#but i just want to see the living lands lol lmao my standards are low the bar is in hell

[bragganhyl]

on the one hand i'm still hyped for avowed on the other hand no chanter skills in the tree :( or druid skills :( or priest skills :(

[dolugecat]

On some Japanese social issues I had learned about at uni and abroad):

(Rb ok!)

Legit had an epiphany about the true hidden meaning of the last arc of Mob Psycho 100. It’s hella projection but for real there is nothing neurotypical about Mob or Mob Psycho. I do not wish to enforce my interpretation on others (ironic bc I do that all the time but this is a serious social theory). There are some interesting and very sad social issues in Japan that the west really doesn’t understand but would I think help people understand a lot of context behind not only Mob Psycho, but also a lot of other anime. I learned this at my shitty university (prestigious but horrific) and while studying abroad in Japan and talking with Japanese peers. Get ready here we go (and tw for bullying and darker things):

Unfortunately in East Asian education systems, bullying can be extremely intense. Growing up I assumed it was over exaggerated extremely in anime for drama but it really can be so horrific. From what I’ve heard, there is often a single kid or so who is just shit on by everyone else, even the teacher. Mogami land *is* the reality of some Japanese kids. I’ve read that in Korea, this social punching bag sometimes is just the darkest skinned person (yayyy colorism /angry) and or someone who does not fit in. I mean, we have that in America too, but maybe not as common for the bullying to be as focused on one misfit rather than several. These kids just can’t escape the stigma too, kids from other schools find out they were a major victim at their old school and it starts anew. Thus there is so much stigma and incentive to join in on bullying so you aren’t the one. Sadly, this also ofc leads to higher suicide rates. That’s where the “shoe on building roof” anime trope comes in, bc somehow taking off shoes is relayed to death (I forgot why sorry)

There is a difference in how intense in general high school vs college is too. In the West, commonly college is the more intense curriculum and is harder than high school, but in Japan it’s usually the opposite. Grind suuuupppeeerrrr hard for entrance exams (huge standardized tests that determines what college you can qualify to) bc unlike the ACT or SAT here, that test is by far the most important factor for college admission. Then chill and relax a bit in college. Can’t relate. Name and prestige is very critical for job application, more important than here. That’s why planning out your future is sooo much more intense for Japanese high schoolers than in America, and why there is sooo much more pressure to excel in high school than here. Japanese school years and holidays are done different than ours, I’d suggest looking it up.

Social prestige of going to an American high school or college is nuts. Like whyyy do you value our shitty education, Japan’s is much higher quality (it’s bc we neo colonized them). Being able to speak English is very, very highly valued and any association with Americans make you cooler. From my experience, some Japanese students got very excited to practice speaking English with us, and their biggest issues with learning it is pronunciation, lmao. Wasai english is unique slang that is indeed English words but it’s kinda different and it’s kinda jarring to remember lol. So, Teru having parents that are working overseas isn’t too uncommon, idk about leaving him absolutely alone, but I did have a ex-friend who just came from Japan in middle school who’s situation probably wasn’t too far off from that. Empty wealth with no love, it’s no wonder those kind of people can end up being huge bullies (minori?)

I did a presentation on 引きこもり(hikikomori) for which means “shut in”, (like Serizawa) and it’s fucked up. It’s a social phenomena where according to some Japanese researchers a mix of undisciplined parenting, guilt/not living up to expectations, and hopelessness makes an alarming amount of youth/ young adults literally never go out side their house/room. Often a parent is “enabling” the behavior by supporting them, but idk the articles seemed a bit victim-blaming to me when I read it, but I don’t think I should make a judgement too hard, not my place. I will say I do suspect and believe I read something to support that ASD might play a role in hikikomoris (there is pitiful resources for autistic people in Asia, much much less support than even here, to the point I don’t think most know it exists). Like come on, with the other points I laid out my personal opinion as an Asian American with autism is that it really seems it’s unknowing ableism against autistic classmates, but I didn’t grow up in Asia so I don’t want to say.

