#but i have never known she was also fortuneteller
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Katara the selfcare queen
Every canon instance or mention (that i can rmr) of Katara indulging in selfcare in the middle of a war because I find it quite amusing yet fascinating.
I may or may not have made a post like this before but I wanted to expand on it.
1. Skincare routine
In 1x14, The Fortuneteller, Katara reveals she has a special seaweed lotion that she carries with her for soft skin. (Avatar Extras also made a point of saying that it smells…?) She even offers to get Aunt Wu some, as if she has extra. So my question is, who is this plug that she gets her steady supply of seaweed lotion from? 😭
Real-life: Seaweed has been used in skincare for thousands of years, first recorded in ancient Chile. Nowadays, seaweed extract is pretty common in skincare products especially from emerging brands in Nunavik and Iqaluit, Canada.
My headcanon: This is probably a recipe Katara picked up from the older women of her tribe, so she just plucks some seaweed whenever the gaang stops by a body of water. And she definitely makes it in cute glass jars and shares it with her fellow healers in the Republic City Hospital ✨selfcare queen✨
2. Spa Day
I just find this funny because when and how did she even find this spa? How long has she been going by herself? Look how comfortable she is like dhjfjcd she’s definitely a regular and they all know her.
Real-life: Saunas are pretty modern, starting up in Finland around 1112. (In canon, I think a firebender and a waterbender run a sauna in Republic City so hey.) Mudbaths on the other hand have been around for centuries and people have been doing it at any naturally occurring hot spring they can found. I don’t even have to tell you about massages so
My headcanon: Katara always knows where the spas and selfcare places are wherever they go. I definitely think she scooped up some stuff at the perfume abbey in season 1 (because she’s a kleptomaniac). I also headcanon she would have a spa setup in the back of Republic City Hospital because selfcare is healthcare too. Also, Aang gives her massages at home and he’s surprisingly good at it, but, Katara sucks at massages and Aang never lets her do it to him after that one time 💀
3. Yoga
In 3x11, Nightmares & Daydreams, Katara teaches Aang yoga to de-stress in a hot spring. My thing is, when did she learn about yoga and how often does she do it? We needed the Katara yoga mini shorts special. The kids would’ve loved it.
Real life: Yoga originating from ancient India is practised in a variety of forms in Hinduism, Jainism and Buddhism. The poses they do are the Upward Salute and the Wide Legged Forward Bend.
My headcanon: I imagine Katara must have read about this at the Air Nomad Section of the Spirit Library, given the cultural heritage. Knowing her she found a yoga scroll and swiped it (can you say klepto?). This is another selfcare thing she does with Aang because it’s his culture! They do it every Saturday until he starts complaining about his old bones 😅
4. Hair care
Katara also wears a special cap on her head when doing yoga which I assume is to protect her hair from the steam 🤔 I just found it very interesting since we hardly see her hair covered. Then I also realized Katara is the only character shown actually combing her hair and styling it like 4 times: from the bun-braid, to the formal earth kingdom look, to her fire nation look and finally the bun with her hair out.
Real life: I typed so many things and I finally found something similar called a chinoiserie satin skull cap? (sorry pic limit). It’s similar in design and even has a tassel like Katara’s. Focusing on her hairstyles, the signature “hair loopies” are actually based on a traditional Inuit style known as qilliqti and her earth kingdom look is based on a traditional Manchurian style called liangbatou.
My headcanon: Like Katara’s mysterious seaweed lotion recipe, she probably makes several haircare products for herself, and has a major hair routine. So, it would make sense she wears protective caps from time to time. I also think both Hama and Katara are tied to the myth of Senna, the Inuit sea goddess, through the comb Katara uses which I headcanon is the identical comb Hama had in her home (again klepto).
If there’s any more selfcare moments I left out, please feel free to share or reply with your own Katara ✨selfcare queen✨ headcanons!
#atla#katara#self care#self care queen#skincare#spa#yoga#haircare#culturalexploration#my headcanons#kataang#anti zutara
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Undead Unluck ch.179 thoughts
[Don't Trust a Ho, Never Trust a Ho]
(Contents: Latla analysis)
Wow, I did NOT see Untrust coming! I (and I bet most other folks) thought her ability was going to be Unpredictable, and I guess in a sense, it was! I don't think anyone ever guessed Untrust!
But it makes sense, doesn't it? As a professional fortune teller, Latla was known for having 100% accuracy, meaning that anything she said, you could unequivocally trust. Of course God would want to take that away, it's almost like she already had an unsanctioned Negator ability, and God wasn't going to let her break the rules like that
For anyone unclear on how Untrust works based on what we've seen so far, let's do a quick review
Latla doesn't need to make a prediction out loud, she simply needs to predict an outcome at all, even if only in her thoughts. She's not negating the prediction, she's negating her own credibility, even for herself
There seem to be two stages to this: mystic predictions and logical conclusions. Using her crystal ball, Latla can predict or divine any outcome or truth, but because she cannot be trusted, whatever she divines has to be wrong. With this, she can look decently far into the future and understand broader concepts like the flow and ultimate victor of a fight; she doesn't need to know anything about the topic, she just needs to look into her crystal ball and understand what she's seeing
All other predictions she makes are simply logical; Rip getting shot and killed, an attack on a clear path, and losing to a seemingly invincible monster, all are predictions that anyone could have seen coming and anyone would take at face value in those moments. Therefore, Latla doesn't need to use her crystal ball, she just needs to use her sense
This is also why Latla can't deflect attacks with odd trajectories or that come from her blindspots; she simply doesn't have the experience to make those predictions in the moment. If she had time to use her crystal ball, sure, she could predict something so difficult to see coming, but otherwise, no, she's not a fighter and doesn't have the capacity to see multiple steps in advance
Let's say a chessmaster got Untrust; if they know how an opponent will (or rather, should) react to a certain move, they would negate the predictable conclusions and leave only the least logical and effective move for the opponent to make. "There's no way they'd make a move so stupid, they're better than that" -> "what a blunder! They've fallen for the obvious trap I laid, I thought only an amateur could make a mistake like that!"
We don't know a ton about Latla's interests, but for argument's sake, let's say that Latla doesn't know how to play chess. If she were to play against anyone, she would have no idea what to expect from an opponent and would likely move her pieces blindly; without a clear understanding of what counters would make the most sense, she would be left without a way to predict and negate her opponent's moves aside from the most blatantly obvious (like having a piece next to an enemy Queen). If she predicted she'd lose before the match, then naturally she'd win, but if she can't make real-time predictions, she might as well be playing blindfolded
But enough about the power itself, let's focus on the real juicy bits: the thematic implications!
First things first: Rip was initially staunchly opposed to Latla using fortunetelling because he didn't believe in it. He didn't trust in Latla's methods at first, but he did trust in Latla herself. Even believing that her trade was hokum, Rip trusted Latla implicitly and went along with any prediction she would make
On the reverse side, though, Rip never relied on Latla. Sure, he made use of her ability in combat, but he only even allowed her to be present because she insisted. Regardless of what he said or did, Rip always made Latla feel like he didn't trust her. He didn't trust her enough to tell her his plans, to let her be present for the worst of it like cutting off his own limbs, and didn't trust her to put her life on the line; he tried to shoulder the burden alone because he didn't trust that she could stand the weight
In much the same way that Rip 100's quest was a futile attempt to repair his own shattered life, Latla 100 was constantly left behind because Rip never entrusted her with anything of value. She was perfectly capable and reliable, even with her 100% inaccurate predictions (ironically making them 100% accurate upon inversion), but Rip couldn't leave things to her
However, it's because of his faith in Latla that Rip was able to accept Fuuko's help in this loop. Rip says that he could tell at a glance that Fuuko was a good person, but I doubt that it's because of anything about her specifically; instead, I think it was because she was standing with Latla, who clearly had already put her faith in Fuuko. Despite everything, despite butting heads, despite ideological differences, despite not wanting anyone other than himself to suffer, Rip absolutely, 100%, believes in Latla, and that means believing in anyone she believes in
That's also why they're able to fight so well together too, "in lockstep" as Rip says. They are perfectly in sync, their hearts beating as one as they finally walk together towards the same goal, which will soon prove my earlier assertion that they will be absolutely pivotal to defeating God in the final battle. I guarantee it
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The Guru Re-watch
I enjoyed this episode a lot more than the last one for 2 key reasons
DANGEROUS LADIES
I've calmed down a tiny little bit from how mad I am about Jet, I just have to move on (but I never truly will)
Let's talk about Zuzu first. I don't have much to say about him in this episode (for once) other than that I agree with @theowritesfiction that Positive! Zuko is unsettling. Reminds me of the brainwashed Joo Dees. I don't like this Zuko.
Oh wait, let me make everything about Azula like I always do real quick - this version of Zuko isn't the real Zuko just like Canadian! Azula wouldn't be the "real" (or at least not the healthiest fullest version) of Azula (& nice teashop Zuko & Canadian over apologetic Azula are very comparable in my opinion.)
Anyway.
I loved Sokka & Hakoda's soft interactions in this episode.
[id: Hakoda & Sokka hugging. Sokka is smiling]
I really love the moment when Hakoda says "Sokka, you don't have to prove anything to me. I'm already proud of you and I've always known you're a great warrior."
Also, we've got Aang & his Guru journey learning about chakras. I've always found all the chakra talk a bit confusing but fascinating, so here's a piece of the transcript partially for my own context.
Aang: So chakras are pools of spiraling energy in our bodies?
Pathik: Exactly. If nothing else were around, this creek would flow pure and clear. However, life is messy, and things tend to fall in the creek. And then what happens?
Aang The creek can't flow?
Pathik Yes. But, if we open the ponds between the pools ... [He removes moss blocking the exit for the water.]
Aang: The energy flows! [The water that was blocked by the moss becomes clear. Aang and Pathik smile at each other.]
Next, we learn about the four chakras & watch Aang open them through visions & meditation (& onion & banana juice.) Aang struggles to overcome his shame for burning Katara, his guilt over leaving the world behind, & his fear of facing Ozai. The visions are an interesting exploration of Aang's internal struggles & we do see a lot of growth from how he was at the start of the series - largely in denial about anything he might need to overcome & reluctant to acknowledge or embrace his responsibility. Aang has grown immensely as a character & this is a good episode for him....Until we get to the part where I have some Controversial Tm opinions.
Pathik: The Thought Chakra is located at the crown of the head. It deals with pure cosmic energy and is blocked by earthly attachment.
Aang: What? Why would I let go of Katara? I love her!
Pathik: Learn to let her go, or you cannot let the pure cosmic energy flow in from the universe.
Much like "The Fortuneteller" this is a strong setup for Aang to overcome his unreciprocated feelings for Katara and the show takes it in another direction. I would have really liked to see this show subvert expectations & show Aang overcoming his feelings for Katara. That's just how I feel. It's a disappointment to me that he just leaves when he's so close to unlocking all the chakras.
Anyway, Katara!!! She is so cute in this episode. I mean, always, but like - she takes Momo to tea! She asks for a table for 2! She jokes during a war meeting that they could send Momo to do some damage because he's knocking over the models! I just adore her.
Katara also recognizes Azula from looking into her eyes & I'm not kidding - we get a Zoom in of Azula's eyes sparkling, then a close-up of Katara's shocked expression of recognition. Before anyone forgets that this is an Azutara blog, I'm collecting those breadcrumbs where I can!
Also, this episode is great because we get to see Azula's genius & devious plans unfolding & we get to see the Dangerous Ladies being an iconic trio. +1000 iconic behavior points each for the Dangerous Ladies. (also I am not even remotely keeping track of these points anymore I'll have to count them up at the end so it'll be interesting to see who wins lol!) We even get some domestic Dangerous Ladies content with them talking & cleaning their Kyoshi Warrior makeup.
[id: Mai with makeup smeared around her eyes halfway through cleaning her Kyoshi Warrior makeup]
I just love Azula, Mai & Ty Lee so much.
That is all I have for this episode!
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let us continue:
-oh henry is SMITTEN and he hasn’t even seen her yet
-suffolk: that wasn’t a sex joke by the way
henry: oh i didn’t think so why would i ever think that (baby)
-wait he’s already engaged?
-okay not technically
-“reignier is fuckin BROKE man”
-oh he’s on the ace spectrum for SURE
-gloucester continues to have Beef with this guy, who has been promoted congrats i guess
-henry continues to be shy and earnest and adorable as cinnamon rolls
-he’s just like “hey God thanks for giving me the Best Wife Ever and pls help me always be thankful for her” 🥺
-“she’s pretty but even better she’s full of grace and well-spoken and SMART” seriously love him
-okay i get why you guys love henry and margaret
-okay i may not really know how medieval latin pronunciation works bc i studied classical latin but pronouncing “primis” with a long i sound made me physically cringe
-gloucester: i suddenly can’t read
-warwick: really? WE have to pay for this wedding?
-gloucester continues to be disappointed in henry’s life choices
-oh THAT’S why warwick was mad
-i read a fic that had a line that was like “he married her for the promise of a smile” and i don’t remember what fic it was but honestly that was spot on
-“‘tis known to you, he is mine enemy” yeah we’ve spent the last 80 minutes watching y’all fight
-oh they are SCHEMING
-everyone is scheming against each other
-i have mixed feelings about this lady’s dress
-that dream was definitely not foreshadowing
-ooh she’s kinda like The Scottish Lady
-ooh we’ve even got witchcraft
-also why is this guy dressed like it’s the early 1800s instead of the early 1900s
-the boys continue to be fightingggggggggg
-gloucester stop being sexist
-margaret tell him off
-a woman’s place is in parliament <3
-gloucester: this wasn’t supposed to be a roasting session
-henry continues to sit there and *try* to follow. mood.
-margaret: are you fucking kidding me
-LET!!! HENRY!!! BE!!! A!!! RELIGIOUS!!! ACADEMIC!!!
-margaret KNOWS.
-and she’s heard all the gossip ☹️
-margaret NOOOOOOOO i know suffolk is horny for you but i’m not getting reciprocal feelings at ALL what is this
-ooh seance time!!! this is perfect, i know seances were really popular in like the 1920s and 30s
-i love the fortuneteller’s costume
-well i guess you gotta get the intel somehow
-how are they doing this voice effect it’s so cool
-oops
-nice shot of him snuffing out the candle
-awwwwww henry continues to try his best for peace
-okay i love margaret’s outfit. especially the beret
-a miracle???
-oh that’s wonderful!
-so your wife made you climb even though you were blind? that is an accident WAITING to happen
-wait so you’re just gonna beat this guy???
-oh it was a fraud
-henry: REALLY??? people pretend to be disabled for MONEY???
-the DRAAAAAAAAMAAAAAAAAA
-henry really has a prayer for every occasion. honestly good on him
-eleanor got DIVORCED
-and also BANISHÈD
-he really does not want to do ANY of this sentencing
-gloucester got FIRED
-gloucester is a saucy sassy man
-eleanor: we’re aaaaaaaaall in thiiiiiiiiiis togeeeeeether
-cute handholding is cute
-wait what
-gloucester is getting arrested???
-henry: *beep* this *beep* i’m out *skateboards away* (not actually but yeah)
-wait MARGARET is in on this plot???
-there’s an irish rebellion???
-margaret can make peace too
-york: lmao i’m not gonna stop the rebellion i’m gonna BE the rebellion
-okay who is this person you’re talking about
-this murderer is having a major Guilt Attack TM
-you okay henry?
-henry just straight up passed out
-oh no oh HENRY 😭
-his heart is just BREAKING and so is mine
-margaret at least you’re still ALIVE
-suffolk: me? 🥺😮 NEVER!
-the crowds are NOT happy
-henry: “Lord give me the strength to not smack a *beep*”
-you doing okay there cardinal?
-the nobles just keep trying to shut margaret up and she’s not having it ���
-he (henry) is so full of quiet dignity
-suffolk got BANISHÈD
-okay y’all getting the vibe that margaret is in love with both henry and suffolk? or is it just me? what do y’all think?
-this is like the first draft of romeo’s “banishèd” speech, complete with the INTENSE self-pity
-oh she’s breaking up with him
-one last smooch before we go
-ope the cardinal is dying now
-henry’s trying
-“forbear to judge, for we are sinners all” is low key a killer line
-oh so this dude knows EVERYTHING about suffolk
-rest in pieces suffolk (he was fun to watch but i did not like him at all lol)
-henry is STRUGGLING
-how did margaret get suffolk’s head and why is she carrying it around everywhere
-poor margaret ☹️
-he really is trying
-the background music is right henry really is just waiting for divine help bc he is SO DONE
annnnnnnnnnnnnd that’s all for tonight, folks!
alright henry vi: house of lancaster (english shakespeare company) let’s go
thank you @shredsandpatches
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I straight up check your profile daily for the southern raiders analysis you’re working on. 👀👀 where IS IT 😩
bRUH I am so excited to drop this analysis you have no idea (It’s creeping up to 22k+ I am gonna cryyyyyyyyyyyy). The only problem is that my TSR analysis and “Moon theory” are so incredibly hard to structure and articulate. I’m happy you’re so excited for it, though!!! Truly, it’s an honor. I’ll give you a taste of my madness and what’s to come, but be warned: it may be a bit hard to follow because TSR (from how I’ve come to understand it) is about the vagueness of beginnings, endings, and cycles, so there isn’t really a starting point for me to begin with. (So it may seem a tad bit like a ramble in some points that I haven’t fleshed out yet/am summarizing for this ask)
This analysis has me on trails like THIS brilliant nonsense, and I am 1000000000% here for it:
Roku: “The spirit's name is Koh, but he is very dangerous. They call him The Face Stealer.”
Katara: “We’re going to find the man who took my mother from me.”...“That’s him. That’s the monster.”
Lion Turtle: “To bend another's energy, your own spirit must be unbendable, or you will be corrupted and destroyed.”
Roku: “When you speak with him, you must be very careful to show no emotion at all. Not the slightest expression, or he will steal your face.”
Hama: “Congratulations, Katara. You’re a bloodbender.”
(If Katara had killed Yon Rha, she would be giving up her identity--her face. Not only would she have become a killer, but she would be killing what made her Katara)
Aang: “Let your anger out, and then let it go. Forgive him.”
Forgive him--approach him for what he is, not the faces your memories or your heart are having him wear. See him for the pathetic man he is in that moment right in front of you.
