#but i just fully believe they would be shit at communication when they start dating | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

koiifiishy · 10 days ago

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sydney rambles bc this is my blog and mom said its my turn with the communal barbie doll (obligatory disclaimer of this pertaining to my syd & doesnt have to affect how u view ur own games version! also will be referring to syd with he/him)

circle glasses for max moe points. eris buys him contacts after the 3rd time his glasses get broken. still sometimes wears glasses, mostly for aesthetic appeal or when hes too tired to pop contacts in. has absolutely fallen asleep with them in before. ouch.

wears hair loose now adays but will occasionally switch it up depending on the outfit and event. ties his hair with eris' teal ribbon that he was gifted after they started dating. (kylar has probably stolen that ribbon before, but eris just have sydney a new one lmao)

idc if it is or isnt confirmed, ive been thinking of DID sydney well before i saw the tumblr dollies talking about it (those posts only fueled me lmao) and i 100% hc sysney. at least 3 bad boys are in that noggin; pure syd, corrupt syd, third secret spicy option syd that hes not aware of & is the cause for the "huh? what do u mean i just did xyz thing i dont remember that :-)???" scenes.

in my heart of hearts i do believe sydney is capable of knocking sb the fuck out & he would if push came to shove. the warnings he gives arent just for show! would he feel bad after? nngghh.... maybe. more like hed feel guilty for letting it get that far & have a mini spiral about how hes out of control & oh god plz forgive him,,,

only time hes getting to that level is if his partner is in active danger right in front of him. this is secret spicy 3rd sydney's moment to shine. (fyi eris thinks this is Hot AF & reassures sydney he did nothing wrong. ---purity loss interaction lol)

looks a LOT like sirris (dad in my game) but gets sheepish when compared to him. eye & hair color from mom.

this bitch is packing bc i think its so thematically funny for pure syd to go thru the stages of horny grief while ImprisionedTM & during his descent to corrupt sydney. fallen sydney is a lot more confident with his size! if i were to put a numbered range on what in game "huge" is id probably say were talkin pornstar level 9-11in and OUCH but also ykno what. size queenkings geddit. sydney personally? 10. maybe he was locked up for the good of all of doltown lmaaaoo

as ive seen others put it: sydneys got big "sleeper build" body type. you dont expect this nerd behind the library counter to be ripped but when he flexes u see the muscle and its a big slap in the face to ur arousal meter. Q&A's have also stated sydney to be strong but lack stamina. thats fiiine its just something to work on :^)

idr if its been stated in any Q&A's (sighing again that most lore is locked away in fucking discord Q&A's...) but Personally! i think sydney has a beginning low, to medium awareness after corrupting but! his psyche is fucked and he is ACTIVELY denying any supernatural stuff bc he just. cant handle it.

or, at least, most of the alters cant; i do believe on a deeper level once you get past the trauma fueled denial, he does know and acknowledge shit isnt right. faithful alter will always deny it, fallen alter is a 50/50 leaning towards willful denial, and its probably the other more volatile alter that pops up from time to time that fully acknowledges the supernatural aspects of the time.

i have my game set to not really acknowledge genitalia in regards to pc pronouns bc fuck u. HOWEVER realistically i do think sydney learning that eris was trans literally during the rite of promise would be a very pika gasp moment and hes rolling with it bc he loves him but afterwards he Does ask questions bc he doesnt fully get it but he wants to and eris is patient about it but also mildly on the defense bc he doesnt want to be seen any different than before,,, but sydney's respectful! and after a few months of contemplation he confesses that he never really put too much thought in gender outside of "it just is what it is", but that he himself sometimes feels like an ambiguous question mark.

he still uses he/him, but having his eyes opened to the world outside of cishet normatives definitely puts some things into perspective. he DOES have to learn not to be pushy about certain things, like how ur well meaning friend who's still learning will immediately jump to correct somebody even when you urself dont wana cause a fuss lol. but its all in good faith!

no. he will not ask his dad outside of what is absolutely necessary to ask, bc he knows he's just going to leave that conversation embarrassed. he makes the mistake of offhandedly mentioning queer gender theory like Once and sirris is going on a spiel about how its normal in the animal kingdom for blahblahblah humans are the only species to have so many societal rules and blahblahblah. (sirris is very encouraging and tries not to push but he also makes a big "if theres anything u need to tell me syd, u know i love u no matter what" scene that has sydney running away at top speeds bc AAAAA NO NO U MISUNDERSTOOD AAA;;; )

probs the oldest student LI. once read a post saying something along the lines of "sydney needed to stay in school longer bc of the thing with his mom/hospitalization afterwards" and i think that fits. closer to 19 going on 20, taking remedial classes and kind of in this weird grey space of student & teachers (librarians?) aide bc of his age. +being sirris' kid. it makes for a weird reputation amongst the student body, further alienating him from others who see him as "a teachers pet, teachers kid, & a weirdo whos too old to still be in school". (theyre all over 18, but if i had to place them id say: pc/whitney -> robin -> kylar -> sydney. dont ask for my source this all vibes baybeeee).

i refuse to believe sydney would listen to dad rock. idc if it was a joke by the devs or if it was serious my disdain for dad rock forbids this LMAAAO honestly he probably isnt a very big music listener and just passively lets the radio do whatever or lets sirris choose when they drive together. non lyrical instrumental music is probably his preferred go to music, but i can for sure see him getting catchy top 20s pop songs in his head and humming them under his breath b4 catching himself and grimacing bc its not even a good song its just stupidly repetitive,,, eris' music taste is pretty broad and sharing his tunes is a love language in itself so syd gets a good dosing of different genres over time! he gravitates towards whatever eris likes in true sydney-can-never-choose-for-himself fashion buuut i could see him genuinely enjoying hard rock as a kind of cathartic stress reliever.

big baby. we already know this, but i just wana reiterate it LOL. no matter how much fallen sydney tries to be tough and seductive, hes crumpling whenever eris holds him. they are so disgustingly codependent post-rite lol

however, and maybe im delusional!!, i still think sydney leans on the caretaker/submissive top side. yes he likes to be babied to a degree but we've seen in game how he can and does take initiative once hes comfortable enough. what he lacks in skill he makes up for in eagerness to please. faithful syd may be more pillow princess but i think theres enough instances in the game to show that theres also a side of him thats actively willing to lead and will take initiative! (again, didney hc - the differences lie in the altars but we must remember theyre all still aspects of sydney as a whole!)

its loosely talked about in game, that he likes the ocean but hasnt done many beach activities since the mom incidentTM — but i like to think he has beach mementos in his otherwise very standard bedroom. post romance routing him and going on more beach dates, that collection slowly begins to grow again. its a kinda bittersweet thing, and he probably separates the mom-collection from the eris-collection.

i stated it before but again: i think hed be capable of handling a polyship (a 3 person poly relationship only, including himself) but itd have to be corrupt sydney and hed be a bit reluctant - more or less so depending on who it is youre trying to bring into the relationship.

eris canonically has sydney and kylar set as his LIs, which i feel would be the easiest to accept for sydney given their shared history. (kylar is a different story but this post isnt about him lol). hed still need to warm up to it tho, being the king of dol slowburn, but eventually hed be fine with and even include kylar in things.

now how much of this is his "i need to please pc & tailor myself to their preferences" thing mmm. depends on the third person! maybe a little something like this from most to least easily accepted: kylar -> robin -> whitney -> alex -> avery/eden -> BW/GH simply bc ur fucking with his perception of supernatural shit if theyre beastpeople & hes 100% skeeved out if theyre not.

anyways thats all for now :] ! if u hate my opinions eat my shorts its ok bc they dont have to affect ur game's worldstate or how u view ur own version of sydney!!! if u like it, woohoo! questions about anything i didnt mention? feel free to ask! *im not in the discord, im not a dev or contributor, nothing i say is canon, these are just my hcs, etc etc disclaimers.

#looong post #dol sydney #fishy ramblings #sydney the fallen #sydney the faithful

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babsvibes · 1 month ago

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It's My Party (and I'll fry if I want to) for director’s cut.

(I think this was the second Louigan fic I read from your account back when I was a lurker, lol.)

Oooo okay forgive me for how wordy this is about to be, but I had a lot of notes about IMP that I ended up publishing in a little notes fic, but I've copied them over below! I can't believe this angsty mess was the second fic you read!! Usually I lure people in with a false sense of security with all my romcom fics 😭 ahhh thank you so much for asking!!

It's My Party (and I'll fry if I want to)

I think this fic is the one I put the most thought into. I didn't want it to come off like a spite fic or anything like that, I just genuinely wanted to tell a story where they're all the good guy and the bad guy and sometimes situations are complicated

So this piece was meant for people who have been told for so long that parts of themselves weren’t worthy of love and believed it, settling for relationships where their needs aren’t met. It's told in present tense to make things feel more in the moment. I didn't shy away from passive language, especially in Louise and Rudy scenes because they are passive participants in their own life, not willing to make active changes, then I tried to use active language with Logan scenes.

Characters:

Rudy

Flaws: Easy going guy with a bit of a pushover nature. He has a tendency to let Louise take care of him in a protective role (not necessarily a flaw, but could be if taken to the extreme).

Exacerbating event: Rudy’s gone back to school to get his masters in engineering. He couldn’t juggle a full time job and coursework, so he is currently unemployed.

How it happened: Being a child of divorce with medical needs, Rudy is used to people making decisions for him and developed a go with the flow attitude towards life. After his perceived failure at juggling too much at once, Rudy retreated further into his own passive behavior in order to avoid the feelings of inadequacy that come with being an adult. This presents itself as stress avoidance, refusal to make decisions, and being easily overwhelmed by small tasks.

When Louise starts a fire, he lets it burn until he can’t ignore it, leading to an explosion. It showcases a different set of value systems that should have been addressed sooner in their relationship but isn’t because of his lax behavior. In this story, just because he goes along with her doesn’t mean he supports her.

Logan

Flaws: Stubborn, escalates situations, egotistical

Exacerbating event: Logan never received closure from him and Louise’s fling.

How it happened: Catalyst shit-eater. Logan and Louise are like minded individuals, often expressing desire for the same thing but on opposing teams (continuing the biker fight, using military tactics for territory on a snowy hill, revenge on whoever wrongs them). Relying on a bit of cultural stereotyping of upper middle class cis white boys, Logan would struggle with expressing feelings of intimacy. In a fling where people don’t communicate clear desires or boundaries, it is possible to cross wires on what is sex and what is something more. In this, Logan would be confused about what he feels for Louise. It makes it even harder when he tries to have a conversation about their relationship and she cuts him out. He moves away having never fully understood what happened between them.

His stubbornness and lack of respect for those around him culminate in him trying to get back with Louise even while she’s in a relationship. Does he know if he actually wants to date her if he succeeds? The reader doesn’t know, but it also doesn’t matter. He is willing to manipulate the situation to his benefit, even honestly admitting to what he’s doing. He is what Louise is missing in her relationship: someone who understands her while still being fun and taking care of himself. Because his flaws are so apparent, breaking up with Rudy to date Logan is a dangerous option.

