#but i have to commit to making Matthew the worst possible man i can make him

[x-letsbreaksomerules-x]

debating on if i should play more da2 tonight. and if i do should i play my Fucked Up Evil Save(Pro-Templar Red Hawke Anders Rivalmance where i fucking bully everyone) or my Good Fun Wizard Save(Pro-Mage Blue/Purple Fenris Friendmance)

[feedingtheflockministry]

There Are Consequences for Your Words Towards Others

By now most people online (or those that still watch the news media) have already heard about the tragic elementary school shooting that took place in Uvalde Texas in May 2022. From childhood friends to family members of the shooter are interviewed by reporters we start to see what motivated him to murder, as well as the type of personality he had.

The Washington Post reported this about the shooter, “In middle school and junior high, Ramos was bullied for having a stutter and a strong lisp, friends and family said. Stephen Garcia, who considered himself Ramos’s best friend in eighth grade, said Ramos didn’t have it easy in school. “He would get bullied hard, like bullied by a lot of people,” Garcia said. “Over social media, over gaming, over everything.”

His grandfather, who Ramos lived with due to a fight with his mother said his grandson was quite and did not talk much. When the event happened he was in disbelief that his grandson could be responsible for such a thing.

From these statements from those that knew the shooter we can see several things at work here that lead up to this tragic event. First is Ramos experienced heavy rejection and was under constant fire from his peers with insults, mockery, isolation, and abuse. The second thing we see is he was an introvert. Introverted people many times do not open up and share with others what they are going through. So they bottle up their emotions the best they can so they can go about their daily lives. When these two factors come together though they either self destruct on their own, or take others out with them.

A lot of times these people, especially males, are told, “Get over it, be a man, and tough it out.”, but this is the worst type of advice you could possibly ever give to someone. It is neither loving or kind. In fact the victim that these words are being told to are not seeing you as a friend or family member trying to comfort them, but rather an ally of those that hate them, insult them, harass them, and make life absolutely horrible.

These tragic events that we see one person perform are not entirely their fault to bare, but also the people that shared in the creation of this individuals mental turmoil that caused a community to suffer as well as many to die.

Jesus taught us this in Matthew 5:21-26 this, “You have heard that the ancients were told, ‘YOU SHALL NOT COMMIT MURDER’ and ‘Whoever commits murder shall be liable to the court.’ But I say to you that everyone who is angry with his brother shall be guilty before the court; and whoever says to his brother, ‘You good-for-nothing,’ shall be guilty before the supreme court; and whoever says, ‘You fool,’ shall be guilty enough to go into the fiery hell. Therefore if you are presenting your offering at the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your offering there before the altar and go; first be reconciled to your brother, and then come and present your offering. Make friends quickly with your opponent at law while you are with him on the way, so that your opponent may not hand you over to the judge, and the judge to the officer, and you be thrown into prison. Truly I say to you, you will not come out of there until you have paid up the last cent.”

If calling someone a “good for nothing” (meaning a worthless human being) or calling someone a “fool” (stupid, moron, dumb, and so on) is worthy of the fires of hell itself, then how many of us today are in serious danger? But think about it for a second, why would Jesus mention this at all if there was not a significant reason for it. He is obviously stating here that words damage others on some level.

Consider this, if each insult was viewed as a grain of gun powder, and people continued to add to the pile, eventually something or someone will spark that pile and many will get hurt in the process. Each person that donated a “grain of gun powder” to that pile holds some level of accountability for the lives lost, or the emotional damage the victim inflicts on others as much as the person who did the crime.

Every person should take the opportunity to analyze their words spoken to others, correct them, and ask for forgiveness from those that they insulted or harassed. Tragic events such as the one that happened in Uvalde Texas could be avoided if we would just do as Jesus told us to do.

Walk in love towards others no matter their differences. Treat others like you would want God to treat you. For all people are created in the image and likeness of Him. So when you mistreat others, you are not only mistreating them, but you are mistreating the One in Who’s image they bare.

[i-may-have-a-point]

Review of 17x14 “Look Up Child”

It has been three years since I wrote my last review of a Grey’s Anatomy episode.  After Sarah left, I stepped away from my fan accounts and did not plan on ever looking back.  Somehow though, through the dedication of our captains and the strength of the Japril fandom, we got one more episode that confirmed what we have known all along – Japril is forever.  

The episode opens to Jackson driving through a storm and we can see in his eyes that he is fighting an internal storm as well.  He winces at his injured hand while his mind flashes through thoughts of holding Harriet with April for the first time, the pain of watching April marry Matthew, and meeting his dad.  These moments, along with many others have led Jackson yearning for more out of life, and so he returns to Montana hopeful he will find answers there.

The last thing Robert Avery expects, for a second time, is to find the son he left behind standing in the doorway of his restaurant.  

“Everybody alive?” Robert asks.

Jackson making this journey again, after the way they left things before, could only be for one reason in Robert’s mind.  Jackson reassures him that is not the reason he came, and Robert relaxes easily into his friendly charm, offering coffee and a place for Jackson to “take a load off.”  He has no idea of the “load” Jackson truly bears.

Robert is awaiting the arrival of his co-worker so they can deliver pre-packaged meals to families in need in their community.  This gesture may seem small, but to Jackson, this is a subtle sign that he on the right path.  There is more he can do than what he has found within the walls of Grey-Sloan Memorial. Their small talk is awkward, and Jackson wants to get right to what he came for – answers.  Robert has other ideas.  There are sandwiches to be made and they can talk while they work.

After following Robert to the porch, Jackson realizes this sandwich-making process is going to be more time-consuming than he thought.  And so is getting the answers he came for.  He reiterates to Robert that he doesn’t want anything from him – not turkey, not coffee – just answers.

Jackson presses his dad for information about why he left the foundation, the problems he saw with it, and Catherine’s perspective on it all while Robert deflects the questions with vague answers and praise of the ham and turkey sandwich.  Robert is not ready to answer these questions because answering them would mean dealing with the memories of the past and the regret he carries.  So instead, he smiles kindly and puts Jackson in charge of the meat slicer, which leads to the first moment in Jackson’s life where his dad taught him how to do something. (Although we all know he didn’t teach him well!) This interaction allows Jackson to let his guard down just slightly and they find they have some common views on the Avery name, money, and pressure that comes with it all.  Jackson tries some of Robert’s “best in the state” turkey and Robert opens up about his own shame and abandonment by his father. It seems pain runs through generations of Avery men.

Maybe it is that realization, or the cup of Robert’s coffee in his hand, that makes Jackson relax enough to begin opening up.  He shares his desire to do more to change the system has seen fail so many people.  He isn’t even sure if he can, but he knows he feels compelled to try.  Robert agrees that people should do what makes them happy.  He did and he “never looks back.”

But Jackson does.  He can’t stop looking back and wondering why his dad was absent from every moment that mattered.  

“I realize that it’s really messed me up…pretty badly. And, um, it just made it hard to maintain relationships and stuff.  Having this inclination to run away all the time.  And I know, I know, running away doesn’t actually solve anything.  I know that. So…and I’ve tried.  I’ve tried really hard to rid myself of the shame and the pain that comes with all that, and uh, you know just kind of doubled-down on being the best at everything – the best father I could possibly be.  I probably stayed in my marriage longer than I should have, went along with foundation business longer than I should have, but no matter what, when it gets rough I just end up right there, running into the woods trying to fight the you in me.”

What begins as a tearful explanation builds to all of Jackson’s pent-up emotions overflowing at his dad.  He is distracted and emotional, cutting his hand on the slicer with blood pouring out, while his heart pours out at the same time.  

Robert tends to Jackson’s injury, and they both feel it is a simple gesture that holds more weight than they know what to do with.  Robert tries to make light of the situation by joking about a family practice, but it is the idea of them as family that sends Jackson to find fresh air on the porch. It is here where Robert finally answers Jackson’s question of “Why?”

Running is what Robert does when things get too difficult, and that is what makes Jackson so afraid. He feels the same pull.  Just before he cut his hand, he was running down the long list of things he feels he has done wrong. Does he truly believe he stayed in his marriage too long?  No. But to Jackson that is just one more way he is like his dad.  He is so messed up by the fear of turning into Robert that he breaks things off before they get too difficult, before he gets to the point Robert did.  If he can maintain a safe distance to the important things in his life, he won’t lose them and he won’t be like Robert.  “My divorce…maybe that would have been a good time for you to step in and share some wisdom.”  This isn’t who Jackson wants to be, but he is too scared of moving in either direction – scared of moving both toward or away from the things that matter, like April.  So instead, he suffers in an ambiguous middle ground.  One where he hasn’t completely abandoned anyone or anything and one where he hasn’t fully committed to anything either.  It is a balance he has tried to find for years, but it is also what is breaking him now.  

Truth be told, even Robert cannot fully run from what matters.  From his cabin in the woods, he admits that everyday he regrets leaving, and he buys gifts for a little girl he has never met in hopes that one day he will.

“You’re not a runner. If you were, you’d have been long gone by now…you have it in your soul to do the right thing.  To makes things right.  And you didn’t just fix a disaster, you made it better…on your worst day, you are ten times the man I am.”

And it is with those words Jackson makes his decision.  He is going to do the right thing.  He is going to take what seems like a disaster and make it better.

Arriving back in Seattle, Jackson goes straight to the people who matter most.  

Catherine is his first stop. He needs her blessing to take over the foundation.  Their money and influence can make life better for all people by bringing justice and equity to medicine and build a better future for Harriet.  Catherine’s Mama-heart breaks a little to see him go, but she cannot deny how proud of him she is.

With the rain still coming down, Jackson rings April’s doorbell and stresses over how he is going to approach asking her to move across the country for him.  How can he explain to her that this is not impulsive, this is not something he is doing on a whim?  

Yet, when the door opens, all his insecurities are quickly forgotten because seeing April only reminds him of why they have always been each other’s person and how she has always trusted him no matter what.  She trusted him the night of the boards with her heart and virginity, she trusted him with the decision to induce her pregnancy with Samuel to stop his pain, and she trusted him to run away from her wedding and the life she thought she was supposed to have.  But this is different.  So much has changed in the past few years.  Would she trust him now?

Jackson will have to wait to find out, though, because April is frantic.  Harriet is sick and April cannot get her fever down.  Jackson sees how stressed she is and immediately gives April what she needs.  He takes Harriet into her arms, both consoling her and helping April calm down and have a moment to breathe.  They fall into their usual banter and affectionate teasing.

Their conversations and interactions throughout the episode give us small glimpses of what we should have had the past several years had their story been written they way it should have been.  They naturally fall into their place as the loving, concerned parents unable to sleep while caring for their daughter.  They move through the house and around each other as if this is a familiar dance that they have done hundred times before.

Harriet’s sickness doesn’t seem to be the only thing April is stressed about.  Her living room is strewn with laundry and she quickly tries to clean it up while Jackson reassures her in his “bank voice” that it is fine. Too many pillows, but otherwise, fine. Jackson continues Daddy Duty by dancing with his daughter and April gets a chance to take a much-needed shower…until the storm knocks the power out.

Jackson and April alone at night in a storm, surrounded by candles, is the perfect set-up for an epic reunion, and while they may not have utilized the kitchen counter like we wanted them, too, they did reconnect on a level of clarity and maturity that shows how much they have grown.

There is also that not-so-little issue of Matthew.  Japril fans spotted early on that April was missing a particularly important ring, but it was even more telling when Jackson asked her directly if her and Matthew are happy, and she responded with simply, “We are busy.”  For a marriage that the terrible writing of season 14 wanted us to believe was ordained by God, how sad that you can’t even pretend to be happy. That one line conveyed so much more than what was stated.  It was clear from that point that Matthew and April’s marriage was over.

April is not the only one beating around the bush.  She quickly calls Jackson out on his “cagey” behavior of commenting on her exposed brick instead of saying why he actually showed up at her house late at night in the middle of a storm.  She can read him so well she knows there is something more, which is when we finally find out his plan – he is going to take over the Avery Foundation. The catch is, that means Jackson, as well as April and her family, have to move to Boston.

April responds by questioning if this is what Jackson actually wants because it never was before.  Is he going to move to Boston and then fail or regret his decision?  And while this seems unsupportive and harsh, April has to ask these questions because, as we find out later, that is exactly what happened to her.  She thought she was choosing the right path by marrying Matthew, but not only has their marriage failed, she regrets that they even tried. But Jackson doesn’t know this yet, so to defend his decision he uses Matthew proposing to April as an example of how he unconditionally supported her which not only hints at Jackson’s jealousy, but reinforces April’s fear that making a decision this big may not be the best choice.  She sees happiness for Jackson in the safe choice.  He can continue to rebuild faces, give little boy’s hands, and help people breathe again.  Maybe if she can convince him to stay with what he knows he won’t feel the hurt she is feeling right now. “Why would you want to give all that up?”

Jackson knows he can do all of that and more in Boston.  He can make a positive change in medicine, April can continue her work with the homeless, and Matthew will just follow because it is April, and that is the one reason Jackson likes him.  “He is gonna want to follow you anywhere.”  Jackson understands the urge to follow April anywhere.  The night continues with wine, snacks, and comfortable conversation but they don’t come to an agreement on what their future holds.

The storm breaks and morning comes.  Jackson, recognizing that April has been overwhelmed lets her sleep in, and she wakes up to the sounds of Harriet and Jackson happily eating breakfast and we get a glimpse of their happy, family mornings that we all know Boston will bring.  The three of them laugh and talk over pancakes, orange juice, and throw pillows and April admits that she should have been more supportive of Jackson’s plans.  If only they could get their timing right.  

The morning has brought with it clarity for April and she tells Jackson her answer is yes.  Yes, she believes he is “that guy.” Yes, she believes this could work.  Yes, they are going to Boston.  Shocked and surprised, Jackson offers to help talk to Matthew, but we find out that won’t be necessary.  As most of us suspected, the marriage that should have never happened is over.  One of the best lines of the episode is the slight dig that the writers (Sarah/Jesse?) took at the ridiculous story of April marrying Matthew.  “We kept trying to tell ourselves that our whole winding road was God’s plan to bring us back together.  But he was still so angry and hurt.  I mean, I left him at the altar and his wife died.  You know, you don’t just stop feeling hurt ‘cause it’s a better story if God brought us together in our pain.”  Enough said. And as much as we are not sad to see Matthew go, April is hurting, and Jackson recognizes that.  He takes her hand in a small gesture of comfort because he never wants to see her in pain.  (Thank you, Jesse, for improvising that.)  He gave her a reason to smile again.  Their family has a fresh start ahead in Boston.  

The episode closes with Harriet calling out for “Mommy and Daddy” as Jackson pulls April into a hug before leaving to prepare for their move, and April folds perfectly into his arms where she is supposed to be.  Fingers crossed for new horizons.  Maybe they finally did get their timing right.

[ljones41]

"The Deconstruction of Dr. Jack Shephard"

"THE DECONSTRUCTION OF DR. JACK SHEPHARD" I have a confession to make. I must be one of the few fans of the ABC series "LOST" (2004-2010) who did not dislike the series' lead character, Dr. Jack Shephard. Before anyone makes the assumption that he is a favorite character of mine, let me make one thing clear. He is not. But for some strange reason, I never disliked Jack.  I still do not.

