains about it. But when sapphic art is like this suddenly its cause we're boring sexless puritans who dont know what pussy should look like? The huge amount of kinky weird depraved f/f thats out there gets totally erased and the wholesome stuff gets scapegoated as a symbol of regressiveness.

Or the constant lecturing to "JuSt CrEaTe It YoUrSeLf" as if nobody who says they want more f/f would actually be making it??? How do you KNOW they're not making it? Are you stalking the tumblr of every ao3 f/f author to make sure they never expressed the opinion you hate , and vice versa??

Yeah a few awful ppl have been super obnoxious, terfy, or puritanical bullies with how they talk about this topic. But when you constantly bring those people up to demonize talking about it at all it feels like you're creating a taboo around it because you want those annoying lesbian feminists to shut the fuck up. Cause how dare we, right? How dare we express desire for something in a way that reminds you patriarchy exists.

You won't even let us express that we're bitter or sad about feeling like a minority even amongst other queer women. You won't let us express simple jealousy without interpreting that jealousy in the most terfy antiship bad faith way possible!

I won't defend those who actually harass ppl or moralize over ships. I won't defend anti-fujos. But when you constantly lump me in with those people just because I looked at AO3 stats and went "Hmmm, it would be cool if this was more balanced :/" or whatever it feels like you just don't want me to say anything at all

--

Is this about me personally? Yes, I agree that topics that are repetitive start to feel like an attack.

But with regards to AO3 stats, this is my pet peeve, as you probably know if you read here often, and I'm unlikely to stop being angry about it.

AO3 is extremely unusual in the history of fandom for being a very big, very multifandom site that is not m/m-specific but where m/m outnumbers other things. There have been large-ish slash archives before. There have been and still are other large, multifandom archives, from FFN and Wattpad, which are in AO3's weight class, to medium size ones like MediaMiner. The spaces that aren't m/m-specific generally have f/m vastly outnumbering m/m. They also make it harder to get stats than AO3 does.

I don't have an issue with people looking at overall fandom stats and complaining that f/f has the short end of the stick when it comes to fanfic broadly. I do object to people pulling only AO3 stats and going "The one anomalous clubhouse that looks like this is the problem" and pointing at m/m.

It's the same problem you point out, just in another direction. After being told "Okay, but the amount of m/m..." constantly for years, people are fed up and never want to hear it again. Even if it's phrased nicely. Even if the person saying it is also hurting.

[misshorrorotaku]

The more I think of episode 8, the more it kinda annoys me.

Don't get me wrong, I enjoyed the episode, but fuck man, does this finale REEK of one of two things: either the show was cancelled, or the writer couldn't think of any way to satisfyingly tie up all the plot threads they set up. Hence why nearly each one got a very quick, very brief "here you go" before moving on the main shit.

Nori and Khan's reunion? Quick, albeit cute scene where Nori acts bashful and Khan thinks she's hot but doesn't quite know who she is.

V's return? Oh look, V's back and here's some fanservice as she's on a raptor like so many of you did in fanarts. Not gonna address how she survived, or how she got this thing to do what she wanted it to, just here you go, she's, back. Anyway, time for fight scenes.

J's reaction to Tessa being dead, something it was subtly implied she didn't know back in episode 6 when she acted confused as to why Tessa wanted her to stay behind? Not even gonna include this, she just implies she's scared and wants to be on the winning side. We'll even toss in her saying she never needed V and N just so you don't notice we've given this character basically no character development and she exists just as a final barrier before Cyn. Please ignore she attempted to kill N with absolutely no hesitation the second set got the excuse to, making it make absolutely zero fucking sense she cared about either of her teammates.

Doll? You get a quick image of her corpse just before the credits. Please ignore the glaring plothole that SHOULD have meant she survived her wounds, since ya know... Uzi does the exact same with a worse wound, coming back from a fatal error simply cuz her core was placed back on her chest cavity... Which was the case for Doll the ENTIRE time she was injured, as it never left her body. (This is the most egregious one to me. No dialogue or nothing, not even a scene of Lizzy, her best friend, looking sad at her death. This was a MAJOR CHARACTER, and all we get to tie up her story is a flash of her corpse to tell us "yep, she's dead folks.")

Ooo, how about how Uzi is gonna resist the solver? You get a quick scene at the start that implies the necklace her mom gave her somehow gives her resistance... Please ignore this has never been implied at any point before in the story and the solver was VISIBLY shown taking over her body while she still had the fucking necklace on in the previous fucking episode.

They even kinda hand wave Nuzi, and don't even give us the long-awaited kiss. I'm not saying it was 100% necessary, but fuck man could it have helped the episode a lot of we at least got that.

... I enjoyed the episode. I did. There were lots of cute moments, the fight scenes were cool, and I loved Cyn...

But by the fucking GODS did this seem like they were just trying to end it with no regard for the story they'd set up. I am 100% in the camp of "Murder Drones was cancelled, they just don't want the backlash that comes with cancelling a well-loved show." The rushed nature of this finale and the fact it was advertised as the "season finale" up until I think episode 7 makes it glaringly obvious they intended to let these plot points breathe. To do SOMETHING that wasn't a rush-job.

Again, for the third time, I enjoyed the episode. I do love what we got. but I will forever mourn what we could have had. If it even just got room to breathe, longer than 20 fucking minutes, it could have been satisfying. It could have tied up these plot points just fine. But it didn't.

Such wasted potential.

[maiden-of-the-waters]

Oceans Rebirth

Summary; Bèiké’s control is slipping, her mind is breaking, storms ravage the land, droughts rage and fishermen yield nothing. When the Buddha is consulted, he offers a solution to her and her alone, but it’s not answer Bèiké really wanted to hear. Can she do what needs to be done before Sun Wukong interferes?

Warning; Angst, broken minds, arguments, hurt/kinda-comfort, self sacrifice, this was before Bèiké knew she was one of the true immortals. Art depicting mild gore. Please read with caution.

Taglist; @vap0rwave-dr34ml4nd @tunadunanana @szynkaaa @marcu-bug @s0rr3l @bottyshaker-900o (if you want to be added let me know.)

It’s finally done!!! 😭😭Strap in folks, this is going to be a long one.

————————————————————

🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊🌊

————————————————————

Being stretched so thin makes it difficult to be where I am in the moment… It’s hard to be everywhere at once, all the time…

Those are words that Bèiké has said more times she than could count. Words filled with exhaustion and a reality she had no choice but to accept.

Her mortal mind ever the servant to the very thing she immortally personified.

Part of her often wondered if the universe had made a mistake. Should she exist as she is? What if the water was just supposed to just stay water?

Why have a body? A consciousness?

Why possess a human heart?

The human body is such a fragile form to hold when you are Water.

As she lounged in a plush pillow-nest that filled a luxurious room within the palace of the Water Curtain Cave, her thoughts cause another morose sigh to escape from her. Which - in turn - caused a disgruntled chirp to rip her from her thoughts as she turned to face her ever wandering attention back onto her Simian Stone Brother.

Who, in turn, stared at her with sulking expression.

“Your mind wandered again.” Sun Wukong stated matter-a-factly. His tone as grumpy as his expression. The Great Sage not liking being anything less than the center of attention.

Instinctively, Bèiké’s mind filtered through a hundred possible excuses before she settled her mind and sighed. “I’m sorry brother… it’s hard to be here today.” She answered honestly.

Sun Wukong blinked. His expression loosing its annoyed grouch as he moved to sit a bit closer, getting in her space until their knees touched, his hands went to grip hers. She tensed at his proximity but didn’t move away, allowing him to initiate contact.

For all his foolishness and impulsive nature, he what he wasn’t was dull-witted.

“Hard-to-be-here as in, within this cave? Or hard-to-be-here as in, being in a body?” He gave her hands a gentle squeeze. Having known about her mind’s struggle to exist within her human form for a while now. Having found her dangerously dazed on more than one occasion when she had come to visit him and the Phoenix Maiden on the mountain of Flowers and Fruit he proudly called home.

Her mind had been so scattered that she neglected the body she - for reasons unknown to everyone accept the Buddha - possessed. She’d forget to eat, forget to move, forget to breathe, and in extreme circumstances, she’d forget to make her heart beat.

Her eyes would be open but staring at sights that weren’t in front of her. Sun Wukong had been forced to jerk her consciousness back into her body on multiple occasions, even biting her harshly to shock her out of her dazed state. Kick-starting her heart back up.

He had - back then - harshly scolded her for allowing herself to get to that state until he had learned just what had caused it. What she was constantly fighting. What she was eternally trying to hold together with no breaks or reprieves or mercy. He pitied his sister as much as he found himself begrudgingly admiring her.

Now, she stared at his hands as she tried to focus on the Monkey King in front of her, not the rush of the water curtain cave as it beat the rock into submission, not focus on the fish swimming through the veins of the river or the clouds overhead moving as though on a breath.

She tried to focus on the soft fur, not the whales casting their bubble nets to catch fish on the other side of the world, their songs vibrating her ears. Or the blood running through the creatures of the worlds veins as they ran, or slept, or played, or fought, or-

A louder chirp made her flinch back to reality as she met the glowing ember eyes her brother ever possessed, staring at her with more than a little worry.

“Is it getting harder sister? Tell this Sun Wukong and I will do what I can to assist.” His stone calloused hands rubbing over her arms in an attempt to ground her, his nails gently scraping and pinching against her skin. Trying to comfort her in the way his people do.

She sighed and closed her eyes, allowing herself to be grounded as she leaned forward slightly to rest her forehead against his. His heat a steady anchor against her normally cool skin.

He cooed at his little sister. The sound reverberating from the back of his throat. For all his playful nature and mischievous tendencies, Sun Wukong, the great sage equal to heaven, was a good king who cared for his people. And he had claimed her as one of his. His nature wouldn’t allow him to be anything less than attentive to the woman he had taken as his younger sister.

