#but i know I won't get the financial help i need bc why would I get it right

[illitten]

.

[moonstruckme]

Oh babe I read your post about graduation and life after. I FEEL YOU SO MUCH!!!!!!! I’m graduating Friday and I pursued a film degree in a city with little to no opportunities for that industry. Don’t know why I did that. Sorry to my parents who sacrificed a lot to put me through school. Moving to a bigger city is not an option bc I can’t afford it. Might be moving back in with my parents might not be. Everyone is asking whats next for me. Girl idk. I’m stressed I’m anxious. I hate it here. The real world sucks and I just want to skip over all this character building stuff and get to the part of my life where I’m happy with a career and can actually afford groceries. Sometimes I wish my dreams weren’t as big.

Hi gorgeous! First of all, I'm so sorry you feel that way. I promise your degree has value whether you feel like you can get a job out of it right away or not, and I won't pretend to know how your parents feel but I doubt they would have sacrified anything if they didn't feel your education was worthwhile. Graduating from college is a big deal nonetheless ! We both know I'm struggling with this too but I have some pieces of advice that have been given to me and I've found helpful if you want them <3

Obviously, "almost no one works in something related to their degree" is a really disheartening thing to hear, and I bet you've been hearing it (like I have) a lot lately. But what I think the people who say that are trying to convey is that there is no shame in just doing a job that makes some money (and preferably also makes you happy), and sometimes that financial security can help you pursue your dreams with a bit more surety since you're no longer trying to find a way to eat at the same time.

A few months ago, I talked to my mom about how guilty I feel about potentially not being able to get a job relevant to my degree after she helped put me through college, and while I know not all parents feel the same way about this, I think she made some great points. She said that college is about learning how to think, and your education and the experiences you've had in college will always be valuable no matter what job you end up with. And did you have a good time? Did you like learning all those things you did about film? Did you meet some cool friends, or get to talk about your interests with people who get it? If so, none of it was wasted.

It's so, so easy to feel pressure from others when you're trying to figure out your life post-grad, but in my experience most of that pressure is really internal. People ask what's next for you because they're interested, not becuase they have any one specific path in mind, and the vast majority of the time if you seem happy, they're happy. If you're not happy, fuck it! Then your priority should probably be getting to a place where you are happy, and those conversations really don't matter when you've got bigger fish to fry.

Last thing, but as someone also struggling to re-orient herself in her life plan, I've been taking a lot of time to figure out my priorities. I kind of got stuck in this idea of what my life was going to be, and once that seemed less certain I started questioning what I wanted if I didn't have to do that. I'm making a pinterest board (always my first course of action haha), and it's helped me figure out that whatever I do, I want to be around nature and books, and to live in a mid-size city. Figuring out what I need to be happy has really put things into perspective for me, and I'm sorry I don't mean to assume we're in the exact same mental state but I just want to give you all the stuff that's been working for me in case any of it fits into your situation too.

You can still use your passion in film while working another job, or use that job to save to move to a larger city, or maybe even reflect and find that you're content keeping the film thing as a hobby and there's something else you enjoy doing for a career (I know how heartbreaking that can sound when you love something, but that's how writing has turned out for me so I just wanted to put it out there--feel free to reject it of course). For me, trying to open my mind to all the possibilities and re-evaluate what I want from the next few years has been super scary but also kind of exciting, and I hope that whatever happens for you you're able to find happiness in the big and little things. Wishing you all the best my love!

[supercantaloupe]

rambling from work (youth orchestra) tonight. ignore me

new part time assistant conductor/manager/violin coach at youth orchestra and it's my beloved violin friend from brahms violin concerto !! i was so delighted to see her i immediately threw my hands open for a hug when she walked into the rehearsal room to help set up before rehearsal tonight. it's good to have another pair of hands helping out since our other asst conductor, while he's wonderful at what he does, can't make every rehearsal all the time due to family commitments. on that note i told maestro that i have to take a required class next semester on wednesday afternoons that will prevent me from being able to get to youth orchestra rehearsals in time to set up before rehearsal starts...but we move. it's an unavoidable conflict (required course for my degree and the last one i need before i can be officially done) so the others will just have to pitch in more to help set up in my absence. i also mentioned that i may have to take a class on tuesday evenings which would overlap and conflict with orchestra rehearsals, but it turns out that won't even be an issue because la boheme in the spring is gonna be a reduced orchestration with only one oboe part so i wasn't even gonna be on the hook anyway. so continuing my current arrangement of attending one rehearsal a week (thurs only instead of thurs and tues outside of concert weeks) will work just fine next spring. while i'm slightly disappointed i won't get to play another opera it will undeniably be a weight off my shoulders in terms of scheduling stress, also now i get to actually watch it which will be fun. anyway maestro also introduced the new assistant/violin teacher to our org managing director by calling her a wonderful player and concertmistress (correct) she was like "you're being too nice" and maestro was like "i'm not being nice it's just true" LOL. i get it girl he talks about me the same way. actually when we were leaving the building tonight i ended up chatting with maestro in the parking lot a little about work and money. as great as the vienna trip looks on paper i'm kind of doubtful it will end up happening bc apparently the sign up numbers are kind of low and we can't run the trip if we don't get a big enough crowd. and i understand why, the price for the trip is...a lot. i don't remember exactly what the cost of the italy trip i went on in my youth orchestra days was but i would hazard to say this vienna trip is twice the price...yikes. maestro was telling me how even with all his different jobs he feels like everything has gotten so expensive what with inflation and taxes and everything that it's getting tough to keep up financially with everything. i don't even have a mortgage or kids but man i feel him. i said i'm just glad to have my fellowship, i'm getting two master's degrees for basically free (plus a modest living stipend which really doesn't cover living in this stupid city very well lol but i'm hustling). this youth orchestra managing gig, i'm grateful to have it, and the extra cash on the side is certainly appreciated, but i am not doing it for the money. apparently neither is maestro because he told me it's probably his worst paying gig despite it being the biggest and most well funded organization and performance venue...lol. but then he got to suggesting different people he knows (most of whom i also know albeit kind of poorly and tangentially) i should talk to re: work and also suggesting different positions i should look into once i'm done my degrees like librarian for [redacted local orchestra]. because what this current gig lacks in terms of payment, it is a huge boon to me in terms of experience and resume power...i mean i'm scarcely 24 and i have a managing job under my belt already. that's going to be huge for me once i start looking for full time work after grad school...hopefully. we'll see i guess. anyway maestro told me that i'm "amazing as always" and then went to his car to go home

[khaleesiofalicante]

Hey Dani. I hope you're feeling better today. I had a few questions if you're up for it.

