#but i just be honest instead. and now i regret my honesty lol

[unqompleted]

Today I cried to this song because I just sold my HITC tix due to my mom threaten to kick me out of house if I still going to any concert

[kusagrasskusa]

Hanzo Hisashi X Innocent! Reader

Thank you EzraPFoxglove01for requesting this adorable thing! I sorta changed a lot you asked for by making it go into depth, and it ended up being the longest story I've ever written lol. So I'm definitely gonna add a shorter, more cutesy version of this story soon.

Change her outfit all you wish; it doesn't have a big part in the story at all. Though due to where she lives, it sorta makes sense for traditional Japanese wear to be her attire. And this is the kimono I have in mind, but change whatever :D To be honest, it makes sense to change the look to be more suitable for fighting while still maintaining an innocent, feminine character.

Word Count: 6733

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"Hay....ya!" A feminine voice yelled out as she kicked a large hole into a tree. She didn't really have an specific training area so she often kicked and punched holes into tough looking trees, which proven to be as affective as training dummies and whatnot. She pulled away from the tree with a large smile on her innocent features.

She held her arms up to her chest with clinched fists. "Alright! Just 113 more to go," she reminded herself as she prepared for another kick. Yet just before she kicked the tree, she heard rustling in the bushes surrounding her.

She paused and looked around her everywhere. The wind began to blow which made it hard to hear whoever or whatever move again as the wind blew the all the bushes. She made a pouty face and walked over to where she heard the noise the first time. She had a bag that wrapped around her colorful kimono that contained kunai knives, and she pulled one out just in case. To be honest, with her small, airhead, and pouty form, she was the least intimidating person most people could ever see. And her small, F/C kimono with cherry trees on it added onto it.

The wind slowed down for a second and in that time, rustling in the bushes was heard again, where it did last time. "Huh?" She hummed as she slowly and cautiously opened up the bushes. "W-Who's there!" She yelled nervously as she parted the bushes completely. "Ahhh!" She screamed as she stepped back, tripping on whatever she stepped on. A baby bunny jumped on top of her from the bushes, it's guinea pig looking face staring boldly at her. Fuck it was frightening for a bunny to withhold so much toughness and boldness.

She whined as she pulled the bunny of her, causing it to run away quickly. She stumbled to her feet, barely managing to maintain her own balance for a moment. She watched the bunny hop away into the forest as she calmed her nerves. Once it disappeared, she sighed and opened her bag to put away her knife. Yet the sound of a voice behind her caused her to throw it towards the voice with perfect aim and fast speed. Yet as she turned around, she saw her kunai knife had been frozen but it wasn't frozen quick enough to prevent the one and only Kuai Liang from behind cut a little.

"Good aim," the Sub Zero complimented in his deep and husky voice, a smirk on his face. He pulled the kunai from the ice prison it was it and tossed it towards Y/N. Y/N's innocent E/C eyes widened as she gasped.

"Liang!" She ran towards him to hug him– but no, we can't have that without her tripping halfway. "Oof!" She hit the ground hard and whined as she slowly stood back up. She had cut her face on a rock but that wasn't good enough for her to not want to hug him just as hard. So once she stood up, she lunged at him and hugged him so incredibly hard. "I missed you! How are you!"

Kuai chuckled as he softly wrapped his arms around her. "I see you haven't changed one bit, dear friend." It's true that the two of them are close friends; although they don't have any fundamental qualities in common, they managed to meet one day and their opposite personalities captured each other's interest. And so here they are, together after departed months back. Right after Sub Zero and others were free from Quan Chi, the two got close again and only had a couple weeks to get close again before Kuai had to leave. Finally, months later, they're together again!

"I've been just fine, L/N. How about yourself?" He asked as he pulled his arms down. As expected, Y/N didn't let go and continued to sway back and forth.

"Oh, I've been good! Sorta lonely, yeah but I met this one guy! He leads an entire clan that let me in!" Y/N sweet voice called out in reply, her eyes twinkling. "I don't see him often but we've been talking a lot more recently. He's really nice...like a big, strong, teddy bear, hehe," she giggled as her legs went limp. Kuai chuckled at her dramatic description and pat her head; pushing the person she's talking about to the back of his mind. She got back on her feet again and pulled away from him. "Sooooo...do you have any combat stories to share? An adventure?"

Kuai shook his head. "Unfortunately nothing to tell now, but soon," he spoke as he looked up at the bright blue sky. It was maybe 8 in the morning  at the time. Y/N held her arms in front of her as she swayed back and forth as her head tilted in confusion.

"Okay...Oh! There's flowers growing around here and I want you to see it. They're so pretty- and pink," She emphasized as she took Kuai's hand and pulled him to a nearby pond. The trees surrounding the pond were waves with red and pink flowers ground from them. It's hard to tell, but in the distant was a village. And jn that village was, drum roll please, Hanzo Hizashi himself. As the two friends spoke about the scenery, Hanzo had just gotten ready for a day of training.

As he stepped outside, he took a deep breath and examined the place surrounding him. The birds were singing, the soft winds brushing past the trees and plants, the warm sun and clear skies. The sound of children playing can be heard from the background. It was pure bliss really. Yet even so, he had an uneasy feeling wash over him. The feeling that there could possibly be an unwanted visitor.

Hanzo walked closed the door behind him and walked out. He took his time going from his home to a place a little outside of the village; a more personalized dojo. It contained dummies and targets designed for his spear and fire. The little dojo was little ways across a pond near the village so that's where he was headed.

"And that's why that's my favorite color," Y/N said as she finished her story. Kuai Liang, to be honest, wasn't paying attention to her at all and simply nodded. She smiled at his politeness to at least pretend to acknowledge what she's saying; Y/N knows she can get really immature sometimes and right now really isn't her best moment. "Eheh, so what do you want to do?"

Kuai looked over at her with a soft smile on his features. He really was such a peaceful man at heart. "I believe I saw a few rare ducks fly into the pond. Would you like to go see them?"

"You're not going anywhere."

Y/N sharply turned her head towards the pissed looking man walking towards the duo and gasped. She stood up, saying, "Kuai, this is the man that let me into his village! Hey Hanzo, this is Kuai‐"

"He already knows who I am," Kuai cut her off coldly and stood up. "Hanzo, I mean you no harm; had I known this was your territory, I would not have come." Hanzo pulled a sword from his back and held it up in a firey fists once he got close to them. Y/N stared idlely at them with growing anxiety. The two picked up on that quickly, making Kuai speak up again before Hanzo could. "The girl does not know of our rivalry. Don't punish her for my mistake, Hanzo‐"

"Do no speak to me like that. Leave at once!" Hanzo may be alive, but that doesn't mean he can't revert his voice back to his hellish Scorpion one. Kuai took a few steps back before turning around and disappearing. Hanzo and Y/N watched the whole way through in complete silence. Once Kuai was gone, they silence broke.

"I–"

"And you," Hanzo walked up to her and grabbed her by the collar of her shirt. "Exactly what made you think bringing a guest without permission was anywhere near exceptable? You endanger every one of us at this village that way." Y/N could feel his fire-hot breath against her as he spoke. A shiver fell down her spine as looked him right in the eye. She didn't respond, but rather bow her head. Hanzo scoffed, flames igniting from his fist that began to burn her clothes, making her whimper beneath him. She felt the flames heating up her neck, which made her whimper more as the pain wasn't something she was exposed to often. "Part of me wants to kill you right now. You are very lucky to have caught me in a better light."

Hanzo let go of her, stepping away. Y/N bowed her full body lowly, hands to her knees. "I'm deeply sorry sir, I really am. I promise I will never bring another guest again. I knew not of Kuai and your's relationship and if I had known when I met him in the woods a little bit ago, I would have got him to leave. It was foolish of me to have not stayed in the village and possibly risks a bloody situation. For that, I am sorry." As Y/N finished, she heard nothing but the sound of a sword being put away.

"As long as this never happens again, L/N," he spoke coldly. "I forgive you. You may continue what you were doing before he arrived here."

"Thank you so much, sir!" Y/N called out happily as she stood up straight with a smile on her face. "I promise you won't regret it!" Hanzo remained quiet and simply glanced down instead. A more calm and positive feeling took over his previous anger quickly, leaving behind a little bit of confusion. Y/N took a few steps back over to where that tree she was kicking earlier was before Hanzo spoke up again.

"I apologize for being so harsh, as well. You said you met you here; was this planned?" He asked her as he his fists were undone. Y/N shook her head when she turned back towards him. Hanzo examined her face for a moment before sighing, then a smile grew on his face. "Very well. I appreciate your honesty. Actually, would you care to join me for tea later? As leader of this clan, it feels right for me to know all my people, whether they are a weary traveler or blood."

"Of course I would," she said softly. "What time?"

"Tomorrow at dawn."

"So be it." And with that, Hanzo began to walk towards his dojo and Y/N walked towards her special tree. The two of them had that tea on their minds as they practiced whatever it is they were practicing. How would it turn out? Would Y/N innocent immaturity get her in trouble? Would Hanzo appear too serious? Will they make up and gain trust? Maybe something else? We'll see in the next paragraph.

Time flies by quickly when you're having a good time, and for Hanzo, he was quite happy about the thought of getting to know Y/N more. And also to learn more of her relations with Kuai. As for Y/N, she was nervous as all hell since she knows she can be a handful sometimes. To be honest, a simple deep breath was able to calm her down and bring the adult side out of her. So here she was now, looking at herself in the mirror of her guest cabin and taking deep breaths to calm her nerves.

"You got this Y/N," she told herself as she took her final deep breath. The kimono she was wearing was different as it was longer and above the wrists, meaning she was unmarried. It still had a pretty design on it, with the colors overall being F/C, pink, yellow, and blue. The had her H/C hair up in a bun with two strands falling over her shoulders. She had a pin that kept her hair up with a beautiful flower attached to it. To contribute to her Japanese asthetic, she had a folded fan that was black with red cherry trees designs in it in her hand.

She smiled at herself in the mirror one more time before she turned to face the door. She slid open the door to the guest home and put on her shoes before walking outside. She closed the door and prepared to head off the selected location. On the other hand, Hanzo was sure to be formal as well.

He wore a montsuki, which is a formal black kimono worn over a white under-kimono and hakama, which are traditional Japanese trousers. It was common for samurais to wear this underneath their armor, so it suited him well. After all, he was both ninja and samurai; he kept his hair in a man manbun as well. He was very good at maintaining a formal way of speaking and acting, yet he knew Y/N isn't all that. Someone as free spirited and naive really isn't all that capable of it, in his mind.

He was sitting down in a chabudai; one of those short legged tables that have cushions to sit on your knees on rather than to sit on chairs. At the moment, in another room of his lonely home, was a kettle that was boiling water. Authoress is not a Japanese fanatic who knows Japanese and is basing these designs of real Samurai and Wife dolls by their bed, I swear. It was perhaps halfway done by the time he heard a voice call from the outside of the front door; "Hello, it's Y/N. May I come in?"

Hanzo smiled softly to himself as he stood up and walked over to the door, sliding it open. To say he was shocked to see the free spirited girl in such a good-mannered attire was an understatement. "You look lovely tonight," he stated as he looked Y/N head to toe. On Y/N's side, she noticeably blushed and gave him a sweet look.

"You look lovely as well, truly."

Hanzo raised a brow and stepped aside for Y/N to step inside. And rather than her normal fast walk with swaying arms side to side, she slowly walked in with her hands held together in front of her. "I haven't yet seen this side of you, Miss L/N. I am a proper kind of person so don't think I won't hold it against you if you act unmannerly," he teased as Y/N giggled to herself and took her shoes off at the front door.

"I thought that maybe I should act a bit more, I guess, fancy in order to match you. As long as you don't believe in the whole women are beneath us bigger men and shouldn't talk unless spoken to thing, then this shouldn't be too hard, hehehe," Y/N said as she was lead to the chabudai by Hanzo. She sat down on her knees on side and he on the other.

"Of course I would not act on such a thing. We are all human with equal rights," Hanzo replied as he sat his hands in his lap. His looked down at Y/N'a hands, which were on the table, before shooting her a look that told her that she was doing something wrong. Y/N hummed in confusion before gasping lightly. She put her hands in her lap and smiled innocently, creating a chuckle from Hanzo.

Come to think of it, the hone hasn't yet been described. It's easy to imagine the paper and wood that made up the walls and doors, and the warm light that shun over the two people. The carvings on the wood above them and around them, the large pot with a bonsai in it in the corner of the room. The little wooden seats with drawers distilled in them built into the walls of the home. The wooden tables with traditional statues and little plants in pots across the home. The sword holder near the front door, the mats across the floor to give the unique taste. In the kitchen had built in furnaces where people would burn a fire in the wholes on the bottom and put cooking appliances and kyūsus on top of it. If you don't want to imagine that, here's something help.

"Have you ever studied Japanese arts? Surely you must have had some experience in a place like this, or perhaps a friend to lecture you on what to do," Hanzo explained his thought process as he looked interestingly at the smaller girl.

"Actually, I had Kuai teach me a lot about Chinese culture. But when I met a swordsman named Kenshi, I learned more of Japanese tradition. I may not be the best, but I tried to use my knowledge of both cultures to act as good as possible! Um, I mean," she paused as her face lit up red. "To act as good as possible." She but the inside of her lip nervously as she grew more and more embarrassed of her voice level as she spoke. Hanzo chuckled.

"I'm glad I invited you here. You are very knowledgeable it seems. Plus quite entertaining," he complimented. The kyūsu began to steam loudly, meaning it was finished. Hanzo glanced over to the kitchen.

"Heh, I wouldn't say knowledgeable," Y/N replied, "but thank you." Hanzo stood up, nodding his head towards her as he walked put of the room.

"I apologize but the tea must be attended to. I will be back in a few moments," Hanzo explained before he disappeared behind a wall. Y/N nodded in understandment and began to fight with her hair, kimono ends, fingers, and whatever else she could once he walked out. When Hanzo walked into the kitchen, he felt heat rise to his face. He leaned onto a little table with his hand on it to keep his steady and his other hand over his chest. Oh kami, he thought, she gets cuter each time I see her. Whether she's trying to be like me but failing miserably or being her bubbly self does not matter; she is perfect.

He did his best to calm his nerves before grabbing the kettle from the furnace and grabbing a kyūsu, an appliance for making tea, and slowly pouring hot water into it. He made a kind of sweet green tea, one that many foreigners don't know about, called Sencha. It has to be made with the coolest kind of hot water, basically, otherwise it will turn bitter. He made sure the watch it carefully for about half a minute before grabbing two cups and pouring the tea. He then picked up the two cups and headed back to the chabudai. Yet before he got to the room, he paused.

A feminine voice sung a soft song as she waited for Hanzo to return. Hanzo felt his cheeks heat up again and his chest felt warm. He could recall this feeling but from where he first felt it is unknown to him. The ready may be able to assume that he was thinking of his first love, his wife, and how he felt when he fell in love with her. But that idea hadn't even crossed his mind as he felt there was no way he could ever feel such an extreme emotion towards anyone else. And marriage isn't even a question since she isn't from the clan. He took a deep breath before walking back into the room.

Y/N stopped singing and she smiled widely as she saw him. "Hey Hanzo! Or, um, sorry, haha. The tea smells very nice," she complimented as she gripped the sides of the cup with her little fingers. Yeah, there was definitely a way he could feel such an extreme emotions towards anyone else. Hanzo sat down on his knees on the other side of her, mumbling a quick thank you to Y/N and a thank you to the Gods' gift of tonight. And in his mind, a thank you for what to him felt like a gift from the Gods' to end his grief from his early wife.

"Mm! This is really good!" Y/N gasped after tasting it. "This is the best tea I've ever had!" Her eyes were wide in awe and her expression showing her impressment. Hanzo chuckled at her adorable reaction as he took a sip of his wom drink. It's been maybe 8 minutes since Y/N got there and she already forgot to remain all traditional and civil. It was adorable to him; she was so precious really.

And throughout the night, the two of them talked and laughed and jokes and got close. They remained at the chabudai most of the night, aside from when Y/N asked for a tour. She adored the bonsais, scenery that can be seen from outside the window, paintings around the home, and everything. She was so naive but to Hanzo, that wasn't particularly a bad thing. It made her all the more fun to be around. And because of how great of a night they were having, they even agreed to meet up the next day.

"Excuse me, Miss Y/N," Hanzo said as he stood up from the chabudai. "I will be back in one moment. Please help yourself to more tea if you'd like."

"I will," Y/N responded sweetly. Oh, on a side note, Y/N completely forgot about the traditional thing completely so don't expect her to stay put in the few minutes Hanzo was gone. Actually, by the time Hanzo came back, Y/N had her head in her arms on the table her body slowly rising and falling with the rhythm of her breaths. Hanzo couldn't help but find himself smiling down at her. He got that warm feeling in his chest again though it was different this time. It wasn't as unfamiliar as before. He knew what it was; it was love slowly blossoming.

He sighed softly before picking up the sleeping girl's tired form and carrying her against his chest. She shifted a little bit in his grasp and ended up being hudled against him more, making that warn feeling in Hanzo's chest grow more. Such a sweet, innocent creature. He slid open his door and brought her back to her guest home, where he laid her in bed and brought her hair down from its updo in order for it to not be as bad of a mess tomorrow. He kissed her forehead and then left to sleep in his own bed until the next morning.

The next day was the same as the previous. And then the day after that, and the day after that day, and so forth. But one day was a particularly cold day and a cold blanket of snow began to cover the land. Y/N was at Hanzo's place, watching the snow fall through an open window with her E/C eyes wide in amazement at the beauty. Hanzo was standing behind her with two cups of tea in his hand.

"Would you care for a drink?" He asked, making Y/N turn around.

"Thank you, Hanzo!" She said as she took the drink from him and took a big sip. It tasted sweet, as it was the tea she had when she came over for the first time. "Say, I sorta wish we could have gone outside today. I noticed that you like to fight in that place by the pond a lot; which is really great to watch! You're so strong, hehe. But you've never actually seen me fight before," she explained right before she took a sip of tea. "Y'know, I'm painfully aware that people view me as an immature, innocent, naive girl who isn't the most aware of her surroundings. But I think you'll be impressed to see what I can do," she said confidently as she hummed.

Hanzo took a sip from his tea and nodded. "Perhaps. When it gets warmer out, I'd love to watch what you can do," he replied with an extra caring tone with his voice. He caught onto his tone quickly and blushed a little bit. "But there is something we can do outside," he started.

"What is it?" Y/N asked, standing up.

"Well, there's a hotspring nearby. We can swim in there if you'd like. However be sure to dress in something not too revealing if you would like to."

"There is? I'd love to!" She exclaimed as she bounced up and down. "I'll dmgi get dressed now," she eagered on as she put her shoes back on before leaving. Hanzo grabbed her up of tea and brought it to the kitchen. It's a shape it would go to waste, but he can always make more. He returned to his bedroom to grab something to put on while swimming but please, just imagine what he'd wear to swim. Traditional swimwear is too nasty to be used in this book, but swimming trunks are too modern. As for Y/N, considering she never had a particular home or culture, it made sense for her to just wear a full body suit she could have gotten from anywhere in Earthrealm.

Of course, the both of them were sure to bathe before hopping into the hot spring. Well, Hanzo slowly got in whereas Y/N jumped in without any care. It was warm, shocker there.

"Ahh...Thank the Elder Gods for getting me here before I froze to death," Y/N shuddered as chills ran up her spine. Though those chills were disappearing as the warmth of the hot spring washer over her soon enough. Hanzo rested his body against the large rocks around the hot spring and found a seat-like area. Y/N swam around happily and sung to herself.

Oh, one thing worth mentioning for the sake of the next paragraph is that Y/N had a necklace around her neck. Hanzo had never noticed it before as it was always under her kimono or shirt. However that necklace had a great significance go it; she was told that with that necklace, she would be able to find her parents who seemed to have lost her at birth. That necklace was the only thing that remained of them and hopefully destiny was kind enough to help her find her parents.

"Kyaa–" shrieked as a splashing sound was heard. Hanzo stopped daydreaming and looked over at Y/N, who's hair covered he face and arm frantically tried to keep her body floating. She quickly pushed her hair out of her face and whined over and over again worried. Hanzo instinctively swam over there as fast as possible, grabbing ahold of her gently yet sturdy. "Where is it!" She cried out, feeling her body and looking around the waters.

"Where is what?" Hanzo asked in his husky voice that was now in a confused tone.

"My necklace! I can't find my necklace!" She replied worriedly, tears swelling in her eyes. Hanzo looked at the tears forming and felt his whole body shiver woman's his heart drop. "I can't see it anywhere!" Hanzo began to swim towards the rock formation he was against earlier, making Y/N cry out, "wait!"

"Y/N," Hanzo sternly spoke. "I will find your necklace and return it. Worry not, please, dear friend," he reassured, taking her hand in his. She shook nervously and wiped her tears. Slowly, she nodded which told Hanzo he could swim away now. And so he did; he headed towards the stop where she cried out and with one deep breath, he went underwater. He had to hold his nose for warm waters were very dangerous to go under as dangerous fungi grow in hot waters. Yet even so, he swam to the bottom of the hot spring using one hand to stir around to look for the necklace.

Y/N waited on the rocks, sniffing and whimpering. She hasn't told Hanzo the origin of the necklace, but he could tell it was important to her. When she was little, she was handed the necklace and was told it would help her find her missing mother as long as she stayed pure. What that means is that Y/N had to remain free from murder, theft, and other ways of sin. Not only that, but she could not ever preform certain adult actions as then she would never find her parents (I say that because Y/N never had a parent figure to teach her what nono stuff is), which is her number one goal in life. She grew up going from city to city, state to state, country to country, and even had been in Outworld before. She grew up with so many cultures and had never found someone that was like her in any way. It felt like she didn't have an identity as she had nothing to trace her orgins to.

Splash! Hanzo took a deep breath of air as he finally reached the surface again, with a silver necklace with a S/F/C gem inside it that's carved to show an unknown design. "Is this your necklace?" He asked as he held it up. Y/N gasped, lunging back into the water and swimming towards Hanzo. Once she got up to him, she wrapped her arms around his muscular figure and cried.