So he took it in stride when his normally reserved and touch-adverse sister gripped the fur on his upper arms.

She gently rubbed her nose against his. “Forgive this Bèiké, Wukong. You should be anticipating the celebrations for the Day of your birth, you only have 4 full moons left… not worrying about a woman slowly going mad.” She released the hold she had on his fur with a sigh. “I can hear the voices of the water calling me, I don’t think I am strong enough to fight them anymore… do you blame me?”

Wukong nuzzled his forehead against hers with a soft coo. “Of course not dear sister. You’re forced to stretch yourself thin, I can’t blame you for something you have no control over. Go and rest. Regain your strength so that you can better worship this Sun Wukong later.” He grinned and gave her ear a chaste nip, hooting out a laugh when she flinched back and glared at him. “As you say, there are four months until the day of my birth is here. I expect great presents from you for my birth celebrations. An offering as great and handsome as I.”

She blew out a breath in his face to get him to back further away from her, which he did with his own flinch that left her chuckling. “Worry not brother, I plan on gifting you a treasure that will surely enhance your glory. Mayhaps it will also grant you some humility.”

“How dare you, insolence! I am a Pious Buddhist.” Wukong guaffs, crossing his arms, scowling but happy she’s feeling better enough to play with him.

“Yes and the Lady QuanYin throws celebrations every night for the inebriated.” She rolls her eyes as she gets to her feet. Finally giving into the urging of her voices in her mind commanding her to return to the sea.

“Your faith in this Sun Wukong is lacking sweet sister.” He pouts, snapping his teeth at her.

“I simply see the truth of you dear brother.” She smiles back at him as she steps to the Water Curtain, visibly relaxing as the spray drizzles across her skin.

She turned to give him one last hug before she allowed her physical form to quite literally melt away, rejoining the water curtain, then the river, then the ocean. Where she expanded to a vast nothing that was everything.

It was much easier to think when she didn’t have a physical form. Flesh, bones, organs and a functioning brain are complex and hard to maintain. It was much easier to exist when she didn’t need to worry about feeding her immortally mortal body, or keep track of her limbs, organs and senses.

The waters, or more specifically, allowing herself to rejoin the waters gave her clarity.

And she took advantage of that clarity.

The celebrations of Sun Wukong’s birthday for one. She already had an idea of what she wanted to gift him.

The storm summoning whistle and the abyssal armor.

Both grand and glorious and would be useful to him in his battles should he need to regear up to defend his kingdom.

Useful gifts, gifts that will give her brother a fun gleam in his eye. Gifts she knew Sun Wukong would love.

As whales sung in the distance, sharks made their migrations, carp fought their way upriver, children played in the streams, rain rehydrated the land and all the other things the waters of the world did, Bèiké thought about her families and friends, and wondered what they would do next.

And she tried not to think about how it was getting harder and harder hold her body in its physical state. Her chest painfully tight, her lungs stuttering.

She didn’t want to think about a fact so scary it had left her weeping in her hidden rooms on more than one occasion.

She may be immortal… but her body was failing.

And nothing could stop it or slow it’s failing down.

She didn’t know when it started, if she had to put her finger on a specific timeframe. Perhaps it was always that way and she only became aware of it the past hundred years or so. Or maybe it was just a switch that day she grew aware of her mind becoming more and more disoriented.

And as vast as the knowledge in the ocean was, there was little that could be done to stop a human body from being crushed by it.

But she didn’t want to think about that.

So she forced her wandering thoughts back to what she could get for her friends and family when she returned to her palace.

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Bèiké remembered the first thing she ever heard. She didn’t know when exactly her consciousness had begun, only that she had one day become aware of the fact she had one.

“There you are, what a beautiful child you’ll become. Welcome to the world, Maiden of the Worldly Waters.”

The voice had been masculine in nature. But gentle and happy. The voice one should associate with a person meant to be a mentor or a guide.

She had known with a certainty she didn’t know she possessed that it was the Voice of the Buddha. And she had decided she liked his voice before she even knew what it was to ‘like’ or ‘dislike’ something.

The ocean is old, timeless and ever shifting, No one truly knows exactly how old the Waters of the world are.

By the time that thought occurred to Bèiké, she was already a part of it. And to have a consciousness be born of the waters is an unexplainable experience.

Bèiké remembered the first time she opened her eyes.

She was in the deep ocean, the light far away but still visible. She felt so small yet far too large at the same time. She felt powerful yet small, loved and feared, wild and free.

Her first act had been to head to the surface, the light had been so beautiful from under the waves and she had wanted to see it up close.

The first time she stepped out of the water and onto land it was a wild storm. She laughed with the thunder and danced in the rain. Making it dance around her in turn with nothing but the mist to cover her modesty

The world felt so alive.

She can’t recall now how long she had danced. Only that when the storm had finally calmed, she was back in the middle of the ocean, the waves creating flowing skirts around her hips and her hair covering her chest to flow into the waters as pearls formed to begin adorning her.

She was sitting on top of the waters, leaning back to watch the clouds when they arrived.

She remembered thinking how pretty and bright their armor was, how delicate their movements. The bright objects they held gleaming in the light and appearing to glow - she’d later learn that they were called swords and spears, weapons. - And they guided down a Man and a Woman to stand before her.

Bèiké remembered thinking that the man’s clothes and hair were radiant. And that his brow was stern.

The woman, similarly, was a stunning beauty. Something about her felt familiar to Bèiké, and even without the older woman saying a word, the maiden knew in her heart that she was fond of her.

The conversation had been brief. Having been so long, Bèiké struggled to remember exactly what was said,l that day, but they held curiosity and caution towards her. Bèiké, in her innocence of being newly formed and freshly capable of speech, and done little help relieve any suspicion.

When she simply told them she was water, that they stood on her body, that they held her within them, it was the older woman, who introduced herself as the Lady Mazu, who confirmed their suspicion.

The Lady Mazu was delighted, and took the maiden as her own right away, giving her the name she most popularly went by. “Bèiké” little seashell, her precious ocean gift. Encouraging the Jade Emperor, to agree.

———

The time in the jade palace had been a time of great learning, how to read and write, proper speech and posture, songs, poetry and dance, palace life and hierarchy, avoiding the empress and her secretive glares and false niceties.

Bèiké was kept busy

So busy, that it took a long time for the whispers to be heard.

She remembered when it happened the first time.

A dinner banquet for one of her brother’s promotions had been coming to a close. Beike had remembered being on edge all day but not knowing why. Her precious attendants, Tian Shui and HeHua were similarly concerned.

It had snuck up on her, like a snake hidden by shadows, coiled and ready to strike. Bèiké had no idea the danger was so close. Perhaps that was why it had snuck up on her with such success.

It wasn’t a trickle of sound that steadily grew louder, no. It had been a cascade. The dam bursting and the floodgates flying open.

Beike had collapsed holding her hands over ears, trying to block out a torrent of sound that was coming from her mind.

Rushing through her like a wild river and a riptide combined. The crash of noise that left a single repeating message in the front of her mind.

“I must return.”

She didn’t remember her body fading or her return to the water. Only that when the sound finally, finally stopped, and she was able to open her eyes once more, she was deep in the ocean. The only sound she could hear was the beating of her own heart.

Relief.

The rest was a blur, vaguely aware of dragons, great, shining, metallic beasts coming and checking on her on behalf of her royal family. But even the exchanged worse were fuzzy at best. Eventually she was able to “Wake Up” again and come out of the waters and she was later told she was gone for three weeks.

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She had learned since the day of her brothers promotion banquet, when the crescendo washed over her and forced her back to the ocean for over a fortnight. She had learned the signs to look for and the whispers to pick up on.

It didn’t completely disappear the problem, however it made it more predictable. She knew when she had to return to water, to listen to the voices before it was too late and the whispers went from a whisper to a scream, a small request to be heard to a deafening demand to be obeyed.

Instead of a tidal wave of noise that appeared all at once, it had in time become a creeping whisper that steadily grew louder at a much more tolerable rate.

Still…

It was easy to get lost in the whispers of her own nature. The waters from around the world, the clouds above growing fat with rain, the ebb and flow of the waters over the land, the last dried breath of the parched to the gasping struggles of the drowning. The rivers widening and bending, the lakes and ponds rising and falling.

Life ever moving, water ever flowing. And her mortal, human mind struggled to keep up.

It was getting worse…. How frustrating.

“My Beike!”

She jumped back to her body and blinked at her adopted mother, the Lady Mazu’s eyes fixed on her with worry, her hand clutching hers in a grip as tight as her delicate hold would allow.

Bèiké gripped her skirts as she forced her attention back to her present body.

“Mother, I am here.”

The goddess of the Sea and guardian of sailors looked at her daughter with eyes filled with doubt and worry. “…Are you?”

Bèiké sighed, unable to lie to her. “For the moment… I���m sorry mother.”

The Lady Mazu furrowed her brow and gave her daughter a chastising look. “Naughty girl, why must you make your poor mother worry so?” She sighed, gently ran her fingers through her daughter’s hair, untangling the pearls that inlay the long sea-colored strands before gently cupping the young woman’s cheek. “I am worried for you dear, I fear that I see less and less of you. And then when I do see you, I can’t entertain the joy in my heart because your eyes are still far away.”

Despite knowing it wasn’t truly her fault, Bèiké still felt guilt tighten her chest at her mother’s distress. “I have failed you mother, I haven’t been filial. I beseech you to forgive your foolish child.” Bèiké pressed her cheek into her mother’s touch, her hands soft and warm, soothing, grounding.

“Oh you silly girl. How can I blame you? I should be the one apologizing.”

Bèiké sucked in a harsh breath and flinched back. “What? No! Mother you mustn’t, I should’ve never put you in this position of worry.”