Louise

Flaws: Struggles communicating feelings though she feels deeply, avoids blame, and money driven

Exacerbating event: Working in a kitchen that isn’t with her family gives her weird hours and normalizes self destructive tendencies

How that works: Louise wants to be the one in charge that takes care of others, godfather style. Combining this with her struggle to express feelings of intimacy (think doesn’t want to admit she has a crush on BooBoo, not admitting she looks up to Bob), Louise isn’t adept at communicating her own needs in a relationship, as her control issues don’t want her to believe that she does need things from others.

Restaurant kitchens can often be breeding grounds for toxic behavior: a combination of high stress, poor sleep, substance abuse as a coping mechanism and aggressive management styles. Kitchens can attract people who don’t have the resources to seek help, which would have exposed Louise to “horror story” relationships to be avoided. None of these factors would be conducive to Louise working through needing more from Rudy, especially when he contradicts her expressing herself in other ways. He shuts her down when she says something violent, which may be for her own good in the long run but it’s not what she needs in the moment.

When she tries to express issues with Rudy, she misdirects and uses an easier topic for her to communicate: money. Financial stress is a huge factor in relationship issues. She brings it up because it’s her way of saying she’s putting more effort into the relationship than Rudy. Rudy sees this as her reminding him of his own inadequacies and shuts down.

Not getting reactions from him, she turns to Logan, who will give her a reaction, who will help her start the fire, and who gives her the attention she needs even if it’s from a selfish place. To her, at least he’s upfront about it. Louise doesn’t need to work with Logan or take care of him. It alleviates the stress of responsibility that’s been weighing her down.

While within the show her family is a support system, in this fic she feels alienated from them, specifically Tina who didn’t approve of her first relationship with Logan due to the very real risk of falling into unhealthy behaviors. Louise interprets this as her family believing her wants are inherently “wrong” and she internalizes the message that she is a bad person for wanting what’s wrong. Rudy unintentionally reinforces this messaging, and that’s why the climax of the fic involves Logan calling her “good” every time she vocalizes a desire.

Motifs and symbols:

Watching TV with someone

Louise is watching TV three separate times with Rudy. All three times, she has to make space for his wants; pausing so he can speak, turning off the volume so he’s not startled by loud noises, and turning it off completely after his digital detox retreat.

Louise watches TV once with Logan, and he’s an active participant.

When Louise tries to engage them in media: Rudy can’t follow her train of thought but Logan plays along

Tearing paper labels as a nervous habit

Open with Louise trying to take a label off without tearing it. It’s her desire to end things but not hurt anyone. She keeps ripping the paper, guaranteeing she will hurt someone.

Logan disregards the ripped paper. He pushes the balled up pieces of paper off the bar and to the floor. He does not care about the hurt they might cause others. He takes the label off her beer for her. He’s willing to hurt others for the end result.

Logan tells her the answer is patience. In Louise’s perspective, she can’t act rashly even though her instinct is to explode. If she takes her time explaining what’s going through her head, there’s less of a chance she’ll hurt someone.

In Logan’s perspective, his end goal (sleeping with Louise) also requires patience. He’s telling her he will be patient.

The last label, the wine, is unnoticed by Louise. She is past the point of caring if she hurts someone

Food

Food is effort

Louise’s life is dedicated to food and therefore effort. She works in a kitchen, where her effort is rarely rewarded and leaves her tired. She cooks soup for Rudy, and he doesn’t eat it

Logan made dinner for himself. It’s not great, but he tried. Louise makes it better. They put in effort for themselves but the other benefits

Rudy’s efforts are: To order food in (reliance on others), Cook boxed stroganoff (only contribute minimum), And to forget to turn on the oven (cannot finish a task)

Logan is seen ordering treats that are more expensive or require a trip, because he puts in effort for what he wants

The climax is revealed that Logan is improving his cooking. Not because Louise told him to, but he wanted to be better

Again, it comes from a place of ego, but it doesn’t matter. Rudy lacks the ego and the ability to put in effort. Louise seeks the opposite of Rudy, and Logan is the opposite in the extreme.

Orgasms

Allowing for pleasure. Rudy can’t bring it, Louise can’t find it, Logan won’t let it go

Flowers

Empty promises. They look nice but they don’t solve anything. Begonias are a bad omen (Try to move past this one like a throwaway line so flower symbolism isn’t so heavy handed)

Noisy neighbors

With Rudy, it’s a sign of external disruption and lack of peace With Louise and Logan, they ARE the noisy neighbors, causing the disruption and chaos

Louise is an unreliable narrator

She always calls the bartender a different Eli name. His real name is Erik, but she was too drunk to read properly

Louise cries but doesn’t realize it like when she’s driving away after Rudy doesn’t eat the soup. Rudy assumed the soup was something she was testing for work, not something for him to eat. She cries a second undisclosed time

Rudy knows she’s hiding something, but because she doesn’t think he can tell when she’s lying it never comes up. Undetermined if he knows she’s cheating on him

Louise never makes a note of the good things Rudy does. He does listen to her vent but sets boundaries for his own safety. When she gets aggressive, it scares him, but Louise considers it proof that she’s a bad person he can’t handle

Logan is intentional

Every time it’s revealed that Rudy is incapable of meeting one of Louise’s needs, Logan turns around and proves that he can meet that need. He is doing it purposefully to persuade her away from Rudy He dresses up whenever Louise comes over, purely to make himself more attractive. When he’s wearing white, he’s being manipulative

Biggest mistakes

-Louise refuses to communicate openly and cheats -Rudy struggles to be an active agent in his own life while discouraging Louise in hers. Most noticeably by refusing to fix the shower head and telling her to calm down -Logan refuses to soften his ego or make himself safer

Mood Music (for myself)

Love Again - Run the Jewels (for the sex scene) Judy’s Turn To Cry - Lesley Gore (a flavor of manic sadness) Scotty Doesn’t Know - I forget (for when Logan’s being cocky) Our Perfect Disease - The Wombats (when Rudy and Louise aren’t working) Lethal Combination - The Wombats (when Louise and Logan are working but they shouldn’t) Najwa - a real coworker but her name means secret

It is okay to try to gain experience in other kinds of writing and genres through practice. You are not a bad person for writing about something taboo.

#babsbles #my fic writing #thank you again for asking love!!#sorry I kinda.... went a little nuts there lol

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tobysbliss · 1 year ago

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hiiiii i saw your post about the new dr**m vid addressing the allegations and i understand why you hate him and i dont fault you for it AT ALL. but i simply want to understand your thought process with an open mind. I’m simply curious as to why you think his evidence presented in the video was “shit evidence” (im not defending him ir anything) and what do you believe is “proper” undeniable evidence? I’m just wondering thats all. Have you watched the whole video? (Again, im not forcing you too, im just curious) he has used his legal teams and has used proper timelines and everything to prove that he did not sext anyone at all to my knowledge. What else would you want him to do in order to prove his innocence after that?

As for your point about bringing up other creators, i believe he was simply trying to point out double standards, which.. well he didnt have to honestly (i understand what you mean). However, this also means that it would be wrong for the people mentioned in the video to bring up dream unwarranted, but clearly, no one cares if people like philza randomly bring dream up to throw a jibe at him during his streams which again proves the double standards.

As for quackity, yes dream was in the wrong, but he merely mentioned him to apologise (which i can understand if you dislike)

i simply am wondering why despite dream having enough evidence to sue amanda, you dont believe him. I understand you are a minor and you would understand court situations and stuff, but what else do you think dream can do to mitigate such false allegations?

have you ever paused to think why the general community had such a positive response to the video? Do you believe with your whole chest that you, as a 14 year old are so knowledgable, that whole adults who are capable of filing court cases are dumber than you and are simply blindly defending dream?

again, im not saying you are wrong, or anything, i just want to understand your though process. thank you ! Have a nice day :)

He knows the power he has with his fans, because he has most definitely seen the way they will support him no matter what— How he tweets a simple “I love you guys” after someone exposes him and they all rush to support him? I fully believe he used that knowledge when making his video + He is a power tripper.

I do believe he debunked the stuff with Amanda. But his “statement from Jamie,” there is literally no proof that Jamie actually said that. What he used with that statement is something that can be faked really easily & given in the start of the video he said that he lied about multiple other things, how am I supposed to believe that that’s seriously Jamie saying that?

And the reason people are so upset at him for bringing up Philza and his wife, Kristin, is because he used them as an example of CC’s interacting with fans, to defend himself. Phil & Kristin have around a one year age difference, and Phil had anywhere from like 3-10 viewers when Kristin found him. And the only reason that she did find him was because she worked with kids who liked minecraft & she wanted to know about it. Them becoming close friends, then dating & then getting married is not even close to what Dream was & is being accused of. Dream is being accused of sexting minors, and Phil & Kristin are not even CLOSE enough to be a good example to use as a defense.

Not to mention the things he didn’t go over in the video? His history of racism, antisemitism, sexism, etc. Why would he go over the speedrun cheating thing but not things that are far more important? So maybe even if the allegations are fake— He’s still a fucking horrible person.

I also think it’s disgusting how he put victim in quotation marks for the section of a video that his a “statement from Jamie.” Like actually disgusting to make it “A statement from the “victim.”” Like what the fuck.

It’s also weird how just less than half the video are dedicated to the allegations. He spent more time not talking about them in that whole autobiography length video. And, yes, I did watch the whole video.

And another thing, he knows what his fanbase is like. He knows that they will go on doxxing sprees on anybody who so much as utters something negative about their precious dreamy. But you know what Dream did in the video? He picked and chose what names to blur out, he blurred the names of people who defended him but anyone who wasn’t had their names put on blast to millions of people— Millions of his freak, dickriding fans.

So yes, I may be 14, and I may not know everything. But despite that I can still see when somebody is literally a disgusting human being!

#dream situation

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cwritesforfun · 1 year ago

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Sarah Cameron x Fem!Reader: Club Night

Y/N = Your Name

TW: Alcohol (usage is discussed) - btw, everyone is over 21 in this!

Sarah's POV

Losing my father was tough. It hurt me to lose him. Breaking up with John B was needed. We needed to be away from each other to fully heal and grow as individuals. I feel like I was stuck in that relationship for so long. Rafe is living his life and I don't like talking to him. Wheezie exists with Rose. Topper and I were friends with benefits all summer. I broke it off when I moved to college. Oh, I moved to college. It will be good. A new start.

3 years later... Your POV

You couldn't help it. You loved to dance. You would go out with your friends every weekend and sometimes leave with someone new. It depended on how you were feeling and whether or not you wanted company for the night. Truth is, it would be nice to be in a relationship, but no one in college is looking for that. You’ve looked.