How is the Alliance funded? Like I know cassie hasn't mentioned that but what do you think? Like in lbaf the Alliance is expanding so much so who pays them? And are they even paid? And do they have any rules and regulations and do they have to answer to the Clave?

How do the downworlders feel about David or Lance being the Prince of Darkness and Kincaid being the Crimson King? And how do they feel about the way Idris is rn with the dshadow demons and Idris Patrol etc?

Will we get to see/know what exactly happened to Joseph and what happened when Lance was born?

I've been very curious about what Max would do for a living to support his family but I never imagined him providing warlock services to mundanes. For some reason I was imagining him working for the FBI or something. What kind of work does he actually do and does he actually like it?

I'm sure having a child who has a disability requires a lot more care than it usually would. How would Mavid provide all that special care to Lance when they can't afford it. In IALS they could do that bc David became rich. Is he going to write in lbaf too?

Did Magnus cry when he met Lance for the first time too?

I know you might not be able to answer some or most of these because of spoilers and that's okay. I was just very curious. Thankyou!

Love, Yana

Hi, Yana! I'm doing a lil better. But the weather here is very awful and it's not helping with my mental health hehe.

Thank you for the questions. I love questions like these! Now, let's see.

It's definitely funded by the Clave. All sub-institutions - including the Institutes and the Idris Patrol - are funded by the Clave. Shadowhunters are paid based on their job - like heads of institutes, patrollers, Clave leaders, medics, etc. So, the person running the Alliance (the shadowhunter - since it's their full-time job to run it) is paid too. This is why Anjali wanted to do a pilot of the regional Alliances (to see if it works and is worth the money/effort) before they expand it. It's the Treasury's job to take care of all these expenses. The current Clave is doing well financially (yay) because of Devlin Corp (yay?). The Alliance, since it is run by the Clave, does answer to the Clave. There are a set number of meetings they need to have every month and targets they need to achieve (collectively decided by Alliance representatives) and they closely work with the Consul to do all of this. Happy to talk more about the Alliance since I looooove it.

First things first, not everyone knows about the Crimson King. Only tmi/lbaf gang, seelie world, crimson watch and a bunch of others (like Jackson/Achilles) know about it. It's still a big secret to most of the shadow world. Especially at this point in time. They all simply think Lance is going to grow up and destroy Idris. They don't know there is a way (a person) who can stop him. As for the down world, they are divided about Lance/PoD (which doesn't help the situ with the Alliance). Seelies support him. Werewolves do not. Warlocks have walked out (meaning if Lance attacked Idris, they won't support defending it) and vampires are enjoying the drama. Some of them understand the need for the Idris Patrol (not warlocks!) and others like the shadow demons (like vampires because it means they can move during the day)

Absolutely

Max doesn't have a lot of options in terms of his job because he walked out of the Clave. His only option is to work with mundanes. He can do a mundane job but he doesn't have any interest in it or have any qualifications either. We will look into Max's jobmore in his short story.

David is not in a place to write in LBAF. I don't think it has even occurred to him that he can write (mundane stories) in the shadow world. But you are absolutely right in that raising Lance (and Arthur) is going to be expensive and is gonna cause some problems. If you notice, what David did in IALS was kinda messed up (i still love u bb), we will see something similar (not from David) in LBAF too. It's all about the hustle, honey.

No. He was scared.

Loveeeeeee you.

[rahleeyah]

i have so many feelings about the end of ted lasso. personally, i’m glad ted and rebecca remained friends, though i would have been totally cool if they were more. ted leaving felt so shitty because there is nothing good for him left in kansas except for his son, really. his friends, his support systems, dr. sharon… it isn’t clear to me if ted has friends other than beard and it breaks my heart.

honestly, it feels almost like a step backwards cause ted isn’t moving on from richmond, he’s just going back to kansas where… what job does he even have?

idk, i get why the show ended the way it did. i think that any other ending would have felt too happy-go-lucky-unrealistic but i’m still sad about it

(though to be clear i’m not mad at the ending, i just am sad on behalf of ted)

That's the sticking point for me, is that Ted is left with nothing, and he doesn't even look that happy about it. Now, the argument is that he has the one thing he wanted most, the chance to be with his son, to be part of his son's day to day life (which is a time sensitive desire, there's a clock running on Henry's childhood and Ted can't wait and be there later it has to be now or never, and he also will never have the chance to do that again), to love his son and not leave his son with the same wounds he grew up with as a result of losing his father. Ted has sacrificed everything to make his son's life better. A lot of parents can relate.

While Ted has my dream life in London, he is not the ultimate decision maker for his son; Michelle has to be on board with whatever choice he makes, too. Now if I'm Michelle, and Ted is willing to help financially, me and my baby are on the first plane out of the states, but that's me. Michelle may have stronger family ties. Michelle and Ted may want those family ties for Henry, and not want to sever him from them. They may want to raise him in a less high pressure environment than in a big city like London.

And that's the thing is bc Ted's decision was so rushed they didn't have time for any of that. We can guess at why Ted won't hear of taking Henry out of Kansas, but we don't really know - it's not like it was impossible, given Ted's salary, people move internationally, it is not some pie in the sky impossibility, unless there is a reason. We just don't know what that reason is.