Throughout most of the series’ run, many "LOST" fans had consistently ranted against Jack’s faults. Mind you, he was not the only flawed character in the series. In fact, most of the major characters seemed to possess some very serious flaws. Jack Shephard seemed to be one of very few characters that had drawn a considerable amount of ire from the fans. I do not know why he was been specifically targeted by these fans. But I cannot help but wonder if the combination of Jack’s role as the series' lead character and his flawed personality had set fans against him. Now, someone might claim that my last remark sounds ridiculous. As I had earlier pointed out, most of the major characters are also seriously flawed or have committed some serious crimes. Extremely flawed characters like John Locke, Jin Kwon, Michael Dawson, Kate Austen, Miles Strume, Ana-Lucia Cortez, Charlie Pace, Sayid Jarrah, James "Sawyer" Ford, Sun Kwon, Boone Carlyle, Mr. Eko, Juliet Burke and Shannon Rutherford. Hell, the list was practically endless. And yet, the only other character who had received as much criticism or hate as Jack was Ana-Lucia Cortez. Why? Well, I have my theories. Both Jack and Ana-Lucia had assumed leadership among the castaways at one time or the other, due to their personalities, circumstances and professions. Ana-Lucia assumed leadership of the Tail Section passengers that crashed on one side of the island and remained stuck there for forty-eight (48) days. Since Day One of the Oceanic 815 crash, Ana-Lucia had stepped up and utilized her skills as a police officer to save lives and make decisions when no one else would. Jack, a spinal surgeon, did the same with the surviving passengers from the Fuselage Section on the other side of the island. In one early Season One episode, (1.05) "White Rabbit", he seemed willing to back away from the role of leader, until John Locke convinced him to resume it. Jack remained the leader even after Ana-Lucia and the remaining Tail Section passengers joined the Fuselage camp by the end of Season Two’s (2.08) "Collision". And it was not until after his departure from the island in the Season Four finale, (4.13/4.14) "There's No Place Like Home, Part II" with Hugo "Hurley" Reyes, Sun Kwon, Sayid Jurrah, Kate Austen and Aaron Littleton (the Oceanic Six) that he finally relinquished the position. Recalling the above made me realize something. Human beings – for some reason or other – expect leaders to know everything and always do the right thing. Always. And without fail. Humans seemed to have little tolerance toward the imperfections of our leaders. This certainly seemed to be the case for fictional characters who are leaders. And many fans of "LOST" had harbored a deep lack of tolerance toward Jack and Ana-Lucia’s personal failings. In the case of the former L.A.P.D. police officer, many fans had complained of Ana-Lucia's aggressive personality. They also accused her of being a bitch. In other words, being aggressive and hard – traits many have claimed are more suited for a man - is a sure sign that a woman is a bitch. And unlike other female characters on the series, Ana-Lucia lacked the svelte, feminine looks prevalent in productions such as the 2001-2003 "LORD OF THE RINGS" saga. Actually, gender (and racial) politics may have played a role in the fans' opinion of Jack. His main crime seemed to be that he did not fit the image of a heroic leading white male character. Physically, he looked the part. Unfortunately for Jack, he had failed to live up to those looks. He made the wrong choices on several occasions – choices that included his decision to continue Daniel Farraday's plan to set off the nuclear bomb Jughead in the Season Five finale, (5.16/5.17) "The Incident". It is interesting that many fans had dumped most the blame upon Jack’s shoulders regarding that bomb. And he was partially to blame. But those same fans had failed to remember it was Daniel Faraday who had first insisted upon setting off the bomb to reset time back to the day of Flight 815’s crash – September 22, 2004. And they also failed to recall that Dr. Juliet Burke's decision to set off the bomb for her own reasons was the final action that led to her death. Many had accused Jack of failing to be a proper parent figure to his nephew, Aaron Littleton, during his three years off the island. And at the same time, many had praised Kate Austen for pretending to be the boy’s mother. I found this rather perverse and a little disgusting, considering that Kate had set in motion the lie about her being Aaron’s mother. Jack (along with the remaining members of the Oceanic Six) was guilty of supporting Kate’s lie. But instead of criticizing both for lying about Aaron and keeping him from his Australian grandmother Carole Littleton for nearly three years, many fans had criticized Jack for not being an effective father figure to Aaron and praised a kidnapper like Kate for being a good mother. Ah, the ironies of life. Many fans had accused Jack of being emotionally abusive toward Kate. And yes, they would have every reason to criticize his behavior in episodes like (1.11) “All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues”. But Kate’s own behavior in episodes like (1.12) “Whatever the Case May Be”, which featured her constant lies and attempts to manipulate him and others, occasionally triggered his temper. If one character is going to be criticized for the situations I have previously described, the other character involved should be criticized for his or her own questionable behavior. Some of Jack's other mistakes included sanctioning Sayid’s torture of Sawyer, failure to organize a genuine search for the only child passenger from Oceanic 815′s Fuselage Section, the kidnapped Walt Lloyd, instigating that ludicrous search for Walt’s dad Michael Dawson and communicating with Martin Keamy and the other hired mercenaries aboard the S.S. Kahana. Yet, he had received more complaints about his relationship with Kate, along with his tendencies to get emotional and shed tears than for anything else. Once again, many “LOST”  fans managed to prove that we still live in a patriarchal society. It was okay for female characters to shed tears in very emotional moments, but not male characters. Especially if that one male character happened to be the series’ leading character. Jack's penchant for tears was not the only sign of how some fans can be hypocritical. I have written articles criticizing some of the series' other characters. Most of my articles have criticized Kate Austen. I will be honest. I used to dislike Kate very much. However, my dislike of her has finally abated - somewhat. Most of my dislike had stemmed from her past flaky behavior and especially from the fans’ tendency to excuse her mistakes and crimes . . . or pretend that she had never done anything wrong. However, Kate was not the only character given this leeway. James “Sawyer” Ford had murdered three people – one in Australia and two on the island - within a space of two to three months. Yet, many fans had made constant excuses for his actions. I never disliked Sawyer.  But I have complained about his flaws, mistakes and crimes on numerous occasions. When I did, many fans had pretended that he had done anything wrong. And to this day, I still find this frustrating. Sometime back in Season Two or Season Three, actor Matthew Fox and the show’s producers, Carlton Cuse and Damon Lindelof, made it known to the media and viewers that they were doing something different with the Jack Shephard character. They took a superficially heroic type – a brilliant surgeon that assumed leadership of a group of stranded castaways – and deconstructed him. In other words, they slowly but surely exposed his flaws and took the character to what could be viewed as the nadir of his existence. Jack eventually climbed out of that existence by the series’ last season.  But certain fans on  many "LOST" message boards and forums made it clear this was not a path they had wanted Jack to take. Instead, these fans had wanted – or demanded that Jack behave like a conventional hero. During most of Season Six, Jack had managed to avoid indulging in self-destructive behavior. He also refrained from displaying any inclination to pursue a romance with Kate. The worst he had done was engage in a temper tantrum over his discovery that the island’s spiritual "man" Jacob had been observing and possibly interfering in the lives of several castaways. Another personality change I noticed was that he had passively allowed others to take the lead without questioning their decisions. I must be honest. I never liked that particular period in Jack's emotional makeup.  It made him seem like a mindless moron. Did Jack finally become the hero that so many had demanded, when he saved the island in the series finale?  Apparently, those responsible for the Emmy nominations believed he had. Why else did they finally nominate Matthew Fox for a Best Actor in a Drama award, after the series' final season. Mind you, Fox had been giving outstanding performances since the first season. But when Jack finally became a likable and somewhat conventional hero, they deemed Fox worthy of an Emmy nomination. Dear God. Personally, I never did care about Jack Shephard's status as a hero. Nor did I really care for his passive behavior in Season Six. But I did hope that he had  finally discovered some inner peace for himself. And I believe that he did during the series’ final moments.

[ghoul-lover9000]

Random Facts about Dating Scream characters

Sidney Prescott

She never wants to go to any social functions so, if you have a party or a work function that you need to go to, she will plead for you to stay home and watch stupid rom-coms with her. 

She will laugh at you if you do a grand show of affection. Not to be rude, but she thinks it’s so cheesy that she can’t help it.

Just hug her and love her and respect her. She needs it. Sidney really takes a risk every time she dates someone because she’s been hurt in the worst ways by the people she’s dated or what happened to the people she’s dated.

The ideal person to spend a lovely night in with, playing board games and watching TV together. 

(Neve Campbell can step on my throat.)

Randy Meeks

He’s a firm believer in JiffyPop being the best popcorn. Not because it’s a better quality popcorn, but because it’s atmospheric, it adds to the tone of movie night. Trust me, you and him have movie night every week, if not twice a week. You both regularly fall asleep in front of the TV because he wanted to try to watch all of the Friday the 13th movies in one night or whatever series of horror movies he was craving.

Randy goes on rants all the time. You just need to know how to get him started. Say that Pulp Fiction is better than The Texas Chain Saw Massacre and boom. It is done. Now your boyfriend has that cute passionate little glimmer in his eyes. The only way to shut him up now would be to kiss him and even that might not work.

He’ll only sit through a rom-com if he loves you. 

So much fucking movie memorabilia. Posters, mugs, shirts, figurines, pajama pants, etc. It’s crazy. At least, you know what to get him for Christmas and his birthday every year. 

(The only film major that deserves rights)

Billy Loomis

This man is a headache. So fucking dramatic, so fucking shifty. You don’t know what crimes he’s gonna commit, but he’s up to something. 

Like Randy, you guys have movie nights, but his movie nights are more aggressive. Where Randy is just like “Hey, wanna watch The Shining? Oh, you’re feeling more Heathers tonight? Okay.”, Billy is like “It’s either Season of the Witch or Black Christmas. You get to choose.” Also, he’s a die hard believer in, if you’re watching a movie, you need movie snacks so your favorite movie candy and the greasiest popcorn ever will always be in supply. 

He tells you about his homicidal habits in the most dramatic way possible.

Billy: I’ve done things, babe, I’m an agent of terror.

“Okay, I get that, but why did you have to accentuate that news with you dragging a fresh body into my yard?”

I’m not saying that you would end up dating Stu as well, but, if you were down for some passing around, you’re gonna end up with two boyfriends.

(Look at this fucking weasel. Like I love him, but he’s a little bit of a greasy boy.)

Stu Macher

Will act like a bit of an asshole in front of people, but really he’s just looking for a good time with someone he genuinely enjoys being around.

Will sometimes randomly just pick you up and refuse to let you down. 

He’s very excitable. Being around him is kind of like having a shot of coffee. After hanging out with him, you’re tired, but it was worth it because he’s a lot of fun. 

He loves putting his head on your lap. If you and him are hanging out and you’re sitting down on a coach, 9 times out of 10 his head is going on your lap.

He’ll never tell you about his killing unless you find out or Billy tells you. 

Same thing from Billy’s headcanon. If you’re down with the poly, you’re gonna get poly.

(I don’t know what it is, but I have an affection for any Matthew Lillard character that I come across. He’s a good one. Idk)

Tatum Riley

This girl protects you with all of her might. If someone’s talking shit about you, she comes up to bat for you. 

She knows exactly how to make you feel better. Comes over to your house when you’re sad with cheesy movies, tons of snacks, and desperate need to cuddle you until you are smiling again.

She’s very sensitive to your feelings so, if you’re uncomfortable or mad or just extremely happy, she’ll feel the same. 

If you get into a fight with someone who deserved a good beating, she’s gonna be cheering you on the whole time. 

Tatum: Break their nose for me, baby.

Will slap you with the truth. Will not play games with you. If she wants to be around you, she will and, if she thinks that shirt is ugly, she’ll tell you. 

If he approves of you, Dewey is your brother now. He’ll check up on you and help you if you run into trouble. Honestly, if you’re even a little nicer than Tatum, he’ll approve of you so it’s not that hard. 

(Tatum’s like so pretty. She could slap me and I’d be chill with it.)

Deputy Dewey Riley

Darling man. Sweet man. Cuddle this man. Love him.

He’s a hopeless romantic. 

He gets you flowers, but not roses, no, no, this man gets you daisies because they look so much happier. 

Deputy Dewey makes you dinner. There’s no arguing this point. He’ll look all through his kitchen for a recipe book that has the perfect recipe to impress you. 

If you come to the police station to give him something that he forgot, he’ll get all blushy and happy to see you. All the other police officers are like “Damn, Dewey, how’d you snatch them up?”

Do anything romantic for him and he will damn near cry. 

He will respect all of your wishes and will never try to force you to do anything you don’t want to do in the bedroom. 

(Contriversal opinion, but I would trust Dewey with my life. Sweetest man ever. I would date him, but he is also invited to be my supportive uncle who takes me to Pride and takes me to get ice cream when I’m sad. Fun uncle energy 10/10)

[rainy-day-gracie]

Old Friends 5

Chapter 5!! Sorry I was busy today and didn’t get a chance to post it

Spencer Reid x Reader

Spencer helps Reader deal with nightmares. 

Chapter 5:

Coffee was an everyday thing for me. But recently it has become a necessity.

The nightmares started after the case in my hometown, and I’ve barely slept since. Not for lack of trying. 

I had my second cup of coffee before noon, and Morgan gave me a face. “Did the pretty girl get laid last night?”

I laughed bitterly. “Far from it I’m afraid.”

“Are you sure? Those bags under your eyes tell a different story.” Morgan continued to pester me all until I sat at my desk. He just chuckled and walked away. 

JJ came by to drop a stack of files on my desk, and she gave me a look too. “Did you get laid last night?” 

I dropped the pen I was holding. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

“Did you?” JJ persisted. 

“Sorry to disappoint you JJ, but no I didn’t.” I faked a sad face. “Just a late night, that’s all.” Or a couple weeks worth of late nights. 

In the desk next to me, Spencer gave me a look but didn’t say anything. 

Hotch suddenly ran out of his office and knocked on Rossi’s door. They spoke a few words, and turned to look at us. “Everyone, grab your go bag. We’ll brief on the jet. Wheels up in 10.”

---

“Holden Baxley, a friend of mine from the Boston field office called me an hour ago. He couldn’t go into details, but long story short, a suicide bomber that hasn’t been identified walked into Boston PD with a bomb strapped to his chest.”

“Oh god,” JJ breathed. “What happened then?” 

Hotch closed his eyes. “The bomb went off, and half of the Boston police department blew out with it.”

The jet was silent. 

“How many casualties?” Morgan asked. 

“17 and counting, 23 wounded.”

“Do they think it’s a one time explosion?” I could only imagine the kind of panic this would have in the city. 

“No, because a note was left at the press two minutes before the bomber even walked into the station. The note read ‘God’s wrath will be unleashed on all who disrespect the word of the Lord.’”

“Old Testament much?” Rossi looked around the jet. “The fact that the news station is across town from Boston PD makes me think there’s more than one or two unsubs.”

“Guys,” I started. “What if it’s a cult turned terrorist cell?” 

“That is possible, especially if the leader is a psychopath that suffered a loss and blames Boston PD.” Spencer furrowed his eyebrows. “The leader could’ve involved others that feel the same and want revenge against law enforcement. By taking on the persona of the wrath of God, they likely aren’t going to stop until they wreak ultimate havoc on the city in the name of religion.” 

“We have to find them before they strike again. YLN, Reid, go to the explosion site. Prentiss, Morgan, set up in the Boston Field Office. JJ, Rossi and I will interview families of the victims and witnesses of the explosion. Try and work quickly. Something tells me we don’t have a lot of time.” Hotch didn’t miss a beat. “The wrath of God is about to be unleashed upon Boston.” 

---

The entire right side of Boston PD was blown out into the street beside it. Crowds of citizens and TV news channels flooded the streets, barely being kept back by the lines of yellow tape. 

“Spencer, how are we going to respond to the press?” I asked as we pulled up in the SUV. 

“No comment, for now.” 

As soon as we stepped out of the SUV, reporters and citizens alike screamed and shouted questions. 

“Is this the work of terrorists?” “How do we know if we’re safe?” “What do you have to say to the victim’s families?” 

“No comment.” Spencer and I held up our badges and ducked under the yellow tape. 

“The psycho that blew the place up was blown to smithereens as well. We didn’t find any kind of ID on him.” A Boston FBI agent approached us. “Larry Dillman, Boston FBI.” He offered his hand to Spencer and I took it before it got too awkward when Spencer didn’t shake it. 

“I’m SSA Dr. YFN YLN and this is SSA Dr. Spencer Reid. Where was the approximate location of the original blast?” 

Dillman walked us through what was left of the front door. “About right there, when he walked into the main hall. It was noon, so there were more people busying about. That’s partly why the body count is so high.” 

“Do you know if he said anything when he walked in?” Spencer asked. 

“Witnesses have said he just yelled ‘Matthew 10:34’ and boom.” 

“‘Do not suppose that I have come to bring peace to the earth. I did not come to bring peace, but a sword.’” Spencer recited. 

“He is literally using the Bible as his scapegoat to commit terrorism.” I looked up at Spencer. “We need to get to the station.”