You were going out with your friends tonight and they were bringing some new girl, she was roommates with your friend's girlfriend. Your friend, Penny, had been with her girlfriend, Maria, for 2 years. They were cute and you loved third wheeling with them. You sometimes wish you had someone to hold hands with, but no one wants what you want in a relationship and the attractive ones never want you. You were going to the "LGBTQ" club tonight because they had half-off drinks from 11:30 pm-12 am. It was a short window, so you have to be aggressive at the bar. It wasn't called the LGBTQ bar, but everyone there was part of the community, and those who weren't stuck out like a sore thumb. You were pansexual and proud of it. It didn't matter who you spent the night with, just if the feeling was right and if you were attracted to them.

We sit in Penny's car as we wait for Maria and her roommate. They walk out of the apartment and you exclaim, "Holy shit! Maria's roommate is beautiful." Penny replies, "Maybe she'll want to commit." You playfully slap her and say, "Shut it. A girl can dream." Maria slides in behind Penny and kisses her on the cheek. You turn to face the roommate and you say, "Hi, I'm Y/N." The girl says, "Uh hi... I'm Sarah. I'm Maria's roommate." You reply, "Nice to meet you."

You go to dinner first because if you're going to consume alcohol, you need food in your body. That is a fact. (Like actually please eat before you drink and do not consume alcohol underage.) We went to this diner that has the best burgers ever. They get better after alcohol too.

You slide into the booth and Sarah slides next to you while smiling at you. You all order food and you say, "So, Sarah, I don't know if you've heard, but we like to dance when we go out. We go all out with the moves. Can you get behind that?" Sarah laughs and answers, "Yeah I can. Maria showed me some videos of some of the dances." You gasp and ask, "Oh god, which ones?" Sarah answers, "I happen to remember this sexy number where you gave someone a lap dance." Sexy ... ?!?!? I look to Penny and Maria to see if they've heard that comment, but they're very much having a conversation. I turn back to Sarah and say, "I know that video because I've only given one lap dance. God, I can't believe she showed you that. I'm glad you enjoyed it nonetheless." Sarah smiles and says, "Yes I did. Is it okay if I stick with you tonight? I know Maria is the designated driver and she's dating Penny, so they'll be together. I know nobody else because I haven't gone out in this town yet. I know it's weird that I haven't gone out, but I suppose I just haven't found the right people yet. So, is that okay?" You answer, "Of course it's okay. You don't have to feel weird about not going out. It's all good. Just a word of warning, Maria and Penny get hot and heavy as the night goes on. You don't want to be around that." Penny says, "Excuse me! I heard that!" You ask, "And what are you going to do about it? Deny it? It's true." Maria answers, "That's usually when you dance and make friends anyway. We never think of it as leaving you alone." You answer, "Tonight I won't be alone, I'll have Sarah." Penny and Maria gasp. Penny asks, "What does she mean, Sarah? Please tell me that Y/N is not bringing you into her dream of being in a relationship on a club night." WOW ... just wow... Sarah says, "I know I haven't been out as bisexual for long, but I would be proud to be with Y/N on any night... But tonight, I just asked to stick by her side. You two have each other. I know nobody else. I want to make sure I have someone that I know." Maria says, "God they're perfect for each other." You exclaim, "I am ignoring you two until further notice." Penny and Maria laugh.

The rest of dinner is fun and you love hanging out with them.

You all go to your friend's house to pregame a little. He has shots lined up as soon as you walk in. Penny, Sarah and you take 2 shots together to start. Then, you all sit on the couch with your friends that are there and you watch a movie. It seems weird that you eat out, pregame at friends with a movie, and then go out, but it's your Saturday routine. And god, you love this routine. Sarah is next to you and she has progressively gotten closer as you watch the movie tonight. Her arm presses lightly against yours and you can smell her perfume. You don't want to read into this, but you do like her and the proximity to her is almost heavenly. Your friends bring over beers and hard seltzers for everyone. More people enter the apartment. Everyone says hi and you introduce them to Sarah.

After more talking and drinking, everyone is ready to go out. Everyone heads to their car with their designated driver and you all head out for the club. It's time to party!!!!!!!!!! You can feel yourself getting tipsy. It feels good. You feel free and happy.

As you all wait for everyone to arrive at the parking lot, Sarah leans over to you and asks, "Can I ask you something?" You answer, "Sure." She says, "I'm really nervous about going to my first LGBTQ club and I've only been bisexual for 6 months. I don't want to rush into things and I know I've had some alcohol, so my decisions will be not great. I don't want to hook up with anyone, I just want to dance and have fun with people that I like. Could we pretend to be girlfriends so I can tell people I'm not interested in them?" You ask, "What if you are interested in someone else?" She answers, "I don't think I want anyone else." Is she saying what you think she is saying?! Or is she just saying she wouldn't date someone in the club scene? The alcohol is really clouding my thoughts. You agree because you want to see her happy and you like her. She smiles so widely before grasping your hand with hers.

Penny looks at over at one point and I mouth, "Don't even ask." Penny laughs.

After getting your IDs checked and getting your first round of shots, you all find a table to fit most of the group. Maria pulls Sarah for her first club dance.

Penny slides next to you and asks, "What happened with Sarah? She has been attached to you like you two are dating yet you seem both happy and confused about it." You answer, "Don't tell anyone. We are pretending to date." Penny gasps and you tell her about the conversation. Penny says, "She likes you. Holy shit! That was her attempt to try to ask you out but she didn't know how so she asked for you to be her pretend girlfriend. Come on, think about it, she's never really dated many girls and Maria tells me her love life is rough. She didn't want to face rejection for real again. Also, she was practically on your lap at Sam's place. She likes holding your hand. She said she wouldn't mind being in a relationship with you. Please tell her that you like her." You reply, "You saw that too! I was trying not to read into it. I didn't want to come off as too strong, but then she was leaning all over me on the couch. You're right. I should probably just tell her that I like her. We're already fake dating, what's the worst that could happen? I can actually think of worse things, so we're going to move on from this conversation." Penny replies, "Fine... Just so you know, Maria thinks you're hot together. I do too." You ask, "So, are you going to stop that other girl from flirting with your girlfriend?" Penny looks over to some girl obviously flirting with Maria and Penny storms over. Sarah sees Penny and immediately rushes back to me.

Sarah slides next to me where Penny was just sitting and says, "I thought that was about to get intense. That girl was just going on and on about herself to Maria. Maria even told her she had a girlfriend." You laugh and then ask, "Have you told anyone we're dating yet?" She answers, "Yeah, a few girls and Maria. Maria said she'd keep it a secret. Have you ... have you told anyone?" You answer, "Just Penny... speaking of you, you said earlier that you don't want anyone else. You also said that you would be proud to be with me. I know you haven't been out for a long time and that we barely know each other, but I like you. I like you and I think you're one of the most beautiful people I've ever met." Sarah smiles widely and says, "I like you a lot too. I've liked you from the first time watching that lap dance video." You laugh and say, "I can make that happen again whenever you feel ready." She smiles and replies, "I would really like that a lot, but not tonight. I do want to dance with you." You reply, "Say less. Let's go." We hop off the bench. You hold out your hand, which she gladly takes then presses a quick kiss to your cheek. You turn to her and give her a quick kiss on her cheek, but she moves at the last second and you're now kissing her on the lips.

On the dance floor, you two fully let loose. You dance and you have the time of your life.

#outer banks imagines #outer banks #outer banks tv show #sarah cameron x you #sarah cameron x reader #outer banks sarah #sarah outer banks #sarah cameron #sarah cameron x female reader

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portaltothevoid · 2 years ago

Text

For Whom the Bell Tolls - Chapter 23 - Turn On Your Light

Pairing: Eddie Munson x OFC (Kat Ramsay), sequel to Foolin’

Summary: We learn more about Kat’s time at the lab. The gang finds a way to communicate with Dustin.

Warnings: none

Word count: 4.1k

Chapter song: Turn On Your Light by Judas Priest

Tag list: @munchabunch @madaboutmunson @earl-greater

Kat was groggy when she woke up. Her eyes slowly opened to blinding white light, causing her to squint and tightly shut them again. Groaning, she rolled over and buried her face in the pillow. The bright, blinding fluorescents were something she could never get used to. She sighed as she forced herself to sit up. It would be any time now she would hear the knock on her door signaling it was her area's time to use the restrooms.

Sure enough, there it was. Rolling her eyes, she grabbed her bag and headed out of her room to freshen up. She went through the motions, following the line, and blending in. Her rebellious nature made her learn the hard way that was the most painless way to get through her time here. However long that was. It wasn’t like there was a specific graduation date for “superpowered lab rat kids” as she liked to say.

She watched herself as she brushed her teeth. Life barely shone through her eyes. They were lackluster, dull. She hated seeing herself like this. Shaking her head in disgust, she turned away from the mirror, leaning her back against the sink.

An announcement sounded over the PA system: “Good morning, children. Today we are starting with a group activity. When you are done with your morning routine, please join me in the Rainbow Room to await further instruction.” Then an orderly popped their head in to reiterate the message. “Just a few more minutes, children. Hurry, so you’re not late for lessons.”

With a scoff and an eye roll, Kat spit out her toothpaste in the sink. “I swear they think we’re stupid. I can’t wait to get out of this shit hole.”

“It is not safe there,” the small girl to her left said quietly. Her voice was soft from shyness.

“Have you seen what’s out there?”

“Papa said–”

“Papa is a liar,” Kat whispered angrily through her teeth, cutting the girl off. She grabbed her stuff and pushed off the sink.

“You are right,” she said before Kat fully passed her. She turned around to face the girl. “I did not want to believe it, but it is true.”

“At least we can agree on that,” Kat offered her a sympathetic smile. She went to pass the girl again, but she reached out and lightly grabbed Kat’s wrist. She could see the number tattooed on her wrist.

“There is a way out. You are very powerful, Ten. I think you could help us,” she said trepidatiously.

“Do you trust him? Trust One?”

“H-how do you know that?”

“I overheard you both in the Rainbow Room. I was at the table behind you,” Kat paused. She furrowed her brows in thought while she mulled her choices over. “But if there is a way out of this place, I’ll try anything to get back home.”

“He has to know you can help him.”

“He will. I’ll use that trick with a bad memory he told you about. Come on, Eleven, let’s go before they think we’re up to something,” Kat said with a low voice and a wink as she guided the other girl out.

They were ushered to the Rainbow Room and from there to one that was empty. All the children lined up against the wall, much like they did for their blindfolded exercise where they had to push an opponent outside of their circle. Only this time, there was nothing here except what seemed to be a cloth covered cage. It rattled. Whatever was inside snarled.

In the middle of the room against each wall, stood two guards facing each other with some type of gun. The creature snarled again and the cage shook. The children gasped. The younger ones whimpered.

“Good morning, children.”

“Good morning, Papa,” they all fearfully said in unison.