Lady Mazu simply sighed and and summoned her regalia, sitting up straight, fixing her skirts and holding her head high. “I am the mother of the sea, I can sooth storms and protect sailors, I am a guide, a saint and savior…” her face filled with sadness again. “Yet I can’t sooth your mind, I can’t guide you home… I can’t protect your heart. You must forgive your helpless mother.”

Bèiké shook her head, unwilling to let her mother take the blame for her. “My lady please, there’s nothing to forgive, I have never blamed you. Mother. I owe the person I am today thanks to you.”

“Oh my sweet child. I only wish I could fix your mind.”

The conversation had then turned to more light-hearted topics after that. Mother and daughter catching up and Bèiké happily gifting her mother with precious treasures from the deep, enriching her palace evermore. Doing her filial duty to the woman who adopted her as family.

They both tried to avoid the forbidden topic of the Pearl Maiden’s mind.

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It started a month ago with a single storm.

Bèiké had been swift to quell it. But it had devastated all the same.

Not in damage or loss of life. No.

In fact, since it had been in the middle of the ocean, nothing had been harmed. It was devastating in a far more subtle way.

Bèiké had had no control over it.

It had been created without her conscious control, and despite being water, it resisted her command.

That shouldn’t have been possible.

She Was water.

Quelling a storm was a simple to her as raising a hand above her head. And yet…

She felt fear take root in her stomach, her hands shaking as she kept them clenched to her chest.

She was losing control…

What did that mean for her? What did that mean for water? Her mind scrambled to find an answer but there was none to be had.

She had been far too frazzled to return to the Jade palace, she couldn’t risk the courtiers, the eunuchs, or even her precious attendants observing her in such a state.

But in desperate need for some sort of connection, something to stop the torrent of panic flooding through her, she went in search of it among people who wouldn’t judge her for being anything other than the gentle princess.

And so it was, that she had found herself on the mountains of flowers and fruit. And Sun Wukong, though surprised, had welcomed her into his home all the same.

“Pray tell brother - and you mustn’t judge me for this query- but say you feel like you’re loosing control over your body. How would you handle such a dilemma?” It was a question Bèiké had casually asked the victorious fighting Buddha hours after they had sat for dinner. Wukong’s limbs had been loosened with his favorite wine, he had been coming down from his more festive mood that had started the evening with his people.

Still, he gave the question some serious thought all the same… or as serious as the wine allowed him to be.

He answered her as he fell back, draping himself across her lap and putting her hand into his golden mane, demanding some head scratches. She obliged him as he answered her, his eyes shut and the smile on his face content.

“I would try to think about what could possibly be causing this body of mine to be so bold as to disobey its master.” He grinned all teeth. “If I came up with nothing, had no pompous trickster cursed me, had no imperious scalawag tried to poison me somehow, I would simply assume it was an internal issue and I’d open myself up to take an intimate look.”

She blanched as she looked at him. “I don’t presume you’re being metaphorical in your words.”

Wukong hooted out a laugh at her expression. “I take it Brother Wujing and my dear Phoenix didn’t tell you the story of the three insufferable Tao priests who presumed to be immortal?”

Bèiké slowly shook her head as she resumed his head scratches as his whined persistence. “No, I don’t believe anything involving Taoist priests came up.”

Wukong shrugged. “Well, it’s no matter, this Sun Wukong can happily give you a demonstration.” He jumped out of her lap and hopped to his feet. “Little monkeys! Go get this Old Sun a sharp blade! Watch as your great king demonstrates his greatness!”

Bèiké insisted he didn’t need to prove his immortalities to her of all people, she was there for the aftermath of Lao Tsu’s furnace incident afterall.

However Wukong was already too deep in his feverish mania to be stopped, he wanted to brag and show off, and so he would. Bèiké doing her best to not be obvious in her looking away.

She had politely excused herself shortly after getting him drunk off of his favorite wine again so that her departure wouldn’t be noticed.

Well that had been…

Graphic…

Fruitless in answers as well… she doubted ripping herself apart to look at her own insides would enlighten her to the answered she desired.

She couldn’t even hold a physical form for long, let alone focus long enough to disembowel herself. Wukong was mad she decided, utterly mad. Not that that was really surprising news to her.

Still…

As her heart thumped audibly in her chest, she laid a hand against it as she found herself thinking.

As the waters churned around her, and she felt her control slipping bit by bit as the sun began to brighten the sky once more, she contemplated…

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Bèiké huddled in a corner of her room, her head in her hands as her body shook.

“You’re okay, you’re okay, keep it together, you have to breathe.” She repeated that mantra to herself over and over.

The whispers were a near constant yell in her mind now. And much to her horror, control had fully slipped weeks ago.

And even worse, she couldn’t return to the water.

She was stuck in her human body, and as her mind and nature struggled to return to its source - return to water - it beat and slammed against the fragile, mortal shell like a vicious trapped beast. Shredding and biting and screaming.

It hurt so bad.

Her need to return was a constant pounding in her head. Her mind ripping itself apart.

Water acted now without her permission, her own body betraying her. Storms either ravaged the land or refused to hydrate the land entirely.

Massive floods and severe droughts were reported around the world. The loss of life had already overwhelmed the kingdom of shadows, the underworld was choking on the dead.

Fishermen, too, yielded nothing. No fish, no urchins, no crabs or shrimp, no octopus, not even seaweed were successfully caught.

And combined with the severe droughts and floods, the mortals were starving and thirsty.

And as mortals do when desperate; They prayed.

Prayed for relief, prayed for mercy, begged for something to save their families and themselves.

The gods, celestials and denizens of the sea did what they could. But fighting a never ending storm was no simple task.

The Lady Mazu had run herself to the ground in exhaustion trying to sooth the storms and save the people with little to no results. The waters disobeying her as much as they had sliced themselves loose of Bèiké.

Her heart thumped painfully in her chest, causing her to sob as she sucked in a breath that she distantly realized she had not taken for 7 minutes. Black spots littering her vision as her mind was pulled in a thousand different directions.

Someone spoke to her, the sound of the voice echoing in her head like so much agony, she flinched away from the sound and clenched her hands over her ears tighter.

“Breathe, you have to breathe, keep breathing.” She mumbled reminders to herself as she manually counted her breaths.

Thunder crashed far too close, the rain beating on the windows- against the walls, the clouds holding the city churning, the panicked blood flow of the guards and citizens,

Flood washing poor creatures away, areas of dead space that refused to be quenched, lighting striking the ocean in an electrified jolt, wind blowing far too quickly, the sun being blocked out. The world darkening.

Pain… so much pain.

She sobbed, feeling it all, begging it to end.

That voice again, more insistent, but just as painful. She shook her head and whimpered, it was too loud to hear.

She was only vaguely aware of the shadowed figure walking away from her quickly on hurried footsteps.

Her mind was beset by the suffering of those below, weak heartbeats, panicked breaths, last breaths, waters’ destruction. She couldn’t focus.

It hurt.

Help… She doesn’t know if it was said out loud or not. Someone please help me

“Some-ing…Done… this-ing t-.. kill her.” She couldn’t tell how close those words she heard were. She didn’t know who said them or what they were talking about. She couldn’t even focus before her mind was pulling her to look at the great western oceans, another storm violently being born.

“Stop… please…” she didn’t know who she was begging. “You’re hurting them.”

A twisting turret of water shot into the sky to connect to violently twisting clouds above, dragging life into it and breaking their bodies. Bèiké felt their violent, panicked end as she retched and gagged.

“Stop, you’re hurting them, stop.” Tears forming in her eyes, running down her face, staining her clothes… or was that blood? What was water?

Help me please, it hurts… she begged again.

“Shhh child, breathe.” Hands, somehow both warm and cold, comforting in their touch, caressed her face and settled over her ears, gently lifting her head towards the source of the voice. “Breathe now.”

She sucked in a breath as more tears fell from her eyes, her hands gripping the ones steadying her head.

Her eyes opened to reveal the Buddha, that smile ever present on his face. She was dimly aware of her mother, father and attendants standing behind him a ways.

She looked back up towards the Buddha, her breathing slowing enough to allowed some capability of speech.

“Somethings wrong with me. I can’t control it.” She choked out, her eyes blurred with her tears as she begged him to help her. “I’m being ripped apart.”

“Yes maiden of the waters, I know. I must apologize. I gave you a mortal heart so that you’d love the land. I never intended for your body to rebel so violently against mortality. You were never supposed to be mortal. I see now that even without it, you would’ve loved the land all the same.” His ever calm smile was apologetic, Bèiké found herself instantly forgiving him even though she didn’t fully understand his words in the moment.

“It hurts…” Bèiké sobbed, gripping his kasaya as she’s seen children do a hundred times to their mother’s skirts. “Please, end the pain, I can’t bear to feel their suffering any longer.”

She wanted to scream, but her voice was so damaged, her pleas were barely above a whisper.

But he heard her all the same. He waved his hand, and shooed all onlookers out. Which they did with varying degrees of hesitation, some being pulled out of the room, voices of concern rising.

“At ease child, I can’t end the storm, that’s something only you can do. But I can grant you the clarity to think your next choices through. For the next choices you will have to make are not to be easy.” He nodded and properly sat before her, still allowing her to cling to him in her pain. “I will take some of the blame for that, as it was my well intentioned gift that put you in this position in the first place. Water can never be mortal, I have learned that now, and I will not forget. Mortality only throws off its balance.”

He placed a hand over her eyes, his touch a golden glow. And with that glow…

Came silence.

Sweet, merciful silence.

Bèiké sobbed her relief.

“Oh you poor thing, you’ve been feeling it all, but chained and unable to be apart of it.” A pain pinched his features as he took on her burden to relieve her.

She fought to calm her breaths as relief washed over her. She tried to settle her mind. So much was broken, so much needed mending. “Can you break the chains? Can you revive my control” She looked to him, hoping for an answer.