---

After checking out the explosion we hurried back to the station. “Hotch!” I called out. “He’s using God as a scapegoat to terrorize Boston. The massive rage confirms that they aren’t going to stop.”

“Excuse me, Agents,” a woman stood up from her desk. “There’s someone on line 1 wanting to talk to an agent from the BAU.”

Hotch pulled Rossi up to the phone and gestured to Morgan. “Call Garcia to track the call.”

Rossi slowly picked up the phone. “Hello, this is SSA David Rossi with the FBI. To whom am I speaking?”

“Is it too pretentious to say your worst nightmare?” The voice said. Obviously using a voice modulator, classic paranoid narcissist by building himself up to be some almighty being. 

“Are you responsible for the attack on Boston PD?” Rossi asked. “Michael Devons incited massive panic with a small IED.” 

“Boston PD? You mean that building full of liars, cheaters, and sinners?”

“God speaks of forgiveness, but you seem to carry a lot of hatred.” Rossi looked over all of us. “Are your friends listening to this phone call as well?”

The caller was silent for a while. “You may think we see this as a game, but we don’t. God plays no games with the people he creates.” The line goes dead and I release a breath I’ve been holding since he called. 

“Garcia couldn’t track it, probably using a disposable cell phone,” Morgan pointed to the crime scene photos. “These guys are smart, using voice modulators, ensuring their members die for the cause, so why would they call us for no apparent reason?”

“A game...” I mumbled. “You make think we see this as a game...”

“What is it, YLN?” Prentiss asked me. 

    I gasped. “What if they’re testing us? That’s why they called, to see if we could figure out their next target... Fenway Park. Are there any baseball games today?” 

“Slow down, brainy lady,” Morgan said slowly. “What are you thinking?”

“He said, ‘You may think we see this as a game, but we don’t.’ What if he wasn’t talking about the bombings but the baseball games? That’s all about choosing sides and that’s something God forbids. They would see every person in that stadium as a sinner.” I looked Hotch in the eyes. “The next target is Fenway Park, it has to be.” 

Hotch pointed to the head of the field office. “Are there any baseball games at Fenway Park today?”

“Yeah, Sox versus Yankees.”

“We gotta get over there,” Hotch said and we all ran out the doors. “Swat will meet us there.” 

---

“We can’t evacuate the stadium, that would set the bomber off early if they see people leaving,” Hotch explained as we got on our tactical gear. “Search the stadium, most likely they’re under the stands.” 

“What do we do if we find the bomber?” JJ asked. 

“Try to talk them down, if you can’t... shoot straight. Let’s go.” 

The nearly empty corridors of Fenway Park were eerie as I walked by myself. Every now and then I would hear noise from the fans, and the smell of cheap nachos filled the air. 

As I approached concessions, I looked at all the people in line. A young couple giggling at each other, a man probably in his 70s, a pregnant woman pushing a stroller. 

And an isolated young man with a giant overcoat. As soon as he caught sight of me, the guy bolted. 

“FBI! Out of the way!” I yelled. “Stop right there and put your hands up!”

To my surprise, he actually stopped. 

“Put your hands on your head and turn around slowly. Everyone else, clear out of here.”

The man turned around, a smug smile on his face. “Romans 1:18!”

He started to unbuckle his overcoat. 

He didn’t get the chance when I shot him between the eyes. 

I took a shaky breath and called into my comm. “Suspect is down. Get bomb squad in here to take care of the explosive. Fifty feet away from concessions.”

The smile was still frozen on his face, even though half of his head was blown out.

---

I was quiet on the jet ride back. He wasn’t my first kill, but my first one with the BAU, and that was sure to ensue even more sleepless nights. 

Spencer sat across from me. “You were even more impressive than usual with this case. Somehow you always raise the bar.” 

“No kidding,” Rossi said in passing. 

“So are you going to tell me about this nightmare you’re having or...” Spencer gave me a look. “You know talking about it will help.”

“Spencer-“

“Talk to me.” I could see in his eyes he wasn’t going to give up. 

“Well, it starts out with me sitting with a teenage girl. She’s a patient, and she was talking about how her teacher was... messing with her. Slowly she disappears, and the room transforms into... my mom’s bedroom. She’s standing there, yelling at me. Except the louder she yells, the more blood comes out of her mouth.” I shake my head. “I try and help her, but no sound would come out. She wraps her hand around my throat, screaming at me and spitting blood in my face. I wake up before she brings her fist down on my jaw. 

Spencer was quiet for a while. “...Could it be the apartment making the nightmares worse? Sometimes a change of scenery helps distract the subconscious from the nightmares.” Spencer twirled a pen through his fingers, and his eyebrows furrowed. 

“Maybe, whenever I’m lying awake in my bed I’m looking around my bedroom instead of relaxing.”

Spencer thought about something. “Well... you could stay the night at my place if you want. I could sleep on the couch and you can take the bed.” I could see his nervousness in his darting eyes and twitchy hands. 

I smile. “Spencer, that’s really nice but you don’t have to-“

“No, no. I want to help.” And I could tell he was serious. 

“Okay sure, but on one condition- I take the couch and you sleep in your own bed.” 

Spencer huffed a laugh. “Fine.”

---

The plane landed at 10:12 at night. Not super late, but after this case, everyone wanted to go to bed. 

Hotch had made an announcement on the jet that we could take a half day tomorrow and come in at noon. 

“Can’t wait to sleep in until 11:45,” Morgan joked on the elevator.

Since Spencer takes the train to work everyday, he hopped in my passengers seat and immediately made a face. 

“What is it?” I asked, confused. 

“Your car is disgusting,” Spencer said. “I’ve seen shantytowns cleaner than this.”

“Oh, shut up Mr. Cleanliness. A couple food wrappers does not make me a slob,” I lightly punched him in the shoulder as I pulled out of the parking garage. 

“It’s more than a couple,” Spencer muttered. 

“I’ve starting to regret agreeing to a sleepover, pretty boy.” 

---

Sitting on Spencer’s couch eating popcorn and watching Doctor Who felt so much like college that I completely forgot about the fact that I could’ve been blown up today. 

We were still watching Doctor Who on the couch when my eyes fell heavy. Slowly, my head rested on Spencer’s shoulder and started to doze off. 

I was barely awake when I felt Spencer press a light kiss on my forehead. 

His lips felt the same as they did in college. 

[padawanlost]

that ONE scene where Padmé tells Anakin they can run away from everything, and it looks like he was considering it. Hayden did an amazing job there, you could see his face softening. But once he saw Obi-Wan it all changed. He wasn’t even paying attention to her, just staring at Obi-Wan. If he hadn’t shown up, do you think Anakin would of considered talking up Padme’s offer?

I don’t think he’d have just forgotten everything but i do believe Obi-wan ended working as a trigger at that moment. I believe Padmé would have (eventually) managed to calm him down and force him to face some of his shit. Previously, we saw Anakin cry after slaughtering everyone on Mustafar so he wasn’t ESB’s Vader at that point yet. He wasn’t that committed to Palpatine, so there was still hope. Unfortunately, Obi-wan came at the worst possible time and triggered all of Anakin’s jealousy, rage and paranoid. If Obi-wan hadn’t appeared Anakin wouldn’t have become canon!Vader but that doesn’t necessarily means he would easily relinquish the power rush he was experiencing. 

New tears started, but they didn’t matter; she’d never have enough tears for this. “Anakin, can’t we just … go? Please. Let’s leave. Together. Today. Now. Before you—before something happens—” “Nothing will happen. Nothing can happen. Let Palpatine call himself Emperor. Let him. He can do the dirty work, all the messy, brutal oppression it’ll take to unite the galaxy forever—unite it against him. He’ll make himself into the most hated man in history. And when the time is right, we’ll throw him down—” “Anakin, stop—” “Don’t you see? We’ll be heroes. The whole galaxy will love us, and we will rule. Together.” “Please stop—Anakin, please, stop, I can’t stand it …” He wasn’t listening to her. He wasn’t looking at her. He was looking past her shoulder. Feral joy burned from his eyes, and his face was no longer human. [Matthew Stover. Revenge of the Sith] 

I’ve always believe that if Anakin hadn’t been so gravely injured he would’ve turned on Palpatine sooner or later. So, the question is: would Padmé be able to get Anakin to control his emotions and see reason? Personally, I like to think so but as an anidala shipper I’m biased lol 

Without external intervention, without anyone interrupting them I think Padmé would’ve been able to get him to calm down. However, that does not mean they would actually go to Naboo and live happily ever after. They would still have to deal with Palpatine and the Empire, the fact two Jedi Masters wanted him dead and, of course, face the consequences of Anakin’s actions.

[georgefancys]

police violence and propaganda in ITV’s Endeavour

“That’s not what my dad says... he says you’re all bastards.” - Tommy Cork, Endeavour, ‘Neverland’.

- first of all, I’m white, so if any black people or other poc want to weigh in, please please do. this isn’t going to be a post about race specifically (mostly because there’s barely anything to talk about, Russell Lewis loves him some white characters) but obviously since a hugely disproportionate amount of police violence in real life is towards black people, that has to be a part of the conversation.

- second of all, all cops are bastards. yes, in the uk too.

- it’s not like i’ve seen anyone in the fandom defending fictional police officers or anything (unlike, say, some people in the brooklyn 99 fandom), so this isn’t a response to anything i’ve seen, but if we’re all going to be stanning a cop show i think this needs to be addressed.

- i’m not any kind of expert, i’m just taking information i’ve learnt elsewhere and applying it to Endeavour.

- i’m very willing to debate on stuff, but read the whole post before you do.

Police corruption

so, the overarching plot in Endeavour, from the pilot to the season 6 finale, is police corruption. However, the corrupting influence is not the police force itself. Instead, it’s the Freemasons, a “secret” society. All the corrupt police officers in Endeavour, from ACC Deare to DS Chard to DS Lott are either Masons themselves, have Masonic connections, or are being bribed/blackmailed by Masons. The point of the corruption plotline is that the police are not corrupt themselves, it’s an external influence that is causing the police force problems. Our main characters are the good police officers!! They hate corruption!!

Fred Thursday

Fred Thursday is a narrative foil for Morse. His family life is a reflection of what Morse doesn’t have. This is a large part of season 1, mostly in Fugue and Home. However, he also does morally ambiguous things that Morse doesn’t agree with. For example, in the season 1 episode Rocket, Thursday is xenophobic towards a German engineer, which Morse is vocal about disagreeing with. We the viewers aren’t supposed to agree with Thursday about this, but there’s never a point where Thursday goes ‘oh yeah I probably shouldn’t hate this German dude who obviously isn’t a nazi’. He keeps his views, and this is never addressed again.

In the season 5 episode Quartet, Thursday covers up for a woman who pushed her abusive husband down the stairs, saying that he must have tripped. Morse also vocally disagrees with this. However, I think the writer intended Thursday’s actions here to be more sympathetic. Which yeah, fair enough, right? The wife doesn’t deserve to go to jail for defending herself. But the problem here is Thursday’s interpretation of justice. At no point, even after seeing evidence of domestic abuse towards the wife twice (and it’s implied that there was more that occurred prior to the episode that he knew about) does he arrest or question the husband. He thinks that because the husband died, that’s justice done. He didn’t actually try to carry out justice using the legal system. And I know that legally domestic abuse can be a tricky thing, especially in the 60s, but Thursday essentially ignores his duty as a police officer to intervene in the obvious domestic abuse situation, and then covers up for the wife. And the line that genuinely bothers me so much, and is what makes me think we’re meant to interpret his actions as good:

Thursday: God was out, he left me in charge

Like, no, Thursday, you’re a police officer and it’s your job to carry out the law, not allow an abuse situation to escalate to the point where the wife is forced to kill her husband in self-defence and then lie about it. And i’m positive that this was a quote featured on the official Endeavour Twitter page when the episode aired, so I think we’re meant to be like ‘oh yeah, that’s reasonable’, not ‘uhhhhhh wtf’.

Another, more recent example: season 7. During episode 1, ‘Oracle’, Thursday believes that Carl Sturgis is guilty of the murder of Molly Andrews - his girlfriend - on the towpath. He is questioned. He says he is innocent, and also has an alibi for the murder. Morse believes that Sturgis is innocent; Thursday believes he is guilty.

[SEASON 7 SPOILERS]

Thursday then spends the rest of the season following Sturgis around, trying to find evidence that he’s the towpath killer. Morse finds out about this and tells him to stop. He doesn’t stop. A different man is caught in the act at the towpath, and after being chased by a group of young women, is hit by a car and dies. It’s decided that he was the towpath killer.

Then, Strange searches a house that turns out to be owned by Sturgis. During this search, Strange finds a kidnapped woman, Jenny Tate, in an upstairs room. It turns out that Sturgis did kill Molly Andrews, and all of the other young women at the towpath, and that the man who died at the towpath was a copycat killer. Thursday’s actions here - stalking Carl Sturgis - are justified by the narrative because Sturgis was guilty all along, despite there being evidence to the contrary, and lawfully Thursday should not have been pursuing Sturgis after he was released from police custody.

But the worst thing Thursday does is literal police violence - and on quite a few occasions.

The “Good” Police officers

Now, I’m going to talk about two instances within the show where Thursday uses unlawful violence, and people within the CID cover up for him.

1. Coda.

(disclaimer: i haven’t watched this episode in ages, so if i get a fact wrong i’m sorry but i know the general gist is right)

Thursday is interrogating Bernie Waters, a young man with connections to the Matthews gang. He wants information about... something, I think it might be regarding a possible power struggle within the gang, or a crime somewhere. Morse is waiting outside, unaware of what Thursday is doing. He goes into the warehouse where Thursday and Waters are, to find Thursday... it’s unclear what he’s doing, honestly, the scene is framed so we can’t see properly, but it’s enough to cause Waters pain, and when Thursday lets go, Waters is bending over and breathing heavily.

Now, Morse doesn’t agree with this, and tells Thursday so. Morse: ‘I don’t remember anything about that in the Sergeant’s training manual’. He knows that Thursday isn’t above iffy conduct (he punches Teddy Samuels in the face in the pilot, and pays a newspaper salesman for information in Home). But in the end, out of loyalty to Thursday, Morse doesn’t mention it to Bright. (Similarly, in the pilot, Morse is outright asked by the CS if Thursday punched Samuels, and Morse says no, he didn’t.) Thursday gets away with it.

So, Morse is the so called “good” police officer. Telling Thursday he doesn’t agree with his methods isn’t going to get him to stop. He’s the one who people say, oh, but he doesn’t commit acts of violence towards members of the public. He just turns a blind eye to the officers that do do that.

And I don’t care that Waters is a criminal, or has connections to this gang. Police officers don’t beat up people so they give up information. That isn’t lawful.

2. Prey.

I had a conversation with another member of the fandom about this recently, and we both agreed that it really bothered us. For a large portion of the episode, the CID has in custody Mr Hodges, a park warden who offered a lift to Ingrid Hjort, a missing young woman. He’s also implicated in a similar case from around a year ago, in which a woman was sexually assaulted and left in a coma. He’s in custody for much of the episode, constantly changing his story about Hjort, but maintaining that they can’t prove his guilt. In a search of his property, Strange finds underwear belonging to the woman from a year ago, which would prove his guilt in that case. However, before Strange can return and present this evidence, Morse and Thursday are questioning Hodges again. Hodges says ‘I didn’t do it, and you can’t prove that I did’, while leering at Thursday. Thursday says ‘Can’t prove it, he says’, stands up and starts beating Hodges.

Again, this isn’t presented as a good thing. Morse attempts to pull Thursday off Hodges, and afterwards CS Bright yells at him, saying they’d just received evidence from Strange.

However, a plotline in this season is a bullet in Thursday’s lung, left from when he was shot at the end of the previous season’s finale, Neverland. This causes him pain and frequent coughing fits. And, you know, he’s dealing with a lot at home, like his son saying he wants to join the army. Bright understands this. Thursday is under a lot of pressure.

Then, Bright tells Thursday that he will write in his report that Hodges fell down the stairs on the way back to his cell.