“Today’s lesson is going to be very challenging for some. We are going to be working on suspension. The goal is to freeze your opponent in its tracks. If you are unable to do it, these guards will use their weapons to keep the creature back.” Dr. Brenner walked over to the cage and removed its covering. Whatever was in that cage was otherworldly. This wasn’t an animal; this was a monster. “This is an adolescent. It is very dangerous, but it is nothing some of you cannot handle.” The creature had slick, leathery skin. It stood on all fours and had the same stature as a large dog, but its head was in the shape of a flower. When it snarled again, everyone could see its head open to reveal hundreds of razor sharp teeth. “Two, can you be the first to demonstrate?” Dr. Brenner asked. He held a chunky remote in his hand.

Two gulped, visibly nervous. He shook it off. Tilted his head from side to side. “Let’s begin,” Brenner said. He pressed a button on the remote and the sides of the cage released and fell to the ground. “Your goal is to guide the creature back onto the floor of the cage. Good luck.”

Barely anyone was able to get that monster back into its cage. Often, the two guards had to corral it back with flamethrowers. Two practically passed out from the energy he exerted. Most of the younger ones hardly reacted in time. This was straight out of a nightmare. Eleven was able to get it back into its cage. It took her a lot of effort, but she made it seem so much easier than it was, which earned her lots of sneers and jealous looks from the older children. Kat was the last one to go.

Her placement worked to her benefit. Seeing the youngest of her “siblings” looking terrified and traumatized infuriated her. This lesson should have been for the older kids, the ones who could handle this better than an elementary school aged child. She stepped up and faced this creature head on. The hairs on the back of her neck rose. She glared behind it at her reflection in the mirror in front of her. She knew well enough that it wasn't a real mirror, there were probably a handful of people in white lab coats with clipboards analyzing every move each child made. Her rage bubbled inside her finally coming to a boiling point now that it was her turn to face whatever this nightmarish thing was.

One’s words echoed through her head. An awful memory… She had plenty of those. The one that took the cake was her first day here. Her parents had told her she was going to a summer camp. They brought her to the lab, held her hand all the way into the building, until the next thing she knew, her mother’s hand was replaced by the chill of a stranger in a white coat. She called out to her mother and father. They simply waved and told her to behave, she was in good hands, this was a special place for a special girl like herself, and she might even see her uncle. They promised they would call her. She screamed at them not to go. Tears blinded her vision. Her voice hoarse from yelling for them. She was thrashing her limbs everywhere, trying to get away from the strangers that surrounded her. Then the memory fades. Probably because they used a strong sedative before she caused the place to implode. She hadn’t seen her parents since that moment. They left here at this lab without so much as an “I love you.”

She held onto that pain, that anger. Now she coupled it with what they were putting her peers through, what she was currently going through. Taking a deep breath, she bowed her head, keeping her eyes on that grotesque creature. Her anger and pain radiated through her. She made it tangible. It rippled out of her arms. She let out a scream and as she did, the creature charged at her. She threw her hand in front of her. The creature froze. As she raised her hand, she raised the creature. The blood dripped down one side of her nose. She tossed her arm to the side, her whole body followed. The creature slammed against the wall. Then she swung her arm to the other side and with it went the thing in front of her, slamming against the other wall. She did that several times until the lights started to flicker. When she centered the creature in front of her, her face curled into almost a snarl, blood dripped down the other side of her nose. She brought her other arm up, brought her hands to her shoulders and then pushed them forward, straight out with an ear-piercing yell. The creature slammed into the two way mirror in front of her, causing it to shatter into little pieces. Then threw her hands down to her sides, which caused the creature to rip in half before it killed any of the observers. It landed on the floor with a squelching thud.

Everyone watching gasped. Those on the other side of the mirror screamed as they dove out of the way. Directly in front of Kat, in the other room, was One. He was glaring at her at first, but he glanced down at the creature in front of him. When he looked back up, he started to cock his head to the side, but then Brenner intercepted Kat’s line of vision. Her chest was heaving. She turned her glare to the doctor in front of her.

“Everyone back to your rooms. Now!” Dr. Brenner commanded. Quickly and efficiently all the other children were herded out of that room. “Come with me,” he said, grabbing Kat by the wrist and leading her down the hall and then down another one to a random room where he slammed the door behind him.

“Do you have any idea what you’ve done?!”

“Yeah. I killed one of your pets you used to torment us with.” Kat was in no mood to tone herself down in front of Brenner. She had the upper hand here, now that he knew what she was fully capable of. Now that everyone else knew too.

“Ten, you can’t… There are certain people here…” Brenner sighed as he pinched the bridge of his nose. “You can’t display your full power in front of everyone– in front of certain people like that.”

“Like One?”

“One isn’t–”

“Save it, Papa,” she said, his name oozing with mockery. “I know you hide him and keep him under your thumb. I’m not scared of him. Or you.”

“Well, you should be. You don’t know what he is capable of. How… How did you know about him?”

“I overheard him talking with Eleven.”

Brenner nodded. “Do you know why he was talking to her?”

Kat shrugged. “He explained she needed to use a terrible memory to amp up her power.”

“Yes… I thought as such… Is that what you did, Ten?”

“What do you think?” Kat scoffed.

“Watch your tone,” he warned. “Will you look out for Eleven? One is not to be trusted.”

“I always try to watch out for her.”

“Good. Very good. She is vital to us. And now, you are too. Do you understand you can only display that amount of power in private lessons?”

Kat nodded.

“I said, do you understand?”

“Yes. I understand.”

“Very good. Tomorrow we will do one on one lessons. We will work on your ability to observe someone that is in a different room from you, so you can watch over Eleven. No matter what.” Brenner crossed the room and opened the door. He stuck his head out and waved someone over. “You used a lot of energy. Go back to your room now and rest.”