Sorry I'm all over the place but the thing is like. Parents make sacrifices for their children. That is absolutely true. That is an insurmountable obstacle for sure. But our last image of Ted is so hopeless. All he has is Henry. That's it. He gave up everything, and he doesn't even look all that happy, and we know he's struggled with anxiety and depression, and what good is making all those sacrifices for Henry if in the end he's unhappy, unfulfilled, lonesome? Henry will sense that. Henry will ultimately be hurt by that.

There isn't like a best answer here, which I think is interesting. If he stays in London sure he can see Henry over facetime and in person periodically but that is not enough to sustain a relationship with a child who is changing by the day; time will put a huge barrier between them. They will not know each other. He may not be getting that much day to day time with Henry now that he's back in the states, who knows what the custody arrangement is, but he can coach Henry's soccer team and see him so much more often and really maintain that relationship. He needs to be where Henry is to have a relationship with his son, and bc he's unwilling to consider relocating Henry, that only leaves one option. And that's best for Henry, and maybe it's best for Ted, bc he won't feel guilty about abandoning his son, and it's so noble, all this sacrifice. It's noble in a way that leaves a bad taste in the mouth, though.

And it's interesting to me bc as I sat here wondering about how, ultimately, Ted was always going to have to leave bc of how the show had established his priorities and concerns, I was wondering about how they could have ended it without doing this, and I find myself thinking what if they hadn't ended it at all? What if they'd left it open, not definitively said Ted was going or staying, not definitively said "Ted's London family will thrive without him and he will never see them again" (he wasn't even at Beard's wedding, if in fact that wedding happened), but ended on a moment of a decision suspended, hope still in the air, a question left unanswered? The ending was pretty ambiguous imo but a little more ambiguity might have been more palatable.

But palatable was not the point. My personal desires and opinions weren't the point. Fathers and sons, forgiveness, selflessness, love for others, these things are central to the plot of the entire damn show, and I guess they were always gonna bring the point home.

Sorry for the ramble it's probably full of typos but I need to do my job now lmao

[jewishrizahawkeye]

latam swiftie here

I'm not on tik tok so idk what's going on there. The math side of the easter eggs has got a bit out of hand and they don'tknow what they're talking about. And I agree with you on "not needing an announcement to make it special". I feel this is kind of similar to when ppl complain about the surprise songs they got. I would have never chosen Labyrinth!! And I got it and loved every second of it!! It's special because it was my surprise song, not the other way around.

I didn't believe we'd get an announcement tonight until her dancers started posting black hearts. But my favourite thing would be for her to just play foolish one.

I'm super grateful for the shows, I got to see the mashup, it was insane and I loved every second of it. I had been waiting for over a decade for this so it meant everything to me. I am not expecting her to do anything other than show up at the announced time and perform (as long as weather and health allows her to).

I waited 3 years between 1989 and rep, im not expecting releases this often. No one was expecting 1989 tv right after speak now (I certainly wasn't expecting it until early next year the soonest). But she did announce it and it did happen. Thats just why it's not that crazy to think of an announcement this soon. It just hurts to see everyone calling us ungrateful. Over 17 years we only got 3 tour dates. And we're so so grateful for it, we tried to show her that with the "we will stay" fan project. I screamed so loud every single lyric I damaged my vocal chords and it took me a week to recover. People are still making edits, friendship bracelets, they're gathering in the parks and doing swiftie meetups, today I gave two fbs away on the subway!!

The reasons why I believe she won't come back are market-related and financial, but the whole T4F fiasco didn't help at all. The local producer (T4F) is responsible, not the stadium (Im saying this bc i saw this confusion a lot, here those are two different companies, I believe in the US it's the same one).

I understand and agree with what you said, I just want you to know we're very grateful for what we got. (and I didn't think you were rude). In all honestly, the feeling I got from everyone in that crowd was excitement and wanting to be a part of something this big. We didn't want to show anything other than support and love. I heard exactly 0 people complain we didn't get an announcement (but I'm not on tik tok so i might be wrong lol)

And no, we're not really a part of this whole thing the same way everyone (the US, Europe and even parts of Asia/Oceania) is. But I'm not gonna complain because at least we got tour dates. There are lots of places who got no tours dates at all (African swifties you're in my heart). I obviously understand she can't please the entire world and that there are financial decisions to be made!! She's a human and a business woman and I understand. But it does mean we get left aside (again! This is a world/capitalism problem where poorer countries get less chances in general and I'm not expecting Taylor to solve this).

Im sorry, this is so long. Im just trying to say that this is a reality (a sad one), that we understand it exceeds her 100%, and are grateful she toured this year. But that in the bigger picture, we're not a part of things like "the rest of you" and I believe thats where this whole rep tv thing is coming from. It doesn't mean we're not super grateful she took a chance on us and visited this year 😊

Thank you for reading and answering. I know you didn't have to. I really hope you enjoy the last show of 2023 :)

hi, please forgive me for a not good response as i’m tired and focusing on my breathing right now.

but thank you again for responding and explaining more about the financial aspect. and i’m so sorry if i ever implied latam swifties were ungrateful, i never meant to or ever thought that as everything i’ve seen has been nothing but overwhelming love and support from latam, and i really really hope she you’re there again because it’s clear the fans love her and i want her to just be able to be with fans and people who love the music. and the fact you guys are still doing friendship bracelet exchanges is insane and i love it!

and i do think she plans on releasing all of the taylor’s versions on the tour and she wanted to hit certain dates, which is why she announced speak now and 1989 so close together. i think we’ll get reputation sometimes early next year (late january or february ((but i think february is more accurate))) and debut a bit closer to the end of the tour.