So this time, instead of having a junior officer showing loyalty by not reporting an incident, we have a senior officer lying to protect his subordinate. And again, it’s framed like Bright is proving his loyalty to Thursday, but... police officers should not beat up people they’re questioning. Like Bright said, they had just gathered enough evidence to charge Hodges, so this was unnecessary.

Other incidents of note

There’s a lot to talk about in Inspector Morse and Lewis too, but I’m not going to elaborate on them in this post. If you want me to, drop me a reply or DM and I will. These include:

- Morse lying about his identity in order to gain entry to a suspect’s college rooms (Inspector Morse, ‘The Dead of Jericho’)

- Morse and Lewis entering a possible suspect’s flat without a warrant (Inspector Morse, ‘Last Seen Wearing’)

- Lewis entering a member of the public’s house and threatening her child by shouting in his face and grabbing his arms (Lewis, ‘Expiation’. This is called out in the episode by CS Innocent, however she doesn’t actually punish him in any way, and it’s framed as if Lewis’s actions were perfectly reasonable because the child was withholding information. It’s also worth noting that this child is black.)

- Hathaway threatening a teenager after he possibly is lying during a murder investigation (Lewis, ‘Intelligent Design’. The teenager commits suicide soon after, and it’s strongly implied that while the threats weren’t the sole cause of him killing himself, they were the breaking point for him.)

- Lewis and Hathaway hounding a suspect for the entirety of an episode despite him not being guilty of anything (Lewis, ‘The Mind Has Mountains’)

- Edit: Morse lying about a woman's involvement in several murders in order to get her a lesser sentence (Inspector Morse, 'Service of All the Dead')

General points

Often in police shows, the police officers commit actions which, while illegal, are framed within the show as being necessary evils. For example, two detectives have strong reason to believe a suspect is guilty. Instead of obtaining a search warrant, they enter the suspect’s house without one and search the place for evidence. They end up finding evidence that the suspect is guilty. Despite the fact that the detectives broke the law by illegally searching the house, they are justified by the fact that they found enough evidence to prosecute the guilty person. We, the viewers, are meant to find these illegal actions reasonable because they ultimately lead to justice being served; the ends justify the means. Well, no. In the case of police officers breaking the law, they don’t.

Conclusion

Endeavour is hardly the worst example of ‘copaganda’, i.e. propaganda specifically designed to paint the police force in a positive, rosy light. It’s set in the 1960s, it isn’t relevant in the 21st century. Nevertheless, I believe that any show where the main characters are police officers is a form of copaganda, even if unintentionally. We are meant to side with the protagonist in any media (unless they’re an antihero, which is not the case in Endeavour). In Endeavour, the protagonist is Morse, who is a police officer. The majority of the main characters are also police officers. No matter how morally grey Thursday is painted as, he is still a protagonist.

I’m not saying we should stop watching Endeavour. It’s one of my favourite shows. But, when a show incorporates police officer characters and police violence, we need to think critically about it. We need to challenge the ideas put forwards in the show instead of just accepting them. Yes, there are more important things to be worrying about right now, but I wanted to make this post because the murder of George Floyd and the ongoing riots in Minneapolis made me consider the implications of television shows which paint the police force as the good guys, because we live in a world where the police force are not the good guys. And when our media is telling us that they are, we need to stop, take a step back, and think about why that is.

Resources:

Official George Floyd memorial fund: https://www.gofundme.com/f/georgefloyd

Minnesota Freedom Fund (raising money to pay bail for those arrested in the Minnesota riots): https://minnesotafreedomfund.org/donate

Change.org petitions to hold the police officer who murdered George Floyd accountable: https://www.change.org/p/mayor-jacob-frey-justice-for-george-floyd?utm_content=cl_sharecopy_22414602_en-US%3Av4&recruited_by_id=2b2e5010-a181-11ea-8693-a9223455fd7b&utm_source=share_petition&utm_medium=copylink&utm_campaign=psf_combo_share_initial&utm_term=psf_combo_share_initial

 https://www.change.org/p/minneapolis-police-dept-hold-minneapolis-police-accountable-for-killing-george-floyd-as-he-begs-don-t-kill-me

Black Lives Matter website: https://blacklivesmatter.com/

A report of the independent review of deaths and serious incidents in police custody. This is very long, and even so only a general overview, but I would recommend Trends in deaths in police custody and suicides following police custody and section 13, Police Misconduct: https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/655401/Report_of_Angiolini_Review_ISBN_Accessible.pdf

Some graphs showing deaths in police custody in England and Wales over the past decade: https://www.inquest.org.uk/deaths-in-police-custody

Article about increase in deaths in police custody in the UK: https://www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/home-news/police-custody-deaths-uk-latest-increase-2017-a8462616.html

[roman-catholic-mass-readings]

8th February >> Mass Readings (USA)

Monday, Fifth Week in Ordinary Time

   or 

Saint Jerome Emilian

   or 

Saint Josephine Bakhita, Virgin.

Monday, Fifth Week in Ordinary Time

(Liturgical Colour: Green)

First Reading

Genesis 1:1-19

God spoke, and it was done.

In the beginning, when God created the heavens and the earth, the earth was a formless wasteland, and darkness covered the abyss, while a mighty wind swept over the waters.    Then God said, “Let there be light,” and there was light. God saw how good the light was. God then separated the light from the darkness. God called the light “day,” and the darkness he called “night.” Thus evening came, and morning followed–the first day.    Then God said, “Let there be a dome in the middle of the waters, to separate one body of water from the other.” And so it happened: God made the dome, and it separated the water above the dome from the water below it. God called the dome “the sky.” Evening came, and morning followed–the second day.    Then God said, “Let the water under the sky be gathered into a single basin, so that the dry land may appear.” And so it happened: the water under the sky was gathered into its basin, and the dry land appeared. God called the dry land “the earth,” and the basin of the water he called “the sea.” God saw how good it was. Then God said, “Let the earth bring forth vegetation: every kind of plant that bears seed and every kind of fruit tree on earth that bears fruit with its seed in it.” And so it happened: the earth brought forth every kind of plant that bears seed and every kind of fruit tree on earth that bears fruit with its seed in it. God saw how good it was. Evening came, and morning followed–the third day.    Then God said: “Let there be lights in the dome of the sky, to separate day from night. Let them mark the fixed times, the days and the years, and serve as luminaries in the dome of the sky, to shed light upon the earth.” And so it happened: God made the two great lights, the greater one to govern the day, and the lesser one to govern the night; and he made the stars. God set them in the dome of the sky, to shed light upon the earth, to govern the day and the night, and to separate the light from the darkness. God saw how good it was. Evening came, and morning followed–the fourth day.

The Word of the Lord

R/ Thanks be to God.

Responsorial Psalm

Psalm 104:1-2a, 5-6, 10 and 12, 24 and 35c

R/ May the Lord be glad in his works.

Bless the LORD, O my soul!    O LORD, my God, you are great indeed! You are clothed with majesty and glory,    robed in light as with a cloak.

R/ May the Lord be glad in his works.

You fixed the earth upon its foundation,    not to be moved forever; With the ocean, as with a garment, you covered it;    above the mountains the waters stood.

R/ May the Lord be glad in his works.

You send forth springs into the watercourses    that wind among the mountains. Beside them the birds of heaven dwell;    from among the branches they send forth their song.

R/ May the Lord be glad in his works.

How manifold are your works, O LORD!    In wisdom you have wrought them all –    the earth is full of your creatures; Bless the LORD, O my soul! Alleluia.

R/ May the Lord be glad in his works.

Gospel Acclamation

cf. Matthew 4:23

Alleluia, alleluia. Jesus preached the Gospel of the Kingdom and cured every disease among the people. Alleluia, alleluia.

Gospel

Mark 6:53-56

As many as touched it were healed.

After making the crossing to the other side of the sea, Jesus and his disciples came to land at Gennesaret and tied up there. As they were leaving the boat, people immediately recognized him. They scurried about the surrounding country and began to bring in the sick on mats to wherever they heard he was. Whatever villages or towns or countryside he entered, they laid the sick in the marketplaces and begged him that they might touch only the tassel on his cloak; and as many as touched it were healed.

The Gospel of the Lord

R/ Praise to you, Lord Jesus Christ.

----------------------------------------------------------

Saint Jerome Emilian

Liturgical Colour: White.

Readings at Mass

Readings for the memorial

There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Monday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise.

________

First reading Tobit 12:6-13 Prayer and fasting are good: but better than either is almsgiving accompanied by righteousness.

The angel Raphael said to Tobit and his son: “Thank God! Give him the praise and the glory. Before all the living, acknowledge the many good things he has done for you, by blessing and extolling his name in song. Honor and proclaim God’s deeds, and do not be slack in praising him. A king’s secret it is prudent to keep, but the works of God are to be declared and made known. Praise them with due honor. Do good, and evil will not find its way to you. Prayer and fasting are good, but better than either is almsgiving accompanied by righteousness. A little with righteousness is better than abundance with wickedness. It is better to give alms than to store up gold; for almsgiving saves one from death and expiates every sin. Those who regularly give alms shall enjoy a full life; but those habitually guilty of sin are their own worst enemies.    “I will now tell you the whole truth; I will conceal nothing at all from you. I have already said to you, ‘A king’s secret it is prudent to keep, but the works of God are to be made known with due honor.’ I can now tell you that when you, Tobit, and Sarah prayed, it was I who presented and read the record of your prayer before the Glory of the Lord; and I did the same thing when you used to bury the dead. When you did not hesitate to get up and leave your dinner in order to go and bury the dead, I was sent to put you to the test.”

________

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 34:2-3, 4-5, 6-7, 8-9, 10-11

I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

I will bless the LORD at all times;    his praise shall be ever in my mouth. Let my soul glory in the LORD;    the lowly will hear and be glad.

I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

Glorify the LORD with me,    let us together extol his name. I sought the LORD, and he answered me    and delivered me from all my fears.

I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

Look to him that you may be radiant with joy,    and your faces may not blush with shame. When the poor one called out, the LORD heard,    and from all his distress he saved him.

I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

The angel of the LORD encamps    around those who fear him, and delivers them. Taste and see how good the LORD is;    blessed the man who takes refuge in him.

I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

Fear the LORD, you his holy ones,    for nought is lacking to those who fear him. The great grow poor and hungry;    but those who seek the LORD want for no good thing.

I will bless the Lord at all times. or Taste and see the goodness of the Lord.

________

Gospel Acclamation Matthew 5:3

Alleluia, alleluia. Blessed are the poor in spirit; for theirs is the Kingdom of heaven. Alleluia, alleluia.

________

EITHER: --------

Gospel Mark 10:17-30 Go, sell what you have and give to the poor; then come, follow me.

As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before him, and asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus answered him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; you shall not defraud; honor your father and your mother.” He replied and said to him, “Teacher, all of these I have observed from my youth.” Jesus, looking at him,  loved him and said to him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” At that statement his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.    Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the Kingdom of God!” The disciples were amazed at his words. So Jesus again said to them in reply, “Children, how hard it is to enter the Kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.” They were exceedingly astonished and said among themselves, “Then who can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For men it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God.” Peter began to say to him, “We have given up everything and followed you.” Jesus said, “Amen, I say to you, there is no one who has given up house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands for my sake and for the sake of the Gospel who will not receive a hundred times more now in this present age: houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and eternal life in the age to come.”

OR: --------

Gospel Mark 10:17-27 Go, sell what you have and give to the poor; then come, follow me.

As Jesus was setting out on a journey, a man ran up, knelt down before him, and asked him, “Good teacher, what must I do to inherit eternal life?” Jesus answered him, “Why do you call me good? No one is good but God alone. You know the commandments: You shall not kill; you shall not commit adultery; you shall not steal; you shall not bear false witness; you shall not defraud; honor your father and your mother.” He replied and said to him, “Teacher, all of these I have observed from my youth.” Jesus, looking at him, loved him and said to him, “You are lacking in one thing. Go, sell what you have, and give to the poor and you will have treasure in heaven; then come, follow me.” At that statement his face fell, and he went away sad, for he had many possessions.    Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for those who have wealth to enter the Kingdom of God!” The disciples were amazed at his words. So Jesus again said to them in reply, “Children, how hard it is to enter the Kingdom of God! It is easier for a camel to pass through the eye of a needle than for one who is rich to enter the Kingdom of God.” They were exceedingly astonished and said among themselves, “Then who can be saved?” Jesus looked at them and said, “For men it is impossible, but not for God. All things are possible for God.”

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Saint Josephine Bakhita, Virgin

Liturgical Colour: White.

Readings at Mass

Readings for the memorial

There is a choice today between the readings for the ferial day (Monday) and those for the memorial. The ferial readings are recommended unless pastoral reasons suggest otherwise.

________

First reading 1 Corinthians 7:25-35 A virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord.

Brothers and sisters: In regard to virgins, I have no commandment from the Lord, but I give my opinion as one who by the Lord’s mercy is trustworthy. So this is what I think best because of the present distress: that it is a good thing for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek a separation. Are you free of a wife? Then do not look for a wife. If you marry, however, you do not sin, nor does an unmarried woman sin if she marries; but such people will experience affliction in their earthly life, and I would like to spare you that.    I tell you, brothers, the time is running out. From now on, let those having wives act as not having them, those weeping as not weeping, those rejoicing as not rejoicing, those buying as not owning, those using the world as not using it fully. For the world in its present form is passing away.    I should like you to be free of anxieties. An unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how he may please the Lord. But a married man is anxious about the things of the world, how he may please his wife, and he is divided. An unmarried woman or a virgin is anxious about the things of the Lord, so that she may be holy in both body and spirit. A married woman, on the other hand, is anxious about the things of the world, how she may please her husband. I am telling you this for your own benefit, not to impose a restraint upon you, but for the sake of propriety and adherence to the Lord without distraction.

________

Responsorial Psalm Psalm 45:11-12, 14-15, 16-17

Listen to me, daughter; see and bend your ear.

Hear, O daughter, and see; turn your ear,    forget your people and your father’s house. So shall the king desire your beauty;    for he is your lord, and you must worship him.

Listen to me, daughter; see and bend your ear.

All glorious is the king’s daughter as she enters;    her raiment is threaded with spun gold. In embroidered apparel she is borne in to the king;    behind her the virgins of her train are brought to you.

Listen to me, daughter; see and bend your ear.

They are borne in with gladness and joy;    they enter the palace of the king. The place of your fathers your sons shall have;    you shall make them princes through all the land.

Listen to me, daughter; see and bend your ear.

________

Gospel Acclamation

Alleluia, alleluia! This is the wise bridesmaid, whom the Lord found waiting; at his coming, she went in with him to the wedding feast. Alleluia!

________

Gospel Matthew 25:1-13 Behold, the bridegroom! Come out to meet him!

Jesus told his disciples this parable: “The Kingdom of heaven will be like ten virgins who took their lamps and went out to meet the bridegroom. Five of them were foolish and five were wise. The foolish ones, when taking their lamps, brought no oil with them, but the wise brought flasks of oil with their lamps. Since the bridegroom was long delayed, they all became drowsy and fell asleep. At midnight, there was a cry, ‘Behold, the bridegroom!  Come out to meet him!’ Then all those virgins got up and trimmed their lamps. The foolish ones said to the wise, ‘Give us some of your oil, for our lamps are going out.’ But the wise ones replied, ‘No, for there may not be enough for us and you. Go instead to the merchants and buy some for yourselves.’ While they went off to buy it, the bridegroom came and those who were ready went into the wedding feast with him. Then the door was locked. Afterwards the other virgins came and said, ‘Lord, Lord, open the door for us!’ But he said in reply, ‘Amen, I say to you, I do not know you.’ Therefore, stay awake, for you know neither the day nor the hour.”

[kalluun-patangaroa]

SUEDE: THE FAN-ISH INQUISITION

www.nme.com, April 5-7, 1999

You asked and they answered. NME caught up with Suede and put your questions to them.

Day 1 (April 5)

What’s the worst insult anyone’s shouted at you? (Fred Telfer, London)

Mat: “‘Effete southern wankers.’ Someone shouted that repeatedly through our first ever Scottish gig.”

Simon: “I was in the toilet at that gig, and this bloke came up to me and said, ‘Have you seen Sede? I’m going to smash their teeth in.’ I just pretended to be from Scotland. The hard part.”