“Yes, Papa,” Kat mumbled as she was taken back to her small room. As soon as the door clicked shut, and her body hit her bed, she was out cold.

~~~

“Nancy? Robin?” Steve called as he shouldered the door open, helping Eddie carry Kat inside the alternate version of the Wheeler house.

“Here. Bring her here,” Nancy motioned.

“We, uh, didn’t know what shape she’d be in. We were hoping for, um, alive? So we took what we could that was soft and, you know, not covered in vines. Which, by the way, might be time to get a maid, Wheeler,” Robin chuckled as she nervously rambled as the boys gently set Kat down on a makeshift bed of blankets and pillows. “Kat is, um, alive, right?”

Eddie nodded. “Mhm, yeah. I think it’s, uh, been a while since she’s used that much of her powers.” He never took his eyes off Kat, checking for any other signs she was hurt.

“Did you find the guns?” Steve asked.

“We made that instead. Had to get around the vines. Come on, I don’t want to stay here longer than we have to,” Nancy said as she started to go upstairs.

“Come on, man. Let her rest. She’ll be okay here,” Steve assured Eddie. He patted his shoulder, nudging him to get up. Eddie nodded and started to follow the other girls up the stairs.

Only a few steps behind them, Steve stopped and shone his flashlight around. He could hear some warbled, distant conversation. He looked down at Kat who was still knocked out. The rest of the group had already gone down the hallway. When he listened more intently, he swore he could almost hear Dustin’s voice.

Nancy marched to her closet and threw open the doors. Her eyes went right to a white shoebox on the shelf. She grabbed it and placed it on her desk. When she lifted the cover, puzzled looks befell everyone.

“Those aren’t guns,” Eddie pointed out.

“These heels are pointy, but I was hoping for something along the lines of a deadly projectile,” Robin commented.

“I… I don’t understand,” Nancy said, bewildered.

“Maybe you left them somewhere else,” Eddie offered, knowing all too well how it feels to misplace something, and foolishly hoping it was only going to be that simple.

“There’s a six-year-old in the house. I know where I keep my guns,” Nancy snapped. “And also, I threw these away years ago,” she said with a softer tone. Her eyes scanned her desk until her chemistry book caught her eye. There were flashcards on top of it. She started to flip through them, shaking her head in disbelief.

“I get that grades are important to you, but perhaps studying can wait till we get out?” Robin asked, questioning how engrossed Nancy was over these flashcards.

“These are from sophomore chemistry. And this… This is old wallpaper. And this mirror, this went to a yard sale. And you…” She circled her room, pointing out everything that seemingly had not changed in her room. She picked up a stuffed animal on her bed. “You’re not supposed to be here. No, I gave you to cousin Joanna two years ago.”

When Nancy noticed yet another thing, Eddie turned to Robin and mouthed “Is she okay?” Robin only shrugged in response. Nancy pulled a book out from under a small pile on her nightstand and thumbed through the pages.

“What is it?” Eddie asked when she started to shake her head again. Him and Robin moved closer to behind Nancy, trying to look over her shoulder.

“Nancy? You’re freaking me out,” Robin said.

“I think the reason my guns aren’t here is because they don’t exist yet,” Nancy spoke slowly in a way that towed the line between concern and fear.

“They don’t… exist?” Eddie said through gritted teeth, clearly expressing his annoyance over this new plot development.

“This diary should be full of entries. It’s not. The last entry is November 6, 1983. The day Will went missing. The day the gate opened. We’re in the past!”

Slowly, Eddie and Robin’s heads turned to look at each other, practically in shock over how what Nancy had said was real. Out of nowhere, they heard Steve shouting from downstairs.

“Dustin? Dustin!”

Robin bolted out the room first. Her friends immediately followed suit. They rushed back downstairs to see Steve shouting and jumping around the living room. Eddie almost tripped over Kat as he rounded the last step, grabbing on the railing. Luckily, his foot only knocked a pillow by her feet.

“Can you hear me? Dustin!” Steve kept yelling. “Du– Hello? Hel… Hello?!”

“Maybe he does have rabies,” Robin whispered to Nancy.

“Hello! Hello?”

A groan sounded from behind them. Eddie whipped around and was kneeling by Kat’s side in seconds. She was rubbing her eyes. “Babe, babe. Kat? Are you okay? How bad are you hurt?”

“Not as bad as Steve will be if he doesn’t stop his goddamn yelling!” Kat replied.

“Steve! Shut up for a sec!” Eddie snapped.

“Yep. She’s back, alright,” Robin chuckled quietly to Nancy.

Kat slowly tried to sit up. Eddie guided her, gently wrapping his arm around her back, so she was sitting up straight. “I feel like…” she said groggily, “I put my head in a trash compactor.”

Eddie’s eyes widened. “Is it… Is he…?”

Kat shook her head. “No, no. It’s just from using my powers to the max.”

“Steve! What are you doing?!” Nancy said to Steve who was still calling out to Dustin.

Steve whirled around, shining his flashlight right in Robin and Nancy’s faces. They held a hand up to their eyes to block the light.

“He’s here! Henderson. That little shit, he’s here. He’s like… here. He’s in the walls or something. Just listen,” Steve panted, out of breath from running around and screaming like a madman. After he paused, he pointed to his ear and nodded. “Dustin!” he exclaimed as if everyone else could hear what he was hearing. “Dustin! Dustin! Dustin! Can you hear me?” he shouted again.

Kat started to stand. She grabbed hold of Eddie’s arm to pull herself up. Out of nowhere, she could hear another voice.

“That brings us to the first question you raised.” Dustin’s voice was distorted, muffled.

“Holy shit. Do you hear that?” Kat and Eddie paused mid movement. Mouths agape in shock.

“It– It’s Henderson,” he said.

“Help me up. Help me stand up,” Kat said quickly.

“Dustin!” Nancy called out.

“You good?” Eddie asked, easing up on his hold of Kat. She took one step. Her movements were stiff, but the only pain she felt was in her head and even that was easing up. Eddie went over to the dining area. He hastily checked behind a curtain. “Dustin?” he shouted.

“Eddie, really? That curtain doesn’t even reach the floor. I think if he was behind there we’d see him?” Kat laughed.

“I dunno! Really weird shit has been happening. What if… There coulda been a mini Dustin there. I don’t know!” Eddie huffed.

“Dustin!” Robin yelled.

The more Kat tried to listen, the clearer Dustin’s voice became. “What does his voice sound like to you guys?”

“Kinda like he’s talking through a tin can?” Robin asked as they kept looking around for any clues. “You?”

“It’s getting clearer and clearer. And… and my headache is pounding less and less…” Kat couldn’t quite figure out how this was happening.

“Alright, either this kid can’t hear us or he’s being a total douchebag,” said Steve.

“Will found a way,” Nancy noted.

“What?” Steve asked.

“Will. He found a way… to speak to Joyce… through the lights!” Nancy recalled as she rushed over to the nearest lamp.

Kat took a deep breath, trying to piece together what was happening and how it could be happening. Eddie went to go around her, but his foot caught on a dining chair. He stumbled forward. His chest went flush against Kat’s shoulder. He placed his hand on her lower back to steady himself. At the contact, her vision blurred which caused her to immediately shut her eyes and brace herself on the table in front of her.

“Sorry, sorry,” Eddie whispered. When he took his hand off her back and moved around her, she could feel her headache start to throb again. “You okay?”

Kat furrowed her brows, unsure of what exactly was going on. She reached out and took Eddie’s hand in hers and squeezed it. Dustin’s voice sounded louder and less garbled. Her head felt clearer. “I… I can hear him better. And I feel better…” she brought their entwined hands up and shook them. Eddie simply nodded and gave her hand a light squeeze.

Nancy tried to turn the switch on the lamp, but nothing happened.

“The switch. Try the switch,” Steve said.

“Okay,” she said as she flipped the switch on and off and on and off. “It’s not working!”

Kat could feel a surge of energy around her. There was a tingling sensation above her head. She looked up, seeing a faint glowing red sparkle around the chandelier. She reached above her to grab it. Her touch illuminated the light. It started to hum. The red surrounding the light fixture glowed brighter.

“Whoa…” Eddie breathed.

Steve spun around and shone his flashlight on the chandelier. Kat turned to look at him, her face slack with awe and slight confusion.

“You guys see this?” Kat asked.

“Uh-huh,” Steve mumbled as he and Nancy stepped closer to the table.

Taking her hand off the light, Kat watched as the light dimmed. While it still could be seen, it was nowhere near as vivid. She let go of Eddie and it dimmed even further. Her headache came crashing back making her wince. Immediately she took Eddie’s hand again and even grabbed the light without thinking. “I don’t know why, but contact with Eddie and even this light, makes my head stop hurting. Like… I feel better. I feel stronger?”

“So are you saying… Eddie sort of has powers too? Or like a good luck charm?” Robin hypothesized.

“No… It– I’m wondering if…” Kat dropped her hand holding the light and held it out to Steve. “Take my hand Steve.”

“What?” Steve asked, his eyes darting between Nancy and Eddie.

Kat shook her hand in front of him. “Take my hand,” she repeated sternly.

“O–okay…”

When Steve took her hand, she felt another surge of relief. Dustin’s voice became even clearer to her. It was like he was talking to her from upstairs, not another dimension. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes. “I want both of you to grab the chandelier,” she instructed. As soon as Eddie and Steve’s hands made contact with that light, it shone as brightly as it would if there were actually electricity in the Upside Down.

“...open a tear in time and space just like the mothergate.” Dustin’s words were clear as day.

“Okay, guys, take your hands off of the light.” As they did the light dimmed, but the red glow remained brighter than it had the last time.

“Nancy. Robin. I want you to touch the red sparkly light,” said Kat.

The girls nodded and they twirled their fingers in the glittering, red glow. Again, it became brighter. She looked to both Eddie and Steve who were staring in awe of this discovery. Kat nodded at them. “Your turn, now. Don’t touch the light yet. Just that, uh, light glitter.”

The boys copied Robin and Nancy’s movements. Steve scrunched his face in confusion. “It… tickles?”

“It kinda… feels good?” Robin mused.

“I think it’s our connection to Dustin that’s making us able to affect the light,” Kat pondered.

Kat took a few more deep breaths. Still holding their hands, she could feel warmth radiating from Eddie and Steve. With each inhale, she felt herself regaining strength. Upon her exhales, she knew the pain was fading. Finally, she let go of their hands. She reached up and circled her finger in the light. A trail of sparkles followed her movement. The whole room was illuminated.

“Does anyone know morse code?” Nancy asked.

“No…” Robin and Steve answered in unison. Kat just shook her head.

Eddie frowned, but then a realization hit him. “Wait, does S.O.S. count?” Kat dropped her hand by her side and her head dropped back as she let out a sigh. Nancy and Robin just squinted their eyes at him as in an exasperated, “really?” sort of way. “Is that… Is that good?”

“That’s perfect, you idiot!” Kat said as she gave the back of his head a light smack.

“Ow?” he said, fixing his hair where she ruffled it.

Kat grabbed his hand again to make the light shine even brighter and Eddie began tapping away.

“It’s working,” Robin remarked.

“Hey, uh… Remember when I said they wouldn’t be stupid enough to go through Watergate?”

“Yeah…”

“I, uh, overestimated them.”

Kat giggled as she heard Dustin clearer than ever.

“What? What’d you hear? Can you hear him?” Steve eagerly asked.

Kat nodded. “Yeah, perfectly,” she laughed. “He knows we’re here.”

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#eddie munson #eddie munson x ofc #eddie munson fix it fic #eddie munson fanfic #stranger things #stranger things 4 #steve harrington #nancy wheeler #robin buckley #dustin henderson #lucas sinclair #erica sinclair

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loser-female · 2 years ago

Note

I'm sorry that you've gotten hate over having a boyfriend. This is one part of the radfem community that I too, could never get behind (and I'm as misandrist as we come).

I'm a lesbian radfem from a homophobic country and even though I have quite a liberal family, they are liberal for my country's standards, and I don't think I could ever be openly gay here. It's almost surreal to me to see the idea of a political lesbian - sexuality is NOT a choice!

Women's rights, health and safety - my mother, my sister, my female friends and teachers - are and always will be my priority. But if I could evade the stigma that comes with being a lesbian by simply picking to be straight, hand on my heart, I would. But I'm not straight, just like how some radfems aren't attracted to other women. That's just how it is!

It's not exactly "women's liberation"-ish of this community to shame women for finding partners that they love and trust or to assume that straight members of the community don't have the agency to drive their own relationships.

Hi!

Thank you for this message. I cannot comprehend how horrible it is for someone that lives in such counties, but I hope the best to you.

As you probably figured out yes, there is more to the story, and I discovered radical feminism last year, while me and my boyfriend have been together for a decade, we own an house too (I probably should say husband although we aren't legally married, but USians are weird around these things).

To me, I personally got myself a laugh at those anons, but it bothers me that an actual victim of abuse would receive those messages. I'm not even encouraging women to date men, I actually do the opposite(there is a reason why my links are all negative), but it's obvious even to stones that calling people names and wishing them harm is not a way to promote anything. This is why I choose to make people aware of how men are overall terrible partners.