and i’m not going and sit here and say you’re apart of this tour just as much as any other location is, because again i’m an american so no matter what i’m not going to understand what it’s like in latam. but i really hope it doesn’t feel like you’re apart if this differently than anyone else, this tour is a monumental moment in taylor’s life and career and the fact she’s able to go to so many locations (especially for the first time) is so massive and big in of itself. an album announcement is a special thing but it doesn’t make the tour or anything about the night any less special.

again, im sorry if this isn’t the best response, but i do hope that you have a good night 🫶🏻

[but-a-humble-selfshipper]

I think after chapter 2 Tuvy started working for Mingus and she hired them because they're of the few who can like. Actually Fight. Only drawback being they're so whimsy and goofy. Literally the opposite of Stabby and Shooty being no intimidation all skill. But besides that I think they'd have gone work there too bc while previously they slept w Randy now he works at the funfair and they'll not be sleeping somewhere where the risk of seeing Abel is so high (they were upset about the mingling, yes). Also they're Tired of being in the streets they need some financial security again and if a hot ass woman is willing to provide well...

Not too sure if they'd be part of the mingling or not. I mean, probably? I do have some cool thoughts about them having to face Norm and Gingi though. Because obviously: they Do Not Wish for Mingus to be executed. Because they're their boss and the reason they get to be someone again and they give them little things to do which makes them feel good and also bc they have a fat crush on that woman and deeply care about her (they might or might not be dating by this point) but norm would be like don't care + didn't ask + 💥🔫 snd that last emoji is only a half joke bc what if their screen actually gets damaged exposing their flesh head? Tuvy would freak OUT and the other two would be really fucking shocked but also Norm would call them out so hard bc they're a normie too and working for the fucking mayor?! And it'd be pretty Sad because now they cannot fucking go back anymore because they're scared of the consequences of the truth being revealed and they'd just leave bleeding and crying and cursing and Gingi would be like Norm I think we went a bit far with them and he'd KNOW Gingi's right but it was what had to be done.

There's a less gruesome alternative with them just being bargained into accepting the truth would come out sooner and later + they, a minority, want to help reinforce this bigotry against their very own kind?! And Tuvy would just be like man you're right ☹️ and maybe be like ok but what if i try to talk her out of it? So she won't die? And Norm be like sure fucking be my guest, come back if you have good news but don't stand in my way if you don't and well. Obviously it'd not go well. Which is why they'd be kicked out of the mingling leaving quite literally with their tail between their legs.

I think even if them being a normie was revealed they'd stick to using the tv head bc it feels more comfortable (I mean norm does stick to the paper so.)

[pupintransit]

Month 10 of The Wait™️ is upon us, but can i really call it "The Wait™️" when in two days I'm flying to Quebec? The wait is over. Pack it in boys, the mission's complete.

All told, from the day i told my GP about my goal it took about one full year to the date of surgery. It's ten months from the "official" start of the wait, which is the day that my surgical assessment was sent in to GRS Montréal. It costs a lot more to go to Montréal than stay in BC, but I have no regrets.

Everything that i need has been purchased days ago. Last thing i picked up were the absorbant pads for dilating on. I mentioned briefly in my shopping list post, but if you pick up XL puppy pads it's cheaper than getting the ones rated for humans. It's precisely the same product too, so honestly it just made the most sense.

Although speaking of costs, I've had the privilege of being able to put some money away. Not including the GoFundMe money (I've used that on my flights already) but including my existing savings, i have about $4,000 to play with. Not bad! I doubt i'll be able to keep that up once home in recovery since medical EI won't exactly let me live the life of luxury, but this way I won't need to take out a bank loan until after everything is said is done. Well ideally i won't need to take out a loan, but if it comes to that it's not gonna be so big of a financial hole.

On the topic of the medical EI, i have the requisite form from my doctor which i've sent to the government already. My employer is processing the document the government needs from them on my behalf.... on March 1st. It's later than i would have liked, but there's nothing i can do about it. Today after work i'll be submitting the EI application, which means it will FINALLY be something i can stop worrying about.

It's... i dunno, it's strange. I don't want to seem melodramatic but it's hard to write this particular post. Throughout this month and last month I've had more second thoughts than at any other point in my life. I think about it in two general modes; Logically and Emotionally.

Logically, the decision makes sense. When i think back to adolescence and my early 20s, i recall all the moments i wished to look different than i do now. All the times i wanted what the girls had as a kid, hoping i contracted testicular cancer as a teenager, my jealously of trans men as a young adult. None of these are cisgender thoughts. Cis men aren't distracted by the presence of their genitals when walking or going about their day, and they certainly don't lay awake a night wanting to be AFAB so they could transition and be a man with a vagina. There's scores of evidence suggesting that this isn't a kink or a passing phase. Logically, it makes sense that having a vagina is the correct choice based on everything i've experienced up until this point.

Emotionally, the decision makes me feel good. I'm scared, and frankly it would it be a bad sign if i wasn't, but i'm excited. I'm happy. The logical vein of thinking is retrospective, but the emotional vein is forward thinking. The first few weeks will suck and my crotch will be puffy and in pain, but that will pass. I have an abundant support network which will help me feel less alone during the parts that will really test my resolve. And even though it will not be pretty early on, it will still be mine. I'll see the shapes it'll have and have the mindfulness to know how it'll look fully healed, and when i get dressed in the morning there won't be a buldge. When i put on a gaff i like to look at myself in a mirror to see the bulde in my underwear vanish as i put on the garment, and watch as my front flattens out. The feeling when i watch that isn't arousal, it's relief. I'll still feel that relief even early in recovery when the hard part is still underway, and i can imagine how freeing it will feel after the first year and i'm fully healed. Emotionally, having a vagina and the sensations that come with it make feel happy.

