#but i know a lot of y’all are either biphobic or you think only women can be bisexual 🙄😒

[blue-eye-samurai]

Thank you @sitephi and @dicapiito for speaking up about this topic.

I completely agree — at first glance it doesn’t feel wrong at all. Headcanons can be fun and it’s normal for different people to interpret fictional media in different ways. However, it stops being fun and starts getting problematic when certain people begin to act like their personal interpretations MUST be accepted as irrefutable facts.

We see white queers doing this ALL THE TIME with non white characters who are marginalized in other ways. They are not used to consuming media that is not centered around them and their lived experiences, so they immediately start projecting themselves onto those characters because otherwise they can’t relate to the narrative of the story.

It’s really frustrating how so many people think it’s okay to discount Mizu as woman when she gives us (the audience) a very clear and valid perspective of what it’s like to be marginalized as a cishet woman of color. It’s upsetting how so many white minorities continue to act entitled to stories that are not about them and were not created for them in the first place.

I mean, even the show’s writers knew this would happen. They knew that the audience would watch the first episode and assume that Mizu is either A) a cishet man, B) a transman or nonbinary person or C) a butch lesbian. They knew people were going to think this way because “nobody this cool could ever be a cishet woman”. And then they accuse the show’s creators of “queer baiting” them simply because they didn’t get what they expected from Mizu.

Whether they want to admit or not, these are still the assumptions that many folks always make when it comes to women who are not traditionally feminine.

Women of color in particular are always expected to overcompensate and must be hyper feminine in order to even be seen as “women”. We grow up disliking our own ethnic features because we’re taught to think of ourselves as either ugly or as just a sexual object, so because of this we always feel like we have to make up for something when it comes to society’s ideal beauty standards.

Example: as a mixed race person, Mizu is seen as unattractive in 1600s Edo, Japan. Mikio’s first words to her were “you’re not as hideous as I expected” and he says this so causally because they both know she’s not considered beautiful in their society. Mizu is not even considered truly “Japanese” even though she was born + raised there, only speaks Japanese and also had a Japanese parent.

Even while presenting as a man, people everywhere are constantly saying that Mizu is ugly. Women aren’t considered “women” if they aren’t beautiful and traditionally feminine, so for Mizu to be both mixed race AND an unattractive woman (again, in their mind), that just makes her double the sin in society’s eyes.

Up until this point Mizu had never even been allowed to live publicly as a woman because her “mother” stripped away her womanhood since birth and insisted that Mizu “must always be a boy” in order to survive, so I don’t doubt that also contributes to Mizu’s pain and trauma. She has never been allowed to be fully herself. Not even once. Mizu is miserable living this way and it’s frustrating how white queers don’t realize that because they’re too busy projecting themselves onto her.

They see a strong able bodied character who is not traditionally feminine and decide that is not a woman.

They see a character who binds their breasts and decide that is a transman or nonbinary person.

They see a character who is not very outwardly emotional and decide that person is autistic.

They see a character who has other priorities besides sex and decide that person is asexual.

And so on, and so on … it’s all just one projection after another. And a lot of them will say things like “Mizu is too cool to be cishet lol” and I’m like??? Since when are stories about cishet women of color considered too boring for audiences? Last I checked — we rarely get representation, much less good representation that is both well written and well researched.

Also, it’s so interesting to me how many of them have such an easy time accepting Akemi as a “woman” but not Mizu. And we all know why — it’s because Akemi is exactly what society thinks women should be: delicate, submissive, thin, rich, “pure blood” and traditionally feminine. Basically she is all the things that Mizu lacks in their eyes. And again, the writers know this too because that’s exactly why Mizu hates Akemi at first.

Mizu is jealous of Akemi because she gets to live publicly as a woman and is openly accepted by other women around her. One of the reasons why Mizu is so angry is because she was denied womanhood! All Mizu really wants is to be accepted as a fellow Japanese woman and yet white queers are genuinely out here constantly arguing otherwise. 🤦🏻‍♀️

On first glance theres nothing inherently wrong w lgbt/nd hcs of characters of color or whatever. But on a more deeper level it says something when white minorities keep making theories and hcs about characters of colour (who are cishet and nt) because they cannot relate to them otherwise. like w the mizu thing - most of the time i would encourage lgbt hcs, ace hcs, autism hcs etc but especially in the shows context..no. shes literally a cishet woman! its not even a zhu chongba situation where someones faking being a man but is also genuinely nonbinary/possibly transmasc. mizu is not lgbt and thats fine. mizus opression comes from her race (specifically being mixed with white) and gender (the swordsmaster accepts her race and past, but doesnt listen to her when shes going to confess being a woman) . Also shes FORCED to be a man and its not even like a "i was forced at first but now im content and i might be a man all along" like no.