Brett: “Someone once shouted, ‘You sound like Rod Stewart.'”

Mat: “No, they said, ‘We remember Rod Stewart.'”

Brett: “Oh, that’s it. That was at a time when everyone was into bands like The Wonder Stuff, and we were playing ballads. I think the Scottish crowd thought we were old hat.”

Brett, did your arse ever get sore from hitting it with your tambourine? (Kieren Kelly, Ireland)

Brett: “I used to get a lot of bruising, that’s why I don’t do it any more. I put my aggression into singing these days rather than self-flagellation.”

Are there any songs you wish you’d never written? (Debbie Harding, York)

Brett: “‘Stay Together’. I don’t know why, it’s just not one of my favourites. It was the sole time in our career when one of our records has been successful because of hype. We’ve been accused of that a lot, but that was the only time when it was true. It was just style over content.”

Neil: “I’ve only written three, so I haven’t got much to regret.”

I read somewhere that after you moved out of one of your flats, the council had to have it fumigated. Is that true? And do you like vacuuming as much as Nicky Wire? (Gary Regis, Leicester)

Mat: “That was in The Mirror, wasn’t it?”

Brett: “That’s a bit of an exaggeration. What happened was we were in the middle of a tour, and we finished a gig and I had one too many shandies and a couple of other things, and I was moving house.

“Me and a couple of friends were sitting on my bed while these removal men went around my house throwing things in plastic bags while we were off our tits. It was a bit of a mess when we left, and I apologise to the people who moved in afterwards.

“These days I find vacuuming and washing-up quite therapeutic. I hate having a messy house, it makes me really depressed, so I try to keep my environment clean.”

Which one of you has got the biggest ego? (Softywat, West Sussex)

Brett: “Definitely not me, ha ha. I don’t think any of us has got a big ego, to be honest. It’s another popular misconception about the band. We don’t all need to be pampered, none of us are that fragile. Possibly a few years ago, I had a bit of one, but I think I’ve managed to chip away at that. I don’t feel particularly ego-driven any more.”

If you could stick pins in a voodoo doll of anybody on earth, who would it be? (Kirsty Irving, Grimsby)

Brett: “I don’t have any bad intentions to anyone really. I think when you have bad intentions to other people, you’re just looking for someone else to blame for where you’ve gone wrong with your life. It’s just a coward’s way out, and I try not to entertain thoughts like that. So, nobody.”

What were the first records you bought? (Emily Mugford, Chertsey)

Richard: “My first record was ‘Thriller’ by Michael Jackson. I think I was about six.”

Brett: “‘Never Mind The Bollocks…’ by the Sex Pistols was the first album I bought, and the first single was ‘Wuthering Heights’ by Kate Bush.”

Mat: “I think it was ‘Abba – The Album’. The one with ‘Thank You For The Music’ on it, anyway.”

Neil: “Mine was ‘Another Brick In The Wall (Part Two)’.”

Brett: “Woah, what a record!”

Mat: “What a youngster!”

Neil: “I thought it was amazing.”

Brett: “I loved the video with all the kids and that. I used to have the sleeve painted on my wall. The headmaster.”

Simon: “Ever? David Bowie, ‘Low’. Shall I tell you why? I thought he was a punk, because he had orange hair. I then went out and bought ‘Never Mind The Bollocks…’ after that.”

Brett, were you good at games at school? (Clint Stone, Yeovil) 

Brett: “Yeah, I was actually. When you’re young, sport is really important, or at least it was at my school. I held the school record for the 800m for a couple of years. I was a good middle-distance runner. I used to play for the county at football as well.

“It was the only way to avoid getting beaten up. All the bullies tended to leave the kids who were good at sport alone, and not take them into the corner of the field and kick shit out of them. I fancied being an athlete when I was a kid, and then what happens, you get into cigarettes and girls and pop music, and you just end up a fat bloated fool.”

Which member of Suede can drink the most beer? (Mike Crisp, Brighton)

Mat: “Richard, probably.”

Richard: “I don’t think so.”

Brett: “Well, you’re the one who regularly empties their mini-bar wherever we go. Even if we’ve got day rooms. He brushes his teeth with vodka, he does.”

Richard: “Not really.”

Brett: “Well, yes. Who are you trying to kid? This is the man who has a bar in his bag. You sit in the back of a taxi with him and when you get out there’s glasses littered everywhere. That’s no exaggeration. After the pubs shut, you don’t try to find a dodgy offie, you just look in Richard‘s bag. That’s the truth, Mate.”

Simon: “He drinks anything, him.”

What do you say to NME’s editor, who recently included you alongside Ocean Colour Scene, Cast and Reef in a list of bands who “have nothing to say” (NME, April 3)? (Dave Thorley, Shropshire)

Brett: “I don’t think it’s true, to be honest.”

Mat: “There’s always this assumption that if you have something to say, you have to say it in terms of politics and social conditions.”

Brett: “I totally agree. When we’re in places like Germany, we’re always asked, ‘Why are you not political?’ and my answer to that is always the same. If you don’t understand the politics of the songs, then you haven’t looked into them. The songs aren’t flag-waving, they’re more subtle than that.

“I think I’m getting more interested in the music as I’m getting older, but I don’t think that’s a bad thing. I don’t think you lose that fire for life. As long as you’re inspired and have a real passion and rage for your music, that’s something to say in itself. That’s not a cop-out, that’s just how I feel about music and the band.”

Brett, you’re always photographed wearing a silver bracelet. Who gave it to you? (Samantha Jones, London)

Brett: “It was from a fan, actually. Someone sent it to me for my birthday. It’s just a cheap, silver-plated one, but I like it. I’m quite superstitious, and I wear a lot of my jewellery for that reason. This bracelet is a perfect example, it’s been quite lucky. I wrote lots of the album wearing it, so it’ll continue to be on my wrist until something goes wrong.”

When was the last time you cried, and why? (Gontie Tommy, Belgium)

Brett: “I think the last film that I cried at was Watership Down when I was young. The closing scene was really fucking sad.

“My sister used to read books to me, she liked reading to me so much she used to pay me 2p an hour to listen. She’d read stuff like Watership Down and Lord Of The Rings, and I’d cry at that too.”

Simon: “I don’t think I’ve ever cried while watching a film.”

Brett: “Neil?”

Neil: “Nah.”

Simon: “Oh, he’s a butch lad.”

Day 2 (April 6)

Have you dumbed down your lyrics to the point where they’re patronising to the listener? (Tom Stubbs, Dartford)

Brett: “I don’t think they are patronising. If you want to look for intelligence in lyrics, there’s a lot more of it in simplicity. I think the lyrics to our new album are a lot more intelligent than anything on ‘Dog Man Star’.”

Mat: “There’s a difference between dumbing down and being universal. The majority of people who buy Suede records aren’t English, their first language isn’t English.”

Brett: “When you go abroad people are just mystified about what the early stuff is all about. This is an interview for an English music paper, so everyone knows all the cultural reference points, but there’s a whole world out there and I think it’s important to communicate to them as well.

“As I’ve said before, the blueprint for a lot of lyrics on this album came from reading writers I really like, like Camus. His words are just like a simple painting of a triangle or a square or something. There’s nothing clever-clever about them, they’re just there. They describe a situation with a couple of simple brush strokes. That’s what I was trying to do on ‘Head Music’, and if that’s patronising, then sue me.”

What sort of cigarettes do you smoke? (Laura Pike, Aberdeen)

Brett: “Benson & Hedges. It’s always been the same. Mat smokes Silk Cut, but then he doesn’t count.”

If you could be any character in EastEnders, who would it be? (Sarah Glanville, London)

Brett: “I quite like Matthew Rose. I like the real ones P Matthew, Tony, people like that. I can imagine being one of them, they’re in the same sort of age-band. I really like the Mitchells as well.

“Actually, I think I’d be like Phil in the old days. He’s lost the plot a bit as a character since he gave up drink, but I used to love Phil. I’d regularly have dreams about hanging out with him and Grant, and committing various crimes.”

Simon: “I’d be Ian Beale, because I’ve always wanted to own a 50p/’1 shop.”

Brett: “Everyone hates him though, he’s the most hated man in the square.”

Simon: “Suits me.”

Neil: “I’d be Reg Cox (Reg Cox was found dead in the first episode after never speaking a word P EastEnders Ed).”

Richard: “I’d like to be Nick Cotton, but I don’t think I could pull it off. Every time he’s been in it, it’s been great. The time he tried to murder Dot was brilliant.”

Brett: “The best one was when he came back and pretended to be a Christian. That was really sinister. And I love Dot Cotton. Charlie was great as well.”

Tell us about your brown rice diet… (Johnny Robinson, Kettering)

Brett: “I still eat brown rice every morning. You get hooked on it, because it’s just so clean and good for you. I’m really looking after my body at the moment. I spent so many years abusing it, it’s time to give it a break I think.”

Mat: “I met someone at a Super Furry Animals gig who was such a Suede fan he’d started just eating brown rice. I was trying to convince him that you don’t have to do that to be a Suede fan. He should have seen Brett a few minutes earlier, he had a whole load of prawns stuffed into his mouth.”

Brett: “You’ve got to make sure you get the right sort of rice. It can’t just be brown, it’s got to be wholegrain. What I recommend to our fans is go to a standard Indian restaurant and have a fish masala. That’s very nice. I eat like a horse these days. Brown rice just gives you energy.”

Brett, did you ever want to punch Damon Albarn? (Paperback Rioter, Walthamstow)

Brett: “Punch? Nah, I’m not a violent person. Lots of people have had a go at me, but you just have to learn to deal with it because you’re always going to be a target for someone.”

Suede always seem well-groomed. How vain are you? (Jackie Long, Manchester)

Brett: “Personally, I’m pretty vain. You can only afford not to be if you’re really confident about yourself. If you’re always sticking your face in front of a camera and looking like a dog, you try to do something about it, don’t you? I spend a lot of time looking in the mirror just to iron the creases and get rid of stray bits of fluff.

“Simon‘s quite vain. The first thing he does when he gets into a hotel room is unpack his huge case of toiletries. He’s got five different sorts of aftershave, you name it. So actually, he’s the vainest member of the band, and probably the best dressed.”

Simon: “Yes, I’m glad you’ve noticed my Gucci shirt. Mat‘s got the best shoes, though.”

Mat: “They’re from Prada.”

Richard: “They’ve still got that revolting stain on them.”

Mat: “(Sheepishly) Yeah, someone was sick on them. Me, actually.”

Brett, are you still an eco-warrior (A reference to a recently unearthed school essay in which Brett complained about vandals defacing trees)? (Leonard Brown, Portsmouth)

Brett: “Oh God! I was eight years old. Listen, right, all that stuff from my past, anyone who wants to criticise that, I’d like to ask them what they were like when they were that age. When you’re eight years old you’re not boozing and injecting drugs into your eyes, are you? You’re just into stupid things. And no, I’m not an eco-warrior, it’s not something that keeps me awake at night.”

Neil: “He does live in a tree, though.”

Brett: “I have concessions to a green lifestyle, but it’s only buying eco-friendly washing powder. I’m not obsessive about it.”

Is it true you only listen to your own music and surround yourself with people who admire you in obsessive and fanatic ways? (Moa Ranum, Sweden)

Brett: “No, that’s bollocks. A lot of my close friends are into the band, but there are a lot of friends who’ve never heard a Suede song. A lot of our friends are ravers, and the music we make has no connection with their life at all.”

Simon: “My best friend in Scotland hates us.”

Brett: “I don’t think we’re that fragile that we need a load of people telling us we’re great. I think we’ve grown out of that to be honest.”

Day 3 (April 7)

Does Neil like antiques? (Purple Girl, England)

Neil: “I’m glad you asked me that. Not really, and I hate watching The Antiques Roadshow. It’s always shown in the winter on Sunday evenings, and it’s really depressing. It’s always dark outside. It’s so English, and it’s all part of that dreary idea of what it is to be English. It’s really parochial, seedy, it’s all about poking your nose into someone else’s business.”

People bully me at school for liking Suede. What should I say to defend myself? (Barry Beautiful One, Carlisle)

Brett: “Tell them they’re the cowards. If they have to persecute someone to make their own lives seem better then that’s pathetic. Tell them we’re going to go up to their school and get them.

“I don’t know, when you’re into music at school it says a lot about your identity and personality, and a lot of it was about getting into trouble with other people. You have to break an egg to make an omelette, don’t you?”

Your life depends on collaborating musically with either Damon Albarn or Bernard Butler. Which one do you choose? (Derek Brodie, Manchester)

Mat: “Well, we’ve done one of them, so it would have to be Damon.”

Brett: “What song would we do? We’d probably do a cover of ‘I’ve Got A Lovely Bunch Of Coconuts’.”

Mat: “In a ragga stylee.”

Simon: “He’ll probably phone us up now and demand to know how we knew what he was working on.”

Have Suede become a parody of themselves? (John Rickleford, Kent)

Brett: “Not at all. Part of being in a band is being a parody. I don’t think anyone will listen to ‘Head Music’ and think it’s a parody of Suede. I think what we’ve done on it is develop the sound of the band, but keep to the heart of what Suede‘s all about.

“It’s true that there are certain constants in Suede‘s world that we go back to, but there’s a fine line between repetition and just having a lexicon of words to fall back on. Sometimes I fall the wrong side of it, but I like to have a palette of words that I use, like an artist has a style. That’s part of what makes Suede what they are.”

[ghostmartyr]

Pokémon FireRed Nuzlocke [Part 7]

Finally free from the horror that is Koga and Silph Co., it’s time for the no-grinding Nuzlocke to reach for another plateau. Or something.

I need Surf.

There are a few things that I’m unsure of about this place. The most obvious is I’m not sure if the different areas count as different... areas. I know that some spots have different pokemon than others, and theoretically it would be reasonable to catch the first thing out of each section, but I don’t follow that logic with caves.

Then, if I’m not going to catch a thing per area, what’s the best place to wander through the grass? Is there even anything high enough level for me to care?

To Google.

Ugh. You know, the freedom to make your own rules often feels more like a trap.

So given that the only reason to catch things would be to convenience my way into maybe having a prayer at the Exp. Share, I’m gonna go with the first encounter for the entire Zone being the one and only. Whatever it is, I’m probably not going to use it, and so just stacking my pokedex to make my life easier feels like it really goes against the spirit of this particular Nuzlocke.

That’s mostly going to involve trying to step in as little grass as possible, probably. Otherwise I’ll just make myself sad.

Well, so much for that.

Paras, your name is Winner, and we will not meet again.

This place is so stressful. “Figure out where you’re going and get there in 600 steps. Find pokemon you want that will regularly run away from you!”

Yay.

Sprinkle learns Surf. Life is marginally better. But now we have to find the old man’s teeth. I think I know where they are, which is mildly disturbing given how long ago I played these games, but the sooner I can find them, the happier I’ll be.

Oh. Found them. Snap.

600/600 steps later, and I have to contemplate if there’s anything worth spending 500 more pokedollars on to grab. ...You know what. I really don’t care enough. Partly because Serebii’s page for this seems slightly broken, but that counts as a reason to me.

Also I want to fool around in the ocean.

See? This guy. He gets me. Swimmer Tony understands. He has a level 30 Horsea. Then another.

Swimmer David, what have you got for us? A level 29 Goldeen. ...Oh, whoops, I forgot to give the old man his teeth back before I did this. Uh. Allenby, mop up so we can go back and deal with it. Shellder next. Seaking.

Done, and okay, going to give the old man his teeth back. For great Strength.

Mission complete, back to the ocean.

Where it’s time to catch a thing.

With the power of Zaft and Sonicboom, I believe.

Yay, Tentacool get. Uh. Flaga.

Back to battling.

Swimmer Matthew has a level 30 Poliwag. Then a Poliwhirl. Sprinkle is finally level 30, and Zaft is staring at me in sad judgment at all the exp that was promised.

Sis and Bro Lia & Luc want to battle. Yay. They have a level 30 Goldeen and Seaking. They are swiftly defeated because Zaft is good.

Swimmers are kind of weird in these games. They just go tread water out in the middle of the ocean, then stop and have some battles with a kid resting on a pokemon.