Aang’s forgiveness is seeing someone for the sum of their parts. It’s judging them and seeing through into their very soul, just like the Firebending Masters saw through Zuko being the Crown Prince and Aang being the Avatar. That meant nothing to the Masters. What did matter to them was who the boys were right there, right then, right in front of them.
“Why should I hold a grudge against you for something you did in a past life? After all, you’re a different person, now. You’ve come to me with a new face.”
But anyways...
If I can give no other take-away from my analysis and moon theory, it’s that Yin and Yang are not two entities; they are three. I think the fandom’s misunderstanding of it may be why the discourse on TSR (and Aang, Katara, and Zuko) is so black and white (pun intended lol).
“But Yin and Yang are obviously two things. Don’t you know the symbol?” I hear some people already saying.
Wrong, sir.
It has never been just Yin and Yang. Yin and Yang have never existed as just two things.
They are Yin and Yang and Wu Wei.
(Aunt Wu has her name for a reason, and she has the mark of the wise in her hair for a reason, too...AND she is at odds with Sokka in The Fortuneteller for a reason, too!!!...but that’s for the analysis😉)
Balance isn’t good triumphing over evil. Balance is good and evil. Balance is standing on the flow between two opposites--it’s the compliment that connects them. (The koi fish live in an oasis for a reason.)
I’ll explain what Wu Wei is later in the full analysis (like many things in here), but here’s some of my evidences and proofs for the “Yin Yang trio”:
The Tibetan “Wheel of Dharma”
(I’ll also explain the Wheel and Dharma and etc. later because it has everything to do with Koh and the moon) Long story short, the wheel and its spokes are representative of the 8 steps to enlightenment and the cycle of rebirth.
Look at the hub of the wheel. It’s a swirl made of 3 parts.
It is also a white lotus
Here’s the colored version of the wheel (as an alter):
Recognize the colors?
BLUE, WHITE (or gold, depending), & RED
These are the “THREE TREASURES” OR JEWELS.
They symbolize DHARMA, BUDDHA, & SANGHA respectively.
KATARA, AANG, & ZUKO
water, air, & fire
T H R E E
Bato: “Ice dodging is a ceremonial test of wisdom, bravery, and trust.
Bato: “The spirits of water bear witness to these marks...”
Why does Bato say spirit(s) plural? The Ocean and the Moon are only two spirits. The Ocean can’t be two things. Right?
WRONG
Yue: “The legends say the Moon was the first waterbender. Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves.”
The Moon--singular. The Tides--plural (push and pull)
Lion Turtle: “In the era before the Avatar, we bent not the elements, but the energy within our senses.”
The moon pushing and pulling the tide is the moon bending the energy of its world.
Katara finding balance between “being too weak to do it” or “strong enough not to” is her bending the energy within herself.
It’s two solutions written as a question but said as a statement.
Yue: “Our ancestors saw how it pushed and pulled the tides and learned how to do it themselves”
THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS IS ABOUT AANG AND ZUKO LEARNING FROM KATARA. Katara had already learned from Aang and Zuko all leading up to TSR. That was her studying. TSR was her test.
TSR is Zuko’s and Aang’s studying. Sozin’s Comet is their test.
Bato: “For Sokka, the Mark of the Wise. The same mark your father earned. For Katara, the Mark of the Brave. Your courage inspires us. And for Aang, the Mark of the Trusted. You are now an honorary member of the Water Tribe.”
Aang - Wise (”you’re pretty wise for a kid”)
Katara - Brave (the same mark her mother earned)
Zuko - Trusted (”I was the first person to trust you”)
Sokka - Bato ("I am to have no part in this--you pass or fail on your own.”)
Yin and Yang are nothing without their dance. The Avatar and the Firelord mean nothing if they don’t have a world to rebuild.
The valley means nothing if there isn’t anyone to live in it.
Fighting is useless if there isn’t someone to fight for, otherwise it is “selfish and stupid”
Katara had to have a reason to return from Yon Rha. She needed to have Aang waiting for her. If she didn’t have a reason to stay, then she wouldn’t have a reason to go.
To have a reason to sleep, a person has to have a reason to wake up.
Katara: “Aang. He just took his glider and disappeared. He has this ridiculous notion that he has to save the world alone; that it's all his responsibility.”
Hakoda: “Maybe that's his way of being brave.”
(Bato: “For Katara, the Mark of the Brave. Your courage inspires us.”)
Katara: “It's not brave! It's selfish and stupid! We could be helping him! And I know the world needs him, but doesn't he know how much we need him, too? How can he just leave us behind?!”
(It was, in fact, not easy for Aang to ‘do nothing’)
Katara: “I understand why you left. I really do, and I know that you had to go, so why do I still feel this way? I'm so sad and angry...and hurt.”
Hakoda: “I love you more than anything. You and your brother are my entire world. I thought about you every day when I was gone, and every night when I went to sleep, I would lie awake missing you so much it would ache.”
(AND YUE IS ONE OF THE ONES TO SAVE AANG IN THE OCEAN FOR A REASON)
Thinking and missing: a matter of mind (who) and heart (want).
Iroh: “Who are you? And what do you want?”
Sokka: “We need to go back. I wanna see Dad, but helping Aang is where we're needed the most.”
Mai: “I love Zuko more than I fear you.”
BUT YOU WANNA TALK ABOUT THE MOON FOR A HOT SECOND???
I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT THE MOON
I’LL TELL YOU ABOUT 2 MOONS
OH
OH REALLY???
OH REALLY, ZUKO
A FEW HOURS YOU SAY?
THEN TELL ME, ZUKO
WHY IS THE SUN GOING UP
WHEN IT IS THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT A FEW HOURS LATER
AND KATARA IS SLEEPING SO YOU CAN’T TELL ME IT’S BECAUSE YOU RISE WITH THE SUN OTHERWISE SHE’D BE WIDE AWAKE DURING THE FULL MOON THAT SHE USES TO BLOODBEND NOT EVEN TWO MINUTES LATER
THIS, MY FRIENDS, IS A HARVEST MOON
WHICH IS THE LAST FULL MOON OF THE SUMMER
(and looks off color when it rises/falls because of the angle of the rise/fall in the atmosphere...it’s normal once overhead)
AND SYMOLIZES HISTORY REPEATING ITSELF
“We’re going to find the MAN who took my mother from me.”
“That’s him. That’s the MONSTER.”
8 spokes on the wheel
Katara was 8 when Kya was killed
8 steps to enlightenment (the “Eightfold Path”)
8 phases of the moon
8 faces of Koh
“One of your previous incarnations tried to slay me! Be it 8 or 9 hundred years ago” (but time is an illusion, so hundreds mean nothing)
THE OTHER TWO MOONS THAT ARE CONSUMING MY EVERY WAKING MOMENT???:
1.) The WOLF MOON--the first full moon of the new year (a love between the wolf and the moon in the harshest winters...connection is kindof obvious lmao)
2.) THE THUNDER MOON
The Thunder Moon is the full moon of July. It is also known as the Buck Moon--for when young buck regrow their antlers.
Yue: “My hair turned white.”
Zuko: *cuts and re-grows his hair*
Aang: “I have hair?”
The Thunder Moon--the full moon of July--is also the beginning of a certain Buddhist holiday.
DHARMA DAY
WHICH CELEBRATES THE BEGINING OF BUDDHISM AND THE FIRST OF THE 8 STEPS (the first spoke of the Dharma Wheel) TOWARDS ENLIGHTENMENT
AVATAR IS ALL ABOUT CYCLES
THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS IS ALL ABOUT BREAKING THEM
I haven’t even touched Jung, Koh, Hinduism, and Buddhism yet
or the fact that Katara and Kya are the only characters in the entire series to wear moons on their clothing and that, together, they form an actual lunar phenomenon
or why the spirit oasis isn’t a complete circle
or the fact that this thing that Aang is told to chase is just like Whaletail Island:
or how important the Great Divide and the Solstice are
AND I’M JUST GETTING STARTED
BECAUSE EVERYTHING IN THE SOUTHERN RAIDERS--RIGHT DOWN TO THE SOUND DESIGN--IS ABSOLUTELY MONUMENTAL IN UNDERSTANDING THE SHOW, ITS MESSAGE, ENERGYBENDING, AND LITERALLY EVERYTHING ELSE
TLDR: Idk how the heck I’m going to arrange or articulate this analysis because it is WILD. Be warned: There is literally no exact beginning and ending to this analysis because the whole point of Yin and Yang is that is has no beginning or ending (...kindof...), so you’ll have to bear with me once I’m done editing it into something that’s somewhat coherent.
These are just SOME of the things I’ve been able to answer with my moon theory and analysis of The Southern Raiders as it currently stands:
Why “letting go” isn’t really letting go (as we understand it...see: Aang’s confrontation with Koh)
Why Lake Laogai and the Spirit World are symbolically the same thing.
Zuko’s advice to the bullfrog is actually a summary of the show, energybending, the origin of bending, and the definition of Aang’s “forgiveness” I stg
Why “Sokka’s instincts” are the reason Katara yells at Sokka
Believe it or not, every time Katara mentions her mother, it is at specific times for specific reasons.
^^^same thing for the moon, lack of moon, moon positioning, etc.
Katara’s mother’s necklace is more important than we realize.
Who the faces of Koh are and WHY they are there.
The true meaning of Jet’s sacrifice.
Why Jet’s episode about the dam explains the entirety of TSR as it pertains to Katara (all the way down to the little girl who runs to get her doll after the dam breaks)
Why Katara actually DID forgive Yon Rha, and the fact that she doesn’t even know it is proof that she did
^^^^^Aang’s definition of forgiveness is completely misunderstood by the fandom, and the way he “forgives” is sososo much deeper than “moving on”, and it is DEFINATELY by no means “doing nothing” or “excusing” past actions.
The importance of lightning, Zuko, Aang, and Katara.
The absolutely monumental and not nearly talked about importance of Jeong-Jeong like holy crap.
How Katara and Azula are just as much of a Yin and Yang as Zuko and Aang but not in the way we think they are
Why Koh has the Blue Spirit’s face
Why Koh DOESN’T have the Painted Lady’s face.
Who Ni-Ni from Katara’s campfire story in The Puppetmaster is
How and why Iroh was able to learn firebending from the Masters even though he didn’t have a partner.
How/Why Azula had her breakdown and why she saw her mother in the mirror
Why “Leaves from the Vine” and “Four Seasons” are the same song, explain Azula’s downfall, and explain the Yin and Yang of TSR.
Why Katara and Sokka are so often mistaken for parental figures.
Why Aang’s flashbacks to the Air Nomads are so important in understanding TSR.
Why Toph and Suki disappear after the campfire in TSR.
How Hakoda, Gyatso, and Kya are all connected.
Why it is so dang important that Azula shows up in the beginning of TSR.
The importance of the Spirit Oasis.
Energybending, healing with waterbending, Aang’s trauma, and Zuko’s scar.
Why Zuko gives Katara the exact opposite advise in TSR that he gave her in the catacombs.
How everything could be predicted and read by the moon.
WHY YIN AND YANG ARE THREE THINGS AND HAVE ALWAYS BEEN THREE THINGS.
HOW ALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL OF THIS TIES BACK TO THE MOON AND BUDDHIST BELIEFS--AND YEAH THE MOON AND BUDDHISM AND HINDUISM ARE MORE CONNECTED IN ATLA THAN YOU CAN IMAGINE.
AND HOW IT LEADS INTO OUR MODERN UNDERSTANDING OF THE SELF--BECAUSE JUNG TOOK GREAT INFLUENCE IN HIS DEVELOPING THEORY OF THE CONSCIOUS AND THE SUBCONSCIOUS FROM THE HINDU/BUDDHIST RELIGIONS
^^^^AND ALSO THE THEORY OF THE SHADOW AND THE PERSONA
The ocean is a deep, dark, unknown place with a lot of hidden monsters (like Yon Rah). Katara needed a light to find her monster, but she also needed somewhere she could breathe when she came back up for air.
If she didn’t have both Zuko and Aang, Katara would have drowned.
I wasn’t kidding when I said this was a thesis, and what I’ve said and listed here isn’t even all that I have.
btw This all does line up on the traditional Yin Yang symbol we know and see in the show, but I don’t have enough space here for that lmao. That’ll be in the analysis
I hope you enjoyed this little taste, my friend, because I need to sit down for a hot second before my brain leaks out of my ears. Sorry for the ramble. I promise the analysis isn’t like this lol. This is just me trying to summarize as best as I can.
***Disclaimer: My points are always subject to change since I am still researching. These are the facts as I’ve found and applied them to the evidences I’ve noted from in the show. I’m always open for friendly discussion or any directions to better sources on Buddhism/Tao/Jung!***
#Aang#Katara#Zuko#avatar the last airbender#azula#sokka#atla#I need to lie down#The Southern Raiders#Moon Theory#the cuddles have spoken#kataang#gaang#answered#vanillabutspicy#thanks for the ask!#I hope this sated you for the time being lmao#i am still learning these religions and want to get them right tho😅#mymetatag#meta#post
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Thunder Mesa Canon Characters
Follow up to my previous Thunder Mesa ‘lore’ post.
Sources are: my personal experience, cast members, ‘urban/park’ legends that spread during the years, the database of the Italian website MondoDisneyland.it and Phantom Manor Legends.
Hoping I won’t forget anybody... (if I do, please let me know!) LET’S BEGIN!
The Ravenswoods:
Henry: one of the founding fathers of Thunder Mesa, owner of the Big Thunder Mountain Mining. Co and of the beautiful Victorian Manor on Boot Hill.
Martha: Henry’s wife. Very little is known about her beside the fact that her marriage wasn’t exactly a happy one.
Mélanie: Henry and Martha’s daughter and heiress of her father’s fortune. It is said the was one of the prettiest girls in town, had a lovely singing voice and many, unfortunate suitors.
The Jones:
(they’re either siblings or husband and wife, unclear)
Jasper: The Ravenswood’s estate butler and man-servant.
Anna: The Ravenswood’s estate chambermaid. She was possibly one of Henry Ravenswood’s lovers.
Deceased citizens/ghosts that now reside in the Manor:
Madame Leota: a gypsy fortuneteller who offered her services to the people of Thunder Mesa. After her death she is tasked to summon other spirits and demons to the "ghostly ball" that's held in the manor.
The Phantom: A mysterious entity that torments Mélanie in the Manor. The 2019 Refurbishment of the attraction confirmed his identity as Henry Ravenswood, returned from the dead to prevent his daughter from marrying a man not worthy of her.
Goliath: Undead dog that appears alongside the Phantom in one of the most notoriously scary scenes in the attraction. In the original script, he belonged to Henry’s brother, Arthur Ravenswood. In the current storyline Goliath is heavily implied to be Henry’s pet and his loyal companion even in death.
Valentin the Boneless/Le Desosé: a man from Thunder Mesa whose body and spirit were crushed, either physically or metaphorically... or both.
Mary Murphy: Frank Ballard’s wife.
Frank Ballard: Mary Murphy’s husband.
Ma Ballard: Frank Ballard’s mother. Clearly didn’t approve of her son’s marriage to Mrs.Murphy. Her gravestone reads ‘over my dead body’.
B. Arnold: his occupation is unknown. His gravestone reads ‘Cold Is My Bed - But Oh, I Love It - For Colder Are My Friends Above It.’
Leadfoot Fred: a cowboy and gunslinger, his adversary made him ‘dance’ until he was hit in the legs (at least 3 shots per leg) and finished off.
“Shorty” Smith: nothing is know about them except that they died in 1862
Red Hot Harry: probably a gunslinger like Leadfoot Fred. Like him, he wasn’t fast enough.
Dakota Dick: somebody really REALLY hard to kill. According to their tombstone, they were hanged October 17th, 1867, shot January 18th, 1868, stabbed December 18th, 1868, poisoned May 21st, 1869 and are ready to come back for more.
Jaques Shrillman: a terrible musician, ‘lynched by a bunch of music lovers‘.
Peg Leg McBrogue: an outlaw that committed robberies on riverboats. ‘Walked the plank, and sank’.
Nameless Hunter: killed by a bear. (See below.)
Pet Cemetery:
A squirrel, a cougar and a bear also rest in Boot Hill... somehow. Their graves imply that they all became the bear’s food at some point. An unfortunate Hunter also met the same fate.
Mélanie’s Suitors:
Rowan D.Falls: former captain of the ‘Mark Twain’ Steamboat and one of Mélanie's suitors, died falling off a tall waterfall. He is possibly related to Dr. Albert Falls, a member of S.E.A the Society of Explorers and Adventurers.
Ignatus "Iggy" Knight: former owner of a dynamite manufacture and one of Mélanie's suitors. He died in an explosion inside Big Thunder Mountain’s mine.
Barry Claude: oil-field master and one of Mélanie's suitors. He was mauled by a bear.
Sawyer Bottom: owner of the local sawmill. Suffered the most suspicious death of all the suitors: tied to a log and bifurcated within his own sawmill.
The Townsfolk:
William Ketchum: current sheriff of Thunder Mesa
Artemus L. Hector (current Mayor of Thunder Mesa) and his wife: [photo from Phantom Manor Legends]
James Collins: Photographer and inventor of the Spectral Camera.
J. Nutterville: undertaker and coffin maker, he takes care of Boot Hill and its graves. It is unclear if he’s still alive or a ghost himself but I’m placing him in this category because he appears from time to time near Phantom Manor and during special events to take the guests’ ‘measures’ and get their coffins ready.
Diamond Lil: the owner of the Lucky Nugget Saloon.
Lavinia ???: a beautiful dancer who worked at the Lucky Nugget Saloon. Many men were in love with her and one of the locomotives of Big Thunder Mountain bears her name.
Pierre Paradis: Diamond Lil’s French fiancee.
Jebediah Rose: Thunder Mesa’s blacksmith. He was in love with the Lucky Nugget dancer Lavinia but she did not love him back.
Lavinia Rose: Jebediah’s daughter, named after his unrequited love.
Milo ‘One Eye’ Jones: a robber who made the mistake of stealing from Big Thunder Mountain Mining Co. and an even bigger one when he thought it was a good idea to hide from the law in the very manor built by the founder of the company he just robbed. It is possible that he is related to the Jones who once worked for the Ravenswoods.
The Thunder Mesa Councilmen have... interesting names such as I.M. Chikin and I.L.B Bach.
The Caretaker: Phantom Manor’s equivalent to the Haunted Mansion’s groundskeeper.
