#but i gotta be calm because i can get excitable and aggressively compassionate and some ppl do not like tht

[showbonyan]

rant about school and like friendship and how my past friend trauma still hurts or whatever nothing bad but 🤷‍♀️:

went to my last class i haven’t had yet today and it was kinda 😬 because an ex (??) friend is in tht class and i promised to not talk to him because of communication issues etc etc etc but then i met somebody new today and i began to plan out my usual aquaintanceship scheme to avoid being alone because loneliness makes me feel SICK and EUGH the ptsd pain

but then as i was leaving i noticed she was being slow and went 🤔 and she stopped walking as she went out the door when she saw i was holding the door for somebody else and i was 🤔 and then she started to walk With me and i was like 🤯 and we did tht thing where u go “oh i have to go now” but you stand outside in the cold and talk for like another 20 mins like when ur mom says ur leaving in 5 minutes but she means 30

and i’m like for real shaken up at the thought tht she just fucking did tht like i’m usually the instigator when it comes to forming relationships and she tripped me and i’m fine with that

the mere idea of somebody PURPOSEFULLY... making the move to talk to me without me trying to butt my way in or plan out my every move i’m still loosing it this is longing for companionship

maybe when i get my free dining dollars in like 2 weeks i can ask if i could eat dinner with her and her roommate who knows i’m excited i want friendship but i still gotta be careful and cautious 😤😤😤😤

overall i’m like

[lightyourowntunnel]

It’s show and tell time!

This spiel is courtesy of @thewriteblrarchives and their NaNoWriMo Support Group. Let’s talk my process and my NaNo project for this November. It’s really long, so I’ve put it under the tab; enjoy!

Questions for you:

How long have you been writing? 

I’ve been writing for as I can remember, honestly. I used to write little stories and poems long before I entered kindergarten. By the time I was in late elementary school, I was consistently planning more coherent stories. I never finished one of them, though.

When you start a project, how do you start? With character, setting, plot, aesthetic, something else? 

So inspiration usually hits me like trucks hitting anime protagonists. Sometimes the foundations of a character I find interesting will inspire me, other times it’s a setting. There’s been at least one time that I’ve seen a trope I really liked an off-shoot of that I wanted a full story about (i.e. found family where they’re actually friends and don’t act like they secretly hate each other).

What’s your favourite part of the writing process?

World building is hands down my favorite part of the writing process. I have way more worlds than I have stories for. Normally, I’ll only have vague concepts for characters and a plot until I have a solid world I can play around in, so world building is also one of the longest parts of my process, too.

What genres do you write?

I write a lot of fantasy. Like a lot, a lot of fantasy. Realistically, it’s usually leaning more into science fantasy, but it’s still always very definitively a fantasy world. Everything I write usually has some LGBT+ , aspects of adventure, and potential romantic subplots.

Where’s the strangest place you’ve ever written?

I think it’s personally stranger when I write in a normal place like a cafe, library, or on a desk. I tend to write on the go -- in cars and buses -- and I was scribbling stories throughout my classes and college prep program.

Questions for NaNo:

Have you participated in NaNo or camp NaNo before?

I almost participated in NaNo eons ago, but I chickened out on October 31st. Ever since then I’ve always considered it and just never went through with NaNo or any Camp NaNos.

What made you decide to join up?

So I’m kinda always thinking about joining NaNo and chicken out at the last minute.I’m an expert at making excuses for myself where creative writing is involved! But a little before I finally decided to join I saw this Preptober video by Alexa Donne on YouTube. I had been watching writing tips for a few days because I was distressed about how little I’d been writing recently. Seeing that really just made me decide that there’s no time like the present; even if it’s horrible, I love writing and I just gotta do it.

What are you most excited about/looking forward to?

I’m really, really excited about where this story��s going (in part because even I don’t really know yet). I’ve fallen in love with these characters and there are so many routes their arcs could go. I’m still nailing down an embodiment of an antagonistic force, though, so that’s something I’m looking forward to coming together.

Anything you’re a bit nervous about?

Writing in general, haha! I’ve never successfully written a full-length manuscript before and I’m trying to just go in order for NaNo so I get the experience of it. I just finished the first chapter and cried because I felt so relieved. My favorite part of the novel to write is the middle, but I need a lot of improvement and motivation for the beginning and ending; I’m glad to have the first chapter weight finally off my shoulders.

Have you done a lot of preparation? Or none whatsoever?

I’ve done some prep for my novel. Key word is some. I started prep work on October 16th with a brand new idea, so I was bound to be pretty behind on planning in general. But I’m also a total pantser, so I was trying planner for a change. In the end, I had established my protagonists, the world, and a vague sense of the plot. I also nearly created a language as a part of the PoV character’s culture.

Do you have a workspace, schedule, or daily goal?

In theory, I have a daily goal of 1,667-2,000 words. Because I’m writing a fantasy, I want to get as close to the average word count of my genre as possible. In general, I tend to write at night after work and on my way to work, but I’m trying to wake up earlier so I can write in the morning and not have to transcribe it from a notebook later. I usually write at home, typically isolated in a bedroom.

Questions for your wip:

What’s your NaNo wip titled (if it has one)?