So why the second thoughts? It's permanent, that's why. I can know i'm making an informed decision and remind myself i'm not imangining my dysphoria, but at the end of the day there's no going back. There's no trial period, no refunds, no nothing. It's inherently scary. I guess it makes going through with inherently courageous, but i don't feel courageous. I feel small, nervous, like i want to tuck my tail in and slink away before someone notices. But i'm staying true to what will be best for me. I have a choice, and my choice is that i want to do this.

I'm ready.

[damnsmartblueboxes]

I am quiet as hell about my own struggles bcs I've never been in a situation where asking for help has genuinely been a viable solution to my problems.

But I am not in a good place rn financially or emotionally for any form of signal boosting.

I am too busy drowning in executive dysfunction, and tasks other people pile on me even though, I wanted a perfectly clear schedule to deal with bueracratic nonsense and a job hunt. So I am putting on my air mask first and dealing with my own little plane crash okay?

to be very explicit:

Okay heads up I do not want financial help at this time dealing with setting up a paypal or kofi is way to much stress for my adhd and I could access funds that are behind some bureaucracy if my executives would FUNCTION.

I've been out of grocery money for the past 2 weeks so I am hungry and dehydrated. I have a headache and no medication that will reduce it.

I am coming up on a theater performance deadline and this is the third round of where I've had the "I want to focus on getting a job mom." "But you haven't made progress, you'll have fun, it gets you out and socialized, and they need people" conversation.

I stayed up til 3 washing dishes because that chore has been playing Damocles's sword for over a week. (and it's still not done. 🙃) And then slept through trying to help mom with her car problems today even though I set the alarm so I got 3 hrs of sleep.

My parent's can't help financially right now because a good thing dropped in their laps but the people in charge have piss poor logistics so that costed more than it should and is putting stress on them.

Dad won't let me grow a veggie garden bcs he's a controlling asshat about the property, and we have a giant fucking raccoon problem, and even if I could I couldn't afford it in the way that would work.

I do not have a working vehicle that is insured. I do not know how to hunt for food and I don't have the resources for that. There are NO viable jobs within walking distance.

My everything is unmedicated and untreated. I am dealing with fatigue from Covid from Febuary on top of the who the fuck knows chronic fatigue.

A Mama farmcat and 2 of her kittens have been missing without a trace for the past 3 days leaving 2 traumatized kittens who are begging for attention. I would love to get our farmcats spayed/neutered in homes but we can just manage to feed them and local shelters apparently ask for money to drop off cats.

I am so skin-hungry I could lie in a puppy pile for 6 hours. And part of why groceries are so tricky and expensive is gluten gives me inflammation.

So I will not react nicely to any form of guilt trips. Especially if I don't know you and then have to go through the whole divination process of: is this a scam?

To anyone else reading this how you can help is to send an ask along the lines of: just the that's rough buddy Zuko gif, or you can make it through today, or I wish I could take on those kittens for you.

[multi-kpop-fanfics]

vicky's next request: cheol is the sugar daddy of camboy wonwoo 😂😂

NO BCS I AGREE

Knowing how much his friend struggles financially, Seungcheol would be a regular during Wonwoo's cam shows, tipping the younger man generously, leaving a few hundred bucks every time.

To be completely honest, Wonwoo felt bad for sort of milking his friend of his money, all while he's...well...satisfying his sexual needs on camera.

"Hyung, you gotta stop that, people might think you're my sugar daddy or something", Wonwoo fixes his glasses in embarrassment while drinking his beer. "And what if I am?", Seungcheol takes a sip of his own beer and the younger man chokes on his drink.

"What the fuck, dude?! Don't say that stuff out loud!", Wonwoo whisper-yells and Seungcheol chuckles while laying back in his seat. "And why shouldn't I? You're neither the first nor the last person on this planet who needs financial assistance".

"Well I wasn't exactly searching for a glucose parent!", "Said the camboy", "You-", "Am I wrong?", Seungcheol raises his eyebrow and the blond haired man bites his bottom lip in defeat. "Thought so", he smirks proudly.

"Why are you even doing this?", Wonwoo asks, "And I want the truth, Cheol". "First of all, you're my friend and I wanna help you. I know how much you want to get a new job and graduate with honors, but capitalism is a bitch", "Says the monster born from capitalism", "Shut up, I'm not finished. Second of all, I'm not the only one who's tipping you on every show you do", "Mingyu does NOT count", Wonwoo cuts off Seungcheol again.

"Yeah, whatever. Last but not least, I'd be lying if I said that I didn't enjoy your shows", the older man grins and a faint red tint colors the tips of Wonwoo's ears. "Oh please, don't tell me you're jerking off during my shows now", Wonwoo groans in disgust.

"No, I don't. But that doesn't mean you look any less hot when you let those deep ass moans when you cum", Seungcheol winks and Wonwoo hides his face in his hands out of embarrassment. "Not to mention your fucking body - you look like a damn God", "Choi Seungcheol, I swear to God if you don't stop now, I'll smash the bottle on your fucking head", Wonwoo threatens his friend through gritted teeth.

"Dude, I'm just praising your hard work here. Besides, I'd hate to see you out of shape and that gym membership won't pay itself, right?", Seungcheol retorts and he can picture the gears of Wonwoo's brain turning rapidly.

"So? What do you think? Still don't wanna be my sugar baby?", "Does being a sugar baby include paying for bills?", "It's an all-inclusive deal, my friend". Wonwoo takes a few minutes, weighing the pros and cons of his friend's proposal, but it takes a few seconds to give an answer.

"Deal".