EXTRAS: Fan Character, deleted characters and those who may or may not be involved but it’s just fun to think they are:
Jake ‘Lockart’ Evans: Formerly the only known suitor of Mélanie. A fan favorite that, despite not having been completely de-canonized by the refurbishment, is not a physical presence in the Manor anymore. The name was never official but the fandom as a whole still calls him Jake ;)
Barnabas T. Bullion: The founder and owner of the Thunder Mountain Mining Co. according to the 2013 refurbished queue line in WDW Orlando. Assuming that we’re talking about the same company that Henry Ravenswood founded, it is possible that Bullion took over 20 years after Henry’s death and re-built the company under a new image to erase its dark history. In the Big Thunder Mountain Marvel Comics, he is depicted as a better person and father to his daughter Abigail than Ravenswood ever was to Mélanie, drawing a parallel between the two.
Arthur Ravenswood: Henry’s younger brother in the original script for the ride.
Gabrielle Ravenswood: Arthur’s wife in the original script.
Melanie's cousin: One of the letters that could be found on a table inside Phantom Manor before the refurbishment hinted at a relationship between Mélanie and a cousin of hers. It wasn’t clear if this was an arranged marriage or a clandestine affair.
Henry's repudiated son: The same letters also introduce us to Henry’s firstborn (often nicknamed Elias or Alan by the fandom) who’s writing to his father to let him know that he is -once again- out of money.
S.E.A investigators: the in-universe explanation for the long shut down of Phantom Manor is an investigation conducted by the local authorities with the help of groups of ‘explorers and adventurers’ that came from the East. Fans speculate that these explorers may be part of S.E.A, a secret society around which Tokyo Disney SEA’s park lore is built. If one of Mélanie’s suitors is indeed a member of Dr.Albert Falls family, this could explain why the S.E.A may have an interest in Phantom Manor and the strange happenings surrounding it. S.E.A members are mostly depicted as positive characters, explorers and archeologists respectful of the land and cultures they get in contact with, but even within their ranks there are some rotten apples. A notable example is Harrison Hightower III who is rumored to be related with George Hightower, previous owner of the Haunted Mansion (both in California and Orlando) and one of Constance Hatchaway’s husbands.
#thunder mesa#phantom manor#pm lore#disney parks lore#disneyland paris#frontierland#long post#haunted mansion#society of explorers and adventurers#henry ravenswood#melanie ravenswood#martha ravenswood#constance hatchaway#harrison hightower iii#tokyo disney sea#walt disney world#boot hill
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Wayhaven Week Day Four: Tranquil
For @otomefandomevents‘ Wayhaven Week! I’m technically late but also it’s still the 15th somewhere and also it was my birthday so I was hanging out with family. Not an excuse but I’m here nonetheless!
July 15 (Day 4): Tranquil/ Thrill
AO3 Link
Adam is, typically, not a man of scholarship. Of course, that is not to say that he doesn’t do it, nor that he does not enjoy books and research, but he also knows that he is not Nate. His strengths lie elsewhere, in the physical rather than the intellectual, something he has had many years to understand and accept. As such, despite his general appreciation for knowledge and reading, particularly when it pertains to better serving the Agency, he does not often frequent the library.
And yet, in this moment, he does not want to be anywhere else.
He doesn’t even fully understand it himself. Not what strange flight of fancy led him over to the library in the first place, when he had plenty of work he should have been focusing on, nor what compelled him to stay once she expressed her willingness to continue researching despite Felix and Mason’s departure. Just as his feet moved without his awareness, the words were out of his mouth before his brain caught up.
But it’s… nice.
He glances upward. From nearly the first moment they met, Surina has proven herself to be a woman focused on science and knowledge, with the training and skill to back up her obvious preference. But even if he did not already know, it is clear enough from just her posture alone.
It is a strange thing. If he was asked to guess, that night at the warehouse, what kind of a woman the detective they were assigned to protect was, he knows what words he would have chosen—combative, impulsive, perhaps even aggressive. And he would not have been wrong, per se, not given the number of times they have gone head to head. She is every bit as stubborn and passionate as he first suspected, but also righteous and loyal and bright enough that she can draw his attention, no matter what he should be focusing on.
At some point in the past hours, she has shifted her formal posture, now curled up into the corner of the couch with her legs tucked up under her. Gentle hands cradle the book in her lap, fingers smoothing over worn parchment with care, and he looks down to find his own hand twitching at her soft smile, at the quiet whisper in the back of his mind, wondering what those fingers might feel like…
Turning his head away, he exhales sharply, the sound deafening and abrupt in the peaceful room. But he does not need to watch to hear her start, to hear her pulse race in her chest. In spite of his best efforts, he stiffens, body tensing ever so slightly from his lapse in judgment, from the sudden intrusion in his thoughts.
Silence, save for the thundering rush of their heartbeats, hers only marginally louder than his own, is the only response he receives. When he chances a glance back in her direction, it is to find her watching him, her smile replaced by a faint frown and her eyebrows knitted together, and he almost, almost, flinches when she speaks.
“Find anything?”
Her voice is low, but it still seems to carry throughout in the library, echoing in his mind. He presses his lips together, forces his hand to stillness rather than clenching around the spine of his book, but the concern in the depths of those grey eyes, tempered by curiosity and calm and something else, something he does not dare to recognize, seems to draw an answer from his chest. “Not yet.”
She hums in reply, her face settling back into neutrality as she casts her focus back down without additional commentary, and he lets out a breath he didn’t know he was holding as he attempts to do the same, to no avail. Instead, he can only stare, unseeing, at the book before him, mind consumed by her every soft inhale, every turning page. He knows better than to let his guard down, knows that doing so will bring nothing but pain to them both, and yet…
And yet words rise in his chest, dance on the tip of his tongue, questions and observations and a strange desire for idle conversation. They have him gritting his teeth into a grimace to keep them all in, an expression that, given the way her face drops, does not go unnoticed.
Still, he is taken aback when, rather than make a comment, as she is so wont to do, she only sighs, a light puff of air that in spite of himself, he can feel against his hypersensitive skin. He should feel relieved, given his own resolution only a day earlier, should focus on his research or, better yet, leave her to her work, but when she stretches, languid and luxurious, almost feline in nature, he finds himself fighting to keep from staring.
Even so, he is not quick enough to avert his eyes before she catches him in the act. His heart freezes, pinned under her sharp gaze. For a moment, she seems to deliberate, emotions flashing across her face in quick succession, embarrassment and amusement, before settling on a faint, polite smile that is so at odds with the woman he has come to know.
It is what he wants, what is best for them both. He knows this, has always known this, and it is even supported by his ridiculous flight of fancy at the carnival.
He does not put stock into fate, has always believed in the power of individual effort and success, but for once, he finds him repeating the fortuneteller’s words in a mantra in his mind and ignoring the faint pang in his chest. Instead, he forces his own gaze back to the faint spidery print he has been attempting to decipher and away from the woman he has already come to realize he will never be able to.
#Wayhaven Week 2020#Adam du Mortain/MC#Adam du Mortain/Detective#Tina writes stuff.#Tina plays TWC.#commanding agent of my heart#otp: tu omnia#Surina Langford
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could you elaborate on the long term plot of greater boston? i don't mind spoilers! i tried it but couldn't get past the first episode :( but i trust your taste and i've liked every other show you've rec'd so i wanna keep listening
EDIT: okay for some reason the formatting of this post is EXTREMELY befuckened and I can’t get it to behave, so it’s possible that this isn’t going to display with a spoiler cut and if so I am VERY sorry. the “keep reading” break is in the ask instead of the body of the post I have no idea what’s happening right now but if you don’t want spoilers please be aware this post spoils like everything about the show
Sure thing! I will .... do my best, but because of the nature of GB’s plot it’s a bit difficult to describe it without ending up either way too detailed or way too vague. But I will absolutely do my best because if there is any show out there that deserves it, this is that show. Cut for Obvious Spoiler Reasons!
So, there’s a LOT of plot that goes on, but what a plot summary could never convey is that the real heart and soul of this show is the characters. There are a metric fuckton of them, and every one of them is multidimensional and dynamic and wonderful, even if it’s not always obvious at first.
Leon Stamatis of course starts the show by abruptly dying of Existential Crisis/Panic Attack on a roller coaster, which sets everything else in motion. Of that big ensemble cast, at first the most important players are
Nica, Leon’s little sister who wants to be famous but doesn’t really have any concrete plans as to how
Dimitri, Leon’s little brother who is currently traveling in a submarine attempting to find Atlantis and keeps sending Leon letters, unaware that he’s dead
Louisa, Leon’s recent ex, a wedding photographer who later quits and becomes a crime scene photographer slash detective
Leon’s best friend/roommate Michael, who is unemployed and has just had a relapse after being sober for 12 years because he has no idea what to do without Leon
Gemma, a lesbian who absolutely hates her job as an editor at Third Sight, a company which publishes magazines relating to astrology/psychic stuff/divination/etc
Charlotte, Gemma’s pregnant wife, who has recently lost her job as an animation background artist and is feeling directionless
Professor Paul Montgomery Chelmsworth, aka the Mayor of the Red Line, a slightly eccentric college professor and casual friend of Leon’s who is inspired by his death to call for a referendum declaring that the Red Line of the Boston subway system will become an independent city.
It’s that last one that is the real ~main plot~ of the show: at first, more and more of the characters getting caught up in the campaign to create the city of Red Line, and then the chaos that results when they succeed and actually have to run it. But you also have characters like Louisa and Nica and Michael, dealing with a whole rainbow of grief and distress as they cope with Leon’s death. His eccentric personality is the other driving force of the show’s events -- Leon was caring and compassionate, but also obsessed with timetables, organization, and scheduling every action in his life down to the minute.
The other major force in the show is Third Sight, a magazine publisher with a focus on fortunetelling and the like; Michael ends up working there, along with Gemma and several other major characters. Third Sight also has an enigmatic boss no one has ever seen, who turns out to be a manipulative little bastard named Oliver West.
While Red Line successfully becomes a city, “Mayor” Chelmsworth turns out to have some major commitment issues and vanishes as soon as the vote passes, leaving Charlotte and Gemma to clean up the mess. Charlotte ends up interim mayor, but also begins to campaign for the upcoming mayoral election, in which she has two opponents: Isabelle Powell, a Black realtor and an incredible character whom I absolutely cannot do justice here, and Emily Bespin, Literally The Worst Person Who Has Ever Existed, Holy Fuck I Hate Her So Much.
The election is being manipulated behind the scenes by Oliver West, who also takes advantage of Nica’s isolation and a near mental breakdown to convince her to help him by orchestrating several escalating ~pranks~ in Red Line. Honestly he’s manipulating literally everyone, and also heavily backing Emily Bespin, in an attempt to profit off of influence in the new city. Eventually this ends up with Michael kidnapped and imprisoned, several other characters attacked and one badly hurt during a wedding in Red Line, and Isabelle Powell’s nephew framed for the attack. That results in Powell’s supporters beginning a set of protests which throw Red Line into even further chaos, even as Charlotte and Nica begin to have some real moral epiphanies about how they’ve been acting.
As events continue to escalate and the election draws closer and closer, the now-assembled cast have to figure out just who exactly is manipulating events and how -- not to mention how to prove Powell’s nephew’s innocence, what the hell has happened to Michael, and what the hell they’re going to do if Bespin wins the election and makes good on her promise to evict everyone involved in the protests.
Meanwhile, Dimitri is traumatized by finding a mass grave at the bottom of the Pacific Ocean, gets rescued and then imprisoned in Alaska by infamous vanished plane hijacker DB Cooper, finally makes it home to Boston disillusioned and lonely only to inevitably find out his brother has been dead for two years, and then gets totally rejected by his sister, because he basically can’t catch a break.
Also meanwhile, the same conflicts playing out in Red Line play out on a more metaphysical level, in the structure of the show itself. While the first season only hints at the possibility that Leon might not be quite as gone as everyone thinks, as the show progresses Leon’s ghost makes his presence known by starting to argue with the omniscient narration. Increasingly taking over the show’s narration until a brilliant scene where said narrator quits and audibly gets up from the microphone and leaves, Leon, the man who spent his whole life trying to impose order on the chaos of the universe around him, finds himself battling the very structure of the story they’re in, in an attempt to help his friends as both he and they are caught up in the chaos of Red Line and Oliver West’s plans. Unfortunately, the structure of the story has other ideas, and plans of its own.
None of this, of course, even begins to touch on the cheese robots; or Michael’s ongoing struggle with self-actualization and alcoholism; or Mallory the foulmouthed teenager who somehow manages to first witness and then be involved in nearly every major plot event of the show; or the in-depth examination of structural racism as it relates to things like housing and city planning and Boston’s history and well-intentioned white liberals and the imprisonment of Black youth; or Star Trek obsessed chaotic neutral gay reporter Chuck Octagon and that one time he flirted with his own mirror universe self; or the complex but beautiful process of Charlotte and Gemma working on their relationship in the midst of all this chaos because while they have troubles throughout they truly love one another and are trying to be better people; or the fact that one of the other major characters is an insufferable Loud Vegan member of a polyamorous commune who -- on the advice of his ~spirit advisor~ the ghost of 19th century feminist writer Mary Wollstonecraft keeps changing his name throughout the show to things including Earthman, Panda Bear, Extinction Event, and Dipshit; or the unfortunately real Olive Garden food truck; or the laughter and the tears and the flamethrowers and the fact that one of the show’s most important and heartbreaking conversations takes place on an amusement park log flume ride audibly filled with liquid nacho cheese.
It’s a good show, is what I’m saying, basically.
#the podcast that never returned#more like THE SUMMARY THAT NEVER ENDED#I have no idea whether this is useful my apologies#Anonymous#asks#my posts
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Murder in the Bible
The act of murder is rampant in the Bible. In much of the Bible, especially the Old Testament, there are laws that command that people be killed for absurd reasons such as working on the Sabbath, being gay, cursing your parents, or not being a virgin on your wedding night. In addition to these crazy and immoral laws, there are plenty of examples of God’s irrationality by his direct killing of many people for reasons that defy any rational explanation such as killing children who make fun of bald people, and the killing of a man who tried to keep the ark of God from falling during transport. There are also countless examples of mass murders commanded by God, including the murder of women, infants, and children.
The following passages are a very small percentage of the total passages approving of murder in the Bible. They are divided here into three parts: 1) Capital Punishment Crimes, 2) God’s Murders for Stupid Reasons, 3) Murdering Children, and 4) Miscellaneous Murders. This list is long, but it barely scratches the surface of all the murders approved of in the Bible.
1) Capital Punishment Crimes:
Kill People Who Don’t Listen to Priests
Anyone arrogant enough to reject the verdict of the judge or of the priest who represents the LORD your God must be put to death. Such evil must be purged from Israel. (Deuteronomy 17:12 NLT)
Kill Witches
You should not let a sorceress live. (Exodus 22:17 NAB)
Kill Homosexuals
“If a man lies with a male as with a women, both of them shall be put to death for their abominable deed; they have forfeited their lives.” (Leviticus 20:13 NAB)
Kill Fortunetellers
A man or a woman who acts as a medium or fortuneteller shall be put to death by stoning; they have no one but themselves to blame for their death. (Leviticus 20:27 NAB)
Death for Hitting Dad
Whoever strikes his father or mother shall be put to death. (Exodus 21:15 NAB)
Death for Cursing Parents
1) If one curses his father or mother, his lamp will go out at the coming of darkness. (Proverbs 20:20 NAB)
2) All who curse their father or mother must be put to death. They are guilty of a capital offense. (Leviticus 20:9 NLT)
Death for Adultery
If a man commits adultery with another man’s wife, both the man and the woman must be put to death. (Leviticus 20:10 NLT)
Death for Fornication
A priest’s daughter who loses her honor by committing fornication and thereby dishonors her father also, shall be burned to death. (Leviticus 21:9 NAB)
Death to Followers of Other Religions
Whoever sacrifices to any god, except the Lord alone, shall be doomed. (Exodus 22:19 NAB)
Kill Nonbelievers
They entered into a covenant to seek the Lord, the God of their fathers, with all their heart and soul; and everyone who would not seek the Lord, the God of Israel, was to be put to death, whether small or great, whether man or woman. (2 Chronicles 15:12-13 NAB)
Kill False Prophets
If a man still prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall say to him, “You shall not live, because you have spoken a lie in the name of the Lord.” When he prophesies, his parents, father and mother, shall thrust him through. (Zechariah 13:3 NAB)
Kill the Entire Town if One Person Worships Another God
Suppose you hear in one of the towns the LORD your God is giving you that some worthless rabble among you have led their fellow citizens astray by encouraging them to worship foreign gods. In such cases, you must examine the facts carefully. If you find it is true and can prove that such a detestable act has occurred among you, you must attack that town and completely destroy all its inhabitants, as well as all the livestock. Then you must pile all the plunder in the middle of the street and burn it. Put the entire town to the torch as a burnt offering to the LORD your God. That town must remain a ruin forever; it may never be rebuilt. Keep none of the plunder that has been set apart for destruction. Then the LORD will turn from his fierce anger and be merciful to you. He will have compassion on you and make you a great nation, just as he solemnly promised your ancestors. “The LORD your God will be merciful only if you obey him and keep all the commands I am giving you today, doing what is pleasing to him.” (Deuteronomy 13:13-19 NLT)
Kill Women Who Are Not Virgins On Their Wedding Night
But if this charge is true (that she wasn’t a virgin on her wedding night), and evidence of the girls virginity is not found, they shall bring the girl to the entrance of her fathers house and there her townsman shall stone her to death, because she committed a crime against Israel by her unchasteness in her father’s house. Thus shall you purge the evil from your midst. (Deuteronomy 22:20-21 NAB)
Kill Followers of Other Religions.