"You found it! Thank you so much!" She cried out happily, pressing her body against him. Hanzo blushed at the sudden affection and slipped the necklace back onto her. He adjusted the back of of it so it wouldn't fall off her so easily again. "I love Hanzo... You're the best friend I've ever had... I really mean it," she whimpered out. Hanzo began to swim towards the rock formation again and once he did, Y/N let go of him.

"I appreciate it, Y/N. I love you as well, you're the closest friend I've ever had," he said back to her with a warm smile on his features. Y/N smiled back at him before examining her unharmed necklace.

"Hmm... Ever since I could remember, I would move from every country in the world to another. I've been to Paris, Beijing, New York, London, Los Angeles, a few different places in Mexico and Colombia, Holland, Tokyo, Osaka, and many more. I was carried from place to place by various of adoptive mothers, and each of them left a bit of their culture and identity with me by the time I left.

"But I had one that was a fortune teller and psychic. She was incapable kf having kids and didn't want to go through the trouble of raising one, so she took me, an 11 year old girl. She gasped when she saw me and took me in immediately. Before I left her, she gave me this necklace. "Y/N," she said, "you have the potential to see your real parents again. Train, grow stronger, read, grow smarter, listen, grow wiser. Stray away from the evil in the world and remain pure from your soul to your body. This is how you'll find your mother.""

Y/N paused and looked up at the larger male. He seemed intrigued with her story and made sure to listen carefully to her every word. So she continued, "as I grew older and began to travel on my own, I thought of her words every single hour of every day. I had no reason to live as I ever did was travel and meet new people, only to leave and never see them again. Just knowing who I really was became my only reason for existing. To this day, I bet the relief of meeting my real mom will feel like being deaf and hearing music, or being blind and seeing color, or being able to walk again after being paralyzed. But now," she paused.

Y/N smiled and looked up at Hanzo. "It's strange to feel so in place, so correct. I-I know I never felt this way about any place before! But I really think that as long as you're around, my chances of meeting my mom are good! Just being with you gives me hope for the next day, truly. It's like being with you is my reason to exist."

Hanzo closed his eyes and smiled back at her. He wrapped his arms around and embraced her warmly, his head being filled with nothing but pure bliss. Y/N hugged back tightly, feeling just as happy as he is right now.

And just as soon as it came, the day was over and the two had to return home and sleep. But this particular night, their dreams were better than usual. And two days later, the snow had cleared up and the ground was dry! That meant Y/N could go train today! Unfortunately, with her absent-mindedness, she forgot she wanted Hanzo to watch her so she remained in private as she kicked thicc ass trees down in two strong kicks and crushed stones into bits by simply punching it once.

"Hai...ya!" She called out as she forcefully brought her first to a stone celler that was abandoned randomly in the woods. But hey, no one was using it, so who's gonna cry about it being broken? The impact of her punch brought a giant circular impact onto the wall, and bits and pieces of it fell down. "Hehehe! 22 more to go!" She thought out loud as she pulled her fist back again. She wasn't alone in these woods, no, as there was a particular ninja/samurai person thing, idk, watching from the nearby bush. Not to be creepy of course! He was on his way to his dojo but heard noises, and discovered it was her after checking it out.

And d a m n. If Y/N saw his shocked face the first time he saw her punch the wall with that much force and endurance, she would laugh and tease him about it for a long time. He didn't expect her to be so quick in her movements and to cause such force. Like, a short little bebe in a pink, cutesy kimono with cherry blossoms being able to cause a fucking massacre to the wall? How could you blame him?

"Hmm... that reminds me!" Y/N exclaimed as she spun around to look at Hanzo. "I told you that you should watch me train! Is that what you were doing?"

Hanzo blushed heavily and was unfortunately incapable of hiding it in the direct daylight. "Indeed, Y/N. This is truly a wonderful sight to see," he replied as he looked away for a moment. Y/N gasped and ran towards him. He took a few steps back when he noticed how close she gotten, which caused him to get a little bit more flustered.

"You're sick? You're face is all red, Y/N whined as she pulled Hanzo closer. "You should be inside, mister, getting better! Not out here watching me fight when it's colder out here! Let's go bring you inside," he said as she grabbed his muscular arm and held it close. She turned towards the village of the Shirai Ryu and began walking towards it, pulling Hanzo along. How bold.

Hanzo but his bottom lightly and remained as flustered as before. "There really is no need, Y/N," he replied back.

"You're being quite irresponsible for a ninja, y'know," Y/N replied as she continued to walk him home. Hanzo sighed and just let her pull him along. He knew she would question him if he told her he wasn't sick so he choose into except it.

"Thank you for your concern," he replied lowly. Y/N giggled proudly and nodded.

"The best for you!" They arrived to the pathways of the village and began their walk. There was a few pedestrians walking by, including a dad and daughter and a separate woman. "I'll make you some tea and you can go to bed, okay?" Hanzo nodded, smirking to himself about how funny the situation really is.

"How caring," Hanzo spoke as they arrived at his home. The got inside and took their shoes off at the front door.

"Of course," she replied before heading towards the kitchen to make tea. Hanzo wasn't sick but he's been tired lately and what's wrong with sleeping in for one day? When he got the tea, it no doubt tasted way too bitter as Y/N doesn't really know what she's doing to be honest. But hey, it's the thought that counts.

Hanzo lied in bed, with an empty cup by his side and an small girl on the other. She sat on the bed, talking to him quietly about a bunch of random things until she said something strange. "To be honest, I know this is weird, but it almost feels like we're married sometimes. I mean, we're together all the time and have a very close friendship. You let me drag you in here and give you bitter tea even though you didn't want to. That's really nice, hehe," she giggled as she looked over at Hanzo. Her eyes shun something different from simply joy this time. Instead, it showed rather care. And potentially something more.

Hanzo felt a shiver go down his spine as he looked deep into Y/N's eyes. Emhe had to examine them to ensure that he wasn't just crazy or actually sick, but no, it looked like she really did care about him more than a friend. After all these months, it was officially, wasn't it? It was mutual. Hanzo smiled as he sat up on the bed. Y/N's cheeks lit up a little bit as he stared down at her with that look.

"Sometimes it really does feel like that, does it not? I can see as a good pair to be truthful. What about you?" Hanzo asked softly. Y/N cheeks flushed pink and her expression softened.

"I agree, definitely. I mean, how can I not, heh heh. You've been there from the very beginning and I've always seen you as this big, strong teddy bear of sorta. So sweet, so nice, so caring," she replied. Hanzo leaned in, making Y/N want to lean in too. And slowly, the pair came together and finally...they kissed. It was soft, tender, and it felt like it was meant to happen. Y/N's face turned red and Hanzo's tense emotions he felt disappeared immediately.

Heh, you know what? To be honest, they lady next door was known to be crazy about losing her baby girl a very long time ago. They had matching necklaces that were bought from a village far away from their's years ago when the Shirai Ryu was attacked by Quan Chi's forces. She escaped and went into hiding, and then found a man to marry to. Her child was named Y/N L/N, and whether she's not fully Japanese or fully related into the Japanese clan, she is blood and therefore she is capable of being the love of Hanzo Hisashi. Maybe the two of them will meet some day, huh?

[eleanorbloom]

Skeptical (w/ Tobias Carrick)

Book: OH: TY. Characters: Eleanor Bloom (MC), Tobias Carrick, Aurora Emery, and Bryce Lahela (briefly). Summary: Eleanor confronts Tobias about Aurora. Rewrite of Book 3, Ch. 9.

Word Count: 2.1k Rate/Warnings: Teen, few curse words.

A/N: Hello! I'm bringing something different than usual. PB has been doing like Tobias never used Aurora, like he never hurt my friend (and LI too) and personally, I can't stand it. So here's my take about it. I wrote it with Eleanor instead of Rosalía because in Rosalía's universe Aurora never tranfers to Mass Kenmore.

Hope you like it!

Taglist: @romereadingshop @starrystarrytrouble @penda-bear @queenelianar @julia-highstorms @mercury84choices @openheartfanfics @choicesficwriterscreations I'm using my Aurora x Rosalía taglist because I thought you might be interested in reading this. Feel free to ignore it if only want to read romance lol

_________

Eleanor furrowed her lips as she was listening to Tobias telling his side of the story with Ethan.

When Tobias joined the Diagnostic Team, she was very dubious about everything that involved him. She didn't know him enough but the few things she knew about weren't good.

His blatant competitive attitude, the feud with Ethan, the fact that he was hired by Leland without consulting Ethan. All those signs telling her she shouldn’t trust Tobias.

But once she got to know him better, her image of him started to change. He wasn't the insufferable he was the first day, he was actually charismatic and rather funny. Easy going once she knew him past his competitive attitude, and she had learned a lot with him even if Tobias wasn't the type of Doctor she would normally admire. His values were totally opposed to hers, as she learned with Francis' case.

But still, something was stopping her from actually trusting him.

She did believe he was sorry for the stupid, childish attitude he had with Ethan, and seemed to be acting according to that, trying to make up for his mistakes.

He deserved a second chance.

But her skepticism had nothing to do with the Diagnostics Team or Ethan.

It was about Aurora.

“What is it? You don't believe me?” Tobias asked when Eleanor hadn't said a word since he finished his story. Trying to hide his concern, he gave her a mischievous smirk.

Eleanor didn’t know what to say.

It was hard to believe he wasn’t the same person who sabotaged his own friend when last year he used a person to get what he wanted. He hired Aurora to entice Harper to work in Mass Kenmore.

He hurt her friend, even unknowingly. And Eleanor couldn’t forget that or just get past that.

“Why do you say that?” Eleanor asked, trying to conceal her skepticism, but there was no use. She had always been too transparent with her emotions, and this time wouldn't be the exception.

“Well, you don’t look too convinced with what I told you.”

He was right. She wasn’t.

Eleanor sighed. Should she tell him? It wasn't her problem to tell, it was Aurora's, and knowing her, she would never confront Tobias about it. She barely had confronted her Aunt because they were family, but in no way she would face the umpteenth person that used her to get to Harper Emery.

“Come on, we're among friends here. I confided in you really top secret stuff, Elle.”

Eleanor grimaced at the sound of that name on his lips.

"I prefer Ellie if you don't mind. The only person that calls me Elle is my partner."

Tobias' hazel eyes widened in surprise for a brief second, “Sure, sure, my bad. Ellie it is.”

Eleanor nodded.

“So? Come on, be honest. I won’t get mad at you because you can’t believe I wanna mend up things with Ethan.”

“It’s not that. This is not about Ethan.”

“Then what is this about?”

Eleanor pondered her words. What was the best way to approach this?

“I believe you regret what you did to Ethan, but it's hard to tell you have changed since that.”

His brows knitted in curiosity, but for a brief second, embarrassment flashed features, “Okay, that's fair. Can I ask what makes you believe that?”

Eleanor wasn't particularly a confrontational person. Only when a person pressed her buttons she would actually confront that said person. And Tobias hadn't pressed any buttons, but the chance that they would have this kind of conversation in the future was extremely low. And she really needed to tell him that, in order to have a more amicable relationship with him.

“The fact that you used a person to get what you want.”

Tobias frowned, “Eleanor, what are you talking about?”

He was incredulous. And oblivious. Apparently, he had no idea where she was going with that accusation.

“You used Aurora to get Harper to work in Mass Kenmore,” Eleanor said, and Tobias' face disfigured instantly, “You didn't hire Aurora because she was a good doctor, but because she was Harper Emery's niece.”

“How did you know?”

“When you went to pick up some stuff after the Solomon Kenmore partnership, Aurora and I heard the discussion you had with Harper.”

Tobias winced in earnest regret.

"You seem like a decent person now that I know you, but even if your mistake with Ethan was years ago, what you did with Aurora is as much condemnable as what you did to him, and this happened just last year."

As Tobias remained silent, she continued.

“That's why I can't believe you. I just… can't stand people who use other people. And it's worse if you used my friend.”

“You're right,” it was the only thing he could say.

“Do you have any idea what is like living under the shadow of Harper Emery?” Now that she had opened her mouth, she couldn't stop. “Aurora has struggled her whole life with that, and transfer to Mass Kenmore was the opportunity to escape that. She deserves the spotlight, that people value her for her work, for her brilliance, and not for her family name. But it turned out, it wasn't because you believed she was good. You actually didn't give a fuck about her as long as you get what you wanted.”

Tobias gave her a pained look, “Aurora is a brilliant doctor, an outstanding resident. It didn't take her long to become the best resident in Mass Ken, and I know she'll achieve great things after finishing her residency.”

“But you found out that after. You only saw her as your mean to get Harper. And that's wrong. I'm sorry, but I can't act like this never happened. You used my friend, you made her doubt about her worth. I can't forget that.”

“You're right, Eleanor. But she should've never found out...”

“That's not the point! Or it is, actually. You did it knowing it was wrong. It doesn't matter if she finds out or not. You used a person and that was wrong. And if you're really trying to grow up from that 'blatant competitive' attitude, the first thing you should stop doing is using people.”

Tobias averted her eyes for a few moments, processing her words, concealing the shame.

He never thought their conversation would turn out like this.

“Well, what can I say? You're right in feeling that way about me, Eleanor, so I won't try to change your mind when it's clear that the wrong is on me. ”

“I've been very tempted to like you, but I can't like the person who hurt my friend. Hypocrisy doesn't work for me.”

Tobias shook his head, amazed, “You're something else, Eleanor. I wish I was lucky enough to have a friend like you, firm in your values and loyal.”

"You were lucky enough to have it, Tobias, but you betrayed him. Ethan is a loyal friend, and true to his values to a fault. And probably you know that better than me."

Tobias gave her a sad smile. Eleanor could swear there was melancholy in his eyes.

“Thank you for your honesty, Eleanor. I really appreciate that. I'm gonna learn a lot with you.”

Eleanor blushed, incredulous. He was being sincere or he was just schmoozing?

Only time would tell.

*

The cafeteria was quiet at that time of the night. Perfect place to study. Bryce had been interrogating Eleanor for the past thirty minutes in his interest to help her study for the boards, making knowledge questions as well as practical cases he had found on the web.

"Okay, we have this 2-year-old boy, his mother found him unconscious…" He started reading on Eleanor's tablet, but suddenly stopped as he saw Aurora approaching their table, "Hey Aurora! Coming to join the midnight study session?"

“No, thanks, Bryce,” Aurora replied, giving him a tiny smile, “Would you mind…? I need to speak to Eleanor. ”

Bryce looked from Eleanor to Aurora for a second and then nodded, “Oh, sure! She's all yours. Well, to speak to her she's all yours, we all know she's mine.”

“Oh my god, Goldie, just go!” Eleanor giggled, tilting her head as Bryce was leaning to kiss her.

“Text me if you need anything, okay?”

“I will, thank you, love.”

Once Bryce was out of sight, Eleanor turned to face Aurora, who was sitting across her with a serious expression on her face, “You wanted to talk?”

“Yes.”

Aurora sighed, and after several seconds of silence, she finally spoke, “Tobias talked to me yesterday.”

Oh fuck.

Eleanor never thought Tobias would speak to Aurora about what happened in Grace's apartment, several days ago now.

“Okay…”

“He apologized for what happened with Aunt Harper. For hiring me knowing I was her niece. He was also sorry I had found out.”

Eleanor nodded, feeling a pang of fear inside her.

“At first, I was so mad at you, Eleanor. So mad. Because you had no right to tell Tobias how I felt. That I knew the truth. It was something deeply personal.”

“I know, I know, and I'm… ”

“Let me finish, Eleanor.”

Eleanor, completely pale, shut her mouth and made a gesture with her hand as if she was fastening her mouth like a zipper.

“I was mad because I would never recognize in front of him how bad it hurt me his… scheme. That's why I never confronted in the first place.”

Aurora looked down at her hands, as if she was focusing on reliving those feelings.

Eleanor was rigid and terrified. She had betrayed her trust and who knew how much time it would take her to be forgiven for that, considering the story they had.

"But after a while I realized … I never knew how much I needed an apology until it happened."

Eleanor looked at Aurora, agape.

"Tobias told me he would've never realized how wrong was that if you hadn't told him. And when he thought about the pain he might have caused, he regretted doing it. He was sorry he made me believe I was just Harper Emery's niece when I'm much more than that."

Eleanor shook her head, regret washing over her features.

“Aurora I'm truly sorry for what I did. I knew at that moment it wasn't my business to tell him what had happened, but I couldn't act like everything was fine with him. He needed to face what was wrong, but it wasn't my call, it was yours.”

“Yeah, but I would've never taken it, and you knew it. I would've never done it because I thought the only thing I needed was to get over it, and forgive myself for stupidly falling for his lie.”

Aurora bit her lip before giving Eleanor a humorless smile, “But it turns out I shouldn't be blaming myself for something I didn't do. He was the one who used me, it was his fault, not mine. So when he apologized, I realized that. And that would've happened if you hadn't intervened.”

“Aurora…”

“I've spent my whole life blaming myself for trusting people who used me, but I've never been the problem. They are. People have never cared. Never cared to sincerely befriend me and never cared to apologize when they used me. So when Tobias apologized… it felt so good, because it let me stop blaming myself for that. It's not my fault.”

“Of course not, Aurora. It's their fault. It's their fault not being able to see the amazing person you are, the brilliant doctor you are, and all the incredible things you can do and give. So fuck them. ”

Aurora chuckled, "Fuck them. Except for Tobias. He looked really sorry for what he did so maybe there's a chance for him in the end."

“Yeah. He's not that bad. But I couldn't let myself like him when he had been an ass with you. ”

“Thank you for calling him out, and for defending me. Though I beg you to please don't this again. At least talk to me before going in the whole protective mode, okay?”

Eleanor took Aurora's hands in hers, and gave her the first genuine smile of the night, bright and wide, “I promise.”

“Good, now let's call Bryce to resume your study session with a little friendly competition.”

“Oh? Competing against Aurora Emery again? You're on!”

_____

Thank you so much for reading!!!

[crystaljins]

River lead me home | 04

Characters: Kim Seokjin x reader

Word count: 8.6 k

Synopsis:  Ever since coming to the human realm when you were child, nothing seems to fit, and this was just supposed to be a simple roadtrip to help you find yourself.

Is that too much to ask for?

Spin-off to A long journey home

Rating: Teens

Genre: Adventure, fluff, angst

Notes: Omg I actually forgot twice in a row to post this LOL. It’s getting posted now at least!! I feel like I’ve had the sort of week where I’m extra tired. Idk.

Anyway I’ve been writing these HP prompts people sent in recently and I’m having so much fun! If you’re someone who sent it in, I promise I got your prompt! I’m just slowly but surely making my way through!!

Tags: @blue1928​

Masterlist

1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 FINAL

It’s clear that you’re on your best behaviour after Jin agrees to travel with you. 

After your detour to rescue Jin, the river is now a seven day walk away. A few days’ worth of hiking will take the three of you to a village on the outskirts of the forest, where you will be able to purchase a second bedroll and more food and water supplies. After that, it is a steady trek past the Mountains of Delaria, at the foot of which you will be able to see the radiant night sky, clearer than in any other part of the realm. Following that, it is a hike through the murky swamplands, and then finally once the three of you cross the golden plains, which grow many unique species of metallic flora, you will finally reach the edge of the river. 

One would think that you’d be excited to be on such a journey, especially given the motives that went into going on it in the first place, but instead you are intent on making Jin feel like you’re an overbearing bodyguard instead of his friend. He feels like at any moment in time you are one leaf crackle away from pulling out a broomstick and sweeping a clear path through the forest for him to walk down. You flinch at the slightest thing- a bug lands on him and you feel the need to do a full body check for injuries. A twig pokes him and you’re ready to pull out a flame thrower. It’s clear you’re on some kind of self-assigned mission.

And it’s sweet, it is. If he stops and thinks about it, you’re obviously trying to make up for past transgressions. It’s nice, to know that you value him enough that his harsh words are motivation to treat him better rather than just cutting him out of your life. 

But. For goodness’ sake. It’s getting to be a little out of hand. 

“You’re shivering.” Jin groans, his voice raspy with sleep. You turn your head from where you are huddled at the base of a tree to where Jin has raised his head from his lying position to glare at you. He’d only been joking when he agreed to take your bedroll, but you’d insisted. And now it’s been a few hours and it’s not like he can get a wink of sleep with you shivering from cold a few metres away.

“I’m not.” You insist through chattering teeth, even as you hug your knees closer to your chest and release an indignant exhale that puffs against the cold air in a cloud. Jungkook, who is sound asleep in the pocket of your jacket, releases a loud snore. Jin groans and sits up, swaddled warmly in your bedroll. 

“I told you to take the bedroll!” He snaps. He doesn’t mean to be quite so harsh in his tone, and he instantly regrets it when you cower like a scolded puppy. It’s too reminiscent of times past. He always makes you flinch away when he’s just trying to make you understand. Why he’s worried. Why the things you do are reckless. What it means to the people who love you were they to lose you. But he can’t seem to separate the fear and anger that comes with that sentiment and what has resulted is you constantly thinking he hates you. Which isn’t true! He’s not mad and he doesn’t hate you... he just feels bad. And in all honesty... You can’t honestly expect him to sleep peacefully when he knows you’re miserable, can you?

“You said you wouldn’t sleep on the forest floor and I don’t have enough money for that inn we passed.” You mumble. You’re no weakling. You had promised yourself this was going to be the best trip of Jin’s life and so that’s what it’s going to be. You weren’t about to make him sleep in the cold when you’d dragged him to this realm against his will in the first place. Jin is silent for a moment, scrubbing a hand over his face. 

“I didn’t want you to give up your bedroll. I thought you were only joking when you said that.” He mumbles, shuffling closer. He stares at you for a long moment. He’s been procrastinating bringing this up with you all day because honestly, he feels awkward and he doesn’t know where he stands with you. Everything is weird and messed up- there’s so much history and hard feelings between the two of you, but at the same time you both care too much to give up. What has resulted is this weird limbo where the two of you are walking on eggshells around each other. But he doesn’t think he can last another moment of your overbearing actions, let alone another few weeks.