Mental health in general is tragically quite abysmal in Japan, and with it being so hyper competitive and brutal work culture, it’s no surprise birth rate in Japan is so low; some Japanese young adults say it seems unethical to bring a life to such hostile world. Suicide rate is of the highest in the world. It’s fucked, I’ve interacted with some of the locals in Tokyo and they were so nice, but the business men just looked dead inside, it’s so sad.

Relationships between child and parent is also strained bc of this intense work and school culture. Quality time is too scarce when you gotta work so much. And the pressure from parents to do well in education or else you might end up socially stigmatized is rough. Bc your job is who you are, it’s hyper capitalism (thanks us for making them do this)

With autism being so unknown, support for parents in raising autistic kids is almost nonexistent. What happens if the “darker” side of ASD shows up in kids? I used to be a menace when I had meltdowns, I felt so bad but really just became so indiscriminately violent. See where this is going? Legit, I think ESP is a sort of metaphor for neurodivergance to ONE. There is so much stigma around it, and even less way for kids to understand why they are different than the others. My Korean family can’t admit we all got ASD, too much fear and internalized shame.

I got finally diagnosed with ASD as an adult and I’ll tell ya, I relate too much to Mob hurting Ritsu. I felt so bad, but also not in control, I knew what I was doing but not how to stop. Luckily, is was blessed in that my hyperfixations involved science and logic, so I did well at school. Sadly, our boy Mob just don’t got the passion or ability to do well at school. His kanji is very bad, even to point of not being confident he wrote a kanji (世) they learn when they are 9, in elementary school (thanks @katyatalks). Him being a bit berated by his parents for having bad grades and bending spoons seems harsh to Westerners I think, but IMO it’s pretty tame from what I’ve seen of some Asian parents (I get to say that lmao). Ofc, however the shaming is very real and Mob just agreeing with them about how weird and stupid he thinks he is so sad. There is even more pressure for the eldest to be better than here, I feel from some interactions. Nonetheless, it’s implied Mob is quite emotionally detached from his parents, even though he loves them, which also adds to his emotional complex. Combined with originally fragile self esteem and feelings of worthlessness, we got one emotionally stunted boy. However, contrary to common belief people with ASD are sometimes hyper empathic and experience emotions very intensely. We are prone to having “meltdowns” which if not assisted with can be quite violent if very intense. For me, my worse meltdowns as a kid came from when I didn’t understand why I wasn’t getting what I wanted, it seemed selfish and cruel of me but I couldn’t control it. I wanted to be a good kid, so why did hit my moms leg at target when she refused to buy me Pokémon toys? I couldn’t come up with a good reason for why my mind just commanded my body to do bad things, just a single thought was controlling me, I want I want I want I want I want ____. Which I argue could be what ???% represents… bc well…. Yeah….. hmm….. not in control of self (mob unconscious), selfish (not actually, I’ve forgave myself but my “normal” kid self was so ashamed), destructive, hurt family, wanting to stop but can’t, that’s kind of…. Too relatable.

But legit, since realizing my new HC, I’ve started to think of the last chapter of mp100 when I “explode” and it helps me feel better and I do gain “control” a bit easier. I don’t feel so bad anymore either, Mob!

[cloveroctobers]

Music shuffle playlist.

Rules: The first 14 songs you shuffle on your playlist sets the mood for how your 2018 will be.

1. Mali Music - My Life | “You know we spend a whole lot time

Thinking we living when we dead inside

We telling people what we see

Telling people what he heard

But they're just lies.” — PREACH

2. James TW - Naked | “What you done my cruel lover, You run these sheets we're under

You stripped me of my armor

You slipped and I blew your cover

You hesitated

You had a secret

My lips could taste it

Cause when you kissed me wasted

You left me naked.” — Is this some foreshadowing for me actually opening up to someone else just to get fucked over again? I think not.

3. ZAYN - BLUE | “I need somebody to love me blue.” — see I’m really not trying to be depressed this year. I’m trying to get my shit together and not like anybody ruin me especially with love. Although I’ve been single all 21 Years of life.

4. The Weeknd - False Alarm | “Six inch long, 'bout three inch wide (she loves)

Dolla, dolla bill is her only type (she loves)

You love her but you'll never be (she loves)...