Note: since i tagged this and strangers might see it- im a bi white+asian trans man whos autistic. So dont pull the 'ur just bigoted' shit.

[fandomshatelgbtqpeople]

I mean, there's a giant fucking difference between "I've always been bi, but I thought I was a lesbian for a while until something made me realize I never was" and "I was a lesbian until I met Mister Right and now I totally like men too", but go ahead and support lesbophobic bi women who support conversion therapy rhetoric and call us slurs over lesbians who are literally raped and murdered because of that belief. we all knew ya'll never gave half a shit about lesbians anyway. ya'll never do.

Right? We have no disagreement here? What I said is that bi women can write about someone who thought they were a lesbian until they realized they were bi because that’s a common experience that bi women have. I have no idea where you got the other one, but it’s not from anything I said. You’re putting words in my mouth.

Also, who the hell is y’all?  

mod k

—

Okay, I don’t know why this is getting so aggressive. I don’t know if the cause of this was the ask I answered or mod k or one of the other mods. But we did not start this blog to answer the debate of lesbophobic bis vs biphobic lesbians. Unfortunately, members of both communities do things that are harmful to each other. There is a big difference between “I thought I was *insert one wlw/mlm label here* but it turns out I’m *other wlw/mlm label” and “You can be fixed with the right person of opposite gender!”

We do not support the latter. We support the former, which is very common more than one way. Sometimes people who are gay or lesbian previously thought they were bi. Sometimes people who are bi once thought they were only interested in the same gender. Personally, I know being bi isn’t completely 50/50 with that. It gets seriously confusing. Like K said, we just want bi women to be able to write their stories and y’all are up here telling us we’re erasing lesbians that way or when bi women love men?

That being said, I think the issue is that we need to look at specific examples of this. Describing it generally is possibly what’s getting everyone’s knickers in a twist. What bothered me about the ask I answered was the way the anon specified BI characters and then talked about them being a LESBIAN trope. That’s literally not how it works. Bi characters deal with bi tropes unless they actually do use the lesbian label, thus finding that they fit in a different label than previously thought (either way)

I don’t know what lesbophobic bi woman you claim we’re supporting, but no one’s supporting conversion therapy on here or trying to silence lesbians about their struggle. But we also don’t have to silence those who are bi either. I think these asks are just getting out of hand due to miscommunication and both communities are feeling excluded by the other, when we should be supporting our wlw sisters.

I can see why it’s wrong for someone who is not a lesbian to write “I used to be a lesbian but!!!” as opposed to “I thought I was a lesbian, turns out I’m bi/pan” but seeing as I don’t know the works in question, I can’t say which one these are actually in the book (it’s a book, correct?). The straight woman writing it is automatically cancelled, as is any man writing about women that way. The bi one, like I said, we’d have to find out. (Though if it is a lesbophobic conversion rhetoric, I also don’t want to give my $ to it, so has anyone READ it? That y’all can give me quotes on this?)

I’m sorry you feel we don’t care about you. We do. I’m sorry if it seems like we’re not taking your complaints seriously, but we’ve also been getting things on the reverse side about biphobia in the lesbian community, so we’re getting a lot of angry, upset people sending in messages against the others and I’d rather not have that. Like I said, it’s not what we made this blog for. Intracommunity issues are so important but I really fell like we can do that…civilly? And I don’t just mean this to this anon, but to everyone sending in messages and all the mods. I know we all want to be heard and we all will. I don’t know if we have the power to bring peace between us all with this little fandom tumblr blog but we can damn well try.

I had a lot to say and this is so long and I probably forgot things and K already said stuff before I got to publish this but I guess I’ll stop now.