His expression was one that made her chest tighten ever further as she felt dread hang above her like a damned sword of Damocles. “Alas, maiden of the waters, I cannot. And for that you have my eternal apologies. You have become too mortal… this body of yours… its yin and yang are too broken and out of balance. It will no longer support the job it’s been tasked with.” His voice was gentle even as his words were heartbreaking.

Still, Bèiké pushed forwards. After all, all problems had to have a solution… right? “If it’s the body that is broken, will it not do for me to just shed it and return to the waters?”

The Buddha shook his head. “You misunderstand me child, I speak not of this physical body, but your innermost core. The body of You…. It is not so easily shed.”

She tried to understand his words, what he was saying. And found she could not. “Auspicious One please, help me learn, I am dull-witted. What must I do? Innocents are dying because I’ve lost control.”

A sad look pinches the Buddha’s features. “Pitiful child, I wished there was a simple solution. In order to shed your core… to reclaim your identity as the Worldly waters… You must cease.”

She froze, it felt even as though her heart in her chest paused as a horrible understanding washed over her “…Cease?”

The Buddha looked said, but still he nodded. “Yes… cease. The Jade emperor is tasked with keeping balance, the core of the current imbalance resides in you… in order to quell the storms, to spare the land and break your chains, you must offer that core to him. And with its Oceanic Dharma, he can restore the world. But in doing so… you will cease.”

Her mind raced. It was an answer, a solution… but at what cost? Of course she’d pay it, it was one life compared to millions, the math was easy… but… “…. If I did that… mother’s heart would break….”

“Yes… it will.” He nodded solemnly once again.

The plans she had…. The people she met… “… I made friends, I made promises to those friends…. They would mourn me.”

“More people would mourn you than you realize sweet child, you have become beloved.” He gave her a sweet, sad smile. One that reassured her as much as it broke her heart.

“…. Doing this… choosing to cease… will that save them?” She had to be sure… because what was being asked of her…

She felt a breath of relief wash over her as the Buddha nodded once again, reassuring her worry. “It will restore the balance and bring about the gentle rain and revitalization of the world once more. They will be safe, they will be free to mourn you.”

She stared at him, biting her lip harshly as tears fell fresh, the choice made, her heart and mind settling to the decision she has made. “Then I will do this… for them.”

The Buddha was silent for a moment before he carefully place a hand on top of her head. “I’m sorry for putting this task on you child, please forgive me.”

“We didn’t know… we couldn’t have known. You’re not at fault Auspicious One. There’s no villain to defeat or to place blame on in this.” She offers a shaking smile at him, trying to be brave. “Just a duty to perform… correct?”

The great and merciful Buddha stared at her for a moment before he smiled and nodded, gently reaching to take her hand. “You are truly a Propitious and Filial Child. No matter the outcome, I shall ensure your sacrifice is immortalized. The gentle and tranquil Yìn Zhēnzhū gōngzhǔ, and her love for the land.”

Still trying to keep a brave face, but unable to stop the tears, she sat up straight and kowtowed before the great Buddha. Offering her thanks for both the merciful silence within her mind, and a solution to the great problem.

As the Buddha bid her to rise, she looked up at him, a new determination in her gaze.

“How much time do I have left?…. I…” her face fell again. “I must say goodbye.”

The Buddha nodded in understanding before he looked out the window and contemplated. “I can hold your storm back with my dharma for two days… forgive me child that’s all I can permit. Any more and your core will shatter, the oceanic Dharma housed within will be irreparably damaged and the balance will never be restored.”

Beike kowtowed again. “Thank you Auspicious One… I shall not dare waste even a second of it.”

He led her out of the room where her loved ones, her father, mother, her beloved attendants and loyal guard… even her dear cousin, Erlang Shen all of them were there.

She rushed to hug her mother first, and as she was held by her family, both her and the Buddha explained the situation.

It wasn’t easy…

Her mother had collapsed in grief, even her Sage of a father, the honorable and steadfast great Jade Emperor, let out a sob as he looked upon the two of them in horror.

“Auspicious One, I beseech you, there must be a way to spare my child. We haven’t even had a millennium with her.”

But upon receiving no such solution, He excused himself - after giving his daughter a hug and an order to come and see him tomorrow - to go and grieve in private for a bit with his beloved consort and wife.

The Buddha excused himself next to go and use his dharma to temporarily silence the storms.

Her attendants clung to her and her faithful guard bowed and wept. They asked to follow her and she was quick to forbid it. She needed them to aid in helping her mother. Because she knew her mother would be hit worst by this. They needed to stay alive to grieve her so that they would have her mother, and her royal mother would have them.

And her attendants would be well taken care of, and build their cultivation to become powerful ladies. They would become a force on their own so that they would never, Never need to serve another royal ever again. And her faithful guard would grow in strength, rise in rank, become a great general and never need to depend on her or another king ever again. She held their hands tightly as she made them promise.

It took convincing. But they agreed. Holding their chins high and putting on a brave face as they served their Lady dinner, prepared her room and vigilantly stood guard.

Her beloved people… she never did deserve them…

That left Erlang.

“Are you too going to convince me to try and find another way dear cousin.”

“…. No, the solution came from the Buddha himself, he wouldn’t have suggested it had there been another way…”

“Then what is that look for?”

“…..” He sat next to her and reached out to grip her hand. Fingers entwined, shoulder leaning against hers. “I can’t protect you… I am sorry.”

“You don’t have to apologize Erlang,” she leaned her head against his, allowing him to support her weight. “Besides, my dear cousin, mayhaps one day you will find someone who you can protect, who will drive you crazy and be strong enough that you don’t allow those hovering instincts of yours to rule you… mayhaps one day you’ll have a couple kids, a charming family… a good life.”

She smiles and holds his hand tighter as she watches his face pinch in a pain that has no physical wound.

“And when that day comes, and you’re truly happy, and the sun is setting pink over an orange and purple sky, I hope you gather your children and sit them down under a weeping willow next to a gentle river, and you tell them tales of their silly Cousin-Aunt who would’ve loved and spoiled them so much.”

Tears weld in his eyes, the only thing refusing to let them fall is pride.

“That could’ve been us…”

“No…” She was quick to stop him in the trail of thought. “It couldn’t have been. We are too much alike… we would’ve fought and made each other miserable, you wouldn’t have been able to keep an eye on me the way you need to in order to settle your battle-mind, and I would’ve become odious of the way you hovered and restricted me in the name of safety… and deep down, I know you know this….”

Silence before a pained chuckle and Erlang used his free hand to pinch the corners of his eyes, holding his nose. “You would’ve been an awful wife.”

Beike makes an aghast sound in her throat. “How dare you. I would’ve made an amazing bride.”

“Just not to me?”

“Just not to you… but, I am happy we are family. And I’m happy I was given this time to say goodbye to you…” she leaned her head against his shoulder again. “You’re a good man Erlang. You have such a big heart. Don’t you dare let others take advantage of that okay? And when you do decide you want to take a partner, make sure you’re not blinded by your dedication and choose someone with a good heart, okay? Choose Someone who will love you back wildly and most ardently.”

He looked at her with red eyes for a bit before he nodded and leaned forward to kiss her. And though she tensed, she let him say goodbye.

When he pulled back, he gently caressed her cheek. “I vow to you that I will do as you say. I will carry your name… I will keep them safe.” He glances at her beloved attendants and guard.

Bèiké felt a tightness of worry in her chest loosen as she placed her hand over his. “Thank you Cousin… you have no idea how much that means to me.”

He nodded and stood up, going to take his leave before he stopped, and looked back. “You need to say goodbye to him…. His Birthday is in just a couple dawns. He needs to know, or he will carry that anger.”

Bèiké clenched her fists against her skirts, but loosened them as she sighed and nodded. “I can’t tell him when…. He will try and stop it…”

Erlang nodded then gave a shrug and a whistle. Calling his dog next to his side. “Then don’t tell him when… but he deserved to know as your brother.”

The Water Maiden gritted her teeth. “I hate it when you are correct…”

He smiled and left the room. The hound on his heels.

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Beike had two days… two days to say goodbye.

She wanted to spend most of it with her family, and that first day… she did.

Her beloved attendants and guard stood by her side as she was prepared and escorted to her Royal mother and father.

Together, they wept, and held one another. Then spoke of stories and laughed and remembered. She sang for them and performed for them one last time. Served her mother and father tea. Did her filial duties as a daughter.

Bèiké was unable to stop her tears flowing again as her brothers and sisters arrived as well, coming to embrace her and love her and say their goodbyes. Sharing their own stories with her, singing and celebrating the time she had had with them, with her. Apologizing for past arguments and disagreements, and showing remorse for not accepting her right away.

The Maiden of the Waters listened to them all without interruption, forgave the ones who asked for it and embraced them. Wanting to spend this time as family with no drama’s or petty rivalries.

They all did their best to enjoy the moment without acknowledging too much the impending doom creeping ever closer.

It was everything Beike could’ve wanted as a last day with her family. Forever grateful that she’d been adopted into it.

And it was done too soon, Beike looked out and saw the world in that stage of blue that’s common as the sun sinks that certain level below the horizon…

Day one was done.

She bid farewell to her siblings, sharing her love with them once more. She went and hugged her parents and told them of her plans for tomorrow, how she knew she needed to say goodbye to her sworn brother.

And while her royal mother wanted to spend her last day with her, her father nodded and understood her need to bid farewell. Placating his wife and asking that she only return in the morning so that they may spend some time together before….

He couldn’t finish that sentence, but the Maiden nodded and understood. Giving her word.

With that, she spent the remainder of the night with her beloved attendants and guard, sharing stories and fragile time….

It was when the early morning came about that she got ready. The sun still far from breaching the horizon as she made her way out on her cloud pavilion, her body still chained from rejoining the waters.