1) If your own full brother, or your son or daughter, or your beloved wife, or you intimate friend, entices you secretly to serve other gods, whom you and your fathers have not known, gods of any other nations, near at hand or far away, from one end of the earth to the other: do not yield to him or listen to him, nor look with pity upon him, to spare or shield him, but kill him. Your hand shall be the first raised to slay him; the rest of the people shall join in with you. You shall stone him to death, because he sought to lead you astray from the Lord, your God, who brought you out of the land of Egypt, that place of slavery. And all Israel, hearing of this, shall fear and never do such evil as this in your midst. (Deuteronomy 13:7-12 NAB)
2) Suppose a man or woman among you, in one of your towns that the LORD your God is giving you, has done evil in the sight of the LORD your God and has violated the covenant by serving other gods or by worshiping the sun, the moon, or any of the forces of heaven, which I have strictly forbidden. When you hear about it, investigate the matter thoroughly. If it is true that this detestable thing has been done in Israel, then that man or woman must be taken to the gates of the town and stoned to death. (Deuteronomy 17:2-5 NLT)
Death for Blasphemy
One day a man who had an Israelite mother and an Egyptian father got into a fight with one of the Israelite men. During the fight, this son of an Israelite woman blasphemed the LORD’s name. So the man was brought to Moses for judgment. His mother’s name was Shelomith. She was the daughter of Dibri of the tribe of Dan. They put the man in custody until the LORD’s will in the matter should become clear. Then the LORD said to Moses, “Take the blasphemer outside the camp, and tell all those who heard him to lay their hands on his head. Then let the entire community stone him to death. Say to the people of Israel: Those who blaspheme God will suffer the consequences of their guilt and be punished. Anyone who blasphemes the LORD’s name must be stoned to death by the whole community of Israel. Any Israelite or foreigner among you who blasphemes the LORD’s name will surely die. (Leviticus 24:10-16 NLT)
Kill False Prophets
1) Suppose there are prophets among you, or those who have dreams about the future, and they promise you signs or miracles, and the predicted signs or miracles take place. If the prophets then say, ‘Come, let us worship the gods of foreign nations,’ do not listen to them. The LORD your God is testing you to see if you love him with all your heart and soul. Serve only the LORD your God and fear him alone. Obey his commands, listen to his voice, and cling to him. The false prophets or dreamers who try to lead you astray must be put to death, for they encourage rebellion against the LORD your God, who brought you out of slavery in the land of Egypt. Since they try to keep you from following the LORD your God, you must execute them to remove the evil from among you. (Deuteronomy 13:1-5 NLT)
2) But any prophet who claims to give a message from another god or who falsely claims to speak for me must die.’ You may wonder, ‘How will we know whether the prophecy is from the LORD or not?’ If the prophet predicts something in the LORD’s name and it does not happen, the LORD did not give the message. That prophet has spoken on his own and need not be feared. (Deuteronomy 18:20-22 NLT)
Infidels and Gays Should Die
So God let them go ahead and do whatever shameful things their hearts desired. As a result, they did vile and degrading things with each other’s bodies. Instead of believing what they knew was the truth about God, they deliberately chose to believe lies. So they worshiped the things God made but not the Creator himself, who is to be praised forever. Amen. That is why God abandoned them to their shameful desires. Even the women turned against the natural way to have sex and instead indulged in sex with each other. And the men, instead of having normal sexual relationships with women, burned with lust for each other. Men did shameful things with other men and, as a result, suffered within themselves the penalty they so richly deserved. When they refused to acknowledge God, he abandoned them to their evil minds and let them do things that should never be done. Their lives became full of every kind of wickedness, sin, greed, hate, envy, murder, fighting, deception, malicious behavior, and gossip. They are backstabbers, haters of God, insolent, proud, and boastful. They are forever inventing new ways of sinning and are disobedient to their parents. They refuse to understand, break their promises, and are heartless and unforgiving. They are fully aware of God’s death penalty for those who do these things, yet they go right ahead and do them anyway. And, worse yet, they encourage others to do them, too. (Romans 1:24-32 NLT)
Kill Anyone who Approaches the Tabernacle
For the LORD had said to Moses, ‘Exempt the tribe of Levi from the census; do not include them when you count the rest of the Israelites. You must put the Levites in charge of the Tabernacle of the Covenant, along with its furnishings and equipment. They must carry the Tabernacle and its equipment as you travel, and they must care for it and camp around it. Whenever the Tabernacle is moved, the Levites will take it down and set it up again. Anyone else who goes too near the Tabernacle will be executed.’ (Numbers 1:48-51 NLT)
Kill People for Working on the Sabbath
The LORD then gave these further instructions to Moses: ‘Tell the people of Israel to keep my Sabbath day, for the Sabbath is a sign of the covenant between me and you forever. It helps you to remember that I am the LORD, who makes you holy. Yes, keep the Sabbath day, for it is holy. Anyone who desecrates it must die; anyone who works on that day will be cut off from the community. Work six days only, but the seventh day must be a day of total rest. I repeat: Because the LORD considers it a holy day, anyone who works on the Sabbath must be put to death.’ (Exodus 31:12-15 NLT)
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So if you’re going into The Witcher on Netflix without having read the books, be aware that the plots in each episode are linked thematically, not chronologically. As far as I can gather, the Fall of Cintra and everything involving Ciri takes place in the “present” timeline, while just about everything else, all the way up to the final episode, is a flashback. They don’t make this very obvious at first, and I’m not sure how a viewer who’s still learning everybody’s names and how this world works are going to catch all the hints in Yennefer’s origin scenes that they take place almost a century before anything else that happens.
Here’s a non-exhaustive list of changes that were made, most of which I think work better for the narrative:
The framing story of The Last Wish is gone, and we only get an offhand mention of the Sisters of Melitele. In the original collection of short stories, Geralt had to spend a few weeks recovering from the Striga attack seen in the third episode. The story where that happens was not only the first published Witcher story, but didn’t originally involve Triss. I do think it’s a much better way of introducing her character than how the books did it, which was an offhand mention by Yennefer folllowed by a gigantic infodump in Blood of Elves.
Foltest was extremely forthcoming in the original story, and the incest between him and his sister was more of an open secret. The idea to cure the Striga was something a fortuneteller had told him, and was the reason nobody had taken the contract in recent years. I do like the way they framed it here better, even if it robbed us of the “she’s the most striggish striga to ever striga!” line.
The Fall of Cintra was never explicity shown in the books, only recounted after the fact. Neither was the Battle at Sodden Hill. Geralt wasn’t present for either, and only heard of them through stories the locals told, and was, among other false information, under the impression that Triss Merigold died in the battle (she gets burned in the show, but in the books she was immolated from head to toe and didn’t even have skin until the mages fixed her up). Because we’re not stuck with only his perspective this time, we get to see both.
Geralt was, however, present for the scenes in the Forests of Brokilon, as the short story where that happens is the first time he meets Ciri. It actually takes place before the Fall of Cintra, and he just gives her to Mousesack at the end of it, leaving Ciri screaming “I’m your destiny!” after him.
Geralt originally met Stregobor before he met Renfri of Creydon (and already knew who he was, rather than having to be told), and he and the Ealdorman of Blaviken also had a pre-existing relationship. The story Geralt tells his horse about his “first monster” was originally part of one of the framing device chapters that consists entirely of Geralt monologuing his origin to a character who is mute and therefore can’t talk back to him. Having Roach fill that role instead makes sense.
Geralt and Jaskier (also called Dandelion in a few translations) didn’t have a scene where they first meet in the books, they’ve just known each other for years even by the time “The Edge of The World” takes place. That story originally involved a forest spirit who stopped the elves from killing them because nature had apparently chosen humans as the future.
Jaskier wasn’t present for Pavetta’s betrothal feast, and Geralt was invited there under the alias “Ravix of Fourhorn” by Queen Calanthe, who came up with the plan to use him to kill Duny before the event even happened. This is a much livelier version of that story, which mostly consists of an overly long conversation between Geralt and Calanthe that I’m glad they trimmed down.
They made a few changes to “The Last Wish,” in which Yennefer merely wanted to bind the Djinn to her will in the original, whereas here she wants to absorb it into herself. The scene where they fuck in the ruins of the mayor’s house, with Dandelion saying: “Oh, they’re alive. They’re very alive,” played out with that exact level of comedy in the original short story.
In “The Bounds of Reason,” the story where they hunt the dragon, there were quite a few things different:
Yennefer already knew about the wish, and wanted to use the dragon to undo it. I like the change made here, because unlike other stories involving infertile women, she isn’t portrayed as a monster or a helpless victim but as someone who wants to take back a choice that was stolen from her. It lines up perfectly with her characterization in the books too, where she also longed for motherhood.
The reason the green dragon was vulnerable in the original is because a peasant had filled a dead sheep with poison and tricked the dragon into eating it.
King Niedamir accompanied the expedition, and originally wanted to hunt the dragon because he was told he couldn’t marry the Princess of Malleore unless he’d slain one. At the end of everything he just decides to marry the princess anyway and torture anyone who disagrees.
In the cliff scene, Geralt and Yennefer were the ones dangling, and Yennefer said she was “admiring the view” while clinging to his waist.
Eyck of Denesle didn’t get his throat slit in the woods, but attacked Villentretenmerth (who actually appears in his true form much earlier, but the fact that he’s disguised in human form is still secret), and got his spine broken for his trouble.
Yennefer actually gets to fight and kill in this version, unlike in the original where the Reavers tie her up and tear her shirt open while attempting to rape her, and Dandelion won’t stop staring at her chest. This is unequivocally the better version
Geralt and Yennefer actually get back together in this story, rather than being driven apart, because again, she already knew about the wish.
This does mean that “A Shard of Ice” gets cut completely, but I think meeting Istredd as part of Yennefer’s backstory works better than a story in which he and Geralt attempt to duel each other over her, before she just breaks up with both of them.
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Dragon Ball Z 110
Piccolo’s awesome. He shows up in the Garlic Junior Saga, and he just throws a thousand gallons of shade all over him. “Garlic Junior, huh? I seem to recall a shit-tier movie villain by that name. But it coudn’t be the same guy as your boss, Spice. No, the Garlic Junior I’m thinking of was a total loser who got beaten by a toddler.”
Maron starts freaking out. The talking pig wasn’t so bad but then Chi-Chi tried to fight her, then all of Krillin’s friends went bonkers, and now the demons in slutty costumes showed up, and now this.
Krillin’s like, “Honey, you knew I had brass balls when you started going out with me. You must have known that I’d get into insane super-adventures all the time.”
Meanwhile, Piccolo wants to know how Garlic Junior escaped from the Dead Zone, since the Spice Boys are clearly too weak to have accomplished this themselves. Piccolo’s not taking any prisoners today.
Spice points straight up, because Part 4 was his favorite JoJo.
The answer, as it turns out, is the Makyo Star. Well, actually, it’s a planet, but I’m pretty sure the Japanese words for “star” and “planet” are kind of interchangeable? I always assumed this was due to early astronomers lacking a distinction between the two. The word “planet”, as I recall, comes from a word meaning “wanderer”, because they looked like stars in the sky, except they followed different paths through the night sky from all the real stars.
Anyway, the Funimation dub calls it “Makyo Star”, while the subtitles translate it as “Makyo World”. “The Planet Makyo” probably would have made more sense, but whatever. What’s funny is that I know English has words to distinguish planets from stars, but we end up mudding the waters anyway, because “Makyo Star” sounds cooler.
Spice’s point is that Makyo is the homeworld of the Mazoku, or Demon Clan, and it approaches the Earth once every 5000 years. When it does, it empowers every demon on Earth, including Garlic Junior, who used the boost to muscle his way out of the Dead Zone.
The weird thing is that he points out that Piccolo ought to have already been aware of this, since Piccolo once identified as Mazoku when he was a villain. And this is why the Mazoku/Demon concept is so confused in this show. Piccolo’s clearly not a demon, he’s a Namekian from the Planet Namek. He was never not a Namekian. I always assumed that King Piccolo called himself Daimao (demon king) because he was evil and had no idea what else to call himself.
But then we got the lore about how anyone killed by the Mazoku was unable to find rest in the afterlife, so there seemed to be real consequences for being a demon. This wasn’t just a throwaway line either. Kami mentioned this rule again when Piccolo killed Raditz in DBZ. Raditz was able to proceed into the afterlife, suggesting that Piccolo had ceased to be be a demon somehow.
This suggested to me that being a demon in Dragon Ball was more about a state of mind, or a corruption of the soul. It was something you could inherit or succumb to, but you could also stop being one if properly motivated. Like voting Republican. But now, Spice is pointing to the Makyo Star, basically revealing that he’s an alien, and wondering why Piccolo didn’t already know about it.
Confusing the issue even more, let’s not forget about the demons in the filler episode from the Fortuneteller Baba Saga. Those guys were led by Shula, and they seemed to live in a cave. Are they Makyans as well? And what about the bad guys in Movie 4? Lord Slug was a Namekian, but his henchmen called themselves Mazoku? Were they Makyans? And why were they vulnerable to sunlight.
Oh, and there’s also Dabura from the Buu Saga, and all the demon lore introduced in Xenoverse and Dragon Ball Heroes, but there’s no sense getting into that.
I guess what I’m driving at is that you’d think Spice would accuse Piccolo of being a poser. He was never a “true” demon in the first place, because he’s from Namek and he didn’t even know what the Makyo Star was. Instead, Spice seems to buy into him being a demon, if only a former one.
Oh, also, while Spice tells this story, the video shows evil spirits floating through the cities, because the Makyo Star is making them stronger. So are these Mazoku as well?
Of course, Garlic’s whole plan this time around involves converting everyone into a demon, using the Black Water Mist. I mean, Oolong sure as hell wasn’t a demon before, but he is now, according to the bad guys.
And Spice is even offering to let Piccolo join them, since he used to be Mazoku before. So it feels like the bar is pretty low for becoming a Mazoku. You inhale cursed mist and become one against your will, or you come from the planet Makyo, or you can just be a disaffected jerk like King Piccolo or Lord Slug.
I like the way the dub handles this scene. Spice’s pitch is that Piccolo really has nothing left to fight for, because the battle’s already over, and Garlic won. The Lookout has fallen, every living thing on Earth has become a loyal subject of Garlic Junior, and they really don’t seem to mind. And wasn’t this sort of what Piccolo had been meaning to do before the Saiyans showed up? Would it be so out-of-character for him to just accept this state of affairs and throw in with the bad guys? Maybe this is the way it ends. Maybe Piccolo should just take this as it is.
Yeah, right.
Piccolo tosses off his weighted cape and turban, and everyone’s like “Is that your answer, you want to fight?” I like that they know what’s up. When Piccolo takes off his gear, it’s time to throw down.
Maybe once, Piccolo might have gone along with this, but I doubt it. Even as a villain, he was motivated by his nature as an outcast. Spice just dared him to take on the whole world, and Piccolo’s like “wouldn’t be the first time.”
Also, why should this dude sweat anybody on Team Garlic? Piccolo’s faced the Saiyans and Frieza, and he’s still here. He’s not King Piccolo’s assassin anymore. He’s a proud son of Namek, and he’s going to honor his heritage the only way he knows how: whuppin’ some demon ass.
Of course, Piccolo can’t just fight the Spice Boys, because Yamcha’s working for them now, and he can fly and fight too. So the Spice Boys just stand back and let Yamcha do their dirty work for them. Gohan really doesn’t like this, and that seems to be a major theme for him in this arc. Garlic is putting him in a position where he has to fight his loved ones, and he just can’t handle it. As strong as he is, he lacks the will to fight back in these situations.
Oh, hey, Yukio Ebisawa is involved in this episode. Like I said before, he’s harder to spot without Vegeta around, but when he has Maron morph into some sort of triangle monster to defend herself from Bulma and Chi-Chi, it’s hard to ignore.
This is what Vegito dreams about...
Fortunately, Icarus shows up to save Maron. Also, Yukio Ebisawa has her swimsuit grow to cover more of her body. Normally, I’d complain about the continuity flub, but I’m grateful to Ebisawa for this, since his Maron would look even worse in a thong.
Also, Evil Paur jumps in and saves Evil Yamcha from Piccolo. This looks pretty disturbing, like Puar is eating Piccolo’s face.
Gohan and Krillin try to help, but Piccolo sends them to Kami’s Lookout, since their only chance of fixing this mess is to get the Ultra Holy Water and use it before it’s too late. He’s going to stay behind and hold these buttholes off.
That’s a tall order though. Well, the Spice Boys and Yamcha are the real threat here. Chi-Chi and Roshi, not so much, and frankly Evil Oolong looks more funny than threatening.
Oh, then they start biting him. Hot damn.
Goku looks like he’s pretty happy that he’s not in this episode. “Hey, guys, it’s me, Goku! Boy I sure am glad I’m on Planet Yardrat right now. Yamcha looks pretty messed up!”
Back from the break, everyone jumps on Piccolo and starts bitiing him. That’s just kind of sick how they dangle off him like lampreys. What made them decide to do this, exactly? Did the Spice Boys tell them to? Did they come up with it on their own?
Gohan was pretty reluctant to leave Piccolo in that mess, but he eventually did as he was told, and now they’re on their way to the Lookout. So is Maron, apparently, because she doesn’t know any better, and Krillin’s too afraid to tell her no.
#squad goals.
Vinegar wants to kill Piccolo while he’s down, but Spice reminds him that if they do, the Dragon Balls will be rendered useless. Besides, if you get bitten by someone infected with the Black Water Mist, you end up the same as if you inhaled it yourself. So Piccolo should now be just like Bulma and the others.
And yeah, that’s exactly what happens.
Meanwhile, oh hell yeah, it’s the Vegeta part. This saga rules.
So if you’re wondering where Vegeta’s been during all of this, he left Earth in Episode 107. Here, we see that he’s been hunting for Goku. For some reason, this has led him to an army of Litts, the same species Vegeta mentioned when he was handing out Frieza Soldier uniforms to Krillin and Gohan. Geets beats them all, then interrogates one to find out where Goku is. This episode is kind of notable for being one of the few times Vegeta refers to Goku as “Goku”.
The Litts don’t know anything about it, though. Apparently they don’t even know that Frieza’s been defeated, which seems odd, considering that he’s been gone for ten months now. Vegeta tells this dude to pass along a message to Frieza in hell Vegeta’s going to surpass and defeat Goku, so Frieza ought to feel grateful for this.
Back on Earth, Krillin and the gang reach Korin’s Tower, and are relieved to find Korin and Yajirobe are unaffected by the Black Water Mist. Korin has no idea what’s been going on, so he reads Gohan’s mind and flips out.
So Gohan and Krillin head up to the Lookout, and leave Icarus and Maron behind.
But when they arrive, they find the Spice Boys already waiting for them, along with their new buddy, Piccolo. Uh-oh...
#dragon ball#2019dbliveblog#garlic junior saga#gohan#krillin#piccolo#korin#vegeta#yajirobe#garlic junior#spice#vinegar#salt#mustard#bulma#chi chi#master roshi#oolong#puar#yamcha#maron#icarus
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Phan Cam: We ain’t your ordinary Rugrats
WARNING: SOME PERSONA 5 ROYAL SPOILERS AHEAD.