Swimmer Axle has a level 27 Tentacool. Sprinkle beats it up all by herself. I’m so proud. Another Tentacool. More pride. Tentacruel. And all of the successful confusion statuses come back to bite. Horsea brings us back to simpler times. Sprinkle learns Ice Beam. And last up is Staryu.

On to Swimmer Connie. She has a level 29 Staryu. Then another. Then another. Riveting.

Swimmer Alice is next! With a level 30 Goldeen! Allenby can help here. Seaking, similarly.

Last of this bunch is Swimmer Anya. Level 27 Poliwag. Goldeen. Seaking. Goldeen. ...My Lapras that I need for reasons of Special Attack is going to have better Attack than I ever needed. One last Poliwag for good measure.

Sprinkle makes it to level 32. Sigh.

The Team.

..Sprinkle’s name is the odd one out because when I got her it was an hour where things like naming themes just were not under any consideration.

Ocean.

Different ocean.

Swimmer Barry is taking some time off from being the Flash. He has a level 31 Shellder. Then Cloyster. I believe in you, Zaft. And my belief is rewarded.

Swimmer Darrin is next up. Cue level 28 Horsea. And another. Seadra. ...The Seadra poisons Zaft. Darrin, that costs me an Antidote. Come on. One last Horsea, and Sprinkle is level 33!

On we go, and Swimmer Shirley wants to battle. And thanks to the Code Geass movie, any use of the name Shirley is going to make me giggle for a while. She starts with a level 30 Seadra. Then a Horsea. I’m not sure I understand the order Swimmers put things in. Another Seadra coming up.

Yatta.

Swimmer Tiffany only has one pokemon. It is a level 35 Seaking. Allenby can assist here.

Yay, that’s done, and we hit a Seafoam Island. It looks like Route 20 only has Tentacool available for Surfing, so I’m going to use a Good Rod and see what we end up with.

Horsea. We already caught that.

Krabby! Welcome. I won’t be using you. Your name is Tarle.

That’s 35. Out of the 50 needed for the Exp. Share.

Sigh.

Oh look, another cave.

We find a Psyduck in it.

Uh. Hell, I don’t know. Tieria.

I can’t remember if this place has any Trainers in it. If it doesn’t, I’m sort of wasting my time here, and should just loop around and sail through the ocean via Pallet. Help me, Serebii, you’re one of about a dozen hopes.

Yeah, no Trainers. So my focus should just be on a way out.

Found a way out, going back to Fuchsia, and oh. I missed someone.

Swimmer Douglas, sorry for the oversight. You have a level 27 Horsea. Tentacool. Another Tentacool. Goldeen.

I hate switch training so much. It makes the whole game come to a screech. Not a halt, just a screech as it continues to move but requires small adjustments constantly.

Anyway, can Pidgey learn Fly? I don’t really want to commit to Heero having it just yet. It might be inevitable, but I would like to wait it out a little longer.

Ha, Pidgey can learn Fly. Ren, you’re of use! Quatre, you are being temporarily replaced.

To Pallet!

To Route 21. Let’s see what we get.

Tangela!

...Maybe. It doesn’t seem to like us much. Three Ultra Balls gone. Also known as all of the ones I had.

Is this thing really going to make me use a Master Ball on it.

HA! Last Great Ball gets it. Your name is Relena now.

I need to go buy more Great Balls now. For those pokemon I so desperately want and need.

Hm. Speaking of spending money on stuff, it looks like I have enough to bother with helping Sprinkle out a bit on the stats I’m looking for. Let’s go get us some vitamins.

-many many pokedollars later...-

And while we’re here, let’s rob the entire vending machine.

Oki doki.

What do you mean I can’t use Fly on the roof?

Oh, I just thought of something. I don’t think I’ve visited the Power Plant yet. I choose to deal with that before exploring the ocean more.

A Trainer! Happy day.

Oh hai Mark.

Mark has a level 29 Rhyhorn.

Sprinkle has Surf.

:)

Next up is Lickitung. Allenby can share that one.

Sprinkle makes it to 34!

Are there Trainers in here, or just pokemon? ...Serebii?

No Trainers. Quick trip, I guess. What do we get?

Something that isn’t a Voltorb. Yes, really game. I know it’s confusing, but I already had one, and it’s still doing fantastic work for me.

Magnemite.

Caught! You are now Erde.

Now we got to Pallet and ocean. And the land of Fishermen. Fishermen like Wade. With his six Magikarp.

I love these games.

There is much that also inspires hate.

Fisherman Ronald, are you going to make me hate you? The level 28 Seaking says no. Goldeen keeps up the dream. Seaking. One last Seaking. For reasons of me being. ridiculous, honestly, Sprinkle only gets exp from the first while Po cleans up. I just can’t make myself keep wasting EVs on Attack for her.

Why does this Trainer class use two types of And. It doesn’t matter, and yet it annoys me.

They have a level 33 Seadra and Starmie. Nice.

Except for the part that every Seadra seems to have Poison Point and a passion for making me suffer. Zaft’s at 40 now, though. Hooray!

Swimmer Spencer brings out yet another Seadra. Level 33. I approve. Tentacruel is similarly helpful. I think I like this side of the ocean better.

Fisherman Claude has a level 31 Shellder. Oooh, and Cloyster. Allenby can help out with that. And Sprinkle makes it to 35. Thanks, Claude.

Fisherman Nolan goes back to Seaking at level 33. Then there’s the Goldeen.

Swimmer Jack only has one pokemon, and it’s a... ... ... level 37 Starmie.

I definitely prefer this side of the ocean.

Swimmer Roland has a level 32 Poliwhirl. And a Tentacool. And a Seadra. Which basically just translates to using up another Antidote.

Swimmer Jerome has a level 33 Staryu. As well as a Wartortle.

Heeeey, we made it. Time to turn in our Dome Fossil for Cinnnabar’s creature of choice.

Though in the meantime, we do have other choices.

Caught! Uhh. Milli. Swell.

And now to wander the Mansion in deep confusion as I continue to run into Trainers that will hopefully level me in a suitably speedy fashion.

First up, Youngster Johnson! He has a level 33 Ekans because this game cares not for my wants. Then there’s another one, and I just feed it to Allenby. And I’m not going to bother switching back for the Raticate.

...I put on a Repel. So I keep running into level 36 Raticate. Pain.

Bandit Arnie has a level 34 Charmander. Followed by a Charmeleon.

Sprinkle needs multiple turns to run away from all the Raticate that show up in these parts. I am going slowly mad. I am going fastly angry. I thought the worst part about no grinding was going to be the increased difficulty. But no. It’s the difficulty in running away from everything when the first thing in your party doesn’t have the most wonderful Speed.

I don’t want to end up putting Zaft in front and switching in Sprinkle every time I see a Trainer. I feel like that might have to happen if this keeps up.

Yep. One necessary Hyper Potion later, Zaft goes in front.

This is the closest I will know peace in this entire Mansion.

He has a level 38 Ninetales.

Redact that previous statement.

Sprinkle, stop hitting yourself. Please.

Thank you.

I hate this place so much.

Scientist Braydon, why is your name, and what have you got for me? A level 33 Magnemite. Voltorb. Magneton. Geez. The worst threat of this place is I hate walking through it so much I haven’t been to the Pokemon Center since starting. A crit anywhere would have killed Heero. Not good.

Scientist Ted is next. With a level 29 Electrode. Po goes in for fear of Selfdestruct. And stays in for the Weezing.

....Aaaaaand I failed the maze, so I’m outside, so I guess I’ll go to the Pokemon Center!

...

I hit something on my keyboard.

The window closed.

All of my hate.

But thanks to being paranoid about such things, loading the last save just puts us in the middle of fighting Braydon right before he sends his Voltorb out. And somehow the Magneton goes better despite me doing the exact same thing and Heero being confused.

Hey, guess what. This time the Electrode uses Selfdestruct. Po’s fine. And I get to be right about things. Yay.

Back to where we were, except without going outside by accident.

Save me from myself, Lewis. You and your level 34 Growlithe are my only hope in this desolate building. The Ponyta has its inspiring features too.

Back to walking around. And reading forbidden Mewtwo lore that I might care about in a different mood. For someone not familiar with the story, it’s actually really cool. For me right now, go away, stop giving me extra things to click A at.

YOU SHOULD NOT BE ALLOWED TO GET YOUR EXCLAMATION POINT OF NOTICING ME BEFORE THE SCREEN EVEN ALLOWS ME TO SEE YOU.

FUCK YOU, SCIENTIST IVAN. YOU ARE THE REASON EVERYTHING IS WRONG. YOU AND YOUR LEVEL 34 MAGNEMITE. AS WELL AS YOUR ELECTRODE.

In other news, Zaft is finally saying farewell to Charge. The time of the Light Screen is upon us. I liked Zaft having a move that upped Special Defense and the damage of Spark, but the damage-upping is unreliable, and Light Screen can help the whole team.

Finally.

I have Escape Ropes. Peace out.

I guess now we’re at the point where we really have to fight a Gym Leader. Sabrina or Blaine. Only that’s not much of a choice. Sprinkle is too inexperienced for me to want her to nom all the Growlithe. For what I’m trying to do with her moveset, I want Sabrina to be trained against first.

In case my clear avoidance didn’t make it obvious.

I do not want to fight Sabrina. I can’t remember why the caution is buried so deep, and yet. The fear.

We remember how fun teleporttion is, right? Yeah? ...No?

Let’s get this over with.

Psychic Cameron is our first contestant. With a level 33 Slowpoke.

Huh. tfw things go better than expected. Another Slowpoke, and then a Slowbro that Zaft can help out with.

Psychic Tyron is next, which is not going to help future me a little because I draw the line at establishing which teleport I use each time. No. I have had enough with the teleporting.

Anyway, he has a level 34 Mr. Mime. Followed by a Kadabra.

Sprinkle murders all.

Psychic Johan. Starting with a level 31 Kadabra. You mock me, sir. Mr. Mime next. Oh damn it, Psybeam caused confusion. Why. Mr. Mime also knows Magical Leaf. Why. Slowpoke’s next, and I think Zaft is going to help just because of the awkwardness of the damn mime. Kadabra again. Same thing, just for the heck of it. Yay. Win.

That is what I’m here for. Channeler Tasha. She has a level 33 Gastly. Followed by another. Wrapping up with a Haunter.

Psychic Preston of the unfortunate name has a level 38 Slowbro. Oh snap. Zaft, whaddya think? Electricity? yes, good.

Channeler Amanda has a level 34 Gastly. Also a Haunter. Not anymore.

Channeler Stacy only has one. Ominous. It is a level 38 Haunter.

That’s it, right? Seven done in a box of nine, one’s the entrance and one’s Sabrina?

..

I guess that means it’s time to fight Sabrina.

That is not something I really want to do. Even now. But let’s. Get it done. I guess.

OG sprite best sprite.

Out first is a level 38 Kadabra.

Reasons to not want this fight near me.

I think I’m going to let Po have the Mr. Mime. To possibly eat the Future Sight the Kadabra got off, and also just. I don’t know. There’s no basis to the comfort Po handling the Mr. Mime brings. Mr. Mime is level 37. That helps me feel even more better.

Why does Psybeam confuse everything it touches in this run.

And then Sabrina Baton Passes her level 38 Venomoth in. Okay, fine. And with the Mr. Mime mostly dead, Sprinkle can handle it safely now.

Final pokemon! ... ... ... Level 43 Alakazam!

Perish Song is my new best friend and also I do not like this. It uses Future Sight, so I want Po to come back in, but I’m probably also going to want a potion for her. She’s eaten a lot of damage for me.

Future Sight failed for... some reason someone who actually reads the conditions for these things could probably tell me. Good. After the hit of a Calm Minded Psychic, that might have actually killed Po.

Sprinkle, you’re a good egg.

So that’s done with, and I have ominous feelings about what awaits us in Blaine’s Gym. Let’s maybe continue to put that off by visiting more Trainers in the ocean. At this point, though... I think we’re probably reaching the most difficult part of the run. Maybe because I added Sprinkle to the lineup, but the decision there already happened, so no point whining about having a Water pokemon.

Yeah, I left a Fossil there and it’s too inconvenient to pick up. Swimmer Melissa with the level 31 Poliwag. Allenby gets the Seaking.

Picnicker Missy is on an island. She has a level 31 Goldeen. Seaking for Allenby again.

Swimmer Dean only has one pokemon, and it’s a level 35 Staryu. We can let Zaft help. Zaft’s going to miss a lot of the coming action.

Swimmer Nora has a level 30 Shellder. Then another. Then a Cloyster.

Another island, and we have a Bird Keeper by the name of Roger. He has a level 30 Fearow. Sprinkle has an Ice Beam. Po gets the next Fearow. Zaft can have the Pidgeotto.

Well. Here we go. Our last available Trainer before Blaine’s Gym.

Cue the dramatic music.

Picnicker Irene has a level 30 Tentacool. Then a Horsea. Then a Seel.

..

That’s sort of it, isn’t it? We have Blaine and. Yeah.

I’m trying to think out the available stuff, and unless I’m missing something, there’s nothing for me to do after Blaine except Giovanni. Then there’s the Elite Four. Victory Road might cut me some slack, but we’re largely out of trainers. I think because these are the gen three remakes, there’s some stuff after Blaine, but I can’t remember if that’s actually after Blaine, or after the whole game. With Bill and Cinnabar and. stuff.

I haven’t checked the leveling, but isn’t one of Lance’s Dragonites in the 60s?

I guess we really are hitting the difficult part of this run.

For now, Gym.

Let’s do this, (ex)Burglar Quinn.

A level 36 Growlithe is up first. Right, I was going to switch between Sprinkle and Allenby for this. Since Allenby still has Rock Slide. Vulpix comes next. Followed by Ninetales.

Yay, we did it. Next room.

Super Nerd Erik has a level 36 Vulpix, Vulpix, and Ninetales. I’ll spare you the details, but Sprinkle was involved.

Super Nerd Avery shares the room and starts with a level 34 Ponyta! I can’t remember if we’ve seen one of those yet. I love Ponyta. Charmander, Vulpix, and Growlithe round out his team, and we’re off to the next room with no problems.

Burglar Ramon doesn’t tell us he’s stopped stealing stuff, so we can safely assume that Blaine just lets whoever likes Fire pokemon into his Gym. Morality comes last in concerns.

Anyway, Ramon has one level 41 Ponyta. It’s gone now.

....

Okay, so I remembered Blaine liked quizzes, and was thinking how odd it was that they didn’t include that in this version. Because I was just going around battling the Trainers. Then I got curious and actually clicked on the machine that each room has had.

Oh, look, quizzes.

Let’s fight Super Nerd Derek anyway. He has a level 41 Rapidash.

Sprinkle’s killing everything, if you couldn’t tell.

Burglar Dusty has two pokemon. A level 37 Vulpix and a Growlithe.

That does not make you sound smarter, Super Nerd Zac. Even your level 37 Growlithe is disappointed. Vulpix is next and meets the same fate.

The time has come.

Final room.

Penultimate Gym Leader.

Blaine.

I believe in you, Sgt. Sprinkle.

A level 42 Growlithe is out first. That feels like overkill. Nothing compared to what Sprinkle does to it, but still. Level 40 Ponyta shows up next, and outside of Sprinkle eating a Fire Blast, same result.

The level 42 Rapidash comes out to play. Its Fire Blast does a little more damage, and burns Sprinkle (unforgivable), but it still only survives one Surf.

Arcanine is last, and Allenby is going to deal with it. Sprinkle���s too hurt, and Pokemon Go has taught me that Arcanine sometimes knows horrible Electric moves. Staying away from all of that and giving Allenby something to do sounds like a better move for everyone.

Holy shit, this thing’s level 47??

Uhhh. I foresee maybe letting this be Po’s problem. Allenby can get a hit in, but I doubt a non-STAB Rock Slide from something that’s had its Attack lowered by Intimidate is going to kill in one hit. The things the Arcanine might do, on the other hand....

Allenby gets a crit.

Because she loves us and life and being alive.

So that’s that! Seventh badge get!

No, it’s gen five where you can’t leave a Gym in peace. Go away, Bill, Sprinkle needs heals.

