#but i have no way of verifying their statements or if theyre just making shit up

[toashesireturn]

Posting this here bc I'm pretty sure the anon who has been harassing me stalks my main blog to see if I l've talked about them but I keep getting jumpscared by their last ask that implies all Americans are sluts just by virtue of being American which is such a bizarre take.

[betaoctillery]

i dont follow ppl that dont support mspec lesbians btw. not only is it bullshit gender/sexuality policing but its ahistorical as shit when bisexuals & lesbians were almost indisguishable from one another until a very specific point in the 1970s when terfs and political lesbians began dividing the community by excluding anyone who had ANY association to perceived masculinity, which included trans women (bcus terfs thought of them as men), bi women for sleeping with men, butches for expressing masculinity, and women of color for racist reasons which posited that they arent feminine/women bcus many dont look/act/talk exactly like cis/het white women.

at any rate, the current accepted definition for the term lesbian is inherently bisexual! everyone says it means “attraction to women and nonbinary ppl” (which is nb-phobic outright ANYWAYS by lumping ALL nonbinary ppl with women -- this is what ppl are criticizing when they say we’re treated as “women-lite”) so if youre not being a nb-phobic asshat, you then have to acknowledge that woman and nonbinary are different genders, thereby making lesbianism a fundamentally bisexual identity as it includes to attraction to two or more genders. 

like think critically for a moment. what about a bigender lesbian who feels like they are both a man and a woman? do you personally get to decide, do you personally get to have the authority, to choose which identity of theirs to suppress in order to cram them into one specific neat little box? whichever way you try to pigeonhole them, youre promoting gender binarism, which is nb-phobic. trying to cut up and divide ppl’s identities like nations erecting borders is dehumanizing. 

another aspect of this issue ive noticed is that almost every single person ive met who self-identifies as a bi or mspec lesbian is trans or nonbinary. they often have complicated relationships to gender and sexuality that sweeping statements like “lesbians cant like men!!!” end up erasing their experiences. ive seen ppl claim its a term used by cis women to describe sleeping with trans women and i cant stress enough how in all the reading and research ive done on bi lesbianism that ive never once seen that cited as a definition or something having been done in practice. its literally just ignorant teenagers or young adults in their early 20s who know nothing about their community’s culture or history talking straight out of their asses. and if there are ppl who do this, theyre extreme outliers and its disingenous to act like mspec lesbians would defend such a level of transphobia when, again, most mspec lesbians are transgender themselves and are well aware that this division occured bcus of terfs.

read queer history yall. for the love of whatever you consider sacred and holy in this world pls fucking read queer history. dont get all of your information off of social media, random unsourced carrds made by teenagers who obviously dont make an effort to learn about their own community, and bad faith internet debaters who make conclusions drawn off what amounts to nothing more than “vibes” essentially. these people have really big loud mouths, but theyre simply wrong. material history will never agree with them. 

throughout history, bi and lesbian have more or less meant and were treated as the same thing, including both women who exclusively were attracted to other women AS WELL AS women who were attracted to both women and men.

and until a single exclusionist can provide sources that can prove that 70′s lesbian separatism wasn’t a huge, well documented movement that resulted in much of the exclusionary attitudes and its effects we see even today, im just gonna continue to laugh at how childishly they cover their ears and go “la la la la” when presented with verifiable and cited evidence that this happened.

[queernuck]

so, last night my dad got home with dinner, was being his usual somewhat odd self, was just generally acting like the asshole he tends to be and it was just kind of business as usual. Nothing out of the ordinary, just that he tends to be, well, an asshole. and that wasnt unexpected, he gets like that a lot, and i can deal with it.

yesterday, at some point, I realized that I probably need a refill on my clonazepam script, which I cant verify without asking, who always gets really bitchy about it, who makes sure that she makes it as demeaning and awful of an experience as possible to even talk about these things. she is very good at it, as well, and knows exactly what things to say to be insulting, to be vicious, to make me feel vulnerable and awful and more than anything just makes me feel worthless. and like, this is a routine thing for her, she takes whatever opportunities she can to make me feel this way and is very open about that. i have no idea if she realizes how miserable i am, and if she did then she would likely blame me, would yell at me about not responding to TMS or claim that I ruined its efficacy by doing drugs over the course of treatment (which is...more than a bit ridiculous) or just generally looking at me with contempt

by contrast, my dad at least makes some occasional attempts at reaching out, sometimes seems to have a sense of how much pain i am in, although not really accepting it in full, not really understanding it, not getting it. and last night was just another example of him not getting it, not understanding it. he specifically said that psych meds are apparently to help me get better, are not supposed to be things that you take long-term. which, well, that is something that I might argue in certain circumstances and in fact I want to be off of my SSRI because I feel it has not been helpful, I want to change ADHD meds to one that is a stimulant so that I get actual use out of it instead of it just being...whatever the fuck Strattera IS, as an incredibly expensive drug that has no real usefulness for me, and I want to stay ON Clonazepam because it is at least SOMETIMES helpful, and in fact would like to ADD another benzodiazepine like a high dose of Ativan or a decent prescription of Xanax so that I have something for acute anxiety as well as to treat the underlying and structurally-embedded anxiety I have so much trouble with.