-mod a

[catboyfeli]

it’s so fucking sad how much the left has ruined the lgbt community.

they’re convincing gnc kids they’re nonbinary when they’re not and allowing them to invade trans spaces. they convince tomboys their trans and insist boys who like dresses are nonbinary.

gender isn’t what you like or wear. it’s your connection with your sex and perceived gender. if you like having a penis or want a penis, you’re male. if you like having a vagina or want a vagina, you’re female. if you want both, dislike both, or anything similar, you’re either confused, or experience atypical/nonbinary dysphoria. it’s very rare to experience social dysphoria and not physical dysphoria. BUT for social dysphoria since y’all like to try and be smart, if you like being perceived as your biological sex, you’re cis! congrats! dysphoria is when you experience discomfort from being perceived that way!

that’s it. people need to stop telling cisgender people they’re trans or nonbinary just because they’re fucking gnc. i’m so tired of feminine men being told they’re nonbinary when they’re 100% happy with their sex. that’s fucking harmful and toxic and it’s literally just pushing gender roles.

gnc cishets basically are allowed in the lgbt community, just like they should be. except they have to say they’re nonbinary to get in. and since so many of y’all think gender is a ~feeling~ the communitys full of cis people saying they’re trans when they’re not and just don’t know any better.

i was looking up feminine men on pinterest because i love feminine guys, and of course ran into nonbinary stuff. when it’s literally just a man! wearing female clothes! that’s fucking okay!!! there’s no such thing as “nonbinary” fashion!! it’s called fucking gnc!!!!!

men can like makeup! men can like dresses! men can like feminine fashion and long hair and perfume and being the little spoon and taking on the feminine role in relationships! THEYRE STILL MEN!!!

anyway my point still stands that gnc people, including cishets, are allowed in lgbt. they shouldn’t have to use a fake label just to get support. gnc people have been in the community much longer than y’all realize, and not all are trans or gay/bi! and that’s!!! okay!!!! they still face discrimination for being gnc!!!! being cishet doesn’t help that and sometimes makes it even more difficult!!!

basically trans / nonbinary = dysphoria or “gender incongruence”

that’s it. let feminine men fucking exist, along with masculine women. if you’re not gonna insist a feminine trans guy is secretly nonbinary then why do you insist feminine cis men are?

this also ties into the whole pansexual thing tbh.

oh gee i didnt know bisexuals were only into feminine women and masculine men!!! who woulda thought!!!!!

yeah no. i’ve already talked about how you’re not attracted to pronouns and how nonbinary isn’t a third sex (or even a third gender, really, since it’s just a combination of male and female). BUT THIS IS EVEN MORE FUCKING RIDICULOUS. bisexuals have always been attracted to androgyny, feminine men, and masculine women. this is just so fucking biphobic any way you look at it.

why do bisexuals need a label to be “”inclusive”” of gnc-ness??? why don’t you feel the need to separate gay men into whether they like gnc men or not too??  or lesbians??? or straight people??? oh wait. because that’s not about fucking gender is it??? because what you wear and act like doesn’t determine your gender!!!!!!

and nonbinary is such an extremely rare occurrence that you literally don’t need a new sexuality just to include them!! there’s less nonbinary than trans people and trans people only make up 0.37% of the population!!! nonbinary people still either have a male or female sex! there’s only two sexes! and bisexuals like both so ta-fucking-da they’re also into nonbinary people!

intersex doesn’t change anything because that’s a MUTATION and the person is still primarily either female or male! why is this so fucking difficult for people to understand! bisexuals didn’t fight for their rights all these fucking years just to be replaced by a sexuality that’s literally the exact same thing !!!

there’s only two genders. nonbinary is an INCREDIBLY RARE occurrence that causes the person’s brain to be both male and female at the same time. and there still isn’t even proof due to so little studies, this is just the only scientifically possible way for nonbinary to be a thing. a combination of male and female isn’t a third gender, it’s a disorder, just like intersex, and that’s! okay!! disorder isn’t a dirty word!!! there’s only two sexes and there’s only supposed to be two genders! being both genders at once creates dysphoria / discomfort which lessens one’s quality of life, which is considered! a! disorder!!! gender doesn’t equal anything other than one’s connection to their sex!!! that’s literally it!! bisexuals are still attracted to nonbinary people and always ! have ! been !!!

in conclusion  about 29,600,000 trans people exist and about 800000 nonbinary people exist. so most of y’all are just cis and that’s literally okay.

and  this just proves my point tho that gnc cishets should be considered lgbt and by gnc i mean like a butch that's cishet, so not actually a butch, but SEEMS like one. not just, yknow, a cishet girl that wears ties sometimes lmao. in extension, a cishet twink, so not ACTUALLY a twink, but just seems like one.

there's already a lot of confused, gnc cishets anyway. they've been part of the community longer than people realize, and it shouldn't rly matter if they're gay or trans or not, just that they deserve support. most gnc people are bi or gay, but not all are!! and they deserve support!! they have nowhere to go!! and also they face misdirected homo/transphobia!