“Listen, (Y/N), I get that you want me to have a good time on this trip. I do. But really, you don’t have to try so hard. I actually would not enjoy it if you froze to death when there’s a perfectly good bedroll for you to use right here.” You bite your lip and stare at Jin. His hair is messy, and his eyes are squinted from sleep. He’s rolled up in your bedroll like a burrito and he looks comfortable and warm. You’re struck by the thought that it would be nice to curl up beside him, but you push the thought down as quickly as it arrives- you’re good at pushing away those kind of intrusive thoughts.

It’s difficult to articulate the feelings that have you on edge, but they largely come down to this: You don’t want Jin to keep seeing you as a burden. It’s not like it’s new news- a certain incident in highschool springs to mind- but it’s never occurred to you until his outburst just how frustrated he is by your relationship. But now that you know, you cannot bear the thought. The bruises and swelling have long vanished. Those are the last remnants of the attack on him by the Saishtas, but though they are almost gone, every now and then you see him stretch his shoulder in discomfort and you are reminded anew; to Jin, you are a pain. An inconvenience. An unwanted responsibility.

“I know.” You finally say. “But I really, really want you to have a good time. I don’t want you to keep thinking of me as this annoying brat you have to look after all the time.”

That’s why you asked him to come with you to see the river. You want to prove to him on this trip that he doesn’t have to constantly be responsible for you. You’re not an untrained puppy. And, if you’re being really honest, you want to go back. To the times before things got messed up between the two of you. Back to when you were kids and your biggest concern was what bugs you would catch at the river near your village or who could climb to the treetops faster. You just... you keep remembering his face, the night your mother announced her engagement, and his words won’t stop playing on repeat in your head. “I’ve let you step all over me our whole lives”, he had said. You... don’t want to be that person to him. Not anymore. 

Jin feels guilt eat at him when your brow furrows. It’s clear that his earlier words to you at the portal are affecting you profoundly. Which had never been his intention- he had been hurt and confused and had lashed out. He doesn’t actually think you’re selfish and immature. You have your moments, for sure, and he’s not about to go singing your praises off roof tops any time soon, but the level of guilt and self-loathing you are experiencing in response to his earlier outburst is more than he intended. 

You flinch when you feel pressure at the space between your brows. Jin is pressing his index finger into the crease that has formed there in your moping.

“Relax.” He sighs. “You know we could have just shared?”

He unzips the sleeping bag and spreads it and shuffles forward until he can spread it over the two of you like a blanket. He leans against the tree trunk you rest against as well. You find yourself huddling in closer to him, just on instinct, because as embarrassing as it is to admit to yourself, you’re freezing. And Jin’s body heat feels like the inside of a toaster.

Jin clears his throat awkwardly. He hadn’t expected you to cave quite so easily and curl into him like that. A peaceful moment of silence lingers in the air, however, until he breaks it.

“(Y/N).” He says slowly. “I know things have been awkward between us, and I know that over the past few days we’ve said a lot of things to each other, but I want you to know you don’t have to try so hard.” 

“I do.” You insist. “Jin... every word you said about me earlier was true. I’ve been so selfish, and immature and you’re the one who’s had to suffer because of that.”

Jin chews at the inside of his cheek for a moment, before dropping his gaze. 

“I was wrong to say those things.” He finally says. “You can be immature and selfish sometimes, but I shouldn’t have said it like that. And I shouldn’t have said those things about your father. I know... I know you’re trying, (Y/N). And it probably seems like I’m really harsh on you and only seem to nag you all the time, but that’s because I know you’re so much more than what you let yourself be. So please. Just relax, and be yourself. I’ve known with you my whole life- I don’t want a personality transplant.”

When he finally gathers the courage to look at you again, you are gazing up at him with round, watery eyes. The look in your eyes is a little overwhelming. It’s the same look you always give him; like he’s a hero, who can only do right. He bites his lip- there it is again. That urge, to live up to the image he knows you have of him in your head. 

“I never thanked you, you know.” He says suddenly, changing the subject in an attempt to overcome that urge. You merely continue to gaze up at him. Jin is always handsome in a way that is otherworldly, but up close he’s simply overwhelming. You can just barely make out his face, but even in the meagre light, your heart still does a weird pulse against your ribs when you meet his dark eyes.

“For what?” You finally say, and it’s a struggle for you to keep your voice even under the weight of his gaze. He shrugs and smiles, pulling you in close enough that you have to shift to avoid crushing Jungkook in your pocket. 

“For saving me.” He says. “I think I was too shocked earlier to say it, but I really thought I was going to die back there. So, thank you.” 

“You were in trouble because of me.” You point out. “It wasn’t bravery. If anything had happened to you, it would have been my fault.” 

Jin nods, pressing his lips together awkwardly. He doesn’t know what he can say to convince you otherwise, so he forgoes giving you an answer. Instead, he reaches his hand up to press against the side of your head until you are forced to rest lay your head down against his shoulder. 

“Go to sleep, (Y/N).” He whispers. “We’ve got a long journey ahead of us.” 

He feels your body relax beside him, and your head sinks against him. He cannot resist the smile that slides onto his face, and he turns his head away, lest you look up and see it. He’s missed moments like these. They are few and far between, especially as of late since you’ve been avoiding him more and more. In the silence that follows, he thinks you may have finally fallen asleep, but then you break it.

“Jin.” You say softly. The words are hardly more than a whisper, almost lost in the exhale of your breath. If he weren’t a guardian with enhanced hearing, he surely would have missed them. 

“Yeah?” He asks, allowing his head to drop so that it rests against the crown of your head. Tomorrow he will wake up with a kink in his neck, but it’s almost worth it.

“I’ve been avoiding you.” The confession holds a lot of weight for you. For just yesterday, you had had every intention of letting Jin fade from your life. Of letting your insecurities and sense of inferiority guide you. You had hated him, the way he made you feel, the way that you could never be around him without remembering all the ways in which you did not and could not measure up to him and the kind of people he liked to keep company with. But at the same time... you cannot hate him. You want to despise him, to let the feelings of jealousy and misery consume you, to continue to mope if your pity party, but this is Jin. The person who has been there for you in your darkest moments even if he did not want to be. The man who could not leave you, even when he should have. The man who had cradled you like you were something precious as you fell through into this realm.

“I know.” He sighs, turning his head away to gaze up at the fractured glimpses of the stars above. “I was letting you.” He confesses right back to you. The words hover between you and it forces you to confront how messed up the relationship has become between you. If you continue to do nothing about it, you really will lose him. 

But you don’t want that to happen. You know that now, after everything the two of you have endured together. You want him in your life. And it’s not too late to fix it all. You really, truly believe that.

“But I don’t want to avoid you anymore.” You announce, and Jin snorts. 

“I figured, since you pretty much begged me to spend the next two weeks with you and the fruit fly.” He observes, and you smile and look away. “Now go to sleep. We have nearly two weeks of hiking ahead of us and I have every intention of making you carry me if my feet hurt.” He sniffs. You can’t resist one last parting shot before allowing yourself to drift off, however. 

“Thank you.” You call softly, right when he thinks you’ve fallen asleep. He stirs slightly and glances down at you in surprise. You shift and peer up at him with sleepy but warm eyes.  And something about the look makes his throat feel tight and the tips of his ears feel hot and he is once again struck by the thought that you suddenly don’t look like the annoying little girl that he’s known all his life. 

Sleep doesn’t come easy to him that night. He’s not really sure why, other than the fact that he feels strangely aware of the way the warmth of your body spreads to his beneath the cover of the bed roll, and the way your shoulders rise and fall in steady comforting breaths. It must eventually lull him to sleep, however, for when he rouses, you are still fast asleep, but Jungkook peers at him with amusement from his position on Jin’s outstretched knee. Jungkook lies flat on his stomach which his legs kicked up in the air like he is a young girl at a sleepover about to spill the secrets of her latest crush to her friends. 

The pleased, almost catlike smile Jungkook gives as he rests his chin in his hands and kicks his legs back and forth has Jin instantly on his guard. He and the oversized mosquito don’t get along at the best of times, and Jin knows Jungkook well enough to discern that a look like that on the pesky pixie’s face only spells trouble for Jin. 

“So...” Jungkook begins, drawing out the “so” for an obnoxiously long amount of time. Beside him, you still snooze peacefully, unaware of the trouble that is about to unfold. Jin shifts slightly so that he is in prime position to glare at Jungkook with full power, taking care not to jostle your head where it rests against his shoulder. 

“What?” Jin asks. To his credit, he doesn’t snap or anything like that, which is rare when it comes to Jungkook. He has the unique ability make Jin lose his temper, which is usually a rare occurrence. (Excluding any involvement with you, of course) 

“Nothing. You just look very comfortable.” Jungkook observes, with a pointed look at your sleeping form. You shift and tuck your head more securely against Jin. His gaze flicks back for a moment, distracted by the movement, and when he turns back to Jungkook, Jungkook’s tiny smile has widened. 

“Jungkook...” Jin calls warningly, although he is unsure as to what he is cautioning Jungkook against with the edge in his tone. He just knows that he will not like whatever comes out of Jungkook’s mouth next. 

“When’s...” Jungkook has to pause in a fit of snickering, struggling to get the words out because he really thinks he’s that funny. “When’s the wedding?”

Jin is silent at Jungkook’s little joke, and Jin’s lack of response has Jungkook almost rolling off Jin’s knee with the force of his guffaws. The noise is loud enough to cause you to stir in your sleep. Jin ignores this, however, because he knows from past experiences that your bed could literally be on fire and you’d remain asleep. 

When Jungkook finally calms down enough to stop laughing, he pauses at the glare present on Jin’s face. 

“What?” He questions, wiping the tears from his eyes. “Is it really that offensive?” Then his expression turns mischievous. “Does it hit too close to home? Me implying you like her in that way?” His wings raise him up in the air so that he is eye level with Jin, and he lounges mid-air, idly examining his nails. 

“No.” Jin snaps, shifting uncomfortably. The weight of your head against him, previously comforting, now seems to weigh him down. He feels pinned in place, and his lungs feel stiff like they are refusing to expand. “I’m just astounded at how you can make such a ridiculous joke. I’d never like her.”

Jungkook shrugs, spinning around in the air so that his back points to the ground like he’s lying in a hammock, and folds his arms behind his head. 

“I mean if you’d seen the look on your face when she got sucked into the portal, you’d probably be thinking the same thing as me.” Jungkook points out. Jin grits his teeth- he cannot explain the sudden unease he feels, the way Jungkook’s words seem to burrow under his skin and make the world seem off-kilter. It’s not like people haven’t made jokes about him liking you before- some of his exes have even dumped him because they were so unsure about how he felt towards you. But this makes him uncomfortable, for some reason. The way that Jungkook watches him, seemingly nonchalant, but concealing sharp, observant eyes, just gets to him.

“Wouldn’t you have been concerned if your friend was getting sucked into a dangerous portal?” Jin retorts, oddly defensive. Jungkook taps his fingers ponderingly against his chin. 

“My friends are you, Taehyung and (Y/N).” Jungkook reminds him. “You’re literally members of the most feared species in this entire realm. I wouldn’t have to feel concerned. But that’s off topic anyway. Even if I were hypothetically human and could have something like a friend... I don’t think I would have pulled the same face you did in that moment.” He sits up and meets Jin’s gaze steadily. He’s serious in a way that Jin has never really seen Jungkook be before. “You looked like your entire world was about to end.” 

Jin is silent because he has no defence against Jungkook’s observations. He’d looked that way because he’d felt that way. He’d tried so hard, in that moment, to walk away from you. To leave you to your own devices. But then he’d been struck by that feeling- the fear of losing you. Of not having you in his life. It’s a similar feeling to dangling over cliff face by his fingertips.

“I’m just saying,” Jungkook announces, as reclines lazily in the air once more. “You go on dates with literally any female with a pulse... why not with the most convenient female you know?”

Jin stares in consternation at Jungkook because he is absolutely floored by the absurdity of Jungkook’s statement. Dating you would be anything but convenient. It would be the most troublesome, headache inducing investment of his life.

Suddenly, you shift once more, bringing up a hand to curl into the material of Jin’s shirt, and he allows his gaze to fix on you, on the way hair hangs in your face and your lashes rest against the apples of your cheeks. Dating you is amongst the stupidest suggestions Jungkook has ever made. Because dating you means... well, because it means risking you. Risking you seeing him differently, risking you seeing all the ugly things about his personality that you’re currently blind to... it means risking your position in his life. Because as it stands, you are already avoiding him and pulling away from him - if he were to date you and then things didn’t work out... he’d never see you again. 

This is all hypothetical of course. Jin isn’t even interested in dating you. He doesn’t and probably never will see you in that way. 

“Listen, Jungkook,” Jin finally says. “Maybe you got the wrong idea, but let me make it clear for you: I have never, and will never see (Y/N) in that way. She’s just someone I have a responsibility towards; nothing more, nothing less. Besides, back home I have a queue of women waiting for me- do you really think I’d settle for someone like her?”

The words sound harsh and rattle around in the air and Jin regrets them as soon as he says them. But he can’t take them back, once he’s said them, and the words are true. Or at least, they have to be true. Jungkook shrugs like he couldn’t care less, which, really, based off Jin’s knowledge of Jungkook, is probably true. 

“If you say so.” Jungkook says dismissively, and Jin is saved any further answer or uncomfortable answer by you rousing slowly. You blink sleepily at Jin a few times, and he only just manages to catch you by the forehead when you go to lean your head back against him and settle back into sleep. 

“Not so fast.” Jin scolds, secretly grateful for the distraction and wanting to dwell on something other than the unpleasant churning in his stomach Jungkook’s words have triggered. “No more sleeping.”

You groan and push away from Jin, ready to curl up on the forest floor. 

And Jin misses the disbelieving look Jungkook shoots the two of you in his distraction. Because he can’t see what Jungkook sees in that moment, and that is the thinly veiled affection and warmth that lingers in his eyes despite the scolding that follows. 

Jungkook sighs and shakes his head- Jin will figure it out eventually. 

++

The journey after that night is supposed to go smoothly. After your chat with Jin that night, you feel that a burden has lifted from your shoulders. You never realised how something as simple as talking to Jin could clear the air. It wasn’t so much the things that were said, but just the way that you now know that Jin is no longer holding it against you. It gives you hope, that things can be normal- you can be friends once again. So as the three of you set off, you expect the journey from there to be the light-hearted, soul-searching endeavour you had set out to have. 

Only, from that night Jin starts acting strange. It’s weird- you had felt so relieved and freed by your conversation, but it seems to have had the opposite effect on Jin. He is tense and cranky, always snapping at Jungkook. He’s never rude to you, at least, but he is oddly reserved. The three of you start to approach the edge of the forest- the bluish peaks of the Mountains of Delaria peak through the canopy overhead and the tree start to clear, but Jin’s mood does not seem to clear. You can’t find a cause or rational explanation for it.

Perhaps it doesn’t help that Jungkook seems to thrive on Jin’s irritation.

“I spy... with my little eye.... something starting with “T”.” Jungkook hums, right beside your ear where he is seated, cross legged on your shoulder a couple of days after that night. You spot Jin’s eye twitch slightly in the way that it does when he is really, truly annoyed. Today he has been especially on edge, and with each passing moment, Jungkook’s grin widens and Jin’s ire increases.

“Tree?” Jin suggests with gritted teeth, and Jungkook’s eyes widen. 

“Wow that’s the third time you’ve guessed it on the first go!” Jungkook cries, his voice laden with admiration. You have no doubt that it isn’t a genuine admiration. Jungkook is absolutely taking advantage of the older guardian’s foul mood.

“It’s the fourth time you’ve used “tree” as your word!” The outburst comes so suddenly that you flinch and Jungkook nearly tumbles off your shoulder. You wince- you had been trying to ease the tension that hovered in the air with a simple game, but you guess after four hours, Jin’s patience has run thin. It’s better than the conversation earlier that morning, where Jungkook was talking about his favourite romcoms and Jin’s hands kept twitching like he’s just barely restraining himself from going after the irritating creature.

“That’s not true.” Jungkook argues and you know he’s pushing it purely to be contrary. “Two rounds ago the word was “twig”!” 

You reach out hastily to plant a hand on Jin’s shoulder, hoping to placate him before he grabs Jungkook and launches him like a javelin across the forest floor. Jungkook would probably enjoy it, but you don’t know that he’d survive it. Jin blinks in surprise at your hand, like he’d forgotten you were there.

He then very subtly shrugs off your hand, in such a gentle manner that you almost feel like you imagined it. It’s weird- you don’t know why such a simple and meaningless gesture hurts, but it does. You quickly withdraw your hands and flex your fingers in an attempt to shake off the embarrassment.

“L-let’s try a different game!” You suggest in a desperate attempt to salvage things before Jin actually goes looking for bug spray. He glares at you for a moment, but then his expression softens just slightly. He takes a long, slow inhale and squeezes his eyes shut, and when he opens them again, his expression is calmer. 

“What did you have in mind?” He asks at last.

“It’s a word association game.” You explain hastily, knowing Jin’s temper is hovering by a thread and one wrong word will launch him into a Jant. “We count to three and then say the first word to come to mind. And then we have to say a word associated with the words we just said, until we guess the same word. Ready, Jungkook and I will go first, we play this game all the time.” 

You shoot Jungkook a warning glare to remind him to behave. You then inhale deeply and prepare yourself.

“Three... two... one...” you count down. “Leaf!” You cry in the same moment that Jungkook shouts “Tree!” In top volume. 

You aren’t quick enough to stop Jin when he makes a furious grab for Jungkook. You’re not sure how you get Jungkook out of that situation alive, because things go a bit blurry after that. And you still don’t have an explanation for Jin’s behaviour.

And if it were just his crankiness with Jungkook, maybe you could justify it. Jungkook, after all, is very annoying. But it’s his attitude to you that really baffles you. He suddenly treats you like you have the plague- he’ll accidentally brush your hand and then suddenly scramble away until the two of you are walking a metre apart. He refuses to share the bedroll again- instead he curls up on the cold forest floor and shivers the whole night, and any attempts to get him share like that first night have him responding with such vehemence you have to stop yourself from tearing up in hurt. You wish he’d just explain.

Finally, things come to a head right at the very edge of the forest, where the three of you will finally be able to enter a village and restock supplies and pick up another bed roll. The confrontation comes in the form of Jin screeching like his life depends on it. Of course, you are instantly on your guard, searching out the danger he faces and ready to fight off any intruders alerted to your location by his scream. But you fail to locate any obvious threats to Jin, who continues to dance about wildly, still in near hysterics. 

“What’s wrong?” You cry, managing to grab his shoulders and barely evading his swinging arms. Jin regards you with eyes on the verge of dislodging from their sockets, his face red with exertion and veins popping in his neck. And then his gaze drops down to his trouser leg. 

Instantly, the fight leaves you when you notice the most exquisite beetle you have ever had the fortune to lay eyes upon. Gaze filled with wonder, you instantly drop to a crouch and stretch your hand towards Jin’s leg, allowing the tiny creature to disembark from the dark grey fabric onto your outstretched hands. The sight of it brings back fond memories instantly, of playing in the sunshine with Taehyung, chasing such beetles in the hopes that you could keep them as pets. The term for them was “rabjou” but Taehyung and you had dubbed them “gem bugs”, for the shimmering structures that protruded from their carapaces, catching the light and scattering it in the way that a precious diamond might. You observe the shimmering ruby carapace as the beetle makes a slow march across your index finger, before turning to Jin excitedly, momentarily forgetting his odd behaviour.

“Look Jin!” You cry, holding the beetle close to him until he nearly goes cross-eyed trying to keep it in sight. “It’s a gem bug! Like the ones we used to play with when we were kids-“

“He doesn’t look so good.” Jungkook notes suddenly, in the same moment that Jin’s eyes roll into the back of his head and he crumbles in a faint. You barely have time to catch him with one arm, holding the other aloft in an attempt to protect the gembug, and it is then that you recall why Jin is not in any of your memories of the time spent chasing these bugs. 

Because he’s deathly afraid of any and all bugs. 

The bug spreads it’s wings and quickly alights from its perch upon your finger, leaving you to clean up the aftermath of its presence. You stare in horror, wondering how to handle this situation, but Jin starts to rouse a few moments later, much to your relief. His eyelids flutter and his head lolls in your arms. He blinks a few moments, staring up at you with bleary, disorientated eyes. A puzzled, dopey smile curls at his lips. But then full consciousness hits and his eyes bulge with horror.

And then he’s scrambling away from you like he’s been burnt by you. You didn’t even know the crab-like scurry he does backwards out of your arms was physically possibly. His eyes are so wide and panicked that for a second you think that maybe the bug has returned. But after a quick check over of your body for any unusual flashes of red, you realise that it’s you that Jin stares at with such alarm and panic. 

Something in you feels like it shrivels. Maybe it’s your heart. It’s hard to pinpoint the exact emotion. But just a few days ago, you had finally felt like things could be patched up between you and Jin, but now that he’s acting like this... maybe the gap is insurmountable. Maybe there’s just been too much damage. Maybe there’s no avoiding losing Jin from your life. You haven’t felt this hopeless since that incident in highschool all those years ago.

Jungkook lands on your shoulder and quirks an eyebrow when he notices the hurt expression on your face. 

“Why do you look like that?” He asks, ignoring Jin who is busying himself with getting to his feet and brushing the dirt from his clothes. 

“Like what?” You ask, quickly angling your head away. 

“I dunno... like you’re constipated or something.” He observes. “Or like someone punched you in the stomach.”

You bite your lip as you gather yourself. Jin has turned away with Jungkook’s observation. You are probably pulling that face because you are upset. But there’s no use in being hurt or frustrated by Jin’s actions- you need to understand them. You’ve spent long enough sitting and moping and being miserable, and you know now that the only way the two of you are going to get through this is if you don’t let his odd behaviour slide. You square your shoulders and stare at Jin, long and hard. His shoulders have gone tense and his back is facing you- you can see the tension written into every line of his posture. 

“Because I’m upset.” You announce assertively. You whirl on Jin, then. “What’s wrong with you?” You demand. Jin shoots a furtive glance at you and shoves his hands deep in his pockets. 