>We arrive at a place called Java Lava Coffee House. We came here to learn a little more about our target, Coco La Bouche.
Let’s see, we need to find her old employee. If anyone knows more about what kind of person who old boss is, she might.
It’s a good thing they’re closing early today, we might get our chance.
How are we going to do this? Mrs. Finster isn’t going to just tell us without a good reason.
Leave that to me.
>We go inside.
Welcome to Java Lava! Sorry, but we’re closin’ soon. So what are- Wait a sec... Holy Cow, you’re the Detective Prince, Goro Akechi!
Crow: Glad to see that I’m known even here.
Loud Woman: So, what’ll ya have? For you, I’ll put it on the house.
Crow: I’m actually here to see your employer, Mrs. Finster?
Loud Woman: Alrighty then. Hey, Kira, someone’s here to see ya! You’ll never guess who it is!
>Then, a woman comes from the back.
Yes, Betty, what is it? Goro Akechi?
Crow: Kira Watanabe-Finster? If it’s alright, I would like to talk to you.
Kira: Alright.
>Kira and the woman known as Betty clears the rest of their customers out and put up the closed sign.
Kira: What is it you want to talk about?
Crow: It’s about your former employer, Madame Coco LaBouche?
>Hearing this, both Kira and Betty go silent.
Guess I’m on the right track.
Kira: I guess... You know.
Crow: About what she did to you and your husband years ago? Yes. I did research. But I here she’s still not over it.
Kira: Then you also know that... That me, Kimi, Chas, Chuckie have been getting threats.. And in her handwriting. Here’s the latest one.
>Kira hands Crow a letter.
Miroir miroir sur le mur, Qui est la vraie reine de tous?
L'envie est mon nouvel amour. Il me donne le pouvoir d'en haut.
La luxure sera mon meilleur ami. Avec cela, vous rencontrerez votre fin.
Finsters, votre temps est venu. J'aurai ma vengeance. Vous allez tout perdre.
Exactement comme moi.
Crow: My French is a little rusty.
Noir: I can read it. I’ve studied French.
>Noir reads the letter.
Mirror mirror on the wall, Who is the true queen of all?
Envy is my new love. He gives me power from above.
Lust shall be my best friend. With it, you will meet your end.
Finsters, your time has come. I will have my vengeance. You will lose everything.
Just like me.
Kira: I just don’t know what she means. She loves being jealous of me? And how is lust going to hurt us?
Crow: Then I don’t suppose of heard of this man.
Kira: I think I have. There’s a picture of him Coco kept in her desk.
Betty: That looks like Lucas Brimstone.
Kira: I think that’s sounds familiar.
Betty: You should. He the Minister of Envy, one of the highest members of L.E.G.I.O.N.
Queen: The League of Evil Gentlemen Intent on Obliterating Nations? I have heard of them from my father’s old files. I think one of them also talked about Lucas Brimstone. He’s English, was the CEO of Brimstone Industries, and the ministry he leads are known for intelligence gathering and assassination. But what does he have to do with Coco LaBouche?
Lucky for you, I also did research. As of last year, Coco LaBouche and Lucas Brimstone...
Are husband and wife!
Kira: (surprised) I didn’t know she got married.
Crow: But I doubt she has gotten over what happened that day in Paris with you and Chas. I can only guess what happened next. After L.E.G.I.O.N.’s attack on Paris, Madame LaBouche must have gotten mixed up with them and met up with Brimstone.
Queen: But if she already had a picture of him, I guess she already knew him.
??????? and ??????: Indeed she does.
>We were shocked by the two newcomers.
Grandma Lindsay? Grandma Martha?
Betty: How did you two get in here? Guess I forgot to lock the door.
Lindsay: Can really expect a couple of old biddies to recall everything that’s happened?
What are you two doing here?
Martha: We were just in the neighborhood and we saw you.
Lindsay: So we thought we would drop by and see how you are doing. We heard you were speaking of Coco LaBouche and Lucas Brimstone.
Martha: So, as fortunetellers, we might know of some things that might help.
Joker: Well, I normally have another who does my fortunes, but I guess I can ask you. I don’t want to take too much of her time by having her come all the way to America...
Bruce san will be disappointed.
Martha: Very well. Would you like to speak to Lindsay?
Lindsay: Would you like to speak to Martha?
>We’re listening.
Lindsay: Did you know that Coco LaBouche and Lucas Brimstone know each other since high school.
Martha: Coco LaBouche and Lucas Brimstone were both students at Francoise Dupont High School... As was Madame Coco’s rival.
Lindsay: She was the one who one Mr. Lucas’s affection and became... his first wife.
Persephone.
Martha: Yes. They both were after Mr. Lucas’s heart. In the end. Ms. Persephone came out the victor.
Lindsay: Since then, Madame Coco buried herself in her work with Yamaguchi Industries which was a big rival Brimstone Industries. And in time, she became head of EuroReptarland.
Martha: And the rest is history.
Crow: Indeed it is. Persephone and Brimstone were married and they joined L.E.G.I.O.N. Brimstone became the Minister of Envy and Persephone became the Minister of Gluttony who deal with theft. Then came Devil’s Night, an even in which L.E.G.I.O.N. unleashed a worldwide attack. When Persephone saw this, she felt nothing but remorse for it and left L.E.G.I.O.N. and Brimstone. This only made him angry and attacked Paris. This convinced Persephone that it was time to take down L.E.G.I.O.N...
And M.A.Y.H.E.M. was born.
M.A.Y.H.E.M.?
Crow: Multinational Agency for Hunting Evil Masterminds. My guess is that they met up again after the attack. Sensing how much they were hurt, they got together. And then, got married last year. Followed by L.E.G.I.O.N. gaining a new ministry, the Ministry of Lust... With Coco LaBouche being its minister.
Oracle: And my guess is that for their one year anniversary, they’re going to get rid of the people who they believe gave them the most grief. And judging by the threats the Finsters got, they’re first. They’ll get rid of Persephone later.
Kira: This is terrible. Should we tell this M.A.Y.H.E.M.?
Violet: I doubt such a big organization is going to waste their time on a revenge plot for something like this. Do you even know what the Ministry of Lust does? ... White collar crime.
Oracle: My guess is, that “Cucu” lady might try to steal your identity to frame you for a crime. Do some kind of fraud job. Or even bribe someone to take you down.
Betty: I think I know how the bribery fits into this. The cafe’s annual health inspection is comin’ up. Coco might try to bribe the inspector to fail us. That will close down this place.
Kira: She’s right. This cafe is all me and Chas have left. It’s our sole source of income. If we lose it, we might lose everything. I know we have each other, but I don’t want us to end up on the streets.
Betty: Now Kira, you know we won’t let that happen.
Besides... I hear the Phantom Thieves might do something about it.
Kira: Can they really? I’ve heard of them online, but can they really stop Coco?
Crow: If they succeed in giving her a change of heart, yes.
??????????: Perhaps. Men once called her a heartless shrewd, but I guess getting married changed that.
Betty: Now I really wish I remembered to lock that door!
I doubt it wold have made a difference.
Kira: And we don’t permit smoking here.
Right, sorry about that.
Violet: (surprised) I guess I was wrong. M.A.Y.H.E.M. would help with something like this.
Persephone: (putting our her cigarette stick) My ex-husband marries my old rival and plans to surprise her by giving her the power to destroy her enemies as an anniversary gift and I wouldn’t know about it?
Kira: So, what will you do about it?
Persephone: ... We might come up with something soon. Right now, you should relax. Your family is already worried about these threats, they don’t need more worrying over you.
Kira: Al- Alright. Just do it. Not just for me and Chas... But for our children.
Persephone: Rest assure, we will.
Betty: And in case M.A.Y.H.E.M. is lookin’ for more members, I think I might be available.
Friday: ... You should know, we won’t compensate your family if anything happens to you.
Betty: ... Strike that. Never mind.
Joker: Right. We should-
>I see that Grandma Lindsay and Grandma Martha have already left... But I’m sure we might see them again.
>Out side after Kira and Betty left, Persephone and Friday have us follow them to the park.
I take it you want to talk to us.
Persephone: Quick to the point. (lights up her cigarette stick) Just what I’d expect from the Phantom Thieves.
I’m not actually surprised that you know who we are. You guys are a multinational organization after all.
Persephone: Actually... You just told us.
Oh, crap.
Friday: Forgive us. But we learned you might try to steal Coco LaBouche’s heart after our hacker found your website. The request that was made.
Oracle: By your hacker, you’re talking about Safeword.
Friday: So you know her?
We’ve crossed codes before. Along with a few others.
Still, what do you want to talk to us about? Are you here to arrest us? Or help us?
Friday: Believe it or not, it’s the latter. We know we can’t actually take down Ms. LaBouche and the Ministry of Lust. They already learned too well from when we dealt with the Ministry of Pride back in South Korea. And since they deal with white collar crimes, they can’t actually be charged with anything... Unless Ms. Labouche confesses to it. But that’s where you come in.
Joker: What can you do for us? I doubt you know how we change people’s hearts.
Persephone: Do we now?
>Suddenly, in a flash of light, we were somewhere else.
Joker: (overwhelmed) Th- This is...
???????: It sure seems that way.
Mitsuru san?
Yes, I am here, too. When they found out you might be targeting someone from L.E.G.I.O.N., I thought I might be needed. And it looks like I was right.
Joker: So does this mean M.A.Y.H.E.M. now knows about Personas and Shadows?
Mitsuru: No, but I will explain it to them now.
>After explaining for about an hour, I think they and pretty much any agent who heard us over their com links got the gist of it.
Whoa! That’s quite the story.
Friday: Yes. To know that there’s a world made from human cognition, and you can summon the power of your hearts to create a being to fight? It just takes my breath away.
Panther: I know. I couldn’t believe it either the first time. But after seeing it and gaining my Persona, I’m kind of use to it now.
Friday: So you’ll be using this place to change LaBouche’s heart?
Joker: That’s how we usually do it. And we better do it or there’s a family that’s going to suffer. After learning more about Coco LaBouche, I think we can get a grasp on the keywords to enter her Palace. She thinks she still deserves to become CEO of a Japanese corporation. Maybe... A feudal lord’s home.
Nav: Candidate found.
Mona: Now we have the who and the what. We just need the where.
Persephone: I think I know.
Joker: What is it?
Persephone: As a wedding present and to honor the creation of the Ministry of Lust, the Morningstar gave Coco... her own A.R.K.
Joker: Let’s try it out.
>I enter the word.
Nav: Results found. Updating guidance system.
It;s a hit. It’s go time!
Friday: Hold on, I know you’ll go to that world to change hearts, but you’re still going up against L.E.G.I.O.N. The least you can do is let us help you. So, we had Gremlin make something for you on the fly.
But because I had to work quickly, they haven’t been tested yet... No time like the present.
>Gremlin shows us what looked M.A.Y.H.E.M. versions of our Phantom Thieves outfits with agency’s colors: black, purple, and white with the agency’s white fleur-de-lis on the backs.
For real!? You made these!?
(on screen) We took the inspiration from your video calling cards. By the way, it’s nice to finally see you face to face, Alibaba.
Likewise, Safeword.
Gremlin: Actually, me, Safeword, Mixer, and Joule were already fans of you guys and already had this idea in mind.
(also on screen) Having a fashion designing mother does come in handy. But the rest, like the engineering and the technology in it, are all me and Gremlin. The measurements? That was left to Safeword and Mixer.
Mixer: And I gotta say, the girls’ measurements are wicked. Especially Takamaki’s.
WHAT!?
Safeword: Relax, he’s kidding. I did the girls’ measurements. I stuck Mixer with the guys’.
Mixer: (a little disappointed) It was a real bummer. Though, I was a bit surprised to find that their asses are... Enough. And your...
>Me and the other guys just blushed and were silent.
(also on screen) We Japanese grow off, not show off. We’ll leave it at that.
Mixer: (intimidated) Whatever you say.
(whisper) Thank you.
>We gain the Thieves of M.A.Y.H.E.M. Costume Set.
Gremlin: I’ll give you a quick run down on the works. Listen up.
Tutorial
The Thieves of M.A.Y.H.E.M. Costumes all have two of the same features: They improve your stealth and they enhance your Persona’s elemental attributes and affinities.
Of course, each suit also has their own individual ability.
Joker’s suit can let him use his Third Eye to get a grasp of a Palace floor’s layout without a map. But you’ll still need to find a map as this ability tends to be inaccurate.
Skull’s suit can enhance his leg muscle so the chances of him landing a critical hit increases and raises his evasion.
Panther’s suit changes her appearance so she can go near enemies without being noticed.
Fox’s suit can create decoys to lure enemies away.
Queen’s suit enhance her physical capabilities. Basically, it’s Attack Master, Defense Master, and Speed Master all at once.
Oracle’s suit grants her the ability, Palace Scan (similar to Mementos Scan). However, she can only use it once per visit.
Noir’s suit empowers her axe so she can bust through walls that hide secrets. It can also enhance her chances of landing a critical hit.
Crow’s suit can let him shoot an enemy from a hiding place for an ambush.
Mona’s suit grants his Persona the Skill, Traesto. This will allow you to escape a dungeon at the cost of 18 SP.
Violet’s suit allows her attacks to inflict Dizzy or Confusion.
Gremlin: There’s something else as well. You know how you guys use infiltration tools and other gadgets like your grappling guns? Well, Mona’s and Oracle’s suits comes with a portable work stations so you can make tools and work on gadgets in the Metaverse.
Joule: But keep in mind the only places you can do those things are in Safe Rooms and Waiting Rooms. But if you want to do it on the field, be sure to have Fox with you.
No arguments from me.
Same here.
Friday: Right, that is all we can provide you.
Mitsuru: The technology in your suits are powered by Papillon Heats. All that’s left to do is wish you all luck.
Joker: Thanks. Now let’s do it!
Phantom Thieves: Yeah!
>Coco LaBouche’s A.R.K. Some cyborg guy called Quartermile drops us off here in what I can only describe as a flying limo.
Buona fortuna, amici miei. Radio us when you’re ready to return.
Queen: Grazie.
Quartermile: Prego, signora.
>With that, he takes off.
Joker: Alright, let’s do this.
Nav: Beginning navigation.
>After the familiar red wave passes, we were now at Japanese fortress with a Reptar theme.
(Insert song: A Woman)
(imagine her and us in M.A.Y.H.E.M. versions of our outfits) I guess she really poured her heart and soul into her old job. I wonder what ever happened to this franchise.
After a lawsuit was filed because Reptar was way too similar to another kaiju, everyone just lost interest. Mr. Yamaguchi tried to bring it back, but he passed away before he could get the chance. And since he never found his successor before then, his company was bought out and just ceased to exist. And that was the end of Reptar.
Well that’s a shame. Sis used to tell me how when she was younger, she and Dad would get treats after she had a big test at school. And some of those treats were Reptar Bars.
Oracle: They have the recipe online. You can just make her some. Especially what with Christmas coming up.
Really? I’ll have to remember that.
Yeah, I might even make some for these heists.
And White Day. You still owe us girls.
>Actually, I’m not even gonna.
Anyways, let’s have a look around and see if we can find a way to establish a route to the Treasure.
>We look around. Look like these suit really do help. We managed to get past some of the Shadows (which all look like samurais and ninjas themed after Reptar) with ease. I used my Third Eye and I managed to find some rooms with treasures. One of which lead to a crazy strong Treasure Demon which almost killed us. Luckily, we got away from it. When we had to face regular Shadows, Skull proved quite good with critical hits and evade the enemies’ attacks. In times where we can’t hide, Panther took on the Shadows’ form and helped us get through. When we reached enemies we can’t fight and can’t be fooled by Panther, Fox sent his decoys to lure them away. Queen’s stats were incredible in battle. When we reached another part of the Palace, Oracle scanned it and we found more treasure chests. And with it, Noir found secrets places. Even one with an Ishi. Also, when it lead us to a Treasure Demon, Noir did a great critical hit. Speaking of more enemies, Crow managed to snipe one for an ambush. And in that battle, Violet inflicted Dizzy and Confusion on them. After awhile, we find a Safe Room.
(signing in exhaustion) Finally, we’re here.
But you have to admit, these suits really are helpful. I want to try out that tool making station.
If only Harry, Blurr, and Overflow can see me now.
Heck, if only Bald Cape could see me.
And maybe Mumen Rider.
Joker: Two more connections?
Crow: Seems like it.
Fox: I wonder if Kanji would be impressed about my decoys. Or Aleksei... Or Jotaro Kujo...
Would Cor be interested as well?
Yusuke, you too?
Fox: I haven’t been entirely honest with you. I’ve been having dreams of them. Just like with Skull and Crow. This has been going on ever since the day you were to return home. On our way back to your home town, you sang that song, Hoshi To Bokura To.
Violet: (puzzled) I don’t remember that.
It happened in the original game.
Queen: Though in the new one, that never happened. But I guess he still sang and we heard him... During that final battle.
Which we will not be talking about to avoid spoilers.
Noir: Anyway, I still can’t believe it was Joker’s singing that made those connections.
Joker: I know. I talked to Lavenza about it and she said, “It took you long enough. I found out on the second day of the Dream Festival. It seems that you have gained a unique new way of creating connections. And now that you are aware of it, you can now control it. You can now sing without the fear of forming connections without your knowledge.”
Queen: Did she say how you gained that power?
Joker: She says it’s most likely because of this.
Mona: The World Arcana?
Crow: Our friend, Yu Narukamai also has the World Arcana, yet his singing doesn’t do what Joker’s does.
Joker: Lavenza says each Wild Card who gains the World gains a new ability unique only to that Wild Card. Yu’s power is to seek out and recall lost bonds, whether they’re his own or another’s. Aigis can feel true empathy, Lavenza’s sister can traverse different world’s, and a previous guest of the Velvet Room can keep disaster at bay.
Crow: I see...
I wonder what power I would get if I obtain the World Arcana? I also have the Wild Card if you have forgotten.
I’m sure we’ll know soon enough.
Mona: Right now, I want to see how this work station works.
>After a while, we managed to make a few Lockpicks and we did some improvements on our grappling guns.
Oracle: We really have to thank Safeword, Joule, and Gremlin for this.
Crow: Let’s not forget Mixer. He also had a hand in this.