[bibitchtude]

Okay I got a few issues with this, first lesbophobia is taken seriously in the lgbt community?! Ummmm I don’t know where you’ve been but that hasn’t been true and has never been true. This line feels like it’s ignoring butch lesbians, non-binary lesbians, lesbians of color, and trans lesbian who I’m sure would heavily disagree with that line. I mean have you seen the way people talk about and portray butch lesbians?!

To be completely honest a lot of stuff isn’t taken seriously in the lgbt community but lesbophobia isn’t the one thing the lgbt community unites on. This “community” and the white gays who inhabit it don’t wanna take care of it’s racism problem you really think they care about lesbophobia? We can talk about how biphobia isn’t taken seriously and how bi people do have to control their tones when we speak up about biphobia in lgbt spaces but throwing lesbians under the bus isn’t the way to go about it. Also the the assumption that gay men don’t really have the much of an axe to grind with bi men is ridiculous and very very very untrue. I urge y’all to listen to bi men cause they’ll be singing a different tune.

Personally I don’t agree with the bi4bi thing and the only reason why is because it’s so hard for women to find other women to date so to reject or close off your options to women who aren’t bi just seems kinda lonely. I however I’m all for teaching bi women to recognize biphobic abuse in situations were they are partnered up with either a man or a women and leaving said situation safely and having a support group behind them. I get that seeing biphobia by the communities who supposed to have our backs is kinda shitty but acting like lesbians are treated better in the lgbt community is plainly false.

I hope I came off pretty gentle I’m not trying to be a mean person here. If there are any typos ignore them.

(terfs and febfems dni I hate y’all)

I’m going to preface this post by saying:

Lesbians do not opppress bisexuals. Lesbians are not more likely to be prejudiced than bisexuals. Lesbians are not the big bad of the LGBT community.

Everything I’m about to say here is talking about intracommunity issues. Cishets could care less about our little squabbles and hate us all the same.

In light of the situation with the bi4bi app, I’ve seen some lesbians respond to it by deciding to distance themselves from bisexuals even more. I don’t want to make it seem like I believe that in comparison to biphobia, lesbophobia isn’t that bad and it’s “bisexuals time to shine”.

What I am saying is that instances like these shouldn’t delegitimize the bisexual community’s pain and grievances at large. The “mean lesbian” stereotype is absolutely an issue and should be treated with care, but the reality is, often times when bis talk about the biphobia that happens in wlw spaces specifically, people will point to instances of lesbophobia (like the bi4bi app) perpetuated by bisexuals and decide to burn bridges. But you shouldn’t be looking for the “last straw”. Despite the biphobia I’ve faced from the lesbian community, that doesn’t mean I get to or want to abandon the lesbian community as a whole. That doesn’t even make sense.

I’m going to get real. Bisexuals (normal ones, not lesbophobic freaks) are often walking on eggshells when it comes to these sorts of conversations, and lesbians often are not expected to. To be frank, lesbophobia is taken more seriously than biphobia within the LGBT community. Attempting to communicate that ends up feeling like a targeted attack on lesbians but you first have to understand the historical reasoning for this. Bisexuals being treated badly and outright ostracized has created this climate, and that is backed by real documented history most people have accesss to. It’s not all lesbians fault, but lesbian separatist ideology has caused deep divides and nasty attitudes that are still affecting all of us to this very day.

Lesbians absolutely do not oppress me, but there is an interesting dynamic at play here backed by decades of tumultuous history on a community wide scale. There are deep scars here. That doesn’t negate the fact that many lesbians have been hurt by bisexuals in kind, or the fact that you still cannot demonize all lesbians because of the actions of a few in the grand scheme. But we HAVE to talk about this shit, and do our best to not hear each other in bad faith. The issues we have today didn’t pop out of nowhere.

Bisexuals have higher rates for mental illness, addiction, abuse, homelessness, and isolation compared to lesbians and gay men. A friend of mine put the reasoning for that really succinctly. “We aren’t more oppressed, so what could be the reason for that? We are rejected and shamed and pushed out by the people that are supposed to support us, that’s why. When you say, “I’m only going to care about lesbians from now on”, you’re following a pattern of mentality that’s been around for decades that actively harms us.”