I can get why and understand that my life choices are unpopular, and people are allowed to say "but that's not a good idea". I think that after all "is radical feminism compatible with dating men" is a good question and that there will always be different answers and this is a good thing! But this doesn't mean people are allowed to say "I hope you get abused". I hope no one gets abused. I'm a victim of child mental and emotional abuse and I'd give everything to prevent even a single person to go through this. I'm a feminist because in my utopian world no one gets abused and when it happens there will be community and resources for them. Not people telling them "but I told you so", "but you should know that men are evil" and shit.

That being said I will always support celibates, separatists, febfems and so on. I believe that in our difference there is good and that we can take collectively valuable lessons.

After losing so many years to illness I'm doing the best I can. And doing the best you can involves compromises sometimes. I always pictured myself living alone, but I'm not able to(and it didn't happen anyway). There is so many things my health took from me, and now I'm finally starting to be okay with how things turned out.

About political lesbianism, there were few interesting things going on radblr a couple of weeks ago, it's a really weird and homophobic idea that has nothing to do with women loving women. It's the kind of thing that happens when you hate men more than how much you love women.

I hope your country "will get there" in terms of gay rights soon enough, you deserve to live your life fully in your own truth.

Again, thank you for reaching out to me, but in reality I should have been reaching out to you and reassuring you.

#ada.txt #relationships

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pupkinpumpkin · 28 days ago

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Since I'm going through all the DA games again, I've been thinking of writing a compilation of fun facts for all my protagonists, especially since I haven't done it in awhile, and I don't I've ever done one for my Cousland

Elena Cousland

- Looks-wise, I think she's a combo of Britt Lower as Helly in Severance and Olivia Cooke as Alice Hightower in House of the Dragon (Hilariously, she also she acts a lot like Helena and Helly combined)

- I feel if she was an actual character, she'd be a GREAT romance, being bisexual but also comphet as hell, her female romance would be phenomenal

- After her and Sten get close, she asks to learn Qunlat from him. He is hesitant, saying she's not of the Qun and he isn't a teacher, but she cites that it may be easier for him to communicate in battle in his native tongue (and she promises cake), so he gives in. It's a hard language, but she learns the equivalent of a kid in the middle of an advanced Spanish class in highschool, so I think a decent amount

- Massive spender, it's just a habit after being a noble for so long. Would be an insane online shopper. She's not allowed to hold the money, but she can tell expensive stuff from cheap knockoffs

- Loves giving gifts. Anytime she goes shopping, she tries to buy things for everyone, stuff she knows they'll like. It's very sweet but also one of the reasons she doesn't hold the money.

- Doesn't like thunderstorms and feels really uncomfortable out in the open in camp during them. Alistair teases her about it, but when he sees how actually freaked out she is, he stops and just holds her in their tent till it passes.

- Her best friend is Morrigan all the way. She also didn't believe in love at the start, she can be quite cold and manipulative when she wants to be, and she used people for her own gain a lot when she was a noble. They both had the same feelings of nihilism and caution to the world around them and they both grow as people together and really think of each other as sisters (once Elena gets over her crush on her bc haha everyone wants to sleep with their best friend right?)

- I don't think she fully accepts that she's bi and that dating a woman can be serious until like 2 years into being in a relationship w Alistair

- Her makeup is her warpaint and by the Maker it needs to look perfect before she goes into battle

- She would obviously be great at The Game

- Definitely the weakest to a Pride demon

- I honestly think it's quite funny how Elena is slim, persuasive, and sneaky, hallmarks of a rogue, but she's a two-handed warrior (and my Hawke is the exact opposite but we're not there yet)

- Probably complains about the weather a lot. Her footsies are freezing thank you

- Ngl tho, after Origins when she gets married to Alistair and lives in the castle, she really misses the feeling of waking up in the middle of the night and sneaking off to go look at the stars, just listening to the sounds of nature, surrounded by trees and lakes

- I think when she first met Alistair, she was like "oh, he's just a funny stupid hot guy, cute" and as she hung out with him more she laughed at his jokes and she teases him, albeit not as much or as brutal as Morrigan and oh he's flirting with her now, how adorable, and she flirts back a bit but then she has such deep and interesting conversations with him and she starts to confide in him and realizes how smart he is and he's kind and Maker he's so sweet he looks at her like she's the world and she can't help but blush any time he looks her way and when she lets her mind wander, she thinks of holding him in her arms and oh shit she's in love. FUCK-

- I am so specifically fascinated with her and Alistair tbh. As Origins goes on, Elena starts unlearning all of her high and mighty noble bullshit and starts being like "shit I might stay a Grey Warden, this is great!" And she genuinely falls in love with Alistair not caring about his rank or status but once she learns he's the King's bastard she gets soooo scared and starts doubting if she genuinely loves him or is it just her need to social climb? She's so terrified at the thought of using him like she used so many friends and lovers in her past and it fucks her up, she starts weeping snotty tears when she asks Alistair to sleep with Morrigan because she knows he would never agree to it if it was anyone else asking and she feels so awful because she's so afraid to die and she can't have him sacrifice himself and UGH it's so interesting

- Don't get me fucking started on how torn she is during the Landmeet too when she decides to make Alistair king and her his queen

- she is really grateful to Morrigan for saving her ass though

- I think she's a very "there has to be another way" type of person. Like. As a noble, she's always found a way to get around rules and regulations she didn't care for, she just needs to have the right person, the right words, or the right amount of coin, so when there is only one way out of something, she gets scared. It's one of the reasons she's so incredibly thankful for Morrigan's ritual because she somehow found a way out of DEATH by knowing the right person.

- I think Elena was like a casual Andrastian, ya know, only go to church on Easter and Christmas kinda gal until The Temple of Sacred Ashes. That shit rocked her spiritually

- Absolute secret menace as a child, ALWAYS pinning stuff on Fergus and building an image where the adults are like "oh sweet little Elena wouldn't do that" and then even when she does get caught, Fergus still gets blamed bc he's the older sibling and needs to set an example, he hated her as a child

- Hates but also deeply respects Anora. Their dynamic is immaculate

- She's so interesting I want to poke at her with a stick

#dragon age #dragon age origins #warden cousland #female cousland #dragon age oc

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izzyiswizzy · 5 months ago

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It’s been 2 years since it was last updated, yet I’m here again!

Tumblr always was a safe space for me and I guess it will remain the same, even with the passage of time. Something about the idea that people you know and care about are unlikely to find your page and read your posts seems borderline appealing to me. Okay, let’s make a little update on my life, rewind and think bout how we got here.

First of all, I’m 20 now. On January 2022, here I posted a story of how I tried to get my shit together and pass IELTS exam without adequate prep, well I ended up scoring 7.0 even tho I could do at least 7.5 but 10 days of prep prolly weren’t enough and that’s totally ok, I was still so excited and grateful and then the uni application season began! I applied to several schools, Anglo-American uni in Prague, KIMEP in Almaty, some public uni in village-like town in Poland the name of which I don’t even recall, even freaking community colleges in the States, then I return to my hometown and my mum proposes an offer to go to Istanbul to see some unis there. I was like, why not, cause at the time I was fully confused and not ready to deal with emotional separation and the idea to go and live overseas and to catch a cold there felt diabolical and scared the shut out of me. Istanbul seemed like the smartest option with convenient flights that last 2-3h and pretty normal prices (almost the same as most European ones as I found out later). So, we get there 2-3 days later, land there, check in, fall asleep to the sound of chaos and wake up to go shopping. The day after we go to Medipol university, our first location, to see what even unis are in Ist. We took the bus, the ride was kinda exhausting cause your girl was using bus for like 3rd time in her life but it was so worth it. Me, my dad and mum enter the uni, it was an open house day, strangely enough. Then I see that uni and I’m like: “Seems like it was designed in a sophisticating manner and even has Starbucks on the entrance floor, I’m in.” That’s it. Starbucks was a normal coffee shop for me at the time, the whole Palestinian thing hasn’t started yet and times were more or less peaceful.

A week later we come back to Atyrau, Kz and I start preparing all the documents required for application. Then I get in. Then we buy tickets and the remaining month before leaving for studying I spend in my hometown, mostly by taking care of myself, working on my hobbies and hanging out with my local friends. It was August, or September, now I don’t know, when me and my friend were supposed to meet in a cafe near my place and I was a bit late so I walked there and when I entered the cafe I saw someone sitting across from my friend. We greeted each other with my friend and he introduced me to this guy who was acting really nonchalant and chill, even apathetic in some way. Then, I don’t know how but we became really good friends. I guess it was that my original friend texted me after they drove me home and said that this guy asked for my number. I was like yeah, why not. After that, we started hanging out more and there were periods when I was ghosting him and we stopped talking for many months, but even now we talk. That’s also a lesson, people you meet, you meet them randomly, maybe the moment you were in a rush getting ready to have a chat and an iced latte is the moment this guy bumped into your friend and decided to go to the cafe with him and this exact moment was just meant to be without you guys realising. I do believe in fate, I do believe in chance, so I guess it was just it. And I adore this mf!

Also, when I was 18, I first started dating a guy. No, not the one I met in a cafe. I will not dive into details cause it’s kinda pointless but basically it was a positive experience. I would even rate it, as if I used ordinal data, very good. Why not excellent? Cause we weren’t meant to be, that’s the missing point. This guy is kinda older tho, wanted to marry, when I say marry I mean quickly, he wanted me to be this traditional woman which I kinda am but without being too into it lmao. Like, ok man, I do adore traditional values and want men to be gentlemen and open doors for women and go to war and build architectural wonders and women be nurturing mothers and drive their children to the kindergarten, educate them and be a soft and loving wife but BRO I was 18 at the time. Why will you even tell me that. 2 years do make a difference and that’s the best thing. I want a career, I mean, I’m working on it. But I do believe that being a mother is beautiful and it’s like a natural function that you do experience if you consent and it’s fucking beautiful. And ofc, it ruins your health to some extent, depending on many factors, so you need to rest and not work your 9 to 5 in the office or with some toxic bitches. So yeah, I guess after all years of reevaluating my beliefs I came to the conclusion, I’m a traditional woman, for Fuck’s Sake.

Also, my fingers are tired of typing so I guess it’s time to wrap up. Let’s call it a day for today. I’m really happy that I started using this page again cause honestly, I love to talk about my life just like everyone does. So, if someone is even reading it, wishing you peaceful time full of positive energy and success. Be good to yourself and to others, bye!

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gaoootic · 5 months ago

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Today marks one year of when I started learning jp sorta just because. Well I think it was on the 8th but the 365 days are up so whatever!!!

This isn't actually a jp learning blog but I guess I'll frame the post for someone who's tryna get into it for ease of writing. (no silly mspaint doodles this time around for lack of time sadly)

Things I learned: ☼ shit like basic grammar, apparently I'm up in the N3 trenches fighting for my life right now, but I still feel like I don't have a good enough solid foundation. This will likely fill itself out in time with actual use. ☼ Roughly between 2500-3000 words (though I'd say most are barely at 'seen' level rather than learned) ☼ Around 600 isolated kanji (though again mostly just recognition, in reality I'm basing most of my so-called knowledge on whether I could stare at it for 5 minutes and go "OH ITS THAT... FUCKIN THING, MAYBE" off the top of my head) ☼ I am way more stubborn than I thought I was and I already thought it was plenty. ☼ You don't actually have to be organized and keep everything nice and pretty to be studying, if you get it done you get it done and that's that. ☼ YOU CAN DO FUN STUFF WITH YOUR IME LOOK AT THIS ※↓↗☞☆彡 it's so good they made a bunch of unique little unicode characters or whatever they are and decided to gate them all behind esoteric weeb knowledge ｙｏｕ　ｃａｎ　ｅｖｅｎ　ｔｙｐｅ　ｗｉｄｅ