Bill just waits for us to leave the Gym so he can ask us to hang out with him on a private island. We’re ten, Bill.

Why are they named the way they are.

Bill throws a Meteorite at us to go deliver to another one of his friends on Two Island. This isn’t a private island getaway, this is Bill recruiting an unattended ten-year-old for free labor.

I’m not big on this section of plot, but given that Blaine had a level 47 Arcanine, I can’t just go around skipping things at places that might have Trainers. So.

Bill Gaiden. Start.

[alotofwrittenwords]

🕯- My muse has lost someone very close to them, and they aren’t taking the pain of grief very well. aubs/matt.

ummm enjoy the novel that no one ordered. (that would be a good title for matt’s biography bye)

At this point, Matthew would give anything for one of his roommate’s witty remarks. He would ruin another Harry Potter marathon for her by discussing the proper use of an invisibility cloak if it meant he would hear her clever quips again. Hell, he’d dress up in a tutu for a(n un)forgettable performance of his personal favourite ballet ‘Ginselle’ if it would make her giggle instead of putting up that best fake smile. 

Although granted, Matt was just guessing what was different about her. Perhaps she was perfectly fine as she led on. He’d never seen Aubree deal with grief before, never had her pick up a white and black-rimmed envelope before from their mail stack and watch her go silent - so what did he know? Right?

Well, for starters, he knew he was selfish. Selfish enough to want his best friend back and not this hollowed out copy strutting around the apartment that was playing anything but sad music and avoided any sentence that didn’t have the word ‘party’ in it. Matthew knew there was more to Aubree than that and he weirdly wanted it back. So he did what any senseless man would do and engaged in the small talk that turned out to be a fucking trap set out for him.

All he had asked for was a cold one from the kitchen. But now he sat pinned in the hot seat, trapped from both sides by her beautiful legs. It’s almost as if she had perfect control of not only her body but the clothes on it because Matt could swear that every time he took a peek down between their bodies, her sweater dress had crept up just an inch higher.

“Any other day...” He trailed off, nodding while still clearly distracted by his roommate’s charm. He would do it. He would do her. “But this is not okay.” The words stunned himself more than they probably stunned her. But he’d pushed them out anyway. Matthew couldn’t care less whether she’d use him as some sort of emotional rebound. He couldn’t count all the times he’d used as a way to cope - to feel or to forget - on both hands so he would be the last person to judge or deny her that. It’s just that... Aubree was his friend. As one sometimes drunkenly even referred, his best friend. Knowing her for a few years now, he could tell something was simply off. So he wanted her to get off his lap or laugh at him when she made him out to be an idiot for even considering her feelings. Either would reassure him, really.

The brunette had always been the tougher one out of them both (even though that was one of Matthew’s favourite things to deny). Always ready to shake him out of any slump he’d ever suffered through, ready to not talk to him until he found his balls back or drag him out to his regular bar with the promise of introducing him to one of her girl friends if all else failed. She never took any pity on him because he always pitied himself enough for two. 

As poetic as it sounds, this time Matt’s gut told him it was the other way around. He would have to tell her to put down her shields and stop being so fucking tough for one moment. If she was anything like him, he knew asking for help didn’t seem like an option. There was the guilt, shame and feeling of not being worth it. So he couldn’t wait for her to ask him. He would just help her.

Though it felt risky, she was already climbing off his lap with an unphased eye roll so there wasn’t much time to think.

Friendship first, he encouraged himself in his head, bracing himself for the possible backfiring of what he was about to do. Surprisingly now that he did consider this one woman’s feelings, he realized he did not want to offend, insult nor hurt her. But being a friend takes a commitment. A willingness to take a risk for the best friendship he’d had in a lifetime.

Uncharacteristically gently, he grabbed her wrist and pulled her back. “Aubs, I’m going to do something... you might not like it but I think you need it nonetheless.” Matt swallowed as their eyes locked.

She seemed confused by how genuinely nervous he was and Matt knew he had to seize the opportunity to do this before her brain shifted back into its usual defensive, sarcastic mode. For once, he didn’t want this to be brushed off as a joke. Grabbing his warm hoodie from the couch’s backrest, he reached up to drape it around her and tried to cover her up a little. (The best he could for his first attempt at putting clothes on a woman instead of off.) She cocked an eyebrow. Her glossy lips twitching as if they were ready to burst out in husky giggles at his theatrics any second. But before she could ask ‘that’s it?’, he did it. 

He wrapped his arms around her petite frame and hugged her. Trying to keep her close and warm the best he could. “I won’t tell, you know?” Matt promised his friend. “You can cry and we’ll drink a bottle of wine for a change and no one has to ever know you have a heart.”

His attempt at a chuckle got stuck in his throat. The whole room suffocated his laughter. Their laughter. His eyes were screwed shut as he prepared himself for the worst and imagined her walking out on him, leaving him to be the inconsolable one tonight. But then the sweet flood of relief washed over him as she let her head rest on his chest and his whole body relaxed as she allowed his awkward embrace.

“Fuck, what can’t I cry, Matty?” She was trying while she whispered to him, he could tell. Probably hoping it would lift the guilt from her voice and drain the sadness from her system.

He sat back. Looking at her properly, he cupped her face in both of his hands and for a moment it must’ve looked like he was about to kiss her, which made him smile. “It’s because you got your make up done all pretty, love.”

It caught him off guard when she hugged him back and he knew this was a ‘forget or regret’ kind of situation but it felt nice. “Look I don’t have the real answers but no one does, really. Sometimes we lose something. And unless it’s a game of darts after doing three rounds of shots, it’s never fucking fair nor can it be forgotten about by sleeping it off with a hangover.” Matt knew. He’d been trying that for the last 12 years. “I think you just have to feel, whether that is sad or angry or indifferent. And you do it in a spot where you feel comfortable to do so. Like, right here. And if you think it’ll help, you can try to put it into words but that’s one you probably could’ve figured out yourself, am I right songwriter?” Without noticing, he’d started playing with the tips of her hair and thought of how fucking ironic it was that he was using his mum’s advice. One woman’s words to another were always more helpful, no? “Then each day, it’ll feel less like part of you is gone. Because you’ll have filled it up with other meaningful shit and you’ll be whole again.”

“What if I want to be whole right now?”

“Then you just gotta look at me and hopefully that image of your future scares you enough to actually handle your feelings well and realize that there’s more wrong with pretending to be whole than with being human.” He laughed half-heartedly. They’d pulled back during their talk, for which Matt was kinda glad since he was smelling under his armpits and was certain she could tell. And now there was a silence, keeping them both from saying that one thing they knew would make the other beam like the sun. It was a thanks from Aubs in his case. And with a sigh, he decided to just say out loud what it was in her case, “I guess you’ll always be the toughest out of us two, padfoot.”

[ruminativerabbi]

An American Hero

John McCain’s death was hardly a surprise. (The announcement at the end of last week that the decision had been made to discontinue medical treatment was certainly a clear enough indicator that he was coming to the end of his days.) I admit that the national wellspring of emotion the senator’s death brought forth from political fellow travelers and opponents alike, even leaving the President’s belated and begrudging response out of the mix, caught more than a bit off-guard. But it was Senator McCain’s posthumously-revealed wish that he be eulogized in a bipartisan manner both by Presidents George Bush and Obama that made the strongest impression on me. That these were the two men who the most consequentially thwarted his own White House aspirations—the former by defeating him for the Republican nomination in 2000 and the later by defeating him in the presidential election of 2008—also impressed me as a sign both of humility and magnanimity. The funeral is this Saturday, so I’m writing this before knowing what either man will say. But my guess is that both will rise to the occasion and pay homage to the man, not for holding this or that political view, but for having the moral stamina to move past his own defeats at both their hands to return to the Senate to continue his life of service to the American people.

Senator McCain was a complicated figure and hardly a paragon of invariable virtue. He himself characterized the decisions that led to his involvement in the “Keating Five” scandal the “worst mistake of my life.” (The fact that he made that comment after the Senate Ethics Committee determined that he had violated neither any U.S. law nor any specific rule of the Senate itself speaks volumes: here was a man who could have gone on to crow about his innocence—or at least about his non-guilt—yet who chose instead publicly to rue the appearance of impropriety that he feared would permanently attach itself to his name.) He owned up publicly to the fact that, at least in the context of his first marriage, he was not a model of marital fidelity. He was in many instances a party-line guy, going along with the plan to invade Iraq without stopping to notice that there was no actual evidence that Saddam Hussein possessed the weapons of mass destruction President Bush was so certain had to exist and in fact going so far as to refer on the floor of the Senate to Iraq as a “clear and present danger” to our country without pausing to ask himself how he could possibly know that in the absence of evidence that Iraq possessed actual weapons capable of reaching these shores.

On the other hand, his more than five years as a prisoner of the North Vietnamese—the beatings and the torture he endured, his refusal to accept the early release offered to him because the military Code of Conduct instructs prisoners to accept “neither parole nor special favors” from the enemy, his two years of solitary confinement—speaks for itself. (And the phony “confession” he signed at a particularly low point when his injuries had brought him to the point of considering suicide does nothing to change my mind about his heroism. In the end, he defied his captors in every meaningful way and was momentarily defeated by them only once.) As does his lifetime of service to the American people, one given real meaning specifically by the fact, as noted above, that he specifically did not abandon his commitment to serve merely because he was twice thwarted in his bid for the presidency and instead simply returned to the Senate, following the admirable example of Henry Clay, who lost the election of 1824 to John Quincy Adams and then, after serving as the latter’s Secretary of State for four years, returned to the Senate where he served as Senator from Kentucky for two non-consecutive terms and died, like McCain, in office.

But it was McCain’s posthumous letter to America that I want the most to write about today. Lots of literary masterworks have been published posthumously—all three of Kafka’s novels, for example, came out after he died in 1924—but most have been works that their authors for some reasons chose not to publish or were unable to get published in their lifetimes, not letters that their authors specifically wished to be publicized after they were gone from the world. That concept, however, is not unknown…and the concept of creating what is called an ethical will in which a legator bequeaths, not physical possessions or money, but values and moral principles to his or her heirs is actually a Jewish practice that has its roots in medieval Jewish times.

There are early examples of something like that even from biblical times—the Torah contains the pre-posthumous blessings that both Jacob and Moses left behind for their heirs to contemplate and to allow to guide them forward after Jacob and Moses were going to be gone from the world. (When the New Testament author of the Gospel of Matthew portrays Jesus as doing the same thing, in fact, it is probably part of an ancient author’s effort accurately to depict Jesus as a Jewish man doing what Jewish men in his day did.) But the custom reached its fullest flower in the Middle Ages���the oldest extant ethical will from that period was written by one Eleazar ben Isaac of Worms in Germany and dates back to c. 1050. After that, there are lots of examples, many of which were collected and published in two volumes back in 1926 by Israel Abrahams under the title Hebrew Ethical Wills and still available for a very reasonable price. There is even a modern guide to preparing such a will to leave to your own descendants in Jack Riemer’s Ethical Will and How To Prepare Them: A Guide for Sharing Your Values from Generation to Generation, published in a revised second edition just a few years ago by Jewish Lights in Woodstock, Vermont.

And it is in that specific vein that I found myself reading Senator McCain’s letter to the American people: not as last-minute effort to make a few final points, much less to get a few last jabs in at specific, if unnamed, opponents. (The Bible has a good example of that too in David’s last message to the world, which includes a hit-list of people David hopes Solomon will find a way to punish—or rather, to execute—after David is gone from the world and Solomon becomes king after him.) The McCain letter, neither vengeful nor angry, is not at all in that vein. Nor is it particularly soothing: it is, in every sense, the literary embodiment of its authors hopes for the nation he served and his last word on the course he hopes our nation will take in the years following his death. To read the full text, click here.

Senator McCain identifies the core values he feels should lie at the generative core of all American policy: a deep dedication to the concept of personal liberty, an equally serious dedication to the pursuit of justice for all, and, to quote directly, a level of “respect for the dignity of all people [that will bring the nation and its citizens] happiness more sublime than life’s fleeting pleasures.” Furthermore, he writes unambiguously that, in his opinion, “our identities and sense of worth [are never] circumscribed, but enlarged, by serving good causes bigger than ourselves.”

He characterizes our country as “a nation of ideals, not blood and soil.” And then he writes this: “We are blessed and are a blessing to humanity when we uphold and advance those ideals at home and in the world.” But his tone is not at all self-congratulatory. Indeed, the very next passage is the one that seems both the most filled with honor and trepidation: “We weaken our greatness when we confuse our patriotism with tribal rivalries that have sown resentment and hatred and violence in all the corners of the globe. We weaken it when we hide behind walls, rather than tear them down; when we doubt the power of our ideals, rather than trust them to be the great force for change they have always been.” It is hard to read those words without reference to the current administration, and I’m sure that McCain meant them to be understood in that specific way. But the overall tone of the letter is not preachy or political, but deeply encouraging and uplifting. His final words to his fellow Americans are also worth citing verbatim: “Do not despair of our present difficulties,” the senator writes from the very edge of his life. “We believe always in the promise and greatness of America because nothing is inevitable here. Americans never quit, we never surrender, we never hide from history. We make history. Farewell fellow Americans, God bless you, and God bless America.”

I disagreed with John McCain about a lot. We were not on the same side of any number of the most important issues facing our nation, but those divisions fall away easily as I read those final words. Here, I find myself thinking easily, was a true patriot—a flawed man in the way all of us must grapple with our own weaknesses and failings, but, at the end of the day, a principled man and a patriot. His death was a loss to the nation and particularly to the Senate, but the words he left behind will, I hope, guide us forward in a principled way that finds in debate and respectful disagreement the context in which the American people can find harmony in discord (which is, after all, a peculiarly and particularly American concept) and a focused national will to live up our own Founders’ ideals.

In the physical universe, energy derives from tension, friction, and stress. In the world of ideas, the same is true: Socrates knew that and developed a way of seeking the truth rooted not in placid agreement but in vigorous debate. That concept, almost more than anything else, is what shines through Senator McCain’s literary testament to the nation. He notes wryly, and surely correctly, that we are a nation composed of 325 million “opinionated, vociferous individuals.” But he also notes that when debate, even raucous public debate, is rooted in a shared love of country, the result is a stronger, more self-assured nation, not a weaker one enfeebled by conflicting opinions. I think that too…and my sadness at the senator’s passing is rooted, more than anything else, in that specific notion.

John McCain’s life was a gift to our country and his death, a tragedy. May he rest in peace, and may his memory be a source of ongoing blessing for his family and for his friends, and also for us all.

[restorerjourney]

Week 11: The fire of God

This was the most memorable week of DTS for me. I was able to hear the craziest testimonies of God’s miraculous work in people’s lives. I also had the opportunity to share my personal testimony of experiencing God’s healing to two DTS groups. I was so nervous to speak in front of so many people but I knew that this would give God the glory and would encourage others who are praying and waiting for God’s miraculous healing. It felt wrong to not share such an amazing healing encounter that I had with God. If you want to hear it feel free to reach out to me or I can email you the recorded video! 

This week we had 3 amazing speakers talk about the evangelism, the Holy Spirit, and the intimacy with God. Their testimonies were so powerful that I will remember them for the rest of my life! There was so much to share but if you are interested, feel free to ask me and I would love to share some parts that really marked me. 

Here are some take away points for me that I’ve learned from them.

 Evangelism and the Holy Spirit:

-The gospel is something that we all are required to share, not just preachers. Matthew 28:19-20

-The gospel is GOOD NEWS and is shared because of our overwhelming love for God and what God desires for everyone. Why don’t we live this out?

-You don’t have to be a Christian for so long to be able to share the gospel. Our speaker Frenchie shared of a story of a drug dealer who accepted Christ and immediately shared the gospel to someone else. What is our excuse.

-Often the fear of man is what keeps me from sharing the gospel..but when I hear about Frenchie’s stories of being led to share the gospel to people at the grocery stores, concerts, and random places because God spoke to him, even if those he encountered do not accept Christ, they appreciated his sincere heart for them. Love is the greatest motivator.

-When you are so in love with God and you walk with Him daily..listening and obeying to His voice…God will give you divine appointments to share the gospel to those in need.