We have to stop the pattern.

[cerullos]

You don't have to answer. Reading the responses to that reblog about ace struggles made me really sad. The way you talk about the ace thing in general makes me sad. And I really like you, actually. I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. And a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist. Ad infinitum. This doesn't have to be the oppression olympics. Intersectionality is the only way out of this mess.

And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence. Is that as bad as being electrocuted? No. But is that the point here? Why say that? Why amplify that kind of divisive message? We just want to belong somewhere. You can believe this or not, but we’re dying here. The LGBT community has been the only safe place I’ve known my entire life. To figure out years later that I was labeling..

myself wrong? It was the most terrifying feeling I’ve ever experienced. It still is. It’s like we don’t exist. One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.

Straight people see us simply as gay, and treat us that way. So we’re getting electrocuted too. Sexual, gay people tell us we’re ‘cis/het’ liars trying to steal their community. So we have no safe space. We can’t find partners. Our friends, family, and fellow LGBT ppl don’t understand us or even believe in our existence. We are constantly questioning out own existence. I don’t mean to flood you. I realize that’s what I’m doing. But I’ve seen this kind of post coming from your direction a few…

times now. And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly. You’ve got a lot of followers. And being ace has made me full on suicidal in the past. So just. Think about it. Gay ace is a real thing. Can you see how you might have…

privilege over a person like that? everyone in my life sees me as gay. I fall in love with women. and yet here we are. can’t you see how I might want to be in your shoes? At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.

Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.

okay, this is long but i’m going to try to keep my answers as succinct as possible. i don’t know if this was your intention, but elements of this message feel vaguely guilt-tripping, despite the fact that none of what you’ve mentioned here presents an argument i haven’t already seen and strongly disagreed with.

“ I know some in the ace community are homophobic fucks. a lot of ppl in the gay community are transphobic. And a lot of trans people are biphobic. And a lot of bi people are sexist […] This doesn’t have to be the oppression olympics. ”

two things: one, you’re referring to lateral aggression in every instance but the first. what i mean by lateral aggression is that it occurs between two people–within the same community–who experience oppression along different axes (e.g. a straight trans person and a cis gay person). in contrast, a cis straight ace man who engages in homophobia and/or transphobia is not “laterally aggressing” his victim, he’s oppressing them. the reason LGBT people have become so vocal against inclusion of cis straight aces is because their oppressors are now gaining entrance to their exclusive spaces, and speaking over them. and whereas a lesbian can voice her discomfort with this on tumblr, she’s forced to stay silent at her local GSA for her own safety.

two, this isn’t an issue of a “handful” of violently homophobic people in the ace community. the founder of aven–david jay–was a homophobic white cishet man, and the platform on which he built his activism was homophobic. moreover, oppression against (straight, cis) ace people is not enforceable, because who is and isn’t ace depends entirely on the decision to identify as such! there are (as the ace community has been told many, many times) plenty of LGBT people (if not most) who have a complicated relationship with sex and sexual attraction due to abuse/assault, compulsive heterosexuality, dysmorphia, etc. none of these people can be considered “allosexual,” even if they (for perfectly valid reasons) decline to share this information publicly! these people deal with many of the same issues you’ve mentioned here (e.g. choosing between getting dumped or engaging in sexual acts when they would rather not), although they would likely attribute this to homophobia, misogyny and rape culture, not aphobia.

also: the “oppression olympics” is nonsensical and offensive and i wish y’all would stop passing that term around. yes, the LGBT community’s history is absolutely rooted in oppression of same-gender attracted and trans individuals! and yes, the community exists to actively oppose legislation that exists to oppress them, and to provide resources for those affected. the community was not founded in order to provide comfort to people who feel outcast from society for [x] reason. when you make this claim (or when you sarcastically liken the community to an exclusive “club” one gains entrance to by virtue of being oppressed) you miss the point entirely. it’s watering down the mission statement and end goal of this community, plain and simple.