[letstalkaboutfandomsbaby]

Thoughts on Nanami wanting to take care of his s/o

You'd be dating and u would still be working bc you gotta pay for an apartment and shit but you're obvs miserable bc its fucking retail and it's awful sksksk

I bet you $20 that Nanami offers to help you out like buying you groceries and shit but you're always like no! I will not take your money!! 😡 just v stubborn and aggressive sksksk

He would keep offering and you'd keep refusing and at some point he's like "why don't you just move in with me and then you don't have to work" WHICH??? IS A BIT TOO FORWARD HUN! YES WE ARE DATING BUT I HAVE A SYSTEM IN PLACE, I CANT JUST PICK EVERYTHING UP AND MOVE IN WITH YOU

But then you have a shitty day and you end up crying at work

Nanami comes to pick you up and take you home (like he always does) and sees that your eyes are puffy and red and that's the final straw for him

He's like "ok that's it you're gonna move in with me and im gonna take care of you"

And of course you argue bc you don't want to feel like you're leeching off of him but he insists and suddenly there's a moving company at your door and you're like 🙃 ok ig we're doing this

So yall start living together and its nice and all but you feel bad bc you're not working anymore and you're just moping around the apartment all day trying to find things to do

And you try to get a new job but Nanami won't let you

"Darling, there's no need to worry. I make more than enough money for the both of us."

He'll bring up his bank account to try and calm your worries and you take a look and you're like 😳 "o-ok i believe you now"

Let's be real: Nanami wants a pretty little trophy/house"wife" and he wants nothing more than to take care of his spouse

It all comes back to acts of service and the need to be useful to ppl

Like if he can't make you happy or satisfied, he won't know what to do with himself

So what's he do?? He takes care of you financially bc it's easy for him to do and he enjoys the results

He likes coming home to you waiting for him 🥺

He loves buying clothes, shoes, accessories for you

He loves sending you to the salon and seeing the results of your pampering

Tbh if he wasn't such an empathetic guy, you'd probably think that he was doing all these things bc he wanted to change you and mold you into his ideal partner

But the reality is he just wants to make you happy and the best way to do that is by treating you like royalty

Of course if you hate those things, he won't force them on you, but he can't deny that he'd love to see his sweet little wife show off her new outfit and smile brightly as she talked about getting her nails done that day

He's just big on pampering and money makes it easier for him to do that

[firelord-frowny]

i swear i can remember shit in such comprehensive and specific detail RIGHT up until the moment where i actually need to use the information omfg

that said, imma make a List lmfao for the things i wanna mention in my next therapy session.*

Too Scared To Learn To Drive (because i fear my inability to regulate my attention will inhibit me from being able to drive safely)

2. Afraid of ~overcoming my anxiety~ because i feel my anxiety is the only thing that has protected me from making the risky/dangerous choices that people who share certain traits with me are likely to make (mostly drugs/alcohol/dumb reckless shit). like lmfao in my current state, i could NEEEEEEEEEEEVER become addicted to narcotics bc there is absolutely no way in the world that i am going to go out of my way to seek out, and initiate contact with the kinds of people from whom i could obtain drugs.

3. imposter syndrome?? i mean i know that's not a totally Real Thing but I am hellaaaaaaaaaa beholden to and held back by a persistent belief/worry that i'm not actually as good at anything as i think i am and that everyone sees through me and knows i'm a fraud.

4. fear that i'm doomed to never ever ever make any real, life long intimate (both the romantic and platonic kind) relationships with anyone in close proximity to me for as long as I'm stuck living in the region that i am, and even if i ever DO get to leave here and go someplace where my values are shared by a significant portion of its other inhabitants, by the time that happens i'll have long since forgotten how to even form/maintain friendships and it will be impossible for me to relearn :(

5. absolutely cannot stop myself from making the habitual choices that i know are detrimental to my health/safety/success/future. like. i flat out do not have the ability to say no to a habit that makes me feel good In The Moment and i have no idea how to build that skill in my brain.

6. super talented but struggle to turn any of my talents into a means of financial gain??? just in terms of talent/ability, there's no reason why I shouldn't be a successful author, musician, artist, screenwriter, etc... no reason why i shouldn't be able to sell my fanciest knitted items for top-of-the-line prices. i have absolutely nothing to show for what i'm capable of, and it makes me feel so fucking embarrassed/pathetic.

7. i've HELLA pulled away from most of my closest friends solely because i feel like their lives are probably better if i'm not around because i have nothing positive to offer anyone and the biggest favor i could ever do anyone at all is to stay far away from them.

8. the previous so-called ~therapist~ who irreparably traumatized me a few years ago. i mean i know ~irreparably~ might be overstating it, but i guess what i mean is that i feel like i won't ever ever ever not feel permanently and constantly wounded from it until i get Professional Help for it.

9. my HELLA emotionally/mentally abusive former violin teacher who also left me traumatized to the point where even the SLIGHTEST tense/non-positive interaction i'd have with her would trigger extreme anxiety to a degree that might possibly qualify as some sort of manifestation of ptsd

9.5. the honest to god fucking RAGE i feel when i think about all the ways that that woman fucking screwed me in my music education/career.

10. suck at keeping my room clean :(

[crossovereddie]

I'm so annoyed with so many people saying that Ramon was physically abusive to Eddie. And then tying machismo into it.

We haven't even really met the Diaz parents and, when we did, Helena was the one talking. From my memory, Ramon was only backing her up which is so reminiscent of my parents that I couldn't help but laugh. To me (and this might be my own upbringing and my observations of my Mexican father with his children) Helena is the one who runs the home and Ramon is probably used to her when making decisions about the children which he backs up.

Helena might have even been the one who had a more hands-on relationship with the children because, if he is anything like my dad, Ramon believed that financially providing for the family was the most important thing. Which is huge in Mexica culture AND which we saw Eddie doing (military, he said he was working 3 jobs at one point). So was the relationship neglectful? maybe. Are Eddie and his dad strangers to each other? possibly (and I'm going to say that this is very probable). But until the show says that there was physical abuse, I won't believe it. I can't see Eddie ever allowing Christopher around abusive people and we know that Christopher was around his grandparents a lot from when he was born to when Eddie and Chris moved.