“Nothing.” He mumbles. “It was a bug.” His gaze flicks to Jungkook, who watches him curiously. You have a feeling Jin’s not talking about the gem bug. Annoyed, you step forward and press a hand onto Jin’s shoulder, forcing him to turn and face you. He avoids your gaze though- his eyes dart around like a they’re in a pinball machine, despite your best efforts to look him in the eye. 

“Jin.” You call sternly, folding your arms in what you hope is an imposing posture. Jungkook sits cross-legged on your shoulder with his ankles grasped in his hands. He looks like he’s watching an entertaining soap opera. “You need to explain. Why are you acting like this? You’re cranky with Jungkook and you’re treating me like I have the plague. Are you... are you still mad about the stuff we talked about the other night?” Your tone wavers just a little. Jin’s eyes widen and he meets your gaze. He looks so uncertain when he does so- nothing at all like the confident, clever Jin you’ve known all your life. It makes you pause. “Did... did I do something wrong?” You question and he hangs his head, scrubbing a frustrated hand over his face. 

“No! Nothing like that. I’m... I’m sorry if it feels that way.” He corrects hastily. “I just...” he buries his face in his hands and the tips of his ears go red, before he raises his gaze to glare openly at Jungkook. “Jungkook made a stupid joke and I was trying to prove him wrong. I’m sorry- it was stupid of me to take it out on you.”

You blink in confusion, while Jungkook starts snickering at Jin. You pluck Jungkook off your shoulder by the back of the tiny hoodie he’s chosen to wear today so that you can stare at him. He dangles from between your thumb and forefinger.

“What’d you say?” You question suspiciously. Jungkook shrugs and grins like you’ve just gotten him a great Christmas present. He makes no effort to break free from your hold.

“Just wanted to know when the wedding is.” He says, and he still finds the joke as funny as the first time he said it. You stare blankly at him, however. 

“What wedding? My mum’s?” You ask. Jungkook’s jaw drops. 

“No!” He cries out, as if the idea is offensive to him. “Yours! With Jin!” 

Jin has dropped his gaze and glows an interesting shade of red, and you can’t say you understand the situation. 

“We aren’t getting married though?” You point out. You shoot a look at Jin and the tips of his ears are nearly purple. They only tend to go that colour when he is really, truly embarrassed, and rare are the situations where Jin is embarrassed. “Are we?”

Jin splutters in horror for a few moments. 

“Absolutely not!” He blurts, the words choked and frantic. You’re taken aback by his vehemence. Is the concept really that horrifying? You shake the thought off as quickly as it comes and instead focus on the matter at hand; Jin was acting strangely because he was trying to prove he has no romantic feelings for you, it seems. Which... you already knew that. You’ve known that since you were in high school. You hate recalling that incident, but in that moment, it resurfaces despite your best efforts.

You had overheard him having a conversation with some of the other seniors in your school about how you how you have the same amount of appeal as an un-toilet trained puppy. Strictly “not girlfriend” material. It wasn’t a life-changing revelation or anything. And it’s not like you’d had feelings for him at the time. But you can’t deny that things had changed since that day. Jin had firmly been rooted in ‘strictly friends’ territory, and you’d been very, very careful to never let him out of the box he had placed himself in. And you’d done a really good job of never letting the memory bother you- after all, you’d long ago shirked the embarrassment and sadness of that day, and it annoys you that all these years later Jin is resurfacing the feelings of that time when you’re trying. so. hard. to fix things between you. You blink back the hurt tears that threaten to well in your eyes. You’re better than this- and you’ve never wanted him in that way, anyway. At least not since you’d overheard that conversation, you hadn’t.

“You could have just said something.” You mutter resentfully, and even you are surprised at the barely suppressed anger in your tone. Jin whips up his head like he’s been electrocuted. “Like I get it. I’m not girlfriend material. I’m not... I’m not trying to be your girlfriend anyway. And Jungkook’s a dummy who likes to push your buttons. You... I’ve been sitting here panicking over what I could have done wrong and it’s because I’m that gross to you that you need to prove to Jungkook of all people that you don’t like me?”

“Wait-“ Jin protests. “I didn’t mean it like that- I just-“ 

“It’s fine.” You cut him off and to be honest, you can’t really articulate why you’re so torn up over that. It’s not like he even did anything that bad. Just like that incident, back in highschool- he hadn’t said anything bad. He just pulls away when you touched him. He has just been making it very clear how he feels about you. But... it just feels like so much more than something simple as him not wanting to touch you. It’s not like you’re new to the idea anyway. A lot of girls in highschool and a lot of Jin’s girlfriends have always been jealous of your friendship with him and have been quick to point out the ways in which he clearly views you as a friend. And it’s not like you wanted anything more. Or well, maybe a small part of you did, but you were also smarter than that. You had better things to worry about then the fact that Jin doesn’t like you. And everything you’re doing is because you want him back as a friend. You’re not greedy. But... something still hurts. Even after all these years. Even hearing it afresh. “Just forget it. It’s not a big deal. We can just... go back to normal.” 

Not that you even know what normal is with Jin at the moment. Everything is so off-kilter and you’re so confused by everything. You swallow deeply, willing the hurt feelings away. 

“(Y/N),” Jin calls guiltily. 

You wince- not because of the tone of his voice, however. You wince because in the next moment you feel a weird stabbing sensation in the side of your neck. Confused, you raise your hand to your neck. What you find there is an odd, feathered device, tapered to a sharp point that is currently speared into the muscle of your neck. Jin’s eyes widen as he stares as it, and you pull it from your neck. You wince as blood droplets start to flow down the side of your neck. The feathers are a brilliant red, the colour of blood, and the thin pointed tip glistens with your blood. You’ve never seen anything like it, and a weird nauseous feeling floods through you, starting at the wound in the side of your neck and flushing outwards.

“Is that...” Jungkook questions, but then Jin is interrupting him with a pained cry. He flinches violently as a feather device whistles through the air and lodges in the side of his neck. He mirrors your actions- he plucks it from his neck and scrutinises it. You don’t think he’s realised it, but he’s started to sway a bit, much like you have. The nauseous feeling worsens, and Jin has gone pale.

“I think it’s a…” Jin trails away, squinting his eyes and shaking his head as he struggles to focus on it. His voice starts to slur. “It’s a tranquiliser dart-“

The three of you exchange fearful glances and that’s really all you have time to do before your vision swims. And then everything goes black. 

++

When you come to, you are instantly struck with the thought that there have been far too many kidnappings on this trip. You groan in pain, your head still swimming, and find that you have been restrained. Blinking open your eyes, you’re in some kind of encampment- the ground is thick and sponge-y and the houses seem to be made from woven twigs. If you had to describe it… they were almost like birds’ nests. The area is darkened- the foliage here is thicker and almost entire blocks out any light. Lanterns of blues and pinks line the path to compensate for the lack of light. On the edge of the area you see a muddy creek curling around the encampment. It’s more swamp-y than the forest you lost consciousness in.

Behind you, Jin also groans, and that’s when you realise you’ve been tied so you’re back to back with him. Neither of you can move your arms. And there’s a noticeable lack of the sound of fluttering wings. Your eyes go wide.

“Jin,” You gasp in horror. He grunts, trying to adjust his position so he’s more comfortable but he just ends up pushing you forwards. “Where’s Jungkook?”

“The pixie is here.” An unfamiliar, high-pitched voice calls. Your eyes widen at the interruption, and you turn your head to find a humanoid figure. Well, humanoid in that it stands on two legs and seems to have functioning arms. But if you were being pedantic about what living creature it resembles, you would have to say it’s more birdlike. Complete with a thick, yellow-ish beak like it’s an eagle, and brightly coloured plumage coating its entire body, apart from the white feathered head. It wears clothes- loose, airy fabrics like it’s straight out of a live-action adaptation of Aladdin, in a rich purple that compliments the bright red of its feathers. A brilliant plume of feathers sprouts from the top of its head and flows downwards like a waterfall. And held aloft in a clawed hand, protruding from the appendage that is a weird cross of an arm and a wing, is a small glass jar, with Jungkook snoozing obliviously within its depths.

“Jungkook!” You cry. Your eyes widen in horror. You immediately begin to scrabble around wildly, but with your arms pinned to your side with the coarse rope, and your back planted against Jin’s, you realise you aren’t going anywhere any time soon. You gaze around the camp, suddenly aware that this bird creature is not the only one- the sensation of being watched creeps along your skin and dozens of pairs of golden eyes peer at you, concealed safely in the shadows of the camp.

“Give him back!” You demand. Your feet stir up the soft, loamy soil you are seated upon as you kick about wildly, trying to stand, or loosen the bindings that hold you in place. Jungkook is no doubt the most annoying being in existence, but he’s also a precious friend and you couldn’t stand if anything happened to him.

“Calm down, Guardian.” The imposing, birdlike creature calls. “We will return this creature to you, eventually. We needed some leverage for you to hear out our request, for we knew we could not bind you for long.”

And it’s right- already with your frantic flailing, the ropes have started to fray and stretch. Jin does not seem to be as panicked as you, but he does remain still in a way that allows you to pull forward against the bindings, stretching them forward.

“Will you hurt him?” You demand. The bird-like creature turns sharp, hawklike eyes to the jar, peering curiously at the unconscious pixie.

“We will hurt him if you give us reason to hurt him.” It finally answers, tilting its head at you. The move is quick and fluid, like the way an owl’s head flicks around easily as it watches for prey.

“Hypothetically,” Jin cuts in quickly. “What would it take for you to deal with him without a reason from us? Just hypothetically.”

His back is to you, so he doesn’t see the way you glare, but you quickly turn your attention back to the bird-person, gazing up with imploring eyes.

“Anything. We’ll do anything- please. Don’t hurt him.” You beg. You are surprised by the ferocity of the protectiveness you now feel. The only time you have felt a similar amount of concern for him is the time he almost got eaten by a dog. The bird-creature glares down at you for a moment, still dangling the jar with Jungkook in it by the handle. It then combs its claws before the brilliant crest of feathers that flows from the top of its head and cascades down its body like a ponytail and steps forward. It crouches down low until it is eye-level with you.

“The two of you have brought the Saishtas into our territory.” It informs you. “And the Forest Spirit hates Saishtas. They are a foul, disrespectful beast and have been corrupting our swamplands.”

You cower away slightly- the sharp tip of the beak that hovers centimetres from the bridge of your nose could easily gouge out your eye and you’d be defenceless to stop it if this creature choose to do such a horrible thing. You can feel the way Jin’s back has gone rigid with tension behind you.

It straightens then, walking around the two of you to peer curiously at Jin. You crane your neck, trying to keep it in sight, but you can’t turn your head around far enough. Instead you feel Jin flinch.

“Our chief went to placate the Forest Spirit, and she has been taken captive. Luckily for us, two guardians came stumbling in our territory like it were designed by the fates.” It comes back around to face you and folds its feathered arms. The feathers flare outwards like sleeves of a baggy coat. “Rescue her, and we will return your… pixie to you.”

You glare at the creature, staring forlornly at Jungkook. It’s a dangerous request this bird is making. In theory, you could probably snap these ropes with enough exertion and make a grab for Jungkook. But you do not know why he is asleep or what measures they have put in place to ensure you can’t take Jungkook back by force. And you can’t risk his safety.

“What if we don’t want the pixie bac-“ Jin starts, but is quickly cut off by you throwing your head back to headbutt the back of his head. “Ouch! I just meant hypothetically- I was reviewing all our options before we-“

“We’ll do it.” You say hastily. “We agree to your terms. We’ll rescue your chief. Just please… don’t hurt him.”

Something in the posture of the bird-creature softens.

“Of course we get captured by Psittanurans.” Jin mutters resentfully as the creature, a Psittanuran if Jin is to be trusted, bows deeply to you. “Just our luck.”

“You have our word.” The Psittanuran informs you, ignoring Jin’s mumble. “We will not allow harm to come to the pixie, so long as you do not allow harm to come to our chief.”

It makes an odd, clicking noise, snapping its beak together and two more Psittanurans appear, wielding knives. They are in similar attire, brightly coloured, airy clothes, but all are in slightly different colours. One’s feathers are warm, an earthy brown with a deep pink plume of feathers atop the crown of its head, while the other is a midnight blue, like a peacock. They make quick work of releasing the bindings around you, and you and Jin quickly get to your feet. Jin rubs at his arms, looking quite sulky- he’s probably upset over being kidnapped yet again.

You glare at the main bird, the instigator, as it steps out towards you and reaches a clawed talon towards you. It presses the tip to your forehead, and you wince at the slight pressure.

And then your eyes widen as images flood your head- a dark cave, a bone white cliffside, their chief held captive, and Saishtas, lurking behind every corner. And the whole time, an overcast presence lurking behind every step of the journey- you can feel its churning fury, bubbling beneath the surface, and you shudder. When you open your eyes, the Psittanuran gazes down at you curiously.

“Do you understand what you must do?” It asks. Your heartbeat is in your throat and you’ve broken out in a cold sweat- you are not sure you have the strength to overcome this beast, let alone rescue the chief. Your gaze flicks to Jungkook, who has been so soundly asleep that you suspect it is actually some form of enchantment that keeps him slumbering.

Jin must sense your fear because you feel his hand slip into yours. His palms are slick with sweat, and there’s a slight shake to them. You realise then that he’s been absolutely terrified this whole time. You spare him a glance, and he meets your eyes head on.

You don’t know why, but you feel your heartbeat calm when he meets your eyes. It’s an impossible, terrifying task before you, but he’ll be beside you the whole time. That’s what the look in his eyes reassures you. No matter what happens or has happened between you, despite your fight, despite the weird state of things right now, Jin will be by your side.

You swallow deeply and nod at the Psittanuran.

“I do.” You solemnly agree, unsure what the journey ahead may bring.

But you have to save Jungkook.

[cygnetofthesea]

Stay: Westallen Fic

This is supposed to take place during their “argument” scene in 1x21 when Barry and Iris confront each other about truth and honesty. I’m totally re-doing it lol I always loved that scene for the passion and angst, but felt like it could have gone down differently with more feelings shared.

He couldn't let her go. Not like this.

"Iris, wait!"

His heart in his throat, on his sleeves, he chased after her.

She was waiting by the elevator, her back to him. He slowed his steps, his eyes trained on her back, willing her to look at him.

"Iris," he said softly. "I'm sorry, I am going to do everything in my power to make this right."

She whirled around then. "'Make it right'? How do you think you can make it right?" She holds her hand up. "You know what? No. I don't want to hear what you have to say. You had every opportunity this past year to tell me the truth, but you didn't."

"Iris, I know," he pleaded, "I know I messed up but if I could just explain — "

"Oh no need. See, I may have not known what was going on with you, but I did know that something wasn't right. And I do know you, Barry. You did it to protect me, right? You wanted to keep me out of harm's way and my dad encouraged that part of you and asked to make sure it was kept from me. I'm not sure how Eddie found out, but I bet he was asked to keep it from me too. That about right?"

Barry wilted, tiredly rubbing his eyes. Of course she knew him so well. In that moment though, he felt comforted and sick at the thought. She knew his reasons and it wasn’t enough for her.

Stammering, he tried to find the words to repair this. "I…y-yes, that's a — "

But she cut him off once again, on a roll as she stepped closer.

"What I don't understand though is how you could do this to me." She looked at him with wet eyes, everything rushing over her. "I stood by you since we were kids, Barry. I was the one to reassure you that you weren't crazy even as my own father believed that you were. I promised you and myself that we would find the truth. Someway, somehow. I was right alongside you everyday, chasing the truth, finding whatever crumb I could to make you happy. And then when I had a shred of anything that could prove you right, to absolve your father, get some semblance of a life back for you…you dismissed me."

Barry stood in stunned silence, feeling the burn in his eyes. She was right. She had stood by him, she was his lightning rod that broke through the storm and lit the way for him. She was always there even before his mother's death. It was how he was able to fall so easily and hopelessly in love with her.

He felt like his insides were convulsing at that thought, at the realization of just how much he hurt her.

Her eyes sparkled with unshed tears and she swallowed past a lump in her throat. He watched her take in a shaky breath as though steeling herself to say the next words.

"You know, ever since you told me how you felt about me, I have not been the same. I haven't stopped thinking about you and possibilities and it's been wreaking havoc on me, but now? Now I’m questioning it because, this isn't love, Barry."

His head shot up at that, eyes wide as his heart thumped painfully against his chest. Had she said anything else, it wouldn't have cut as deep as these words.

"Love is about trust, honesty, faith. None of which you had for me. You weren't honest with me and you didn't have faith in me. You took away my right to choose what was best for me, you didn’t believe in me and that isn't — "

"No!" It was his turn to interrupt. He couldn't keep hearing this, he couldn't let herself believe this misconception. He stepped toward her desperately, eyes wide in panic and fear. "Iris, I screwed up, I know and I am so, so sorry for hurting you, for betraying you. But I need to explain. I know you know the 'why,' but I need you to understand where I'm coming from."

He implored her with his shining eyes and Iris was always weak to them. She could see his heart breaking in front of her and her own responded, feeling sharp pangs. Because Iris made it her mission to bring lightness and happiness into Barry's life ever since he came to live with her. It wasn't a conscious thought, it never was, but somewhere deep inside her, she knew she needed to see him happy. And it was infuriating that in this moment, when she had every right to be angry with him, she could feel that ire give way to her need to hold him.

But she kept her distance and softened her look instead. He took another tentative step toward her, the space in between them drawing smaller.

"Iris, I have lost so much, and you were the one thing I couldn't bear to lose. It's why I didn't tell you I loved you sooner and it's why I didn't tell you that I was the Flash." He looked at her intensely, his green eyes burning bright upon hers. He didn't waver for a moment as he spoke with conviction.

"Iris, I am a man in love with you, but I am also a desperate and terrified man. Those things can exist at once. So yes, I lied to you, but it wasn't out of love for you, it was out of sheer desperation and terror. Terror over the thought of losing you, over something happening to you because of me. So please, Iris, please. You can hate me, you can be mad at me, you can accuse me of anything, but please, don’t tell me I don't love you because I do. Iris, I love you more than anything."

A tear fell from his eye and Iris wanted to run to him but at the same time, his words, spoken with such ardor, left her breathless. She wanted to bask in its overwhelming warmth and glow.

"I know it as sure as I know anything in my life. You're the love of my life. And if I lose you because of this, I will regret it for the rest of my life."

Iris let out a sob, looking at the broken face of her best friend. This was her person, the very same she vowed to stand by for the rest of their lives.  And in that moment, the anger washed away and she wanted nothing more than to bury herself in him, his familiar embrace. 

She closed the gap between them with shaky legs and did just that. She found herself in his ready arms, holding her tight as his body quivered against her. She felt his gasp against her ear as his heart raced against her own. He sniffled as he whispered promising words of honesty and keeping her with him no matter what. 

As Iris let herself drown in him, she vaguely thought of Eddie and how things had just gotten very, very complicated. Nothing would be the same from this moment on and she knew she had to be just as honest as she asked of Barry. The time would come, but for now, she would just stay right there in his arms.

The love of her life. 

[yanjuniverse]

RANKING MY TOP 5 FICS

hello everyone. let me just take a moment to introduce myself. my name is Megan and two years ago, I started this blog originally under the user name @/syzygy-yoongi to post one shots about the boys from IQIYI’s Idol Producer. since that time, i have gain a mass following (2,000+ today) that i am forever grateful for. i have also made many friends that i love dearly and am so blessed to have in my life.

when i began this blog, i didn’t expect so many people to pay attention or to read my stories. if you remember, i was pumping out chapters two or three times a day, finishing series within a week or two because i loved writing that much.

today, i’m going to rank my top five completed series that i have written. feel free to reblog with your own opinions/rankings as well or leave me an ask with your opinions about my stories! (i’m very bored).

Now let’s get this show on the road!

SPOILERS BELOW! vvv

1. Girls Like You (Cai Xukun)

Summary: IP High School is one of the most prestigious boarding schools in China for the fine arts. Owned by the Huang family, the school only accepts the best of the best. Many of China’s biggest stars came from this school and many of their students already have offers upon their graduation.

This year will be Cai Xukun’s fourth year at the school and fourth year witnessing the favoritism of his classmate, Zhu Zhengting (who’s parents are world class dancers) as well as the favoritism from students Fan Chengcheng (little brother of China’s most famous actress) and headmasters’ son, Huang Justin. The three of them are known to run the school. They get away with being late to classes, missing classes completely, missing assignments, talking back and Xukun swears he’s never seen them in full uniform. Safe to say that he kind of despises them and their “holier-than-thou” mindsets.

So when Justin’s sister joins them for her senior year, he could only roll his eyes at the news. While all of Xukun’s friends seem to fall for her, he can’t see the magic of it all.

“Girls like you? Girls like you are the kind that I can’t stand! You think just because you’re rich and pretty that we all have to fall for you? Well news flash, it’s not going to work on me. Now stay out of my way!”

MY OPINION: I really hold this fic near and dear to my heart because of the amount of work I put into the relationship between YN and Justin, YN and Zhengting and YN and Xukun. These were the three main relationships throughout the story that I feel really made readers pick sides. In all honesty, I was very nervous the first half the the story because everyone was on Zhengting’s side. This story was one of my most popular series and I was very pleased with the outcome, though I do have some regrets.

LOVED MOST: The relationship between YN and Justin. Justin’s character was the most difficult character I have ever portrayed. The early stages of developing his character actually spurred from Charlie from the movie The Perks of Being a Wallflower. As for YN’s character, I grew up in a household where my parents were always at work and so I had to raise my younger siblings (obviously not to the extent of YN’s and my parents are kind people). Her motherly tendencies came a lot from the things I had personally done growing up (making meals, putting together backpacks, so on and so forth). I think of all the relationships I’ve ever written, YN’s and Justin’s “Huang or Die” relationship is always going to be my favorite.

BIGGEST REGRET: The ending. Looking back on it now, I honestly think the story should have gone another way. Of course YN runs from Zhengting but I personally think that the ending was way too rushed. It was something I put together in the matter of hours just because I wanted to get the story over with. I think now, I would have let YN have more time to be herself and to be a kid in Korea rather than carrying on being a mother. I also would have liked it if she had ended up with Chengcheng, the only boy in this entire story besides Zhengting, who had been there from start to finish . I would have also liked to have seen the more interaction with her and Yanjun and Ziyi, considering they, along with Bingbing were the main hands that took part in her escape.