“And it’s true. Ace people have not faced systemic oppression. It’s hard to systemically oppress someone when you systemically refuse to acknowledge their existence.”

i find this argument (which is repeated often) to be ridiculous when the LGBT community has years of coherent history, and AVEN (and the popularization of identifying as asexual in the first place) has only gained prominence within the last decade or so. on top of that, as any oppressed individual will tell you, (and, again, something that has been repeated very often and rarely acknowledged) hypervisibility is dangerous to the oppressed! black and latinx trans women and gay men are the most endangered members of the LGBT community because it is impossible for them to “hide” themselves.

this alone should make it clear to you that what the LGBT community want and what the ace community want are two very different things–so what exactly would their shared goal in activism be? what purpose would expanding the community to include straight cis aces serve other than comforting individuals who resent being excluded? LGBT people may share the ace community’s desire for representation in media, but visibility–within the context of their everyday lives–is exactly what’s getting them killed. the pulse shooting is obviously the most recent example of this, but it’s one of many.

“One person was shitting on people who say they’re ‘gay ace’. Why? Can’t I still fall in love with women, despite not experiencing sexual attraction? Don’t you think I would rather enjoy sex with my partner? Being able to give her what she needs? Not being left again and again? Loneliness is a very real pain. And gay ace people exist. I exist. And let me tell you, we’re lonely as fuck.”

you’re introducing a very different argument here, and one i obviously don’t agree with. if you’re a gay ace, you belong in the LGBT community. i’m sorry you’ve been told otherwise. but if this entire passage (and the several paragraphs following it) are meant to convince me of this, i don’t know what to tell you? i’ve said before that–based on my history and  relationship with sex and sexual attraction–i could easily identify as an ace lesbian. i don’t, for some of the reasons listed above, and personal reasons of my own–and i don’t benefit from failing to identify as ace in any material way.

“And I feel like maybe this will make you think a bit about what it might feel like to not ever experience the thing EVERYBODY is talking about. Building their lives around. To feel like your broken. Like you’re gonna die alone. Being constantly told you’re not real, your feelings aren’t valid, your struggle is silly.”

i’m genuinely sorry you’re feeling this way, but again, if you think this is an experience LGBT people (ace or otherwise) don’t share, then i’m not the one turning a blind eye here.

“At least you’re real. At least you have a community. At least you have *some* representation that rings true to your experience. At least you could get a girlfriend that loves you and build a life without either getting dumped for not putting out or subjecting yourself to sex when your body doesn’t want it.”

you need to consider that you are making assumptions about what i want from a relationship based on the fact that i don’t publicly identify as ace. this is another thing we’ve been repeating constantly: you cannot do that, and therein lies one of the issues with asexuality as a framework for oppression. also, even on the off chance that i had a perfectly healthy relationship with and desire for sex (which–as i’ve said–very few people in the LGBT community do) none of us can just “get a girlfriend.” to suggest it’s more difficult for ace people is ridiculous when LGBT people have had to resort to dating apps and LGBT-exclusive spaces in order to find people to date in the first place. and before you say that similar spaces don’t exist for aces: they need to be built, just like ours were. the onus is on adult aces, not “allo” LGBT people.  

and, again, what an ace person would potentially want from an ace-exclusive space is not what an LGBT person (provably, historically) would want from an LGBT-exclusive space. ace condemnation of sex and sexuality is valid at the individual level, but it can be suffocating (and, yes–oppressive) to LGBT people who have fought long and hard to take pride in their sexuality. telling LGBT people that their love and “PDA” is “dirty” and “impure” is nothing new or progressive, it’s textbook homophobia, and those attitudes are damaging to us.

“Anyways. I’m not writing this because I want you to answer anything. I’m just hoping you’ll read it and think about it a bit, maybe. If you have, thank you. I really like you Christine. Not trying to be a bitch. But I doubt I’m the only one whose feelings get hurt when you amplify the ‘ace people are cis/hets trying to crash the LGBT community’ noise. - With love in my heart, from a long time follower.”

look…i hate to tell you this because i don’t think you mean any harm, and i’m not trying to attack you–but, as i think i said earlier, none of the arguments you’ve presented here are new to me. these are arguments that have been addressed and derailed by LGBT people (many of them ace themselves) multiple times, to no end. what you’ve mentioned here highlights an important point, and that’s “hurt feelings.” those are the stakes for straight cis aces–those are not the stakes for LGBT people (and i include LGBT aces in this statement). but i haven’t “learned” anything from these messages–i’ve never plugged my ears and ignored the arguments of straight cis aces, i’ve listened to them very carefully. and they’ve informed my opinion on this matter–an opinion that hasn’t changed and will not change. if that’s upsetting to you, you can unfollow–i won’t hold it against you!