#but i keep expecting to hear my garble boy meowing for breakfast upon hearing me awake
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And here I am awake again
Life goes on
#speculation nation#you can have one of the most painful and miserable nights of your life. & then you wake up and it's a new day.#and your head hurts and your bed is one cat less full#it's less miserable than after sammy. at least marginally. because i do still have tally.#but i keep expecting to hear my garble boy meowing for breakfast upon hearing me awake#he was so much more aware than sammy was right before putting him down. which kinda makes it feel worse.#he didnt have hope for a happy life. it would've been expensive and miserable. and he was Already miserable.#but that was my boy. he was awake and purring as i showered him with as much love as physically possible#so it feels like i killed him. i know there wasnt any other choice but i killed him. and he had no way to know what was happening.#he was feeling shitty. then out of nowhere i grabbed him and put him in a box where he was poked and prodded at by strangers#and then hours later i came back. he was still in a strange place but i was there. so he was purring.#and then another strange person came in. started touching him. and then that was it.#i have a reinforcement of the bad association for cat tongue sticking out. both sammy and cassy ended up with theirs out.#a cat blep is much less cute if it makes you think about how your boys looked when they died.#suffice to say. i started crying while typing these tags. thats cry number 15 i guess.#it just sucks. it really really sucks.#animal death ment/#negative/
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