2. SUBSCRIBE! (Xiao Gui)

Summary: Wang Linkai just posted videos of himself playing videos for fun. He never in a million years expected to build the type of following he did.

or

Zhu YN started off just posting little home videos for her and her friends. She never in a million years expected to build the type of following she did.

or

The one where you and Xiao Gui have no idea who the other is until one day, your brother sends you the link to a video called “REACTING TO TEXTS FROM AN ANGEL I MET TODAY!”

MY OPINION: Though Xiao Gui continues to be my bias up until today, the fic that I wrote for him is second place. I had a lot of fun writing it but with a more regrets than I did with Girls Like You. (Also let’s all remember when I wrote that he was a matcha frappe guy and then days later, he was papped with that exact drink).

LOVED MOST: Xiao Gui’s character development is something I’m always going to take pride in. I think out of all of my stories, his character was one of the most carefully planned. There were little details (such as when Gui goes from stealing Ziyi’s car keys to asking for them in the end) that really showed how much he grew. I’m also glad he didn’t just give up his dream for love and how he wanted YN to be free while he was away. I feel like had he been the same person from the beginning, he either would’ve given up his music career or made YN wait for him. I really loved to see how much he grew during this story.

BIGGEST REGRET: How YN knew Xiao Gui’s mother 🤦🏻‍♀️. That was such a plot twist ending that didn’t even make sense. I wish I had found a different way for YN to have gotten Gui to be with his mother other than “oh she sells me fruit”.

3. Smile for the Camera (Zhu Zhengting)

Summary: Nine Percent Photography is a small company with big names. Owned by Y/N, it features the faces of Cai Xukun, Chen Linong, Fan Chengcheng, Huang Justin, Lin Yanjun, Wang Ziyi and You Zhangjing.

Nine Percent Photography is best known for their creativity and ability to push their models into various aesthetics. They are one of the richest companies in Asia with every model raking in an estimated 2.3 million dollars every month. It is every model’s dream to be apart of this world class company.

Zhu Zhengting is an aspiring model. Up until this point, he has only scored small gigs. That is, until one phone call changed his entire life.

Zhengting finally has the chance to follow his dreams. He’s not going to let anything get in his way. Right?

MY OPINION: This story was the first story of mine that really blew up. It’s my pride and joy and where my following really started to build.

LOVED MOST: I loved the harmony between the company. It was like they were all destined to be together. I also liked how they were so honest with each other towards the end. I loved how they all had to fall apart to come back together. I also really appreciated Yanjun’s friendship with YN and how much YN loved her company.

BIGGEST REGRET: I should have made the the story longer so that YN and Zhengting could have had more time to fall in love with each other. I reread it a couple of weeks ago and honestly, the way the fell was so awkward and rushed. Had I gone back to write it, I would have focused more on their love story. I also wished I would have gone and written more about their modeling and/or their work since they were a modeling company. I also wished I had gone deeper into YN and Zeren’s backstory.

4. Oblivious (Wang Ziyi)

Wang Ziyi has never been the type to confront his feelings head on. He’s always swallowed the butterflies, tied his shoe laces and held on to the safety handle to make sure he never let him fall for anyone. He likes to say it’s because he doesn’t want to get his heart broken but his friends say that maybe he’s just saving those feelings for you.

or

the one where people aren’t sure whether you two really hate each other or really like each other.

MY OPINION: This was one of my more humorous stories. I’m usually an angst writer so getting to write Ziyi and YN in such a playful manner was like a breath of fresh air. This is also the story that came after I took my first hiatus (which was supposed to be like a week but ended up being like a day lol). I remember the stress of wanting to write something angsty for Ziyi and not having the storyline so instead, I decided to write a funnier story for him. Though, not as popular as Girls Like You, Subscribe! or Smile for the Camera, it still ranks high for me.

LOVED MOST: I LOVED HOW FUNNY ZIYI AND YN’S CHARACTERS WERE — actually all of them! One of my favorite parts of the story is always going to be the line where Linong says he has “bible study in an hour” and Yanjun replies “PLEASE STOP CALLING YOUR THEOLOGY (the study of the nature of God and religious beliefs) CLASS BIBLE STUDY!” All of the characters played a big part in the story unlike in the others where characters like Zhangjing and Linong are more of the background extras.

BIGGEST REGRET: THE WHOLE ENDING! I remember a lot of people were upset with YN and her plans and I agree because what she did was a bit uncalled for. But I remember just wanting it to end so I let it end the way it did. Had I gone back and rewritten it, I probably would have let Xingjie and YN play out for a bit before the two realized they were better off as friends. Sort of along the lines of Lara Jean and John Ambrose.

5. Trust Me - Lin Yanjun

Summary: Summary: Ever since you were a freshman in high school, Wang Ziyi has always felt the need to protect you. Now you’re a freshman in college and nothing has changed. When he hears that the labeled player, Lin Yanjun, is trying to make his way into your life, Ziyi finds it harder to keep his secret under wraps - especially when you make friends with You Zhangjing, Lin Yanjun’s best friend.

MY OPINION: Ah yes. I feel like this is a forgotten story of mine. It was one of my first ever series. I think I was still @/syzygy-yoongi at the time that I wrote this. I still get nostalgic when I see people finding it now. This is actually the story that got me into writing series (I had never written one before Trust Me) when a follower suggested the idea to me.

LOVED MOST: I really loved the plot twist at the end. I think of all of my stories, this was the only one that I really planned out and stuck to it. I didn’t overthink Trust Me because at the time, I did get have many followers and I didn’t have anyone to disappoint.

BIGGEST REGRET: I think the reason why I ranked Trust Me so lowly is because of the lack of quality it had. It was the earliest development of what yanjuniverse is today. This is the story that made me realize that I really had a knack for angst. I have the fondest memories of Trust Me and I’m so happy I wrote it.

Conclusion: This was my top five rankings for my completed series. Of course it doesn’t go into my incompleted series (I Bet would’ve knocked Trust Me right off of this list). This was a complete waste of time but just something I wanted to do because I had just spent the past couple of weeks rereading my fics. Hope you all enjoyed and if you made it this far, thank you so much. I’m so grateful for this blog. It really made me who I am today. I’m so grateful for the memories and how much I grew from these stories!

[bme-girl]

University asks

from this blog

How far along are you in your studies? About to start the 4th/5th year of my undergrad program. So close, yet so far lol

How far do you plan on pursuing academia? I want to get my PhD and maybe I’ll do some post-doc work after that?

What made you want to attend university? My mom wasn’t able to attend in her home country and my dad got his Bachelor’s on his dad’s GI Bill. They allowed me to see how there are some limits without it and how education in this country is your ticket to money and living comfortably. 

What do you study? Biomedical Engineering + Chemical/Biological Engineering 

What do you wish to accomplish by studying at university? The end goal is to contribute to the knowledge in the field and have an impact on the community by inspiring underrepresented youth like me

What do you want to do with your degree? Be a researcher and teach in some capacity 

What’s your dream job? Being a researcher and influencer for Latinx youth in STEM

Has university been what you expected it to be? Tbh, I don’t think so even though I didn’t really know what to expect. I’ve learned SO much along the way that no one had the knowledge to tell me when before uni

What’s the most important thing you have learned about yourself at university? That I’m strong af, I can do whatever I want to in life–literally. And not to compare yourself to others

What surprised you the most about university? The types of friends I made, people I met, and places I went bc of opportunities through uni

What classes are you taking this/next semester? For fall 2020, I am taking Chemical Engineering Design 1 (not truly a design class. more like ethics, safety, etc.), Transport Phenomena in Biomedical Eng, Separation Processes, Biochemistry, and an Independent Study.

What has been the most interesting class you’ve taken? This past semester I took a biomedical eng project-based course and it was LIT af, very challenging but projects were super realistic and interesting

What has been your favourite class you’ve taken? Same course as 12^ like it made me realize my true style of learning and working and it was difficult but so so cool

What is your favourite professor like? Haha, same prof as 12 & 13^^ he was laid back, challenging, young and tech-savvy. More than anything, he was there if you just needed someone to talk to. He didn’t ‘bend’ rules but he knew what it’s like to be a student with limited resources and no super-human abilities. Just a cool guy I’d grab a drink with

If you have to write a thesis, what are you going to write it on? I will have to provide a written report for the independent study so I’m gonna ask if it can be like a thesis. It’ll probs be on something like improving multi-modal neuroimaging data fusion using machine learning

What is your weird academic niche? I’m not really sure. Sometimes I feel like I am my own niche? Lmao. I don’t really know how to answer this tbh 

What’s your favourite thing about academia? That honesty and integrity are highly valued and people just like wondering about things on a deeper level and bigger scale and have conversations about it

What’s your least favourite thing about academia? That it’s toxic: not as diverse, kinda bureaucratic, research matters more than ability to teach (in the US)

Would you go to a different university if you had to choose again? Yes and no: instead of going to a different uni then transferring to where I am now, I would 100% just have gone to the one I’m at now in the first place

Would you choose a different subject if you had to choose again? I don’t think so

If you couldn’t study the subject you study now, what would you study? Software Engineering or Comp Sci

What is your favourite course style? More applied learning, like projects. Not as exam heavy.

Theoretical or practical? AHHH! Both

Best book you’ve had to read for a course? Numerical Methods in MATLAB for Engineers 

Worst book you’ve had to read for a course? Molecular Physical Chemistry for Engineers by Yates and Johnson OMFG LITERAL TRASH, even our instructor hated it 

Favourite online resource? YouTube lol– broad but legit the best way to learn ANYTHING

The topic of the best essay you’ve written? I have a problem where everything I wrote in the past I now see as really bad bc my writing is always evolving. Most recent essay–maternal mortality rates in the US and race gaps within

Would you ever consider getting a phd? I am indeed considering haha

Who is doing the most interesting research in your field at the moment? In my research, Vince Calhoun or Danilo Bzdok. In my major, I’m not sure

Do you have any minors? I haven’t declared it officially, but I think I can achieve a math minor my 5th year

What is subject you wish your university taught but doesn’t? I don’t blame them cause it’s just now gaining more popularity, but like a strictly computational biology/biostatistics subject would be amazing

What is an area of your subject you wish your university taught but doesn’t? Same as 31^

The best advice anyone has ever given you about university? Do everything, don’t hold back. An opportunity can come from the smallest of things

Do you care about your grades? Yeah, but it’s not everything

Do you think you study enough? Sometimes I do, sometimes I don’t

How did your attitude towards studying and school change between high school and university? Uni hit me like a truck bc my high school was not the best. I learned to live and breathe studying, how to learn, how to manage my time, and my attitude is more serious and business-minded, but also have crazy fun in the right time and place

What do you do to rewind? Like to unwind? exercise, make music, watch movies, hit the hot tub

Best tip for making friends at university? Be yourself and be honest :)

Are you involved in any clubs/societies/extracurriculars? President for a diversity student org and I do intramural sports!

Have you done or are you planning on doing any internships? I’ve completed one research internship and I hope to do another next summer.

What is an interesting subject that you would never study yourself? Physics probably lol

What has been your favourite thing about university so far? The people, the location of my uni, the learning

What is your plan B career? Work in industry after undergrad, probably in biotech

Do you ever regret your choice of subject or university? Not really

Do you ever regret going to university? Hell no

How do you study? I try to vary it– I’ll read, do a crap ton of practice problems, do a study group with a lot of talking and teaching each other concepts, watch videos from other sources

What do you wish you’d done differently in your first year? Not been a student-athlete

What things do you think you did right in your first year? Was honest with myself 

What are your thoughts on Academia? It can be good and bad, and it’s up to us as the next generation to change the bad :)

Strangest university tip you have? Hmmmmm... Don’t assume all your advisers/administration/profs know what you’re truly capable of. (not strange, but I don’t think it’s that common)

[thejamesoldier]

A Single Frayed Rope

AO3 Link :)

Prologue | Chapter 1

A/N: I've taken some artistic license with this. Sometimes I will stray from canon and some of the dialogue will not be the game script verbatim. I'm not changing core aspects of the plot/characters we know and love, I just wanted to enhance or elaborate on certain aspects of the story so its told the way I would like and not just a copy of the original. I really wanted to make you feel like you are part of the story, woven in as an integral piece of the world instead of just dropped on the surface. If that makes any sense lol. Anyway enjoy !!

Chapter 2 ~ Colter II

"Sorry!" You say on a choked inhale, air struggling to get past your heart that's lodged itself up into the back of your throat.

The apology was reflex if you are being honest, along with the harsh startle your body gave when you whipped around towards the voice.  

"What are you doin' there miss?" A man smeared in shadow asks in a dangerously neutral tone, taking a few ominous steps forward as he does so.

While you can't make out much of him, just a black silhouette against the slightly lighter black canvas of the night, your heart stutters over a beat or two as you recognize his voice. This is Arthur. This realization brings you absolutely no comfort. He justifies this feeling as he crosses his arms tight against his broad chest when you hesitate to answer right away. Your spine locks against your shivering, pulling your insides in opposite directions and straining the muscles in your neck.  

"I'm --," You grit your teeth at the pain in your head and the scratch in your throat and decide that you don't have the capability to lie (well) right now, "I was trying to steal from these saddlebags." You surrender with a hitch in your voice.

"I see," He indulges in a slow drawl, then after a long punishing beat of silence, "And how's that workin' out for ya?"

"Not well." You reply as you hug your arms around yourself, not being able to stand the cold and the fear at the same time.

"Yeah, Sabine here," You just make out Arthur sending a stiff nod in the aggravated horse's direction, "Tends to get possessive of her personal space."

"I noticed." You say.

"Well," He huffs, a strange curl to his tone making something in the back of your head stomp its foot, "How do you reckon we go from here?"

"Please don't kill me." You immediately rush, not above begging for your life. He just caught you trying to steal and he had already been talking about torturing you earlier so yeah, definitely not above begging.

Arthur seems to falter as he hears the genuine fear wobbling in your voice. You're not sure how you sense such a subtle shift in his approach to the conversation but you do as he uncrosses his arms and clasps his hands together in front of his hips, the movement loud in the twilight, before clearing his throat,

"Won't be doin' that just yet miss."

"Yet?" Your chest constricts and stars fall from the sky, swirling in your vision and making your head feel like air. That venison jerky you ate whole earlier tumbles like a brick in your stomach, and you regret eating anything at all as bile fills your mouth.

"Yes, it would be a waste of my effort to kill you so soon after savin' you."

"You were the one that saved me?" You whisper on empty lungs as the stars begin to collect around his outline.

A streak of bold moonlight cuts through the thick overcast and slants across his figure, highlighting small silver slivers of him -- the rim of his hat, the swell of a cheekbone, the rounding of a muscled shoulder; a mystery amidst his own galaxy.

"Miss?"

You feel yourself falling as the stars around him start to spin.

I'm getting really sick of fainting, you think before the black swallows you whole.

--

"Goddamn it!" Arthur curses as he lurches forward and catches her just before she crumples completely into the snow.

Once he's adjusted her in his arms, he finds himself frozen and unable to move. Holding her close in an ironically graceful dip, the light of the moon whispers across her face. It tangles in her lashes and kisses her brow, runs down her nose and lounges on the soft curve of her upper lip. Arthur is struck by her, again, and stunned in the silent night. The beauty of her, obscure and poignant and unnameable like all things in nature are, seizes Arthur and he --

He hates her because of it. Hates the softness it encourages in him.  

The anger that protects him from all his vulnerabilities gathers up around him like wildfire, burning that softness in him to ash and charring him into a familiar numbness. A numbness he feels when he beats a starving man for debt money, or shoots a noncomplying witness who was going to send the law on the gang, or sees helplessness eat up the good in John's eyes, or watches Jack collect stray wildflowers for his mother, or the gentle pinch around the skin of Hosea's eyes whenever he smiles at Arthur --

Arthur grits his teeth against the hollowing in his chest and hoists the woman fully up into his arms. He walks carefully but quickly back to the Marston cabin, trying not to jostle her too much as he would hate to have her wake. Why is it that this woman always ends up unconscious in his arms? Arthur's not even carried Mary this many times. His brain short circuits at the thought of Mary -- oil pouring over open flame -- and nearly grunts out loud with the effort he puts into shoving all things Mary related back down the dark hole it slithered up from.

The woman's body burns like a live wire against him through the layers of his clothing, the memory of her naked skin pressed to his making his blood boil. He shoulders open the door and lays the lady down in her place by the weak fire. Arthur snatches his arms out from under her when she's fully transferred to the floor, slowly backing away like she could wake any second and attack him.

"Hi Uncle Arthur,"

Arthur jumps slightly at Jack's small voice whispering at him from a couple paces away. The boy is kneeling at the head of John's cot, both John and Abigail are asleep.

"Go back to bed Jack, we'll be traveling tomorrow and you don't want to be tired." Arthur chastises through a tight throat, wanting to exit the room and put space between him and the feeling tearing up his insides as soon as possible. Because absurdly, he feels...he feels fragile right now. Hot and shaky and exhausted and fragile. He hates it, hates her for kicking him into this familiar spiral. Hates that nowadays he can be so easily sucked into it in the first place.

"Okay," Jack answers as Arthur quietly leaves the cabin.

Arthur doesn't know why he doesn't immediately return to his post once he steps out into the snow, doesn't know why he sneaks a glance back inside through the frost fogged window. But what he sees sends deep cracks through the fist of stone that lives in the bone cage of his chest instead of a heart. Jack remains kneeling by his father's side and slowly begins reaching one tiny hand towards John's head. The moment crystallizes and Arthur can't move, can't breathe. The boy shakes as the tips of two of his small fingers graze the bruised skin of John's face, the side without the bandages. Jack's fingers hover after the first pet, and when John doesn't stir Jack bites his lip with child-like concentration and lowers his whole hand with earth-shattering tenderness to press against John's cheek.

Time unpauses and Arthur wrenches himself away from the window, gasping around the devastation in his chest as he drags himself back to his post by the horses. The cold night cloaks him, trying to put out the flames as Arthur stands there unable to escape the riot of emotion wrecking havoc on what's left of his soul. The stars whisper to each other above the clouds about humans and their talent for self-destruction while the moon looks on, ruler of the lonely, and is only sad.  

--

You awake with a startle and a gasp, sitting bolt upright from your place on the floor.

A sharp twang sings through your body and you try to bite off your shout of pain. It takes a moment for the hurt to finish rolling through you, and your body to settle enough so you could try and focus. Once you do get a grip you see that you're back in the cabin, and it still seems to be night time. You don't know how long ago your unfortunate encounter with that man Arthur was, but you thank any and all deities that may be listening that you're not dead.

You figure there's not much you can do right now to immediately aid yourself, but that doesn't stop you from planning. You need to be smarter and being smarter starts with gathering your wits and getting your shit together. No more fainting (if you could help it), no more escaping on a whim, no more naive honesty. You need to adapt and you needed to do it now. Tomorrow would most likely determine your fate and you refused to give fate the chance to fuck you over even more than it already has. Falling asleep is out of the question as every worry and fret piles higher and higher only to bury you deeper and deeper. You give a small start when a tiny voice clears its throat.

"You know," The young boy murmurs to you from across the room, "When I have trouble sleeping I count my Mama's breaths."  His mother (Abigail, was it?) is curled around him tight, sitting with her back against the wall, her cheek squished against the ledge of the man's -- John, you remember -- cot, and her arms wrapped securely around the boy. "If...if you want, you can count her breaths too."

You recognize that he is offering you something precious, a tiny jewel sparkling in the dark room, and it lightens the horror of the past however many days you've been here.

"Thank you, um," You blank on his name.

"Jack." He provides quietly.

"Jack, thank you Jack. I just might."

Jack gives you a cautious half-smile before closing his eyes and snuggling deeper into his mother's arms. After you've fried your brain to a crisp with worry you eventually try to rest. For a time you do actually start to count Abigail's sleeping breaths, thinking it can't hurt to try. When that doesn't work though you try to count John's, then even little Jack's. All of this does nothing but expand your hearing, making you hyper aware of every insignificant sound: the wind howling through the frozen town, the stray creak of brittle wood, the muted crackle of a weak fire in the next room over. It all pushes in on you, suffocating you with paranoia.

When you can't stand it any longer, you jerk your eyes open and quietly but swiftly stand up. Since going outside would be pointless and stupid (as you hazard Arthur or someone of this gang might be out there), your gaze targets the door connecting this room with the adjoining one. You close the short distance to it and carefully turn the rusted knob. As you open it slowly in the hopes of making the least amount of noise, you wince when it protests with a loud creak. Fuck it, you think before yanking the damn thing open wide enough so you can quickly slip through. You're halfway into the next room when you stop cold.

There, sitting hunched before the fireplace, is the large bulk of a man who's cleaning a shotgun. He turns at the sound of your intrusion and sees you frozen in the doorway. You can't make out much of his face in the dark room and he doesn't speak so you can't identify him by voice, so you both just petrify into statues.

One beat.

Two beats.

Three beats.

Then --

He silently hefts his gaze back down to his gun, effectively shattering the moment but not cutting the tension. That certainly wasn't an invitation to come in but it also wasn't a hostile demand to leave. So, naturally, you remain fixed in the doorway torn clean in half with indecision. Most of his back is facing you so only a slice of his profile is visible, and even that is blurred by the orange light of the small fire flickering in the wooden hearth in front of him.

"What you want?" His words fire like gunshots into the space between you, mirth curling like smoke out of the corners of his mouth as the air in the room becomes charged.

The baritone of his voice resonates in your memory...

Arthur?

How is it you keep running into him? Another habit that needs to be broken.

"Thank you,"

You jump at your own voice, surprising yourself, and he stiffens before ceasing his cleaning entirely. Your heart pounds between your lungs and blood roars in your ears. Why did you speak, why did you speak, why did you speak --

"For, for saving my life." You clarify, your voice tight as it fights its way out of your locked jaw and heavy with a gratitude so dense your tongue fumbles around the syllables.