She carried a delicately wrapped gift carefully in her lap. The wrappings gold, orange, purple and red and shimmering. Colors that had reminded her of a beautiful dawn, something she had always associated with her sworn brother and his bright personality.

As the great Mountain Huaguo came into view, she felt her chest tighten in nervousness.

Sun Wukong could be unpredictable at the best of times, and completely irrational at the worst. She knew not how he was going to handle this.

She carefully stepped into the water curtain cave and called out. Some monkey Guai she recognized as a general raising his brow at her from his lounging position on the roof. She smiled and gave a polite bow before holding up the gifts to show him.

The general rolled his eyes and disappeared into the palace, Sun Wukong appearing a handful of minutes later. His clothes were not pajamas, though also not his royal regalia. He smiled at her, though his eyes were curious.

“My my! What a wonderful sight! My sister come to visit this Old Sun! And with gifts, a generous woman you are!” He wrapped an arm around her and began to lead her inside. “I feared you were stern with me! Such storms have been beating my mountain! Why, the young ones have all needed to find shelter in high ground! But if you are here with gifts, that clearly mustn’t be so. Though you must satisfy my curiosity Young Pearl. The sun is still a long time in rising, what brings you by this odd hour?”

Bèiké smiled, her voice tight as she answered him and allowed herself to be led. “I will tell you everything, my dear brother. But first, invite me to your table, let us sit. I want to see your smiles as you accept these birthday gifts before I must regrettably darken the mood.”

Wukong paused and looked at her, his smile dropping. “Darken the mood? Pray tell, why must you do such a thing? Has someone dared to insult you? Tell this Wukong and I shall have them apologize.“

Beike shook her head, and patted his hand. “Let us sit first, i shall tell you then.”

Wukong scowled at her vagueness but led her to his dining hall all the same. Sitting them down and getting a pot of tea on the fire.

“There.” He stated. “We have sat, and the tea is brewing, I have done my hostly duty, now explain.”

Beike tried not to laugh, for this was no laughing matter, but she smiled as she handed him the gifts. “Will you not open them first?”

He waved her off as he bared his teeth at her. “You stall. I am impatient young Pearl, what is the bad news you bring?”

Beike sighed before she pulled the gifts back. Staring at her hands before she looked back up at her brother. “I wanted to celebrate with you before I shared the news. I didn’t mean to cause you worry brother. But there’s no easy way to say this.”

She sat up straighter and looked her Sworn brother in the eyes. “Wukong… I’ve lost control, my body has rejected me, my mortality has run up… I don’t know exactly how much time I have left, but.…” she gave a shaky smile. “It wasn’t fair to not come and say goodbye…”

Wukong froze as he took in her words, his eyes searching hers as he searched for a lie, a jest, a deception. “That can’t be…” his hand reached out to grip hers. “You are immortal, that cannot be.”

She gripped him back, her lips beginning to tremble and her sight beginning to blur as she nodded. “It is so… the Buddha himself confirmed it. The only reason the storms aren’t raging this very moment is because he is holding it back…. But dear brother, my mind is broken, my body has failed…”

She shook her head her tears falling. “I did not know how to tell you, but you deserved to know. You are family, I couldn’t leave without saying goodbye…”

“You hush.” Gritted words.

“I wanted so much to celebrate your birthday with you, and see your happy reaction as you open these gifts… I wanted to give you a chance make peace with this.”

“Be silent.”

“I have failed my duties and lives have been lost due to it… I can never make that right, but I need to try and fix this. However I want to still say goodbye. It’s not right to just disappear-“

“HUSH!” Sun Wukong roared as he pushed her down against the pillows, snapping his canines inches from her face. “YOU BE SILENT!”

He shook above her, his breathing harsh, his hands gripping her wrists to the point of bruising. He looked down at her with golden eyes blazing, using his sight to see the horrible truth of the Pearl maiden.

And of course he saw that she was speaking the truth. Her very core was failing, her body all out of balance, her mind being held together by only the Buddha’s Dharma. Oh he knew the feeling of that power intimately well, for he was trapped under it for 500 years. And even that was swiftly breaking under the force of a torrent storm that was only just barely being held back.

His younger sister holding a power within her that was far too large for her current body, and he could see it was quite literally ripping her apart. An awful sight.

“I….” His voice shook as he is mind quickly ran through a hundred different scenarios. “Yes, an idea, I have an idea! I could sneak back to the shadow kingdom, erase your name.”

“Wukong…”

“Lao Tzu has a hundred different medicines, I could go steal a couple again.”

“Brother-“

“The immortality peaches bloom in another handful of days, you could eat them. I could mend your core! I’m sure it wouldn’t be too hard! The Buddha misses things all the time! There must be some loophole. You are immortal, there’s always a way ou-“

His words cut off as the maiden leaned up and buried her face against his neck, pulling her wrists uselessly against his grip.

He shuddered and let out a whine when he felt her tears dampen his fur.

“You… you are not supposed to leave… How are you to leave? Young as you are, the young pearl that has slammed this Wukong with your waters in play. The skinny little princess who has stood up to me more than any of those celestials who dare call themselves warriors… yet you can’t beat this? How dare you…”

“I am sorry brother… you must forgive this Bèiké.”

“I do not! How dare you, you can’t leave. How dare you.” His hands released her wrists only to wrap around her and drag her into a crushing hug.

She of course hugged him back, Sun Wukong had always been steadfast and strong, even when he was angry or stubborn or doing something reckless he always somehow made her feel safe. To feel him tremble against her made her chest tighten to a near painful degree.

“My impulsive brother… please, I need you to make peace with this.” She rubbed his back as she did her best to choke back her tears. “I don’t want to leave with regrets.”

He snarled against her throat but refused to look at her. “You dare ask me to be okay with this? You are selfish.”

She combed her fingers through his fur, desperately trying to comfort him in the way his people do. “Will you let me be selfish in this? I want us to spend the day together, I want to celebrate your birthday early. I want to enjoy my time with my sworn brother and leave with good memories and no regrets…”

Slowly he began to relax and his grip on her loosened. “You ask a lot of this Sun Wukong Bèiké.”

Bèiké blinked rapidly at hearing her brother say her name, but nodded even though she knew he didn’t see her. “I know… I want today to be a good day for both of us… let your little sister be selfish, please?”

Long moments passed before he finally nodded.

“Because I am a good and gracious King and brother… I will do this.”

“You are a wonderful and handsome king.”

“Your praises flatter me sister.”He leaned back and gave her a look. “I… do not like this…”

Beike gave him a shaky smile. “I am not fond of it either… would you rather I left?” She asked genuinely.

Sun Wukong was quick to shake his head. “I would not chase you away. I want to spend the day with you. But alas, it feels odd to pretend nothing is wrong, you sit before me so it feels odd to grieve, yet I see your core shattering…” he rests his forehead against hers. “Would you be stern with me if I hid you away in the mountain where I knew it was safe?”

Bèiké closed her eyes and similarly pressed her forehead against his. “I’d be sad, because I know it would not change anything. You know that too… But… Thank you for caring about me…”

A growl rumbled in his chest. “I am your brother, of course this Sun Wukong is going to care.” A grumpy statement, but one that made Bèiké give a wet laugh all the same.

“I am so lucky to have you as a brother Wukong… the Valiant Victorious Fighting Buddha, strongest in the world. Brave old Sun.”

“…I don’t want to let go…”

Bèiké nodded, but took a deep breath and leaned back to give him her bravest smile. “Come! Let me celebrate your birthday early. No more tears! Let’s smile and make merry.”

It took convincing, and he wasn’t nearly as festivious as he normally was, but he eventually began to smile and laugh as they ate and drank. Some of the denizens of Mount Huaguo joining in on the merrymaking. Loving any excuse to celebrate, why not start the games early?

His eyes glittered at the gifts she had given him, the storm summoning whistle and the abyssal armor. He danced around and showed them off.

As the day grew brighter, more people joined in.

It was… fun.

Music played, the food was good, the games were chaotic and creative, everyone was laughing and smiling. One could almost forget that the Princess had a time limit…

But Bèiké could see when Sun Wukong remembered, he would randomly grow quiet and his brow would furrow. His hand gripping hers as if afraid that if he let go, she would disappear.

Bèiké did her sisterly duty and tried to ease his mind and keep conversation topics away from anything that may remind him. Today was about celebrating, sharing stories and making merry. She had even pulled him out to dance a couple times, both of them clumsy from the wine and making them laugh all the more.

As the sun began to set once more, the maiden of the waters knew she had to return…

She wasn’t about to lie and say that the thought of getting him drunk to the point he passed out, so she could leave without him noticing wasn’t enticing… but she ultimately decided it would be cruel to not give him a chance to say goodbye. And Wukong, seeing the change in his little sister’s demeanor and the far away look in her eye, felt his throat tighten.

“Must you leave already? Ba and Liu are about to get on the drums.” His hands gripping hers tightly.

She smiled sadly and gripped his hands back. “Come to the balcony with me Wukong… come tell me goodbye. Send me off with a smile.”

He snarled, but did so. His mind once again beginning to race as he thought of ways to fix the issue, heal her core…

And Bèiké gently tugged his fur. “You are going to hurt yourself if you keep trying to mend what’s already breaking. You have to let it shatter.”

The gaze he leveled on her was equal parts stubbornness, pain and manic. “How can you ask me to do nothing? I am Sun Wukong!”

Her cloud pavilion materialized as she gently held her brother’s face. “Wukong… I am hurting. My mind has shattered and it’s causing me so much pain… it hurts, and I am so sorry I’m not strong enough to deal with it.” She feels her voice choke as she thinks about what the Buddha told her. Takes a deep breath before smiling at her brother. “Those storms that are so out of control are destroying what is precious, you have always fought to keep your precious people safe. But this time, I have to be the one to fix things… you have to let me do this so that the pain can end.”