You love her, but you'll never be (she loves)

Enough, enough

The one, the one — this song always reminds me of the good old 80’s. It just sets me in the mood for night time adventuring. It’s also when I really come alive too. I take on a whole new persona and feel different. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I was born at midnight. Anyways the last line to be translates personally to me: anyone that finds “interest” in me it’s usually never reciprocated on my part. Maybe it has to do with me being rejected in high school and glowing up where my standards are so high. Sure this song talks about materialism and I don’t think I’m that materialistic but I believe my inner persona maybe if that makes sense. Such as I see her as the extrovert part of me, the bold, the wild, red lipstick, striking Smokey eyes, in a 60s interior styled penthouse party dressed in gold velvet catching the eyes of all who want my attention.

5. Grace VanderWaal - Darkness keeps chasing me | “Every now and then

The darkness tries to chase me

And my legs are getting tired of running

Oh, please don't

Please don't let it get to me

Oh, I don't wanna give up that easily

But the darkness keeps chasing me, me.” — she sounds like bea Miller so much to me, except her voice is a little lighter! Anyways it seems like I’ll be feeling the blues a little bit this year. I’m not ready for that.

6. MiC LOWRY - 2 U interlude | “I keep my phone face down, you come around

Nothing to hide from you, give all my time to you

Love when you lie face down, such a pretty sound

You let me inside of you

Give all my time to you” — I love them so much no one has any idea. But does this mean I’ll actually find love this year? Lol.

7. Majid Jordan - Shake Shake Shake | “I really think she needs someone like me

To take her out for a quick two-step

Something that she ain't seen yet

I really wanna be her man

Someone who understands, someone who understands...” — this is one of my fav Majid Jordan songs and feels so 80s. Does this mean I’m actually going to the club this year? Will I find a cutie to dance with cause I’m down? Lmao.

8. Fifth Harmony - Make You Mad | “No other like me, yeah, baby, you'll see

Won't ya come my way?

I'll lock ya down and I'll throw out the key

Won't ya come my way?

I'm gonna make you miss me

I'm gonna make you go mad

I’m gonna make sure I’m the best you ever had (No).” — I’m good for doing this either way lol.

9. Young the giant - Amerika | “... With gold in my eyes

Are you paying attention?

I was searching for something

As I watched you run

I was sad when you said that you never really wanted some

Were you looking for someone?

As I watched you go

I am mad because I don't know what you used me for.” — America land of the free right? I’m seriously ready to move to Canada.

10. Raleigh Ritchie - The Greatest | “We'll be dancing forever, we don't know any better

We're lazy, whatever, at least we stick together

We're the greatest, I mean it, we'll never be defeated

You can take us or leave us, we don't care if you believe us, leave us

One drink, two drink, we're young, we're stupid

Who the fuck knows what they're doing?

Life is boring, and we can barely afford it.” — I’m living how I choose...no one can tell me how. I’m still figuring it out.

11. Bad Suns - Salt | “Look in the mirror and tell me

What it is like to be free

How do I grasp reality

When I don't have an identity?

Who, who can I look to?

Cause I'm not like you, you.” — I always felt like I was different from everybody else.

12. London Grammar - Strong (US radio edit) | “Excuse me for a while

While I'm wide-eyed

And I'm so down caught in the middle

I've excused you for a while

While I'm wide-eyed

And I'm so down caught in the middle

And a lion, a lion, roars would you not listen?

If a child, a child cries would you not forgive them?

Yeah, I might seem so strong.” — I remember the first time I discovered this band. My eyes are pretty wide when I’m not laughing but this song basically means to me that I’m used to appearing so strong by remaining silent when I’m really losing my shit unbeknownst to others. I want to be in a healthy mental state this year but I’m unsure but I know I’m human and will have my moments.

13. Sza - Go Gina | “I've been on the low key grinding

(Grinding, grinding, grinding)

Learning on the low key, shining

Tryin' to keep to myself

But you bring me out of character

Every time again.” — that’s what I’ve been doing as of 2017 keeping to myself especially from my friends. Whose gonna bring me out of that this year?

14. Jay Park - Me like Yuh | — lol since I hit text limit all I can do is laugh. Another song about me being in the club?