Arthur doesn't reply at first, just jerks back into methodically wiping down the long barrel of his gun after a moment or two of silence.

"You're welcome." He says eventually, tone hard and carefully blank, and its what you had been waiting for apparently because as soon as the words leave his mouth you're slinking back into the room you came from.  

Your heart doesn't stop racing even as you lie back down in front of the fireplace and watch the dim embers flicker, even as you try to listen for Arthur in the next room, even as you slip into an uneasy nightmare-plagued sleep.

--

This time you awake to your wrists being not-so-gently tied together.

A man with a mean glint in his eye and a cruel smile hovering over you is the first thing you see when your eyes shoot open. He's talking down at you with loud harsh words that try to stuff themselves into your ears at the same time, all sharp edges and poisoned corners as they tumble around in your head.

"Bill get her tied to the wagon beside the other O'Driscoll and then we'll be ready to set out." Says a voice you've heard once before. A man with black shoulder length curls and dressed like he's straight out of some Victorian drama leans into your vision over the shoulder of who you now know to be Bill. His gaze is piercing and the authority in his voice is unmissable. His name evades you though as you instead struggle to grasp all that's happening.

It takes you a second to realize what the man had said, and before the increasingly familiar grip of fear can truly settle in your bones, Bill wrenches you up to stand on your feet and shoves you out the closed door. The pain of smashing front first through the door, the shock of the cold, the light of the morning, and the noise of people and horses bustling about hits you all at once, stunning you into a stand still before Bill pushes you forward again. You almost collapse into the snow at the force of it, still infuriatingly weak and still fighting to keep up on the current situation. Bill grabs the scruff of fabric at the back of your neck, scoffing his aggravation at your incompetence, and proceeds to drag you over to one of the wagons being readied for departure that are lined up on the main road.

"O'Driscoll whore!" Someone hisses at you as you're wrenched kicking and screaming down the line towards the back.

You're too disoriented and focused on trying to maintain your footing in the snow to see who it was. Though the scratch in the woman's voice sounded familiar, almost like a vulture's caw.

"Bill is all that violence really necessary?" Comes another voice you think you've heard before, tone a bit brittle with age or maybe its just the cold. You're too busy trying to twist yourself free to look up to the source of the voice -- a man who's perched on the driver's bench of the wagon behind the one you've stopped in front of.

"Dutch said she was an O'Driscoll spy, possibly one of their whores, I'm treatin' her accordin' to her station!" Is the attempted justification of your abuser, then you're yanked hard by your hair so your back is forced to press against his front, "Makin' you squeal will be so easy," Bill hushes into your ear.

You don't have time to register the pain in your scalp because his foul hot breath pours over your cheek and collects in the shell of your ear along with the rub of his course full beard, making your stomach drop in violent disgust. A revolted sound half way between a shout and a gag rips its way out of your lips and he laughs at the noise, shoving you off him to crash into the wooden lip of the back of the wagon. A scuffed up man shivers in the snow beside you, hands bound like yours are but tied to the back of the wagon like livestock. You both just stare at each other wide eyed and scared as Bill manhandles you into more rope and more knots as he also ties you to the wagon. He cackles and hits your behind hard, promising you something you wish you hadn't heard before walking off.

'The pleasure of breakin' you for my own is gonna be so much fun.'  

Incapable of anything but choking on your panic, you flinch as the rub of the harsh rope against the skin of your wrists -- twin shackles of pressure and heat that only tighten further as you try to rip yourself free -- begins to burn.

"Don't yank or you'll make the ropes tighter," You jump as the man beside you murmurs urgently under his breath, "I think this will be a long journey and you'll want to maintain feelin' in your hands or you could lose 'em."

Lose your hands? Long journey? Your breathing cranks into hyperventilation and you feel yourself spiraling --

"Hey! I-Its okay, um my name's Kieran. Whats yours?"

You look at the man -- Kieran, and try to get yourself to take his bait, try to allow yourself to be reeled away from your panic. Smarter, you need to be smarter.

"Y/n, my name is Y/n." You force out in a hoarse voice between gasping breaths, desperately searching for some stillness in yourself amidst all the chaotic noise of your fear.

"Y/n, that's a nice name. It's good to meet you even if it is under unfortunate circumstances."

You can't manage a response but Kieran looks like he doesn't mind, just offers you a grimace you assume is meant to be a smile. But his effort to calm you is in vain, because your panic rockets back up when Kieran cowers as someone walks past him towards the wagon parked behind you. The man responsible for this reaction is tall, has a build on him that displays a kind of packed strength that contains true physical ability. Though something about his shape -- in the way he moves, sparks an ember of familiarity in your mind.

"Whatchu lookin' at?" The man challenges and stops dead in his tracks as he catches you staring, his shaded eyes lock with yours under the dark brim of his hat. His shoulders hold a tension that speaks to an intimacy with violence and his hands are fisted in great balls of bone and muscle. Its his voice that hits you like a thunder clap.

Arthur.

Making use of the daylight, you quickly pick out a few defining aspects of him to match to the Arthur in your memory then divert your gaze down and away, not wanting to risk his wrath. This is apparently the right thing to do because as Arthur dismisses the both of you with a grunt and heaves himself up onto the driver's perch of the wagon behind you beside an older looking man, Kieran shuffles closer to your side and warns,

"If there is anyone you don't want to piss off, its him."  

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

It probably makes you a horrible person but you're glad you aren't alone, glad that someone else is a prisoner too -- that there's at least one person who doesn't want to kill you. And if Kieran is claiming Arthur to be the worst of them, even worse than that Bill person, you think that maybe surviving this situation isn't going to be something you're capable of.

There's some clamoring around and shouts between the wagons as everyone begins mounting up, but it all blurs for you. You shake from the panic and the fear and the cold and the hunger...you go to a numb place. One where your senses dull, your mind blanks, and emptiness yawns in your chest -- eating up everything in its path. You dissociate hard because its the only way you can cope. When reigns are snapped and cries of 'Onward!' are released into the fridge air, all the wagons jerk stiffly into motion, you along with them, and your journey begins.

--

Arthur watches the two O'Driscolls struggling through the snow behind the wagon in front of him with a knot in his stomach. It was Micah's idea to have them walk tied to the wagon and not just sit secured in the back.

The wagon isn't going fast but its the terrain that's the problem. The prisoners first try to walk in the deep tracks the wagon impresses into the snow, but their ropes aren't quite long enough to allow them that far back so they end up just getting yanked forward. Then when they abandon this tactic and just simply try to keep up with the wagon by breaking their own path behind it through the knee deep snow, they tire -- fast. They inevitably begin to slow, their ropes loosing their slack, and they are once again pulled forward. There really isn't a happy medium, and no doubt all this dragging and yanking worsens the blood circulation of their bound wrists. Bill had tied them real tight and with short leads. Unnecessarily short in Arthur's opinion but whatever, he's too tired to bring it up and he figures that was probably Bill's intention anyway.

Exhaustion consumes Arthur as the caravan trudges down the mountain, the cold a great heavy iron blanket covering him from head to toe. Dutch has been running him ragged these past few weeks -- with fair reason -- but still, Arthur's gotten maybe a total of twenty-four hours of sleep broken up in small chunks throughout the past week alone. He worries he'll fall asleep at the reigns but is thankful Hosea chose to sit shotgun and is currently demanding to drive. Arthur grunts but relents the reigns, sore from the non-stop cold, lack of rest, lack of proper nourishment, and having helped Javier and Charles hack all the left over ice that froze the joints of the wagons off right before departing. Because while the storm did break and the sun had shown for the first time in days, it didn't mean the snow was going to thaw anytime soon.

"If you feel yourself fallin' asleep make sure to lean towards me and not off the wagon." Hosea says with that familiar teasing humor of his but Arthur can clearly hear the note of concern in his voice.

"I'd crush you if I fell asleep on you old man, better to fall clean outta the wagon and risk a scrape or two then kill ya tryna sleep."

Hosea gives a wheezing chuckle at that and the sound loosens a darkness from Arthur's heart he hadn't known he'd been baring. It lets warmth into his chest and shakes the stitches pulling his eyebrows together out too. Arthur is grateful for Hosea's attempt to lighten his mood, knowing Hosea himself has been sour this past week, as sour as Arthur's ever seen him. He's also never heard Hosea argue with Dutch the way he has been before. It worries Arthur, it worries Arthur greatly.

"Well crush me then, can't have you breakin' bones --," Hosea suddenly pulls the horses up short as the O'Driscoll woman in front of them stumbles to her knees, letting out a cry as she's dragged for a moment, before forcing herself back up. Hosea lets the two prisoners get a few extra paces ahead before encouraging the horses forward again and continuing, "Once we get down into warmer country I'll make an herb paste you can put in some hot water. Drinkin' it should help you recover."

"I ain't hurt." Arthur bites out on reflex.

"You ain't well neither." Hosea immediately shoots back, accompanied by a significant look he sends at Arthur's profile.

Arthur sighs and surrenders the argument, finding he could never win them against Hosea anyway. That was due largely to the fact that Hosea was mostly always right, but Arthur chooses not to think too much on that as his shoulders slump forward and his back aches something fierce. Also the base of his skull has been throbbing since yesterday but he figures that's also due to his exhaustion.

"Bill shouldn't have made 'em walk like this," Arthur hears Hosea mutter as the woman falls again, "No point in it. Will only slow us down."

"I don't think she's a spy," Arthur admits as he rubs his face with his gloved hands, sniffing hard once he's done to keep his nose from running.

"No?"

Arthur shakes his head and scratches his beard, the skin under the thickening stubble dry and cracked from the cold.

"Caught her tryin' to steal from my saddlebags last night. I stood six goddamn feet from 'er, didn't notice me at all." Arthur elaborates with a scoff, "Plus she apologized when I caught her. She ain't no thief."

"Why were you up?" Hosea questions with that fatherly fierceness of his, completely ignoring the rest of what Arthur said.

"Dutch put me on watch." Arthur shrugs.

Hosea is silent at this and when Arthur turns to look at him, Hosea has a rather hardened expression on his face,

"He should have let you rest."

"Ah don't worry about me, I'm fine."

Hosea doesn't validate Arthur's words with a response, only frowns deeper as the O'Driscoll man does his best to encourage the woman to keep going as she struggles to stand from another fall.  

"You think she's an O'Driscoll?" Arthur questions in the hopes of distracting Hosea from his thoughts, hating the dark look molding his face into a mask of muted ire.

Hosea only gives a noncommittal hum and continues brooding. Arthur realizes why Dutch always says he reminds him so much of Hosea, they have the exact same brooding face. Arthur clears his throat and returns his gaze forward knowing Hosea wants to not be bothered for a bit. A few beats of silence throb by and Arthur realizes Charles has been awfully quiet (not that that isn't normal for Charles but still).

"How you doin' back there Charles!" Arthur calls as he turns in his seat to face the back of the wagon where Charles is sitting, huddled and wrapped around himself tight, on one of the barrels.

Charles levels him with a look that makes Arthur immediately regret asking. Clearly Charles is miserable just like everyone else. Feeling a bit sheepish, Arthur is about to turn back around when Charles' face lightens out of its exasperation as he takes a breath to speak.

"I'm doing alright Arthur."  

Arthur nods, "How's that hand?"

"Better. It'll heal a lot faster once we get out of the cold."

"Good." Arthur grunts before swiveling forward, missing the rare small smile Charles gives Arthur's back at his concern.

--

You can't feel your legs.

At first it was just your feet, but as you continue to trudge through the deep snow the numbing feeling begins to crawl upwards. Maybe its a good thing you can't feel them, they probably would be aching just as insufferably as the rest of your body is. You don't know how much longer you can keep going for, you hope its long enough, but the snow is getting thinner and thinner so you figure once the snow is gone things will get easier.

Wrong. You are so wrong.

Since karma or fate or whatever is responsible for you is a complete asshole, you quickly realize how close you are to truly losing your shit. Once you leave the mountain feeling eventually returns to your legs as you travel into warmer and warmer areas, and the pain is excruciating. You haven't eaten anything but a slice of stale venison jerky, you've been on your feet for god knows how long, you're weaker than you've ever been, and you're surrounded by dangerous people who all want to kill you. Your panic is like a new limb at this point, constantly there living in the back of your head never sleeping just always on. Like a switch you can't turn off. And it drains you, drains you of everything you are. You've forgotten what its like to not be exhausted, what its like to be strong and safe and happy.

There has been a pretty constant stream of small talk happening in the wagon behind you, but you're still so distant you don't have the capability to pay attention to what they're saying. You're in too much pain to even try.

You hear the water before you see it. Kieran begins wrapping his hands around the lead of his rope, pulling him just short of the wagon. He nods at you to do the same,

"The river looks deep and the current looks strong, you don't want your rope to snap if you fall."

Before you can ask why, you catch a glance around the wagon at the deep river flowing towards the unmistakable roar of a waterfall. The wagons cross single file a yard or two away from the drop off, the horses snorting and neighing their protest at the force of the current. Your attention spikes like a plucked wire, all your nerve endings zinging to life as your wagon nears the water. You copy Kieran and frantically wrap your wrists in the excess rope, shaking as you do. Your panic ebbs like a tide in your brain, drawing back to crest in a tidal wave as you are finally forced into the cold water.

It's deeper than you thought. Much deeper and much stronger. The current takes your feet out from under you almost immediately.  

You open your mouth to scream but your lungs flood with water. Kieran can't do much but shout for you as your head goes under. You fight to gain footing, and once you do your head bursts through the surf with a gasp and you clamp your hands around the splintered lip of the wagon, holding on for dear life as the wagon trudges on.

--

Arthur's breath had stopped when he saw her go under.

"Careful of the rocks Arthur!" Hosea calls to him, snapping Arthur's attention back on driving.

The wagon jerks in the water as the left rear wheel crunches over what felt like a cluster of rocks.

By the time Arthur looks back up, the wagon in front of them is out of the water and on the otherside of the bank, and the woman sounds like she's coughing up a lung.

"Get us outta the stream!" Hosea then orders when he notices Arthur's attention has been stolen once again, "You gotta keep us movin', but calm --,"

Arthur interrupts him with a grunt and guides the wagon out of the river, they get maybe a foot onto dry land before a resounding crack echos up against the ravine and the wagon collapses.

"Ah shit!" Arthur curses as he pulls the horses up short.

"All right, let's take a look," Hosea sighs in a very obvious tone of exasperation.

The line of wagons halt, people shouting their concerns.

"You okay?" Javier calls from the wagon in front of them.

"Everything alright back there?" Bill says almost at the same time from beside Javier.

"Does everything look alright?" Arthur snarks, voice sharpened by sarcasm and aggravation at being the reason the line is held up as Hosea, Charles, and him all hop down to assess the damage.

The two tied O'Driscolls eye the situation from over their shoulders, huffing and shaking in exhaustion.

"Well, what's going on?" Javier says from his perch on the driver's bench, swiveled around to face them and squinting to see what all the fuss is.

"I broke the goddamn wheel!" Comes Arthur's tempered reply, gesturing to the wheel that's rolled off a bit as he walks to the back of the wagon.

"Alright, let's get it fixed." Hosea concedes as he waves Charles over.

"You need help?" Javier offers as Bill rolls his eyes at the entire scene and faces forward.

"I reckon we can handle it!" Hosea assures as he makes his way to the back of the wagon, "Alright Charles you and me hold the thing up, while you try to put the wheel back on Arthur."

As Arthur picks the wheel up and begins rolling it back over to the wagon he says,

"You still strong enough to hold up a wagon?" He phrases it like a jab, but he really does want to know if it'll hurt Hosea. They could always switch.  

"Shut up." Hosea snaps with a strange opposing gentleness, a special tone he always seems to use when he's being short with Arthur.

"I'm just sayin," Arthur grumbles as he positions the wheel onto its knob.

"Well, say less." Hosea grunts as he and Charles lift the wagon with the strength of their legs and their lower backs.

--

You fight the whole body collapse you feel simmering just under your skin and hollowing out your bones. This is the longest you've been still for who knows how long, and you're beginning to wonder if you'll be able to move again. If you have the strength to take even one more step. There's grunts and the sound of muscles bashing against wood as your wagon jerks into motion again.

"We'll meet you back at camp!" Calls the voice of one of your drivers, his accent sounds Hispanic though you can't place which country.

"Alright!" Someone shouts back as your body locks up in pain in anticipation of moving.

Your feet are throbbing, your knees feel like snapping, your hips and upper body feel as heavy as stone...how much longer...

--

I will try and update as soon as possible! Sorry for such a long break!! :( 

Chapter 3

Masterlist

[canimal]

Just out of curiosity can I ask? Why don't you like the Antonin Dolohov character anymore? Genuinely curious here. Obviously, feel totally free to ignore this.

So I’ve been holding on to this Ask for several days now trying to think how I would answer it without hurting the feelings of some of the people who might read it.  Despite what you might have heard about me from other people in the fandom, I’m really not as big of a bitch as some seem to think. 

I’ve come to the conclusion that there’s not any easy way to answer this without just being completely honest.  If my honesty offends some, please know that was not my intention.  I’ve been of the opinion for quite a while now that if you don’t value honesty, brutal as it might be, don’t ask me a question.  

My love for the Antonin character ended a long time ago.  When I first started writing him in The Silver Mage’s Captive, he was intended to be this nasty, terrible creature who was violent and hateful and just… did I mention nasty?  The last chapter where he stands on Platform 9 3/4 to watch his son board the Hogwarts Express was going to go in a MUCH different and darker way.  But, the more I wrote, the less I liked making him into such a terrible one-dimensional baddie.  It was a fresh approach because up until that time, I’d never read a single story where he wasn’t just evil and awful and homicidal.  The idea of him being remorseful and regretting his life’s choices made sense to me because I’ve never believed anyone was wholly evil or wholly good.  Because there is almost nothing written about him in canon beyond having an explosive temper, I was pretty much able to do what I wanted. Even though the name Antonin is French, the last name of Dolohov certainly sounded Slavic.  I saw a Wanted Poster for Antonin from one of the movies somewhere on the Internet (I just tried to search for it, but the one I saw seems to be gone ) that said something like “May be hiding in Russia.”.  So I thought it would be interesting to write him as a wizard with Russian heritage even though it says NOWHERE in canon that he’s Russian.  I even thought it would be fun to use these ridiculous pet names my Russian ex-boyfriend used to tease me and call me for fun.  (These weren’t exactly common pet names.  They were mostly a joke, especially the ones he told me only old women used.  We were disgusting and embarrassing together. Lol.)

Apparently, my characterization of him struck a chord with readers.  That was very flattering.  Many readers enjoyed the spin I’d put on the character and it was so much fun to write him.  But, then it stopped being so much fun when I started seeing all of these other stories pop up where he was written as a broody, serious, remorseful Russian wizard.  Some even started using the exact pet names my ex used to call me as a joke. (I’ve since removed all pet names from my stories and gone back to old stories to remove them too.  I don’t even like to write Antonin as Russian anymore because of this.) Now, there is a certain thing called absorption that happens when writers read a lot.  Without realizing it, you use elements or phrases or situations in your stories that you’ve read about in other stories.  Usually it’s not a big deal.  They are usually small details and sometimes they are complete coincidences.  But I started seeing some stories where bits and pieces of my stories were reused.  And then there were a few where actual scenes I’d written were just rearranged with almost the exact same dialogue.  Plagiarism is never cool.  It’s never flattering.  It makes a writer feel used and cheap.  Please don’t do it.

Once I was frustrated by all of these characterizations that popped up that felt so much like the one I wrote in The Silver Mage’s Captive and The Dark Mage’s Captive (whether it was intentional or not), I decided to write Antonin in a different way in The Minister’s Secret.  Deciding that because there’s so little known about him in canon except that he had a violent, volatile temper, I decided to write him as more like he was supposed to be in canon.  Some readers were so enamored with the Antonin I’d written in the Mage stories that they just assumed he was exactly the same in The Minister’s Secret.  He absolutely was not.  I even had arguments with readers in private messages who tried to tell me he was one way when he actually wasn’t.  It was frustrating.  Instead of seeing him as the toxic, abusive crazy man that he actually was in that story, he was romanticized by so many readers who wanted him to be as he was in the previous stories I’d written that they just ignored all of the terrible things about him.  I used to get reviews (anonymous, of course) from readers telling me to change the end pairing of the story to Antonin/Hermione because Kingsley (at 17 years old, mind you) was a misogynist who didn’t deserve to be loved while Antonin was the perfect boyfriend. (Yeah, because perfect boyfriends freeze your feet to the floor so you can’t run away as they scream in your face.  Umm, no.  That’s called a domestic violence red flag, people.) I will still have readers who will periodically tell me that they wish they had an Antonin just like in TMS.  Umm, no, you don’t.  Trust me on this.  Abusive relationships are never romantic.

A lot of the love I had for the character was taken out of me when I wrote The Minister’s Secret.  Another incident that made me really hate him was when The Death Eater Express had a Halloween drabble writing event.  Because I dared to write a drabble where Alecto Carrow wasn’t in love and obsessed with Antonin, I received a review from someone who has admitted to me they’ve never read the books (WHY NOT?!?!) that it was completely out of character of Alecto to not be obsessed with Antonin. <face palm> No, not true.  There’s nowhere in canon where Alecto is in love with Antonin.  I wrote her obsession first in TSMC, continued it in TDMC, and thought it would be funny in The Minister’s Secret.  IT’S NOT CANON! So because of that reader and because I was just so freaking frustrated with being told Antonin was out of character when I didn’t write him exactly as I’d written him in TSMC, I deleted my Death Eater drabbles and told my fellow admins that I would never participate in those again.  Dramatic perhaps, but I was at my wit’s end.  It’s never fun to have someone who admittedly doesn’t know canon tell you when a character is out of character. 

Maybe one day I’ll like his character again enough to want to write another Antomione, but I highly doubt that will happen.  He’ll be a pretty big character in an upcoming story in a completely different way than before.  Definitely won’t be a romantic relationship between them.  And I’ll never again write him as having anything but the most distant of Russian relatives.  He won’t ever even speak Russian again in my stories because his being Russian IS NOT CANON.  