but that is about my own personal needs, as well as an anti-psychiatric perspective that itself flows through being relatively familiar with psychiatry and how it works, how it feels to be in psychiatric care, how psychiatry abuses people. he, on the other hand, just doesnt take the meds hes prescribed because...thats just how he is. like, he doesnt take meds for his thyroid, or B12 despite having an absolutely AWFUL memory, like a fucking ATROCIOUS memory, and has never done anything about likely having ADHD. he just does not give a shit, he just has a perspective on meds that is more than a little bit absurd, and he is proud to impose that on me, too!

and so when I was asking about my clonazepam prescription, how many I had left, kind of anxious because all of a sudden I had fixated on worrying that I maybe didnt have enough, that I maybe would run out, so on, so I asked him to make sure that I had enough for the next few days. I asked this in the evening, after dinner, because I hoped that he would be able to check for me without needing to ask my mom, who would then use it as an opportunity to chastise me or scorn me or whatever. and he was deflecting and asking why I need to know and just generally being obstinate and awful and a fucking asshole, and then he told me to just go downstairs, like as a kind of “go to your room”-esque statement.

and he got mad enough that he was banging his fucking fist on the table, which was terrifying! i was genuinely scared and I wanted to get the fuck out of there so I tried to bolt, pissed and scared and just in an awful fucking mood, and he got mad at me for that too, for storming off when he was the one who was escalating shit.

and then, after all of that, he guilts me into listening to him go on about the mistakes he’s made with me, the ways that he made mistakes more generally, all of that. he said that the biggest mistake he ever made was sending me off to college at Trinity, and like, I don’t know if he meant that in the sense of not making me go to a school that gave me money, or if he thought sending me off to college as a WHOLE is something that he never should have done, or if this or that or the other thing was like, a mistake. I genuinely have no idea. I know that he also said something about it being a mistake to have let me work on a political campaign and that the nastiness of an electoral campaign was awful and that like, I think he was implying that it was what moved me to the left and as a result bad things happened? Im not really sure on that. Im not sure him or my mother realize that like, the beginning of my own major depression, the beginning of the turn that lead to the lows I’ve had since began while I was at school and just kept on getting worse, I have no clue. I do know that they blame me for it, I know they think I just haven’t worked hard enough.

And now I’m here. I’m sad. I’m real fucking sad. I’m lonely. I feel worthless. I feel like an awful person. I also want to get right back to doing the exact sort of things that my parents think make me an awful person! like, I really want some fucking heroin or some coke right now. I really have trouble dealing with the world while im sober, i really hate being forced into sobriety through this, through my parents taking my ID, taking my paychecks, making it so that the only places I go are my workplace and home. I hate it, I fucking hate it and I am so tired of it, so fucking TIRED, that I legitimately want to off myself but am at such a low place that I can hardly even think about figuring out how to go about doing that, how to make it so that I at least can have a glimmer of hope, one last moment of “wow, I at least did some cool things” before I go so that I can feel as if I’m leaving meaningfully.

theyre keeping me relatively close to the sobriety they want but they are doing it by making my life fucking miserable, by making it so that I have to struggle, so that I am basically being hung out unsympathetically to dry. next weekend, while she visits my siblings down in DC, my mom is going to be taking part in a walk against addiction held by a foundation that has been embraced by my aunt after her son, my cousin, died of an OD after a relapse. my mom is a former nurse, and is a fucking unsympathetic person when it comes to addiction and substance abuse. she seems to have no understanding of why people resort to using drugs, she has been mocking and patronizing when talking about my own drug use, and always looks at it in the most awful terms possible. but that’s just who she is, that’s just how my dad is, all of this is where I am stuck right now.

i want to be fucking out.

[bronzeflower]

Who The Fuck Writes A Ten-Page Rant?????

Also on ao3

-----

Chapter 2: In Which Dave Gets A Message

“Holy shit.” You said as you looked through your messages.

  There, right in front of your eyes, past your sunglasses, was a ten page rant about you and your channel.

  It was fantastic and honestly one of the most enjoyable things you’ve read in a while. Someone ought to pay whoever wrote this to write insults because they clearly have no trouble vomiting out whatever rage they have onto a document and sending it to your plush ass.

You’re laughing your fucking ass off. This entire thing is pure gold, and you don’t even think it was an ironic message. No, this was a completely 100% honest-to-god genuine ten page hate message you got here.