-If you can’t preach the gospel to yourself and believe it, how will you share it to others?

-Keep the gospel simple. I

-I loved and was inspired to see the gospel being so naturally shared by Frenchie purely out of his lifestyle and love for God. His greatest desire is to love God, to make Him known, and to save souls. (BTW he is not your typical evangelist..he has tattoos everywhere, ear gauges, nose ring, and looks like a skater boy…and he is about my age…and he is so anointed..and has only been a christian for 6 years…oye)

- “The 5 finger gospel”: a simple tool to remember the gospel

1.Thumb (think of the green thumb)= Creation: Who created us and why

a.          We are created in His image and He put me here for relationship

b.          It’s the first step to understand purpose and why we are here

c.          Beginning of the love story, easier for others to receive

d.          It’s the sovereignty of God who created the universe and all of that awe and wonder is directed to you. 

2. Pointing finger= Fall of Man:

a.          Satan made me doubt who our creator was

b.          God is not mad but he wants to restore his creation back to him

c.           Share you own story of your own struggles so they know you are right there with them. That we chose to sin

3. Middle finger: Judgement: Hell

a.          Hell was created not for mankind but for the devil and his angels

b.          The greatest way we can love the lost is to share this reality

c.          Eternal separation is not what the Father wants

d.          Ezekiel 3:17

4. Ring finger: God’s covenant and cross

a.           Even before the world was created, it was in His mind to die for creation

b.            The perfect mercy of God and the perfect justice of God = come together as the perfect act

c.             The more we gaze on the perfect act, the more we are transformed into his likeness

d.             Satan was defeated after Jesus died and resurrected

e.             Communion: remembering what Jesus died that it is continually changing me giving me joy and peace. We can do communion in our worst state because he is a loving father that ministers to our need

5. The Holy spirit and Jesus’s return:

a.          The same power that rose Jesus from the dead, that same power is in us. 

b.          We are called to bring heaven down to earth, that we have a purpose and it is to be His witness. 

c.          In the Holy spirit we can share the same relationship that Jesus has with God.

d.          So many people live below what Jesus paid for them to live in. Because JEsus said we would do greater works than him, that we could live a life of joy, love, and peace. 

e.          People are hungry for the Holy Spirit.

Intimacy with God:

-There is nothing that you can do that will make God love you more

-Most Christians go based on a certainty of 51-99% when hearing God’s voice. We cannot live our lives waiting for 100% certainty, that is where faith comes in. But what if we God wants us to just trust him?

-Everything you do for God, should come from intimacy with God.

-Jesus enjoys your company and He wants to be with us. He wants to do things with us, because we want to do it.

-Love is the biggest motivator of the human heart. Want a great love for missions, ask God to reveal revelation of HIs love for you.

-“God I would rather live my life trusting you and taking risk, then step back and live in fear. What I wanted was to be sure that this was God, but what God wanted was for me to trust in Him. God loves to give partial guidance because He wants us to trust in Him. God is more committed to fulfill His will for your life, than we are committed to find it.”

-The greatest gift from God is my awareness and need of God.

-God’s goodness is above my situation and experience. We need to be more impressed with His character than our situation. 

-When we are going through difficulties, we ask for God to change the situation, but that’s not what we want, what we really want is to believe is that God is really good.

-What makes us feel ready to do what God has asked us to do? What makes us ready is the call of God. So being ready is an excuse. We have made many excuses why we don’t obey God.

-If you have the option of $2000 or $20, you would pick the $2000..would you care about $20? No, because you have the $2000, that is the Christian life.

-Christian life is a life of inclusion. Our relationship is defined by God. When we don’t feel intimate with God it is because we need to change the definition of intimacy of God by what He thinks not what we thinks…and what He thinks is that you are awesome.

How does God view failure? When a baby talks his first step and he falls, the dad doesn’t say” you didn’t do it right”… he runs over and takes a bunch of pictures and runs up to others and brags when

We have to learn to forgive ourselves. I wanted my feeling to change but what God wanted was to accept the truth. Jesus has forgiven and Jesus has forgotten. We judge ourselves based on our action more than what God thinks of us. 

Painting a picture of these 4 things

1. Conviction, Sin, Repentance, Forgiveness. How long does that interval take? Less than 5 seconds. What is shame? It is pride.  Because how I feel and think about myself is more true and more important than what God thinks of me. Who knows me better, God or myself? God doesn’t want to hurt our pride, he wants to kill it. 

2. Romans 8:1

3. Let us not live our life by our feelings. God is not a feeling. 

4. Matthew 13:44

“There is never a fear that keeps me from failing God. If I fail 5x I get to see Jesus 5x, If I fail 10x I get to see Jesus 10x. Fear is an invitation, yes God wants to get rid of it, but if you whole goal is to get to know Jesus and if everytime I’m afraid I get to run to Jesus, then whatever it takes to run to Jesus, I want that! So fear becomes an invitation to Jesus!” 

Outreach is not a program..,it is our life, it is never over. It’s just a place for us to get to know Jesus

Praise report:

-We reached our fundraising goal of ~$7000! We received support here and there but what was crazy was this anonymous donor who donated $7000 to my team leader. Praise God and thank you for your support and prayers!

Prayer request:

- Unity in our team. I keep seeing “brotherly love” and “unity” being highlighted when I’ve been reading God’s word. Please pray that we would personally experience the love of God’s love daily so that we could not help but love others around us well. 

- Fear of the Lord: Please pray that we would understand what it means to fear the Lord out of immense love for Him. That we would walk our lives in love and obedience with God in mind daily especially during outreach. 

-Clarity in God’s vision for us during outreach: We’ve been all hearing God’s voice mentioning children, reaching to the poorest of poor, and possibly being involved with the medical missionaries there. We will also be using this evangelism platform called “Alpha” which is a great tool to invite and share the gospel. 

Mahalo for your prayers and support!

Alicia

[tadtomaseski]

STRONG LOVE gives you strength to GET UP!

This classic picture is my Grandma Ruth and Grandpa Pete, my Mom’s parents. I knew my Grandma Ruth well and we were always very close, but unfortunately my Grandpa Pete passed away when I was only 2 years old.  My Grandma Ruth and I were so close because she chose to never get married again.  It was definitely a choice because she was quite beautiful and had male suitors calling on her regularly, including one that tried for decades.  She chose to raise 5 children by herself because she and my Grandpa Pete had such a STRONG LOVE that she could never see herself with another man.  The second picture is from an article written about them this year in the Sarasota Florida Herald Tribune for Valentines day.  While serving in WWII he wrote my Grandma every day, each letter filled with lavish expressions of his love for her and every envelope was covered in his own hand drawn art.

They unquestionably had a STRONG LOVE that was and is very uncommon. When we think about love, this type of relational love is what usually comes to mind first, then love for family and friends.  I will say that I am fortunate to have an uncommon STRONG LOVE with my wife Gina, we’ve been together 31 years.  I also have the good fortune of having an uncommon STRONG LOVE from my family.  There is no bad blood, unlike many others who have to suffer within their families.  I am also fortunate to have an uncommon STRONG LOVE from our friends that love us so deeply and most would do just about anything for us.

The day I announced my diagnosis, love and prayers began to be poured out for me from literally around the world.  It humbles me to think about how many and how deeply people love me.  You may be reading this and thinking to yourself, if I had that much love from others I could find the strength to GET UP too...but I don’t have STRONG LOVE from a spouse, I don’t have a STRONG LOVE from my family, I don’t have a STRONG LOVE from friends.  

Although this love I speak of that I receive is so astounding, it’s actually not this love I receive that gives me the strength I need to GET UP when I’ve been knocked down really hard.  The STRONG LOVE I am referring to that gives me the strength to GET UP when I have been knocked down really, really hard and am struggling to GET UP is not the STRONG LOVE I RECEIVE, but rather the STRONG LOVE I GIVE.  That’s right, the STRONG LOVE I GIVE is what gives me reason to GET UP.  The best part about this is that you don’t need anybody to love you in order to have a STRONG LOVE that gives you the strength to GET UP.  

But you may be thinking “How can I give anybody anything when I am so beaten down?  I don’t feel like I have anything left in me to give anybody.  I need somebody to give to me.” 

Over the decades I have given people that are knocked down in life my STRONG LOVE and in doing so it has given me great purpose, but until they modeled what I had done and give their own STRONG LOVE to others, it didn’t necessarily help them to actually GET UP.  

Having others pour their love on you will give you a sense of value, but not necessarily a sense of purpose.  A sense of value helps us feel good sometimes, but when we are knocked down, what we really need is to have a sense of purpose.  Purpose in life is what gives us reason to GET UP. The origin of the word PURPOSE comes from “intention, aim, and goal.”  When we are knocked down really hard it is going to take strong intent, focus (aim) and a goal in site worth pursuing to give us reason to GET UP.  

So “where do I start?”  A great place to start is with someone with whom you stand to get nothing in return.  Giving more love to your spouse, family or friends is great, but you should have already been doing this and therefore it won’t give you any more reason to GET UP and doing so will be for your own gain anyway as you will receive more love in return from them. 

Instead, how about starting with a complete stranger?  Or at least somebody you know but you also already know they will be unable to ever return your STRONG LOVE.  Somebody that will never be able to love you on anywhere near the same level.

I want to make clear that by STRONG LOVE I don’t mean you saying “I really, really, really love you...and I mean it!”  By STRONG LOVE I’m not even referring to the word “love” even being spoken. What I am referring to is actions that demonstrate a STRONG LOVE.  What actions should you take?  It is different with each person.  I think you will easily figure out what these actions will need to be once you decide who it is you will be “intentional” with as you take “aim” with your actions, and make loving them with your actions your “goal.”  As you have them in your sites look for what is their greatest needs, you’ll quickly see them, and then start with meeting those needs.  Those needs could be as simple as validation and encouragement, or they may be more tangible like food or finances.

Too many think that loving somebody means saying the words rather than taking the actions.  Too many love only those they stand to get something from in return. This is not STRONG LOVE, this is just typical, normal LOVE.

Loving those that cannot repay us is the most STRONG LOVE we could possibly exhibit, and as a matter of fact, it is also how we love God.  (Matthew 25:35-39) I was hungry, and you fed me. I was thirsty, and you gave me a drink. I was a stranger, and you invited me into your home. I was naked, and you gave me clothing. I was sick, and you cared for me. I was in prison, and you visited me.’ “Then these righteous ones will reply, ‘Lord, when did we ever see you hungry and feed you? Or thirsty and give you something to drink? Or a stranger and show you hospitality? Or naked and give you clothing? When did we ever see you sick or in prison and visit you?’ “And the Lord will say, ‘I tell you the truth, when you did it to one of the least of these my brothers and sisters, you were doing it to me!’

I stand to gain nothing by writing this blog.  This is just one of my ways of STRONG LOVE that gives me reason to GET UP.  This weekend has physically been horrible for me, the worst I have ever felt.  Knowing how many and how deeply people love me would not have been reason enough for me to GET UP. But giving STRONG LOVE through this blog gave me a reason enough to GET UP.

I have had many people say “even though you don’t know me at all, you have done so much for me.”  This is how I can love people, many I don’t know at all, in a way from which I don’t stand to benefit.  I don’t do this for any sort of accolades.  I do it because I wasn’t given a choice whether or not to go through what I’m going through and there is no good reason for me to go through it. But what I can do is give purpose to what I’m going through and in turn give myself reason to continue to GET UP.  

Over my lifetime I have loved countless people that could never love me back the way I loved them, even those who had no love at all for me.  I still continue to love people today that don’t love me the same way in return, and truth be told some of these people really could love me similarly in return, but they choose not to, and yet I still choose to continue to love them with a STRONG LOVE.

This does not make me a “good person” or a “better person,” it just makes me a person committed to STRONG LOVE because I believe it is the greatest call of every one of our lives and if we don’t answer this call, we have missed our greatest purpose.  What I will say this does make me is “a loved person.”  I know that I am loved by so many, so deeply, because I have made love my life’s focus.  So if you don’t feel you have the love of so many, then don’t wait around for others to love you, start by loving others, and do it never expecting love in return.  With time you will one day say “Wow!  I can’t believe how much love I am surrounded by.”

I have been waiting to blog on STRONG LOVE because I knew it was a lot to cover and I don’t like to make my blogs too long and cumbersome to read, so I am going to call this the end of STRONG LOVE ROUND 1 and I will continue with further thoughts next blog.  I will cover the fact that loving people and loving God are inseparable and why you need to forgive, etc.  

In the meantime, if you’re knocked down right now and can’t find a good enough reason to GET UP, then take a shot at giving some STRONG LOVE and see how it gives you reason to GET UP.  You may very well get knocked right back down again, I know because I do too, but the good thing about giving STRONG LOVE is that you really do have a never ending supply within you.  So you therefore also have a never ending supply of reasons to continue to GET UP!

Than you for reading.  Thank you for sharing.  Thank you for loving.  Thank you for letting me share my STRONG LOVE.  Now go share your STRONG LOVE.

[itsyourchoicedevotionals]

For Everyone

“She will bear a son, and you shall call His name Jesus, for He will save His people from their sins.” Matthew 1:21ESV

The most revered, despised, worshipped, feared name on the planet is the name of Jesus. One thing is for sure, the name of Jesus always evokes some form of emotion. Why is this so? Philippians 2:9-11ESV “Therefore God has highly exalted Him and bestowed on Him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on earth and under the earth. and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father.”

For those who don’t want to acknowledge Him as Lord, they fault, accuse, mock, curse, abase the name of Jesus. Whatever the words used or activity employed meant to abase Jesus, nothing can lower His position. God lifted Him up, nothing and no one, including  communism can remove His power or authority.

At the name of Jesus, I bowed my knee in 1976. When I rose from my knees, guilt was gone. I was forgiven, renewed, accepted, worthy and reborn into the family of God. My past and sins were buried in the sea of God’s forgetfulness, as far away as the east is from the west. I can remember my sins, but God doesn’t remember, doesn’t want to remember, and has chosen to never remember any sin I committed. How awesome is that?

If you surmise Jesus died just for me, a goody-two-shoes devotional writer, you’re seriously wrong. Jesus loves and died for everyone. From the most despicable, the worst serial killer, the most mixed up mentally, the person who has everything together, Jesus loves and died for one and all. I’m not even close to understanding this kind of love yet. Over these years, God has poured out His love for many in my heart, (see Romans 5:8). Yet a love which loves the baby killers, pedophiles, human sacrificers and torturers goes beyond my comprehension. And you? Do you love better than I?

There’s no sin man can ever concoct which is beyond Jesus’ forgiveness, save blasphemy of Holy Spirit, (see Matthew 12:31). I’m not even sure and certain what blasphemy of Holy Spirit is, but I am sure God will let you know when you’re close to crossing the line. Why? “This means that… His loving patience toward you, because He does not want any to perish but all to come to repentance.” 2Peter 3:9TPT.

Think about this— *** the most powerful King controlling everything ever created chose to submit Himself to a human body. *** in the human body He subjected Himself to ridicule, hatred, malicious to pay for our griefs, heartaches, mental sicknesses. *** He forced His human body to submit to mental anguish of taking every sin and every effect caused by every sin upon Him in the Garden. *** He endured the most pain-filled, worst, horrific, torture and death satan could concoct. *** In order to pay for everything wrong, every sin, and every sickness to make it possible for us to be righteous before God. *** After satan had thrown his worst at Jesus, and He’d suffered three days in satan’s hand, He arose from the dead under His own power. ALL THIS WAS DONE FOR US. Can you tell me of a greater love? I know of none.

All Jesus asks in return is for us the accept His gift as enough to choose Him as Lord and be saved from your sins. Mary’s Son gave us the greatest swap anyone can ever make. Our sin for His goodness. Will you accept Jesus as your Lord? It’s your choice. You choose.

PRAYER: Lord God we’ve sinned and fallen short of Your glory. Thank You for sending Jesus to pray the price. If any reading this isn’t right with You I pray they come to You now, in the name of Jesus Christ.

by Debbie Veilleux Copyright 2021 You have my permission to reblog this devotional for others. Please keep my name with this devotional as author. Thank you.