Sorry to drone on and on, but you asked me for an honest answer, so you got one.  

[ontherockswithsalt]

Resisting the temptation for 5, so 15? Please?

15. Kissing someone to stop them blurting out a secret/something they’ll regret

OMG @gimme-that-fluff. This was supposed to be a stupid nothing drabble and turned into THIS. lol Okay, let me just say that #15 is a typically absurd tv/movie device that like, never happens in real life. So it plays out that way. PLEASE NOTE that while this is The Penthouse universe, it’s branched-off a bit here. I’m not saying that this is indicative of anything in the future. But I’m not saying it’s not. Enjoy!

---

"Wait, Ben doesn't know you guys broke up?" Vinny questions me while we wait at the bar for our drinks.

I shrug like I don't want to get into it. "Nick and I are still friends. It's not a big deal," I explain. "So it's not some contentious situation." Glancing back over my shoulder, I survey the crowd at Mary's, the reserved section of tables near the karaoke stage in honor of Ben and Scott's engagement that we're all here to celebrate -- including Noble. 

"No, I just mean if Ben knows you're single now,” Vinny says. “He might reconsider marrying Scott."

A laugh puffs out of me as I take my beer that's set on the bartop and we turn back toward our table. "I sincerely doubt that."

"If you had told me a year ago that I was in love with my best friend--" Ben's on the microphone at the front of the bar. “I would have said, you’re gross.” 

Everyone crowded around the front of the stage cackles and reacts with a variety of shouts to Ben’s drunken rambling and he continues, “Not because Scott’s gross, but because I was so… in denial that I was in love with this guy who I’ve known half my life, who’s seen the worst of me, who still wanted to hang out with me when I tried to make those blond highlights happen, but we won’t talk about it. You know, sometimes people meet… that person and they just know. He’s the one. And other times--”

I return to my table where Noble’s parked himself at the chair next to mine. We had hung out for a minute when I first got here, but then wandered around separately to be social with all of Ben and Scott’s friends. It was easier than trying to pull off this act side by side like we’re still together. It’s not some big secret that we’ve broken up. Noble and I both decided, though, that this wasn’t the time or place to make that kind of announcement to these friends we had accumulated together.

By this point, one of Ben’s friends has taken up the microphone to make a speech of his own, as if we’re actually at the wedding. But everyone’s wasted so people just run with it. 

Noble angles back in his chair beside me and takes a sip of his drink before he leans closer. “So are you gonna sing, or--?”

I exhale a soft laugh. “Yeah. I’m up next.”

“I would fucking weep, Jamie,” he tells me. “If you went our whole relationship refusing to sing karaoke, and then you come to this circus and sing something. I’d be so damn heartbroken.”

With a smile, I shake my head as I bring my beer bottle to my lips. “You wouldn’t be like, ‘man, I’m so proud. Look at him up there… thriving,’” I muse.

An unexpected laugh rumbles in Noble chest and he nearly chokes before he sets his glass on the table. “More like you’ve lost your damn mind and I’d be concerned for your mental state if you were up there singing.”

“Yeah, that’d be me at rock bottom,” I admit. “Which I might be. We’ll see.”

“Don’t give me that rock bottom shit,” he mutters, his gaze fixed ahead at whoever’s on the stage. “You look way too damn good.”

Swallowing hard, I glance over at him. It’s like he’s trying his best not to look at me and he just absently picks up his glass and sets it back down.

“I’m not--” he speaks up again, waving his hand across the air between us. “Being like that--”

“No, I know.”

“I’m allowed to say you look good. I’d tell you if you looked like shit too, so it’s more about honesty than trying to hit on you.”

“I appreciate it.”

Reaching forward, he grasps his drinks and tips it back, swallowing the rest and crunching on ice cubes before he moves to stand up. “I’m getting another one.”

He crosses behind me and with a casual pull from my beer, I glance back to watch him walk to the bar. 

We had a clean break. It had to be that way because the moment one of us indulges some impulse to cross back over that line, teases the other to see if he’ll take the bait, or starts playing games, we can’t be friends. Our friendship is too important to fuck up with lousy impulse control. 

But at the same time, I haven’t managed to pursue anything with anyone else. After Vinny’s initial depression over our break-up, he offered to set me up with any number of the gay guys that he knows. But I figured the connecting thread between me and those guys was most likely one singular interest. And right now, I’ll pass.

It’s not that I’m still hung up on Noble. Just because the entire inside of my chest felt like it caught fire when he went in to hug me earlier tonight, smelling the way that he smells -- like fucking Italian espresso beans and the best sex I ever had -- doesn’t mean I haven’t moved on. 

Instead of coming back to his seat, Noble passes beside me on his way to the stage, snapping me from my faraway focus.

“Yes, Nick, get up here!” Ben calls out.

Easily, Noble agrees, his newly filled drink in hand, and steps up beside him. “Hey I have a speech,” he starts, grasping the microphone that Ben’s holding.

Ben tugs the mic back to his own mouth long enough to say, “Nick’s hands are huge, everybody please give it up for Nick.”

“I just wanna say--” Noble announces, then waits a moment for the whistling and clapping to taper off.

Already, I pull my brows together and feel like I need to hold my breath.

“--That I’m really happy for Ben and Scott. You both… get to spend the rest of your lives with your best friend. And you know, Ben, you talked about finding that person you actually want to live with… But to me, what's lucky is finding that person you can’t... live without.” He pauses for a thoughtful few seconds, glancing down to press his lips together before he goes on. “And I know you both found that person.”

It’s a perfectly suitable end point and I sit back, prepared for him to toast the newly engaged couple. But instead, Noble drapes his free hand on top of the empty mic stand and lingers a moment. “So that’s cool,” he offers with a sigh. “Not everybody finds that. You guys are lucky bastards.”

“Listen, you’ve got Jamie,” Ben pipes up from the secondary microphone that was apparently lying on the karaoke host’s equipment. “So if you wanna talk about lucky--”

“Let’s talk about Jamie,” Noble interjects, picking up the mic stand to move it back and out of the way.

“Oh god,” I mumble, sliding a nervous hand across my mouth. Meanwhile, everyone just laughs with a few whooping cheers.

“Most of you know that Jamie here is a police officer. And when I first met him, his name wasn’t Jamie, it was Jimmy--”

“Nope,” I chirp to myself and immediately push my chair back to stand up. 

“There he is,” Noble announces as I approach the stage. “This is a good story.”

I don’t rush. I merely slip my fingers into the pockets of my jeans and come closer, stepping up to join him. “I don’t know if you need to tell them,” I offer.

But he goes on. "And Nick Salcedo was a different person--"

"Nick--" I warn, wondering how difficult it would be to take over that microphone in his hand.

But Noble’s on a roll now, amusing himself. I know his state of mind is as fucked as mine. Or I guess more, because I’m not convinced he’s going to put a stop to his own confession. "--Who didn't like cops. And was pretty fond of cocaine,” he narrates. “His name was--"

Moving in closer, it takes one stride before I catch his head between my hands and land my mouth on his. 

I’m pretty sure the crowd around the stage erupts in a fit but all I can feel is the way Noble instantly gives against me. There’s hardly a second where he tenses in confusion; he’s just all in. Panic grips me, though, for a few moments longer but melts away when I feel him squeeze my side. 

Holy shit, kissing that person does something to the senses. I taste him and my heart hammers in my chest, so hard I feel it in my throat. 

When I pull away, my bottom lip throbs, my pulse racing there. But I channel that jumpiness when I hold his face between my hands and murmur, “Don’t tell that story” against his cheek. 

Then I reach down for Noble’s hand that’s still holding the microphone and bring it to my mouth to announce, “Congratulations Ben and Scott” before I bolt off the stage.

I make my way off to the side and watch as Noble blinks in surprise and coughs out a stunned laugh. He seems to search for his words and I hate that I’m charmed by that twitchy little pull at his cheek. “Uh, what I was about to say before… that very handsome, rude person came barging up here…” He manages.  “--Is that when you find someone who… makes you want to be.. The most honest version of yourself… That’s pretty fucking special.” 

Fuck me, I should have just let him tell everyone his real name. That would have been far less painful than this crushing ache that knocks the wind out of me when I hear him say that. 

People around us hoot with their applause and Noble scratches the back of his head, getting himself on some kind of track to finish this off. “And I’m so happy you two get to share that. Congratulations.”

[lucienfairfucked]

guilty or innocent: lord protector elijah wolf (formerly hawk-child)

Asked someone to marry you? “ha! someones, my dear. for some strange reason, they all said yes!”

Kissed one of your friends? "are you really my friend if I haven’t kissed you at least once...?”

Danced on a table in a bar / tavern? “spirits, no. no table can hold all of this. I did lustily cheer Sebastian on when he did, though...!”

Ever told a lie? "of course. I was a child once, after all. --I’ve told lies as a grown man, too, but those were... different.”

Had feelings for someone you can’t have? *spends about ten minutes reminiscing about the shapeshifter girl who later grew up to be the cunning hedge witch that travelled with Anansi Surana for a while before leaving them all for Realms Beyond* “oh, hmm? what was the question?”

Ever kissed someone of the same sex? "... I’m sorry, but that is a remarkably stupid question.”

Kissed a picture? ”oh, I don’t think so. that seems unnecessary. ...not to say that I haven’t kissed Fade-constructs shaped like people I missed--”

Slept until 5pm? "well, in my defense, sometimes... nights are... busy. you know. ahem.”

Worked at a fast food chain / restaurant? "put in a lot of time serving food at the refugee shelters in Lowtown. spirits, but I hadn’t realised how many of us there were.”

Stolen something? "stolen many things. money, artifacts, sensitive documents... hearts... ;)”

Been fired from a job? "*sigh* I had to stop putting in time at the shelters because I was starting to... lose it. Beast was showing through too much. was scaring people. Isabela said I wasn’t doing enough self-care. tried to make me take bubble baths and shit. Varric, though, he got me hauling and construction jobs and that did the trick.”

Done something you regret? "I’m sad about a lot of things. I’m hurt about a lot of things. I wasn’t always a good person. I wasn’t always... I didn’t always love the right way. but I’m a person. it happens. I just try to learn from my mistakes and move on.”

Laughed until something you were drinking came out of your nose? "have you seen the riotous company I keep? I’ve become very skilled at swallowing quickly. --well, truth be told, I was always skilled at that. *grins wickedly*”

Caught a snowflake on your tongue? "yes. but it tasted like ash. so I stopped.”

Sat on a roof top? "sat with Fenris on rooftops. he likes it up high like that. says he feels like... the sky is the only place that can accommodate all of him. not quite like that -- he’s more poetic than me. but, you know... I understood.”

Kissed someone you shouldn’t have? "I was young and stupid once, sure. most of us wild-raised youngins learn about consent and boundaries through some pretty epic trial and error.”

Sang in the shower? "I sing everywhere.”

Been pushed into a body of water with all your clothes on? "I don’t think anyone is strong enough to pull that off, except maybe Issala [formerly Arishok], and Issala wouldn’t do that to me.”

Shaved your head? "...well. after father died, I cut all my hair off. kept the one loc, but the rest, off. when I took my own name, when I became Wolf instead of Hawk-child, I... I finally felt like I could grow it again. hence, *gestures to his head of locs, chin-length and growing*”

Made a boyfriend / girlfriend cry? "... yes. of course. many times. I am... not always.... no, moving on.”

Shot a gun? [not in this universe lol]

Still loved someone you shouldn’t? "why shouldn’t I love someone? I mean, sure, I can be a little intense about it, but I don’t think my love is so awful that I shouldn’t share it...?”

Have / had a tattoo? "I have scarring, but I’ve held off being inked. I will be soon. I had to... I had to draw my story first. I had to draw out the things that meant something to me, and knit them together. but now I think I’m ready. Fenris will draw them into my skin for me. he’s gotten very good at it recently.”

Liked someone, but will never tell who? "this makes no sense to me, I am sorry.”

Been too honest? "no, I cannot say that I have. I’ve said things that hurt people, I’ve revealed secrets that caused pain, but it was necessary. it was good in the end. my honesty gave those people a chance to forge new lives, based on truth. I would never take it back.”

Ruined a surprise? “yes! I am terrible at keeping surprises secret! never plan a surprise party with me around.”

Been told that you’re beautiful by someone who totally meant what they said? "*smiles fondly, misty-eyed* yes. many times yes.”

Stalked someone? "yes. game, when I was young. templars, Tal-Vashoth, crooked politicians, and more templars when older. it is the same, I’ve found -- hunting game and hunting people. unfortunately... dangerously... the thrill of catching, of killing, is the same, too.”

Thought about murder? "of course. who amongst us has not?”

How about mass murder? *thousand-yard stare as he thinks about red-lyrium-tinged waking nightmares* “this is. not a good line of questioning.”

Cheated on someone? “I did not understand what cheating was until I came to Kirkwall. and apparently I was the backwards one, hah! I have never chosen to take up with people who do not wish to share, and therefore I have never had this dilemma.”

Gotten so angry that you cried? "are you kidding? I cry any time I feel almost anything. Daniel says I am just very sensitive. well, a lot of people say that, but of all of them, only Daniel did not say it to make fun.”

Tried to stay away from someone for their own good? "yes. Beast is... indiscriminate about its behaviour, once it’s out.”

Thoughts about suicide? "that was never an option.”

Had a girlfriend / boyfriend? "a what? oh, lovers! well, of course! but they are not children, so why would I call them such...?”

Gotten totally drunk during a holiday? *loud, long laughter is the only answer you need*

[sensational-fools-9]

SF9 Hi-Touch & Concert experience

As some of you know (?), I was at the Berlin concert last Sunday with a friend and I thought I might want to write about my experience!! I’ll put it under the cut for everyone who wants to read it, because it got a liiiiittle too long after all lol.

First off, the concert itself was LIT. They did a huge deal of my favourite songs, including one they didn’t do in the US, so hearing that was a pleasant surprise!! 

Their live vocals are no joke and their performance and stage presence are overwhelming. That was the third kpop concert I’ve been to, and as expected, every group so far had a very unique feeling about them. With SF9 what I noticed and appreciate very much is their honesty on stage. Like, I could feel just how happy they were to meet us and to perform for us, and how genuine they seemed - during the show as well as afterwards. And dear lord they are so handsome, Inseong was the first member I saw and I was just blown away by his sheer beauty, I tried filming the first song and f*cked up right when he walked in and I saw his face dkaslfjas. All of them just have amazing stage presence - they’re fierce when the song calls for it, they radiate emotion for their calmer songs, and all of them are just so charismatic. And they also learned a lot of phrases in German to talk to us and that was honestly so touching that they put in so much effort for their Fantasy.

Speaking of Fantasy - the other fans there were pretty chill too, I didn’t see a single one who wasn’t a multistan, and the Jaeyoon stan freaking out about the special fansign event two rows behind me in the vip line was a whole experience wow (bless u girl, there’s far too little people who bias our busan man)

But now for the actual Hi-Touch! All members did it with one hand, Dawon and Hwiyoung with the left one, the others with the right one also all their hands are so soft it’s unbelievable. The order (this time I could actually remember it lol) was as follows:

Inseong - Jaeyoon - Youngbin - Dawon - Hwiyoung - Rowoon - Chani - Taeyang - Zuho

Inseong: A while before the concert I was thinking about how I wished Inseong and/or Jaeyoon would be the first people for the hi-touch, cause I felt like they would be really good at calming the nervous fans (ergo: M E) down, and I wasn’t disappointed. He’s so beautiful with the pink hair (not that he isn’t without ksajfdlka) and he really took a hold of everyone’s hands as far as I could tell. He was so friendly and straightforward, that I felt at ease immediately. I’m usually a socially anxious person but with him being first - as well as the fact that all members just give me a feeling that I can trust them - I went through the hi-touch rather calmly. He also said something in English, I think it was a greeting but at this point I really can’t remember anymore.

Jaeyoon: WOW. He is a sunshine. A literal sunshine. He smiled so brightly I think I automatically just smiled back at him. I don’t know how to describe it well in words, but his happy aura just blew away all remaining nervousness I still felt sakjdflsa. He’s really amazing, such a warm and welcoming person. You can feel the fire inside of him and that he would make such a good hype man LOL. Also if u don’t wanna poke his dimples after having seen them in rl what r u even doing

Youngbin: OOF THE LEADER. This is getting tricky because the hi-touch went by so fast and with some members my memory isn’t as good as with others, but I remember getting a very... leader-like feeling from him (duh). His charisma is overwhelming really. He seems like a person you’d automatically respect, but also someone you can put your trust into. (Also fun fact: he and Taeyang walked past us just before we could enter the venue and wow he is so powerful truly, and also kinda smol but that might just be me cause I’m far too used to being surrounded by tall people lol) Oh and not to forget his BEAUTIFUL eyesmile!!!

Dawon: Now Dawon caught me a little off-guard, because he was using his left instead of his right hand. So I only touched his hand very lightly only a few days later I realized that was the perfect position to try intertwining fingers akjfldkas. My friend says she was confused because he was dressed like staff and I was just like???? Really???? Yeah, I don’t remember him so well, but I got the feeling he was really tired that day and not in top shape :/ He still did so well though!!

Hwiyoung: OH MY GOD. So my first reaction to Hwiyoung was thinking how he looked so much more handsome in reality than on pictures???? Like if I had to pick a member who seems the most different in rl and in pics or videos, I’d say it’s him. I just remember looking at his eyes and then his whole face and thinking how it seemed kinda more... even? Like we know he’s handsome in pics and stuff but in real life? UGH. He did the hi-touch with his left hand as well, so with him too I only touched his hand very lightly.

Rowoon: OH LORD KIM SEOKWOO. He is TALL, but didn’t seem as tall as I expected him to. I think he leaned down a little (my friend’s comment on that: f*ck off, I know I’m smOL kasjfklasj). I also remember thinking to myself that I should finally start saying “thank you” to them as I had originally planned, but then he said “danke” and I was like... what? HE SAID DANKE. IN GERMAN. IN REALLY GOOD GERMAN. I still hear that in my head kasdjflkas. So naturally I was too shooketh to continue my train of thought so I just,,, did the hi touch and moved on without saying anything whOPS. This is entirely his fault. Also my friend says he had SUPER SOFT hands and we both agree he didn’t seem as gigantic as he is!

Chani: Really I can’t remember much about him except he was sMOL and his hands too were SMOL and I finally managed to say my first “thank you” of the evening to him ksljfak. Friend says he wore his usual Chani-face and now that she mentioned it I remember it too skaldfjsak

Taeyang: With him too I managed to thank him, and I was genuinely surprised how BIG his hand was like???? WHOA there, maybe it was just in comparison to Chani’s but still. Also someone on twitter said he was sitting down for the hi-touch but I??? honestly??? don’t remember???? Anyway we all know how beautiful he is but LET ME TELL YOU if you ever see him in real life???? He is really one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, and so so graceful as he walked past us outside the venue.

Zuho: He was just,,, exactly like you’d expect him to be. As I mentioned, the whole group appears so honest, but with him especially I noticed how he fooled around on stage as usual, but also how he treated us fans exactly like you see him do in vlives etc. I will spare you all the details here or this part would get far too long (me? biased af? naaahhhh....). This is super funny though because my friend usually just goes through these kinds of situations calmly at least on the outside, but she told me when she saw him and he smiled at her she just blacked out and froze up just before touching his hand because she didn’t expect him to be THAT adorable aksljfas. As for me, I was surprisingly fine with him. He didn’t say anything if I remember correctly (my friends says he said “thank you” very silently tho??? not sure...), but it’s like instead he conveyed with his body language that he was happy to meet us but you could also clearly feel the respect he has for us. It’s difficult to describe. His hand was soft as well, but I had the feeling it felt a teeny tiny bit rougher than the others’. I was gonna say something different to him but then didn’t have the courage after all and just said “thank you” - which I still regret a little bit tbh. 

Still, I feel like Zuho was the perfect person to send us off in the end, just like Inseong and Jaeyoon were perfect for getting started. Overall my hi-touch experience was a really good one, unfortunately the staff wouldn’t let us spend more than two or three seconds per member *coughcough* maybe mmt should value quality over quantity when it comes to selling vip tickets with hi touch next time *coughcough*, so my friend unfortunately got pushed forward a few times - I was lucky with that though and could pass through without getting shoved around by the staff (also shout out to that one staff guy hyping everyone up just at the start of the hi touch line lol, he was great).

10/10 would do again, and I can’t say it enough just how safe and secure and appreciated these nine guys make you feel as their fans - even more so when you meet them for real!

Another little thing that I’m sure happened at the other concerts as well in the respective languages: all their German pronunciation was sooo so good, and Tyang even introduced himself as “der Sonnenschein der Gruppe” = “the sunshine of the group” and WOW their German just sounded so good. I also remember Jaeyoon repeatedly fucking up “euch” from “Ich liebe euch” = “I love you”, and the other members correcting him akljfa. Inseong did most of the English talking and kept throwing in German phrases, it was great, in general they talked a lot of English to us so the translator at the venue didn’t have to do much, and in the end Zuho yelled “Auf Wiedersehen” and I sincerely hope someone recorded that :’D

And that was my (and my friend’s) concert experience! If anyone has anything to add, feel free to share your stories^^

[flying-elliska]

With campaign stuff I feel like I haven’t been able to meta properly for the last few clips and it feels stuck in my system so i just wanna say...

Lucas !

That’s it that’s my meta lol. 

No, but really, the growth in that Lundi 17:21 clip just kills me. I just love it so much that the “minute by minute” thing came from him. 

Because it’s really something he’s learned this season, isn’t it ? 

People have disappointed him a lot - his parents, his friends, Yann in particular, his roommates, Chloé, Lucille, Eliott, and of course himself. He’s gotten through some very intense moments of despair, loneliness, anguish, and those were real . He can’t set those aside. Sometimes it’s going to be bad, and you can’t stop that from happening, and it’s important to recognize it’s not ‘all in your head’. Sometimes you fuck up, but also sometimes the world is a shitty place. 

But living through those hurtful emotions is also always much better than repressing them. 