If We’re to Carry Stars

Tell us a bit about your NaNo wip! For example the plot, genre, themes…

If We’re to Carry Stars (IWCS) is a fantasy adventure novel set in the world of Eondes. Thousands of years before the beginning of the story, Eondes chose the Yuvel as its protectors.The Yuvel were merely a race of healers with a high magical aptitude; their styled after nymphs, elves and fairies, with pointed ears and features meant to mimic the planet itself (fiery eyes, green hair, blue blood, etc.). In exchange for protection, Eondes granted the Yuvel access to its magical core, which they were tasked with keeping clean. It gave them elemental magic and strengthened their healing magic. Over the years, the Yuvel had managed to eliminate all known illnesses and dutifully served Eondes.

However, their protection came at a price. Not only has accurate records of old cures and ailments fallen from folklore and records, but no one’s immune systems were prepared to battle any future threats. Faith in Yuvellen magic had made these things unnecessary.

Until now.

A magic-resistant illness has begun to spread through Eondes’ other races. Meanwhile, Eondes’ magical core has begun to pollute, thus weakening the Yuvel with an illness of their own. Many Yuvel have begun leaving their home on Yuvellse in search of answers and a cure, while other races have followed in suit. Faith in the Yuvel has plummeted and tensions between races rise as unlikely alliances strive for Eondes’ hope.

In the midst of such dread, a Yuvel named Eiríńé finds herself wrapped up in one of these quests as she searches for happiness in a dismal life.

Themes: I want to play with the concept of love and selfishness. Is it more selfish to remain where you’re unhappy or is it more selfish to leave in search of happiness? How do you communicate love? How do you communicate your needs when it comes to love, such as styles of affection? I would also like to play around with some other things, but they’re not as concrete yet.

What is your protagonist like?

So I’m playing with the 5 Man Band trope, and therefore have 5 protagonists with one as focal PoV character

Eiríńé in the focal character and the PoV character (as much as she can be in a third person limited perspective). She’s quite a soft-spoken and hesitant Yuvel. Because she frequently second guesses herself, she ends up taking forever to make a decision. She’s rather kind and strives to be a people pleaser. But she’s also horrendously cynical and deeply discontent with her own life. At the beginning of the story, Eiríńé is engaged and has a good, supportive network of friends and family, none of whom seem to realize how deeply unhappy she is with her life. She makes the decision to leave her life behind and join the others on their quest once Mirunise prompts her to make a brash decision and said impulsiveness lights her heart unlike anything before.

Mirunise is the party leader. She’s a Capescu, a shape-shifting race that can shift into any animal they can imagine; they have heightened sense in their default form. Mirunise is a bubbly paragon with a hurricane for a personality. She’s bombastic and aggressively friendly, to the point Ayondi is frequently trying to calm her down. Her cheer and smile is considered infectious. When confronted with negativity, her optimism usually takes the competitive form of refusing to let the source of said negativity win. Because she’s such a dominating force of personality, she can come off as insensitive and/or rude to some; whenever this is pointed out, she quiets and displays an aggressively compassionate side that’s surprisingly a great listener. Mirunise comes across Ayondi and V'haǵir on her way to see her father. Upon learning of V'haǵir’s condition and ambitions, Mirunise quickly joins their group and spearheads them forward.

Ayondi is V'haǵir’s childhood friend. She’s a Darunshin, a human-like species with bird wings that grow and shrink on command, they have an almost supernatural strength. Ayondi is calm and reserved with a deep motherly streak. She cares deeply for other people, but has a habit of expressing it through nitpicking. She is both the most intelligent and has the most common sense in the part; her strategies tend to fall on deaf ears, though. She’s a realist, but a pessimistic side grows after V'haǵir falls ill; everyone who’s contracted the illness thus far as died, and she fears her days with him are numbered. So she picks up V'haǵir‘s quest and decides that she’d rather save others from the grief of loss than just wallow in her own.

V'haǵir is Ayondi’s childhood friend; his illness is the catalyst for his initial quest with Ayondi to search for a cure. He’s a Wevri, an aquatic race with webbed ears and control over existing water. V'haǵir is boisterous and optimistic, a typical paragon like Mirunise. He’s excitable and generally cheerful. He’s the least thrilled about combat in the party, too. In life, he wants to make everyone happier than he’s ever been (and seeing as he’s almost always been generally happy, that’s a lofty ambition). When he first exhibits symptoms of the illness, V'haǵir laments his poor luck and feels discouraged by the lack of a cure. However, he quickly decides that he doesn’t want to idly wait for death and sets out on a quest for a cure, even if he may never live to use it for himself.

Somayn is the last person to join the party before Eiríńé. He’s a Zuifeel, an elf-like race with pointed, drooping ears and a magical connection to nature. Somayn is quiet, but friendly. He’s very worldly and often acts as a sort of folklore guide for the rest of the party. Despite being generally intelligent, he doesn’t really have a great deal of common sense. He’s realistic, calm and collected, and emotionally open with his allies; he sees no point in lying or hiding one’s feelings. On their travels, Mirunise, Ayondi, and V'haǵir find him in the middle of battle (more specifically on the losing side) against a group of bandits. Somayn decides to join their quest after he’s been healed of his injures, citing a need to scour Eondes’ libraries for potential cures.

Have you been planning it for a while? Conversely, do you know anything about it yet?

I wish I could say that I’ve been planning IWCS for a while. But I started planning this story October 16th of this year and started writing it on November 1st. I have a solid handle on the main characters and the world of Eondes, but it’s still up in the air where it’ll all go.