Oracle: Okay, we’ll thank him, too. Anyway, it looks like we’re nearing some early point. Shall we get going?
Joker: We will, but first, some Rejuvenating IV.
>After some healing, we went to the point Oracle was talking about.
Panther: What are they?
>Looking down from a balcony, we find robotic Reptars walking around. Then, we hear a voice in a French accent coming from some speakers nearby.
Woman’s voice: What are you waiting for? Get off your posteriors and get the show on the road! We have a revenge plot to carry out! TOUT DE SUITE!
Violet: (sounding hurt) I take it that’s our target.
Oracle: Pretty much.
>Then, a Reptar falls over and breaks apart.
Coco’s voice: How dare you fail on the job! You’re fired! VOUS ÊTES VIRÉ!
>Then, the Reptar explodes in blazing inferno.
Holy shit! When says “fired”, she really means it!
This is terrible. This is no different from my father’s Palace.
>I could tell that Noir was upset.
Joker: I’m sure this time it will be different.
He’s right, just have faith and believe.
Noir: I... I know.
Thank you.
Voice behind us: Hey, you!
>It was a couple of Shadows.
Shadow 1: You’ve been causing too much trouble for the boss.
Shadow 2: I think it’s time we kick you out.
Shadows: Petites souris!
Oracle: Persona!
>Necronomicon scans the Shadows.
REMINDER: THE OFFICIAL STATS FOR CAIT SITH HAVE NOT YET BEEN SHOWN, SO WE’RE JUST GOING TO GO WITH WHAT SKILLS AND WEAKNESSES IT MIGHT HAVE.
Oracle: I’ve got it. It’s weak to Bless Skills. And... Hold on! I’m sensing something else. But I may have to go higher for it. Even higher than Ultimate.
>Oracle goes Third Tier.
Oracle: PERSONA!
>Al Azif scans again. Then, one of the Cait Siths
Oracle: Thought so! That Cait Sith’s a Kyouma. Everyone, be careful. If you attack it, it will attack stronger than ever.
Crow: Don’t worry, we’ll be careful.
Violet: Then let’s do this!
>Crow and Violet both go Third Tier.
Crow and Violet: PERSONA!
Queen: (also going Third Tier) I’m fighting as well. PERSONA!
>I change Personas.
>Cait Sith uses Lucky Punch on me. Luckily, it didn’t knock me down. Kyouma Cait Sith did nothing. Hereward uses Kougaon on Cait Sith. It was knocked down. We don’t attack the Kyouma Cait Sith, but Crow passes the baton to Queen and Agnes uses Marakukaja. Ella uses Sword Dance on the Downed Cait Sith. Agnes uses Freidyne on the Downed Cait Sith. Then, Melchizedek uses Hamaon on Kyouma Cait Sith. It wasn’t an instant kill, but it did drop its HP to 1 with a knock down.
Joker: Let’s do this!
>After the attack, the Kyouma Cait Sith exploded and the other Cait Sith was gone.
WARNING!
>Two more Cait Siths come. Luckily, none of them are Kyouma.
Crow: Not to worry, I can handle this.
Joker: Are you sure?
Crow: I’ll be fine. Here goes... BLACK MASK!
Oracle: Whoa! Crow, your reading are really high!
You haven’t seen anything yet. Now, Hereward!
>Hereward uses Rebel’s Blade on one of the Cait Siths. It is knocked down. Crow passes the baton to me. Melchizedek uses Mahamaon. It missed both of them. Ella tries to use Kougaon on the still standing Cait Sith. But it dodged it. Agnes tries to use Flash Bomb, but it dodged again. Melchizedek uses God’s Hand. It took a huge chunk of the Cait Sith’s health.
Cait Sith 1: (getting back up) We’re not done here. VIVRE MADAME COCO!
>Cait Sith 1 uses Mediarama. Cait Sith 2 uses Trapped Rat on me.
*squeak*
Queen: That can’t be good.
Crow: I’ve got us covered. No mouse is getting eaten in this fight.
>Hereward uses Heat Raiser on Queen. Ella uses Vajra Blast. Cait Sith 2 is knocked down in a critical hit. Violet passes the baton to Queen. Agnes uses Marakukaja. Then, she uses Mediarama. I obviously can’t do anything in mouse form. Cait Sith 1 tries to use Double Fangs on me. Luckily, I dodge it. Cait Sith 2 gets back up and tries to use Trapped Rat on Queen. Luckily, it missed. Hereward uses Brave Blade on Cait Sith 1. Ella uses Kougaon on that same Cait Sith and knocks it down. Violet defends herself. So does Queen. I change back.
Joker: Okay, enough is enough. Let’s finish this. Melchizedek!
>Melchizedek uses God’s Hand on Cait Sith 2. It knocks it down.
Joker: Let’s do it!
>After the attack, the two Cait Sith were still up.
Crow: I still have some time left in Black Mask Mode. Joker, shall we?
Violet: Really? I was hoping me and senpai would finish this.
>>Crow >Violet
Joker: I guess I can have Crow help me.
Crow: Then let’s do this! Bring forth the pain!
>And with that, the battle’s over.
Skull: Man that was tough!
Noir: Either way, I think we have more firm grasp on the kind of person Coco LaBouche is.
Panther: Yeah...
She’s a total bitch.
Queen: No arguments here.
Mona: All this just because she got spurned. We can’t just let her go ding whatever she wants just because she has the power.
Right, we’ll change her heart before she hurts the Finsters and their love for each other.
Phantom Thieves: Yeah!
Mona: Alright, let’s head back for now. We’ve explored all that we can. Zorro, Traesto!
>In a flash, we were back at the entrance. There, we return to the real world.
Queen: Quartermile san, avremo bisogno di un ritiro, per favore.
>Meanwhile, in her A.R.K.’s bridge, Coco could have sworn she felt something pass her. Then, her assistant, Jean-Claude, sees something.
Madame, it appears someone was just on our ship.
It would appear so... Do something about it! For all we know, it could be M.A.Y.H.E.M.! Could any of you be so incompetent!?
?????????: Guess good help is hard to find these days, eh love?
Coco: Ah, my dear husband. How was your trip?
I get the feeling some people in a small nation in Europe won’t be missing their prime minister too much.
Coco: (impressed) Tu es tellement incorrigible, mon amour.
Brimstone: By the way, I just thought I should tell you.
Coco: And what is that?
Brimstone: Well, my sources tell me that... The Phantom Thieves of Hearts has selected you as their next target. I suggest we be careful from this point on. I even got word just now that they’ve teamed up with M.A.Y.H.E.M. to do so.
Coco: I like to see them try. But since M.A.Y.H.E.M. seems to be on their side, I suppose I should be cautious. I refused to let a bunch of masked buffoons get in the way of my revenge. (making a dangerous look) No matter what. (back to a friendly position) Now, about my Christmas gift for L.E.G.I.O.N.
Brimstone: I still can’t believe you’re going to do that. I know he was L.E.G.I.O.N.’s most popular agent, and he was one of the Ministry of Pride’s top lieutenants, but still... I thought the Ministry of Lust did white collar crimes.
Coco: (being flirty) You’d be surprised by what that could do. Just have to know what you’re doing. Trust me... They’ll love it.
>She then takes something out.
>To be continued...
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Chapters: 2/20 Fandom: Critical Role (Web Series) Rating: Not Rated Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death, Rape/Non-Con Relationships: Nott/Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf & Caleb Widogast, Captain Avantika/Fjord (Critical Role), Beauregard/Jester Lavorre, Yasha/Zuala (Critical Role), Yeza Brenatto/Nott Characters: Nott (Critical Role), Caleb Widogast, Mollymauk Tealeaf, Caduceus Clay, Jester Lavorre, Fjord (Critical Role), Yasha (Critical Role), Beauregard (Critical Role), Veth Brenatto, Bren Aldric Ermendrud, Kiri (Critical Role), Yeza Brenatto Additional Tags: Alternate Universe - Vampire, Human/Vampire Relationship, Vampire Hunters, Rape/Non-con Elements, Graphic Description, Murder, Alternate Universe - Serial Killers, Nonbinary Character, Past Rape/Non-con, Past Child Abuse, Best Friends, serial killer best friends, Blood and Gore, Blood Drinking, Implied/Referenced Torture Series: Part 1 of Nott and Caleb shenanigans, Part 2 of A complete collection of Widomauk Summary:
About 100 years ago the supernaturals revealed themselves to be real. 50 years ago humans and supernaturals started living in peace. Well mostly in peace, there is still a lot of crime that happens back and forth. Mollymauk and his best friend and partner Yasha are Zadash homicide detectives, they have just made a home here new to the town. They move into an apartment building owned by a perky woman with bright blue hair named Jester Lavorre. He ends up meeting Private investigators Nott and Yeza Brenatto, Cad the herbalist and Fortuneteller Caleb Widogast. They are all in his opinion oddballs. Then he meets Bryce and their ten-year-old daughter Kiri. He thinks nothing of it until his boss Norda tells him that there are a lot of supernaturals that live in Zadash. While on a case he meets Fjord a demon hunter and Beau a monk. Who revealed to him that his neighbors are all ancient vampires, Specifically serial killers and they are here to help get rid of the problem known as the Mighty Nein. Molly doesn't believe it until he catches his neighbors murdering someone. Caleb calmly explains to him that the men they killed deserved it.
VETH
The nine-year-old girl walked through the woods, it was the quickest way to get to Bren's house. Yeza was supposed to join her but he got sick with the plague.
"Remember Veth, never walk in the woods alone." Her mother's words echoed through her ears. But she didn't listen, she should have listened to her mother. Halfway through the path, she was snatched up by a monster. She screamed when it lifted her up. Screamed when it bit her neck. She tried to fight back but it was too strong for her. The thing smiled at her baring its sharp teeth.
"Should I turn it?" it said
"Let me have a turn. I am hungry too," another voice said "It's food," the other monster reached for Veth. She bit its hand hard enough to draw blood. "Bitch!" it screamed "It bit me!" the thing grabbed her by the hair and dragged her to a pool of water and drowned her. They left her for dead. And she did die. But having bit one of the vampires and having its blood in her system she turned.
That night she woke up again, her throat burned. Everything was too loud. She walked the rest of the way to Bren's house. She needed help. He could help her. She hoped that he could help her. He was smart. She threw rocks at his window till he came downstairs. She could hear his heart racing the blood pumping through his veins.
"Veth," he said, "What happened to you?"
"I was attacked," she cried "I am not. I am not alive. I don't know what happened to me, I am not," she sobbed.
"Veth it's gonna be okay I am going to get my mother," he went back inside and got his mom. Bren's family are witches, they live outside of the village. They had no coven because they had been kicked out of their old one. Veth had never asked why all Bren had said was that it was because of him. Veth and Yeza are Bren's only two friends. Uma kneels down in front of Veth. She lays her hands on her son's best friend.
"Veth," she says quietly. "I am so sorry," she says
"What happened to me? Am I going to die?"
"I am afraid you already have died," she explains "You were attacked by vampires," she said "You have a choice to make,"
"What choice is that?" Veth asked
"You can choose to feed. Or if you don't feed then you will die,"
"but I don't want to kill anyone," Veth said
"You don't have too, just a cup of human blood and you will be fine,"
"I don't want you to die," Bren said "You are my best friend,"
"We will protect you if you choose to feed," Uma said
"Ok," she said "I will go it. How exactly do I do it?" Veth asked
"I will be right back," she said leaving she came back with one of her bowls and a knife.
"Let me do it mother," Bren said
"Are you sure Bren?" Uma said
"Yes, She is my friend," he took the knife and cut his palm letting his blood drip into the bowl. Veth's mouth watered. Uma handed the bowl to Veth, while Veth drank from it Uma wrapped Bren's hand in a cloth.
YEZA
Yeza is also nine years old when he is turned. Veth turns him to save his life, she askes him before. He joins her and the Ermendrud family. He and Veth hunt animals in the woods, they stay away from humans. They help their new family, bring them food in the cold winters. Mentally they age, physically they stay the same. Nine-year-olds forever. They watch Bren grow their friendship strengthens as the years pass by. When they are fourteen or would be fourteen they get married. Yeza has always loved Veth. And Veth loves her back. Leofric Ermendrud marries them, he is happy to do it. Glad to see that they are happy even if they will never age, or grow old together. Bren is happy too, he wants his friends to be happy. And when they tell him he just smiles and says
"Well, it's about time,"
JESTER
Jester comes to them when Bren is 16 years old. The young girl herself is sixteen, while out gathering herbs for his mother, he, Veth, and Yeza find her. She is badly injured they take her home. Uma Ermendrud tried to heal her but the wounds are too deep. Veth sits with her in the middle of the night she stirs.
"Hello," Veth says
"Hi. Am I dying?"
"Yes, but you do not have to be. I am a vampire. If you want I can turn you,"
"If I say yes I won't die?"
"Well, you won't stay dead"
"Okay then yes," she says. Veth turns her and they have another addition to their family. People in the village start to get suspicious of the Ermendruds. But since they do not cause trouble they leave them alone for now. Jester becomes quick friends with Veth, Bren, and Yeza. She learns from the two how to not kill humans, and how to kill the animals they feed on. Since they only need the blood the animals they hunt they bring back for their human family. They do not let any part of the animal go to waste.
BREN
Bren is nineteen years old when his parents are murdered, an outsider comes to the village a man named Trent Ikithon. He gets the villagers riled up and they go to Bren's home. The three vampires are more than willing to help defend their family. Uma says no that it's not necessary, she tells them they can't attack the village. It will only make it worse. Bren tells them to run, that they will catch up with them shortly. Veth, Yeza, and Jester reluctantly leave them behind. A decision they later regret. Bren's parents are burned along with their house. Ikithon spares Bren. He says it is because he is not a witch. Not like his mother or father had been. Ikithon is also a vampire, he's been around for a long time. It's clear in his eyes. He takes Bren as his slave. When Bren does not meet up with Veth and the others they go back to the burned remains of the house. Veth cries while Yeza holds her in his arms. Jester looks through the remains. She only finds two bodies, she comes back to her friends and looks at them.
"I think Bren is still alive," she says
"Then we will have to go and find him," Veth says
"Agreed," Yeza says.
Bren spends fourteen years as Ikithon's blood whore. He is not the Ikithon's only blood slave either, but he is Ikithon's favorite. There are a few others, the only other two he connects with are Astrid and Eodwulf. They are like him, they come from witch families but do not have magic. It's under Ikithon Bren learns what he and the other two are. A special type of witch, that does not have their own magic, they draw it from other things.
Bren is thirty-three years old when he dies. It took fourteen years for his friends to track him down but they find him. They come just in time to watch Ikithon slits Bren's throat. Veth had a choice to make go after Ikithon or save Bren. She chooses Bren. Veth runs over to him, she doesn't know if he wants to be turned or not. She knows she should ask. But she doesn't as she feeds him her blood. She hopes she is not too late to save him. They all wait, Bren wakes up. The fatal wound to his throat is healed save for the scar left behind from the blade. Jester gets ahold of some human blood for him. So he does not kill anyone by accident. He feels the magic buzz at his fingertips. Bren is unsure of what is happening. It takes him a moment to realize what it is. Like Ikithon had told him and the others who were kept as slaves here, he was a siphoner. Vampires were magic, and now that he was one he could use that magic.
The four friends free the slaves that Ikithon left behind, they all make the decision to help people. They travel around killing bad people. They also search for Ikithon. But he is nowhere to be found.
BRYCE
Bryce twenty when they first meet the odd little family. They themselves are considered odd by the village they live in. They decide to talk to the strange little girl and boy, the strange girl with violet eyes and the strange man with a scar across his throat. They learn that this group is vampires. They asked if they can become one and join them. The oldest one says its forever, and that they will never be able to come back to their home. Bryce says that it's okay. Veth the little girl is the one to change him. She is the oldest vampire out of all of them, but she doesn't look the oldest. Which confuses Bryce until they hear the stories. They ask if they can join their quest to stop bad people from hurting the innocent.
CADUCEUS
Its been 100 years since the group of vampires the Mighty Nein as they call themselves an inside joke. They meet Cad while they are resting at a nearby village. Cad is a demon, though he is pretty harmless and mostly just likes to work in his garden and make tea. He gladly agreed to join them. It's when they meet Cad that Veth and Bren change their names. Veth feels her name no longer fits her. She settles on the name Nott. It's a joke. Nott, the brave. Bren chooses the name Caleb Widogast. He feels that it fits him better and he can leave behind what happened to his parents. What happened to him. He doesn't talk about it and his family doesn't ask. They've seen the scars he has. Nott is the only one who really knows what happened. He told her, and she understands his hatred towards the vampires who take advantage of humans and turn them into "blood whores"
KIRI
Kiri is ten when they find her. Her parents were killed by a monster. The Mighty Nein rescued her. Kiri is a fae, she sticks to Jester for the first few days, then Nott, then Yeza, then Caleb, Cad and finally Bryce. She sticks with Bryce the most. Because she is fae she doesn't age much. She can't talk like them. She just mimics words and she has no voice of her own. At first, it's creepy but then again their little band of misfits is creepy already. Their group is composed of five vampires, a demon, and a fae child.
#caleb widogast#beauregard#mollymauk tealeaf#nott the brave#veth brenatto#yeza brenatto#kiri#caduceus clay#bryce#the mighty nein
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I’m not so big on fortune telling, but what are your thoughts towards the fortune telling bone with the crack that foretells death? Do you think “fate” can still be changed the same way Inkarmats fortune telling was proved wrong countless times?
Hum...
I’m actually pretty confuse about that one so what follows are just my speculations. Take them with a huge grain of salt.
First of all I don’t believe in fortunetelling although I find it very fun but I think what really matter isn’t my belief but if the story wants us to believe in it. In short the real question is: does fortunetelling work in Golden Kamuy?
Inkarmat showed us how her fortunetelling was often strongly affected by how she collected info beforehand so what looked like her magically figuring out things was actually her having info on you without you knowing (the most obvious example is how she knew about Tanigaki’s sister because Tsurumi told her... but also she knew about Kiro betraying Asirpa always because Tsurumi set her on him).
When she tries to guess if Nopperabo is in Abashiri the results she gets are opposing. The story let up to us decide if this is due to them being completely random or due to actually existing two Nopperabo... though, if that’s the case, I would argue Inkarmat’s result should have always had a 50-50 percentage. Instead for the longest time the answer was ‘no’ but then she started getting ‘yes’ more often.