And he’s learned that sometimes you have to give it a little time. Because so often the bad things happen because of miscommunication, and lack of perspective. And often - if you are honest, if you tell people what you’re going through so they can undestand, you can be positively surprised ? This is not some trite ‘let’s all talk and be friends’ shit - characters have to earn their growth. And when people hurt, you you have a right to be angry. 

But so often you’re terrified of a thing happening, of the reaction of people - but in the end, it turns out alright. They mess up but they pull through. And those who don’t, don’t really matter anyway. You have to give them a chance to know, though. 

What Lucas is saying to Eliott is basically - yeah, we’ll probably hurt each other at times. But he trusts that Eliott is among those who matters, and that if he himself ever messes up, he will be able to get it right eventually too. It’s such a powerful thing. It’s like the church parallel - a faith so powerful in each other, it wards off the fear of the bad moments.  Eliott’s painful, naked honesty is important too, that he can show Lucas how badly it hurts, how much he doesn’t want to hurt Lucas, how they can’t wave it away. They can’t pretend it will be all fine anymore, they’ve lost all their masks. But it’s good. It’s there that they can grow. 

To come back to the “minute by minute” thing - it charts a path for them where they can deal with emotions properly. Lucas is promising he won’t spend his time being worried about Eliott’s next episode, and so Eliott shouldn’t spend his time worrying about hurting Lucas. If something bad does happen, they trust themselves to live through it and deal with it in that moment, without letting it overshadow their whole relationship. They are going to have one hell of a partnership. It’s incredible. 

So much of mental illness is being terrified about the future and regretful about the past. So ‘minute by minute’ means saying okay - “now it’s bad, but the next minute is another minute, and it might be completely different”. Or ‘now it’s good again, and the last bad minute doesn’t matter anymore’. Or ‘now it’s good, let’s enjoy it properly instead of worrying about the next one’. It’s just such a powerful way of not letting your fears running you ragged and owning your head. It’s the practical application of ‘Not Afraid’ - you grab the fear, recognize it, and put it in its place. There’s something almost playful about the way he says ‘minute by minute’ and ‘hey, it starts now.’ Undaunted. 

Lucas isn’t in Eliott’s shoes. He can’t and shouldn’t assume to know what he feels, or tell him what to do. But he has such a clever, instinctive way of knowing how to give him the space he needs, the words he needs. I’m in awe. With the parallel universe talk he was saying ‘hey, the world is much bigger than you know, it might have a space for us to be happy.’

 With ‘minute by minute’ he says, ‘hey now we’re together, and the world can be as small as that if we need it to be, because what we have here, now, it’s good.’ He always knows exactly how to use his words to go get Eliott when he’s in the territory of wordless anguish. It’s wonderful. He was such a moron at times this season, and fair he’s 16, but this ? It shows the type of person he’s going to become, and wow. 

So, Lucas. (!!!!!) 

[starchaser3587]

Hey, reblog or like this if you’re interested in reading my novel!!

It’s currently still a work in progress, so you’d be reading the 1 1/2 to 2nd draft. I started editing it about a year ago but took a break because of school and work, but now I want to try to pick it back up. 

About the novel: 

Series Title: The Nightcore Saga Book Title: Dollhouse Genre: Science Fiction/ Fantasy Word Count: Just short of 51,000 (50,988 to be exact) but will be getting longer Summary:  Rune is a quiet prince with shadow powers. He also lives in a kingdom where having magic powers is outlawed.  Rogue has fire powers that match his short temper.  He's also at the top of the crime ring in a military like kingdom.  Sinder is an intelligent thief, laying “as low as possible”.  She also has a drug addiction and a knack for getting in trouble.  Juniper is an observant princess, loved by her entire kingdom.  She also lives in a materialistic kingdom where feelings and being yourself are 'overrated'.  When unlikely circumstances pushes them together, will the four be able to survive and rely on each other? Or will their differences and mistrust doom any chance of survival? Excerpt under the cut Age Range: 15+. Has some cursing and violence, but no mature scenes.

What I’m looking for in readers:

Provide Feedback      It doesn’t have to be professional feedback, just your opinion from a reader’s perspective. What you like, what you don’t, where you think something could work better or when conversation feels forced, etc. The comments can be focused on grammar, plot, or your personal opinions. I plan on doing this on a google document, so you’ll be able to leave comments for me directly in the text and interact with other readers. Be Honest      I want to try to get better! Don’t read this just to say a bunch of positive comments. At the same time, I’m asking for respectful honesty. I don't need the Gordon Ramsey of writing lol Be Kind      This is in terms of talking to other readers. I encourage talking between each other, but I don’t want you guys to attack each other Ask Questions      This kind of falls under feedback, but I want to stress that I love it when you ask questions! It engages me with my readers and it can help me find places where I need to elaborate more. Something may make perfect sense in my head, but it doesn’t always translate to text Interested      If this story isn’t for you, don’t feel obligated to read it!!

Other Things:

There are LGBTQ characters! In fact, all of the main characters are LGBTQ.

This is a four book series and while I have ideas for the other three books, only book one is written so far. This means that while YES there are LGBTQ characters, ships will not be canon within the first book! 

I do have a playlist (that is also still in the works) for the series. If you want to listen to it, I can put a link to it at the top of the document

If you have personal questions, feel free to message me! I want to respond to any concerns or questions you may have. 

Since I’m sharing this through a google doc, I would prefer to share it individually to each person (message me your email!) but if you don’t want to share your email, I’m happy to share a link instead :)

Excerpt (Tumblr screwed up the format of the text a bit- sorry!)      She pointed down the alley in the opposite direction of the footsteps. Juniper set off moving quietly. Sinder followed but picked up speed when the footsteps got close enough that they'd be able to see the two of them soon. She took a sharp right, pulling the princess behind her. They crouched behind a trash bin. The heavy, military, boots she'd heard faded past them. Juniper frowned as she listened closer. When she was certain they were clear, Sinder gave a soft exhale.       "Those weren't Goldenshire guards," Juniper whispered.       She shrugged. "Guards are guards. We're close to the Mirarras border, so it's probably them."      "But why would Mirarras guards come so far into the Goldenshire kingdom?"      Sinder rolled her eyes. Why did I decide to help her again? She gave a deep sigh to try to think of what to do next but froze when she smelled the faint scent of smoke. The Mirarras guards wouldn't come this far unless-      Lightning fast, she flicked one of her throwing knives out around the edge of the trash bin. A male voice swore as she rolled out to face her target.       A boy with white hair and fiery highlights glared at her with red eyes. Recognition flashed a moment later. "You have got to be kidding me."      Sinder crossed her arms. "You're a ways from your territory Rogue."      "You're pushing your limits too." Her knife- which had embedded itself into his shoulder- began to melt away. Sinder watched what was left fall to the ground. "That was one of my good knives."      "Don't throw them at me then," Rogue's eyes shifted to focus behind her. Turning partly, she saw that Juniper had stood up. "Didn't know you were playing bodyguard now Sin."      A spray of bullets hit the walls above them. Goldenshire guards stood in the alley across the street. Sinder swore and tossed a few knives before bolting down the alley. The others followed her as three guards dropped to the ground behind them. "It's a little more like kidnapping."      A high-pitched whistle cut through the darkness. The root of the sound came from a nearby roof. Juniper winced at the sound. "We're also running from some gangs."      Rogue snorted. "Looks like you're in a spot of trouble."      Sinder ducked a knife. "In case you didn't notice, you're the one running with us stupid! Not to mention, all this noise is going to attract those Mirarras guards to come back and look closer!"      Realization flashed on his face. "Damnit!" Turning to run backward, he sent an arc of flames towards the snipers on the roofs. Seeing that the guards had turned the corner of the alley, Sinder shouted, "Rogue! Their torches!"      "Yeah, yeah, just let me do my thing!" The flames on the guard's torches turned into long fingers, clawing at the faces of the guards. "Since I'm back here doing all the work, do you have any idea on where we're going?"      "I have an idea," Sinder said. "We just have to hope it works."      "Hope it works? Is that the best you can do?"      "Do you have anything better?"      "If I did, it'd be better than yours!"      "I have an idea," Juniper tossed in. "How about we focus on not dying?"      Rogue turned back around and glared at the princess. "Really? I thought that we were trying to get killed. The next time that you kidnap someone, can you try and get someone useful?" The last part was directed to Sinder, who was currently doing her best to ignore both of them. It wasn't going well.       "I will leave both of you behind if you don't shut up!" Sinder snarled. "Now follow me, and don't make me regret helping you guys."

[hookedonapirate]

Hello love, how about F, H, M? 😘😘

F: Share a snippet from one of your favorite dialogue scenes you’ve written and explain why you’re proud of it.

For me, dialogue and knowing what the characters will say and respond in a way that’s believable is the most difficult part about writing. Feelings and thoughts are easy, describing things or actions can be tough, but anyone who knows me knows communication isn’t my strong suit. This is one reason I love writing so much because it’s my own way of communicating. With that said, this one shot I wrote is some of the best banter I’ve written and maybe because it was a Secret Santa gift and I was trying really hard not to f***k it up. Here’s a little snippet of Give Me Some Sugar. I had fun with all of the dialogue in this so its it was hard to pick just a small section.

“Evening, lass. You must be the new manager I’ve heard about.” His Irish accent caught her off guard, sending shivers down her spine as he approache. And somehow she found it difficult to breathe and was absolutely certain that she was having heart palpitations.

She shifted a bit and folded her arms, attempting to hide the smirk threatening her lips. “And how did you ever come up with that conclusion, mister perceptive? The nametag that says ‘Store Manager’ on my shirt? I mean I could have stolen this and locked the actual manager in the back room and instead of stealing money from the till I decided to stand behind this counter just to appear to be working. I bet you were too busy trying to come up with something oh so clever and crafty to say that the thought never crossed your pretty head.” Her voice was thick with sarcasm, but the broad smile it created was well worth the effort that she put forward given her exhausted state.

His eyes drifted to said nametag and reverted back to her gaze. “Honesty, though I am quite perceptive, I didn’t even look at your nametag at first. I saw you working from the window.” The man casually leaned on the counter as she held her sarcastic glare. “And I should be offended that you think I’m just a pretty face but I can only imagine that a woman as beautiful as yourself is used to being hit on by handsome men so I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt.”

Emma felt blush creep into her cheeks and the smile she had been holding back pulled at the corner of her lips. “Ah, peeking through shop windows. So you’re a stalker? Got it.”

He chuckled. “Sorry, I should have clarified. I own the cupcake and candy shop across from here.”

Emma gave a nod, reluctantly accepting his answer. Ever since the day she started, she had been curious about the place. She often caught the waft of wonderful smells when she passed during the day and got a peak of the delicious looking chocolates and cupcakes through the window. “So you’re Killian?” The name of the shop was ‘Killian’s Candies and Cupcakes’ after all.

“Aye. Killian Jones. You’re quite the perceptive one yourself,” he taunted and she responded with an eye roll.

“Well, you never know. You could have just locked up the actual owner and stole his shop like a pirate and are just posing as him.”

He gave her a bemused expression. “You’re right, lass. Between the two of us, we could start a fraudulent managers club.”

“You know, that’s actually not a bad idea. Free cupcakes and cards for everyone.” They both laughed. “So what is it I can do for you, other than entertain your muse after you felt the urge to come over and pester the new fake management?” she asked, the laughter still lingering in her throat.

He offered a charming smile, his light features never fading and the lilt in his accent and the sarcasm in his tone never letting up.

“I actually came here as a potential customer seeking a card, if you’re still up for pretending to work. I wouldn’t want to interrupt your little scheme you’ve got going on here.”

Emma pursed her lips in thought. “Well, I might be able to help you with that, seeing as the selection is plentiful and stocked full of cards with sayings and poems that hold a certain cheesiness that matches your pickup lines,” she teased playfully. There was no harshness to her words, but she figured this was the best route to take to cover up the effect he had on her.

He chuckled, suddenly appearing to be a little shy. “Well, now that we’re on the same page… I was wondering if you had a card for a lass who I’ve just started dating. It’s our one month anniversary tomorrow and I’m not even sure if she’ll like my gift but I wanted to get her something and express my affections without being overzealous.”

Emma was a little disappointed if she were being honest, but quickly convinced herself it was a good thing and reverted her attention back to the problem at hand, making her way around the counter. “Let’s see… I think I might be able to find something.” She quickly transformed into customer service mode and carefully looked through the selection of cards in the for her section of the anniversary cards. She found something within minutes and handed the card to him. “How’s this? It’s simple and expresses your interest without being overly romantic.”

His eyes lit up as he read the card. “It’s perfect. Thank you.”

“Not a problem. Why don’t I pretend to ring you up, unless there’s anything else you need.”

“No, that’s it. I already got her a necklace and was dreading getting her a card because I didn’t want to scare her off by being too sappy.”

“Well, unless you got her a heart necklace and confessed your love in the card, I think she will like them both. And that’s coming from a woman who has a fear of commitment, so I think you’re safe,” she assured him with a laugh, hiding the regret of her words. God, why did she have to tell him that?

Killian lifted a brow, his expression full of intrigue as she rang up his purchase. She was hoping he wouldn’t elaborate as he stood at the counter, running his hand through his hair. He started to say something but then paused briefly before saying something else. “Good to know that you approve then.” His voice was light and playful as he smiled and handed her cash to pay for the card.

Bagging up his purchase, she smiled back warmly, relieved that he didn’t press her further about her confession.

“Thanks again, Emma.”

“You’re very welcome. I hope you enjoy your anniversary.” It took her about five seconds to realize he had used her name and her face contorted in confusion. “How did you-?”

“And here I thought we agreed that I was quite perceptive.”

She looked down at her nametag before lifting her eyes to his again and gave a soft shrug. “It’s not really my name but I kind of like it.” she joked as he handed her cash for his purchase and she put the money in the drawer. “It was very nice to meet you, Killian Jones… or whoever you really are.”

“You as well, Emma…”

“Swan,” she finished.

“Emma Swan. It suits you,” he smirked and gave her a parting nod. “If you’d ever like to stop by the shop that I pretend to own and try some of the chocolates that I pretend to make, you’re more than welcome.”

Her smile was beaming as she finally released his hand. “I will definitely keep that in mind.”

H: How would you describe your style?

I always have an image in my head when I write scenes and they never turn out the way I envision, I’m not as good at intricate descriptions of the physical pieces of what I imagine or describing what could be said in one sentence, in three paragraphs, but I think one thing I am good at is describing feelings and emotions, tuning into the characters and what they are feeling.

M: Got any premises on the back burner that you’d care to share?

There is one story I’ve started that was also inspired by True Blood, but it’s not about vampires or nearly as dark. And I made @onceuponaprincessworld promise me she wouldn’t let me post it until I finish it lol.

So in this story, Killian and Emma are pining for other people - Milah and her cousin Neal. Milah and Emma are best friends (don’t ask why I’ve been pairing these up a lot lately because I have no clue) and Milah persuades Emma into taking a Zumba class, using Neal as bait because he goes to the same gym to work out. It turns out Killian is the Zumba instructor and one night Emma and Killian get snowed in at the fitness center and that’s all I’m gonna say ;)

Thanks Tori : D

[chanzicoup]

A/N: I got this template from tenseoyong and I could not find the original creator to give proper credit to.

A = Announcement.- How do you tell him and the world that you’re expecting?

He would find out by sneaking through some of your things. You had been acting strange lately with sneaking off to the bathroom in the mornings and hiding your phone from him. One day you leave your phone unattended so he takes this opportunity to see what you've been up to. Looking over your messages with your mother he's shocked to see you talking about you being pregnant and asking your mother for advice. He stared at the phone until you came back and when you saw his expression you knew the truth had come out. He would be scared because you two were still so young but he reassured that the both of you could do it with a long hug. Due to his fears he'd wait a while before telling fans, not because he doesn't think they would react positively but because that'll put a lot more pressure on the both of you.

B = Books.- Did he read the books?

He would read a book everyday. Mainly when no one else was around because he didn't want anyone to know he had absolutely no idea about what he's doing. I can picture him sitting up in bed at night using his phone as a flashlight and skimming through the pages of his third book this week.

C = Cuddles.- Who cuddles the baby more?

Sadly (but not really) for you Jungkook is hogging the baby all the time. You get the joys of giving birth and he's holding the reward lol. He would be laying the baby down in their crib but he just can't force himself to walk away and you find him gazing upon their sleeping figure and you find yourself joining him.

D = Daddy.- His reaction to being called Daddy and it setting in.

It would be an awkward adjustment for him, again, because of his age. He never thought he would become a father so soon but he didn't have a problem with it. Over time he would laugh whenever a fan or something called his "appa" instead of "oppa" as a joke and oops it's his new favorite thing.

E = Empty.- Who goes to the store when you guys run out of supplies?

He probably would. Just give him a physical list and he'll be off. He'd be the one to go because he's strong enough to carry the things home or to the car if he needs it. Who goes to the gym when you're a new parent?

F = Feeding time- Who does feeding time?

Since you both are new parents you two find our niche and stick to it. So the one that's best with feeding time is you because of motherhood shaping you into a practically new person.

G = Grumpy baby. - Who is better at dealing with a grumpy baby?

Let's be honest, neither of you are the best at it. You two would just pass the baby back and forth until they calm down and hopefully go to sleep so you two can as well.

H = How?- how many kids does he want?

He'd want two since he grew up with an older brother himself he wouldn't want his child to not have a sibling. Anything for than two may be too much for him, especially if he wants his children to be well rounded skill wise. His kids would have hobbies that require his presence for support like sport events or recitals, etc.

Jokes.- best dad joke?

"I don't need condiments on my food because I relish it." (He totally didn't steal this from Jin)

K = Kisses.- His favorite place to kiss the baby.

This might be weird but Jungkook would kiss his baby's ears a lot?? He'd nibble on them too just to make them giggle or something.

L = Little.- How he feels when he holds the baby for the first time.

When the baby finally arrives after nine long months he would be jumping for joy as the doctor's handed them over to him, you being too exhausted from labor to do it right now. The fact that he's a young father would be ignored for that moment as the little life is resting in his arms. He'd sing a lullaby quietly in his honey like voice and you'd end up falling asleep along with the newborn. He's just sitting in a comfortable silence now since the doctors are out of the room currently, this is when he'd whisper those "Famous Father Promises" where he swears to do his very best for his child and to always make sure they are happy. He'd be honest and mention that there will be moments where they'll hate each other but no matter what he'll always love them. He'd never admit it if you just so happened to wake up in the middle of it all and just pretended to sleep so he wouldn't stop.

M = Mommy.- what does he call you?

(@ smut writers ) He's a sub! fight me so when he calls you "mommy" you can tell if he means it innocently or ;)ingly.

N = Nappies.- who deals with the really bad diapers?

He'd complain about it so if you make him do it all you'll hear is his whines over your baby's so it really depends on how much you're willing to hear before you do it yourself. He makes up for it somehow though.

O = Onesies- Who likes to dress the baby in ridiculous outfits?

Jungkook's fashion sense consists of white shirts and timbs so there's not much for him to go off of. Your child's outfits would be pretty boring if you never take charge so if the baby is ever in a crazy uniform it's all of your doing.

P = Pet names- names he calls the baby.

He's "too cool for school" so he'd call his baby "B" like, "ayo, B! Time for a diaper change!" but as a big joke. Your child's nickname is a joke, congratulations.

Q = Questions.- How many questions does he ask the nurse?

Clearly first time parents over hear so he's ask every question under the sun, some of which you never would've even thought of but were thankful he did because you didn't know the answers either.

R = Rely- what is the biggest thing you rely on each other for?

Going off of what I said previously you both would rely on each other to know what to do when the other is drawing a blank slate. Let's say the baby has a stuffy nose, are they sick or is it allergies? Or if that isn't the situation let's say one of you has a problem at work and it's stressing you out the other knows how to ease the stress away. Hopefully.

S = Sleep duty. - who gets up when it’s really late at night?

You know how teenagers can live off of like two hours of sleep. Well that's something Jungkook never lost and he'd take care of the baby most of the night but he'd be taking a lot more naps in the car or in the studio when he wasn't doing anything for a few minutes.

T = Trepidation.- fears as a new parent.

Besides the young age at  achieving fatherhood Jungkook would fear your relationship would change. Like suddenly you realize you didn't want to take such a big step in life with him and you decide to take your child and leave. It would never be something he wants to talk about out loud but if you two are in an argument about something he'd be the first to start crying and apologizing, even if he really was right.

U = Ultra sounds.- His reactions to the ultrasounds.

He's most likely never seen one before, so he'd generally ask a lot of questions about what was there. Where's the head? Is that a finger or...

V = Values.- what is the most important value he wants to teach your child.

He wants his child to learn that honesty is the best policy. He would enforce telling the truth and only get really mad if the child tried to hide something they did with a lie.

W = Water.- Who gives the babe the baths?

Jungkook would let you do it if you wanted to because let's admit neither of you want to get soaking wet or get baby soap in your eyes, even though it says no tear it still hurts like a mother trucker.

X = X-mas- what do you guys plan for the holidays?

He'd do whatever you or the BTS members planned. If you planned to visit your family then he'd do the same thing a few days later. He doesn't really know what he's supposed to do or if their is an unspoken rule of fatherhood during the holidays. But if your baby is still really small he probably wouldn't want to go outside much because he doesn't want them to get sick, but when they are older Daddy!Jungkook will teach your child how to start a snowball fight.

Y = Yelling.- How many fights do the two of you get in?

You guys would get into fights most new parents get into, which is mainly caused by stress from a new addition to the family and when you both go back to work to add on top of it all. After a fight you both would step back and take a breather, Jungkook would sleep on the couch or go to work depending on the time the fight happened. If it's nighttime and Jungkook's on the couch he'll get up to tend to a crying baby, not knowing you were already in the room. He kept quiet and thought about the fight and the words the both of you said during it. He would regret what he said and see that he was in the wrong and walk into the room, wrapping his arms around you and apologizing properly.

Z = Zoo- How crazy is the house after the birth?

It's a bit out of shape but it was just as bad before the baby came because y'all both just didn't feel like cleaning. After baby proofing everything in sight you and Jungkook promised to clean up more often in order to keep the household safe for the baby when they start crawling and walking around.

~Blake