  You read the entire thing, and then you read it again just to make sure the message wasn’t part of some fucked up fever dream that you just happened to have at this very moment. Nope. It was a genuine article. You’ve got to show this to Terezi.

 -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering gallowsCalibrator [GC] --

 TG: holy shit tz guess what just happened

GC: YOU GOT 1N TROUBL3 4ND 4R3 1N N33D OF 1 L4WY3R?

TG: what no its something way better than that

GC: WHAT 1S 1T TH3N D4V3?

GC: 1F YOU DON’T R3QU1R3 MY L4W 3XP3T1S3?

TG: i got hate mail but not just any hat mail

TG: the best goddamned hate mail to ever be made

TG: check it

TG: crabby.pdf

TG: go on and read i promise it will be the best thing youll read all day

TG: or smell as the case may be

GC: HOLY SH1T

TG: i know right its fuckn glorious

GC: 1’V3 ONLY R34D TH3 F1RST F3W L1N3S BUT

GC: TH1S 1S F4NT4ST1C

TG: i would definitely recommend reading the rest of it when youve got the time

GC: 1 MOST C3RT41NLY W1LL

GC: BUT R1GHT NOW, DUTY C4LLS

GC: 4ND 1 MUST 4DH3R3 TO TH3 L4W >:]

GC: SM3LL YOU 4ROUND D4V3

TG: see ya

 -- gallowsCalibrator [GC] ceased pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --

  You briefly stop to think about what your next order of business will be. Of course, this thought is only a formality because you are pestering Rose as you speak.

 -- turntechGodhead [TG] began pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

 TG: rose holy shit youve got to look at this

TG: crabby.pdf

TT: It is presumed that clicking on this will not give my computer a virus, correct?

TG: who the fuck would send a virus to their friend

TG: like just be innocently hanging out and talking and you send a link to your friend

TG: innocent looking link right there, all ready to be caressed and clicked on

TG: nothing suspicious looking about that, no sirree

TG: just a fun little thing that you wanted to send to your friend and your friend clicks on it and

TG: BOOM

TG: virus

TG: nasty little fucker too like holy shit

TG: youll never be rid of this one lalonde

TT: It’s better to be safe than sorry. I’ve been hearing about people hacking into pesterchum accounts and sending sleazy links that give people’s computers viruses.

TT: You really can never be too careful.

TG: well rest assured rose

TG: that link is one hundred percent dave strider approved

TG: its only the best goddamned hate mail ive ever gotten in my life

TG: go ahead and read it since i have verified that the link is completely and utterly virus free

TT: It’s tone certainly is…

TT: Angry

TT: And loud.

TT: However, I must admit it is very amusing.

TT: The metaphors appear to run even longer than your own.

TG: what kind of blasphemy are you speaking

TG: i am the absolute king of metaphors

TG: i rule the absolute shit out of them

TG: all these peasant metaphors running around like its a goddamned bake sale and each item is only fifty cents

TG: wow now i want a cookie but the bake sale is sold out because holy shit people sure do love some fucking baked goods especially when theyre cheap baked goods

TG: clearly the best baked goods to ever grace this motherfucking planet

TG: put some in your mouth it melts like fucking cotten candy or some shit

TG: fuckin delicious

TT: I stand corrected. You are clearly only the best at metaphors.

TT: Excuse me as I bow down to you, your Majesty.

TT: Perhaps you could hear out your lowly advisor.

TG: ill allow it

TT: What are you planning on doing about the one who threatens to take your throne? It is possible that they are more powerful than you ever could imagine.

TT: It is even feasible that their metaphors are even more lengthy and incoherent than your’s.

TT: War may be certain.

TG: war doesn’t sound very pleasant

TT: I suppose not.

TG: i would rather avoid a war

TG: my subjects are poor and in need of help

TG: maybe the one who wants to take my throne and i can come to an agreement

TT: An agreement?

TG: yes and by that, i mean im going to make a video about it

TT: Of course you are. What else would you do?

TG: who knows

TG: maybe i would accept their offer of war and we would fight to the death over who would become the true king/queen/royalty of metaphors

TG: but then all my little peasant metaphors would be dead and dying and their blood would be all over the place

TG: and we dont want any of that

TG: we want our people to be happy and buying shit in order to keep this capitalist piece of shit to keep running

TG: anyway i should probably get going sometime soon

TG: work waits for no one and ive got things to review and videos to post

TT: Don’t work yourself to death.

TG: thanks for the (maybe) sincere concern

TG: talk to you later about something or other

TG: who knows really

 -- turntechGodhead [TG] ceased pestering tentacleTherapist [TT] --

  You start getting things together immediately in order to get crack-a-lacking on the work you have been suddenly inspired to do.

  It was time to review some angry rants.

Well, actually, just one, but your statement still stands, and it’s also a really really long rant, so it could conceivably possibly count as multiple rants.