He trembled, his eyes squeezing shut as he let out a whine and crushed her in a tight hug.

“I swear to you… I will find a way to fix this. You must hold on young Pearl, promise me you will hold on.”

Bèiké bit her lip as she felt tears well up in her eyes once more… it would’ve been too easy to promise, to trust him, to let him shield her and depend on him…

But as she looked back behind him and saw the lives of the denizens of the mountain that were much more fragile, whom had already suffered and survived so much… whom she didn’t want to risk anymore than she inadvertently already had, she took a deep breath and settled her nerves. She raised her arms to hug him back. The monkey Guai who - from the start of his existence - didn’t know what it was to turn down a challenge.

“I trust in your strength Wukong… protect your people, I will never forgive myself if they come into harm when I am broken.”

He shook his head as he leaned back, giving her a hand as she settled onto her cloud pavilion. “I shall allow no harm to befall them, rest assured. You must focus on your own health. I will reach out to you soon.” He gave her hand one final squeeze before he released her and watched her float away.

Bèiké didn’t dare tell him that she wouldn’t be there to answer him come dawn, and she knew he would be angry at her for that. And she accepted that.

She knew in her heart that, should she ever be reincarnated, she would spend the next several lifetimes making up for the pain she would cause her dear brother when he found out.

She could only pray he would forgive her.

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Bèiké would’ve liked to think she was being brave.

To sacrifice one’s life for the protection of others, especially including beloved friends and family should be an honorable act. And an act that one usually faced with their head held high.

But Bèiké couldn’t pretend that she wasn’t trembling.

The early morning consisted of the Princess spending her final peaceful moments with her family. They sat in silence, both having no words to say and too many to voice, and just holding each others hands.

As the sun began to rise, the Buddha had called upon them. Guiding them to a location in the heart of everything where the ceremony was to take place.

While the world was still calm, the Buddha and his monks set up the area, blessing it and preparing it for what the Jade Emperor and his ever attentive obligation demanded him to do.

The storms had broken free of the Buddha’s great Dharma moments ago, the world was dark even though it was meant to be the middle of the day.

Her beloved attendants had wanted to accompany her to her final destination, but she had forbidden it. Not wanting to risk them. Their goodbyes had been tearful and filled with vows and promises. Beike was unable to bring herself to look back as she walked away, knowing that if she did, she would’ve have the strength to do what needed to happen next.

She stood with her mother and father on an exposed piece of land in the middle of the ocean, they were in the heart of the storm. The honorable and noble dragon kings of the four cardinal directions risking their lives to hold back the storm, allowing the Jade Emperor and his family to stand in the eye of it.

Bèiké sat in the shallow water where the ocean met the sand as the weight of everything crashed upon her. The whisper-screams that the Buddha was still mercifully holding back slamming against the barrier of her mind, making her dizzy.

There was no specific sign or signal that indicated what exactly needed to be done, but it was like a shift in the wind. Her heart pounding in her chest.

She looked up at the black clouds as the monks around her began to chant and she felt her royal father’s strength and power begin to spread over the world and demand its submission. And she felt herself begin to respond to its demands, even as another part of her twisted in defiance and raged all the more.

It was a particularly painful thump that had her clenching her chest as Wukong’s words reverberated in her head.

“If I came up with nothing, had no pompous trickster cursed me, had no imperious scalawag tried to poison me somehow, I would simply assume it was an internal issue and I’d open myself up to take an intimate look.” …. “Take an intimate look….”

“In order to quell the storms, to spare the land and break your chains, you must offer that core to him. And with its Oceanic Dharma, he can restore the world. But in doing so… you will cease.” The Buddha’s words echoed as she realized truly what she had to do.

Her breath quickened as she forced herself to swallow down her fear. She closed her eyes as the faces of her family and friends flashed in her mind. The pain of those who had been lost to her lack of control, the faces of those who would be at risk if she didn’t do what she needed to do.

“I will cease… but they will survive…” She murmured as she felt her hand break past her fragile mortal shell of a body, easily finding her own core. “The sacrifice of one will preserve billions, the trade is worth it.”

She grit her teeth and prepared herself. “It is worth it.” She let out a pained cry as she gave a swift wrench and tore her core free. Hearing the horrified gasps and cries of her parents.

As she held her core out to her father, and begged him to save… everyone, she quickly felt her strength fade.

Despite his horror, the Jade Emperor kept his composure. His strength and power moving his body instinctively to do what needed to be done. He took her core, the blood staining his hands, and the oceanic dharma that flowed within responded to his dominant presence.

He glowed as the wind kicked up and the sky filled with magnificent colors. Energy plunged through the earth and oceans as the balance between land and sea reentered equilibrium. Everything going back to how it was supposed to be and the effect almost immediately becoming apparent.

No longer shackled by a mortal shell, the waters fell back into balance and the world began to heal.

And as the Jade Emperor did his honor-bound commitment, Bèiké felt her mind settle, and the whispers fade. There was a pull to rejoin the waters as was her nature, but the mortal shell she was bound to still held her. She could feel herself fading, her body dying while still desperately trying to survive.

Her heart beating, her blood flowing, her breathing erratic. She distantly wondered if this is what mortals went through, the mind realizing what was happening while the body continued to fight.

The sobbing voice of her beloved mother caught her attention as she found herself embraced in her mother’s arms.

She tried to raise a hand to hold her mother back but found her body was no longer responding. And as she tried to respond to her mother’s desperate Pleas to not leave her, Bèiké found that her voice no longer worked.

As her breathing slowed, the clouds above them finally parted, revealing a truly beautiful view. A dawn of pinks, purples and golds…

It looks like Wukong…. Ahhh… I’m going to miss his birthday…. His heart is… going to…. Break…

As her vision faded to black, she heard a wailing scream that pierced the void…

Her last thought was that it sounded like the purest heartbreak.

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It had been sixty years since that day.

The world had long healed. The droughts had been banished, the floods dried up. The fishermen resumed their craft and taught the next generation and the next, and the dead had been buried and honored.

However, mortals still talked about the phenomenon that had been observed on the ocean those sixty years ago.

The magnificent lights and that feeling of protection and security followed by a great cry that shook the world. Most everyone cried that day after hearing that sound; mortals, beasts, Yaoguais and immortals alike wept.

But most memorable of all, was the utter lack of motion of the seas days after the great mourning.

Not a wave, not a breeze, not a current was seen or felt upon the ocean.

It was as though the entire ocean was dead.

It had taken around fourteen days for movement to circulate within and above the oceans again. And from there, life had returned to a relative normalcy.

However, it wasn’t so easy for everyone to simply move on.

The Victorious Fighting Buddha, Sun Wukong had stormed the heavenly palace in anger, demanding an explanation for the ocean’s state and to see his sister. It had taken the Lotus Prince, Nezha, and his lordship, Erlang Shen to placate and comfort the mourning Simian after the unfortunate news of her death had been shared.

The Stone simian had been leaving, intent on heading back to his mountain to grieve with his people, when he had been stopped by the still grieving Lady Mazu.

She had broken royal decorum and invited him over, offering for him to view her daughter’s memorial and offer some final words.

There had been no body, she had solemnly explained, for after her last breath, her body had melted and became water that fell through my hands… all that had remained were the pearls that had always adorned her, and I had collected as many as I could before they rolled and were lost to the water.

It was said that Wukong had broken down before the memorial of the Pearl Princess, though only the Lady Mazu would know for sure.

Though servants and attendants claimed to have seen the two afterwards sitting at a table and sharing stories. When Wukong had gotten up to leave, the goddess had gifted him a pearl that had belonged to the Maiden.

Sun Wukong had not left his mountain much after that, the king remaining dedicated to his kingdom.

Though, there were rumors that drifted around about how he and the phoenix maiden, and sometimes Erlang Shen, would visit that island in the middle of the ocean once a year on the anniversary of the great mourning.

What they did on that island, it couldn’t be said, but those who dared to venture near swore they heard the most haunting melody and a whistle that always seemed to summon a storm.

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What a curious thing life is… always finding a way to exist even in places where you would think life would be impossible.

Everything in life has a cycle, for some it’s life and death, for others it’s a constant journey of recycling.

Water is one of the latter, it’s always been here as long as life has existed on this wonderful world. And even before. There is no true death of water, for the water that exists today is the same water that existed billions of years ago.

Water is one of the true immortals, ever present, life bringing and ever flowing.

The ocean is old, timeless and ever shifting, No one truly knows exactly how old the Waters of the world are.

Deep within the depths, the waters churned and swirled in a circular motion, as if creating a cacoon. And as life shaped and formed within it, the beating of a heart reverberated through the ocean.

A light the shown down upon the churning waters, and a voiced ever familiar called out; “You have yet to finish forming, but allow me to be the first to greet you. Welcome back, Maiden of the Worldly Waters… you have been greatly missed.”

Upon hearing that voice, The Maiden of the Waters, for the first time in sixty years, opened her eyes and blinked up at the light above her.

She felt small and yet large, feared but loved, wild and free… and more so than before, she felt unshackled and eternal, endless and ever renewing.

She felt like water.

“Pray tell, Maiden of the Waters, do you know what you want to be?”

The Maiden felt her brow furrow as she thought, snippets of memory, some clear and some blurry filtering through her mind. A previous life, a mortal body… a broken mind.

She wasn’t that person anymore, part of her knew that. She wasn’t shackled by mortality, her mind wouldn’t break as that woman’s did.

Still…

“Maiden? My my, Do you remember who you are?”

The Maiden blinked back up at the light, and allowed her eyes to adjust, seeing the enlightened figure within.

She nodded as she answered.