The situation with Nopperabo was always the same, Wilk was imprisoned and Inudo had a double posing for him. If the oracle was meant to be truthful it should have constantly said yes-no, yes-no as to imply there were two nopperabo, not no-no-no-no-no-yes-no-no-no-no-yes-no-no-no-yes-yes- and so on until the ‘yes’ got even with the ‘no’.
So was the bone breaking thing accurate fortunetelling or not?
First of all let’s go with a premise.
This fortunetelling thing can go three ways.
A) It’s actually a trick, the Orok can influence the result by having the bone crack the way they want to (don’t ask me how)
B) It’s absolutely random and if the result really fits with what’s going on is coincidence
C) It’s truthful because gods are really using it to tell people something
So let’s consider these three possibilities.
As the Russian border guards were actively pursuing them since they started shooting at them at sight, it was easy enough for the Orok to assume that Kiro’s group was chased, even if they didn’t know who Kiro truly was.
In fact the Orok might have thought the Russian government wouldn’t give up on Kiro’s group so easily. By having the bone predict Kiro and Co were being chased they were stating something that felt pretty obvious and that could also help the Orok themselves as Kiro and Co would feel pressured to leave their group, to escape from whoever was chasing them.
(Notice also Asirpa’s completely disinterested face as it’s well known Asirpa doesn’t believe in fortunetelling.)
Notice also how the whole fandom instead assumed it was Sugimoto who was chasing them because we know he’s chasing them.
Fortunetelling that aims to scam others is often vague because who receives it will subconsciously fill the missing info so that it will fit him.
Of course it’s also entirely possible the whole thing is random and only by coincidence it fits with the situation or that it’s a message from the Gods. Hard to say.
What however about the bone cracking further?
Nobody is there to see the bone cracking so it’s unlikely the Orok has rigged a result they had no idea they would give (unless they were to think Kiro would need an extra push to leave their group... but they just don’t seem that sort of people).
So what? It’s the Gods talking? It’s random?
Well, I think it’s important to look at something else before tackling this bone.
No one tells us what that ‘cracking further’ means. We interpret it as ‘someone will die’ because we connect it with this.
However it’s not exactly the same because the bone is now a mix of this sign and the sign of ‘someone is following you’.
Does it means both? Does it means who’s following you will kill someone of your group? Does it means who’s following you will die? Or that someone who’s following you will save you from death?
We don’t know and, in fact, for a while the fans have slammed their head against a wall trying to figure out who would die.
We’re interpreting the bone as ‘someone is going to die’ but that’s just us dealing with a vague fortunetelling by interpreting it with the info we know (it could mean someone will die, Sugimoto’s group is set on killing Kiro and Ogata, someone can get caught in the crossfire) but the truth is we’ve no idea.
No one knowledgeable in this sort of bone divination confirms this meaning for us and this divination is never relied to anyone.
But let’s set this aside for a moment. Can it be a message from the Gods or it’s random?
If it’s a message from the Gods to someone in the cast, the Gods should have sent it in such a way someone could receive it. That’s why for a long while I speculated Sugimoto’s group would reach the Orok and be told about it... but this never happened. They don’t know about it.
If it’s a message from the Gods, the Gods has screwed up big time as their message was never received. Or not?
I found interesting how that message was shown in this scene.
We all thought for a moment Shiraishi was done for. His good luck charm broke, the nefastous sign appeared when he moved to follow the group and now he’s about to fall into frozen waters.
The reminder of the bone crack seemed to point out we were about to see Shiraishi’s demise... only no, that’s not the case.
Has fate been changed? A fate no one except us readers knew about?
Does this means someone else will die in place of Shiraishi? Kiroranke who has just being stabbed?
Tanigaki who might have a concussion or some severe brain damage due to the ice block that was broken on his head?
Ogata who’s about to meet up with Sugimoto? Or it’s just us subjectively interpreting the whole bone thing?
Do your pick.
Honestly I don’t believe that there’s a ‘fate that could be changed’.
In order for the existence of a ‘fate that could be changed’characters should be aware of it and fight it otherwise they aren’t changing fate, they’re just naturally following it. They aren’t trying something different, they’re doing what they would normally do.
When Tanigaki saved Inkarmat he wasn’t changing fate. That was what Tanigaki was meant to do from the beginning, because of course Tanigaki, being Tanigaki, would try to save the woman he loved. It’s Inkarmat who interprets it as him changing her fate.
In fact the moral with Inkarmat was that she shouldn’t blindly submit to her own foretelling but live and fight to get the result she wants.
Although it was obvious that Tanigaki would have saved her, Inkarmat had already resigned to an unlucky prediction. If she’d been alone and should have counted on her strenght alone to get herself out of that pinch, she wouldn’t have because she had surrendered (and, in this case, she was unconscious also but this is a talk for another time).
In the present case though there’s nobody apart us readers who knows about the death prediction. The characters can’t change or affect fate because they’re bound to act the way they would naturally act.
In short I see the bone thing as just Noda playing with us. We’re giving meanings to it, shifting it’s interpretation around and hoping for it to be changed or not.
The plot is already decided, therefore the fate of the characters is already decided and there’ no way for us to change ‘fate/plot’.
If we’ve to take the bone as a truthful message from God (Noda) to us reader then it’s likely the ‘someone will die’ meaning is correct and that someone will die for real. It’s decided (and, unless he’s going to receive serious medical aid soon, Kiro will be that someone... no idea if there can be more ‘someone’ though).
However it can be Noda is just letting us have fun trying to interpret the bone crack thing and we’re just meant to enjoy the ride and the spikes of tension and fear someone will die or that someone will change fate as if we were in a roller coaster. We can’t really tell, we’ll discover it along the way.
Thanks for the ask!
#Golden Kamuy#Inkarmat#Tanigaki Genjirou#Shiraishi Yoshitake#Kiroranke#Ogata Hyakunosuke#Asirpa#Sugimoto Saichi#Ask#Other people's posts#Nyankoos
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NappainAnotherDimension’s Verses {For Mobile Users}
Hell Verse
Open Starter
Tag: #Wearing a Halo but ain't no Angel (Hell verse canon)
Setting: After his death in Dragonball Z's Saiyan Saga, in Hell based on what is shown in the series that is influenced by Japanese and Chinese folklore.
Nappa's Motivation: To explore Hell, look for opponents to fight, get stronger, or learn how to get out of Hell. Will settle for good company though.
Intended Audience: Muses who can visit Hell, will eventually go there for one reason or another, or anyone who wants to interact with the ghost of Nappa.
Space Escapades Verse
Tag: #Fond Memories of Past Exploits (Space Escapades verse Canon)
Setting: Before the Saiyan Saga in Dragonball Z, and after the destruction of Planet Vegeta. Sometimes I may also specify that this is after their successful takeover of Shikk, when Nappa got so mad at Frieza he charged at him with aggressive intent. Where it takes place can be anywhere in space. Be it within his own galaxy or in the galaxy of another muse.
Nappa's Motivation: Nappa is still loyal to serving Vegeta, and is still a mid-level soldier in Frieza’s Planet Trade Organization. Which means he’s still assigned to purge planets in his galaxy. So he’ll still be pretty aggressive. If this is after the mission on Shikk, then Nappa could be taking some unofficial vacation time, and be less hostile towards other planets and people.
Intended Audience: Muses who are from other sci-fi series or play alien characters.
What If Nappa Lived Verse
Canon Divergent AU
Tag: #If Things Were Different (What if Nappa Lived verse Canon)
Setting: Set anytime after the Saiyan saga, but is typically after the events on Namek. Usually on the planet Earth, but can also be on other planets and in space in his own galaxy or in the galaxy of another muse.
Nappa's Motivation: After the events on Namek, Nappa now lives on Earth and is an ally of the main characters of Dragonball Z. This is perhaps the most canon-divergent of the verses in terms of Nappa’s character. He no longer feels as destructive as he used to be, and he’s much calmer than before. When he does feel bored, he will venture out into space with a Capsule Corp. ship made for him.
Intended Audience: Canon and OC muses who wouldn’t otherwise get to interact with him because of his death in the Saiyan saga. Also works well with any humans or other muses who stay on Earth. Of course this can also still work for other sci-fi and alien muses who would rather interact with Nappa after he’s moved on from his life in the Planet Trade Organization.
WINL Verse Space Escapades
Sub-verse for If Nappa Lived verse
Tag: #Livin' the Dream (WINL Space Escapades)
Setting: This is a verse within the What if Nappa Lived verse. Set anytime after the Namek saga, or after the Cell Saga. Usually Nappa is traveling out into space visiting distant planets from Earth.
Nappa's Motivation: When Nappa is restless on Earth and there’s no big bad to fight, he likes to go out into space. Depending on what time a thread takes place in the DBZ timeline will dictate how “good” Nappa is. After the Namek Saga, he still has a mean streak going on, but after the Cell Saga, he’s mostly "good."
Intended Audience: Muses who are from other sci-fi series or play alien characters who want to interact. Also good for fellow DBZ canon and OC muses who want a thread with a sci-fi setting.
Xenoverse 2 Mentor Verse
A Time For Change Intro
Directly tied to the Hell verse
Tag: #A Saiyan Outta Time (Conton City Verse)
Setting: Conton City and wherever else the Time Patrollers are allowed to go for training.
Nappa's Motivation: Nappa’s taken out of the original timeline and Hell to be available as a mentor for Time Patrollers. So his motivation is to help other characters to continue living in Conton City. This verse is my take on a redemption arc for Nappa that picks up from DBZ canon.
Intended Audience: For Xenoverse 1 and 2's cast and for the many OCs created for this setting.
FighterZ Verse
More Info Post
Directly tied to the Hell verse
Tag: #Out of the Hellfire and Into The Baking Pan (FighterZ verse Canon)
Setting: On Earth set after the events of Dragonball Z and after the Universe 6 Saga of Dragonball Super.
Nappa's Motivation: Nappa is going to be a Super Salty Saiyan™ because of what happened to him in the Saiyan saga. He may be begrudgingly working for Frieza and be an ally with the Z warriors, but what he really wants is to finally have his revenge against Vegeta. That is his end goal unless a redemption arc is being worked on in the thread. He may also be willing to work together with Android 21 if the alliance seems beneficial.
Intended Audience: Open to muses who are featured in the game and who would be on Earth at the time of this game’s story arc. This includes Player Soul muses. If you have an OC, Dragonball canon muse who wasn’t involved in this game’s story, or a muse from another fandom etc. talk with me before sending a starter and we can discuss an AU for your muse to make sense of why they’re there.
Legends Verse
This verse follows Dragonball Super continuity
Tag: #Cultivating Another Legend (Legends Verse Canon)
Setting: Takes place during the Tournament of Time, which is after the Tournament of Power in Dragonball Super. However, this version of Nappa was taken out of his time before Raditz came to Earth in Dragonball Z. Nappa’s Motivation: While he and Vegeta are working together during the Tournament of Time, Lord Beerus commands Vegeta to train Shallot, Zahha, and Gohan so they could defeat Raditz. After becoming impressed by Shallot through a misunderstanding of his words, Nappa happily decides to train and mentor them all with a particular fondness for Shallot for what he perceived as him admiring how powerful he was. (I still need to finish watching more of Alejandro Saab’s playthrough of the game, so I’ll fill in more details as I become more familiar with what happens after)
Intended Audience: Open to muses who are featured in the game and any OCs who might also be taking part in the Tournament of Time.
Baba's Champion Verse
Directly tied to the Hell & Xenoverse 2 verses
Tag: #Brought Back by Fortuneteller Baba! (Baba's Champion verse)
Setting: On Earth either at Baba's palace our out exploring Earth if nobody's around.
Nappa's Motivation: He is resurrected for a day to fight as one of her champions. So his job is to fight anyone who wants a free fortune reading from Baba after they defeat the other four champions she has lined up for challengers. He may also get bored and explore Earth on his own.
Intended Audience: A fairly niche verse made to interact with DBZ canon muses who Nappa still has unfinished business with. Open to other muses who would be on Earth and might want to get a free reading from Fortuneteller Baba.
Planet Vegeta AU
Canon divergent AU
More Info Post coming soon
Warning: Heavy with Saiyan Politics
Tag: #Home Sweet Home (Planet Vegeta AU)
Setting: Any point after the Saiyan-Tuffle War on Planet Vegeta (formerly known as Planet Plant) in an alternate universe where Frieza never destroyed the planet, and the Saiyans successfully found a way to overthrow his rule over them. The Planet Trade Organization’s technology, armor, etc have remained in their use and is part of their cultural identity.
Nappa's Motivation: Without the Arcosians ruling over them, the Saiyans pretty much continue to plunder and purge other planets to benefit their own empire. They also form alliances with other planets, trading goods with them and/or send their warriors to settle their wars for them. Nappa serves King Vegeta as the top General of the Saiyan Army, and is the bodyguard and partner to the prince, Vegeta. He has lovers and children in this AU. Nappa has even more accomplishments to add to his laurels in this AU, and has a stronger sense of honor about his actions since everything he does benefits his family and his people. Therefore, he has a more commanding presence, is militantly serious, and straight-laced. Nappa still has a kinder disposition towards Saiyans compared to other species of aliens. Unless those Saiyans are traitors, or disrespectful towards him and the royal family.
Intended Audience: Muses who are Saiyan characters (canon or OCs) who would like to participate in this AU. Also any sci-fi muses who might like to deal with the Saiyans as a political power that is either a threat or ally to their own planet and people. Keep in mind Nappa’s much more political-minded in this verse than he is in others.
Tenchi Muyo! Verse
Sub-verse to Space Escapades verses
Crossover for Tenchi Muyo! muses
More information post coming soon
Tag: #Leaving All but the Future Far Behind (Tenchi Muyo! verse Canon)
Setting: Set within the side of Space where Jurai rules and the Galaxy Police enforces the various laws of their galaxy.
Nappa's Motivation: After being insulted by Frieza for taking 3 days to conquer Shikk, Nappa decides to go AWOL when he realizes he lost his desire to kill and destroy for the tyrant he and his comrades work for. Upon being accosted by Galaxy Police Detective Mihoshi Kuramitsu, he decides to play along with getting arrested. After helping her solve a cold case, Nappa comes to Earth with Mihoshi to meet the Masaki family. (Though really it's just to keep an eye on a dangerous visitor.)
Intended Audience: A niche crossover for Tenchi Muyo! canon muses to interact with Nappa since I roleplay with a few of them in a connected narrative since we all know each other through our mutual love for the series. Also open to other muses who are from any of the Tenchi series.
Star Wars Verse
Sub-verse to Space Escapades verse
Crossover for Star Wars muses
Tag: #Visiting a Galaxy Far Far Away (Star Wars AU canon verse)
Setting: Takes place before the events of Saiyan Saga. Either in the Star Wars or DBZ setting. Depends on the partner and the plot of the thread.
Nappa's Motivation: Nappa is still a soldier from the Planet Trade Organization and will take on jobs for anyone Frieza is working with.
Intended Audience: A niche crossover for the occasional Star Wars canon or OC character.
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Excerpts from the Notebooks of Lazarus Long
Stolen from: Time Enough For Love by Robert A. Heinlein
Always store beer in a dark place.
By the data to date, there is only one animal in the Galaxy dangerous to man – man himself. So he must supply his own indispensable competition. He has no enemy to help him.
Men are more sentimental than women. It blurs their thinking.
Certainly the game is rigged. Don’t let that stop you; if you don’t bet, you can’t win.
Any priest or shaman must be presumed guilty until proved innocent.
Always listen to experts. They’ll tell you what can’t be done, and why. Then do it.
Get a shot off fast. This upsets him long enough to let you make your second shot perfect.
There is no conclusive evidence of life after death. But there is no evidence of any sort against it. Soon enough you will know. So why fret about it?
If it can’t be expressed in figures, it is not science; it is opinion.
It has been long known that one horse can run faster than another–but which one? Differences are crucial.
A fake fortuneteller can be tolerated. But an authentic soothsayer should be shot on sight. Cassandra did not get half the kicking around she deserved.
Delusions are often functional. A mother’s opinions about her children’s beauty, intelligence, goodness, et cetera ad nauseam, keep her from drowning them at birth.
Most “scientists” are bottle washers and button sorters.
A “pacifist male” is a contradiction in terms. Most self- described “pacifists” are not pacific; they simply assume false colors. When the wind changes, they hoist the Jolly Roger.
Nursing does not diminish the beauty of a woman’s breasts; it enhances their charm by making them looked lived in and happy.
A generation which ignores history has no past–and no future.
A poet who reads his verse in public may have other nasty habits.
What a wonderful world it is that has girls in it!
Small change can often be found under seat cushions.
History does not record anywhere at any time a religion that has any rational basis. Religion is a crutch for people not strong enough to stand up to the unknown without help. But, like dandruff, most people do have a religion and spend time and money on it and seem to derive considerable pleasure from fiddling with it.
It’s amazing how much “mature wisdom” resembles being too tired.
If you don’t like yourself, you can’t like other people.
Your enemy is never a villain in his own eyes. Keep this in mind; it may offer a way to make him your friend. If not, you can kill him without hate–and quickly.
A motion to adjourn is always in order.
No state has an inherent right to survive through conscript troops and, in the long run, no state ever has. Roman matrons used to say to their sons: “Come back with your shield, or on it.” Later on, this custom declined. So did Rome.
Of all the strange “crimes” that human beings have legislated out of nothing, “blasphemy” is the most amazing – with “obscenity” and “indecent exposure” fighting it out for second and third place.
Cheops Law: Nothing ever gets built on schedule or within budget.
It is better to copulate than never.
All societies are based on rules to protect pregnant women and young children. All else is surplusage, excrescence, adornment, luxury, or folly which can–and must–be dumped in emergency to preserve this prime function. As racial survival is the only universal morality, no other basic is possible. Attempts to formulate a “perfect society” on any foundation other than “Women and children first!” is not only witless it is automatically genocidal. Nevertheless, starry-eyed idealists (all of them male) have tried endlessly–and no doubt will keep on trying.
All men are created unequal.
Money is a powerful aphrodisiac. But flowers work almost as well.
A brute kills for pleasure. A fool kills from hate.
There is only one way to console a widow. But remember the risk.
When the need arises–and it does–you must be able to shoot your own dog. Don’t farm it out–that doesn’t make it nicer; it makes it worse.
Everything in excess! To enjoy the flavor of life, take big bites. Moderation is for monks.