I thankfully haven’t seen these posts or I would’ve already gone off!! Nowhere in canon have they ever even alluded to physical abuse wtfffff this fandom is something else I stg

Thanks for your input though bc I can definitely see it. I like that you pointed out that their relationship could’ve been neglectful bc it would tie in well with Eddie’s own guilt about the first few years of Christopher’s life and why he left the job he loves as soon as Chris showed any negative emotion towards him being a firefighter.

I can see why Eddie would have a more strained relationship with Ramon and why that’s the parent the show has decided to single out bc a huge part of who Eddie is is being a father so ofc his own relationship with his father would be what he needs to heal from but I’m really hoping they don’t let Helena get off scot free bc she’s said some pretty hurtful things too

[loseeverythingloose]

Hi. I made this challenge myself, and I'm challenging myself bc that's what happens when you are fucking alone and have no friends.

Warning: It contains no workout since I'm so fucking busy with online classes that I can't go out or workout at home.

OK, so, yeah, this is officially the simplest shit to ever exist, but DON'T ever think it will be that easy to apply it to your life.

30 DAY CUSTOM WEIGHT LOSS CHALLENGE

I will only write what I'm not supposed to do. Drink water, sleep enough if not well, and shit like that don't even need to be written down.

Rules:

No packaged and/or prepared food and drinks. I have realized it's literally impossible for people of my financial level to buy organic food. If this rule was no PROCESSED food, I'd literally need to stop eating very essential stuff like cheese. Fucking cheese. I'm not even talking about tea. Wtf am I gonna eat and drink then? So, I will stop eating packaged and prepared food, including all the sweets, candies, chocolate, fast food, no escape. I'm only allowed to eat what is cooked at home, also fruits and such. No sugar coffee, green or white tea, etc., are also allowed. You get the idea: As long as it doesn't exceed my calorie and carbs limit, everything that is not packaged and/or HIGHLY processed is free real estate.

No more than 1500 calories and 100 g carbs. Look, I'm the max 500 cal and 20 g carb type of gal, and I lost so much weight doing it, but then I plateaued for so fucking long I had to stop and eat like a pig to shock my body. Then, of course, I couldn't bring myself to restart. Thank whatever big guy resides upstairs, I didn't gain much, but this pig phase has been going on for like 3 months. Yeah, I fucking binged for 3 fucking months straight. Now that my body is used to high calories and carbs, 1500 calories and 100 g carbs WILL be pretty effective to lose weight. There is absolutely NO REASON to start with extreme restricting because your body will adapt to that too in time. You won't be PHYSICALLY able to restrict more. When you also consider that it's harder to lose weight the more you lose weight, why start with 100% when you can start with 50% and leave the 100% performance for lower weights to lose even more? I'm not even gonna get into the "it's more healthy" shit and lecture you. You already know it. I can, of course, eat a lot less than this too. It's just the max.

No eating before 12 pm and after 8 pm, and in between. It's gonna be strictly two meals. When I was doing the 500 cal, 20 g carb thing, I wouldn't eat anything after 6 pm, but because of my new schedule, that seems impossible. Finishing to eat early or eating a bit later while still leaving AT LEAST 6 hours between my two meals is completely fine. I'll also note down everything I eat and drink. It helps me with self-control.

No big portions. Now that I'm living with my family because of the pandemic, I trust my mom on this. No second plates, no adding on; my meal size is whatever she makes it. Eating less is welcome.

No scale. I admit this is the hardest rule. I'm used to weighing myself every day. I first thought I would at least go on the scale once a week to motivate myself, but I decided to trust the process. I know I'm not doing workouts or something. Still, I just came out of a huge binge and am also using a pill that's supposed to help me lose weight (it's not its primary purpose but its positive side effect, and I'm using it for a very different reason under medical supervision, so if anyone that's not me sees this, don't ask me the name of the pill). For these reasons, I genuinely believe I WILL lose weight, and that's why I'm not gonna do it hardcore. Persistence and continuity are more important than weekly motivation and stressful waiting until the scale day. I will weigh myself on the first day of the challenge and after the challenge ends (not the 30th day). I hope my body will slim down visibly, and I, and most importantly, my family, will notice it.

I will start the challenge tomorrow on April 5.

It's the perfect date because it's Monday (the official international diet starting date), the day I first started restricting last year (so I will also see how much weight I've lost in one year on the first day of the challenge and I hope that'll be the greatest motivation to start and keep going), and a family member of mine was born on May 5 (which is exactly 30 days later). My family cares a lot about birthdays, holidays and stuff, so on that day I have to eat cake or my family won't forgive me lol. So I thought, why not make it a celebration for myself too, for losing weight, controlling myself for a whole month WHILE ACING MY EXAMS and completing the challenge?

As I said, I will be weighing myself and taking measurements in the morning of the first day, and after the challenge is completed. I will decide my goal weight for the end of this challenge tomorrow, depending on my current weight.

I will be posting daily (as much as possible). I also don't want this shit to be only about losing weight. I will be doing 5 different challenges simultaneously: Meditation, thinspo, writing, gratitude, and song challenges.

Wish me luck! (yea, I'm asking for luck from myself bc no one's gonna see this, lmao. Who am I supposed to trust other than me anyway.)

[lillian-nator]

hi wallflower anon here :) that's so cool! i rlly liked the au when i read abt it so the fact that you're working on new stuff makes me so excited! also idk how to phrase it but if you don't mind could i plz get some au crumbs?

I don't know if you have a favorite character, in which I could give you a specific character if you want

BUT

here is a big fight between Tommy and SapNap once, this actually goes into the formation of a karlnap relationship if you want to hear about that,,, but here it is:

for background information:

we know that Tommy is piss poor

which like really sucks for him, its the only reason his family has problems

Sometimes, when his family is going through really bad times, they go to a soup kitchen that Karl's family runs

Karl's family is the epitome of good people. They're religious but in the way that they just have the utmost faith in the world, and try to help everyone out in any way that they can.