Things I liked: ☼これはペンです ☼ I've been reading nichijou with a lot of lookups and all, and though I do feel confused most of the time still sometimes I look at stuff and just straight up understand it which often warrants the good old 'huh cool.' reaction. ☼ Calling it a routine may be a bit much but checking "doing the jp stuff" off my mental to-do list for the day feels nice ☼ Watching number go up in terms of stats is fun ☼ A bunch of nerds made so many tools and books and videos and more to learn this thing I'm like a thief scurrying about taking all their knowledge they just left out by the window to cool down what fools. ☼ Seriously, even when I'm making the most sluggish of advances through hordes and hordes of sentences and textboxes, playing a game in its original language or reading a volume of manga is really cool. At the moment of doing it I don't really think about how strange it is to be able to do so, but reading something while abiding by rules you don't fully grasp and still coming out with an adequate understanding of what was going on is oddly entertaining. ☼ I managed to get through a full playthrough of Tokimeki memorial 1 which, although I believe it has an english fan translation, is a JP only game with relatively simple writing. I recommend it if you don't vomit at the sight of dating sims if only as a way to test whether you understand like 80% of stuff and get some new vocab in. Careful with the text scrolling speed tho ☼ It is nice to have something to be a little ambitious about ☼ anki and kanji

Things I didn't like: ☼ Grammar. hell. ☼ Typing ん still, fucker ☼ By the gods if you ever decide to take this chungus ass hobby up consider VERY, VERY CAREFULLY if you want to interact with the surrounding community. Everywhere I look it's people meticulously calculating the single best possible way to study down to the microsecond. It is insane to me that people are playing ranked on this language and aiming for world record holy fuck. On the surface I understand the sentiment of wanting to be efficient and productive about it, but some seem to take it so far. You cannot learn a language in a month. Hell, not even in a year, probably not in two either. I think so, at least. ☼ Your yt recommended videos won't stop giving you jp learning related stuff which is a difficult hole to claw out of. Not actual jp stuff, jp adjacent content. I had to make a second account for actual jp stuff and change location to japan every time I use it otherwise I'm almost certain it would further mess everything up. This isn't necessarily the fault of the japanese language itself, but it has bothered me for so long. It's all like... beginner blackhole too. Which makes sense due to the nature of bigger number of people = bigger number of profit, but nevertheless it is rather irritating. ☼ The overabundance of tools there are for learning gets a bit overwhelming at first because you don't know wtf to pick and stick to and people will always debate "no this is good" "no this is bad" "dude you literally cannot learn grammar off of the back of a cereal box you are delusional" ☼ I forgot languages, specifically in casual speech, tend to just omit like half the rules because you're assumed to already know how it works. In jp alone you see things like particle omission, conjugation abbreviations, the usage of stuff like pronouns, etc etc. And like, sure it's fun once you actually GET what is going on but when you think about it it's a little funny how languages just make up a bunch of rules and then go "yea they take too long whatever lets skip these unless we need to look fancy" ☼ I also forgot words have very specific nuances that you can't easily grasp when you first get started ☼ anki and kanji again

Things I want to try to do in the future: ☼ First contact already was sort of a disaster (Word by word I believe I was told ビジネスっぽい in good nature but I couldn't help getting flashbacks at when I got told I sounded or used an archaic expression in english class and thus I got utterly obliterated instantly (not even ashes left behind)) but it'd be nice if In the future when I'm not as absolute dogwater at actual production I could find jp speakers to once in a blue moon write a message to for 8 hours and then have them go ???何これｗ because I wrote it in ultra keigo (DO NOT USE THE KANJI FOR YOROSHIKU DO NOT DO IT) with broken grammar. If I pluck up enough courage for it, that is. Or enough stupidity, either works. May whatever deity help whoever I end up crossing. ☼ I'd like to venture more into watching actual youtube videos in japanese. However, for that, I sorta need to think pretty deliberately on what type of video I want to watch. Not only because I'm sure it'll range widely from level to level in just about any topic, but also because thinking about what to watch is a bit of a hassle. More rewarding, though. ☼ I'll keep reading manga first because it's what I'm more comfortable with, but I'd also like to get started on listening comprehension because man do I absolutely suck ass at that. ☼ Reach the level of a 2-year-old kid's proficiency ☼ 上手になりますよ‼️‼️MAYBE ペラペラ that one's still up in the air

Some advice if someone stumbles upon this post: ☼ Take stuff one day at a time. And I seriously do mean this. Do not focus on your goals or objectives and get discouraged unless you feel like you really have to, I found just going "HELL YEAH +5 WORDS TODAY" to be more rewarding (even when I wasn't feeling all that accomplished) compared to busting my own balls over whether I fully grasped each and every delicate grammar point in a sentence. Believe me it doesn't feel like it at all when you're in the middle of it but the thing about learning a language is that every little footprint you make ends up mattering more than you'd initially think. ☼ Not everything will have furigana, hell I doubt most things will, so get some sort of OCR thing to take screenshots for kanji lookups on yomitan or whatever, you will go absolutely batshit insane if you use jisho.org's radical lookup tool or try to draw them by hand. HOW are you meant to use that if you do not even know stroke order, the recognition in those things is godawful. ☼ Anki word reviews hit 100 times harder than new words, if you're studying other stuff at the same time seriously be mindful of your limit and lower how much you do in a day or you will go mad ☼ Streaks ARE helpful but ultimately don't let them define your behaviour ☼ If people tell you this is easy they are either lying to you because they want your money for some course they're selling or they aren't expressing themselves very well. Learning jp is "easy" in the sense that the activities you do to attain that goal aren't exactly overly strenuous, but it is a time sink and a braincell sink also. or idk they're doing that thing where they go "HMPH.... WHAT A PEASANT......... HOW DAREST THEE NOT BE COGNISANT IN THE WAYS OF THE BLADE.... FOR ME IT WAS QUITE SHRIMPLE, REALLY. 🦐" just to flex that some people enjoy doing. I think it's entertaining personally maybe a little endearing ☼ Whenever possible be more pragmatic than idealistic or rigid as regards usage. Sounding like a textbook is fine its what you learnt probably, doing the wrong pitch accent I'm sure is whatever in 99% of cases, stringing together an entire sentence with only words and 0 grammar linking them is probably worth doing provided you can be understood. If it works it works. ☼ Golden rule is halfass it then go back sometime later once you're more advanced and fullass it. As long as you sorta understand and get the gist of it, move on and keep going. Otherwise, you will get stuck. For the longest time I struggled to remember stuff like い adj and な adj "conjugations" but you do this thing where you're forced to revisit concepts anyways later on so you can just do lookups then. ☼ Actual golden rule is just do whatever works best for you ☼ but don't use chatgpt lmao

And now for some stats.

no clue what any of this shit means.

whoaaa look at this cool graphics I hit 40k reviews whoaa

Wonder how accurate some of these are because 9.53s per card does not sound right and considering the usage of other tools 106 hours is nowhere near right

shoutout to those 1 am reviews I did once Random thoughts and other tidbits ☼ N5 AND EVEN N4 TO AN EXTENT CONTENT IS SO BORING!!! I swear if I have to read about that one chihuahua again bro oh my god. Most of the time you'll end up reading something that's a bit too hard for you because it uses grammar found deep within the mariana trench cuz that's the only stuff I seemingly find fun. I've been rereading my alltime favorite manga again this time in jp and I swear even if it has furigana this shit is throwing hands. Still, I don't mind reading something a little more out of my level if it means not dying of boredom. Maybe I just didn't find anything particularly engaging and it was a skill issue on my part though. ☼ ヰ looks so cool why did they get rid of it canonizing it now Avvino's name in jp would be アッヸノ regardless of whether its some sort of aberration of the language whatever I get to play with it because you threw it away EXCEPT FOR THE WORD WHISKEY SOMETIMES LIKE- ☼ Ateji and rendaku will haunt my nightmares. Sometimes the language feels like a slot machine but its fine because gambling keeps me on my toes i guess ☼ I was such a little fool back then. What an innocent man. Thinking "wow why don't they just use their phonetic alphabets and spaces for writing?" You absolute cretin. I tried so hard to play the old pokemon games but I am too weak to face full hiragana writing. god. the sorrow. ☼ I wonder how long it'll take for someone to go "OMG WOW YOU'RE LEARNING JAPANESE??? SAY SOMETHING :O" but I guess for that to happen I kinda need to meet people first. I haven't even been told うおおお日本語上手ですね yet why do i even bother ☼ IMAGINE ALL THE REVENUE I COULD'VE GOTTEN IF I MADE MY OWN SHITTY CLICKBAIT SERIES.... GOD......... ☼ Physically restraining myself from using kenjougo internally in my brain every time I try to come up with a sentence even if it would be broken and not even remotely correct has proven difficult but i WILL sound like a normal human being. eventually. with some luck. I hope. please

☼ Talking to yourself like some sort of little creature in a terrarium works again! It is a wonderful method and it even makes you look absolutely insane. what's not to love? ☼ 2k6k deck is... wtf.... I mean its whatever ultimately since you just want a baseline of words to then be able to read most of what you actually want to end up reading but the more I do of it the more......... wtf......... guess it goes with me being a salaryman (100% factual btw) ☼ I wonder if there are actual learners who do handwriting like... legit. Like they learn the stroke order and practice each and every single kanji they come across. I would die. I can't even write kana as evident from the mirrored の half a year ago on that post I did from memory. ☼ JP is a really fun language to play around with actually. Like yea sure you WILL have people staring at you with dread because of your creations but so what? a little horror has never hurt anyone ☼ Why do people even like duolingo I cannot use that thing for shit I find it so annoying ☼ the amount of little quirks japanese has is so vast there must be like an iceberg for this. Things like は sounding like わ as a particle at the top and then stuff such as forbidden kanji version of words a little below. Best way to jumpscare me would be with a random 此処 encounter, look at that beastie. ferocious Im sure of it ☼ everywhere i look people treat jp and jp stuff so weirdly lol not me though Im different and one of the good ones and built different so its fine (true and real) ☼ oh I should check out if I can read Ib in jp I fucking love that game ☼ one time I used the word dust but not the word dust itself rather the word dust that meant garbage in japanese and then someone pointed it out because it was a silly self deprecating joke I think and I will never live that down I erased whatever it was I wrote and never showed my face around that discord server ever again in my life this is what exile felt like in the middle ages. I haven't even read what was said I bet it wasn't even that bad. ☼ typing in japanese in minecraft is such a pain in the ass for some reason ☼ One year isn't that much time even when you're crawling day after day ☼ I learned to play riichi mahjong btw not well but I guess I thought "sure I mean I guess might as well" not in like real life but online game rules and it's decently fun enough honestly, I thought it was way more complicated than it really was but it helps when you can see what number kanji shit is. why is 5 different though

Closing thoughts.

So, congratulations shitass. You made it to one year. I'll be generous and grant myself full credit this time. Even if time goes on regardless, it is no small task to accomplish to do this each and every day, however easy it may technically be. 上出来でしたぜ。

Final verdict was this a waste of my time? are my results up to this point disappointing? am I gonna give up anytime soon?

fuck if i know but for tomorrow i'll keep doing it, and then after that day I'll ask myself if I wanna continue again, and so on. It's just a hobby at the end of the day, it is what you make of it.

#japanese learning

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divergent-one-1984 · 2 years ago

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Organized Crime Ring in Astoria, NY, in a neighborhood under the jurisdiction of 114th PRECINCT and in apartment buildings managed by CENTRAL ASTORIA, LLC. I have been the victim of TARGETED COMMUNITY HARASSMENT SINCE SUMMER 2016 because of my race and gender, I am an African American woman (because of a rumor / gossip mill started by staff at NYC DEPARTMENT OF EDUCATION while I was employed there from 2014 to 2016 I was made the victim of TARGETED PSYCHOLOGICAL HARASSMENT). Due to the illegal access and leaking of private, personal, confidential information by wiretapping / cloning / hacking of personal devices and illegal surveillance in my residence. This includes leaking of confidential medical information (HPV, strains that can cause cervical cancer and an Abortion) - Blackberry Messenger (BBM) between DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON and myself in MARCH 2011 - I ENDED OUR CASUAL DATING RELATIONSHIP that began in the BRONX, NY in MAY 2010 (per a blind date hook up by mutual acquaintance SHO CLARK) - POST 2 of 3 - BBM Exchange with DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON MARCH 2011 pages 1 through 2)

DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON'S Blackberry Messenger (BBM) Pin # is 3232520E.

This conversation started out with DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON reaching out to me to get $$ to repair the brand new SONY PLAYSTATION game console I bought him for his birthday in NOVEMBER 2010 and then turned into him asking me for $$ to pay his rent because apparently he had just decided while we were in this conversation to pay to repair the PLAYSTATION with his rent money, which was $140, with the assumption that I would just give him the $$ because I have taken care of him in the past when he needed things.

I did not give him too much $$ maybe $50 on a couple of occassions, but I did send hella care packages of toiletries and basic needs as well as personal items he left in US, paid a speeding ticket he had in NYS, and used calling cards to call him before he had access to Internet.

Based on this history, I guess he felt I would just give him the money but I did not and I ended things with him after this exchange. I believe DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON thought I was his personal ATM after awhile.

PAGE 1 of 5

3232520E: "I got it repaired but I used my rent money to do it"

PAGE 2 of 5

ME: "Ok so wtf is all this about?"

3232520E: "So if I can't my money from denver tomorrow I will have an issue" (denver is the basketball team DEVIN played for in EL SALVADOR, CENTRAL AMERICA)

3232520E: "Hate your shakiness that is what this is all about"

ME: "U making shit up ME: " Now" ME: "U being shakey"

3232520E: "If u can help me please do" 3232520E: "Ummmm no"

ME: "Yes u are" ME: "Wtf u telling me about some shit's that's already repaired"

3232520E: "I just took 140 dollars to fix it because it is cheaper than mailing it and getting it sent back…."

ME: "That's fine but its done already so y r we even talking about it?"

3232520E: "I just fixed it I'm not even powering it on till I get to the new house"

ME: "Ok"

3232520E: "Because I need help in paying for it"

ME: "I can't help u" ME: "Sorry" ME: "U prob won't get money from me until I feel we r in a different kind of place cause all I'm gonna think is ur going to use the money I give you on someother chick"

(At this point I knew about DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON and 19 year old gf, ELISA VELASQUEZ (he is 30 at this point, I think this is a little gross and borderline pee-dough, 19 is still a baby as far as I am concerned even though I know girls tend to mature faster than boys, but anywho)

I found out DEVIN was "in a relationship" by stumbling upon his relationship status accidentally on Facebook instead of him telling me.

DEVIN was up front about his polyamorous lifestyle before he moved which is why I never fully took things seriously especially since we were long distance as well, I was just having fun for these reasons and some others until I did not want to have fun anymore.

DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON stated he would tell me about such things, these were his words I expected him to stand on them but he didn't, I sat on this information for at least a month at this point.

I was waiting and giving him the chance to tell me like he claimed he would, but he never did so this is where my mind was at at this point and eventually at the end of this conversation, which is somewhere on a computer / usb drive, I basically told him, if you are claiming women on FB, ask them for money, don't call on me from another country when you have a gf right there. Don't try to play me because I thought he and I were better than that)

ME: "If you need something tangible"

3232520E: "Was hoping u would at least go half with me in fixing it since I'm not mailing it anymore…."

ME: "For urself" ME: "I can help but actual $" ME: "Feel funny about it" ………………….

3232520E: "Can u phathom all the negative things I want to say to u right now….."

ME: "I'm sure"

3232520E: "I have a contract to sign tomorrow so I can have a place to live since margarito asked me to move out"

3232520E: "And u have the nerve to downplay my needs to that of money going to some chick" 3232520E: "Right" 3232520E: "Thank u"

ME: "y would u use rent $ to repair ps3" ME: "?"

3232520E: "So much for" 3232520E: "Your understanding"

ME: "Because first of all u lied about the ps3" ME: "?" 3232520E: "I what" ME: "U made it seem like it still needed to be repaired"

3232520E: "I never lie" 3232520E: "I'm done" 3232520E: "Fuck u" ………………. 3232520E: "All u do is urk me"

ME: "Did u not just make it seem as if it still neede to b" ME: "Sent back here"

3232520E: "Every fucking time u bleed"

(So, I had to add some context to this just because I think it's utterly ridiculous and laughable and shows how deeply misogynistic DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON is.

This is a tired ass thing for a man to say to a woman; blame us having a disagreement because I have my period? This is like middle school / high school sh!t; most men don't seem to bypass this maturity level anyway so I suppose I should not have been surprised he would say such a stupid thing that is patently false.

First of all, this is a blanket misogynist statement, while I do acknowledge that as women we go through hormonal changes that can alter our moods in different degrees at any point during our menstrual cycle, not just when we are actually bleeding, but whatever that altered state is, if at all, it varies from woman to woman.

When you have been around me longer than a month then we can talk.

For DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON to put that out there as if its true and as if he knows anything about when I bleed is ridiculous.

I don't recall if I actually had my period during the time of this exchange, based on what I guesstimate to be the date of this exchange it's entirely possible I did have my period but DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON has literally only been around me possibly 1 time during my period if I had my period during the month we hung out in NYC before he moved and if I did I may or may not have hung out with him during this time or for at least part of this time.

If we did hangout, I don't recall him saying anything about "my bleeding" during that period of a little over a month that we physically spent together during SUMMER 2010 and we did not hang out everyday, maybe 2 - 4 days each week, after we met in person about a week or so after we started talking on the phone.

Most of the time we were "hanging out" was spent in 2 different countries.

I met DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON in late MAY 2010 in NYC, DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON moved to EL SALVADOR, CENTRAL AMERICA the first week of JULY 2010. I literally spent about 1 month in DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON'S physical presence, including the 3 day weekend I visited him in NOVEMBER 2010 to celebrate our birthdays together.

DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON has not been around me long enough to know how the hell I am when I bleed.

DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON was basically trying to deflect from his poor decision making and throwing a temper tantrum because I wouldn't give him money; antagonize me for no reason, that will certainly get you what you want, sure….lol.

Additionally, to further point out the obsurdity of DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON'S statement, the 2 actual relationships I have had in my life of which I spent more time with each of them than my hanging out with DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON, neither one of them has ever said anything about my period being a catalyst for an argument / disagreement.

Those men had been around me physically for more than 1 instance of my period. The first relationship was with a man I met shortly after graduating college whom I lost my virginity to, he was around me for at least 12 periods, not once did he ever say you know when you bleed you are this or that or you must have your period why are you are being a b…., etc. lol.

The other relationship lasted for 4 years with an additional year and a half of toxic uncoupling (for more details see any post about WILFRED SHAWN KIRKLADY) You will see the receipts of WILFRED SHAWN KIRKALDY saying some pretty sh!tty, disrespectful, emotionally / verbally abusive things to me and generally doing the most with his extreme and erratic thinking / behavior and the tendancy to attempt to tear down my self esteem with some of his comments, however you won't see him saying anything about everytime I bleed yadda yadda yadda.

I don't recall WILFRED SHAWN KIRKALDY stating that in any of those communications, additional communications that I have not posted, or any verbal argument we ever had.

WILFRED had been around me for at least 60 periods, where at least over a dozen were while we lived together under the same roof, so DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON was basically just pulling sh!t out of his ass because of his emotional immaturity and instability.

And for additional TMI, I can be irritable and more impatient than normal, but not angry irritable (and if I sense that because I have been with myself through many periods obviously, I am in my late 40s and hope to be in perimenopause cause I'm over this annoyance and don't want children so pointless, anywho, I will stay to myself, take some aspirin, if available a heating pad, watch youtube videos, and just lay down and rest especially for the first 2 to 3 days.

I literally don't have all the energy for the nonsense DEVIN ELTON THOMPSON is talking about, DEVIN just wanted to blame me for a problem he created.

I am a sleepy / sluggish / lethargic / bloated / sensitive (romantically and generally), withdrawn, quiet, and prone to shed some tears from watching a scene in a movie or some ish like that period girl, so all this "bleeding" agressive, vindictive bitch energy I was supposedly giving him isn't even my style, maybe its some other woman he was with in the past or present, maybe he got us confused since we all / most of us are interchageable and seem to just be a scapegoat, anatomy to achieve sexual pleasure and / or a money / resource tree for him, and not necessarily a fully fleshed out human being, lol)

3232520E: "No dick"

ME: "For"

3232520E: "I was at the place"

ME: "Me to send it back to sony?

3232520E: " Considering what was my best option" (DEVIN ELTON THOMPSPON'S best option would have been to pay his rent instead of using the money to repair a video game console and trying to get me to pay for it as if he is not a grown ass 30 yr old man with an actual girlfriend in EL SALVADOR, that should be able to help him out if being claimed on Facebook, BTW, a girlfriend that he still at this point had no clue that I knew about and had known about for like a month before this exchange. I was waiting to see if he would tell me outright without me having to prompt it out of him or having to spill the tea myself.

I didn't care about the girlfriend because we were not exclusive and because of the non negotiables he told me about before he moved I never took our situation that seriously, I liked him but not enough to overlook the red flags / dealbreakers; I was just there to have fun and have an experience until I felt it was time to move on.

I only cared that he did not tell me like he stated he would. I approach each person I meet as an individual, if the energy matches my energy and you are cool, easy going like myself, and the energy seems to be positive and not negative then I will rock with you until you show me different.

I was willing to help him out still if he needed help with actual things like toothpaste, socks, etc but no money (basically all the basic toiletries and other basic needs shit I sent to him when he first moved because he appeared to have moved to EL SALVADOR, CENTRAL AMERICA with a wing and a prayer, the clothes on his back and maybe a toothbrush, lol; based on all the stuff he asked for, I purchased and mailed him).

If I could help without putting myself out on some friendship sh!t, like I rock with you because you are a human being that I like and we vibe I was willing to do it but since he was not talking about the things he claimed he was going to be honest about then I can't rock with you no more because you just don't respect me on a basic human level and I have no choice but to think that you are just using me.

I just wanted him to stand by his word and he did not and then tried to turn this whole thing around on me as if I owed him anything in life. I was not his mom, family member, his girlfriend, just some chick he got hooked up with through a mutual acquaintaince less than a year ago.

There must have been a number of people of higher priority level above me that could have helped him out in his time of need)

3232520E: "U calling me a liar" 3232520E: "I just fixed it while I was writing u telling u the cost to send it"

ME: "Ok"

3232520E: "I shouldn't have to explain myself any fucking way"

(DEVIN is asking me for money and claims he does not need to explain himself/ I'm sorry but the audacity of some of these mofos, no shame. In general, not even on some man / woman -ish, if someone asks for money there should be some kind of explanation involved, especially with the information I have in my back pocket.

I'm thinking to myself ask your 19 year old gf, don't ask me. If you are claiming you are in a relationship with someone they should have your back and maybe you don't have to explain yourself to them, idk)

3232520E: "U want to doubt me" 3232520E: "And be a biutch saying money is going to some other bitch" 3232520E: "And u wonder why we ain't in a cool place" 3232520E: "Are you fucking kidding me" 3232520E: "U think this is what I want or expect from someone who loves me" 3232520E: "Can't stop thinking about me" 3232520E: "U r the fucking liar not me"

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