It may be better to be a live jackal than a dead lion, but it is better still to be a live lion. And usually easier.
One man’s theology is another man’s belly laugh.
Sex should be friendly. Otherwise stick to mechanical toys; it’s more sanitary.
Men rarely(if ever) manage to dream up a god superior to themselves. Most gods have the manners and morals of a spoiled child.
Never appeal to a man’s “better nature.” He may not have one. Invoking self-interest gives you more leverage.
Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.
You can have peace. Or you can have freedom. Don’t ever count on having both at once.
Avoid making irrevocable decisions while tired or hungry. N.B.: Circumstances can force your hand. So think ahead!
Place your clothes and weapons where you can find them in the dark.
An elephant: A mouse built to government specifications.
Throughout history, poverty is the normal condition of man. Advances which permit this norm to be exceeded–here and there, now and then– are the work of an extremely small minority, frequently despised, often condemned, and almost always opposed by all right thinking people. Whenever this tiny minority is kept from creating, or (as sometimes happens) is driven out of a society, the people then slip back into abject poverty. This is known as “bad luck.”
In a mature society, “civil servant” is semantically equal to “civil master.”
When a place gets crowded enough to required ID’s, social collapse is not far away. It is time to go elsewhere. The best thing about space travel is that it made it possible to go elsewhere.
A woman is not property, and husbands who think otherwise are living in a dreamworld.
The second best thing about space travel is that the distances involved make war a very difficult, usually impractical, and almost always unnecessary. This is probably a loss for most people, since war is our race’s most popular diversion, one which gives purpose and color to dull and stupid lives. But it is a great boon to the intelligent man who fights only when he must–never for sport.
A zygote is a gamete’s way of producing more gametes. This may be the purpose of the universe.
There are hidden contradictions in the minds of people who “love Nature” while deploring the “artificialities” with which “Man has spoiled ‘Nature.’” The obvious contradiction lies in their choice of words, which imply that man and his artifacts are not part of “Nature”–but beavers and their dams are. But the contradictions go deeper than this prima-facie absurdity. In declaring his love for a beaver dam (erected by beavers for beavers’ purposes) and his hatred for dams erected by men (for the purpose of men) the “Naturist” reveals his hatred of his own race –i.e. his own self-hatred. In the case of “Naturists” such self-hatred is understandable; they are such a sorry lot. But hatred is too strong an emotion to feel toward them; pity and contempt are the most they rate. As for me, willy-nilly I am a man, not a beaver, and H. sapiens is the only race I have or can have. Fortunately for me I like being part of a race made of men women –it strikes me as a fine arrangement and perfectly “natural.” Believe it or not, there were “Naturists” who opposed the first flight to old Earth’s Moon as being “unnatural” and a “despoiling of Nature.”
“No man is an island–” Much as we may feel and act as individuals, our race is a single organism, always growing and branching– which must be pruned regularly to be healthy. This necessity need not be argued; anyone with eyes can see that any organism which grows without limit always dies in its own poisons. The only rational question is whether pruning is best done before or after birth. Being an incurable sentimentalist I favor the former of these methods – killing makes me queasy, even when it’s a case of “He’s dead and I’m alive and that’s the way I wanted it to be.” But this may be a mater of taste. Some shaman think that it is better to be in a war, or to die in childbirth, or to starve in misery, than never to have lived at all. They may be right. But I don’t have to like it – and I don’t.
Democracy is based on the assumption that a million men are wiser than one man. How’s that again? I missed something.
Autocracy is based on the assumption that one man is wiser than a million men. Let’s play that over again too. Who decides?
Any government will work if authority and responsibility are equal and coordinate. This does not insure “good” government; it simply insures that it will work. But such governments are rare – most people want to run things but want no part of the blame. This used to be called the “backseat-driver syndrome.”
What are the facts? Again and again and again – what are the facts? Shun wishful thinking, ignore divine revelation, forget what the “the stars foretell,” avoid opinion, care not what the neighbors think, never mind the unguessable “verdict of history” – what are the facts, and to how many decimal places? You pilot always into an unknown future; facts are your single clue. Get the facts!
Stupidity cannot be cured with money, or through education, or by legislation. Stupidity is not a sin, the victim can’t help being stupid. But stupidity is the only universal capital crime; the sentence is death, there is no appeal, and execution is carried out automatically and without pity.
God is omnipotent, omniscient, and omnibenevolent – it says so right here on the label. If you have a mind capable of believing all three of these diving attributes simultaneously, I have a wonderful bargain for you. No checks, please. Cash and in small bills.
Courage is the complement of fear. A man who is fearless cannot be courageous. (He is also a fool.)
The two highest achievements of the human mind are the twin concepts of “loyalty” and “duty.” Whenever these twin concepts fall into disrepute– get out of there fast! You may possibly save yourself, but it is too late to save that society. It is doomed.
People who go broke in a big way never miss any meals. It is the poor jerk who is shy by half a slug who must tighten his belt.
The truth of a proposition has nothing to do with its credibility. And vice versa.
Anyone who cannot cope with mathematics is not fully human. At best he is a tolerable subhuman who has learned to wear shoes, bathes, and not make messes in the house.
Moving parts in rubbing contact require lubrication to avoid excessive wear. Honorifics and formal politeness provide lubrication where people rub together. Often the very young, the untraveled, the naive, the unsophisticated deplore these formalities as “empty,” “meaningless,” or “dishonest.” and scorn to use them. No matter how “pure” their motives, they thereby throw sand into machinery that does not work too well at best.
A human being should be able to change a diaper, plan an invasion, butcher a hog, conn a ship, design a building, write a sonnet, balance accounts, built a wall, set a bon, comfort the dying, take orders, give orders, cooperate, act alone, solve equations, analyze a new problem, pitch manure, program a computer, cook a tasty meal, fight efficiently, die gallantly. Specialization is for insects.
The more you love, the more you can love – the more intensely you love. Nor is there any limit on how many you can love. If a person had time enough, he could love all of that majority who are decent and just.
Masturbation is cheap, clean, convient, and free of any possibility of wrongdoing–and you don’t have to go home in the cold. But it’s lonely.
Beware of altruism. It is based on self-deception, the root of all evil.
If tempted by something that feels “altruistic,” examine your motives and root out that self-deception. Then if you still want to do it, wallow in it!
The most preposterous notion that H. sapiens has ever dreamed up is that the Lord God of Creation, Shaper and Ruler of all the Universes, wants the saccharine adoration of His creatures, can be swayed by their prayers, and becomes petulant if He does not receive this flattery. Yet this absurd fantasy, without a shred of evidence to bolster it, pays all the expense of the oldest, largest, and least productive industry in all history.
The second most preposterous notion is that copulation is inherently sinful.
Writing is not necessarily something to be ashamed of – but do it in private and was your hands afterwards.
$100 placed at 7 percent interest compounded quarterly for 200 years will increase to more that $100,000,000 – by which time it will be worth nothing.
Dear, don’t bore him with trivia or burden him with your past mistakes. The happiest way to deal with a man is never to tell him anything he does not need to know.
Darling, a true lady takes off her dignity with her clothes and does her whorish best. At other times you can be as modest and dignified as your person requires.
Everybody lies about sex.
If men were the automatons that behaviorists claim they are, the behaviorist psychologists could not have invented the amazing nonsense called “behaviorist psychology.” So they are wrong from scratch – as clever and as wrong as phlogiston chemists.
The shamans are forever yacking about their snake-oil “miracles.” I prefer the Real McCoy – a pregnant woman.
If the universe has any purpose more important than topping a woman you love and making a baby with her hearty help, I’ve never heard of it.
Thou shalt remember the Eleventh Commandment and keep it Wholly.
A touchstone to determing the actual worth of an “intellectual” – find out how he feels about astrology.
Taxes are not levied for the benefit of the taxed.
There is no such thing as “social gambling.” Either you are there to cut the other bloke’s heart out and eat it – or you’re a sucker. If you don’t like this choice – don’t gamble.
When the ship lifts, all bills are paid. No regrets.
The first time I was a drill instructor I was too inexperienced for the job – the things I taught those lads must have got some of them killed. War is too serious a matter to be taught by the inexperienced.
A competent and self-confident person is incapable of jealous in anything. Jealousy is invariably a symptom of neurotic insecurity.
Money is the sincerest of all flatter. Women love to be flattered. So do men.
You live and learn. Or you don’t live long.
Whenever women have insisted on absolute equality with men, they have invariably wound up with the dirty end of the stick. What they are and what they can do makes them superior to men, and their proper tactic is to demand special privileges, all the traffic will bear. They should never settle merely for equality. For women, “equality” is a disaster.
Peace is an extension of war by political means. Plenty of elbowroom is pleasanter – and much safer.
One man’s “magic” is another man’s engineering. “Supernatural” is a null word.
The phrase “we (I) (you) simply must –” designates something that need not be done. “That goes without saying ” is a read warning. “Of Course” means you had best check it yourself. These small-change cliches and others like them, when read correctly, are reliable channel markers.
Do not handicap your children by making their lives easy.
Rub her feet.
If you happen to be one of the fretful minority who can do creative work, never force an idea; you’ll abort it if you do. Be patient and you’ll give birth to it when the time is ripe. Learn to wait.
Never crowd youngsters about their private affairs – sex especially. When they are growing up, they are never ends all over, and resent (quite properly) any invasion of their privacy. Oh, sure, they’ll make mistakes – but that’s their business, not yours. (You made your own mistakes, did you not ?)
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
More from the Notebooks of Lazarus Long
Always tell her she is beautiful, especially if she is not.
If you are part of a society that votes, the do so. There may be no candidates and no measures you want to vote for … but there are certain to be ones you want to vote against. In case of doubt, vote against. By this rule you rarely go wrong. If this is too blind for your taste, consult some well-meaning fool (there is always one around) and ask his advice. Then vote the other way. This enables you to be a good citizen (if such is your wish) without spending the enormous amount of time on it that truly intelligent exercise of franchise requires.
Sovereign ingredient for a happy marriages: Pay cash or do without. Interest charges not only eat up a household budget; awareness of debt eats up domestic felicity.
Those who refuse to support and defend a state have no claim to protection by that state. Killing an anarchist or a pacifist should not be defined as “murder” in a legalistic sense. The offense against the state, if any, should be “Using deadly weapons inside city limits,” or “Creating a traffic hazard,” or “Endangering bystanders,” or other misdemeanor. However, the state may reasonably place a closed season on these exotic asocial animals whenever they are in danger of becoming extinct. An authentic buck pacifist has rarely been seen off Earth, and it is doubtful that any have survived the trouble there . . regrettable, as they had the biggest mouths and smallest brains of any of the primates. The small-mouthed variety of anarchist has spread through the Galaxy at the very wave front of the Diaspora; there is no need to protect them. But they often shoot back.
Another ingredient for a happy marriage: Budget the luxuries first!
And still another– See to it that she has her own desk – then keep your hands off it!
And another– In a family argument, if it turns out you are right – apologize at once!
"God split himself into a myriad parts that he might have friends.“ This may not be true, but it sounds good – and is no sillier than any other theology.
To stay young requires unceasing cultivation of the ability to unlearn old falsehoods.
Does history record any case in which the majority was right?
When the fox gnaws – smile!
A "critic” is a man who creates nothing and thereby feels qualified to judge the work of creative men. There is logic in this; he is unbiased – he hates all creative people equally.
Money is truthful. If a man speaks of his honor, make him pay cash.
Never frighten a little man. He’ll kill you.
Only a sadistic scoundrel – or a fool – tells the bald truth on social occasions.
This sad little lizard told me that he was a brontosaurus on his mother’s side. I did not laugh; people who boast of ancestry often have little else to sustain them. Humoring them costs nothing and adds to happiness in a world in which happiness is always in short supply.
In handling a stinging insect, move very slowly.
To be “matter of fact” about the world is to blunder into fantasy – and dull fantasy at that, as the real world is strange
and wonderful.
The difference between science and the fuzzy subjects is that science requires reasoning, while the other subjects merely require scholarship.
Copulation is spiritual in essence – or it is merely friendly exercise. On second thought, strike out “merely.” Copulation is not “merely” – even when it is just a happy pastime for two strangers. But copulation at its spiritual best is so much more than physical coupling that it is different in kind as well as in degree. The saddest feature of homosexuality is not that is “wrong” or “sinful” or even that it can’t lead to progeny – but that it is more difficult to reach through it this spiritual union. Not impossible – but the cars are stacked against it. But – most sorrowfully – many people never achieve spiritual sharing even with the help of male-female advantage; they are condemned to wander through life alone.
Touch is the most fundamental sense. A baby experiences it, all over, before he is born and long before he learns to use sight, hearing, or taste, and no human ever ceases to need it. Keep your children short on pocket money – but long on hugs.
Secrecy is the beginning of tyranny.
The greatest productive force is human selfishness.
Be wary of strong drink. It can make you shoot at tax collectors – and miss.
The profession of shaman has many advantages. It offers high status with a safe livelihood free of work in the dreary, sweaty sense. In most societies it offers legal privileges and immunities not granted to other men. But it is hard to see how a man who has been given a mandate from on High to spread tidings of joy to all mankind can be seriously interested in taking up a collection to pay his salary; it causes one to suspect that the shaman is on the moral level of any other con man. But it’s lovely work if you can stomach it.
A whore should be judged by the same criteria as other professionals offering services for pay – such as dentists, lawyers, hairdressers, physicians, plumbers, etc. Is she professionally competent? Does she give good measure? Is she honest with her clients? It is possible that the percentage of honest and competent whores is higher than that of plumbers and much higher than that of lawyers. And enormously higher than that of professors.
Minimize your therbligs until it becomes automatic; this doubles your effective lifetime – and thereby gives time to enjoy butterflies and kittens and rainbows.
Have you noticed how much they look like orchids? Lovely!
Expertise in one field does not carry over into other fields. But experts often think so. The narrower their field of knowledge the more likely they are to think so.
Never try to outstubborn a cat.
Tilting at windmills hurts you more than the windmills.
Yield to temptation; it may not pass your way again.
Waking a person unnecessarily should not be considered a capital crime. For a first offense, that is.
“Go to hell!” or other insult direct is all the answer a snoopy questions rates.
The correct way to punctuate a sentence that starts :“Of course it is none of my business but –” is to place a period after the word “but.” Don’t use excessive force in supplying such moron with a period. Cutting his throat is only a momentary pleasure and is bound to get you talked about.
A man does not insist on physical beauty in a woman who builds up his morale. After a while he realizes that she is beautiful – he just hadn’t noticed it at first.
A skunk is better company than a person who prides himself on being “frank.”
“All’s fair in love and war ” – what a contemptible lie!
Beware of the “Black Swan” fallacy. Deductive logic is tautological; there is no way to get a new truth out of it, and it manipulates false statements as readily as true ones. If you fail to remember this, it can trip you – with perfect logic. The designers of the earliest computers called this the “Gigo Law”; i.e., “Garbage in, garbage out.”
Inductive logic is much more difficult – but can produce new truths.
A “practical joker” deserves applause for his wit according to his quality. Bastinado is about right. For exceptional wit one might grant keelhauling. But staking him out on an anthill should be reserved for the very wittiest.
Natural laws have no pity.
On the planet Tranquille around KM849(G-O) lives a little animal known as a “knafn.” It is herbivorous and has no natural enemies and is easily approached and may be petted – sort of a six-legged puppy with scales. Stroking it is very pleasant; it wiggles its pleasure and broadcast euphoria in some band that humans can detect. It’s worth the trip. Someday some bright boy will figure out how to record this broadcast, then some smart boy will see commercial angles – and not longer after that it will be regulated and taxed. In the meantime I have faked that name and catalog number; it is several thousand light-years off in another direction. Selfish of me –
Freedom begins when you tell Mrs. Grundy to go fly a kite.
Take car of the cojones and the frijoles will take car of themselves. Try to have getaway money – but don’t be fanatic about it.
If “everybody knows” such-and-such, then it ain’t so, by at least ten thousand to one.
Political tags – such as royalist, communist, democrat, populist, fascist, liberal, conservative, and so forth – are never basic criteria. The human race divides politically into those who want people to be controlled and those who have no such desire. The former are idealists acting from the highest motives for the greatest good of the greatest number. The latter are surly curmudgeons, suspicious and lacking in altruism. But they are more comfortable neighbors than the other sort.
All cats are not gray after midnight. Endless variety–
Sin lies only in hurting other people unnecessarily. All other “sins” are invented nonsense. (Hurting yourself is not sinful – just stupid.)
Being generous is inborn; being altruistic is a learned perversity. No resemblance –
It is impossible for a man to love his wife wholeheartedly without loving all women somewhat. I suppose that the converse must be true of women.
You can go wrong by being too skeptical as readily as by being too trusting.
Formal courtesy between a husband and wife is even more important than it is between strangers.
Anything free is worth what you pay for it.
Don’t store garlic near other victuals.
Climate is what we expect, weather is what we get.
Pessimist by policy, optimist by temperament – it is possible to be both. How? By never taking an unnecessary chance and by minimizing risks you can’t avoid. This permits you to play out the game happily, untroubled by the certainty of the outcome.
Do not confuse “duty” with what other people expect of you; they are utterly different. Duty is a debt you owe to yourself to fulfill obligations you have assumed voluntarily. Paying that debt can entail anything from years of patient work to instant willingness to die. Difficult it may be, but the reward is self-respect. But there is no reward at all for doing what other people expect of you, and to do so is not merely difficult, but impossible. It is easier to deal with a footpad than it is with the leech who wants “just a few minutes of your time, please – this won’t take long.” Time is your total capital, and the minutes of your life are painfully few. If you allow yourself to fall into the vice of agreeing to such requests, they quickly snowball to the point where these parasites will use up 100 percent of your time – and squawk for more! So learn to say No – and to be read about it when necessary.
Otherwise you will not have time to carry out your duty, or to do your own work, and certainly no time for live and happiness. The termites will nibble away your life and leave none of it for you. (This rule does not mean that you must not do a favor for a friend, or even a stranger. But let the choice be yours. Don’t do it because it is “expected” of you.)
"I came, I saw, she conquered.“ (The original Latin seems to have been garbled.)
A committee is a life form with six or more legs and no brain.
Animals can be driven crazy by place too many in too small a pen. Homo sapiens is the only animals that voluntarily does this to himself.
Don’t try to have the last word. You might get it.
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