Karl's mom swears Karl to secrecy because she knows that Tommy goes to Karl's school

But Karl would never say shit anyways

this is how Tommy and Karl meet ANYWAYS

I think Tommy and SapNap get in a huge fucking fight

because SapNap one day asks him why he wastes money on cigs when he could be buying food

its just a question

like how does he have the money for cigs

and tommy hates talking about it

like fuck off you don't know him

he got hooked real young because his dad smoked

its not his fault, really, and its none of your fucking business

its what gets him through the day

I mean

say all the shit you want

but you bring his family into it?

his financial situation

FUCK OFF

SapNap is a dead man.

Broken nose again, Tommys knuckles are covered in blood again, it’s familiar isn’t it

Maybe he’s just a delinquent after all

Like Tommy really goes until someone pulls him off SapNap

And sapnap totally expects Karl to be on his side but all he gets is this right conflicted look before Karl shakes hes head and says sapnap was completely in the wrong to bring that up

and like Tommys crying and screaming "YOU DONT KNOW SHIT, YOU DONT KNOW SHIT ABOUT ME. SHUT THE FUCK UP"

and god damn

does he need a fucking cig after that fight

Wilbur treats him to it

Just hands him the pack

And Wilbur is the only person Tommy will take cigs from

Bc he knows it’s not pity

It’s just Wil

and Wilbur is the only fucking person he want to see right then

and Tommy looks shaky at Wilbur, but Wilbur puts the cig in his hand "SapNap doesn't know shit. Take the cig Tommy, I know you need it"

and Tommy just kind of slides down the wall

lights the cig with Wilbur's old lighter

he did fucking need it

Tommy just puts his head between his knees in between drags and Wilbur just sits there as a supportive presence

and Wilbur smiles after a while like "oh by the way, I'm fucking killing SapNap."

and Tommy jsut mumbles "You can finish off whatever I didn't punch"

and Tommys just like worried

"I cant go to the fuckin' dinner if SapNaps there"

Wilbur stares, deadpan, "You're not starving because you don't want to see that dick'eads face"

"I could"

"No, your mother won't let you"

"Ma doesn't want me to do a lot of things and here we are"

“Ok, I won’t let you, you prick.”

Hits the back of his head

Tommy just groans and takes another drag

Why can’t the people in his life just let him starve to keep his pride he think miserably as he frantically flops onto the ground

Still smoking

he holds his lit cigarette with his right hand, and buries his head into Wilbur's shoulder on his left

Tommy has decided it’s cuddle time and who is Wilbur to argue

he just needs a good nap and someone to hold him

I think thats probably when he jsut breaks

behind the school, after a fight, slowly stomping out a cig

someone - someone who he considered a fucking friend, just poked at his home life

he cant take it along with his dad losing hours

(it happens in steps, Tommy's dad loses hours until he gets fired)

so he just fucking grips onto Wilbur's hoodie, sobbing because "He - he - he doesn't even know shit about whats going on. I want to quit, I want to, I want to - I know that we could get more food - I know - I know -"

And Wilbur just scratches his head and shushes him

"Pops says I - I deserve to have so-something"

"You do Tom, you do. SapNap knows jackshit about your situation."

And they just sit there out behind the school and they just exists together

they sit there until, look at it Tom, its Soup Dinner time and

you bastard

they definitely skip class the rest of the day

karl hands him the dinner that night, and just. tries to give him a smile. is it apologetic? understanding? idk. and then tommy glances down the line and karl gets it. he shakes his head. sapnaps not here. tommy sighs, barely, and continues dowb the line

[celiaelise]

So I'm like doing Bad financially, and my mom's caught on, because I'm not lying to her about it, even though I'm trying not to reveal the full truth. But I would prefer not to lie about it? I feel like it would be detrimental to my own progress in certain areas.

But anyway she keeps asking if I'm okay and if I need help, but I very much do not want to tell her how much help I actually need. I do think she would help me; she likes to feel needed. I think she would probably even be nice about it. But I also think she would permanently integrate into her perception of me just how much I'm failing to take care of myself. It would deepen the idea of me as, like, someone helpless and incompetent.

Which, like, may even be true, but I certainly don't want to hear about it from her. I don't think it's even necessarily a pride thing? (though I won't deny that possibility) it's more that she will make "Elise can't do this thing." an immutable fact for the rest of my life. Or, at least, I'm scared she will.

Anyway that's kinda why I did a bunch of job applications last night. Two of them already called me expressing interest, and one of them I might be interested in... (the other revealed I would only be working like 6 hours a week, which doesn't seem worth it.)

But ugh. I still don't really want to get another job lol, even though obviously I need one, and I do want to stop struggling. I hate (am terrified of) change and new environments in the best of circumstances, and these are certainly not those. Honestly what got me through even submitting my resume was the knowledge that if I take a job and it sucks ass, I can just bounce. (real winners quit, etc.) Plus, almost all the jobs I'm seeing that pay even close to decent (without a bachelor's 🙄) are childcare/education, which is a field that I am interested in, but have been burned very badly by before! And tbh I probably haven't recovered from that burnout yet.

There's also some vague, like, administrative assistant/receptionist type jobs, for all manner of businesses. Which I'm a little interested in bc it seems low-pressure, (compared to keeping children alive) and I don't mind data entry, and I feel like I'd do well in an environment where I have a bunch of clear-cut tasks to kind of do in my own time? But other than a two week volunteer stint at the IT dept of the hospital my dad used to work for, I have zero office environment experience, so that could be very scary!

oh my god, my mother just texted that she sent me more money...like, cool, yes. Objectively a positive development. But she did it out of powerful anxiety, which isn't good news for either of us. I do sometimes feel bad for worrying her, or not doing more to ease her worries, but also, she cultivated and refused to treat this anxiety disorder all on her own, and I know very well that it won't help anyone to make (any y more of) her mental health issues mine, too.