“I am Bèiké, the Yín Zhēnzhū Gōngzhǔ, filial daughter, sworn sister, the deceptive Tranquil lady, The capricious and unpredictable waters… and I was loved.”

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ModPost;

AHHHHHHHHHH!!! We’ve finally reached the end! I’ve been working on this for two weeks!!!! All the art took me a while too. I hate doing backgrounds but it gave be a chance to test some water colored brushes I purchased and techniques for expressions and poses.

I hope you all enjoyed if you made it to the end! Let me know what you think.

I tried to proofread as I went along, but if I missed anything please forgive me.

[trans-androgyne]

I don't really do this like at all but I have no idea where else to express my frustrations and dejection. This is pretty negative so no need to even read it but If you do I really appreciate it. I'm a transmasculine teenager and I remember first coming to tumblr from reddit cause I heard there was more transmasculine folks here and I was like waooww! Sounds great. I expected cool memes or positivity or representation just something I could relate to because I genuinely hated myself for being trans, so much. Can't come out at school, can't transition for like another four years, can't entirely come out to family either, so I can seek solace online. Now tumblr has become by #1 doomscroll site and I hate myself more than ever for newer reasons. Wooow. And this time it's coming from other queer people and it feels worse than anything I read from a genuine right-wing bigot. I keep feeling like my existence is just irrational and misogynistic and hopeless. I don't know how to feel any better about my identity as a transgender male.

Gods, I've been in really similar spots, I'm so sorry. Seeing the same old vitriol from cis transphobes is one thing. But when I stumbled into the discourse about transmascs on here, feeling that hated and rejected by my fellow queer and trans people pushed me to the brink of detransitioning. There are two main ways I pushed through that.

The first was to focus on other transmascs. Sure, I can hate myself for "choosing the wrong side" or whatever, but would I ever, ever say that about another transmasc? I wouldn't. I would never tell them half the stuff I believed about myself. It became clear to me that queer masculinity, especially trans masculinity and manhood, gets pushback both from inside and outside the queer community that it does not deserve. One's gender and gender presentation does not relate to their morality. Queer masculinity is beautiful and radical, no matter what anyone tries to tell you, and I let myself fall in love with it and engage in it out of spite. Even if I couldn't accept it on myself, I committed myself to letting other transmascs out there know that I believed their transmasculinity made the world a better place. After a while, it was a little easier to feel that way about myself too. I still get insecure about it, but I can always lean on other transmascs and transmasc allies about it.

That's the second strategy. I felt so isolated and alone as a transmasc, especially when we were being blamed for predstrogen being banned, that I ended up making a discord server centered on trans men and mascs. I've gotten so many friends and even two new partners out of that! It turns out that there are plenty of people who love transmasculinity even if they aren't transmasc themselves. An example is my trans femme S.O. who loves me being her transmasc stone butch and praises my masculinity constantly :) I suggest to all transmascs ever to surround themselves with as many people as they can that see the value of transmasculinity and don't hold bigoted beliefs about transmascs (because yes, believing that we're all annoying and attention-seeking and self-centered and misogynistic is bigoted). My server is always open if that might help you, but other spaces are out there as well. Just know you deserve to be supported in your identity and there are plenty of people who would give you that support. You are always, always, always welcome in my inbox, or DMs, or anywhere else. Please reach out if I can be of any help.

[grison-in-space]

I'm honestly very confused why people on Tumblr seem to think that abstaining from voting and allowing Trump to win is better for some instead of worse for everyone except billionaires. Like ok, the dude literally says that he's going to accelerate the ongoing genocide, repeal LGBTQ+ rights, and basically set the US under a dictatorship among other atrocities. How is voting for the average democrat not harm reduction in comparison. I'm just scrolling through the comments and replies on that post trying to wrap my head around it. People are acting like a revolution is the only way of achieving harm reduction and its like no, a revolution is the goal and in the meantime we still have to deal with the current presidential campaign because we literally have a month and unless you can overthrow the government in that time frame, Trump will win if users don't vote. I don't even think that they're bots or astroturfing or anything because I recognize a lot of usernames, I'm just trying to understand their perspective. A larger chance of less genocide over the course of four years is not better than no genocide, no, but it's better than a guarantee of more genocide. Especially when the other option is a tiny, minuscule chance of no genocide in the future (and given that we can still vote, Trump will make sure that Palestinians no longer exist at the end of his term).

I'm honestly just fucking done with seeking understanding right now. It's very funny, because the whining about shaming over not voting is actually making me a lot more inclined to lose respect for people who deliberately choose not to vote than just letting it go would be.

I get that the focus on voting leading up to (particularly presidential) elections can be obnoxious. I also get that it can be discouraging when your slate of realistic political candidates is...limited, to say the least, and when you are playing with one hell of a stacked deck. I spent eight years in Texas, okay? And I am also mildly irritated and impatient about the level of "heeeeeey, have you made a plan to vote yet?" stuff going around, because of fucking course I have, can we think about anything else for a second?

And yet.

Voting is a hassle and it's annoying and sometimes I have a hard time finding candidates I respect. And it's my fucking civic duty to show up and pick the best person available for the job anyway. Sometimes I cuss as I try to find the polling place. Sometimes I make a plan and sometimes I go "oh shit oh shit" and I scramble. I am a human person. I also think it is very important to focus on other things, too, which is why I do those when I am not focusing on voting.

But get out the vote efforts have to be pervasive and loud and hard to ignore. They're trying to reach the most flaky, mercurial, forgetful ADHD motherfuckers on the ground and get those folks to the polls on time. They're trying to reach people whose lives are exploding around them and get them to the polls, where their vote might let someone who actually wants to help do something about it. They're trying to change the system that exists in front of us using the most tractable levers currently existing on the ground.

So frankly? When the GOTV shit annoys me and I can't deal with it for a second? I remind myself it's not about me, and I go curl up with a book. If it's not about me, it's not about me. I always make a voting plan, I find my station and I usually go early on a time when I have some space to wait, and I thank my poll workers and smile at them and then I feel good about myself for twenty minutes before I go about the rest of my day. So I can say that to the GOTV people and they go away and find someone else to hassle. It's fine! It's fine. The world doesn't have to be about me.

I feel like that is not that goddamn hard to do, but you'd never know it from the way some people complain.

[anistarrose]

So the thing is, if people ship characters who are explicitly not into romance (whether aromantic or otherwise), that ultimately doesn't affect me on a level beyond "annoyance" — I can blacklist tags, and blacklist or block people who don't tag it. What I have to ask myself every time I see these things, however, is this:

"Does this reflect how this person feels about romance-averse people in real life? Does this reflect how this person treats romance-averse people in real life?"

Because how someone engages with fiction doesn't have to be a reflection of how they treat real people, obviously — and in this case, I would of course hope that it isn't. But if you know anything about what being aromantic is like, in real life or on the Internet... you'll understand why I'm not optimistic.

Thinking two characters are so cute together that you reject a bunch of their characterization to make it happen is just annoying, not a crime! But the second you make the leap to telling a real human person things like:

"I don't care how much you say you're not interested, because you just won't realize that you and X would make such a cute couple,"

or:

"I don't care how much you say you're not interested, because you're clearly just in denial which the Right Person has to come along and fix,"

or:

"But — but — but not falling in love is just so tragic! I want you to be happy, not sad and lonely your whole life!"

like the rationales that apparently motivate so many people to ship? Then that has crossed the line into harming real people.

I don't actually think that shipping aromantic characters is the primary cause in the cause-effect diagram, when it comes to the correlating the shipping with "likelihood to say these terrible, invalidating, autonomy-undermining things to real people." Precisely, I don't think it's a cause to a meaningful degree when you compare with the opposite direction — I think people who say these things to real aromantics (or anyone else who just isn't interested!), because of what they think about these real people, are in turn more likely to think amatonormative things about fictional characters. I think that there exists a feedback loop to some extent, because fiction can influence people's beliefs to some degree, but it's not symmetric. Real-life amatonormativity causes mass amatonormativity in fandom spaces.

So... at this point, do you see why aromantic people in fandom get a little defensive about aro characters, and about other characters who overlap with aro experiences? You see why we get kind of pissy when people very selectively throw a very specific part of their characterization out the window? You see why we maybe don't want to associate with those people? Why it makes us so uncomfortable?

"Stop shipping romance-repulsed characters," in my opinion, is a understandable outcry from the community that I obviously sympathize with — but it nevertheless conceals the core of the issue, especially from non-aromantics who aren't living with amatonormativity shoved down their throats at all times, and therefore might not be able to read between the lines. At the core, this isn't actually a debate about the morality of shipping in fiction, despite overlap with that discourse on the surface.

The real cry for change isn't "stop shipping that character." It's "start accepting me for who I am, without trying to either undermine or mourn it at every opportunity." Because at the moment, the overlap between people who erase fictional aromanticism and real aromanticism is significant — and even where they don't overlap, you know what? Romance-averse folks just trying to live in peace can't fucking tell the difference.

[keshetchai]

I think a huge problem in internet Judaism (also sometimes irl!) discussions is often that we're so focused on fighting or pushing back on misconceptions, Christian normativity, and distorted Christian ideas about our theology — that sometimes in the pursuit of this, we forget to approach a more complicated internal reality, or we overlook parts of our own religion while trying to not assimilate.

Things like the Talmud talking about Yom Kippur being a happy day. A lot of folks were surprised and didn't know there's a huge tradition that YK is supposed to be a positive holiday and many Jews observe with joy. Then some folks went on to elaborate that if someone wished them a happy Yom Kippur and they were Jewish it was fine, but if they were gentiles who simply didn't know anything and didn't bother to learn, then they were annoyed by the lack of care re: cultural nuance or whatever.

But like...of all the annoying christian-normative bullshit that exists — someone trying to wish me a happy holiday on a holiday that is noted to be solemn AND positive, but not really knowing anything about my religion — that doesn't really make a list of things I have time to be mad about! Or even irked by!

There's a lot of ways in which people are shitty and careless or make it obvious they consider our non-christian holidays an annoying quirk they have to acknowledge, but "happy yom kippur!" Is not one of them. Sometimes I just have to remind myself that I want other people to assume the best of me, even when I am the one who is socially awkward or ignorant, or stumbling around just trying to be an okay person. And sometimes I am the clueless one who has only a shallow understanding of someone's interior life/culture and I said/did nothing actually offensive but treated the situation the same way I treat similar ones in my own life because everyone has cultural blinders somewhere.

So sometimes, I have to look at other people doing The Thing and ask myself if it's at all malicious or harmful, and if it ISN'T, shouldn't I assume the best of another human bumbling around like I do all the time? "Hey thanks. Yeah I had a meaningful holiday."

Likewise, YES, we do have a history of wrestling with G-d and pushing back and asking questions and so on, but no, stiff-necked isn't wholly complimentary, it's...frequently the opposite of that. And the knee-jerk reaction is often to push back against Christianity and Islam vilifying Jews and their stubbornness/failures/wrongs in the Bible. Which is totally reasonable, there's a huge history of a theology of antisemitism and blaming there that impacts us today.

HOWEVER, we can push back against the antisemitic theologies and interpretations of these stories without necessarily having to recharacterize everything beyond recognition?

Yes, Abraham yelled at G-d that one time, and it was great. It may have even been a test of Abraham. Yes, Israel wrestles with G-d. Yes, the Jews in the desert complain to Moses they are dying of thirst and ask what was the point of leaving Egypt if they should only die while wandering instead?

Great. Love that. BUT ALSO: yes stiff-necked is not always a compliment. Yes, the Israelites struggled and made mistakes, and are utterly and painfully human just like people are today. Flawed. We are not so stiff-necked as to say we have not sinned!

Is anything as scary as a group that admits no flaws? No errors of judgment? Never questions themselves or learns from past mistakes? Idk to me, it's all very "with great responsibility comes great accountability, and power isn't the point here." Yes? If we take pride in the moments of arguing and the pushing back, then by that same token, we have to own the failings just as much to learn from. The relationship between G-d and Jews is a two way street.

It's not a failing to be an imperfect human, but it would be a failing to screw something up and then never admit it or keep doing it when you can change.

Idk I just...there's got to be ways we can dig into meaty and interesting stuff without having to constantly be like "just because some ancestors screwed up and G-d was angry at them doesn't mean you can say Jews lost the love of God and the covenant and were replaced you absolute weirdos."

[foggyfanfic]

Did you guys hear Disneyland Cast Members voted to strike?

It was nearly unanimous too, 99% of the unionized cast members voted in favor of the strike. This doesn't necessarily mean they will strike, more that when the union rep shows up to the negotiation table on Monday they'll have that extra bit of leverage. Hopefully that'll be enough to win them living wages and such. I don't have anything intelligent to say, I just feel a kind of way about this subject, I'm going to put my opinions under the cut.

Ok, look, I love Disneyland. Love it with a passion. You know what reminded me this was happening and prompted me to look up the story? I was thinking of updating this card I made for one of the many games I've come up with to play in Disneyland because I have a weird variety of hyper-fixation when it comes to that park specifically.

So I am not speaking an ounce of hyperbole when I say Disneyland is my favorite place in the world.

But! Whoever the hell is making the big decisions around there needs to get their head out of their ass. I don't know if I should be blaming Bob Iger or Josh D'Amaro for the way the parks have been since the pandemic, but I'm going to blame both. I can deal with them experimenting with Genie Plus (I hate it but I'm used to capitalism), and I can sort of deal with the prices (I can't afford them easily but I'm saving up), but Disneyland has very clearly been trying to cut labor costs for a while now and it's incredibly baffling to watch. It feels like the parks are being run by somebody with a business degree from a sketchy "college" and zero experience with the real world.

They're cutting back on shows, overworking their existing staff, and skipping regular maintenance so they can operate the park with a smaller maintenance team. Overall it results in a worse experience for the customer, making it less likely that they'll convert new guests into returning fans like myself. While Disney World is a major tourist attraction that most people consider a once in a life time experience, Disneyland has always had a steady revenue from local Californians that return again and again. If you frequent forums about the parks you hear all about folks who live in SoCal that buy their annual pass (I know that's not what it's currently called, but that's what it is) and use it to get into the parks just to have dinner or rove around and maybe grab a churro. They might not be paying for Iger's next yacht, but those folks are providing a reliable revenue stream, and they go back again and again because for decades Disneyland has maintained a "magical" atmosphere.

And I feel like it's fairly obvious that the front line workers are the ones that make Disneyland what it is. Right? Like I'm not crazy, we all agree Disneyland would be nothing without the hard work of these cast members, right?

Why are they-? You need front line workers, why wouldn't you-? Do they not have years of research and experience backing up how beneficial a well paid staff is? I love the Incredicoaster but if all I wanted was thrill rides, Six Flags is an hour closer and a whole lot cheaper. I'm going for the complicated rides that require their own pit crew like Mickey's Runaway Railroad. Why are we even still having this conversation? I get that people like Bob Iger are a bit insulated from the rest of us, but the relationship between a happy staff and profit is well documented. Why wouldn't they just...? In the Disneyland subreddit a retired cast member post the Benefits Binder he got back when he worked for Disneyland and this thing was thick, it included health, retirement, and stock options. Somebody somewhere must have known that whittling down benefits while stagnating pay was not sustainable. Right?!

Like I said, I don't have anything intelligent to add to this conversation, but to be honest, I think everything intelligent to add has already been added. I'm just annoyed for my own sake and downright pissed for the sake of the cast members. I hope they get everything they ask for on Monday, and if they don't, I hope the strike knocks some sense into everybody it needs to.

[genderkoolaid]

okay, so, i keep seeing this take come up a lot from non-trans men and non-trans mascs, and it’s making me a bit uncomfortable. for background, i’m a trans man that writes smut for trans mascs, trans men, and non-binary folks. i write in fandom spaces so this is a strictly fandom basis and not irl basis

more and more often i keep seeing non trans men and non trans mascs saying “if you think mpreg is gross you’re just transphobic” without nuance and when i explain “hey, this maybe isn’t a good take to have since there’s a LOT of reasons people may be grossed out by mpreg (eg. dysphoria, how heavily fetishized it is in fandom spaces by non-trans writers, how it’s used to fetishize trans m characters, the person grossed out may be a closeted trans man or trans masc or don’t realize that the “gross” feeling is dysphoria, etc.)”, i get shouted down and told that i’m wrong. and it’s kind of making me question my own line of thinking.

i guess, i’m just looking for some perspective from trans men and trans mascs on this topic? if there is any? bc i honestly can’t tell if i’m having a knee jerk reaction to my own personal experiences with fetishization. idk if you do much with fandom spaces, but i also don’t really know where else to get perspective

I think there's an important difference between different interpretations of "finding mpreg gross." One interpretation is male pregnancy being a squick for people as individuals for a variety of reasons, such as dysphoria. But in the context of systemic transandrophobia, "gross" is describing the idea that male pregnancy is an obscene, disturbing fetish akin to guro, something that is objectively abnormal and inappropriate.

The reason why "mpreg is gross" is transphobic is because its based in the idea that a pregnant man is unnatural and wrong, and that pregnant men can only exist as a "fucked up" sexual fetish. People are incapable of being normal about male pregnancy in any context and will compulsively go "EWW mpreg is so weird and fucked up!!! is this omegaverse!!!" even when talking about real men's experiences or desires. Male pregnancy is seen as a joke, a kink, or a crime against nature, but never something normal, natural, neutral.

Feeling dysphoria around pregnancy for yourself isn't transphobic, and people can write/depict male pregnancy in ways that are uncomfortable. Personally, I don't like how a lot of people's first thought when it comes to male pregnancy is cis men getting pregnant, with trans men- men who can and do actually get pregnant- are an afterthought. Its annoying to see posts joking about "getting a man pregnant" where people immediately jump to "cis male mpreg," distancing transmascs from our own bodies' abilities & replacing us in the cultural mind with cis men. I don't think cis male mpreg is inherently bad, but there are valid criticisms to be made.

And while you are just talking about fandom stuff, I don't think we should entirely separate this from the wider treatment of pregnant men- who are constantly dehumanized irl, treated like walking freaks (I was just reading an article the other day where a trans father talked about being called "it" throughout his pregnancy, and this is not uncommon), and having their gender validity heavily scrutinized for using their "female anatomy" even though they "want to be a man," sometimes even from other trans people. The way mpreg is treated in fandom spaces does very little to counter this narrative- if anything, in my experience, it just adds that "dirty" connotation, where pregnant men aren't just freaks, their pregnancy must be inherently sexual and should be kept out of public spaces. And this really does not help the idea that trans people are groomers who shouldn't be around children- I have also seen transphobes fearmonger about transmasc fathers & their children & whether or not the children will be safe, or be able to grow up properly, or if they'll be traumatized because of their father.

This is all to say: I don't know exactly the contexts you've heard "saying mpreg is gross is transphobic" in, but to me, arguing against "mpreg = gross" is a necessary part of dealing with the objectifying & dehumanizing way we see male pregnancy discussed in fandom spaces. Male pregnancy should be just the same as female pregnancy. Its normal, its natural. Some people have fetishes relating to it. Some people are really disturbed by the idea of it happening to them. & while there are unique brands of misogyny directed at pregnant women, the image of a pregnant woman isn't treated like something inherently dirty and obscene the same way a pregnant man is. People finding male pregnancy strange or gross- not because of dysphoria or personal preference, but out of transandrophobia- is the status quo right now, and its important to counteract this by normalizing male pregnancy as A Thing Some Men Do.